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lis-likes-fics · 7 months ago

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Shijetra Nyke, Mandia

Pairings: Daemon Targaryen x Velaryon!Reader Word Count: 5.9k words Warnings: NSFW, smut, technically dubcon bc coercion, fingering, implied age gap (she's laena's little sister), multiple orgasms, p in v sex, breeding kink, sort of cheating, mentions of death and war, swearing, technically reader is black but she can be read as any race, High Valyrian, Daemon is not a good person... A/N: Hey, everyone! Was trying to hold off on this one but I decided to just post it anyway. Super excited for HOTD S2 to come out in June. I promise there are ideas for Aemond but writing sucks so much ass so it's just taking a while to get to it. Thank you so much and happy reading!

The seas are steady tonight. As the moon glints off its gentle waves, the water seems to mourn as you do. It was hard to find sleep. You came all the way out here to watch the crashing waves, in hopes of finding some solace in the sea, but even it does not seem to have the strength to roar tonight.

Your nightgown blows in the soft winds of the night as you watch the ocean.

The rustling of sand pulls a sigh from you, and you grit your teeth as you turn away from the man coming to stand next to you. You don't have to look at him to know who it is. You could tell him anywhere.

“I wish to be alone,” you whisper.

Daemon clasps his hands in front of himself as he looks out at the sea. “That is understandable, my lady.”

“And, yet, you are still here.” You look up at him, your features hard as you glare.

His voice is soft. You're not quite sure it fits him. The non-confrontation in his voice feels strange.

“I thought you might need company,” he says, examining your face as he does. For a moment, you think he can see the ghosts of the dried tears you've shed. “It has been a tiring day, after all.”

You huff, turning away again. Looking at him for too long makes your skin crawl. “I have not want of company.”

He hums. “I said ‘need’, not want.”

You roll your eyes. “Alright, I have no need for your company.”

He seems unphased by your hostility. “Even so…” he looks down at you, the look in his eyes sending a shiver down your spine, “you shall have it.” You stare at him, wanting to step back but not wanting to give him that satisfaction. He turns his body to face yours, craning his head down to watch you better.

He lowers his voice to a whisper as he leans in, as if there were thousands of people here and the secret he is to bestow upon you is too dangerous to say aloud. “It is in times like these, I hear, times where we are most vulnerable, that a bit of presence does one good.”

Despite your urge to stay planted in your sandy spot, you take a small step back without breaking your feigned confidence. “Very well, then,” you say. “You may go and fetch someone else to give me presence. I do not need yours.”

He almost seems amused, though he dies it well. He leans his head back a slight. “You despise me so, yet I have done nothing.”

You let out a breathy scoff, turning away from him and toward your humorless response. “Well, that's the whole of it, isn't it?” You shake your head, your frustration piquing once more. “You've done nothing.”

He hums. “I don't think I understand.”

You look at him, and he can see the anger simmering in your gaze. “Don't you?” You step closer to him, invading his space as he does yours, daring to play his game. “Where were you when my sister left her birthing bed? Where were you when she left the walls of the castle to give herself to her dragon's breath?” Your voice broke as the pain threatened to tear apart your anger. “Where were you when she ordered Vaghar to take her life?”

He almost rolls his eyes at your accusations. “I tried to stop her.”

“But you didn't try hard enough,” you seethe. “Or she would be standing next to me.”

He steps closer, taking the control back. His voice is still quiet, though his level tone is twinged with annoyance. “Laena had her own spirit,” he insists. “She did as she liked well enough. I see not why I should have blame for her own decisions.” His near lack of regard fuels you. “And besides, she would have died anyway. The maesters told me so.”

You shove him back, and your rage is flared by the knowledge that he only moves because he allows you to move him.

“She was everything to me!” Your uneven breaths have your chest heaving as your voice echoes across the water. “Not only my sister, my blood—she was my protector.” You sigh shakily, angrily wiping away the tears welling in your eyes. Your voice softens, though not because you want it to. “Now she is gone.”

He remains silent for a moment, letting it sit until it's no longer comfortable. He tilts his head, still standing so close. “And yet, I am not to blame.”

You roll your eyes, unable to look him in the eyes anymore as you look past his head. “Do you even care?”

“Of course I care,” he insists. “She was my lady wife, after all.”

You raise a brow. “Yet you do not mourn.”

He shrugs a shoulder, entirely unconvincing. “Everyone mourns differently.”

You nod. “And you mourn by shedding no tears and strutting through the castle halls?”

Daemon hums. “You must forgive me if I have offended you, my lady.”

You stare up at him, unblinking as your rage and grief continues to give you the strength to look in his eyes and speak your truth. “You have, and I don't.”

A huge part of that strength crumbles when he steps so close to you that you're forced to step back. You falter, a momentarily fear in your eyes at the predatory gaze in his own. His eyes seem to examine you, taking in each and every little curve of your body every crease in your dress. You try not to shrink under his scrutinization.

His voice is so soft, and your flesh crawls with the sound of it. “What do you need from me?”

You have no choice but to break eye contact. It's too much, too close. You swallow thickly, your voice quieting to a low request, rather than the command you had wanted. “I need nothing from you but for you to remove yourself from my presence. Hastily.”

He stands completely still for a while, his eyes just as fixed on your face. When he moves, it almost startles you. His hand reaches up to touch your face, his fingertips brushing your cheek. You're quick to swat him away with a harsh swipe of your hand, taking a step back. “Do not touch me.”

He says nothing, and the silence is unbearable. He just…watches you. His gaze is intense, focused, terrifying. He stands there, still as a statue for the longest time, before making another attempt for your face. You're just as quick as the first, if not quicker with your flickering frustrations.

“I said don't–”

He grabs your face, not caring this time for gentleness as his dull nails dig into the flesh of your jaw and hold you, pulling you close and keeping there, no matter how much you fight him. Your heart pounds against your ribs, beating so heavily that you think it'll stop any moment now. The fear that washes over you is both a searing chill and a molten burn. “Get off of me!”

Leaning in close, he shakes his head. “Shh, “ he bids. “Hush, little river.”

You hate that. Your family calls you that on occasion because you're the youngest of the Velaryon siblings, Laena especially. It's meant to be kind, for rivers are the waters that feed the sea, but when Daemon says it, you feel so small. You feel so insignificant. He taunts you with it.

“Don't call me that,” you hiss. “Get off of me!” You try to push him away, but as you suspect, he doesn't budge. But his next words make you freeze in your spot.

“You are just as beautiful as her,” he says, tilting his head as he stares. “Your sweet sister.”

You're stunned into silence, into stillness. You stare wide-eyed at him, holding your breath as the sound of the waves slowly beginning to build and the sound of your own heart beating away in your chest fill your ears.

You blink, confusion and shock coloring your face. “What?”

He tilts his head. “I wanted you, you know,” he whispers, his words lingering in the tiny space between you. You can hardly breathe, but you can't look away with his iron grip on your face. “When I married your big sister, I wanted it to be you I would bed that night… I only settled for her.”

Your shaking breath became loud as you tried to remove his hand from you, grasping his wrist with all your strength in an effort to pull him away, to no avail. “Daemon. Don't do this–”

“Now that she has taken her leave of us, bless her…” the slightest smirk slips onto his lips, “I am free to pursue my true desires.”

You shake your head, “Daemon–”

You turn your head just in time to avoid his kiss as his lips press against your cheek. Your squirm, squeezing your eyes shut as frightened tears spring to your eyes. Daemon chuckles darkly, taking a slip of your flesh between his teeth in a nip.

You have no control when he turns your head for you. His lips press hungrily into yours, forcing his lust down your throat whether you want it or not. Your protest comes out as a whimper, and it fuels his fire as his arm snakes around your waist and pulls you flush against his body.

You push against him, struggling to get any traction to shove him away. You reach around to grab his hand at your waist, pulling at his pinkie until you've bent it too far for him to continue holding you. He pulls away, pride shining in his face as he smirks. You push him, but this time he doesn't move.

“Get your fucking hands off me before I call for Arlaryx!” Your command is sharp, but he doesn't seem all that phased by it. You honestly hadn't expected him to be.

He inclines his head back, sneering. “And bring her against my war-grown beast?” He stalks forward, invading your space again, no matter how far you stumble back. “You know your dear thing would not stand a chance.”

The thought of your precious creature in the jaws of Daemon's monstrous demon makes your blood run cold. He's right. She would not be enough against Caraxes.

You shake your head. Your voice is weak. “Please.”

He sighs contently, his smile curling into something especially evil. “I like you begging,” he purrs. “So small and sweet you are, when you do not spit venom.”

A deep snarl just barely resounds over the waves picking up about the sea. As you look over your shoulder, you both take in the sight of Arlaryx, her scales almost as blue as sapphires, a color that blends with the deep seas.

Her towering figure stalks out onto the beach, smoke billowing from her nose as she watches the both of you. Another snarl rumbles in her chest.

The faint sound of another snarl, one much different from her own, is heard seemingly in the back of your mind. But you know you did not imagine it. By the smirk on Daemon's face, you know you have not imagined it.

He bends down, his lips by your ear as he whispers. “Do you want to do this, little river?”

You stare at her, your eyes watering at the haunting images of her torn apart on the sand. Your heart thuds in your chest, and you know she feels it because she begins to snarl again. Her claws dig into the sand, her long tail swishes the water when she takes another step forward.

You steady your breath, opening your mouth and hesitating for a moment. You clear your throat, speaking as level as you can manage.

“Dohaeris, Alarlyx,” you command, swallowing roughly. “Dohaeris. Nyke sȳz.”

The beast makes no move to leave, and you sigh heavily. Curse her and her loyalties. They will get her killed.

You steel your voice, trying to sound stronger than you feel. She will not listen to you if you sound weak. “Lyrkiri,” you insist. The smoke diminishes, becoming thinner and thinner until it has stopped. “Sōvēs, Arlaryx, sōvēs.”

She lifts a heavy claw, easing slightly like she'll actually listen.

Then Daemon wraps an arm around your midsection, pulling your body against his as he presses a kiss to your forehead. You wince, squirming in his grasp.

Arlaryx’s mind seems to be made up. She crouches again, advancing slowly once more as her snarls become louder. Smoke arises once again from her nostrils as she opens her mouth, the burning heart of her rage billowing inside of her.

You both know it's just a threat. She would not put you in such danger, but Daemon's crimes against you have officially enraged her.

But Caraxes’ distant croaks and growls fill your head, and you can't stand it. You nearly shout, sounding almost as desperate as you feel as you drop your voice and command her.

“Dohaeris, Arlaryx,” you bellow. “Dohaeris se sōvēs.”

Her warning snarls are replaced with a sort of whining sound as she takes a hesitant step back. She grunts, and you watch the smoke dissipate. Unfurling her great wings, she takes flight as she disappears into the night. Caraxes’ sounds have ceased. You sigh, almost relieved until Daemon's teeth nip at your ear. Anxiety fills you once more.

“That one is just as stubborn as you.” He kisses your cheek, his tongue darting out to taste the skin. He inhales your scent, and a shiver runs down your spine.

Shutting your eyes, you let out a shaky breath. “Just get this over with.”

Anticipation swirls in your belly, the prospect of his hands on you, his mouth, his…

But he just laughs at you, pulling away from your body and leaving you cold. You turn, surprise on your face as you try to figure out why he'd suddenly pulled away from you. Is he so fickle in his interests that he should let you go before having his way?

You have half a mind to run.

“Ȳdra daor gaomagon bona.” Don't do that. He remains close, his predatory gaze follows you. “Nyke gīmigon jaelā nyke, riña. Tepagon isse, byka qelbar.” I know you want me, girl. Give in, little river.

You clench your jaw, balling your hands into fists as you step closer. “Nyke ȳdra daor jaelagon ao,” you spit. I don't want you.

He chuckles, leaning in until your faces are inches apart. “Pirtra.” Lies.

He takes a step forward, continuing this back and forth dance—you step, he steps, forward and back, left and right. Then he begins to circle you as you stand there, feeling as small as he probably views you.

“You think I don't notice when your eyes follow me down the hall?” he asks, and the question makes your blood run cold. “You think I don't see you peeking over your cup at dinner?” He stops behind you, pressing his chest to your back and whispering in your ear, his lips caressing the shell. “You crave my touch so deeply, it makes you look pathetic.”

His arms snake around your waist as he pulls you close. Your breath catches in your throat when you feel his hand teasing you, reaching down, down, down.

“I hear you.” Your breath hitches. “At night when you touch yourself to my name.” The smallest breath slips from your lips when his hand cups your heat, his finger teasing your clit over your gown.

“Does it feel good?” His voice is a purr in your ear. “Imagining my fingers plunging inside of you? Wishing it was my teeth sunk into your flesh and not your own nails digging into your skin?”

Your legs tremble, his words resonating in your bones. You shake your head, taking a breath for courage as you object.

“You are not mine,” you whisper, your voice weak. You break out of his hold, turning to watch him as you try to recollect your wavering dignity. “Dead or alive, you are my sister's. I will not sully her memory this way.”

“Oh, come off it.” He comes closer. “Either way, your sister is dead. Why deny yourself pleasure for the memory of a dead sister?”

You slap him. His head whips to the side as your hand inspires a large red blush over his cheek. His fingers brush his skin, a large crooked grin taking his face as he slowly turns to look at you.

You take a small step back, anxiety creeping into you at the way he watches you, like prey being stalked by a cruel beast. He says nothing as he stands there. He begins to walk forward.

And you run.

Sand kicks into the air as you bolt away, your breath loud in your ears and your heart heavy in your chest. Tears spring to your ears as the exertion, the cold thrill of his hunt encourages your escape.

You don't get far. He's faster than you, and his strength is far superior to yours as he wraps his arms around you and lifts you from the ground. You kick your feet, trying to break free from his hold. But it's of no use. You shout over the crashing waves of the tides, waves that have picked up since Daemon arrived. Like they mourn with you, they fight for you, too.

He wrestles you to the ground, flipping you onto your back as he pins your arms down by your head. He looms over you, positioning himself between your legs and ignoring your fight like you're nothing against him. And perhaps you are.

“Go ahead,” he grins, spurred on by your struggle. “Pretend you despise me. Perhaps, now, you do.” He leans in close, whispering in your ear. “But we are all the way out here, with no one to hear your screams but the sea.”

Your fight diminishes, the reality of his words sinking in. You look at him, your eyes wide and struck with adrenaline-coated tears. His gaze is dark, his smile even darker. He shifts one of your arms to the other, grasping both your wrists in one of his big hands as the other strokes your side, dipping beneath your thin gown to touch your bare skin beneath. You shudder at the feeling, anxiety pooling in your belly at the knowledge that you can do nothing to fight him.

“Will you lose breath screaming or cumming?”

Your voice is weak and broken. It's barely a whisper when you speak. “Please.”

He shushes you, his lips so close to yours. You can almost feel it, the heat of his kiss as he would devour you.

And then he does. He presses his lips roughly against yours, his tongue slipping past them to taste you. He grips your side, his dull nail digging into your flesh. You can't help the whine you let out into his mouth, regretting the way you seek him out, especially after he pulls away. And he smiles triumphantly, knowing he has you right where he wants you.

“Don't worry, little river.” A quiet gasp erupts from your chest when his hand cups your bare cunt, his fingers rubbing against your folds before he parts them to plunge his finger inside of you. Your mouth falls open, sharp breaths teetering in and out at the way he touches you, at the way you clench around his finger like you'll die if he pulls away now.

“I'll give you what you've been craving all these years.”

He moves like fire. His hand is insistent as his finger plunges in and out of your wet heat, pulling more and more arousal from your already damp folds. You clench your jaw, stifling your moans as he forces the pleasure down your throat.

When he thrusts another finger inside of you, you moan at the stretch, your eyes rolling back at the way he curls them inside of you. You grab his arm, gripping it tight, though you're not sure if you're trying to stop him or not.

He moves quickly. You don't have time to catch up with the harsh thrusts of his fingers, so you lay back and take it as the pleasure explodes all over your body.

It feels so good. His fingers reach deeper, faster, too. The feeling of someone else's fingers inside of you instead of your own is so foreign. Your frantic breath makes you light-headed, and you can hardly keep your thoughts straight.

“I know it's exhausting,” he mumbles as his palm slaps against your clit, “fighting me.”

But you must fight. For your sister, who meant so much to you. You must fight against this man who let her die. Who would you be if you allowed yourself to succumb to your late sister's husband? She practically raised you, and this is how you repay her?

But here you are. She died hardly two days ago, and you were laying on the sand with Daemon's fingers in your cunt.

Being in this position is surreal. Because he was right, you had been craving this moment for years, wanting so deeply to feel Daemon's passion on your skin. His lips brush your cheek, and he murmurs into your ear. “You'll feel better when you let go.”

Your breath hitches. “Daemon.”

“That's it,” he smirks, feeling you leaning into him. “Close your eyes and give in to me, little river.”

Your eyes flutter shut. The pace of his hand, the feeling of his fingers thrusting so deeply, the pleasure scours your body until you feel yourself reaching your limit.

“Ȳdra daor keligon, Daemon,” you sigh, your voice high with bliss as you pull your hands away from his grasp. “Nyke jorrāelagon ziry.” Don't stop. I need it.

“Qilōni?” Who?

“Ao!” You! You moan, rolling your hips into his hand as he continues to coax your release from you. Your head is spinning, and you've long since left reason behind. “Nyke jorrāelagon ao,” you beg. I need you.

You turn your head to lay your eyes upon the sea, the pleasure within you swelling like the waves crashing against the shore. “Shijetra nyke, mandia.”

Forgive me, sister.

Your lips part and your back arches off the sand as you come undone. Your moans echo off the waters, becoming all the worse when Daemon's teeth nip the flesh of your neck.

It feels amazing, freeing almost. His hand continues to work out through your pleasure, even when it all fades into oversensitivity. He lets go of you, pulling away from your body and staring down at you. You watch through hooded eyes as he examines his hand, watching the way your arousal glistens off his fingers in the moonlight. He looks at you as he licks his fingers clean.

The scene is so erotic, the way he groans at the taste of you on his tongue. “Such a magnificent treat you are,” he hums. He bends down and takes your lips against his own, his tongue licking into your mouth as you taste yourself on him.

You watch as his hand reaches for his belt, and you can't help the way your legs close at the thought of him revealing himself to you. He reaches a hand out, gripping your knee and pushing your legs apart again. “Do not move.”

You do as you're told, waiting with bated breath as he unlatches his belt and sets himself free. You gasp silently at the sight of him, long and solid and flushed pink at the tip. When your eyes lock with his, he looks quite proud of himself.

Daemon turns you on your belly, positioning you as he wants you, with your face shoved into the sand and your hips in the air. His harsh hands grope your body, your ass, your waist, your thighs. You groan, your hips jerking when his thumbs spread your folds apart.

“You're fucking dripping,” he says, a dark smirk in his words as he runs a finger between them.

“Kostilus,” you whisper, taking handfuls of sand to try to control yourself. You were in too deep. Your desire for him has turned to a desperate need embedding itself in the pit of your stomach. Please.

He chuckles, “Say it again.”

You have no mind to refuse him. You've long since lost your dignity, and you've betrayed your sister like you never thought you would. It's too late for you. Why deny yourself pleasure over broken promises?

“Kostilus, Daemon,” you whine, shuddering at the way his hand strokes down your spine. “Nyke jaelagon ao.” I want you.

He puts you out of your misery with a harsh thrust into your needy cunt. You moan, your heavy breaths blowing sand into the air. “Ondoso se gods…” By the gods…

A long groan rumbles in his chest as he closes his eyes, relishing in the feel of your tight pussy. “Fuck,” he curses as he bottoms out. “You are a virgin.” He grips your hips, burying himself so deep that you feel like you can't breathe. “With all your supposed virtue, I thought you were pretending you weren't a dirty whore.”

As he grips you tight, Daemon doesn't take you, he fucks you. He holds you, digs his nails in your flesh. He thrusts his cock in and out of your tight hole, fast and rough and with the recklessness of a starving man devouring his food. The ocean rages. You're not sure if it's a reflection of your betrayal or your need. The sea is strange in that way, it's versatility.

You wish you could disappear into the dark waters, break away from this beast of a man and let the sea consume you. At least then you'd be at peace with yours, part of the waters of your bloodline.

But here are you, consumed by fire as you ignore the burn of the sand scratching your skin. It's a molten kind of pleasure, the kind that oozes out of you in lingering bliss and deep desires. You're slick with arousal, which makes it easier for him to glide in and out of you. His relentless pace smacks against you, the sound of it echoes through the air with the heavy heat of his passion.

Your position is so compromising. Anyone could happen across you. Anyone could walk the shoreline and find you being fucked into the sand by your sister's husband.

Your rationale falls short because the fear of it is nowhere near as strong as it should be. If the lords of Pentos saw you, they would surely gossip. Word would spread through the city, and that word would spread all the way across the sea. Everyone would know, your nieces, your brother, your mother and father. They would reject, disown you. They would strip you of Velaryon, you would be just another Waters bastard of Driftmark.

You could say he made you. You could tell them he threw you to the sand and took you as he pleased, ravaged you as though you were nothing but meat. But Corlys would go to war over you. To have your honor destroyed in such a way, it would be a war of sea against fire, a war full of bloodshed and hatred.

The idea has you running cold, but the chill doesn't last long with the way Daemon's hips thrust into you, full of his own fire.

“What I wouldn't give to spend every moment snug in this virgin cunt,” he grunts, reaching forward as he flattens his hand against the back of your skull. He twists your hair around his fingers and pulls, keeping you secure in his grip. You go limp at the feeling, the weakness seeping into your bones.

“Perhaps I should breed you,” he sighs with a laugh. “I'll fill you full of my seed, maybe even keep you as my broodmare. I'll keep you round with my children, always ready for me to fuck as I please. Is that what you want, little river?”

So truly blinded by your pleasure, you have no choice but to agree. You lean into the way he makes you feel, letting your troubles melt away, your concerns and your hesitations a thing of the past. They will do you no good now.

“Yes,” you gasp, allowing yourself to be ravaged. “Yes, Daemon, I want that.”

The triumphant look in his eyes shines at the way you give in so completely. Empowered by your submission, his thrusts become more merciless. He grunts and groans behind you, tugging on your hair and holding you still as you return the passion.

All of the sudden, he pulls out of you, leaving you cold and shaking. A stray whine seeps off your tongue, but you have no time to let it linger before he’s flipping you onto your back. He throws your legs onto his shoulder and shoves himself back inside of you in just a couple fluid motions. His ruthless thrusts have you nearly crying for him. The blunt head of his cock reaches so deeply like this, punching against that spongy part inside of you as stars swirl in your vision.

“It feels so good,” you moan, though you’re sure your words are nearly incoherent. It feeds Daemon’s ego either way, encouraging a rougher fuck as he gives you what you want, gives himself what he’s been craving all along. He was right. You do feel as good as he thought, better even. You’re so tight, so inexperienced and untouched that all of his cruel pleasure wrecks your body in your sensitivity.

“You can get louder, can’t you?” he asks, bending down to fold you in half for a different angle.

Your head falls back against the sand. You must look a mess, covered in tiny grainy crystals, hair all over the place. But it doesn’t matter. That’s probably what he wants. Your hands reach up to touch his face, pulling him close as he continues to fuck into you. His thrusts are shorter, harder now. You’re running out of breath quickly, struggling to keep up.

“Fuck, don’t stop!” The breathy wail feels almost like it was forced from your lungs. As he reaches his hand down to touch your clit, you’re done for and you know it. “Oh, Daemon, please.”

He’s intent on making you cum, and with the skill he’s acquired throughout his years, you know he’ll be successful. He’s already got you crying his name.

“Are you going to cum on my cock, girl?” he questions, his breath heavy and his hair messy upon his head. “I know you want to, you’re squeezing me so tight.” You cant your hips up into his own, seeking out your sweet release as he hangs it over your head. “Tell me who you want.”

Your eyes, blurry with tears, watch him hazily. “You.”

He tuts. “You can do better than that. If you want to cum, you will tell me who you want to breed this tight little hole of yours.”

You have no mind to refuse him—you have no mind to do anything but follow where the pleasure takes you. With shallow breaths, you blink pleasure tears from your eyes. “I want you, Daemon. Please, I want you to cum in me and make me your whore.”

He doesn’t know if you could have said it any better. Making harsh circles over your clit, he fucks you with all the strength he’s got. You feel like he’ll bruise you with how brutal he’s being. You feel a tightening coil in your belly, one that just clenches and clenches and clenches with every circle on the sensitive pearl he attacks.

“Cum for me, little river,” he commands, leaving you and your body no room to refuse him as he pulls it out of you. “Cum all over my cock and scream my name like the perfect whore that you are.”

And you obey. It’s like a lever being pulled. One moment you’re teetering on the edge, the next you're arching your back and feeling pleasure consuming your body in a fire that makes you shiver. He doesn’t stop fucking you. If anything, the way you tighten around him only makes his thrusts shorter and his grinding rougher. You’re dizzy and your moans are high and pathetic.

He doesn’t stop attacking your clit. You’re so sensitive, once the pleasure wanes and the movements sting, you squirm away from him, but he doesn’t care. He holds you in place and commands you as though you were one of the dragon beasts he meant to train. He wraps his free hand around your throat, leaning down to bite and suck at your neck. “Dohaeris,” he hisses, his tone sharp and quiet but full of so much of a threat that you bear through the discomfort until it twists in your gut into the dizzying sensation of overstimulated pleasure again.

His name falls from your lips like a chant. The sound of it continues to spur him on, his thumb becoming faster as he searches for that same release for himself. “Please, Daemon,” you whimper, “please cum inside of me. I need you to cum inside of me, please.”

You tip him over the edge. With a growl, he shoves his cock as far as he can go, far enough that it hurts when he buries himself so deep. Grinding into you, his hot release fills you to the brim. Encouraged by the adrenaline, his ruthless thumb carries on until you’re cumming with him.

Your sounds mix in the air, his grunts, your moans, the squelching sound of his cock thrusting into your clenching cunt. “Fuck, you take me so well,” he praises, his voice rough with the effects of his release.

With two more thrusts, as rough as he can make them—just for the fun of it—he pulls out of you. You whine, laying limply on the sand. He watches you, smiling at the way you seem to struggle to stay conscious.

He considers just leaving you there to recuperate on your own.

Daemon adjusts himself, stuffing his cock back into his trousers and fixing his belt. He stares at your cunt all the while, using his fingers to shove his cum back inside of you every time it begins to leak out.

He sits you up, fixing your gown and pulling your face to sit inches from his own. “Iksā ñuhon,” he mutters into your ear, his words clear. “Daorys kostagon renigon ao sir.” You shudder at his claim, your eyes fluttering shut as he whispers to you. You are mine. No one can touch you now.

”Do you understand me?” he asks, and you know you cannot refuse.

Not that you ever want to.

You nod slowly, looking up at him as you accept your fate. “Kessa, Daemon.”

He hums. “Good.” Staring at your lips, he leans in and kisses you. He kisses you with force and power, using a kind of domination that was quite unnecessary—given the fact that he’d already taken your virginity and, quite possibly, bred you with his children. There’s a hint of something in the background, however, a hunger, a desperation that seeps into your skin and makes you feel warm.

Under the cruelty is a gentleness that is entirely foreign to you. You chalk it up to imagination as he pulls away, pinching your cheek. “Come with me,” he orders. “I am not done with you yet, my little river.”

Shijetra nyke, mandia.

Ice and Fire taglist: @divinearchangel @alexxavicry @katsukis1wife @kmc1989 @the-nerdy-goddess @urmomsgirlfriend1 @ireallydontcareanymorebrooo @lover-of-books-and-tea @avalyaaa Tag yourself here...

#daemon targaryen #daemon targeryen x reader #daemon targaryen smut #daemon targaryen x reader smut #daemon targaryen fanfiction #house of the dragon #house of the dragon fanfiction #game of thrones #game of thrones fanfiction #a song of ice and fire #fanfic #fanfiction #female reader #reader insert

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 1 year ago

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ofmd s2e1 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

not quite a reaction post bc i've already watched the whole thing. not quite a liveblog bc it's one post and it's probably gonna take me a full hour to get through a 28 minute episode at the rate of pausing and typing i'll be doing

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

anyway, pirate time:

i love how much fun con is having choking on his own blood

dream!stede's extremely teary face right before he takes off running down the beach is doing psychic damage to me

also dream!stede's stupid ridiculous outfit with all the long ribbons and shit...

ed and stede make contact so hard shjfkhsgjkfd the loud OUGH sounds from both of them

also the return of ed's old beard! i didnt expect to see her at all this season, so that was a surprise.

"babe" "love" im tearing out my own hair

stede has yet to learn that ripping ass near your beloved can be a love language

stede is a terrible fucking roommate just deal with wee john's gas in silence like the rest of them. goddamn.

WHO HAS THE OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH TRAMP STAMP. WHO IS THAT.

i like when the background OST is familiar to me lol the little strings when stede starts his letter throwing me back to s1

olu: that–that's the swede the swede: Im the swede roach: he's single ;) me: *pissing my pants with laughter*

also the direct confirmation that the swede literally doesn't have a name. incredible

shjkfhdhfkj the crew encouraging him. stede's "it's okay" and roach "be brave" im CRYINGGGGG

stede doing customer service is something that can be so personal. "reservation?" "eat my fuckin' shit" "right! walk-ins, then" average restaurant experience

the random background guy saying "my favorite hand!" abt getting stabbed in the hand is making me giggle. i love the humor on this show

why does stede have so much shoulder movement going on when he's walking through the bar. whore behavior.

"this is for mom!" sorry but i want to know more abt whatever's going on there

also the purple mohawk. dope.

buttons is so distressed LET HIM RETURN TO THE SEA THESE CONDITIONS ARE INHUMANE

"i know the odds of you finding this are slim but so were the odds of us finding each other in the first place" IM RIPPING OFF MY OWN SKIN

also stede's lil sad hopeful smile after throwing the bottle... i care him

i love how they make this wedding fucking suck so we don't feel too bad abt the whole massacre thing. "the natural condition of humanity is base and vile. it is the obligation of people of standing, such as yourselves, to elevate the common human rabble through the sacred transaction of matrimony" if i was at a wedding and the officiant said that i'd also start killing people probably

yayy murder montage :)

FANG BREAKING THAT GUY'S SPINE OVER HIS KNEE

the whole cake scene is so fucking funny im sorry. i love u jim drawing the line at attacking a shitty wedding. i love u archie who wasn't here for the good old days so you dont really see a problem with how things are. i love u frenchie with ur box in ur brain that u never open again. i love u fang it's gonna get better i swear. i love u frenchie again bc u just took the cake right out of fang's hands while he was fucking sobbing hfjhgkjhdkjkf

I MISS IVAN JUSTICE FOR IVAN. wish they could've said he'd just fucked off somewhere instead of dying but i think that would've raised the question of why hasn't anyone else fucked off since they all seem so miserable

very relieved that stede isn't taking the racist/antisemitic caricature drawings of ed to make like a boyfriend scrapbook like some people were theorizing. would've been overkill if after episode 4 from last season stede still didn't realize that ed hated these sorts of depictions of him.

INTERESTING DETAIL THO the background music in this scene is "a pirate's life" aka the song frenchie sang in the pilot. it's an instrumental version obviously but yeah i recognize that tune

also more cool background ppl with dyed hair man i love this show

zheng yi sao flirting with olu is so good. he deserves it.

how nice of ed to offer his drugs to the crew. sharing is caring.

also it's so funny to me that the thing izzy is tormented by is ed saying "you can't do the job, someone else will" the toe thing's happened three times and apparently that was fine but the thing the show edits together right before izzy breaks down into the most pathetic aheemheem whimpers isn't any of that it's ed threatening to fire him

also they cut ed throwing knives at izzy!! what the hell.

releasing the clip of izzy crying kinda ruined it for me when it came time to watch it in the show bc i watched it several times since it dropped and now seeing it in context i was like "ok i've seen this already fast forward." i mean i didnt fast forward through it but i did kinda zone out bc i've seen this bit already. this post kinda sums up my thoughts on it

"trifling ingrate plan" dshkjfshgdskhfjkhgkjh

"SEMI-CLEAN WATER"

JACKIE CALLING THE SWEDE "BOO CAKES"

"i know that guy we had breakfast together!" "you'll be having a lot of breakfasts-es together" "oh, okay" i fucking love this whole dynamic like i can tell they're writing the swede out of most of the episodes for budget reasons (sorry nat faxon) but by god do they give him such an excellent fucking send-off. can't wait to see him again when he's in his trophy husband number 20 era

roach is upset abt not being able to cook, buttons is tied up so he doesn't go running back to the sea (i assume). stede you are not giving your crew the environment they need to thrive.

olu being an optimist :)

buttons opens his mouth to drink the rain and in the background u can see roach yanking the rope around buttons back fhdjskgfjhgkjfh STEDE YOUR SEA WITCH CANNOT THRIVE IN THESE CONDITIONS

stede tries to make things sound good in his bottle letters to ed but out loud he says his actual insecurities... it's so fucking tasty tho that he thinks ed could be doing better without him and THAT'S why he's been stalling so much. not afraid for his life even a little bit he just assumes he's not wanted. brb i have to cry now

"im sorry if that's a little bit creepy" "you are creepy" in this scene where they're soaked from the rain. ofmd said this prince ricky guys is creepy and wet.

stede's fucking FACE when prince ricky says "you're my hero" his fucking "clearly you dont own an air fryer" face I CANT STAND HIMMMMMM (affectionate)

prince ricky "these rubes" "men of our standing" yeah i cant fucking stand this guy (derogatory) i love how he's barely even in this episode

stede's face when the swede is talking abt how happy he is with jackie... my man believes in love so much im gonna cry

also in what fucking way does the swede owe them a life debt. roach and buttons literally tried to eat him

izzy's "you know me better than anyone knows me and i daresay the same about you" this is literally so false i dont even know where to begin. izzy in e6 being like "if i didnt know any better i'd think maybe ed might possibly maybe be actually enjoying bonnet's company" while ed and stede are giggling and making each other friendship bracelets. this guy doesn't know ed at all.

also i cant get over how izzy wont make eye contact he's like staring blankly into the middle distance delivering these lines so flatly until he goes to say "i have... love for you" and in that moment he looks like he'd rather ed were feeding him more toes.

"im worried about you, we all are" not gonna lie my dude you've had a weird way of showing it thus far. where was all that worry when you told him he was better off dead than wearing a robe and singing songs?? where was that fucking love then?

and NOW izzy wants to talk it through. izzy literally voted to make blackbeard great again and now he wants to give open communication a chance???

lmao there's a limit to how many characters can be in a bulleted list so here's fucking. part two. on the same post:

ed asking everyone if the vibe is poisonous and fang cant stop crying and ed's face is just like "eh good enough" im fdhksgfkjtdkh

anyway ed with a loaded gun under his chin talking to himself is hurting me so fucking much actually. ed my beloved babygirl for whom i would die. this poor traumatized man. yes he is making this workplace toxic as hell but god. GOD. im gonna throw up.

the way ed is so fucking casual about shooting izzy in the leg. just calm and jovial as he promotes frenchie to first mate. stepping over izzy all crumpled on the floor. everything about this is so fucking good. i mean it's horrible for ed and everyone around him but for me watching the show this shit is DELICIOUS. i love when the pirates get violent and unhinged i love when this shit gets fucked up. ed's mental state is so bad right now and it is causing me severe anguish but also it is so tasty. fuck.

anyway frenchie trying to turn down the promotion fhjkghdfjkhf

the cut to the swede performing the husbandly duties is INSANE. COMPLETE TONAL WHIPLASH. I LOVE THIS SHOW.

"fuck those hammies up!" spanish jackie i love you

black pete why are you so fucking loud AND WHY WOULD YOU JIX IT LIKE THAT???

why is prince ricky so small. he's like a full head shorter than stede. also this guy is insufferable i love how stede just fucking abandons him fhjkgdhkdfghkj

"the calf muscle is the most mysterious of alllll the muscles" what the FUCK does that even mean. oh swede i will miss you

NOSE REMOVAL FUCK YES. I LOVE THIS SHOW.

obsessed with the swede playing dumb. the dramatic gasp. "wow, so bad!" fhjsghdkjf

"aint you that soup bitch?" "im the money bitch" i love women.

sfdsjkh spanish jackie being into double-crossing. and slapping the swede's ass on the way out. i love this show

i love how zheng says "this much indigo is worth three times what i paid" while spanish jackie and the husbands are still like, right there. and they just don't hear that bit. incredible.

OUGH the back of jim's weird rope armor looks like a ribcage that's so cool

i love how jim is so fucking bad at telling this story. i love how the monkey's paw comes into it. i love fang asking them to do the voice. i love archie trying to hold back her laughter i love jim and fang giggling together I LOVE THIS SHOW

ed's fucking voice breaking through his whole convo with frenchie. im tearing out my own teeth

HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW THEY HAVE POST-CREDITS SCENES IN THIS SEASON?????????? WHAT THE HELL

i take back what i said about jim being bad at telling this story their version is so much fucking better. squeaky voice "I pray to you, Dark Lord, to make me real flesh! I want to be real flesh!" IM FUCKING OBSESSED. JIM I WOULD DIE FOR YOU

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bluestar22x · 9 months ago

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The Future

The Outcast - Epilogue: The Future

Summary: Just like winter, the end is just the beginning

Pairing: Pero Tovar x F!Reader

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 2,700 (ish)

Warnings: Mention of a baby goat (kid) having died, angst, pregnancy plot, non-graphic labor and birth, fluff, pov changes, quintessential happy ending

Author’s Note: This is a very self indulgent bonus part - you can read the first four parts and have a satisfying ending if this kind of ending isn't your thing. For those who do like this kind of ending guess what my favorite line(s) to write was.

Also, any names I used in this fic were themed and/or meaningful. And if one of my running themes of relating winter with life instead of death wasn't apparent, it should be now.

xxx

Death is far from a stranger on a functioning farm. Even though you usually sold your old, infertile goats to the nearest village's butcher instead of culling them yourself, that still left a whole slew of other ways for you to witness it. Illness, lethal injuries, stillbirths, and difficult deliveries that ended badly for the doe or her offspring or both had all occurred on your farm more than once.

You'd accepted it, and your need to hunt, a long time ago, because you loved the simplicity of this kind of life. You loved being mostly self reliant, knowing you could be fully self reliant if need be, and you loved the companionship of the animals you were dependent on.

Sometimes though, the deaths still hurt. Like when River, your first horse and Meadow's mother had died a few years after you'd moved onto the mountain, due to colic. She'd been in so much pain for so long you'd been forced to end her misery with a knife. The senseless guilt you'd felt after had lasted for weeks.

That was the most you'd ever cried over losing an animal, until one spring morning a year after Pero had decided to stay.

You tried to hide how upset you were by the latest death on the farm when you returned to the cottage to cook a morning meal for you both, but as soon as he followed you inside after an hour of chomping wood, you uncharacteristically started sobbing on sight of him.

Eyes filled with concern, your husband silently approached and gathered you up in his arms, kissing your temple as he did so. You took a deep breath and focused on his soothing warmth, his reassuring broad hands that slid up and down your spine, trying to put yourself back together.

"What has you so upset, mi esposa?" he eventually asked, nuzzling the side of your face, his short beard scraping against it lightly.

You stepped away from him, leaned against the kitchen counter top on one hand, and looked back to him. "It's one of Sweets' kids, the one who was sick, I found her dead this morning."

"I'm sorry cariño," he said quietly, dark eyes serious. "I know how hard you tried to save her."

You shook your head fiercely. "It's not that, I could handle that, it has happened several times before, but it's the way Sweets reacted when I removed the body from the paddock. She started bleating and desperately searching for her, even though she had her other new kid alongside her, even though the body had been cold when I discovered it. Hearing those sounds from her broke my heart."

"It doesn't help I kept thinking -," you paused, eyes widening as you realized what you'd been about to say.

Pero frowned at the way you'd cut yourself off. "It doesn't help what?" he prompted gently.

You sucked in a deep, shaky breath. You figured you might as well not hide it from him. "It doesn't help I kept imagining what she was feeling. Putting myself in her place. I don't think I could handle it if I lost the baby that way."

"The baby," Pero repeated, lips parting in surprise. He reached out to you and tugged you back to him, his arm looped around your waist. "Mi amor, are you saying what I think you are?"

You nodded, fresh tears flooding your eyes, joy overcoming your trepidation. "I am. It's still early, I'm probably only two months or so along, but I'm certain."

You hadn't bled in that time, and had felt nauseous many times over the previous month, neither of which was normal for you. Your emotions had been all over the place lately too. You'd never been a super stoic character, but you were usually far from the emotional wreck you felt like that morning.

Pero beamed at you and the shock of it left you breathless. It was a rare sight, his smile, let alone one that obvious. He leaned forward and kissed your cheek softly, lovingly, showing more affection than you'd once thought him capable of. "Everything will be alright, cariño," he reassured you.

It was not something he could actually promise, no man could act as a god, but his words comforted you anyway.

"I'll need to find a midwife who would be willing to stay the winter with us," you told him nervously. "If I'm correct, the baby will be born in the final days of the year or the early ones of the next. The passage will be closed off by then. When my sister visits I'll ask her to help me search for one."

Pero caressed your cheek with a thumb. "I'm sure an older one without family to care for would agree to stay with us in exchange for coin and free room and board. If not, I will convince them."

You arched your eyebrows, understanding what he meant. "I appreciate the offer, but please don't threaten any of the village midwives, especially the elderly."

"I cannot make any promises, mi amor."

Winter had never come faster. Not because it actually arrived sooner, but because there was so much to do before then. In the late spring you and Pero planted your garden and a part of the field with enough crops to keep all the animals and yourselves through the winter.

In the early summer your sister and her husband visited with their four children, two girls and two boys, and for a week the tiny cottage was chaotic. The children were always running off doing something adventurous while your sister helped you milk the goats and Pero and your brother in law worked together to build an additional room to the cottage.

As summer neared its end and your belly rounded, you began to focus on smaller tasks. You still cooked and cleaned, you still took care of the horses and goats, and some of the weeding in the small garden behind the cottage, but Pero assisted you and he took on the tasks that were more dangerous by himself, like hunting. He did the extra work gladly, wanting to do everything he could for you, never feeling like he could do enough.

Harvest came around and your brother in law returned to help with the crops, the midwife your sister had found for you in tow. Her name was Franny, and she was strict about what you could and could not do, having you rest most of the day when she wasn't helping you knit baby clothes, but she was kind, reminding Pero of the one grandmother he knew for only a decade before she passed. It took him time to get used to another adult being in the cottage for so long, but he figured a newborn would be an even bigger adjustment, so he adjusted.

The first snowfall was almost a shock, the months having flown by in a blur, and Pero began to feel anxious. Even with Franny in the spare room, what would later become the baby's room, being closed off from the village for a whole season with you in your condition and eventually a newborn worried him. So many things could go wrong, you of all people knew that, but you would have never agreed to leave the farm. As far as you were concerned if Franny couldn't help you, nobody could, and he supposed you were probably right.

Your prediction about your due date turned out to be precise, your first pangs of labor beginning during an early afternoon at the start of the new year.

He'd found you in the barn, sitting on a square bale of hay with an arm curled around the huge swell at your abdomen, grimacing as you endured the first painful wave.

And then everything moved far too slow. He helped you into the cottage and watched as Franny got to work, prepping for the delivery, clueless about what he could do. Franny was no help there. Traditional as could be, she would've shooed him out of the cottage for the day, no matter the cold, if you hadn't insisted he stay.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to stay, as useless as he felt, as fearful as he felt, but he did it for you. He scraped his mind for ways to help all the while, assisting a dubious Franny in setting up the bed for you, gathering enough firewood to keep your home warm for a couple days, and caring for all the animals on his own as quickly as he could before returning to your side to let you squeeze his hand as your contractions continued to strengthen at an agonizingly slow pace.

It wasn't until morning the next day that Franny declared it was time for you to push. She had you sit up in bed and undress halfway with Pero's help before she prompted you to spread your legs and bend your knees. You pressed your back to Pero's chest after, using his body to support your own.

Through gritted teeth you bore down with several contractions, panting and breaking out in a sweat from your efforts. Pero kept his face close to yours, murmuring encouragement into your ear as you struggled. And when you reached back and grasped one of his a thighs tightly in an attempt to distract yourself, he let you, not caring whether or not it bruised under your fingertips if it helped you cope.

As the minutes passed, as you tired, your chest rising and falling rapidly, your legs trembling, he became concerned something might be wrong, but Franny remained calm, continuously urging you to keep going.

"A couple more," she promised you. "A couple more good solid pushes and it'll be over, sweetie. Don't give up now."

Pero saw it in your eyes, the moment you mentally and physically dug your heels in and began pushing with renewed determination, and he was awed, not sure how you'd come by the reserve.

Finally your laboring paid off and you slumped backwards into his arms, relief washing over your face as a sharp wail pierced the air.

He glanced from you to the small, wet infant flailing in Franny's arms, and his world shifted.

Outside, snow began to fall.

Ten years later...

"Why do I have to go?" the seven year old girl before you bemoaned. "Why can't I stay here?"

"You're not old enough to stay here by yourself, Stela," you explained. "Your brother wouldn't even be allowed to stay by himself and he's three years older than you."

"He's old," she stated and you couldn't help but chuckle.

"Maybe, but still not old enough."

Stela pouted at you then continued to put on her winter coat and boots, a long dramatic sigh slipping from her as she stood up from the kitchen chair she'd been sitting in. You thought she was far too young to be turning into a moody teenager, but guessed it was the part she'd inherited from her father breaking through.

You finished assisting her five year old sister, Lene, with her coat before leading them both outside into the frigid night. Lene immediately dove head first into the fresh snow layered on the ground gleefully, while her older sister folded her arms and stomped her way over to the front of the barn where Pero and her brother William were waiting for them.

Out of all of your children, William looked most like his father, his eye shape, chin, and nose all miniature copycats of Pero's. Stela had his eyes, but was more like you, physically, and Lene reminded you of your sister. However, they all shared Pero's dark hair and eyes.

"Ready to ride?" Pero quizzed Stela as she trudged right past him. He frowned when she showed no sign of hearing him and met your eyes. "What is she upset about this time?"

"She's angry about being outvoted," you replied. "Said she didn't want to see the stupid lights again and wanted to stay home. She's definitely your daughter."

Pero chuckled and pulled you against him at the hip with one hand as you both trailed your children into the barn to saddle up the horses.

Lene assisted her father with Orion, a four year old colt who was the youngest offspring of the since retired Clover and Thor, grandson to the deceased Meadow, and Pero's new mount. Like his sire, Orion was jet black in color, except for the small crystal shaped star marking that was usually hidden under his forelock. His surprisingly calm disposition was more like Clover though.

Your latest mount, a five year old solid bay mare named Aspen who was Orion's full sibling, was equally as quiet once she'd settled into adulthood, and you had her tacked in no time as Stela watched, still moping.

Last was Thunder, an eight year old bay gelding with a stripe shaped like a lightning bolt running down his face. The most well behaved and eldest offspring of Clover and Thor, Thunder had been assigned to William when he got old enough to start riding on his own.

He was still too tall for William to saddle him, so Pero flung it over the horse's back for him, but the young boy took care of the rest, a true horseman despite his youth.

Once you, Pero, and William led your horses outside the girls approached, Stela hesitantly letting Pero boost her up onto Orion, and Lene begging you to set her in Aspen's saddle. You and Pero climbed on your horses so you were behind them while William found a stump to help propel himself onto Thunder's back.

Someday the children would learn how to ride bareback, but it would not be that night, so you lived with it, though the wind was making you shiver and yearn for the shared body heat.

You led the way up the mountain as was tradition, your family making the trip at least once a winter, more if the children wanted to ride out that far in the dark.

Lene loved it. Loved everything, really. The girl had more positivity and enthusiasm than you and Pero could've ever had combined.

William enjoyed it as well, already into nature as much as you were, and just as quiet about it.

And Stela, well, she often spent most of the ride brooding and complaining about the cold. That night was no different.

Once you reached your destination, you, Pero, and William slowed your horses to a stop a few yards from the edge with your horses shoulder to shoulder so everyone had a great view of the lights.

While the children had grown older (far too quickly), and you and Pero had long since started to grey, the lights had remained the same, seemingly everlasting, tying the years of memories you'd shared together as they shimmered in the sky.

You looked to each of your children in turn and smiled at the delight on their faces, even Stela's, before you glanced to Pero, who was studying your face. You hoped he would never tire of it, cause you certainly wouldn't tire of looking at him, especially when he was holding your middle child by the hip to steady her, to make sure she wouldn't fall off Orion. He was always watching out for his children like that and whenever you witnessed it first hand your heart always threatened to combust.

Fate was not something you'd believed in when you were young, but the older you got, the more you weren't so convinced there wasn't something bigger out there at least nudging you towards the future you were supposed to live out. How else could you have been so lucky to find Pero in time? How else could he have been so lucky to have been chased up your mountain instead of any of the others in the chain that were uninhabited?

One change in events and you'd have never met, or he'd have never turned back come spring. And then you would've never married, and your children would've never been born. You would have spent the rest of your life in tranquility, happy, sure, but never quite fulfilled.

Whether or not fate was real, you were grateful.

You stretched your hand out towards Pero's and he automatically intertwined his fingers with yours, having long lost a hesitancy he'd had towards sharing that kind of intimacy with you.

"Let's head back home," you said simply, and he nodded, turning Orion away from you, for once choosing to take lead.

Guiding you into your future, like you had guided him home.

xxx

Tagged: @elegantduckturtle @harriedandharassed

xxx

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

xxx

#Pero Tovar #The Great Wall #Pero Fanfic (Mine)#The Great Wall Fanfic #X Reader #The Outcast Series

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bellygunnr · 7 months ago

Text

Cavalry Call

Commission piece for @poisonheadcrabsalesman of my Spartan and AI Roland driving a tank!

Gunny squints through the War Games UI. He's not in armor, so there's no HUD, necessarily, but his neural implant jumps to connect with the simulation pod and forces various shapes and lines to scrawl over his naked eyes. It makes his brain pulse in a deeply uncomfortable way. He jabs aimlessly at the air, snarling when he puts in the wrong option, tosses his head back when his implant abruptly goes icy and his world tinges yellow.

Bit small in here, isn't it? A familiar voice says.

Gunny leans on the edge of the pod, world swimming counter-clockwise.

"Roland," he says. "What are you doing up?"

The freezing sensation zips down his spine and melts slowly. His vision flares. Roland is-- showing off, he realizes, rifling through his brain and making the pod easier to work with.

"This is an oddly specific setup for you," Roland replies, ignoring him completely. "Ohhh. You were Army?"

The pod hums to life. Gunny climbs inside, settling into the straps, harness, and chair, and tries not to think about Roland partially riding inside. He didn't ask for a buddy, but maybe he's just doing that badly, to warrant pity from--

Hey, Roland says sharply.

Right.

He relaxes into the restraint. The hum rises in volume until his molars buzz, and then the world melts away. His limbs grow heavy and gravity tries to yank him to the ground.

But he catches his footing and rolls back to a standing position-- right next to an M808B MBT. Scorpion, for short. Gunny runs his hands over the angled hull of a tread pod, nodding to himself. It'd be a tight fit inside with his helmet.

I've never driven one of these before, Roland comments. Mind if I tag along?

"Do I have a choice?" Gunny grunts, swinging himself up and over the rear pod and on top of the cockpit.

He kicks open the hatch with one practiced strike with his boot, but hesitates on diving inside. Instead, he crouches under the long barrel, taking stock of his surroundings. That was the problem with War Games--

It could simulate enemies, but not friendlies. His ghosts didn't care what he was doing here.

"You always have a choice," Roland says, seeping into his armor speakers. "You haven't said no yet, either."

"You didn't ask," Gunny snaps. "You seriously haven't ridden a tank?"

His HUD shivers yellow at the edges. He wishes he knew what Roland is doing, knows he can ask, but doesn't. The horizon some two kliks south lights up in neon and ionizes the air. Shakes the ground.

Don't sound so surprised, Roland says, deep in his mind, I'm usually busy flying a starship!

He sucks in a deep breath and swings down into the cockpit of the tank. The tip of his helmet's horn grazes the ceiling before the single seat bolted to the floor grabs him and holds him close. His neck twinges as Roland jumps around, stretching himself out to fill the space of a brain and fake reality, while his neural implant does the same to sink deep into the tank.

Yeah, okay. He hasn't been in a Scorpion in a long time. It's kind of comforting, if you consider lying prone in a giant metal coffin a comfort.

Still, it takes a second for the controls to rise to his finger tips. The tank has to be started manually, but that's muscle memory. Gunny's sure the only reason he's aware of the process at all is due to Roland skimming through his brain, pleased. Then it's letting the exterior sensors and computer guiding systems pour into his brain.

"Kind of claustrophobic, don't you think?" Roland laughs.

Under the laughter, there's a current of genuine discomfort. Gunny lets the massive engine roar up through his throat and into his guts, lets Roland copy the synapses necessary to encourage the tank to move, and hauls off toward the flashing forest with dirt and stone dragging across his- their- backside.

The Scorpion has its name for a few reasons, really. The most obvious is its silhouette. That low, wide hull that hugs the ground, yet snaps up into a long-snouted cannon turret. Just like its namesake, it has a long reach and a nasty bite.

And it's agile as hell.

Gunny coaxes the big thing off the plateau and down a pile of previously-blasted rock. Data rushes in at an increased rate and he braces for the skull-splitting division of attention that comes with it, but between Roland and the Spartan implant, coordinating the four track pods down the slope feels more like breathing than it should. The engine whines in discomfort as its buffeted by the slide.

He floors it into the copse of trees.

Roland is a heavy presence the entire time, all curiosity and quiet disapproval, apparently aware of how familiar Gunny is with the scenario and able to suss out what that means, exactly. It's the quietude that's unnerving-- moreso than the Covenant Armoured lurking just beyond the border of the woods.

"Did Crimson send you after me?" Gunny demands.

He's not sure if he speaks aloud or thinks really hard or what. There's like, two Spartans total on Crimson that'd hunt after him, and that's Sadie and Rhodes. And Rhodes and Roland--

Gunny's head twitches as he gets a targeting lock on a Wraith turning away from his position. That is according to plan. Yet...

He cuts the speed incrementally. Breathes in.

Can't a guy hang out with his favorite Fireteam?

His vision blurs slightly. The barrel drops. Brakes grind. The entire assembly jerks as he hammers in the firing solution and lets loose on the errant Wraith. The 102mm round drills through the shields and sinks deep into the power core of the beast.

Roland makes a little squeaking sound as he, presumably, detects every alien start trying to get a lock on their position. Gunny slams into reverse just as the Wraith gives up and explodes.

And explodes again-- ammunition reserve, then. Nice.

You really don't like tanks, huh? Gunny projects. Watch this.

"Target lock," the tank says.

Oh. Well.

The Scorpion lurches as he abruptly tries to pivot left and swings into a tree, knocking it over with a crack. Overhead, a flaming ball of plasma rains down onto their position.

"Oops," Gunny says blandly.

Roland jumps from the tank to his brain in a panic.

The exterior of the Scorpion burns. Gunny just hastily resets the simulation with a groan.

----

Like what you see? Commission me or drop me a ko-fi.

#halo #fireteam crimson #spartan gordon arizona #gunny writes #this was a lot of fun thank u for the encouragement

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somnianyx · 2 years ago

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GN!Reader || Content: angst, fluffy moments, character death, comfort/hurt

There's a mention of girl but other than that's it's completely gender neutral. It's just cuz I don't know what to use to replace it so feel free to use other terms you like.

It's a lengthy oneshot and honestly it kinda sucks. more dialogue than actions too.

"Waa it's snowing really heavily today!" You exclaimed, observing the falling snowflakes like someone who had never seen snow before.

"What's so impressive about the snow that your jaw looks like it'll fall off any second?" Sae sips his coffee, not looking up at you from his laptop.

You turned to him, eyebrow slightly furrowed. "You just don't get it. It means christmas is around the corner! Although it does get a little too cold sometimes..." Shivers ran up your spine as soon as the words left your lips.

Sae abruptly stood up, holding his hand out for you. Albeit a bit confused, you let your lover drag you towards the couch, sitting you down before disappearing to your shared bedroom.

"What are you doing?" Sae didn't respond, he came out with the blanket you had folded just this morning. "Hey! I just folded that-"

"You said it's cold right? Let's cuddle on the couch." Instead of him, you're the one who got all embarrassed. His straightforwardness is one of the things you love about him but you swear its going to kill you one day.

Concerned by your slightly red face, he dropped the blanket he was holding beside you and puts his hand on your forehead. "Did you already get a fever? Your face is quite red. Maybe I should turn up the heater."

"No! I'm fine! Just... embarrassed." You tried to avoid his confused gaze, feeling his eyes linger on your face trying to decipher the reason.

"Why are you embarrassed? Nothing is embarrassing about being cold."

His question just made you even more flustered, "You shouldn't be so nice to me! What if I fell harder for you, stupid Sae."

"It's only natural that I'll be nice since we're a couple. Isn't that something to be happy for?"

"Yeah, but sometimes you'll have to go abroad for nationals. I won't be able to see you for months and I'll miss you too much that I won't wanna let you go."

"You're not making any sense since I take you with me on every single trip." He sighed and slightly shook his head from your antics, "I'm not going to any nationals soon remember? I took the year off so we can prepare for our wedding."

Hearing that puts a little smile on your face that didn't go unnoticed. Your fiancé tilts his head, giving you a short kiss before making his way to the kitchen.

"Ah! Sae, come back! It's too cold."

"I'm making you something warm to drink. Be a good girl and wait for me."

December 24th, 20xx

"Did you get everything we needed for tonight's dinner?" Sae's voice came from your phone.

"Mhm! Did you got the cake that I said I wanted that day?"

"It's right here beside me. I don't see why you specifically want this cake."

"Cause I heard it was so good that you had to wait a whole day in line just to even get a slice! I wanted to try it once in my life y'know?"

"..."

"Sae?"

"People had to wait in line a whole day for this? The owner just gave me the whole cake when I asked for it. Said its for my lovely fiancé to enjoy."

"What!?"

"What?"

"Wow... this must be one of the benefits to have a famous soccer player as your lover."

"We've been together for 3 years. How do you just realize that?"

"I'm just kidding. What were you doing the whole day outside then if not for the cake?"

"I went to buy some more gifts that I thought you would like. You were practically making googly eyes on that watch we saw at the mall the other day."

"Ack! I thought I was being sneaky.."

"You're bad at being sneaky. You know damn well I only had my eyes on you the entire time."

You giggled at his remark, "Yes yes~ I'm gonna start preparing dinner now. Drive home safe Sae ♡︎"

"Can't you wait till I get home so we can make it together?"

"Nope! See you soon. I love you."

"I love you more, (Y/N)"

You walked back into your shared apartment, holding Sae's favorite takeout when the both of you were too lazy to cook. Setting it aside on the kitchen counter, you proceeded with your normal afterwork routine.

You put on his clothes, his scent surprisingly still lingering although noticeably lesser the more you wear it. Rolling into your bed, you wrapped yourself with the blanket you guys share every night. It smells just like him, in a way it feels strangely comforting yet it makes your heart ache.

Missing his voice, you unlocked your phone and set it beside your ear so you can hear him perfectly.

"Hello?"

"Sae..."

"(Y/N), I'm gonna be little late. The road is slippery and there's traffic so I'll have to be extra careful. Will you be okay?"

"No, I won't be."

"Let me know if you're missing any other ingredients. I'll pick it up on the way home. I'm sorry I couldn't get home faster to cook dinner with you."

"You idiot. You don't have to apologize. I told you I'll take care of it."

"(Y/N), I'm bad at expressing my feelings but somehow it feels right to say this now. I hope we can spend Christmas together for the rest of our lives. New years, valentine's day, white day. I promise we'll spend it all together."

"You're such a meanie Sae."

"The traffic is starting to move. I'll tell you more when I get home. Please call me when you hear this. I love you, (Y/N)."

"So mean..."

Before you even notice, tears were already streaming down your face. Slightly dampening the blanket you're holding close to your body.

Voicemail sent at December 24th 20xx, 8:43pm

"You didn't even fulfill your promise of spending this year's Christmas with me. Now I have to spend new years alone too? How cruel of a man you are Itoshi.."

You place your hand on the permanent divot from where his body once occupied the space next to yours. Remembering how you fell asleep to his heartbeat as he held you close, his free hand playing with your hair and the way he places a small kiss on your forehead when he's sure you're slumbering.

"Sae... It's cold. Please come back.."

#bllk x reader #blue lock sae #bllk sae #sae itoshi #blue lock #blue lock x reader #blue lock sae itoshi #angst #blue lock angst #sae x reader #sae x y/n #sae x you #sae itoshi x reader #blue lock x you #bllk x you #bllk x y/n #itoshi sae #oneshot #sad dreams

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bite-sized-devil · 2 years ago

Note

hi sweet pea!! For the headcanon meme I’m thinking Asmo? (Yes he’s all I’ve thought about this week I can’t help it anymore 💀)

∇ - old age/aging headcanon

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

✿ - Sex headcanon

I hope you enjoy your days off!! 💛

Max my darling, I'm so sorry this took me so long. I have no excuses besides the obvious, I suck! 😭😭 I hope you like it! 🌻🌻

Warning: 18+ content below MDNI. I did try to keep the sex headcanon gender neutral for both Asmo and MC. Also consensual recording obviously. (I heard you the other day random anon with your clit and pussy Asmo so hopefully you can enjoy this too 💕)

Character Headcanons

Asmodeus:

Old age/aging headcanon:

Watching you grow old has been a privilege. He's loved every second of it. You are just as beautiful to him now as the day you met all those years ago.

He loves running his fingers through the streaks of grey in your hair. Kissing the wrinkles around your eyes, proof to him that he's made you laugh and kept you smiling your long life together.

If he could have had you for an eternity he would have, but he wouldn't trade the life he had with you for anything. Your soul will return to his in your next life, of that he is sure. He's been alive for a millenia, he can wait for you again.

Angry/violent headcanon:

"Holy shit, holy SHIT!" Mammon cries as he rushes into your room, slamming and locking the door behind him. "I've never seen him this mad before! MC please, ya gotta hide me!"

Mammon is frantically opening up your cupboard doors and throwing your clothes onto floor. Yes like that's not an obvious enough hiding spot.

"Mams what is-!" you're about to ask him what is going on, trying to pull him back out of the closet when you're cut off by the sound of your bedroom door getting blown off its hinges and smashing to floor.

It's Asmo standing in your doorway, looking deadly in his demon form. Gorgeous as always but the air around him is thick with fury. The look he's giving mammon would kill you out right if he was directing it at you. Speaking of Mammon, he's currently trying to shield himself with your body. Typical.

"MAMMON! THAT WAS LIMITED EDITION YOU IDIOT... Oh hi MC darling, you look absolutely radiant today... DOES YOUR PEA SIZED BRAIN EVEN COMPREHEND THE MEANING OF THOSE WORDS? THERE ARE ONLY THREE IN EXISTENCE!!" He pauses in the middle of his yelling to acknowledgement your presence in the room before continuing his tirade of abuse.

Mammon is quaking behind you, the fact that he isn't trying to speak up for himself, even at the dig at his intelligence, tells you everything you need to know.

"Asmo, STOP!" You command, you hate using your pact on Asmo this way but you have too protect Mammon, and your room!

Sex headcanon:

A delicate hand has a firm hold on your chin making it impossible to look anywhere but forward. The big lens in front of you recording every little squirm and wiggle you make while trapped in your partner's arms.

"Look at the camera baby, don't be scared." Asmo's soft voice caresses the shell of your ear causing a shiver to run up your spine.

"I-I'm not." You stutter in response, a fresh blush blooming on your cheeks. You're not scared, you're just nervous about the camera. It's the first time you've been filmed like this; fully naked while being pleasured by your lover.

You feel the answering chuckle against your shoulder in between kisses so sweet you feel like melting into a puddle.

The hand not gripping your chin has been slipping down your shirtless torso so slow it's like torture. You can't stop a high-pitched whine escaping your lips as asmo's fingers slide down your hip and caress your inner thigh.

"P-pleeease Asmo-aahhhh." Your plea turns to a moan of pleasure. Those pretty, expert fingers have finally made their way to your sex. One of your hands fists those rose gold locks as you try and ground yourself, those soft fingers making you feel like your floating away.

"Be a dear and cum for the camera baby, need to show you how beautiful you look when you come undone under my touch."

Hope you liked reading this as much as I did writing it! I haven't written for Asmo in a while besides script fics so this was nice. I love my pretty baby <3 <3

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anexperimentallife · 7 months ago

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Life/Health Update

The thing we've been most worried about is the damage to my heart from COVID and anti-inflammatories. BP has been slowly going down over the past few months, so that would seem to indicate that at least SOME of the damage to my heart is healing. Let's hope. Need to get all those tests done again to know for sure, but for now they've taken me off one of my BP meds, so that's promising. (This was the main thing we were considering trying to get back to the states for, so I could use my medical benefits.) The rest of the stuff impacts quality of life, but isn't directly life-threatening, so if the other issues have to wait, they have to wait.

The hole in my throat still needs closed up. That will probably be the priority once we get my mouth issues (below) sorted. This one is kind of dangerous, as food, medication, and liquids often get stuck in there, and can throw off med dosages and sometimes cause me to choke. Been lucky so far, I guess.

One place in my jaw still pokes through inside, and another is threatening to. If those places don't start reabsorbing within the next few days, they'll have to open up the inside of my mouth AGAIN to file them down. So I'm gumming my food for at least another eight weeks before we can do anything about new teeth.

We're able to get the eye drops that take down the swelling in my retina fairly regularly now, so here's hoping that if I keep using them for three more months they'll have some kind of permanent effect. Probably still need surgery on that eye, though. Sucks that this happened to my formerly good eye--it used to have 20/10 vision. Temperature seems to play a role in the amount of fun-house-mirror-vision, but we live in the tropics, so not much to do about that. (We live in the mountains, so it's not as bad as the lowlands, but AC is rare up here.)

I don't think the cataract in the other eye has gotten too much worse, but that's obviously going to need surgery eventually, as well. If I can come out of this with one good eye, I'll consider myself lucky.

Brain fog (combination of long COVID, ADHD, Autism, and a traumatic brain injury) is still bad, but not as bad as it was. Nothing to do about that but wait.

My spine injuries are still an issue, with occasionally arm cramping/paralysis that used to be JUST in my right arm, but now sometimes spreads to my left. At least the cramping keeps the muscles toned? (Trying to look at the bright side here.) Neck exercises and stretching help with that, as does ice. (I mean, yeah, there's the constant pain, too, but that's the least of my concerns.)

Still need that second foot surgery, because the cauterization didn’t completely take from the last one; not only am I open for another infection (like the two-year one that an infectious disease specialist finally cleared up for me), but walking is pretty painful, too, even if I’m not talking about joint injuries.

Joint injuries... Hoo boy. Definitely gonna need a hip replacement eventually, and probably both knees.

I have chronic fatigue now, plus every pre-existing condition and old injury I had has been exacerbated by long COVID. It sucks. My stamina is improving little by little, though.

Treatment for all of the medical stuff has to wait for one thing at a time to be affordable. My health was stable until COVID, but now... Damn. Unfortunately, COVID came around around the time we found out we were having a baby, and four bouts of COVID have left my health completely fucked and exacerbated all my old injuries.

(If you're new here, you may not know that the licensing contract to convert some of my old fiction to a game--which, fortunately, did not count as "work income" for social security purposes--got canceled just weeks after El was born, meaning our income dropped way down, and that a snafu with Eleanor's birth certificate made her stateless, which took every bit of our savings plus the proceeds from a fundraiser to correct. If not for the combo of COVID and El's birth certificate snafu, we'd be fine both medically and financially.)

I'm working on plotting out more Quiet World and Alex And stuff, which I'll be shopping around, but frankly, even if it sells, it probably won't be much. (If you were here in 2013, you may remember that I had just started to have success selling my fiction to pro markets when my sons died, which threw me for a loop for several years, so I have to start over building a reputation.)

We've considered a move back to the US to use my medical benefits, but a) that'd be expensive af, and b) the US may be on the edge of becoming a military dictatorship, so even if we had the money for it, we'd want to wait to see what November holds.

So yeah, that's what's been going on with my health and our finances. As always, @thesurestthing and Baby El bring me joy, and my sort-of-adopted niece @geniussheepworld is a great help to all of us.

With so many people in the world suffering so much, I am reluctant to post a funding link. We are MOSTLY financially stable--it's just that we have to save up for my medical stuff while we work to finish paying off about 11K USD of debt from El's paperwork thing and all the medical whammies (and thank you to everyone who has helped already)--but if you want to help with that, the best link is either our paypal donation link or Ko-Fi.

#uncle rob gets personal #uncle rob gets medical

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astrxealis · 2 years ago

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i ended up rambling so much in the tags about my personal social life oh my lol 🥹

good morning 🥺

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LMFAOOO UHM ANYWAYS HI !! mind is a mess but also weirdly okay. i've been doing pretty good?#i really want to get my shit together and do a bunch of fucking things this year before it ends and before i turn older again #sooo. i still have a lot to improve on but i have been a bit less shy...? kind of.#not changing who i am but yk adjusting and adapting and all that! my identity crisis stuff are better fr now :]#i haven't played ffxiv in a bit but i'm not worried about not loving it anymore considering i still think about it so goddamn often at #least once a day and i sometimes randomly click on my ffxiv playlist when i'm bored just to play some random song from the 500+ in it. yeah.#but esp into bands rn fr! it's lovely i have the people around me to thank for that honestly? friends classmates family. lovely indeed.#really a big fucking fan of the 1975 and matty healy and i could explain but it'd take so goddamn long but there's. yeah. yeah.#not anything weird lol. i do like celebrities actually and not hate them but i hate social media and celebrity and cancel culture and a lot #more and yeah if i say i hate how society is today then it probably makes sende why i love the band and the guy a lot.#BUT ANYWAYS. what else uhmm ... TXT'S COMEBACK IS SOOOO GOOD but unfortunately i'm a bit delusional #and think yeonjun's hair is really similar to mine rn. but ngl it actually is !! anyways love em frfr <3 #uhhhhhhh. i will finally reply to others sometime soon i think. bcs my social battery seems to be quite better now.#also since the new year (a bit before it already honestly) my sleep sched has been pretty great! never any later than 2 #and uhh yeah a lot of stuff? i've been anxious but then things have been going well and my cramps have been nonexistent altho i am scared #for my spine and. i don't know. life does suck at times but it isn't always bad. but i'm just so ambitious and passionate #that i need to make the most out of everything? but at least i'm taking more care of myself now. i'm glad.#and i love my friends and family and me and lune are going to help feed the stray cats around here bcs there's volunteers and we've talked #with them already !! and we could one day adopt. and there's two kittens that are perfect for me and lune. <3 #hmm yeah i know i'm a person with a lot of potential and i'm confident i'm that kind of person who includes others who seem left out #and i'm good at being a leader and so much more and i mean those genuinely but. i suppose things have #been holding me down? but... yeah. i'll do better and believe in myself more!#also because i want to go to a good university LMFAO. i'll also try overseas but i doubt it'll be possible but there's no harm in trying!#and i want a band and i want to write officially and i want to do so much. in time. yeah <33

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childotkw · 1 year ago

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Jordan, plz we need another part of the regulus saves izuna au

Also how far did the rumors about regulus really reach?? Was he infamous in a matter of days or did they have to do enough searching to find him???

I'd say he arrives about six months before the fated Izuna-getting-fatally-stabbed battle, which is plenty of time for him to arrive, adjust, start his little habit of magically healing people, and gaining a reputation. Madara had already heard rumours of a guy apparently able to heal even some of the worst wounds, so he immediately sets out to find him once they realise Izuna ain't gonna be coming back from this one. Hence the kidnapping! Lucky for him, Regulus has a weakness for brothers 😉

Most of the surrounding ninja clans in the Land of Fire would probably know about him by that point. They do deal in information after all, and someone who can heal as well as he can would be a hot topic. Some might have even gotten help from him, but he exists in this weird off-limits / no-man's-land space because he's a civilian, unaffliated with any clan, and isn't interested in being affiliated with any of them. They...don't really know what to do with him, to be honest.

But after he heals Izuna, the Uchiha are basically trying to claim him, and it kicks up a lot of interest (and protest - mainly from Regulus himself 😂)

--- -- --- -- --- -- ---

"Oh, that's not right," Regulus muttered under his breath.

It had Madara straightening immediately from where he was slumped against the wall, the crack in his spine almost audible. Between one blink and the next, the man was beside him - and if Regulus were not already used to how fast these bastards could move, he might have jumped.

Which would have been a pity since he was wrist deep in someone's chest cavity at the moment.

"What is it?" Madara asked, low and rough from the hours he had spent in here without a break. Regulus could feel his own thirst, a burn that pulsed in time with his heartbeat and made his whole throat feel swollen.

"There's something in his wound," Regulus said, frowning a little deeper as he again felt that oily sliver brush against his magic before ducking away. "It's not...shrapnel or anything like that, but it's definitely responsible for the infection being as difficult to curb as it is."

"Poison?" Madara hissed, his eyes narrowing suspiciously, and Regulus might not be able to sense their chakra well but he could feel the weight spreading over the room like an uncomfortably hot blanket.

He clicked his tongue.

"Stop that," he snapped, feeling his headache grow. "And no, it's not poison. My mag - any foreign substances would have already been purged during my initial work. This thing...whatever it is, it's aware." He looked up at the other man. "It's sentient."

"So it's a parasite?" Madara suggested, mouth twisting with confusion.

"I don't know what it is," Regulus said, shaking his head. His hair, drenched in sweat from how long he had been healing, clung to his forehead and neck. "But it keeps slipping through my senses. It's hiding, trying to burrow deeper inside him to avoid me. But I can feel it. It's like ink - slick and disgusting. Whatever this thing is, it does not want me to heal your brother."

And like most older brothers would, like Sirius would if this had been Regulus, Madara's shoulders went back and his expression darkened with protective fury.

"Can you get it out?"

Regulus looked back down at where his hand was sunk into Izuna like he had dipped his hand through the surface of water, the spell he had cast the only thing making this possible. His mind raced, trying to recall something, anything, that might let him draw this toxic shard out of his patient.

"Maybe," he answered. "Though it won't be easy for him to endure."

Whatever manner of foulness polluted Izuna was strong. It was sucking the life right out of the younger man, draining his energy and keeping him on the precipice of death in a way that was unnatural. A lot like a curse, it feasted on him.

It was only Regulus' magic at this point that was keeping Izuna alive.

"Do it," Madara ordered.

#anonymous #HP #naruto #regulus black #madara uchiha #am i implying that zetsu is keeping izuna on death's door?#yes #yes i am #too bad a wizard's involved now

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demon-of-the-ancient-world · 11 months ago

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This isn't at all my usual topic of interest, but I want to talk (ie. rant) about the idea of trauma and mental health.

I see the term "childhood trauma" a lot. Most often, the story goes like this: something Bad happened to you as a child, and now as an adult you're dealing with the repercussions of it in the form of poor mental health. And it's common. That's a really common string of events, and obviously one I have deep sympathy for.

There are a few things I want to probe at though. First of all, when we talk about 'childhood trauma' what do we actually mean? Because it certainly looks different depending on who you ask and who has experienced it. The most common thing - what seems to be the assumed thing - is a bad relationship with your parents. "I have childhood trauma" in many cases is assumed to equal "my parents abused me/were toxic/ weren't present etc." Which, obviously, can be the case. It's just not always the case. Childhood trauma can stem from any number of things; bullying, poverty, abuse/mistreatment from family members who aren't parents, witnessing a disturbing event, death of loved ones, living in an unsafe area, experiencing war/natural disasters/large-scale conflict, trouble with authority figures/adults not in the immediate family at all, severe illness or injury at a young age...the list goes on and on. It just frustrates me to see so many people jump to the conclusion that "childhood trauma" means "my parents were bad at parenting" and ONLY that.

Secondly, and this is an obvious one but...adults can be traumatized too. But I don't see "adult trauma" talked about nearly as often -- if you suffer from mental illness, the assumption (at least from what I've seen and experienced) is that something happened in your childhood to make you "that way", not that something happened last week.

The way I see the trauma -> mental illness pipeline being talked about, it's as if everyone is on the same page and talking about the same thing. It's not always the same thing.

Thirdly...sometimes mental illness just hits you. It just does. Sometimes it hits you when you're young and it's dealing with that which causes trauma responses, but sometimes you're a perfectly happy adult with very little in your life you'd consider traumatic, and then all of a sudden you start having Symptoms. People's brains are all hardwired differently, and sometimes people can develop mental illness without much warning or reason. It's not always one thing leading to another at all.

I also just...get frustrated about the implications that trauma is something that Happens To You. A Thing Happened. Someone did something To You.

That's not always true.

To get personal, here's my story. I was diagnosed with several mental/neurological conditions at a very young age (like, had just started kindergarten) and have spent the last 20 years figuring out ways to deal with that. I also had a severe spinal injury in high school.

I was lucky in some ways. I had loving supportive family and friends, and got some level of treatment. I wasn't bullied. But I've spent the majority of my life fighting off my own brain and my own body, which is...pretty exhausting. And has probably left me with some level of trauma, if you want to call it that. Even then though, I was already mentally ill. I've been mentally ill this whole time, and that fact hasn't made my mental health any better, but it also doesn't mean that the initial issue came from somewhere. It just happened.

What I know it *has* left me with is a lot of guilt. Because the narrative I see most often perpetuated re: mental health troubles is that someone else did this to you. Someone hurt you or wronged you. And that got me thinking...well, nobody hurt me. No person has ever done anything to me that's That Bad - or at least, not as bad as what my own brain was already doing. My brain just sucked, out of nowhere. My spine sucked, out of nowhere. I did this to me.

It's the nature of fault in these narratives, I think, that I could never relate to. If you have trauma, somebody else caused it, ergo somebody else is at fault. But the only fault I could ever come up with for my issues was my own.

So while I don't want to sound like the privileged minority going "but what about Meeee???" I do want to encourage people to reconsider what you see as trauma, to do less armchair diagnosing and wondering what could have "happened" to someone to "cause" their mental health issues. Your story is not universal. The most commonly presumed stories are not universal. Nobody's story is universal, which is why blind assumption helps nobody.

If you're suffering, if you have suffered, your suffering is valid. It doesn't have to have a clear starting point, or a clear transition from one form of suffering to another. Your mental health matters, even if it doesn't look the way people expect it to look.

I have no idea if I'll get hate for saying this, It's just been on my mind for a while and I wanted to get it out. Take care of yourselves.

#mental health #mental illness #trauma #tw childhood trauma #tw mental illness

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mrsphork · 2 years ago

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My husband has started writing for me. Tell me what you think.

Eyes... Eyes.. Why is everything dark? Why is it so cold in here? Where am I?

I feel the warm touch on my wrist and hear mur murs of voices but can't make them out. Everything is cold besides that hand. "No Pulse, hurry!" Did I just hear that? My memory plays tricks on me all the time but I remember watching House, Bones, and especially Grey's.... Are they taking my pulse? "ON HER BACK!!!" I hear the scream, the voice is familiar but completely unknown. Stern but feminine and the hands are soft and warm. Where am I? Why can't I see anything, why won't my damn eyes work?

I feel my dress being pulled tight against the skin under my arms. That doesn't make sense? I was wearing my peach house dress, why would you pull it tight? The hand moves down and pulls my bra a little lower off of my chest and I feel soft, almost silky hair and, yes a head on my chest. It's like holding one of my babies against me so they could hear my heart when they were small. I miss my babies, they're all grown up now; out of the house. "I need a cutter!". Cutter? What... wait.. that's cold! I feel cold steel against my sternum and hear my dress break away to the blade of what could only be a knife. Why? I want to scream, this is my husbands favorite dress on me! What are you doing. Why can't I scream? Why is it going quiet?

The feeling of a warm hand pulls the front of the black pushup bra my husband bought me for our special night. "Don't you fucking dare, I know he spent a lot of money on this at VS" The fingers grabe the clasp and I feel my breasts, free... Oh the feeling. I love my husband but bras just suck you know? Why the hell he loves those front clasps I'll never understand but thank god I was wearing that for him today. The warm feeling of the palm on my chest. Time seems to stop, I don't hear anything.. Just the palm in between my breasts which is soft and warm. It feels like a feather tickling my face as I feel the fierce thud into my rib cage. One.. The tickling on my cheeks and the release of the pressure on my chest only to be repeated. TWO. God, that really fucking hurts.. but things are becomming more sharp. Again please I scream in my head, please again. THREE the pressure feels like it's going to break me in half. I'm a big girl and this really hurts.. FOUR... This is embarassing.. my tits are hanging out and someone; FIVE, seems to be pressing my chest as if they're trying to break, SIX, me in half. Can you please st, SEVEN.. STOP, PLEASE. EIGHT. NINE. TEN. ELEVEN. I think I've figure this out. TWELVE. I'm choking. THIRTEEN. They're trying to get me to breathe aren't they? FOURTEEN. My chest hurts but something isn't, FIFTEEN, right. I feel something I've dreamed of since my husband first whispered the idea in my head. The lips against mine, I know them. I've never felt them but I know them from my deep desires. That's Andrea, that's her lips. A warm breath fills me. Is she kissing me? I feel her hair on my cheek. "Again, twice for fifteen". "Twice for fifteen?", I ask myself. What does that mean? Her lips contact mine and I feel it deep into my loins, a shiver up my spine as she breathes the air of life into my lungs. I feel the pressure inside of me push the warm hands on my chest up as my body forces me to exhale. "WAKE UP" I'm screaming at the top of my lungs in my head as the sharp shock happens to my chest again with the moniker of numbers. I feel my bra completely under my arm, my torn dress falls off my torso and in a wierd way I'm embarassed. IS my face red? The compressions continue with a loud TWO, THREE, FOUR. I know that voice but I can't place it.

As the compressions hit, the pain is pleasurable as I feel more coherent with every sharp thrust into my sternum. FIVE, SIX, SEVEN. The hands are soft, warm and somehow reassuring. I think to myself, "is this death? Some wierd fantasy and I'm just imagining this? Did I choke on my Calamari.. I remember eating Calamari..." EIGHT, NINE, TEN. Why do I feel like this? ELEVEN, TWELVE, THIRTEEN. Am I alive? Am I.... I feel wet... FOURTEEN. Anticipation. The only thing I feel, the warm lips come close as I hear the word. FIFTEEN.

The lips contact mine. I'm filled with emotions and air as the air is pushed into me. I feel my chest rise with a Thud. The lips pull away as inside I beg, no.. Don't. They come back after my chest decompresses. THUD. What is that thud I'm hearing? The lips breathe more air into me, my chest rises. The sharp pain from the blunt force against my chest as it rises a reminder that no, I'm not dead yet, I refuse. The soft warm lips, the soft hair, her warm touch.. I know this is Andy... THUD... THUD.. It's getting quicker as the air leaves my chest. My senses are so sharp, my fingers tingle.. my .. FINGERS. THUD, THUD, THUD.. "We have a pulse!" I know that voice I say to myself as I feel my chest rise then collapse. The pain is immeasuarable but I think I'm breathing. "She's breathing, it's faint.. Where's the ambulance?!" That's .. That's... My husband?!!?! HELP ME I scream in my head, I'm here! I hear everything as if it's in a tunnel. There is no light, only sound as it echos faintly. I hear the voice of the man I love say it will be fine, "I am here, breathe baby, breathe". I feel my head in his arms, the safety.. I'm not dead yet.. what happened? Everything starts to fade, I'm tired.. I need a nap. "I got you beautiful, I got you". Silence envelopes me.

Suddenly I wake up.. My eyes open! It's bright, everything is white! I scream where am I? I feel a warm touch on my arm as I look over to see the man I love sitting beside me. He's holding my arm in his. He looks miserable, like he hasn't slept in days. "You need to shave, you're prickly" I say as he kisses me. "I thought I lost you, god damnit woman.. you scared me". "I'm here, what happened" I mutter. He tells me the story that we went on a date with a few of our friends from church and ended up in a car accident. "Stupid People". He tells me how there was no injuries just the shock of the incident had laid me out and everyone thought I was dead. They gave me CPR on the side of the road beside my car before the ambulance got there. And I instantly remember... The warm soft touch, the silky hair.. the inviting lips on mine... I smile innocently, "I think I'll take a nap then." as the thoughts roll through my head.

#cpr #resus

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misty-groves · 5 months ago

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Migraine day

*this is all pre-character development and so they are still at their worst rn. This is the start of Tucker showing Josie he isn't the worst towards women. (Eventually I will wrote a cohesive story with them swearsies)

-------

It's months after Josie arrives to bloodgulch that she is fully incapacitated by her chronic illness and pain. The migraine and muscle spasms have her hiding in the dark of her room.

Church has taken pity on her and sent Caboose out with Shiela to do something. The man dosen’t show care well but he understands the pain.

There's banging on her door and she whines into her pillow. "Go away."

"Sweetcheeks! Come on lunch is ready-"

"Fuck off." Josie snaps, harsher than she has been in her whole time here. She can't make herself deal with this shit.

"Woah, you don't gotta be a bitch-"

"I will eat your fucking kidneys, get the fuck away from my door, asshole." Josie growls loudly, trying to keep her breathing even as another muscle spasm starts.

"What's got your panties in a bunch?"

"Tucker leave her the fuck alone." Church snaps as footsteps approach her door. "She feels like shit."

"What is she on the rag?"

"Dude what the fuck?" Church manages, trying to decide how stupid his teammate is.

"You dumb asshole, I'm- God fucking damn it!" Josie breaks off into cursing and whimpers as pain tears violently down her back.

There's silence, and Josie thanks every deity she can conceptualize regardless of knowledge.

"Sorry I asked if you were on the rag..." Tucker says, sounding odd.

"Please fuck off." Josie groans, curling together.

Footsteps recede, and she allows herself to whine again. She can't do this. She can't do it. She dosen’t know how she's going to survive this without her old team.

She's had migraines and muscle spasms since she got here. But she's been able to push through them. Bit this set-

She thinks she might like to try dying again.

"You need to drink more liquids." Omikron chimes as he flickers to life above her.

"Fuck. That. Moving is agony."

"I know."

Josie loses track of time, managing to drink a little liquid. With all the water gone, she has personally resorted to Gatorade she procures from an UNSC contact.

She startles when someone enters her room, the lifht causing a full body flinch and a keen of pain. The door shuts quickly though.

"Hey uh... I brought you a protein shake and uh- some more pillows." Tucker says.

"What?" Josie asks dumbly.

"Look I get it. Chronic pain sucks. Or well- I don't but you know what I mean."

"Oh. Shit- thanks?"

Tucker sets the protein shake on her bedside table and sets segral pillows beside her on the bed. "My sister has migraines... they're a bitch."

"You have a sister and talk to women the way you do?" Josie manages, though her voice pauses a few times.

"You're not the first to think that." Tucker says, "Did you want some pain killers?"

"I couldn't find them."

"I'll get some."

"Does upir sister know you're a raging dough nugget?"

"Marcy hates it." He admits, not bothering to elaborate.

She dosen’t press. But she thinks it bumanzies him a little. He's still a massive asshole, but like- human.

Tucker leaves again. Josie just slumps backwards.

She allows herself to adjust the pillows to better hold her weight. She relishes the comfort Omikron sends through her mind. Her ever loyal friend.

When Tucker comes back he hands her some pain killers. "Here."

"Thank you." Josie manages.

"Yeah well, I'm not a total asshole."

Josie dosen’t know what to say to that. But she swalllws the pills without question.

Josie takes a slow breath, rubbing her temples. She's fine. This is fine.

"Here." Tucker says, setting a cold eye mask on her stomach.

"Where did you get this?"

"Don't worry about it."

Josie wants to argue. But she’s in no position. She groans as yet another muscle spasm down her spine rips through her.

She places the mask on her face and immediately bates the new temperature. But it will help probably. She's willing to try.

"Can- do you want anything else?"

"I don't even know. Thank you though."

"Alright. Uh- call if you need me."

Josie makes a choice. She hates to be alone when she's in pain. And Tucker is right here.

And yes, he is a sexist asshole who calls her weird pet names. Yes, he is derogatory towards women. Yes he is a selfish man.

And yet he came and helped her. More than any one else here has. He hasn't made one sexjoke since he came in.

"Can- can you stay?" Josie asks.

"You sure?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

Tucker snorts at that, "Okay sweetcheeks."

Josie still dosen’t love that name but whatever. She's been called worse.

He sits on the ground beside her bed, running over stories from his life. The longer he talks the less he thinks. He ends up talking about his sister a little, and his nephew.

He talks about Church and the man's bitching mood. He talks about how they ended up drinking ketchup. He talks about captain flowers who he knew for less than two days.

Josie just listens. He's still a coarse asshole, and when he talks about women that aren't his sister he's crass as hell, but he has really opened her eyes.

He's still a major asshole... but like- not a complete utter duchebag.

Josie falls asleep to the sound of him talking. And when she wakes up hours later Tucker is there still, stretched out on the floor asleep.

She frowns as she squints at his form, that can't be comfortable. She's not a huge fan but he just spent hours helping her, so she's not going to just let him sleep on the floor.

So, she calls his name until he wakes up.

"What?" Tucker croaks.

"That dosen’t seem comfortable." Josie says simply.

"Are you offering ypir bed?"

"Not that way for sure."

Tucker just laughs. He has no issue with Josie. He thinks she's funny and bad ass.

#misty's oc #oc x canon #josie beaumont (agent west virginia)#rvb #rvb oc #red vs blue #lavernius tucker #Tucker x oc #Tosie

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vaspider · 1 year ago

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Yeah, maybe don't jump to dismissing what people are saying and diagnosing what we need without knowing our medical issues. It actually isn't my muscles or my bones actually causing the problem - it's my connective tissue!

Y'see, @thebibliosphere and I both have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/what-is-eds/

Joint hypermobility means that a person’s joints have a greater range of motion than is expected or usual. Some people have joint hypermobility that does not cause them pain or other issues. However, some people with joint hypermobility also have joint instability. Joint instability occurs when the bones of a joint aren’t held in place securely. This can lead to joint subluxations, dislocations, sprains, and other injuries. Joint instability can cause both acute and chronic pain and interfere with daily life.

While physiotherapy does help somewhat with EDS, no amount of strengthening my muscles is going to change the fact that the ligaments and tendons that hold those muscles in place are loose. My joints are always going to slip out of place, no matter what I do. I can make it less often, but i can't make it not happen ever. For a lot of us, we find relief not in "cracking and rubbing" but in LITERALLY HAVING SOMEONE PUT OUR BONES BACK WHERE THEY BELONG, because SOMETIMES OUR BONES ARE LITERALLY IN THE WRONG PLACE.

I have been putting off having joint reconstruction surgery on my ankles, which I desperately need because my ligaments and tendons are so loose that my ankles literally collapse inward. It doesn't matter how much I work my muscles, without reconstructive surgery to install synthetic tendons in my ankles and hold them in the right place, every so often I just step down normally and mini-sprain or actually sprain my ankle. Just by walking!

You literally turned to people who said that we have Bones Slip Out Of Place disease when we said "boy I wish there was a discipline which could help us with our bones slipping out of place" and said "your bones aren't out of place, it's the muscles!"

No, dude, it's literally my joints being out of place because I have joint instability on account of my bones being out of place due to having BONES SLIP OUT OF PLACE DISEASE.

I have stretches and exercises I do because I've been in one form of therapy after another since I was literally born, including shit like putting me to sleep as an infant with a bar between my feet to try to hold my legs in the right position and correct my stance. (It did not work, and my mother reports that I Really Hated That Thing and would slam the metal bar against the bars of my crib angrily until I fell asleep.) But sometimes, no matter what I do and no matter how strong my muscles are, my bones are going to slip out of place, because - like about 1 in 3000 people around the world - I have, wait for it, Bones Slip Out Of Place disease!

Sometimes the bones in my wrist slide out of place and I have to grab my arm with my opposite hand and shake it really hard so my wrist will pop and my bones will go back where they belong. Sometimes, my spine will slip out of place - more common in the ten years since i had my Take Out Tumor And Part Of Spine surgery - and stay that way for days, weeks, or months at a time. Sometimes, that causes pinching in the nerves of my neck and back, and that sucks balls. It would be nice if there was a doctor who could help me put those out-of-place bones back where they belong. They are going to keep coming out of place every so often for the rest of my life. Why? Bones Slip Out Of Place disease, for which there is no cure.

So what we were talking about above was our desire to have someone help us with our very specific and very real problem, which will not be fixed by

Yoga (in fact, yoga can be very dangerous)

Diet

Exercise

Physical therapy

Weight loss

Yoga

Whatever essential oil someone likes this week

Physical therapy

Yoga

on account of the whole "our tendons and ligaments are too loose" symptom of Bones Slip Out Of Place disease.

So maybe when we talk about the very specific effects of our Bones Slip Out Of Place disease and what we need, don't leap in and wrongly tell us that what we need is actually Possibly A Helpful Treatment But Not Actually A Solution To Our Problem, because we do actually know what we need.

We live in these bodies. We understand our chronic illnesses. We're good, thanks, without having someone leap in to tell us what we really need.

So anyway - it would be nice if there were a solution other than a chiropractor for putting my neck and back bones back in place when they literally slip out of place on account of Bones Slip Out Of Place disease. :)

Periodic reminder that you should never trust a chiropractor with your body under any circumstances

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yuichi-ro · 3 years ago

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Random late night thought...

Rough pegging Draken when he's with you where he doesn't have to act all big and strong like he does with everyone else

you're late night thot is my mid day fantasy and I fucking love it ♡ cw: fem!Reader, pegging, anal finger, nipple play, size kink (?), praise kink, belly bulge ⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯

big, mean, rough and indominable Draken coming literally undone at the seams when you play with him.

from the way your fingers flutter over his soaked 'n drooling slit when he sits between your legs. To the way those same fingers roll his budding nipples between your thumb and forefinger as Draken melts back into your chest like one big sigh of relief. Overly sensitive for someone who gets into this many fights. You'd think his senses would have dulled over the years but there is something about your touch that sends him reeling.

he cannot and will not be anywhere else but between your legs. That's his safe spot. His haven. Where he unwinds no matter what the day was like. And where you can love every inch of his body without interruption.

hands draped over his chest. Leaning into his wonderfully defined back. Feeling his muscles jump to life each time you touch him. Trailing down to find him oh so needy for you. Teasing him with your lips against his ear that he's just this wet for you. Draken's body so well trained that just one finger is never enough. You could go straight to fucking him with how badly he wants it. But lavishing him in tender prep beforehand is all that much more fun for the both of you.

one finger is simply never enough. Not when he pants and sucks in shaky breathes simply from the way you swirl a single finger inside him. Adding another is like nothing to the man. Before you know it you're knuckles deep in him and Draken's poor legs are trembling and his brows pinched together. It feels so good. But it's just never enough life this. He always needs more.

and such a big guy. Who takes the way you spread his legs while he's on his back with such dignity. Even those cute cheeks of his red as could be there still isn't an ounce of resistance to Draken when you splay his legs and position your toy at his entrance. Cum heavy balls resting against the top of your strap. The sensation of the silicone sending shivers down his spine. And you haven't even touched his cock once. Just watched it drool onto his ads when you press further into him

those abs too. How like they look so beautiful painted in cum sure. But nothing is as wonderful as the sight of them bulging slightly. Belly distended just enough once you reach down to the hilt on your toy. Praising him for taking you so well. Light feathery touches down his stomach until you press your palm firmly against the tip of your strap clearly bulging up in his belly. Causing him to squirm and moan you name with the cutest little twitch to his cock from such a simple thing.

god and does he love the bigger the better. It's no surprise your fingers don't get him off while you resort to rearranging his guts with the thickest toy in the collection. Bonus points if it's ribbed or bulbous at either end. Draken is a particular fan if it's got a fake knot at the end. Something nice and long that he feels it abusing his prostate. Just to have the wonderful surprise of the knot slipping into him.

teasing him that he's soaking your toy like a real good slut. About how easy it is for you to fuck him this hard and with such a big cock. Taking the knot in all as you sweet talk him about his walls milking you like he'll actually get anything from your strap. And how cute it is that his belly bumps up with every thrust. Telling him how one of these days you'll just have to pump him full of cum to watch that belly grow even fuller ♡ ⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯

#sub tokyorev #sub tokyo rev #sub tokyo revengers #tokyorev smut #tokyo rev smut #tokyo revengers smut #tokyorev draken #draken smut #sub draken #draken x reader #ken ryuuguji smut #ken ryuuguji x reader #ryuuguji ken

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kyovtani · 4 years ago

Text

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 – 𝐤𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮 (𝟐)

— pairing: Kyoutani Kentarou x female Reader

— genre: smut, angst, little bit of fluff to keep the balance; tattoo artist!kyoutani, inexperienced!reader, strangers to lovers!AU, SLOW BURN

— word count: 9.6k

— warnings: swearing, mentions of infidelity and violence, as well as the consumption of drugs and alcohol; smut: corruption kink, degradation and dumbification, dacryphilia, praising, spitting, (soft) dom!kyou, oral (m. receiving), fingering, dry humping, unprotected sex (dont do that kids), impreg kink, iwaoi say hi-

— (A/N: and here’s part two! thank you SO much for all the love you sent my way after i published the first part. ngl i was a little nervous bc i thought it was boring and not interesting at all but you guys easily pushed me out of that hole so thank you for everything. i love and appreciate you with my whole heart. all the love, zade xx)

[ part one ]

— summary: after fucking up, you make it your mission to get him back..(im so bad at this pls just- okay.)

"He's not picking up, Hana", you say, another soft cry falling from your lips before you bury your face in your pillow.

“Once in my fucking life a guy treats me good and the way I've always wanted to be treated and I had to fuck it up. Why the fuck am I like this, Hana? Why can I not enjoy one fucking good thing in my fucking mediocre life", the profanities keep coming just like the tears and the amount of frustration and anger rushing through your veins is nowhere near normal anymore.

"Calm down, love", Hana sighs and makes you sit up so she can look into your tear stained face as she tries her best to make sure her words actually find their way to your pain clouded mind, "at this point you shouldn't worry too much because you do know Kyoutani, don't you? He does lose his temper a lot, so give him the time he needs and then you'll show up at his doorstep, suck his cock and make up with him, yeah?", she explains calmly.

"If this hurts you so much, why the fuck did you even say he's just a friend, Y/N? I really don't understand", Hana mumbles and lets out another sigh, her hands caressing yours softly, managing to calm you down a little bit.

“You're right, I should just– give him some time and things will eventually fall into place", you reply after crying a little more and with an encouraging smile your best friend nods at you before she suggests a movie marathon to which you happily agree.

At least something to distract you from all the demons inside your head.

After changing into your pj's and doing your night time routine, you plop down onto the couch next to your bestie again, her eyes focused on the phone in her hand and knowing she's probably either sexting or inviting her new boyfriend has you shrugging at her lack of attention as you start looking for a good movie to begin the night with.

However, just when you're about to read the description of some kind of french rom-com, Hana puts her phone back into her lap and starts staring at you with her pretty eyes widened in shock.

"What's wrong?", you ask and turn to look at her, reaching for her hands but before you even get the chance to touch her, Hana unlocks her phone and holds it up for you to watch someone's instagram story.

The video begins with loud music, a crowd full of young college students whose faces definitely are familiar.

Everyone in the video is dancing, making out, smoking and just chatting in a random living room and every now and then there's someone yelling in the back – a typical college party.

However, just as the video is about to end, the camera shifts to a tall male leaning against the wall, obviously standing really close to the person who's filming and it takes you a full blown thirty seconds to realize who said male is.

Kyoutani Kentarou.

You stare at the phone for another minute, your throat dry and your head empty as a thick veil of tears slowly starts blurring your sight before you finally decide to pay attention to the username.

"He can't be fucking serious", you hiss, fisting the blanket beneath you, the urge to punch something or someone becoming unbearable, "what the fuck is he doing at a random college party with – Sora?"

"Y/N, don't–", "Whose party is that?", you interrupt your best friend, not giving a single fuck about her attempts to calm you down; not anymore. Hana gulps harshly and strictly avoids your gaze as she mumbles a name and you roll your eyes, asking her to speak up with an annoyed sigh.

"It's one of Yuuji’s frat parties", and as soon as your best friend says the name of your ex-boyfriend, a cold shiver of disgust runs down your spine and you can feel yourself getting lightheaded from all the emotions rushing through your overwhelmed body.

"Don't follow me if you're going to stop me from leaving, Hana", you say and stand up before quickly disappearing inside your room.

You have no idea how you manage to get dressed, your outfit consisting of a pair of jeans and a hoodie you can't even remember buying and you don't even wanna think about what your hair and face look like when you end up leaving the house with your keys and your phone.

After driving this route for over two years on an almost daily basis, it takes you less than ten minutes to arrive in front of the huge house your ex-boyfriend lives in.

The memories start finding their way back into your head way too fast, taking away your breath and numbing your whole body because even if you didn’t love Yuuji anymore, the bitter feeling of betrayal still manages to hit you in just the right way.

It takes you a lot of willpower to actually approach the house and eventually get in. And after being in between the crowds of drunk, stinky college students, you remember why you hate college parties so much.

"I – Wow”, a familiar voice manages to break through the loud music, your instant reaction just an annoyed eye roll, “you were the last person I expected to see at one of our frat parties", Yuuji says and comes to stand in front of you.

His blonde hair messily falling into his handsome face and from the way his whole face seems to be covered in the deepest shade of red – including his eyes – you know that he's probably higher than the stars and you can't help but sigh.

"I'm not here to party, Yuuji", you hiss, feeling the anger crawl up your spine again the longer you look at your ex, "my boyfriend is here and I have to talk to him."

"So you and that tattooed guy are actually a thing? Didn't think so since he, you know – showed up with another girl", Terushima mumbles and pulls out a cigarette from his pocket, a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Yuuji", you spit back and roll your eyes, taking in the way the pretty boy arches his brows up in pure shock at your rather new attitude, "go and get high or whatever you do to feel proud of yourself", are the last words you say to him before you walk away, your heart thrumming inside your throat.

Your eyes roam the huge crowd, desperately searching for the only face you wanna look at right now and you try to remember where they were standing in the video Sora had posted only to realize that you can't remember.

After all you only watched the video once, your whole attention laying on Kyoutani. And after almost fifteen minutes, you find yourself slowly giving up.

Maybe this was just not meant to happen or maybe Kyoutani has left already.

He probably left with Sora- something you can’t and won’t ever blame him for.

After all she's literally one of the prettiest and hottest girls you have ever seen – anyone who rejects her would be out of their mind (or not attracted to girls which isn't the case when it comes to Kyoutani).

You give it another ten minutes of desperately looking around before you let out a deep sigh which gets lost in the loudness and thick air of the party before you finally start making your way back to the front door.

You quickly walk back to your car, trying your best to ignore everyone around you, especially all the drunk guys who are currently about to get into a verbal fight over something totally random and the last thing you want to experience those threats becoming reality.

At some point you're scared they might even include you which is probably why you end up literally sprinting and even though you always park so far away from frat houses just because you've heard way too many stories of people getting their cars stolen during parties, but right now you just wished you would have listened to your gut feeling and parked in front of the fraternity like every normal person.

However, to your life long luck, you spot a tall figure standing a little too close to your vehicle just as you’re about to unlock it. You slow down your movements almost instantly upon seeing the stranger, yet your eyes still try to figure out if it's someone you know despite the darkness surrounding the two of you.

He has probably spotted you by now, after all you're still panting like crazy from speed walking down to where your car is and it takes you a full minute to realize how loud you're actually being.

"Y/N", the male suddenly says, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine and even though it could have been everyone, it sounds a tad bit too familiar to your ears which is probably why you end up approaching him slowly.

"It's me, Kyoutani", he adds and at the same moment the words leave his lips, you finally recognize his pretty features which seem extra beautiful underneath the bright moonlight.

And then realization hits you.

"How did you know–", "Hana called me and asked if I could make sure you got home even if I didn't want to talk to you. So, here I am. Get in the car so I can tell her I did my part of the job", he interrupts you quickly, obviously not having the intention to interact with you and the way his usually so tender-filled eyes and calming voice are nothing but ice-cold has a thick veil of tears blurring your sight.

Never ever did you think about the moment, where Kyoutani puts the cold mask on he loved to hide behind when he had first looked at you all those weeks ago.

And the longer he avoids your gaze, the heavier the burden on your chest becomes.

"I'm sorry, Tani", you whisper, your voice breaking at the end, easily giving away how much his cold demeanor has gotten to you.

“Of course you're not just a friend to me and I d-don't know why I introduced you like that, everything happened so quickly and I – panicked. It's not an excuse and does not justify my behavior but I just wanted you to know that you've always been more than just a friend to me", you continue, managing to keep talking upon realizing that Kyoutani won't interrupt you and the way he even listens to you with his eyes looking everywhere but yours is absolutely enough for you.

"What am I to you then, Y/N? Am I the guy you're casually fucking? Your booty call? Am I your second choice? Like what the fuck do you expect me to say? I know we never put a label to – this", he starts pointing at you and then himself, "but you knew I was serious about it, about you. So, I just don't understand why you would even think about considering me a friend. I told you that I am not one for that friends with benefits kinda shit and you agreed yet you did this and now I can't help but be convinced you just used me to get that Yuuji fucker.”

Kyoutani is angry and he doesn't even try to hide it as he spits out those words, the ones he’s probably been dying to say out loud for the past few days and you know he has every right to actually be mad at you, his words still hit you in a way you didn't expect them to.

"I'd never do that to you, Kentarou; I'd never use you like that, please believe me", you say quickly, a little surprised you're even able to form proper sentences.

“You m-mean so much to me and I just don't know how to put it into words. My heart hurt so much when I watched you type your number into Sora's phone but the demons in my head, they just kept talking over my heart and – I'm just really sorry, Kyou, I really am", you sigh and after realizing that he's not going to look at you, you finally manage to shift your gaze away from his pretty face.

"Go home, Y/N. It's been a long day for both of us and I think some more distance will help me get my mind straight", Kyoutani replies after a long, torturous beat of silence lingering in the cold air and even if it wasn’t the reply you had hoped to hear, you're glad he's at least not completely ending it.

"Okay b-but at least let me drive you home?", you ask softly, wiping away the few tears which had managed to escape and when you look up at the beautiful faced male in front of you, his eyes meet you for the first time since what feels like forever and you feel yourself melting away.

"I don't think that's a good idea, pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, the soft pet name sending your mind into the sweetest haze of comfort just like that, "it's only been a few days but I am craving your touch and I just know I'm going to lose it and fuck you against the next best surface if we get into that car together, so I have to decline this offer", he adds and takes another step back, his lips stretching into a tiny smile and you can’t deny how much his words have you gotten you worked up, but you have no choice but to nod.

"Have a good night, baby", Kyoutani sighs and deep down you're hoping for a kiss, after all it's been way too long since you got to feel close to him but instead, he just lifts his hand up and starts waving at you and just as he is about to turn around, you find yourself reaching for his wrist. The fear and despair inside of you making you a little too brave for your personal liking but you know you can't just let him walk away like that.

"Please, Tani- Kyoutani", you whisper and let out a soft sigh of relief when he turns around to face you again, "I won't try anything, I just want to spend a little bit more time with you."

Kyoutani takes a deep breath, his dark eyes roaming your face and wandering down your body and even though it feels like he's literally devouring you alive, you enjoy his burning gazes regardless, a hidden part inside of you even craving them.

A solid minute passes by before he lets out a sigh and gives you a nod, his plump lips pressed into a thin line.

It takes you another deep breath and a couple of seconds to actually calm yourself down from the rollercoaster of emotions you've been through within the time span of an hour and as you sit there in your car, inhaling the cold air of the night, your mind starts replaying everything that went down, starting from the day you met Kyoutani, to your first and most recent kiss, as well as the encounter with Sora and your deep anger towards Yuuji.

The drive to Kyoutani's apartment passes by in a blur, way too fast for your liking and you can't help but pout when you pull up in front of the huge building, knowing very well that this will be the last interaction with the handsome tattoo artist for the upcoming few days and you can already feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

He's been awfully quiet, not like you actually said anything but Kyoutani's silence was intense, boring into your soul and actually suffocating you to a point where the urge to just jump out of the car became overwhelming.

You know he's probably going through everything just like you, yet the feeling that his thoughts are more on the negative side just won't leave you alone and you hate the way your assumptions are being confirmed as soon as Kyoutani turns to look at you.

"I – love you, Y/N", he suddenly says, his voice soft and calm, yet still deep and the way it's filled with tenderness and the sweetest bit of longing makes the effect of those magical words even heavier.

Your lips part in shock, your head having a difficult time actually processing his confession and you can feel your whole body going into a standby mode.

"But you're not good for me."

You remember the way your heart broke into thousands of pieces when you found out the alleged love of your life was cheating on you without even batting an eye.

The pain was so intense and heavy, you didn't know how to deal with it and at some point you were convinced that your heart had stopped beating for a solid minute. It was bad, left you speechless and threw you into a hole of darkness you barely managed to escape from, yet still leaving you grateful for the experience.

You thought your first heartbreak would be able to prepare you for what's to come in the future, but what you went through as soon as those words had fallen past Kyoutani’s lips, can't be compared to anything you've ever felt before.

Your heart starts clenching as his words keep replaying inside of your head and your throat so is going absolutely dry from your desperate attempts to gasp for air as the feeling of being suffocated comes back.

Everything around you seems to disappear, your eyes still focused on Kyoutani's intense gaze as the feeling of emptiness starts filling up your whole body.

You easily lose track of time, your heart beat so slow and heavy and when the wave of reality crashes you yet again, an almost inaudible sob falls past your lips.

"B-But...", you can't get yourself to speak, the words getting stuck in your throat and soft cries the only thing filling the inside of your car.

And yet, there are so many things you want to tell him, so many things rushing through your mind at the highest speed, almost impossible to grasp them and actually put them into proper sentences.

"You have too much control over me. I lost myself trying to fit into the picture of a lover you need and deserve. But – I am not who I used to be anymore”, Kyoutani explains, nervously rubbing the sides of his pierced node with his thumb as he avoids looking in your direction at all costs.

“I am scared of losing what's obviously not mine. You make me feel weak and vulnerable and I just can't deal with it. You've become the center of my world, and I can't control how much it affects me. How much you affect me and – I hate it", he continued, his voice is still incredibly calm, yet a bittersweet tone of fear coating every single one of his words.

"B-But...", yet again, the whole of your vocabulary seems vanished, not one word to say as the knot in your throat tightens even further.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I thought I could do it but – I am not meant to love and you deserve to be loved in the most special way possible”, he takes another quick break, letting out a sigh of exhaustion, “and that's why I'm letting you go. Please, don't hate me. Take care and – goodbye, my love.”

Those are his last words before he presses his lips against your forehead, making your head spin like crazy because of the contrast of his heartbreaking words and his soft kiss.

Kyoutani leaves without saying another word. He doesn't even look back once as he walks away and enters the apartment building, while you can't stop staring at the door with hot tears streaming down your cheeks and loud sobs filling the suffocating air surrounding you.

There you are, yet again.

Your eyes staring into the dark night as your body tries to cope with the intensity of pain you've thought you had overcome.

The constant breaking of your heart starts numbing every part of your body and you slowly start losing yourself in this certain kind of darkness.

Seconds turn into minutes and without even realizing, a whole hour has gone by with you staring into nothing.

Your mind plays games with you as it keeps replaying his words, his behavior, his kiss and the feeling of slowly but certainly going insane as you get out of the car a little too fast.

You tumble back, the sudden coldness hitting you right in the face and the mental as well as physical exhaustion has your body trembling.

And then it hits you.

The wave of anger, wrath, frustration and hatred literally wakes you up, pulls you back into reality and ends up taking over you completely.

Your eyes find the huge apartment building Kyoutani lives in, staring at it as if you could set it on fire and you know what you're about to do is a bad idea but your body acts before your mind can even get the chance to intervene.

And that's how you find yourself almost brutality slamming your fist against Kyoutani's door, your heart hammering against your rib cage way too fast for it to be still physically healthy and ten thousand different thoughts rushing through your chaotic mind.

"What the fuck is going – Y/N", Kyoutani looks at you with his pretty eyes slightly widened in shock, his lips parting as he struggles to keep his eyes on you and a disgusting feeling of shame and embarrassment starts filling you up.

You know this is pathetic, you are aware of how stupid you look standing in front of him like this but you just can't get yourself to actually care about it.

"Y/N, please don't-", "No, I listened to what you had to say and now I'm going to talk and you're going to listen to me. Before that I am not going anywhere because I deserve this", you cut him off, hands balled into fists as you try to stay calm but the more you think about his words in the car, the angrier you get.

"I–", Kyoutani sighs, his eyes nervously roaming your face and upon noticing the way you seem to shiver from the cold and your lack of clothing, he lets his conscience get the best of him, "alright, come in then.”

You follow him inside, the familiar scent of vanilla and Kyoutani's favorite febreeze scent filling your nose and you hate the way how comfortable you are.

After all you've been spending quite some time in this apartment; visiting him after your classes so he could bury his face between your legs and then offer you some homemade food, followed by a good old ghibli movie and lots of cuddles has become some kind of routine.

Oh, how you hate him for ruining all of those memories.

"Do you want something to drink? You're probably freezing", he offers, his voice filled with concern and you know he is right and you'd definitely give everything for a cup of tea and maybe some water, you still shove all of your body’s basic needs into the very back of your head and try to regain your composure.

"I – you – we", you take a deep breath, your mind struggling to put all of those racing thoughts into some kind of order, yet failing miserably.

But there's so much you want to say to him; so many things you want him to hear and now that you are actually standing in front of him, your body betrays you.

"You're a fucking coward, Kyoutani Kentarou", is the first thing you finally manage to let out, "and I hate you for leaving me like this. I fucking hate you.”

Deep down, you hate yourself for saying those words; the choice of words and the incredible heaviness they come with are usually not your way of expressing yourself yet you're not regretting them.

You don't know how this night is going to end, maybe this will be the last time you get to see Kyoutani or he'll eventually fuck you into oblivion and you finally end up together; but nevertheless you want your words to hurt him; you want them to wake him up just like his did to you.

"How dare you confess your love to me and tell me I basically ruined your life in the same breath when you're the one who's fucking all of this – us up. Yes, I’ve made a mistake and I've been regretting my choice of words for the past four days, even came to the point where I accepted your distance and decided to let go because I know how much my words hurt you. But us ending like this? Definitely not going to happen", Kyoutani stares at you with his pretty eyes focusing you attentively, barely blinking, not moving at all; he’s just listening to you.

"I just – don't understand how you can be this oblivious."

"Oblivious? Oblivious to what?", he asks, his voice a little deeper and raspier, sending goosebumps straight dow your spine as if your body needed to remind you the effect he has on you.

"Oblivious to everything. This is what love does to people, Kentarou. Of course you're going to feel weak and vulnerable because of me - because of the one you love. After all the point of being loved and loving someone else is showing those vulnerabilities and weakness to the person you trust the most because you know, or at least you hope, they won't take advantage of it.”

You take a deep breath, your mind slowing down as you ease yourself into his calming embrace and subconsciously losing yourself in the comfort it comes with.

“I'm yours. I've been yours since the very first day and we both know this, that's why you are so scared of losing me. And that's why my words hurt you so much”, you can tell that he’s already processing your words as much as he can; his habit of scratching the back of his head giving him away easily.

"You said you've lost yourself trying to fit into this picture of someone who I deserve but – you are the one who created that picture in the first place. Just because my first boyfriend was an alleged goody two shoes doesn't mean that you have to be like that too. Fuck that", you hiss, the thought of Kyoutani changing even the slightest bit about himself sending jolts of anger through your veins, "I don't care if you dropped out of college or that you have tattoos and piercings and bleach blonde hair. None of that matters to me because it's you, your kind heart and your pure soul I fell in love with.”

And suddenly - you can feel the burden on your shoulders disappear when those certain words leave your lips and the second Kyoutani raises his eyebrows in slight surprise before he locks eyes with you again has another breath of fresh air run through your suffocated lungs.

"Yes, I'm in love with you, Kyoutani Kentarou. Believe it or not, but for me, you're perfect just like this, with all your tiny habits and every single tattoo. There's nothing I'd change about you and I'm genuinely, truly sorry if I ever made you feel like you needed to change for me. You're a great guy and I guess that's why I ran back here after sitting in that car, crying for an hour because I couldn't stop thinking about the way you confessed your love to me”, you feel the thick veil of tears appear before they manage to block your sight, making the pretty face in front of you turn into bourry little pixels as your emotions overwhelm you.

“And yes, you are meant to be loved; maybe not meant to be loved by me but you deserve to be loved, do you hear me?"

You go up to him, closing some of the distance between the two of you before your finger darts out and poke his strong chest, trying to ease the tension after letting go of all those thoughts, "you deserve to love and to be loved because you're a good person. And I just – wanted to thank you for letting me into your life. Meeting you, getting to know the beautiful person you are has been one of the best things that has happened to me and I will cherish these memories forever."

And with those words you take a deep breath, let out another sigh, goving away your acceptance of defeat before you lift your head and prepare yourself to say your last goodbye no matter how painful it is.

"Take care, Kyoutani Kentarou and thank you, for everything", the words fall past your lips in the form of a whisper solely because you're too scared to break if you raised your volume just slightly.

You turn around and feel the first tear find its way down your cheek before you even get to walk away.

And just as you wrap your fingers around the doorknob, the sound of rushed footsteps approaching you makes you halt your movements.

"D-Don't go", Kyoutani suddenly says, his voice breaking when he comes to stand behind you, so close you can actually feel the warmth he's radiating, "I need you...so bad", he whispers into your ear, pressing his forehead against the back of your neck and it's like everything that happened tonight becomes irrelevant.

You turn around, not expecting Kyoutani to push you against the door with his whole body, yet still embracing him as much as you can.

With a soft sob, you start inhaling his unique scent, grazing his soft skin with your fingers and letting the warmth blossom inside of your chest after feeling his rapid heartbeat beneath your palm.

"Don't leave me, please", he cries, the tears running down his flushed cheeks despite his desperate attempts of holding back, "let's do this whole love thing.”

You stand there for what feels like an eternity, just hugging each other, taking in each other's presence and calming down from everything that has happened in such a short time. You finally calm down completely, Kyoutani's soft touches and tiny kisses give you the last bit of energy you needed and for the first time in almost three months, there's not one demon in your head trying to make you overthink something.

Because this feels perfect; there's literally no other word to describe the feeling of holding Kyoutani Kentarou and being held by him.

But nevertheless, you've been on a constant adrenaline rush for the past four hours and the exhaustion has been killing you, making you grow tired a lot faster than usual.

"What about moving this to your room, hm? I'd rather fall asleep with you in your bed than against the door; especially because I know the boys are out and will be coming home soon", you say softly, lifting Kyoutani's head from the crook of your neck and looking at him.

He sighs and gives you a soft kiss, giving you a nod in response before he gets himself to let go of you; his warmth leaving with him and it's almost disgusting how you literally crave his presence.

After Kyoutani makes you drink two glasses of water to avoid the dehydration of your body, he hands you one of his thick hoodies and leaves you to get ready in his bathroom.

You come back to the sight of him sitting against the headboard of his king sized bed, his oversized shirt revealing the perfect amount of collarbones and you enjoy the sight of his pretty skin and the dark lines covering most of it as well as the way his sweats hug his strong thighs in the best way possible.

And as you watch his eyes lazily roam your body, a hot jolt of arousal finds its way through your veins and right to your cunt.

"Don't look at me like that, sweet girl", Kyoutani suddenly groans and cocks his head to the side, his tongue poking out to wet his lips before he gulps harshly; his eyes never once leaving yours.

"B-But Tani...", you reply, approaching him with tiny steps become you come to stand right next to his tall figure, feeling yourself growing needier because of the way your body is craving his touch now more than ever.

“Baby…”, he replies and gulps harshly, knowing your body better than yourself after weeks of getting to know you in a way nobody has ever before.

"Please, Tani...please, fuck me. I need to feel you inside of me. I've been waiting for so long...", you plead, your fingers coming to graze his pretty lips as memories of all the times he had turned you into a crying mess with those lips.

Kyoutani is just as affected by the change in tension as you, the slight bulge in his grey sweatpants as well as the hunger burning in his eyes giving him away.

"You're such a pretty angel girl, aren’t you?", he whispers and sits up, pulling you closer to make you stand in between his legs as he starts caressing your hot cheeks with his fingers.

“Yet you're saying all those naughty things”, Kentarou chuckles deeply, “imagine how people would react if they knew what a cockhungry little slut you actually are", upon hearing those degrading names, your cunt starts clenching around nothing and a high pitched whimper escaped your throat.

"For you...", you whisper, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth the second Kyoutani starts placing open mouthed kisses on your neck.

Your fingers dig into his shoulders, pulling the material of his shirt a little too tightly.

"Of course, baby, you're mine after all and this sweet cunt", the sudden feeling of his palm pressing against the damped fabric of your panties has you gasping for air, "belongs to me, and me only", Kyoutani grunts, pulling the skin of your neck between his lips before he starts sucking gently as well as slowly moving his fingers against the lacey fabric between your legs.

"Yes, it's yours", you reply, after several weeks of being intimate with Kyoutani you've learned one thing and that's how much he loves hearing you say all those dirty and lewd things, "please fuck me."

"Patience, my love, patience. I am going to fuck you", Kentarou replies calmly and suddenly pushes you away, his hands disappearing from your body and when your lid flutter open because of the lack of touch, he shoots you one of his cocky smirks, "but let's not forget the whole friend situation, hm? What about you make it up to me before I fuck you like the little whore you are?"

His words have excitement rush through your blood, your head literally spinning just from the thought of finally getting to be on the giving end after weeks of him playing the selfless lover.

You nod eagerly, anticipation sparkling in your eyes as you watch him palm himself over his sweats before you get on your knees and wait for him to let go of his now fully erect cock.

However, the more seconds pass by like this, the more nervous you become because for some reason you suddenly remember that you've basically never sucked dick before.

Your head shoots up with slight panic written all over your face and of course Kyoutani notices your change in demeanor right away.

"What's wrong, angel?", he asks you and stops the movements of his hands.

"I don't know how to do it, Tani", you whisper, knowing there's no point in being shy about it, after all he happens to be the guy you've experienced your most firsts with.

"It's okay, baby, I'm going to help you”, Kyoutani replies and actually loses his composure for a second, “fuck baby, don't look at me like this when I'm literally about to fuck your throat", he hisses, throwing his head back as he grunts and his hips desperately bucking into the air.

Kyoutani takes another deep breath before he finally pushes his hand underneath the waistband of his sweats and with your eyes focused on his movements, you watch him pull out his hard length, a soft hiss falling past his plump lips when the coldness of the room grazes the slightly wet tip of his cock.

You gulp harshly, his impressive size in girth as well as length has your pussy throbbing like crazy, yet you can't help but wonder how the hell he's going to fit inside of you.

“Don't worry, baby, I know you're going to take all of my cock like the good girl you are", Kyoutani says after observing your facial expressions for some time.

"Give me your hand", he asks you softly, his voice still raspy and incredibly hoarse yet still soothing and you appreciate his attempts to calm himself down so you won't feel too nervous. With your heart slamming against your rib cage, you lift your hand up and are slightly overwhelmed at the sudden feeling of Kyoutani's warm spit pooling inside your palm. Without adding anything, he straightens himself and motions you to stroke his hard cock.

Not once do you stop looking at him as you wrap your fingers around the base of his impressive length and slowly start jerking him off.

Kyoutani cocks his head to the side, his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth and his eyes constantly fluttering close.

"Start with the tip, angel- just wrap your lips around it and start sucking, but be careful with your teeth, yeah baby?", he grunts, his hips thrusting into your fist every time the pace of your strokes slows down.

You give him yet another nod before look up at him one more time and do as he says.

The feeling of his cock between your lips is – different.

It feels like it's not supposed to be there, yet the salty taste of his precum coating your tongue has you sighing softly. Your tongue darts out, giving his tip a tiny kitten lick before you go back to sucking on it eagerly.

And while you seem to enjoy it a lot, Kyoutani is going absolutely crazy. You can see the way he's tensing his body as his grip in the bed sheets tightens and the vein on his neck pops out.

"F-Fuck, baby, just like that", he praises you "now try to take more of it in a-and use your hand for the rest", Kyoutani's voice is shaky, his eyes are nervously roaming your swollen lips and the string of spit connecting them to the tip of his cock.

Without giving it another thought, you take a deep breath and take more of him, trying your best to not graze his sensitive cock with your teeth and despite your initial struggle, you still enjoy the feeling of his cock on your tongue.

You subconsciously wrap your fingers around the part of his cock which you can't fit inside your mouth and suddenly it's like your body knows exactly what to do.

Kyoutani's moans grow louder and the soft thrusts of his hips become a little less controlled. You look up at him every now and then, trying your best to keep the steady rhythm as you bop your head.

And then he suddenly thrusts his length all the way to the back of your throat, your gag reflex just about to go off when he pulls back which is the moment you take notice of the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You give him a soft smile before going back to wrapping your lips around his tip, but you don't get very far.

Kyoutani pulls you back, his grip on the back of your neck not firm enough to hurt you.

"I promise I'm going to fuck your throat properly and even cum in your mouth the next time we do this but right now I just can't stop thinking about that tight cunt of yours", he says, helping you get up and almost instantly pulling you onto his lap; his wet cock rubbing against your panty covered core as Kyoutani pulls you in for a kiss.

It's sloppy and rushed, the way his tongue grazes over yours before he pulls it between his lips and starts sucking at it. Your hips start moving against his cock, your sensitive pussy craving some kind of friction as the arousal has your head spinning like crazy.

You start moaning and whimpering into his mouth when Kyoutani’s hips start meeting your desperate movements, applying the perfect amount of pressure onto your needy clit.

You feel the knot in the pit of your stomach tightening, the clenching of your cunt becoming worse the more you hump Kyoutani's cock like a woman starved.

But nothing prepares you for the feeling of one of his large digits entering you. Your hole start clenching around his finger Kyoutani pushes another one in, both digits buried inside of your little cunt.

"Such a good girl for me, aren't you, baby? I'm going to finger you nice and slow so you're ready for my cock. Now come on, my love; show me what a good whore you are and ride my fingers", Kyoutani encourages you, his hot breath fanning against the sensitive skin behind your ear and without missing a beat, your hips meet the skillful thrusts of his fingers.

Kyoutani continues to whisper naughty things into your ear, his other hand eventually wrapping around your throat as he makes sure you look into his eyes when you stumble over the edge.

Your high hits you hard and fast, the intensity knocking the breath out of your lungs and leaving you gasping for it; something you should be used to by now yet still can't believe is even possible.

He pushes you off of his lap softly, helps you get rid of his shirt as well as your ruined panties before he makes you lay down in the middle of his bed; eyes locking with yours when he also starts undressing.

"My pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, his hand caressing the soft skin of your thighs, spanking you every now and then just because he's absolutely obsessed with the way your whole body tenses whenever his hand meets your skin.

“Look at me", he orders and almost instantly your head shoots up to meet his gaze, the sight of his naked body distracting you a lot more than you expected but after all this is the first time you get to see the rest of his tattoos; the ones you usually only get a tiny glimpse of depending on his outfit choice.

Kyoutani spreads your legs apart, his eyes never leaving yours even when he starts jerking off again and you can't hold back the soft whimpers and begs leaving your lips.

But also something about his flushed cheeks and swollen lips as well as his messy hair falling into his face has you incredibly turned on.

"We've never talked about this before but are you on the pill, baby?", he asks, pushing one of his thumbs into his mouth before he brings it down to your clit and starts rubbing soft circles into it, making you arch your back off of the mattress as you bury your face in the pillow to keep your noises down.

"N-No", you whisper, a deep sigh coming from Kyoutani and even though you know you shouldn’t do it, you stop him from bending over to the drawer of his nightstand, making him look at you in confusion.

“But I still want you to raw me, please...", you add and gulp harshly when his whole body seems to go into some kind of haze once the words leaveyour lips.

Kyoutani looks at you, his eyes darkening even more as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and lets out a loud moan of your name.

"I can't just raw you, baby", he presses through gritted teeth, his mask slowly falling apart the more you rub yourself against his cock, "you've never had sex without a condom and my pull out game is weak, even weaker when it comes to you because fuck – the thought of filling you up with my cum sounds so fucking good", Kyou groans when you scoot up a little, taking his length into your hand before you line him up with your entrance.

"B-But what if you get pregnant, sweet girl?", he sighs and tries to pull away, making you wrap your arms around his neck as you look into his pretty eyes.

"That will just show everyone around us how well you've fucked me", you whisper and elicit another deep moan from him, his whole body shaking slightly as he tries to hold himself back from just pounding into you.

"Such a cockhungry whore", he hisses and – finally – starts pushing his fat cock into your tiny cunt, the slight stretch making you both gasp for air.

“If that's what you want, then that’s what you get, you little slut. I'm going to fucking raw you and fill you up with all of my cum, make you my cumslut", Kyoutani grunts, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth before he harshly grabs your face and looks into your eyes as he buries more of himself inside of you.

"F-Fuck, you're big", you whimper, throwing your head back and trying your very best to stop clenching around his cock.

“We're almost there, baby- you got this, s-stop clenching", Kyoutani grunts against your parted lips. Without a warning, Kyoutani pushes the rest of his huge cock inside of you, bottoming out completely.

“F-Fuck...you’re so– tight”, Kentarou grunts, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, “it’s like you’ve never been fucked before.”

“S-So good...so fucking good, nngh-”, your little whimpers and whines are slurred, barely coherent as the feeling of being filled to the brim pushes you into a haze of pleasure.

You feel the pulsation of his cock against your spongy walls, his hands nervously roaming your body and groping one of your tits, as he obviously tries to calm himself down.

And then he finally starts moving.

A deep, guttural moan leaves the both of you when he pulls himself out of your tight hole, dragging his huge cock along the walls of your little cunt in the most delicious way possible before he almost brutally shoves himself back in again.

“Mhm, just like that, you little brat”, he grunts, sitting up on his knees as he pushes your legs further apart, his eyes focusing the way his fat cock stretches your hole just how he’s been imagining it all this time, “coming up to me and talking about having your little cunt rawed like some cumhungry little whore.”

You start nodding almost instantly at his words, your brain barely recognizing them, the only thing you can focus on being the way the tip of his cock grazes the entrance to your womb with every harsh, brutal thrust of his hips.

His thrusts find a steady rhythm, hard and so, so deep.

“Open your mouth”, Kyoutani grunts, a single drop of sweat finding its way down the center of his tattooed chest, the sight making you whimper and whine for him even louder as you part your lips as soon as you process his words.

“You know what? I’d rather have you say it”, he suddenly hisses, pulling his cock out of your spasming cunt before he presses your legs together and shoves himself back inside of you with one skilled thrust of his hips.

You have no idea at what point you start crying but by the time Kyoutani's moans and grunts start picking up their pace, you're a sobbing mess.

“S-Say wh-what?”, you sob, hiding your tear and spit stained face behind your hands, not daring to look up at him.

“I want you to ask for my spit and beg for my cum”, Kentarou’s voice grows raspier, the dominance seething through every single one of his words makes it so easy for you to fall even further into the hole of absolute submission, “and stop hiding yourself, angel girl..I wanna watch the way I’m fucking your brains out.”

A row of loud, high pitched whines and a combination of sobs and moans are the only thing you manage to respond with, your brain clouded with the feeling of his thick cock dragging along the spongy walls of your cunt.

And before you can even comprehend his next movement, you hear the loud sound of skin meeting skin followed by the delicious feeling of a sting sending jolts of pain through your body, something you’ve come to love after so many hours with the tattoo artist.

“I told you to ask and beg for it, angel girl..you’re making me wait”, Kentarou spits, never once halting the movements of his hips as he watches the way you start sobbing even more, your cunt spasming around his cock after his painful spank.

“Please...f-fuck, please spit in my mouth and my face and on my cunt- want it all”, you start brabbling, another row of incohrent begs following right afterwars as your hips sloppily meet his harsh thrusts, “I want you to stuff me full of your cum, too- please, Daddy, wanna be your little c-cumdumpster.”

“There you go..”, Kyoutani’s plump lips stretch into a big smile as his cock throbs at the sound of that one forbidden little word he’s come to love even more after hearing it from you only a handful of times.

He didn’t hesitate to tell you about how much it turns him on around two weeks after the two fo you had started dating and even though he never really expected you to use it, he was secretely hoping for you to overcome your shyness.

You had used it only twice before when the pleasure had gotten too much for your brain to handle and Kyoutani knew you’d stop holding yourself back as soon as you got a taste of his cock.

“What did you just call me, pretty girl?”, he cooes, giggling softly at the way you whimper and cry even harder, knowing oh so well what he wants to hear.

And for the first time you just can’t get yourself to argue with the little voice in the back of your head; the feeling of his cock stretching your tiny cunt making it so, so easy to just let go of all those doubts and worries.

“Please, Daddy”, you reply and look into his eyes, groping your own tits as you arch your back to feel him even deeper inside of you, “n-need your cum inside of me...please- want everyone to know who I belong to.”

You don’t really expect it, yet your pussy almost instantly start clenching around his cock when kyoutani harshly grabs your face, making you part your lips before he spits into your mouth.

The loud, lewd sound of it rings in your ears in the best way possible and acting like a literal aphrodisiac in combination with the delicious taste of his saliva coating the hot muscle of your tongue.

You hum softly before you swallow it all, a gentle sob escaing your lips before you look up at him again.

"Now go on, angel girl”, he growls, pushing his hand in between your legs to rub circles into your hardened clit, “I want you to cum for me. Be a good little dumpster for your Daddy and show me what only I can do to you.”

You can barely process his words, the lewdness just fueling the fire in the pit of your stomach as you lose yourself in the feeling of your upcoming high. But you still start nodding, cringing at the feeling your saliva dripping down your jawline.

And with one last thrust, you feel your high crashing down onto you with such heaviness, you're left absolutely breathless.

Your whole body is trembling as the waves of your orgasm hit you, a row of incoherent words leaving your lips before you stop trying and just start crying for your precious Daddy.

"That's my baby”, is the first thing your brain manages to process again, everything still a blurry mess and when you look at Kyou, you realize you’re still cumming.

Your cunt is almost painfully spasming around his big cock, your juices dripping down the sides of his length as he helps you ride out your orgasm.

“You’re such a good, good girl for Daddy, aren’t you? I'm so proud of you", Kyoutani praises you, his thrust a little sloppier than before and from the way he's digging his fingers into the skin of your waist, you can only assume that he's also quiet close, "you're also going to take all of Daddy’s cum, right, baby? We gotta make sure I fill you up nicely..."

You take a deep breath, your slightly overstimulated cunt sending shivers down your spine as your eyes focus on Kyoutani's parted lips.

"Please, Daddy...need you to fill me up with your cum", you encourage him and when you slowly push two of your fingers into his mouth, knowing how much he loves to suck on them no matter what situation you’re both in, you finally get to see his whole face crunch up in pleasure.

His body tenses up as his grip on your waist becomes firmer before he starts cumming inside of you with a deep, raspy moan; coating the walls in several shades of white with three thick spurts of his cum.

Kyoutani buries his face in the crook of your neck as he slowly calms down, loud breathing and rushed gasps for air the only thing to fill the inside of his empty room.

"I love you so much", he whispers and gives you a soft kiss, his cock still firmly buried inside of your sensitive cunt before he shoots you a soft smile; looking almost boyish with his glossy eyes and flushed cheeks.

"I love you, too, D-Daddy”, you whisper, gulping harshly as the words leave your lips, feeling yourself grow even smaller underneath his strong yet comforting gaze, “thank you for giving us a chance", you add and pull him into for another kiss.

"Kyoutani Kentarou, your favorite group of walking disappointments is back and better than ev - oh", Iwaizumi Hajime, Kyoutani's High School best friend, fellow tattoo aritst and roommate suddenly yells and almost brutally slams open the door, startling you to the last bone in your body.

Kyoutani is quick to cover you up with his body, his hand reaching for one of the blankets on the floor as he grunts in annoyance.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know–", "What is it, Iwa-Chan? Is he jerking off again? Kyoutani Kentarou you little piece of shit, just go and fuck that–", just like Iwaizumi, Oikawa – who also happens to be his best friend, felow tattoo artist and roommate – comes to stand in the doorway, bumping into his best friend before he finally spots the two of you.

"You're naked", he points out, closing his eyes almost instantly after realizing what he has just come to witness and despite the disgusting feeling of wanting to disappear and never come back again, you can't help but giggle at their shocked and slightly disgusted faces.

Kyoutani takes a deep breath and pulls out of you, still making sure to hide you behind his body before he hands you the blanket and lets his eyes shift to the door, looking at his best friends in pure disbelief.

"Kawa stop fucking staring and – can you two please fuck off?", he yells, pulling the boys back to reality and the way both of them shift to look at you only to blush from their necks to their ears has you chuckling softly.

This type of situation is nothing you’re not used to – unfortunately.

"Uhm – of course! Oh, my fucking God! So sorry, Kyou", Iwaizumi stutters and wraps his fingers around the doorknob, avoiding your eyes as much as he can before he pushes Oikawa away and then closes the door with another row of apologies.

Kyoutani just looks at you apologetically as he shakes his head and face palms himself, making the both of you burst into loud laughter.

And after taking a shower together and actually eating some late dinner with the boys, you fall asleep with Kyoutani's arms tightly wrapped around your waist, his face buried inside the crook of your neck and one last love confession.

And when those sweet words fall past his lips yet again, you realize – you're finally home.

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