#for more analysis things. i want to do comprehensive posts on both Plant Powers and also Locations

[orcelito]

Made it to Indy ✌

Might try to work on compiling some information

[stellocchia]

This is part 2 of the comprehensive analysis of c!Tommy and c!Dream’s relationship during the Exile Arc

Part 1

So, initially I was thinking of making only one post with only the important quotes from this streams but... yeah, not saying what I think about stuff is not in my blood. So now I’m stuck with this and I’m determined to finish it!

Once again, it’s all about the characters from here on out and I will be mentioning serious themes of abuse and gaslighting, so keep that in mind.

We’re starting this one off with the second proper exile stream: Tommy Is Getting So Much Worse in Exile...

Mushroom Henry is introduced at the beginning of this vod. Initially Tommy doesn’t like him, believing him to be a poor replacement of the real Henry. He then goes towards Tnret and finds it compromised as Lazarbeam had planted some tnt under it the day before during a visit with Vikstar and Technoblade (now, how much of that visit was canon? No one knows! But the tnt part definitely was). Also to be noted that Tommy already stopped fighting back against mobs, which is already rather worrying. 

Anyway, this is the stream where Tommy makes an enderchest with Fundy and Ranboo, so I will only write down some of the most notable quotes, and keep it rather brief. It is to be noted that Tommy’s depression at this point had already gotten worse as in the Nether time and time again he avoids doing the haybell mlg instead taking the full fall damage, he defends himself less and he’s already expressing feelings of loneliness. Also, he is now on the first stage of the exile skin set.

“Because if we can’t stay motivated then- then we won’t have anything to do (...) we’re gonna work out how to Keep Doing Things and not... sit around crying” (he has the need to keep busy to stave off loneliness)

“Now everyone, if you should know, we’re gonna go bach and reclaim everything at some point and kill Dream” (talking to chat)

“Music! It’s like a person but they’re not here!” (about Chirp)

“This is like, you know when you fall over? Or you know- or you know when one of your pets die? At school? And then all of a sudden you’re at school and you’re upset and all the people who are usually assholes to you start being nice all of a sudden. This is that!” 

This was quite interesting, so I want to talk about it briefly: but this is Tommy’s general mentality. He sees anyone trying to help him or giving him things as just pity from people who don’t actually care nor necessarily even like him. Basically, he feels betrayed and alone and doesn’t actually think that any of this people could possibly care. This however doesn’t seem like a mentality that’s born from exile (since he’s had it since the very beginning of exile) and we don’t actually know where it generated from. Though it could possibly be from the fact that he always had to be very independent since he had to fight in quite a few wars and even take the leading position in the Pogtopia times.

Other note: this is when Ranboo starts leaving letters for Tommy (You can find Tommy and Ranboo's mail exchanges here). At the beginning the chest they used to exchange them was situated on the Nether side of the original portal, which was a ruined portal a bit further away from Tommy’s camp. Also Tommy dies in lava (not canonically) a ton of times in this one and Fundy every times gives him some of his stuff to pretend like nothing got burned (which was kinda adorable).

“Fundy why didn’t you come with me when I got exiled? I was meaning to ask you. ‘Cause no-one came with me” “No-one came with you because it was- *sigh* Tommy I don’t know! It was- it was a shock to all of us” “You could have came with- yeah, but you just let me go. You just let go on me Fundy” “And- and just leave L’Manburg to Tubbo himself? Like all alone?” “No he would have had like literally everyone else on this server” “Like who?” (I just found this exchange interesting)

“I don’t think you’ll like it but Dream is uh, kind of proud of Tubbo. He- he’s actually acknowledging L’Manburg as a new country now” (and this is what the other side of the manipulation looked like from the outside)

“Wait wait! I could talk to the narrator! Then I’d finally have a friend!” (proceeds to start talking to the narrator)

“No no no. No no no Ranboo. Stop- stop complaining. Stop being weird Ranboo. You should be honoured to have a friend that’s close enough that he shoots you” “I don’t think that’s a ‘friend’, I think that’s just an assassin” (Ranboo with the common sense)

“This is where I used to live and then Dream tore it down” “Why did Dream tear it down?” “*sigh* I don’t know”

"Look guys: this is the song of a female astronaut named Clara” (about Chirp)

The vod ends with Tommy and Ghostbur’s attempt at saving Lazarbeam from lava and Ghostbur gifting Tommy the “Your Tubbo” compass.

Moving on: Tommy Is So Lonely in Exile with Dream

This is actually the first stream where Tommy starts off drowning (and he actually dies, yet again, non canonically). Also Puffy gifts him some blue wool, 3 diamonds and his own Christmas tree, specifying that it’s not out of pity so he actually accepts the present. 

“We’ve got some things to do. I’m still feeling um... I’m not feeling I AM very very very alone. Just- just so- just lonely all of the time... which isn’t, you know? Isn’t okay. I don’t know why I was at the bottom of the ocean just holding a bone”

Now, a bit to unpack here. In real time by now it had been 3-4 days technically, but in rp it has been specified already multiple times that it had been quite a few days since Tommy got exiled and we don’t really have any reason to believe that he received any more visits then what we’ve seen. Which probably increased his loneliness. Also we don’t have an actual explaination for him waking up drowning, my best guess for it is a mix of him being suicidal and general depression making it hard to get any proper rest (which we know was the case for him since he did mention at one point that he “didn’t sleep anymore”) which could have caused him to start sleepwalking since both “not getting enough sleep” and “stress and anxiety” are listed as causes of it. Now the actual subconcious reason as to why he was going in the sea and letting himself drown is unknown but, again, he was suicidal while in exile.

Also “How to Sex 2″ got burned by Ghostbur, not volountarily of course, he just had it on him when he died in lava. 

“I’m too lonely to be angry now, alright? We got to appreciate all the friends that we can get” (about Lazarbeam bringing him a present)

“The compass is nice though! We’ve got a compass that always will point to Tubbo... not that- not that he’d care” (beginning of the doubts about his old friends)

“Tubbo has one too? [referring to the compass] Oh he’ll just- if he’s got one he’s just using it for show... he’s- I’ve accepted that he’s the president now and I’m just- I’m just that guy he had to exile to show how powerful he was” (again, doubts)

Also Tommy makes his first path to Logstedshire in this stream. He also takes a liking to Mushroom Henry here after figuring out he could produce mushroom soup, meaning he actually had a sustainable source of food instead of having to relay mostly on handouts. 

“Guys we need some more coal” *Dream joins the game* “...ooooooh no please don’t come and visit me. Please please please” (I’m leaving this here, I believe this reaction speaks for itself)

“Hey! I’m- I’m above right now by the pretty Christmas tree that there is here” “Why are you here?” “I’m visiting you!” “Last time you said that you ruined me” “I- How did I ruin you?” “*sigh* Hi Dream!” “Hello~” “What have you- what” “Where are you at?” “I’m just com- why are you here? Every time you’ve been here you’ve done something destructive” “I- I what- I haven’t done anything destructive... everything’s been fine! I haven’t destroyed anything”

At the time there were a lot of people who were hesitant at calling Dream’s manipulation “gaslighting”, as that is a precise type of manipulation, but this right here? This is an example of gaslighting. Dream destroyed everything Tommy had every time he visited him and they both know this, still what Dream is trying to do here is convince Tommy that that never happened to keep up his friendly facade. Just because he isn’t saying directly “you can’t trust what you remember” doesn’t mean that that’s not exactly what he is implying. To reiterate this point they meet up right after and Dream, once again, blows up Tommy’s armour and diamond sword: 

“Hello~ take your armour off” “Why should I take my armour off?” “Um, drop it down here” “No, no! I worked really hard to get this. No!” “Okay... you can get it again!” “No! See this is what I told you about, that you’re destructive to me” “Tommy I’m not destructive... but, listen, you gotta drop it” (...) “No, no! I’m a rebellious teenager. I don’t listen to green punks” *Dream hits Tommy with an axe* “*screams* Okay okay okay okay okay”

Again, Dream hitting Tommy in this case is portrayed as physical abuse. And then Dream goes back to acting as if nothing ever happened, going on to talk about his day, telling Tommy that he knows about the 2 compasses and telling him that Tubbo went over while Tommy wasn’t there and that he is free to visit Tommy, he just hasn’t done it yet (all of this are actually true, but the implication that Tubbo didn’t want to see Tommy obviously isn’t). 

“Dream, I think I’ve realized why no-one’s came to see me” “Why’s that?” “It’s because- it’s because there is not an easy way to get to me and I’m gonna make an easy way to get to me today” “I mean, if you boat here, it took me 2 minutes” “No no-one wants to use the boat, it’s too far- it’s too far for people” “Oh you know what Tommy? I’ll do you a favour”

This is when Dream moves Tommy’s portal. Now, one thing that I want to point out is that Dream had already intercepted Ranboo’s and Tommy’s first mail book (we know this because in Ranboo’s message at the beginning of this stream he said that the first one disappeared) so he probably knew that Ranboo was using the secrecy of the further away portal to communicate with Tommy undetected. Of course Dream can’t have that, though he probably didn’t account for Ranboo not giving up that easily.

“Well it’s very awkward considering you exiled me and- and have banished me from being around all of my friends and now are trying to side with me it’s kinda-” “Tommy what’d you mean from all your friends? I’m your friend!” “Yeah... yeah you are” “I am your friend Tommy~” “Yeah I- Yeeeeeah, Dream” (just to clarify: Tommy is not agreeing with Dream here, he is being sarcastic. Also Dream starts harping a bit more on this point from here on out)

“Oh I just witnessed another suicide...” (second time this happens, the first was in the last vod, and he stays staring at the lava for a moment)

Tommy once again trying to push Dream into lava (again similarly to how he did in the first proper exile stream) and Dream just goes along with it (mostly just to flex about how that can’t actually kill him). I consider this couple of times as the first times Tommy started lashing out in exile. 

“Health and safety is important Dream! *staring at lava* Is it though?” “Yes, yes it’s important Tommy. It’s not your time to die”

“And then you’re coming over here giving me shit and also burning my shit. You’re just- you’re just a monster” “I didn’t burn any of your shit” “You blew it up! You exploded it! Man you’re ruining my life...” “I blew it up, I didn’t burn it though” (because that makes all the difference of course...)

“Hey man I could jump and you’d be able to do nothing about it and I’d- I’d be done-zo” “I- I ask you please not to” “Okay” “I need you alive and well”

Now I found this interesting when first watching as well, but Dream really did spell it out for us that he actually needed Tommy, huh? Like, in retrospect, what Dream then intended to do in the Season 2 Finale seemed kind of obvious. Also after that They have a discussion about the enderchest, but Tommy gets to keep it. Also Ranboo appears at the portal, though Dream doesn’t manage to see who it is and Ranboo manages to escape before he sees (thanks in part to Tommy distracting Dream). Now I want to point out that, even if outwardly people had the permission to visit Tommy, the fact that everyone was so scared about Dream finding out about it talks volume about how clear that was. Also this is when Dream gives Tommy the general direction of Technoblade’s cabin.

“Look at us go... hey why don’t you just un-exile me, you know? You know?” “*laughs* Well I think that I- I- I think that maybe there is a possibility at least in the- in the future that you could- you could- you know? Get a visitor’s pass...” (notice that he only confirmed a possibility for a visitor’s pass, not for actually going back, Dream literally never meant for Tommy to go back permanently)

Lazarbeam arrives to visit Tommy at this point to gift him Far and a fire resistence potion.

“See I told you! It was because I didn’t have a bridge that nobody was coming to visit me Dream! It wasn’t because it was me” “Yeah it must be...”

“Hey Dream come and listen to this man! [talking about Far]” “I-I’m-” “Hey, promise you won’t- If I get a new disc you wouldn’t mind would you?” “No I wouldn’t” “Okay, come and listen. I trust you now, now we’ve bonded” (Is this the second time Tommy invites Dream to listen to a disc with him?)

At this point Dream pressures Lazarbeam to mug Tommy with him and the whole scene is just pretty weird, but it boils down to Dream blowing Tommy’s armour up (again), while also hitting him a bit more when he doesn’t immediately comply (basically making this humiliating and making Tommy understand that he is not any safer with someone else there). Though Tommy does end up lashing out and killing Lazarbeam (not canonically) and Dream destroys his enderchest in retaliation. After that Tommy does become more submissive, not wanting to get killed. Now I want to point out that that same day Dream had agreed that Tommy could keep his enderchest without any conditions to it, but, of course, Dream’s rules are constantly changing. Dream does leave after that for a bit.

“I put your enderchest back by the way Tommy” “Really?” “Yeah. I just wanted to prevent you from putting his armour in there so... that’s why I broke it” “Thank you! Thank you” “You’re welcome” 

Wanna know why this is bullshit? Tommy didn’t even try to go towards the enderchest when he had Lazarbeam’s armour and immediately gave it up at Dream’s request. This is just Dream giving Tommy a “reward” for being compliant after punishing him. Also pointing out the fact that Tommy felt compelled to thank Dream even if Dream was the one who caused the issue he just fixed in the first place. Also Connor arrives as well.

“Yeah you can’t move into my home Connor” “Well I mean, of course he can because it’s not your home because you’re not going back” “What do you mean I’m not going back?” “Well as I said maybe potentially you could get a visitors pass” (reiterating a point from the start)

“Tubbo- Tubbo said that! Tubbo said it [the server] looked so much better since Tommy left. And I was like ‘wait what?’ and he’s like: ‘yeah it could be a coincidence though but I don’t think so'” (you manipulative green bastard)

“I don’t know if you know this but I’ve been constructing a- a uh- a prison and it is ginormous so...” (I did not remember Dream mentioning the prison this early on)

Anyway, the stream ends with Dream stripping for primes and since I need it, I decided that that’s canon.

[superkickingit]

Kelsi Likes Seinfeld

Go to the bottom of this post to see all of my Seinfeld recommendations including books, merch, articles, and more!

There was an echo issue with my audio in the segments while I am on camera. I am working to fix the issue if there is any way to, but until then here is the video if anyone still wants to see it:

Recently, I decided to start a weekly show called “Kelsi Likes.” The title is an anagram! Each episode is about a different topic with only one thing in common…that I LIKE it!

I’ll be doing episodes on wrestling, cartoons, my favorite movies, horror, my love of Halloween, tv shows, characters, my love for the 90s and so much more!

But this episode is about one of the most iconic television shows of the 90s...

Seinfeld, “the show about nothing,” that was actually about everything and anything!

Even if Seinfeld wasn’t your favorite show in the nineties or if you never cared to watch it at all, no one can deny that it has had a huge impact on the current social and television landscape. Seinfeld played a huge role in television history, in academic television analysis and in society itself by becoming a massively influential, cultural phenomenon.

In college, I wrote a paper titled “The Evolution of the Television Industry in the 1990s.” Seinfeld was one of the specific shows I analyzed and wrote about to prove my thesis: “television of the nineties was revolutionary and stands out from previous decades.”

Here are a few excerpts from the paper:

Hailed as “the best sitcom of all time” is NBC’s Seinfeld, which first aired in 1989 and ended in 1998. The show follows Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer as they go through everyday life making fun of and analyzing everything and anything. Famously described as “a show about nothing,” Seinfeld’s striking appeal is the wonderful comedy writing and revolutionary idea of having a show that revolves around quirky, but regular, people and their daily encounters. TV Guide describes the show this way:

As put forth by the series itself, Seinfeld was a comedy about nothing.But in reality it was about the very worthy subject of modern manners-waiting interminably for a table at a Chinese restaurant, for instance...and it addressed these issues with all the acute observation and satirical brilliance of a Restoration comedy. It’s just that the manners of Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer were often atrocious. (Lasswell, 235)

Nothing overly monumental happens to the main characters, but it’s the writing, the acting, and the premise of “nothing” that made this sitcom stand out above all others. It’s original. Even today, over twenty years after the show has ended, it’s still widely considered “the best” sitcom of all time. 

This show can be said to have single handedly defined nineties television and the uniqueness of the era. Entertainment Weekly describes Seinfeld as

...that brilliantly self-reflective series about a stand-up comic and his three pals, [and it] went on to become the defining sitcom for the ‘90s. In its eight years on the air, Seinfeld changed the tone of TV, our Thursday-night plants, the way we talk. It spawned enough imitators to fill Yankee Stadium, boosted sales of Jujyfruits and Binaca, and even made medical history--a journal reported that a Massachusetts fan laughed so hard, he kept fainting. It made a mint for NBC--and not a junior one either. (Gwinn, 11)

Always challenging TV “Political Correctness,” Seinfeld addressed countless topics that had never been discussed on television before.

Over the years, the quartet broke tube taboo after taboo, mocking deaf people, cancer, football-shaped goiters, and mental retardation. Even masturbation and oral sex slipped onto the airwaves, thinly disguised with masterful euphemisms. Not exactly safe, family, Tony Danza-type television. But it was precisely Seinfeld’s shocking deviations from formula that separated it from the sea of tapioca. The show gave us a peek at our Jungian dark shadow. It let nothing--not feelings, not death--get in the way of a punchline. (Gwinn, 11)

Overall, Seinfeld was a step in the opposite direction of the regular family-friendly sitcoms such as The Cosby Show and Happy Days that had aired in previous decades. This, however, is exactly why Seinfeld was able to flourish and succeed. In effect, the 90s television audience was left with a new type of comedy that has not since, one could argue, been matched in quality and content. 

I also asked some friends and family what Seinfeld meant to them. 

My friend Trace (who has a UCF podcast: @UCF_Knightline) described Seinfeld like this:

Well written and witty, the scenarios the characters found themselves in were absurd, yet relatable. Who hasn't lost their car in a parking garage or struggled with someone who is a close talker? The terms seeped into our public consciousness and decades after its debut, the show is still as relevant as ever.

When I discovered Jerry Seinfeld, simply put, his poke at little things made me laugh. My enjoyment of his comedy made me want to check out his new show. Seinfeld's core characters weren't written to be like-able, yet proved to be enduring and, ironically, quite like-able.

My 14- and 15-year old nephews have only recently discovered Seinfeld through syndication and laugh out loud as I did when I first watched the episodes during their original run and dozens of times since. 

It was billed as a show about nothing, yet became a show about anything and everything and remains my favorite show of all-time. No matter when I tune in, be it a few minutes in or only with a few minutes left, I watch and laugh and yell out the lines and ... yada, yada, yada all over again!

My co-host of my wrestling podcast, Paul, gave me a list of his favorite Seinfeld episodes! 

My dad, Donald, also gave me a list of his favorite episodes and had this to say about the show:

Favorite Episodes for the Show’s Lead Characters:

Jerry (Possibly the most innately funny lead of a sitcom of all time) = With 180 shows to choose from? Maybe The Puffy Shirt, Season 5.

George = A three-way tie between The Marine Biologist, The Opposite, and the “I was in the pool!” Hamptons episode, all Season 5.

Elaine = The Bizzaro Jerry and The Little Kicks, both Season 8.

Kramer = Any and all of his appearances since the Seinfeld pilot (there were only two episodes in which he didn’t turn up: The Chinese Restaurant and The Pen). If I had to choose one favorite, it would probably be The Merv Griffin Show (Season 9); Also love any of the episodes that feature a Kramerica Industries venture, i.e., the NYU intern assisted oil bladder system (The Voice, Season 9), and his other various “Eureka!” ideas like Make Your Own Pie pizza restaurant or his PB&Js sandwich shop, the Coffee Table Book about coffee tables, The Beach cologne, ketchup and mustard in the same bottle, and the aforementioned male brassiere twist. Should I also include the co-created homeless person powered Rickshaw endeavor, Jerry’s imagining of a future Kramer’s car periscope invention, and possibly the roll-out tie dispenser? Cosmo’s umbrella corporation far outdistances George’s more pedestrian and fictional Vandelay Industries that was made up for extending Costanza’s unemployment benefits as a would be latex salesman.

Hardly a day goes by in my life that doesn’t include an occurrence or interaction within it that I can someway, somehow relate to a Seinfeld episode. Guess that does it for now, gotta go watch some Seinfeld reruns. It NEVER gets old, kinda like watching the movie “Jaws”. So Kelsi Likes, “you’re going to need a bigger list.” LOL

Lots of people on Twitter also weighed in and tweeted about their favorite episodes: 

I also put out a number of Seinfeld-related polls on Twitter:

The last poll shown above references Seinfeld food bits, and there is actually a massive amount of food references throughout the entire run of the show! I found this fun article/list that compiles all the references and includes episode numbers and descriptions: Complete Food Tour of Seinfeld by Moze Halperin and Jillian Mapes from flavorwire.com

“Kelsi’s Kountdown” - My Favorite Seinfeld Quotes

The sea was angry that day my friends…

HELLO NEWMAN

SERENITY NOW!

These Pretzels are Making Me Thirsty

No Soup for You

Honorable Mentions: 

GET OUT

Just pop the top, and toss the stump 

TURN PIMP…I’M NOT A PIMP!

Jambalaya

You son of a bitch bastards

Schmoopy! No you’re schmoopy!

Yada yada yada

CABLE BOY…What have you done to my little cable boy? 

I was in the pool. 

Oh, No, I'm so sorry. It's the MOOPS. The correct answer is The MOOPS.

Here’s to feeling good all the time!

Believe or not answering machine message

You’re living in the past, man. You’re hung up on some clown from the 60s, man!

Well HELLLOOOO

Just Take One Dip and END IT! 

Shut up ya old bag

You’re an anti-dentite!

If this wasn’t my son’s wedding day, I’d knock your teeth out you anti-dentite bastard

In the video at the top of the blog post I also talk about my most underrated Seinfeld episode list as well as my favorite Newman episodes. 

“Kelsi’s Kountdown” - My Favorite Seinfeld Episodes:

The Chicken Roaster (1996 – Season 8) 

The Bris (1993 – Season 5) 

The Soup Nazi (1995 – Season 7) 

The Little Kicks (1996- Season 8) 

The Rye (1996 – Season 7) 

In the video, I also recommended a number of books, articles, and Seinfeld-themed merchandise. 

Here is what I recommended (including links!):

The book “Seinfeldia”: A very comprehensive look at behind-the-scenes facts and information about the show. You can buy it anywhere, including Amazon.

The Complete Series on DVD: Includes AMAZING, in depth bonus features, including interviews with the cast and creators, that will keep you entertained for hours.

Factinate Article: Includes a lot of very interesting facts and tidbits about the show

The book “Seinfeld Trivia”: Available anywhere, including Amazon

A Rolling Stone Article: Lists and describes the 100 Best Seinfeld characters

TwentyTwoWords.com Article: A visually appealing article that lists the best quotes and includes stills from the show.

Festivus! The Book: About the Festivus holiday tradition referenced on the show.

Seinfeld Funko Vinyl Idolz: Awesome figurines that can be displayed. I own all of the figures seen in the picture below except for Puddy.

ScreenRant Article: Written by Sean Harrigan this lists the best 15 Minor Seinfeld Characters

[artsoccupychi]

10 Amazing Treatments By Europe’s Biological Medicine Doctors (You Can’t Get From Your U.S. Medical Doctor)

Studying biological medicine all over the world, I learned some fascinating things. I was researching what Medicine is doing, around the world, to treat cancer—outside of chemotherapy and radiation. Is it working? Can they prove it? I went to 19 clinics and interviewed over 25 doctors, some of whom are very famous. I looked at all their diagnostics and treatments.

Biological Medicine in Europe and the U.S.

In this article:

The U.S. vs Europe

Search for the Best Medical Clinics

2 Questions to Ask the Clinics About

10 Modalities to Look for in a Medical Clinic

More Treatment at Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc

  The U.S. vs Europe

The first thing I learned: in the United States, we might be great at Emergency Medicine, but other parts of the world are far more progressive, in what is highly effective, but non-toxic, in most of the other areas of medicine.

Europeans are researching, publishing, and deploying great strategies that few American doctors know about or use.

Spa Treatments vs Medical Tests

Second, at many of the clinics I visited and researched around the world, spa treatments and fairly useless diagnostics stand-in for true medical tests and treatments.

(Why? An ionic foot bath costs them $79. A hyperbaric ozone chamber costs at least $20,000.)  

Search for the Best Medical Clinics

I found no more than 4 or 5 of the 10 most powerful medical treatments in the world of functional medicine, which I’m about to describe to you, at most of the clinics. Usually fewer.

At the best of the 19 clinics I researched, they have 9 of the 10 treatments, and I’m working with them to get the 10th!

Seek a Biological Medicine Clinic in Europe

If you have a significant diagnosis, consider European biological medicine, if you’re willing to travel for a 3-week inpatient stay.

Biological medicine is the older, more sophisticated counterpart to newer American “functional medicine,” if you are looking for alternatives to the exclusively drugs-and-surgery approach of 99% of U.S. medical doctors.

U.S. Functional Medicine

After all, drugs may blunt symptoms, but they don’t resolve underlying problems. Identifying and resolving the cause of your illness is the specialty of functional medicine doctors (or “biological” medicine in Western Europe).  

2 Questions to Ask the Clinics About

If you’re thinking of spending significantly, such as treatment of cancer, neurodegenerative disease, serious autoimmune conditions, etc., ask the clinic questions about two major issues.

1. What Diet Does The Clinic Provide?

What diet they serve, and recommend? What treatments do they provide? Let me give a little more detail about both issues.

Find out what the diet is they serve—or whether you have to fend for yourself, for food, offsite. A detoxifying diet, during your inpatient stay, is 100% mandatory, in my opinion. And a handful of clinics offer this.

One Biological Medicine Clinic in the United States offers only “juice feasting,” and while I think a cancer patient drinking nothing but alkalizing vegetable juices is a good idea for many, it won’t work for a Stage IV patient in cachexia, and many others just won’t do it.

Another clinic I really like in the U.S. (but ruled out due to the $10k/week price tag) serves the Wigmore diet: you’re drinking wheatgrass shots, and eating sprouts and greens and vegetables, three meals a day. That’s it. Very powerfully healing, but again—some people just won’t do it.

Some Clinics Lack a Proper Diet

But far more troubling were the several clinics I visited who had invested in expensive hyperthermia and other treatments but served cafeteria food: salt shakers at the table, and fried foods and sugary desserts on the buffet. This is not an appropriate food for people trying to get well. Enough said.

Not having a detoxifying diet, while you’re paying the money for an inpatient stay, would be a non-starter for me, if I were diagnosed with a major disease, or if I were looking for the perfect place for someone I love.

The Three-Meal-A-Day Diet Just for You

What I want to see in diet provided, in the perfect world, is a delicious, beautifully prepared, three-meals-a-day diet, made for you. Exclusively healing, plant-based, organic foods and superfoods—some cooked, many raw���and no dairy, processed food, or meat. (Part of the cause of most disease, in the first place.)

(Could such a place exist? It does, in just one of the 19 clinics I researched. In fact, a Michelin-rated chef has worked there, full time, for 15 years. It’s amazing what he does with baked fennel, salads, soups, and even the occasional fruit-based treat.)

2. How Much Does the Clinic Invest in Their Equipment?

Second, please find out how many of the following expensive technologies the clinic has invested in because they are possibly the most evidence-based treatments in functional medicine.  

10 Modalities to Look for in a Medical Clinic

These are the 10 diagnostic and treatment modalities I would want, in the “perfect” clinic.

1. Darkfield Live Blood Analysis

Darkfield Live Blood Analysis: An expert M.D. reviews a drop of your live blood under a high-powered microscope.

An expert M.D. reviews a drop of your live blood under a high-powered microscope, telling you the health of your white and red blood cells, whether you have parasites or high acidity, and how well your immune system is functioning!

Paracelsus Clinic in the Swiss Alps

I looked high and low for a highly skilled M.D. to do this work for me, locally. I found a couple of non-credentialed practitioners and even had them evaluate my blood. None better, though, than Drs. Friderike and Petra Wiechel, M.D. at the Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc, in the Northern Swiss Alps.

Swiss Health Clinic Blood Analysis

After looking at your blood, the doctors in Switzerland put you on a protocol of many of the treatments below, plus a very clean diet, and other treatments not on this list. If you stay for at least two weeks, they will also do this Darkfield blood analysis at the end of your stay. You see remarkable, visual changes in your blood at the end of a 3-week stay for serious and chronic illnesses, indicating an improvement in your overall, systemic health.

2. Hyperbaric Chamber (HBOT)

A hyperbaric chamber is a sealed, pressurized chamber that delivers 100% oxygen to patients, and is used in a variety of healing protocols.

Insurance Coverage for HBOT

The larger version of this, which may cost over $100,000, is found in hospitals in the U.S., but your insurance won’t pay for it, except in a few medical diagnoses, such as diabetic ulcers, non-healing infections, carbon monoxide poisoning, or burn treatment, which is what hospitals use it for, very effectively.

Home-Based HBOT

A still-expensive (but less so) version of the hyperbaric chamber is used in some of the best functional medicine clinics that can afford to invest. Some home units are priced at about $5,000, but you must have medical supervision to use oxygen with it (due to the potential for fire), and I feel if you cannot use oxygen during the treatment, with pressurization alone, you are not getting the full effect of this powerful treatment.

Benefits of a Hyperbaric Chamber

Hundreds of published studies show that it that can dramatically speed healing and slow aging and is an effective treatment for post-surgery healing, sports injury, gangrene and ulcers, cellulitis (necrotizing, or flesh-eating infections) and other infections, burns including radiation damage, and cancer. Some evidence shows that the treatment can be helpful for Lyme, Parkinson’s, MS, and ALS, as well as stroke patients, TBI (traumatic brain injury), and heart disease.

Holistic Clinics Specializing in HBOT

One caveat I want to mention. A lot of clinics nationwide have this treatment and nothing else. Strip malls are even opening hyperbaric treatments, much like you can go to a hydrotherapy clinic for 3-6 colon flushes in the course of a couple of weeks—with nothing else offered.

These clinics can lead a patient new to the holistic approach to healing to think that they can employ just one treatment, and expect it to “cure” their disease. The sales people sell these services well, but remember, “when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”

Benefits of Being an In-Patient

This may be something you try, at home, and there’s nothing wrong with the “a la carte” approach. However, I think that adjunctive to a very healing diet at an excellent inpatient clinic, and going home to continue your cleansing diet, a variety of other tests and treatments that you can receive from skilled medical staff who have your test results to consult, is a far more comprehensive approach that yields strong outcomes.

Different Types of Treatment

Remember that in functional medicine, “it’s never just one thing.” Unlike the chemo and radiation approach, where virtually everyone with Diagnosis X receives Chemo Y, there are a variety of things you can be doing, all at once, in a 3-week (or more) stay, that will eliminate a lot of toxic chemical load that caused or contributed to your diagnosis in the first place.

3. Ozone Treatment

Ozone Treatment: Blood leaves and is ozonated….the nurse spends about 30 seconds shaking ozone into your blood—and then she reverses the flow, and returns the ozonated blood to your arm.

I have seen several versions of this treatment in many clinics worldwide. Ozone is oxygen, but with a third oxygen atom, so it’s O3. While some variants of ozone can be toxic, pure O3 is what lightning creates, cleansing the atmosphere. It is used in hundreds of applications to kill parasites and pathogens.

Ozone Treatment in the U.S.

In one U.S. clinic I visited, a primitive protocol (in my opinion marginally therapeutic at best), the Columbia-trained M.D. stuck a large needle in the patient’s hip, shook up about 10 ml in the syringe with O3, and injected it back into the hip.

Ozone Treatment in Switzerland

The most sophisticated method, which I found in the same Swiss clinic with the Michelin-rated-chef serving the food:

With just a pinprick, via a needle in your arm, blood leaves and is ozonated: the nurse spends about 30 seconds shaking ozone into your blood—and then she reverses the flow, and returns the ozonated blood to your arm.

Rinse and repeat: in one hour, this process is repeated 10 times before the needle is removed. No more traumatic than a nutrient infusion.

Each time, while a pint of your blood is in the container, you have a powerful killer of cancer cells, parasites, fungi, and pathogenic bacteria, on contact.

This method appears to treat far more of your blood, likely all of it—and you feel the difference. Most patients feel highly energized by the oxygenation of their blood, which helps alkalize, as well as defeating pathogens, mold, mycotoxins, and more.

4. Full-Body Hyperthermia

In Germany, even standard hospitals use this “induced fever” treatment as an adjunct to chemotherapy, to increase its effectiveness, and optimize the patient’s healing process. In Europe, it is covered by insurance for cancer patients.

Alternative to Chemo

Robyn receiving a full-body hyperthermia treatment at the Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc

Many “traditional Western Medicine” medical journals in Europe have published studies showing improved outcomes with full-body hyperthermia as a cancer adjunct. And other practitioners and patients who opt out of chemotherapy also find this treatment very helpful in their healing.

European Clinics Experience

As a preventative, I have done it three times, in the Swiss Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc, as well as in German clinics. The entire treatment takes about 4-5 hours, and you are monitored by a rectal thermometer to increase your core body temperature to 102-104 degrees. The goal is that your temperature stays high, for a few hours, to give the immune system time to work.

(I was amazed that even after the heat was turned off, my fever continued for a couple of hours.)

The Human Fever 101

We all know that human cells are optimized at 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, but most don’t realize that immune cells are actually in “high gear” and optimized at 104 degrees.

(This is why it’s better to let a fever run, even as high as 104 degrees, when you are ill, rather than taking Tylenol to stop that process. The fever is doing important work to “burn out” the viral or bacterial infection. It is extremely rare for a fever to exceed 104 degrees, and when the body goes to fevers at 105+, it is due to other factors being out of control.)

About the Treatment

The treatment mobilizes white blood cells and “killer T cells,” and is powerful in killing mutated cancer cells and tumors, as well as killing pathogenic bacteria and viruses, mold spores, and all other aberrant cells.

You are artificially inducing a fever, which most adults get only rarely, and it’s a great preventative, too.

Better Than Infrared Saunas

Preventative medicine is not a specialty of the American system, but at a functional medicine clinic leveraging this powerful treatment modality, hyperthermia goes beyond what can be achieved in an infrared sauna. You are connected to IV fluids to keep you hydrated and replace lost electrolytes and minerals throughout the process.

5. Nutrient Infusions

An IV of Vitamin C, selenium, and other minerals is immune system-mobilizing and an important strategy to address deficiencies quickly, during your healing process.

IV Vitamin C

Your functional medicine practitioner will often use IV Vitamin C because it is so well documented to mobilize cancer-fighting immune cells. (It is now even covered by many insurance companies, for a variety of uses, especially for cancer.)

Selenium for Cancer Prevention

Selenium is also effective in combating cancer cells. (Even if you haven’t been diagnosed with cancer, technically, we all “have” cancer. The average human body produced 50,000 mutated cells per day. Getting on top of this, with healing strategies, then, before cancer gets out of control, is a great idea!)

Importance of Zinc

Zinc is the mineral most often depleted in American patients going to the Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc. This is probably due to zinc being in high demand by an organism under stress.

IV Treatment for Lacking Nutrients

Testing prior to your IV treatments will indicate what nutrients you are low in, and the IV will deliver an infusion of those nutrients in a 60- to 90-minute treatment, while you lie on a comfortable bed looking at the window at the beautiful Swiss Alps.

6. Liver Hyperthermia

Sonogram technology heats the liver to help it detoxify rapidly and effectively, during the period you stay at the clinic eating only clean, organic plant foods, and doing other treatments to clear toxins out, quickly and painlessly. This form of biological therapy coaxes the body to heal naturally on its own, ideal for people looking for non-invasive treatments.

Full-Body Hyperthermia

Full-body hyperthermia, the 4- to 5-hour treatment inside an expensive machine, heats the entire body, while the practitioner monitors your rectal temperature and delivers IV fluids, but this localized liver hyperthermia takes only 20-30 minutes and acts directly on that organ, alone.

7. Oligoscan and Heavy Metal Chelation

A new technology, the Oligoscan, is painless, involving no needles or lab tests, and accurately tells you the levels of all the toxic heavy metals in your body.

Testing for Heavy Metals

The biological medicine practitioner will test several points on the palm of your hand, and print a detailed bar chart showing whether each heavy metal is in the green (low), yellow (potential problem), or red (dangerous) zone.

The test also tells you the levels of all your minerals, identifying deficiencies, and it indicates how blocked your detoxification pathways are.

Chelation of Heavy Metals from the Body

Your practitioner can then address the specific heavy metals you may have been exposed to, which are found in the “yellow” and “red” zones, to “chelate” them from your body. Much like a nutrient infusion, where minerals and vitamins you are deficient in are added to your IV, “chelator” agents like STMP or EDTA are added to your IV. These agents have a known affinity for specific heavy metals and can bind to them, allowing you to release them safely in your urine.

Because chelating agents also bind to, and remove, many of the helpful minerals from your body, your practitioner will give you supplements to replace lost minerals.

Urine Challenge Test

When Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc invested in the Oligoscan, they told me that first, they used the “gold standard” for heavy metals testing, and found that this urine challenge test corresponded very closely to the results of the Oligoscan, when they used both tests with the same patient.

8. Liver Flush

Robyn receiving a Liver Flush treatment at the Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc

After a week of detoxing, at a clinic providing your food, you are well prepped for a protocol used by hundreds of functional medicine doctors all over the world.

A week of eating light, high-fiber, plant-based meals, with no alcohol, dairy products, or refined foods, and after your colon hydrotherapy (see below), you are ready for a Liver and Gallbladder Flush. The procedure often causes people who have previously eaten acidic foods and taken prescription medications, which have the same effect, to pass dozens, sometimes even hundreds, of small, greenish kidney stones, without pain.

Gallstones Prevention

Even people with no gallbladder can do this, because crystalline structures form in the liver, as well as the gallbladder, leading to the risk of later “kidney stones” or “gallstones” that can be tremendously painful.

Liquifying the Stool Before the Flush

Your biological medicine doctor will have you skip dinner, and then drink a small amount of olive oil, chased by fresh grapefruit or lemon juice. Some practitioners have you take Epsom salts dissolved in water, which are not actually a salt (like table salt), at all. The purpose of this treatment is to liquify stool prior to and during the flush.

Overnight Liver Detox

Then, you lie down for the night, covering your liver with a hot water bottle. During the night, or the next morning, you will painlessly eliminate many, sometimes hundreds, of gallstones from both gallbladder and liver, in your stool.

9. Acupuncture and Neural Therapy

Pain can be alleviated with an experienced practitioner’s manipulation of the energetic pathways of the body, or meridians, and neural therapy that moves “stuck” energies in the nervous and musculoskeletal systems. This treatment can break up scarring on the body, that blocks the movement of energy and can contribute to disease states.

Paracelsus Clinic Testimonials

At the Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc, Dr. Petra Wiechel, MD, is well known to be a genius at neural therapy, involving small needles and a variety of superficially injected substances. While this treatment is not always a primary healing strategy, it can be, when there are blockages in healing processes and energetic pathways. And, every year when I visit the clinic, I always see her alleviate pain, for patients suffering from a migraine, back pain, and other issues.

10. Hydrotherapy and Coffee Enemas

If you’ve never experienced “hydrotherapy,” you may be nervous about it. You needn’t be. This is an at-home treatment you can do, yourself, as you undertake a detoxification process.

But when you have one of the sophisticated systems, at your disposal, that a clinic has invested in, you can get far more thorough irrigation of your colon.

Home Colonic vs Professional Colonic

A home colonic will get water up into 1/3 to ½ of the lowest part of your bowel, the descending third of the transverse colon. (The transverse colon goes up, over, and down, in three parts: ascending, transverse, and descending. A professional colonic, especially after you’ve done one or two, can get all the way through the ascending colon, all three parts. That’s assuming you don’t have distensions, sagging pockets in your colon, or significant blockage.)

Past the Transverse Colon

Above the transverse colon, you have additional parts of the digestive tract, including the small intestine, and no colonic will get water into the small intestine, until and unless you’ve done quite a few of the treatments, over a few weeks’ time—and even then, only if you are eating only clean foods and eliminating well. Remember, the gastrointestinal tract of a human being is 30’ to 35’ long.

Why is Hydrotherapy Important?

The water in the colonic is to eliminate waste, first, and then hydrate, to help loosen hardened stool, and then finally, to get water higher up in the colon for more of the same. Some hydrotherapy uses ozonated water, which kills parasites.

Do it Yourself or with a Hydrotherapist

Some clinics use “open systems,” which allow you to use all the equipment by yourself in the room, seeing the waste leave through glass tubing, and without any anxiety caused by having the professional help you.

Most clinics, however, will have a trained hydrotherapist help you through each step of the process, from painlessly inserting the lubed tubing into the rectum, to guiding you through stages of filling the colon with water and eliminating it.

The Coffee Enema

A final stage, utilized in the Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc, and many others worldwide, is to insert 1-2 cups of organic coffee into the rectum. The “coffee enema” or “coffee implant” may seem a strange practice, for someone who has never heard of this. However, it is powerful in the treatment of cancer, and for anyone in a detoxification process. Let me explain.

Max Gerson, MD, pioneered this practice, first helping thousands of migraine sufferers eliminate their headaches, in Nazi Germany. After he fled to the U.S., he helped thousands of cancer patients get well, with his famous protocols, one part of which is the coffee enema.

Coffee Against Tumor Tissue

Cancer patients treated holistically around the world use coffee in this manner to quickly eliminate tumor tissue that their other treatments have been rapidly breaking down. (This way, the byproducts of malignancies being killed don’t flood the eliminating pathways and jeopardize the patient’s safety.)

Quick Detoxification

The caffeine in the colon is quickly absorbed, via the hemorrhoidal vein, up to the liver and kidneys. The bile ducts dilate quickly, dumping bile and toxins into the colon, where you can immediately expel them. Since the liver recirculates the entire blood supply every four minutes, this treatment is powerfully detoxifying, even if you hold the coffee in, for only four minutes! (But, you should try to hold it in, for 10-15 minutes.)

Home Detox with Water Enema

The GreenSmoothieGirl 26-Day Home Detox recommends this practice, at home (be sure to use a water enema first, to clear debris from the colon and expel all the water), daily, for a “Level 2” (more experienced or adventurous) detoxer.

Hydrotherapy in Clinics

At a clinic, though, you can do this treatment under supervision, and with the far superior hydrotherapy system and equipment. Some clinics have cancer patients in an active process of breaking down a great deal of malignancy do it every four hours!

Producing the Master Antioxidant

The coffee enema process results in a feeling many patients report as “euphoria,” and it’s not just from the caffeine. The process also causes the liver to produce 800 percent more glutathione (the “master antioxidant”), causing not only a positive mood but also disappearing pain or a headache. (The treatment is often used for pain relief.)

More About Coffee Enema

A couple of notes, related to common questions about the coffee enema:

1. Not the Same as Drinking Coffee

One, drinking a cup of joe does not have the same effects as placing it directly where immediately uptake for medicinal effect in the liver and kidneys is possible.)

2. Practice Hydrotherapy Only Occasionally

Two, because the water from hydrotherapy goes up only about 18” into the 35-foot digestive tract, washing out those all-important living organisms called “probiotics” from the colon is a consideration, but not a big issue. Because it is invasive, unless you are a cancer or a headache (or chronic pain) sufferer, most functional medicine doctors do not recommend making hydrotherapy or coffee enemas habitual. Breaking up “catarrhal mucoid plaque” in the colon is a great way to increase throughput and the health of your GI tract, but the end goal is a pink, highly peristaltic colon that functions well on its own, not needing a long-term “crutch.”

The best use of hydrotherapy and the adjunctive coffee enema is in an occasional (once or twice a year) detoxification process, or for treatment of a specific issue. Your practitioner will probably give you a probiotic to take, after a course of hydrotherapy.  

More Treatments at Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc

These are by no means all the treatments at Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc, nor do they scratch the surface of the treatments and tests you may find in Europe’s clinics of biological medicine, and the best of American clinics of functional medicine.

However, I think these are among the most powerful, research-based, and effective treatments.

Do you have more questions about Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc or biological medicine? Mention them in the comments section below.

Up Next: Are Amalgam Fillings Safe? A Biological Dentist Weighs In

  —Robyn Openshaw is an author of 15 titles and a cancer and nutrition researcher.

About Robyn Openshaw

From 2009 to 2011, she traveled to 19 clinics around the world and studied holistic, functional, and biological medicine, especially as practiced for the treatment of cancer. You may learn more about her favorite clinic from her research, the Paracelsus Clinic Al Ronc, here.

Disclosure: This post may contain Affiliate links that help support the GSG mission without costing you extra. I recommend only companies and products that I use myself.

  Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on January 29, 2018, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.

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