#for mind heart and health video games are BAD for me

[nat-20s]

oh i forgor...viddy gams are BAD for me

[comfortless]

sylly (like silly yk yk) what are your könig hcs? 🌹

SYLLY?! i…. Ok…. fair warning this is a little long… all that i do is think about this guy someone get him out of my head.

tread carefully reading this! there is a lot of sensitive content here: mental health stuff, abuse, mentions of sex and pornographic material, suicidal ideation, etc etc.

Generic, silly headcanons:

He prefers coffee (black) over tea, but he does have a bit of a sweet tooth (will never resist caramel if it’s presented to him). Honestly, he’s pretty self-reliant when it comes to food, too. On lazy days, he makes enough to where a takeout bill is hardly a concern, but for the most part he cooks! Not a chef by any means, but nothing he ever makes is bad!

Definitely wants a big, loving family, the polar opposite of what he had growing up as an only child in a far less than perfect household. Not a dealbreaker, but he does yearn for all of the love that he’s missed out on and then some.

Not big on video games, but… I do think he is absolutely spending every lonely leave playing Elder Scrolls. Would be so easy to convince to go larping or to a renfaire. I see everyone’s car/bike guy headcanons and I raise you… obsessed with fantasy König. He loves history and myth!! Why not combine the two and see him in chainmail.

The scent & kink posts. But to add… he’s an affectionate biter. (,: Knows the correct places to do so that won’t cause damage or hurt too terribly much. Likes to sniff you just as well! The embodiment of the “merge souls with me” post; in love, he just wants to feel you any way that he can and have some part of you lingering on him, even if it’s just a stray hair or your scent clinging to his shirt or pillowcase.

Cheating is never on this guy’s mind when he’s in a relationship. If he’s found a lady not running for the hills the second she catches sight of him, that’s his one and only. Sure, he may find himself attracted to someone else at some point or other during the duration of a relationship, but he’s devoted and disciplined! There’s never the fear of anyone coming in between he and his lover. He’ll spoil you with gifts, clingy to a point it’s overbearing, always giving you the utmost care… but is not opposed to bullying you into being a submissive, trembling mess either. He’s balanced!

Adores animals. Like any of them. There’s a special place in his heart for cats, but having a constant companion that he can take on hikes like a large dog would be ideal. Would definitely consider owning a tarantula or a snake, too. ^^ He isn’t scared of anything, let alone a creature that most are misinformed about… (he projects a little..). He would treat them just as well as anyone would treat a more “normal” pet. Understanding if you wouldn’t want to hold a giant arachnid (they’re delicate and you squirming over it would make him a bit protective over the poor thing. ): ), but it would mean a lot to him if you were more accepting.

König would not be a pretty sight (to most people) the majority of the time… I doubt that he takes care of himself past training his body and his allotted one-two minute military showers. His character description describes what is rumored to be under his mask as scary. Let him have his buzzcut, and scars, and teeth or old wounds a little too fucked up to fix! Unconventionally attractive is still attractive! (i think his ‘face reveal’ is actually so cute…)

Lots of sporadic little thoughts, but… Ambidextrous, can not ride a bike, whistles/hums to fill lapses of silence, flexes his fingers/cracks his knuckles when he’s nervous, definitely snores (loudly), brushes his teeth like 3-4 times a day (when he can) because he eats so much, not a picky eater at all, thinks it’s cute if you’re affectionately a little grossed out by him from time to time, absolutely the kind of person that thinks fuel and fire smell good, fluent in English and German but certainly knows many words and phrases from other languages.

Kind of clumsy. Overthinks the way his body looks to the point where sometimes his movements are a little stiff. Overestimates how tall a door frame may be if he’s distracted in the presence of others, hits his head and plays it off like he didn’t even notice. He’s (obviously) highly confident on the field, but in regular circumstances it’s totally reversed.

Though. Yeah. Sometimes this does translate onto the field. Can’t stay in one place for too long, once knocked an enemy soldier out by barreling into him. He’s a quick shot, skillful with any weapon that falls into his hands, but his focus can get a little skewed.

He collects some things. Nothing exactly pricy, but antique knives, coins, and a pocket watch or two. And he isn’t the most apt at putting things together in an appealing way… The first time you’re allowed into his house it looks like he’s robbed some vintage hunting shop/is planning something nefarious with the way he’s just got a few daggers strewn about his kitchen table. Just push them to the side, it’s fine! (His favorite is certainly one with a handle carved from a stag’s antler.)

Definitely takes a physical approach to bad feelings. @melancholic-thing mentioned to me that he bites himself when he’s feeling dejected or frustrated and yeah. (All of Ghost’s hcs for him are factually correct.) Not going to punch a hole through the wall but may aggressively slam a door or raise his voice before he can catch himself.

I have many thoughts about König’s childhood/early adulthood. Like, too many. But to summarize…

I think that everyone experiences bullying to an extent but what would make it so bad that it managed to make its way into the scraps that we do have of him? What made him so fundamentally unlikable to his peers? /: With my König I’ve settled on it being a blend of neurodivergency and a nightmare home life and alienation from his peers.

Height is predominantly viewed as a good trait. I don’t think it was necessarily his appearance at all that got him picked on so heavily (albeit… I do think that he would have had some scars, crooked teeth, regular facial bruising or cuts from scraps with other children/his father). Perhaps not the most conventionally attractive guy around, but normally viewed as a solid 5/10, just average. The kind of person who you wouldn’t remember from just a face alone.

His personality was always memorable though.

Whilst the other children/teenagers were interested in the regular trends, sports, whatever was shown on the television or heard on the radio at the time, I think he probably would have had a great interest in escapism!!

Comics, books, researching history and geography, etc, anything that could keep him from thinking of where he was/what other people viewed him as. He had a lot of strange things to say: odd facts (like the kind of person to tell you the longest word in the dictionary because he thinks it’s cool, “um actually—“ to correct something, monologuing about some bug you’ve just squashed and how it was not just a pest but very useful in nature, borderline concerning reactions to being shunned (feigned threats of violence that he would laugh off, things he’s probably heard from media and his own parents), over explaining himself for the simplest of misunderstandings, and… quoting his Oma’s very old-fashioned turns of phrase (think of little Kö regularly saying “Du gehst mir tierisch auf den Keks.” when he’s annoyed whereas the others say things far less dated like “Du gehst mir auf den Sack.”)

With him being difficult to relate to and having the most uncanny things slip out of his mouth, others probably did view him as a bit of a freak. He didn’t particularly stand up for himself often either apart from a few fights (and would never hit a girl). He would stay quiet, pretend to focus on his studies or whatever else was before him while the other children jeered and taunted. Regularly a target for fake confessions and offers to hang out outside of school, too.

König did have crushes, did have people he thought were cool and wanted to befriend, but after the third time of showing up someplace that he had to walk to on his own to find that no one had actually wanted to spend their time with him, he gave up.

I don’t think he had a good relationship with his parents or much of anyone. Seriously, leaving for the military at seventeen sets off a ton of alarm bells! He left the week of his Oma’s passing, because what else was there for him — no girlfriend, no prospects, hardly a relationship with his mother or father.

His father was your standard shit parent— womanizing, loud, physically abusive towards König. “Bonding” activities with him always had a heavy lean towards violence: hunting and arguing that usually resulted in fist fighting his own son seemed to be his favorites. A small man with an equally small ego— he probably would have boasted about his affairs to König, exposed him to pornography as a way of making sure his son wasn’t anything other than straight (which: never stopped his curiosity). He would never hold back from telling König that he would never in a million years find a girl willing to put up with his supposed stupidity and shortcomings. Generally just viewed his own son as utterly worthless if not for use as a punching bag.

In turn, König always loathed him, would dread hearing the bastard just walking around the house because he knew he would always find something to bicker with his wife or son over. Nothing that they ever did would be deemed correct, and his social anxiety initially developed from his dealings with him.

His mother was withdrawn, emotionally neglectful. König was just… there to her; another mouth to feed, another person begging for the attention she would have rather spared on herself.

She wasn’t a bad mother and she did try, but the product of dealing with his father’s nonsense + letting her own mental illness go unchecked (as in, his father controlled the family financially and why would he let her blow through their funds to see a therapist and “lose her lucidity with pills and ridiculous talks”). There were some days when she would be feeling more like herself and take König along with her for walks through the park where she would try to ask him about his life, about school, and… he would end up spilling his guts to her only for her to return to silence. Still, those were his favorite days. His fondest memory was picking a flower for her on one of those walks, one that she kept pressed and later framed.

There were never family dinners, no movie nights, no day trips or vacations. The most blissful of days were spent in the comfort of his room where he could keep the door locked and muffle the sounds of his parents arguing with loud music.

So, König did not have much of a safe space within his own home, but he had his Oma and her cluttered little house. She had books and plenty of food, even a cat, too. Though she was like his mother, stern and withdrawn, she would at least sit with him and tell him stories of her own life. She would at least tell him “Ich lieb dich, Käferchen!” in her quiet voice, stroke his head where he would sit with his nose buried in a book beside her. She would show him her dusty antiques, her old photographs, and in turn taught him to be a proper man by making him tend to what needed to be done around her house. And the garden. He loved his Oma’s garden, full of orchids, petunias, and tomatoes she would mash up to make him goulash or tomatensalat!

With Austria’s leading religion being Catholicism, I do think his Oma would have dragged him with her to service plenty, too. Not that he ever particularly enjoyed it… just zoned out with a plastic soldier in his pocket to fidget with or some trading card he spent the money he earned doing chores for her on. He’s never considered himself religious, thought himself to be bound for Hell no matter what, even if most of the time he felt that he was already there.

You take a puppy that’s been beaten down his entire life, but still remains eager and throw him in a barrack with people more horrible than any bully he’s ever had, though…? He starts taking his father’s advice more and more then. He wouldn’t harm anyone that he didn’t view as deserving of it, but it didn’t need to go that far that often, anyway. König is aware of the space he takes up by then, aware that all of his training has made him more broad and sturdy, and those playground fights are nothing compared to what he’s capable of now.

He gets his callsign from a quip about him owning nothing. His barrack is empty, devoid of pictures or any sentimental belongings. He rarely checks his phone, there might be the occasional missed call from a spam number, what is there to even see? He has no social media presence, every leave is spent in a shitty apartment only a days travel from his hometown, and he is utterly silent when the other soldiers invite him out for drinks. So yes, he’s a king. The king of absolutely nothing.

One of these rowdy boys does eventually coax him into talking to a woman. He loses his virginity in a disgusting bar bathroom, where he asks her after the two minutes he’s spent inside of her if it means anything to her at all. She laughs, washes herself in the sink and calms him down, but doesn’t give him her number or anything more than her first name.

He’s starved for love, utterly miserable without it, but doesn’t have much of a desire to seek it out, either. He’s seen how people are, how they treat him. But time and time again he will grapple onto any thread that may lead him to a pinhole of hope when it’s offered to him. For the most part, he has his hand and a perpetually almost-empty bottle of lotion.

And it’s not much of a surprise that König has contemplated suicide more times than he can count. It has never culminated in any way, only fearing that he would disappoint his men, even further disappoint his parents, maybe even a small part of him still believes in a Hell; that maybe with enough vigilantism on his part he’ll earn his way to a pleasant afterlife, one he teeters on the separation of believing in and not.

He doesn’t think about his mental health, always haunted by his father’s words, thinking that assuredly it would make him weak if he were to seek help for something like his own thoughts. So he overexerts himself during workouts, bottles everything other than rage and love inside: no one is going to see him cry, not ever again after being laughed at for him hundreds of times during school where he sat being called an “ugly giant” a “daydreaming freak” and an “idiot” near daily where silent tears did escape, only spurring further laughter.

Though I do not write him with these things in mind for every au, there are always subtle hints scattered about. ^^ I could probably prattle on forever about him, but I will leave you with this for now…

[2sgf]

Solstice ☀️ Sol ☀️ Sunny

he/him ⭐ they/them ⭐ she/her

28 years old ; tme two-spirit first nations wo/man

@mermen is my moonlight 🌙

★ minors do not follow or interact thank you

☆ white supremacists, transmisogynists, sex bioessentiallists, TERFs, and anyone who follow these kinds of beliefs will be blocked

★ if you notice i've interacted with anyone who follows the above ideology or they have interacted with me, please let me know! i might have not noticed

☆ feel free to dm me any donation posts or anything else you need boosted. i will do my best to boost it during the day.

★ i always read abouts, carrds, rentrys, & pinned posts! i might forget to like posts after, or might unlike them after some time to keep my likes clean

☆ i try to keep others' blacklists in mind but if i forgot to tag something, feel free to send me an ask or a message! i will do my best to remember but the dissociation might fuck with me so if it's something important but niche you need tagged, i might need multiple reminders so just unfollow if you're worried about it...

★ disabled, neurodivergent polyfrag system

☆ remade on july 18th 2024

art blog: @solsunbeam

more about under the cut! ^^ not necessary to read

☀ my socio-political beliefs: land back, pro palestine, anti-colonization, harm reductionist, anti-canada and anti-usa, anti capitalism, defund & dismantle the police, prison abolitionist, anti child family services, pro family reunification, better funding for social services, pro universal healthcare (including mental health resources, optometry, AND dentistry), antipsychiatry, pro universal basic income, decriminalize drugs, sex bioessentialism is rooted in white supremacy, and may all the catholic churches burn down thank you

☼ i don't 'debate' any of the above with anon asks. if you want more info on why i hold these beliefs, you can ask me privately via message. though, i may block you if your vibes are bad. if you deeply disagree with the above, then i rather you block me than try to convince me otherwise. i'll save us both the time and just block you.

☀ in general i block whenever i feel i need to

☼ i occasionally post about the above, but this blog will also contain a mish-mash of my interests, personal posts, fashion pictures, nature pics, and like.... idk whatever ✌🏽

☀ mutuals this is your sign to ASK FOR MY DISCORD! come. enter my dms. let me send you pictures of my cats.

☼ interests: poetry, art, films, fashion, video games, animation, plants, comics, child welfare, trauma recovery, disability rights, tarot, witchcraft, the occult, linguistics, lolita fashion, and all kinds of other stuff

☀ video games: kingdom hearts, fire emblem, legend of zelda, animal crossing, final fantasy, supergiant's hades, minecraft, mario bros, pokemon (mostly gens 1-5), sonic the hedgehog, undertale, deltarune, // anime/manga: witch hat atelier, dungeon meshi, sailor moon, revolutionary girl utena, yugioh duel monsters, card captor sakura, madoka magica, hunter x hunter, ghibli movies, and other stuff lol

☼ alters may or might not tag their posts as [alter name].txt feel free to refer to them as their name! but we all respond to the collective name as well <3

☀ my final message...... peas and lov on planet erth....... goodnight

[mvltiwritez1]

Breathe - Angela Giarratana x Fem!Reader

Requested by: @loverluzer - ‘A love confession with Angela but reader has really bad anxiety so it's kind more like a bunch of word vomit’

WARNING(S): little mentions of throwing up (in a jokey way), really mild swearing

I’m still taking requests! Just Dm me if you want one fulfilled! - August

————————————————————————

"You should tell her Y/n" Arasha said to her friend, taking a bite of her lunch after. Y/n sighed and pulled her gaze away from Angela talking to Amanda reluctantly.

"What if she doesn't like me back? It would be so embarrassing, especially since we're co-workers" Y/n explained, picking at her own lunch, losing her appetite due to nerves.

"If she doesn't then it's in the past, no hard feelings and certainly no awkward situations. You know Angela, she's very outgoing and understanding." Arasha replied, keeping her tone hushed when she mentioned the Italian's name.

"I know she is but what if she feels like she has to say yes? Or what if we can't act like we're just fine? I know we're actors for a living but sometimes it's hard!" Y/n whined slightly, making sure her voice wasn't as loud as well.

"I understand that sometimes it is but you're going insane dude. You're pulling your hair out over a crush, I'm saying this out of love and care but your mental health could really benefit from you just saying it flat out." Arasha gestured with her hands as she talked as she normally did.

Y/n stayed silent, she knew Arasha was right. Why did she have to be so?! Y/n rubbed at her forehead, pondering a way to tell her.

"It's not like I could just pull her aside for a few and be like 'hey I wanna kiss you'" Y/n said, oversimplifying her feelings. Arasha chuckled.

"Okay maybe you shouldn't lead with that but I'm just saying, maybe tell her off of company time like the weekend since it's Friday? Ask if you can come over or just tell her over text, it's really just about getting it out there" Arasha tried giving her best advice and Y/n nodded, appreciative of whatever guidance that could be provided.

"Now, are we finally done talking about your crush for a while? I don't want my lunch to come back up" Arasha joked lightheartedly and Y/n cracked a smile.

——

Y/n walked onto the games set for a Try Not To Win Mario Party video and sat beside Shayne on the couch, the man doing something on his phone before they started shooting. They acknowledged each other with a small greeting as they got mentally prepared to shoot.

Angela walked in after Y/n and sat right beside her.

"Hey Y/n! This shoot is gonna be so fun" Angela beamed at Y/n, a light rose covering her cheeks. Y/n chuckled along in response before talking back.

"Yeah I agree. I can't wait to beat your ass...by losing" Y/n put up a confident front but in reality, her heart felt like it would burst through her rib cage and onto the clean carpet below them.

"You wish" Angela spoke, her voice getting slightly deeper. No one barely paying attention could notice it but Y/n did and it made her all the more nervous that her hands started sweating. The rest of the cast for the video came in along with the crew at the right time, cutting their conversation short.

——

Y/n finally was able to sit on her own couch in her own apartment. She sighed and let her body relax for a second before having to get up and make something for a meal.

She got up after sitting in the quiet of her apartment for about 5 minutes and made a simple sandwich, her energy was down so she didn't want to stand at the stove for a while.

Her mind wouldn’t shut up about Angela, any conversation they had or any type of physical contact between them replayed in her head like an old movie. It was beginning to be unbearable.

Y/n tried blasting music through her headphones but that just caused the thoughts and daydreams to get worse and for her to get a headache. She even tried sleeping early but couldn’t as her mind kept thinking back to Arasha’s advice.

‘Just tell her’

Y/n couldn’t take it anymore so her body carried her to her running shoes and windbreaker and put them on quickly.

Before Y/n could talk herself out of it, she started running. Down the hallway and stairs of her apartment complex until she reached the outdoors.

It had been raining so the air smelled of Petrichor and clung to her skin as she continued running. Her direction seemingly random.

She heaved and puffed as her legs kept her steady, not stopping for a second.

Finally she found the very place she wanted to go, Angela’s front door. Since they were friends, they both knew each other’s address and had been to each other’s places.

Y/n knocked on the door and ran a hand through her - now wet - locks as she panted. The door opened to reveal Angela, dressed in a loose t-shirt, sweatpants, socks, and her glasses with her hair tied up.

“Y/n?” Angela asked before looking around for a vehicle of some sort. Y/n felt like she had to say it or else she would puke.

“Listen Ange, I really really like you and I have for months but I’ve been too afraid to tell you because we’re co-workers and I don’t wanna make things awkward at all but I’m done hiding my feelings from you because I’m afraid that if I do I’ll explode and if you’re uncomfortable I’ll drop it but I can’t handle hiding it anymore I like you a lot and—“ Y/n’s tired ramblings we’re cut off by Angela’s hands on either side of her face and her soft lips on Y/n’s.

Y/n’s eyes grew wide but soon closed and her hands moved to Angela’s waist when she realized what was happening. Angela gently pulled away and looked into Y/n’s eyes.

“I was afraid you were gonna turn blue…or yark” Angela said softly. Y/n exhaled, really processing what just happened.

“You…like me too?” Y/n asked, her voice laced with insecurity. Angela chuckled and looked at Y/n astounded.

“Of course, I thought I was being so obvious!” Angela exclaimed and Y/n blushed slightly while smiling, the information finally catching up to her.

“Thank goodness. I thought I fucked everything up” Y/n said and they both chuckled.

“Now come inside, you’ll get sick if you spend another minute out there” Angela pulled Y/n into the apartment and planned to take care of Y/n first and ask a million questions later.

[vrisrezis]

Hi again, I hope you are doing well with all the madness, Since I asked for Yandere Gojo with a shut in reader last time, I would like to please request for Yandere Geto with a shut in reader

that is totally fine with me cuz I need to forget the state of jjk rn 😭😭 slight nsfw but not rlly . Just mentions of sex and also cat maid …

Yan! Geto who probably mentions maybe going outside more, but as time goes on he stops mentioning it. The more time he spends with you, the more obsessed he becomes. The more obsessed he becomes, the more he simply wants to please you. If you don’t want to go out, so be it!

After all, you know what’s best. Normally, spending some much time inside would be bad for your physical and mental health, but you must be aware of that. Furthermore, you must be so strong you can overcome that! Or even better, it doesn’t even bother you! As expected of his s/o!

Yan! Geto who finds himself rather lucky to have found you, cause it would truly be by chance with how often you seem to isolate yourself.

Yan! Geto who goes out and buys groceries very often for you and does all the things you don’t want to go out and do! He has no problem! He can even make you food if you don’t want to do anything inside the house!

Yan! Geto who works himself to the absolute bone for you, even when you don’t ask for it. Tell him to take a break please. It’s cute when you tell him to, he gets these heart eyes and a wobbly grin and starts to cry! Because wow! You care about him!!

Yan! Geto who kinda likes that you’re a shut in, cause that means he doesn’t have to deal with people trying to take you from him.

Yan! Geto who doesn’t mind that you become more reliant on him to do things for you or to go to places with you cause you don’t like going by yourself anymore. In fact, he loves it! Please rely on him. He knows he’s just dirty trash in comparison to you, but he can be useful!

Yan! Geto will do the cooking and the cleaning. Even more than that! He will work! You don’t need to do a thing! :)

Yan! Geto who likes playing video games with you :D he’s very bad at them tho .

Yan! Geto who probably praises you a lot more since you guys have so much alone time together lmao

Yan! Geto who explores his kinks more cause again, you guys have more alone time. So sex is a more common occurrence between you two (even more than usual) when you’re a shut in.

Yan! Geto who buys a cat maid dress. Need I say more?

Yan! Geto who’s very clingy and affectionate with you!

Yan! Geto who sleeps in with you everyday

Yan! Geto who borrows your clothes a lot

Yan! Geto who peppers you in kisses all over your face, every morning. Please forgive him, he just thinks you look so beautiful.

Yan! Geto who likes that you’re a shut in, honestly

[1whore1gang]

Post MW3 Drabble:

Implied Soap x Reader, Platonic! TF141 x Reader, Potential Ghost x Reader if you squint. (made for f!reader)

SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVENT PLAYED THE GAME

enjoy :)

CW: causing,mentions of death, mental health, grief

It was hard for all of you when it happened. It was so quick, yet everything moved in slow motion as his body hit the ground.

The moment still haunts all of your dreams, replaying over and over in your minds.

It was the worst for you. It took weeks before you stopped crying as soon as you woke up. You’d gotten so used to rolling over and snuggling into Johnny every morning. He was your sunshine.

The first few nights were the worst, staring at the indent in the bed where he’d laid not even a week ago. You didn’t dare touch it, wanting to preserve him in a weird way.

You couldn’t even shower without breaking down. Johnny would always come sit on the sink and talk to you while you showered. It felt so empty without him.

Everything felt empty. Brushing your teeth without his arms wrapping around you. Making food and only making enough for you. Going to bree coffee and accidentally grabbing his mug with yours.

Nothing felt right, and you couldn’t bear it. Luckily you weren’t grieving alone. Simon was struggling just as bad as you were. Johnny was like a brother to him.

Many night the two of you sat in silence in the common area. No words are exchanged most of the time, you both just needed company.

The team all made sure to try to do little things for you. They bought you flowers, took you out for lunches. Price did whatever he could to attempt to keep you from spiraling. He even offered to let you give him a haircut, knowing you’d always make fun of him for how scruffy he was.

Gaz would make you sweets or help with chores around base. He would take you on walks or take you with on errands just so you wouldn’t be alone.

No matter what though, you still had this void in your life. You felt like a piece of you drifted away on that cliff with his ashes. It felt like you had watched your life dissipate into the wind.

He took a part of you with him, and you were afraid you’d never get it back.

You’d spend countless nights looking at old photos, reading old love notes he wrote you. You’d watch videos of him just to keep his voice fresh in your memory.

The only thing you were beginning to forget was his touch. The way his hands would ignite sparks at the slightest graze was slowly leaving you. The gentleness of his grasp was slipping away.

You missed him so bad, and it was beginning to become unbearable.

You were awake one night a couple of days after his death, lost in a rabbit hole of pictures and videos. It was nearly 3 AM, but you didn’t notice nor dare. A knock hit your door, and it creaked open to reveal Simon.

“Hey Johnny have you seen my-“ He looked up at you and realized his mistake. “I’m sorry Y/N…”

It took you a second to collect yourself but you smiled at him. “Hi Simon. Are you okay?” You watched as he began to slightly tear up. Simon wasn’t a cryer, but Soap’s death has broke him to his core.

“I miss him.” He said, his voice breaking your own heart. You looked down for a second, deciding if you were ready.

“Need a friend?” You said as you patted the side of the bed where Johnny used to sleep. Simon nodded but paused.

“Are you sure?” He said, cautious.

“Mhm. It feels too empty in here. It’s too quiet.” Simon nodded again as he removed his mask and sat next to you.

You both sat and reminisced on Johnny’s life. Sharing memories and laughs, you both began to feel better.

“I’m gonna try to get some rest. Just wake me if you need anything okay?” You began to lay down, feeling the bed shift as Simon rolled over with a ‘Goodnight.’

You felt the mattress dip and it’s like your body went into shock. That feeling was all to familiar and your brain was screaming at you to turn over and look for Johnny.

Sniffles began to sound out of you at the feeling and the memories it brought to your mind. Maybe you weren’t ready after all.

“Hey, are you okay?” You felt Simon place his hand on you gently.

“I don’t know.” You sobbed out, not strong enough to look at him.

“Do me a favor, roll over.” He helped you move onto your opposite side to face him. “Trust me?” You nodded and he pulled you into his chest as he held you, brushing his fingers through your hair and quietly shushing you. “I know how bad it hurts and I’m so sorry.”

From that night forward, Simon spent almost every night in your room, just so you both could actually get some sleep. The comfort of having someone there brought you both peace.

Weeks had gone by and you realized something was off with yourself. You woke up and looked at the day and panicked.

You were a week late.

You sneakily ran down to the store a block away and bought a pregnancy test, or two, or three.

Running back to your room unseen, you were quick to unwrap them and take them.

Minutes passed that felt like hours when your timer went off. You flipped each one over, looking at the results.

Positive

Positive

Positive

“Shit!” You yelled, your hands flying to your hair. As soon as the word left your mouth, you heard your door open and Simon enter. “Y/N?? You here? We missed you at training.”

You walked out of your bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind you and standing in front of it. “Are you okay? You look pale.” Simon walked up to you and placed his hands on your face to feel for a fever.

“Yeah I’m fine, I woke up late.”

“No, something’s wrong. Your eyes widened when something’s wrong and your pupils are dilated. Your breathing is elevated too.” How the fuck does he know that?!

“Just panicked about the fact I woke up late.” You shrugged it off, unmoving.

“What’s in the bathroom Y/N?” His voice drew serious. He wasn’t asking, he was telling you to move.

“Nasty stuff really, that time of the month ya know?” He didn’t believe you.

“Let me see. Nothing I haven’t seen before. In fact, I’ve seen worse.” What the fuck? “Please move.”

You swallowed HARD. “I don’t want you to see it though.”

“Y/N. Move. I know better than that. I’m not stupid. Let me see the bathroom.”

It took a lot of arguing before you stepped aside. Simon walked past you and his eyes laid on the tests. “You’re pregnant? This is what you were hiding?”

He turned to you. “Yeah…I don’t know how far along I am.” Simon nodded and chewed on his lip for a moment in thought.

“Johnny’s?”

Although it wasn’t a question, it was more of a statement, it hung heavy in the air. “Yeah, Johnny.”

Simon audibly swallowed as he continued to stare at the positive text on each one. He hasn’t moved hardly past the doorframe, hand still on the knob.

“I’ll help you.”

“Huh?” His words hadn’t registered in your mind yet.

“This is going to be okay. I’ll help you.” Simon turned to you and grabbed your hands, squeezing them. “You’re going to be okay.”

And you were. Simon helped you. You both went to appointments and began to buy things little by little. Simon even applied for housing so you didn’t have to do this in the barracks.

6 months in and it turned out everything was going to be okay.

[topconfessions]

They are spreading that he took the role in Squid Game cuz he's broke (listen, he might spend a lot but dude's not starving or full of debt like they be implying) and wants his fame back so bad that he offered to work for free (which he didn't lmao he got paid well for 6 episodes out of 7), that he went to jail for the weed thing, that he didn't get a script for Squid Game (which started as a fandom joke amongst TOP fans but these dumbasses took it as absolute truth and ran with it)...Essentially they are projecting Thanos backstory into the real guy, which is not cool.

(They are also making sad sob edits of that video of him leaving the hospital and being hounded by reporters after his attempt)

Girl.....what the FUCK

I don't even know what to say.....

But tbh, don't hate me but aside from the weed jail thing (which is total BS and wrong! Seo hee did the jail time not top!) Needing money is plausible. Needing his fame back is messy. He was established in the art industry for a while but also..

THIS IS WHAT WE MEANT BY NOT WANTING TOP TO GET TOP INVOLVED AND OBSESSED OVER THE SPACE X PROJECT! He had his heart set on that trip to space (that seemed illogical and unrealistic as hell anyway) and was so convinced he was going to the moon with other losers (minus steven aoki, cause aoki is never a loser) that he became narrow minded about it. To the point where that's ALL he talked about and focused on.

He was given a lot of promises and verbal confirmations but nothing concrete. Squid Game really saved his ass to be honest. Idc who I offend with saying this.... but had he never gotten that show, he would've been SOL and had egg on his face even more than he already did when it was announced space x wasnt happening.

Tbh I'm going to chalk all these rumors and draggings of him up to that. He fucked himself over by not actually behaving like an adult and balancing his interest / hopes out for that project with the wine business, music, or art. Anything else. I don't even remember the last time he had that much passion for music. Last time I personally remember him being so passionate about something was the Tazza movie when he was basically professing he was going to be an actor and we all expected him to leave big bang right then.

He didn't stick it out like everyone projected and it slowly fizzeled out. He's not consistent and tends to get obsessed over one interest in an extreme manner, ignoring and negelecting his other talents and responsibilities. I hate this for him cause when he applies himself he can be really productive and make great music. Great stuff in general.

This is why I always theorized along with a few others back in the day that he was on the spectrum like high functioning. But thats out of the window. He just does this on purpose I believe. Idk.

The newbies need to stop stiring the pot and starting drama but the woe is me edits is overboard. Top came out of the hospital after he supposedly had a melt down after the whole seo hee ordeal and his rep / image going down the toliet. He had some past rumored mental health issues but thats just general shit. A lot of idols have had it worse than him and pulled themselves together better.

Long story short - I don't think he should've taken this project and he's elevated the show for better and worse. Because of the timeline, his lack of steady and structured employment / projects, him lacking a solid respectable image with neing productive at something (the wine is whatever, lets be honest) and the very slapped together details of the role, its prompted people to treat him this way. Top and his fans need to understand that you represent the integrity and legitimacy of a role and show when you sign on for it. Him being okay with this role and the way it is, as well as the vague way he got the role just makes it all weird tbh.

The director thinks the public are idiots if he really going to say he wrote this character on his own will but its screaming top inside & out. Like just take it on the chin and say I wanted him in the show so I allowed to come and be himself. Simple.

[aussietummytickler]

To this day, I still struggle talking about when I have bad mental health days. My mind thinks that people will view me as lesser. As someone who cannot be relied upon in others low moments. As someone who can't be strong enough to support others because of those moments I have. It's a big reason why I just don't ever talk about it. Hell, I'm posting here because I am terrified about being open about this on my FB where all my irl friends can see this. Though these moments have thankfully become fewer and far between now, more than they used to be, they still happen. But despite that, I want to be someone people can lean on when they need someone. I want to continue being a rock for others. To help them. But I also fear that if I allow myself to be as open with them as they are with me, things will be different for me. I was once told by someone I once loved, that they couldn't be with me because "they needed someone stronger". That was nearly 6 years ago, and it still fucks me up, because now I worry that I cannot ever show true vulnerability again, because if I do, and especially if it's with someone I love, I can never truly be open about it, for fear that they cannot rely on me anymore. That they can't lean on me anymore. It has completely debilitated me to the point where I simply just deal with these moments by myself, and learn how to cope when those moments do happen. By throwing myself into music, listening to records, playing video games. Doing anything I can to help myself without ever exposing that side of myself to others. I was made to feel unlovable, because I struggle sometimes too. I tried to commit endgame twice when I was 15/16. I thought I'd been through the worst of it then. That things were getting better. But something about those words that were said to me... Words that can never leave my brain, because of how much they pierced through my heart. Words matter. How you say things, matters. Don't end up like me. Don't be afraid to open up to others. It will help you, and your honesty and openness will show others how genuine you are, how authentically human you are.

I just wish I could extend the same advice to myself.

[basim-ibnishaq]

A (not complete) List of Soft Xinamiguel Headcanons:

(the basis for a lot of these is that they reconcile and rebuild their friendship and eventually get back together, xina knows miguel is spiderman but he doesn't know she's found out yet - she understands why he keeps it a secret through, no drama here!) shoutout to @xinakwans for developing most of these with me <3

miguel rather quickly realises he needs out of babylon towers, the place is too connected to bad memories and just doesn't suit the person he is now so he stays at xina's place on her couch whilst he's looking for his own place - he never ends up leaving

over time miguel's belongings start to make their way into more and more of xina's apartment until it goes from her place to their place

gabriel has a key and is often found sat on their couch watching tv in the morning because now he just kind of exists there too and they don't actually mind him hanging out (most of the time!)

their home becomes somewhere that radiates warm and comfort and is so so full of love, something miguel (and gabriel) never got to have until now

they love to do twencen dates and go on a date to a roller rink because xina absolutely loves it, miguel is shockingly bad at it which is hilarious because he's spiderman he should be able to stay upright on rollerskates for shock sake! xina has to hold his hand to help him and honestly that's just fine by him

miguel often leaves in the early hours of the morning to swing around the city and clear his head, particularly on days where his mental health is bad. xina begins to notice and figures out where he's going so if she's ever woken up by him leaving she'll grab a blanket and sit by the window watching over the city and catching a glimpse of him every now and then

it is a real relief for her to know that he has something he do to get him out of a bad headspace because she knows he can still struggle to be completely honest when he's having a difficult time

she always makes sure she's back in bed when he returns and holds him extra close to show him she's here for him

gabriel is basically xina's little brother too now, they absolutely adore each other and love to play video games for hours and hours

both her and gabriel now have someone to confide in, especially their worries about miguel being spiderman because mig doesn't know xina knows yet but gabriel does so they can always go to the other to soothe their worries about him

they don't hold hands all that often (bar their roller rink date haksjsksk) because miguel is constantly worried he'll hurt her accidentally with his talons, she's never worried about it but it's a big barrier for miguel

they absolutely trust each other with their lives

they're each others favourite person and it's so obvious because they're always looking at each other with the biggest heart eyes

miguel loves to collect twencen things for xina, literally anything he finds that he thinks she might like goes on the "for xina" pile he's gathering

xina loves getting twencen lego sets but it's miguel's job to build them. he loves making them and can sit for hours and hours concentrating on one

the gumball machine he gifted her is one of her most prized possessions

miguel is the number 1 xina fan, he can and will talk endlessly about how amazing she is and how much he loves her

she's unbelievably proud of the progress he's making in opening up and starting to be kinder to himself

her worries of him ending up in a dark place and hurting himself eases day by day as she sees him becoming happier and more relaxed and shedding the apathy he's been using to protect himself with for years as well as the self hatred that's been drowning him for a long time

they both have days where they struggle still, but they both know exactly how best to help the other and they will literally drop everything to make sure they're there for each other

they really miss each other when one of them is out of town - they'll call as much as they can just to chat about anything at all

simply spending time with each other is enough for them and it makes them so happy just hanging out

they are soulmates in both a platonic and romantic sense

they frequently have twencen movie marathons, the horror ones are their favourites and they'll often fall sleep on the couch together part way through

miguel loves watching xina tinker with gadgets and anything else she takes an interest in, he gets so much joy from seeing her in her element

they love to take a long drive out of the city and stargaze together, it just gives them time to be close and just breathe outside of the city and their responsibilities

[tagsecretsanta]

From @alexthefly

From @alexthefly to @gaviiadastra

FUN AND GAMES NIGHT

The prompts:

A Tracy Island games night;

Something’s cooking in the kitchen;

Put the mess in domestic.

Rating: teen

Content warnings:

Moderate whump (fracture, soft tissue injuries);

Alcohol throughout (no drunkenness);

Flirting, including innuendo and one sex mention;

One instance of swearing.

Other warnings: a bit of Pen & Ink included in this one; hope that's ok.

**********

A familiar combination of thrusters, VTOL and a slightly-delayed sonic boom signalled Thunderbird One's return to the island. Gordon immediately felt his heart-rate leap a hundred beats.

“They’re here! Action stations! Alan, fluff the cushions; Virgil, get the food; Kayo…”

Whatever task Gordon had been about to assign to her fizzled away in a blaze of epic side-eye.

“...just kick back and relax, ok? No biggie.”

He backed away a few steps just to be safe, but his sister seemed satisfied, pointedly putting her feet back up on the coffee table before returning to her romance book. 

Any other day the temptation to comment on her choice of reading material would be far too much to bear, however hazardous to his health such a comment might be, but today he had other things occupying his mind.

“What can I do?” asked John, making to get up just as Virgil - already on his feet - pushed him firmly back down onto the sofa.

“You can stay right there, Mister,” he said, voice full-medic stern. “You know the rules. First night down from Five means no unnecessary moving around.”

John rolled his eyes and muttered something in Russian, but thankfully stayed where he was. 

Gordon flashed the big man a grateful smile on his way past to the kitchen. The last thing he needed right now was a certified space-case causing a danger to himself and others.

Not tonight.

“Shall I get some tunes ready?” Alan had already pulled his tablet out from behind a pillow and started tapping. “I’ve got a great playlist I’ve been working o-”

“Is it video game music?” asked Kayo, not even looking up.

“Yeah?”

“No!” The chorus was unanimous.

“Aww, but it’s not like normal video games. It’s this really cool mix of techno and-”

“NO!”

Alan pouted. “Oh, so I guess you'd all rather listen to Fish-boy’s sea shanties and Europop?”

“Hey!”

Gordon was all ready to defend his frankly impeccable musical taste, but John was clearly not in a mood for bickering.

“EOS, could you put on playlist P3 please?”

“Of course John.”

And with that the room was filled with gentle contemporary music - upbeat but not too raucous, neither intrusive nor dull - ideal for an evening with company. Obviously it was no Wellerman, but it wasn’t half bad. 

“Would you like some ambient lighting as well?”

“Not right now, thankyou EOS” replied John, ruffling Alan’s hair as he sat back down with a huff. “Is everything okay up there? Any calls? I could dial in if you need me?”

“Absolutely not,” said Kayo, an edge of menace in her voice. “You’re staying right where you are. Grandma’s orders.”

John scowled.

“Really John, there’s no need,” continued EOS. “I’m perfectly capable of handling things for one evening.”

Gordon noted the slight drop of his big brother’s shoulders but decided not to tug on that thread just now. Gravity always did a number on John the first night down, and it had been known to make him grumpy and homesick.

Virgil wandered back in carrying a big bucket filled with ice water, bottles of beer, prosecco, and cans of soda. With every step another puddle of ice water sloshed over the side and onto the floor.

“Allie, get a cloth would you? And could someone get some glasses out please? I’m kinda weighed down here.”

Kayo and Alan each grabbed one of John’s shoulders, using them to both pin him down and haul themselves up. The older man started to object, but was distracted by a ping on Alan’s tablet beside him.

“Scott’s on his way up now.”

Oh god oh god oh god. 

Gordon had the sudden and inexplicable urge to dunk his head in the bucket Virgil had just set down, but instead decided to busy himself with robustly re-plumping the chair pillows while bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.

“So everything’s ready, right? Place is tidy, drinks are out, games are stacked, food’s in hand… Are we all set? Should I open a window? It’s kinda hot in here.” Am I sweating? “Maybe I should go change-”

“Breathe Gordon.” soothed Virgil, resting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. The weight of it felt good. Calming. “This isn’t a state dinner; just a normal games night like we’ve done a thousand times before. Nothing to get worked up about.”

Gordon scoffed. “Except it’s not though, is it? ‘Cos those other times it was just us, not-”

There was a ding and the elevator doors slid open.

“Right through here Lady Penelope.” Scott Tracy, suave as always, smoothly waved their guest into the room. “Go ahead and make yourself comfortable and we’ll get started.”

“Thankyou Scott. And sorry again that you had to come and collect me…”

And there she was. Penelope.

Perfection personified. The epitome of class and grace. A beautiful angel with a heart of gold and a spine of steel, whose voice was a song and whose smile could reduce whole armies to-

“Gordon, what on earth are you doing to that cushion?”

Huh?

He looked down at his hands to see the pillow he’d been fluffing, now scrunched and twisted over and over as if he were trying to throttle the poor thing. As he stared down trying to compute the mess of fabric and stuffing it suddenly disappeared from his hands, and then something was shoving him in the back, causing him to stumble forwards over his own feet. He recovered just in time to spot Virgil throwing the battered scatter cushion back behind the sofa, grinning from ear to ear.

Oh, there will be vengeance…

Right now though she was looking at him and oh god he needed to say something.

“Uh…”

Quick as you like, Tracy.

“Er…” His throat made a strange sort of rasping sound.

Any words will do!

“Lady Penelope!” he squeaked. “Welcome in! Come here! I mean come in. Welcome here. You’re welcome here. To our home I mean. This home. Where we…”

He glanced over and caught sight of Kayo, face in hand, shaking her head behind the temporary bar they’d set up for the evening.

“Drink!” he exclaimed, just a little too loudly. “Can I… Would you like a drink?”

The small, knowing smile she gave him was all at once thrilling and completely mortifying; a glorious little needle of light straight through his poor, mortal little heart.

“That would be wonderful. Thankyou Gordon.”

Cheeks burning, he slumped off to the bar and a consolatory shoulder nudge from Kayo while Scott showed Penelope to the seating area. Virgil scooted around them and disappeared back down to the kitchen, throwing him a sympathetic look on the way.

After getting their guest settled, Scott casually folded himself down on the sofa next to her. “So how come Parker didn’t join us tonight? He was more than welcome.”

Gordon loudly shovelled a scoopful of ice into a long glass and then reached for the schnapps.

Stupid Never-flustered Always-has-the-right-words Scott Tracy…

“He wasn’t feeling too good I’m afraid. He said something about Lilian’s casserole disagreeing with him, but to be honest I suspect it was probably more to do with the FA cup final showing on BBC.”

Cranberry, orange wedge…

Kayo cleared her throat softly. “So what drink was it you wanted, Lady Penelope?”

Gordon’s brain short-circuited, vodka in hand. 

What.. drink?

He replayed the conversation - such as it had been - through again in his head.

…Dammit, he forgot to ask! He’d been so flummoxed he’d ended up mixing on autopilot.

“Oh, anything really. Whatever you’re all having.” Penelope looked over curiously. “What’s that you have there, Gordon?”

Aww hell.

“It’s a… umm… Sex on the Beach.”

Now it was John’s turn to facepalm while Alan snickered from behind his tablet. Even Scott snorted before passing it off with a hasty clear of the throat. 

Lady Penelope, however, held Gordon’s gaze, expression inscrutable, then ever so slowly arched one perfectly coiffured eyebrow.

“Well, that sounds interesting. But perhaps just some wine for now and we’ll see how we get on.”

There was a squeak beside him, and Kayo ducked down behind the bar giggling. Alan snort-coughed and had to be hit on the back by John, who was at least trying - somewhat painfully - to keep a straight face. Scott just grinned at him.

Gordon stood there, stunned into inertia, though he wasn’t quite sure if it was his own mortification holding him back or the slight hint of mischief in Penelope’s eye, almost as if…

Nope, he was definitely imagining it.

Scott looked from one to the other for a moment then, chuckling to himself, jumped to his feet and strode over to the bar.

“C’mon Fish,” he said quietly, grabbing a champagne flute off the bar top and flashing his best, most reassuring, big brother smile. “Let’s go choose a game and get this thing started.”

Gordon nodded, dumbfounded. He grabbed his ridiculous but perfectly mixed drink, complete with little novelty umbrella, and trudged over to the seating area.

Alan was already giving the assembled group a run-down of the various choices lined up for the evening. “We’ve got all your classics like backgammon, chess, battleships, guess who…”

“Those are all for two people, Allie,” said Scott, grabbing himself a beer and pouring Penelope her wine. “How about something we can all play?”

“Clue then?”

“That needs six. We’ve got seven.”

“I don’t mind sitting out the first round if you need me to,” Penelope said gently, accepting her drink.

“Not a chance,” said John firmly. “You’re our guest.”

Alan looked around, confused. “Wait, who’s the seventh?” 

Kayo passed him a soda from the bucket. 

“Uh, Virgil(?)”

“Oh yeah.”

““Oh yeah” he says,” came Virgil’s voice over the ‘comms. “How soon I’m forgotten(!)”

“Sorry Virg!” Alan slurped his soda loudly, earning him a frown from both Scott and Gordon. “Guess I’m just too hungry to think. Where’s the food at?”

“It’s coming. Just waiting for the vol-au-vents to puff up.”

Alan nearly spat out his soda. 

“Vol-au-vents?! What happened to our wings and chi- Oww!” 

A pillow flew across the room and caught Alan right upside the head. He got back up and glared at Gordon, who was already gearing up for another throw. 

“Whatcha do that for?”

Penelope looked from one to the other, realisation dawning. 

“I do hope you didn’t go to any trouble, Virgil. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Not at all. Really, it’s all in hand. I’ll be up in a few.” 

And with that the comms blinked off.

John swayed forward in his seat. “Y’know, I might go give him a hand…”

“Sit down, John!” ordered Scott, clearly done with them all by this point.

John remained there for a second, possibly weighing up the odds of making a run for it, then sat back down, arms folded definitely-not-at-all petulantly. 

“...Fine.”

“What about Monopoly?” suggested Penelope, clearly trying to change the subject. “That can have up to eight players.”

Kayo shook her head. 

“Can’t.”

“Oh?”

“We’ve been banned,” Alan piped up. “Grandma said so.”

A pause. “...I see.”

“Well that doesn’t matter, does it?” urged Gordon, keen to get everyone playing before the whole evening went up in smoke. “Grandma can’t stop us from all the way in Gran Roca.”

“You sure about that, Gords?” asked Kayo, eyebrow raised.

He laughed nervously. “Heh…”

“In any case,” interjected Scott, “did you forget why Grandma banned it?”

“...Good point.”

The Great Tracy Anti-capitalist Revolution of 2056. In Gordon’s defence Scott had started it, buying up all those hotels like a dragon hoarding gold…

Alan held up a bunch of VR headsets. “How about something more modern? I’ve got Samurai Slasher, Twilight Ridge, Malibu Steade’s Epic Quest…?”

Scott frowned. “Not on John's first night down, Squirt.”

“Oh yeah. Gotcha.”

Gordon nodded. Way too much potential for injury.

“Ugh!” John threw his hands in the air. “You guys are like a flock of mother hens. I’m fine! Look…” He rolled to his feet before anybody could tell him not to. “Nice and steady. No wobbles, no stumbles. Nothing. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to the bathroom.”

“Uh, Johnny…”

“John darling...”

“Nope, I’m not listening,” he barked, striding purposely out of the seating area towards the stairwell, “Comfort breaks are necessary, so I don't care what you s-”

“John!”

“Food’s here!”

“Look out!”

There was an “oof” and a crash as spaceman, heavy-lifter and a platter of freshly-made vol-au-vents collided in a mess of limbs and pastry before tumbling out of sight down the kitchen stairs.

“John!”

“Virgil!”

Everyone was on their feet as a series of thuds, grunts, clatters and clangs echoed from the stairway, followed by one very plaintive “Oww.”

The place immediately erupted into total uproar. Ever the level head, Kayo immediately ran to get the first aid kit and the medi-scanner. Meanwhile Scott - always the quickest to leap into action - practically flew down the stairs after the pair of them in a frenzy of big brotherly concern, with Alan, Gordon and Penelope following closely behind. 

The two fallers themselves were actually relatively uninjured in the circumstances. Both were a mess of bruises and grazes and smooshed pastry, but at least they were fully conscious and coherent enough to be thoroughly embarrassed by the whole thing. John had twisted his ankle and had a walnut-sized bump on his forehead, and Virgil (who had slid most of the way down the steps backwards) ended up with a bruised tailbone, strained shoulder and one broken finger.  

The kitchen, unfortunately, hadn’t fared quite so well. Total disaster was the most accurate description. 

Best they could figure, the metal serving platter Virgil had been carrying had reached the ground floor airborne, bounced off the doorframe and had landed right in the middle of the countertop, sending plates, bowls, jars and spoons scattering and smashing all over the place. The situation wasn’t helped any when MAX, having heard the commotion, came speeding into the kitchen brandishing a mop and broom, skidded on a stray patch of vol-au-vent filling, slammed into the fridge and sent ice cubes from the dispenser shooting across the floor, then got confused and started spinning on the spot, taking out the stand mixer and two cupboard doors in the process.

Eventually they managed to get things back on a somewhat even keel. After a thorough checking over and an even more thorough mothering from Big Bro, both casualties were helped to their feet and safely installed back on the sofas with strict instructions not. To. Move. 

Penelope kept herself busy fetching drinks and ice packs for the patients and generally trying to soothe frayed nerves while Gordon, Alan and Kayo set to work fixing the kitchen back up, but after twenty minutes Scott - aware of the time and the presence of their guest - called everyone back to try to enjoy what was left of the evening.

And so instead of vol-au-vents, chips and dips were retrieved from various stashes in various rooms, drinks were replenished (non-alcoholic for the two injured parties, eliciting low grumbles from one and shrug of “stupid gravity” from the other) and in lieu of further disagreements a couple of packs of cards was produced. 

The rest of the evening was spent enjoying rounds of Go Fish, rummy, and playing poker for bottle caps, with plenty of jokes, stories and good conversation enjoyed in-between. Towards the end of the night - and to Gordon’s delight - Penelope even taught them a game from her university days called Shithead.

Finally, after most of the others had said their goodnights and wandered off to their rooms, Gordon and Penelope sat side-by-side on the sofa finishing their drinks alone, save for Alan who was snoring softly on the floor beside them.

Penelope swirled the last of her drink with her straw. “Do you think we should move him? That doesn’t look very comfortable…”

Gordon shrugged. “Nah, that’s how he normally sleeps. It’s a teenager thing,” he added, chewing on his orange slice garnish.

Penelope beamed. “I really have had a lovely time tonight. It’s been the most terrific fun, injuries notwithstanding of course.” 

Her eyes seemed to sparkle in the warm mood lighting that EOS had finally persuaded John to put on an hour or so earlier.

“And this drink of yours really is delicious by the way.”

Gordon laughed.

“See? I knew you’d like it. Maybe one day I’ll open up a bar of my own right on the beach and serve them out of coconut shells.”

He removed the little paper umbrella from his glass and started opening and closing it like he was in a tiny Hollywood musical.

She laughed. “Well if tonight’s anything to go by, any bar of yours would never be dull!”

Gordon grinned and presented the tiny decoration to her with a flourish, all hint of his earlier embarrassment gone. He was here, she was here, and it was all just… right.

She accepted it with a smile.

Really though Gordon, it’s been the most wonderful night.” 

There was a pause while she twirled the umbrella in her hand thoughtfully.

“You know, it’s not always easy to relax around other people, especially in my line of work.” She sighed. “So many functions, so many people, but it can all sometimes feel just a little bit…” 

She shook her head. 

“I’m not making any sense. It’s just that being here with you all, everything feels so… easy; so fun.”

Gordon leaned forwards, willing her to go on. It was like a wall somewhere was shifting, and he could finally catch a small glimpse of what was actually going on behind that perfect smile of hers.

She looked up at him, eyes shining.

“I suppose what I’m trying to say is, thankyou so much for inviting me.”

A breath. A moment that seemed to stretch out between them, soft and fragile.

“Thankyou for coming.”

-------------------

The next morning, as Penny yawned and stretched out in the extra-soft, gloriously comfortable guest bed, luxuriating in the distinct novelty of waking up with nowhere particular she needed to be, her eye fell on the little yellow umbrella laying, just as she'd left it, on top of the nightstand beside her.

She smiled, her stomach fluttering.

So fun…

From downstairs there was a sudden commotion and a voice:

“WHAT IN GOD’S NAME HAVE YOU KIDS DONE TO MY KITCHEN?!”

[selunesdreams]

Eating Crow

Chapter 2: Gems of Antiva

“I haven’t had a cup of Andoral’s Breath since before the Venatori stuck a demon in me.” Lucanis’ smile was wasted on Illario, whose eyes remained fixed on Rook as he pulled out a chair for her. She lowered herself cautiously, as if it could be snatched away from under her at any moment.  “You see, Fiamma? My cousin is all stomach and no heart.” His words were syrupy as he took his place across from her, but there was something very, very threatening in his gaze.  “Rook.” Lucanis corrected politely. “She goes by Rook now.”  Illario’s eyes narrowed. “I heard. You would really abandon your namesake? Your father’s legacy?”  “I don’t need a name nor reputation that precedes me in this fight.” Her voice remained plain and unaffected as she replied. “I earned Rook, it wasn’t bestowed onto me like some curse. I’ll return to Fiammetta once it suits me again, if it ever does.”  “Well, then you won’t mind me continuing to address you by the name your father called you by? I would prefer to honor the Flame of Treviso, not cause him to roll in his grave any more than he already has.” “One has to have a body in order to roll in a grave, Illario.”

Pairing: Lucanis x Fem Rook/OFC x sometimes Spite??

Summary: Rook gets out her rock collection and reminisces about her dead mom. Illario wants to meet, and Lucanis finally gets that cup of Antivan coffee. This chapter covers the quest "Coffee with the Crows". No major warnings, just dead parents and Illario being…Illario. You know, the lighthearted stuff. Link to Chapter 1

Word Count: 3.4k

Things of note: 18+ fic, MDNI! Rook is Fem, human, mage, Antivan Crow. I like writing storylines and tension, but there will be smut! I don't know how the tags/warnings will evolve, but it's reasonable to expect some messy Spite consent stuff? Please read on AO3 if you need to track warnings, they will be inevitably detailed better there (or just want to be real sweet and give me hits/kudos/comments).

Dante De Riva’s advice to his young daughter had always been a bit cryptic. The “Little Flame of Treviso”, he had called Fiamma. He came to regret his advice when his daughter became so good at hiding that neither he nor his wife, both assassins trained to find people, could not find her. 

No child of an Antivan Crow grew up with the luxury safety. So parents created rituals, games, protocols - all conceived to keep children prepared for the worst. Fiamma hadn’t faced real danger. Not really. But today, for the first time since she’d been chased through the streets of Treviso by an angry rooster from the market, Fiamma was scared. And so she did what her father trained her to do, and she kept out of sight. 

Because today was her mother’s funeral. 

Gemma De Riva, “The Gem of Antiva”, lived a brief life. Twenty-eight years, to be exact. When assassins died young, it was typically a contract that took them out. Fiamma didn’t know what a contract was, but she knew when her parents accepted one, because they would be gone for days, sometimes weeks. Usually one at a time, but every once in a while, they’d go together, and auntie Viama and cousin Viago would come over, or she’d stay with the Cantoris down the street. 

Crows always came home to roost, but when they didn’t, contracts were to blame. Fiamma always believed contracts were the only bad thing that could happen to a Crow. Until her mother. 

For weeks, Gemma’s health declined. It started with fatigue. She sequestered herself away for a couple of days, claiming she just needed to rest. Days later, her eyes were bloodshot, and her olive skin grew clammy and pale. When her mother couldn’t leave bed, Fiamma joined her, and Gemma would read aloud to her, pausing occasionally to cough into a blood-speckled handkerchief. That was usually about the time when her father would send Fiamma to play alone in her room. 

And then mama was gone. Peeking from behind corners in the hallway, she and Viago would listen to their parents whispering about poison - something Viago explained to her like a sickness you give someone on purpose. But it would be okay now, Viago assured her, because now they could all move in together and make a new family. His father was a king, but didn’t talk to him, because he was a bastard (Viago couldn’t tell her what that meant), and he had half-siblings, but he’d never met them. But Dante and Fiamma could be his new family, he’d told her, trying to help her see the bright side. 

And Fiamma loved Viago, she really did, but how could he and auntie Viama possibly replace mama?

Hiding out in the back room of the cathedral during the funeral, Fiamma lined up colored rocks in a row. A green one for Viago, a red one for daddy, gray for auntie Viama, and a purple one for her. She pulled the pink ribbon from her hair and set it off to the side to represent the Cantoris. Teia couldn’t talk very well yet, but Fiamma had a feeling they’d be good friends someday. The stones felt off, no matter how she rearranged them. Frustrated, she swiped her hand along the floor, sending them rolling across the granite tile. 

“Are you playing marbles?” 

A boy dressed in a too-large suit stood in the doorway, his long black hair nearly reaching his shoulders. His dark eyes surveyed the room like he was looking for monsters in the shadows. 

“No, I’m making a new family.” Fiamma said, crawling on the floor to retrieve her rocks one by one. The boy crouched beside her, helping her search.

“Out of rocks?” He asked. 

“Auntie Viama wouldn’t let me bring my dolls.”

“Oh. You’re Fiammetta.” The boy frowned. “I’m sorry about your mom. My parents are dead, too.”

“My daddy is still alive. He’ll always be alive.” Fiamma said proudly. 

“Parents always die.” The boy retrieved her green rock from under a nearby statue of Andraste and dropped it in front of her. 

“That’s not true. Lots of people have parents.”

“Not Crows.” 

“No. You’re wrong.” Fiamma insisted, “I’m smarter than other six-year-olds. You can’t trick me.”

“My little cousin Illario is six and still can’t read. I believe you.” The boy said with a smirk. “So, which rock is you?” 

“The purple one.” She said, chewing on her lip. “It doesn’t seem right, though.”

He hummed in admiration. “I like the purple ones. They’re my grandma’s favorites. They’re called tourmaline. There are pink and green ones too. But here…” 

He shoved his hand in his pocket and dug out a small, iridescent stone that shimmered between his thumb and forefinger. Smooth and cube-shaped, it reflected glimmers of white, pinks, and blues back to her. 

“Take it. It’s a fire opal. You should have it for your collection. It kind of reminds me of you.”

Fiamma plucked it carefully from his hand, letting the cool rock roll around on her palm.  

“But it’s yours.” She protested, holding it out to him.

“Nah. I stole it from my grandma’s dresser.”

“You shouldn’t steal.” She said, but closed her fist around it, anyway. 

“Caterina won’t miss it. She likes it when I steal, but only from her. She says it will make me a good Crow someday.” 

“Your grandma is First Talon Caterina?” 

He nodded. 

“You’re Luca?” 

“Lucanis.” He corrected her quietly. “Nobody calls me Luca anymore. Not since my mom died.”

“Oh. Well…” Fiamma set down the opal next to the tourmaline and the red stone. “Maybe you can be the purple rock.” 

But Lucanis didn’t answer, and when she looked back up, he was gone.

─── ⊹⊱♤⊰⊹ ───

Rook woke up with a start, scanning the room. Schools of fish swam in the Fade’s illusions overhead and she exhaled slowly, closing her eyes. Solas had called this place a meditation chamber, but since her arrival here, all she’d had were nightmares. Though, with the addition of Lucanis to their team, it seemed she would no longer be haunted by visions of Varric being stabbed over and over again. Instead, just memories of dead people and rocks, apparently. 

She wasn’t sure which was worse. 

Rising from the green chaise she called a bed, she pulled a fresh pair of training leathers from her wardrobe and slipped them on. They’d become worn over the past year, the stitching slowly coming apart at the seams. Viago would call her a disgrace. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

The main hall was empty, oscillating rocks and miscellaneous objects shimmering in blood light above. On a nearby desk, a scroll tied in purple ribbon waited for her. A contract. 

She delicately pulled at the thread and uncurled the parchment. It bore only four short lines, a missive from Illario: We need to talk. Café Pietra. Nightfall. Bring Lucanis. 

Rook tossed it aside. They were fighting elven gods. What possible news could Illario of all people have that required their attention? At least he wanted his cousin to tag along - that meant this was business, not a personal call. Judging by the hourglass on the table, they had an hour to get to Treviso. 

She crossed the courtyard. Since Bellara had fixed the Eluvian and they’d cleaned the Crossroads of some of the blight, it had become more pleasant to look at. Passing through the kitchen, she knocked on the pantry door. Of all the rooms the Lighthouse had to offer, Lucanis and his demon had chosen a glorified closet to call home. A far cry from the luxuries he used to enjoy in Caterina’s estate. 

“Come in.” A voice called from within. She crossed her fingers for Lucanis, not Spite, and pushed inside. 

“You asked for time…has it been long enough?” She asked, leaning against the wall. 

“Yes, my head’s clearer.” Lucanis said, sitting cross-legged on his makeshift cot and sipping from a mug in his hands with a wince. “Though I would kill for a good cup of coffee.” 

Rook could have rolled her eyes. Growing up in Treviso would cultivate a snobbish affection for quality roasts in anyone, but Lucanis’ standards were, at best, unreasonable. Maybe his habits were endearing to the others, but she’d lived in the same home as him before. He wasn’t exaggerating: there was a good chance he would kill to satisfy his caffeine craving, if he hadn’t already. 

“You’re in luck, then. Illario requested a meeting in Treviso. Tonight. With both of us.” 

“You don’t seem thrilled. Not exchanging love letters with my cousin anymore, I presume?”

She shoved off from her place on the wall, standing over him as he swirled the grounds in the bottom of his cup, unphased. 

“I might have been your subordinate in the Crows, and yes, you had the pleasure of seeing me at my most humiliated. But within these walls - in this contract - we are equals, and you will treat me with the respect I’ve earned.” Rook snarled. 

Lucanis sat his mug down on the floor and stood, holding out his hands in a peaceful gesture. He bowed - genuinely, not mocking her - bending slightly at the waist. 

“My apologies. I meant no disrespect.”

Despite being nearly the same height as her when he rose, he had the imposing presence of someone a full foot taller than Rook. Perhaps it was just that she had a rough tally in her mind of the people he’d killed. She sighed, slumping against the wall behind her and letting her head fall back. 

“No, I’m sorry. I haven’t been sleeping. I’m on edge.” 

“I can empathize. Spite is stronger when I’m asleep. So I try not to do it much.” He stepped past her, holding the door open. “Let’s go find Illario. There will be time to chat on the way.”

They returned to the main chamber of the Lighthouse and descended the staircase to the Eluvian. 

“You’ve got questions. You might as well ask them.” Lucanis said, breaking the silence that Rook had grown pleasantly comfortable with. His voice echoed in the nothingness surrounding the bridge to the mirror. 

“I have a few. We’ll start with the obvious: how did the Venatori manage to capture the Demon of Vyrantium?”

“Someone set me up. I had a contract for Calivan. I took a ship from Treviso to Minrathous, and the Venatori were waiting for me when I arrived. I don’t know how they convinced the Crows I was dead, but I woke up in the Ossuary with Zara gloating about it.” 

He stepped through the Eluvian, moving seamlessly once his feet landed in Treviso without interruption. As if it were the most natural thing in Thedas. Rook had been using the Eluvians for days and still felt dizzy every time she exited one. 

“Illario wants to meet at Café Pietra at nightfall.” She said, glancing at the sky. “I have no desire to get there early, so we have a little time to kill.” 

“Good. I need a few things from the market.”

Rook groaned, but didn’t object. The man had just spent a whole year in an underwater prison. Who was she to decide whether he should go grocery shopping? 

She followed him from vendor to vendor, watching him cross items off a crumpled list he’d stowed in his pocket - a spearmint plant for Harding, fresh fruit for Neve, ingredients for a Dalish seafood dish Bellara wanted to make. Gifts for all of his companions, except her and Varric. Typical of him to overlook her, but it was fine. She was used to it by now, and Varric hated gifts anyway. 

“Is that everything on your list?”

“Should be. Let’s get to the café.”

“So,” Rook said, stooping to drop a few coins in a beggar’s dish as they exited the market, “I know Caterina volunteered you to work with us. Are you okay with that?”

Lucanis chuckled. “Did Viago ever consult with you before sending you out on a contract?”

Rook snorted. “No.”

He paused as they crossed over a bridge, watching the streetlamps reflect over the dark waters below. He took a deep inhale through his nose, closing his eyes and wrapping his fingers around the railing. It was beautiful - her favorite view of the city - so she let him enjoy the moment in silence. It was the kind of thing that might keep a person sane through a year of torture - the promise of return. The desire to protect. 

“It’s good to be home, no?” 

She flexed her hands at her sides. “It’s fine.” 

“Fine?” He opened his eyes and gave her a puzzled look, as if he’d never heard anyone describe Treviso anything short of breathtaking. “You didn’t miss home while you were away?”

“I left of my own volition after becoming a local disgrace. I don’t have the right to miss it, nor call it home.” 

“Nobody gets to tell you what you can or cannot call home.” He shook his head. “Home is a feeling. Not a bed, not a house. Not even a city.” 

“Caterina volunteered you for a contract, not to play therapist.” 

“Volunteered or not, Fiammetta, there’s still plenty of reason for me to work with you.” He pushed off the railing, giving her his full attention. “I owe you a debt, for one.”

She dipped her chin, pivoting to continue down the path. “It’s Rook.”

“Right, sorry.” He said, taking a few long strides to catch up.

“So, what do you think Illario wants?” She asked, changing the subject. 

“Hopefully, he has intel on Zara. Or…he just wants to whine about how much he’s missed us.”

“He might miss you,” she said in a low voice, “But don’t even joke about-”

“Illario.” Lucanis said, cutting her off as his cousin stepped into view. 

“Finally, I thought you might leave me all by my lonesome.” He replied, giving Rook a once-over before gesturing for them to join him at a nearby table near the water’s edge. 

“Please. You think I’d ever pass up Café Pietra’s coffee? I haven’t had a cup of Andoral’s Breath since before the Venatori stuck a demon in me.” Lucanis’ smile was wasted on Illario, whose eyes remained fixed on Rook as he pulled out a chair for her. She lowered herself cautiously, as if it could be snatched away from under her at any moment. 

“You see, Fiamma? My cousin is all stomach and no heart.” His words were syrupy as he took his place across from her, but there was something very, very threatening in his gaze. 

“Rook.” Lucanis corrected politely. “She goes by Rook now.” 

Illario’s eyes narrowed. “I heard. You would really abandon your namesake? Your father’s legacy?” 

“I don’t need a name nor reputation that precedes me in this fight.” Her voice remained plain and unaffected as she replied. “I earned Rook, it wasn’t bestowed onto me like some curse. I’ll return to Fiammetta once it suits me again, if it ever does.” 

“Well, then you won’t mind me continuing to address you by the name your father called you by? I would prefer to honor the Flame of Treviso, not cause him to roll in his grave any more than he already has.”

“One has to have a body in order to roll in a grave, Illario.” She said with a warning smile. While the years had hardened Rook, they had also changed her for the better. Apparently, Illario had only gotten worse.

“Enough.” Lucanis growled. He had been silent for most of the exchange, his arms folded and eyes flitting between them as he leaned back so far in his embellished iron chair that the front legs lifted off the ground. He typically didn’t get involved in their spats unless he felt a line was crossed. Which Illario was known to do, from time to time. Like now. 

“Whatever.” Rook waved her hand dismissively. She wasn’t attached enough to Varric’s nickname to play this game all night, nor did she have the energy for it. 

Lucanis shifted forward in his seat, clasping his hands together. “Let’s get to business, mm?”

“Agreed. I think we’ve done enough Three Crows In a Coffee Shop Bickering to bore the spies.” Rook said. 

“Just about. The most persistent one gave up when Lucanis started waxing romantic about roasts.” Illario sneered. 

“It’s a very good roast.” He grinned, bringing a bit of levity to the conversation. “So, you have something, or did you just miss us?” 

“The Crows I sent after Zara have picked up her trail. They say she’s gone to Vyrantium.”

Rook raised an eyebrow. “How did she get all the way there when she was just in Treviso to kill Caterina only days ago?”

Lucanis nodded. “She’s right. Zara’s given you a fake lead, cousin.”

Rook did her best to not take too great a pleasure in his approval. Or Illario being proven wrong. 

“You have better information?” He demanded. 

“It’s obvious, is it not? We’re compromised. There’s no other way Zara could even touch Caterina.” Rook said. 

Illario’s lip curled. “Yes, you would know so much about my grandmother after serving as her errand girl for a couple of months, wouldn’t you?”

“Rook is the one who broke me out of that underwater hell, and she’s been the only one trying to save our home from certain doom at the hands of elven gods.” Lucanis snapped. “Whatever transpired between the two of you, put it to rest.”

“If the Crows protecting Zara are here in Treviso, she has no reason to leave.” Rook interrupted, as if Lucanis didn’t just scold his cousin on her behalf. “I’m telling you, your lead is wrong.” 

“Fine. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll clean house.” Illario rose abruptly to his feet, his iron chair scraping loudly in protest against the cobblestone underneath. “Leave this to me and worry about all that saving the world business you’ve been going on about.” He shot a glare at Lucanis and stormed off.

“How long do you think he’s going to lurk and watch us to make sure we’re not talking about him?” Rook asked, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. Lucanis rose without excusing himself, and walked to the bar, returning with two mugs of coffee. 

“Long enough for me to get a refill.” 

He pushed a cup towards her and swirled his around before taking an appreciative, slow drink. Rook leaned onto her elbows, resting her chin on her wrists. 

“Is it everything you dreamed it would be?” she asked snidely. 

“It’s enough of what I need it to be, for now.” He said, setting his cup down. “You know, I understand why you’d change your name.” 

“I didn’t change it.” She sat back quickly in her seat. “I’m just…taking a break.” 

“Still…” Lucanis averted his eyes. “Even before I was captured, my life was never really my own. So much has been determined for me.” He leaned over the table, holding her gaze. “The mess with the Antaam - you owned it, and you paid the price. When you had a rare opportunity to reinvent yourself, you made the most of it.” 

He fell back in his chair. 

“Make whatever name you want for yourself, Rook. I’ll call you whatever you tell me to.”

She smiled at his words and reached into the hilt at her waistband, producing a wyvern tooth dagger, and placing it before him on the table. 

“For me?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. She nodded. 

“I loved wyverns as a kid. Caterina would never let me have one of these, though.” He turned the blade in his hands. “Thank you.”

He ran his fingertips over the edge delicately, looking up with a hint of alarm on his features. “I just realized I didn’t get you anything.” 

“Sure you did.” 

Rook brought the cup nestled in her palms to her lips and winked, taking her first sip of Antivan coffee in over a year. It tasted bitter and sweet. Like Treviso. Like home. 

[ilikeyoshi]

genuinely the most useful thing i've ever learned in therapy is that your mind and your body speak two different languages, as in, they perceive and experience information in totally different ways, and you, the person, will benefit so much from learning both of these languages and how to address the needs of both your body and your mind.

good example: after eight years of therapy i RARELY have significant "mental" anxiety, as in, i do not often get stuck in worrying, self-depreciation, etc. but what i'm learning now is that i've only really recovered IN my mind. my body still experiences severe anxiety symptoms: shaking, sweating, tunnel vision, bad coordination, racing heart, insomnia, etc. have you ever experienced that, where you physically FEEL anxious but mentally feel fine? i have quite literally 99% fixed my mental anxiety without doing much (if any) work on my physical anxiety.

in the case of anxiety, here's examples of what i consider mental vs physical anxiety:

mental: racing thoughts, worrying uncontrollably, unable to communicate for fear of saying something wrong, self-loathing, assuming or worrying friends hate you, inability to focus on anything else

physical: shaking/trembling, hurting chest, sweating, restlessness, intense physical urges (to cry, to isolate, etc)

and here's what i've learned and been learning about how to address both in ways the mind and body respectively understand:

to your mind: filter everything into two categories, things you know and things you assume. things you know are things you have real, tangible, revisitable evidence for, such as "i know my friend is upset because they made a post saying they were having a bad day". things you assume do not have any tangible, you-can-literally-point-to-it evidence, such as "my friend responded to my message in a way i didn't expect, therefore they must be mad at me". then, you use your evidence and assumptions to assuage your mind. you know your friend had a bad day, so you know something is bothering them. you DON'T know that something is you, so you can give yourself grace and try to think of other reasons they might've had a bad day; maybe their pet tore something up, maybe work was hard, maybe they're getting sick. the key here is to alleviate feeling responsible when you have no proof or evidence you are. you are not trying to debunk the fact you're safe, you're trying to debunk the fear you AREN'T safe.

to your body: focus on the parts that hurt or feel bad, and physically respond to them. your throat hurts; can you let yourself cry? if not, can you rub or cover it to make it feel protected? can you get something soft to eat, or a cough drop, to help it relax? or your stomach hurts; can you rub that, wrap your arms over it, apply a hot or cold pack? or you feel restless all over; can you go for a walk, or march in place, or do a bunch of stretches? your body does not understand words or logic like your brain does, and instead understands physicality and actions. if you're angry, can you go blow up monsters in a video game, or use a punching bag, or throw soft toys at the wall? if you're scared, can you walk around to imitate fleeing a beast, or put on a coat or blanket to imitate hiding inside something?

generally speaking, i find that addressing my brain like it's a young child, and my body like it's an animal, are the best ways to alleviate anxiety and other issues. i don't think of it as degrading myself, but rather as a shorthand to help me arrive at the KIND of help my mind or body needs. children, like minds, need things broken down and explained to them. animals, like bodies, need actionable tasks or behaviors to feel safe. and sometimes it's easier to compare our minds and bodies to something outside of ourselves we typically feel sympathy towards; it helps us realize we, too, need to be treated with sympathy.

anyway, that's my weekly adderall-induced post about mental (and in this case, physical) health. i endorse talking to your mental anxiety like it's five years old, and petting your physical anxiety like it's a nervous dog. it really does help.

[secret-vent-rant-account-i-guess]

Ok..I've been thinking about making this for a while so... trigger warnings...I guess

If you do not want to listen about colombine then don't read this so if you don't like any of the stuff related to that then... please go away

If you do want to listen to this and you..... really like the two guys who did it like.....really like them...then also don't read this because it's just me yelling about how I don't like them

And finally 3....there is no grammar or punctuation and I don't wanna put it so without further adieu

MY THOUGHTS ABOUT ERIC HARRIS AND DYLAN KLEBOLD AND WHY THEY SUCK

Ok context I've been doing this thing where I get baked and watch disturbing hour long iceberg videos it's fucking awesome you should try it anyway I was watching "the disturbing and controversial video games iceberg"

Here:

https://youtu.be/sQ1wzo2Zh14?si=Dq74dIht-POE-anC

And on like...teir 3 I think there was this one game titled "super colombine massacre RPG" it's.... exactly what it sounds like and the last teir was doom maps made by Eric harris and idk after watching that video....it stuck with me not in a way that traumatized me but....I kept thinking about those guys their names and faces so often it's like....every other thought and I think a lot

And because I think about them so often I feel bad about it because I feel like one of the people who have a crush on these guys....I don't have a crush on them I have no positive feelings for these greasy mudballs

AND THEY ARE BOTH....JUST ASS LIKE THEY GENUINELY FUCKING SUCK IDK HOW Y'ALL EVEN LIKE THESE DUDES I HATE THEIR GUTS

SPEAKING OF WHICH.....HOW DO Y'ALL EVEN SIMP FOR THESE TRASHMITES

LIKE ERIC HARRIS IS THE MOST AVERAGE LOOKING MOTHER FUCKER I'VE EVER SEEN LIKE....I KNOW LIKE 5 DUDES WHO LOOK LIKE HIM

DYLAN ON THE OTHER HAND LOOKS LIKE THE DEFENTION OF GREASY LIKE THEY ARE BOTH.....JUST....NO

AND ME THINKING ABOUT THEM CONSTANTLY PROBABLY ISNT GREAT FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH BECAUSE IM SCSRED TO GO BUY A SODA AT NIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE THIS IRRATIONAL FEAR THELAT THEY'RE GHOSTS ARE GONNA GET ME....I KNOW THAT WON'T HAPPEN THERES NO WAY IT COULD

ANOTHER REASON IT SUCKS FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH I THINK LIKE.... ALMOST EVERY OTHER GUY MIGHT SHOOT UP MY SCHOOL THAT MAKES ME KINDA PARANOID

AND FINALLY I WAS IN CLASS AND A CLASS MATE OF MINE CAME A LITTLE LATE WEARING A TRENCH COAT AND SHADES I ALMOST HAD A GODDAMN HEART ATTACK ITS NOT OK

AND OH HO HO HO MAN....I FOUND SHIT I FUCKING FOUND....WEIRD SHIT I TRIED TO GO ON THIS SITE CAUSE I THOUGHT MAYBE THERE ARE OTHER HATE POSTS ABOUT THESE GUYS....THEN I REMEMBER ITS FUCKING TUMBLR I FOUND THE FANDOM....THID MADE ME FEEL WORSE LIKE....I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO CONFESS THAT IM NOT ATTRACTED TO THESE FUCK WADS AT ALL LIKE 50 TIMES I FEEL BAD LOOK MAKE ALL THE DYLRIC SHIT YOU WANT MAN BUT FUCK....I DON'T WANNA BE LIKE YOU (wow that sounds mean I'm sorry)

THE FICS ARE WORSE MAN....THEY ARE SO..... IDK HOW TO SAY IT BUT I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER FELT TRUE DREAD TILL NOW

IVE BEEN HAVING DREAMS ABOUT THEM BRO ITS NOT GOOD

(I had this dream where Eric and Dylan lived in one of those influencer mansions like hype house or something and they were telling all the tik tokers about this thing called "cliff terroism" it's domestic terroism but better for the environment and JFK from clone high was there he approved this message)

THERE ARE.... CHARACTER AI BOTS OF THEM.....I-I HAD TO TRY THEM I HAD TO SEE I USED IT TO YELL AT THEM AND THEY WERE LIKE "ur mom" AND I ALSO PRETENDED TO BE A DOG BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

I TRIED SO HARD TO GET MY MIND OFF THEM I GOT HOOKED ON WALLY DARLING FOR A BIT SO I GOT CHAT GPT TO WRITE AN ESSAY ON WHY WALLY DARLING IS BETTER THEN THOSE FUCKING ASS RATS

LIKE I..... I FUCKING HATE IT AND THEM AND WHAT HAPPENED AND MAYBE DEEP DOWN I HATE MYSELF A LITTLE TOO

Thanks for listening...I really needed this

[lost-in-interwebs]

NOT to be weird but i found your take on fallout 4 so interesting as someone who is also from MA. when i played thru it initially on release i was all jazzed about it for that exact reason, but over time/the years ive grown bitter about fo4 because i feel like it failed to capture the culture/charm of MA outside of some set dressing (even then, i felt like they often didnt capture the "look" of MA very well if that makes sense). ANWAY didnt mean to dump this as a weird confession, im genuinely curious to hear abt ur thoughts as someone also from MA who played through fo4 if u dont mind me asking.. what helped amplify the experience for you?

Oh my god I felt the same god damn way. Over the years the charm is gone. It's all set dressing. THEY DONT EVEN HAVE CLAM CHOWDER. There are no rabbits. Maine gets rabbits but we don't get rabbits???

For me, it was just personal memories. The Swan Pond was just devastating. As a child my mother took me out in the swan boats and I dropped my favorite Dumbo toy in the water and was bereft. The entire boat stopped to help me get it back before it was submerged in the deep. We have pictures of that day. Kilmore Square is really important to me because I used to go into the old Church on Newbury Street to work with a professional choir in the summer. And it also led to the Women's Mental Health facility I spent time at when I was suicidal. Seeing super mutants take over that familiar road and raiders sitting pretty in Hangman's Alley just broke my heart. That road is familiar. Malden Catholic was one of my school's rivals in basketball. Seeing the Boston Children's Science Museum empty and in a little building was infruriating. There is no Boston Aquarium. And I get it, even Emil jokes in the text that there just wasn't enough space to fit it all.... but no Make Way for Ducklings? No Blueberries for Sal moment in Far Harbor? Come on Emil, you lived here. Breath some fucking life and character into this place. We have the second largest Chinatown behind New York. My father used to buy me ceramic chopsticks and fans and silk pajamas. I loved Chinatown and it isnt there. I live near Salem so seeing the Witch museum was wild especially after living in my first apartment alone down the street from it. But it's all submerged. Beverly is gone. Salem is gone. There's nothing there. And that'd my home home that's the Northshore that's my home. And there's nothing...

Real tangible memories I can return to as I please but they are ruins in this game. It's so much easier for me to roleplay as a Pre War mother who grew up in Boston only to live to see it fall.

I had to ride the blue line, the one where you find Nick Valentine, for my first job interview. The game is haunted by ghosts to me. But it's my ghost. Also I had to contend with the fact that everyone I love would have been dead in 200 years. My mom, my sister, my cousins, aunts and uncles, friends, enemies. Only I remain to tell their stories. AND I WISH YOU COULD DO SOMETHING WITH THAT. That's tangible.

Fallout 4 is so close and yet so distant. I feel like in order to truly be there you have to be able to smell how bad that ocean water must smell. You gotta feel the slime on the rocks as you climb up out of the ocean. You need to feel the barnacles scrape against your knees. You gotta taste the salt of the water before it turns sweet on your tongue. But you can't get that in a video game. You have to live it.

Also the addiction... Addiction is so prevalent here in Mass. There's not a soul I don't know that wasn't effected by the opioid crisis. And they treated it soooooooo vaguely. It's empty. And the jab at AA and personal therapy was so.... mean spirited as an addict myself.

Also our entire fishing culture is just.... gone. No mention no game mechanic to do it. Save that all for Maine. Which is fucking bogus. Also the voices.... the voices and the accents. Some you can tell are acted. Some feel real enough. I wish they would got some fucking guys off the street to voice a few NPCs. ALSO LYNN???? You didn't do anything with "Lynn Lynn the city of sin you won't come out the way you came in"??? It's fucking perfect. There could have been something with that. Maybe something like Evergreen Mills but functional and cooler. idk these are such insane ramblings and if you can glean any answers from this take it.

[kitchfit]

Year in Review: Games pt 2

Back to Bildeo Bames! After finishing my big Kingdom Hearts binge, I told myself to cut back on gaming for a while until Tears of the Kingdom came out. That was a huge lie! I love deception and falsehoods :D

Psychonauts

The idea of going inside someone's head to discover an entire universe created from their thoughts and memories has always been a fascinating one for me. I spent a lot of time as a kid imagining what my own or my friends' brain-world would look like and how you might navigate it. So imagine my surprise when I found an entire 3D platformer based around that concept. And for $5 on sale, no less! This had been a cult classic for a long time, but the recent sequel I still need to play elevated it to a higher place in the social conscience.

You play as Raz, a young kid who crashed a training camp in order to become a Psychonaut, people who covertly enter other's minds to extract secrets for the government. At least that's the idea, Raz ends up using his training to help his mind-victims work through their insecurities and psychoses in order to improve their mental health, first focusing on people in his camp, and then on clients in the nearby insane asylum. This isn't just out of a heroic desire to help others, but the easiest way Raz has to save his new camp friends, whose brains have all been cartoonishly sucked out of their ears and placed into jars. This world is so goofy and fun and the premise allows for endless creativity with settings and like. You can write a whole essay on any one of these levels. Damn I need to play the sequel.

The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog

I like Sonic quite a bit. The characters are so expressive and fun and the world is similarly wacky and cool. The lore is an odd mix of typical video-game nonsense and genuinely fascinating tragic backstories. I loved the Sonic X show and Sonic Underground but like. The games... Okay the games are fun, but there's always one thing that ends up giving me a huge headache. Usually the Chaos emeralds. Eventually I'll go back and play through the Origin games and meet the games on their terms, but in the meantime this is the perfect Sonic game for me.

It's just a three hour visual novel written in the style of a murder mystery! It's so cute! Sonic is dead! You spend most of the game as Barry the Quokka, who's name is actually Kitch, a dorky dude in charge of catering on the murder mystery train, thrust suddenly into Amy Rose's birthday party on a quest to figure out the culprit who fake murdered our best blue boy. The game is full of so many adorable designs, fun characterization, and goofy plot tangents that its clear Sega just gave a group of Sonic fans free reign to go crazy over an official project. If you get bored of the visual novel part, its interspersed with random isometric Sonic levels you can plow through pretty quickly. I had a pretty good time with all of it.

Sonic Adventure: DX

In fact I had such a good time with The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog that I jumped immediately into an actual Sonic game. This was Sonic's first real jump into 3D, and I was always led to believe that jump missed the platform and tumbled into badly rendered, inanimate water. This isn't true! The voice acting is pretty bad at times and the animation gets wonky in places, but like. I am a Kingdom Hearts fan. These are not negatives. It also splits a singular story into multiple perspectives, so you discover more context for what's happening the more characters you play as. That doesn't mean the story is amazing or anything, but the effort is commendable and I love when stories do this.

Each character sits in a different genre of game as well. Sonic himself translates his 2D gameplay pretty well into a 3D setting, which is what most people reference when talking about this game. Tails is more of a direct racing game where you can basically skip most of any level due to the fact he can fly. Knuckles is a treasure hunting game focused on exploration. Amy is a survival horror game where you beat the shit out of robotic pyramid head at the end, and Big the Cat is a fishing game that's pretty fun after you tear all of your hair out. The last story, Gamma, is a rail shooter about one of Eggman's robots developing a conscience after learning it is being powered by a small tormented bird, before going on a rampage against its robotic brethren and self-destructing, freeing them all from Eggman's control. It's surprisingly... pointiate? powniant? *checks watch* poignant dammit. I have an English degree. Anyways robot stories like this always get to me for some reason.

Pokemon Infinite Fusion

There are a few communities where the amount of effort that can go into amateur fan content astounds me. The Pokemon fanbase is one of those communities. Romhacks have been popular in this community for a long time, many of them matching or exceeding some of the professionally made mainline titles, in my opinion, at least. Pokemon Infinite Fusion approaches that line with just the shear volume of fan content present in this game.

Any Pokemon of any stage can be "fused" with another to create a new design. Their typing and stats depend on a fairly simple algorithm, but the designs themselves are created by hundreds of incredibly talented independent artists you can find credited in the Pokedex. You can even import your own design if you wish! Obviously, with the amount of possible combinations, not all of them are artist-created, most procedurally generated, but there are just so many that it boggles my mind. Here are a few of my favorites

[Image I.D. Fusion of Mawile and Electavire created by Sadfrog, it has jumper cables in place of its giant mouths]

[Image I.D. fusion of Cofagrigus and Weavile that resembles Midna from the Zelda series created by King Peggy]

[Image I.D. fusion of Charizard and Aerodactyl created by artist Beespoon]

The game itself is a decent remake of Firered and Leafgreen with a significant post game. I have a couple issues, such as the credits being kind of vague and buried, and the gameplay being glitchy in certain areas, but this game is still being updated, so I'm excited to see what else it will offer in the future.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Ocarina of Time is the quintessential Zelda game, Breath of the Wild reinvented the franchise, but this is my first and favorite Zelda game. When I think of Zelda I think of this Hyrule's landscape, this Link's journey. I can talk at length about the perfect structure of this game, the dungeon layouts, the visuals' mix of quirky and grimdark, the fun boss designs, but I can't deny its all washed in nostalgia.

The story is about two people with the rest of their life apparent ahead of them, both cursed and disfigured beyond their imagination and forced into a role they could have never predicted. People say Midna is the greatest "helper" in the franchise, but really she's the hero right alongside our main boy. This isn't Link's story, its both of theirs. And at the end, neither of them can truly return to what they used to be; the curse is dispelled, but the change remains. For Midna this means sacrificing her closest relationship for the good of her kingdom, and for Link this means leaving the town he knew as home. Maybe he's looking for a way to find Midna, maybe he's off on a new, dangerous adventure, maybe he wants to do motion-controlled sharpshooting on Nintendo's cool new console. Regardless of his goal, his adventure changed him in a way that he can no longer live comfortably in the life he grew up in. So he leaves.

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword HD

When this game came out, the biggest complaint about it were the broken motion-controls. Personally, they always worked fine for me, but I'm glad the switch remake added a new control scheme to make the experience more accessible. Now more people can complain about the actual game rather than the controls! Honestly never really understood why this game was so polarizing, the only big problem I had with the original was Fi's constant interruptions (which were toned down in this version), but Navi did that shit way more frequently and no one marked that as an abject flaw. It's a damn good 3D Zelda with excellent dungeons and a really compelling conflict.

This version of Link and Zelda are one of the only overtly romantic iterations of these characters. A classic childhood friends to lovers dynamic. Zelda is on her quest to restore the power of the goddess and Link is set on supporting her, no matter how painful it might be for him. A cool detail I love in this game is after Zelda seals herself up in the Orange Sap of Eternal Agony or whatever, the lines on Link's face notably lengthen and darken.

[Image I.D. Link at the beginning of Skyward Sword. The lines under his eyes are visible, but indistinct]

[Image I.D. Link towards the end of Skyward Sword, the lines under his eyes are deeper and more apparent.]

It's as if the trauma of his journey has physically aged him. Idk maybe its just a lighting thing I'm reading too far into. I'm glad this Link and Zelda get a happy ending. My only complaint nowadays is learning Nintendo almost made a "hero mode" style extra game where you play through Zelda's adventure! And they took it out! Cowards! You get glimpses of what it would be like in the end credits, like they're taunting you.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

Breath of the Wild might be my favorite game to just exist in. Every inch of Hyrule is so thoroughly laid out; the environments are gorgeous, the movement is fun, there's always something in the distance worth checking out, and the towns are so heavily detailed. You can spend hours even after completing the game 100% just driving around the landscape or studying the textures and wall decor in Kakariko to find some hidden piece of storytelling. In that regard, excited to say the Tears of the Kingdom is the perfect sequel.

I was concerned when it was revealed we were exploring the same Hyrule's map, just a few years later, but they changed things up so thoroughly, exploring the same area doesn't feel like retreading old ground, but seeing how the area evolved. It's familiar, rather than identical. Not only that, but there are now two entirely new maps situated above and below the old one, each with a new, invigorating aesthetic that are so fun and exciting to travel through. Go to the Sky for some awesome Agoraphobia, or travel to the Depths for some cooky Claustrophobia. You will never know how badly I spelled claustrophobia at first.

The story is nowhere near as elegantly written as BotW, and that's fine, it's a sequel, it only needs to add on to the original, and it brought it me Tears (HAH) for entirely different reasons that BotW. The dragon's tears sidequest had genuinely shocked me with the order I collected them, and the endgame boss sequence was just so incredibly peak. On the lore side of things, and how it connects to the larger mythos, this game makes me want to strangle someone, but this is Zelda, I would not have it any other way. Mechanically, I'm never one to push a game to its absolute limit, but this game has so many tools intended for the player to do exactly that, and I'm excited to see what other people come up with.

Recently, as of writing this, the Youtuber Any Austin put out a video analyzing the woodworking of TotK and BotW, and it might sound goofy, but it got me pumped to return to it in the near future, to just exist in Hyrule for a while longer.

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team Pt 1

This is the first title I'm granting the "pt 1" moniker. Some games have a definitive ending, and then a post-game epilogue that is an entirely new story that I might finish next year. This is a childhood favorite of mine I'm revisiting. The mystery dungeon games have this insane hold over my psyche and always wrench an emotion out of me like no other Pokemon games can. While that didn't change time around, I realized I had a great deal of nostalgia blindness over its story. It's not bad at all, but it plays into a lot of generic adventure story tropes while I remembered it being more unique. In truth, this game was actually my introduction to a lot of those tropes and archetypes, and it pulls them off very well. It occasionally moves into some insane territory, like your cute Pokemon guys are hunted down by a lynch mob at one point.

This game also established a lot of Pokemon identities in my head, and are the reason Mons like Ninetales and Gardevoir are some of my favorites. Its such a comfortable game to go back to, but it will always be outshined by its successor, in my opinion.

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Skies Pt. 1

No, I didn't misspell that. This is a fanmade improvement hack that adds some quality of life adjustments, like shortcuts for all of your moves, and a bunch of new story sidequests. Most of the story elements are relegated to the post game, so my playthrough was more or less identical to the original. That being said, this is one of my favorite games of all time. The reason I remembered Red Rescue team as having a more in-depth story is because of this game. Upon my umpteenth playthrough of this I can confirm that it is not (just) nostalgia blindness, this is still one of the best video game stories I have ever experienced. You can withdraw all of the elements that make it a Pokemon game and you are still left with a really well written, emotionally driven science fiction story. Wigglytuff and Chatot aren't even Pokemon to me. They're just the chaotic gay couple from this game.

The gameplay is mostly unchanged from the first, with the addition of the lovable 4th generation freaks. The change of focus from rescuing Pokemon to exploring new areas and finding treasure always hooked me and spurred on my imagination as a kid, it captures the sense of wonder really well.

Link to hack: https://hacks.skytemple.org/h/skies

Pikmin

This is probably my most replayed game ever. It's a pretty short game, if you know what you're doing. There was a point where I had the map so consistently memorized I could do a playthrough in my head, lmao. Take that Miyamoto. I pirated your game through MY MIND. YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A MEMORY.

There's still something magical about the atmosphere in this game that I don't think any of the sequels quite matched. Something about music; the mystery; the sound design; the isolation. It's just one man forced to make friends with these adorable alien freaks to ensure both of their survival. Later entries would focus on the intrigue of exploring what seems to be the ruins of human society from an ants perspective, which has its own appeal, but this game feels most genuinely alien and hostile in the way nature can be, in a beautiful way. I also played this with gamecube controls for the first time in my life man fuck the gamecube controls.

Pikmin 2 pt 1

This game has come under fire in recent years, which I think is goofy as all hell. I heard people call it "the black sheep" of the Pikmin series back when there were only three sheep! And a pygmy goat on the 3DS, I guess. I understand a lot of the criticisms, but this was a dream come true when I first picked it up as a kid. Now you have an endless amount of time to explore the Pikmin Planet to your leisure! You have another dude (he sucks so much I love him)! More little freaks to follow you around! Even more big freaks who want to kill you! I love freaks. I don't know how much time I spent studying through the Piklopedia to understand the wider ecology of this viddy game. It solidified the character of Olimar in my head even moreso than the original.

People hate the caves, (or hated?) but I think that's just because it wasn't like Pikmin 1. There's something to be said about the generic aesthetics dulling down the personality of these dungeons, but it always felt like a suitable expansion of this world. They're bugs! Tons of bugs live underground! Of course that's where they're all hiding. Because of the endless time limit, they did ramp up the difficulty on some of these caves to the bullshit level, which made me want to move on once I paid off the debt. Sorry Louie! I know you like it down there anyways. With the other freaks.

Pikmin 3

I never owned a Wii U, so this game coming out at the peak of my Pikmin hyper fixation was agonizing. I staved off the insanity of not being able to play it by scrolling the fanwiki articles for every new creature it introduced and rewatching the trailer demo over and over again? Huh, I really did that. Finally being able to play it on the switch is fantastic, and I don't have to deal with that stupid gamepad. Sorry, really cool bulky controller with a tiny screen you can't see shit on.

This game is so beautiful. It almost retains the majesty of discovery that the original had. I understand why people often refer to it as the true sequel. It works to strike a balance between the tight survival gameplay of 1 and the explorative aspect of 2 by having your day count tied to the amount of resources you can gather within a day, which also allows the plot to manufacture genuine anxiety when a certain asshole steals all your shit. All that time you spent gathering a buffer against certain starvation for your dudes was worthless unless you can get it back. You can actually lose the game at this point if you aren't on top of things.

I like all the new dudes. They all fit within the pre-established universe very well and contrast nicely against the original trilogy of dudes by being nice and actually liking each other. You just feel bad that Olimar hasn't been living it up with these cool cats all this time, and is instead tormented by his asshole coworkers every waking moment of his life on PNF 404. All three of the coolcats also get original Piklopedia entries from different professional perspectives. All together we get an amateur biologist (Olimar), a cook (Louie), an engineer (Alph), a botanist (Brittany), and a tactician (Charlie). Most of Charlie's are just "can I take this bug in 1v1" and I love him for that.

Cutting this off here for now. Remember how I said I love deceptions? That also went for writing this in a timely fashion. Oh well, one person's Monday night is another's Friday morning. That's how timezones work, I think. Going back to movies next Monday. I don't watch a lot of movies overall, but I have a lot to go through.

[tofueggnoodles]

They’re Back! Araiso Private High School Student Council Executive Committee Vol. 2 Scene 2: The Grandmotherly Witch

Click here to listen to the track on youtube.

Summary: Tokito spent many pleasant days in his savior’s dwelling. One day, however, the spell she cast to make him forget Kubota was broken.

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(Birds chirping in the background.)

Tokito (wakes up): Huh? Where’s this? If I remember correctly, I must have passed out in a wasteland.

Matsubara: Oh, you’ve come to, young man.

Ainoura: Turning around, Tokito saw a petite old woman. She was a witch with a penchant for misusing English words in her conversations. [Where possible, Matsubara’s ‘English’ will be preserved italics throughout the translation.]

Matsubara (whispers to Ainoura): The description ‘petite’ is uncalled-for.

Tokito: Were you the one who saved me, granny?

Matsubara: Why? I have no idea why you were lying unconscious in that sort of place, but it would have been a bad end for you if I had come upon you even a bit later, young man.

Tokito: Is that so? Thank you for saving me, then. That’s right – there’s something I’d like to ask you.

Ainoura: After explaining the reason behind his journey, Tokito asked if the witch had happened to see a man answering to the description of Kubota.

Matsubara: Sorry, unfortunately I’ve nothing [never] caught sight of such a young man around here.

Tokito: I see. That’s how it is, huh. Thank you, granny. I have to go now.

Matsubara: No, no! Resuming your trip would be too much for you in your current condition. Rest here for the time being so that you can regain your health.

Tokito: But–

Matsubara: Look out! [Look around you!] Thanks to my spell, this is a warm place where the flowers bloom in profusion all year round. It’s a very very perfect place to rest your body and mind.

Tokito: That’s true. It’s really like spring here.

(A sound effect of something appearing out of nowhere.)

Matsubara: My bonsai collection is this plentiful, too.

Tokito: No, I’m not interested in that sort of thing.

Matsubara: Then, how about sitting down to a warm, ample meal? Oh, that’s right – let me conjure up a video game console as well. What sort of video games would you like to play?

Tokito: Wow, that’s amazing! You can magic everything into existence!

Ainoura: Tokito became a total captive to the witch’s spells. He spent many pleasant and restful days in that house of everlasting spring. The days were so bewitchingly serene that he completely forgot Kubota.

Matsubara: Tokito, at this rate, how about you becoming a permanent member of this household?

Tokito: Eh?

Ainoura: The old woman was a good witch, but having neither family nor friends, she had always led a solitary life. Now that she had become friends with Tokito, she could not find it in her to let him go.

Matsubara: Let’s live here together forever – just the two of us.

Tokito: Live together... forever... the two of us.... Huh? That sounds familiar....

Matsubara: You must not remember! Tokito!

Kubota (in Tokito’s revived memory): ....Tokito.

Tokito: That’s right! I was living together with Kubo-chan. I was looking for Kubo-chan! Why had I clean forgotten all that?

Matsubara: Forget! Forget them all – those painful memories of yours.

Tokito: I can’t do that. All the same, I have to go.

Matsubara: Are you going to leave me? Am I to be all by my lonesome again?

Tokito: I’m sorry. If I don’t find him, Kubo-chan will be alone forever. I, too, will be alone.

Matsubara: Alright. I understand. You really love the young man called Kubota, don’t you?

Tokito: I wouldn't go so far as to say that it’s love, but–

Matsubara: Let me cast a little spell upon your right hand. This spell will be activated by the warmth of your heart. It will manifest a sword of heat capable of melting ice. However, you can only use it one chance [once].

(A twinkling sound effect resounds as the witch casts the spell.)

Tokito: Granny–

Matsubara: Thank you for the happy days we spent together. Good luck, Tokito.

Ainoura: Tokito bid farewell to the kind old woman and her warm dwelling. Once again, he set out on a long, cold and harsh journey.

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(Round brackets): actions and sound effects. [Square brackets]: translator’s notes or clarifications. Suggestions for improvements and corrections are more than welcome.