#for how to handle trauma and grief in a way they normally do not.

[sugurau]

working on my 'it worked out okay' au and it just makes me sad to think about what could've been. suguru is a teacher in this au as expected, but i'm just thinking about what it was like, coming back from the ledge. being able to have that talk with satoru, with shoko. i think another talk with yuki occurs. suguru realizing that he isn't alone, that these thoughts he's having are borne of trauma and rage and grief, that he's just a broken boy who was almost painfully, irrevocably, misguided.

in this verse i'm working on, i am playing with the concept of him, unfortunately, still slaughtering that village. he takes in mimiko and nanako. he is very much removed from jujutsu high for a while as he is evaluated as a threat. suguru gets a lot of help but i do think he's still rather deeply mistrusted by many in the community now, even after he's cleared, especially because he's a special grade and his fall from grace can eventually become a very important, teachable moment for others. it just takes...a lot for everyone to trust him again.

most people, i mean. i think some know his heart regardless.

[luv-lock]

ㅤֹㅤ⊹ㅤ #ㅤSPIDER BOYFRIENDㅤ.ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱

☆⁠ PAIRING : Marvel Rivals – Peter Parker x Fem Reader

☆⁠ HEADCANON : How Would He Be When He's Obsessed?

☆⁠ NOTES : English is not my first language. Hope you enjoy!

It starts simple.

You're someone he meets on the battlefield—a fellow fighter, not a villain, but not a hero either. Maybe you’re with SHIELD. Maybe you’re a scientist pulled into the chaos. Maybe you’re just really good with a sword, or tech, or your fists. Either way, you're competent. Quiet. Mysterious. You don’t fawn over him, don’t praise his quips, and when he swings down to help you? You barely glance up and mutter, “I had it handled.”

He’s stunned. Not offended. Not really. Just... intrigued. You don’t treat him like Spider-Man. You treat him like a guy in a mask. Like a person. It sticks.

He thinks about you that night.

He doesn’t mean to. But he does. The way you moved, the way you didn’t hesitate to kill when it was necessary. There’s something cold and soft in you—like steel wrapped in velvet. You aren’t like MJ. You aren’t like Felicia. You aren’t like Gwen. You don’t want him. Which means he wants you.

The Obsession Brews Quietly.

Peter’s the type who knows when something’s wrong in his head. He’s not stupid. He’s hyper aware of his flaws, his grief, his trauma. But you?

You’re the exception.

He starts tracking your missions—not obviously. Not like a stalker (he tells himself). But he always “coincidentally” shows up where you’re sent. He’s cracking jokes like always, swinging around like always… but his eyes? They never leave you.

You're polite. Maybe even friendly. You laugh when he says something dumb. You save his life once—he plays it cool, but he replays it over and over again in his head like a romantic comedy scene. Your hand on his chest. Your voice. Your breath on his face.

He starts journaling about you.

“Totally normal. Not creepy. Healthy outlet.”

He draws you in his margins. Tries to guess your birthday. Your favorite food. If you’d ever date someone like him. If you’d let him kiss you with the mask on.

And then he gets jealous.

Like, real jealous.

You get a mission with Tony. Peter spirals. Tony’s rich. Cool. Charismatic. You laughed at one of his jokes. Peter snaps at Tony, nearly punches him during a spar. He covers it up, but the rage simmers.

He googles “how to stop being jealous.”

Then he googles your name. Your social media. Your apartment. He tells himself it’s just to keep you safe.

(He finds your selfies. He stares too long.)

It turns.

You go on a date. Someone boring. Normal. Civilian.

Peter sees. He watches from a rooftop.

He follows the guy home. Just to look. Just to make sure he’s not hurting you.

But when that guy touches your hand across the table, Peter's claws come out. Figuratively. (For now.)

You don’t see your date again.

Peter doesn’t do anything obvious. But your date gets fired. Blacklisted. His car disappears. He has a breakdown.

Peter doesn’t regret it. You deserve better.

He thinks about confessing.

He writes a hundred messages. Deletes them all. He wants to tell you, “I’m Spider-Man. I’m Peter. I’m in love with you.”

But it’s not love. Not really. It’s need.

He starts calling you “mine.”

Not to your face. But in his head. In his journal. When other guys get too close, when you joke with Strange, when you look at Steve like that—his fists clench. He mutters, mine. Over and over.

He starts making excuses to touch you. Casual ones. Hand on your back when danger’s near. Pulling you out of the way. Wrapping you in webbing just to “keep you safe.”

You roll your eyes. “I can handle myself.”

He smirks. “Sure. But then I’d have to live with myself if anything happened to you.”

He finally loses it when you almost die.

A close call. You’re unconscious. Bleeding. He goes feral. Webs up the attacker and nearly beats them to death before someone (probably Strange or Cap) pulls him off. He screams that it’s your fault they were too soft. That it’s your life, not theirs.

He doesn’t leave your side while you’re healing. Sleeps in a chair next to you. Won’t let the doctors near you unless he personally approves them. Talks to your unconscious body like you’re already his.

You wake up in a hospital bed, arm wrapped in gauze, ribs aching, and—

Peter is already there, sitting next to you like a sad puppy. He look like he had three Red Bulls and a mental breakdown.

“Hey,” he says softly, eyes wide behind the mask. “Hi. You’re awake. That’s—cool. That’s great. That’s amazing. You have all your fingers, right? Can you move your toes? I checked like twelve times but I need to see.”

You blink. “Peter…?”

“You remember me!” He stands up like he won an Oscar. “I mean, obviously, but memory loss was a risk, and if you woke up and didn’t remember me, I’d—well, I’d find a way to make you fall for me all over again, obviously.”

You freeze. “What?”

“Nothing. You want soup?”

It gets weirder.

He never leaves. Literally. You wake up? He’s there. You close your eyes? He’s still there. You ask for water? He’s already holding a glass. He knows your favorite snacks, your music taste, the exact temperature you like your room.

You ask, “How do you know all this?”

He grins. “Lucky guess!”

It’s not. That’s a man with spreadsheets.

You try to leave the hospital.

Peter builds a web-cocoon around your hospital bed and pushes you back inside with a single finger.

“Doctor’s orders,” he says.

“The doctor said I could walk!” you protest.

“I’m the doctor now.”

“You’re a physics major—”

“With a minor in caring for you. Lie down.”

You lie down. You’re not winning this battle.

You finally ask him what's going on.

“Okay,” you say, arms crossed. “Are you… okay? You’ve been acting kind of… clingy.”

Peter laughs, too loud. “Clingy? Nooo. I’m attentive. Protective. Emotionally invested.”

“You bought me a dog.”

“Emotionally invested.”

“You named it after me.”

Peter looks proud. “You always said you liked golden retrievers!”

“I never said that.”

He looks away. “Your neighbor did. I asked.”

You try to set boundaries.

It doesn’t work.

You: “Peter, I need space.”

Peter: “Okay. Got it. Of course. You’re right.”

(That night, you get home and find a webbed-up man on your balcony.)

You open the window. “Peter, what are you doing?”

“Space! Look! I’m technically outside. Not even touching the building.”

You point to the mug in his hand. “Are you drinking my coffee?”

“Okay, but I made it inside, and then took it outside, so it’s technically still respecting your boundaries.”

You close the window. He waves.

Eventually, you… accept it. Kind of.

He’s insane. But he loves you. Like, terrifyingly much. The man built you a custom security system, memorized your menstrual cycle, and accidentally threatened your mailman once because he “looked suspicious.” But he also makes you laugh until your stomach hurts, brings you dumplings at 2am, and cries when you kiss his cheek.

You try to be mad.

You really do.

But then he shows up with a handmade hoodie that says “Property of Spider-Man (Emotionally and Legally)” and you can’t help but laugh.

You wear it.

The moment you really break is when you're having a bad day.

Awful. Exhausting. You curl up on the couch, and he silently webs over with a blanket, a hot drink, and your favorite movie already queued up. No jokes. No chaos. Just soft hands and a head on your shoulder.

You whisper, “You’re kind of insane, you know that?”

He hums. “I know. But I’d go completely insane without you. So.”

You smile into your cup.

You’re never getting rid of him.

And maybe… maybe that’s okay.

You’d been dating Peter for, like, maybe two and a half weeks officially.

Unofficially? He’s been yours since the moment you said “hi” back in freshman chemistry. He just hadn’t told you yet. Or anyone else.

Until today.

Until this stupid mission.

You were not supposed to come. You were supposed to be home. On the couch. Watching romcoms and ignoring the fact that your vigilante maybe-boyfriend (maybe-fiancé, maybe-needs-therapy) snuck out to do superhero things.

But then the mission went south. Someone said your name over the comms. And Peter. Froze.

He dropped from the ceiling like a possessed squirrel.

“WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘Y/N’?! WHERE IS SHE?! WHO TOUCHED HER?! WHO EVEN LOOKED AT HER?!”

Reed (who already regrets ever recruiting him): “She’s fine. She’s just patching people up in Medbay—”

“You brought her here?!”

“You brought her,” Reed says.

“Oh. Right.”

Fast forward. Post-mission. You’re helping Natasha stitch up a wound while Peter hovers around like a vulture with anxiety.

Natasha gives him a look. “You good, bug boy?”

Peter blinks. “I’m fine. My wife’s here, so I’m fine.”

Silence.

Natasha looks at you. You look at Peter.

Your hand freezes mid-stitch. “Excuse me?”

He blinks. “What?”

“You just called me your wife.”

Peter squints. “I did?”

“Yes.”

“I mean—yeah. Probably. Feels right.”

“Peter, we haven’t even moved in together.”

“You have a toothbrush at my place.”

“One time!”

“You stole my shirt.”

“You gave it to me!!!”

He shrugs. “Same thing. Just… marry me?”

Natasha, still bleeding: “Is this a bad time?”

Later that week, the Avengers know. All of them.

Somehow Thor is the first to approach you. He slaps Peter on the back so hard it knocks him into a wall.

“Your lady is radiant and fierce! I like her!”

Peter: “I know! I know! Isn’t she perfect? She breathes and I ascend.”

You: “Why is Captain America saluting me?”

Peter: “Because he respects you.”

You: “I’m not in the military!”

Peter: “You’re in my heart forces.”

You try to have a serious talk.

“Peter, people think we’re married. You have to stop saying that.”

He looks genuinely confused. “Why?”

“Because we’re not married?”

“But we could be.”

“We’re seventeen.”

“Age is a construct.”

You stare.

He softens. “Look, I just… I don’t know how to not love you like this. I tried normal. But you’re the best thing in my entire stupid radioactive life, and if I don’t marry you I’m gonna die and haunt your bathroom.”

You blink. “What?”

“As a ghost. In your shampoo bottle. I’ll possess your conditioner.”

You laugh so hard you snort.

It gets worse. Or better.

You start getting mail addressed to Mrs. Parker.

He says it’s a “funny mistake.”

The next day, your driver’s license shows up.

New name. New address. “Mrs. Peter B. Parker.”

“Peter—!”

“I MIGHT’VE HACKED THE DMV BUT IT WAS A LOVE CRIME.”

Despite everything… you stay.

You let him call you his wife. You tease him. You kiss him when he babbles about baby names for the kids you don’t have (yet). You roll your eyes when he sends you "wifey memes" at 3am. And when he builds a second closet in his apartment just for your stuff? You smile. You fill it.

Because at the end of the day…

The insane, obsessive, stalkerish Spider-Man loves you more than air.

And honestly?

You kinda like being his whole universe.

— MASTERLIST ☆

— © luv-lock. Don't copy, use or translate any of my works here or any other websites ☆

[bowditch]

every time i see a post talking about how alfred pennyworth failed bruce for not getting him into therapy as a kid i want to scream.

it did not exist. the idea that children could have PTSD was just starting to be discussed in the late 80s/early 90s at the FRINGE of child psychology, and then trauma therapy even for adults spent an unhelpful 2ish decades dominated by forced-conversation talk therapy. that's a thing that is detrimental to trauma recovery, because if someone doesn't feel safe or in control of the dialogue about their trauma and is repeatedly asked to describe their trauma when they're uneasy, it COMPOUNDS TRAUMA AND FEELINGS OF DANGER.

when bruce was a kid, even the best psychs available would have had training that taught them kids bounce back, that kids don't respond to or handle trauma the way adults do, and that any behaviors post-trauma were almost certainly unrelated mental illness.

i see this esp in fandom circles but a gentle reminder that therapy even when it's good doesn't fix everything. even if bruce had HAD access to good childhood PTSD therapy, he would still have grief, he would still potentially be socially awkward or withdrawn, he might have still decided to be Batman because it's a comic book where being a vigilante isn't as wild as it is irl.

therapy requires honesty, readiness, safety, sound application of theory, an accurate picture of life outside the therapy room (self-reporting is often flawed!), consistency, and more! it can help but it doesn't erase trauma or grief. it's dismissive of the history of trauma therapy to say an adult "should have" had a kid in a therapy approach that didn't exist, and it's dismissive of the actual work of therapy to act like therapy would have made everything ideal. bruce isn't going to be a normal, well-adjusted adult because his parents were murdered in front of him. he could be happy! he could have coping skills! but honestly it would be weirder if he didn't wrestle with residual trauma and grief throughout his life.

and maybe this is just because i love Batman, and love specifically Batman as a symbol/figure of hope and sacrifice and the belief that every life matters, but I don't think the worst ending here is Bruce deciding to give up a lot of his time, energy, and health to work in Gotham AND then choose to parent a traumatized child and actively meet his needs. like you think the alternative is that Alfred is a better parent by getting him into non-existent therapy and then he stays comfortably wealthy at home and is just another rich dude? that's the ideal version? the one who can't help Dick Grayson because Dick Grayson wants to run away and murder a man?

anyway tl;dr alfred should have flaws, yes, but there's a big gap between "flawed human parental figure" and "man who massively failed Bruce in multiple ways, one of which was not putting him in therapy."

[bnhaobservation]

BNHA IS NOT A WORK OF SOCIETAL CRITICISM AND ITS MESSAGE IS NOT REALLY ‘OUT OF JAPAN’ FRIENDLY

When I got into BNHA, the general impression was that it was a manga doing societal criticism. When this seemed to clash with the ending people assumed BNHA lost his themes/messages. However, after long research to me it seems BNHA has more or less kept up coherent messages/themes, but, WAY TO OFTEN, they do clash with the idea other countries have of how things should be handled.

Examples (in an extremely short, overly simple and vaguely ironic way):

BULLYING

General expectation: bullying is bad/evil and should be blamed and punished, not enabled as it’s extremely damaging for the victim who will/might need support to overcome it so society should stand tall against bullying.

BNHA: bullying is due to a character flaw/weakness the bully must overcome and it’s an overall private business between him and his victim who has to overcome their trauma by (getting a Quirk) and standing up to the bully, showing they’re as good as them and don’t deserve bullying.

SCHOOL

General expectation: School is the place where we teach and help you to overcome your problems

BNHA: School is the place where we point out your problems, overcoming them is your additional problem. (All Might didn’t tell Midoriya his Quirk would break his bones when used but let him ‘figure out’ how to deal with it, U.A. keeps on setting up challenges the students have to overcome without telling them how, be it Aizawa telling Midoriya to figure out how to use his Quirk without hurting himself, All Might having the students play Heroes and Villains without telling them how FIRST or asking Midoriya to shine at the sport festival without working out a strategy and so on…)

ARRANGED MARRIAGE

General expectation: bad, people should marry for love or, at least, affinity, not because a family wants money and the other wants a baby machine with specific characteristics. That marriage shouldn’t have taken place.

BNHA: not great but since she agreed to it there's not a real problem… *shrug* and since the marriage exists, it will continue. Why should she want divorce anyway? Enji is better now.

EXPECTATIONS ON CHILDREN

General expectation: very bad, a child should be born out of love and let free to pursue his own interests, not forced into a career path to satisfy his parents’ ambitions.

BNHA: absolutely fair and society will pressure/expect you to fulfill your parents’ ambitions, follow in their footsteps, but good parents normally don’t force their child if he has other wishes for himself.

DEALING WITH GRIEF, ABUSE, NEGLECT, WHATEVER

General expectation: a victim needs support because they’re in a bad mental space and this can lead them to also do wrong things for themselves or the others. They should seek support and people around them (society) should offer it to them.

BNHA: suffer in silence without bothering anyone and man it up so as to be a Hero. If you lash out you’re a Villain and you need to be punished. Society doesn’t own you a damn thing.

PARENTS PRIORITIZE WORK OVER CHILDREN

General expectation: they shouldn’t their obligations to their children comes first.

BNHA: totally fair but this shouldn’t lead to neglect children. They should be strong enough to also take care of them so as to insure they’ll become productive and well adjusted members of society. Neglecting works though is a BIG NO, works comes first.

ANGER

General expectation: it’s fair to be angry if you get hurt or mistreated and act in response to it even though you shouldn’t break law.

BNHA: you can only get angry on the behalf of OTHERS and, in this case, you can stand up to the person who did the hurting. Otherwise you’ve to work a way to handle it.

ABUSIVE TRAINING

General expectation: abusive training is still abuse and therefore bad and needs to be stopped and the abuser to be punished.

BNHA: abusive training is not recommended but it’ll surely make you stronger. Yes, it might give you psychological problems but overcoming them is your problem. Besides, come on, you want to be a Hero, don't you? How do you think you can become one if you can't put up with it? Just say you agree to it and we won't call it abuse anymore.

PRISON, ESPECIALLY WHEN VIOLATION OF HUMAN RIGHT IS INVOLVED

General expectation: a bad place which needs reform otherwise it can’t help prisoners to become better people.

BNHA: do we want to talk of the heroic jailers that inspire their sons not to get angry (by telling them people in jail is animals)? People of course gets reformed otherwise they’re just bad people and no one will care about their human rights being violated except for the political party tied to Villains. Also, good people, given the possibility to get out of prison (by means of escaping or by legal means) would still choose to stay in prison.

SAVING

General expectation: saving means saving someone’s life and soul.

BNHA: just the soul is enough. Killing can save the person killed after all. If you’re so against killing, there’s jail and legal sentencing to death.

MURDERING ESCAPING PEOPLE

General expectation: it’s wrong and who did it needs to be punished.

BNHA: it’s right so no punishment but not nice.

CHILD NEGLECT

General expectation: you neglected your child so he has problems and he’s taking them out on society. You’re a horrible person and you need to be punished/jailed and your poor child needs help.

BNHA: you didn’t teach your child not to make troubles for us? You’re as much of a horrible person as your child. We hate you and we’ll jail/kill your child.

ABUSIVE HUSBAND/PARENT

General expectation: divorce, taking away kids and jail are recommended.

BNHA: put up with it until he changes his mind, then stay with him. Forgiving him is expected.

ARRASMENT OF GIRLS

General expectation: kick him out of the Hero school

BNHA: how fun, how hilarious, how getting girls can totally be a heroic motive!

RACISM

General expectation: it’s wrong and something should be done against it, it should be openly despised especially by whose who have public relevance. People have a right to speak up against it if they’re victims of it.

BNHA: there’s racism? We didn’t know, and you shouldn’t let us know or make us uncomfortable so wear a mask and don’t get angry about being a victim of it because if you do you’ll make us upset and we’ll handle you worse. Pretend nothing is wrong, put up with it and it’ll go away. Eventually.

SOCIETY IS DEEPLY FLAWED

General expectation: society needs reform.

BNHA: society is fine, IT DOESN’T HAVE TO CHANGE or feel bad, however if you show us you try your hardest at killing the bad guy we’ll be inspired to act nice too. Maybe also make a counseling so as to help who society would mistreat to better fit in society.

ORGANIZATION IN POWER COMMIT EXTRAJUDICIAL MURDERS TO COVER UP CRIMES

General expectation: this is very bad, it requires arrests and internal investigation, possibly closing the organization

BNHA: it’s fine, we’ll just change the president.

HAVING CHILDREN WITH YOUR WIFE WHEN SHE DISAGREES TO IT

General expectation: it’s spousal rape! It’s a crime! It needs to be punished.

BNHA: it’s fine even though it might affect negatively your wife and your other children.

RANKING PRESSURE PEOPLE IN NOT ACCEPTING TO COME SECOND OR IN GIVING UP TO TRY TO COME FIRST

General expectation: ranking is bad, not everyone can be the best but if they tried their harder this doesn’t make them less.

BNHA: let’s keep the ranking and expand it to other jobs!

WE USE THE WORD HERO NO MORE FOR A PERSON WHO IS ADMIRED FOR THEIR COURAGE, OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENTS, OR NOBLE QUALITIES BUT FOR WHO HE’S ADMIRED FOR THEIR AMAZING PAY, STRENGTH AND SOCIAL POPULARITY

General expectation: either let’s just change the job’s name to ‘special cops’/’Quirk cops’ or demand people who use it will go back on having noble values.

BNHA: let’s do nothing as deep down who become a Hero for status and money or chasing strength and girls is deep down deeply heroic and will rise to show it, eventually.

I could go on and on but, I think, you get the idea.

The problem it’s not that many of those are horrible messages… it’s that many of those are based on beliefs/laws Japanese people have/had and so the story doesn’t even bother to counter them.

BNHA isn’t a work of social criticism. It doesn’t aim to have its characters to actively CHANGE society, not in the way they just tackle society’s problems and try to change things. Bad things in society exist the same way as earthquakes. The story isn’t trying to find a way to stop earthquakes, it’s telling people they’ve to accept they exist and how they’ve to behave when they strike.

It’s a work that sees that society is the way it is and this causes people problems and fundamentally tells them they should man up and deal with them without getting angry but overcoming them and be better people. If society is inspired or not… well, that’s just up to it.

In fact in the story there’s extremely little done by the characters to drastically improve things on a general level, actually there’s just Quirk counseling (which works not on society but on the kids who might grow up mistreated by society for their Quirk and lash out at it), a general attempt at inspiring kids at being focused on other works which aren’t the Hero ones, a Hero (Shouji) getting a ‘peace prize’ for deciding to peacefully solve conflicts involving Quirk discrimination and a spreading of niceness because seeing Midoriya ‘do his best’ at murdering Tomura somehow inspired (some) people to do their best at being good (= nice) citizens… and, if I’ve to be honest, things like Quirk counseling and Shouji’s efforts, while likely ALWAYS planned, were overall poorly set up.

We can see that while Quirk counseling and Quirk discrimination were mentioned through the story, Uraraka was never involved in Quirk counseling before chap 430 and Shouji never let us know what he had in mind before chap 371. There’s not a real effort in involving the readers in those topics, they just lie in the background.

BNHA takes society problems as obstacles Heroes has to endure and overcome, not as things they’ve to solve or at least improve so as to create a new society. If you come from an abusive family, if you’re bullied, if you’re discriminate, you just endure and then go on with life trying to be a better person. Because things are hard Midoriya extends a helping hand but that’s it. He didn’t mean to produce a spread in niceness that’s not really niceness but more civil responsibility, he just happened to inspire people. Midoriya becomes the greatest Hero because he did his best to defeat a Villain, not bullying, racism or whatever of the above and the fact that he DID HIS BEST, inspired others to DO HIS BEST at being citizens of their own country. That’s it. That’s all there is.

Yes, the kids will be better people than their predecessors which will help things but that’s different from trying to go and change society actively, society just changes because it’s ‘inspired’ (and, apparently, because kids are taught how to deal with their problematic Quirks without going on a rampage).

And, that’s probably not a message that sits well with people from many different countries because we have a different take on many societal problems BNHA raises… as in we would jail many people who were committing such things, not accept sometimes people do those things for... reasons. To us they're just criminals, Villains same as the ones the kids fight... but in Japan they didn't break any law.

Credits when it’s due, BNHA is also in a way an outdated work. Laws in Japan are changing so they too aren’t accepting some things anymore but BNHA does little effort to keep up with time… if anything in some cases it changes things for worse.

I guess it should have been up to the editors to help Horikoshi stay in line with the changing times so that problems would be tackled differently compared to how they could be tackled 10 years ago… though, credits when it’s due, I saw works dated 1990/93 which tackled some of BNHA societal problems in a way that was more critical and modern than what BNHA does… but that’s because discussing societal problems was their main goal. In BNHA they’re just the setting, not the topic so, I guess, no one saw the point of tackling them which is a pity.

I think the story could have been a lot more cooler if it has tackled the issues it mentioned instead than using them just to set up the characters… but, of course, that’s just me.

[absolutechaosss]

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is how elves are shown to handle grief and trauma and how that relates to Mithruns character.

The Canaries care for Mithrun is mostly well intentioned. They legitimately like him! But it is also kind of terrible at times? Most of their care is focused on the Bare Minimum that keeps him alive and his care and comfort isn't really considered because well...to them, he's not capable of understanding it anymore.

We know this because Kabru is assigned as his care taker and Lycion comments that his hair is shinier. This means even in the stressful survival situation of the dungeon with Kabrus terrible cooking and scavenged meals, he is physically healthier than he was with the canaries.

I think it's relevant Kabru was the one to care for Mithrun this way and the one eventually realize he can be capable of new desire because Kabru is intimately familiar with how elves treat trauma. Not only was he a traumatized child but I think the most important parallel here is actually Rin.

If you haven't read her section in the Adventurers Bible, Rin is also a sole survivor of a tragic event and was taken into elven custody. She is catatonic and deeply deeply traumatized. And the elves handle it *terribly*. She's treated as goods or as an animal and she's shown to be unresponsive and not able to speak. Her recovery is directly linked to her meeting Kabru when he's brought in to help her.

Rin and Mithrun are opposites in elven society. Rin is barely a person, Mithrun isn't only an elf, but a prestigious and wealthy one. But both are survivors of horrific circumstances that hurt their ability to care for themselves and perform daily activities. And for both, it's pretty clear that it was assumed that this would become their fixed state, one where care and gentleness was pointless, because they had lost the faculties to process it.

Anyway I guess I wonder if years later when Kabru hears Mithruns story and how his condition is incurable and thus denies him personhood he thought of his. I wonder how much more quickly Mithrun may have been able to adapt to his circumstances if he wasn't told he was "broken". To me at least, Mithrun was always able to react to new things and adapt, but if everyone in the world is acting like you're basically dead and unable to ever do anything than be a weapon again yeah why wouldn't you assume that. No, I don't think Mithrun will ever be back to his former self and have all his desires back but he is able to carve out space for himself so quickly with Kabru, compared to his extensive and leas effective initial recovery with the elves. Perhaps this too is an area where their lifespans hinder them as they assume 20 years is a totally normal recovery period so why would they need to try more.

[kindaasrikal]

Absolutely everything in season 3 is furthering my opinion of how desensitised the ninja have become to things that are unbelievably tragic and traumatising.

That includes their reunions that i thought would be built up on in more private moments, their overall treatment of Jay’s situation, Pixal’s reaction to Zane being severely injured compared to Zane’s own lack of care as well as how likely it is he never told the others, and Lloyd’s everything, especially his ‘death’ in part 1 and the detached sadness and acceptance from having both Arin and Sora leave.

I think this is further supported by the idea that literally all of the new ninja are shown as incredibly more emotional, feeling grief and sadness more often/strongly than the others have been shown, as well as Ras’s justification for taking Jay in and making the ninja feel guilty in the tournament.

And i acknowledge the Ras was absolutely manipulating all of them collectively but he recognised the issue and knew its a sore spot but the ninja seemed really tired by the thought. Tired isn’t really the best word since i can’t think of another but it’s like the feelings hit but they’re just so used to it??

And i also acknowledge that the ninja DO feel guilt and regret and hurt and sadness, its more on the fact that they seemed to have gotten so used to it that they don’t really know what the appropriate way to react now is other than a quick ‘this is bad’ to another quick ‘this is getting better-aw man we gotta save the world.’

Its interesting to watch and see because they’ve still got their personalities, they’re still themselves beneath it all.

But its as if we’re finally seeing the actual affect of all those years of shared, continuous trauma.

It’s important to note that if the case was they all faced their trauma’s individually and didn’t actively see others suffering they’d probably actually be worse off, as people feel more safe and comfortable and at ease knowing there’s others who understand what they’ve been through. There’s also a possible setback to that though in that eventually you might place less importance or weight into the trauma you faced if you’re not told that this is still something that was bad even if others have gone through it as well. This isn’t something to be treated normally as if there was no trauma you faced, and moving on and growing doesn’t mean you become desensitised.

What worse is that people may take this and blame Wu, but it’s literally a cycle at this point. Who knows how the Fsm reacted or treated his trauma when i doubt he actually had many people he could talk to or even feel equal too. Garmadon is Garmadon obviously but the ninja haven’t been around him as often as they have with Wu, who was in the same exact position as them. Saving people constantly and sacrificing your own well being for the greater good, eventually becoming desensitised and not realising how you’ve begun to put less weight into everything that’s happened to you and therefore not as much weight onto other’s trauma as long as your alive and around them.

I mean have we ever really seen a big reaction to Wu losing his brother who he loved constantly over years? Not anymore. It’s equal to the ninja’s own reactions in the fact that they care and it hurts, but it’s mixed with a sense of familiarity.

Let’s look at it in the perspective of how they react or treat Jay’s whole situation. Reminder that i have not watched dr season 3 part 2, but i have seen some talk about it.

We all noticed how the ninja obviously do care about the situation with Jay, but they also seem so much calmer than most would think they would when handling such a situation. Not calm in the sense that they’re like ‘aww okay guess Jay’s lost his memory, we’ll fix that eventually’ but in the sense that they feel the weight of the situation on them and they’re just used to it.

And like, they are.

Imagine the weird effect that would actually have on Jay/Rogue because this guys has this trauma and its his ONLY trauma and its effecting him greatly and you have the ninja giving weirdly mixed signals.

Imagine Zane just going like “Jay, i understand what you’re going through. The pain and suffering of not knowing who you are will always haunt me like how it is you, but it doesn’t mean you cannot heal and grow into becoming someone you love.”

And Jay’s literally about to cry or crash out and then “-Anyways, i think theres a bomb in the monastery, do you wanna go fix that with me?? If not we can bake cookies instead later :D” as if he didn’t just drop the most jaw dropping advice and lore drop ever.

Man they gotta get some serious therapy the ninja might just die and act like nothing happened atp.

Season 3 part1: well.

MANNNNN this got unbearably long and it’s probably horribly written to the point I’m either completely wrong and sounds like a mess or my point just doesn’t even come across. Forgive me i have gotten lazy 🙏

[evilminji]

You know my Crechelings Are Possessed post?

What if it was just the one? A SI-OC or OC?

Dying and going THROUGH the Force? I will attest, is GONNA have side effects. You're gonna end up... weird. Not Normal for a Force Sensitive. Kinda like Anikin tbh. A bit TOO in tune. A bit TOO aware. Connected.

As though your brain was cracked open 5+ dimensionally, to the Whole Of Creation that IS the Force and it kinda fucked you up a bit. Cause as A Luminous Force Being? You were fine! Energy and light! But as MATTER? Well...

Matter breaks.

Can withstand only so much.

We are LIMITED by our matter, crude and flawed as it is. Beloved as it may be.

Cause make no mistake! You aren't BROKEN. But you are CHANGED. There were a series of clear, monumentous, and "life" altering events back to back here! Death, a traumatizing thing no matter HOW peaceful it may have been. And in all likelihood? It was NOT a peaceful end. It probably? Hurt. Was frightening. Abrupt. There is grief and hurt there. Fear.

Then the trauma of being separated from everyone we have ever known. Without closure. For them OR us. Our empathy would remind us of their suffering. That they do NOT know we are okay. That we have no way to TELL them we are. This too, is trauma. But? Worse?

Is the Force.

We? Are no Jedi. Not yet. We are confused. Lost and do not understand. It is FOREIGN to us. An outside will that we cannot escape. Where are our gods? The death we expected? The afterlife we assumed we would meet? It's INSIDE US. It IS US. We are IT. We don't know where we are and everything feels?

E N D L E S S .

Can force ghosts even cry? Weep, terrified and overwhelmed? Afraid? Simply BRINGING us to them would not impart understanding. And imparting understanding? Well... we know it to be not OF us? To be inflicted. An invasion. The Force is not cruel. But! Importantly! It is not and has never BEEN? Mortal.

Blue and Orange morality is at play. How do you explain to a formless, infinite, all knowing, all powerful God Force? The concept of "boundaries"? Limits? There is GOOD to be done. It's helping you! Pushing love and comfort! Surely that should work? Why is that not working? It is... confused. Not MADE for such contemplations.

This too, is Trauma. Being held in the hands of a God. Benevolent does not mean SAFE. Does not mean you will not be unharmed. Just... that they do not MEAN to harm you.

Or have very Good Reasons for why they "Must".

The Force Ghosts help. They are patient in the way only old Master's could be. Kind. They understand. Have taught. And so? Though they are quite confused, they understand you struggle to release your fear. Explaining things helps. Talking helps. And you find peace.

Not the afterlife you EXPECTED, but not terrible.

Which... of course, is when once again things change.

Birth, Life, these TOO, are Trauma. You were FREE. No more pain. No aches. No hunger, no thirst, no exhaustion. Connection deeper then this broken and flawed matter could ever hope to achieve. The world has gone SILENT. Muffled. Like solitary confinement for the SOUL.

Only in meditation, are you FREE.

Your parents can't handle you. You grieve for them. For the child they should have had. Look around the nursery, so filled with excitement and love, and feel nothing but the urge to weep. You are a stillborn, brought to life. A child stolen. They deserved better then this. Even as you can not be anything but what you ARE? What of THEIR sorrow? Their confusion and futures now impossible?

You love them. They are not yours. Will never tryely be your parents, for all they brought you into this world. But oh, Oh, you love these poor grieving souls. Wish it had not been you. That they could have had the child they were so excited to love. You... you are sorry. So, so sorry.

They take you to the Temple. You guild them to a child in need, first. Hope they will be happy.

You do not look back.

They put you in a Creche with others just as "Unusually Strong" in the Force. Is that Grogu? Hi Grogu. Who are the rest of you? The room is quite. Everyone talking loudly in the Force, instead. It would be deafening for the more delicate younglings. They don't have the shields for it yet. The children here SHOUT without meaning too, like standing at a rock concert.

Visions are a constant thing. Unusual Force gifts and manifestations. Illirrrska can see auras. Doesn't know what they MEAN, mind you, and xe sees them on EVERYTHING that lives, but still! Xey are well on xeir way to figuring it out. (Xey have a holo document cataloging the colors, you see.)

You fit right in! With your Tiny Herald Of Death To Come nature. Your Creche mates believe you. The adults? Have grown numb. Used to filtering. Tiny younglings with Too Much Force flowing through them? Are horrors. Viscerally unsettling. Unnatural.

Even to the Jedi.

But! They REFUSE to treat children with such caution and distain. Hold them at an arms length out of FEAR. So they mentally filter. "That's nice dear, horrifying concepts and brain melting secrets, mmmhmmm. Eat your pudding. Who wants to play float ball~‽ Yaaaaaay!"

No one will listen. Future in motion. But really, of course it is. You are no fool.

However... tell me, Master Jedi. Does it matter? If we die one step to the right as apposed to the left? Because you would not LISTEN when the Force spoke? The future only changes when you ACT. Not when you REFUSE too. Out of FEAR. Out of IGNORANCE. Out of ATTACHMENT.

And make no mistake, you ARE attached. Clinging so hard to your beliefs that you could not POSSIBLY be wrong. Could not POSSIBLY be fallible, be fooled by the Dark Side and lead astray, that you have turned your back on the very Tennants of the Code itself.

What is more important? Tradition or the Force? The innocent or the way things were? Tell me, what is the will of the Force... and what is Fear? Convenience? The little moral compromises that damn? Who do you serve, Master Jedi? And ARE you serving them?

Perhaps you should meditate.

Just???

This Tiny Cryptid Crecheling? That speaks like a wizened old Master? Feels like a tiny star in the Force? Not a cute lil ball of light. A FUCKING STAR. Giant ball of gas in space, a burning ball of light, THAT kind of star! But... small? Person shaped. It's like meditating next to a Force Nexus.

They just? Hand you things. Or sabotage random ships. Literally just FUCKING SHOT a knight once, for no clear reason! All they would say is "it's not like you'll actually listen. This is the only way." What? Of COURSE WE'LL LISTEN! (No. They won't. Just ask Sifo. Ask Obi-Wan. The Sith, fear, and hubris have eroded the Jedi from within.)

The full blown confidence of an adult? Combined with the creepy "oh god. They're in THE VENTS!!!" Nature of highly force sensitive Crechelings?

Magnificent~☆

They can see into your SOUL. Are holding a toddler that squirms around, wiggles up to whisper in their ear, gets a nod, only for YOU to be somberly informed that your second in command (a life long friend) has betrayed you. Avoid wearing red. You will die on a Friday. By the way, they can't reach the counter... could you hand them those snacks?

One of the other one speaks to trees.

The trees SPEAK BACK.

Prophecy. Fuckin Terrifying Prophecy EVERYWHERE.

Did YOU want to know that your grandson will grow up to kill his brother? No? Too bad! Not even married yet? ALSO TOO BAD! Have FUN with that knowledge! How about learning that there is horrific suffering planets away? No. No there ISN'T anything you can do about it. Just... here! Have some Deeply Cursed Knowledge. From a toddler. Now! They're gonna go eat grass~☆

The appear and disappear at random. Climb the walls. Fuckin FLOAT. The Force itself is their imaginary friend! They literally consult it over PUDDING CHOICES. Sometimes? They talk in perfect synchronization, like a hive mind. Stare without blinking. One moment they are perfectly normal children... the next? Like PUPPETS.

Tiny avatars. Through which SOMETHING GREATER speaks. They KNOW, not think, KNOW what they need to do. You can not convince them. Trying just makes you an obstacle to be overcome.

They are four.

Toddlers and children. Younglings. Initiates!

I just? Want there to be? A portion of Deeply Cursed/Possessed Crechelings? That are just LIKE that. Loved regardless. Nothing wrong with them. They're just too strong for their lil bitty baby brains. Once they learn to shield better? It'll balance out. Anikin would have gone there, had he been found young.

It'd be hilarious? If what saves the galaxy? Is someone finally REMEMBERING that? And thinking to themselves?

"Hey, you know what might be good for that Skywalker kid? Being exposed to more Force Sensitives that GET him. We should put him on Cursed Crechelings duty for a bit." And??

Anikin? Is in LOVE? They are all so SMOL an NORMAL? Finally! Jedi who aren't EMOTIONALLY DISTANT! Shielded? What do mean "Shielded"? No I'm not shouting all the time! This is my normal speaking voice! *Skywalker confusion as he cuddles babies*

Cause like? He too? Spoke in horrifying prophecy? Was vaguely Anti-christ-y? Did the (o.o) see into your sooooooul stare? So WHAT? That's just how babies ARE!

.....what do you MEAN "no"?

Every day, throwing open Obi-Wan's poor, slowly being destroyed, front door like "Master! Did you know I am AN OUTLIER!? And REALLY LOUD!? Other people aren't emotionally crippled psychopaths, they're just really REALLY quite compared to me!!" "Ah. Yes, Anikin, please. Maybe say that LOUDER. I don't think the ENTIRE temple quite heard you... -_- "

Just?? Anikin Skywalker! And his Hoard of Creepy Possessed Crechelings that are TOTALLY NORMAL, Guys! All kids are like this! He's a GREAT role model and baby sitting! Yeah, it's the Clone wars, and no, he has NO idea how the entire Creche got onto the ship... but hey! Enrichment! That's good for them, right?

(^-^) (o.o) (|o.o|) (o,o) (o-o) (|o,o|)

*clones look from their general, to the tiny unblinking magic jedi babies, back to their general* s-sure?

@legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @babbling-babull @hdgnj @hypewinter @leftnotright @starwarsblr

[flw3rrr]

Accepting grief

paring : Joel miller x reader

Summary: In which reader struggles to accept the loss of Joel, letting grief and trauma take over, desperate to find solace.

warnings: Mentions of blood, Angst, drinking to conceal emotions, PTSD, death, No y/n mentioned, Reader accepts the loss and heartbreak at the end, no description of reader (if anything is missed please let me know and i’ll add it💖)

Word count: 2.3k

A/n: It’s been quite some time since i’ve written something, crazy things in life happened so this may be a little rusty. but enjoy (i cried writing this)

Divider by: @cafekitsune

“Joel!” The loud wind from the snowstorm made it impossible to understand what words were being spoken. The distance is barely visible, huddling to yourself trying to keep some warmth inside your body. You left Jackson twenty minutes ago, with the deep urge to go out and find him.

Thoughts of losing Joel makes your heart race. Both having a somewhat normal life now to experience meant everything to you.

Just ahead you see a cabin almost looking abandoned. Carefully sliding off your horse, grabbing your pistol, and quietly walking around for the back door. Noticing fresh footprints and a cracked door puts your guard up even higher than it was.

The sound of grunts and cries allows your feet to move faster. Approaching the door, leaning against it, listening for anything.

“Please dont do this!” ellie begged. 

Thoughts ran through, body still as a stone statue. Possible outcomes of how to handle the situation ran through your mind. Taking deep breaths in and gripping your gun, you opened the door, shooting anyone you saw standing up.

Aiming for anybody until you were pushed down onto the floor by a man fighting him, desperately trying to get out of his grip, kicking, wiggling, anything to escape the hold. But by the grace of God, you managed to grab a shard of glass, cutting him right through, pushing him off; his blood was now on you.

After looking at the man who just attacked you, your head turned to Joel… just barely missing the sight of the girl.

His face, his body, barely even there. Blood covered every part of his face. You were stuck, unable to move. Breathshivering, stuck. Until suddenly a loud sound happened, breaking you out of the frozen trance. Noticing the girl right before you fall onto the wooden floor.

Blinking, You turned and saw Ellie, gun raised. Watching her go to Joel, crying for him to get up. He never did, and you feel your own heart break into thousands of pieces. It wasn’t until now that your own body broke down. Falling onto your knees, tears flowing down. Nothing could ever prepare you for this.

_________________________________

It has been weeks since Joel has been gone. Which means you’ve been without him for longer than you ever have been without him. He’s not there when you wake up, he’s not there when you go to bed, and he’s not even there to visit your dreams.

‘Damn you, Joel.’ You thought. ‘you leave me, but can’t even visit me in my sleep.’

Taking a sip of the drink you held didn’t fully give you what you wanted, but it was enough for now. People’s words of sympathy and advice are all you’ve heard the past few days. You knew they were trying to help, but words never bring people back, so you just thank them and walk on off.

Many people were worried about you, though, taking to the bottle more than usual, avoiding them, and staying home. The only place you had never visited, though, was Joel’s grave. It hurt knowing he lays six feet under, looking the same way he looked on the day of. His scars and wounds still on him.

It sickened you never being able to visit him; you wouldn’t see him, only his stone. That’s why you never left to see him on the day of his funeral; you never showed. Never liking the thought of burials and how their lifeless body stayed there forever. Nobody told you how it was; they knew you didn’t wish to know.

Every topic leading to him you avoided like the plague, but the only person you ever spoke about him with was Ellie. Knowing she was just as hurt as you, allowing her to open up to you if needed. But for others, his name never existed. The fear of talking about him allows flashbacks to appear. swarming back, reliving it once more.

You’ve worn some of his clothes for his smell, but not every day due to the fear of it going away so quickly. But right now it’s eleven pm. You planning to head to the bar for a drink and wash the pain and hopefully get a good sleep tonight later on. 

Slipping on your own boots, along with his coat, you begin to make your way to the bar for a drink. The quiet sound of snow crunching beneath your feet along with the wind howling calms you down. Never have felt calm before he passed. Almost like the earth’s way of trying to soothe you and convince you to turn back home. But you never turned back home; you just kept on walking. 

Once you had arrived, you took your place at one of the stools. It was quiet aside from the small chatting from the few left behind. It’s what you needed after everything: nobody telling you they were sorry for your loss and that they were there if you needed anything. It was almost as if it was a script given to everybody for them to rehearse just for your own ears.

Memories fled back to old parties taking place, small and soft ones that were held very dearly in your heart. sharing drinks with Joel and teasing him on how he should join the others for a dance, but of course that always ends with him rejecting the idea. But the most special part of that time was when he agreed, but only if it was with you instead.

Thinking about it, that was the best dance you ever had with him. The way his one hand lay around your waist as the other held your hand, never wanting to leave the moment you felt finally safe here in Jackson with him. Wanting to spend the rest of your entire life with him, perhaps your own family, if not, then you’d possibly own a couple of dogs and cats.

Lost in your own thoughts, a tap brought you back to reality, a reality where Joel no longer existed. Looking back, you noticed one of your friends. Not really a close friend but somebody who can relate to your own pain and suffering, Lily. She too had lost somebody she loved dearly, her husband gone for about four years. She’s never said how he passed, saying it was too brutal.

“Hey, how have you been doing lately?” She asked with sincerity in her face. It felt nice knowing she too understood that hearing words of sympathy over and over can be tiring and that wanting to be asked how you were is something you wanted more.

“Not sure, really. It could be better, though.” It was all truth. You weren’t really sure how you were at this moment, but you know it’s not how you normally feel. All the mental pain that clouds over your body drains everything from you, not being able to stand or even eat at times. It kept eating at you. Nothing could help, not even tears. You refused many times to accept that Joel was gone forever.

Lily just looked at you, examining your body and face, reading you like an open book. She knew what it felt like, and she saw that somebody just like her at one time needed help just like she did. Gently she put her hand over yours, her thumb softly stroking your hand, comforting in a way you thought.

“It’s hard, I understand. You refuse to acknowledge that somebody you love deeply is gone forever, and it ruins you for days, weeks, and years.” Each word Lily spoke was filled with honesty, careful to pick the correct wording but still comforting.

Listening to her words was hard to hear, but by some means, you listened.

“If we continue to ignore what pains us, scares us. It ruins our mentality even more than the actual death, and no matter how hard you try to hide from it, it never goes away.” She was right. You tried to hide away from the facts and fear. But deep down, it was nagging at you constantly. Evening affecting your own dreams.

Taking a sip of the drink you held, you then looked at her, eyes watery, drained, and tired. “So how do I fix what pains me? What do I need to take or do so that I may get rest from this?” The desperate need to get help is what you needed the most. That day is the only memory of him that clouds you endlessly.

“It’s not easy, but you have to face whatever bothers you most. Perhaps something he owned or anything. Confronting it slowly helps you fully grasp and understand that it’s alright to move on.” Those words were all you needed to hear to realize what you had to do. Needing to visit his grave and process he’s no longer on this earth.

“How long do you think it would take for me to accept?” The fear of never accepting the loss laid upon you. Hoping if there is an afterlife, you secretly beg the spirits to help you along.

Lily softly smiled at you. “That is up for you to decide when you’re ready to accept him being gone and let it help you continue growing into somebody better than you were before. Who knows? You may accept it after a few hours or even months.” Her words processed in your brain for a moment before you understood. You realized she was giving advice to you that she was never given back then, hoping to make yours go by quicker and easier.

“I understand. Thank you, Lily. I’ll keep your words in mind and maybe try it out.” With one last sincere smile and hug, you left. It was going on at one in the morning, half of the town away and sleeping safely. While walking, you noticed you were right by the cemetery where he lays. Everything was quiet and still aside from the wind, almost as if it was telling you to enter. Perhaps it was a sign to try it out now?

Perhaps with nobody around and just you in the night and the calm cold, it would help you. As if on cue, your body automatically began its way inside the cemetery. You saw nobody aside from headstones and flowers and letters everywhere. It was almost as if everything left you inside, leaving ultimate peacefulness within you. As if you had just passed on as well.

Even though you weren’t there to see him buried, you knew where he was. You walked right up to read his headstone. “Joel Miller.” Standing there in silence, you just observed, taking in the detail of how the wood was carved. Slowly sitting on your knees, your eyes look at the flowers that lay on his spot. From so many people that may never have known him like you did but still felt the pain just as you, Tommy, and Ellie did.

Not knowing what to do, unsure if you should just look or talk, emotions overwhelming your body, tears begin to flowdown. Not a sobbing cry, a quiet and simple one. “Damn it, Joel, why did you have to try to be a hero and save somebody?” 

Even though you tried to sound angry, you couldn’t help but crack a smile out of it. He always would try to save somebody he never knew, and that’s why you loved him dearly. “You know I’ve been crazy since you’ve been gone, Joel. I’m not really sure how to act without you by my side every day.” It was the truth, hating waking up every day and not seeing him right by you still asleep.

“You go on and die without me and yet can’t even visit my own dreams. What’s up with that, Joel?” A smile still lays upon your face, the wind blowing more, moving the trees. Perhaps it’s a way of him showing you that he is laughing? Whatever sign it is, you’ll take it. Comfort from him in any form possible is what you need the most right now, and you’ll take this one too.

“Joel, you know I miss you dearly and still love you. You were the only person I’d ever want to grow old with and die with.” Silence. Nothing but your own breathing and the wind could be heard, but it was almost like a blessing. Something you’ve never had for a long time. Peace.

Peace at last laid upon you, and it felt like you were being hugged. Maybe this was a way for Joel to let you know that everything would be alright. Perhaps you finally accepted the truth that he would no longer be with you physically but still with you mentally. Cherishing this moment, you closed your eyes, picturing Joel just as he was before he was taken.

You knew now that it was time to accept him being gone, to let his spirit rest so that you both can go different ways in different universes. Before leaving, you left one of your rings that you wore every day; it was one of his favorites. commenting on how he loved how it looked on you. It was time for you to give him something to take with him on his new journey.

Slowly getting up and turning back and making your way home, you felt cleaner, calmer, and at full peace. Perhaps now Joel can be at peace now that you released your own pain. It was time to start anew and join back with others and maybe guide others who had lost someone they loved.

That night as you got ready for bed, getting all comfortable and situated, you enjoyed the feeling of being able to go to sleep like you did before, with no fear, anger, or sadness. Comfort is all you felt, and as you drifted off, you felt like Joel was right with you. And that night you had a dream with him in a beautiful garden, sunny and calming. That’s when you knew. 

You’d finally accepted your own grief.

[yourstrulynameless]

My biggest fear is falling for the fanonised version of characters that I don’t see the in depth personalities they have anymore

Cypher’s mental state is such an easy thing to get wrong it’s hard to find fics that characterise it right, or at least in my opinion

That’s not to say I think all ooc fics are bad! No! What’s the point of fanfics if you don’t make your lil guys do shit they aren’t supposed to??

But back on topic, I think Cypher’s grief is another thing that’s handled so broadly from fic to fic

Sometimes he doesn’t seem to be weighed by it at all, sometimes it causes him to fear things and drown in self loathing because of it, sometimes he’s so mentally separated from his trauma that ‘Cypher’ and ‘Amir’ are two wholly different people. It’s interesting to see how sensitive or insensitive they make Cypher himself with this

Is there a right way to portray it? Honestly hard to say, but there are fics that I read that instead of feeling right they just don’t feel wrong— Y’know what I mean???

In my analysis of him, he’s clearly still not past Nora and his family (I have thoughts about the possible world they’re alive but that’s for a different post). I know grief doesn’t go away, not his type at least, but it does get easier with time. This leads me to believe that Cypher’s wife hasn’t been dead for too many years at this point— I’ve always imagined Cypher having been part of current day protocol for a couple of years after getting himself together, so I want to say she hasn’t been dead for over 10 years yet.

I think that Cypher, or rather, Amir was a lover. Like heart and soul he loved. It’s not that uncommon of a belief that when someone dies, the person their spouse was dies with them. Is this the case with Cypher? I think he believes that.

I think Cypher believes the man Amir was is long dead. But I also think he’s wrong. I think that for as much as he is a cruel man with all he has said and done, he is still a lover. Why else would seeing Bind make him so angry? It’s because he still loves it.

Amir may be dead to him, but ‘he’s’ still alive. Which person does that ‘he’ belong to? I don’t think that matters.

Whether Cypher is (still?) depressed, or only silently grieving, or maybe even healing, he’s alive. No matter his state I believe he knows his family wants him to continue living. He can’t break a final promise to them.

My only wish is for fanfic writers to not write him like some shaken up teenager because he is in fact a grown ass man that has lived through the streets and wouldn’t break down the same way normal people would. I’d imagine he’s much more gruff than that.

Related, there’s a single action that was portrayed in a fic I saw about him that feels very not wrong. In it he’s sitting at a bar with the other agents all celebrating a well done mission. In it he is being consumed by paranoia. Does his breathing spike? Does he sweat? Does he feel like throwing up? No. Instead, he simply drums his fingers and disguises the anxiety as boredom.

Because that’s what he does.

He hides.

[twilightkitkat]

Why do I prefer Poolverine over X Reader ships?

I love Logan and he's genuinely my type, but the issue I tend to have with x reader fanfics is the power dynamic? Like Logan will be this dominant older guy and Y/N is his princess and that's cool but... why does he like me? I'm not offering anything in this dynamic, he's just doing everything while I blush and squirm a little.

The main appeal of Y/N is supposedly her looks and kindness. But he can find that pretty much anywhere, so why me? And it fails to resonate with me because I'm not exceptionally pretty or outstandingly kind. Not enough to justify him letting down his walls and choosing me of all people, when I wouldn't understand his trauma if I didn't see it on a screen.

The thing is this: while I love him as a character and he's my type, there's no way he'd choose me or I'd choose him. I just can't see it realistically happening. I'm not a violent person, I couldn't keep a foothold in his world or hold my own. He'd have to protect me but I couldn't even offer much in return because I wouldn't understand him. I couldn't break down his walls and I wouldn't have the patience to do that. A "normal" person would have no shot with Logan.

And that's why I ship Poolverine. Because Wade matches Logan in a way no "normal" person or love interest could. He's violent and insane and meets Logan's snarling with a grin. He understands Logan's trauma, has been through human experimentation himself and knows how to calm him down from a nightmare or PTSD episode. He can empathize with his struggles and relates to Logan in a way I never could. He shares Logan's grief and fear of losing people, and the two are able to move past it together because they understand each other so well.

Logan is a tired, lonely, and pessimistic immortal asshole who's sick of the world. Who's sick of losing people. He closed himself off because he couldn't handle another loss or liability. He's able to move past that with Wade because Wade is immortal, too. He doesn't run the risk of losing him when he's here to stay.

Most importantly, Wade looked past Logan's violence and prickly demeanor to see the empty and wounded man he really was. He was able to push past the vitriol and the death threats and the fighting to reach out to Logan and get through to him. With brute force and a strong will, Wade pulled Logan out of his shell. Then he looked at him, stripped bare and vulnerable, and cradled him in his arms while bringing him into his home.

Could we say the same? That we'd disregard our own safety and life to try to reach out to someone who only cursed us out? That we'd be willing to look past Logan's surface-level act when our neck was on the line? That we'd be willing to incur his wrath or stand beside him in the face of danger to begin with?

Here's the thing: Wade isn't a hero. But he saved Logan anyway, just because he wanted to. He was willing to sacrifice himself for Logan even when he had a family waiting on him. He'd fight for him. He'd die for him.

Wade might not be the prettiest or the kindest, but he's Logan's equal. And that's the thing Logan needs most.

[hyacinthusmemorial]

is it only me, who goes like "Apollo must have flashback to hyacinth dying , when he saw Achilles and dead Patroclus,

Am I the only one who thinks of this? Okay

If that’s your personal head canon, go right ahead. Believe what you want to, nobody will stop you. 👍😉 I think its definitely a sweet sentiment, and a fun little brain worm.

But, I don’t think Apollo would react that way for for quite a few reasons. The first is mythology and the second is psychology and the third is genre.

The mythological reason is that Apollo is directly and purposefully responsible for Patroclus’s death, and he definitely hates Achilles. Like actually. The List of Top Ten People Apollo hates has Achilles twice on it. If he was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Achilles, and he had a gun with two bullets in it, he would shoot Achilles twice. He wants Achilles to suffer, and when Patroclus dies he tells Hector that he’s the third guy to kill him, but Apollo was the first to kill him. Because I think everyone in the Trojan war knows Apollo and Achilles hate each other. Apollo because Achilles murdered his sons (plural) and Achilles because he knows Apollo’s going to kill him. Reasons for their bitter rivalry can be found in this post here. There are more probably too.

As far as the psychological aspect, let’s assume Apollo’s psyche is like a human’s (which I do not think it totally is, but that’s another post). Trauma and Grief are two completely separate experiences. Grief is a normal human thing which we are given excellent coping skills to overcome by nature. People die. It’s a fact of life. But, HOW people die can be traumatic. For example, if your in a war and you watch your buddy die from a mine exploding and he doesn’t die right away, that’s traumatic. The grief is still separate from the trauma. Its closely aligned, but its separate. Trauma on the other hand is a situation that humans are not equipped to handle—its a situation outside the psychological norm. So our brain adapts normally to an abnormal situation.

I think the only true similarity between Patrochilles/Hyapollo deaths is that they were gay and one of them died before the other. If anything, Apollo was feeling a little vindictive when Patroclus died. He was the arm of fate that killed Patroclus, and Achilles absolutely deserved the death and destruction of everything he held dear in my POV. He was a serial assaulter and a war criminal.

Another reason why flashbacks just don’t work is because flashbacks are a trauma response. I think there’s a separate issue where one might live in the memories of a loved one’s passing, but that’s separate from a flashbacks. Flashbacks from PTSD are when the subconscious fear overwhelms the conscious. It requires a trigger, which can be anything and sinister—subtle and terrible. We know from the ancient authors that one of Apollo’s trigger is a westerly wind. @gingermintpepper had an excellent post providing several sources about Apollo’s approach to Hyacinthus and Asclepius’s deaths.

A flashback is a fear response in a situation that does not require this response based off of a trigger that puts the sub-conscious into a flight/fight mode and makes someone relive a previous traumatic experience. So for example Apollo might feel a western wind and relive Hyacinthus’s death or fear that Zephyrus is about to hurt him or the person he is with. This also depends on coping skills, and whether the person has developed grounding skills to put them back in the present.

I don’t believe that the situation with Patroclus/Achilles is triggering in the right way to elicit a flashback in Apollo. Patroclus and Achilles deaths are pretty different from Hyacinthus’s. So even if he had a grief response it would be minimal. At least from my perspective, one of my parents died when I was a child, and I had to take care of them while they were sick. I take care of a lot of sick people in my day to day, and I will say I rarely ever experience something that puts me back into the mode I was in when my parent died. I walk past the room my parent died in sometimes, cause I work in the hospital that they died in, and I am alright because I recognize the situation and I’m able to accept they died there. Alternatively, what does illicit a response in me is a certain smell my parent had when they were dying. I recognize it in patients sometimes, and I can have a visceral response to that, but again, I have learned how to appropriately deal with these sorts of things because “improve, adapt, overcome.”

Trauma is absolutely just a part of living in the world. Everyone has their own life story and troubles and triggers and struggles. But I don’t think Apollo/Hyacinthus connects to Patroclus/Achilles in any intense way.

Alternatively, I think perhaps something Apollo might have a more visceral response to is Hermes and Crocus, who are quite nearly the same dang story. That’s Apollo’s brother, and he loses someone the same way Apollo lost someone. That would open up gateways of intense suffering.

As far as genre goes, Apollo and Hyacinthus have a horror story parading as a romance story. Zephyrus is a sinister, invisible monster—he causes violence in a place where violence does not belong. On the other hand, Patroclus/Achilles is a war story—violence is expected. They both absolutely knew they were going to fie in that war, so their agony is expected from the beginning. Hyacinthus’s loss is unexpected and therefore, grievous. Not that losing your lover/cousin in a war is less horrific—it’s just prepared for, while losing your lover in a meadow while playing discus is…not.

I don’t mean that your personal view is wrong in anyway. Apollo is a divine character and anybody can have any view of him they would like. A lot of people view him as the antagonist of the Iliad and Achilles’ story, which to me, he just isn’t. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love perspectives and opinions. I like sharing mine, so I love it when people share theirs.

[sirensslament]

RUIN jeremy gilbert x reader

summary!: Jeremy Gilbert has always been a walking tragedy, blood on his hands, ghosts in his lungs. When he disappears into the woods for another reckless hunt, you go after him, even knowing how often he tries to push you away. But under the moonlight and soaked in violence, something breaks between you both. What begins as an argument spirals into something raw, desperate, and real, something that might finally make him want to live.

Pairing: hunter!jeremygilbert x femalehuman!reader

Trope: hurt/comfort, friends-to-something-more, mutual pining, emotionally repressed idiot x the only person who sees him

Genre: slight angst, action, smut, emotional intensity

Note: based on this request <3

Word count: 2.6k

fic warnings!: violence, blood (non-sexual), canon trauma, grief, guilt, emotional repression, semi-public setting, strong language, mental health themes (self-worth, death wish implication)

smut warnings!: oral sex (m&f), rough sex against a tree, dom!jeremy, light choking (consensual), hair pulling, dirty talk praise/degradation, overstimulation, semi-public sex, emotional breakdown sex, jeremy being feral and a little unhinged.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The woods feel different tonight.

You notice it the second your boots crunch down on the mossy underbrush, branches whispering like they know something you don’t. The air is thick, humid in that Southern, late-summer way, but beneath the heat, there’s something colder. Something wrong.

Terribly wrong.

You push forward anyway, your flashlight slicing through the darkness in a narrow beam. The grip of your blade is still warm in your hand from the last time you used it. Not on a vampire, not tonight, but the way Mystic Falls has been lately, you know it’s only a matter of time.

And you know he’s out here.

Jeremy Gilbert.

Vampire hunter.

Walking trauma magnet.

Elena’s little brother, but only in name these days. There’s nothing little or soft about him anymore, not since he came back from the dead with darkness etched behind his eyes. Not since the hunter’s mark burned itself across his skin like a brand.

You haven’t seen him since yesterday, when he’d muttered something vague about “tracking movement east of the Falls” and disappeared before you could make him promise not to do anything stupid. Again. Typical Jeremy.

Now it’s past midnight. You’ve called him twice. Texted four times. Silence.

So you come looking.

The smell hits you before anything else, metallic, thick.

Before all of this, before you knew of the supernatural, when you thought your life was simple and normal, you never knew how poignant the smell of blood could be.

You also never knew how often that smell would linger around you.

More Jeremy than you, actually. Since he himself says that everyone keeps dying on him.

Everyone but you, you want to tell him. But every time you try to get close to him, to show that you care, he pushes you away. Like he hates you, or worse, hates the thought of losing you.

That smell again.

Blood.

It weaves through the night like a warning. You slow your steps, muscles tensing, and flick the flashlight off. Your human ears do the rest. A sharp crack in the distance. A grunt. Something heavy hitting the ground.

You know how stupid you look. A human, alone in the woods with nothing but a mere flashlight, surrounded by a sea of trees, trapped in a town full of anything a nightmare would dream of.

But you're here for Jeremy, you remind yourself.

You move faster.

The clearing appears suddenly, like the trees just give up trying to keep you out. You step through the last wall of brush and freeze.

He’s there.

Jeremy’s crouched low beside a fallen body, chest heaving, shirt soaked through with sweat and crimson streaks that you hope aren’t his. One hand grips the handle of a bloodied stake buried in what used to be a vampire’s heart. The other shakes slightly as he yanks it free.

“Jeremy,” you breathe.

His head snaps up. His eyes, wild, dark, not right, lock onto yours. You see the moment he registers you. The way his entire body tenses like you’re another threat. Then, slowly, the tension drains from his shoulders, replaced by something worse: exhaustion.

Resignation.

He stands, legs unsteady, and wipes the back of his hand across his mouth. “What are you doing out here?”

His voice is rougher than usual, like he hasn’t spoken in hours. It scrapes against your nerves.

You step closer. “I could ask you the same thing. You went dark. Again.”

“I had it handled.”

You scoff, gesturing to the body. “Yeah, clearly.”

His jaw tightens, but he doesn’t argue. Instead, he turns away, grabbing his bag off the ground and slinging it over his shoulder. You catch the wince he tries to hide and immediately move to his side.

“Jeremy, stop.”

“I said I’m fine.”

“You always say that,” you snap, grabbing his arm.

His muscles go rigid beneath your fingers. For a second, he doesn’t move. Just stands there, breathing hard, like he’s deciding whether to shake you off or let himself crumble.

You look at him, really look at him, and your heart sinks.

There’s a shallow gash running along his ribs, tearing through the side of his shirt and leaking blood in a steady trail down his hip. His knuckles are split, crusted in red. There’s a bruise forming on his cheekbone, angry and violet beneath the moonlight. But it’s not the physical damage that gets to you. It’s his eyes.

There’s a storm behind them.

“You could’ve died out here,” you say quietly.

He laughs. It's humorless. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Jeremy.”

“I said I had it under control.”

“No,” you bite out, stepping in front of him. “You never have it under control. You throw yourself into these hunts like you’re trying to get killed. Like maybe you think you should.”

The words hang between you like fog, heavy and cold.

He finally looks at you. Really looks at you. His eyes soften just enough to make your stomach twist.

“I’m not trying to die,” he says, voice low. “I’m trying to make it mean something.”

You shake your head, tears stinging hot behind your eyes. “And what happens when it’s not enough? When your death doesn’t fix anything? What do we do when Elena finds your dead body? What do we do then, Jeremy?”

His silence is the only answer he gives you.

And it hurts, how much he doesn’t say. How much he carries in that quiet suffering he thinks no one sees. But you do. You’ve always seen it.

Without thinking, you reach out and press your hand against his chest, right over the place his heart thuds beneath the blood-soaked cotton. His breath catches.

“I came out here because I care about you,” you say, voice shaking. “Because if something happened to you, I’d—”

“Don’t,” he cuts in, harsh. But his hand comes up to wrap around your wrist, holding it against him. Like he needs the contact more than he wants to admit. “Don’t say that. Not unless you mean it.”

“I do.”

You don’t even blink when you say it. Because it’s the truth. Every word.

For a long moment, there’s only the sound of crickets, wind in the trees, your ragged breathing.

Then, something breaks in him.

His mouth is on yours before you can speak again, hot, urgent, messy. There’s blood on his lips, but you don’t care. You taste sweat and desperation and something that feels dangerously close to grief. His hands are rough when they grab your hips, pull you closer. Yours find the back of his neck, fingers tangling in damp hair.

It’s not soft. It’s not gentle. But it’s real.

And you think: maybe this is what he needs. What you need. Just for tonight.

A reason to stay breathing.

You don't know who moves first.

One second, you're clinging to the shattered breath between you, and the next, he's slamming you back into the nearest tree with a grunt, mouth crashing into yours like he’s starved for it, like he’s starved for you. The bark digs into your spine, rough and grounding, a painful contrast to the way Jeremy's lips part yours so easily, so desperately.

His hands roam your body with none of the caution he used to show, no hesitation, no asking. Just need, pouring out of him like blood from a wound. One hand fists in your shirt, dragging you closer like he wants to merge you with him, like proximity is the only thing keeping him tethered to this world.

You kiss him back harder.

Fingers in his hair. Nails scraping against the back of his neck. You don’t care about the dirt under your boots or the blood on his skin. You don’t care that the woods are silent now, like even the night is holding its breath.

All you care about is this.

Jeremy groans low into your mouth when you bite his bottom lip, not enough to hurt, just enough to make him feel it. His grip tightens on your waist, and then he’s dragging his mouth down your jaw, your throat, teeth grazing your pulse point like instinct. Like he can smell how fast it’s beating.

“You shouldn’t have come,” he growls against your skin, voice dark and low. “I told you to stay away.”

You let your head fall back, exposing your neck to him. “You knew I’d come anyway.”

He presses his forehead against your collarbone, breathing you in, hands trembling where they grip your hips. “You don’t get it,” he whispers. “I can’t be gentle right now. I don’t have that in me.”

“Then don’t be.”

That’s all it takes.

He groans like the words physically crack him open. Then he’s turning you, pressing your chest to the tree, his body molding to your back. His hands slide beneath your shirt, rough palms skating over your skin. The scrape of his calluses makes you gasp. Every touch is urgent, like he's making sure you're real. That you’re here. That he hasn’t lost you, too.

“Tell me to stop,” he breathes against your ear, one hand splayed across your stomach, the other creeping up to your chest.

You reach behind you, grab a fistful of his hair, and yank him closer. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

His laugh is dark, wrecked. And then he’s kissing down your neck again, tongue dragging slow and hot over the shell of your ear before he sinks his teeth, not fangs, just teeth, into your shoulder. Enough to make you shudder.

Clothes come off in frantic pieces. He helps when he can, but mostly he just watches, chest heaving, blood still drying in streaks across his skin. His hunter's mark is partly visible now, twisting over his ribs, and you trace it with your fingers as you turn to face him again.

“You’re beautiful,” you whisper, because he is. Even like this. Especially like this.

He exhales sharply like it hurts to hear. “You shouldn’t say shit like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because if you do… I won’t let you go.”

You step in, lips ghosting over his, and whisper, “Then don’t.”

And he doesn’t.

Your back hits the tree again, and this time, it hurts, but you don’t care. Not when Jeremy’s hands are on you like this. Not when he kisses you like he needs you to breathe. His tongue pushes into your mouth, desperate, demanding, and you give it all, your breath, your moan, your goddamn sanity.

“Fuck, I shouldn’t want this,” he pants against your jaw, dragging his lips down your throat. “Not like this. Not with you.”

You grab a fistful of his bloody shirt and yank him closer. “Then stop thinking.”

He growls, growls, low and wrecked, and that’s all the warning you get before he drops to his knees in the dirt and shoves your pants down in one rough motion. You hiss when the night air hits your skin, but then his hands are on your thighs, forcing you open, and his mouth—

Holy fuck.

Jeremy licks into you like he’s trying to erase the memory of everything else. He groans when he tastes you, low and guttural, grinding into the ground like he needs the friction. His tongue moves in rough, hungry strokes, sloppy, dirty, filthy, like this isn’t something sweet, like it’s survival.

You tangle your fingers in his hair, hips rocking into his face.

“Jeremy,” you gasp. “Jesus—”

“Say my name again,” he mutters against your cunt, voice ruined. “Say it like I’m the only thing keeping you alive.”

You do. Over and over again. Because right now, he is.

Your orgasm rips through you like a lightning strike, fast and furious, and you try to push him away, but he doesn’t stop. He doesn’t fucking stop. His arms lock around your thighs and he eats you through it, through the shaking, through the oversensitivity, until you’re begging, gasping out broken pleas he ignores with a moan of his own.

You come again on his tongue, thighs trembling against his ears. He finally pulls back, lips slick, jaw clenched like he’s in pain.

“Fuck,” he says again, voice rough. “Get on your knees.”

You drop without hesitation.

Your hands work open his belt, his jeans, and his cock springs free, hard, flushed, dripping. You look up at him through your lashes and his whole body shudders.

“Don’t fucking look at me like that,” he snaps, voice ragged. “I’ll come before you even touch me.”

You smile, slow and wicked. “That’s not very hunter-like of you.”

He grabs your jaw, not hard, but firm, and tilts your head back. His thumb presses against your lower lip, smearing your spit. “Open your mouth.”

You do.

And when he slides his cock in, it’s like every restraint he had left shatters.

Jeremy fucks your mouth slowly at first, watching your eyes water, your lips stretch around him. His hand stays tight in your hair, keeping you in place. “So fucking pretty like this. On your knees. Taking me like you were made for it.”

You moan around him, because it’s true. You want this. You want him.

He fucks into your mouth harder now, breathing harsh, sweat dripping from his brow. And just when you think he’s about to come, he pulls out with a curse and hauls you to your feet like you weigh nothing.

“You want it rough?” he asks, voice barely human. “You want me to ruin you out here where anyone could see?”

“Yes,” you breathe. “Jeremy, please.”

That’s it.

He turns you around, bends you over against the tree, and shoves himself into you with one brutal thrust. You cry out, nails scraping the bark, and he just grunts, hips snapping against yours with raw, savage force.

Every thrust punches a moan out of you.

Every drag of his cock feels like punishment and reward all at once.

“You think I don’t see it?” he growls in your ear. “The way you look at me. Like I’m not broken. Like I’m something worth saving.”

“You are,” you choke out.

He grabs your throat, lightly, just enough pressure to make your breath catch. “No. I’m not. But I’ll keep you safe. Even if it kills me.”

You don’t know if it’s the sex or the confession or the fact that he’s holding you like you matter, but the orgasm that hits you next tears through your entire body. You scream, full-on scream, and Jeremy shudders as your walls clamp down around him.

He buries himself deep and groans your name as he comes, hard, hips jerking, body shaking like he’s losing it. Like you are the thing anchoring him back to life.

For a moment, there’s nothing but the sound of your breathing, harsh and tangled. The forest is still again.

He pulls out slowly, careful now, and helps you turn to face him. You’re still trembling, but he gathers you close, pressing his forehead to yours.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I didn’t mean to be… like that.”

You smile faintly, brushing a hand down his cheek. “I wanted it. I want you.”

He closes his eyes like that hurts more than anything.

You help each other get dressed in silence, limbs slow, sore. But not awkward. Not ashamed. There’s something tender in it. Something almost... hopeful.

When he threads his fingers through yours on the walk back, you don’t let go.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Back at the Gilbert house, the lights are off. Elena’s asleep. The world hasn’t stopped, but for once, it’s quiet.

Jeremy walks you to the door. His thumb brushes your knuckles.

“You’re coming back tomorrow, right?” he asks, voice soft.

You lean up, kiss the corner of his mouth. “You couldn’t keep me away if you tried.”

And for the first time in days, Jeremy Gilbert smiles.

Really smiles.

Like maybe, just maybe, he believes he still has something left to live for.

a/n: this makes me want to write a historical vampire!au with anyone lmao

[heavenssins]

MY PITT ANALYSIS:

this is my take, my observations, my opinions pls dont be mean!!

okay so basicallyyyyyyyy! people villainize pitt characters and there are people in the pitt WHO ARE BAD PEOPLE. those are not who im talking about! im talking about people villainizing santos, frank, javadi, etc. which is not the purpose of the show AT ALL!! the villain is the system of which they are operating under. each character has a reason for doing what they do. because they are human. they are FLAWED!!! and its not an excuse for what they do, its an explanation. collins rightfully calls out mckay for her bias against the one patient. i love robby!! one thing i love about his character is that he is flawed! his implicit bias against women showing through the whole shift. he has grown up and benefitted from the patriarchy so even if he is not intentionally favoring the men, its almost like a natural thing for him. its most apparent to me, with david and the mom who is giving her husband stuff. with david, he “doesnt want to ruin his life” so he is hesitant. he gets upset with cassie when she does go to the cops, and blames it on cassie despite him being the one to tell a cop during the pittfest incident that david had something to do with it. now we go to the wife of that man in the hospital, and instead of hesitating and listening to her and asking her to talk to her daughter, his immediate reaction is to report. and i dont think this makes him a bad person!! most people have implicit biases! trinity does what she thinks is morally correct, from the threatening of the dad to turning langdon in. samira says time and time again she wants the patients to feel comfortable and she uses her own trauma and grief to help her patients. javadi is just a 20 year old who wants to be normal!!! frank is an addict and that does not make him a bad person but it also doesnt excuse his behavior!! these characters are all HUMAN. THEYRE FLAWED!! but people need them to be good. they need the show to be morally correct 24/7. they cant handle not having things be “good” or “bad”. this is not me saying people have to like every character!! obviously you like what you like and you dont what you dont!!

each character has something the affects how they handle the situations and patients. jack has obviously been a combat medic or something along those lines, which influences how he deals with the MCI. trinity’s own trauma from her childhood not only helps with the end patient but helps her protect a little girl. mel’s caretaker personality helps with miss ginger & her daughter, and growing up with becca (and being neurodivergent herself!) helps her understand how to help terrance & the little girl from episode 8. samira’s past with her dad, its implied (stated!) he didnt get adequate care due to his race, influences how she helps patients, she doesnt just brush them off. she connects and makes the process easier, while also conducting research that would make a huge difference in medical treatment for POC! javadi having to grow up way too fast influences how she interacts with the other workers, while also having to continuously prove herself. collins own pregnancy and past pregnancy help her connect with the one mother who is giving birth, but also with the teenage girl’s mom who is hesitant about the abortion. whitaker’s situation influences how he acts towards those who are unhoused. franks addiction, limits his help for those who need it, but also blinds him to others needs but is ultimately helping him with patients. mckay’s care for women especially those struggling is most likely influenced by her own struggles. these characters are all people. they are all supposed to mirror reality. they’re not perfect and they all struggle.

[duchezss]

I've taken a bit to try and assemble my thoughts of jwct, and frankly I still don't know how to feel. Not in a "oh that was bad" kinda way, but in a "that was life changing how can I move on" kinda way. So I'm gonna do what I do best and just ramble on here, you know me. Spoilers of course.

Overall thoughts:

Holy cow the animation!! Not to say jwcc was ugly, but you can instantly see the budget differences. The lighting was gorgeous and the sequences were great. It was just so clear how much love was poured into every scene, the thought behind every move was so clear.

The story was so engaging and good. I thought I was gonna get tired of the "picking everyone up" trope, but it worked so well. I think the difference is this show knew how to take it's time. Ben and Darius had a few episodes to themselves, then Sammy and Kenji were given time to express their grievances. Hell we didn't even get to Yaz till ep 6 and I loved that. The dinosaurs were great too, and the overall plot was just amazing. I loved how it all slowly enfolded and how it was clear they had only scratched the surface with what they found out.

The voice acting was great as always, but it did kinda make me emotional at first to hear how much Paul had grown up. Getting used to Kenji and Brooklynn's new VA's was kinda odd, especially for Kenji, but by the end I was mostly cool with them.

The characters (and trust I'm gonna talk about all of them individually in a sec) were just superb. Their overall maturity and growth was outstanding, especially seeing how their trauma really effected them all differently. All of their arcs before and throughout the season were simply breathtaking. I think this season might be the best in terms of balance, it handled it's action, humor, and emotional moments so well.

This kinda relates back to the animation, I can't explain it, but they all just felt so much more human this season. Everyone's body language was so fluid and lifelike. They would talk over each other and mumble, they would hunch and roll their eyes and all of this sounds normal, but it really stood out. I think it's safe to say the animators really popped off this season, the direction was so clear this is truly a masterpiece. Also I felt like all of them were so touchy and I loved that so much. Like yes hug, hold hands, grab shoulders, pat on the back, I LOVE.

Characters:

Darius, my god Darius. Of course I've always loved him, he's an amazing mc and he is just so lovable. That being said I generally couldn't get over how much I loved him this season. He blew me away in ways I couldn't have imagined. His grief is so understandable and the way he shifted his ideology on dinosaurs because of Brooklynn was just heartbreaking. The way his character was handled was amazing, and it was wonderful to see that the writers do know how to let the others shine while still showcasing that he is the mc. I was also so in love with how sassy and witty he was, like when did he become so funny? His vulnerable moments were just as good and I loved how they showed his anger and frustration as well. His arc about learning to accept his grief and his regret was so poignant and beautiful. It's clear he needs a shoulder to cry on and yet he still puts everyone first, god I didn't think I could love him this much. He was easily the best character this season, I feel like they FINALLY showcased how amazing he is, just 10/10 no notes they ate.

I was kinda shocked by how goofy Ben was, but man I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it. Still can't get over how tall he is, and while I hated his design at first, it's really grown on me now. I really don't get how a lot of people are saying he felt like a shell of himself, cause frankly this season just cemented him as one of my favorite characters ever. He was kind, caring, understanding, humorous, he cracked jokes and messed around, but also got emotional and real. Him being a conspiracy theorist and living out of a van just makes sense, and the way he's the opposite of his germaphobe self now is hilarious. It was also interesting to see him as the meditator since he was the only one that got along with everyone else. He tried to help Darius with Kenji, he tried to give advice to Yaz about Sammy. It was just so lovely to see him so content and yet still himself? His scenes with Bumpy were so sweet and sad I can't stand them. Also I'm kinda obsessed with the fact that he's so big yet sucks at fighting and defending himself...king. I loved his mini arc about almost regressing on his fear, and how he grew from that. Ben ily light of my life, still the goat I fear.

Sammy's whole story just felt so heartbreaking. When they found her on the farm all alone it hurt me so bad. The way her family was her whole world and now they aren't on speaking terms? I hope the writers explain a bit cause I just can't fathom why? And Yaz moved away and she was really all alone. The way she approached her grief and her whole life in denial, and how she refused to accept anything was so heartbreaking. It hurt even worse because despite all of that pain she was still her. She was headstrong, kind, and passionate, for people and for dinosaurs. I did love how they still showcased her flaws and weaknesses. She had a hard time treating Yaz differently, but she also just wanted someone to actually be there for her. It's so clear she's tired and wants to be the one taken care of for once. Sammy stories feels heart wrenching in perhaps a more subtle way than the others. I really loved the direction the writers took her in this season. They showcased so much good and left us wanted more and ugh someone just give her another hug please.

If there's one thing the writers can be consistent on is making me despise Kenji. He was annoying me at first because of how he was approaching things, but he really grew on me by the end. He was this season’s punching bag and it was so heartbreaking. Brooklynn died and he blamed Darius and it's like he couldn’t escape his anger. It's interesting to see how him and Darius secluded themselves in different ways, and the way he still calls their mom? Oh I'm gonna cry. Yes Kenji is mad and he has every right to be, but it's clear his anger is misplaced. The whole scene with his father was so sad for so many reasons. Yes Kenji didn't like his father, but he literally watched him die. His breakdown was so painful to watch. I like how we can see Kenji kinda mature again over the season. It's as if he's relearning that not everything is in his control, and he shouldn't dwell on that. Sometimes his VA sounded too uninterested or nonchalant, which is a shame because the thing about Kenji is he pretends not to care but it's really the opposite. I am intrigued to see where this show will take his journey.

We took a while to get to Yaz, but I'd say it was worth the wait. I liked how this series didn't shy away from talking about her ptsd, and it took it even a step further by exploring peoples ways of coping. It's also interesting to see how fear has driven Yaz and how that has effected her relationships with all of them, but particularly Sammy. She's trying so hard to do better, but healing isn't linear and building a glass house around yourself can only do so much. I really hope they'll let us see how all of this is effecting her next season, because for someone is deathly afraid of dinosaurs this season put her through the ringer. That being said, I think there's no denying the bravery she showed. No matter how terrified she was she was always there for her friends. When Sammy needed her she knew how to calm her down, when her friends needed her help she let her instincts drive her. She even learned to let herself enjoy the moment, adding humor to trying to make the best of things. I feel for Yaz and I want to see her find comfort in her friends again, because she also just needs a hug.

Character: five stage of grief

While writing this I stopped and realized that in a way all of them really represented the five stages of grief regarding Brooklynn and just their life in general. So I wanted to take an interlude to talk about that for a moment.

Denial: Sammy - It's clear that Sammy has been trying to deny anything and everything, if only to pretend all of her problems are nonexistent. She doesn't want to believe that her family won't talk to her, and that Yaz won't either, and that her friend is just gone. Denying makes it all of it easier and so she makes herself busy so she won't even have a second to think about it all because then maybe she'd have to accept it.

Anger: Kenji - He's blaming everyone, especially Darius for Brooklynn's death. He blames the Allosaurus and he blames his father and through it all his anger never dwindles. Eventually it's all too much and he lets his anger become sadness, but it's clear his frustration and aggravation are not exactly gone. He can forgive but still feel mad at his situation and I think that's ok.

Bargaining: Yaz - Her's almost borderlines on denial like Sammy, but I think it's a little different. Because unlike Sammy she thinks everything is ok. She's convinced herself that this dino free island is fool proof and if she hides away like this nothing bad could ever happen. Obviously she comes to find out this isn't true and she has to accept the fact that her reassuring herself can only do so much. She has to face her fears, and boy does she.

Depression: Darius - From the get go we knew Darius wasn't doing too good. He's locked himself away in his bunker, cut off everyone, and had just become obsessed with catching the Allosaurus. Loosing Brooklynn was hard on all of them, but it's clear he took it the worst. It also didn't help that Kenji blamed him so much, so he fell into this hole. It's not the typical signs of depression, but his behavior is so different than before. Old Darius would have never cut everyone off and reduced dinosaurs to simple killers.

Acceptance: Ben - He's perhaps the only one that can speak so plainly about Brooklynns death. He constantly reassures Darius that it wasn't his fault and he's the one that rallies all of them together. His acceptance of her death is what allows him to put the pieces together that someone is after them. Of course he still mourns her, but the difference is he wants to get her justice and make sure all of them are safe as well.

Relationships:

To get the elephant out of the room THANK GOD brookenji broke up. I know they have a lot of shooters but I have and will never support or understand them. They just didn't work and had like zero chemistry. I really hope they stay broken up please writers I can't take it anymore. That being said I was pleasantly surprised Kenji's whole character wasn't just about Brooklynn. Yes she was a big factor, but without her there it's like he could be his own character again. That was always my biggest gripe with s4-s5 brookenji. I couple should not be reduced to their partners, they need to be their own person too.

Yasammy you will always be famous. The two of them were absolutely wonderful this season. Their fight was so warranted and valid and I loved that both of them were right in some ways. It's never black and white and it's up to communication to resolve those issues. The two of them are just so in love, they are actual soulmates like I can't. No notes, I think their relationship is proof that you can balance a couple and the individual. Sammy has her problems, Yaz has her problems, and together they can be a mess, but that's what so wonderful about it. The scene with them after they got out of the van was generally so beautiful I LOVE THEM.

Darius "I was in love with Brooklynn" Bowman....I USED TO PRAY FOR TIME LIKE THESE?? When I tell you I screamed I mean it so bad, I almost fell out of my chair. I know a lot of people aren't a fan, and they think it reduces their friendship, but I disagree. I think Darius still would've been heartbroken, but this just adds a layer. I also love it cause it's just so messy, and I think that makes it feel more real. What do you do if you love your brothers ex? I have been a dinostar defender for years, and I think there's no deny how much they mean to each other. I know he said Brooklynn didn't replicate his feelings but until we see the scene I'm gonna deny that. I think she rejected him because she didn't want him to get hurt in her investigation, that or she doesn't want to hurt Kenji. Let me just say writers you have a chance to get this all back on track PLEASEEEEE do not mess it up I can't take the heartbreak again.

Ben and Darius' friendship was kinda the best thing ever and I wasn't expecting it at all? I know they've had a rocky relationship before but this was so playful and I loved it so much. The way they goofed around and got into trouble, the show couldn't handle them together all season I guess. I also love how tender it was. Ben was so patient with Darius and it was clear he only wanted the best for him. Darius was just as patient with Ben and he helped him through his little paranoia relapse. They were such a good time and a blast to watch like the amount of times the two of them had me busting out laughing was insane.

Sammy and Ben duo oh how I've missed you. Another one I really didn't expect but they were so lovely. I loved how much they messed around yet they also dropped everything to commit a few crimes. Ep five was full of them and I loved it so much. Also the way Sammy constantly defended Ben was so special to me, that girl knew how to throw a punch lmao. Nothing too crazy, but so welcome and sweet. Also the way Ben was terrorizing Sammy on the phone with Yaz, peak cinema.

MIGHT AS WELL KILL ME NOW KENJI AND DARIUS. WHY are they always fighting Kenji don't make me mad. I loved their relationship so much. The way Kenji was so angry at Darius and yet Darius held him so close while he had a breakdown? Might just kms. They friendship is so rocky and real and I love that. I also love how Kenji wasn't angry when Darius said he had feelings for Brooklynn. He just listened and the maturity they both have is insane. I'm terrified of Brooklynn coming back and causing a love triangle, but honestly I'd be fine if they all just stayed friends if that means these two end up alright. When the brothers brother >>>

Ben and Yaz bestfriendism back everyone cheered. The way they still call each other by their last names actually kinda tears me to pieces. I love how Ben offers advice to Yaz even if it's in his own silly way. They're both so gentle and yet so playful with each other I love. I love that Yaz just let's Ben go on his side quests like yeah he's got it. They didn't get that many scenes but I still love them so dearly anyways.

The return of the king, Sammy and Darius. I know they didn't get that much but they were always one of my fav limited screen time duos. The way they constantly comfort each other just pulls on the heartstrings. Like when they just hugged in the back of the van? And when Sammy raced to hug him again in the warehouse? Ohh I love them. And despite it all Darius trying his best to defend Sammy? Save me older sister-younger brother duo save me.

Kenji got very limited time with Sammy and Yaz and I can't wait to see more cause those just iconic duos, I also would love to see more of Darius and Yaz since they also didn't meet till the very end. I really hope S2 (I'm pretending like it's already confirmed) let's us see more of this, especially Kenji and Yaz please I've missed them so much.

Ohhhhh Ben and Kenji. Benji nation we're kinda so back, living off crumbs is better than living off nothing. Ok but in all seriousness their relationship is so sweet. Ben trying to make Kenji see reason in the beginning, then letting Kenji hold Bumpy's egg cause it was clear that's what he needed at the moment. Then Kenji helping Ben when he got hurt. It's clear they speak in actions, not words. I need more of them like actually I've missed my pookies so bad.

Lastly I wanna talk about Yaz, Sammy, and Ben with Brooklynn. Their flashbacks broke my heart, and it also showcased how different their love and grief for her was. THE FACT THAT WE FINALLY GOT B DUO AND IT'S AFTER SHE'S GONE...my heart shattered. I love how funny and chill they were, we were so robbed of this in jwcc I swear. It's also kinda sad because the implication that Ben introduced Brooklynn to dark jurassic which subsequently lead her down the path that got her "killed"...I'm done. Also the fact that they were so casual implies that Brooklynn would constantly visit him at college which is just so sweet? I can't stand them bye. Sammy casually having Brooklynns old jacket tells me Brooklynn used to come over a lot, perhaps more when they were younger. Also Sammy seemed shocked to go in that room so I might be reading into this too much, but I see it as maybe that was Brooklynns guest room at one point? I am also a firm believer that Sammy dyed her hair pink for Brooklynn. Like Ben, everything just felt so casual and therefore more heart aching. Sammy wants to pretend like she could open that door and Brooklynn would just be there, researching and chilling. I think Yaz's flashback with Brooklynn is the saddest. All these years later and Yaz still confides and trusts Brooklynn to help her through her struggles. It's hard to believe they used to fight so much. Brooklynn is so understanding and kind, and I also find it interesting that it appears that Brooklynn was the one that really kept up with all of them. She wanted to be there for them, and it makes her supposed death that much sadder.

Random things of note:

I have always been a Benjamin denier AND NOW THEY'RE JUST DROPPING THAT OUT OF NO WHERE?? I can't have anything fr. Whatever, I'm still on my Sammy is short for Samantha box sue me.

Bumpy being a mother is so silly goofy but I'm hear for it, just glad she's ok cause if they actually tried to kill her I would've had to intervene.

I really loved the way they let everyone show emotions this season. Like yes of course they showed emotions before, but this felt so much rawer and realer if that makes any sense. Literally all of them cried once throughout the season and I loved that. But not just that, they let them be frustrated, and angry, and happy, and everything in between. KEEP IT UP.

All of the dinosaurs looked amazing, but man the Allosaurus stole the show. Also I loved the white eye, it made us want to view the dinosaur as evil in a way, and I think that was good for putting us in Darius' shoes.

The flashback sequence with Darius and the Allosaurus was so wicked. The team knew how to kill a dramatic moment oh my lord. This is kinda related to the animation too but so many shots were so cinematic. LIKE LIGHTING AND BLOCKING IS BACK PEOPLE. Brooklynn's apartment was gorgeous, Sammy's ranch during the sunset was beautiful. The scene of the explosion behind the T. Rex was iconic. We're so back

I'm so in love with how this show handled grief and not only that, but grief in a group setting. I think this might one of the only pieces of media I've ever seen that really shows how messy found family can be, and that's ok. It's not supposed to perfect, it's only as good as they make it.

Kenji saying dad in Japanese after having that conversation with his father about not being able to speak it, and the implication that he might've learned that word to try and talk with his father? Someone kill me like actually.

Darius wearing yellow agai- [GUNSHOT]

I could go into the color theory with all of their outfits but I won't cause I'm trying to not go that insane (it's not going well)

Ben's fanny back going across his torso, Yaz's iconic bangs.

The fact that Sammy found the map implies that A. Brooklynn came over right before she died and after Darius' confession, and B. That despite everything she still wanted and needed to talk to him about something.

Microbangs lady was actually scary as hell. I really liked her though, she was menacing and interesting. And she clearly valued her relationship with the raptors, I hope we see more of her.

I'm kinda sus of Mateo but I think that's just the trauma of every adult always betraying them. Hope he was chill and we won't see him again pls.

Sammy being such a great fighter is so random but I love it so much?? Like yes let her kick ass in cowboy boots that's my girl.

Where is Darius' necklace? When did he stop wearing it? It is important to the plot or did the animators just find it unnecessary?

Closing thoughts:

Overall WHAT A SHOW!! I had kinda fallen out of love with this show because s4 and s5 were kinda eh. I've never stopped loving the characters though, so this show was like a dream come true. Finally an amazing story to support these amazing characters again.

The character relationships felt at an all time high and I'm so grateful. These characters literally feel like my family too it's kinda bad how much I'm attached. I just love how much they love each other.

The only thing that kinda confused me was the ending. Why did they have to get on the boat right then and there? Why did no one stop the boat before it left? I'm not sure but I'm very excited to find out.

And lastly surprise surprise Brooklynn is alive. Of course I'm happy to know, but I kinda don't like the circumstances. I thought she was gonna be kidnapped or something so there would be a valid reason why she wasn't reaching out. But she's free and is just choosing to hide from the crew, with a good reason I assume. I think this will make her reunion with them more bitter than sweet, but I did just say I love messy so I'm excited anyway.

Y'all my fault I know I have a habit of rambling and making essays but this is just too much fr. Whatever I LOVE TALKING ABOUT WHAT I LOVE LMAO.

[mellosdrawings]

ooh, just saw you’re also doing the twst ask game!! how about 5, 23 and 27, if it hasn’t been asked already? :]

5. If you could have any unique magic / signature spell in the game, which would you choose and why?

23. Which dorm would you be sorted into?

27. What drew you into TWST? What made you stay?

5. I WANT CATER'S MAGIC SO BAD YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!! Do you know how many projects I have? I wish I could do them all but I gotta prioritize (/pejorative). If I could just make clones I'd be able to work on my webcomic and my Twst fanarts and my writings and my Sci-fi visual novel and-

23. Once upon a time in my teenagehood, I would've been sorted into Heartslabyul because I had the "obey to every single rule" type of autism. Now? I guess it'd be Octavinelle or Scarabia. It's hard to say.

27. Ok so, the thing is I actually was into this game before it even went out. I heard about a Japanese game soon coming and there was the countdown art series and I was IN LOVE with it from a purely aesthetic aspect. Plus I liked the pitch/summary/whatever you call it in English when you resume something to its bare minimum. I loved Descendants so having more content about Disney villains or their descendants was great.

What makes me stay is two things:

1. The characters and their relationships.

I'm the kind of person who can handle most stories as long as the characters are very interesting. And boy, they are.

They all feel very well rounded and believable, not one tone characters who are only interested in one thing. All of them have full personalities and several things they're into and several things they dislike and random info about them that are just there, it feels compelling. Plus I'm the kind of creator that loves diving into my characters' flaws to enhance my plots, so the fact that the game is about the characters' flaws is right into my alley.

Also they all have relationships with one another in some way, where other medias might have just given them a handful of characters to get along with and wouldn't have bothered to find how to make them interact with the other characters.

2. The teen traumas

Ok, they might not always be handled best, but it is compelling to have this stuff, that is usually shrugged at because those are teens and it "shouldn't be called trauma it's just part of life". Here it is given weight.

Riddle's trauma about having an helicopter mom, Vil's trauma about being a child star that has always been typecast as a villain, Azul's bullying, Idia's terrible handling of grief, Leona's trauma about the double standard of people considering him and his brother, Malleus’s refusal to deal with his own grief. It's very compelling stuff and it's powerful. Some of those seem more traumatic than others (*cough* Jamil’s struggle with slavery *cough*) but, well, for a teen all of those are equally as traumatic, and it's normal for them all to have mental breakdowns when they have been given no support whatsoever.

I'm an angst enjoyer who loves to see how much you can hurt a character before they break down, and then what it takes to build them back up into a functioning person. This story is about that, so I dig it really hard.

Plus it's easy to relate to at least one of those characters. The game had me by the scruff with Riddle's storyline because I held myself to a level of perfectionism that also made me break down, so when it happened to Riddle I instantly fell in love. It took me a while to understand Leona's storyline, and then it held me hostage again with Azul's. Idia's own monologue is so powerful that it makes me cry every single time.

So yeah, despite the flaws, I can see gold in there and I doubt I'll get tired of it easily.

[disheveledtranquility]

I feel like the last movie didn’t do Symbrock much justice in addressing why Eddie was such a little shit the entire time, which created so much upset.

I mean, his attitude fits for his movie characterization from my point of view (comic Eddie and movie Eddie are separate entities of a single trauma in my mind), but they didn’t do the best job in laying it out for the general audience. A few added dialogue here and there could have solved this issue, a little scene here or there cataloging how Eddie really can't handle the stress. But they dropped the ball on that one.

From a real ass POV I just feel like if I was in his situation I’d be WORSE. Eddie was tamer than he could have been, all things considered. And I feel like they were so caught up in the comedy of the scenes throughout the movies they didn't tie in the underlying stress in their relationship well.

Movie Eddie was never a big fan of being along for the crazy ride. And he was also never good with dealing with inner stress, because the worse his situation got in the first movie, the worse his anger/anxiety got. By the second movie he was getting upset at even the small stuff.

But people tend to bypass the obvious signs because of the humor laced through the scenes.

I mean, it’s shown that Eddie can’t even have a normal conversation because the symbiote usually likes to butt in with commentary to the point Eddie can’t even focus on his own thoughts and the other party’s words to respond correctly because he’s forced to listen to the voice inside his head instead.

So it fits that he was balls deep in stress and frustration by the time they got to Mexico. A whole year of stress and the loss of literally everything he had changed him. He became bitter. He doesn’t have any way to vent his anger out. And the only thing available to him is his symbiote. So he makes it the target of his anger, and he’s so stressed that even the smallest things like a single comment becomes a big issue to him. It’s human nature in people who don’t handle stress well.

I have no doubt he's going through the seven stages of grief every second of every day and blaming himself for every time he's even thought of anything negative about the symbiote after he lost it.