#for her times living with lindsay

[biitchcakes]

let me tell you what you're experiencing soul-crushing nostalgia towards right now

your first time hearing a song

god you wish you could go back to the time you first heard it. it seemed to be there at the right time, right when you needed it most. it fit into your life like a missing puzzle piece and in that moment, everything else seemed insignificant. you probably played it too much after that. maybe it lost some of its spark. you hope to find that feeling again.

tagged by: @danversiism 💖 tagging: you !

[permanentreverie]

so i may be moving in the next few weeks 😵‍💫

[hl-obsessed]

.

[arolesbianism]

I had the most stressful 30 minutes of my life today while playing oni ohhhh my god remind me to never underprepare for a rocket trip again

[toriaaniin]

Lock It Down

We've been here before, haven't we? You know... analyzing Nicola's lock screen, trying to figure out who's picture she keeps in this special location. And it is special because as we know, this woman looks at her phone a lot!

This time though - especially after the hullabaloo and bickering between the Lukola and Jakola ships back in November 2024 (Harper's Bazaar "Woman of the Year 24") over the man's image and name - we Lukola lovers didn't want to spend energy on something we knew no one could properly solve. Besides; we know her man is Luke, so why bother?! Ha!

Yet there was something about the lock screen image in the photo below that niggled at my brain. I'd pick up my phone to look, then shake my head and swipe away... and again a few times more. Then it came to me = there was an overlaid image down in the bottom right hand corner!

I immediately connected with my friend F @mrsfingertondepanini and asked her opinion. "Maybe?" was her response. "Hmmmm", I thought. A busy momma of scrambley young boys, that's all I got from her. So I sat with it a bit longer, unsure about sharing with anyone else because I knew that anything lock screen was so November 2024!

Eventually I shared the theory with my other chat-group friend Angela. She says to me, "I can never see anything! Let's see what you've got." Wouldn't you know it; she could see it too! We even spent a bit of time speculating on what the image might be.

Fast forward to today (Saturday, April 5th). I shared the theory during one of my regular Lukola Love Livestreams. Angela was on panel with me, as well as Lindsay from all.things.bridgerton (TT & IG - amazing edits!). Between them, and those participating in the live's chat, we all agreed that something was there...

...and we even agreed on what image it was!

After attempting an inadequate quick side-by-side, who should chime in from chat but my friend F mrsfingertondepanini: "I can do a quick overlay fade video!"

Yes please F!!!

Here are the amazing results... then scroll down to see the actual gorgeous, heart-eyes 😍 photo.

To say that I am absolutely thrilled with this discovery would be an understatement!!

My Lukola loving friends: On March 26th - one week ago! - Luke and Nicola were living on Nicola's lock screen. I don't know about you, but I think that deserves a dark red heart!! (IYKYK)

Aaniin Xxx

P.S. Jake and Antonia who?

[yailtsv]

Someone To Stay - j.w

💌 Syn: we all need someone to stay

»»— warnings: mention of death (a lot), depression, mention of y/n (only once i think), probably more too

»»— notes: this was originally a paige fic butttt….yeah

»»— word count: 2.5k

»»— pair: Juju Watkins x gf!reader

it’s been 2 weeks.

2 miserable, painful, sleepless, weeks.

2 weeks of not being on your phone, 2 weeks of ignoring all of your teammates, 2 weeks since you quit basketball, 2 weeks since your world fell apart - with no one even knowing.

you grew up in minnesota, and went to usc for college. you moved away from home for college. you went miles away from your baby siblings for college - only seeing them on breaks or when your parents were able to put enough money together to take the trip. you left all you knew for college.

and now? everything’s gone

2 weeks ago you received a phone call from an unknown minnesota number - saying that your parents had gotten hit by a drunk driver with your siblings in the car. there was only one survivor - the drunk driver.

the first week - you were in denial and angry, leading to you starting a argument with juju and her storming out after endless yelling back and forth. that happened on tuesday.

on wednesday of the first week, you packed your bags and flew to minnesota - refusing to believe your family was gone.

you didn’t tell anyone about you leaving, although you did send coach lindsay a email saying that you needed a break and that you didn’t want to play basketball anymore - and then you left, just like that. didn’t wait for a response, didn’t text juju, didn’t text any of your teammates, you just left.

although you were informed about your family - the media has no idea who was in the car yet as nobody that was trying to help could tell who they were because of the injury’s and blood. so no one knows the battles your facing right now. not juju, not coach lindsay, not your teammates, and not your fans, everyone just thinks your being moody for no reason- that is not the case.

the only reason the morgue was able to find out who they were was because they had a doctor do a blood test to find any living relatives - you.

Your were alone, left out in the cold

by the time you got to your house on wednesday, it was dark outside, it was raining - hard, and your brain was on autopilot - trying to find your family all around the small one story house.

only to come up empty handed. your family was no where to be found.

your neighbor saw you walk in and then heard you shortly after calling out for your family - she new you heard the news about them, so she was worried….and called the police. she was one of the only other people that know of the identification right now, as she is your guys neighbor and was an extremely close friend to your mom.

she wanted to go over and comfort you but with giving a 19 year old news that her whole family’s gone - there’s a 100% chance that that said girl will have a mental breakdown eventually, it’s bound to happen. you just never know when, that’s why she decided to call for help.

by the time help got there, you were sitting on the floor by the fireplace looking at the scrapbooks that your mom spent her whole life making. you had left the front door open when you were in your rush to find your family so the two officers were able to see you on the floor.

“ma’am? are you the surviving daughter?” he knew the answer but he had to ask. it was protocol, but to you? it felt like he was rubbing it in your face ‘haha your here alone. they left you cause they hated you. you shouldn’t have moved miles away from them! they needed you and you left to play basketball?’

so you didn’t answer.

you kept looking at the scrapbooks ignoring both of them. they slowly entered the house - not knowing if you were a danger yet.

“ma’am?” still you ignored them, “ma’am, i’m officer morgan this is my partner officer reid. we got a call about the surviving daughter of the family in the car crash calling out for the family. you’re her correct? you’re the daughter?”

“obviously. do you think i’m a random that just broke in?” you rasped out in a angry tone

“no ma’am, it’s protocol to ask these questions.” officer reid said making you hum before looking back at the scrap book in your lap

“can we get your name?”

“no.” you reply back making both the officers look at each other “why?” reid asks stepping a few steps closer

“because you obviously already know the answer. leave me alone.”

“we can’t do that. your neighbors are concerned for you, and so are we.” morgan said

“well i’m fine so you can leave.”

“you left the front door wide open, do you realize how bad that could’ve ended up? your neighbors also said that you were shouting for your family.”

“boohoo i was calling out for my family so what? you’re trespassing!”

the officers sighed cause you technically were right. you never gave them confirmation to walk in - they just did.

“okay, we will leave alright? but here’s our numbers - call if you ever need help ok?” reid says putting his and morgan’s business cards on the table and both of the officers slowly walking out of the house.

Clinging to the ruin of your broken home

after that the days blended in together. you didn’t leave the house, you didn’t eat, you didn’t sleep, you didn’t check your phone.

on thursday of the second week, the police were able to get enough information of the identities and the accident itself to finally release a statement - one that you were named in.

after the statement it took an hour tops for the articles to be posted and somehow made its way to california in that time period too.

“juju, you might want to see this.” kiki said walking up to juju in the locker room after practice “what is it?” juju asked facing her cubby and not kiki.

“just look” kiki said putting her phone in jujus face, making ju grab the phone and sit down on her chair to look at whatever kiki���s trying to show her

USC star gone off the grid as news about her family in a drunk driving incident comes out.

“what is this kiki?” juju says while scrolling through more articles

minnesotan family of 5 tragically died in car accident.

USC star has yet to make a statement on recent events.

Where is the USC star? Does she know of her family’s death?

Family of 5 was actually a Family of 6? Where’s the surviving kid?

“you know how we all thought y/n was just being moody?” kiki hesitantly says

juju doesn’t answer and just gives kiki her phone back, grabs her stuff, and runs out of the locker room with the girls calling out for her

juju impulsively buys a plane ticket to minnesota before going back to her dorm packing stuff to last however long. when she was done she drove to the airport while calling you over and over again - getting sent to voicemail every time

“cmon baby, pick up” juju mumbles to herself before once again hearing your voicemail making her sigh

Too lost and hurting to carry your load

landing in minnesota after the articles being released was a nightmare. everyone was coming up to juju asking if she knew anything about you or the accident. the amount of times she said “no comment” in the last 15 minutes was absolutely ridiculous - but she made it out of the air port.

calling and waiting for a uber was a whole other mission. fans were coming up to juju wanting pictures and autographs, they were all recording too. they were all shocked for juju to be in minnesota but they were loving every second - juju wasn’t.

you and juju aren’t public like neither of you guys are even out to the public, but it’s rumored. you and juju stared dating your guys freshman year, freshman year is also how you guys met in the first place.

you and juju have just said you guys are really close best friends, some people believe that lie and some people are pushing the dating agenda. that’s why so many fans are going crazy on the internet after all those videos and pictures of juju at the minneapolis airport come out.

“THEY’RE DATING!!!! JUJUS IN MINNESOTA AFTER THE ARTICLES CAME OUT 🤭🤭”

“NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME THEY’RE ‘just best friends’ LOOK HOW SAD JUJU LOOKS! LOOK HOW WORRIED SHE IS! THEY ARE DATING RAHHH👺”

“Juju outing in minnesota for y/n wasn’t on my 2025 bingo card”

that was only some of the tweets/comments, there was a lot more - mostly non pg ones.

when jujus uber finally got there she rushed inside telling them a block near your address - not wanting to let the uber driver know the exact address, just in case

when arrived to the destination she gave she payed the guy and went on her phone pretending to text somebody until the guy drove away, and when he did she started walking to your house. the house she visited over summer this year.

when she reached the house the vibe felt extremely different from this summer. this summer the vibe felt warm, friendly…lively, now it felt cold, unwelcoming….dead. juju took a deep breath in before walking to the front door and knocking a few times - only to receive no answer

“baby come open the door please.” juju pleads only to still get no response she huffs before turning the knob to see if it was unlocked - it was.

“baby?” juju says walking into the house hesitantly before her eye caught you laying next to the fireplace with an unsafe amount of distance between you and the fire “ baby! baby! hey! what are you doing? why are you laying so close to the fireplace? do you know how unsafe laying that close to a fire is?” juju says while running over to where you are and pulling you to a safe distance away from the raging fire.

you didn’t respond shocker, you stayed staring at the fire, bundled up in one of the blankets that were on the couch.

juju got the hint that you didn’t want to talk and got down on the ground right behind you as you were laying on your side. she put one of her arms under your head and put the other on your waist - pulling you closer to her

“i’m sorry” she mumbles into your ear “i’m sorry for the fight, i’m sorry for storming out, i’m sorry about your family, i’m sorry for not realizing something was wrong. i’m so so sorry baby. i love you so much, i would really like to be here for you if you’ll let me.”

you just slowly move your hands to grab both of her hands - holding them.

juju let’s you do just that, she understands that you don’t want to talk or get up or literally do anything, so she’s gonna stay right beside you holding you and comforting you with no questions or complaints even if the fire is burning her face.

We all need someone to hold

it’s been two days since juju got to minnesota. she’s somehow talked you into a lot of things in that time period too.

she talked you into moving to the couch, so you guys are no longer laying on the floor.

she’s talked you into eating a few things, which you never even realized you weren’t eating. you’ve just been so stuck in your head that taking care of yourself went out the window.

and now currently, she’s talked you into taking a bath seeing as you haven’t done so yourself in a while.

“hey baby, i need you to lift your head up for me. i need to wash your hair.” juju said while you were resting your head on your knees, that you brought up to your chest

you slowly lifted your head letting her wash and scrub your hair “you know-“ she started

“you could have told me what happened. you didn’t have to go through this alone. “

“i didn’t want to burden you.” you whisper out - your voice raspy from not using it for a few days

her hands stop scrubbing your hair for a minute while she turns her face to look at you “baby. baby look at me”

you slowly turn your head “you are not a burden. do you hear me? you’re not.” juju says sternly “we are in a relationship, there’s no such thing as ‘being a burden’ we communicate, we support, and we love each other, none of that changes during a life changing journey. i love you ok? i’m here for you!”

“i’m sorry” you say tearing up feeling guilty for causing all of these feelings and problems in your relationship

“baby, it’s ok! i promise” but that doesn’t help you - only makes you cry harder because you feel like you don’t deserve juju and her caring-ness.

jujus stands up and takes her slides, socks, and hoodie off, climbing into the tub behind you wearing a sports bra and basketball shorts. she sits down with you between her legs and pulls you into her.

“shh shhh you’re ok. i’m here.” juju mumbles to you as you have now turned so your on your side in the tub, gripping onto her waist, crying into her chest

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to cause problems between us. i’m sorry” you sob out into her chest

“i’m not mad at you baby. there’s no reason to apologize ok? i’m not mad”

you don’t respond - only grip her waist more and hide your face into her chest “it’s my fault. it’s all my fault” you sob out again

“what? baby what are you talking about?” juju says

Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out

“i moved away from them! i wasn’t here for them because i went away to play stupid fucking basketball!” you cry out once again

“no! baby, i’m not gonna let you do this. none of this is your fault at all ok? you went away to follow your dreams and your family is more than proud of you. nobody’s to blame except for the person that decided to get in a car and drive while knowing they were drunk. it. is. not. your. fault. got it?”

you don’t answer, you don’t even move. it’s like her confirming that there was actually a drunk driver made you have to accept that. this whole time you’ve been denying that your family’s gone, that they were killed in a drunk driving incident, that you would never actually see them again, and juju just confirmed everything you’ve been denying.

and now your just numb, but at least your not crying anymore right? right?

🏷️ @authentic-girl03 @evry1luvzzae @bethsleftnip @rebecca-woso

[kkochigomi]

the ultimate guide to f***ing nomin

part one | part two

PAIRING: reader x jeno + jaemin

GENRE: smut, angst

SERIES WC: 35k

PART ONE WC: 21.9k

SYNOPSIS: DJ Juliette is over just being a DJ. She misses being a producer and working with artists but no one is biting anymore. She's living from paycheck to paycheck, so when MC receives a pink business card from that company, she should take it. But her fellow SHAWOLs are screaming at her and she knows better. So they send in the heavy arsenal wrapped in head-to-toe Chanel. This woman, named Lindsay Liu, knows she can talk her into it.

WARNINGS: dom!Jeno, switch!Jaemin & mc, PIV, DVP, cunnilingus, thigh humping, spit play, pussyjob, lots of sloppy kissing, deepthroating, rough sex, large... sizes, bisex, very strong language, threesomes, one reference to slight racism/xenophobia (very small inclusion, that character sucks, doesn't go into detail), CONVOLUTED AND CONFUSING AS SHIT, slight language barriers, hella campy/maybe even bad, mc is described as American and having a midsized body, explicit language and descriptions of sex, working at SM Entertainment, mc has a "stage name", Juliette isn't her actual name, let me know what I missed! (had to split this into two parts or Tumblr wouldn't let me post it)

+ dialogue and text messages italicized in their entirety means MC is translating them from Korean!

PROLOGUEˋ°•*⁀➷

Since you discovered your first iPhone had garageband on it, you’ve been drawn to production. Combining your passion with your– at the time– niche interest of k-pop, you garnered a little following on Tumblr making demos for your favorite groups. But as you got older and grew out of k-pop, you associated producing with that childlike naivety. So you switched to what your parents wanted.

Thankfully, you decided to ditch computer science in 2019 and do what you truly wanted, sending you deep into the underground. You weren’t the best or the most well known producer, but you could produce and you weren’t super expensive. As you worked your way through your bachelor’s degree, you got better and better. You became a little more sought after. Unfortunately, the underground was highly competitive. And you were sick of feeling like you slapped someone’s mother for asking artists to sign a contract. But luckily for you, you were being classically trained unlike most of the other producers you’ve met who are self taught. Some of them play instruments and know a bit of music theory, but your degree gives you a slight leg up outside of the underground music industry. 

So you ditched the underground in 2022. With your knowledge, jumping into the overside of the music industry wasn’t impossible. But it wasn’t easy. At all. You barely got any bites. Unfortunately, in this day and age people have stopped chasing after being pop stars and realized how lucrative the production scene was. Most labels weren’t desperate for producers. In the states, that is. 

DJing is fun. It’s cool… but you’ve always thought of it as a side gig. Good to break up any sameness. But lately it’s been your only source of income. And there’s nothing fun about living paycheck to paycheck. Or admitting your parents were right. 

You default to an easy crowd pleaser as your mind drifts. A rapper you used to work with often hits you up every once and a while. His latest text being:

if you’re worried about Drex threatening to slash your tires, don’t even sweat it! you’re always welcome back

You couldn’t afford slashed tires then and you definitely can’t now. Plus, you’re hungry enough without competition. You just want to make art.

“Excuse me, Juliette?”

Right as you step off stage, someone calls out your alias. You’re thinking it’s management, so you turn around excitedly and await payment. Before you is a middle aged Asian man with thick-rimmed glasses. You don’t recognize him, but the smirk on his face reeks of upper management. A smile that can only come from someone about to pitch you something they’re confident you won’t refuse. More like cocky. 

“...Yes?”

The man immediately launches into his spiel.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you worked with Flowra for a song on his new album, right? I’m Lee Sung-Soo, by the way. You can call me Chris.” He presents his hand to you. You did work with them, but they scrapped the songs you did together. Oh god, is this guy here on behalf of someone else?

“I’m not underground anymore.” You explain curtly, walking away. Chris awkwardly retracts his hand before jogging after you.

“Good! I’m actually an A&R director for a music label in South Korea.”

You freeze involuntarily. You hate to admit your younger self is squealing deep inside you. The you at the forefront, however, knows better.

“Which company?” You pose with severity. There is a wrong answer.

He does that annoying smirk again, feeling like he struck something. He speaks in Korean, but it’s simple enough for you to understand. When you started college, you were still heavy into K-pop and thought learning Korean would make engaging in Korean media much easier. So you took Korean 101, 102, and 103 before you realized how useless these skills were and slowly faded from the fandom. You still kick yourself for not studying Spanish instead. 

“Are you familiar with Korean music?” He says, his eyes brightening upon noticing your lack of confusion. However, you note how he doesn’t say the company name.

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Take this!” He presents you with a card that he must’ve had ready since he approached you. You notice the card is pink. You look up, plastering a big smile on your face as rage boils in your gut. 

“Absolutely not.”

🥀 𐮙 🐻ˋ°•*⁀➷

The week following your meeting with Chris, SM is all you could think about. You were having a battle with your inner naive fangirl and your reasonability. 

Think about how many times they’ve been sued for mistreatment! I mean come on! This is SM we’re talking about!

You could meet Key.

You slam your pillow over your face and scream. It is simply preposterous how much weight that one possibility has. It’s not even certain! You turn to what you always do when you need to shut your brain off and let it rot, social media. You opt for Instagram. Though you rarely post, you need to keep track of your DMs in case artists reach out. It’s also your favorite place to keep up with celebrities. You opt to check your DMs first. Immediately you’re stumped by a name. Not because you don’t recognize it, but because it sounds so damn familiar.

Lindsey Liu.

Your knee-jerk reaction is to assume you’re thinking of Lucy Liu, but when you look at her profile picture, she even looks familiar. 

lindsayliu Hey doll~ I’m looking for someone to produce a project I’m working on. I have my own professional studio, so you can just come to my place to work on it. I know it’s sudden, but how does tomorrow sound?

‘Hey doll?’ you think, scam detectors blaring. You click on her account, her number of followers dumbfounding you. Twenty-one MILLION? You don’t personally know of bot accounts that are that ballsy with their follower counts but you know exactly what to do to fact check. You scroll throughout her posts, checking all of them for their engagement. By the looks of it, her followers aren’t fake. You even spot celebrities like Jackson Wang and Bae Suzy in her comments. On that same train of thought you check which celebrities you follow are following her. You’re shocked to see you have to click on them to see them all. You check each of their accounts, too. Just in case. And also because you’re in disbelief. You realize then where you recognized her from. Pictures with East Asian celebrities you follow.

You don’t even want to get excited and share the news to your friends and family because they’ll just ask you who Jackson Wang is. You haven’t been in touch with a real life k-media fan since high school. No one in your contacts understands how cool this is.

You clasp your hand over your mouth, unsure what to do with this information. From your research, she’s the only daughter of a Chinese billionaire. As for what she does? You’re not entirely sure. Just a vague rich influencer. Half of her pictures are her dressed to the nines in some sort of low lit venue. She’s either accompanied by her girlfriends or a drink or both. This backs up what you googled about her being a party girl. A controversial aspect as it seems. As if most of the people criticizing her wouldn’t do the same with that amount of money. Scrolling through her pictures, you could tell you would be susceptible to a parasocial relationship. You find yourself trusting her, but you know better than to be a victim to another Anna Delvey.

Hey! I don’t mean any disrespect when I say this, but I want to be upfront about a few safety measures. A friend of mine will know my location at all times and who I’m meeting with. I also have a producer’s agreement for you to sign to protect both of us. If you need to arrange for a lawyer to look over the contract, we can push the session back. Or you can have the contract signing and studio session on different days.

As you typed out the message, your excitement dwindled. The possibility of this being a scam and her being scared away now seems more plausible after letting everything simmer. Of course you’re happy you’re not going to get scammed, but you’re also pondering the possibility she’s legit and is offended by the message. Still, you don’t leave the message thread.

She doesn’t respond for several minutes and you need to relieve a little of your stress. You turn the tv on and put on anything. You throw on a show people have been begging for you to watch but you’re positive won’t be your style. Twenty-three minutes pass, no response. You’re not exactly sure what you’re expecting, her being legit means she’s definitely not glued to her phone all day. She has the money to actually experience things you only view through social media.

Three episodes pass and you’re apologetic to everyone online and in your life you ignored about watching this show. You’re completely, utterly engrossed. So engrossed that you forget the name Lindsay Liu. 

An entire season later, you sniffle and set your box of tissues back on the nightstand beside you. You’ve ignored your growling stomach in favor of being glued to the tv for long enough. You reach for your phone to order what you’ve been craving this entire time when you see the message thread. Lindsey had sent a message three hours ago.

“Holy shit,” You laugh, nose still clogged with snot.

lindseyliu Sounds good! I have a few more ideas to make you feel safer. We can do a video call beforehand and I can even show you my surroundings in case you think this is some weird new version of pig butchering lol. I’m sure you’ve already looked me up, but I can show you my ID to confirm my identity. I think signing the contract beforehand is great! In fact, you can pick a cafe or something where we can meet up. I usually arrange for my driver to pick up the people I’m meeting with, but I understand the implications of someone from my camp transporting you. Instead, I can send you some money and you can order your own uber.

lindseyliu Pleeease let me know if there’s anything else I can do~

🥀 𐮙 🐻ˋ°•*⁀➷

Lindsey is quite the character. When you’re texting her and in real life.

“I knew a lawyer wasn’t necessary, this is a standard producer’s agreement.” Lindsay lowers the packet from in front of her face and smooths it onto the table. She glances up with a small smile as she slips a rectangular clamshell case from her purse. She cracks it open to retrieve what you assume is an exorbitantly expensive pen. She taps it to the first dotted line, freezing with her brows knit together. She takes a quick inhale before asking a question.

“How much do you make?” She twirls her pen as her posture shifts completely into focusing on you. Your mouth snaps shut, puzzled as to what she could be asking. You look around as if the bustling cafe will serve you any clues.

“Are you asking what my rates are?” You slowly move your finger to one of the many paragraphs on the contract. “$100 for every six hours. It’s outlined in the agreement.” You laugh nervously. She did read it, didn’t she? She laughs as well, but hers is incredulous.

“And that is criminally low, but that’s not what I’m asking. Is there a reason you charge that low? Do you get so many clients that how low this rate is doesn’t matter?” She’s starting to look worried… or maybe that’s judgement. You shift in your seat, hand rubbing your upper arm.

“N-no… it’s actually the opposite. I can’t afford to charge any higher. Then I wouldn’t get any bites.” You sink a little, unable to look at her after admitting something so pitiful. Lindsay looks to be fighting a fierce inner battle. She looks over the mezzanine the two of you are sitting atop of, stroking her chin. Why your nervousness manifests into a dry laugh, you’ll never know. One slips before you can get the words out.

“Is there something wrong? I mean, you can pay more if you’d like.” You offer half-jokingly. Lindsey’s eyes return to you after that, looking austere. You clench your mouth shut.

“You know, Juliette, I didn’t reach out to you because I heard you were cheap. I reached out to you because I heard you were good– no, great. After hearing it for myself, I was flabbergasted that I didn’t recognize your name. Forget about money, talent like this deserves fame!” She gathers both your hands with pure elation in her eyes. You’ll admit, it’s rubbing off on you. For a split second, the most vivid image of you with a Grammy in your hands flashes in your mind. But then you came to your senses. You carefully ease your hands away and she looks at you curiously. 

“I um… I’m sorry again if I sound rude but, I’m not entirely sure why you care so much?”

Her face softens in understanding.

“Right, and I’ll be totally honest with you. I’m very familiar with the music industry, but not exactly the western side.” She peeks to see if you’re following and you nod. She was born and raised in China, so it makes sense. 

“I’m a little close with some of the music executives in the East and I often pick up on tidbits of information. I’m sure you’re familiar with Chris Lee?”

Your expression hardens.

Oh. 

Oh.

You push yourself up from the table and take a deep breath. Of course. It’s so obvious now. You don’t know how you ever thought SM would take no for an answer.

“What’s the matter–”

“I am not working for SM. D– Are you a k-pop fan? Hell, you have to be aware of how bad SM’s relationship is with China, for good reason.” The anger squeezes the words out of you until there’s barely air left to supply them. You were worried about getting Anna Delvey’d and got Lee Sooman’d instead.

“Hey listen, I don’t work for SM. Like I said, I only heard about this through the grapevine.” Lindsay is cool as a cucumber as she attempts to talk you down. She gives you a look as if to say ‘I know you know you’re being unreasonable’. It only angers you further, but when she gestures for you to sit back down, you do so. Not only because you were causing a bit of a scene, but because you do have some things to say. 

“So, what, I was never getting paid? Was there no song?” You grill her but she stays calm, relaxing back into her chair even. 

“I never said that. I heard them lamenting over losing you and I had to check you out. I’m sure you know that I’m a no good party girl if you did your research. I’ve been dabbling in music. You wanna hear it?”

“No thanks. I believe you.” You reply sarcastically and roll your eyes. You’re more angry at yourself. How many times are you going to be almost coerced into literally selling your soul to satan. She starts speaking again but you don't even look at her in favor of mourning.

“You asked why I care so much?”

That catches your attention and you side eye her. 

“You’re absolutely right about SM. I hate them too. It’s the talent I’m focused on. You deserve to be paid better and the idols deserve better in general. Are you familiar with dearALICE?*” She takes a sip from her latte as she waits for your answer.

“... No?”

“Exactly. One of the members is a friend of mine. K-pop audiences don’t know they have a pre-release single out. People who don’t listen to K-pop don’t care. Focus groups are reacting negatively to every song DJ Rouge produces. They ended up rejecting Rouge altogether. James is worried sick about how the higher ups are talking about them. If they don’t find a producer who can give them a fresh sound that impresses the focus groups… James and his members might be put in the dungeon. They’re too talented for that.”

With that, Lindsay finishes her latte and stands from the table. You find yourself looking down at the lower floor now, immersed in thought. Lindsay tells you to think about it and message her before she leaves the cafe. SM putting an artist in the dungeon? Now that’s opening up old wounds. 

You felt so helpless when it happened back then.

( *Nothing stated about dearALICE or any real life artist or company reflects my opinions of them or what state they're in in real life. It is just made up for the narrative. )

🥀 𐮙 🐻ˋ°•*⁀➷

“I dunno… she seems strange. You can be an heiress and be sketchy.” Bloops and beeps sound as your best friend plays on her switch, laying like a corpse on your bed. What she says just blends in with her gaming commentary for you. You’re just thinking out loud. 

“The song is bad though*…” You mumble through nibbling your thumb nail. It commits the grave sin of having an instrumental be the chorus and a bad instrumental at that. You’ve never heard of a DJ Rouge, but he oughta be ashamed of himself. The poor souls are even drowned out by the backtrack and compressed all to hell.

“I can do better…” You say a little quieter, unsure of where it came from or if it made you sound arrogant. You really, really could though. You got a feel for them as much as you could. Listening to any snippet you could find of them singing or performing. Getting a feel for their natural aura and the vibe SM had in mind. You were waist deep into research when the question hit you.

Why you?

Why is Chris Lee in your DMs, checking if you changed your mind? Furthermore, are you the only producer they approached? That’s impossible. A company of their size probably has so many producers at their disposal. This feeling reminds you of being in the underground again. You hate this feeling, but you glance over at your document, feeling pricks of excitement.

( *Nothing stated about any real life artist or entity reflects my actual opinions, and is done solely for narrative purposes. )

🥀 𐮙 🐻ˋ°•*⁀➷

You blindly reach for your drink and brush against something. Multiple of something. Cans of soda and energy drinks topple off your desk. You look guiltily at your ipad propped up next to your monitor. The 3D man staring back at you smiles, oblivious to your chaos.

“Caleb, what am I doing?”

Just then, your ‘quality time’ session expires, the app prompting you to add more time or quit. There’s no need for more time. You glance at your finished project hesitantly. 

Lindsay messaged you five days ago and you told her you were still considering it. Truthfully your inner fangirl broke free from her chains and took the reins. Any breaks you had from producing the demo you spent rewatching your favorite SHINee moments from when you were younger. It was like the emotions never left. Taemin, the love of your life after Caleb, isn’t under SM anymore unfortunately (more like fortunately). But your bias and favorite person in the world still is. There’s a chance you’ll never meet him, but the odds are increased compared to before.

You close ProTools and Love and Deepspace before rolling away from your desk, thinking about how to celebrate finally completing this project. Your heart thumps against your ribcage at the thought of busting open tumblr and reading some Caleb smut. It takes you a moment, but you soon realize how sad that sounds. Your reward is imagining yourself having sex. You sigh, planning to text Lindsay after you commiserate with your bestie. 

I NEED to get laid

like… yesterday

You laugh to yourself, thinking of how she’ll respond. Either by agreeing or getting angry at you for reminding her of little play she gets.

Hey, sorry for the delay, how does Tuesday sound?

Lindsay’s phone buzzes and her acrylics clack against the screen as she opens the notification. She gasps lightly before the corner of her mouth curls into a smirk. She snorts, shoulder bouncing as they are kneaded into by her masseuse. Lindsay relaxes, sweeping her legs onto the living chair. If you’re having trouble with that, Lindsay has an offer that’s going to be hard to refuse.

She dials Chris’ number and he answers quickly. 

“They’re busting my balls over here.” He rushes out, already prepared to scold her. 

“Relax! I told you I would handle it.” She laughs softly into the receiver. 

“You better, because if you screw this up for us, Mr. Jang won’t want to see your face anywhere near here. Your gambling? It’s a bad look.”

She tongues her cheek as she thinks about your message again. 

“Hmmm, I’m feeling like raising my bet for dearALICE to 300k.” His silence on the other end makes her cover her mouth and laugh harder. “Oh, and tell James we’re best friends now, I’ll explain when I get there.”

🥀 𐮙 🐻ˋ°•*⁀➷

TUESDAY

“It’s fine. I already told you! A girl’s gotta get laid.” Lindsay shrugs, struggling to suppress her smile.

This only makes you crumble further with a wail of despair. 

“No, no, no!” It’s not being slutshamed that you’re worried about. It’s the soul crushing, utterly debilitating cringe. Your brain is distorting the message to be way more aggressive and debauched than it was and you wish you could turn it off. The moment your friend asked what you both had planned for Tuesday, your stomach dropped. You were hoping– praying to anyone that the message didn’t send. You weren’t so lucky.

“But girl! You live in Los Angeles! You can’t find a man?” Lindsay throws her leg over the other from the other side of her dining table.

“I don’t want a boyfriend, I just– NOPE!” This is the opposite of turning your brain off. This was the satisfying conversation you were supposed to be having with your friend when you sent that text. Not this embarrassing, confusing mess. You haven’t even told her about your demo yet.

“Look, do you want ice cream?” You don’t get to answer before Lindsay smiles at the woman… accompanying (?) you both by the table. She comes back with two tubs of ice cream with labels that can only be described as a graphic designer’s wet dream. You don’t even try to pronounce the name of the brand. You hesitantly grab the spoon like a child parsing if they’re doing something naughty. You glance at Lindsay who is already bringing a spoonful to her mouth. She rolls her eyes back with a moan of pure ecstacy. She points at the ice cream approvingly, nodding at you.

Well, if the ice cream is poisoned, at least you won’t have to feel the cringe any more. You peel the lid away and dip your spoon. Plain vanilla can only be so good. At least, that’s what you thought before the succulent ice cream smoothed over your tongue. In seconds you become an ice cream snob, because the cheap ice “cream” you bought at the store isn’t cream at all. This is what cream is truly like. You suddenly feel like falling to your knees and apologizing for the ice cream you made in middle school from shaking a bag.

After giving you some time to mingle with euphoria, Lindsay speaks again. 

“I get you, though, about not wanting a man. I hate men.” She digs up a heaping spoonful as she speaks and you forgive her for lingering on this topic. It’s the least you could do. 

“Love dick, though.” She says casually before popping the spoonful into her mouth. You blame the loud laugh that bursts through your lips on how loose and joyous the ice cream was making you. 

“Huh?”

“Dick?” Lindsay cocks her head to the side, a much too innocent gesture for the body part she just repeated. “Love it! Can’t live without it. I just wish it wasn’t attached to a man. Or if it was, it was attached to Qi Yu and he became real for some reason.”

Lindsay looks like a goddess even now while pigging out on ice cream, so it stuns you that she has fictional crushes too. With how she looks, she could easily bag a guy that looks like the fictional characters you fawn over.

“Is that an anime character or…” Your curiosity takes over. You’ll eventually get to the demo. 

“Oh! I mean… Rafayel. If it was attached to Rafayel.” She corrects before licking the back of her spoon. Your ears perk up but you don’t accept it at first. You jokingly say hot girls play Love and Deepspace, but is this hot girl actually playing Love and Deepspace?

“Rafayel?? Like, fishy?!”

Lindsay just grins at you, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Oh my– what level are you?” You don’t usually ask your fellow Love and Deepspace girlies this, but you need to parse how deep she is into the game before you get delusional.

“I’ve been playing since the game was released, so I’m at level 80. I’ve nearly gotten all the boys to level 100. I need to work on the two newbies, I’m a little behind.” She laughs and you almost bow to her when you remember she’s filthy rich. Of course her affinity is that high. Still, you can’t slow the fondness growing in your heart. This has to be a ruse, right?

“It’s so unfortunate most men pale in comparison. Everyone talks about k-pop idols who look like them but it’s usually not even close.” She sets down her spoon and covers her mouth with her hand, looking at you like she’s deliberating whether she should say something.

“K-pop guys aren’t really my type, but I met these two? I kid you not. It’s like being with real life Rafayel and Caleb. My two favs!” She squeals giddily and you involuntarily squeal with her. The thought of you with Rafayel and Caleb flanked by your side? Rafayel isn’t even your second favorite but you have a soft spot for him. The thought is enough to melt you into a puddle on her white, porcelain marble floors. You don’t know how she brought the whore out of you so easily.

You want to ask who so very bad, but she’s back to eating her ice cream. Dancing to indicate she’s just as blissed out as you are.

As the meeting progresses, you’re less eager to reveal your hand. Lindsay suggests you at least try it out, a trial period. You want to at least show dearALICE the demo and a vacation to Korea doesn’t sound horrible. But you know better, and she already lied and blindsided you once. What, one tub of ice cream and conversation about your favorite game and you’re just going to bend over and take it? They call it selling your soul for a reason. You didn’t ditch the underground to become chained to a soulless company. 

One you know the troubled history of.

“I would miss my bestie too much. I’m sorry…”

“I’m not fluent in Korean.”

“I don’t have the money to uproot my life right now!”

These are the excuses you offer up in favor of cursing SM’s name for however long she’ll allow it. For some reason, you’re getting the vibe that she sees right through your excuses. She crosses her arms and sighs. The two of you had moved to her chic office, and you think that’s partially responsible for why this all feels so real now. 

“I don’t believe those are why you don't want to move.” Her stare is intense, like she’s waiting to see you cave. You were right, she did see right through you. “Do you want to know why they’re so enthusiastic about you?” 

Not exactly what you were hiding, but now that she mentions it…

“Yeah. It’s a little confusing.”

“They’ve been following you for longer than you think. I have, too. It was only after I heard SM wanted to hire you that I knew you were kibumberry.”

You recoil at the mention of your old Tumblr blog. She saw those horrible demos? Her and… people at SM?

“Yeah, I was a huge fan. Now that I look back on it, a lot of those demos weren’t great, but there was one from 2018. Your most popular one before you disappeared. Key saw this one and loved it.” Your vision of Lindsay smiling before you gets a little hazy. You don’t know if you’re getting light-headed or what, but that information just refuses to settle in your brain. Key? Kim Kibum?

“No…” You try to stay calm, stay reasonable, but your heart is beating a mile a minute.

“The fact that you were only eighteen when you made it threw everyone for a loop. Unfortunately, and you know how execs are, they thought you were too inexperienced and it was too risky. But it’s been seven years. I think it’s time you realize that potential.”

You look up at Lindsay with a twinkle in your eyes. Just then you see something in her’s, something that constricts your heart with fear. She smirks, a knowing look on her face. She sighs peacefully before driving the nail in further.

“Well, when I spoke to Kibum about this recently, he was a little worried about SHINee’s next comeback. Don’t get me wrong, he’s excited to finally work with you and maybe even release that song. He just doesn’t want to get your hopes up about anything soon.”

“Are you sure you have that right? He heard my work? From back then? And liked it? I-I don’t know, this is all too much!” You look to the ground, trying to make sense of any of this. Lindsay smirks again, obscuring her face with her hand as she lets out a small laugh.

“Oh, doll. You haven’t even asked about the pay yet.”

CHAPTER ONEˋ°•*⁀➷

“I never thought I’d have a salary, but it’s just too much money to pass up on, mom.” You have your phone pinched between your shoulder and ear as you fold clothes and set them into your suitcase.

“Oh I’m not worried about you having a salary. In fact, that’s ideal. I’m worried about you going to a different country. I told you this when you were younger. Baby, those men don’t care about you. All that fake shit they do to the camera is to get money out of you–”

“Mom, do you really think I’m uprooting my life to date boys?” She didn’t need to know that in that moment, you thought back to the two idols Lindsay was talking about. But who cares? You can’t even explain to her that the one plastered all over your walls? The one you stole her lipstick to litter kiss marks all over his posters? He’s not even where you’re going. “I’m going to fulfill my dreams. Focus on the money and salary part if you have to.”

“Oh I am! I just hope you’re not living in a fantasy, babe. Why did I hear from one of my colleagues that you named yourself after one of Shine’s songs?”

“Okay, bye mom!” You hang up, throwing your phone on the bed as embarrassment and anger fight for dominance in your chest. 

It didn’t matter that everyone in your life was telling you not to do this. The tickets were already paid for by SM and you already have your apartment set up for you. It would be disrespectful. But also…  and this is the part you left out when sharing the news… violating the contract you signed without a lawyer present.

You hurriedly defend your actions as dread starts to set in. Yes, as outlined in your contract, you’re officially starting a 9-5. And you’ll probably have no free time. And all of this is going to be hard to adjust to, but Lindsay is going to be in Korea a week after you get there. She’ll have your back.

Lindsay, who is on a private jet as you speak, is popping a bottle of champagne as everyone around her cheers. They're celebrating finally meeting the quota.

You’re flying economy eight days later, stuck in between a bickering couple who insisted you were okay sitting between them. You don’t know what you expected. You’re not Marshmallow, they’re not forking up anything higher than maybe premium economy for the likes of you. You’re not proud to admit that you’re already slightly regretting at least some of this. You pinch your nose bridge, cursing yourself for not having a lawyer look over that contract.

Your apartment is smaller than the one from home, and you barely take your shoes off before your phone buzzes. It’s your work schedule. You start in two days. 

What have you done?

🥀 𐮙 🐻ˋ°•*⁀➷

A week in, you’re sending a hysterical, long message to Lindsay. They have you waking up at five a.m. almost every day. Even on days where you just have to sit in a meeting that is only translated by one of the execs when he feels like it. You’re not allowed to be seen on your phone if you’re not on break. Not even to check your email or a text. If they catch you, they scold you like a child.

And worst of all? Your creative freedom is a forgotten dream. Your moodboards are laughed out of the room. Your bulleted lists are shot down. No, they have their own bulleted lists. You garnered the courage from your pure annoyance with all this crap to suggest that hey, maybe we shouldn’t drown out dearALICE’s vocals. You know, the core part of the song? What happened? You guessed it.

You were fucking scolded.

The money isn’t worth this. This is something you knew already. You told yourself this as soon as you decided to pursue your dreams. No price is worth forfeiting your vision. 

You listen to your dearALICE demo again and again, mourning the loss of all your hard work. Your mind wanders to your last saving grace in all this turmoil. You switch to your seven-year-old SHINee demo. Would Key fight for your creative freedom? Or is that wishful thinking too.

Lindsey and who the hell are you?

You gawk at the message before groaning and throwing your phone away. She needs to figure out she texted the wrong number quickly so you can talk about this with someone who won’t say ‘I told you so’. Your phone buzzes again and you forlornly retrieve it.

Lindsey oooh em geee girl. lol i totally sent this to the wrong person. noooo don’t be discouraged.

I’m sorry, I’m genuinely wondering if I should cut my losses and just lawyer up to break my contract early.

Lindsey texts back at the speed of light this time.

Lindsey What?? OMG! If you need anything, let me know and I’ll help you out. Because you know how little of the lawsuits against SM were won! It’s scary…

I know… 

This is just everything I stand against and I let my excitement cloud my better judgement. 

Lindsey Yeah :((( you do what’s best for you!

Lindsey I almost forgot, I was just talking with Yizhuo (she’s a member of a newer SM girl group) and she’s a Love and Deepspace girlie just like us! I’ll send you her number

Ah, Love and Deepspace. You lost your streak for the first time since you downloaded. Every time you’ve opened it, you get scolded by Caleb for being gone for multiple days so you dread visiting him. Maybe playing it for a little will fix you. 

Lindsay sends you her number, but you’re hesitant. You hate meeting new people. It would be nice to have someone to talk about the game with since your friend doesn’t play it, but it’s going to be so awkward.

You’re immediately sucked into the game as soon as you open it. Lucky for you, Sylus’ birthday event just started. You have a lot of grinding to do. You have to find the willpower to open the app when you get home and not just rot in your bed watching tv. Your dinky Korean phone sends a notification and you check it quickly, traumatized from the last time you missed a text from Chris.

+010 XXXX XXXX Heeeey! PLEASE tell me your favorite LaDS guy, I need to know.

This must be Yizhuo. Did Lindsay give her your number as well?

Hey, this must be Yizhuo? And my favorite is Caleb… haha

Maybe: Yizhuo AAAAAH WHAT?! Girl he’s mine! Lol, just kidding. But I think I can’t live without him :*) We even have similar names lololol

LMAO really? Me too tbh… can’t get through paperwork without him

Yizhuo Yes!! I prop him up when I’m practicing so we can exercise together

Halfway through the conversation, you call each other so you can talk while playing the game. You suppose it is easy to get along when there’s a strong common interest. You’ll admit she was a welcome distraction. You even successfully started playing the game regularly again. She says you helped her with her streak as well. 

It’s not long before you guys start saying what’s really on your mind.

“If Yizhou would give me a chance I would wear him out good.” NingNing (as she told you to call her) hums like she just ate something delicious. You sigh loudly. Your vagina agrees. You’re a little scared to have a one night stand after the talk your boss gave at a meeting one day. He warned against inappropriate behavior and making SM look bad. It felt a little pointed at you, as you were one of two Americans, and the other one had been living in Korea since they were ten. You’ll admit you let an innuendo slip in the break room. Never had you experienced embarrassment than when the two other people there looked at you like you had two heads.

What if the person you sleep with finds out you work at SM? You have pictures from work on your Instagram, and you were told to follow the official SM accounts on all socials. If it got back to your boss, he would probably slut shame you. Or worse, you’d get fired and your mom would rip you a new one.

“Do you know where a girl can get a good dildo?” You grunt, selecting the ‘palm’ interaction with Caleb for the eightieth time today.

“The SM halloween party.” NingNing practically honks at her own joke before snorting into oblivion. You just sit there with your mouth agape. You never really pry into her idol life or what other idols are like. After producing for not only dearALICE but RIIZE and Mytro too, you get the sense their day to day is just as mundane as yours. They’re just as terrified of the higher ups as you are. Every time one of you gets scolded, you all just look at each other. You’re not going to lie to yourself and say you’re not intrigued about other things. Especially since you can’t get what Lindsay said out of your mind.

“I’m just kidding… or am I? Sungchan, where you at?”

You and NingNing immediately start screaming and laughing like you’re both up later than you should be at a sleepover. 

“NingNing!”

“I’m just kidding! I’m just kidding…”

You anticipate what she’s going to say and say it at the same time. 

“Or am I.”

You’re sent back into hysterics like school girls. 

“You should come this year! The staff aren’t not allowed to do much, but it’s still fun!”

You didn’t have the heart to tell her since she seems so excited to have someone to talk about LaDS with, but you probably won’t be here that long. The longer you stay, the more your only passion becomes a chore. You didn’t used to hate the mundane parts of production, but they’re like a slog now.

I looked it up, and maybe I can get a settlement with them and maybe have my contract altered?

You’ve been working with Lindsay on what to do. You feel like she’s the only person you can be truly honest with. However, you notice her texts are getting shorter.

Lindsay hmm yeah that sounds rght

Sorry if I’m asking for too much, but could you ask your lawyer if that’s even possible? I’m grasping at straws here haha.

Lindsay yeah my lawyer is here with me, we happened to be meeting each other when you txtd. he says he’s surprised you’re trying to leave. he said so many people would kill to have this job, and that you should consider yourself lucky to have an easy job.

Lindsay i persnkly dont agree, but he’s saying waking up at 5am isn’t tht ba,d

You can’t help how your chest gets hot at that insinuation. Did he seriously think that’s all you were complaining about? It was a large factor, but that’s minimizing your complaints. You don’t even know what to say. You’re not going to argue with him through Lindsay.

His words linger long after you read them. Every time a group’s manager makes a rude remark or scolds you, you wonder if your frustration is unwarranted. If you should just be taking it because the pay is good.

No matter how hard you try, you can’t stomach it. So when the overpaid babysitter tries to tell you how to do your job, you snap a little bit.

He shouted at you for over ten minutes while the group watched in horror. You balled your fists and avoided his eyes at all costs, lest he see the fury in your eyes. You get home and slam your door shut, chucking your phone at the wall with a frustrated grunt. Are you a child? And what does he know about production? If it were up to him, the finished product would be filled with dispassionate performances. And you’re sick of the little jabs at your instrumentals.

You furiously type up a text to Lindsay.

Lindsay, I’m sorry. I want to help James and everyone else, and I’d hate to let Key down—

You stop as you type that. Would future you hate you or love you for this decision? Probably both. The unknown is scary, but what you might do to one of these group’s managers scares you even more. You don’t need to be in jail and all over the news.

— but I can’t do this anymore. I’m going through with terminating my contract early

It was only there for a split second, but you swore you saw a message from Lindsay only for it to disappear.

Lindsay Come see me on your next off day.

The true power of a billionaire’s daughter is having mansions in multiple countries. This one is nicer than the one in America, though. It’s clear she stays in Korea a lot more.

“Please, sit. I’ll have Misook bring in some tea.” Lindsay gestures at the woman standing by the wall patiently as you sit opposite her on the other couch.

“Misook, can you please bring some chamomile tea for me and my friend? Add a teaspoon of honey and ensure it isn’t too hot when you bring it over.”

Misook agrees with a warm smile and bows before doing just that. Then Lindsay turns to you and you get this feeling in your gut. A similar feeling to how you felt on the plane ride here. Something about her patient smile unsettles you.

“SM sucks, huh?” She squints and wrinkles her nose at you. You clench your teeth and smile, hesitantly agreeing.

“It’s just not for me.”

“Every time I get home from a meeting I feel like a ball of stress. Work stress is worse than regular stress, it’s harder to get rid of.” She lets out a lighthearted chuckle and you’re starting to understand your unsettled feeling. This casual air to the way she speaks to you doesn’t feel natural. And you hate that the thought comes to mind, but what does she know about work?

“Yeah, the tea is very thoughtful actually.” You both laugh insincerely. The laughter prolongs awkwardly, like one person is waiting for the other to stop.

“Tea won’t do it, girl! I'm telling you, I’ve tried so many things. The only thing that truly gets rid of the stiffness is good dick.” 

Misook is back and you’re glad you’re both speaking English. She sets the delicate china in front of each of you.

“How have the men here been treating you? Same shit, huh?” She lifts the small saucer and teacup, nodding at you before taking a sip. You follow suit, delaying your response. You actually don’t like tea, but you’re hoping the calming effect everyone talks about is real.

“Actually, I haven’t had sex since I got here. Well, longer than that but you know what I mean.”

Lindsay slams her saucer to the table and gawks at you. “You what?!”

Before you could deescalate her energy, she is standing up and making her way to you. She sits next to you and gathers your hands in her lap. With a passionate look, she says,

“No wonder you’re so stressed out! Doll, you have to let it out! You literally work around hot men all the time!” She shakes your hands for emphasis and you slowly slip them away to lessen the sudden overstimulation.

“Ahem, no. None of them are my type, and—”

“And nothing! If you’re about to tell me you’re too scared to have sex with an idol because you could get in trouble, then you’re crazy! If anyone knows how to not get caught doing something they aren’t supposed to, it’s k-pop idols.” She stands in front of you like a hero who just rescued a civilian.

“And not only that, they are itching for it. When you have to sneaky link for sex every time, you start to have less of it. It’s exhausting! But it only makes you crave it more. Who is your type.”

“Well Taemin is my ultimate—”

“No. Someone still in the company.”

“Um… I don’t know. I—”

“Someone like Caleb? Strong, nice smile, dog-like energy? Unfortunately who I'm thinking of is a bit of a… package deal.” The look in Lindsay’s eyes when she glances up at you makes you wonder if she knows exactly what you’re thinking. Your mind goes straight to what’s been plaguing your mind since you got here.

‘... but I met these two? I kid you not. It’s like being with real life Rafayel and Caleb. My two favs!’

“Those two you said remind you of Raf and Caleb…” You start and she perks up. “They’re under SM?” 

They very well could be. Before you slipped out of the fandom, so many groups had debuted. You just weren’t interested in anyone other than the groups who got you into k-pop in the first place. Still… wouldn’t you have at least heard it from the LaDS fandom? You hear about that one twenty-year old from that survival show group who looks like a baby Sylus, never a duo that resembles Caleb and Rafayel.

“Yeah. D’you want their numbers?” Lindsay’s phone seems to teleport into her hand as she points it to you. 

“N-no! Do you know how weird that is?”

How weird this all is. Is she telling you to use the musicians you work with? If someone did this to you, you’d slap them across the face. 

“Weird? They’re practically begging for it. I bet you’ve noticed how feral Yizhuo is.”

“No, Lindsay. That’s not why I’m here. I don’t use my access to celebrities to sleep with them, it sounds predatory.”

Lindsay's face pinches then, plainly expressing her disfavor. She straightens it out shortly after, tapping on her phone. You have no clue what she’s up to until your phone buzzes. You slip it out to see a link to download an app. SCR is the name of it, and it looks sketchy as all get out. You look at her questioningly. 

“Don’t believe me,” she gestures at your phone, encouraging you to download it, “see for yourself.”

CHAPTER TWOˋ°•*⁀➷

To be clear, any group of people when using an app where evidence of what they say can’t be traced would say pretty racy things. Regardless of fame level or profession. These idols just have more resources with more restrictions to boot. Still, you’re not going to pretend these messages didn’t catch you off guard. Once you finally downloaded it, you were faced with UI that can only hint to some sort of malware on your phone. You couldn’t look at the app for long at first because it gave you a headache. The first message to you was from Lindsay. You couldn’t help but notice you never signed up, yet your full name is your display name. Lindsay’s being the same makes you feel at least a little more at ease. 

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ Once you see this message, lmk.

You text her back, awaiting this evidence she seemed so confident about. Instead you get… instructions?

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ Welcome to SCR! Wondering what that stands for? It’s pretty cut and dry! It stands for Secret Chat Room! It was created by someone just like you who was constantly surveilled and needed an escape. We apologize in advance for what the background of the app might do to your eyes, but you have to understand it’s needed! You see, this specific pattern causes a glitch in most phone cameras that warps any pictures taken of it. As for screenshots, if you have ever used snapchat you know you get notified if anyone takes a screenshot. The same goes for SCR. They are also strictly prohibited. Any screenshots taken will notify not only the users in that chat, but me, Kim Heechul, as well. We will work together to ensure the photos no longer exist. That will be a hassle for both of us, so let’s not take it there ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Anyway, enjoy your time with SCR!

You drop your phone onto your bed and rub away your chill bumps. Why is this message so… threatening? He’ll ensure the photo no longer exists? You shudder as you lift your phone again. This is the closest you’ve ever felt to the deep or dark web or whatever it’s called. This feeling only intensifies when you see one of the groups Lindsay invites you to. 

Cheesily named “Gossip Girls”, this is the only chat you’re in with zero idols in it. It’s full of all of the non-idols that managed to get an invite. This is a very deliberate decision, because all they do is gossip about idols. This is how you find out Yuri is currently… We'll say deciding between a few men. None of them have any clue according to this stylist. You learned about an orgy, some 4th gen idol getting herpes and then taking a sick leave, fights that broke out, and groups/members that have beef. Your heart races as you look over these career ruining pictures sent to the group chat. Drugs, sex, and just all around delinquent behavior. In just thirty minutes of being glued to your phone, you had so many public images ruined for you. 

What they say is true, these idols are not who you think they are. You knew this, but seeing so much being confirmed in such a short amount of time winded you. You had to take a break. How do these girls do this all day? Then you felt it… that hint of exhilaration. You are (slightly) ashamed of yourself for opening that group chat back up to feel that rush of utter shock. It was then that you saw a picture of a once princely L from Infinite being very unprincely that you decided it was enough for the day. Your bingo card for the next one million years would have never included L snorting crack from someone’s asshole and you seeing it with your own two eyes.

“Wow…” You exhale shakily. Just like post-nut clarity, you feel extremely disgusted the longer you sit on what you saw. Not in them, in yourself and everyone spreading these photos and rumors. Isn’t the whole point of the app to escape prying eyes? That gossip girl group chat feels like reading gross tabloids or rubbing elbows with sasaengs. 

You let days pass by without opening that god forsaken app. Thankfully there are no notifications for the app, so it was a peaceful separation. 

This weekend is the first in a while where you and NingNing are both free. You flip a coin and decide the two of you are playing Animal Crossing today. You go from having a cute date to being stuck in a loop of whacking each other on the head with your nets. 

“Ooooh if there was a fart option so help me!” NingNing growls. You cease your whacking as the most visceral image is triggered into your mind of L snorting that crack from a crack and since NingNing unfortunately mention farting–

You shout loudly in an attempt to force the image from your brain, tossing your switch like a frisbee to the other side of your bed. “Oh my GOD!” You screech like you just witnessed an unimaginable eldritch horror. 

“What?! What?!” She sounds worried, but you can still hear the cartoonish swish and womp of her net upside your poor villager’s head. 

“Why L??! Why?!” You wail in agony before falling forward onto the bed. 

“Oh, right. Lindsay told me she invited you to SCR. I feel like it’s a… what’s it called… canon event for everyone to fall out of love with their favorite idol after downloading it.” She laughs crassly before stuffing her mouth with chips. She knows? She knows about this and she’s this casual? Your mind is permanently altered!

“You–! Did you see the picture too? Doing crack is one thing. Snorting it out of someone else’s ass is–”

“He did what?!” Only then does the whacking finally cease. You sit there, feeling like the physical manifestation of a question mark. 

“You didn’t know?”

“How did you know that?”

Upon learning about gossip girls, NingNing demanded to be added. There was no way in hell you were making that decision so you redirected her to Lindsay. She immediately hangs up on you, only to call you back about five minutes later. 

“So?”

“Check the group chat! Everyone is freaking out!” She laughs mischievously. You take a deep breath as you eye the group chat moving quickly. You shut your eyes as you press the group. When you crack your eye open, you see all hell breaking loose. The group chat is not happy about an idol being there, panicking about the messages they sent and the lack of an option to delete them. 

“Is this what they’re saying about me?” NingNing laughs, presumably doing the same thing that you and everyone else is doing and searching her name to see how heinous the rumors about her are. 

Ning Yizhuo`⎚⩊⎚´ -✧ oh… is that all you guys said about me? I’ll have you know, Sungchan and I did not date. We did fuck though ;))

The group chat explodes again, seemingly accepting another degenerate into their little club. Speaking of degeneracy…

You hadn’t checked the other group chats you were invited to. The first one you check is named “Scheduling”. A little vague and scary, but it turned out to be one of the guesses you had. An idol sends a message of when they’re free and, well, looking to score. They ask anyone interested and that meets the criteria they outline to message them privately, so the chat is full of requests and no responses. You see requests from lots of idols, but what you’re starting to gather from this and the next group chat is that some idols aren’t on this app, for obvious reasons. More importantly, SHINee is nowhere to be found. You can’t believe the disappointment that nips at you. 

The next one seems like a general group chat with what must be everyone on the app in it. It’s pretty similar to gossip girls, with the exception that you see the degeneracy of the idols from the source. You catch yourself laughing at some of the messages. 

“Oh! I almost forgot. If you’re on the app, you should join this one.” Says NingNing with her mouth full as another group chat pops up on your screen. “00-04z”.

🥀 𐮙 🐻ˋ°•*⁀➷

Lindsey Liu꒰੭ believe me yet?

You suppose you don’t have a frame of reference, but this is a bit what you expected all celebrities to be like. But you haven’t seen, say, Emma Watson taking a selfie mid-coitus. But if you said you didn’t feel like you were introduced to an entirely new world, you would be lying. You’d also be lying if you said you didn’t look up interviews with every idol you find something out about to compare. That kept you up far past your bedtime.

It was 3am when you decided to open the chat NingNing invited you to. You felt like you were stranded in unfamiliar territory. It was filled with idols you didn’t recognize. You’re positioned back to when you were first added. The conversation continues without anyone mentioning you. Only for a bit.

Han Jisung⓪⓪ hey

Baek Jiheon⓪③ rock paper scissors?

Yoon Sanha⓪⓪ are you in preschool? lol no. 

Han Jisung⓪⓪ kids.

Baek Jiheon⓪③ come ooonnnn!!! T__T

Kim Chaehyun⓪② There’s only one spot left. We have to decide.

Han Jisung⓪⓪ fresh meat

Yoon Keeho⓪① ?

Park Sohyun⓪② huh?

Zhong Chenle⓪① where?

Yang Jungwon⓪④ Why would you say it like that…

Kim Suyeon⓪③ new member? Where?

Han Jisung⓪⓪ … the only member with their name in english

Your head is already spinning from the amount of unfamiliar names, reading these messages about you only makes things worse. You find yourself holding your breath despite knowing this conversation happened hours ago.

Choi Jongho⓪⓪ Can they even understand us? haha

Yoon Keeho⓪① AYE. You there?

Ning Yizhuo⓪② Guys omg lol. That’s my girl friend. She’s ‘00.

Park Sohyun⓪② A girl????

Yoon Sanha⓪⓪ yessss. another point for zero-zeros.

Jang Eunseong⓪⓪ Another point for GIRL zero-zeros. We were drowning :*)

Yoon Sanha⓪⓪ maybe she could come lolololololol

Baek Jiheon⓪③ WHAT?! 

Yu Jimin⓪⓪ She hasn’t even spoken yet lol. NingNing?

Ning Yizhuo⓪② She’ll come eventually. She’s a little shy.

Zhou Xinyu⓪② awwwwww

Na Jaemin⓪⓪ Shy? ;3

Oh god, what was NingNing doing? She could have lied and said you were asleep. She’s not lying, but there’s something about being introduced as shy. Some people see it as a challenge. Those are the vibes you’re getting from this Jaemin character. Just from one text.

Na Jaemin⓪⓪ Someone spell out the pronunciation of her name in Hangul

That ‘Keeho’ person does it, and you watch in horror as they speculate about your attributes. If you’re tall or short, what your ethnicity is, and as Jaemin put it,

Na Jaemin⓪⓪ Is she as cute as you’re making her seem, NingNing?

Ning Yizhuo⓪② Ha Ha. Yeaaahh, stay away from her you junkie.

As you scroll down, you notice that he seems to be very curious about you. Everyone is, as you’re the first non-idol to be added to the chat. You can’t help feeling like a carcass with several vultures circling overhead. 

Your blinks get heavier and heavier until you drift into a different room. You’re tangled in red, satin sheets like the last tv show you watched. It feels nice, far nicer and more vivid than it should. You want to sink deeper when you feel a pair of hands on you. The hands sizzle against your cool skin, wasting no time getting under your flimsy slip and fondling you. You would be shocked if it didn’t feel so good. With two hands on your breasts, you feel another cup your heat. A strangled moan breaks free from your lips as you close your thighs around the hand. The first pair pries them back open. The omniscient sense that only exists in your dreams tells you that you know these two men. You can hear a dog tag jingling as the second one slips your panties to the side. If that’s Caleb, and this is your dream, the second has to be Sylus. But no, there is purple hair in your peripheral. Rafayel and Caleb… you feel lust skitter up your legs to your lower stomach. You bite your lip as a finger slips into your heat. You peer over at Rafayel as his finger slips into your mouth. 

“Is she as cute as you’re making her seem, NingNing?” He turns to someone in the doorway. As soon as you follow his eyeline, Lindsay slams the door shut. You jolt from the noise back into consciousness. You peer at your front door as if Lindsay would be there, your skin still feeling seared where those hands were.

Your lustful bliss wasn’t able to ease you through your work day unfortunately. As your bosses and the group’s managers pried any tranquility from you, you focus more on the strange part of the dream. Lindsay’s eyes become more haunting. Your last visit to her house is all you can think about. Then you start to pick apart all the other times you spoke with her–

“Are you listening? Hey! This is fucking garbage. What the hell were you thinking?!” One of the A&R managers, Mr. Myeong snaps in front of your face before banging his fist into the keyboard. You can’t stop your hands before they lurch toward the keyboard to stop him. He screws something up with your project, so you just apologize, dodge his eyes, and reach for your mouse. He smacks it away, cursing at you. You grasp your hand, looking up at him in disbelief. Bad idea. He chuts and almost shoves you straight out of the chair. You stumble away, barely catching yourself.

He mutters under his breath, clacking at the keyboard and clicking the mouse like it personally affronted him. 

“How many times do we have to correct you before you get it right?”

You hazard a glance toward the monitor. You gasp, covering your mouth as you watch him delete the entire project. He moves to your other pro tools files, highlighting all of them. You lunge toward him, grabbing his hand on the mouse before shouting for him to stop.

 He rips his hand away, standing from the chair and giving you the most disgusted look you’ve ever been given. He swiftly raises his hand and you flinch, guarding yourself. 

“Piece of trash…” He says under his breath before storming out of the room. Your heart thunders against your chest with each of his footsteps away from the media room. You don’t realize that you’re still guarding your face and lower your arms. You stand there, staring at your feet but really at nothing at all. You raise your shaky hands before balling them into fists.

The next two weeks feel like torture. You don’t dread work like normal people do. You prepare yourself for the emptying of your will and passion every time you clock in. Your bosses keep criticizing your messily tucked in shirt or mismatched socks but you can’t bring yourself to care anymore. 

You can feel yourself starting to hate producing.

You’ve made up your mind.

You’re going to quit.

Lindsay keeps texting you, but even deciding whether or not to answer is another layer of stress you can’t afford. You catch a glimpse of her celebrating her card pulls and you feel guilt tug at you. It’s just too much. Admitting your mom was right isn’t half as bad as suffering through this job.

I’m going to miss you, NingNing :((((

NingNing Ughhhh, I guess we can still talk about LaDS but that’s already what I was doing before! I want to talk about LaDS with someone I already know IN REAL LIFE!!

You pout for her, sitting on the edge of your bed with the horrendous posture you’ve adopted. As you type your response, something hits you and you backspace it all.

Why don’t you talk about it with Lindsay?

NingNing Oh PLEASE. She would just tell me to shut up.

Why would she do that, you think. But you suppose those two do have a sibling-esque dynamic. You exhale deeply before lying back on your bed. Your legs draw together like they do every time you get home nowadays. Especially after that dream, you can’t help touching yourself as soon as you get home. You bite your lip as you slip your work pants off and your underwear. Lately everything has been arousing you. You can’t watch any movie or show with a sex scene or else you’ll end up rewinding over and over until you get off and feel disgusted with yourself. Men at work with tight pants, women at work with tight blouses. Everything sets you off. It’s excruciating since masturbating or humping your bed like you’re doing now isn’t cutting it.

Forget someone finding out you work at SM, you don’t even have time for sex. That, and there was something so sweet about rotting your mind to porn. Love and Deepspace smut was great, but you had to use too much brain power. With porn, you could just turn it off. 

By month four of working at SM, you were a husk. The only thing that made something break through were the worried looks on the idol’s faces when they worked with you and the hurt texts from Lindsay. 

“I appreciate that you’re finally listening to instruction, but can you please speak louder?” dearALICE’s manager pats you on the back before humming encouragingly. He was less upfront about his disrespect, and you can’t decide if that was better or worse. He didn’t understand personal space and his only mode of speaking was sarcasm and backhanded compliments.

Despite feeling like the puppet they always wanted you to be, you still received “notes” at the next meeting. The next A&R staff assembly included a portion about enthusiasm and the cons of having a resting bitch face. Basically they want you to be a puppet and be happy about it. That’s a step too far for you. They’re getting what they want anyway. They keep bringing it up until you’re being pulled to the side by Chris himself about your strange behavior. It’s not that you’re being a smartass, you just don’t have it in you to emote while speaking to him. 

“Can you at least try to smile? D’you know how disrespectful it is to reply like an annoyed teen to your higher ups? Cut it out!” He shouts, through with trying to hide the fact that he’s scolding you on the side of the hall. Your coworkers walk past, looking confused and scared by the outburst.

You can’t catch a break from your coworkers either. To them, you’re an unenthusiastic trouble maker. Pretty much everyone in the building hates you. It doesn’t matter, you won’t be bothering them for much longer. 

Lindsay seems more erratic this particular day, blowing up your phone to the point you have to put it on do not disturb.

You get home and the cycle repeats. You strip down, hump your hand until you cum, turn on porn to do it again, turn on one of the more salacious sex scenes you can’t stop thinking about to do it again. And right as sleep is cradling you, the dream is vivid in your mind. You think of the soft satin against your legs, the fingers in your mouth and in your cunt and you jut into your hand one last time. Then you drift to sleep, the exhaustion at its peak. 

CHAPTER THREEˋ°•*⁀➷

No matter how many times your alarm goes off at five a.m., you always find yourself in a battle with your nineteen year old self. Because it still doesn’t seem real that you have a real job. With a schedule. And a fucking evaluation each quarter.

NingNing are you not seeing the gc? Lindsay just sent something CRAZY

You choose to ignore her text for one simple reason. It’s much too early to translate. You’re already grouchy from the impending evaluation, you’d rather just hurry and get ready for your first scheduled session. 

And throughout all three hours of said session, your phone is buzzing into oblivion. You have to wonder if a cartoonish vein is popping out of your forehead when one of the members stops singing in the booth. You look up to see not only him, but everyone else in the studio staring at you. 

“Juliette, if you need to excuse yourself for a moment to answer your phone, please do so.” Says the boys’ manager, looking unimpressed with your attitude. Embarrassed, you immediately stand up, bowing at everyone in the room and softly apologizing in Korean. 

You rush out in the hall, half of you just excited to be relieved of the tension you caused and the other half is eager to mute NingNing and Lindsay. Both of them are urging you to check the gossip girls group chat. You search for the app, forgetting what it’s called since you rarely use it. The less familiar logo is grouped with the other messaging apps. SCR… right, you think, and what does that mean again?

You’re tempted to delete it since it’s collecting dust, but deep down you know exactly why you won’t. You pretty much pass out as soon as you get home, so you haven’t checked it. But you haven’t forgotten the new world that has opened up to you.

The group chat has over 999+ unread messages. You’re not sure just how much that plus is hinting at since you rarely open it, but you remember there being significantly less the last time you glanced at the home page. And that wasn’t that long ago. That’s when you see the previews of the messages flying by. 

their shoulders are so broad, it gets me… this is so strange Lindsay, do you know their type? I wa… kinda horny now lololol I bet they only like really skinny girls… So what’s their size? Don’t leave us… i’d pay just to see it lol god they would KILL on onlyfans

… What in the world is going on? You tap the group chat at the speed of light. Frustratingly you’re positioned where you left off two months ago. When you finally get to what you assume NingNing is freaking out about, you see that it’s already translated for you.

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ Hello dolls, As some of you may know, I am moving back to Shanghai for the time being :*(. I know, I’m so sad! I’ll miss seeing your gorgeous, gorgeous faces in real life. Anyway, I’ve decided to leave you guys with a parting gift. Me being the only person to experience this feels like a waste. One of you has got to have sex with Nomin.

You gasp, hugging your phone against your chest. Your thighs clench on their own, feeling that lust creep through your bloodstream. God, not right now. The door creaks open and you feel your soul threatening to leave your body. 

“Are you okay?” The manager peeks his head out, looking just as annoyed as he always is.

“I-I’m sorry, there’s an emergency!” Your face is sizzling hot as you lock your phone. His face gradually softens. 

“You don’t look too good, you can take a short break–”

“Okay, thanks!” You rush toward a bathroom, any bathroom. Only when you’re locked in a stall do you feel yourself calm down. Your face is still hot to the touch as you unlock your phone. You have to admit, Lindsay really caught you off guard. God… if someone had glanced over your shoulder, you would’ve had your ass handed to you. Despite what their artists sing about and how they dance, SM is a very sexless place. Any innuendos or allusions to sex are strictly prohibited. A part of you felt like that was only targeted at you because you were American (not that you would blame them). But after being here for four months, you’ve gotten very used to the sterile environment. 

You’re already so sensitive to anything suggestive. Is she joking? If she is, it is a little funny. You think to message her that before you continue. 

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ Don’t worry, I won’t be jealous or anything. If you know me, then you know I refuse to be attached to any man lol. But you should know that they don’t just fuck anybody. From what they’ve told me, they don’t look at most girls. They’re very particular about the girls they seek out. If you ask me, that’s exactly why they barely have threesomes lol.

The first of many thoughts to surface is that Lindsay is clearly not joking. The next is a glaring question.

Who is Nomin?

You know better than to assume the k-pop industry debuted a nonbinary idol, so you’re not surprised when your google search returns two men. You’re also not surprised that you don’t recognize them since they debuted around the time you stopped caring about new groups. You recognize one of the names, you figure it must be from one of the group chats. They’re handsome, though. Very much so. They’re both charming in their own way, and you can see why they’re paired up. The vibes are reminiscent of the classic cat/dog dynamic you’ve seen. You tap your index finger against your lips as you sift through the images. They have nice physiques. They’re okay, I’ll always be a Taemin girl, though. You spin your ring mindlessly, unable to tear your eyes away from Jeno’s bare torso.

Right, the message.

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ Here, I’ve compiled for you the steps to attempt to get Nomin’s attention. Just to get it out of the way because it's obvious, you have to be up for a threesome. Even I couldn’t get one of them alone. Also, no idols. Upsetting one fandom is already horrifying, upsetting two is just reckless. Anyway, Tip One: - Don’t try so hard. If you look as good as they do, you get suitors constantly. And having to constantly deal with loud and unsubtle people is annoying. Besides, no one likes desperation. Tip Two: - If you’re going to change up your style and approach, don’t lay it on thick in either direction. Don’t become a BDSM dungeon master with your breasts practically falling out of your shirt. I bet you would look great, but you’d be ignoring tip one. But don’t put on that weird demure act either. If you’re covered head to toe and pretend to be sex averse, how are they supposed to know you want to fuck them? - (extra hint: dress casually, but give them something to… you know. A shirt just tight enough or a skirt just short enough they think their dirty thoughts were their own fault. Just off the top of my head, something like a graphic tee that’s slightly cropped with high waisted jeans that cover your midriff. Make sure the shirt hugs you just right 😉)

You laugh to yourself. Graphic tee she says. She could’ve just said t-shirt, but she’s making it very obvious. Perhaps on purpose. You pinch your jacket closed as if someone can see you right now. You’re wearing the same shirt you had on when you met her, now that you think about it. 

Tip Three: - A quick Do & Don’t for you: DON’T pretend to be their biggest fan. Name a single idol who has dated a fan. Exactly. DO become the best fan fiction character you can be. And I mean best. Don’t go to their concert and read a book, that’s ignoring tip one again. Don’t say you hate their music or hate boy groups. Subtler. Say you love boy groups. Hell, say you love SM groups… but you’re not very familiar with new ones. Throw an older group out there like I don’t know… SHINee. I think that’s why they reached out to me, being a 2PM fan and all. I wouldn’t have even looked their way on my own and I think that excited them.

That tip is the final straw for you. That one message was correct, this is strange. If she wanted to recommend you… have sex with those two, why wouldn’t she just message you? And are they even aware of all this? It all rubs you the wrong way and you start to text her exactly that. Lindsay beats you to it, though.

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ Have you read the group chat at all?

Yes, what the hell.

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ What did you think of the tips ;)

Lindsay. Don’t you think this is a little inappropriate?

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ Hey, I said they don’t like the innocent act.

I’m not participating in this! It feels icky. Am I crazy?

You exit out of her chat to message NingNing the same thing. You can’t be going crazy. This is weird. You fan yourself and exhale.

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ A little!! :D 

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ They’re already texting me that they’re going to be so lonely and horny when I leave… they may even have to play with each other to cope…

My GOD Lindsay.

You swipe the messenger away entirely, only noticing then how hard your heart is beating. You close your eyes and your mind immediately betrays you and paints the images you saw of Jeno and Jaemin together vividly. You ease onto the toilet, hands pressing against the stall on either side of you. The images refuse to cease and you let your thighs squeeze just a little. 

Your phone buzzes and you send a ball of saliva back to roll down your parched throat before opening the app again. 

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ Last time I checked on you, you told me you haven’t been getting any play recently. They’re going to be in the same boat soon.

Lindsay Liu꒰੭ Remember what I told you? Idols have to be picky about who they sleep with and how often they do it. I know you’re thinking about quitting because this job isn’t what you saw yourself doing, but you aren’t utilizing the perks, doll </3 !

The perks? Your perks are a discount at the SM cafe, 15 days of paid time off per year, a free bus pass, and making your passion your job. Getting closer to celebrities so you can fuck them sounds like something scumbag villains in Kdramas do.

No, this is wrong. There’s something about Lindsay that just feels off. You think back to that picture she sent you. You scroll through all her unanswered texts to you until you see it. She sent two pics, one of the five star card she pulled and the other of all ten cards. Why does NingNing feel she has no one to talk about Love and Deepspace with?

You reverse image search her pictures and it pulls up a reddit post. It’s the exact same freeze frame from the video that plays when you pull that card. And the ten pulls are identical.

NingNing Oh it’s absoLUTELY weird. But I wouldn’t put it past those two to be that freaked out.

NingNing Whatever you do, don’t tell 00-04z about this. It’ll be our little secret.

NingNing It’s going to be funny to see everyone try and fail to seduce them lol

Each of NingNing’s messages slide down at the top of your screen, replacing the previous. You completely forgot about that group chat. Jaemin…

Is she as cute as you’re making her seem, NingNing?

You hurry back to the recording room, apologizing and bowing 90 degrees to everyone in the room.

“Get over there already. How long are you going to make everyone wait?”

“I’m so sorry.” You say as you skitter over to the mixing desk. As soon as your thighs press against the seat and push against your vulva, you clench your thigh tighter, unable to stop yourself.

The minute you get home, you fumble with your keys trying to get in as fast as you can. You burst through the door and throw your purse off before practically ripping your clothes off. You don’t have to wait until you’re close to sleeping for that dream to appear behind your eyelids today. It’s all you could think about once you put a face to those words you’ve been replaying in your brain. You have another face now, too. You whimper as you stroke your aching clit. You replace Rafayel and Caleb with these new faces. It’s so wrong, but you can’t help yourself. It feels like the dream finally progressed. You have something to put in you other than fingers. Two things you want to shove anywhere they’ll fit.

You shove your face into the covers as a despaired moan is pulled from your body. Cum oozes over your fingers as you continue to hammer them into your throbbing hole. You cum five times until you have nothing else left and your poor nub starts to hurt. Only then does the guilt truly set in. Are these two meant to be the Caleb and Rafayel duo? They look nothing like them. And which is which? You laugh to yourself, mental and physical exhaustion dragging you to hysterics.

She got you.

🥀 𐮙 🐻ˋ°•*⁀➷

Every time NingNing tries to talk to you, you get distracted by the people with huge, hulking cameras following you.

“The guys are– ignore them. They follow me everywhere.” NingNing seems completely unbothered when she mentions that, but it sure bothers you. Even with her bodyguard following close behind. It takes her a few more tries to get your attention.

“Hey!! Everyone in the 00-04 group chat is confused. I invited someone and they don’t even speak in the group chat. You’re making both of us look weird!” She nudges you, her Americano jostling in her hand. You don’t know how to tell her that you’re terrified to open it after you came to the thought of Jaemin and Jeno on three separate occasions now. You don’t even know them from a can of paint but you’ve imagined them in every possible position. 

“I dunno, it feels awkward.” You speak low and lean a little closer, unnerved by the amount of people looking at the two of you. 

“They’ll love you! They’re already excited to meet you! Especially Jaemin, idiot won’t stop bringing you up.” She mutters the last part, clearly not the biggest fan. You hurriedly sip your latte to hide any suspicious facial expressions. 

“J-Jaemin?” You sputter after swallowing your drink haphazardly. Great going, genius.

“Yeah, ugh. Anyway, if you were in the group chat, you’d know we were planning to go to Switzerland in December. We have a huge chalet booked because we intended for twenty people to come, and we even got twenty multi-day passes for skiing. Long story short, too many people dropped out for comfort so we’re kinda scrambling. Are you interested?” NingNing looks over just in time to catch the twinkle in your eyes. She laughs mischievously as you try to fix your face. You’re not the biggest fan of going somewhere colder for vacation, but any vacation sounds good right now.

“How long are we gonna be there? Did you already buy plane tickets? What day in December should we–”

“My GOD girl! I’m guessing that’s a yes. Since we’re leaving the country we’re thinking two weeks. Is that good?”

You peer over at NingNing, a smile slowly fading in for both of you.

“Tell me more.”

🥀 𐮙 🐻ˋ°•*⁀➷

Michelle link

Michelle Happy to see you’re doing well. Would’ve loved to hear this directly from you but you barely speak to me anymore.

Of all the consequences of you going all in on work, losing your best friend was the hardest one. You didn’t realize you favored texting or calling NingNing about one of your many shared interests over reaching out to your friend until she sent you that. You cautiously click on the chat, knowing that your read receipts are on and you’ll have to answer as a consequence of wanting to know what that link is.

Underground Producer Juliette spotted with aespa’s NingNing Coming From a Coffee Shop. Fans Speculate Over a Possible Solo Project For The Idol

Will that always be your title? How long has it been since you left the underground?

Those were your initial thoughts until this article kept coming back to haunt you. It was shared in three out of four of the group chats you were in. You’re getting more DMs from artists than you ever have (long after you needed them). You, of course, were scolded at work. And you have your first direct message on SCR that isn’t from NingNing or Lindsay.

Na Jaemin Is that you with NingNing in that picture 👀

You immediately ignore the message. Your excitement is simply too great to handle right now. You can’t have him sensing your sins. 

Instead, you finally hazard a glance of the 00-04z group chat.

Zhou Xinyu⓪② Ooouuuu she’s cute :3

Jung Sungchan⓪① how do we even know that’s her

Jung Sungchan⓪① the article says juliette

Choi Beomgyu⓪① tha’ts her stge name dumbass

Huh Yunjin⓪① Learn how to spell b4 calling someone else a dumbass lmaooo

Bae Jinsol⓪④ idk if this is inappropriate to say, y’all will let me know anyway lol but her clothes fit her just right

Park Sohyun⓪② JUST right

Park Sunghoon⓪② oh here cum the lesbians

Park Sohyun⓪② Sunghoon’s just mad Xinyu rejected him for me lolololol

Yoon Sangah⓪② lolololol

Oh Haewon⓪③ lolololol

Shen Quanrui⓪④ lolololol

Kim Sunoo⓪③ lolololol

Park Sunghoon⓪② Sunoo whose side are you on??

Kim Sunoo⓪③ … the gays? tf

Jake Sim⓪② Just saw the pic y’all are talking about… that’s my type haha

Baek Jiheon⓪③ And what is that (,,◕.◕,,)

Jake Sim⓪② Not stick thin😏 I like some meat on the bone

Baek Jiheon⓪③ (ಠ⌣ಠ)

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ Now y’all are speaking my language lol who are we talking about

Zhong Chenle⓪① you never come in here and when you do you refuse to scroll up smh

Everyone reacts in shock to his message, including you. This is your first time seeing his name outside of a search bar. Every time you tell yourself to stop picturing these poor men in indecent situations you feel it more vividly. Jeno’s sweaty chest as he ruts into from behind and Jaemin’s sweaty shoulders under your palms while you take it. I mean… both of them seem somewhat interested… so you can't be that bad, right.

Kim Dayeon⓪③ talking about how you like girls with meat on their bones as if it’s OUR FAULT WE’RE SKINNY. JELLYFISH STRIPPED ME OF MY MEAT.

Jake Sim⓪② Calm down pls T__T I promise I wasn’t dissing skinny girls, I love all women. You’re all beautiful

Jay Park⓪② Damn straight

Kim Dayeon⓪③ Alright then >:(

Baek Jiheon⓪③ I forgive you (♡°▽°♡)

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ Wait, so who’s Juliette 

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ Is she here?

Lee Donghyuck⓪⓪ scroll up farther for god sake

He could scroll up… or you could just…

Hello. Um, you guys are right, my name isn’t Juliette.

… get things started. You properly introduce yourself for the first time in this group chat. Everyone properly introduces themselves, and you find Sohyun, Xinyu, Jinsol, and Jake in your DMs. It’s far too much attention to handle. You feel a little dizzy from all the emotions demanding your attention.

Na Jaemin⓪⓪ Look at my messages;3

“Oh right.” You panic and switch to his DMs, not expecting new messages. 

Na Jaemin So you are as cute

You chew on your lip, feeling as though releasing it would release a whine as well. The heat brewing in your core is intense. You can feel the base of your thighs dampening. It’s like he knows just what to say to drive you crazy.

Na Jaemin I wanna see you

Your breath catches, rereading the word as if it would help you decode it. He couldn’t be asking to meet up so he must mean– Oh…

He’s asking for it.

Na Jaemin Nonononoo lololol I’m sorry, I’m just used to being forward on this app. That was disrespectful. Idk why this app brings it out of me.

No, you’re okay. 

If I’m honest… It does that to me too.

Right about now you would be throwing your phone away, too scared to see his response, but you’re glued to the screen. The typing indicator appears before disappearing. It never comes back. You decide to check the group chat while you wait when you see it.

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ Ah…

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ I know that name. Are you friends with Lindsay?

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ Whatever weird shit she said to you, don't spread it here

Shit. Shit. You were right. God, you should have immediately warned them about the messages she sent to gossip girls. Instead you’re sitting here drooling and implicating yourself. The chat goes from fawning over you to wondering what you and Lindsay did to piss Jeno off. 

You knew it. You knew this was weird and you knew you shouldn’t have gone into that stupid group chat. You already took off those two weeks in December, and you were really looking forward to a getaway where you didn’t have to pay for plane tickets or a place to stay. Did you just blow it? 

Ning Yizhuo⓪② Noooo she’s not close to Lindsay, Lindsay just helped her get this job and helps her out from time to time.

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ Oh yeah, I forgot you were friends with Lindsay too. Keep your mouth shut, too.

Ning Yizhuo⓪② Why are you acting like you don’t know how Lindsay is? She’s eccentric and out of touch. What else do you expect from a billionaire’s daughter?

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ Can she be eccentric to herself?

Ning Yizhuo⓪② You KNOW she can’t do that.

Han Chowon⓪② This is the most I’ve ever seen Jeno active in this gc lol

You want to say something or apologize, but truthfully you don’t know what he’s actually referring to. What if you just implicate yourself further.

Zhou Xinyu⓪② Ugh fuck off Jeno you scared the new girl off

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ And Lindsay scares ME.

Ning Yizhuo⓪② Not enough to stay out of her pants lololol

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ Hey

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ How did you know that?

Nakamura Kazuha⓪③ Omg? So it’s true?

Kim Jiwon⓪④ Oh my god…

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ You see what I mean? Lindsay can’t keep her mouth shut, and neither can her little friends

Oh Haewon⓪③ can you chill tf out

Watanabe Haruto⓪④ …

Watanabe Haruto⓪④ so was she good

Yoon Sanha⓪⓪ I was wondering the same lolol she’s so hot

Na Jaemin⓪⓪ Tooootally dude

You think to yourself if the threesome stuff was actually real but you catch yourself and toss that idea. You think of a way to clear your name without hinting at anything more. 

She does say a lot of weird things but I usually tune her out lol

Or just tell her she’s being weird.

Ning Yizhuo⓪② Yeah Lindsay said something totally weird recently and she messaged me privately to see if I thought it was weird too lol

And we’re not really cool like that, promise

Zhou Xinyu⓪② Oh don’t worry about Jeno, he’s just being a diva

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ Am I though, because they both just said she says weird things too

Oh Haewon⓪③ SHE’S AN ECCENTRIC BILLLIONAIRE!!!

Zhou Xinyu⓪② Eccentric 👏🏻 Billionaire 👏🏻

Yeah, but still. She does give weird vibes, ngl.

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ And she’s a fucking pathological liar

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ Maybe I should start spilling secrets about her, see how she likes it

Huh Yunjin⓪① YES PLEASE GAWD SOME DRAMA

Yoon Keeho⓪① LMAOOOO

Ning Yizhuo⓪② jiFWLBFIEB

You thought maybe Lindsay was just a nuisance to him in a similar way she is to you. But this hints at something maybe a little deeper. 

Maybe for you as well.

The group chat goes dormant after realizing Jeno was bluffing. He tells everyone in the chat they have a gossip problem and disappears. You refresh the homepage mindlessly, frustration prodding at you. You switch over to your DMs. You notice Jaemin finally texted back. 

Na Jaemin Wait so you know Lindsay?

Na Jaemin Oh you guys aren’t close. Well let me know when she’s coming back if she told you. Or if she’s ever coming back. 

Na Jaemin Idk.

Nothing about his texts indicate that he harbors the same feelings for Lindsay. Maybe he and Jeno aren’t as much of a unit as Lindsay made you believe. You stay with these messages, rereading them and feeling a tinge of pity. 

Well, I definitely know she’s coming back because she has a mansion here.

Na Jaemin What?!

Na Jaemin Well I guess she is rich, but I didn’t know that.

Na Jaemin Are you sure you guys aren’t friends?

One thing you know for absolute certain in these trying times is that you don’t want to be confused to be on Lindsay’s side.

Absolutely not, I haven’t spoken to her in around two months or something lol.

Na Jaemin I seeeee

Na Jaemin Anyway, make sure to text me again sooner than that ;3

The only way you can quell the fluttering in your chest is through a girlish squeal paired with you kicking your feet. Should you be guilty about all this if they reached out to you first?

CHAPTER FOURˋ°•*⁀➷

You cross your foot in front of the other to see the outfit in a different pose. You are unfortunately not allowed to wear a costume to SM’s Halloween party, but you can come. And you can dress up a little bit. Not too flashy, they said. You opted for a blouse with a high neckline with short butterfly sleeves that just cut it off from being a tank top. You thought that was too much already, so you paired it with black slacks. A high bun with two pieces to frame your face shouldn’t be flashy.

Whatever, if you get scolded, you’ll drink. If you get scolded for getting drunk, hopefully they’ll fire you. You smooth your hands over the pants slowly, letting that thought simmer.

Yeah, you haven’t considered that. If they fire you, there won’t need to be a lawsuit. You definitely wouldn’t fight it. But is it too soon to go home? You think about your mother and how she’ll nag you. You think about how you have no friends at home anymore. How NingNing would miss you. 

Are you seriously considering this? You can’t. Not after they killed your passion.

No, you need to go forward with this plan. You made a new friend here, you can do it again back home. And your mom will be alright.

Your uber notifies you that it’s outside and you snatch your purse with renewed vigor. 

You’re going to get fired from SM Entertainment.

The dimly lit venue is enough to get you in the partying spirit. Luckily there are enough people here that you shouldn’t be scolded the entire night. You want to be seen on your worst behavior but you don’t want your buzz killed.

You find NingNing who is dressed as Jobu Tupaki. Specifically her goth outfit. You compliment her and give her a hug. You greet Winter who is dressed in Barbie’s cowgirl outfit, Giselle who is Lola Bunny from Space Jam, and lastly Karina who is Disgust.

“Did you guys do a movie theme?” You ask, a little sad looking at their costumes. The FOMO just set in.

“Nah, we’re just that in sync.” Giselle says with a smirk, wrapping her arms around Winter and Karina. Karina brushes her arms away.

“Yes. We did a movie theme.” Karina explains, shaking her head at Giselle and making an expression that fits her character.

There wasn’t much to do but walk around, talk, eat, and drink alcohol. You made sure to get your grief’s worth in alcohol. You drank for all your forgotten projects, for your crushed dreams, and as a fuck you to your manager who threatened to hit you. That memory had the jello shots flying. NingNing found it amusing but her members were a bit worried. Especially after NingNing starts joining “for the bit”.

‘Can you guys stop’ turns into ‘are you guys gonna stop’ before the other three decide to leave before it gets embarrassing. Thankfully you and NingNing were both giggly drunks so you mostly stood by the wall and laughed at everything and nothing. 

“Look. Omg, look, LOOK!” NingNing shouts as she points across the room very overtly. Thankfully who she’s pointing at doesn’t see her do it. There are two men in similar military-esque costumes. Who they’re specifically dressed as, you can’t tell from this distance, but there’s a girl with her back arched and her ass poked out speaking to them. You would say she looks hot but she’s in a slutty schoolgirl outfit. 

“That outfit?” You nudge NingNing before pointing at your mouth and pretending to gag.

“Yeah, and that violates rule number one AND two.”

In your defense, you were drunk, so your brain was a bit laggy. “Rules? Rules to what?” You slur out, slightly stumbling and bumping into her. 

“My bad. Tips, I mean tips. Tip number one and two. Don’t try too hard and don’t dress extra slutty to get their attention.”

Then it clicks. You didn’t even realize who the two men were. Jaemin takes off his sunglasses, revealing the annoyance in his eyes as he folds them into the collar of his jumpsuit. Jeno has his mask pushed up so his bangs are peeking out, looking everywhere but at the nuisance.

Whoever they're supposed to be, they look damn good. Jeno has a vest on and a black shirt rolled up to his elbows. You can see his forearms flex every time he clenches his fist. Jaemin has his jumpsuit rolled up, too. All you can think about is them putting you in a headlock. You roll your eyes back as you giggle blissfully to yourself. 

“Ooh? Was that reaction for them? Are you gonna throw your hat in the ring?” NingNing gets far too excited, leaning forward to get a better glimpse of your face. You push her back against the wall by her head, shaking yours.

“I’m not playing Lindsay’s little game.” The smile slowly fades from your lips, a bitter taste left in its wake. Suddenly, the girl in the schoolgirl costume is getting escorted out of the building. She doesn’t go out without a fight, shouting back at Jeno and Jaemin for ‘a little help’ just to add more embarrassment. 

Just as the situation escalates and she starts screaming like a banshee, something red obscures your vision. You try to maneuver around it but it keeps moving into your vision. You look up in annoyance to see Mr. Myeong. You feel the warmth drain from your body as your annoyance turns to fear. 

“Who said you can look in my eyes, hm?” He says and you immediately look downward. He cuts his eyes at NingNing and tells her to beat it. She does, but not before looking at you like a sad puppy. He starts to scold you about how much you’ve drank and how you’re two seconds from getting kicked out but you can’t focus on that. The rule was a lie, he’s a staff member and he’s wearing a costume. And not just any costume. In perfect comedic fashion, he’s wearing a devil costume.

Maybe it’s because you really wanted to wear a costume and now you’re re-pissed, but you laugh openly at the situation. You sold your soul to the devil, this evil manager is like the devil, and now he’s standing here scolding you in a devil costume. You laugh even harder. 

“Are you– Are you laughing? Have you lost your mind?” He snaps at you before prodding at your forehead with his finger. You immediately stop laughing. He does it a few more times, asking who you think you are and where you learned your manner from. He asks why Americans are so incompetent and why they even hire ‘the likes of you’. 

At that, you grab his finger before he could make a permanent mark on your forehead. 

“You crazy bitch! Let go of me.” He tries to rip it free but you tighten your grip. By now, a few people are watching. This is it. Your chance. You chuckle a little before leaning closer.

“Forgive me for laughing, it’s just…” You lean next to his ear, digging your fingernails into his finger. “How the fuck am I supposed to take you seriously with that ridiculous costume on?”

He finally breaks free, immediately cocking his hand back. That same hand. But this time you just smile and close your eyes. Everyone is looking now. You’ll be free after this. You take the moment to consider your next move. Maybe you’ll stay here and produce freelance. Whatever you do, you’ll surely be kicked out of SM because the minute he slaps you? He’s getting all the pent up frustration from these four months.

“Hey, hey!” You expected someone to notice, but this unfamiliar voice sounded light, conversational. Like he just found his buddy after looking for him at a party. You snap your eyes open after noticing you haven’t been hit.

Jeno is smiling at the manager, his wrist firmly in Jeno’s grip.

“Let me go– What is wrong with you?!”

“Oh my!” Jeno lets go of the man’s hand to cover his mouth and the manager loses his balance. He falls flat on his ass. “I saw the red and thought you were Xiaojun. I’m so sorry, sir!”

“I– You–! Help me up this instant!” His voice booms, but only you flinch. You look up at Jeno who is approaching you. Realize now that he’s Ghost from Call of Duty. And that this is your first time seeing him up close in real life. His friendly smile flickers away to reveal a grimace. For a second you think it’s aimed at you until he speaks. He leans in to speak next to your ear. 

“Are you okay, that asshole didn’t hit you, did he?” His breath hits your ear and gives you goosebumps. All you can do is shake your head. He doesn’t get to lean back before he’s ripped away from you. 

“Hey! You piece of shit! Mind your own business.” 

Jeno doesn’t hide his glare this time, and Jaemin steps in between. 

“I’ll apologize for him, sir.” Jaemin bows ninety degrees, apologizing heartily to the shorter male. As his torso lowers, you catch a glimpse of Jeno grasping his hand tightly. Mr. Myeong bristles at all three of you now. 

“You sons of bitches! I’ll ruin you all!” He turns to you, wagging his finger. The parts of his skin that aren’t covered by the splotchy red paint are rivaling makeup in color. “I’ll ruin you!”

His words curdle the minute they’re introduced to your system. Ruin? 

Will you have a choice in working in Korea?

“Mr. Myeong, that is unnecessary. I’m sure this is all a misunderstanding.” Jaemin outstretches his arms in an attempt to placate but it’s no use. Mr. Myeong just keeps feverishly pointing at you and screaming. 

“You don’t know what she said to me! You weren’t raised to value respect,” Mr. Myeong rolls up his sleeves and a few onlookers gasp, “but I’ll teach you.” He charges forward and swings his hand with more force than last time, closing his fists. You snarl, ready to end all of this. If getting punched by a middle aged man is what it takes to continue producing in Korea, it’s not worth it. You see red, readying your foot and eyeing his crotch.

Unfortunately for him, Jaemin is more focused on blocking the path toward you than stopping Jeno. Jeno presses his two hands to Mr. Myeong’s chest before using all the force his muscular frame can muster to shove the small man to the ground. His body bounces, head knocking against the floor as he slides back far. He's momentarily stunned. Only then does Jaemin switch to stopping Jeno before he pummels Mr. Myeong. His shaking fists are clenched tightly as he tries to shake Jaemin off of him. Jaemin keeps firm on his shoulders and tries to get Jeno to focus on him. It isn’t working.

“Are you going to keep doing this shit? Huh? How long are you gonna keep this shit up?!” Jeno lunges especially hard and nearly slips from Jaemin’s grasp. His words strike you, but you cut your introspection short. This is a mistake you’re only willing to let yourself make. Then suddenly you’re walking over to help Jaemin restrain him.

The security finally intervenes when Mr. Myeong tries to stand back up and stupidly confront Jeno once more. The two of you are having a hard time restraining him right now, if Mr. Myeong had run up? You probably would’ve relented just to get out of the way in time. 

Jeno finally calms as a roaring Mr. Myeong is escorted off the premises, and you finally breathe. You step back from the two men only to be ambushed by four women. 

NingNing stays flanked to your side as everyone recovers from the debacle. Her and her members continually ask if you’re okay, but all you can notice is everyone staring at you. You’re not certain, but you swear you overhear someone’s whisper.

“He said she said something to set him off. I wouldn’t put it past her. She keeps causing trouble.”

There’s a chance you misheard or mistranslated, but your mind already convinced you it made too much sense.

Soon NingNing and her members are carted off by their manager. You watch them make their way to the exit, NingNing saying something to Jeno and pointing at you before Karina urges her to hurry up. You haven’t moved from the wall. Your eyes sink to your legs, knowing whatever is paralyzing you is all in your head.

“Someone made a call or something because there are cameras everywhere out front.”

You hear a male voice closing in followed by another one. 

“That’s okay, we can go out through the back.”

“Do you really think they haven’t thought of that?”

“No one should be leaving through there, they cut it off as a security measure. They might be waiting there now but if we give it a little bit…”

The second voice trailing off made you realize how close they were. You look up to see Jaemin and Jeno for the first time since that mishap. This is when you finally recognize Jaemin’s costume. It’s some bootleg version of a Top Gun jumpsuit. However… you can’t stop yourself from thinking about how he resembles Caleb if you squint. Was this what Lindsey was seeing when decided on that ploy? Was he even meant to be Caleb? You breathe a quick laugh, unable to help yourself.

They’re giving each other a look before Jaemin peers over at you. He gives you a wolfish smile. 

“There’s the smile I remember from the photo.” Jaemin steps to the side, shifting his attention to you. “You had me worried.” He steps forward and leans in and for a second you expect him to ruffle your hair like they do in Love and Deepspace. Man, you’re drunk. You shrug, pursing your lips as you peek over at Jeno. His face is a little more somber, eyeing you intensely like he’s trying to read you. Your smile drops when you meet eyes. 

Lee Jeno⓪⓪ And she’s a fucking pathological liar

Just what else has Lindsay lied about?

“We’re going to head out in maybe,” Jaemin draws out the word as he checks his watch, “thirty minutes? You shouldn’t ride the bus while you’re drunk. We have room since we’re driving ourselves.” Jaemin tilts his head at you. 

“Call?” He asks.

You nod sheepishly, knowing this must have been what NingNing had requested before she left. Jaemin smiles before dropping his head and exhaling through his nose. As he picks his head up you hear him whisper something. 

“Cute.”

You take a quick breath, unable to stop your thighs from clenching together. You widen your eyes as you stiffen up, checking to see if he noticed. You peer over at Jeno as well, your face feeling like it was lit on fire when you catch him staring at your legs.

“I need water.” You say, maneuvering around Jaemin and rushing past Jeno. You walk around looking for something that will stop your head from spinning every time you make a turn. There are no water bottles at the refreshment table and no water fountains in sight. As you go to turn down a dark, empty hallway, something firm and cool taps your shoulder.

You turn to see Jeno holding out a water bottle to you. 

“Where are you going?” He asks you in that same annoyed tone idol managers do. You would get upset if your vision wasn't spinning at the moment. You miss the bottle the first time but manage to grab it the second. All of your brain power goes into getting as much water in your system as possible. The giggly drunkenness is gone. The alcohol is just amplifying what you drank to forget.

When you finish, Jeno reveals the second water bottle, asking wordlessly. You accept it.

🥀 𐮙 🐻ˋ°•*⁀➷

Your sobriety is creeping on too fast to justify the question plaguing your mind. Jeno is driving while Jaemin is in the passenger seat reading Jeno’s texts for him.

“It’s from Dugwan hyung. He wants to see you,” Jaemin looks over, fretful, “like, now.”

Jeno tightens his jaw. 

“‘m not goin’.”

Jaemin sighs. “If you aren’t going, I’m not either.”

Silence drapes uncomfortably over the car and Jaemin throws some music on. Unlike where you work, this venue is pretty far from your home. Thankfully, the car ride carefully takes the knotted thoughts in your head and unweaves them. You stare serenely out the window as soothing R&B plays through the speakers.

“Is this it?” Jeno’s voice jolts you from the edge of sleep. You hum before squinting at the building you’re parked outside of.

“Mm, yeah.” You say, unbuckling your seatbelt. You take a moment to rub your face before thanking the two of them. 

“I’ll walk you up.” Jaemin says, already halfway out the door when Jeno protests. “Stay here then!” Jaemin clicks his tongue before looking Jeno up and down with faux incredulity. He slams the door then, leaving Jeno to groan and glare at you through the rearview mirror. You slowly slip out of your seat, carefully eyeing the annoyed Jeno.

“Which floor?” Jaemin asks after you join him in your building’s elevator. You’re not sure which 'three' applies to this scenario so you guess. Judging by Jaemin’s snort as he presses the button, it was wrong. Today marks the first day anyone has outright laughed at your Korean. You scoff, trying sino this time. He nods approvingly, giving you a thumbs up.

Before the doors can close, a hand slams against one of them and they ease back open. Jeno’s heaving frame is slowly revealed.

He steps on, showing Jaemin his phone. They exchange panicked looks.

“We’re passed that. They told us in 2021–” Jaemin halts when Jeno flicks his hand against his chest and looks toward you. You panic and look away, realizing you’d been staring this whole time.

That suffocating silence is back as the elevator takes three centuries to get to floor three. The walk to your unit is when they can’t seem to hold it in anymore and start whispering to each other. They’re close enough behind that you happen to hear.

“Are they really bringing curfew back?” Jaemin asks.

“No, this is clearly a warning, not a reminder.” 

“And you’re still not going?”

Jeno doesn’t answer. The tone of the unanswered question takes the tension to new heights.

“Then where are we gonna go? Most hotels will either report us to SM or Dispatch.” Despite the frantic nature of Jaemin’s voice, Jeno doesn’t answer yet again. You get to your door and thank the both of them.

“I’ll text you later.” Jaemin tries to channel his wolfish smile again, but it’s strained. It sounds like they can’t even escape being scolded by their boss at their own home.

That’s no home.

“Wait.” The word feels like it’s pulled from you. This is a bad idea. When they turn around, you know it’s too late. At the cost of revealing you were eavesdropping, you give them the option.

“If you guys have nowhere to go, I have a futon. That is, if you guys are willing to squeeze together.”

Jaemin looks touched but ready to decline, while Jeno just outright says it.

“No thanks.” His verbiage is polite, but his tone is derisive. It sounds like they don’t have many options and it’s pretty late. You would kick yourself if you saw something in the tabloids tomorrow.

“If you’re worried I have ulterior motives, I do.” You breathe a sardonic laugh at your own expense. The state of your future at SM is shaky at the moment, so your chances of being uprooted yet again are large. Especially if Mr. Myeong has anything to do with it. You need so many things from so many people, but there’s only one thing you can get from these two.

“Let’s make an exchange. I give you a less stressful place to sleep… and you tell me what Lindsay wants from me.”

Their energies switch at that moment. Jeno’s face softens and though he looks at the floor to hide it, Jaemin’s hardens.

CHAPTER FIVEˋ°•*⁀➷

You sigh wistfully as you retrieve the last two butter waffles from the box. Opening your lunchbox to one of these is the only thing you look forward to at work, but you just had to ask if they wanted a snack.

You don’t invite NingNing to yours for a reason. Your studio is a feng shui nightmare. Now you have your first guests ever sleeping parallel to you because it’s the only way the futon would fit. You’re conflicted as you deliver the snacks, it seemed like a good idea when the futon was folded up. Seeing it now, you know not to ever call yourself an interior designer.

You squeeze between the futon and the wall to sit them on your Pororo side table you got on sale.

“It's not you.” Jeno says, sipping the water you also asked if they wanted. You initially think he’s telling you not to blame yourself. Jaemin pats the space next to him with a small smile. You sigh as you sit down, preemptively taking Jeno’s advice.

“It’s not any of us. I don’t think there’s a single person on the face of the planet Lindsay cares about other than herself.” He reaches over Jaemin and sets his glass on the table. “Every little thing she does serves a bigger goal that serves an ever bigger goal.”

“What the hell is it, then? What does me working with SM have to do with her goals?” You ask incredulously.

“The question you should be asking is why they were so adamant to hire you.”

Yeah, you know that. That’s one of the questions you want answered but know they can’t—

Or can they?

“They were adamant to hire me?”

“… I’m not sure why you’re asking me like you don’t know.” Jeno creates friction again when you're simply trying to get answers. Jaemin gently takes over.

“We all know, if that’s what you’re wondering. All the idols under SM, I mean.” Jaemin laughs after explaining this, but you know that it’s at this insane situation. “I don’t know when they made the decision, but I know Lindsay and her gambling had something to do with it. You guys are one of us now.”

Jeno chuts at the situation. “How is that slave contract treating you?”

“D-did Rouge… Was he the problem? Lindsay said he couldn’t get dearALICE a song that audiences liked.”

“DJ Rouge…?” Jeno asks in disbelief. “DJ Rouge is one of the best producers in the country.”

The corner of Jaemin’s mouth twitches, his look of concern growing stronger. 

“He composed and produced Juliette.” Jeno continues.

The silence overtaking the room strengthens the fuzziness in your brain. You jump to rationalize something, anything.

“Then why was he kicked off dearALICE’s mini album? They scrapped everything he worked on.”

“I don’t know anything about dearALICE, but SM would never kick Rouge out. Not in a million years.”

You grit your teeth, failing to find any other conclusions than the one so painfully obvious.

“He left on his own…” You whisper pitifully.

“I overheard that he wanted more money and demanded they respect his worth. SM denied and now we’re here.” Jeno explains.

“Okay, so I took his place? I don’t understand why they didn’t say that. Is it because they were embarrassed?”

“You have to understand. You didn’t replace Rouge because no one could replace Rouge. You guys have schedules and salaries and staff meetings. Rouge showed up when he wanted and got a percentage of the song’s royalties on top of the up front payment.” Jeno just keeps showering you in painful discoveries with little to no sugarcoating. Jaemin steps in again.

“Don't take this the wrong way but… I was honestly surprised you didn’t live in a dorm. Well, at least starting out like we did.”

You exhale deeply and place your face into your hands.

“I get paid pretty well. It’s not like I’m getting shafted. And yeah, I don’t live in a dorm. So, what? Why are we talking about this when I asked about Lindsay.”

The somber looks on their faces tell you you're about to get exactly what you're asking for.

“When we first met Lindsay, she was super curious about idol life. It wasn’t weird because everyone was. But then she started asking questions like if we were penalized less and had more freedom, would we work as hard. I was honest because I was still in denial. I said no.” Jeno adds, sounding careful for the first time that evening.

Your mouth moves as soon as the information shocks your system.

“Okay? So they lit a fire under our asses—”

“Lindsay doesn’t really see people as people.” Jeno explains slowly as his mouth contorts into a forced smile. “You’re either a tool or a plaything.”

🥀 𐮙 🐻ˋ°•*⁀➷

The glasses of water wobble dangerously as you and Jaemin jostle around on the bed. Your laughing crescendos until the sound runs out and you’re both curling over with your jaws dropped open. Jaemin’s laugh taps back in as he rockets backwards, his beer sloshing and spilling a little on Jeno. 

“Hey!” Jeno shouts, not as aggressively drunk, but turning pinkish on his cheeks and the tips of his ears anyway. Inebriation tugs at your eyelids as fatigue rolls through you. You whine in protest, but your blood alcohol content persists.

“How can she–” You curl your chin in as you hiccup before continuing. “She knew you guys since you were all teens and she still did that shit?” You present the beer to them in a vain quest to make sense of all this. 

“You weren’t listening.” The slurring of Jeno’s words is strengthening as he pushes against the bed to sit up straight. He just ends up curving back over, stretching his spine like his head is too heavy. The two men speak at the same time, probably expecting they were thinking the same thing. 

“She doesn’t view us as human.”

“She has a gambling addiction.”

They both look at each other in betrayal. Jaemin upset at Jeno’s perceived lack of context and Jeno at Jaemin’s leniency with Lindsay. Jeno musters up all the coherence he can to drive home this point. 

“Lindsay didn’t care about us long before the gambling.”

“Yeah, but before the gambling we had fun with each other.”

“She spread rumors about you before she even met you.”

“Yeah, exactly. She didn’t know me, so she had the wrong idea.”

“Did she have the wrong idea about Seulgi, too? The first person to introduce her to all the idols she used?”

Jaemin lets out a loud, fake laugh, avoiding Jeno’s questions. 

“O-or what about Victoria? Sejeong? And what’s your excuse for her posting–”

“Okay! I get it!” Jaemin’s voice booms louder than it seems he intended. He giggles to himself as you and Jeno both gawk at him, drunkenness outshined by confusion. Jaemin shakes his head before waving his free hand. 

“Put something on the TV.”

You scramble to do exactly that, eager to escape this tension. You throw on a random movie you had in your watch list. You turn off the light, full of remorse as you watch them strain their necks to the left to watch it. Jeno peers at you and you smile lazily. Your current state disables the humiliation that should come after Jeno’s confused look. 

“You forgot the subtitles.”

You gasp quietly, a drawn out ‘oh’ seeping from your lips as you hurriedly grab the remote and put on the Korean subtitles. Jaemin pats the bed again, but this time he’s patting the space that suddenly appeared between him and Jeno. That’s when you notice Jaemin is pressed firmly against the arm rest, distancing himself as much as he can.

You shake your head, ceasing the expecting looks from the both of them. Jaemin puts on exaggerated puppy eyes instead, poking out his lip as he pats the space.

“I don’t want to make you guys uncomfortable.” You peer at Jeno, the only one you actually presume will be uncomfortable. “We’re still strangers, after all.” You say as your eyes return to Jaemin. Under the minimal shifting light of the TV, Jaemin’s impish smile has a stronger effect. You hurry to your previous position, sitting at the edge of the bed closest to the wall. You make a mental note to somehow turn the futon toward the TV after they leave in the morning.

You feel someone on the bed shifting until Jaemin’s knees swing off the bed so he’s seated right next to you. You initially think this is his compromise until he hooks one arm under your knees and the other around your waist. You ground yourself, half expecting him to carry you bridal style. Instead, he pulls your legs up onto the bed. His hand sears against your leg just like in your dream. You look up at him, your drunken stupor convincing you that he can read your mind. He stares back intensely, making heat bubble behind your cheeks and in your crotch. Your eyes drop down to his costume, the collar dipping just low enough that it turns your mouth dry. His teeth nip at his bottom lip as he hoists you against the back of the futon. His eyes linger on you, expression solemn besides the intensity in his eyes. As he slips his hands from under and behind you, he takes his time, grazing your skin. His middle digit slips under your t-shirt, leaving a trail of heat in its wake.

Once he is fully retracted from you, his face softens, that recognizable smile warming his features. 

“See? Totally comfortable.” And just like that, Jaemin eases the (admittedly delicious) tension with random English. Your attempt to hide your laugh fails as it bursts through your tightly closed lips. Jaemin laughs as well, shoulder bumping against yours as you both keel over. You slip your legs under the blanket and that’s when reality hits you again. You’re unsure why you flinch, but in doing so, you brush against Jeno’s leg under the blanket. Your head whips to look at him, a little fear in your soul when you see he’s looking back. 

Your heart is distracting, thumping against your ribcage with reckless abandon. With sudden ruckus from the TV, you’re momentarily spared. Everything is still and quiet, Jeno and Jaemin stiff on either side of you. It would almost be peaceful if it weren’t for the loud moans and bed squeaking coming from the TV.

A few weeks ago with one hand in your pants, you looked up movies on Netflix with good sex scenes. You flooded your already bloated watch list with them and well? One of them was playing on your TV while you’re sandwiched in between two men. Two men who you habitually fantasize about. And that listicle was right. This is a damn good sex scene.

Your problem is still a problem. Nothing’s changed and you still haven’t been laid. You swallow the saliva building in your mouth as pleasure churns prominently in your abdomen. It churns and churns until it spills into your core. You bite your lip, trying to discreetly lessen the ache. As your thighs push together, you feel eyes burning into the back of your head. Your stomach drops. 

You slowly peek at Jeno who is looking straight at your crotch, just like earlier this evening. He looks at you through his lashes with something akin to disappointment in his eyes. You swear you see him slightly shake his head, but you chalk it up to the bad lighting. 

“Did you see that?” Jaemin’s hand landing on your thigh nearly sends you to the moon. He forces your eyes away from Jeno to stare at him like you were caught doing something you weren’t supposed to. But when you look at him, he’s watching the TV as he rewinds the movie, extending this torture. He presses play and keeps his hand pointed to it as he waits for the portion in question. You’re watching now as the actors simulate the increase in pace, the man gaining a steady rhythm. That’s when he reaches back, gliding his hand up her thigh to her knee before licking his tongue into her open mouth. You gasp in tandem with the actress, feeling like you can feel it all. You fist the blanket over your thighs.

“I saw an interview with the actress and she said that wasn’t what they practiced. Her reaction was authentic.” Jaemin sets the remote down on the table before looking at you. “They’re dating now.”

“No way.” You reply breathlessly. You were partially shocked by the information, but you’re still distracted by the seemingly never ending sex scene. “B-because of that? He just grabbed her leg.”

“You don’t think that could do it?”

“I mean, it worked for the scene, but that doesn’t automatically mean he’s good–”

Jaemin tosses the blanket aside to straddle you. You try to squeeze your legs together to keep them from touching his, but it’s an impossible task. You hear Jeno groan dramatically beside you. Jaemin leans forward and rests his hands on each side of your head. In doing so, a dog tag swings out from under his jumpsuit and sways over your face. Your eyes cross as they follow it like you’re about to get hypnotized.

“Wanna see?”

You uncross your eyes and look up at him, mouth hung open dumbly. Your hips answer for you, buck up against his. He hums approvingly before lifting one knee to nudge your leg over before doing the same on the other side. His hand is already as your hip, gripping roughly before moving it up your leg. His hand snags on your pajama shorts before they snap away and his hand burns into your skin. Your mouth parts open with a silent inhale and he takes the opportunity.

“He didn’t just grab her leg.” He whispers as he dips his head until your noses are touching. His hand completes its journey, cupping your knee.

“You’re such a fucking asshole.” Jeno grits to your right. You’re too entranced to react, but Jaemin peers over at him. He looks back at you before licking into your mouth. Your hips lurch forward as you taste him. Beer with a hint of mint. You want so desperately to get drunk off it. You shove forward, messily closing the distance to initiate what can barely be called a kiss. Your tongues wrestle and swirl around each other only to result in a lip-smacking smooch sometimes that makes you buck every time. He starts bucking back, too. His bulge becoming more prominent. He whimpers into your mouth, lips parting with only a thick string of saliva connecting you two. He hand moves back down to cup your ass before squeezing it like he never plans to let go. He peers over at Jeno whose jaw is clenched.

You moan pitifully, only barely getting your request in between sloppy kisses. 

“F-fuck me!” You beg emphatically, your body igniting at the possibility. He squeezes your ass again, pulling away to bite his lip and look down at you.

“Fuck yeah.” He grinds his hips down into you, his bulge pressing deliciously against your mound. Your loud moan is shameful but you are completely shameless. This is it. It’s finally happening, in the most dangerous way possible. Now this is a scandal that would turn the company upside down. It’s exciting.

“You two are fucking embarrassing.” Jeno grunts as pushes up and off the bed, climbing over the two of you to do it. He stomps into the bathroom before slamming the door. Jaemin’s attention is ripped from you as he stares toward the bathroom door. You bite his bottom lip, drawing it back in a vain attempt to get him to continue. The second you let go, he’s also pushing off the bed and going into the bathroom. 

There is muffled arguing behind the door, but all you can think about is the uncomfortable puddle in your underwear. You collapse back onto the bed, giving up on waiting for Jaemin to come back and continue. Lindsay lied about a lot, but you’re ashamed of the observation you’re making that proves her right. 

Jeno and Jaemin might just be a package deal.

LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED! `⎚⩊⎚´ -✧

◉ proofread cycle 1 ⃝ proofread cycle 2

taglist: @nanajaemsblog @taestrwbrry @oonyourmmark @jaehyunsmilitarywivesclub @neogotmysam @bluedbliss @cutiepatootiejungwon @emalvar1404 @fancypeacepersona

[robintheredhood]

I know this isn't a new thought at all, but how many people at CatCo do we think know Kara's secret? I'm not talking about the Nia/James/Cat/Winn people, but random others.

Does Ed the janitor sigh in frustration everytime he finds Kara's clothes ripped off in the middle of the hallway, only to fold them nicely and hide them behind the nearest plant? (Kara still hasn't quite caught on that they aren't landing there naturally when she throws them to the side)

Does Taylor in security casually loop footage and cut out the moments where Kara dramatically displays the House of El symbol?

Does Lindsay from accounting just so happen to sit across from a balcony Supergirl likes to use to fly in and out of, hidden enough that Kara doesnt think twice about what shes doing?

And Eric, from HR. He noticed that Kara's excessively late clock ins and very early clock outs lined up perfectly with Supergirl helping with massive fights and emergencies. He casually reroutes all the automated emails to Kara's bosses that should be reminding them to write her up.

Even bringing it outside of CatCo. Is there young a barista at Noonan's who always slips Kara an extra couple of sticky buns. Because she saw Kara become Supergirl in the alleyway behind the building one time, and Supergirl saved her sister during an alien attack. It's not much, but it's what a girl living off of tips can do, and saving the city must be hungry work.

The young couple living across the street from Kara's loft have seen her fly in the window carrying ridiculous amounts of takeout on so many late nights.

All these people, the normal citizens of National City. Connected by a secret they didn't mean to learn and would never tell, or even confront her about. They're all just content to keep the secret, and if Kara finds doughnuts on her desk after a particularly hard fight, or her favorite sweater that was discarded pre flight dry cleaned and delivered to her door? That'll just be their little way of saying thank you

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Margaret Lindsay (Frisco Kid, The House of the Seven Gables, Scarlet Street)—she was born in Dubuque, Iowa, then moved to England to make her stage debut. She framed herself as a British actress and moved back to America to try Hollywood, then starred with James Cagney in a bunch of movies. She was in the Ellery Queen movie series and The House of the Seven Gables. She never married (I suspect lesbian stuff) but lived with her sisters. She dated Cesar Romero and Liberace (I told you. Lesbian stuff.) Please include the pic of her in the tie [included above]

Mae West (She Done Him Wrong, I'm No Angel)—She is an absolute icon, the OG sex symbol. Every word from her mouth was an innuendo and she was proud of it. I guess one could say she slayed. She got Cary Grant his first acting role, as well. How could you NOT vote for someone who says such iconic stuff as "I do all my writing in bed; everybody knows I do my best work there" or "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." SHE COINED THE PHRASE "IS THAT A GUN IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?" I LOVE HER!!!

This is round 2 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Margaret Lindsay:

Mae West:

Her voice! Her body! She was thick as hell and SO confident.

Mae West is often called the queen of the sexual pun or innuendo, she was an early sex symbol and a comedy icon. She also has a quote saying "When I am good, I am very good. But when I am bad I am better!" which is possibly the peak of hot girl energy ever. (Including the clip here)

for an era that didn't have much wiggle room when it came to women that studios wanted in their films, it's refreshing that she was in her late 30s when she skyrocketed to movie fame. she was also curvy and witty and raunchy, an absolute icon!

Legendary sex symbol. Like 500 vintage iconic quotes and double entendres. "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? " "When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad, I'm better" / "It's not the men in your life that count, it's the life in your men" / "I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time." , "Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. " / " How tall are you without your horse? Six foot, seven inches. Never mind the six feet. Let's talk about the seven inches! " Look the pictures don't do her justice just watch a compilation and tell me that voice doesn't do it for you

She was a SEX GODDESS at a time when that was an extremely scandalous thing to be, and she worked it! She was sardonic, sarcastic, funny...and stacked! Favorite quote (from Night After Night, 1933): Random woman: Goodness! What beautiful diamonds! Mae West: Goodness had nothin' to do with it, dearie.

i personally love this silly production number from one of her lesser known movies

She was arrested for indecency and chose to serve 10 days in prison instead of paying the fine for the publicity, and she claimed that she refused to wear the ugly prison outfits so she wore her silk lingerie the entire time. Also one of the first historybound vintage fashion icons (although vintage for her was the Victorian era)

[nocofamilyau]

Did Cody ever achieve his goal of being a billiards champion as mentioned in Before We Die? Actually, since I asked, did the other gen 1 contestants achieve their goals from the song (excluding DJ and Bridgette whose goals were the most achievable)?

I hc that Dave also likes cue sports and Cody is secretly thrilled over this cuz it means father and son bonding.

While nothing too huge, Cody did get that billiards champion title in college, mainly just from clearing everyone out at the campus bar. As for the others, I'll just go in order the song went in (minus DJ and Bridgette like you said):

Leshawna, while not a billionairess per se, is pretty well-off working as a counsellor and running her own teen help centre in the heart of the city where she lives nearby

Sierra's life goal definitely did not happen officially (sucks to be her)

Lindsay made a guest appearance as a one-off character on a once-popular soap opera in her early 20's

Courtney would have definitely achieved her dream of being a lawyer

After the whole boyfriend-kissing love triangle fiasco of World Tour, Gwen probably didn't have the best time during the final stretch of high school so she skipped prom entirely (she believed it was worth it in the end)

Harold has a sick ninja star and katana collection at home and occasionally works summers as a head counsellor at Sensei Steve's Ninja Camp

Well, while nobody took any notice, Alejandro was able to keep a job taming lions for a while under a different name

Owen's actually quite well known across the country for his 'Oh-Nuts', a nut butter-filled pastry that's basically a fusion between a cream donut and baklava. He invented it while messing around in the kitchen with the munchies one night, but didn't reach true popularity until he tried making them on one of those Masterchef-like shows he participated on (it's one of the few reality competition shows he won AND managed to get something out of)

I have no idea how much of a bucket list item fixing up parallel bars can be, but I'm guessing Tyler must have achieved it at some point to... questionable results

As for that headcannon about Dave,, I will gladly take it and make it real

[sergeantbarnessdoll]

hi, i was wondering if i could request a ransom x reader in which the reader is female and works at book-store, and ransom has published his own book, and he keeps going to her book-store to check the sales (and his book is doing super good), and he wrote it with a pen name. and slowly the reader grows fond of him, and he grows fond of her. And when they get more serious she meets his family and they demean her book-store job, how-ever ever the writer respects her job. i'm sorry if this is confusing it's 5am-ish when i'm sending this. :) - lindsay -

Perfect Girl For Me » Ransom Drysdale

Pairings: Ransom Drysdale x Female Reader

Summary: Even though you work at a bookstore, you’re the perfect girl for Ransom.

Warnings: Fluff, Angst (not Ransom), language, crying, kissing, pet names

A/N: Thank you for the request @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers 🩵

Written on my phone. My apologies for any mistakes.

Header made by @buck-star

GIF IS NOT MINE! Gif credit goes to the creator.

Ransom walked in the bookstore you work at. He looked around for a moment before you caught his eye. You were standing behind the counter and reading a book. His book. He smiles to himself and walks over to you.

“Is it a good book?” Ransom asks, leaning against the counter.

“Yes.” You answered, bookmarking the page you left off on. “Is there a book I can help you find?” You asked politely.

“No. I just wanted to see how my book is selling.” He says.

“Oh. Which book is yours?” You asked curiously.

“This one.” He tapped his finger against the front cover of the book you were just reading. “Ransom Drysdale.” He introduces himself, holding out his hand.

“I’m Y/N.” You smiled, shaking his hand.

That was a few weeks ago. Ever since that day, you and Ransom have been going on dates and getting to know each other. He even goes to the bookstore just to hangout while you’re working.

“Ransom.” You giggled when he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind. “I’m working.” You say.

“I don’t see you stopping me.” Ransom murmurs, kissing your cheek.

You turned your head so you could kiss his lips.

“I told my family about you.” He says.

“You did?” You asked.

“Yes and they want to meet you.” He tells you. “Dinner tonight at my family’s house.” He says.

“I’ll be there.” You smiled.

“Great! I’ll pick you up at 7pm.” He pecks your lips. “Wear something cute!” He says before leaving the bookstore.

You couldn’t help but blush.

You will admit that you’re nervous to meet Ransom’s family. What will they think of you?

“Something on your mind, beautiful?” Ransom asks, taking a quick glance at you.

“I’m nervous.” You say, fiddling with your fingers.

Ransom gently pulls your hands apart, bringing one of them up to his lips and kisses the back of it.

“You have nothing to be nervous about, baby. I’ll be there with you the whole time.” He assures you.

You smiled. All of your nerves about meeting Ransom’s family faded away for the rest of the drive to his family’s house. That was until you two pulled into the driveway of his family’s house.

“Remember, I’ll be with you the whole time.” Ransom murmurs softly and kisses your cheek.

You gave him a smile. Ransom got out of the car and rounded it to the passengers side. Ransom, being the gentleman he is, opened the car door for you.

“Such a gentleman.” You smiled, getting out of the car.

“For you, sweetheart, I am.” He smiles.

You and Ransom hand in hand walked up to the house and inside. Ransom led you to the living room where his family is.

“Ransom!” A woman who looks to be his mom greets him.

“Mom, this is Y/N. The girl I told you guys about.” Ransom says.

“It’s nice to meet you!” You smiled, holding your hand out for her to shake.

His mom looked you up and down.

“Likewise.” She says before walking away.

You dropped your hand to your side and looked down. Ransom wrapped an arm around you. You and Ransom sat down on the couch, patiently waiting for dinner to be ready. You heard his family whispering and pointing at you like they were teenagers gossiping in the hallways at school.

When dinner was served, everyone went to the dining and started eating. You avoided eye contact with his family. Ransom put a comforting hand on your arm.

“So Y/N…” His mom spoke up. “Ransom told us you work at a bookstore.” She says.

“Yes, that’s right.” You answered.

“Why would you work at a bookstore?” Meg asks.

“Cause I like it.” You tell her.

“I’m sure you don’t make enough money to pay your bills.” Joni says.

“Excuse me?” You asked.

“You heard me.” She says.

You couldn’t help but let your emotions get the best of you.

“Excuse me.” You say, your voice cracking.

You stood up and walked away, going to the bathroom and breaking down in tears. Ransom sighs and stood up.

“What the actual hell is wrong with you guys?” Ransom scoffs. “She was already nervous enough about meeting you guys, but you guys had to make it harder by demeaning her.” He says.

“Ransom, she’s not the girl for you. She works at a bookstore. How do you know she’s not after your money?” Joni says.

“How would you know that? You know nothing about my love life. So what if she works at a bookstore? I like her for who she is. She’s the perfect girl for me.” He says.

“She’s not even that pretty either.” Meg adds.

“You know what, fuck you guys!” He says before walking out of the dining room.

Everyone gasped when Ransom said that. Ransom went to the bathroom you were crying in. He heard your cries from outside of the door.

“Sweetheart?” Ransom went to open the bathroom door, only to find out that it’s locked. “Sweetheart, unlock the door please.” He pleads softly.

You walked over to the door and unlocked it. Ransom opened it, his heart breaking when he seen tears on your face. He immediately wrapped his arms around you, his hand rubbing your back to comfort you. Your tears got on his sweater, but Ransom didn’t mind it.

“I’m sorry they said those things to you.” Ransom murmurs.

“Did I do something wrong?” You asked, looking up at him with teary eyes.

“Absolutely not.” He wiped your tears away. “They’re just assholes. I love you for who you are. I think you’re beautiful and I don’t mind you working at a bookstore.” He says.

You looked up at Ransom.

“You- You love me and think I’m beautiful?” You asked, making sure you heard him right.

“Of course I do.” He whispers.

Ransom cups your cheeks and kissed you passionately. Your hands grasped onto his sweater, melting into his touch. You were breathless when he pulled away from your lips, looking deep in your eyes.

“I love you too, Ransom.” You whispered.

“Do you want to be mine?” He asks.

“Yes I do!” You smiled.

Ransom smiles and pecks your lips a few times.

“How about we get out of here and get pizza or something?” He suggests, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs.

“I like the sound of that.” You murmured softly, kissing his lips sweetly and softly.

💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸

-Bucky’s Doll

[biitchcakes]

1 YARBRO COURT — her HAUNTED apartment .

Spider-Woman 1978 #37

Spider-Woman 1978 #38

Spider-Woman 1978 #42

Spider-Woman 1978 #43

Uncanny X-Men 1963 #206

[professorspork]

Not sure if you've already done this but could you either rank or tier list the Glindas and Elphabas you've seen?

lmao you know, very true to form for me how even with 59 different boots and 6 live performances under my belt i'm still like "NO I CAN'T POSSIBLY CHOOSE, I NEED MORE DATA"

like. girl. you know your own taste, be real, how much more do you really need???

but constitutionally something about me still resists lists and tiers, so instead i'm gonna do CATEGORIES.

so welcome to:

THE OZCARS

every category will have explanations, five nominees, and one winner. nominees will be listed in chronological watch order, and specific boot dates will be noted when appropriate. fair? FAIR, I THINK.

also lmao there's no way i have the self-control to limit myself to just gelphie, and please note the obvious caveat that this is a time capsule of opinions that are as ever subject to change, and this may be revisited after more things are seen

i have no idea how long this is gonna get, so maybe let's put this under a cut, huh.

BEST FIRST IMPRESSION (Elphie Edition)

(i.e.: the actresses who really impressed and made a mark on me right from the jump)

NOMINEES:

Shoshana Bean [Bway 1/9/05]: Smol Bean Too Good For This World, Too Pure

Nicole Parker [Bway 3/8/09]: Oh That's Why They Say Comedians Make The Best Dramatic Actors

Mamie Parris [1NT 11/30/11]: Green Bean Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day

Emmy Raver-Lampman [1NT 5/31/14]: Shockingly Steady Standby Holds Night Of Pure Chaos At Bay Like It's Easy

Mary Kate Morrissey [2NT 8/4/18]: Wow People Weren't Fuckin Kidding About Double Name Witches Being Gay On Purpose Holy Shit

WINNER: MAMIE PARRIS

I'm still two installments away from talking about this particular bootleg in the Punctum Project, but my WORD what a tour de force Mamie is. she stalks onto stage in act 1 frothing at the mouth and full of charisma and bile, and you just can't take your eyes off her. fucking amazing stuff.

BEST LAST(ING) IMPRESSION (Elphie Edition)

(i.e. the actresses whose performances have really clung to my bones and have longevity and mental staying power)

Shoshana Bean, giving YOU THINK YOU DON'T LIKE NICE ELPHIE? TOO BAD MINE WILL HAUNT YOU

Eden Espinosa, giving YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST

Carmen Cusack, giving WHY THE FUCK DID THEY NEVER LET YOU DO BROADWAY WHEN YOU'RE THE BEST AT THIS

Mamie Parris, giving NO SERIOUSLY DID I MENTION THE RAGE

Laurel Harris, giving WATCH ME GROW WATCH ME CHANGE WATCH ME MATURE WATCH ME BE SO BISEXUAL

WINNER: EDEN ESPINOSA

Reader you have no idea how hard this was for me to pick, because I do think this comes closest to "favorite" or "best" and i ALWAYS WANT TO GIVE CAVEATS. like especially I need to shout out Sho for making both lists and just like... doing the impossible work of opening the door to a post-Idina Elphaba and what that might mean and doing it with such fearless brightness. and also shout out to Carmen who I do think is maybe the most "complete" Elphaba for me, who comes closest to like, the version of Elphaba who lives in my head and whose voice I would use as my litmus test when writing fanfiction

but Eden was my first Elphie when I was a girl of but 14, and there's no getting around the fact that so many things I love in other Elphabas are, fundamentally, Little Eden Things. the combo of humor and pathos and riffs is just. in my DNA.

BEST FIRST IMPRESSION (Glinda Edition)

(These ones ARE in watch order despite not seeming like it you'll just have to believe me)

Kara Lindsay [LIVE on Bway 10/24/15, no boot exists to my eternal sadness]: My Glinda Girlie Awakening

Katie Rose Clarke [Bway 5/12/2013]: Reactivated Me Like A Sleeper Agent

Kendra Kassebaum [1NT 3/14/06]: Listen to the Sound... of Violence

Brittney Johnson [Bway 9/XX/19]: I'll Never Do It As Gay Again But My God Was This So Gay

McKenzie Kurtz [Bway 5/30/23]: Playing The Classics And Don't They Sound Great

WINNER: KARA LINDSAY

much like with Eden above this isn't really one I can like, make an argument against with any real strength or integrity. falling for Kara's glinda got me hooked on wicked for YEARS last time, and getting to her era of boots was a big motivator for how i approached the great rewatch. ultimately i fear they may not translate to those who never saw her live and can only go by recordings-- her early boots are marred by matt shingledecker giving her NOTHING and in her later boots she was lowkey carrying jenny dinoia, so you kind of have to squint i think to See It the way i know it in my bones, but. when she was good she was perfect. and so much of what i love about McKenzie was that she was Giving Kara.

BEST LAST(ING) IMPRESSION (Glinda Edition)

Megan Hilty, giving I MADE GLINDA SWEET THAT WAS ME I DID THAT

Kendra Kassebaum, giving I MADE GLINDA WEIRD THAT WAS ME I DID THAT

Annaleigh Ashford, giving I MADE GLINDA GAY THAT WAS ME I DID THAT

Katie Rose Clarke, giving I MADE GLINDA AUTISTIC THAT WAS ME I DID THAT

Kara Lindsay, giving I MADE YOU OBSESSED WITH GLINDA THAT WAS ME I DID THAT

WINNER: KATIE ROSE CLARKE

I mean. a) she's the longest Glinda so she kind of had a leg up here but b) lbr she was the longest Glinda for a goddamn reason. SO MUCH of what is now codified by fiat as things glinda Must Do are things krc just like. made up on tour and lbr got in trouble for at the time! her impact isn't just on how i understand Glinda but how EVERYONE understands glinda and like, i don't think anyone else really has a shot at that crown here other than maybe Cheno herself (who, yes, wasn't nominated and I realize that but having the staying power of being on the cast album is a whole other thing)

BEST AT GIVING GELPHIE

(Self-explanatory, but PAIRS ONLY everyone's gotta pull their weight or there would be too many caveats, even though LMAO that does skew this somewhat)

Stephanie J Block & Annaleigh Ashford: We Are The Gay Agenda and The Gay Agenda Is Hands

Carmen Cusack & Katie Rose Clarke: This Bitch Is Everything To Me (Even When She Drives Me Nuts)

Donna Vivino & Katie Rose Clarke: This Bitch Is Everything To Me (And We Have To Cry About It)

Mary Kate Morrissey & Ginna Claire Mason: Gay Agenda II Electric Boogaloo, We Have Clearly Spent Hours In Our Shared AirBNB Optimizing Every Moment Of This Show

Laurel Harris & Katie Rose Clarke: This Bitch Is Everything To Me (And For A Moment You Can Dream We Might Make It Work)

Honorable Mention: YES I KNOW I'M CHEATING but if I'd seen more boots of Alyssa Fox and McKenzie Kurtz they had a chance of knocking out one of the Katies I think and it's worth saying so

that said

WINNER: Mary Kate Morrissey & Ginna Claire Mason

This one was AGONIZING to narrow down and yes pitting Katie against herself three times does skew the results somewhat. but like. i think that if I met someone who was like "I've never seen Wicked but people tell me it's gay, what's the gayest version?" my instinct would be to point them at Double Name Witches before anyone else. I do love that (with the slight aberration of Laurel coming AFTER double name witches) this is two bookends of actresses very clearly going in with a game plan and executing, and then the insides of the sandwich is krc just like going into a dykadelic fugue state for several hours for years at a time and occasionally lucking into people who could keep up with her

BEST AT GIVING THROPPLE

(Yes this is a whole other thing than Gelphie, NO THE VENN DIAGRAMS ARE NOT IDENTICAL YES THERE IS CONSIDERABLE OVERLAP)

Carmen Cusack & Katie Rose Clarke & Cliffton Hall: True Love In Three Directions Has No Chance Of Running Smooth

Donna Vivino & Katie Rose Clarke & Richard H Blake: Crying Breakfast Friends Wish To Be Gentle And Fail

Mamie Parris & Katie Rose Clarke & Kyle Dean Massey: Young And Dumb and Full of Cum

Rachel Tucker & Carrie St Louis & Jonah Platt: Two Stressed Cheetahs And Their Zoo-Assigned Therapy Golden Retriever

Laurel Harris & Katie Rose Clarke & Ryan McCartan: Teenage Dirtbags Can't Do Feelings But Can't Stop Having Them

WINNER: LAUREL & KRC & RYAN

Blame my wife for this one y'all she converted me; the more I think about this trio the more I feel like they really do just have a balance to them that's very appealing -- getting both the sharp corners and the soft underbellies

FIYERO MOST WORTHY OF HAVING A CATFIGHT OVER

David Burnham, giving ACTUAL POPULAR GUY CHARISMA

Kyle Dean Massey, giving MOVE THEM HIPS

Michael Campayno, giving GENTLEST BOY

Ryan McCarten, giving DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME MEOW MEOW

Xavier McKinnon, giving IT WILL NEVER OCCUR TO YOU TO CALL ME MEOW MEOW *slutty wink*

WINNER: XAVIER MCKINNON

It took 20 years to find the man who was MADE IN A LAB TO BE THE PERFECT FIYERO but we did it boys, we found him. do you have any idea how hard it is to make his goofy-ass lines actually sound suave and THIS BOY MAKES IT LOOK EASY. he PULLS OFF THE GAZELLE LEAP. WHAT CAN'T HE DO. (well the answer is give thropple he's a fiyeraba truther but he's only been on tour less than a year give him time)

MORRIBLE BEST AT BOTH THE ACTING PART AND THE SINGING PART WITHOUT MAKING YOU CHOOSE

Carole Shelley: the OG

Alma Cuervo: Always Serving (all entendres intended)

Myra Lucretia Taylor: That's My Mom

Sheryl Lee Ralph: That's My Queen

Aymee Garcia: Those PIPES

WINNER: SHERYL LEE RALPH

Sheryl should have gotten a goddamn Tony for her turn as Morrible, she stole the fucking show, she was perfect in every possible way, the MENACE the HUMOR the VOICE my god.

WIZARD WHO MOST MAKES YOU GET WHY HE'S THE WIZARD:

Sean McCourt: I'm An Understudy Making A Meal of It (Pt I)

Lenny Wolpe: That's My Dad

Gene Weygandt: Peak Used Car Salesman Energy

Wayne Schroder: I'm An Understudy Making A Meal of It (Pt 2)

Michael McCormick: He Just Loves Drama

WINNER: LENNY WOLPE

Michael gives Lenny a real run for his money, but I have to go with my heart. Lenny talks like the penguin in Toy Story with the broken squeaker and 97% of the time he's the most nonthreatening sweetiepie ever and then he'll suddenly Get Serious and it's like OH DAMN OK.

BOQ BEST AT BEING NOT JUST TOLERABLE BUT TRULY LOVABLE

Telly Leung: bright spot in dark times

Alex Brightman: SO BABY

F. Michael Haynie: flustered and sweet

Jesse JP Johnson: didn't mean any harm

Michael Wartella: genuinely kind

WINNER: MICHAEL WARTELLA

I PROMISE THIS ISN'T JUST RECENCY BIAS Michael I think truly is best at navigating the swings Boq has to take without ever coming off as creepy or over-the-top. He's so GENTLE, even with Nessa, even at the end, and I'm very pumped to see more of his early work in my second go-around of boots

NESSA MOST EQUALLY GOOD AT BOTH ACTS OF THE SHOW

Deedee Magno Hall: unafraid of conflict in act 1 without being cunty about it

Stefanie Brown: makes the high highs and low lows tonally of a piece

Catherine Charlebois: years of excellence

Gizel Jimenez: Care Bear Stare

Kimber Elayne Sprawl: hell yeah i'll growl

WINNER: DEEDEE MAGNO HALL

And no, she's not winning just because my wife and I can't stop giggling any time she says any line and we mentally fill in it starting or ending with "sTEVEN--"

Deedee just has such a memorable presence, and never phoned in a single second; the line deliveries in act 1 for nessa can be so rote or surfacy and NOT FOR THIS LADY NOPE.

MOST PAINFUL FLUB

Bway 1/9/05: Joey McIntyre cannot find his note for like a full verse and a half of ALAYM and there's nothing Sho Bean can do to help him

1NT 2/26/09: Paul Slade Smith as Dillamond tells Elphaba to "go enjoy your students," leaving poor standby Merideth Kaye Clark (WHO HAS THE FIRE ALARM GO OFF ON HER LATER DURING NGD) to have to quickly improvise "That's okay, the other students aren't my friends."

Bway 6/30/2017: Kara Lindsay gets so lost in Jenny DiNoia's eyes that she ALSO sings "two good good friends" at the end of One Short Day

Bway 3/XX/20: Lindsay Heather Pierce flubs Elphie's entrance by saying "No I'm not green, yes I've always been green" instead of "seasick."

Bway 3/XX/24: Donna McKechnie says "Miss Elphaba!" instead of "Miss Upland!" as she enters the Ozdust Ballroom

WINNER(?): JOEY MCINTYRE

I'm so sorry Joey but this was your personal last show and it will live in infamy and there's nothing anyone can do about it

KOOKIEST GLINDA

(i.e. who is most in danger of being accused of having "a lot of personality")

Kendra Kassebaum, giving FISTICUFF REALNESS

Katie Rose Clarke, giving I AM AN AUTISTIC BABY DEER FROM OUTER SPACE

Alli Mauzey, giving THE ONLY THING I LOVE MORE THAN ME IS ATTENTION

Amanda Jane Cooper, giving MY FAVORITE GLINDA IS KATIE ROSE CLARKE LET'S TURN IT UP TO 11

Jennafer Newberry, giving I HAVEN'T FOUND MY GLINDA THESIS STATEMENT YET SO I'M GONNA DO THIS UNTIL I DO

WINNER: AMANDA JANE COOPER

Believe me, I am more shocked than anyone that someone was able to out-Katie Katie on this, but like. My word. Amanda Jane Cooper is A Lot, bless her, and VERY inventive. I stand by my decision to not include Annaleigh Ashford as a nominee; considering how Annaleigh plays every other role I've ever seen her in her Glinda is shockingly normal.

MOST BULLYABLE ELPHIE

(i.e. whose "The Wizard and I" and classroom scenes most have me going "oh honey good luck with all that, no wonder people keep putting Kick Me signs on your back.")

Teal Wicks, giving THEATER KID TRIES AND FAILS TO ROUGHLY APPROXIMATE DARIA

Dee Roscioli, giving MY POSTURE IS AS BAD AS MY SELF-ESTEEM

Jackie Burns, giving RACHEL BERRY OVERACHIEVER

Jessica Vosk, giving IT'S NOT MY FAULT NONE OF YOU LOSERS CAN SEE MY VISION

Natalia Vivino, giving INSUFFERABLE KNOW-IT-ALL

WINNER: DEE ROSCIOLI

Dee I think visibly has Glinda most stressed out and helpless during Popular because she cannot do it which takes the cake here

GLINDA I FIND IT EASIEST TO BELIEVE IS POPULAR WITHOUT THE SCRIPT TELLING ME SO

Kristen Chenoweth: Literally I Invented This Why Do My Predecessors Struggle When I Laid It Out

Annaleigh Ashford: Who Wouldn't Be Obsessed With Me?

Meggie Cansler: JAP Regina George And Making It Work

Gina Beck: The Fact That I Cannot Mask My Accent Is An Asset Actually Because I'm A Fascinating And Mysterious Exchange Student, Go With It

Brittney Johnson: Best Hang At Girl's Night/Throws Awesome Bachelorette Parties

WINNER: GINA BECK

I've only seen Gina once but I was fascinated by her Glinda, and how she commanded every room she was in with such ease. She's just someone you Pay Attention To, she's got this effortless magnetism that shows-doesn't-tell why it's not about aptitude it's the way you're viewed.

BEST POPULAR OOPSIE

(i.e. the improvs that weren't planned)

Bway 1/9/05: After like a FULL MINUTE of trying to get the flower to stick behind Sho's ear, Jennifer Laura Thompson gives up and puts it between Sho's tits instead

Bway 3/13/08: Annaleigh takes the flower off in the scene transition because it was falling out and stashes it in the shoe closet, then forgets which pair she hid it in when it's time for the finishing touch, has to dig through every single one, and chirps "I keep things in my shoes!" when SJB asks what she's doing

1NT 11/1/08: Katie Rose Clarke, still holding the lipstick she almost dropped as she grabs the mirror to set it on the bed, blurts out "I got so much stuff in my hands"

1NT 11/2/08 (yes literally the very next night): Katie Rose Clarke bodyslams herself so hard into her bed at "Fiyero and I are going to be married" she not only breaks a shoe and has to do the rest of Popular barefoot, but the impact sends the preset lipstick tube flying so that she has to spend the entirety of "when I see depressing creatures..." scrambling to find it in the pillows only to realize it's not there and then do a casj lean against the headboard and give Carmen a nod like she meant to do that

Bway 09/XX/19: Brittney can't get the flower to detach from her wig and finally has to let Hannah do it for her with a sad little "help!"

WINNER: 11/2/08 KRC

This one takes the cake because it's a two-parter, and because there are also like 18 different bonkers things that happen in that Popular that we do not have time to get into

IF THERE ARE OTHER CATEGORIES YOU WISH FOR MY OPINION ON, KINDLY LET ME KNOW. but this is getting quite long so I'm gonna stop it there for now

however, some people are so far and above in their respective categories, it was not worth naming four other nominees. so!

Various Senior Superlatives:

Elphie whose lack of a full video boot most kills my soul: Lindsay Mendez

Glinda whose lack of a full video boot most kills my soul: Patti Murin

Most Equal-Opportunity Bisexual Elphaba: Alyssa Fox

Most Affecting 'The Wizard and I:' Saycon Sengbloh 3/29/06

Fiyero Happiest Just To Be Invited (bc he ships Gelphie): Jon Robert Hall

Most Sizzling Sexual Chemistry Between A Wizard and Morrible: Michael McCormick and Alexandra Billings

Most Original Take on Morrible: JoAnne Worley and her ten packs a day American working-class accent

Most Frustrating Missed Opportunity for Comedy: Kyle Brown taking over for Timothy A Fitzgerald as Fiyero mid-show on 5/31/14 and NOT going for a laugh on "Fiyero, you frightened me. I thought you might have changed"/"I have changed!" LIKE COME ON MAN YOU LITERALLY HAVE CHANGED, LET IT BREATHE AND GIVE THE AUDIENCE A GIGGLE IT'S RIGHT THERE

Performance as Elphie closest to book!Elphaba: Mary Kate Morrissey 7/21/23; the most uncannily unsocialized and autistic Elphie I've ever seen and VERY unlike MK's usual portrayal. strikingly original and almost painful to watch at times. sensational.

Best sustained low note at the end of INTG: Julia Murney

Best delivery of "Yeah or maybe it scratched me or something:" Kristoffer Cusick

Best 1NT tour stop to use as a punchline: Appleton WI

Best Dillamond at actually making his lecture sound both interesting and like a legitimate classroom interaction: Harry Bouvy 9/24/17

All-Time Horniest ALAYAM: 2NT 2/XX/25 Carly Augenstein and Xavier McKinnon. No this is not recency bias, they kept kissing so long after the song ended the audience literally started to get uncomfortable. it ruled.

ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR ASKING I HOPE THIS SATISFIES

[youremyheaven]

Mrigashira: Always On The Run

TW: abuse, kidnapping, r*pe, murder, stalking, violence, incest

I have been doing more research on Mrigashira simply because for the last month or so, I have been seeing more Mrigashira like incidents more and more often (synchronicity, I suppose). It's so fascinating to me how literally the themes of this nakshatra manifest in real life.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the mythology of this nakshatra, it goes like this:

Rohini was Brahma's favourite daughter. He loved her to such an extent that he tried to be sexually intimate with her. Traumatized, Rohini decided to leave heaven. She descended down to earth and took the form of a deer (a deer's head is the symbol of Mrigashira and the word "Mrigashira" literally translates to animal's head) so that she can hide away from her creepy father. Deers are animals who spend their lives in fear of danger. Every day it wakes up knowing that it will have to run for its life because its prey to many predators. There is no sense of safety.

In real life this translates to paranoia, stalking (being stalked as well as stalking others), kidnapping, being held hostage, incestual abuse, obsession, being exiled, going into hiding, being deprived of your "freedom", being gaslit/manipulated, stockholm syndrome, having a violent/unsafe home, being on the run, chasing as well as being chased etc

Lindsay Lohan, Mrigashira Rising (she is also Bharani Moon and Venusian women are highly susceptible to abuse, which I'll explore further in a separate post)

Lindsay starred in a movie called I Know Who Killed Me which revolves around a young woman who is abducted and tortured by a sadistic serial killer. After surviving the abduction, she insists that her identity is that of another woman.

I would say both the themes of being abducted and held hostage and also being very confused about your identity are linked to Mrigashira (I won't give away the twist of the movie, but you should watch it, its not as bad as some people say it is). You have to remember that in the mythology, Rohini changed form from a woman to a deer, so changing identities, being confused about who you really are and by extension being susceptible to gaslighting and manipulation and also being paranoid about the same are all Mrigashira themes.

However, its not just victims who have Mrigashira placements, unfortunately, many perpetrators have Mrig in their charts as well.

Boy George- Mrigashira Sun

In 2007, Boy George imprisoned a male escort in his house, chained him to the wall and beat him up. It was apparently a psychotic episode as George was struggling with cocaine addiction at the time. He was convicted and served a 15-month sentence.

Sia- Mrigashira Moon

Sia felt uncomfortable being in the limelight and would suffer from constant anxiety and nervous breakdowns as a result of it in the early phase of her career. So when she made a comeback, she decided to wear wigs that covered her face and basically kept her hidden from view (all of these are Mrigashira themes).

Sia's relationship and obsession with Maddie Ziegler (Saturn in Mrigashira) has been extremely inappropriate. In 2014, at the age of 11, Maddie starred in Chandelier for Sia who was 38yrs old. Sia was a huge fan of Maddie after watching her performances on Dance Moms and reached out to her to star in the video. This began a long series of collaborations and performances.

Sia kept creating projects for Maddie to be in just so that she can keep her close and in her own words "protect her". But she cast Maddie as an autistic teen in a movie called Music for which Maddie received huge backlash and is considered very insulting movie to the autistic community. Maddie didn't even want to be in it but Sia forced her.

For many years, Maddie was the ONLY person that Sia followed on IG (now she's one of the five people she follows lol). Maddie would apparently have sleepovers with Sia and they'd snuggle in bed together? 🤮🤢🤮idk why a teenager has to live and snuggle with some middle aged woman who isn't even related to her?? Sia gets away with all this bc she's a woman, if a man did all this to a teenager he'd be accused of grooming her. Sia even bought Maddie her first car and tried to adopt her?? Sia basically made Maddie codependent on her from her early teens. I hope one day all the truth comes to light because their dynamic is seriously disturbing and Maddie has yet to speak up about it.

I personally find it morbid that a woman who found fame so nerve wracking and damaging as to hide behind wigs for her entire career would put a literal child out there as the "face" of her brand and then claim that she was "protecting" her. What or who exactly is she being protected from lol? if anything she is being exploited by a creepy older woman.

Linda Hamilton, Mrigashira Moon

Linda played the iconic Sarah Connor in the Terminator who is supposed to be executed by a cyborg sent from the future. The entire movie basically features Sarah running for her life. This is a very literal manifestation of a Mrigashira trope.

Bae Doona, Mrigashira Moon

several characters that Doona has played echo Mrigashira-esque themes. In Cloud Atlas, she plays a humanoid clone who has to eat "soap" which is the food that clones eat to remain acquiescent (it takes away their ability to remember or form new thoughts that aren't programmed into them- basically a scifi dystopian version of being gaslit). She eventually breaks free and learns the "truth" about her condition (another Mrigashira theme is "learning the truth" because Rohini escaped heaven after learning the truth behind her father's love).

Ewan McGregor, Mrigashira Moon

Ewan starred in a movie called Big Fish which is about a frustrated son trying to determine the fact from fiction in his dying father's life.

Ewan plays the father in question. The son does eventually learn about the truth but blurring fact and fiction and not being able to distinguish which is which, being overly suspicious of others and their motives etc are all Mrigashira themes.

Liam Neeson, Mrigashira Sun

In The Taken movies, Liam stars as a former CIA operative who must rescue his teenage daughter and her friend who has been abducted by human traffickers for sexual slavery while on a trip to Paris.

Liam is on the run throughout the movie, except he's the one chasing them and he is on a mission to rescue his abducted daughter (extremely on brand Mrigashira trope).

Bear Grylls, Ketu in Mrigashira

speaking of running and chasing, lets talk about surviving in the wild, which also arguably correlates to Mrigashira. Bear Grylls aka the man who made a career out of teaching people how to survive in the wild has his Ketu placement here. i include Ketu placements because Ketu is how we channel our latent creative potential. it represents our imagination and creativity bc its the lowest point of our subconscious.

BTS made their debut on 12th June 2013, so they have Mrigashira Sun atmakaraka & Jupiter (Pushya Moon, Mercury in Punarvasu amatyakaraka)

I have often wondered why Armies are so uniquely obsessive and why BTS seems mutually obsessed with their armies. For the most part it is a wonderful rapport (minus the saesangs) and knowing their Mrigashira connection cements it further.

Amelia Earhart, Venus in Mrigashira atmakaraka

The Mrigashira urge to be an explorer of some kind is very interesting to me, I feel like they're always breaking into new territories and doing unprecedented things but always paying a personal price for it

Amelia was an American aviation pioneer. On July 2, 1937, Earhart disappeared over the Pacific Ocean while attempting to become the first female pilot to circumnavigate the world. To this day, no one is quite sure what happened to her.

Mrigashira nak is quite prominent in the charts of many people who have similarly gone exploring and never returned.

Michael Rockefeller, Venus AK in Mrigashira, Mars Amk in Mrigashira

In 1961, he was on an expedition (??) in present day Indonesia (then Dutch New Guinea) when the boat he was in had overturned. He was with the anthropologist Rene Wassing who was rescued the next day but Michael was never seen or heard from again despite intensive searches all over the area. He was declared legally dead in 1964. There have been speculations over the years that he may have been a victim of cannibalism (which was practiced by the local tribes).

Joshua Slocum, Ketu in Mrigashira

He was the first person to sail single-handedly around the world.

In 1909 he set sail from New England in the Spray (the name of his ship) to spend the winter in Grand Cayman and was lost at sea. He was assumed to have been the victim of a collision; he and the Spray were never found, and in 1924 he was declared legally dead.

To go exploring and never be found is tragically Mrigashiracore

Hart Crane, Ketu in Mrigashira

On April 27, 1932, Crane, in an inebriated state, jumped off or fell off the steamship USS Orizaba and into the Gulf of Mexico while the ship was en route to New York. His body was never found.

Glen Miller, Mrigashira Rising

American big band conductor, arranger, composer, trombone player, and recording artist before and during World War II, when he was an officer in the US Army Air Forces.

Miller went missing in action (MIA) on December 15, 1944, on a flight over the English Channel. In keeping with standard operating procedure for the US military services, Miller was officially declared dead a year and a day later. Nobody is sure as to what exactly happened to him and his body was never recovered.

Jodi Sue Huisentruit, Mars in Mrigashira AmK

She was an American news anchor for KIMT in Mason City, Iowa. She disappeared in the early morning hours of June 27, 1995, soon after telling a colleague that she had overslept and was running late for work. Since there were signs of a struggle outside her apartment, Huisentruit is believed to have been abducted. However, extensive investigations failed to uncover any clues to her disappearance, and Huisentruit was declared legally dead in 2001.

Victor Grayson, Mars in Mrigashira AK, Shravana Moon

He was an English socialist politician of the early 20th century. 

On 28 September 1920, Grayson was out drinking with friends when he received a telephone message. He told his friends that he had to go to the Queen's Hotel in Leicester Square and would be back shortly. He did not return and no one knows what happened to him.

It has been speculated that Grayson was murdered to prevent his revealing evidence of corruption.

Salman Rushdie, Sun & Moon in Mrigashira

After his fourth novel, The Satanic Verses (1988), Rushdie became the subject of several assassination attempts and death threats, including a fatwa calling for his death issued by Ruhollah Khomeini, the supreme leader of Iran. Numerous killings and bombings have been carried out by extremists who cite the book as motivation, sparking a debate about censorship and religiously motivated violence. In 2022, a man stabbed Rushdie after rushing onto the stage where the novelist was scheduled to deliver a lecture at the Chautauqua Institution in Chautauqua, New York.

After the fatwa was issued, Rushdie took the name of Joseph Anton and lived in hiding under police protection for several years. The theme of Mrigashira running away and trying to hide manifests once again in this unfortunate example.

Vili Fualaau, Uttara Ashadha Moon, Mrigashira Stellium (Mercury, Mars & Rahu)

In the 90s Vili Fualaau's case made major headlines when Mary Kay Letourneau, his teacher was arrested for raping the 6th grader whom she had known since he was in 2nd grade. She was 34 years old and pregnant with 12 year old Vili's baby 🤢🤮🤢and claimed that she did not know that it was a crime to have sex with minors??  While awaiting sentencing, she gave birth to Fualaau's daughter.

Shortly after Letourneau had completed three months in jail, the police caught her in a car with Fualaau. A judge revoked her plea agreement and reinstated the prison sentence for the maximum allowed by law of seven and a half years. Eight months after returning to prison, she gave birth to Fualaau's second child, another daughter. She was imprisoned from 1998 to 2004. Letourneau and Fualaau were married in May 2005, and the marriage lasted 14 years until their separation in 2019. She died from cancer in 2020 and even though they were separated, Fualaau took care of her until she passed away. He publicly claimed that he never saw anything wrong in their relationship.

Obviously many victims struggle to form a coherent understanding of what happened to them. Some eroticize their experiences, others romanticize them or normalize them. Its often difficult for Mrig natives to fully comprehend or understand the insanity of the really messed up things they went through. Fualaau was groomed and raped by this woman since he was a child yet he held her in positive regard and remained married to her for nearly two decades and took care of her until she passed away?

Its similar to Brooke Shields, Mrig Moon who always spoke glowingly about the mother who made her do a full frontal nude playboy shoot as a 10yr old child??

Mrigashira being a deva gana nakshatra is quick to forgive and forget, it is also a Mridu or gentle nakshatra and often times, just how ??? sympathetic they are towards people who have abused them baffles me.

Gary DeVore- Jupiter in Mrigashira AmK, Uttaraphalguni Sun

He was a Hollywood screenwriter.

DeVore disappeared in June 1997, while driving at night from Santa Fe, New Mexico to Santa Barbara, California, prompting an extensive search and media speculation. DeVore was working in his office in Santa Fe trying to finish a script. DeVore had recently complained of writer's block, and so had decided to change his environment. When he finally finished the script, DeVore decided to drive home through the Mojave Desert. His wife Wendy was waiting for him at their beachfront house in Carpinteria, California. When she did not hear from him, she decided to call around 1 am (it was later discovered the call had not been recorded by the telephone company). He answered, but was not very specific on his location. This was the last time Wendy spoke with him.

A year later, he and his Ford Explorer were discovered submerged below a bridge over the aqueduct in Palmdale, California. After police had retrieved the vehicle from the water, it was found that his laptop containing the script (titled The Big Steal) was missing, as was his gun. DeVore's hands were missing; hand bones were found nearby but could not be conclusively identified as DeVore's. The discovery of DeVore's vehicle was considered suspicious, as the aqueduct was searched shortly after his disappearance was reported and nothing unusual was discovered. Police concluded that for DeVore to crash his vehicle in this location meant that he would have had to have driven 3 mi (4.8 km) against traffic without being seen. This would have been doubly difficult because the vehicle's lights were not switched on. DeVore's death has not been solved to date.

Patty Hearst, Jupiter in Mrigashira AK, Sun & Venus in Shatabhisha (I had previously explored how Shatabhisha natives often endure abuse)

She first became known for the events following her 1974 kidnapping by the Symbionese Liberation Army. She was found and arrested 19 months after being abducted, by which time she was a fugitive wanted for serious crimes committed with members of the group. She was held in custody, and there was speculation before trial that her family's resources would enable her to avoid time in prison.

At her trial, the prosecution suggested that Hearst had joined the Symbionese Liberation Army of her own volition. However, she testified that she had been raped and threatened with death while held captive. At the time of her arrest, Hearst's weight had dropped to 87 pounds (40 kg), and she was described by psychologist Margaret Singer in October 1975 as "a low-IQ, low-affect zombie". Shortly after her arrest, doctors recorded signs of trauma: her IQ was measured as 112, whereas it had previously been 130; there were huge gaps in her memory regarding her pre-SLA life; she was smoking heavily and had nightmares. She is said to have been brainwashed into committing crimes for the SLA

There is a really unfortunate pattern of Mrig natives being brainwashed by others, living in hiding, being on the run and generally feeling unsafe. These are some extreme manifestations of the themes of this nakshatra.

[callyourose]

match point, chapter four.

↳ masterlist

— In which Art and Patrick find themselves intertwined with the relationship of tennis superstar Tashi Duncan and her best friend, Lennon Caddel.

TASHI DUNCAN WASN'T CONTROLLING LENNON CADDEL.  She knew that Lennon was an adult, she was fully capable of making her own decisions. It wasn't like she was holding her at gunpoint. She could do what she wanted. Tashi truly did just want what was best for her. Lennon was incredible at tennis. Like, really, really fucking good. Tashi would never admit it, but she knew Lennon was better than her. She knew that she had never lost to her because Lennon had let her win. And she knew, deep, deep down, that Lennon didn't want to go pro. She was fucking miserable. She hated playing tennis. Sometimes, in the dark of her bedroom late at night or early in the morning, Lennon would contemplate declining her scholarship off and dropping out of school completely. She would stare at the screen of her computer, Stanford's student portal staring back at her. But tennis was the only thing that Tashi and Lennon knew. It was the basis of which their friendship was built on. If they were hanging out and didn't know what to do? They'd go out to Lennon's backyard and play a match. They wanted to watch a movie but couldn't decide on which one? They'd turn on Serena Williams or Lindsay Davenport's most recent match. Lennon hated playing tennis, but she knew that they needed it. Who would she be if she wasn't playing? What would her and Tashi even talk about? Would Tashi even like her if she wasn't winning? She didn't know. But she didn't want to find out. 

Art and Patrick were fighting for their lives on the tennis court. With Lennon and Tashi in the stands, it made the stakes that much higher. As the girls were leaving last night, the duo once again begging for their numbers, Tashi told them that whoever won their match could have Lennon's. Whoever lost could have hers. Both boys were ok with winning or losing. It was a win either way. Regardless, neither of them wanted to lose in front of the two greatest women in junior tennis.  

When Tashi had said that whoever lost the match could have her number, Lennon looked at her wide-eyed. She almost thought she was punishing her. In some weird, twisted way. Because why would Tashi Duncan want to be pursued by a loser? It was something that haunted Lennon all night long, the leftover fear of being a disappointment and the confusion of Tashi's promise to the boys making it impossible for her to sleep peacefully. 

The sun was beating down on all of them. Lennon's hair was pulled into a ponytail and tucked into a Stanford baseball cap, at the recommendation of Tashi. "I don't want you to get a sunburn," she had said, "Plus, hats are super cute on you."

The stakes were high and the match was almost over. And Art was losing. Lennon didn't know if she was rooting for anyone specifically, she was really just enjoying the game. If there's anything Tashi and Lennon can agree on, it's good tennis.

As soon as it had started, their final match was over. Patrick had won. Lennon and Tashi were on their feet, cheering, and he was bowing in their direction. Across the net, Art's hands were on his hips, feigning disappointment. But that didn't stop him from flashing an award winning smile when he caught Tashi's eye. She rolled her eyes, unable to stop the small grin that was blossoming on her face. 

Later that night, there was a knock at Lennon and Tashi's hotel room door. The girls were busy packing, their move-in date at Stanford was two days from then. They were going home for the next full day before packing up again and heading off to school. Their parents had been packing their bedrooms at home for them during their time at the US Open, so all that was left to do was to get home and then immediately leave. 

Tashi told Lennon to get the door and so she did. Patrick Zweig was standing in the hallway. He was fiddling with a pack of cigarettes, with a singular flower in his back pocket. 

"Hi, Patrick," she smiled, leaning against the door frame. She was in her pajamas, clad in a pair of black shorts (Tashi's) and her own oversized hoodie. She was toeing at the ground, her sock covered feet doing the work of distracting her. Tashi, although out of view, was peaking around the wall. She would tell you she wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but she was. 

"Hey," he replied as he eyed her up and down. As if just remembering it was there, he tucked the cigarette package into his front shirt pocket before reaching around and grabbing the flower out of his back one. "This is for you."

It was a rose. It looked like it had just been ripped off the bush. He had definitely stolen it from someone's garden. Still, the gesture was enough to have Lennon blushing and stumbling over her words. 

"Oh! Uh.. thank you, that's so sweet," She was trying so hard to suppress the blush and smile that were trying to take over her face. 

"Do you want to come somewhere with me?" He was grinning. He had reached into his front pocket and brought a cigarette to his lips. 

"You can't smoke in here," She raised her eyebrow and 'tsked', feigning mock disapproval. She was trying so hard to fight the urge to turn around to make sure Tashi wasn't watching. Not that she would've been mad at her for talking to Patrick, Lennon just wanted this all to herself for a minute.

Patrick smiled, his lips curling around the unlit cigarette. "I wasn't gonna light it, silly," He rolls his eyes, mocking. "Do you wanna come with me or not?"

Finally, Lennon looked back. Tashi was nowhere in sight. She looked down at her outfit and then back at Patrick and then back into her room. "Sure. But let me change."

"Where the hell are you taking me?!" Lennon giggled and she watched Patrick hop a wooden fence. After re-entering the room and convincing Tashi that she would be perfectly safe, she had left with the brunette boy and was letting him guide her. She was wearing the same shorts as before, but her previously socked feet were now covered by her beat up converse and she had forgone her hoodie in favor of a cropped t-shirt.

Patrick was stood on the other side of the fence and was smiling wide as he offered her his hands, helping her vault over it. "Just come on."

They walked side by side a little further, Patrick occasionally bumping his hip with Lennon's, causing her to giggle. She knew deep down that he was taking her somewhere that she wasn't supposed to be. After they had hopped the fence, the grass beneath them almost instantly became softer and well taken care off, almost as if they had stepped onto turf. The trees that had surrounded them for the first 5 minutes of their walk were nonexistent. By the time Patrick had lead them to where he wanted to be, plopping down on the grass and patting the space beside him, she had figured out where they were.

"Patrick..." She began, hands on her hips as she stood above him, "Is this a golf course?"

He leaned his head back, flashing her the same award winning smile that Art had used earlier. "There's no trees over here, okay? And you seem like the type of girl who likes to stargaze." 

He was right. She did like to stargaze.

Hesitantly, she sat down on the grass beside him and brought her knees up to her chest. She was resting her head on her knee as she turned to look at him. He was already looking at her.

"Do you like it?"

Lennon turned to look up at the sky, eyeing the stars Patrick was so desperate she see, and then back at him. "I do. As long as we don't get arrested for trespassing."

He chuckled at her, looking away. She rested her head on knee before turning to look at him again. "I wouldn't let that happen. I don't think Stanford accepts fugitives." 

At the mention of Stanford, and by association her tennis scholarship, she stiffens and her smile falters. She was tired of talking about it. For an hour, or however long her and Patrick would be out here, she didn't want to think about tennis. But she had met him at a tennis tournament. Obviously they were going to talk about tennis.

Just as she was about to fake a smile and reply to his joke, he knocks her leg with his. She lifts her head and turns to look at him fully, and he's looking at her with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Why don't you want to go pro?"

She was taken aback. She thought that the answer she had given last night was enough. Lennon was tired of discussing the thought of her playing professionally and why she wanted, or didn't want, to. So she said, "I do."

Patrick smiles softly and shakes his head. "No you don't."

"Yes I do. I told you last night that I did."

Patrick, who was leaning on his hands, sits up fully to turn his whole body to face her. "No, you didn't," He cocks his head at her, gauging her reaction before continuing. "You said that you didn't think that you were good enough to go pro and that you wouldn't be happy. And then Tashi got mad at you and you backtracked. Why?"

Lennon just stared at him. This was the first time in so long that anyone had asked her what she wanted. What she was thinking and what she wanted to do with her life without Tashi nearby to sway her answer. She honestly didn't know what to say. Part of her wanted to get angry with him. Why would he bring her here, alone, under the impression that he was here to get to know her, and then try to turn her against her best, and only friend? The other part of her, the part she didn't listen to very often, was almost relieved. Finally, for the first time in so long, she could just be Lennon. She didn't have to be Tashi Duncan's best friend or Steven Caddel's daughter or a Stanford scholarship recipient. She could just be her. Without the threat of Tashi's wrath or disappointed face. But still she looked over her shoulder, making sure they were alone. 

"I don't..." Lennon sighed, turning away from him. "I don't know." She was suddenly teary, as if the weight of the life she's built for herself has finally settled. She's set up to have the perfect career. She was born into the perfect family, she's going to the perfect school, her game is perfect. She could be known as one of the greats. Serena Williams, Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer. And Lennon. 

She sniffles, which Patrick hears, and he's immediately apologetic. 

"I'm so sorry, Lennon," He's trying not to stumble over his words. He's got one of the most perfect people in the world next to him, and he made her cry. "Genuinely, I didn't mean to upset you."

She shakes her head and blinks away her tears before turning back to him and smiling warmly. "It's fine, Patrick. Really."

He doesn't believe her. But he moves on anyway. 

[frostyclove]

my very long, very thought out, and hopefully not the worst costume analysis on all the main/support characters on school spirits, hope you enjoy <3 (spoilers though if you havent finished season 2 and dont want spoilers dont read)(also this is like not official at all im just a random person who talks like i know things i dont)

School Spirits ; a tv shows made by paramount about a girl who maybe died and now is hanging out with all the school ghosts while her living friend, that somehow she can see, tries to solve her murder and/or save her. Its a circumstance that lends us to really creative and fun costume choices, but as its a smaller production company AND for a YA genre show, im guessing they had a bit of a shoestring budget for the costumes. But you would never know, because they did phenomenal with what they had.

Before I go further, I want to take a moment of appreciation for the creative team (sorry creative team i know yall generally dislike being mentioned but im doing it anyways because ur cool and i love costume teams <3333). per imdb, the main costume designers are Beverley Huynh and Rebekka Sorensen-Kjelstrup. The rest of the costume / wardrobe department is made up of an assistant designer Karley Schroyen, costume coordinator Fiona Roberts, asst. Costume coordinator Elysha Low, costumers Lindsay Gjertsen, Lily Quirin, Megan Kennedy, and then my favorite spot, the buyer Melissa Sharon David, who does not appear in credits but is on imdb. There is also the set supervisors but tbh im unsure why they’re listed in the wardrobe section since thats generally a stage management position, except the set supervisor, whos job it is to keep the costumes looking like they’re meant (no letting actors near it with messy snacks essentially), and thats Kayla Irwin. Also the production designer is Charlie Campbell, whose basically the one in charge of overall vision. These are the names you should think of when appreciating the costumes. if youre complaining about them though its totally fine to forget their names i'd even encourage it <3

With the people that helped make the costumes acknowledged and thanked, lets move on to their actual creations. The ghost lend more interesting analysis, but even the living students still have interesting choices made in their costuming. Order will be ghosts > crossovers > living - character by character, in time order 

Janet, 1958 - 

Janet. Where do i begin with this little menace. Probably the disconnect between her outfits and where we see her in most of the show. From the 1950s, she dresses to fit the mold. A peter pan collar, perfectly pressed. A golden sweater, for the golden child (bought or made by her grandmother ofc). The 50’s silhouette, the just begging to leave behind the shirtwaist silhouette in favor of mod (which we will get to with dawn!). She does change a few times, but shes almost always in a golden yellow top, and when shes not she is in starkly different blue and green, which we only see prior to her death, showing just how much of her was stolen in her death, reflecting what we see in the scars through clothing. Generally though, shes in yellow when around Mr. Martin. Green and blue plus red and orange makes yellow. Janet pre fire + fire, = yellow. Just an interesting notice. She looks cute in a headband i hope they put her in more next season. 

Shes a smart girl, so shes technically breaking barriers and such, but she doesn’t personally want to be doing that, just, wants to do science. And her clothing reflects this. She follows all of the rules, just, also is smart. Shes not trying to ‘break the rules of society’, and that adds a really nice juxtaposition to the ghost version of her, who very much has reached her limit and is breaking just about any rule her ghost self is able to! 

Future scientist Janet, a girl not wanting to rock the boat, that manages to naturally be so talented that she rocks the boat. Three times, in death, s1 finale, and the literal boat scene in s2. No matter how she tries she cant help but rock the boat. No matter how she tries to fit in and where the acceptable clothes, she will always have, and always wear, her lab coat. So excited to see where they take her character. 

Mr. Martin, 1958 - 

Sigh. Classically dressed for a teacher of the time. His sweaters may have been considered a bit much. But he really just leans into the socials structure and rules of the time (which make sense they died at the tail end of the first red scare so its unsurprising that he is dressing per the ‘classic american’ figure). Outside of that he kind of just looks like a generic d.c. villain. And i really don’t want to think about him too much. So im skipping him and leaving you with just what is already covered. 

Actually… maybe the mcarthyism aesthetic on him was fully intentional. Maybe that was the point. I keep looking at images and even his hair is styled that way. He is dressed in perfect propogandistic americana outfit for the time. Which could be reflective of him, a farce for a caring teacher. One that first killed his prized and favorite student and also the one holding them back from crossing over in an attempt t o study, constantly sacrificing students for his ego. Just (symbolically) like the country at the time. Interesting.  

Rhonda, 1963 -

Rhonda my darling, my television counterpart. I’ve left her for last to write about. Shes the one that brings me the most difficulty to analyze. Its like looking in a weird mirror. Am i a bit baffled we didnt get a proper mod 60s ghost? Yeah. I can make due though. 

Rhonda’s got a very serious shell. Shes from a time of chaos, and had one of the most world shattering deaths, only doubling down on the need to have a shell, to protect herself. And as she manages to find her way back into trusting people, letting them in, letting the shell lapse, she will probably either lose bits (say the hat) or just change clothes, add things on with more color, like the lollipop. She wants to connect, deeply, but shes been burned too many times. And shes self aware of this. She knows its all a performance to keep herself in a bit of a bubble. In a way i think she would really get along with claire over this, xavier as well. 

Additionally, she was mourning. Herself. Her friends. She thought everyone hated her, that they thought she brought it on herself. It took multiple steps, including her accidentally summoning a (to be)girlfriend, and then said (to be)girlfriend going the extra mile to prove to her that, no. they blamed themselves, her killer, but not her. And with that, she was able to get back one thing that was crucial to her living - music. What is a beatnik if not writing poems if not in a basement listening to people tell stories and then writing about that. And she now feels like she can get that back, without a crippling guilt or pain always there to creep up behind her. Because shes heard the second verse now. And maybe just maybe we’ll see more of a ‘greaser’ version of her (pink jacket), one with a bit more confident and creativity to her, now that she knows she can let it back in. which will hopefully be the start of her letting others back in and being on her merry way to crossing over (but not before we get some sapphic time please)

Dawn, 1972 - 

I’m fairly certain Dawn only has one outfit, so this will be entirely about that one, its also one of the ones i’ve seen off set so I can judge on materials and stuff as well :). Dawn is a hippie. No question about that. But notably, shes a hippie in the tail end. Shes holding onto it. From 1974 on the style just about flickered out of popularity, almost like dawn was the start of the end (not literally but symbolically). Her outfit is also one of the least time accurate on the show, but i can let it pass (still time accurate but if we were going for iconography of the time shes not in it). 

Shes got a lovely bright orange pair of pants on, they’re very much a modern pair and not a then pair but this is not a historical so it doesn’t matter they’re cute. You never really see it in the show but shes got a white longsleeve crop shirt on, but it has a little blue design in the middle of it, which can be seen on the actresses tiktok. I think they just ended up liking the monochrome orange on her so they block that part of the shirt. Then an orange fringe vest and an orange bandana on her head, paired with her orange hair. We are clearly going with the color orange to symbolize the 70s. 

Dawn, in life and death, just floating about. Just having a good time. Being a sweetie, but not thinking too hard. The inverse to rhonda in a way (who is thinking and only being friendly to a point). In death she just wanted to be appreciated. To be seen. And her highlighter orange represents that, and when she is seen, she leaves a trail of highlighter orange flowers. To forever be seen, to be left floating about, bringing joy for eternity via little flowers. 

Yuri, 1977 - 

Time to talk about our resident stoner. Yuri, who kept up a con of not talking to anyone for damn near 40 years, only top give it up when a cute guy walks in. adore it. Lets see if i can connect that to his costume.

He is quite literally just in jeans and a long-sleeve. I have no idea if there is any design on the shirt, because his lovely apron covers it. It works great for the con, and he does get to spend all of his time just making things out of clay, which is very much great for him (as he is a lover of making things out of clay). I do unfortunately think that yuri has the same fallpoints Quinn does, in that we just don’t know enough in order to properly dissect him. 

But, if i were to reach, as someone who spends all his time at the pottery wheel, making things, he is good at molding people. Helping people become what they are. A character fully dedicated to helping others, building up others. Im sure theres also aspects of ruining them, as you restart projects or reuse their materials, but we have yet to see that. I’d anticipate that the path we expect Yuri to go down in the future is exploring how to create himself. Who he is when not creating. What his self worth may be when separated from his creations, and the impact that will have emotionally on him. 

There’s an aspect to Yuri that is very messy, unfinished. Not as an insult but in a way of, forever being worked on. An unfinished project. He really is like the embodiment of pottery which is so cool and odd well done to everyone involved there. There’s also a separation though - a using of the clay to separate to put a line between. In so many scenes his arm is covered in clay. He hides away in it, avoiding, everything. Theres something to that and I hope they explore it. 

Wally, 1983 -

Ah waldo. Wal… idk i havent come up with fun versions of his name like roriculous(rory williams/pond) yet, i will though. His costume was the one to spark this whole idea, something about the stupid simplicity of a sweat set really got to me. Also really want to see it on Ruby Cruz but that just me being really gay. 

Wally. 80s jock football player turned absolute teddy bear. And they managed to visually address that. By just taking off the football uniform, and putting milo in that fuck ass sweat set. Im tempted to not even write anything else, it just gets to the point so well. What else is there to say, rehash the scene with charley, the scene at the start with maddie telling him how to flirt with her? Ive never seen a character more perfectly represented by their costume. AND ITS SO SIMPLE. Like. costume dept yall really did so good with this. 

Everything we see him wear; outside of the uniform itself; is soft. Soft hoodies, soft armbands. They’re all fuzzy and fluffy. The uniform itself is, plastically, it has a metallic shine. Completely opposite of everything else we see him in. Just like how he has truly grown. He has shaken the bad societal taught aspects of his personality and become the living (dead) teddy bear that we all know him to be. But he still knows how to be a big bear. Protecting his friends, using his bear-ness (go with the metaphor please) in the scar to block and protect Charley, nearly repeating his death events. Hes such a fun character i adore him so much. I’m really glad they got a theatre boy for his actor, it adds that perfect angle to make it believable. 

Mina, 1987 - 

I’m going to say too much about her and you’re not going to believe me unless you also have worked in a theater. You’ve been warned <3

Mina, our lovely little catwalk ghost. She’s been in what, one scene? Two? Regardless, i love her. To start - a moment to learn. Stage lights are really fucking heavy and bulky. They’re on average like a foot tall, about 15 pounds at lightest. Heavier in the 80s. Additionally, they go about 100 feet up. And safety cables? Only added around the 80s. I’d imagine the school cheaped out and didn’t get them, leading to Minas death in 87. She has a line about someone not tightening it or something but that is quite literally what the safety cable is for - just in case. 

Her death outfit is one of the coolest fits you could wear as a techie. Shes got every damn tool she could need. Truly that outfit is incredible for her job. Every theatre has a joke or rumor about a ghost, one that protects or takes care of the theatre. And you take them seriously, just to be safe. Shes a great representation of that. As someone who spent many an hour in the catwalks of my schools theatre, they did her perfectly. And im glad shes out looking over the rest of the students, i appreciate her fictional self. Luv her and her techie fit <3 (also note - her hair is up. Who on the crew designed her shes perfect i love her)

Charley, 1995 - 

CHARLEY, what a lovebug. I adore charley. I already covered him a touch in the og post about this; but - charley fully exists within the 90s vibe, and the way the oversized clothing that was all the rage at the time ends up existing as a way to showcase how in death, he learned how to take up space. To be himself. That he can be loved while being himself. To be fully himself. 

The classic 90s oversized boxy t-shirt. Tucked into the also oversized bulky jeans, with the bulky cuff. Big glasses. Big denim jacket. His eyebrows!! Even his hair is reaching for the sky! Everything about Charley is trying so hard to take up space. But as we know, he wasn’t able to do it in life. The scene of his scar, himself being his biggest hater. He seems to hate how much space he wants to take up. Hates how instinctively he takes it up. But in death, thanks to the other ghosts, he becomes a version of himself that he lets, happily, take up that space. He becomes the first ghost to talk to maddie, quite literally putting himself out there as much as he possibly could, being the first to talk to the new girl. 

Then we see him start to fully step into that, fully learn to trust himself and love himself, enough that he is able to (like rhonda) basically summon himself a boyfriend. Its like the school gave him a lil present for the character growth. But essentially we get to see him not only realize this aspect within himself (learning to take up space) but he also begins to help Yuri with it as well, or at least begins to help Yuri, exist, as a ghost, rather than just a life locked away in a tower (greenhouse). 

Quinn, 2004 - 

Y’all quinn is only ever in the band uniform. So all i can really do is address within that context… so, forgive me if this one is shorter. 

Quinn, after dying on the bus for a band event, stuck playing on the grounds with the rest of the band. Only awoken when a pretty girl (Rhonda) screams and begs for them to wake up. (star crossed lovers if i’ve ever seen it). Clearly much of Quinn’s perception of herself is based on being in the band, being part of it, one of many making up a larger group. Just switched out band for being a member of the scooby doo squad. I want to attribute the blue to quinn just being a soft and sweet person, but i worry im reaching with that, as its just the school colors. Shes just a little band dork idk i love her but we just don’t know enough about her yet I don’t think. 

But, in an effort to reach regardless, Quinn being stuck in the band uniform is similar to wally being stuck in his football uniform - they both threw their lives into these orgs, wally for others, but as far as I can tell, Quinn for herself. Quinn was very quiet and slow to join the group, maybe in band she was able to pretend to not be real, similar to how they still remain essentially frozen. And in breaking out of that, and joining the other ghosts, she realizes she can be as loud as her instrument herself, be that much. Similar to charley, in finding himself and taking up space. Her hair is kind of reflective of this as well, with the ends being curly and voluminous and her bangs laying flat, like she wants to be voluminous but is used to staying within her marks. Its guesswork but I think its text supported. 

~The living are less fun to analyze sorry about worse analysis~

Maddie - 

Our lovely lead <3 i still really dont get the hair choice ; but i’ll do my best. I tried to notice during the show if this outfit was a one off, or if maddie dresses like this daily, and honestly, I don't know, despite actively trying to figure it out. Which means most likely - maddie just really doesn't care about clothing, about presentation. Shes the natural opposite to Claire in that way, which parallels nicely to their childhood flashbacks, maddie saying no because everything was already a mess but claire having to let down the facade to ask for help. 

Simple camisole, red flannel (proper flannel not the thin ones that does matter; she knows quality clothing shes not shopping fast fashion), black jeans. A real basic and simple combo for a basic day of school. It sets Maddie up in the first episode to just be a normal teenage girl, albeit, one going through a lot. I mean, shes dead after all. 

Im certain the bob means something. Its such a particular bob. Not french length, not shoulder length, its not even jaw or chin length. Its like she badly cut it herself the week before (only the week before because any more before and it would be longer). Maybe shes growing out a pixie? Im just very perplexed by that choice.

But yeah, the core of her costuming is just to solidify how normal / kind of sad she is as a person (as in emotion). Shes busy taking care of so many others that she forgets to take care of herself. Its literally her scar, throwing herself away to save others that can’t be saved. Hers is one of the most on-the-nose costumes, but thats because shes the main character. 

Simon - 

Simon is always (for what we see on the show) going thru it. He does not have time to think about his clothes that much; and yet - hes always dripped out. Hes got very good style. Its simple and subdued, but very nice. Linens, soft natural fabrics. A man of taste. 

I want to focus on the jacket he wears sometimes, hes a very practical guy. A warm jacket, a jacket ready for just about any weather. Snow, rain, wind, anything. Which is very reflective of him as a character. He is very level headed, very stable, reliable, a guy who can handle just about anything you throw at him. Just about. Which is where the little white fur bits on the collar come in. that stuff is GREAT when its cold. Its also icky as hell when its wet. You touch just the wrong nerve, push him just tooo far, and he will crash. He will snap, he will become that sticky-static-gross that sherpa gets when wet. However. When it dries. Its good to go again! Back to ol reliable. Just him when he lost it for a minute there when he thought he was hallucinating Maddie. 

He actually has multiple of these, it seems. A brown/black and a red, at least. Im going to take the two as an indicator of/for the finale and how S2 ended. How he would be the 2nd. How he would be the next to exist both within the living and among the dead. 2’s all around. I really don’t know the order he wears them in, which would be very helpful, but theres something there about having red so clearly on him, marking him as the heart and soul of the show. Someone with so much love that it bleeds onto his clothing. The black jacket representing him trying to not be such a caring guy but failing dramatically (thankfully, since its part of what makes him so lovable). 

Xavier - 

I mean how much is there to say about a grumpy emo boy in grumpy emo boy clothes. They have him dressed like a modern day dean winchester (which is funny and fitting because one of his previous co-workers played young dean for a bit there; degrassi fans im sorry for the sad-jumpscare with that one). But if I must be serious (and I must I know myself) ; 

He’s never in less than three layers. Thick layers at that. He really doesn’t let people in. Always in dark clothes, always trying to hide himself. This is extra obvious when paired with the nicole-band-secret-texting situation. Even when hes being himself hes still hiding himself. Its likely what caused him and Claire to even bond in the first place, both constantly hiding their problems in corners. He’s not putting any effort into his styling. Except he is. He has perfected the art of looking like hes not trying - i’d assume because his dad would chastise him for trying. 

Even the fact that he hardly blinks ends up being a costuming choice, because his open eyes are just present at all times. Hes both always thinking and never thinking. Ever presently detached from his body. Which only comes to matter more towards the end of season 2, with him literally acting as the go between, being able to separately see the living and dead. The non-blinking-ness turned into symbolism for his existence in between the two planes. Not dead and yet not living. Forever stuck where things ended, when maddie ended. I really do love his character, and i’m happy to see people coming around to his grumpy ass. Not to be classic but I do think hes a classic example of an onion style character, layers on layers. So many layers that he has found himself as the conduit between not only life and death, living and dead, but locations. He is how we will know about other ghosts. Hes connecting them to a larger map. 

Nicole - 

This is the first living student I am working on, which means they have purchasing power! They have multiple outfits! More to analyze. Nicole is always seen in bright colors, big fabrics. She similarly to Charley likes visually taking up space. Unlike Charley, she is also very confident and is able to do that in her life as well. She often catches hate from the audience, due to her very large personality (frankly y’all are too mean in general towards her shes only mildly annoying). Practical clothing, despite the patterns. Almost always jeans and a sweater. Shes a girl with a plan, and shes gonna make sure she can do it. 

I think there’s a balance to Nicole, one that without Maddie is off. And i think thats emphasized in the clothing choices. With simons simple, subdued clothes, and Nicole's bright and loud clothes, Maddie's dark and grumpy-ness balances all of that out, rounds out the group. The same likely applies in their personalities, with Maddie normally being the glue between them (thank god for xavier taking that place a small bit). Theres generally a bit less to analyze with the living because well, they are still figuring themselves out, whereas the ghosts have mostly had decades. 

Nicole wants to care. She wants to help. But she can get in her own way with that. (blue covered in brown outfits multiple times, muting her own personality + care) Think about when you wear something just a bit too bulky or just too large and you lose the ability to move your arms right. I think that happens to her. Inverse of Charley almost. She doesn’t know how to contain all of her personality, much less direct it in the way she wants to. She’s really funny so im trying to find a tie in with the clothes but im not finding one. Its there. I just can’t see it. 

Claire - 

Claire loves purple. Shes always in it. Like nicole, attention is something she knows how to command. Like Charley, it might not be done intentionally. She looks as if she tends to just pick cute and comfortable clothes, little thought going in to how others would see it. (she just has good taste; paired with the way she acts, shes doing it for herself not others). The whole way she treats being on the cheer squad and all seems like a self aware performance. She knows shes always performing for others, so she just, is gonna do it well and on her terms, type of thing. Even her hair and makeup - its like the inverse of Mr martin. Shes not ‘following’ any of the classic ‘cheerleader’ rules. Big eyeliner, big eyeshadow, shes gonna be herself and damn anyone that stops her. Unless they're dying, ofc, because shes an absolute sweetheart at heart, just with a bit of a tough exterior (except not really, as can be seen with her eyeshadow. its big, but its soft and glossy). If anything, I think shes the most emblematic of a classic ‘2010s’ or ‘2020s’ style, which actually concerns me. She’d have a VERY interesting death plot if they were to go there.  

Claire is like the only fully put together member of the living characters, and I think that aspect of her clothing is very reflective of her personality. She’s not originally in the friend group. Shes from a different area of the school, basically. And visually, per her clothing, you can tell that. She dresses like a ~normal person~ insta account. Shes holding all of her together with the visuals. Hiding all the bad. Hiding any issues she may have behind a perfectly crafted outfit. And she does it very well. She is incredible at hiding her difficulties. And i would imagine that that will end up being part of where her story goes as (assuming) the show continues. 

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If ya’ll enjoyed this one im happy to do it for other shows but also… gonna do a lighting analysis. On the color grading. Or a color/lighting appreciation. Idk i wanna talk about colors and lights. welcome to my theatre niches