#for helping to facilitate a funny time

[eebie]

played DTI with the boss and i]t was really fun

[tossawary]

I was thinking about Xie Lian being able to snap the Xin Mo sword in half with his bare hands again, and then I thought to myself... "Wait, Xie Lian and Luo Binghe interaction could be really cute, though?"

Like, let's say that Xie Lian, during his time as a wandering trash god, accidentally falls into an interdimensional rift and ends up in the SVSSS world. His luck is bad like that. But while this is weird, sure, it's not that bad! The worlds are pretty similar and he can still make his living! So, Xie Lian wanders along as usual, curiously learning about this new world, picking through trash, occasionally punching demonic beasts to death to rescue awed civilians.

And at some point, Xie Lian runs into a young Luo Binghe while he's living on the streets. Let's say that Xie Lian rolls into town shortly before the death of Binghe's adoptive mother, has a few sweet encounters with this cute and kind child who doesn't have much to spare for a trash collector, and is there to comfort his new young friend when Binghe's adoptive mother passes away. Xie Lian is still there when Binghe gets thrown out onto the streets and he agrees to help the boy travel to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.

So, Binghe gets to spend a month or two as a trash-collecting god's apprentice! He doesn't know that Xie Lian is a god. He suspects that Xie Lian is just a very powerful rogue cultivator who is living very humbly for some reason. The time isn't entirely pleasant, because life is hard and Binghe is grieving, but Xie Lian understands pain very well and is an excellent companion. He sees Binghe safely to Cang Qiong.

At which point, clingy Binghe does not want to separate from this extremely nice person, but Xie Lian insists on it. He wants Binghe to have a better life. He's worried that his bad luck will somehow spread to this poor boy who reminds him of so many other people he's loved and lost. Xie Lian supervises the confusing entrance exam, while the adult Cang Qiong cultivators desperately try to figure out who this strange person is (Airplane Bro is going "???!!!"), and then leaves wistfully. Binghe will later look back on this particular period of his life very fondly.

Xie Lian can then go in and out of the SVSSS plot as a person pleases! I think it would be very funny if Liu Qingge ended up with an unwilling crush on Xie Lian as well, when they have a spar for some reason and Xie Lian handily SLAMS him into the ground. Xie Lian would probably end up running into Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang somehow, both of whom I think would end up being a little obsessed with him.

I think that the best place to bring Xie Lian and Binghe back together is maybe after Binghe escapes the Endless Abyss. So that Binghe can have a nice cry session on Xie Lian's shoulder. Xie Lian can possibly then introduce Binghe to Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang. Or else generally fumble his way through facilitating Bingqiu actually communicating and being less of a painful mess. Shen Qingqiu (Shen Yuan) is very confused by this character?! Where did he come from??? Who is he??? He's very nice, though, and Shen Qingqiu is feeling maybe a liiiiittle jealous over Binghe.

(I don't know how to handle the System in this AU, but I do like the idea of the System just... not being able to handle Xie Lian. Xie Lian is a god from a different worldbuild. He kind of just breaks everything.)

(If you want to get a little angsty and ghostly, you could have a plotline in which Xie Lian helps the ghost of Shen Jiu somehow. Qijiu resolution?)

Binghe would probably be open to the idea of getting together with Xie Lian as well as Shen Qingqiu. He has a type! He is full of love! But Xie Lian is definitely not interested and is very good at wiggling away from come-ons, so Binghe respectfully doesn't pursue that passing thought / childhood crush, no matter what Tianlang-Jun is saying about threesomes again.

Binghe ends up using the (tamed? broken?) Xin Mo sword to send Xie Lian (his "gege") back to Xie Lian's own world. (Or Mobei-Jun could maybe do it?) Xie Lian has been gone for years and wants to see how his world is doing. Binghe tearfully promises to visit him regularly and to come get him WHENEVER HE WANTS. Xie Lian pats his head and agrees to stay in touch.

So, then Xie Lian tumbles out back into his own world and into the start of the plot of TGCF. And at any point in the plot of TGCF, he's now able to summon a heavenly demon from another dimension (with a super powerful sword that can move mountains?) who would absolutely be willing to fight all of heaven for him.

Xie Lian generally isn't going to do this, because he doesn't want to involve Binghe in his problems, even though Binghe is CHEWING THE WALLS with the desire to help him in return. However, Xie Lian does really like to go out with Binghe and Shen Qingqiu (and sometimes people like Airplane Bro and Mobei-Jun and Liu Qingge as well) to nice restaurants every other week or so. "So, what's new?" "Oh, I've ascended to heaven again and it's a little troublesome, ha ha. How are you?"

Hua Cheng is... nonplussed. On one hand, he's a little jealous. On the other hand, FINALLY, people can recognize that Xie Lian is the best person in the world. Luo Binghe has GOOD TASTE and is just some well-meaning kid whom Xie Lian likes a lot and who rightly thinks heaven sucks. Hua Cheng is determinedly shaking Luo Binghe's hand and giving him advice from a Ghost King to a future Demon Emperor.

(Tianlang-Jun CANNOT be allowed into Ghost City. He will NOT leave. I think that Hua Cheng is strong enough to throw him out if necessary, but Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang would just keep slipping back in somehow. Permanently banned from the gambling tables no matter what he offers, but Tianlang-Jun is still allowed to hang out at the Ghost City playhouse because he quickly becomes the favorite audience member of all of the ghost actors. He has AWFUL taste. Yin Yu hates this guy.)

(Also, I do think that Xie Lian would not really like the Xin Mo sword at all. E'ming is a beautiful baby boy made from and by Hua Cheng, who is Xie Lian's favorite person in the world who has never done anything wrong ever. Xin Mo is some random blade that destroys Luo Binghe's mental health and turns him into the worst version of himself! Xie Lian could and possibly should snap that possession sword like a twig.)

[theamityelf]

Makoto in Dr2 au: How does Makoto shift the dynamics between students? Are there any unexpected friendships with Makoto acting as the catalyst? Are certain people nicer, or more guarded? Who's presence does Makoto specifically seek out at the beginning? The end game trio is definitely Hajime Chiaki Makoto (with Nagito lurking about), but I imagine that he would've hung out with Fuyuhiko/Hiyoko/Peko at least a couple times (or tried to). Maybe Makoto even managed to befriend them on some level before their chatacter development/death/both. He's friends with Byakuya and Kyoko, he obviously doesn't mind prickly or cold personalities.

Also: do Hajime and Makoto both have gambling and/or gifting habits, or is it just one? In case of the latter, which?

(Despair disease Makoto is so funny here, I genuinely can't get enough of it.)

I love it!! Great questions. And thank you for enjoying Despair Disease Makoto, lol.

(Masterlist for my Makoto in Other Killing Games AU's)

Makoto's social presence: Okay, so in one of my posts, I said that Makoto initially becomes friends with Mahiru, and I definitely think there's a chance for him to (maybe accidentally) fall into an older brother role with Hiyoko (see this post) and a younger brother role with Akane (since she's strong and has younger siblings to compare him to). He makes progress getting to know Peko before he makes progress getting to know Fuyuhiko (and also his progress with Peko helps him get close to Fuyuhiko). He gets along very well with Chiaki, though it's not really emphasized until later. What I'm basically saying is, I think he's going to be either a protectorate or pet to most of the girls in Class 77.

He still does his best to talk to everyone as much as he does in THH, but the way the group sees him, at least initially, is as Mahiru's little helper and Sonia's polite little gentleman and Ibuki's chew toy, etc. (It's not romantic on the girls' part pretty much at all; Makoto is attracted to some of them, but in the same way he's kind of attracted to Sayaka, Chihiro, Hina, etc. in THH.)

Kazuichi is jealous, and Fuyuhiko is lowkey grateful that someone else is being infantilized.

ALSO, because I believe Makoto should be allotted one incredibly important overheard conversation per killing game, I want to say he hears Fuyuhiko and Peko kind of alluding to the nature of their relationship in private, and he keeps this to himself.

The way this looks in practice: A lot of the time when Mahiru is chastising the boys for not doing something or another, she'll make a point to add, "Except Makoto. He's helping me carry groceries, so he's excused," or something of the sort. At a point, Fuyuhiko starts doing this, too. Like, "You guys make me sick! Except the kid, I guess."

Also, I imagine Makoto always immediately looks away when Mikan does her fanservice tumbles, and Mahiru approves of that, too. All the girls do. (I'm not saying that Hajime is staring, like, out of perviness; I'm more saying that Hajime doesn't have an immediate "Yikes! Her thighs!" reaction that Makoto, in my mind, would. Like, for example, when Akane says "Hajime, you can touch my boobs if you want," his reaction is "H-ll no." I think, given the same offer, Makoto would kind of stammer a little bit before turning it down. Kinda startled, ya know.)

The girls get protective when Teruteru flirts with Makoto. Ibuki will straight up cover Makoto's ears, like, "No! Protect the innocent ears!" Makoto is kind of bewildered by the treatment, because he's not that much younger than any of them, but he just kind of goes with it.

Mikan actually does fewer fanservice tumbles because now Makoto is the clumsy guy and she gets to fuss over him and tend to his scrapes. This actually weirdly facilitates some semi-positive interactions between her and Hiyoko, because if Hiyoko ever sees Makoto injured, she'll call for Mikan (albeit while peppering insults in there), and Mikan really loves being needed.

And on the other side of it, when it comes time to suspect him for things, people (especially Kazuichi) will often bring up, "Why do you think he acts so innocent?" "Why do you think he went out of his way to get the girls on his side?" And he's just like, "I don't! I didn't! It just happened! I don't know why they treat me this way, either!" Meanwhile he's holding everyone's beach bags and Akane just wordlessly tossed him a bottle of sunscreen.

Kazuichi has tried to imitate Makoto's behavior, but his opportunistic spin on it just puts people off.

The way this affects the canon social dynamics: I've read a really fun fic where having Makoto in SDR2 caused Kazuichi and Gundham to become friends (The fic is called "A Change in Variables: Makoto Naegi", by Keroshroom; it's great.), but here Kazuichi still very much opts for Hajime as his go-to guy friend. In the same way that he canonically considered Nekomaru unqualified for the Chapter 2 beach house outing because he "can't keep a secret", he would probably say Makoto is "in too deep" or "too close to the opposition".

Basically, Kazuichi is not close to Makoto, but he might be closer to Hajime than in canon as a result of Makoto, since Makoto is someone else to distrust. Inexplicably from a different class, inexplicably appealing to girls, and eerily similar to Nagito.

Mahiru, Hiyoko, Mikan, and Ibuki gravitate together as a friend group, first of all because canon says they were a friend group at school, and second of all because Makoto takes the edge off of the things that would otherwise have slowed that development down (like the animosity between Hiyoko and Mikan, as mentioned above). It starts as them "borrowing" Makoto from each other, and then at some point they're actual friends and they're telling Makoto to give them privacy to hang out together as girls. (Which is around when he transitions from between being primarily Mahiru's friend to being primarily Hajime's friend.)

Peko and Fuyuhiko might be able to hang out together openly. Of course, it depends on how all the death stuff goes, but there's at least a good chance. If Makoto knows about them and is chill about it, it might allow them to chill a little bit, depending on how Other Things play out.

I think Sonia and Gundham progress at the same rate as canon, as do Akane and Nekomaru.

He might deliberately create a bond between Sonia and Fuyuhiko (because they're both leaders; they should talk about that!) and Mikan and Akane (because if Mikan likes taking care of people who are often injured, she should hang out with Akane more!), and maybe Ibuki and Gundham (many reasons; this post is getting so long). I can't help thinking that, in Chihiro-and-Mondo fashion, at least one of the connections Makoto creates ends in tragedy.

The gift-giving thing: Oh boy, you have no idea how much I've wished there were some difference in game mechanics between the protagonists here, lol.

What I'm going with is, they both do it, but Hajime is doing it in an "I keep finding these stupid Monocoins and there's nothing else to do with them" kind of way, whereas Makoto is doing it in a "Great, another Monocoin for the MonoMono Machine! Those gifts are a great icebreaker," way.

[max-levchin]

Shamir Secret Sharing

It’s 3am. Paul, the head of PayPal database administration carefully enters his elaborate passphrase at a keyboard in a darkened cubicle of 1840 Embarcadero Road in East Palo Alto, for the fifth time. He hits Return. The green-on-black console window instantly displays one line of text: “Sorry, one or more wrong passphrases. Can’t reconstruct the key. Goodbye.” 

There is nerd pandemonium all around us. James, our recently promoted VP of Engineering, just climbed the desk at a nearby cubicle, screaming: “Guys, if we can’t get this key the right way, we gotta start brute-forcing it ASAP!” It’s gallows humor – he knows very well that brute-forcing such a key will take millions of years, and it’s already 6am on the East Coast – the first of many “Why is PayPal down today?” articles is undoubtedly going to hit CNET shortly. Our single-story cubicle-maze office is buzzing with nervous activity of PayPalians who know they can’t help but want to do something anyway. I poke my head up above the cubicle wall to catch a glimpse of someone trying to stay inside a giant otherwise empty recycling bin on wheels while a couple of Senior Software Engineers are attempting to accelerate the bin up to dangerous speeds in the front lobby. I lower my head and try to stay focused. “Let’s try it again, this time with three different people” is the best idea I can come up with, even though I am quite sure it will not work. 

It doesn’t. 

The key in question decrypts PayPal’s master payment credential table – also known as the giant store of credit card and bank account numbers. Without access to payment credentials, PayPal doesn’t really have a business per se, seeing how we are supposed to facilitate payments, and that’s really hard to do if we no longer have access to the 100+ million credit card numbers our users added over the last year of insane growth. 

This is the story of a catastrophic software bug I briefly introduced into the PayPal codebase that almost cost us the company (or so it seemed, in the moment.) I’ve told this story a handful of times, always swearing the listeners to secrecy, and surprisingly it does not appear to have ever been written down before. 20+ years since the incident, it now appears instructive and a little funny, rather than merely extremely embarrassing. 

Before we get back to that fateful night, we have to go back another decade. In the summer of 1991, my family and I moved to Chicago from Kyiv, Ukraine. While we had just a few hundred dollars between the five of us, we did have one secret advantage: science fiction fans. 

My dad was a highly active member of Zoryaniy Shlyah – Kyiv’s possibly first (and possibly only, at the time) sci-fi fan club – the name means “Star Trek” in Ukrainian, unsurprisingly. He translated some Stansilaw Lem (of Solaris and Futurological Congress fame) from Polish to Russian in the early 80s and was generally considered a coryphaeus at ZSh. 

While USSR was more or less informationally isolated behind the digital Iron Curtain until the late ‘80s, by 1990 or so, things like FidoNet wriggled their way into the Soviet computing world, and some members of ZSh were now exchanging electronic mail with sci-fi fans of the free world.

The vaguely exotic news of two Soviet refugee sci-fi fans arriving in Chicago was transmitted to the local fandom before we had even boarded the PanAm flight that took us across the Atlantic [1]. My dad (and I, by extension) was soon adopted by some kind Chicago science fiction geeks, a few of whom became close friends over the years, though that’s a story for another time. 

A year or so after the move to Chicago, our new sci-fi friends invited my dad to a birthday party for a rising star of the local fandom, one Bruce Schneier. We certainly did not know Bruce or really anyone at the party, but it promised good food, friendly people, and probably filk. My role was to translate, as my dad spoke limited English at the time. 

I had fallen desperately in love with secret codes and cryptography about a year before we left Ukraine. Walking into Bruce’s library during the house tour (this was a couple years before Applied Cryptography was published and he must have been deep in research) felt like walking into Narnia. 

I promptly abandoned my dad to fend for himself as far as small talk and canapés were concerned, and proceeded to make a complete ass out of myself by brazenly asking the host for a few sheets of paper and a pencil. Having been obliged, I pulled a half dozen cryptography books from the shelves and went to work trying to copy down some answers to a few long-held questions on the library floor. After about two hours of scribbling alone like a man possessed, I ran out of paper and decided to temporarily rejoin the party. 

On the living room table, Bruce had stacks of copies of his fanzine Ramblings. Thinking I could use the blank sides of the pages to take more notes, I grabbed a printout and was about to quietly return to copying the original S-box values for DES when my dad spotted me from across the room and demanded I help him socialize. The party wrapped soon, and our friends drove us home. 

The printout I grabbed was not a Ramblings issue. It was a short essay by Bruce titled Sharing Secrets Among Friends, essentially a humorous explanation of Shamir Secret Sharing. 

Say you want to make sure that something really really important and secret (a nuclear weapon launch code, a database encryption key, etc) cannot be known or used by a single (friendly) actor, but becomes available, if at least n people from a group of m choose to do it. Think two on-duty officers (from a cadre of say 5) turning keys together to get ready for a nuke launch. 

The idea (proposed by Adi Shamir – the S of RSA! – in 1979) is as simple as it is beautiful. 

Let’s call the secret we are trying to split among m people K. 

First, create a totally random polynomial that looks like: y(x) = C0 * x^(n-1) + C1 * x^(n-2) + C2 * x^(n-3) ….+ K. “Create” here just means generate random coefficients C. Now, for every person in your trusted group of m, evaluate the polynomial for some randomly chosen Xm and hand them their corresponding (Xm,Ym) each. 

If we have n of these points together, we can use Lagrange interpolating polynomial to reconstruct the coefficients – and evaluate the original polynomial at x=0, which conveniently gives us y(0) = K, the secret. Beautiful. I still had the printout with me, years later, in Palo Alto. 

It should come as no surprise that during my time as CTO PayPal engineering had an absolute obsession with security. No firewall was one too many, no multi-factor authentication scheme too onerous, etc. Anything that was worth anything at all was encrypted at rest. 

To decrypt, a service would get the needed data from its database table, transmit it to a special service named cryptoserv (an original SUN hardware running Solaris sitting on its own, especially tightly locked-down network) and a special service running only there would perform the decryption and send back the result. 

Decryption request rate was monitored externally and on cryptoserv, and if there were too many requests, the whole thing was to shut down and purge any sensitive data and keys from its memory until manually restarted. 

It was this manual restart that gnawed at me. At launch, a bunch of configuration files containing various critical decryption keys were read (decrypted by another key derived from one manually-entered passphrase) and loaded into the memory to perform future cryptographic services.

Four or five of us on the engineering team knew the passphrase and could restart cryptoserv if it crashed or simply had to have an upgrade. What if someone performed a little old-fashioned rubber-hose cryptanalysis and literally beat the passphrase out of one of us? The attacker could theoretically get access to these all-important master keys. Then stealing the encrypted-at-rest database of all our users’ secrets could prove useful – they could decrypt them in the comfort of their underground supervillain lair. 

I needed to eliminate this threat.

Shamir Secret Sharing was the obvious choice – beautiful, simple, perfect (you can in fact prove that if done right, it offers perfect secrecy.) I decided on a 3-of-8 scheme and implemented it in pure POSIX C for portability over a few days, and tested it for several weeks on my Linux desktop with other engineers. 

Step 1: generate the polynomial coefficients for 8 shard-holders.

Step 2: compute the key shards (x0, y0)  through (x7, y7)

Step 3: get each shard-holder to enter a long, secure passphrase to encrypt the shard

Step 4: write out the 8 shard files, encrypted with their respective passphrases.

And to reconstruct: 

Step 1: pick any 3 shard files. 

Step 2: ask each of the respective owners to enter their passphrases. 

Step 3: decrypt the shard files.

Step 4: reconstruct the polynomial, evaluate it for x=0 to get the key.

Step 5: launch cryptoserv with the key. 

One design detail here is that each shard file also stored a message authentication code (a keyed hash) of its passphrase to make sure we could identify when someone mistyped their passphrase. These tests ran hundreds and hundreds of times, on both Linux and Solaris, to make sure I did not screw up some big/little-endianness issue, etc. It all worked perfectly. 

A month or so later, the night of the key splitting party was upon us. We were finally going to close out the last vulnerability and be secure. Feeling as if I was about to turn my fellow shard-holders into cymeks, I gathered them around my desktop as PayPal’s front page began sporting the “We are down for maintenance and will be back soon” message around midnight.

The night before, I solemnly generated the new master key and securely copied it to cryptoserv. Now, while “Push It” by Salt-n-Pepa blared from someone’s desktop speakers, the automated deployment script copied shard files to their destination. 

While each of us took turns carefully entering our elaborate passphrases at a specially selected keyboard, Paul shut down the main database and decrypted the payment credentials table, then ran the script to re-encrypt with the new key. Some minutes later, the database was running smoothly again, with the newly encrypted table, without incident. 

All that was left was to restore the master key from its shards and launch the new, even more secure cryptographic service. 

The three of us entered our passphrases… to be met with the error message I haven’t seen in weeks: “Sorry, one or more wrong passphrases. Can’t reconstruct the key. Goodbye.” Surely one of us screwed up typing, no big deal, we’ll do it again. No dice. No dice – again and again, even after we tried numerous combinations of the three people necessary to decrypt. 

Minutes passed, confusion grew, tension rose rapidly. 

There was nothing to do, except to hit rewind – to grab the master key from the file still sitting on cryptoserv, split it again, generate new shards, choose passphrases, and get it done. Not a great feeling to have your first launch go wrong, but not a huge deal either. It will all be OK in a minute or two.

A cursory look at the master key file date told me that no, it wouldn’t be OK at all. The file sitting on cryptoserv wasn’t from last night, it was created just a few minutes ago. During the Salt-n-Pepa-themed push from stage, we overwrote the master key file with the stage version. Whatever key that was, it wasn’t the one I generated the day before: only one copy existed, the one I copied to cryptoserv from my computer the night before. Zero copies existed now. Not only that, the push script appears to have also wiped out the backup of the old key, so the database backups we have encrypted with the old key are likely useless. 

Sitrep: we have 8 shard files that we apparently cannot use to restore the master key and zero master key backups. The database is running but its secret data cannot be accessed. 

I will leave it to your imagination to conjure up what was going through my head that night as I stared into the black screen willing the shards to work. After half a decade of trying to make something of myself (instead of just going to work for Microsoft or IBM after graduation) I had just destroyed my first successful startup in the most spectacular fashion. 

Still, the idea of “what if we all just continuously screwed up our passphrases” swirled around my brain. It was an easy check to perform, thanks to the included MACs. I added a single printf() debug statement into the shard reconstruction code and instead of printing out a summary error of “one or more…” the code now showed if the passphrase entered matched the authentication code stored in the shard file. 

I compiled the new code directly on cryptoserv in direct contravention of all reasonable security practices – what did I have to lose? Entering my own passphrase, I promptly got “bad passphrase” error I just added to the code. Well, that’s just great – I knew my passphrase was correct, I had it written down on a post-it note I had planned to rip up hours ago. 

Another person, same error. Finally, the last person, JK, entered his passphrase. No error. The key still did not reconstruct correctly, I got the “Goodbye”, but something worked. I turned to the engineer and said, “what did you just type in that worked?”

After a second of embarrassed mumbling, he admitted to choosing “a$$word” as his passphrase. The gall! I asked everyone entrusted with the grave task of relaunching crytposerv to pick really hard to guess passphrases, and this guy…?! Still, this was something -- it worked. But why?!

I sprinted around the half-lit office grabbing the rest of the shard-holders demanding they tell me their passphrases. Everyone else had picked much lengthier passages of text and numbers. I manually tested each and none decrypted correctly. Except for the a$$word. What was it…

A lightning bolt hit me and I sprinted back to my own cubicle in the far corner, unlocked the screen and typed in “man getpass” on the command line, while logging into cryptoserv in another window and doing exactly the same thing there. I saw exactly what I needed to see. 

Today, should you try to read up the programmer’s manual (AKA the man page) on getpass, you will find it has been long declared obsolete and replaced with a more intelligent alternative in nearly all flavors of modern Unix.  

But back then, if you wanted to collect some information from the keyboard without printing what is being typed in onto the screen and remain POSIX-compliant, getpass did the trick. Other than a few standard file manipulation system calls, getpass was the only operating system service call I used, to ensure clean portability between Linux and Solaris. 

Except it wasn’t completely clean. 

Plain as day, there it was: the manual pages were identical, except Solaris had a “special feature”: any passphrase entered that was longer than 8 characters long was automatically reduced to that length anyway. (Who needs long passwords, amiright?!)

I screamed like a wounded animal. We generated the key on my Linux desktop and entered our novel-length passphrases right here. Attempting to restore them on a Solaris machine where they were being clipped down to 8 characters long would never work. Except, of course, for a$$word. That one was fine.

The rest was an exercise in high-speed coding and some entirely off-protocol file moving. We reconstructed the master key on my machine (all of our passphrases worked fine), copied the file to the Solaris-running cryptoserv, re-split it there (with very short passphrases), reconstructed it successfully, and PayPal was up and running again like nothing ever happened. 

By the time our unsuspecting colleagues rolled back into the office I was starting to doze on the floor of my cubicle and that was that. When someone asked me later that day why we took so long to bring the site back up, I’d simply respond with “eh, shoulda RTFM.” 

RTFM indeed. 

P.S. A few hours later, John, our General Counsel, stopped by my cubicle to ask me something. The day before I apparently gave him a sealed envelope and asked him to store it in his safe for 24 hours without explaining myself. He wanted to know what to do with it now that 24 hours have passed. 

Ha. I forgot all about it, but in a bout of “what if it doesn’t work” paranoia, I printed out the base64-encoded master key when we had generated it the night before, stuffed it into an envelope, and gave it to John for safekeeping. We shredded it together without opening and laughed about what would have never actually been a company-ending event. 

P.P.S. If you are thinking of all the ways this whole SSS design is horribly insecure (it had some real flaws for sure) and plan to poke around PayPal to see if it might still be there, don’t. While it served us well for a few years, this was the very first thing eBay required us to turn off after the acquisition. Pretty sure it’s back to a single passphrase now. 

Notes:

1: a member of Chicagoland sci-fi fan community let me know that the original news of our move to the US was delivered to them via a posted letter, snail mail, not FidoNet email! 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being condescending towards an asexual kid in GSA?

🙃🏳️‍🌈 to find later

Long post so buckle up.

I (17, they/it/he) am one of three co-leaders of my school’s GSA, along with R (18, she/her) and N (17, he/him). All three of us are openly bi, and I’m also openly trans and (most importantly) very loudly aromantic. We’re all in 12th grade now but we were leaders last year (in 11th grade) too. The school/GSA is small enough that all four grades (9–12, so around 13–18 years old) are in the same GSA, there’s no separate upper grade and lower grade groups. We also have two advisors, both cis queer teachers; and some younger queer faculty members also join sometimes for formal events. We take turns running events during club time, such as fun crafts or watching music videos. Sometimes we also do educational stuff or documentaries, including having teachers come in to facilitate discussions.

I’ve been planning (since early December) to run a two part series of discussions about asexuality and aromanticism (separate discussions of each). I really just wanted to do one day about aromanticism, but R said that if I did that, people would derail it and just talk about asexuality anyways, which both N and our advisors also agreed made sense. So, it’s two days, and the asexuality one is first so that the aromanticism one can be closer to Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week (ASAW).

There’s a girl in GSA, let’s call her A (16, she/her), who’s in 11th grade. She’s very socially awkward and if someone points out that she’s accidentally said something rude or offensive she’ll make a big deal out of not knowing and generally derail the conversation. Also, two years ago A made a ton of “jokes” about me and my little sibling (16MtF) being “secretly dating.” When I asked her (politely at first) to stop, she said she was just joking around, and kept doing it. I asked her again and also asked the theatre teacher and school counselor for help, and eventually she did stop. But A kept following me around and trying to be friends with me, and I was super uncomfortable to the point that I asked the school counselor to facilitate a conversation between A and I so that I could ask her to fucking stop. It somewhat worked. Now she still keeps trying to start conversations with me in the hallways and such, but I just brush her off or ignore her.

The one place I can’t do that is during GSA. Since I’m a leader, I have to be civil to everyone and actually talk to people (R, N, and I set norms at the start of the year during our planning meetings). A is asexual but not aromantic, and today she showed up like 5 minutes into lunch (cafeteria lines are annoying) and loudly asked if she was late. We weren’t doing anything in GSA today, just chilling. At some point during the meeting I announced casually that next week we’d be discussing asexuality, and then the week after that we’d talk about aromanticism, which leads nicely into ASAW during February break. When I said this, A immediately said that she would be extra ace that week [during ASAW]. I was like, “during aromantic spectrum awareness week?!?!” in the same tone of that “during pride month?!?!” meme. She looked like someone had just given her an F on the most important test of the year and said she hadn’t known.

I also made a comment about how there’s way more openly aspec people at our school than at most schools, and N said that maybe the presence of role models is part of that (clear subtext: he was referring to me). I said pretty loudly (more people could hear) that it was kinda funny that I’m the “ace role model” when I’m literally not asexual. A looked super lost and confused at this, and I think she might’ve thought I was ace, even though I’m super open about not being ace, and have told her directly more than once.

Here’s where the potential assholery comes into play. There’s an ad for PrEP that was fairly common on the back covers of theatre playbills in the past year. The ad shows a Black man dressed in ripped leggings with fishnets, shiny knee-length heeled leather boots, and some sort of white leather harness, doing a bridge pose with one leg extended upwards so that the “r” in PrEP is resting on the sole of the boot. The ad has a bright red background and text that says “you cast of PrEP options is changing” along with a small QR code and website link. The pose is somewhat provocative, but not out of place on a playbill for an all-ages show.

During GSA, A was saying that she thought the ad was bad, because of the leather being “fetish gear” and “weird” (basically the same arguments people use to say that gay people shouldn’t be allowed in public). I told A that there’s nothing wrong with someone wearing leather, and she said that “it’s fetish gear and that’s disgusting and degenerate and just bad advertising!”

I explained calmly, like I would to a child (although I probably wouldn’t talk about this topic with a child), that PrEP is a medicine that people take if they anticipate having sex with someone who’s HIV-positive, so it’s okay that the ad is somewhat suggestive. She seemed to accept that, but still said that the leather was weird, and the ad should’ve shown “a diverse group of people getting pills at a pharmacy” instead, because “fetish gear” was too much.

I asked if she thought that all leather clothing was inherently fetishistic, to which A said yes, and then I asked, “do you know that people can’t just choose fetishes?”

She hadn’t known that, but she still said the ad was too sexual. I pointed out that it was a fairly well-targeted advertisement, using theatre references, but maybe A was not part of the target demographic. I also said that sometimes outfits are just hot without there needing to be any fetishes involved, which she didn’t refute, and that even if it was a fetish, that wouldn’t make it inherently “bad” or “degenerate” at all.

A said that she still didn’t like it, and I told her that she was entitled to have whatever feelings she wanted to have, but that doesn’t mean the advertisement itself is a problem.

Another person (17, he/him) called out “[OP], what do you think about kink at pride?” in a sort of nonchalant way, so I walked over while saying “i’m pro–kink at pride.” The conversation eventually moved in other directions, and then club ended and we had to go to our next classes.

TL;DR: given my position of power and responsibility as a GSA leader, AITA for being kinda condescending towards an ace person who’s 2 years younger than me because she was being very sex-negative about an ad for PrEP?

What are these acronyms?

[bluedogxl]

holy fucking shit i just got done with doctor4t’s latest content smp video. now i thought i’d never get invested enough in any sort of minecraft smp to feel the need to post about it but my god. i get it. i sat down to a 3-and-a-half hour minecraft smp slash modmaking video and it handed me my ass and a box of tissues.

(uhh. spoilers under the cut. also a lot of rambling i just have a lot to say about silly block game guy #8247247)

r4t usually being casual and jokey about the lore and story of the server is kind of what made him fun to watch, to me? like it’s obvious he cares about it, but he’s just detached enough to make him, well… approachable? i guess, as a casual viewer. a good on-ramp. i mean, his grudge with arathain (the thing tying him to basically everything in the story) started over netherite spawn rates of all things. it never felt too dense. and it’s fun to see him scheme over his revenge plots and code mods to facilitate them, but it was obvious it was all a game to him. he has fun with the lore (see the anchorblade video) but it feels like an excuse to make cool mods and play some good minecraft.

at the end of this one? holy fucking shit. i was actually about to start crying in empathy.

r4t lost basically his best friend. she sacrificed her life to save his, the same way he sold his soul to save her, and she’s gone. her anchorblade, too, easily the most significant symbol of their friendship and the tool that she used to save him, was taken or erased by a glitch or something, and the whole time he’s processing it and snapping at arathain (who’s here again? somehow?) and dragging her skull back to the cabin and building her grave and mourning her, he just… felt like he stopped doing a bit and became fully immersed in his world. the way he says how he didn’t really take the other deaths seriously, and then calls himself a monster? killed me. pronounced me goddamn stone dead. this man has acting chops. this man, for a whole like ten minutes, truly had me mourning someone who was banned from a minecraft server like she was actually six feet in the ground.

and just. the way it’s put together. so beautiful. the man’s a master of editing. i kept noticing throughout the whole thing that the portal transitions were getting so smooth. and i mean, it’s nothing super flashy or anything. it’s just… good, and solid.

to be honest, i think the video’s length helped sell it all for me. time and time again, dramatic turn after dramatic turn, we see these low points, and yeah they suck, but then you check the bar and there’s still like an hour left and you go ‘aw man i wonder how they’re gonna get out of this one!’ and then you get to lux dying, and you see r4t build her grave and bawl his eyes out and you check the bar and there’s minutes. this is the end of the book. this is the note we’re leaving off on. like, there’s still more to do. blake’s out there still, arathain’s back(?), asai is apparently in on this (i just remembered r4t offhandedly mentioning asai being on with winsweep what the fuuuuckkkkk), and so on and so forth. but that’s for next time. today’s chapter is over. get out of the theater. for some reason that just made it all hit harder.

god at the end of the day i just love this insane goddamn soap opera of a minecraft server. how did this happen to me i just wanted to see funny maid rat guy make silly mods to blow up his friends

[cyberl6ve]

𝐀𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌 ─ 𝟏

CHECK MASTERLIST FOR OTHER CHAPTERS !!

⋆⭒˚.⋆꩜ .ᐟᯓ★

જ⁀➴ : It all started at a vibrant birthday party. Y/N L/N catches sight of Chris Sturniolo from across the room. Drawn to his easy charm and magnetic presence, she decides to make the first move, knowing he was the biggest heartthrob on social media. With a confident smile, Y/N approaches Chris and introduces herself. Their conversation flows effortlessly, and they exchange numbers before parting ways. In the weeks that follow, their connection deepens, evolving from playful teasing to a genuine and exciting romance.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ STORY CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT !! ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

⊱ ۫ ׅ ✧ : 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐲 𝐚𝐬 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲. Brightly colored balloons bobbed above the crowd, reflecting the vibrant atmosphere. Glancing around, I noticed a few familiar faces— fellow influencers and content creators.

As I approached, Larray turned, noticing my approach. His face broke into a warm smile, and he flung his arms open wide. “Y/N!” he exclaimed, pulling me into a tight hug.

“You made it!” he beamed, holding me at arm's length and eyeing me up and down with approval. “And you look stunning, as usual.”

I chuckled, taking in Larray's effortlessly stylish appearance. “Look at you, though,” I teased, “looking great as always.”

He preened, running a hand through his hair. “Oh, you know me. Always looking fabulous.”

Larray looped his arm through mine, steering me deeper into the party. “Come on,” he urged, “let's find you something to drink and introduce you to some people.”

As we navigated the crowd, Larray effortlessly started introducing me to various influencers and online personalities. Despite my introverted nature, he seamlessly facilitated connections, his social butterfly skills never failing to impress.

He continued to lead me through the party, occasionally pointing out someone noteworthy or sharing a funny anecdote. Despite the seemingly endless introductions, my eyes continued to scan the room, searching for a particular face among the sea of recognizable YouTube stars.

As we stood to gather some refreshments, Larray paused, his attention diverted by someone beckoning at him from across the room. “Hold up,” he said, lightly patting my arm. “I'll be back in a sec, gotta say hi to someone real quick.”

I nodded, watching as he expertly maneuvered his way through the crowd, his laughter and banter punctuating the air. With Larray momentarily away, I stood alone, nursing a drink and feeling a flutter of anticipation in my stomach.

As I took a sip of my drink, my eyes involuntarily flicked across the room, and there he was— Chris Sturniolo, the heartthrob known for gracing my social media feeds. Despite not knowing him personally, I had heard countless stories from Larray, who seemed to have connection with the Sturniolo Triplets.

As I stood there, my mind flashed back to the countless times Larray and I had watched the triplets' videos together. Their unique blend of humor and authenticity had always impressed me, and I couldn't help but find Chris especially intriguing.

Larray, being the observant friend he was, would often tease me about catching my eye whenever Chris appeared on screen. Today, I had no idea that fate was about to bring us face to face.

The realization dawned on me that tonight I would actually come face to face with the man who had captured my attention through the screen. The thought sent a flutter of excitement through me, mingling with a hint of nervous anticipation. Finishing the last sip of my drink, I placed the empty glass on a nearby table, steeling myself for the unexpected encounter that loomed ahead.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted as Larray reappeared at my side, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “You were checking out Chris, weren't you?” he teased, bumping my shoulder lightly.

I rolled my eyes at Larray's remark, playfully swatting his arm. “Since when did you suddenly reappear?” I retorted, my tone tinged with feigned annoyance.

Unfazed by my response, Larray chuckled and pointed an accusing finger at me. “Don't ignore my question. You were totally eyeing him, weren't you?” he teased, a knowing grin plastered on his face.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” I said, trying to sound innocent while avoiding Larray's piercing gaze. He was always one step ahead of me. I crossed my arms, attempting to appear nonchalant despite the flutter in my chest.

Larray chuckled, leaning in closer to whisper, “Oh, come on. I saw you checking him out. You were practically drooling.” He grinned mischievously, clearly enjoying my discomfort.

I protested adamantly, a mix of denial and mock offense in my voice. “No, I wasn't,” I said, shaking my head and trying to brush it off.

Larray chuckled, unable to resist his teasing nature. “You sure about that? You got a little drool over here, sweetheart,” he joked, his finger pointing at the corner of his own mouth.

I followed his finger to the corner of his mouth, and realization dawned on me - he was messing around with me. I couldn’t help but burst into laughter, shaking my head at his antics.

“You're ridiculous,” I said, still chuckling as I playfully slapped his arm.

Larray smirked, his eyes shining with mischief. “But you love me,” he teased, before adding, “You should go introduce yourself, you know.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help the faint flush creeping onto my cheeks at the suggestion. “Easier said than done,” I muttered, feeling a mixture of excitement and nerves.

Larray, sensing my hesitation, gave me an encouraging nudge. “Come on, this is probably your only chance. Go say hi.”

My heart pounded in my chest, but Larray's supportive words gave me a burst of courage. I took a deep breath, straightening my shoulders and silently praying I wouldn't embarrass myself.

“Alright, I'll do it,” I said, taking a step forward. “But if I make a fool of myself, it's all your fault.”

Larray flashed a reassuring smile, his words of encouragement calming my nerves. “What could go wrong?” he said, his tone filled with genuine reassurance. “You're beautiful, kind, caring, sweet, bold, confident, and pretty hot too. You got this, don't worry.”

His words echoed in my mind, bolstering my self-assurance. I knew I could do this.

With Larray's words of encouragement echoing in my ears, I summoned my confident demeanor and mentally prepared myself. Drawing in a deep breath, I squared my shoulders and began to make my way through the crowd, steadily approaching Chris and his two brothers.

I approached the trio, my heart rate picking up as I mustered my courage. I smiled at Chris, meeting his eyes directly. “You must be Christopher, right?” I inquired, holding out my hand.

Chris returned my smile, his touch warm and firm as he shook my hand. “Yeah, you can call me Chris, though. No need to be formal,” he replied, his voice friendly and inviting.

I turned to the other two brothers, feeling more at ease with each introduction. I extended my hand to the one on the left, his resemblance to Chris unmistakable. “You must be Matt,” I said, smiling as he shook my hand.

Next, I shifted my focus to the brother on the right. “And you must be Nick,” I continued, offering my hand.

The brothers returned my smile, each shaking my hand confidently. Matt spoke up first. “That's right,” he confirmed, his eyes warm and welcoming.

Nick nodded, his dimpled smile brightening. “You got it,” he chimed in, his charming demeanor putting me at ease.

I continued to chat with the brothers, feeling more relaxed as the conversation flowed naturally. “It's great to finally meet you,” I said, smiling warmly. “Larray talks about you guys a lot— good things, of course.”

The siblings chuckled, seemingly accustomed to Larray's praises. Chris spoke up, his tone lighthearted. “Oh, really?” he said, a hint of playful sarcasm in his voice. “He hasn't told us anything bad yet?”

I chuckled along with them, amused by their casual banter. “Well, to be fair, I don't think he has anything bad to say about you,” I replied, grinning. “He speaks highly of all three of you.”

The brothers exchanged amused glances, clearly pleased by my words. Nick, with his charming grin, piped up curiously, “How did you know about us?”

“Well, I knew who you were first,” I said, gesturing towards Chris playfully. “I've seen you all over my feed on social media and since Larray knows pretty much every creator in LA, I asked him if he knew who you were, and he said you were a triplet. So, he told me your guys' names, and I started matching faces with names. We even watched some of your guys' videos together.”

I continued, expressing my admiration for their close bond as brothers. “I have to admit, I really admire how strong your brother bond is,” I said, my tone sincere. “It's refreshing to see such a positive and supportive relationship on social media, and it adds an extra layer of uniqueness to your content.”

The brothers seemed genuinely touched by my words, their smiles becoming more heartfelt. Chris spoke up, his voice warm. “Thank you,” he said, nodding appreciatively. “We always try to keep our content authentic and entertaining, and our bond as brothers definitely helps bring an extra element to it all.”

Nick chimed in playfully, his characteristic charm on full display. “Yeah, as annoying as they can be,” he teased, jabbing an elbow lightly into Chris's side, “they're not the worst brothers a guy could ask for.”

I chuckled at Nick's playful jab, but before I could respond, Larray suddenly appeared, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and Chris's. His easygoing nature instantly filled the air with a light-hearted atmosphere.

Larray gave both Chris and me a friendly squeeze, a cheeky grin on his face. “How's the interaction going?” he chimed in, his tone laced with playful curiosity.

The brothers chuckled, seeming entertained by Larray's presence. Chris responded with a smirk. “It's going great,” he replied, his eyes flickering between Larray and me. “Just getting to know each other a bit better.”

The evening went on, with everyone chatting and enjoying each other's company. Eventually, it was time to sing happy birthday to Larray, so a small crowd gathered around, singing loudly and joyfully as he smiled and pretended to be embarrassed.

Matt and Nick made their way to get drinks, leaving Chris and I alone. I glanced at my phone and realized it was getting late.

“I'm gonna head out before it gets too late,” I said, watching his expression carefully.

Chris gave me a friendly smile. “We should hangout sometime,” he suggested, his tone casual. “You know, get to know each other better.”

I smirked, unable to resist a little teasing. “Are you asking for my number?”

Chris chuckled, seeming amused by my playful response. “Maybe I am,” he admitted, his eyes sparkling with a hint of mischief. “It doesn’t hurt to try though”

I chuckled at his straightforwardness, admiring his confidence. I grabbed his phone and swiftly typed my number into his contacts. Handing it back to him, I teased, “I suppose I'll hear from you soon?”

Chris grinned, accepting his phone back and looking at the new contact with a mix of satisfaction and slight surprise. “You definitely will,” he replied, his tone slightly flirty. “I won't waste any time.”

My heart raced at the subtle hint of flirting in his words. I couldn't help but enjoy the banter between us. “I'll see you around then,” I said, offering him a parting smile.

Chris returned my smile, his eyes locking with mine for a moment longer than necessary before pulling away. “Definitely,” he agreed, his voice still friendly but with an undertone of something more. “I’ll text you.”

I nodded, a mix of anticipation and excitement coursing through me. Before parting ways, I added, “Tell the other two I said bye, and it was nice meeting them as well.”

I waved bye to Chris and was about to head towards the exit when Larray suddenly caught up to me, his expression playful.

“You're not ditching me already, are you?” he teased, a smirk on his face.

I chuckled at Larray's smirk, replying, “I have to, it's getting late.”

Larray's expression grew even more mischievous as he leaned against the wall. “So, how was it?” he asked, clearly hinting at my interaction with Chris.

I couldn't help but smile at his question. “I got his number, he said he would text me later,” I admitted, trying to hide my excitement.

Larray chuckled, his teasing evident. “Oh, really? Someone's excited,” he teased.

I rolled my eyes playfully and jokingly hit Larray's arm, unable to resist his teasing. “Shut up.” I said, attempting to sound annoyed, but a smile tugged at the corner of my lips, betraying my true feelings.

I finally let out a sigh, realizing I really did need to leave. “But seriously, I gotta go,” I said, reluctantly admitting it.

Larray wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug, expressing his gratitude. “Thanks for coming,” he said, his voice sincere.

“I had a great time,” I replied, returning his hug and appreciating his support. “It was fun.”

As we pulled away from the hug, Larray gave me a reassuring smile. “Text me when you get home, okay?” he said, his tone protective.

I nodded, touched by his concern. “Of course, I will. See you soon,” I assured him, giving a small wave.

With a final goodbye, I made my way toward the exit, leaving Larray behind.

I arrived at home, parking my car in the garage and stepping into my house. As I closed the door behind me, my phone suddenly buzzed, a message notification illuminating the screen.

“Hey, it's chris”

© CYBERL6VE

[zhaohuis-lost-walnut]

Shen Zechuan’s Softness

[mild spoilers for all qjj]

In the final chapter, there’s a lil snippet where Shen Zechuan thinks he only shows his softness to Xiao Chiye. While I’m aware the softness he refers to in that moment is the completely unguarded, walls down, crazy balls to walls obsessing. But it made me think once again about how negatively Shen Zechuan views himself and how soft and thoughtful he truly is.

In a recent post where I scream about Yao Wenyu and Shen Zechuan’s friendship, I mentioned the renovations Shen Zechuan had made to his residence so Yao Wenyu could get around easier. No one told him to do that. He noticed a inconvenience, and addressed it. Shen Zechuan is perceptive and tends to give people a helpful nudge. There are so many examples of him doing such in a way that makes me feel like he just can’t help himself.

When he notices Gao Zhongxiong isn’t wearing proper Winter attire, the first question he has is if his salary isn’t sufficient since it makes no sense for a single employed guy to not be able to afford a Winter coat. When Gao Zhongxiong brushes him off and time passes, Shen Zechuan takes initiative, buys clothes for him, and has them delivered to his house 🥺

When Li Xiong is first brought to Cizhou and everyone is trying to hold him back, Shen Zechuan is the first to point out that he’s just a child. While they don’t have many on page interactions, there are things that make it clear that Shen Zechuan has a soft spot for the guy 🥹

This extends to Ding Tao as well in the way he lets those two get away with a lot 🤣 He let’s them eat all the candy they want and doesn’t mind when they play noisily. He’s like a sweet older brother~

And don’t even get me started on when he was handing out porridge outside Chazhou 😭 His guards trying to get him to rest but Shen Zechuan refusing so he can talk to the refugees 🥺 It’s shown time and time again how he really cares about people. Not for his own ego or purely to achieve his goals. He REALLY cares.

While I’m not sure if this is entirely the same, Shen Zechuan was seemingly the only person willing to give Huo Lingyun a chance after his capture. Everyone was, understandably, disturbed by the murders he facilitated. But unlike the others, Shen Zechuan clocked that Huo Lingyun wasn’t just a sadistic maniac and wasn’t completely hostile towards him.

While these are only a few examples, all of them highlight a trait of his that I adore: the way he sees his himself in others and goes on to treat them how he was treated by those he loves or better than he was by those who didn’t. He takes care of Yao Wenyu, he treasures the children’s youthful joy, he saw the human beneath their pain in Huo Lingyun, he didn’t ask questions and supported Gao Zhongxiong, and much much more.

I often joke to myself about how cezhou is literally two of the scariest people in Dazhou dating. But I think it’s also funny how, while they’re both scary in their own right, as long as you don’t piss Shen Zechuan off (which takes a lot btw) he’s such a chill guy.

Shen Zechuan is one of my favorite characters ever. Gonna go shove him in my pocket✨

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I’m so sorry if this question is ignorant or stupid I really just want to understand so I can become educated. When someone is asexual would they still gain something from reading explicit fic scenes? Again sorry if I’m ignorant

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

SO SORRY it took so long to reply to this one... Kind of started and then it got forgotten, and I am sorry for that. No better time than Ace Awareness Week to help you understand!!

So, short answer to your question, is YES, SOME aces do, whether to facilitate in self-pleasure, or because seeing their faves happy, or as placeholders because some aces take pleasure-by-proxy, or a variety of other reasons, it just simply makes some of us happy. You'd be surprised how many of those smutty authors are actually ace themselves. It's one of those funny misconceptions that aces are all woobie-uwu-innocent-pure-thoughts-only magical creatures, and I'm here to shatter that illusion... Aces are some of the smuttiest-minded people you will ever meet. Why, I have no idea, maybe it's because we don't fantasize about sex the same way allos do that we can come up with increasingly hornier ideas? LOL No idea.

The thing about asexuality is that it's a HUGE spectrum, and no one ace is exactly the same. A sex-negative ace might get something out of reading smut because it's not involving them. Or they might not at all. Same with sex-positive/neutral aces. It's ALL a matter of what makes us tick.

BUT here's where I go into my LONG answer, and get you REALLY into the Ace Lore™.

I want to introduce you to the microlabel of Aegosexuality (formerly autochorisexuality), which is a term that loosely translates to "sexuality with oneself". The expanded definition, from the Sexuality Wiki, bolding is mine:

It is [...] a disconnect between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacks desire to be an actual participant in the sexual activities therein.

Aegosexuals are known to:

Become aroused by sexual content (at times) without wanting to personally engage in sexual activities.

Masturbate, but feel neutral or repulsed by the idea of having sex with another person.

Fantasize about sex (with varying frequency), but envision people other than themselves, and/or view it in third person, as if watching it on TV, instead of imagining it in the first person, through their own eyes.

Predominantly—or exclusively—fantasize about fictional characters or celebrities in place of people they know personally.

Identify as asexual, feeling little-to-no sexual attraction to people though enjoy masturbating (with varying frequency), are aroused by sexually explicit content, and/or fantasizing of such.

[/end quote]

====

Basically, smut turns them on, but some aces don't want to engage in the smut for-reals. This microlabel makes it ESPECIALLY confusing for newly-figured-out-aces because there hasn't been a lot of information about asexuality's huge spectrum until recently. Aegosexuals can initially believe that they AREN'T ace, BECAUSE they get turned on by porn or smutty stories, but then they're SUPER confused because the idea of having sex themselves is appalling or undesirable. It's a bizarre contradiction, understandably, to outsiders, but it makes COMPLETE sense once an ace figures this out, I promise you.

This is the microlabel I myself fall under. It's not from any trauma or past problems or medical issues. It's just me. That's it. And because of the confusion that this sexuality can bring, it often takes us a LOT longer to have ourselves figured out. For me, it was an accidental stumbling upon the "autochorisexual" label (before it became Aegosexual) and reading up on it that EVERYTHING fell into place. Before that, I thought I was maybe demisexual. After learning about it, I felt okay FINALLY calling myself ace, that I finally found the "right fit" for me. It was the piece of the puzzle that I was missing. I felt really liberated of my self-doubt after that.

And, of course, aros have their version as well called Aegoromantic, which is exactly the same but in a romantic sense.

Here are some more resources for Aegosexuality, if you'd like to learn more about this lesser-known branch on the spectrum:

What Does It Mean to Be Aegosexual? (Cosmopolitan US || November 24, 2022)

WHAT IS AEGOSEXUAL? MEANING, HISTORY, AND USAGE. (Gayety.co ||July 11, 2022)

History of Aegosexuality (The Michigan Gayly || February 1, 2021)

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TOO KNOW ABOUT AEGOSEXUALITY (Live Love LGBTQ+ Blog || October 27, 2017)

VIDEO: 5 Signs You Might Be Aegosexual (Lynn Saga, YouTube || August 6, 2022 || 6m20s)

VIDEO: What is Aegosexuality? | Aspec 101 (Slice Of Ace, YouTube || July 15, 2022 || 3m54s)

VIDEO: Asexual Identities: Aegosexuality (Ace Dad Advice, YouTube || May 22, 2022 || 12m27s)

====

AGAIN, I'm SO sorry I put this ask off for SO long, but I'm glad that I did, so that I could educate you guys on my brand of Asexuality during Ace Awareness Week!

And, finally, no offence taken at ALL! I LOVE educating y'all about stuff I learned through my journey, and you were very respectful in your ask :)

Hope you are well, Nonny, and hope you're still here to see this 🖤💜

[ckret2]

For those of you that still wanna try to meet my impossibly high standards for some reason, I'm still taking title suggestions but here's the updated criteria:

MANDATORY: must include the word Goldilocks, or a "Goldilocks" pun that's SO OBVIOUS it's nigh impossible to NOT hear it. If you have to stretch to hear it, it fails. If there's an unrelated word inserted between "gold" and "lock," fail.

MANDATORY: The Goldilocks reference must be about the Goldilocks principle, the Goldilocks zone, or something else like that and NOT about Bill or the fairy tale. If it's a Goldilocks & the Three Bears reference, automatic fail. If the word "Goldilocks" is being used to refer to Bill, Bill's appearance, Bill's name, Bill's ANYTHING, automatic fail.

"I don't feel like it should be mandatory. It wouldn't bother me if the title doesn't meet these criteria." It's not your title. Please don't send me asks like that, I didn't put those points up for negotiation.

Has to sound like it's about THIS fic. Think of a random different "human Bill's stuck in Gravity Falls and gets a redemption arc" fic. Could the title describe that fic just as well? It's out. Here's the general themes I've thought of if u wanna muse over them.

Bonus points if it's a funny/punny reference to some other phrase in a way that sounds like it would fit in as a Gravity Falls episode title; double major bonus points if the reference actually fits this fic.

The subjective points that still stand from the first criteria list: interesting enough to intrigue new readers; easy to remember (not too long/complicated); actually sounds like a title.

Short & snappy. If you read the title once, left for an hour, and tried to remember it, would you be likely to remember it word-for-word? Is it built in a way that facilitates being easy to remember (like, built on a common phrase or distinctive words)? Or are there a bunch of little prepositions & phrases that risk getting changed or getting their order swapped or left out?

Gotta be better at meeting these criteria than "Wasting Away Again in the Goldilocks Zone" is.

The rigid criteria list isn't to be a demanding dick; it's because I know y'all are nicely volunteering help and I don't want you to generously spend your time brainstorming helpful suggestions that I already know I wouldn't take. If you read all that and go "dang! I wanted to suggest something but I can't think of anything that fits," 1) i appreciate that you wanted to help and that's okay you're not obligated to send anything; and 2) you and i are in this boat together 🤝

Mainly I've still got my fingers crossed to the last minute that some stranger will come into my inbox like "lo, the gentle hand of the Greek Muse of Cartoon Fanfiction Titles has touched my mind, and like a prophet I pass this message on to you." Otherwise I don't expect much.

[misc-obeyme]

a threesome with solomon and luci would be insane... as long as lucifer doesn't kick solomon out for being annoying

Ah, noticed my tags on this post huh?

The thing is, I just think the Solomon and Lucifer relationship is really really funny. So throw in getting sexy with MC and the hilarity ramps up significantly. Plus can you imagine if it was a condition for Lucifer to make a pact with both MC and Solomon???

I really think Lucifer would only make a pact with Solomon if it was the only way to get a pact with MC. Like MC just says it's all or nothing, buddy.

Lucifer would refuse for a while, but I think he'd cave eventually.

Then MC hits him with the oh yeah and a threesome lol.

He'd be so angry. Solomon would probably be like as fun as it is to troll Lucifer, I'm a little concerned for my own well being.

I like to think of it as MC being sly. Both Lucifer and Solomon are not exactly thrilled with the idea, but they're also not against it and if that's what MC wants, then okay.

But then it turns out they're inexplicably attracted to each other and MC mostly just gets to watch them with a smug expression.

More description and NSFW MDNI below the read more (it's mild nothing super explicit).

It starts when Lucifer sees all of Solomon's pact marks for the first time. He can't help but be turned on by the sight of all that power just casually displayed on Solomon's skin.

And Solomon can feel him looking. It's making his limbs tingle. He's suddenly a little shy and can't meet Lucifer's eyes.

MC is just sitting on Lucifer's bed (because you know he would insist on this happening on his own turf), watching them with a little smile.

Lucifer clears his throat and turns to MC, trying to make it seem like he's only interested in them anyway.

MC can see them just struggling with the fact that they're more interested in each other than they want to be, so they kinda step in and facilitate things.

It's easier for both of them if MC is in the middle, you know? Then they can pretend to themselves that it's about them.

I suspect at some point, Solomon does annoy Lucifer, who absolutely threatens to kick him out, but MC is able to redirect him before he does.

After that, things are never the same between those two. And everybody else is like what's going on with them? Meanwhile MC is just like huh who can say? LOL I'm so sorry this is such a crackship but it's just so funny to me, I can't help myself.

[bleue-flora]

tbh to me c!sapnap is on the same level of betraying c!dream as c!sam. It may seem far-fetched considering what c!sam did and considering we don't have much real lore content with c!sapnap or c!dreamnap, but when you look at what we DO have, it's kind of a picture

like, he's not just some stupid or short-sighted character, as it might seem at first glance - we have a ton of evidence that he understands perfectly well that prison makes c!dream physically and mentally ill, but he agrees with it. In the dialogue with c!michael he literally says "dream fucked up, prison fucked him up in another sense, but it doesn't matter, cause dream has to get better and become *my* dream again, let him stay in prison and improve, even if it breaks him idc", like wtf is this? funny, but at the same time, c!sapnap doesn't visit dream more than once, how will he know that c!dream is making progress? In c!sapnap's head, prison is supposed to be a rehabilitation for c!dream, only no one checks his progress in stopping being a "fucked up", he either sits there completely alone or people go there to hurt him and c!sapnap understands and acknowledged it, but he doesn't give a shit. I'm sorry, but this gives off sam's "I thought I broke his will to do something like that". He obviously doesn't care about c!dream and just wants his good old *convenient* friend, and he doesn't care about the consequences.

But he's not just passively harming c!dream, he's doing it actively. If the threat could still be interpreted as an emotional outburst, something he could say and regret, then his other actions clearly say the opposite. Like, the dude literally stalked and harassed c!dream for months after he found out where he lived??

The revival book was more important to him than torture. Even in the beginning, he didn't care about c!dream's reputation, when c!wilbur and c!tommy dragged it into the dirt for no reason, and he repeatedly went against c!dream or supported things that directly harmed c!dream. For me, one of the most telling scenes is c!sapnap and c!george's meeting with mexican dream's ghost, where c!sapnap, without any reason, pins the explosion of El Rapids on c!dream, and then, when he finds out that actually c!quackity was the one who did it, c!sapnap immediately says that they urgently need to go and find out why he did it, to check if he's okay and all that. This is literally the attitude you'd expect from c!tommy, to attribute every bad event to c!dream, but no, this is his so-called best friend! And of course, he only wants to know the reasons for an action when someone else does a bad action, but not c!dream - well, of course, cause it's clear that c!dream reasons are "being evil" or smth.

So, I've been in my c!sapnap hate arc for over two years now and you all should join me lmao

I didn't think I'd write SO much, but emotions took over after reading the new chapter of your fic and some of your posts, sorry abt that :"^

[context a & b]

Honestly, in my opinion his betrayal is almost worse than Sam’s, which is saying something since he literally enabled and facilitated daily torture. But like Sam wasn’t Dream’s self proclaimed brother, and at least Sam’s delusion kinda makes sense. Sapnap is just like - the chicken tastes rubbery and overcooked, so I put it in the oven and then it tasted burnt, so I put it back in the oven to help the taste and at some point I’ll take it out of the oven and then it’ll taste good again. No idea how long that’ll take, and no don’t be ridiculous I’m not gonna check on it. I swear though if anyone touches my chicken before it tastes good again like so much as removes it from the oven or seasons it I’m gonna throw it in the trash… vs Sam who’s like - the chicken tastes rubbery but I spent money on it so I’m gonna put it in the oven and turn it to charcoal so at least then it won’t be a complete waste…

ya know? Like at least Sam was corrupted by power, financial benefit, manipulated a bit, and had the blood of a “child” on his hands. Sapnap doesn’t even have that, he has a life long best friend who he heard made a speech about not caring about anything and then later a speech about wanting to control everyone, a fish in a item frame and a letter saying “thanks for visiting”…

Well I don’t know about the “even if it breaks him” I don’t think he is thinking that directing about Dream’s suffering if that makes sense, but Sapnap is delusional no doubt. I also don’t know if he even cares that much about the book in general, he just doesn’t seem to given a damn about the torture. He seems to really just be about the fear of what Dream might do and how he needs to be stopped before that.

And you do have a point, in the beginning even as his “brother” he on many occasions went against him, down to the very first disc war where they killed him multiple times. I mean if Sapnap weren’t American, he’d have probably been right alongside clingy duo in L’manberg and stuff… oh I had no idea about the El Rapids thing but am also not surprised…

What do you even mean, I am literally an engineer of this Sapnap hate train 🚂 choo choo! I be shoveling coal to keep this engine running ya know. like literally the more lore I watch the more he actually just kills me.

but anyways, I mean you read the chapter (and presumably the one before) so you know my thoughts on Sapnap lol. ;D

[dballzposting]

It's just that well simply put Gohan didnt have any time to himself ever. There was always bullshit happening. Then Goku died and Goten was born and Gohan had to keep his mother from falling apart and his baby brother healthy and happy. And it's rewarding work. But yknow

When he wasn't tending to the baby or helping with other domestic chores, he was in his room studying. It's nice to learn about the world he fought so hard to save. It's also nice to not have to have a relationship with his body (as with fighting) so that it's easier to dissociate from all the bullshit. Academia was a lifeline out. It was also a definitive "good" thing to be doing. It was also an escape. And also a source of the stress that he's so accustomed to. And yknow. Maybe the letters started to dance on the page after a while. A life unlived will find life in other places. Maybe the historical figures were his friends. Maybe he memorized chemicals like one would memorize constellations. Maybe different mathematical functions began to represent and facilitate different experiences of emotion. You know how it is

I mean maybe not. Maybe he got out enough and was present enough to not dip into that. If his time alone was really that needed, then I imagine that he would get angry if interrupted; but I don't imagine that he snapped often when his mother called him to attention or when his brother needed something from him. I think that he finds fulfillment and peace in his family and he wants to be there with them. But I think that he also finds habits of repression or self-denial.

I'm not saying that he represses all of his anger, because he doesn't. What he does repress is infinite amounts of survival rage. What he doesn't repress - and what seems like he's not even aware of when he expresses it - is sharp annoyance. A mild example would be when he snapped at Goten for bothering him during his training, which was super funny. A more poignant example is Every Time Somebody Insults his Great Saiyaman Persona somehow. First he was interjecting into his classmates' (strangers!) conversation to correct their misnaming of the new hero, and he didn't seem to notice how rude his tone was or how surprised his classmates were. Then later he stopped two reckless drivers, and they made fun of his goofy persona, and Gohan (without resistance) just threw a petulant fit - and he did not seem to notice how he was Destroying The Road by stamping his foot.

My favorite example was when Krillin told him he looked dumb. I should probably get screenshots. Gohan's Eyebrows Twitched and Reared like Rattlesnakes. And his passive aggression was enough to constituent manslaughter. Masked behind saccharine positivity. It was a vile display. What do YOU know about Fashion, Quiverin..! (<- What we sometimes call Krillin in my house becasue he's always cringing and quivering and being fearful lol.)

OK I didn't get screenshots but I have this timestamped video from the youtube.

And it makes sense that Gohan is super defensive about The Great Saiyaman. It's the first thing that he's gotten to do/be that was up to him.

I understand that Bulma designed the original get-up, but it was still collaborative; it's not like when Chichi dresses him in what she can afford to buy or make, or when Piccolo dresses him in what he himself likes to wear. And Gohan picked the name. He picked the poses. He picked the voice. He picked the personality. He picked the role.

You know that Oscar Wilde quote that goes something like "give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth"? Yeah. There's madness behind that mask.

It's also a very significant time for him because he's for the first time having the opportunity to associate with peers in a consistent way. And he wants so bad to be "normal" and that's also why the mask is so integral and alluring. And he wants to be a normal bloke and make normal friends, but at the same time, he's out of practice without really realizing it; he hasn't come to terms with how in order to make friends, you have to put yourself out there. He thinks that he can simply make friends while hiding himself and lying about everything. And when Videl starts trying to figure out who he is and pry the mask off, it's a horrifying inconvenience. And Gohan just isn't in the habit of receiving well others' companionship, having lived isolated for so long; when Videl makes him teach her how to fly, he's nice to her, but you can tell that he just wants her to leave.

Her insistence on drilling into him is why they become friends and eventually marry, though.

He seems like an optimistic fellow, and his appreciate for life must be sincere, as his history necessitates it - if life sucked, all of that would have been for nought. But remember, for a good seven years it was just him, his mother, and the new baby. No drama or adventure to bring him out into the world. No friends his age that he could connect and evolve with. Just him up there on Mt Paozu stagnating.

There was definitely a lot of goodness and happiness and stargazing and lovely dinners and hanging out with dinosaurs. But there was also a lot of boredom and avoidance and why-is-the-baby-crying and mom-please-put-the-wooden-spoon-down and mom-please-stop-crying and can-i-have-the-time-to-study-unbothered-please and an undercurrent of feeling bogged down that really isn't apparent until you get out and get moving.

Gohan never says this outloud or thinks this definitively, but it's a natural truth, like the wood that a house is made of - he is going to do everything he can to be a good brother and to protect his baby brother. And it's a given, too, that he'll do everything it takes to keep his mother sane and happy, because everybody else shies away from her, and it's SORT OF Gohan's fault that Goku had died, and he very much wants to give back for all of the nurturing that his mother has given him.

And when you want to be a force of Good that badly, it completely turns you away from the parts of you that may be Bad, and encourages you to be afraid of certain feelings or needs.

When Gohan snaps at people out of irritability or defensiveness, it really seems like he doesn't know that he's doing it, and it comes out in the way that a hurt child may just act out. Everything else that is ugly about him just gets buried deep. And that makes him a weirdo. That's what it seems like anyway

[cozza-frenzy]

Update on our situation

Terry here. I'll be honest, I'm only writing this down now things seem to have Stopped Happening so I can kind of take inventory. I haven't had any time to process any of this, so I'm just going to go through Simply Plural and list things. Thanks for bearing with us. It's been an awful couple of weeks.

Fusions Anarchy - Fused with Gadget, who briefly came out of dormancy Bitter - Fused with Mayhem, now goes by He/It/That Bastard (which is still funny to me) Dr. Brewer - Fused with Jeremy and Getter after a long negotiation period, to try and offset the harm they were doing to the system and to each other; seems to have succeeded, sometimes struggles a bit. Retained his identity post-fusion Holiday - Fused with Arcadia, minor changes to in-sys appearance Martin - Fused with Seamus (a new fragment); now carries some memories of our grandparents, no major change in appearance but has taken to using a cane to walk in the Inner World Papyrus - Still around but fused with Deedee (a new fragment); now in charge of "pathfinding" for Chaos' doors, increasing speed and accuracy, and making it easy to form permanent connections between areas of the Inner World Raine - Fused with Sasha, a new introject from The Magnus Archives. She identifies as both names (we sometimes call them Sasha-Raine) and uses She/They Taffy - Still around; lost Celeste's part but fused with Susan, now uses Any/All + Star/Stars Terry - Fused with Exi, I retained my identity and have a few minor changes to my in-sys appearance Returning Celeste - Returned from dormancy, and re-separated from Taffy Dagwood (Partial) - Nathan's part came out of dormancy and began communicating again; they have not re-separated Leaf - Returned from dormancy, re-separated from Raine Mello - Re-separated from Exi after they fused with me, because I'm not able to hold trauma long-term; they seem confident in their ability to tackle this, and want to try fusion again someday New Alters "Apple" (She/Her) - Introject from a source she doesn't want to disclose. In-system therapist; offers a private space for alters to process their feelings while not fronting. Soft-spoken, easily embarrassed, but a good listener Helena (She/They/It) - Brainmade. Aims to uncover repressed desires and counter harmful behaviors related to suppressing them. Uses a lot of italics while typing, speaks her mind, very flirty Hermes (He/They) - Brainmade. In-system "mailman", facilitates communication. Friendly and a little naive, "happy to help" Hex (It/They) - Introject from Discworld. Artificial intelligence that helps manage the library, and keeps an eye on the system's status. Finds human bodily functions to be "weird", can front via a hologram, not usually very emotional but very attached to their favorite teddy bear (anyone who knows its source will know why) Tabitha (She/Her) - Brainmade/"Factive" introject of our late grandparents. Holds memories of them, and is a caregiver to alters of all ages. Your pretty typical "feisty old lady", likes card games and doesn't like to be coddled Tellie (It/None) - Introject from Pendog Creative Library. Seemingly holds our knowledge of how to drive and operate the complex electronics and machines from our various jobs and hobbies. Seems to "hide in the wires" of the Inner World, existing as pure electricity until it makes itself known Yggy (Any/All) - Pronounced "Iggy"; seems to have a connection to the Inner World's giant tree. Sounds a bit like a stereotypical "hippie"; it's able to come and go as he pleases without using doors, and can help identify the source of emotional pain "Zee" (They/Them) - Introject from a source they don't want to disclose. Gender dysphoria holder; a bit jaded, prone to sarcasm, but open to exploration of their own identity, and willing to help others with theirs

I have no idea what our current headcount is, but I'll update it when I have the energy for it. We haven't had anyone show up in the past 48 hours or so, but I'll give it a full week before I decide this whole thing is finally over, and we can start picking up the pieces. Hope everyone's having a happy and safe holiday. I'll try and post something more positive tomorrow, if I have time.

[weebsinstash]

Ok but like

Imagine if there is 1 spider who can tell the difference, a bestie you had that was perhaps the one who was sent to recruit you in the first place, and/or the one who was the first to go on a mission with you, and the first(outside of Miguel because ofc he had to watch and decide to let you join) to go yandere.

And imagine when YT shows they dont care, actively trying to distance themselves from her in any way they can. And they're the only one who can tell the difference, with just even seeing how they walk being enough to know it's not you.

But when they point out that's not you all the other spiders deny it, saying they'd be able to tell the difference without even trying(they cant lmao).

Then YT decides to make they're life hell because how fucking dare this rando try to out her?! So all the spiders bounce back and forth from treating them like shit to treating them how they normally would depending on which you they talk to.

Then when they nearly or they think they kill you they freaking the fuck out, having to be restrained to stop from helping you. Possibly even being degraded for trying to help 'YT', with some even saying they should kick them out of the society after.

Holy shit- imagine if they're the reason you live taking off their's and throwing it to you because they'll just go back to they're universe unlike you.

Or imagine they leave the society after you 'died', possibly even getting kicked out for attempting to attack 'you' in a fit of rage. Only to once back in they're own universe do their best to try and find a way to bring the real you back.

Queue you at your new home or job and what a looks like a hobo bursts in sobbing they're eyes out and calling your name. Tackling you into a hug, insisting their never letting you go and never letting those monsters near you again.

God love all this drama and heartbreak ♥️💕♥️💅

An idea I had thought of was "what if a Spiderperson Reader had been close to had to go do stuff in their own universe and that made them too busy to come and visit and during all the YouTwo drams they're instrumental in saving your ass"

Like for example Peter Porker and Spider Noir are absent from the second movie so say we've got Miguel and the other relevant Spiders are having their weekly "We Love Reader" power hour when Noir descends from above and shares the findings of his investigation, pure detective style, with pictures and everything, or lil Porker can tap into some toonforce shit and just glance at YouTwo and say "haha OK really funny, but where's the real one?"

Say you're good friends with Hobie and he has to "go underground for a lil while" cause he has to focus on fighting the fascists back home, and then he pops up like two months later, you're glitching out because YouTwo just smashed your bracelet and Miguel and tons and tons of other Spiders watching and facilitating and Hobie takes one look at YT, "who's this slag?"

Or, before he takes his trip, he comes to visit you at your apartment, definitely knowing it's you he's speaking to, and YouTwo is in Nueva York and you're starting to get paranoid and you open up to him about all your worries and the weird shit starting to happen, how you're worries about being replaced and how people are coming up to you about things you didn't say or do, and you even suggest a secret password so that the next time he speaks to you, he can know it's really you, and Hobie can tell you're just, absolutely stressed the fuck out about all of this, probably even passes the word on to Gwen and Pav since they're mutual friends to help keep an eye on you while he's gone, and to watch out for YouTwo

Cue Hobie "I hate fascists and tyrants" Brown coming back and you're just glitching all over the place with your bracelet broken on the ground while Miguel and tons of other Spiders are just WATCHING and you see him and immediately start screaming the password and "hobie, don't let them kill me, this is gonna kill me hobie, please help me, i dont wanna die, please i dont want to die" and, obviously best case scenario is "Hobie convinces them that YT is the fake" or "he opens a portal back home, gives you his bracelet, and both of you immediately fuck off to go flee into his home universe" but of course the more chaotic "you vanish and all hell breaks loose, a full on civil war between 'the Reader Loyalists' vs 'the YouTwo beta cucks' and everyone is scrambling to find you while you're off like, hanging out with Miles as he helps heal your trust by being a good little brother or getting creampied by Miguel 2

But like. Lmao. Imagine some shit happens like Reader was good pals with Sun Spider, told her you thought it was really inspiring to see a disabled Spider (and I mean depending on your preference Reader has problems themself) and like. It's a week after you've been "poofed away" and everyone is hanging out at like a celebration party or something just because, so many of then are convinced YT is you which means they're also still being nice as fuck to YT because you had been starting to become depressed and also the whole elevator incident and, everyone's having drinks and snacks and suddenly YT makes this sort of. Comment. It's either something like "who's the Spider in the wheelchair" or something like. Vaguely or super offensive "it's just kind of, awkward, you know, being around one of THOSE people"

And Pav is there and just kind of chuckles because he's confused and YouTwo continues "I just mean, you know. We're kind of better than them, you know? How did a cripple become a Spider?"

Cue everyone in earshot just, like, all but dropping everything in their hands as the realization sweeps over the room, "oh shit that's a fake, the real you is gone"

I imagine until they got caught that YouTwo is an absolute menace. Could suck up to one of the scientist Spidermen to help make bugs and wiretaps to spy on you in your apartment so YT can better impersonate you, intercepting any social plans and showing up in your place, learning personal info, private mannerisms. YT, to be blunt, using sex to control any Spiders who like you thst way to have them make fake alibis or spread rumors or help YT make other helpful connections (who are all also furious when YT is exposed, because, like, for ones who slept with them, dude that's rape, they all thought they were sleeping with someone else. Could you imagine Miguel fucking YT and that's like the first person he's been with since his wife has died and he had meant it to be with you and it actually be some big impactful like extremely emotional thing for him, and it's this massively personal invasion of his privacy and trust that it turned out to be an imposter. He feels dirty and disgusted and, oh my god he GOT RID OF YOU for this, this evil, selfish, manipulative whore

Reader off trying to mind their own goddamn business in their new home, either on their own or New Miguel, and you bump into someone who you USED to consider a friend and, with good intentions they tell the Spider Society you're alive and, it begins this massive manhunt with the intention of bring you "back home". THEY are all super extremely happy, making preparations to throw one big "We're So Sorry We Kind Of Replaced You And Almost Killed You" party, meanwhile YOU are terrified at the sight of any of them because you can't trust them and the Society as a whole anymore and, what if they tried to kill you again?

Miguel: I can't even express how glad I am that you're still alive. We've been looking everywhere for you because we're sorry and--

Reader, shoving bagels into their purse: sorry I have to go

[fatherfigurefusion]

Randomly generating Ultimate Talents for the DRDT cast and ranking them on how fitting they are (V3 Edition):

Teruko Tawaki- Ultimate Maid

6/10: Pretty mixed on the idea. On one hand, Teruko's personality doesn't really owe well to being a maid. On the other hand, the talent can easily factor into her backstory, having to work as a maid in order to avoid living on the streets.

Xander Matthews- Ultimate Cosplayer

7/10: Can kind of see it. Would probably specialize in shonen cosplays.

Eden Tobisa- Ultimate Robot

8/10: A robotic clockwork Eden would be adorable!

Hu Jing- Ultimate Detective

8/10: Yep, I can easily see it. Pretty funny that she got the protagonist's talent last time, so the wheel landed on another protagonist talent.

J Moreno- Ultimate Child Caregiver/Assassin

9/10: They definitely have the Maki-esque personality for it.

Veronika Grebenshchikova - Ultimate Astronaut

9/10: The talent provides the right amount of risk and intrigue to fuel her. Also, Veronika with a galaxy theme would look SO beautiful.

David Chiem- Ultimate Pianist

10/10: I feel as though David's fashion sense (just swap out the star pins for music note pins and it would be perfect) and struggles with the limelight would owe well to an Ultimate Pianist. Similar situation with Hu, in that he had the protagonist's talent in the DR1 edition, and got the (initial) protagonist's talent in this run.

Arturo Giles- Ultimate Entomologist

9/10: A creepy butterfly-pinner aesthetic would honestly fit Arturo very well. Maybe, instead of just ugly people, he just hates people in general, preferring the company of "beautiful" insects.

Levi Fontana- Ultimate Supreme Leader

5/10: Levi Fontana, a notorious pushover, as an Ultimate Supreme Leader? Maybe it could factor into his dark past. I also think Levi could rock the uniform.

Ace Markey- Ultimate Magician

4/10: Can't exactly picture him as a magician.

Min Jeung- Ultimate Tennis Pro

9/10: Tennis seems like the most fitting sport for Min!

Whit Young- Ultimate Adventurer

9/10: It's the Rantaro energy. I can also imagine Whit being able to speak multiple languages, in order to facilitate his communication with others.

Charles Cuevas- Ultimate Artist

8/10: When seeing this prompt, I can't help but imagine Ena Shinonome.

Arei Nageishi- Ultimate Inventor

9/10: Very fitting for her (in terms of personality mostly), but just imagine the "maintenance scene" but it's Areden.

Nico Hakobyan- Ultimate Anthropologist

10/10: This could actually work REALLY well!

Rose Lacroix- Ultimate Aikido Master

8/10: Terrifying prompt: Rose Lacroix, but able to beat someone up.