#for all I know this guy go brrr in the prison

[pinkxpantha]

Mine all Mine

-Wriothesley x GN! Reader

#: synopsis- literally just wriothesley being domestically clingy with his S/O

#:cw- ~520 words, tooth rotting type fluff, canon complient, established relationship, I wrote this at 1 am, he's clingyyy

Wriothesley is the type to savor every moment with you. He''s a busy man. He'll spend hours and his desk and a few more with work affiliated things. At some point, it feels as though each minute with you is just a mere second in the grand scheme of things. Trust him when he says he wishes he could be home more often, coddled in your arms, his head leaning on your chest as he listens to the pulse of your heartbeat.

Ever burdened by work, he finds himself needing more of you in his life. Yes, he keeps pictures of you in his office. (You'd have to convince him not to plaster your face on the ground and the ceiling) Yes, he keeps a fresh bouquet of your favorite flowers in a vase. (He used to not care for such things until he saw how you loved the way they bloomed)

Yes, Wriothesley cannot get enough of you.

Even on the days where he couldn't catch up to his breathing, when the floor seemed to move even when he was standing still. He found himself drumming your heartbeat into the palm of his hand. Bump-Ba-bump. The rhythm was second nature to him.

But no matter how many reminders he had of your presence, nothing compared to the real deal.

You in your entirety, and you in your smallest form. Some night's he'd swear to kiss every cell of your body so you'd always have his love be apart of you.

Each time you'd smile back at him, maybe even tease his insensible fantasy. He swears he becomes the happiest man alive.

Your nighttime routine is rarely completed without some form of memento from him. He'd write sticky notes in your favorite color with caring words (and occasionally a sticker from one of the melusines)

Even after you drifted off to sleep, by the late times he returns to you, he returns to his home. As soon as he could, he'd lay there in bed with you. His hand rested on top of your palm, as the valley in between your fingers served as his hand's resting point.

His grip would always be loose, swearing that the frost of his vision would crawl onto his fingertips, stirring you from your slumber.

And no matter what, he would always sleep with his head facing yours (his so-called solution to sleepless nights). The barriers of personal space seemed to bind themselves together. So don't be surprised when he wakes you up, cupping your jaw.

He'd always say that he needs to see the most soul before he sets out for the day ahead of him. His course voice would tell you that you could fall asleep again, hoping you wouldn't see how his cheeks rose with mirth when you would be the first thing he wakes up to.

All in all, he thinks of you as the beginning of a new dawn, and the end of a long day. He wouldn't have it any other way.

I didn't want to write dialogue.. can you tell?

Not proofread ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ), I'm used to writing x fem readers, If something seems implied that reader is fem please reach out to me so I can fix it 🙏🙏

Also anons are open :))

[anotherferalrat]

I have a proposition for my fellow kaeluckae/whatever we're called enthusiasts

(Ragbros peeps r welcome too as long as we don't fight in the tags/comments/asks/etc bc my idea isn't technicallyyy explicitly romantic but the kaeluc tag is lookin dry af and so that's where we tagging)

But hear me out guys.

An animatic to 'Into the Open Air' from the Brave soundtrack. Or at the very least this is The Kaeluc Song.

Like look, literally every verse is perfect: And yes, I'm going through the whole thing bc this song is actually p short<3

This love, it is a distant star Guiding us home wherever we are

First, all Kaeya's star imagery and also I like to think Diluc came home bc he physically couldn't stay away any longer. I don't care if it isn't canon, this is my delusion and ur all here for the ride<3

This love, it is a burning sun Shining light on the things that we've done

Now this is Diluc's side, what with him being the sun of the two (but not in the soft, cheery sunshine way; in the passionate scalding all-consuming way. Yall know the post). The second line can either reference That Night (if ya wanna be fuckin sad about it) or it can be about their growth, how they eventually realize they're both at fault for the state of their relationship.

I tried to speak to you every day But each word we spoke, the wind blew away

Once again emphasizing how they're not helping their situation. Mainly this made me think of that one event with the letters and then how a lot of their early interactions are just them saying whatever to do the most damage. LIKE BRO THEIR INTERACTION IN VENTI'S STORY QUEST KILLED MEEEE but that's a post for another day. If this were an animatic, the wind part is where I imagine like- Diluc and Kaeya pass each other and one of them turns around but the lineart then like collapses into lines of wind and then it cuts to Venti who looks sad bc 'My children r stupid'.

Could these walls come crumbling down? I want to feel my feet on the ground And leave behind this prison we share Step into the open air

This is them trying to take the first steps towards reconciliation, if they can move on from their past that seems to be hurting the both of them, if they can clear the air so to speak (pun very much intended).

How did we let it come to this? What we've just tasted, we somehow still miss How will it feel when this day is done And can we keep what we've only begun?

Now this is timeskip, like mid-reconciliation. Things are good but there's still an awkward tension between them, like they're walking on eggshells. They want to get past this but they're afraid of hurting each other again and of going back to that place where they were strangers.

And now these walls come crumbling down And I can feel my feet on the ground Can we carry this love that we share? Into the open air

It all comes full circle. It was a hard road. They probably end up fighting several times over the course of it. But they make it. I very much think their official reconciliation moment should happen in the rain bc cyclical narratives go brrr.

This love, it is a burning sun

Back to animatic imaginings cuz I can't think of anything narratively to put here. But I need a shot of them sitting up high to where they're overlooking the winery and then they like lean on each other's shoulders. Or dare I hope for a hug. GODDAMMIT I JUST WANT THEM TO BE AFFECTIONATE-

DO YOU SEE THE VISION?????

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

With the knowledge that I can send as many asks as I want, be prepared for me to never shut up (/hj) Anyway, like I said in the comments of my previous question, I would like to hear a few words about Haruka, because he is also one of my favorites All of my favorites have at one point or another gotten unforgiven and I don't know what that says about my morality

Oh, don’t worry, I love receiving asks! And I wouldn’t worry too much about the guilty thing, like half the cast has been voted guilty at one point or another. Or maybe I’m just coping because my favorites are Amane and Mikoto, maybe Fuuta and Muu, so I’m on the same boat. At least Es can’t be voted Guilty, right?

CW: Murder, animal death, suicide.

Anyways, Haruka. This physical manifestation of mommy issues is really quite cool. I really love his MVs, and his songs slap, hard. His need for attention is a very unique motivation, and I love how it plays off Muu’s own issues. Their dynamic is super interesting.

Haruka: Muu is my mother. (2nd VD)

My guy. What.

But he’s still a really intriguing character on his own. I’m really fascinated by the way his character tackles untreated mental illness, there’s a lot to be said about that aspect of him. And I am a big fan of the “suicide theory” by moibakadesu, I think it makes him an even more fun-to-analyze character.

His interrogation questions are some of the most interesting too imo.

T1 Q17: Is there something you regret?

H: There is.

Ooh… What’d you do Haruka boy?

T1 Q18: What are you most scared of?

H: Betraying people.

Muu and him were always going to form a unhealthy codependency weren’t they.

T1 Q20: What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?

H: Cotton candy.

From this we can gather that cotton candy is extremely expensive in Haruka’s world, which implies a shortage of the elements used to create it. In this essay I will

T2 Q2: What’s your opinion on the Guard?

H: Guard-san is not my mom.

My guy. Please.

T1 Q14: What’s an event that sticks to your memory?

H: Fireworks

???

T2 Q4: Tell us the origin of your name.

H: It seems like she wanted a girl. She had already chosen this name.

Like the girl in Weakness? Oh, theorizing go brrr…

T2 Q11: Are there any prisoners you can't deal with right now?

H: I'm fine with Amane-chan now. I'm not scared of small children anymore.

Objectively hilarious answer. These two need to interact more.

And I also just think it’s really funny how the most recent timelines dialogue we’ve gotten outside of character birthdays are him begging us/Es to inno Muu, and then we gave her the widest Guilty ratio in Milgram history. L moment.

(I really hope he doesn’t manage to kill himself or that is gonna age horribly)

On the topic of verdicts, I do think the Guilty this trial was probably necessary. Not because it’s somehow gonna stop him from hurting himself (because I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works), but because we need him to realize he did something real bad at some point, and putting it off until the Third Trial is dangerous when we don’t know what the final trial will be like. Sorta the same reasoning as Muu funnily enough, we can’t let the Trial 1 inno be misinterpreted. Though I do wonder how he’s gonna react to both his own and Muu’s verdicts. I have a feeling the answer will be “not well.”

Anyways, yeah. He ranks a solid score on the Silliness Scale. He’s cool, I like him. Thanks for the ask! Hope this was a satisfying answer!

[hangezoeenthusiast]

God(hcs)

c!multiple x god!reader

notes: the reader will be the god of death to make it a little bit more spicy :). c!punz’s pronouns are he/they, i’m not sure about the others, but i know theirs. also why does ranboo take away my gender? /j

word count: 1,672

warnings: arson, violence, cursing, yelling, mention of death, voices in technos part, spoilers for wilbur if you haven’t watch tommy’s lore stream, revival for wilbur, making a religion, time travel, egg, prison, stealing, anarchy, playful name calling

Sapnap

so obviously y’all would be a great match :)

you have creative mode, so when sap would ask you to give him a lighter and tnt, you would GLADLY give it

also, can we talk about him being a nether hybrid

fire squared

like fires left and right, hide your mom and your children in your house lol /j

but besides the whole arson thing, you favor him above anyone else on the server

like if he asks for diamond blocks, well here’s a whole inventory of it, also, here’s some ancient debris and some netherite

if someone asked, you would probably grant them with poison and curses, just because you can’t be “unloyal” to snapchat 

wouldn’t be lonely anymore

Dreamwastaken

this duo is less chaotic, but chaotic enough where people avoid you

he still asks you for stuff, but most of the time, you don’t give him it because he annoys you too much about giving stuff

“hey y/n/n, can i pretty please get some emerald blocks.”

“nope bitch, get it yourself.”

but sometimes, you grant him some op shit, when it’s your good day

“because i’m being nice, here’s some diamond, now, don’t ask me again you little piss baby.”

“shut your trap y/n.”

“or what homeless teletubby, what are you going to do to a god like me?”

“you hang out with technoblade to much.”

Georgenotfound

maybe the least chaotic duo

you guys keep on relaxing and relaxing until the point where you don’t do anything

he barely asks you for anything, but only when it’s really really important, like a house or build

especially when he was building his little cottagecore house, he needed your godly presence to help

“y/n, what should the roof be made of?”

“i suggest brick, it makes it more aestheticy if that makes any sense.”

also barely any drama or tea with you guys

never arguing and never betraying each other is a must

Tubbo

also another least chaotic duo

literally help him with his bee farm, he will (platonically) love you forever

gotta be close to ranboo, that’s the rule

gives him SO much stuff, he’s a precious boi 🙄

also gotta be close to tommy, but not as much unfortunately

you help him pick out things for builds, like what material clashes with another, etc

“do you think that the wool and the netherite blocks look good together y/n?”

“nah, what i suggest is the wool with the gold, it looks perfect.”

sometiems, gotta put him in check because he gets a little ego built up

you definitely yank his horn a little too hard because of your IMMENSE STRENGTH

“OW, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT Y/N.”

“calm down sunny, you were just getting a bit over your head a little.”

Tommyinnit

chaotic duo like sapnap

snaps at anyone who annoys you and vice versa

you give him EVERYTHING, obviously except op and creative

he tries to persuade you to do something, but dreamxd wouldn’t allow it, since he is the main boss

“come on y/n, give me op.”

“no tommy, xd will kick my ass.”

“pweaseee.”

“no.”

you would DEFINITELY help him with the Big Innit Hotel, making the whole layout and color palette.

both of you have an intense hatred for ranboo, since he “stole” tubbo away from tommy

Ranboo

least involved in everything

just stay in the tundra and drink some tea, and you’re good for all of your life

helps him get netherite all the time so your boii can get the good stuff 😬

when he mines to get diamonds, he literally prays to you

“y/n, if you’re listening, please give me a 6 vein, i desperately need it for my collection of diamond blocks.”

and THERE IT IS

more than a 6 vein actually, a 12 vein

guess he needs to pray to you more

daily tea sessions, to talk about the good stuff, and NO, and i repeat NO skipping

threatening to flick water on him check ✅

Wilbur Soot

literally you spoil him

not to be angsty, but when he died and lost his last canon life, you revived him instead of Dream

now he’s practically at your knees

like he’s thinks that he owes you, but actually that’s the opposite

he was revived because you were lonely, and wanted your best friend back :(

prays to you when he goes to bed

“hey y/n, hope you’re having a great day, (platonically) love you.”

“love you too mortal.”

sometimes, to be at the peak of godness, you shower upon wilbur as gold to symbolize blessings, like zeus did before

“omg y/n, what are you doing?”

“i’m trying to bless you, shut up bitch.”

just saying, he would make a religion about you :/

Karl Jacobs

omg don’t get me started on this

first, you wouldn’t codone him going back in time

he would definitely forget your name a lot, so that’s why you hated it

“hey karl, how are you doing?”

“i’m sorry, but do i know you?”

ANGST IS TOO MUCH FOR ME

you were definitely the one to push him towards sapnap and quackity

this is also another spoiled boi

give him the entire world while you’re at it pwease

he wants a few diamonds, nope, give him a chest full of them

Quackity

why are there so much chaotic duos in here?

literally chaos times infinity

energy to the max

literally, did you take an energy drink

grants him every wish he can randomly think off

“can i get a bucket with lava and a fish in it?”

“weird choice, but ok man.”

gotta be close to sap and karl or he isn’t your friend anymore /j

helps with las nevadas a lot, and definitely tries to rig the machines so you get money

“hey big q, i got 10,000 dollars.”

“that’s impossible... y/n, did you cheat?”

“nooo 😊”

help him preen his wings, and he goes “I LOVE YOU, MWAH MWAH.” obviously in his mind 🙄

Awesamdude

definitely helps him maintain the prison

you both love setting up red stone contraptions and pistons and all that giz

“hey sam, do you know where the redstone torches are?”

“yeah, there behind the pistons in the back.”

also you helped build the prison, since he could do that by himself

“are you sure that lava wall will work y/n, your calculations seem inaccurate.”

“i’m sure sam, this will add some more security to this goddamn server.”

nerd squared lol

BadBoyHalo

wouldn’t condone the egg

you warned him multiple times to get away from its grasp, but most of the times he’ll decline

“i won’t y/n, the egg is the future.”

he still, even after all the advancements, even after everything, he tries to ask you to join the eggpire

“come on y/n, you’ll like being with us.”

“i don’t wanna be on a stupid egg side, like let me crack the egg, i wanna eat it and turn it into a omelette.”

he doesn’t like that joke :(

but before he discovered the egg, both of you were joint at the hip

sight seeing was a must

languages being thrown around everywhere, since you were the little language muffin

Punz

steals stuff from everyone

hide your stuff, because the punzo-y/n team is unstoppable

definitely they can be really stubborn and indecisive

like one day, he will be like, “i need gold blocks.” and the next, “nevermind, i need netherite actually.”

like hon, stop switching

also anarchy buddies

burning down forests and buildings are your guys’s specialty

when you give him gold when they doesn’t ask, his heart goes brrr and his brain goes, “pog pog, they’re so cool, lets hug them.”

Technoblade

now this is the most deadly duo in the entire Dream Smp

better not piss you guys off 😐

he’s the Blood God, and you’re the God/Goddess/God being of Death

so if some occasion where you need to battle someone, like Techno’s enemies, *clears throat and murmurs Quackity*, you will obviously back your boy up :)

help him with enchanting and potions and he’s set for life

also you got have to be close to the great Philza Minecraft since him and Techno are buddy buddy

anarchy squared

helps with the voices since you have some of your own

“so what you’re saying is that i need to pay attention to them?”

“yeah, when i first learned that the voices were in my head, i tried to ignore them, but that sucked. so what i did was try to distract myself with various tasks, and that sucked.”

“so what do i do, you’re saying that i should listen to them, but how do i do that when they literally shout at me.”

“just embrace it, obviously when they do their little chant of blood for the blood god, you have to ignore them.”

“you suck at advice.”

Philza Minecraft

so since both of you resemble death, him being the Angel of Death and you being the God/Goddess/God being of Death, y’all are fucking best friends, platonic soulmates if you will

death squared

watch out, because if you piss them off, prepare to d-

gotta be close to Ranboo and Techno, and obviously others who he platonically likes

he doesn’t need to ask you for stuff, he’s the fricking Angel of Death, but he will ask you to preen his wings :D

“ow, not there y/n.”

“oh shut up grandpa, let me do it.”

“I’M NOT OLD DUMBASS.”

Dream XD

two gods at once, damn there is so much chaos

left and right, you guys are noticed by everyone, like purrrr

y’all would be in some fancy shit, to show your power

you would get jealous of him hanging out with george

“why are you jealous y/n?”

“you’re hanging out with george to much, hang out with me please :(.”

gifts are a must, even though both of you have access to creative

[fruitcoops]

thinking about the team learning that remus moved into sirius’

God I missed the Lions groupchat. Hope you enjoy! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

I

“Rookie!”

Leo paused halfway down the hall and turned, raising an eyebrow as Sirius jogged to catch up. They bumped forearms in greeting, then continued to walk. “What’s up?”

“Can I borrow you on Saturday for a couple hours? Just to move some boxes, nothing huge.”

Leo shrugged. “Sure. Do you want me to bring Finn’s car, too?”

“Nah, that’s alright. Transport is taken care of.” Sirius ran a hand through his hair, looking strangely nervous at the thought. Is he moving? Remodeling?

“Are you okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah, I’m good.” A softer look came over his face and Leo added Involves Remus to his mental checklist. “Thanks, Knutty. Nice saves today.”

“No problem, Cap.”

II

There was a knock on the doorjamb of Moody’s office and he frowned when Remus ducked inside. “You don’t have to knock, Lupin.”

“Sorry, I was distracted.” He waved a vague hand in the air and concern crept into the edge of Moody’s mind.

“You’re not quitting, are you?”

“What? No!” Remus looked positively scandalized at the thought. “Hell no, I was just going to let you know that I’ll be busy on Saturday. It’s moving day and I won’t be able to help unload the pallets.”

“Oh.” Did he tell me he was moving, earlier? “I’m glad you’re getting out of that hamster cage of yours. See you bright and early on Monday, kid.”

III

The phone rang twice before it connected. “Hello?”

“Hey, Loops!” Talker held the phone between his ear and shoulder as he pulled his food out of the microwave. “Are you free on Saturday? The new X-Men is coming out and Noelle can’t make it.”

“Are you asking me on a date?” Remus teased. “Talkie, I’m flattered.”

“Very Romeo and Juliet, I know,” Talker laughed. The plate was just hot enough to make him wrinkle his nose. “There are showings at ten, 12:30, and three, and then a late-night one at nine. Do any of those work?”

“I think—shit, wait, you said Saturday?” Something rustled on Remus’ end and he sighed. “Sorry, I’m busy moving that whole day.”

“Congrats, man! It’s about time!” Talker carefully set his food on the table and put the phone on speaker so he could eat without completely grossing Remus out. “Doesn’t Cap have to duck to get through the doorway to your place?”

“He’s got about an inch of space, yeah,” Remus snorted. “Is there a showing on Sunday that we could go to? Unless you’re going to ditch me for your girlfriend, in which case, rude.”

“We could make it a double-date,” Talker suggested around his pasta. “How about the ten am one, and then we can grab lunch?”

“Sounds good, Talkie. See you then!”

IV

“Did you guys know Loops is moving?” Finn asked from the living room armchair, splaying one leg over the armrest and tucking the other underneath himself.

In the kitchen, Logan frowned. “That’s…weird. I thought Cap was moving.”

“Yeah, he asked if I could help him with some boxes on Saturday,” Leo added as he walked out of their bedroom with a toothbrush in his mouth. “I figured he was just remodeling.”

Finn gasped, sudden and sharp, and almost fell off the armchair. “Holy fuck, are they moving in together?”

Leo choked on his toothpaste; Logan nearly dropped a plate. “Oh my god they are,” Leo whispered, then scrambled back into the bathroom to wash his mouth out.

Logan fumbled for his phone.

Message To: Hockey Brain Go Brrr

HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE HELPING CAP AND/ OR LOOPS ON SATURDAY

Message From: Hockey Brain Go Brrr

Me?

Me

Me

I am

Loops ditched on our date :((

Logan frowned.

Message To: Hockey Brain Go Brrr

Talkie if you’re ditching my sister for Loops we’re going to have a problem

Also CAP LOOPS GET IN HERE

Message From: Hockey Brain Go Brrr

It’s Thursday that’s their date night

Pots why do you know that

It’s called being an attentive friend dumbass

Tremz what is happening????

Message To: Hockey Brain Go Brrr

We’re all idiots

They’re moving in together

That’s why they’re both busy

Message From: Hockey Brain Go Brrr

OH FUCK

YESSSSS

AHAHAHA FINALLY

FUCK YEAH LET’S GOOOOO

Are we ignoring the part where they tried to keep this a secret or

Oh my god can you all SHUT THE FUCK UP

Hey Loops!

Looooooooooops

LOOPS LOOPS LOOPS

Yes hello is there an emergency?? Did someone die??

“Yes, I died from the suspense and betrayal,” Finn groaned from the other room.

Message From: Hockey Brain Go Brrr

YOU’RE MOVING IN WITH CAP???

??? Yes???

And didn’t tell anybody???? Bitch

There were a few moments of silence in the groupchat. Logan glanced up and saw Finn and Leo standing near each other, both glued to their phones.

Message From: Hockey Brain Go Brrr

Okay so it seems we forgot to tell you guys

In my defense I thought we did

Oh my GOD Loops

Jesus Christ

How are you two so smart and so dumb

Surprise?

I mean congratulations but also fuck you guys for not telling us sooner

Yeah the housewarming party is going to be short a few fireworks

Jackson Nadeau if you bring fireworks to my house I’ll end you

Oh hey Cap

Oh captain my captain you absolute dumbass why didn’t you say anything???

1) Yes we are moving in together 2) Thank you Pots for remembering it’s date night 3) We’re leaving now and if anyone tries to call us you’re doing extra sets on Monday

That is such a captain thing to say you’re so lame

See you Saturday

Finn’s phone pinged softly. “Siri, where is the nearest fireworks shop?”

V

Remus groaned as Sirius pulled up to the house. The entire team was gathered in the front yard; someone had taped streamers to the front door.

“I’m going to kill them,” Sirius said.

“I’ll visit you in prison.”

“CONGRATULATIONS!” the guys cheered.

Sirius gritted his teeth and Remus fought back a blush as they began unloading boxes from the trunk of the car, desperately ignoring the confetti poppers and the whoops of their idiot friends. “Don’t make eye contact,” Remus muttered, making Sirius laugh under his breath. “They can smell your fear.”

They squeezed through the front door and set the boxes in the entryway—as soon as Sirius opened it again to get the rest of Remus’ things, six different people tumbled through, already carting his dishes, clothes, and a variety of other things.

“Fuck, Loops, what the hell is in here?” Nado grunted as he set it down and stretched his back.

“A super neat invention called ‘books’,” Remus sad drily around his grin. “Thanks for carrying it for me.”

“Is this all you brought?” Talker looked back at the car, then to the boxes.

“Pretty much. It’s not like I needed to move furniture or anything.”

Leo clapped his hands together, smiling bright. “Great! That means we can all go to lunch now and roast you in person for neglecting to tell us about this.”

Sirius threw his hands in the air. “It was an accident!”

“Yeah, and?” Logan linked their elbows and all but dragged him outside with Remus hot on their heels. “Come on, Captain, I haven’t made fun of you in a whole day!”

[lunas-kingdom-of-shadows]

[KoS Incorrect quotes!

Because I’ve had these forever and though most of them where amazing XD

You can take these as cannon or not, I doubt all the things happened, but some definitely might have lol

Luna: When I was a kid, Lucas told me that the paper strip that’s in the chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for a year.

Solar: They are!

Luna: FOR REAL?

Solar: No! Why did you fall for it again?!

•––––––☆––––––• More under the cut!

Storm: Go big or go home!

Sapphire: Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home.

Storm: I'm going big •––––––☆––––––•

Solar: I know we’re not exactly friends, but-

Luna: What do you want?

Solar: I've been stuck with Danion for 2 weeks and they've been drinking all the soy sauce.

Solar: Help.

•––––––☆––––––•

Lily: I don't follow the rules. I follow dogs on social media.

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.

Luna: But ya' didn't

•––––––☆––––––•

Willow: I don't know, it's not my cup of tea.

Riley: Well then who's is it?

Willow, staring at a cup of tea: I don't know!

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Sapphire: Hey.

Storm: Hi.

Willow: Hello.

Riley: Hey!

Luna: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Destiny: We were out of Doritos.

•––––––☆––––––•

Storm: You're violent.

Sapphire: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna: I am 39 cheetos tall.

Stella: Why... are you measuring your height in cheetos?

Luna: Because we're out of doritos.

•––––––☆––––––•

*at a zoo*

Solar: What are they in for?

Damion: Solar, this isn't prison.

Solar: So they can leave?

Damion: No, but-

Solar, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

•––––––☆––––––•

Spark: Your smile? It makes my day.

Luna: Your happiness? I live for that.

Solar: A room? Get one.

Lucas: Hotel? Trivago

•––––––☆––––––•

Riley: You really believe in Storm?

Sapphire: Luckily, they believe in themself enough for the both of us.

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna: Thanks for pulling the fire alarm, you saved me from giving an oral report about The Scarlet Web.

Spark: You were too bored to read the book?!

Luna: I was too uninterested to watch the movie.

•––––––☆––––––•

Stella: I can't imagine what Solar and Luna are planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

•––––––☆––––––•

Riley: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.

Willow: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?

Riley: I like the way you think.

•––––––☆––––––•

Damion: Do you think I’m ugly?

Solar: It’s not about looks, Damion. What’s valuable is on the inside...

Damion: Sol...

Solar: For example, someone's heart.

Damion: Aw... Stop it-

Solar: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.

Damion: Seriously, stop.

•––––––☆––––––•

Soulstar: If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it.

Soulstar: If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.

•––––––☆––––––•

Stella, watching Luna & Spark panic : What's going on?

Lucas: Luna is having a midlife gender crisis and Spark is just having a crisis.

•––––––☆––––––•

*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*

Storm: I will not let you down.

Willow: Sounds fun.

Solar: K.

Stella: No, I'm fucking not.

Lucas: Do I have to be?

Luna: Please god, I am so tired

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.

Solar: *upends the bottle*

•––––––☆––––––•

Stella: What's the scariest horror movie you've ever watched?

Spark: IT.

Solar: Annabelle.

Lucas: Paranormal Activity.

Luna: High School Musical. All throughout high school I was scared that everyone was gonna randomly get up and start singing and dancing, and I would be the only one who doesn't know the words.

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna: honk.

Soulstar: WHAT.

Luna: HONK.

Soulstar: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: *texting* Hey can you pick me up I’m drunk.

Solar: Oh you don't have to anymore. I'm home now.

Stella: Yes, I'm aware of that after dropping you off at home.

•––––––☆––––––• Spark and Luna: *making loud, cat noises at each other*

Sapphire:

Stella, exasperatedly: We have a guest.

•––––––☆––––––•

Spark, texting Solar: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater…

Solar’s phone, auto-replying: I’m driving right now–I’ll get back to you later.

*Later*

Solar, texting back: Fuck you.

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: You are an absolute fucking dork.

Daniel, singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork!

Solar: *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna: Why is Spark crying?

Solar: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-

Spark: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!

Luna: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say-

Spark: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!

Luna: NO, NOT THAT!

•––––––☆––––––•

Damion: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!?

Solar, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what

•––––––☆––––––•

Luna: *Gasp*

Stell: wHAT??

Luna: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?

Stella: *inhales*

Solar, in another room with Spark: Why can I hear screeching?

•––––––☆––––––•

Soulstar: It's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.

Luna, eyes wide: I know what I saw.

•––––––☆––––––•

Stella: I'm not doing to well.

Lucas: What's wrong?

Stella: I have this headache that comes and goes.

*Luna enters the room*

Stella: There it is again.

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: I’m gonna die alone.

Spark: Sol, you’re not gonna die alone.

Solar: Damion, was my safety net, okay? They got married and now I have to get a snake.

Spark: Uh-huh. Why is that?

Solar: If I’m gonna be an old lonely person, I’m gonna need a thing, you know? A hook. Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face.

Solar: So I figured I’ll be “Crazy Man With A Snake”, you know? Crazy snake man.

Solar: Then I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!

•––––––☆––––––•

Lucas: I thought you were going to give me a book recommendation or something.

Luna: *laughs* Book recommendation? I can’t read!

•––––––☆––––––•

Riley: The floor is lava!

Spark: *helps Luna onto the counter*

Solar: *kicks Damion off the sofa*

Stella: *lays on the floor*

Spark: ...Are you okay?

Stella: No.

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: Where are my fucking keys?

Spark: Sol, Lily is around, can you say it a little nicer?

Solar: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!

•––––––☆––––––•

Solar: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.

Luna: But ya' didn't

•––––––☆––––––•

Stella: I CAN'T DO IT!

Solar, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Stella: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Solar: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Stella:

Stella: I appreciate it,

Stella: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Solar: Stella-

Stella: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Luna: Stella we gotta-

Stella: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Stella: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

Stella, motioning to a bathroom that has been set on fire by Luna and Spark: NOT FUCKING THIS!

•––––––☆––––––•

Lucas: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out.

Stella: Fucking Luna and Spark were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

•––––––☆––––––•

I think I’ll stop here XD I have more but this is getting long, might do a part two though,

also new separators go brrr

... I need to go to bed. ]

[minthysugamon]

Everybody wants to Rule the World. (Part 2)

Noble Assistant,Sergeant! Namjoon x Assassin! Reader.

1789! AU

Word Count: 2,111 (angel number go brrr again)

Warnings: Slight misogyny,beheading,blood,death...i think that's all.

(Credit for the Original Photo: @/athenaa. I only edited it a little bit. But all credit goes to the original artist who posted the photo first in it's original version)

(Painting: La liberté guidant le peuple by Eugène Delacroix)

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12 Août,1787. (Flashback)

After reading every word of Voltaire,Maximilien became more and more riled up by the thrill of the revolution. The adrenaline of change was getting the best of him,he had no time to care about his little sister,(Y/n) Robespierre,who would simply block him from getting in the city. The Robespierre family was more than just concerned about their eldest child,the Gem of their family. (Y/n) hated the injustice their father casted upon them. She wanted to learn,he wouldn't let her. Henriette tried to reason her but stubborn,like her brother,she went up in Paris,alone,in the quest of knowledge.

After arriving at Le Marais,her first goal was to find her brother. Nothing more,nothing less. And finding him,she did. But not in his expected state. "Maximilien,laissez moi entrer.¹" A groan was heard from the man but he got up to let his sistet in. "What are you doing here? I told you to stay at home,in Arras. Is it so hard to follow my or father's wishes?" He sighed and pulled a chair out for her. 'How chivalrous.' (Y/n) thought to herself. "Mon frère,i came here to ask you a favor." Her eyes,full of hope,heart racing,the negative answer from him already anticipated. "And what would that favor be? If it's to join some political club,it's a no. And i won't listen to any begging. No is-" "I know. No is no. I don't even want to join those. All i wanted to ask from you is to teach me the art of law."

Maximilien sighed. He knew she will never be accepted as a lawyer,as much as she wanted. In the end,(Y/n) was a woman. Not a male apprentice. But a simple woman. "So...? Will you please teach me...?" Her voice resonated through the small living room,a hint of hope and a dust of desperation sticking to it. "No. I can't. I already taught you everything you had to know. I can't teach you more." Maximilien simply sat down on a chair,looking at her. How could have his sister,a woman from such a delicate mother,turned out like a man? "Is it because i'm a woman?" "It's because you won't be accepted. I'm only doing you a favor here,if you haven't noticed. Ta demande est ridicule. Et tu le sais très bien.² I won't let a Robespierre be turned into laughing stock. Not only your honor depends on it,but our whole family's."

Objecting her brother was the worst thing she could ever do. The man was stubborn and always stuck to his own ideologies for the better or the worst. "But you know-" "STOP IT. NOW. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THAT ANYMORE. I SAID NO. AND NOTHING WILL CHANGE THAT. YOU ARE A WOMAN. KNOW YOUR PLACE FOR GOD'S SAKE." The heavy breathing coming from the eldest was enough to make the atmosphere heavy between them. (Y/n) stood up and put the chair back as if she was never on it. "Alright. Thank you for your time,Maître Robespierre. Je me tâcherai à ne plus vous contre-dire.³" Stepping out of the residence,(Y/n) let the door slam against it's frame. The silence was too heavy around Maximilien. He wanted to tell her he's sorry,but he knew it won't change anything. Her pride was too high for her own good. So he put his aside for once,as unwilling as he was. "Alright. Come back. If you want to learn. You will learn. From me. But don't tell anyone about this. Est-ce clair?⁴"

The young woman's eyes lit up. For the first time,she achieved to coerce something useful out of her brother,something that will be helpful for her future. "Crystal clear,Maximilien." She did a 180 and started walking towards the door of the small and stuffed place the elder was living in,passing right beside him. "So? When do we start? I wanna know everything." An innocent but playful smile spreading on her face as she spoke took Maximilien by surprise. "Quoi?⁵ Not even a simple thank you?" The tone in his voice was laced with fake-hurt. He was annoyed but somewhat proud of her sister's persuasion skills. If she was a man,she would've been a very good lawyer. Putting ultimatums where they belong,it requires skill.

14 Juillet,1789.

After getting some powder,Namjoon was finally recharging his gun,the fact he owed his life to a revolutionist still had him shocked. 'Why?' wasn't his only question though,he wanted to know more about that woman. "COUPEZ-LUI LA TÊTE!⁶" the chant of the crowd grew louder and louder as his foster father was escorted by some peasants. While the sergeant of the troop was laying dead jn the hallway,the squad's organisation itself was frantic,none of them had endured such debauchery before.

"Sir,what should we do? We can't let the colonel down." One of the soldiers finally spoke up after a long moment of silence. His ears were ringing. The loud gun noises made him lose all auditory senses,but he still spoke up despite not being able to think clearly and having no military experience. "Wait here. If i signal the path is cleared,you follow. Divide in two divisions. We can't sacrifice anyone. If anything,i prefer sacrificing myself if there's a chance to lead you into safety. May God be with all of you."

Namjoon had no idea what came over him and moreover had no idea how to command,but he strong leadership De Launay has showed during his younger years may have stuck with him. One thing is sure,he won't commit the error of turning his troops against himself. Maybe getting killed was his destiny after all,but he would do everything in his power to not have the one who raised him killed. After hiding behind a pillar,the man signaled to the first troop to come and hide behind the chariot. The chariot the battle was going on for,the precious gun powder those uncultured men couldn't use. Hell,even him,he was new to the battle but the situation couldn't degrade more.

"Here's what we're going to do. We have to use up all the powder while the second troop can finally get to safety. Negociating with these savages already failed,we have to act." The youngest soldier, Nathanaël du Rhône, looked him in awe, their leader, Kim Namjoon, the man who was once a Stranger, was more worried about their safety than his. The newly appointed Staff Sergeant pointed to Nathanaël. "You. Signal to the others that they can come,then hide and leave. You have more than just a fight to live. The others,you come with me. Hide,aim and charge. I'll signal you when to shoot." De Launay has noticed his son due to his inattention,his hat was in the wrong direction. He simply smiled at the determination of the young chief then mouthed a simple 'You'll be alright son." in his direction while the three man were still escorting him out to the court of the prison.

"Wait....Now. Shoot." And the men acted as Namjoon said,including himself. They fired the shots,simultaneously touching the three who were holding the Colonel. Recharge,aim shoot again all the people who were flocking in the court. Once they had no other choice and were blocked,the hiding spot was discovered too. But he won't let his men down easily,he wasn't raised to do so. "Gather the explosives. We must light them and decimate the crowd or else this hell will never end."

After throwing one of the smoke torches in the crowd,he started running towards his elder, successfully stabbing one of the new detainers in the throat with the bayonette of his shotgun. "Père.⁷You must come. I beg you." De Launay simply nodded a no and smiled "My destiny was to die protecting the king and the prison. Now go before they get you too. You're too young to die." Namjoon wanted to do another round before he saw the head of the Colonel falling,in addition thhe man's blood splattered over his face as he wasn't more than 3 meters away. "Chef. Ils nous ont encerclé⁸. We must go." A new smoke torch was thrown by the youngest soldier on the ground,blinding the revolutionists as he held back his chief from going rampage over the ones who killed the one he called father. "NO I CAN'T. I CAN'T LET HIM DIE." Namjoon screamed frantically as Nathanaël was pulling him by the arm, at the same time asking for help from his troop mates. Two other men came to hold the new and young Sergeant down,escorting him to a hiding place,not wanting to lose their only commandant in this butchery.

15 Juillet,1789.

After staying up all night,the sun was rising. 'Finally', (Y/N) thought to herself. The night was long enough already when she simply had woken up from night terrors and waited for the light of the day to reassure her,but now that she had to wait for her brother, it seemed like an eternity. Sitting on the roof of the house Maître Robespierre lived in,she had the privilege to eat something that many couldn't, an apple. The thought of saving that guy in the early afternoon was prancing around her mind, not fully understanding why she did what she did. 'I should've killed him. Now he's one of my countless problems.' Her inner monologue was eating her up,much like she was munching on the green fruit. Due to the bad harvests of the previous years,it was as sour as her mood.

After finishing the apple,eating the core,even if it was more than just acidic and putting the seeds into a small pocket of her leather pants,she knew she should get down the roof and change back into her normal attire to hide her activity. As long as Maximilien didn't know about anything,she was safe. He wouldn't condone her actions even if she was killing the noblemen he oh so strongly opposed. As murderous as his desires were, the thought of a woman being better than him made his skin crawl. The crowd had finally died down too,people went back to their residences or the small shelter they were at to sleep,it was around two in the morning that the chants started to become more and more quiet and at three,not a single soul was seen wandering the streets. It was although now five in the morning and she knew,her brother would soon come back from the whorehouse he went to. After finally getting into her dress,she went out the door to finally get some bread. 'Oh to be a man and not give a piece of mind about the opinions of others.' she thought as she entered the local bakery.

"Bien le bonjour, mademoiselle⁹ ,early today,i see! Let me guess,the usual or are we changing it up today?" The baker, Jean-Hugues Lefèvre, was known for his kindness towards his costumers although since bread was a missing article nowadays,he always managed to sneak some to the poorest families,giving up his rations to save others. The baker had already started packing the two loaves,as usual until his actions were interrupted by (Y/n)'s voice.  "Just one loaf will be enough,thank you. I'm only buying for my brother,i am going back home today." As he was choosing the best loaf,he raised an eyebrow. "Oh? So soon? It hasn't been two months thought,as you said ten days ago." She smiled awkwardly,not knowing how to engage in the small talk,making herself feel smaller. "Well...i guess the Parisian air made me feel a little bit exthau-" her phrase couldn't be finished as somebody barged into the shop.

"Bonjour, Monsieur Lefèvre." The intruder was a tall man,smelling like gunpowder and cologne "Bonjour, Sergent Kim. Congratulations on your rank. You fought well. I am sorry about what happened with the Colonel. What can i serve you with?" Jean-Hugues gave (Y/N) the loaf as he told her the price and the  another man looked at her. "Three loaves please..." Thoughtful was the only way to describe him once he caught a look of the eyes of the woman,and (Y/N) had a suspicion why,so she ushered herself out of the bakery. "Wait a minute." The man called out. So she turned around "Yes?" Trying to seem confident out of the cape and mask that hid her face yesterday was harder to do than to say. "Haven't we met somewhere?" A genuine curiosity was displayed on his face. As much as she knew the right answer,the lie was necessary. "I don't think so. Have a nice day,Monsieur Lefèvre." And the girl started heading to the Robespierre residence.

Left dumbfounded and with three loaves for his 10 men, Namjoon was thinking about where he had seen those eyes before. "The girl from yesterday."

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Translations

¹ Let me enter

² Your request is ridiculous. And you know that well.

³ I'll make sure to never argue with you again.

⁴ Is it clear?

⁵ What?

⁶ Chop his head off!

⁷ Father.

⁸Chief,they have surrounded us.

⁹Well good morning there,Miss.

A/N: Hello there. There will be probably a part 3,but i don't know when. I don't promise it will be before april but i'll try to write it before. Please note that i try to stay as close to history as possible but as this is an AU,there are some modifications here and there. This is pure fiction please do not take this for something real. Thank you. (Only saying because i've gotten some hateful DMs bc of the first part).

[megablade]

idk if u know this song but like........ imagine an angsty dnf fic based on the song lifetime by ben&ben :')) the song kinda fits dsmp!dnf too for some reason

every so often you guys will give me song recs esp related to dteam + dsmp and i just go :’))))))) because <33

on that note:

any song with the word “dream” in it already makes my brain go brrr dnf? and then there’s the Pining of it all is very fitting for dnf in general... i also keep thinking about dsmp!dnf prison arc where one of them is reminiscing to the times when everything was simpler </3

[memethemastermonarch]

Dream SMP Kingdom Hearts connection? At 2 am? Will I regret how this sounds? Probably, but it won't put me in danger so fuck it

Karl is Sora. Even if Tommy is technically the Main Character, Karl fits the role way more with the Tales episodes acting how the later KH games work with plot (semi filler with lore in between) Also the most likely to say friends are my power because unlike everyone else Karl actually has very close bonds with his fiances

SapNap as Riku works very well. Competitive but still cares about his friends. Don't know much about SapNap's lore but from what I've seen he'd definitely go too far to protect Karl and Big Q to get corrupted

Big Q is obligated to be Kairi but also because of the massive boost in lore they both have received recently. Also they suck at PVP

TOMMY FITS ROXAS SO MUCH IT HURTS. Sarcasm? Check. Angst? Check. Having to betray the people he cared about? Check. Having to be trapped in a prison for an amount of time that feels longer than it was? CHECK!

Mexican Dream Namine is cursed but I'm doing it anyway

Wilbur as Soon because of death and inner struggle with their actions and are very popular in the fandom for making people the big sad

Uhhhh

I wanted to make Tubbo Ven at first because they assume they are a wholesome loud child who in reality is a weapon against God at all times. But Axel fits more with the whole staying loyal to your organization until the super finale schtick. Plus Tubbo with arson powers would be very funny

Terra is hard D: I'm thinking Ranboo because of corruption, although with what I heard about the new Tales, Ven and Vanitas work really well for that

But I want the Syndicate bois to be Wayfinder Trio for Aqua!Phil and Techno JUST DOESNT FIT

Man out here defying KH logic by actually thinking outside of friendship

Techno Ven then I guess. Vanitas is Blood God spam

Phil as Aqua for all the shit this man has to deal with as the certified dad friend, also sad tragedies

If you like the crossed out shit go ahead, but Imagine like Bad, Puffy, and Skeppy as Wayfinder Trio

Brain go cries in pain

Maybe make Hayner and friends Jack Manifold, Niki, and someone else. Pence is an enigma at 2am

Schlatt as Xigbar/Spoiler Man. If you know KH, you know the spoiler.

Make the guest characters be the organization because Ninja as Saix is very funny

Making Dreamon a separate thing for this, Dreamon: Ansem SOD Dream: Xemnas DreamXD: Xenhanort because big bad teletubby man go brrr

Foolish as the MoM works very well for how such a powerful being is just so chaotic.

Not sure for like some foretellers but Hannnahxrose as Ava even though I never watched her it just sounds so good from fanart alone

Guys this is terrible I won't lie but the 2am brain is brrring and who am I to refuse?

If you actually give a crap about this idea please give some better suggestions

[poppyjpeg]

no one ever tells you this, but the secret to escaping a juvenile detention center is to just walk out the front door. jacob knows, it’s his seventh time these past two weeks. the people working there, they don’t even notice. they don’t want to notice; sometimes he catches their eye as his foot swings out the doorframe and they look away just as quickly. that’s what happens when you get paid barely over the minimum wage. he wishes he too, could get paid to be violent towards kids. it doesn’t take much, you just pretend they’re the monsters the state described them to be in their police files, and you ignore every other factor leading up to their crimes.

easy.

jacob juggles around a lollipop inside his mouth, head bowed down, shoulders tensed up, and tight fists shoved deep inside his jeans’ pockets. the neighborhood knows him-- he’s the reason why police lights brighten their nights. but truth be told, they’re the ones calling the police on him in the first place, so be it.

after walking for what felt like hours to him, he finally relaxes his whole body as he chews on the remnants of the candy. it was offered to him back at the center as a reward for good behavior. he was able to go six hours without causing a scene, hurray! it tasted like wet cardboard and abandoned dreams...probably came from mister williams, barely ten years older than jacob and already wasting his life chasing after problematic teens. mr williams was supposed to be the poster employee; a man who changed his life around after being a regular at that same juvenile detention center he now works at. unfortunately all the signs were there; mr williams is an aggressive and irritable manchild who can't hold back his violence. a true government miracle.

if jacob doesn’t get out of there for good, he’ll become the next mr williams, doomed to beat kids who’re just like him until the end of his days. brrr.

today’s escape was different though. it had a purpose, a real one other than leaving just for the heck of it. it was his mother’s divorce anniversary and he wasn’t going to miss it because of lousy curfew rules. it usually consisted of stealing alcohol for his mother and then just yelling fuck you!! to the sky until the sun made its appearance. he wanted to lay low this year though. he had to. he felt like he could be thrown into prison any time soon now, he only needed to piss off the wrong officer and there would go the rest of his life.

it’s early morning. the local mall is empty except for the select few elders who need to buy their coffee from the dirty ol’ coffee shop. they could be selling you shit-infused coffee and you wouldn’t even be able to tell the difference with their regular drinks. their cakes, on the other hand....jacob’s stomach gurgles as he imagines the heavenly taste of the vanilla mint mango cake on his tongue. he almost forgets his purpose, too distracted by the dead ambiance of the mall. he scurries over to one of the coffee shop’s tables and simply sits there, unsuspiciously. next to him, an old man sits, head hanging back with his mouth wide open as loud snores escape his nose. the treasure lays on his table-- a box. a white cardboard box. on top, in bold black sharpie is written ‘VAN. MINT MANGO’. jacob can feel his heart race at the idea of being reunited with such goodness.

the purpose, right. he wanted to offer it to his mom as a congratulatory gift for divorcing the worst man on earth ten years ago. right.

his trembling hand quickly grabs onto the ribbon wrapped around the box, but he, just as suddenly, sees a hand latch on top of his right at the same time. jacob pulls away and almost falls backwards as he stumbles onto his chair. sitting on the other side of the sleeping old man is the culprit ( @arieteis​ ), cake box now on his lap. “ what a fucking bitch. ” jacob says, not at anyone in particular, but...at someone in particular. his pounding heart prevents him from jumping on the other guy and beating the cake out of him. but also he doesn’t want to wake the old man up. but also he gotta lay low.

“ you’re bad at this, like real bad at this. ” he keeps on going, eyes looking around the place, body pulling away from the crime scene. “ i grabbed that shit first. ” he says, like a little child, arms crossed and sighs galore. jacob was convinced he was going to leave this place with the cake safe in his arms, and he was about to do everything to fulfill his goal.

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 25

Last time: The last Goth was too shy to make an on-screen appearance, Fuhrer Bradley had a nice peaceful dinner with his family, and Roy and Ed competed for the title of “In The Worst Spot”. Onwards!

Ed’s wandering around some hellish landscape that’s giving me flashbacks to AoT (brrr), blaming “that idiot prince” for getting him stuck wherever this is. Ling does not appreciate the peasant calling “the future emperor of a nation” an idiot. Ed’s running forward to check on his friend teammate associate, but then comes to a halt. Right, they got trapped with a shapeshifter, didn’t they? Ok, Ling should be good, no one else could make reciting the hotel room service list a threat. As for Ed? A quick “little runt” test and Ling’s convinced as well. Now, how to get out of here? Episode 25 - “Doorway of Darkness” The two looking around, noting that everything in here is stuff that Gluttony has “eaten”, like the house they were keeping him in earlier, the Lieutenant’s car, and even all of Roy’s fire that is oh-so-conveniently providing light in this cavernous space now. Tardis space ftw! Ed has a brief moment of panic when he sees Al’s cutoff hand, calms down when they realize that he was outside the Eraser Gun. Well if he’s outside, is there any way to contact hi- [Ed, spazzing out and waving Al’s hand around]: “Ahhhhhhhh!!! Conveniently awaken, telepathic powers…! Elric brother telepathy!” [Ling]: “Yyyyeah, good luck with that.” After that failed “attempt”, they continue on, looking at all the different time periods of rubble in the Stomach. Still, Ed’s confident that they can find or make an exit. Even if the Well idea is a bust, and “running in a straight line to reach a wall” isn’t working… Oh hey May, how are you? Aw, sad that your panda was accidentally kidnapped by Al? Come on, don’t be sad (or put out the fire with your tears, please). Backstory time! First about the panda (disease while young kept her from growing, abandoned by her mother, taken in by May), then for May Chang herself; her clan’s one of the lowest of the fifty in the Xing Empire. [May]: “Maybe that’s why I was drawn to her. She looked so helpless and weak, I couldn't help but identify with her. But at the time, I guess I just took pity on her more than anything.” So after an initial bite, we get scenes of them growing up together, even sparring. Daw, sibling bonds. Something you and Ed can talk about, next time you meet up and aren’t dealing with a rebel fighter. Aw, Scar’s been lurking in the shadows while May waxes on about her adopted sister, probably making his own flashback connections. Sorry dude, you already had your history episode, it’s May’s turn now. Just let her talk about her motivations, how giving the Xing emperor immortality is the last hope for her clan (like Ling, dammit why can’t both clans be saved?)... nope, Scar’s fed up with being out of the spotlight and tells the other two to get moving. Or not? Daw, are you really gonna help her find the panda? Yoki proves he has at least a few brain cells, noting that as one of the last Ishvalan survivors Scar “knows a thing or two about loss.” Back in the Stomach, Ed and Ling are still trudging along, Ed’s so desperate that he’s promising to let the freeloading prince get anything he wants from room service once they’re out. But even that’s not enough to keep Ling going, he collapses and tells Ed to keep going. The Fullmetal Alchemist rants and raves that he’s not letting someone as weak as Ling drag him down, he’s off to find the exit. Yup, totally leaving. Seriously leaving him to die. Not messing around…. Yeah, no points for guessing that when the “threats” weren’t enough Ed just picked the prince up and lugged him along, ranting about how they both have too many people waiting for them outside. But then he collapses too, and both are left gasping for breath on some rubble and so hungry that they made Boot Soup. After their “filling meal”, Ling apologizes for getting Ed trapped, but the Alchemist just blows it off as not even being as bad as what Teacher put him and Al through. Optimism? Nah, just sheer stubbornness. And fear of Al’s metal fists if he actually gives up. Hey, there’s the third prisoner of the Stomach! Ed immediately begs to be shown the exit, Ling can’t even start properly arguing about asking the enemy for help when Envy bluntly states that “there is no exit”. Yikes, it’s so tough not even a Goth can get out? Hmmm, so this is a semi-Portal of Truth. Not like the real one that Ed and Al went through way back when, but a failed experiment by Father to make his own Portal. Hmm, showing a limitation of the Goth’s creator then. The point is, these three are stuck in a place in between Reality and Truth. As for what they can do? [Envy]: “All we can do is wait here to die.” Midshow pictures of May Chang, Shao May the panda, and Envy. Ed is not very happy to hear this, accusing Envy of lying as the Goth just sits there and grimaces. Still furious, Ed demands to know who their Father is, when Envy scoffs that Bradley is just another Goth. He’s piecing everything together now; the Fifth Laboratory, human sacrifices to make Stones, Homunculi, Ishval… Envy laughs at that one, says it was an “enjoyable job”. Whoa, seriously? Envy was the one who pulled the trigger? … kick his ass, Ed. Guh, we get the slow building “Shit Is Going Down” music with an image spot of a little red-eyed Ishvalan girl getting shot point blank by Soldier!Envy. Did not need to see that. So Envy is the source. The Big Bad is still Father for creating the Goths, but Envy? The one laughing at how he framed a moderate officer to plunge the nation into civil war? [Ed]: “So you’re responsible… You were the one who shot and killed that poor innocent child. You destroyed my hometown, you drove out the Ishvalans. You’re the one who turned Scar into a murderer. And it was you… You’re the reason Winry’s parents were killed! You’re the one to blame!” Ed punches Envy! But… Envy didn’t budge? Uh oh. Ominous chanting has started as Envy morphs to give them a “parting gift” before they die. Ling notes that when they fought Envy had been oddly heavy for someone nearly as small as Ed. [Ling]: “He might be a bit bigger than he looks.” Um. Oh dear. Envy is very, very big now. And 3D, no less. Boss fight! Back outside, Al’s sitting in a forest clearing with a little bird on his shoulder and Shao May at his side.

Gluttony’s still there, stumbling around and asking Al what he should do. Right, he ate someone he was Not Supposed To Eat.

[Al]: “I have no idea.” Ooh! Gluttony’s worrying that Father’s going to be real mad at him, Al pounces on the mention of the Goth’s creator… and asks for Gluttony to take him to Father. Gluttony goes “ok, he’ll want to see you since you’re one of the human sacrifices we’re supposed to Not Harm”. Answers, finally! Back at Central the higher-ups are sitting around a table, frankly talking about Sacrifice Candidacy. Even General Raven (come on dude, how could you betray Mustang like that?). As for Candidate Mustang, he’s in the Fuhrer’s office now for a “nice long talk”. Leto damn it. Roy of course asks the obvious question first, why Bradley’s bothering to let Roy live when he knows so much. Bradley says that Roy wouldn’t learn his lesson if he’s dead. Like Hughes… [Bradley]: “Why must everyone make such a fuss over the death of a single soldier?” Oh, what the flip. Bradley was trembling in anger at Hughes’ “screeching child”?! Dude, you suck as a parent. But the Fuhrer brushes off the idea that Selim is a weak point for him. Roy, on the other hand… By the car, Riza’s waiting when Fuery runs up to report that he’s being assigned to the Southern Command Center. And Breda’s being sent west, Falman to the North… and two guys in black coats come up to reassign First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye to Central Command Center. [Riza]: “As personal assistant to Fuhrer Bradley.” So that’s it. Riza is stuck under the watch of Wrath now. Oh yeah, there was that whole “Ed and Ling are stuck in a hellish in-between realm facing down Titan!Envy” thing going on, we should get back to that. The two are getting their butts kicked, when they get a moment Ed’s able to transmute a (tacky) sword for Ling and get his own arm into Blade Mode. They’re beat up, but they have to fight! Meanwhile, the music’s building as Al follows Gluttony, shocked to see that they are heading towards… oh for Leto’s sake, Father is based in Central itself?! ...WHAT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S WHERE IT STOPS?

[borkasaurusrex]

(D·N·C) SEASON 1 | EPISODE 1 | "PILOT"

(Heya! Ellie here!

This here block of text is a story form of one of my more popular series on Bitstrips, D·N·C! (formerly DNC and formerly formerly doesNOTcompute)

It’s a lil’ different than what I usually post but hey! I’m a fidgety girl that does fidgety things!

... I mean, it’s obvious at this point.

Anywho! Uhm... enjoy! :D)

That day started the same way as most great legends of yore do.

With a car crashing through a Dairy Queen and into a suburban mailbox, in ten seconds flat.

Let me explain.

The morning started normal enough. The light poured through the open bedroom window, coating the mostly wooden room in its yellow sheen. Curled up in a rosy bed, eyes squinting open from the bright morning light, was what looked like a boy. He blinked his eyes a couple of times, eyelids so heavy that after the third blink they, well, didn't open back up. Turning over on his side and pulling his sheets high up to his chin, the boy began to doze back off to slee -

BRRR!! BRRRR!! BRRRRR!!

With a gasp almost as loud as the alarm, the boy slumped heavy over the side of the bed and smacked into the carpet below, his blankets following right after - and on top - of him. The radio/alarm clock on the nearby nightstand glowed to life, the numbers '6:55' illuminating bright like red beacons from, well, a radio. And, from said radio, a muffle laugh exploded out, a gruff voice following:

"Good moooorning Calcheri Valley! While I was studying the blade, you were, well... just studying. Because it's that season yet again, gremlins of all ages. Ah yes, the dreaded education prison! Only at this jail, good behavior doesn't give you time off the clock. It gives you anxiety, fear, and a general feeling of loneliness and existential dread that will creep into your life and mind for the rest of your life. But hey: they have bosco sticks. That's sure something!"

The boy slowly pulled himself up, throwing the sheets back onto his bed in a crumpled mess. He walked across the room one heavy foot at a time, stopping at his closet door. He grabbed the handle and pulled it open slowly. A small bundle of shirts and other clothes poured out, covering his feet and most of the floor around. He groaned.

"So anyway, onto more important things - like me!" the radio continued, "I'm your host, Ben Dover, your local hunk of junk and spunk. Whazow!!"

The boy stuck one leg through a pair of plain blue jeans, leaning his weight against the wall his free hand. He slipped his other leg into the right hole, pulling it up to his waist... then stopped. He reached down towards his crotch. Smooth. Two pockets. And, on his tuckus?

A zipper. He groaned louder.

"Up next: McGruff, with Living Like You're Dying. You're listening to 133.7: Great tunes, great vibes, great thighs. What's not to love?"

The teen pulled on a dark jacket, rolling his shoulders. He zipped the jacket up... then back down. He tried zipping just an inch or two up, he tried halfway, he even pulled it all the way up to the collar. He finally zipped it open completely, letting it hang loose. He turned his body around towards the door, a long mirror taped to the white wood. Slipping his feet into a pair of extraordinarily plain black shoes, he faced the mirror, holding open his jacket... then closed it over his chest. He opened it back up... then closed it again. He held it open one last time, eyes narrowed... and let out a low, whisper of a sigh.

"Open, definitely."

Looking up and down himself in the mirror, the boy didn't think he looked half bad. A little plain, sure, but not terrible. His face was surprisingly average, the only defining feature being his greenish hazel eyes, and even those were about as bright as a rotting ficus. He brushed his shaggy brown hair out of his face to the side... and brushed it right back again. He thought about it for a second... and decided not to touch it. You don't mess with a classic. Red shirt, blue jeans, black jacket. He looked like an American dream. Or, well, a Midwestern staple anyway.

"Oh well..." he mumbled to himself. "Let's get this over with."

He reached a hand over to the doorknob, placing it on that nasty thing, and giving it a light yet tight twist.Then, with a low click, the door pulled -

From outside came a thundering crash, an incredible bang that so loud it shook the nearby curtains and picture frames like an earthquake. The boy spun around, eyes wide, running over to the nearest window and throwing the curtains open in a panic. Outside the dirty window was a wide, stretching view of what looked like your typical suburban cul-de-sac, everything in sight either a hue of brown or green. Maybe a little yellow, if you squint. Hard.

Directly outside the window, though, was a front yard. The grass was perfectly trimmed, bright, bordered cleanly by brown mulch and rocks. It was flawless - besides the dark red convertible smashed and smoking through the front gate, anyway. Under its front tires was the broken remains of a wooden mailbox, bits of wood from it and the fence scattered as far as the front door. Inside the car was only smoke - if there was a driver, they were long gone by now.

The boy could hear the faint sound of police sirens. He sighed.

"Looks like it's gonna be one of those days..."

Standing in the green front yard was a man. Very tall, slim, long hair that clearly hasn't been combed in forever yet squeezed tightly into a ponytail. He squinted his eyes at the wreckage next to his slippered feet, stroking his scruff in thought with one hand, pink doughnut clenched in the other.

"I wonder..." he mumbled, taking a small bite of his pastry.

"It's a car, dad."

A boy stepped out from behind, the same boy from before, backpack slumped over his right shoulder. The man chuckled. "That... that it is."

"What happened, do you know?" the boy asked.

"The police. They just, uh, left. They gave me this doughnut too, pretty sweet, huh?" The boy's dad took another bite, then continued, "They said that some guy stole a car - parolee, I'm pretty sure. He panicked when he saw the fuzz on his tail, tried to take a right turn, and ended up plowing straight through a Dairy Queen, kitchens and all. It was the one on Elm, y'know?"

The boy nodded. "I know the one."

"So, uh, he smashed right through that palace and, well, he drove down Fig, through the Myers' place, and ended up nicely over our mailbox, over here. The police showed up, gave me this 'nut - that's 'nut', by the way, short for doughnut - you came out here, and... well, then we come full circle. Or half. Maybe three quarters if we're lucky. Shit, I'm bad at math."

"I see where I get if from," the boy said, smirking. "So, uh... what happened to the guy? The parolee?"

"They took the mail and ran, the classic bamboozle. But hey, on the bright side: no bills!"

"... That's not how it works."

"Eh, killjoy," his father sneered. "Speaking of joy killing, should you be, like, at school right about now? It is your first day, the last thing you want is to be that kid, right Axel?"

The kid, Axel, shook his head. His father chuckled.

"That's what I thought," he mumbled. "So, uh... you want to take the bus, or...?"

"They don't come to our neighborhood."

"Ohh, right. The whole 'out of school jurisdiction' shenanigans and all that. Oh well... you want to hitch a ride today, then?" His pops turned around, jerking his thumb towards a beaten black SUV with one of those gaudy pink mustaches decals on the front. "I've got an appointment, but... eh, I can drop you off. Quickly, though. Urgent business, you know."

Axel raised an eyebrow. "What kind of business?"

"I'm meeting with billionaires. Royalty, if you can believe it."

"... Are you talking about Dairy Queen?"

"Not today. The queen's a little... well... she's a wreck, that's all I'm going to say," his father explained. "The King, though? Oh, I could go for some beef."

"Oh my God, dad," Axel groaned. "Can we just go, please?"

"Oh, okay. Fine. Just lemme bust this 'nut and we'll be - "

Axel's mouth hung open, eyebrows turned upward. "That is not what that means, dad."

"Sure it is. What ELSE would it mean?"

RRRRRING!

The pale halls of Calcheri High School became loud with the slamming of doors, the stampede of teenage feet. Hundreds upon hundreds of teens of all (well, most) ages flooded the halls, going this way or that. The thunder of dark red lockers pounding open, the giggles and laughter from the smallest girl to the largest bloke.

The school year was now in session.

From out of the multicolored, bulging crowd was Axel. Taped black binder in hand, he waded in and out of the incoming kids, making his way down the barely-lit main hall. He was walking steadily until he stopped suddenly, a large, very tall object blocking his path. He frowned, looking up.

In front of him was a ladder. Orange. Long, as most are. On top of the towering steps was a man. He was older but not old. Fatter but not fat. A sort of an in between guy, really. He brushed his long curled hair out of his face, grumbling to himself while picking the ceiling with what looked like a screwdriver.

"Uh... hey, Mr. Davidson!" Axel cried, looking upward. "What's up?"

"Exactly!" Mr. Davidson turned his head towards the boy, face moist and red with sweat. "I... I've been trying to get this - whatever it is - off the dang vent but it's not working! I... what is it, anyway? Putty? Slime?"

Axel's head craned, squinting his eyes. "Gak, I think."

"He does this, he always does this!" Mr. Davidson exclaimed. "Even in Valley Middle, he... gah, it won't budge!"

"Uh... who always does - "

"Your friend! The... short one."

"Weston?" Axel asked. "Well... uh, yeah, I can believe it."

"Every year, every damn year..." Davidson grumbled, giving the vent a long, screeching scrape. "It's always the same thing, always. He puts up a trap, something I have to clean up, like graffiti or a bunch of trash, and then, when my back's turned... BOOM! That's when he... y'know, does it."

Axel scrunched his brows. "Does what?"

"Does... the thing! One year it was a pie to the face, the other it was a firecracker in my pants. It's always pain, always. I swear, if his father wasn't such an important donor to the school, I would - "

"Uh... hey, Mr. Davidson?"

The teacher leaned over the top step. "What is it, ElRite?"

"You say Weston sets a trap... then 'gets' you when you're least expecting it, right?"

"Yeah, precisely. What's your point?"

"Well, you're on a ladder... inspecting a mess... and, uhm... there's a rope. Right there."

Davidson looked down, and, sure enough, a thick brown rope was tied to the leg of the ladder. He looked back up, eyes wide. "Huh. So there is."

As if on cue the rope was tugged hard, pulling the ladder leg up and the rest of it straight down. A cry barely escaped Davidson's lips as it slammed into the floor, shattering the plastic and sending the man flying across the tiled ground. He slammed right into an open locker, and, before he could pull himself up the door was thrown shut, slamming the metal hard with an audible click! from the lock. Next to the locker and howling so hard with laughter that it sounded like dying wheezing, was a boy. He was pretty short, only coming up to Axel's chest, and he wasn't the tallest teen around either. The fellow was black, his basketball shorts black, his beanie black, and his shirt... was blue, actually. But dark blue, though, so that kinda half counts.

The guy let out a loud chuckle, literally slapping his knee after. He turned to Axel, and gave him a wicked grin. "What's wrong, Ax? You seem a lil'... locked up! Ahahaha!!"

"Can you let him out now?" Axel asked. "He's got classes, Weston."

The boy, Weston, rubbed his chin like a philosopher of yore, clearly thinking. He then smiled. "Aaaaaah... nope!"

A teacher, judging by their clothes and nametag, turned around the hall, beelining straight for Weston. The small guy squeaked out a "Shit!", turning heal and sprinting away at high speeds, shouting "See you later, fuckers!"

Axel winced as his friend slammed face first into a column, slumping onto the ground like a bag of wet potatoes. The red-clad teen couldn't help but sigh.

RRRRRING!

The classroom boomed with the scrapping out of metal chairs, desks pushed away and dozens of feet making their way out as fast as they would take them. Mr. Davidson stood in front of a chalkboard, loudly trying to catch the fleeing students attention, "Hey, don't forget about the worksheet on page 32, it's... due tomorrow..." but it ultimately fell on absent ears.

Well, absent expect for two. Rummaging through her bag, and swearing under breath, was a girl. She was as pale as the papers on her desk, long red hair constantly falling in her face, to her obvious frustration. She narrowed her eyes, drawing a breath as she finally managed to -

A hand grabbed her shoulder, jerking the redhead up with a gasp. An angry one. She whirled around, teeth clenched... but paused.

"Fuckin' hell, Axel, you could've given me a heart attack!" she cried, voice laced with an accent somewhere between Daniel Howlter and Lena Oxton. So... pretty dang British.

Axel's frowned, mumbling, "Oh. Sorry."

"Look, mate, it's okay, just... don't do it again, alright?" the girl asked.

Axel nodded. She blew air hard through her nose.

"Okay, good," she said. "I... uh... was there something you wanted to talk about, or...?"

"Uh, yeah. Well... kinda," Axel replied. "Weston got this GameStop gift card, for his birthday I think... and he, well, wanted some company while he was browsing and stuff, you know? You wouldn't mind... right?"

"Sorry, mate," she grunted, pulling her backpack on her lap. "I'm busy."

Axel grinned, brow raised."Busy? With what? Detention?"

The redhead didn't answer. Axel's playful smile slowly turned into a frown.

"... Wait, I was... uh... just joking. You didn't... right?"

She pushed up her glasses, then zipped up her bag. Not a word.

"Evanna." Axel put a hand on her shoulder, trying to look reassuring but the closest he could get was a wonky grimace. "You can tell me. I'm... not going to judge you, or anything.

"I know you wont," she said, "It's just... I wasn't thinking and they had it coming, and -"

"Who? Hazen? Cameron? Jobe?"

She sighed, pushing her glasses back up again. "All the above."

"And plus I had to pick something up after school, but guess what now?" she continued. "Guess that's fifty dollars down the sodding drain, huh?"

Axel paused. He thought for a couple seconds before muttering, "... I can pick it up for you."

Evanna turned around, brows raised. "What?"

"I said... I can pick up whatever it is you, well, bought," Axel said,  "I can do that much."

"No, I wouldn't have - "

"Evanna, please. Just let me help."

Evanna's eyes widened, a grin forming on her lips. "You... you would really do that? For me?"

He nodded, smiling wide. She smiled right back.

"So, where'd I got to go? Walmart? Target?"

"Ah... no. The Black Shack."

He looked down, smirk quickly shifting to a frown. "... You... you mean the Black Shack? The - "

"Yes, the pawn shop. Y'know, the one on the edge of town? That isn't too much to ask, is it?"

He brought back his composure, bringing a smile back. "Uh... no, of course not! I'll get it done! I swear!"

RRRRRING!

Evanna shot up, slumping her bag over her shoulder. She grinned, putting a hand on Axel's shoulder.

"Best get a move on," she said, walking away, "Don't want to be late, mate."

She slammed the door shut on her way out, leaving Axel completely alone in the empty classroom.

He closed his eyes, rubbing his temples idly. "The edge of town... the Black Shack... tonight... alone. Welp... what's the worst that can happen?"

Axel pushed the rusted doubled doors open, the thick smell of musk and cigarette smoke overwhelming his senses immediately. He stepped into the building, replacing the warm wind of the outside with the cool overworked AC of the shop inside. The place was large yet small, everything some various shade of brown except for a couple of neon signs on display, the carpet, and not much else. The walls were packed to the absolute brim with multicolored, mismatched junk, from big pencils to full on severed animal heads displayed above the cashier's counter like some sort of grim decoration. Below the heads there was a wooden sign, reading 'The Black Shack'.

The door slammed behind Axel, sucking out the last of the Autumn air and making such a huge slam! the teen almost jumped. Almost. It was more of a flinch than anything. He slowly walked across the main area of the pawn shop, eyes dancing over the shop's many... unique wares. He stopped at the counter, where a tall, almost stupidly buff man stood there with a salmon shirt so tight it looked like it was painted on. He had a nametag, 'MUSTAFA' sloppily written on with Sharpie.

The man's mouth stretched across his face, in a... smile? Frown? Both? It was hard to say. Anyway, the man, Mustafa, looked down at Axel, and, well, did that again, saying, "Ah... well, suck my ass and call me Dyson. I thought it was you. I could smell the teenage mediocrity the second you opened the door."

"Uh... is that a good thing?" Axel asked.

"Maybe, maybe, who knows..." the cashier shrugged slowly, cracking a toothy grin. "But, bah. Whatever. Why can I do for ya, boy? Is it... did you come for the circumcisions?"

To say Axel was confused would be an understatement. "... Circumcision?"

"Yeah. Y'know, circumcisions. It's when you take a small boy, keep them from wormin' and squirmin', and take a fresh knife and just real easy take a small snip from their pe - "

"Jesus, I know what it is! Christ, it's just... don't you need, like, a doctorate to that or something? Or you could go to... like, jail."

Mustafa chuckled deep. "Not if you don't get caught."

He laughed again at seeing the boy's expression, adding, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. We only supply the most legal circumicisions in these parts, my word. So, uh... yeah. Did you have a question, or...?"

"I'm here to pick up."

"Okay. Cool, cool..." Mustafa took out a small paper taped to the register, squinting. "What's the name?"

"Seelig. Evanna Seelig."

The big man raised his eyebrows, leaning over. "School must be torture, huh?"

"It's not my name," Axel explained, "I'm... picking up for a friend."

"Okay, give me a sec..." the cashier ducked under the counter, coming back up with a large cardboard box he was ruffling in with his spare hand. He pulled out a CD, black, with a group of boys on the cover with enough tattoos to give a Republican a heart attack. "Here it is! ''Till Death Do Us Mario Kart', Cataclitsm's newest album. Free razor blade in every package!"

His smile became strained. "I'm serious."

Axel took the CD from him slowly, saying, "Uh. Thanks."

"No problemo. Have a nice day!" Mustafa waved at the teenager while he walked away from the counter. Axel slipped the CD into his jacket pocket, grabbing the front door with his free hand and pulled it  -

The door slammed open hard, almost knocking Axel straight over. Before the boy knew what was happening the man behind the door grabbed him by his jacket collar, pulling him close and - to Axel's horror, drew what looked like a gun and pointed it at his chin. The couple of customers in the shop were terrified, screaming. One customer tried to make a dash to the backdoor, only for a second man to jump out of nowhere, tackling the woman to the ground and slamming his fist into her jaw, her head falling limp onto the carpet below.

"Everyone, hands where I can see 'em!" the man behind Axel yelled, taking a rugged ski mask out of his pocket and tugging it over his balding dome. "This is a robbery!"

Axel knew he couldn't break free. He knew he couldn't scream, couldn't run away. He couldn't do anything, anything at all... except groan.

The autumn air of Calcheri Valley became flooded with long, shrieking scream of sirens. The source of the cries came from three police cars, SUVs, pulling up into the now barricaded-off parking lot of the only pawn shop in miles - The Black Shack. Dozens of citizens, ranging from worried soccer moms to pumped up edgelords, were plastered to the barricade, trying to scoot closer or to crane their head for a better look, but the surrounding police shoved back anyone who tried.

With a loud slam! the door to the biggest police car threw open, a single black cowboy boot stepped out onto the pavement below. A second boot followed, then a gloved hand, slamming the door shut behind its owner. He was a big man, not really length wise but definitely width. He was dressed in a traditional police uniform, a black cowboy hat tipped over his brow. He took the cigar out of his mouth, lips tracing the area it was, and let it drop onto the floor.

He took a couple of wide steps forward, coming up to a pair of younger looking cops a couple of feet away from the front door. The closer one's eyes widened as the man walked close, stuttering out, "Oh! Chief! We, uh, didn't expect you to make it out here today, sir - "

"What's the situation?" the chief asked, tone laced with a Midwestern drawl.

"Two men have the building on lockdown. At lease one is visibly armed," the police officer replied. "The other... we're not sure. But we're not going to take any chances, sir."

The chief grinned, taking out another cigar. "Good. S.W.A.T. inbound in five minutes so let's just try to stall in the meantime so nobody gets - "

"That's it? That's all you're going to bloody do?"

The three police men turned their heads and looked down, at the five-foot-something redhead girl standing directly behind them, arms crossed and all.

One of the younger cops looked around, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "How... how did she - ?"

"Evanna Seelig." The chief turned around, smile wide yet strained. "I would ask what you're doing out here all by yourself, but I'm frankly scared of the answer. Maybe you - ah, your father's here, isn't he? Please, remind that man that until he gets a valid licence in this country he is not allowed to interfere in our busi - "

"He's not here," Evanna interrupted. "I'm alone."

"Ah. Then, maybe you just wanted to look at the crime scene? Because, if so, you can do so behind the safety of the barricades over there, where everyone else is - "

"My friends in there, probably scared out of his bloody mind and you're not even doing anything?" Evanna asked, tone harsh. "You're just all standing around with your head up your arses instead of actually doing something about - "

"We can't just run on in there willy-nilly. If we did, your friend will be die," the chief growled. "Look, we've got this under control. Just run off and let us handle this, okay?"

With a puff, Evanna turned around, slowly walking away from the shop.

"Under control my arse..." she muttered under her breath.

"Run along, now," one of the police officers added, taking a sip of his Big Gulp. "This is no place for little girls."

Evanna felt her face redden, her fists clench. She had over a dozen comebacks she could snap back, half of which would get her arrested, but... she held her tongue. She jammed her hands into her pockets, making her way back to the barricade with everyone else.

"Good luck, Axel..." she whispered, "You're going to need it..."

"All right, let me have a look at ya's..."

The tension in the Black Shack could be cut with a Frank 'N Furter-esque meat cutter. The dozen or so people in there were on their knees, bound by rope to one of multiple vintage barbershop poles in the pawn shop. The folk in there were mostly older, expressions ranging from terrified to slightly inconvenienced. The man standing above them all wearing a ski mask, however, was... less stressed about the whole situation.

"Hmm... not too bad, not too bad..." the man paced back and forth, wet boots squishing on the open carpet. He turned his head to the right, eyes narrowed at his guests. "Here's the deal, duckies. My friend and I's the boss of this joint now, so if any of ya's so much as think ya want to play hero or some shit like that, well... don't. Or it's the gutter for ya!" He pulled out his gun, a small pistol, and whipped out around towards an older man who at this point was bawling his eyes out. The burglar chuckled, stuffing the firearm back in his pocket. "Good... good."

"Now, uh... where the fuck is - oy, there ya are!" The man craned his head towards the nearby back door, which was wide open, with the second robber from before stepping in.

"Sorry, dude," the second man mumbled, brushing his hands on his jeans. "Had to take a piss."

"There's a bathroom right over there, dumbass." The first man jerked his gun behind him, towards an ajar door in the corner.

"I know, but... the smell in there is horrid," the second man explained, "I'm a man with standards, you know."

"You could've gotten caught, ya twink! Lookie outside, there's cops up the whazoo out there! If ya blew this operation right outta the gate, I'd..."

"Raise your voice? Swear? Use unnecessary slang terms to put your point across?"

The first guy paused, thinking it over. Begrudgingly, he muttered, "... All of the above..."

"But, uh, 'ey, that's not important!" he continued, turning back to the crowd of onlookers. "We're here to steal some shit and get out unscathed! An', I don't know 'bout you, but my finger's are feelin' awful sticky right now!"

"Try adding a lil' Vaseline to your showers," his friend said. "Trust me: it works wonders."

"I... it was an expression!" the burglar cried, teeth bared through his mask. "Dumbass!"

"Bah, whatever! Grab the bag and let's get to work! Whoo!"

He threw a bag to his friend, the second catching it effortlessly and scooping an entire counter's full of trinkets into it in moments. The two searched around and under everything, shoving everything from the smallest junk to the most expensive treasure into the sack, all while laughing like criminals in a bad police drama.

Axel watched it all in silence, the man tied tied onto his pole with him passed out. Craning his head to the right, Axel saw it: the back door, still slightly open from when the second robber came in. He furrowed his eyebrows, grinding his teeth, and turned his head around, where the CD he came to the Black Shack for was laying directly behind his tied fists.

I've got an idea, he thought, droplets of sweat forming on his brow. It's stupid, but hey. It's an idea...

A loud skid echoed through the parking lot as a large, dark blue van pulled up into lot, 'S.W.A.T.' stenciled on the side in big blocky letters. The chief of police sat up, a wide grin forming under his bushy beard as the back of the truck burst open, and half a dozen heavily armored men came swarming onto the scene.

"Finally! Feels like I've been waiting for years..." the police chief grumbled, turning to two police officers to his side, munching doughnuts. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get in position!"

"Yes, sir!" they cried, rushing off out of view.

"Good... good." He drew a walkie talkie off the front of his jacket, turning the frequency and putting the device up to his mouth. "Attention officers! S.W.A.T.'s inbound so back down for now, except... hmm... Jefferson and Stine, report to the front. Who knows, maybe they'll need assist -

"I somehow doubt the sodding S.W.A.T. team need two overpaid, over-glorified janitors to help them, but eh. You learn something new everyday."

"Goddammit Seelig! What the hell did I tell you about coming out here alone? The freakin' ner - "

"I'm not alone," Evanna said, stepping the side. "I brought a friend."

Behind her was Weston, who flashed the chief with a quick flurry of fingers guns and an "Eyyyy!"

"Jesus, it gets worse..." the chief grumbled, holding his temple. "Look. Since I'm a kind, benevolent ma - "

"Debatable."

"- man, I'll give you five seconds to get out of here before I have Jefferson and Stine escort you out personally. Do you understand?"

"Why's that vent open?" Weston asked, pointing ahead

"I... what?" the chief turned around, and, sure enough, on the side of the pawn shop an air vent was wide open, its cover lying alone in the dirt.

The bearded man turned back around, grumbling, "Well, uh, that's where the second robber entered the building when the burglary first happened, obviously. It... it doesn't matter! You're trying to stall, and I won't have - "

"If that's so, then why is no one investigating that area?" Evanna asked. "Couldn't you just go through the vent and sneak into the building that way, without making all this 'armor and guns' display?"

"Well, we can't! The vent is too small! All of our men surely couldn't fit. But... bah! I've had enough of this!" the chief slowly strolled away, towards the S.W.A.T. van in the back. "I'll be back in five minutes and if you two aren't vacant from the reminisce, I'll escort you out myself!"

The police captain disappearing out of view, Weston turned to his redhaired friend, smiling wide. "Hey Eve."

"Hmm?"

He chuckled, nodding his head towards the open vent. "I think I've got a plan... and whoo boy. Is it a doozy..."

"Oh shit, S.W.A.T.!"

"There 'ere? Fuck!"

The two criminals peered through stilted blinds, the second one leaning away with his face twisted in terror. "You... you said we wouldn't get to this point! Y-You said we would be outta here before the cops even knew what's-what! You said - "

"I know what I said," his partner growled, turning his head away and back to the shop. "We've gotta bail, now."

"But what about...?" the second burglar waved his hand around, to the bound onlookers tied to the poles.

The first reached into his pocket, drawing out his gun. He cocked it, smiling. "Easy. We waste 'em all."

Seemingly everyone on the ground screamed and yelled, pleaded for their lives with red panting faces. Their eyes reflected pure horror - similar to the look, actually, of the second burgler.

"We can't kill them! What the hell are you talking about?!" he cried.

"We're already goin' to jail, Hank, there's no escape from this one!" the first yelled back. "Even if we get outta here right now, them... they're witnesses. Just cleanin' up loose ends, see?"

"'Loose ends'? What the crap are you talkin' about? Just listen to yourself, dude - !"

All while the two were arguing and bickering Axel watched, carefully, scanning every movement. The first took a step forward, the second fumbling back in reaction. They did this, again and again, until the second robber was within kicking distance of the teen. Axel peered behind him, nonchalantly, like stretching his neck. His hands fumbled, the teen using the little vision he had to find the CD and grab it. He popped the case open gently, reaching in while avoiding making any sound with the hard plastic. His fingers felt around, towards something different, until... metal. Cold steel. He picked it up, feeling the small object. It was smooth, the top and bottom edges serrated and awfully sharp.

Perfect.

Axel waited for the perfect moment. The first robber yelled "Shit!", causing the second to jump and take just one more step back. Axel positioned himself and, now equipped, he went to work.

He stroked the razor blade across the rope, slowly. Nothing at first.

He ran it across again. Still nothing.

That third glide did it. He felt the bind grow looser and looser until he could feel the pressure off of his aching wrists, his circulation coming back to flow. The older man tied up next to Axel, however, didn't feel anything. He fainted a long time ago.

Axel waited, keeping his body as still as possible. The first burglar walked across the room, pointing his gun at a woman to her obvious horror. The second arched his shoulders, yelling at his partner. His eyes, focus, and full attention was there.

Alright Axel, he thought, bracing his body tight, It's now - or never.

Axel exploded up off the floor, so fast that the second robber barely had time to react to the knee now dug deep in his crotch. He howled, toppling over on top of one of the prisoners below. Now on his feet with adrenaline rushing through his veins, Axel connected eyes with the back exit - and started sprinting.

He ran as fast as his body could take him, beelining straight to the door. He was getting closer, and closer, and closer. He reached his arm out, fingertips brushing the metal, and then -

"Got ya, ya little shit!" The first burglar shouted into Axel's ear, grabbing his jacket tight. Axel panicked - he stopped, trying to tear off his outerwear while the criminal pulled him closer, and closer, a wide grin brimming on his masked face.

The man reached for his gun, snickering, "Should have kept your head down, kid..."

Suddenly, there was a rumble. Quiet at first but growing so loud that the nearby shelves and trinkets began shaking madly. The source of the noise, judging by everyone's eyes, was above.

"What the fuckin' hel - "

Before the words could escape his mouth the ceiling exploded open, tiles and pipes raining from above justice style. The worst of it, however, was the vent, which fell straight down with a loud WHA-UUMP!, heading straight for the burglar dome.

Before he could get out a "Shit!" the vent crashed on top of him hard, its length so, well long, that it tore through the nearby counter-tops, tables, and everything between, crumbling the store and one of its invaders underneath it with a thundering, floor shaking CRRRRSHHHH!! Axel stood there in front of the wreckage, eyes wider than the door behind him. Swallowing hard, he turned heel, and sprinted right outta there.

The second robber hauled ass, towards the escaping hostage with the look of a man who just watched his partner-in-crime crushed by an air vent. "Hey... you!" he shouted, voice as wobbly as his hand, which he used to reach to the floor and pick up his friend's firearm. He cocked it back, aiming to the back of the almost gone teen... and screamed as he heard a loud CRACK! and the gun in his hand was gone - as was one of his fingers. He crumbled to the ground, still crying, as the front door smashed open and a couple of armored men ran into the place, the letters S.W.A.T. stenciled... well, pretty much everywhere.

From out of the wreckage and rubble, the first burglar pulled himself out, one arm first, then with a loud "Urrrrgh!" his upper body popped out into the open air, gasping for air and cursing up a storm.

"How... how the hell?" He looked over, at the incoming police arresting his partner and the air vent next to his (probably destroyed) legs. "How... how did - ?"

A foot connected with his chest, sending him falling to the ground with an "Ooof!" He tried to sit back up but he was forced back down, the same foot keeping him hard in place. He squinted his eyes, trying desperately to get a look.

It... it was a girl, a teenager, with long red hair and glasses, looking down at him with an expression between a smile and a sneer. Behind her the end of the vent burst open, a small beanied kid craning his head out, looking as surprised as he was right about now.

"Jesus Eve..." Weston mumbled, grinning. "We really... raised the roof, huh? Ha ha ha!!"

"It's sorta the exact opposite of that but... whatever," she replied.

"Why...?" the robber croaked out, "... Why... would ya do this?"

Evanna leaned in close, pressing him back even farther until he couldn't do anything but wheeze. Then, she said, "The same reason most things are done. Revenge... and male incompetence."

[sueboohscorner]

#iZombie S3 Episode 3 "Eat, Pray, Liv" Recap/Review with Spoilers

"Eat, Pray,Liv"

Zombie Dark Thirty

We join Major in an intense session of zombie army training.  What is it about a man in uniform? Looking good Major!

"Lunch time! Get 'em while their goopy!" -army dude

Major is not too thrilled with the processed brains given out at zombie training. He's gotten used to Liv's yummy brainy dishes. Back at the place he shares with his "best bud" Ravi he complains about the food to a still obviously depressed Ravi. The upside to the army brains is they are made of a formula that prevents visions which Major is happy about so he can focus on finding Natalie again. Can't he eat those teen girl brains every week though?

Meanwhile at a snazzy piano bar something extremely curious is taking place! Peyton is dressed to kill and Blaine is performing at the piano bar!

So, of course, the Bleyton shippers are excited! Blaine explains this is his new gig. I couldn't be happier-love to hear Blaine sing or, do anything really...

Blaine seeks legal advice from Peyton. Says he got a call from his dad's lawyer. Reminder: Blaine's dad was recently unfrozen unbeknownst to Blaine. She agrees to help with some very obvious flirtatious undertones. I am still TEAM RAVI!

Namaste

Which takes to the "death of the week," a yoga studio. Our latest meal for Liv is suddenly bludgeoned to death. Death by Buddha statue! That's just wrong!

Clive is on the scene and we learn the victim is Topher, a powerful mindfulness teacher. ROLLS EYES.

"Topher said he only had one enemy, the inability to accept the gift of change..."-Ladybird (Witness)

Clive explains the situation to Ravi and Liv as another cop on the scene finds a possible witness. A drunk homeless man who claims to have seen a subject flee the scene with a trash bag. Liv and Clive check out a dumpster in the alley where Clive decides to take a dive.

Clive scores! He finds a trash bad with a bloody shoe and then suggests Liv has Topher lunch and he takes a much needed shower!

Back at the lab Liv concocts some "special teas for her and Ravi..." She accidently gives him the one spike with brains and is grossed out by his penchant for almond milk! SHE is grossed out????

Poor Ravi. Just not his week!

Ravi ponders if Topher died with any regrets...he needs to take action with his Peyton problem STAT! Soon Ravi's old boss, Katty arrives at the lab. She is still trying to figure out the weird issues with the zombies bodies. She is quite curious which could definitely present a problem for the team. Just then Liv's guru brains kick in and she gets philosophical on us. Katty has definitely been doing her homework on mysterious death cases involving zombies. Just like the Supermax case she has found evidence of another woman found dead with human brains in her system. Plus, the condition of the body indicated she had died months before her actual death.

"So now Seattle is Ground Zero for this investigation!" -Katty

Meanwhile at Peyton's office...

Ravi pays a much overdue visit! Brrr...it's cold in there! He apologizes for his jealousy over Blaine but can't seem to help that it irks him to no end. He admits to replaying the sexual encounter over and over again in his head. Peyton gives him the what for.

"Your opinion in this matter is irrelevant!" -Peyton She's NOT wrong!

Back at Blaine's funeral home...

Blaine is awaiting Peyton's arrival for the meeting with his dad's lawyer.  He is still not sure why this meeting is happening due to his ongoing memory loss.

As Blaine makes small talk with his visitors, Peyton arrives to inform Blaine he is talking to his father. Blaine is shocked but agrees he is not entitled to money from the will considering his father is alive and happily signs the documents needed to avoid it.

"Once you get back on your feet we should uh...well, you tell me. What is it we used to do together?" -Blaine

Dad has no problem telling Blaine he was a crappy son! Peyton kicks them out and they gladly leave. But I doubt it's the last we will see of Blaine's father.

Back at the Police Station Liv is on Zen brains and is here to help. Mostly with philosophical observations. We find out Topher was mixed up in some shady business. so we could have a suspect.

Major is back at army training but isn't quite the star student yet. He makes a new friend, Justin who explains they are just a couple of rookies in the midst of former mercenaries and real army men who caught the zombie bug. Justin leaves with words of encouragement just as Major experiences a cough attack. He's not looking so hot,

But he marches on with his search for Natalie and visits Blaine for information. Major tells him what he did to Natalie and Blaine admits maybe his dad had a point! Major asks Blaine if he remembers what it felt like before Blaine took the cure when he was dying. He doesn't of course but says he's sure it wasn't good. Major is getting concerned. Blaine is able to help major with the Natalie search but he's worried he doesn't have long to find her.

Meanwhile, Blaine's Dad and his minion are looking to set up a business, Looks like a Zombie bar maybe? Humans allowed but only for the appetizers. They start dreaming creative ways to keep the establishment zombie's only.

Back at the lab...Ravi is giving Major a physical.

Major is deteriorating rapidly. He has weeks and then he will have to take the cure. Which means memory wipe, just like Blaine.

"Identity is just a hallucination of the unenlightened mind anyway!"-Liv

Ravi is not ready to give up on him. Remember he has been working on a serum to reverse memory loss and says it's ready. Well-hypothetically. it hasn't been tested on anyone but rats. Hmmm...who could they test it on? Blaine!!! But Blaine doesn't trust them.

If only there was someone he did trust. Let's think!

Liv gets a text from Clive about the murder suspect...so off to the police station.

The suspect seems way too cocky and clueless to be their man. Plus, if the shoe doesn't fit; you must acquit!  But he does offer up his theory on who might have done it and this time-the shoe fits! But this guy isn't quite right either, he states his shoes were stolen when he came home one night and felt the "energy" in his place was all wrong.  Plus look at him...he just doesn't seem murdery to me!

Meanwhile at the lab, Ravi is frustrated in his quest to save Major from experiencing the side effects from the cure.

Suddenly, Katty appears with more information about her victim with the brains in her digestive tract. She tells Ravi the girl was at the infamous boat party the day before she died. Whoa!

Ravi plays dumb but she doesn't notice and invites him to dinner.

Liv and Clive are on a stake out. As they argue about methods, a uniform drives up and tells him someone complained about a pimp yelling at a hooker in a car outside her house. Meaning Clive and Liv! Clive notices a curtain close above so they pay the nosy neighbor a visit. They are trying to find the original homeless man who was the witness to the tail-end of the crime. The lady explains she has seen the homeless man running down the alley and throwing a garbage bag in the dumpster. Witness now becomes main suspect.

I just noticed Liv hasn't had one vision during this entire episode. Wonder what's up with that?

Back at zombie army training...Major has finally become the badass trainee we all knew he could be and gets a pat on the back from his commander.

Later Liv shows up at Major's house to some jams being blasted. When she enters she finds Major and his new army pal playing Dance Dance Revolution!

Liv joins the party and as Major is making brainy appetizers, he has a cough attack. He longingly looks at Liv as she dances with Justin. He knows his death is imminent if he doesn't take the cure but the thought of not remembering his love for Liv is truly heartbreaking.

Back at the station, turns out creepy Mitch from earlier actually posed as the homeless man to murder Topher. A little confused on how we got there...but I'll roll with it. Something about money and a letter from Prison but I am pretty bored with this murder investigation so luckily the beautiful Peyton arrives to give me a much needed distraction!

Back at the lab Major, Ravi and Blaine are discussing Blaine's new career as a lounge singer as Peyton and Liv show up. THE GANG'S ALL HERE!

Ravi explains about the serum that can possibly eradicate the memory loss.

Ravi gives his best sales pitch to the skeptical Blaine.

Peyton: Could it kill him?

Ravi: It probably won't.

Peyton: But it could...

Problem is, Blaine doesn't WANT to remember the person he is. But Ravi makes a fair argument that he basically owes them this It's a chance to atone!

Ravi begins to scream and Peyton asks a simple question. Why are you being such a dick?

"Isn't obvious? It's because I'm in love with you!" -Ravi

Apparently, the love confession or all the passion in the room moves Blaine and he agrees to be the guinea pig. Blaine! I just love you!

We return to a much spruced up version of Blaine's dad's new zombie club complete with a new moniker.

ooI'm going to take a wild guess and assume this place will become very important in the new future. I am still worrying what's going to happen to Blaine if he gets his memory back! Blaine's dad should be worried about that too.

Back at Ravi's, Peyton pays an intense visit. She can't understand that if he loves her why has he been so bloody awful to her. I don't get it either Peyton. MEN!

"Don't you get it? The one thing that is stopping us from happening is YOU!" -Peyton to Ravi

YES! But then.... Peyton here's a noise....

EPISODE RATING 8

I thought it was good but the murder story was fairly boring for me. I am enjoying the Blaine Ravi rivalry and want to see more of that!