#food for our grandmothers
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Every time the Ballerina farm discourses comes by, it sends shivers down my spine. For like personal reasons.
#I actually do harbour the dream of having a hobby farm one day#but then when I mention this to my father who actually grew up on a farm he gets a thousand yard stare and little annoyed with me#like the 35k oven and the ten kids are justā¦..#idk my dad doesnāt talk about his childhood bc it was so miserable#I literally just found out this year that my grandmother would hide her kids from CPS in the woods bc homeschooling was illegal then#and to be clear I hundred percent believe my dad and his siblings should have been in actual school#I found a newspaper clipping of an interview my dad#and he mentions his family having to choose between heating and food and that Michigan winters got pretty damn cold#and food is such a big deal in our house bc he literally never got enough to eat as a kid#anyway#this is me saying that the Ballerina Farm family and their gobs of money playing at being farmers really creeps me out
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after a night of boisterous fun i just got back from the local cemetery for some more solemn contemplation. said prayers for and made offerings to not just my own ancestors who are buried here but to the ancestors of my people in general.
#specifically i cleaned my grandfather's and grandmother's graves#lit a couple candles#then had a little brunch picnic#and i left some offerings of food and a few coins#and said a prayer and poured out some bourbon and tequila#now i'm back home#might go to a local parade#it's a celebration of the day of the dead and the dodgers' victory#later on i will prepare another feast and we will hopefully of another merry night#in remembrance and honor of our ancestors that came before us
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#vent tw#death mention tw#okay I need to post this bc Iām. going to explode into a million shattered parts if I donāt#my grandmother on my moms side who lived with us my whole teen years. who I helped care for. passed last night before I could go visit her#and instead of IDK FUCKING CALLING ME TO TELL ME my estranged idiot sister just texts me basically āOop she died š¤Ŗā#what the actual fuck#I deserve to hear from our mom? I deserve to hear like the rest of the fucking family?#my cousin did it right and said ācall your momā but you just fucking take it on yourself?? how inconsiderate and conceited to take that away#how little do you see of me to not show basic fucking compassion??#I will never not hold this with me every time I think of my grandmothers passing#Iām a fucking adult. Iāve lived on my own for 3 god damn years. and yet you canāt extend me the BASIC FUCKING RESPECT of letting me find out#the RIGHT WAY#I broke my no contact out of respect for my grandma. I promised to walk into a house I was fucking prisoner in half my life.#I looked past my pain and my trauma out of basic fucking human decency and she couldnāt wait a few hours to let the news reach me properly#and before I can even say my goodbyes sheās gone and this is how you tell me??#she KNEW I was in contact with our mom again#she KNEW#I lived with grandma I HELPED TAKE CARE OF HER#I picked her off the floor when she fell I made her food when she was hungry I READ HER BOOKS WHEN HER HANDS SHOOKTOO BAD#I knew they were monsters but are you fucking kidding me?? this is so so low Iām in fucking shock#I thank my partner and their family every fucking day for teaching me what real love is#because after you live your whole life trying to love people who are only playing roles for the sake of appearance you can never go back to#the cold lifeless greyscale power plays they call unconditional love#god I just#Iām just so fucking tired
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The problem with USAmerican recipes is that most of them call for ingredients that don't exist outside of the US and/or ready mixes. If I wanted to use a ready mix I would read the instructions on the box. Ergo functionally useless to me.
The problem with Brazilian recipes is that most of them are written as if they are just reminding you of how to make something you already know how to make. As such, information like how long to bake something, or what temperature the oven should be on, high or low fire on the stove, or even on occasion what kind of spoon (table or teaspoon) to use is deemed extraneous. Which is also functionally useless.
I end up using the Brazilian recipes while checking English-language ones for baking time/temp and verifying spoon sizes. And also just a healthy dollop of doing whatever the hell I want anyway, because in the end I am Brazilian after all.
#I actually think brazilian recipes are like that for two reasons#one is that until recently generally your mum or grandmother would teach you to cook#so they really are meant as reminders like don't forget x in recipe#or here is the best order of operations#and the second is that mathematical precision in food accuracy isnt really our thing#our thing is oh this is good what if i did this would it make it better?#thats why our pizz is like that and our sushi#as a culture we are very creative with food#so of course the recipe is like yeah go ahead and put 'a couple spoons of mayo'#and not like 2 unheaped tablespoons or 2 oz or whatever of mayo#bc its supposed to be about the vibe#also americans and their ready made food#i came across an easy cake recipe which was literally#just the instructions to assemble a 2 tier cake out of cake mix#that is not a cake recipe#then use x brand basil tomato sauce#or premade pie dough#or x brand sugar alternative#2 cans of x brand something or other#none of this is anything to me
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Dealing with the remnants of someone elseās life is fucking impossible.
#my dad passed yesterday and iām having to sort through his stuff#and itās kind of insane because he was a hoarder who hadnāt touched my bedroom since i left fifteen years ago#literally there is still a box of rainbow goldfish on the nightstand (obviously mice have gotten to it but still)#i got a bunch of photos because i had little evidence i existed before age like thirteen#and all i really wanted from his house was a photo of me and my grandmother#his siblings are going to make it impossible for this to be easy because his brother is like nothing in this house is yours except the#photos thatās it you have no claim to anything because this is my land take your photos and leave#and his sister is the worst#lots of family drama and honestly i donāt want any part in it#and everyone has so much to say about me and the way our relationship ended fifteen years ago but thatās on him not me#but i donāt want anything i just want this to be done and to go home#i want it to be over with#iām exhausted and hungry but i also donāt want food#iām not grieving but maybe i am i donāt know#I just want to leave now#txt
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every time i think the "staff can do no wrong and any form of complaining or expressing literally anything other than "yaaay love it <3" with no further comments is bashing and literally evil we should never say anything that could even potentially be interpreted as mildly critical ever because ~some artist who worked hard on this is probably reading the forums and might feel bad if we ever express anything but praise~ also we must be constantly positive at all times unless we're passive-aggressively shaming someone for having an extremely polite and apologetically worded criticism and if you ask the staff for literally anything you had better be prepared to preface it with 3 paragraphs of apologizing for breathing air" attitude is bad on tumblr, i take one look at the forums, and holy fucking hell is it SO much worse on site
#i go for years at a time without ever bothering to look at fr forums#and then every time i do i remember why i stopped#it feels like a goddamned cult on there and every time i dip my toes i come out feeling slimy and sick#as if i just spent an hour being aggressively gaslit by my extremely manipulative grandmother#what the fuck is wrong with everyone#i'm glad i decided to keep this creepy fucking fandom at arm's length and mostly just lurk years ago#that place is not a healthy environment for anyone to be in#flight rising#legitimately the single worst fandom i've ever had the misfortune of being adjacent to#and in such a creepy and insidious way too#they'll call you an entitled whiny baby to your face and then convince you it's your fault and you're a horrible person for feeling offende#it feels like being neck deep in the absolute worst kind of preformative sj spaces#you know the ones where everyone interacts primarily via callout posts and there's discourse over if crossdressing is cultural appropriatio#that kind of toxic sj space type energy#but somehow combined with like this weird feeling of being in a mormon church in a deep south town#where all the ānice grandmasā will try to put poison in your food if they find out you're gay or voted blue even one time#and it's somehow gotten SO much worse since the last time i looked on there#they've got people literally apologizing for existing what the fuck how is this normal to any of you people#this is so far beyond toxic positivity it's like. crossbred with passive-aggression and shaming and metastatized into something new entirel#it's terrifying. i hope flight rising never shuts down just so that whatever the fuck this is can stay semi-contained.#pro tip: the more a fandom is universally convinced it's Wonderful and Welcoming the faster you should run the other way#actually good fandoms don't have to constantly reassure themselves and everyone that they're great and perfect and toxicity-free#nor do they react with immediate borderline violence to the slightest suggestion there might be anything wrong with the fandom culture#anything wrong other than āpeople like you who think there's something wrong with our perfect communityā anyway#on that note also any fandom that insistently calls itself a ācommunityā just. yeah. no.#get out while you still can.#fandoms work on corporate logic if they're trying to convince you they're your family or friend that's not just a red flag#that's a whole damn red fabric store
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Mmmmmm it's very tricky trying to communicate with my neighbour. We visit each other occasionally but she:
Does not speak English or French or Irish - the languages I can make myself understood in.
Does not speak any language I can find decent resources on learning
Speaks only Sorani Kurdish, a language which Google translate does not have a, u know, robo speaky voice for. A language no online translator seems to give pronunciation guides for.
Cannot READ Sorani Kurdish nor English. I thought translate & reading would be our solution but this is not so.
There are no great sorani resources available online. Nothing with a pronuniciation guide or audio that I can find.
If u have any ideas pls let me know cause I am ALL OUT.
#Considering bringing a puzzle next time but like. I don't want to just leave her with a puzzle either?#She keeps leaving us delicious food into our house and she doesn't eat anything we bring her because health? ?? Reasons#Hard to know why exactly! Language barrier! Does she have allergies? Is she not sure what's in it and therefore not wanna try?#Regardless! I can't even talk in food. Also I feel like I have obtained a new grandmother and wanna be able to at least say things like#I will be away for a few weeks or do you need any shopping from town or can I change that smoke alarm battery or. Good morning.#We do a bit of pointing at things and saying the words. I know tea coffee and sugar now.#Frustrachas#Me Fein#She will sometimes phone a child or grandchild to translate. One time she brought her granddaughter round and that was helpful#But she doesn't have family who live in town so it's very aaaaaaaaaaaarghh#Sorani#Sorani Kurdish#Just in case. I guess.
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(personal vent about my sack of shit father ruining christmas again)
me, my fathers only "daughter"/child:
helps my grandmother for weeks to prepare for his christmas party that neither of us wanted (he goes way over the top. invites his friends that are all loud drunks. cooks food we don't like. keeps the whole house up partying into the early hours of the morning. makes a mess and refuses to clean up after himself. doesn't spend time with us and instead hangs out with his friends, even for family holidays and events. etc.
me and my grandmother are disabled, constantly in pain/have stomach issues, and generally just want to be left on our own for holidays, so the whole event is just awful for us)
has been up since 6* in the morning, continuing to prepare for his party so he doesn't throw a hissy fit, running on only a few hours of sleep*, running around from store to store, cleaning, cooking, decoaring, etc.
spends hours trying to wake him up.
after doing everything I am capable of skill/strength wise, I took a two hour power nap before guests come.
helps serve dinner, makes drinks, fulfills every task my father gives me to maintain the delicate peace in the household, cause my grandmother wants to murder him*.
does all of this with no complaint.
my father:
promises his full and undivided attention and help the day before the party (this is the only day he's offered the slightest help outside of making a huge dinner no one but he and his friends wanted), he then breaks this promise, does nothing, delegates every task my grandmother has given him to me, and then leaves at 6 at night to go party, ignoring the amount of cooking he needs to finish.
doesn't come home for almost 12 hours (he came home at 6am), waking me up*, sleeps till 1, leaving me and my gradnmother do 90% of the things that needed to be done today (as his guests are coming at 4).
invites more friends than he originally told us about, ditching us after dinner (which we served) to go hang out outside and blast music so loud it shakes the house.
and then complains that I "slept all day" and "did nothing" so now I need to clean the whole kitchen and all the dishes of over 15 guests, not him, the reason there's such a mess to clean.
he continues to demand this even after something he cooks, knowing I hate it and it makes me feel ill, and stinks up the whole kitchen, making me go lie down because it made me nauseous and gave me a migraine.
I then get to spend the rest of my christmas eve cleaning, doing dishes, while barely holding back tears.
thanks dad, for ruining an already awful christmas, you fucking asshole.
#he does this shit all the time#one year he forget his mothers birthday. almost forgot mothers day. and threw a party āfor herā that was just excuse to trash her house wit#his friends and we were both miserable. he made us clean and serve people and made food we don't like#I'm still fucking pissed about it#he also ruined my last christmas with my grandfather before he passed. so. I have a grudge to say the fucking least.#me and my grandmother are his personal servants and we can't do anything about it if we want to know peace#cause he's a fucking piece of shit#he does this with everything. he used to make my grandmother clean up after him. now he makes me do it#please. whatever god is out there. give me the financial stability to move out and live on my own. I can't keep doing this shit#actually. god. make him move out. let me and my grandmother stay in our family home. just get him to fuck off.#he's the biggest hypocrite. do-nothing. asshole and I hate him#personal vent#fuck my dad#biggest mistake my father made in terms of raising me was not leaving. instead he just ruined every aspect of my life and made me miserable#can't even escape him as an adult
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Cotton candy and cookie dough!āØ
cotton candyā do you prefer savory or sweet food more?
I almost said sweet for this, but tbh as I was typing I realized that's not actually true anymore, lol. I still have a major sweet tooth, but I've started leaning more towards savory food lately.
cookie doughā do you prefer jewel tones or earth tones? (so, do you like cool toned colors more or warm, earthy colors more)
I usually prefer cool tones, but my general preference really just boils down to "I like black"
#the best food ive ever had in my life were these clams in a white wine sauce at Domenica in the Roosevelt hotel in New Orleans#im not a big fan of sea food#mostly becauase its so hit or miss and i only really trust its been prepped right when im at nicer restaurants#which is pretentious as fuck i know#anyways im in new orleans with my parents and grandmother#we orded the clams because we saw them on someone else's table and thought they looked good#i try one becauase I'll try anything once#immediately i see god#its so fuckin good#there is a few seconds of us all quietly losing our shit because these are fuckin divine#and then we stop talking and do nothinf but shovel clams in our mouths#its just us groaning a how *good* they are#when they were gone we literally used the shells to scoop up the sauce and drank it#we completely forgot every manner our southern mama's beat into us#those clams struck some ancient primal instinct in us#they were so good yall#and now the horrible reveal:#THEY AREN'T ON THE MENU ANYMORE#I ALMOST CRIED WHEN I FOUND OUT#my answer
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uncle just ate the last of my bread without asking. i literally put it in a different cabinet so he wouldnt eat it and he still fucking found it. we could barely get anything to eat this week and i was relying on that for like a third of my meals for the week.
#kitty purrs#we found out hes been selling his food stamps. he has access to food but hes selling them to my fuckin grandmother and eating our food
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#tw eyecontact#oc#vontĆ©#anyway context: My grandmother kicked me and my family out of her house in -1ā° bc?? fuck knows!#It's fucking cold and I'm fucking freezing and I hate it here. She makes me regret hating myself so much. No wonder I feel like dying-#everytime she speaks. I know -1 probably isn't that cold; but we're from the swealting south and I'm used to the humid heat!#Kicking us out after it fucking snowed and everything is frozen into an uninsulated storage building we're living out of just feels stupid!#We fucking pay her bills and for her food; me; my mother; and step-dad work our fucking asses off to support a bitch that won't support us-#with basic shit might I add. Not allowed to eat; not allowed to shower;#not allowing even the heat we pay for when freezing outside!#Goddamn! I hate her. I'm cold and shivering. my siblings are too. This is shit it's bullshit I am going to scream#sona#vent art
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TODAY I LEARNED A BACTERIA, pseudomonas syringae, CAN (possibly) CAUSE IT TO RAIN + IS BEING INVESTIGATED FOR IT TO POTENTIALLY BREAK DROUGHTS
#i am vibrating so fast#it could break famines in areas#imagin3 if this bacteria stabilized our food supply.#grandmother in dustbowl mother in sahara daughter in drought etc etc
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you guys won't believe how many times ive had my hand shoved in a birds ass today
#i cook for my household#then my aunts and uncles bc they bought our groceries so it's only right#then cousins#then making sure the neighbours have food#then a grandmother#and then said neighbour asking me to cook her son's turkey and im just. a person pleaser and like to help anyway i can so of course i did#i started cooking at 4/5 am?? and literally been in the kitchen the entire day. its 10 pm#OH ALSO !!! cant go out the kitchen and multitasking and fifty fucking things because !!! i literally have a compromise immune system!#people kept stopping by and im just. dying inside bc i cant get sick or risk it since a head cold always progresses to something severe#also all the cleaning and tidying up as i go#so so excited to get a shower and mimimi#crypt callings
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Don't boil fresh eggs.
That's literally just it! Eggs don't go bad in room temp (unless they're broken!) and the only thing you might encounter eventually (I'm talking closer to 4-5 weeks) is that the yolk gets stuck to the side as it dehydrates slowly. *then* they'll go bad. So you have plenty of time to use them all, the membrane of the egg protects it. If you see those world-end preppers oiling eggs to preserve them fresh, the oil prevents the egg from drying. They'll stay good in the pantry longer than you'd think.
I don't boil any eggs until they've been in the pantry for a few weeks. Like, 2 or 3, at least 2. If I feel like eating lots and lots of eggs, I'll buy another carton just for boiling later, cause otherwise they'll be too fresh to peel and you'll just waste half the egg.
If you have a hard time doing hard-boiled vs soft-boiled by counting minutes, you can get those timers you can place in the boiling water that change colour.
Boiled eggs (non-peeled) stay in the fridge (1-4 degrees celcius, I keep mine around 2-3) just fine for a week or so, the yolk's outer most layer just oxidizes (the same way an apple turns brown). There's no taste difference to oxidation it's just aesthetical.
Fried and peeled things dry very quickly and are a drag to eat, so do those when you're ready to eat. Or not, if the dryness isn't a deal breaker for you. Microwave things with a tiny dash of water on the plate to steam some moisture back into food as you warm it.
You could pickle eggs, but admittedly I've never tried.
When it comes to art, just let it cook. Go loose and refine later. if it's not going and warm ups don't work, your mind needs more rest. You might want to try another medium for a change. Sometimes the rest just takes a long time. You can still find avenues to spend energy and feelings in in the meantime. Especially if you're "bad at resting" that's just your body eventually taking the rest whether you like it or not.
Treat the soft beast that is you gently, you are a human, not a production line <3 (and let eggs sit in the pantry before boiling. enjoy!)
you can be peeling a boiled egg and think to yourself wow. that was so simple. and then you peel another one and itās like being in the throes of war. shell everywhere. egg mangled. tears in your eyes. thatās how god keeps you humble
#I do have to add that I live in Finland/EU so like our food related safeties are- well. safer than the US#so apply where applicable I guess#talk to local grandmothers if you need tips and can't figure out a way to google these things. especially if they're countryside grannies.#I'm usually terrible at giving cooking related advice because my grandmother and greatgrandmother taught me to do it by hand#aka. I don't measure shit I just do it by heart#but luckily your dilemma is more straight forward
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hm
#im just. thinking about pales/tine (censoring to not pollute the actual tag) and lebanon and syria and us#we are so........just the same#the levant arab experience is just so...#same#alawites in turkey have all but lost their culture i don't even know the language#but seeing them seeing the way it was supposed to be#god i don't know#our culture was taken from us in less directly violent ways#but when i see pale/stinian christians i see my own christian arab friends from antakya#when i hear about their food it looks exactly like my grandmother's cooking#i don't know i guess what I'm trying to say is that i think i understand in a way westerners or even non-levant arabs don't#i don't know.
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I would get rid of December because I fucking hate the holidays. Like, yeah? You want to celebrate the supposed birth of Christ? Uh huh? You're going to FORCE the entire family to not only decorate but travel to a place they barely have been for god knows how long only to spend a morning awkwardly opening presents no one wants? Yeah! Sure! Why not! Let's go ahead and throw some terrible traditions on there too! So that way NO ONE IS HAPPY!!!
#I fucking hate Mexican food#for this exact reason#My aunt#really likes#Mexican food#and one year she suggested we have it#for christmas#then the next year we had it again#by accident#So now#every Christmas#our family drives#6 hours#to my grandmothers house#and we're forced to eat#fucking Mexican food#every.#single.#fucking.#year.#I'm so sick and tired of this shit#Because now they expect me to drive there too.#Like#āNo I will not be driving on the highway#I already have mini panic attacks driving normally.ā
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