footyy365

[vincivilworld]

Terrazzo Flooring - Types, applications and Advantages

Terrazzo flooring is a stunning and durable option for residential and commercial spaces. It combines marble, quartz, granite, or glass chips with a cement or epoxy binder to create a unique and elegant surface. Terrazzo floors offer endless design possibilities, with various colours, patterns, and finishes available. With its timeless appeal, durability, and low maintenance, terrazzo flooring is…

[kokoch4n3l]

˗ˏˋ ve kamleya ࿐ྂ "if you want to do something, go fall in love. fulfill your stubborn wish for once"

summary: in which during a deal with overseas businessmen, bonten finds out about your shitty ex from high school

pairing(s): slight bonten x desi!oc, implied mikey x desi!oc

notes: oc is punjabi cuz I said so and this is also kind of a self-insert so... title from my fav hindi song ve kamleya, the video has eng subs btw. dividers by cafekitsune

warnings: dark content 18+, canon typical violence, drug-related business(opium), drug trafficking, slight misogyny, implied/referenced ptsd, past abusive relationship, mean!manjiro, slight insensitivity, blood and gore, implied torture, implied murder, suggestive themes

word count: 3770

The smoky haze of the dimly lit room hung heavy, casting shadows that danced across the faces of the assembled men. Sano Manjiro, the imposing leader of the Bonten gang, sat at the head of the table, his steely gaze surveying the room with a mixture of authority and calm. Around him sat his trusted lieutenants, each one a force to be reckoned with in their own right. The only woman among them, commanded the attention of the room as she rose to address their guests once again after hours of debate. After all, Sano Manjiro trusted no one else to get this deal done. “I understand the… demand, for opium up in the north of India but you should also know we aren’t lowering our price either” She says in English, tone gentle yet somehow firm at the same time 

Her words hung in the air, a subtle reminder of the strength of their position in the negotiations. The guests shifted uncomfortably, keenly aware of the delicate balance of power at play. "We are prepared to meet your needs," she continued in the same language, her gaze steady. "But it must be on terms that are mutually beneficial."

One man clears his throat and speaks up finally. “You must understand Miss, we have no deficiency of suppliers, especially for opium,” The man says in English with a slight accent behind it as he casually adjusts his gold rings “The stuff from Japan is a lot higher in quality which is why we’re here doing this deal anyway. But we—”

“Because it is a lot higher in quality we cannot lower our price” She interjects with a calm smile “You know, labour costs and all” 

The man's expression tightened, his gaze flickering between her and Sano Manjiro as if weighing his options. Behind him, his companions exchanged cautious glances, sensing the tension in the air. "We understand your position," the man replied finally, his tone conceding to the reality of the situation. "But surely there's room for negotiation."

Her smile remained fixed, though her eyes betrayed no hint of compromise. "Of course, negotiations are always possible," she conceded her voice like velvet over steel. "But we must be clear on one thing: our price reflects not just the quality of our product, but the risks we undertake to supply it."

Akashi Takeomi, silent until now, leaned forward slightly. "Our operations are not without their challenges," he added, his voice low back in the same language, his accent a lot thicker than hers "But for the right partners, we are willing to mitigate those risks."

The men turn to each other and start conversing in another language and at the same time, she quietly translates to Takeomi exactly what they’re saying back in Japanese. She eyes Manjiro who’s standing in front of the large floor-to-ceiling windows of the meeting room. It looked like he was zoned out, staring at the skyline of Tokyo but she and the rest of Bonten knew better than to think that. He was listening alright, even when it didn’t look like he was. The rest were just leaning back in their chairs, bored from the constant debate. “Say, Miss…” One of the men, probably the youngest, says in English with a prominent American accent “I hear you’re from India too. What state?”

She raises her brow at the question but responds anyway. “Punjab”

The other men seem to get excited at her answer. Of course, they would. After all, what language were they speaking this entire time to each other? “Really? I knew I recognized that nose from somewhere” One man switches to Punjabi when addressing her “Women from the north are known for being beautiful. I should have known you were from there”

His change of tone catches Manjiro’s attention and he finally, since the beginning of this meeting, turns to look at the businessmen. He obviously didn’t understand what they said but his instincts were something even the executives were afraid of so she won’t doubt that he had gotten the gist of what had been said. She shifts in her seat, Takeomi and the rest of Bonten looking at her curiously. “As much as I appreciate the flattery, we still aren’t lowering our price” She replies calmly in English, knowing replying back in Punjabi would no doubt make Manjiro aggravated as he liked to know what she was saying at all times

The businessmen exchanged uneasy glances, sensing the shift in the atmosphere. Behind them, Sano Manjiro remained silent, his gaze now fixed on her with an intensity that sent a shiver down her spine. She knew that he was listening, that every word spoken in his presence was carefully scrutinized for any hint of deception or weakness. The youngest of the group seemed unfazed by her response, pressing on with his attempts at charm. "Come on, sweetheart," he said, an American accent thick even when speaking in Punjabi, with arrogance. "Surely we can come to some sort of arrangement."

Her smile tightened, a glimmer of steel beneath her gentle facade. "I'm afraid not," she replied in English, her tone cool and final. "Our price is non-negotiable."

The tension in the room was palpable, the air heavy with the weight of unspoken threats. It’s just then the door of the meeting room opens revealing a new face. “Sorry I’m late, traffic in Tokyo is—”

Manjiro waves the newcomer off. He was obviously with the other businessmen. The other executives are annoyed as hell with the lateness, after all the meeting had been going on for hours already, but don’t mention it as they’re tired. But that’s when Manjiro notices his only female executive has gone still. She’s frozen which is extremely uncharacteristic of her and it worries him. So he does the first thing that comes to mind. “How about we take a break.” He says, voice low and everyone knows it’s not an offer but a command

Manjiro headed for the door of the meeting room and his executives followed behind, Takeomi having to literally drag her to stand at one point. They’re in the elevator. Manjiro eyes her as she removes her red-bottomed heels from her feet, sighing in relief. The elevator is going up to the top floor. “Any weaknesses so far?” Kakucho asks, his voice breaking the silence

“Punctuality apparently” Ran mutters in annoyance 

They all look toward her, wondering what she had to say but instead, she’s silent, holding her heels in one hand, leaning against the elevator wall looking very out of breath. Rindo snaps his fingers in front of her face. “Dude” he says

“Hm?” she looks up at him, uncharacteristically dazed

Usually, she would have snapped at him, kicked Rindo in the shin or threatened to stab him with her heels but no, she didn’t. It was… concerning. Her uncharacteristic behaviour caught everyone’s attention. She isn’t usually like this— quiet, dazed and unconfident. No one is sure what to say, not even Kakucho who was Bonten’s collective impulse control and unlicenced and unpaid therapist. The elevator reaches the top floor and they file out of the elevator, into the private lounge. They watch in silence as she sits on the long circular-shaped couch, her heels dropped carelessly to the floor as she puts her hair up, revealing the hanafuda full moon tattoo on the back of her neck— on the same location as Manjiro has his. Manjiro takes a seat next to her and the rest sit on the couch too, staring. She looks at them, narrowing her eyes a bit. “What?”

“We should be asking you that” Mochi says as he lights himself a cigarette 

Her gaze lingered on each member of Bonten in turn, her expression inscrutable, as if weighing her words carefully before speaking. The tension in the room tightened like a taut wire, anticipation thrumming through the air. "I'm fine," she finally replied, her tone clipped, though the strain in her voice was evident to those who knew her well. "Too many languages just making my head hurt"

The response did little to ease the unease that had settled over the group like a heavy fog. They had seen her weather countless storms with unyielding resolve, her strength a pillar upon which they had come to rely. But now, faced with her uncharacteristic vulnerability, they found themselves at a loss for how to proceed. Manjiro studied her carefully, his keen eyes searching for any sign of deception or weakness. He knew her better than anyone and understood the walls she erected to shield herself from the world. But beneath the facade of stoicism, he sensed a flicker of genuine concern, a vulnerability she had never shown before. “Nah uh,” Sanzu says rolling his eyes “You started being all weird when the motherfucker who doesn’t know how to be on time showed up”

She shifts uncomfortably. It seems Sanzu’s observation was a hit. Her discomfort was palpable, her usual confidence shaken by the blunt observation. She shifted in her seat, a flicker of uncertainty betraying her stoic facade. The others watched her closely, their expressions a mix of concern and curiosity, unsure of how to proceed. Sanzu's words hung in the air, a stark reminder of the tension that had simmered beneath the surface since the newcomer's arrival. She felt the weight of their expectations bearing down on her, the pressure to maintain her composure in the face of mounting scrutiny. "I..." She began, her voice trailing off as she struggled to find the right words. 

She couldn’t find an excuse. But even as she stayed silent, she could feel the disapproving stares of her companions, their silent judgment weighing heavily upon her. Manjiro, ever the astute leader, sensed her distress and moved to intervene. "Enough," he declared, his voice cutting through the tension like a knife. "This conversation is over."

His authoritative tone brooked no argument, and the others fell silent, their eyes darting between her and their leader. “Go back to the meeting the rest of you”

Rest of you meaning, everyone leave and Manjiro and her stay. Without a word, the others rose from their seats, casting one last glance at her before filing out of the room. As the door closed behind them, a heavy silence descended, leaving only Manjiro and her alone in the private lounge. Manjiro looks at her, black eyes a bottomless pit of nothing. “What’s wrong?” He asks

There was no room for reflecting on his question. Manjiro was direct and needed answers as to why his best negotiator had suddenly frozen up in the midst of a deal. “You know him” It wasn’t a question this time but an observation

Manjiro understood the intricacies of their world better than anyone, and he knew the dangers that lurked beneath the surface of even the most seemingly innocuous interactions. The newcomer's presence had disrupted the delicate balance of power, setting off alarm bells in her mind that she couldn't ignore. “I um… I…” She isn’t able to get her words out

He gives her a look. “Tell me” It’s a command

She shifts uncomfortably. She fiddles with her white gold rings, they glimmer under the artificial lighting. “That’s my ex…”

Manjiro raises a brow. Her admission hung heavy in the air, the weight of her revelation settling like a leaden cloak upon them both. Manjiro's expression remained unreadable, though a flicker of concern danced in the depths of his obsidian eyes. "Your ex…" he repeated, his voice betraying no emotion.

She nodded, her throat constricting with the weight of unspoken memories and unresolved emotions. She had hoped to keep her past firmly buried in the depths of her mind, but now, confronted with Manjiro's unwavering gaze, she found herself unable to hide the truth any longer. "He... he wasn't supposed to be here," she stammered, her voice barely above a whisper. "I thought... I thought I could handle it, but..."

Her words trailed off, lost in the suffocating silence that enveloped them. She could feel the weight of Manjiro's scrutiny bearing down upon her, his gaze penetrating as he searched for some semblance of understanding in her haunted eyes. “And what did he do for my best negotiator to react like a psychiatric patient just at the sight of him?”

She shifts again but this time he holds her thigh to stop her from moving. There was no getting out of this conversation. Manjiro always got what he wanted and right now he wanted answers. “I… I dated him in high school”

It’s been years. She knows Manjiro is gonna belittle her for being this way over something that ended years ago but… She spills. She tries her best to tell him vaguely what happened— trying to be as vague as possible but Manjiro just keeps asking for more details. He wanted to know everything and once he was satisfied he pulled out his phone and typed something then threw it carelessly on the table. “Is that why you don’t date or sleep around like the others do?” He asks bluntly “Because of what he did?”

Manjiro looked angry. It was odd seeing an actual emotion in his eyes for once even if it was anger. She gulps. Oh man did she hate her stupid ex right now. It had been years since they broke up or well, since she forced the break up because he refused to let her leave. That stupid asshole traumatized her so badly that now even though she was an executive for Japan’s most ruthless and dangerous gang, he made her want to throw up from fear. “I’m sorry—”

“Shut up” Manjiro says lowly but she keeps going

“No, it was extremely unprofessional and I shouldn’t let my personal feelings come in the middle of work—”

He cuts her off again, grabbing her face and squeezing her cheeks together. Her lips jut out a bit from the action. The tips of Manjiro’s fingers dig into her cheeks and her skin warms under his touch, turning the most endearing shade of pink he’s ever seen. “And what exactly are you apologizing for?” Manjiro mutters looking annoyed

She thinks he might just shoot her, empty his Glock out in her head and get Sanzu or Koko to call the cleaners to get rid of her body and turn her into fishbait. “F-For fucking up the deal…” She tries saying as he squeezes her face tighter with the tips of his fingers

Manjiro chuckles and it has to be one of the scariest things she’s heard in her life. “Wrong. Apologize for dating such an ugly little bitch”

“... huh?”

She thinks she’s hearing things. “You heard me,” Manjiro says nonchalantly “apologize” 

Her heart pounded in her chest as she struggled to comprehend the meaning behind his words. Was this some twisted form of punishment? Or was there something else, something more insidious, at play here? With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, She realized that she was treading dangerous waters, her every move scrutinized by the man before her. And as she searched his eyes for some semblance of understanding, she couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to his demand than met the eye. Sanzu and Rindo often joked that she got away with a lot of things and Manjiro was the most lenient with her. Was Manjiro finally giving her the punishment she deserved for all the other times she fucked up? Oh man, no way she was going to die because of her stupid bitch ass ex. “Hey” He says snapping her out of her thoughts

She looks at him. “The deal is off. I don’t want it to go through anyway”

Her eyes widen at his words. “Wait w-what—”

But Manjiro's expression remained impassive, his gaze unwavering as he met her eyes. There was a hardness in his stare, a determination that sent a shiver down her spine. "I said the deal is off," he repeated, his tone firm.

Her mind raced as she tried to make sense of Manjiro's decision. Was this punishment for her perceived failure? Or was there something else at play, something she couldn't quite grasp? As she searched his eyes for some clue, some hint of understanding, she couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to Manjiro's actions than met the eye. Manjiro's gaze held a steely resolve as she struggled to comprehend his abrupt decision. The implications of the deal falling through reverberated through the room, casting a shadow over their carefully laid plans. But beneath the surface, she sensed a tension, a hidden undercurrent that hinted at something deeper. "Why?" she asked, her voice tinged with confusion and a hint of desperation. "Why cancel the deal?"

Manjiro's expression softened ever so slightly, a flicker of something akin to regret in his eyes. It was a rare moment of vulnerability, one that sent a jolt of uncertainty coursing through her veins. "Because some things are more important than business," Manjiro replied, his voice low and measured.

Her mind raced as she tried to make sense of his cryptic words. What could be more important than securing Bonten's position in the underworld? What could possibly justify throwing away the opportunity they had worked so hard to achieve? But before she can speak, he lets go of her face and his hand slides to the back of her neck, the tips of his fingers now digging into her— his— tattoo. Almost as if he could read her mind he asks, “Are you questioning my authority?”

She doesn’t dare move away from him or shake her no to answer him. Manjiro didn’t like being answered with gestures, he preferred words. “N-No…”

“Good” he says 

Manjiro's hand lingered on the back of her neck, his touch was both possessive and unsettling. She could feel the weight of his gaze upon her, his eyes boring into hers with an intensity that made her breath catch in her throat. His nails slightly dig into the knobs of her spine, right on the tattoo. It doesn’t hurt but it feels hot. One thing Manjiro often reminded her of is that Bonten was his. That included the executives and that especially included her. Her life belonged to him and he clearly wasn’t taking her being afraid of someone that wasn’t him very nicely. “You’re really gonna let a guy like that stop you from ever falling in love again?”

The question almost stopped her heart because it was not what she expected him to ask. She had never expected Manjiro to broach such a sensitive topic, let alone express concern for her romantic endeavours. But beneath the surprise, a flicker of something else stirred within her—a yearning for something more, something beyond the confines of Bonten's ruthless world. "I..." she faltered, her voice barely above a whisper. 

How could she explain the depths of her fear, the scars that her past had left upon her soul? How could she make him understand the tangled web of emotions that had kept her trapped in the shadow of her own memories? But before she could formulate a response, Manjiro's hand tightened on the back of her neck, his grip possessive yet strangely comforting. "You don't have to answer now," he said, his voice softer than before but it quickly went back to being harsh “I am disappointed though”

His hand holding her thigh comes up to hold her cheek now. She’s frozen, unsure of what to do. "How could my executive let a little bitch like that do that to her and not move on for years?" Manjiro's voice was low, his words cutting through the silence like a knife.

Her mind raced as she struggled to find the right words to say. How could she explain the depths of her pain, the scars that her past had left upon her soul? How could she make him understand the tangled web of emotions that had kept her trapped in the shadow of her own memories? But before she could formulate a response, Manjiro's thumb brushed against her cheekbone, his touch both intimate and unsettling. She felt a surge of vulnerability wash over her, a raw honesty that threatened to shatter the carefully constructed walls she had built around her heart. "I... I don't know," She finally whispered, her voice barely above a breath. "I'm sorry..." 

Manjiro's grip on her cheek tightened, his touch both gentle and commanding. He held her gaze with an intensity that made her feel as though he could see straight through to her soul. "Sorry doesn't change the past," he murmured, his voice a low rumble in the quiet room.

She felt a knot form in her stomach at his words, a familiar sense of guilt and inadequacy washing over her. She had spent years trying to bury the pain of her past, to escape the memories that haunted her every waking moment. But now, confronted with Manjiro's unwavering gaze, she couldn't help but feel as though she had failed him in some fundamental way. "I know…" she replied softly, her voice barely audible above the sound of her own heartbeat.

Manjiro's thumb traced a slow, soothing pattern against her cheekbone, his touch a silent reassurance amidst the storm of emotions raging within her. Finally, after a long moment of silence, he speaks up “Fall in love again…”

His words are unexpected but she also makes no move to pull back from him. “Is that an order, Mr. Sano?”

Finally, Manjiro smiles. It’s genuine. Or at least it seems genuine. “Yes. Yes it is”

“Did you call the clean-up crew?” Ran asks Koko who’s cleaning the blood of his shoes

Koko nods wordlessly, a look of annoyance on his face as he had just bought these damn shoes yesterday. “Let’s go back up” Takeomi says as he lights a cigarette, stepping over a dead body of one of the businessmen

“Maybe not” Kakucho interjects as his eyes are on his phone, cheeks a little flushed

He shoves it into his pocket and shakes his head at his fellow colleagues. For a moment they’re silent until— “fuckin’ hell” Mochi grumbles as he transfers 10 thousand into Ran’s account

“See I fuckin’ told you he’d fuck her” Ran says with a shrug, eyes lighting up at the notification on his phone signalling the transfer had been made and completed

Their conversation is cut out with a loud scream as Sanzu stabs his katana through her ex’s chest. They look towards him and the pink-haired male simply shrugs. 

[creatingnikki]

What I've learned in 2023 (part II)

x. 2023 shattered my glass on my highly sitcom/books/pop culture tinted glasses through which I have been seeing life. Of course I am the main character of my life and of course I am both a writer and a romantic. But it's dangerous to think of my life as a story and to subconsciously do things for the plot. Okay I don't even think that's what I have been doing. I think the main issue is that I have the cognitive distortion of "should". Shout out to my therapist for making me finally see it. I'm constantly like but I should do this, I should think this way, I should feel this way, it should have been that way. She asked me, 'But should according to who or what? Which is this invisible rulebook of yours? And honestly I didn't have an answer then. It took me months to finally see it. My 'should' rule book has been one from pop culture. I like the idea of things being a certain way, playing out a certain way that's poetic, profound, meaningful, or rounded but that's the thing, right? Real life is not like that. It also does not have this well-written script that people I am interacting with will follow. And I cannot be so disheartened or disappointed with that.

xi. This year has also been the year where I can finally see that asking someone for something that they are either not capable of giving or willing to give and have clearly communicated that to you is a form of self-harm. If you keep repeatedly asking them for that or expecting/hoping that one day they will, it's a sure shot way of making yourself go crazy and feeling so very bitter, resentful, and frustrated. You have to let people be who they are and decide if you want to have something to do with them.

xii. Your feelings will not kill you. Sit with them or simply self-soothe. Don't constantly reach out to an external force for temporary relief (i.e., other people, esp the ones you want to move on from). So if your self soothing means lying on the cool marble floor like a starfish, do it. If that means watching a Hindi soap with your mom, do it. If that means making a list of things distressing you, make it. If it means crying, cry. If it taking a shower + crying + listening to sad music, do it. I want you to start relying a little more on yourself + regulating your emotions instead of feeling like you will absolutely die if you sit with yourself.

xiii. Had a full blown panic attack when I realized this one morning after an exhausting night with a situationship (tw: sexual abuse). Most of my relationships with men as an adult were me finding myself in equations where I feel dirty, where I feel mistreated, unloved, used, and unloved. Subconsciously repeating patterns because it's one of my biggest traumas/wounds. Because this is how "intimacy" was introduced to me at 15 when I was abused. That's what I keep recognizing as love? Unlearn. Unlearn. Unlearn.

xiv. If someone is pointing out something about your personality or you and labeling it as a problem that's a problem especially when it has nothing to do with them. Unless you label it as a problem they shouldn't be doing that. That's presumptuous and somebody who is harshly judging you. It's not a safe space.

xv. Human behaviour is fickle. That's why boundaries exist. So they can guide your present actions and make sure they are aligned with your personality/values/etc. It's very easy to be "in the moment" and do something that makes no sense given the bigger picture. That's why boundaries exist, so that you don't find yourself in such moments. iykyk.

xvi. You do not need to share everything that's happening in your life, that's going on in your mind, etc., with absolutely anybody. And that's not any form of betrayal or secrecy. It's really just realizing that no one needs to constantly be updated on everything in your life. It's exhausting, it's unnecessary, and it breaks your sense of clarity and confidence with regards to your intuition and perspective on most things. Cutting out the noise cannot begin if you keep feeding into it.

xvii. Here's my permission slip to say no and not back it up with a reason. You are a people pleaser. You want everyone to be satisfied and try to pacify them as much as you can. You make it about you so they don't feel bad. You justify your nos so much. But this must stop. When you want to go pee and you ask someone where the restroom is, do you feel the need to tell them why you are asking or why you have to pee? No, right? Just like that with a lot of things in life, you don't need to dish out explanations and elaborate on what you say. Especially when it comes to saying a no. Especially when it comes to saying a no to men. When you don't want to sleep with someone, be their girlfriend, go on a date with them, etc., you can just say no. The ones who don't respect that or don't get it - ghost them.

xviii. I know, I know you hate the concept of ghosting. But sometimes that's the only way. Be straight, communicate, yes. But then when the person isn't even listening to what you're saying, is completely disregarding you, then baby, just fucking ghost the fuck out of them. Them ignoring your no and constantly calling you, texting you, etc., is harassment. You don't need to put up with that. Don't put up with that.

xix. You've arrived at the problem areas for most things but not the solutions. This year you figured out most of the questions that need answering. But you are yet to begin figuring out their answers. That may not be as simple or as final as you'd like. Maybe the answers will come in layers too, from different sources, in varied ways. Focus. Trust your intuition. Don't let feelings dictate your decisions. Only feel your feelings. Let the decision making happen based on your lessons, values, and objective thought processes. You've done it before. You'll do it again. It's you, my love. And what can you not do once you've set your mind to do it?

[neuroticbookworm]

Current Tag Game

Tagged by my dear friends/mutuals/incoherent scream sesh partners @twig-tea (here), @colourme-feral (here), @blmpff (here), @telomeke (here) and @waitmyturtles (here)

Current Time: nearly 5:00 PM

Current activity: Doomscrolling on social media (not recommended), writing this post (highly recommended, please interact on Tumblr, that's what makes this hellsite fun!)

Currently thinking about: Just watched the IFYLITA finale this morning with my bestie @lurkingshan, so my brain is currently ??????-ing all the different iterations of Yai we got to see (I like that Commander Yai looks more self-assured and confident than our widdle-20-something-lost-and-confused-baby Yai, but, DEAR LORD, The Mustache has to go. Just.. nope. Get that man a razor, STAT). Oh, and also, thinking about dinner.

Current favourite song: I recently watched Utsukushii Kare / My Beautiful Man (Season 1) a few days ago and I have the song from the opening credits stuck in my head on repeat: Caramel / カラメル by Mosawo / もさを。(Original MV with English captions)

(I'm also gonna link the Utsukushii Kare Lyric MV from MBS because I want Kiyoi's pretty face on my post)

I've also been feeling nostalgic lately and listening to some decade-old bangers from my teen years (ah time, thou art a cruel wench)

Patakha Guddi lyrics, translated from Hindi, here

Mogathirai lyrics, translated from Tamil, here

Currently reading: Nothin' but meta posts from the lovely big-brained folks of Tumblrville

Currently watching: Oooooh. I actually wrapped up a lot of live watches and caught up on some incredible shows last week, so lemme do 3 mini-lists:

Recently Watched: Only Friends, Utsukushii Kare / My Beautiful Man, If It's With You / Kimi to Nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo, I Feel You Linger In The Air

Currently Watching: Midnight Diner / Shinya Shokudo, endless reruns of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Community

Next-Up on the Watchlist: I Cannot Reach You / Kimi ni wa Todokanai, Shadow, Dark Blue Kiss, Middleman's Love, Last Twilight, Playboyy, The Whisperer

Current favourite character: Ryuji from If It's With You.

< mild spoilers ahead for If It's With You >

This show did an incredible job portraying two people who have different levels/intensities of desire for one another and I was *floored* when Ryuji responded to Amane's confession in episode 4 with so much care, thoughtfulness and respect for both Amane's desire and his own boundaries. "Please make it one sided for a while" will live in my head rent free for the foreseeable future.

And Amane and Ryuji's conversation at the beach in the finale was another heartfelt and expertly written moment. I deeply adore how Ryuji basically went "I miss you and want to meet you whenever I feel like it, and if that means being a lover, then so be it. Let's date".

So yeah, I'm in love with this highly articulate, fictional, Japanese teenage boy

Current WIP: Ohhhhh man, SO MANY. The most pressing one is a retrospective meta on the Only Friends finale, which I must release into the wild before people move on from the show

Tags: I'm epically late to this one, so I might tag folks who have already done this, so if I do, apologies, friends!

@bengiyo, @italianpersonwithashippersheart, @sunshinechay, @syrena-del-mar, @ranchthoughts, @troubled-mind, @sorry-bonebag, @so-much-yet-to-learn and anyone else who wants to participate. No presh!

[whenthegoldrays]

Hi elly!! I neeeeed you to hear this song called "tum se hi". It's one of my favorite hindi songs. And it has such a cute story in the movie. Basically the guy was depressed in the first half, had a lot of stuff going on with him and was neglecting his responsibilities, etc and one day he accidentally comes across this girl with whom he has to go on this whole adventure. He falls for her but she loves someone else

This song is basically him saying "he doesn't want anything in return for her, doesn't even mind if he never sees her again, she helped him improve in life and he will always love her no matter what".

And the music video is sooo sooo cute!!! Its basically him getting back to his work, focusing on his responsibility while also imagining her there as a part of his life. And there's a dance scene in the rain that's so popular that it has kind of become a thing for couples who grew up with this movie.

This is the mv (https://youtu.be/mt9xg0mmt28?si=pStRa_5sbbXy8tkK) though the song is shortened here but it's so cute you have to see it.

Also the actor is shahid kapoor (the guy from teri baaton me aisa uljha jiya) and kareena kapoor (pooja from k3g and she is actually good here😂).

Also the lyrics are so beautiful you'll love it

Oh… ohoHO!! You’ll never believe…

I’ve heard this song!!! I love this song!!!! Pretty sure I heard it while listening to your Bollywood playlist at work, and even more coincidentally, I was playing it in the car on Wednesday night on the way to dinner and skipping around the restaurant (well, just over to the drink machine) while humming the intro to myself (“ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah….”) and nearly slipped on the wet floor 💀

But the story and the lyrics sound so sweet 🥹 I was just there for the vibes up til now but now I’ll like it even more :))

Also, you might remember that I reblogged a gifset of the rain dance scene a while ago?? Though I recently saw the gifset again and I still didn’t recognize Pooja 🤣 But that’s cool!!! Hopefully I can also watch it soon 🤭

(Also what does the title mean? Cause I notice this one is “Tum Se Hi” and the one from yesterday is “Tum Se”…)

[blue-sterling0357]

Salutations ! Hope you are doing well :) could I please request an Agni from black butler x reader? There’s hardly ANY and I just love the gentle giant so much! Could you do something with the cliche of Soma noticing the chemistry (or creating it lol) between Agni and reader and going out of his way to set them up or put them in situations? Thank you thank you

(A/N: I also love him, which is kind of iconic since in real life I do not wish to date a indian man, but if it's fictional indian man named Agni, I'm there to serve him till my last breathe)

Holding a special place in your heart ♡

❉How did you both end up like this? Oh right, Soma…He sent you both to saint Sindh Mukesh’s, the king’s dear philosopher, library and when you both entered the room, he pushed you both and locked the door. As you both sat on the floor, the only light source being a tiny window, very high up with a metal grid on it, the chances of it helping you escape were zero.

As the sun started to go down, Agni and you lit up the chimney in the library’s far end to make sure no book got burned. As you both sat on the floor, reading one or the other book of the library. Luckily there was compartment there with blankets, snacks, water and pillows; guess people have already been stuck here before……

As you looked over at Agni, you saw him zoned out writing or drawing something, you dropped your book and slowly leaned over him and saw him drawing flowers and hearts, around a beautiful, calligraphy, Hindi word, your name……

“वायें” he had written your name in Hindi, “Y/N” your name was decorated with many flowers, hearts and drawings. You knew Agni had a crush on you and he didn’t make it subtle either, always making you his most-important priority equal to Soma, always brought you your favorite flowers, made your favorite foods and took you to England with him and Soma and introduced you to his friends there, servants to Earl Phantomhive’s servants; Sebastian, the head butler and the other servants; Bardroy, the cook, Finnian, the gardener and Mey-rin, the only maid there. He also cooked you your favorite food, which every Indian person knows means that “I love you so much and wish to spend my entire life for you and so to show you that I made you your favorite food” just in action.

As you leaned more and tugged your head on Agni’s shoulder, he immediately jolted up, scaring you as well because he never got scared that easily, guess he was really zoned out……As you both calmed down, Agni put his right above yours and turned his head away to hide his flustered face, as you held his hand in yours gently and held it up to your face before kissing his knuckles and putting it back on your hand on top of your thigh, now he more blushing and flustered but he still shifted closer to you, he held your hand in larger one and tugged his on your shoulder as you again picked up your book and began reading soon you turned your head to look at him to see him sleeping on your shoulder…As you slowly laid him down on your lap and opened the folded blanket before covering Agni with it as you began reading yet again… . . As the sunlight from the tiny window hit Agni’s face, stirring him from his sleep, he felt the softness of the blanket, he slowly sat up, before finding a tiny bouquet of three lilies, five daffodils and seven jasmines right near his head, as he sat up, he couldn’t find you anywhere, only a blanket and a pillow where you were sitting. As he inspected the bouquet, he saw a metal key right in the middle of it with a rope tied to it, the rope had a short note stuck at the end of it, which read in beautiful Hindi…

"डार्लिंग, मेरे पास पहले से ही पुस्तकालय की चाबियां थीं, लेकिन तुम्हारे साथ अकेले रहना एक अवसर था जिसे मैं जाने नहीं दे सकताी थाी ~"

Just then he remembered that you were the head servants having the responsibility of entering and exiting the library whenever you wanted, but since he was so excited to be alone with you, he completely forgot about it, but at least you both were able to tell each other about your love….

translation of the note~

"Darling, I already had the keys to the library, but being alone with you was an opportunity I couldn't let go~"

Also this is how you tell someone you love them in Indian style, cause our country is a bit conservative, at least this is how my mom tells me she told my dad she loves him!

[jopetkasi]

Remember the time i told you guys that i caught one of our employees jerking at one of the restrooms in our warehouse?

guess what?

he did it again (yes, Britney)

context.

i worked late the other night and when I went to use the restroom at the far end of the floor until I saw the door open and there he was, standing and wanking his thing in plain sight. 

hindi ko alam kung magagalit ako or mahihiya ako or what? i do believe naman in everyone’s right to sexual pleasure but man, why does it have to happen twice? 

he did apologize to me after and  told him to forget about it. but driving home, the image remained and i have to be honest, there was some sort of sexual shit I felt but i completely dismissed it knowing full well that i am his boss and it’s inappropriate to even think about it. period. 

and you know what’s weird? this morning, he was giving me the stares. like when he handed me the stack of shipping invoices, he stared at me and asked if i am to work late?

of course, I know better. i mean, whatever hidden agenda he has in mind, i will stay clear away from it less I end up in Raffy Tulfo's show.

[ljnsdump]

Broken? No, Just Rearranging (SERIES)

Kim Mingyu x Female Reader

Kim Mingyu as Lucas Blue Ramirez and Y/N as Ara Riona Teves De La Vega

Just let go of the illusion that it could have been any different.

Genre: M/F, old friends to lovers, fluff(in the next chapters), smut (not in this chap tho), angst, late 20s established career setting

Warnings: Just mean, bratty and hateful OC

Word Count: 2 318

Hello and welcome to my first ever series! This is the second chapter already, I hope you guys would enjoy reading this!

----

CHAPTER 2: Welcome Note

She woke up early dahil alam niyang marami siyang kailangang ngayong araw. As usual, her outfits are never toned down.

Her hair was just dried and brushed today leaving it with natural waves. She's wearing a baby blue high neck, bell-sleeved wide leg jumpsuit with belt and a pointed-toe pump of the same color. She wore those with simple accessories with white crystals on it.

Pagbukas ng elevator, nakatayo na doon si Blue. She threw the car keys to him.

"May nag-iwan ng bulaklak para sayo." Sabi ni Blue at umangat ang isang kilay ni Ara.

"Galing kay?"

"Hindi namin alam. Dineliver lang naman ito ng isang flower shop." He shrugs. Pumunta sila sa may sala at nakita ang flower arrangement na napakalaki.

"Orange lillies." Bigkas ni Ara habang kinukuha ang note na nakalagay dito.

"WELCOME HOME, THIEF."

It said.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Who could this be from?" She asks herself. "Burn that." Utos niya sa kasambahay na nagmadali naman para kunin ang bulaklak.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "What's my schedule for today?" Tanong niya kay Blue habang nagtitimpi ng galit.

He held the iPad up. "You'll have a meeting with the board of directors in the morning then later in the afternoon you'll have a meeting with the corporate officers and then film and shoot for both Clear Cosmetics and DLV Fashion." He reads.

Sumakay silang dalawa sa puting Aston Martin Rapide ni Ara. Si Blue ang nagdadrive.

"What was written on that note?" Tanong ni Blue.

"It's got nothing to do with you." She replied.

He snickered. "You were flustered upon seeing it. You can tell me, I can help you with anything."

"You're making me hate you." She said through gritted teeth.

"So you don't hate me yet?" He grins at mas lalong nagpapainis sa kanya.

She shut her eyes and ignored him. Pagdating nila kompanya ay gumawa ng mabilis na check up si Ara sa mga nagtatrabaho. Pumunta siya sa laboratory kung saan nagfo-formulate ng mga bagong produkto. Isinuot ni Blue sa kanya ang lab coat, protective eye glass, mask at gloves.

Isang magandang babae ang bumati sa kanya pagpasok ng laboratoryo. "Magandang umaga po, ako po si Anne ang Creative Director ng Clear Cosmetics. Isa rin po akong cosmetologist."

She smiled and nodded. "What are you guys currently working on?" She asks.

"Well, we're just working on new formulas for a new eyeshadow palette and we're just waiting for your ideas about it." She replied.

"Maybe I'll come back here tomorrow. I have my schedule packed for today kasi. I'm just doing a quick look right now."

Anne smiles. "Wala pong problema."

Lumabas sila Blue at Ara sa laboratory. "Put that on my schedule for tomorrow." Sabi niya kay Blue at agad itong tumango at binuksan ang iPad na dala niya.

Sumakay na sila ng elevator paakyat ng ikalawang palapag. All these sewing machines and mannequins are riled up on the entire floor. Sa pinakadulo ay may mga opisina. Doon sila nagtungo.

"Hi, how are we doing here?" Tanong ni Ara general manager ng De la Vega Fashion na bakla.

"Good morning, Miss de la Vega." Bati nito. "Everything's running well. We have our three professional designers here with us. The production of our current products are always on going, they never stop. Our designers have designs that need approval from you so we can start the production and launch them soon."

"Send them to my office, I'll look at them as soon as I can. Medyo busy pa kasi ngayon kasi pangalawang araw ko palang dito." Sagot niya.

"And we'd also like to see designs from you as well, Ms. De la Vega. But for now, please take your time." He smiled and she smiled back.

"Thank you."

Nagring ang telepono ni Blue, tumatawag ang secretary ng kompanya. "Blue, andito na ang board of directors."

"Sige, aakyat na kami dyan." Sagot ni Blue. Lumapit siya kay Aya at bumulong. "Nandun na sila lahat."

"We need to get going." Paalam niya sa kanila at umalis na sila. Before riding the elevator, he took of all her PPE and handed it to someone.

They rode the elevator and she scanned herself through the glass.

"You look fine." Blue comments.

"I know." She replied and he rolled his eyes in her confidence.

Pagkatapos ng kanyang meeting ay agad siyang pumunta sa kanyang opisina kasama si Blue.

"Anong gusto mong kainin?"

"Coq au vin."

Kinuha ni Blue ang kanyang phone mula sa bulsa at may tinawagan.

"Pakiluto po ng Coq au vin, diyan kakain si Ara." Sabi niya.

Nagulat naman si Ara. Hindi siya makapaniwalang nasabi ni Blue ng maayos at perpekto ang French na salitang iyon.

"Tara?" Tanong ni Blue sa kanya.

"Where?"

"Kakain."

Lumabas sila ng building at sumakay sa sasakyan. Pinaharurot ito ni Blue. Huminto at pinarada ang sasakyan sa restaurant na may pangalang Le Patrimoine.

"Why did you bring me here?" Tanong niya. Dinala kasi siya sa restaurant na kanila rin. Iba-ibang branches at locations at bawat isa nito ay naka concentrate sa isang cuisine. Le Patrimoine ang tawag sa restaurant na ito na sa ingles ay The Patrimony. Iba iba ang pangngalan ng mga restaurant nila ayon na ayon sa cuisine na ginagawa nito ngunit iisa lang rin naman ang kahulugan sa ingles.

"Wala namang ibang restaurant na malapit na gumagawa ng pagkaing gusto mong kainin eh."

Ang namamahala ng buong De la Vega Foods ay ang pinalitan ni Ara na namamahala noon ng Cosmetics and Fashion company nila na mommy ni Aimee.

"You're so annoying." Sabi ni Ara kay Blue at pumasok na ng restaurant.

Pagpasok niya ay nakita niya agad ang kapatid ng dad niyang si Margarette na para bang naghihintay talaga sa kanya. "Kamusta naman ang kompanya?" Tanong nito sa kanya habang nakangiti.

She smiled back, but fakely. "It was fine." But her face suddenly turned serious and emotionless within a second. "But it could have been better."

Margarette was insulted by her remarks but she stayed cool despite the rage in her chest. "Why don't we eat together?"

They both sat across from each other. "What would you like to drink?" Tanong ng waiter sa kanila.

"Château Montelena Chardonnay." She said in thick French accent.

"I'll have champagne." Sabi naman ni Margarette.

"How's Aimee?" She asks.

"She was actually studying fashion but you suddenly came." She smiled bitterly. "Now she has shifted to culinary. Her place was stolen from her, apparently."

Something in her mind rang when Margarette said 'stolen'. She received flowers this morning and had a note that called her a thief, now, Margarette says that she stole Aimee's place from her. She smirked at the thought.

"Aimee is good with me. Honestly, she was the one who told me first that I was going to replace you in that company." She replied and their drinks arrived.

"You're food will be arriving soon." The waiter said and poured wines on their glasses.

Pagkatapos nilang kumain, umalis agad si Ara.

"You're so fucking annoying." Sabi ni Ara kay Blue pagpasok niya ng sasakyan. Kumunot naman ang noo ni Blue at nagtaka.

"Tita mo yun." Sagot niya.

"Just shut up. Buy me food."

"Hindi ka pa busog?!"

"SA TINGIN MO MAKAKAIN AKO NG MAAYOS KASAMA ANG BRUHANG YUN?!" She screamed in anger at him. He stopped the car and took a deep breath tas pinaharurot ulit.

"Anong gusto mong kainin?"

Hindi sumagot si Ara kaya dumaan nalang sila sa drive-thru ng isang fast food at bumili si Blue ng kahit ano.

They went to her office. Dala dala ni Blue ang mga paper bag na may take out food.

"Ms. De la Vega, mag nag-iwan po ng regalo para sa inyo. Nilagay nalang po namin sa opisina niyo." Sabi ng nakasalubong nilang trabahante.

Kumunot ang noo ng dalawa. "Sino ang nag-iwan?"

"Hindi po namin kilala, naka helmet rin po." Sagot nito.

Pagpasok nila sa opisina ay agad nilang nakita ang kahon na kasing laki ng shoe box na nakapatong sa lamesa ni Ara. Kinuha niya ito gamit ng dalawang kamay pero pinigilan siya ni Blue.

"Ako nang magbubukas, baka ano pa ang laman niyan." Sabi ni Blue at babawiin sana ito ngunit hinigpitan ni Ara ang hawak niya dito.

"Kala mo naman kung sinong may kapangyarihan." She rolls her eyes at him and opened the box.

Every small motion of her body stopped when she saw a dagger. Ginto ang hawakan nito at may disenyo. Agad itong binawi ni Blue mula sa kanya.

"Akin na yan!" Nagpupumilit si Ara para makuha ito dahil may papel sa ilalim nito. Kinuha naman iyon ni Blue at binasa.

Padabog siyang lumabas ng opisina dala ang kahon at laman nito at bumaba. Hindi na siya naabutan ni Ara dahil sa bilis ng kanyang paglakad.

Bumalik nalang si Ara sa opisina niya. Kumuha siya ng bote ng wine at wine glass sa maliit na wine bar na kanyang pinagawa talaga para sa opisina niya.

Nakasandal siya sa lamesa niya habang umiinom at nag-iisip kung sino man ang maaaring magbigay sa kanya ng ganun. All she can think of is Margarette or her cousins.

She was snapped back to reality when Blue's phone rang. Katabi ito ng mga pagkaing binili nila.

'SECRETARY'

She picked it up.

"Blue, andito na ang corporate officers." Sabi ng babae sa kabilang linya.

"This is Ara, I'm coming." Sagot ni Ara at lumabas ng opisina para pumunta ng conference room.

Tinapon ni Blue ang kahon at ang laman nito maliban lang sa sulat na kasama nito. Bumalik siya sa opisina ni Ara. Nakita niya ang bote ng alak at baso na nasa lamesa ni Ara. Napasinghap nalang siya at kinuha ang phone niya. Lumabas ulit ito habang mag dinadial na numero. Pagkatapos ng ilang ring, sumagot naman agad ito.

"Blue?"

"Aimee, pwede ba tayong mag kita?" Tanong ni Blue na para bang nagmamadali.

"Ngayon? Like right now?"

"Oo."

"Sige, saan ba?"

"Yung cafè malapit dito sa kompanya. Wala kasi akong sasakyan."

"Sige sige."

Walking distance lang naman yung tinutukoy nilang cafè mula sa kompanya. Unang dumating si Blue obviously, umupo lang siya dun para hintayin si Aimee.

Dumating siya sakay ng kanyang sedan.

"May problema ba?" Tanong niya kay Blue nang makaupo na siya sa tapat nito.

Kinuha ni Blue ang sulat na kasama nung kahon at binuklat ito sa harap ni Aimee. Napataas agad ang kilay ng dalaga.

'Thiefs belong somewhere else.'

"What's that?" She asked.

"May nagpadala ng balak sa opisina ni Ara kanina at ito ang kasamang sulat."

"Sino ang pinanhihinalaan niyo?"

"Hindi pa kami nag-usap dahil may meeting siya at dumiretso ako dito pagkatapos kong itapon yun." Sagot ni Blue na halatang nag-aalala. "Sino ba kasi ang mga kaaway ni Ara? Ba't bigla na lang siyang umuwi dito?"

"Hindi ko rin alam. Eh anong balak mo ngayon?"

"Ako mismo ang maghahanap sa kung sino man ang nagbibigay nito sa kanya."

She worriedly looked at him. "Umiwas kayo sa pahamak, ha!"

"Wait, kasama naming kumain ang mommy mo kanina. Galit na galit siya kay Ara pero hindi niya lang pinapakita, halata naman."

"She was the previous president of that company."

Pagkatapos ng meeting ay agad na lumabas si Ara. Nakakita niyang naglalakad papunta sa kanya si Blue. Naka puting button-up shirt nalang ito na rolled up ang manggas at tinanggal na ang kanyang blazer na suot. Nasa bulsa ang kanyang mga kamay habang nakatingin kay Ara.

"Wala ka sa meeting." Sabi ni Ara at huminto si Blue sa harap niya.

"May pinuntahan ako." Sabi nito ng walang kahit anong emosyon sa mukha. "Tara na sa studio ng Clear, gagawa ka pa ng video."

Pumasok sila sa studio na maraming reflectors, ilaw at camera. "Hi, I'm Wendy, the social media strategist of Clear Cosmetics. Congratulations for being the new president of both Clear and DLVF." Bati ng babae.

Ngumiti naman si Ara kahit wala siyang gana ngayon. "Thank you."

"Today, you'll be doing your own make up on camera using our products, and introducing yourself as the new president of this company. This will be uploaded on YouTube and will also be shown in our website."

"Am I going to do a lot of talking?" She asks.

"Unfortunately, yes. You're supposed to look and feel active and lively." She replied.

"I want to change my outfit." She said.

"Oh, okay." Wendy nods. "Let's go next door. This is the closet for shoots. All clothes are from DLVF. Please choose whatever suits you well and take your time."

Lumabas ng closet si Wendy at naiwan dun ay sina Blue at Ara na lang. Nagkatinginan sila.

"O, anong tinitingin tingin mo?! Magbibihis ako!" Sigaw ni Ara sa kanya. Tumalikod naman siya.

She chose a crimson red frill-puff sleeved bodycon dress. The dress ends a little higher than her mid-thigh and shows her body curve.

She also wore fluffy slides since she did not find any heels that would suit her dress. "I'm done." She said at humarap na si Blue sa kanya.

He looked at her from head to toe. The dress looked perfect on her but he doesn’t have the courage to say. "You're so short." He, instead, points out.

Sinamaan siya ng tingin ni Ara. "Don't get me started."

Lumabas silang dalawa sa closet at pumasok sa studio.

Nasurpresa ata si Wendy nang makita si Ara. "Ang sexy niyo naman po! Umupo po muna kayo nandito na ang hairdresser."

Inunat ang buhok niya habang tinatanggal ng isa ang make up niya. Nilagyan ang kanyang buhok ng pulang clips na babagay sa suot niya.

Nakaset-up na ang lahat. Nakaupo lang si Blue sa harap ng monitor. "Simula na po tayo." Sabi ni Wendy.

"Hi, guys! I am Clear Cosmetics' new President and CEO, Araa Riona de la Vega. Today, I will be showing you a few of my favorites from our cosmetic line."

"She's totally different on camera." Blue thought.

[toastthewolfie]

random facts about my Skk ocs bc why the fuck not

Azure:

holy fucking shit my girl is a HEATER. Their natural temperature normally runs higher than average, while at first, Gray Raven thought it was a medical condition or smthg only to find out it’s completely harmless to Azure. Now they get clinged to by all ice-type constructs when they overdo it

It takes a lot for them to actually get mad, like yeah, they get annoyed but everyone has only seen Azure genuinely mad one time and in that time, they literally ruined someone’s life.

The amount of times they’ve nearly murdered Vanessa, only stopped by Bambinata begging her to not kill her commander and Lucia literally having to restrain them physically is unreal.

They know the legal system and politics very well, this also means that they are somewhat manipulative and willing to pull strings to get a desired result.

They barely get along with Asimov, which is ironic considering how interested they are in construct tech

Their love langue is physical touch, like they will consistently hold the hands of the constructs and people they are close to for no reason (it’s also a very good indicator as to how they’re doing in the moment, like, if they’re fine, they usually just link pinky fingers with the construct or lightly hold their wrist and you can barely feel it, if they’re going okay but not good, it’s more like a normal handhold, loose enough to where you can easily break away but firm enough to where you know it’s there, and if they’re like 3 seconds away from a breakdown, holy shit, good luck getting out of that grip-)

they are buff, they don’t look like it, yes, but they have thrown Vanessa across the room so many times (even during that one time they nearly lost their dominant arm) and have picked up Simon and Harley Jo with no issue

Is very good at fixing cars! They also just generally love Golden-Age cars :>

They have a pothos plant collection and they’re all named after historical figures

They DESPISE coffee like, yeah, they rely on coffee to pull all nighters but if they have a choice they won’t touch coffee

Aries

He is a boyfailure. He is the definition of a boy failure.

My boy is very smart though, he also knows a lot of languages (probably was tutored by Celcia)

He swears in Hindi and Latin, mostly because 90% of the time, people don’t know what he’s saying

Aries absolutely DESPISES Hassan and Nikolai, like, while Azure doesn’t like them but is somewhat close with them for their benefit, yeah, no, Aries will not go near them unless it’s:

A. An emergency

B. They have a 10 foot long pole for distance

nobody knows why he hates them so much though

He has cross-dressed before because he lost a bet with 21

Has assaulted Vanessa before, they do NOT like each other

Dude, he has so much repressed trauma it’s unreal- like he will go through a highly traumatic event that will leave most scarred for life and just be like: “eh it is what it is. Anyways-“ until of course, he explodes and just ends up sobbing while being held by Lucia on the floor of the lounge because he’s physically unable to support himself with how intensely he’s crying (also, 5 bucks he punched a wall and broke his hand)

My man is not doing okay mentally, he’s watched two of his ravens all nearly die from specialized frames and when Lee came back, Aries just kinda..held Lee for a solid 30 minutes, begging him not to do anything like that ever again.

also he likes birds, he loves studying birds and whatnot, it’s why he’s so interested by Bianca: Veritas’s CUB.

Oh yeah, he and Asimov get along really well, mostly because Aries is generally really quiet and well… he liked it in Asimov’s lab because it was normally quiet, after a few months, Asimov agreed to let him chill as long as he was quiet, and Aries agrees and over the course of a few months, they became the besties that no even knew that they knew each other (Also, Asimov’s lab is a safe place in Aries’s eyes, and Asimov has gotten used to it because Aries is still quiet as ever, just a bit more fidgety)

oooooooo Aries and Asimov having a movie night (im sorry their duo is just perfect bc Aries finds comfort in people but Asimov is very reluctant in that sense so they compromise in the sense that Aries will sometimes lean on Asimov but not do anything past that so he can focus on his work)

oh yeah, his love language is 100% acts of service and physical touch

oh yeah, he was also severely burned on a mission and has a bionic eye and sometimes needs G.R.’s help in maintaining it because what beats spending an afternoon fiddling with your Commandant’s eye am I right?

[flcralhaze]

{ wawwa nicha , 32 , cis woman , she/her } we are so glad to see you safe, queen aranya chakri of thailand ! it’s dangerous out in the world these days , but i hear that you are eloquent and altruistic enough to handle it. just don’t let your melancholy bring you down. stay on your guard , because with your secret being at risk for exposure , you wouldn’t want everyone to find out you once considered leaving your husband and sometimes question your choice to stay.

basic information.

full name: aranya chakri. nickname: anya. name meaning: wild forest. age: thirty-two. date of birth: october 10th. astrological sign: libra. gender & pronouns: cis woman , she / her. orientation: heteroromantic , heterosexual. spoken languages: thai , english , french , mandarin , japanese , conversational hindi. title: queen of thailand. martial status: married to king thanin chakri. loyalty: thailand and it's people , the chakris.

personality.

positive: eloquent ,  altruistic ,  graceful ,  jovial , charismatic. negative: melancholic ,  prim ,  vengeful , conflicted , reticent. moral alignment: neutral good. temperament: sanguine. mbti: esfj - the consul. enneagram: 2w3 , the hostess. hobbies: playing the krachappi , dancing , needlework & embroidery.

family ties.

father: lord jaturong saengkaew , a prominent thai noble. mother: lady pranee saengkaew. siblings: one older brother and two younger siblings. spouse: king thanin chakri , husband. children: fa ying chakri , daughter , deceased. klahan chakri , son , deceased. extended: risa chakri , sister in law. pet: a thai cat named chai.

history.

born into a family of great wealth, aranya grew up knowing that she would want for little and that one day she would wed someone of equal or greater than she. she was the second born but eldest daughter, and while her brother would one day lead their family, she would provide them with a valuable alliance. aranya was taught how to be a lady since she was young. her music lessons, which included singing and learning how to play the krachappi, were her favorite, but she also enjoyed her dance lessons.

aranya was rarely seen without a smile on her face. she rarely had an unkind for anyone she crossed paths with unless they said something unkind to her or her family first. when her family hosted parties, she would be the last one to leave the dance floor and never said no to an invitation to show off her singing or play the krachappi.

she might have not been born with any royal titles, but the people of thailand adored her. the jewel of thailand, they called her. it was certainly aided by the kindness aranya showed the people, often stepping outside of her family home to converse with those who lived in her family's domain and extending a helping hand when she could. seeing how beloved she was only made her parents set their sights higher when it came to selecting her spouse, especially when they realized the chakris showed interest in arranging a betrothal.

aranya was all smiles on her wedding day. she might've known little of her husband to be but idealism colored her outlook. with time and as they grew to know each other, they would find happiness, even love, with each other; she believed it entirely.

the reality was a stark and crushing difference. her love for her country was immense but aranya hadn't wanted to wed thailand. she'd dreamed of a husband she could stand proudly beside, but hers barely spoke to her. the more closed off he was, the more she shut herself away. her smiles gradually began fading, hurt quieted the fondness she felt, and soon aranya ceased all efforts at trying to get through to her husband. she turned all her attention to the country and its people, but it wasn't enough for a woman who'd dreamed of love. gradually, the prospect of leaving her husband took root in her mind. the title of queen meant little to her, especially when it was costing her the chance at happiness. worried that an annulment wouldn't be granted if requested, she made her plans in the shadows to leave and seek out refuge elsewhere until the marriage was ended. and then aranya learned that she was pregnant.

hope blossomed once more. maybe a child would bring her husband and her together at last. even if it didn't, she couldn't bring herself to deprive her child of their father or thailand of its heir - her love for her country ran too deep. so she stayed. aranya was a wonderful, natural mother. her daughter and her son were her entire world. there was a noticeable shift in the queen's mood once her daughter was born; she smiled more, resumed playing the krachappi more often, and doted upon her children. while other royals might've entrusted a large portion of their child's care to a governess, aranya refused, only keeping on on staff in case she needed help. when her children were alive, aranya didn't once regret her decision to stay married. had she left, she might've missed out on motherhood.

and then her children were taken from her. a mother's duty was to protect her children, and aranya had failed. their loss utterly devastated her. she wouldn't leave her room for days, refusing all food, and her sobs echoed through the palace. being left to mourn alone, her husband nowhere to be found, only deepened the wound. grief eventually combined with vengeance, growing stronger when thailand wasn't invited to the mughal empire despite, in her opinion, suffering the gravest loss.

arc o1.

aranya arrived determined to find her children's killer no matter the cost. storming into lal qila with the aid of the french left an unpleasant taste in her mouth left a bitter taste in her mouth but it was necessary. as was searching the rooms for the smallest scrap of evidence that could point them in the right direction and then approving the reveal of the secrets discovered. and yet no clear answers arrived. only more tragedy.

timeskip.

returning to thailand nurtured her soul, its warm air softening the edges rage had hardened, but since the dead couldn't be raised from the grave and justice remained elusive, grief remained. some days were better than others but no day was without sorrow. aranya distracted herself with work, dedicating herself fully to her duties and the thai people. she spent even more time away from the royal palace and amongst the people. her children were gone but her country still needed her and by helping them, she could ignore her grief for some time. until she returned to the palace and instead of a husband welcoming her back, it was her grief.

her need for vengeance didn't vanish. the culprits were out there somewhere; she needed to find them and bring them to justice. only she didn't know where to begin. aranya thought she would be investigating alone but much to her surprise her husband joined her. in the evenings, they would look over whatever documents they could get their hands on, searching for any lead. hours were initially spent in silence but gradually conversation grew, and anya realized it wasn't the king she was talking to but rather the man she had always hoped to meet but had given up hope of it ever happening. thanin vanished every morning, replaced once more by the king, introducing a new ache in aranya's heart. yet she told herself this one was bearable. speaking with her husband for a few hours a day was better than not seeing him at all.

the journey to ethiopia proved more difficult than she expected. aranya initially attributed her fatigue and mild sickness to the rough journey, often downplaying it for it wasn't the first time rough seas had upset her stomach. but a few days before they arrived in ethiopia, she sought out the thai court physician and learned the truth: she was pregnant. anya didn't know what to feel. here she was, miles from home and about to step on foreign shores for the first time since the reckoning, and pregnant. never before had she felt so happy and terrified at once. at a loss for words and mind still coming to terms with the news, aranya has yet to tell anyone, including her husband, and is unsure how to break the news.

headcanons.

music is her safe haven. in thailand, she's renowned for her skills on the krachappi and her dancing. the unhappiness in her marriage did decrease how frequently she played in public, but she still played in the privacy of her quarters and when she visited with the thai people. since the murders of her children, however, she has refused to touch the instrument despite bringing it with her to the mughal empire.

normally a very social person who embraces any chance to meet new people. it doesn't always come across at first since her normal demeanor is prim and proper but once initial introductions are made, aranya's joyful personality emerges. she delights in inviting new friends to join her for tea and walks in the garden in order to get to know them better. or at least, she did. the anya that arrives at lal qila is a very visible shade of her former self but for certain people her true self shines through her grief.

she is never seen out in public unless her appearance is polished and not a hair is out of place. a little vain, yes, but she sees no shame in it.

public perception is crucial to her. the last thing she wants is for people to realize the true state of her marriage, knowing it would put thailand at risk, so she is constantly playing the role of a good wife in public. no one can know that despite their years of marriage, her husband remains a stranger and that they live mostly apart.

the people's queen through and through. there was a reason the people of thailand rejoiced when her betrothal was announced. whenever she goes out in public, there is always a crowd eager to greet and speak with her.

she isn't exactly a realist by nature but by circumstance. she often misses how idealistic she once was and while a small spark of that still burns, she fears the world will soon finishing snuffing it out.

her daughter had been given a thai cat for her third birthday. after her death, aranya began caring for the cat and brings it with her everywhere.

a small part of her does blame herself for her children's deaths. she feels that if she would've left her husband at any point in the past three years that they wouldn't have been killed. also partially blames her husband for not protecting them better.

deep down, she knows this quest for vengeance won't fill the gapping hole in her heart, but it truly feels like all she has left, the only thing that keeps her waking up each morning in the wake of losing her children.

[webawee]

Favorite doraemon movie?

Ooh, my favorite movie?

There are so many, but Steel Troops is the first thing that comes to mind. I absolutely adored that one song, I have it memorised in both Japanese and Hindi-

Then that one dog movie? Peko and the five explorers? It's because of this movie that I was really confused about how the time travel in the doraemon-verse worked.

There was also that one movie, I don't remember its name, but the floor mats under Nobita's room became a doorway to another planet and their space ship? With that pink space rabbit? I absolutely adored that movie!

There was another movie that I absolutely loved, in hindi it was called "Yeh bhi tha Nobita, Woh Bhi Tha Nobita", although it's known as Legend of The Sun King in other languages, I think? I don't even know why but 8-year-old me was so fascinated by the fact that Nobita had so many look-alikes. I mean, all the males from his side of the family look the same when they were younger. But his mom also looks the same as him when she's both younger and older?? I thought that was so cool and I don't even know why.

And there was also this movie, I'm not sure what it's called otherwise, but in hindi it was known as 'Jadoo Mantar aur Jahnoom' (I think it was Great Adventure into the Underworld?) I loved that movie so much!!

Honestly, it's these 5 doraemon movies that have a special place in my heart, that I'll always remember.

[tigre-edi-rawr]

October 2023: Life Update

[Lifestyle] All I do is work, eat and sleep. If I have extra time to spend, that would go into cleaning the house a little or watching series until I fall asleep. I don't have the privilege now to eat good food everyday, I remember eating instant noodles and canned goods every single day (still experiencing now). I would eat fast food once as a reward, then go back to eating instant noodles and canned goods because that's what's convenient and what I can afford until the next payroll. Sometimes, I don't even want to eat, it's like I'm not longing for it, I could just drink water and be hungry until I feel weak and falls asleep. I sleep in an old sofa foam placed in a cold floor, every day my back hurts, I feel chilly and uncomfortable. I think my body is just not used to not having comfortable things in her life. My parents really spoiled me in life, gave me things so my everyday life was comfortable.

But I think, my state is now improving, I am financially being okay. Hopefully, I can afford a new comfortable bed with many pillows and a soft blanket. And a refrigerator, so I could stock food and just grab then cook. I could eat well! If I eat well that means I'm taking good care of myself, right?

[Relationship] Hmmmmm. Having difficulties with this one right here. I used to laugh when people say "Saka mo lang makikilala ang isang tao kapag kasama mo na talaga sa bahay." Don't get me wrong, I believed it when I was younger but never thought this is so fucked up when you're actually in the situation. And it really hits now. It's fucking real. Tbh, wouldn't dare to say I'm all healthy and fun to be with but right now.... The realest I could say is that this is not what I hoped for, not what I longed for, not what I dreamed of. I don't want someone to change so that we could work, I learned that "Kung hindi kayo swak, hindi kayo swak." even if that special someone change, it's not the same when someone really fits in your life, it would not feel like everything is working and acceptable. I just want everything to be easy, like how puzzle pieces fit in a board. My life is too much right now, to be stressed in my love life too. I don't have the capacity to cater the misery. I just want peace of mind, home, comfort, someone who will love me the way how I wanted to be loved, my all-or-nothing, my ride-or-die, the yin in my yang. Life is a fucking roller coaster itself, why want a relationship like one also?

I would love to have someone who I don't have to struggle translating myself with, I want someone who really knows me, the things I want, I need and deserve. I don't want to be the "guy" in the relationship. I want to be the baby. I'm busy trying my best to be mature in life but in relationship, I want to be the immature one, the one who always need to be cuddled and showered with love because someone thinks that's what I deserve. Someone who will be afraid to make me feel tired, hungry, or give me something to overthink about, because that someone already know I have too much burden to add more up. Someone who will make every thing he can possibly make lighter to help me lift this heavy life. I want someone who reads my soul. I want a man, someone who will take care of me. Not someone I should mold so that I could have the man I wished for. For once, I wish to have a man that is already molded, what I wished for. I'm no therapist, not a place to teach boys how to act and love. I'm so done with this bullshit. For once, I want to be the one who will be told how to act, be mature and be healthy in a relationship. To fix me... fuck, if someone could do that, hands down to that man already. This bitch ain't easy.

[Work] I am always proud of myself for not being dumb, you know? I learn fast, my intellectual capacity is something I boast off. I really like talking to intelligent people because it felt like the vibe is reciprocated, you know. Like for real, not to be a jerk. Worth my fucking time. But anyways, at work, I'm still an idiot. Don't mind me boasting since I am bobo right now, still learning and a beginner. But so far, by the comments given to me, I feel like I am exceling and coping good enough. I hope I will end this year at work with my sane self.

Enough na sana with workmates na Jollibee huhu, I can't even. Especially those who work too much to be recognized and takes credit then you will look like a tae lang na nakastay lang kasi walang dulot. Intellectual property is a critical issue. I'd rather work alone than work with toxic and unprofessional people, my patience can't even.

[Mental Health] This bitch is always on a mood swing. The instant change of physical/mental strength, mood, personality, walang makasabay sa agos ng utak ko pota. Anyway, my PCOS is the biggest contributor of this dilemma, couldn't choose to be nice for the better or to be fucking real and act/speak as I would please. The emotion burst, the instant cravings, the bloating, the constant "walang gana" phase. Tapon ko na sarili ko? Not very helpful for someone who is also a perfectionist, ga-hibla na nga lang pasensya ko, mas numinipis kapag wala ako sa mood tapos tanga yung kausap ko.

But I must say, I am at my most peaceful self right now that I am away from all noise. Mostly, I am alone, so I could only hear myself, which is sometimes also irritating but yeah, things are a lot better for my mental health. I can always blame myself only for all the hardships I'm having, the biggest relief. I am responsible for everything that is happening around me and inside me. A little easy to digest and solve since it's easier to forgive myself than other people if they destroyed or hurt me :)

I have a lot more to say, but I'm exhausted already. Bye.

[anotherwvba]

Challenge Accepted pt. 9

The living room of Mika and Skye's Campus Lodge apartment was a harmonious blend of two distinct worlds. On one side, the walls were adorned with posters of anime posters for "Sailor Moon" and "Pretty Cure," shelves upon shelves of manga and blurays, a display of meticulously arranged anime figures, model kits, and statues, and a few autographs from her favorite seiyuu.

On the other side, Chicago sports memorabilia took center stage. The walls had a pair of jerseys, a Bulls and a Blackhawks, hanging side-by-side, along with a Cubs World Series pennant. A small bookshelf held two autographed balls, a football by the Bears and a basketball by the Sky, and a small Chicago flag nestled between them.

The furniture was comfortable. The WVBA supplied a pair of recliners, a cozy couch, and a coffee table that currently held an array of Filipino snacks. Mika had just finished preparing turon, a sweet banana roll, and kwek-kwek, quail eggs coated in seasoned orange batter.

Just as Mika was setting down a bowl of shrimp chips on the coffee table, there was a knock at the door. "Ah, perfect timing! Come in, come in!" Mika exclaimed as she opened the door to find Cutie and Niki standing there.

Cutie walked in holding a six-pack of Fanta Melon Soda. "My parents sent these from home to celebrate my win. Thought I'd share the love!"

Niki feigned a wounded expression. "Are you ever going to let me live down our match, Cutie?"

Cutie chuckled, "Oh, of course I will, Niki. Right after I knock someone else out!"

Niki playfully shook her fist at Cutie, "Oh, you're just asking for it today, aren't you?" The room erupted in laughter.

Mika, still beaming, turned to her guests. "Salamat for coming, you guys! I really appreciate your help with this anime party."

Niki shrugged, "Hey, I'm no expert like you two. I mean, I've only watched stuff I grab at Walmart like 'Naruto' or 'My Hero Academia.' But I'm happy to help!"

Cutie's eyes sparkled. "I'm so thrilled you asked us, Mika! But I've got a quick question. Um, have you considered... cosplay?"

Mika's eyes widened, her face lighting up like a Christmas tree. "Cosplay? Bakit hindi ko naisip 'yun? We have so much to do!"

After a few hours had passed, the atmosphere in the apartment was buzzing with excitement. Mika sat in the floor, her tablet sitting in her lap, while Niki and Cutie were lounging on the couch. Now, they had a plan… and full stomachs.

"Those snacks were amazing, Mika! I've never had Filipino food before, but I'm a fan now," Niki exclaimed.

Cutie chimed in, "Hai, those quail eggs were something else. So good!"

Mika beamed. "I'm glad you both enjoyed them! Now, let's recap. For the anime party, we've got four hours in the gym. We’ll start with 'Cowboy Bebop,' then  'Ranma 1/2' and ‘Attack on Titan.’ From there we move on to 'Pretty Cure,' 'Death Note,' 'One Piece,' 'Bubblegum Crisis,' and 'Gundam Wing,’ in that order."

Niki's eyes widened. "Wow, that's an eclectic mix! Something for everyone, huh?"

Cutie was equally impressed. "It’s got classics and modern hits. I love it! Now, here’s what I’ve got for the guest list. There’s the three of us, obviously, Skye, Joe, my brother, and Disco. I say we invite Hippo and Bull, too.”

“I knew King Hippo was an anime fan,” Niki says matter of factly, drawing an odd look from Mika. “Look, IT sent me to help him get Crunchyroll to work on his TV.”

“Ah. Makes sense,” Mika nodded. “But, Bald Bull?”

“Oh yeah!” Cutie smiles, “He gives me a shopping list of model kits to bring back every time I visit family. He loves, and I mean loves, Gundam.”

Mika clapped her hands together. "Alright, then! The more, the merrier!"

Niki leaned forward, her eyes twinkling. "On the technical side, I can handle sending out digital invites and I’ll make sure to add that cosplay is allowed. And for the screening, the gym already has a massive projector screen that lowers from the ceiling. I'm thinking of… borrowing… the 4K Ultra HD projector from the arena and bringing the Dolby Atmos speakers we use for outdoor shows. The specs are just… ah, so good!"

Cutie and Mika exchanged glances before bursting into laughter. "You really geek out over this stuff, don't you?" Mika said.

Niki shrugged, "Hey, if you're going to do it, do it right."

Mika then clapped her hands together again, "So, what's everyone wearing for cosplay? I’m breaking out my Sailor Moon."

Niki shook her head, "I'm going to sit this one out. Never cosplayed before and don't have the time to put something together."

“Don’t worry, Niki,” Mika chimed in. “I love sewing. We’ll get you ready for the next cosplay opportunity.”

Cutie pulled out her phone and started swiping. "I'm torn between my Spike Spiegel and my Kamen Rider Kivala." She showed pictures of both costumes to Mika and Niki.

"Wow, both look amazing!" Niki exclaimed.

Mika was intrigued, "Kivala? What anime is that from?"

Cutie chuckled, "Actually, Kivala isn't from an anime. She's from a live-action show called 'Kamen Rider Decade.'"

Both Mika and Niki leaned in, suddenly curious. "Live-action? Tell us more!" Mika urged.

Cutie grinned, "Well, it's a tokusatsu show, a Japanese genre featuring superheroes, special effects, and lots of action. Maybe we should consider a tokusatsu party down the road?"

Mika's eyes sparkled at the idea, "That sounds like another epic gathering waiting to happen!"

Niki nodded, "I'm in, as long as there are snacks like today."

“Oh no,” Cutie shakes her head. “I can’t cook. You know that, Niki. I can burn water.”

“You’ll never go hungry as long as I’ve got a kitchen.” Mika stood up, her eyes shining with gratitude and excitement. "I can't thank you both enough for helping me plan this. It's going to be an anime party for the ages!"

Cutie and Niki joined in the excitement, their faces glowing with anticipation. "We wouldn't miss it for the world," Cutie said.

And so, the trio sat there, their hearts full and their minds racing with ideas, each one contributing a piece to what promised to be an unforgettable night.

[sunb0rn]

how to strong. 😌

gusto ko mag kwento ng mas maayos with the bullets pero baka di ko magawa ksi may tambay with werkmate later so itype ko na.

got home ng 9 pm from first day sa gym. bhi latang lata ako *baka may separate post nalang for this. eh dba 3 rides pa ako pauwi feeling ko kanina muka akong lasing tas parang di na ako aabot ng bahay. pag dating ng apartment di ko pa makapa susi ko so tumabi ako sa may tindahan para makipatong ng bag. nakita ko naman.

pagpasok ng gate kinakausap ko sarili ko kung maakyat ko pa yung 4th floor. hahaha. siempre wala naman ako choice, mukang tulog din si kar eh. konting konti nalang gusto ko nang paalalay sa kanya just in case mag collapse ako eme. though mukang malabo ko din naman gawin yon kasi sanay tayo magsarili *hair flip.

pag pasok ng unit, tulog pa si kar then nagising sya. kahit latang lata nakapag kwnto pa ako sa knya ng mga feels ko hahaha taena para lasing talaga. siempre di ko pa kaya maligo, nahiga na muna ako. sabi ko mag set nalang timer para makagsing for ligo pero di ko talag sinet para no guilt kapag nag dirediretso tulog ko.

bandang 930 nadidinig ko si kar kausap si fani sa fone pinapapunta kami sa tambay, eh buti gising diwa ko naisip ko mag takip ng legs ksi naka undies lang ako. minsan wala ako tiwala kay kar sa gnyan hahaha i mean baka ksi malinutan nya na nasa likod nya ako tas kita sa vc.

ayon strenght na ulit atih niyo. HAHAHA. tatawa lang ako sabi kasi ni kar itsura ko kanina mukang nabugbog tas 30 mins na higa okay na??

di ko alam kung matutuwa ako sa sarili ko sa ganito o ano. parang ang cool ksi bilis nung recovery ba yan or usual naman sa akin na hindi matakaw sa tulog, baka yon lang din. pero kaasar kasi target ko na gising/tayo sana ay 10pm pa. hindi naman ako dahil sa phone call eh parang sakto lang na pagkatawag eh buhay na ulit ako.

eto naextend higa ko kasi nauna nang maligo si kar, mag dinner daw sila ni gelo. after niya liligo naman ako and we'll try sumunod sa tambay.

baka lang din kasi tambay ready ako tonight kaya yung katawan ko g din. miss ko na pati mga ganito with werkmates eh.

eto pa yung chat ni mikko bago ako maka idlip na nakita ko nalang pagkagising. eh gustong gusto ko maglaro nung organ attack na card game ni makki 😭

bago naman ako matulog wala na ako plan pumunta. kung nung pauwi sana from gym kaso nag cancel ako kasi hindi ko na kaya. eh namilit pa si fani kay kar. cute ng wekrmates 🥹🥹

[lenabuncaras]

Book Two: The Selection

“Dream mo ba talaga magturo, Sir Cheese?”

Napatingin agad ako kay Jazmin kasi nag-uusisa na naman. Usual tambayan na niya yata ang library after class. Nauna naman ako rito, nasa ibang table siya kanina. Lumipat lang ako ng mesa nang makita ko siyang nandito rin at nagbabasa ng hiniram na libro.

“Bakit mo natanong?” sabi ko.

“Itong book.” Ipinakita niya ang cover ng binabasa niya. The Selection ni Kierra Cass. “Naisip ko lang, what if may ganito talaga in real life. Yung parang hindi ka puwedeng mangarap para sa sarili mo kasi you were born for something else na hindi mo gusto.”

“Hmm.” Tumango-tango naman ako habang iniisip ang point niya. “Ano ulit ang question?”

Natawa siya nang mahina at binuklat ulit ang page ng binabasa niya. “Dream mo ba talagang magturo.”

Nagusot ang magkabilang dulo ng labi ko saka umiling. “Actually, dream kong mag-explore sa napakaraming lugar.”

Mula sa pagkakayuko, sumulyap siya sa ’kin. “Travel?”

“Kinda.” Tumango naman ako. “Nakakapag-travel naman ako every quarter. May means naman ako to travel.”

“Tapos work mo ’to rito. Matagal na ba?”

Natawa naman ako nang mahina at marahang umiling. “Actually, nitong summer lang ako nag-start magturo.”

“Oooh.” Namilog ang labi niya saka tumango-tango, naagaw ko na naman yata ang atensiyon. “Kaya pala hindi ka familiar as prof. Kailan ka nag-apply? Nitong summer lang din?”

Pilit na pilit ang ngiti ko nang tumingin sa kung saan. “Hindi ako nag-apply.”

“E?” Napaurong naman siya at sinukat ako ng tingin. “Paano ka nakuha? Referral, gano’n?”

“Sa archives ako, initially.” Itinuro ko ang building sa kaliwa na tanaw sa second floor kung nasaan ang library. “I was working sa data collection. May bachelor’s degree ako sa library and information science. May master’s degree ako sa humanities and social science. Hindi ko first choice maging professor since exposed ako sa restorations and other nerdy whatnots.”

I could see the sparkle in her eyes, mukhang bilib na bilib sa pinagsasabi ko kahit pa in reality, tagasalansan lang ako ng mga maalikabok na folder at libro sa shelf.

“Pero ang bata mo pa. Genius ka siguro,” sabi niya, nakangiti nang kaunti.

“I don’t think it has something to do with the IQ. Masaya lang talagang maging curious,” sagot ko.

“Kinuha ka nila roon,” sabi niya, tinuturo ang building na katuturo ko lang din.

Alanganin akong ngumiti. “Yeah, parang. Nasa maternity leave kasi yung nag-iisang prof nila ng humanities dito and wala pang applicant na humanities ang major. Mas marami ang medical-related and hospitality and culinary applicants since ’yon ang maraming estudyante rito sa school.”

“Sa bagay.” Tumango-tango na naman siya. “Mahirap ding mangarap kapag mahirap ang papangarapin.”

“But dreams are relative,” dagdag ko. “’Yang book na binabasa mo, before ko ’yang mabasa, may nakakuwentuhan ako about diyan. Her name’s Alvic.”

Ate Alvic is a criminal data analyst and she’s working at a background checking company. The nature of the work wasn’t a surprise kasi family business din siya ng lola ko kay Momsky. Medyo maliit siya, parang hanggang balikat ko lang. Cute, mukhang huggable. Ombre ang buhok na wavy, and the nature of her work wasn’t that visible sa looks, but she has piercing eyes. And she looked so sweet and friendly.

What surprised me was the book choice.

Most of the time, I judge the book by its cover—literally. Kasi separate ang creator ng book cover and their rights, separate din ang rights ng author. So I have to look at the book parts by parts and credit where credit is due.

The cover is nice, bluish, and “girly” kaya hindi na rin ako nagtaka na ’yon ang naisipan niyang basahin. Bago sa akin ang book, new stock din yata kasi maayos pa ang book cover.

She asked me one time when I was working as a student assistant dito sa library, “Ano ang masasabi mo sa mga nagku-quiet quitting sa work or nabu-burn out?”

Hindi naman sa nagrereklamo ako bilang student assistant, pero tiring ang work in a sense na parang paulit-ulit ang gagawin mo araw-araw. Papasok sa library, magsasalansan ng books, mag-e-encode, uuwi. Kinabukasan, ganoon ulit.

Lifeless.

Sabi ko na lang, “May karapatan naman po ang lahat ng taong ma-burn out or mag-quit kung hindi na nila maramdaman ang growth sa work nila. Siguro kailangan din ng passion sa ginagawa. Kasi kapag hindi ka passionate sa ginagawa mo, hindi mo talaga siya magugustuhang gawin. Mentally, ide-drain ka talaga niya kasi you’re forcing yourself to do something na, in the first place, hindi mo naman ginusto.”

“What if ginusto mo naman siya before? Passionate ka roon sa job before, pero na-burn out ka na lang katagalan. Kaya pa ba siyang ma-ignite ulit?”

Hindi ko ’yon agad nasagot. I was twenty, barely earning for myself, umaasa pa rin sa allowance ng parents, but I worked sa library for a discounted tuition fee kasi malapit na rin ang graduation ko.

Privileged kid, yes. But I didn’t want to stay doon sa privilege na, feeling ko, hindi fair.

“Hindi ko po alam ang isasagot about work, Ate,” pag-amin ko. “Pero let’s say, ganito na lang po. Passionate po kayo noong una, then that means, at first, you like what you’re gonna do. Hindi siya forced labor o kaya imposed rule na dapat doon ka magwo-work kasi nasa batas. Ako po, gusto ko itong ginagawa ko rito sa library kasi ang mga head namin dito, mababait sila. Doon sa kabilang building, maraming masusungit na admin at nakakatamad mag-assist doon kasi parang lagi silang nagagalit kahit wala ka pang ginagawa.”

Mahina siyang natawa saka napatango. “Yeah, pamilyar ang eksena.”

“Nasa workplace din po yata nakadepende ang passion. Kapag po supportive sa inyo ang environment, hindi naman po nakakawalang-gana mag-work kasi alam mong may superior na su-support sa inyo.”

“May point,” napapangiting sabi niya. “Pero ikaw. After mong mag-student assistant, mag-e-aim ka ba sa higher position kahit alam mong toxic ang magiging superior mo?”

Pilit na pilit akong ngumiti saka umiling. “Neck-and-neck situation po kasi ’yon. Noong nasa student council po ako tapos tinataas nila ang position ko, hindi ko naman alam na required palang maging makapal ang mukha at makipagtagisan lagi sa mga rooting din sa higher position. Pero ako naman po ’yon. Kung okay lang po sa inyo at palaban kayo, support!” Natatawa akong nagtaas ng kamao para sa kanya.

Nakikita ko kay Ate Alvic na rooting pa siya ng something more sa status niya that time, and I saw nothing wrong about that. It was part of growing na hindi ka puwedeng maging stagnant sa kung ano ka lang ngayon. You have to change the course of your life and you have to decide for yourself.

“Graduating ka na ba? Ano’ng course mo?” tanong niya sa ’kin, tumango naman ako.

“Yes po, graduating ng information science. Pero sa next, next year pa po ang graduation ko kasi irregular student po ako.”

“Oh, I see.” Tumango-tango naman siya sa isinagot ko. “Dream course?”

Mabilis akong tumango. “Yes po.”

“Suwerte mo naman. Bihira kong marinig ’yang course mo.”

Naiilang akong ngumiti saka napahimas ng batok. “Wala po kasi masyadong pera pagka-graduate, sabi nila.”

“Hindi naman siguro. Buti na-pursue mo.”

“Yes po. Supportive po kasi parents ko.”

“Suwerte mo sa parents mo.”

“Sobra po. Plano ko rin pong mag-master’s degree habang waiting ng graduation ko.”

“Wow. Ang sipag mong mag-aral.” Kitang-kita kong napabilib siya sa sagot ko. Hindi naman sa masipag, gusto ko lang talagang gumawa ng dissertation para may ilalaman din ako rito sa library someday na gawa ko.

“Kayo po, graduate na kayo?”

Alanganin siyang tumango. Parang oo na parang hindi.

“Dream course n’yo rin po?”

Mabilis siyang umiling, walang sinabing kahit na ano.

At that moment, napaisip ako. Sobra-sobra siguro ang privilege na meron ako para piliin ang course na talagang gusto ko. Kasi ang daming estudyante na nag-aaral lang for the sake of diploma at masabing naka-graduate. Pero iilan lang ang gusto ang pinag-aaralan nila.

“Pero ikaw,” dugtong ni Ate Alvic, “kung sakaling graduate ka ng hindi mo gustong course, ipu-pursue mo pa ba ang dream course mo kung wala ka nang time to do other stuff for self-satisfaction?”

Tinitigan ko siyang mabuti kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin.

“Self-satisfaction po na ano specifically?”

“Hmm . . .” Tumingin siya sa itaas, parang nag-iisip. “Let’s say ako, may work na kasi ako. May family na ako. Kung mag-aaral ulit ako sa dream course ko, practical pa ba?”

Mabilis naman akong tumango. “Limitless naman po ang pag-aaral. May nakaka-graduate po kahit 70 years old na. Siguro po, mas lamang ang pagpili n’yo ngayon sa priority kaysa sa dream course. Kasi ang tao naman, kung priority niyang marating ang dream niya, ’yon ang ipa-prioritize niya. But since may second-thinking moments kayo, mas nangingibabaw ang happiness and self-satisfaction n’yo sa ngayon kaysa sa dream course n’yo. It will consume time po kasi. Mag-aaral kayo, mahahati ang time n’yo. Of course, kayo po ang magde-decide kung sino o ano ang deserving paglaanan n’yo ng oras sa ngayon.”

Matipid ang naging ngiti niya sa akin habang tumatango. “Yeah.”

“Importante rin naman po kasi ang oras. Kapag lumipas na ’yon, hindi mo na ’yon maibabalik. Kayo pa rin po ang pipili kung ano ang uunahin n’yo sa ngayon; kung mag-aaral kayo o yung ibang bagay.”

Ang lalim ng paghinga niya at patango-tango lang na isinara ang binabasa niyang lubro. “Kapag lumipas na, hindi na maibabalik . . .” pag-ulit niya sa sinabi ko. “What if possible na makabalik ka. Babalik ka ba sa nakaraan para itama ang isang major wrong decision na naging malaki ang impact sa buhay mo right now?”

Tinitigan ko pa siyang mabuti kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng tanong.

Twenty pa lang ako. Hindi ko alam kung may narating na ba ako sa buhay na life-changing para sumagot sa tanong na ’yon.

“Sorry po pero hindi po ako babalik,” sabi ko agad saka nahihiyang umiling.

“Why?”

“Kasi po naniniwala ako sa relation ng isang buhay sa buhay ng iba. If babalik ako sa nakaraan tapos may babaguhin ako, ibig sabihin, marami rin akong buhay na mababago at mababago rin ang future. Everything happens for a reason. Binigyan din kayo ng choice beforehand. Hindi n’yo na po mababago ’yon kasi nangyari na.”

Ganoon lang din siguro karami ang regret sa buhay ng tao na lagi silang nagki-cling sa past, and they all wanted to change it.

I have my own fair share of regrets, but the more I cling to them, the more I couldn’t move forward to have a better future.

Hindi kasi puwedeng mag-rely lang lagi sa past kasi mino-mold lang n’on ang magiging future mo na lalo kang mai-stuck sa lugar na dapat matagal mo nang nilisan.

Choice ng tao kung gusto niyang mag-grow. And the first way to grow is to step out sa dark place kung saan sila na-stuck. It wasn’t easy kasi iba-iba nga naman ang pace ng buhay. But then again, pace means moving from one place to another kahit gaano pa kabagal. It wasn’t about staying at one place, and magically, magmu-move ka na sa kabila.

“Ako, dream kong makapagtayo ng café,” sabi ni Jazmin. “Wala pa ’kong budget, pero someday, sana.”

“Kaya ’yan. Need mo lang din ng solid support,” sabi ko.

May kinuha na naman siyang bookmark sa libro. “Cheesedog was Here,” pagbasa niya at ibinalik na ulit ’yon sa page. “Grabe, sipag magbasa, sir. May favorite quote ka rito? Nakakabisado mo ba ’to lahat?”

“By birth you have been blessed, and it is time to acknowledge that blessing,” sabi ko.

Biglang lumapad ang ngisi niya. “Hala, angas!” Itinuro niya ang isang page sa libro na may highlight. “Dito naman, ‘It's the fear of looking stupid that keeps you from being awesome.’” Inilipat niya ang tingin sa akin. “Wait, okay lang bang sulatan ang mga libro dito?”

Natatawa akong tumango. “Hindi sa nang-e-encourage, but it was a good way to tell everyone na galing ka sa book, and you read everything from the paper to its soul.”

“Pero ikaw, bookmark lang. Hindi mo sinusulatan.”

“Kasi kapag ako ang nagsulat diyan, sana nagsulat na lang din ako ng separate book review sa dami ng sasabihin ko.”

“Hahaha! May point ka diyan, sir.”

Isinara na niya ang libro at nginitian ako. “Kumakain ka ng kwek-kwek, sir?”

Nakangiti akong tumango. “Yeah.”

“Libre mo ’ko, sir.”

“Hahaha! Jazmin, Jazmin, Jazmin.” Napailing na lang din ako. “Sige, tara sa labas. Kain tayo.”

• co-created by @akosiaey

• Next update: January 15, 2023, 7 PM

[celestial-sapphicss]

hey vi hope you’re feeling better! how about ☾ & ✌️for the language asks?

hi antania! thank you dear, i am doing better!!! i don't have to tell you about how much i am continuously amazed by and in love with your edits 😭❤️

for the speak your language day ask:

☾ : favourite word(s) from your language

this is more difficult than i thought help because i don't remember any words with a profound meaning but there are some words which have the most beautiful hindi/urdu/punjabi songs written around them like दिल (dil - heart), इश्क़ (ishq - love), नैना (naina - eyes), ज़िन्दगी (zindagi - life), मेहरबान (meherbaan - benevolent), दीवाना (deewanapan - crazy in love with someone or something), मोहोब्बत (mohobbat - love), मेहबूब (mehboob - the one who is loved), बातें (baatein - conversation), दिलदार (dildaar - beloved), पल (pal - moment), जान (jaan - life/can be used to address someone affectionately), ख़याल (khayal - thought)

✌ : favourite proverb/saying from your language

okay i have a few of these, most of these are to tease or make fun of someone lol

नाच न जाने आंगन टेढ़ा (naach na jaane, aangan tedha); literally translates to 'complaints that the floor is tilted when they don't know how to dance': it's used when someone makes excuses or blames something else when one doesn't know the work

बंदर क्या जाने अदरक का स्वाद (bandar kya jaane adrak ka swaad); literally translates to 'what does monkey know about the taste of ginger': it basically means that an ignorant/foolish person cannot appreciate fine/good/better things of life, basically an indirect way to call someone a fool sksks

थाली का बैंगन (thaali ka baingan); literally translates to 'plate's brinjal/eggplant/aubergine': it's used to adress someone who's fickle minded and changes their sides/opinion as it suits them.

बैगनी शादी मैं अब्दुल्लाह दीवाना (beygani shaadi main Abdullah deewana); literally translates to 'Abdullah going crazy at a stranger's wedding': it's used when someone's way too involved about a situation that has literally nothing to do with them

रहिमन धागा प्रेम का मत तोड़ो चटकाए, टूटे से फिर न जुड़े, जुड़े गांठ पड़ जाए। (rahiman dhaaga prem ka, mat todoh chatkaaye. toote se fir na jude, jude gaanth pad jaaye); literally translates to 'don't snap break the thread of love. it won't mend if it breaks, and if it does, there will always be a knot': it's pretty self-explanatory and Rahim Das' version of uwu girl saying saying sorry to the glass you broke doesn't fix it lol

this got very long sorry!!! hope you're having a great day 😘🌹