#fixed my fucking depression somehow

[1-800-scream]

Okay so I started a new job today in line with my dream career (I’m a professional seamstress now) and I come home after work to find my boyfriend making:

Meringue

Meringue cookies

Maple creme brulee

Raspberry/Strawberry purée

Herb butter

Steak

AND a fucking pumpkin spice cold brew with extra homemade pumpkin whipped cream on top

THESE ARE ALL FROM SCRATCH minus the cow!!!! I guess I’m bragging but I really just am in disbelief at how this man loves me. He told me to go sit and relax and he doesn’t want my help, and on top of all of that he’s been fixing a 1906 singer machine for my friend?? Because he wanted to??? I’m so in love y’all what the hell. Now I gotta figure out how to make him feel as loved as he makes me feel;;

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

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[raeathnos]

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[neverendingford]

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[tallykale]

episode 19

as you can probably tell, i've thought a lot about what post-canon one would look like in my vision... i've said before that i have issues with straightforward fix-its, and i do genuinely love the tragic open-ended conclusion that the series has, but i... am not immune to playing with characters like dolls LOL

here's some writeups about where everyone is at mentally in these pictures. please please please PLEEEASE feel free to ask me more about this cuz i love talking about my beautiful mind palace

charlotte: somehow the most optimistic person in here, mostly out of necessity. when she died, she saw parker leading her out of a cave as her waiting room and was about to take his hand when airy respawned her, so she has a brief moment of bonding with bryce when he talks about the waiting room and seeing stella. with the knowledge that there is potentially a way to get out (bryce and liam being the proof) and the fear of rotting away again she is by far the most actively motivated to help liam figure out the computer. a lot of her days are spent talking to liam over the mic and writing out the code in the dirt so she can try to understand it. she still has to push against her natural misanthropy (and often shouts at liam or bryce for being fucking stupid and useless) but both working on the code and helping amelia give her something concrete to focus on outside herself. she wants to get home so she can make amends with her friends. charlotte is scared of dying! she's really genuinely horribly scared of dying and has awful vivid nightmares about rotting away. she often pushes amelia into talking about her life which causes some tension, but it's because she really hates seeing amelia lose herself like that - a metaphorical rotting away of the self.

subway seat & atom: not on the same level of pure existential depression as the batch 1 contestants, but they both feel the hopeless mood pretty harshly regardless. subway feels very lonely as the only hidden object still 'awake', and likes to carry whippy creamy around rather than just leave him sitting on the ground constantly. tray is too big and unwieldy for him to do that with, but he 'hangs out' with her anyway, talking to her and whippy creamy in the hopes that it'll get them to want to wake up again. atom doesn't talk much, but he still carries his piece of grass. he's definitely the person who's the least affected by the prospect of being stuck on the plane forever, since he… doesn't really perceive existence in the same way as everyone else? he's an atom. but his time in the competition definitely made him view everyone else as friends, and he feels even more powerless than usual in the face of this incomprehensibly difficult problem.

amelia: falls into total hopelessness when bryce rejoins, basically seeing it as the final sign that they're never going home. still calls everyone their competition names (she actually gets into a big fight with bryce about it lol). she gets really clingy and dependent on bryce when he first comes back but it crashes and burns pretty quickly when, during an argument, bryce tells her how much he wishes he could just go back and never have let liam in and forgot about everything… which really sucks for amelia to hear, given that she's part of that everything. after that, with bryce isolating himself, she's kind of reliant on charlotte to keep her going. she blames liam for airy dying and secretly kind of thinks he killed him but just isn't telling them… she also doesn't really believe there's any way of getting out and is just kind of waiting around to die of, like, old age i guess. after how long she's been here, amelia is convinced that she has nothing to even go back to and frequently forgets details about her life. regularly cries and hates being alone. the shift markings on the side of the water tub have changed from being a way to keep track of time and stay sane to a horrible reminder of how long they've been here and how much longer of an eternity they have before them.

bryce: hates himself and liam and airy and the plane and his entire stupid fucking life. bryce is really, really fucking pissed off at liam for losing the notes and letting texty die and every other mistake he's made, and isn't shy about telling him that. as well as being angry, he's also incredibly miserable, because he was finally starting to turn his life around (he quit drinking after the plane) and now it's all for nothing - and even worse, those 7 months he spent getting better were 7 months he did nothing to help the rest of them, especially amelia. he's horribly guilty about that, and that he didn't tell amelia about the fake votes before he was eliminated… but finds it easier to just let liam take the heat for that one at first. after he fights with amelia about it he becomes a bit of a hermit, hanging out by himself next to the plug, and never responds when liam tries to talk. contemplates suicide regularly but pretty much the only option is drowning himself, and the idea of that still scares him more than staying like this forever. would kill for a beer.

liam: tortured by horrible guilt every day over a million different things. these include getting bryce pulled back into this (plus delayed guilt over getting him for real killed), letting texty die and not saying anything about the charger, not telling amelia that everything was fake, knowing that charlotte is going to die if he doesn't get really smart really fast… he's frequently gripped by fits of rage where he almost smashes the computer and has to hobble around outside with the axe for a while to blow off steam. he has really bad nightmares and dissociative episodes, made worse by the isolation and spending hours in a dark cave. liam really wants to fix things with everyone but genuinely has no idea how to start that conversation. he assumes airy killed himself (and views it as an unforgiveably cowardly move) and directs a lot of resentment towards him. he has a lot of things he wants to say, especially to bryce, but the fact that he cant talk to anybody one on one makes things difficult. spends a lot of time just reading through the code, too afraid to actually make any changes in case everyone explodes, but talking it through with charlotte at least makes him feel like he's doing something. more than he would like to admit, liam catches himself staring at the plane as if it's a simulation or a livestream.

[samkerrworshipper]

the monsters gone

part 3 of beautiful girl series -> part 1 -> part 2

leah williamson x reader, jordan nobbs x reader (wobbs as moms)

warnings: drug addiction, drug abuse, talks of illicit substances, depression, intrusive thoughts, would not advise for people in a bad mental headspace

You wanted her to leave, or you were desperate for a fix and well aware that it wasn’t going to happen until she was gone and you could retreat up to your room like normal. 

You scratched at the incision on your forearm, it was hidden underneath your hoodie but you could feel it all the same, it made you feel guilty. 

You’d never felt guilty for taking drugs, why would you? It was your choice, your body, your brain that you were fucking with. Yet for some reason, the little mark that you knew was sitting right on top of your vein was making you feel guilty. You didn’t want to admit it, but it felt oddly like the start of something, you weren’t sure what though, whatever it was though, it didn’t feel good. 

When the door clicked open around 2 o’clock you felt far more at peace, watching your mom hobble through the door with Lia following her. Jordan stood up almost immediately and if the room hadn’t already been awkward then the awkwardness found a whole new definition as the two women looked at each other. 

“Hey Jord, thanks for hanging around, you’re looking good.”

Your mom looked relieved to see Jordan, your ma on the other side looked slightly terrified as she eyed up the two women. 

“It wasn’t an issue, you know I love spending time with my chick.”

Leah smiled, looking down at you on the couch, you buried your head in your phone, ignoring her gaze. 

“Whether she admits it or not she likes seeing you as well.”

Your ma laughed awkwardly, it took everything in you to not burst out laughing at all of the tension between the two of them. 

“Look I’ll be heading off, gotta me back in Birmingham for game review tonight but can we talk for a minute though Le?”

Your mom’s head cocked to the side, a look of curiosity evident on her face. 

“Yeah sure, come with me.”

Lia watches them with the same look of curiosity as you, your eyes meeting as the trail back from the doorway to Leah’s office that they both step into. 

“They’re talking about me.”

Lia doesn’t bother trying to ignore you or deny what you’re saying, she nodes her head. 

“Probably, that’s what most parents do.”

It’s a absentminded answer, and for a second your aware that maybe Lia is in on whatever is happening, that she knows exactly what is going on behind the door. If anything important came from the phone call earlier you know Lia would be the first to know, she was like the third parent you never asked for nor wanted, but somehow ended up with. 

“Ma thinks that Mom’s parenting is shit.”

Lia cocks her head, she’s harder to read then your moms, more calculated, more clean, less obviously emotional. 

“She just disagrees with some of the things that your mother does, so do I. Nobody else is in her shoes though, she makes the decisions that are necessary and best for you.”

Lia sounds convinced of her words, even though you doubt them. 

“Ma doesn’t think so.”

Lia bit down on her bottom lip, finishing with tucking her kit bag away so she could focus her attention on you. 

“She worries about you.”

You did your best to suppress the eye roll, it didn’t work. 

“She worries that mom is too nice and isn’t strict enough.”

Sometimes you thought that your mom compensated for the void between the two of you by letting you do whatever you wanted, other times you were reminded by your grandma that she’d told Leah she needed to go easy on you and that not everyone could be as perfect as Leah Williamson. 

“Your mom knows what you need better than anybody else.”

The conversation paused, the two of you flinching at the sound of yelling from the other side of the door, you couldn’t make out what was being said, both of them were yelling though. 

“Set the table for lunch for me, kiddo?”

You couldn’t pull your eyes from the door, you hadn’t hear your moms yell in a long time, it took you back to when they were breaking up, when they tried to act like they weren’t, when they saved the fighting and yelling for when you’d been tucked into bed and they’d thought you were asleep. 

“Kiddo, table.”

You stood up from the couch, your eyes staying stuck to the door, even as you pulled cutlery from the drawer and laid it out with the placemats on the table. Eventually, the yelling ceased, and the room was over come with a silence like no other, only being broken by the door opening and your two moms walking out, both of them looking far more content considering that it had sounded like they were screaming at each other, not thirty seconds ago. 

“Bubba, Jord is going to head off, if you want to say bye.”

Jordan’s arms opened up to you and as mad and confused as you were, you weren’t going to deny her. You walked around the table, leaning into her hug, wrapping your arms around her the same way she did for you, letting her hold on for a little bit longer. 

“I’ll be back when I can chicky, I love you so much.”

You wanted to tell her she was lying, that they were all lying, they didn’t fucking love you, it was so fucking obvious. But for the sake of keeping the peace you didn’t. 

“I love you too Ma.”

Jordan let go of you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. The same way she had when they’d adopted you when you were eight, the same way she had after your first game when you were 12, the same way she had when you were 14 and you’d been top of your form and given an award, the same way she had when she’d left for good when you were 16. It was the same kiss, yet everything about it was different, the meaning, the purpose, the intention, it was all different. 

You watched as she walked out the door, the same as every time, you listened to the sound of her car starting and the sound of gravel underneath her tires as she pulled out and onto the road. 

Once you were sure she was gone you turned around, sliding into a seat at the table, across from your mother, staring at her. 

“What were you guys talking about?”

Leah looked at you, poker face as good as ever. 

“Football, some other stuff.”

It was a obvious lie, both you and Lia knew it. 

“You were talking about me, what about me?” Leah rolled her eyes at you. 

“It was a conversation between your Ma and I, not for your ears.”

You didn’t bat an eye as Lia set lunch down in front of you, to fixated on your mother. 

“You don’t yell over nothing, what were you talking about.”

Leah pushed her tongue out against her lips. 

“Your ma had some concerns about you, that’s it, I told her she had nothing to worry about and that we were doing just fine.”

You knew that even if you didn’t want to admit it, Jordan probably had some valid points, your mom seemed unphased though. 

“That’s it?”

Leah looked at you, and you could tell that she was holding something back. 

“She told me that you’d told her you smoked weed last night and that you were vomiting this morning.”

You tried to keep your face from changing, keeping the confident exterior even if you were slightly scared on the inside. 

“I got drunk, I had some fun, it was no biggy.”

Leah’s eyebrow rose in the trademark question. 

“It’s a biggy to me because you told all you were doing was vaping and a little bit of drinking, you said you’d be honest with me and it’s clear you haven’t been.”

You hesitated for a second, the air thickening around you as suddenly the tension was between you and your mother. 

“I was just having some fun mom, I didn’t do anything stupid, I was safe, just like you asked.”

Leah’s face shrivelled up as you used her words against her. 

“You were out with friends I’ve never met, at a house on the opposite side of town that I’ve never been too, Jord said you looked like you’d been on a three day bender and I told her that I didn’t believe her but now you’re here admitting it.”

You reached into your pocket for your vape, desperate for something to take the edge of the conversation off, to make you feel calmer. 

You pulled it out and Leah’s face immediately pointed inwards.

“How many times do I have to say no vape at the table?”

You frowned, shoving it back in your pocket. 

“It was just a bit of weed mom, it’s what kids my age do.”

Leah shook her head. 

“It wasn’t just a bit of weed, I’ve been smelling it on your clothes for weeks and trying to tell myself I was being delusional because you’d told me you were just on the vape, that you had no interest in drugs and yet you were lying to me, you have been for a while bubba and I don’t know how to feel about it to be honest. I thought we were closer than most parents and kids, I thought we had boundaries and that I was giving you enough space, and now I don’t know what to think.”

You pursed your lips, struggling to find words. 

“And if you’re lying to me about weed then what else is there? What else is there you aren’t telling me because there has to be more. I let you drop football, I relaxed on the school because I know you were struggling but this doesn’t work if you aren’t honest with me.” 

You really didn’t know what to say, your mind was in a million different places, the container underneath your bed, the joints on your windowsill hidden behind the curtains, the three vapes in your bedside table, the drug dealer numbers in your phone, what had happened last night, the meth track mark on your arm. 

“Nothing, it was just some weed, I just wanted something to take the edge off, it was no big deal.”

Leah’s eyes closed for a second and you knew this was all about to get a lot harder. 

“Except it was a big deal because you’ve been doing it behind my backs for weeks, I’ve tried to be understanding bubba, I have, I know it’s been tough for you with me and Jords breakup, you’ve had a really hard year, I let the vaping slide, I let your attendance drop at school, but drugs bub, it’s no joke.”

You took a deep breath. 

“It’s just some weed, I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”

Leah wants to say that if you’re this relaxed about being caught doing weed then she doesn’t want to know what else you’re hiding from her that would make you less relaxed, but she keeps it to herself, or for this moment at least. 

“I want you to bring me whatever you have of it, I won’t have you smoking illicit and illegal substances underneath my roof.”

You figured there were worse things that could happen, she could find your stash, she could take your vape, she could ground you or make you go to school. 

“Okay.”

Your mom nodded, happy she had at least won a small battle. 

“After lunch.”

You nod again in agreeance, looking down at the caesar salad in front of you and stabbing your fork down onto it, picking up the different pieces of lettuce and chicken scattered throughout. 

You make it through half the meal before you grab your bowl and pick it up, walking into the kitchen to do you washing up, your mom follows behind you, her bowl empty. 

You take the dish from her, cleaning it out and stacking both of them in the dishwasher, knowing whats to come now. 

You slow yourself down on the stairs giving her the time to follow behind you as she dragged her bad leg up every individual stair. 

Leah had been putting in hours everyday for her rehab, it was her main focus, over everything else. 

Eventually the two of you made it to the top of the stairs, and eventually to your bedroom door.

You hesitated before opening it, you couldn’t remember the last time Leah had been inside it, way before her acl, ever since she’d gotten injured she’d been avoiding the staircase. 

You opened the door, hand pausing on the cold metal doorknob for a split second before pushing it open. 

Your room was still freezing, you didn’t miss how your mother shivered from the breeze that hit her face immediately, coming straight from the open window. 

“Jesus kiddo, you trying to replicate antarctica in here? You know I pay good money for heating, right?”

It’s a lighthearted joke, yet somehow it hurts for you, you don’t know how or why, you just know that it does. 

“I like it cold.”

Leah looks at you, both brows furrowed inwards. 

“Alright then polar bear.”

You try not to flinch away when her hand reaches up to ruffle your hair, it’s something she’s done to you since you were a kid, it feels wrong now though. 

“Let’s just get this over and done with.”

You walk over to your windowsill, reaching behind the curtain and reaching for the bag of joints that you have stashed behind the material. Leah frowns as you walk back over to her, shoving the bag into her hands before she can even ask. 

“This is all of them?”

She looks completely unconvinced, you probably would be too, most kids don’t give up their drugs willingly. 

“Yes.”

Leah looks at you, eye to eye, like she’s trying to reach into your soul, or read your mind. 

“Bubba, this is your chance, I’m giving you an opportunity to be straight with me, and whatever you tell me or give me I won’t be mad about. I might want to sit down and question your decisions, but I won’t be mad. Teenagers are stupid, they make mistakes, they try new things, I get it. Be honest with me bubba, please.”

You didn’t really know what Leah was insinuating, but it was clear that she knew there was a bigger picture here. 

“That’s it mom.”

You had to tear your eyes away from her, you couldn’t handle the way that she was looking at you, the mix of disappointment, resentment and worry mixed into her blue irises. 

“Bubba, don’t make me search your room, don’t make me have to ground you, don’t make me have to call Jord and get her to turn the car around to help me out.”

You brought your eyes back to Leah’s. 

“That’s it mom, I don’t know what you want me to tell you, I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

You were lying through your teeth and the fact you couldn’t look eye to eye with Leah would have been enough of a warning sign of that. 

“Drugs bubba, that’s what I’m talking about, you’re lying straight to my fucking face right now, I don’t know what about or why but you are.”

You didn’t know what to say, you weren’t going to admit it, you couldn’t, but you needed to say something. Fuck, you were so fucked. 

You tried to spin it in your head, tried to think about how you could make this work out. You were caught, you were done, this was bad. 

Your eyes darted to below your bed, rookie fucking mistake. 

Leah caught your line of sight, and you knew as soon as she did that it was all about to go to fucking shit, that you were done for. 

“Lia.”

Your mom’s voice was urgent, a yell that had the swiss woman bounding up the stairs in a matter of seconds. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

You were so fucking fucked. 

You were frozen in your spot, your mom’s eyes looking at you like she’d just been stabbed in the heart. 

“Bubba, you can get whatever you are hiding from me or I will get Lia to tear this whole room a part, I’m not fucking around.”

You felt torn down the middle, your brain couldn’t think, you felt the same sickness sink in from this morning, instead of it being withdrawals from drugs though it was the realisation that your whole life was about to be turned upside down. 

You tried to think, tried to think about how you could spin this, make it a little bit better than it really was. 

Lia looked more uncomfortable then possible, you wished a blackhole would randomly pop up and swallow all three of you. 

Something hit you, it wasn’t a full resolution but it was better than what you currently had going for you. 

You walked over to your bed, with unsteadier legs then last night when you were so drunk the world was spinning, crouching down when you got to the edge, feeling for the familiar container that held all of your deepest darkest secrets, or at least that’s how it felt. 

It took you back to a time when you’d made Leah check under your bed everynight for the monsters under your bed, now though she was looking for the monsters in your head, the monsters that had turned her little perfect girl into whatever you were now. 

Your hand eventually met the hard plastic, you pulled it out, biting down on the inside of your cheek as you stood up and sat down on the edge of your bed. 

Leah took a couple steps closer to you, standing directly in front of you. 

“Look, it’s not mine, I only did it twice, my friends bought it over, I swear.”

Half of it was true. 

“Open the box, bubba.”

You felt your throat tighten, you felt like you were going to vomit, or pass out, or have a heart attack. 

“Mom, I didn’t want to, I don’t even like it, I just did it because my friends were, I swear.”

It was also another half truth. 

“Bubba, open the box.”

You bit down even harder on the inside of your cheek, reaching for the edge of the plastic box and opening it, revealing the two baggies of white powder inside of it. 

Leah’s face fell, in a way that you’d never seen, you’d seen her disappointed before, this wasn’t it, it was something else entirely and you weren’t sure what. 

“Bubba.”

Your mom was a overly emotional person, you couldn’t handle her crying right now though, you couldn’t do it, you couldn’t deal with her pretending she gave a shit when this was the first time in months that it felt like she cared, and it was all because of Jordan, not on her own volition. 

“I swear mom, I swear, it’s not mine, I promise.”

It wasn’t a lie, it hadn’t started out as yours, you’re friends had left it behind after a weekend hangout and had never asked for it back, so it technically wasn’t yours, technically. 

“Bubba, what is it?”

Leah reached for the box, picking up the two bags, the bags that you felt like held your whole life together. 

“Cocaine, it’s just a little bit of coke, my friends were using it before parties, I didn’t like it, it made me feel dizzy and it hurt my head.”

The cocaine bit was a lie, but the fact you didn’t like cocaine wasn’t, it was the kind of stimulant which put you into over drive, the high lasted no where near as long and it made you feel like you weren’t making sense.

You were hoping she would believe the cocaine, inevitably, cocaine was a pissy drug. Leah would have been at thousands of parties were cocaine was handed around, hell, you were fairly certain your mother had taken plenty of it. Cocaine was less addictive, good cocaine was also stupidly expensive, the value of it was fucked. Meth was cheap but a thousand times more addictive, cocaine was a better like. 

“Lia, get rid of it.”

Your mom handed the bag of joints over to Lia, as well as the bags of drugs, shoving them into her hands like they were burning her hands. “I don’t even know what to say to you bubba.”

Your mom looked genuinely at a loss for words, her eyes kept darting between your eyes and your hands, which were shaking in front of you. 

“Mom, I promise, it was only a one time thing, really, I was just keeping it for my friends.”

As soon as the tears started spilling down Leah’s face you knew it was about to get bad. 

She walked over to your desk, pulling the chair out from it and dragged it across the room until it was directly in front of you, your mother taking a seat. 

Her hands came out to rest on your knees, they were shaking like yours, not as badly but still shaking, though for different reasons you assumed. 

“You told me the weed was a one time thing, that was a lie. I don’t know what to believe anymore, you’ve put me in a impossible situation, bubba. On one hand, I want to believe you. I want to believe the kid I raised, on the other hand you haven’t given me reason to. You broke my trust, you lied to me, you broke the house rules. I don’t ask a lot of you, I let you get away with more than your ma would let you, and I was fine with it because you were showing me you were a good kid, but now I honestly don’t know what to think. You told me it was just the vapes, I thought you were using a little bit to much nicotine and now it turns out that you’re smoking pot and doing drugs. You’ve been hiding and lying and I just don’t get why. Why bubba? Tell me why.”

Big tears were dripping from your mothers eyes, big, wet, fat tears pooling in her icey blue eyes. 

“I don’t know, okay? I’m sorry mom, I’m really sorry. I’m sorry. I love you, I didn’t mean it, it was just some fun, it was a one time thing, I promise.”

Leah pursed her lips, the same way you were, the sleeve of her shirt was pressed to her face, picking up the tears that were dripping down her jaw. 

“I’m going to go and call your ma, this is a discussion we need to be having together, I need her here for this.”

Little did they know how bad it really was. 

Leah stood up, you thought she would just leave, heading back down to make a call to your ma that would inevitably change your life, instead, she sat down next to you, her arms opening up. 

You leaned into her side, letting her wrap both of her arms around you. 

“I’m sorry mom, I’m sorry.”

It was the only thing you could think of saying, the only thing that sounded right coming off the tip of your tongue. 

“I love you so much my beautiful girl, we’ll figure this out, your ma and I, we’re all going to figure this out.”

Leah held onto you for a little bit longer, her arms tightening onto you like you were holding her down to earth, like she would float away if she didn’t. 

Eventually she let go, her face was puffy and red, her sleeves were red and she sounded all sniffly. 

“I’m going to go and phone Jord, we’re going to sort it all out, we’ll figure this out, okay? We’re both here for you, we both love you so much, you’re our little girl.”

You found it weird how easy it slipped off of her tongue, you wondered if she actually believed that she meant it, you wondered if when your mother said it that she meant it without really meaning it. There were words but there were no actions to support those words, just empty syllables and letters all formed together in a intricate lie. 

You watched as Leah limped her way out of your room, her bad leg trailing behind her good one, rule number one of parenting a child you now know is drug addicted, never leave them alone in a room they can escape from when you’ve just confronted them. 

[ivvyela]

imagine with me, if you will, a nwh potential fix-it involving none other than the multiverse saving duo deadpool and wolverine.

i know, i know - but please, let me cook.

wade and logan now jump across timelines to "fix" things aka travel the multiverse for funsies and deal with the consequences later and somehow end up in a universe where peter parker doesn't exist, but spider-man does. and wade, blessed with the power of "i know this for the plot", immediately knows that is bull. shit. and sure enough, they find one very depressed, very lonely, and very jaded peter parker.

after much annoyance, light stalking, and following spider-man while he's on patrol, they get peter to spill how he ended up in this situation. and after hearing everything, logan breaks the silence with a simple, yet effective: "shit, kid. that... shit."

"yeah, well... now you know, so you can, like, leave me alone."

"nope, not gonna happen." wade shakes his head and tactfully ignores logan's imploring look of what-the-fuck-are-you-getting-us-into-now "i take my job as marvel jesus very, very seriously, so frankly, this is my job to fix your sorry little life, buddy. and if flat-out telling them you exist didn't work, then - "

"oh, i actually... i never told them."

"...come again?"

"i tried to tell them, but i couldn't. so..."

"i'm sorry... your best friend and girlfriend were crying, telling you to come find them and remind them of you, and you chose not to?"

"they're happy and safe without me! i wasn't going to ruin - "

"oh my god. you sweet, self sacrificial, idiot spider-baby. okay! we can fix this! we're no tony stark, but consider us your pseudo daddies for the time being, kid. let's get you your life back."

which is how one very emotional and determined deadpool, followed by a stoic, nonchalant wolverine (who, in all honesty, probably should be completely against this, but once wade commits to something, he can't be talked out of it, and the sooner he gets his fix from this the sooner he can go home, so fuck it we ball), end up in a certain cafe, all up in a poor barista and her friend's face with a cut-out yearbook photo of some kid, yelling "LOOK AT HIM! LOOK AT THIS BOY! HE'S SO LONELY! LIKE A SMALL, FORLORN, VICTORIAN CHILD! REMEMBER HIM, GODDAMMIT!"

(their efforts result in two confused and scared teens, and getting kicked out of said cafe.)

peter practically begs them to just leave him alone, that this was his choice, and he's fine with it, but both wade and logan know a lie when they hear one. they both know what being alone can do to a person, and peter is just a kid who got dealt the shittiest cards in life and at this point, it just feels wrong to leave him here without trying to do something. and maybe they both have a small soft spot for the teen, so what?

and peter knows both men can see through his broody, teenage angst front he's been putting up since the spell, and he's tried so hard to hate the two of them, get them to hate him so they would leave, but they're not budging, so really, there's no point in trying to push them away, right?

and so, he lets them in. he learns that while logan is stoic and intense and kinda terrifying, he's also someone who just wants to do the right thing for the people he cares about. he's also lost people, and he blames himself, but he's come out on the other side. he would tell peter about his daughter, laura, who wouldn't let him wallow in self pity because she is good, better than he has ever been. he never saw himself as a father, but she's still around, so he must be doing alright.

and at first hearing it would result in a pang in his chest, memories of thai food after walking into a smoke-filled kitchen, assurances that things will work out when everything feels hopeless, a tombstone that can never convey everything she was, but now... it's nice to hear that logan still had someone after losing everyone.

so, peter listens to logan's stories. in return, peter tells logan all about his mom.

and wade was brash and loud and conceded and really, really annoying, but he's... no, that's it. he's all of those things, but in a weird way, it's like all those bad qualities merge together to make him a good guy. and yeah, he can walk away at any point, he has absolutely no obligation to help peter, but he does it anyway.

("nonono, don't you dare make me some selfless hero type, kid. i know for a fact that every deadpool has a peter. i'm doing this for the me in your world."

"you're... huh?"

"bottom line, i'm a selfish bastard. i'm doing this for me, 'kay?")

peter didn't fight it. he's had experience with seemingly self-absorbed, deflecting type heroes.

wade doesn't replace him, not even close, but... still.

maybe peter will never get back what he lost. but, for the first time, peter sees a light at the end of the tunnel. that, maybe, he can stop being just spider-man, and he can start being peter parker again, too.

(and if there's a barista talking to her friend about how it's weird that two guys would show up holding a photo of an odd customer from weeks ago, demanding they remember him, and despite not knowing him she felt something, and her friend couldn't help but agree, well... that's neither here nor there.)

[hippielittlemetalhead]

So... I lied about getting a full fix-it to This → Part 1. Y'all get parts focusing on different characters for now as Hop traverses his guilt trip. I won't say it gets worse before it gets better but... kinda in places? I promise it's a happy ending though!!

What do you want from me I'm stressed and depressed and I like making my blorbos suffer (a.k.a projecting my trauma instead of doing the healthy shit my shrink tells me to)

You've been warned... But I do hope you like it.

So here we have Part 2 (Pride and Prejudices: Joyce Edition)

He goes to Joyce about it first. Thinks about her gentle herding of the trio that has become the Hopper-Byers brood. Thinks about how she put everything he was feeling about Mike and El and their giggling and the fucking door into words that kept him from looking like an imbecile (if he'd have ever used them instead of fucking it up 'winging it'). Thinks about the way her voice stays soft and kind of quiet even when she's spitting in his face about listening to her (and every time she's been right) and how that's translated to talking down government goons and wrangling the army of children that seems to get bigger each time they have to fight interdimensional terrors. So he goes to Joyce about what Murray said, the noise Steve made with That Look in his eyes and his bandages peeking out from under a shirt that looks like one of the Henleys he's been missing since coming 'back from the dead' and they dug out his clothes from storage. (El wouldn't let her throw anything out, not until she was ready to say goodbye. Thank whatever god[s] there may be she never needed to)

He doesn't expect Joyce to make a face like he suggested inviting Owens to family dinner. He doesn't expect the scoff and eye roll as her shoulders tense and her hands flex at her sides like she's about to let loose her (honestly really attractive) righteous fury. About the Harrington kid.

Maybe he should have asked when the kids weren't home. Before El quietly told them the bullying wasn't as bad as it was in California but some people still made fun of how she spoke and how all of her friends were boys (and just as quietly asked they not do anything. Asked that they let her and The Party handle it until they couldn't). Before Will came home sulking about something idiotic Mike said or did or something the kid missed (though lately the latest Wheeler mistake is followed by bashful mention of the Emerson kid doing something specifically to make Will feel better in the moment). Before Jonathan came home from 'job hunting' or 'volunteering at the school's relief center' reeking of weed and his long-haired friend in tow (less than usual but still enough to make Joyce feel guilty for missing it for so long, for making the boy grow up so fast that he spends his days out of his mind instead of the weekend bender like when they were kids). Before The Party had come by with what homework the school was still giving out and talking over each other about all the latest small-town gossip a teenager can get their hands on (Eddie's name has been cleared but he's still laid up at the hospital. Susan Mayfield has been noticeably absent according to every nosy housewife in Hawkins considering her daughter is in a coma. The Hagans, Carvers, Perkins and a handful of other 'well to do' families have skipped town taking most of the sports population with them. Steve has been letting people displaced by the damage crash at the Harrington mansion. Steve has kept up hours at Family Video somehow and is a regular volunteer at the various relief centers in town. Steve has been giving all of them rides and may have told Dustin he's thinking of trading in the Beemer for a bigger vehicle for all the kids and people he chauffeurs about. Steve keeps a room empty and waiting for when Max wakes up before her mother makes an appearance. Steve. Steve. Steve.)

He doesn't expect the way she spits his name like she's talking about Dick and Margaret under the bleachers over a smoke before the yard teacher catches them. The rant about bullies and broken cameras and trashed kitchens and dead monsters in her fridge. The crack in her voice when she crosses her arms to stop their shaking as she lays sin upon sin at this boy's feet.

And maybe before that would have been enough.

He doesn't expect the stone in his stomach or the burning in his chest as he looks the woman he loves in the eye and says "So I guess we should tell Nancy to break up with Jonathan before he pulls a Lonnie, huh?" It's a low blow. He knows from the hurt anger on her face and on the purse of her lips. He knows that's why he said it. "That kid is lucky to be alive let alone walking and have we ever even thanked him for keeping the fucking kids alive each time they pull their dumb shit when the world goes to hell? Does that sound like anything his folks would have ever done for us? Hell for their own fucking kid they practically signed over to ME of all people?"

He's shaking now too and Joyce has her hands fluttering between them like she wants to reach out. To touch, comfort. Pull him close and tell him to take a breath.

"He called me 'His Hop', Joyce" He barely has enough breath on him to squeeze the words past his tight throat. "Called me His Hop and watched Ellie and the kids when I just couldn't and you were at work. I don't think I've seen his folks in town since the mall was opened and all the donors had that big party. Don't think I've spoken to them since '83 and they made me the kid's guardian when they aren't around cause they didn't want to fly down for a government sized concussion."

By now he knows El and Will are peeking around the corner, their eyes wide and worried. Jonathan has his door cracked and Angus (is that the hippie's name? He can't remember) is whispering something about heavy auras. Joyce is staring somewhere off in the distance, wringing her hands and biting her lips like she's facing an interdimensional portal shaped problem.

"The kids are planning to have one of their games in a few days." Her voice is brittle in a way he's not used to anymore. Not since she pulled her youngest out of hell and faced down a demon clawing through her walls. "He always drives them over and- and disappears until they need to head home. I can make sure he stays for dinner. Like the rest of the kids. I know Claudia has been having him over so I- I can get some recipes from her that he likes."

Something in his shoulders shakes loose and he reaches out to pull her practically shaking from into his chest.

"I don't know what to say to him Hop. He's not Mike and he's not like either of my boys. In my head he's just always been..."

"Dick and Margaret's brat." He sighs out and rests his cheek on the top of her head as she nods and presses herself in closer.

He's aware of eyes on them. Confused and worried and judgemental and he'll pay that piper next. These kids taught him how to be a dad again once, they can do it again, right?

Part 3

Part 4.1

@thelittleclare @jackiemonroe5512 @0body0disphoria0 @strangersteddierthings @lingeringmirth

Part 4.2

Part 5

If I missed you in the tag list I'm sorry I tried 🙃🫡 Tell me what you think? 🫣🥲

[fizzyorange-v2]

just talking to my friend in dms about how at first when q!charlie started calming down from his rampage i was kinda upset cause i WANTED a full villain arc i wanted blood and rage and a massacre but then I kept watching and realised how much of a fucking idiot I was to underestimate charlie slimecicle’s rp skills like that. because charlie isn’t just playing a character hell bent on righteous revenge for his daughter, he’s playing a character actually grieving that daughter.

it’s obvious now that i think about it that the initial revenge plot to kill all the eggs and his repeated self affirmations that juanaflippa isn’t gone and that it can all just be reset are clearly just him entering the denial and anger stages. and that later scenes after the rest of the server finally backed him into a corner and calmed him down and he had that heart wrenching scene looking at juanaflippa’s photo, asking for a literal trial for her life and soul back and then that whooooole bar scene, that he has then entered the bargaining and depression stages.

Because the truth is, q!charlie doesn’t actually want to kill anyone (except Mariana lolll), he especially doesn’t want to kill any of the eggs! All he wanted was to be a good dad. And I think that that’s part of the reason he as a character failed so hard to actually tangibly hurt anyone during this stream. He was a mess, crying screaming yelling clawing trying to do something, anything to save his daughter. Anything to fix it all. That scene of him failing to break into Phil’s house haunts me.

But I think there’s something especially tragic that before Juanaflippa, q!charlie probably was the kind of character to hurt others without caring, he seemed to have no idea about empathy or healthy relationships before her thats for sure. He’s literally already killed TWO eggs before this, so causally and with such ease. But his love for his daughter improved him, and it changed him, and it made him just enough of a better person that when that daughter was taken from him, suddenly even to save her he can’t fucking do it anymore.

I also really appreciate how everyone else on the server reacted to him too. They didn’t at all treat him like some big bad scary villain like I originally would I’ve expected. Sure they were understandably wary and protective, but every single one of them weren’t so much angry at him as… WORRIED for him. And it really helped put it in perspective that this isn’t some guy going on a hashtag villain arc, but immersed me in oh fuck. This is a guy that just lost his daughter. And all his friends and fellow parents know. And they aren’t scared of him, they’re concerned for him. They aren’t full of fear… but pity. Because they know. They know what he’s just lost. And they understand. And they’re trying to be there for him.

And Charlie despite all the grand speeches and diabolical plots and not so carefully placed land mines… doesn’t really care how he gets Juanaflippa back, as long as she’s with him again.

Just man,,,, the way Charlie performed this character’s grief is so fucking stellar and SO fucking excruciating. The part that genuinely broke me was in that photo scene when he said: “i'm sorry flippa... i thought i could change something- i thought i could undo it, thought i could make it right... now i see that there's no way this can be made right...” which already fucking ow ow OW and clearly him finally exiting denial/anger straight into depression but then he whispers THIS FUCKING BIT: “it wasnt even on purpose… i know that... it doesnt make it better… what do i do juanaflippa?” LIKE FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!! OKAY!!!!!

Anyway massive props to everyone for the rp today but ESPECIALLY charlie for this agonisingly accurate and visceral depiction of grief that I somehow was NOT expecting. I thought we were going to get villain arc egg massacre angst and instead we got father mourning his daughter trying futilely to do anything to bring her back angst. I’m never fucking recovering from this one.

[icarusredwings]

Not really comfortable exploring his part of his charater since its a bit too close to home for me but it's common for patiants with brain cancer to become violent and agressive depending where their turmor is and what it's hiting/ the way your brain is physically reacting to it's changes.

In the comics, there's lots of reference to domestic abuse from Wade and sometimes towards him in return and this is not a "Logan should have to deal with Wades overly agressive behavior" but I can see how utterly terrifying this would have been for his non regenerative partners.

Wade's LITERAL brain chemistry is changing and fluctuating all the time so it wouldn't be uncommon for him to come home and suddenly be acting very weird for him. That's the thing though. Everyone knows that Deadpool is unpredictable, its one of his largest charater traits. He's so unpredictable that even Task Master wants nothing to do with him.

Though I think about this being an easy fix for Logan, where else it might not be. Sure, before he figures it out he definitely would be pissed and confused, maybe even emotionally hurt.

Yeah they fight, yeah wade hit him a lot during those fights but it wasn't really the same. It's like those fights were unwrittenly consensual but hes been angry for no reason all week, cursing up a storm. The things Wade said never usually were this hurtful. But it was starting to get to him. His last straw is when he has the audiacity to kick puppins out of the way.

A 'There is NO way that's Wade' moment before stabbing him in the head.

Theres a fuss, some wrestling, but ultimately this fixes the problem. No you idiots not because he beats wade into submission Tch you could never actually do that. One of his second biggest traits is resiliency. He was literally deprived of air for al.ost 3 days straight and still managed to beat the fuck out of people, had his chest put a huge hole through, and then proceeded to run off. There is no "breaking him like a horse" or even a dog. His spirit is far to strong and he hates himself so much that nothing you say will truely hurt him, only hurt his trust in you cause he trusts you not to say those things but have been thinking the same thing about himslef for years.

It's when Logan finally hits the tumor (and or digs it out) when Wade's brain tissue regenerates and therefore removes the presssure/chemicals causing the problem. Wade also has a ton of memory issues because of stuff like this and honestly I can see him not even remembering that he did all thess things so when Logan tells him he was being an ass to him, how he called him a useless good for nothing, how he hit him when they weren't even play fighting, how he kicked puppins(?!)

He would be extremely over apologetic and probably cry because he himself knows what its like plus he can't control it and knows this will not be the last time.

Wade is toxic. He is extremely abusive in the eyes of healthy normal non regenerative non mutant relationships. And theres nothing he can do about it.

Yeah, Wade gets bitches. But keeping them is harder then making Al stop doing coke. It's never going to happen. Unless somehow someway someone removes his cancer without him dying, he will forever be like this. Ofc he dosn't want to be. It's why Vanessa probably left him. DV is hard enough but "Sorry I punched you in the face I had a huge tumor in my brain" is one of the very very very very very VERY few excuses for it. Because he CAN'T change though and often falls into manic depressive episodes as well, It's too much for a human.

It's impossible to handle if you don't have the correct tools.

Fortunately for Logan, He has 6. And won't let Wade get too out of hand. I can actually see him beating the fuck out of him the second he even tries to swing at him, sit up from all the blood on his face and hands, tumor between his teeth or something. "Better?"

It takes a few seconds for him to kick back, but it's one of those things where it can't be helped without ripping your boyfriends skull open.

"Better... I'm sorry, Logan.."

"You better be. I had a black eye for about 3 seconds, and I was really pissed about that."

"I bet you looked hot tho.."

"Shut up. You're introuble. Now clean up your brain juice before Al slips and dies."

Later that night, Wade tries to cuddle with Logan as an apology, curling into his back and snaking an arm over his waist.

A growl comes from Logan but he dosn't do anything about it. As mad as he is, he knows Wade cant help it and Wade was never angry at him when he blacks out and attacks him so why should he stay angry at him?

Honestly, he's more pissed about the name calling because it kinda hurt his trust with him. It hurts far more coming from his mouth than his own.

[amica-aenigmata-naboo]

Not to Me

Christian Yu/Mito x Y/N - drabble - 861 WC

Masterlist

Warnings: TW! mention of suicidal ideation, depression, fear, fluff, comfort, jealousy, hugs and kisses for the special bb boy, so much love its almost gross

-----------------------------------

Christian watched from across the room as you spoke to Da-bin. You laughed, hard. You playfully shoved him, almost spilling your champagne. Christian sat in the shadows, the party for the Dream Reborn World Tour was in full swing and had been for hours. Christian was exhausted and defeated. His whole heart had gone into getting the tour going. He had rarely seen you over the past two months and you were nothing but understanding. Yet he couldn’t help but feel like the long hours had put a wedge in your relationship and it was all his fault. So there he sat, watching you and his band member talk. He knew in his soul you would never cheat on him, but that didn’t make him any less jealous. Didn’t make him want to somehow fix it all and beg for you to stay. He could feel Mito inside, aching to take over. He fought so hard to be himself while all this was going on, to be normal. But he was losing the fight; he stood up slinking out of the venue. He lit a cigarette as he walked through the city, wandering back towards your shared apartment. At some point during the walk it wasn’t Christian moving, it was Mito. He had no idea how he ended up at the Han River but he did. Even worse, he was looking over the edge of the bridge into the deep blue below. He leaned in, closer to the edge. His foot slipped, a shoe coming off and pulling him back into reality. He stepped away from the edge, stumbling backwards before deciding to run home. Even Mito was scared of the hasty decision he might make. Once home he collapsed in your shared bed, wanting to escape his own mind.

--------------------------------------

“Christian?!” you screamed as you bolted through the front door.

Mito woke up with a start; why did you sound so panicked? He sat up, stretching a bit before the bedroom door flew open and startled him. 

“Oh my god…” you sobbed, running to him and engulfing him in a bone crushing hug. 

He felt confused but hugged you back instantly, “Baby? What’s wrong?” 

You leaned back, your voice sounding angry but also pained, “What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Are you kidding me??” you said searching his face.

He looked genuinely confused.

“I have been calling you since I saw you slip out for a smoke at the party. I thought you might want some space so I didn’t follow you but then… then you didn’t come back.” you said, eyes becoming big and round. “I called you so many times… you never answered. I got nervous and left the party. I walked home just in case. And what do I find at the fucking Han River? Your fucking shoe!” you said, hitting him in the chest as your tears pick back up. 

Oh. He understood now. “You… you thought I…” he gulped.

“I thought you jumped!” you yelled at him. You weren’t angry and he knew that, you were worried to death. “The only reason there isn’t a S.W.A.T. team searching for your ass is because I checked your location!” you hit his chest once again.

You took a breath, trying to steady yourself.

“I thought… I thought you were dead.” you cried, holding his face in your hands just to confirm to yourself that he was real and there with you, not at the bottom of a river. 

Mito kissed over your cheeks, catching your tears on his lips. He felt himself crying. Not only because of the fear he instilled in you but the fact that your nightmare had crossed his mind as an idea just hours previously. He felt ashamed and the question of why you were with him drowned his mind. “I’m ok…” was all he could think to say - over and over again until your sobs turned into sniffles. 

“I love you,” you said, “Don’t ever fucking scare me like that again.” you said in all seriousness. The way your heart dropped when you saw his shoe on the side of the bridge. It felt like your soul was ripped out. You had never rushed home so fast after picking up his distinct shoe (the one you painted red hearts on). You felt some relief when his location was current and said your shared address but that didn’t stop your mind from racing with all the other horrible things that could be happening to him. 

“I’m sorry…” he whispered, “I love you too… I don’t understand…” you could barely hear the last part. 

“Don’t understand what?” you said, thumbing over his cheeks. 

“Why do you love me?” he asked. His eyes looked so pained, so full of fear. 

You smiled at him softly, “You are my happiness. My sun, moon, and stars. Everything fades into background noise with you. You’re all I want and all I’ll ever need.” you said, sounding so sure of yourself and the decision to love him.

“It’s rotten work loving me,” he said.

“Not to me.” you assured him, kissing him so passionately it took his breath away.

-----------------------------

Naboo's Note:

Two requests in one fic! Hello all, sorry for the little break, life was life-ing and got very busy very fast. I hope to post more but there will be another community update soon that I think would be helpful to read so I don't get anyones hopes up too high. Thanks for sticking around, XOXOXOXOXOXO!!!!!!!!!

[iz-star]

Zayne's newest card made me tear up a little.

He truly heals that part of me that it's very much broken and still under maintenance ❤️‍🩹

CW: Adult talk about mental health issues and how Zayne's been a good unintentional therapy.

I sometimes joke about how "To sit on his lap would totally fix me" as a reference to his Hidden Motive card and basically that he loves MC to sit on his lap but you know, I think to be hug by him is what actually would hold together all the pieces of me that are about to fall. He hugs MC with such delicate touch, so much tenderness and you can see the love pouring from his touch, his gaze, his words.

I once mentioned in another post that I totally understand Zayne's trauma with nightmares because there was a time I had them constantly too. There's actually another part of that story: back in the day I was so stressed that my blood pressure was always high. The very reason I had to be taken to the psychiatric hospital was because there wasn't another medical reason for my high levels of blood pressure than stress. I got my blood pressure checked for 10 days (or was it 15? I can't remember) in order to discard hypertension, I also got some medical tests done to discard if the problem was in my thyroid, blood tests to check my levels of cholesterol and tryglicerides, I even got an echocardiogram but according to every test, my body was... fine. There was no apparent reason as to why I was shaking like a wet dog against the cool wind in the backyard.

I knew I was anxious, stressed and basically on high alert all the time but somehow I came to normalize the dizzines, the shakiness of my body, the arrhythmias and feeling extra weak all the time. I'm not going to talk about the reasons that led me up to feel that way bc they're too personal and sensitive, the point is: I was so stressed that my body started to somatize my mental state.

It was there when I had to be given antidepressants and got diagnosed with depression, panic disorder and other stuff that I prefer to omit atm. I started to sleep more because of the medicine but it wasn't a good sleep bc it was there when the nightmares would always make me feel distressed and exhausted everytime I woke up. I also used to had arrhythmias when I went to sleep.

This is another thing I love about Zayne's nagging about sleeping early that I forgot to mention in my previous post: Sleeping properly not only helps your body to regain energy and start the process of reparation and regeneration of cells, but not sleeping properly can lead not only to mental health issues but also, heart issues. Zayne, being the cardiac surgeon he is, knows what's truly best for you.

If I'm honest, even after therapy, I haven't been able to heal all what's causing me to be stressed. My panic attacks have decreased greatly but not entirely and you know what's funny about Zayne and panic attacks? Out of the four LIs he's literally the best option to help out with them: not only is he a Doctor and knows how to act in emergencies while keeping a calm and collected attitude but his evol is the best ally in these cases. Back then, whenever my panic attacks would hit me, that shit about breathing never the fuck worked with me (and I'm telling you this with all the frustration I feel just to remember) because to be aware of my breath only made me feel like it was easier to lose control over it. So I had to be given a couple of ice cubes in a bag pressed over my neck and face in order to wake up my brain from the emotional distress it was putting me into. The sudden cold sensation not only helped me to wake up but was also comforting from all the sweat you get to produce in these attcks.

So yeah, I can picture Zayne seeing that when nothing is working, he could cool off his hands to the right temperature to help you wake up from the emotional distress. His touch not only gentle but comforting, making you remember that his hands are the safest place in the world and there's no danger.

Even to these days, whenever someone touches me all of sudden, I can't help but flinch and my heart beat rises automatically, I'm not lying when I say that even for the smallest things my blood pressure rises. Around two months ago, I had to go to the Doctor bc I got sick and the nurse had to ask a few personal things that got me anxious so quickly that once we were done, my heart was running wild in my chest. The next thing the nurse did was to check on my blood pressure and guess what? It was higher than it should be. Next thing she did was to do a quick test of my blood and it was all fine, so she brushed the blood pressure as me being sick.

When I had to start therapy, the hardest part was to talk about the things that were stressing me out. It suprised me how difficult was it for me to put them into words, because the first sessions, whenever I tried to start talking, my voice trembled and my heart beat would rise, the ability to breath leaving my body with each try. The psychiatrist had to literally drug me with xanax, then rivotril just for me to calm down and be able to fucking talk lol.

I suppose this is the reason that his latest PV got me a little too emotional: he's the one who offers his heart for you to listen, he's the one who tells you that his heart holds no secrets that can't be uncovered and softly asks you to be honest. I'm sure that the topics of the card are less serious that the things I've talked about here but the point still remains; in order for you to open up, he also puts himself in a somewhat vulnerable but sincere position, making you know you're both in equal terms. You put your heart on the table, he does it too. He holds you closer for you to listen his heart, his sincerity something so soft yet endearing that I just know I'd be able to say everything.

Most of the times, to talk about these topics with a few ppl has been quite frustrating. These are things I don't talk about with my family to a certain point and my friends don't have the emotional capacity to handle such things. I know I overwhelmed them and none of them knew what to say when the topic was lying there on the table, bare and ugly. The only friend that was able to offer some support was actually someone that went through a very similar situation than me.

This is not a complaint, in life I've come to understand that most people won't feel emphaty for you unless they truly understand the meassure of what you went through and most cases, it only happens if they have experienced it by themselves. Of course, this won't stop them from trying to be kind but they probably wouldn't realize that their words could hurt you instead of helping you. My friends aren't bad, they're just rough because life has made us like that, no one in this life has been taught how to help. We learn it by experience.

That's another thing that I love about Zayne, he literally exists to help. He made it his mission in life to help. If I were to ask emotional support from him, I know he would take it as it is: a place where one is allowed to be weak. No judgments, no assumptions, just a space to feel safe to breakdown. When MC opened up to him about losing her family and how that was the reason she was having an unhealthy lifestyle lately, instead of his normal nagging, he understood her and said how she had the right to do what she could to cope with her pain but just asked her to make sure not to get injured in the process. He didn't judge her, he gave her a space to acknowledge her pain and the way she was dealing with it, and they weren't even that close back then.

I've been learning to live with this heart of mine who gets scared so easily that it's kind of funny how I came to love this fictional character whose role is to be a cardiac surgeon xD When I started to play this game nobody told me that this Doctor would literally help me heal my heart. If my body flinches when someone touches me, to see the extra care and love he touches MC with makes me feel so many things. He's been broken too many times that of course he knows how to hold something with the utmost care.

I started to play around the end of February and I'm still surprised at how Zayne's writing has checked out all the boxes in my fragile spots. He's been so therapeutic for me, and it's just surprising (and a little bit sad) how he's helped me to heal what real men (and some women) have broken in me. He's the man that has helped me the most aside from my brothers and step father who only hurt me greatly the day he decided to leave this world. It's so funny how a fictional character has done all of this to me, how his reminders about eating and sleeping properly worked for me outside of the game and how he telling me to have more confidence also helped that now I even also have a better job, (I mentioned it in another posts, but for a couple of years my mental state made it difficult for me to get a job and the jobs I was able to get later were all informal and bad paid) but I also can't help thinking that he's a man written by women after all and I wonder if some ppl in his writing team had gone through difficult situations and crafted him out of the things that helped them to heal.

Women help women at the end. I wish Zayne's writing team a long and happy life. And I wish the same for the other LI's writing teams because I know just as Zayne has helped me and other girlies to get up and keep going forward, the other guys have done the same for their girlies ❤️‍🩹

Thank you, Zayne and your writing team for making my 2024 better than the previous years and helping me to start moving in life again ❤️‍🩹

[theweirdwideweb]

Can we have more film club updates? That was amazing and I’m proud of you!!!!

Well you remember how my friend was also at film club? She and I hung out on Christmas Day. We went to my sister's house for lunch. We played with my niece, nephew, and mother in a tent and then went to Nosferatu. My friend has been closer to the film club asshat than I have and asked if I wanted to see his text to her about The Incident, but warned me it was bad. Since nothing he said to my face about mental illness upset me because duh, not a shred of truth to it--- actually what he said about me in the text upset me. He tried to convince my friend that I was venting narcissistic rage at him the entire 45 minutes before he ran his mouth off and I stormed out. He said I am, in fact, a toxic narcissist who is in active addiction, not recovery, and I'm trying to lure my friend into a codependent relationship. It got to me. Such a reality warping piece of gaslighting. I had therapy today and talked about it. It triggered a lot of trauma. The doctor and I talked about how my mother would mercilessly abuse me as a child and then when I was angry or upset she'd accuse me of bullying and abusing her. We also talked about how the man I was in love with all my 20s would come sleep in my bed 3 nights a week, hold me, give me shoulder massages, fuck me and then act like I should just know better when I wanted to be his girl. For 8 years he led me on that way and then beat the shit out of me. I talked with the doctor about how in my early 20s in the recession when the unemployment rate for my demographic was over 50% I had a small job filling bottles with supplements for $9/hr and how the gagillionaire CEO dressed me down within 30 seconds of meeting me: told me I was fat, depressed, and obviously hadn't gotten laid recently. When I said that wasn't true he said, "Well it wasn't as good as you wanted it to be, was it?" We talked about how I was minding my business on the train home from work just after Christmas 2019 when a completely random woman pepper sprayed me in the face and just stepped off the train. I possess a deep fear that somehow I am marked out for cruelty. Greg, the film club asshat, tipped his hand by calling me a narcissist. He's a narcissist. He's the one who doesn't give a damn about people and tries to warp reality so he appears a victim. Even though I knew it wasn't true when I got home from Nosferatu I was taking internet tests to see if I have empathy, signs you're a narcissist, googling "what is active addiction." Am I hurting people and I don't realize it? When I think people think I'm smart and funny am I just being completely delusional? Am I making a fool of myself? No, I'm not any of those things. But it hurt me because I just have this sense that there's something wrong with me. Something that repulses people, makes them hate me. Even strangers can pick me out of a crowd. Is it because I'm ugly? Is it because I move my body strange? Is it because they read neurodivergence on me? It feels like my fault. I've always felt that way. Like if I could just fix myself and be good enough that I could stop the abuse and have friends and hobbies and a safe place for myself. I've never been safe in my whole life and it gets to me. It's like how I feel trapped by mental illness. I try as hard as I can and it will never leave me. It's as if I'm in an abusive relationship with life itself. I was marked out at birth by my abusive parents and biology. I can take comfort that I'm a better person than all these abusers---but I still lose. I lost that job filling bottles. I lost the love of my youth. Now I lost the film club, too, something which I felt proud of. I said, "See? I can go out into the city and find friends. When I talk to people they see I'm smart and funny and they like me."

[espinosaurusrexex]

If Given the Chance… (1)

BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader | SteveRogers x Female!Reader (ugh I don’t know it’s messy)

summary: After an accident on a mission, Bucky and Steve find themselves in the body of the other and both soon begin to act like it too. But while Bucky tries to fix the problem, Steve takes his opportunity to taste his deepest desires, falling into a role he’d never thought he’d get to play: your boyfriend. 

a/n: remember this ask? yeah... it took a completely different turn

word count: 3.4k

warnings: a confused and hopeless Stevie, pining, agony, angst, betrayal, fluff, a little heated, this borders dub-con but then again not really, still - !MINORS DNI!

･ﾟ✫* 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 | 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐎𝟑 ✧*･ﾟ

(please excuse my horrid Photoshop skills, but no GIF combination could match my vision...)

Change. What was it really? Bucky never thought people truly changed. That deep in their hearts they’d always be the same. And yet, he felt as though he had been part of three different personas so far. He’d always wondered what it must be like to just switch bodies with someone. To represent something different - a contrast to what the body was used to. 

He didn’t need to wonder anymore. Because he’d experienced it. The person he had been before Hydra was not the same as the winter soldier. And neither was the person he was today - different from both of his prior states. And even though he had lived through it, change, he was here, wondering what it must be like.

He’d read a poem once. A sad, hopeless one. But at the end, it said to read it again - from the bottom up, and its meaning shifted entirely. Transformed from a depressing mood into an optimistic one. Changed, just like that.

So, Bucky wasn’t quite sure whether he had experienced that kind of change before. He’d changed looks, and people told him his heart had not shifted one bit. He’d changed occupations, and he’d not felt as though his values had stayed the same. He had contradicted everything he’d ever imagined change to be. Even though he never really knew what it was. 

But now? Now he had proper change. A good one? He wasn’t sure. Not terrible, that was for certain. But definitely one he needed to reverse. 

Steve’s eyes stared back at him through the shiny surface of the window. Confusion etched in his brow he’d never seen on his best friend before. The blonde hair disheveled, eyes more exhausted-looking than they usually did, he pushed a deep breath out of his lunges. 

What a mess.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m good. What about you?”

“I’m okay, I’m just-“

“What? What is it?”

“You.”

“Huh?”

“I’m... you.”

What a fucking mess. 

So Steve was Bucky and Bucky was Steve. But at the same time, they were still themselves, just somehow stuck in the other’s body. It had been four hours since the incident and Bucky was still panicking. He felt the responsibility for the “team” weighing his body down - the body that wasn’t his, but most definitely the reason for his distress. They were about to arrive in the next thirty minutes and no one at the compound knew what had happened. No one. Not Tony, not Bruce, not you. 

Oh god, you didn’t know your boyfriend was trapped in his best friend’s body. Bucky didn’t even know how he would start to explain it. You were very understanding and patient, but Bucky feared that this might introduce a new sphere of problems neither of you had encountered before.

The two friends hadn’t talked about it. Steve and Bucky both knew it was a problem that needed solving, but Steve had been awfully quiet ever since they boarded the Quinjet home. It certainly didn’t help Bucky relax. At least it was late in the night. The chances of encountering another Avenger when they would get back were small and left him a few hours of dealing with it all - maybe sleep it off. 

Who was he kidding?

Bucky wouldn’t be sleeping. He would stay up, wait until it was a reasonable enough hour to drag Bruce to his lab and get him started on fixing the problem not even he knew the actual cause of.

Running, hiding, finding a weird machine, toppling over a storage rack, and the accidental push of a button. An explosion, heat, but no pain - just utter confusion. 

Bucky shook his head as he took a seat beside Steve in the cockpit. Not even he would believe himself if he were told this story...

❁ ❁ ❁

Steve hadn’t planned for this to happen. He just wanted to explain things to you, tell you what had occurred on the mission - even though he didn’t quite know himself - and then find Bucky. For a second, he had even forgotten. He had forgotten that, in a way, he was Bucky. And that you wouldn’t know until he told you that he was Steve. Steve, your boyfriend’s best friend who had been in love with you from the day he met you. 

Yeah... that was an issue. Bucky didn’t know and neither did you. God behold, Steve got in the way of his oldest friend’s happiness. He would never do that. Especially not when that friend had suffered for so long. So, Steve had just kept to himself, watching as Bucky was the one holding you during movie nights, sleeping in your bed, and kissing you goodbye. 

It hurt. But Steve had gotten used to the familiar sting in his chest whenever he witnessed his best friend’s hands on you or when your adoring smile was sent his way. He swallowed the pain like it was nothing, and it got easier every time. He still needed to remind himself though: You can’t, Steve. You don’t want to, Steve. 

But now... now might have been the only opportunity to get away with it. No. He would never. He couldn’t.

“Bucky!” Your door opened and Steve felt your hands around his neck, pulling him down to meet your lips. Wow.

Steve’s body was on fire. The stinging he usually felt in his chest now spreading through his entire body, creating goosebumps on his skin. It felt so different, so good. 

Overwhelmed by the feeling, he stumbled forward, guiding you back by your hips and shutting the door with his foot. 

Endless nights imagining what your pillowy lips would feel like on his seemed silly now that he tasted you. His mind had never even come close. You were so much softer, so much warmer... so much more rewarding than anything his imagination could cook up. 

Steve was addicted now, there was no going back. You were like a drug that tied him to your supply forever. 

His hands began to roam your body, moving your hair, smelling your scent, feeling every bump and curve of your body as he got lost in your embrace. It was too easy to forget it wasn’t him you were kissing. Steve was just as tall as your Boyfriend, he was just as strong - every movement, every look - it felt the same.

Hungrily, Steve’s wet kisses wandered down your neck until he reached the spot that drew a grasp from your lips and it made his pants feel tighter. 

“What’s this about,” you chuckled as your palm gently pressed against his chest. Steve reluctantly loosened his grip around you just to see that shining smile of yours beaming up at him. Holy shit. This must be what heaven feels like.

“I just missed you-” his answer got swallowed in the crook of your neck again, Steve’s cheek settling to your skin when he mumbled the last part beneath your ear. “...a lot.”

You didn’t even know how much. And as you chuckled and ran your hands down his back, Steve wondered if he could even call it missing when he never really had you in the first place. But then you kissed his shoulder and Steve decided that he didn’t care. Your lips just felt a little too good not to miss in any circumstance - whatever it meant now - and he had lost you to his best friend somehow, so he was allowed to miss. 

“Missed you too.” Steve smiled and began to pick up his kissing when he felt your lips press to his shoulder a second time. 

It was strange how natural this interaction felt for Steve. He didn't know if that was because he had imagined it a hundred times, dreamt about you more nights than he liked to admit - each time waking with an ache in more places than one and the added incapability to stop it. Steve had not had a girlfriend since he met you. He tried a few hookups, each one with the picture of you in his head, the actual person beneath him serving merely the purpose of physical touch, but it wasn’t enough. Especially now that he knew what it could feel like - kissing you alone - nothing could ever compare.

Lost in his thoughts, his hands wandered down your body, squeezing parts of you he’d only ever imagined touching, and every breathy moan he pulled from you became a tiny celebration in his mind.

Your hands held on tight to his neck when his knee found its way between your legs, your head falling back, giving him just that much more ground to place his soft attacks. He growled against your skin when your sounds grew high pitched, unbelievable gratification consuming his body - driving him further. 

This was perfect, this was all he ever wanted this- “Ah, Bucky!” This was wrong. 

And Steve was reminded of what he was doing right now. His hands retracted immediately, but you clung to his neck like glue. “Please,” you whimpered and his head fell back into you like an instinct, the urge to bring you pleasure too strong to stop his movements entirely. 

But, fuck, he was an awful person. 

With trembling hands and a stinging in his chest, he stepped back from you. Your eyes stared at him in confusion, desperate for anything - pleasure, closure. And Steve wanted to give it all to you. But he wasn’t allowed to. He was Steve - your boyfriend’s best friend. A terrible one, too. 

“I’m... I’m so sorry,” he stuttered through the glossy shimmer forming in his eyes. 

“What?” Shit. Steve turned before you could see the first tear fall from his eyes. He couldn’t bear seeing your face any longer - that beautiful, innocent face with so much irritation and sadness poisoning its features. You didn't deserve this, you didn’t deserve to be pulled into this mess by him. It was wrong, so fucking wrong.

Steve sped towards the lab immediately, barely missing Bucky on his way out of the glass doors. But Bucky merely sent a nod his way, leaving Bruce to greet him with an exhausted smile. 

“You need to do something. Now.”

❁ ❁ ❁

“Hey.”

“Oh, hey.”

Bucky turned around to see you standing in the doorway, a big smile instantly settling on his face. You looked beautiful, he thought every time he saw you - especially after a mission that lasted for several days in which he did not get to see you. 

His fingers itched to reach out to you, pull you into him and just kiss your pretty face, but once he caught his left arm lifting, and missing the sleek black gleam he was so used to, Bucky was reminded that he needed to behave differently now. 

He hadn’t told you about the accident yet. Bruce seemed to know what he was doing, so Bucky was just hopeful the issue would be resolved soon. Until then, he needed to cope with the constant panic surging through him at his and Steve’s states. 

The desk chair squeaked when he tuned to you, watching as you roamed about Steve’s office and eyed the sketch he had framed on the cupboard. That’s when he noticed your posture - how your shoulders were slightly hunched, your head a little lower than usual, and a faint frown hiding behind the hairs falling into your face. 

“What’s wrong, doll?” He stood up wanting to approach you but remembering his place again. Now he was just standing there, helpless and unsure of what to do as he watched you toy with the edges of the notebook laying in front of you. 

You sighed. “Bucky is being weird... I hope he’s okay but he wouldn’t talk to me.” You glanced at him shortly and the corners of your mouth jerked downward. “I thought maybe... I don’t know, maybe you know what’s going on.” You stared at him hopefully. “Did something happen on the mission?”

I’m right here, baby. And I would be so much better if I could tell you.

Bucky willed his thoughts silent, finally stepping forward and placing his hand on your shoulder.

“It was a long mission, give him some time to rest...” God, he hated lying to you. But it was for the best. He didn’t want you to worry any more than you already did, as much as it hurt to see you this clueless. 

Bucky could only imagine how exhausting this whole ordeal was for Steve. He was going through the same thing, but Steve had to juggle you - or as it seemed, ignore you - on top of it. The friends still hadn’t talked about what to do. There had just seemed to be a common understanding settled between them, and that was to keep as many people out of this as possible. 

Still, Bucky wondered how his best friend was doing. This was an unusual situation, and he cared for him just as much as he did for you. 

“Maybe you’re right.” You turned to him with a saddened face. “But I can’t help but feel like there is something else bothering him. I just want him to be okay...”

“We both do, doll.” Bucky couldn’t help it, he pulled you into his chest by your wrist - hoping it would be less intimate than by your waist like he always did - and tugged your head beneath his chin. 

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding once your body molded against his, the familiar feeling of content mixing with the underlying tension he had been plagued with since the mission. That was what he had needed. To feel you again, touch you, have your arms hug him to your body, and be entranced by your perfume again. 

It was hard not to kiss your hair, or inhale your shampoo too obviously when he held you like this. It was what he always did when he was Bucky - but now he was Steve. And Bucky never imagined he could hate being Steve so much. 

He shook the thought immediately, focusing on you and squeezing you tight one more time before he let you go. He missed your touch the second you retracted your arms, sending a weak smile up to him. Oh, how he’d love to kiss that frown away, to touch you until he heard that beautiful laugh of yours again. But he couldn’t do it, he was not allowed to - he was Steve.

“Thank you, Steve.”

“Anytime.” He smiled reluctantly as he watched you leave with mixed feelings. 

Bucky didn’t know how much longer he could endure this.

❁ ❁ ❁

“Thank fucking God!” Bucky exclaimed as he padded down his body - his own body. 

It had been two weeks. Two weeks of constant worry and agony, lonely nights, and the pressure of keeping this ridiculous secret. But Bruce had finally done it. Bucky didn’t know how - and it wasn’t super important to him either - but he was glad he finally had his own body back. 

“You did it!” Steve stated with mild enthusiasm. He wasn’t sure if it made any difference anymore. He didn’t hate himself less for what had happened. But at least, now, he didn’t need to worry about making the mistake again. 

Bruce just responded with a proud shrug, a blush almost forming on his cheeks before his smile fell again. 

That’s when you entered the lab with a pile of manila folders in your hand. 

“What’s going on in here?” You asked, excited to experience a light atmosphere in a room both Steve and Bucky were in. It had been different for a couple weeks now, and Bucky was still acting weird, but something told you, he was getting better. Well, maybe the laugh you had heard from the hallways had, but now he was just staring at you as Bruce did. 

“What? Am I interrupting something? I just wanted to give you these files, Banner, I-” you trailed off when your eyes wandered from the men to the desk you had halted next to, a wild array of papers and opened digital files littering the work area as you placed your addition there as well. 

You had always been a fast reader - a talent that came in handy more times than one would think - so your eyes scanned the documents in haste, collecting keywords and notes until they landed on a particularly concise one: Possible body switch triggers. What the hell? Super Soldiers. Consciousness. Machine. Serum. Third vessel for transfer. What the hell what the hell what the hell?!

You looked up, willing the confusion to the back of your mind as you pierced Bruce with a cold stare. “A body switch project? Really, Bruce? It’s not like we’re already down one person since Peter decided to test out his new jet-pack prototype.”

Bruce didn’t say anything. Instead, Bucky stepped forward with a reasoning tone. “Baby-“

“And you.” Your finger pointed at him. “I thought you were smarter. First, you’re acting all weird, and now you’re calling me ‘baby’ again,” you stated plainly, crossing your arms. Steve swallowed thickly, watching the interaction between you and Bucky play out with his lip between his teeth. “What- is this why you were behaving so weird? Are you in on this? Are you seriously participating as a lab rat?”

“I... we...” Bucky frantically searched the room for his teammates’ support, trailing off when everyone avoided his eyes. Traitors.

“Who is switching bodies? And why couldn’t you tell me?” The room had gotten silent, but you weren’t about to back down. You wanted answers, especially when the people you cared about did stupid things that risked their lives more than their job already did. You scanned each of them carefully, assessing which one was to break first under your solid stare. Steve was wringing his hands, his eyes trained on the ground - nervous, maybe, scared. 

Bruce was sweating bullets. He hated being in fussy situations, always tense to keep the big guy down. He would speak first - de-escalation was his second nature… well, apart from the escalating one.

Bucky had his jaw wired shut, a frequent side eye assessing the state of his fellow coworkers carefully. Nobody wanted to break it to you. Especially since they had hidden the switch from you for two weeks. You weren’t big on betrayal and everyone knew it.

“They-“ Bruce started but was shut up by Bucky’s death stare quickly. How dare he do him so dirty?

“You were saying?” You zeroed in on the scientist, a hopeful yet clueless look on your face, but Bruce was too scared of Bucky to continue. He hated lying to you, everyone did.

But you wouldn’t budge, staring him down, challenging him to break the silence. What was so bad about something that hadn’t even happened yet?

But then a deep voice sounded from the other corner of the room. “Bucky and I did.” Less steady than usual and still avoiding your eyes, Steve let his hands fall to his sides. “On accident...”

And Bucky sighed, half relieved, half angry at his friend. 

“What? When?”

“On the last mission,” Bruce chimed in, just to earn another stink eye from Bucky.

“The last mission two weeks ago? Two Weeks?!”

“I wanted to tell you, okay? But we thought it was best if we kept it a secret... for everyone’s sake.” The brunette super soldier stepped forward, his hands showing surrender when he moved into your personal space.

“And you didn’t think to include me? Your girlfriend?” You looked at him appalled. Why the hell did he not say anything? Would you have ever known had you not walked in on- 

“I'm sorry.” Your breath hitched when Bucky pulled you into his arms, placing a firm kiss on your head before burying his face in your neck again. 

Because that was when you realized - when you remembered - the last time it had happened. 

Steve finally dared to look up at the couple in front of him only to find you staring at him over his best friend’s shoulder. 

You knew. 

Steve could see it in your eyes - that look you were giving him made him shudder. There was slight confusion in your stare, a little sadness, too. You knew, but Steve knew you wouldn’t lose a word over it. 

He tore his longing stare from you and looked down bashfully, ticking his jaw before he could say or do anything stupid. That’s when he felt the sorrow covering his senses again, the hurtful pull on his heart that he had become so used to at the sight of you in Bucky’s arms. 

He’s had you once, got to taste you once - and it was one time too many, he reminded himself.

And even though it hurt, he found comfort in the familiarity the feeling held.

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[once-upon-an-animation]

Alright PJO fandom. Let’s clear the air on something real quick.

So if you’ve watched the PJO premiere, I’m sure one of the major changes you noticed was Gabe, and how toned down his behavior is compared to the books. There is also a clear change in the dynamic between Gabe and Sally, with Sally being more assertive and snarky with him.

The fandom seems pretty split on this change. Some people hate it and feel that a dark yet important aspect of the narrative has been lost, some people are neutral about it and are wondering if the whole Poker Player Statue bit is getting removed, and some people welcome this change, saying that Sally is more cool, strong, and badass now, and that showing a woman staying in abusive relationship in hopes of protecting her kid is not okay for current audiences.

To the people who are saying that Sally is more cool, badass, and strong now…

…FUCK YOU.

And here’s why.

I cannot even begin to describe how awful and disgusting it is to imply that book-Sally was weaker, less cool, and less strong because she struggled to stand up to her abuser, struggled to balance the need to leave an abusive relationship and the desire to protect her kid, and found herself making difficult choices in an abusive household. I am baffled that people think that this is an okay thing to say in the year of 2023, going on to 2024.

Are all of you shitting me right now? Are you seriously fixing your fingers to imply that book-Sally is inferior to show-Sally because her story reflects an ugly truth about how hard it is for mothers to stand up to their abusers while trying to look out for their children? Are you all fucking joking?

I have never felt so angry to see so many people diminish what book-Sally went through, and claim that it would be bad to depict something like that on TV. I know what Sally goes through is triggering and not fun to watch, but it is the very fact that her story reflects an ugly truth about what many wives go through that I think her struggle with an abusive husband is so fucking important!

Yes, we don’t want to encourage victims to stay in abusive relationships. Yes, we don’t want to make women feel like the only way to be a good, loving mother is to endure bad situations for your kids. Yes, we want to make it clear to mothers that they, under no circumstances, are obligated to endure an abuser. HOWEVER, the ugly and unfortunate reality is that many mothers have such a strong desire to protect their kids that they will find themselves making this unfortunate choice, and that is not a truth we should shy away from. A depiction of difficult choices that victims feel like they have to make is not necessarily an endorsement of that choice, but rather, a realistic reflection of what people go through.

And I will be DAMNED if I sit here quietly and watch so many of you tread into victim-blamey territory, or imply that book-Sally is somehow inferior because she struggled with the courage to leave and accept the risk of Percy not having Gabe’s protective smell. I literally saw a comment on Reddit where someone was trying to defend the change, and they typed out the sentence “You know what’s not badass? Staying in an abusive relationship.”

As if most abuse victims have the full freedom, resources, and support to just pick up and leave whenever. As if every choice that an abuse victim makes isn’t being made in the context of danger, pressure, stress, anxiety, depression, fatigue, and so much more. As if an abused woman’s top priority should be to look “badass” instead of trying to take care of herself.

I am a proud Book-Sally defender, and I will happily fight anyone who dares to imply she isn’t as strong or badass as show-Sally because standing up to her abuser wasn’t easy for her. I am extremely disappointed in this fandom for this ugly language regarding book-Sally in comparison to show-Sally.

And quite frankly? All of you can kiss my ass.

[weirdwildwonderland]

fix it for THAT relationship in s4

lets say that Five and Lila do get lost again. For seven years. But they never get together. If anything, they get even more disgusted with each other for the first three years. But then something switches in both of them. They both realize that each of them is the only connection to their family that they have left. One day Lila starts crying about how she misses her kids and Five asks “what about Diego?” And they talk about her marriage and everything else and lila cries onto his shoulder and Five is like “ew you got your snot on me” and lila is like “youre my brother in law, wipe it up, damn it”. And eventually they come to Five’s issues too. How he's been feeling depressed and bored all this time working a job that he doesn't care about, and it makes Lila soften up around him, at least a little bit. They still find the strawberry timeline, but by that point, Five is remembering the original apocalypse and waking up in cold sweats every night and Lila is talking every day about the sick feeling in her stomach she gets because she misses Diego and the twins and grace so much. She finds a bracelet in the strawberry timeline. It’s made out of beautiful metal and it has tiny flowers on it. She takes it because Grace loves picking flowers and it reminds her of her family. Five and Lila return after 7 years together and there’s a lot of crying on Lila’s part and it’s still weird for her to see Diego after all this time. Somehow it gets into her mind that she’s been a horrible partner and that he doesnt want her anymore. So she’s still sort of distant with him and it feels weird. He sees the bracelet on her wrist and a look passes between her and Five. He asks “did you screw my wife thing” and it all comes out. Lila starts hysterically crying and the tension breaks and Diego is like “FIVE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON” and Five yells back “YOU MUST REALLY THINK I’M FUCKING STUPID HUH?” And Diego is like “what’s that supposed to mean”. And five is like “you think I have no morals at all, dumbass? We were lost for seven years in a subway station. Besides, Lila is weird. And I’m sick of her.” Lila explains the significance of the bracelet and how they never stopped looking, even when they were running from criminals or being shot at at, and Diego says something like “I’m sorry that I thought you guys were…doing that” and Five rolls his eyes but says something like “don’t worry about it, just glad to be back” and Lila nods and there are still tears running down her face and says “I missed you guys. So much.” And kisses Diego and hugs her kids. Boom. End scene.