#five out of fifteen

[samualcheese]

(NINE AND TEN ARE OUTDATED) its ironic on how i hate actual math irl

Been wanting to do a lineup of my designs for a while... all designs here are subject to change by the way (specially one...i struggle a little with her)

[404-art-found]

I know you're feening for uncertainty, but I'm not scared!

[actuallykatz]

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 13

PREVIOUS

“I can’t believe you would go out on Black Friday to grocery shop but I guess thanks for going out on Black Friday to grocery shop.” Aaron greets him with as FF moves over to the table.

Andrew and Captain Neil had apparently went out shopping.

Andrew and Captain Neil had apparently come back and have been in Andrew’s room for the past couple hours.

“Josten probably wanted to go to Excites for some gear. I don’t know what my brother sees in that Exy-obsessed jerk.” Aaron says as he eats his own smiley eggs and bacon. FF hears the sound of a hammer and a drill from Andrew’s room.

Heart in his throat he forces himself not to think about what Andrew and Captain Neil COULD be building.

(A guillotine, an iron maiden, that weird wedge thing that splits people in half at the groin, He should NOT have taken that Spanish history class. Oh god it’s probably a fence so he can’t escape whatever hunting ground Andrew is going to drag him to if he can’t buy his continued existence via baked good.)

“Shut up, they’re actually really sweet to one another.” Nicky chastises before turning to FF, “Because of that your final serving goes to Smithy. He deserves it more than you.” Nicky says and slides the final plate of eggs and bacon.

“He’s just as bothered by it as I am!” Aaron scowls.

“By what?” FF asks because there are a lot of things that bother him so Aaron is going to have to be more specific.

“By those two being all close. I’ve seen the way you turn and walk away.” Aaron reaches across the table for his bacon but FF just pushes the plate closer to him. The two plates he had already eaten were more than enough, especially after the full dinner that they’d had the night before. “You’re grossed out by it too right?” He asks as he goes to stab the bacon.

FF slides the plate away and Aaron stabs the table.

FF is NOT HOMOPHOBIC.

His gran raised him better than that.

“I don’t agree with you.” He says because he doesn’t but can’t bring himself to say anymore. He’s in Aaron’s house, he stole Aaron’s keys that morning to lock up the house.

(it was so rude but what if someone broke in because he left the house unlocked? What if someone got hurt just because he wanted to ensure his own survival? Isn’t it better that he just borrowed Aaron’s keys to make sure that no one in the house got hurt? Does FF still believe with every fiber of his being that Andrew Minyard is trying to murder him in this exact house? Yes. Can these concerns coexist peacefully? Also yes.)

If anything he finds Captain Neil and Andrew to be an incredibly nice couple. They talk about things together, they make plans about their future, their PDA was actually pretty minimal (especially in comparison to Aaron), and he had figured out the weird code Andrew talked in so he was pretty sure that Andrew and Neil loved one another.

The only issue he has with the couple is that they are out at a store probably buying supplies to torture and then kill FF.

Otherwise they were perfectly fine.

Aaron scowls, “You can’t be serious. You walk away faster than you run on the court when you see the two of them getting all gross.” He points with his fork and tries to grab the bacon again.

FF frowns deeper.

“I walk away even faster from you and your girlfriend.” He returns because Aaron and Katelyn are the couple who have been the MOST guilty of initiating something in front of him when he was in ‘Visible only when the sunlight strikes him at the exact right angle on the summer solstice’ mode.

 He had tried to clear his throat to get them to quit quite a few times but…well…he has heard Katelyn mention that one of her and Aaron’s favorite ‘hang out’ spots might be haunted….so he hadn’t been overly successful.

“PDA makes me uncomfortable in general. Captain Neil and Andrew are a very nice couple who you shouldn’t talk bad about.” He defends as one of the only people who would know exactly how thoughtful the two were to one another.

He hopes his Gran is proud of him for saying something.

Aaron looks at him with a twisted mouth for a while before relenting, “Fine they’re not that bad. It’s just a big brother thing.” Aaron rolls his eyes.

FF swallows down some acid in his throat and pushes the smiling eggs and bacon over to Aaron who smiles back at the breakfast and proceeds to eat it.

A big brother thing.

FF gets up and heads over to the final bag that Andrew had left out on the counter. FF had bought some additional offerings for his mortal soul to tide Andrew over while he made the brownies. It’s also where the incense and his latest two five hour energies should still be.

He finds the incense, wonders if he hallucinated the five hour energies (very possible), and hands Nicky a box of sour patch kids to distract him when he comes over.

“Smithy, why the hell are you lighting incense?” Nicky asks because the sour patch kids were NEVER going to be enough to distract Nicky. That would take something on the level of Swedish Fish but he’d been more focused on avoiding the candy thrown by an irate woman towards a member of Target staff because the grocery department couldn’t get her the redemption coupon for one of the flat screens in the Electronic department so he had FAILED to procure them. He’d even seen a box sail through the air is bullet time because his brain was too hopped up on Five Hour Energy but he’d let it go believing he could just grab a box at check out. THEN HE ZONED OUT IN THE CHECK OUT LINE AS HE STARED AT BOTH THE FUTURE AND THE PAST AND FORGOT HE WAS IN THE PRESENT WHERE HE HADN’T GOTTEN THE DAMN SWEDISH FISH.

“I’m going to make my Great Grandma’s brownies.” He says in response, “I’m hoping to channel her so I don’t mess up.” He says.

“Oh! More grandma baking goodies?! I can be your assistant baker! What do you need?” Nicky says visibly vibrating with excitement at the prospect. “We can listen to Mariah and I can lick the spoon!”

There is a noise of revulsion from the kitchen table.

“Don’t let him lick the spoon Smiths! He gets WEIRD about it.”

“That sounds like what someone who wants to lick the spoon would say.”

“Oh shut up!”

“That’s not a NO!”

The cousins continue to argue about spoon licking rights as FF gets started checking to make sure that the kitchen has all the necessary equipment to even make his brownies. He’d been so tired (last night? This morning?) that he hadn’t thought about even checking that the cousins would have things like a glass bowl, an baking dish, pie tin, etc.

Thankfully FOR ONCE luck is on his side and FF does not have to walk back to the Target.

So he finishes pulling out everything he’ll need, getting the oven pre-heated, and pulling out the ingredients for the brownies from the fridge.

He lights some incense with the stove top burners sends a quick prayer up and wonders if maybe a ouija board would have been better but if the Home Goods section had been a dangerous spot then the toy section would have been like walking into an active war zone. There are no laws as far as parents are concerned when it comes to getting the ‘it’ toy for their kids. FF has watched the highs and lows of humanity in the Barbie aisle more than once.

So he melts chocolate, he sifts flour and sugar, he separates eggs, and he uses every muscle that Kevin’s insane work out regiment had given his arms to whip those egg whites into stiff peaks. He knows his great gran is with him when Nicky and Aaron continue to argue (they are now talking about the ethics of licking the spoon vs. licking the bowl? He doesn’t quite get how they got there but alright) so Nicky doesn’t hear him say “Stiff Peaks Acquired” to himself because he knows Nicky well enough to know that he would have NEVER heard the end of it.

He uses all of the delicacy his gran had ever tried to teach him to fold those egg whites into the chocolate and then to fold in the flour and sugar. There are more steps, more ingredients, but unless you are family then those are CLASSIFIED.

Great Gran had always been the suspicious sort.

The oven beeps to let him know it’s done pre-heating as he’s carefully transferring his great gran’s life’s work into the baking dish.

He was so focused that he hadn’t even realized that Andrew was back until he turned to do the dishes and found Andrew holding the bowl and running his fingers through the scant remaining mix and shoving it into his mouth.

He is surprise that the scream remains in his head. He’s even more surprised that he stays upright. Maybe the nap did him some good even if it let Andrew and Captain Neil build whatever torture device they were intending to use on him.

He really needs to drink some pepto. He doesn’t think that Andrew will pause their ‘The Most Dangerous Game’ recreation to let FF manage his ulcers. Andrew is staring straight at him.

Andrew offers him the spoon.

FF declines. Raw eggs, sugar, and chocolate? With THIS stomach? He’d almost prefer to be chased through whatever enclosure Andrew is going to drag him to.

“When did you wake up?” Andrew asks.

“Hour ago.” He answers.

“Hm.”

“I’ll make the pie tomorrow.” he ventures trying to extend his life by another day.

Andrew shoves the spoon into his own mouth after that and walks out into the dining room. FF hears both Aaron and Nicky’s cries of anguish.

FF looks at the brownies in the oven at the incense burning on the counter and wonders if that was Andrew’s way of confirming his stay of execution.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524​ @blue-jos10​ @stabbyfoxandrew​ @splishsplashyouropinionistrash​ @sammichly​ @the-broken-pen​ @bitchesdoweknowu​ @very-small-flower​ @ghostlyboiii​ @its-a-paxycab​ @bisexual-genderfluid-fan​ @cheesecookie​ @theoneandonlylostsock​ @foxsoulcourt​ @blueleys @adverbialstarlight​ @elia-nna​ @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner​ @nikodiangel​ @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat​ @hallucinatedjosten​ @satanic-foxhole-court​ @vexingcosmos​ @chalilodimun​ @insectsgetcooked​ @angry-kid-with-no-money​ @queer-crows​ @lilyndra @themugglemudperson​ @readertodeath​ @apileofpillows​ @mortalsbowbeforeme​ @hellomynameismoo​ @next-level-mess @youreonlylow​ @interstellarfig​

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t  get a notification there might be something switched around in your  settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

[kyoukamybeloved]

on dazai and chuuya (part 3):

part 1 part 2

(also please reblog if you saw this in the search bar/tags cause I was shadow banned so I want to know if that issue is resolved or not)

edit: thanks to those who said they saw it in the tags, im out of tumblr jail yippee

[bumblingbabooshka]

St Voyager Memes: Tuvok sitting in the corner of the mess hall always reading and always alone is so y/n of him

[arctic-hands]

For real tho health freaks who scream about how sugar and salt will kill us all and try to push for restrictions on things like candy and chips for SNAP recipients or politicians who try from time to time to replace food stamps all together and give out Government Approved Staples like bread and peanut butter and Government Cheese are gonna kill a whole lotta sick and disabled people like

Diabetics

POTS sufferers

Hypotensives

People with peanut allergies

People with celiac disease or wheat allergies

The lactose intolerant

People who can't eat solid food

People who are undernourished for any reason and need all the calories they can pack on

So-called "picky eaters" who can't tolerate certain tastes and textures without getting violently ill

A myriad of other human conditions that cannot be neatly tallied into categories because the human body and human experience is vast and infinitely variable

But I don't think ableds really care about us and our health like they like to claim so they can harass us about it, do you?

[mybraindumpsterfire]

The time has come for Dan and I to fight to the death to win Princess Philip’s hand and I don’t care that Dan’s a feral watch dog, I WILL WIN TO BE ABLE TO HOLD HANDS WITH BEAUTIFUL BABYGIRL PHIL😡

[kamari2038]

Now that I've *mostly* cleared my head, A FEW THOUGHTS:

(1) Hank is really frickin’ passionate about the deviant cause. When Connor LETS HIM DIE to try and save the deviants, he’s mildly pissed but they’re still friends. But when my man is just DOING HIS JOB AND TRYING TO SAVE HUMANITY, Hank is not only aggressive, but so hostile that Connor can BEG FOR HIS LIFE, try to reason with him, point out the irony of believing all androids are alive yet still denying Connor’s personhood, but if Connor doesn’t have the heart to murder Hank first, then Hank will DANGLE AND THEN DROP HIM OFF THE EDGE OF A BUILDING EVEN IF HE LITERALLY SAVED HANK’S LIFE MULTIPLE TIMES EARLIER IN THE GAME (which is that much more traumatizing for my head canon of this Connor, which is that it took him an unusually long time to die after falling from the rooftop in hostage)

(2) Hank must fully expect that Connor is secretly a deviant and send him to Jericho with the full expectation that Connor will join the deviants, because otherwise this scene makes no dang sense.

Y’all, I still love Hank, but I am PISSED OFF about this. Just a reminder that he’s still only human and kind of messed up, I guess. Clancy Brown scares the SHIT out of me now. That look of helplessness and betrayal on Connor's face as he's held on by his coat above the ledge will haunt me forever.

[figofswords]

anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already

[monkee-mobile]

i feel like i can’t put into words how sweet it is when the monkees all cling to Mike when they’re in a scary situation (especially davy, that kid is all bark no bite, second something’s after him he’s running to his mumma aka. Michael the goddamn string bean in a wool hat, who just gives the most exasperated face ever to the camera and waves around like grass in the wind because his skinny body can’t handle the power of a 5’3” british boy grabbing his arms)

but like, mike makes them all feel safe and it’s just so damn sweet. like, the show didn’t have to do that, but they did. they just decided that these kids need a mother and that mother is fucking mike.

i’m sorry, i just have so many feelings about it. You know peter’s like glued to his side, especially after the devil and peter tork. Mike protects them, it’s his nature, and they all feel safe with him. AGH

[thatoneluckybee]

hey hey hey this is random but the funniest two things just happened in order

guess who just had an app downloaded on her phone for some reason by a parent

guess who also just learned there’s an app that turns your watch into essentially a light Human Shock Collar

[luvisia]

alice and paul are a direct parallel to anna lee and ethan and on a lesser scale billy and tiffany. in this essay i will

[actuallykatz]

back at it again with the numbers

[fishystew]

arthur morgan <3

[tempest-toss]

Spooky guest, you deserve a plushie!

'Maybe blue means good?' Quill reasoned as they stepped for the door in the middle and grasped the handle, which felt cool to the touch. It turned with a creak, allowing them to enter.

The inside was quite quaint, reminiscent of a Victorian-Era sitting room. Along the walls were many picture frames, albeit many were lacking photos inside. A fire place was along the far wall, the flames an eerie blue as above it rest a large painting of a handsome gentleman, posing dramatically with a rose losing its petals in a breeze. In the middle of the room sat a tea table, with floating cups and saucers.

The light switch flicked down on its own accord, revealing a figure seated at the table. He was the same gentleman in the portrait, however he glowed an ethereal blue, floating slightly above the chair, where there would be legs a wispy tail instead took the place, like something out of Casper. The figure turned and regarded Quill with some disdain in his eyes.

"You seem lost, intentionally so. What is the purpose of your stay?" The ghost questioned. Quill went to speak but was silenced when he arose from his chair. "You musn't answer my query, for I know intimately your quest. I have been following you since you snuck into the relic room, and stole something from us. Then you went and murdered a loyal worker. You have no position to barter or plead your case, instead I shall enact a fitting punishemnt."

The spectre flew up and into Quill, disappearing. Quill felt their arms go cold, then it began to move on its own. They could do nothing as their right hand grabbed their left and harshly pulled down, emitting a loud snap from the broken bone. Quill couldn't scream. Their hand grabbed onto their leg,and with a sharp pull popped it out, causing Quill to collapse onto the ground.

"Your friend Winona was here," Quill found themselves speaking with a voice not their own. "She came in like a thief, cleaver in her steps but not enough to find the antidote." Their body turned over the nearby seat, revealing the corpse of their comrade bearing blue veins and a pale face. "And now it is time for the grand finale!" Quill felt their hands reach around their head and begin tilting. This ghost was messing with them! Quill was about to fight for a word when the hands sharply tugged, and a loud snap could be heard. Quill's body limply fell as the ghost left their body.

...

Quill awoke with a jolt, the faint pain of cracked bones emanating from their fingers, leg and neck. They sat up, panicked breathes escaping them. They had died again. A friend was dead. They barely recognized the sound of the small bridge connecting the inside balconies together. They awkwardly got up and crossed it, entering the first door they saw.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The new room was too bright for Quill. It was very kidcore in design. Pastel art and bright colors adorned the walls. Along the back were an assortment of different fabrics and materials, mostly yarn and strings of many colors. A section of the wall was covered in an assortment of buttons, and another had pinned designs of different plushies to be made.

Speaking of plushies, the entire rest of the room was nothing but them. Piled up as tall as the ceiling were several mountains of plushies. Most were typical common ones that could be found. A yellow bear here, a red snake there. There were some of the more unconventional sort, such as axolotls and pegasi, and a few that Quill had never seen before. What struck them as odd was that at the far end of the room was a simple table. A radio and a plushie lay next to it. Approaching it revealed that the plushie was of a little Winona, and the radio was hers, absent from the Tea Room where her body was.

"You are very nosy." Quill turned around, meeting the gaze of a small girl. She had dark brown way hair, accentuated by a cute bow resting atop her head. She had a complexion that seemed like she was from Argentina, and her clothing confirmed this, being in the colors of the flag. She had a smile that was sweet, but her eyes held a sinister evil.

Quill knew who this was. This was the fifth overseer. One of the more deceptive ones, as she had the appearance of a little girl, but boasted high intelligence and psychokinetic abilities. Quill was fucked.

"Let's play a game! You get a few minutes to find the key out of this room! I've hidden it in one of my plushies!" The door could be heard locking on its own, but Quill wasn't focusing on that, but rather on the searing pain in their hand. Their eyes snapped down to see a pair of scissors embedded in their hand. "Use that to find it! Your time starts now!" The lights shut off as Five's laughter echoed, with her being gone they came back on. A clock could be heard somewhere in the room, signifying the timer's start.

Quill put everything into their endeavor, slicing the stomachs of plushie after plushie, to no avail. Twenty seconds in and a chorus of giggles and laughter left the mouths of the dolls and plushes, mocking Quill's attempts. At forty seconds in the plushies began barring teeth, launching themselves at Quill, biting down on their ankles and arms. Soon the room was full of stuffing and discarded plushies; all the mountains of plushies had been pulled down, either cut open or flung about as Quill attempted to defend themself. Then they saw it: Underneath the largest pile sat a grandfather clock, ticking away. Tied to the pendulum was the key that Quill had needed. They could only sit and watch as the clock chimed, the minutes were over and fate sealed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~WARNING~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quill felt themselves be flung back to the table, where a sinister Five stood. "You lost! So now I get to play with you! First, we should remove that pesky skin of yours!" Quill was being held in place by Five's mental abilities, and could only watch as hundreds of sewing needles appeared, diving in and out of Quill's skin, picking up a little bit here and there. This process repeated in a slow, agonizing way until every inch of there skin had been pulled off.

"eww, you still have organs and stuff inside, we can't have that!" With tweaks of her hand, Five used her mind to slowly tear out Quill's liver, then pull out the tongue, popped the appendix, unravel the intestines, burst a lung, rupture the spleen, and explode the stomach, all inter-spliced with the periodic snap of the ribs.

"Hmm, maybe I want to make you into a puppet?" Five began to manipulate Quill's body, slowly creating holes in the wrists, allowing her to pull out the veins and nerves. Then she slowly tore them through the wrist and inch slowly across the arms, until enough had been gathered to form a set of "strings" holding Quill up.

"Meh, too gross." Five said after admired her work. WIth a clap the eyes of Quill squished, their teeth slammed harshly together until they cracked, and all of their toes and fingers snapped in horrible directions. Then the "strings" were cut, causing Quill's barely living body to flop to the ground, blood oozing everywhere. Five laughed along with her toys, who would crawl forward and began to eat the remains.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~WARNING OVER~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quill woke up with a jolt, pain screaming across their body. They slowly sat up, feeling the heat from the pocket watch, as if it was angry for having to bring them back to life. They looked around and saw nothing but darkness, sans a tiny campsite that had a lit fire, a crank flashlight, and a note.

"Thank you for playing with me :>. I think the house is mad at you, because it moved your body down here to the basement! I'm sure you can get out on your own :3"

Quill cranked the flashlight and peered it down in front of them, allowing them to barely make out a door and a sign that seemed to say "Exit". A faint ping form their radio also made the trek seem like the way to go!

"Help me."

A faint voice could be heard from Quill's right. A turn of the flashlight revealed a closer door. There was a strong ping as well from the radio, and someone was calling for them, maybe it was an actual living comrade! Quill needed time to think about what to do next.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death Counter: 3 Personnel Counter: 2/12 accounted for

Notes Acquired: The Cruel Toys

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~