#five of the books have been classics and one is a book of essays

[jayselegy]

I have to fly back to Colorado, and I have bought *six* new books and a pack of tarot cards. I need to stop going into bookstores

[dcxdpdabbles]

DCxDP fanfic idea:Vanishing Bookstore

Danny opens a bookstore. Initially, it was his private library, a place tp store all the books he gather from different parts of the glob and different Earths.

Mr. Lancer finally wore him down, causing Danny's love of reading to blossom at the end of his Freshman year. The teacher did so by having him come in person to speak about any kind of book as makeup work, as long as he learned how to dissect what he read and get proper reading comprehension.

Danny found that he could enjoy literature if he wasn't forced to write an essay afterward. But spending lunchtimes with his English teacher arguing about Narina's moral concepts was practically the same as the essay; it was just funnier.

It was the final push he needed to move to the next grade. By the skin of his teeth, but he did it. Mr. Lancer had been so proud of him.

That summer, Danny had been grounded for various weeks due to the ghosts attacks taking him away from his school and chores. Since he wasn't allowed to watch TV, or use the computer Danny had chosen to pick up books from Jazz's young adult fantasy shelves.

He never looked back.

Suddenly, it was like Danny could only go somewhere with something to read. He jumped genres but always fell back to fantasy, escaping into magical worlds between pages. Something about that reminded him of exploring the different worlds within the Infinate Realms, and Danny found himself addicted.

It became his entire identity. Sam was the goth girl, Tucker the tech geek, and Danny the book nerd. His friends and family quickly learned that any gift-giving event was going to lead to a long list of books Danny was waiting to get his grabby little hands on.

Even the classics Mr. Lancer once had to fight him to read were entertaining now that he understood their subtext and inferences that used to go over his head as a kid.

Jazz took him to get his library card which became Danny's most prized possession until high school graduation. Once Danny got his first part-time job- working for Sam's family company but hey if he had a rich friend who was willing to pay him to answer calls who was he to say no?- Danny started buying his own books.

He shopped at local second-hand bookstores, online websites, and chain bookstores and even ventured into the Ghost Zone to see what literature wonders they had to offer. He found that his human money had a far better exchange rate then he was expecting, making it possible to buy a lot more and at cheaper prices in the Zone.

He even found parallel words that sold the same books he was reading. Once, he saw a book he had waited two years to release at a marked-down price because that world had the book out for five years. Danny almost died of joy to find the special edition.

His room, which once had nothing by NASA, was now filled with bookshelve after bookshelve of his treasures. His parents allowed him to expand his little library in the attic once he ran out of room.

Danny had no idea what to do when his parents asked him what he planned to do once he ran out of room there. By that point, he had started to move the older ones into his Haunt in the Ghost zone, amazed that it had shifted into a Libary that rivaled the likes of Libary of Alexandria. He had so many different ones that he could organize by all ten categories of the Dewey Decimal System in his Haunt, making him wonder if he had consumed that much writing in the past four years. (He had. His parents were worried)

Ghosts had even started asking if they could visit his library, and before long, he had opened one of Ghost Zona's first Public libraries. His only charge was that if a new ghost wanted a library card, they had to donate at least three books. His collection grew and grew with each passing day.

Blob ghosts appointed themselves as Danny's librarians, carefully filing his newest additions to his growing delight. Danny now always had something new to read.

He consumed so much that a new title was bestowed onto him. Danny Phantom: Master of Knowledge.

Though that was a rather silly title if you asked Danny, he enjoyed a good read whenever he was awake. Just because he learned while reading didn't mean he was the master of it. However, he did gain a massive patchwork of knowledge that he could usually apply anywhere, making people assume he was all-knowing.

That did not solve the problem of getting too many books, and often, he found copies of the same ones added to his shelves again and again. His blob ghosts didn't think to reject copies because then ghosts couldn't visit his haunt and would be denied books.

Danny would never deny anyone books. He just had to figure out what to do with the copies and old books he was no longer interested in.

Jazz told him to try and have a yard sale of the ones he no longer wanted, and seeing as there were some series he could go without, Danny gave it a shot.

He made a surprising amount of money, but it was far from the amount he had spent to purchase them. Still, watching people get excited as they walk away with bags of books more than made up for it. After his third yard sale, Danny made up his mind.

He would attach a bookstore to his Haunt.

He wasn't sure how since his library had built itself. It seemed unwilling to add on to it that it was a slightly different business. His haunt only expanded to accommodate the library that he was building there. It took reading five rare books that Clockwork had gifted him to find what was once lost knowledge.

Haunt Manipulation.

It was risky, but Danny created the Infinite Realms Bookstore with enough concentration, some runes, a dash of overly powerful ectoplasm, and some of his core bits. He chose to run this one because the blobs seemed frightened of hackling with customers, and frankly, seeing people be happy was a different kind of rush.

Things were fine for a few years. He didn't need to work now that he had a steady cash flow—though sometimes he had to find someone willing to trade for US Earth 23-19 dollars. He was his own boss with his books to read, his body not needing sleep or food while in the zone, and his ability to lose himself in between pages whenever he wanted.

Then, his bookstore fell off his haunt. It was like an apple falling from a tree- it grew too heavy for the Haunt to handle- flinging Danny into a nearby Earth portal. Luckily, he could get back to the Zone with the spell he placed on his backdoor, and his haunt was in the same place as it always was.

It turns out that Haunt Manipulation is no longer an extended practice because it cannot anchor anywhere. It vanishes and reappears randomly, lingering for a few months. Danny finds that the last haunt like this is now named the House of Mysteries.

At first, Danny was really annoyed by this, until he realized that he could once again walk among humans and spread his library to different worlds. He especially loved it when he appeared in areas where he could teach people to read.

Something about introducing people to his obsession was almost as fulfilling as his obsession itself.

He became a strange but wise man in some worlds and a god of knowledge in others. Danny was having the time of his life, flinging between timelines, exploring dimensions, and still being able to port back to his regular Haunt that connected him to his home.

He saw his parents every Thanksgiving and Christmas. He was able to be the Best man at Jazz's wedding, saw Tucker become the head of his own tech company, and was one of the first to meet Sam's girlfriend between his exploring.

Infinite Realms Bookstore's newest location was on an intriguing Earth behind Danny's home world regarding technology. It was a crime-infested city with far too many problems for its own good. His bookstore also chooses to plant itself right smack in the middle of the worst part of town.

On the far back wall, in the elegant letter, it read "Five years," meaning Danny and the bookstore would be here for five years before it vanished. Strangely, it was the longest time that it had lingered in one place.

Danny suspected that Infinite Realms Bookstore was starting to develop a mind of its own. His books were organizing themselves overnight now, and he was sure he never saw any blob ghosts about.

That did not stop him from happily opening his doors to Crime Alley anyway. The morning of his first day in Gotham, while sipping some coffee- he forgot how good it tasted!- a young boy wandered in.

He was obviously looking for an escape, so Danny willed some chairs and tables to appear in the far back. A complimentary snack section appeared a few seconds later, and there was a "Feel free to read anything off the shelves" sign.

The kid's eyes widened when he spotted them before he hastily raced toward the classics and selected two large volumes. He planted himself at one of the tables surrounded by drinks and cookies and didn't move for hours.

Danny left him to it, choosing to close when the kid left. It was tweleve long hours but worth it to see the glee on the tiny litte face as he flipped through pages.

The next day, he came back, and the one after that. Before long, Danny had his first regular.

That regular is a young boy named Jason Todd.

Jason reminded Danny of himself when he first got into reading, which led to him making a deal with the young boy. He would let Jason bring books to trade, allowing the boy to take home whatever he wanted in exchange. This meant Danny could get books from this new dimension and Jason didn't have to worry about finaces.

There was a time where Danny was pretty sure Jason was just reselling him back his own books. But seeing as Jason looked more and more like he was having a hard time finding a good meal, Danny pretended not to notice.

This is similar to when his bookstore developed free showers for him to use only when he was about or private reading rooms with a warm bed. Jason early took advantage of these, unaware that they vanished from view to all other customers once he stepped inside.

Sometimes, he falls asleep and spends the night inside those private reading rooms when Danny "forgets" to walk through the store before closing.

Everyone else paid because they didn't make Danny's core sing like Jason. It was easy to tell when the boy became Robin, as he found the vigilante pulling Batman to his window and pointing out books. The moment that mask little face pressed against his glass, Danny knew who it was.

Just as he knew the next day when, Bruce Wayne opened his door to buy everything that Robin had wanted. Danny kept that to himself, though. He figured it would be funnier if they thought they were sneaky.

Maybe this place would be his finest location yet.

[txttletale]

hey what DO you watch on youtube? seems like you'd have some neat recommendations :3

i really loathe the like super-highly edited sound effect post-mrbeast slop most of youtube is now so i mostly like stuff that's like... calm and sedate. stuff i've been watching lately in no particular order:

northernlion vods and clips. he's an OG. i especially like his react court series, i must have watched all of them like five times.

speaking of OGs i've been watching zero puncutation (now fully ramblomatic) for like ten years and if anything it's only gotten better. best game review content on the internet. been really enjoying his more recent, slightly longer and more thoughtful 'extra punctuation/semi-ramblomatic' series too.

any austin's skyrim unemployment rate videos. instant classics to me, it's just a guy going around in skyrim trying to figure out the unemployment rate in every town. it's a very dry kind of humour, he plays it admirably straight, and it's weirdly calming.

kitten arcader's foot the bill videos. in a kind of similar vein, he watches the saw movies and then produces an itemized bill for everything jigsaw needed to buy to make his traps. it's kind of like... if cinemasins was fundamentally curious instead of fundamentally incurious, it scratches a similar sort of nitpicky detail-oriented quantifying itch but without inimical to the concept of art.

shuffle up and play. it's a magic the gathering play series that has enough editing that the gamestate is actually legible but not enough editing (or at least, not enough obtrusive in-your-face editing) that its annoying. i also like that they reguilarly play non-edh formats like cube and pauper.

spice8rack. i'm pretty picky about video essays but spice8rack has very obviously actually read books and has interesting things to say about the topics it discusses (mostly magic: the gathering). sometimes it has a kind of grating Theater Kid Energy but the fact that it actually meaningfully structures essays and analysis to earn the silly long runtimes is a rare delight from a video essayist.

jenny nicholson is a long-time favourite and another permanent fixture in my rotation. she's just extremely, remarkably funny which makes her the only 'basically just summarizing a thing' youtuber i think is worth the time of day.

i watch some sketch comedy, mainly wizards with guns and aunty donna, who both consistently put out really funny stuff that's kind of ITYSL-adjacent in its barefaced absurdism and contenmpt for concepts like "stopping a joke at the logical punchline". i also really like alasdair beckett-king and binging the old clickhole backlog for short-form comedy on youtube.

wolfeyvgc is right on the edge of the level of editing i find tolerable but as a long-time fan of multiple esports he Has It, he's absolutelyt fantastic at t elling the narrative of a tournament, explaining plays clearly, and generally making competitive pokemon esports thrilling and interesting ti someone (me) who#s never played it and doesn't care about pkoemon that much

i religously watch every elliespectacular/dathings YTP, the absolute best in the game right now, top tier snetence mixing and really good at actually setting up and paying off jokes in a way it feels like a lot of ytp doesn't. verytallbart is also pretty good.

trapperdapper is a channel i recently binged, it's a really fucking funny parody of minecraft challenge content that veers slowly from obvious angles of parody into pure absurdism with tons of blink-and-you'll miss it subtle visual gags.

too much future is a great youtube series where the two guys from just king things/homestuck made this world play through every fallout game and analyze them in that context. extremely funny and also just top-tier very sharp analysis. really good

another one of the rare good video essayists is jan misali. they're really funny and will go into topics that kind of seem narrow or strange to begin with in such depth and make them so interesting that it's consistently astonishing.

oh and finally sarah z makes pretty good videos. 'the narcissist scare' is an absolutely brilliant deconstruction of one of the most annoying pop-psych phenomena of the last couple years. and remarkably well script supervised i think did anyone else watch it and think 'wow the script supervisor on this must have been, a mind geniuse'

ok i think that's all i've been watching lately. hope you like whcihever of these recs you check out :)

[ms-demeanor]

Hello,Do you have any tips for recovering from internet brain rot? It's like my patience has dried up and if there's a huge amount of text (even about topics I'm very interested in) that I have to read, I get annoyed and just don't interact with the material at all.

I have multiple tips!

TL;DR (Because of course I generated a wall of text): Take a break from the internet, create a schedule for getting yourself used to reading longer texts, take breaks while reading, and perhaps reconsider how you interact with The Internet and the world in general.

Here are the basic "to reduce the brain rot just don't interact" tips:

Take a break. Give yourself time off from The Internet (for these purposes The Internet is the social media industrial complex; clickbait news, recommended videos, social media sites, etc. You don't have to totally check out of email or your local news site, just get away from the huge time sucks). I'd say to take at least one day a week where you're online for less than an hour a day, and to maybe work up to doing a week-long break from whatever the main agents of rot are.

Once you've identified the main agents of rot, give yourself a time limit or set up rules for yourself. I don't let myself look at social media in bed, for instance; no staying up late on my phone, no scrolling before I get up and start my day. I don't give myself a strict time limit anymore, but for a while there I was very firm about "you only get to go online 4 hours a day" with myself.

Don't comment (or at least only share the things you really want to share). If you feel the need to argue, or if you feel pressured into sharing something, don't. Step back, maybe even open the post in a new tab or send it to yourself, and come back later. If you've been thinking about it and have decided it IS something you care enough to talk about, share it. If you look at the tab and feel stressed out or still feel reactive, close the tab and walk away.

Go out and interact with the real world in a non-work capacity for a few hours a week; take walks or go shopping or go out and take pictures of insects. Touch grass so that The Internet is not the only thing you're doing with your downtime.

Here are the "work on reading longer texts specifically" tips:

Set a reading goal for yourself. Maybe you want to read one New Yorker article a week, maybe you want to read all the way through news articles, maybe you want to read novels like you used to in high school. Figure out what your actual goal is and articulate that goal to yourself.

Set up a practice schedule and gradually increase the amount of time you're reading. Don't go from short tumblr posts to a novella, go from short tumblr posts to slightly longer news articles, then to slightly longer essays, then to a novella. You can do this in literal paragraphs if you want to - maybe your goal for your first day is to read five paragraphs in a row, and the second day is seven, and the third day is ten, etc, until you are comfortably reading for longer amounts of time without counting paragraphs. (Try this with books from gutenberg.org; read a classic you haven't read a few paragraphs at a time and if you find yourself going over your paragraph count, let yourself run with it. If you finish a book, good for you, find another one and start again.)

Set up a maintenance schedule. If your goal is to read longer news pieces, try to read a longer piece every week and try to read to the end of every news article you open. If your goal is to read novels or longer nonfiction, try to read a book a month (maybe setting aside dedicated time each week to read, maybe Thursday evenings are book time now). If you find yourself falling back into old habits, take a break from The Internet and do some more rigorous practice for a while.

If you find yourself getting frustrated while you are reading you can also take a break! Read until you get frustrated and then *instead of switching to a different page or closing the article* close your eyes or look out the window or away from the screen for thirty seconds (count 'em! count out the time in your head) and then continue reading. You can also take a longer pause and sit and think about why you're getting frustrated. Is it the subject matter? Is it just looking at this text for longer than a couple minutes (if you are experiencing FOMO because you're reading for another few minutes instead of scrolling, the harder tips at the bottom are going to be important to you)? Are you comfortable? Are you reading this text to procrastinate from something and the procrastination is making you nervous? Are you trying to read to the bottom of your dash and reading a long post is taking up more time than you want while scrolling? Are you bored? Genuinely and very seriously: are your eyes straining and does your head hurt (if this is the case when is the last time you had your eyes checked or your glasses prescription updated)?

Here are the much harder "examine yourself and reassess your reactions to things" tips:

Work on re-training your attention span.

Identify something that you enjoy and find deeply engaging, and schedule some dedicated time for that thing. Set a literal timer (it can be a short amount of time at first) and sit down and do the thing without switching to a different website or opening up an app on your phone. This can be re-reading or watching a couple episodes of a show you like or listening to your favorite album while you sit down and draw. What's important is to spend a longer time focusing on doing something you DO like before attempting to spend a longer time focusing on something you DON'T like.

When you're starting on things you DON'T like, start with things you mildly don't like, or that feel tedious but aren't actually unpleasant. One way I do this is by transcribing poetry; I look up poems that I connect to and I transcribe them into a notebook that I have for that purpose. I enjoy having the finished product, but I don't enjoy the process, so it takes some effort to stick with it. Maybe there is a boring book you have been trying to get through, maybe you need to detail your car, maybe you've been trying to take up embroidery - these are good things to make yourself pay attention to (having music or a podcast on can help, but avoid watching videos or opening social apps)

When you're okay at that kind of thing (doing something not actively unpleasant) work on your attention span for things you ACTIVELY don't like. I don't think you should be a masochist about this, but you should work on being okay with doing unpleasant things for a sustained period of time. All of us have to do unpleasant stuff sometimes, and it's better to be able to pay attention to it for an hour at a time than it is to put it off forever.

This leads into the next Big Tip which is:

Work on being less reactive

Find something that you dislike; I'm going to use conservative talk radio as my example.

Expose yourself to the disliked thing for short periods of time (under ten minutes, maybe under five minutes).

Work on moderating your emotions during the time spent exposed to the disliked thing. If it makes you angry, work on intellectualizing the anger without becoming agitated by it. If it makes you sad, work on accepting that sadness without letting it drag down your mood. This isn't precisely about becoming numb to stimuli, but it is about being more in control of how your emotional reactions impact you.

Analyze the disliked thing. Why does it make you angry? Is that on purpose by the creator of the thing? Would it make someone else angry in the same way? How would you explain the anger to a neutral third party?

Consider responding instead of reacting. Let's say you're seeing a lot of very sad and upsetting things online and it's making you sad and upsetting you. You re-share these things because you don't feel like there's anything else you can do or you get angry when you see people sharing incorrect information, perhaps you argue with people about this. Now try looking at the upsetting things through the lens of point number four. This has upset you; how has it upset you? And once you've thought about how it upset you and have articulated that to yourself, find out what you can DO. I cannot make conservative talk radio go off the air, but I can support the groups harmed by conservative talk radio; thus there is no point in me getting upset and angry about conservative talk radio when I could be helping the people they target instead.

And that gets us to the last big tip which is:

Ask yourself if you are spending your time in a way that is enjoyable and edifying.

We all have limited time in our days and limited time in our lives. If you are finding yourself frequently frustrated online, it's a good time to consider whether you want to be spending so much time online.

If you feel like The Internet has become a rat race in which you can't read more than a few paragraphs without getting frustrated, there's a good chance that not only are you spending too much time on The Internet, but you're also spending it on doing things that you don't particularly like.

A realization like yours, Anon, that you are getting frustrated with any longer texts, can actually be really helpful because it provides a good opportunity to look at what you're engaging with and consider the questions:

Is this something I enjoy?

Do I feel good when I do this thing?

And that's a great way to figure out how to get rid of things that are leading to your background frustration. Maybe that looks like paring down the list of blogs you follow, maybe that looks like unsubscribing from some youtubers and podcasts, maybe that looks like uninstalling apps, maybe that looks like blocking a whole bunch of people and terms on your socials.

I don't think that everything we do has to help us grow as a person or expand our consciousness or anything like that, but I do think it's important to prioritize doing things that you like and doing things that you feel good about.

Like, I'm not doing something *wrong* if I spend an afternoon on Youtube watching drama channels every once in a while, but if I come out of a few afternoons of watching youtube drama channels feeling restless and anxious and like I wasted my time - even if I enjoyed myself while I was watching - it's probably a good idea for me to take a break from drama channels and see if there's something I can do instead that will make me feel better.

ALSO, A NOTE:

You are an animal that requires significant enrichment in your enclosure.

Think about tigers. Tigers in captivity are going to be excited to get high-value treats for any reason. They will eat and enjoy the treats. But if a tiger in captivity is only given the treats and never given any other form of activity to engage with, it is not going to be a happy tiger. If you start putting their treats in a pumpkin or a puzzle feeder or giving them toys to play with, that is going to be a much happier tiger.

Please give your brain things to play with that are more than just treats (though it does need some treats!). Make yourself a happy tiger. Your brain need a puzzle feeder, not a treat button.

[crumbledcastle28]

Sebastian Sallow: Atonement

Pairing: Sebastian Sallow x fem!reader (she/her; afab)

Summary: Sebastian attempts to make up for some of his recent behaviors.

"Don't look at me like that." "Like what?" he asked, eyebrows raised slightly, voice gentle, touch against your cheek even gentler. "Like you're pitying me." His face of kindliness slowly morphed into one of fondness, accompanied by his classic smirk. "Trust me, Y/N," he said as he began leaning into you, stopping your heart. "This is not pity." And he kissed you.

Warnings: characters are AGED UP, bickering, kissing, swearing, mentions of Anne's pain, unlabeled relationship, sort of indefinite ending.

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: Sebastian Sallow Hogwarts Legacy has consumed my mind, body, and soul for the last month, and this is what has become of it. I hope you enjoy.

My Writing

If you'd like to leave a like, comment, ask, or reblog, it would be much appreciated <3

(picture from pinterest he's so aaaaaaa)

Moonlight twinkled through the burgundy stained-glass windows of Professor Bin's classroom. His deep voice bounced across the stone and into your half-dormant brain.

"I want each and every essay sorted alphabetically," he stated, adjusting the bifocals on his nose as he glided past your desk. "Precisely alphabetically."

You rubbed your temples and began to sort through your stack, too weary to even roll your eyes.

"I expect both of your stacks to be done upon my return," he said, drifting out the classroom, mumbling, "now where has that blasted poltergeist gone with the rest of my tea."

You breathed deeply, doing everything you could to focus on the letters swimming in your head, and not the -

"It seems Peeves enjoys Binns' character as much as we do."

- Slytherin seated directly behind you.

You didn't reply. Absorbed only in the students' names on the top of the parchment from decades upon decades ago.

"Just wait until he realizes Peeves hid it under my desk."

Once again, you acknowledged him with only silence.

A minute passed. Two. Three.

"Why does Binns keep essays from thirty years ago?" he spoke again.

Another three minutes. Five. Twenty. Almost twenty-five before Sebastian finally broke the sound of shuffling papers with his voice.

You were betting it would only take him five.

"Oh, come on, Y/N," he practically whined, the sound of his palms slapping onto the dark wood making you smirk devilishly. "Loosen up."

Your mood immediately soured. You turned around, eyebrows furrowed, nostrils flaring.

"Loosen up," you responded, "Excuse me if I do not want to talk to the reason I got detention in the first place."

"How is you falling asleep in class my fault?"

"Because of your obsession with that spellbook."

It was true. Sebastian had pleaded with you to stay up with him until the sun began to rise the night previous in the Undercroft, eyes peeling over every word within Salazar's book, researching words he didn't recognize in what had to have been half the restricted section settled in his lap. You helped him as best you could, attempting not to nod off onto his shoulder every few minutes.

He had never even come close to drifting off. Not once.

Until History of Magic, hence your shared detention.

"Don't pretend like I made you stay down there with me," he countered.

That was also true.

He sighed deeply as his gaze moved away from your own, speech now directed more towards himself instead of you.

"We're so close," he nearly whispered. "I can feel it."

You sighed and turned back around, reminding yourself where you were in the alphabet. A few more minutes passed, the silence now feeling more tense than it had ever been before.

"You're still pissed at me," he said, and you rubbed at your temples once again.

"I'm not pissed at you."

He scoffed a laugh. "I find that hard to believe."

You sighed again and spun around, facing him with softness rather than daggers.

"I am pissed," you stated, "I'm pissed that we're here, I'm pissed that we can't figure it out, I'm pissed that Anne's in pain, I'm pissed that you aren't sleeping, I'm pissed that you are resorting to the dark arts..."

His mouth opened in defense, but you halted him, raising your palm in the air.

"...and I'm even more pissed that they are the only thing that is actually getting us somewhere."

He blinked a few times, allowing your words to wash over him, before his eyes began to dart back and forth. His eyes became accusatory, as well as his tone. "Do you really think me daft enough to have no idea what I'm getting myself into? That I would actually use these spells for myself?"

You gripped onto your wooden seat, brain hunting for a way to describe what you had been perturbed by since you first learned of Anne's case.

You exhaled through your nose, intending for your speech to be as gentle as possible, hoping it was enough. "I think that you aren't aware of how comfortable you are with crossing your own boundaries."

He looked at you as though you had slapped him.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he questioned, slowly rising from his seat and leaning his weight onto his desk.

Your eyes fluttered. "You love her, Sebastian. More than anyone in the world. Love like that can cause people to...to act outside of their normal character if it meant that the person that they loved would be okay."

His breathing began to slowly escalate. "And how am I 'acting outside of my normal character?'"

"You're in possession of a book of dark and powerful spells, Sebastian," you stated, standing from your own chair. Only a desk separated you now. "If you found a spell that could cure her - cure her completely - but it required some kind of twisted ultimatum, you would do it. I know you would."

His chocolate eyes met your own, staring deeply into them. "And you wouldn't?"

You swallowed thickly, voice cracking with emotions you thought you had buried a long time ago. "To save someone I love...I would, Sebastian. Of course I would."

"So what the hell is your point?" he questioned, standing up from his lean to begin walking around his desk, robes flowing behind him.

"My point is that what you're doing scares me," you countered. "The fact that spells that require a cost exist scares me. I know you would go any length to save her, and the fact that the length could be harming yourself or other people scares me."

"But you just said you would do the same," he rebutted, now standing directly in front of you, essays long forgotten. His lips pink as well as his cheeks.

"In your shoes yes, I would. But I'm not in your shoes." You stepped closer to him, his scent of green apple, butterscotch, and a hint of clean linen finding its way into your nose, clouding your brain even more than it already was. "I want to help Anne - of course I want to help Anne - but I will not let you do anything you would regret to get there. I know that's what she would want, and that is what I would want you to do for me."

"What about what I want?" he questioned. "I want her healthy, I want her safe, and I want her happy. Besides, do you honestly think I would hurt someone on purpose? Yes, my emotions are very tied into this, I see your point with that, but I am not a bad person."

You sighed, looking into his eyes painted by moon and candlelight. "I know you're not. I wouldn't be helping you if I thought otherwise."

"Then why are we even having this conversation?" His tone became condemnatory once again, his hands going to his hips as he spoke.

For some reason, that's when you finally broke.

"Because I care about you, Sebastian," you said, your voice carrying through the room with a notable ache. "I care about Anne, but I care about you too. Why the hell do you think I went down with you into the Scriptorium, or stayed up with you until the sun rose in the Undercroft, or persuaded Ominis to help us in the first place?"

His face eased, and his eyes widened, mouth slightly ajar. He stepped closer to you, almost as if he was unable to stop himself.

"Yes it's for Anne. But..." you stopped, rubbing your lips together, attempting to recollect yourself. "...but all of the promises I have made to myself that I have broken have been for you. I won't see you spiral into someone you're not. I won't let you."

You couldn't look at him. You couldn't know what his reaction to your words was. You couldn't handle it. Instead, you let your words hang in the air, and a single tear roll down your cheek, blaming your exhaustion for the sudden admission that you hadn't even accepted yourself.

As the tear rolled down your cheek and your mind tore itself apart, cursing itself for beings so vulnerable, a palm slid itself perfectly against your cheek. It was hesitant, as if waiting for you to slap it away. You gasped quietly, quietly enough for only him to hear. Your eyes snapped up to meet his gaze, which was a lake of emotion as deep as your own.

He was so close to you that each freckle on his face was visible in the yellowed lighting, as well as his still slightly opened mouth, and a look in his eye that you thought you understood immediately.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" he asked, eyebrows raised slightly, voice gentle, touch against your cheek even gentler.

"Like you're pitying me."

His face of kindliness slowly morphed into one of fondness, accompanied by his classic smirk. "Trust me, Y/N," he said as he began leaning into you, stopping your heart. "This is not pity."

And he kissed you.

At first, you kissed back, letting your body take over for you. Starting soft, merely pecks and short increments of slotting each other's lips over the other's. It wasn't until he separated his lips with his tongue that you came back into consciousness - overwhelmed with the heat of his mouth, the taste of his lips, his robe between your fingers, his chest pressed against your own, the fact that he initiated it.

You couldn't help it. You froze.

"Sebastian," you whispered, eyes widened as if he had just appeared in front of you, and he smiled. His pupils taking over the entirety of his eyes, his lips reddened.

"Shh," he responded, leaning in again. "I know. It's okay."

He kissed you again, and as he wrapped his arms around your waist, you let yourself go.

You allowed his tongue to enter your mouth, giving him a small whine in return. He groaned back, quiet enough for only you to hear, as your kisses deepened and deepened. He kissed you like an artist - like he knew exactly what he wanted you to feel, and knew just the strokes to get you there. He backed you up slowly, likely catching onto your weakening knees, and lifted you by your waist. You gripped onto the hood of his robes as he did this, even as he set you delicately onto the desk.

"I've got you," he mumbled against your mouth, kissing you hard before moving his lips to your cheek, then your jawline, and finally to your neck.

"You smell nice," he whispered against your pulse, kissing and licking everywhere his mouth could reach. Your nails dug into the wood and your mouth went dry, itching to cover yourself with him. You settled with bringing your free hand to the hair at the back of his neck, smiling at its silkiness.

You knew it would be.

"I care about you, Y/N" he said, moving to the other side of your neck. He had managed to slide his hand deep enough into your robes to massage the skin over your ribs, making your toes curl.

"I would never hurt you," he whispered, moving back up to your mouth, pressing kisses to your lips in between his words. "No matter what. No matter what."

You hummed against his lips, happier than you had ever been.

He kissed you again, slowly, in such a cherishing way. Like he had all day, all night, and all of forever to do so. His lips chased your own like he needed you to breathe.

Your hands framed his face and combed through his hair, pulling him so close to you he had to place his hands on the desk to stable himself, when an indistinguishable humming echoed up the Grand Staircase.

Neither of you hesitated, pulling away from each other faster than you could blink, rushing back to your seats, and continuing your alphabetizing.

Professor Binns halted his humming as he glided back into the classroom. "Ah, and how are we doing in here?"

"Nearly halfway done, Professor," Sebastian answered, a newfound depth to his voice so obvious you had to bite your tongue.

"Ah, good, right on schedule," Binns responded, eyeing the clock above his desk. "One more hour and then you are both free to go - as long as the sorting is done, of course."

"Yes, Professor," the two of you responded consecutively. Binns nodded, satisfied.

As Binns began to exit the room once more, he paused suddenly, and turned to look back at you.

"Miss Y/L/N?"

"Yes, Professor," you responded, folding your hands into your lap.

"Are you alright, my dear?" he asked. "Your neck and cheeks are a bit... flushed."

Your heart stopped for the second time that evening.

"Y-yes, sir," you responded quickly. "I am just a bit warm."

You could feel Sebastian holding back a laugh.

"Well, feel free to take off your top robe," Binns said kindly. "It has been quite a warm winter."

"Thank you, Professor," you responded, and removed your robe, draping it over the back of your chair as Binns left the room.

A minute passed. Two. Three. Before Sebastian cut the air with a snort.

"'Just a bit warm.'"

You turned around and smiled so big your cheeks hurt, face so hot it ached, and laughed with him. "Just a bit."

The two of you laughed and wordlessly went back to your work, alphabetizing faster than you ever had in your life, and occasionally turning to look at the other.

Your smiles lit up the room.

Finally, the clock chimed, signaling another hour had passed, and you tucked your final essay into its spot. Sebastian did the same.

"Right on time," he said, and Binns walked in shortly after to dismiss you both before gliding back down the stairs to the faculty tower.

You gathered your robe in your hand, pulling it onto your shoulders, when a hand on your back halted you.

You turned and were met with Sebastian's lips pressed against your own, and his hands framing your face.

The two of you kissed for a few seconds, pulling away and smiling once or twice, before he pressed his forehead against yours, rubbing your noses together.

"I am sorry you got detention," he said, looking into your eyes. "I hope I have atoned for it."

You smiled, and kissed his cheek.

"And I hope you know that...that you can trust me. I don't want to hurt people, or myself, I want Anne cured." He paused, rubbing his thumb along your cheekbones. "But I also want you. I hope I have proven that."

You smiled, and kissed his mouth.

"You have, Sebastian. You have."

Tag list:

@leahkenobi

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

The Uncanny Valley: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.6k

Summary: Therapy isn't something you're taking too well, but if you want to keep your job, you'll continue to go. you're forced to confront thoughts and memories of your own family when you come across the father of the unsub.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Season Five Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.

x

If drugs are being used, then a doctor might know something about it that the team won't. Rossi calls in a doctor who is around all different types of drugs to get a professional opinion on the case.

"So, doctor, if a diabetic were given this battery of drugs to keep her paralyzed, what would the reaction be?"

"Diabetics metabolize everything they consume differently which includes drugs. It all gets broken down to blood sugar at varying rates. Most likely, this patient seized up minutes after she was medicated."

"You're saying she's already dead?"

"Probably. Although, there is another possibility. Bethany's condition could break down the drugs faster than the other victims. She might regain control of her body. Every hour that she doesn't turn up is a reason for hope."

"We're still running out of time. If the drugs don't kill Bethany, she's not gonna last long without insulin."

You and Spencer take it upon yourself to talk to a collector to try and get into the mindset of someone like the unsub. There is a store in town that is owned by a collector who likes to sell some of his things and give them to other people who are collecting the same things he is. Spencer breaks down the situation you're in without giving too much information away. He's still a civilian who doesn't need to know police business.

"Look, collectors are good, honest people. Just because you enjoy dolls doesn't make you a freak or a pedophile."

"We appreciate that sir, but the woman that we're looking for has lost her ability to control her obsession. She's killed three women trying to recreate a type of doll she had a child."

"Describe the line to me."

"There's a pattern to the victims. They're all in their twenties and petite."

"Most doll lines revolve around infants. Is she dressing them like babies?"

"No, she's not." Spencer looks at you to see you studying the things he has in his store. You're not touching anything but you are fiddling with your fingers as you look. "Their wardrobe consists of chiffon dresses worn by one blond woman, a redhead, and a black woman."

"Is she sewing the dresses herself?"

"How did you know that?"

The store owner goes around the counter and takes out a big book of dolls. He flips through the pages to the ones he thinks are the ones the unsub is trying to recreate.

"It's the Valois line. They were a local company back in the late eighties. They promoted feminism and multiculturalism. Strong, independent girls from different backgrounds who could still be friends."

"Y/N, check this out." You walk over to Spencer and study the contents of the book. "Each doll has a birth certificate to fill out, a form to describe their lives, and a kit to sew your own clothes."

"JJ said she's been at this for a while. She's probably been sewing since she was a little kid."

"Wait a minute. Sir, what's this contest that they held?" Spencer asks when he sees an ad in the book.

"That was to see who could come up with the most imaginative doll. Sew a dress and write an essay to describe her. If you won the contest, you'd have your doll featured in next year's line."

"That didn't end well, did it?"

"No."

"It's a classic tool child psychologists use. Tell me a story with these dolls sort of way."

"When the company got essays with thinly veiled references to physical or sexual abuse, they turned the entry forms and the dolls over to the police. The publicity killed the line."

"You said the company was local, right? They might still have the clothes in evidence."

The detective was able to get the dolls that were in evidence once you asked him to. By the time you got back to the station, Derek was reading some of the essays while JJ and Emily were inspecting the dolls. You used to have a doll like that when you were a child. Your dad gave you one to dress up with doll clothes. You didn't have the skill to sew and it's not like your parents were gonna do that for you.

You grab one of the dolls and think back to your childhood. You got a lot of dolls, in fact.

"How are the essays going?" Spencer asks Derek.

"It makes for some pretty depressing reading. Prentiss is having a good time."

"Hey, these dolls are like little time capsules only eighties fashion wasn't so kind to them. I'm surprised how many little girls knew how to make shoulder pads. How's it going on your end, JJ?"

"I got a list of vendors the victims went to--tailors and seamstresses, that sort of thing."

"JJ, you said something about a handkerchief hem, right?" Emily asks.

Emily shows her the hem on some of the clothes on the dolls.

"That's exactly like what she sews for her victims."

"What's the name on the entry?"

"Samantha Malcolm."

"She's on my list," JJ says.

"Wait a minute, guys. I have her essay around here somewhere." He looks for it. "Right here. 'Sally doesn't like the room with the lightning.' That can't be good."

You take out your phone and call Penelope to get information on Samatha.

"Okay guys, I just got Samantha's medical records. Oh, my god, she was doomed. Like Emily Bronte doomed, like Shakespeare doomed."

"What happened to her?" Hotch asks.

"Right. For the first ten years, nothing. Then, she starts a battery of electroshock treatments."

"At ten? Who subjects a child to ECT?" Spencer wonders.

"That would be her father, Dr. Arthur Malcolm. He runs an inpatient mental health facility for troubled young people called New Lives. At first, the essay that Samantha wrote raised some flags, but her father explained that the therapy was to deal with the recent death of her mother. After that, he started her on a serious regimen of anti-psychotic drugs which he weaned her off of a few years ago."

"It explains her familiarity with medication. Where is she now?"

"Her father declared her incompetent so he's still the legal guardian. Everything is in his name, and all of her records list New Lives as her residence."

"She can't keep victims in an inpatient facility. She needs privacy. Garcia, what about real estate holdings in her father's name?"

"Just his own, but New Lives has a bunch of outpatient and halfway houses all over town."

"JJ, where does she work?"

She checks her list. "I have her placed at three different shops around town."

"Alright, let's split up and cover the shops and the facility."

"I want to go to New Lives," Spencer says. "Whether or not she's there, I want to talk to the father. There are literally hundreds of therapies to help kids through loss. Electroshock is not one of them."

"Take Rossi and Y/N," Hotch says.

Rossi drives both of you to Arthur's facility that's right smack dab in the middle of town. You step out of the car and feel the sense that someone is watching you. You look around and know Samantha is out there. She's close whether on purpose or just passing through.

"What is it?" Spencer asks.

"She's here. I feel her. I can't find her, though."

There are too many people walking around that her energy mixes with everyone else's. Rossi takes you two inside and gets approval to talk to Dr. Malcolm. The second you see the doctor, you freeze in your steps. He becomes blurry through your tears but neither Rossi nor Spencer notice you. Rossi begins explaining the situation briefly but you can't hear the words coming out of his mouth.

"I am very confused, gentlemen. What does this have to do with Samantha?"

"We need to talk to her. Is she here?"

"No, she's at work."

"Does she live here or did you move her into one of your halfway houses?"

"As a matter of fact, she is in one of my houses."

"We'll need the address."

"I need to know what this is about."

"She might be tied to a series of abductions."

"That's not possible. It's not my daughter," Dr. Malcolm shakes his head.

"Is Samantha on her own at this house? There are no other patients, right?"

"She thought that was best and I agreed."

Rossi looks back at Spencer and notices the painful look on your face.

"Y/N, are you okay?"

Spencer turns to look at you and grabs your hand to which you squeeze. The feeling and energy you're getting from Dr. Malcolm is the same one you got from your rapist. It's similar to the same feeling you've been getting with your dad recently, but you're not going to open that door.

"I know a child molester when I see one."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You subjected Samantha to electroshock therapy when she was ten. The effects of that would be permanent, especially at that age but you knew that, didn't you?"

"My wife died when Samantha was ten and she never recovered. I tried everything. Child psychiatry and pet therapy. Nothing helped. She was cutting herself. She was in pain. But I want to go back to the part where you're accusing me of being a child molester."

"Really? Okay. I noticed you have toys in your office. Why are they here?"

"I use them in my therapy."

"I understand that, but why are they on the top shelf away from where any kids can reach them?"

"They're reminders of patients that I've helped."

"Okay." You grab one of the toys from the shelf. "What was the name of the girl you helped with this one?"

"Jenny Larson."

You grab another one. "This one? What was the name of the girl you helped with this one?"

"Abigail Moore."

"How about this one?"

"Linda Krauss."

"I'm assuming these girls are nine or twelve, right?"

"My PhDs are on the effect of trauma on prepubescent girls. I do not appreciate what you're implying," he glares.

"I'm not implying anything. I'm making an inference. An inference is an educated guess, and based on that, I form a hypothesis. For instance, my hypothesis here is that after you raped your daughter, you submitted her to electroshock treatment to make sure she stayed quiet."

"This is outrageous!"

"Then, out of guilt, you bought her toys. More specifically, you bought her a line of dolls. Because that's what serial molesters do. They give gifts. So, you continued the pattern with your other patients and once they left your care, you added their toys to your collection."

You pause to think about your own situation. Your father gave you a bunch of toys to keep you happy. Maybe there is no correlation and you're reading into but you'd rather not think of your own father in that light.

"I'm sorry, you can't back up your story, Agent."

"This is why I love my job, doctor," you laugh. "The jury is your peers and the witnesses will be Jenny, Abagail, and Linda. The DA will put them on the stand and I'm going to personally bring these dolls in. We'll watch how they react." You start to raise your voice and slam your hand on his desk which scares him. "Not to mention your goddamn energy painting a not-so-pretty picture of you fucking these girls!"

Spencer pulls you back to help calm you down and Rossi steps in to take over.

"Or you could tell us where your daughter is, and we'll tell the DA you cooperated. Once we walk out this door, that deal comes off the table."

You turn to leave the room and Dr. Malcolm says something right before Spencer can leave.

"2529 Adams Street. You'll tell them, right? That I cooperated?"

"Where are the other toys? The collection isn't complete," you glare.

Dr. Malcolm has no choice but to give them up. He gives you the dolls he took from his daughter, the ones that made her start kidnapping in the first place. Rossi informs the rest of the team where to go, but Spencer thinks it's best if he goes in first. Samantha is mentally unstable so she needs to be approached delicately and carefully.

Spencer goes in knowing he can talk her down while you go in so you can help the girls she's taken.

"Samantha?" She is in the middle of taking care of her victims and she gasps when she hears Spencer's voice. As he is talking to her, you have your gun out and trained on her. "My name is Spencer and this is Y/N. We're with the FBI. I know what your father did to you, and I want you to know that he can never, ever hurt you again."

"He never touched me," she shakes her head. "He's a good father. He loves me."

You say the same thing about your father.

"I know that he probably forced you to say those things. He'd punish you if you got it wrong and send you to the room with the lightning."

"Yeah," she nods.

"The dolls that your father gave you after he hurt you, what would happen to them?"

"He kept them in his office with the other toys, but when I moved out, I had to take my friends with me. I couldn't leave them behind."

As he keeps her talking, you slowly move to the right to get closer to the girls who are begging you with their eyes.

"Of course. When you went to get them, what did you find? He gave them to another girl, didn't he?" She nods emotionally. "Do you want them back?"

"He said I couldn't. He said they were gone for good."

"He lied. He's been lying to you for a long time. Do you want to see them?"

"Can I?"

"Yeah." Spencer reveals he has the box of dolls and she immediately goes over to him. This is when you put your gun away and tend to the girls. "Do you want to play with them?

"Don't worry, you girls are safe," you say.

You take out each IV tube from each of the girl's arms. If they could cry, they would. Bethany is the one with diabetes so she is able to move a lot more. The drugs Samantha gave her wore of quickly.

"Thank you," she whispers.

"It's clear. We need medical in here," Spencer says into his earpiece. When the team comes into the house, Samantha panics that she isn't going to see her dolls again. "Hey, Samantha? You need to go with these men but your friends can go with you, okay?"

"They won't take them away?"

"I promise no one will ever take them away again."

She is taken away but she is happy because of her dolls.

"Well done, Agent Reid."

"Thanks."

Rossi goes over to you and wraps an arm around your shoulder for comfort.

"Are you okay?"

"No," you whisper painfully.

Another job well done. Another successful case. It doesn't feel that way. It feels like the world is caving in on you and you can't get to safety. You dread going to sleep but you know you have to at least try. Maybe this time you won't have another nightmare. That's the hope, right?

You're back here again. You're back in the same nightmare. The same car is on the side of the road where you're walking. Someone grabs you from behind. Who is it? It doesn't matter. You scream out for help. You kick and fight to get away. It's no use. Whoever grabbed you has a tight hold on you.

Help! Someone help! Anyone! No one is coming to help you. You're all alone. Spencer stands on the other side of the street just watching. Help! Spencer, please! He doesn't do anything but stands there watching you get dragged into the car.

Spencer!

"Y/N, wake up. You're having a nightmare."

You gasp awake and look around the room to make sure you're not actually inside that car. You're covered in sweat and tears.

"Spencer?"

"I'm right here. You're okay."

"No, I'm not," you sob. You turn over in his arms and cry into his chest. "Please make this stop."

Spencer is heartbroken for you. He doesn't know how to help and it's killing him.

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Isaac Asimov

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[gallifreyanhotfive]

Do you have any recommendations on Dr. Who books/audio format things? I haven't watched the show in a bit because Moffat wasn't my thing and I can't seem to find the old stuff. (If you have any advice on where to find that too I would be very grateful) Following your blog has been a nice reminder of why I liked the show so much. Hope you have a good day!

Aw thank you! Depending on your location, you can find classic who episodes either on BBC iPlayer or Tubi (with ads).

As for books/audios, I'll try to keep this brief as I could write an essay on this.

For books, my favorite author is Kate Orman. Orman writes wonderfully, and my personal favorite is The Year of the Intelligent Tigers. I also really liked Goth Opera, Camera Obscure, History 101, Autumn Mist, Lungbarrow, Divided Loyalties, Somewhere Never etc etc etc etc (so many more but I'm forcing myself to stop here). You can often find free versions of basically every novel (at least all I've looked for) on the internet either as pdfs or epubs or whatever. The Internet Archive is particularly useful. Some examples:

And now for the audios! I personally have sold my soul to Big Finish. I have literally hundreds of recommendations. They do have some audios for free, such as those that came from the Paul Spragg Memorial Competition. You can also find a lot of them (up until Zagreus I think) for free on Spotify. There is also almost always a killer sale going on on the website on top of that too.

As for my recommendations, it's pretty dependent on what Doctor or companion you want to listen to. They even have series centered on UNIT, Romana's Gallifrey, Benny Summerfield, and a ton of other things (including a Masterful special that just had a bunch of Masters fucking around and finding out). I'll put in some of my favorites, one for each Doctor, from what I own (which is far from everything, but I do my best).

One: The Sontarans. It was the first time the Doctor had ever encountered the Sontarans, so he was unfamiliar with them. It takes place during Dalek Master Plan, so Steven and Sara are there.

Two: Lords of the Red Planet! It's a good Ice Warrior origin story and has Jamie and Zoe in it. :)

Three: Terror of the Master. I had pre-ordered it as soon as I heard about it. Three....Delgado Master....what more do you want from an audio? It's narrated by Jon Culshaw.

Four: The Wrath of the Iceni. It was a brilliant historical with Four and Leela and Boudica. Leela gets quite a lesson in this one, first being mad at Four for not helping Boudica and then at Boudica for being cruel.

Okay now we are getting into my favorite Doctors (5-8), so these decisions are going to get difficult.

Five: The Kingmaker! Shakespeare spikes Five's drink to get him absolutely wasted to sneak on the TARDIS, the TARDIS gets hiccups as a result, leading to Peri and Erimem being separated from the Doctor. Shenanigans ensue.

Six: Doctor Who and the Pirates. Six and Evelyn have a really meaningful discussion with one of her depressed students. The third part is a musical!

Seven: The Shadow of the Scourge. Benny Ace and Seven against 8th dimensional eldritch abominations. Seven gets turned into one of these insectoids, and body horror ensues.

Eight: Oh dear I can't choose. At the moment, probably the Great War from Dark Eyes 1. Eight meets Molly and is still grieving here. He is very much doomed by the narrative.

War: The Neverwhen. Lots of the War Doctor is good if you like Time War horror, but this one has a lot of time-as-a-weapon and is well written.

Nine: Battle Scars. A nice short story about that one family Nine saved from the Titanic mentioned in the episode Rose. Has a really fantastic girl in it and a Nine dripping in PTSD.

Ten: The Time Reaver. Ten and Donna! There's this gun that basically slows down time for a single person, so that a few minutes for everyone else is centuries for them. Ten is a self sacrificing dope.

Eleven: The Geronimo boxset is the best in my opinion, but I haven't been able to listen to many of these yet.

Twelve: Another one I haven't managed to buy a lot of yet, but Dead Media is amazing. It's written to sound like a podcast with adverts and everything and is set during his time at St. Luke's. And I cried at the end.

Anyway, I'll shut up now. This was so much fun! Thank you!

[fwoopersongs]

[Book Rec + Reaction/Thoughts] The Lantern and the Night Moths 灯与夜蛾 by Yilin Wang

An anthology of translated poems by five modern or contemporary poets and accompanying essays by the translator, @yilinwriter.

You can find the pronunciation guide and list of corrections here!

The cover art, a beautiful expression of the tone of this collection, is by Taiwanese artist Ciaoyin (check out her gorgeous insta!). I'm looking forward to the arrival of the physical book as my tab absolutely does not do it justice xD

Anyway! The official release date is 02 April 2024 though there have been some very thoughtful reviews by early readers already. Here, here, here and here.

(It was an ARC that I received too… though in the time it took to put this together, the ebooks have already gone out to readers >.< typical snail yj!) 

Instead, I’ll tell you who I think would be interested in this book or might benefit from reading it, then share things that are cool about it from the perspective of a bilingual hobbyist translator + lover of ancient poetry and lyrics.

Who should read it?

If annotations, translator’s notes and reflections spark joy for you...

If you’ve ever read poetry translations and been intensely curious about what goes on under the hood...

If you’re a translator yourself wanting to hear another voice...

Definitely check this out!

Also if you’re CN+EN bilingual and have ever read something in English that references Chinese terms and concepts etc. except ONLY in English, pinyin or wade-giles and been utterly frustrated by the ensuing guessing game (like me) Fear Not.

That will not be a problem here.

I really appreciate how Chinese words are used naturally where needed for concepts and quotes - they are also translated for those who can't read Chinese so no one is left out. It made this book of and about translation (and more) super comfortable to read! The solution is so simple, so direct, so rarely used that I am amused.

Oh, but do note that the Chinese characters are in simplified though!

The poems are organised by their writers who are listed here by order of birth year, not appearance in the book:

秋瑾 (Qiu Jin, 1875 to 1907)

废名 (Fei Ming. 1901 to 1967)

戴望舒 (Dai Wangshu, 1905 to 1950)

小西 (Xiao Xi, 1974 to _)

张巧慧 (Zhang Qiaohui, 1978 to _) 

Altogether, that covers nearly the last 150 years up to now. I’ve never really been into poetry by poets in such relatively recent times, in part because I’d been holding on to this stereotype of them spurning Classical Chinese and ancient poetry in the first half of the 20th century (not entirely true, as I came to realise xD). It made sense and was understandable, but felt sad.

Yet am I the target audience for this book?

Very much so.

In ways I didn’t think I would be too! It was so much fun to experience this both as a reader and a translator that I thought I’d share it here, where we are appreciating Chinese poetry together.

If you didn’t think you’d enjoy modern Chinese poetry, hey, give it a chance!

Oh yeah - on the way home a while back, I was talking to a friend about translation and was surprised to hear that her impression was that it ought to be a straightforward process. Like isn’t it a 1:1 conversion? At some point, ‘what’s the difference between something google translate might return, and how you would say it?’ was asked, and oh that was a delightful question to my ears! I showed her one of my comparison sheets where an original text is laid out alongside multiple translations line-by-line, briefly explaining some common and unique choices and how the people who had translated those probably arrived at the various interpretations. She was pretty amazed to see that the answer to her question was: very different. Hey, it’s a complicated process!

But there’s only so much one can explain in the space of a train ride. That’s why The Lantern and the Night Moths is a book I would also rec to someone like this friend of mine - open minded and curious but never having the chance to think about or encounter the craft of translation.

Like Yilin says, ‘the meaning of a word cannot be fully expressed in one single translation, nor through a series of translation attempts’. She then explains why with great attention to detail and some solid examples from one of the poems with word choices loaded with subtle connotations :D

What's interesting about it?

Okay, for one, Yilin shared a playlist of music that she listened to while working on this book. Here is the link to the spotify one and the one on youtube. Check them out! They sure put me in the mood to read xD (favs: 别知己, 小神仙 & 去有風的地方) Afterwards, this made so much sense like - ah! an audio moodboard.

She's also putting together these adorable mini profiles of each poet along with a cmedia and tea rec to match their vibes. Go see them on her instagram xD

Now to business...

structure

What really helped keep the reader’s focus was the way each section is organized, how the poems and accompanying essay were presented and finally the short bio of each person right at the end. 

The poets are first introduced through five or six of their poems, works well suited to this purpose. Their voices, distinct through the vision, ambition and emotion of their words, are brought across by Yilin’s sensitive, thoughtful and poetic translations into English. These translations were also creative and transformative in a way that made so much sense after reading one of her reflections on the process, how she ‘must guide it with gentle hands to ensure its spirit is kept alive and intact during this transformative, and often excruciating process’. A rebirth into another language!

Personally, I’ve come to think of reading translations as looking at a work through another’s eyes. So it’s delightful when the translator’s presence is discernible, and even more so when the reader is given insight into their intention and process via commentary. 

Yilin’s essays coupled with the poets’ bios at the end provide a means to go back and appreciate their works in context of their circumstance and inspirations. Similarly, to read the translations with a changed perspective.

I don’t know how much of a thing this is with translated poetry anthologies in English - can count the number I’ve read with both hands lol, and they’re all of the ancient chinese poetry variety - but I really like this design.

drawing on poets who came before them

Remember how we’re always recognizing traces of inspiration from ancient works (to them) in poetry of the various dynasties? 李商隐 Li Shangyin of Tang for example, was influenced by 楚辞 Verses of Chu and folklore and mythology such as that in 山海经 Classic of Mountains and Seas, 李白 Li Bai frequently references poets and history of the 魏晋 Wei-Jin era, and 王维 Wang Wei was clearly familiar with Buddhist scriptures which were translations themselves! 

Just like the late Táng poets whom he praised for boldly deviating from the voices before them, Fei Ming used popular references and tropey shorthands ‘in contexts utterly different from the original, reimagining them anew’. Dai Wangshu, too, ‘boldly re-envisioned what modern poetry could look like by revisiting the classics’. In fact, in his very relatable ‘To Answer the Visitor with Classical Imagery’, I see Li Bai’s 春夜宴桃李园序, Qu Yuan’s 离骚 and lots of - as the title says - classical imagery, as if pulling out painting after painting to describe a feeling.

And Dai Wangshu’s faith in the translatability of poetry, that ‘poetry isn’t what is lost in translation, but rather, what survives it’ reminds me of what a friend, @xiakeponz, said that I agree with so much - because readers can ‘experience something in their own individual way through (your) shared humanity rather than language alone’.

poetic tradition and beyond

Between the lines of contemporary poets Zhang Qiaohui and Xiao Xi, I can really see the charm of plain vernacular, how it can be beautiful, incisive and clever in turns. Even as it seems to have moved further than ever from the structure and language of literary Chinese, the themes that inspired common motifs remain a part of life. Mother and divinity, homesickness, finding oneself, tributes to admirable spirits and the issues that trouble society - just in a new form and with different ways of expression.

Qiu Jin

So many FEELINGS about what Qiu Jin was doing - ‘I awaken the spirits of women, hundreds of flowers, abloom’. I would love if she could see the world now. So many things for her to rouse and fight against, but at the same time just as many to be proud of. I am so in awe of her, but now hearing her loneliness and struggle there is a soft spot in my heart for those too. 

conclusion

So so so…

Qiu Jin’s admirable fire and lonely resolve. Zhang Qiaohui’s precious ability to express beauty in the mundane and in pain. Fei Ming’s utter delight! He is having so much fun and when* I’m vibing, I feel it too. Xiao Xi’s critical eye and keen observation of the world. Dai Wangshu’s whimsical charm and passion for translation. Finally, Yilin Wang, the connecting thread wound through them all, bringing them together so that we may be acquainted. 

*Reading his poetry is like unwrapping a seamless, many layered present. A gift that keeps giving - if only you have a key 😅 Fortunately, Yilin has halved our struggle 🤣

I’ve had such a great time with them all. And if you come, I hope you will too!

[mybeingthere]

Travelling Tales

Kalīlah wa-Dimnah and the Animal Fable

By Marina Warner

Influencing numerous later animal tales told around the world, the 8th-century Arabic fables of Ibn al-Muqaffaʿ’s Kalīlah wa-Dimnah also inspired a rich visual tradition of illustration: jackals on trial, airborne turtles, and unlikely alliances between species. Marina Warner follows these stories as they wander and change across time and place, celebrating their sharp political observation and stimulating mix of humour, earnesty, and melancholy.

Kalīlah and Dimnah are two jackals, wily and ambitious, one virtuous and the other rather less so, who give their names to the eponymous cycle of animal fables in Arabic that is framed by the stories of their friendship, adventures, and mishaps.1 The collection bears a family likeness to Aesop’s Fables and to other classics of moral exempla, but the volumes vary one from one another and even when the stories coincide, they aren’t identical. They share certain generic features: animal protagonists above all (lions, wolves, monkeys, asses, mice, magpies); a narrative of braided tales passing between speakers, often imbricating one story inside the other; and a prevailing tone of tragi-comic moralising coupled with world-weary wisdom about the folly and the treachery of humans.

Most of all, the story of the two jackals Kalīlah and Dimnah, and the tales told in the course of their adventures, are travelling tales, which have been travelling for a long while, migrating from language to language, culture to culture, religion to religion. The Arabic stories’ rich history ranges from Benares to Baghdad and Basra and Rome and beyond, appearing in numerous iterations over centuries, moving across borders, carrying the sparkling hope and mordant cynicism, the canniness and the wit of a form of wisdom literature that originated in the Sanskrit Panchatantra (The Five Books, or Five Discourses) and the Mahabharata, sometime in the second century BCE. Two significant branches grew from this trunk: first, a collection often attributed to a legendary Indian sage, known as Bidpay or Pilpay, and second, the Arabic branch, beginning in the eighth century with the work of the scholar Ibn al-Muqaffa‘ (d. 139/757), who translated and compiled Kalīlah wa-Dimnah. Ibn al-Muqaffa‘ worked from a lost Pehlevi (Middle Persian) composition by a writer called Barzahwayh, which he treated freely, mixing into the Panchatantra’s original fables four more tales, and a highly circumstantial and persuasive explanation of how the manuscript was obtained; he also added a crucial dramatic chapter about Dimnah’s trial, self-defence, and ultimate punishment.

Read the whole essay https://publicdomainreview.org/essay/travelling-tales/

[jtownraindancer]

top 5 burn characters go

Good gods Anon this is evil. Only five!??? 😭💕

I spent like three days trying to make up my mind on this, and I'm still not satisfied, but as of the moment, in no particular order:

The Best Boys

Mr. William Guppy of Kenge & Carboy, Bleak House

He's awkward, he's manipulative, he has no real social skills to speak of, and he's in love. I actually really disliked this character when I first read the book circa 2011, but as Burn seems wont to do, I ended up being completely won over in the end. ^_^; His Guppy is expressive, less a comic relief and almost sympathetic. I mentioned in a conversation with @synthapostate about how Guppy is technically an antagonist, but he's played in such a way that you really can't see it (unlike the book). Also the camera is half in love with Burn this entire series, and it makes it very, very easy to fall in love with this dorky, curly-haired puppy of a man.

Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, Pacific Rim & Pacific Rim: Uprising

I could write sonnets about Hermann for how much I've come to love him. 😅 He's one of the Characters of All Time for me. From his passion, his stubborn resilience, and his sharp humor, to his unwavering loyalty for those he cares for and his ability to care so deeply, how could I not irrevocably fall for him? (Also singlehandedly the cause of the 2023 Burn Binge.) Hermann found his way into my heart from the very beginning, but I never realized how at home he had made himself until the day I turned around and he was patiently waiting for me to see him. I think I fell for him and Newt in the same fell swoop, and my love for both of them is unwavering.

Dr. Owen Harper, Torchwood

I've been in love with this bastard since 2013; I've been repressing that adoration for 10 years. I- I don't really remember the exact moment that my opinion of Owen shifted from extreme dislike to him carving a permanent place in my very being, but there it is. He's sarcastic, an incorrigible flirt, and has one of the biggest, kindest hearts I've ever come across in fiction. At the time, I was pre-Med, and I aspired to be half as compassionate a doctor as him. After Exit Wounds, I gave up Torchwood (I couldn't, not with Tosh gone too.), but I've slowly been dipping my toes back in via Burn's reading of some of the books & the Big Finish audios. It's been 10 years, yet I think I'm more in love with this bastard than I ever was before. (And okay, I admit, he might be my favorite-favorite ^_^;)

Sgt. Detective William Blore, And Then There Were None

Bill, Bill, Bill... He's a crooked cop, he's tired of everyone's nonsense, he's filled with regret, he's probably gay. Detective Blore is yet another classic lit character that I first met back in the late 20-aughts, early 2010s who I really didn't care for. Then 2023 rolls around, and not only did I come to love him in this adaptation, but I've ended up going on an Agatha Christie bender because of it. Burn made me... well love would be too strong a word, but I definitely rank Blore as "a poor little meow meow."

Major Edmund Hewlett, TURN

How could this list be at all complete without including my beloved major? (Just picking a gif for this made me realise how badly I've missed him. 🥺) Edmund is... How do I explain how much I adore this guy? How do I possibly pin down the levels of pride I have in his journey, in his growth, explain the way my heart aches at the twists and turns that will tear him apart and build him back even stronger? How do I possibly do justice in conveying how damn aspirational he is, how merciful, how delightful? I can't, really. He's a force of nature that one must experience for themselves. (And I need to resume my rewatch methinks~)

Runner-Ups

(or the characters who have been spinning in my brain nonstop like rotisserie chickens and absolutely deserve mention)

Ben Jarvis, Cheat

I... I have entire essays I want to write about this guy. I have theories I want to discuss, but as most of them are... I can't. Yet. Maybe soon? I- Anyway. Ben was a huge surprise, and definitely nowhere close to what I was expecting when I finally got around to watching this show. I would be lying to say it wasn't a pleasant surprise, and I absolutely love how Burn was able to do a lot of solo work this series, with a lot of focus on body language and his uncanny knack for killer expressions.

Jacko Argyle, Ordeal By Innocence

This... This beautiful little shit ♡ One of the first Burn movies I actively chose to seek out, my second in his Agatha Christie adaptations, and my first dive into gif making. And Jacko-! Oh, Jacko... You stole my heart then broke it in only a few, few precious moments of screentime and backstory. He haunts the entire film, he haunts me still, and I'm so glad I had the chance to meet him.

Martin, Up There

(Oh look yet another one of my gifs 😅)

Martin is absolutely one of my favourite characters, especially for his absolute growth during the film. He crawls out of his downward spiral, he finds himself again, and ultimately discovers that there can be life after death. He just- He's grumpy, he's beautifully sarcastic, he's depressed, he's loved, and he just- Seriously I love him. Martin feels like a friend who I haven't seen in an age, and it's always a good day to bump into him again.

Reverend Benedict Marley, Lark Rise to Candleford

I almost forgot my favourite clergyman??? D:

Benedict Marley came into my life just to shake my very foundations, send me on an existential journey of self discovery, and waited for me at the end of it all with a soft smile and encouraging words. He only had one episode in the show, but his story was so easily woven and understood, his humility humbled me, and in ways that make me almost afraid to admit aloud- I felt seen in a way that I ever so rarely am. I connected to him; I understand him. He has depths that I could hardly explain in a single paragraph, but I can say that- out of all these characters- my feelings are birthed more out of a very deep respect and admiration.

I can't say this list will stay the same- I'm far from through with Burn's portfolio- but for his on-screen roles, these guys firmly remain top-tier for me. :)

(If you'd like to hear about his voice work instead, please let me know; I could go on for Hours about some of those lads. ♡)

Thanks for the ask Anon, and if you haven't seen any of these yet, I definitely recommend them!

[beyourselfchulanmaria]

Six Facts About Henry David Thoreau's Walden

By Matt Reimann. Aug 9, 2016.

On August 9, 1854, Henry David Thoreau published his book, Walden; or, Life in the Woods. It narrates—with an ample serving of artistic intervention—its author’s experiment to live divorced from society, in an effort to uncover better ways of living. “I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life,” he writes in a manifesto-like paragraph of Walden, “to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms.” Even in such a brief passage, one can observe the rapturous prose and vigor of perception that Thoreau imbues his writing with. Let’s take the book’s anniversary as occasion to reflect on a few details you might not know about this transcendentalist classic.

It was published under one of history’s least inventive pseudonyms

Henry David Thoreau was actually born David Henry Thoreau. See the distinction? It’s not certain why the name-change made much of a difference to him, and all we’re left to do is make inferences based on character. (Perhaps his priority for self-reliance compelled him to have control over his name, but that, like anything, is guesswork.)

The land was owned by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thoreau’s friend and mentor owned the woodland on Walden Pond where the author was to live and write for over two years. The pair arranged a sort of friendly trade: Thoreau was permitted to build his house on the property, and Emerson was repaid by Thoreau’s labor in efforts like clearing the land. Thoreau, who was not financially well-off at the time, benefited from the aid of friends and family during his tenure at Walden Pond.

Thoreau wasn’t exactly “roughing it”

As is a favorite point of Thoreau’s critics, the wild life he lived was rather tame. His mother famously helped him out with laundry and food over the two years, and he had guests over regularly. And the land itself was not the rugged frontier. “In reality,” writes Kathryn Schulz in the New Yorker, “Walden Pond in 1845 was scarcely more off the grid, relative to contemporaneous society, than Prospect Park is today. The commuter train to Boston ran along its southwest side; in summer the place swarmed with picnickers and swimmers, while in winter it was frequented by ice cutters and skaters.” She adds that it would take Thoreau but twenty minutes to walk from his cabin to his family home, were we to confuse the writer with Robinson Crusoe.

Writing the book took longer than his stay at the cabin

In the book, Thoreau presents the narrative within the time frame of a year. His actual stay, however, was a little over two years and two months. It took nearly ten years to write and to publish Walden, which was written and still reads like a collection of essays, on subjects as varying as “Economy,” “Sounds,” and working in a bean field.

Walden was published to a mild reception.

The book had a print run of 2,000 copies, which took five years to sell out. His friends, like Emerson, advocated for his work, which helped his book become the classic it is today. While not impressive, such a sales figure was by no means unusual in the American nineteenth century, which had a way of being rather unreliable to the writer. By comparison, Leaves of Grass’ first print run sold only about 795 copies, while great writers like Herman Melville died with heavy debts and little acclaim.

Its author is having a hot moment right now

Spurred by an anti-Thoreau essay* in the New Yorker about nine months back, the author of Walden has been having his legacy and reputation vigorously argued over. Kathryn Shulz, writer of the New Yorker piece, considers Thoreau’s writing adolescent, misanthropic, presumptuous, and selfish. She frames her argument like a voice of radical dissent, but readers have been leveling against Thoreau’s value for a while. It was Garrison Keillor who said Thoreau was:

A sorehead and loner whose clunky line about marching to your own drummer has found its way into a million graduation speeches. Thoreau tried to make a virtue out of lack of rhythm. He said that the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. Okay, but how did he know? He didn’t talk to that many people. He wrote elegantly about independence and forgot to thank his mom for doing his laundry.

Indeed, Thoreau’s legacy is not at its strongest. His name is eroding from classroom syllabi, and while his influences encompass the likes of Tolstoy, Proust, and Dickinson, his partisans seem much rarer today.

Many, such as Donovan Hohn**, argue that we have gone far enough in resisting and lampooning Thoreau. Instead, we should return to him (both sides, pro and contra, agree that Thoreau is sooner evaluated than read) and appreciate his first-rate prose, his questions about a life well-lived, and his reflections on nature and the environment, which in the era of climate change, are as vital to us now as they have ever been.

[arokel]

10 questions for 10 writers

thank you so much for the tag @strangethings-everywhere ! secretly I've always wanted to do one of these

1. Is writing a hobby or a way of life?

Way of life for sure; I'm basically never not thinking about it. I start to feel awful and purposeless if I go too long without writing at least something.

2. A journal full of notes or a clean completed manuscript?

Clean completed manuscript, unfortunately. I wish I could be less persnickety about my first drafts but so far that hasn't happened. I do sometimes make extensive outlines though and those are always by hand, but they're usually pretty clean too :/ no scribbly scribbly for me

3. Who or what inspired your writing?

I've been writing since I was five years old and telling stories since I could talk, so I guess I'll say that when I was first reading chapter books I asked my parents why books always have a few blank pages at the end and they said it was so you had space to continue the story yourself if you wanted. They made it up on the spot and they don't remember saying it at all, but it's always stuck with me.

4. Which is worse: Someone you ‘idolize’ reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

Listening to me sing, 100%. I post my barely-edited first drafts on ao3 all the time lmao. But I also feel like with a first draft it's easy to say hey this is a first draft, if there's stuff you don't like I'm happy to hear criticism! Whereas with singing, that's just your voice. You can practice the song but at some point whether they like it or not just comes down to something about you that you can't change. (Although I am a hashtag classically trained singer so my feelings of needing to live up to that might not be universal.) (Don't ask me to sing opera for you because I don't actually like opera.)

5. Has writing from someone else’s POV changed your perspective?

I think most of the perspective changes that have come out of stories have been from reading for me? Like the first time I was really exposed to the idea of transness was a Harry Potter fic (suck on that, JKR) and that obviously really stuck with me. But I think the desire to write from queer povs really helped me come to terms with my own sexuality, maybe more than actually doing it. I guess writing narrative essays, which I do less frequently than straight up fiction, is usually a way for me to explore things I feel about myself and about the world.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

AO3 foreverrrrrrr. I was on ffn in my misspent youth and Very briefly on lj, but ao3 has been my home since 2014 and it would take a lot to get me to move.

7. AO3 word count? And are you satisfied with it?

646,046, and soon enough it'll jump another 100,000. Honestly not sure how I feel about that.

8. What movie/book gripped you irrevocably?

I will never not love Tamora Pierce's Tortall series. I know they're kind of dated and don't hold up in some places, but they've been in my bloodstream so long that they're basically a part of my understanding of the world. They shaped so much of my ideas on literature - how to create compelling characters and relationships, what makes a world believable, what fantasy even is - and honestly I think they're responsible for about 50% of my sense of humor and at least a quarter of my relationship to gender. They were my first fandom and in the end I'll always come back to them.

9. What’s the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

One of my plays deals with a very difficult emotional subject and is quite frankly pretty depressing the whole way through, and after the premiere a friend of mine came up to me and said "it was so so funny; I was laughing the entire time." That's what I always want my writing to do, not so much in fic but out in the world - I want to give people catharsis, and I hope they leave the reading or viewing experience feeling a little better than they did going in. And also I want people to laugh at my jokes.

10. What defines your writing style?

Can I say inconsistency? No but really it's definitely dialogue. I struggle with descriptive prose sometimes, but I never have to work at dialogue. I think it's my strongest area and people always tell me it's snappy (thank you Tamora Pierce). Other than that uhh... too many commas probably.

tagging @violasmirabiles @fregata-magnificens @kjxlll @borealopelta @uwu-dowoon @teaforarteza @icegreyrose @shadowquill17 @ris-d-deridex and using my 10th tag for anyone else who wants to participate!

[camisoledadparis]

THIS DAY IN GAY HISTORY

based on: The White Crane Institute's 'Gay Wisdom', Gay Birthdays, Gay For Today, Famous GLBT, glbt-Gay Encylopedia, Today in Gay History, Wikipedia, and more … October 27

1930 – Larry Townsend (d.2008) was the pseudonymous author (né 'Bud' Bernhardt) of dozens of books including Run Little Leather Boy (1970) and The Leatherman's Handbook (1972) at pioneer erotic presses such as Greenleaf Classics and the Other Traveler imprint of Olympia Press.

Growing up as a teenager of Swiss-German extraction in Los Angeles a few houses from Noël Coward and Irene Dunne, he ate cookies with his neighbor Laura Hope Crews who was Aunt Pittypat in Gone with the Wind.

He attended the prestigious Peddie School, and was stationed as Staff Sergeant in charge of NCOIC Operations of Air Intelligence Squadrons for nearly five years with the US Air Force in Germany (1950-1954).

Completing his tour of duty, he entered into the 1950s underground of the then small LA leather scene where he and Montgomery Clift shared a lover.

With his degree in industrial psychology from UCLA (1957), he worked in the private sector and as a probation officer with the Forestry Service.

He began his pioneering activism in the politics of homophile liberation in the early 1960s. In 1972, as president of the 'Homophile Effort for Legal Protection' which had been founded in 1969 to defend gays during and after arrests, he led a group in founding the H.E.L.P. Newsletter, the forebear of Drummer Magazine (1975). He lived in the Silver Lake neighborhood of Los Angeles, the center of the Los Angeles leather scene (the equivalent of the SoMa neighborhood in San Francisco).

As a writer and photographer, he was an essential eyewitness to the drama and following around Drummer in which his novels were often excerpted. His signature "Leather Notebook" column appeared in Drummer for twelve years beginning in 1980, and continued in Honcho to Spring 2008. His last novel, TimeMasters, was published April 2008. His last writing was Who Lit up the Lit of the Golden Age of Drummer, an introduction to Gay San Francisco: Eyewitness Drummer (June 2008).

His partner of 44 years, Fred Yerkes, died in 2006 and Townsend followed in 2008.

1950 – Fran Lebowitz is an American author. Lebowitz is known for her sardonic social commentary on American life as filtered through her New York sensibilities. Some reviewers have called her a modern-day Dorothy Parker.

Lebowitz was born and raised in Morristown, New Jersey, in an "observant" Jewish family. After being expelled from high school and receiving a GED, Lebowitz worked many odd jobs before being hired by Andy Warhol as a columnist for Interview. This was followed by a stint at Mademoiselle. Her first book was a collection of essays titled Metropolitan Life, released in 1978, followed by Social Studies in 1981, both of which are collected (with a new introductory essay) in The Fran Lebowitz Reader.

In her writings she talks about gender, race and gay rights as well as her favorite pet peeves: celebrity culture, smoking bans, tourists and strollers. Lebowitz, herself a heavy smoker, is known for her advocacy of smokers' rights. But despite her openness about being a lesbian, she doesn't address her private life.

She has been famous, in part, for Exterior Signs of Wealth, a long-overdue, unfinished novel, purportedly about rich people who want to be artists, and artists who want to be rich. She also made several appearances on Late Night with David Letterman. She has made recurring appearances as Judge Janice Goldberg on the television drama Law & Order.

Fran Lebowitz on being gay:

Do you think gay marriage is progress? Are you kidding me? This was one of the good things about being gay. I am stunned that the two greatest desires apparently of people involved in the gay rights movement are gay marriage and gays on the military. Really? To me these are the the two most confining institutions on the planet: people used to pretend to be gay to get out of going into the army. ***** When I arrived in New York in 1969, gay bars were illegal, in back rooms, but you could smoke in them. Now gay bars have plate-glass windows, they have valet parking, people sit in the windows, but you have to go outside to smoke.

1951 – (William) Bill N. Eskridge Jr., born in Princeton, West Virginia, is the John A. Garver Professor of Jurisprudence at Yale Law School. He is one of the most cited law professors in America, ranking sixth overall for the period 2010-2014. He writes primarily on constitutional law, legislation and statutory interpretation, religion, marriage equality, and LGBT rights.

Between 1990 and 1995, Eskridge represented a gay couple seeking a marriage license in Washington, D.C. Like all the other early same-sex marriage cases, this one did not prevail, but for the first time in American history, one judge, John Ferren of the D.C. Court of Appeals, wrote an opinion finding discrimination against same-sex couples to be unconstitutional. Writing in dissent, Judge Ferren was the only judge to agree with Eskridge. The next year, in 1996, a Hawaii trial judge would agree with Eskridge in the case Baeher v. Miike.

In 1996, Eskridge wrote his pathfinding book "The Case for Same-Sex Marriage", which argued that marriage discrimination against LGBT couples violated both their fundamental right to marry and their equal protection right to be free of invidious state discrimination. The book was reviled at the time, with West Virginia U.S. Senator Robert Byrd quoting extensively from it in his speech supporting the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996, an overwhelming, bipartisan rebuke to the marriage movement.

Ultimately, many state courts and the U.S. Supreme Court adopted these arguments in favor of gay marriage.

At the same time he was working on marriage rights for LGBT persons, Eskridge was working with Georgetown law professor Nan Hunter on teaching materials for a field they dubbed "Sexuality, Gender, and the Law."Emerging from his work with Hunter, Eskridge published a series of articles on sodomy laws and other discriminatory laws harming gender and sexual minorities. An amicus brief he wrote for the Cato Institute and a law review article titled "Hardwick and Historiography" were cited by the majority opinion in Lawrence v. Texas (2003), where the Supreme Court invalidated consensual sodomy laws. Eskridge wrote an authoritative history of the decline and fall of sodomy laws in "Dishonorable Passions: Sodomy Laws in America, 1861-2003".

1951 – On this date the French postal service issued postage stamps with Gay lovers Paul Verlaine and Arthur Rimbaud. Rimbaud and Verlaine began a short and torrid affair when Rimbaud was 16 years old. They led a wild, vagabond-like life spiced by absinthe and hashish. Ten years older than Rimbaud, Verlaine abandoned his wife and child and fled to London with Rimbaud. Their love affair was made into a movie "Total Eclipse" featuring Leobardo diCaprio as the young Arthur Rimbaud.

1957 – Peter Marc Jacobson is an American television writer, director and producer, and actor. He is best known as the co-creator of the popular sitcom The Nanny, which he created and wrote with his then wife actress Fran Drescher, who was the star of the series.

Jacobson and Fran Drescher married in 1978, when both were 21 years old. They moved to Los Angeles to launch their careers. In January 1985, two armed robbers broke into Drescher and Jacobson's Los Angeles apartment, where Jacobson was assaulted and forced to watch his wife's rape.

Jacobson and Drescher divorced in 1999, after being separated for a number of years. The couple had no children. He came out as gay to her after their marriage ended. The couple developed the 2011 television series Happily Divorced for TV Land based on their lives.

1971 – Today the film "Some of My Best Friends Are..." was released with the description: "It's Christmas Eve 1971 in Manhattan's Greenwich Village and the regulars of the local gay bar "The Blue Jay" are celebrating. Not much has changed since Stonewall and its not all "Peace on Earth. Good Will to Men" but the times are a changin."

An American International production, the film was written and directed by Mervyn Nelson and starred Fannie Flagg, future Golden Girl Rue McClanahan, and Candy Darling in a rare dramatic role. Gary Sandy (of later "WKRP in Cincinnati" fame) portrays a drugged out, self-loathing closet case who attacks Darling's character and is kicked out of the club by the angered patrons. The film is now regularly shown at Gay film festivals as "The film you love to hate" but at the time it was thought of as a rare portrayal of life in gay bars of the era.

1992 – US Navy radioman Allen R. Schindler, Jr. is brutally murdered by shipmates for being Gay, precipitating first military, then national debate about Gays in the military that resulted in the United States "Don't ask, don't tell" military policy.

Schindler was from a Navy family in Chicago Heights, Illinois and was serving as a radioman on the amphibious assault ship USS Belleau Wood in Sasebo, Japan. According to friends of his, Schindler had complained repeatedly of anti-Gay harassment to his chain of command in March and April 1992, citing incidents such as the gluing-shut of his locker and frequent comments from shipmates like "There's a faggot on this ship and he should die."

While on transport from San Diego to Sasebo, Japan, The Belleu Wood made a brief stop in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. Afterwards en route to Japan, Schindler made a personal prank announcement "2-Q-T-2-B-S-T-R-8" on secured lines reaching much of the Pacific Fleet. When he was brought before the disciplinary "captain's mast" for the unauthorized radio message. Schindler requested the hearing be closed. It was open, with two to three hundred people in attendance. Schindler was put on restrictive leave, unable to leave the ship until a few months after arriving to Sasebo and four days before his death.

The captain had been visited by Schindler, who had many times requested to be transferred to another location because he was being threatened by other shipmates for being Gay. The captain denied Schindler's request and kept the man's sexual orientation and his death a secret for months. It was not reported until a special team composed of a psychologist, two lawyers, a counselor, and a corpsman from Yokosuka incidentally met at a bar in Sasebo.

Airman Apprentice Terry M. Helvey who was a member of the Ship's weather department stomped Schindler to death in a toilet in a park in Sasebo, Nagasaki. Schindler had "at least four fatal injuries to the head, chest, and abdomen," his head was crushed, ribs broken, and his penis cut, and he had "sneaker-tread marks stamped on his forehead and chest" destroying "every organ in his body" leaving behind a "nearly-unrecognizable corpse." Schindler was left lying on the bathroom floor until the Shore Patrol and the key witness to the incident (Jonathan W.) carried out Schindler's body to the nearby Albuquerque Bridge. Jonathan W. witnessed the murder while using the restroom. He noticed Helvey jumping on Schindler's body while singing, and blood gushing from Schindler's mouth while he attempted to breathe. The key witness was requested to explain in detail to the military court what the crime scene looked like, but would not because Schindler's mother and sister were present in the courtroom.

After the trial, Helvey was convicted of murder and the captain who kept the incident quiet was demoted and transferred to Florida. Helvey is now serving a life sentence in the military prison at the United States Disciplinary Barracks, although by statute, he is granted a clemency hearing every year. Helvey's accomplice, Charles Vins, was allowed to plea bargain as guilty to three lesser offenses, including failure to report a serious crime, and to testify truthfully against Terry Helvey and served a 78-day sentence before receiving a general discharge from the Navy.

Canadian Military in 2008 Toronto Pride Parade

1992 – A Canadian High Court rules that a policy barring homosexuals from the Canadian military violates the country's Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Military officials said they would fully comply with the federal court decision. "Canadians, regardless of the sexual orientation, will now be able to serve their country in the Canadian Forces without restriction, free from harassment and discrimination," Gen. John de Chastelain said in a statement.

The court issued its ruling on Oct. 27. The case involved Michelle Douglas, a lesbian who was forced to leave the Air Force in 1989. Her challenge was one of five raised by homosexuals over military policies that barred recruiting and also promotion of those already in the services.

Prior to that, due to the the CF Reorganization Act (C-90) of IMay 1967, the Canadian Forces issued Canadian Forces Administrative Order (CFAO) 19-20, Sexual Deviation - Investigation, Medical Investigation and Disposal, which required members of the military suspected of being homosexual to be investigated and then subsequently released.

Consequently, LGBT policy in the Canadian military has changed in the course of the 20th century from being socially repressive to being socially accepted.

In 2004, Jason Stewart was the first member of Canada's military to marry a same-sex partner. In May 2005, Canada's first military gay wedding took place at Nova Scotia's Canadian Forces Base Greenwood. Officials described the ceremony as low-key but touching. Today, the Canadian Forces recognizes same-sex marital and common-law unions, and affords them the same benefits offered to all married or common-law serving members.

During the Divers-Cite Pride parades 1999-2002 in Montreal, a military member and an ex-military member held the banner of the informal grouping MGL, dissolved in 2004 due to the lack of participation of the military community LGBT. During the 2006 Halifax Pride parade, one member of the Canadian Forces marched in the parade, helping to carry the large pride flag. In the 2008 Toronto Pride parade, ten members of the Canadian Forces marched for the first time as a group. One month later, twelve gay and straight members of the Canadian Forces marched in Vancouver's Pride Parade. Lt(N) Steven Churm said, "The message to the public is that the Canadian Forces is an employer of choice."

1999 – During the primaries, the two Democratic presidential candidates Al Gore and Bill Bradley promised that if elected they would do everything in their power to ensure equal rights for Gay and Lesbian Americans. The promise was an unprecedented declaration by a candidate for a party's nomination. George W. Bush would win the presidential election promising the absolute opposite position on equal rights for Gay and Lesbian Americans and became the first president to publicly call for a constitutional amendment to explicitly take away rights from a class of people - Gay people.

2007 – Two 16 year-old boyfriends in Davis, California were elected Homecoming "Princes" after a successful write-in campaign at Davis Senior High School. With each boasting a white sash declaring his title as "Prince," the two 16-year-olds, Brandon Raphael and Kiernon Gatewood, rode through the city of Davis in the school's annual homecoming parade.

Said Gatewood, "We were a little surprised, but Davis ..."

Raphael, Gatewood's boyfriend, finished the sentence, "Is a liberal town."

Added Raphael, "Go 10 miles in any other direction and you'll get some other feeling."

[mercerislandbooks]

A Pleasing Terror

Brad is taking over the blog today, sharing his passion for horror and his lovingly crafted Haunted Bookshelf (all his own original artwork!) — Lori

Brad: Each October, as the air turns crisp and the nights grow longer, I share my love of ghost stories with our customers by adorning one of our display tables with spooky artwork and spookier tomes. I call it The Haunted Bookshelf. Cue howling wind and clanking chains!

I can trace my love of horror and Halloween to my years growing up in suburban New Jersey. In the early 1970s New York’s WPIX broadcast a program called Chiller Theatre, a repackaging of 30s, 40s, and 50s horror movies hosted by Zacherley. To this day I can remember the thrill of terror I felt watching a floating skeleton back actress Carol Ohmart into a pool of acid in The House on Haunted Hill. I was so freaked out that I had nightmares for weeks. I couldn’t wait to see more. And, while I loved the Frankenstein monster, the Wolf Man, and the Mummy, it was haunted houses that I looked forward to visiting most.

Unfortunately, the majority of haunted house movies are cheats, with the “ghosts” exposed as conniving relatives, greedy prospectors, or bumbling bank robbers by film’s end. Even my beloved floating skeleton is revealed to be a surprisingly complicated puppet, manipulated and voiced by Vincent Price. Eventually I discovered that the authentic haunted houses I craved were found in books. I’m sure my horror library started with Stephen King, but soon I was adding H.P. Lovecraft, Shirley Jackson, and many more.

Let us begin with arguably the 20th century’s finest ghost story writer, Montague Rhodes James. Between 1904 and 1925, James penned 4 slim books of ghost stories which have been collected in two annotated volumes, Count Magnus and other Ghost Stories and A Haunted Doll’s House and Other Ghost Stories. The first time I read “Oh, Whistle, and I Will Come to You, My Lad”, I got actual goose bumps when the specter made its startling appearance. Unlike the subtle haunts in tales by Henry James and Edith Wharton, M.R. James’ ghostly manifestations manifest! Often horribly. As the author himself remarked, in the essay “Ghosts—Treat Them Gently!”:

...our ghost should make himself felt by gradual stirrings diffusing an atmosphere of uneasiness before the final flash or stab of horror. Must there be horror? You ask. I think so.

Agreed!

Carmilla is the classic lesbian vampire story, written by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu in 1871 and responsible for as many imitations as there are stars in the night sky above the heroine’s gothic Austrian schloss. However, the 2019 Lanternfish Press edition is a different beast, with an introduction by novelist Carmen Maria Machado, restoring a disturbing backstory to this often-told tale. Or does it? I am hesitant to ruin the fun here, so I will just say that if the term Borgesian means anything to you then this edition belongs on your bookshelf next to the original text.

Finally, as we move back through literary time, we arrive at The Oceans of Cruelty: Twenty-Five Tales of a Corpse Spirit. In this ancient Hindi story, retold here by Douglas J. Penick, a hapless young king, in thrall to an evil sorcerer, must bear a corpse spirit on his back as the grotesque husk whispers stories into his ear. Not unlike Princess Scheherazade’s stories from The Thousand and One Nights, the corpse spirit’s tales are full of moral lessons, family dramas, and occasional horrors. Not only is this book charmingly weird, but Penick’s introduction, about the stories his mother read to him as a child, is wonderful.

So, thank you for visiting the Haunted Bookshelf, and as Zacherley would say: Goodnight Whatever You Are!

— Brad

[susandsnell]

You're so right about Katniss! Her feelings for Peeta always felt like obligation - because he was kind, because he loved her and he deserved to be loved back, because he was what she was supposed to want and she'd be crazy not to - and she had mad vibes with Joanna. (The Katniss thing is also why I hated all of the MCU Natasha ships with guys. She's my second pick after Nina for character I am convinced is a lesbian.)

Thank you so much for articulating all this and sending it my way because I've felt nuts for years reading it this way (+ it's a pleasure to hear from you)! And that's with Joniss as a relatively popular ship, lolol.

I won't deny that him saving her from starving and later all they did for one another during the Games isn't meaningful, but you put it perfectly; the text keeps telling us he deserved to be loved back, he's what she ought to want. It makes a point about why she doesn't owe Gale, but wholly kind of sells us on her owing Peeta. The text makes a point of how Katniss, very realistically, has hang-ups about debt, and how the nature of Panem's totalitarianism is such that all kind acts are viewed as transactional rather than genuine, but then completely undermines this by providing little to no meat to how Katniss' real feelings developed from the ones staged for the Games. It's one of those cases where even if the guy isn't a Nice Guy, there's textual Nice Guying going on lolol. (I do also acknowledge that these books were products of the aughts and queer characters in YA were almost nonexistent, but having recently read Moth Diaries from 2002 which actively engages with comphet, I'm feeling spoiled lol.)

Likewise, the having children thing is like -- I get it, people can change their minds and her not wanting to be a mother was a product of the dystopian society they subsequently rebuilt as well as her own experience of maternal neglect, but given what the real world has always been wrt reproductive rights and just in general treating female queerness/nonconformity as a "phase you'll outgrow"/"you'll find the right guy and want kids eventually", I don't think I'll ever not feel gross about a character who does not want kids eventually ~embracing motherhood~ lmao. It could happen, but when the characters are fictional and hence in the author's control...it feels like propaganda, especially coupled with her repeatedly stating she didn't want a husband. And the quote from the epilogue is literally "It took five, ten, fifteen years for me to agree. But Peeta wanted them so badly." Which. Ew.

Contrast with Johanna, where things felt a lot more organic, less based on a sense of debt and more on some classic rivalry tropes that evolved into a sweet balance between an organic camaraderie and Stupid Sexy Flanders (I mean, the elevator scene? Straight girls do not react like that! "Johanna's motivational insults" and the relationship shift?)

Anyhow, thanks again for the message and sorry for the mini-essay/rant this turned into, haha. I'd be mega interested to hear your MCU Natasha thoughts, though, since your Nina tags were so accurate! (Equally biased because she was an early sapphic crush for me, haha.)

[enneamage]

what are your favorite books? it can be from fiction to academic papers. i have the habit of consuming anything from people i deem smarter than me hahaha

I am so humiliatingly cooked when it comes to making it from one end of a book to the other. My brain has been marbles on a washing machine for most of my life, not full-send ADD (unless?) but somehow too sensitive to not have the experience of a solid not-my-own train of thought run through my mind without it feeling kind of uncomfortable. My only defense in this regard is an Einstein quote (say hello to uncle Albert everybody he’s a classic famous Five) “Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking” so peepaw said it’s okay to be a puzzler over being a reader. 

The truth is I think my scatteredness / trying to figure things out on the cusp and in real time has helped me get good more than one given book or paper did. A lot of modern internet stuff is emergent, and I like to map things out as they happen / as I read the raw material over going straight to an academic source that moves a lot slower and broader. I do read now, maybe more than ever since I’ve got a pile of e-books, but I jump between them too fast for me to be out here claiming favorites or big formative texts. I'm sure I am made of decades of text posts on the inside, held together with red conspiracy string.

There is one book that was technically a seed for me making sense of crowd-watching, and it’s Can We Survive Our Origins? which is a collection of essays tied to a theory about human behavior and purging-based community violence that I based my understanding of ‘cancel culture’/ general online scapegoating behaviors on. The thing is, it was a conversation about the book/theory with a person rather than the book itself, so if you make it from one end of the book to the other and read all of it you would be the first of the two of us.