#first two are days old i just kept procrastinating on posting them

[teastarfall]

ive been experimenting in my evil art lab again!! woohoo! yay! colour jumpscare!!!!1!1!1 BOO

[listleven]

A SUCCESS STORY FROM POWERFUL LITTLE ME

Heres a little wake up call. Before learning about the law I used to be so delusional. So far gone from reality like. Ignorance was fucking bliss I was manifesting crazy shit and when I realized this was the work of loa, I doom scrolled to educate myself on something I was already good at. Let me show you a glimpse of what I used to do.

When I was in middle school I had learned about manifesting. And I went about it in a strange way. I was a really good student up studying always made me a little crazy. School made me a little crazy. And I would pick myself up and go every morning because I had to. I preferred school over home but I hated both. So I was kind of indifferent to it. At this time I heard of manifesting. It was the end of December and I was just sick of school. So utterly sick I wanted to never come back. And I don’t know what made me do this but I would swear up and down that something was going to happen to me and I wasn’t going to school. And I kept saying this to myself to motivate me to pick myself up. (I have no idea what I was on, I was so delusional) I didn’t know what I was doing like I still went to school everyday but i was just joking around a little off my hinges you know. Anyway i got appendicitis 💀. And I stayed home for a the whole of February 💀.

I didn’t connect this to manifesting bc it seemed like a coincidence and I had been having stomach pain + frequent hospital trips for a few months so it was like it already happened. Anyway I went back to school and my home room teacher was my English teacher. And in English we had this thing where we wrote a book entry everyday and after two weeks we turned them in. Now I was always on time with this but since I had surgery I didn’t do mine and procrastinated on it even when I went back to school. So the Friday I woke up and figured she’d check them I was so scared it was the due date. But again idk what possessed me but I woke up shook my head and decided she wouldn’t come to school even though she never specifically skips Fridays.

I turned out she fell down some stairs and didn’t return for the rest of the year. The guilt ate me up. I confessed 😭. I told my friends it was me. She was already over weight and I was so worried. I did this with my math teacher when I didn’t do the hw but she always came back the next day. From that day manifesting scared me. I didn’t use subs, meditations or anything I just knew in a disregarding way.

After a horrific few months of introspection. I’m understanding things and have been consistently manifesting things for myself the past few days. Now I want to point a few things out. Me manifesting getting appendicitis took ignoring my life and having a “feeling”(It was NOT a feeling I was delusional asf and made things up to help me cope) but I persisted without knowing it would ACTUALLY happen. It took a month of persistence while manifesting my teacher not coming took an hour. There was no goal. I already had what I had wanted and in both cases didn’t care for the 3d. I didn’t do anything wrong to delay my manifestations the first time. I simply did not care about time. Or about 3d. Because i didn't even know what i was doing at the time id never heard of loa just manifesting. It didn’t matter that it manifested in a month and the other in an hour. I didn’t waver during either. I was a delusional ahh kid. I didnt do any of those things bc I didn't know what i was doing. I think it was escapism. Trying not to identify with my reality in order to bear it. And on feb 1st i had gotten surgery.

Another thing. I was religious during this time bc of my family. So I definitely had limiting beliefs but that did not stop anything. Despite having them I manifested what I wanted. When we only focus on tackling limiting beliefs we make them worse by giving them value and over stressing them. I will get more into this in a future post just wanted to point out that if 12 year old stubborn, crazy, delusional, religious, me could do it so can you.

~ With love Jyspire

[spacesymbol]

heyyyyy. crazy month and a half, am i right? 😅

my sincerest apologies for the truckload of reblogs.... plus even more sincere apologies if i reblogged a very old post of yours that you forgot about 😭

ive had those sitting in my drafts for a WHILE so that they wouldnt get drowned in my likes.... but i have some weird mental hangup about posting here without also posting a Life Update..... but i kept procrastinating actually writing a Life Update..... so here we are!!

anyways. that being said. LIFE UPDATE TIME!!!!! (no cut since theres actually some very important stuff in here)

first and somewhat foremost, i submitted SEVEN college applications exactly a month ago. for context, my entire applying list (as of right now) is only nine schools. and i procrastinated SO HARD on the application materials.... it was soooo bad. basically mid october to early november was the most stressed i have ever felt in recent memory 😁👍 and i coped with it soooo well, as i historically always do (sarcasm)

the fall play(s) also recently came and went!!! the rehearsal process wasnt that bad, it was moreso just anxiety provoking since i was constantly saying "yeah it (the show) will come together eventually" even when opening night was a few days away... but the show(s) did come together!! at least, my two scenes did. i honestly can't speak for anyone else, but my scenes both went fine during all three performances with minor errors, if any

although, the week of performances and the last few days of tech was so very brutal. i had to be in the theater until 8pm or later every single day of that week (november 18th to the 23rd), which meant i was in school for over twelve hours each school day. i had to put a lot of things on the backburner to focus on the show (and not losing my mind) that week, and schoolwork was one of them.... so i am currently once again in overdue assignments hell. my classes have been fine other than that though!!!

my mental, emotional, and physical health also definitely have been on the backburner for a WHILE now.... a wonderful example is how i havent seen my therapist in two months now, and for context, im supposed to see her once a week!!! so im clearly doing fine (sarcasm). its weird though, the play honestly wasnt that distressing for me, since i had already hit mental rock bottom earlier that month because of college applications

my physical health has also Not Been Good at all.... one of my scenes in the play (the gay one) involved a shit ton of stage falls.... and our stage is made of polished wood. we took all the necessary precautions to protect my bad knee (knee pads), but that didnt do much to prevent the ridiculous amount of bruising all over my body that i still have a week after the final show.....

eating has also been Bad. but i wont go into details about that 🫶 ive been able to keep having regular appointments with my dietitian, so genuinely dont worry about that. i will be fine!!

ive also been like. mentally checked out for a while, i guess. like i mentioned, ive been doing some research into dissociative disorders and symptoms to get more clarity on if im a system or not (which i do have an answer on btw), and i think the best term to describe it is depersonalization?

and uh. okay this is actually really important. about the system thing, i came to the conclusion after a LOT of research and self reflection that i do not think i am (or ever was) a plural system. i dont think i should post the entire esaay i wrote on how i came to this conclusion (because i dont think most of you want to read all that). but if any mutuals want, i am MORE than happy to dm the whole explanation, since i know it might raise some eyebrows that i suddenly dont identify that way anymore

however, the tldr is that im pretty sure i have dissociative amnesia instead, because i never once experienced amnesia between the personas that i thought were alters, and these personas were never really that separate from me, moreso extensions of me in terms of personality, if that makes sense. there were also some.... quirks of how my "system" operated that also made me suspicious, like how i was basically always frontstuck, and how my "frequent fronters" ALWAYS aligned with my interests at the time. i honestly think that i only arrived at the conclusion that i was a system in the first place because of the environment i was in at the time (the majority my friends at the time had the system realization and were talking about it), and the fact that no one ever really questioned me being one. which im NOT saying that i wish people had, since thats rightfully a very rude thing to do, but i definitely would have benefited from someone kindly calling all that into question, yknow?

the biggest takeaway though, should be that i didnt know until very recently. there is a world of difference between intentionally lying about being a system, and unknowingly being wrong about being a system. the MOMENT i started to suspect that i was wrong, i made it known here (in the previous Life Update) and on twitter, and i refrained from using any system terminology for myself until i came to a definitive conclusion, which i only did recently. additionally, i recently removed the system section from my pronouns dot cc, and my simplyplural account is still up, but obviously not in use

ummm. other personal updates.... im hopefully going to start legal and medical transition soon?? my stepsister (also trans) has been pushing my mom and stepdad for it as a result of the election, which sparks the conversation for me by extension

as you can probably tell by the majority of the recent reblogs, the release of season 2 reawakened my dormant arcane hyperfixation 😭 it somehow came back even stronger??? if any of you happen to remember my jayvik posting from november 2021, you deserve a spacesymbol elders discount....

what else..... oh um!!!! i had an awesome joe cool (snoopy) costume for halloween this year that i made extremely last minute :)

okay. okay!!!!!!! in terms of the future!!!! im on thanksgiving break right now until this tuesday and the break is Extremely welcome.... the spring musical (aka my final high school theater show) has already been announced, and its curtains, which should be exciting, but i dont have to think about that for a While....

in terms of like Immediately upcoming things, my schools robotics team has our first qualifier coming up so im gonna have to lock in on preparing for that soon.... for college stuff, i should be getting two decisions fairly soon (one from my early decision school and one from a rolling deadlines school), and i have two more applications for early january, but all i really have to do for them is finish writing their supplements..... so HOPEFULLY i should be slightly more active on here??? i feel like every time i say that i end up jinxing myself for inactivity, though. so honestly, who knows!!! but i dont really have as much of a Pressing Reason to not be active here, i guess

thats all.... jesus fuck i wrote a lot. my bad!!! no wonder i procrastinated writing this GODDAMN!!!!

[ram-de]

[read] all of our demise thoughts vomit

The last post is getting far too long so I'm making a new one. I'll be treating this like this is my private Twitter account whatever💀

----------------------

No way they're becoming a local teenage celeb, I guess it's not far too removed from reality that a murderer (no matter how justified) would gain some large number admirers😭

Sure the Grieves had it bad but man Gavin... HE'S GONNA WIN THIS GAME. (and by win I mean snatching Lowe and lived happily ever after somewhere in a place that does not send kids to murder games). The story too, surely he's not going to die at the end right... R-RIGHT....

When the characters written that they cried or teared up rather easily I felt like it's a nice reminder that beneath all that curses and fights they did they're still like 16 years old kid being put in a murder game which most of them participate by the nature of tradition...

Someone save my girlie Isobel from the harassment💀 AND THAT INCLUDES HER SLIMY FATHER... Wait. His father steals from small shop... That shouldn't surprise me since this family vultures on dead people's magick...

My girl Isobel is also quickly flippant and impulsive, now that's a good traits for a champion. She's so self-important and annoying hsgshsjsh

"Maybe it's because of the curse breaking," UGH SHUT UP FINLEY... MAKE UP A BETTER REASON... /something that's deviate from the rules happens/ "oh maybe it's" OKAY SHUT UP... I GET IT THE FIRST TIME AROUND... if they want to remind me of how everything can be explained with "curse breaking" then at least try to make it sound interesting wtf....

Hm.. They're pairing Isobel and Reid. I frankly did not care enough for both of them. It's eh I guess. Talk about Reid, I also think for how much they hyped Reid and made him so important in the first book, the way he's dragged to the tournament because Isobel maced him to the head when he sleeps is vastly underwhelming. What do you mean in this age and era they would set some kind of protection shield when they sleep with danger around.

Why do I feel like there's isn't gonna be any more champion death after this? Leave it to Darrow and Payne because they're not the main cast in the first book. The main four isn't gonna die for sure. Maybe Gavin. Okay, wait. HENDRY. He's gonna die (again), so that Alistair can properly grief, move on and stuff. Reid may die by the end since he tampered a lot, though a glimpse of his motivation, using high magick for the better of the living condition of the people, highly naive makes me think there's gonna be a background story and he's gonna live.

So who's dying?

---------

Alistair is gonna be fold again hsgshsjsh my man...

NOT AGAIN STOP WITH THIS PAIRING I DID NOT LIKE THEM ONE BIT STOP INTERTWINING FINGERS YOU HERETICS

Why did the "Heroes" faction kept thinking of themselves as victim, all of those three have doubted another champions, some betrayed (and Reid is just slimy). When you corner the other two to their limits, of course they're gonna retaliate. You guys attacked them for goodness sake don't act surprised when they hit back💀

Isobel's "Who did this to you?!" to Briony when just few hours ago she planned to murder her and Finley in their sleep. She's so, uh, I'm sorry but, fake😒

Finley as a character seems so flat hsgshsh he's like the golden boy. Perfect, charming and is Briony's boyfriend. He sticks to his values and that's it. WE NEED HIM AT THE STAKE... NEXT VICTIM.

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Another day another session of procrastination. IM SO EXCITED.

ALRIGHT. Briony is kinda real for her decision. They can break the curse /the wrong way/ although that'd means all champions will die. She's still a /hero/ through and through. When the hero complex paying off👍 The kiss in the rain is very dramatic lmao

"Don't die, I'm the one who gets to kill you, okay?" PEAK ROMANCE‼️‼️‼️

For such grave injuries, a single spell surely saved the day just like that. That was very, anticlimactic idk😭

Isobel/raid pairing chapter... Snooze... Briony/Finley however, is starting to grow on me.

How many times are they gonna kept reusing the same Isobel's betrayal plot again SIGH ITS GETTING TIRING NOW MAKE UP YOUR DAMNED MIND GIRL URGH the only one who actually cares ending the damn game is Briony and she's carrying a lot here💀

Briony is such a girlboss she's so cool

Reid is such a loser I NEED HIM GONE😭 HE KEPT STOPP LOWER I NEED HIM BURIED SIX FEET UNDER... SCREW U REID. Even I wouldnt pair this slimy ghoul with Isobel gosh poor her😭 I know he's probably gonna have another one of these "my childhood so tragic uwu" but I'd he's a slime

Hsgshsjsh the satisfaction I felt. The build up to that hammer slam is SO GOOD. there's so a fluff moment I'm cryinf😭 (they were about to torture a slime) oh goodness I should be sick but then again they're torturing a slime so I don't feel as bad

After a while I just realized Reid is written as a classic villain cartoon character, he's just like Spandam from OP hsgshshs

Another Isobel/Reid chapter and slime flirtation PACK IT UP I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THJS wait briony/finley is a power duo

"You're welcome," OH SHUT UP YOU SLIME ughj knowing he has a romance plot line soon makes me repulsed SHOVE IT AWAY KEEP IT HIDDEN GET IT OUTTA HERE

briony girlboss but also innes deathflag😭

STOP IT WITH ANOTHER SLIME GERMINATION URGHH WE NEVER REALLY NEED A REID MACTAVISH IN THE SECOND BOOK I HATE SLIMES URGHH ugh it's been like 2 pages but it felt so long IS THIS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU READ A BOOK THROUGH A CHARACTER YOU HATE

one good thing about this chapter is them picking up the pace. get over it whatever I'm tired of reading you slime ass flirting and calling eachother darlings GO MERGE SOMEWHERE ELSE

Huh at least the slime had some self-awareness. Good enough, I guess. Still a slime though. OH SHUT UP YOU DON'T GET TO WABBLE ABOUT DOING GOOD AND JUSTICE AND ALL SHUT UPPPP

Ugh when will this chapter end I miss my clumsy son Alistair

Okay finally isobel FINALLY SHE MADE UP HER MIND though she ended up confiding with a slime ykw good for her whatever PACK IT UP I WANNA SEE ALISTAIR

Now why is Gavin's chapter a measly 8 pages while Isobel got like 14?! I'm so close to doing a kpop stan ramble about song line distribution hsgzhsjsjhs but also only 4 chapters of Isobel left (which means less slime appearance and mention) I CHEERED

_----------

O-oh... Gavin's family is TRASH. GARBAGE. UTTER STANKY PILE NON-RECYCABLE WASTE. I need them gone. I need Gavin to pull an Alistair....

Fergus you're in THIN ICE right now.

I teared up just a bit shgshsjsahah Gavin you deserve all the world and a half😭

I just realized Alistair (Cottage, Crown) have mismatched Relic and Landmark with Gavin (Castle, Shoes) THAT'S... THAT'S CUTE

Hendry's life wishes broke me too HELP ILVERNATH IS ABUSING CHILDREN SEND THEM ALL TO THERAPY (except maybe the slime he should've went to therapy FAR AWAY from the OG cast)

GAVIN IS CURED THSI IS THE BEST DAY EVER

____-------_

"The slime has changed" LMAOO just like all the other two pairs of course everyone changed once they meet their partner Isobel and the slime, Briony and Finley, heck even Gavin and alistair too (on progress) but WELL WHO CARES once a slime forever a slime, PLEASE PERISH IN THE NEAR FUTURE

I'm cryinf Alistair is such a dramatic guy😭 you've been in dungeon for like 14 hours my man hsgshshhs

HWNDRY😭 THE FAREWELL MADE ME WEPT it happened so fast shgshah I don't know what happened but ;-; PLEASE HAVE A GOOD LIFE YOU TWO 😭

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Each time the slime said the word 'darling' my will to read depletes by 1% SHUT UPPP

Briony's redemption arc is done so beautifully, she let go of the burden and her own expectation of being a /hero/😭

I really can't take anymore of the slime/sobel flirting scene... WRAP IT UP.... CRAFT THE DSMN CROWN‼️

I'll give them props for not putting the slime in a rosy tinted glasses through Isobel's perspective. YOU STILL MANIPULATED A LOT OF DESPERATE KIDS THAT'S ABOUT TO DIE YOU SLIME... like yucky murky mud slime.

I never want to read about slime mating ritual😭 please don't put that in the story ever again...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH the fakeout death... I don't know if it's fake but I'm sure he's gonna heal one way or another. Alistair needs to LIVE...

ALISTAIR ON HIS TIPTOES... HES ADORABLE AND CUTIEFUL (he has a kill count of four people)

-----_--------

Another day another aood reading sesh

IM SO WEAK WITH FAMILY REUNION AAHH it's fine Isobel hsgshsj now who invited her slimy dad to this party

Of course the slime will slither into the most slimy role at the end of the story. He's a slime guys... Don't trust slime... I THIS HOUSE WE DETEST morally ambiguous (not really but like u get it) character like REID MACTAVISH

Though if he actually commits to his slimy role and be the villain he ALWAYS IS I'll actually like him a bit better. Like, he's not halfassing things. If that's the case then he's cool. NO SILLY PLOTLINES LIKE isobel's convincing him out of love or like friendship power bullshit (that's only reserved for characters I like so that I can look past some plot conveniences like Alistair and Gavin hsgshsjsh love u two) alright give me the slime show reid I'm prepared

AUGH whatever he's not that interesting😒 he's not even deserving the title of slime anymore whatever

BRIONY SACRIFICE??? HWGATSGWHHWGSYSY THIS IS NASTY THAT was so grotesque😭 GIRLIE I'M SORRY AAAHH her whole story of being set up as a hero but when she ended up having a dream and wishes past hero complex, they killed her off like😭 I guess it's like thematic in how she's ended up as the hero, something she always strived and chased to be, who also sacrificed her life but come on😭 she's been the one who's actually working her ass off trying to end the tournament and like she deserves better, at least like SURVIVING

Omg fuck im not even attached that attached to her character😔

The funeral is is a nice closure😭

Ugh the slime is crying, fine, he's okay. That makes him a bit human. I'd pat his head once or twice. I'll probably still think of him as a slime the next time I reread but for now he's just a guy.

J-jawdrop... Am I not getting my Alistair/Gavin happy ending😭 O-oh a long distance is good enough I guess

THE ENDING😭 AHHHHHHHH MY HEART IS FULL THAT WAS A RIDE. I NEEDED A LONGER EPILOGUE because what was that shgshsjshhsh everyone sort of get their closure except maybe Finley because he's not the main cast. Grieve's parents not mentioned anywhere (as they should but also I need them gone), Marianne Jr. Sort of handled to Calista (whol also is a Grieve and she's been so shitty to Gavin this is like the least she could do to help him like seriously screw her and her parents SHE NEVER APOLOGIZED TOO I think or if she did it doesn't leave an impact coz I didn't remember). Then again Alistair does really need a thorough therapy away from Ilvernath (everybody needs to actually) and I doubt he can take care of a kid that reminds him of murder house sjgzhzjs

AHSGUSGSGSH ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I REALLY ENJOYED THE READ THAT WAS ALL OF US VILLAINS (I think the slime Reid is the only one deemed to be villain but he also switched lädt minute, the others aren't really villainy except when they kill. Alistair is a clumsy short king, Briony is literally a hero, Gavin brought up to be the sacrificial sheep, Isobel may or may not have a teensy bit of villainy a.k.a but also that's her being a survivor, Finley sticks to his moral code and even after abandoning it he's still a hero by Briony's side, Elionor is unhinged and a girlboss and Carbry I forgot about who are you son)

[youdontknowwheretogofromhere]

Tuesday, April 1, 2025 12:13 am

sooo

havent been here in a whilke lol. I've honestly just been too lazy to update this blog because im a horrible procrastinator and all that.

also first post on my pc!!!!! its not a new pc but i just usually write entries on my phone haha.

so i skipped school today cuz im sick and my birthday is in like two weeks exactly. preety cool i know.

there has been a lot of stuff ive wanted to complain about but like its been too long so there is kinda do point in explaining it. but two pretty big thigs have happened to me since i last posted

so i like move houses. Yay!!! we moved to a new state to live with my sister for a while but now we have our own place. we've been here for a couple month. i also had to transfer schools so now i have no irl friends but its okay ;'). its not too bad but my new school kinda sucks. I cant relate to any of the people there and none of the classes like promote talking to eachother really so i cant even make friends on accident.

i like totally broke up with my boyfriend. i totally also did it in a really shitty way and i kinda feel bad but not really? i'll tell you what happened. oh its gonna break my heart to read through old messages for this.("old" it was like two weeks ago lolz) okay so for like he wanted to play this pokemon minecraft mod thingy so i made one for us and stuff. and- actually im really bad at telling stories so heres just the events that happened.

the day we broke up we had an argument(not even really hes just a defensive prick) about like the edgy jokes and stuff he likes to make because i dont find them funny and im pretty woke i think. and honestly its my fault for letting him get away with stuff like that in the first place but its not like we havent have a conversation like this before. so like he makes the racist joke abt black people(im black so i dont get his thought process there) and i call him racist(i said it in a slightly joking way which in all honestly shouldnt have been my intent even though he didnt take it that way. then he says "im not racist. im just hating the way i know it'll affect you". by the way, fucking insane thing to say to someone. ohhhh ur racist because i dont like it ahhh thats perfectly fine then. its honestly been pissing me off for days.

anyways, i ignore him for the next like 3 minutes and hes like rambling and saying stupid shit til he says sorry. then i respond "thanks, start with that next time". then he says he cant be racist because hes attracted to me followed by the most idiotic things known to man that i cant repeat or else ill look like i have no self respect.

after that i tell him i dont think hes racist i just think he shouldn't make jokes like that. then he sits there and tells me that he only does it for reactions and that i guess he just does it cuz i react a lot. and then is like hes always made "controversial" jokes(just bigotry lolz) and he kept doing it cuz some people laughed or something. so i tell him "I dont really need and explanation, just stop doing it" and he tries to do his usual "ohh pity me" bs and is like "i wont bother you any more just let me play on the server"

and i tell him "i dont know why you're making it a big deal. im not mad at you just stop making the jokes"(again on me for forgiving bullshit). finally he agrees and we have a conversation about something else.

now you're thinking "you didnt break up with him there?!?! you dumb bitch!!" you are completely right. i am a dumb bitch.

next argument happens (the same day) when he wants to play on the server with me and i cant because im on the phone with my sister.

i want to provide context before continuing this. sofor the first time in a month like the day before the argument and the morning of, i couldnt play because i was on the phone with my sister. i want to emphasis that i would often not pick up my sisters calls in favor of talking to him(dumbass i know). but my sister really wanted to call me recently so i was prioritizing her since i always call my bf instead.

so in the evening, and he was already getting on my nerves at this point in time, he asks me if we can play on the mc server and i tell him that my sister just called me with the intent of hanging up in a few minutes so we could play. then he starts hating on my sister i guess cuz he was jealous or something saying she "should get a job"(she has one he doesnt) and "its weird to call your siblings this often"(its not and we dont call often enough for him to say that anyways).

then he accuses me of lying about my sister calling me and says im just doing it so i dont have to talk to him. then he calls my sister more name and keeps insulting her and at some point i stop trying to defend her and start ignoring him. then he says "anyways it was fun while it lasted". and im already done with him by this point so i just say okay and he tells me "thanks for ruining everything. i wish you didnt have to leave." never even mentioned leaving btw he just made this up in his head but i guess he was right

i respond "mhm" to that and he tells me that im breaking his heart and i cant even be bothered at this point. then after like 10 minutes, he messages "hey you forgot to unadd me" sarcastically i guess but i didnt even care so i unadded him. then he messaged "wait you actually unadded me? why?" like man im not gonna play these dumbass games with you. so then i blocked him for like a day and unblocked him.

and he's sent like 2 messages asking me to come back since. everytime i think about doing it though i just remember all the bullshit he does and i clear my mind of the thought. i do feel bad though so i kinda wanna send him like a closure message abt why i actually stopped talking to him if hes too thick to figure it out.

im not too torn up about it, i havent cried or anything(not that i usually do but i thought i'd feel more after this). i guess it wasnt a real breakup though was it? yeah maybe ill send that message

oh also not an april fools i guess

anyways i guess thats it so. thanks for reading. i really do love you. i hope all your days are amazing and only good things come your way. i hope you love me too.

1:04 am

[lu-lus-dicks]

Nobody expects Russian spies! But there's one here.

I'm sorry, yesterday was a difficult day, so I didn't do daily interaction with you, my Georgian supervised. So, second day, twice the dose!

Do you like taking things apart and putting things back together for absolutely no reason?

Have you ever been given an electric shock?

Light. Artificial or natural?

Two small ones or one large one (no specific items, just curious)?

Do you like indoor plants?

Do you wear glasses?

Are you a perfectionist or not? Procrastinator or not?

Have you played D&D? If so, Lawful Evil or Chaotic Good?

Have you been abroad?

Have you been to prison?

Are you political or apolitical?

Answers.

Yes. A lot. A damn lot.

Fortunately or unfortunately, yes. A little though.

Natural.

One large one.

Yes. I have cactus that is around 2.5 meters height.

Yes. I have relatively small myopia.

Perfectionist? No. Procrastinator? Absolutely.

Yes. With my friends. And my choice is Chaotic Good.

Yes. In Latvia in 2019 (or 2018???).

No and thank whoever up there.

Political. I have gift or curse to slowly change topic of every relatively long conversation into damn political debates.

You don't need to interract with me daily for us to be homies y'know. Take care of yourself first bby <3

I do but unfortunately I can't a lot of the time. I took apart and put back together an old laptop once and it was so fun

Yes? Very light ones from electrical outlets. I once kept shocking people (static electricity) and I joked how I should be plugged in an outlet, would save the bills

Depends on the item but usually one large over two small ones. (I'm thinking of apples specifically as I write this lmao)

I hate indoor plants because my mom makes me water them. Other than that, no. They supply me with oxygen and that's sexy. Plants are sexy

No goasses, though my eyesight could use some. I used to have a superpower with my vision when I was younger and now I need to move my phone up to my nose to read text

Hard to say weather I am or not since I avoid completing tasks. I could be avoiding them because I'm lazy or because I'm a perfectionist and the thought of not living up to my expectations makes me quit. Either could fit

100% a procrastinator. Just coded a game last night while procrastinating on a fanfic, which I was procrastinating on my homework with.

Haven't played it but I'd be a chaotic good probably

No, but I really wanna, especially to canada.

Nope. Haven't been to prison. They probably banned me from there because of the posts I make on here

Apolitical. Constant yelling at my house about politics gets annoying so I choose to completely ignore it's existance. I like the idea of anarchy though, but not the "let me do what I want" kind, more the "I believe in the good in humanity and if we let ourselfs do whatever we'd be much better off without all the wars and politics bullshit. Everyone should help eachother out"

Was the shock coming across my blog? (I'm curious on what exactly shocked you)

Good thing I'm used to dealing with people who get extremely political. You're easy compared to my parents tbh

[threestarsinline]

Thoughts (Soulmate AU)

Jason Todd x reader one-shot

Summary: He was always on your mind, whether he talked with you in your head (being soulmates you could hear each others thoughts), or whether you daydreamed about when you would meet him. And even though fate put you two together, not everything was going to be how you expected.

Word Count: 8.8K

Category: Started as fluff but I got carried away and ended with angst 

Warnings: Mentions of injuries and death

Author’s note: Here it is!! My second piece of fanfiction (and as a soulmate AU, one of my fav tropes), hope you like it! (Also, I used two prompts, which are bolded, but I lost the original post where I found them a long time ago so, credit to the creator.)

“Stop it.”

“What? I’m not interrupting your weird night classes or whatever.”

“Stop procrastinating. I know you have two assignments due in a few days and although you usually do well, it is because you prepare them in advance.”

Damn him. He knew you too well. Like he could read your mind, which in fact he kind of actually did.

“I hate you.” You mentally exhaled as you took your notes.

“No you don’t. You love me.”

He didn’t know just how true that statement was.

It was weird.

Having someone in your head all the time. To be able to talk to them although you did not know each other in person. However, it was nice to have Jason, you knew you were soulmates and all that but sometimes it felt like you had come up with him entirely.

He seemed too in tune and too understanding of you to be real, like a part of you. It could not be that easy. Still, you were soulmates and that was the only explanation you had for the moment. You wondered if all the other soulmates felt the same.

He truly felt like a real life best friend to whom you could go to with whatever was going on in your life.

Like all soulmates, since you were little you had always heard his thoughts although they were displaced and hard to find in your head, kids often thought of that other voice as an imaginary friend.

Until you turn twelve you can’t really control your connection to your soulmate and start to have full on conversations and get to know each other. But you and Jason somehow managed to start sending little messages when you were ten.

At first you were scared because at the beginning, when you were like five or seven years old you heard things like ‘Please, stop screaming.’ ‘I’m cold.’ or ‘Mom is sick.’ To this, the only thing that your little self could do was constantly think: ‘I hope you're okay.’

It wouldn’t be until years later that you would find out that in fact, he was not. But also, years later you would discover that that little phrase that you repeated over and over again, was one of the few lights that Jason saw in his early years.

Things like ‘Who are you?’ ‘Where do you live?’ ‘What’s your favorite animal?’ were your first interactions. Soon, you discovered that the only personal information you could give to each other were your names. Whenever you tried to say where you were or something like that, the connection would somehow get blurry.

Fate didn’t want to put it that easy. 

You quickly became friends and a couple of years later, when he told you that he was getting adopted by someone named Bruce and going to an actual home, you couldn’t be happier for him. He deserved that, after all that he’d been through with his parents.

During all that time of him living in the streets you always felt bad for not being able to do anything. Maybe the adoption could be a step closer to meeting each other, although you could tell by Jason’s tone of voice that whenever you talked about it, he didn’t want to get his hopes up. He had had a fair lot of disappointments in his young life.

After that, you kept talking about everything and anything and when he told you that he was doing some kind of extracurricular thing at nights, something in which he felt useful, could help people and put all of his energy into (you could perfectly picture him grinning in your mind as he told you so), you realized that you were in love with him.

You knew that that was what soulmates were about but it was a whole other thing for you to be very real in love with a person that only you know and with whom you had always interacted as a friend.

You weren’t sure if you should tell him at that moment, wait until you met or even tell him at all. You knew of some soulmates that just had platonic love and your current relationship was so perfect that you did not want to change a thing.

And with that, his constant and sincere support, friendly teasing, his sarcastic remarks and your deep conversations accompanied you through the hell that high school was.

You remembered a time in English class, during a lecture, he told you a joke characteristic of his unique humor and without being able to repress it, you laughed so loudly and spontaneously that the whole class and the teacher turned to look at you. You just muttered a sorry and told Jason to please let you concentrate.

“You’ve been studying for 16 hours without a break, please go get some food or something. I’m concerned about you. I can hear the algebra from here.”

You stopped biting your nail and moved your gaze from your paper full of equations and things that you still did not understand to your window. You closed your eyes and sighed. Math was really a bitch.

“Sorry. It’s just that it’s the final exam and I hate math.”

“Stop worrying about the test, I’ve learned more from you studying than I have all semester. I know you will ace the exam.”

“Thanks.” You both stayed quiet for a moment but you could still feel like he did not disconnect from your mental conversation, like hanging on the line in a phone call. It felt as if he was thinking of saying something or not.

Eventually, he said:

“Do you want to go over it once again with me?”

“Yes, that would be great. Thank you.” You said relieved.

“It’s the least I can do for my girl.”

You froze.

My girl.

The brightness of your smile at those words could rival that of the sun. You didn’t know if Jason said it without thinking or if he regretted doing so but none of you said anything about it.

In his room at Wayne manor Jason was just about to punch a hole in the wall.

Idiot, idiot, idiot. That was too forward. It’s too soon. Those two words just came out of his mouth with no warning. He didn’t exactly intend to say them but it just came to him. They felt so natural. Right. He didn’t regret them but he panicked when he realised what he had done and worried about how you would react.

But that sensation left him as soon as it came as he felt your mood change from stress to radiating happiness. Which he mirrored when he realized that he was the source of it. And with that, two smiles and two fast beating teenage hearts, you both went back to reviewing equations (which doing together, didn’t seem so boring anymore.)

“Hey.” The soft voice whispered in your head as you tried to do the hardest problem in the exam.

“Hmm.” You just muttered trying to understand what was in front of you.

“You’re doing great.”

“I don’t think so.” You doubted.

“Do you want me to help?” That made you think. Actually, you could cheat on the exam with Jason’s help. 

“No. Thank you.” You were determined to do this on your own and achieve your best grades with your own merits. Just like you had done your whole life with everything. “I can do this.”

“I know.” Jason admired you so much. When he offered to help you he knew that you would decline. That’s just who you were. Full of determination, patience, kindness and resilience. Things he loved about you. “I wish I could take you to have a milkshake or something later to celebrate your last exam.” He added with a hint of sadness.

“Someday.” You said with the hopefulness that characterized you.

“Someday.” He repeated back like a promise.

A promise that unknowingly to him, he wouldn’t be able to hold onto.

“Jason, you just can’t do that!” Bruce shouted angrily at Jason.

“Why not?! Huh? I wasn’t going to stand there and do nothing! That asshole would have killed the girl if I hadn’t intervened.” The sixteen year old replied to his mentor.

“You know there are other ways to take them down, Jason. Rather than putting them in a coma with a traumatic brain injury!!” 

At that, Jason shut up. In truth, he didn’t fully intend to do so. But he was just so angry when he saw what that horrible person was about to do to the girl. It didn’t help that for a moment he thought of the possibility of that girl being you. He practically lost it.

In the last months, everytime that they went on patrol he just got more and more angry at the things that he saw. Gotham was a rotten place and he couldn’t protect its people by letting the criminals get away so easily like Batman did. 

“I’m sorry.” He ended up saying sincerely while looking at the batcave’s floor. He knew that he had crossed a line.

“You have to control yourself.” Bruce said in return. “If this happens again, maybe you should take a break from being Robin.”

Jason felt his whole body go numb. He tried to fight back but his mouth wouldn’t utter a word. He just gave a little nod and proceeded to make his way towards his room. Still, he could hear Bruce and Alfred talking.

“Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with him.”

“Give him time Master Bruce. He’s just a boy.”

It was coming. Jason knew that it was. The day that he had been dreading since he first put a foot into the manor. The day in which he would have to leave because he didn’t belong there and no one truly wanted him there. All of his suspicions were being confirmed. He didn’t live up to the expectations, he wasn’t like Dick.

Time and time again he had tried to prove himself but it seemed like every time he did, he screwed up. The worst part was that he didn’t know how to do it in another way. He couldn’t stop being himself despite how many times he wanted to.

“Jay. Jason. Listen to me. I’m here. Are you okay?” Your voice came as a breath of fresh air as if he had been in a small room with his asphyxiating thoughts and someone had opened a window. He didn’t know if he had called to you subconsciously or if you had sensed his bad mood. He felt like he was six years old again and his parents were screaming at each other while he hid under a table. His only comfort, your little voice. ‘I hope you are okay.’

“Hey.”

“Oh my god. You’re here.” Your voice sounded as if you had been worried for him for a long time, you must have been calling to him since a while ago. Was he worth that? Worthy of you? Of your beautiful and calming self?

“Yes, you are.” He once again focused on your voice.

“What?” He felt disoriented.

“Jason, listen to me. I couldn’t reach you. I could feel you there but you were distant, like shutting me out. Never ever do that again, you hear me? I was worried sick.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know exactly what happened but I know that you are not okay. I just want you to know that I’m here and you can’t get rid of me. We are soulmates, remember? You are worthy of me not only because fate says so, alright? I lo-” You took a moment to voice your thoughts.

“I care so much about you. I am here for whenever you need me. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk but let me say something. You are wonderful. You make mistakes, like everybody does. But you are strong. So very strong. You have endured so much and still you have the kindest and bravest heart that I can think of. You love helping people, you always try your best because you don’t want to disappoint. And you know what? You have never disappointed me. You are always there to cheer me up and comfort me and I am so grateful for you. I’m so glad you are my soulmate. I don’t want anyone else.”

Jason didn’t know when he had started crying but now he couldn’t stop. Somehow he could feel you hugging him. He was amazed at how much he loved you right now and he couldn’t imagine how much more he was going to do so once he finally met you.

“Thank you. That means so much. I wish you were here.” He said and you started crying too. 

“I am.”

You spent the rest of the night talking with each other. He explained to you what had happened, still not mentioning anything about being Robin. For the moment, he wanted to protect you from that. And you dissipated and soothed his doubts. How he didn’t have to be like Dick, how he could do so much good just being himself. And how although his relationship with Bruce had bad moments, it was still worth it. 

“I’m so lucky you’re my soulmate.” He said.

“Don’t forget you own me a milkshake.” He laughed at your response.

“I won’t. I promise.” You smiled at that and you both finally fell asleep with warm and content hearts. 

And once again, a promise that won’t be fulfilled.

“Y/N.”

“Y/N, please wake up.” Jason’s defeated voice woke you up from your slumber. Although in your just awakened state, you did not register Jason’s tired and sad tone of voice.

“Hey, what’s up?” You said, rubbing the sleep from your eyes to concentrate better on the conversation.

“I’m sorry.” Jason’s crashed and trembling voice uttered.

That woke you up. You sat up in bed quickly and your breath started to become uneven when you sensed how Jason’s energy was so uneasy and disturbed. Something was wrong, very wrong.

You had never felt something like this, you could feel exactly how Jason was feeling: frustrated, helpless, remorseful. You had been worried that time that you couldn’t reach him after his fight with Bruce but now you were scared out of your mind. A sense of dread looming and threatening over you.

“Jason, what is going on?” You said also out loud this time. 

“Listen to me Y/N, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Jason, please.”

“Y/N, I-  .”

And just like that, that connection that you had always felt in the back of your mind was cut. There was nothing. Nobody on the other end of the line. You were alone. Emptiness filled every fiber of your being.

“Jason?” Your voice shaking with tears that you didn’t know when you had begun to shed.

“Jason, please, answer me.”

Still, nothing.

You knew what this meant, even without having ever heard about it. But you refused to believe it. He couldn’t be gone, just like that and so suddenly. He couldn’t be... dead.

You kept trying to call to him but everything was the same. No response, no connection and no constant reminder of someone being there. Just emptiness. A cold feeling overcame you and you sobbed and cried. You began to feel dizzy as you held yourself trying to fill a void that will never go away.

You didn’t remember much more of that night. Just your parents awaken due to your cries and screams, coming into your room and asking you what had happened. You, repeating over and over again ‘He’s not here, he’s gone.’ And although your parents held you that night trying to comfort you in some way, you had never felt so alone.

The following weeks felt like a hazy dream. You spent the first days in your room, crying and asking yourself how this had happened and repeating your last conversation over and over again. How long were you asleep while he was trying to wake you up? Maybe if you had woken earlier, you could have gotten some answers, help him in any way. Or at least tell him how much you loved him. But none of those things were possible. 

He seemed to know that he was going to die. Had he been hiding something from you? You would never know now. All that was left of Jason were your memories. Before, you doubted if he was real, but nothing could be more real than the pain and love that your heart was obliged to carry from now on. You wouldn’t let Jason fade away.

Your family and friends helped you in whichever way they could and as time passed you found a routine again. And life moved on. But you never truly did.

When Jason first woke up he didn’t remember anything. He couldn’t really put together his thoughts, it was all just a chaotic mess. He was just a body with no mind nor soul that shouldn’t be alive.

He couldn’t remember who he was but he knew that there was supposed to be someone else in his head. He had dreams of his past life, moments that he tried to piece together but the weirdest things were a girl’s laugh that he was sure of never having heard in person and a voice repeating ‘I hope you are okay.’ 

Then, suddenly, it all came back to him. His life on the streets. The manor. Being Robin. The warehouse. The fucking clown. Now that he was looking back, his life had been a torture. He wondered why he hadn’t crumbled beneath it before. And just as he formulated that question, you came into mind. He had a soulmate.

The broken person or whatever that he was now had someone that was destined to be with him. However, he couldn’t feel the connection in his head that he knew he was supposed to have. It must have been broken after his death. Still, a box full of memories of his soulmate was about to open but he pulled it close. Too afraid to look into that part of his mind just yet.

There were also more important things at stake right now. Training. Getting ready to go back to Gotham. Do justice. The only feelings that his body could hold right now were anger, betrayal and hurt.

However, a broken mind such as his didn’t stand a chance against a connection made by fate. The box slowly opened but he managed to keep it at bay so that it wouldn’t interfere with his plans about Gotham and Batman that he was putting together, something that was going quite well until-

“Hey.” He froze and that earned him a cut on the arm from the sword of his opponent from the league of assassins with whom he had been sparring.

This can’t be possible.

“This week wasn’t so bad.” The voice in his head continued. This time, the distraction made him fall to the floor and lose the combat. He quickly got up and without a word, he ran to his chamber in the complex. His head was spinning. Flashes of you escaping the place where he had locked them in. It was all too much, he managed to confine them again focusing on the foreign (or maybe familiar?) voice.

“So, I got the grade for that assignment from last week. Not perfect but pretty good. I’m happy with it.” He was freaking out. He shouldn’t be able to hear you right? You kept talking about your day but eventually, your voice faded out and disappeared just as suddenly as it had come to him.

Little did he know, even after his death you didn’t stop talking to him. Although you were alone in the room in your head and knew that you wouldn’t receive a response you kept doing so. It helped you to carry on.

Scared, Jason let his mind navigate but he couldn’t find the connection that you had established. He didn’t understand what had happened, confusion filled his body. Exactly like when he had awoken in the pit. He didn’t want to go back to that so he decided to forget this incident. Maybe he had imagined all of it.

So, he got up from the floor and proceeded to bandage the cut on his arm. He had a purpose and an objective to achieve. It was the only thing that kept him going. He needed to finish what he had started.

However, he kept hearing you. He didn’t know if he was pleased or angry when it happened. Your thoughts were often misplaced, like when you were kids. Sometimes he got a few words when you were feeling very intense emotions and others you talked to him directly. In either case, he didn’t try to get back to you. He even had the feeling that he wouldn’t be able to if he tried.

Despite your interruptions, he continued with his plan and eventually went back to Gotham. His memories of you still blocked, he didn’t allow himself to think about them. He executed his plan but it didn’t end up how he had wanted to. He just got more pain from fighting with Bruce, hurt of seeing his replacement in person, anger at himself for failing again. 

But, he also got a sense of belonging, he had been missed and his family hadn’t given up on him, not entirely. It took time, years, but when he managed to fix things with them more or less, he got forgiveness and acceptance. And when he got it from them, he started to do the same with himself.

That made him think about you. This time he truly let himself navigate his memories and let them be a part of himself again. And that also made him grieve what he had lost with you. What you had done years earlier when he had died, he was doing it now. The difference was that he could do something about it. But did he deserve it? After everything that he had done? After all the damage that he had caused?

He was a different person now. The young boy that you knew long gone. Would you even want him? He was sure that the answer was no. But he missed you so much. He missed talking to you so freely. He missed your laugh, which he could still sometimes hear. 

He remembered that time that he made you laugh so hard that the whole class stared at you and you pretended to be mad at him but you couldn’t keep the facade up. He missed how you would talk about books and things that you liked. He missed how when he woke up from a nightmare you would contact him to comfort him. Now, when that happened to him, he was only met with darkness and silence.

Even if you weren't his soulmate, he would have chosen you, although he didn't have that privilege. Not now and he doubted that he had ever had it.

Still, he tried to contact you, establish the connection that before he could create so easily. What you sometimes were still able to do, even if you didn’t know it, but he didn’t achieve anything. Everything was the same. Weeks later, when he found the courage to try to answer you one day that he could hear you talk about your job, he still wasn’t able to reach you. He came to the conclusion that the connection was just one way now (your way), that it was fragile and that he couldn’t do anything about it.

So, he resigned himself and stopped trying. Being able to hear you was enough. The only light that this second life had granted him. He didn’t want to push his luck.

However, it hurt not being able to answer you or letting you know that he was alive. He at least owed you that. Sometimes, with the lightness of hearing your voice also came the guilt and pain and while it was hard at first, he found a way to manage it and just let it be.

And he carried on with his life, fighting criminals as Red Hood, teasing his brothers and Bruce as much as he could, reading and experimenting with his culinary skills. With little snippets of you here and there.

He thought that it would be a pretty decent life that way. Almost good on the best days.

Well, fuck.

If he had bet when the next time that he would die would be, he would have lost a lot of money right now. He truly thought that it would have taken longer. 

These were his thoughts as he laid bleeding on the ground. Serves him right for trying to hunt down one of the leaders of the new drug trafficking gang when he was still healing two fractured ribs and a bullet wound on his leg from previous Red Hood duty.

In his defense, he liked to say that the injuries looked a lot better (a lie), that he was perfectly capable of bringing down that gang on his own (another lie) and that it had nothing to do with his pride (the biggest lie of all.)

So, there he lied in the back of a building with a stab wound in his stomach and the communications chip on his helmet broken plus the concussion on his head because suddenly everything felt fuzzier and funnier.

He had been soon surrounded by far more trained people than he had expected (which told him that this new gang was more than what it first looked like), they realized his weak points rather quickly and when he finally decided that it was a lost battle and tried to make a quick exit he was stabbed. And to top it all off, while trying to escape from them he had fallen from a balcony to the ground, hence the broken helmet and the concussion.

With no way to contact help, his most immediate concern was the blood that was escaping his body faster than what he would have liked. His hand covered the bleeding applying pressure as he stood up and started walking, his intention: to reach a phone or at least arrive to one of the safe houses. But his body wasn’t exactly cooperating and his train of thought was getting foggy.

You were on your way back from a work dinner to your apartment when you heard a pained gasp. 

I can’t breathe. Shit. Not again. You heard someone say and without thinking you moved towards the sound, you knew that it wasn’t the best idea with the fact that it was late in Gotham but the voice sounded truly in pain, you couldn’t just let it be. However, you didn’t stop to acknowledge the fact that you had heard the voice in your head.

When you turned the corner you expected everything except Red Hood sitting on the floor clutching his torso. Without thinking, you approached slowly.

Jason was starting to freak out, thinking and moving was becoming more difficult and he needed to breathe openly, fresh air. He tried to take off the helmet but his arms wouldn’t go above his shoulders. He was so focused on the pain that he didn’t notice a woman in front of him asking if he was okay, if she could do anything to help him.

He was sure that he was hallucinating because her voice sounded just like yours.

Finally, the vigilante seemed to realize your presence and he just gesticulated towards the helmet, you moved your hands towards it not knowing exactly what he wanted.

“Take it off.” He managed to say. You looked at him surprised at the request but he just nodded encouraging you, after a moment trying to figure out how to do so, you took it off. He tried to move to the side, to another position and you helped him, after that, his breathing slowed down and he seemed more aware of his surroundings.

“Thanks.” He murmured. That’s when you saw the blood on the floor and realized that it had come from under his hand over his abdomen.

“Oh god, you’re hurt.” You tried to move his hand to look at the wound but he hissed and flinched in pain when you touched the area. “Sorry.” You whispered. You didn’t see it very well but you knew that the wound was serious. “I need to take you to a hospital.”

“No.” He said immediately. You understood why he said so but you needed to do something.

“Is there somewhere I can take you? Someone to call?” You asked worriedly.

Jason tried to answer you, tell you to call to the manor but his thoughts were crumbled together, he wouldn't be able to recall the number even if he wanted to, he could feel his consciousness slipping away, he was going to pass out. So, he just shook his head.

“Alright, shit.” You said. He started closing his eyes, his hand falling limp and more blood coming to the surface. “No! Damn it. Stay with me, hey, wake up!” One of your hands hurried to cover and to put pressure to the wound while the other moved his head to maintain him awake. “I need to take you somewhere.”

You looked around trying to think and then you remembered that clinic, you had heard about it, it helped people in need, both homeless people and criminals. It wasn’t the best idea but it was your only option, you had no idea about medical procedures. You were sure that it was just a couple of streets over.

Somehow, although Red Hood didn’t answer you anymore, he was still able to move, so you managed with his arm around your shoulders to reach the clinic.

“Hello? I need help, please!” A middle aged woman came to you as soon as you opened the door and after seeing who you were bringing with you she escorted you to an empty and small medical room. You laid the bleeding vigilante onto the table in the middle of the room, now definitely passed out. Quickly, the woman started moving around, taking supplies and injecting him things.

“What happened?” She asked you while taking off his armor and starting to work on the wound.

“I- I don’t know. I found him bleeding on the street, he didn’t want to go to a hospital and I knew about this place.” The doctor nodded.

“You did well. I’m surprised he even let you touch him.” She added. You had thought about that too. 

Suddenly, the man woke up and seemed prepared to jump into defense mood when he saw who was tending his wound. His brows furrowed.

“Leslie?” He asked, now more relaxed.

“It’s okay, boy. Rest, I can handle this.” She said and following her orders the exhausted man fell asleep again. 

You stood there as you knew now, Leslie, worked. Feeling awkward, you thought about leaving, you had already brought Red Hood to safety but even the thought felt wrong. You didn’t want to leave him. You didn’t want to experience another death happening right in front of you. You would stay to make sure that at least the person made it out alive this time. 

The memory of the only other time that you had experienced something similar made your chest hurt. You swallowed and forced yourself to stay in the present.  

“Can I help with anything?” You ended up saying. The doctor looked at you as if deciphering who you were and as if deciding if you were trustworthy.

“Yes, come here.” She finally said.

The next couple of hours you helped the woman how you could, giving her the items that she asked you to or cleaning the wound when she told you so. She managed to stop the bleeding and she told you that it was a stab wound, very deep and almost mortal, but that the inner organs were fine. She also tended other injuries that you weren’t aware of like reopened stitches on his leg or now a fully broken rib. The hit on his head wasn’t too serious as well, it had just heavily disoriented him.

Once he was stable, she finally turned to you and after taking off her gloves she offered you her hand.

“Thanks for the help.” She said and you shook her hand. “I’m Dr. Leslie Thompkins, welcome to my clinic.” Her kind tone made you think of a motherly figure. 

“I hope that I wasn’t a burden.”

“No, not at all. Help is always welcomed. I need to check on the other patients, you can stay here if you want.” You thanked her with a smile and she left.

After that you took a deep breath and allowed yourself to stop being in tension. You found a stool and sat next to him. You told yourself that you just wanted to wait until he woke up to make sure that he was fine. You refused to acknowledge the pull that was begging you to not leave his side anytime soon.

I hope you’re okay.

You used this moment to take him in. Even after almost dying the man looked beautiful. You surprised yourself with that thought because you usually don’t feel so fond of strangers. He had black hair with a weird white streak at the front and even in his current state, it looked stylish. His face was sharp and outlined and you recalled his eyes being blue. Or maybe green? You couldn’t focus on that earlier with the stress. 

But what most stood out to you was how relaxed he looked, his breathing was deep and slow, his chest rising and falling in a regular motion. His features now empty of all the pain and fear that you had seen in them earlier. You felt your eyes getting heavier and supporting your head on your arms on the table, you fell asleep.

The sound of a door opening abruptly woke you up. The first thing that you did was check on the still unconscious man in front of you. He looked the same as before you fell asleep. Then you looked at the door where Dr. Thompkins stood with her eyebrows furrowed and a look of distress in her eyes. She was carrying what seemed like a medical kit.

“I’m sorry but you both need to leave. Now.“ She hurried to you and began shaking Red Hood awake.

“What’s going on?” You asked. You had just made it to safety. What was wrong?

“There’s been a turf war. Lots of injured. Not a good idea if anyone sees him here.” She explained as he put the man in a sitting position and gestured with her head towards the red helmet that had been left in a chair. “In this kit you have everything needed to tend to and clean the wounds.” You were freaking out, what were you supposed to do with him now? You were about to ask her when something struck you. 

“Jason, I need you to wake up.” Leslie called Red Hood. “You have to move if you want to keep being alive.”

“Huh?” He murmured.

Jason.

You were stuck to your place, your body frozen. That name provoking feelings and memories in you. You knew that it was impossible, that it was just a coincidence, it was a common name. But still, for a very short and brief moment, hope was instilled in your chest. And as quickly as it had come, it disappeared. 

Before you knew it, you were on the streets again, with this “Jason” holding onto you to stay upright and very limited movement in his steps and half asleep. With your shock and all the fuzz, you didn’t ask Leslie about an address where you could take him.

Without realizing it, you made it to your apartment and left him on the couch, passed out once again. You left the kit and his helmet on the kitchen counter and sat on one of the chairs. 

What the fuck had you done?

You replayed the night in your head. You were having a normal night after a work dinner. You walked home. You saved the freaking Red Hood who apparently had the name of your dead soulmate. You were in a criminal medical clinic. And you brought a deadly vigilante into your home. 

Your life was a joke. It was surreal. You didn’t even know why you brought him in but leaving him on the streets or taking him to a police station was out of the question. Maybe it was the fact that you now felt responsible for him. Maybe it was the pull to him that kept bugging you. 

Or maybe it was just his name. A name that had mattered so much to you a long time ago. A name to which you still talked to. A name belonging to a person that you won’t ever stop missing. 

Or maybe you had just lost your mind, this was Gotham after all, it was only a matter of time.

Either way, you took a moment to breathe in and take in the events of the night to try and put yourself together. After that, you checked what was inside the medical kit: bandages, gauze, disinfectant for the wounds, painkillers and little more. You sighed. That, you could manage. 

You left all the things on the coffee table in front of the couch, you also left a glass of water in case that he woke up. Then, you removed his heavy equipment (carefully handling the guns) and his boots. Seeing that he looked stable and in a very deep sleep, you decided to take a shower and try to sleep some more, you would take further care of this less than normal situation in the morning.

When Jason woke up, he had to shield his eyes from the intense light coming through the windows. But the pain at his side didn’t allow him to do such a quick movement so he closed his eyes once again and blinked slowly. He looked around at his surroundings, his mind was still trying to fully understand what had happened the night before. He remembered bleeding out, someone taking him somewhere and Leslie patching him up. How had that been possible? 

Then, he spotted his guns on the table in front of him and when he heard rustling sounds behind him he knew that he had to get out of there. He didn’t know where he was and he couldn’t be sure if the person that had saved him had just a good intention or were going to use it against him. He jumped up quickly into a sitting position.

“Shit.” He said. The extreme pain that struck him made him freeze. He looked down and saw that his stab wound was covered in bandages over the shirt that he wore under the armor. He realized that it must have been clean and white before his movement because now it was starting to turn red. He must have opened the wound once again or at least pulled at the stiches. He lifted his shirt and saw his right side covered in darkened bruises. His ribs were screaming at him right now. He huffed. He was fucked up.

“Hi.” A voice said behind the couch. He turned his head and saw you. 

“You shouldn’t move too much, you were pretty bad last night.” You said approaching slowly, seeing his wide eyes and shocked expression. 

It was you. He knew it was. The kind and soft but tired tone of your voice undoubtedly yours.

He couldn’t believe it. Even after dying and years of hearing you without the possibility of answering back he had found you. Or rather, you had found him. And he had to say that you were beautiful. Reflecting outside the you that he had got to know and fell in love with. 

“I’m Y/N.”

That only served as confirmation. Happiness and fear mixing in his chest. What should he do now? He couldn’t just tell you something like: ‘Hey, it’s me, your dead soulmate.’ So, he opted for the most reasonable thing to do.

“I have to go.” He said.

Run.

However, a flash of panic made an appearance in your eyes and you moved closer to the couch, unconsciously putting yourself with arms crossed between him and the door. Did you know who he was?

When just a moment earlier you heard movement on the couch from the kitchen, you quickly went to the living room. You couldn’t let him go. Not yet. You wanted answers. You weren’t exactly sure as to what but you wanted to talk to him.

When you looked at him as if daring him to try to leave, your captivating eyes freezing him on the spot, your gaze fell to the now red patch on his torso.

“God, you’ve opened the wound.” You said quietly but with worry, you approached him to take a closer look but he flinched away and you stopped. “I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to check on the wound and change the bandage if it’s necessary.” He knew that you weren’t going to hurt him, he just didn’t know how he would react to your touch.

“Please.” He looked up at you and he knew that he would do anything that you asked of him. After having accepted that he would never meet you, this situation was making him confused, flustered and shy. Slowly, he nodded.

“Can I?” You said once you reached his side, asking permission to touch him. He nodded once again while removing his hands from the wounded area. As you removed the bandage and inspected the wound carefully, he inhaled a nervous breath and took a moment to look at you. Your eyes fixed on the problem at hand and your brows furrowed in concentration.

You looked exactly how he had pictured you while you were doing that math exam so long ago. A little smile started to form on his lips. It was real. You were here in front of him. His hand itched to touch a strand of your hair but he managed to control himself. Your gaze met up once again with his and a neutral expression returned to his face.

“I doesn’t look too bad. I think I just need to clean it. The stitches are fine.” You stated. He looked at the wound himself and ended with the same conclusion as you.

“Yes.” He confirmed. 

“He talks again.” You said without thinking. He just looked at you although it was true that he hadn’t said anything since he had panicked and tried to leave.

“Sorry.” You said with a nervous laugh. God, what the hell was wrong with you? Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you had a handsome man on your couch who casually was also Red Hood and with whom you felt an unexplainable connection. Pull yourself together, Y/N.

Jason smirked at your thought, it struck him that he could still hear you in his head even after meeting you.

“Don’t worry. It’s okay.” He said and you shyly nodded. 

“Ehm. Ahem, I think it would be easier to take care of the wound if…” You said nervously. He realized what you were saying, it was true that the stitching and patching up had been done quickly with his ripped shirt still on. 

“Yeah.” He answered. “Can you help me with it? The ribs are killing me.” You nodded and gulped to gain courage for what you were about to do. Very carefully, with his help, you took the sleeves off his arms and finally took the shirt off his head.

“Can you lay down?” You softly asked. He did as you told him so. As you began to superficially wash the wound with a wet cloth he asked you exactly what had happened and you explained how you found him, took him to Leslie and how you two had to make a quick escape. Now he owed Leslie another one. He made a mental note to when he recovered, thank her with her favorite pastries. That woman had helped him and his family more times than he could count.

“Thanks for saving me. Not many people would have done so. Especially for Red Hood.”

“Don’t thank me, it was Dr. Thompkins who did all the work.”

“I think you played the most important part.” He insisted, it made him sad to see that sometimes you still downplayed yourself.

“Alright.” You finally said. “And Gotham can’t afford to lose one of its vigilantes.” You said referring to his reputation as Red Hood. He let a small smile graze his lips and you mirrored him. A comforting silence washed over you both as you continued working on the wound. That’s when Jason’s worst thoughts started to come to him. He was drifted away to being a sixteen year old again who had just realized that there was no escape and that he was going to die.

He had felt so bad and guilty, due to his decisions, now he was going to leave you without a soulmate. He had been so scared that he wouldn’t be able to say goodbye. At least he got to hear your voice one last time, even though it broke him to hear how worried and distressed it was.

“Hey.” You said, your voice, as always, grounding him and bringing him back to the present. “I’m done.” He looked at the wound, now freshly cleaned and bandaged up. 

“Thanks.”

“It’s nothing.” You got back to your feet and shifted your stance. “I was making breakfast.”

He looked at the sun high in the sky through your window and arched an eyebrow but smiled at your comment nonetheless. “It’s past noon.”

“It’s still breakfast if it’s the first meal of the day isn’t it?”

“Can’t argue against that logic.” He said playfully while shrugging his shoulders.

As you left for the kitchen, Jason got into his own thoughts once again. He couldn’t help but think that this… This strange kind of intimacy, domesticity and familiarity that he was feeling with you right now, he might have had it much sooner if he hadn’t died. 

If things had been different, if he wasn’t who he was right now. He mourned the lost time and what would happen after he left your apartment that morning. Because even if he mustered up the courage to tell you, he was sure that you wouldn't want to have anything to do with him. He would only be a burden. 

I’m sorry. 

“Did you say something?” In his trance, Jason hadn’t even realized that you had come back with two plates of food.

“No, I didn’t.” He answered as you placed the plates on the table.

I’m sorry.

This time you were sure that someone had talked. The thing was that you didn’t see him move his lips at all, but the voice that you had heard… It was his. And the way that he said so, with sadness and regretting something… You had heard that exact same phrase once before. The night in which you had lost your soulmate.

He had said that to you before dying. And by what Leslie had said, this man that was in front of you, his name was Jason. The realization of what might be happening made you sit on the empty space of the couch next to him.

“Y/N, are you okay?” The way that he said your name. Your breathing started to quicken, you didn’t want to believe that he might be alive and here with you. You couldn’t bear the idea of losing him again but hope was installing itself quickly in your chest.

“What’s wrong?” He said with concern, a hand placing on your shoulder.

You turned to him with tears about to appear in your eyes and as your gazes met you knew that it was him. That was the feeling that had been chasing you since you found him in that alley, the idea that you wanted this man to continue being in your life.

“Jason?” Your shaky voice startling him. And that’s all that it took for him to realize that you knew and to break down. He couldn’t keep the facade up, the moment of bliss that he was having with you near, broken like glass.

“I’m sorry.” He said, this time outloud. His head down in shame. You grabbed his hands in yours, their warmth making him feel real and alive to you.

“How? You disappeared, I lost you. You… You died.” 

“It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got plenty of time.” You said, one hand came up to his cheek to make him look at you, tears in both of your eyes. Jason gave in and leaned into your touch. But against every instinct that screamed at him to stay here with you, he moved your hands away from him.

“No. I can’t stay.” Your confused and broken expression made him feel like dying again but if that was the price for saving you from wasting time with him, he would.

But your hands gripped his again and tighter this time.

“No. You are not leaving me again. I just found you. Jason, I-” You took a deep breath. “I love you.” He could only answer that with the truth.

“I love you too but-”

“Then, what’s the problem?” You inquired.

“I’m not the same person as before.”

“Me neither.”

“Y/N, listen. You’ve seen it. I’m Red Hood. I’ve done terrible things.”

“You’re keeping this city safe. You’re saving people. You’re still my Jason. Whatever you are trying, you’re not getting rid of me. You know I don’t give up easily.” A sad smile grazed his lips.

“I know.”

“Then please, tell me what happened.” You pleaded. He sighed. Since he woke up that morning and knew it was you, he had known so. That he would do anything that you asked of him.

“Okay.” He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts and you waited patiently, you could only imagine how hard this was going to be for him. “I don’t know if I’m going to be able to tell you everything right now.”

“Don’t worry. Do what you can.” You said, giving his hands a squeeze in support. He nodded and began. He didn’t go into too much detail, he wasn’t ready for that just yet, but gave an overall idea of what his life had been. How he became Robin, what led him to get killed, his resurrection, return to Gotham and fixing more or less things with his family. 

The conversation wasn’t easy for either of you but when he finished you hugged him, careful of not hurting him.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone. I wish that I could have been there.”

“You were.” He had also told you about how he could still hear you but not reach you. “Not even death can separate me from my girl.” He smoothly said while hugging you back.

Both of you had shed some tears, of sadness and regret but also of relief and happiness. When you both separated from your hug, your faces stayed inches apart.

“Are you going to leave me now?” You whispered looking at his lips and then back at his eyes.

“No. Unless you ask me to.” His eyes also moving to your lips and when he met your eyes again, you could see a question in his mesmerizing green-blue ones.

“I want you here. With me.” You replied and if you hadn’t been so close to each other he wouldn’t have been able to hear you. Your noses were touching now.

Kiss me.

And having heard in his head your response to the question that his eyes had been asking, he moved a hand to your cheek to bring you closer to him and finally closed the space between you. 

His lips moved against your soft ones slowly, wanting to savour the moment. It was just both of you now, everything else fading into oblivion, the time apart and the pain. Wanting to hold onto each other for as long as possible.

There were still a lot of things to talk about and issues to deal with but what only mattered in that moment was that your two broken hearts were finally slowly mending each other.

When the kiss ended, he chased your lips once more to give you another quick kiss, already addicted to the taste of you and you giggled. 

“I think I owe you a milkshake.” He said when the thought of that promise suddenly crossed his mind.

And you smiled holding his forehead to yours.

Please let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!

[namakes]

I had an old Splatoon hc post but I felt like writing a new one. Probably some doubled info but. Oh well.

Squid Sisters headcanons under the cut!

Callie: The younger of the Squid Sisters by about a year, she ended up taller than Marie by a couple inches. Due to mainly using roller for years in turf, ranked, and agent work (as well as being generally active), she’s also more muscular. Prefers Dynamo and Flingza types for their jump-and-swing focused playstyle. Has shared an apartment with Marie since they originally moved out of Gramps’ house, they’ve also shared a room since moving in together. Haven’t bothered upgrading to a larger apartment since the rent is good, the location is nice, and Marie really doesn’t want to move (it was a pain last time and now they have more things). Wakes up early to go for a run, often getting back as Marie is just rolling out of bed. Callie’s a good cook, and usually makes their meals. As she’s a bigfin reef squid, her tentacles, eyes, and some spots on her body are reflective. Makes taking pictures with flash difficult as her eyes end up looking like they’re glowing (which she always thinks is funny). She tends to gravitate toward things that light up, including Marie (also part of the reason the hypnoshades were so effective on her). While she’s more outgoing and energetic, she enjoys just hanging out with Marie if she doesn’t feel like going out. Isn’t a very good liar despite her acting career.

Marie: The older of the two, she was (accidentally) recruited into the New Squidbeak Splatoon by Callie back when they were just joining turf wars. Likes chargers, especially the E-liter for the range, but she’s alright with any of them. Her first weapon was a gift; a replica of Gramps’ bamboozler. Has an aversion to scopes after Callie played one too many pranks and kept looking back at her down the scope (usually ending up splatted). When Callie is away, which (thankfully) isn’t as often as it used to be, Marie frequently just orders takeout (usually because she forgets to start cooking and then she’s hungry and doesn’t want to). Will now sometimes travel with Callie if she’s leaving for a movie/series shoot, though she just hangs out in the hotel on her laptop and types up podcast scripts (or intends to but procrastinates until Callie gets back). As a firefly squid, Marie’s tentacles, eyes, and some spots on her body can emit a faint glow, matching her ink color. Only does this when she’s particularly happy/excited/etc., though she’s generally good at hiding it in her day-to-day life. Loves jokes, and her ability to tell them with a straight face always makes Callie laugh. Though not particularly clingy herself, she gets lonely quickly if Callie’s gone long.

[self-indulgent-imagination]

September, 2018 (Conclusion/Epilogue)

a/n: so, this is basically written from steve's perspective. it's slightly longer than rest of the chapters.

--------------------------------

Steve hadn’t visited his small apartment in almost two years. After returning, he had been in the Compound the whole time. The apartment was crammed with her memories, even if she hadn’t really lived there. It had been too small to accommodate both of them. But he didn’t think that he the right to go to their apartment. Not anymore. Not after the way he’d left her. And so, finally, after procrastinating for months, he was stepping into the old apartment.

He opened the mailbox, out of habit, not really expecting to find anything in there. An envelope fell out of the small box. Stuffed in that tiny space were one, two three four five six… fourteen letters! All written in that familiar handwriting that made his heart stop, stutter and then race. It made his throat ache, those war-hardened hands shake. He did not know how he managed to organise the letters and open that first one without damaging the paper inside. And the words flowed before his eyes…. “Hello, my darling, how are you doing? Oh, God, what a silly question to ask! But still, how are you? How is Bucky? Is he doing better? I hope everything’s……….”

She had written to him. His little sweetheart. She hadn’t forgotten him. She hadn’t moved on like she deserved to. She had waited for him. The thought made his chest swell just as it made his conscience prickle in guilt. She had suffered because of him. And not only her…. They had a kid. A little boy. A child she’d had on her own, when she would’ve been well within her rights not to. He wouldn’t have blamed her in the least if she had chosen not have a child alone. How could he have, when he had left her all alone! Well, he would’ve never forced her even if he had been with her. Because as much as he loved the idea of having children, he loved her reality more.

But she had had their child. And she had raised him alone for almost a year. Tears streamed down his face as he thought of her struggling alone with the child. She didn’t seem to have developed major baby blues but the possibility of it alone terrified it. He had known women, back in the day, who would fall into depression after having a kid. Some even killed themselves. His breath caught even at the thought of her struggling with it alone. Post-partum depression, they called it now.

Every plea of hers broke his heart. Every drop of tear staining the otherwise pristine paper magnified his guilt. And the last letter damn near killed him. How could she – how could she, even for a moment, think that he wouldn’t want her, that he wouldn’t want them? Didn’t she know that she was his everything, that he’d survived because of her. Her image, burned in the back of his brain, in his eyelids, had made him live through it all. He hadn’t thought that he deserved her after the way he had left her though. So, he hadn’t dared to contact her.

But of course, he hadn’t tried to meet her even after he’d come back. She’d never gotten replies to her letters. Of course, she’d think that he hadn’t wanted her, them. He was a damn right bastard for making her ever think that, he was! He had to go to her. He had to find her. He had to make this right. He had to take care of her. He would beg for forgiveness on his knees before he would even think of entering her life again but by God he was going to make this right. He loved her. He loved her, how had he even thought for the past few months that he could live without her. He had only kept thinking that he loved her, entirely forgetting that she loved him too.

He did not know how he reached her apartment or rung the doorbell. He waited, anticipation filling his belly. And she opened the door. He could only stare at her. He could only take her in, wide-eyed, same as she had been before and yet, different. She was pale, dark circles framing her eyes, her hair a mess. Tears were gathering in those perceptive eyes like dewdrops. She stood still, just as he stood still before her.

He finally came to his senses and remembered. He fell down to his knees, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, my darling… I – no, I don’t know whether I can still call you that. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you that I had to leave. I should’ve told you. I should’ve come to you after I came back. I didn’t think you’d wait for me. Never wanted you to waste your time on my sorry ass. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I will make it up to you. I will do whatever you’d like. I’m so, so sorry, sweetheart.” The treacherous terms of endearment had slipped through in spite of his best efforts. He hadn’t wanted to overstep his bounds and yet he found her within his arms. She was on her knees. His heart and mind revolted at the sight. She should never be on her knees. For nobody.

So he stood, carefully holding her like he had two years ago. Two years. For two years she had only been a thought, a fantasy, a daydream, a memory. And now, she was in his arms. Her face buried in his chest, sobs wracking her body, fingers fisting his shirt as if he would disappear if she didn’t hold him tight.

He kissed her hair. It smelled different than it had two years ago. But it was still her hair. And then his dam burst as well, and he was bawling, desecrating her beautiful hair with his tears and snot. But he couldn’t care less because she didn’t care. His hand ran over her hair, her back. He kept kissing her hair as if to remind himself, to remind her, that this wasn’t a fantasy.

Their reunion was only broken by a small “Da-da” sounding from inside. They moved in, his shirt still fisted in her small hands, his hands wound around her shoulder, pressing her into his side so hard that her shoulder bone dug into his chest, her elbow in his stomach. He relished it. It was a remined that she was here.

And there he was. Their kid. Their Jamie. (Our Jamie, she’d called him.) A smile broke through their tears. Jamie stayed away from him, running to his mother, clinging to her legs.

“Yes, Jamsie, Dada is here.” And wind was knocked out of him once more. Her voice. After two years. The same sweet, gentle voice. Calling him Dada. Telling their son to call him Dada. He smiled at the kid as gently as he could.

He hardly knew what happened next. He had vague memories of speaking with the kid and laughing. There was a lot of laughter, a rarity for him in the last two years. It was happy laughter. He never once stopped touching her throughout the time. He couldn’t not touch her, now that she was here. They put Jamie to sleep. Steve had always had a way with kids. Jamie hadn’t taken lone to warm up to him.

And now, with Jamie asleep, they were alone. Sitting at the kitchen table. He looked at her with trepidation, his hand holding hers. She looked down. Her small voice reached his ears, “Why didn’t you every reply?”

He sucked in a breath, “I – I… I just got the letters today.” Her head shot up in surprise, eyes wide, gleaming with hope. He continued, “The letters were in my mailbox in the old apartment. After the – well, after I was back, I couldn’t go back there. Too many memories. Yours. Ours. I didn’t dare to go back until today. Even today, Bucky damn near forced me.” He let out a laugh, a small, nervous thing.

He looked down at her small hands enclosed in his large ones, “I didn’t think you’d wait. I almost didn’t want you to wait. I’d left you all alone without a word. How could I expect you to wait?”

“Steve,” her voice was choked, cracking towards the end. Her throat must’ve been aching, an idle thought crossed his mind. He poured water in a glass and held it to her lips, he wasn’t quite ready to let go of her hands yet.

“No,” he told her, in that tender, broken voice, “call me Stevie, doll.”

Once again, a sob broke free of her. He held her on his lap. She kept whispering “Stevie” against his neck.

That night, after two years, Y/N slept with her Stevie’s strong arms around her. Steve retired from the Avengers the next day. After all, he had only ever wanted to hold her in his arms. And now, their kid.

And with that, concluded their epistolary love.

-------------------------------------

a/n: so that brings us to the conclusion of this series... i have mixed feelings about this one, bc this is the first series that i've completed. but then, i lost motivation halfway so it didn't quite turn out the way i wanted it to...

anyway, i hope y'all liked it and that the end was satisfying! do let me know what you think.. i love listening to y'all and i only managed to stick through this and complete it bc of your precious comments! so thank you to all of you who have commented or reblogged! if there's any content you'd like me to write, related to this series or something else, do send in requests...

take care, and be safe!

ohh yeah, wanted to add.. even though this is a series which deals with unplanned pregnancy that is carried through, i don't intend to glorify it. whether or not to carry a pregnancy or choose abortion is the choice of woman in question and her alone and it should be respected at all costs. this story represents an individual woman who chose to carry through, not because she felt morally obligated but bc she really wanted the child. the way i see it, y/n would fully support it if someone else chose abortion. she is very much pro-choice.

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taglist: @austynparksandpizza

[khaotic-kitsunes]

Excuse you?! How dare, how fucking dare!

All of your requests are official, officially amazing and on an ‘immediately write this’ sort of schedule! Buttt on a serious note, wow it’s weird as hell seeing you in my actual askbox instead of my messages! I ALSO had to make a god damn header image for this too because I’m committed at this stage, which is a part of the reason why this took so long to post...the other part is I’m a procrastinating lil’ shit hahahah

As always, hope you enjoy this @himawari-senpaii​

May the angst be with you~

🥃 AO3 🥃 || ✉️My Askbox✉️ || 💬Discord💬

Cheeky Kitsune 🦊💋

.

Fatgum / Taishiro Toyomitsu

 .

🍡 It was over nothing. Something small and insignificant, but strangely neither of you could drop the argument. Instead of walking away to simmer off and apologise later, you kept disagreeing; you kept pushing.

🍡 Right up until Taishiro slammed his hands down onto the kitchen table that stood between the both of you, the sudden and terrifyingly loud noise silencing you in an instant.

🍡 Taishiro had been silenced by something else though. His argument had died off when he saw the way you jumped in response, nearly tripping over yourself to step away from him. To put distance between the two of you.

🍡 He could see the panic in your eyes, the fear.

🍡 No noise was made as Taishiro closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm himself of the stupidly unneeded anger that had been bubbling up inside of him; willing it to disappear until he was calm enough to right the fear reflecting in your eyes.

🍡 Despite being such a large man, standing at a full 8’2” inches tall, he was good at approaching frightened people. It came with the job.

🍡 And so, when he knew he would have the patience to help you, he opened his eyes and moved to approach. Slowly, with movements you could both see and understand; reaching out towards you with his palm facing up. Not quite daring to touch you until he knew you would be comfortable with it.

🍡 “Baby doll, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare ya…c’mere…you know I won’t ever hurt ya” – He spoke softly, the sort of tone someone would use for a lost or injured animal; the kind of voice that made you want to run into his warm embrace.

 .

 .

Lemillion / Mirio Togata

 .

🥞 Mirio rarely gets upset when he isn’t working as a pro-hero and even then, it’s an unusual sight; villains are the only ones that get to see his enraged moments.

🥞 Which is what threw you off most when you were arguing with the blonde bombshell of a man; it was over something silly. Unimportant. But in no time at all, it had turned into angry remarks and hurt feelings.

🥞 Shouting followed soon after. That’s when you had thrown in the towel, deciding it was better to leave the conversation for a time when Mirio wasn’t so wound up; but when you tried to leave the room, he had grabbed a hold of your arm.

🥞 While it hadn’t been enough to hurt you, it was enough to startle you into knocking over a nearby object. Though you had no idea what it was until you heard it; the shattering sound of your dearly loved vase. The one with sunflowers that Mirio had brought you as a present for your first anniversary with him.

🥞 Mirio had gone silent at the way you recoiled from the sudden noise, his grip on you disappearing and allowing you to flee the room before you had enough time to process what had happened.

🥞 It had taken Mirio longer than he wanted to admit before he went to check on you, he had actually left the shared home for a few hours; long enough for you to tidy up the broken vase.

🥞 When he found you in the house, you were sitting quietly in the kitchen with some glue and red stained fingertips; trying your best to fix the old anniversary gift with little to no luck and a lot of accidents.

🥞 “…(Name)…? I’m…I’m sorry about earlier, scaring you like that…” – Mirio’s voice was barely above a whisper as he approached the kitchen table, gently setting down a rather large brown bag before moving to kiss the top of your head despite the way you ignored his presence.

🥞 You hadn’t had plans to forgive him yet, the present had meant a lot to you and now that it was broken; you were left feeling strange. Upset. Confused and unsure as to what was going to happen next.

🥞 But that changed the moment Mirio removed the contents of the brown bag he had brought in, a replica of the broken vase now sitting safely in the middle of the kitchen table.

🥞 An apology given without needing to be asked for. It was all you needed to know that he really did care about you, that he hadn’t meant for things to get so out of hand earlier in the day.

 .

 .

Suneater / Tamaki Amajiki

 .

🐙 For Tamaki, loud arguments with you was something that never happened; he was too anxious for such things on a normal day. However, weeks of late nights and early mornings left you in bed without him most of the time and it was beginning to eat away at the both of you.

🐙 He had gotten home around lunch time for the first time in a long time and his mood wasn’t the best, then again, yours wasn’t much better. Especially when he announced that he had asked for the rest of the day off to come home.

🐙 That’s what had started it. You were hurt by the simple statement, not having realised that he could request to come home earlier than he was asked to; but what hurt most was how uncaring Tamaki seemed to be when you voiced such complaints to him.

🐙 It only took a few minutes before Tamaki was arguing back with you, his words short and sharp; the complete opposite to the usual Tamaki you loved. The Tamaki that was warm and gentle with you, the Tamaki that always seemed to be able to split up his time between work and home just right.

🐙 You had actually flinched away from him when he raised his voice, the loud command for you to shut up completely silencing you and while that was exactly what he had been after; you could see how horrified he was at himself for actually shouting at you.

🐙 It was an alarming change in pace for the two of you and when Tamaki reached out for you, his mouth opening to let out an apology you could see written all over his features.

🐙 You ran.

🐙 You left the house and in doing so, you also left behind your keys and phone by mistake; giving Tamaki no way of contacting you. Which destroyed him.

🐙 It was hours before you were found again and even then, Fatgum had been the one to find you; having been searching along with Tamaki and Eijiro. Though they had split up to cover more ground.

🐙 Once you had been checked for injuries, Fatgum took you back to his office with a casual conversation about how hectic things had been over the past few weeks and how grateful he was for Tamaki’s help.

🐙 A conversation you weren’t so keen to have, but one you ended up being grateful for. Giving out information that you hadn’t been aware of, leaving you feeling more than a little ashamed at how selfish you had been to be angry at Tamaki for not asking to come home early sooner.

🐙 He had been flat out helping Fatgum and doing his best to come home to you each day.

🐙 By the time Tamaki had returned to Fatgum’s office after getting the call that you were safe and sound, you were practically in tears and apologising to him relentlessly while he held you close. Mumbling about how happy he was that you were safe, his own apologies for shouting almost burying your own.

🐙 The goodbye to Fatgum and Eijiro was awkward, they had heard everything through the walls and were trying their best not to let you know that they had heard while you thanked them for searching for you.

🐙 With the stressful events of the day over with, you finally got to go to bed with Tamaki; safely snuggled up against his side, enjoying his loving embrace and soft mumbles of affection.

[the-witty-pen-name]

Wallflower

18+ ONLY 

Ezra (Prospect) x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.2k 

Warnings: fluff, mutual pining, cursing, smut, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), masturbation, dirty dreams, implies age gap (reader is in 20s+/of age, just younger than Ezra)

No use of (y/n) in this one!

A/N: I know this was not one of the things I should be working on, and I procrastinated on my coursework yet again to write fan fic. I’m so in love with Ezra and I have wanted to write something for this character for a while. It’s my first time writing for him and I was so intimidated to write something about him because his manner of speaking is so unique that I’m worried I won’t do him justice! Hopefully you all enjoy! 

Next thing I post will be the final part of Rest! It is currently in progress! 

I will be updating my taglist form soon to include Ezra and other Pedro characters I write for so check out for that if you want to be tagged in future fics! 

This is unedited and if I miss something to tag as a warning please let me know!

Tags and Requests and OPEN

“Ezra, for once can you please shut the fuck up. You’re driving me crazy,” you sigh, pulling off your helmet as you both return to your shared pod. It was a fairly long trek from the mining site back to your makeshift home and Ezra, being himself, talked the whole time- not once missing a beat.

“Not once have I ever had the pleasure of conversing with one as eloquently a sweet talker as yourself,” Ezra winks, making you roll your eyes. You weren’t actually mad at him, you could never, but one of the side effects of Ezra was limited moments of peace and quiet. In many ways, you and Ezra were very similar, and it made you really compatible partners.

But unlike Ezra, you really enjoyed quiet. Ezra, on the other hand, has had more than his fill of quiet for his lifetime and he basked in the ability to vocalize his every passing thought to you. It wasn’t often you felt the need to tell him to stop, but today had been particularly challenging and you couldn’t think of anything else besides the quiet of night and a good rest.

Ezra and you worked well because you were so much alike, but your differences also paired you two nicely. Ezra was without a doubt the biggest and most long-winded talker you had ever met and you were the best listener, opting to be the silent one in the conversation more times than not. You weren’t necessarily shy, just someone of a quieter nature. You mostly kept to yourself, by choice really, while Ezra struggled with solitude, it was one of the strengths of yours that you were able to endure it better than he could.

When you first met Ezra, he had called you wallflower, cause frankly you were one. Settled in the far corner of the pod with your notebook in hand, sketching instead of talking with the rest of the crew, Ezra made the effort to saunter over to you and made it his personal mission since day one to break you out of your shell. Made sure during mealtimes, he sat next to you, talked to you, asked you questions. Frankly, you owe the friendship you have with him now to his openness and talkative nature.

“Flower, I hope my parley on the trek back didn’t offend,” he says as he sheds off his suit.

“Not at all,” you say with a small smile, “Sometimes my meter runs out on my ability to listen. Tires me out.”

“I suppose I can understand,” Ezra replies, “I honestly seem to have the opposite problem, all my years in the Green, I never had the pleasure of someone to listen to besides my lonesome. Now that I have you, I find myself utterly unable to suppress my desire of spoken prose and I’m afraid I do tend to take advantage of your gentle nature.”

You nod, understanding him very well. It was coming up on seven months since you and Ezra had been on your own. The other three members of your crew had parted ways with you both, seeking out a better treasure.

Ezra, knowing what this planet and greed does, insisted on just doing his job and leaving, and you strongly agreed. It had been so long since the three of them went off for the buried riches, and you don’t even know if they will be returning to your pod at your scheduled time of departure in a few months’ time. Ezra told you stories about how he’s witnessed this job change people, and how he’s seen planets swallow up one’s humanity with no forgiveness. He was doubtful that any of them would return, and you were now starting to realize that his prediction since the beginning was correct.

Once your suit was off and put away, you smoothed out your hair as best you could by touch without a mirror, and headed over to the storage cubby where you both had your rations and grabbed you both a bar. You tossed one over to Ezra and he caught it effortlessly. Peeling back the wrapper of yours, you took a bite and collapsed on your cot.

“I never thought I’d miss those meals they served in the mess hall up in the station,” you comment, “I’d take a portion of those watery mashed potatoes and mystery meatloaf in a heartbeat if it meant I never had to touch one of these bars again.”

Your words made Ezra chuckle, his laugh deep and husky. You loved it. Your chest always swelled with pride just a tad when you had the ability to make him laugh or smile. More often, it was always him getting those reactions from you with his words and you liked the feeling when you were able to return the favor.

You closed your eyes, not falling asleep, just letting them rest while you chewed the rubbery ration. Ezra, tore through his always rather quickly, and he noticed that you still tried to savor yours despite your complaints. Like the taste, even though lacking and the texture terrible, was still like a reward for completing another hard day’s work. He admired that about you. You hadn’t been working this job as many years as him, as he was a few (plus a few more) years your senior. The things about this job he’s long since ignored or has gotten used to, still affected you. You still tried to taste your food, instead of scoffing it down like him and other seasoned prospectors.

“I can feel you staring, Ezra,” you say, breaking him out of his thoughts. He felt flushed knowing that he had been caught. It wasn’t intentional, more and more it was hard to keep his mind clear of thoughts of you.

“Sorry, flower,” he mutters, and you smirk, rendering him speechless for the first time all day.

It was undeniable that Ezra’s feelings for you were bubbling up closer and closer to the surface each passing day he spent in your company. You grounded him in ways he hadn’t realized he had needed. He needed someone to reign in his ramblings and tether him back when he lets his mind wander too deep. He needed you. There was this dependency that tied him to you now more than he ever experienced with another partner. It was friendship, sure. But he’s been friendly with partners past, and not once has he felt about them what he feels towards you.

He was a hopeless romantic, his thoughts of love and relationships were as poetic as the words he spoke. Yearning, completely head over heels, his mind constantly cluttered with scenarios of the ways he would court and win your affection if there was no inkling that lingered in his mind that was there to remind him it was a bad idea. You were much more practical than he ever hoped to be, much more wired for logic than he was. However, Ezra was blissfully unaware of how he had begun to rub off on you.

You found yourself daydreaming, caught up in your own little fantasies and escapes from reality, far more often than you had ever in your lifetime. Ezra, always the star at the center of it all. Living a life where you could stay with him somewhere more permanent, different career that didn’t require you both to float from planet to planet, chasing after prizes that weren’t actually yours- you just acted as a vessel, a taxi service for someone else’s riches.

You imagine scenarios where you would have met Ezra at a different time, or a different place. However, you often scolded yourself for allowing your stupid crush to occupy so much of your time. You were here for a job. And then you will leave and move on to your next one like always. It would be too painful to face rejection anyways, you reason. You can imagine the look on his face, thinking about the nicest way possible to reject you. That’s what you want to avoid, the pity. The niceties that will be forced after his inevitable rejection. The first friendship you’ve had the pleasure of having in years are gone just like that.

The pod was more spacious than the pod you would’ve been issued had it just been you and Ezra since the beginning. Two people sharing a pod designed for six felt much more like a livable space. More leg room, more spaces for privacy, it felt a little more like a studio apartment special wise than a glorified tent. You had even pushed a couple of the standard issue cots together and secured them tightly. You had the luxury of an extra pillow, and two of the thin mattress pads- it was like you had a full-size bed, with a beam running down the middle you did your best to cover by overlapping the mattress pads in the center. It was the most comfortable sleeping arrangement you’ve ever had on these expeditions.

Ezra and you strung a line across where both of your makeshift beds were positioned in the pod, and you hung a tarp across the line to make yourselves a privacy curtain. It was like you had your own room and he had his own as well. Ezra’s side was a little cleaner than yours, yours was a little cluttered with little mementos you find and want to bring back with you. Rocks, or small geodes… occasionally you’d bring back small plants that you double checked were nontoxic and you had them set up in makeshift planters- one of the crewmates that left abandoned an extra helmet that was damaged, and now you have an obscure green and purple plant sprouting up proudly from it.

Ezra’s side was much more standard. He had a pile of his old books, all of them weathered, looking like they’d been through hell and back. He had field books, and notebooks that held his years of accumulated knowledge of how he’s survived the Green. He ended up copying your bedding arrangement, and he agreed it was the most comfortable bed he’s had in years. He said it felt like a luxury a prospector like himself didn’t deserve. He also had a small collection of rocks that lined the ledge behind his bed. Little gifts from you, all of them.

“This one reminded me of you,” you’d say, passing him a unique rock while you struggled to keep the handful of the others you collected balanced in your hands. The grin on your face when you’d collect the little things was one of his favorite sights. When the partition that separated the beds was opened, it was a comical sight. Like a bedroom of a married couple on old television shows, where they had different beds and each side was decorated to that person’s tastes. Most of the time though, the partition was closed.

It made changing easier, the bathrooms and showers in pods no matter the occupancy size always had small, cramped bathrooms. However, it created a false sense of privacy because it did absolutely nothing in terms of suppressing noises. Ezra sometimes babbled nonsense in his sleep. The man literally unable to stop talking even when he was rendered unconscious. Most of the times it was completely incomprehensible, not even sounding like real words. Sometimes you’d hear a sentence maybe, but without knowing his dreams it was still alien to you. It was comforting to you hearing him on the other side of the partition, and knowing he was right on the other side made it easier for you to sleep.

Tonight, was no different, curled up in your bed, you were drifting off to sleep while Ezra had long fallen asleep before you. The weight of today’s expedition felt like it melted right off of your body as soon as your head hit the pillow. You were close to falling asleep, just savoring the moments of comfort before letting your mind drift when you heard Ezra say your name on the other side of the makeshift wall.

“What is it, Ezra?” you whisper, grumbling that he interrupted you right before falling asleep. He doesn’t respond, and instead you hear a low snore on the other side. He must’ve fallen back asleep, you figure, closing your eyes. They shoot open a few minutes later when he repeats your name again, but this time it’s a deep moan. His voice was husky and it sent a vibration right up the back of your spine. Your eyes widened at the realization that on the other side of the curtain, Ezra was dreaming about you. You shivered when he let out another involuntary, low groan. If you hadn’t been listening you probably wouldn’t have even heard it.

What do you do? You mind is racing with trying to figure out how to handle this situation. Do you wake him up? You also try your hardest to ignore how every small noise on the other side of the curtain is just going right to your core, making your thighs squeeze together while you keep your own arousal at bay. It was wrong of you to listen in, but you really don’t have much of a choice. You force yourself to take a few unsteady breaths to calm yourself, but it does nothing to ease you in your shocked state. Kevva, the noises he was making were like music. You often wondered what he would sound like. His voice on its own is already so perfect. But in this context? You wanted to hear nothing else.

You don’t even know how long you lay on your bed paralyzed before the temptation becomes too much and you are sliding one hand down the length of your torso and into your sleep shorts. You delicately slide your hand under your dampened underwear and your fingers instinctively find your clit. You bite your lip, trying your best to suppress the whimpers that escape your lips as you think about the man behind the partition. Your months of pining for him you finally let yourself submit to.

It had been a while. There was no privacy on the pod at any moment. When someone was using the shower, from the other room everyone could always hear the rustling around, if they were humming. It was better to just not try at all. The risk of getting caught was always too high. This was the first time you acknowledged and succumbed to your desires this entire mission. It had been so difficult to avoid, but now, you are taking advantage of the opportunity presenting itself to you. You weren’t even thinking twice, just closing your eyes and imaging the fingers inside you belonged to Ezra. You were so caught up in your own pleasure, you hadn’t noticed that Ezra’s side of the room had fallen silent.

Ezra sat up on his bed, His eyes fixated completely on the tarp that was the only thing separating him from you. He felt shameful, waking up from another dream about you. He woke up hard, and he felt immensely guilty. Then he heard your soft moans you were trying so hard to hold back. Now he sat on his bed, completely captivated by the noises on the other side, while he pleaded with himself to either make a move or just try to ignore it and get a few more hours of sleep. He snapped when he heard his name fall off your lips in a small whisper.

“I can feel you staring, Ezra,” he hears you say on the other side of the curtain. He smiles, probably ear to ear like a goddamn dopey teenager. He stands up and pulls the curtain back, and his breath catches in his throat at the sight of you laid out. You had stopped, knowing your statement would cause him to pull the curtain back, but the evidence of what you were doing still lingered- your hair sprawled out messy on the pillow, your sleepshirt haphazardly pushed up exposing the smooth skin and curves to him, the slick on your fingertips and the small wet spot on the front of your shorts. You looked up at him with doe eyes and he thought he might collapse on the floor at the sight of you.

“Flower,” he whispers breathlessly in the dark. The only light coming in was from the moonlight outside from the small window on your side you had opened. He thought you looked ethereal, a sight to behold that he was not worthy of gazing upon. He’s speechless. You can’t quite make out his facial expression in the dark and you mistake his breathless tone for discomfort.

“I’m so sorry,” you say, sitting up slightly. “I just... I heard you dreaming about me; we don’t have to bring this up again. Its just loneliness getting to me…”

He tentatively kneels down in front of your bed and you move to hide your face in the pillow so you don’t have to face him. He gently cups your face in his hand, and guides you back to face him. He actually says your name, and you might die hearing it on his lips.

“If what you say is true, and this is nothing more than a lapse in judgement, fueled by the loneliness of the Green, I swear to you I shall never as I live hold this moment against you, and you and I shall commence in the morning living like it never happened. But, if there is any chance these feelings that I have harbored for you are reciprocated, please grant me this opportunity to show you how much I am completely transfixed by you.”

You are now the one rendered speechless as you try to process the new information and the proposal Ezra has offered you. You are having difficultly allowing yourself to believe any of this or anything he says is true. Part of you was wondering if this was part of a dream and you hadn’t yet realized you were asleep. You had to reach out and touch his face, feeling his stubble under your touch, any sort of evidence to know he was physically right there.

“You’re real,” you mumble to yourself, and he chuckles. He takes the hand which you had rested on his face and he presses a kiss to your wrist.

“The number of times I have thought the same thing about you,” he mutters, moving your hand to press a gentle kiss to the back of it. “Flower, please…”

“This is more than a just a whim,” you admit, exhaling shakily, “Ezra… I love you.”

“Oh, how I’ve longed to hear those gracious words on your lips, flower,” he smiles, his gaze not breaking from your face.

You lean forward, capturing his lips in a kiss, unable to take being separated from him anymore. You move your lips against his and you can feel his smile as he moves to position himself on top of you, not even needing to break the kiss. Your limbs tangle with his, and you run your hands through his tousled curls, wanting to just let your hands touch every part of him that he would let you. He rests on hand on the back of your neck, while he uses the other to keep himself from putting all of his weight on you.

“You’re bewitching,” he says softly, as he pulls away from your lips to leave a trail of kisses and bites down your neck and collar bone. “Your beauty is unmatched by anything these tired eyes have ever witnessed,” he praises, as his hands move to slide nimbly under the fabric of your shirt.

He plans to take his time, to completely worship every part of your body and vocalize in every way how beautiful you are and how much he cares for you. His moments are slow, and sensual, making you feel like complete putty in his hands. He wants to savor absolutely every part of this shared moment. For so long has he dreamed about this, and so far, everything about you- your noises, your soft skin, all so much better than he ever envisioned. His calloused hands savor every inch of you they graze, committing how every part of you feels to his memory.

His moustache and stubble leave goosebumps behind on every part of your skin he kisses. He leaves a trail of marks behind that with time will definitely darken into small bruises, evidence he can gaze upon tomorrow to remind him this all was not just a dream. In his head, he pleads with his maker that if this is a dream may he please never wake up and suspend him in this sleep state forever. A small price to pay to have you entangled in his arms.

“I love you,” he repeats over and over as he kisses down your body, pressing kisses to every inch he can see and touch, just like he’s wanted to for so long in these strenuous months. His movements are gently, and you moan softly at the sensation of his knuckles grazing your skin as he pulls your shorts and underwear down your legs, leaving you know completely bare in front of him.

“I want to spend the rest of my days between these thighs,” he mumbles, pressing kisses to your inner thighs and his hands grab them and pull them apart gently. Like a man starved, his tongue works skillfully, giving you so much attention. Your hands tangle in his hair, and he sucks on your clit, making you cry out in pleasure. He loves the reactions he can elicit from you and he loves the taste of you. You’re as touched starved as he is and he wants nothing more than to stay between your legs for hours as you moan praises, and shudder under his touch. You back arches and you can’t help but squirm at the sensations, but he holds your legs gently, keeping you in place. The first time he brings you to orgasm is by his tongue, and you can taste yourself on his lips when he finally comes up for air.

You can’t even think of anything to say to reciprocate his words, your mind is hazy and you’re overcome with the feeling. He doesn’t seem to mind, and the look on his face almost proves how proud he is to be the one who’s the cause of your current state. He’s just so wrapped up in how your body is responding to his every move, he doesn’t care you’re completely speechless. The feeling of it all was just too much to try to attempt vocalizing coherent thoughts.

When he finally pushes himself inside you, it completely takes your breath away. He makes sure to go slow, taking his time and letting you adjust. He also needs to steady himself, because the feeling of you wrapped around him is incredible. It’s perfect, and he wants to take his time, but your so tight and feel so good, and it’s been so long since he’s experienced such an intimacy.

“You’re perfect,” you moan softly at the feeling of how he stretches you.

The compliments that fall from your lips, go right to his head, inflating his ego. His kisses become more frantic, and passionate. His hands shamelessly wander the length of your body, groping at the flesh, wanting to just worship every part of you, to just touch every part of you. His rhythm is slow at first, not wanting to cause you any discomfort, but you wrap your legs around his waist and pull him in closer and his mind is frenzied at the sensation. His movements become much more sporadic, chasing his relief as you cry out how close you are as your face rests in the crook of his neck, leaving kisses and bites on his neck, leaving your own marks on him like you were returning the favor.

“Cum inside me, Ezra,” you whisper, nibbling his ear and he groans hearing something only in his dreams manifest in the flesh. “It’s safe.”

He bites his lip and you tug gently on the ends of his hair, a moaning mess under him. The way your face contorts when you orgasm for the second time and the sensation of your release is the final sensation that triggers his own. He collapses on top of you, resting his face in the crook of your neck, whispering again how perfect you are before pulling out and rolling over to lay beside you.

You both are breathing heavily, glistening with sweat and feeling euphoric after coming down from the high. Your chests rise and fall as you both work to catch your breath before either of you speak. It’s a comfortable silence, both of you trying to recover. He looks over to you, and you match his gaze. You roll over onto your stomach and rest your head on his chest, taking a few moments before cleaning up. You rest your arm across his torso and he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you closer.

Here, in the depths of this dangerous planet, you felt safe in his arms. The excruciatingly long days of physical labor, chasing after promises of riches feel fruitless now more than ever, because the best thing you ever found in the Green had been right next to you the entire time.

General Taglist:

@sassy-kassaay​

@letsfly-andbe-free

[imagines-hoarder]

The Older Man (Pt 2) *smut*- Thomas Shelby

Request// Hey! Will you post a part 2 of “The Older Man”? I would be the happiest person alive =)

*After two years of sitting on the sidelines and focusing on school, I decided to use writing as a way to procrastinate from classes instead of the other way around. Family Divided and My Husband’s Brother fans are gonna kill me cause they have DEFINITELY been waiting longer; maybe more to come? I do also wanna give a little warning; I have not written a full work for this blog in two years and the first part of this story was the peak of my passion. I wanted to give y’all the smut you loved but wasn’t in the mood for angst so let me know if you have any storylines you have in mind for these two and we’ll see how long I’m around for? Please be gentle with my heart! xoxox*

Masterlist

(Part 1)

For those who know him, Tommy is predictable.

When you took a moment to finally watch the man who you had craved for years, you had noticed that he had a routine of his own that ran deeper than his calendar could account for. He was always awake before the sun, and you could only rely on him to find stillness for four hours a night; six if he could find peace. He’d spend the mornings at Charlie’s yard with the horses as day broke and would spend the coming hours in one of his factories across Small Heath. You had spent many years visiting him strictly on Wednesdays for your pay, but he now knew that a sultry touch could convince you just enough to have lunch with him before you left. He’d leave far after the last machine had ground to a halt and his final employee had clocked out. If he was lucky, you would stop by on your way home on the days of your choosing, but time had soon taught him to expect you at random. It had become his welcomed reprieve from drinking alone.

After eight months of finding yourself endlessly tangled into this circumstance with Thomas, you had settled into strange domesticity that was only possible with a man as destructive and dangerous as Tommy.

The smell of his cigarettes reached your nose the moment you unlocked your apartment. He was visible to you only in the dark by the embers glowing between his fingertips. 

“While I enjoy your covert visits as much as the next woman, I thought you would know better than sneaking up one armed with iron by now,” you proclaimed as you brought the room into further clarity by turning on the lamps. A cheeky grin was already stuck to your face by the time you could see him sitting in the wingback chair left by the last tenant. “Frankly, I’m surprised you found your way here before midnight.”

Once you had left Tommy’s office following your first fling, it didn’t take much time and even less convincing for you to find your own flat. It was close to your parents but far enough to keep them from ever knowing how the Tommy they doted on for years was defiling their only child in the dead of night. He didn’t live there, but it’s where he could be found most nights for the few hours he did sleep.

“Is it a crime to want to see you? Haven’t stopped thinking about you since you came to the office two days ago.” He looked so settled in a chair that was so beneath him, common man’s furniture that had faced many years of wear on the leather and scars on the legs.

“Well, sorry to keep you waiting, Mr.Shelby. I had a commitment to attend to this evening.” You moved to grab the empty glass resting loosely in his hands. He took a moment to notice you, no doubt arriving home from a local club. 

“A business commitment, I presume,” he called to you as you walked to the bar, pouring a glass of whiskey for yourself before refilling his own. “Can’t think of a man special enough to see you in such a state.”

You look down at your dress, an attractive piece of fabric that fashionably displayed your assets between layers of chiffon and beading. Your unruly hair had been pinned to display your mischievous eyes and the rouge in your cheeks. “Other than the present company, only the one I shot in the chest an hour ago. He was working for the Italians.”

He gave you a mere nod before you journey back to him. “At least he got a pretty view at the end of his life, didn’t he?”

His warm fingers brushed yours as you returned his glass, putting out his cigarette in the nearby dish before finding a reason to settle. His free hand pulled you to rest with him in the rundown chair, feeling the warmth of his lap underneath you and enjoying the feeling on his palm splayed on your lower back.

“I’m sure there are other things he would have preferred to see at death’s door,” you spoke gently, only loud enough for him to hear as you washed down the night with a gulp from your own glass. “Though I can’t tell if you're jealous or excited at the prospects.” He grunted before emptying his glass again.

“I have nothing to worry about. Couldn’t give a fuck about other men; just my best girl.”

“I’d say you’ve gone soft on me, Thomas, but I can feel how hard you are.” You assumed the waiting and outfit had quickly got the best of him as you felt him against you, his rigid facade contradicting the yearning you knew he felt. You slowly rotated on his lap to face him, your legs positioned to relax on either side of him. You slowly pulled the pins from your hair as he watched, letting it fall into its natural state before pushing the wayward strands behind your ear. “You’re the only one who calls me a girl anymore. I’ve been a woman for a while now, Tommy,” your hands trailed down to his trousers, slowly unveiling what you so eagerly pined for. Warm. He was warm all over and his gaze felt light fire on your face, the glasses finding themselves near the smoldering cigarette as your hand grazed deeper into his pants. “and for many, I am what death looks like.”

His lips crushed yours in a manner all but patient, his hands tangled between your hair and the back of your dress, aching to release you from all barriers between you. His lips sunk to your jaw and neck as he revealed your bare torso, leaving behind a trail of lustful caresses. You took the earliest opportunity to find balance on the ground and slipped out of the dress that pooled at your waist, tugging away your undergarments with it. By the time you had finished, Tommy’s chest was bare and you had the pleasure of freeing his member before you reclaimed your throne on top of him, calves rubbing against the firm leather of the chair.

Your weight sunk onto your knees and you felt him fill you. It was as if it were your first time again; so raw and natural as if he didn’t already own a part of you that you only now realized existed. The room brimmed with your sharp moans and Tommy’s heavy pants as you bounced on top of him. You tried to feel every bit of this moment without getting lightheaded; you didn’t know if he was pulling you closer or you were pushing yourself towards him as the coil snapped in your stomach. Your hands found their way to the nape of his neck before you let out a shaky whine in his shoulder.

“No, not yet, love,” he cooed as your soft body began to relax in his grip. It would be a sweet yet peculiar notion, to think the night was over so quickly over. You felt your legs slide from the chair as Tommy pulled you to the ground and you naturally found your position. Your hips were lifted as he reached for them and your shoulders fell to the ground. With your cheek to the floor, you could see him in your periphery, the man with a calloused touch that had reached the most inner parts of your desires. “I’m not done with you yet.”

He pushed himself inside of you, and the cry that left your throat was lewder than you could have expected. As you held onto the legs on the worn chair, Tommy only thrusted deeper between your legs. By the time he was pressed fully against you, he was bucking at a pace of his own. “For fuck’s sake, Tommy!”

He bent against you, and his chest was against your curved back, now roping his arm around your waist so every inch of you was connected to him. “They may see you as a woman out there. But in my office, in your bed...on this bloody fucking chair, you’ll always be my girl,” he gritted out. His breath was hot against your ear as he came deep inside of you, bathing in the thrill of filling you up.

All the noise faded while sweat and slick dried between your bodies. His head rested between your shoulder blades as you laid between his arms on the floor. You weren’t sure how long you laid there, moments or millennia, before you unwound your limbs from his, grabbing your pile of clothes in the process.

“I nearly died in your arms tonight,” he said with a trace of humor on his lips. You tossed him his clothes before you pulled on your bloomers.

“It’s not your time yet, old man.” The glare you received had become a familiar friend in the past year. You knew that behind his scold, he was watching you as if you were art in the making; beauty in the moonlight that he didn’t deserve.

Tommy is predictable. He always had a card up his sleeve, something holding unexpected pleasures or unforeseen schematics. The longer you knew him, the more you were sure that he would always be one step ahead of those who thought they had him pinned. Maybe that's why you kept coming back to him. He was reckless and sometimes detached in order to stay ahead, but he was always calculated and cared for you in a way only a man like him could. He fulfilled a hunger no drug, no fortune, and no other man could ever satiate in you.

He took your hand in his, his rough palms soothing to your senses. “Then we must make all the little moments count until then.” He left hot kisses up your wrist and forearm. “Marry me, Y/N.” You scoffed with a laugh bubbling in your throat, pulling away from him as you walked to your room. You needed a bath more than a joke at the moment. “I’m serious, love. Marry me and I’ll give you a house with endless corridors and new furniture.”

“Maybe I don’t want to marry you, Thomas,” you teased from the other room.

“And maybe I only want to fuck a young woman I’m married to.”

“Then you’ve become quite the prude in the last five minutes!” 

You could retort day and night, but you knew a ring would be on your finger by next week, whether you had blatantly said yes or not. You would never admit it, but you knew that Tommy saw you as predictable too.

Cuties who have asked me to tag them at some point: @buckybarnesisalittleshit @moonlxghtbay @roliepoliegirl  @iamafancygirl @eggingamazinglove @characterobsessed (if you want to be untagged, please message me!)

[itsstrange]

I’ll Be Here

Adam Ruzek x Reader

A/N: Here’s something short for y’all meanwhile I continue to procrastinate with other stories 💗I haven’t posted in a few days due to certain things happening in my life, so I wanted to drop something here for y’all. ✨

Summary: After a tough case everyone is in much need of a few drinks, Reader taking the case a lot more harder, decides to down her sorrows shot after shot, leaving her unstable to get home. Ruzek, being the ever loving gentleman and partner volunteers to take the Reader home. During the process of doing so, Reader accidentally slips her true feelings towards the man.

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: Alcohol, highly intoxication, Mentions of Violence, Ruzek being a gentleman, comfort, kissing,

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ENJOY!! ✨

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“‘Nother one,” You mumble, tapping a finger on the rim of the shot glass,

Greg, the bartender, who you learned through a blurry version, gives you an unsure look, but the one you give in return has him pouring your 8th refill of straight vodka. Giving him your best loopy sided smile, you tip your head back as you down the liquor, not even wincing at the bitter taste as it falls down your throat, which should be a sign to stop drinking but after what you saw today you needed it. Needed the blackout. It was the only way for you to fall asleep without the horrifying image playing in your mind all night. So getting drunk till your completely shit faced is a must.

Motioning another refill to the poor man, he forcefully obeys, not wanting to get on your drunk bad side, because from the looks of it he can tel it won’t be fun. Just as you downed the liquor once again a voice settles right next to you.

“Alright you, how bout we call it a day huh?” You snort, turning your eyes to the one man who can tolerate you in any given state,

Literally.

“I told you... I’m gonna get s’drunk,” You slur at him, slightly catching the way his lips curl upwards,

“Looks like you succeed that goal. C’mon, I’ll take you home,” Adam offers a hand for you to take, but you shake your head,

“Nah.. it’s still early, and m’not even there yet,” You grin at him, eyes twinkling in dim light from the liquor,

Adam softly chuckles, “(Y/n) it’s two in the morning,”

Your furrow your brows at him, “Wha-?”

Looking over your shoulder as much as you can without toppling off your stool, you noticed how the place looked completely deserted, only a few people remained. The rest of the gang had left an hour ago while you were busy downing the image away at the bar. It was just you and Adam now. Giving a surprise hum, you turn back to the bar, calling after Greg, which sounded more like ‘Reg’.

“You can leave if.. y’want,” It was more of an offer than a question,

Adam shakes his head, “Not without you,”

“Geez Ruzek.. if you’d wanted m’in your bed, all you hada’ do is ask,” You give him your best smirk,

Adam chuckles and nervously scratches the side of his neck. If only it would be that easy with you, not that he would only want you on his bed, no that would be the bonus, what he truly wanted was to claim you as his own. You two have been friends since the academy days, and when you both got chosen by Alvin it just grew from there. Especially with the death of your recruiter, something had been built in between you two, causing the both of you to show your vulnerability to one another. You guys trusted each other and knew each other better than anyone else, and as the years passed, your relationship grew as well.

Your feelings to one another wasn’t visible after the whole marriage devastation with Burgess, then once again with Hailey. Adam wasn’t sure at first, would do his best to deny such feelings by sleeping around, but once he’d wake up he felt guilty about the whole night. Feeling wrong for sleeping with a women that wasn’t you. He finally admit to the feelings one day during a case, it was a close call, he didn’t say anything, but he certainly realized how much he cared for you. The moment he saw your body falling on the ground, face twisted in pain as you tried your best to gather air, he thought the worse. If it wasn’t for your awkward position and the heavy bullet vest, the entire situation would have been a lot more horrible.

“‘Reg,” You call out again,

Adam watches as the bartender makes his way over, vodka bottle in one hand and a weary look on his face. Just as nears them both and brings the bottle towards the shot glass, Adam throws a couple bills on the counter.

“She’s done for the night pal,” The bartender nods his head, relief showing on his face as he quickly collects the payment,

You turn around with narrowed eyes, “C’mon, everyone else went home, it’s time for us to do the same,”

You stay quiet for a few seconds before dropping your eyes down to the counter, “Not everyone,”

Adam’s smile slowly falters. He knew exactly what you were referring to. The little girl that had been kidnapped along with various other kids, had been rescued, except for Isabel Pace, a 7 year old girl. She was one of the offenders favorite apparently, just as the gang found his hideout where he kept all the kids, he had took off with her. You had followed him in the car, tried to keep up with him, but an oncoming truck had rammed you off the road, making you lose visual on the beaten up car. Although, after a few minutes later a park ranger caught visual on the car, but once you all arrived on the scene it was a horrifying sight. Sat on the drivers seat was your perk, bullet wound to the head, but what made your stomach twist with pain and rage was the little girl in the back seat who shared the same wound to the head.

The image would forever haunt you along with the others. So of course, Adam couldn’t blame you for wanting to drown yourself in liquor, it wasn’t easy.

He watches as you down the rest of the drink before sighing quietly through his nose, “Come on,”

With hesitation you finally climb off your stool, gripping tightly on Adam’s jacket as he helps you with an arm around your waist, steading you on your feet before slowly walking out the bar and towards his car. Luckily, you hitched a ride with Hailey, leaving your car back at the station and not having to worry about it in the morning.

The ride to your apartment was less than 20 minutes, but still managed to doze out with your head leaning heavily against the cool window. Parking in front of your apartment building, Adam softly nudges you awake before climbing off and walking over to your door. Once helping you out and up the flight of stairs, the both of you finally made it to your front door after what seemed like ages. The elevator had broken down, leaving the stairs the only option available, Adam thanked the lord you stayed in the second floor, he didn’t think he’d be able to go through another pair of stairs with your drunken state.

Another minute passed of Adam trying to open your door while you leaned heavily against him. Kicking your door open with his free shoulder, he leads you both inside and shuts it with his foot before walking you over to your couch. Gently settling you down on the cushions, he walks back to front the door, locks it and turns back, heading towards the kitchen. He’s been in your apartment long enough to know his way around the house. His movements in the kitchen can be heard, but honestly it didn’t faze you, in fact you were nearly dozing off—again— on your couch as he made himself at home in the other room.

“Here,” Adam’s voice makes your eyes flutter open, he sat on your right with a large glass of water,

With slow movements you sit right on the couch as you reach out towards the cup and finish it one gulp. At least it’ll somewhat help with the headache in the morning, it won’t subside the brutal hangover, but it’ll at least help some. Handing him the cup, you settle back in the couch, not to sleep, but to drift off. It wasn’t even a minute when tears start to fall down your cheeks, you thought they were silent tears, but the way you sniff had Adam turning towards you. Not wasting a second he wraps an arm around your shoulders and brings you towards him, your head resting heavily against his chest as silent sobs leave you. Seeing you in pain was the last thing Adam wanted, no matter the situation, he hated seeing you in pain, especially when he doesn’t know exactly how to comfort you. Physically he’s good at, but when it comes to words, he’s the worst, till this day it still surprises him when he manages to spill any comforting words to anyone who’s in need of them.

Comforting someone with words wasn’t his best suit, but words weren’t exactly what you needed at the moment, hell, it never is most of the time, so all the detective does is wrap a tight arm around you as he softly rubs soothing circles on your shoulder and leaning the side of his cheek at the top of your head. Getting a small whiff of your coconut shampoo, along with your Calvin Klein perfume he had gotten for your birthday a few months ago, the scent alone made his heart flip.

A few moments had passed when your tears had finally subsided, but still remained on the couch with Adam, head leaning against his chest, heartbeat playing in your ear and feeling yourself calming down. Another minute passes as you two remain on the couch, his fingers gently massaging your scalp as your own fiddle with a button on his shirt. Although, the sound of you yawning finally breaks the silence in the room, and bringing Adam back from his thoughts.

“C’mon, let’s take you to bed,” As much as he wants to hold you in his arms all night, Adam knows you both need sleep to get up for work in a couple of hours,

Which will be a bitch for the both of you. But mainly for you.

You shake your head and only bury yourself closer to his chest, which honestly made Adam want to allow it, want to fall asleep on the couch with you, but he knows it would be uncomfortable and knows it will only worsen your headache in the morning. Slightly chuckling to himself, Adam places a finger underneath your chin and lifts it up until you meet his chocolate orbs.

“You’ll be okay,” He referred it as a reminder more than a question,

Which was true, and you knew it was. Your job was all about dealing with tough cases that will sometimes get personal, that will have a strong effect on you, both positive or negative and then slowly learning how to move forward. Whether the pain is still there, you learn to use it as motivation to be better, stronger, and knowing you have support from your team, Adam, you knew the pain that you were currently dealing with would also be easy to get through. It might take days, weeks, but you knew it was all about time and patience.

With a hint of hesitation you nod your head in agreement, earning a small smile from the man and then getting lost in each other eyes. Your eyes dart from one pair to the other and then down to his lips, you repeated it a few times before finally closing the little gap between you two. You rest your lips against his for a few seconds and slightly pull back, testing the waters before seeing him lean back in. The way your lips felt together was like a feeling no other, like the missing pieces of the puzzle have been placed in their proper spot, they felt just right. Relief and happiness washed over both your chest, after what seemed like a lifetime you two have finally gave in to one another, and it honestly felt fucking great.

Gentle kisses were exchanged for a few minutes before slowly growing into firmer and deeper kisses. Without much warning you straddle his lap, immediately feeling his hands on either side of your waist, holding you upright as you two continue to lavish each other’s mouths, however, the way you begin to move your hips has him coming back to reality. A small gasp escapes from him when you circle your hips once again, giving you the opportunity to dive your tongue, earning yet another small moan from both of you. The moment was quickly escalating when Adam was beginning to feel all his blood going south, not that he didn’t want to continue, matter of fact he’d take you right here and there but he knew it wasn’t the right way nor right time. You are just acting on impulse, heat of the moment, and more importantly you weren’t sober. What if whatever is going on at the moment is all just a drunken night for you, what if you’d regret it when you awoke? Even if the kiss felt just right to Adam, and to you, he still didn’t want to take advantage of you at this state, it would feel real to him.

“(Y/n),”

“Adam,” You whimper against his lips, moving your hips once again, emotions heightening at the feeling of his member growing underneath you,

The hand that was resting against the mans chest had made its way at the back of his head, fingers finding they’re way into his small soft locks. It wasn’t the way you had pulled his hair that made Adam stop your movements, no, it was the way you angled your hips against his. He had to stop otherwise he knows things will soon start to escalate even more. Gripping tightly on to your waist with both hands he hauls your movements, earning another small whimper from you. Breaking the kiss you stare at him with hooded yet confused eyes.

“You don’t-..,”

“No I want to,” Adam stops you, placing a hand on the side of your cheek, “but I want it to be you, the real you,”

You melt against his hand at his words, you never knew he could be such a gentleman, well more than you’ve already seen him act towards females, and that alone made you fall harder for him.

“Okay?” He asks, hand still on your cheek while eyes search for any disapproval in yours,

Placing your own hand over his, you angle your head to place a chaste kiss in his inner palm before nodding in understanding. Feeling less weight off his shoulders, Adam nods as well before helping you off his lap and leading you towards your bedroom. Helping you remove your denim jacket, boots and pants he tucks you under the covers. Just as he pulls away you grip on to his wrist, holding it loosely as you glance up at him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Adam didn’t need words to understand what you were asking for,

You drop his wrist and watch as he shrugs off his own jacket and boots before climbing on the other side of the bed, where you immediately settled against him. Your head leaning against his chest, just like earlier while your fingers drew imaginary shapes on his black undershirt. The feeling sending relaxation to the man and making his eyes flutter shut, awhile so many questions piled in your head. What does it mean for you two now? Did he feel the same way or was he just being a gentleman and not wanting to take advantage? Was it just the heat of the moment? Not being able to handle so many thoughts you call out his name.

“Shh..go to sleep,” He says through closed eyes, as if knowing exactly what you were planning on asking and continues with, “I’ll be here in the morning,”

A small smile tugs at the corner of your lips, even if the questions still laid heavily in your head, you knew he would be there in your arms when you awoke. You just hoped you would be able to wake up next to him in the upcoming weeks and in the future. As you got comfortable against him and start to drift off, you fell asleep with his last words of the night..

“I’ll always be here,”

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- Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

- Make sure to turn on those Notifications on to get new updates!! 🔔

- Love you all for the support!! 💗✨

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[amerrierworld]

in dreams (pt 1)

The Hobbit fanfiction

note: just for fun, this tid-bit takes on the classic ‘reader falls into middle-earth’ trope during the hobbit. you’re in rivendell, with the Company, and then the most beautiful elf in the whole fucking world appears. wohoo!

Summary: You meet the Lady of Lothlorien for what you think is the first time, but she’s already very acquainted with who you are.

Characters: Galadriel x fem!reader, the Company, Gandalf

Word Count: 1,123

You dangled your feet into the cool water of the fountain as a rugged group of dwarves around you stripped with no care in the world. A few kept some clothing on, but others, like the younger, brassier ones, didn’t really worry about anyone, especially you, seeing them in their birthday suits. 

You’d been their traveling companion since the beginning of this quest, and you quickly grew fond of them, despite their loud and medieval behaviour at times.

“Lass, quit yer staring!” Dwalin shouted at you. You snorted with amusement, because you hadn’t been staring anywhere inappropriate, but rather watching the low sun in the distance.

“Aye, what’s on our ol’ lass’ mind, then?” Gloin asked. “The Elven wine get to yer head?”

“By Durin, if you could even call that shite wine,” Dwalin responded. “Give me ale over fruity elf drinks any day!”

You chuckled, “they’re really not that bad, I really don’t see why you all have such a problem with Elves.”

“Oh, that tale goes back centuries, dear,” Balin said, squeezing droplets of water from his snow white beard. He was doing the same as you, rolling up his trousers to stick his feet in the water while lounging on the stone edge. “Now’s not the time, unless you want a few heads to start rollin’ around on the floors here.”

You continued, “I mean, sure, Elrond can be a bit prickly with you lot, but that’s because you’re all feasting on his food and drink like pigs.”

“He’s not as bad as the other one,” Fili shouted. 

“That one’s just a prick and nothin’ else,” Kili cackled in response, clapping his brother on the back and proceeding to wrestle him under the water. You were sprayed with a haze of water as they thrashed about.

“Who?”

“Thranduil,” Balin sighed, nodding to Thorin. The Dwarf King-in-exile snarled in response to the name, crossing his arms over his chest from where he was leaning against the edge of the fountain.

“Oh, well, yes, he’s a real asshole, obviously,” you said, earning a few chuckles. “So, Elrond’s a bit uptight, Thranduil can go die in a hole, but, what about Lothlorien? The other Elven realm,” you picked at your thumbnail, “what do you know of that leader?”

“Strange, I’ve heard,” Gloin piped up. “A real elf witch if ye ask me. Ye do so much as make eye contact with her, and yer under her spell for the rest of time!”

“You don’t say. I’d like to see that happen,” you grinned.

A glimpse of white light caught your eye. In the distance, crossing one of Rivendell’s bridges was a tall blonde being dressed in impeccable white. You could barely catch a glimpse of her face, but instantly you knew who she was.

Blushing, you wondered if she had heard everything that the Company was speaking of. 

“Anyways, why are you so interested in the Elf leaders? Getting tired of us Dwarves? We’ve got plenty of kingdoms to talk about, you know,” Kili threw his hands in the air and splashed you, as if you’d betrayed them in the most devastating way.

“Don’t be absurd!”

“I don’t believe her, boys. Come on!”

Fili and Kili lunged forward and before you knew it, your arms were being tugged and you fell face first in the water with a startled shriek. When you came up, soaked, your first instinct was to whip around and see if she was still standing on that bridge. 

She was. You turned beet red, because now she was staring at your strange party, frolicking in the water after you no doubt attracted attention due to your undignified scream.

“I’m gonna kill you,” you growled at the two brothers, eyes twinkling. You splashed more water at them, and they spluttered indignantly before moving to chase you again. 

-

Standing on the bridge, Galadriel stared at your strange party for a little while, before moving out of sight slowly, like wading through molasses. Her mind was racing. Your appearance in Rivendell had, quite honestly, startled the Lady of Light. She hadn’t expected you to be real. 

Your face and voice had only appeared in deep sleeps of hers, haunting her steps with your laugh, and yet you were never close enough for her to truly see or encounter you. 

Celeborn had been concerned for his wife, when she’d wake, restless, pondering. She’d barely spoken of you to him, but it didn’t take a genius, especially being her husband, to figure out what she was dreaming of.

“It is not uncommon to bond with more than one in a lifetime, my love,” Celebron had muttered during one dark and late night.

“Celeborn, this is not a bond like that of those married,” she’d retorted haughtily. “Whoever this is, isn’t real. She cannot be. I do not even know her.”

It went on for months, years. The sight of you here had frightened her to the point where she avoided greeting the Company altogether, no matter the importance of their quest, because how could you be here? Real, breathing and seemingly thriving. She had believed you didn’t even exist. 

And now here you were. A human from some faraway place, dazed by the sheer beauty of Rivendell’s magic, surrounded by burly and loud companions.

Galadriel wrung her hands. She made her way to stand on one of the balconies overlooking Rivendell’s forestry. Trying to tune out the shrieks and laughter of you and the Dwarves in the distance and keeping her own stoic, noble appearance.

“Something on your mind, my lady?” Gandalf had approached her and stood next to her on the ledge as the sun slowly set behind the trees. He leaned against his staff as a cool breeze wafted over them, ruffling his beard and her golden locks.

“Your human companion, Mithrandir,” Galadriel began quietly. “Who is she?”

“Oh, Y/N? Why, she’s quite a lovely companion, actually. I’m still not entirely sure how she came about our quest, and this place, but here we are. I do believe she was meant to be on this journey with us, but for what reason I do not know.”

The Lady remained silent. She felt young, and small, and unsure, as if she weren’t thousands of years old. You had unearthed an old and surprising feeling that not even her husband, her best friend of many centuries, had brought up in years. 

Butterflies. 

She cleared her throat, heat rising in her cheeks, yet she remained vigilant.

“My lady?”

“Will you bring her to me? I would like to get acquainted with her myself. Her circumstances seem odd and I wish to discuss them, learn more of her,” she drawled, eyes kept on the horizon. 

“Of course, Lady Galadriel.”

“No others, please, my friend. I do not wish to be judged by some lowly Dwarves who think I am a witch. And do not tell her it is me she is seeing. I do  not want to frighten her.”

“It takes a lot to frighten her, my lady, trust me,” Gandalf chuckled. “But I will do as you say. Hopefully you can make more sense of the girl than I can. I may be wise, but I am old and confused with the things she tells me.”

Galadriel’s face pulled into a smile and she breathed a little deeper. 

“Thank you, Mithrandir.”

-

A/N: hi, yes, welcome to me: procrastinator extraordinaire. I will post my scheduled fics soon! This was just to get myself back into the game because real life is hell, wouldn't you say? Bear with me, friends. Also, vote, if you’re American :3 I’m not, but I still think it’s important. Stay tuned for pt 2, lovelies <3

[perhapsthanatos]

10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[starrynite7114]

Two Weeks (Miguel Galindo)

A/N: Tomorrow is my final and I think I’ve reached the point of a mental breakdown that you’re just numb to it. But no matter, positive thoughts all around and hoping my brain isn’t so mean anymore. But due to this, I needed a much needed distraction and finished part one of my Miguel mini series. He may be a little OOC, but I hope you all enjoy this lovely work of mine.

Everything is you, Snapshots, Misconstrued, and two requests will be posted within the next two weeks. 

Also may be adding Rio to my lovely writing list, we’ll see. 

This is my brain on procrastination, please forgive me. 

Love you all and I hope you lovelies are having an amazing week thus far!

Masterlist

Tagged list: @justahopelessssromantic​ : @ifoundmyhappythought​ : @carlaangel86​ : @marvelmaree​ : @woahitslucyylu​ : @encounterthepast​ : @enamoured-x​ : @whyisgmora​ : @briana-mishell24​ : @bribri-82​ : @briannab1234​ : @chibsytelford​ : @agirllovespasta​ : @twistnet​ : @everyhowlmarksthedead​ : @trulysuccubus​ : @jadert15​ : @sammskellington​ : @cind-in-real-life​ : @claytoncardenasbabymama​ : @sadeyesgf​ : @thickemadame​ : @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass​ : @gemini0410​ : @elcococruz​ : @samcrobae​ : @sesamepancakes​ : @iambabyharry​ : @blackmissfrizzle​ : @soamayansfangirl​ : @1-800-imagines​ : @phoenixhalliwell​ : @lady-pswrld​ : @dazzledamazon​  : @getyourcrayoncas​ : @fvckthisbxtchup​ : @lukealvxz​ : @scuzmunkie​ : @nakusaych9​ : @danie1432​ : @cocotheclown​ : @soaronmywings​ : @my-rosegold-soul​ : @buttercup812​ : @itskiranbitch​ : @angelreyesgirl​ : @sheeshgivemeabreak​ : @vicmackeybullshxt​ : @strawberrywritings​ : @cherry-icetea​  : @losolvidad0s​ : @brownsugarcoffy​ : @courtrae89​​ : @blessedboo​​ : @dark-twisted-and-mechanical-mind​​ : @fariesandwanderlust​​ : @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead​ : @xserenax-13​ : @whatupitshuff​ : @aquamento​ : @justvnash​ : @maddie-georges​ : @itskiranbitch​

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CREDIT TO THE ORIGINAL GIF CREATOR!

You couldn’t do this, you were at wits end. You wanted nothing more than to throw your work phone away as it constantly rang, constantly interfered with your life, sanity, sleep, and did you already say sanity? Just in case, your sanity. 

“If I ignore it, it never happened.” You looked at the clock and it was three in the morning, you had to be up in three hours to get ready for work to see this despicable man once more. 

The ringing stopped, a sigh of relief overtaking your body. Your eyes closed and yet again, it fucking rang.

“FUCK YOU MIGUEL GALINDO.”

You took a deep breath, gathering what remained of your sanity.

“Hello Mr. Galindo, what can I do for you at three in the morning?”

His chuckle rang across the phone, aggravating you more. “Ooh, Mr. Galindo? I’m in trouble, rightfully so. I apologize for calling you so early in the morning, but I’m in a bit of a conundrum.”

“Miguel, I am not picking you up from Alejandra’s place.”

“I gave Nestor the night off.” He argued.

“I’m technically off too you asshole!” You were one of the few who didn’t fear Miguel. You knew of his capabilities, but you figured you were far too valuable.

“Yes, I am fully aware of that, your nights are sacred. But you know I rarely call you on nights.” He countered.

“Correct that statement.”

“Anymore.” He corrected himself. 

“Miguel, why do you continue to meet this girl if you’re not interested in her?” Ever since his divorce with Emily two years ago, Miguel has been single and kept it that way. Which in hindsight was for the best. With the cartel, real estate, which he still headed with Emily, and the rebels, he had plenty of things to occupy his time. But you knew why he liked the causality of his relationship with Alejandra. 

No strings attached.

No questions.

No commitments.

It fit his lifestyle.

“Because, I have needs and you know, she’s easy on the eyes.”

You begrudgingly got out of bed and made sure to sigh loudly. Miguel chuckled, and you just cussed his name in the three languages you knew. 

“Stop cussing me out in your head. Are you coming to get me?”

“I get the day off.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Better cuddle up then.”

“Fine, but we’re having breakfast then you can have your day off.”

“No work talk during breakfast or the ride home.”

Miguel groaned. “Deal.”

===========

You sat across from Miguel at this diner in San Diego, your usual spot whenever you picked him up from Alejandra’s. Miguel rarely indulged himself or let his real self out due to his obligations as a cartel head. He had a reputation to maintain, his playful and joking nature was hardly in display. But whenever he let himself be free, it was easy to see why Emily fell for him. 

You didn’t, but you could acknowledge why your asshole of a boss could be charming.

You dedicated ten years to Miguel. He taught you the ins and outs of business along with his illegal activities. If he was ever indicted, you knew you would be a target as well. Miguel always tried to keep you out of the cartel side of things, but that proved to be difficult. 

Straight out of college, twenty-two years young with your English major in hand, you applied for Miguel’s assistant position. What was supposed to be an in between job before doing a Master’s program turned into ten years of unfulfillment. You learned much from Miguel. He forced you to learn how to become a business woman, to think like him. You were the brain that wasn’t attached to him. 

But you had to walk away.

You were thirty-two years old, with nothing to your name. You wanted to be something. You couldn’t be his assistant forever. As much as he was a pain, you enjoyed working with Miguel, but you could still enjoy his friendship without working with him.

“Do you think I should involve myself in a relationship again? It doesn’t look good for my image if I remain unattached.” Miguel broke you out of your thoughts.

“True, but if you remain single, less people to worry about. Personal relationships in your line of work is hardly ideal.” This constitutes as business talk, but you’ll let it slide. 

“You’re right, and this is why you’re my right hand.” Miguel knew that technically belonged to Marcus or even Nestor, but he never made a decision without your input. He was just used to it. 

“I wanted to speak to you about something.”

“Go for it.” Miguel gave his full attention to her. “Are you finally going to confess your undying love for me?”

You know she liked playful Miguel, but when he was being this obnoxious, she liked hardened, cartel boss Miguel.

“Right, should I stab you now or later?” You rolled your eyes making Miguel laugh. “I’m going to look for a new secretary.”

“Sure, you need help?” Miguel hardly argued with you. He trusted your judgment after all.

“No, I’m resigning.”

===========

“She has to be in love with me.” Miguel paced back and forth in his office, a few hours after your breakfast.

Nestor watched his boss and closest friend, amused by his suggestion.

“Y/N?” It’s not that Nestor couldn’t see you falling for Miguel, but, that wasn’t it. “You’ve said it yourself that she’s far too bright to remain your assistant forever.”

“That was just insanity talk, of course I expect her to stay by my side.” Miguel stopped in front of Nestor. “She quit right after she picked me up from Alejandra’s. She hated picking me up from there and she never got along with Emily.”

“All circumstantial. You know she cherishes her sleep, most likely the reason she was annoyed. Second, Emily was always a bitch to her.” Emily never liked you since she thought you undermined her with Miguel, which was far from the truth. Nestor witnessed a majority of your fights and it was hardly pretty. “All circumstantial.”

“No, she’s jealous. I know it. No matter, I can get rid of Alejandra.”

Nestor shook his head. He knew this day would come, you spoke to him about it quite often recently. But he didn’t think it would be too soon. He also knew Miguel wouldn’t handle it well. It was hard for him to trust anyone and the fact the person he trusted most was going to leave? 

Miguel was at the first stage, denial. 

===========

You drove up the driveway of Miguel’s home the next morning, Nestor greeting you by your car.

“You had to drop that bombshell and take the day off?” Nestor shook his head. He loved Miguel, he did, but yesterday was full of theories and bullshit he didn’t want to partake in.

“Well if you’re didn’t take the night off then I could have told him later that morning.” You retorted, glaring at your friend.

“You’re punishing me for taking a personal day?”

“I’m not punishing you, I didn’t think he was going to go overboard with the theories.” Nestor texted you every fucking thing that Miguel had said. It went from you having a secret family, secret boyfriend to being in love with him, which was what he settled with.

“To be fair, I said it was all circumstantial.”

“And it is.” You handed your purse to Nestor. “I’m posting the job later and see if we get any candidates that are,”

You paused. “We’ll see if we can find people that are trustworthy.” It wasn’t about skills. It wasn’t about degrees. It was about being trustworthy.

“How can you even determine that?”

“I have good intuition.”

“Right, forgot, you're psychic.” He teased her. 

“Fuck you,” you playfully pushed him.

Nestor opened the door for you and you walked in finding Marcus and Miguel sitting around in the living room.

“There she is,” Miguel greeted you, giving you a hug and kissing your cheek. “How are you?”

“Good,” you gave him an odd look. “You ready, we have a packed day today.”

All three men were looking at you and you gave them a questioning look.

“Am I missing something?” 

“I got you something.” Miguel smiled, taking your hand in his. He led you through the house to the garage and before entering he requested for you to close your eyes. “If you got me a car, I swear to god.”

“Wait, why, did you not want a new car?” Miguel frowned. Materialistic items usually appeased women, it definitely kept Emily’s temper at bay when it was directed at him. But he should know how you were by now. Materialistic items rarely impressed you. He found it odd that the little things he did for you was what left the most impression. He got you a rose gold bracelet for your birthday and while you were thankful, he could tell it didn’t impress you much. He brought you lunch from your favorite restaurant, and it was like he gave you the world. 

Why the fuck did he get you a damn car? 

“I’m not Emily, Miguel, you can’t just wave a shiny thing in front of me and I’ll change my mind.” You crossed your arms across your chest. “Did you get me a car?”

“No,” he closed the door. 

Nestor refrained from laughing while Marcus just chuckled.

“You already bought it, might as well let me see.” You nodded your head towards the door.

Miguel indulged you and opened the door. Your mouth dropped. “You got me a Range Rover?” It was your dream car, one that you were saving up for, and now you had it. But you weren’t staying. “As much as I want the car, it’s not going to work. I’ll be posting the job later on today.” You saw that Nestor closed the door as soon as you said that. 

“This is ridiculous, why do you want to quit? Am I not compensating you enough?” Miguel was frustrated. He didn’t want you to leave. How could you leave? He compensated you well. Always made sure you were well taken care of and to top it off, you were basically the closest confidant he had. He trusted you with his life, there was no way he could find anyone he trusted as much as you. 

“I told you, it’s for personal reasons.” You didn’t understand why you had to give him a reason. In any other job, personal reasons would suffice. 

But this was different.

You knew change was not something Miguel was a fan of, he was meticulous and hardly deviated from his normal. He had a schedule and strictly followed it. When the plans deviated, it greatly irritated him, but you always found a way to soften the blow so he wasn’t inconvenienced. 

“I think I warrant more than a generic answer.”

“Miguel, I’ve been your assistant for ten years now. It’s just time for me to move on professionally. I couldn’t possibly be your assistant forever.”

“Are you in love with me?”

He blurted it out so quickly that even he was surprised he did. Miguel hardly said anything without thinking of it, but you were an anomaly to him. He spoke before he thought of his words with you.

“No, absolutely not.” You laughed. “No offense, you’re a good looking guy, but I also know you, so no, I’m not interested.”

“Why not?” Miguel was slightly appalled by your rejection of the idea of being in love with him. Was he not worthy? He was a catch if he said so himself. 

“What? What do you mean why not? I’m not interested, simple as that.” You could tell your rejection affected Miguel. Not everyone fell to his feet, especially not you. “Look, now that we got that theory out of the way, want to try another? Why is it so hard to believe I just want a better career?”

“I can provide that for you.” 

“Miguel, what can I possibly do in your organization that would be a promotion? I swear to god, if you say executive assistant.”

“Come on querida, give me more credit than that.” Miguel chuckled. “You can handle the developmental projects around Santo Padre. You could be my development manager.”

“No, absolutely not, I would have to work with Emily. She already thinks we're sleeping together, the last thing I want to do is deal with Emily.” 

“Y/N, come on, I’m sure I can find something in my organization that can fulfill this desire you have.” Miguel was not comfortable with the thought of losing you. He wasn’t willing to accept it.

“Miguel, we have to move on some time, you’ll be fine. I will find the most eligible candidate for this job. I promise.” You gave him a hug. 

You needed to do this. You couldn’t stay in this job forever, you had to move on.

“Hand them over.”

“What?”

You stuck your hand out. “You got me the car, it would be rude to not take it.”

===========

“She’s in love with me, it's the only logical reason.” Miguel was sitting down on the couch by the pool, nursing the whiskey in his hand.

“Did she not say she wasn’t?” Nestor wasn’t sure why they were talking about this again when Miguel already spoke to you. 

“She’s hiding it.”

“Look, I’m going to ask this at the risk of being killed by you, but out of pure curiosity, are you hoping she’s in love with you so you can confess some deep secret you’ve kept from her?” 

“No, absolutely not, I’m not interested in her, but if it keeps her by my side, I can be with her.”

Nestor gave Miguel an incredulous look, chuckling at his friend’s terrible idea. Though, he couldn’t help, but play Devil’s Advocate.

“You know what, you should pursue her.”

“Now you see what I’m seeing. She wouldn’t be able to say no to me. I know her like the back of my palm.” 

Nestor had to refrain from chuckling. This was going to be a fun two weeks.