#first post in the new year had to be martyn of course | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

redgyl · 10 months ago

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(Finally posting after a year. All thanks goes to my daughter, who co-wrote this with me every step of the way.)

Chapter 6

Joel hated mountains.

They always slowed him down and whenever the wind blew (which was most of the time), it blew snow or dust off the mountain and into his face. Why would anyone want to live here? And it was so, SO cold!

This mountain was mostly covered in evergreens, so at least the windchill wasn’t so bad, but he still wouldn’t want to live in a place like this.

He glanced down at the quickly scribbled instructions: “go north-east, cross Red River Chasm, find Old Oak, go straight east, follow up river to where it ends, find cave.” So far, he had crossed the chasm (such a rickety bridge! He hopes it will still be there when he goes back), found the tree, and discovered a few missing steps, such as having to find the new “river” (really just a creek at this point in its course), bribe the guards at an arbitrary gate in an isolated fort sitting on top of the creak, and follow the stupid water uphill to where it started to gather from the melting snow. The sides of the mountain were so steep, he had to ditch his horse and most of his gear, and hope the shady guards didn’t follow and steal his stuff.

“Could have used a wyvern. Oh well,” he said — he enjoyed talking to himself — “I can live with it. I’ll just get Martyn to pay me extra when I get back.” Pocketing the directions, he looked back up the mountainside. In the rocks above, there were a couple of thin, shiny streaks reflecting the setting sun’s light, indicating melting snow. Somewhere up there, he hoped, he’d spot a cave.

He shivered, and took another step up around some rocks. “Time to get going.” He reached out to climb up the steep side. “Maybe I can find a pine marten, or …”

“Hey, Joel!” a high-pitched voice called happily next to his ear. Joel started in surprise and slipped, sliding back down to the trees.

“Wh-What the heck!” Joel exclaimed as he picked himself up. He looked around but saw no one. “Who was that?”

“It was me, Joel!” said the voice again, and out from behind a rock stepped a silvery figure. He had a young, pretty face, with fair hair and blue, bright eyes. He was tall and thin and wore plain clothes. “How are you?”

“Jimmy?” Joel exclaimed, “Are you dead?!?”

The ghost shuffled his transparent feet, as if ashamed. “Yeah, obviously.”

“Yeah, obviously,” Joel repeated monotonously as he picked himself back up. “I knew you would be the first of us to go; you always were awfully clumsy.” Somehow, talking to Jimmy as a ghost made his death far less tragic than it otherwise would have been.

“Excuse me?” the ghost sputtered indignantly, “You’ve had almost as many near-death accidents as I did!”

“Mine had more pizazz,” Joel retorted. He started climbing up the mountainside again. ”Speaking of which, how did you die?”

“It was weird,” the ghost started. “I’m not totally sure. I was just climbing up this mountain here —“

“To visit Dragon Doc?” Joel interrupted.

“No way! I just … needed to pick some mountain daisies,” Jimmy said, “and … where was I? … anyway, I was just climbing up this mountain, and I saw something in a bush, and then … and then I was dead.”

“Just like that?”

“Yeah. Just like that.”

“Didn’t see what killed you or anything?”

“No. I’m not even sure of where my body went.”

They fell into silence as Joel continued climbing. It was getting harder to breathe, and his muscles ached from the constant climbing, and his finger hurt from the cold, and his sweat wetted his undershirt. It kept getting colder, but Joel could almost see his destination. When it finally came into view, he grinned. “Finally.”

Jimmy’s ghost looked ahead, and if he could turn paler, he would have. “Joel, do you know where you’re going?”

“A little late … to ask that,” he said between breathes as he leaned against a boulder. It started to snow.

“Isn’t that Doc the Dragonborn’s lair?”

“Yep. That’s where I’m headed.” He glared up at the sky for a moment. “I hate snow. So cold.”

Dragonborn Doc’s Lair was a small sight to behold. An unnaturally flat, wide space clear of all vegetation and debris leading to a round, human-sized hole in the wall. Not too far into it stood a human-sized door made of iron, illuminated by a yellow light coming from the ceiling. Faint, gray runes along the floor and walls were barely visible through the dust.

“Be careful, Joel,” Jimmy said in a low whisper, “You don’t want to mess with Doc. He’s scary. I hear his place is trapped. And I’ve seen some suspicious people around here, too, all shadowy and masked up.”

Joel snorted dismissively. “Nuffin’s gonna kill me. Just give me a moment … to catch my breath.”

As he rested, Joel’s grin broadened. The end of his mission was in sight. “I’m a-goin’ to have a chat with the dragon, now. You coming’ wif me?”

“I guess so, since I can’t die again,” Jimmy said as Joel strode toward the cave. “But how are going to get past those runes?”

Joel was only halfway across the clearing when he stepped into a magic circle hidden underneath the dust and snow. A big explosion, a cloud of smoke, and two simultaneous, girly screams later, Joel found himself still standing but looking at a cave that was now significantly bigger than before.

“Squawk ba-dawk!” (‘What the heck!’)

Well, that didn’t sound right! Joel looked down to try to see himself, and found himself reflexively pecking at the dust with his beak.

“Joel!” Jimmy yelled. “You’re a chicken!”

Joel crowed and clucked angrily as he strutted around the clearing, leaving little clawed tracks, his head bobbing and wings ruffling. If his sounds could be translated, we’d know he was saying; “OF COURSE I’M A CHICKEN! WHAT THE BLOOMING HECK!? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPLETE MY QUEST NOW? THIS IS SO STUPID! GAH, I’M SO DUMB! THAT TRAP IS SO BLOOMIN’ OBVIOUS! GAH!”

A new voice came from the rocks above them. “Oh snappers, what happened here?”

Joel snapped his head up and froze. A tall, dark, lanky man with silvery hair held back by a headband sat crouched on on rock face above, the lower half of his face masked, a vertical scar running over his glowing red eye (the other eye being a bright blue).

Etho; he was a living legend, a stealthy master thief who had somehow learned how to teleport despite not having a drop of blood in him from the Ender Clan (which wasn’t common knowledge, but Joel, moonlighting as a bounty hunter, had figured this out). He has never been caught and was seldom even seen, but Joel had been chasing him for years. What was Etho doing here?

Joel asked that very question. It came out as squawks.

“Yes,” Etho said good-naturedly, smiling patronizingly down at the chicken. “I love mountains, too. The air is so crisp and fresh.”

Etho disappeared from sight in an instant, and reappeared next to Jimmy. “He didn't watch his step did he?” the ninja thought aloud, as Jimmy yelped and jumped away, and the chicken clucked indignantly. "But the really strange thing is that an explosion like that should have killed him, eh, Jimmy?”

“Wh-what do you mean?” Jimmy asked. “And how do you know my name?”

“I mean that your friend is uninjured,” he answered, completely ignoring the second question. “Transfigured, yes, but his feathers haven’t even been ruffled. Why are you two up here in the first place?”

“Well … Joel’s here to see Doc the Dragonborn, and I’m just here with him …”

Etho hardly seemed to be listening as his eyes danced. In a silent blink, he appeared immediately in front of the rooster, crouched and staring at the red, jeweled collar. “Is this an enchantment that can cheat death?” he wondered. “I’d love to meet the enchanter or enchantress who could cook something like that up.”

He raised his eyes to look into Joel’s. “You know, I think you could be useful.” And although he was wearing a mask, Joel could tell Etho was also wearing a smirk.

Joel pecked Etho’s nose as hard as he could.

“Ow!” Etho jumped back, rubbing his sore schnoz, “Heh heh, feisty.” he said sportingly. “Just the type I was hoping for.”

“I’m goin’ ta bring you in,” Joel threatened incoherently in squawks. Ruffling his feathers, daring Etho to try that again.

Etho popped into existence directly behind Joel and grabbed him around the neck and lifted him off the ground. Joel furiously flapped his wings and stretched his legs back to scratch him. Etho just chuckled.

“Oh, yes, you’ll be a perfect help,” Etho said cheerfully holding the feathered poof o’ fury at arm’s length. “But you gotta calm down, little guy. I’d hate for you to get hurt and turn into something else.” With expert swiftness and dexterity, he snatched both legs with his free hand. “There.”

“LITTLE!” How dare you suggest that, heathen!” Joel screeched incoherently. “My height is a marvel within my jurisdiction!”

A cold breeze whipped up, and Joel and Etho both shivered. “Brr!” Etho exclaimed as Joel reflexively fluffed up and went quiet. “Let’s get us inside.”

In an instant, Etho and Joel were just outside the cave, peeking in. The runes seemed to glow brighter.

Etho pulled the rooster back, and said, “you, first!” With that, he chucked him into the cave.

Joel barely head Jimmy cry out, “Don’t worry Joel, I’ll save you!” as he flapped frantically around the cave, trying not to touch the walls, floor, or ceiling. He landed on the doorknob. His claws skidded on the metal as he struggled to stay on. Invisible runes on the door glowed yellow for a moment, and the door silently swung in.

“Good job!” Etho said as Joel crashed onto the floor beyond the door.

Joel was too busy panting from relief to fight as Etho picked him back up and looked around the dark room. There were two more doors, placed on either side of a torch.

“A labyrinth. I get it, I get it,” Etho mused out loud. “Only one safe path to the heart of Doc’s lair, and maybe not even that would be safe. Let’s find out.”

With that, Etho yanked one door open,chucked Joel the rooster in, and slammed the door shut. A moment later, he heard a loud THUD and a squish. After a moment of silence, he heard a confused bark and a whine from the other side. Reopened it up and, taking the torch from the wall, looked in to find a timid yellow dog with a green stripe on his head and the pendant around his neck inside of a blank room. He looked up.

“Ah. The ceiling came down. What a nasty trap!” He peeked further in without entering as Joel the yellow dog, tail curled under him, came out off the room. “And that is as far as this route goes. The other way should be safer.” With that, he opened the other door, and Joel dashed in, as if to try to escape Etho.

Etho heard a roar starting up, quickly closed the door, and heard a dog yelp on the other side. The roar was extremely loud, but then it died down, and there was silence. When he heard a goat bleat, reopened the door and peeked in. Lo and behold, there was a gray goat with a green stripe on his head and pendant around his neck, sitting dazedly the floor, smoke curling from his fur. The air still felt extremely hot.

“Hmm,” Etho mused out loud, looking around. “There’s got to be a … ah! There we go,” he said, flicking switch that was right next to his head. The faint roar sound in the background died down. “Had to turn the trap off! Sneaky, sneaky, Doc.” With that,he scooped up the dizzy, terrified goat and strode down to the end of the room, where two more doors awaited them.

This continued for the next fifteen minutes, with Etho using Joel to test out the safety of each room before entering, and Joel turning into every animal in the farm and zoo books. Occasionally, nothing bad happened, and he just listened to Joel bleat, or bark, or squeak, or chirp, or moo in rage at him through the door. More often than not, though, there was an explosion, or splatting sounds, or water running, and panicked animal noises, always followed by silence. Etho happily entered when it was quiet, before Joel recovered enough to try to turn on Etho or try to escape from him (especially important when he turned into a mouse, and also when he turned into a bull — complete with a handy nose ring).

At one point, Etho felt the need to explain a little something to his reluctantly useful captive. “Just in case you were wondering, the reason I can’t just teleport is because I don’t know the layout of the cave. This is my first time in Doc’s abode; wouldn’t want to teleport into pure rock and die, you know? Thanks for your help, little buddy. I couldn’t have come this far without that neat little enchantment of yours.”

That sent Joel (now a parrot) into more squawks of indignation, but then he got tossed into another room, got spiked, and came out as a pig.

After he cycled through a few more cats, dogs, rodents, and other animals, and after one final explosion, Etho entered the room to find Joel as a human again, eyes wild and blank, teeth gritted, black and green hair frizzled and standing on end, clothes blackened around the edges, and pendant dim.

“Well…” Etho said, a slightly nervous smile under his mask, “looks like we’ve run out of animals. Luckily, it also looks like we’re here.”

He walked past Joel and strode down the hall, where it opened up into a huge cavern. He vanished from Joel’s sight.

It took Joel a moment to stagger to his feet and brush himself off. “What the heck?” he quietly said as he took in his bearings. He looked down the hall to where Etho had disappeared. He heard a low, background hum and metallic clanking, muffled explosions at irregular intervals, and a low rumble, much like the ocean waves in its regularity. He drew his sword and cautiously crept forward.

The sight took his breath away.

Stacks of treasure chests were piled all around the center of the room, pipe-lines and gears covered the walls, glass windows with eldritch creatures behind them, and, most magnificent of all, a huge green dragon slept peacefully in the center of it all on a giant pillow.

Joel was so busy taking in the machines and monsters that he couldn’t think properly. It reminded him of stories he had heard about what the legendary Mumbo Jumbo had built for his kingdom, only not so grand, and without the living nightmares. Suddenly remembering his mission, he shook himself back to the present and stared at the sleeping dragon. “Doc? Is that you?”

“Nope,” came a reply from Joel’s right. Only then did it occur to Joel that Etho was still in the room, rummaging swiftly through the many chests, drawers, and barrels. Every time he opened something, a yellow light appeared above it. The thief’s eyes looked disgruntled, like he wasn’t finding what he was looking for. “That’s Doc’s kid.”

“Kid? You mean, like a baby?”

“Yep.” He paused, his eyes brightened, and he pulled something small out of the barrel he was peaking into. A red light turned on above that barrel, and the small explosions in the background suddenly became regular and fast. Ignoring these changes, Etho teleported in front of the sleeping dragon. Though Etho easily towered over Joel in pure height, the sleeping dragon’s snout was at his eye level. Etho patted its nose soundly, just enough to startle it awake. The dragon started upward, and twitchingly opened its eyes. Then it started to cry, but stopped abruptly when Etho whipped out a cake (from where, Joel had no clue) and stuck that cake under its nose. The dragon stopped crying, sniffed the cake, then sloppily ate it.

“Yes, you’re a sweet litl’ baby,” Etho cooed, patting and rubbing the beaming draggy’s neck. “You is jus’ so cute! Such a sweetie you are! Here, take this,” he said on the side, tossing Joel another cake and continue patting the creature, “and come feed little Doccy. If you don’t, he’ll eat you alive. Also, you’ll need to pet him like I am so he knows you are his friend.”

“Are you kidding me?” Joel questioned even as he automatically obeyed, coming to feed the cake to Doccy and pet his chubby, short neck. “Where is the Dragonborn?”

“The way to Doc’s heart is through his kid,” Etho said quickly, ignoring the question. “I’m just helping you, as a thank you for helping me get here. Anyways, gotta go,” he said abruptly. “See ya!” In an instant, the thieving ninja was gone. Unnoticed by all, a spark lit up in Joel’s pendant.

“What are you doing here?” a stern voice said from behind him. With a cry of surprise, Joel spun around and looked back. There, at the entrance where he entered the lair, stood a tall, dark green man with a goatee and large, curling goat horns. Half of his face looked like a machine, or like living armor. Floating beside him, looking pleased with himself, was Jimmy.

“I got help!” Jimmy announced to Joel. “I’m saving you, Joel! Where’d that other guy go?”

But Joel couldn’t hear him. All he could do was stare into the other man’s under worldly eyes. A cold terror sank into him as the other man’s gaze swept over the area, his expression turning darker and darker. When he spoke, his voice was low and monotone and menacing.

“You invaded my home, broke every single trap I made to guard that home, touched every treasure I have here, stole something from me, and now you have interrupted little Doccy’s nap and fed him cake. He is going to be cranky and hyper for the rest of the day, and he won’t eat his liver and kidneys.” As he spoke, he smoothly swelled in size, his shape changing into that of a dark green, goat-horned, goat-bearded, part-cyborg dragon that took up the entire space in from of Joel. “Now,” he said, peering down at the insignificant insect with a green stripe in his hair, “explain yourself.”

Joel stared upwards, hardly believing what he was seeing. All he could think of was that he was doomed. “I … I …”

The mission was a bust. There was no way how he could convince this dragon to be their ally now. So, time for Plan B, as Sir Martyn told him:

Plan B.. what was Plan B again?.. Oh yeah,

He swallowed and squeaked, “Grian sent me.”

#applestruda #boatem knights au #grian hermitcraft #joel smallishbeans #ethoslab #solidaritygaming #docm77

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secretlywritingstories · 2 years ago

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We balance each other out on the seesaw of life | Phan one shot

Summary: Phil had dragged Dan to Isle of Man after his return home from tour. The sea air would do him good (even if it gave him hobbit hair) and he could be surrounded by Phil's family (who were his family too). He hadn’t actively planned to drag him onto a seesaw on a playground but it turned out to be a precious moment all the same.

Tags: Established relationship, domestic fluff, being the best guncles, playing on a playground and embracing their inner child

Word count: 5.1k

No warnings.

Inspired by this video Phil posted on Twitter.

Read on AO3 or below

It was wonderful to have Dan back. Phil felt as if he hadn’t really been a functioning human without him. Perhaps that should be cause for concern. After all, there was such a thing as being too dependent on each other.

However, it was not a concern that Phil would or really could entertain because if there was anything in this whole world that he felt sure about… it had to be Dan. If pressed or feeling contrarian, Dan could might be able to come up with a million and one arguments of could occur to pry them apart, even or particularly against their will, but Phil decided not to listen to any of those hypotheticals.

He trusted the universe to let him keep Dan until they were both grey and old. They would be one of those old couples that died within days of each other because they couldn’t live without each other. He had already decided that within the first year of knowing Dan.

It hadn’t quite been that extreme feeling to be without Dan while he was on tour, but there had been moments where Phil had felt a new sense of being lost. He had taken for granted what it was like to always have his love so close. He begrudgingly had to admit that he had taken that privilege slightly for granted. It had become their everyday life, and while it was wonderful, it became a given.

Maybe that was why Phil was even more all over Dan since he had returned. He understood that Dan needed to go into hermit mode, have a whole week of frydays, and no responsibilities.

No people too.

Other than Phil.

Of course.

Phil didn’t count as people to Dan anyway. He’d called him a piece of furniture once. Phil had chuckled at that one and teasingly demanded that Dan take him back to the store. Dan’s eyes had crinkled, even with the dark bags under them, and he’d said Phil was too used to be returned. Phil had hit him with a pillow. They’re giggled and laughed and fallen into each other.

For a moment, Phil hadn’t been able to tell where he ended and Dan begun. It wasn’t the first time he’d experienced that.

It had been a few weeks since Dan’s return to London post tour and Phil had deemed it necessary that they started to see people again. They made plans to catch up with friends, more days in a row than initially planned to accommodate other schedules, and then setting off for Isle of Man to see Phil’s parents, as well as Martyn, Cornelia and little Freja.

“People did that once you know,” Phil said to Dan when they were on the plane.

Dan turned from where he’d been blindly staring out of the window. The seatbelt sign turned on to indicate that they would begin their descend.

“Huh?”

“Go to the seaside,” Phil said.

He realised that he’d just again started a conversation with no context, or rather the context of his thoughts, which Dan didn’t have access to. He wasn’t really worried though because –

“Go to the seaside when they were unwell? Faint ladies prescribed visits to seaside towns to regain their strengths?”

– Dan often figured out where his head was at without any direct access anyway.

“Yes,” Phil said, clutching onto Dan’s arm after he’d doubled checked his seatbelt was still on.

“Are you telling me I’m a faint lady?” Dan said, mock offended with a soft scoff.

The last couple of weeks had done him good but the exhaustion still lingered in his face. Phil knew that he had loved every night out on stage in front of their audience, but all of the travelling and the effort had definitely taken a toll on him.

“You need it. The fresh seaside air,” Phil said with a hum.

Dan just hummed and slumped more in his seat, leaning towards Phil.

“I do like the seaside air,” he said after a beat. “You can breathe in without filling your lungs with car exhaust. It’ll kill my hair though, especially now that it’s so long.”

It would. Phil was rather looking forward to that really. Dan still hadn’t gotten a haircut since he had come back from tour. He was past his normal due for one by now, but he hadn’t wanted to use his limited social resources on getting a haircut.

Phil had offered to cut it for him, but Dan had just put the old haircut video up on their big screen TV and turned the volume all the way up to remind him how it had gone last time. Phil might be dense at times, but he got the hint there. Though he stubbornly maintained that it had made for a hilarious video and Dan hadn’t even looked that bad.

When they arrived home, Kath was the first to greet them. She stood in the doorway with a warm smile and something deep within Phil’s heart ached a little. It wasn’t that long since he’d seen his parents. It had just been for his birthday in January less than two months ago, but he loved her and his dad, and they were growing older.

Not just older. Growing old.

Not yet, but it was creeping up on them, slow and deadly.

Phil stayed in his mother’s embrace a touch longer than he would otherwise have, and he only really let go when Dan poked his side and then also demanded a Mama Lester hug. Phil reluctantly relented, if only because he wanted to watch the comfort and love with which his mother and Dan handled each other.

Dan had really been readily adopted into his family years ago, and it had been Phil’s mother leading that charge. Nigel met them in the kitchen, instructed to keep an eye on Kath’s latest baked creations in the oven while she came out to greet them. Dan was a little more awkward around him, but it was still a lovely reunion, even if Dan got insulted right off the bat.

“It looks like you haven’t slept for a week,” Phil’s dad told him, not meaning offence but just stating it plainly.

“I feel like it too,” Dan laughed with an easy smile. “Even though it’s the opposite. I’ve pretty much been asleep every day since I came home.”

“I can confirm that,” Phil said and raised his hand. “Practically comatose.”

It was an afternoon of warmth and comfort, and then an evening full of laughter and games when Martyn, Cornelia and Freja came over too. It was good to see them again. It was more of a treat to see them now that they’d moved out of London, and Freja was growing much faster than Phil had anticipated.

“Do you want to come to the playground with us tomorrow?” Cornelia asked, as the evening was wrapping up and she was standing in the doorway with her sleeping daughter over her shoulder.

“Playground?” Dan asked, looking slightly bemused.

“We’ll be there,” Phil promised for the both of them.

“Cheers, I’ll send you a text when we get ready to leave. It’ll be around 10 AM, but it might be a little before or later depending on the princess’ mood,” Martyn said, trying to sound annoyed but there was too soft a tone in his voice.

It had been a strange thing to see his big brother become a parent. Sometimes, Phil was reminded of how him and Martyn had been as children, and now Martyn was the one with a kid. It felt rather adult.

Much more adult than Phil felt himself. He knew he technically was an adult and he was capable of many things, but he wasn’t sure if that supposed “I am an adult” feeling would ever kick in.

It was still on his mind when him and Dan curled up together in the guest bedroom in his parents’ house.

“Do you feel like an adult?” he asked Dan.

Dan didn’t answer right away and Phil looked over to see if he had fallen asleep immediately. It hadn’t been that long since they had gotten into bed, but it wasn’t a lie that Dan had been sleepy lately.

“No,” he said, spoken softly into the dark bedroom. “But I don’t quite feel like a kid anymore either. It feels like I’m stuck somewhere in between. Responsibilities and childishness mixing in a rather terrifying manner.”

His words were slightly slurred, like he was just barely clinging to his consciousness.

“That’s not childish, it’s your inner child still living,” Phil said, after a moment. “No need to kill him.”

Dan didn’t reply. Phil snuggled closer and he could feel his steady breathing, clearly drifted off to sleep mid-conversation. Phil didn’t really mind. He looped his arms around Dan, ignoring the face full of curls and felt how Dan shuffled back just a little into Phil’s embrace. Even sleeping they drifted towards each other. Sought comfort in each other.

Bright and early – at least according to their usual morning rhythm – they grabbed their coats and headed out to meet Martyn, Cornelia and Freja. Dan had slept in until the latest moment, and his face still had creases from the pillow where his skin hadn’t evened out yet. Phil on the other hand was just feeling the effects of his first coffee of the day and he was almost giddy in his steps as he dragged Dan along by the hand.

They didn’t usually hold hands out and about but experience taught them that they could get away with a bit more on Isle of Man. It was a smaller community, less people out and about, and the ones that did see them didn’t seem to care one bit.

The playground was located on the top of a hill overlooking the ocean. You couldn’t see it from within the playground, but it was close enough that the sea air was wafting liberally through the air. Dan’s hair had curled in the moisture just on the walk to the playground.

Phil noticed and he couldn’t stop himself from pausing and reaching out with his free hand. Just tugging on a curl and watching it spring back up. Dan narrowed his eyes and tried to do his best to send a death glare at Phil but he wasn’t really succeeding. Maybe because he still looked more sleepy and mildly grumpy than scary.

“It’s cute,” Phil said.

“It’s a mess.”

“A cute mess.”

“I’ll make you a cute mess,” Dan grumbled, even as his mouth lifted in a slight smile.

Phil reached forward to poke Dan’s nose, and then let go of his hand. He smirked before starting to sprint off the last of the way to the playground.

“Last one is a rotten egg!” he hollered over his shoulder.

He was granted with a rather delighted expression of surprise, disbelief and fondness on Dan’s face before he turned around to look where he was actually going. He knew he would need to do that, or injuries was way to high risk.

“You can’t just say that!” Dan complained in a yell but Phil could hear him start to sprint after him all the same.

There was a glee building in his chest, a bright smile on his face, even as his heart beat way too fast and he was running out of air in his lungs. It was worth it; he could live on glee and happiness of being silly with the love of his life.

It was moments like this that made life worth living.

Phil predictably reached the playground first, touching the fencepost and letting out a shout of victory. Dan wasn’t far behind but rather than heading for the post, he just ran right into Phil.

Phil stumbled a little, nearly tripping over but he managed to catch Dan and keep them both standing. Just barely. Dan was panting and if Phil had to guess, he would wager that his heart also was beating out of his chest.

“Cheater,” Dan said and then coughed twice. “You got a head start.”

Phil didn’t even try to deny it. He moved his hands to hold onto Dan’s shoulders better, but still let him lean into him.

“Sore loser.”

“False winner.”

Oh, how Phil loved him.

“Well, there’s one way we could fix it. All or nothing!”

It made Dan pull back, a little, to be able to look properly at Phil’s face. He shook his head when he saw the sincerity in his eyes.

“You’re a mad man if you think I’m running twice. Once was more than enough,” Dan said, pinching Phil’s side. He yelped and tried to pull away but Dan managed to wrap his other arm around his shoulder and keep him there to endure the abuse.

Well, the babuse.

“Did we get here first?” Dan asked, looking around at the empty playground. There wasn’t a single child in sight, let alone Freja with her parents.

Phil fished out his phone and saw that a new message had ticked in that Freja had refused to put on shoes for a bit but they were on their way now.

“They’re on their way, just a little delayed,” Phil said, looking down at his phone.

“Shoes?” Dan asked, as he let go of Phil and strolled into the playground.

Phil chuckled. “Yeah. But can you blame her?”

“No, I too want to live a wild barefoot existence. Well, at least until I cut my foot on something or just, like, get cold.”

Phil smiled, shaking his head fondly. The fact that Dan knew his niece currently had trouble accepting shoes on his feet felt nice. He’d been paying attention to even stupid silly things.

Phil took in the playground around him. Before Martyn and Cornelia had gotten Freja it had been a while since he’d actually been on a playground. It had felt a little strange coming here as an adult without a child. He had a feeling that he would have gotten some weird looks for lurking around on a playground or playing near other people’s children.

But they were alone right now, and Phil had his perfect playmate.

“Come on,” he said, tugging Dan properly into the playground. Most of the playground was entirely too small to cram their large bodies into. It would surely break. They couldn’t fit their asses down the slides and the seat of the swings looked far to narrow too. But there was one item that Phil was pretty confident could hold them.

“What are we doing?” Dan asked, even as he let himself get dragged along. He might question why but he didn’t hesitate for a second.

“The seesaw,” Phil said, and he knew that would be explanation enough.

“Phiiil,” Dan whined. “It’ll snap.”

“We’re not that heavy, and it’s like meant for parents to be able to use it too, isn’t it?” Phil insisted.

He put a hand on the little race car seat on one side and tried to wiggle it. It felt more than sturdy enough.

“I don’t think it’s meant for adults,” Dan said with a frown. “Imagine tiny Freja on one end and you on the other. There’d be no balance. She’d just be up in the air the whole time.”

It was a fun imagine, and Phil made a mental note to try it with her. Freja loved to be tossed up high, so he thought that she might actually like it. He could imagine her little giggle.

“Well, I’m not asking Freja to get on it with me, am I? I’m asking you,” Phil said. “Jump on.”

He made a shooing motion with his hand, to get Dan to walk over to the other side of the seesaw as he put just one foot on his side in preparation. Dan just looked at him with a blank expression.

It didn’t say blank for long. His resolve cracked far too quickly, warm smile spreading on his face and eyes sparkling slightly.

“You want me to ride the seesaw with you.”

“Yes.”

“For real?”

“Are you hard of hearing already?” Phil quipped, completely unphased. He wasn’t backing down. He didn’t need to with Dan. Together they could indulge in every single silly idea.

Dan shook his head, making his curls even more messy for a moment. Phil watched with a smile as he walked around to the other side of the seesaw and put a single foot up, just like Phil.

“You want to do this at the same time?” he asked.

“No, you get on first, then I’ll go.”

“You just want to see my ass hit the ground. If I fall off and break something, you’re paying for the hospital bills,” he remarked.

“We’ve got joint finances,” Phil snorted. “And it’s a children’s playground.”

“Never underestimate the dangers! We’re getting old,” Dan said, the last bit with a glint in his eye.

“We are not. Now get on the seesaw, buddy.”

Dan did. As predictably, it tipped under his weight. His legs were far too long, having to almost curl up to fit on the tiny footrests but he just managed it. Phil tried to not let the seesaw drop all the way down by keeping his foot on it, but Dan was heavier than he’d thought.

“Just let me fall, huh?” he asked, bright smile on his face, even with the accusation.

“And now I’m about to raise you up!” Phil argued and got on himself.

Dan had made it look quite easy. It wasn’t. Phil’s legs were too long as well and it felt like his muscles protested as soon as he tried to bend them into position. But he was going to do this, and his body just had to get on board with the fun.

It did. He managed to cram himself onto the little seat and then they were swinging. Their weight was similar enough that they evened out almost perfectly. And Phil got the pleasure of looking right at Dan, with his messy hair and the dark circles under his eyes and the small smile on his lips.

He rocked back a little, clinging on tightly with his hands, and let them tip back and forth. Dan did the same and soon they were rocking back and forth gently. Phil got a vision of them in rocking chairs on some porch as old men instead of being in their 30’s and rocking back and forth on a seesaw in a playground.

The movement was small, but there was still something fun about it. Maybe just because it was an indulgence and an experience shared with Dan. Most things were more fun when they were shared.

“Happy?” Dan asked, sounding caught been exasperated and fond.

“Yes,” Phil said, warm and secure.

Dan’s eyes softened a little. He knew that Phil didn’t just mean in this moment.

It was so good to have Dan back. Phil had taken to staring at him more than normal, delighting in looking over and just be able to see him without a screen between them. He never quite wanted to go back to that again. Long distance wasn’t made for them, at least not for long.

Though it was all good in the end, as long as he got Dan back.

“I see you started without us,” Martyn called out.

Phil turned to look at him walking into the playground with Freja on his hip, Cornelia walking behind with a bag slung over her shoulder. They never really went anywhere with Freja without a bag for her things.

It reminded Phil of how he and Dan would bring just one shared backpack going to the BBC when they went to do the radio show. They’d take turns carrying it, just like Cornelia and Martyn did.

“We can’t let the kids have all of the fun,” Dan quipped, and then it looked like he was ready to get off.

Phil wasn’t quite ready for that yet.

“Corn?” he called out.

“Yeah?”

“Take a video of us?” he requested, effectively halting Dan’s movements.

Dan raised an eyebrow at Phil in question, but Phil didn’t meet his gaze. He wanted to remember this moment. He wanted video of it. He loved that he had so many fun memories with Dan captured on camera and this would be another one.

“Got it,” she said with practiced easy, pulling out her phone.

Martyn sat Freja down who pointed at the two of them. “Guncles,” she mumbled out, words half hidden behind her other hand shyly coming up to her mouth.

Dan threw his head back and laughed. It made the whole seesaw move more his way; elevating Phil as Dan threw his weight around.

“Did she just call us… guncles? Who’s taught her that?” he asked, looking pointedly at Phil, but he looked quite touched.

“No one, she came up with that all on her own,” Phil argued, trying to wink at Freja and not really succeeding.

“Liar,” Martyn was quick to call him out. Phil could always count on his big brother being a little shit. “Phil practically rehearsed it with her on his birthday visit.”

Dan laughed again, and it was such a lovely sound. Phil rolled his eyes, but he was smiling too.

“Alright, ready when you are, boys,” Cornelia called, camera ready in her hand.

Dan and Phil exchanged one look and then schooled their expressions. They kept their faces neutral as they rocked back and forth a couple of times. Phil hoped it came off both as silly and a little eerie.

“Some performer you are, huh?” Cornelia said with a shake of her head as she lowered her phone. “You make the seesaw look tiny.”

“It is tiny,” Phil argued.

Suddenly, Freja ran over and tried to climb up on the middle piece unprompted. She couldn’t quite clamber up on her own, even as Phil put a foot down to steady the seesaw for her. She turned around and pointed at her father.

“Up!” she requested and then tried to climb on again.

Martyn grabbed her and carefully placed her on the little platform in the middle. She let out a delighted giggle, even as her legs wobbled under her. Martyn stayed by her side, keeping a hand on her shoulder to steady her and be ready to catch her if she lost balance. Phil carefully eased his foot off the ground and the seesaw started swinging back and forth again.

Cornelia walked around to the other side and lifted her phone to film again.

“Want to swap out, Corn?” Dan asked. “I can get one of the family together.”

Phil was about to protest that Dan was just as much a part of the family, but Cornelia beat him to it.

“You’re family too, Dan. Besides I want a video of my little girl with her father and her guncles.”

Freja seemed to agree, wiggling her little butt happily. Phil took that as they should keep the gentle rocking of the seesaw going. He may even had leaned back as much as possible to give it more momentum. Dan did the same on the other side and she let out a happy laugh.

Martyn rolled his eyes at the two of them, but he also couldn’t quite keep the smile off his face.

It didn’t take long for Freja to tire of the seesaw, and so they went around the playground watching her try everything at least once. She was so full of energy and Martyn and Cornelia seemed delighted that Dan and Phil were the ones running around with her the most. It seemed like it was a welcome break for them.

Phil was pretty sure he was more exhausted than Freja by the time they left the playground. They waved off Martyn, Cornelia and Freja, but not after Freja ran up and gave both him and Dan a hug.

She also kept waving at them from over her mother’s shoulder.

“She’s quite cute,” Dan said, falling into step next to Phil. He walked close enough that their shoulders bumped with each step as they headed back. “I’m fucking exhausted though. She’s fast.”

“She is,” Phil agreed with a chuckle. “Not quite rocking back gently on a seesaw for her.”

Dan let out a hum of agreement. “It was fun though,” he said, voice barely loud enough to be heard.

“What did you say?” Phil asked, mostly just to make him repeat himself.

Dan narrowed his eyes in mock annoyance but he did repeat himself all the same.

“The seesaw. With you. It was fun.”

“I’m glad,” Phil said, feeling warmth spread in his chest. “It’s supposed to be fun.”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed. “And it was but also just… there’s something life affirming about it. Like… you never get too old or too big to play around. No one is stopping you except yourself. Life if meant to be fun and silly, and do random things just for the sake of it. It’s what everything is about.”

The warmth continued to expand in Phil’s chest and he leaned close enough to latch onto Dan’s arm.

“You got all that from a children’s seesaw?” he asked, chuckling.

“Shut up.”

“No. You’re being soft and sentimental. That means I’m allowed to tease you.”

“I never signed anything like that,” Dan protested, while fighting a smile.

“Yes, you did. Must always entertain Phil’s whims. Must endure teasing when sentimental,” Phil listed off on his fingers. “It’s all right there in our contract.”

“What contract? I just told you I didn’t sign anything.”

“Hmm, well, I know how to forge your signature, so are you sure about that?” Phil teased, leaning his head on Dan’s shoulder for just a moment.

He wanted to get snuggled up once they were back at his parents’ house. It was nice enough to be outside in the fresh air and run around but it felt like they could do with getting cosy and warm now. A little late morning nap never hurt anyone. It wasn’t like their sleep schedules could be more thrown off than they already were.

“What else have you signed with my signature, Philip Michael Lester?” Dan asked, even as he pulled Phil more into his side as they walked.

Just like they had balanced each other out on the seesaw, it was so easy to fall into perfect step next to each other. The length of their strides and the tempo matched without a second thought. A side effect of having walked next to each other for so many years.

“Oh, you know. All the regular stuff. Deals with the devil and such.”

“You sold the devil my soul. Imagine their disappointment when they find out that I have none. That’s mean of you,” Dan said, voice growing a little tired. A little sleepy.

They were almost back at Phil’s parents’ house. Judging by the look on his face it seemed like it wouldn’t take much to convince Dan to crawl back into bed.

“It’s incredible that you work actually. No soul and no heart,” Phil said.

“No heart?” Dan echoed.

“Yeah, ‘cause you handed it off to me,” he said, cringing a little at his own cheesiness. Dan was the one for sappy declarations, but at times Phil tried to purposely speak his language.

It was worth it when Dan snorted, almost choking on a laugh.

“You did not just say that. That’s corny as shit, Phil,” Dan protested, even as he tried to lean closer to Phil. Almost melting into his side as they walked side by side.

“Doesn’t matter. You love it. You want to hear all that corny shit,” he said, full of confidence.

Dan shook his head but didn’t argue. It would have no point. They both knew he’d lose that discussion. Phil knew him too well.

His phone buzzed in his pocket just as they reached the house. He pulled it out to find a message from Cornelia. She’d sent over the two videos of them on the seesaw. The first one with their stoic faces and the second one with Freja giggling in the middle and Martyn standing behind her.

“Look,” Phil said, leaning close to show Dan the two videos.

“Cute. You should post the first one,” he said as he pushed open the front door.

The car hadn’t been out front, so Phil’s parents had probably left to do something. Phil still called out to announce their return just in case he was wrong. No one replied.

“What, with no context?” Phil asked, even as he already moved to save the video.

“Keep them on their toes,” Dan said with a shrug. “And to remind them that if grown ass men can play in a playground, then so can they. You’re never too old for a little fun.”

“We look more like we’re being held hostage,” Phil said, as he opened Twitter and picked the video from his gallery.

“All part of the aesthetic,” Dan said, closing the front door behind Phil that he’d just left open because he’d been distracted by his phone. “That and my awful hair.”

“It’s cute,” Phil maintained. He left the video sitting in his drafts for now. He could post it later. Right now, he was much more interested in putting his phone away and falling into bed with Dan. “Come to bed?”

“We just got out of bed like an hour and a half ago,” Dan argued, even as he toed off his shoes and hung up his jacket and headed right back to the guest room.

Phil did the same and when Dan wasn’t moving fast enough, he grasped him by the hand and pulled just to make sure that he didn’t get any other idea. Again, Dan let himself get pulled and they stripped off their pants and just crawled back under the covers.

“We’ve been outside, we’ve been active. We deserve a little rest,” Phil argued, and snuggled up close.

His nose was slightly cold, and he nosed along the underside of Dan’s jaw. Dan pinched Phil’s hip but otherwise didn’t protest being used as a personal heater. Phil then reached up to trail his hands through Dan’s curls one more time.

He hummed contently and leaned into Phil’s touch.

“Thank you for dragging me along, and making me remember to have fun,” Dan mumbled, speaking against the top of Phil’s head. He placed a soft kiss there.

“Always,” Phil promised. “We’ll be 84 years old and I’ll still make you ride the seesaw with me.”

#phanfiction #phanfic #my stories

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feelingofcontent · 3 years ago

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DNP Rewatch: Never Have I Ever!

Date video was published: 01/17/2020 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 406

The first video of 2020! A nice 'easy' video for the start of the year. Also the first story-type video for Phil since coming out (not counting the draw my life).

0:00 - love that his painting from Trying To Follow A Festive Bob Ross Tutorial! is now in the background. also he turned on the lava lamp too late...it’s doing nothing in this video

0:02 - why did he say “period” so weirdly

0:06 - he did post several of those

0:16 - love the running “Phil.exe” annotation joke. also, now he’s done the Never Have I Ever concept a lot with his Shorts videos

0:35 - that “naked” was very intense

0:48 - a chance to tell stories he couldn’t tell pre-coming-out

0:56 - that is very censored... “and no comment” yeah don’t think I want to know 😳

1:10 - um. well this is a start. somewhat surprised he left one in that he skipped over

1:14 - love the giant “LIES”

1:24 - why is he sharing so much about his wedgie issues 😂

1:44 - “self butt fondler” sure

1:55 - Phil is amused by these questions...also he didn’t give an answer to that one, lol

2:00 - nooooo, dapg clips make me sad

2:13 - can’t believe he didn’t eat a bug ever as a child

2:17 - does it? my first assumption would just be like, colored it with a bath bomb or something. but either way, we see where Phil’s mind is...

2:30 - why is there so much pee

2:52 - “that’s a dodgy one to admit to...” no shit

2:54 - let me tell you...my shock the first time I watched this, when Phil started a story for this question

3:20 - the build up to the story is great

3:37 - love the “I’m gay” as the first thing

3:45 - I mean...I guess that is one way to get out of the situation. also was saying “tongue session” necessary 👀

4:07 - again...just didn’t answer the question. he only answers about every-other-one 😂

4:09 - but Dan has

4:28 - he is very consistent on that

4:43 - someone always takes it too far

4:48 - he promoed the video with this photo of course

4:59 - what does that even mean. I’m glad Phil can laugh about it now

5:20 - I don’t think I would want to see angry intense Phil

5:46 - love that you can see Phil remembering things

5:51 - poor Kath, lol

6:07 - radio show! also, Phil knowing he can just find a clip of that immediately

6:30 - Kath with the solid advice and the random questions

6:50 - yeah I’m with Phil here; can’t go too long without brushing my teeth or I feel gross

6:57 - ...did he need to say it like that

7:05 - still can’t believe his parents let him walk around with that hair

7:16 - that is a very loud animal noise, yikes

7:27 - this is such a Phil reason to get kicked out of a bar

7:39 - Phil really does like boats it seems

7:53 - good advice there from Phil

7:59 - “who wrote this, an alien?” 😂

8:08 - they scare me slightly too...maybe not for that specific reason

8:21 - the targeted ads really know him, haha

8:32 - love his reaction to that

8:40 - aww, nice but gullible Phil

9:06 - agree about the wording; he is certainly giggling a lot at that though

9:18 - “I got to talk about pee a lot” priorities?

9:40 - the endscreen on this one is very long

I guess my summary of this video could just be “why, Phil?!” It is a very amusing one and I like hearing new Phil stories that he hadn’t told before.

DNP were both back in London for the New Year (1, 2) and then had a relaxing early January (1, 2, 3, 4, 5), as usual. They also went to a VR bar with Martyn and Cornelia (1, 2, 3, 4). When Phil filmed and posted this video, he was home by himself. This is when Dan was in LA for mysterious meeting reasons (1, 2). They did talk a bit in one of the stereo shows that it was for potential joint projects.

#dan and phil #dnp #dnpRewatch #amazingphil #phil lester #amazingphil videos #Never Have I Ever!

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ivi-prism · 4 years ago

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Grian (edgy mcedgy has a long ass backstory because of course he does)

Oh void is Grian time. Edge and angst bellow

Okay soooo in other posts I have expanded on the deal with the watchers and voidwalkers but I’ll recount it briefly here

Watchers are embodiments of the void and they created most of what makes up the universe today, the voidwalkers, a void adapted humanoid sentient species, was their first attempt at a completly sentient being. Turns out experimenting on a sentient civilization with powers similar to yours was not a good idea even if you created them.

After two different conflicts the Watchers decided that dealing with Voidwalkers was not worth it so they peaced out to the outer regions of the universe out of the sphere of influence of the Voidwalkers/humans/hyrbids and the IPA.

One of their experimental worlds was one where they put a ton of humans and allowed them to build their civilization just to later introduce various hybrids (hybrids are talked about in other post if you are curious).

The inhabitants of this world don’t know about there being other worlds with a functioning interplanetary society nor are they aware they can use magic, that respawn technology is a thing and they don’t know about the watchers that created their world .

In this world is where Grian was born and where he spent the first years of his life. We know YHS by now but for whoever dosen’t know here is the short of it.

Grian got hella neglected, basically getting abandoned by age 6 to fend by himself as his parents only provided him money and nothing more. He was held back a year in high school and he went on an exchange course where he meet Taurtis and Sam. Sam (a rabbit hybrid) went off the deep end and basically left Grian severly traumatized (also Grian survived a shot out during this period and he still has the scars on his torso). Things escalated to the point where Grian, Taurtis and Sam basically brough the end of their world. Facilitated by the watchers, why exactly? Who knows. They are gods and pricks and they do whatever they want.

From here on out the watchers picked the three boys since they turned out to be really interesting and gave them immortality. Stuck at age 18 with his friend and Sam over the empty abyss of the universe didn’t do any good to Grian. He eventually pushed Sam off the house as he couldn’t deal with him anymore.

Instead of being punished he and Taurtis where placed in a new world. The world of EVO.

Watchers would use this world to test all the little humans and hybrids they had been collecting to see which ones could be turned into Watchers.

(Watchers where low on numbers in comparison to voidwalkers so they had picked up the habit of taking humans and transforming them into their own kind)

Evo goes as it went in canon, of course the debizens of EVO have an openly more hostile relationship with watchers. The selection process starts with Grian being picked to join and would have continued if it weren't for the listeners intervining (listeners are a rebel faction of watchers, they are explored in other posts)

Grian is separated from his friends (taurtis, pearl, jimmy, martyn, netty, bigb, the gang basically) and is transformed into a watcher, or rather he was on the process of being transformed until he escaped.

He spent a lot of time alone in deserted worlds out of fear of being found again and while he figured if his friends were still alive and someway to get to them, he created NPG and RoboGrian in different instances out of sheer desperation to have company but both creations resulted faulty and Grian had to scrape them.

On his lonliest moment he found a world struggling to grow and he helped it out using his magic secretly. This world would grow into Wynncraft. Of course he gained some fame as a builder thanks to helping it.

Eventually Grian managed to get his friends back! He hanged with them and slowly but surely managed to build a story to join in the IPA without raising suspicions, all while this was going on he and Taurtis shared a world while both of them recovered form the past events. (the build swap videos??? thos ego here) During this time Grian also managed to bring one of his friends back from his vanished world (is DomRao everyone :D)

Grian spent a good while just working as a builder and doing his own thing, even returning to Wynncraft and helping it further. People made the connection this was the same guy as before but only the admins there where half aware something was 'odd' about Grian, but they never asked since he had been very helpful.

This job in Wynncraft and his other contributions he did as a builder, as well as his rather mysterious past if you knew where to look at, would land him an offer to join Hermitcraft but he didn’t accept it until much later when travelling around the universe with his powers he would stumble into Mumbo’s redstone testing worlds and gain and interest for the creator of the machines.

He would actively befriend him since he looked lonley and eventually they became friends. Their friendship was one of the main factors that pushed Grian to finally join Hermitcraft.

While on HC he told Xisuma about his past and powers since hidding that from him, a voidwalker that was giving him a safe place where he couldn’t be found seemed unfair. X thanked him for his honesty and just asked him to not abuse those powers.

Grian only uses his watcher powers for pranks and games and sometimes to help out hermits but for the most part most of his magic is directed to keeping the world cloaked so watchers can’t find it (concidering the Hermits always settle in the outer regions of the area controlled by the IPA this is a HUUUGE factor as to why they can remain safe)

I did a post separetly delving more on Grian’s powers if someone is curious

Link back to Hermits backstories

#grian #canon reloaded au #hermits CR au backstories #gosh this one is SUUUUUUUPER long #sorry about that #canon reloaded au tree link layer 3

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natigail · 4 years ago

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natigail’s 2020 Fic Round-up

Inspired by a couple of people on my dash, I wanted to make a round up of all the fics that I’ve written this year. It’s been a very productive year for me. 30 fics in total and over 836k words. That’s my best record yet with posting. 2020 was a shit year in a lot of ways but I definitely found refuge in writing and reading fic. Thank you to anyone who have left a kudos or like on my work and in particular those who’ve taken the time to reblog and comment. It really means so much more than you know.

I wrote mostly phanfics this year, but I also kept up with a nice selection of BTS and Sanders Sides and revisited an old Undertale universe and dabbled in two new things - Among Us and Merlin. It was a really fun year.

Since it’s a long list, I’ll post it below the cut and I’ve divided it up into fandoms.

Phan

Chaptered works

Strictly Come Dancing but make it GAY (+150k, famous!Dan, dancer!Phil, slow burn, ballroom dancing, mutual pining, lgbtq+ themes) - WIP

Dan Howell calls Strictly out on Twitter for not allowing any same-sex couples and accidentally volunteers himself to be one of the contestants if they were to change that. It was a joke. It had so clearly been a joke. Why did they take him up on it?! He’s sure he’ll trip over his own feet and hate every second, but then he meets his partner, the endearingly clumsy dancer Phil Lester.

to all the people i’ve loved before (and the one who actually made me fall in love) (64k, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before AU, fake relationship, bi!Dan, demi!Phil, slow burn, love letters)

Phil doesn’t crush on people often, but when he does the emotions seem to overwhelm him. The only way he knows how to deal is to write love letters. They were never meant to be read. The most recent letter threatens to ruin his relationship with his big brother Martyn, so in a fit of panic, Phil finds himself turning to the boy who was the recipient of the very first love letter for help. Even if he is Dan Howell, the school heartthrob.

sleep away (18k, 2009, alternate first meeting, insomnia, falling asleep on strangers, bed sharing, no hurt just comfort)

A stranger falls asleep on Phil’s shoulder while riding on the Underground. Phil is content to let him rest however long he needs. He doesn’t expect the guy - Dan - to wake up and be mad about it. a.k.a. the three times Dan accidentally falls asleep on Phil and the one time he does it on purpose.

One shots - AUs

all that kindred eyes can see (16.6k, teachers AU, partly outsider POV, original kid characters, lgbtq+ themes)

Teachers Dan and Phil figure that they could quite easily keep their relationship secret while working at the same school. It's only for half a year after all. But the keen eyes of a trio of friends soon start to pick up on little hints and clues. It's a good thing the students mostly just want to admire their love and figure themselves out along the way.

snuggle up close, let me hold your pieces in place, even if it’s just for a night (13k, university AU, bed sharing, huddling for warmth, coming out)

It was just one thing after another really. Broken down bus with a whole class of freshers. Dingy hotel room that was cold as fuck. No one wanting to share a room with Dan. But then the TA Phil stepped up to the plate and defended Dan. Of course, it meant that the two of them ended up sharing a bed, and then the heater had to break. It’s the perfect excuse for sharing body warmth and confessions.

i jump for my phone every moment it lights up (5.7k, social media/texting AU, different first meeting, quarantine, humour)

Dan left YouTube behind to become an actor, but years later when coronavirus hits and forces him into self-imposed quarantine he rediscovers an old passion of his - AmazingPhil. He hadn’t counted on becoming internet friends with him, or falling in love for that matter.

clumsy, not creepy (4.9k, ghost!Phil, student!Dan, roommates, ghost shenanigans)

Enter Philip Michael Lester – the clumsiest ghost in the world. And Daniel James Howell – the guy who didn’t believe in ghosts. Well, until he met one.

candles are how we keep fires as pets (3.7k, magical AU, magical creatures, witch!Dan, established relationship, pets)

Dan tries to convince Phil that no, they absolutely cannot adopt the fire sprite that comes to visit their flat every day. Spoiler: He fails spectacularly.

One shots - reality setting

they grew up so nicely, didn’t they? (15k, reality, outsider POV from Cornelia, 2009-2020, domestic fluff)

Cornelia doesn’t just get a boyfriend when she starts dating Martyn, she gets a whole second family too. Kath and Nigel welcome her with open arms and she becomes a pseudo older sister to Phil. She is there watching from the sidelines as a boy bolts right into Phil’s heart and sets up camp. She gets to watch as Dan and Phil build careers and an internet community and all the trials and tribulations, as well as the pride and happiness, it brings along.

Here’s some faves from my camera roll this year (5k, reality, 2020, birthday fluff, established relationship, introspection)

1 birthday tweet. 4 photos. 4 domestic memories. 1 smiling Phil. 1 fond Dan.

you’re always welcome here; you made this home for us (3.4k, reality, 2020, established relationship, phandom and creator relationship, introspection)

They haven’t forgotten about him; they still miss and care about him and they welcome and embrace him with open arms. Dan has been away for a while but the viewers still love him.

attention wins your affection and oh, how i love it so (3.2k, reality, dog sitting, 2020, established relationship, domestic fluff)

Dan and Phil dog-sit a friend’s dog and Dan realises just how much Phil acts like a dog with how he expresses affection and Dan falls a little bit more in love.

the bonus prize (3k, reality, 2020, established relationship, domestic fluff, kissing)

Dan asks for a bonus prize. Phil is willing to give him whatever he wants. But that isn’t exactly a new development.

a tiny christmas tree (3k, reality, 2020, christmas fluff, domestic, introspection)

What do you get when you combine companions through life, yearning for a forever home and Christmas all around them? You get Phil making an impulsive purchase.

now it’s we, us and ours (2.9k, reality, 2009-2020, falling in love, introspection, 1st person POV)

It had always been me, myself and I. I had never had a best friend. I had never had anyone who truly understood me. I had never thought I’d find anyone, but then you came into my life and I couldn’t have been more wrong.

quiet moment of pride (2.4k, reality, 2020, pride, introspection, established relationship)

It’s difficult to breathe lately with the current state of the world. It’s vital to help how you can, but it’s also important to look after yourself. Phil reminds Dan to breathe.

BTS

Independent chaptered works

The brightest star in my constellation (150k, office AU, reader insert, work place environment)

You had never imagined that you’d actually get a chance to interview and become part of the famous team BTS team of Big Hit Advertisement. It’s not a dance on roses and you have to prove your worth but it is all worth it as you get to know seven special, kind-hearted and hard-working boys and work on projects that actually have a positive impact. It’s a world-wind to be wrapped up in, but you find yourself happily spinning along and the work and team dynamic might not be all that you end up falling in love with.

Innocent despite proven guilty (74.8k, prison AU, namkook, enemies to friends to lovers, wrongfully imprisoned, angst)

Jungkook’s life falls apart when he’s sentenced to prison for a crime he didn’t commit. He expects to see the worst of humanity in his fellow inmates, and he is sure he will be torn apart and broken on the first night. He’s not sure how to feel when he ends up with Kim Namjoon as his cellmate. Coldblooded killer, assumed psychopath, and someone Jungkook used to admire. After all, prison snuffs out every speck of kindness and demands that you will either eat or be eaten.

would it be alright if i pulled you closer? (32.9k, vmin, Idol AU, strangers to friends to lovers, singer!Taehyung and dancer!Jimin)

Taehyung had always just let himself get pulled along in life. He just knew that he was good in front of a camera. First, it was acting in TV shows and later it’s throwing himself into the idol machine. He could deal with the loneliness of it, he thought, until one back-up dancer caught his eye and he suddenly saw his first chance at a real friend. He finds that and so much more in Jimin but life isn’t always easy.

Fantasy series

Curse, Capture & Caught (48k, fantasy AU, vmon, enemies to lovers, druid!Tae, witch!Joon)

Due to Namjoon’s foolhardiness, Seokjin is suffering from an incurable demonic curse. Lost for other options, Namjoon wanders into a druid forest intent on stealing water from their blessed spring, which are rumoured to be able to cure all ills. But witches and druids are at war, and any witch knows what horrible fate befall witches caught by a druid.

Fraudulent Fae Facts (51.3k, fantasy AU, yoonmin, enemies to friends to lovers, fairy!Jimin, witch!Yoongi)

Yoongi isn’t happy that the fairy has become a part of his life through befriending his gullible friends. He has a good and valid reason to hate the fae and he doesn’t want anything to do with Jimin, least of all have to teach him witch spells or having to save his ass. Even if it’s a nice ass.

Subtle Species Synergy (51k, fantasy AU, jinkook, enemies to lovers, human!Seokjin, druid!Jungkook)

Jungkook doesn’t like that everything has changed lately. Ever since a witch stumbled into the druid forest, and Taehyung spared him, helped him and then proceeded to fall in love. Now Jungkook is finding himself wrapped up in friendships with witches and developing a soft spot for the very same human that set everything in motion that changed his life. Twice.

Happy Hopeful Heartbeat (16.7k, fantasy AU, found family, nephilim!Hoseok)

Hoseok knew the seven of them were standing in front of a practically insurmountable task in getting the druids to accept other species inside of their sacred forest. Even so, they had to persevere for the sake of their two youngest in the group. If a nephilim, two witches, a human, a fairy and two druids could find each other and come together in love and friendship, there was always hope for overcoming differences.

Sanders Sides

Chaptered

shy like a kurinji flower (34.7k, LAMP, magical AU, witches, polyamory)

Virgil wanders. He wanders and he wanders and he never lets himself put roots down anywhere. He is sure no one would want someone like him around. Not only is he a witch in hiding but he’s gay on top of it. Two things that the world largely disapproves of. But then one day, he wanders into a town that sends him on an errand to a little witch village and into the home and hearts of three other witches. Virgil both wants to run away and stay forever.

One shots

Virgil! You are my anxiety! No one else’s! (19k, canon compliant, Virgil’s POV)

Virgil doesn’t like that Thomas is allowing one of the others to stick around outside of his head, and he’s even more baffled to find that Thomas is listening and indirectly forcing all of them to play along with the web of lies that he spins. Virgil feels powerless to stop it, and all he can really do is watch as things fall more and more apart.

Virgil, enough is enough; you must let this happen! (14.5k, canon compliant, Virgil’s POV)

After Virgil confessed his big secret to Thomas, things have been different between them. Virgil isn’t shutting himself out again and Thomas isn’t casting him out either but things as still tense. When Thomas decides to escape to the mall, Virgil is content to leave him alone with Roman in charge. Virgil really isn’t sure how he ended up arguing with Roman over how to flirt with a guy.

Among Us

The Calm to The Storm (+44k, imposter/crewmate, aliens, murder, enemies to lovers) - WIP

They are enemies with opposing missions. Cyan is supposed to fix the Skeld and make sure everyone makes it home okay. Black is supposed to sabotage the Skeld and make sure that none of the human crewmates survive. Black should have killed Cyan at first opportunity and Cyan should have reported Black at first sight of suspicion. They do no such things and now they have to figure out why they are hesitating.

!! Secret smut fic, 20k !!

Undertale

Isn’t It Our Responsibility To Do The Right Thing? (+34k, sans/reader, post pacifist route, sequel to You Can Determine The Future Of Our World) - WIP

There has been established a tentative peace between the monsters and the humans since the treaty and New New Home has grown and adapted to allow a more diverse population. Everything still seemed to indicate that they were in a good timeline, until Sans starts acting weird and secretive. Something is up and it’s not good news. It’s never good news if it concerns the void. Or rather, who might come out of it.

Merlin

Merlin’s Mercy (11.9k, different first meeting AU, enemies working together, canon divergence)

Camelot is in peril and the knights can do little to stop the raging dragon determined to burn it all to the ground. They need help, even if Uther is seething at the mere mention of seeking help from a sorcerer. But not a regular sorcerer won’t do, they need a Dragonlord and Arthur sets off to find one at most haste. He is not prepared to meet Merlin, not at all.

#phanfic #bts fic #sanders sides fic #my stories #2020 #yearly recap

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dvp95 · 5 years ago

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quiet on widow’s peak (14)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.4k (this chapter), 46.4k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

"You're Martyn's brother, right?"

"Martyn is my brother," Phil corrects her, doing his best to keep a straight face. He's never met the teenager, but she'd been happy enough to get on Skype with him for his last-ditch attempt at getting some information that isn't useless. He's really running out of ideas, and he isn't sure how much longer he can stretch this case out. "And you're Frankie's sister."

"Frankie is my sister," she repeats. Her grin is wide, her teeth straight and lips painted a dark pink. Phil wonders how that colour would look on Dan.

Great. He'd managed a whole thirteen minutes of coordinating this Skype call without thinking about Dan. It's a new record at this point, and all it took to break it was the memory of how pretty Dan looked with lip stuff on.

"I'm going to start recording now," he says, getting his various windows all sorted before pressing the big red button on his software. "Can you state your name and connection to the case for us?"

"Sure. I'm Val and I'm one of the people responsible for the sigils in the Wilkins place attic."

Phil freezes. He hadn't known that. Val had simply confirmed that she and her friends had gotten in trouble for trespassing in September, and now Phil feels like an unprepared idiot for not seeing how connected she was to the mystery before he hit call. He wonders what Dan would say about that.

He checks the time again. Definitely less than thirteen minutes that time.

"Will you tell us a bit about sigils in your own words?" Phil asks. Maybe if he keeps her talking, he’ll have time to lasso his wandering mind back into place. "I've done my own research, of course, but I think it can be useful to hear it from someone who knows what they're talking about, y'know? Plus," he adds, giving her a conspiratory sort of smile, "then I can use your voiceover instead of recording one myself."

Val laughs and launches into a Sigils For Dummies explanation that Phil does his best not to interrupt. He asks some leading questions and mentions his own hit or miss experience with taking sigils into the house. For a teenager, she's surprisingly eloquent. Moreso than Phil is, anyway.

They talk a bit about the Wilkins place the way he had with the other people he's interviewed, because he's fairly certain that Val's testimony will be the only one that he actually ends up using for his video. He doesn't let himself feel any creeping sense of hope, though. She could still have nothing aside from some fun backstory, and this whole investigation could still be a failure.

Not just the investigation, either. Phil doesn't like to conflate his own worth with the content he produces, because there are always going to be people who are unhappy with what he does - including himself, more and more lately - and he can't be worrying about his future every time a video doesn't pan out the way he wants it to. Something about this case is making him feel that in a way he tries very hard not to on others. Maybe it's how close it is to home, quite literally, or just how helpless he'd felt while waiting for his friends to wake up.

This investigation could still be a failure, and so could Phil. He can't deny how entwined those are right now.

Phil knows he shouldn't be basing his decisions on something as volatile as a single YouTube video, not when he's usually comfortable posting anything that's entertaining, but he feels like the tide is coming in and he's going to get swept away unless he moves somewhere.

"So, back to your sigils specifically," says Phil. He's supposed to be taking notes or something, probably, but instead he's just doodling some half-assed sigils of his own.

"Yes. We heard about all the incidences and, while we were pretty sure that not everything going around was true, my friends and I wanted to check in and make sure. We did a couple of different rituals first, cleansing the space and trying to see if we could find the presence, but..." Val went quiet for a long moment. "Well. I don't know what exactly was in there, but there was something."

"What makes you so sure?" Phil asks quietly.

"Well, you can feel it," she says. She runs her hands over her own forearms, like she's a mime pretending to be cold. "Goosepimples. Hair on the back of your neck standing up. You keep wanting to turn around, but nothing is looking back at you from the darkness."

Phil keeps his own input rather impartial in interviews. There's no real reason to alert anyone to his own opinions on what might be going on - that's what the wrap-up is for.

So instead of telling Val that he felt everything she's talking about, he simply asks, "Is that all?"

"No," says Val. "No, the rituals we tried to do... it didn't work, Phil. And I know you might be thinking that rituals aren't supposed to work or that magic isn't real or something, but it's not just that nothing happened. It's that... it was like something was messing with them on purpose. My candles kept blowing out even though there wasn't a draught and Sammy's sage bundle just... disappeared. It really scared us, to be honest."

"Why didn't you just leave the place alone from then on?"

"We knew people weren't going to stop partying there," she says. "And that's... a choice, I guess. But we wanted to help if we could, so..."

"So you put the sigils on the floor," he says when she can only finish with a vague gesture. "I know that you can't tell me their exact meanings or anything, since you don't know them anymore, but can you give me a general gist of what you guys were trying to do?"

"Sure, yeah," she says, shifting around like she's getting comfortable in her chair. Phil can see an incense burner on her desk next to a perilous-looking stack of books, and he wishes he could light a candle or something. His room, and his parents' whole house really, has been smelling like nothing but cleaning supplies since he got here. "We took different roles, kind of? I focus on minor protection most of the time, so it was my job to make sigils that would sort of protect innocent people from coming into contact with whatever the entity was, while Sammy is more about healing and cleansing - she was trying to heal the house, I think. We tried not to talk about them in detail so we didn't fuck each other's things up, because the whole thing felt a bit too high-stakes for that."

Phil doesn't know nearly enough about sigils to know whether or not the ones in the attic were helpful or harmful, but he's glad he didn't have to talk to a bunch of teenagers trying to summon a demon or anything. For the second time this year.

"That's really good of you to try," Phil says with a little smile. He's trying to figure out exactly how he should play this one. "And you covered a good amount of the floor."

"Of course, that's when the cops got called," Val grins back.

"That's when the cops always get called," he says.

He's got a handful of other questions for her, but Val doesn't actually know much more about the Wilkins place that she hasn't already told him, and he doesn't want a lesson on protection magic today. She says that he can email her when the video is up, and to send her any other interesting magic cases he comes across in the future.

The future. Phil is trying not to think about that too much right now. He promises, anyway, and ends the call on a fairly light note.

He's got more of an idea how he wants this video to look, now that he's gotten one of the small mysteries solved. He exports the video and audio from the call separately, knowing he's going to use a good chunk of Val's answers as narration over the surviving footage. Not that he has much of that - just the tour of the house that he and his friends had gotten the first night and some more dark corners in VHS and Polaroid form. He knows that he can make a video out of what he's got.

The problem is that he also knows it won't be good enough.

Sure, it might be good enough for his audience - most of them, anyway, since he's got a pretty stubborn set of fans - but it isn't good enough for Phil.

His suspicion is confirmed after a couple more hours of cobbling together what survived into a rough edit, which he sends off to PJ. After a moment of thought, he adds a final line to the email.

P.S. I know you already told me that you aren't a gender guru and that was really funny and everything and I don't expect you to like educate me or whatever, but why do things get so effing complicated with it????? Like I had myself figured out and now I don't, and that sucks.

PJ calls him a little after dinner, lulling Phil into a false sense of security with questions and comments and suggestions about the video. Phil has almost forgotten about the postscript entirely, but then PJ cheerfully says, "So you're an idiot, huh?"

"Yeah," says Phil. "Wait, why?"

"What's so complicated about gender for you?" PJ asks, and Phil wishes he'd never answered the phone. "Are you questioning?"

"You know that I'm not," says Phil, rolling his eyes.

They've known each other for years, and PJ is his best friend, and there is no way in hell that he doesn't know exactly why Phil is Googling words he'd only ever thought about in passing before. He can practically hear PJ's smirk. He seriously considers hanging up before this gets even more humiliating.

"Yeah, I know, but thought I'd ask in case," says PJ. "It would be irresponsible of me as your token trans friend to act like I know how you feel about your own gender."

It's the first time that Phil has actually heard him use the word. He'd always imagined that PJ talked in riddles on purpose, like maybe he didn't actually want to use words for things when he could use extended metaphors and jokes instead, but it's possible that Phil just hadn't been paying enough attention, because PJ sounds ridiculously comfortable with saying it out loud.

"You're not my token anything," Phil says. He waits a beat, picturing PJ's skeptical expression, before he adds, "Dan's my friend, too."

"Dan," PJ repeats. "You've got it bad, my friend."

"What?"

"I can hear it in your voice. You already miss them, don't you? You've been spending all your spare time with them already, you absolute knob. And let me guess," PJ continues before Phil can even attempt to defend himself, "you've got it in your head that liking Dan makes you less gay?"

Phil touches the tip of his nose and then remembers that PJ can't actually see him.

"Maybe," Phil hedges. He knows that PJ is right and he's sure that PJ knows it too, but admitting that is a whole other beast. "And it's also, like... it isn't fair, is it?"

"Fair to who?"

Despite everything in Phil wanting to brush the subject off and start talking about ghosts instead, he takes a moment to consider the question. He supposes that it isn't fair to either of them, really. His feelings for Dan are throwing everything he knows about his sexuality into question and he doesn't know how to deal with that.

Because Phil is gay. He's very gay. He's known it for a long time, even if most of his family members are still in the dark about it, and he's never had reason to think about it like this before. Sure, he's had the usual fantasies of how much easier things would be if he were straight, but he's never actually wanted to be. Maybe he doesn't talk about it the way some people do, but that's because it's far from the most interesting thing about him. Phil has never really considered it other peoples' business.

That doesn't change the fact that it's a fundamental part of him.

Someone who's gorgeous and tall and has big hands that fit ridiculously well into Phil's own shouldn't be enough to throw a wrench in that certainty. But they have, and Phil can't keep acting like they haven't.

PJ is being patient, waiting for Phil to find the words. There's some kind of video game music on his end that Phil can't immediately place, and Phil has a weird moment of homesickness for PJ and the Brighton house, even though it hasn't been that long since they were there together.

"It's not fair to anyone," Phil eventually says. "I think it's pretty obvious why it isn't fair to me, but it isn't fair to Dan either."

"Humour me," says PJ. "Why isn't it fair?"

"Dan isn't... a man," Phil says, slow. He pulls a face at his ceiling, knowing how clumsy he sounds right now. "And I don't think I'd like them if they weren't..."

"You wouldn't be attracted to them if they had a typically feminine body, right?" PJ asks, and then immediately continues as if Phil had answered. "That's not unfair, Phil. I seriously doubt Dan would be bothered by it."

"We don't know them that well," says Phil. It feels a bit like a lie, because he feels like he does know Dan fairly well at this point, but he needs PJ to understand where he's coming from with this. "And I don't know if they'd even be comfortable enough to tell me if they were bothered."

There's a long moment where the only sound is Phil's own breathing and the music of PJ's video game - Spyro, Phil realises - but PJ breaks it in a mild sort of tone. "I get that. Like, I really do get it. You might not think I get it, but I get it. Thing is... I've been somewhere like this. Because I met Soph after I was already living as a guy, right, but I thought she was totally straight at the time. She thought so too, actually, but I know she's felt a lot more connected to the community for a while now. And I didn't know... how to tell her. Because what if she totally freaked? That's not exactly a low risk, y'know."

Phil is far from an expert, but he does know that much. He's well aware of some of the numbers out there, knows that it can end in more than just hurt feelings when trans people come out to their partners, but he'd never once considered that PJ dealt with that. He feels a bit stupid for it. Sophie - and Chris, he supposes, even if he doesn't particularly know the intricacies there - isn't PJ's first foray into dating. Yeah, they've been together as long as Phil has known him, but that's not an excuse.

"Sorry," says Phil, hoping it sounds as sincere as he feels. "That, um. That sounds like it sucks."

"Oh, it totally sucks," PJ laughs. "And that's why I can say that you're freaking out for no reason. I mean, your own shit, whatever, you can run yourself in circles for months if you really want to, but the Dan thing? It's unfair not to tell them how you feel, Phil. They've been out for a little while now, they know how this works as well as I do. Sometimes there are compromises."

"I don't want anyone to compromise an identity," says Phil. He can't explain why that makes him so on edge. It would take too long, and he knows that his friends are various degrees of fluid when it comes to their attractions, so there's no guarantee of them understanding at all. It's not that he's being stubborn or close-minded or anything; it's that he's gay. "Peej, I'm a Kinsey fucking six. Telling Dan I have feelings for them is opening a bucket of worms that I don't know if I could close again."

"A can."

"What?" Phil asks, thrown.

"A can of worms, you fucking buffoon."

"Why would worms be in a can?"

"The - you know what, Phil? I can't have a conversation like this with you right now." PJ is doing his best attempt at a serious voice, but Phil can hear him trying not to laugh. "Tell Dan you like them. They like you."

Phil sighs. "I know. That's part of the issue here."

"I don't see an issue," says PJ. "You like them, they like you. Go... like each other."

"It's not that simple."

"It's never really that simple," PJ says, giving in to the laughter. Phil smiles at the unrestrained sound. "You think what I've got going on right now was simple in the beginning?"

"I don't like to put much thought into what you've 'got going on right now'," Phil admits. "But... no. You just make it look easy."

PJ cracks up properly. Phil can't help grinning, too, because PJ's Muppet laugh is always a bonus to saying something ridiculous. PJ waits until he's got his breath back before he says, "Phil. You're kind of a moron."

"I accept that," says Phil. "And before you get your lecturing pants on again, I know that it would be best to talk to Dan about this. I'm just..."

"Scared?"

Phil wants to deny it. He almost does, knee-jerk, but the problem is that PJ knows him too damn well for that. He knows that Phil worries about everything to the point that he's got medication to help with the anxiety spirals, and he also knows that Phil isn't exactly jumping to think or talk about his feelings at any given moment. It's normally a bit like pulling teeth, both for Phil and for the person trying to connect with him.

But PJ knows him. So he says, "Yeah. More scared of that than of the house."

The lighting isn't as good as Phil has in his room, back in Brighton, but he brings all the lamps he can find into his childhood bedroom to make sure he's decently visible on the viewfinder. He doesn't do a lot of talking to the camera without any external stimulus - the only times he's sitting still and addressing the audience directly is when he's doing the wrap-ups at the end of each video. Sometimes he does an intro as well, but it's usually able to be replaced with some good B footage and voiceover. Phil fixes his hair for the millionth time and takes a deep breath before he presses the record button.

He tells his audience what happened, the night that's been lost. He explains everything, every vibe that felt wrong and every terrifying moment in the attic, every file that he can no longer access. Even as he's saying it, he can imagine what the comment section is going to look like.

"I won't blame the lot of you if you don't believe me. I'll put what it looked like when we tried to access the files on the screen now. The corruption was on our devices, though, and we couldn't retrieve anything."

Another deep breath. They're still not going to believe him.

"And that's okay," he adds. "I'm not here for you guys to take my words as, like, facts or whatever, and it's not my job to convince anybody. I'm just here to tell a good story. I wish it had a more conclusive ending, but I'm sure you're already bickering in the comments about what we all experienced, or if you think we experienced anything at all. So tell me what you guys think, and let me know - do you think I should keep imposing on my parents to investigate this some more or is the Wilkins place a story to leave alone?"

He'd normally start to do his like-and-subscribe routine after that, but he pauses.

"And I wanted to say a really big thank you to everyone who helped me with this project, but especially to Winnie. They really went above and beyond in sending me this one, and I'm not going to forget that."

Phil gives the camera an awkward sort of smile. He might not leave that bit in, but he needed to say it.

#quiet on widow's peak #words words words

47 notes · View notes

lizzzybooo · 5 years ago

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Your Mess Is Mine

Summary: “I know what you’re thinking,” he said with a serious tone, catching Dan off guard.

“Do you?” honestly, it wasn’t that hard to guess.

“Yes. You’re thinking that this hat totally clashes with everything else I’m wearing, and you’re not wrong.” He was looking at Dan with round, shiny eyes. Dan blinked at him a few times, dumbstruck.

——————————— A university!au where Dan is a third year student dealing with demons from his past, and Phil is the peculiar guy from his Greek mythology class who he just can’t quite get out of his mind.

warnings: mention of suicide (not discussed in detail), Minor Character Death

read on ao3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12640926/chapters/56116090

also check out the amazing art @ninapons made for this fic!! hereand here and here

chapter 15

words for this chapter : 5k

total word count: 58409

notes: so... yeah haha i’m back! sorry for the (unreasonably long) wait guys, i hope some of you are still interested in this story ^.^ a huge thank you to @honeywreath for the moral support <3 she’s as aweet as they get <333 also as i’m really nervous posting this, i would really appreciate your feedback, so please tell me what you think! and... hope you like it lol

read last chapter here

start at the beginning

For the first time in his life, Dan was grateful for exam season.

The days went by in a blur, meshing together while he was trying to focus all his energy on studying and passing his exams, instead of his unanswered calls and messages.

Ezra was finally back from the holidays, dividing his time between their dorm room and the library (as it turned out, Ezra’s uncle refused to take him back to work at the shop, even with his mother’s insistence, so Ezra was still out of a job and apparently pretty stressed about the whole thing).

Dan found that he actually preferred the times they were both in their room together to the times when Ezra would disappear to the library to study. Ezra wasn’t big on conversations, and honestly they didn’t have a lot in common either way, but even so, having a constant presence of someone familiar next to him brought Dan a surprising amount of relief. Ezra was constantly making some kind of noise, clicking his tongue or sighing loudly when he couldn’t get something right, filling the room with sounds and liveliness. And even though it used to drive Dan crazy, he started taking comfort in those sounds, in the knowledge that someone else was present in the room with him, welcoming the distraction. (Dan briefly wondered if it was a result of Phil’s never ending chatter that made him suddenly uncomfortable with silence, but he pushed the thought away quickly, not liking the way it made his heart clench painfully).

After a few days of feeling uneasy every time he was left alone in their room, Dan even started following Ezra to the library whenever he went (a fact that made Ezra unbelievably flustered and surprised the first few times, before getting used to the new arrangement). As it turned out, Ezra (like Dan) didn’t have a thriving social life, and more often than not spent his time studying by himself, so Dan didn’t really feel bad for intruding.

They studied next to each other in silence, each of them focused on their own laptop and books, and sometimes, when they both needed a break and a change in scenery, even went out to eat lunch together or drink coffee (though Ezra always stuck to tea, mumbling how coffee wasn’t good for his still growing body).

They usually sat opposite each other in the campus cafeteria, sharing the occasional word, but mostly Ezra kept his nose stuck in one of his textbooks, mumbling to himself, while Dan just stared at him absentmindedly, drinking his coffee or eating his sandwich.

It was on one of those coffee breaks that Dan noticed, to his surprise, that Ezra was actually quite handsome. It was an odd thought that popped into his mind suddenly, and it made Dan feel a little embarrassed, a little ashamed, that he never considered Ezra anything close to handsome before. If he was being honest with himself, Ezra’s odd personality and awkward behavior never let Dan look at him as anything other than his strange roommate.

But, he had to admit, Ezra was actually pretty good looking. Not in a flashy way, no- Dan didn’t think he would have noticed him or payed any extra attention to him if they have met somewhere outside their small dorm room (even if he didn’t know about his weird Beethoven obsession.) But even so, he had a nice, quiet kind of appeal to him.

He was two years younger than Dan, 19, and his face was still pretty boyish and soft (not unlike his own). He wasn’t as tall as Dan, but he definitely wasn’t short, and Dan had to admit his hazel eyes had a nice, cat like shape to them that he quite liked.

“You should get a different haircut,” Dan told him out of the blue, making him lift up his eyes and look at him in surprise.

“Excuse me?”

“Your hair, I think you should try having it a little longer, it would suit your face.”

Ezra was staring at him with wide eyes, pink coloring his freckled cheeks. Definitely cute, Dan thought.

“I always had it like this,” he said, his hand subconsciously moving up to the top of his head, petting his short trimmed hair.

Dan smiled, amused. “Of course you had,” he said, laughing when Ezra turned his face from him in annoyance, always quick to get offended by Dan’s teasing. “You have a pretty face though, I think longer hair would look good on you, but there’s nothing wrong with the way it is now,” he tried to say reassuringly, stopping himself from laughing more when Ezra’s face became unbelievably red and his eyes blew even wider.

“I don’t have a- a pretty face!” he protested, as if Dan threw an insult his way instead of paying him a compliment.

“Just my opinion mate,” Dan said, raising his hands in surrender, watching in amusement the way Ezra was avoiding his eyes pointedly.

He was quiet for a minute, looking stubbornly at his textbook before finally peeking at Dan. “You actually think I have a pretty face?” he asked, sounding suspicious and a little accusing, and all Dan could do to ignore that little painful pinch of Deja vu was nod. (Phil’s sweet, timid voice, asking him “do you think I’m cute?” while sitting on top of him, face pink but eyes a little mischievous, was the last thing he wanted to think about at that moment.)

“I do,” he confirmed, taking another sip from his coffee mug.

Ezra looked conflicted for a moment, looking between his book and Dan. “But… don’t you have a boyfriend?” he asked.

Dan almost choked on his coffee, coughing awkwardly. “I do,” he said, ignoring the way his heart dropped to his stomach at the mere thought of Phil being called his boyfriend. they were still together, Dan told himself, even if Phil was ignoring him, he was (almost) sure of that. “I wasn’t… hitting on you,” he said carefully, feeling his own cheeks heat up.

“Oh, of course!” Ezra said, looking so embarrassed Dan genuinely felt bad, trying to think of something to say to make the mortified expression on Ezra’s face disappear. He wasn’t sure how many people had ever expressed any interest in Ezra, and he was generally a pretty awkward guy, so really, he couldn’t blame him for jumping to this kind of conclusion, as unlikely as it may seem to Dan.

Also, Dan thought, maybe his comment wasn’t as casual as he thought. Maybe he actually said something weird. Maybe, he thought, a little horrified, after spending all his time with Phil and Martyn, he started to forget what was actually socially acceptable to say to a person you’re not all that close with.

Before he had the chance to say anything though, Ezra continued, his cheeks still red and his voice a little nervous. “It’s just that… you’ve been spending all your time with me since I came back. I don’t even have to tell you to stop talking on your phone at night anymore, so I thought maybe you guys, you know, broke up.”

Dan had the immediate desire to loudly protest. To defend his relationship, to get angry at Ezra for assuming. But he caught himself in time, taking a big breath. Truthfully, he himself wasn’t sure what was going on between him and Phil.

Dan felt like since Christmas, they’ve made a huge progress in their relationship. They talked openly about their lives and past, they expressed desire to have each other in their futures and Dan was serious in his conversation with Phil’s dad, he wanted to be there for Phil, always, to support him and make him happy. He wanted to trust him and trust their bond, but still, it was hard to do when he couldn’t stop the feeling of rejection from seeping into his body.

It hurt, to put it simply. It hurt and it frustrated Dan to no end and it made him a little angry. He gave Phil every reason to trust him, he gave him all that he could, more than he ever gave anyone before, and even though he wanted to be understanding, wanted to give Phil his space, he also wanted to get some kind of a sign. A sign that even in all this, Phil was still thinking of him too, that Phil could trust him with his grief, that they could share each other’s misfortunes instead of hiding away. That Dan wasn’t wrong in assuming they both felt the same way about each other.

More than anything though, Dan knew, even if he was more than a little irritated, that what he really wanted was to hold Phil and comfort him and be there for him. It made his heart ache to know that when Phil was at his lowest, it wasn’t Dan’s company that he sought out. It made him frustrated, upset, that when he finally decided to give himself to someone again, to give Phil all he could, Phil was pulling away with no warning. It made his heart ache, because he knew all too well what the possible result of not being trusted enough with another person’s pain could lead to, and even though he knew he was projecting, he couldn’t make his mind stop spinning with these thoughts.

Was he really that untrustworthy? Was he really someone the people closest to him couldn’t rely on?

“He’s going through some family stuff right now, but we’re still together,” Dan said, a little sharply. He definitely didn’t want to open the subject up for discussion.

“Oh,” Ezra said, looking back at his book “okay then.” He tried to regain his composure, but his cheeks were still pink and Dan knew he was extremely uncomfortable with the whole situation. Even so, he didn’t say anything else, letting Dan finish his coffee before returning with him to the library.

That night, when Dan couldn’t fall asleep, he put on a compilation of Beethoven’s finest for the second time since starting to live with Ezra, playing it loudly on his laptop speakers, ignoring the sparkle of hazel eyes staring at him from the other side of the dark room.

He lied back down on his bed, turned around to face the wall. “Don’t get used to it,” he said, his tone coming out more annoyed than he intended, and he cursed himself quietly.

To his surprise, he heard an unfamiliar chuckle coming out from the other’s bed, a soft airy sound that Dan was pretty sure he’d never heard Ezra make before. “I won’t,” he said, before Dan let himself close his eyes and let his mind be filled with the music, trying to push the intrusive thoughts away.

**********************************

Phil didn’t turn up to their Greek Mythology exam. Dan scanned the exam hall 3 times, his eyes shooting up to the entrance door every time a new student walked in, but he couldn’t spot the familiar blue eyes and black hair anywhere.

He had to finally give up, a sour taste in his mouth, when the doors where closed and the exam started, leaving his mind desperately trying to focus on the questions before him while his chest was clenching uncomfortably.

He got up from his seat half an hour before the time was up, knowing full well his answers were just good enough to pass the exam and nothing more. He ignored the misplaced envious glances from the other students and quickly got out the door, leaning against the nearest wall, trying to calm his heart down.

Phil wasn’t Oliver. He told himself. He wasn’t he wasn’t he wasn’t.

Dan had to trust him to be okay, he had to. Not because he was sure of it, no, but because at that point, there was nothing else he could do.

****************************************

Two week into January Dan got a phone call from Ezra. It was one of the rare times Dan wanted to be by himself, deciding to go walk around town one evening to buy some stuff he told himself he desperately needed for no other reason other than to distract himself.

He was desperately clinging to his exams, going to the library with Ezra and searching the campus hopefully whenever he was there. Neither Phil nor Martyn were answering his calls and texts, and when he tried going to their apartment one time, it seemed that nobody was even there. He wanted to respect their wishes to be left alone with their mourning, and he didn’t want to intrude, but he just needed, so badly, to know they were okay.

His chest was in a constant state of a dull ache, his mind hazy from useless exam information and worry, but he had to admit, walking around from shop to shop in the chilly January air was making him feel surprisingly better.

He was sitting in a coffee shop, looking outside the window and observing the people walking by while eating his lunch when his phone vibrated in his pocket.

Without his permission, his heart leaped in his chest in expectation. No one aside from Phil, and occasionally his mother, ever called him (and since he had an awkward, six minute talk with his mother the day before that consisted of him avoiding all her questions and telling her he was too busy studying, he was pretty sure it couldn’t be her).

But when he took out his phone and saw Ezra’s caller ID, he couldn’t mask his disappointment, even though he wasn’t really expecting Phil to call him at this point.

“Hello? Dan?” Ezra said the minute Dan picked up the call, sounding hesitant and urgent at the same time, making Dan’s heart speed up again in expectation.

“What’s up?” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but something in Ezra’s voice was making him feel on edge, making him start to pick up his things absentmindedly, not bothering finishing his half full cup of coffee. Somehow, he had a feeling what this was about.

“Hmm, I’m outside our room right now, and your, uh, Phil, came here a few minutes ago. I told him that you’re out but he insisted on waiting for you, so he’s inside now, I hope that’s okay.”

Dan was already outside the coffee shop when Ezra finished his sentence, feeling his heart beating loudly in his chest, making his way quickly to the bus stop. “Yeah, that’s okay. Thank you, I’m on my way back now,” he said, not able to mask his urgency. “Can you just… can you make sure he doesn’t leave before I get there?” he added.

Ezra let out a distress noise. “He, uh, doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere,” he said, sounding so uncomfortable from the whole situation that Dan even started to feel bad for him.

“What do you mean?”

“He just… he looks like he’s planning to stay here, until you come, at least.”

Ezra’s vague answer did nothing but put Dan even more on edge. “Just… stay there, please, until I get back. I’ll be there soon,” Dan said, before hanging up the phone, not letting Ezra have a chance to respond.

Dan wasn’t sure what to think. A mixture of relief, confusion and anger was swirling in his stomach, making him feel a little car sick on the bus ride back. Logically, Dan knew he shouldn’t be that upset. It was only two weeks. Two weeks after a big, heartbreaking loss, and if Phil wanted to take a step back and be by himself a little, to proses, how could Dan hold it against him?

But still. The radio silence from both Phil and Martyn, Phil not showing up for his exam, practically disappearing completely… could anyone really blame him for finding it alarming? Dan knew, better than most people, that he had no way of knowing what people actually think. What they would actually do. He felt powerless and terrified, so even though he understood, he couldn’t blame himself for the way his palms were sweating with nerves, his heart racing in his chest, his stomach filling with angry, fluttering butterflies he couldn’t force to calm down.

He couldn’t blame himself for feeling the strange combination of longing and bitterness settle in his guts. He wanted an explanation, maybe almost as much as he wanted to hold Phil in his arm again.

******************************

When Dan got to his dorm room he didn’t quite know what to expect, but still, the scene in front of him managed to catch him by surprise.

Ezra was standing awkwardly at his side of the room, watching Dan’s bed with carful, uncertain eyes. On Dan’s bed there was a big, human size lump under the covers, showing no signs of movement nor letting out any kind of sound.

Dan felt his heart clench at the unmistakable sight of Phil, curled up hiding under the blankets. He felt weirdly uncomfortable, awkward, not knowing how to approach this silent version of Phil after two weeks of chasing any kind of communication.

“Phil?” he tried saying, legs stuck to their place by the door, heart speeding up at the lack of answer. The slight movement under the covers was the only indication Phil was actually there, acknowledging Dan’s presence.

Dan felt something tight in his stomach loosening, just a bit. It’s fine, he’s here, he’s fine, he told himself, finally finding the will to move his legs and approach the bed.

He sat down at the edge, carefully and slowly, as if we was approaching a scared animal and not his boyfriend he hadn’t seen in two weeks, gently laying his hand on where he assumed Phil’s shoulder was.

“Phil,” he tried again, voice soft and a little pleading, sliding his hand up the blanket, moving it a bit to reveal the top of Phil’s head.

Phil was still silent, but he moved to curl around himself even more, trying to hide his head under the covers again.

“Phil,” Dan leaned down, his upper body covering Phil, mouth near his hidden ear.

There was silence again for a moment, but just when Dan was about to actually start panicking, Phil finally spoke.

“Do you hate me?”

His voice was small, sad, muffled by the pillow and blanket, but even so, just hearing it sent something sharp and quick through Dan’s chest. Something like longing, and want, and relief.

“No,” he answered, pressing himself even closer to Phil, who was still clinging to the blanket like it was the only thing that could protect him from Dan’s wrath. Dan wanted to laugh, almost as much as he wanted to cry. As if he could ever want to do anything other than hold Phil close and cherish him. As if Dan could ever actually hate him.

“Are you mad?” Phil asked, voice a little stronger, wiggling a little under Dan’s weight.

“A little,” Dan answered honestly. He was, and he didn’t want to hide that from Phil. He was mad and hurt and confused, and he wanted Phil to know that. He needed Phil to understand that even though he could never hate him, he was still upset about being left behind, being left to worry and speculate.

“I mostly worried about you,” he added, when Phil stayed silent, and then when he was sure Phil won’t flinch away anymore, he reached his hand to the visible top of Phil’s head, tugging on his hair.

There was a sudden movement under the blankets and before Dan could register what was happening, Phil was turning around under him, throwing himself on Dan’s lap, arms squeezing Dan’s waist tightly.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry,” he said against Dan’s stomach, voice muffled and watery. Dan let out a shaky breath, letting his hands settle on Phil’s shoulders, rubbing them soothingly.

“Um,” Dan almost jumped at the sudden sound coming from the other side of the room, turning his head to look at Ezra (who he completely forgot about), still standing in the corner of the room, looking extremely uncomfortable. Dan’s hold on Phil’s shoulders tightened instinctively, afraid that the reminder of the presence of someone else in the room would make him retreat again. But Phil didn’t respond to the sound at all, staying still, curled around Dan’s middle.

“I, eh, can go out for a bit,” Ezra said, rubbing his neck awkwardly. Dan was suddenly filled with gratitude towards his odd, kind roommate, who tolerated his moping and company and moods, and stayed in the room until Dan got there as he asked, even though it clearly made him uncomfortable.

“Thank you,” Dan said, softly, smiling at Ezra and making him flush bright red in response. Ezra nodded once, before moving from his spot by the wall to put on his shoes and quietly exit the room.

Dan let his attention go back to Phil, who was silently clinging to him and giving no signs of letting go any time soon. “I’m sorry,” Phil said again, a little more clearly, lifting his face a little to look at him, chin digging uncomfortably into Dan’s stomach.

His face was pale, even paler than usual, and his eyes were pink and wet behind his glasses even though he didn’t cry. He looked… tired, devastated, uncertain. And Dan was once again overwhelmed by the need to take all the pain away for him, to somehow make it all better.

“I know,” he said quietly, hand moving from Phil’s shoulder to his head, pushing his messy hair back. He wanted to say “it’s okay,” or, “you don’t have to be,” but he couldn’t. He couldn’t lie. It wasn’t okay, and Phil should be sorry, at least a little, for leaving Dan like he did. For making him sick with worry and speculation, for making him relive his biggest fears and insecurities.

“I was really scared,” he said instead, surprised to find his voice thick and tight with emotion. “I didn’t know where you were,” his throat felt like it was closing up around the words, making everything inside him burn painfully. “I wanted to respect your grief and I wanted to give you your time but I was so scared that… that-“ he couldn’t finish the sentence, couldn’t say it out loud. Two weeks of anxiety and loneliness and fear where catching up to him all at once, and it was too much for him to take after refusing to let himself think about it, trying to stop his mind from wandering into forbidden territories.

Phil moved urgently then, sitting up in front of Dan on his knees, eyes big and blue and regretful. He reached out with both his hands, cupping Dan’s cheeks, thumbs brushing the wetness Dan didn’t even realize was leaking out of his eyes. The cold, soft hands felt so familiar against his warm skin and Dan found himself leaning into the touch.

“Dan,” he said, and his voice was so pained it made Dan’s inside feel even tighter. “I would never do that to you.” Dan gave a small sound of protest, before he could stop himself, and Phil shook his head, leaning closer and pressing their foreheads together. “I know you hate when I say things like that, I’m sorry. But I wouldn’t I wouldn’t.” Phil was crying too now, fat tears running down his tired face, “I wouldn’t.”

“Okay,” Dan said, because he didn’t know what else to say, and wasn’t sure he could even produce a longer answer with the burning pain in his throat.

Phil let his hands slide down to Dan’s neck, pressing his face closer to him, nuzzling his cheek. Dan felt his own arms wrap around Phil’s waist instinctively, without his permission, holding him close.

“I needed… I don’t know exactly what I needed, I’m sorry.” Phil said against his cheek, quietly, softly, ”but I love you too much Dan, I love you, I would always want to come back to you.” Dan’s heart was beating loudly in his chest, Phil’s words screaming in his head. I love you I love you. It was so typical of Phil, to just say it like that, straightforward and honest.

“that is… if you still want me, of course,” Phil said, letting his hands fall down from Dan’s neck and scooting back a little to look him in the eyes, looking like he was genuinely scared to hear Dan’s answer. As if there was any way Dan wouldn’t want him anymore.

“I do, I do, of course I do,” Dan found himself say urgently, desperately, leaning closer and kissing Phil’s forehead and cheeks and eyelids. “You idiot, as if I would not.” Phil giggled at that, small and wet and a little sad, but Dan could feel his entire body fill with warmth at the sound.

“I just… please, just let me be there, for you, with you. That’s all I want, for you to let me be there, don’t leave me in the dark like that,” he said, clutching Phil’s sides tightly. “I know, I know I’m not good for a lot, but I’ll do anything for you, if you let me. Please trust me a little more, to be there.” He could feel the vague feeling of embarrassment, making his stomach flutter uncomfortably. It was still new to him, saying things so honestly, so openly, but Dan figured they needed a little honesty right now. Needed to put their cards on the table and hearts on their sleeves and tell each other what they wanted.

Phil shook his head in protest, “you’re good, you’re good,” he said, hands moving back to Dan’s face “you’re so, so good.” Phil leaned in, but stopped himself before his lips touched Dan’s. “Can I? Or, I mean-“

Dan didn’t let him finish, closing the space between them. Phil’s lips where unusually dry and chapped, and they both tasted salty from their tears, but it still made everything inside Dan’s body melt with relief. They kept it sweet, not pushing for more, and when Phil pulled away and pressed his forehead against Dan’s lips, demanding as always, Dan kissed the skin almost giddily, pulling Phil impossibly closer against his body.

“I’m so tired,” Phil said, leaning all his weight on Dan’s body, like all his energy drained out of him at that moment, all at once.

“You want me to take you home?” Dan asked, rubbing soothing circles on Phil’s back. There was still a lot to say, a lot to ask and a lot to understand. But it could wait. Right now, he just needed to worry about Phil. he just needed to take care of him, as much as he’ll let him.

Phil shook his head, pressing closer to Dan. “No, please, just… let me stay here, just tonight. Tomorrow we’ll do whatever you want, we’ll talk about whatever you want, but I can’t go back there right now.”

“Yeah... that’s… okay,” he couldn’t help but think about poor Ezra coming back to the room later to find him and Phil sleeping there in the same bed, the poor guy would probably combust on the spot. But he couldn’t say no to Phil. Not when he was like this, not when he knew how hard it was to be surrounded by all the things that remind you of your loss.

They moved to make themselves comfortable under the covers, not bothering to change clothes or turn off the light. It was probably not later than nine, but Dan could already see Phil’s eyelids dropping as he took off his glasses and put them on the nightstand. Dan felt too full of nervous energy to sleep, but he wanted nothing more than to lay there together, with Phil in his arms, for as long as he wanted him to.

Phil laid his head on Dan’s chest, cuddling close, letting himself be wrapped in Dan’s embrace.

“Hold me tighter,” he mumbled, and Dan couldn’t help but laugh, tightening his hold.

“Better?” he asked, but only got a soft hum in response, and then nothing. Dan lay there quietly, listening to Phil’s breath as he fell asleep. He still felt a little uneasy, a little on edge, but he supposed, for now, this was good enough.

Ezra came back to the room about 40 minutes later, when Dan was just starting to doze off. He opened the door quietly, carefully, his eyes scanning the room and landing on Dan’s bed. He averted his gaze immediately, face flushing bright red, still standing at by the door.

“Sorry,” Dan said, trying not to wake Phil up, feeling genuinely bad for making Ezra uncomfortable. “It’s just for tonight, he had nowhere else to go.” It wasn’t really the truth, but it was easier to put it like that, in hopes that Ezra would understand.

“It’s fine,” Ezra said, moving into the room and not looking at Dan’s direction. Dan wasn’t sure it was really fine, but he had no choice but to take it, hoping he could make it up to him at some point.

“Thank you, really,” Dan said quietly, trying to convey how actually grateful he was. Ezra’s face became an even brighter shade of red, if possible. He moved to lay down on his own bed, over the covers, back facing Dan.

They were silent for a few moments before Ezra spoke again. “Are you guys okay now?” he asked voice a little muffled against his pillow, catching Dan by surprise.

Dan looked down at Phil’s sleeping face, lips parted and a little bit of drool smeared against the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah,” he said, feeling all his different emotions swirling in his head, making him dizzy. “We will be.”

#phan #phanfiction #university!au #chaptered #chapter 15 #strangers to lovers #phantasticlizzyfics

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jestbee · 5 years ago

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Jestbee’s 2019 Fic Masterlist

Here is a list of all the fics I wrote and posted in 2019 (apologies for the long post)

PHAN

Chaptered

In Any World (44,925 words) E Returning home after his second world tour, Dan feels lost, bored, and without direction. But things are about to get much more exciting when, while reading fanfiction in the bath, Dan slips, hits his head, and passes out. When he wakes up, it's to a world that definitely isn't the one he came from, especially because his best friend is in bed with him. And if he thinks that is strange, things are about to get a whole lot weirder.

One-shots

sensitive (2,795 words) [written with @intoapuddle] E "Do you like it?" Phil asks again. He doesn't know why he wants to hear Dan say it, but he does. "I like it," Dan nods, tipping his back to bare his neck to Phil's teeth.

watch and be watched (3,187 words) E There is something inherently intimate about watching, about being watched.

picture imperfect (6,637 words) [written with @intoapuddle] E He knows Dan hates to be patient. What he wants is for Phil to get on with it, to overwhelm him with sensation so much that he can no longer think about all the expectations he's failing to fulfill. But Phil knows better.

thought of you often (6,805 words) E On Daniel's twenty first birthday, a man walks into his banquet hall that he hasn't seen in years.

dipping in (2,690 words) E "So many dips," Phil says. "You'll never use them all." "Wanna bet?"

hurry up and wait (8,246 words) M This is a bad date. Dan usually would have bailed out ages ago. Phil is just some bloke he picked up in a bar, so it isn't like he's invested. The problem, and it's one Dan has been wrestling with all night, is that Phil is incredibly hot.

Dropping Anchor in a Storm (4,384 words) T Phil wakes in the early hours to a thin beam of sunlight breaking through his curtains, and the soft sound of Dan breathing by his side. He should be able to bask in the peace and stillness of the room, but his brain won't let him do that today.

a shrewd bow (2,788 words) E "You're a fucking brat," is the first thing he says.Dan nods. His knees ache, thighs already cramping from how spread they are. "I know."

stripping us to chrome (1,596 words) T Sometimes when I look in your eyes I could swear I see your soul or Dan has always looked at Phil with such fondness

render safe, contain (4,462 words) M Dan and Phil are Bomb Disposal Technicians and have to work together to diffuse a rickety rig with a timer counting all the way down to zero. Dan's been in love with Phil for forever, so he's trying to do everything properly, but Phil wants to dive in head first. Whichever way they do it - There's bound to be explosive results.

Traffic of our stage (1,850 words) T Phil learns that Shakepeare makes dick jokes, and Dan learns his lines

in a changing age (7,868 words) M Phil is breathless and happy by the time they are back in the hallway of Baker Street, and as they lean against the wall, their heads beside each other, Phil thinks that he might have kissed him then.

after the rain (3,113 words) M they meet at pride

invincible (1,426 words) G the first day after is like a breath of fresh air

how do I look? (1,351 words) T Of course the truly spectacular looking shop assistant just saw him in his pants, because that's just the type of luck Phil has.

Climb Down (6,826 words) T Dan is three stories up while Phil is below, shouting to each other across the distance. He feels likes he is trapped up here in his tower, waiting for someone to rescue him, perhaps.

they just don't get it (1,130 words) T Dan sometimes jokes about things that aren't a joke

Above the city lights (1,275 words) M Dan is dragged away from the office party

up for the new buzz (2,365 words) T Dan remembers getting his ears pierced and how he'd felt so adult at the time, like he'd done something revolutionary and rebellious. But it hadn't been in a place like this, it had been tame in comparison to the type of world he's just walked into with no idea if he's out of his depth.

And miles to go (2,561 words) T Phil contemplates the keeping of promises on their second world tour

WIPS

As the Smoke Clears (32,669 words) M Dan hates being a wizard, but magic demands to be used.

Some Other Light (28,193 words) M Dan works the night shift because it's easier to exist in the dark

Parallel Lines (34,553 words) M Dan and Phil run parallel, always together but always with distance between them. Until everything changes.

After All These Years (41,373 words) M They met her after tour. Martyn’s friend’s dog had puppies and Phil fell in love at first sight. Dan did too, but he’ll deny it if you ask. Dan tries to keep his distance, because she’s Phil’s dog not his, but she isn’t having any of it.

OTHER (stated)

Tend to me (1,895 words) M [Fall Whisperer - Dye/White] Dye tends to things, and they bloom

Mail Goblins and Borrowed Plates (4,280 words) M [Kickthestickz] Chris has a new flat with no furniture and a box of old things he's trying to avoid. Luckily, there's an interesting guy who lives just two doors down who might help him do that.

And some stats under the cut

FIC STATS

Total number of fics written: 27

Chaptered: 5 One-shots: 22

Ratings E: 7 (26%) M: 11 (41%) T: 8 (29%) G: 1 (4%)

Ongoing WIPs: 4

Number of fandoms/pairings: 3

Most popular (based on kudos): In Any World Most popular one-shot: hurry up and wait Most popular chaptered: In Any World

Total wordcount for the year: 219,930 (according to ao3 - my personal records fell apart round August this year for some reason)

Reflections: I wrote way more than I thought I did and yet I feel less relevant fic-wise than I have in previous years. Although my fics still do well overall, and I have some dedicated readers, I didn’t gain as many as previous years and I noticed that my fics did less well than previously. Probably due to a combination of me not conforming to the posting schedule everyone wants me to have, the hiatus, the fact that I expressed opinions about the hiatus. (idk if we’re still calling it a hiatus at this point but whatever) However, I really value the close friends I’ve made, the other writers that cheer me on and talk to me about fic which is my favourite thing, and the people that read everything I write. Without you guys I probably would have drifted away some time ago. Thank you for letting me do some different stuff this year, try some different pairings and different genres. I’ll probably continue to do that if I write stuff once my wips are finished, but I also want to try and finish my original fiction novel, if only to say that I did it.

Fic goals for 2020: Finish my wips, write more original fiction.

#phanfic #phanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #fic #fic masterlist #my fics

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paradisobound · 6 years ago

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I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 27

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 3.1k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing and sexual mentions

Rating: Explicit

Updates will be every Sunday around 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

Phil misses work the next few days and he doesn’t bother to tell anyone else why. Martyn tries to come and visit him but when Martyn rings his doorbell, Phil pretends he isn’t home and just lays on the couch. Spike whimpers a bit and tries to scratch at the door but because Martyn doesn’t have his key anymore to the flat, he can’t come in.

Martyn texts him later that day and asks him where he went and Phil just said he needed to go for a breather. It was all he’s said to anyone since his last Skype call with Dan.

He was hurt, deeply so. His heart felt shattered and his brain like mush. He wasn’t even sure if he could move past any of this. In the four short months that he’s grown to know who Dan was, nothing has felt like this.

He’s been through break ups. He’s been through bad relationships. But no break up has hurt as bad as Dan telling him that he thinks they should take a break. What happened to Dan promising him that they wouldn’t give up on each other and he made the promise back? Did the promise fall on deaf ears? Did Dan not really mean anything that he said?

Phil doesn’t want to believe that’s the case.

Per Dan’s request, he hasn’t tried to get ahold of him. He also took the initiative to delete his social media apps off from his phone so that why he wouldn’t be tempted to check Dan’s Twitter or Instagram and see how he’s doing. The news has been quiet lately, not mentioning Dan’s name. And Phil guesses that he’s grateful for that. But in a selfish way, he wishes that some entertainment news site would talk about Dan so he could know what Dan was doing.

It’s four days later when Phil decides that he needs to actually do something. He needs to get off his arse and actually start living again. He’s sat in his flat, wallowing in his own misery and barely showering. Even Spike has begun to find it a bit weird that Phil hasn’t taken him for a proper walk to the park. He can tell by Spike’s anxious prancing around the flat.

He showers That’s morning, dresses in a pair of his black jeans and his black shirt with the word vibes on it to add a bit of color to his dark mind. He puts in contacts instead of wearing his glasses and he styles his hair. Already, just by doing that, he feels a bit better.

But instead of going out, he sets up behind a camera and puts some lights on him and he just sits down and takes a breath. He needs to do this. Even if he never posts the video, he needs to just let everything go.

And he’s going to.

“Hey everyone.” He begins, voice wavering a bit. “Today, I’m making a video not as amazingphil but as Phil Lester. There is a lot I need to get off from my chest because of recent events and this is me doing so. In January of this year, I met Daniel Howell on the set of the new film he was working on. As some of you know, I work for the BBC as a graphic designer and I often am working in the offices doing advertising and posters and websites. But enough of that. I met Dan when I was told I was going to be an extra on the set of the film. I thought it was stupid. I was and at the BBC for bringing me in on what would be my day off to film as some extra in some big pretentious movie stars film. But that actually wasn’t it at all. I met Dan on the set and my life completely changed.”

Phil took a breath and then let it out slowly as he tried to find his composure again.

“Dan and I exchanged numbers and he asked me to do a favor for him by showing him around London. I thought really nothing of it. He was asking as if he was a friend and I’m not someone to turn down a friends request. So I went around with him in London then the paparazzi flooded us at the eye and that was when everyone saw us for the first time. At that time in our lives, we were just budding friends. We were nothing more.”

Phil looked up his ceiling in an attempt to ground himself. He couldn’t believe he was telling all of this right now to a camera but it also felt so good to just spew all of this out when he’s had to hide it for so long.

“Dan and I kept in contact and when he came to London a short time later, he stayed at my flat with me and I think that was when I realized he was someone I wanted to spend more time with and get to know better. So we agreed for me to come to Los Angeles to spend a week with him and I did. And it was then during that time that we solidified our relationship.”

Phil felt his eyes prick a bit with tears as he took in a deep shuddering breath, promising to edit it out later if he ever does actually edit this video to be posted later. All he can think of is him in Dan in LA, kissing in Dan’s bed and then fucking just a short time later. Phil’s spins tingles as he thinks about what it was like to have sex with Dan for the first time and how amazing it had felt for him. How much love he had felt being poured from Dan.

“We told each other that we were together and we wanted to be together but then the paparazzi got in our way and we couldn’t do it anymore. Our relationship was going so well but then the fucking paparazzi came out and they followed us. They followed me around London where I once lived without worry. They followed Dan around Los Angeles when he isn’t comfortable with it. And they ruined us. The ruined us because they caught an intimate moment between us at my flat and completely breached our privacy. And I know people are probably going to be like “but Phil, you’re airing everything out into the open now” and my answer to that is that I’m doing it on my own terms. Dan and I wanted to come out on our own terms and it got ripped away from us by some selfish pricks we wanted it make quick money.”

Tears are rolling freely down Phil’s cheeks now. He reaches up and wipes them away as best he can but it looks like he just smeared them over his cheeks and not really wiped them away.

“Dan and I are taking a break now because of what the paparazzi did. Because we need to figure out how to move on with our relationship aired out because we were ready. And no one will understand the pain that I’m feeling right now to love someone so damn much and have him be ripped away from me because of people who have no care for other people’s privacy.”

A sob rips from his throat and he lurches forward as he buries his head into his hands and lets out all of the emotions that he has been feeling and bottling up these last few days. He’s angry. And he’s sad. And frankly, he kind of wants to be out for blood right now, yelling at people. But he’s trying to keep composure and it’s getting more and more difficult.

When his tears dry up a bit and he lets himself settle, he takes a few deep breaths and then speaks again.

“I don’t know if Dan will ever see this video. For all I know, this video could separate us further than we already are. But if he is, I wanted to speak to him directly and just say some things. Dan, I love you. I know I didn’t say it to you when you told me you loved me in Los Angels but I’m saying it now. I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you. I know you probably didn’t want a video like this just airing everything out but please, please understand me. I want to be able to be with you, completely and unabashedly. I want to wake up next to you again and kiss you and, sorry for being vulgar, but I want to keep making love with you. I want to be with you....I love you.”

Phil stands up and pushes the button on the camera to stop it from recording as he lets out the rest of his sobs and wipes off his eyes with the backs of his hands. This was a stupid, stupid idea. But yet, he still found himself opening up his camera’s base and pulling out the SD card and bringing it to his laptop.

He exports the video onto his laptop and he doesn’t even edit it. He doesn’t do anything with. He goes right to YouTube and he uploads it and titles to “The Truth”. It’s 35 minutes long with everything form his crying to his raw emotions and he doesn’t care.

He presses public on the video and then takes a deep breath and shuts his laptop and picks up his phone. He calls PJ.

****

“Was everything you said in the video the truth?” PJ asks Phil as they sit on his couch and each have a glass of some strong liquor that PJ had brought. Phil thinks it’s whiskey which he doesn’t like but it does numb his mind a bit.

“Of course.” Phil says. “I wouldn’t lie.”

“So you and Dan are broken up?”

“Yes and no.” Phil says. “When Dan Skyped me the other night, he told me it wasn’t a break up and we were on a break but then he told me not to contact him and he wasn’t gong to contact me.”

“That’s rough.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Is that why you haven’t been to work?” PJ asks and Phil nods. “Louise told us you went on a personal leave.”

“I couldn’t go to work.” Phil says. “I couldn’t even get up the energy to shower or go and get food.”

“Louise was saying that she knew it was about what happened with Dan but she isn’t happy with having you miss work over it.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Phil says. “I’m quitting anyway.”

PJ’s eyes widen and he looks at Phil with a confused look. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m quitting the BBC.”

“Why?”

“Well,” Phil begins, resting back onto the couch. “I’ve been wanting to quit for a while and honestly, I kind of want to just like…stop working there and focus on something new. I could use something new in my life.”

“But what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to focus more on my YouTube channel and if life goes that way, I’ll be traveling with Dan and supporting him.”

“But you haven’t talk to him since you uploaded the video right?” PJ asks. “How do you think he’s going to react to it?”

Phil shrugs and takes a sip of his drink. It burns a bit when it goes down and he winces. But within a few minutes, his mind will feel clouded again and he’ll be able to feel something more than just hollow.

“You should probably try and speak to him.”

“I don’t know if I can yet.” Phil says. “I don’t know if I can face him yet after I just aired all of our dirty laundry into the open.”

“But it’s not ‘dirty laundry’. It’s your real life that the tabloids were exploiting. The paparazzi deserved to be called out like you did.”

“That doesn’t make what I do as right.”

They sit in silence for a few moments, nothing more than just the sound of them breathing in the room and the sound of Spike gnawing on a bone in the corner of the flat.

Suddenly, Phil’s phone vibrates loudly on the couch and he jumps, reaching for it and picking it up. On the screen, it’s a picture of Dan saying ‘Dan would like to Facetime’. Phil swallows and puts his finger up to PJ to keep him quiet and he nods in acknowledgement.

He swipes the screen and answers and Dan is laying in his bed on the other side, his face red and puffy and his eyes very badly bloodshot.

“Why did you make that video?” Dan asks, his voice really hoarse and his words hanging between them like a tight string.

Phil’s heart began to beat faster as he begin to think of every possible reasoning he could tell Dan but frankly, none of them would be true. They would all be fibs. So he lets out a breath and then answers. “I wanted people to know our story.”

“But why?”

Dan’s voice sounds young and childlike, almost as if he’s asking a parent why he couldn’t have a sweet before his dinner. Phil swallows.

“I wanted people to know what they did.”

Dan breaks eye contact with the screen and looks down at his bedsheets, his fingers appear to be picking at a piece of thread.

“I can delete the video if you want me to.” Phil says. “Although I’m not sure…”

“Thank you for posting the video.”

The words catch Phil off guard. He was expecting Dan to yell at him, maybe even threaten legal action for speaking out about their relationship. But those words…they were like a punch in Phil’s gut in the best way possible.

“What?”

“When Marianne told me that you had posted that video, I initially was really upset because I thought you were doing it to maybe spite what I had asked of us on our Skype call or to even, I don’t know, exploit our own relationship.” Dan sniffled. “Marianne barred me from watching the video but I just caved and watched it and Phil, what you said at the end, I want all of that too.”

Phil feels his eyes prick a bit with happy tears and he looks up to see PJ’s own eyes have gone a bit glassy as well.

“I want to wake up next to you each morning and I want to kiss you whenever I want, where I want to.” Dan let out a laugh. “And let’s be real, definitely more sex because that has been incredible.”

PJ snickers in the background and Phil shushes him with a wave out of view.

“But more than anything, I just want to be with you.” Dan says. “I want to be able to go in public with you and post photos with you and not feel like I had to hide. I’ve been hiding for so long and I’m sick of it.” He lets out a breath. “I just want to be with you.”

“I love you, Dan.” It’s the first time Phil has said it to Dan directly and it feels a bit overwhelming but it also feels right at the same time.

“I love you too.” Dan says. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone else before.”

Phil lets a few tears fall and Dan smiles and laughs a bit as he wipes his own tears on the other side of the screen.

“We’re such saps.” Dan laughs and Phil laughs with him because they are. They really are but Phil doesn’t care. “I’m going to make a post on Instagram and Twitter confirming what you said in the video and I’m going to ask for our privacy. Is that okay?”

Phil nods and smiles. “That is more than okay. I think I’m going to do that same.”

“Okay.” Dan says. “I have to get going now because I have to get ready for Jimmy Fallon tonight, perfect timing right? But anyway, I have to start preparing but I’ll make the post and everything. I’m sure this will be a talking point on Jimmy Fallon if you want to tune in later?”

Phil nods. It’ll be really really late for him but he needs to watch Dan on Jimmy Fallon. He has to.

“I’ll talk to you later?” Dan asks, breaking Phil’s thoughts and Phil nods quickly.

“Of course.”

“Mmm. Love you.” Dan says, a smile playing on his lips again. “I like being able to say that.”

“Me too.” Phil says. “Love you too.”

“Bye.”

Dan ends the video call and Phil is left staring at his own reflection in the black screen. He immediately turns to PJ who is half pouring a new glass of whiskey and half wiping a few tears from his cheeks.

“Can you please stay with me to watch Jimmy Fallon tonight?” Phil pleads.

PJ looks at Phil and nods quickly. “Of course but I have work in the morning and you do too.”

Phil shakes his head and lets out a sigh. “Forget work tomorrow. Just…please be with me to watch Dan on there. Please?”

PJ nods and lets out a soft smile. “I’ll call Soph and have her bring us some snacks.”

“I should probably call my brother and my mum.” Phil says, speaking out loud.

PJ nods and Phil let’s out a long sigh and picks up his phone again. He remembers how he told Dan that he’ll write a note on Instagram and Twitter so he opens his notes app and just types.

“As you all know I posted the video today about Dan and I’s relationship. Although that was all private information, Dan and I have since spoken and neither one of us believe the video did any harm. We’re asking for everyone to respect our privacy during this time as we rebuild our relationship. Thank you all, Phil.”

Just as Phil posts his note, Dan’s note comes onto his timeline and he reads it.

“Earlier today, Phil posted a video regarding mine and his relationship these last few months. Although all of what he said is 100% accurate, we’re asking you all to respect us during this time and keep our privacy as just that. I will still be on Jimmy Fallon tonight but I would like to remind everyone to keep us in your thoughts and to please leave us to settle what we need to in private. Thank you.”

Phil smiles at bit at the note and then goes to the contacts in his phone and presses his mum’s name for the first time in over a week.

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic #fluff #smut #angst #princesslexi763fics #famous!dan #moviestar!dan

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fourthingsandawizard · 6 years ago

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Dan and Phil Rize Highlights, Aug. 21 2018

The "It was 9am in Virginia and I was watching at my desk at work, don't tell my boss" edition:

-Dan: “What time is it? What year is it?” (They’re currently in Brisbane, where it was 11pm when they started the liveshow)

-Phil: “We know everything that happens on your Tuesday because it’s already happened!”

-They spent their whole day on an island without 4G, so Dan was very happy to have internet back. Phil told him “You don’t need Google Maps! Just look at the North Star!” (sidenote, I would LOVE to see Phil try to navigate somewhere via the stars. We would never see him again)

-Dan tried to move on to “the reason” we were all there for the show, which prompted a duet of “The Reason” by Hoobastank. Afterword, Phil said “This is Dan and Phil at 11pm when they’re a little delirious and jetlagged.”

-The island they went to was on the coast of Brisbane, about a 45 minute ferry ride

-Apparently Martyn needs glasses?

-They went to a café called The Blue Room. Phil, of course, asked, “Where’s the red room? Obviously in the basement”

-They saw a ton of wildlife, including wild kangaroos and dolphins, which were in their Insta stories. Dan said if we aren’t following them on Instagram, we should go follow just to see the wildlife, then we can unfollow

- They saw an actual bandicoot, but at first they thought it was a rat. It was borrowing in foliage, and Dan clarified that it was not wearing pants

-Phil: “We went to Brown Lake.” Dan: “Brown BEAR Lake.” Phil: “Brown Lake.” Dan: “Brown Bear Lake.” Phil: “There was no bear involved, it was Brown Lake.” Dan: “I swear on my life it was Brown Bear Lake…” (After a quick Google, it was confirmed, Brown Lake)

-They talked about Brown Lake and showed a picture, but my feed lagged HARD for a good three minutes

-Phil said the kangaroo was “thicc” and that there were only about 2,000 people living on the island, so it was very peaceful

-Dan: “What now, Phil? It seems like you’re the captain of this ship.”

-They started pulling people into the stream to answer the Truth Bomb “How will Dan and Phil die?”

-Dan: “I have a feeling this will go horribly wrong. But I believe in Phil, and I believe in you.”

-The first person they called was named Alexa, and Dan said “Alexa, play Despicito.”

-Alexa was in the car, on a work break. Dan: “Are you on your break at work, or did you just stop working to do this?”

-The first Truth Bomb answers: Phil will die by cheese platter (Dan: “There’s just so much cheese, Phil will will himself to die”), Dan will die via a room full of “Hello Internet” playing and all of his lol randum phase and Danosaur merch

-The next persons said they would die because Phil turned off the airplane mode on his phone and the plane crashed, killing them both

-Dan: “Do you even have to put your phone on airplane mode anymore?” Phil: “No, you HAVE to do that!”

-Dan got mad because Phil tried to “randomly” pick a person that had him set as their profile picture

-The next person was outside at 8am, drinking coffee and living their best life, and said Dan and Phil would both die of Vitamin D deficiency. Phil: “And you’re outside to say that to us, just to prove your point!”

-Dying of Vitamin D deficiency was the Truth Bomb winner

-Dan mentioned that you can pull more than one person in the stream at once, so maybe next time they’ll pull three people in to do their Truth Bombs all at once

-Phil said he went to the “Australia shop” (which they then clarified just meant a grocery store in Australia, not like, a shop of Australian stuff). He got a bunch of snacks, which he then forced Dan to try on camera. Dan didn’t like it, he thinks white chocolate is too sweet, he prefers dark

-They went on about a ten minute rant about the weird snacks they’ve found in Australia, and Dan didn’t like any of the ones Phil mentioned. Phil: “Why are you such a hater today of all the good things?”

-They talked more about the baseball game in Canada. Dan mentioned some of the weird things that happened between plays, and how the mascot had his own local fandom. Phil said he enjoyed “the sport” more than he thought once he learned the rules

-Their flight was 17 hours long. Dan said that after “living on a tour bus, I can now sleep anywhere. You could shake me violently for eight hours and I wouldn’t wake up.”

-They watched Ready Player One, then Dan fell asleep for eight hours straight. Phil slept too, but woke up earlier than Dan

-They gave reviews of Ready Player One (it moved too fast compared to the book), Big Little Lies, and Greatest Showman. Of Greatest Showman, Phil said “Liked the songs, thought it was beautiful, story was alright, Zac Efron was great, good elephants.”

-Dan: “We’re allowed to like different things, and that’s okay.”

-Dan thought Greatest Showman’s choreography was amazing, but felt like it was 12 amazing music videos smashed together with a just okay movie in between, and didn’t like how much modern pop production was in the music

-Dan knocked Phil’s snack on the floor, Phil ate it anyway

-Dan asked Phil to explain his weird “Dan, Dab, one letter away” tweet. Phil: “It was just in my head and I wanted to release it.”

-Phil only counts listening to a song properly if he’s listened to it with headphones

-The new Sims video crossed an ethical line, and people were either really excited or really angry. Phil: “Well, they’ve been with this family for like three years!”

-They might post another gaming video about the same time as this livestream tomorrow, depending on what time Phil wants to go to bed after their show

-Phil decided to bring people into the show to help them wave goodbye. It went about as well as you would expect.

#dan and phil #amazingphil #danielhowell #dan and phil rize #dan and phil liveshow #phil lester #dan howell #danisnotonfire #interactive introverts #dan and phil ii #phandom #dip and pip

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memryse · 3 years ago

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this is so completely true! it’s hard for me to speak on Before 3rd life, being that i joined this fandom because of 3rd life, but… that’s the point, isn’t it? 3rd life is, really, the first real gateway into hermitcraft outside of hermitcraft itself. it’s more than just “the hermits doing another series together”, it was the first intersection of the hermitcraft and x-life circles.

again, as a post-3L fan, i noticed a lot of differences when going back to watch older content. desert duo is definitely the main thing i notice since they’re my main povs, but also how much the closeness of this group has evolved in general. the addition of proximity chat to hermitcraft - which of course was tested at the end of s7 but no doubt the success of 3L was the determining factor. little things like the mcc9 lords, grian comments that he doesn’t know joel too well but he’d like to get to know him more. it taught them all a lot about improv and unplanned storylines, as scar will gladly tell anyone whenever it gets brought up on stream. quite honestly it taught a lot of the hermits how to play the game properly, because hc is such a unique and high level environment. now we have series like 100hrs. a year ago you’d never have foreseen grian, ex-creative player with only a few past smps under his belt, playing hardcore and surviving so long in it. let alone scar joining him. 3rd life helped them do that! and the ccs’ channel growths! jimmy hit 200k just as 3L was ending, after years of youtube. he’s doubled to 400k in the last year and showing no signs of stopping. martyn came back to minecraft finally and remains the most outwardly passionate fan of the series out of all the ccs.

for the fandom, like i said, it was the first proper intersection of the hermits with other circles. mcc is one thing, an entire series is another. hc doesn’t feel so separate from other smps anymore; 3L/LL helped bridge the gap between communities. the timing really helped: just after the peak of dsmp popularity, when people are looking to branch out to new mcyts, along comes a short and easily consumable miniseries with a new Main Hermitcraft Season coming up too! excellent timing! last life capitalised on this even better as the dsmp burnout worsened for a lot of people (not meaning this as a slight to dsmp, i mean this as a person who personally witnessed this happen dozens of times). so many people joined this side of the mcyt fandom because of LL. like i said, i wasn’t here pre-3L, but i definitely can tell a difference just between 3L era trafficblr and post-LL trafficblr. honestly, shipping is the main change i noticed. prior to ethubs there definitely were shippers, but it was still all in an awkward post-ship discourse phase, i think. certainly nothing like we have today. it’s a very different environment. plus ccs showing interest in tumblr again? direct consequence of 3L (stares at flower husbands fans). the popularity of 3L and hermitcraft as a whole have exploded, to the point that we’re now able to contend with dsmp on tumblr and reach top spots on trending multiple times - including right now :] when you think about how small hermitblr used to be, that seems kind of unfathomable. can’t imagine how it would feel for someone who was around back then.

for me personally, 3L changed a lot of things for me too. i did nothing on tumblr before 3L, just reblogged dsmp art. it made me want to write again, to truly engage in fandom. i met some of my best friends through this series (hi kegan. not that i met you through it directly but i sure dragged you in with me). it showed me all of my current favourite ccs, who i genuinely never saw myself watching in a million years because i had personal bad experiences related to hc. but now i’m happy, i have a fandom i truly want to create content for for the first time since i was thirteen years old, i have one of my longest running hyperfixations ever and i still haven’t run out of things to say about a couple of minecraft miniseries.

I'm sure someone who has time and their thoughts in order could write essays about this, and probably have, but 3rd Life was such a cultural reset point for the entire fandom that it's wild to think about. There is a distinct before 3rd Life and after 3rd Life for everything--how the CCs and the fandom interact with storylines and RP, the "start" of desert duo, renchanting, ethubs, flower husbands, etc on and on. That's just some of the iconic elements of it, not even touching the personal ways it has impacted people. The impact it's had on this fandom is almost hard to comprehend it's so vast.

#sorry quara i hijacked ur post #but ok you said someone who has time and i’ve been putting off my work all day anyway #3rd life

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maybeformepersonally · 6 years ago

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look I’m not saying you should write the boyband au but I am saying you should write some headcannons for the boyband au

okay so i don’t see daniel howell being part of a boyband, ever, no matter what teen magazines like to imply with their shiny cringy wowza edits, so i’m going with rock band instead. probably alternative rock with some interesting experimental twists thrown in, a little bit edgy but overall just really good bops with a wholesome message and a fresh, innovative sound.

now that’s been established, let’sa go:

1. phil is the lead singer because that man has a voice, but they all sing. phil learnt to play guitar when he was a kid, following in the footsteps of his cool older brother who he wanted to be like (with good reason, because martyn is awesome). he and martyn went to the same teacher, and it was with him that they also started to learn other instruments.

2. phil and martyn are close growing up, not in small part due to their shared love for music, and they played together all the time, making up melodies and later on whole songs. they started a band with some friends when they were teens, which broke up when a couple of them went off to uni. their second band broke off when martyn left for uni, but he missed it terribly, and so did phil. after a lot of contemplation and soul-searching they decide to go after a career in music. martyn changes his major, and when the time comes for phil, he chooses the royal northern college of music in manchester, and for the first time gets formal vocal training as well as a general musical background and the opportunity to perfect his guitar and cello skills.

3. dan’s love for music started with his dream of playing the piano. his parents sent him to private classes after he begged them for long enough that they realised he was serious about it, but they still told him he had to pay for it with his own pocket money, which he did. this was important to him. his teacher was a young, upbeat, classically trained student who was a bit disorganised, but every bit as passionate about her craft as dan would grow to be. she loved dan’s dedication, and was always patient and encouraging, and she was his main supporter when he decided to move to manchester to pursue music professionally (his parents were skeptical at first). he dabbled with other instruments, and later on would play some of them occasionally, but the piano would always be his first and everlasting love. dan is quick to love but he’s steadfast, and he’d be fortunate enough to choose well, every time.

4. dan and phil meet, of course, on the internet. phil creates a youtube channel at first because it was the best way to share his music with his brother and other friends, and soon learns he can use it as a sort of sounding board, since complete strangers can listen and comment, and there’s a small but active community of UK-based music creators there. he makes a few casual friends there, mostly people he won’t see again, or that he’ll talk to once or twice a year at most. the exception is one stunningly pretty boy from reading with the face of an angel and the piano skills of someone who made a deal with the devil, (and soft looking lips that phil can’t quite take his eyes off, and the most adorable dimples, and surprisingly defined collarbones that phil wanted to bite, but that was neither here nor there). phil notices his username because dan’s commented on several of phil’s videos, always positively, and some of his comments were really insightful. phil was not prepared, when he clicked on his username, to find the man behind the comments, but he was glad to. he binged the few videos dan had uploaded in under an hour then went back to rewatch and leave comments on them. the last comment he wrote offered an msn contact and an open and very enthusiastic offer to chat.

5. dan had a mini freak out when his youtube crush commented on every single one of his shitty videos, but despite his own insecurities, dan would not let this opportunity pass him by, so he contacted phil as requested. he was a tightly-wound bundle of nerves during that whole first chat (which lasted a lot longer than he would have thought), but he was also grinning from ear to ear the whole time. he may have screamed into his pillow after they finally called it a night, at almost 3 in the morning, too keyed up to actually go to sleep, but if so then no one could prove it.

6. dan and phil kept talking on msn for a while, as well as through other social media platforms (phil was the only person to consistently reach out when he was being dramatic and vague on twitter), then moved on to skype, and eventually, they met up in real life. they bonded over their love for music and even had a little improv session at phil’s house when dan went to visit. phil made up ridiculous lyrics for the songs and dan could not take his eyes off him the entire time, it was unfair how perfect he was, he thought. then phil started singing about meeting a boy named dan on the internet, and the things he sang were so sweet and flattering that it gave dan the final push he needed to dare to close the small distance and kiss him.

7. dan has to return home after only three days, but they have their next visit planned already, and they’re connected through the internet. they talk all the time, in fact, and dan starts filming and uploading more songs just so that phil gets to hear him play. dan starts writing more, inspired by these new feelings, and soon they’re collabing through skype, weaving melodies together, their styles jarringly different but surprisingly complementary.

8. dan gets to meet martyn on his fourth visit to phil’s. martyn had heard a lot about him, of course, since his little brother could not seem to shut up about him for longer than a few minutes (if that), and he’s seen dan’s videos (again, urged by phil), so when he finally got to meet the younger boy, he suggested they all jam together. martyn had never seen phil so happy as he was while playing with his two favourite people.

9. it becomes a thing. a tradition of sorts, that when they are all in the same place, they’ll improv together. dan and phil have been writing songs together, and phil and martyn never quite stopped doing so as well, but when all three of them play together they mostly ignore those in favour of trying out new sounds. by the time they start talking band names, they have more than enough songs for an album.

10. they amass an internet following, and soon enough local bars are too small for the crowds they attract, so they move on to other venues. dan and phil move in together, and somehow they’re still stuck on the honeymoon stage two years into their relationship, which is mostly cute except when martyn walks in on them furiously making out in the studio, or the tour bus, or their dressing room, or once at a hotel lobby’s bathroom. he teases them mercilessly about it.

11. their fanbase keeps growing steadily, and before they know it they’re releasing their third album, and one of their singles unexpectedly makes it to the top of the charts. suddenly, they’re getting invited to more interviews than they can actually go on, their album sales skyrocket, and they have to modify their tour plans to accommodate their newfound fame. it’s exhausting but exhilarating, for a few months it feels like they barely have time to breathe, much less compose new music, but somehow they still write a few new songs. it feels like everything is falling into place.

12. martyn meets and promptly falls in love with cornelia, a swedish singer who was booked to open for them on the european leg of their first world tour. she’s invited to travel with them the rest of the way, and phil finally gets to have his revenge for every time martyn poked fun at him for staring at dan too much, or for not being able to stop touching dan (innocent touches only, when martyn was around. but it’s true: phil doesn’t seem able to keep his hands to himself when dan is around, he’s always sitting close enough that their sides are touching, poking his dimple when he smiles, nudging his shoulder to call his attention, pretending to bite him when he teases phil, pushing him playfully when he makes fun of him.) and okay, phil is smitten, and it shows, but martyn is just as bad with cornelia, and soon enough dan joins in the gentle teasing.

13. cornelia becomes a fixture in their lives, part of the family, and she is warmly welcomed into the fold. dan has been an unofficial lester for a long time by this point, and now she becomes one as well.

14. cornelia sometimes features in a song or two, but she has her own thing going and isn’t actually interested in joining their band (they asked). she and phil harmonise beautifully, and whatever songs they release with her are always their most popular.

15. cornelia likes to take pictures of them and upload them to her social media accounts, which works out great for everyone involved because sometimes they can’t be bothered to post stuff themselves, and the band’s manager is insistent that they be more active on social media. This way she gets to gently poke fun at their boys, help them keep their manager off their backs, and do a public service to their fanbase, who can never have enough content.

16. this is one such picture.

#filisaceaf #phan au #band au #am i writing now #idek man #under a cut because it got long #if anyone wants to write this story or use these headcanons for anything you're more than welcome to!#please tag me if you do or send me an ask i'd love to see it

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auroraphilealis · 7 years ago

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Too Tense to Be Undone (7/7)

Too Tense to Be Undone (7/7) | Dan’s never had an orgasm before. Despite being in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for three years, he’s just never been able to finish. The doctor’s don’t know what’s wrong with him, so Dan’s mostly put it out of his mind. Until his gap year, when he starts talking with AmazingPhil, and accidentally admits that he’s never come before. Phil’s happy to help with more than just convincing Dan to post YouTube videos, if Dan will just give him the chance. | Phan | Explicit | Slight Friends with Benefits, Pining, Eventual Smut, Very Explicit Smut, Dirty Talk, Flirting, Getting Together, 2009, Skype | 12,841 Words This Chapter

Extra big thanks to @imnotinclinedtomaturity for being the most supportive friend ever who gets excited about my fics and reads them six times over everytime I make a new edit yikes. I hope that I can show Kat how much I love her in return because she’s amazing and I’ve decided she’s mine.

Hello friends! The long awaited, promised, chapter 7 (that was never supposed to happen *cough* kat *cough*). The story has officially concluded with an update that I HOPE will make all your dreams come true ;) Definitely expect some more smut tbh. But also, I just hope you overall enjoy what I’ve put into this chapter because I wanted to keep building their actual relationship as well as everything else going on. I think you’ll love it! The story is OFFICIALLY 75K in total, which is fucking insane how did that happen, and… you should maybe look out for a sequel in the future (no promises on when, but I think it’s definitely coming).

Thank to you every single person who commented, sent an ask, or reblogged this story. I can’t believe it got so much happy feedback, and while I might not have answered each and every comment, I treasure everyone.

(previous chapter) (ao3 link)

Christmas 2009

The moment Phil’s door fell shut behind him, Dan slumped down on Phil’s bed with a “umph” of pleasure, eyes falling closed and small smile curving the corners of his lips. It felt so good to lay down after the long day of traveling to Manchester Piccadilly, Phil’s house, and then spending time with Phil’s family, and even better to lay down in Phil’s bed. It it had been far too long since Dan had been here.

“Alright there?” Phil asked with a little giggle. Dan moaned out a half response, and nodded his head, rolling onto his side to curl up with Phil’s pillow. “You look comfortable,” Phil continued, shuffling around his room.

“I am,” Dan replied without opening his eyes.

“Good, I’m glad. But I’d be even more glad if you took your snow covered jacket off rather than rubbing the mess all over my bed,” Phil teased. A lump fell on top of Dan, and Dan opened his eyes to find that Phil had dropped his coat on Dan.

“Rude,” Dan complained, sitting up and tossing Phil’s sodden coat to the floor.

“Hey!” Phil protested, laughing. “Don’t put it on my floor! Now it’s going to be all wet!”

“Your mum’s wet.”

“Daaaaan, don’t talk about my mum like that!” Phil complained, making a face as he leaned over to strip off his socks as well. Dan snickered, secretly a little proud of himself for cracking a your mum joke that actually made sense, and shrugged out of his own winter jacket.

“Anyway,” Phil said, haphazardly tossing the socks to the floor before collapsing on the bed next to Dan. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed, dropping his coat and settling back down on Phil’s bed, long limbs pressing up along Phil’s warm side. “Your family’s pretty cool, Phil. I’m jealous.”

Phil snorted, but found Dan’s hand on the bed, entwining their fingers together gently. Dan felt warmth shoot through him, rushing from the tips of his fingers to the tips of his toes. He smiled.

“They’re alright I guess,” Phil said modestly, words a soft sigh as he settled into the bed. Dan shifted his hips closer so he and Phil were touching all along their sides, and rolled his eyes.

“They’re amazing, Phil,” Dan shot back, squeezing Phil’s fingers for good measure.

He and Phil had spent the last couple of hours outside, as Phil’s family gathered on the porch to to watch the snow fall. Mr. and Mrs. Lester had sat on the double rocker with two mugs of coffee in hand, and three abandoned mugs of hot chocolate on the table in front of them. Dan, Phil, and Phil’s brother, Martyn, had been playing in the snow, making a mess of each other, and generally causing mayhem in the backyard.

They hadn’t been the only one’s in the neighborhood taking advantage of the snow, though. Dan didn’t know what it was, but something about Rawtenstall seemed to bring out the childhood Christmas spirit in everyone, because most of the neighbors were either sat on their porches, or playing in the snow as well.

It had been nice, a far better afternoon than Dan would have had at his own home in Wokingham, and the Lesters had made Dan feel more than welcome.

Of course Dan knew that the Lesters took Christmas really seriously and it was usually a family-only event, but Dan was going home on the 23rd so he wasn’t really intruding.

And, well, it helped that Phil had introduced Dan to his family as his boyfriend. That might have been the highlight of Dan’s return trip to Phil’s home this weekend, considering he hadn’t expected as much so soon when he’d first booked the train tickets. Phil’s family had pretty much adopted Dan as one of them the moment the words were out of Phil’s mouth either way, so it didn’t really matter in the long run.

“You know Dan, my… boyfriend,” Phil said, giggling a little as he wrapped his arm around Dan’s shoulder casually, dragging him into Phil’s side. Dan stumbled a little at the sudden movement, and, while he’d known that Phil had eventually planned to tell his parents about their relationship, he hadn’t been expecting it to happen now.

His eyes went wide as Martyn and Mrs. Lester, who’d been sat on the living room sofa finishing up afternoon tea, stared wide eyes and a little owlishly at the two of them. Mrs. Lester nearly dropped her tea in shock, the sight a terrifying one to Dan.

Fuck, Dan hadn’t mentally prepared for this. He didn’t know what to make of Martyn and Mrs. Lesters’ expressions, or what to expect. Phil had talked plenty about his family, but he’d never properly set Dan’s expectations for this moment. Maybe Phil didn’t know himself.

Dan knew that Phil’s parents were perfectly accepting of the fact that Phil was gay, but Phil had also said he’d never brought home a boyfriend before - mostly due to the fact that he’d never had a boyfriend. What if a boyfriend made the whole situation more real to them, and they kicked Dan out on the spot?

As Dan’s thoughts spun in desperate, horrified circles, Mr. Lester began to laugh, breaking the silence that had fallen over the five people in the lounge. Dan’s heart leapt into his throat as he wondered whether or not that meant Mr. Lester thought this whole thing was a joke, and tried not to let himself jump to any conclusions.

That was far easier said than done, unfortunately.

Then Martyn burst into laughter as well, and Dan glanced at Phil to find his boyfriend grinning. Something tight started to loosen up in Dan’s chest, and when he looked back towards where the rest of the Lesters were sat, he found Mrs. Lester standing and rushing over to him.

Before Dan could prepare himself, Mrs. Lester was gathering him up into a huge hug, the force of which knocked Phil’s arm away from Dan’s shoulder. For a moment, Dan could do nothing but let his arms hover awkwardly at Mrs. Lester’s side, unaccustomed to such affection, before he finally relented and hugged her back.

Her arms were just as warm as Phil’s always were, if not warmer, and Dan suddenly understood why Phil was such a good hugger. He’d clearly learned it from his mum. Dan sighed, allowing himself to tuck his face into Mrs. Lester’s hair, and breathing in deeply in order to savor this moment.

“Thank you,” Mrs. Lester whispered into Dan’s ear. “For making my boy happy. I’ve never seen him like this with anyone, before you. I thought he’d never find someone. I thought he’d never bring someone home for us to meet. You can’t imagine what a godsend you are, dear.”

The weight of Mrs. Lester’s words took Dan by surprise, and he found his mouth falling open in a little “o,” his eyes wide once again. Maybe Mrs. Lester hadn’t meant to sound like she was assuming he and Phil were going to be together forever, but that was what Dan heard. Or maybe it was just what he’d wanted to hear.

As Mrs. Lester pulled away from Dan, not so surreptitiously swiping tears away from her eyes, Dan glanced over at Phil to find that Martyn had reached them and was clapping his brother on the back good naturedly. His eyes were twinkling with mirth as he wiggled his eyebrows at Phil, an expression Dan couldn’t quite understand.

Phil seemed to get it though, because he went bright red, and swatted at Martyn, slapping his brother on the arm wordlessly. Martyn laughed, swatting at Phil back, the two boys beginning to wrestle like siblings who got along far too well and rarely actually got truly angry at each other.

Then Mr. Lester stepped into Dan’s space, clapping a hand on Dan’s shoulder, and dragging Dan’s attention away from Phil altogether.

“About time, son,” he said, smiling at Dan, but very clearly speaking to Phil. “You know,” he added conspiratorially, “He’s never brought a partner home that he intended to actually stay.”

Dan’s cheeks went dark red as the words registered in his mind, and the realization that Phil’s family knew all about Phil’s… escapades.

“Nigel!” Mrs Lester reprimanded, as Phil groaned. Wide eyed, Dan turned back to Phil, completely floored, eyes twirling with questions. Phil met his gaze for less than a moment before shying away.

“No, but really,” Martyn added before anyone else could speak up. “It’s about time Phil asked Dan out. Did you know he hasn’t stopping talking about you in months? Dan this, Dan that,” he teased, voice going high pitched in a mock of Phil’s voice. Phil reached up to smack Martyn on the head, and caught him in a headlock. Martyn yelped in a fashion far too similar to the noise Phil made when Dan did the same thing to Phil.

“Shut up, Martyn!” Phil whined, masking his embarrassment as indignation.

Unable to help himself, and overcome with relieved elation, Dan started to laugh, reaching up to cover his mouth and praying that the tears beginning to prick at the corners of his eyes would just stop.

A warm hand touched Dan’s shoulder, and he turned to find Mrs. Lester smiling at him again.

“Welcome to the family, dear.”

Dan suddenly hoped that Mrs. Lester really had meant to imply that she thought this would last forever, because Dan hoped it would too.

“I wasn’t expecting them to accept me so easily,” Dan admitted, squeezing Phil’s fingers in his. “I wish my family were so cool with… everything. When I was going to specialists because of the,” Dan made a vague jacking-off gesture with his hand, blushing a little, “and the doctors first suggested I might be gay and I admitted I was bi… well, my parents were technically fine with it. At least, I think they were mostly fine with it. I’ve always thought… they were secretly holding out hope that I’d end up with a girl.” Dan bit his lip at the admission, the suspicion one Dan had yet to admit out loud.

Phil turned his head on the pillow next to Dan’s, a soft frown on his face. Dan tried to ignore it, terrified that Phil was staring at him in pity, but rolled his head to look at Phil anyway. Dan could never resist the call of Phil’s gaze on his.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Dan. I’m sure they just want you to be happy.”

Dan shrugged his shoulders noncommittally. It was a conversation he and Phil had had before - not about the whole sexuality thing, but the thing about Dan’s parents being so hard on him only because they wanted him to have a good life. Dan had heard all of the excuses before, and while he suspected that Phil was probably right, that didn’t stop his parents stubborn refusal to just let Dan be himself from hurting.

Dan’s dad was just kind of… not the easiest person to get along with. And his mum, well, she was great, but she worried far too much and always seemed to want Dan to stay on the safe, well-traveled path, where everyone went off to work in an office and made sure they got their taxes done on time. There was no room for adventure with Dan’s mum, no room for chasing dreams, no room for taking chances.

“Easy for you to say,” Dan sighed. “Your parents have always been supportive of everything you wanted to do, even YouTube, and they had no idea if that would pan out.”

Phil frowned, but didn’t argue the point. It was true that when Dan’s parents had found out he was pursuing YouTube, they’d been less than supportive. They’d agreed to let Dan keep it up as a hobby if and only if he agreed to go to law school in the fall. Dan’s agreement had been… taciturn, to put it lightly.

Nevertheless, he’d started applying to schools, the University of Manchester being his number one hope. He likely wouldn’t hear back until the summer, but it didn’t matter. Dan had made his parents happy, and gotten them off his back about filming videos.

“It’s okay, Phil. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” Dan said after another awkward moment had passed. He reached up with the hand not holding Phil’s to cup his cheek, and nuzzled Phil’s nose with his own. Phil’s eyes fluttered shut. The pale lids of Phil’s eyes and his freckle-dotted cheeks were a wonderful sight, considering that Dan had gone ages being so far away from him.

Leaning in gently, Dan pressed a chaste kiss to Phil’s lips, before drawing away.

“I missed you,” he whispered against Phil’s mouth. Phil’s lips quirked up, his breathing already accelerating from the one little kiss (and wow, Dan was never going to get over how he could take Phil apart, now).

“I missed you, too,” Phil reassured Dan, and kissed him again.

This time, Phil drew them into something deeper, something with a little more weight and feeling to it than the chaste kiss from before. Phil’s unoccupied hand moved to Dan’s hips, drawing their bodies closer, and he tightened his fingers around Dan’s hand in his. His tongue nudged at Dan’s bottom lip, encouraging him to let Phil press in close and suck at his bottom lip, moving their mouths together in a rhythm they were beginning to learn with each other.

Kissing Phil was becoming second nature - at this point, Dan knew how much pressure Phil liked, where Phil liked Dan to put his tongue, how Phil preferred long kisses to short ones - but, regardless, kissing Phil still sent shivers down Dan’s spine each and every time.

After Dan’s long absence, being back in Phil’s arms, back in his home, and back in his bed felt amazing. He’d only gotten to see Phil in person a few times: once on October 19th for three days when they’d officially gotten together, again on October 31st for the YouTuber Halloween Gathering, and then a once more in the middle of November for a weekend visit to Phil’s. The first trip had been something special that Dan would never forget, but the second had been… far too public for Dan’s taste, and had left him with a severe case of blue balls that he’d been too embarrassed to admit to Phil.

They’d stayed at one of Phil’s friends flat in London, before Dan had taken off on the seven o’clock train the following morning at his parents’ behest. He’d had an afternoon shift at the law office Dan’s father had gotten him an internship at, much to Dan’s displeasure, but he hadn’t complained. He’d gotten to see Phil again - just a week after he’d had to say goodbye. Even without hot sex and a rewarding orgasm at the end, Dan had been given the chance to not only cuddle his boyfriend, but to hug and kiss him in the darkness of the guest bedroom that night.

It was hard to be too disappointed at the night’s lack of sexual gratification when Dan so rarely got to see Phil in the flesh at all, so despite the awkward sensation of arousal Dan got from merely lying in bed with Phil, Dan had put up with the blue balls graciously enough (even if he did go home and try to wank immediately, the sensation a terrible disappointment when Dan got nothing but that horrible oversensitized sensation that had driven him away from masturbation in the first place).

The third time had been just as sexually unsatisfying. Phil’s parents had been home, and Dan had spent the majority of his time trying to win them over so that when Phil officially introduced Dan to them as his boyfriend, they wouldn’t already hate Dan altogether. If this afternoon was anything to go by, Dan’s efforts had definitely paid off, because not only had the Lesters been overjoyed to hear Dan was Phil’s boyfriend, but they hadn’t even argued against Dan staying in Phil’s room for the next two nights.

Still. Two months of blue balls after having gotten a good… uhm, couple orgasms at Phil’s that first visit had felt like entirely too much. Despite the fact that masturbation didn’t have a track record of successfully getting Dan off, he’d… well, tried again.

The sexual desire surging through him had just been too much.

Not long after Phil had first taught Dan that he needed to be penetrated, and practically ignore his cock, to reach orgasm, Dan had snuck out during his lunch break at the law office to visit an inconspicuous sex store he’d looked up on the internet, and bought himself a vibrating dildo. The packaging had been just as inconspicuous, enough for Dan to get it from the shop to his work to his bedroom without too much prying, but he hadn’t actually given the object a try until a few days after Halloween and the unsuccessful wank he’d had before buying the toy.

See, once Dan had gotten a taste for what it felt like to actually orgasm, it had become difficult for him to not crave that sensation again. Dan knew from years of experience, coupled with the comparison to what it felt like to actually get fucked, that a quick wank wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him, but Dan did know that fucking himself with a dildo might. So, after being deprived of any sexual attention after the Halloween gathering, Dan went home the next day, bought the toy a few days later, and after an agonizing shift at the law office, locked himself in his bedroom to try the vibrator out.

Suffice to say, it had worked.

Surprisingly.

It had taken a couple articles on how to have anal sex, and a lot of lube, to figure out how to fit the thing inside of him without hurting himself, and then he’d… well… gone off.

The resulting orgasm had been lackluster in comparison to the feeling of it being Phil inside of Dan, but it had been something, almost a moral booster to Dan, who’d been afraid that finally coming had all been a fluke. The sensation… hadn’t really been worth the hours of awkward fumbling around, however, and though Dan knew it would become easier with practice, he’d kind of given the toy, and wanking, up for the following two months.

Now he was back at Phil’s, though, with his boyfriend right next to him, his entire family downstairs, and it was beginning to look like there was no hope for any intimacy with Phil these next couple of days.

Groaning against Phil’s lips, Dan pulled away as he realized he was starting to grow... interested just from the kissing alone. Getting hard just from kissing wasn’t new to Dan, but it did hurt more this time considering how many times Dan had neglected to get off since the aborted dildo attempt. His dick just couldn’t take too much more teasing before it would explode.

How had Dan spent so long getting his girlfriend off without getting anything in return, but now he couldn’t handle going more than a few weeks without Phil? Dan was going insane, and it had only been two months. That was nothing compared to 18 years. Maybe it was because his body knew what it was missing now, but the longing was driving Dan mad.

“What’s that noise about?” Phil asked, stroking his fingers along the smooth,hairless side of Dan’s face, and breaking Dan from his thoughts. Lips parted, Dan stared up at Phil regretfully, and shook his head.

“It’s nothing,” he lied, subtly shuffling his hips slightly farther away from Phil. How was he supposed to tell his boyfriend that he wanted to jump Phil’s bones, and the fact that he couldn’t was making his entire body absolutely ache? Dan scrunched up his nose in frustration, and sighed again.

Phil laughed at the expression, and reached a finger over to poke Dan’s nose. Dan’s face relaxed, and he smiled almost on instinct at the touch.

“You look cute when you do that.”

“Shut up,” Dan whined, releasing Phil’s fingers and rolling over. He pressed his face into Phil’s pillow, knees tucked against Phil’s thighs, and peeked out with one eye. “I’m not cute,” he said, hiding a smile.

Phil rolled his eyes. “Alright, you aren’t cute. You’re fit. You’re the sexiest man I’ve ever known,” he murmured, leaning in close as his voice lowered. His eyes were twinkling with mischief and his grin was more of a smirk as he moved so his face was as close to Dan’s hidden one as possible.

Narrowing his eyes, Dan peered out of the corner of his eyes at Phil suspiciously. Something wasn’t right…

Before Dan could so much as attempt to defend himself, Phil leaned in and nipped at his ear lobe.

“Hey!” Dan yelped, affronted. He reached for his ear to block it from any other attacks, and rolled over again so he was on his side, facing Phil. “What was that for!?”

“You’re avoiding my question,” Phil taunted, grinning unapologetically. “What’s going on in that silly little head of yours?”

Dan sighed. It was stupid, really. He should just be happy he was getting to spend any time with Phil, not complaining that he wasn’t getting any sex. He needed to stop thinking with his dick, and appreciate what the universe was giving him. The fact that his parents had let him book more train tickets so close to Christmas had been a miracle in and of itself, but Dan had been ready to throw a fit if they’d said no.

Still.

“It’s silly,” Dan stubbornly replied, burying his face back into Phil’s pillow. This time, he rolled over completely so that he was on his stomach and Phil wouldn’t be able to weasel anything more out of him. Or notice the semi that Dan was sporting.

Dan was sorely mistaken about Phil’s stubbornness, though.

The bed shifted as Phil moved. Dan wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but in the next moment, Phil’s fingers had found his sides, and he started tickling Dan mercilessly. Dan yelped, trying to curl in on himself and twist away from Phil’s fingers, but Phil wasn’t having any of that. He shuffled until he was straddling Dan’s bum, effectively pining him in place, and continued the movements of his fingers on Dan’s ribcage.

“Phil!” Dan whined.

“Tell me what’s bothering you, or I won’t stop!” Phil crowed back. His voice was a mixture of smug and amused as he laughed at Dan, fingers digging almost gently into Dan’s sides. The feeling in Dan’s abdomen they were creating was anything but gentle, though, and Dan found himself cackling hysterically into Phil’s pillow as he squirmed under Phil.

His lungs burned with the continued feeling of Phil’s torturous tickling, but Dan refused to give in. The confession was embarrassing and completely awkward, Phil didn’t need to know that Dan was desperate for Phil’s cock. Their relationship was supposed to be about more than sex, after all.

Unfortunately for Dan, being tickled was not the only thing he had to worry about. The feeling of Phil literally sitting on him seemed to be enough to get other parts of his body fully engaged in the current situation, and Dan found himself unexpectedly wheezing out a little moan as his quickly-hardening cock ground into the mattress below him.

Phil’s movements abruptly stopped, and Dan slumped into the pillows below with a relieved inhale of breath.

His chest was heaving, he was completely breathless, and his cock was quite literally throbbing in his jeans.

So much for keeping a hold over himself.

“Dan?” Phil asked, his voice a cautious question. “Are you okay?”

Dan shook his head, burying back into Phil’s pillow despite his current difficulty breathing, because he didn’t want to answer the question.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Phil asked, clearly unsure. Dan squeezed his eyes shut, because he hated that sound in Phil’s voice, hated knowing he’d made Phil feel like he’d done something wrong, when Phil never did anything wrong.

Except when he was being a tease over Skype, but they’d talked about that.

Turning his head a little for a quick inhale of air, Dan whispered, “No.”

Dan could practically feel Phil frowning on top of him. He was still sat on Dan’s bum, a warm weight on Dan’s arse, completely unaware of how that was affecting Dan.

“Then what’s wrong?” Phil asked, fingers finding the base of Dan’s skull and beginning to knead gently at the muscles there. Dan moaned, hips rocking against the mattress and body relaxing under the touch that Phil knew Dan liked a little too much. Damn him for using Dan’s weakness against him.

Dan’s dick pulsed in his jeans, and he groaned, burying his face back into Phil’s pillow.

Phil’s fingers kept kneading.

“Is this… turning you on, Dan?” Phil asked, voice soft, non-judgemental. “Are you maybe… a little sexually frustrated?” he continued. Dan expected Phil to sound teasing, the way he got on Skype sometimes when he knew that Dan was getting a little too excited about Phil’s flirting, but he didn’t. Instead, Phil sounded sweet, almost understanding, and it only made Dan’s cheeks heat up even more.

Slowly, he nodded his head.

Maybe, if he was just honest with Phil, Phil would understand and get off of his arse already. They couldn’t exactly… get up to anything with Phil’s entire family downstairs, after all.

Phil hummed thoughtfully in reaction, but he didn’t climb off of Dan. In fact, he seemed to settle more firmly on Dan’s bum, his fingers continuing to knead at the base of Dan’s skull. The touch sent shivers up Dan’s spine and made him feel boneless as he relaxed against the bed.

Dan turned his head so he could breathe, and let himself given in to the touch.

The room fell into a somewhat comfortable silence as Phil continued his ministrations, unoccupied hand moving to knead at Dan’s shoulder blades a little, working out the pain in the muscles. Phil didn’t seem to have a response to Dan’s little problem, and while he wasn’t doing anything to make it better, at least he wasn’t annoyed with Dan.

Some part of him still feared he’d wake up one day and Phil would be sick of dealing with him, or that he’d start acting like Dan’s ex, who’d cheated on him and never cared to put in any effort get Dan off. More often than not, Dan had just seemed to annoy her. The last thing he wanted was to annoy Phil, too.

Especially with this.

It wasn’t Dan’s fault he’d never been able to orgasm before. Phil was just… really good at pleasuring Dan, and had been the only partner to ever bother trying to help Dan, much less the only person to have ever been successful with that particular task. It made sense that Dan would want to continue that trend as often as possible. And besides, Phil was really fit. It was hard not to look at him and remember what it felt like to be kissing him, touching him, filled with him. Dan shuddered even just thinking about it, and bit his bottom lip in the hopes that the surge of pain would help calm his erection down.

It didn’t.

Phil didn’t seem to notice Dan’s thoughts had gone (even more) awry, though. He just continued to sit on top of Dan’s bum, knees on either side of Dan’s hips, and rub soothing circles into the base of Dan’s skull and his shoulder blades. It was actually kind of a lulling sensation, and despite the fact that Dan hadn’t been tired earlier, he was starting to feel a little bit drowsy. He hummed out a soft sound of contentment, and let Phil continue to pet him.

Dan wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. Phil didn’t push the matter any further than he had earlier, allowing a comfortable silence to settle, and helping Dan to calm down as best as he could. It would have helped more if Phil had climbed off of Dan, but if Dan was being honest, he didn’t really want that either. He was far too invested in the wonderful feeling of Phil being pressed up against him in any way, regardless of how painful that made Dan’s balls as they tensed up against him in desire.

Eventually, though, Phil drew his hand free from Dan’s skull, and shifted down. Drifting a little in his half-state of unconsciousness, Dan didn’t have it in him to complain, and besides, Phil seemed to be draping himself over Dan’s back like a blanket, and that was definitely nice. Phil tucked his face into Dan’s neck on the opposite side to his face, close to where his fingers had been before, hot breath fanning out against sensitive skin.

Dan felt goosebumps rise on his skin, and he sighed. He hoped Phil wasn’t planning to move, because Dan rather liked this position. Soft lips grazed against Dan’s neck, warm and a little bit wet. There was an answering twitch from Dan’s cock, and then the familiar feeling of a wet tongue sliding along his throat, and warm lips settling in to suck at Dan’s neck.

“Ph-Phil?” Dan stuttered out, starting to regain awareness. His eyes flew open in surprise, and he tried to shift under Phil, confused and a little bit nervous, but Phil kept him pinned in place with his body. His hands had shifted to slide up and down Dan’s torso on top of his shirt, just under his armpits, while his mouth began to work at a spot a few inches below Dan’s ear.

“Mm?” Phil asked, voice amused. Dan shuddered at the way the sound rumbled against his skin, and added another layer to the slow building pleasure starting to scorch its way through Dan’s veins.

“Wha-what are you doing?” Dan asked, tripping over the words as a soft moan slipped past his lips. Dan ducked his face into the bed, trying to muffle the soft sounds he was beginning to make, while Phil laughed on top of him.

“Giving you what you wanted,” Phil finally replied after another few lazy kisses had been pressed to the back of Dan’s neck. Dan shuddered at the words, groaning into Phil’s sheets, and bucking his hips down. His cock twitched in his pants, very, very interested now. This was hardly fair. Phil was getting Dan worked up while his parents were downstairs. Wasn’t he afraid they were going to hear?

Dan wasn’t exactly quiet, and besides, the door was still cracked open. Phil hadn’t tried very hard to shut it when they’d walked in, after all.

Regardless of this embarrassing knowledge, Phil’s lips moved from Dan’s neck and trailed up the back of his head to the space behind Dan’s ear. His breath was hot there, causing Dan to let out a surprised whoosh of air, before Phil began speaking again.

“I wonder how quiet you can be, Daniel,” Phil whispered, snaking his hands under Dan’s body and pressing his fingers against his chest. At first, the movement felt aimless, but then Dan realized what Phil was looking for when his fingers passed insistently over Dan’s nipples. Dan hissed out a whimper of pleasure, body twitching against his will.

“Fuck, Phil, I don’t…” Dan shook his head. God, was he really about to argue against doing this, when it was all he’d been able to think about for two months? He hadn’t gotten even remotely enough intimate time with Phil, and skype sex had been completely off the table on Dan’s orders, which Phil gracefully obeyed. Now, though, now Dan was terrified of the fact that Phil’s family was home.

What was the point of all of Dan’s hard work spent getting Phil’s family to like him if Phil was going to fuck Dan under the same roof as them? If Phil was going to risk them hearing exactly what Dan and Phil sounded like during sex?

Yeah. No thank you.

Except - yes please. Dan’s body was screaming for it. He and Phil had gone another round (or two) before he’d had to leave for his train that last day when they’d had the house to themselves, but that hadn’t been nearly enough to Dan’s starved body (or his mind, because let’s be real, Dan was just as much mentally into this as he was physically). Saying no to finally getting what he wanted was fucking hard. Impossible.

“Phil, you asshole,” Dan muttered as Phil continued to press kisses against the back of his neck, his ear, the rough line of his throat where it was exposed, the sharp crevice of his shoulder… Phil’s lips were molten heat against Dan, an incredible feeling that was ultimately going to make Dan give in.

Phil chuckled, but still didn’t respond. Not verbally at least. He did, however, latch onto a spot just beneath Dan’s shirt and suck insistently. He seemed far too intent on breaking down Dan’s resolve, and if Dan was being honest with himself, Phil had already won.

Dan just didn’t want to cave that easily, so he whined a little and arched his back against Phil’s body, shrugging Phil’s mouth off his shoulder. Phil followed the movement, fingers still dancing along Dan’s torso, and reaching down to catch on the hem of his shirt. Dan’s body froze at the touch, a little surprised at how forward Phil was being, and wilted back into the bed.

“Ugh, fuck, Phil, fine, just… jesus fuck, please,” Dan whined, rocking his hips forward. “I’ve been waiting months for you to fuck me again, so just get on with it.”

“Eager, are we?” Phil asked, clearly amused, a husky laugh rasping against Dan’s skin. “I didn’t realize you wanted me so much,” he teased, licking a little stripe of Dan’s skin. “But I mean it, Dan. You’re going to have to be quiet if you want this.”

Dan nodded his head instantly, already knowing that he was going have to focus on reigning in his inability to be silent in intimate moments such as these. At this point, he’d do anything to feel Phil inside of him again, and he moaned as softly as he could when Phil shifted off of him so he was sat on Dan’s thighs, rather than draped over his back.

Phil’s fingers, already grasping the hem of Dan’s shirt, yanked it upwards. Dan arched his body with it, desperate to have the restricted clothing off of him already, and shuffled his arms around so Phil could tear it off of him. It was a bit of a struggle to remove the fabric, something that made Phil laugh and Dan huff out in annoyance, but eventually it was flung off the bed and Phil had returned to leaning over Dan, fluttering kisses across his now-bare shoulder blades.

Fuck, fuck, what if someone chose that moment to walk in? What were they doing fucking with the door cracked open?

“Mm, how do you want it?” Phil asked, lips trailing back up to Dan’s ear so he could whisper the question there, words erasing all worries from Dan’s mind. “What did you like best last time?”

Dan’s mouth fell open at the very thought of the last few times. Phil had taken him in every position Dan had known existed (and a few that Dan hadn’t), but there was one thing they hadn’t actually tried.

Despite Dan craving the idea of Phil taking him rough and hard from the very beginning, discarding the gentle, perfect, in-control part of his personality and replacing it with something more akin to the passionate flirt Dan knew Phil could be, they hadn’t actually gone at it in anywhere close to too rough. Phil had been far too careful for that, and Dan had revealed in the affectionate touches.

Now, though… now seemed like the perfect time.

“From behind,” Dan blurted out. He was panting just at the thought of it. Phil had taken him that way before, the morning after, but that had been slow and sweet and consisted of Phil laying on top of Dan. This time, Dan wanted something different. “Doggy style,” he added, feeling a surge of heat rush through him when the words made Phil choke.

Dan hoped it was a good choke.

“I want you to fuck me hard, Phil. I want to still be able to feel you when I get home.” The words, a lot less sexy when spoken aloud, were nonetheless a sentiment that Dan couldn’t help holding onto. He wanted some kind of reminder that Phil was his, some kind of reminder that this had happened, and it was real.

So yeah, Dan wanted rough, and he didn’t even mind if it hurt to sit for a couple of days afterward.

Phil groaned at the words, biting down on Dan’s shoulder where his lips had moved while he’d waited for a response from Dan. His hips shifted on top of Dan a little, nudging Phil’s bulge into the cleft of Dan’s arse, and reassuring him that Phil was just as interested in that idea as Dan was.

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Phil whispered, releasing Dan’s skin and kissing over it. “Not gonna hurt you though,” Phil added, like the gentlemen he was, and leaned back up to kiss at the side of Dan’s neck. Before Dan could get too into the touch, Phil rolled off of Dan, and got off the bed entirely.

Dan turned to watch Phil move, eyes drawn to the bulge in his jeans and the fact that Phil was just as excited as Dan. The fact still managed to amaze Dan sometimes, despite the absurd amount of times they’d had sex over the course of three days alone, and the skype calls where Phil admitted to being late because he’d had to take care of… something in the bathroom.

His cheeks were always gloriously flushed, and his body adorably relaxed. Dan couldn’t decide if he was more jealous or happy in those moments, but he figured both was a fine middle ground.

Phil shuffled around his room, thankfully finally noticing that the door was open, and closed it softly. Dan heard the distinctive sound of a lock turning, and then Phil was moving to dig around in the bottom drawer of his dresser where he’d promised to keep the lube, condoms, and latex gloves from now on. He’d claimed it was just less embarrassing to have them in the restroom than his mum finding them hidden in his bedroom, but Dan did not give a shit. They needed to be closer for future events.

Such as this one.

Once the items had been retrieved, Phil returned to the bed and dropped them next to where Dan was laying. Rather than joining Dan, however, Phil started to scramble out of his clothes, messily pulling his shirt over his head before beginning to shimmy out of his jeans and pants. Despite not wanting to move, Dan rolled over to follow Phil’s movements, and attempted to drag his own jeans off of his legs.

Phil finished undressing before Dan despite the fact that Dan already wasn’t wearing a shirt, and pressed in close to kiss him, preventing Dan from getting the jeans any further down than his thighs. Phil’s lips were wet and open as he showed Dan just how excited he was. The sight of his erect cock had been proof enough, but Dan wasn’t going to complain about the kiss when it felt so good. He hadn’t gotten nearly enough kisses from Phil today.

He’d arrived at noon at Manchester Piccadilly, and had spent the entire afternoon with Phil and his family, so there hadn’t really been anytime for making out. Dan was definitely content to make up for lost time now.

Dan continued to fumble with his jeans, though, desperate to have them off. His body was already surging with arousal, the memory of what it felt like to be with Phil both fresh and not fresh enough. He was so fucking ready to feel it again, to have it ingrained in his memory. Dan hoped one day there wouldn’t be enough time between intimate moments like this for Dan to forget how good Phil felt inside of him.

As Phil kissed Dan within an inch of his life, Dan struggled with his jeans, groping unattractively under Phil. His knees flailed a little, nearly jabbing Phil in a very, very sensitive place, but it only made Phil laugh and pull away. Dan’s cheeks were flushed in a combination of embarrassment and arousal, but he found himself smiling back at Phil anyway.

His boyfriend was doing that thing with his tongue where he bit down on it a little when he laughed, part of the cute little muscle sticking out the side of his mouth. It was absolutely adorable, and so fucking human that it made moments like these feel so much more real. When Dan and his ex used to have sex, it had always been a bit more awkward, a bit more clumsy, and with far less humor. The goal had been nothing more than getting off. Well, or trying to at least.

Sex with Phil was fun, though, and even being nearly kneed in the balls wasn’t enough to turn Phil off.

This was how sex should be.

“Here, let me help you,” Phil insisted, crawling off of Dan and reaching for his jeans. He was far more successful at getting the skin tight fabric free from Dan’s legs, but he wasn’t trying to do so while someone else kissed the life out of them. Dan chose not to comment, however, and once he was fully stripped of his clothes and completely naked, he reached for Phil once more and drew him into another kiss.

Phil’s body fit wonderfully against Dan’s. It had been nice when he’d been draped over Dan’s back earlier, and nice when he’d first climbed over Dan to kiss him, but being naked with Phil was something else entirely. The way their bodies seemed to fit was just perfection, skin on skin, and cocks rubbing against cocks. Dan’s hips undulated upwards as Phil’s rocked downwards, encouraging a little bit of frottage that they honestly never got to do nearly enough, all while Dan got his fill of Phil’s mouth.

Dan knew that once he rolled over, he wasn’t going to get to kiss Phil again for some time, so he was taking advantage of the moment. Phil wasn’t complaining, though, fingers rucking up through Dan’s hair and pulling lightly while they kissed, his bodyweight entirely rested on top of Dan so that he could touch him everywhere while they kissed.

Dan’s hands scrabbled at Phil’s waist, groping his bum a little because he never got to touch Phil there enough, and skimming up to tease at his lower back and his ribcage. Phil, true to his word so long ago, was very sensitive there, groaning into Dan’s neck and rocking his hips down particularly hard that time. The motion further encouraged Dan, who kept the movements of his fingers up, dancing alongside Phil’s ribs, and working him up into as much of a frenzy as Dan could manage.

His own cock was beginning to ache with arousal. The feeling of slick skin against slick skin was soon to be both too much and not enough, Dan was sure, but he thought he could put up with a bit more for the sake of staying in this moment. He quite liked how Phil felt against him, on top of him, grinding into him and shaking at the feeling of Dan’s fingers on his sides. Any chance to make Phil fall apart was a win in Dan’s book, and worth any kind of oversensitivity he might get as a result.

Besides. Even if the touches to his dick became too much, both Dan and Phil knew how to take care of Dan so that he’d finish anyway. It wasn’t the issue that Dan had always worried it would be, and he was eternally grateful.

Phil started to pant against Dan’s mouth, the kisses becoming more and more sloppy as Phil’s movements became a little less coordinated. Clearly giving up on making out, Phil trailed his lips across Dan’s chin, and started to nibble at his jaw.

“Are you trying to wind me up?” he asked, voice practically a growl. Dan had to restrain himself from biting out too loud of a sound in reaction to that, and nodded his head, deliberately running his hands along Phil’s ribs again.

“Is it working?” he whispered, the sound half a gasp. Phil groaned in response, and bit down harder on Dan’s jaw line.

Dan reached up to shove his hand into his mouth, slamming his eyes shut to prevent himself from whining loudly.

God, he wasn’t used to having to be discreet during sex. It had never felt as good as it did with Phil, so Dan had never really had cause to force himself to be silent before, but now, now. Phil was going to kill him.

Dan needed to shut up.

Chuckling as he noticed Dan’s move to silence himself, Phil trailed his mouth lower over Dan’s jaw, and down to his neck, where he pressed another few kisses before drawing away entirely.

Dan had to muffle a groan of protest, and stared up at Phil, wide eyed.

“Turn over,” Phil insisted. “I don’t think I can… God, Dan. I really want you.”

The words went straight to Dan’s dick. His balls curled up against him, so fucking full already, and pleasure ricocheted throughout his body. Dan’s body was wracked with a full body shudder as he moved to roll over. He knew exactly what Phil had stopped himself from saying.

He couldn’t wait any longer. But neither could Dan.

Who needed foreplay when he was about to be filled with Phil.

Besides, wasn’t two months without this kind of touch enough foreplay?

Once on his stomach, Dan shifted to get up on his hands knees. Phil reached around him to encourage Dan to rest on his elbows instead, pushing down on his low back to help get him into position, and forced Dan’s legs further apart. His touches were a little more rough than Phil usually allowed them to be (not that Dan minded), revealing just how turned on Phil currently was.

Dan hoped that meant Phil wouldn’t take it easy on him this time. Dan really wanted to know what it would feel like to have Phil completely fall apart inside of him.

“Try to stay like that or you might fall. I don’t want to hurt you,” Phil insisted. His voice was gravelly with desire as he shifted behind Dan, presumably grabbing a glove and the lube. Far beyond caring about the mess it could make to have anal sex, Dan didn’t say a word of complaint, and merely waited for Phil to get started.

He could feel goosebumps of anticipation forming on his skin already. He was shivering a little, tense with desire, cock beginning to twitch angrily between his legs. It had been so long since Dan had gotten off, now… he was so fucking ready for it.

Dan wondered if he’d go boneless like the first time, if his vision would black out and he’d give in to the natural desire to relax completely when his orgasm rushed over him, or if he’d muddle through it while he and Phil curled up together, mind very much so aware of the feeling coursing through him.

Dan whimpered at the thought, and had to shove his face into the sheets below him to muffle the sound.

“Shh,” Phil whispered. It sounded like he was grinning, or suppressing laughter. Dan was tempted to reach behind himself and flip Phil off.

But he wasn’t supposed to move. He was supposed to stay just like this… God, the thought of obeying Phil’s every order was hot. Maybe they should try that out sometime. Right now, though, Dan needed to focus on relaxing his body some, because he could hear the telltale sounds of Phil slicking up his fingers, and Dan was not in the mood for the prep to take all night.

One of Phil’s hands found Dan’s hip, nudging into the cleft and holding on tight, while his thumb reached down to spread Dan’s arse cheek and expose him to Phil’s sight, which always made Dan’s cheeks pink. It just seemed so… intimate.

Slowly, Phil began to circle a finger around Dan’s rim, and leaned in close to press a litter of kisses against the small of Dan’s back.

“Relax, sweetheart,” he whispered, “I’ve got you.”

The words sent a spark of affection and lust straight through Dan, who did his best to calm his body down enough to accept Phil’s finger. Dan wanted this so badly, however, it was difficult to do at first, and he ended up having to take a few deep breaths to untense his body. Phil waited patiently all the while, unwilling to press forward until he knew that Dan was comfortable.

Phil seemed to know Dan’s body pretty well though - or maybe he could just feel it - as the moment Dan relaxed, Phil pressed one finger inside, and began to stretch Dan open.

The feeling of Phil’s finger inside of Dan was never going to get old. Dan shoved his face into Phil’s bed at the first nudge of it against his walls, pleasure spiking through him faster and faster each time they did this. It was like Dan’s body knew what was coming and didn’t care to work itself up anymore, sending Dan head first into bliss before they’d even properly gotten started.

It made prepping him easier, though. Dan was coming to learn that the more they did this, the easier it would get, and the more frequently, the less tight Dan’s body would be. Overtime, it would start to tighten back up, but that was fine, because it wasn’t difficult to get it used to the feeling again. Dan had learned they would always need lube, though, and that condoms were the easiest source of clean up, even if bareback did sound good. Maybe someday.

Sinking into the feeling of Phil stretching him open, Dan did his best to muffle his sounds into Phil’s bed covers. He was still loud to his own ears, though, and a few times even heard Phil chuckle and shush him from behind, working diligently to prepare Dan for his cock. Dan felt kind of bad for being so loud, but it was hardly his fault.

Phil was the one who’d shown Dan what real pleasure could feel like.

As Phil moved to shift a second finger inside of Dan, and begin to press deeper inside, looking for that special spot inside of Dan, Dan started to grind his hips backwards. From this position, on his hands and knees, it was easier than ever before, and Dan moaned loudly into the bed.

“Dan!” Phil reprimanded, “You have to be quiet, baby. Come on, we don’t want my parents to hear you, right?” he added, partially teasing.

Dan gurgled in response, eyes rolling to the back of his head at the feeling of Phil inside of him. It was just so fucking good, and he knew he needed to shut the fuck up, but it was hard. It had been so long since Dan had gotten to feel this, and it was so much better than he’d remembered, so much better than his own awkward exploration when he’d tried the toy on himself. It sent intense waves of gratification up and down Dan’s body, making his cock ache as it hung between his legs, unable to even get any satisfaction by rubbing against the fabric of Phil’s sheets.

It was for the best. Dan could feel himself starting to dribble precum, leaking onto the covers beneath him, and he really didn’t want to get over sensitive before Phil had even had a chance to fuck him like he’d promised.

Forehead beaded with sweat, hair probably a fucking mess, Dan nonetheless ground his hips backwards harder still. Dan wondered for a moment how he looked to Phil, if Phil was staring at him with lust filled eyes, or if he was humping the air unconsciously with the desire to be inside of Dan.

The thought sent another wave of arousal through Dan’s veins, and he did his best to muffle a grandiose moan into the sheets.

“Holy fuck, Dan, I haven’t even found your prostate yet,” Phil grunted. His lips, which had left Dan’s body to focus on the task at hand, returned, biting down on the little dip in Dan’s back, and sucking a mark there. Phil’s mouth was harsh and wet, and it was obvious he was beside himself with desire for Dan. The thought made Dan moan again, shoving himself backwards even harder on Phl’s fingers.

Finally, the pads rubbed against Dan’s prostate, waking the nerves up, and causing Dan to dig his nails so hard into Phil’s bedsheets he thought he was going to tear them. It took monumental effort it took to stay noiseless .

“That’s it,” Phil whispered, “That’s it, baby. Fuck yourself on me,” he gasped, still mouthing along Dan’s back, lips trailing up further, and then back down, until he was back where he’d started, nibbling on the same bit of skin he’d first marked. Dan imagined it would be a horrible, wonderful purple by the time they were finished tonight, but he didn’t care. It just meant Dan would go home with a reminder of Phil seared into his skin. He’d have to make sure his shirt didn’t ride up in front of Phil’s family, though.

The words, though, the words were… a lot. Phil hadn’t tried to hard to talk dirty to Dan since they’d messed around on Skype, always seeming either too overwhelmed or too in control to say much to Dan. Now, though, it was like that guy Dan had thought was a fucking sex god was back, and it was beyond seductive. Phil was fucking hot, provocative not just in his movements, and his touch, but in his words, too, and Dan didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky.

Now that Phil had found his prostate, he didn’t seem inclined to move away from it. He quirked his fingers to rub roughly against the bundle of nerves, pressing deeper and deeper inside of Dan still, all while Dan did his best to keep up the rocking motion of hips and keep the satisfying feeling of fucking Phil’s fingers surging through him. His eyes were closed, breathing a goddamn wreck as he panted into Phil’s bedsheets, a constant stream of nonsense falling from his lips.

Phil wasn’t shushing him this time, so Dan assumed he was doing a pretty good job of keeping hushed.

Phil finger fucking him seemed to last forever. For a moment, Dan was so lost to the sensation that he was starting to wonder if he wasn’t going to get that prostate massage after all, but eventually, Phil pulled his fingers free, much to the displeasure of Dan, and rolled the glove off his hand.

The sound of a condom wrapper opening, followed by the bottle of lube, sent another shiver of desire up Dan’s spine.

He wondered if Phil’s hands were shaking, and groaned into the bed.

“Fuck. You’re such a fucking cockslut, Dan,” Phil rasped, voice fucking wrecked. “So fucking ready for me, aren’t you? Can’t fucking wait,” he added, gasping the words out as his hand slipped over his dick. Dan could hear the wet sounds of Phil jerking himself off, and whined as he shoved his face further into the bed, and thrusted his arse backwards in an attempt to entice Phil.

Clearly it worked.

Phil let out a growl at the sight, and finally reached for Dan again. One hand found Dan’s ribs, holding him still, as Phil’s cock head nudged at Dan’s rim, already beginning to spread it open lightly. Dan shuddered at the sensation, fucking gagging for it. Phil felt so good against him. He wasn’t lying against Dan the way he’d laid on him the last time they’d fucked in a similar position, but he seemed to be standing on his knees, ready to fuck into Dan the way Dan had seen pornstars do it. Dan couldn’t deny that the mental image sent another shock of desire through him that nearly caused him to throw his head back, but he forced it to stay planted firmly against Phil’s bed lest he scream out Phil’s name.

“God, you look good like this,” Phil gasped, rocking against Dan, but not quite pushing in just yet. “Wish you could see yourself…” Phil let out a soft grunting noise that bordered on a moan, a sound of which Dan treasured. He felt his mouth loll open, and felt himself beginning to drool, but there was really no stopping it at that point.

Phil had completely and utterly destroyed Dan, and he hadn’t even pressed inside of him yet.

“Actually fucking you is so much better than watching myself fuck you,” Phil admitted, and finally started to press inside of Dan. The combination of words, the confession that Phil still watched their inadvertent sex type, and the sensation of Phil stretching Dan open with his cock, forced another lewd noise out of Dan that Phil had to shush. Dan couldn’t seem to help it, though. He had next to no control over the volume of his voice at this point, let alone whatever came out of it, and it was, when it came right down to it, Phil’s. Fucking. Fault.

Dan wasn’t going to say that, though, because that would mean Phil not fucking him, and hell if they were going to get this far without the main event.

Just as slowly as ever, Phil pushed inside of Dan, rocking his hips gently and trying his best not to hurt him. Over the sound of Dan’s own loud breathing, he thought he could hear Phil grunting, holding his breath and gritting his teeth as he fought to maintain control. As much as Dan appreciated it, he couldn’t wait for Phil to let go in a moment.

He hoped to god that Phil would let go.

Each slow push of Phil’s cock into Dan was near torture. The sparks of pleasure were amazing, but Dan knew they could be so much better, and he wanted to get to the part where Phil fucked him already. At the same time, everything felt so good that Dan couldn’t, in his right mind, complain. He just wanted to live in this moment forever.

He couldn’t believe he’d missed out on this for two fucking months. How dare the universe keep this from him? Didn’t it know how wonderful this felt? Clearly not.

By the time Phil stopped moving, hips flush with Dan’s arse, Dan was already a little bit out of his mind, and completely out of breath. Phil’s hands had both moved to grip tight to Dan’s hips, the touch much rougher than it had ever been before. Phil’s breathing was uneven and far breathier than normal, hinting that Phil was losing it too, and Dan could feel the edges of his vision beginning to blur, even in the darkness of the covers where he’d pressed his face.

The world was shaking, just a little bit. Or was that Dan?

“God, Dan,” Phil groaned. His vocabulary seemed to be reduced to nothing more than that. He ended up grunting out another sound, but no words formed, and Phil’s hips jerked a little, but remained mostly in place.

Why wasn’t Phil fucking him yet?

Dan shoved his arse backwards, reveling in the way it made Phil whimper, and did it again, and again, and again, because he was sick of waiting.

Phil leaned over Dan’s body and nipped his shoulder.

“Gonna fuck you,” Phil grunted.

When he pulled back, Dan couldn’t help whimpering in protest. He liked how it felt to have Phil towering over him, covering Dan’s body with his own. All thought of protest fled his mind, however, when Phil started to move.

Phil’s hips jerked back, a little uncontrolled, and then shoved back in, the pace unexpected and rather sudden, even for Dan. It wasn’t bad though. No, far from it. It was fucking sexy, and Dan had to muffle his cries of pleasure into Phil’s bedsheets as Phil set a brutal pace.

The sound of their skin slapping together echoed in the little room. Dan wondered if it was this loud anywhere else, but couldn’t focus long enough to worry, because Phil was giving Dan exactly what he’d wanted. He wasn’t taking it easy, he wasn’t taking it slow. This was raw, and desperate, and good. So fucking good.

Everything with Phil was good.

Dan wanted to fucking worship him.

Tears sprang to Dan’s eyes as pleasure coursed through him, building faster and faster with each passing moment. The feeling was different from when Phil had fucked him more calmly the last few times, far more in control then than he was now, but it wasn’t necessarily a better different. It was just different. In the same way Phil fucking him had felt different to Dan fucking his ex-girlfriend, in terms of the way the pleasure built inside of him, Phil fucking Dan like this felt different.

Just as good, but far more unexpected.

Dan didn’t know what was going to happen. All he knew was that Phil better not run out of energy before he’d fucked Dan to orgasm, or Dan thought he might strangle him (later, when Dan was a bit more sound of mind, he’d take that back, because he knew that Dan was much harder to please as a lover than most others, but in that moment, Dan didn’t give a damn).

Phil’s thrusts seemed to speed up as the moments slipped by, his hips slamming faster and faster into Dan’s, cock brushing against Dan’s inner walls with increasing tension. He hadn’t quite found Dan’s prostate yet, which was a bit frustrating, so Dan started to shift his hips around in the hope that he could help Phil find it.

Phil didn’t protest. He tightened his fingers around Dan’s hips, but let him move as he would. Phil was gasping, hands sweaty, and movements a little less coordinated than Dan was used to. The rhythm was off, especially when Dan seemed to get a hold of himself enough to start fucking Phil back, mostly just stuttery and overall messy.

It didn’t matter, though. It only seemed to add to the moment for Dan. Phil’s balls were slapping against him, and Phil had completely lost control. It was a side of Phil that Dan wanted to see more of in the future, even though he did love the affectionate, sweet Phil that he was starting to see more and more of these days as well. He loved that side of Phil dearly. In terms of sex, though, Dan wanted to see every version of Phil he could get.

Finally, Dan seemed to shift into just the right position, and Phil’s dick started to rub against his prostate with every thrust. The feeling increased Dan’s pleasure tenfold, and he practically howled into Phil’s bedsheets, preventing the sound from traveling by biting down hard on his bottom lip, and shoving his face so roughly into the bed that he nearly stopped his own breathing. Phil let out a whimpery little gasping sound in reaction, making it clear that he’d heard Dan’s noise, and began to fuck him harder, holding Dan tightly in place so Phil drove his cock into the same spot over and over and over.

Phil’s fingers started to spasm on Dan’s hips as his orgasm neared. It was a tell Dan was becoming familiar with, and one that made his heart swoop with disappointment. Phil, who’d been holding himself up on his knees, collapsed onto Dan’s back, shifting so that his hips were more angled, brushing against his prostate instead of hitting it, so that Phil could hold himself up a little while he fucked into Dan. Dan didn’t complain, so long as Phil didn’t stop fucking him.

He knew that was going to become a problem soon, though. Phil’s thrusts had become completely uncoordinated, and so sloppy that he was pressed inside of Dan more often then he was out. That building pressure in Dan’s abdomen was still building, faster than ever before, and yet not peaking like Dan had thought it would. It just kept going, burning like molten heat in his stomach and making Dan feel so close to oversensitive but not quite. Instead, he just felt overwhelmed with the desire to touch himself.

He didn’t, though. He wanted to hold onto this moment, wanted to come untouched like he had every other time with Phil, wanted to keep himself from tipping over into that horrible place where the orgasm ebbed away forcefully, suddenly, and left Dan feeling raw to the bone. He wanted the feeling to keep building, and he wanted to tumble over the otherside with no further help.

Phil moaned against Dan’s neck.

“Can-Can’t Dan, I’m gonna…”

Dan whined, upset at the words. Phil had held out so well for him the last few times. Dan didn’t want Phil to come before him, didn’t want Phil to stop fucking him, and yet at the same time, Dan knew it was inevitable. He shoved his face into the covers, and relaxed further, nodding his head as best as he could to let Phil know it was okay.

Phil groaned in relief, and started to fuck Dan harder, grinding his hips into Dan’s, and letting himself become even more uncontrolled. His dick pressed deeper and deeper into Dan, and as Phil refused to pull back and thrust properly anymore, Dan knew Phil’s orgasm was coming.

When it washed over him, Phil bit down on Dan’s shoulder with an almost-too-loud moan that Dan would never tire of hearing, and slumped on top of Dan.

Dan, for his part, collapsed onto the bed, disappointed. He hadn’t even known if he was close, but he hadn’t wanted to stop, and -

“Get on top of me,” Phil insisted, breathless. Dan felt his body shake as he tried to roll off of Dan, gasping as he managed it and collapsed on the bed next to him. “Dan - fucking - ride me!”

Cock throbbing between his legs, Dan did his best to scramble on top of Phil and do as he’d been told, the idea growing inside of Dan and making his cock twitch between this legs. His thighs shook and he nearly fell on top of Phil in his rush to mount him, but Dan was too fucking gone to care. He didn’t look back, he merely reached behind himself blindly and wrapped his fingers around the latex covered cock, and did his best to ignore what the condom most likely had on it.

Now was not the time to worry about that. Now was the time to find release.

Shifting his hips backwards, and trying to find the right position without Phil’s help, Dan did his best to nudge Phil’s cock back inside of him. It took a lot more work than Dan would have liked it to have, but Phil was completely out of it below him, eyes closed, fringe pushed back in a quiff, face red and covered in sweat.

Dan couldn’t expect anything from Phil post orgasm like that.

But he was definitely going to ride Phil to his own orgasm.

Finally managing to get the angle right, Dan shifted his hips down, and groaned as Phils cock filled him. Hands now officially unsanitary, even after wiping them on the covers, Dan bit down hard on his bottom lip to maintain his noises, and started to ride Phil in earnest, bracing himself with both palms pressed firmly to Phil’s thighs.

The sounds Phil made in response were…. tantalizing. The seemingly unconscious, breathy little whimpers shook Dan to his core as he fucked himself down on Phil’s cock, riding him as best as he could when his thighs were twitching and his body was clenching down, ready to come. His orgasm was right there, right there, Dan was sure of it, he just couldn’t quite find it.

Dan couldn’t believe Phil was allowing Dan to ride him like this. Dan couldn’t even begin to imagine how overstimulated Phil must be. He’d just come, and with every little whimper Dan became more and more aware of what Phil was giving Dan in order for Dan to come. He couldn’t be any more grateful.

Dan’s prostate was hiding from him, making reaching oragasm even harder. Dan didn’t have it in him to go on a proper search, though, so he merely fucked himself on Phil, and let it all happen. His hands landed on the bed on either side of Phil’s body as Dan pitched forward, angling his body more to take more of Phil’s dick, and really got himself going. Dan could hear the slick slide of Phil in and out of him, could feel the way his body was gaping around Phil, and it was good, it was so good.

Dan just wanted to come. He never wanted this feeling to end but at the same time he wanted that release, that feeling of euphoria exploding through his veins, that wonderful sensation of an ending that made his toes curl and his breath catch in his throat.

He just needed a little more. A little more, fuck, please, please.

Dan bit so hard on his bottom lip that he started to bleed. He could taste it. But it was the only way to keep himself muffled without shoving a dirty hand into his mouth, and even if Dan was half out of his mind with pleasure, there was no way he was doing that.

Phil would just have to kiss it better later.

Heat coiled tighter and tighter inside of Dan, buliding beyond a place Dan thought it could build. His cock was weeping between his legs, desperate to come, and Dan couldn’t blame it. He was desperate too. He wanted nothing more than release, but it was so fucking hard.

Dan would have felt bad for Phil if he weren’t so busy feeling bad for himself.

And then it happened. Dan shoved his hips backwards onto Phil’s cock, and consequently struck his prostate dead on. His eyes flew open as he gasped, the sound next to breathless, and empty.

Dan felt his vision start to blur, and his head go light and dizzy, that familiar tug in his abdomen pulling tight, as release washed over him. The feeling was like a punch in the stomach, pulling Dan under before he could properly see it coming. His dick twitched and spurted as he came all over Phil’s stomach and chest, his body melting as heat surged through his veins.

Dan groaned, releasing his bottom lip, as he pitched forward on top of Phil, and rode his arse backwards to work himself through his orgasm. He could feel his thigh muscles tightening up and beginning to cramp, but even that was adding to the sensation of pleasure coursing through Dan’s body, making the high that much better, as Dan panted against Phil’s neck. His toes curled as he fucked himself down one last time, forcing Phil to bury his cock deep, and relaxed, breathless, on top of his boyfriend.

Everything about the orgasm was better than Dan had remembered, everything about Phil’s body pressed tight to his, and his cock buried deep, was better than the last time. God, had Dan missed this. Dan never wanted to let this go, never wanted to pull away from Phil or go another day without him.

But he knew he would have to. At least for a little while longer.

If Phil’s words could be believed, then one day, they’d live together and never have to leave each other’s sides again.

Below him, Phil let out a huge sigh as he reached up to wrap his arms around Dan’s body, dragging him in closer still.

“Fuck,” he croaked out.

Dan laughed, the sound giddy and out of it, as he pressed a kiss to whatever part of Phil he was currently laying on top of.

“Fuck, indeed,” Dan agreed. He tucked his face against the crook of Phil’s neck, and kissed his neck lazily. “God, Phil, that was hot.”

Phil hummed, turning his head to drop a kiss on top of Dan’s head. “Not as hot as you are.”

Dan rolled his eyes. Phil was chuckling softly at his own lame joke, and Dan was grinning, because Phil… Phil was something special. He made sex feel like something they could joke about, and something they could relax from in each others arms without any awkward worries or conversations afterwards.

Then Dan remembered the state of his hands, and the fact that he’d wiped them all over Phil’s bed, and he giggled.

“Wait until you see the mess we’ve made.”

Phil groaned, but his arms tightened around Dan’s body, so he figured Phil didn’t really mind. Dan allowed himself to snuggle further down against Phil’s chest, but he did his best to refrain from touching Phil with his dirty hands.

They were really going to need a shower in a second.

Before Dan could so much as fully process that thought, a knock came at Phil’s bedroom door. Phil tensed underneath Dan, and Dan felt his heart stop dead in his chest.

This was it. This was the moment. Phil’s parents had heard, and Dan and Phil were fucked. Dan sucked in a terrified breath, convinced Mrs. Lester was going to ask to see them downstairs, and then Dan was going to be sent on his merry way, home far earlier than Dan had wanted.

Had the sex been worth their time being cut short?

Now was not that time for Dan to ask himself that.

“Hey loverboy, dinner’s ready. Hurry up and get cleaned up before you come down. You’re lucky mum sent me up rather than coming herself, and you’re lucky I’m used to hearing you with your paramours or I’d be far less inclined to knock on your door before mum came looking herself. Glad this one’s at least staying.”

It took a moment for the realization that it was Martyn at the door to sink in, and even longer for Dan to understand what he’d actually said, but once he did, he found himself melting instantly on top of Phil. Phil groaned, his neck turning a deep shade of red, as he, too, let Martyn’s words sink in.

“We’ll be out in a sec!” Phil shouted back, voice high pitched with embarrassment. He didn’t acknowledge anything else that Martyn had said, but Martyn didn’t call him out for it. Instead, he laughed, the sound fading away as he very clearly retreated back downstairs.

Dan, high on the fact that they’d hopefully gotten away with the events of the evening, just snuggled further into Phil, and laughed, because the entire moment just felt so fucking surreal.

“So… you brought a lot of boys home, then?”

Phil groaned again, and shoved Dan off of him, face and neck such a dark shade of red that Dan almost felt bad for teasing him.

Almost.

“What, your family all seem to be pretty happy I’m not just another one night stand,” Dan taunted, though there was a part of him that was overjoyed with that fact too.

“Dan!” Phil reprimanded, turning to frown at him, despite the fact that he looked embarrassed as fuck. “I - just - don’t mention that!”

Rather than agreeing, Dan just laughed.

Like hell was he giving up that kind of fodder for the future. Dan was going to hold that one over Phil’s head for the rest of his life. Dan arched his neck, and pressed a soft kiss to Phil’s lips, giggling against his mouth, and wishing they could just stay here.

But they had a dinner to attend, and some clean up to take care of before they went down. Besides, Dan really, really needed to get himself back on Phil’s parents’ good side, because he had a terrible feeling they hadn’t managed to be quiet at all.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phanfictioncatalogue #phandom #phan

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