#first of all tell me youre a boring sociopath without telling me youre a boring sociopath

[futuremercifulnerd]

Currently typing this in the bathroom like the hostage i am right now: i will not be working on my lil comic because i am cursed to constantly be involved with the child, i will never have my own kids, this is not the life for me lmao

[biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer]

Hello!! I just want to say first that your writing is extremely wonderful and very talented, I truly enjoy reading your writing !!

I was wondering if you can write headcanons and thoughts in everyone in The Kid at The Back if they encounter a stern and cold MC/Reader , heck even more colder than Geo ! :)

Frore (All x Cold! MC/Reader)

So...basically, turns out if a request relates to either IRL me or my MC I go berserk??? Yippee???

ALSO, ASK BOX AND REQUESTS ARE CLOSED UNTIL MY INBOX IS EMPTIED, THANK YOU.

- Signed by biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer

Frore: frozen; frosty.

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When you’d first stepped into the bleak, soulless halls of Olympieus University, you felt a strange familiarity amongst the numbing lifelessness that everyone amongst you seemed to possess. If your heart – the one that continues to relentlessly pound inside your torso – had been exposed to the world, cleaved open and picked apart, it would be just as gracelessly chilled and still as this wretched place.

As your days there turned into years, you were depicted as a sociopath, as an allegedly heartless and callous soul that had grown vehemently hateful and bitter over the years. You couldn’t care whether you were revered or resented by the masses, for you were here to rewin your place at your former school. To retake the No. 1 spot, to reclaim what once belonged to you. What should’ve stayed yours.

Unfortunately, now you stand amongst your acquaintances, people whose existence you’d but merely heard of. You wonder briefly, if these would be the people whom you’d develop an alien sense of fondness for.

And with time, you realised you had…

By the time Sol had talked to you for the first time, he’d already painted a magnum opus of your character.

He knew you were a frore soul, one who held a prowess for hiding, stifling or exsanguinating emotions, or any form of intense feeling from situations; no matter how extreme or bizarre.

He could tell, from the moment you spoke to him in that cold, crystal-clear voice, that you were significantly more aloof than the average person, you bore no shyness, no sense of boredom, just a monotone efficacy that he found himself respecting, (along with finding immensely hot, ironically enough).

You, to him, were a mystery. Sure, he’d overheard things about you, either from classmates or Hyugo, but he wanted to learn things about you from you.

In all honesty, he was definitely pretty fucking intimidated when you first approached him, which – mind you – is an extremely rare occurrence for him; but he gathered that you were simply a tough nut to crack and he was going to wait as long as possible to gain your favour and eventual love.

When he notices how bluntly and swiftly you deal with problems, how nonchalantly you brush off insults or rumours and how you’re so uncaring towards the opinions of others? Oh my God, he’s cumming awed.

He eagerly awaits the days where you drop little tidbits of info about yourself, and even more so the days where he coaxes a little smile or wide-eyed expression from you. Any day where he learns something about you is entirely worth it, no matter how boring it may have been.

Overtime begins to form a genuine bond with you, and as you warm up to him, he slowly begins to show his more affectionate side.

And after a while, you learn to reciprocate. You don’t have to smile, or blush, or anything. Just a hug from you, one that he knows is meaningful, is more than enough.

Will probably just end up stating he likes you without any bullshitting or beating around the bush; he knows you’re more head-on and straight forward, so he’ll do the same.

If, heh, sorry, when you accept, he’ll just die. Of bliss. You will have to just ask him several times if he requires emergency assistance, but he can’t hear you over the sound of his throbbing dick heart. He’s gonna be a beetroot while you’re just…chill.

Won’t try to make you show emotion if you’re just not the type of person who does (or can) do so. He knows you well enough that you’re genuine, and if you come off harsher than intended? It’s okay, he understands. Nothing you do can shake him off anyway. <3

When Hyugo first became acquainted with you, he honestly thought you must be a secret brain-twin of Geo’s, considering your deadpan tone and expressionless face.

In a way, you immediately intrigued him. You weren’t trying to appear mysterious or enigmatic, this was simply who you were. And if there’s anything Hyugo enjoys, it's being a detective. Solving enigmas, cracking open mysteries. You were the perfect puzzle for him.

When you ended up being in the same art class as him, he was pretty pleased. Considering how he often had access to plenty of gossip outlets who dubbed you as a bitch or a pick-me for not acting ‘normal’; having you – the real you – in the flesh was incredibly satisfying. He relished in the fact that he could either prove or dismiss the piles of ‘evidence’ that people claimed to have against you.

Hyugo’s a pretty charismatic person, so he tries to befriend you, but you seem to take a more hostile approach to this; immediately raising all walls and shields. It made him wonder whether this was due to you having nasty past experiences, or if this was simply who you were. Another mystery.

Fortunately, if you decide that these advances of his weren’t to harm or hinder you, you seem to become a lot more approachable. In your own way, which tends to be a more logical, blunt sense of approval.

When you request to start sitting with him, he’s pretty happy; despite how you’re a walking talking enigma, he grew to like you as a person as well. You felt more genuine than a lot of other people he’s acquainted with, and that is a big green flag for him.

Overall he’s pretty accepting of your nature, although it does irk him secretly that you’re harder to read. Until he decides that he’s not gonna bother, after all, he did grow up alongside a Subaru Oogami. 

He only develops feelings when you start opening up to him, and he notices the little faces you make when you’re amused or concerned. He finds them adorable, in a way.

He deems it very rewarding when you bless him with information about yourself, or a hint of any form of approval or respect. It feels like fulfilling a goal, and he’s very much a goal-driven person. It’s like tunnel-vision for him.

He doesn’t know when he exactly felt your friendship blossom into something ‘more’, but he feels like you’re a person – despite your lack of emotional expression, tone (and perhaps knowledge) – who is smart, kind and honest.

He’ll probably try to avoid confessing for a while (he can’t tell if you like him back lmfao), but when he eventually decides to just get it over with and you reciprocate? He’s astounded.

Even if you stated how you felt with the flattest tone imaginable, he’d know, deep down, it was serious.

He’d just be a flushed mess and you’re just slightly blushing. Either way, when you’re in a relationship, not only can he determine very easily that you’re not a bitch, but also that you’re just a very epic individual. <3

Brittney was more so unnerved when she first met you, she was honestly worried you were going to point a gun to her head and blow her brains out.

You just had that menacing emptiness in your eyes and the most nonchalant air about you. She didn’t know how to perceive you; not even Geo was this monotone.

Would mostly avoid you for the most part, until you joined the friend group. Would be silently yelling at Crowe the whole time. It’s not that she dislikes you, it’s just…you’re very peculiar to her. She’s not a fan when she doesn’t have the ability to instantly gain a read on someone.

If you decide to start talking to her, she’s gonna be utilising her confident facade to the utmost extreme, she refuses to appear nervous in front of you.

After a while, when you’ve started warming up to the group – like they to you – Brit decides that you’re just a bit socially awkward and don’t intend to come off as unapproachable as you are. Part of her feels a bit bad for making assumptions about you, but she’s surrounded by the goss, it's gonna paint a picture.

Starts talking to you more, and overtime realises you’re actually very interesting to talk to. You’ve got personality, intellect, sarcasm. She’s honestly very pleased her group was the one you chose to join.

If you get harassed by bullies, and don’t let it get to you, or better yet, defend yourself? She’s going to have a fuckton of respect for you.

Asks you what music you like, you guys end up forming a partnership of exchanging songs and makeup tutorials.

Doesn’t realise it until too late, but she’s really into you. Your confidence, boldness and relatability is very appealing to her. You also have enough self-respect to hold your own in a destructive, sabotaging environment like Olympieus; and that makes her feel a bit inferior to you. For the most part, she’s keeping up a mask. You make her feel secure, weirdly enough.

Will be very hesitant on sharing her feelings for you, knowing how great you are at revealing yours, but if she gets a hint that you like her back, she’ll just get it over and done with.

Is so stunned you felt the same that the only thing she thought of doing was a cunty-ass hairflip.

When in a relationship, she’ll probably ask you to be slightly less stone-faced, and if you show even little bits of emotion or expression, she’ll be extremely satisfied. Will do her best for you as well. <33

110% will ask how you achieved such levels of self-assurance; you both will also be the types to exchange life advice out of nowhere when watching a shitty romcom. :))))

Jess is legitimately terrified of you; my girl is best friends with Gyaru-Gossip-Girlboss Brittney Claire, she’s going to hear at least 21 times about how allegedly never made a single face expression except for pure rage or disgust. 

Will begin to wonder how you turned out that way, ends up becoming incredibly curious about you. She impulsively decides to ask her online friends for advice on how to approach you, realises the next day she’s too scared to take it.

Will honestly meet you through coincidence, and by coincidence I mean you’re in a class or two together.

Ends up realising you’re genuinely smart, albeit a little cocky, doesn’t know how to feel about it. Ends up feeling panic when she ends up sitting next to you one day, after being late due to traffic.

You both actually end up getting along quite decently, so you end up sitting together for the rest of the semester, and eventually, by decision of Crowe Ichabod, you start sitting with her group at lunch.

By this point she probably just feels high levels of respect for you. Well, until she gets a lower mark than her usual 80%s. She’s on the verge of tearing up, until you ask if she wants tutoring. That’s how you guys started texting, and we know Jess is 110% not shy online.

It’s because of aforementioned tutoring and texting that she develops actual feelings for you, won’t realise it until much later though.

It’ll be Brit who ends up getting you both together, either through sheer luck or a lot of pushing on both sides, it somehow happens.

When you walk up to her and ask to speak to her privately, she’s immensely paranoid. That is until you confess very aloofly how you feel.

My girl is just torn, she is shooketh. Then she becomes a stuttering mess and can’t speak to save her life. To her this is both a miracle and a WTF moment.

When she states how she feels about you, you’re just chill about it. When you both start dating though, she’s entirely used to your demeanour, although she does get a smidge paranoid about what you’re thinking at times. You’re gonna have to frequently reassure and remind her that you’re happy to be with her; and don’t fret, she’s also ecstatic she has you. <33

Geo first met you when Crowe introduced you to him and the others, and he did not give a single fuck. You didn’t either. You both essentially avoided one another unless you had to interact, which was a 1/1,000,000 chance if at all.

He only started paying attention to your existence when he noticed you were getting picked on by a bunch of troglodytes. Knowing that you were friends with his friends, he was somewhat prepared to step in if needed; yet your response was unblinkingly, emotionlessly staring into their eyes, grabbing the leaders’ wrist and flexing your arm. 

The guy was honestly a smidge unnerved by how much strength you had, and the fact that those people didn’t fuck with you again made him feel an ounce of respect. 

Your conversations only started when you realised you’d gotten somewhat closer with the others. Sure, you could ignore his existence, but you’re not a pussy, are you? Striding over to him, a cold, machine-like rhythm in your steps, you ask him about himself. He, as you expected, doesn’t answer and glares down at you; so you glared right the fuck back, his distaste matching perfectly with your ornery.

Your relationship only improved because of a mutual respect you had for each other. Sure, you both didn’t get along that well, but each person knew the other was competent, intelligent and able to handle themselves.

And so, overtime, the both of you found a weird solace in one-anothers’ relatability. There was no need for filler conversation, you could simply lean against trees together in serene calm.

Geo would only become truly invested when he notices how little you’ve cracked. If he was a geode (heh, get it?), you were like Minecraft bedrock.

Not that he minded, it simply was a weird anomaly, having someone be colder and more reticent than him.

Would start developing feelings when you stand up for one of his friends, most likely offering to help Brittney or Jess. Not that you deemed them weak, but you just utilising your reputation to get some people off of their asses was…nice. 

You made people genuinely paranoid, and if you pretended like these protective acts weren't from a place of goodwill? It worked wonders. You were the Robin Hood of bullies, you bashed them up and defended their targets to the end.

Of course, Geo isn’t the type to readily accept he likes you, so anything blossoming between you two will take fucking ages. Crowe and Brit will have to be wing(wo)men for you both, seriously.

Advances of his would consist of him being more snarky with you, more intrusive in knowing what you’re doing, ensuring your safety consistently…acts of service, mixed with a strange overprotectiveness. You didn’t know how to feel about it, or him (denial is a river in fucking Egypt).

You’ll have to be the one to confess, and thank God it’s done privately, or you’d have never seen Geo have a faint pink blush dust his pallid face, or him trying to compose himself when he quietly accepts and reciprocates his emotions and feelings for you.

You’re both black cats that just hiss at everybody else, only softening up when in the presence of the other and being content in one-another’s soft company. No bullshitting, nothing overtly emotional, just upfront, genuine feelings with a smidge of quality time and doing each others’ hair and makeup. <33

When Crowe was first acquainted with you, during both your first years at Olympieus, he was intrigued by your guarded posture and stoicism. He’s the friendly type, so he knew he’d end up introducing himself one way or another to you; and as soon as he found himself face to face with you? He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit nervous. 

Your eyes bore through him, deep and lifeless. It was as if sheets of ice had abandoned your eyes in pitch-black darkness; rendering the true colours and liveliness trapped beyond unbounding walls of cynicism.

He’d been all smiles at the time, but as soon as your mutual introductions had ended, he was almost convinced you wanted him dead. Your answers had been quick and sharp, like a bullet popping during a quiet night.

When you were put in the same class together, he decided to observe you. He didn’t know why, he just felt this innate urge to learn more about you.

You weren’t shy, he picked up on that quite quickly, judging by your authoritarian aura. What he also picked up, is you tended to be very closed off to people whom you deemed as ingenuine or shallow.

He decided he wanted to get past those beliefs of yours and see what lay behind those gelid eyes, and over the span of the next few years, he did.

Nowadays you were still stoic and firmly logical, but you were well-meaning, funny and kind. Hell, you were smart as a whip, there isn’t much he could say to take you down a notch. You’re extraordinary to him.

And well, one day he realises the feelings and sheer pedestal he’s put you on aren’t…exactly platonic. The racing of his heart when you cock your head at him, that squeeze when you bemusedly smile. He ended up going from inquiring to worshipping. He couldn’t even determine where this had come from.

Luckily, a distraction would be to have his friends meet you! He can admire you from afar and have you close by, he’s lost count of how many times you both have had to move hangouts to study.

What he didn’t realise, was you’d also developed feelings for him. Potent ones; and with the help of a certain Brittney Claire, along with plenty of obvious hints, you ask Crowe out. He’s a tad embarrassed he didn’t end up being the one to ask, but he’s blushing hard anyway.

When you guys are together, he’ll ask you how you prefer to address issues, communicate etc. Your boundaries, hobbies, kinks are talked about with each other, and you both thrive on being honest and upfront. Don't worry though, he’ll still be poetic and a romantic-at-heart. ;]

Deryl is honestly excited when he first meets you (most likely through Crowe). Similarly to Hyugo, you remind him of Geo; and he’s a pretty big fan of Geo.

To him, the coldest people are often the nicest deep down, and beneath their icy exterior possess the most opulent hearts of gold.

So he makes an effort to befriend you, slowly of course, he doesn’t want to push his luck. His curiosity and need for stubborn cat-like friends is powering him through the days of you bluntly telling him to either leave you be or to ask him about himself. He knows you’re steering the topic away, but he’ll let you. For now.

Will ask you if you play(ed) any sports, and depending on your answer will either excitedly ask about your experiences/roles/team position, or query whether you’ve just not had the time, chance or interest.

Will offer to teach you sports as a sort of hangout activity. He doesn’t care if you’re shit at it, he wants to try and see how you act in different situations. Turns out he’s quite perspicacious when it comes to reading people. That’s kinda when he deems you as a not-asshole.

Over time you both (mostly you) warm up to one-another, and you one day offer Deryl some candy. Bad idea. Scratch that, horrible idea.

It made you like him a bit more, weirdly enough. It helped you realise that he wasn’t acting friendly for the sake of it (at least, not with the friend group), and he was just a massive goofball.

You felt a weird fondness for him at that point, and every now and then when he’d ask if you wanted to hang out, you made sure to pretend to think it through before silently nodding. The shock and eagerness on his face made the days just slightly better.

Soon enough, he comes to the conclusion that he also holds feelings for you, quite strong ones, in fact. He’s pretty distraught at first, but then decides to ask the almighty Geo for advice. Not love, that…isn’t exactly a topic Geo specialises in, but more so how to approach such a matter with you. Geo just shrugs in response (he’s such a mood).

However, Deryl, knowing the type of person you were, decides it’d be best if he just mustered up the strength and told you. Running away from the feelings would work for a while, but he just hoped you wouldn’t be too repulsed.

When he gets his feelings off his chest, it’s like a weight was lifted from your soul. You deemed yourself far too unapproachable, too monotone for someone as lively as him; but hey, opposites attract, right?

After you nonchalantly reciprocate, it takes him a hot second to process the positive response, and he’s a ball of pure joy and energy. He’s ecstatic, actually, it’s like a burden had been thrown off of his shoulders.

During the process of you two dating, you’re compared to the ‘Black Cat + Golden Retriever’ shipping trope, and he’s content with that. It’s not a lie, after all. (You just don’t care lmfao). He learnt across the span of your friendship-turned-relationship a lot of gestures or movements which indicated how you felt. 

My guy is as supportive as you can get to be honest, his logic is “If nobody is hurt, it’s okay.” You’re a priority of his, and he knows you won’t screw him over. 

You can sleep well knowing these things: Deryl’s loyal, he’s respectful and he’s a fucking sweetheart.

[imbadatusernames2]

I was bored so I put Batfam into a random incorrect quote generator and I have never had this much fun

Duke, not yet familiar with the family lore: Duke: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say! jason: You should say something else. Bruce to his friends (aka his children, exes and coworkers): bruce : I am not a lunatic. I have the psychiatric report to prove it. A slender majority of the panel decided in my favour.

Don't have to even say anything about this one: dick as a child: I can’t wait to grow up and have cool adventures! dick now: I can’t wait to go to bed.

Bruce- the first time father: dick: I just drank a lego piece. bruce : …what the hell?! You melted plastic and drank the liquid? dick: Yes. bruce : Why did you even melt a lego in the first place?! dick: Because it looked like chocolate! So I drank it! You know, like a chocolate shake?

Bruce- father of 10+ kids: duke: What do you want for breakfast? damian: I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN. bruce : bruce : They want eggs.

Classic Tim: tim: I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

This one hurt: jason: Do you always have to attack me with your words? bruce : Would you prefer me to use a brick?

Tim would answer hazardous waste or something: the Squad cleaning up alfred: Pick up the nearest piece of trash and throw it away. jason, to tim: Aight, which bin do you wanna go in—

This seems right: The gang's thoughts on stabbing bruce : Would never stab anyone. dick: Would stab someone in retaliation. tim: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first. jason: Would stab without warning. damian: Would stab as a warning.

Tim gets flashbacks: duke: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?! jason: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence. duke: Oh… tim, from across the room: I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

Jason the babysitter: tim: jason, I want a bedtime story! jason: I’m busy, tim. I’ll tell you one tomorrow. tim: If you don’t tell me a story, I won’t go to bed! jason: Once upon a time, there was a person named tim, who always wanted things their way. One day, their friends got sick of it and locked them in the basement for the rest of their life. Everyone else lived happily ever after. The end. tim: I don’t like these stories with morals.

Giving advice to the younger ones: jason: Any advice before bruce and I fight? dick: Don’t wet yourself in public. jason: Not the kind of advice I was looking for!

Two professionals speaking: damian: We need a plan to beat them. cass: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food. damian: cass: Judge me all you want, I get results.

Stephanie- one of the Bruce's not kids: stephane : (Talking to Damian) Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. Welcome to my abode. I'm glad you could join me. damian: But this is my abode. stephane : … stephane : Welcome to my abode, I'm so happy to have you, guest.

Ouch: bruce : You’re alive. damian: No need to sound so disappointed.

Little brothers, the sweetest of them all: cass: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!? jason, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

The meta joke here: bruce: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

[96harmony96]

Chapter 14

I hardly slept all night. I tossed and turned, drifting in and out of consciousness. The frequent nurse visits to check on Cary also woke me. His brain scans and lab reports were looking good and there was nothing absolutely definitive to worry about, but I hadn’t been there for him when he’d first gotten hurt. I felt like I needed to be there for him now, sleep or no sleep.

Just before six, I gave up and got out of bed.

Grabbing my tablet and wireless keyboard, I headed down to the cafeteria for coffee. I pulled up a chair at one of the tables and prepared to write a letter to Lauren. In the short amounts of time I’d managed to pin her down the last couple of days, I hadn’t been able to get my thoughts across to her. Writing it all out would have to be the way it got done. Maintaining steady, open communication was the only way we were going to survive as a couple.

I sipped my coffee and began typing, starting with my thanks for the beautiful weekend away and how much it meant to me. I told her how I thought our relationship had taken a massive leap forward during the trip, which only made the week’s backslide harder to bear—

“Camila. What a pleasant surprise!”

Turning my head, I found Dr. Terrence Lucas standing behind me holding a disposable coffee cup like the one I’d filled for myself. He was dressed for work in slacks and tie with a white lab coat. “Hi,” I greeted him, hoping I hid my wariness.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked, rounding me.

“Not at all.”

I watched him take the seat beside me, and I refreshed my memory of his appearance. His hair was pure white, without a hint of gray, but his handsome face was unlined. His eyes were an unusual shade of green and they were keen with intelligence. His smile was both reassuring and charming. I suspected he was popular with his patients—and their mothers.

“There has to be some special reason,” he began, “for you to be in the hospital long before visiting hours.”

“My roommate’s here.” I didn’t volunteer any more information, but he guessed.

“So Lauren Jauregui threw her money around and made arrangements for you.” He shook his head and took a sip of his coffee. “And you’re grateful. But what will it cost you?”

I sat back, offended on Lauren’s behalf that her generosity was reduced to having an ulterior motive. “Why do you two dislike each other so much?”

His eyes lost their softness. “She hurt someone very close to me.”

“Your wife. She told me.” I could tell that startled him. “But that wasn’t the beginning, was it? That was a result.”

“You know what she did, and you’re still with her?” Lucas set his elbows on the table. “She’s doing the same thing to you. You look exhausted and depressed. That’s part of the game to her, you know. She’s an expert at worshipping a woman as if she needs her to breathe. Then suddenly she can’t bear the sight of her.”

The statement was a painfully accurate description of my present reality with Lauren. My pulse quickened.

His gaze slid to my throat, then back to my face. His mouth curved in a mocking, knowing smile. “You’ve experienced what I’m talking about. She’s going to continue to play with you until you rely on her mood to gauge your own. Then she’ll get bored and dump you.”

“What happened between you?” I asked again, knowing that was key.

“Lauren Jauregui is a narcissistic sociopath,” he went on as if I hadn’t spoken. “I believe she’s a misogynist. She uses her money to seduce women, then despises them for being shallow enough to find her wealth attractive. She uses sex to control, and you never know what sort of mood you’ll find her in. That’s part of the rush—when you’re always steeling yourself for the worst, you psych yourself up for a surge of relief when she’s at her best.”

“You don’t know her,” I said smoothly, refusing to take the bait. “And neither does your wife.”

“Neither do you.” He sat back and drank his coffee, appearing as unruffled as I tried to be. “No one does. She’s a master manipulator and liar. Don’t underestimate her. She’s a twisted, dangerous woman capable of just about anything.”

“The fact that you won’t explain her grudge against you makes me think you’re at fault.”

“You shouldn’t make assumptions. There are some things I’m not at liberty to discuss.”

“That’s convenient.”

He sighed. “I’m not your adversary, Camila, and Jauregui doesn’t need anyone to fight her battles. You don’t have to believe me. Frankly, I’m so bitter I wouldn’t believe me if I were in your place. But you’re a beautiful, smart young lady.”

I hadn’t been lately, but it was my responsibility to fix that. Or walk.

“If you take a step back,” he continued, “and look at what she’s doing to you, how you’re feeling about yourself since you’ve been with her, and whether you’re truly fulfilled by your relationship, you’ll come to your own conclusions.”

Something beeped and he pulled his smartphone out of his coat pocket. “Ah, my latest patient has just entered the world.”

He pushed to his feet and looked down at me, setting his hand on my shoulder. “You’ll be the one who gets away. I’m glad.”

I watched him walk briskly out of the cafeteria and collapsed into the seat back the moment he disappeared from view, deflating from exhaustion and confusion. My gaze moved to the sleeping screen of my tablet. I didn’t have the energy to finish my letter.

I packed up and went to get ready for Angus’s arrival.

* * *

 “You up for Chinese?”

I looked up from the layout of the blueberry coffee ad on my desk into the warm brown eyes of my boss. I realized it was Wednesday, our usual day to go eat with Steven.

For a second, I considered bowing out and eating at my desk because I wanted to make Lauren happy. But just as quickly, I knew I’d resent her if I did. I was still trying to build a new life in New York, which included making friends and having plans that existed outside the life I shared with her.

“Always up for Chinese,” I said. My very first meal with Mark and Steven had been Chinese takeout here in the office, on a night when we’d worked well past closing and Steven had stopped by to feed us.

Mark and I headed out at noon, and I refused to feel guilty about something I enjoyed so much. Steven was waiting for us at the restaurant, seated at a round table with a lacquered lazy Susan in the middle.

“Hey, you.” He greeted me with a big bear hug, then pulled a chair out for me. He studied me as we both sat down. “You look tired.”

I guessed I must really look like shit, since everyone kept telling me that. “It’s been a rough week so far.”

The waitress came by and Steven ordered a dim sum appetizer and the same dishes we’d shared for that first late-evening meal—kung pao chicken and broccoli beef. When we were alone again, Steven said, “I didn’t know your roommate was gay. Did you tell us that?”

“He’s bi, actually.” I realized Steven, or someone he knew, must have seen the same newspaper Cary had showed me. “I don’t think it came up.”

“How’s he feeling?” Mark asked, looking genuinely concerned.

“Better. He might be coming home today.” Which was something that had been weighing on me all morning, since Lauren hadn’t called to tell me definitively one way or the other.

“Let us know if you need any help,” Steven said, all traces of levity gone. “We’re here for you.”

“Thank you. It wasn’t a hate crime,” I clarified. “I don’t know where the reporter got that. I used to respect journalists. Now, so few of them do their homework, and fewer still can write objectively.”

“I’m sure it’s tough living in the media spotlight.” Steven squeezed my hand on the table. He was a gregarious, playful fellow, but beneath that fun exterior was a solid man with a kind heart. “But then you have to kinda expect it when you’re juggling rock stars and billionaires.”

“Steven,” Mark scolded, frowning.

“Ugh.” My nose wrinkled. “Shawna told you.”

“Of course she did,” Steven said. “Least she can do after not inviting me along to the concert. But don’t worry. She’s not a gossip. She won’t be telling anyone else.”

I nodded, having no anxiety about that. Shawna was good people, but it was still embarrassing having my boss know I’d kissed one person while dating another.

“Not that it would be a bad thing for Jauregui to get a taste of her own medicine,” Steven muttered.

I frowned, confused. Then I caught Mark’s sympathetic gaze.

I realized the gay newspaper wasn’t the only news they’d seen. They must have seen the photos of Lauren and Corinne, too. I felt my face flush with humiliation.

“She’ll get a taste,” I muttered. “If I have to cram it down her throat.”

Steven’s brows shot up, and then he laughed and patted my hand. “Get her, girl.”

* * *

 I’d barely returned to my desk when my work phone rang.

“Mark Garrity’s office, Camila—”

“Why is it so damn difficult for you to follow orders?” Lauren asked harshly.

I just sat there, staring at the collage of photos she’d given me, pictures of us looking connected and in love.

“Camila?”

“What do you want from me, Lauren?” I asked quietly.

There was a moment of silence, then she exhaled. “Cary will be moved to your apartment this afternoon under the supervision of his doctor and a private nurse. He should be there when you get home.”

“Thank you.” Another stretch of quiet filled the line between us, but she didn’t hang up. Finally, I queried, “Are we done?”

The question had a double meaning. I wondered if she caught that or even cared.

“Angus will give you a ride home.”

My grip tightened on the phone. “Good-bye, Lauren.”

I hung up and got back to work.

* * *

 I checked on Cary the minute I got home. His bed had been moved aside and propped vertically against the wall to make room for a hospital bed that he could adjust at will. He was asleep when I came in, his nurse sitting in a new recliner and reading an e-book. It was the same nurse I’d seen the first night in the hospital, the pretty and exotic-looking one who had trouble taking her eyes off Lauren.

I wondered when she’d spoken to her—if she’d done it herself or sent someone else to do it—and whether she’d agreed for the money or for Lauren or both.

The fact that I was too tired to care one way or another said a lot about my own disconnection. Maybe there were people out there whose love could survive anything, but mine was fragile. It needed to be nurtured in order to thrive and grow.

I took a long, hot shower, then crawled into bed. I pulled my tablet onto my lap and tried to continue my letter to Lauren. I wanted to express my thoughts and reservations in a mature and cogent way. I wanted to make it easy for her to understand my reactions to some of the things she did and said, so she could see things from my point of view.

In the end, I didn’t have the energy.

I’m not elaborating any more, I wrote instead, because if I keep going, I’ll beg. And if you don’t know me well enough to know that you’re hurting me, a letter isn’t going to fix our problems.

I’m desperate for you. I’m miserable without you. I think about the weekend, and the hours we spent together, and I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t do to have you like that again. Instead, you’re spending time with HER, while I’m alone on my fourth night without you.

Even knowing you’ve been with her, I want to crawl on my knees for you and beg for scraps. A touch. A kiss. One tender word. You’ve made me that weak.

I hate myself like this. I hate that I need you this much. I hate that I’m so obsessed with you.

I hate that I love you.

Camila

I attached it to an e-mail with the subject line My thoughts—uncensored and hit send.

* * *

 “Don’t be afraid.”

I woke to those three words and utter darkness. The mattress dipped as Lauren sat beside me, leaning over me with her arms bracketing my body and the blankets between us, a cocoon and barrier that allowed my mind to wake without fear. The delicious and unmistakable fragrance of her soap and shampoo mixed with the scent of her skin, soothing me along with her voice.

“Angel.” She took my mouth, her lips slanting over mine.

I touched her chest with my fingers, feeling bare skin. She groaned and stood, bending over me so her mouth stayed connected to mine while she yanked the blankets off and away.

Then she was settling over me, her body nude and hot to the touch. Her ardent mouth moved down my throat, her hands pushing up my camisole so she could get to my breasts. Her lips surrounded my nipple and she suckled, her weight supported by one forearm on the mattress, her other hand pushing between my legs.

She cupped my sex, her fingertip gliding over the satin along the seam of my cleft. Her tongue flickered over my nipple, making it hard and tight, her teeth sinking lightly into the taut flesh.

“Lauren!” Tears slid in rivulets down my temples, the protective numbness I’d felt earlier falling away, leaving me exposed. I’d been withering without her, the world around me losing its vibrancy, my body hurting from its separation from hers. Having her with me . . . touching me . . . was like rain in a drought. My soul unfurled for her, opening wide to soak her in.

I loved her so much.

Her hair tickled my skin as her open mouth slid over my cleavage, her chest expanding as she breathed me in, nuzzling and wallowing in my scent. She captured the tip of my other breast with hard, deep suction. The pleasure shot through me, echoing in the clenching of my sex against her teasing fingertip.

She moved down my torso, licking and nibbling a path across my stomach, the breadth of her shoulders forcing my legs wider until her hot breath gusted over my slick cleft. Her nose pressed against the wet satin, stroking me. She inhaled with a groan.

“Camila. I’ve been starved for you.”

With impatient fingers, Lauren shoved the crotch of my panties aside and her mouth was on me. She held me open with her thumbs, her tongue lashing over my throbbing clit. My back arched with a cry, all my senses painfully acute without the benefit of sight. Tilting her head, she thrust into the quivering opening of my sex, fucking rhythmically, teasing me with shallow plunges.

“Oh God!” I writhed with the pleasure, my core clenching and releasing with the first tingles of orgasm.

I came in a violent rush, sweat misting my skin, my lungs burning as I fought for breath. Her lips were around my trembling opening, sucking, her tongue delving. She was eating me with an intensity I was helpless against. The flesh between my legs was so swollen and sensitive, so vulnerable to her ravenous hunger. I was climaxing again within moments, my nails scouring the sheets.

My eyes were opened and blinded by darkness when she ripped my underwear off me and crawled over me. I felt the wide crest of her cock notch into my cleft, and then she lunged, driving deep into me with an animalistic growl. I cried out, shocked by her aggression, turned on by it.

Lauren reared up, resting back on her heels, my thighs splayed over hers. She gripped my hips, elevating them, tilting me to the angle she wanted. She rolled her hips, stirring her cock inside me, pulling me onto her until I gasped in pain at how deep she was. The lips of my sex clung to the very base of her penis, spread wide to encompass the thick root. I had all of her, every inch, crammed too full and loving it. I’d been empty for days, so lonely I ached.

She groaned my name and came, spurting hot and thick, the creamy heat spreading upward along her length because there was no room inside me. She shuddered violently, dripping sweat onto my skin, flooding me. “For you, Camila,” she gasped. “Every drop.”

Pulling out abruptly, she flipped me over onto my belly and yanked my hips up. I gripped my headboard, my damp face pressed into my pillow. I waited for her to push into me and shivered when I felt her breath against my buttocks. Then I jerked violently at the feel of her licking along the seam. She rimmed me with the tip of her tongue, stimulating the puckered opening to my rear.

A broken sound escaped me. I don’t do anal play, Camila.

The tight ring of muscle flexed as I remembered her words, helplessly responding to the delicate flutters. There was nothing in our bed but us. Nothing could touch us when we were touching each other.

Lauren squeezed both of my cheeks in her hands, grounding me in the moment. I was open and parted for her in every way, completely exposed to her lush dark kiss.

“Oh!” I tensed all over. Her tongue was inside me, thrusting. My entire body began to quake from the feeling, my toes curling, my lungs heaving as she possessed me without shame or reservation. “Ah . . . God.”

I lifted into her mouth, giving myself to her. The affinity between us was brutal and raw, nearly unbearable. I felt seared by her desire, my skin feverish, my chest shaking with sobs I couldn’t hold back.

She reached beneath me, pressed the flat of her fingers against my aching clit and rubbing, massaging. Her tongue was driving me insane. The orgasm brewing inside me was spurred by the knowledge that there were no longer any boundaries for her with my body. She would do anything she desired—possess it, use it, pleasure it. Burying my face in my pillow, I screamed as I came, the ecstasy so vicious my legs gave out and I melted into the mattress.

Lauren slid over my back, her knee pushing my legs wide, her perspiration-slick body blanketing mine. She mounted me, pushing her cock inside me, her fingers linking with mine and pinning my hands to the bed. I was soaked with her and she rocked against me, sliding in and out.

“I’m desperate for you,” she said hoarsely. “I’m miserable without you.”

I tensed. “Don’t mock me.”

“I need you as much baby.” She nuzzled into my hair, fucking me slow and easy. “I’m just as obsessed. Why can’t you trust me?”

I squeezed my eyes shut, hot tears leaking out. “I don’t understand you. You’re tearing me apart.”

She turned her head and her teeth sank into the top of my shoulder. A pained growl rumbled through her chest and I felt her coming, her cock jerking as it pumped me full of scorching semen.

Her jaw relaxed, releasing me. She panted, her hips still churning. “Your letter gutted me.”

“You won’t talk to me . . . you won’t listen . . .”

“I can’t.” She groaned, her arms tightening around mine so that I was completely at her mercy. “I just . . . It has to be this way.”

“I can’t live like this, Lauren.”

“I’m hurting, too, Camila. It’s killing me, too. Can’t you see that?”

“No.” I cried, my pillow growing wet beneath my cheek.

“Then stop overthinking and feel it! Feel me.”

The night passed in a blur. I punished her with greedy hands and teeth, my nails raking over sweat-slick skin and muscle until she hissed in pleasured pain.

Her lust was frantic and insatiable, her need tinged with a desperation that frightened me because it felt hopeless. It felt like good-bye.

“Need your love,” she whispered against my skin. “Need you.”

She touched me everywhere. She was constantly inside me, with her cock or her fingers or her tongue.

My nipples burned, made raw by her sucking. My sex throbbed and felt bruised from her wild, hard drives. My skin was chafed from the stubble that prickled over her pelvis. My jaw ached from sucking her thick cock. My last memory was of her spooned behind me, her arm banded around my waist as she filled me from behind, both of us sore and exhausted and unable to stop.

“Don’t let go,” I begged, after I’d sworn I wouldn’t.

When I woke to my alarm, she was gone.

[thecameronchronicles]

Scream For Me

TW: Dark Rafe! Language. Degrading language. Smut. Violence. Slight blood kink. 

!THIS PIECE CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF STALKER AND SOCIOPATHIC/PSYCHOPATHIC BEHAVIORS. PROTECT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH FIRST!

SUMMARY: When Rafe sets his sights on you, you have no choice but to submit…

WORD COUNT: 2400

*Requested*

Scream For Me

Rafe Cameron always got what he wanted and you were no exception. For reasons he couldn't understand fully himself, you had fascinated him to such a degree that you became an obsession. He needed to know everything he could about you as you were an enigma to Pogues and Kooks alike for your recent move to the OBX. Somewhere between middle class and proper Kook status, you were the object of his desire, which you were about to learn was a most dangerous place to be…

Set before the television as you were often found on a Saturday night, your phone became incessant at your side. Broadcast with a number you didn't recognize, you set it to 'ignore' before finally blocking the number outright. Unlucky for you, the caller happened to know the number connected to the house, which forced you from the comfort of your rest as you had no choice but to answer. It humored you how you even had a landline at all as nobody else you knew could even tell you what they were, and yet, it allowed the caller the chance to finally reach you. 

"What's your favorite scary movie?" A purposely but poorly veiled voice called as you rolled your eyes to the unoriginal line. Of all times of the year, October was most expected for calls like this. And since you had become bored with the same cliche movie set on broadcast over your TV, you decided to entertain the idea. 

"Dora." You answered with a silent victory as the other end of the phone went silent. Realizing you had done the unexpected, you cut the line before moving into the kitchen and preparing yourself a snack. After shuffling for a moment through the cabinets, you ultimately decided on popcorn before hearing the phone ring again. 

"Hello?" You asked, hoping it was a telemarketer or even one of your friends, but it was that same intentionally low voice, sinister in its own verbiage. 

"I would have optioned for the chips instead…" Your skin chilled at his words as you turned behind you to notice how everyone in the window had been left open. It would have been easy for anyone in passing to see how you bypassed the Cheetos and Lays before deciding on the microwave popcorn. But with the echo of the beep having drawn your attention to the microwave, you realized that he had picked up on this and you were just being paranoid. You berated yourself temporarily for choosing to watch scary movies while being home alone. 

"And which ones WOULD you have picked then?" You teased. 

"If given the choice…" He hesitated for a moment as you were now back on the couch, curled at a comfortable angle with the phone to your ear, the popcorn in your lap, and the movie set on low in front of you. 

"You sound good enough to eat…" You could hear his smile through his words as you didn't care to repress your scoff. 

"Nah, I think I might be a bit tough for ya…"

"Not where I'm thinking…" Your eating slowed as your cheeks suddenly ran hot, "The most delicious part.. right between your legs…I bet it is all juicy for me right now isn't it-"

You cut the call again, this time, feeling the humor fade and the paranoia return. Even though all of the doors were locked and the security system had been engaged, you felt so vulnerable all alone in your house. Still somewhat new without any real knowledge of your neighborhood,  especially at dark, you cuddled into a tighter fetal position as the phone rang again. Only this time, you let it ring. 

Once. 

Twice. 

Three times before finally lifting it up to your ear again. 

"I just want to talk…it's rude to hang up on people you know…"

"And what about what YOU said?"

"What? You've never been eaten out before? Never had your toes curl to someone's tongue? Bet you've never had someone's fingers curled inside you either-" Although you felt a pull to hang up, something demented within yourself, call it morbid curiosity, and you remained on the line. 

"You could right now…I wouldn't tell anyone…" Again, you could hear his grin. 

"Bet you sound as sweet as you look." You suddenly shot upwards, eyes darting to every window to find only darkness behind the shrubs that covered your house. 

"Okay, I'm done. Very funny, whoever this is, but find someone a little less gullible-"

"You don't believe me? I'm looking at you right now…curled up on the couch with popcorn…looking for me…Even though you should be out on a Saturday night…"

"You just named the most vague details possible-"

"In those striped shorts and lacy top…I could see the dimples on your back as you reached for that popcorn and the pink polish on your toes right now…"

"What do you want?"

"To watch you-"

"Oh yeah? Well peep show's over, asshole!" You slammed the phone down on the table before rushing to the windows, pulling the curtains closed and moving to the direction of your bedroom before pulling yourself behind your door. Annoyed at how you left everything of use downstairs, you convinced yourself you were safe enough to retrieve it 'just in case' before ultimately descending those steps. 

The sound of the phone ringing was enough to annoy you as you took hold of your cell and the landline, the consistent trilling giving you a headache. 

"You call one more time and I'm calling the cops!" You charged as he only laughed on the other end of the line. 

"Go ahead. They'll just have to come in the same way I did…" Your heart stopped. 

"Everyone ALWAYS forgets to shut their garage doors…" He now ended the call as you rushed to the garage door leading into the house to find it unlocked. 

Your mind began to race for any possible course of action. You considered opening the door before you and escaping just as he had entered, you considered lifting the phone to call for help, even begging or screaming. But you wouldn't be allowed the chance before a large hand suddenly came over your shoulder and rested on the door. But the sight of his signet ring in position on his pointer finger, a signature to himself, had sent his name from your lips. 

"Rafe?"

"I always wondered how my name would sound coming from those perfect lips…" As you went to face him, he forced you against the door with hands to your hips and the supply of his own body for extra weight. 

"What do you want?" You were flabbergasted that he wasn't only here but here like this. You didn't even think he knew your name, let alone your address, and now he had an erection hard into your back as his fingers rounded until falling at rest between your thighs. 

"Rafe-" 

"I wanna make you scream for me-" You pushed yourself off of the wall, surprising him and knocking him off kilter just enough to slip away. Without looking back, you pulled yourself to a sprint and managed to make it to the hallway leading to your bedroom before his foot came to the opening of the door just before you could close it. Using all of your might, he was at an unfair advantage against you as he towered over you with an athletic build and a sinister intimidation when all you had was your wits and fight-or-flight response. 

"You come ANY closer and I'll scream-" He chuckled. 

"Didn't you hear me? That's my intention…" You psyched a motion towards the bedroom door as he began to walk towards you before faking in the other direction, aware you were running out of time as he continued to inch closer. 

"Whatever you think is going to happen, isn't! You'll never get to do the things you said! You're sick! You're a psycho!" 

"Well now you're just stating my best qualities…" You took the risk of the sliver of space between him and the door, your legs too short and the space too far to do so successfully as you were in his arms. He lifted you effortlessly and tossed you onto the bed before straddling you in place. 

"Before this night is over…you WILL submit to me…" He explained as you could only use your mouth against him. For this, you would spit, watching him take it with his hand and wipe it clean to his lips, sucking you from him. 

"So sweet…" He smiled as your fave twisted in disgust, even if a part of your thighs clenched in how erotic it had been. 

"You do anything to me and I'll scratch and bite and-" His hand was now on your jaw, pressing into your cheeks until they hollowed and leaving you in pain as he spoke against your ear. 

"And you'll beg and moan too,sweetheart-" You tried to rebut before feeling him reach between your legs. The adrenaline from the exchange acted against the betrayal of your body as he made a single swipe over your shorts to tell how you were already wet. 

"Dirty, desperate little slut, aren't you? Gonna let the big bad home invader stick his cock in your tight little pussy, yeah?"

"Get off of me-" To this, you were forced onto your stomach. 

"It's so much sweeter when you fight it…" He smiled behind these words as he forced your head into the bed as you fought for freedom beneath him, his other hand working your shorts in temporary disdain before ultimately leaving you bare for him. 

"Bet you're even sweeter here, aren't you? We already know how wet you are…how pathetically wet…" He smacked your ass as you gasped, more in surprise than arousal, but enough to garner his grimace to your reaction. 

"Bet you like it from behind don't you? You like being bent over like a whore and used as a cum bucket? You like being slapped on the ass and told how good you feel? Or you like having your hair pulled and being told you're bad?" You didn't respond. Instead, you would continue to fight him. At every turn. At every attempt. No matter how your body reacted, you would fight him. 

"That's okay…I'll just try it all-" Suddenly the force of his fingers were inside of you, set at a cruel pace as you gripped the sheets beneath you. Even if this terrified you, even if you hated him for it, your body shook in response to his touch, to his intentions, even to his cologne. And it was enough to stop fighting him temporarily as you were now at war with yourself. 

"Nothing to say now, huh? My fingers feel too good, don't they? I haven't even curled them yet and you're already shaking…" You closed your eyes, fighting the pleasure as he laughed and moaned behind you, relishing in your struggle. 

"What about now?" He asked, curling his digits into you with a chuckle as you gasped so sharply that everything else seemed silent afterwards. At least until he spoke. 

Another slap to your ass and you were turned to face him. Only now when his fingers returned, they were on a mission for destruction. The pumps made were strictly to make you squirt as you belted beneath them, your body shaking in a complete forfeit of control as he grinned. 

"See how greedy your pussy is? See how it needs my fingers like this? How you're swallowing them? Shit-see it?!" You would nod or fight him, you were instead transfixed on the sensations. 

"Rafe! Please stop!"

"Not even you're so close…not until I've come inside you-"

"Please!" You belted as his fingers only quickened once more. He continued this as he would edge you, retreating just before you would feel the spillover of your release. It left you trembling and in a haze of strictly lust and depraved need before he turned you into your stomach again. Only now, taking a hard grip to your hair as he spoke. 

"You're already pulsating?" He scoffed. "Impatient and needy…you're lucky I'm a good guy…or someone would take advantage of you…" He laughed before teasing you with his cock. 

"You feel it? Huh? You feel how close it is?" He led it across your cunt, drawing your slick with him, before an abrupt penetration sent you forward. He didn't care for compassion or care, he didn't care for your release or your comfort.

Your headboard slammed into the wall as its metal squeaked and the mattress shifted, but he never faltered. Each cruel thrust and harsh pull of your hair and he was reaching closer to that edge. 

"Beg for it you little slut…come on- '' He grunted at your back as a series of slaps to your ass that left you raw as he pulled your ass apart as you whimpered beneath him. 

"You're acting like such a goddamn whore, but you're screaming like a fucking virgin-" He laughed. 

"I'll make you come like one too…" Your eyes rolled as he pulled you into an arch. 

"Tell me you want it. Beg me for it, bitch, come on!" He grunted, his motions proving sloppy as you knew he was close. You knew if you just waited that it would all be over. And yet a part of you didn't want it to be. A very twisted but curious part. 

"Think I won't hurt you because I'm fucking you?" He pulled you to him, surprising you with a kiss before drawing blood by biting your lip. 

"Next time I'll leave a scar somewhere everyone else sees. Now fucking Beg me for it and I'll let you come-" 

"Rrr-Rafe!"

"Beg, bitch!" He pulled your hair one final time before he came, the waves of tremors pulling your own to the forefront as you would soak your sheets in the spray he allotted from the getgo. But once he was certain you were fucked, in every aspect, he withdrew and dressed. 

He only wanted one thing only, and he got what he came for. After all, Rafe Cameron always got what he wanted…

Taglist: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @my-baexht-Is @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes

[microscotch]

“I arrived a bit late to this whole thing, but I honestly thought this bimbocast would be chill about it. Clearly I was wrong, literally the first thing this pile of wussies does is complain about the way I fly.”

- “YOU LUNATIC ALMOST HIT US WITH YOUR FUCKING UFO!!!!!”

- “And you’re still alive, get over it.”

“We’re waiting for this last chick to arrive, not knowing this girl was planning on committing murder by almost crashing HER LITERAL UFO into the house!”

“Like, who on earth let that psycho onto the show, she’s a threat to society!”

-”YOU HAVE TWO EYES CONNECTED TO YOUR BRAIN, RIGHT?? CAN’T YOU WATCH WHERE THE HELL YOU’RE FLYING??”

-”I see the whole “earthlings are useless wimps” stereotype is true as well.”

-”You’re insane!”

-”Bold words to direct at someone who almost killed you, now get out of my way, Leslie.”

“So we’re all situated at the table waiting for our boss and in comes this dumpster fire on two legs. I was like “Come on, that can’t be the person running this show!” 

-”Alright, I'll give it to you straight: I’m Toni and I’m your boss for the next few weeks. I want you to disgrace yourselves in front of these cameras and make me the wealthiest sim alive. You're gonna fill in my shitty bike courier job in the meantime and you BETTER do your job cause I'm gonna get in major trouble otherwise, so if I - uh - you get fired, you'll leave this rancid house. You'll also be off the show if you have a net negative relationship with all of your housemates. Got it?”

-”Roz, did you know that iguanas are cold-blooded animals, so their body temperature is reliant on the weather??”

-”Um, Toni, were you high when you cast some of these freakshows?”

-”Yes. Anyways, have fun making me rich!”

-”Oh yeah, so while we’re at that, how much are WE gonna get paid for this?”

-”April what are you talking about, nobody here is gonna get any money.”

-”WHAT??”

-”We’re gonna get paid in fame and exposure.”

“What person gets hired for a show WITHOUT getting paid? I’m just feeling so taken advantage of right now.”

-”Okay April it’s been two hours, people actually need to use this bathroom!”

-”THERE ARE THREE BATHROOMS IN THIS HOUSE, PICK A DIFFERENT ONE!!”

-”Hey Angie, I know we’re thinking the same thing, just letting you know that I didn’t get my nickname from nowhere, wink if you understand me. Angie??”

-”I DON’T DESERVE THIS KIND OF TREATMENT!!!! NOBODY WITH HAIR THAT LOOKS LIKE IT’S PERMANENTLY BLOWN BY THE WIND DOES!!!!”

“This bitch really thought she was gonna get paid to be on here, like, get a grip. Fortunately the whining stopped when the welcome wagon arrived ‘cause she became too busy going crazy over that one guy...”

-”Hey cutie, your cardigan is really hot! ❤” 

-“Oh thank you dear, do you know what’s also “hot”?? My fiancee’s ginger sister ❤.”

-”Getting my pride hurt twice today, alright, time to get drunk and blackout so hard I’ll forget this whole day ever happened!”

-”Aww, don’t be upset, April! Your ass is far too detox tea ad material for you to be this sad!”

-”SHOO ANGIE, TAKE YOUR FAKE ASS COMPLIMENTS AND FLIRT WITH NAMZIB IF YOU’RE BORED!”

-”I can’t be the only one thinking it’s completely sociopathic to cast someone nicknamed “The Slaughter” instead of arresting them, especially after nearly killing everyone upon arrival!”

-”You legit climbed into the hot tub to tell me that?”

“I got this weirdo’s signals and look, I’m not at all opposed to hatefucking, but I don’t go below sevens. I don’t care how turned on you get by near-death experiences, Roz.”

“Not to mention because that creep kept ranting to me, ABOUT me I didn’t have a minute left to change when the cab arrived to take us clubbing. Asshole.”

-”Hey Namzib, sorry we didn’t interrupt your makeout session with Roz sooner!”

-”Yeah, yeah, shut up, Tik Tok edition of Edward Cullen.”

-”EXCUSE ME, YOUNG LADY! DON’T YOU THINK YOUR ATTIRE IS -

-“NO!! THE LEGENDS FROM SECTOR 8 ARE TRUE. MRS. CRUMPLEBOTTOM AND HER MAGIC MURDER BAG ARE REAL!!”

-“...”

-”DON’T KILL ME!! UGH OF COURSE THIS HAPPENS WHEN I’M COMPLETELY UNARMED, STUPID BATHING SUIT....”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One trip to the house and back to the club later..

-“Dude, will you get going? Other people want to use the vending machine too!”

-”Hello there, young folks, it’s a nice day today! :)”

-“Just come back later when you’ve made up your mind, for Watcher’s sake!”

“So while Roz was about to lose his mind I couldn’t help but notice how virtually everyone but him in this house really wants me.”

“The boys...”

“The girls...”

“But I was standing like right next to him and everything he cares about is throwing a fit because some old dude blocked the vending machine! It’s so messed up.”

-”COME ON! COME GET ME!”

-”I love the young people! :)”

-”I’LL KICK YOUR ASS, GOATEE!!!”

-”Roz calm the hell down!!”

“Roz is just being totally aggressive right now, he’s making everyone look terrible. I was just like, calm down. It’s not that big of a deal!”

-“Stawp it, this is literally our first day and you’re making all of us look horrible, we’re gonna get thrown out!”

-”Be real, after what I’ve seen earlier today that guy was clearly your type and now you’re pissed at me!”

-‘You’re being ridiculous!”

-“Look! Over there is another old guy you can pester, now leave me alone!”

-“Would you degenerate move it already?!”

[mydancinglady]

How I turned from being a Joan Crawford hater to a fan

Like many people, the first references of Old Hollywood that I ever heard were on Drag Race. Especially the ones that I took the most attention of were in All Stars 2 (Alyssa Edwards and Alaska): Joan Crawford, Mae West, and Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.

Alyssa’s Snatch Game always got my attention and I wanted to understand all the references. So after reading what Mommie Dearest was about, I decided to watch it. It was an… Experience to say the least. I had a literal headache from it. I barely knew anything from the book, so I took everything that I saw as the pure truth.

My initial idea of Joan was that she was… a sociopath. A manipulator, an abuser, an insane woman. But since the movie was really a lot for me for the first watch, I didn’t dwell on it much after it. I just kept that image of her like “that crazy actress”.

A month later, I decided to watch Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, since I was so curious about Bette Davis acting, and the plot. This was the first Old Hollywood movie I ever watched, and I’m so glad it happened like this. I fucking loved it, and I was immediately drawn to Bette. I wasn’t really impressed by Joan’s acting and to be fair, I had a huge negative image of her. So I already went with that on my mind.

Just like that, I started to get into OH movies, for now, only Bette’s movies. I was really hypnotized by her acting and persona. I quickly became a fan of hers (and I still am). She was unique, brave, and ahead of her time.

One day, I mentioned this to one of my friends (who is a Vivien Leigh fan), and she told me she loved Joan. I was puzzled, quickly telling her about MD. She told me I should investigate more into it, that she actually wasn’t really like that. I was very skeptical about that. 

I gave her a shot as an actress and I watched Mildred Pierce. From the get go, I was comparing her to Bette, immediately thinking she wasn’t as good as her, that she was boring, and didn’t deserve that Oscar. Clearly I was still judging her harshly, and I thought she deserved that treatment. 

But nonetheless, there was still something that intrigued me about her. So I gave her one last shot and I watched Possessed (1947). And all my criticism about her as an actress soon finished after that. She blew my mind. I really underestimated her and what she could do.

Still, in my mind, I couldn't stan her fully because of what I thought she had done in her private life. So, I started to do some deep research about who she was, and to my surprise, and just like my friend told me, everything was completely exaggerated. 

I started reading books, watching interviews, documentaries, reading documents, letters and information that started to clear up everything for me. It was an obvious example to me, that sometimes we don’t have to immediately believe the clickbait titles, the rumors and misinformation that people like to spread across the internet.

Joan Crawford it’s probably one of the most misunderstood celebrities ever. She wasn’t around when she was accused, so she couldn't defend herself (like Bette did when she had her troubles with BD). I’ll leave links here, so you can check on your own and make your own conclusions.

Joan was raised by an abusive mother, unloved, and without a father. She quickly had to take care of herself, because no one was going to do it for her. She had to work since she was 9, cleaning bathrooms to have an education (which she couldn't finish after all). She became a dancer because she was determined, and got to the place she always wanted to with her own work.

From being a poor and abandoned child, she became one of the biggest stars in cinema history. Without money, without a diploma, without anyone’s help. That to me, was incredible, and as a woman, it gave me the strength to overcome anything. If she could, why can’t I?

She took care of her family until the end of her days, even when they didn’t even support her in the first place. She was always generous to everyone around her, and gave everything that she could to her children. 

She was involved in business, she produced movies, she wrote books and tried to better herself every day.I don’t think at all she was perfect, or that she was an angel. But it is clear to me that she was never that person that everyone thinks she is. 

In reality she was really insecure, self conscious, seeking love and validation to feel that she was doing things right. Seeking what she never got when she grew up. And even though she really wanted to reach perfection, which she felt she had to be, because she made herself believe she wasn’t good enough. That she could be discarded in any minute if she made mistakes.

To me she is not Mommie Dearest, she is not Queen Bee. She is just a woman who fought hard to be someone, and with the few tools -emotional and professional- that she had, made the best of it. 

As a conclusion, I wanna say that maybe we should think of why she was so easily targeted as a crazy, abusive, hysterical woman without doubting or confirming the information we are spreading of someone who’s dead. As a matter of fact, there’s a ton of cases of male actors who did actual terrible stuff in the industry, and never had the same negative image as Joan. 

I’m sorry if I made any mistakes in this post, I’m not a native english speaker. Hope my opinion is easy to understand.

[like-rain-or-confetti]

About Abigail (The Riddler)

"Mr Nygma, why don't you tell me about your daughter?" The doctor asked. The Riddler leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms. "I think not." The doctor looked up from her notes. "Why not?" "Because I don't want you or anyone else near her. Besides you're asking to see if you can get any information as to where Jonathan is. You won't get any. Abby needs someone to look after her." He replied. "But you do know someone must look after her. You do care?" The doctor asked and he scoffed. "What kind of questions are those!? Yes, I do know she needs someone to look after her and of course I care. She's my daughter!" "I see...how do you think you are as a father?" She asked. "Wonderful. Why?" He asked icily. "Well...narcissism isn't the greatest trait to have raising a child. By definition, you'd put yourself first before your daughter. The world revolves around you." "How...wrong you are, doctor." The Riddler glared. "Am I?" She asked. "Perhaps you took on the fatherly role to surpass your own father. You seem upset by my mentioning of her. Taking the attention away from you." She raised a thin eyebrow, scrutinising Edward. "Abby has nothing to do with this." Edward said icily. "Did I upset you when I asked about her? Do you not know much about her?" She pressed and he slammed a hand on the table. "I know everything about Abigail." He ground out, fury in his eyes. "Then tell me about her. Is she safe?" She asked. "Of course she is!" Edward snapped. "She's with Jonathan!" "It doesn't concern you that your daughter is with a sociopath? Sociopaths can't love anyone, not even their children." The Riddler held up a finger. "Correction, doctor, they can. Perhaps not by the same dynamics as you or I but they can. Jonathan wants her safe and so she will be. He wants her happy and cared for and so she will be!" "Until he changes his mind." She countered. Edward glared at her but she didn't hold her tongue. She didn't so much as hesitate. "That's the gamble isn't it? The hope that Jonathan Crane won't change his mind, that he won't get bored?" "He wouldn't." Edward ground out. "He would." The doctor retorted. "The only real parent that little girl has is you. A narcissist. I'd hate to think what would happen if you grew bored of her. Do you think you'd notice or even care if Jonathan Crane left that little girl? Would you forget to come back?" He leaned forward. "Watch your mouth!" He snapped. "You understand our concern, don't you Edward? We can't trust that you won't neglect that girl because even whilst you two have the responsibility of a child, neither of you have given up a life of crime. For all we know, the moment she doesn't act how you want her too is the moment you both abandon her without a second thought." 

There was a moment of tension filled silence before he let out a quiet chuckle. "If that's what you want to believe, Doctor, so be it. You think I don't know anything about her? Well then, I'll tell you the information you're so desperate for." Edward sneered. "When an infant, she'd hysterically laugh at the sound of a heavy book hitting a surface. When she grows up, she wants to be a star hunter. She claims that is someone who hunts stars to give them homes in jars so they aren't cold at night. Her favourite animal until she was four was frogs. She was incredibly jealous that things wouldn't stick to her tongue. Her new favourite is fireflies and she wishes she could glow like they do. She loves food and loves sugar even more. She thinks I'm the nice parent whilst Jonathan is the stern one. Her worst fear is of Batman because he bruises and takes away her fathers. Therefore, I have spent many nights laying with her. So if I didn't care, would I really know all of this?" He asked and the doctor was quiet for moment. "Yet you continue to reoffend." She said simply. The Riddler scoffed before leaning forward in his chair. "My crimes have ensured my daughter will be set for life. She'll never have to worry about poverty or her next meal. If you feel so strongly then tell every employed parent in Gotham to stop working and raise their children. I believe that includes you, doesn't it?" Her hands moved to her lap. Edward continued. "See how easy it is to point and blame everyone else. If you cared so much, if Gotham cared so much there would be no need for orphanages." Edward sneered before letting out a frustrated sigh. "You got your answers Doctor. As I said before, my daughter has nothing to do with this. So leave her out of it!"

[assassinmidnight]

Their resident Genius

The BAU is called in by Scotland Yard to help with a case, Spencer becomes intrigued when he hears that they have their own resident genius.

_________

Spencer Reid x Holmes!Autistic!Female!reader

_________

Honestly Spencer was unsure why Scotland Yard had called them in, he always knew that their team was one of the best but the fact that Scotland Yard had called them in had surprised the Genius a lot.

--

“Okay team, we’ve been called in by the English. We’re gonna be gone for a bit so pack accordingly. Airstrip in 30,” Hotch called. “Wait, the English? You mean Scotland Yard? Scotland Yard called US in, why?” 

“Really Reid, I thought you’d be the most excited to meet their team. Apparently they have their own resident genius,” The reply from Hotch had Morgan smiling “Resident Genius? Is he smarter than Reid? Man I have to see this,”

--

During the entire flight Spencer had been thinking of the so-called Genius. He didn’t really believe in genius as a word but he had become intrigued. He wondered if Hotch was honest, if he was correctly informed. Spencer had for a long time kept track of Scotland Yard but he’d only heard of Sherlock Holmes being their resident genius, but he was a consultant not an official agent. Did he decide to join them officially?

“Reid stop, I can hear the cogs turning in your head and it’s keeping me from my sleep,” 

“Shut up Morgan,” Morgan looked over “Reid I get it, you’re stressed about meeting new people and maybe even someone who can go against you in brainiac power. But dude chill, it’s gonna be all good, chances are they aren’t even close to your level.” 

Spencer took that into consideration, it’s true most people who are called geniuses aren’t close to his level.”

_

“Okay team we’re gonna meet the people from Scotland Yard. Behave,” Hotch sounded more serious than he looked.

Spencer was surprised when they entered the building, it was nothing like their own. This place was not messy or filled with people stuffing the rooms, it was all quiet and strict as if it was a classroom. “This way to the office,” Hotch pointed towards a room and they all headed there.

“Ah Agent Hotch, thank you for coming,” The man smiled and shook hands with Hotch, “This must be your famous team of profilers,” The man quickly looked at his watch before looking up again. “We should wait with the introductions, one of ours is running late,” Morgan smirked “Your resident genius?” The man looked up surprised before nodding, he looked like he was about to answer but got interrupted by the door swinging open.

“I’m sorry for being late, you know how my brother is,” A woman came in, a bit out of breath. She looked around 21 and had (y/h) colored hair, quite long too.

She seemed to realize the company they had and went beet red, Spencer thought she looked pretty cute. 

She turned back to the man, “So this is the BAU team lestrade? The best profilers,” 

“Wait you’re Greg Lestrade? You worked with Sherlock and Dr. Watson,” The two brits looked over at Reid, the girl cocked her head to the side before smiling. “Dr. Reid I presume. I’ve read a lot about you, three PhDs and working for the FBI at 24, impressive,” now Reid turned red earning a laugh from Morgan. “You did your homework,” The woman looked at Morgan, “Yes I did, I like knowing who come here, Agent Morgan.” 

“Y/n behave. I know you prefer working alone but no need to be rude, you are better than your brothers aren't you?” The girl named Y/n sighed and nodded. “Good, introduce us to the UnSub.”

__

Throughout the entire briefing Spencer had been staring at Y/N, he couldn’t figure out how such a young woman was part of Scotland Yard. He tried to profile her but all he could decipher from her movements, which were many. She fidgeted a lot, tended to stare at the wall and kept her arms crossed over her chest. She was distracted, bored and introverted. That profile didn’t fit someone in this field. 

“Yes Y/N?” Hotch's voice brought Spencer from his thoughts.

“Dr. Reid, why are you staring at me so much? Is it really that hard to profile me?” Her voice was quite gleeful. She was proud, she had an advantage and she knew that. “Mm, yes sorry, I was profiling you but it wasn’t hard. You are clearly bored by this, unfocused throughout the entire briefing and you are closed off. These are not common attributes in Agents, that’s why I was staring,” He felt pretty proud of himself until “You didn’t introduce me Detective?” “No, I thought it best to keep the introductions til we're all here. But it seems like you know them well enough which I expected but you should probably introduce yourself,” Lestrade smiled and Y/N nodded. “My name is Y/N Holmes, little sister of both Mycroft and Sherlock. I am the one who usually works alone in my cave but apparently I was needed for this case. And no Dr. Reid I was not bored or unfocused, quite the opposite actually. I was just in my mind palace,”

“You’re the sister of Sherlock? Wait you’re the resident Genius,” Y/N laughed at Morgan’s reaction. Once again she cocked her head to the side, smiling. “How many PhDs?��� She turned to Reid, “None, school bores me. Also resident genius isn’t what I would call myself, creative genius with hypersensitivity. All the Holmes boys got none of the emotion so I got all of it,” Reid nodded. “Well now that we’ve been introduced to the most interesting thing in England, how about we get started.”

__

“You still thinking about Miss smartypants, Pretty boy?” Reid tossed a pillow at Derek, but he did nod. “There is something about her, she wasn’t looking at me but knew that I was watching her. She assumed Lestrade had introduced her to us but was happy when she got to do it herself and she pointed out that she is more creative and sensitive than her brothers who are known sociopaths. I can’t understand her brain, or her profile,” Morgan stared at Reid before laughing “Dude it sound like you have a crush on Miss Holmes, well if she is as smart as they say your kids will definitely be something out of this world,” Morgan kept on laughing even when Spencer turned around on his bed.

__

“Welcome to my cave, don’t touch anything without asking.” Y/N was stern, her look was cold as well Spence nodded. “So um, why am I working here instead of in the field?” he asked, she looked at him annoyed before turning to her screen. “Because your boss thought it would be best to keep the two geniuses in the same room.”

The two kept working, Reid was surprised at all the tea Y/N was drinking and how she compulsively played with her bracelets whenever she was thinking. OCD, that did fit but something still felt off. “Just ask, get it out of the way before you drive me absolutely nuts” she looked at him expectantly. Spencer gulped before asking the question “Why can’t I profile you? I know it’s nothing on my end so it must be something on yours,” She shook her head and smiled, looking back at her screen. Spencer sighed thinking she wasn’t going to answer. 

“I am autistic with traces of OCD and dyslexia, that’s why you can’t profile me. I don’t fit the general profile for autistics. I have a deep emotional understanding but I lack logical intelligence that is usually paired with the diagnosis. My OCD traces are caused by my autism and the compulsive behaviors are mainly caused by anxiety. I suffered deep trauma in my childhood like both my brothers but unlike them I never emotionally distanced myself, this is why you can’t profile me Reid, I don’t fit the general profiles just like you,”He was surprised at her answer but considering what she just said he really shouldn’t have. 

“Wow, that’s- that’s a lot. Wait, you profiled me?” He was genuinely surprised, she laughed at him, breaking her cold act. “No I didn’t, but most intelligent people are the same,” he nodded before laughing with her.

__

“So thanks to the BAU and our own Agents we’ve managed to catch this killer and he will soon be behind bars,” JJ announced on the news. The team were currently at Lestrades house having a drink. Reid kept looking over to Y/N, ever since they’d solved the case she’d been distant towards him, it hurt for some reason. He thought they were getting along, especially after they’d started to talk about Dr. WHO, guess not. 

“Something wrong, Reid?” He turned and saw that the voice belonged to Lestrade, he nodded. “In my experience with the Holmes siblings, they rarely act like this unless it’s something that will actually impact them. You should talk to her, as much as she detests it she is like her brothers and when angry instead of being consumed by emotions like them she turns them off and goes all logical. Easy to have a conversation with if you watch your words,” When Spencer didn’t move Lestrade pushed him slightly making him go over to Y/N.

“Why are you ignoring me?” She turned to him, cup of tea in her hand, she sighed then gave him a strained smile. “Reid, go back to your team,” “Not until you tell me why you’ve been ignoring me?” She gave him a cold look before sighing again. “I have been ignoring you because I like you, Reid. You are going back to America so I am simply distancing myself to get used to not having you around any more. It’s all logical,” 

“You like me?” he was genuinely surprised, he found Y/N cute and even had a bit of a crush on her, something he’d never admit to Morgan but he never thought she liked him back.

“Of course I like you. You are smart and cute and have these small quirks about you. You are funny and a geek and get almost every single of my pop culture references,” Reid just looked at her with fond eyes, she liked him back and was now rambling on about why. It was cute, really cute. He pressed his lips against hers, successfully muffling her rambles. She seemed surprised at first but soon reprocrated the kiss.

“WHO IS THAT GUY KISSING MY BABY SISTER!” The two geniuses broke apart, red and turned to the voice. Seems like Sherlock Holmes had invited himself in and based on the look in his eyes said one thing, the high functioning sociopath was not happy with Reid kissing his sister.

[basic-otaku]

My thoughts on Xue Yang's character (based on the drama and novel)

Xue Yang is a character I didn’t fully understand until I finished The Untamed. I looked back on him with a bit of pity but little understanding. It wasn’t until I listened to his character song that I truly began to dissect his character. Reading those lyrics completely flipped my perspective on him, and I went back to watch the Yi City arc again. I was shocked by how much I had missed. Xue Yang has since become one of my favorite characters of the series. I’ve spent so much time thinking about him and his motives that I finally decided to write down my thoughts. This analysis comes mostly from what I perceived, so it may differ from other people’s opinions. You are free to disagree with me.

Let’s start with what we know: Xue Yang was a street kid with a hard childhood. We know he was abandoned at a young age, but we don’t know how young. However, he must have been old enough to survive, so he couldn’t have been younger than four when he started fending for himself. We don’t know who his parents are because he doesn’t remember them, nor does he remember anyone else who had potentially taken care of him. His parents could be dead for all we know, or they could have dumped him somewhere when they no longer wanted to take care of him. It’s all up to speculation. He also has a very high pain tolerance, probably due to constant beatings as a child.

When you’re all alone in the world, you have to learn to put yourself first. There’s no one to care for you, so only you can care for yourself. I believe that Xue Yang wasn’t always a bad person because no one is inherently evil. However, because he was alone, there was no one to nurture him and teach him right from wrong. When all you experience is violence and hatred, that becomes your response to similar situations; you don’t expect kindness or want to give it in return.

One of Xue Yang’s flaws as a child was his naivety — he was much too quick to trust. That’s how he got himself into such a bad situation. He was eager to have something he was never able to have (candy), so he immediately trusted that shopkeeper when he said he could have some as a reward for running an errand. What he got in return wasn’t candy, but a brutal beating and a severed pinky. If Xue Yang had still had any faith left in humanity, this is the point where it would have left him. The remaining childhood innocence in him was gone. This brings me to an interesting piece of dialogue. In Yi City, when Xue Yang confronts Song Lan and tells him what he’s been up to, Song Lan curses at him, calling him an animal. Xue Yang laughs at him and says, “I quit using those words when I was seven.” And what happened to Xue Yang’s finger? “One finger was ground into battered flesh on the spot. The child was seven.” Even Xue Yang himself knows that moment was when everything changed, and he still carries the resentment with him now.

Back to the cart incident. This event scarred him for life and was the primary reason he became a sociopath. Now he’s bent on revenge. He was powerless as a child; just another street rat who shouldn’t be treated like a human being nor spared any pity. So, when he realizes he can do the same to those that hurt him, he takes it much further. When he was old enough and strong enough, he exacts his revenge. He wanted to make the Chang Clan feel his pain — not only for the finger he had lost but for his whole miserable life up to that point. If no one deigned to understand him, then he’d make them understand in the only way he knew how. With violence.

Xue Yang was only fifteen or sixteen when he slaughtered the Chang Clan, killing more than fifty people. This is where he meets Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. From the first moment, Xue Yang hates Xiao Xingchen. He’s so righteous, so full of light. He thinks he makes the world better just by doing a little good. What a hypocrite. Where was he when he was needed? Where was he when Xue Yang was a seven-year-old boy left crying in the streets after having his finger ground to a pulp? No, nobody can be that good.

When Xue Yang is captured by Wei Wuxian and the others, Xiao Xingchen takes him back to Qinghe to be apprehended, and Xue Yang vows to get his revenge on Xiao Xingchen for it. It isn’t long after he escapes from Qinghe that Xue Yang slaughters Baixue Temple, blinding Song Lan in the process. According to Xue Yang’s logic, hurting Xiao Xingchen’s friend is just as bad as hurting Xiao Xingchen himself. This is what causes the rift between Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. Without this incident, Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen may never have met again.

A few years have likely passed while Xue Yang was working for Jin Guangyao. He is probably closer to eighteen or nineteen when Jin Guangyao injures him and throws him out, which is how Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing find him. Xiao Xingchen doesn’t hesitate in bringing Xue Yang back to Yi City with him and A-Qing and caring for his wounds. Xue Yang wakes up pained and disoriented, but he immediately tries to back away when he realizes who is tending to him. He doesn’t know Xiao Xingchen is unaware of his identity, and probably thinks that Xiao Xingchen is getting ready to take him to face justice or something. But Xiao Xingchen insists that he doesn’t need to know who Xue Yang is and that he’s only doing what’s right. Xue Yang is clearly shocked by this admission. He truly cannot comprehend kindness, and this is the first time he’s ever experienced it.

This is also the first time we get to see his genuine smile. It’s shocked and incredulous, like he can’t believe this is happening, but it’s there. Throughout the series, Xue Yang’s snarky words and sly smirk are a token of his character, but now we know they are just a mask he uses to hide the small, broken child inside of him. If no one can see the hurt he hides, then no one can hurt him further. But with just one kind gesture, Xiao Xingchen was able to bring out the young boy who just wanted love and comfort.

This kindness is such a foreign concept to Xue Yang that he doesn’t think it’s genuine for a long time. But as the years pass, Xue Yang comes to realize that Xiao Xingchen isn’t a threat. This is something he scoffs at. Xiao Xingchen is ridiculously naïve; so stupid. If he knew who he was living with, who he was eating with, he wouldn’t act like this. He would treat Xue Yang the same way everyone else had. So, Xue Yang decides to trick Xiao Xingchen into murdering innocent people for revenge. Xue Yang can’t wait for Xiao Xingchen to find out what Xue Yang has made him do because it’ll break him. What this revenge is for is up to interpretation. Maybe he’s still angry about being captured and sent to Qinghe. Maybe he’s angry at the world for treating him so badly. Maybe Xue Yang wants to show Xiao Xingchen that his worldview is stupid and that there are no good or pure people in the world. I choose to believe that it’s the last one.

At least, this is his motivation at first — he slowly loses the will to harm Xiao Xingchen. This brings me to another interesting point. In episode three, Xue Yang says he doesn’t fear death, he fears boredom. But isn’t this domestic life he’s living with Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing considered boring by his standards? I think the boredom he speaks of is really the fear of being alone and having nothing at all. Now he’s happy, however reluctantly he’s willing to admit it. He wouldn’t have put up with A-Qing’s petulant behavior if he didn’t enjoy the time they spent together. Although they didn’t get along at first, Xue Yang protects A-Qing and takes care of her like an annoying older brother. He teases her, sure, but he also cuts her apple slices in the shape of rabbits and gives her advice on how to scare away the people who bully her (even though killing them isn’t great advice). Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing were the family he never had. Now he would do anything to preserve the life he is living.

After about a year, Xue Yang’s plan stopped being about revenge. I’m not completely sure how he justified this change of heart, but I like to think he told himself he was still biding his time and that he’d get back to it eventually (even if he had stopped thinking about hurting Xiao Xingchen). Based on what A-Qing told Song Lan when he arrived at Yi City, Xue Yang hadn’t taken Xiao Xingchen out on one of those night hunts in a long time. And most of the people that Xue Yang made Xiao Xingchen kill were the merchants that made fun of his blindness and cheated him with bad vegetables and high prices. It was a messed-up way to get revenge for Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang hates being looked down on, so shouldn’t Xiao Xingchen feel the same way?

Nevertheless, the time they spent in Yi City was probably the only time Xue Yang had been happy in his entire life. Xiao Xingchen was so in tune with what Xue Yang needed that Xue Yang came to care for him deeply. Whether those feelings were romantic or platonic in nature is up to the viewer, but I believe Xue Yang had fallen in love with Xiao Xingchen in the only sick and twisted way he could. Xiao Xingchen understood him more than anyone ever had, going so far as to listen to his idle ramblings and bring him a piece of candy every day after hearing that he had loved sweets as a child but could never have any. He managed to tame the savage beast in Xue Yang’s heart with only his presence and basic human decency. Xue Yang’s bloodlust was satiated as long as he had Xiao Xingchen to take care of him. At this point, I don’t think he would ever actually kill Xiao Xingchen. He had stopped wanting to hurt him a long time ago. A-Qing? Sure. She’s expendable, but Xiao Xingchen is irreplaceable. Even if Xue Yang reluctantly came to care about her, it wasn’t the same kind of bond. She had never shown him the same kindness that Xiao Xingchen had. He wouldn’t hesitate to hurt her if she betrayed him, but she was important to Xiao Xingchen, which meant he couldn’t do her any harm if he didn’t want to disrupt their happy life.

If Song Lan hadn’t found them, how long would Xue Yang have stayed? I don’t even think he knew. He just knew that he didn’t want to leave anymore. Xiao Xingchen gave him too much for him to want that. The viewer can easily see the happiness in his eyes when he looks at Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang acts like a kid around him — playing games, joking around, making him laugh with childish remarks. Even in the quiet moments, he’s happy. This was especially noticeable in the campfire scene. It wasn’t shown in the original drama, but in the special edition, Xue Yang smiled at Xiao Xingchen from across the fire, and the look in his eyes as he gazed at his daozhang was so tender that it honestly caught me off guard. It seemed to catch Xue Yang off guard too because he caught himself, and the smile slowly fell. It’s like he realized what he’s doing and remembered that this should be about revenge.

Where in the past, Xue Yang hated Xiao Xingchen for his righteousness, he now loves him for his naivety. Without it, Xue Yang knows that Xiao Xingchen would be disgusted with himself. There would be no more laughs, no more games, and no more smiles. Then Xue Yang would lose the one person who didn’t treat him like dirt. So, when Song Lan finds them, Xue Yang immediately perceives it as a threat to their domestic life. He knows how important Song Lan is to Xiao Xingchen, and there’s no doubt in his mind that Xiao Xingchen won’t hesitate to leave with Song Lan when he discovers Xue Yang’s identity.

Furthermore, Xue Yang resents Song Lan for taking Xiao Xingchen’s eyes (even though it was voluntary on Xiao Xingchen’s part and was essentially Xue Yang’s fault). His logic tells him that having Xiao Xingchen kill Song Lan would be the perfect way for Xiao Xingchen to get his revenge. What Xue Yang doesn’t understand is that not everyone thinks about things in the context of revenge. I don’t believe Xiao Xingchen ever truly regretted giving up his sight. But Xue Yang can’t comprehend how someone could be that selfless.

This is where it all falls apart. A-Qing sees what happened to Song Lan, and she runs to Xiao Xingchen and tells him everything. When Xiao Xingchen comes back to confront him, Xue Yang spills it all. There’s nothing left for him to lose. His mask falls again, and he basically bares his soul to Xiao Xingchen. This is probably the first time he’s told the story about his finger, and I think he genuinely thought Xiao Xingchen was going to understand him; that if he knew what Xue Yang went through, he’d sympathize with him and justify his action (thereby justifying his feelings). Instead of that, however, Xiao Xingchen calls him disgusting, and it flips a switch inside of Xue Yang. How can Xiao Xingchen call him disgusting when he’s killed people too?

I think one of the reasons Xue Yang led Xiao Xingchen to kill those people was to bring Xiao Xingchen down to his level. Xue Yang doesn’t think that anyone can be as good as Xiao Xingchen claimed to be, so he had to taint his perfect record. Maybe if he killed people, Xiao Xingchen would understand him. Xue Yang thought that when Xiao Xingchen found out, he’d stay with him. Now he’s not the same righteous person he used to be, so how could he be good enough to travel the world with Song Lan? No, he should stay with Xue Yang instead and live a happy life together.

So, when Xiao Xingchen calls him disgusting, Xue Yang was probably confused and upset, which made him instinctively put his mask back up. Being vulnerable only hurt him again, so he’s back to harsh words and smirks, telling Xiao Xingchen that this is why he’s always hated him and that all of this was fun. Fun in every sense of the word: the killing and the happiness.

Xiao Xingchen finding out that he killed Song Lan was the last straw. Xue Yang is still laughing as Xiao Xingchen slits his own throat. It takes a moment for the realization to set in, but as it does, the smile falls from Xue Yang’s lips, and his hands begin to shake. This is the third time his mask has fallen. His eyes begin to well with tears, but he tries to keep up his act, saying that dead ones are easier to control, but the only one he’s acting for is himself.

The next scene is the one that really solidified Xue Yang’s feelings for me. He cleans the blood from Xiao Xingchen’s skin with the same care that Xiao Xingchen had shown him when he first found Xue Yang in that ditch. Xue Yang clearly thinks that Xiao Xingchen is going to come back and that the ritual will work, that he staves off his tears and sets out food for both of them. He considers eating his candy but then decides he should wait until Xiao Xingchen comes back. If he’s back, then Xue Yang is sure to get another piece.

When he realizes that the ritual isn’t working and Xiao Xingchen isn’t coming back, he breaks down. The tantrum he throws is so full of rage and anguish that it really shows the depth of his feelings for Xiao Xingchen. Again, he goes back to acting, trying to guilt Xiao Xingchen’s dead body into coming back to life by telling him all the terrible things he’ll do to Song Lan and A-Qing if he doesn’t reawaken. Obviously, Xiao Xingchen can’t hear him, and Xue Yang knows this, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He finally dissolves into tears, screaming and crying over Xiao Xingchen’s corpse. This may have been the first time he’s cried since he lost his finger. Crying is for innocent, naïve children, and it doesn’t help anybody. But now Xue Yang has had a taste of pure sweetness and doesn’t want to go back to the bitter life he has known, so he finally lets himself weep for all the things he could have had.

Xue Yang spent the next seven years trying to bring Xiao Xingchen back to life with no success. We don’t know much about his activities after Yi City, but we have gotten information through rumors that Shuanghua was being used to kill innocents. It seems like Xue Yang wanted to keep a part of Xiao Xingchen with him. He even continued his sick revenge plot after Xiao Xingchen’s death by gouging out the eyes of and killing the remains of the Chang Clan, including their leader, Chang Ping, by lingchi. Xue Yang doesn’t blame himself in the slightest; he just thinks that Xiao Xingchen’s death was an unfortunate consequence of the situation. He will put the blame on anyone and everyone other than himself. Thus, instead of performing lingchi on himself like Wei Wuxian suggested, he takes out his anger on the remains of the Chang Clan.

Everything Xue Yang does in the present is tied to Xiao Xingchen, yet he still can’t bring him back. So, when he heard that the Yiling Patriarch had suddenly come back to life, Xue Yang knew it was his last chance. The sword ghost/ghost arm is what led Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji to Yi City. It was pointing to its murderer. I’m sure Xue Yang could have avoided a confrontation if he wanted, but this was intentional. As for the juniors, I have a feeling that Xue Yang was behind the cat corpses that led them to meet up with Wei Wuxian. This is still unclear though because Xue Yang doesn’t have a real reason to get them involved. The only person he needs is Wei Wuxian.

Xue Yang has tried everything at this point. So, when Wei Wuxian finds him in Yi City, pretending to be Xiao Xingchen, he is completely desperate. I do wonder if that is something he has done more than once. Did he often go around dressed as Xiao Xingchen? Was he playing with the life they had in Yi City? Pretending he was still there? Or was it a one-time thing to trick Wei Wuxian into dropping his guard? I also wonder how often he used his own sword because only after Lan Zhan took Shuanghua from him did he pull out Jiangzai. That could be because he was acting as Xiao Xingchen, but we can’t be sure. However, that isn’t the point. Right now, Wei Wuxian was Xue Yang’s only option because the Yiling Patriarch surely knew things he didn’t. Xue Yang had lived with Xiao Xingchen’s corpse for those seven years, keeping him in pristine condition. I’m pretty sure the only way Xue Yang could have done this was by giving him spiritual energy every day, which would be incredibly draining. I don’t think Xue Yang had an exceptionally strong golden core to begin with either. He is primarily a demonic cultivator, which means he doesn’t use his golden core often. It must have taken most of his strength to keep Xiao Xingchen’s body in such good condition. But anything for daozhang, right? Xue Yang needed Xiao Xingchen’s body to be perfect when he returned. He also put aside his pride and used Song Lan for protection all those years. He kept the one person he continued to hate with a burning passion around him for so long.

When Wei Wuxian tells Xue Yang he can’t bring Xiao Xingchen back to life because his soul is too broken, Xue Yang refuses to believe it. It’s been seven years already; he can’t give up now. Deep down, I believe Xue Yang knows Xiao Xingchen wouldn’t want anything to do with him even if he did come back, but he can’t figure out why. Because nothing was his fault, of course.

Something Wei Wuxian said really struck me as I went back to rewatch episode 39. Before the fight, Wei Wuxian turns to Xue Yang and says, “you disgust him to the core, yet you still want to pull him back to play this stupid game.” Xue Yang responds with “I want nothing of the kind.” And he’s being honest. He doesn’t want a stupid game — he wants something real. He wants a life where Xiao Xingchen knows his identity and stays with him in spite of it. He just wants one person to accept him as he is, but that will never, nor could ever, happen —not with all the crimes he has committed.

When Lan Wangji cut off his arm, leaving Xue Yang bleeding on the ground, I think he knew it was over. There was nothing left for him now. He was never getting Xiao Xingchen back. He never had him in the first place, not in any way that counted. So he laughs, blood spilling from his lips, to cover up the tears he wishes he could cry.

He’s ready when Song Lan stabs him, dying with a smile on his face as he gazes at the last piece of candy Xiao Xingchen had ever given him. It’s blackened and inedible, yet Xue Yang held on to it for so long; it was a reminder of his daozhang and of why he was fighting so hard. Like his character song said, he was “too determined to let go.”

It’s kind of sad that even in death, he was never respected by anyone other than Xiao Xingchen, and all of that was built on a lie. He didn’t even get a proper burial, although I suppose he kind of deserved it. Xue Yang is the character I pity the most in this series. He isn’t a good person, nowhere near it, and he deserved the end he got, but I wish things could have been different. What hurts is that it just as easily could have been Wei Wuxian. If Xue Yang had been taken in as a child; if he’d had his own Jiang Fengmian, his own Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, he could have been happier. Maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe he would have met Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan and started a sect with them. Realistically, he and Xiao Xingchen would never be lovers because Xiao Xingchen was so strongly connected to Song Lan, but I think they could have been friends.

However, one question I still have is did Xue Yang fall in love with Xiao Xingchen because of how he treated him or because of the person Xiao Xingchen really was? If they had met under different circumstances (and if Xue Yang had had a support system when he was young), would Xue Yang have still fallen in love with him? I guess that’s up to the viewer to decide.

Ultimately, Xue Yang is still a sociopath who can’t understand empathy or feel remorse, so I don’t think he regretted any of his crimes. However, I do believe that Xue Yang regretted the consequences of his actions in Yi City. He didn’t want Xiao Xingchen to die, but his actions were what caused his death. It’s more of a dissatisfaction with where things ended up than feeling guilty for his death. Although I don’t think Xue Yang felt remorseful, that doesn’t mean he wasn’t grieving, nor does it mean his feelings for Xiao Xingchen weren’t as genuine as they could have been.

I don’t know where Xue Yang or Xiao Xingchen will end up now, but I hope they’ll both be happy in their next lives. The same goes for A-Qing and Song Lan (when he finally meets his true end). There are so many things that contributed to Xue Yang’s unstable mind, but I think the moral of the story is that it pays to be kind. If just one person had taken pity on him as a child — had shown him that there was good in the world — I wonder what kind of person he would have become.

I already know how cruel fate is

Not looking, not asking, not grieving, not hating

Waiting to relive my life just for a single person

Ups and downs in life

I would leave no regrets

I tried searching in the darkness of night

When I am trapped in the past

I still hope that a flicker of light will appear in my heart

The legend of this lonely city

Who came here before?

And gifted to me my karma

I am waiting for this karma to liberate spirits, liberate souls, and liberate me

Even though I am already too determined to let go

If I get rid of these inner demons

Would you forgive me?

Gaining freedom from destiny, starting all over again

[starshipsofstarlord]

Sheer | Kai Parker

Warnings; SMUT, ANGST, and FLUFF, mentions of death, mourning, loss, mentions of murder, trauma, swearing, unprotected sex,

A/N; sorta made up a whole storyline for this imagine, may be a teeny bit different and may have gotten a little carried away, please enjoy loves

It would not uphold, the weather held a grudge against you as you trudged through the pouring rain, cursing you for thinking that you would be safe on your lonesome.

Instead of a monster, the world wished for you to drown in its falling rivers, making you shiver down to the bone. It was too cold, but you had to go there, it was a ritual.

Since the death of your boyfriend, Aaron, who was killed by Damon, someone you thought to be a friend, you felt broken.

You had tried everything to bring him back, but without the power of a witch, it was deemed impossible, and Bonnie refused to help you, claiming that it was necromancy, and far from her beliefs.

It angered you, how everybody would dismiss the lost lives that Damon took. He got a free pass, he didn’t even regret his own invalid actions.

He was a monster, and you hated him. If you couldn’t bring Aaron back, then you would instead kill his murderer. That would not only give you a sense of revenge, but also make the world a safer place. There would be one less vampire making people’s lives a misery.

“Hi there.” You stopped in your tracks, the voice sending shivers down your spine. Whilst it sounded like a man, in reality it could be anything.

The skin of a human was a disguise the majority of the time, a bloodsucker or a wolf coping inside the exterior, thirsting to break free from the walls of bones and flesh.

“Kai.” He was not exactly human, he was a witch, the one thing that you needed. You had met him through Elena, who was luckily also angered by Damon’s actions, Aaron had been her friend.

And just like that, he had died. But she hid her feelings well, pretending all was fine because she was in love with the gruelling monster that you wished to execute.

However, even though you wanted to bring back your lost beloved, the time that had passed made your mind being up the idea of moving on.

The first person that sprung into your imagination was Kai Parker, the new sociopath in town. He was new, unaware of the traumatising past experience that lingered in your heart, and not to mention, his specimen was one of beauty.

Those grey eyes, ever so curious could bore straight into your soul, and you’d gladly let him mangle it, you no longer had a use for it anyway.

“Why are you out here y/n/n?” He asked with a tilt of his head that had your heart beating profusely.

Everyone knew of his effect on you, but they told you to dismiss it. It was cruel, that they’d rather have you mourning the loss of your partner than to move on with another.

To you, it didn’t matter if he were supposed to be the enemy, you no longer wanted to fight their battles. All you desired was to be in love, with somebody that felt the same.

And whilst you doubted that Kai knew how to feel such a strong emotion, some attention wasn’t the worst thing in the world. As a matter of fact, it worked well as a distraction, it made you almost forget the grudge that you held against the eldest Salvatore.

Almost.

“It’s nothing.” You whisked the direction of the conversation away from your deceased boyfriend, not wanting to talk about him to anyone, let alone Malachai Parker.

Even thinking of Aaron caused a void to open in the middle of your chest, it was unbelievably painful. You thought some people, such as Bonnie would understand, rather than think the loss as a regular occurrence.

To put it simply, the entire ordeal was completely fucked up, and you felt much more guilty for biting your lip at the expression that Kai pulled; his eyebrows raised, and his fingers carefully running down the side of his own jaw.

Oh god, his fingers. There were so many things that you could imagine him doing with those, and from the way he waved them on a greeting, he knew that he teased the thought too.

“Basically...” he began, rolling his grey eyes with what he liked to call modesty, and you classified as boredom, “you’re stuck out in the rain, and if I’m not mistaken, you live halfway across town.”

“Stalker much?” You sneered, crossing your arms across your chest, which only made his gaze wander down, and hold their movements for a dragged out moment. “What are you looking at?” You exasperatedly sighed, only understanding when you followed his peering.

He was focused on your chest, that through your white shirt, appeared almost bare. The lace of your bra was giving him a clear frontal, and so you adjusted your arms, so that they covered more and whatever they had pushed up to peak his intrigue.

“Why am I not surprised?” Shaking your wet hair, which was pointless considering that it was still raining, you realised that you felt the creeping of the cold.

You had been oblivious to it, thinking that it was a side guest to your tears, almost a consequence. But you were no longer tearful, mostly angry at the killer that ruined your future and acted as though it were no big deal.

“I thought you were supposed to be at college.” Kai quirked his brow, proud of the fact that he knew that. However you shook your head, and watched as he removed his jacket, clasping it around your shoulders, shielding you somewhat from the weather.

It appeared as no big deal to him, but it was to you, sociopaths weren’t famous for being kind and charitable. They always had agendas, their agendas, well they were obviously sociopathic.

But from the glazing of the witch’s eyes, you only saw a lost man. He was misinterpreted by all that he knew, they treated him like an outsider, alienated him as though he were a monster, and validly that was why he was seen as one.

“No.” You whispered, confused as to why you were so complied to correct the man. “My boyfriend was killed, I don’t want to go back there, it’s clear why.”

You attempted to give him a small smile, but it came out as a pained grimace. Just the thought had your mood drained, even more so since there was no route to resurrect him.

“Oh yeah, I heard about that.” He didn’t shiver in the rain, instead he seemed comfortable simply standing there, conversing with you in the rainfall. “Damon did it, right?”

Licking your lips, you hesitantly nodded, ashamed of the fact that you had once called the vampire a friend. From the start, you were always wary of him, but eventually you managed to become close to him. And then he ruined your chance of happiness, literally sucking the life out of it.

“What a dick.” Kai was blunt with his annotation, but you couldn’t deny that he was right about them. “Sorry for your loss and all that blah blah. We should get somewhere warm though, you can tell me more.”

It was a strange feeling, you felt pulled to the male, it was as though he was one side of a magnet, and you were another. And so you accepted his invitation, and followed him, breathing in the scent of his black coat. It was much sweeter than you had expected.

🏹

His so called home was an apartment, that you no doubt expected he had convinced someone with his magic to give him rent free. Or he killed them, either or you guessed.

But the thought of death itself was one that you weren’t too keen on thinking about, not now. Instead, you’d rather enjoy the company of someone that didn’t shame you for hating and desiring to kill the one and only Damon Salvatore.

Most of your friends didn’t take you seriously, they just barked laughter, not believing, nor willing to think that you could ever commit such a sentence. But they didn’t share your pain, if they did, you were sure that they’d understand.

Matt got it, he resented the vampire and a lot of the other blood suckers too. And your certainly couldn’t blame him, he had lost his sister, and there was no reason behind her change. It had all just been a game, a gruesome one at that.

Kai lightly removed his jacket from your shoulders, hanging it on a hook to dry. He almost appeared embarrassed, having you in such a private space.

But you didn’t want him to endure such a mindset as that. Instead you smiled, brushing your damp hair out of your face, grasping his hands. They were cold, and that made you frown. No one ever cared what he had gone through, instead they just wanted to rid the world of him.

Even his family had dismissed him, all because he had been different, and treating him as such had definitely had a mind mingling affect on him. It repented an unstoppable rage inside of him, one that ended in dead children and imprisonment.

“Thankyou.” The small example of affection had Kai tilt his head awkwardly and pull his hands away from your own. He wasn’t used to people even being polite towards him, let alone openly sharing contact with him.

You should have been scared of him. Or at least somewhat repulsed, but you weren’t, and it was a first for him. Most around him taunted him with blame, or pointed out his obvious flaws.

And so he ducked his chin downwards into his chest, taking a couple of steps back, mumbling something about retrieving you a dry shirt.

As you waited for him, you peeled off the sheer layer, dropping the ball of wet material upon the ground. Your bra had soaked into your skin, but you left that on out of modesty.

When Kai returned, his mouth gaped open, eyes widening at the half undressed sight of you. But he tried to avert your gaze, blushing at your lack of attire.

“It’s okay.” You jested to him , reaching out for the clean shirt that he had brought for you. “You can look, it’s not like I’m naked.”

“Yet.” He smirked as he allowed his stare to freely roam. His voice had been small, but you had heard it as clear as day. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be thinking like that, you’re in mourning and I get that you wouldn’t want to, yknow.”

His hand gestured between the pair of you , prompting what he was talking about. But maybe he was wrong, after all, it had been a while since you had any physical intimacy, and you’d be a fool to deny that there was chemistry between you and a particular witch.

“Don’t be sorry.” You put the dry shirt aside, walking closer to the brunette. “I am in mourning, but I’m going to get my revenge, and a distraction sure wouldn’t hurt.”

“And here I thought that you were just a pretty face.” Kai’s hand drifted to the side of your face, pulling you closer so that your lips were almost brushing. His breath ghosted over your own intermingling the fumes of lust and intrigue. “But it seems that there is a darkness in that mind of yours, I’m impressed with your plans to say the least.”

“I haven’t even told you any of them yet.” Your hand drifted under the band of his jeans, plucking teasingly at the denim, licking your teeth as you made strong eye contact with him.

“Tell me after.” He ordered, grasping your hips, and clashing your bodies together. Your lips worked hungrily against each other, both pairs of your hands grabbing all that they could, you and him both desperate to hold onto anything.

Kai shoved you backward into a table, trapping you against it as his lips fell downwards, and began to suck at your neck.

But at that contact, you pushed Kai away, freezing for a moment. Damon’s teeth had been on Aaron’s neck, sinking in and draining all that be worth.

“See Elena thinks I’m a monster, and she’s right.” You were unable to move as Aaron stood against the vampire, you had been compelled, and you wanted nothing more than to scream out for Damon to stop, but there was no audio in your throat.

There was no scream as Damon bared his fangs , nor when he sunk them into your boyfriend’s neck, instead you were holding back your tears, as you had been commanded to.

He held him to his mouth for a moment before dropping his body lifeless upon the ground. And you couldn’t help but stare at the sight.

Enzo wore a content smirk, and it sickened you to your stomach. Damon turned, his thirsty eyes boring into your form, that wanted nothing more than to crumble into a million people.

“You may now speak.” His pupils found yours, engaging with your soul, that felt broken and completely shattered.

“Are you going to kill me too?” A part of you was hopeful that he would, but as he came closer, you recognised the mischief in his stance.

He had plans for you, none of which you suspected to like. “Do it, show Elena how much of a monster you really are!”

If he killed you, you’d have liked to think that Elena would be furious , but it was expected that eventually she would forgive him when he put his humanity back on.

“Or instead...” you feared his humoured expression, eyes flickering between his feet that were walking closer to you and your dead partner that lay lifelessly a couple of meters away. “I could show her how much of a monster you are.”

He bit into his wrist, bringing it towards your mouth, and as much as you felt the urge to squirm, you could do nothing more but stand there and abide his compulsion.

“Are you okay?” Kai asked, brushing his nose against your own, wanting to know if you wanted to continue. He knew that you were a victim of trauma, and he understood it’s affects.

In regards to his past, his coping method had been inflicting it in return. But you had done no foul against him, and so he would not torture you or force you into something that you had no intention of continuing.

“Yeah.” You breathed, blinking to push the memory away, temporarily at least. “Bedroom.” You ushered, squealing distractedly as he hoisted you into his arms, wrapping your legs perfectly around his waist.

He dropped you upon the mattress, hovering over you, removing his shirt after you began to tug on the dark and rain pelted material.

Leaning your elbows, you unclipped the back of your bra, discarding it somewhere far from your memory, and Kai sunk down, his lips latching onto your nipple, playing with the other in his rough hands.

“Your fucking gorgeous.” He hummed around your breast, his fingers drifting down your stomach to the band of your leggings.

His compliment made you smile, and as he ripped off your pants, he slipped a hand inside of your panties, rubbing your sensitive flesh. But you groaned, frowning at his tantalising actions.

“Just need you inside of me.” You told him, and he was more than happy to comply, so he worked on his belt, as you slipped off your own underwear, and removed the torn fabric from around your legs.

When you looked up, you noticed that he was completely bare, and already had himself in hand. There was precum balancing on his tip and at the sight you licked your lips.

“You ready?” He asked bringing his head down to your chin, placing a delicate kiss upon the bump, and teasing his other tip against your opening, swiping through your wetness and using it to lube himself up.

“God yes.” You sighed, your hands finding refuge upon the back of his shoulders, your nails sinking into his firm skin.

And so, with consent, he pushed in, groaning at the initial tightness. “And I thought that it was wet outside.” He laughed, causing you to snort, he was funnier than you had expected him to be.

It almost made you swoon, but no, you couldn’t be interested in Kai, could you? Everyone thought you had been, even Bonnie had stated that you often undressed him with your eyes in the worst of situations, but it had never been a big deal to you.

And then it hit you like a ton of bricks, with a snap of Kai’s hips. All along you had denied any interest of another man, all because of the one that you had lost. And everyone already knew that there were sparks between you and the witch, before either of you had caught on.

“Shit.” He huffed, reaching down and biting your lips, causing your eyes to flutter sensuously, and dark veins to appear underneath.

At the feeling, you tried to bury your face sidewards into the pillow so that he couldn’t see, but he held you still as he gave shallow thrusts inside of you.

“Don’t look away, I think you’re beautiful.” Him saying that alone had you almost in tears. Despite trying to bring Aaron back you feared what he would think of you when he returned, or well, if he could.

Would he think you a monster, that stood idly by when he was killed? Because if so, you’re heart would literally break, and you wouldn’t be able to bare living any longer.

Living, funny. You hardly described what you were doing as such anyways. But currently, you did truly feel alive again, perhaps that was just the affect of having a dick inside of you.

But as Kai reached down and fiddled with your clit, you knew that you were done for. Your head fell back, eyes closed and mouth open, showcasing your fangs, your orgasm hitting you like a train.

He continued his movements until he felt he was nearing his point, and then he finished too, having no worry in impregnating you as you were well, to put it lightly , dead.

Both of you panted as he pulled out and fell beside you. Your eyes stared at the ceiling, your concentration eventually broken when Kai spoke.

“Damon did it, didn’t he? He turned you.” Your face had returned to its previous disguise, you looked human once more. But it was no secret that you were now a savage, a monster like Damon.

“Yeah.” You bit your lip, trying not to cry at the thought. It was the last thing in the world that you ever wanted, but Damon knew that too. And so he had cursed you, for all of eternity.

“Then he deserves to die.” Kai stated, he was already against the Salvatores, but his hatred for them had just increased.

[therealvinelle]

What are vampires?

(Yes, I changed the title from “What is venom?” a week after publishing and after a whole set of sorry souls reblogged the post. I’m very sorry, but as I sat down to write the follow-up piece I realized that this meta is about vampires, not venom, and the title is no longer appropriate. My perfectionism got the better of me and I’m sorry.)

There’s been a lot of speculation on that in this fandom, here comes my take. It’ll split into four parts, this being part one where I look at what venom does to the human body. In part two I look at hybrids, part three I speculate on what venom is, part four I treat possible origins and raisons d’être of venom.

So, this first part is mostly me regurgitating facts. We won’t get anywhere if we’re not all agreed on what vampires are.

Also, I get very pseudo-scientific in this meta, but I have no education in biology or medicine so I could be wrong about everything. I tried to use good sources, though, so I can’t be entirely off-base.

With that out of the way, LET’S DO THIS.

To create a vampire, you infect a human with venom. This venom spreads throughout the body, altering every cell. The process is complete when the heart stops beating. If the human was injured at the time of infection, they will be healed, as long as the heart keeps beating.

Let’s go through that.

How does the venom spread?

When Bella was bitten by James, Edward was able to suck the venom out. Several minutes passed from she was bitten until Edward sucked the venom out, yet the burn was only reported to be in her hand. By contrast, anyone who’s ever had pharmaceutical administered intravenously knows that blood travels quickly. If venom travelled like any normal fluid, Bella would have said «My hand is on fire. No wait, my arm! No, wait, my torso! No, wait-» and Edward wouldn’t have been able to suck it out.

Additionally, Bella has that scar left by James. The venom had already altered the cells at the entry point.

To me, this sounds like the venom is like Pac-Man, spreading through the body by altering one cell at a time. It’s the only explanation for why it’s so slow. More on that later, though.

How does it alter the cells, and in turn the human body?

Physically, their skin is made impervious and perfectly even, their teeth are straight, razor sharp and white, their bodies impossibly strong, fast, and precise, their senses heightened to an insane degree yet they feel no pain from most physical injuries. Their digestive system is altered so they can only consume blood, preferably human blood, anything non-blood is regurgitated. They’re much more attractive than they were in life. They’re not reliant on oxygen, and their blood doesn’t circulate. They produce their own venom.

Mentally, their minds function at the capacity necessary to even utilize a body like this. They are able to process their heightened sensory input (for example, it’s the brain that interprets visual input from the eyes. For vampires to be able to see better than humans, both eye and brain have to improve), process though much faster than humans, they forget nothing, and they feel emotion and physical sensation more strongly than humans do.

Let’s go through these alterations one by one.

Skin

Frequently likened to marble, vampire skin is as hard as stone. When Bella becomes a vampire, she’s stunned Edward’s flesh now yields to her touch. Before, if she pressed her finger on him, his skin would not yield. The shapeshifters can kill vampires because their fangs are sharp enough to pierce their skin, without that advantage they couldn’t do it. No ordinary weapon could injure a vampire.

The stone skin is an armor, protecting them.

Teeth

As us humans get older, the enamel in our teeth is worn away, revealing the tooth’s underlying yellow color (the dentin). Vampires can live for thousands of years, yet their teeth remain that perfect blinding white. What changed? I see two possible explanations, one being that vampires still have enamel, and it’s too strong to ever be worn away, or they don’t have it because their teeth have been altered to the point where they don’t need a protective layer anymore, and their composition is something completely different from that of human teeth.

I think it’s the latter, as there are two other major changes reported. Their teeth have changed shape, they are now sharp enough to pierce through human or vampire skin. They’re also venomous (more on that later), able to inject anybody they bite, fellow vampires included, with venom.

There’s also the fact that vampires are changed on a molecular level, but more on that later.

Strength, speed, and precision

Meta I wrote on vampire strength disparity.

Vampires are ridiculously powerful, no upper limit (as in, «Newborn Emmett can carry 500 tonnes») is given, but whatever it is it’s high. Alice might just be the physically weakest vampire in the saga (Jane is physically smaller, but she eats properly. Alice lives on a subpar diet), but to Bella it makes no difference, Alice blows her out of the park anyway. Edward, a malnourished and not too strong vampire, is easily able to pick up entire trees by the roots, and then throw them at a small target.

As for speed, vampires move faster than the human eye can register, which according to this article means they can reach a speed of 38 146 mph! (61 390 km/h for us metric people) (Also, the traveling object used for this calculation was a ball, and the article specifies that it would be different for bigger objects. Alas I’m not going to bother my physicist friend with this, so we’re using the ball number.)

When it comes to precision, vampires exercise perfect muscle control. They’re so graceful their steps can’t be heard by humans,  Edward can famously stroke a soap bubble without popping it, and they’re able to perfectly mimic the handwriting of others (a task anyone who’s ever googled forensic calligraphy will know is next to impossible). Much of this appears to be instinctual, like a downloaded .vampire package. Knowing how to attack prey, where to bite, that all happens on autopilot. So too does running, jumping, walking (funny how their default mode, even Carlisle’s, is to walk too quietly for their designated prey to detect). Snarling, hissing, and growling are also distinctly non-human manners vampire adopt.

Senses

Heightened sight, hearing, and smell is extremely useful. It makes them much more effective hunters. The smell especially is useful here, but really, all their senses are invaluable in this. It’s great for dealing with fellow vampires as well, they can see, hear, and smell their kind coming from a far distance.

There’s an added advantage, though. As I got into here, and here, if a vampire’s memories of their human life is dull and washed out compared to their brilliant new existence, dismissing humans as equally deserving of life becomes that much easier to justify. Heightened emotions serves this same purpose, though considering their longevity I think this is another form of survival, that they’re wired not to grow bored with life (but this is really for a separate meta).

There’s also the fact that their senses have to be tuned up to 11 to fit their other enhanced abilities. There’s no use in super-speed if you can’t see where you’re going.

Vampires’ heightened senses make them more efficient predators, and help them become the bloodthirsty sociopaths we know and love.

Pain receptors, or lack thereof

Vampires feel pain when they are thirsty, when their limbs are torn off, when they are bitten by other vampires (it appears to be the venom that stings), or when subjected to a gift that induces pain (Jane, Kate). They don’t feel pain like humans do, nor do they feel discomfort (they can sit indefinitely in any position, never feeling the need to shift around.

Interestingly, it looks to me like pain serves the same function for them as it does for humans. The brain registers pain to tell us something, a biological error message. Don’t walk on that leg, it’s injured. Get your hand off the hot stove and don’t put it there again. Pain is useful.

Vampires, by contrast, are not going to get injured from someone hitting them. There are no blood vessels that can burst, no soft tissue that can burst nor bones that can break. So, no need for their brains to register that as pain. Humans need to change positions every now and then for the sake of our circulation and so we don’t develop pressure ulcers (and I’m sure there are more reasons), vampires have no circulation and, as mentioned above, their skin is armor. No pressure ulcers.

What they do need pain for, is to let them know to feed. That’s the big one, and in turn the strongest one. The pain of the thirst is unbearable, as it has to be to turn a human who was infected with venom into a killer. It’s survival. Same goes for feeling pain when their limbs are torn off, or their bodies damaged by a bite. Their pain receptors let them know to avoid this next time.

As for Jane and Kate’s gifts, this may not serve a purpose for other vampires, but it serves a purpose for Jane and Kate. It protects them. So, sucks for everyone else, but that’s what gifts do, they give the gift-haver a leg up on others.

Digestive system

Carlisle had spent many years attempting to understand our immortal anatomy; it was a difficult task, based mostly on assumption and observation. Vampire cadavers were not available for study.

His best interpretation of our life systems was that our internal workings must be microscopically porous. Though we could swallow anything, only blood was accepted by our bodies. That blood was absorbed into our muscles and provided fuel. When the fuel was depleted, our thirst intensified to encourage us to replenish our supply. Nothing besides blood seemed to move through us at all. (Midnight Sun, chapter Home)

Ignoring the horrifying fact that the context for this quote is Edward wondering if Bella’s tear could stay in his system forever, this here is extremely interesting and I agree. Partly because I can’t think of anything better, partly because Carlisle is an in-universe medical genius who’s had access to far more data than I have. He can run experiments, I can’t. Even if I came up with a theory I thought was better, if blood absorption through porous tissue is Carlisle’s best theory then there must be evidence in favor of this which I don’t have access to. So, porous tissue it most likely is.

(Also, my «Carlisle totally volunteered for vivisection fun times with Aro in Volterra» theory survives that first paragraph. Vampire cadavers might not be available for study, but live ones absolutely are, you just pick them apart and put them back together after, and bring in Corin and/or Alec so the guinea pig has a good time too. There’s no way that never occurred to Aro. Even if it didn’t, it’s bound to have occurred to someone over the years, and Aro touches a lot of people. And we know he and Carlisle discussed what vampires even were, that they were best friends and all about that science.

We also know that sometimes, your weird science experiments involving dismemberment and tripping on Corin in Volterra, stay in Volterra. The tissue is porous, Edward, DON’T ASK ME HOW I KNOW.)

This has huge implications. What happened to the digestive system they used to have?

It’s still there, but non-operational.

Middle solution: it’s recognizably there, but welded shut. At some point, whatever the vampire ingests hits an untraversable boundary, and from there the blood is absorbed while any other matter remains, undigested (though possibly dissolved by venom) until regurgitated.

The vampire’s inner anatomy is unrecognizable from that of a human. Vampires have no need for livers, bowels, gall bladders, and so on, and so these organs no longer exist, or have even been replaced by other organs (assuming vampires need any, more on that later).

My vote lies with the third option, though both second and third are possible. The first one, not so much, as it means that in theory, they could force something through their system. They can’t.

More, vampires are nothing if not extremely efficient and economical organisms. They don’t need to feel pain from a physical blow, so they don’t. Why carry around these organs they’re not using?

Then there’s what they even need their digestive system to do. Humans need the nutrients in our meals not just as fuel, but as- well, everything. We need the building blocks for our cells. Our bodies are constantly renewing themselves. Vampires, by contrast, don’t appear to do this. There’s no waste of any kind, and their skin doesn’t get flaky. Edward specifically says blood is fuel, and I think that’s a literal interpretation.

Now we’re veering into speculation territory, and this isn’t the place for it just yet as we’re veering into what venom is and does, but I think whatever digestive process vampires have, serves to turn their blood to venom. I don’t think there’s any particular organ for this, I think that’s just because that’s what happens when venom comes into contact with blood. We see it happen when humans are bitten, and I think it’s fair to assume that the same thing happens when venom comes into contact with ingested blood.

This also helps explain why animal blood isn’t equal to human blood. Animals can’t be turned to vampires, it’s blood but venom and animal blood aren’t on the same FM, so to say. So, with no better option, yes venom can make do with animal blood, but it won’t perform as well as it would with human blood. The vampire is now weaker, with the frankly terrifying side effect that their eyes change color. We’re so used to this that we just go «oh, yeah, animal blood means their eyes turn yellow. It’s like a LED light letting you know which diet the vampire is on!» when in any other organism, a chance of color like that is usually the sign of something being wrong. Blue lips, yellow sclera, red urine, all color changes that point to something not being not as it should be.

Now, to go further here would mean getting more into what venom even is, which is best saved for part three. I’ll say this, venom appears to be the only fluid in the vampire body. It’s moistens their eyes (and melts their contacts), pools in their mouth, is injected through their fangs, and the application of venom to a wound makes them heal faster. Venom is the substance they rely on, more so even than blood, their elixir of life. (My speculation on how Edward was able to impregnate Bella is reserved for the hybrid/what is venom metas).

Also, on what vampires carry over from their human bodies, I do think they’re economical enough to not fix what ain’t broken. I think this because the human nervous system is absolutely brilliant, and indeed Bella regains sensation during her transformation where her spine had once been broken and unable to communicate with her brain. Question is, of course, was this because her new vampire body still uses the human nervous system, or did Bella regain sensation because her transformation had gotten to a point where this was no longer the case?

Beauty

The beauty part has gotten some very valid criticism, as beauty is very subjective and venom makes it out to be an objective, empirically measurable unit.

To caveat first, we see in canon that not all vampires are gorgeous. James was an ugly human, and so as a vampire he’s no beauty. Maggie was emaciated and not particularly attractive, so she’s bony and not hot by vampire standards. The Cullens, by contrast, were attractive humans. Human Bella is a hottie, she pulls all the guys without issue. If she were as plain as she thinks she is, she wouldn’t get male attention. Being new is only gonna get her so far. Jasper was turned because Maria thought he was a cutie, and same goes for Emmett with Rosalie.

(There’s also a certain inherent bias - I imagine attractive people have a much higher chance of getting turned than uglies.)

More, understand that vampires don’t look human. They’re flawless, desirable, perfect, yes - but they are very distinctly not human, and humans know as much instinctively:

Like any normal human, suddenly standing just a foot away from a vampire would send adrenaline racing through his veins. Fear would twist in his stomach for just a fraction of a second, and then his rational mind would take over. His brain would force him to ignore all the little discrepancies that marked me as other. His eyes would refocus and he would see nothing more than a teenage boy. I watched him come to that conclusion, that I was just a normal boy. I knew he would be wondering what his body’s strange reaction had been about. (Midnight Sun, chapter 21, page 547)

Vampires are beautiful in the way the Nefertiti bust is beautiful. It’s perfect, otherworldly, timelessly beautiful, but looking at it you know this is a bust and not a living human woman.

With that in mind, I think some of the vampire’s unnatural beauty is… not circumstantial, but happy bonuses to their other qualities. Their perfect skin, for instance, goes a long way towards making them beautiful. Perfectly smooth, a glowing white, no disruptions like blackheads, scarring, or sweat. At one point Bella describes Rosalie as looking airbrushed. Their perfect teeth, impeccable grace, these features also help.

Now, I think when venom makes a human more beautiful, I think the big thing it does is make the features perfectly symmetrical. This by itself is immediately inhuman and unnatural, more computer generated than human, just perfect enough to tick off the uncanny valley box. This would explain the flawlessness Bella keeps describing in vampires. It also explains the disparity in beauty, the features Rosalie had to work with and get symmetrical were lovelier than the ones James had, and why they can look completely different from each other yet share that same kind of uncanny impeccability. It also explains how people of wildly different face types and ethnicities can all be beautiful, the venom won’t erase the features you had but rather refine them into the best they can be.

I do think that refinement, in addition to symmetry, happens. If it didn’t, the change wouldn’t be so radical from human to vampire. More, all vampires are described as having sharp features, Esme stands out for the fact that she retained some of her human softness. So, the venom appears to make features more angular and, well, sharp.

Aro’s description is in favor of my interpretation of vampiric beauty: 

I couldn't decide if his face was beautiful or not. I suppose the features were perfect. But he was as different from the vampires beside him as they were from me. His skin was translucently white, like onionskin, and it looked just as delicate (New Moon, page 234)

His features are flawless, meaning symmetrical. He should be beautiful, so it’s the skin that gives her pause.

There’s also the matter that beauty is observed in the body, not just the form. They all look strong and limber, even the tiniest of vampires. I imagine some of this is simply texture, that vampires are made hard, smooth, and perfect, but we have this from Bella looking in the mirror after waking up a vampire:

She was fluid even in stillness, and her flawless face was pale as the moon against the frame of her dark, heavy hair. Her limbs were smooth and strong, skin glistening subtly, luminous as a pearl. (Breaking Dawn, page 261)

Fluid even in stillness, her limbs smooth and strong. This woman was starving to death when she died. Combined with the fact that Edward, who was a sick 17-year-old, has muscle definition, it seems venom does body sculpting as well. Though it’s worth noting that hydration goes a long way towards muscle definition for humans, so the change in fluid composition in vampires could have something to do with it their limber appearance.

Then there’s the other vampire beauty markers.

Their voices are described quite unusually, with words like wind chimes, bells, or feathers. They’re beautiful, but, like everything else about vampires, inhuman. When Carlisle calls Billy on the phone, Billy immediately recognized the voice as somehow wrong, it’s too clear and sharp.

I mean, I think in part this is because their vocal cords aren’t made of soft human tissue anymore, but most likely stone. No matter what they’re made of, though, it’s no surprise that we’re not getting human voices out of them.

Their scent is appetizing to humans and other vampires alike, and serves a duel purpose. Humans are attracted to them (well, vampires are too), while vampires are able to use it for tracking purposes. It’s tremendously useful for keeping track of your territory, as randos can’t walk in and eat your food and sneak off again without leaving a trail. It’s also good for meeting up with friends, we see Carlisle and Siobhan use it for this purpose in Midnight Sun.

Circulation

The purpose of blood is to carry oxygen and nutrients to the cells. Apparently, this isn’t a need vampires have. All they need is venom. The theory that their tissue is porous adds to this, as it would mean blood travels through their body in a different manner. The porous tissue replaces circulation.

So, no circulation for vampires because they don’t need it.

This meta is now getting ridiculously long, so I’m putting the venom production section in the venom meta.

The transformation

The transformation is complete when the heart stops beating. The former human is now a vampire, and no longer reliant on a heartbeat, nor oxygen. In this they are different from hybrids.

As for the process itself, I think that as the venom spreads, it starts multiplying on its own. This is why it took longer for Carlisle than it did Bella, she was bitten and injected multiple times and on every part of her body while Carlisle was grazed on the arm. Bella had more venom that could work on her, Carlisle did not. These facts support my theory of the slow spread of venom.

I’ve played with the thought of the transformation happening in stages, where the first act is the spread of the venom, which then spreads throughout the body and heals the body to put it at default, the second act is the bodysculpting, and the third act the finishing touches. It doesn’t quite fit with venom transforming as it goes, though, so I’m very hm on that.

A few observations:

Activity level doesn’t appear to help spread the venom. Carlisle exerted himself, and his transformation took far more time than normal (though lying still instead of contorting in agony probably doesn’t help in that regard). Bella laid still as a corpse, and her transformation took far less time than normal. The venom spreads in its own time, regardless of what the blood circulation is up to.

Going by the accounts of the Cullens, while the pain is constant, the transformation hurts increasingly as the venom spreads.

Bella was severely injured, and needed to be healed before she could even feel all the pain. Her broken spine, for instance, meant she couldn’t feel below the waist.

Carlisle said it’s «easier if the blood is weak» (cryptic much?! Not making it easy for me, dude. Though as this was said in the context of Edward explaining that Carlisle would only turn someone already dying, I do think he’s referring to what it’s like for vampires, though, that humans are not so tempting if they’re half dead.)

Healing

Now we’re veering into the venom meta, but: the transformation fixes anything that could impede the vampire’s function. Bella would get nothing done with her post-birth broken body, and so she’s fixed up for her. Alice’s emaciation means she’s thin and less strong than others, it doesn’t physically prevent her from doing anything.

The venom, it appears, heals the human not because it’s being altruistic, nor to make the vampire more appealing to others, but to make the human into an ideal host. BUT MORE ON THAT IN THE VENOM META.

With that, my god we’re done. And this meta is  words in total, an ugly number.

Lastly, I know that putting a read more at the end of a 4k long meta is the worst joke in the world (RIP to you poor souls scrolling past this. My reason for not being a read more kind of gal to be found here)

Nothing yet, I’m afraid.

[mp100fanworkstranslation]

Better than when you found it -Part 2-

Part 1 Here

-The Second Day: Saturday- 

Ekubo: Yawwwwn~~What are we doing today?

Reigen brushing teeth: There’s a DVD rental kiosk around the corner. Wanna check it out? 

Mob: Yes I’m here

Reigen: Wait, Mob what? (btw you have foam on your face.)

Mob: Weren’t you asking me where I was?

Reigen: No?

Serizawa pops out: Did someone say movie?!

Mob thinks: I keep hearing someone calling my name.

One unspecified adult: What movies are we getting?

Another unspecified adult: Lets go take a look at what they have.

--20 Minutes Later--

Unspecified Adult: Alright! What do we have? 

(It’s not specified who is speaking here, but based on the speech form it’s either Reigen or Ekubo, not Serizawa)

Ekubo reads: The Hunger Games?

Someone else: We’ll that’s....

Mob: I’ve heard of it before.

Ekubo: Yeah?

Mob: Master told me about it. -He holds up a clothes hanger-

Mob puts the clothes hanger on his head: Yeah! Hunger Games!

Ekubo: Um....

Reigen: NO NO, That’s not it.

(Can someone explain this reference to me? I’ve never seen the Hunger games. I have no idea what this is about.)

Somebody: Whatever. Lets try it. 

There is a loud scream from the TV. Serizawa is startled into dropping his tea tray. Ekubo covers Mob’s eyes. 

Reigen is pissed: WHO PICKED THIS VIOLENT FILM?! Take care of Mob!

Mob peeling Ekubo’s hands off his face: Um... I’m fine with it. I just.....I just feel like something is wrong. 

(He’s actually referring to the presence of the spirit in the apartment. He’s been talking about it since the first panel. The adults are having too much fun they forgot.)

Reigen: You.....You’re not likeing this violence are you?  hmmmmmm

Reigen: Okay Mob! Listen up! I’m gonna teach you the right way to approach media like movies and TV.

You gotta put yourself in the shoes of the protagonist.

(I LOVE THE WAY THIS PANEL IS DRAWN. The framing of the panel is encouraging and mentorly, like a coach telling his player to go out there and do his best, ........except it’s Reigen...teaching Mob to watch movies.... He’s 14, I’m sure he’s seen movies before.)

Reigen puts his hand on Mob’s shoulder: You think you can do it? 

Mob: um....

Reigen: Try it out! I guarantee you’ll get a different experience out of it.

Mob is watching intently while all three adults look bored. The room is filled with fighting sounds.

Mob: That looks like it hurts.

Reigen looks over at Mob and fails to notice the rustling behind him. 

Reigen’s Phone Rings: Crap I forgot

Mob: Is it a client?

Reigen: Yeah

Reigen: I’m just going to go on my own, it’ll be quick.

Ekubo: Are you gonna be okay on your own?

Reigen: Yeah it’s fine, It’s just an in-office consultation. I’ll be back at around noon.

Mob: Okay, see you later

Reigen: yep

Ekubo: So.... what are we gonna do?

Serizawa: Ummmmm

(I like how Ekubo hangs out on top of Mobs head, the way he does all the time as a spirit.)

Serizawa gets an idea looking at the microwave: How about we cook while waiting for Reigen to return?

Mob: That’s a good idea, he’d be hungry when he comes back Mob thinks: I don’t know how to cook though. 

Ekubo rolls up sleeves: Lets do it! It’s not like we’re busy. I’ll show you my signature dish!

Serizawa: Ekubo-kun...

Ekubo: Alright lets divide up  the work.

Mob: Okay

Serizawa: ah! Yes!

They start cooking. Mob cuts himself chopping vegetables.

Serizawa: Ah! You’re bleeding!  Mob: Ow ow... Ekubo: You cut yourself AGAIN?!

They’re almost done.  Mob: Im hungry Ekubo making fried rice. Should we make something more than just this? Serizawa: Ah, we can add a salad!

It’s 12:42

Reigen Returns: Ugh this place is so far from the office. I’m starving.

He’s jiggling the key in the lock: lock is acting up again. 

Huh?

(This is a callback to the beginning when he was working the lock, he told everyone to do things in pairs to avoid being possessed. He forgot and went off on his own.) Reigen gets possessed

The door clatters and he enters the apartment. 

Mob: ah! Master! Welcome back!

Mob: Master?

Reigen: What have you guys busied yourself with? 

Ekubo: Um.... what?

Serizawa: We made lunch

Mob: eh? ehhh?

Reigen:THIS is what you’ve decided to whittle away the last few hours on?

(This is so hard to translate, but it’s what I love about translating. His word choice here is saying that 1. they acted without permission. 2. they did something that wasted time, and resources and was ultimately unnecessary. 3. they’re screwing around like children.)

Reigen: No one asked you to do this. Why you did is beyond me. 

Others: ?!

Reigen: I put a lot of effort into planning what foods to bring and what the meal plans were going to be.

(Reigen doesn’t normally have light colored eyes. That’s a nice touch.)

Ekubo is looking at Mob

Mob: I....Im sorry

Ekubo remembers how eager mob wanted to cook for Reigen, how he cut him self trying. 

Serizawa: Mr. Reigen, this is very unlike you. Is something wrong?

Ekubo to Reigen:  I don’t like your tone.

Serizawa: Ekubo-kun!*

Ekubo: Look, I’m not sure what’s gotten into you but.......

Reigen: Hmm?

(*This wasn’t made all that clear in the manga, but Serizawa is ALWAYS very deferential around Reigen. He’s never direct with him, meekly suggests things rather than outright stating them. He doesn’t treat their relationship as that of equals, he’s the subordinate and he expresses this in the language he uses and the tone he takes. As opposed to Ekubo who is direct and not afraid to confront Reigen. Ekubo’s pronouns, word choice and tone expresses the belief that he is an equal if not better than the people around him.

Which is why Serizawa is shocked that Ekubo is so direct. Like, How could he just outright say “I dont like your tone” TO Reigen?)

Reigen: got something to say? 

Ekubo: ....how dare you? What gives you the right?

Serizawa: ....?

Reigen: What gives YOU the right? It’s not YOUR body. It’s not like I asked you to possess this man. You did that yourself. 

Serizawa notices that there’s something on Reigen: Ekubo-kun w...wait!

Ekubo: Bastard, if you don’t stop running your mouth....

Reigen smiles: Hmmm? Are you not an evil spirit? You REALLY think you live a normal human life again? 

(I love that panel with Reigen’s silent open-mouthed smile, he knows he’s won.  He’s gonna pull the trigger now.)

Ekubo: ..... I see 

Mob: Eku~ Ekubo: I understand now. -He walks out and closes the door being him-

Mob stands at the door: Ekubo?

Serizawa: Ekubo-kun

(AAAHHH I LOVE HOW YOU DON’T SEE EKUBO’S EXPRESSION IN THE FIRST PANEL THERE)

Reigen: Enough.... he’s so much trouble.

Mob is still at the door:..... Ekubo

Mob: When we were cooking, he said....

Ekubo: He’s considerate in a way.... For an evil spirit like me, he treats me no different than anyone else around him.... that’s something. 

Mob: Eventhough Ekubo is an evil spirit, and a dangerously powerful one at that,... he’s an uncharacteristically a good person.

Mob opens the door and runs outside after him. 

TO BE CONTINUED

I like this part SO GODDAMN MUCH. Reigen is really good at reading people and knowing what to say. He can use his words to get people to feel how he wants them to, and the idea of him getting possessed and unleashing his ability on other people to destroy them is so goddamn cool. 

You’ve heard of Empaths. They are people that easily understand the emotions of others. But in psychology, there’s a lesser known personality type called a “Dark Empath” that can understand peoples feelings well but is also a sociopath that has no problems hurting other people.

Dark Empaths use their understanding of other people to hurt, defraud and other take advantage of others. These are people that convince others to commit suicide or charm people out of their life savings etc.

I wish there was more Dark Empath! Reigen fics. This is something I’ve not seen in Fanfiction, in fact, this comic is the only place I’ve seen it. It’s such an interesting concept. Like, if there were fics that cast him as a villan, then it’s perfectly in-character and logical for him to be a Dark Empath.

[leossmoonn]

See You Again

masterlist 

pairing - stefan salvatore x fem!reader

type - fluff, angst

note / request -  “okay a stefan fic where the reader was dating stefan and instead of elena kai puts y/n into a coma, and then stefan and y/n share their last dance and all, and she tells him to live his life to the fullest, and its all so angsty and cute at the same time” ok so i dont really remember exactly how kai putting elena in a coma went down cuz i haven't watched tvd in a while so just bear with me lol

summary - you and stefan have one last dance before you go into a coma

warnings / includes - mild language, kissing, fighting, ugly crying lol

————

*gif isn’t mine*

“Dammit!” Stefan exclaimed, throwing a vase at the wall. 

More tears streamed down your face in hot droplets as you saw Stefan unravel in front of you. 

“I’m so sorry, Stefan,” you cried, taking your sleeve and wiping the snot that was running down your nose. 

Stefan turned to you, tears shining in his eyes. He looked at you with guilt, walking over and pulling you into his arms. 

“It’s not your fault, sweetheart. It’s Kai’s,” Stefan apologised. 

You wrapped your arms around his middle, squeezing him so hard. You cried into his shirt, savouring how hugging him felt as you knew it would be one of the last times. 

“W-Why would he do this?” You sobbed. “Because he’s evil and hates us all. God I just… I just wish you didn’t fall victim to him. Why couldn’t Matt be the one?” Stefan asked. 

You let out a breathy laugh. “That’s not nice, Stef.”

“It’d be better than the love of my life being ripped away form me,” he chuckled sadly. 

You buried your face into his chest, taking a deep breath of his scent. 

“Aw, so sweet,” Kai taunted. 

Stefan pulled away from you immediately, standing in front of you for protection.

“Get out of here, Kai,” Stefan warned. “Or what? I’m not gonna undo the spell,” Kai grinned. 

“If you don’t get out of here, I’m going to kill you,” Stefan threatened, red enveloping his green irises. 

“Oh, I’m so scared. You know, I’m not the only one that’s a vampire, Stefan,” Kai smirked, fangs of his own coming out of his gums. 

“Well, I’m a stronger vampire than you Kai,” Stefan muttered, running towards Kai. 

“And I’m a heretic,” Kai said simply, putting up his hand and making Stefan fly across the room. 

“Stefan!” You shrieked, running over to him. Kai flung you to the other side of the room, a good 20 feet away form Stefan. You groaned as the back of your head hit the shelf of bookcases. 

Kai stalked over to you, using magic to pick you up and dangle you in the air. Stefan got up, recovering quickly from hitting the wall. 

“Don’t you dare touch her!” Stefan demanded. 

“So cute how you think you can stop me,” Kai grinned at Stefan. 

He used his other hand to hold Stefan back. You watched as Stefan struggled against Kai’s magic, but it was no use. Kai turned his head back to you, smiling at you maliciously. Your eyes grew wide as Kai made his vampire face, pulling you closer to him with his magic. You struggled, trying to break his spell, but you knew it was no use. This was how you were going to die. Being sucked dry by a sociopathic heretic. 

“Can’t wait to taste your blood,” Kai muttered. 

“No you don’t!” Damon exclaimed, taking a stake and plunging it into Kai’s heart. 

Kai gasped and you and Stefan were let go immediately. Before you could drop to the ground, Stefan sped over to you, catching you in his arms. You wrapped your arms around him in relief, watching Kai turn pale and veins appearing all over him. He fell back onto the floor, his lifeless eyes staring at the ceiling. You looked at Damon, a grateful smile on your face. 

“Thank you so much, Damon,” you said. 

“No problem. I wasn’t about to let my brother and my best friend get killed by some psycho. It’s bad enough you’re gonna be in a coma for the next 60 years,” Damon smiled at you. 

You laughed, getting down from Stefan’s arms. You hugged Damon tightly.

“I’m gonna miss you, D,” you said into Damon’s shoulder. 

“I’m gonna miss you, too, Y/n/n. But hey, I’m gonna be well and alive for when you wake up. And so is Stefan,” Damon reassured you. 

You pulled away and nodded, giving him a sad, small smile. 

“Hey, before you go, we have a surprise for you,” Damon said. 

You furrowed your brows, “What surprise?”

“You’ll see,” Stefan said. You turned to him, “Tell me.”

“Nope. C’mon, we don’t got a lot of time,” Damon said. 

You nodded and Stefan took your hand. You three walked out of the Salvatore house. You gasped in surprise and shock as you were met by all your friends. They were all holding flowers, candles all around them, looking at you with sad, but hopeful smiles.

“What’s all this?” You asked. 

“One last chance to say goodbye,” Stefan explained. 

“Did you plan this?” You looked to your boyfriend. 

“You bet,” he nodded. 

“Oh, I love this so much,” you sighed happily. 

“We’re going to miss you so much, Y/n,” Caroline said, her voice cracking at the thought of being without her best friend for 60 years. 

Tears welled up in your eyes as everyone else started crying. 

“I’m going to miss you guys so much, too,” you breathed out. 

They all hugged you tightly as you cried. You wrapped around your arms around them, trying to hug every single one of them. You pulled away, coming face to face with Matt, Jeremy, and Tyler.  

“Good luck out there, guys. I’m so honoured to have known you and grow up with you. Maybe we’ll meet aga-” you started, but you were interrupted. 

“Woah, woah woah, you’ll still see us when you wake up,” Tyler cut you off. 

“Yeah, right,” you scoffed. “No, really. Bonnie put a preservation spell on us,” Jeremy explained. 

Your eyes widened and you looked to Bonnie. “Really?!” Bonnie shrugged sheepishly. “It’s the least I could do. It’s my fault you're going into this coma.”

You shook your head and put your hands on her shoulders, looking into her eyes sternly. “Bonnie Bennett, don’t you dare blame yourself. This is all Kai’s fault. I don’t want you to feel bad about this for one moment, okay? Please promise me that.”

Tears rolled down Bonnie’s face and she nodded furiously, pulling you into one last hug. 

“Good,” you whispered, shutting your eyes tightly while you hugged her. 

“We’ll document every single day for you,” Elena promised. 

You pulled away from Bonnie, giving Elena a laugh. “You guys don’t have to do that.”

“Oh, please. If we didn’t, then the first thing you would do when you wake up is complain about how we didn’t document,” Damon remarked. 

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, yeah.”

“We have one last surprise for you. Well… I do,” Bonnie said. 

You nodded and watched her as she held the rose in front of her, using her magic to hold it up in the air. You let out a choked laugh as she was doing the  spell she did when she first showed you she that was a witch six years ago. 

The petals detached from the stem. You looked up as you watched them swirl around you. Bonnie then set them gently on the top of your head, putting the petals together and making them into a flower crown. 

“Now you’ll always have something to remember me by after I die,” Bonnie smiled. 

You laughed, “Oh, Bon, thank you so much. Thank you all. I-I can’t thank you enough.”

“Well, you’re our friend, Y/n. We love you,” Caroline said. 

Your lips came down into a pout as you knew it was time to say goodbye for the last time. 

“All right, let’s let the love birds have their final last moments,” Damon said. 

“What?” You cocked up a brow.

“Well, we know how much you love Stefan. We thought it would be nice if you and him were able to the spend the last moments of your life together,” Elena explained. 

“Oh, you guys,” you cried. 

“You love us, we know. Go and have fun with Stefan. We’ll see you really soon, okay?” Matt assured. 

You nodded, giving them all a watery smile. You watched with a shattered heart as they all walked away, disappearing into the night. Stefan appeared in front of you, holding his hand out. 

“May I have this last dance, m’lady?” Stefan asked. 

You giggled and nodded, slipping your hand into his. “Why, of course, kind sir.” 

Stefan smiled as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him. Music then started playing. It was your and Stefan’s song, “City of Angles” by The Miracles. You smiled genuinely at the music, swaying in the entry way of Stefan’s house. You tried to think of anything else but you going into a coma. You tried to think of this moment as a date idea Stefan thought up. You tried to think of this moment as the moment before Stefan would propose to you, but nothing worked. Your smile faltered as your mind thought deeply into the idea of you being away from Stefan and your friends for 60 years. 

Stefan noticed your brows furrow as you tried not to cry. He smiled sweetly, unwrapping one arm from your waist and moving his hand up to your cheek, cupping your jaw. His thumb wiped away the tears that were rolling down your cheeks.  

“It’s going to be all okay,” Stefan assured you. 

“No, it’s not,” you put your head down. 

“Look at me, Y/n,” Stefan said softly. He waited patiently as you lifted your head up slowly. You looked into his eyes with fear and sadness. His face mirrored your emotions, but he decided to say uplifting words. 

“60 years is nothing. You’re going to be asleep and I… I’m going to be desiccated. It’ll be like accidentally passing out because your math homework is so boring, and waking up five minutes later only for it to be the next day.” You smiled at his comparison. You shook your head, though, knowing that it wasn’t going to be the same. 

“Bonnie’s going to be dead, Stefan. Who knows, maybe Elena, Damon, and Caroline will be killed. O-Or what if Bonnie dies early and her preservation spell wears off of Tyler, Matt, and Jeremy and they’ll all be old when I come back? What if… What i-if you d-die?” Your voice broke at the thought of you waking up to absolutely no one.

Stefan put his other hand on the side of your face, bringing your face up to look him in the eyes. You stared at him, breathing heavily from getting yourself worked up. 

“I’m not going to die. Neither are Elena, Caroline, and Damon. Tyler, Jeremy, Matt will be just fine. We’ll make sure Bonnie lives her life to the fullest, too. We’ll make sure she doesn’t blame herself for this, because you’re right, it isn’t her fault,” Stefan promised. 

You nodded, “Promise me something else.”

“What is it?” Stefan nodded eagerly. “Don’t desiccate,” you demanded. 

“I’m not living 60 years in pain and sadness. I want to wake up when you wake up,” he argued. 

You shook your head, licking your chapped lips. “No, you are going to live. You’re going to document all your days for me. Wether it’s in a journal or on a video camera. You’re going to wake up everyday, go and hang out with our friends, travel around the world, maybe find a-a new love,” you shrugged, listing all the possibilities. 

“I’m not going to fall in love with anyone else,” he shook his head.

You chuckled, “I…I know. But please, just promise you won’t desiccate. For me?”

Stefan sighed and nodded. “All right. I’ll stay alive.”

You smiled happily, pulling him closer. Stefan’s hands moved back down to your waist as you put your head on his shoulder. You two swayed hips as another song played. You let out a sob as you knew it would be midnight soon. 

“I don’t want to leave you,” you said hoarsely.

Stefan exhaled sadly, holding you tighter. “I know, baby. I don’t want you to leave either, but we have no choice.”

You lifted your head up, pressing a slow, painful, and passionate kiss to Stefan’s lips. You furrowed your brows as you kissed him hard, savouring every last bit of the feeling of his lips on yours, his scent, how his arms held you close to him, how in love you were with him. Your fingers entangled themselves into his hair as Stefan’s hands held the small of your back. 

Stefan pulled you back, tears rolling down his face. “I love you.”

“I love you,” you nodded. Tears cascaded down your fast in clumps, running down your chin and down to your neck. Mucus gathered at the bottom of your nose, your brows knitted together as you let out quiet, strangled sobs. 

“You look beautiful. You know that?” Stefan grinned. 

You sniffled, “No, I don’t.”

“No, you. You’re the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. You’re the most beautiful girl I will ever see.”

“Oh, Stef. You’re making it so hard to go,” your bottom lip pouted out and started to quiver. 

“Just trying to milk the last seconds that we have together,” he chuckled sadly. 

You gave him one last smile, pressing your lips to his one last time. You kissed him tenderly, gripping the base of his neck. Your tears mixed with his as your cheeks rubbed together gently. Stefan’s hands rubbed your back soothingly. He  pulled away from the kiss, setting his forehead against yours. 

“I’ll see you again, sweetheart.”

————

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@123cxcv​ @lilsalvawhore​ @kaitieskidmore1​

[starlingflight]

20 Questions Writers Edition

Thank you to @justfinishthis for the tag :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Nine

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

176,826

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Just Harry Potter, I’m a purist! 

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Everything I Wanted - Hinny’s relationship from the day after the kiss to the day of the break up during HBP. 

Fallin’ All in You - The week leading up to the Hinny kiss during HBP. 

A Bit of Both - Each of the Weasley’s finding out about Hinny - Missing moments from HBP & DH. 

Career Advice - One-shot: Harry and Ginny discuss Ginny’s ambition to play pro-Quidditch. Set before the Ginny/Dean break up. 

A Two Step Process - Harry buying Ginny’s engagement ring and proposing. 

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes, because I LIVE for comments. Seriously, readers who take the time to leave comments on fics, please know you are making that writers day and we all love you very, very much. 

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Everything I Wanted  - I did an epilogue with a somewhat happy ending but it’s still full of angst. 

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Probably A Two Step Process, but I think the ending of Fallin’ All in You is happier just because you have to go through several chapters of longing and angst to get there. 

8. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t write crossovers. I can see the appeal but I think if I attempted to, it would quickly devolve into pure fan-service with very little of substance in the actual writing. I will leave the crossovers to those more talented than I. 

9.  Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No. I’ve had comments where people disagree with me and I’ve had to give myself a shake and remember not to take it personally (Thank you, Three Broomsticks Discord Server, for giving me perspective!). Everyone is entitled to their own interpretation and if we all read the text the same then fan fic would be extremely limited and boring.

10. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I have written some smut; I haven’t posted any of it. My goal is to one day get the confidence to post it! 

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No. What kind of sociopath would do that?? 

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope... if anyone wants to though, send me a message and we can work it out :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, I see people doing this and there are a lot of amazing writers within fandom that I would be honoured to work with, but I’m not sure my writing process really lends itself to co-writing. Maybe I’ll give it a try in the future! 

14.  What’s your all time favorite ship?

Harry/Ginny - does it even need to be said? 

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I started writing a fic where Harry and Ginny don’t get back together immediately after the war and there’s so much angst and longing in it and there’s a scene at the end that I really, really love but keeping them apart without making one or both act out of character is near impossible so I doubt I’ll ever finish it. 

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character - I love getting inside a character’s head and writing in their ‘voice’

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot - I just want to write cute character interactions and having to build plot around it is daunting sometimes. 

Transitions - moving from one scene to another can be such a challenge. 

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it’s really cool when people include little details like this. In Britain there isn’t a very big focus on learning other languages so I would not feel confident in trying to include other languages in my fic, unless I checked it with someone fluent before posting. 

Just trying to write in Fleur’s dialect is quite a challenge for me, as anyone who has read my author’s notes will tell you! 

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter! 

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

My favourite is Everything I Wanted - it’s the reason I started writing and it truly is a labour of love. I’d never written anything aside from school work before I wrote the first scene for it (though it wasn’t the first thing I posted). I was so sad when I posted the last chapter. 

Special mention to A Bit of Both, though. It was so fun writing from so many different characters perspectives. 

Nearly everyone I speak to has already been tagged, so tagging a few people from discord who’s writing I really like and I happen to know the tumblr URLs for! This was long, so please don’t feel pressured to do it! :)

@sweeethinny @velvethopewrites @but-now-imyourdaisy

[chongoblog]

Zero Time Dilemma Review/Ramble

Okay, so if you’ve been following me, you know that I’ve gotten into the Zero Escape series, famous for 999 and Virtue’s Last Reward, streaming both games. I recently took the time to experience the last game, Zero Time Dilemma by watching cutscenes rather than playing it proper mostly because A) I heard it was REALLY dark and didnt want to risk it on Twitch and B) I wanted to experience it more freely like while I’m at work.

After experiencing it. I have......feelings about it. And because there’s MASSIVE spoilers involved, I’m making it its own post under the ReadMore below.

tl;dr LOADS of bullshit, flawed execution, and stupid decisions, but still REALLY enjoyed it

Okay so a LOT of this is going to be complaining, and like I said in the tl;dr I still legit enjoyed this game, so I’m gonna make this a compliment sandwich by saying something nice now, loading up on complaints, then ending with more compliments. Carlos is good. So is Sean. Sigma being voiced by Matthew Mercer actually makes him more interesting imo. I REALLY like Phi’s new design and the way they build on the initial concepts brought up in VLR more accurately portray the ideas that started all the way back in 999, that being the idea of taking thoughts across timelines, just like the player. From the beginning, the theme/gimmick was always “what if your character remembered information when you savescummed?” In 999 that began as flashes of information, and in VLR the characters’ consciousness actually time traveled at the very end. ZTD now uses the idea of the consciousness traveling across time and space and RUNS with it. I also think that Delta has a cool design.

I’ll be nice again later, but now for the things I Did Not Like.

Emo Moody Junpei makes sense from a writing standpoint, but that doesn’t mean I have to like him. Maybe I just got spoiled since Evan Wilson did a spectacular job with his deliveries in 999 and in ZTD it seems like his soul got sucked out. Not the fault of the delivery as much as it is the writing. Eric is bad, and I feel like that statement isn’t controversial. I don’t think anyone likes Eric, and if you do, then sorry for shitting on him so much, but god I just don’t like him. And the abusive childhood thing doesn’t give me a drop of sympathy, but then again I’ve always hated the writing trick that “this person is shitty and pathetic but it’s because abuse!” (see also Mikan). Diane is boring (sorry).

But I fuuuuuckin HATE Mira. I hate Mira so much. Like, at first I thought she’d be alright, yeah she’s definitely The Boob Character™, but I liked Lotus well enough and Alice grew on me significantly, so I don’t see why Mira won’t. Then she’s like “surprise I’m a serial killer”. Now if they just made her a serial killer, it would be kinda boring so I’m glad they TRIED something new. I just think the result was bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. Like....”hmm I never felt any emotions so when my mom told me they were kept in hearts I just ripped em out of people :)” is some garbage I’d write in middle school when I felt especially edgy. Also yeah seems p ableist. I won’t go too deeper into Mira, since she’s a sociopath and I don’t know enough about the actual disorder to put a candle to the real thing, but....bleh.

I won’t touch on THIS aspect for too long because I’m aware that it had barely any budget and it wouldn’t have happened without a kickstarter (don’t know the details), but the animation is just....so stiff. It really takes away from the dramatic impact some scenes are meant to have. But even IF the animation wasn’t stiff, I still am not a big fan of the darker and moodier direction it went. Although that’s moreso down to personal preference. Final note about the presentation (which is by far the game’s weakest aspect) is that I noticed multiple points in the sound mixing got to nearly Sonic Adventure 2 levels of being unable to understand what people were saying.

Alright. Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Let’s talk about Delta. This is going to make up a MAJORITY of this post so strap in.

Delta is a meme. There’s no other way to say it briefly. He’s just such a huge fucking meme. Almost everything about him, from his plan to his “complex” motives to his backstory to his powers. I mentioned liking his design, but fuck it. That’s a meme now too. Delta is the stupidest part of the game, and as much as I kind of love it, I also need to complain about it.

First let’s talk about Delta’s plan (because it starts with the nicest part of this segment). His motives are “complex” which is actually greek for “he’s probably either a liar, an idiot, or both”. I said there was nice things, so I’ll start with those. The very ending’s “ah ah ah. I never killed any of you in this timeline. If you arrested someone for crimes of another history, there would be criminals everywhere” was something I actually legitimately enjoyed. Yeah, intent was still there and he’s still a bastard (plus there was kidnapping and non-consensual drugging involved so kind of a stupid take), but I still thought it was a fun attempt. And also the “I had to make sure I was born” thing is a mindfuck, and I love those. Basically the first retort is “well I’m alive, right? So I don’t need to make sure I was born with powers because I WAS born with powers, which means it happened in another universe. So I don’t have to.” Only to then realize that we’re just in the universe where he DID do that but then the only justification is “someone had to” right? Wrong. Let’s talk about the rest of his “complex” motives

So I give a pass to “I had to make sure I was born”, but now we see why he had to do this whole deal and what he declares at the end of the game. That there’s some religious fanatic who intends to blow up the world and completely end humanity. And he released Radical-6 in the VLR timeline hoping that it would kill the terroris only killing 4 billion people instead of 6 billion people. In the timeline at the end of ZTD, he says that they had used this experience to hone the skills of the Shifters that way they could use their newly honed take down the religious fanatic WITHOUT Radical-6 and save the world.

What?

Now......before I tear into this.....I have ONE nice thing to say. The “unleash radical 6 and kill 4 billion vs let a terrorist end humanity” gambit IS cleverly foreshadowed with the radical 6 decision game with Q Team. But also wouldn’t that have made, like 1800 times more narrative sense to give that decision game to team D who KNOWS the impact of radical 6, or team C who he explains this plan to later on? Damn, even my nice thing was backhanded. Alright let’s REALLY tear into it.

FIRST of all, this is the exact same plot of Virtue’s Last Reward. Only difference is that somehow Akane and Junpei are just as skilled at this technique as Sigma and Phi despite the latter going to do Moon Training (granted the moon training was also to give them enough of a jump to go back 45 years). Speaking of Virtue’s Last Reward, this game also reveals that Delta is Brother, the leader of Free the Soul. A group of religious fanatics. So I wouldn’t be especially shocked if the religious fanatic is working with Free the Soul. But for the sake of this argument, let’s just say they aren’t with FtS. How in the Flavor-Blasted FUCK does he know this? Did somebody Shift back from that timeline and then just get Mind hacked (and we’ll fUCKING talk about Mind Hacking dont you worry)? How would that be the only piece of information known about the end of the god damn world? And if there IS more, then why the fuck wouldn’t you tell them the information? How does he know that it’s inevitable when apparently a god damn snail can unleash Radical-6?

I call bullshit on the “religious fanatic” thing. Wanna know why? Because at this point, Delta had already founded Free The Soul. He started this shit in 1938. At this point in time, he and the rest of the Free the Soul had already kidnapped Alice’s dad to create clones of his dead brother. He was pushing for a new world order and then in the VLR timeline, tried to PREVENT this whole thing from happening by sending Dio to the Moon. So if he actually gave a shit about “honing their abilities” then why would he do everything in his power to stop it? There is ONE out that there can be, but it’s something not even HINTED at (and I’ll talk about this later), but I think that "religious fanatic” is a big ol’ lie that he made up to try and save face when he was faced with a consequence, but even that explanation makes no sense since he’s like “lol shoot me if u wanna I wont mind hack you”

And let’s talk about mind hacking. Let’s fucking talk about Mind Hacking. Adding Mind Hacking was stupid, completely pointless, out of left field, and actively makes Delta a worse character. For those that don’t know, Mind Hacking is an ability that only Delta has (and I guess the player character technically but that’s a whole meta thing from VLR that doesn’t get followed up on) where you can read people’s minds and also fuckin control them. Why? Why was this necessary, ZTD? You wanna know what I thought was really neat? When I saw that different timelines produced different X-Codes. I thought “oh shit, I know this is Game Stuff, but the sheer foresight of the villain to do that? That’s some Moriarty shit.” It would require some insane explanations, but we’ve had enough sci-fi that we could imagine with enough advanced tech, you could set up systems that could use conditionals to give certain responses based on certain outcomes. Like if someone dies after the decontamination room button is pressed, then the central computer outputs a different X-Code than if it’s after the initial vote. Just make up a new tech that accounts for Shifting (plus the QUANTUM COMPUTER you have RIGHT THERE) and you could make a villain with so much calculated foresight that he’s just a god damn genius. But no. Mind hacking. None of that interesting stuff, just “lol I read ur mind idiot”. No outwitting anyone, just “lol get mindhacked eric u scrub bang bang”.

Honest to god, honest to FUCKING god, do you want to know how cool the final cutscene would have made Delta look if he walked out and just KNEW what happened in another timeline because of his plans. Like everyone recognizes him as Delta and he just goes “ohoho I see you had a fun time in my other timeline” using that deduction alone. But nah, he’s just like “yo I just mindhacked y’all, nice experience y’all had” I hate mind hacking so much. There’s no part of his plan where he NEEDED to mind hack in order to succeed that could have been written without mind hacking.

Now there’s a bit of a missed opportunity here that could both make mind hacking relevant, made his motive not shit, and also maybe even developed him into a SUPER interesting character! I know this is a bit fanfic-y, but hear me out. Make Delta a VICTIM of the stable time loop/bootstrap paradox. For those who don’t know, the bootstrap paradox is when time travel makes certain events happen seemingly out of thin air since they are their own cause. Basically it’s this clip from Milo Murphy. This is something that seems like it’s KINDA there in the subtext, but if they actually dove into it, they could have a GOLD mine.

What if we keep the mindhacking, and before he even MAKES Free the Soul, he mindhacks someone who experienced the events of the “religious fanatic”. But not just anyone. An experienced SHIFTer who made it their goal to stop this religious fanatic. After hundreds of attempts, they still fail. Delta sees this and determines it to be inevitable. So he’s having fun, cursed by the knowledge of an inevitable apocalypse. Then he meets Akane, Phi, Sigma, or Junpei after they had undergone the events of VLR and ZTD. He learns that particular timeline. A bleak future, yes, but one single future where humanity is alive. He sees two futures, one in which all of humanity dies, and one where he is the leader of a religious cult that wipes out 4 Billion People with a deadly pandemic. And the idea of being that person disgusts him. He despises it. But he’s completely resigned to fate. He knows that things must go precisely as he’s seen at the price of humanity, too frightened by such a burden to even take a toe off of the predetermined pathway. His motive is that he’s so tightly bound to fate and so afraid to let it slip that he has no choice but to commit the atrocities, despising himself for it every step of the way, but considering it better than the inevitable alternative. It would give a purpose for the mindhacking powers, it would give him a solid motive, and it would make the ending SO much stronger, showing the contrast between a group of SHIFTers confident that they can change fate and the man who is completely resigned to his own. Fuck, I might steal this character concept because I REALLY think this idea would work to make an interesting villain!

Like I mentioned, this is KINDA there in subtext (with him quite frequently saying “life truly is unfair”) and this could be an interpretation of the character, but if ZTD had explored that theme, then holy hell what an interesting character Delta would be.

But even WITH this fix, holy hell, this plan is stupid. Because guess what, dingus. You just created like 30 new timelines that all end in annihilation.

He coulda said ONE line about “even if there is only one history that ends nicely, that is solace enough”, that might have been dark, but still powerful. You know, add some depth. But instead, he’s just like “hmm hmm shoot me”

And the Q Twist? I’m honestly not as mad at it as I should be. On one hand, it does that cute thing where there are little bits of foreshadowing so when you rewatch it, you notice little bits like shadows and stuff, but on the other hand, there are PLENTY of points where either the camera just straight up lies to you and doesn’t show him when he should be there or Delta’s just been fuckin SHMOOVIN on his wheelchair around the room constantly to stay out of the camera and everyone’s just been kinda chill with it. Maybe if they had been more careful with the camera it could have delivered a TOUCH better. Like, even if the shots are a bit off, that’s noticeable enough to be part of the hint, no? I don’t have as much to say about this, mostly because this post is getting long as fuck so I’m gonna wrap it up so I can move on with my life for a bit.

So even with ALL OF THAT, I still enjoyed playing the game. That’s right, compliment sandwich time. The three wards all being one ward was a really neat reveal. The fact that you can shoot Delta in one scene is creative with its replay value. I’m glad they touched on the philosophical idea of what happens to the people who made it out from the coin flip only to get SHIFTed into the exploding lab, and exploring that idea was fun. I absolutely lost my mind at the idea of the gun to sigmas head had a random chance of firing and then seeing it elaborated on in the dice scene directly after it. Gab is a good boy.

Cant wait to play AI