#fine. i'll leave you alone
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No, I'm not okay. Thanks for not asking.
#once again I am useless to everyone unless I'm a vessel for their stress#my own doesn't count and doesn't matter#and when you all use me up and leave me a husk you wonder why I'm not moving when you ask me for help#has anyone asked me recently if I'm okay? pshht#I'm the Support Person I'm always okay I never need anything#and if I do it's my fault for not supporting enough#ah well que cera cera#this is just who I am#I'm a vessel and nothing else#I've never been anything else and never will be#nobody gives a shit about me except in terms of what I can do for them news at 11#did you mean: my entire life thus far?#I'm sick of it#I'm sick of screaming and pleading for help into the cold uncaring void and getting 'so? I have my own problems#leave me alone if you're not going to help me'#fine. i'll leave you alone#I'll stop asking#I'll stop offering#I'll see how long it takes anyone to notice#they won't notice they never do#or rather they will as soon as I can't be the support person anymore#and then they'll get mad at me for not supporting them because I'm not an autonomous person#I'm an on call therapist#with no problems of my own#how dare I pretend to be anything else#I want one (1) person to ask me if I'm okay without having to be prompted to give a shit about my wellbeing#one person. once.#but it's always started with 'oh how are your parents'#'how's your sister'#everyone asks me if everyone BUT me is okay
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i need to get this out of my head before i continue clone^2 but danny being the first batkid. Like, standard procedure stuff: his parents and sister die, danny ends up with Vlad Masters. He drags him along to stereotypical galas and stuff; Danny is not having a good time.
He ends up going to one of the Wayne Galas being hosted ever since elusive Bruce Wayne has returned to Gotham. Vlad is crowing about having this opportunity as he's been wanting to sink his claws into the company for a long while now. Danny is too busy grieving to care what he wants.
And like most Galas, once Vlad is done showing him off to the other socialites and the like, he disappears. Off to a dark corner, or to one of the many balconies; doesn't matter. There he runs into said star of the show, Bruce who is still young, has been Batman for at least a year at this point, but still getting used to all these damn people and socializing. He's stepped off to hide for a few minutes before stepping back into the shark tank.
And he runs into a kid with circles under his eyes and a dull gleam in them. Familiar, like looking into a mirror.
Danny tries to excuse himself, he hasn't stopped crying since his parents died and it's been months. He rubs his eyes and stands up, and stumbles over a half-hearted apology to Mister Wayne. Some of Vlad's etiquette lessons kicking in.
Bruce is awkward, but he softens. "That's alright, lad," he says, pulling up some of that Brucie Wayne confidence, "I was just coming out here to get some fresh air."
There's a little pressing; Bruce asks who he's here with, Danny says, voice quiet and grief-stricken, that he's with his godfather Vlad Masters. Bruce asks him if he knows where he is, and Danny tells him he does. Bruce offers to leave, Danny tells him to do whatever he wants.
It ends with Bruce staying, standing off to the side with Danny in silence. Neither of them say a word, and Danny eventually leaves first in that same silence.
Bruce looks into Vlad Masters after everything is over, his interest piqued. He finds news about him taking in Danny Fenton: he looks into Danny Fenton. He finds news articles about his parents' deaths, their occupations, everything he can get his hands on.
At the next gala, he sees Danny again. And he looks the same as ever: quiet like a ghost, just as pale, and full of grief. Bruce sits in silence with him again for nearly ten minutes before he strikes a conversation.
"Do you like to do anything?"
Nothing. Just silence.
Bruce isn't quite sure what to do: comfort is not his forte, and Danny doesn't know him. He's smart enough to know that. So he starts talking about other things; anything he can think of that Brucie Wayne might say, that also wasn't inappropriate for a kid to hear.
Danny says nothing the entire time, and is again the first to leave.
Bruce watches from a distance as he intercts with Vlad Masters; how Vlad Masters interacts with him. He doesn't like what he sees: Vlad Masters keeps a hand on Danny's shoulder like one would hold onto the collar of a dog. He parades him around like a trophy he won.
And there are moments, when someone gets too close or when someone tries to shake Danny's hand, of deep possessiveness that flints over Vlad Masters' eyes. Like a dragon guarding a horde.
He plays the act of doting godfather well: but Bruce knows a liar when he sees one. Like recognizes like.
Danny is dull-eyed and blank faced the entire time; he looks miserable.
So Bruce tries to host more parties; if only so that he can talk to Danny alone. Vlad seems all too happy to attend, toting Danny along like a ribbon, and on the dot every hour, Danny slips away to somewhere to hide. Bruce appears twenty minutes later.
"I was looking into your godfather's company," he says one night, trying to think of more things to say. Some nights all they do is sit in silence. "Some of my shareholders were thinking of partnering up--"
"Don't."
He stops. Danny hardly says a word to him, he doesn't even look at him -- he's sitting on the ground, his head in his knees. Like he's trying to hide from the world. But he's looking, blue eyes piercing up at Bruce.
Bruce tilts his head, practiced puppy-like. "Pardon?"
"Don't." Danny says, strongly. "Don't make any deals with Vlad."
It's the most words Danny's spoken to him, and there's a look in his eyes like a candle finding its spark. Something hard. Bruce presses further, "And why is that?"
The spark flutters, and flushes out. Danny blinks like he's coming out of a trance, and slumps back into himself. "Just don't."
Bruce stares at him, thoughtful, before looking away. "Alright. I won't."
And they fall back into silence.
Danny, when he leaves, turns to look at Bruce, "I mean it." He says; soft like he's telling a secret, "Don't make any deals with him. Don't be alone with him. Don't work with him."
He's scampered away before Bruce can question him further.
(He never planned on working with Vlad Masters and his company; he's done his research. He's seen the misfortune. But nothing ever leads back to him. There's no evidence of anything. But Danny knows something.)
At their next meeting, Danny starts the conversation. It's new, and it's welcomed. He says, cutting through their five minute quiet, that he likes stars. And he doesn't like that he can't see them in Gotham.
Bruce hums in interest, and Danny continues talking. It's as if floodgates had been opened, and as Bruce takes a sip of his wine, it tastes like victory.
("Tucker told me once--") ("Tucker?") ("Oh-- uh, one of my best friends. He's a tech geek. We haven't talked in a while.")
(Danny shut down in his grief -- his friends are worried, but can't reach him. When he goes back to the manor with Vlad, he fishes out his phone and sends them a message.)
(They are ecstatic to hear from him.)
It all culminates until one day, when Danny is leaving to go back inside, that Bruce speaks up. "You know," He says, leaning against the railing. "The manor has many rooms; plenty of space for a guest."
The implication there, hidden between the lines. And Danny is smart, he looks at Bruce with a sharp glean in his eyes, and he nods. "Good to know."
The next time they see each other, Danny has something in his hands. "Can you hold onto something for me?" He asks.
When Bruce agrees, Danny places a pearl into his palm. or, at least, it's something that looks like a pearl. Because it's cold to the touch; sinking into Bruce's white silk gloves with ease and shimmering like an opal. It moves a little as it settles into his hand, and the moves like its full of liquid.
Bruce has never seen anything like it before, but he does know this; it's not human. "What is it?" He asks, and Danny looks uncomfortable.
"I can't tell you that." He says, shifting on his foot like he's scared of someone seeing it. "But please be careful with it. Treat it like it's extremely fragile."
When Bruce gets home, he puts it in an empty ring box and hides the box in the cave. He tries researching into what it is. he can't find anything concrete.
Everything comes to a head one day when Danny appears at the manor's doorstep one evening, soaking wet in the rain, and bleeding from the side.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc prompt#man i just really need more dpdc stuff where danny and bruce have a good relationship. like man i NEED it. like i need to see these two#bonding together. and not in a cracky 'oh danny is a distant friend/cousin/etc' stuff but like. active participants in each other's lives#or as active as can be in this case. i neeeeed these two getting along and caring about one another#this idea came to me like last night and hasn't left since nd it was driving me up the wall to think about both positively and negatively b#i neeeded someone to hear about this or i was gonna implode#danny is the first son#tried to just get the general gist of the idea down but i definitely thought of the idea that bruce lowkey suspects vlad for having a hand#Vlad allows Danny to sneak off because he thinks Danny is alone. if he knew Bruce was there he'd be piiisssed and would put a stop to it#Sam and Tucker are alive they just got ghosted for a bit by danny bc he was in Major Grief and didn't wanna socialize. He couldn't go to#them because he didn't wanna put them in danger via Vlad.#oh that thing he handed Bruce? Yeah that's his ghost core. I have a headcanon (that isnt always applied) that ghosts can take their cores#out of their bodies at will and painlessly and without issue. and its common practice actually to do so bc they can be a not insignificant#distance away from said core before problems start to act up. and its common for ghosts to leave their physical cores at their lairs for#safekeeping because as long as the physical core is fine: so is the ghost. they can reform if their body gets destroyed. it also acts as a#fast travel sometimes. where they can reform at their core in an instant. its not inspired in the slightest by SU but i do see the overlap#most cores are pretty small for safety sake: its harder to hit if its small. and they're pr resilient too but its better to be safe than#sorry. so yeah. danny essentially gave bruce the physical embodiment of his soul and indirectly said#'if anything happens to me at least i'll be safe with you'#danny doesn't know he's batman btw#starry rambles.#was gonna go into danny becoming a vigilante beside bruce but im sleeeepy so i'll do that in a reblog. he's gonna go by nightingale if#anyone is interested. stereotypical but to be frank it is a *good* name imo. has a good amount of syllables and consonants to it#and the bird theme. and since its part of an ancestral name it has even more backing for it being bird-y without being meta
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i think fandom spaces would become much more enjoyable across the board if people stopped flipping their pancakes over other fans enjoying characters that they don't like. or, god forbid, like them but in 'the wrong way.'
#salty peak sect 🧂#jin guangyao#jgy haters you do realize that you are as integral a part of this wheel of dead horse reincarnation as jgy stans are. right?#you realize that our liking jgy and believing he did good things does not in any way detract from your ability to enjoy wei wuxian#as your specialist good boy. right?#you realize you could just scroll past takes about people enjoying jgy without deciding to drop your own pass-agg vaguepost#questioning our morality in the tags. right?#you get that it's weird to act like we're the weird ones for responding to provocation. you have to get that that is a weird way to think.#consider instead: staying in your lane!! minding your business!!!#you can in fact just leave us alone! you can do that! the power is yours!!#nb: this is not directed at the people who have genuine questions/commentary about jgy that are critical in nature. that's fine.#please recognize i am not talking about you!#i scroll past so many of your posts even tho i disagree with them#because your stuff is not the stuff that is making me benafflecksmoking.jpeg#maybe sometimes i'll comment if i think i have something useful to add#and if i think OP is not going to be a dick#most of the time i frankly would rather get high and read xiyao fanfic#that is usually why i am in the tags: to read fic and look at cute fanart#i am not visiting the tags because i want to pick a fight! truly i'm not!#however. if you start one. i will probably finish it. 😌 hth
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[ this is the part where i hit everyone with my own personal childhood nostalgia and i say that if ratch lost everything/finally did reach breaking point
he would just be vict.or fries from btas/bat.man: subzero with his own priorities only
#if u know what im talking about u know what im talkin about#if u don't know what im talkin about i'll share some quotes:#“There's no hope for me or you [...] Everyone's going to feel my loss.”#“You want to live like this? Abandoned and alone? [...] I'd trade a thousand of my frozen years for your worst day.”#“Leave me- you are the only one who cares.”#RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH#[BLUE SPEAKS] ooc#rattles pots and pans#also he has an adopted son and two polar bears and just wants his wife and to be left alone im fine how are you
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cut the inevitable infodump off in the tags before it could get too long but it is conceptually funny to me that I draw Sugar as babygirl supreme. doggy girl doing doggy things running after tennis balls and curling up on Emmet’s bed in the middle of the night . But is ultimately also essentially a middle aged business man who runs a major transit station and is very serious about her job <3
would Emmet even know tho . I think it’s funniest if Emmet is too busy wallowing in his own misery the whole time to fully think through the situation and realize that Sugar’s effectively been doing Ingo’s job for the last 2 years.. He just walks into [Ingo’s] office one day and sees Sugar typing up a very long winded professional email like ???
#.i think she'd be able to bluff her way thru work for a while but week 2 emmet leaves her alone on the platform for abit#a depot agent comes by and shoves sugar into the cabin (?i still dont know what a train control room is called) like :]#have fun conducting#sugar's like ???? (panicking) . wjat do i do#chandelure. hates sugar and lets her flounder for a bit trying to figure out which button to press#until sugar's crying on the ground and she's like (sigh) fine okay i'll help you
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auughhhhh i feel rly anxious and i need to get this somewhat out of my head. cw breast cancer screening
ok so i have an appt scheduled at planned parenthood tomorrow bc i found a lump under my armpit and there is history of breast cancer in both sides of my family. and first of all i need to call them tomorrow bc i forgot that when i scheduled the appt online it said they didn't accept my insurance even though i've literally been to planned parenthood before and my insurance website says they're covered? so i have to fucking call them and idek if i'm going to end up having the appt. which is stressful on its own
but also there is the factor of being TransgenderedTM and not really knowing if whatever doctor i might see will be trans-competent or if it will be a deadnaming + "girl power!!!" situation. plus just. yk. having anyone see and feel my fucking titties who i'm not fucking is like. strange and unnerving. and there is Also the factor of having sexual trauma so having anyone see and feel my fucking titties who i'm not fucking (and sometimes even who i Am fucking!!!!) is EXTRA strange and unnerving!!!! also idk if i would just be having some kind of exam or if i would be having a mammogram or if they even Have the ability to do a mammogram or if they would just be like Yup that's a lump [insert thumbs up emoji bc i'm typing this in an anxiety-fueled rage on my computer] have fun!
idk man i'm justreally really anxious abt this and it's making it worse not actually knowing if it's happening or not or if i'll have to make one billion calls around to find somewhere else to go or if i'll have to wait like 2 months to see someone back home in which case the cancer will have spread to my entire body and killed me and i also won't have insurance. basically i should just die anyway bc this all seems like way too much stress and way too complicated and maybe i should just not see a doctor about it and just simply keel over and die [insert another thumbs up emoji for good measure]
#also i just have not talked to anyone about this other than snap and i feel really scared and alone and i'm starting to cry now and i didn't#realize that it has me so freaked out. i'm really scared of the cancer part and i'm also just anticipating this appt to be really not fun#for a variety of reasons and i have to make food for thursday tomorrow and then i have to be around a bunch of family and pretend like i'm#not really scared that i have cancer likke my mom has had twice in my lifetime and my grandma died from#ok i had a good cry and peobably lost all the hydration i have been trying to muster but that's ok. it happens#i'll call in the morning and check on the insurance stuff and also ask if they even do mammograms bc if they don't i should probably just#go somewhere else altogether. save myself the time and energy and stress#and if they do both take my insurance and do mammograms then i should probably just be brave and go and remember that if it sucks#hit da bricks!! even at doctor's appts!! i did that once when i was supposed to get an xray and felt Very unsafe and triggered#i literally just walked out and left and had a ptsd style menty b in my bed. but it was better than forcing myself thru it#or i can use my big boy voice and say that i'm uncomfortable but that's hard to do. either way#if you don't have homemade boundaries (using your words) store bought is fine (literally just leaving)#if u made it this far Hi i'm making you cookies and tea and we're having a tea party <3 or coffee if u like#ventnote#cw cancer
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Tony: you can be a good guy and get along with the other residents in the tower but instead of character development you choose to be an annoying emo tagalong Loki: if I have to go through any more character development, my character is gonna develop into a villain Tony: this is exactly what I'm talking about--you already TRIED THAT!!
#Loki: maybe i'll try it again#Tony: it's always threats or sarcasm with you#Steve: as long as he's not doing anything bad it's fine to leave him alone#Tony: nu uh#Loki: wym 'nu uh'#Tony: PUT SOME EFFORT IN#Loki: i'm going to tell Thor you're yelling at me#Steve: oh no
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Wow, the creepypasta fandom really hates happiness doesn't it. God forbid you have your own little world with these made up characters that don't have much of a real canon story. Oh you want them to have a positive relationship? Fandom hell. Someone hates you now. Mansion au???? What are you 12???? Good lord, its as if the fandom is a pendant on a sting, it swung one way in 2014 where everyone wanted all the friendships/relationships and now it has swung the other way, no friendships, everyone hates everyone, everyone is an irredeemable monster and has no chance of and joy. Oh, and if you step one inch out of line they'll shoot on sight. The fandom that is, the characters are innocent bystanders having their personalities changed every two seconds. Sometimes I really really dislike the fandom in general. Like I'm not allowed to say I want a little fluff, a little found family with a twist of insanity without someone being like 'YoU sOuNd LiKe A cRiNgY 12 yEaR oLd' WELL SO WHAT IF I DO??? I MAY HAVE BEEN CRINGE BUT I WAS HAPPY. I MAY DIE SURROUNDED BY CRINGY LIKES AND OPINIONS BUT I WILL DIE HAPPY.
#creepypasta#marble hornets#Also I really REALLY DO LIKE WHEN PEOPLE COMBINE MB AND CREEPYPASTA#Like I KNOW its not the same fandom but ITS SO TASTY#Don't fight me on this#I will kill you on this hill#I ain't dying on it cuz I have something to keep me going thats not the desire to be mean to someone.#like truly#if you have your own opinion and headcanons#thats fine have fun#but don't come for me just because I like something different#thats stupid and weird#leave me alone and I'll leave you alone
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I think I just want HRT to be as casual as humanly possible like I don't want anyone to make a big deal out of it... treat it as nothing... I just don't want anyone to see or think of me in that kind of way. I am very very afraid.
#''This is your sign to get on HRT'' posts are still like dashboard terrorism for me because I am a very anxious person...#I don't know... Nervous enough to make me sick. Is it possible to... I don't know what is in the realm of possibility.#I don't know if I want that kind of thing or not.#I think my disposition is becoming that I don't care or that I feel pressured into it and that it is making me aggressively compliant.#A sort of ''FINE I'll fucking do it now leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone'' burning anger.#''Are you happy now?'' sort of rage. What do I even have to prove. It is irrational... It is all so irrational...#Or is it fear... sometimes when I am scared my only expression of it is aggression.#I don't know. I don't think I think rationally about this anymore.#I am just intensely miserable to consider it.#delete later.#Please ask if you don't understand something I mean... Sorry I am quite frightened.
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Btw. I am tired of being nice to people who intentionally violate me and my very clear boundaries on here and other socials. It's RIGHT THERE. Right. Fucking. There.
I am tired of putting up with it. I am tired of being stealthily followed, interacted with, and borderline harassed by tcesters/proshippers or art thieves or anyone else who genuinely makes me feel sick to my stomach. This is the last straw. I've snapped.
From now on, if it's within my ability, I will be personally contacting every person who I catch violating my tcest/proship DNI on here, Twitter, Bluesky, or Discord. And I will be personally contacting every person who reposts my work without credit. And I will make you feel bad for being an asshole to me first who doesn't see me as a real person with feelings.
Better run while you can. Smiles.
#i am almost 30 years old and i am going to come into your DMs and lecture you like you're 5 if you behave like you're 5#no more Mr. Nice Sky#hi hello once again for anyone who didn't get the memo#i am a real person with feelings and have boundaries set for a reason#some tcesters/proshippers actually mind their business#which is fine. stay far away from me and i'll stay far away from you even if you're still a gross brainless jerk.#the ones who don't leave me alone however need their asses beat#i have a limit to the BS i can take online and i WILL eventually bite back#sky sez
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i <3 feeling like i'm literally always making the wrong choice
#every passing day i dig a little deeper the bottomless debt i owe my parents#monetarily and morally#and god i wish i could kill myself but noooooo i tried again and i can't fucking do it i can't#so i just. i don't know i want to be incapacitated i want to be in the psych ward forever.#i don't want to fail and never make enough money to pay for their retirement home#i don't want to have to visit them every god-knows-how-often#i don't want to be fifty years old and still having to exist in relation to my parents#and god they've done nothing BAD i shouldn't want to cut all contact with them#but it's so. i don't know. i don't know how people even do it.#like you always have to come back home you always have to act right you always have to think abt them and text them and call them#and nothing you do is ever right and you want things that can't coexist with their happiness and peace of mind#and you're an asshole in every way you're an asshole deep down and you're an asshole outwardly too#but you can't stop wanting stupid things and acting weird and demanding#and it's a curse upon them to have you near but it's literally so fucking ungrateful of you to stray away a little#and you still do it because you can't stop wanting to follow things instead of keeping to your resolutions#and trying to do the best for them#and nothing is ever the best for them it's always just bad choices cause you shouldn't even exist you're just wrong you're born wrong#you don't want things that are good for them too and you're not capable of good things#dad wants to go on vacation at his family's like twice a year. mom want to stay home and take care of business and relax this year too#even now that grandma is gone and doesn't require her to be near. cuz emptying the flat & all of that.#and it's just. cool cool i make the wrong choice whichever way.#if i stay with mom i'll make dad's family sad and inconvenience my mom and leave dad alone#if i go with dad i'll leave mom alone (also alone to work on the flat) and i'll be an annoying asshole to dad and his family#because i'm too stupid and egoistical to pretend to be fine with things that mildly inconvenience me for five seconds#and either way i won't do any fucking work because i'm a sad piece of shit and i'm going to fail the fuck out of school next year#broadcasting my misery#vent
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peter i am begging you
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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now that ive experienced spending time with other people, its so much harder to be alone.... god i really didnt want this to happen. god, yea. the loneliness really isnt tolerable when i know what its like to have company
#HHHH SO tomorrow is our final and bc my grades dont matter. and tmrw will be the last coear day in taipei before i go home i plan to go#to yangmingshan to see the calla lily festival bc i havent been. so I'd skip class but no one can skip with me bc they need to test well#and like. I'd be p much alone if i went to class bc its a test day. and legit all we'd do is test. bc its our final#but im like :((( but what if i miss out :((( LIKE WHAT. ON WHAT COULD U POSSIBLY MISS OUT ON#YOU HAVE FRIDAY... but like. its rlly hitting me that friday is like. my last day with most of my classmates. and im gonna be travelling#alone for the rest of my time here. and i... i shouldve made connections sooner. im such a fool#i know i can ask my classmates to have dinner with ne one last night before i leave bc I'll have time on the 28th. but. But...#HHHHH im really going home.. god thats weird#god.... anyways. it will be fine. the nature is worth it. i know ill go and forget all my worries anyways
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"Jaey, you can't have someone pretend to marry you just to get the delegation off your back. That would cause way more trouble than it's worth...and besides, who would you even ask? How would you decide the best candidate?"
"I'll hire someone! I'm tired of all these arrangement parties and stuff; the candidates the delegation keeps picking out are all the worst. But they're not scared of me like they are you, so I was thinking about how I can get them to leave it alone, and...ta-da! It's a good idea, right? It definitely is!"
"Hiring someone. Someone that would then be allowed a place on the delegation, and could enact who knows what kinds of laws and such at a whim. Someone that you're already motivating to help you out by paying them somehow. If you didn't get rid of them right away, I would, and then you'd be right back to square one."
"...Uuuuuugh. Then...I don't know! I'll find someone else that's supposed to get an arranged marriage, but doesn't want to do it! We can marry each other to get it out of the way, and then have nothing to do with each other after that! And if it's a ruler or something like that, then they wouldn't mess with delegation business, because I could just do the same thing to them! And...and so yeah! I'll just do that!"
#[Tarinx -extra-]#[Jaeyani -extra-]#Just something that popped into my head and I thought was funny#Though now I'm over here like 'that would be a fun plot. having Jaey just go up to a ruler or something that he meets at a gathering#and hit them with a 'Hey so hear me out--' lmao#Arin's tactic for avoiding arrangement parties and proposals and all that fun stuff is to just...literally not show up to any of it#and nobody really has the balls to try to force him because the other delegation members are all fairly significantly weaker than him#so he'll just go 'Haha you want me to go to /that/? Fine then fight me for it and if you win I'll go.' and then just throttle the delegate#Jaey on the other hand is too much of a sweetie to do that. He doesn't really care much for fighting most of the time#So the delegates bug him and try to set him up in unavoidable things more often than not#so his tactic for avoiding arrangement parties and proposals and all that is quickly becoming#'I'll just get married (or pretend to marry) to someone who won't exploit me and then we can just leave each other alone after that! :D '#and at least sorta gets along with
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#i am gonna be so honest with you all babes. i'm fucking exhausted.#and my back hurts and my head hurts and my heart hurts and i'm just.#trying to take it day by day i guess. i don't know anymore really.#like yeah we have help and it's fine but. everyone leaves and goes home and they don't have to do anything about it anymroe.#im still here i'm still the one that wakes up in the middle of the night i'm sitll the one that gets called to do it all#i literally have done fuck all for work today because i've been the one doing the running around#and everyone keeps saying 'oh we're all worried for her and we're all pitching in to help'#and yes you all are! but that doesn't change the fact that she lives wiht us. and that when anyone comes over she still calls for one of us#it's not her fault she's just used to us#but my goodness gracious i have not felt this tired before and i'm just. i'm trying to remind myself i'm doing it for her. you know?#that there is no other reason it's getting done except that it's all For Her. and it makes it a little better.#but it doesn't change the fact that anyone time i step under the shower i just start crying again. or any time i'm alone for ten minutes#i'll just cry really quickly to get it out of my system before going back.#i've never felt more disconnected from reality than i have in the past week you know
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