"It is expected, an oath by blood to hold the tome
And the starlight passes overhead
Fuels all the skills I've honed
I am a guardian, a watcher of these ancient rites
Yet I find myself drawn from that path
On those dazzling moonlit nights
Let me hold you, keep you close to me
I long to hear your voice
But dearest, I know better now
I must give you this choice
I can give you everything you need
Or do you want to hear me plead?
Just look my way, just look my way
Is there something more that I don't know
That you won't say 'til we've both grown cold?
Just say, "Please, stay, look my way"
This unspoken contract, a deed we forged for mutual gain
If that's all that was when you're not here
What is this rooted pain?
I don't care that you're of lower station
Or primed to sate my dark temptations
Why can't you understand? Let me explain
And I'm terrified, as I cry
To make these feelings true
What's left for me and my broken heart
If I cannot have you
Unless it's me
And no matter what in this world I could give
It's not enough
To break through the walls you've conjured up to live
Is this what you feel?
Scorned by a realm that cannot comprehend
What you are
So I'll grant you this mercy, this bind on our souls needs to end
I will try to make amends
For making you means to an end
So look my way, please, look my way
And if there's something more that I don't know
I'll save us both before we grow cold
If you'll stay, just say, "Look my way"
JUST LOOK MY WAY (STOLAS' LAMENT) - cover by Caleb Hyles
While I was brainstorming today for the artwork, I couldn't find a moment of respite, because my mind was going back and forth thinking how to ansker the ask I got earlier on, and I had to actually let my ideas out and at least do something about it.
So, I went, picked a song from my Mephistea's playlist and just went to town with this Mephistea's Moodboard!!
(And I was so happy that I actually managed to found the Infernal font, so that I could write Mephisto and Aranea's name there :D :D)
I am actually happy with how this turned out, even if I always suffer a little that I can never find a perfect representation for Aranea 😭😭😭😭
But I love Carice too much as her FC, so I am just going with the flow (as I always do lolol).
I hope you will like this!
--Nemo
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Hazy Confessions | Part One
Moodboard here
Sam x Reader (College AU)
~1.5k words
18+ Minors DNI (no smut, but there's weed here)
Warnings: implied marijuana use, more warnings in future chapters
Posting a short first chapter for now so I don't bail on posting the rest later. I can't get the idea of smoking with Sam out of my head, so here's the product of that.
~~~
Your first year of college has not gone at all how you expected it would so far. Before you moved across the country to Michigan for school, you never would have expected to be where you are. You expected to move out here and keep to yourself, maybe make a few surface-level friends to help in your classes, and overall, just stay on the down low until the end of the year.
In your first class of the fall semester, you found yourself sitting next to this eccentric boy about your age. He struck up a conversation with you immediately, telling you it was his first day as well, and asked if you wanted to hang out sometime. At first, you were hesitant, wanting to stick to your plan of not getting too attached, but after spending a few hours with him after class, you found yourself gravitating toward this boy you met. He even gave you a nickname, Flower, on the day you met because you had embroidered flowers all over your backpack.
Four months later, you consider Sam your best friend, and you two are rarely apart. You spend most of your free time with him, hanging out in your dorm after classes since it’s so close to campus, hanging at his apartment on the weekends, and occasionally sleeping over at each other’s places.
One thing in particular you love about your friendship with Sam is the weekly ritual you two started a month after meeting each other. Every Friday night, you show up at Sam’s door with a bag of snacks, dressed in comfy clothes, and an overnight bag in tow. You started sleeping over at Sam’s on the weekends because his apartment is surrounded by nature, and you like to escape the busy atmosphere of your on-campus dorm whenever possible.
So, like clockwork, Friday night rolls around and you are standing outside Sam’s door with all the supplies you gathered. Slinging your overnight bag and snack tote over your shoulder, you knock on the door. It only takes a few seconds for it to swing open, Sam bringing you into a hug as soon as you walk through the doorway. “Flower!” He squeezes you by the shoulders, “It’s been so long!”
You roll your eyes at his exclamation, having seen him earlier in the day on campus. “It’s literally been 4 hours, dumbass, now take these bags.”
“Of course, my lady,” he says, taking the bags and bowing exaggeratedly at you.
You giggle at him, then walk across the room to the corner his bed is pushed against and make yourself at home. You loved Sam’s apartment. It was a studio on the first floor of his building, nestled in a back corner with a view of the woods. It was a refreshing escape from the view at your apartment, which was mostly other concrete buildings and bustling students.
Sam placed your bags on his desk chair before picking up his laptop and opening a random streaming service. “Any requests?” he asks as he starts connecting the laptop to the small TV mounted on the wall above his desk.
“Nope, whatever you want Sammy boy, I’m not picky.” He gave you a small smile, which you return, and then he turns around to begin browsing for something to watch. In truth, you never really care what you all watch together, you just enjoying the time you spend together. There’s no doubt about the feelings you're harboring towards Sam, but there was no reason to make anything of them. You’ve been through this same situation before, where you catch feelings for a close friend, and they see you as nothing more than that. A friend. The friendship you have with Sam is so perfect, so easy, there’s no way you could let a fleeting crush ruin that.
“Okay,” Sam speaks up from his place at the desk, “how does Finding Nemo sound?” he asks, turning to face you with a little smirk adorning his lips.
“Sure, sounds good to me, I haven’t watched it in forever.” Smiling at you, he displays the movie on the TV rather than the small computer screen. You maneuver yourself around his bed, trying to find a comfortable position to watch the movie while also leaving room for him. When you finally settle into a comfy spot, you notice a small bag of weed sitting by his pillow before he can press play on the movie. “Ooh, Sammy, what’s this?” you ask, moving to pick up the bag.
He turns around to look at you, shrugging. “Oh, um, it’s just something I’ve been trying. Jake gave me some.” You notice him fiddling with his fingers in front of him, a slightly nervous demeanor now overtaking the relaxed one from a few moments ago. “I meant to put it away before you got here if I’m being honest.”
You feel confused by his statement. “Why is that?” you ask, feeling a tinge of sadness that he didn’t want to share this with you.
He moves across the small room, sitting next to you on the edge of his bed. “I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t know how you’d feel about it.” He gently takes the baggie from your hands, holding it in his lap.
You felt a wave of sympathy wash over you. “Sammy, I wish you didn’t feel like that, but I promise I’m fine with it.”
He finally looks up at you, a small smile on his lips. “Really?”
You put your hand on his knee and gave it a few pats, “Yes, really, why wouldn't I be?" You pause for a moment, trying to think of something to say. “How long have you been doing it?”
He didn’t answer for a few seconds, like he was trying to recall when he started. “Maybe a few weeks? I’m not really sure. Jake brought it up a while ago, but I was never really interested until recently.”
This time, you don’t respond for a while. The silence was far from awkward though. The two of you are very comfortable in each other’s presence. You finally speak up, “Will you show me how?”
He snaps his head to look at you, not expecting you to say that. “Um, yeah,” the nervous energy returned ever so slightly. “Are you sure? I mean you don’t have to if you don’t want to, and I wouldn’t say anything if you didn’t, no pressure-”
“Sammyyy,” you cut him off, “Stop overthinking so much. Relax, it’s just me.” You grab one of his shoulders, squeezing it reassuringly and give him a small smile.
He smiles back at you, then gets up off the bed to kneel in front of his nightstand. “Okay then let me just get some stuff ready.” He shuffled miscellaneous items around in the drawer before pulling out a pack of rolling papers, a grinder, a rolling tray, and his lighter. “I really only have this if that’s okay.” He moved to sit next to you again, crossing his legs under him and laying the items out between you two. You folded your own legs underneath yourself, now sitting facing Sam.
You had smoked weed before, but the last time you tried it was months back home with some friends from high school, and it wasn't exactly a smooth and efficient sesh. You barely remembered how to roll a joint, but you figure you could give it your best try if Sam was willing to share this experience with you. You pull the tray into your lap, pull a rolling paper out of the package, and reach for the baggie of weed Sam was holding between his fingers.
You could feel his hesitation, his body tense and unmoving. You could barely see him breathing. “Hey,” you put your hands on the bed in front of you and lean forward to meet his eyes, “It’s just me. Everything is fine, relax.”
“I’m sorry, I’m just nervous. I’ve never done this with anyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it’s with you but I can’t help it.”
You felt a pang in your chest. This was a side of Sam you didn’t see very often. Sam is very confident and outgoing most of the time, knowing how to keep a conversation moving and scatter light jokes where they are appropriate. This Sam, anxious and insecure, was one that came out very rarely, and you felt lucky that he was comfortable letting this side of himself show around you.
In an attempt to calm his nerves, you moved over to lean against the wall his bed was pushed up against. You pat the space next to you and look at him with a gentle expression. “Come on, sit next to me. We’ll do this together.”
He seemed to relax at your gesture, crawling across the bed and plopping down next to you. You pulled the tray back into your lap and start to roll a joint.
~~~~~~~
Part Two
btw: let me know if you want to be on the taglist!
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Dear Nemo, so nice to see you back! for the meme game, can you make one for Jacob and Dottie as a ship? I miss seeing them on my dash.
Hello Hello Duckling! So nice to see you in my inbox! I was so happy to see your ask! (and sorry for taking so long in answering! I appreciate your patience! I hope you don't mind but I took the chance to make this meme for Jacob and Dottie a bit farther ahead in their story than what I usually draw/write.)
✨JOTTIE (JacobxDorothea)🎩
MOODBOARD
PLAYLIST:
"Temple of Thought" - Poets of The Fall
"Amaranthine" - Amaranthe
"My Love Will Never Die" - Claire Wyndham
"Dancing on Broken Glass" - Poets of The Fall
"Jealous Gods" - Poets of The Fall
"War" - Poets of the Fall
QUOTES
“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.”
― Alfred Tennyson
“I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone”
― J. R. R. Tolkien
“You make me thank god for every mistake I ever made, Because each one led me down the path that brought me to you.”
― Pablo Neruda
“I choose to love you in silence…
For in silence I find no rejection,
I choose to love you in loneliness…
For in loneliness no one owns you but me,
I choose to adore you from a distance…
For distance will shield me from pain,
I choose to kiss you in the wind…
For the wind is gentler than my lips,
I choose to hold you in my dreams…
For in my dreams, you have no end.”
― Rumi
THEIR AESTHETIC:
A walk along the Thames in the dead of the night with the stars as their companions and protectors; an impromptu dance on cobblestone and the beating of their hearts as the sole music that gives them rhythm; a sweet song he hums with his low voice; a glance that alone speaks of years spent together, of hardship fought and conquered, of peace finally found; low laughter shared at a memory of the family they created; a morning spent in bed, cuddling and laughing together; the perfume of orange blossom and smoked pipe; a stack of letters neatly preserved if a little worn out for all the times they had been read; a violin playing and a voice singing the song of their hearts, just for his ears alone; warm tea sipped together in front of the fireplace; a soft blanket shared together; falling asleep on a worn-out sofa in each other's arms, the only place where they feel safe enough to let go of all worries; hearing the beating of his heart, strong and steady, just as he is; hearing her breathing while asleep, safe and sound in his arms.
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