#finding a way to describe what Eddie was thinking and feeling was a struggle

[911-on-abc]

Hi, first of all, thanks for writing the NFL AU!

For scenes: Maybe how Buck and Eddie or Buck and Chris met? Or what happened after Eddie found out. Some Buck whump and Eddie taking care of him is also always great :)

No pressure, though. Thanks again!

hi!!! thank you so much for the prompt!! ☺️ I decided to write what happened directly after Buck gets injured on the field and Eddie finds out that he's the QB. However, Buck first time meeting Eddie (and Chris!) is definitely coming next!!

Enjoy :)

-

Hen clears Buck and they lead him off the field towards the team’s medical facilities to do a closer examination. Buck's legs aren’t injured and he shows no sign of a concussion, so there’s truly no reason for Eddie to wrap his arm around his waist and guide him through the tunnels, but he can’t make himself let go. He can’t make himself look at Buck either. 

Eddie’s thoughts are all over the place, racing and impossible to pin down. He feels… Well, he doesn’t know what he feels. 

Part of him is worried, but also relieved that Buck isn’t more injured. Another part of him feels confused and hurt and almost like he was the one that got slammed into by a 300 pound lineman, not Buck. 

A smaller part of him feels angry. Angry that Buck didn’t trust him. Angry that he let Buck into his life, all the while Buck was hiding a huge part of his. He doesn’t give a shit about football, Buck knew that. It wasn’t like he was going to treat him any differently or going running to the tabloids. 

What would he even tell them? That Buck cries while watching Pixar movies and knows way too much about tree frogs? That he makes amazing pancakes, but is terrible at cooking scrambled eggs? That Buck is one of the few people in Christopher’s life that treats him like any other kid. That he is Eddie’s best friend?

“Are you able to take off your jersey?” Eddie asks after seating Buck on the exam table. 

“Eddie…” Buck says softly, but Eddie continues on with his examination. 

“Can you lift up your arms?” 

“Wait. Can we–” Eddie turns to face Chimney, effectively cutting Buck off. 

“I need shears to cut his clothes off.” Chimney hesitates, looking between Eddie and Buck, but he digs through his medical bag anyway. Once they are in his hands, Eddie starts cutting through the layers of fabric. The bruise from the impact of the hit has only just started to form, but it looks nasty already.

Next, he starts to unclip Buck’s shoulder pads and protective gear. Buck is a big guy, even without his football gear, but sitting on the exam table, he looks smaller than ever. Eddie places his hands on Buck’s ribs and he hisses from the touch. 

“They’re going to do an x-ray, but I need to check for any fractures or breaks first.” Buck nods in understanding and Eddie presses down, feeling around his chest. Eddie has done this hundreds of times, both as a medic and as a firefighter, but with Buck every wince and hiss of pain reverberates through his body. 

Stripping off his gloves, he turns to Hen, Chimney, and the rest of the medical team. “I don’t feel any broken bones or cartilage, but it’s possible that there are a few fractures. They are bruised, but that’s all I can tell you from a physical examination.”

“That’s good news,” one of the team doctors says. “Not great news, obviously, but bruised is better than broken.”

Eddie stays with his back to Buck as the medical team leads him out of the room to get x-rayed. Once the door shuts, Eddie deflates, all of the air rushing out of his lungs. The adrenaline has worn off and he is hit with a wave of exhaustion. The only ones left in the room now are Chimney and Hen, who shift closer towards him.

“You guys knew, didn’t you?” Eddie says as he rubs his hands over his face.

In any other circumstance, Hen and Chimney would be teasing him right now, making jokes about how Eddie didn’t know that his best friend is one of the biggest players in the league, but the weight of Buck’s injury rests heavily on all of them. 

“Yeah, yeah we did,” Hen says sympathetically and squeezes Eddie’s arm. “I’m sorry you found out this way. What are you going to do now?”

Eddie sighs. “I don’t know.” 

Chimney puts a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “It will be alright, man,” he says. “Buck’s a fighter. He has a good team of doctors around him and he has you.” All Eddie can do is nod. He doesn’t know where he and Buck stand anymore. But, yeah, he has him.

“Now let’s get back out there. Maybe if we’re lucky someone else will get hurt and you’ll get to rub your hands all over another hot football player.”

“Chim,” Hen playfully shoves him, “shut up.”

Chimney cackles and they head back out to the field.

please let me know if you liked this!! If any of y'all have a specific part you want to see next or an idea send me an ask or write them in the tags!!

my nfl au tag <3

[unsolved-duvall]

𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 - 𝐞.𝐦.

eddie munson x fem!reader

summary your boyfriend was an asshole. eddie knew that. you knew that, too. but neither one of you had been brave enough to do anything about it. until now. (4.8k)

warnings reader's boyfriend is an asshole (obviously), implied that reader struggles with anxiety, reader technically cheats on her boyfriend (sucks to be him), kissing, fluff, that's all i think! let me know if i missed anything <3

Deep breaths. In and out.

The words would play on a loop in your head. Your own personal mantra you repeated in an attempt to calm your racing thoughts, and stop the words being sung around you from sinking into your mind and cementing themself there as truth. 

This shouldn’t be how you feel around your friends, you knew that. But the truth was they were your boyfriend's friends first. When you two had started dating he had introduced you to them and promised you that they were nice. Kind. Thoughtful. Caring. These were all real words he used to describe his asshole friends. And of course, you believed him, because what kind of boyfriend put you in any situation where you felt uncomfortable? A situation where you were torn down for other people’s enjoyment? 

Your boyfriend. Your boyfriend would do that. 

Your boyfriend was an asshole. 

Sometimes, on a good day, he would say nothing, choosing instead to sit in silence whilst your feelings got pulled apart and stamped on. Sometimes though, on a bad day, he would join in, laughing at whatever witty comment someone had conjured up about you. He had never once stood up for you. 

Asshole. 

Today was the same as every other, the morning had gone by in an instant and before you knew it the dreaded hour had crept up on you. You took your normal seat around the table, pushed into the corner of the canteen, and watched as your friends slowly flooded in and sat down, small talk and gossip filling the air. 

Your eyes scanned the canteen and you saw your boyfriend making his way over to you, your stomach dropped as he made eye contact with you, his aggravation already clear as he smiled, the kind of smile that didn’t reach his eyes. 

You forced yourself to hide the dread that was fighting to make itself obvious on your face, not that anyone was paying attention to you right now anyway. Your boyfriend sat down next to you and placed a hand on your leg, squeezing it once before pulling back and putting all his attention anywhere but on you. 

Lunch played out as normal, laughter and chatter filling the table as you attempted to make yourself as small as possible, hoping beyond hope that everyone would forget you were there and grant you some mercy. 

They didn’t. Because they never did. 

Soon enough the nasty comments started flying. 

You sat and desperately wanted today to be the day that your boyfriend would finally stand up for you; tell his friends they had gone too far or drag you away from them and tell you how sorry he was that you were being treated that way. But of course, he didn’t.

Anytime you would make eye contact with him he would look away quickly, his guilt obvious, but still not enough for him to stand up for you when you needed him. 

Soon enough the insults all began to blend into one and you were able to drown them out. Your gaze shifted to look outside the canteen windows, watching the grey clouds shift overhead. 

You weren’t sure how long you had been staring out of the windows, intent on daydreaming your way through lunch. But soon you felt a pair of eyes watching you, pulling your attention back inside the full canteen, you glanced around to find that you were in fact being looked at, but it wasn’t your boyfriend. 

Eddie was staring at you from across the canteen. 

Your eyes locked onto his and you felt heat rush to your face, a rose blush spreading over your cheeks. 

He smiled, one that reached his eyes, but you could sense that he wasn’t happy. Something about the way his face dropped so quickly, annoyance painting his face as his eyes scanned the table you were sitting at. 

You and Eddie had never spoken. But you knew of him, of course you did, it was all but impossible to live in Hawkins and not know who he was. His loud personality drawing the attention of anyone within a couple of metres of him, oftentimes your friends would stop their bullying just to watch as Eddie made himself the focal point of the canteen. 

The mix of the drawl of the people around you and the intensity of Eddie’s gaze, no matter how sincere, all got to be too much for you, your breathing speeding up and your shaky hands grabbing at one another in search of comfort. 

You jumped up suddenly and clumsily made your way past the other chairs that were haphazardly placed around the table. You heard a couple of protests and confusion at your quick exit, but you purposefully ignored each one and let your feet lead you out of the canteen. 

What you didn’t notice was a second pair of feet following you. 

Navigating your way through the sea of people around the school was difficult enough anyway, but doing it whilst your ears were ringing and you fought to hold back tears that were threatening to run down your cheeks, was even harder. 

You managed to get out broken excuse me’s and sorry’s every time you accidentally pushed someone as you made your way to… anywhere but here. 

Just as you started to panic you felt a hand on your back, it was barely even touching you, fingertips grazing your back just enough for you to register that someone was there, as soon as they had got your attention their hand dropped back to their side. 

You stopped walking and turned to see who had walked up behind you. 

Eddie. 

His doe eyes scanned your face. He had followed you because he knew something was wrong. But as he took in your teary eyes and saw how fast you were breathing he felt his heartbreak. 

“Okay, you’re okay. Do you wanna come with me, yeah?” Eddie asked you gently, careful not to upset you further. You nodded and Eddie sighed a breath of relief at your agreement. He didn’t want to leave you alone, but he didn’t want to force you to do anything you didn’t want to do either. 

Eddie knew you. You had two classes together and he always found himself drawn to you, which confused him, considering you two had never shared more than three words between yourselves.

But nevertheless, Eddie still noticed you. He noticed the way you twirled the rings on your finger when you were focused on something. He noticed how when you were really, truly happy your nose would scrunch up when you smiled. He noticed how your boyfriend treated you. How his friends treated you. 

He had noticed it for a while now, he overheard the things said to you when he would walk past your table in the canteen. He saw how your smile got smaller over time, and how you slowly stopped talking. He had given your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt, at first. Had hoped that one day he would defend you, or tell his friends to fuck off. Anything. But he never did. And Eddie had wanted to walk over to you and drag you away from them countless times.

 But you were an adult, and you could make your own decisions. So he told himself he would only do something when he couldn’t physically stand to watch you suffer through it anymore. 

He was ready to say “fuck it” today and pull you away from the situation. But before he could do that you had all but ran out of the canteen. He didn’t even think twice about following you. No, that’s not true. He couldn’t decide between making sure you were okay and beating the shit out of your boyfriend for being an asshole. But Eddie knew you needed to know someone cared about you, and noticed you, more than you needed someone to beat up your boyfriend. 

Also, Eddie wasn’t exactly a fighter, per se. 

Eddie led you through the bustling hallway, his pinky intertwined with yours as you walked closely behind him. You had been the one to take a hold of his hand, he could tell your anxiety was bad if you were clinging to him. He didn’t mind it though, he’d do whatever you needed him to. 

It quickly dawned on him that he hadn’t actually thought about what he would do when he caught up with you. He wasn’t exactly one to think ahead. He should probably start doing that. 

In a moment of sheer panic, Eddie pulls you into a closet. Okay, so that wasn’t the best decision he ever made. But sue him, he was trying his best. 

Before either of you can process what’s happening, you’re standing in a dark, dusty storage closet. Nothing but shelves and boxes fill the space. The door finally shuts behind you as you let go of Eddie’s hand. Your legs feel like they’re working overtime to keep you standing, that rush of panic still flooding your body, so you stumble over to the back wall, letting yourself sit down on the cold floor, finally feeling some sense of relief set in. 

Your knees are pulled up to your chest, hands resting on the floor on either side of you. You close your eyes for a second to let yourself relax, trying to rid your mind of the snide remarks made by your friends who were still sitting in the canteen. None of them had bothered to follow you. 

“Um- are you, are you okay?” Eddie’s voice was wary as he spoke to you. Almost like he was unsure if he should be speaking yet. 

“I just wanna go home” was all you could say, your voice wavering. Because you really just did not want to be here anymore. You didn’t want to have to deal with the rest of the day, seeing them again. 

Eddie’s face dropped as he realised just how exhausted you were. He hated that anyone could make you feel like that. 

“I can take you,” He said, still unsure of himself, but gaining some confidence due to how calm you seemed around him, he wasn’t used to that. “I can drive you home if you want me to. I know sometimes I just wanna, you know, be by myself” He was leaning against the door, hands in front of him as he fiddled with his rings, a nervous habit you assumed. 

“No.” You responded, too quickly to be casual. “I mean- no, I don’t really want to go home” You had hoped he would accept your answer, but he tilted his head to the side and said nothing, clearly waiting for you to elaborate.

“It’s too quiet.” You whispered. “At home.” 

Eddie shifted on his feet, eyes dropping to look at the dusty floor. 

“I think too much when it’s quiet. I don’t need to think anymore right now” You had barely said anything, but based on the look that spread across Eddie’s face you knew you had said too much anyway. 

“Because of them?” Eddie’s voice came out in an unnerving calm, his face was unreadable. 

Panic spread through you at how blunt he was being, you both knew who he was referring to. You felt the tears threaten to spill over again and at the first word you tried to speak your voice cracked, rather pathetically you thought. 

Eddie didn’t think so. He thought it was good that you were finally letting your emotions out. 

But still, his heart broke at how your lip quivered and your hands shook as you tried to wipe the tears away. He had kneeled in front of you before he realised he was moving. 

“That’s just how they are,” you tried to justify it - you weren’t sure if you were trying to convince Eddie or yourself. “they don’t mean any of it.” 

“And your boyfriend?” Eddie asked you, his voice thick with resentment. 

“I don’t wanna talk about him.” You said, your fingers pulling at a loose thread on your jumper. 

Eddie sighed and sat next to you, his legs pulled up to his chest, a mirror image of the way you were sitting. 

The bell rang outside, the sound muffled by the closet door. When you didn’t make any effort to move, neither did Eddie. 

“You can go, Eddie.” 

“I thought you didn’t want to be alone.” Eddie gently nudged you with his shoulder, and you couldn’t fight the smile that tugged at your lips. 

“You don’t want to spend your afternoon in a dark closet, at least I’m assuming- I don’t know what you do in your spare time.” 

Eddie turned his head to look at you, your voice sounded much softer than it had earlier. You sounded slightly more like yourself. The voice he was used to hearing across the classroom when you were laughing and talking to your friends. 

He never meant to eavesdrop. But your voice broke through the barrier he threw up around himself and he couldn’t pull himself away from letting your sweet voice wash over him. 

Eddie realised it had been a while since he’d said anything, but he was still staring at you. Luckily you were still preoccupied with that loose thread on your jumper, pulling at it and wrapping it around your finger. He found even that endearing. 

“Listen- you don’t have to but if you want to come with me, I am gonna go home anyway. You could come back to mine, or I can take you somewhere, whatever you want.” Eddie tensed as he said it. You didn’t know him, why would you want to go anywhere with him? You had no reason to even trust him. 

“Yeah. yeah, okay. That sounds nice, if you don’t mind because I don’t want to intrude-” 

“No! No, you’re not intruding, at all. I promise.” 

You smiled and dropped the loose thread. Eddie pushed up off the floor and held a hand out for you to pull yourself up. When you took his hand he felt sparks fly and he had to take a steadying breath. 

The halls were empty as you followed Eddie out of the school. Although, when a teacher called after you both, Eddie grabbed your hand and pulled you to his side, hurrying you out of the door and yelling something back at them. You were starting to piece together why he hadn’t graduated yet. 

“This is me,” Eddie told you as you walked up to his van. You didn’t tell him you already knew that. You figured it would come across slightly stalkerish. 

Which wasn’t the vibe you were going for. 

You nodded as he opened the door for you, a protective arm going out around when you climbed in. 

The drive to his was relatively quiet. The hum of the radio cut through any awkward silence, and you enjoyed watching the changing scenery fly past the windows. Just as your eyes started to feel heavy, and your head lolled against the headrest, you stopped moving. You sat up straight and looked over to see Eddie already smiling at you. 

“Were you sleeping?” he asked, a gentle laugh lacing his words. 

“No, I was just resting my eyes!” you threw back at him, he broke out into a full laugh then, one that had you laughing too. 

Eddie opened the door and climbed out, you followed him. Throwing your bag over your shoulder and listening to the gravel crunch under your shoes as you walked from the van to the trailer. Eddie held the door open for you, and you stepped in, turning awkwardly and waiting for him to follow you. You took a second to look around and couldn’t help but smile at how homely it felt- so different to your own home, in the best way. 

Eddie followed your eyes scanning the trailer and suddenly regretted bringing you here- but then the smile on your face met your eyes and you asked- 

“How many mugs do you have?” 

“Oh uh- huh, I don’t know actually. Ask my uncle he’d be able to tell you,” you leant against the counter behind you as he spoke, throwing his shoes and jacket off at the door. 

“Or don’t ask him actually. I love him but he will talk your ear off about those, and the hats.” you tilted your head, urging him to keep talking. 

“He collected them for a while, I don’t know why. He travelled around a lot for work and I guess it became a habit to buy one or the other, in all those places.”

“That’s cute!” you beamed at him. 

“Yeah don’t tell him it’s cute. Or do, I’d pay to see his reaction to that.” Eddie walked over to you, reaching up to grab two glasses from a cupboard and then filling them with water. 

He held one out for you and you took it, breathing out a thank you.

It seemed to hit both of you simultaneously that you were standing in Eddie’s home. Alone. Before this morning you hadn’t even spoken to one another.

It didn’t feel like it though. You felt safe with him, it felt like you had known each other for years. 

You didn’t even feel like this with your boyfriend. 

“Uh- we can sit if you want. Do you like… watching tv?” Eddie asked you, cringing as he heard how clumsily his words had come out, but he was already turning to walk over to the couch across from you. 

“Yeah, I like watching tv. I think most people do, actually.” your voice was laced with sarcasm and Eddie threw himself down on one end of the couch before he said-

“Hey, I didn’t wanna assume anything. You might have had a personal vendetta against it and I didn’t wanna get in the way of that.”

Your eyes sparkled as you also sat down, on the other end of the couch, although it wasn’t massive, so you weren’t that far away from Eddie anyway. 

“Nope, me and the tv are like that,” you crossed two fingers over the other and held them up, Eddie grinned and leant forward to grab the remote. 

“Good to know, sweetheart. You don’t mind what I put on?” 

Sweetheart?

A slip up, probably. Or he called every girl that. Most likely. Right? Yeah, because you had a boyfriend and that meant you shouldn’t care if Eddie called you sweetheart or not. And even if you- 

“Or you can pick, that’s okay too” 

Eddie’s voice cut through your thoughts and only then did you realise you hadn’t responded to his question. 

“Oh, no that’s okay! Sorry I was just- uh, put on whatever you want, I don’t mind Eds”

Eddie nodded and let some old movie play on the screen. Neither of you said anything as you settled back into the couch and let the movie play. 

After a while you noticed Eddie kept turning to look at you. At first you thought he was just watching your reaction to the movie, but then he kept doing it and you figured it was more than that. 

“Everything okay?” you asked, turning your body slightly to be able to look at Eddie without twisting your neck. 

“Yeah I just- are you okay? I know you might not want to talk about it and that’s fine but, I just wanted to make sure.” you knew what Eddie was referring to, and if it had been anyone else you probably, or definitely, would have told them to leave it alone. But something about the genuine look of concern that flooded Eddie’s face as he looked at you made you want to talk to him about it.

“They do it all the time. I guess I don’t say anything because I don’t wanna upset my boyfriend, they’re his friends, you know?”

Eddie also twisted, so his body was facing yours, and arm was thrown across the back of the couch. 

“So that means they get to treat you like shit?” 

“They’re just joking-“

“Pretty bad fucking jokes then,” Eddie said, cutting you off. 

“Listen, sweetheart,” there it was again. Sweetheart. 

“If I’m overstepping here, then feel free to tell me. But, you shouldn’t have to put up with that, okay? Why would people who claim to be your friend, want to spend all their time making fun of you? That’s not a friend, that’s someone who gets off on making others feel like shit, because they have no fucking confidence to be their own person, and you do. And that scares the shit out of them.”

You listened to Eddie talk and realised you could listen to him talk about anything, forever. 

“And as for your boyfriend? Listen, if you love him, then that’s your business. But, and I mean this is the least nice way possible, he’s the biggest asshole I have ever had the displeasure of coming across”

You turned your head away, your eyes flicking back to the movie that was still playing on the tv. You knew he was right. It just hurts to hear someone say what you already knew. 

“He should support you, love you. He’s not doing any of that. Fuck, if someone was saying that shit to you and I was your boyfriend? I would-“ 

“If you were my boyfriend?” You cut him off, eyes meeting him as your whole body tensed up. 

“No I didn’t mean- I just meant, you know if someone I was dating was being treated that way. I didn’t mean you specifically- not that I wouldn’t do it for you! Uh, I meant-“

“It’s okay, Eddie. I was joking.”

“Oh- right. No, I knew that. Sorry.” 

“You don’t need to say sorry.” you told him, your voice as quiet as it had been in that dusty closet. 

You both relaxed back into watching the movie. You felt yourself get more comfortable as your whole body weight leant against the couch, and as you did you felt yourself move towards Eddie. You did it without realising, but your head was resting against his shoulder. 

Eddie noticed it instantly. He didn’t say anything at first, but then he remembered you were vulnerable right now. You had had a rough day, emotionally you probably weren’t doing great. 

“I can grab you a pillow- if you want something to rest on. I get tired too, after being at school.” Eddie told you, his voice small, not wanting to startle you with how close your head was to his. 

“Oh- no that’s okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I was… I’m not tired.” you told him, your cheeks flushed in embarrassment.  

“I don’t mind getting you one, honestly. You were leaning against me, I just thought that meant you were tired.” Eddie said genuinely. 

“I just wanted to be closer to you. I’m sorry I should have asked if that was okay-“ the words came out of you far too fast to be casual. 

Eddie froze for a minute, you could almost see the thoughts racing around in his mind, “No, you’re okay. come here,” 

Eddie reached an arm out and you wasted no time setting into his side, your head resting in the crook of his neck and your arm coming round to rest over him. 

You had no idea what had come over you. You were never like this. But it was like you needed to be with Eddie, it was like there was some invisible string that pulled you to him, and the second you felt yourself wrapped in his warmth everything else faded into non-existence. It was just him, and how he felt beneath you. His chest rising and falling as your body sunk further into comfort against him. 

You spent the rest of the movie like that, neither of you speaking, except for the odd comment you would make about what was happening on screen, the other humming or nodding in agreement. 

The movie ended and neither of you made any attempt to move. 

“Are you hungry?” Eddie asked into the quiet air that surrounded you both.

“No, I’m okay” you breathed out. 

You moved your head so you could look at Eddie, but you didn’t pull away from him, leaving your faces close together. Too close. 

“You’re pretty” 

Oh. 

Oh. 

At first you froze because you didn’t realise you had said that out loud. 

Then you froze because you didn’t know why you were even thinking that.

Of course, he was pretty but- 

Fuck it. 

You moved slightly, and Eddie picked up on what you were doing instantly, and a gentle hand came down on top of yours, the one that was resting against his chest. 

“You have a boyfriend” Eddie breathed, his eyes scanning yours, and you swear stars flickered in them. 

“No I don’t,” you told him, “not really.” 

And that was all it took for you to let your lips intertwine with his. 

It was a soft kiss. Delicate, like either of you was waiting for the other to pull away. To tell them this was a mistake. 

But neither of you did. 

You broke the kiss only for a second. Your lips still grazed his and both of your eyes still shut as you took a deep breath, and then you were kissing him. 

Really, truly kissing him. 

Your lips moved against each other and the world suddenly felt like it made sense for the first time ever. 

His thumbs rubbed delicate circles into your cheeks and you placed a hand behind his neck, keeping him pressed flush against you. 

You were the one to run your tongue over his bottom lip, begging to deepen the kiss. 

You didn’t want anything more to happen, not today. Not yet. 

But you wanted to feel closer to him. You needed to be as close to him as possible, for your own sanity. 

Eddie would give you the whole world if you asked him to. So he kissed you. 

He kissed you until you were breathless.

He kissed you until you couldn’t even remember what had happened earlier that day. 

He kissed you until the whole world went quiet and all you could focus on was his tongue pressing against yours. The way his lips moved like silk against your own, and the little sounds you let out each time you pulled away reluctantly to breathe. 

You could die happily, kissing Eddie. 

Eddie kissed you until the front door opened and shut. Neither of you heard it. 

Eddie kissed you until you heard a man cough and suddenly Eddie’s lips weren’t on yours anymore and his cheeks had flushed a deep crimson. 

His hands dropped from your face, but he didn’t push you away, if anything his hold on you tightened, a comforting hand coming down to rest on your arm. 

“Sorry for interrupting” a gruff voice came from the man you had never met, but you put two and two together fairly quickly. 

“Fuck, Wayne- I’m sorry we- I thought you were out today,” Eddie spoke as you tried to figure out how quickly you could run home from here. 

“I was, and now I’m back,” Wayne said, his eyes flicking to you, and then back to Eddie. 

“Yeah, I can see that.” Eddie shot back, although there was no genuine annoyance in his voice, purely embarrassment, although he tried to hide that. 

“I have to sleep on that couch you know, you have a bedroom for a reason-“

“No! No, we weren’t! It’s not- we were just… we weren’t doing that” Eddie finally dropped his hold on you as he said that as if every touch you two shared was being carefully monitored. 

“Well I’m just saying- when I’m not here, and in your own room, that’s all I ask,” Wayne told you both. 

“You got it,” Eddie said, cringing. 

There was a pause for a moment and then- 

“Are you gonna introduce us or are you gonna let the poor girl sit there looking like she wants to jump in front of a car.” Wayne asked as he made his way over, a soft smile on his face as he sat down in the only other chair in the living room.  

Eddie introduced you, and you apologised for what he had walked into. He shrugged it off, telling you he had lived with Eddie for years, and that he’d seen a lot worse. 

You laughed at that. Eddie did not. 

“Hey, Wayne. She was asking about your mug collection, you wanna tell her about it?” Eddie’s smug voice rang out and you didn’t even need to look at his face to see the smile that graced it. 

Wayne jumped up and you followed him with your eyes, interlinking your hand with Eddie’s as he spoke, “Oh, okay so- I have a lot, as you can see, so this might take a while! But we’ll start with this one-“

You heard Eddie stifle a laugh beside you, but you only leant further into him, and happily listened to Wayne speak for the next half an hour. While Eddie kept you safe against him.

[ghosttotheparty]

love me softly p5

tags from @howdidyouallgetinmyroom on part four bc hello!! tentative but sweet!!! describes their relationship EXACTLY

-

They end up at the quarry, parked up on the cliff and listening to the water in the dark after the lights of the van turn off. And they talk. And talk and talk and talk. Steve is a little drunk. He keeps giggling about how Eddie fell on his way out the window.

Eddie tells him about his own dad when they’re sitting in the back of the van. How he used to talk to Eddie, what he used to call him. That Eddie moved to Hawkins when he was a kid with his uncle just to get away from him. And Steve mumbles that he’s glad that Eddie is in Hawkins. That he likes seeing him in the hallways.

And Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever felt peace like this, sitting in silence, in the middle of the night, in the dark, with a tipsy Steve Harrington.

He takes Steve home after a while, doing his best to follow Steve’s directions around town until he finds his house. It’s in the woods, hidden from view until he’s pulling into the driveway, and it’s fucking massive. A mansion out in the asscrack of nowhere.

Steve just sighs when they arrive. And Eddie tells him softly, Go to bed, Stevie. And Steve tells him softly, Thank you.

Steve avoids his eyes at school on Monday, but it isn’t weird. Because his cheeks are pink every time Eddie catches him looking, and because because he isn’t just looking, but he’s taking sneaking glances.

He seems almost nervous, anxious about something, but Eddie doesn’t know what until the end of the day, when he’s hurriedly swinging his locker open. He stops short, his eyes catching on a folded piece of paper on top of the mess of books and trash that fill his locker.

His face is burning immediately, and the hurry of catching up with the guys is gone from his mind as he reaches for it, leaning into the locker to hide as he unfolds it.

He has to close his eyes for a moment after seeing it, falling into his locker with a quiet giggle.

It’s a messy drawing of two figures sitting side by side. The pencil marks are zig-zagged in shadows, dark and heavy, and he can see the smudges from Steve’s hand, where it dragged the graphite across the page.

Eddie’s face hurts because he’s smiling so hard, and he feels so warm he might develop a fever. It feels like there’s a beam of sunlight in his chest.

The drawing goes up on his wall when he gets home. He tells Steve he got it by sending him a wink next time he catches him looking, and Steve’s face lights up pink before he looks away.

He does that a lot. Especially if he’s with his friends. Eddie doesn’t mind.

Because he’s the one that got to sit in the dark with Steve, that got to listen to his nearly delirious giggles, that gets little sketches in his locker. No one else got any of that.

The next time he sees Steve do That Thing, it’s after school on a Friday, and Eddie is headed to his locker after Hellfire.

Everyone else has already headed home, and the halls are quiet and dark as he’s sorting through his notebooks, struggling not to drop anything, and he startles when a door bangs open.

He rolls his eyes at the sound of raucous, dude bro laughter, trying to hurry so he can leave before they make their way down the hall, but a notebook slips from his arm, and loose papers scatter across the floor. Character sheets, stats, everything.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—”

He scrambles to pick them up, shoving everything into his locker and falling to his knees, snatching them up without caring about wrinkling and folding them.

The laughter and banter falls silent when they round the corner, and Eddie grits his teeth.

“What’s this?” Tommy Hagen’s voice says, and it’s so patronising and mean that Eddie glares up at him. “You cleaning up from your Satanic club?”

Eddie huffs, grabbing the last paper and standing.

“Nothing Satanic about it, man.” They’re the same height. Eddie wishes he was taller. “You should stop talking about shit you don’t understand.”

Tommy cocks his head, his eyes narrowing.

“What the hell makes you think you can talk to me like that?” he asks in low voice. Eddie almost laughs.

“What the hell make you think I can’t?”

Tommy’s nostrils flare, and his eyes are shining in the dim light of the hallway, and he smacks the papers out of Eddie’s hands. They scatter across the floor again, and the boys behind Tommy laugh. Except Steve.

“Tommy, come on.”

“Not so brave when you’re not on tables, huh?” Tommy says, ignoring Steve and pushing at Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie stumbles back without breaking eye contact, setting his jaw and pushing Tommy’s hands away, but Tommy just pushes him again.

“Tommy, stop,” Steve says sharply, tugging on Tommy’s hood and pulling him away. “Come on, man, cut it out.”

“Jesus,” Tommy says, shrugging him off. “What, are you friends with this freak?”

Eddie’s head tilts, still staring silently at Tommy.

“No, I—” Steve hesitates, adjusting his bag. “You’re just being a dick for no reason, he isn’t doing anything.”

“He’s taking up space,” Tommy says dryly, giving Eddie a look.

“Come on,” Steve says again. “You were already saying you’re gonna be late home, let’s just go.”

Tommy just huffs and walks past, stepping directly on a character sheet and kicking it away behind himself. The other boys laugh and bump into Eddie, jostling him as they pass, and Eddie finally lowers to the ground, slowly collecting papers.

He looks over his shoulder to find Steve looking back at him, an unreadable, desperate expression on his face. Eddie looks away.

The last page he collects is ripped. And his eyes burn.

He hasn’t cried in a long time. He doesn’t know why this is the last straw.

Tears are falling on the paper, and he wipes his face so hard it hurts, standing to shove everything in his locker before he slams it shut, the sound of it echoing down the hall.

He goes to the closest bathroom to splash some water in his face, but the water just mixes with his tears, which won’t stop.

So he lets himself cry, lets the tears slide down his face as he slides down the wall to sit on the floor, tucking his face under the collar of his shirt.

He hasn’t cried this hard in months. Maybe years. His throat hurts, and his body is trembling, and his face aches, and he can’t fucking stop.

He’s distantly aware of a voice, but doesn’t lift his head until a hand lands gently on his shoulder, and he startles violently, recoiling and hitting the hand away as he lifts his head.

Steve is crouching in front of him, but he’s covering his head with his arm, his eyes squeezed shut before he open them to look at Eddie, a fear in his eyes that makes Eddie’s whole body hurt.

Eddie moves quickly, shifting to his knees so he’s kneeling in front of Steve, and he hugs him tightly, his arms around his neck, and he’s still sobbing, his words almost unintelligible.

“No— I’m sorry, I— I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry, Steve—”

Steve is already hugging him back, pulling Eddie against himself.

“No, it’s okay,” Steve says quietly. His hands run over Eddie’s back, and he’s hushing him softly, whispering to him, and Eddie is just crying.

He presses his face into Steve’s shoulder, letting out hiccuping sobs, and Steve’s cheek presses to the top of his head as his arms tighten. He slides until he’s sitting, gathering Eddie between his legs.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Eddie sobs, clutching at Steve’s arm. “I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Steve says softly, rocking them slightly. “I know, Eddie, it’s okay.”

He’s rubbing his back gently, combing through his hair, taking shaky breaths that tell Eddie that he’s crying too.

“God, I’m sorry,” Eddie chokes, reaching to wipe his own face, trying to sit up, but Steve doesn’t let him, wiping it away himself.

“‘S okay to cry,” he says gently.

And Eddie realises something awful.

Something irreversible, something so fucking terrible that it just makes him cry harder.

He’s falling in love.

He closes his eyes and falls against Steve, crying harder.

“Eddie,” Steve whispers after a while, almost cradling Eddie’s head. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why the fuck are you apologising?” Eddie asks weakly, lifting his head, and Steve wipes his cheek again.

“Because I… said that …”

Oh.

Eddie shakes his head, grabbing the front of Steve’s shirt.

“No, I don’t care about that.”

“You know I was lying, right?” Steve asks desperately, leaning forward. Eddie wants to kiss him.

“I know,” Eddie says, nodding. “I’m not— I’m not crying about that.”

“Okay,” Steve breathes. His eyes are glistening with unshed tears, and Eddie’s chest hurts. “Then why…”

Eddie shakes his head, swallowing thickly, and a tear falls down his cheek. Steve’s hand is warm when he wipes it away. Eddie wants to die.

“I don’t know,” he says quietly. His eyes drift down Steve’s face, tracing his moles. “I think I just… Today’s been long, I think I just— like, crashed.”

“That’s okay,” Steve says softly.

“‘M sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologise for.”

Steve’s voice is soft, echoey, bouncing off the white tiled walls. Eddie exhales shakily, wiping his face again.

“What would make you feel better?” Steve asks softly. Eddie shrugs weakly.

“I don’t know.”

Steve is quiet, one of his hands still running through Eddie’s hair gently, and Eddie realises that he’s still grasping Steve’s shirt in his hand. His cheeks burn and he pulls his hand away, releasing the fabric, but Steve catches his hand, squeezing it.

Eddie’s eyes catch on their hands, watching Steve’s fingers brush over his skin. His hands are so different from Eddie’s, longer and more graceful, smooth and soft and unscarred. More tan, especially against Eddie’s pale skin and the silver rings he’s wearing. Eddie can’t looks away. His breathing is slower, and the tears have stopped, but his skin is tacky with them, and he can see his clumped eyelashes in his peripheral vision.

He can feel Steve looking at him. Steve, who’s sitting in silence on the floor of a school bathroom, holding his hand.

“Do you wanna go for a drive?” Eddie asks quietly.

“Yeah,” Steve says softly. “I’d like that.”

“Okay.”

Eddie drives. They leave Steve’s car in the school parking lot and sit in silence until they reach the quarry again. Eddie drives there almost on instinct, like it’s where they’re supposed to be, and they sit in the back together, close enough that their legs are touching.

It feels easier for Eddie to exist when he’s not in the school.

“You wanna talk about your day?” Steve asks quietly. It’s dark in the van, dark outside, and Eddie can hear the sound of the water below them. It’s nice.

“‘S just…” He pauses. “I don’t know, it wasn’t that it was bad, it just… Was long.”

“You, uhm.” Steve hesitates. “God, that sounds mean, never mind.”

“Just say it,” Eddie says with a little laugh.

“You… You look tired lately. When I see you.”

Eddie sighs, letting his head fall back to the wall.

“I really hate school,” he says. “Don’t like being there.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Eddie nods, and he takes a deep breath. It shakes.

There’s a quiet moment, and then Steve is moving closer, his arms stretching to take Eddie between them, and Eddie lets himself fall against Steve again. His chest hurts.

He lays against Steve’s chest, tucking his hands between them comfortably, and Steve’s face presses to the top of Eddie’s head. Eddie closes his eyes.

“I’m sorry my friends are assholes,” Steve says quietly.

“‘S not your fault.”

“Still.”

“Don’t apologise to me, Steve. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“…Okay.”

“You even got Tommy to stop,” Eddie adds, suddenly remembering. “Which…” Steve’s hand runs over his head, over his mangled curls. “Thank you.”

Steve just holds him tighter.

Eddie’s eyes squeeze, and he’s almost nuzzling into Steve’s chest. He smells like cologne, and like something that belongs just to Steve. Eddie wonders if his house has the same smell. If his bed does. (It probably does. Though Eddie would love to do his own investigation into the question.)

“One of my character sheets ripped,” Eddie says quietly, breaking the silence. “That was— That was what kind of… I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What did I just say?”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Steve.”

“Fuck, sorry.”

They’re both giggling quietly. Eddie can feel Steve’s chest shaking with it.

“Steve.”

“Sorry— Fuck—“

Eddie sits up and claps a hand over Steve’s mouth, watching as Steve’s eyes sparkle and crinkle under his grin.

“Just stop talking,” Eddie says.

Steve nods.

Eddie removes his hand and lays back down against his chest.

“Who was the character?” Steve asks after a few moments.

“Hm?”

“The— The character sheet. Tell me about the character.” He drags his fingertips through Eddie’s hair. “I don’t know anything D&D, I’m very out of my element. But I’m… willing to learn.”

“Jesus,” Eddie breathes.

“What?”

“You’re a sweetheart, Steve Harrington.”

Steve giggles again.

Eddie tells him. He talks and talks and talks, tracing lines over Steve’s arm mindlessly, melting against Steve even more when his fingers tangle in Eddie’s hair and tug lightly as he’s playing with it.

It feels nice.

Steve asks him questions, prompts him to give him more information, and he’s actually interested in what Eddie’s saying, and there’s a swarm of butterflies in Eddie’s stomach. He might die.

After a while Eddie falls quiet, and his eyes falling shut, and the feelings of Steve’s heartbeat on his face and Steve’s fingers in his hair are lulling him to sleep.

“Shit,” he says softly, starting to sit up, blinking his eyes.

“What?” Steve says in a small voice, his hand falling away from Eddie’s hair.

“I’m falling asleep, I’m…”

“That’s okay,” Steve says. His hand tugs at Eddie’s shirt gently. “‘S fine, come back.”

He sounds so small, so desperate, that Eddie doesn’t even think twice before he falling onto Steve again, and Steve is hugging him tightly. Eddie squeezes his eyes shut, gripping Steve’s shirt.

“When am I driving you back to your car?” he asks, his voice muffled by Steve’s chest.

“Don’t know,” Steve says, sighing softly. “Don’t care.”

“…Okay.”

Their legs twine together, and Eddie turns slightly, his head resting under Steve’s chin. He can feel Steve’s chest rise and fall with every breath, can feel Steve’s arms firm around him like he’s holding him in place, and he doesn’t think he’s ever felt like before. This safe and protected and comfortable, in the arms of a boy he’s actually talked with approximately three times.

He slides a hand down Steve’s arm, over the folds of his shirt, over his forearm, over his wrist, over his hand. He traces his knuckles. They’re so soft.

He traces light lines over Steve’s fingers, and Steve is lifting them to meet Eddie’s until their fingers are curling together.

Eddie squeezes his eyes shut, furrowing his brows. Steve’s arm tightens around Eddie and he squeezes his hand, and Eddie turns his face to press to Steve’s chest.

Eddie wonders if Steve knows what he’s doing. If he has any idea how fucking gay this is, snuggling Eddie in the back of his van.

But Steve doesn’t seem to mind. His other hand runs over Eddie’s hair again. And Eddie drifts off.

part six

read the whole thing on ao3

[danosrosegarden]

💨💨💨💨🍃

…….🚶

..howdy partner..I hear you’re doing requests here..

I say that’s a mighty fine thing to do, I have a request for ye..if ya think ya can handle it partner..(I know you can I’m just playing up the cowboy thing)

How’s a bout..Fem!Reader goes to see Edward Nashton in Arkham, nothing smutty no no, we want pure sugar here cowpoke..something to make the tooth ache with how sweet it is partner.

Reader reassures Edward and they can have a tender moment of your choosing..

Alright..let’s get riding off. It was good to see ya partner. See ya

🌅

🐎

when the sun hits - edward nashton x gn!reader ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

{contains: sad fluff and mild mentions of violence.}

Arkham was a dark, empty night, void of stars, barren of any sliver of moon. It was as if you could feel the grime ground into the floor as you were led down the hallway. The frosty chill of the air in the asylum sunk deep into your marrow. It was impossibly bleak, hopelessly desolate. And you hated to imagine your Eddie in a place like this.

You couldn't help but feel a sheen of disapproval cast over the glaring eyes of the guards leading you to his cell. How could you still love a monster like him? To them, he was a rabid dog, fangs still dripping with the blood of the innocent, eyes still bloodshot with streaks of burning-hot frenzy. He was a killer. He was the man who giggled while he splintered bones, grinned gleefully as he cracked skulls. That's all they saw.

Fuck what they thought. You knew better.

Your stomach was in a billion impossibly twisted knots as the metal barricade groaned as it lifted.

And there he was. How to describe the scene.

The first thing you noticed were his eyes. Though bags pulled at the skin underneath them in a dull, weary violet, there was something deep in the pitch black pupils that glimmered like glitter underneath the whirring lights when he saw you.

Edward placed his hands on the glass, scoffing out a wonder-struck laugh.

"Hi, angel," a quivering voice spoke.

When Edward was The Riddler, he was no longer a cold, frightened child who kept his head down and spoke to nobody. He was strong. He was brave. You detected something in his voice that sounded like him before he put the mask on, something quiet and stamped-out and fearful. You felt the woosh of your heart in your ears, and your jaw ached and popped with anxiety.

"Hi, Eddie."

You stood facing each other, wading around aimlessly in a thick goo of silence. What to say. What even was there to say?

He spoke first.

"I'm so sorry."

You felt the stitches of your heart begin to rip apart. "Sorry for what?"

"For...for putting you through all this. For leaving you." His lip quivered. "I'm so, so sorry."

You cursed your body for the tears you felt welling up and burning in the corner of your eyes.

"I hate being without you." The words that poured from your lips felt mechanical, like you were a wind-up toy, marching without thinking. It came out rushed. Pathetic and whimper-laced. "I hate it so much, Eddie."

He shook his head rapidly, his breath fogging up the glass. "I'll find a way. We don't have to be apart."

A filmstrip of memories rolled in your mind of all the evenings he'd spent at your apartment. The tender mornings you'd wake up with your bodies entangled in one another. The laughing until tears were rolling down your cheeks. Your heart still struggled with his actions, but there was no denying how badly you ached for his presence.

It hurt to go to bed alone. The sheets felt stiff and bitterly cold, the blanket laying on top of you like the shell of the memory of his warmth.

"I don't care what I have to do. I'll write. I'll call. You can come visit," he said rapidly. "I can't be without you. I can't make it alone."

The future seemed gray and bleak from where you were standing. But maybe you could spot the sun peaking through the clouds. Maybe it might take effort, but it was as if you could feel the sparkling sunrays warming your skin as you peered into his eyes. Perhaps your apartment would feel less riddled with ghosts if you could still talk to him through letters and phone calls. Maybe his touch wouldn't feel a million miles away if you could still visit.

"I'm going to do whatever it takes," he swore with a low whisper.

You held you hand up to where his rested on the glass.

"You promise?"

[owmylasagna-blog]

Headcanon: I guess post-BPS, Eddy would be really depressed and in a indetity crisis for at very least two weeks (it's too much of a drastic change to him), Edd would do his best to be a sensitive, empathetic friend and help him out while struggling with his own flaws and his bitchy side (I figure they would stop bickering SO THAT MUCH after BPS, at least for a while). tbh I guess Ed would be too happy making friends with the kids or rebulting a sibling relationship with Sarah to notice for some while (He always had been somewhat oblivious to the others' problems, and I figure him being the most popular, beloved, accepted one post-BPS).

What do you think?

Oh yes let’s talk about it! I could see quite a lot of what you’ve mentioned happening for sure. I’m just gonna go into more detail because I can’t help myself and you asked so…

BPS obviously is meant to be THE groundbreaking moment for Eddy’s character. So let’s get into it.

Eddy is a survivor of abuse. And a fighter. He’s got a little of that Childhood Trauma™️ and it does in fact “build [his] character”. See what I did there? Anyway, the point is that just because Eddy has this major turning point, his trauma isn’t going anywhere overnight.

Rachel Connor, one of the writers of the movie who worked specifically on the scenes with Bro, wrote a post where she described Eddy as the Great Pretender which… BIG OOF! As the show progresses Eddy loses sight of who he is more and more as he digs himself deeper into the Bro hole: emulating him more, wanting to impress him more, lying about him more (or perpetuating lies. Who knows!). The whole Great Pretender act isn’t exactly fulfilling. It’s putting more stress on his actual friendships with his pals. His depression in the 5th season (@book-o-scams has written about this) feels like a result of all this.

So when Eddy’s scam goes so horribly wrong that he and his friends are run out of PC, he almost loses Edd’s friendship, only to get publicly abused by his big bro, Eddy is faced with the reality of the person he could become. And that’s when he knows it has to end. This epiphany should be liberating for him in some ways but also sets off a whole self discovery journey. Of course he’d feel a little lost at the start, trying out lots of different versions of himself, before ultimately embracing his multifaceted self into adulthood. Aren’t we all a little lost in our teen years?

After all he’s been through with his brother, the guy has major trust issues. It's clear that Eddy is anxious to belong and be popular, but attempting to fleece the other kids for quarters at every turn isn’t exactly the best way of making friends (except that it’s a bonding activity with the other Eds). And that feels intentional whether he’s conscious of it or not, that what he’s really after is status instead of acceptance. Because if he doesn’t get too close with others he can’t get hurt. Trust issues are really hard to shake. That’s always going to impact his relationships and specifically his interactions with the other kids immediately following the events of BPS. It’s going to take him years to work through that. And I think he will, with time, get better at trusting and getting close to others.

My interpretation is that Eddy would be pretty bummed and depressed for a while despite all the new acceptance from his other peers, just because he’s having to analyze his own behavior more, question his relationship with his bro, with his family at large, with his best friends, with everyone else around him. I often add a layer of him struggling with the realization he might be gay during the year or two following the events of BPS, and that's not the easiest pill for him to swallow either. I think he’d still put up walls to protect himself and try to find ways to be liked and accepted, to be entertaining or prove himself. I don’t see him immediately being as outgoing with the other cul-se-sac kids as he is within the Eds, but I think at his core he is actually a cool and interesting guy and that comes through. On the flip side, I think he’d mostly work on being more honest and vulnerable with Edd and Ed in the months and years following which just strengthens their bonds more and together they learn to be better people to each other! Woohoo!

We’re moving on: Edd. BPS is a trial of his friendship with Eddy and they came out the other side much more sympathetic to one another. The tension that grows between them during the series run is as much a result of Eddy’s desperation as it is a result of Edd’s anxiety getting way worse. So yes, where I do see Edd helping Eddy through some of his depression following BPS, I also see Eddy helping ground Edd with some of his own issues that are percolating to the surface more. Just two little emo outcasts being there for eachother. Couldn’t be a recipe for a little gay awakening. No chance. (I’m being sarcastic, y’all. You know my schtick). I still think they’d bicker, though. Like a lot. It’s just core to their personalities. Fights just wouldn’t come to blows in the same way. It’s a lot harder to stay mad when you can see the clearly labeled buttons you’re pushing, you know?

Outside of his relationship to Eddy, Edd also seems to be shifting away from being blindly obedient towards authority like in the series. Nothing like seeing a man-child beat on an actual child to really wreck your world view. Up until that point, Edd is a textbook rule follower. I think there is an interesting perspective shift, seeing the world as Eddy has, that will shake his idealism and optimism ever so slightly. Thus starting a tiny little rebellious streak. Again, can’t reiterate enough that turning 13 is such a bitch. The mental toil.

Ed. Oh, Ed. Ed kinda has his whole thing figured out already. I sometimes describe Ed’s heroic act in BPS as him getting his brain back a bit after the school season episodes. I think the kid just dissociates especially hard when he is at school which makes him seem extra random in these episodes. We all gotta cope somehow. Anyway, I do also weirdly think Ed would get on with the other cul-de-sac kids pretty well on his own: he already has decent rapport with the likes of Jonny and Rolf so it would be interesting to see these relationships explored more. In the show he already seems the floater type. Maybe Ed becomes Jonny’s only friend when he becomes the new “outcast” of the cul-de-sac.

I think his consistency is really going to help Edd and Eddy through whatever ups and downs they go through. He’s the type to lighten the mood or give a sympathetic ear or listen to a rant without judgment. He has and always will accept them just as they are, and himself just as he is, and that does wonders for the group’s morale. Also, with Eddy dialing back on the Bro act I can see Ed also being kinder (he’s often feeding off the bad examples) and really embracing the surrogate big brother role for Eddy. I’d love for that relationship to be strengthened more too, and Ed to come to his defense and protection more readily in the way he does with Sarah. At first it would probably annoy Eddy to no end but he’d reluctantly get over it because deep down it feels good to be cared for. Soft like mashed potatoes indeed.

More than Ed rebuilding the relationship with Sarah is Sarah sticking up for her brother to her parents. I think she’d definitely come around to recognizing she’s abused her privileges as the favorite child and also grateful that her brother didn’t turn out That Bad considering. While she’s mending things with Ed I think she’d still take out her younger sibling rage on Eddy (I like to think she sees him as a bonus brother she never asked for). I don’t think they necessarily hate each other or anything, they just have that energy of two scrappy alley cats who have to hiss and swat before parting ways.

[thegoldheartlocketandkey-blog]

911 Spoilers Season 2: You’ve been warned. 😅

Episode 15-18

Episode 15

• Bank safe emergency where Hen gets trapped.

• Eddie using his military background, believes the man collapsing is caused by a nerve agent.

• During the rescue Buck is watching Eddie drill the safe door.

I feel the need to explain myself and the reason why my notes say things like Buck is watching Eddie. The entire point of this little project of mine is to dissect the concept of Buddie and my reasoning for shipping them. Which means understanding Buck and Eddie as individuals and just noting down even the smallest interactions we see on screen of them together. Yes it’s a bit unhinged I’m aware.

• Buck being Buck and doing everything he can to save Hen. Which includes aggressively driving the fire engine to create a hole in the wall.

• Eddie, Buck, Bobbie looking through the hole in the wall. I think this moment would make for a cute background photo.

• The 118 get back from the rescue. Buck and Eddie hopping out of the truck together.

• Eddie being sassy, hands on his hips when cops find the money in the truck.

• Interrogations; Buck being adorable and confused. Eddie being annoyed and sassy.

• Buck and Eddie hanging the Welcome Banner for Chimney.

• Eddie worried about money. Taking on multiple shifts for Christopher. Openly stating that Christopher is worth the struggle. Also spending $150 on surf lessons. Eddie and Shannon working on their relationship. Eddie still holding her at arms length.

• Eddie and Buck being equally as sassy with the rest of the 118, while confronting Frank the actual thief.

• Buck sitting across from Eddie when Bobby, Athena, and Hen are trying to explain the crime. Buck being confused.

Episode 16

• Bobby Begins Again. The first 5 minutes of this episode broke me.

• No Buddie.

• We are introduced to how Buck first interacted with Bobby.

• Buck and Eddie standing close together when Bobby announces he’s being investigated and can’t act as captain.

Episode 17

• Eddie, Shannon, and Christopher on the beach "Playing Family"

• Eddie is unsure of his feelings towards Shannon. If he sees her as just Christopher’s mother or is he actually in love with her.

• Shannon tells Eddie that she might be pregnant. He is completely shocked.

When I say “playing family” I don’t mean it to sound dismissive or criticizing this family dynamic. They are a family, but they are playing into what others would expect from them. The interactions Shannon and Eddie have together feels like it’s for Christopher and not necessarily for their love of each other. Shannon being the one to ask Eddie, “what is this” show cases the uncertainty in the relationship.

• Buck is freaking out about figuring out a plan to get Bobby back as Captain.

• Eddie and Buck cleaning up and rolling up hoes and putting it back into the truck.

• Buck and Eddie pressed up near each other against the fire truck.

• Eddie bringing up his situation with Shannon to Bobby.

• Chocolate factory rescue; Buck and Eddie make eye contact while trying to pull man out. Eddie catching Buck and preventing him from falling into the chocolate.

• First Bombing victim rescue; Eddie watches husband tell his wife he loves her. Eddie contemplating his relationship with Shannon even more.

• Eddie FaceTiming Shannon, says “I love you”. As he hangs up, Buck appearing out of nowhere and asking Eddie “when’s the wedding?”

• Eddie is now contemplating remarrying Shannon.

• Eddie and Shannon go out on a date. Eddie goes on to give a speech about their relationship. Eddie begins to describe their relationship as something that drags him down, but that he knows it. He’s comfortable in their relationship.

I wish I was exaggerating. Eddie really thought that the best way to confess what he believes is love and wanting to reestablish their relationship as a married couple was to say she drags him down in a weird metaphor about chocolate she obviously wouldn’t understand.

• Eddie wants to propose but Shannon wants a divorce. Shannon tells him she’s not pregnant, she was just late. Both Eddie and Shannon are easily able to talk about how much they love Christopher.

• This interaction really show cases how amazing of a father Eddie is and how it comes easier to him than being in the relationship with Shannon.

• At the car accident scene Buck is the first realizes Shannon is the injured person. (At least the first reaction we see)

• Buck tying to keep Eddie calm and away from the scene, but ultimately failing.

• Eddie saying good bye was sort of cold and distant. You can blame the military for this, if you want another explanation for the behavior. I will admit that " be silent" will always be off putting and out of place. It honestly made the moment a bit funny and took me out of any sad emotions I was feeling.

• Did the 118 kill Shannon by not intubating sooner?!

Chimney and Hen have a scene right after explaining how she was going to die regardless of what they did. But honestly it does not feel that way. The entire situation just felt like a cheap and easy way to get rid of Shannon and not include her in the overall story anymore. Personally I wish we saw Eddie and Shannon go through the divorce and maintain a healthy coparenting relationship.

• Eddie picks up Shannon’s things. Has to tell Christopher that his mother died.

• Buck is visibly worried about Eddie.

• Eddie is cryng at the beach.

So my personal head cannon is that Eddie is gay man in denial, speaking as a woman who was once in denial of her sexuality. I might make a more detailed post of closeted/denial gay Eddie, but for now I will say that I wholeheartedly believe that Eddie really did think he was in love with Shannon. He cared for her, was attracted to her, had love for her, but not actually in love with her.

Episode 18

• We meet Eddie's family. 🙁

• His parents want Eddie to move back to Texas with the ruse that Christopher needs to be close to family.

• Eddie estabishes he has a life and family in LA. His tía reenforces this point. He definitely is also talking about the 118.

• Buck is searching for an apartment with Ally.

• Live Stream rescue; Where Eddie and Buck are being shipped by viewers. Comments like “they are a cute couple” graced our screens.

• Buck trapped under the fire engine after the bomb exploded.

• Eddie death glares the bomber.

• The collateral damage comment from the bomber almost sent Eddie on attack mode.

• Eddie being the one to pull him out from under the truck.

• Eddie being along side him in the ambulance.

• Buck waking up in hospital bed to Carla.

• Buck being destroyed over the fact that he might not work again as a firefighter.

• Ally kisses Buck passionately. It’s a bit off putting because we barely saw her in the season. Their relationship was definitely off screen and implied, I liked Ally, wish we saw more of her.

• Bobbie is back as captan. Hen states "Every thing is back to how it should be " Eddie corrects her with an “Almost" in reference to Buck not being there.

• Buck chose the wrong aparment with Ally given the circumstances.

• Ally doesn’t want him to be a firefighter. They breakup because of their lifestyle differences. They end up breaking up.

• Buck getting dressed up for Eddies ceremony. He should stay home to heal but states nothing is more important than this ceremony.

• Buck only thinks he only matters as a firefighter.

• Back sitting front row for Eddie's ceremony. Buck being so proud watching Christopher walk over to Eddie with the helmet.

• Buck and Eddie hug 🥰

Something I want to note. During the montage of Eddie’s ceremony we get all these cute little clips of Eddie and Buck and Christopher individually. Laughing, hugging, messing around. My favorite thing the editors did was post a clip of Eddie eating cake and than switching over to Buck eating cake or Eddie interacting with friends and family and switching over to Buck interacting with family and friends. I can’t say that was done on purpose, but I like to believe it was.

[magnoliabutters]

• FEELING EVERYTHING •

pairing: kas!vamp eddie munson x (she/her) reader

summary: so what kas saved your life?! it’s not like you owe him everything…

warnings: 18+ content, mdni, adult language; canon divergence, enemies to lovers trope, season 4 spoilers, previous parts mentioned; sexy angst, slight suicidal ideation, manipulation, child abuse (previous trauma mentioned), toxic ass kas, sexual advances tied with a misunderstanding, hot and cold dynamics, dwugs, depression, grief, anxiety (panic), y/n count: 3, etc.

word count: ~8.9k

reblogs, comments, & thoughts are appreciated 🦇

• stories of eddie munson series • season two • previous part •

note: as always, thank you for the patience! we're almost coming to a close y'all! in this part, i tried to challenge myself to focus more on describing the visuals and the scene. let me know your thoughts! i cannot wait to read your reactions!

note to the note: my partner, who was so kind to beta-read, found an inconsistency around the border of vecna’s “new world.” you may or may not catch it. i just wanna share i am aware, and i am upset haha unfortunately caught it too late 🥲

The dried grass is rough against your shins. A sea of plains ahead that curl into waves with each blow of the wind. The orange streaked sky, a beautiful sight, now a daunting reminder to find shelter before the night. You wish you could have been here any other time. The gorgeous way the sunlight trickles onto the glossy leaves of the trees. The way the sun feels against your skin. The air just cold enough that the warmth of its rays feel nostalgic. 

Eddie would have loved this. The opportunity to find civilization, as though it was some challenging quest. He would have compared it to some battle his Dungeons and Dragons character led the party into. His arms stretched out as he passionately tells the tale of how they won the fight with only a sliver of a chance. A heroic and miraculous story that only he could tell correctly. 

He always told stories in a way that made you feel as though you were actually there, feeling each and every emotion. All the ups and downs. He had you clinging to the edge of your seat, clinging onto every word no matter the topic. Your heart warms at the thought of that beautiful mouth speaking a million words a second as he excitedly shares a story. God, how you wish you could see him again. 

The uncomfortable scratching of the heavy grass continues to remind you that an oversized t-shirt and panties is not the ideal hiking gear. Not that you exactly had a choice. You struggle to step through the field, stumbling along with your arms held out wide for balance.

“You look like a bird,” Kas scoffs as his thick leather boots crunch against the yellow waves of the pasture. His bare chest still littered with pink scratches. He carelessly plows through the tall grass. Your eyes instinctually roll, leaving another muffled chuckle to drop from his lips. Your hands gradually fall to your side as embarrassment seeps into your pores. 

“Do you even know where we’re going?” he mutters as he swats away a horse fly. Your annoyance levels have been seriously dampened with the recent events. Kas’ constant “are we there yet” attitude is not helping in the slightest. “I figure if we keep heading north, we’ll get to the highway and,” you bite your lip, tensing your brow as you point over the vast hill. “Um, we’ll just hitchhike.” You shrug, looking back at him with a weakly confident expression. His face deadpanned as he stares back at you with lack lustered eyes. 

“Hitchhike?” Kas asks with a monotone. “Yeah,” you grumble in hesitancy. “Doesn’t everyone in a fifty mile radius of Hawkins think I am some satanic serial killer?” he inquires with the side of his lip pulled as he stares at you in judgment. Your eyes fall as you realize your mistake. “Well, um, let’s just find the highway first and figure out what to do from there,” you utter as you push through another bundle of grass. “Okay,” he says in a sing-songy voice as he walks off in front of you. 

This is your life now. You try your best not to compare between the two - knowing that would cause you nothing but pain, but it’s hard. It’s so hard to know what you had and what you have lost, and what you have now. A small part of you wishes you had nothing at all.

With great love, comes great vulnerability and despair. You find yourself wondering if it was worth it. If loving Eddie was worth the pain of losing him. Of having his complete opposite inhabit his body and parade the fact that he is no longer the love of your life. In fact, he punishes you for thinking that, as if you could resist the urge. The agony you feel, both physical and emotional, almost pushes you off the edge. The question of “is it worth it?” echoes through your mind. 

Kas looks ahead of the pairing. He notes a break in the clear pasture and sees a tree line. His eyes discern its distance, noting that it is a rather thin tree line. Suddenly, he sees motion rushing by behind the trunks. The only vehicles he is used to were filled with and destroyed by Vecna’s blackened veins, but he still identifies the motion as cars. Excitement fills his chest as he hurriedly turns around with a finger pointing at the tree line. 

But when he turns, his smile disappears. He watches as your eyes are glued to the ground. Your face is solemn. The edges of your beautiful lips turned downward as your hair covers your face. The excitement immediately shifts to worry as he takes a step towards you. His hand slowly moves to your gaze, interrupting your thoughts. 

As your head innocently raises towards him, Kas shoots you a comforting smile. His hands, both naturally and hesitantly, flow to the sides of your arms. You decide to shoot him a weak grin as you appreciate what he is trying so hard to do. And with that, Kas pulls you in - deeply pressured against his chest as his arms wrap around your upper back. 

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispers against your ear. His chin finding a place upon the top of your shoulder. Such a familiar feeling, Eddie’s embrace, and yet you have another reminder of his lost presence. You want him so badly. You wish he could be here. That his true self was holding you, comforting you. Your hands fall upon the base of his spine, pulling him tightly into you. Abruptly, the sobs fall from your lips as you push yourself deeper against the warmth of his skin. 

Kas knows you are hurting - who wouldn’t be after what you have been through? The thing is he wasn’t sure exactly how much pain filled your saddened soul, but once he heard those sobs - he knew. It is gut wrenching to feel your body heave against his. The pain is so much worse than the sensation of your nails digging against his skin. His hands smooth out your back as he attempts to comfort your contorting body. 

Finally, you feel it. You feel everything you have pushed deep within yourself since you heard of Eddie’s passing. The pain. The anguish. The betrayal. The threat of death. The fear of death - an actual impending death - no longer one in the far off future. You lost the love of your life. 

Eddie is dead. 

And your heart has felt empty since your realization of this. Your knees give out and both you and Kas fall to the floor. Kneeling beside each other and still stuck in a beautiful embrace. 

As tears stream down your face, Kas pulls away slightly to look at you. His brows push together as his thumb traces against your cheeks. “Sh, sh, sh,” he whispers as one of his hands caresses the back of your head. He pulls you gently and closer to his chest. His chin now resting against your hairline. 

Abruptly, you pull away, sniffling as you do. You are confident you look a hot mess but you don’t care, not even a little. You wipe your nose as your eyes darken before him. He stares at you in confusion and worry. His body aching for your touch. 

“You said you saved me,” you start slowly, attempting to push down the sobs that climb your throat. “That you would have never killed me.” Kas nods with curiosity as your eyes raise to his. “I-I want to talk about something and I don’t want to hear shit about it,” you spit out harshly. However, your expression immediately returns to the vulnerable girl that Kas has grown to love. It leaves a hint of a smile on his face.

“What would you like to talk about?” he asks softly. With a deep sigh, you mumble, “I want to talk about Eddie.” Kas winces at the name, something you immediately notice. Another physical pain shoots through your chest as you prepare your body for his rejection. He takes a deep breath, placing his palms to his knees as he slowly nods with eyes to the ground beneath you both.

“Go ahead,” he whispers. Your heart fills with joy, enough to completely disregard his body language. Soft sobs follow your laughter. Your hand pushes the tears away from your cheeks as he slowly raises his head. “He was beautiful,” you choke out whimpers with an ambiguous smile to your face. “He is easily the best person I have ever met,” you laugh out weakly.

A small, tight smile forms on Kas’ face as his hand slides behind your head once again. He pulls you into the side of his neck. His other hand collapsing around your crying body. “At first, I had no idea how he could be so confident and silly,” a smile emerges on your face as he wipes another round of tears from your cheeks. 

“Do you remember any of his rants in the cafeteria?” you ask excitedly. Your inexperience with vulnerability attempting to make the conversation less one-sided. The smile on his face slowly grows as a low hum of a chuckle riffles in his throat. He slowly nods as his grip tightens at your waist. "I remember one distinctly about how the cafeteria stopped giving out corn on the cob," he answers.

In the midst of a laugh, you pull back to look at his face. “What else do you remember?” you ask, placing a hand to his chest. Tears now well in your eyes, as opposed to flowing down your cheeks. Kas takes a deep breath, following the press of his tongue against the back of his front teeth. 

The silence flattens your grin. You lean backwards to pull your thighs and legs from his knees. The tightness and excitement in his chest persists as Kas remembers how his words impact you. How your smile grows any time he shares a memory. How his heart flutters at the sound of your giggle. 

He winces, disgusted with the warm, cuddley shit that Eddie’s more accustomed to. And yet, here he is - desperate to put a smile on your incredible face. A part of him wonders if you were manipulating him. Show him a grin and he is a puddle between your thighs. He hates the hold you have over him. How your happiness makes his undead heart beat. 

Kas wonders if he will ever have autonomy, or if he will continue to be a slave for others as long as his mystical life will allow. His body craves for yours, pushing his mind to find a way back to caressing your soft skin. He sorts through the hazy fog and recollected memories. 

With a huff, he shares, “I remember the day you made Mac n Cheese.” He lightly taps his fingers against his thighs as he adjusts to sit cross legged. His eyes were down, but he could see you beaming off-center of his gaze. 

“We were with, um,” he hesitates as he looks up. His hands quickly move around, gesturing as he speaks. “Wayne,” the name pops out eagerly from your sweet lips. An encouraging nod to follow. “Wayne, yeah,” Kas agrees slowly, pretending as though he did not know exactly who his uncle, Wayne Edward Munson, was. 

“He liked you,” Kas says, lifting his brow as a smirk appears on his cheek. You laugh to yourself, feeling a warmth in your chest. “You know, Eddie - I mean - he told me that but I still wasn’t sure,” you end with a chuckle. His eyes lift to yours - those button eyes comparable to your childhood teddy bear. They always left happiness ringing through your body. 

He shakes his head. “No, darlin’,” he starts. “There’s no world where you wouldn’t be on anyone’s good side.” With a slight chuckle, he adds, “Hell, I kept pushing you away and I couldn’t stay hating you.” You bite your lip, trying to hide the largest smile since you last kissed Eddie. “I am pretty loveable, aren’t I?” you ask sheepishly. With his tongue stuck to his canine, he lets out a deep sigh paired with a smile. “Yeah,” he says slyly and with a shrug. “I guess that’s true.”

Your eyes flow towards the sky, noting the bright stars twinkling above. The joy you feel is addicting. Something incomparable to the last few days. You dare not disturb it. And yet...

“There was something about your family,” Kas starts with a furrowed brow. A memory floods his brain, something he did not account for. “It was complicated. You had so many locks, to be safe - to feel safe.” Your smile dropped, but he had not noticed. His eyes pull straight, narrowing as he attempts to grab hold of this memory. 

“They hurt you,” Kas lets out as a sigh, as though the realization was just then. “Why didn’t he do anything about it?” he asks in an accusatory tone. His nostrils flare as his chest rises and his back straightens. He places his sights on you. Your hands push together, sliding between your thighs. Eyes resting upon them as the sadness sinks in your heart.

“Eddie, you just don’t understand,” you say as you harshly push the tear from your cheek. “No, baby, I understand completely. What do you think my dad did to me before Wayne ran him off?” Eddie whisper yells as he points up the stairs. “They can’t keep doing this to you!” The fire fueling in his stomach is the same firing his clenched fists. How dare they hurt you? How dare anyone lay a finger on you?

“Please, Eddie, please just stop,” you mumble in between cries. Your hand pulling at his arm, creating distance between him and the stairs. Eddie could see your eyes were fixated on your bedroom door. “No, y/n,” he says abruptly. His stance fixed and firm. His eyes unrecognizable.

Eddie pulls his arm from your grasp, causing you to take a step back. But quickly, he grabs hold of your forearm. His fingers squeezing against your skin as he tugs you closer to him. His other hand lightly lands next to the assorted bruises you had up and down your arm. Gently, he raises your arm to show the purple splotches thrown against your ribs that were hidden by your shirt. He expected the surprise on your face, as he knew you thought he only saw the marks on your arm. 

“Y/n, there is no way in hell that this is okay,” Eddie says through grinding teeth. Heavied breaths fall from his flared nostrils as he looks up at the stairway again. “Eddie,” you say weakly as tears run rampant down your face. “Please, you’re hurting me,” you share as you lightly push at his hardened grip. 

Eddie quickly turns around with horror on his face as his eyes are met with the dark pink imprints of his fingers upon your skin. He stumbles back with his hand placed against his chest. “I-I I’m sorry,” he starts as he backs into a support beam. A small cough exists between you two as he clears his throat. His eyes watering as his chin glues stuck against his chest. 

“Baby,” you crumble before him. Your hand leading your body as it lands softly against his cheek. His hand collapsing over yours. Your other rests against his sternum. “Eddie, baby, you didn’t mean it...” 

Kas snaps his eyes towards you. Abruptly, he pulls himself from the memory, having seen everything he needed to see. His brows push together as his upper lip slightly pulls. “He hit you?” he asks with shock thick in his intonation. A hand reaches out to your knee. 

“Excuse me?” you pull away disgusted. You cannot help but stand and look down at him. “I just,” you chuckle in disbelief, giving up further with each breath you take. Your hands gesturing with a shrug. “I wanted to be happy, remember the times when life was actually good, for once.” A scoff falls, and you shake your head. “It’s like you want me to be in pain - to suffer along with you.” Eyes looking off into the night sky, desperate to go back to that happiness. But it does not come. 

Kas pulls his hand away, landing it softly against his lap. A white hot flash spreading between his nostrils and eyes. He meant to make you happy, but he remembered something. He pursued it, like he figured you would want him to. But maybe not this memory. Are there bad memories between the lovebirds? 

Like a switch, his anger kicks in. An undeniable defense mechanism that he will continue to deny. “And what pain am I in, darlin’?” he scoffs. Your eyes flick up, searching for some sign of dismay in his. You find absolutely none. “God, just never mind,” you throw your head as you continue forward, brushing the thought off to hide yourself from more pain. 

“No, no, no, little lady,” Kas laughs as he grabs your forearm, pulling you backwards. “We’re still talking.” The whiplash of his grip twists your body into his. His other hand quickly falls at the base of your back as he pulls you onto him. “Let go of me, asshole,” you demand brutally as you push against him. He laughs as he lets you stumble back. An ache begins to ring in your wrist. 

“You want to talk, Kas, fine,” you yell at him, pushing your palms harshly against his bare chest. His stumble back is met with another condescending chuckle. “Eddie never hurt me.” You can feel your entire face tensing up. Every muscle, even those you didn’t even know you had.

“Don’t forget, I was there,” Kas mocks, pointing a finger to his temple. “You weren’t there,” you spit out. “Those are Eddie’s.” He laughs, leaning over and holding his stomach. He takes a deep breath and in a combustion of sarcasm and genuineness, he softly says, “Eddie’s not here anymore.” 

Now, it is your turn to scoff. “And you just love reminding me,” you say, shame-filled. He chuckles, his head swaying side to side as he settles into his suave stance. Confident, boisterous, annoying.

“You do understand though, right?” you ask with confidence. He adjusts immediately detecting that he now has a contender in front of him, as opposed to a weak girl. “Eddie never hurt me,” you say softly. “You, on the other hand, you’ve hurt me every second since I met you,” you end with a hiss. 

Kas’ lips fall into a line. His eyes raking over your facial features, processing those sinful words. You watch, pleased with his response. You soak in the pain displayed exclusively on his face without regret. “What was that again?” you exaggerate thinking with a finger bouncing off your chin. “What pain are you in, darlin’? This kind,” you end with disgust as you point him up and down. 

He continues to stare at you with widening eyes. His face blank now, as though all the blood drained from it. “Let’s just keep going,” you suggest. The moral compass in your head is wavering. You walk forward, noting his lack of movement.

“Do you remember anything else about that night?” Kas calls out blankly. You turn around to face him, expecting sarcasm but seeing absolutely nothing in those dark brown eyes. “I do,” you whisper.

“Will you tell me?” he asks with his head down as he takes a step towards you. A part of you hesitates, wondering if this is just another trick of his. But you wanted to reminisce on memories. Here is your chance. “Sure,” you say in a lackluster tone. He nods, encouraging you to continue.

“It was just another regular day. Eddie came over after DND, like usual,” you shake your head as you attempt to remember. “My dad was a dick that day so Eds had to meet me at the back door.” Your eyes close as you continue, “I snuck him in and we went to my room and we were just talking about our days on my bed eating pizza.” You smile. “When we were laying down, I guess my shirt rolled up and he saw the bruises from earlier that day."

You laugh aloud, quickly pinning your mouth closed and hiding a smile. “He is the most stubborn person I know,” you share, forgetting who you were sharing with. “He wouldn’t let it go. He needed to know where the bruises were from and to see more.”

You stop immediately when you feel hot at your tear ducts. You quickly decide to keep a memory of love between you and Eddie. Another smile emerging as you acknowledge the realization that that was the moment you knew, without a doubt, Eddie Munson loved you. That he was the only person who loved you enough to care about your safety. 

“I fucking caved, as usual,” you giggle. “And when I showed him, he got pissed. I’ve never seen him more mad. I saw this fire in his eyes, I saw…” your brain stops working. Your brows crunch together as your eyes fall to the floor, processing the new information. 

After some time, you look up to Kas, who has been watching you continually. “I saw you in-in his eyes,” you say in awe. Kas’ flattened lips slowly flicker into a smirk.

You knew Kas? You saw him in Eddie, and you did not run. He existed before Eddie died. You know it to be true. He was there, and he was loved … by you. 

Quickly, you shake your head, trying to rid yourself of the thought. You would not dare disrespect Eddie by comparing him in any way to Kas. “Uh, he wanted to beat up my dad for hurting me. I had to talk him down,” you say plainly. “He was feeling all those emotions so he-he just squeezed my arm,” you reenact the movement. “But when I told him to stop, it was like he realized he was hurting me and acted like he had control of it, like he should’ve known better.” 

Your eyes fall on Kas’ once again. “He did not hurt me on purpose. He would never hurt me on purpose. And that is what you should remember,” you say clearly.

But Kas will not remember that distinction. He has better things to think about. “Just as long as you remember that you saw me that night,” he says with a chuckle. “God, you’re so damn good at making everything about you,” you throw out with a hand to your hip. “Oh yeah? 'Cause I thought it was all about you later that night?” he asks with bouncing brows. Your eyes darkened. “You remember,” you reply flatly. 

“Yes, baby, I remember that night,” Kas smirks as he takes another step, like a lion stalking it's prey. “I remember when he laid you on the bed. How he traced his fingers up your leg,” he says softly as he attempts to do the same. You pull back in disgust, unsure of where this is coming from. He looks at you daringly.

“You liked it when he did it,” he huffs. “Well, what about when he kissed your neck.” He steps forward once more, hooking his arm around your waist and pressing your torso against his chest. Frankly, you were completely done with his manhandling. His lips fall upon your skin like unwanted tickles. Your elbow rests against his chest as you press your weight upon it. But this time, he did not pull away. He continues on.

“Oh, not that?” Kas asks amusingly, clearly not understanding the situation. His hands slowly trickle down your sides and to the front of your waist. “What about when he unbuttoned your pants-” “No, Kas!”  you yell, pushing with all your force. He stumbles backwards with arms held out wide. His face both concerned and surprised. "No," you repeat sternly.

“I thought we were…” he trails off, slowly understanding exactly what he was doing. “No, Kas, we weren’t,”  you say roughly. “Fuck, man! Why the hell would you even think that?” You push the hair from your face as you await his explanation. Kas’ held out hands slowly raise to a defensive position. “I-l I didn’t mean for any of that, we just, uh, we fight and then we,” he stutters. Wide, watering eyes. Stumbling his words as he continues to step back.

You could see him. Just like that night. Just like when he hurt you accidentally. His remorse. His horror of what he has done. You could see Eddie again. 

“Thank you for backing off,” you whisper. You look up to Kas as he sucks his tongue against his gums, pushing tears back into his eyes. He hides his face form you’d “I’m sorry,” he says with a deep voice after a quick clearing of his throat. “Thank you,” you mutter. “Let’s just keep walking, okay?” you suggest, pushing ahead. Kas solemnly follows behind you - at a distance. 

It was stupid to stop and talk. The sun is completely gone. That road Kas thought he saw? Yeah, that was a river. A river you both had to strategically hop stones to cross. A river you fell ass first in when you slipped on a mossy stone. His bustling laughter echoing in the emptied space, and yet you trek forward. 

An odd gesture but Kas offers you his black boots. The first six times you refused, but once your feet started bleeding you decided why the hell not. They were two sizes too big and clunky things. You don’t even think Eddie would wear these, not outside of his room. But Kas? He does not have a single care in the world. 

You figured that after Vecna, normal things like dark forests would not bother you in the slightest. You were wrong. You could hear him in any brush of leaves from the wind. You could feel him when you step on unexpected rocks, attempting to navigate through the tall grass. You could see him in the shadows by the tree trunks. You could smell him in the dry air. 

A snap. 

“What was that?” you whisper quickly. Your arms are held defensively in front of your chest as though you are ready for something to jump out. Kas looks back at you and immediately rolls his eyes. “I stepped on a branch,” he laughs. You cannot fully trust your eyes, but you swear you saw adoration in his smile as opposed to the usual condescending attitude. 

You shake off the jitters, feeling prickles trace down your limbs and up your neck. “It’s cool, I’m, uh,” you say as something catches your eye on the ground. You let out a soft sigh of relief as your eyes return to his. “Yeah, I am a-okay,” you say more convincingly. You could almost convince yourself. 

Kas bites his lip, studying you as you walk past him. “Are you afraid of the dark, little girl?” he whispers in your ear as ticklish fingers prance against the skin of your sides. “Kas, stop,” you stay sternly, swatting his hands away. “Seriously, though, what do you have to worry about with me here?” he scoffs amusingly. A smile growing on his face by the second as he catches up and walks beside you. 

“Hm, I don’t know. Maybe that flayed piece of jerky back there?” you say pointing behind you as you roll your eyes. “We’re outside of where he can reach, there’s no way he could get us,” he tries to soothe with a smile, but immediately recognizes the thin line growing between your brows. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Kas whispers as he gently holds your wrist. He stops you in your tracks. You suck your tongue against your teeth as you avoid eye contact at all costs. “Hey,” he repeats in a deeper tone. His hands now cupped to your cheeks, forcing you to look at him. “Vecna cannot get us here,” he says clearly. “No one will hurt you as long as I am around.” 

You cannot help but search for Eddie in those eyes. Just to see him one more time, but you know that will never be enough. Kas will never be enough. But his words help and you are able to take a deep breath. 

You nod, and he slowly drops his hands from your face. “Thank you,” you murmur. The word is now way too common in both of your vernaculars. Kas walks off with a smile, not turning back to look at you, not even once. 

Staring at the glow of the moon, you would guess it had to be at least 4 or 5am. Not that you would even really know what to do with that information gathered from this view. All you know is that you are getting tired, and the night sky is changing from pure darkness to a deep gray. 

“Ok, I know last time I was wrong, but I’m pretty sure that’s an intersection,” Kas mumbles as he points forward. Your head snaps, following his gaze, with widening eyes. Your palm lands softly at your forehead as you quietly scoff in disbelief. Do your eyes deceive you? A honk of an 18-wheeler confirms your wish. You turn around with hands up in excitement. He chuckles at how big your eyes have gotten. A hand covering his growing smile. 

“That’s a car, Kas, that’s a fucking car!” you scream. You rush through the trees, trying your best not to slide atop of the wet leaves. Alas, you ram your torso against the trunk of a tree in excitement as you watch the scene unfold before you. The pain is unnoticeable.

The street lights illuminate like auras against the misty fog. The wafting smell of cigarettes fleeing the convenience store. The blinding shine of headlights wrapping around the corner every few seconds. Honking, dings, spitting, ringing, a musty old muffler - finally, people.

Not once would you have ever expected the joy of finding people again, and yet here you are. You just needed a fresh look at how shitty the alternative is to know that reality is at least 1% shittier. Hope fills your chest as you take a step forward, only for Kas to pull you back. 

“What?” you bark at him, pulling your arm away. “Take a good look at yourself, darlin’. You really want to walk up to that gas station like that?” Kas says with a point as he nonchalantly leans back on a tree behind him. You look down at yourself, remembering your lack of pants, Kas’ ratty shirt and his stocky boots. You take a deep breath as you softly say, “I guess you’re right.” 

He stands up, almost immediately, which draws your attention. A smirk growing on his face. “What did you say?” he asks with a leading tone. You roll your eyes recognizing his intention. “Must not have been important if you didn’t hear it the first time,” you murmur with a grin.

Kas slowly walks towards you, making your grin beam more and more with each step. “Oh, I heard it,” he says softly as he leans in closer to you. “I just wanted to hear it again,” he whispers and pulls back. You push against his chest with a laugh, leaving him with a chuckle and a raised chin as he peers down at you. 

“Okay, Kas, if we can’t go down there, where are we going to go?” you ask sarcastically. Kas smiles, moving his head to its side. “Oh, sweet girl. I know exactly where we’re going,” he murmurs. Your face deadpans as you watch him confidently strut down the hill and next to the street. “Wait, what do you mean?” you call after him. Rushing to follow him, you slip but Kas was able to hook his arm around you before you landed against the dirt and dust. He relinquishes his hand, faster than you expected and it leaves you confused. 

“You see that street? Hudson Ave?” he asks, pointing up at the street sign. You watch him with a perplexed expression, unsure of where he was going with the conversation. “Yeah?” you answer confusingly. “I know Hudson Ave,” he shares, looking back down at you. “We’re by Lover’s Lake.”

You take a deep breath of disappointment as you wipe your palms against your face. “I thought we were closer to the school than that,” you sigh. That would mean at least another 5 to 10 miles before being able to collapse into a bed. “Sounds like we need a place to stay for the night,” he says with excitement, as though he already knew the answer. “Yeah?” you ask again with squinting eyes. 

“I know a place. It’s safe, closed off, no one’s gonna be there,” Kas adds with a bit lip and slow nodding. Your face is emotionless as you watch his encouraging eyes. “How far is it?” you ask. 

“Kas, you didn’t tell me we were breaking into the place!” you ask with a worried, hushed tone. Your back stands behind Kas’, covering him as he hunches over to pick the front door’s lock. Your eyes scanning for any sign of life as the sun begins to rise over the patch of forest.

Arms are crossed against your chest, attempting to gather as much warmth as possible. “Yeah, I don’t tell you a lot of things,” Kas whispers to himself. A tongue stuck between his lips with pressed brows as he focuses on the clicks within the lock. “Almost there,” he leads.

One click and his smirk grows to an unbearable size. He turns to you with the utmost confidence. You pull your eyes away in an attempt to avoid looking at his sweetness. “Okay, we get it. You’re a badass,” you mumble, quickly moving into a whine. “Common, it’s cold out here!”

Kas chuckles to himself, almost a hum that vibrates within his chest. You could feel it too, in your own, that leaves a spark of something familiar. You push it away, deep within your stomach, refusing to acknowledge it. 

“Alright, alright,” Kas brushes off. “I’m hurrying.” With a twist and a push, you were in. The room was dusty. The air was stagnant. Your face showed everything, all your thoughts on the place. Completely disgusted by the state of the place. He couldn’t help but laugh to himself.

“It’s, uh, it’s cozy,” you whisper as you take a sharp breath. Half drunken beer bottles are left piled in the sink. A bra of unknown origin rests strung against the top of the couch. A rug, if you were so kind, rests tattered and torn throughout the room. A spindle of its fabric lays beneath your foot. 

The only pristine thing in the place is a glass cabinet filled with different variations of bongs. As much as you would like to deny it, the sparkles catch your eye. A brown glassed stem filled with peace signs - you imagine it to be at least 10 years old. Another looked like the yellow smiley face that has spread across the world in the past few years - you enjoy that one. One shaped like a dark blue toilet bowl - you are not too keen on that. Lastly, a pipe with a bowl painted like R2-D2 - that might have been your favorite. 

Before you knew it, you were standing right before the glass. Admiring the collection. Kas walks behind you. A cool whisper against your neck, “Can you guess where we are?” You shudder at his breath, but a piece of you welcomed his proximity.

“A dealer,” you say matter-of-factly, as you turn to face him. “Rick’s, right?” You knew he wanted to throw you off guard. He pulls back and slowly nods as respect fills the room. Of course, a respect that did not last very long.

“Then you must’ve known that this is where he stayed,” Kas mumbles carelessly. He carefully and judgingly picks up an opened bag of Fritos with his thumb and index finger off of the coffee table. Nuggets of weed organized perfectly upon the surface. Crushed green resting within a silver grinder. 

Eddie most definitely was here. You try your best not to let it show on your face, but you wondered if this is where he radioed you. Did he sleep on that disgusting ratty couch? Was that the last place he ever slept? You make your way into the kitchen, careful not to show your haste. Opened tin cans of corn stacked in a pyramid stare back at you. His last meal? A pot is barely balanced on the stove’s burner. 

Despite the rush of emotion in your chest, you smile at the thought of him cooking. Eddie was always a mess in the kitchen. You are honestly surprised that he did not leave the gas on. Memories of burnt pancakes and hardened spaghetti fill your taste buds. 

He may not have been the best chef, but he made up for it. There is nothing like watching him and that messy bun. Flour on his face as that familiar tongue sticks out while he’s focusing. An apron somehow already covered with syrup, even though there was yet to be any pancakes. His shirt cut off at the sleeves with strings of fabric comfortably against his biceps. 

Watching him in that moment, you saw your future. A future filled with laughter and messes. Dancing in the kitchen. Finally, feeling safe - safe in his arms. Maybe he would even make you feel safe enough to give him a little one when you were both older. The world deserved another Munson, another Eddie. 

But just like the rest of your dreams, this one will never come true. Another future ripped from your grasp. A happiness you had only a taste of and will never see again. And somehow, you are supposed to be okay with that - to keep moving on. Especially now that there’s some super villain dickwad that wants you dead. 

There’s no time to stop and grieve, like you thought. Part of you wishes you could, but another is thankful. Truthfully, you are afraid of what your life would look like if you truly let yourself feel everything. Feel your loss. It would not be much of a life, not after you get your revenge. 

Take one step at a time, you remind yourself. Vecna’s death is and should always be the highest priority. How do you kill him? How do you ensure that you are the final blow? What are his weaknesses? 

“Darlin’,” Kas whispers. He has been watching you silently as you stand in the kitchen. His intention was to catch you off guard with the information of Eddie’s stay. And he did just that but yet, no enjoyment in the act. What typically brings him happiness, his fucking with you, is not hitting the spot anymore.

He now worries about you. He worries about you constantly. He hasn’t stopped since that night in the diner. If he is honest with himself, these feelings would track all the way back to the night he first saw you. 

Kas lays a careful hand against your shoulder. Your head quickly turns to look at him. A shock coursing through your body. “Let’s get washed up,” he suggests softly. You nod, but a slow smile grows upon your face. His expression turns inquisitive as a chuckle leaves his throat. “Dibs on the shower,” you scream as you rush up the stairs. He watches you run and instinctually follows just as quickly behind you. 

You both playfully bump into each other as you struggle up the narrow staircase. As you manage to get a two step advantage, Kas grabs onto your ankle. You lightly fall against the wood as he scoots past you. “Fucker!” you giggle as you run to catch up to him. Bouncing off the walls, you push against his shoulder. You gain the advantage as you burst through a door.

Immediately, you are horrified by the sight. A tossed around bedroom with bright orange carpet. Your eyes are immediately drawn to the mirrored ceiling, which then led you to the cheetah print sheets. Your lips part as your jaw hangs open.

“Oh my god,” you whisper as Kas finally catches up. A laughter erupts beside you, but you cannot pull your gaze away. “Oh yeah,” he jokes in your ear. “Reefer Rick’s got bangin’ taste.” You push him away from you with a sneer. 

Beyond the disturbing clash in colors, you see a sliding door that leads to a balcony. The wood is of a greenish tint. Ivy covers its banisters. An old copper-rusted chair rests in the middle of the panels. A heavily used bong, tinted brown with tar, rests at its very edge. 

But despite all that, the view is incredible. There is no denying it. A gray and purple fog resides just above the black water. You could actually see the sun’s rays refracting within its dense mist. Sights like these have always made you feel better. There is nothing like Mother Nature to make that debby downer within you disappear. 

“Shower’s over here,” Kas says as he leans against the threshold bathroom’s threshold with crossed arms. You smile, turning around, and walking into the room. “Didn’t think you would actually respect a dibs,” you share. Thankfully, Reefer Rick seems to have better standards for cleanliness in the shower. You are pleased with its state. “Oh, I can’t mess with the dibs gods,” he scoffs incredulously. 

After noting which knob is for hot water, you realize that Kas is still standing beside you. You turn around to him beginning to unbuckle his belt. “What are you doing?” you ask with a nervous giggle. He pops his head up from his hands. His mouth in a thin line.

“Um, getting ready for our shower,” he answers. “Our shower, huh?” you giggle. “Oh, what? I thought you liked taking showers with your men?” he says as he leans in to you. His hands drop his buckle as his belt rests open at his waist. You struggle not to draw your eyes to it. 

You quickly recover and smile. “You remember a lot more than you’re letting on, Kas,” you say under your breath. “First of all, there are no men. Only Eddie, and you’re not him, right?” you ask with a leading tone. “So, I’m going to take this shower alone.” You point towards the shower curtain behind you with a smirk. 

Kas smiles with a shrug. “I guess I’ll wait my turn,” he says lightly. “Great call,” you whisper. Almost retaliatory, he unbuttons his black jeans, pulling the zipper down slowly. Teeth digging into his bottom lip.

You try your best to keep your eyes on his, but you are clearly struggling and he knows it. He loves it. The smirk growing on his face by the second. A hint of blush to his cheeks. “I’ll just be out here, sweet girl,” he soothes. His own thumb pointing back into the bedroom as he slowly walks backwards. 

An undeniable, unstoppable grin beams across your face as you close the door. Fuck. The thin wooden barrier gives you enough space to consider the wild things rushing through your mind. How you wish you could just pull those jeans down, get on your knees, and make him forget that Vecna never existed. How you wish you could have dragged him into the shower with you. How he could make you forget that your pain even existed with those hands of his.

You need to cool down. Quickly. Dragging your palms down your face, you walk towards the shower. You turn the knob for cold water, leaving a slight bit of heat to settle in. You slowly raise your arms, attempting to take your shirt off, but the pain hit you like a truck. You wince at the feeling. Immediately, you hear Kas knocking. “You alright?” he asks. You laugh, “Yeah, Kas, I’m good.” 

It feels so damn good to take off that ratty shirt. To take off those panties. To take off his oversized combat boots. With a deep breath, you step into the shower. The rush of the freeze was shocking, yet comforting at the same time. The feel of the water splashing against your scalp and running down your temples, cheeks, and chin. 

You reach for the soap and are immediately presented with a conundrum. You debate whether or not you should rub it against your skin. You wouldn’t imagine your body being any less dirty than Rick’s bar of soap, and yet, you hesitate. With a shake of your head, you rub the soap against your hands and then lather the suds upon your body. 

Feeling the sensation against your skin, you cannot help letting in the trickling thoughts of Kas. The sensation of his hands on your body. His finger tips pressing against your aching muscles. Fixing all your pains. His palms exploring your waist, making their way up your torso and to your breasts. You think of Kas. You wanted Kas. 

As you step back, your calf bumps into a bottle that clunks onto the bottom of the shower floor. The abrupt loud noise echoes through the air. A burst of adrenaline fills your chest as you startlingly fling yourself against the tiled wall. The scuffle of your movement is heard from outside the bathroom. 

Deep breaths heave against your diaphragm as you slowly slide down to the base of the shower. Rushing cold water hits harshly against your skin. It causes your hair to glue thickly against your face. You can’t breathe. You can’t. You just can’t. 

Kas knocks once again. “Darlin’,” he calls out but you don’t answer. You can’t. You were stuck. Stuck against the ground. You could not move. If you moved, you had no idea what would happen. You were safe, barely safe in that shower. Don’t leave that spot. You can’t. You won’t. 

He slowly peeks open the door. “Y/n,” he calls out but you are silent. You hear him walk closer. You can see his shadow against the blue mildewed curtain out from your peripherals. He opens the shower curtain to see your arms wrapped around your knees. You were in a tight ball, as tight as you could manage, shuddering in the cold. 

“Shit, baby,” Kas hushes. He quickly turns the knobs, adding more warmth to the water pouring against the crown of your head. Without thinking, he hops inside the shower and crouches behind you. His arms tightening around your shoulders. “You are safe,” he whispers. “You are safe.” The words falling naturally, almost scripted.

With the added pressure, you can feel your heart rate slowing. You naturally place your hand against his forearm as he tightens his squeeze. You have not felt this in some time. Your eyes close as slow breaths enter and exit your lungs. The silence is comforting. A reminder that nothing is actually happening. Reality is currently safe. You are safe in Kas’ arms. Your body can calm, can take in the cues of relaxation in this warm shower. 

“I am safe,” you whisper as you lightly land your forehead against his forearm. “You are safe, darlin’,” he murmurs. His head laying against your shoulder. And there you both rest. You naked in his arms. Him drenched in his jeans behind you. A tightening embrace underneath a constant stream of warming water.

Dustin has never been the same since that night. He knows his friends are worried about him. That they freak every time he disappears for an hour or two. But they wouldn’t get it. They wouldn’t understand why he needed to visit him. How he would talk to him, even though he wasn’t there. 

He couldn’t even manage to radio Susie back anymore. It didn’t feel right to be happy with Eddie gone. He avoided it, avoided happiness like the plague. He avoided his friends, his family, his mother. He grieves in solitude, unsure of when he will ever be done. 

Every day since, Dustin made the trek to Lover’s Lake. To that spot in the woods where Steve, Nance, Robin, and Eddie went to Watergate. It is the closest he can get to Eddie. To remembering him. To wishing he was still there.

After a few trips back and forth, Dustin could make his way there without the compass - not that the compass was that helpful anyway. He would bring his backpack filled with old DND books, some of which were filled with “Munson’s Property” in thick sharpie. Sometimes he would run his fingers over them, hoping that Eddie was there too.

He would talk about the campaigns he wished he could play with Eddie. The one’s he knew the party would have a great time with. He would reminisce about when Eddie said he was “grooming him - grooming him to become Hellfire’s president. To be the Dungeon master. To be him. 

That is all he could ever want. Well, that and Eddie being alive. 

Another day and Dustin still sits upon his stump beside the lake’s shore. Seventeen rocks still scattered across the dirtied sand. He counts them here and there, ensuring they remain the same number. That everything remains untouched, like that day. But the fog was thicker today.

He could see the purple flecks within the gray mist. He appreciated when it was foggy. It meant he didnt have to think about the gang getting attacked in the middle of the lake. It meant he didn’t have to remember watching his friends and being helpless as they all dove into the dangerous waters. How he watched two of his heroes go in the abyss and never come out. 

Sometimes Dustin wonders if he will see the canoe floating out on the water abandoned one day. Or maybe he’ll find it on the shore somewhere. Maybe there’s something on it? A piece of Eddie, something he left behind. He wanted to venture out but felt glued to this stump. Glued to looking out into the water and hoping Eddie might just come out from the fog. 

Or maybe something will come out and take him. Take him far away from all this pain. Dustin was at his lowest, and yet he could only imagine going lower. Permanent reds to his eyes as tears continue to fall. It is his new norm. A new world without his big brother, without the person he looked up to the most. 

Dustin heard a branch snap behind him. He turns, hoping it’s not Mike or Lucas trying to drag him back to the Wheeler’s, to his mom. He is surprised by the emptiness of the woods. How it reflects how he feels inside. He assumes the noise to be due to an animal. A sigh and he’s turned back around to the lake. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he catches sight of something odd. His head turns to the structure to his left - Reefer Rick’s. “What a shithole,” he mumbles to himself. He places his elbows to his knees as his palms carry the weight of his chin. A light turns on, clear and bright within the fog. Enough to pull his attention back to the building.

Dustin stands with furrowed brows and a need to investigate. Cops were his first thought. Maybe they were still looking for Eddie, or maybe Rick broke out of the jail? Rick did have a tendency to do that. Although, they would always catch him seeing as he would just go home to smoke more dope.

He walks up closer, trying to get a better look, and catches a glimpse of something on the balcony. Another side step and he tries to look past the tops of the trees. There were no beams of flashlights bouncing around the windows. Maybe it wasn’t a raid. Maybe it was more of Jason’s lackeys? Still looking for Eddie, and yet - they’ll never find him. Or maybe they’re looking for Jason? They won’t find him either. 

But who Dustin saw walking out the balcony made his blood instantly run cold. He was frozen, stuck in place, with a jaw dropped and shaking hands. The person is pale with black, wet, stringy hair resting at his shoulders. A familiar stance and posture that Dustin knew all too well.

Large, healed wounds wrapping from his lower back, across his side ribs, and a bit of his front. A familiar spider tattooed across his chest. The figure had a white towel wrapped around his waist. He is looking out - looking out into the lake. Just as Dustin was. 

His heart starts pounding. In an unrecognizable world he now finds himself in, he finally sees the one he has missed so dearly. “Eddie,” falls from his lips like a whisper. As though it was a secret that was never meant to be spoken. A secret that only Dustin knows. The hope that he might be back, that maybe he never left. 

Before his mind could register, Dustin’s feet were already running around the battered house, faster than he thought possible. His bag and compass left hastily by the shore. He stumbles trying to find his footing against the worn wooden steps as his fist crashes against the front door. All the excitement pumping through his body as he hears steps grow louder behind the door. 

It opens. And Dustin feels everything. 

note: hi, katrina here. i didn’t feel like it would work in the story (timeline wise), but i wanted to share that i most def wanted eddie to go up there and beat her dad’s ass. let me know what you think, please? ♥️

next part • posting 07/15 at 5pm pst •

taglist: (sorry for the retag, tryin' something) @babeyglo, @dotslabyrinth, @wheaty-melon, @mattymurdocksbitch, @sammararaven, @onlyfengs22, @perle1990, @ms1oftheboys, @ghosttownwherenoonegoes, @tayhar811, @bbyhargrove, @hiscrimsonangel, @ali-r3n, @secretdryrose, @stranger-messenger, @sunnytkm23, @ambthegamer, @bit-of-a-timelord

• nav • no-no plagiarism • series • requests open •

[myosotisa]

ceilings - s.h.

Steve Harrington x Reader, Chrissy Cunningham x Steve Harrington

‖  summary: 2 and a half years of your relationship with your best friend Steve.

‖  tags: cheating/infidelity, dubcon, sexual content. you're the one outside of the relationship. slight emetophobia warning. reader is described AFAB, no pronouns, no y/n. angst. hurt no comfort. it's a rough one folks, no happy endings here. please consume with caution.

‖  word count: 2k

The first time your best friend touches you is October 30th.

A few times a month you and your tight knit group of friends get together around a hand stained table and play board games. Those are your favorite nights – full of laughs and screaming and jokes and drinking. You count the days of your quiet, empty life between those evenings.

It's a Friday. You've had more to drink than you normally do. Steve, your best friend, is sitting next to you, your friends Jonathan and Nancy across the table. Eddie, the only other single person in your friend group, and Chrissy, Steve's girlfriend, are both not there.

When Steve gets up to refill his drink, you swing your legs up to rest on his chair, laughing to yourself. When he comes back, you expect him to throw your legs off with a fake scowl, maybe sit on your shins in retribution. Instead, he scoops a forearm under both your calves to lift them and settles them into his lap after he sits down.

You're stunned, but only for a moment. The 4 of you return to the game, your legs resting on Steve's thighs beneath the table.

Another drink later, you feel Steve's warm palm against your shin. It's a completely innocent touch, just resting on your skin. To you it feels strange, unfamiliar – you're touch starved and accept it as is.

The night goes on and Steve's hand starts to move. A subtle brush of his thumb turns into a gentle rub along your shin and keeps inching higher and higher. You're intoxicated, dizzy, struggling to keep up with what's going on as it progresses. And his touch feels good.

Jonathan excuses himself to stumble over to the bathroom so you, Steve, and Nancy pause the game to talk. Steve tucks the tip of his finger beneath the hem of your shorts and you can't help but look over at him in shock. He just smiles, same as always, and goes back to talking to Nancy. You face forward and try to get your fuzzy brain to figure out what's going on.

Am I just imagining this? You've known Steve for years and he's never shown any interest in you beyond playful flirting. He flirts with everyone. And he's with Chrissy: beautiful, blonde, skinny, perky. They say I love you daily and live in this apartment together.

But she's not here. And Steve's hand is brushing your clit over your shorts.

You don't stop him.

When Nancy and Jonathan say they are getting ready to call a ride, you get up too. Your head is spinning and you can't think straight. Steve looks a bit disappointed but doesn't stop you.

The next 2 times you all meet up to play games, Steve finds a way between your legs. Even when he's sober. Even when Chrissy is home. Under the table, around a corner, behind someone's back. He takes two fingers and drags them up and down your slit, over your clothes, and looks delighted when your breath catches in your throat.

You never stop him. Even when you're sober. Even when you go home hating yourself.

You tell yourself it's thrilling, the sneaking around. Rationalize how nice it is for someone to know everything about you, even the dark and dusty corners of your heart, and still desire you. One night he whispers how much he wants you, what he'd do if the two of you were alone. And you can't remember the last time you felt wanted. It's like a drug – a strong hit of Steve in a dark corner soothes the lonely ache inside your heart. Even when you go home alone and he gets into bed with her.

The first time he fucks you, she's asleep in the room next door. It's the middle of the night and he has his hand over your mouth, whispering that you need to be quiet so she doesn't hear you. It feels like you're being torn in two; feeling wanted and feeling alive as you do something you shouldn't, drowning in your guilt and shame at what the reality is.

He finishes inside you without even getting you close. You walk home alone with his cum sliding down the inside of your thigh.

A year goes by.

Every time is the last time, both of you say so. He complains of feeling like the guilt is crushing him. You try to offer solutions that he never accepts. You both talk about how wrong it is, how fucked up you both are. How it hardly even feels good or exciting anymore.

He pulls your pants down anyway, whispering that it's the last time.

It isn't.

It's October again and an unhelpful part of your brain tells you that it's a few days off from 1 year since it began. You are sitting at your desk at work and unlock your phone, pulling up Instagram. You scroll by a few posts when you spot his username.

It's like dropping an anchor through glass.

He proposed to her this weekend, the caption explains. The photo is Steve on one knee in front of Chrissy at the place they had their first date. You swipe and it's a selfie – Chrissy holding up a pretty little diamond on her slender finger and 100 watt smiles from both of them. The comment section is full of people congratulating them: how perfect they are together, how happy they look.

You run to the bathroom and lose your lunch.

That weekend after the games are put away, he stands in front of you, asking if he can fuck your mouth. His hand is so comforting on your jaw, his eyes so full of tenderness. You undo his pants yourself and part your lips like you have a hundred times before.

You go home unsatisfied and sob into your bedspread.

2 months later and he has a crisis. The worst day of his life. He's shaking, crying, panicking. But he doesn't go to her. He goes to you.

You hold him as he cries, comfort him, tell him everything is going to be okay. A bitter part of you can't stop thinking about all the times you walked home alone after getting him off, drowning in guilt and emptiness. Comforting yourself as you cried into your pillows. But you tell yourself this moment is important – he needs you, he wants you, he is choosing you. He feels like his world is ending and he knocks on your door.

3 weeks later and the moment means nothing. The cycle continues.

The first time you tell someone the whole story, from the very beginning, it doesn't go as you hoped. It's someone who doesn't know anyone involved, 3 steps removed from all of them. You are desperate to get it off your chest, beg for help from how it weighs you down day after day.

A part of you thought maybe they would understand. They would see why you do it, why you keep saying yes, why you don't put a stop to it. You hoped they would at least try to see you.

The only questions they ask are, "Does his fiance know? Are you going to tell her?" You don't know how to answer. And all you feel is judgement. The weight only gets heavier.

You never speak of it again. To anyone.

A few more months pass. Steve and Chrissy have another fight. He ends up in your bed. After coming inside you (again), and not asking if you came (again), you lay there and talk. He explains the fight, says they just keep fighting, that sometimes he dreads going home to her.

You tell him maybe this isn't working, maybe he should consider leaving her.

"You're only saying that because you want to be with me."

It hits like a punch to the gut. "Steve, you know everything about me. Do you really think I'd do that?"

He doesn't answer, but you know he understands. You'd never put yourself before him. He knows that. "She loves me… And I love her."

If you loved her, how could you do this to her for all this time? You want to scream.

If you loved her, why are you here in my bed?

Instead you listen to him make more and more excuses of why he stays with her. Despite his own betrayal, despite how shitty they treat each other, despite how wrong they are together.

I love you and it's killing me. You want to scream.

You never do. And he goes home to her the next morning.

You ignore his advances for the next 6 months.

It feels good. To set a boundary that way. To choose yourself. And eventually he stops trying, accepts it as it is. The two of you go back to being the same best friends you were before that October 2 years ago. It feels like growth, like you're finally doing something right.

Sure, you're lonely. And sometimes seeing him with her, knowing she still doesn't know, makes the guilt crawl back up your throat and threaten to choke you. But it gets easier.

Then you have a crisis. The worst day of your life. You're shaking, crying, panicking. And you don't have anyone to go to but him.

He buys you food, streams your favorite movie. He sits right next to you on his couch, a comforting arm around your shoulders, a warm touch you haven't felt in months. It's something that friends do. It's casual, normal.

But you feel so empty, so broken, so hopeless. You're so fucking alone. It feels like your world is ending. And when his hand strays too low, you are desperate to feel something different. Something else, even if it's worse. 

It's like a drug – and you relapse.

The cycle begins again.

A few more weeks go by. You get home from work and check your mailbox. There's a pristine white envelope with gold embellishments sitting on top of the normal junk mail. You flip it over and see your name in the perfect curve of Chrissy's handwriting.

A wedding invitation. Asking you to save the date. There's a handwritten note from her on the bottom next to the RSVP. "Don't bring a plus one if you can help it! There's someone coming I want you to meet and I really think you'll hit it off ;)"

You didn't think it was possible, but you hate yourself just a little bit more.

2 weeks later Steve shows up at your door. He walks in like he owns the place but stops short when he sees the invitation on your counter.

With a kitchen island's width of safety between the two of you, you finally ask. "Does she know?"

Steve's eyes meet yours. The flop of hair on his head moves as he shakes it in a 'no.'

"Are you really going to marry her without saying anything?"

He doesn't answer. Just stares.

Bile rises in your throat. The white envelope in his hand gives you the strength to ask the question you knew would destroy everything. "Just tell me this, Steve. Was all of this because of how you feel about me?" Your voice cracks, tears pushing at your eyes. "Or, if I had said no, would you just have gone and found someone else to fuck behind her back?"

There's a long stretch of silence. It feels more and more like a noose tightening around your neck as the seconds pass.

"I don't know."

A sob tears its way out of your throat, your hands grappling for the counter between you to stop from collapsing. Through your tears you see him falter and then try to reach for you, but you flinch away.

"Get out."

He actually has the gall to look shocked. "Come on, let's just talk about this."

"Steve." Your voice is liquid nitrogen and he freezes on contact. You've never spoken to him like this before and he doesn't know what to do. "Get. Out."

He whispers your name and it hits you like a slap, another sob tearing up your esophagus as you turn away. Eventually he stops hovering, collects his briefcase, puts his shoes back on. The door clicks shut behind him.

You collapse onto your kitchen floor and cry your fucking eyes out while he goes home to her.

They get married that spring.

thanks for reading.

[hajimedics]

Each to their own! I see why you say that, he probably looks more like a child to me because of his height and more 'child-like' features? Eh that's the best way i can describe it, although i am aware that he is of age. As long as boundaries are respected, I'm okay! but i will still give side eye towards people who ship frank and Julie... that ship mainly because- 1 frank is married, 2 they are friends- like no (not going to go out of my way to attack people who ship them i just find it icky and avoid that ship)

Im just happy that welcome home has the attention it needs.. Lets lighten up the mood! Why is eddie and howdy your favorite characters? For me, I loved how unique frank's design was, same for howdy and i love eddie and juile for their personalities! (I also like franny's design a lot! Anyone else? Just me?)

What do you think frank's favorite butterfly would be? Or would he not be able to choose? Hmm maybe a blue monarch? Or maybe something less comonly known? (Personally I think frank would like swallowtail ones more (if that's what they are called- i might be thinking of moths or birds there))

An essay to read as allways! (Sorry-)

I have never encountered a frank/julie ship art so far, thankfully! sure people can draw whatever they want but I feel like it's an erasure of their identities? mostly because I see it through my "two puppets who are undeniably queer pushed into a cisheteronormavity situation by their caretaker figures" lenses. if anything I personally see frank and julie as platonic soulmates, two people who are closer than friends but not lovers. they love each other dearly! they're paired together! the two stooges! romantic love isn't the only type of love and frank and julie's interactions definitely show it

as for why those two are my faves! I love eddie because well, I like big hunky guys who can get silly. it's my track record. I also see the potential for his character to be a complex one like wally. even though nobody made fun of him directly, it's kind of sad to see his forgetfulness and struggles get brushed off by most of the cast. though he doesn't seem to mind it either. eddie seems to be written as the comic relief in the show, but in the "answer" pages his voice has more integrity into it. NOW I MIGHT BE STRETCHING JUUUUST A BIT but I hope there's gonna be a conflict between these two parts of him. one that acts as the comic relief who acts like he's not bothered and one that wants to be taken seriously for once. I love drama. I love character realizations. I also have a slight fear that he's gonna be a cannon fodder uhuhuhuuuuu

I love howdy because something about him hits differently compared to the rest of the cast. his freedom symbolism (adult caterpillar, the only one in his family who didn't turn into a butterfly). the way he has an "idgaf I have a job" attitude. his voice is also great and I love it. I hope he gets meaner (the same goes for sally) because I think it's gonna be a great plot stirrer. despite his slyness and emotional intelligence he looks like he'll be master contrarian in a group. he knows his way with words, he knows how to get the reaction he wanted out of people, I love him.

I think frank wouldn't be able to choose exactly which one is his favorite!!! he loves butterflies!!! there's just so many of them to choose from!! monarch butterflies are the most popular and iconic type, I reckon he has it in his collection.... he'd love swallowtail butterflies, those are pretty little creatures, and I think he'd love janetta forester and pieridae too!

[flowerfan2]

Enter Sandman

Steddie, 1200 words.  Read on A03 here.

Steve struggles to find a way to help Eddie with his nightmares.  (He does).

*****

After Eddie gets back, he’s haunted by nightmares.  They all are, really, but the rest of them have been through it before, and Eddie’s seem to be pretty damn awful.  Eddie doesn’t tell his new friends what happened to him in the week before they managed to retrieve his body, and no one knows why he isn’t dead.  Steve thinks that’s probably what he dreams about, but he doesn’t ask.

Eddie stays at Steve’s house for a while, until his parents come home and he goes over to the Byers’ for a few days.  But Steve didn’t prepare Will for what happens during Eddie’s nightmares, how their friend seizes and twists, how he spends hours unresponsive, his eyes staring blindly at the ceiling, moaning and crying until his throat is raw.

Will shows up at Steve’s house the next day, furious, wanting to know how Steve could have let this happen, and drags him over to Mike and Nancy’s house for a meeting.  They all sit together in the Wheeler’s basement, Eddie curled up under the table where El once hid, his arms wrapped around his knees.  They’re good kids, all of them, but their frantic brainstorming doesn’t get them anywhere.

At some point Steve pulls Will aside, and asks him if he ever had the same thing happen to him, nightmares that won’t go away and that he couldn’t wake up from.  The look on Will’s face – almost condescending, which is a rare thing for Will – makes Steve realize there’s still a lot about what Will went through, maybe still goes through, that he doesn’t know.  His heart aches for him, for all them, but he doesn’t know what to do.

Steve’s in the kitchen making mac and cheese and cutting up cucumbers for a salad – they’ve got to eat something healthy once in a while – when the music starts blaring.  He doesn’t recognize it, except to assume that it’s a hit list of Eddie’s favorites.  He checks in, and Dustin proudly explains that they have concluded that just like with Vecna, playing Eddie’s favorite songs will stop his nightmares.  Steve doesn’t tell them he’s already tried this.  Maybe it will be different this time, maybe they’ll play just the right song at just the right time.  Maybe Steve didn’t do it right, and this group of teens with their hearts on their sleeves will come up with the answer after all.

That night Dustin and Will give it their best shot, but it doesn’t work.

The next day Steve finds Eddie sitting outside on his back patio, eyes red and practically swallowed by the bags underneath them.  He looks like shit.  Steve asks him if he remembers his nightmares, and this time Eddie actually talks about it.  He says when he’s in the dream, he thinks he’s dead, he feels the demobats eating him, wrenching pieces of his flesh out with their teeth, and even though he hears the music, it doesn’t make any difference, he’s still stuck there.

Eddie describes how every time, he can feel himself being ripped apart, can see the blood gushing out of his body.  How he tries and tries to get away, but he’s frozen, unable to move and unable to wake up.  Steve sits down next to him on the deck chair and just listens as Eddie describes the different variations the dream takes, each one more terrifying  than the next.  

Eddie seems to feel a little bit better after he reveals all of this horror to Steve.  They make breakfast together, jostling each other out of the way as they pretend nothing’s wrong.  They groan about Eddie’s attempt to make bat-shaped pancakes (“then I can rip <i>them</i> apart with my teeth”), and make more of a mess of Steve’s kitchen than it may have ever seen before.  But by the afternoon Eddie is listless, exhaustion written all over his face.

Steve suggests they watch a movie, and he tucks them in on his couch with an old, soft quilt he found in a box in the attic.  Eddie leans against Steve’s shoulder, his hair tickling Steve’s nose.  For a while Steve thinks Eddie might actually get some rest, but every time he seems to drift off he jerks awake.  “Don’t know how much longer I can take this,” Eddie breathes out, and Steve wraps his arms around him, rubs his back and wishes there was something he could do to take the pain away.

That night Eddie stays at Steve’s house.  His parents are away again, and the Byers need a break.  And Steve needs Eddie nearby.  If his friend has to go through this, Steve wants to be there for him, even if he can’t do more than that.

He’s got an idea of his own to try tonight, though.  He figures it can’t hurt.

When Eddie goes to bed, Steve settles himself in the hall outside the guest room, a battered copy of some fantasy novel propped on his knees.  Dustin claims it will change his life, but he can’t focus on it, just sits quietly and listens to the sound of Eddie’s breathing behind the gently closed door.  After a while Steve cracks the door open, just enough that he can see Eddie in silhouette on the bed, the comforter pulled up to his neck.

Less than an hour after Eddie has fallen asleep, it begins.  Eddie starts to mutter and moan, and then his limbs begin to jerk.  Steve’s in the bedroom, a hand on his shoulder, in moments.

When Eddie’s eyes fly open and his body tenses, Steve turns on his tape player and starts singing along, off key, into Eddie’s ear.  

<i>Jitterbug.  Jitterbug.</i>

Eddie stills for a minute and blinks, his dark eyes unfocused.  Steve keeps going, throwing himself into it, as ridiculous as he can be.

<i>You put the boom-boom into my heart (ooh-ooh)</i> <i>You send my soul sky-high</i> <i>When your lovin' starts</i> <i>Jitterbug into my brain (yeah-yeah)</i> <i>Goes a bang-bang-bang</i> <i>'Til my feet do the same.</i>

By the time Steve gets to “wake me up before you go-go” Eddie is staring at him, breathing heavily but awake and aware. Steve sings another verse just for shits and grins, and then breaks off, laughing at the astonished look on Eddie’s face.

“It worked,” Eddie says, his eyes wide.  “How did it work?”

Steve shrugs.  “Figured you’d never voluntarily listen to Wham! – even in a nightmare.  So you’d have to realize this was something different.”

Eddie wraps Steve in a crushing hug.  “Thank you, fuck, thank you,” he says, pressing his face into Steve’s neck.  “But you know what you have to do now, don’t you?”  Eddie loosens his hold on Steve and folds back the blankets.  

Eddie’s meaning is clear, and Steve doesn’t hesitate before sliding under the blankets with Eddie and curling up against him.  

“It’s gonna happen again, though,” Eddie says, after a few moments.

“Then I’ll sing to you again.”  Steve finds Eddie’s hand and twines their fingers together.  “For as long as it takes.”

“There’s something crazy ironic about all this, isn’t there?”  Eddie says.  “You singing.  At least you didn’t try to play guitar.”

“Oh, come on.  Maybe I’m the one with the future in rock music.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Eddie says, laughing softly against Steve’s chest.  It’s the best thing Steve’s heard in a long time.

[bipolarediaz]

hello! I'd love to know more about specific moments that convinced you that eddie is bipolar

so if you don't mind me asking, what are three moments that really stand out to you?

hi hello I love this so much, I've been thinking about this all morning, thank you!!

a lot of it isn't specific moments but more the combination of things that build up over time, but if I had to pick three specific things (not necessarily in order)...

eddie begins--a lot of the flashbacks we see definitely give me hints of it. specifically, we have a very clearly depressed eddie after he comes back to el paso, with him struggling to connect with his loved ones, withdrawing into himself even more than usual. he doesn't smile much in the flashbacks, at least not other than when chris is born. but then, we come to the present during that episode, and we see eddie making impulsive decisions (insisting that he go down in the first place, then cutting his line, naming buck as guardian the next day without thinking about it or talking to buck first, etc) it's not as bad as the impulsive decisions from earlier in s3, but I do think that he was at the tail end of his manic episode at that point in the season, and was still making impulsive decisions because of it. the contrast between depressed past eddie and somewhat manic/hypomanic present-day eddie is a good example of both sides.

also from s3, we have not just the fact that eddie joined a cage fighting ring, but also specifically the way that it ends. he is, once again, not thinking through his actions in the slightest. he has all this pent up energy and all these feelings he doesn't know how to manage, and he literally doesn't know how to stop himself. he's like an impending train crash. in the dsm, this particular symptom is described specifically as "Excessive involvement in activities that have a high potential for painful consequences." and that's exactly what's happening. it's excessive, it's something he can't control, and it's causing him actual serious pain and negatively impacting his life. but even though it's negatively impacting it, he doesn't stop. you see this kind of thing a lot in bipolar in excessive spending or gambling, hypersexuality, etc, but it's no different in this situation. he goes completely over the top with it, completely uncaring about the impending consequences. it also leans a bit into grandiosity, with him thinking, at least a little bit, that he is untouchable during this time. and everyone in his life notices it, even if he brushes them off when they try to bring it up. he's noticeably different from normal, in so many ways, that it's impossible to ignore.

and, of course, I've talked before about just how much 5x11 and 5x13 in particular give me those vibes. he's displaying almost every sign of a major depressive episode with mixed features throughout those tow episodes. he's irritable, he's restless, he makes impulsive decisions without thinking about the consequences, all things that we see during his fight with bobby in particular and during the opening montage. but he's also depressed--he's fatigued, he's feeling completely hopeless and worthless, he isn't finding joy in his life anymore, he's isolating himself just like he did back after his tours, and we see hints of suicidal thoughts as well. we've seen all these symptoms from him before, between flashbacks and s3 (and 5a honestly), it's just that now he's got symptoms of both sides of it at the same time, and that's why it hits him so hard when he breaks down. his depression in particular is just so noticeable during 5b, with everyone in his life commenting on it, and there's just no way of denying that he was severely depressed.

bonus reason because I'm never going to be over how much of a missed opportunity it was: in fear-o-phobia, we have that woman through the whole episode who is set up as a clear parallel to eddie, to the point that he intentionally listens in on the call and notices it himself. and the way they do it... is by basically going through every single symptom of bipolar disorder like it's a goddamn checklist, with her sister even saying how much she's "changed" with her acting the way that she was. and then they just... didn't do it. I'm still annoyed by it and I will be forever, thank you.

even with this I feel like I went beyond just "specific moments" lmao, but honestly that's just how it is--if it's just one or two specific moments, that doesn't really indicate anything when it comes to bipolar disorder. it's about persistent mood changes that are noticeably different from your normal, and about sustained changes. it's the long-term arc and the ups and downs eddie's gone through since s2, and the way that things piled up and changed over time, the clear differences we see in how he acts at various points in his life that indicate there's a lot more going on than just normal level mood fluctuations that everyone experiences.

[indecisive-dizzy]

Ramble about Eddie to your heart’s content, bestie :D

I’m honestly very interested in your ideas :3

Again, don’t be scared to just ramble in my ask box, I love hearing peoples ideas

AJDKKAGAJAKAK- THANK YOU <3 <3

I'm wailing rn /pos

My AU! Disabled Eddie!! Ok so he wasn't born with his disability, it came about later.

My Current story is that he had stroke in late middle/early high school! I have done research and Yes it is possible for teens and younger to have strokes. From what I recall it can be significantly worse for them compared to adult strokes

Eddie was left with permanent complications and is disabled bc of it. He has coordination, balance, and general mobility complications among a list of other post stroke effects. I just found the word I was looking for a few days ago to describe his mobility issues, it's Ataxia!

Eddie has to deal with bouts of muscle weakness on his right side which can effect his vision. He also gets vertigo a Lot and at this point dizziness is expected every time he stands.

He uses forearm crutches when he needs extra help walking bc he does have good days where he may not need them! But for longer distances he brings them bc he's better safe than sorry. He also has cane but he doesn't use it As much.

He also has a wheelchair that he Hates. He hates having to use it. But his Really horrible days leave him unable to stand, much less walk. He wishes he could just hide it somewhere and never think about it but alas. it's important.

He dislikes the wheelchair so much bc it makes him feel useless. He is Not! I want to clarify that wheelchair users are perfectly Capable and Independent! Eddie just has an issue with overachieving and working himself too hard. He wants to be helpful and do So Much but there are some things he can't do while in his wheelchair. He was stuck in a chair for months after his stroke and it was devastating back then. He has No good memories with a wheelchair so he continues to dislike using it.

Ok putting a read more bc I am not shutting up for a While

Relationships with the neighbors! Generally the same. Barnaby doesn't chase him bc that would be mean (? I can't think of a better way to describe it)

Sally is still Sally but she's specific on her mailman hate (lmao) to make sure Eddie and everyone else knows she's not faulting him for his disability.

Hmm yeah everything else is pretty much the same. I guess everyone is also more open about offering Eddie help from time to time if he looks like he needs an extra hand. They're not persistent or anything, but if they see him struggling to carry a package or two they're more inclined to help.

I still don't know how Howdy gets his shit. Honestly If Eddie is having a crutch or chair day,, Howdy just won't get his stock unless he gets it himself. I can't think of a way for Eddie to deliver all those heavy ass boxes.

He does ask people to pick up their packages occasionally too. He tries to deliver them all himself but it's not always possible. He offers a trolley they can use.

I want to talk about angst. So this is very specific, I'll try to keep it short. growing up, Eddie lived in a four bedroom house. two downstairs master bedrooms and two upstairs normal bedrooms. Before his stroke he was upstairs, his older brother in the other room, and his older sister in the bedroom downstairs.

Afterwards he had to move downstairs. His sister Hated this. She loved her room and her private bathroom and she was very prissy about it.

This snowballed into her just,, taking all her frustrations out on Eddie. He took Her Bedroom. He's getting all the attention. Her little brother was ruining everything.

Eddie was devastated by this. He went as far as to attempt to convince his parents to let them switch rooms again. He couldn't physically walk up the stairs most days but he just wanted his big sister to not hate him anymore.

Their relationship never fully recovered. As an adult Eddie will still find ways to blame himself and feel guilty. But he just can't bring himself to talk to her.

They used to be so close. She let Eddie experiment with her makeup, they talked about fashion and boys and she helped him so so much when he was questioning his sexuality.

and then it just, fell apart. But not quietly like a loose thread but rather a house that wasn't built quite right and the screws came loose one by one.

Eddie's memory gets really fuzzy when thinking that far back. but some of those memories are burned into his mind and he wishes he could forget them like he does everything else.

[ebongawk]

since i just read it last night, for the cuckholding fic: 11. Was there a scene that you hadn't originally planned to include? Why did you decide to fit it in?

17. What was the hardest scene to write?

(the cuckolding AU: let's climb too high (for the stars to reach us))

11. Was there a scene that you hadn't originally planned to include? Why did you decide to fit it in?

Oh, gosh, I kinda fly by the seat of my pants with these shorter fics to be honest lmao. I didn't have any intention of not including it, but I made the end scene of the last chapter where Chrissy asks Eddie about the disaster significantly longer than I meant to. Adding in Heather and Robin to give Chrissy a slight bit more insight into interpreting her own feelings. Up until that point, I think she was very much, "Well, he's cute, but..." When she realized she was actually jealous that Eddie might be entertaining another girl, though, the claws extended and she had to really face the depth of her attraction.

17. What was the hardest scene to write?

I always struggle most with smut scenes, ngl. I don't know what it is, but writing two characters coming together in a way that I cannot write as anything other than emotional always makes me pause, second guess, delete, rewrite, and rearrange scenes. Am I being too repetitive, does this make sense, is this limb in a place, is my character describing what's happening well? For the plot aspects of a story, I'll usually go back and reread maybe once or twice to find my flow before I finish the scene, or do a reread before I post. For smut it's more like ten or more times.

ask meme

[aloneinthehellfire]

hi! I absolutely love your work and was wondering if you had any tips for building a character? your x reader fics always have a realistic feel to the character you insert into the fictional world and I find myself struggling to give my character a 'uniqueness' whilst also letting it be reader and not oc?

I hope you're having a lovely day!

Hiya! Thank you so much for those kind words <3

When it comes to these characters, I like to build them around personalities and traits that I either think will suit the story's direction and/or interact best with certain characters (for example, in Raining Hellfire I wanted Reader to showcase similar attributes to both Steve and Eddie).

My starting point was literally imagining a fem!character I would want to see in the ST world and writing them based on my own preferences. Once you start, it becomes so much easier to imagine their backstory and what sort of decisions they would make.

I understand the fear of making it too 'oc' and just know it's completely okay to do that! There is no right or wrong in a character, it just depends on how much detail you want to put into them!

I didn't realise that in the early stages of my writing I would lean towards descriptors that didn't make my character diverse in the sense that not all fem readers viewing my work would see themselves in that character. For example, I used to describe her skin as 'getting paler' or her 'cheeks reddening' when she blushed. It's harder for me as a writer to not self-insert when it comes to any descriptions of their visual identity but I think once you realise alternate ways to describe them that doesn't necessarily imply skin colour or any other physical attribute it gets much easier to write these in (e.g rather than her face reddening it could just be that she 'felt her cheeks getting hotter')

But just remember that at the end of the day this is your fic. I'm aware not everyone will like or relate to the 'x reader' stories I create but we can only try our best for anything that comes to inclusivity.

I hope that helped? I'm not great at advice stuff but there might be something useful in there <3

[lodessa]

✨ 2022 Writing Year In Review ✨

Thanks to @feeisamarshmallow​ for tagging me! Sorry it took me a while to get to it!

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 10

2. Word count posted for the year: 37,228

3. Fandoms I wrote for: Stranger Things, Star Trek: Voyager ( and a hint of Prodigy), Revolution, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Battlestar Galactica.

4. Pairings: Chrissy Cunningham/Eddie Munson, Kathryn Janeway/Chakotay Charlie Matheson/Miles Matheson, Faith Lehane/Buffy Summers, Lee "Apollo" Adama/Kara "Starbuck" Thrace"

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: Five Times No One Saw Eddie and Chrissy Together (No Make That Four) 303 Kudos on my entry into a new fandom.

Bookmarks: (See most kudos above) 47 Bookmarks

Comments: (Same) 20 Comment Threads.

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

"Don't Leave Me Dry" I think. There's something about writing a fic you know is going "bomb" but you just want to write it so much you do it anyway. I knew going into it that once again I was writing a problematic ship in a dead fandom, that would probably be commented on by @romeorevoarchive and one other person, but I was struck with one little moment, that kind of inspiration that usually gets trapped in the shower or car, and I went for it anyway and do you know what: I love the immediacy, the way I ended up using music to frame it, the characterization, the physicality, the rawness and tenderness that feels so quintessentially Miles and Charlie.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):. . .

This is maybe going to sound weird (or entitled and bratty) and also sound contradictory to what I said in the prior response, but. . . 23K of the 37k words I wrote were my three part More Normal Things series and part of me wishes I had just left that whole thing with the first part. While the hit count didn't drop that much between them, every other metric (kudos, comments, bookmarks) took a nose and it just makes me feel like I should have quit while I was ahead. Maybe I should have written the more flashy concept Hellcheer AUs I had instead of continuing to just explore their dynamic. Maybe I should have just been pleased with the amazing welcome to the fandom I got on that first fic and moved on after that positive little moment. There are things I really liked about those second two parts, but it is obvious that readers felt diminishing returns, and that makes me wish I had updated any of my other series or WIPs instead.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Is it cheating to choose a whole series of comments I received / comment conversation I had in response to Salvation and Rapture For the Lonely? They started with this gem

and only got better from there. When I finally posted my Martha/Nine epic in 2018, I knew that it was ten years late and a super niche pairing to begin with, but it was my hope that at least one person out there would stumble upon it and be really excited for the same reasons that most people would not be interested at all, and in the last four years that is exactly what has happened a handful of times. This wonderful human left effusive, detailed, comments on every chapter and then responded to my rambling replies in a way that gave me that high of finding someone who just GETS IT.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Most of the year, honestly. I really struggled to write anything most of the time (pretty much the only time writing was really flowing was August).

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: 

I definitely didn't see Hellcheer as a ship (or writing anything for Stranger Things) coming. If you had told me that my new ship in 2022 would be some freshly introduced high school kids from a single episode of the show, I would have been skeptical.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

From "Whispered" :

“Going to take more than that to get rid of me, Summers.” Faith feels herself smile, mostly because it hurts to move her face that much.

“Good,” Buffy smiles back, doing that lip biting thing that is a suggestion and a protestation of innocence at the same time. Perfect. Humanizing. Prudish. Primal. The reluctant hero. The girl who knows or doesn’t know she’s hot. “We still have a First Evil to defeat.”

We. When was the last time either of them actually believed that even existed? Had Buffy ever? Or was it only Faith who even wanted that to be true? No. Buffy just wanted everyone to play by her rules, not the other way around. Sometimes, Faith even wished she could do that, be relegated to a sidekick instead of a problem. If there’s one constant in the world it is me being a disruption, a wrinkle in someone’s perfect life… No. She reminds herself. I don’t have to be. I can be different.

Buffy is looking at her, really looking at her, and Faith wonders what she sees. She must look like shit. Feeling superior as usual, B? she thinks, but that’s not really what she sees in her expression. If I’m vulnerable, so are you. That it? She’s not sure that’s quite right either, but no more comforting thought is coming to mind, so she looks away.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: 

Honestly 2022 was pretty much a fallow year for me as a writer. I suspect I won't see what changed in my writing until I am looking back on it from the perspective of what I write in 2023.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I would really like to get better at being able to push through and get words typed more consistently even when they are not flowing.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): 

@romeorevoarchive who held my hand through everything I wrote or didn't write this year and even read some fic for a fandom she doesn't care about. Also special shout out to @anverli for the visual inspiration for (Don't Leave Me Dry) and many people but especially @phoenixwrites for the enthusiastic welcome to Hellcheer.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Probably the most personal work I wrote this year was Exhausted Midas. I've been feeling really overwhelmed and burnt out, both like I need and want to do more and like I need to cut back on my commitments. I've been dropping a lot of balls. It is hard not to feel like this is who I am now, and I feel like that's a lot of what I was exploring with this character study of Janeway, pre-Prodigy.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

This isn't new but here are a few reminders for myself and others:

Just because you are struggling to write right now doesn't mean you will never write again. Try to relax. Read. Trust that inspiration and focus will come together again someday.

Learn to scale down the scope of a writing project, just because "what happens" is big, doesn't mean you need to show it all: skip to the most interesting part, do abrupt transitions if you need to, add flashbacks if you need context instead of writing thousands of words to get to that critical detail

Find a buddy you can talk through the process with while writing, someone who you can send snippets to, someone you can bounce ideas off of, someone to make you feel less alone and in your own head.

Sit down and do flash fiction based on any prompt. There's something about just finding a way to make some constraint work and typing out whatever you can in what sitting before setting it loose on the world.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Last week, I came across a list from two years ago with 20 things on it. I had actually written and posted 1, which means who knows what will happen but right now:

I would really like to update (and possibly even finish) one of my major partly posted WIPS: k'war'ma'khon (my Georgiou!lives Discovery AU) and Dragon Marked (my soulmarks, reincarnation, modern with some magic Dany/Jorah epic).

I would like to complete my long planned sequels for The Smallest Twine (my Janeway and Chakotay meet before the end of the Cardassian War and that changes EVERYTHING AU . . . though it makes me sad to think about how Laura inspired it all and she's not here to enjoy the rest of it now) and the next installment of Balancing Act (my Logan/Veronica/Weevil threesome + series)

I would like to finally finish and post some of the in progress fics that have been languishing in my Google Drive for years, including but not limited to: the Veronica Mars Season 3 AU I started in 2014, the Greek Myth AU Janeway/Chakotay fic, my Jaime/Brienne, Sansa/Aegon, Davos/Jon Connington ASOIAF solution.

Some fic ideas I have not actually written, including but not limited to: Miles gets swapped with an alternate timeline version of himself Revo fic, Hellcheer Room With a View AU, that BtVS/Punisher crossover fic with Faith/Billy Russo (okay that pairing actually the whole idea), my inevitable Elendil/Mirael fic.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

Let's go with: @clarasimone, @liminal-zone, @janiedean, and @lilalbatross but anyone who wants to do this, should

[camaro-and-smokes]

✨🌈💝💥💌 (fic writer asks <3)

Hi! Sorry I didn't answer sooner, it was our moving day. I hope I never have to move anywhere again 😂 The exact same words I said 17 years ago thinking that yes, this house is the final one. Right 🙄

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

I have several of these in different fandoms but let's just stick to ST fandom here. I love writing all my fics but some are closer to heart than others. I had serious fun writing A Fair Deal. It's one of the few fics I've written that isn't explicit or even mature and it has humor. I'm not normally comfortable writing comedy but with this it wasn't too hard. It would be nice if it got more eyeballs because it's a total feel good piece.

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

I wrote the last chapter for August for weeks. I started with it already when I began writing the fic itself. It had to be super heavy angst and I poured my heart in it. I cried for weeks because it was heart wrenching and I kinda tore my own heart into pieces every day I wrote it. But damn it's good! I don't think I've ever written such good angst since 😁

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

I don't usually think what kind of response I'd like to have other than I hope people like what I write or at least don't hate it. What I do get is sometimes I think that a fic is really good and I'm really satisfied with the end result and then it gets hardly any hits for some reason. One like this is May I Feel I wrote for Harringrove Holiday Exchange 2022.

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

Because I can, I choose one I've written for Harringrove, the ones with less kudos are in another by now dead fandom. It's again May I Feel. More than just a fic it's a kind of a study of how feelings can grow and how to describe them a bit differently. I loved writing it.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

I'm writing my first Mungrove fic and the fact that it's Mungrove and not Harringrove is something I'm excited about myself. Because as a writer I'm always happy if I can shake myself a bit out of the mold I get stuck on.

In it Billy asks Eddie to go see Dio with him but it doesn't exactly go as planned. But in a kinda good way, eventually. In my mind there are so many possibilities for Eddie to draw out something else in Billy than what Steve does and I hope I can put it to words somehow. I'll leave it at that for now 😁

Thanks for asking 💜 I love these!

Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks