#find myself surprisingly underwhelmed

[yan-randomfandom]

Yandere!Stanford Pines x Doctor!GN!Reader

warnings: obsessive thoughts, implied self harm

If I made one for his brother, then I should also make one for this silly guy. Bro is needy just like his twin

Ford is an intellectual who can invent new machines, find new discoveries, and defend himself from danger.

But you know what he can't do?

Rest. He never seemed to take a break from his obsessions.

Which is why, in the middle of the supermarket, as he was waiting in line to pay for his products, Ford dropped dead. Not literally dead (but it might as well be called that), he suddenly fainted after years of exhaustion caught up to him.

Ford slowly woke up to the gentlest touch he had ever felt in years.

"You're awake," you murmured, settling your palm on his forehead. He's still warm.

He tried to sit up, but you quickly pushed him down again. "Hey, you can't do that! Your body is completely debilitated!"

"Debilitated?" he mumbled, continuing to wince when he heard you tell a nurse to call the Pines family. He briefly glanced around, realizing he's in a hospital.

You turned back to him, your stern eyes fixed. "You're lucky I, a doctor, was back there. I did a check up on you, and good god, your body is filled with wounds, some open, and there's a concerning underwhelming amount of essential chemicals!"

Ford paused before huffing, his eyebrows furrowed. "Look, I'm sorry, but I can handle myself—"

"And the way your wounds are treated is nothing short of clumsy! It's like a middle schooler did it!"

Welp, you made him speechless. Did he seriously get compared to a middle schooler?

And yet, whatever you just said or did that day, Ford couldn't get you off his mind. He blankly stared at his scars when he got home on the same day.

It got worse when his twin brother, Stanley, decided to personally hire you to take care of him after another episode of fainting. Initially, Ford was very annoyed, but as time went on, he learned to appreciate you.

Maybe more than appreciate, really. He found himself wanting more of your care.

Your company was surprisingly pleasing. You and Ford talked more about the human body, which is admittedly a little neglected since he was too focused on science and magic on the outside. He never really had anatomy in mind.

When you perform your treatment on him, Ford can't help but feel... needy. A strange feeling of want.

You took a curious look at his extra finger, rubbing your thumb over it. He melted under your touch. "Interesting."

Again, he's never felt careful and gentle hands on his skin for over 30 years. (Dipper has sweaty hands. Mabel is quite jittery. Stan has the roughest skin anyone can have.)

It's a nice change of pace. The way you handle him.

Heck, he usually doesn't like it when someone 'demeans' him (this is about you comparing him to a middle schooler), but you're different. You can't keep your mouth shut, can't you?

Well, he certainly relates to that.

Besides, you make it up to him with praises during the painful parts of treatment. Such subtle words, yet he folds so easily.

Dipper noticed he's becoming more... sloppy during their missions. His grunkle has more injuries than usual.

Then again, Ford is really the only one forcing himself to work. No matter what the rest of the Pines say.

Dipper's mainly just making sure he won't die. Maybe the fact that he's old is catching up to him?

"I might have to keep this up for the rest of my life if you keep this up," you sighed, shaking your head as you dabbled some ointment on his wound.

Ford chuckled, staring at your concentrated face. "Maybe I wouldn't mind."

[justanotherwriter140]

Kung Fu Panda 4 - The Movie

The last really, really long discussion post (for now).

Major spoilers ahead!

This review is full of spoilers, so please refrain from reading through it until you've watched KFP4. I would highly suggest doing so, as I want everyone to form their own opinions without my influence. The movie has its flaws (some of which admittedly being a bit distracting), but it's a fun film that has things to offer.

Kung Fu Panda 4 is a fun movie (take that as you will) that takes its audience on an action-packed, surprisingly funny, yet relatively contained adventure on which Po doesn't really do much. It's an inconsequential, safe sequel that doesn't really hurt the franchise but adds close to nothing.

I had a good time watching the movie. It was obviously produced with its theater experience in mind and the action scenes especially reflected that priority. The humor was actually funny sometimes and I enjoyed Po and Zhen's dynamic. During the film, I was able to put most (most!) of my grievances aside and take the movie for what it is. I've discovered that the best way to watch KFP4 is with low expectations and an open mind.

I have a lot of things to say about KFP4, both complaints and compliments (though the former might be taking the forefront in this review), and I hope this review can help those of you who have seen the movie organize your thoughts. I've been having a lot of trouble with that specific aspect of things myself. Those who get it get it.

With that said, let's get into my full review of KFP4! I've been waiting for nearly 2 years to write this and I'm so excited to share every single thought.

I'm going to follow the format of my first discussion post and curate a bulleted list of my thoughts, followed by an analysis of each of these points. Keep in mind that everything I say is IMO and this is more of a rant post than anything else.

Here are my main points:

The Furious Five's role is comically minuscule in the context of the film. Their actions are inconsequential and add nothing to the plot (a confirmed last-minute add), and they have 30~ seconds of screen time. Shifu is also largely irrelevant.

Mr. Ping and Li's presence has little to no effect on the movie (though I won't complain too much because they were pretty fun to watch and this movie has bigger problems). In almost any scenario, I am adamantly against having characters present that don't add anything to the narrative; however, Mr. Ping is an exception. I love Mr. Ping. James Hong is a gem.

Zhen's screen time is not utilized well and her character is underdeveloped. She definitely wasn't annoying, but I didn't find her either compelling or funny enough to warrant the screen time she was given, especially considering it wasn't used to establish a backstory/strong motives. This makes me feel bad for the character because the movie kind of screwed her out of any substantial development.

The Chameleon, while complimented greatly by Viola Davis, is an underwhelming villain. Viola Davis is amazing in this film and I would suggest watching it for her performance if for nothing else, but the Chameleon is underwhelming considering the super cool concept behind the character.

The film feels very rushed. Apologies to those who disagree, but I think the pacing is atrocious and the final fight is anticlimactic. The movie felt like a word-vomit with no discernible intermissions that stops abruptly when the film ends.

I felt as though Po didn't change/grow as a person and the audience never had a chance to either bond with or relate to his character. His internal struggle is kept to a minimum and we don't spend a moment alone with him as an audience, which is disorienting and distracting. Watching the film felt like running into an old friend at the store who's too in a rush to have a real conversation.

The action scenes were strong with few exceptions. Creative art direction was utilized and I thought the martial arts choreography was entertaining and dynamic. I love the color palette of the film and many scenes were very impressive visually.

With my main points established, I do believe it's ranting time. Strap in, folks.

Let's start strong with the Furious Five: I'm gutted. Chagrined, despondent, crestfallen, etc.

The lack of the Furious Five negatively affects KFP4 so much, because not only does their absence hurt the atmospheric integrity of KFP as a franchise, it also forces KFP4 to bring in a slew of different characters—all while still noncommittally including the FF at the very end because I believe the marketing team required it—that clog up the cast a bit. It all goes to show how important strong, established side characters are.

The Furious Five are side characters, but the role of "side character" does not equate to being irrelevant, expendable, or exchangeable. I recognize that the Furious Five aren't super developed as characters beyond a handful of lines that allude to traits sprinkled sparingly among the members; however, I believe that the tiny bits of development we have been given have proved impactful in the past. Tigress's development in KFP2 is a prime example of how much narratively conscious changes (however small they may be) can positively affect these movies.

Because of limited runtimes, the Furious Five often operate as more of a singular unit than five individuals. Even so, I don't think discarding them is valid. They're so important to the KFP universe (to Po's universe!) and not having them with him feels so wrong. The Furious Five are fully integral to the heart of Kung Fu Panda, which is why I believe a lot of those who have seen the new movie have expressed something feeling "off" or something being missing.

I agree with this sentiment. To me, KFP4 didn't feel like a KFP movie. I don't need a Furious Five spin-off movie and I can be fully content with a KFP5 centered around Po's journey as an individual as was intended from the beginning, but he can't carry an entire movie on his back. As strong as he is in every sense of the word, he is only one character. He's the centerpiece of the franchise, but a centerpiece can only go so far without the rest of the design, so to speak.

For me, the Furious Five's absence is one of this film's biggest faults. It's huge and glaring. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, either, because the friends with whom I saw the film refused to talk about any other aspect of the movie after seeing it. Seeing them at the end was better than nothing, of course, but it was a disappointing culmination after eight years of waiting.

That all is to say I feel robbed. Despite all of this, though, I understand that there were reasons why the Furious Five weren't included in the movie. I don't believe the production team would exclude the Furious Five unless they weren't given a choice.

Shifu and Po's dynamic continues to be thoroughly delightful but their interactions are short and simplified. I would have loved to see more of them in this film, especially considering the extreme relevance of teacher-student relationships in KFP4. I (somewhat) digress, though, because the idea of Shifu having to live at the Jade Palace with only Po for an extended period of time is hilarious enough on its own. Maybe that's what the short film is about!

The comedy is odd but has some jokes that stand out. Po maintains a healthy relationship with his inner sass, which I think makes him more fun to watch and kind of eradicates the man-child verdict. Some jokes don't land, of course, but I genuinely thought KFP4 had some funny moments. Mr. Ping was consistently awesome and Po had some good lines sprinkled throughout the film.

As for Mr. Ping, he and Li Shan are the subjects of the film's B-plot as they follow Po to Juniper City out of shared concern for their son's safety. In my mind, they don't add anything to the story that couldn't have been brought about by other characters, but they had their moments of being entertaining. I enjoyed their silliness and thought they had a cute dynamic if nothing else.

Speaking of other characters, I want to discuss KFP4's deuteragonist and why I genuinely feel bad about the way her character was treated.

I want to let it be known that I'm still not on board with Po passing the Dragon Warrior torch to another character. While I agree that his arc is now calling for him to have a student, I disagree with the notion of him retiring from his DW role.

As I stated in my first discussion post:

Didn’t the initial significance and nuance of the title come from the fact that there is only one person who can be the Dragon Warrior, because the concept of the “Dragon Warrior” isn’t so much a title as it is Po himself? The universe (Oogway) must choose the Dragon Warrior because they are a singular being of legend. It is one person, and that person is Po. Wasn’t the point of the first film that the title ultimately doesn’t really matter because there is no “secret ingredient,” so to speak? The title doesn’t actually give Po anything. “It’s just you,” Po says, and that was the resolution.

When it comes to Zhen as a character, contrary to what I predicted I would think of her, I thought she was okay. While I was still a bit distracted by how out-of-place her design looks, I wasn't truly annoyed by her at any point and she and Po had some cute moments. Even so, I think their relationship could have been a bit more refined and developed.

While it's evident that Po and Zhen are meant to have a teacher-student/mentor-apprentice dynamic, I think their relationship feels half-baked. There were parallels that contradicted one another and ended up being confusing come the film's conclusion, and the nature of their relationship seems to vacillate depending on the scene. Additionally, the strength of their bond goes from zero to one hundred within thirty-ish minutes and left me with a bit of whiplash.

We're shown that Po and Zhen care about one another, but we're never shown why. They have a brief conversation during which they bond over being orphans, and Zhen says at one point, "You're actually a good guy," but that's it. This obvious lack of development is a bit disorienting because we're later led to believe that Zhen and Po care very deeply for one another when there's almost nothing to back it up.

A scene that sticks out to me when discussing this is when Zhen attack-hugs Po in a way that explicitly mirrors Tigress's hug from KFP2. This happens around the beginning of the third act, and while it had the potential to be an endearing moment, I think it fell flat.

The impact of Tigress's hug was brought on by her character's hardcore nature and reputation of being heartless, further strengthened with the knowledge that she was hugging Po (which was obviously way outside her comfort zone) as a show of companionship and fundamental understanding. Tigress hugged Po because he needed someone to recognize his strive for closure.

Zhen's hug had little to no impact because she had no reason to do it and it didn't indicate growth. She hugs Po because she's sorry for betraying him and doesn't want him to be killed by the Chameleon, but neither of these things are newly-established via this hug; we have already gathered by now that Zhen regrets betraying Po and doesn't want him to get hurt.

The hug is far from the movie's weakest point, but I think it's unnecessary given the context. I'm big on hugs in movies (an underutilized form of platonic affection, in my opinion), but it didn't fit here. I don't hate it, and I see it as an honest effort to bring emotionality to Po and Zhen's relationship, but it seems arbitrary.

Zhen and Po's relationship has a lot of potential and I'd be open to seeing more of them in the future, but I think some more thoughtful development needs to occur before I can humor it further. Even so, I can see myself featuring Zhen in some future post-KFP4 one-shots—sparingly, of course, because we have a lot of Furious Five content to compensate for.

Overall, they had a cute dynamic and some sweet moments but I'm not attached. I'm on board with Po having a student but I think their relationship needs a lot more development, something that this film unfortunately didn't give them time to either accomplish or earn.

Now, onto the Chameleon!

The concept of the Chameleon's character is admittedly super interesting. She's the deuteragonist's fastidious mother figure who feels that Zhen owes her a debt and as a result holds her to an impossible standard. That dynamic had the potential to be so interesting but I didn't think it was explored at all. There is no indication of Zhen having any internal conflict about fighting the Chameleon, no emotional complexity between them at all; it's disappointing because I think it would've added a bit of earnestness to the film.

Additionally, the idea of a shape-shifting villain is versatile. A shape-shifting villain gives those telling the story a lot of room to experiment with the protagonist and different ways in which the main character can be challenged and tested. It's yet another good idea utilized poorly. Just one idea: the Chameleon could have disguised herself as one (or several) of Po's family, friends, etc. and brought to fruition a new arc with his character (seeing as he arguably doesn't have one in this film), but she only disguises herself as Zhen very briefly in the movie.

Furthermore, the Chameleon completely relies on the powers of previous villains to pose any sort of threat to the main characters. She summons Po's former nemeses from the Spirit Realm (despite there being little logic in doing so considering Kai's literal evisceration) and takes their kung fu abilities for herself.

An excerpt from my first KFP4 discussion post that I think is relevant to the point I'm trying to make:

I don’t think it would be in the best interest of anyone if the past villains were to come back in any way that’s not a flashback (even then, I’m not sure I’d see the point). In all honesty, I thought that the whole point of the villains was that they died and stayed dead. They were defeated by Po once and for all as a testament to the idea of establishing Po's character growth and journey as a person through the bad things he’s able to overcome. It’d be highly contradictory to the messages of the other films if these villains were to suddenly come back.

While there was an honest effort made to portray the Chameleon as intimidating, I never felt as though any of the characters were endangered by either her or her army of lizard henchman. She's a visually appealing character (aside from her eyes, which I thought more resembled those of a gecko than a chameleon) and I greatly enjoyed Davis's performance, but overall I don't see the Chameleon as a notable villain.

The return of Tai Lung (had he been on his own) had the makings to be an excellent story, especially considering the importance of teacher-student dynamics in KFP4. To see him interacting with Shifu would have been incredible and could have led to further closure on Tai Lung's end (because I think that's kind of what the team was going for anyway), but it didn't happen.

It was nice to see Ian McShane reprise his role, but I wish Tai Lung's characterization had been more reminiscent of the way he was in the first film and more complimentary of his overall character arc. Tai Lung isn't a one-dimensional villain with a singular goal and motivation, and I couldn't help but feel as though the complexity of his character was simplified for the sake of KFP4's narrative.

Tai Lung's presence in KFP4 may be odd, but Shen and Kai's appearances are even more so. Kai, if I remember correctly, was fully obliterated by Po, reduced to literal particles on screen (which is kind of wild now that I think about it). Shen being in the Spirit Realm makes sense all things considered; however, Po and Li had no visible reaction to his presence, which seemed a bit unlikely considering Shen's deeds. This plot hole can likely be attributed to the fact that Shen and Kai's cameos (to my knowledge) were last-minute additions to the movie.

I have to talk about the pacing. I have to. I'm sorry, bear with me.

To me, the film's pacing is erratic and disconcerting. While I can appreciate a quick-moving narrative that doesn't dawdle on storylines that aren't interesting/important, KFP4 kind of flings itself too far in the opposite direction and ends up being frighteningly fast-paced. Once the credits began, I felt like I had been holding my breath for the entire movie.

KFP4 is confusing because while the runtime is standard for a KFP movie, it feels incredibly short. At the same time, the film's story moves at a breakneck speed and leaves little time for heart and development. These things culminate into a barreling boulder of a movie that simply doesn't have time to let its characters, story, or audience take a breath.

A fast pace is not inherently negative, but I don't think it worked in the favor of KFP4. The KFP franchise has always been very emotionally grounded (and just very grounded in general), so to see a film in which emotion/heart takes an aggressive backseat in comparison to action and comedy is jarring. While I think it's unreasonable for fans to expect the same emotional integrity as the original films to be present in the current and upcoming ones, I still think there's room for Po to grow and I felt as though the notion of him developing further was brushed aside in this film.

As for Po's growth, I felt it was nearly nonexistent. The previous trilogy wrapped up his character's journey beautifully and I know that KFP4 was bound to struggle with this particular aspect of making another KFP film; however, just because the strongest pillars of Po's character are established doesn't serve as a valid excuse to reverse his development and repeat what he learned in KFP3.

In KFP3, Po learned firsthand that he is capable of spreading wisdom and teaching kung fu. He also learns that he is constantly growing and that change is inevitable; there is always something more to learn.

"If you only do what you can do, you will never be more than you are now."

"I don't want to be anything more, I like who I am!"

In KFP4, Po pushes against this narrative despite fully accepting it in KFP3, actively reversing crucial parts of his character development achieved in the latter. KFP3 was non-ambiguously about learning to cope with change and responsibility, and I can't help but feel like KFP4 is simply copying this message while not adding anything to it.

Additionally, I felt that KFP4's Po generally felt less personal than he has in the past. In every KFP movie up to the franchise's most recent addition, I felt very connected to Po as an audience member. I felt like I was truly seeing the world of KFP through his eyes. I consider this to be one of the franchise's most impressive feats; it's incredibly difficult to build a universe around a character without making the audience feel limited to one perspective and one part of the world.

With KFP4, I felt both limited and disconnected. The world didn't feel as vast and all-encompassing as it has in the past and Po didn't seem fully like himself. This could be me nitpicking (as I'm prone to do), but I can't recall a single moment in the movie in which Po was alone on screen. Scenes like these are crucial for me because I see them as a meet-cute between the character and the audience, a moment for us to cross the bridge into their world in a way that's silent and intuitive. These little bonding moments are absolutely integral to feeling connected to a character.

Po's dream sequence in the first KFP movie is one of the best examples of this. It presents his aspirations, alludes to his way of life up to the point of the movie, and showcases his personality. During Po's dream sequence, the audience is quite literally inside Po's mind; we're there with him, seeing what he sees, subsequently feeling what he feels. Po is a dreamer at heart and makes the audience feel like dreamers, too.

In KFP4, I felt like I little to no point of reference when it comes to how Po was feeling. I didn't feel immersed in him and his world.

I know I've been very "doom and gloom" throughout this post, which is an exhausting mindset for everyone involved. I want to end my critique with something positive because I think some praise is deserved. Let's just say the movie could have been a lot worse, the details of which I'm sure you're all well aware.

The color palette of the movie is beautiful and somewhat reminiscent of the first film. While the animation style of KFP4 is far more simplistic than its predecessors, I was very impressed with its use of shadow and light. Po's many faces were also hysterical, props to those who helped make him as expressive as he is.

Additionally, the movie's action sequences were clearly thought out and discussed in great detail. The experimentation with camera angles was really fun to watch and I enjoyed the majority of the film's fight scenes. They were fun, bouncy, and entertaining, and quite likely reinstated audiences's love of watching a cuddly panda kick butt.

Congratulations, you've reached the end! Thank you so much to all of you who took the time to read this unnecessarily long and detailed review. As long as I help someone translate their conflicted feelings into coherent thoughts, I'll call it a win.

I want to reiterate that I don't hate Kung Fu Panda 4 and I had fun while watching the film. It has its flaws and there are a lot of aspects that I dislike, but the effort of the crew is obvious and I greatly admire and respect the hard work put into the film by those who worked on it. This does not at all excuse my issues with the movie, but it's worth saying.

As for the future of the series, I only hope that the next installment is more considerate of the franchise's origins and why Po's story is being told in the first place. I fully believe that another sequel could be good given a strong, passionate crew with a great understanding of the characters and world (and I wouldn't be averse to some previous directors returning, just to put it out there).

Thanks again to those who took the time to read this crazy excuse for a movie review. Feel free to either disagree with me or add things in the replies/reblogs, I'm always looking for more thoughts to think.

Until next time!

[foxwitchaine]

Which is your most hated character in Miraculous Ladybug?

I wouldn't say hate so much as strongly dislike, as it takes a lot for me to outright loathe a fictional character. More often than not, I have better things to spend my energy on than hating a fictional character.

But if I were to answer that, five take the top spot:

1.) Lila Rossi

I know. Surprising, isn't it. Well, it's all fun and games until you actually meet one in real life. And it's frustrating as hell getting those with the wool over their eyes to listen until it's too late. I have to emphasize that it wasn't originally part of the plan to redeem her in the early drafts. It was thanks to Rafe that I even considered doing a Lila redemption.

Lila had a lot of potential in the early seasons. Of course, that was before she was turned into a one-dimensional villain with little in the way of making her interesting. It says something that I got the feeling the showrunners were trying to make her hateable without actually putting in the effort while reading the Chameleon transcripts. (I had to stop reading to settle my blood pressure)

All in all, Lila is just a symptom of a bigger underlying issue regarding the show's writing. I personally think she has a very nice design, but it looks better in 2D than 3D.

2.) Gabriel Agreste

He's a severely underwhelming main villain. At the start, he had potential. But as the series drags on, it's become painfully clear that the showrunners don't actually know how to make a compelling main villain. He was surprisingly much more intimidating and better-designed in the pilot PV.

Gabriel also lacks the charisma you would find with iconic main villains such as Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII, the rogues gallery in the first Powerpuff Girls, Batman's rogues gallery, and so on. I could make a whole post about how to write Gabriel better, but I don't feel like resurrecting a dead horse.

3.) Adrien Agreste

The poster boy for wasted potential. When Rafe and I first started watching Miraculous Ladybug, Season 2 hadn't been released yet. He was nice, if a bit bland. Could have used some flavorblasting in both design and personality (he's a fashion model, for crying out loud. Where's his fabulous wardrobe?)

And then all the red flags in Seasons 3-5 started popping up.

As it stands, he's nothing more than a plot device to humiliate poor Marinette. And a mouthpiece for the writers' very skewed morality. We weren't going to redeem him at first, but then it occurred to me a fantastic way to strike a devastating blow against Gabriel. I won't say anything more since they're spoilers.

4.) Alya Césaire

Ohhhh boy. Where do I even begin with this one? Disregarding the racism allegations towards the writers regarding her character, Alya is just an awful best friend, plain and simple. While it's true that she's a go-getter who isn't afraid to go for what she wants, that same trait has pretty much been solidified into a toxic trait courtesy of her refusal to question Lila later in the show. Even after Marinette broke down in front of her and confessed her secret identity in Gang of Secrets.

I will forever hate that episode just for how entitled everyone was about Marinette's secrets.

When Rafe and I were brainstorming who to use as our civilian antagonist to fill in for Lila, it was rather telling that Alya was among our first choices. It wasn't our intention for her to fall as hard as she did in The Wolves in the Woods, but honestly? It was inevitable.

5.) Caline Bustier

She's a non-authority figure who coddles the troublemakers in her class. I'm restraining myself at the moment because I've had teachers just like her in real life. Who look good on paper and are the sweetest people on the outside. But their inability to discipline a class regardless of behavior does a lot more damage in the long run than many would care to admit.

Bustier is a character who I could have grown to understand if the writers handled her better. The biggest brat of the school is the daughter of the city mayor. That right there is a beautiful setup for interesting conflict. We could have gotten a plot where we had a good, caring teacher trapped in a terrible situation by her superiors. Which is unfortunately something that can and does happen in real life. Instead, we got an airhead who can't for the life of her understand this simple thing called nuance.

I find it very telling the fandom prefers Mendeleiev over her.

Honorable Mentions:

Principal Damocles: Too much of a spineless noncharacter to really care about

Tom and Sabine: I try to understand the parents' side of things given parenting is far from an easy task

Bustier's class: A mixed bag here, since I don't think they're necessarily bad kids

Mayor Bourgeois: Again, another mixed bag here since he's another spineless "parent"

Zoé Lee: Too much of a blank slate to have an opinion on

Félix Fathom: What kind of a name is that?

Master Fu: He was done so dirty in his backstory

Chloé Bourgeois: Another with wasted potential

[adobe-outdesign]

could you review the sweet kacheek?

Kacheeks are one of those Neopets that I feel has pretty iconic status in terms of being recognizable as a Neopet. Part of this is because it's been around for a very long itme, but I also think part of it is that they're one of those pets where they're obviously an animal, but which kind of animal remains unclear; in other words, it's a great abstract design.

Visually, they're pretty straight-forward; long tails and a simple vaguely rodent-like body with a flat face and large head. The body is broken up with lighter cream areas on both the tail and underbelly, almost like a fox if a fox was a bipedal rodent thing and not a fox at all. I do wish the off-putting hairs on the head were an actual tuft of fur or something, but otherwise it's a fine design.

Kacheeks are a little hard to place in terms of customization. Stickly speaking, the design itself didn't change at all, but their heads become more proportionate with their bodies, their bodies became less chubby, and their faces got subtly altered, with extra eye highlights, a bigger mouth, and less mirthful eyes.

I'm also not big on the customized version's tail, which feels too long relative to the body and gained an odd shape where it flares out at the base, becomes thin, and then flares out again. Some of the lineart there also implies bends in the tail that don't make sense.

In other words, the customized version is probably better in the sense that it matches other Neopets' visuals a lot more, but it just became a lot less cute in the process.

Favorite Colours:

Plushie: Kacheeks are one of those species that feel like they don't have a lot of stand-out colours, which I attribute to being around for a long time (getting low-effort versions of early colours and whatnot). That said, the plushie Kacheek is really nice. The little heart-pattered fabric swatches are super cute, and there's lot of stitching and and patchwork in the design. The color palette also looks good, using a soft pastel in contrast with the bright blue accents.

The UC/styled version looks cuter and more plush-like, but the converted is still good and accurate for the most part (except for missing the stitching on the tail tip and inexplicably mirroring the blue patches; the pre-conversion art was facing to the left, but the patches would still be on the other side regardless).

Disco: Disco is normally just one of those "whatever" colours, but I don't know, I find myself really liking this one. The Kacheek was originally known as the Badeek, sporting sunglasses in its earliest design, and this colour gives them a fresh pair of adorable oversized green glasses that really add something. Beyond that, the color palette works surprisingly well together and there's lot of details, like plenty of flowers, some striped, and multi-layered coloring on. Groovy.

Halloween: What I really like about the Halloween Kacheek is the mouth, which is perfectly haggard-looking and appropriate for the colour. The green palette works well here, and I love the clothes, which compliment the green with a nice brown and a cream collar to match the tail accents. As a bonus, the clothes are removable in customization and the base itself looks pretty good.

BONUS: I'm counting the mutant Kacheek as a bonus because I really like it but also feel underwhelmed by it, and I'm not sure if the iconic-ness of the design is genuine or just me being biased (being a filthy Mutant Graveyard of Doom lover). The head looks fantastic, with the exposed brain coming right out of the skin, black eyes, and fangs.

However, the lower body is just so... nothing-y. It looks exactly the same as a regular Kacheek minus the much-needed markings. Couldn't you have like, changed the body shape? Added more black or pink accents to the palette? Put more brain matter elsewhere in the body? Like, anything? But like I said, the head looks fantastic, and adding clothes via customization will go a lot way in hiding the mediocre rest of the design.

[makaiqueer]

Here yall go! some very underwhelming akiren and akechi headcanons!

Darkship, Nsfw, Abuse, SA, and Slight Persona 5 Royal spoilers ahead.

Don’t like, don’t read.

To preface this, this is an *technically* an AU, so little things are changed around. In my AU akechi doesn’t… well, die 💔

In my AU:

Goro Akechi is Gay.

Akiren is Unlabeled.

They are both sexually and romantically attracted to eachother.

First and foremost, Akechi is *obviously* a little insane. Well…. not a little. This bitch will randomly slap the shit out of Akiren, and will do it over dumb crap they would have forgotten in a month.

Akechi tends to be… manipulative and clingy.

“I love you, you must hate me so much.”

“If you leave me i’ll kill myself”

“I never did that, are you making stuff up to make me feel bad?”

In reality, Akechi *knows* what he is doing.

Akiren is too craving of the love his parents magically threw away from him. His parents never really gave him attention despite them living in the country-side. Akechi give him the “sweet” love his parents never did.

That’s why he doesn’t leave. Also because Akechi will beat the life out of him if he leaves, so he’ll have to crawl back anyways. Also the chance Akechi will live up to his words and actually kill himself.

Akechi will do disgusting things to Akiren. Akiren will let it happen.. None of their friends know. Akechi has the power to out all of them to the police for being phantom thieves.

Akechi being a celebrity puts Akiren in a even worse position, who will really believe a random lowly-delinquent kid that the beloved and charismatic high-school detective prince really is doing this to him?

You see, Akechi lives alone, leaving him to do almost whatever he wants in his own living space. He threatens Akiren, that if on he doesn’t come over when Akechi asks him to, he’ll use his power as he needs.

“What does Akechi do when Akiren is over?” You may ask. Depends on his mood and the degree of his mood and just what he feels like doing. Tying him up and beating Akiren one day, forcing Akiren in place and cutting him as deep as he wants, SAing Akiren until he can’t walk, and sometimes even all all at once.. Akiren has admitted to Akechi that sometimes he does find pleasure in it. This makes Akechi at most satisified.

I know this is a darker themed HC post, but Akechi does still care for Akiren. After the events of every visit, Akechi will care for Akiren. Give him water, clean him up, and love on him a little. He’s not that heartless.

Sometimes Akechi and Akiren do consensually have sex that they both like. Akechi usually is the one calling Akiren names and topping. Surprising seeing a Top Akechi AU, right? Of course, Akechi loves being in control. Akiren usually asks Akechi to degrade him, and Akechi most obviously does so.

Akiren really does love Akechi, even with all the mental insanity Akechi puts him through. He doesn’t inherently consent to being treated like this, but he is stuck like this, so he doesn’t complain. His friends haven’t caught on to the whole thing. Of course, they can tell they’re is something happening between the two. It’s suspicious for sure that Morgan’s can’t come with Akiren to Akechis house. With the little flirts between the two in mementos, it definitely is an agreeable thought between the rest of the phantom thieves that something is going on. What they don’t know is to the degree it’s at. Akiren does a damn good job hiding what’s up.

Alas, this is the end of my headcanons that i could think up.

This is surprisingly longer than i’ve really ever written for headcanons.

Let me know if you want the fluffy cuteness version ^_^

Toodles~!

[thebanishedreader]

Ongoing Book Review: Dead Inside (Chandler Morrison) Pt. 1

I take way too long to finish books since I read like 7 at a time, so I have decided to start posting my thoughts and reviews as I go along. Also, that way I can actually commit to posting these reviews once I finish the book, which is yet another thing the commitment devils have kept me from accomplishing.

Anyhow, though, here we go: the first ongoing review will cover what I have read so far of Dead Inside by Chandler Morrison.

(CW: mentions of necrophilia, cannibalism, and sex. NSFW I guess).

Description by Seller (amazon.com): "A young hospital security guard with a disturbingly unique taste in women. A maternity doctor with a horrifically unusual appetite. When the two of them meet, they embark on a journey of self-discovery while shattering societal norms and engaging in destructively aberrant behavior. As they unwittingly help each other understand a world in which neither seems to belong, they begin to realize what it truly means to be alive... And that it might not always be a good thing."

Here I am, 15% through the book. I know it's not far, but honestly, it's far enough. All I have to say is-- wow. Wow.

This book kinda sucks. Just an all-around drag. A bore, but not the pleasant boring drawl of a lecturer putting you to sleep. The harrowing, suffocating boredom of having to work a shift with that coworker that you hate, that makes you cringe so hard that it's not even entertaining to hate them anymore. Get me out of here. That's how this book feels.

For a book constantly boasting how readers say it's "not for the faint of heart," it's surprisingly underwhelming. I'm frankly disappointed, and yet this book keeps embarrassing itself so much within only 15% that I can't even be angry at myself for falling into its trap.

My reasoning falls into 3 categories: Let-Down, Cringe, and Excuses.

First things first - I was expecting something raunchy, something gruesome and disturbing. I'm not one of those people who shies away from Dead Dove content, far from it. I love that shit. Literature is a place to explore the dangerous, the taboo, the fucked up-ness of being a person. So, finding a book that pledged it was disgusting, disturbing, and medically horrifying? Sign me up. This book is... not that.

What was promised to be a horror novel that pushes the boundaries of what is too much horror, what toes the line between gratuitous and entertaining, this novel relies on one thing: shock value. And the biggest bummer for that tactic is this: if your audience is not shocked, then there is nothing left supporting the narrative.

Dead Inside relies entirely on the audience not being familiar with horror stories or even true crime stories involving necrophilia or cannibalism. The concept of a perverted security guard using his power to violate corpses is supposed to be mortifying, unbelievably despicable. Yet for a seasoned horror fan, it's nothing short of lame. Juvenile, almost. There is hardly any risk when our security guard goes into a morgue which he holds the key to, wherein there are no security cameras, where he can do whatever he pleases, lay on the floor afterwards, and go back to work-- in a tiny, unbusy hospital. It's boring, it's lame, who gives a shit if this weirdo gets his rocks off in weird ways; it's horrible to think of it happening in real life to the body of a loved one, certainly, but this is horror literature. Stephen King would have had worms crawling up the dude's dick and blossoming into a parasite that whispers in his ear until he castrates himself. Chandler Morrison just has our (I hate to even call him this) protagonist fuck a corpse. Cool, I guess.

2. Number Two. Let's talk Cringe Factor.

This narrator is unbearable. Unbearable. He sounds like the stereotype of a discord edgelord who is narrating this book with the sole purpose of scaring off the normies. He relishes in saying gross things, being gross, all while acting as if he is so much more sophisticated than he is.

It doesn't help that the book is narrated in first person. This goes back to how I described the experience of reading Dead Inside to be equivalent to working a shift with a coworker that is very much not your friend who disrespects you the same way a friend would tease. It's just plain oblivious. Our necrophiliac incel narrator is the epitome of the Riverdale meme where Jughead says "I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't fit in. And I don't want to fit in." Like, Christ man, we get it, you don't shower and your hair is greasy and people don't want to be around you not because you're "weird", but because you're inconsiderate and unhygienic and put 0 effort into anything whatsoever. Having to listen to the narrator's commentary on how he's aware how disturbing his own actions are, how he knows the ordinary person would see him as a freak, it's just so lame. That's the only word I have for it, really. Just completely and utterly lame. This novel reads with the same tone as a Reddit incel jerk-off posting about Elliot Rodger. It's just pathetic, but there's no pity there. It's entirely self-induced patheticness that the narrator excuses as being "unique."

It's fine to have characters in books that are frustrating, irritating, that make you just want to smack them upside the head for yapping too long. But it's never a good sign when the person I want most desperately to shut the fuck up is the narrator. It's not good writing if my method of making the narrator quit talking is closing the book and contemplating whether or not it's even worth finishing. Extraordinarily poor quality character. But it's not intentional - we are supposed to find this character disturbing, threatening, and eerily fucked up. We're supposed to wonder why he got this way, and what it will take to break him. We are supposed to hate him, and relish in his demise. I feel nothing but exasperation from this man. The simplest way to resolve my hatred for him is to close the book and put it away. I don't give a fuck what happens to him. I don't think he even deserves my attention, and he's the narrator. This is bad.

3. And finally. Excuses.

This complaint is a short, but prudent one. The writing quality is mediocre at best. One of the biggest rules of any creative work, but particularly writing, art, and filmmaking, is that your audience is smarter than you think. Leave things open for interpretation. Leave opportunity for ponderance, and analysis. Show, don't tell.

Dead Inside is all tell, with nothing to show. Our narrator is a loser, but Morrison doesn't let us own it. Instead, excuses are made; the most infuriating example of this is after our narrator has finished fornicating with a poor, lifeless victim. The section goes:

"... but my lovers are all equipped with the best birth control the world can offer. As in, dead reproductive systems. I know that goes without saying, but I like to say it." (p. 21)

If it goes without saying, then don't say it. The segment would have been entirely fine without that last remark; if anything, it would have been better, and bolstered the narrator's character as a whole! And this is only one of the outright examples I have of this characterization.

The bitter, dark humor of our narrator would have been brilliantly given if the quote ended at "dead reproductive systems." We would have been left with the pure objectification and lack of emotion our narrator possesses, how he sees dead bodies purely as anatomical tools for his own peak control and pleasure, his own performance. We as the audience would have been victims of him as well, subjected to listen to the gross things he says and does and entirely unable to resist it-- pure puppets for his sick fantasies, just like the corpses he violates. It would have illustrated an actual level of mystique and unsettling nature to the relationship between narrator and narrated and audience. The novel's ongoing themes of fetish and object, the definitions of violation, it all would have been so interesting if only the narrator didn't say something so juvenilely self-aware every five seconds, like he's vying for our attention and approval. Look!!, Morrison makes our narrator constantly wave his hands in our face like a child, Look!! Isn't that fucked up!! Look at how fucked up I can be! Tell me I'm gross, tell me I'm weird!! Look at how gross that is, right!! That's scary, right??

No. It's annoying, and it gets old before it even got a chance to start.

Again, I'm 25 pages into a 191 page book. It's mid as fuck. I hope it turns around, but I don't think it will-- I can see from only 15% where this story is going, I bet I can plot out most if not the entire rest of the book. I think the concept is one spooky "what-if" that goes no deeper than that. Honestly, I'm really disappointed. I wanted to be disturbed. I don't have much motivation to keep reading this book except the pervasive nagging of my soul to finish most books I pick up. Plus, I want to know if I'm wrong about how dog this has so far turned out to be.

If you made it this far, holy shit. Congrats. You're running the Athens marathon by reading this. You're amazing. I'm giving you a small kiss on the forehead.

[springfallendeer]

Lethal Culinary Note: The Forest Keeper

@xnanosilverx Alright. I'll give this a go.

Ayala's culinary notes:

The "Forest Keeper", or "The Giant" as myself and my crew members generally call them, is a terrifying creature indeed.

It is best to avoid these creatures, as our weapons fail to do any observable damage to it. Shovels (unsurprisingly) have no effect on its tough outer skin, which I would compare to the thick bark of an ancient tree.

Stun grenades work in a pinch, but only as a means of buying a few extra seconds of escape. If timed correctly, one of these flashbangs can be used to rescue a captured crewmate from what would otherwise be certain death.

Without a stun grenade, anyone unfortunate enough to be caught by one of these creatures is beyond means of saving. All that awaits will be a quick, but undoubtedly excruciating death; at least if the massive cloud of blood and the agonized wails are anything to go off of.

One would have to be not only incredibly desperate, but insanely foolish to try and make a meal of one of these creatures. But suffice to say, after having found myself stranded on hostile alien moons so many times... I have found myself in the exact right situation to try and take the risk.

I was fortunate enough to find one of these creatures either dead, or near dead. I was also fortunate enough to not be found by whatever it was that had brought this behemoth to its end. No doubt, whatever it was that had the might to bring one of these creatures down would have had no trouble using me as an appetizer, or as an after dinner mint.

When I found the Giant, it appeared to be critically wounded. I am unsure if it was legitimately dead, or if I merely acted as a scavenger which crept in to opportunistically devour the near dead creature.

Its thick hide had been cracked and splintered. There were multiple spots along its body where the thick outer skin had been completely split open, seemingly by some sort of crushing force.

Thick, viscous blood better comparable to drying tree sap pooled from these many open wounds. It had the look and feel of molasses, and was equally as bitter and sweet when I gave it a tentative taste.

The flesh inside those open wounds was pale and off-white. Considering the overall look and texture of the outside of the creature, I expected it to behave much like the inner pulp that hides behind the bark of a tree. But as I scraped the meat with the edge of a sharp rock, I found that it was nothing like that at all.

The inner flesh of a Giant is surprisingly soft. At least when compared to the hard bark that makes up its outer shell. I would compare it to the flesh of a peach; firm and juicy, but capable of being crushed by hand.

I gathered as much of the strange flesh as I could manage.

Unlike the other scavengers of that hostile world, I was not prepared for what might happen if some other predator happened by to lay claim to the body. With my limited supplies, I only managed to collect a couple pounds "meat", though I question if the substance I went on to consume could even be classified as such.

With my spoils in hand, I hastily made my way back to my makeshift shelter in the nearest facility. It was there that my experiments began.

I tried the meat raw first.

The bitter-sweetness of the blood carried over into the meat, but only until it was cleaned and soaked in water to do away with the unpleasant taste.

Once cleaned, the flesh of the Giant was... Surprisingly bland. There was a slight nuttiness to it, but outside of that my first impression of the meat was incredibly underwhelming.

The raw meat had more going for it in terms of texture than it did anything else. It reminded me of dried apple slices, in a way. Soft on the very outside with a firmer, more crisp center that had a faint chew to it.

I boiled, grilled, and smoked what remained, and I did so in equal portions. All of which I went on to consume over the following few days as I anxiously awaited the return of my crew.

The meat proved equally as bland when boiled, but took on a much softer texture. I'd compare the texture of the boiled Giant meat to that of a soft-boiled egg. It was almost gelatinous. If I had just had some salt or some other means of adding flavor, it would have made for a pleasant meal.

When grilled, the meat somehow firmed up and became even more chewy. Any hint of "crunch" or crispness that it might have had completely disappeared once cooked over a flame. I cannot even compare the texture to that of any other food that I have consumed, it changed so drastically.

The closest that I could possibly compare it to is what I know of more exotic meats like Octopus or Squid, but due to my low status aboard the colony, I cannot even verify how accurate of a comparison this might be.

Outside of the baffling (but not all that unpleasant) texture, the meat actually developed a flavor! There was a faint smokiness from being cooked over a fire, and the previously established nutty notes of the flesh became far more pronounced.

If I had to compare to a specific type of nut, I would say that grilled Giant meat tastes very similar to cashews. Even without the luxury of seasoning, it made for a surprisingly pleasant meal!

As for the smoked meat... Well. It would strongly advise that anyone else who happens to acquire Giant meat avoids repeating my mistake. When smoked, the meat takes on a texture best compared to aged shoe leather. Not only was it incredibly difficult to chew, but it sucked all moisture from my mouth with each small bite that I managed to take.

The smoky taste of the smoked meat was also overwhelming, to the point that I suspect that the taste of my cooking ashes might have been more appealing by comparison.

Had I the supplies and the means... Maybe the smoked giant flesh might have made for a better ingredient in a soup or a stew. But alas, that was my first, and thus far my only opportunity to experiment with such an unusual source of food.

In the even that I am given a second or even a third opportunity, I will happily update my notes and develop better recipes for my comrades to make use of. In the meantime... Well. The recipes can be found below.

FOREST KEEPER RECIPES:

Raw: Raw Giant flesh appears to be perfectly safe to eat if consumed fresh.

Soak for at least an hour in cold, clean water first to remove the bitterness of the blood The pat dry and chop into bite sized pieces. Can be eaten as is, but if available, add a sprinkle of salt and pepper to vastly improve the otherwise bland flavor.

Do not eat raw if the flesh has darkened, or if it has taken on a strange smell. This is most likely a sign of the meat having become infested with bacteria, and will undoubtedly lead to food poisoning. Which may lead to death.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Boiled (or as a soup): First soak the acquired meat in cold water for at least an hour to remove the bitterness of the blood. Throw out and replace the tainted water, then remove the meat and cut it into bite size cubes.

Return the cubes of meat to the cooking vessel and bring to a heavy boil. Cook until the water takes on a milky hue and the meat develops a gelatinous texture. Consume as is, or eat alongside the milky broth for a very bland soup.

If the luxury is available, enhance the flavor of the meat (or soup) with salt. Adding any available wild grain, herb, or vegetable will not only make for a more filling meal, but it will greatly improve the overall flavor.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Grilled: First soak the meat in cold water for at least an hour. Then remove and pat dry, before cutting into thin strips. Skewer the strips or wrap them around the cooking implement of choice.

Arrange the prepped meat over an open flame, preferably away from any drifting smoke to prevent the smoky flavor from getting too intense. Bring the meat close enough to feel the intensity of the heat without risking direct contact with the flames.

Cook for around 7 minutes, or until the flesh has visibly firmed up (it will shrink) and developed a slight char. Perfectly palatable as is, but could likely be improved with salt if such a luxury is available.

(I personally consider this the best means of preparation. Both in terms of texture and flavor.)

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Smoked: Ill-advised, but suitable as a means of preserving the meat in the event of an emergency....

First soak the meat in cold water for at least an hour. Then remove and pat dry, before cutting into thin strips. The thinner the better, as the final product will be incredibly tough and difficult to chew.

Hang the strips of meat over a prepared stick over a low flame. Allow the heat of the flame and the smoke of the wood to slowly cook and dry the meat over the course of a few hours; at least 6, and as many as 12. The resulting meat will be very tough and very dry, but will keep for weeks without refrigeration.

Eating these strips of smoked meat is not advised. Instead, mix into water to rehydrate the meat and boil to make for a weak but very smoky soup.

[hylialeia]

I never did write and post my thoughts after I finished reading Priory of the Orange Tree but given I've been thinking about the state of the fantasy genre a lot lately - across YA, adult, and "new adult" categories - I figure now is a good time to do that.

I didn't particularly like this book.

And I find this weird to write, because unlike most books I end up disliking, Priory was consistently well written in a technical sense, had a narrative voice I generally navigate towards, and consisted of some genuinely impressive worldbuilding and well-thought-out fantasy concepts.

Yet it took me months to finish it. I even hit a point where I almost DNF'd the entire thing, I was so surprised by my lack of motivation to continue. This book hooked me, presented me with something interesting, and then... completely flat-lined.

While a lot of this could have just been media burnout on my end (you can never really account for how your own personal mood and context when you start something new), I at least know for sure that my lack of enthusiasm had nothing to do with the novel's length. In fact, one of my technical criticisms of Priory is that I think it would have benefited immensely from splitting its story into a series and extending things, fleshing out more of the characters in each of their respective settings, as well as allowing for a lot more build-up towards the climax and eventual intersection of the characters' storylines.

As it stands, those are the areas that felt the most rushed and underwhelming to me. There were several potential instances of conflict throughout the novel that the narrative brushes over or ignores in a way I found particularly disappointing. In a book that grounds itself in examining religious bias, propaganda, xenophobia, and sexism, there were surprisingly few deeper conflicts or tense moments between our main characters. This became especially apparent by the end, when widely accepted histories (and religions) are turned on their heads and most of our POV characters carry on without any sense of fallout, betrayal, or lasting hurt. Each and every character puts aside their personal biases and histories in a way that should feel admirable and satisfying, but instead felt less than believable and even... underwhelming, given the speed with which it was done and the potential (fascinating!) conflicts that those agreements squandered.

I couldn't help but feel that the characters of Priory were either half-baked or intentionally watered down for the purposes of being palatable. Tané, Niclays, and Sabran were (in my totally subjective opinion) the most interesting characters by far; it doesn't escape me that they were also the ones who did, said, and/or thought some of the more uncharitable and even downright terrible things within the novel. Tané's inferiority complex and self-sabotaging nature, Niclays's mixture of pessimism, cowardice, and bitterness, and Sabran's privilege and willful prejudice, all served to make them more fascinating to me. They gave me clear character flaws that made their respective stories more interesting, flaws that stoked my desire to see them improve (or deteriorate) on the course of their character arcs. I found myself disappointed when those arcs became rushed in the final act, those flaws never proving a sufficient obstacle to their dynamics or growth.

Ead and Loth were sadly the worst case scenario. I wanted desperately to like them, but every POV chapter they had seemed to be written by an author terrified to make them in any way unlikable, or even portray them as in the wrong. Ead ends up being completely right about everything; the falseness of Sabran's history, her religion, and her country. Her only missteps result from a lack of information, which she quickly overcomes or is the first to genuinely discover, thus erasing any feeling of culpability that otherwise may have been implied; I never feel any legitimate moments of shame, grief, horror, or regret on her part, because the author never gives her legitimate reason to feel those things. Niclays is interesting in his betrayals and moments of cowardice, and the moments where he overcomes them are all the more meaningful for having seen him falter. Ead, arguably our main protagonist, never really gets something similar. She doesn't make any mistakes, and this is the greatest disservice Shannon could do to her as a character.

I barely know what to say about Loth, mostly because he only began interesting me when he encountered Tané - a dynamic that was cut woefully short and could have been absolutely fascinating if it was deeply explored. Prior to this moment (which had to be in the last 10% of the book, if I remember correctly), Loth is "a walking camera" (quoting a friend). He has characteristics with potential; religious, loyal, and dedicated... but considering the entire basis of his faith is overturned by one of his closest friends, he has shockingly little reaction or issue with this. Due to the important of larger plot happenings, Loth has to dust himself off and just postpone his reaction to the utter disassembly of his religious background for another time - which we are then never able to see. His reactions to most everything are basic, reasonable, minimal, or even dull; he could have paralleled Sabran in his religious prejudice, even showed some effects of his society's religious fanaticism, but he never really seems to - at least, never in a way that truly feels like it's testing him. For all intents and purposes, Loth feels like a character who should be making snap judgments and loads of mistakes, but instead is relegated to keeping those thoughts to himself (even hiding them from the reader) and soldiering on.

Priory was mostly recommended to me based on the impressive scale of its worldbuilding, which was definitely a cut above the rest. I thought Shannon had a firm grasp on her setting and some legitimately excellent imagery for it. I've been made more appreciative of this by the analysis in Global Medievalism by Helen Young and Kavita Mudan Finn, which dissects how Priory (and others) takes the predominantly white interpretation of medievalism and medieval fantasy expands it in a way that's far more inclusive and also far more interesting than much of our modern day "high fantasy" media. I'm not without my criticisms, however; the worldbuilding is another area where the pacing hurts the story, as we only have one 800 page book to get to know the seemingly important settings in which these characters live. That may sound like a lot, but it's perilously little; balancing those vivid worldbuilding details with a packed plot and character arcs meant that, at any given time, one aspect was always getting the short end of the stick.

While I appreciate Shannon's attempts to write with a feminist approach to high fantasy, I think her efforts highlight an issue I have with many similar approaches. Primarily, I find it difficult for a work to address, untangle, disassemble, and analyze misogyny in a setting where they... don't really show it. We're in a state where I think many of us have become (understandably) distrustful of media claiming "realism" or "historical accuracy" to defend its portrayal of violence and various types of oppression, but lately, I've noticed the response to that gratuitousness (in the cases where these things actually are gratuitous instead of just uncomfortable-yet-intentional, that is), is to avoid these things in the narrative almost entirely. That's all well and good; you don't have to include racism, misogyny, ableism, or imperialism in your fantasy world, especially when your desire is to write an alternative escapism to these things.

But when a piece of media is striving to say something about those topics, as I assume Priory does since its driving conflict results from a history of dismissing women's bravery and sacrifice against evil and instead granting the reward of their efforts to a man, then I have to admit, I feel somewhat underwhelmed when the women in the story never face any of the trials I myself deal with in real life. Their male colleagues seem consistently respectful with rare few exceptions; women across the series are allowed to occupy roles from respected advisors to knights trained in combat. Sabran herself seems to be one of the only women deeply impacted by familiar misogynistic mindsets, as she's constantly pressured to marry a man and produce offspring for the continuation of her line. Yet even this could almost be argued to be a special case within the world, since this pressure results from the religious belief that the continuation of her line (through her, the queen, the matriarch) is keeping the main antagonist at bay. This area felt like it wanted to be a subversion to much of the gritty, "realistic" fantasy that plagues the market, but to me, it felt more like indecisiveness. Is there misogyny in this world or isn't there? Is there homophobia in this setting or not? The answer could simply be yes, no, or even somewhat, but instead it felt like a "maybe".

Overall, Priory of the Orange Tree fell flat for me, maybe because my expectations were too high, or maybe because I just wasn't in a place to really dig my teeth into it. Mostly, though, I believe it fell flat because Shannon failed in what I believe to be the most important area of focus in a work: character. I would have traded worldbuilding, plot, imagery, and much more for a cast of characters that felt more intensely raw and complex, that were more unabashedly real in their flaws even if they risked becoming unlikable. Sitting at a 5.5/10

[soleilocverse]

Scent Test

ASHDKJAH I was looking for something and realized I never posted my fic research of me going to Bath and Body Works and genuinely sniffing every candle they had out so: here are my notes w/ typos and all :) I sorted them roughly (bc on the spot) from Best to NO primarily thinking about what soleil would like but inevitably influenced by my own tastes

scents I found Strong got an * in front, no-gos got an x (increasing number of x's based just how much i was like ❌❌❌❌❌❌ on first impression)

findings: - soleil would like the mellow-er scents over the super strong ones which is fine bc cyrill wouldn't have brought any of those anyway - would go Bonkers over the ones that smell like fresh laundry or the others' creamers or other little day-by-day surrounding scents. - he also likes bake-y and fruit-y scents. and lavender!! i don't really like lavender so it was surprising the first time i sniffed one and brain was like :00000000 he would go for it, and then by the end I was like HE WOULD GO FOR IT - meanwhile he dislikes floral-y or perfume-y scents and strong woods-y or cologne-y scents as they would be triggers for him - and then ofc, the names and scents of candles i wind up using in fic :)

this was. a four page document btw so be aware when you hit read more. at the end of this fic research I personally walked away with a hot cocoa and sugared lemon zest candle btw ^^ i'm ngl the hot cocoa was 80% bc it reminded me of ness

Hi [here is my initial visit ^^ and i said hi to orient myself bc i did Not have a game plan going in]

Best

- the linen and lavender is v mellow but he would LOVE this. It's got like a subtle spiciness and reminds him of dryer sheets

-The bubbly rose is surprisingly sweet, and v mellow. Smells fruitier than champagne toast I think it's the cranberry

But the champagne toast is even More mellow

-the hot cocoa and cream smells good :) the Choco is v up in ur face but not overpowering

-*Merry Cookie

-*Spiced gingerbread smells like merry cookie but w/more spice lol

-*sugared lemon zest is v strong and v sweet and zesty

-*limoncello is somehow More strong and just as good, much more straight up Sugar Candy (Soleil would prefer the sugar zest)

-* the sundrenched linen smells v laundry-y, I think Soleil would like the smell but it's also v strong 

-*Spiced citrus Grove is really strong but it's really nice, I think it would subconsciously remind Soleil of both Cyrill and athena

-crunchy English toffee smells like toffee :) v sweet and not Strong but getting there

-Cinnamon caramel swirl

-straeberry pound cake smells v sweets and if U really inhale u can smell like, a super ripe strawberry that's sat and gotten super juicy, oops Soleil would like that a lot

-peach belline really peach sweet w a hint of zest (the sweet orange ig)

-the white pumpkin smells spicy but has a nice warm tone to it, probs the caramel

-Winter candy apple v sweet and mellow

-the champagne apple and honey is lightly sweet and mellow

-the raspberry mimosa is v sweet

-same w/ midnight blue citrus w/ the mango, v nice and mellow

-the lavender vanilla is v underwhelming so I think Soleil might like it, esp bc like lavender and soothing qualities or so he's heard

-raspberry thumbprint is v There if u know what ur looking for, has a good mix of the two but it's kinda weird bc they're So mixed? Idk

-vanilla bean

-punpkin pecan waffles has a warm effect to it (probs the maple syrup but otherwise is too difficult to parse)

--

Acceptable

-vanulla bean noel isn't v strong (the lotion is stronger)

The after scent on it is v warm likecaraml scents

-*Crushed candy smells more like candy than the twisted peppermint

-peppermint sugar cookie has a??? Kind of mellow scent to it? Like smth from bath time? It might be the creamy butter??

-tis the season has a v appley kind of scent that mixes well with the spice and it's quite mellow (Soleil would like this one a lot)

-straeberry snowflakes faintly sweet and faintly like, creamy ig (w/ the whipped cream)

-the cinnamon spiced vanilla is not as good as merry cookie but it's not bad (not as in ur face)

-wildberry ube is fruity and sweet but it has a lingering after scent

-laundry day straight up smells like a laundromat Including the like, heat of them but Soleil would Not be familiar with that and would prefer linen and lavender

-iced winter balsam smells v lemony (eucalyptus)at first but then the pine and balsam come in except they kind of linger after that

-winter pear forest smells brightly of pears w/ some woodsy undertones. If u like. Inhale really hard the pear picks up

-cocoa roasted chestnuts is v acceptable but I can't tell what it is lol?

-cedar and suede is v underwhelming so acceptable

-holiday just smells really spicy, so does cinnamon stick

-frosted coconut snowball is nice but hard to parse

-sugared pomegranate smells nice but it's afterscent is kinda :/

-balsam and bergamot inoffensive 

-luminous and a thousand wishes kinda hm. Not enough to like not enough to dislike

--

No-gos

-*bright Christmas morning is v fruity sweet and would be nice if it wasn't so strong

-pistachio toasted vanilla has that v nutty lingering scent

-frosted cranberry has an undertone that's kinda strong and not v fruity

-palo Santo and sage is mostly underwhelming but has a lingering scent

-xSpiced apple toddy

-x Birchwood orchard

-x vanilla Birchwood and idek what it's trying to smell like

-The sugared snickerdoodle smells more like wax than anything else? Maybe i got a dud

-Golden Berry Mistletoe is v hard to parse, but it smells like it would be in a bathroom

-christmas cider just smells like Spicy?

-*So does the sweet cinnamon pumpking but that one's super overwhelming

-Fireside

-Falling flurries hard to parse

-mahogany teakwood intense

-woodlands

-idk what winterberry ice is trying to smell like but no

-idk what coffee and whiskey is but I don't like it

-black cherry merlot, also it reminds me of the chiropractor for some reason

-gingham hard to parse and has a strangely like ??? Planty great [idk what this means past me] kind of underscent

-*eucalyptus mint bc too strong (also idt Soleil likes mint), I think eucalyptus spearmint is like the same thing but either way. Same vibes. Also the second didn't mix as well??

-*under the Christmas tree v piney or. Woody ig lol

-eucalyptus snowfall smells like eucalyptus so

-Frozen lake smells too much like Irish spring

-winter smells spicy and woodsy

-xxFlannel smells too much like cologne

-xx same w/ Woodlands tho that has a more woody smell 

-xx mahogany balsam

-xx same for veviter glow

-xxwhite gardenia too perfumey, reminds him of his mom

-xx rose water ivy for same reason

-*xx cactus blossom for same reason

-xx Japanese cherry blossom for the same reason And it was kinda nauseating

*Xx tree farm vvvv woodsy and v strong

-xxxxxx vanilla patchouli was just Nauseating. I also dk what patchouli is tho

-*xxx holy shit the peppermint hot chocolate is So Strong

Xxx idk wtf leather and brandy Actually smells like cause it's neither of those and it's not good

Pt 2 [i went back. not realizing candle day candles were limited time only and wanting to scope some of those out]

-Hot pink cocoa really does smell like ruby chocolate but it's also erring towards too strong

- the caramel frappuchino smells Exactly as advertised, Soleil would love this bc it reminds him of mornings

-i did not like cozy cashmere at first bc it's kinda perfumey but then caught the lavender and vanilla which Soleil would like, even w/ the sandalwood bc the sw is not Too strong

--

-Brioche French toast is really sweet and the maple syrup is really up there

- bordering on dislike the afternoon rainfall is way too sweet for what it advertised, I think it's the aloe which I always get in my bubble tea lol

--

-linen sheets is way too strong and cologne like

-*xx leaves is way too strong and spicy, was expecting it so smell clear and crisp or smth

-xx cuddle weather is spicy again, why is everything so fucking spicy

*Xxxxx vanilla birch the birch is So Strong

-* Palo Santo reminds me of just straight rubber

[drewandareview]

Terminator II: Judgment Day (1991)

Originally published December 17th, 2012

I finally saw it.

What made me want to see it?

This movie was on my list of four movies I have to see (now three) to consider myself "cultured enough in film."  This film was on the list because I just kept hearing about it and how it was such an amazing sequel to the first Terminator.

What did I think of it?

I was criminally underwhelmed.  I thought the first Terminator was okay.  I found it a surprisingly basic story but it worked for me.  The sequel's story was fairly basic too and its premise was clever enough.  But.

The Connors are some of the most annoying, agitating, objectionable characters I have ever had to watch on screen.  And they were the protagonists.  They were people I was supposed to be rooting for.  The kid was unrealistically written and the mother was just an unpleasant human.  Whoever said there was great character development in this was wrong.  Maybe great backstories, but half the main characters were emotionless robots and the other half were vapid, underdeveloped abominations to the human race.  I actually slapped myself in the face at least three times at something those assholes did.

Yeah, the T-1000 was really cool.  But I don't think he got nearly enough screen time.  And honestly, I didn't find him to be very menacing either.  In the first movie, The Terminator really did prove himself to be a merciless killing machine.  This new villainous terminator didn't do nearly as much to establish himself as a "bad guy."

I might be being too hard on it because I was expecting something with much more depth.  It did have depth, but it wasn't a deep movie.  Like its predecessor, it was a basic action movie with a solid premise.  But even if I was rating it as a basic action movie, John and Sarah Connor really beat this sequel into the ground.

Overall?

Terminator II: Judgment Day incites plenty of judgment with too much focus on poorly-written protagonists and too little focus on a well-written villain.

[makalaure-kanafinwe]

This being the third year I have won NaNoWriMo, I intend to now make a general reprobate of myself in playing Republic Commando and watching Transformers

[nightcolorz]

Poorly describing my versions of the Gotham rogues:

Joker: “yolo” in its most dangerous form, def is writing a slow burn enemies to loves fic about him and Batman. Gay and homophobic 💯 The other rogues don’t invite him to pride celebrations anymore cause he’ll keep calling people slurs “as a joke”. Him and Edward have longterm beef, like schoolgirl levels of petty drama.

Harley Quinn: would describe herself as a “girlboss” unironically while committing heinous crimes. tweeted “clowns aren’t funny” after breaking up with Joker (ended up causing a huge scandal). The OG “I can fix him” girl. Is sort of the rogues free underground therapist (god knows they need it) cause they can’t get professional help without being sent to Arkham.

Poison Ivy: Breaking News: Cottagecore lesbian commits mass murder cause her plant wilted. She’s what republicans think environmentalists are. Would get in a fist fight with that vegan teacher cause “plants have feelings too”. Has beef with most of the male rogues, supports ‘kill all men’ without realizing it’s a joke (she prefers ‘kill all humans’ but figured she had to downgrade because the Gotham city sirens are humans technically).

Cat Woman: “OH NO! It appears I’ve gotten stuck backwards in the bank vault step-Bat 😏😏😏😏😏😏, looks like I’m not stealing any more diamonds today 😰😩”. Mad respect for Selina, she just wants diamonds and bat dick, no tragic backstory or complex motivations needed. I personally like to headcanon her as wearing a straight up cat costume (ears and a tail like a true furry) cause it’s way funnier to imagine a sophisticated rich woman dressing up as a cat to steal shit than whatever bullshit DCs up to these days. Trans catgirl supremacy 💎👍

Scarecrow: That one guy who gets angry at people because “Halloween costumes are meant to be scary 🤬😡😑😒”. Doesn’t even attempt to express emotions, is the human embodiement of this emoji: 😐. His presence is more jarring than threatening, his intimidation levels are somehow underwhelming and overwhelming at the same time. The other rogues have collectively decided that he’s asexual under no assumption other than that they don’t want to imagine Jonathan having sex. Overtime Jonathan has become basically fearless (he smokes his own fear gas like vape just to feel something). Jonathan and Harley became good friends when they both worked in Arkham, their dynamic is surprisingly wholesome.

The Riddler: Didn’t get hugged enough as a child and is now making it everyone’s problem. Would hold a bank hostage to show Batman his third grade spelling bee medal. Is the only autistic rogue that gets accommodations in Arkham because he won’t stop bugging the guards. FTM trans ofc (his names Edward Nygma for Christ's sake). He ran away from home at seventeen and faked his own death (his deadname is legally dead lmao). Uses the terms “alpha, beta, and omega male” unironically.

Two Face: “Yeah, I mean, I didn’t wanna blow up the orphanage either, but Y’know the coin said-” The other rogues talk to Harvey as if he’s constantly at his breaking point, which is half true. Harv is a stone cold mf, he’s the rock that’s holding Two Face together tbh. Edward calls Harvey and Harv Jekyll and Hyde cause he’s that original. All the rogues have at least a sneaking suspicion that Bruce Wayne is batman and use Harvey as their little primary source (being ex besties and everything), until they find out Selina and Bruce are a thing of course. No matter how much evidence he’s faced with Harvey will never accept Bruce Wayne is batmam, he’s not ready to consider that one of the only positive people in his life has been duking it out with him this whole time.

Penguin: He’s the rest of the rogues chill gay gangster uncle I don’t make the rules. The iceberg lounge is like the Batman villain equivalent of The Central Perk from friends (aka: its their default place to hangout). Oswald always makes a fuss about them not making reservations ahead of them but at this point it’s just performative. Everyone’s 99% sure Oswald and Edward fucked at some point (Edward always makes a show of flustering Oswald when he needs a loan). Ossie always takes care of the others belongings when they’re in Arkham (he has a special place in his heart for Jonathan‘s crows).

The Mad Hatter: I love Jervis lmao he just really likes Alice in Wonderland and that’s a valid ass villain motivation 👍. One of the smartest rogues but doesn’t get enough credit because of how childish he is. He dresses in kids clothes, not just because he wants to but because he’s small af and can’t fit in shit. In public while the rogues are undercover Jervis usually wears a beanie or a baseball cap (he’d get spotted instantly if he wore his usual, but on bad days Jervis can’t bear to be without a hat). Jonathan and Jervis play chess a lot together in Arkham, and frequently engage in intellectual discussion, Edward tends to be a piss baby when Jon encourages him to do the same, he’s not ready to accept the reality that Jervis can match his intelligence.

Killer Croc: Waylon has a surprising amount in common with Jonathan, they share southern solidarity. He doesn’t travel out of the sewer often so the rogues will occasionally come to visit Waylon there (Edward always makes sure to complain loudly about the smell). Will show immense affection and loyalty to anyone who treats him as human (poor guy just needs a friend ☹️).

Mr Freeze: Literally just dead inside, someone give this poor bastard a hug. Victor stands as the most awkward rogue, he‘s sorta like the odd one out. The other rogues don’t interact with him that often because he’s sort of a party pooper. He’s the straight friend on thin ice, haha get it. Mr Freeze is my sisters favorite Batman villain because she thought the ice puns were funny in Batman in Robin, little does she know I’m embarrassing myself on tumblr in her glory.

Music Meister: So many of the Gotham rogues have horrible childhood trauma and Music Meister is just like “people bullied me for being a theater kid 😩😭💔😔”. In all honesty he’s iconic, in my au universe thingy I have him join the dork squad latter on and he sticks out like a sore thumb for a bit. I feel like him and Jervis would really hit it off though (mind control buddies, ha), although Jervis would always get him to sing Alice in Wonderland songs. In Arkham they have him wear a dog collar thingy and zap him when he sings, he gets bullied for that lol. anyways I’m sure I could make more of these, but it’s 2:20 am and my mind went blank. If y’all liked this I could always put more au headcanons out (I have A LOT)

[tonoiho]

final thoughts on Sonic Frontiers (as a viewer and not a player)

ive got some stuff to say about the game since i finished watching playthroughs and i will try to keep this as spoiler-free as possible, but still going to tag it and add a read more.

i will not be sharing/posting any big spoilers for the game until after official release as ive stated before (albeit in a now-deleted post). regardless, any possible spoilers will always be tagged. same goes for fanart.

Admittedly before, I didn't have much hope for Frontiers despite my excitement, but recently as more and more info came out (and me looking for leaks oops), I was a lot less pessimistic.

It takes a LOT for something in the franchise to disappoint me, and I mean that. I'm more of a "accept something as it is" kinda guy when it comes to Sonic because for even the "bad" games, I just appreciate them for existing in the first place since they make me happy.

But unfortunately, as great as Frontiers was throughout the majority of the game, the ending was surprisingly underwhelming at best, disappointing at worst. It wasn't bad I guess and maybe that's just me being nice, but it was anticlimactic for sure. I will say, while many people find the true final boss to be boring or otherwise "lazy", I honestly thought it was interesting. It isn't the best final boss fight ever, but interesting. I'm hoping we learn more about them in the future.

There is a point on the 4th island where the stakes of the story are at their highest, only for it to be easily resolved within seconds in the most anticlimactic and cheesy (/neg) way. Which is unfortunate seeing this was something specific fans were looking forward to. The game from that point on kind of takes a turn. Again, it's not really bad, but it feels like stuff is missing from the game entirely and a ton of missed opportunities.

There is also a big complaint I keep seeing about the final islands just being extensions of Kronos, and to that I say I really don't mind. The 4th island is story driven strictly anyway, with no enemies, Cyberspace levels, or maps. I do tend to look forward to lore than gameplay regardless, so I understand people being upset by this, but I personally am not.

Despite all the negatives, the majority of the game was amazing from a viewer standpoint. I loved the character interactions and developments, and I can't even say "oh this character had the better development" because they all were great in my opinion, and I hope we get to see that in future games. There were plenty of moments between characters that got me emotional to the point of tearing up or entirely sobbing, but that could just be me.

Another thing I adored was the soundtrack. Some songs are definitely more memorable than others, but that's just kinda how soundtracks are. I enjoyed the vocal tracks and Cyberspace level themes a lot. Music is a big, important thing to me and I'm glad Frontiers did not disappoint on that at all.

Seeing as there are things that were very obviously left out or cut from the game for one reason or another, I hope they get expanded on in some form. It would be nice to get an IDW comic about Frontiers more extensive than the prequel honestly because there is so much potential.

I'd say up until the 4th island, the game is a 9/10. Anything after is a 7/10. Definitely get the game if you've been looking forward to it; I'd hope its flaws don't ruin the whole experience for you when most of the game is good, just don't expect the most spectacular ending.

And of course before I close this off, if you do still plan on playing it, there is a "true" final boss that is not indicated anywhere in or outside of the game at all. To get to that boss, you need to play on hard mode. Easy and normal mode gets you the cut/shortened ending.

Overall, if given the chance to play Frontiers, I will. I just don't see myself buying it for a while (mainly because I'm broke lmfao).

I hope this was helpful to someone, and I hope despite everything you still allow yourselves to have fun with Frontiers.

[reveliz]

"girls" review 🛗🐍🗡️🏍️

(spoiler alert: i say 'slower grower' waaaay too much.)

like the majority of people who now self-identify as mys, i really didn't care for aespa at all when they debuted. to me, the group felt like sm's poor attempt at creating their very own blackpink, yet another girl-crush group that was only distinguished by its big 3 privilege and somewhat concerning ai concept. i also saw the dozens of scandals about them that plagued news headlines and youtube video titles, and figured that what i saw as a problematic group was never going to be quite my cup of tea.

black mamba was good, but underwhelming. it came at the tail end of a year that already had a lot going for it, what with bts' map of the soul 7, twice's eyes wide open, blackpink's the album, and many successful mini albums from groups like itzy, seventeen, and txt. needless to say, it didn't really stick out from the pack.

then the bombshell hit that was "next level" dropped. "next level" is still probably my least favorite title track from them (including their smaller cover songs such as "forever" and "dreams come true"), but the weird-ass beat switch in the middle got everyone in the entire k-pop stratosphere talking about them. everyone was doing the cute little arm dance, everyone was singing the chorus, and everyone was waiting for what they would release next.

then "savage" and its respective ep came out, which was adjacent to nct 127's "sticker" in its off-putting production and weird synths. it had a limping, throbbing beat that turned a lot of people off, myself included. i remember the first time i listened to it, at 6am on an october morning, i couldn't even get through it. i had to pause it during the first verse, then the chorus, then the bridge, when i proceeded to ask myself why sm thought it was a good idea to make naevis sound like some uncanny valley cult leader. if it weren't for the b-sides, i would have probably never played that mini album ever again.

but alas, throughout the past six months or so, aespa has given me what i like to call, the 'slower grower' syndrome. it's a syndrome that a lot of music lovers experience when you have that one song you use to hate suddenly smack you in the face and add itself to all your playlists because it suddenly decided to start aging like fine wine instead of spoiled milk. sure, my 'slower grower' syndrome didn't really affect my opinions on "black mamba" or "next level" that much, but it completely changed the savage ep for me. suddenly, i was… an aespa fan?

oddly enough, the thing about the title track "girls" that was the most jarring to me was how not jarring the song was to me after my first lesson. where was that aespa *spice* i always hated? how long of a shelf life did this song really have for me, if it wasn't going to give me 'slower grower' syndrome?

surprisingly, a long time. "girls" has this sliding electronic bass line that, combined with the lighter piano notes broadcasted over the track and the dramatic string touchups, makes for a really interesting instrumental. it has a pretty long runtime and has no classic aespa beat switches (minus the dance break, which i'll get to in a second), but i don't find myself ever getting bored of the song in its entirety. however, i do think that unlike aespa's previous title tracks, the highlight of "girls" is its vocal arrangements.

not only are the vocals addictive and suitable for a vocal-heavy sm group, this song has a lot of great rap moments that i didn't expect from some of the members. so often, you see groups like twice or itzy do these talking-on-the-beat raps that make up substantial chunks of their songs, and you just kind of wait for it to be over so you can get to the chorus, but aespa makes it worthwhile. i love the song's quirks, from winter's little squeaks at the end of her lines to karina's ad lib at the end of the song. the chorus also has this call-and-response structure that really engages the listener, and i can't even imagine how good it would perform live. oh, and don't even get me started on the second half of the song's bridge. holy crap.

honestly, my only gripe with this song is, as i mentioned before, the song's dance break. first off, i don't care for aespa's dances to begin with. none of the members are extraordinary at dancing or have remarkable stage presence, and the small size of the group limits the amount of formation changes they can do, which makes their performances seem really boring when no intricate camera work is used. but also, the dance break just doesn't sound related to the song at all. sure, i know i'm probably a hypocrite for saying that when the first part of this review was talking about how good savage's disjointed parts sounded with time, but the issue with this instance is that dance breaks are not part of conventional song structure. sure, if you make the bridge half time and swap out some of the synths, it will throw the listener off, but it's still the bridge. it's still expected to be there in terms of song structure. i can't say the same thing about a dance break, when it could have been cut and had no effect on the listener's expectation of song structure or the track's runtime.

while "girls" was my favorite song off the mini album, i still enjoyed the b-sides. i liked "illusion" the most, likely because it sounds like it came straight off of the savage ep, with its minimalistic chorus, vocal harmonies, and again, very questionable lyrics (i'm looking at you, naevis). it wasn't a surprise to me that i enjoyed "icu" since i actually really like aespa ballads (exhibit a: "lucid dream") but i like how this one didn't sound too serious for a group so young and experimental. "lingo" was way spunkier than i thought it'd be, but the intro of the song makes it instantly recognizable as an aespa song, i feel. my only complaint is that i feel like "life's too short" should have just been released as a single; it's too acoustic sounding and poppy for the ep in my opinion, and i kind of wish it had been released in the spring as a 'song of the summer' sort of deal, since we didn't get any truly new material from them for the better half of the year.

so while i don't think the b-sides this go around were as diverse and experimental as those on savage, "girls" was definitely a pleasant surprise that i found myself enjoying just from the first listen.

and finally, here are the stats for this review!

ranking

1. girls

2. illusion

3. icu

4. lingo

5. life's too short

scores

title track score: 9.5/10

ep score: 7/10

thank you for reading :)

[pokemonswshbutionlyplayedsword]

If the Galarian Gym Leaders and Galar Champion Leon were superheroes what names and superpowers would their superheroic alter egos have?

Now I can make this incredibly easy or impossible for myself. First of all, I'm not gonna name them because I'm trash at names for anything, but I am gonna limit myself. Because with some of these I can just give them the power of their element and be done with it, but I don't wanna make it that easy for myself.

Milo is a shapeshifter. He can turn into any pokemon he knows of. That's his setback, though. He has to know the pokemon, what it looks like, ect. to be able to turn into it. He works on his farm by day, but at night, he's running through the streets disguised as a stray Boltund sniffing out crime. (I also am trash at designing superheroes so someone else can do that.)

Nessa can turn her body into water. You wanna punch her? You're punching a wall of water, dummy. And any boundary that isn't water tight might as well be an open door to her. Watch out for that glass of water, if she finds a puddle, she can teleport to any other nearby source of water. And she can join with larger bodies of water and move the entire thing to her will so long as she's a part of it. Needless to say, no one can find where she lives because she vanishes into a random person's pool when someone tries to follow her.

Kabu has laser vision. Seems underwhelming that that's the only thing he can do, which is what caused him to leave Hoenn and look for inspiration elsewhere, but it's actually incredibly dynamic and useful (as Leon would go on to teach him). He's got the eyes of a hawk, too, so ranged attacks are his specialty. Needs reading glasses for some reason, though.

Bea has super strength. She's an expert brawler and has accelerated healing. She's an absolute tank. She's not completely impervious though. She has to concentrate to keep her powers hidden until she needs to use them, as she could easily go overboard with her strength if she's not in control.

Allister is a master of camouflage. He can turn invisible, and phase through walls. Like a ghost. Tragic backstory? You know it. He's not exactly out on the hero scene yet, but Bea is training him for when he's old enough. He may not be much for a brawl, but he'll be imperative for spying.

Opal's not a fighter, but she does have powers. When she touches something with her bare skin, she can see the past. She constantly wears gloves so that she can avoid seeing absolutely everything. She's well known through Galar, and when there's a mystery waiting to be solved, she jumps at the opportunity.

Gordie has power absorption. When he touches something, he can gain the qualities of it. He sticks to rocks and minerals because they're tough and hardy, but when he gets his hands on diamond or steel? Oooooh boy, you're in for a world of hurt. He's the only person in his family that doesn't have weather control, but he's not ashamed of himself. He works with what he has.

Melony can manipulate the weather. She tends to summon blizzards more than anything, but can you blame her? Blizzards work for almost anything. Her powers were passed down through her family for years, so she's been trained since she was a child. She's one of the most skilled heroes in Galar.

Piers is an unconventional hero. More like a vigilante, and he's new to the scene as well. He has powers similar to Raven from Teen Titans, where he can manipulate dark energy, telekinesis, create portals, etc. He's untrained and unrestrained, all while trying to manage his sister, who has the same powers as him. By night, he's a rock star, by other nights, he's a hero making a (fake) name for himself.

Raihan has super speed. He's the fastest person in Galar, possibly the world. By the time a criminal has made it to him, he's already gotten a seafood dinner from Hullbury. He's also trained in multiple fighting styles, so you better believe those kicks were fast as lightening. He doesn't even bother with a secret identity, because what are criminals gonna do about it? He's already gone.

Leon is the figurehead of superheroes in Galar, since he's the best known and the most powerful. He's taken in all the other gym leaders at some point and taught them what he knows. They're a pseudo-group even, despite all having their own cities to defend. Leon can slow time down, giving the impression that he has super speed, but he can actually bring others with him. He can slow it to the point where essentially he's free to do whatever he wants for hours without anyone moving or seeing him, but he can't actually completely stop time. Raihan first thought of him as a rival because he thought they had the same powers, but now it's a playful rivalry since everything was cleared up.

I know that some of these could have worked for others, too, but I'm pretty satisfied with this. Like weather manipulation could have easily gone to Raihan, but it just seemed too easy, and I think Melony would use it very differently than how he would. Anyway, as always, you guys are free to make things based off my posts, and I encourage it. Surprisingly, Nessa was the one I had the hardest time with.

[athetos]

I played SMTV for 5 hours and WOW great first impressions tbh!

What I like:

Exploring is definitely the most fun that it’s been in a SMT game ever. Naruto running everywhere is a blast, and there’s so many little guys to find (I forgot their names already). You’re constantly rewarded for going off the beaten path.

The sidequests are numerous and pretty easy to keep track of. I’m a big sidequest nut, so this is a pro in my book.

I really like the skill inheritance so far, and the miracles you can obtain with glory. I always love being able to customize your protag to your liking (I’m going for a magic/vitality build this time)

The graphics look great - idk if it’s because they actually are great when compared to other current-gen games, or just because it’s the first SMT game that’s in HD, but yeah.

I’m a fan of random battles (yeah, I know, I’m a bit odd) but this game benefits so much from seeing enemies in the field. Truly a really good upgrade, because man megaten suffered the most from highly frequent random battles (especially ones that randomly would get the first strike and wipe your team)

Just some nice quality of life improvements! Being able to teleport to the most recent fount is really nice. And the tutorials, while I mashed A through all the text because this isn’t my first rodeo, are surprisingly helpful for a SMT game. I’d really recommend this one for newcomers.

What I don’t like:

As fun as exploring is, I’m so lost, dude. Even with the compass, I constantly find myself going in circles - I’m hoping that later areas have a lot more variety going on so I’m less confused.

The plot is underwhelming, but in all honesty, I didn’t go into this game expecting a poignant and revolutionary story - I wanted to make demons with their tits and cocks out FIGHT and drool over stats. Which as I said, this game does very well.

Please let me finish sidequests without backtracking all the way to where I accepted them. Let me talk with them over zoom and have them wire my rewards to my bank account or ship it by drone.