#finally living up to my name lol
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oh he still believes this. 100% still thinks he was and is an illness and/or a burden. Virgil lowkey hates himself. like we can all joke about the scene with him whipping out the miles-long list of regrets bc yeah it’s funny but like. taking it seriously. he does Not like himself. the final thing on that list was literally HIS EXISTENCE.
he utterly despises the person he used to be, that’s for sure. he’s doing everything he can to distance himself from his former status as a ‘dark side’, from his open hostility to Janus, his old friend and the living reminder of who he used to be (which is its own can of worms), to him constantly second-guessing and discrediting himself (“I’m not exactly a beacon of truth”; “did I screw everything up?” etc.), and this was already becoming A Problem even right after Accepting Anxiety when he’d supposedly learned this lesson already. the constant stream of self-deprecating jokes aren’t exactly a good sign.
Virgil is still convinced that pre-AA him was a blight on the rest of the sides and he needs to constantly prove that he’s grown, he’s changed, he’s not that person anymore (notice in the Phases end card when Janus shows up to bother him, Virgil brings up how much he’s grown with almost no prompting). and a part of him doesn’t even believe it.
(his response to being told that the other three main sides all love him, are proud of how far he’s come and couldn’t function without him is “I guess it’s nice to know they think they feel that way”. like COME ON)
the others can congratulate him on how far he’s come until the end of time, but until he stops believing that the person he used to be was evil, until the ‘dark sides’ label is fully deconstructed for what it is, until the iron-clad moral compass held by the likes of Patton and Roman (which definitely contributed to Virgil’s perception of himself) is taken down… this problem will only get worse.
Hihi, remember how in DWIT Virgil told Remus that he thought he was a terrible disease? Probably because he made Thomas uncomfortable?
What stops Virgil from having the same mindset pre AA? What if the reason he put on a dark persona in the first place was because he saw himself as the villain, as the terrible illness?
After all, he made Thomas uncomfortable as well, that's his job!
Oh, and what stops him from believing it in the future? Especially now that he doesn't have Patton's support, he's lost his "dark side friends" and Thomas seems to be spiralling down a dangerous road because of him and Roman?
Hihi!
#sanders sides#virgil sanders#tss#sasi#corn speaks#character analysis#finally living up to my name lol
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Fan service.
Shepard (custom), Liara / Mass Effect (c) Bioware
#mass effect#mass effect fanart#bioware#comic#liara t'soni#commander shepard#custom shepard#shepard#liara#n7#I mean. she would probably rock it and I assume the various LIs would agree#but it's a matter of /principle/..!#and liara; your time hath come; be welcome in thy first comic etc!#so. I recently indulged my whims and got a late birthday present from the bioware gear store#(I can't believe they did not name it 'bioWARES' but I digress)#and after the anxiety over ordering from across the world I finally got two shirts in my post box (a snarky garrus + the grey warden sigil)#and it seems this idea came along with them. whoop de do.#spring has really come crashing over here and it's a bag of mixed blessings and worries. we shall see how it goes.#and there are so many children out selling flower pins! I never used to see them where I lived before but they are everywhere.#half of them looks on the verge of giving up lol the poor dears. I also hated selling pins.
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ALSO??????? WHAT TF DO YOU MEAN THEY UPDATED GENTAROS CATCHPRASE??????
AND THAT THEY CHANGED A LINE IN ARB WHERE HE REFERENCED THAT OLD CATCHPRASE INTO SOMETHING NEW THAT EXPRESSES HIS WILL TO CONTINUE ON WITH THE LIE??????
AND THAT WILL IN OF ITSELF WAS REFERENCED THIS WHOLE TIME IN HIS NEW SOLO WITH HOW THE POEM LITERALLY ENDS WITH HIM SAYING HE WILL CONTINUE TO LIE??????
#this is vee speaking#i actually have the day off ITS A KUUKOU AND POSSE MIRACLE LOL#a scheduled appointment i had and had taken the day off for was cancelled so i fully intended to stay up laaaaaate sleep innnnn y’know lol#except i wound up crashing really early lol????? but i made a fatal mistake in drinking extra caffeine during the day#so i was up until two after waking up suddenly from my 6 o’clock nap lol *wheeze*#AND SAW THE CHANGES HYPMIC MADE TO GENTARO LOL????? I USED TO JOKE ONE DAY WED WAKE UP TO GENTAROS PROFILE CHANGING#BUT IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED LOL GODSPEED IG!!!!!!!!!!!!#POSSE STANS ALWAYS EAT SO WELL LMAO YALL SO LUCKY TO STAN AN OPEN LORE DIVISION FR THATS SO SICK ����😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#tho i have seen one or two opinions expressing sadness they shut down gentaro actually revealing his real name 🤔#imo???? like honestly lol???? they’re not quite done yet with their identities lol#there’s still the ‘original’ ramuda niitaro is basically still living as gentaro since gentaro doesn’t have his memories to ‘reclaim’ it#aaaaaand there’s still one or two points about dice i need to digest some more lol#that final scene rejecting dice’s lady luck is niggling in the back of my head but idk what to make of it yet#i think posse still got room to develop despite the track being a great resolution for their development lol#AND THATS COOL POSSE STANS STAY FED ON LORE LOL
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dandelion is indeed the worst but if he’s not present in the next book i would legitimately be sorrowful as the whole thing will become a slog . you basically cannot have the “short stories” era-of-the-timeline iteration of geralt without dandelion, it would be like eating unbuttered bread.
though it’s not like season of storms did them dirty, i wasn’t disappointed with it (… with regards to them), but since it’s literally been over 20 years since the saga was finished i’m trying to prepare for any potential reality
#however i will accept an absence of dandelion IN THE CASE OF we get to see geralt and yennefer living together in vengerberg#but if it’s regular geralt day in the life then if dandelion’s not there it’s gonna suuuuuccckk#i mean as in geralt’s life sucks without him. badly#and it also? sucks with him. good-ly.#it’s august and we don’t have a title yetttt 🥲 and they said 2024 … hmhm sure#i just feel like rupaul ‘and don’t fuck it up’.gif#like i’m excited but also wtf? new witcher book? are we on punk’d?#it’s not going to be the best but i’m hoping it will be at least as good as season of storms. not a high bar ok!#this from the person who was optimistic about the n*tflix show. don’t trust me i like to believe in the future#i was going to say ‘and i trust sapkowski more than i trust n*tflix’ and then i laughed.#i don’t trust him—i don’t even trust the version of him from the 90s and 00s!#one side of me can’t believe i’m still here after the guardswomen of kerack. and the ‘well i’m only gay for clout’ villain motivations#the other side of me is intensely curious wtf geralt will get up to this time and how witcher could maybe even denigrate further#but season of storms ending was actually good and = well it’s not like sapkowski forgot what it was about#then again it’s been 10 years and a bad adaptation since then so im biting my nails#all i ask : please stick with the naming convention of the other books. i don’t want to write an absurdly long or short name or acronym out#sooooo weird that in a few months i will be saying: there are 9 witcher books.#actually rn i just say there’s 7 and discount season of storms as a legitimate heir but mention it as footnote lol#i just hope i can survive until this new book and until its translation LOLLLL#they said translation in 2025 but you know the track record#new book: *releases winter 2024* | english translation: coming 2045!#jk i think they finally figured out that witcher is a money printer so they will be eager to translate it now and not waffle around#they kicked their butts into gear with the hussite trilogy so ! and they made new hardcovers.#the elbow-high diaries#new book 2024
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"Live, Fenrys," said Aelin.
"Live, Manon," said Asterin.
"Live, Aelin," said Elide.
"Live."
#Kingdom of Ash#Kingdom of Ash quotes#Sarah J. Maas#Live Fenrys#Live Manon#Live Aelin#Live#Fenrys Moonbeam#Aelin Galathynius#Manon Blackbeak#Asterin Blackbeak#Elide Lochan#the hardest best thing you will ever do#the power in this one word line#and it becoming the quote of this book (of all books)#now I know what my next tattoo is and my new mantra and you best believe it’s getting an entire post when I’m finally done with the book#first Aelin saying it last Aelin hearing it#and Asterin beautiful sweet beloved Asterin#quotes that changed my life#get up#you do not yield#my name is and I am not afraid#there was a princess who loved her kingdom very much#we try we fight#together#to whatever end#we are the thirteen#ps yes hi im alive lol#no spoilers please I’m almost done#the words almost form a heart🥹
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Tbh Dirge of Cerberus' actual gameplay isn't as bad as I was expecting it to be, like I'm almost 4 missions in and I still haven't died, but the gameplay getting interrupted every 5 minutes by some kind of micro cutscene is driving me up the wall. Did they really have to stop the action just to show a common model NPC walking out of scene. Was that 100% necessary
#textpost#The villain names are cracking me tf up#Blue the Blue. Red the Red. There's a guy named White so I'm sure he's White the White too#I saw that there's a Transparent the Transparent later lol#This game is really corny but in a like fun Shadow the Hedgehog B movie way so I'm diggin it haha#It's really not that bad. I don't think it deserves the super super low rankings it got#It's like a 6.5 or a 7 out of 10 so far tbh#One of my buddies said that it was one of those games where the hype made people expect too much#So people thought it was worse than it actually is#It's about as good as GG2 Overture and Overture got 7s and even a few 8 out of 10 rankings back at release#Though tbf FF7 basically changed the RPG genre forever and no one in the west knew wtf a Guilty Gear was when Overture dropped#Overture definitely had an advantage there. Dirge of Cerberus was NEVER going to live up to Final Fantasy 7's hype#Doomed right outta the gate. I hope the devs weren't too beat up about it
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The Person of Interest, previously known as "The Guy" before finding out they are also genderqueer and uses they/them exclusively, just sent me a voice message and the nerves are nerving, why am i nervous to open a voice message 🙃
#kee speaks#i dont remember if i talked about that conversation#i'd been anxious to bring up the gender thing cause i didn't know where they stood on that#considering we met while working at a christian summer camp and they attended two christian colleges near me#so we were both very in that situation when we met so i was anxious that maybe they still had that mind set#and the fear that they'd react badly upon me coming out#but i finally broached the topic by just asking 'a weird question but are you still xtian?' lol#they in fact are very much not and are norse pagan#and they mentioned some gender exploration as they left xtianity so we were able to get into that#it's honestly wild how similar our lives have been cause our marriages lasted about the same amount of time and we divorced at the same tim#left xtianity around the same time and discovered our gender queerness/sexual queerness around the same time#it's wild#but we've been chatting on and off and sending reels back and forth on instagram#but today i was cleaning out my car in order to sell it (got my new truck yesterday~) and I found a pin i made at camp#with my 'camp name' on it and i'm like 80% sure that this person was the one who gave me that camp name so i sent a pic of it to them#and they sent a voice message in reply and I'm anxious to open it now lol#I'm wondering if it's going to be them yelling that name the way they would when they'd see me across the dinner hall lmao
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guys what if i re read harry potter in its entirety and wrote that one fic i've always had in mind about a sirius black's daughter oc. what if i actually did it
#i have not written fanfiction since i was 13#and english is not my first language#but..... listen#sirius black's daughter that was raised by the malfoys (despite her godfather remus lupin's protests)#who ends up in slytherin bc of the way she was raised + her ambitions to prove that she is more than just her name#(which then later becomes a whole thing when she meets her father and joins the order of the phoenix#bc she fears she's a bad person for it)#who ends up pulling a stunt after her first year at hogwarts to run away/be taken away from the malfoys and finally lives on her own#with either remus or andromeda#(she loves remus but he doesn't have much money and he's hesitant about raising her bc of his condition)#and andromeda would make her feel better about being slytherin#and she would want to get closer to harry after they find out they're family but they can't really bc of what her name carries#the whole fic is self indulgent btw#i have more but i prob shouldn't write it all in the tags lol
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poäng appreciation post 💛
#i forget if i said but Baby Sister and i stopped off at ikea on the way back from picking her up at the bus stop on monday#and finally replaced the ruined-by-a-succession-of-cats-(in-ways-both-unsightly-and-gross) Accent Chair in the living room#with a poäng rocker (bc the shape is a little more interesting and less instantly recognizable than the regular chair) in birch (my beloved#also they make fancy tufted cushions for it now! wish they came in more colors but it's a real improvement on sad options past#and anyway it's like. now you can actually sit here in the morning and look out the window at the extremely beautiful view#and the chair actually supports you??? like i could see down the road trying to work out some kind of custom cushioning that's thicker#but the shape of the frame is so ergonomic for me that it's genuinely quite comfortable regardless. bentwood exocorset…#anyway. not a very original post but i just DO really love ikea#like yes it's a mixed bag but also honestly if you're buying particle board—#(i was going to say 'and expecting it to hold up' but. honestly i think it's just. if you're buying particle board period)#—that might be on you.#(like. if you're being pressed in from all sides by budget constraints and immediate need and no accessible better-made used alternatives—#obviously you do what you have to. but it's like buying pleather—you know‚ or should‚ that the material is going to disintegrate.)#but the things ikea makes with decent materials are remarkably well-designed and affordable for what they are‚ has been my sense?#you just gotta shop carefully but like. that's true literally everywhere.#anyway. in conclusion i love my new buddy with its clean lines. …do people name chairs ever.#i've never before had the urge but this one feels like a little assembly-line friend that deserves its own identity. like a star wars clone#(lol what if i gave it a little nametag somewhere hidden. secret identity talisman 4 chairpal.)#(& yes i promise i'm as aware of the‚ uh‚ itself-ness of this tag spiral as you are. :) )#domesticities
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#we finally painted the exterior of our house. bought it over three years ago and it needed so much work#but we finally got enough done that it made sense to paint.#since it all took so long we had pleeeeeenty of time to pick a color#i painted huge swatches on the back of the house and we stared at them for over a year#i was terrified of picking something ugly lol im not a designer and my wife DEFINITELY isnt#but anyway ever since we had it painted a few weeks ago I've been OBSESSED WITH IT#it literally looks so fucking good like SOOOO GOOD#we picked the PERFECT COLOR. its blue but its not too dark and not too light#not too saturated and not too gray. a tiny hint of green but not a lot#it looks amazing with the red brick of the chimney and the reddish stain on our front door#it looks amazing with the green of all my wife's plants in the garden#it looks amazing in every lighting at every hour of the day#well someone just showed up at my door like 'hi i live in the neighborhood and we're gonna paint our house'#and 'my wife and i love this color and i was wondering if you remember the name of it'#YES. YES I DO REMEMBER THE NAME OF IT. 😍#i mean every neighbor we talk to is like 'omg it's so good!' but this is a guy who I've never seen#he must be on a different street so they just see it when they drive by since we're on the corner#sorry i just feel so satisfied right now lmao
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Real quick PSA for the followers, just to make sure my positions are clear on some issues and to make sure I am not causing any unintentional harm (that devolved into a minor hiatus):
-If I'm intending to talk about something specific, I'll mention it, I promise.
-I do be forgetting that you all recognize me on both my A03 and my tumblr. It is surprising to me every time. I tend to be vERY flippant on here, especially in my tags. I think we have reached a point where I should be more careful lol. I am not used to having an actual effect, so if I have an effect you don't appreciate, or I say something hurtful, please please bring it up to me! Dms, anon, replies; idc, I'm always down for a conversation.
-I am not in the business of apologies I do not mean, and I certainly do not back down from my opinions, I think that's been fairly clear. So, if I apologize it's because I mean it, and that won't change.
-I make a lot of posts that are critical of fandom culture in a lot of different fandoms, and culture around specific characters as well. I want it to be very clear that unless I am directly interacting with another user, then the criticism should never surround anyone specific. I never want to direct hate ever, unless I'm tagging.
-If there are questions about the appropriateness of my headcanon posts in response to asks, that can be changed. I would really hate to be making my very small community uncomfortable. I had thought I was fairly clear on the blogs boundaries and what I think is appropriate, but perhaps I haven't been careful enough. Please feel free to address issues with me, or to block me. That is always an option of course.
Uh, that being said, I might take a couple days. I have used this blog for fun and friends since 2015, it's not my first time fucking up nor will it be the last. But, it's upsetting to me that my blog might be harmful to some (who I hadn't intended it to be harmful to, it's always been an active warzone for irredeemable character excusers lol, since 2015). The queue will go on as usual but no new posts for a bit while I figure out if things need to change. I'll respond to DMs tho, probably, bc I'm obsessed with my mutuals.
#rip to the finish the asks today mission I was on#i'll probably feel less bummed tomorrow hopefully#but i have disturbingly strict morals for some reason and it makes me upsetty spaghetti when i feel like i wasn't living up to them#but again; this is not aT anyone please god i'm simply wordvomitting#what i said got me here and that is my fault of course and thats fine that's a non issue#i just am now worried that i was being harmful before that#my therapist also named melissa is gonna love this#i have a list going of things i think we need to discuss and before today it was “i should be diagnosed with something”#“is it bad to keep peer pressuring my mom to get a new dog”#and “what does it mean that when my mom folds my clothes i have to refold them like marie kondo”#now we finally have a real topic lollll#that kid at work better not say everything is my fault when i make him wash his hands again i might loose it#that was a joke for claritys sake#gimmie a day or two to put back on the armor back on lol#i am moral and always have a clear well written and opinionated answer that i feel strongly about#and won't ever change my position on and everything i do is for the good of the oppressed#that armor#hubris is the ultimate enemy of self doubt#that is another joke#melissa og#melissa bullshit
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Heading to school now to finalize my decision to retake the year. Set your bets NOW on whether I’ll start crying again, completely shut down and will be unable to speak, or the third, secret option! (Not even I know what the third secret option is yet, but we’ll see!)
#it’s so funny like. this is entirely my decision#I don’t have to retake the year. but if things keep going like this I’m going to crash ceremoniously into a wall by the time#finals come around. so yeah#my parents straightup had no opinion on the matter and I don’t know whether to be glad or upset about that?#because like. yeah sure they didn’t scream or flip their shit. but I don’t want to have to make decisions like that without any#outside perspective yknow#but it’s been like that for years honestly#they’re completely uninvolved in everything I do basically#like my brother in Christ I’ve exclusively used a different name in school for over two years and you literally never noticed#it says my chosen name on all my projects! my assignments! everywhere#honestly I knew I could get away with it because they’d just be completely uninterested in what I do anyway lol#*lol#but. yeah#my portfolio is severely lacking and I can’t just catch that up like that#as I said my mental health is in shambles and our mental health support in this country is even worse off#and I honestly just feel kind of left alone in this decision making shit#like sure I’m an adult! but it’s not like I had much support with my decisions even before I was#no support while making a decision and only judgement after you make the decision#tbf the whole reason I’m so upset about this decision is because it means I’ll have to live at home for another year#I’d be a-okay with taking the rest of the semester off to get myself back on track and then put all I have into retaking the year#but like this I just feel really fucking tired#oops I guess this turned into a little bit of a#vent#sorry oops#delete later
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Please please please...chapter 11 when??? I just finished a re-read and it's fucking killing me. I think you mentioned that it's written? and just thinking about it out in the world but not in my eyeballs is overwhelming. I neeeeeeeed it. I'm going to go leave a proper comment on the fic but just had to come here first.
blame @my-deer-friend for taking up all my time. straight to jail.
so yes chapter 11 is finished lol and it IS about time for our bi yearly update… hm….
#the hold up was editing the final chapter of may not live (to see our glory)#or… has been lol#but that’s actually mostly done too#and my mental health has been good since i left the country that shall not be named??? so really i have no defense#but writing right now sounds WAY better than what i should be doing….. hmmmmm#doan#tentative new update time: by march 12
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✧ I won’t really write descriptions for these, but see original post tags for explanation/commentary on the song snippet ✧
#This was literally just off the top of my head improvising words that rhyme (as is obvious from me rhyming the word#'on' with the word.... 'on' (what's going ON my name is ON' etc. lol) but after actually thinking about it this kind of seems a little#sinister?? why is his name on the news? why is he fleeing town? makes me think of of some guy who's killed#someone or is finally getting caught for his crimes so one last stop before he flees town is he returns home to his husband (who he#calls Hummingbird sometimes I guess) and is like 'erm... tee hee.. I can't tell you why but I shall leave. farewell' etc.#also 'I guess I could show you' having a bad implication like.. yeah I COULD show you the dead bodies and evidence of my crimes#but I will spare you from that and simply let you live in ignorance (at least until you see the news at 10.. but I will be long gone by#then.. eating green beans somewhere lol).. ANYWAY.. 100% unintentional but you could actually almost read some sort of meaning#out of this one. until the green beans part ghhbjb.. I try so hard for everything to just be meaningless gibberish#that has no connection but I suppose sometimes a connection can be made. alas.. a perhaps accidentally Dark seeming song snippet#OR alternate theory. uhh... actually his name is on the news for a good reason. he donated all his money to charity and now#he's fleeing town just because he's embarassed to be publicly recognized.. a shy philanthropist OR an evasive murderer#BOTH versions of him like green beans. which is the truth? up to listener interpretation lol.. Also I#still find it immensely funny for some reason to do this lower sounding style of singing. which not that I really care about like having a#Broad Range or something since I don't think it'd even be possible to have one in my position (as someone#with zero musical/vocial training/etc.) BUT because part of what I find fun is like.. experimenting with all different sorts of sounds#and also doing choir type stuff. So then I do want to be able to sound like multiple people.. if that makes sense? I want to have a really#high voice and the a really low voice and have them sing together and it sounds like a duet or something when it's really just one person.#etc. Thus have a passing interest in learning to adopt different singing styles if I can. because then that's funny and I can do a wider#variety of things like it's all different characters or something as if all the song snippets are done by different people or etc.#(maybe just part of the nature of it being experimental).#And the low voice is always the goofiest sounding to me and very 'fake' seeming I guess#like blatantly is just someone putting on an affect or whatever but still in a kind of fun jokey way lol#beepo tag
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#tonight or tomorrow morning actually is the 4 year anniversary of my dog dying and like surprise surprise lol im still not over it like.#i honest to god dont think i ever will. i honestly dont know how people move on and get other pets and just. keep on living like i#understand it like for some people it's part of the healing process but i just could never do it. like i just cant even fathom#i dont know that's not the point. the point is im having such a hard time because everytime i do anything tonight i keep thinking#4 years ago i still had my dog or 4 years ago in 5 hours i didnt know id be going to the vet at 1am and going home without my dog at 5am#and i just keep reliving it no matter how hard i try to not. and on one hand i want it hurt like i want to remember it just to punish myself#i just i just cant move on like it's just. i went 24 years of my life without ever experiencing death and then 4 years ago today my dog dies#in the most tragic possible way ever and then 11 months later my other dog who i had for 17 years since i was 8 dies and yeah still#not over that one either because i never let myself process that or truly grieve her because i had to shut that up real tight#or i would have lost it for real. and i have the most fucked up miserable tragic dreams about her so many nights a week#because she was old and had been u know. like old dogs do they just decline and that was impossibly hard to watch but at least i kind of#knew it was coming u know but like with my other dog. there was just absolutely no warning it was so sudden and it just ripped me apart and#i honest to god will never be okay again and then 6 months after all that i find out my ex died and only because after 6 years i finally#Finally decide to have the guts to talk to him again and apologize and explain and try to be friends and then nope he's dead#then in between all those deaths a super close family friend died and my grandpa my dad's dad died and like it's just#i had never even experienced death before and then all of a sudden i was engulfed in it and i just dont know how to come back from it.#but tonight is just. painful. like i havent even said his name out loud since it happened. i cant talk about him at all just writing this i#want to cry like it just fucking hurts forever. and it should i guess.#and i feel so stupid because so many times i wonder if my cat even remembers them and i wonder if she misses them too and idk#that makes me feel stupid and emotional and im just a wreck but i should be.
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Fantasy traveling merchant guy I came up with aeons ago
unedited version under the cut ig
#my art#finally living up to my username lol#his name is emporium#he shows up in the darndest places with wares to sell#people who try to follow him when he's leaving somewhere invariably black out and lose memories of where he was going
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