#final expense quotes

[universallifeinsurance]

Find the best financial advisor by making an effort to obtain financial aid

Elsayed Financial Services is the best life insurance company in Texas that provide the best financial services and insurance quotes.

Call Us:- (727)390-9069 For more info visit:- https://www.iquoteme.com/

[dragonairice]

Rich: do you remember yesterday when you told me 'hey Rich don't try to jump off the staircase onto a mattress because that's not going to end well'? Michael: Oh no ~ Rich: If LEMONADE is made out of LEMONS, then GATORADE- Michael: is made out of Water, Sugar, Dextrose, Citric Acid, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Salt, Sodium Citrate, Monopotassium Phosphate, Modified Food Starch, Glycerol Ester of Rosin- Rich: how the hell do you know all that Michael: You've made that joke at least once a day, it was about time someone came up with a response

[bamboozled-distress]

shoutout to dick and Barbara for choosing their original costumes for the sole purpose of taking the piss at Batman and to just absolutely enrage their father and sticking to their shit ass costumes for years on end because no matter what happens they are committed to the fucking bit.

[artemisbarnowl]

Was thinking about how I'm disappointed about how difficult it is to do basic life tasks for Myself instead of for the impending Visitors. I deserve to have a nice clean home!! I know that!! So why don't I do these nice things for me???

Anyway while I'm working on that I thought about how some women will wear their non sexy undies when out as a deterrent to wanting to sleep with random men and I need the opposite of that. A shirt that says "come to my house" so it's gotta be clean and ready for guests at all times.

[kedge-soli]

The Price of Longevity: How Age Influences Life Insurance Premiums

Life insurance is often seen as a cornerstone of financial planning, offering peace of mind and security for loved ones in the event of one's passing. However, one critical factor that significantly impacts the cost of life insurance premiums is age. As we grow older, the cost of obtaining life insurance can increase dramatically. In this blog, we'll explore why life insurance premiums can become so high based solely on age and what this means for those considering life insurance later in life.

The Nature of Risk Assessment

Insurance companies operate on the principle of risk assessment. They calculate the likelihood of having to pay out a claim based on various factors, with age being a primary determinant. Statistically, older individuals are closer to the end of their lifespan than younger ones, making it more likely that an insurance company will have to pay out a policy sooner rather than later. This increased risk translates directly into higher premiums.

The Exponential Cost of Aging

The relationship between age and life insurance premiums isn't linear; it’s exponential. This means that as you age, the cost doesn't just rise steadily but accelerates. For example, the difference in premiums between someone who is 30 and someone who is 40 is noticeable, but the difference between someone who is 60 and someone who is 70 can be staggering.

Let’s take a closer look at some hypothetical figures to illustrate this point:

Age 30: A healthy 30-year-old might pay around $30 per month for a 20-year term policy with a $500,000 death benefit.

Age 50: By age 50, the same policy might cost $100 per month.

Age 70: At age 70, the premium could easily soar to $400 or more per month, and this is assuming the individual is in good health.

These figures are generalizations, but they highlight how significantly premiums can increase with age.

Health Complications

As we age, the likelihood of developing health issues increases, and these health issues can further inflate life insurance premiums. Conditions like hypertension, diabetes, heart disease, and other chronic illnesses become more common, and insurers factor these risks into their pricing models. Even minor health concerns can lead to substantial premium hikes, or in some cases, make it difficult to obtain life insurance at all.

Limited Policy Options

In addition to higher costs, older individuals often face more limited options when it comes to life insurance policies. Some insurers set age limits for certain types of policies, such as term life insurance, making it more challenging to find suitable coverage. Those that do offer policies to seniors often provide shorter term lengths or reduced coverage amounts.

What Can Be Done?

While the reality of higher premiums with age is a challenge, there are steps you can take to mitigate the impact:

Purchase Early: The most effective way to lock in lower premiums is to purchase life insurance while you are young and healthy. The earlier you start, the better the rates you can secure.

Consider Permanent Life Insurance: While more expensive initially, permanent life insurance policies, such as whole life or universal life, provide lifelong coverage and can be a better long-term investment for those concerned about future insurability.

Shop Around: Different insurance companies have different underwriting criteria. It's worthwhile to compare quotes from multiple insurers to find the best rates for your age and health status.

Healthy Lifestyle Choices: Maintaining a healthy lifestyle can help you qualify for better rates. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and avoiding smoking can all contribute to lower premiums.

Conclusion

Age is an unavoidable factor that dramatically influences life insurance premiums. While it poses a financial challenge, understanding the reasons behind these cost increases can help individuals make informed decisions about their life insurance needs. By planning early and exploring different options, you can ensure that you and your loved ones are adequately protected without breaking the bank.

Whether you're considering life insurance for the first time or revisiting your existing policy, it's crucial to stay informed and proactive. Your future self—and your family—will thank you.

[conferenceman]

[katy-l-wood]

Top Surgery Fundraiser

Hello! I'm Katy L. Wood, an author and artist with a dayjob in wildland fire dispatch, and I need help funding my top surgery/breast reduction.

I made the decision to finally pursue surgery for the issue about two years ago, but have had to put it off due to moving across the state and going back to college, but now that I'm a little more settled it's time to just get this done. I am getting a reduction in general for all of the aforementioned reasons, but I have chosen to go completely flat for gender related reasons. I am not trans, but I am certainly not cis either and having any sort of noticeable breasts just does not align with how I want to present.

I have found a great surgeon here in Colorado, but he is a little more on the expensive side. The total quote for my surgery (including all follow up appointments, anesthesia, post-surgery garments, and the surgery itself) is just under $15,000. I pursued several different options, but every other surgeon I talked to required a year of therapy to get an official diagnosis of gender dysphoria (and so did all insurance covered options), and I am not willing to do that. I am not dysphoric, I honestly could live with my chest as it is from a gender perspective, it's just the functionality of it and the amount of pain it causes that is making me finally pull the trigger to get this done. The only gender related part is how much I want taken away because if I'm doing it, I may as well do it right.

Additionally, if my quote for surgery was, say, $10,000, but I had to have a year of therapy on top of that, plus pay health insurance premiums for a whole year to get that therapy, it'd probably come out to about the same cost if not MORE expensive. I figure it's quicker, easier, and cheaper to just get it done all in one go and not waste my time (or the time of a therapist with clients that actually need their services).

I have been working a TON of overtime this summer to try and save up as much as I can towards this surgery (150ish hours last month, and about 45 so far this month), but that won't get me all the way. I'm trying to get about $17000 total saved up to cover not only the surgery but post-surgery meds, transportation to and from the surgery, and some other general post-surgery comforts like a lot of easy-make food, food deliveries, pet sitting while I'm gone, etc.. Time off work thankfully shouldn't be an issue.

[getmypolicyblog]

It’s important to note that final expense insurance quotes for policies may have a waiting period before the death benefit will be paid out. The best final expense insurance quotes with Get My Policy and find the best policy.

[iadoreneteyam]

e!42 miles w/ a y2k girlfriend

e!42 miles who immediately shuts his girlfriend down when she complains about him spending his extra cash on her claiming “who else I’m gonna spend it on, mami?”

e!42 miles who likes to pull his girlfriend by the belt loop of her miss me jeans for a kiss goodbye.

e!42 miles who is of course beyond excited for his girlfriend when she finally gets the job he knew she worked so hard to get.

e!42 miles who starts to regret letting his girlfriend get the job when he sees a dude flirting with her at the counter.

e!42 miles with a y2k girlfriend who begs him to match outfits with her.

e!42 miles who won’t admit he loves the baggy ed hardy jeans his girlfriend bought him for his birthday

e!42 miles loves when his girlfriend wears the and I quote “the really nice jeans with the sparkly jewel design shit on her ass”

e!42 miles who carries his girlfriend bags as she buys everything her heart desires in the mall.

e!42 miles who will stop in the middle of the sidewalk and willingly get down on his knees to tie his girlfriend shoes.

e!42 miles who likes the look of his girlfriend’s brown lipliner and shiny gloss smudged all over his face after she showers him with kisses.

e!42 miles who doesn’t care where he is and whispers in his girlfriend ear to say “give me kisses, ma”

e!42 miles who loses his absolute mind when he sees his girlfriend bought him the shoes he had been wanting

e!42 miles who pays for every last bit of his girlfriend’s maintenance expenses.

e!42 miles who likes the feeling of his girl’s nails scrapping up and down his back while they cuddling at night.

e!42 miles who loves watching his girlfriend run around the kitchen with his mommy cooking

e!42 miles who tries his best (but ultimately fails) to put his girl’s lashes on.

e!42 miles who likes matching shoes with his girlfriend.

y2k girlfriend who convinces e!42 miles to get his ears pierced.

e!42 miles who holds his girlfriend’s hand tight cuz ( tho he won’t admit it) he’s really scared of the piercing gun.

y2k girlfriend who makes e!42 miles feel better by offering to get her helix pierced

y2k girlfriend who leaves the piercing shop with an industrial and a helix.

e!42 miles who shows up to his girlfriend’s house with flowers and snacks to make up for what he calls “being a pussy” at the piercing shop.

e!42 miles and y2k girlfriend who spends the rest of the day binging every bring it on movie.

[universallifeinsurance]

Get financial services from the best life insurance company

Elsayed Financial Services offer whole-life quotes and final expense quotes! Compare quotes to ensure that the term life quotes you select are reasonable and meet your demands.

Call Us:- (727)390-9069 For more info visit:- https://www.iquoteme.com/

[aouiaa]

INTRODUCING

barista!abby x trainee!reader

warnings and disclaimers included the following

## content of sexual wlw content [mdni 18+], a slight cameo of ellie williams and joel miller, a classic frenemies with ellie pie and abby bear, a mention of parental death, a mention of male genitalia, smut with somewhat plot, softdom!abby, sorta loser!abby (cutie pie), sub!reader, public sex (break room of coffee shop), usage of petnames (pretty girl), praising, orgasm denial (once), fingering, nipple play, cunnilingus, face sitting, cum eating, aftercare (fucking finally i write some), strong language.

barista!abby who’s also a student in business dreams of opening her own coffee shop in aspiration of honoring her father and love for books.

barista!abby who argues that she’s killing two birds with one stone since she’s building skill and working for her degree.

barista!abby whose such a SHOW OFF in front of girls she finds attractive, it so feeds into her ego when it works, and the girls are all ogling over her mastery at coffee art. yeah, it’s totally not the arms that are doing it for them.

barista!abby who hates that little red or whatever color haired fuck, ellie. the two have curated non-verbally a competition on basically whose dick is bigger. who makes the best batch, who makes this, who makes that. it’s never ending with these two.

barista!abby who’s convinced ellie in another lifetime was a king’s jester with her profound tricks that amused no one, but herself. the tricks themselves could threatened the woman’s head off alone, finding herself in a fetal position, in a pit of her own laughter. when abby eagerly sits on a unsuspecting “prize” during lunch, only to hear what can be described as a gust of wind. her flushed countenance instantly transformed into anger when the palm of her hand held a whoopee cushion.

barista!abby who went so warm when she saw you talking to the manager after ellie confirmed you were a new employee that if you stuck a thermometer under her tongue in that moment, it’d earn a hospital visit. and with ellie on sidelines teasing her for the state she’s in wasnt helping, unnecessarily quoting if she’s under weather, then rain on your home.

barista!abby who at the end of your shift on your first day surprised you with a free pastry as a warm, warm welcome. a small gesture, unfortunately, came with the price of a dispute with her boss, and money taken out of her week’s pay. amidst said scolding, a surprising opportunity came up. a good one at that, to train you at the expense of ellie’s days off of work to visit in her father, joel in their hometown, wyoming. despite the fact that she hardly listened after the inviting words of you, buzzed her mind with endless possibilities. it had her practically salivating at the numerous scenarios swirling around in her head.

barista!abby who’s a few weeks into training you, was losing her MIND over the taunting questions of you flirting or not. the causal strokes of your fingertips against her biceps alone were making the job harder. she had to get to the bottom of this, and like a detective corner you and have you plead for mercy.

barista!abby who, with an ironic twist, was usually consumed with thoughts, now found her mind solely preoccupied with you. her gaze fixed on the firm grip you maintained on the wooden handle, watching how your movements harmonized with its every swing as you rigorously mopped the floor. the purpose once held by the rag now seemed inconsequential as she leaned against the counter, arms folded, absentmindedly chewing on her lip. she imagined those hands of yours grasping onto her with the same unwavering hold they wielded when she stretched you out.

"take a picture, it'll last longer." you quipped, confidence resonating in your tone, and looking over your shoulder to show off the smirk that truly sells it. you knew she had been watching the entire time, and now had the satisfaction of catching in her act. she scoffed lightly, attempting to cover up her evident embarrassment, clearly trying to play it off.

“my phone’s in the locker, care to help?” she taunts.

barista!abby who watches you, utterly mesmerized by your frenzied movements against her fingers, pinned against the locker, using your hands as support to hold yourself up. the sounds you emitted resembled a blender running at full speed, loud enough to reach the nation if anyone had been nearby. thank god, it was just the two of you for the closing shift, dissipating the risk of scaring any customers away.

her ring and middle finger slid diligently in and out of you, while her right hand teased your hardened nipple between her pointer and thumb. her chin rests on your shoulder, leaving a trail of kisses on the bruises that dotted your neck. the gorgeous blues remained fixed on your mouth, agape to let her hear the sweet sounds of your pleasure. the corners of her lips curl into a satisfied smirk as she watched you tremble at the touch of her curling fingers on your g-spot.

abby's precise movements brought you closer and closer to the brink, the sensation was almost too much to bear. but just as you were about to succumb to the pleasure, her fingers slipped from your grasp. confused and frustrated, you’re flipped onto your back against the metal, meeting the gaze of the master puppeteer.

"you think i’m was gonna let you come and not see this gorgeous face?" she teased, admiring your disheveled state.

you frowned in protest, "i was just about to cum, asshole."

"careful, or you won't at all." she warned, taking your hand and leading you to a bench nearby. "sit on my face, pretty girl. no holding back." she commanded, her eyes filled with anticipation.

this time, with no complaints, you willingly complied with this new plan. abby's capable hands gripped the plush of your thighs, guiding you down onto her waiting mouth. the moment her tongue made contact, a moan tore itself from your larynx as a newfound sensation washes over you. your hand streams through her mane, tugging at the strands as she laps through your petal soft lips.

your hip, limited to their range of motion, rut back and forth against her prominent features, your body orchestrating itself towards it’s imminent. it wasn't long before the tension building in your abdomen snapped, sending you through the throes of your orgasm. your release painting the lower half of her face.

talk about a clean up in aisle seven!

barista!abby who makes sure you’re beyond comfortable, delicate caresses and praises when taking care of you. she, even going the extra mile, makes you hot coco, watching the liquid slosh within the mug, as she approaches you with a soft “there you go.” in response, you flash a smile and gratitude. she stood there, hands on her hips, observing you savor the drink. a grin tugging at her lips as she took in the sight of her oversized jacket draped over your shoulders.

intrigued by her smile, you raise an eyebrow and playfully inquire, "hey, what’s got you smiling over there?"

she chuckles softly, a light hue of pink painting her cheeks as her gaze momentarily wavers. looking everywhere but you, she brushes it off with a scoff, scratching her cheek. “nothing, just…” there's a brief sight of contemplation before she inevitably hesitates, shaking her head with a sigh. "nothing, forget it.” she dismisses.

you let out a hearty laugh, setting your mug aside. leaning forward playfully, you tease gently. "are you really going shy on me? like werent you just eating me out a second ago.“ a smirk adorning your features as you tilt your head.

her smile grows nervous, scratching the back of her neck as her blush deepens. mumbling a curse under her breath, she gathers the courage to ask, "i was just wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me?"

i’ll let you be the judge of that. part two?

REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED !

PERMANENT TAGLIST, @dyk3ang3l, @elliesprettygirl, @les4elliewilliams, @r3starttt, @slut4mascss, @marsworlddd, @bready101, @abbysleftbicepp, @airenaa, @caraphernellie, @astralnymphh, @whore87, @kaiilectric, @sapphicontherun, @mikellie, @nihilisticangelbby, @be3flow3r, @ppuussyyy, @clairoscharm, @lvlymicha, @brackishkittie, @loveyru, @drunkonnatasha, @leosw0rld, @visupremacysstuff

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

own 2 cents about cure autism

autism cure research, generally not coming from point of, those with it wanting to improve life this way. but more so—people around them believe it what they want it what they need it improve life, and, uncured autism seen as … difficult for people around them, expensive for government to provide services, take up resources in medical places, etc.

majority autistic people *in actually autistic community, who understand this topic, & can talk about their opinion* don’t want whole cure

there not-small-group of autistic people who cannot reliably tell you what they think about this, or in way that easily understood (can’t communicate, can’t understand, etc). they need be remembered in this conversation (& arguably centered… bc they gonna be more affected. see below)

having said that. there exist autistic people of all types who would want cure for own autism. out of those have seen myself, majority of them [high support needs / nonverbal or level 2/3 or diagnosed severe or significant symptoms of some sort] whose life extremely different from peers because of it (& like majority of their problem not caused by “society” & won’t disappear if society & capitalism not exist anymore). it how they feel about their own autism, n feel counterproductive in “educating” them about their own (clearly personal and upset) feeling about what they want do with own disorder, especially since they not funding cure research or whatever. but—

autism, developmental disability that start in childhood, famous for be the “be treated as can understand and make own decisions” and “have autonomy respected” and “not ever forced coerced do anything” and “not force abusive therapy to make them appear ‘normal’ ” disorder. (sarcasm) — don’t really believe we as society are at place where we would actually respect “only for people who want it. won’t force it on people who not want it”.

aka. if cure is post-natal, AKA happen after birth… they will directly or indirectly force cure on autistic people

force post-natal autism cure will disproportionately impact those who… higher support needs, diagnosed level 2/3, diagnosed moderate severe, diagnosed low functioning, diagnosed comorbid intellectual disability or global developmental delay, diagnosed comorbid genetic developmental disability, nonverbal… diagnosed children, in conservatorship, ward of state, in prison, generally not fully legally allowed have final say in decision making… visibly autistic, have/said to have severe behavioral issues, BIPOC especially Black people… (incomplete list)

which. not to say autistic people who not any of these won’t be affected at all. because will. but as a whole, people on that list as a collective group, will be more impacted, more coerced, more forced, even won’t be given choice, to take cure (maybe won’t even be told was given cure), over people not on that list as a whole.

am going emphasize that autism is developmental disorder that start in childhood & children get diagnosed with it & children legally not final say in make decision & children very easily talked into agreeing without full informed decision & those diagnosed as children more likely be [higher support needs / nonverbal / more significant symptoms] (EDIT: at time of diagnosis) because those most noticeable earliest + global developmental delay then catch up later on happens (to vastly simply it to a fault, quoting someone, “no shit they high support needs, they children.”)

can also see welfare slowly not covering uncured autistic people, insurance decrease / deny / make harder coverage for autism related services other than cure, schools & esp special education less support for autism, etc. general official resources for autism decreasing (which. not much to begin with even pre-cure), which again impact all autistic people but especially list above… oh and poor people. can also see stuck in limbo of “will not get support & welfare if uncured autistic, but no money to cure” because this shit will be expensive

when this much at stake (aka if there no resource for keep be autistic, n resources locked away only able get after cure), when big percentage of autistic people cannot reliably show informed consent in some way (cannot reliably communicate, cannot reliably show they understand, or literally not allowed have decision capacity legally, etc)… if an autistic person say yes they agree. actual willing yes? not coerced? not misled? not forced into it?

autism & autistic people (& by extension, care people they depend on) don’t have enough support to begin with. in this current reality without cure lol. can we focus on that too pour as much money in that too — let’s not talk autism’s inherent quality of life until you give all autistic people as much care as they need & for it be freely n easily available

don’t really think current science have enough tech & resource cure autism like this. autism is complex disorder with complex sources & hard to say if current what called “autism” based on behaviors & internal reported symptom not actually group of different disorders.

if cure pre-natal (e.g genetic identification & abortion. anti choice unkindly DNI) - see: down syndrome

however: finding genetic cause =/= cure. find genetic cause can easily lead to find cure research. but should be clear that they not equal to eachother, not automatic mean eachother.

um. missing many things probably

TL;DR. don’t think right now society at place where… have widespread enough, nuanced enough, critical enough, & enough awareness/acceptance/understanding of ALL autism (and disability as a whole).

enough support for autistic people for autism-related needs & general needs (financial, food, etc).

world where autistic people who can make own decisions about self actual able make own decision about self, & world where autistic people who genuinely can’t (for now or ever) actually protected from harm

and honestly don’t think we have enough scientific and medical advancement/knowledge/ability

etc

to actually make sure this won’t go haywire

.

idk if anyone can follow this

autism issue is disability justice is cross-movement justice. autism issue depends on liberation of so many groups of people (like welfare reform, prison reform) 👍

follow up

[dc-comics-enjoyer]

Batfam as Bob's Burgers' quotes

Tim (about Damian) : You don't want to mess with my brother. He'll wear down your self-esteem over a period of years.

---

Damian (13 years old) : Speaking of Christmas, here is my annual list of demands.

Bruce : "My own apartment."

Damian : And it can not be a studio. You have exactly 7 shopping days to comply. If it rolls into day 8, there will be tears and violence.

---

Bruce : We'll have to cut down on expenses. What can we live without ?

Damian : Probably Tim and Jason.

Stephanie : That's a good start.

Tim : Huh. Well that makes the things I was gonna cut irrelevant.

---

Bruce : They're not here ! I got Jason's diary, let's see if it says anything. "Dear Diary, tonight we're sneaking into the dangerous taffy factory. Also, if boys had uteruses they'd be called duderuses".

Dick : Ha, "duderuses."

---

Stephanie : I like sandwiches.

Jason : You smell like you do.

Stephanie : You smell interesting too. You own a toothbrush, or are you still shopping around ?

---

Jason : You know that boat that I've been fixing up?

Tim : You've mentioned it.

Jason : Well, I finally got her shipshape, and I thought it'd be fun to take you all out.

Stephanie : Kill us?

Jason : No, take you out for a boat ride.

---

Tim : Why'd you head-butt me?!

Jason : I was going to punch you, but I'm holding wine.

---

Dick, at some point : Bruce, Jason, look at yourselves ; you're father and son ! You're supposed to love each other, not kill each other. This isn't the Bible !

---

Bruce : I should write a parenting book. Call it, "Hey You, I Saw That! Put It Back !"

[bleedingoptimism]

𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚

part 1

“You look pale,” Jeff comments making Eddie snort loudly.

Of course he looks pale, he’s got vampirism, doesn't he? But then again, so does Jeff and he looks great.

“When was the last time you fed?” He asks.

Eddie sighs heavily trying to reign in his bad mood. He knows Jeff’s just worried and wants to help, and he’s grateful to have run into an old friend from high school as soon as he moved into the big city. 

Because he’d be utterly lost without him.

He doesn't know where anything is, he gets lost in the subway, and he has no idea when he’s being charged too much for a muffin or suspiciously too little for a hotdog, or where all the blood markets are.

“Like, two weeks ago,” Eddie finally answers.

Jeff looks surprised but it’s not actually that bad, people with vampirism can go up to 4 to 5 weeks without blood. 

It’s not the same as those vampires from movies and books, they still eat food and they can stand in the sun with just minor cases of sunburn. There’s also the light sensitivity, making them all look like assholes wearing sunglasses everywhere.

Also, they are not allergic to garlic. Which, thank the heavens because Eddie loves garlic, a lot.

There’re a couple of side effects that do come in handy sometimes, like augmented hearing and smell. And the healing spit is super weird but nifty. No super strength regrettably, that would’ve been awesome.

Anyways, it’s like they have super anemia or something.

“I went to a blood bar, hooked up with some dude but. I didn't have a good time, at all. I kind of don't want to go back to bars for a while,” He elaborates and when Jeff frowns worried, he shakes his head,

“No, not like that. It’s just… the dude was like way too into it, you know? It kinda freaked me out.”

“What do you mean? Don't you find it hot? When you feed?” Jeff asks him, curious. 

Eddie nods quickly, “Yes, of course I do! It can be really sexy with the right person, but this guy, he was like- like way too loud and like, he was faking it? I don’t for who, though. And halfway through it, I started getting worried I’d accidentally hired someone instead of just hooked up and I didn’t have any money, and then I started thinking about money and my dick-”

“Ok! Ok, I get it.” Jeff thankfully interrupts him. “Dude, why didn’t you say something, I know of a place. I didn’t mention it before because it’s kind of boujee and handles itself a little differently.” 

“Oh? Do tell” Eddie tells him excitedly, he loves going to new places, especially if they are weird.

“Well, it’s real private, like ‘can’t get in unless you are on the list’ private. And it’s run by this girl. Blonde little thing, super cute. Scary as fuck. Everyone calls her ‘The Boss’” he says doing air quotes.

“Dramatic, I like it.” Eddie smiles.

Jeff chuckles, “So the gist of it it’s you go there and just hang out normally, like any other kind of bar. The place is beautiful, the music is good, and the drinks are delicious. But what's interesting about this place is the hostesses,” he says and even does a little pause for effect before continuing, “Similar to a blood bar there’re people there willing to be fed on but what’s cool about it is they get to choose.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows, “That sounds kind of fun, actually.”

“Right? And it feels, safer somehow? For them?” Jeff agrees and Eddie nods and smiles at him, waiting for him to keep going.

“Anyway, the hostesses choose and then you get to go upstairs and talk through what you want to happen, just feeding, sex, talking, anything they agree to, it's on the table. I once ended up just playing a game of Uno with the girl I fed on and two other hostesses that hadn't picked anyone that night.” he finishes and Eddie laughs delightedly.

“Ok, this place sounds amazing, what’s the catch?” 

“Well, you have to pay an entry fee, the drinks are expensive and there’s always the possibility you’ll leave empty-handed. The first time is free though,” Jeff says.

“Like drugs,” Eddie replies and Jeff nods solemnly, 

“You know the hostesses can be kind of addicting.” 

…

That night, on the way there, Jeff tells him they have to sign a guest list at the entrance,

“No one uses their real name, not because the place is shady or anything! But because they want to leave that choice to us and the hostesses if you ever get too close with one. It's not like, frowned upon.”

Eddie nods listening intently, he feels kind of nervous in a way he hasn't in a while, but he’s not sure why.

“Also, secret nicknames are fun! I’m known as Jay there. So please don’t dox me. Or yourself.” Jeff tells him.

After careful consideration, Eddie smiles and says, “I’ll be… Strider”

“Nerd”

“Shut up, you are just jealous you didn't come up with it yourself”

Jeff laughs, “You got me there,” he says, and then, “We are here” and he opens a big glass windowed door and vows to Eddie, inviting him in.

Eddie chuckles and enters and immediately almost runs into someone—a tall, massive guy with short curly hair and the shadow of a beard.

“Hey freak,” Jeff greets calmly, “He’s with me,”

Eddie cringes at the nickname, bad memories from high school bullying. But the dude just nods and gives Jeff the tiniest of smiles, so he figures it’s the nickname the bouncer chose for himself.

They enter and sign their name in the guest book, a girl about their age with dirty blond hair and hundreds of freckles on her nose and cheeks is there and she asks Eddie a couple of questions. Not in a weird way, but in a ‘you are new and I’m curious’ kind of way.

Eddie feels comfortable and excited as they go in.

Jeff was right, the place is beautiful. The lobby leads to a big room with high ceilings and fake candle-lit lamps. The chairs and tables are antiques and all different but roughly the same time period so they look good together. There’re old signs and posters from all kinds of drinks and different products adorning the walls. And the music is instrumental and oldie too, sounds like probably 40s or 50s.

It is incredibly boujee. But in a fun way, cozy and warm.

They get a seat at a small round table in a corner and Jeff lets Eddie look around for a while before asking,

“So? Weird right? It’s like stepping into another time,”

Eddie snorts, “Yeah, one that has no idea which time period it wants to repre- who is that?”

Jeff looks at where Eddie is looking and sighs, “Of course you noticed Sunshine,”

“Sunshine?” Eddie sighs.

“That’s what they call him. Because apparently he smells like flowers and summer and tastes like orgasms or something,” Jeff says amused rolling his eyes.

The guy, Sunshine, is probably the prettiest person he’s ever seen in his life, definitely the most beautiful man in this room. His face is a contradiction of sharp and round angles that is just absolutely perfect, and he’s wearing a black suit that clings to his body like a second skin, showing off his big shoulders and his tiny waist. He’s looking around the room with big, brown eyes that look bored as he leans against a wall like he’s above it all, he’s a fucking dream.

Eddie swallows audibly and looks smirking at Jeff for a second before his eyes drift back to the man, “Tastes like what, you said” he teases and Jeff snorts.

“Not that anyone would know, as far as I know, he’s never taken anyone upstairs,” he tells Eddie in a conspiratory tone.

That makes him incredibly curious, “Really? Why is he still here then?”

“I don’t know for sure, mostly rumors but he’s the boss’s favorite, that’s for sure. Oh!” Jeff exclaims and then nods his head to a girl sitting on the other side of the room, in a big fancy-looking chair that looks more like a throne than a simple piece of furniture.

She’s got blonde hair up in a ponytail and she’s wearing a flowery dress but there's something about the way she looks around the room, something about the way people walk around her and look at her, with respect or fear, or maybe both. She’s fucking intimidating.

While Eddie’s looking, the girl from the front desk, with the freckles, comes to sit on a small stool beside the “throne”, there’s another one on the other side that’s empty. The blonde girl moves her hand towards freckles and she kisses it and then her shoulder and smiles as she leans in closer and starts whispering to her.

It’s kind of surreal. 

“That’s The Boss, and the girl from the entrance, that’s Sparrow. She’s her girl.” Jeff explains.

“Respect for looking scary in a sundress,” Eddie comments.

And Jeff nods, “Anyways my theory is, Sunshine is actually just a bodyguard and not a hostess but the people that come here like to think they actually have a chance with him, so no one says anything to the contrary.”

Eddie snorts and nods, it makes sense. It's actually very good marketing, just like the ‘the first one is free’ thing. That boss girl is really smart with her business.

Jeff and he get a few drinks and they chat calmly, Jeff isn't looking to go upstairs tonight, he only came by to accompany Eddie and Eddie knows he should be looking around, trying to make eye contact with someone, but he can stop staring at Sunshine.

He even looked at their table at one point, and Eddie thought he was going to faint. He was scanning the room as he apparently does every couple of minutes when he caught Jeff’s eye and Jeff lifted his hand in greeting.

And Sunshine’s face completely transformed, his bored calculating expression changed into a beautiful smile that made his eyes shine. He wiggled his fingers at Jeff cutely before going back to looking like fucking Droopy Dog. If Droopy was the sexiest motherfucker alive. It was amazing to see.

Eddie’s jaw almost hit the table and he turned to look at Jeff stunned and he just shrugged,

“Sunshine was one of the hostesses I ended up playing Uno with. He’s fucking vicious,” he says smiling at the memory.

Eddie chuckles as his eyes follow Sunshine moving across the room, he just can't. Stop. Looking.

But the thing is, Sunshine is looking back now. Keeping eye contact with him obviously and unashamed. It’s thrilling and it makes shivers run down his spine.

He watches as Sunshine sits on the stool on the other side of The Boss’s throne and grabs her hand and holds it, intertwining their fingers. 

The Boss and her girl turn and look at him and the three of them start whispering, looking at him.

“Dude,” he says and turns to Jeff to see if he’s seeing what he’s seeing.

Jeff looks from him to the whispering party, “Un fucking believable, first time here and tonight is the night Sunshine is taking someone upstairs” he says looking fed up, but clearly in a joking manner.

“Is that what you think it’s happening? No way,” Eddie shakes his head as Sparrow says something that makes The Boss chuckle but Sunshine speaks up and she sobers up immediately. Curious.

“He’s looking right at you, he probably went to ask Sparrow about you,” Jeff insists.

“Maybe he’s looking at you”

“He’s seen me before,” Jeff scoffs.

He’s about to reply but their conversation gets interrupted by someone shily clearing their throat. A girl, a hostess, is looking at him with curious eyes, and shit… she’s cute and looks like a nice person but, Eddie can’t- he needs to know what those looks from Sunshine meant.

He needs him.

He looks back at the group quickly to see Sunshine and The Boss in deep conversation and Sparrow… is she glaring at him?

He rejects the girl, as nicely as possible and Jeff scoffs and murmurs ‘unbelievable’ under his breath again as Eddie turns to look back at Sunshine.

Who is walking toward them, holy shit.

“Holy shit,” Jeff says and then moves to stand. Eddie grabs his wrist and tries to pull him back.

“Wait what are you doing, dont-” But Jeff frees himself and starts walking away,

“Good luck!” He sings songs and then leaves him alone.

part 1: you are here

part 2: 👄

part 3: 🩸

bonus content: ☀️

ao3: 🌙

art: 🦇

coffee?☕🥐💕

[lizthewriter]

fresh out the slammer / theodore nott

PAIRING  ex!theo nott x divorcee!reader

SUMMARY  post divorce, you decide to move back to england to move on from your late husband. america reminded you far too much of him, but you don't know anyone in england to take you in until you find a flat. other than your ex-boyfriend, theodore nott.

QUOTE  "now pretty baby, i'm running back home to you, / fresh out the slammer, i know who my first call will be too," - fresh out the slammer by taylor swift

WORD COUNT  2.1K

WRITTEN   7.18.2024

you didn't know who else to call when you came back to england. it was expensive to room at a hotel or something similar, so you called an old . . . friend. or maybe more than friend. definitely more than friend.

as you exited the interior of heathrow airport, you made your way to arrivals. your eyes searched the crowd of families and couples happily greeting each other as they departed on their journeys. you felt like a bundle of nerves - you hadn't seen theo in years, not since your regretted post-break up hookup. one that had been humiliating and embarrassing and so shameful for the both of you that you hadn't spoken since. but he was your only friend in england who had responded to your messages.

your eyes fell upon him, finally, looking as well-dressed and collected as ever. he leaned casually against his car, watching you intently. as your eyes met his, he sent you two-fingered salute in greeting, pushing himself off the vehicle to approach you.

"hi," you said breathlessly, nervously, a chuckle leaving your locked lips. you couldn't seem to find much more to say, a bombardment of old emotion overtaking your psyche.

"hello," he responded, his tone nothing but gentle and nostalgic. the both of you shared a look, filled with old memories of the moments you shared, flickers of memories that are now light with the weight they once carried.

the both of you quickly snapped out of it.

"i should probably put this-"

"let me take your bag and-"

the both of you laughed as you stumbled over each other's words. theo took your bag and suitcase, loading them into the trunk before opened the passenger-side car door for you. always the gentleman, he was.

the start of the car ride was filled with awkward smiles and brushes of hands. as theo pulled out the airport, you found a radio station you liked and sat back in your seat, trying to get comfortable despite how tense you were.

"so . . . you were married?" your shocked glance spoke more than the broken sounds leaving your mouth. you had never told him that. "i know, you didn't tell me, i noticed the tan line on your ring finger. your skin is lighter where a ring would have been. so either, you were married or you're married but separated."

you cleared your throat, sitting straighter. "divorced. the papers went through about a week ago. i'm not suprised you noticed . . . you always had a very keen eye, theo." his old nickname rolled off your tounge like smooth, rich honey. it was like trying on your favorite pair of pants - they were molded to fit you and you alone from the years of use. just like that little old nickname.

"i don't mean to pry," he mumbled, diverting his eyes from the road to send you a worried glance. "i'm sorry, that must have been . . . difficult."

"it was," you whispered softly. it wasn't so much that the divorce was difficult, that was perhaps the easiest part for you. the marriage was the issue - he never treated you right. never liked you wanted, never like you had been. maybe that's why you had never loved him entirely. maybe that's why it had been so easy to separate, to pack your bags, move back home, with - well, with your ex-boyfriend. who you had to admit, you had never stopped thinking about, even if he was only a lingering smell or sight within the depths of your memory. "but i've moved on. i like to think moving home will bring back some of my old self . . . as well as a new start. thank you for letting me stay while i look for a flat, i really really appreciate it."

"please, it was no problem," theo responded humbly. "anything i could do to help . . . you."

-

"your flat is colossal!" you exclaimed, letting out an envious groan at the breathtaking view of london from his flat. your eyes wandered the dull, copy-and-paste monochrome room which theo somehow made feel homey with his choice in warm, wooden furniture. his stylish choice of leaving books on practically ever surface also aided in the apperance of making his apartment feel like a home. it suited him, you thought. "you've made quite the life for yourself, theo. i'm proud. i'd always knew you'd do well in life."

"yes, well, as much as i adore my flat, life is not all about luxury pools and garden roofs," he responded with a simpleton's smile. he made his way toward the staircase and gestured for you to follow. he showed you to your guest room, where he had already taken the initiative to leave out a variety of towels, bath necessities, snacks, and more.

"aw, you made me a welcome basket without the basket," you said jokingly, clutching your heart with mock sympathy. "thank you," you told him, with much more sincerity in your voice this time around. "really, you didn't have to go out of your way to do this for me."

"really, it was no problem. besides, it's nice to have company . . . for once." he awkwardly knocked on the dresser by the door and took a step back. "well, i will let you unpack. i'm cooking dinner soon and no, it is not a big deal, i cook dinner everyday anyways. i'll let you know when it's ready. all right? sooo... just relax."

-

theo poured generous amounts of wine into two classes, one for each of you. he say across from you at his charming dining table, taking a small sip of his drink and shutting his eyes as he appreciated it's unique taste. letting out a content sigh, he returned his gaze to you. "are you doing all right, considering . . . well."

you felt awkward discussing this with him. your divorce. as though it were rude or inappropriate to do so. "i, um, i already know it was ending long before the relationship ended so by the time it was all over, i think i got over most of it. i'm just happy to be back home. home being england - not that this doesn't feel like a home, it does, it's just not . . . my home and now i'm blabbering and this is really weird," you said with a chuckle, digging into the beautiful meal theo had cooked for both of you.

"you always do that when you're nervous," theo said lightly, an affection to his tone. "there's nothing to be nervous about." with a few taps of his phone, the room was bathed in the smooth saxophone and jaunty piano of 50s jazz that you both loved so much. "relax. it's all right."

"how have you . . . been? i hear you're making your way up in parliament. they talk about you in the news now. i remember when the only way i'd hear about you was during uni, when your best friend would run to my dorm to tell me you'd gotten black-out drunk," you recounted with a reminiscent chuckle, taking a sip of wine.

"ah yes, blaise," theo grinned widely at the mention of his best friend. "he'd always have my back. and if he didn't, he knew you would."

"do you remember that one time you both had taken shots of fire whiskey and stole every whiteboard marker from all the classrooms in the humanities building and hid them in secret locations, and then when you woke up, forced me to come help you search all across campus to find them and put them back before class started on monday?"

his expression softened, his eyes crinkling as he remembered his university days of tomfoolery and shenanigans. "i'm suprised you remember . . . university was so long ago."

"it was when i was happiest," you replied with a soft smile, meeting his eyes and glancing away from him uncertainly. you let out a nervous chuckle, taking another bite of your food. he was still . . . just how you remembered him. it didn't matter that he was some important government man now, he was still the same theo you knew.

"have you found a job here yet?" he asked. despite our small talk and the music flowing through the room, it somehow felt completely silent.

"erm, no, not yet. i've been looking, but you know how hard it is."

theo stared at you for a long moment before wiping his face and standing up from his chair. "get up," he said to you with that signature grin of his - it was obvious in his eyes, he was planning something.

"what?" you asked with a laugh.

he approached you, grabbing your fork from your hand and placing it delicately beside your half-eaten dinner. he held out his hand to you. "up. we're going to dance, loosen up a bit. like old times, yeah?"

the phrase like old times brought back a number of memories, all from the time when the two of you were still together. the late nights wrapped in each other's arms, tipsy and laughing so hard you'd fall to the floor. later, sitting on the windowsill and discussing deep topics in great length. early morning, the sun rising over the horizon just as your back arched, slumping back into the sheets. the smell of moscato and cigarettes.

you tried to remind yourself, that was a long time ago, as you took his hand.

he swept you off your feet, twirling you around until you were wrapped in his arms, your back against his chest, as he swayed you to and fro. his head rested against your shoulder, his breath tickling the very edge of your collarbone. "small talk is all so . . . needless, isn't it?" he asked, scrunched his nose up.

"yeah," you responded with a chuckle. he spun you back out and grabbing your hand, pulling you close so you were face to face, waltzing across the kitchen floor. "this is much better."

you didn't need to talk. you only needed to feel. theo hummed to the tune of the music and you closed your eyes, swaying with him.  "you're still amazing at dancing - i'm afraid i've grown clumsy out of practice," you told him as you almost tripped over his foot.

"yet i still somehow seem the same elegant and sophisticated woman before me," theo responded with a grin and an arch of his brow.

"i wouldn't use those two words to describe me in university." you grimaced as your mind was filled with images of all your most embarrassing university moments.

"well, you smart and beautiful and had this moxie." he had such passion in his tone - it felt like university again with each passing minute. "like the leading lady of any black-and-whife film. like . . . hedy lamar!"

"you flatter me, theodore nott," you said, waving him away with an embarrassed flush of your cheeks. the music swooned through your ears, the artist singing about true love, and the both of you fell into silence. your eyes somehow always found a way to meet up again, but quickly they separated like two schoolchildren in love. "you're not so much different either. just as witty and polished as the day we met."

"you mean i haven't grown handsome in my old age?" he questioned in a dry, mock sense of hurt. "you wound me. i really thought this peppered look was working well for me."

"it is," you sputtered out, both to comfort him and to be honest, but once you said it, it felt much more like an admission of feelings than anything. you blushed and stared down at your feet. "i mean, it - um - you look really great."

"you look great too." when you raised your head, finally meeting his eyes once more, something electric passed through the both of you. the awkward tension from the past day had finally built up against a dam, broke through the wall, and exploded into a river of unexplored territory.

before long, he was leading you to his bedroom, hands desperately clutching your cheeks as he rougishly pressed his lips against yours. clothes were discarded, glances were shared, and by the end of the night, you were tangled in each other's arms. like old times.

"this makes things complicated . . . doesn't it?" theo asked, trailing his finger across your bare back.

you stretched your neck to turn and observe him. your hand outstretched, you placed it upon his cheek and rubbed it soothingly. "it doesn't have to be complicated, theo. i . . . i want you."

"i want you too," he replied, leaning forward and pressing a not-so-chaste kiss to the interior of your collarbone. "in every way i can have you. sleep here tonight?"

"for you, theo. only for you."