#fighting for my life trying to put together today's update

[cinamun]

On this day in TFA - March 21st

4 years ago today, Darren and Indya finally decided to live together after years of living in separate apartments, sparking a chain of events that would ultimately lead to their marriage.

[phan3145]

Title: Slippery Slope. Fandom: Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. Rating: T. ( Cursing, Implications, Intensity) Pairing: Eventual Noa x Human!Reader.

***Notes: Sorry I haven’t updated in a hot minute everyone. Life has been kicking my butt as well as my husband’s. We had to prioritize, and then afterward I didn’t feel like writing. Not promising regular updates again, but I am consistently working on this. As always, thank you for your support and kind comments. I love you all.

Chapter 13: Not the First

You

You had gone to bed last night, stomach burning and body restless from the day that had transpired. The only comfort had been that Micheal apparently did not care about Anaya’s scent all over you the way the apes cared about his. He had snuggled in close to you as you laid there, thinking about how you would handle the balancing act between the two- no three, species moving forward. Anaya accepted Micheal, at least he stopped trying to kill him once he knew you cared about him. If Noa knew you cared about Micheal, maybe he would also leave him alone? Maybe, he could understand you caring about another animal? He cared about you, didn’t he? At least a little bit. Certainly enough to come talk to you after a fight.

That had caused you to toss and turn even more, not really knowing why Noa had shown up. Maybe he had still been angry, but seeing the situation with you and Anaya had distracted him enough to let it go temporarily. You could only imagine what you had looked like, the definition of sheer panic coming to mind. Noa had always been attentive to your feelings…he probably did push his anger to the side when he saw you were scared. You believed he did anyway, that was just the way he was. Caring, patient, and understanding to a fault.

That thought only served to remind you that the next morning you needed to face him. You needed to apologize for hitting him, maybe talk about the future between you and the clan. You were obviously putting him in a tight spot with the elders. That’s not even speaking about the rock and hard place you were placing Anaya in by having him keep your secret. The elders expected you to show yourself…you had no idea how you would manage that either. If Soona, Anaya, and Noa were there with you, then you should have no trouble feeling safe, but there was something else that made you shudder at the thought. You had this feeling you would be losing something, this small peace you found with your three ape friends. That small, fragile peace built on mutual respect and trust.

You had scoffed at that. Today was an example of how easily trust could be broken, but also re-built. In all fairness, the apes never really expected much from you. Noa even took great pains to make it clear to you that you could always say no. If they asked you to do something you didn’t want to, they wouldn’t force you…but this Caesar Council was a different animal all together. Anaya wanted you to be a part of it, which meant you would be a part of the clan…even if it was indirectly. Either way, it changed things. Anaya said Noa had created new laws, and this council was one of them. That would need to be something you discussed with Noa down the road…probably not tomorrow.

You had almost rambled yourself to sleep at that point, when your eyes had flown open wide and you realized you never decided when you would meet Noa at the rock. Anaya had simply said he would show him where it was. You had groaned and snuggled in deeper under your blanket, knowing you had an early start the next morning.

So here you were, sunbathing on your chunk of safety in the middle of the creek. You were soaking wet from your swim, making sure to scrub away Micheal’s scent as you made your way to your rock. Thankfully, you had sense enough to wear a dirty top that needed to be washed anyway, as well as your singular pair of shorts your reserved for the extreme heats of summer. This summer had not been too bad so far, but today the garment served a new purpose of keeping your modesty while you swam. You would not be caught naked in front of Noa like you had with Anaya. You knew he hadn’t seen anything of course, but you still were not going to repeat your actions and risk the possibility of Noa seeing you naked.

You rubbed at your eyes, a yawn sneaking up on you as you became more comfortable. You were sure Noa didn’t care about your body anymore than Anaya did, but it was the principle of the matter. Humans and their pride…not that you had much to begin with. Still, you clung to the slivers you did have.

You had just fully settled in, sleep creeping along the edges of your consciousness, the early morning sun warming you perfectly, when you heard the hoots of apes. You stretched, turning your head to glance to your right, but did not see hide nor hair of Noa or Anaya. This confused you at first. Did you imagine the noise? You closed your eyes again, only to have them fly open when you heard it again. This time, it was to your left…on the other side of the creek.

You froze for a moment, daring to turn your head at a snails pace to your left. The noises were clearer now. While you were sure they were chimpanzee hoots, they definitely did not sound like gorilla noises, you were still uneasy. Once your head was fully turned, you were surprised to still hear the noises, but see nothing on the other side of the creek.

You sat up slowly, hesitantly, confusion spiking as you looked left, then right once more. Nothing. You pushed yourself up onto your knees, frantically searching for the source of the sounds. You swiveled around on the dry stone, turning in a full circle as your eyes desperately scanned for something that simply wasn’t there. Were you going crazy? You swore you could hear ape noises. You stopped, closing your eyes and listening more intently.

There!

It was coming from your left, as you originally thought, but no matter how hard you looked, you could not see anyone approaching. The tree line was clear up and down stream. Still, you heard the noises, and the longer you heard them, the more pitiful they sounded. Was someone in pain? Were they hurt? What if they were calling for help? You rose into a standing position, practically on tip-toe, blocking the sun from your eyes with your hands in an attempt to see better.

Finally, you spotted the smallest of movements along the bank. It seemed it was just a baby chimpanzee, crouched down on the edge of the creek among the bushes. You felt your lips turn down into a frown, the scared looking chimp tugging at your heartstrings. How did they get here? Why were they all alone? You opened your mouth to call out to them, but immediately stopped yourself, dropping back down to plaster yourself flat against the rock.

No baby would be left alone like this.

You suddenly felt very exposed, creeping yourself back to the edge of the rock before quietly lowering your body back into the water. You stayed behind the rock, on the opposite side of the chimp, who did not seem to be aware of your presence at all. You peaked around the edge, wanting to keep an eye out, but not wanting to be seen. You couldn’t leave the baby alone, but you were still wary to approach them, lest an angry mother burst through the clearing and see you as a threat.

You waited silently, patiently. After a few more minutes of the chimp hooting and no one coming, you heard the noises change. It sounded like- were they…crying? Could apes cry? You floated there, transfixed by the tiny chimp, who curled its arms around itself and sat there sobbing. You fought the urge to reveal yourself, but in the end your heart overruled your head. The chimp was just a baby, you couldn’t leave them there alone and scared.

You carefully maneuvered around the rock, making your way towards the sobbing baby on the bank. You stopped when you felt muddy earth between your toes, water still up to your chest. You called out softly, so as not to scare them, “Do you need help? Are you lost?”

Your soft and careful voice did nothing to soothe the chimp, who jumped back from the edge and started screeching louder. You winced, muscles tensing and nerves screaming at you to swim away and leave. Something in your brain decided against that though, your hands coming up from the water to quickly sign, Friend. No hurt. Safe. Need help?

The baby went silent before you even signed the question, staring at you as if you suddenly became the most fascinating thing they had ever seen. You watched their eyes dart from your hands, to your eyes, to your body in the water, and back to your hands. You repeated the four phrases, wondering if they understood sign yet or if they were too young. Then, after another moment of intense staring, they raised their hand. It was hesitant, but they signed, Alone. Help. Afraid.

You swallowed, “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Another moment of hesitation, then a nod and a signed, Yes.

“Okay,” you took a deep breath. “I’m going to come to you. I’m going to walk up to the bank and sit with you. Alright?”

They nodded again.

You returned the nod, slowly walking up the incline until you made it to the edge. The baby did not seem to realize how big you were, head tilting back as you continued to approach. When they could no longer lean back they scrambled to their feet, crouched on all fours before backing up a few steps. You couldn’t blame them, Micheal was easily twice their size. You ran a hand through your wet hair, body slipping down into a sitting position before you crossed your legs. You didn’t want to frighten them anymore than you already had, so you sat and waited. After a moment or two the chimp made their way to you, knuckles brushing against your exposed thigh. They flinched back immediately, as if you would strike at them like a cobra. You let out a breath, trying to smile as you signed, Friend. Safe. Protect.

The furrowed brows and downturned mouth of the chimp eased into something more neutral, more curious, as they decided to climb into your lap. You fought the intense urge to lock up and stiffen your muscles in preparation for an attack. You tried instead to think of the baby as if they were Micheal. They were more open than him though, pinching and pulling at your wet clothes in fascination. That didn’t hold their attention for long though, as they poked at the meat of your upper arms. That forced a giggle out of you, watching them get closer and continue to poke the exposed flesh.

You bit your lip in concentration then, fighting off more laughter, “Do you know where your parents are?”

The chimp paused only long enough to shake their head.

You blew air out of your mouth then in a slow exhale, “Do you have a name?”

The chimp paused, making a gesture over and over that you did not understand. You shook your head, trying to explain that you did not understand. The chimp pouted, opening up their mouth suddenly in a widely comical elongated fashion. You heard a few intakes of air before they huffed and screeched, “E…E…E.”

The loud noise was shrill against your ears. You winced slightly, holding up the hand they weren’t clutching onto, “Okay, okay, easy there. Don’t strain yourself. You can’t talk yet, that’s okay. E is good enough for me.”

E nodded once, puffing their cheeks, before they continued to poke and jab at your arm. You became increasingly confused, watching them and trying to parcel out the reason. Then, they noticed the fascination in their gaze as they dragged a finger down your arm in a slow push. You saw your skin lighten in color from the pressure before darkening again, and you smiled. The color change was something they had probably never seen in an ape before. You let them play to their hearts content, so focused on them that you had lost track of your surroundings.

Then someone called your name.

You snapped your head up, finding Soona standing a few feet in front of you, an unfamiliar Eagle perched on her arm. You breathed a sigh of relief as she began to screech and hoot in delight, “You…found her.”

“Her?” You parroted.

Soona pointed to chimp in your arms, who seemed happier, but reluctant to leave your side. The Eagle on Soona’s arm was given a signal and quickly flew away as she explained, “Wandered off…have been searching…long time.”

Your brow furrowed at that, “Wandered off? Your village is far from here, how did she get this far by herself?”

Soona shook her head, trudging over towards you and practically falling down next to you. She seemed exhausted. “Not from…village…from group of…younglings…upstream.”

Soona held out a hand, which the smaller ape happily grasped a finger of. When Soona reached for her though, E gave a small shout of protest before moving to the opposite side of your body. Soona looked surprised, the young ape becoming fascinated now with your wet, matted hair. She stood on two legs, leaning against your chest for balance as she pulled and tugged at the strands. You winced slightly, but chuckled good naturedly as you locked eyes with Soona.

She broke eye contact for a moment, gaze turning towards the empty forest off to the side. Before you could ask if something was wrong, her attention was back on you, head tilting slightly as she asked, “You are…better…than yesterday?”

You shrugged a shoulder, catching E starting to braid the pieces of your hair that were almost dry. “I guess. I hope you know that I never meant to offend you, or your clan. I’m sorry if you were expecting me and I never showed. I just wasn’t…prepared to see your village.”

Soona hummed, “Noa…should have told you…should have told us…sooner…I am…sorry…that apes have not…always been kind…to you.”

E tilted her head up then, her question obvious though she could not voice it. You shook your head, “There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. It wasn’t you who was un-kind to me. You, Anaya, and Noa have been nothing but kind to me…for the most part.”

“You are…still angry…with Noa?” Soona asked carefully.

You puffed out a long breath, thinking, snickering as E did her best to mimic your noise. You pulled more hair from your back to your front, noticing she enjoyed braiding. You hoped it would keep her distracted from the conversation, “Can anyone truly stay mad at Noa?”

Soona seemed to brighten at this, but chose to remain silent as you continued, “I understand why he did what he did. I don’t like it, but I understand it. The real problem that day…well…it’s just…. I know there are barriers between our species. It’s more than just speech, and I…I mean, these problems probably have carried over from hundreds of years of differences. You three have been great, but the part that upsets me is that Noa seems to choose to ignore the fact that apes and humans don’t normally co-exist peacefully. We do, but I’ve also experienced the other end of the spectrum between our species. And Noa just…”

Soona hummed, “Think he…does not see…the differences…in you…but you cannot help…but see them…in us.”

You hesitated, but ultimately nodded in agreement. “I don’t hold being apes against you or your clan, I just…wish he understood what it feels like. To not know if you can trust the person- ape, next to you. To not know if they are going to turn on you, betray you, or even hurt you.”

E, who you assumed had been distracted by her task, stopped immediately. She looked up at you then, a soft coo leaving her as she patted your shoulder. You snorted, using a single finger to mirror her actions. She hooted in clear amusement, leaning her head into your shoulder, rubbing her face against you before sliding down into your lap. She seemed tired now, curling into your side and closing her eyes. You felt a smile slowly creep onto your face, carefully using two fingers to stroke the top of the chimp’s head. She snuggled in closer then, gripping tightly onto your shirt as tears threatened your vision and you thought your heart was actually going to explode.

Get a grip.

Your hormones must be crazy right now. At least, that’s what you told yourself, as you brushed a hand along the loose braids along your shoulder. Soona, as she tends to do, had remained quiet during this exchange. She studied you, noticing how emotional you had become, scenting the air quietly before admitting, “Noa does know…what it is like…to be betrayed.”

This surprised you, your attention quickly brought back to the present conversation. Your eyebrows rose, curiosity peaked as you asked, “By a fellow ape?”

Soona shook her head, causing confusion to drown your mind until she spoke, “By a…Echo…you are not the first…that could speak…that Noa has met.”

You felt your jaw go slack, trying to contain your excitement as you asked, “There are other humans around who can speak?”

“There was one,” Soona answered, lips pursed as she noted your disappointment. “We do not know…where she went…left five seasons ago…have not seen her since…her name was…Mae.”

You nodded, urging Soona to continue, “What happened with Mae? You said she…betrayed Noa? How?”

Soona sighed, “We do not…normally speak of her…she was a source…of much pain and…confusion for Noa…think…you should know.”

You waited, allowing Soona to collect her thoughts. “There was ape…Proximus…he was king of apes…he searched for Mae…killed other humans that…were with her…wanted to get inside…a human vault…it held great weapons…that would make Proximus…more powerful.”

A shiver ran down your spine, remembering the ape Sylva that Anaya had spoken of. He never mentioned this Proximus ape though. Wanting a better idea of the situation you asked, “Who was Sylva to Proximus?”

Soona seemed completely surprised you knew that name, but nevertheless answered, “Sylva was…his General…not sure if that is an ape word…or a human word.”

You swallowed, “It’s human…Proximus seems to have already been an advanced ape.”

Soona curled more into herself then, “He was….we all were afraid…if not for Noa…and Mae…Eagle Clan would not…be here.”

“Proximus ordered your clan to be stolen, and Sylva carried out his orders.” You connected the dots then, “What happened to Proximus?”

“Noa stopped him,” Soona answered without hesitation.

This surprised you. You were aware that Noa killed Sylva, but Proximus as well? Noa did not seem like he was violent, or capable of such great strengths. You assumed he had killed Sylva, a gorilla, by outsmarting him…but Proximus? How? Was Noa secretly more dangerous than you gave him credit for?

Soona grunted then, pulling you out of your thoughts, “Noa says…Mae hid from Proximus…in our village…Noa accidentally…lead them to us…the entire clan was taken…Noa tracked us…for many days…Mae followed…Noa did not know she could speak…until she called his name…Sylva was close…she was scared…she chose Noa as…lesser of the two apes…to fear.”

“So, she lied.” You offered, “Noa was betrayed by her traveling with him but he didn’t know she could speak, or that Proximus was hunting her.”

Soona nodded, “More than that…when Noa and Mae…were taken to Proximus…he learned she shared…the same goal…as Proximus…she wanted to…get inside…get a book…that could help humans…learn to speak…again.”

“That…” you hesitated. You wondered how much to say. A book could not bring back human’s ability to speak. You either were immune or you were not…unless there was a record of some sort. Maybe a cure…a vaccine? Had humans halfway across the world developed their salvation but been unable to share it with anyone outside the vault?

You remembered your vault constantly sending out a signal using the available satellites orbiting Earth, but they never received a response. So much had been lost to time…and if there had been a cure all along? You swallowed the bile in your throat at the thought of how many millions died over time who couldn’t even speak.

You shook your head, “That sounds incredible. Did she find what she was looking for?”

Soona nodded, “Noa helped…we helped her…but she…did not help the clan.”

You tilted your head, “What do you mean?”

Soona huffed, clearly agitated, “The reason…we do not…speak of her…she flooded Proximus’ kingdom…killed many apes…in the process…then ran away.”

“I’m sorry…” It was the only thing you could think to say as silence engulfed the both of you.

“Noa…” Soona began, attention once again towards the forest at your backs. You waited, brows raised as Soona turned back to you. “Noa was…different…after meeting Mae…is different…with you…now.”

Something about that sentence sent chills down your spine. There was many implications, and you chose to ask the most obvious of them, “Does Noa think I’ll turn out to be like Mae? That I’ll betray him? Hurt him or the clan? Is that why he’s always watching me, always careful around me?”

Soona shook her head, “Noa knows…you are not like Mae…you are…what he wished…Mae was…wants to make sure…he does not become….like Mae…to you.”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair, “I…I threw a rock at him yesterday. I made a mistake…I already hurt him. He shouldn’t think that I’m not like her…I could be. I’m human after all.”

“Human…” Soona began, hand coming to rest on your shoulder. “Does not mean bad…ape…does not mean good…Noa says…wants others to learn…we are better…stronger…good and bad…together…more alike…than either side…wants to speak of.”

Still cradling the sleeping E in your lap, you leaned your body into Soona’s, head coming to rest between her neck and her shoulder. Her hand slid from your shoulder to the back of your head, leaning in to return your half-hug as well. She patted your head a few times as you sighed, “Thank you, Soona.”

There was silence, peaceful this time. E breathed heavily in your lap from sleep, and the creek next to you trickled soothingly while the sun climbed higher in the sky. You took a deep breath, feeling more prepared to speak to Noa than you had been before. There was a distinct crack sound behind you, causing both you and Soona to turn.

You saw some leaves fall from a tree not to far back, but couldn’t make out anything more than that. You thought you saw movement for a moment, shielding your eyes with your hand once more, when Soona’s Eagle tore through the canopy and landed next to her on the ground. She stood too quickly then for your liking, looking upstream before turning back to you.

Her eyes were pleading, almost desperate as she said, “Do not…be scared…do not run.”

You were confused, until you heard the litter patter of many feet moving towards you. You leaned your body to see past Soona, body tensing and breath freezing at what you saw. Many apes, children from the looks of it, were running down stream towards the both of you. You suddenly did not want to be on the ground.

You carefully scooped E from your lap, holding her close to your chest as you practically leapt to your feet. Whether from being moved or the sudden frantic beat of your heart, E woke with a start. She began to hoot and squirm in your arms. You clutched her tighter to you, feeling your breathing become labored, taking a step or two back in fear. You didn’t get much further, Soona’s arm coming up to hold your arm.

You jerked towards her with frantic eyes. Hers were still calm, concerned as she tried to comfort you. “I am…here…trust.”

As the apes came closer, you swallowed hard, nodding a few times before taking a step closer, behind her. She hummed, screeching at the apes a few moments later. They came skidding to a stop in front of you, all of them transfixed, as if they had never seen a human before. You reasoned, that perhaps they hadn’t. You tried to take deep, discreet breaths to calm your nerves. None of them were taller than your waist, but the thought of so many surrounding you still made you nervous.

Suddenly, the biggest of the bunch stepped forward, sniffing at your feet for a moment before glancing up to meet your gaze. His held tilted in confusion as he demanded in a voice that sounded much younger than he looked, “Why does Eden…get to be carried…by the Echo?”

[gurugirl]

The Warning | bfd!harry

best friend's dad!harry x reader | forbidden relationship

Summary: You and Harry are trying to heal after coming clean to everyone and Mrs. Styles comes to you with a warning.

Word Count: 4.5k

Warning: 18+ only, smut, angst, mentions of cheating and divorce, age gap, an uncomfortable confrontation

Best Friend's Dad!Harry Masterlist

You missed the occasional texts from Fae. Goofy memes or links to TikTok videos she knew you’d like. Recipes for you two to try. Screenshots from conversations with guys on Tinder.

There was nothing but silence from her for weeks at that point. And being blocked by her on every social media site you two were both on was glaring. It hurt. But what could you do? You’d categorically fucked up. There was no coming back from what you’d done to her family.

Most of your mutual friends were on Fae’s side and had also blocked you. Which you deserved and expected to be honest.

Harry slowly moved his things in. It took a couple of weeks. Every time he went home he tried to go at a time he thought his wife, well, he was calling her his ex now, wasn’t going to be there.

But, that afternoon, when he came home after you���d just had the worst shift you’d ever had in your life he was clearly upset. On edge.

And even though you’d had a terrible day you wanted to make sure he was okay, “Hey, are you all right?” You hugged one of his arms to your body after he sat a box full of his things down.

He smiled at you and brushed his fingers up the back of your neck, “She was there. It was awful. She’s just so full of rage toward me. And I get it, but it took a lot out of me. Better now, though,” he dropped his face to yours to kiss your mouth.

His kisses and his touches always made you feel better too. It was like everything outside of your little apartment was crashing down around you both, but as long as you stayed inside together you’d be okay.

He told you how his day at work was and then you both sat down on the couch and cuddled together, “How was your day at work, baby? I haven’t asked how your day was yet.”

You placed your chin on the top part of his arm as you looked up at him, “Horrible. Caressa is really mean. I think she’s trying to make me quit.”

Harry’s brows pulled together as he wrapped his arms around you, “Really? What has she been doing?”

“Well, last night she put me at the back. I had too many tables and no one to help because the bussers and floaters don’t go into the back when the restaurant is busy. They usually have two people waiting at the back to cover things but I was by myself so it was really stressful and the people I served were getting impatient with me so my tips were awful. And today I only had 2 tables my entire shift so I barely made any tips at all. I asked her if she could give me at least one more when a group came in but she just stared at me and laughed like I was crazy for asking,” You frowned. “Oh, and she updated the schedule without telling me. She’s got me off for five days in a row where I was supposed to be working all those days.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this last night?” He rubbed his hand up and down your back.

“I just didn’t feel like rehashing it last night. Didn’t want to think about work at all.”

Harry pulled you into his body until you were sitting in his lap with your legs on one side. You rested your head on his chest and closed your eyes. Everything was better when you were with Harry.

“Quit your job. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. And if she’s trying to sabotage you then it’s not going to be worth it to fight for it when you’re not making tips anyway.”

You sighed. It already looked like that’s where it was heading. Caressa had been cold to you since she learned it was in fact Harry that she’d seen that day. Of course, she sided with her friend and started treating you like the tramp you were.

You and Harry made dinner together and then cleaned up the kitchen after eating, “Have you heard anything from Fae?” You asked.

Harry shook his head, “Not yet.”

You frowned, “I hope she comes around.”

“I think she will. Eventually.”

You hoped he was right.

When you’d both finally climbed into bed together you snuggled into Harry like you always did. And even with the stress of everything going on outside you two always found a way to unwind together and being intimate (which usually included sex) seemed to help you both calm down and sleep well through the night.

Harry’s hand dragged up and down your back, as you nosed at his shoulder with your thigh hitched over his hip, “I love you, baby. Can I make you feel better?”

You smiled in the dark, “I think we both need to feel better.”

Harry’s chuckle vibrated from his chest as he dropped his hand to your bottom and pushed at the fabric of your panties until they were down around your thighs.

He kissed you gently and ran his hand over your breasts and then downward to your labia.

You pushed at Harry’s underwear and slid your hand under the band and smoothed your palm over his cock.

With mouths connected you both gently got one another worked up. Harry’s fingers soon became messy with your slick arousal, and Harry’s cock hardened with the stimulation from your hand rubbing over his shaft.

“You want to be fucked, little girl,” Harry teased as he spoke against your lips.

“Yes, I do, Mr. Styles. Please.”

Harry groaned. He enjoyed it when you called him Mr. Styles or Sir. Lately, it had just been Harry as things seemed so serious with everything going on.

“Mmm… love that,” he smiled into the kiss as he pushed you down to your back and quickly rid himself of his underwear as you kicked yours the rest of the way down your legs.

He ran his tip through your pussy lips and inhaled deeply as he pushed into you. You felt yourself stretch around him and moaned in relief.

“It’s so good with you, sir. I need you,” you cooed.

Harry’s languid strokes long and deep always had you weak. You felt his fingers wrap around the back of your neck as he brought his mouth against yours with a whimper.

It might have been the quietest sex you’d ever had together. Harry kept his unhurried pace, deep and searing while he kissed you. Your body was on fire. You’d come soon.

But then his next words against your lips changed the mood and had your head spinning and your heart pounding, “Wanna be my wife? Have my babies, Y/n? Want to show everyone you’re mine?”

His harsh rut into you had you inhaling a sharp breath as your eyes popped open and you arched your back into him., “Yes, Harry…”

“Yeah? Wanna be my Mrs. Styles? Have your pussy fucked and filled every day?”

“God… fuck yes, Harry…” you groaned loudly and somehow you felt yourself grow wetter at his words.

“M’gonna give you a big ring and keep you properly fucked, baby. Okay? Show everyone this is real.”

His words were thick and deep and with his lips against yours, you could almost taste them. It made your mouth water. That you’d be his wife and get his cock every night. Prove everyone wrong. Give him a few babies. It was just a fantasy at that point but it sounded exactly like what you wanted.

“Oh my god…” you gasped. Harry was fucking into you harder and your bed began to rock and your quiet sex turned wet and loud. He still had his hand at the back of your neck, almost cradling your head as he gently squeezed and kissed you, his cock spreading you apart as he thrust deeply hips pasted to yours. “This is real. You and me,” you moaned.

You felt Harry begin to quiver over your body as he gasped, “Want all of you, baby. Want every inch of you to be mine.”

You nodded as the tip of your orgasm started to wind its way through your system, “Every inch of me is yours. From the first time you fucked me, Harry.”

He lifted himself slightly and pulled himself out to his tip before driving back into you, repeatedly fucking himself into you in punishing strokes.

You grunted at each plunge and clung to his love handles as you unraveled loudly.

“There you go,” he groaned, “Sweetest girl. Gonna give this to you every day, baby,” he began to thrust erratically, his hips swaying and grinding into you.

Your ears rang as your orgasm wiped you out. You heard Harry loudly moan in time with his thrusts just as began to come inside of you. You felt the sharp punches of his cock against your cervix as he unloaded himself within your pulsing walls. Just like you loved. The final moment of your orgasm with his long dick reaching into your cervix making you ache and swell as he throbbed and pumped into you.

You’d happily be his wife and give him babies and rub it in everyone’s face with how wrong they all were about you and Harry. This man was the love of your life.

.           .           .

“I can’t believe you’re hooking up with Fae’s dad,” Paloma whispered to you as you sat at the little table in your favorite café. A café you and Fae often met up at.

“Well, we’re not just hooking up. But yeah. I feel really bad about everything but...” you trailed off as you shrugged and took a bite of your pastry.

She nodded at you excitedly. Paloma was a mutual friend of yours and Fae’s. She was always closer to you, though. But when she found out about your affair (thanks to Fae) she called you to get the tea directly from the source.

“I always thought her dad was so hot. It’s crazy that this is real. That he left his wife for you? You know that’s not typical, right? Usually, affairs don’t wind up with the man leaving his wife for his side piece.”

 You cringed. You hated that was the perception. But you let it slide. You figured she wouldn’t exactly understand everything but it felt good to talk to someone about it who wasn’t your mother.

“I know. That’s why when we started everything it was just going to be like… not serious you know. We’d end things before it got to be too much. Before anyone found out or got hurt. But we both fell in love. I don’t know how we could have stopped it.”

“Fae despises you and her dad. When she called me I was confused because she never reaches out to me but then I realized she wanted to make sure as many people knew as possible,” Paloma laughed, “I mean… I was shocked but I’m still your friend. I can’t judge you for what you’ve done.”

“So you don’t think I’m a bad person?”

She chuckled, “Well, I don’t agree with what you did but I could never think you’re a bad person. You can’t help who you fall in love with.”

You drank your hot tea and tried to enjoy yourself with your friend but the longer you and Paloma chatted, the more you missed Fae. No one could replace Fae. She was your other half in so many ways.

“Can I ask you a really personal question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want.”

You shrugged, “Okay. Sure.” You had an idea of what she was going to ask based on the fact that you’d gotten onto the topic of birth control.

“Is he good? Now that I’m thinking about him like that I can imagine he is.”

You breathed out laughed through your nose and smiled as you looked down into your tea, “He’s good. Yes.” You weren’t sure how deep into it you wanted to get but you’d entertain her for a bit.

“And I bet he’s got a big… dick.” She whispered the word dick quietly.

That’s where you drew the line. You sipped your warm tea and turned your gaze to the corner of the room where someone was just taking their seat.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” she spoke, drawing your attention back to her.

“It’s okay. I’m not sure I want to talk about that anymore, though. Tell me what you’ve been up to.”

It turned out that Paloma didn’t have much to say about herself. She gave you the tiniest bit of information, where she was working, that she’d dated someone a couple of months back and that it didn’t work out, and how she was planning a vacation to Cancun. But that’s it.

It felt strange to divulge such personal things to someone who gave you so little in return. And you should have known that’s what was going to happen. She wanted the dirty details about you and Harry. She wasn’t there to be a friend. Not really. She wasn’t rude but you saw that her motivation was to sate her curiosity.

Maybe you were better off just confiding in your mother. Though, she never asked you things about how sex was with Harry. She always only wanted you to be happy and doing your best.

And it would have been fun to discuss in detail how good you were getting it with Harry. And if Fae weren’t his daughter you’d do that with her. Tell her all about how insane his body is, how strong he is, how big his cock is, and how he eats you out almost every day. You’d totally brag about him with her if things were different. But instead, you were stuck with Paloma who you didn’t want to give too many details to. And besides, you and Harry were still healing. To talk about how he was in bed didn’t seem right. Especially when you didn’t know who she was going to tell.

You stopped at the grocery store on your way home to get some things you needed and you picked up one of those cheap grocery store flower bouquets. Harry had stopped having them sent when shit hit the fan and he moved in. You didn’t know if it was because they were so expensive or just because he hadn’t thought about it what with everything going on, but you figured a small bouquet might feel nice to have in the apartment.

But when you pulled into your building’s parking lot you saw, what looked like Mrs. Styles’ car parked at the front. Of course, perhaps it was someone else’s, you were a bit paranoid lately. You always had your eyes roaming around just in case you accidentally ran into her or Fae.

With one arm occupied by your grocery bag and your other hand holding the small bouquet, you slowly walked up the steps toward your door and thought, maybe it wasn’t Mrs. Styles. Perhaps it was actually just someone with a car like hers. Plus how silly for her to confront you. What good would that do anyone?

“Y/n. I’ve been waiting for you.”

You heard her voice before you saw her and then felt her pull your bag from your arm, “Let me help you. Looks like you’ve got your hands full.”

You felt your vision blur and shade in with red as your heart pummeled in your chest, “Oh. Thank you, Mrs. Styles.” It was difficult to hide the shock you felt. You were sure she saw it.

You put your key into your door to unlock it and did some quick math in your mind for when Harry would be coming home. You didn’t want to be with Mrs. Styles alone. In your apartment.

“Cute. Kind of small,” she commented as she walked into your home behind you. She’d never visited before. “I’ll set this in the kitchen here, then?” She pointed to what was very obviously your kitchen.

“Yes. Sure. Thank you.”

She sat the bag on the countertop and you laid the bouquet on your little round kitchen table. You didn’t know what she wanted. What her intentions were. You weren’t sure you wanted to know.

She leaned her hip to the counter and crossed her arms over her chest as she looked at you, taking in your outfit. You felt like you should have dressed nicer. Maybe you would have put more thought into your outfit if you knew you’d be seeing Mrs. Styles. You were wearing jeans with holes in the knees and a hoodie.

You kept thinking of things to say to fill in the very uncomfortable silence. One was that Harry would be home soon, but that felt wrong to say to the woman who was still married to him. Another was to ask her how she’d been doing. Also, not a good question to ask.

“Uh, would you like some water?” You walked toward the cupboard to pull out a couple of glasses. Even if she didn’t want one you needed it.

“No, thank you.”

You nodded to yourself as you poured a glass with water and took a gulp to soothe your dry throat.

“Would you like to sit?” You carried your glass to the kitchen table and gestured at it as you looked back toward her.

Her eyes pierced through you coolly, “No, thank you.”

You leaned your bottom into the table and looked down at your linoleum floor. You hated this. You had no idea how to do this with her. Whatever this was.

“Did you,” you looked up at her eyes, “Want to talk? Or…?”

“I don’t know that you and I have much to discuss that won’t end with hurt feelings. I just came here to see you again and say my peace. It was hard for me to remember what you looked like in my mind. I always imagine you as a high school girl even though I know you’re an adult and I’ve seen you as an adult. Kind of like how I see Fae still. My little girl,” she smiled. “And so with you, you were still a high school girl in my mind’s eye. Quiet. Polite. Fae’s closest and dearest friend. A warm and bright girl that I loved like my own daughter,” her words were razor blades.

“But I couldn’t imagine what you looked like anymore now that you’ve done something so unlike the girl I used to know. I needed to see you for what you are now. The person who’s sleeping with my husband. Who threw away a relationship with my daughter, who is the most beautiful and loving young woman anyone could ever know. And now I see it. I never saw it before but it was always there wasn’t it?”

You shook your head, “I never wanted to hurt–“

“No one ever does, Y/n. No one with any amount of good in their heart ever wants to hurt anyone much less themselves. But you’ve done it haven’t you? You’ve hurt Fae. You’ve hurt me. You’ve hurt Harry. And worst of all is that you’ve hurt yourself.”

She wasn’t wrong about anything she said. You had caused a lot of pain. You hurt people that meant a lot to you. Mrs. Styles, at one time, had meant a lot to you. But now it felt like she was a stranger in your apartment. Someone you didn’t want there.

“I get it, now, though. Looking at you. I was so confused at first. I thought why would Harry even look at you in that way? So I just came here to see if I could make sense of that and you as you are now. And… yeah I see it. You’re lovely. Definitely his type. And you’re sweet too. God that makes it so hard to hate you. I really wanted to hate you too but instead, I just hate Harry now. Because this is really his fault in the end. I mean, don’t get me wrong,” she laughed incredulously, “I don’t like you one bit anymore. But I can’t hate you.”

You couldn’t keep eye contact with her. It felt like you were being incinerated.

“Harry’s had a lot of women after him in the past. Even after we were married women would flirt and try to get close to me just so they could get closer to him. It was funny because I noticed all of that. I was aware of what they were doing. Even had to cut a good friend out after she drunkenly admitted she wanted to sleep with him. He’s such an attractive man. Believe me, I know. I always knew other women found him sexy. But with you? Never had a clue. Wouldn’t have ever imagined it.”

You felt numb. You had no idea how to respond or even if you should.

“Anyway,” she pushed herself away from the counter and clapped her hands together with a faux smile, “That’s all I wanted to say. I hope you’re prepared for him to break your heart. Because this won’t last, Y/n. I don’t want him anymore but I’m just giving you a warning. If he can throw away a 24-year marriage for a 24-year-old girl whom he has nothing in common with, then just expect him to do something that catches you off guard.”

She walked past you to your front door and you listened as she opened and closed it behind her. You couldn’t move from your spot. You tried to breathe to calm yourself and not overthink the words she said.

You knew that she was angry and some of what she said was an attempt to get under your skin. To make you feel bad. Which you already did feel bad, of course. But now it felt suffocating. Felt like there were cracks starting to gape and widen between you and Harry but you needed to not allow that, as hard as it was. Hard not to take heed of her advice and note how other women wanted him and how he strayed from his wife whom he was married to for 24 years.

When Harry finally came home you didn’t know how long you’d been standing there at your kitchen table. You hadn’t moved a muscle. Your groceries hadn’t been put away. The flowers were still lying on your table. You were caught in your mind and battling not to allow your doubts about Harry to overcome you. Because you knew he loved you, you reminded yourself.

“Baby,” He wrapped his arms around your front as he stood behind you and kissed your temple, “Got groceries and flowers?”

You nodded shallowly.

He kissed you again and then you felt his face next to yours, could see from your peripheral that he was looking at you. He pulled his arms away and stepped to face you, pulling your hands into his, “Honey, what’s wrong?”

You slowly brought your gaze to his and immediately you felt better. His eyes. His concern. His warmth. And you could see the way he loved you. He loved you. You stepped toward him and put your arms around his middle and smushed your ear into his chest as you finally let your tears pour.

Harry drew his arms tight around you, “Baby, what happened? Tell me what’s wrong?”

You choked out a sob and squeezed him even more.

Harry sat down in a chair, and kept you with him, pulling you into his lap as he cupped your face and tried to look at you, “Sweetheart, you’re worrying me. Did something happen?”

You nodded and pushed your face back into his chest. You wished you could stop your tears and just tell him but you could barely sputter a word out.

He rubbed your back and gently rocked you as you cried in his arms and wetted his nice button-shirt with your tears.

When you felt better and felt like you could speak, your first words came out sounding so tiny and pathetic, “I’m sorry.”

“Shh, shh, shhh…” he softly hushed you, “Don’t be sorry, baby. Can you tell me what happened?”

You sniffed and looked up at him, “She… your wife. She came here.”

Harry’s face dropped, “What happened? What did she say?”

“She just wanted to see me and tell me what she thought about everything. I couldn’t even speak I was so nervous. She wasn’t here long.”

He nodded and used his thumbs to wipe your tears, “I will have a talk with her. She should not have come here. She has no business to do such a thing.”

You leaned into his touch as he wiped your tears.

“What did she say to make you so upset? Talk to me.”

“Just that you’ll hurt me eventually and you and I have nothing in common. She wasn’t mean, though. Everything she said was true about me. How I hurt everyone. And she said that other women want you too and…” you swallowed. You could hardly put your thoughts together coherently.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Y/n. And you know it’s not true that we have nothing in common. You and I get along perfectly. She’s just upset. You know that right?”

You nodded.

“And I don’t care how many women find me attractive, or even how many men find you attractive. None of that matters. You know that.”

“I know. She was just upset. It just scared me that I had to confront her alone. And I hate how she looks at me now. I’m the woman who took her husband.”

When your tears had finally dried, Harry helped you put the groceries away and put the flowers in a pretty vase to display.

“I need to have flowers delivered again. These are pretty but I like the ones Florero delivers.”

You wrapped your arms around Harry’s middle and looked up at him, “You’re so sweet but you don’t have to. I know those were expensive. I just thought any flowers would look nice so I picked them up on a whim.”

“You deserve flowers from Florero, baby,” he kissed your forehead. “I just forgot about it since everything that happened and moving here with you. But you still deserve nice things.”

You really didn’t feel like you needed nice things. Harry had never done all that much in the way of spending money on you. It was flowers, some jewelry, food, a toy. Things like that. But you were happy to just have him. You were happy that he was yours. And as awful as it was to feel the way you did, you were glad he chose you because you were always going to choose him.

Harry smushed you against his chest, “You know how much I love you, Y/n. I would choose you over and over again. No matter how hard it gets. Never let anyone’s words convince you otherwise.”

And there wasn’t a single part of you that didn’t believe him.

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[killjo-q]

life update ig?

internet and doc says id feel better after around 8 weeks , it has been 3 (going 4 i guess) months and i still feel horrible…. There are times where its more manageable but most of the time its like theres a heavy fog in my mind that i cannot shake no matter what i do. i see old classmates and friends living their best lives rn and lots of them seem so happy, chill and put together and I wonder what im missing?? (is it running??? all of them seem to be runners lol). I remember back in internship days and me and friend would always casually say depressing things because it was the usual for us and other co-interns were like “??? omg are u ok dont say stuff like that” and thats when I realized rly that woah not all college students r burntout and fighting depression djdhh

The feeling has never left me since then though, maybe its all the stress from being forced to do well in a path I never rly liked and the lack of proper sleep that had accumulated and im still feeling it to this day? but damn its been 4 years since then

anyway, today has been worse than usual and i did not know what to do with the thoughts tonight so am writing them down as proof of life since I havent rly been active lately. Im still trying to finish everything I have to draw though, cuz my mind wont let me have a moments peace. I cannot rly enjoy hobbies (i thought it would help) or anything either cuz all of them are tainted by …thoughts.

Will definitely take a LONG break after all this (fr this time) because I can’t find joy in art anymore. Its more of a stressor now than a passion and ive lost that urge to learn and improve. I dont even have the energy to open social media that often anymore

[haesunlover]

long to be home. (intro)

pairing: huang renjun x female!reader

series genre: fluff, angst, suggestive, eventual smut

word count: 2.1k words

chapter warnings: fluff, light angst, reader is an aspiring writer, renjun being the best bf ever, mark talking about his dick for a second, nothing else really.

the page on the computer screen remained blank, like your thoughts as you tried to remember any childhood memories. you threw your head back groaning, trying to rattle your brain for any sort of progress. giving up, you opened the facetime app on your computer and dialled the only person who can help in this scenario.

"hey sexy," your high school best friend says as she answered the phone. "to what do i owe the pleasure?"

just hearing her voice instantly made you burst into tears. "i'm trying to write but i am fucking clueless. i'm trying to put together my childhood but it's so blurry. i can see it but i can't at the same time. it's so stupid but i'm so fucked. my brain is absolutely fried." you blurt out, holding your head in your hands.

"woah, wait. is this about your show that you're writing? the one about your life?" lia asks, confused and concerned at this sudden outburst bringing the phone closer to her face.

you nodded your head, pushing your hair away from your face and now properly looking at the camera. "yes. i'm like.. stuck. i'm not getting anywhere cause i can't remember all the details." you huffed after taking a deep breath in, trying to calm yourself down. "i'm getting so frustrated."

lia nodded her head before pulling a naughty smirk at the camera. "you know what i think?" she asked.

"what?"

"i think you need to come home. you've been gone for too long and can't remember anything. you need a memory refresher. and a holiday to come see me." she said, looking pretty proud of her suggestion.

you let out a chuckle, shaking your head at her. "i'd love to but i can't just drop everything and come over."

confusion flashed over lia's face. "why not? don't you have like a whole month off? and doesn't renjun get a two week break soon?" she asked, making a very valid point.

you thought about it. a trip back home to australia with your boyfriend and getting to see your best friend after four years. sounds great in theory but.. "i mean, i'm not sure. i don't know if i'm mentally rea- '' you started to talk and tear up but was cut off by the sound of the keypad to the apartment being used. 

"shit, i gotta go. i'll keep you updated. talk to you soon!" you quickly exclaimed, shutting the lid of the laptop. you quickly wiped the tears away from under your eyes and smoothed out your hair as if you weren't about to rip it out moments before.

"y/n? you here, my love?" you hear your boyfriend, renjun, call out for you. you quickly jump out of the desk chair and walk out into the living area to see him and the rest of the dream members. 

"hey guys, i'm sorry for staying for so long. i lost track of time. i'll head out now so you guys can rest up after working hard today." you explained, jolting your fist in a little 'fighting' sign as you look around at them all.

mark shook his head and asked, "what are you talking about? it's movie night! it's my pick tonight. plus rina will be over soon."

your face dropped a bit, knowing that you weren't in the right headspace to be around the boys. you just wanted to go lie in your own bed and contemplate the previous conversation you had with lia.

renjun's eyebrows furrowed as he scanned your face, coming closer and grabbing your hand. "have you been crying?"

feeling called out, you mirrored his expression. "no? what makes you think that?" you ask defensively.

his face remained firm, giving you a look that showed he knew you were lying. "your nose is red. that is such a tell tale sign for you crying."

you muttered a quiet 'shit' under your breath and tugged his arm that was still attached to your hand towards the front door. "can we go on a walk please?" you say, the room falling completely silent out of nosiness and concern. renjun silently nodded and followed you out of the front door and into the elevator.

the elevator ride down was silent. it was silent until the two of you walked out of the lobby and down into the street. "should we go to the park?" renjun asked, squeezing your hand that he has not let go of since he first grabbed it. you nodded, slightly swinging your hands together. 

after walking quietly for about five minutes, the two of you reached the park and sat on a familiar park bench that you and the boys go to often.

renjun let go of your hand and grabbed a seat first, putting his arm over the back of the bench as if he was inviting you to cuddle into him. you flashed him a shy smile and sit next to him, throwing your legs over his lap and snuggling into him.

he has yet to say anything. he's learned over the year of being with you that you'll open up when you're ready and not to rush you. 

it took a few moments before you found the courage to speak up, "i want to go home."

"but we were just at home?"`

"no. 'australia' home."

"okay."

you stared at him, puzzled. "that's it? you're okay with that?"

he nods his head, grabbing your hand. "i'm okay with it. the real question is are you okay with it? are you ready to go back?"

and that's exactly why you're stuck. you had thought about going home a lot recently, even before lia brought it up. the last few years in australia were life changing to say the least. you knew you'd go back eventually and face the past but not this soon. but over the last few days, you've realized it's something you must do in order to move on.

"honestly, renjun? no, i am so scared. but it's something i need to do." you answered, shakily while leaning on his shoulder.

you felt him nodding his head with a small 'mhm..' vibrating through his body. "may.. may i ask what's brought this on all of a sudden?"

you turn your head up to look at him, faces close together. "i've been trying to write but it's almost like i have writers block. except with my childhood memories. i can't seem to remember a lot. it started a few days ago. i thought about going home once. but then i thought about it again and again. then i called lia.. and she suggested the same thing. i think it's time. it's kind of bittersweet, thinking about going home. part of me longs to go back home but the other part is scared shitless." you rambled.

renjun peered down at you, looking between your eyes. "alright baby. it's no problem. we'll go back to the dorms and figure out the logistics soon."

you nodded at the start of his suggestion but looked at him confused as he finished it. "soon? why soon?"

he smiled and leaned down, kissing you softly. he put his free hand on your chin, holding you as you kissed. renjun then pulled away, "i don't know about you but i hear the playground calling our names." he said with a childish smile plastered on his face.

"i am so in love with you." you mumble, staring at him lovingly. you quickly looked around the park, making sure there was nobody around before laughing and jumping off the bench to run towards the playground. "last one to the swings is a rotten egg!"

by the time you two got back to the apartment, the lights were off in the hallway. only the tv light could be seen shining from the living room. you guys walked into the room and saw that the group were already about halfway through the movie and mark's girlfriend, also one of your closest friends, had joined.

spotting a spare seat next to mark and rina on the three seater couch, you let go of renjun's waist that you were previously holding and head towards the couple quietly. rina lets out a small sound of surprise as you fit yourself into the couple's cuddles. "hi, my rainbow. where've you been?" she asked as she leaned over and gave a quick kiss to your cheek.

"yo, why did my dick twitch a little?" mark mumbled, watching the two of you. both rina and you rolled your eyes at him. renjun walked behind the couch, heading to the only free seat in the room on the beanbag but not without smacking mark across the head first.

you couldn't help but laugh at the stupidity of them, knowing mark meant no harm. "renjun and i were at the park, having a chat." you explained, nuzzling yourself into rina. your friend shifted in her seat, turning her full attention to you.

"shit, what about?" she asked, pulling the blanket away from mark and onto your legs instead.

"well, we wer-"

"oh my god, here we go again. can you guys talk in another room please? you do this every time you see each other. the two of you literally talk for hours." chenle groaned, throwing his head back before looking at the pair of you. there were mumbles of agreement, even from your boyfriends.

giggles fell from both yours and your friend's lips as the two of you push off the couch and into the kitchen to talk. rina pulls herself onto the kitchen bench and you mirror her action but onto the kitchen island. "alright, spill." rina says, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl next to her.

"i'm going back home to australia for a while." you say, scanning rina's face. 

she stopped peeling her banana and slowly nodded, thinking about what to say. "okay.. and am i invited?" she asked, taking a bite of the banana.

you looked at her confused at apparently her only thought. "you don't have anything else to say? any advice? am i being crazy?"

"well shit, if you're going back there then you'll need moral support. which will be me!" she exclaims cheerfully.

you thought for a second. you two had been talking about going on vacation for awhile and she is actually incredible support. it'll also give rina a chance to go back home too. "i mean, i don't see why not? renjun and i decided on going during his break. would mark be okay with that?" you asked. rina quickly shoved the rest of the banana in her mouth, letting out a muffled 'let me ask.'

she jumped off of the kitchen bench and walked back into the living room with you not too far behind her. "mark, wanna go to australia with us?" she asked quite loudly over the movie. the room erupted in noise, some of the boys talking amongst each other and others trying to talk to you two girls.

"shit, i didn't know i'd cause that much of a fuss." she awkwardly mumbled, returning to her seat next to mark.

chenle spoke up loudly over the noise, "why are you guys going to australia?" he asked looking between you and rina. you groaned, walking to the lightswitch and turning it on so you can actually see everybody properly. you grabbed the remote off the table and quickly paused the movie.

"me and renjun are going back to australia to go sort things out. some family things." which wasn't entirely a lie, "rina wants to come because we've been planning a holiday together long before renjun and i even started dating. she'll also be going home to australia so obviously she wouldn't go without mark." you continued to explain.

it was jeno that spoke up next, "well, can we come too?" he asked softly next to jaemin. the two of them both showing you a very similar innocent, boyish look. you look at renjun, silently asking for help. 

he pushed himself out of the beanbag and made his way over to where you were standing by the tv, "well, how about we go, just us, for the first few days and then the rest of them can join us later?" 

you nodded in approval, look at everyone else to see if they give the same approval. everyone was showing some way of saying yes. it was jisung who spoke up next, "where are we even going?"

"we're going back to my hometown on the gold coast." the room erupted in noise again, but this time in excited chatter. whilst everyone was talking, you turn to renjun with a half excited and half scared look on your face.

"i guess this is it. i'm going home."

[cheesysoup-arlo]

Cady’s Cousin (pt.4)

(pt. 1)/(pt. 2)/(pt. 3)

A/N: im sorry for the delay on an update low key lost the motivation for this but I regained motivation so here you go

“Hey guys what is up? What’s the hot goss of the first day of school?” A woman who you are assuming is Regina’s mom says as you all entered the house “hey mom, not much happened today but we were planning on using the pool while the sun’s still out and warm” Regina replied “ooo totally fun I’ll get you guys some snacks and drinks” “thanks mom we’re gonna go upstairs and change” you all went upstairs to the large guest room were Regina kept extra clothes and swimsuits for the group which you thought was really cool. “Ok boys you can change in here or the bathroom and us girls will go in my room” Regina said as everyone grabbed their swimsuits “I think I’ll change in her with the boys since there’s a lot of us” Janis says heading over with Aaron and Damien “are you sure?” Cady asked “yeah so we can be ready faster” Janis says with a half convincing smile, in reality she’s just not ready to change near you, it’s taken her a lot of time to build her confidence to feel comfortable enough to change in front of Regina and the other three girls with their “perfect” bodies as Janis likes to describe them. “Hmm ok if that’s what you want” Cady says not convinced “yep” Janis says heading to the other room. “Here y/n you can try these on and whatever fits or you’re more comfortable with you can wear” Regina says handing you a few bathing suits “thank you” you say with a smile “um you can go change in the bathroom if that’s more comfortable for you” Regina says pointing to the closed door behind you “oh yeah totally” you say and go in the bathroom to get changed. everyone gets done changing and the boys plus Janis are waiting in the kitchen for the rest of you. “Ok pool time” Regina says as she walks towards the sliding glass door that leads to the pool “sunscreen” Cady says handing you two different ones (the spray kind and the lotion kind) you take the one you like “thanks cads” you start putting sunscreen on but can’t really get your back, Cady’s busy helping Regina so you decided “hey Janis could you help me out?” “Oh um yeah sure, just your back?” She asks walking up behind you “yeah thank you so much you’re a life saver” you say with a small laugh as she helps put sunscreen on your back. With your back to her you miss the redness that’s starting to form on her cheeks, she’s blushing. “Omg Regina look” Gretchen whispers to Regina pointing at you and Janis “aw they’re adorable” the boys and Janis decide to have a squirt gun fight “if I get sprayed y’all are going home” Regina says half joking, you laugh a little sitting at the edge of the pool with your feet in the water. You’re just chilling when you see Aaron pointing his gun at you giggling a little “AARON DONT YOU DARE” you say trying to block your face “don’t worry I’ll save you you hear someone say causing you to move you hands from your face to see Janis absolutely soaking Aaron. Janis walks over to you and you stand up “my hero, how can I ever repay you?” You say draping your arms on her shoulders “a date, perhaps?” Janis says blushing a little “oh a date?” You say with a smile, blushing “you can say no…” Janis says looking down at the ground “how could I say no to you, I’d love a date just give me details” you say with a wink, walking away from her to grab a snack. Janis watches you walk away, she won’t admit it but she was definitely staring at you, admiring every inch of you thinking about how beautiful you are. About an hour later everyone has had enough pool time “movie night? I know we have school so if you can’t I understand but you know my mom is always ok with sleepovers” the group agrees that it would be fun. Everyone showers while Regina’s mom orders pizza and gets a couple snack trays together. Everyone gathers in the living room. Regina, Cady, Gretchen, and Karen on the big couch that folds out like a bed, the boys on the smaller couch that does the same, and you and Janis are sitting next to each other on the air mattress and are sharing a blanket.

“So what movie are we watching?” Damian asks looking a Regina since she has the remote “can we wat-“ Cady goes to speak “if you suggest the lion king again I swear to god Cady, love you to death but please we’ve seen that so many times” Aaron says, Cady crosses her arms and lays on Regina visibly grumpy “it’s ok princess I’ll watch it with you soon, don’t be grumpy” Regina whispers to Cady giving her a kiss on the forehead “ooo what about that one movie with the blonde girl who’s like really smart and goes to that one smart people school?” Karen says “OH MY GOODNESS LEGALLY BLONDE?” Damian says sitting up, excited “yeah that one” Karen says with a smile “wait we watched that last movie night” Gretchen says with a slight head tilt “ok hear me out, Lilo and Stich?” You say “yesss please I love that movie” Janis looked up at Regina “ok who want to watch Lilo and Stich? Raise your hand” Regina asks, you and Janis immediately put your hands up, Karen and Cady also put their hands up “you know what yeah let’s watch it” Aaron says also putting his hand up “ok so Lilo and Stich it is” Regina says with a small laugh and puts on the movie “yay you say eating a slice of pizza and without thinking you start leaning on Janis, she doesn’t mind she thinks it’s cute and keeps eating her food while watching the movie. Regina secretly takes a picture of the two of you. As the movie continues you start feeling sleepy, Janis wraps her arm around you and plays with your hair as you slowly doze off “awww” Damian says looking at the two of you “shhh, D she’s sleeping” Janis says giving him a slight glare. Cady is asleep and so are Gretchen and Karen. There’s still about 15 minutes left of the movie and Janis is starting to doze off. You wrap your arms around Janis more in your sleep, you’re both lying on the floor. Regina is the last one awake and decides to take another picture and smiles at how adorable the two of you look before she decides to try sleeping too.

A/N(pt.2): should I continue the series?

[nataliasquote]

Honesty teaser | n romanoff | wattpad book

Ok hello :) I know this goes against posting on Tumblr, seeing as it won’t be updated on here, but I really need to kick myself back into writing, so what better way than to promote my book on here so that I have more of an incentive if more people know about it! For now it’s Wattpad only whilst I figure out how AO3 works (idk if I even have an account) but I will try to get it up on there too. But… until then… here is the first chapter of ‘Honesty’.

College!AU | Enemies to lovers

Natasha Romanoff x O!C

O!C: Kaiiarina Lenkova (Kaia/ Ky). Sister to JB Lenkov (James Buchanan aka Bucky)

Current available chapters: 9

The classic ringing of an incoming facetime call sounded through the speakers of a MacBook, which made a rather exhausted 18 year old leap up from her sprawled out place on her bed. She threw herself onto her spinning desk chair, which spun a bit too far, meaning she had to grab the edge of her desk and haul herself back around before she fell off.

She lifted the lid and quickly typed in her password as an excited face filled the screen, their voice far too loud as the volume had been left turned all the way up from last night's dance session. Dark curly hair swung against her back as the girl winced at her friend's squeal.

"Have you looked?" The blonde girl screeched, far too close to the camera to create a flattering angle.

"Lena, it's 8am. It's a miracle I'm awake at this point." Kaiiarina groaned before she was cut off by a yawn, which only emphasised her point. She'd been awake since 7, knowing that today was one of the most important days of her life. Every possibility and outcome of her future was shuffled through her head as she tried to grasp any ounce of sleep that made itself available to her. But instead of blissful dreams, she was faced with pits of anxiety that made her dream feel like her worst nightmare.

"We promised we'd open them together, so hurry up!" Yelena was horrendously impatient, which was a huge contrast to Kaia's more laid back approach in life. But they'd planned this day since they were 11 years old, having been inseparable since they were 6.

Their first day of ballet class. Yelena was only there because Melina wanted her to follow in Natasha's footsteps; the golden child. But, naturally, the blonde wanted to be anywhere else, so she was stubborn in not moving from her spot on the bench. Her hair was pulled up into what could have been a neat bun, but she had wriggled so much that her baby hairs were everywhere.

Kaia, on the other hand, couldn't have been more different. Her uniform was pristine, tiny feet slipped into perfectly tied ballet shoes. Her almost black hair was pulled into a braided bun, secured perfectly on the top of her head, not a single hair out of place. She sat on the bench with her back straight, her hands folded in her lap. She looked alert, attentive; her blue eyes wide as she took in every person who walked past. She looked in wonder at the older girls who walked past, admiring their pointe shoes with lust. She was going to be like them one day.

Their teacher called everyone into the studio as a group, knowing a lot of the children would be nervous. Kaia walked in with her head held high; this was where she was meant to be. But out of the corner of her eye, she saw Yelena putting up a fight with her mother, who was trying to coax her defiant 6 year old from the bench.

What spurred her to do this was a complete mystery, but Kaia found herself wandering over to Yelena and extending out her hand.

"I'm Kaia." Was simply all she said. Yelena stopped squirming, peering up at the girl with her big green eyes. She looked at her mother briefly, who just smiled.

"Yelena."

"You know that class is about to start, right?" Kaia stated, confused as to why the girl wasn't in the studio like everyone else.

"Yes. But I'm not going." The young Russian was stubborn and folded her arms over her chest, pouting slightly.

"Ballet isn't sissy, you know. It's strong. You don't see the 'tough' boys doing it, do you?" Yelena shook her head, slightly confused at her point. Kaia leaned towards Lena and whispered in her ear. "It's because they can't handle it. They're not strong like we are."

Yelena smiled at the thought of being stronger than the boys in her class. She was fiercely competitive and she revelled in the idea of being better at something than someone else. Kaia's hand was still outstretched and so the blonde Russian took it gladly, their tiny hands clasping tightly together.

Melina watched the girls disappear into the glossy studio, a proud smile on her face. Those girls were going to be best friends, she just knew it.

And she was exactly right. Kaia transferred to Yelena's school in 2nd grade, and they became inseparable. Even the teachers knew they wouldn't be able to find one without the other 2 steps behind. And when one of them were sick and off school... it was like the one left behind was missing a limb.

When they transferred to middle school together, they made a pact. The girls would go to the same high school and the same college.

And that day had finally come. Acceptance letters were being sent out and the girls had applied to the same university. Which was what prompted Yelena's early morning facetime call.

Kaia scrolled through her emails, her heart pounding out of her chest. This was what they'd worked towards for 4 years. Their extra-curricular activities, sports, dance, languages... everything leading up to this moment.

"Oh fuck." Kaia muttered, seeing the email appear in her inbox. "I've got it."

On the other side of the screen, Yelena had her email open too, the link tempting her mouse, but also making her hesitate. What if their plan didn't work out?

"Wait." Yelena rushed, making Kaia freeze. "Whatever happens, we stay best friends, right?"

"I can't believe you just asked me that question Belova." Kaia scoffed, slightly offended as she adjusted the neck of her hoodie.

"I just had to be sure. Okay," Yelena let out a big breath. "It's now or never."

There was silence on both ends of the call as they waited for the link to load up. Time seemed to slow down, seconds turning into minutes as the loading circle span round and round. Yelena had picked up a hair tie and was spinning it around her finger as Kaia chewed on the edge of her thumb.

But the circle stopped spinning. The girls stopped fidgeting. They both held their breath as a message appeared on their screens.

Pale Oak University is delighted to offer you a place on your chosen course. We hope that you accept our offer and will join us in August on campus. Please click 'confirm choice' at the bottom of the page to secure your place.

But neither of them said anything. They tried to read each other's expressions as they looked back at the camera, but they were so scared of not going to the same college that neither wanted to burst the bubble.

But Kaia couldn't help let a small smile slip, which prompted Yelena to do the same.

"Did you-"

"Are you-"

Both girls started to speak at the same time but paused for the other continue. Kaia just nodded at Yelena's question, not trusting her voice to be strong enough to speak.

"Oh my god, me too." Lena's voice came out as nothing more than a hushed whisper, her hands flying to her mouth as tears welled in her eyes.

"Lena." Kaia croaked out, a tear slipping down her cheek. "We did it." She laughed lightly, which blended into a choked sob.

"We really did it."

"We fucking did it!" Kaia leaped out of her chair, spinning around like an excited puppy. "Mama! Dad! We did it! I got in!" Although she was still on facetime, Kaia sprinted downstairs to find her parents, screaming her results to them.

On the other side of the screen, Yelena did the same thing, racing into the kitchen where her parents and sister were sat.

"I got in!" She announced as she skidded to a halt in her fluffy socks, grabbing onto the back of a chair so she didn't slip. "I'm going to Pale Oak!"

Melina and Alexei scooped their youngest into a huge group hug as they cheered, leaving Natasha sitting alone at the table. She would have joined in, if it wasn't for the news that her little sister was going to be at the same university that she was currently at.

"Natasha, come and congratulate your sister. You know out of everyone just how hard the entry process is." Melina said, giving her 20 year old daughter a stern look as she rolled her eyes.

"Nice job Yelly." Nat said, ruffling her sister's hair, purposely messing it up even further. "Just don't bother me okay? I don't want you hanging onto me all the time. It's annoying."

"Natasha be nice." Alexei said disapprovingly. "Your sister is blessing to us all. We are so so proud." He pulled Yelena into his side, which she did not appreciate as she pushed him away with a disgusted look.

"Don't worry Nat. I've got Kaia. We're gonna be just fine."

Nat's head whipped round and she stared at her sister with a raised brow. "Wait... Kaia's going?"

"Duh. She's my best friend." Yelena rolled her eyes, not believing her sister's comment.

Nat shrugged, turning back to her phone. "Wow. Didn't know she had what it took." She mumbled under her breath for only Yelena to hear.

Rage flooded the blonde's cheeks and she clenched her fists at her side. "You're a bitch." she spat through gritted teeth, before marching up the stairs and slamming her door shut, slumping onto her chair in front of her laptop where Kaia was waiting.

"I'm guessing Nat didn't take it too well then." Kaia quipped, throwing an m&m up in the air before catching it in her mouth.

"You know me too well."

"No, well yes, but I also know just how much your sister hates me." Natasha always had a distaste for Lena's best friend, but no one quite knew why. Maybe it was due to them being in the same ballet class, despite Kaia being 2 years younger, or maybe how much time Kaia spent at the Romanoff's. But the brunette didn't really care. Having Nat like her wasn't exactly on the top of her to do list.

"Well, forget about her. She's not going to ruin it for me, or for you. We've had everything planned out since we were 10 years old Ky, and it's actually going to happen."

"Still gonna be roommates right?" Kaia asked, reading over the email one more time to cement it into her brain. It still felt surreal that they were actually going to college. No more high school. No more living at home. No more living 25 minutes away from each other. It was perfect.

"If you really think I'm gonna sleep in the same room as some random ass girl who snores and talks in her sleep, then think again. I'm sleeping with you or not sleeping at all."

"Well then I think we need to contact someone about it, because I don't even know if you can pick your roommates."

"I'll just say I have major attachment issues and breakdown into floods of tears whenever I'm not around you." Yelena said, spinning around on her chair before getting distracted by her massive shark plushie. She reached for it and pulled it onto her lap, stuffing her face into its fur.

Kaia just rolled her eyes. Yelena was always one for the dramatics. "Well that's going to work so well seeing as we are taking different majors, but sure." Yelena was majoring in sports science, seeing as she was on the women's football team and she loved it with all of her heart. Ballet was never really her thing, so as soon as she could quit, she did.

Kaiiarina was majoring in dance and they both were taking a Russian language class, as it was easy credits seeing as they both wanted to be fluent in their 'motherland' language.

"Well if that doesn't work, we can just get your brother to intimidate them all into putting us together." JB Lenkov (or James Buchanan) was in the army and had been away for 8 months. He was 5 years older than Yel and Kaia, so they joked about him a lot. Plus, he did try to ask Natasha out on a date, only to be turned down by her harsh words. "If you have a dick, I'm not into you."

"Let's just email them. See what they say." Kaia clicked on the email link, excitement surging through her body. It felt real now. But with the excitement came a lot of nerves. The kind that sent butterflies swarming in all different directions, extending from her fingertips to the depths of her stomach. A nauseating feeling descended in her throat, but she swallowed it down.

New experiences weren't really her thing. She grown a lot more self conscious from the bold and daring 6 year old she once was, but within the duo she was still the sensible and down to earth one. A stickler for the rules, which Yelena often felt were mere suggestions.

"I know its 8:30, but something in my body is screaming for a Starbucks right now, and unfortunately my asshat of a sister won't drive me." Yelena peaked over the top of her shark, which she had nicknamed Brucie, and batted her eyelashes rather dramatically at her best friend, who payed absolutely no notice to her.

"Kaia..." Still nothing.

"Ky!" Crickets.

"Kaiiarina!" Oh now she'd done it. The brunette's blue eyes seemed to darken as she peered up at the camera, narrowing her eyes into what became a bone chilling glare.

"Yelena Fyodorovna Belova. Did you just use my government name?" Although she was joking, Kaia made no effort to smile or even lighten her expression, loving how scared her friend looked. Similarly to a deer in headlights.

Lena flashed a sheepish smile. "Coffee?" Was all she offered, trying to hit Ky's sweet spot. "Caramel iced coffee?" Kaia was still glaring. "I'll buy you a blueberry muffin."

Now that was a deal breaker. "Even when I hate your guts, you still manage to win me over." Kaia groaned, pushing away from her desk and wheeling over to her closet whilst still sat on her chair. She grabbed a jacket and stood up, walking over to her table to grab her keys. "I'll be there in 20. Be ready or I'm taking Nat instead." She leaned over her laptop and hovered her mouse over the red 'end call' button.

"Oh wow. Threat of the century." Yelena feigned offense and Kaia blew a raspberry. Childish, yes, but

"Bye bitch."

~~~

Kaia's family was rich, very rich, but it hadn't gone to her head like many privileged girls she could mention. Her father was the CEO of a major jewellery company back in Russia, that had gone global in the last 10 years.

She had all the physical signs of a rich girl; expensive clothes, dainty jewellery, designer sunglasses that were nearly always placed in her wavy hair, pristinely manicured nails and of course, her most prized possession... her tesla. It was an extravagant 18th birthday gift from her father, and as normal as it seemed in a life like hers, Kaia burst into tears when she saw the sparkling white car parked on their driveway.

Yelena seemed more eager to show off Kaia's new car than she was, hopping into the front seat and immediately connected her phone to the aux, Mitski blasting at full volume.

And even though it had been 6 months since Ky's birthday, Yelena still clambered into the sleek white car with a gleeful expression, her phone ready in her hand to Bluetooth. Kaia's once peaceful music was soon replaced with songs more to Yelena's taste, reflecting her wild and chaotic personality.

"This is just like a free taxi service for you isn't it?" Kaia commented as Yelena clearly made herself comfortable, her hands adjusting the direction of the aircon as Kaia pulled away from the drive.

"Yeah, but you're rich so it's fine." It was true. Kaia didn't care about giving Yelena lifts. And besides, it's not like she payed for the electricity that powered her car.

10 minutes later she swerved into the Starbucks parking lot, a smile gracing her face as she saw the all-too-familiar store. The girls pushed the doors open and went inside to order their drinks. Yelena offered to collect their drinks so Kaia took a seat in a booth next to the window and peered outside, watching the hustle and bustle of the world outside.

Her hand was propped up under chin and she soon drifted into her thoughts, trying to process the events of this morning even though it was only 9:20am.

Yelena observed her best friend from afar, watching how she retreated into her head. She knew Kaia's concerns about college, especially with Natasha who was also doing the same course. The tension between the 2 could be cut clearly with a knife, which made thanksgiving and birthdays slightly awkward. But Yelena's outlandish personality always helped muffle the discomfort with a joke or a random song, which Kaia was thankful for.

She carried their coffees and blueberry muffins over to the table and slid in opposite Kaia, who was still staring into space out of the window. Her bottom lip was pulled between her teeth and Lena could feel Ky's knee bouncing up and down as their legs touched under the table.

"Hey. Kaia." Yelena said gently, placing her hand on her friend's knee. "I got that muffin you wanted." She slid the muffin across the table and watched as Kaia's eyes flickered into focus and she took a deep breath.

"I was beginning to think you'd forget." She joked, taking a sip of her coffee and smiling at the taste. Her grin was slightly forced and Yelena could tell it didn't quite reach her eyes.

Yelena laughed, her adorable giggle making Kaia smile harder. "Me? Forget? Never." She watched as her best friend slowly picked apart her muffin, breaking it into pieces on the wrapper. "What's going on?"

Kaiiarina sighed. Her anxiety wasn't anything new, and the duo had learned to cope with it really well. Yelena was goofy but always understanding, switching her naturally comedic tone to a more serious one when she needed to. And she was an excellent observer, which definitely came in handy as Kaia usually withdrew into herself whenever anxiety took over.

"Oh nothing." She said casually, more so to convince herself than Yelena. "It's just- well, college is a lot."

Yelena knew where this was coming from. They'd spoken about it a few times, but Ky still struggled to wrap her head around it. "Yeah... but it's not different for us."

"Why?" Kaia questioned as she bit into a chunk of muffin. A blueberry exploded on her tongue and sent a fuzzy feeling in her stomach. That's why those muffins were her favourites.

"Because we're still together. And we always will be."

Kaia thought for a moment as she chewed. Yes, they would be together, but they'd also be around Natasha and a bunch of new people they'd never seen before. Plus, they were doing different courses which meant different people, different professors, different buildings, different schedules... it was a lot.

Yelena took her silence as a hint to keep talking. "You're worried about Nat aren't you?"

"No." Kaia snorted. "Well... I'm hoping your sister is too busy to worry about making my life a living hell... but you know..." she trailed off and Yelena smiled, having figured out the root of her worries.

"You'll be fine. Besides, you won't even see her. You have me instead!"

"Hmmm... I wonder which Romanoff-Belova sibling I like best..." Kaia pretended to think long and hard, knowing it would mess with Yelena all too well.

Yelena narrowed her eyes and lined up a blueberry to flick, her lips curling into a pout. "For the sake of your white sweatshirt, you better say me. Or I'm gonna find another roommate."

"Okay Miss 'I breakdown in tears when I'm not around you'. Can't fool me Belova.". A smug expression crossed Kaia's face and Yelena huffed, sinking into the soft leather seat as she tossed the blueberry into her mouth and chomped on it with force.

"I hate you." She mumbled, glaring around the half empty coffee shop as her arms folded across her chest and one foot came to rest on the maroon seat.

Kaia chuckled at her childish behaviour, expecting nothing less. "No you don't."

With her infamous pout and inability to look her friend in the eye, Yelena answered "Yes I do" whilst eyeing up the baristas working quickly behind the counter, taking drive-thru orders as they drizzled caramel onto several frappuccinos.

"Okay then. See you around." Kaia grabbed her keys and iced latte and made a move to stand up from the booth, before Yelena put her leg on her seat so she couldn't get out. "No wait! I need a lift!"

Kaia sat down with a scoff. "Wow... so you are using me!"

"Yeah I am." Yelena said with no shame with a mouth full of muffin. "What about it?"

"Remind me why I'm friends with you again?"

"Because you need someone with good music taste to test your car speakers. And someone to bring banners to your dance recitals." A cheeky glint shone in Yelena's eyes as Kaia groaned, her head falling into her hands at the memory.

"No! Never again." She peeked through her fingers to see her best friend sniggering, to which she kicked her rather hard in the shin, earning a pained yelp from the blonde. "You may find it hilarious, but I will never live that down. I almost got kicked off the team for that!"

Yelena rolled her eyes. "Oh shut up. Natty was only jealous because I didn't make her a sign. She would never kick you off. You're too good. They need you to win." She was right. Kaia was unbelievably talented, although she would never admit it.

One of the many things the girls had in common was their dedication. When they wanted something, they were some of the most driven teenagers around. Both sets of parents were proud, although Yelena's showed it a lot more than Kaia's did. Her's seemed to think that the money they gave her was enough to make up to the detached and cold behaviour they showed towards her and her brother. But it just brought the siblings closer than they ever would be.

"We have 3 months until college. What the fuck are we gonna do?" Yelena asked, slurping the last of her coffee. It seemed like a hell of a long time to sit around stressing, which is what Kaia would do.

"We need to buy stuff for our dorm. And I want to go to the beach."

"Okay Ky that's boring stuff. I'm talking sleeping under the stars, going to haunted houses, days at the lake, getting drunk whenever we want! We have all this time and no pressure to do anything. We can't waste it!"

Kaia chewed on her lip before smiling. The sun as shining and it was warm. Perfect May summer weather. "Okay fuck it. Lake day?" She asked, grabbing her keys and adjusting her sunglasses on her head.

"I love you!"

They dumped their trash and ran out to the car, jumping in before racing home to collect their stuff. Kaia's parents weren't home (surprise surprise) so she didn't need to ask permission from anyone. And Yelena never asked permission She was 18 and frankly Melina and Alexei trusted her enough for her to do what she wanted.

"First day of stress free summer is about to commence!" Yelena announced when they were both back in the car. The electric guitar intro of 'Sweet Child O'Mine' blared through the tesla speakers as they pulled out of the driveway and it suddenly felt real.

It was summer.

They were going to college.

Together.

10 year old Kaiiarina and Yelena would be proud.

[icypantherwrites]

It is finished.

Words I wasn't sure I was ever going to be able to write, but at 11:51 pm last night they became reality.

Bottled Ocean is finished.

I am really, really proud of myself for being able to come back to this story. I started writing it in all the way back in May 2020 so it has been almost four years from start to finish and it's been a really long, bumpy road. So much has happened over those four years and the story went from a vibrant, engaged audience when it first published to, if I'm lucky, one or two engaged readers and maybe five reading it total. It's been really hard to put forth the energy into writing such a monster of a story (it is officially over 250,000 words long) knowing that there's no one there really to read it and even now I'll be lucky to have one or two engaged readers for it.

But it is done. My legacy after writing over 400 fanfictions in the last 7 years is not an incomplete story. It's something I can look back on and be proud of that I wrote that and as anyone knows, 250,000 words is not a small undertaking.

I had promised myself that if I went back to writing this I would finish the story before it began publishing again on Patreon (which resumes today) and then life hit. I had Covid the last two weeks and felt really terrible and dizzy and unable to focus. I thought writing fight scenes was hard, bah, writing fight scenes while you're distracted by the word 'sword' because it says 's-word' and going off on a tangent of swear words you think pirates would say while still trying to write a fight scene is hard. I kept going.

I reached yesterday morning and realized that I still had at least four chapters to write and I wasn't sure how I was going to do it and even if my deadline was self-imposed I was going to fail it.

I didn't.

Outside of taking breaks to walk the dog (it reached 42 here in Chicagoland and for this time of the year that's practically tropical) and guzzling down over half of a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper and trying to drink water in there too, I did it. I sat down, wrote my ass off, and a little over 16,000 words of the most pinnacle parts of the story as it all comes together and concludes I did it. I am exhausted and I honestly didn't even recall most of the final chapter so I went back and read it this morning and not to toot my horn but damn I'm a good writer, and I am just so relieved and happy it is done.

I am done too. My writing journey comes to an end with this story (I'll still for sure be posting on Patreon for the rest of 2024 though with my insane backlog and of course Bottled Ocean and some works on AO3 too) and I'm hanging up my keyboard. It has been a long seven years full of the good and the bad, the bright spots and the dark, but I can look back at this chapter of my life and see that I wrote over 3.2 million words worth of stories to share and I feel...

I feel content. And relieved and honestly my wrists are aching from pressing against my laptop all night, but I am happy. Thank you to all who came on this writing journey with me, who have been with me since As Color Fades Away posted in 2017 or stumbled across my works this year. It has been a life-changing seven years of writing.

I'll still be around here posting updates and hopefully, maybe, trying to get a few of y'all to bite at Bottled Ocean and join me in reading my final fanfiction, but this author is finally, finally finished and it is the start of a new adventure.

Thanks everyone ♥

[randomgentlefolk]

CPC CHAPTER 158

With each chapter updated, the more I sob to my cat (while wearing my plaid clothes of course)

Also this post is going to be long because I love psychology so much.

Tw: mentions of un-aliving oneself

Lorzanna fighting alongside each other....... that is the most badass way to say "we're girlfriends"

Lorena using the chains as whips and Suzanna doing fencing style!! THEM. I NEED MORE OF THEM.

Medic Syrah! It's like one of those I things I never know I want until I get it.

Aww Orson and Monika holding the portcullis together <3 they're so strong???

Frederick telling Syrah step by step on how to do first aid <3

Also, Frederick using his strategy skill!! He can finally show his talent for Leland to see >:D or, uh, not really since Leland is not currently in the room but ANYWAY

Beckett..Beckett, Beckett, Beckett.... Man got snitched and I'm having second hand embarrassment 💀💀 well he won't be Pastel Top 1 guard but at least he can be with Maria. Oh yeah finally!! He knows who the real Maria is!! I hope he won't forget when he's back conscious tho.

Fellas, let's give appreciation to our guard homies Horace and Old guard (he still needs a name)

Also may I just say Maria looks GORGEOUS in this panel?? HER HER HER??? Also her starting to wonder why Frederick is against the Plaid kingdom?? IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER Y'ALL.

I went from "Lance!! :D" to "Lance :'(" because damn...DAMN??? Bro tbh I'm relieved the gala foreshadowing is him getting hit on the head and not gettint CHOPPED but on the other hand DAMN. The commander did NOT have to do that DAMN. The blunt head trauma??? What if he hit head when he fell?? "So he won't hurt himself" my foot BRUH. I just checked again and HE HIT HIS HEAD. Bro is gonna get a concussion.

Also his face is still bleeding out. In case someone, uh, forgot.

Go Lorena and Suzie go help him! I know what he did was horrible but he's trying!!

Confrontation Time Yayyy...

Blaine. Blaine bro. Stop. Just. Okay there is a lot of childhood issues to be unpacked here. But you know what before talking to him before telling him what he should do maybe we should all just. Let him relax, for awhile. I mean ngl he looks awful, and I'm not trying to be mean here but he and Frederick clearly needs professional help. But let's unpack them one by one. Let's start with the pianist.

(Disclamier: I am not a professional. I am simply telling you my opinion in this post)

Holy shit. Someone give him a break. Give him lots of sleep. Anything to make this boy relax. Let me just say this right away, golden child syndrome. I'm blaming all of these shit on Leland. Y'all our lesson today is: don't put too much pressure on a child, don't compare your children to each other, and accept your child however they are. Please y'all this has happen too much. A child is smart and they achieves lots of things, then makes that their only reason of living, the only reason they are loved. That's horrible. In Blaine's case, I think he feels as if those achievements, those trophies, are a way to validate his life. It's like he cannot fail because if he fails automatically he disappoints everyone including himself.

We know that he has been 'thriving' since he was child. Let's say approximately since he was uhh 9 years old? That would be 12 years of intense hardwork hell sugarcoated by the paradise of 'winning'. Once again, not exactly the best childhood ever. Not to mention, does he even have any friends? We have never seen him mention any. So we can say that he doesn't have any support outside of him being 'perfect' (well, until Maria at least, but that was pretty short-lived :')

At this point I won't even be surprised if the reason he has been doing self care is only so that he looks good as a model and so that people love him.

Man, he needs intense reality check. Also I'm like 99% sure he definitely doesn't want to kill Frederick. The event of him and Lance beating the shit out of the bullies still live in my head rent free. Bro is VERY confused with his life right now and needs help.

Let's move on to the youngest now

Right of the bat I'm going to say:

Scapegoat child, self esteem issues, possibility of depression, and uh we're gonna have to add this now... possibility of being suicidal. Alright.

What is a scapegoat child? A scapegoat child is the child who is pretty much blamed for everything and takes attention of the center of the problem, if that makes sense. As far as I know, this is the child who recognize the actual problems in the family, and is the one to break the cycle of abuse. These children are the opposite of the golden child. And you know what it makes sense that both of them are in the same household. If there is a golden child to praise and give attention to, then there is the scapegoat who is blamed and left out. That is what Frederick is in his family.

Self esteem issues. This boy has been told he is pathetic, weak, useless, and all of those words for his entire life, to the point he actually believe that those words are his entire personality.

Now, I'm not gonna straight up say he is suicidal, though we have an evidence in the panel here. But if we look at the past chapters, he doesn't exactly actively try to die. Those moments where he fell of the Pastel hills are accidents. But we can also say that the suicidal thoughts just came recently. Especially considering what is happening lately. Being trapped in a deep hole with little to no socialization can really do some things to you...even if you're an introvert. We are social creatures. As much as we say we hate chatting with people, we also don't want to be alone with no social communication our entire life now, do we?

Anyway, I'm going to suggest this, there is a chance that Frederick probably has what is called passive suicidal ideation. He doesn't actively try to die, but he wouldn't care if he die. But I'm a little conflicted on this one. Maybe someone else who is better at this field of study can help me?

We can also assume that Frederick told Blaine to kill him out of desperation. There are lots of possibilities that I hope Lambcat will explore more in the future.

Also his coping mechanism of escaping reality is something to watch out for since he has shown signs of not being able to differentiate between reality and fantasy

Now, I just want to say that there is a chance that I'm heavily wrong here. But I'm just stating my opinion and I'm not trying to offend anyone. If there is something wrong in what I wrote please do tell me.

Okay, let's move on to the next scene now—

NAH BLAINE SWINGING THAT SWORD 💀💀 Bro is clearly so stressed istg. C'mon Blaine the curse tattoo doesn't look THAT bad. It looks aight if you ask me. I would even say it's unique.

Yeahhh! What Whitney said! Lmao I'm so sorry but this scene reminds me of Steven Universe and Spinel. Whitney just wanna talk it out :') he has changed so much from his old self.

YOOOO ALL THE ELDEST SIBLINGS ARE GIVING BLAINE A REALITY CHECK. Maria, Whitney, Calpernia. Snap outta it Blaine please.

"I'd like to cut in" Goals. I do also want to start my battle by saying a pun. I can't wait for Prez vs Blaine!! It's going to be sick.

THE MAIDS. HOLY MOLY (haha get it?). Of course they also have weapons. It makes sense considering how protective Jack is! Also

Was. Was the cleaver not enough? Lol 💀

I am even more hyped for Leland vs The maids!

Well, that's it for now. That was a long ass post lmao. I'm gonna go back to class.

Mono out! (But still in to hear your thoughts)

[may-bee-its-just-me]

personal life update

Hey yall, i figured i'd take some time to give a personal life update as well as allow myself to vent for a second. I'll start with the positives for those not interested in the emotional bits :]

I've been making more substantial steps towards buying a car! I've been looking into this one Saturn, and while it's got a few minor issues, it's still my best option so far. Hoping to buy it for 2000, or 2500-3000 if the seller is willing to continue fixing the current known issues.

I've also been growing a bit closer to God, and I've been finding peace among the chaos. I'm learning to lean on Him for support - which has been an uphill battle against myself and the feeling I need to cling onto what i can control, but when i have been able to let go it's been very freeing. I'm still working on myself and growing in Christ, but progress is progress.

I recently got promoted to Crew trainer (about a month or two ago). I'm now making 75 cents more an hour than I did this time last year, after two biannual performance reviews and a promotion. I heard rumors that I'd been in consideration for a management position but I havent been talked to about it specifically, and I'm not sure if I'd accept if offered it. Still flattering to know though :]

Apparently more than once, customers have spoken to my managers and possibly even some higher ups praising my work ethic. I think its specifically when working on front counter/in lobby, as I'm most actively engaging with customers then and they can see me compulsively scanning over lobby for trash when im otherwise not busy. Regardless, it's nice to know I'm making a genuine positive impact on customers' experiences and potentially the rest of their days. Today, one such pair of customers is an older couple known for being very particular, occasionally rude/difficult to serve. They had already called our regional manager that day to complain before I was moved up front, saw them, and said hi. Later on one of my managers came up to me and had mentioned they liked me, and I assume said something to them about it. :]

On the flip side, i've been in a depressive funk for several months now. I'm actually questioning if it's a depressive funk, or if I'm always depressed and sometimes it's just...not as bad. But the last few weeks have been worse. I'm struggling to take care of myself, and while it's not as bad as it has gotten before - I went three days without showering this week and lately i've been routinely skipping showers after maintaining showering almost daily for a year.

For the last few weeks I keep going back and forth between losing my appetite, and eating myself into feeling sick. I'm pretty sure this is from grief and will pass though.

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks/almost a month ago. For reasons, although there wasn't any real conflict between us during the relationship, it was more internal conflict and convictions. We'd been getting distracted with each other, putting off other things to spend time with each other. He needed to focus on his health and figuring his life out. Part of me still wants to cling onto hope he'll come back around, wants to go back and fight back against his reasons for leaving, because I damn know he still cares about me more than friends. But I'm trying to just trust that if we're meant to be, God will bring us together again naturally when we're ready for it. Trying to focus on getting my shit together on my end, and let Him figure the rest out. We're still friends, and through the relationship we were always friends above all else, so I'm thankful to still just have him in my life. I'll be okay, but the grief does eat away at me sometimes. I thought I had been recovering from it pretty well, but that was suppression (oops). I keep going back and forth from feeling okay about it, and feeling like a piece of me is missing. I even get mad at him from time to time, blaming him for my hurt feelings. "You promised forever" "you actively encouraged me to open up and lean on you, encouraged me to share my burdens with you, and now im supposed to just be okay with that ripped away" and then i see him, and i remember its not his fault, and he's always had my best interest in mind. Even in breaking up with me, he was doing out of the place of wanting what was best for both of us, and thought I deserved someone who already had everything together and wasnt a mess in himself. I know he genuinely meant every word he said in the moment, because i saw him. I saw it in his eyes. I saw it in his actions. I found the card he gave me for my birthday, and it made me cry, because it hurts my heart to think he's breaking both of our hearts needlessly. But everything happens for a reason, and so I'm trying to just...go with the flow of wherever this season of my life takes me. It hurts to think of either of us moving on with someone else, but whatever happens happens. I have so much love to give, and it's a challenge to find somewhere in the tangible physical realm to put it.

Silver lining, he said I can keep the shirt and hoodie he had let me borrow before. I've been wearing his hoodie everywhere...The only thing stopping me from still carrying my promise ring around is the sensory issues that caused me to stop wearing it to work in the first place.

The few coworkers I've told are convinced we're going to get back together soon, but again, trying to trust God and not my own hopes and dreams lol At the very least, no one can gossip about the break up because they can still see us laughing and getting along fine at work. A different couple had briefly broken up, and the amount of gossip that was floating around was awful - everyone talking trash about either person involved because there was a lot of friction between them. I'm just glad that wont be the case for us, and if we don't reunite anytime soon, at least we can still function at work more or less normally.

thats all tonight folks. Thanks for reading, God bless.

-Mod Bee🐝

[p-cruz]

昔見つけた細切れな画像たちを 日本語の対話の流れとして違和感のないように並べると これが正しいのではないかと思える状態にしてみました 一箇所語尾が写っていない部分の補足としては ジャンの台詞なので単に「なった」よりも 「なったんだ」「なったんだよ」などのほうが適当かもしれませんし さらになにかつけたした言葉もあったのかまでは まったく予測できませんけれども… 訓練兵時代の思い出話などはまさにjeanmarco ficに そのままなありそうな光景なのが本当におもしろいです I tried to arrange the shredded images I found in the past so that they fit together as a flow of Japanese dialogue, and put them in a state that I thought was correct. As an addition to the part where the end of a word is not shown in the image, since this is Jean's dialog, it might be more appropriate to say "なったんだ" or "なったんだよ" rather than simply "なった". Also, I have no idea if there are any additional words that he might have added to this dialog or not… It was really interesting to hear his memories of his time as a trainee, which is exactly the kind of scene you would expect to see in a jeanmarco fic.

───

CLOSEUP INTERVIEW ジャン・キルシュタイン Jean Kirstein 前編 Part One

[2014/6/10 Updated]

若さが振りまく棘と、年齢以上に大人びた表情の共存する、等身大の若者。 ジャン・キルシュタインは、誰にでもある思春期の面影を残しながら、兵士としての揺るぎなさも感じさせる少年だった。 インタビューをはじめると告げると、彼は形式通りの敬礼をし、それから照れたようにそっぽを向いた─ A life-size young man with the thorniness that comes with youth, yet with an appearance more mature than his years. Jean Kirstein was a boy who retained the adolescent facade that we all have, but who was also a soldier and unwavering. When I told him I was going to start the interview, he gave me a formal salute and then turned away as if embarrassed.

CLOSEUP INTERVIEW ジャン 誰に言われたわけでもねぇ。 自分で決めて、 調査兵になったんだ "No one told me to do it. I decided on my own, I joined the Survey Corps." ─ Jean

─今日はよろしくお願いします。 ─さて、手元の資料には、ジャンさんが調査兵になることを決意する際、同期のマルコ・ボットさんの戦死がきっかけになった、とあります。彼について、詳しく伺っても? Q: Thank you for your time today. In the data, it says that the death in battle of Marco Bott, a classmate of yours, was a factor in your decision to join the Survey Corps. Can I ask you more about him?

ジャン「……ああ。訊かれると思ってたよ」 ジャン「マルコは……いいヤツだった。いいヤツすぎるくらいにな。いつも物事を俯瞰して見られるくせに、情には篤くて、仲間を思いやってる……そんなヤツだった」 Jean: …Oh. I knew you would ask. Marco was… a nice guy. He was too good to be true. He always kept things in perspective, but was also a caring and compassionate guy who cared about his friends.

─お二人の関係はどのようなものだったのですか? Q: What was your relationship like?

ジャン「何だかんだで、つるんでることが多かったよ。成績が近いから、訓練で一緒になることもよくあったし……」 Jean: We used to hang out a lot, for what it's worth. Our grades were close, so we were often together in training…

─話は合いましたか。 Q: Did you have a good conversation?

ジャン「イヤ、どうだろうな。オレはあいつの優等生なところをからかってばっかりで……それでもマルコのヤツ、笑ってたな。本当……あのころのオレみたいに、自分のことしか考えてないヤツに、何でつきあってたんだろうな……」 Jean: I don't know. I always teased him about his honor student ways… but Marco just laughed. I wonder… why he went out with a guy like me who only thought about himself…

─ケンカなどはされなかった。 Q: Have you had any fights?

ジャン「そもそも、あいつが怒るって事が、めったになかったからな……でも」 Jean: It was rare for him to get angry in the first place. But…

─何かエピソードがありますか。 Q: Do you have any episodes?

ジャン「訓練でいい点を取ろうとして、ついケガなんかすると、機嫌が悪くなってた。マルコは誰に対しても、そうだったけどよ」 Jean: He would get in a bad mood if I got hurt trying to get a good score in training. However, he was like that with everyone.

─逆に、励まされたことなどは。 Q: On the contrary, have you ever been encouraged?

ジャン「よく……あった。訓練兵のころのオレは、自分が優秀だってことに絶対の自信があったからな。今考えればガキだけどよ……ちょっと失敗したりすると、すぐしょぼくれてたんだよ。そういうとき傍に居てくれんのは、マルコだった」 Jean: It… happened often. When I was a trainee, I had absolute confidence in my own excellence, but now I think I was just a kid. …But when I made the slightest mistake, I was always depressed. It was Marco who was there for me at those times.

─何か言葉をかけられたり? Q: Did you have him say anything to you?

ジャン「それが、黙って近くに居るだけなんだ。で、オレがくだらねぇ愚痴を言っても、そうだね、とか、真正面から受け止めて……」 Jean: But he just stayed close without saying a word. And when I would grumble about something silly, he would take it seriously and say something like, 'Right'…

─理解者だったわけですね。 Q: So he was your understanding.

ジャン「そうだな。卒業間近のころには『ジャンは強い人ではないから』なんて、言われるようにもなっちまってたからな。色んなこと……一緒に経験してたんだな」 Jean: That's right. I think the reason he said things like 'you're not a strong person' so close to graduation was because we had been through so much… together.

─しかし、兵団の志望はマルコさんも憲兵だったわけですよね?　彼の死が調査兵になる動機となったいきさつは? Q: But you and Marco both wanted to join the Military Police, didn't you? How did his death motivate you to become a member of the Survey Corps?

ジャン「マルコは……オレが『今、何をするべきか』わかる人間だ、と言ったんだ。オレは最初、聞き流してたが……トロスト区のことが終わって、その意味がわかった。その時すべきことが見えた。まるで、死んだマルコに未来を託されたみたいな気分に［なった（?）］ Jean: He said… I was a person who knew what need to be done. At first I didn't take him seriously, …but after what happened in Trost, I understood what he meant. I could see what I needed to do at that time. At the same time, I felt as if Marco, who had passed away, had entrusted me with the future.

─「今、何をするべきか」の出所は、マルコさんというわけですね。 Q: So the word 'what should I do now' is because of what he said, I see.

ジャン「それに、やり場のない後悔と責任も感じたよ。別の班だったとはいえ……マルコは、オレが一緒にいたら、死なずに済んだんじゃないかってな」 Jean: I also felt a sense of regret and responsibility. Even though we were in different squads, …I wondered if I had been with him, he wouldn’t have died.

─仕方のないことですが、そう考えるのも無理はありませんね。 Q: There is nothing anyone can do about that incident now, but it was not hard to see why you would think so.

ジャン「襲撃の後、次は誰が死ぬ番かなんて……考えちまった。そのとき、そこにオレがいれば……そいつを救えるんじゃないかとも思ったんだ」 Jean: After the attack, I wondered who would be next to die. I thought that if I was there, I might be able to save them.

───

翻訳アプリに助けてもらって対訳もなんとかつくってみました わたしは英語は大体読めてもうまく書くことがあまりできないので おかしな部分があってもお許しください With the help of a translation app, I managed to add a translation as well. I can read most of English, but I can't write very well, so please forgive me if there are some oddities in my writing.

[earthgrudgefear]

Ok character meme thingy: Kakuzu!!! 🥺🫀

THANK GOD and thank You !

favorite thing about them: oh my god hi where does one start. the love of my life. UM. this is going to be a comparatively superficial answer but he's so fucking powerful. why is he so powerful. it was INSANE of kishimoto to just throw this guy into the series where the ONLY way he could be taken down was with a jutsu that SEVERED HIS ENTIRE CHAKRA NETWORK IN A SINGLE BLOW. he rips people's still beating hearts out of their rib cages with his Bare Hand because somehow he can turn his entire body into the hardest material on earth. he beat people up with a briefcase. he doesn't have a skeleton he's made of living spaghetti. he spent half of the two fights he was in just strangling people looking downright bored. my favorite thing about him is everything about him but this is what i'm talking about today. also he's hot send tweet.

least favorite thing about them: no there isn't one. my least favorite thing about him is how he was treated in the story. my least favorite thing is that he WAS that powerful and they killed him in a 16 episode arc. my least favorite thing is he fought the first god damn hokage and we don't ever get to hear about it.

favorite line:

brOTP: yeah so deidara, it's strange that the akatsuki hardly ever talk to each other outside of meetings and their partners BUT it's canon that kakuzu had to reattach deidara's arms. i imagine they had to talk about something, find the time and place to meet. and i think it pisses hidan off because i KNOW he was with them and they were probably both ganging up on him. kakuzu was like 'finally someone i can be bitchy with' and deidara was like 'finally someone who's not just bitchy to me !'

OTP: look. kakuhida changed my life for the worse probably. kakuzu being notorious for killing his partners, assigned a partner he Can't Kill and yet how often does he try? instead he puts him back together, warns him to watch his back. he does like everything hidan asks him to "stay out of the fight" and he does, even if it's just to prove a point "come help" and he does. this otherwise cruel and relentless man, being so uncharacteristically Caring towards the most annoying man in the world. cept that it's not uncharacteristic at all, cause he does it all the time

nOTP: wow don't see a lot of kakuzu ships. hashirama is common but i wouldn't say it's a notp. just. why waste you time on that guy. saw him with tenten one, thought that was fucked up. i don't think him and deidara make sense if not platonically but i guess i've seen it a couple times too.... not a lot of kakuzu ships out there. tumblr's gonna take this as a sign to recommend me the most rancid kakuzu ships i can tell. maybe i'll have an update in a couple weeks.

random headcanon: he Definitely has lots of medical knowledge. and i didn't mention it in hidan's post but i think they both do. but with kakuzu basically being a frankenstein experiment, having knowledge about the vascular system makes sense. and the fact that he's regularly reattaching body parts he has to know SOMETHING past the basics

unpopular opinion: my unpopular opinion is that i love him 😭 gotta be one of the Least liked akatsuki members

song i associate with them: i couldn't explain it if i tried. hallowed be thy name iron maiden

favorite picture of them:

i'm gay. thanks for your time

y'all can still send more i could do this forever

[sophieleehughes]

ooc; CONNECTION PLOT CALL & WARNING LONG POST 🤗

// hi lovelies! My son is getting a procedure done today so I'm off work until tomorrow evening! So I will be on mainly all day today. I am going to be updating/changing Sophie's intro as well as make Cody and Emerson's intros as well!

I'm going to post my wanted connections for each character! If you want to fill that connection or have a different one in mind, dm me and we can chat!

Sophie most wanted connections:

- you're a wound that never closed; For this connection I'm looking for an ex for Sophie. The two of them were together for years and at first started out great, but as years passed, the connection dropped and things got more tense and distant. This connection can be with someone in WWE or AEW. I'm open to either!

- you saw me at my worst and you stayed; For this connection, I feel like Sophie would benefit from a slow burn romance. Due to her past relationship, she is strict on herself to not let anyone in and has an ongoing fear of commitment. I would love to have her branch out and become comfortable again with being loved by someone.

- i need you to not wanna be mine; Due to Sophie's past relationship complications and her fear of love or commitment. Friends with benefits are the one thing that provides her with comfort but not the fear of commitment. This connection can be taken by two characters.

- we're partners in crime; These are Sophie's bestest friends that she is able to trust with her whole heart. These are the people that stayed by her through the good and the bad. They don't judge her and support her through whatever she wants to do. Two or three characters can be in this connection!

Cody's ( @americannightmarex ) most wanted connections:

- no person is sent to you by accident; I am playing Cody as a divorced single dad so I am interested in having a friends to lovers connection for this man. Cody has been focusing on providing the best life for Liberty and has put his love life on the back burner so it would be nice to try and get him to put himself first and experience love again with someone else.

- i heard it in your voice when your love died; If we were to ever get a Brandi (hint, hint 👀) this would be the connection that would be for her and Cody. Brandi and Cody have been divorced for a few years, towards the end of his time at AEW. The two drifted apart and love slowly faded away, ignoring one another which in the end affected Liberty.

- sometimes best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand; One night stand connection is something that Cody can be interested in before he gets the chance to find someone he loves. These one night stands can be any that happen in the past or that can happen in the future. This connection can be filled by more than one people.

Emerson's ( @emersonharter ) most wanted connections:

- something always brings me back to you; Emerson had a past toxic relationship that has been going back and forth for two years. They are consistently on and off. When they are on, they are constantly fighting and never getting along. When they are off, they miss each other and feel the need to fix things.

- in a world of billions, i found you; Emerson is someone who loves everything love and romance. After being in a toxic romance, Emerson has yet to fill a real love with commitment and emotion. I could see this benefiting and starting as a friends to lovers. She would have more trust if it started off as a friendship.

[dlea203]

5 years - Hannix AU

A/N: Hello☺️! Seems like I'm getting a little better at updating at least a little more frequently, but don't hold me to a specific pace, please😅! Inspiration has been flowing these past few days and I'm pretty happy with how this chapter turned out. I hope you like it too😌. As always, comments/reblogs/likes/ideas are greatly appreciated and very welcome🥰!

ALSO: Thank you to all of you who have continuously interacted with this story🥰! You guys are the best!!!

Taglist: @carsgeek24 (as requested, my love😉💗) @sweetwhispersofchaos

Warnings: angst, fluff (I'm trying to put as much fluff into the chapters as possible to make up for the angst, I hope it's still bearable😬)

Previous chapter / Next chapter

Chapter Seven

September 16th, 4 years ago…

He wished he had a camera with him. To capture the magnificent sight currently presented to him. The gold and orange rays of sunshine were slowly crawling up the rocks, spreading their warmth as far as possible. From the rocks they jumped onto the walls of the houses in the village. You could feel them warming up the clay if you put your hands flat on the walls. And with that, as if the sunlight acted as its energizer, the village slowly came to life. 

The men and elder boys left the houses, farming equipment in hand. Yes, farming equipment. Although this region of Afghanistan was rather sandy and consisted mostly of never-ending deserts, the “high lands” around the rocks had quite some fertile soil. That’s why most of the villages were built there. There weren’t thousands of acres of fertile soil, but it was enough to supply the whole village. Sure, rain wasn’t too common around here, but the Afghan people, as Jake had come to learn over the past year, were pretty creative when it came to providing the village with sufficient supplies. 

The women said goodbye to them, sometimes even with small kisses on the forehead or cheeks. And, most importantly, never without the promise of being home for lunch. 

Jake sat on the steps in front of their house and faced the rising sun, his arms braced on top of his knees. He just watched, as practically every morning. But this morning was different. Not because something was out of order, but rather because today was a special date. And the reason why he wished he had a camera to capture this view. Today was Lynn’s birthday. Her first birthday.

And he wasn’t home.

If he had a camera, he could snap a pic and put it into a frame to gift his daughter. Although she would still be too small to comprehend the meaning behind his gift, he wished so desperately to be able to do it, nonetheless. Because this view was a metaphor for what he felt when Lynn came into this world. His whole damn world lit up when his princess made her grand entrance. Lynn, together with Nat of course, was his sun. His girls were the reason he kept fighting when his jet fell from the sky. He knew, should he give up, there would just be darkness on the other end of the tunnel. But his girls, back at home, they were the light. And just as beautiful as this sunrise here.

“Hey Jake!”

He didn’t even need to turn around to know who just called his name.

“What is it, Zahra?”

“Ma looks for you. Breakfast is ready.”

The sixteen-year-old girl plopped down onto the steps next to him, smiling brightly at him from the side. Jake smiled back, offering her a fist-bump. She bumped her fist against his, furrowing her brows.

“I still don’t understand why you do that. It’s… what’s the word again? It’s not silly, but…”

“Weird?”, he offered, smirking.

“Yes! Weird, that’s it.”

Jake laughed, shaking his head, and proudly listened to Zahra rattle off numerous reasons why the fist-bump-thing was weird and how many other not-weird-ways-to-greet-each-other there were. Why proudly? Back when the people of this village helped him out of his misery, at least to the best of their abilities, Jake felt this need to give something back for their help. At first, they refused, but then he had an idea. Jake offered to teach the kids, and later the grown-ups, basic English. Isaad presented his idea to the people of the village, explaining how beneficial it would be if the kids understood and spoke English. Especially if the American troops would find their way into the village. First, the men agreed to let Jake teach only the boys, because they were afraid that the Taliban would find out that the girls were taught too. But then Jake was able to convince them of letting him teach both girls and boys. And Zahra was an eager student. She practically soaked up the English language like a sponge. After only a few weeks, she was able to form grammatically correct sentences and speak freely about easy topics. Jake was sure he’d rarely been this proud before in his life. Now, after a year of practice, she was able to speak very freely about different topics and rarely made grammatical mistakes. Sometimes the words didn’t come to her right away, but the ones she knew she used correctly. And while he taught the kids English, they taught him their Afghan dialect. Although he wasn’t quite as fast as Zahra, she was a very patient teacher and spent hours on end going over the words and grammar with him. What he quickly did, was understand. He was able to follow dinner or lunch conversations between the family members and he understood what Isaad was translating when he spoke with someone of the village. Speaking was a different topic. But it came too, with time. The one thing he’d never forget was her reaction when he spoke his first Afghan sentence without a mistake. She’d jumped up from her spot at the kitchen table, squealing like she wanted the walls to burst and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. Jake had felt a rush of pure happiness speed through his veins. A very emotional moment that he’d treasure for the rest of his life.

“Hello? Are you still there?”, Zahra interrupted his train of thoughts.

“Sorry. What did you say?”

Zahra narrowed her eyes, mused at him, before her gaze fell on his right fist that was tightly clasping something. She reached for his hand, gently untangled his fingers, and took a piece of paper out of his hand. A photo. Zahra smiled at him knowingly and a little sad, mirroring his expression.

“You miss her, yeah?”

“Every day, yes.”

Zahra carefully brushed her index finger over the photo.

“What was her name again? Something with an “N”, right?”

“Natasha”, Jake answered absentmindedly, staring at the orange ball that was the sun.

“Right… Natasha. Beautiful name for a beautiful woman.”

“She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met”, Jake agreed, smiling dreamily for a short second before the longing feeling took over again and squeezed his heart tightly inside his chest.

“You never talk about her. Why?”

Jake sighed, dropping his gaze onto the sandy road, mentally steeling himself for this conversation.

“Because it hurts when I talk about her. Or when I think too much about her. I miss her so much, and there’s no chance I get to see her anytime soon. So, I’m trying not to think about her too much or else I’ll go crazy.”

Zahra nodded, understanding. Her gaze rested on the picture of Natasha. Jake’s gaze joined her. It was a picture he’d taken last summer at the beach in San Diego. It’d been a pretty hot day and since Natasha had been 7 months pregnant at the time, they’d had no choice but to go out and spend a few hours at the beach. He’d taken many pictures over the course of the afternoon, but this one was without a doubt his favorite. She was sitting on her knees, her left profile facing him. Her right hand was hugging her baby belly, her left hand braced on her lower back. She was looking down at her belly with the biggest smile on her face. Her hair was up in a cute and kinda messy bun with a few stray locks that framed her face. The lighting made her look like a vision. That photo was one of those once-in-a-lifetime-shots, which was the reason why Jake used to keep it in the chest pocket of his flight suit. Now, he kept it within the tunic he wore. Where it was always safe and with him, just like his girls who were always in his heart. The other picture of them he kept with him in the jet must have burned in the flames…

“And the baby?”

Zahra was, as Jake had come to learn over the past year, a very curious girl and loved to cut straight to the point. He chuckled sadly.

“It’s a girl. She was born on this day last year. Her name is Lynn”, Jake answered, doing his very best to keep the tears at bay.

“You were there when she was born?”

“Yes. It was a long night”, he laughed, gently shaking his head at the memory.

“How long?”

“Almost 20 hours of labor… but Nat was an absolute champ. She did fantastic. We were both a little panicked at first when her water broke on the kitchen floor, but then we looked at each other and we knew – okay, we’re doing this now.”

Zahra chuckled, nodding her head, and focusing back on the picture.

“Then your daughter is one year old today?”

“Yeah, my princess is growing up fast. And I’m not even there to witness it…”

He averted his gaze, looking back at the rising sun. Zahra carefully placed her hand on his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You will see her again one day. I’m sure.”

Jake looked at her, smiling thankfully. He didn’t need to say it out loud, Zahra’s eyes told him that she knew. They enjoyed the silence for another couple of seconds, when suddenly their names were called: “Zahra! Jake!”

Amira appeared behind them in the doorway, her hands braced on her hips. She scolded them for not coming inside for breakfast and threatened to put them on dish duty for the rest of the month if they didn’t hurry. Jake and Zahra shared a worried look before laughing heartily and hurrying inside to join the family at breakfast.

*-*

But even if he’d talked about it for a few minutes, the painful thought of home didn’t leave his head for the rest of the day. He was uncharacteristically unfocused, which didn’t go unnoticed.

“Jake, what is going on with you?”, Isaad asked when he joined a few other men for a cup of tea in the late afternoon.

“What? Nothing.”

“Yes, of course. And I’m the American president”, Isaad retorted, earning a few laughs from the rest.

“Come on, what is wrong?”, Jahan pressed, gently shoving Jake, as if to give him the literal push over the edge.

Jake took a sip of his tea to buy himself some time. But he knew very well that he wouldn’t get out of the spotlight this easy. The expectant looks from his friends told him so as well. Sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose, he conceded.

“Today’s the first birthday of my daughter.”

While Isaad, Jahan and two other men sucked in a breath, a few others looked confused and waited for Isaad to translate. When he’d done so, they reacted about the same way. Jahan patted Jake’s shoulder this time, an apologetic smile on his face.

“I’m very sorry”, Isaad whispered.

“Yeah, it’s hard right now, but it’s gonna be fine. Hopefully I can go home soon to be there for her next birthday.”

“What’s her name?”, the man with the name Behnam asked.

“Lynn. L-y-n-n”, Jake spelled, “well, her full name is Lynn Helen Seresin.”

“Beautiful name”, Behnam’s neighbor, Hussain, commented, earning a few nods.

“Thank you. She’s a beautiful girl. One of the few things I did right in my life… besides making my wife marry me, obviously”, Jake laughed.

“What’s the name of your wife?”, Cirus asked, adding a spoon of sugar to his tea.

“Natasha Seresin since she became my wife, but her maiden name is Natasha Trace.”

“Natasha… very beautiful name also. She is a beautiful woman, I think?”, Cirus asked, chuckling.

“She is indeed.”

“Jake has a picture”, Jahan jumped in, motioning for Jake to show it to the others.

He carefully took it out of his tunic and showed it to the round. The men eyed it closely, Hussain even whistled through his teeth. Bahiri, the eldest of the village, took it out of Jake’s hand and held it into the light for a better view. 

“Very beautiful”, he nodded, handing it back to Jake with a smile.

“Thank you.”

Jake had never talked much about his home or his family. In the past year, he’d used most of his time to get to know the families here in the village and work his ass off so as they wouldn’t regret that they helped him. Besides teaching the kids English, he helped the men with basic repair work on the farming equipment or houses. Whatever was needed. On top of that, he helped with farming the fields as often as he could and lent Amira his hands within the household. There wasn’t much time to talk. And the people had been too busy adjusting to the fact that he was living with them now. They barely knew anything about him, and they rarely asked any questions. But of course, now that some time had passed and the topic had come up, they started to ask those questions. Beside talking about his familial life in San Diego, Jake offered a lot of stories from his time in the Navy. He told them how he’d met his wife, how they fell in love, what missions they’d been on together and which he’d done with his squadron. The men listened attentively, occasionally relying on Isaad and his translation skills. But Jake had gotten really good at explaining things in Afghan, so Isaad’s skills were becoming more irrelevant as time progressed. Slowly but surely, Jake was becoming a part of the village. But, although he was so grateful that they helped him and saw him as one of them, he couldn’t wait for the day where he got the chance to go home. Hopefully, that day would come soon…

*-*

Monday morning 6 a.m. came way too soon for Natasha’s liking. When her alarm went off, she huffed out an exasperated breath, hit the snooze button a little harder than usually and closed her eyes once more. A low chuckle greeted her at that, sending her heartbeat through the roof for a second.

“Still not a morning person”, Jake whispered, his devilish smile on full display.

“And I’ll never become one”, she retorted, scrunching up her nose without opening her eyes.

Jake laughed, before scooting closer to her, and wrapping his arm around her waist. He nuzzled his face into her neck and peppered her skin with little kisses, making her smile.

“How’d you survive the academy, flight school and all your deployments as a non-morning-person?”

“Guess I’m a surprise box”, she answered sleepily, pulling his arm tighter around her.

Jake chuckled again, pressing one last kiss to her cheek, before attacking her sides with his hands, tickling her. She immediately shrieked in shock.

“No, Jake! … Stop! … Stop!”

She tried to squirm away from him, but he kept her where she was, still tickling her.

“Jake, please!”

He had mercy on her but pulled her on top of him to kiss her properly. Straddling his hips, she sighed into the kiss, finally opening her eyes to look at him. He brushed a lock of hair behind her right ear, looking at her in wonder. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe that she’d agreed to marry him. And that she had taken him back, even though he’d been away for five years.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”, she asked, searching his eyes.

“I’m not looking at you like that.”

“Yes, you are”, she chuckled, “do I have something on my face?”

“Besides unmatched beauty?”

She rolled her eyes at his cheesiness, shaking her head.

“I’m trying to make earnest conversation here, Jake. So please don’t behave like a child. Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I was just thinking… Over there in Afghanistan, I was wondering if the things I know about you are still true”, he answered hesitantly, tightening his grip on her hips.

Natasha furrowed her brows, cocking her head slightly to the side.

“Why that?”

He shrugged, averting his gaze, but she made him look at her again.

“A lot can change in five years. I thought… that maybe, well… I don’t know.”

“What did you think?”

“No, it’s dumb. Forget it.”

“Jake, what did you think?”

Her gaze was as insistent as her voice, letting him know that he wasn’t getting out of this this easily.

“I thought that… you discovered new things about yourself in the meantime, maybe with a different partner too… that the things you liked or disliked aren’t the same anymore as before Afghanistan.”

She sucked in a breath, spiking his insecurity even more.

“I said it’s dumb. Please forget I ever said that. I-I just… I’m sorry.”

He tried to push her off and climb out of bed to go bury himself somewhere in the backyard, but she didn’t move.

“Jake, I…”, she started, cupping his cheeks, and looking deep into his eyes, “I never had someone else.”

Now it was his turn to suck in a breath. He definitely hadn’t expected that answer. Not because he knew that she hadn’t been happy with him and would’ve jump at the first opportunity to find someone else, but because he knew what an amazing woman she was and how many men would gladly take his place if presented the opportunity. Although he’d always wished she would wait for him when he’d been in Afghanistan, he'd known that he couldn’t ask her to. He would never have. She more than deserved to be happy, and if he wasn’t able to make her happy for whatever reason, he couldn’t trap her in this marriage. He’d half expected to come here and find her with a new man at her side, maybe even already married. 

“You didn’t?!”

She furrowed her brows again before pulling them up.

“I’m sorry, what? Are you mad I didn’t?”

“No! No, of course not, I just – “

He stared at her, disbelieving and slightly dumbfounded, before grabbing her face and smashing his lips on hers. She gasped into his mouth but gladly accepted the kiss.

“You waited for me, baby? All those years?”, he asked in a whispering tone, still disbelievingly.

She smiled at him, tears welling up in her eyes at the hell that were the last five years.

“Oh Jake… I thought you were dead. They told me you died in a crash. I didn’t wait for you, I was grieving – mourning you, like a wife who loved her husband wholeheartedly, does.”

A tear made its way down her cheek, getting caught in the corner of her mouth that was stretched into a sad smile.

“So, tell me – who should have wanted me, hmm? Who should have wanted a grieving woman as their partner?”

He chuckled, gently brushing the wet path of her tear away from her cheek with his thumb.

“Well, let’s see… how about that one neighbor that used to look over his fence whenever you went jogging?”

“Vincent?”, Natasha laughed.

“Mhmm.”

She gently swatted his arm before shaking her head, still laughing.

“You know what? I actually expected him to shoot his shot when it was evident you wouldn’t return. But he never showed up, not even brought any flowers over. I’m not sure how I would’ve reacted if he came over though… probably not very friendly. I think I would’ve told him off. Or I would’ve held Lynn in his face, telling him that that little girl has just lost her father and he comes over to flirt with her mother… I don’t know, I surely wasn’t in a good place back then.”

Jake cupped her cheeks, pressing his forehead against hers.

“I’m sorry, darlin’. I’m sorry for making you go through that”, he whispered, taking a deep breath afterwards.

She shook her head, kissing him.

“No, don’t! Baby, you came back to me! You came back home; to Lynn and me. That is more than I ever could have asked for.”

Natasha brushed her thumb over his cheek, enjoying the feeling of his skin under hers.

“I love you, Jake Seresin. I always have and always will. But I will not let you out of my sight for the foreseeable future, my beloved husband”, she said, chuckling and pointing at him with her finger.

He chuckled too, kissing said pointer finger.

“Don’t worry, Misses Seresin. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.”

*-*

Hand in hand, their daughter a few strides in front of them, they strolled up to the kindergarten building. More than a few curious looks from other parents followed them on their way to the front door. Jake’s grip tightened a tiny bit when they entered the foyer and followed Lynn to her place in the wardrobe space. But Natasha smiled at him and as fast as his worries arose, they disappeared again. Jake crouched down in front of Lynn, took her little backpack, and proudly watched her untie her shoes, all the while keeping up the conversation they started before. Natasha stood a little bit aside, watching them, when the kindergarten teacher, Ms. Janine Robinson, walked up to her.

“Misses Seresin, it’s good to see you again! It’s been a while. How are you?”

“I’m very good, thank you. How are you?”

“Good too. It’s gonna be a busy day, but I’m sure you know how it is.”

Ms. Robinson crossed her arms over her chest, setting eyes on Lynn and Jake for the first time. 

“Oh, I see a new face! May I ask who that is?”, she asked carefully, eyeing Jake up and down.

“That’s Jake Seresin; my husband and Lynn’s father.”

Ms. Robinson turned her head sharply, her eyes widening and her mouth just so staying shut.

“Your husband?! But I thought you told me… I mean… didn’t you say that he died?”

“That’s what I thought for the past five years. But apparently, I was wrong, and so was the Navy.”

“Are you sure?”

Natasha raised an eyebrow at that, fixing Miss Robinson with a daring glare.

“I think I’m very well able to recognize my husband and the father of my daughter, but thank you for your concerns, Janine.”

The young teacher immediately averted her gaze for a second, looking down at her shoes in shame.

“I’m sorry, that was inappropriate. It’s just, you know… I’ve seen a couple of movies and reports where someone returned after a long time, but it wasn’t the person that originally left and the families were fooled, because so much time has passed and stuff – “

“I know what you mean, but trust me, he’s the real Jake Seresin.”

Natasha snorted.

“I’ve spent the last five years memorizing every last detail I know about him. I can confirm, without a doubt, that that man is the man I married.”

Ms. Robinson nodded, watching Jake’s interaction with Lynn with great interest.

“And Lynn is taking it well?”

“Yes, why?”

“Oh, you know, I’ve talked to her about her father a few times over the last year… I was surprised how much she knew about him since she never met him consciously. But she told me a lot about him, and that she knows that he’s with the angels.”

Natasha nodded.

“When the Navy told me that he’d died, Lynn was just over two months old. I realized pretty soon that I had to make a decision… either I tell her the truth about her father and who he was from the start, or I lie to her and make up excuses until she’s old enough to know the truth.”

Ms. Robinson nodded understandingly, following Natasha’s explanation attentively.

“I went for the first route, obviously. I wanted her to know who her father was. I wanted her to know where she came from. That she’d been born into a home full of love, into arms who’d be there for her for the rest of her life. And that those weren’t just my arms… Jake loved her from the first moment that he knew of her, just like me. He was so on board, it was frightening”, she chuckled, shaking her head. 

”I sometimes even questioned if the same man that I married still lived with me.”

Janine laughed, not tearing her eyes away from how Lynn dragged her father straight into the main room of the kindergarten to show him where she liked to play.

“She was always supposed to know who he was and what he and I had. On some nights, when she wouldn’t go down without crying for an hour because he wasn’t there, I wondered whether I really made the right choice… whether I caused her more pain by telling her the truth… but then I looked at old pics of our time before Lynn and I saw where she got her green eyes and big smile from, and I just… I just couldn’t lie.”

“I get that”, Ms. Robinson answered, gently touching Natasha’s arm, “I’m glad that it’s going well. How long has he been back?”

“He came home Saturday noon. I had our friends over for one of our monthly gatherings. You can imagine the chaos that followed when he suddenly appeared at the door, looking as if he’d never been gone…”

“Oh, yeah, I can picture that!”, Ms. Robinson laughed, nodding her head.

Natasha chuckled, checking her watch when the bell went off. Ms. Robinson did so too, gasping in surprise.

“Oh, I swear, time is running faster these days! I have to get the kids gathered together… I’m very sorry to leave this conversation hanging in the air, Misses Seresin. Would you excuse me?”

“Sure. Have a good day.”

Natasha watched her run off to the entrance, welcoming the last kids that were brought by their parents. Then, she peaked her head around the corner into the main room, chuckling to herself at the scene presented to her. Lynn was proudly showing Jake all her drawings, going over them with him in an almost analytic way. Natasha walked up to them, weaving her fingers through Lynn’s light curls, that were tied into a ponytail.

“Hi baby. Are you showing daddy all your drawings?”

“Yes, mommy!”

“They’re beautiful, princess. You should make more, you’re talented. Maybe you become a famous painter one day”, Jake said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“You think so?”

“Mhmm.”

“Woah, okay, there’s still a lot of time until then. For now, daddy and I have to say goodbye, sweetheart. We’re gonna pick you up in the afternoon, okay?”

“Can’t you stay?”

“No, and you know why. But you’re a big girl, you’ll be fine. Right?”

Natasha crouched down and adjusted Lynn’s hair tie, cupping her cheek.

“I love you, baby. Give me a kiss, yeah?”

Lynn kissed her on the lips, before throwing her arms around Natasha’s neck and squeezing her tightly.

“Love you too, mommy.”

Then, she turned to Jake and flew into his arms, giggling at him pressing a loud kiss on her cheek.

“I love you so much, princess. Be nice and behave, can you do that for me?”

“Yes, daddy. Love you.”

When Ms. Robinson walked in with the rest of the kids, that was their cue to leave. They walked to the door, looking back once more to watch Lynn take a seat on her chair in the circle, waving at them before engaging in a conversation with the girl sitting next to her.

“She’s such a big girl already”, Jake whispered in awe.

Natasha nodded, taking his hand in hers and looking at him for a second before looking back at Lynn.

“Our little princess.”

*-*

After they left the kindergarten, they drove straight into the city center, heading for the town hall. Although they’d only called this morning, they had managed to get a spontaneous appointment with the civil registrar in order to sort of “reorganize” Jake’s life from a legal point of view. He’d been considered dead for the past five years, not only from a familial and military point of view, but also legally. They needed to set Natasha’s civil status back to “married” and made sure that Jake was still correctly listed as Lynn’s biological and legal father. A lot of paperwork, but the civil registrar was a nice and funny guy, which made the hours fly by quickly.

*-*

“What would you say if I took you out for a lunch date?”, Jake asked, when they left the town hall hand in hand.

“A lunch date?”

“Precisely.”

“I’d say, I’m starving and if you don’t get me food within the next half hour, I will become your worst nightmare.”

Jake laughed, kissing her cheek.

“Lunch date it is.”

Although it’d been a while, he still remembered their favorite restaurant for lunch dates. Stealing glances at each other over the edge of their menus was still a thing, too. To celebrate their reunion, they enjoyed a glass of wine. They did some small talk here and there, nothing too deep. Well, at least until they finished their main courses. The waiter had just picked up their plates and promised to be back with the dessert menu, when Natasha cleared her throat, picking at a breadcrumb.

“I… I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything, but you know that I’ve not been blessed with the ability to be patient. And we won’t have much time to ourselves in the next few days or weeks. I took off work today, but tomorrow I have to go back, and you’ll surely have to report to base within this week to get things sorted out… we’ll have to call your parents, my parents, my brothers – they’ll probably all want to visit us as soon as possible! It’s gonna be a lot of stress–“

“Nat, what is it?”

She sighed, taking a deep breath. Hesitantly, she met his gaze, pursing her lips.

“When will you tell me what happened to you?”

His face fell and he moved slightly back, letting go of her hands on the table. His hands disappeared into his lap and his gaze switched over to the window. Natasha sat up straighter, desperation washing over her face.

“Jake, I – please, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to–“

“I already told you, Nat, I can’t just… I can’t just talk about that on a lunch date. It’s–“

“But you can tell me anything, Jake, I promise!”

“This has nothing to do with you! Nat…”

Jake sighed, squeezing his eyes shut, focusing on his breathing for a moment, before looking at her again.

“It’s not that I can’t tell you. But it’s… it’s so much, and so much of it is ugly and heavy. I don’t want to burden you with it. You’re working almost full-time, there’s Lynn, our friends, our families, the house… You have so much on your plate already, I can’t put this on your shoulders too just like that.”

“Jake, you don’t have to worry about me, I can handle it.”

Jake shook his head, pulled out his wallet and waved the waiter over. Out of politeness, Natasha kept quiet, but inside, she was raging. Her husband knew how much she hated it when he babied her, when he tried to play the macho.

They left the restaurant in a hurry, heading straight for their car in the parking lot. But there, Natasha crossed her arms over her chest, planting her feet and staring him down.

“You know perfectly well what I can handle. So don’t worry about that.”

“Yes, I do worry about that. And yes, I know what you can handle, but this is another caliber–“

“Do not treat me like a child, Jake Seresin! I’m your goddamn wife! We vowed to treat each other as equal partners in this marriage, so live up to that!”

“I’m not treating you like a child! I’m trying to protect you from knowing what I’ve been through, because I want you to be able to sleep at night!”, he shouted, standing mere inches from her and fixing her with a hard glare.

She gasped slightly at that. Seeing naked fear flickering in his eyes made her insides squirming. Jake tried getting his breathing back under control, turning away and rubbing his hands over his face. She stood frozen where she was, processing what just happened. Slowly, he turned back around and walked up to her, cupping her cheeks tenderly. There were tears in his eyes, making her heart drop into her stomach.

“You don’t want to know what I’ve seen, Nat. Trust me, you don’t. I’m just trying to protect you, I swear, that’s all I’m doing”, he whispered, barely keeping his tears at bay.

She grabbed his wrists, pressing her forehead against his.

“I want to help you. Please, Jake, let me help you. Let me help you carry this burden. Please”, she whispered, choking on a sob.

He sighed, deeper than she’d ever heard him sigh. Some of the tears in his eyes escaped, sliding down his cheeks.

“Nat–“

“Please!”

She pulled back slightly and looked deep into his eyes, carefully drying his cheeks with her thumbs. He stared at her, contemplating. He knew she wouldn’t give up and it would only cause more flashbacks for him whenever she brought it up. He knew too, that he needed to talk to someone about it. And who did he trust more than his wife?

“Please Jake. I know how much you suffer; I can see it in your eyes. They don’t hold the same light anymore as they used to. Let me help you, I beg you”, she sobbed.

Jake didn’t want that she cried because of him. She must’ve done enough of that over the past five years. He didn’t want to hurt her, and he knew that he would continue to do so as long as he refused to let her in on the past five years of his life.

“Okay.”

His voice was no more than a whisper. She sucked in a breath, her lips curling into a small smile.

“I will tell you, once the stress of the next few weeks is over. Once we’re settled in, once our families know about me and had the chance of visiting us. I promise you, by my sister’s honor, that I will tell you everything then. Can you live with that?”

She nodded, kissing him deeply.

“I love you, sweetheart”, Jake whispered against her lips.

“I love you, honey”, Natasha whispered back, falling into his arms.

[lualuabestningdungie]

Timeless | C. Beomgyu 02. Love letters

Synopsis: There's antique shop down the block, and somehow yn felt the need to visit it. While looking at the artefacts and old treasures the shop had, a cardboard box with a ´photos 25c each´ sign caught her attention. As she took a look at it, she saw that it contained some old pictures, but what happens when she sees herself and her boyfriend Beomgyu in them?

Warnings: mentions of war and death, slight angst, separation, missing someone. mentions of food, might contain grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.

Lua’s note: Hello :):) welcome to chapter two! I’m sorry if the updates take a while 😰 I usually write when I feel inspired and lately it’s been hard to receive inspiration, but I’m trying my best!! I hope you are enjoying the story so far :)

Start

1944

The November sun peered through the window of the newly married couple’s house. It was a quiet morning where you could hear the soft air breeze moving the branches of the trees.

Yn and Beomgyu were having breakfast under a comfortable silence. Beomgyu was scribbling on his notebook and yn was reading the newspaper that arrived earlier that morning.

“Things are getting worse in Japan.” You sighed putting the newspaper down.

“Yeah, I’ve heard there’s a war starting.” Beomgyu placed down his pen next to his notebook and sipped his cup of tea.

“I’m just worried that all this disaster involves our country.” You were worried that things wouldn’t go exactly as you wanted it. You wanted to start a family, have kids and raise them in a free country. You didn’t want to have your kids in the middle of a war. You knew Beomgyu and you were both young and still had time to start a family, but this was absolutely out of anyone’s hands.

Beomgyu reached your hand over the table, giving it a light squeeze. “Don’t worry, darling. Everything will be fine, okay?” You nodded and he gave you a reassuring smile. “That’s my girl. Alright, I have to go now, I have a meeting today.” He said while getting up and gathering his things. He walked to your side and pecked your cheek. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll be waiting for you.” You waved goodbye and he left.

The day went on normally, as the weather started to get colder everyday since the winter season started, you set up the chimney to warm up the house a little.

That’s how days went on normally. Beomgyu would come back home at night and tell you all about his job, and how the book he was writing was going.

Until one day, he wasn’t going to come back for a very long time.

He had to enlist to the Japanese Army to fight in the war.

The day of his departure, you swore it would be the most painful day of your life. Saying goodbye to your soulmate, your partner, the love of your life. Give him away to uncertainty.

That’s what it was. Everything was uncertain. You didn’t know if he would comeback, you didn’t know what could happen there, because nothing assured you he would be okay.

Communication was difficult at long distance, and more if it meant talking to someone in the army.

“I will be back, okay?” He gave you a sad smile.

“Please be careful, I don’t want to lose you, Gyu.” You hugged him tightly, as if it was your last hug, and you thought that it could be.

“I… promise I’ll come back to you, okay? I’ll be back and we’ll be together again, and I’ll never leave your side again, I promise.” He wrapped his arms around you. You could feel that he started sobbing by the way his chest started moving. “I’ll come back…”

You two cried for very long, holding each other and whispering reassuring things to the other.

Then he left.

Your heart ached like it has never before. You felt helpless.

Your mother moved in with you, since your father also enlisted. This made you only feel worse.

Days went by emptily. You kept doing your normal things every day, but you didn’t have a purpose. You felt empty.

One Monday morning you went outside to pick up the mail that arrived earlier that day. You sat down in the kitchen table and started checking it. One of the letters caught your eye. It was from Japan.

You quickly opened the envelope and you felt your heart stop when you saw your husband’s handwriting in the price of paper.

-

To my dearest, Yn

Being away from home is difficult, and I'm constantly thinking about how much I miss you. I can't wait to go back home with you, and see you everyday again. My heart aches when I wake up and I don’t see you.

I know that I cannot express in words the depth and complexity of my love for you. But I hope you know that I love you more than anything else in this world. The memory of your hugs keeps me going, it keeps me sane. I’ve seen a lot of terrible things the last few days, I’m surprised I haven’t lost my mind. But it’s you that helps me. I have to be okay for the day that I go back to you.

My love, my yn, please be safe. Take care of your mom. Please continue with your life and all the things you wanted. I don’t want you to be worried about me. Please do that for me. Remember I love you.

P.S. I have a great idea for a book! Can’t wait to tell you about it when I go back…

Always yours,

Choi Beomgyu.

-

Tears rolled down your cheeks. You folded the letter and picked up the envelope, but when you did, a small heart shaped locket fell from it. You picked it up and examined it, you opened it and saw a picture of Beomgyu wearing his uniform.

You closed it and you stayed there for a while, processing the letter, the locket, and everything.

Every other week you would receive a letter from Beomgyu, they weren’t always long but they were perfect. You felt your heart warm everyone you read them. You could hear his voice through his words.

You waited patiently.

[dawnedon]

flashback :)

Send ‘Flashback’ to see one of my muse’s old memories | accepting

You awoke to the sound of beeping. You nearly forgot where you were, until you opened your eyes. Greeted by the same white walls and sterile smell, you finally gather your bearings after a fitful night of rest... if you could even call it that.

Today, it was also your twelfth birthday.

A deep ache settled in your chest where your healing wound lay beneath layers upon layers of bandages. You're not sure if the ache is from real, legitimate pain, or... something else. Your find yourself reaching for your phone, holding some silly hope in your heart of your mother reaching out. Of your mother finally coming to her senses, and realizing how serious you are as far as your goals go.

A region that you fought for, a region you died for and would do so again and again, with no hesitation. A region you wished to lead someday, as its Champion. Your mother's pride - her ego - was far too big for that. Perhaps that was where you got it from, too. There was the feeling of disappointment as you looked through your texts, unable to help yourself. Of course Barry had sent his birthday wishes to you at midnight on the dot, and Cynthia had sent hers earlier in the morning.

You set your phone aside, gently hugging your arms to yourself. There was a permeating emptiness you felt, bleeding out from your chest and consuming you whole. It'd been over two weeks since you'd been admitted to the hospital. Both you and Emperor had been rushed to emergency surgery after escaping the clutches of the Distortion World. The state of your partner had been far worse than yours, taking a brunt of the Aura Sphere that Giratina had unleashed.

There were updates on his condition, sometimes. He was stable and recovering, just as you were, but you hadn't been able to reunite with him yet. Cynthia did her best to visit you when she wasn't busy putting the pieces back together after Galactic's tear through Sinnoh. Some of the Gym Leaders made time to visit too - a beautiful bouquet from Gardenia rest on the table next to you, still vibrant and full of life, for now. They still had their own jobs and duties to uphold, however. You knew that, and you understood it. It was something you'd never hold against any of them.

Sometimes, you found yourself hoping your mother would walk through that door. It always came back around to her. Perhaps it was because your heart, and your mind, were still fragile after your dive into the Distortion World. Perhaps it was because, just once, you wanted to feel maternal love from the one person that should love you unconditionally. Any normal parent would be beside themselves if their child suffered as you had. What would your father think of this, you wonder? You blink hard, fighting away the tears you felt burning in your eyes.

And then, the door opens.

You move carefully to sit up, trying to look and act as if you weren't about to cry. There's a shred of hope in your heart, but the sight before you was one you hadn't expected.

"Emperor!" You all but gasp. The steadfast Empoleon was accompanied by one of the nurses, a large Blissey next to him to help support him. If it weren't for the various tubes and wires connecting you to an ungodly amount of machines, you would have leapt from the bed then and there to go to him.

"Good morning, Miss Hara, please pardon the intrusion." The nurse would greet with a small bow. "Emperor was very insistent on being up and about today - and we think he's at a good enough point in his recovery to be mobile again." The Blissey next to her nods along with the nurse's words. "He can't be out for too long, unfortunately, but... we thought it would be good to start small with regaining some of his mobility."

You feel your bottom lip wobbling, and a rising lump in your throat as the Empoleon slowly made his way to your side. "... Thank you," you manage to choke out, feeling that damnable emptiness in your chest finally fill, "this- means a lot to me. Thank you." You say, in earnest, dipping your head in a bow.

There's a warm smile on the nurse's face, an unfathomable amount of kindness held in her eyes. "Of course, Miss Hara. Please call us back whenever you're ready, and we'll get Emperor back to his room." The duo dip out of your room, closing the door quietly behind them.

You're quick to lift yourself from the bed, shaking lightly from the effort. "Emperor," you sob, tearful eyes looking over the bandages that covered his own chest (it was exactly the same as yours), "I'm glad you're okay- I...I'm sorry-"

You throw your arms around the Empoleon, large tears slipping off his hydrophobic feathers. The embrace was returned the best it could be, from a being that had flippers instead of hands and arms. Your starter, your partner, your best friend.... he was alive, and he was as okay as he could be. Maybe you didn't need your mother after all. You never had relied on her in the first place, through no choice of your own. Maybe, just maybe, the only thing you really needed was your team.

Finally, finally, if only for a little while, you felt whole again.