#fibro diaries

[alienateddotmp3]

Fibromyalga sux ass no way I should feel like I'm on survivor for joking to the fuckin grocery store

[the-yearning-astronaut]

Just ... Thinking about Murderbot getting chronic pain because its pain sensors get fucked in a way it can't fix.

And sometimes it's ok, the pain can be compartmentalized and shunted to the background behind all its active scripts and tasks and streaming media files. Some cycles it could even pretend that it doesn't have a problem at all -- if it weren't for the fact that ignoring it actually caused a dip in its central processing capabilities.

And sometimes it just wants a break and it can't help but withdraw from others and shy away from physical contact even more than it usually does. It seeks out softer, looser clothing that doesn't rub up against its organic bits which caused firey shocks to zip down its nerves. and sometimes its performance reliability will drop for seemingly no reason and it'll use preprogrammed responses from its buffer in a detached, automatic tone.

The pain makes it feel incredibly vulnerable and broken and it gets angry and defensive (or shuts down -- almost literally) when anyone tries to ask it what's wrong. It even threatens to leave the Perihelion if ART even so much as considers poking around its diagnostics to find answers.

[dbfhotchner]

i guess the upside to being disabled with an ed is that my body already feels like shit 90% of the time, a little starvation wont be that much more uncomfortable

[queerlycarter]

i wanna start hrt but i should get all my health bullshit sorted (by which i mean diagnosed) first rrrrrr

[chroniclyillpolybat]

Hey I'm Kenz. Im a 32 year old polyamorus chronically sick adhd/tism dyslexic bpd goth mother in northern nevada. I have decided most likely no one will ever read these about my boring life while living with a chronic illness as I bitch about life because I don't wanna be a bother to people in my life. And writing in a journal is boring as hell. Maybe if I write about how I am doing dealing with new challenges and someone out there relates and helps them not feel alone it will be worth it. Maybe I'll actually stick to writing if I know someone out there might actually be following along lol. I'm probably going to bitch a lot.

[cherry-pop-elf]

Taking a break

As yall notice I’m not really making much content atm. Lots of health problems, and it’s really starting to catch up to me. Making me make choices I shouldn’t. Like yelling at my friends and hurting them

Chronic pain is making me extremely irritable and suffer with sleeping. It’s my responsibility to take care of it, and not act out on my issues towards my friends. That’s my fault and my life. It’s my issues, I shouldn’t make others deal with it

So I’ll be taking a break from tumblr, to try and see if my pain management doctor can help me get this sorted out. Spending months with night terrors is finally catching up to me, and I’m starting to make it everyone’s problem. That’s not healthy or their responsibility

There is also the fact it’s made me unable to make content. Just more and more drafts that’ll end up deleted. More and more requests that are piling up. The need to make content is just not helping either. Or the fact I start college again soon

Hope yall understand. Hopefully I’ll come back with a healthier headspace, better life, and to get things under control

I’ll see yall later. Hope you enjoy whatever bullshit made and left behind for yall

I’ll keep yall updated

[eflatminor7]

My skates arrived and I actually cried with joy this is so big for me and I am so happy.

4 years of pain and illness and isolation nearly broke me but I worked so so so hard and even though I'll never be back to how I was I am able to do the thing I love the most again.

Im really proud of myself and Im so so so happy that I am still alive !!!!

[borderlineangeldisorder]

July 24

Today was a ♡ day nothing so bad Work was the same Short staffed to the bones for over an hour causing me to do 4 people's jobs as one singular entity on top of crying in the office over my bones on fire

Then one worker turned into a petty (their own words) bit not caring because they didn't get the position they thought they deserved Of course they apologized after but still 🦇

The cold air helped ground me on the walk to the train at least I got to unwind decompress before getting home to ripping apart my apartment for pest control tomorrow ( ˘ ³˘)♥ which is awesome and terrifying because my landlords stopped by to see my place and I absolutely hate hate hate having company especially them

I want to smoke away the burning breakdown of my skeleton but have to wait for them to leave and of course they have a bonfire in the yard going to burn down the trees they had to choose down due to the renovation going on next door which resulted in those trees to lose support resulting in them leaning into the yard

Ugh I just remembered I forgot my DVDs at work my coworker has been feeding me to sasciate my growing collection of physical entertainment ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

Oh well I'm sure I'll forget again my next shift oops

I didn't get to see him today sad sad sad but he's excellent at always staying in touch with me which honestly slay of him for not being a barrel of red flags Hush paranoia

Now I'm sitting on my kitchen floor because I ate an edible which lasted about 20 minutes because it was stale hence the desire for once again physical embodiment of said entertaining my synopsis nerves

I'm out of toilet paper but I go for gold with my paper towels ( ´~｀)

I'm happy to be journaling It makes me want to burn the old ones but even if my mind forgets again physical embodiment of the abuse and torture I endured so I don't believe it was all a dream Never reading them

I want to start restricting again but I don't want to lose control and end up sick

Chronic illness makes it nearly impossible anyways I will shut down and get the shakes if I don't eat properly Guess that means I have to actually work out Shudder

[egglygreg]

Had a dream last night in which I was trapped in a weird swirl shaped wood building where no matter how far I walked I kept going in spirals.

Then the dream changed, and I was flying, but I kept going way off course and couldn't get to where I wanted to go. It was hard to know which way was up or down.

I ended up in a paddock and wanted to ride a horse but knew I wasn't capable, so I started riding a toy hobby horse and couldn't even control that! I was swerving all over the place and I kept running into the electric fences.

I woke up suuuper dizzy and with zapping pains and went "ah, makes sense."

[malcolmschmitz]

Going back to my roots by writing at a Dunkin' Donuts today.

[quartzprinz]

i need to hear live classical music or i will lose my mind one of these days

[mimiswitchywrites]

Has anyone got like a folder of info about their chronic illness that they give to their new gp or medical professionals to explain your history? I want to put one together but I have no clue where to start or what to google for inspiration

[itsahellworldafterall]

fuck chronic pain.

[evebjournal]

04.06.2023

It was a pretty busy day. Had to do some grocery shopping again, and got ingredients to make many different ways to make carbonara. Going to try making some kind of pesto or bacon carbonara tomorrow. I'm excited because I love to cook and I miss doing it. I used to cook/bake to show my love to my ex. Well, let's just say he used to really put me down and it broke my heart. I love cooking/baking to show my love but I don't get to do it anymore. Since my family has dietary restrictions and such. I've tried making gluten-free bread for my mum but failed miserably. I did get into bread making for a while and loved it but it was too much bread for me to eat all to myself. But nothing is better than freshly made bread lemme tell you. So I'm going to take that negative and turn it into a positive and show myself some love by cooking for myself. Even though it's extremely draining and tiring to cook when you have chronic pain but I'll be sure to smoke before I make food.

Grocery shopping wasn't too bad, but damn for what I got, it wasn't much. I mean when you're poor, you've got to get creative. I'm also going to try and make French onion pasta, I saw it somewhere whether it was insta or tick-tock app idk. But oh my word it looked delicious. I'm reading a recipe and oh my, it sounds so tasty. I always wanted to be a chef or a baker because of my disabilities, there is no way in hell I could stand for that long. But hey, maybe if I get some friends or a partner in crime, I'll probably bake for her to show how much I appreciate her. I doubt I'll get any friends let alone a girlfriend. Especially when you're an introvert that loves animals more than people.

Only wrote 439 words today but it's better than nothing. Tomorrow I get to rest. Then mentally prepare to deal with my grandma on the weekend. Well, I'm off to sleep now. So tired and can hardly keep my eyes open. Exhausted and time to rest.

Goodnight my lovelies <3

~ Eve

[196-110]

Some stuff abt me ig

Minors DNI

This is not an ED blog, it's a diary. Buzz off and block me

Pr0 4n4'5 can fck off 🖕

22

Had an 3d for 10+ years

Diagnosed - BPD ASD ADD 3D PCOS FIBRO + more it's exhausting lmao

Trans-nb he/they

Stats

Height - 5"4

SW (May24) - 196

CW (June24) - 192

GW1 - 182

GW2 - 168

GW3 - 154

GW4 - 140

G Date - Nov-Dec (6mnth)

UGW - ?

G Date Feb-March?

I have to start off slow to avoid loose skin, a plateu, risk of giving up etc

It sucks but it's the best way for me to ensure this is the LAST time I have to do this. I have the control now

I do NOT encourage 3D behaviors. I never will. It's one of the horrible disorders that's ruined half of my life. If you are a minor or are in the early stages of this. RUN. It's a dangerous, DEADLY, permanently damaging disorder. It's not glamorous. It's not easy. It sucks the life out of you. It will. Ruin. Your. Life.

Please seek help

Stay safe

[eflatminor7]

This winter was particularly brutal for me. Perhaps I went soft after spending last winter in Melbourne? Whatever the case the cold exacerbates my chronic pain something shocking and I basically spent 3 months alone in the dak in bed too sick to move. Too sick to even read or speak or think. 3 months of eye watering, ear ringing, gut churning pain and all the alienation that comes with it.

Not fun.

But hark! Spring is coming! The sun is warmer and the frost melts away quicker than before and for the first time in 3 months my pain has been below a 7/10!

I want to MOVE! And I have been!

I've been roller skating and stretching and doing my physio for my shoulders and it is so wonderful! I don't think I can articulate what getting better feels like to a person who isn't chronically sick, it's an indescribable feeling of joy and relief.

But oh no! I've done it again! I've gotten too excited and been going way too hard and causing myself pain again. I'm moving my body with the reckless euphoria of a child making himself sick on sweets. I can't sleep at night because of the lightning bolts of pain shooting up my limbs.

But I don't care I don't care I don't CARE I DONT CARE!!! I am greedy for liberty, I have been starving! So hungry! Three months is a long time to be alone in a dark room.

But I must care, I will move like I care because if I keep this up I will make myself just as sick as I was a few weeks ago and that will not do at all!

I must remember that "getting your pain down to a 3/10 for a few days" is not "miraculously cured of an incurable illness".

I will move carefully, through this space and through myself, I will be patient and gentle and calm down the exited child within me so that this liberty may stay a while longer.

I am happy.