#femme fatale tour

[opsbritney]

BRITNEY SPEARS Femme Fatale Tour (France, 2011)

[likeafantasy]

[foreverbritney]

Femme Fatale Tour - June 28, 2011 | Portland, Oregon

[foreverbritney]

fyeahgodney:

Live in Toronto | August 14 

[glossymuse]

pink is a sabrina carpenter thing

[ange11-c]

365

[shakaprio]

NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOO THEY HIT THE PENTAGON (taylor played my fav songs IN ONE NIGHT as the surprise songs)

[fleurral]

olivia rodrigo is actually my female rage queen i love her i love her music i love her style i love her vibes i love her aesthetic i love her i love her i love

[bloodredcoke]

Yeehaw 🍒

[opsbritney]

BRITNEY SPEARS Femme Fatale Tour (France, 2011)

[foreverbritney]

Femme Fatale Tour - June 29, 2011 | Tacoma, Washington

[deansapplepie]

Do I look like I wanna laugh?

Summary: In years of marriage you had never worn a sexy lingerie to your husband. What happens when you do?

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Warnings: detailed description of lingerie on your body (no body description), talks about sex, smut, Dom! Daryl or a terrible tentative of, dirty talk, knife play if you squint, fingering, mirror sex, swearing, pet names, use of the word slut very affectionately, p in v, unprotected sex (use protection kids), creampie. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 18+.

A/N: FINALLY FINISHED IT AFTER ALMOST A MONTH WRITING! There’s a warning for knife play, but it actually isn’t, the knife is just used to cut something and it’s not reader.

You had gone on a run with Rosita and Maggie, try to find some supplies, hopefully some new clothes and that’s how you ended up with the girls looking for some lingerie. You had never had this kind of underwear, you normally wore the comfortable ones, the more practical… when you were younger you’d not have them because you were afraid if tour parents saw them they would think you were having sex. Your father would probably freak out and your mother would tease you for the rest of your life. When you left home… well then you preferred your comfort, and nothing is more comfortable than some sports bra and cotton panties.

You had a cute set on your hands, a baby blue all lacy and full of bows. It was cute and the color reminded you of his eyes. “I don’t know Rosi, I’m not used to wearing this. And it’s not practical when we are always running from walkers.” You said, Rosita and Maggie were trying to convince you to get some sets for you. They dragged you from the section you were before and were practically throwing the cute, revealing and sensual sets on you.

“You’re not supposed to use them to fight walkers. Although… I think Daryl would find it sexy if you did.” Maggie grinned, she knew how you could get all flushed and shy when the talk was about sex or any sensual thing.

“Maggie!” You reprehended your friend. “I don’t think he likes those kind of things, I mean… he never said anything or complained.”

“We know he prefer you wearing nothing. Girl, we know you’re enthusiasts, we have ears, you know?” You blushed instantly while Rosita spoke, yes, you knew they often could listen to your and The archer’s activities. Daryl made it very difficult to not be noisy. “But believe me, he’ll like it. He’s kind of a rustic man, but he’s a man after all. They like those things.”

“Ok, I’m going to take this one.” You surrendered, but Rosita wasn’t over.

“Oh not this one, it’s all sweet and cute. Daryl already know this side of you very well. Let’s get you something more sexy.” She said looking at the hangers.

“I’m no femme fatale Rosi, I’m just me… I think I’m sweet after all.”

“You can keep this one, and any other you want, but we’ll choose some for you. Daryl will be wrapped around your fingers.” Maggie said.

“We’re married in case you didn’t notice.” You observed and showed your hand as if they had never seen the ring on your finger.

They choose three for you a black one, a red one and a coral one, they said the colors would outstand more your features. You choose the baby blue one that reminded you of his eyes, a pink one as cute as the blue and a white one.

Later that day after killing 5 walkers and going back home you pondered if you’d wear one of them. What would he think? Would he like it? He liked your common underwear, would those “sexy” ones be appreciated by him?

You had chosen the black one, if anything could go wrong you obviously would go with the boldest one. The black lingerie was very different from all you had seen before. On the breasts it made a triangle around each breast and had only a strap from one side to the other covering your nipples, it had many straps embracing your body and forming geometric shapes with it. In the middle of each strap there was a little bow. The lower part was lacy and had one particularity, it was open in the middle, in the lowest part, letting your cunt uncovered.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, on one hand you thought it was beautiful how it fit in your body embracing all the perfections and all the flaws, but on the other hand you felt silly. You never wore something like this before and you never presented yourself like this to Daryl before. That was it, you were going to take it off and wear your usual underwear and your sleeping clothes. When you were about to take it out, the door to your shared room opened, you jumped startled and closed your robe faster than the Flash.

“What’s that love? Why are ya all jumpy?” Daryl, your husband, asked entering the room and walking in your direction. You didn’t turn to look at him, years of marriage and being caught in this situation still made you blush and be embarrassed.

“Nothing…” you tried. You knew he knew that when you said nothing, it indeed was something.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing to me. You’re all blushy and you were startled when I entered the room.” He wrapped his arms around you and looked at you through the mirror. “Were ya doing something wrong? Something ya shouldn’t be doing?”

“N-no…” you knew what he meant and no, you weren’t doing anything “wrong”.

“Hmm…” he inhaled your scent in your neck nuzzling his nose on it and on your ears. “Not touching yerself without me or without me saying so?”

“No!” You exclaimed, and you quickly thought saying it like this would make you more suspect. “It’s another thing.”

You closed your eyes out of embarrassment, now you couldn’t escape this situation.

“Then, what is it?” He asked again, kissing your neck, his stubble sending chills through your body.

“Do you promise you’ll not laugh about it even if it’s the most ridiculous thing?” You asked looking for his eyes in the mirror.

“I promise it, babe. I’ll not do that.” He rested his chin on your shoulder, observing you. “Now tell me…”

You took a breath and then opened your robe, you slowly opened it until you revealed the piece you were wearing under the robe. When you opened it, you quickly closed your eyes, you were afraid of what you would see in his eyes. There was a moment of silence, and you thought you had screwed everything, until you listened to his voice. “Open your eyes.” He commanded.

You slowly opened your eyes, afraid you’d see something you didn’t want on his face. But as soon as you opened them, you saw his blue eyes, black in lust and desire, the blue just a thin line on the borders. “Do I look like I wanna laugh?” He asked.

“No…” you replied weakly, gods the way his eyes were raking your reflection… that was making your legs weak.

“Hmm…” he took his arms that were wrapped around you and slipped his hands on your arms. “Where did you get it?”

“In the run. With the girls.” You replied. “They said you’d like it… but I wasn’t sure.”

“Why’s it babe?” He asked his hands running up your arms again just to end on your shoulders, his fingers grabbing your robe there.

“I never used any of it, and you never said anything.” It was difficult to keep your eyes open and looking at him through the mirror, when he looked you like that it always felt so overwhelming looking right into his eyes.

“I’d find ya sexy even if ya were wearing a sack of potatoes.” He said sliding the sleeves of the robe down your arms. “I’d rather have ya naked, but this… damn! It got me hard the moment I saw it.”

You shivered from excitement, expectation and a small breeze that you could feel now that you were completely exposed. He pulled your body against his and you could feel his hard on. “Fuck.” It let your lips spontaneously.

“Yeah… fuck…” he repeated and drank you in. “Do ya mind if I do some alterations on it?”

You shook your head, but you knew he wasn’t getting only that. “I need words babe…”

“I don’t mind, you can do anything you want.” You said almost breathless and he had done nothing he barely had touched you yet. That was what Daryl Dixon made you feel.

His hand went to his waistband and he took the knife he had there. He took it carefully to your front and then to the side of the set you were wearing. He cut one side of the strap that was covering your nipples, then he cut the other side and threw the strap to a corner of the room with the knife. Now you had your nipples completely exposed and he was practically eating you alive just with his eyes. “Now, it’s perfect.”

He embraced your body once again with his big strong arms while his mouth went straightly to your neck giving you the most sinful open mouthed kiss, immediately making you sigh. Then he stopped. “I think I shoulda go clean myself, I worked all day…”

“Don’t you dare.” He was playing games with you, you knew it. He had no intention of stopping. He just wanted to tease you, but he had already made you despaired for him. “You just fixed some cars… I-I need you!”

“Look at my sweet girl…” he embraced you tightly one of his hands cupping one of tour breasts and the other sneaking down your stomach. “… ain’t her a little slut?”

He massaged tour breast, teasing it, pinching your erected nipple. His other hand cupped your semi nude crotch. “Yours…” You breathless said.

“Mine?” He repeated on your ear, his fingers running through your impossibly wet folds. “So wet fer me… so ready fer my cock…”

“I’m…” He pressed your clit eliciting a moan from your lips. “Ugh… your slut.”

He inserted one finger on your pussy, you gasped a moan escaping your lips. He nibbled and sucked on your neck and shoulders. “Even being my little slut, yer still so sweet.” He pumped his finger on you ando looked mesmerized at your reflection on the mirror, how you face contorted in pleasure, your parted plump lips and how your lids covered your eyes so perfectly and sinfully. “Open yer eyes sweetheart, wanna you to see how beautiful yer when I fuck you so good.”

It took you a lot to open your eyes and look at your and his reflection on the mirror. “That’s it love…” his deep voice sent chills all over your body making you clench around his finger. He inserted one more pumping in and out of you, his thumb making circles on your clit. “Such a good little slut fer me…”

You bucked your hips on his hands waiting for your sweet release and aching to have his thick delicious cock inside of you. You clenched around him repeatedly, you had become a moaning mess and it was difficult to keep your eyes open, but he wanted that so you tried. For him. Everything for him. You focused on his pretty eyes, his clean eyes that were so dark right now, the intensity on them overwhelming but grounding you in the moment. “Cum fer me baby… let it go…”

You rose your arm to the back, your hand going to the back of his neck enlacing your fingers on his hair. As you’re sent to the edge you pull on his hair making him groan as you have your release on his fingers. “So, so, so sweet! So good fer me…” he said while he drove you through your high fingers still pumping on you.

“Daryl…” you weekly said, your head resting on his shoulder, trying to catch your breath.

He looked down at you, his lips brushing yours. “What’s it baby?” You didn’t answer you took his lips on yours, hungrily damn you hadn’t kissed yet since he arrived, you needed this, you loved so much his kisses and the taste of his mouth.

You both broke the kiss, breathless you looked him in his eyes. “Was that what you needed babe?”

“That too…” you answered, the tip of your fingers massaging his scalp. “But actually… I need you, inside of me.”

He tightened his embrace on you, ready to move to bed, but you stopped him with your words. “Here.”

He stopped on his tracks, looking you in the eyes. You had already made sex in many different places, but he knew you both preferred it in bed. Your words startled him and woke something in him. “Do ya think ya can stand for a little time?”

“Yeah, I’m holding on you babe…” you said tugging a little on his hair, he released you, but was ready to catch you if needed. He unbuckled his belt and opened his jeans, taking his cock out of his boxers and pumping it a little before getting a hold on you again. He needed you, and he was glad you suggested he took you right there at that moment.

He held you on his arms once again, his hands traveling on your body. One hand ended up on your neck, just getting a hold in there while the other went back to your breasts, caring them, stimulating them… giving them the attention that they deserved.

You rocked your but on his hard on. Both of you looked at your reflections, you never thought it would excite you this much. He teased your entrance with his dick making you whimper and squirm. “Oh, please… please…” you begged, the wait making you ache and burn for him.

Who was him to deny you something when you asked so sweetly? Without any warning he trusted deeply into you, you moaned almost screaming, your fingers tugging his hair a little harsher than usual. “Fuck. I. Love. Ya. So. Fucking. Much.” For each word a trust, deep, certain, at the right spot.

You wasn’t able to say anything, lost in bliss and desire the only thing that left your mouth were moans and whimpers. With your free hand you got a handful of his but pressing him deeply into you if that was even possible. You looked at both of you in the mirror, Daryl trusting his hips on you, your bodies trembling out of pleasure and glistening with sweat. You never saw anything hotter.

His hand stopped taking care of your tits going down your body just to tease your clit, stimulate it and build your pleasure. He’s main mission was to pleasure you and if he could he’d do it every single day and minute of his life.

A turmoil building on your lower stomach, his name leaving your lips. Your walls clenching around him, indicating you were close to your high, his cock twitching in a way telling you he was close too. He turned your head to the side taking your lips on his in a passionate kiss, and as he hit that spongy spot inside of you sending you to your edge, he found his shooting his seed in you as you squeezed around him. “I love you!” You said while descending from your high, finally being able to speak.

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Everything Taglist: @lilyevanstan1325 @hayley1998

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[pompadourpink]

Literal French expressions

À deux - at two

À la + n. - in the style of

À la carte - at the menu

À la mode - in fashion

Amateur - lover

Après-ski - after skying

À propos - about

Armoire - wardrobe

Art nouveau - new art

Au naturel - plain

Au pair - at the peer

Auteur - author

Avant-garde - before guard

Bête noire - black beast

Blasé - jaded

Bon appétit - good appetite

Bon voyage - good journey

Boutique - shop

Buffet - credenza

Bureau - office

Canapé - couch

Carte blanche - white card

C'est la vie - that's life

Chauffeur - warmer (n.)

Chef - leader

Cliché - picture

Clique - gang

Connaisseur - "knower"

Coup d'état - blow of state

Coup de grâce - blow of mercy

Coup de foudre - blow of lightning

Couture - sewing (n.)

Cul-de-sac - ass of the bag

Début - beginning

Débutante - beginner

Déjà-vu - already seen

Dénouement - untying

Dossier - file

Double entendre - double hear

... du jour - of the day

Eau de toilette - washing water

Eau de vie - life water

Encore - again

Ennui - boredom

En route - in road

Ensemble - together

Entourage - people surrounding you

Entrepreneur - starter (n.)

Essai - attempt

Esprit de l'escalier - spirit of the stairs

Étiquette - label

Exposé - exposed

Façade - frontage

Faux pas - fake step

Femme fatale - deadly woman

Film noir - black movie

Fin de siècle - end of century

Flâneur - "stroller"

Femme - woman

Folie à deux - madness at two

Foyer - fireplace, home

Gamine - female kid (casual)

Gauche - left

Gendarme - person of weapons

Je ne sais quoi - I don't know what

Laissez-faire - let (someone) do (imperative)

Laissez-passer - let (someone) pass

L'appel du vide - the call of the void

Lingerie - underwear

Maître d' - master o'

Mardi gras - fat Tuesday

Matinée - morning

Ménage à trois - household at three

Mon/ma chéri-e - my cherished

Montage - mounting

Motif - pattern

Mural - on the wall (adj.)

Né-e - born

Négligé - neglected

Nom de plume - feather name

Parole - word

Petite - small (adj.)

Pied-à-terre - foot on land

Poilu - hairy

Pot pourri - rotten pot

Pourboire - for drink

Première - first

Prêt-à-manger - ready to eat

Protégé - protected

Renaissance - rebirth

Rendez-vous - appointment

Répertoire - directory

Résumé - summary

Risqué - risked

Robe - dress

Rouge - red

RSVP - answer please

Sans-culottes - without pantaloons

Savant - "knower" (n.)

Savoir-faire - know how to do (v.)

Savoir-vivre - know how to live

Séance - session

Soirée - evening

Souvenir - memory

Suite - sequel, development

Surveillance - careful watching

Tête-à-tête - head to head

Touché - touched

Tour - circuit

Trompe-l'oeil - cheats the eye

Venue - came

Vignette - sticker, label

Vis-à-vis - face to face

Voyeur - "seer"

Ballet vocabulary:

Allongé - laid down

Balancé - swinged

Balançoire - swing (n.)

Battu - battered

Brisé - broken

Chassé - chased

Chaînés - chained

Ciseaux - scissors

Coupé - cut

Dégagé - cleared

Développé - developed

Échappé - escaped

En cloche - in bell

En croix - in cross

Entrechat - between braid

En pointe - in tip

Failli - almost did

Fouetté - whipped

Glissade - sliding

Plié - bent

Jeté - thrown

Manège - carousel

Pas de bourrée - drunk step

Pas de chat - cat step

Pas de cheval - horse step

Pas de deux - step of two

Pas de valse - waltz step

Penché - leaned

Piqué - pricked

Port de bras - carry of arms

Relevé - lifted back up

Renversé - titled, bent backwards

Retiré - removed

Rond de jambe - leg circle

Temps de flèche - arrow time Tendu - stretched

Temps lié - linked time

Tombé - fallen

Tour en l'air - turn in the air

Kitchen vocabulary:

Amuse-bouche - mouth entertainer

Bain-Marie - Mary bath

Café au lait - milky coffee

Casserole - pot

Cordon bleu - blue ribbon

Crème brûlée - burnt cream

Crème de la crème - cream of the cream

Crème fraîche - fresh cream

Croissant - crescent

Éclair - lightning

Entrée - entrance

Filet mignon - cute net

Flambé - blazed

Foie gras - fat liver

Fondant - melting

Fondue - melted

Gourmet - foodie

Hors d'oeuvre - out of the work

Légume - vegetable

Liqueur - liquid

Mille-feuille - thousand leaf

Mousse - foam

Pâté - pasted

Roux - redhead(ed)

Sauté - jumped

Sautoir - "jumper"

Soufflé - blown

Velouté - velvety

Fanmail - masterlist (2016-) - archives - hire me - reviews (2020-) - Drive

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Ep8 Musings - Lestat & Gender: "I am she, she is me."

Scrolling the tags and sighing, cuz I just KNEW people were gonna take this line out of context, as proof that Lestat's the woman/wife/mother/femme-fatale (which @dwreader had to explain cuz folks just don't get it X X), blahblahblah. I've already said my whole bit on Lestat as the patriarchal father/husband, and the dandified matador/killer (a la Bruce). But I just wanna remind y'all that THE SAINT IS NOT A CITY.

Either the fandom's got a bunch of new Lestans posting who missed the discourse from S1 about the meaning behind Les's monologues from the books; or y'all just have frightfully short memories.

He's NOT talking about stupid effing New Orleans; and he's NOT calling himself a woman. He's talking about LOUIS. Louis' motherland! Louis' culture! Louis' ancestor's bones! Louis' grave soil! Louis's HOME--Louis' back at home, and Louis IS his home.

But here y'all go, always centering everything on Lestat's yaasification, and ignoring the Louis-shaped elephant in the room.

Lestat's been talking about Louis to his nameless Millennial Fledgling this whole time. Everyone knows who Louis is--and what he means to Lestat. This is CRUCIAL for Loustat going forward in TVC, when Lou's held as collateral against Lest by Akasha and Rhoshamandes.

But for some reason Lestans are hella quick to separate Lestat's identity from Louis every chance y'all get, then wanna whine & complain about the QotD movie pairing Lestat with Jesse, or AR tryna pair Les with Tom, Dick & Harry.

And YES, I will die on the hill that this whole anti-feminine discourse about AMC!Louis is couched in racial prejudice and biases--a trap that even Black fans who are pro-Louis fall into, while ignoring the struggles of effeminate/feminized gay Black men in their own effing community (X X X X).

But this is BY FAR more endemic in spaces predominately occupied by straight white women, who utterly fail to relate to their direct antithesis: gay Black men (X X). So of course they'll leap on every chance they get to glom onto long-haired blonde white drama queen Lestat as their spirit animal, even when he's LITERALLY TELLING Y'ALL that he himself identifies himself with LOUIS.

(Lestat's toxic color blindness is a whole 'nother conversation, omg. X X X)

Lestat says "she" because it's conventional speech to refer to places--especially continents, countries, and cities--as female, denoting motherhood and wives--places as people that take care of their own, as a mother would her children and/or spouse; a la the Statue of Liberty, personified virtues, and most abstract concepts we've inherited from Greco-Roman gender inequality about women as home-makers (HOUSEWIVES) being barefoot & pregnant in the kitchen. It's not even an exclusively English phenomenon. NOLA, like any city, is referred to as a "she."

So yes, to an extent, Lestat is channeling LOUIS; waiting at home for his spouse to come back and TAKE CARE OF HIM again. But Lestat is NOT a home-maker. He's living in a nasty AF shack, with only his music for company (and we know his tour's all about TVL & Akasha & Marius & Claudia & Louis). He treats his own Millennial Fledgling (his BLOOD CHILD) like trash; setting him on fire "IN LOUIS' HONOR" and not even knowing his name--he's NOT tryna be no one's MOTHER. He couldn't even bring himself to be Claudia's effing FATHER when she was literally burning alive two feet away from him, FFS.

But it's not about the brick & mortar or the PLACE itself--it's about the PERSON it's attached to--cuz Lestat always knew that Louis would eventually come back to NOLA--come back HOME--and FIND LESTAT WAITING FOR HIM THERE.

EVERYTHING & ANYTHING FOR LOUIS.

But AMC leaves it deliberately open-ended and ambiguous what Louis says to Lestat during their hug, and we don't see Lestat in Dubai, or any implication that Loustat is remarried/a couple again. Louis' putting down the torch, to stop accepting everyone's effing dregs; "your tired, your poor, your huddled masses...the wretched refuse of your teeming shore." Cuz Lou's decided to finally start learning how to live on his own for the first time in his entire life; for himself, not other people--AND realize that he doesn't need to rely on his husbands to fight his battles for him. "I own the night!"

[austinslounge]

It is very interesting what happened in the late spring-early summer of 2024, when Kaia suddenly decided to change the image and attitude of a sweet bookworm girl to a femme fatale. The more I think about it, the more this whole situation starts to resemble Austin and Vanessa's breakup. He dissolves into role, this is superimposed on problems in the couple, estrangement begins and then separation. Between these stages, girls go crazy and do strange things. Of course, this is all much more complicated. But Austin definitely needs someone as introverted as he is.

Idk if I would compare Austin's focus and determination during "Elvis" prep to anything he's had lately. Elvis was a totally different ballgame for him. That was a make or break moment for him, so I'm not shocked he went head first into it.

True, it probably did affect his relationship with Vanessa to some degree, and that's kind of sad😔, but they were probably already having some issues or just simply outgrowing the relationship even prior to the Elvis thing. Jmho #shrug

Anyway, I actually think Austin would do better with someone more extroverted than him. Vanessa was more extroverted. I think that's why they seemed to click so well. His costar Jodie is also pretty extroverted, and I think that's why their chemistry was so good in their press tour.

I think opposites tend to attract. That doesn't mean that he wouldn't do well with an introverted woman. I'm just saying he should probably get with a woman who's not as introverted as he is. With Austin, it's pretty easy to be more extroverted than he is, because he's pretty introverted and shy lol. 🤭

[silverwings22]

Moth Fixes It: The Sequel Trilogy

This is a very long rant about the sequel trilogy, based on a conversation I (Moth) had with my husband (Mr. Moth) and my best friend (Lamp) who was more a victim of my yapping than anything else. My plan for how to fix the sequels below the cut!

MOVIE 1: The Force Awakens

This is our introduction movie. Let's start with our big bad: it should be Captain Phasma. The comics (according to Mr. Moth, I have not had the pleasure of reading them) says she grew up poor and found that chromium for her armor off Palpatines' old personal Nabooian yaht. So lean into that. She's obsessed with Vader/Anakin. She's obsessed with the idea of the poor slave kid who became the Fist of the Empire. She's the one fixated on Ben Solo, and seduces him into being Kylo Ren. (Give Gwendoline Christie more screentime, and let her be sexy. Dammit, I love her.)

Speaking of Ben Solo: I want him to be a doe-eyed dumbass the whole movie. She's molding him and manipulating him, he's trying to be the shadow of Vader she wants because he thinks he's in love and he's young and stupid. Show him jerking him around. Let her be the femm fatale and he's the halpless dolt trying to make her happy. Show him hesitate until she urges him. Show him with hickies and bruises on his wrists. Fuck that man up.

Keep Finn's backstory. A defected stormtrooper is INTERESTING. Lean into it. He was kidnapped as a kid? Show him questioning who his family was. Show him wondering if he was thrown away or if they had no choice. Let him be angry, let him be sad, LET HIM BE HUMAN because that's what his whole character is. He's human, despite what the First Order wanted him to be. Then let him defect because he's afraid, as he should be. And let him run straight to Rey.

Rey, however, needs MORE backstory. Gimme more than a nightmare or two about parents she can't remember the faces of. And start introducing the concept of the dyad early. She pops up in Kylo/Ben's bedroom right after a fight with Phasma where he's nursing a black eye? They share dreams? Whatever it is, scrungle him TF up so he looks good and pathetic, and she offers to help him. Give me an open hearted sugar cookie of a soon to be Jedi, despite everything she's going through on Jakku. Let her offer him some of her depleted little bacta stashes.

When she meets Finn, same thing. Let her offer him one of her measly little food portions. Let her be protective of him immediately. When they dip for the Rebellion together, let him confess who he is quickly, and her be the one to offer up that people can change for the better. Give her some unyielding hope to hold this being-found family together.

When they meet Poe with the Rebels, they quickly click. Finn and Poe make besties, they both adore Rey, the trio is born.

DO NOT have Han Solo and Leia just be talking again after years of being estranged. Han's whole character arc in the original trilogy is becoming the guy that STAYED. You expect me to believe he ditched his wife and Luke and went back to being the scruffy looking nerf herder he was 20 years ago? No, fuck that. He's been with Leia all the time. He's not Han Solo, he's Han Organa cause he took HER name. And they're running this shit show spectacularly, General and Captain. Rey and Finn can still turn up on the Falcon, he just sold it to help fund the Rebellion or something and the old girl found her way home anyway.

During their introduction to Han and Leia, let them meet a couple people who wear less orange jumpsuits and more brown with a couple funny looking braids in their hair. Leia can explain they're former padawans from Luke's temple who escaped and survived.

While the new trio is getting acquainted with the finer art of war, Kylo is being toured around his awful, hot, evil girlfriend's laboratory she's funding with her shiny chromium credits. None of this "somehow Palpatine returned" bullshit, he returned because Phasma got ahold of Hemlock and Pershing's research and she's cloning things. Throw in some sniffly looking little genius chained to a lab table for good measure.

We learn what a dyad is from Kylo’s research, and figure how that’s how he and Rey are connected. Throughout this Rey keeps trying to get to Kylo, as she learns more about who he is and gets to know his parents. She tries to help him, to hold the door to the light open for him to be brave enough to run through. "I'll help you. Just take my hand. Please." He answers this in typical shithead behavior by attacking the rebellion, injuring (BUT NOT KILLING) both his parents. (Can't reconcile if your parents are dead. The Jedi are about forgiveness, I need them alive to forgive.)

The movie ends with Palpatine coming out of the tank, not old and decrepit but young, in his prime, and pissed at the entire Skywalker lineage. He's not about to make Kylo his new apprentice, he's going to take Phasma as his new Fist of the First Order and focus on immortality instead of training a new Sith. He'll be his own apprentice, with blackjack and hookers. He tells Phasma she can keep Kylo as long as she keeps him in line, but if he so much as looks in the direction of Anakin-level drama Palps is gonna use lightning to turn him into Mongolian BBQ.

And I want doe eyed dumbass Kylo to be standing just outside the room, back to the door, listening in terror and with a recently bloodied lip, as he realizes that Rey was right. Phasma doesn't love him, and he's in fucking danger.

MOVIE 2: The Last Jedi

This is the BIG PLOT points movie, with the action. Start with Kylo fucking bailing on Phasma, running for his life pursued by angry giant pretty ex girlfriend. He has NO IDEA where he's going, and the dyad snatches him and Rey together on some poorly inhabited planet. (Bonus if it's cold, so they gotta cuddle). Build a believable romance starting there ala Zeb and Kallus from Rebels, where they gotta work together to survive. Poe and Finn, in all their bravery, find them because they'd never give up on Rey.

Kylo tells them how Palps is back. Poe calls Leia, who tells them the last person to defeat him was her brother Luke, who's been living in shame in the ruins of his Jedi Academy. She decides to go find Luke, so she can train to defeat Palps. Kylo goes with her, cause he's gotta start a galactic apology tour.

Finn meets Rose during a Rebel battle (I love her, such a wasted character, the actress deserved better and I'm giving it to her) and she obviously doesn't trust the ex stormtrooper. But he's been mulling over Rey going to fight, and parses the idea to her: let's steal their troopers. These two go on a harrowing adventure posing as Storm Troopers, getting into the barracks, inspiring other troopers to rise us and fight back. To take back their autonomy, and show them they're not just pawns. They lead a mutiny, they steal a ship, then they decide to do it again with a bigger ship. And a bigger one. Fuck it, they're stealing a goddamn fleet. Fuck the fathier races and the knife quest, they are inspiring people to take charge of their lives. (Have someone mention clone troopers that fought back for a callback to someone like Howser on Ryloth in TBB, maybe?) He's stepping into Han's shoes as the runaway who's learning to stay and find his place.

While this is going on, Hosnian Prime takes a Death Star to the face. The New Republic's seat of power is gone. Let's NOT act like it's not a big deal, and instead have the rebellion splintering at the seams because their two main leaders are injured and down for the count. Poe is the one who's pulling them together, forcing them to remember their on the same side. No contrived, unnecessary fight with Vice Admiral Holdo. She can be beefing with another leader or something, but a valid beef instead of "the script says I'm a bitch on a powertrip but I got no real reason." Poe gets all of them to pull their heads out of their collective asses. Let him step into Leias shoes as a military leader.

Now for Rey. You still want sad Luke, okay. He's ashamed he failed to protect his nephew from Phasma. He's ashamed he couldn't keep his students alive. Show him in the graveyard of the Academy, talking to the headstones. Have Rey show up with an apologetic Kylo who gets on his knees and begs Luke for forgiveness. Then let Luke 'There is still good in Darth Vader' Skywalker... forgive him. Cause that's who he is. Then Rey gets training. Actual training, not just with Luke but with Mara fucking Jade. Show him a path back from the Dark side from Auntie. And let them learn to control the dyad together.

Meanwhile, Rey’s still burning to know about her parents. So she and Luke finally sit down and delve into the Force, turning up a Force ghost nobody’s seen in a while. And fuck the “Rey is a Palpatine” angle. She’s Korkie Kryze’s kid, who’s Obi-wan and Satine’s. (This is where Lamp started cheering at the idea. She’s a Obi-wan Kenboneme girl.) Confirm that lineage. (And get a fun tie in to the Mandalorian too, making her have Mando heritage. It gives you more to work with on future projects if you want, too.)

Then give me a Kenobi and a Skywalker synergy, and the dyad making sense. Anakin and Obi-wan were two halves of a single warrior, and their grandkids took that shit literally.

MOVIE THREE: The Rise of Skywalker. (Let’s rename this. The Rise of Kenobi? The Rise of the Light? Something.)

Kylo/Ben and Rey are ready to fight, together. Luke and Mara Jade lend their sabers to them, but can’t leave to go with them because their place is here at the Academy. They literally pass the torch (but without dying. Mr. Moth is violently opposed to this trope and I’m inclined to agree) and the two go to leave. When they do, Luke turns around and goes to the equivalent of their Archives, and activates a beacon/sends a comm message harking back to Obi-wan’s “do not return to the Temple” from Revenge of the Sith but this time telling the scattered escaped Jedi that the time has come to return. We see comms blinking on wrists all over the galaxy, from the First Order stolen ships Finn and Rose are on to the Rebellion and everywhere in between. At least one woman is standing next to Lando Calrissian. Leia and Han see it too as they recover together.

Rey and Kylo send coordinates to Poe, but no one can get through to Finn. (Perhaps comm damage, out of range, etc. Gimme some juicy arguments. Holdo etc thinks it’s too dangerous with the Rebellion being so scattered. Poe demands to ask Han an Leia, there’s delays because ‘they’re still too weak, they almost died’ (we gotta fill 2 hours, lets get some emotional depth to this). Maybe they confer with another general, a graying blonde woman with a heavy tan and very distinct clone accent perhaps? (General Omega, General Omega, General Omega!) Or Hera Syndulla and a grown up Jacen? You can’t tell me they wouldn’t be there.

The argument is interspersed with Han and Leia doing what all older people who’ve seen some shit do: do it their damn self. They’re sneaking on the Falcon to bang on the long range transmitter, acting like they’re still twenty because they know their son is alive, well, and back on the right path. They’re so fucking proud. And while they’re attempting percussive maintenance to get a message to Finn and Rose, they get found by someone and then the whole arguing body is now in the Falcon.

They eventually decide to press the assault.

Meanwhile, Ben and Rey hand on whatever ship/planet Palps has made his evil base. Exegol is fine, we’ll go with that for the example. They’re dealing with young Palps and Phasma, along with tons of First Order, a fleet in orbit, and those Knights of Ren assholes. Cue EPIC lightsaber fight, I want this to rival Obi-wan vs Anakin on Mustafar. John Williams will do us proud with the score, he never disappoints. The battle is hard, but they take down the Knights of Ren and ground troopers. Phasma’s still trying to battlefield seduce Ben, but he finally gets to stand up for himself. He protects Rey from his former abuser. It’s very clear she’s got nothing on him, and we see the absolutely unhinged rage you get when a narcissistic abuser loses power over a victim. As she loses control, she finally makes a mistake and is taken down. The Rebellion turns up, and they’re getting it handed to them in orbit. We can keep that moment of despair Poe has in canon, where he thinks they’re going to lose and he apologizes while still fighting.

And then the stolen fled Rose and Finn had turns up full of pissed off former storm troopers with a lot of anger to work out. Let’s see good guys in TIE fighters (these are Mr. Moth’s fave SW ships, they deserve a little love.)

Let’s see my favorite line in all of Star Wars not get wasted this time. Rose’s “This is how we win, not by killing what we hate but by saving what we love” put to good use. Let her, Finn, and the fleet dive to put themselves between the First Order and the Rebellion, protecting them with the better and newer ships as shields. Flash cut to Rose and Finn’s hands gripping each other as they do this together. (I wanna ship it so bad and canon gave me nothing to work with!)

Rey and Ben face Palpatine, full dyad powers working together. He’s raging that he’s the most powerful being in the galaxy, all the great bad guy monologing. Let him reference the folly of the Sith Law of Two, because of how Vader betrayed him. How he’ll live forever, he needs no one, they’re weak and cowards because they won’t face him alone.

And then let them show what Star Wars has always been about: that you’re never alone. That doing the right thing will bring you to your people, and you’ll stand together against evil that seeks to divide and conquer. They are the Two that are One, and they whip his ass and destroy him, once and for all. (How many times to we have to teach you this lesson, old man?)

And they return, victorious, the First Order defeated, back to the Rebel base. Ben can apologize ot his parents on his hands and knees, and get hugged and forgiven. Maybe even a few of those padawans wave in his direction.

And the last scene should be Rey and Ben landing back at the Academy, with a couple other ships full of those same Padawans, and handing Luke and Mara back their lightsabers before Luke smiles and says “come on then, padawan. We have work to do.”

This fixes the GAPING plot holes, I think makes better use of the characters we got (they gave me great people and did NOTHING with them) and sets the stage for future projects while tying in some stuff that wasn’t put to great use either.

So if you read through all this: thoughts? Do you like it? Did I fix SW, or do you have better ideas? Yap with me, my friends.