#female roman sanders

[stemroses]

New wallpaper who dis 💖💛💙

[meadowofbluebells]

The Final Contract - Ch. 1

Summary: Janus and Logan Eleazar had no desire to be tutors. Between Janus' magic and Logan's skill with potions, they were hitmen at the top of their game. Even still, in order to kill Lord Edgar Leander, they needed to infiltrate the manor the nobleman lived in. Being tutors was an easy in and should have mattered very little to their over-arching plan. However, their young pupil, Roman Leander, had discovered a secret Janus was keeping from Logan. As a result, Janus found himself focusing more than he should on the boy and the life he led. He couldn't help but think that despite the lavish world Roman lived in, he was one of the most unhappy children he had ever seen.

Notes: This short story is also posted on AO3 under the same username. It was written for the 2023 Sanders Sides Big Bang.

~~~

A man had started following Janus around twenty minutes ago. He’d been returning home from getting dinner when he had first noticed the man tailing him. Up until that point, it had been a fairly typical day. Janus had spent most of his afternoon reading, while Logan poured over his notes at the desk by their bed. As was usual, they had spent hours enjoying each other’s silent company. The only sound in their brick townhouse was the sound of flipping pages and scratching pencils. 

However, after Logan had tugged on his hair for the fifth time, surrounded by wads of paper, Janus had finally declared that it was time to eat. He put the book he was reading on the ethics of magic onto his nightstand and went to stand by his husband’s side. Logan had groaned, barely looking up, as Janus proceeded to list off some possible meals. Logan had hummed and hawed over the options presented, eyes scurrying across the page, until Janus rolled his eyes and suggested he go to the store and get cookies. He smirked as Logan perked up at the idea, kissed his husband on the cheek, and slipped from the house. Hopefully, he would get back before Logan had given himself a bald spot. 

That had been nearly an hour ago. Janus had noticed the man following him about a block away from the market. He couldn’t get much information from the cursory glances he could manage without alerting the man to the fact that he had been spotted. Still, as Janus weaved his way through the busy city streets, he was able to put a few things together. The man kept tensing his hands. He was nervous, unpractised. None of Janus’ enemies would be senseless enough to send such an unskilled underling to kill him. He adjusted the bags in his arms as they slipped into one of the scarcely populated side streets. Something else had to have made Janus a target. He figured he had a pretty good idea what that was based on the way that the man kept not-so-subtly glaring at the engraved pocket watch that swung at his side. 

Janus sighed begrudgingly as he slipped into the shadows of a dark alley and quickly deposited his bags on the ground. Then, with a flair of magic, he ensured that any untrained eye would bounce right off him. There was a tickle in the back of his throat that he studiously ignored with a deep breath of musty air. With that accomplished, he leaned against the dirty wall and waited for his prey to round the corner. The man would only be a few seconds behind him. The fact that he had followed Janus this far from a populated area spoke of his less-than-impressive intelligence. A smart thief would be able to notice the obvious trap they were walking into. Oh well, at the very least, the little stray could provide a bit of entertainment. It had been a few months since he’d had a chance to stretch his claws.

Sure enough, the man appeared within a minute, brandishing a knife that must have been hidden on his person. He was all puffed up, grinding his teeth as he tried to determine which of the shadowy crevices Janus had hidden in. 

Janus could only smirk as he watched him pass right by him. There was a fine shiver to the man’s movements that made him look more like a kitten than anything else. Janus would have even laughed if he wasn’t so annoyed at the imbecile disturbing his evening. 

Thus, with a sigh, he allowed his glamour to drop and called out in a detached drawl, “Are you, by chance, looking for me?” He lazily flicked some dust off of his black overcoat before crossing his arms and turning an unimpressed expression on the clawless attacker. 

The man swung around, eyes dilated in shock as he set his sights on Janus. However, Janus would have to give him credit, he did recover faster than most. Maybe this small obstacle in his day wouldn’t be so boring after all. 

“Give me your money, and you won’t get hurt.” Spit flung from the man’s mouth as he spoke, and he tried to puff up even further. His grey cloak floated around his form as he took a menacing step forward. The knife in his hand seemed to shine in the low light of the alley. 

Janus sighed at the unoriginal line. Boring it is then. He leaned his weight further to one side, absently analyzing his gloved fingers.  “My money? To you?” Janus rolled his eyes. “I think not.” 

“I’m not afraid to use this,” The mugger said as he brandished the dagger. He pointed the sharp edge toward Janus. 

He watched as the mugger swung the sharp weapon in a slashing motion. “Yes, I am sure you would,” Janus said as he started walking forwards. “However, the way you are gripping it is too high up on the hilt. If you really want to cut a person in a wide arc, you should hold your implement lower down. The way you’re gripping it is more in line with a caveman first learning to hunt.” The attacker took a step back at the predatory look that had entered Janus’ eye. His smirk grew, and his skin buzzed with energy as a hint of panic entered the man’s brown eyes. 

“S-shut up!”

“Oh, have I frightened you?” Janus tilted his head innocently as he drew closer. “I guess your incompetence is rather frightening.” The attacker looked side to side, searching for an out. At this, Janus bolted forward, hooked his foot around the man’s ankle, and used the moment of imbalance that followed to slam the man into the brick wall at their side. With the flick of his wrist, he had the sharp edge of a dagger at the man’s neck. He leaned in close, humming in amusement as the man’s breath hitched in fear. “Just a tip, always keep your eyes on your target.” He pressed the knife further into the man’s neck. Warm blood trickled over the edge and slid down Janus’ gloves. He slammed the man’s head against the concrete. “Ah, I don’t know why I offered you that advice, stupid people like you never learn.” He sighed in annoyance and slammed the thief’s head a second time for good measure. The man cried out and slumped forward, breathing but unconscious. His long brown locks were coated with crimson red. 

Janus lowered his knife and stepped back, watching disdainfully as the man dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. A puff of dust floated up from the ground. With a grumble, he slipped the dagger back into the hidden compartment in his coat sleeve and looked down at his blood-spattered gloves. “Oh, look what you made me do.” His brows furrowed as he turned to grab his groceries. “If the cookies I bought for Logan are ruined, I’m coming back to finish the job,” he called over his shoulder as he rifled through the bags. 

However, as he was digging around, a tremor started up in his hands. He tensed, his eyes widening, as he clutched the wall. “Come on, not now.” His body, however, cared little for his wishes. He hissed in pain as a coughing fit overtook him. He quickly stuffed his face in his elbow as the coughing shook his body. For a minute, it felt like his lungs were rattling loose from their confines.

Once the coughing fit had subsided, he lifted his face to see blood coating his jacket and the taste of iron on his tongue. In a routine manner, he turned further from the food and spat the remaining blood on the ground. The little speckles of red quickly dried in the evening sun. He took a large gulp of air, his shoulders slumping in relief as his beating heart started to fade into its regular rhythm. 

With a sigh, Janus turned back to his bags and hefted them into his arms. His body, weakened by the fit, protested the movement. However, Janus, being used to moving through pain, simply gritted his teeth and kept walking. One step in front of the other, that’s all that mattered. As he reached the mouth of the alley, he cloaked himself in a glamor and turned back to look at the prone form wrapped in shadows. With a roll of his eyes, he muttered “Good riddance,” and stepped out into the street. After all, he had a famished husband to feed and a hungry Logan was good for no one, especially when he was caught up in his work. Besides, Janus reasoned, the man would wake up of his own accord eventually. Hopefully, anyhow. 

~~~

Janus slammed the door as he entered the two-story house he shared with his husband. He smiled as he was wrapped in the familiar scent of herbs and wood. His shoes scraped against the wooden floor as he shuffled them off and placed them neatly in their regular spot. 

“Hey! Don’t slam the door! I just fixed that!” Logan’s voice trailed out from their room.

“That was two months ago now,” Janus called back as he listened to Logan’s chair skid across the ground as he stood up. He put the groceries on a side table and started rifling around for the cookies.

“Just because it was a while ago doesn’t mean we should destroy our own home.” Janus smiled at the familiar response. “Now,” Logan continued as he rounded the corner, “did you get the coo- What happened?” 

Janus turned to look at his husband, noting the shocked tone and startled stance. “Nothing much, just a mugger who mistakenly thought I would be easy prey.” He smiled as he stretched his arms out in front of him like a cat stretching after a successful hunt.

Logan quickly stepped forward and grasped Janus’ arms. “Are you alright?” His fingers tightened around the bloody gloves.  

Janus smirked. “I am here, aren’t I?” 

Logan gave him an unimpressed look as he turned the slightly shorter man back and forth in search of hidden wounds. “Are you sure it wasn’t anyone we know?” His furrowed brow spoke of the way his mind was already compiling lists of possible adversaries. 

“He was much too unprepared to be sent by any of our enemies. Unless they sent him specifically for us to dispose of.” 

“Is he dead?” His fingers brushed against the mostly dried blood at Janus’ elbow. 

Janus froze for just a second before smoothly grasping his husband’s hands with his own. He pulled them up towards the space between their chests, rubbing circles along the knuckles. “He wasn’t worth the effort.” 

Logan’s tense form relaxed slightly at the words, before he frowned at Janus’ hands. “He ruined your good gloves.” 

Janus looked at the marred yellow fabric covering his hands and shrugged. “You know I always keep a spare.” He leaned up and kissed Logan’s cheek. “Now can we please sit down and eat the cookies I oh-so-valiantly protected from harm?” He sighed humorously as a sparkle entered Logan’s eye. In quick succession, Logan grasped the grocery bags and tugged the shorter man out of the entryway. Janus shook his head and smiled at his husband’s antics, allowing himself to be tugged along. 

Soon, they were tucked into the corner of their kitchen, eating a plate full of cookies. The sound of crumbs falling to their plates was broken up by the intermittent sound of children calling out to each other on the street and horses galloping by. It ought to have been peaceful, watching Logan being so caught up in his dessert that he hardly noticed the crumbs falling on his blue coat. 

To Janus, however, the cookies tasted more like iron than anything else - a phantom bitter taste that slowly sucked away the sweet flavor. The taste was getting more prominent day by day. It was like an ever-ringing alarm bell, growing louder with each fit - a constant reminder that there would be another attack soon enough. It was getting worse, he knew it was, and it was getting harder and harder to deny. If that fit had occurred even a few minutes earlier, that mugger could have taken him down. His heart raced as he imagined the feeling of the man’s knife lodged between his ribs. 

“While you were out, I got word of a new contract.”

Janus blinked. “Huh?” “We got a new job offer.”

“Oh.” 

A job. Oh, how desperately he wanted to go. He wanted all of it. Adrenaline racing through his body. The feel of a knife in his hand. The satisfaction of a job well done as he and Logan watched the final moments of a person’s life. Yet, another part of him, the part that tasted blood and was dripping with grief, knew it wasn’t a good idea. He wasn’t strong enough, he could already feel a constant ache in his bones. He didn’t want to put Logan in danger. What would happen if he had another fit at an inopportune moment? Most of all, though, there simply wasn’t enough time. Deep down, he knew that, even if the understanding hurt more than any fit. 

Logan raised his eyebrow as he set his glass down. Steam twirled around the top. The scent of mint curled through the air. “I think it would be beneficial for us to take it. The victim is looking for tutors for his son, so we have an easy in.” 

“We just finished a contract a couple of months ago.”

“Yes, but we have taken jobs much closer together in the past. There is a multitude of benefits. It involves breaking a rather strong protection spell. A corrupt nobleman i-” “We were starving back then, Logan.” The words were louder than he intended them to be. The two men stared at each other. 

There was a momentary lull in the conversation. The clock in the background ticked on, making the seconds that passed seem all the longer. Then, Logan pushed back his chair and stood up. The sound of wood scraping together made Janus wince. “I think your encounter today affected you more than you are willing to admit. If you really don’t want to take the job, we won’t, but I think we should wait until tomorrow to discuss it.” With that, he left the room, leaving Janus with a mind buzzing with thoughts. He clutched his warm glass between his hands, hoping desperately that the tea would wash away the iron. 

Eventually, he got himself under control enough to follow his husband to bed. He had expected a cold shoulder, but Logan welcomed him with open arms. Soon, they were wrapped around each other and Logan was fast asleep. Janus, however, was not so lucky. He lay in the dark, begging his body to slip into sleep. 

He had tossed and turned for hours before giving up and sneaking out of their bedroom by the dim light of a candle. Quietly, he made his way to the living room. The light bounced off the walls as he moved, catching on the blue fabric of their curtains and the yellow blanket that sat rumpled on the couch. In the nearest corner of the room sat a bookshelf overflowing with books on every topic known to man. Janus moved a number of piles away from where they were haphazardly stacked in front of the shelving unit before dropping to his knees. He took a deep breath before reaching under the bookshelf, pawing away at the dusty ground before his fingers grasped the edge of a cardboard box. He pulled it out and took off the lid. A small puff of dust fell to the ground, the little specks glowing like embers in the candlelight. 

Inside the box was a treasure trove of memories. A few of Logan’s notebooks, filled to the brim with scribbled ideas. A photo they took on their wedding day, both of them smiling broadly in their matching suits. The first pair of gloves Logan had gotten him. It was all there, placed with care in the little shoebox - evidence of a life well-lived.

He pulled each item out one by one, giving each the reverence they deserved. They calmed his racing heart, filling him with warmth. It was odd to think of how long it had been since these items were acquired. With them all laid out before him, it felt simultaneously like it was yesterday and eons ago. He could remember huddling together for warmth when they were in their youth - watching their breath freeze in the air to distract themselves from the cold. The adoration he felt as he watched Logan scribble away, mind lost in a complex web of brilliance. The hope for the future they felt on their wedding day, both of them wearing dashing grey suits, smiling widely as they stood for a photo. It was all still there, swirling within him to create the unbreakable bond that they shared. 

Yet, the memorabilia, and the emotions they evoked, also opened up a chasm of pain. It ripped through his heart, making him gasp at the weight of the emotions released. Anguish. Grief. Anger. It all tangled up within him, encroaching on his memories and tainting them with rot, demanding to be acknowledged. 

“I’m dying.” The whispered words felt so foreign on his tongue. Yet, they were also a relief, finally free from the confines of his mind. He could feel it in every bone of his body. A certainty that horrified him. He could see it in his mind’s eye, a doorway to the other side, light flickering from the crack in the door. “Why can’t I just say that? Go in there, wake him up, and te-” his voice shook as tears started to prick at his eyes, “t-tell h-him I’m d-dying.” He wiped at his eyes. “Dear gods above, I’m dying.” He quickly covered his mouth to smother the broken sob that tried to break free. 

He clutched the box tighter, curling around it like a shield.  The items within were faded with age, yet at that moment they felt like a lifeline. They were a reminder of the life he had led and the love that he shared. At the same time, they were a reminder of all that was lost. He was supposed to lead a long life with his husband, loving him for decades more. Yet, there, in the dark of night, all of that was ripped away from him. By god, he was abandoning Logan, the other half of his soul. The man who had comforted him and cared for him. Death was going to take him away and leave Logan all alone. This was the end of their happily ever after, and Logan didn’t even know it. This was the end of everything.

~~~

They had completed their first job during their teen years. They were young but effective. It had been a whirlwind couple of weeks. Creating plans, choosing the means of death, ending a life, covering their tracks, and so on. By the time they got home that night and Janus had dropped the glamor protecting them from view, they were absolutely spent. Their muscles were sore and their eyes half-lidded. Yet, Janus could not get his heart to stop beating. Despite the desperate need for sleep, he couldn’t imagine lying down and closing his eyes. He tried to regulate his breathing. He needed to calm down. He needed to st-

“Are you crying?” Logan’s voice seared through his overstretched mind; concerned and soft. His eyes darted up to watch Logan’s expression as he reached up to touch his face. Logan’s brow furrowed and he stepped toward Janus. “You are. Jan-”

“Leave me alone,” Janus hissed as he stepped back, rotting floorboards crunching under his feet. His heart raced all the wilder as he curled into himself. He blinked rapidly to dispel the flood of tears. His breath was coming out in puffs, pale white in the heatless room. 

“Hey, Janus, it’s ok.” Logan telegraphed his movements as he slowly stepped forward again and tugged Janus close, wrapping him in his arms. He gently rubbed soothing circles into the sobbing teen’s back. His hands seemed all the warmer against Janus’ chilled form. “It’s ok.” 

“There was so much blood.” Janus buried his nose into Logan’s neck, his breath hitching as his vision blurred. 

“I know.” He gently combed his fingers through Janus’ hair. His voice was steady and calm, pulling Janus from the panic of his own mind word by word.

“He looked so pale.” 

“I know, it’s alright. We knew this was going to be hard.” He pulled back from Janus, reaching up to wipe the tears from under his eyes. He held the other teen’s gaze in the dull blue light streaming into their decrepit apartment.  His smile was soft and gentle. “But now that it’s over, we can go collect our money. Get some food, put some money towards getting a better place.”

Janus snorted as he rubbed at his reddening eyes. “Somewhere where the neighbors don’t throw empty beer bottles at the wall. I wish we had been hired to kill them instead. I would happily stab them.” He glared at the wall covered in peeling paint, wishing their drunkard neighbors could feel the weight of his hatred.

Logan laughed at the scowl that was forming on Janus’ face. “We could even buy some cookies.”

Janus rolled his eyes and gave a fragile smile, turning back to look at Logan with his chilled cheeks and pink nose. “Are cookies all you can think about?”

“No, I have my thoughts categorized based on importance,” Logan said in an analytical tone. His eyes became glazed as that brilliant mind started working. “While sweets are probably higher than is optimal for my health, it isn’t at the top.”

“Oh yeah? What is then?”

Logan shook his head, once again focusing on Janus’ disheveled form. A delicate smile softened his face as he leaned forwards and kissed Janus’ forehead. “You,” he murmured. He smiled lightly as he pulled back to look at Janus’ blushing face. The flustered man’s mouth moved without forming any words before he slumped forward and buried his face in Logan’s neck again. Logan hummed gently and curled his arms around the other teen. “Are you ok now?”

“N-No,” Janus whispered in a shaky voice as he grasped tightly on Logan’s blood-stained jacket, “but, I will be”. His hands shook, pulling on the already fragile seams. They stood like that as the minutes ticked by, taking strength from each other’s presence. 

~~~

Janus smiled weakly at the memory, his cheeks still sticky with tears. After that mission, Logan had laid in bed all night with Janus, refusing to sleep so that he could wake him up from nightmares. While others’ death no longer scared Janus, used to all the indecencies that came along with it, he still cherished that night. There was a part of him, a large part of him, that wanted to cling to Logan again. To lay his cheek on his chest and listen to that soothing heartbeat. Yet, even as his brain screamed at him to go and curl up in his husband’s arms, to tell him the truth, he couldn’t bring his body to cooperate. A part of him felt like his rapidly beating heart should be hearable by everyone in the world. However, his highly trained ears heard nothing but the dripping wax of the candle and the occasional creak of the floor beneath him. 

His hands tensed around the memory box. He couldn’t tell Logan. It simply wasn’t possible. He couldn’t steal his happiness just yet. Instead, he would ensure that they spent their final months together doing what made Logan happy. One final contract. One final adventure. Then he would go and everything would be, well, not perfect, maybe not even okay, but manageable, and manageable is just what a dying man needs. 

Written By: meadowofbluebells

[vinbee631]

Family Ties

Logan used to have a hard time expressing his emotions. His new family ensures this changes. (For the better, I may add.)

writing these logince fics has been so much fun! i can't believe I'm almost done with all of them!

thank you all for the support on my last couple posts. it means the word to me, and it's crazy to me that there are several humans that have read all the silly little words I mash together and neglect to proofread

anyways!! this work is connected to day 4: winter, so you may have to read Welcome to the Family to understand some of this

enjoy! (the prompt for day 6 is hopes & dreams also)

Logan had been in college for eight years.

It was strange to think about, all that time (and money, as well. Even with financial aid, college was unreasonably expensive) he had spent to get to this point. In two weeks, he would graduate with his doctorate degree, and he wouldn’t ever have to step foot on a college campus again if he didn’t feel so inclined.

And yet, this very thing he had worked for, the commitment he poured his soul into for eight years, was overwhelmingly anxiety-inducing.

He had no idea what he was going to do. Oh, not with his career. He had already been job searching and starting applications that he needed his doctorate certificate to finish. However, the idea of leaving behind an atmosphere he had accustomed himself to for so long was ridiculously daunting.

He had become an adult here. He pulled his first all-nighter during freshman year finals, and it was followed by an incredibly unhealthy amount in the next seven. He made some of his best friends here, friends he had trusted enough to drink in front of for the first time when he turned 21. He got his autism diagnosis mailed to the apartment he still lived in two years later.

He came out here.

He lost contact with his biological family because of that, and gained an entirely new family as a result, not necessarily while he was at college, but during that timeline, so it counted in his opinion.

That was perhaps his fondest memory of all those he had made in his time tied to his school. Roman and his siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents had been so welcoming to him from the very beginning, and his love and trust in them had grown stronger than ever through the years.

Even as he endured all the teasing from them when he and Roman finally decided to start dating three years ago.

It was a very stark contrast from his biological family’s reaction, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

…His family.

Logan had tried to distance himself from thinking about his biological family ever since they disowned him, but the three of them had been extremely close up until that fateful day. Coming out had gone… poorly, and ever since then, the complete loss of contact has been jarring.

Perhaps jarring was an understatement. His mother and grandpa were the most important people in his life up until he was 22 years old. They’d raised him, fostered his love for astrology, helped him with even the hardest of classes, and paid for his first four years of college in full.

Then, Logan told them he was gay, and they threw him away like he’d never meant anything to them in the first place.

Logan sighed, shaking himself. It was too early in the day for this many mental tangents.

Perhaps he should call someone.

To anyone else, this would be strangely out of character. Logan had never been one to willingly talk out his feelings. Another thing his biological family had given him, always being closed off, opting to deal with personal problems quietly and alone.

After spending about 10 seconds with his new family, it was clear none of them had ever operated that way.

They shared everything with each other. Good news, bad news, funny news articles they’d found while doom-scrolling, anything they could. It took Logan some time to get used to this, but now, it was instinctual to be comfortable sharing what was on his mind.

And now, he did a lot more infodumping as well, something he had never been allowed to do with his biological family.

Yeah, the separation from them had taught him a lot about the reality of how good his biological family had actually been for him.

Subconsciously, as he had found himself mentally trailing off, Logan had called Gram.

“Well, hello, dear. It’s been quite a long time since you called me. I was beginning to think we’d never speak again.” Logan snickered at the teasing. He’d called her two days ago, but he was quite used to her dramatics and had picked up quite a bit of her sarcasm himself.

“Hello, Gram. I didn’t imagine I’d ever see the day where you, of all people, complained about having a conversation, but I suppose there is a first time for everything,” he jested back.

“Oh, leave an old woman be, I was just surprised. I figured you’d be busy with all the graduation preparation or whatever it is they make you poor kids do nowadays.”

“Gram, college is not that much different than when you were a kid. But no, my schedule is rather free for the next few days. And… I have missed you, quite a bit.”

“Oh dear,” she mumbled gently, fondness overtaking her tone, “you are far too sweet to me. I’ve missed you as well, darling. You’ve had a long couple of months, haven’t you?”

Logan nodded, then quickly realized his mistake. “Ah, yes, I suppose so. I suppose it has been worth it, though. The only thing I would change about all this is allowing myself some more free time for my family.”

“Entirely too sweet, Roman has been a terrible influence on you,” she joked. “Now, what’s going on?”

Logan blinked, taking a long moment to process her question. “I’m- not sure what you mean? I have a completely free day today, so I called to talk to you, as I have done many times before. So, nothing is going on other than this conversation?”

“My bad, darling. That was a bad way of phrasing it. I meant: what’s wrong? I can tell when one of my babies is upset, and it’s pretty clear, hon.”

“N-nothing’s wrong, Gram. I... I mean, it has been a long week, but nothing out of the ordinary. I am doing just fine,” he replied smoothly, sneaking in as much of a smile into his voice as he could manage.

Logan could hear her head shake through the phone, and not just because of the audible rustling. “You’re testing my grandma senses, dear? Trust me, I dealt with Roman in his slumps. I know how to tell when someone’s hiding a problem from me. Especially you, considering all the time it took to convince you that sharing is alright. I mean that nicely, by the way, I care a lot about you feeling alright.”

“Thanks, Gram. I… suppose it is a bit complicated to explain.” He didn’t elaborate further, cutting himself off with a long sigh. Was this really how he wanted to spend his valuable time talking to one of his closest family members?

“I have an idea, if you’ll hear me out. Why don’t you come up for the weekend. Roman will be here too if you’re not up for talking with me this time. He’ll want to see you anyway, and so do I.”

Logan thought it over. He didn’t have any classwork. Really, the only reason he was still near campus was because he’d already made his final housing payment, and he intended to use the space for as long as he owned it. If he left on Friday, he’d get plenty of time with Gram and Roman, and whoever else happened to be there, and still have the opportunity to leave on time to get back to his minimal responsibilities on Tuesday.

“...Yeah, I’ll be there. It will be… nice to talk things out in person. And to see you, of course.”

“Oh, you, such a flatterer. Worse than Roman, I swear. I’ll be looking forward to seeing you, hon. Love you big bunches.”

“Love you big bunches as well, Gram.”

…

The weekend came far too quickly, and yet not fast enough. Logan was anticipating the time with his boyfriend and family, but the real reason for his visit had been looming over him all week.

He knew it would be good to discuss what was bothering him. That did not make it any easier to look forward to doing so.

The four hour drive passed as fast as a blink, and Logan realized with an achinly fond smile that Gram had been waiting on the porch for him.

“Get over here, baby,” he heard her call as soon as he closed the car door behind himself. She met him halfway, wrapping her arms securely around his waist and inching up on her tiptoes and nudging Logan to bend down so she could kiss his cheek.

“Hello there, beanstalk. I’ve not missed this height difference, but I did miss you. You’ve been so busy, I’ve been lucky to get all those weekly calls.”

Logan chuckled. “I wouldn’t mist those for anything, Gram. I’ll always have time to talk to you.”

“Don’t remind me, I’m sure I know that,” she reassured. “I recall a good handful of those calls prefaced with a warning that you were at work or driving to class, or whatever else it was that made you so busy, you wild little multitasker.”

“Says you,” Logan teased right back as she ushered him inside. “Every time I come over, you’re cooking six things at once and in three separate conversations. I’d argue that’s much more impressive multitasking.”

“Flattery,” she laughed, pinching Logan’s cheek, “but as much as I love to tease, that’s not quite why you’re here, now is it?”

“Well, of course not, it’s because Romam is coming tonight, and you’d hardly miss the opportunity to tease us together under one roof,” Logan replied innocently, making her chuckle again.

“Oh, you are terrible. I would never do such a thing! Except, perhaps I already have. Alright, stop distracting me! I had a point, and you have become a worse instigator than your boyfriend,” she chided, nudging him along to the living room and onto a couch right next to her.

“Now, I won’t push you outside of what you’re comfortable with if you’re not up for this right now, but even over the phone, it was obvious you’re having a hard time. We can talk things through now, or wait for some other time, or never if you’d rather talk things out with Roman when he gets here. Or, a surprise fourth option, I guess.”

“I’ll take door number four,” Logan deadpanned, his false glare breaking with Gram’s laughter. “No, I… suppose I should talk things out. It won’t do any good to let them fester.”

“At least one kid listens to my lectures,” Gran shook her head, gently squeezing Logan’s hand. “Ignore my whining. You talk whenever you’re ready, dearheart.”

Logan took a deep breath, squeezing her hand back. Despite all the ruminating he’d already done, it was considerably difficult to figure out how to express all those pesky emotions he’d been dealing with.

Eventually, it all just spilled out. It started with his biological family, how the memories had been creeping up on him now that he was finally going to be moving on from the last connection he had to them.

Next, it was losing that connection, losing his home of eight years to graduation. He was still confident with his job choice and the ease of getting one of those, but the act of leaving… he was terrified.

There were other things as well, his returning, paralyzing fear of failure creeping back as he began to transition into something new. There were a few jobs he had considered applying for that he had to stop considering because of their terrible policies for the disabled. Not that he needed many accommodations, but an institution such as those would likely not be welcoming to an autistic individual.

And after all the work he’d put into acquiring this job, he was not about to settle for a place that would not make him feel human.

By the time he had gotten everything off his chest, and shed a few tears in the process, it had been… a while. At least an hour, likely more. Gran had been attentive the whole time, offering nonverbal support and comfort as he vented.

God, he loved her so much.

Once he was feeling calmer, a byproduct of the venting and the love his grandma had been pouring out to him, she tugged him along to the kitchen with a smile.

“Instead of making you sit through a saccharinely sweet talk about how much I love and support you, and whatnot, we’re gonna bake cookies. Sound good?”

“I would not be opposed to the love and support but yes, cookies sound fantastic.”

Gran whacked him gently on the arm, the smirk peeking through betraying her true feelings. “Quit being cheeky, you absolute menace. Here I am offering my home to you and giving you all the support you deserve, and you treat me like this in response? The cruelty! Whatever happened to respecting your elders?”

Logan laughed, and in an impulsive but familiar move, leaned down to wrap her in a firm hug. “Thank you. I… I needed this, more than I think I realized.”

“Oh, of course, Lo. Anytime, I-” Gran cut herself off with a smile. “Enough from me. You’d better go and say hi to your boyfriend.”

Logan perked up immediately, ending their hug with a final squeeze before rushing out the door to meet Roman as he hopped out of his Uber.

“Logan!! Oh, my precious starshine!” Roman exclaimed, throwing down his bags to scoop Logan off the ground. Logan giggled, nudging halfheartedly at Roman’s hold. “Roman I am taller than you, this is obscene-!” He cut himself off with a squeak as Roman began to spin him around joyfully.

“If you drop me I will never forgive you!!” Roman laughed joyously in his ear, but he did noticeably tighten his grip on his boyfriend. “Worry not, light of my life! The only thing I’ve ever dropped is my jaw at the sight of your lovely face!”

Logan resisted the urge to roll his eyes, smirking fondly at Roman as he was set down. “You are perhaps the clumsiest man I’ve ever met, forgive me for doubting the validity of your statement.”

Roman gasped loudly, a dramatic move Logan could recognize from a mile away. “You- don’t believe me? Your own partner? Would I ever lie to the loveliest man in existence, the force of nature that keeps my very heart beating? The slander, in my own childhood home! You disparage me, starlight!”

“You are incorrigible, but I suppose I knew that when I signed up for this,” Logan continued, laughing at the over-exaggerated gasp that was so forceful it made Roman cough.

“You win this one Tall, Dark, and Handsome. C’mon, let’s go in. Gram’s probably got a whole laundry list of teasing remarks at the ready, the old sap. Emphasis on the old.”

“Be nice!” Logan chided, huffing at his boyfriend’s antics. “Your grandmother is a saint, and to imply that the first thing she will do at the sight of us is jest is a slanderous oversight. I cannot believe you right now. She’s already teasing us right now, under her breath, testing out which ones sound the best.”

Roman wheezed, nearly buckling over as he walked. “You- you have a point, beloved. Forgive me for such an oversight. Now, let’s head in to hear what she’s planned for us, yes?”

…

The rest of the day continued similarly. Logan eventually ran out of conversation spoons just after dinnertime, and spent a few hours in his guest room destressing. Around ten that night, he wandered down the hall to Roman’s room, curling up with him on his bed.

“Welcome back, dear. Feeling calmer?” Logan nodded, shifting closer so he could kiss Roman’s cheek. ‘Much calmer, thank you, sweetheart. How are you?”

“Oh, a bit stressed about the upcoming show but hey, that’s just life. Also, Gran snitched on you, so I’m gonna awkwardly transition into bugging you about that now.”

Logan groaned, hiding his face in Roman’s chest. “Awful, terrible family. Why did I ever sign up for this? You people are so cruel to me.”

“Not as cruel as them, I can assure you of that.” Roman had meant it in a teasing manner, but Logan couldn’t help but wince. It was perhaps a bit too soon to be joking about something like that so soon after he figured out all his feelings.

“Ouch, that was in poor taste, wasn’t it? I’m sorry, beloved.” Logan shook his head, leaning up for another kiss. “Not your fault, I suppose it was a bit funny. I’m just… “I let them control me for years, and I didn’t even realize. They were so… harmful to me, but they were the only people I had. It… it was so hard to realize that all that time spent idolizing them was time wasted. And, I don’t think I’ve ever completely moved on from it, which is terrible. They don’t deserve it, even if they are just thoughts.”

“First of all, you are allowed to grieve over losing them as much as you need. No, they don’t deserve it, but you deserve to process what they did in a healthy way. And yeah, the things they’ve done were terrible, but it wasn’t time wasted. You truly did love them, and they taught you so many things that make you so special. It’s not time wasted, it’s just… time you had to spend to get to us.”

Logan blinked, pushing away the sting of happy tears. “I.. suppose you have a point. I know I need to process my grief healthily, I just wish they didn’t make that so difficult. They… I almost wish they would have made it more obvious that they were terrible people. They hid it behind so much positive and healthy behavior, it can be hard for me to remember that they are bad for me.”

Roman sighed, rubbing a hand across Logan’s back, sending shivers through his body. “I know, darling, it is very complicated. It can be hard to deal with all the gray space in the black and white of talking to someone or cutting them off entirely. But, no matter how positive some of their influences were, you’re so much better off here. I hope you can remember that.”

“I am trying,” Logan decided, “and I know I will get there. It just… I want to be able to block them out forever as they did to me, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be capable of that.” “You don’t have to push yourself to forget them entirely, but I can understand why that would be desirable,” Roman reassured. “You have dealt with all of this incredibly well given the circumstances, and you have accomplished so much. Hell, you’re graduating with a doctorate this year! You’re amazing, Lo, and if they can’t see that beyond the hatred, then it’s their loss.”

“It truly is,” Logan agreed, “especially since it means they never get to meet you.”

“Aww, come here, precious.” Roman grinned, hugging his boyfriend so close, Logan could feel his boyfriend's heartbeat pulse through his own body. “You’re incredible. I am so proud of you and the things you have accomplished. I am so confident in you, and I know this change is going to be hard, but you’re gonna embrace it just like everything else.”

“Ah, she really did snitch on me, huh?” Roman nodded solemnly, still holding his boyfriend as tight as he could manage without actually hurting him. (Logan loved this, he had been encouraging Roman to help him with pressure stimming for years, and his boyfriend always agreed.)

“I can’t say I’m surprised, but… I’m not upset that she did. Talking about everything again would be way too many spoons for one day.”

“Well, if you do need to talk more, I’m always here, my love. You are so important to me, and anything you need, I can provide.”

“The same to you, dearest. Now, it is getting late, and I know you’re going to be up early working tomorrow. Sleep with me?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, starlight.” Logan smiled, kissing him gently on the lips before pulling the covers up around him. He truly was lucky for every single person in his life. Even his biological family, he supposed.

Without them, he never would have received the kind of love the Reyes family would be outpouring to him for years to come.

He and Roman fell asleep tangled in each other's arms, and Logan only dreamt of love and happiness.

[prodigal-explorer]

my roleplay information/application!

hey guyssss, so like i'm kinda desperate for rp partners so i'm just gonna try my luck here and see if any of y'all are interested in rping with me! feel free to read through this information and message me if you are interested!! as long as you meet my requirements, i would love to rp with you!!

basic information

i am 18 (19 in a few weeks) and i'm okay rping with any age, but i will not rp anything relating to nsfw with a minor. not even implied nsfw, it's just very uncomfortable. but if you're 18+, i'll rp anything on this list with you!

i only rp semi-lit/descriptive. this means at least five sentences, detailed responses that aren't just surface level. it's hard to respond to stuff that's lazy, so please please please just put in the effort if you want high quality responses in return!

the fandoms i roleplay are sanders sides, undertale, your turn to die, and omori. i dabble in oc rp, but it's not very common for me since i don't really have many ocs that i like enough to rp with.

my favorite types of roleplay are heavy angst and whump. i love really dark concepts, and it's rare that i won't do something that's dark and angsty. i struggle with concepts that are just fluff because i prefer rps with a lot of conflict and struggle.

my only triggers are constant discussion about body type/comparing body types and descriptive talk of medical needles. other than that i will do literally anything lol.

i am filipino-american, audhd, physically disabled, and i love to incorporate these aspects of my identity into the characters i play. if you don't like that, we probably won't make very good rp partners.

i hate hate HATE poking. please don't remind me of the rp after ten minutes of me not responding. please don't remind me of the rp after ten HOURS of me not responding. i know it exists, i just need time to reply. if you nag me about responding, i probably will wait even longer to reply because it's intimidating.

i love to chat oorp! feel free to leave a silly message, even if it has nothing to do with rp!

scroll all the way to the bottom of the post if you want to see writing examples!! below are just specific tidbits of information pertaining to each fandom i rp!

sanders sides specific information

the main side i love to play is roman. i will always want to play roman in every single tss rp, he's just me, he's my number one homie, my favorite character of all time.

i can also play any of the other sides, but my characterization for them is not as solid as roman.

i don't really like patton in roleplays unless he's a minor character or an antagonist/villain. i am very good at playing patton as a villain, but i don't really like playing him in any other context. i have so many aus where patton is a villain or antagonist, so if that's your jam, you've come to the right place!

i will do mindscape or human aus, i love both!

i am okay with ocs but i will not do canon side x female oc. it just makes me very uncomfortable to ship sides with female characters.

some of my favorite ships are roceit, prinxiety, logince, anaroceit, analogical, intrulogical, and loceit.

the only ships i WILL NOT do are moxiety, royality, moceit, logicality, intruality, and remrom. every other ship, i'm completely okay with.

i love rping as remy or emile picani!!

i have SO MANY IDEAS for this fandom. like literally hundreds of aus. so please message me if you want to rp anything with angst, or drama, or anything like that because i have SO MUCH.

undertale specific information

so fun fact i'm actually kind of bad at undertale rp.

it's not that i'm awful i just don't have a lot of experience, but i'm working on it!

the main characters i like to play are papyrus, undyne, alphys, toriel, asgore, and gaster.

i can also play asriel/flowey, sans, frisk, mettaton, grillby, and chara if necessary.

i am totally fine with ocs, bring them on!

i don't really like rps with the au sans stuff? nothing against it, i just don't really know much about it and in the nicest way possible i don't really care. i prefer to stick with canon and prequel/sequel aus instead of aus that change up the characters' personalities and stuff.

my favorite undertale au of all time is handplates i have so many thoughts about it and i would love to rp it!

i love angsty rps but undertale is actually one of the only fandoms where i love to rp fluff for it. undertale is just such a goofy game and i love emulating that style of humor in rp!

ships i enjoy are soriel, papyton, alphyne, sansby, and whatever the ship name for alphys x gaster is?

the only undertale ships i WILL NOT rp are anything involving the child characters (frisk, chara, asriel, monster kid), and anything that ships undyne with a guy. i'm also not a huge fan of asgore x toriel but i'll do it if you really want me to!

your turn to die specific information

i am so new to rping in this fandom but i really want to anyway!! trust, i know all the lore, i just need some solid experience!

my favorite characters to play are jou, reko, nao, gin, kai, shin, hiyori, and sara.

i will play q-taro, mishima, or alice if necessary!

i am very bad at keiji, i don't think i can play him well.

i love canon and au roleplays equally! i would love to do either way!

i like pretty much all the ships, it would be easier to list ships i don't like.

i don't like any ships that involve the little kids (kanna, gin, hinako), any ships with a huge age gap (especially sara x keiji), and shin x hiyori. it's just...no.

omori specific information

i am very new to the fandom, so please have mercy on me if i get something wrong lol!

my favorite characters to play are kel, hero, aubrey, and mari!

i can play sunny if necessary.

i will not play basil. i actually don't like basil being present in roleplays, he's just a character i personally dislike. i'm fine with him showing up occasionally as a minor character, but i just don't like him being a big part of roleplays.

i will roleplay canon and aus! i love both! but bear in mind i am a bit more hesitant to rp ships in canon, but in aus i have zero reservations!

my favorite ships are anything involving sunny, kel, and aubrey being together, but my number one otp is hero x mari!

the only ships i WILL NOT do are ships that have basil in them, especially basil x sunny or basil x kel. they just don't sit right with me personally.

i don't really know much about the minor characters of the game...i might need a bit of guidance if you want to use a character that isn't a part of the main six! but i am completely fine with it as long as you're okay with me being a bit clueless.

writing samples!!!

The streets were soft, the dusty sidewalks concealed by powdery snow that made Brooklyn look like a wedding. Roman stepped lightly, wondering how high he would have to hold himself to keep his foot from sinking in the snow, ruining the shiny white blanket that protected his bare feet from the cruel asphalt.

His book remained tucked under his jacket, as if it needed protection from the biting wind. Roman didn’t think it was possible for something that carried such beautiful notions and ideas to be unfeeling, so he acted as though there was a beating heart somewhere between the pages. Nobody had ever told him there wasn’t one, so what was the harm in believing if it made the sky feel brighter, and the air feel warmer, and the world feel more connected?

When he came back to the small, tucked-away alley that he and his brothers were currently living in, he was happy to see a little fire that he could warm himself beside while he opened his new book, aching to see what was inside.

--

"Protect...me?"

Roman was unfamiliar. He was always used to protecting other people. He was tall, graceful and beautiful. Couldn't really throw a punch, but he had a way with his words that could get him absolutely anything he wanted. Including peace. He was used to standing between bullies and victims, seducing with his sweet smile and long eyelashes. Making anybody feel like they've been blessed just looking at him. With his parents always gone, and nobody to hold him during nightmares, Roman had gotten used to holding himself. But now, he just wanted to be protected so badly. He wanted to be truly loved by somebody besides himself.

"Okay..." he whispered, "Okay."

--

"Oh! Do you guys want to go to that restaurant across the street?" Patton asked, "We performed so well tonight, I think we all deserve a treat! Virgil, you hit that syncopation perfectly, and Janus, that riff was amazing! The crowd went wild for us! Drinks will be on me, as long as you all promise not to drink too much. I'll be the designated driver too. What do you say??"

Of course, this invitation was not extended to Logan. Patton didn't even notice Logan in the area, assuming that he was off sweeping the stage or packing up the van. Patton was the one who decided what everybody did, and he usually gave Logan the grease-work like that. He didn't really care very much about Logan, just because Logan wasn't as close to the group. There wasn't that bond of performing show after show, having fans that requested autographs, being followed and gushed over by paparazzi.

Since Logan was never onstage, nobody knew the face or identity of the man who wrote the songs that all these fans were so crazy about. And Patton sort of preferred it that way. He didn't really like the idea of Logan being a face of their band. Unlike Janus and Virgil, Patton wasn't sure how the public eye would recieve Logan. The man wasn't remotely ugly, but he was rather plain-looking. He tended to blend into the background of the rooms he occupied. He wasn't the type of look one would expect to be in a hugely successful band.

All the others had their "niche". Patton was the sweetheart, the nice one, the innocent one. Virgil was the quiet, brooding, mysterious one. And Janus was the charmer, able to seduce anyone with a wink and a smile. What was Logan? He didn't talk very much, he wasn't particularly nice, brooding, or seductive. Patton didn't like that Logan didn't exactly have an archetype. He didn't quite fit in.

--

Roman tilted his head with a polite smile and an appropriate amount of interest as Logan disclosed his name. It was nothing familiar to him, but he did think it was a beautiful-sounding name. He always loved when people's first and last names started with the same letter. It felt like a name out of a fairy-tale when it had that feature.

Listening to what Logan was saying, Roman couldn't help but go red, very embarrassed. He was bad at English, but he certainly wasn't stupid. He could tell that Logan was euphemizing heavily in order to preserve Roman's feelings, which made Roman both embarrassed that Logan felt the need to do this, and honored that Logan cared so much about how he felt. It was a really sweet gesture, honestly.

"You write music too?" he asked, very curious. "I would love to sing a song by you wrote. You will...pay me? Money?"

Roman wondered if Logan was offering him a job, or just wanting to have a jam session as friends and colleagues. He would be happy with either option, but he wanted to manage his expectations there and then, so there would be less awkwardness from false assumptions.

--

Roman looked at it and smiled as he read through the lyrics, his eyes carefully scanning from left to right as he ingested each lyric. His smile only grew.

"It is okay," he said, "I like messy handwriting. It means...it means your brain moves fast, and your hand must hurry to follow. I like this song. I think...I want to sing it. Do you want me to sing here? In front of everyone?"

Roman would definitely be willing to give Logan's song some publicity. And he adored the thrill of singing a song for the first time in front of a whole crowd of people. Roman wasn't the type to get stage fright. The more risky a performance was, the more excited he was to try and execute it. Roman had a bit of a shame deficiency, such was obvious with him singing those lyrics he wrote out loud multiple times.

His eyes were shining with enthusiasm, but also, with gratitude. He was thankful to Logan for the opportunity he had to bring this song to life, this brand new song that no one had ever heard before. The idea that its first breath of auditory life would be coming from Roman's own voice was so romantic that it almost made Roman want to sing it right there and then so he wouldn't have to wait anymore.

[multi-fandomedfreak]

Sanders Sides fic idea:

Janus, Logan, or Virgil (writer's choice!) teaching female!Reader how to waltz. Why? Because Roman's planning his birthday in the Mind Palace, and it's bound to be extra.

Authors note: This short fic will be about Janus but I would love to write about Logan and Virgil later on so if you want it just send me an ask or leave a comment (P.S, sorry this took a little while lol)

Warnings: none

Janus and you were trying to cook dinner for the other sides. Keyword: trying.

The reason you both weren’t getting very far was due to the amount of blatant romantic tension that was going on between the both of you. At least, it was blatant to the other sides.

You and Janus just couldn’t seem to pick up on the thick, romantic tension between the both of you. You just wrote it off as having imagined the tension due to the fact you just couldn’t wrap your head around the idea of Janus reciprocating your feelings towards him.

Which frustrated the other sides more than Remus (which is a very rare accomplishment so good job?). This has been going on for months now and today was no exception.

“No, that’s not how you bread the chicken. Here let me show you.”

Janus said before stepping behind you and wrapping his hands around your torso and taking your hands with his. His soft hands guiding yours, the warmth of his chest against your back, his face right on your shoulder. All of these things made your heart race and your cheeks heat up, making it hard to concentrate on the task at hand. You could’ve sworn he stopped guiding your hands to bread the chicken and was instead caressing them.

Janus opened his mouth to say something when he suddenly jerked away from you at the sound of Romans loud voice coming from behind you.

“Watch out, lovebiiirds! The noblest Roman comin’ through!” He announces in his overly dramatic fashion like usual, making his way between the two of you, which effectively ruined the moment between the both of you.

You quickly tried to hide the fact you were flustered beyond belief and cleared your throat in an attempt to clear my head.

“Oh we-we’re not-.. it’s not like-” You attempted to keep your usual sarcastic attitude up up but failed miserably. That was before Janus interrupted while focusing on washing his hands before putting his gloves back on.

“Love how you just barge in so dramatically, Roman.” Janus said in his obviously sarcastic voice, and with clear annoyance, but Roman couldn’t seem to catch on to that.

“Oh thank you! I’ve been told to tone it down a bit but cmon! Who doesn’t love my dramatic self!” Roman said with his dramatic arm gestures that you had to dodge. Janus rolled his eyes in annoyance and looked down sassily at his gloves as he fixed the buttons on them.

“I can think of a few people.” Janus mumbled under his breath but Roman must’ve heard him as he whipped his head towards the deceitful side and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Excuse yo-.”

“So Roman, any reason why you came to talk with us?” You exclaimed in a loud manner to get his attention back and stopping the brewing argument. It seemed to work as Roman then turned to me and a smile replaced his offended look.

“Oh yeah! Soooo, because my birthday is coming up, I decided to host a formal dance! Yknow like waltzing and everything. Here’s an invitation.”

He was talking quiet loud again and summoned a very glittery, bright card to shove into your hands. He then walked away in a dramatic fashion while wiggling his fingers at you both and said in a teasing tone, “Byeeee, don’t be late lovebirds!!” He finished off with a wink before strutting away. Roman calling you both ‘lovebirds’ made you flush red yes but then you realized. You have no clue how to dance.

You sighed as you opened the invitation, looking down at it in slight annoyance over the fact you didn’t know how to dance.

“Hey, you ok?”

Janus’ voice snapped you out of your own thoughts and you looked up at him, seeing a worried look etched onto his face.

“I know Roman can be a lot at times but you shouldn’t let that…theater diva get to you.”

He said with a slight smirk at the name he called Roman. You let out an airy chuckle and look at him with a slightly mischievous face.

“First of, you’re a diva too..” You said tauntingly and cut him off before he could retaliate. “…and second, it isn’t Roman’s fault I felt a little..disappointed you could say.”

“…Disappointed? Why would you feel like that?” He asked with a tilt of his head. He moved slightly closer to you as he said this and as you looked up at him, you couldn’t help but think he resembled a puppy. This made you crack a smile as you motioned to the card.

“Well it’s a formal dance and…I can’t dance.” Sheepishly, you rubbed the back of your neck at admitting this. While you started to get lost in your own thoughts, you heard Janus give his most dramatic and most exaggerated sighs of all time.

“Oh wow you beat your ‘dramatic sigh’ personal record.” A small smirk settling on your face as you said this. Janus just continued giving you his signature sassy look and sighed once more before speaking.

“You’re the one being dramatic here. I could easily teach you how to dance. Specifically waltzing. It’s not the end of the world that you don’t know how.”

You looked at him for any sign that he was lying to you but nope he was being one hundred percent serious about that. He even gave you that look that made you realize he was not lying in the slightest.

“You..know how to waltz? I’m both not and very surprised.”

He rolled his eyes, trying to fight the small smile making its way onto his face. He grabbed your hand with his gloves ones and pulled you into the living room, turning around to face you once you got there. You raised an eyebrow as he pulled you in closer to him by your waist, trying your best to stop the blush from creeping up to your face.

“W-wait, right now? What about dinner?” You said in a confused tone as Janus lifted one of your hands, making you instinctively place your free hand on his shoulder. He shrugged and made a face that said, ‘we’ll deal with that later.’”

“Now, I want you to take one step forward with your left foot ok?” He said as he guided you by the waist. After stepping on his polished dress shoes a couple of times, you both managed to settle into a nice rhythm. You even managed to do it without having to look down at your feet.

The waltz felt beautiful. Both of you ignored the world around you as you could only concentrate on one another. The waltz wasn’t very graceful or professional but it was imbued with the passion the both of you held for one another as you continued to spin around the living room.

You couldn’t help but get lost in the moment as you continued the dance. Your eyes grazed over his appearance, specifically the snake half of his face. His slit pupil, the pink around his eye, the smooth scales running down his face to his neck disappearing down into his dress shirt. You’re chest swelled up with love at the fact you were sharing this intimate moment with him. One where it was just the two of you and no one else. One where, even if you both weren’t saying anything, the waltz clearly spelled out what you felt about each other.

A sly smirk settled on his face as he saw you basically checking him out, failing to hide the deep passion he held for you in his eyes. This in turn made him pull you in even closer as you until both of your chests were touching. Due to this you both came to a slow stop to just stare into each others eyes. His breath was intertwining with yours from how close you were and his eyes were drinking in your appearance.

You felt your heart practically stop as you saw him lean in closer to your face. This couldn’t be happening, right? You’re just imagining his eyes glancing from your eyes to your lips, right? Once you realized this was all very real, all other thoughts calm to a screeching halt in your mind as all you could focus on was the sincerity and love in his eyes. You took your time leaning in wanting this moment to as long as possible.

You could practically feel his soft lips grazing yours when, not surprisingly, all of the sides barged into the room as if it was on queue. The sudden sound of all the sides talking all at once made both you and Janus jump away from each other as if you were burned.

“We absolutely cannot take a dog off the street, Patton. You don’t know where it’s been, if it’s someone else’s, if it’s been vaccinated-”

“But Logan! That dog needs a home and did you see his face!? He needs love.”

“Patton we’ve been over th- REMUS GET DOWN FROM THERE!”

“OK IF YOU SAY SO.”

“NOT HEAD FIRST-”

“I’m going to my room you all give me a headache.”

“I give you a headache!? IM LITERALLY THE ONLY ONE NOT YELLING.”

“You are now, stupid.”

“HEY DONT SINK OUT ON ME JACK SMELLINGTON.”

Janus once more groaned in annoyance and had to pinch his nose in order to not lash out at everyone (and also to hide his flushed face) while you simply just snickered at all the havoc going on.

You moved closer to Janus and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, successfully getting his attention.

“We can continue what we started once we finish the food.”

A little cheeky smile made its way to his face and he nodded as you both made your way to the kitchen, getting ready to have to spray Remus with soap in order to keep him from adding random objects to the meal.

[samders-sides]

I am trying to find a really good sanders sides fanfic I once read - it had all the sides in the imagination, and there were two female oc’s (one who was the big bad and the other a fairy godmother type). The big bads goal was to turn Roman and Remus back into one Creativity so that she could rule by their side once more.

There was also a scene where I think Virgil was being controlled and fought Roman? And succeeded in stabbing him (possibly killing him?)

Any help would be amazing ❤️

[hazyaltcare]

🥀 / 🥀 / 🥀 / 🥀 / 🥀 / 🥀 / 🥀 / 🥀 / 🥀

A female! Roman Sanders (Sanders Sides) stimboard with themes of vaporwave and liminal spaces.

Mod Haze (🧨Tate)

[thatonelesbianfander]

Been thinking about the first Sanders Sides AU I ever saw that got me into the fandom after hearing the song Evelyn Evelyn for the first time in a while

It was a Gacha Life AU by this one old Sasi Gacha creator that was a light side zombie AU. I’m pretty sure it was titled Zombie Sides if anyone remembers it. It’s no longer available because it got deleted with the channel of the person who made it. I don’t think there were any ships between the light sides but I do remember there being some Demus and maybe some Prinxiety.

Plot recap under cutoff (TW for death mention, murder mention, unsympathetic C!Thomas, zombies, violence, and argument mention)

The basic plot as far as I remember was that Roman and Remus got into an argument to the song Evelyn Evelyn (Roman as male voice, Remus as female voice), so the light sides go on a day out together to cheer Roman up. On that day out together, the lights are killed. They’re eventually brought back as zombies, which leads to the start of a zombie apocalypse. Remus and Janus (who was referred to as Deceit since it was made before his name reveal) end up getting attacked by the zombie lights and end up escaping and ganging up with a group of random people (that I’m pretty sure were the creator’s ocs) to try to find a cure.

I’m forget most of what happened after Remus and Janus teamed up with that group but pretty sure that Remus and Janus ended up figuring out that C!Thomas had started the apocalypse and Remus ends up killing C!Thomas when they confronted him and the sides are revived and turned back from zombies to humans, and Roman and Remus make up. This was literally my favorite AU, and I wish it wasn’t deleted.

The AU was actually pretty good and coherent and I miss it. I also think having C!Thomas as the twist villain was interesting because not a lot of Gacha AUs were using C!Thomas for anything and was more side focused so having the twist villain be C!Thomas instead of some random person was actually pretty cool.

Honestly, I should just remake the AU as a fanfic-

[creativia10]

*materializes into existence*

HI :D

Mayhaps platonic analogical? Logan meeting one of Virgil's pet spiders? Maybe?

Idk if you're up for requests rn, but here this is in case you are.

Have fun writing :D

When Virgil Can Share His Spider Love

Warnings: Spiders

Pairing: Platonic Logan and Virgil

Wordcount: 3059

Notes: Yes I am most certainly up for requests. My first post about taking fanfic writing requests was for Sanders Sides, but this is actually my first writing request for this series. Most of them have been for the Owl House. I actually haven't written for analogical (platonic of otherwise) in a while, so this is nice.

This prompt implies that Virgil has more than one pet spider, which was a concept I don't think I've seen before. So I wanted to play with that idea in a way that still stuck true to the initial prompt. This almost gets me to want to write a fic about Virgil acquiring his first spider pet actually. I'm also considering one about Logan getting a pet. Maybe another fic related to this one, sometimes I get inspired.

It's almost common knowledge at this point that Virgil  has a pet spider. So he doesn’t think much of it. When Logan approached Virgil one day out of the blue, his pet spider was not a topic he expected to come up.

 Logan was all business. His posture straight and face neutral. Not an unusual look for the logical side. His eyes had a direct and focused look to them as he faced Virgil. That said he had an intent purpose for coming to the other.

Virgil tensed instinctively. His first response to anything always being to stay on guard.

Logan’s hands were folded behind his back and he nodded to the anxious side.

“Virgil. If I could have a moment of your time, I wanted to ask something of you,” Logan said.

Yeah, that wasn’t helping at all.

Virgil leaned back a bit and nodded.

“Uh…yeah Logan? What’s up?”

Logan tilted his head slightly at the reaction, but his face didn’t twitch.

“Apologies if my approach has distressed you at all. It is nothing bad, I can assure you.”

Now that should reassure him in some way, but this was Virgil. Hopefully the others would understand by now it’s not that simple to calm him down.

“Uh huh. Just out with it, Logan. What did you want to ask?” Virgil asked.

Logan nodded and straightened up again.

“Right, yes. I have been informed of the uh spider situation in your room.”

Ah, yes. Virgil knew what he was referring to.

After the mini-plushies video, Roman had seen Virgil's use for mini-Roman. A companion for his pet spider. Roman had not approved, not wanting any version of him to be near a spider. So he got Remus to give Virgil another spider, so that could be the first one’s companion. Little did Roman know, the new one was a male spider. Seeing as the original was a female…you can see where that went.

Roman had even more incentive to avoid Virgil’s room than he had before. Virgil loved having many spiders in his room though. These spiders were all over the room now. The webbing from the Halloween special was no longer a one-time thing. Since there were so many spiders around. Most of them were still small, as the majority were still babies. They were actually hard to keep track of because of that. Another thing that made the other sides unnerved.

“Ah. Yeah? What about it?” Virgil asked.

He wasn’t sure why Logan was asking. It didn’t affect him. The other sides rarely went into Virgil’s room anyways because of the affect it had on them.

“Well, uh,” Logan shifted. The first break in his perfectly logical posture.

 Now Virgil narrowed his eyes, but in confusion.

Logan cleared his throat.

“I haven’t heard of such a phenomenon happening with another side before. Which, of course I suppose makes sense. Seeing as this is a new thing, and we only know of other sides of Thomas. Not to mention you are the only side here with an affinity for spiders. As most of them have a fear of them due to Thomas’ arachnophobia…”

The rambling…was Logan nervous?

“Logan,” Virgil simply said.

Logan stopped mid-sentence and then adjusted his tie.

“Ah, right. Well, anyways, I found myself curious about the state of these spiders in your room. As I often am with anything out of the ordinary in the mindscape when it’s not solely imagination based. It only makes sense as the aspect of Thomas for logic. That I would want to know as much as I can, especially if it pertains to himself,” Logan said.

“Logan, you don’t have to justify being curious about something,” Virgil said.

Something shifted briefly in Logan’s face, that was gone in a blink. Logan adjusted his glasses.

“Of course not. I wasn’t doing that. I don’t need to do such a thing,” Logan said.

Virgil found himself wondering if Janus would call Logan out on that were he around. Virgil decided to let it be for now though.

“Okay. Anyways,” Virgil gestured for Logan to get to his point.

Logan nodded again.

“Right, yes. Is it okay with you that I enter your room and observe the spiders in there,” Logan asked.

Virgil blinked. He wasn’t sure why, but that was not what he expected Logan to ask.

Maybe to ask a bunch of questions, given Logan’s love for knowledge. But to actually want to see them? Nobody had ever expressed an interest in something of Virgil’s like that before. He didn’t blame the others for fearing spiders, of course. But it was nice that someone actually wanted to know more about the creatures. And not just want to get rid of them right away.

“Is that all?” Virgil found himself asking.

Logan nodded.

“Yes. I wanted to see how the many spiders behaved in an enclosed environment such as your room. Not to mention if their behaviors compare to real spiders at all. I'm curious to see what that could mean for Thomas’ subconscious,” Logan said.

“Okay. Yeah, you can watch them. But under one condition,” Virgil said and held a finger up.

Virgil could see the excited gleam in Logan’s eye once Virgil had said yes. Logan rolled his shoulders back and re-straightened his posture. But Virgil could still see Logan’s excitement.

“Yes, of course. What is it?” Logan asked.

“You must not harm any of them,” Virgil said more seriously. The others’ dislike of the spiders was not the only reason no one else had gone in since so many spawned. Like Virgil said, most of the spiders were so small. His difficulty keeping track of them made Virgil nervous as well. He wasn’t versed in the proper way to take care of so many spiders. They had started to crawl around before he could get them in an enclosed space for their own safety.

He didn’t want to chance anyone else stepping on them. Especially when he was barely sure about being able to avoid such a thing himself. Plus, even though he doesn’t think anyone would want to upset Virgil, he is well aware of fight-or-flight when it comes to seeing something you are afraid of. He doesn’t think anyone would want to upset Virgil. But one of them could smack a spider instinctively without meaning to.

Nobody had complained about the ban from his room for the time being. Yet, Virgil could see Logan being more careful. Logan had the science knowledge on how to be around critters. And would be more cautious in Virgil’s room anyways.

“If you so much as swing near a spider, I will ban you from my room and from all the spiders,” Virgil continued.

Logan nodded.

“Of course, Virgil. I promise, I mean no harm to your spiders. I will be extra careful,” Logan said.

Virgil’s shoulders untensed and he sighed in relief.

“Okay,” Virgil said. He gestured for Logan to follow him and headed to his room.

He stopped in front of his door and turned around. Then he waved for Logan to step back some. Logan furrowed his brows in confusion but stepped back anyways.

“Okay. So first, I need to make sure none of them are in the way. So there is a clear path to walk in without a chance of anyone getting stepped on. I also ask that you not come in here without me,” Virgil said.

“Of course, Virgil. This is your room. I wouldn’t enter without you unless you said I could.”

Virgil nodded and then carefully opened the door. He quickly looked on the ground and then stepped forward, closing the door behind him. He wanted to make sure none of them could escape from the room. Spiders running rampant through the mindscape was the last thing they needed.

As Virgil looked forward on the ground, he squinted and kneeled to get a better view. There were some on the floor. Looking like little black dots with tiny legs scattering about. He reached forward and gently brushed them to the side. Most of them reacted instantly, scurrying away. Some heading to the closest webs and jumping away. The ones closest to his hands started to climb onto his fingers the moment his warmth came near them.

He sighed at those ones and held his hands to his chest as he stood up. Then he moved his hands to the closest webs at his shoulder level and lead them to cling onto those instead.

Virgil scanned the floor another time to be sure and then turned to the door.

“Okay Logan! You can come in now. Please close the door quickly, and still watch your step the whole time. They move around a lot.”

The door opened and Logan swiftly slipped inside. He closed the door almost as soon as he was in. Honestly, Virgil was impressed.

Logan leaned against the door for a moment. Then he looked down in front of him, before he followed Virgil’s path to the center of the room. Logan walked at a slower pace though as he was looking around at the room.

Virgil’s room tended to have a lot of spider webs and cobwebs, as he liked the aesthetic. But there were way more now. The newer ones were more distinguishable. They had nicer designs and the designs were easier to see. Most of them didn’t block walkways thankfully. But the walls were covered in spiderwebs, along with some corners. And the webs were covered in spiders. They were scurrying about, spinning webs, and crawling along the furniture as well.

Logan looked around himself a lot, as though he couldn’t decide where to focus on.

“Fascinating…” Logan said, “I assumed that others had vastly overestimated the amount in here. Given the other sides’ wariness of spiders.”

Virgil snorted at that.

“Ah, no. The spiders reproduced fast.”

Logan hmmed at that. as he stepped forward to the wall right to their side. He observed a particularly intricate web hanging there.

“Do they always have this much energy?” Logan asked. His thinking face on.

Virgil thought about it.

“I’m not sure actually. There’s always some sort of movement going on, except maybe at night. It’s hard to determine if it’s the same spiders or not though,” Virgil said.

“Yes, I can imagine the sheer amount of them would make discerning that difficult. Now a 24/7 camera on them and careful observation may help with gathering data for that,” Logan muttered.

“I’m not putting a camera in here, Logan,” Virgil said.

Logan waved that off, “Yes, of course not. I was just thinking out loud,” Logan said.

Virgil hmmed at that. He knew Logan wouldn’t breach his privacy, but even bringing up such a thing made Virgil nervous.

Virgil took a breath. Logan continued to mutter to himself aloud. He leaned in closer to the webs than most people tended to, while being mindful not to get stuck in one.

A small hiss got Virgil’s attention, and he glanced to his bedside table. He smiled when he saw his first spider companion sitting there. Virgil walked over and then kneeled so he was eye-level with her.

“Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you,” Virgil said softly.

He had no idea where her mate was though. Probably on one of the ceiling webs or something.

He reached forward slowly before he started to pet her.

He heard Logan come over to them, and then sit on the bed. The bed was one of the few places the spiders didn’t take over in the room. Unless it was night time and they decided to follow mom cuddling with Virgil. Before he has to shoo them away that is.

Virgil shifts so Logan can see, before Virgil puts a hand out in front of the bedside table. He gently coaxes her crawl onto his hand. Virgil felt her little legs tap lightly against his hand as she scurried on. He stood up with her in his hand. Then he turned to face Logan.

“Would you like to meet her?” Virgil asked.

Logan blinks. “Meet her?”

“You know, like pet her and maybe hold her,” Virgil said.

Logan looked at the spider with an awed look.

“Ah…if it is truly okay?” Logan asked.

Virgil nodded and sat beside the other on the bed.

“Yeah, I trust you. Plus, I’m right here in case you change your mind.”

Logan nodded.

“Alright.”

Virgil holds his hand out, and Logan reaches forward hesitantly. He pets her softly, barely even touching her.

“I can’t promise they would all be this chill with petting,” Virgil said. “Even if the others weren’t too small for that anyways. I don’t know them all yet. I haven’t even really tried naming the new ones, as I wouldn’t know how to keep track of which one was who.”

“What is this one’s name then?” Logan asked.

Virgil felt his face warm. Nobody had asked about her name yet, so he hadn’t needed to admit it.

“…Charlotte.”

Logan paused and then smiled.

“Like from the book?” Logan asked.

Virgil sighed.

“Yeah…I named her when I was young, alright? And I thought of the spider friend from the book when I saw her…” Virgil muttered.

“You don’t need to be embarrassed, Virgil. It’s cute,” Logan said, still smiling.

Virgil groaned.

“I don’t want to seem cute,” Virgil said.

“Ah, of course. Having one sentimental name for a pet doesn’t have to take away from your uh, quote ‘toughness’,” Logan said.

“I’ll give the other spiders much cooler names,” Virgil said.

“Of course. I would expect nothing less,” Logan said.

They went back to just focusing on the spider after that.

“It has been a while since Thomas has touched such a creature. Especially given his arachnophobia. I myself never have on my own. I don’t interact with the imagination much,” Logan said after a moment.

Virgil nods.

“I understand. I don’t go out of my way for the twins’ creatures. But it is nice to have my own little companion like this,” Virgil said.

Logan nodded, petting her softly again.

“Yes, I recall there are many positive benefits to having a pet. I can uh,” Logan clears his throat again, “I can see the appeal.”

“Did you want to hold her?” Virgil asked.

Logan inhaled.

“Yes,” He said.

Logan held his hands out.

“Be very careful with her,” Virgil said.

“I will,” Logan said softly.

Virgil quietly encouraged her to crawl onto Logan’s hand. She was much more hesitant to crawl onto Logan’s hand. Charlotte stepped forward at a slower pace as though cautious about the new surface.

Virgil saw Logan refrain from jolting at Charlotte’s first little taps onto his hand. He only twitched briefly. The touches of the little legs tickle, especially if you’re not used to it. Logan’s eyes widened as he looked down at her. After a moment of no more movement, Charlotte continued to crawl onto Logan’s hand.

He slowly brought her closer to his chest, and put his other hand up near the first as a wall to keep her from falling. She spun in a circle on his hand.

Logan’s mouth twitched into a smile at that.

“I think she likes you,” Virgil said.

Logan glanced up, but didn’t look away from her for long.

“How can you tell?” Logan asked.

Virgil shrugged.

“Well for one thing, the fact that she has stayed on your hand. She also hasn’t tried to bite or attack you at all,” Virgil said.

“Was that a concern?” Logan asked.

“I don’t know. Like I said, this hasn’t come up much. She at least doesn’t dislike you or see you as a threat. Probably because she trusts me,” Virgil said.

Logan nodded.

“Do you think she is more intelligent than a real spider? Along with the others around here?” Logan asked.

“I’m not sure. It wouldn’t surprise me though. Considering Thomas’ fear of spiders, these ones are surprisingly friendly. More so than I would expect,” Virgil said.

“That could make it easier for them to exist in the mindscape,” Logan said.

“Perhaps,” Virgil said.

Charlotte stayed put for a moment after doing her spins. She crawled side to side for a moment. But then decided to get brave and started to climb up Logan’s arm.

Logan gasped and froze, clearly unprepared for that.

“Charlotte no!” Virgil exclaimed. He wrapped his hands around her and pulled her off of Logan before she could get past his elbow.

She then proceeded to attempt crawling around his fingers.

“Gah!”

Virgil struggled to get a hold of her again. He ended up using a scientific gentle pinch to hold her still before setting her back down on the bedside table. She moved side to side again before starting to climb up the wall to get to the web there.

Virgil sighed and turned back to Logan.

“Sorry about that. She decided to be in an adventurous mood all the sudden,” Virgil said.

Logan laughed a little.

“It’s fine. Honestly, it was a bit amusing once I realized what was happening. I was only concerned it would be harder to watch out for her when she was crawling about,” Logan said.

 Virgil nodded.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Which is why it was better to get her off of you. In fact, I think spider visit time may be over now. They may not seem like it, but spiders can actually get quite shy. I wouldn’t want to chance how they would be once they get tired of being around a new person,” Virgil said.

Logan nodded. “Of course. I’m grateful for any amount of time I got with them.”

Logan walked out of the room, Virgil behind him to close the door carefully again.

Logan smiled at Virgil once he was in the hallway.

“Thank you, Virgil. I know that was a bit of an unusual request for you. I don’t take your trust for granted,” Logan said.

Virgil smiled a bit shyly at him.

“No problem, Logan. It’s not that big of a deal. Let me know if you ever wanna swing by again to visit them. Maybe you can help me find a way to name the new ones without going crazy,” Virgil said.

Logan nodded at him.

“Of course. I’d be honored.”

[bijoumikhawal]

"The remark about worship in female attire has evoked the assumption that Onias was open to an active involvement of female priests in the worship in his temple. Thus, P. Richardson and V. Heuchan, have interpreted the Talmudic reference to women’s clothing and drew a connection to JIGRE 84 that mentions a “Marin the priestess” in the context of “Land of Onias” and thus with Onias’ Temple. P. Richardson and V. Heuchan conjecture that the Talmudic passage preserved a hint of rabbinic opposition to an unorthodox practice of the cultic in Onias’ Temple. Cf. P. Richardson and V. Heuchan, “Jewish Voluntary Associations in Egypt and the Roles of Women,” in Voluntary Associations in the Graeco-Roman World, ed. by J. S. Kloppenborg and S. G.Wilson (London: Routledge, 1996) 283." (Page 152 of Priests in Exile by Meron M. Piotrkowski)

"Contra Richardson’s and Heuchan’s view, who one-sidedly claim that female priests were active at Onias’ Temple. Their assumption is based on known parallels from Egypt sacral culture in which (female) priestesses took an active part in the worship in Hellenistic and native shrines. They reinforce their argument by pointing out that already in the Bible one encounters precedents in which Jewish women performed cultic acts. Richardson and Heuchan refer to Exod 38:8; 1 Sam 2:22 (two texts that mention women serving at the entrance of the ‘Tent of Meeting’); Num 26:59 (that mentions Amram’s wife, Yoḥevet, the daughter of Levi and Miriam, Aaron’s and Moses’ sister) and 1 Chron 6:3 (again mentioning Miriam alongside her brothers as descendants of Levi, i.e. priests). Based on these cases Richardson and Heuchan argue that the worship at Onias’ Temple stood within the same tradition. Accordingly, since Onias’ Temple was detached from Jerusalem, the possibility remains that the Oniad Jews pursued a unique tradition of interpretation of the biblical text, thus adopting the tradition of Miriam as priestess that served as a model for the women of the Oniad community. Like Miriam, the women of the Oniad community too were closely connected to Egypt. As such, they could have adopted the practice of a female priesthood as in Hellenistic and native sanctuaries (for e.g., the priestesses of Isis, or Anubis). The involvement of female priestesses in the worship conducted at these temples was mostly confined to music and the musical background of the worship, similar to the tasks the Levites fulfilled in the Jerusalem Temple. On the Levitical functions in the Temple, see E. P. Sanders, Judaism: Practice & Belief 63BCE-66 CE (London and Philadelphia: Trinity Press International, 1992) 77–92. Richardson and Heuchan remark too that Marin’s inscription does not elucidate what kind of role she might have played during the service in Onias’ Temple. They speculate that she might have been responsible for music, pouring libations and/or preparing sacrifices, which are common practices performed by female priests in Egyptian shrines. They argue that enough time would have passed since the establishment of the Oniad Temple (sometime in the middle of the 2ndcentury BCE) to allow for the forces of assimilation to work and to have allowed for such a shift in temple practices. In the context of the debate regarding assimilation, we may note that ca. 100 years passed since the establishment of the Oniad Temple and the point Marin would have been old enough to be actively involved in the priestly service at the temple (she was born in 77 BCE)." (Pages 190-191 in Priests in Exile by Meron M. Piotrkowski)

[1000-year-old-virgin]

Books I’ve Read In 2022

This year I read the average amount of books I usually do. I was so touched to read my first book with a LGBTQ+ protagonist. It's embarrassing that it took my library so long to provide access to characters/books connected to the LGBTQ+ community.

But yeah this year was amazing for inclusivity. Most of the books had main characters from the Black community and the LGBTQ+ community.

1. Ariah - B. R. Sanders

A touching LGBTQ+ fantasy that reflects our real life society issues and fantastical issues while displaying a collection of identities.

2. Black Leopard, Red Wolf - Marlon James

This is an amazing Afrocentric fantasy book. Never before have I read a fantasy that focused on Africa instead of the typical European medieval setting with a LGBTQ+ protagonist.

It's written well but a lot of parts were tough to read because they were so disturbing but if you have the guts to read past those parts then its an amazing read that I couldn't put down.

3. Hollow Kingdom - Kira Jane Buxton

Fun! Couldn't put this book down. Love reading books with animal protagonist.

4. The Good Luck Girls - Charlotte Nicole Davis

Thrilling fantasy book with a Black female lead and LGBTQ+ representation.

5. Under the Pendulum Sun : a novel of the Fae - Jeannette Ng

6. Into the Drowning Deep - Mira Grant

A Tense horror/Sci-Fi book with a LGBTQ+ lead protagonist. I also appreciate the X-Men references that are peppered throughout the book.

7. A Gathering of Old Men - Ernest J. Gaines

A book similar to "To Kill A Mocking Bird" that brought out so many emotions. Mostly of rage and deep sadness. Excellent book but definitely hard to read sometimes. I loved it so much though and I'm actually planning on watching the movie now.

8. Lord of the White Hell, Book 1 - Ginn Hale

Another LGBTQ+ lead book in the fantasy genre that takes place at an academy. Loved this book and I'm so excited to read part 2.

9. X-men Chaos Engine: Doctor Doom

10. X-men Chaos Engine: Magneto

11. X-men Chaos Engine: Red Skull

Steven A. Roman

Psylocke is the main character in this trilogy! Nuff said! Plus, they're one of the best X-Men books I've ever read. I must confess this is my second round of reading them and I don't usually read books more than once in my life.

[vinbee631]

What Our Parents Didn't Teach Us

chapter 3!! this is the heavy bit, I promise i have more lighthearted plans for the future, but for now, cw for homophobia, transphobia, blatant misgendering and deadnaming, + anxiety mentions and talk of divorce

the prompt for this was "no changes" which I... may have stretched a little but I like to think it still fits!

The last half hour of the drive to his parent’s house, Remus was a blur of motion in the backseat.

When Patton had noticed him picking at the red skin on his knuckles, he offered a fidget toy as a replacement, but other than that, he and his husband let him be. Remus had every reason to be stressed out, and there was no need to discuss the stimming when they’d had plenty of conversations about this day for the past week.

Everyone in the car was facing their own amount of anxiety about the day’s events. Roman’s sister, Remus’ mom, she was very well known for her unpredictability (and cruelty). She had kicked Remus out, but that had been months ago.

Roman was hopeful she was going to have a change of heart, but he was not optimistic. Mostly for Remus’ sake, but partially for his own. She was still his sister, after all. No matter how crazy or homophobic she was, a part of him was still the protective older brother, wanting to look out for her and make sure she was alright.

He tried his best to focus on literally anything else as they parked on the street in front of her house. Despite everyone’s initial anticipation, they sat in silence as the car ran, no one particularly eager to make the first move out of the safety of Roman’s car.

“We don’t have to go in until you’re ready, kiddo.” Patton unclipped his seatbelt and turned to check in on Remus. He still looked far too anxious for either of his uncles to be happy, but his determination won out eventually.

Hand in hand, the three of them walked to the door together, only breaking apart so Remus could be the one to knock on his parents’ door.

To Remus’ relief, it was not his mom that answered the door.

“Oh, buddy.” Remus let out an involuntary sniffle as his dad pushed through the doorway to wrap him in a hug. “Hey. Hi. Are you okay? I… I’m so- the apology isn’t even enough. I’m just… I’m so happy to see you.”

“Yeah,” Remus whispered, clinging back. “Um… sorry for blocking your number.”

Ron chuckled breathlessly, pulling away to cup Remus’ face in his hands. “I don’t blame you for that. I can’t deny I was worried, but… that was deserved. Uhm… would you like to come in? All of you?”

Remus took the lead, following his dad inside, with his uncles following in line behind him. After a few moments passed, and no one said anything, Remus flopped onto the couch, smiling as one of the family cats immediately made its home in his lap, purring away like nothing was wrong.

“Well, look who finally decided to show up.” Remus tensed, and found that almost instantly, he was met with two protective hands on his shoulders, one his dad’s and one his uncle Roman’s, who had both, apparently, taken a seat on either side of him. Patton stood nearby, and despite his lack of height, managed to make his stance very intimidating.

“Oh. And you've brought Roman. I suppose my daughter ran off to stay with you, then?”

“He didn’t run off, Candy. He called me to tell me he was no longer welcome in his own home, to which I drove two hours in the snow to pick him up so he didn’t freeze to death. But yes, he’s been staying with me,” Roman retorted.

Patton squeezed his hand tightly. Reassurance, mostly, and probably a warning not to get too angry just yet. Roman was… well, he’d try his best at that part.

“Of course, you of all people would play into her little- tomboy fantasy. Regardless, I am glad you brought her home. Thanks for stopping by. Oh, and maybe call Dad once in a while? He asks for you all the time.”

“First of all,” Roman huffed, squeezing Patton’s hand and Remus’ shoulder to keep his anger in check, “we’re not here to ‘drop Remus off.’ I didn’t even want to bring him here in the first place. And secondly, after the- endless amount of incorrigible things Dad has said to myself and my husband, I do not think I’m going to be doing that.”

His sister rolled her eyes. “Come on, you can’t seriously still be butthurt about that, it’s been years! And, I mean, he didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,” Candy glowered in Patton’s direction, staring him up and down as he spoke.

Patton shivered as a chill blew down his spine, and not the good kind.

“Look, I didn’t come here to let my family get verbally berated by quite possibly the most homophobic people in my life, and I’m not talking about your husband. We’re here because Remus is likely going to be staying with us permanently, which means he needs to switch schools.”

Candy looked briefly furious, before allowing her anger to settle into a deceptive calm. “Alright, fine. You can take Regina with you. She can come and live with you as long as she wants. Or, well, she can live with you as long as she wants, until the police come knocking with a missing report and an arrest on file for kidnapping. That’s fine with me.”

“Candy, please don’t-” Whatever reasoning Ron was trying to come up with was quickly shut down by a look sharp enough to kill. She directed her attention back to her brother and son, who both valiantly avoided eye contact.

“Oh, changed your mind so soon? I can’t imagine why. Well, I suppose I’m cooking for one more tonight. Three more, if your uncles decide to stay the afternoon? Come Regina, you can help me crack the eggs.”

“You know what?” Remus pushed himself up to stand, meeting her eyes before she could turn away. “I didn’t change my mind. I know exactly what I want, and what I’m going to do. I want to live with my uncles, for however long they’ll have me. I want to personally obliterate any person left still calling me that- stupid fucking name. It’s not even a cool name! It means ‘queen,’ which is one of the most boring definitions, there are like- fifty different names that mean royalty!

“Every time someone calls me that, it makes me want to rip all my skin off and pluck my eyeballs out of their sockets so I’d never have to look at myself again. I don’t know what you aim to accomplish by making my existence so unbearable that I’ve thought about not living anymore so I wouldn’t have to deal with it, but it’s not getting you ‘your daughter back,’ that’s for damn sure.

“And you know what? Maybe my decision will change! And that’s okay too! Maybe one day I’ll decide that the name I picked is stupid, which I won’t because the original Remus was a badass and died in such a cool way, and also it kinda matches Uncle Roman’s which makes it even cooler, but even then, it doesn’t matter! Even if I do go back to the way I was before, the fact that you never allowed that transition to be an option for me, actively putting me in danger of myself because you didn’t educate me on something that was so, so important for years, means that I will never go back to having the relationship I did with you when I was little.

“So you can go around and say that you disowned me, or that You made the wise decision to never allow me back in the house, but in the end, it’s me that’s cutting you off. It’s me that’s ending the relationship. Because even if Regina comes back, she’ll never come back to you. Cool? Cool. Dad, can you sign this for me?”

Remus’ mom gaped, flapping her mouth like a comically deformed fish as Ron gracefully accepted the pen and signed off where his son pointed.

Roman stood right next to him, with his own husband, the both of them shining with enough pride to light up the entire house.

When the legal business was over, if you could even call it that, Remus’ dad reached out for another hug, which was gratefully accepted, and they both eagerly promised to call each other, while easily ignoring his mother’s furious gaze.

She opened her mouth to say something else, probably senseless screaming, but Roman cut her off. “Candy, as much as I love you, I don’t think any of us are actively going to listen to what you have to say. So unless it’s an apology or a kinder invitation for free food, I think we’re gonna head out. Ron, it was nice to see you, as always.”

Candy did a little bit more useless flapping, before letting out a furious screech and stomping up the stairs and slamming what they assumed was her bedroom door. Remus let out an audible sigh, leaning into his uncle Roman’s side.

“That was… not really what I pictured, but okay.” Roman chuckled, ruffling his hair. “Regardless of intention, you did good, kid. You feeling alright?”

Remus took a moment to process the question before nodding. “I mean, obviously that sucked ass, but she didn’t scream at me and I said what I needed to say. All of the other emotional shit I’ll be able to deal with eventually.”

“Language,” Patton chided gently.

“English.” Remus and his dad responded in unison, chuckling at each other’s antics until Remus’ smile suddenly dropped.

“Hey, why the long face?” His dad asked, having to crouch down a bit to meet his eyes.

“I… I just realized I can’t just- take you with me. And that really sucks, and it’s very extra not fair that I have to leave but you have to stay here with her,” Remus huffed.

“Well,” his dad started, “I lived with your mother for a long time before we even had you. I think I can handle it if she’s in a bad mood. If it makes you feel better, I can call when you guys get back?”

“I guess,” Remus grumbled into his shoulder as they embraced again. “But, you gotta promise that if she starts fucking with you too that you won’t- put up with it like I did.”

Remus’ dad hesitated. “Well, that depends on how you define ‘messing with me,’ because it might be a bit late for that, bud.”

Patton’s lips twisted in a concerned frown, but before he could even open his mouth to offer what he intended to be a kind suggestion, Ron raised a hand in protest.

“I… believe I know what you’re going to suggest. And, I won’t lie and say I haven’t thought about… leaving, in the past. It… well, Candy and I have been through a lot together, but when it comes down to choosing between her and my son… I don’t know that I could make that decision on a whim. Not today, at any rate.”

“Well, you’re not gonna lose me if you stay here,” Remus decided, “so you’re not choosing between anything. And like… I get it, I know you loved her way before any of the crazy bitch stuff happened, but- why not? What’s… what’s really stopping you?”

Ron sighed. “Well, mostly the emotional attachment, I will admit. Probably shouldn’t be talking to my kid about this, but- divorce is hard. I don’t… I don’t want that to be my first choice without giving her… well, she’s had time to redeem herself, but I think I need to talk with her first. About a lot of things, not just today. Things that… happened between just us.

“But! That’s a horribly depressing thought for another time. Would you boys still like to have dinner together? I can drive ya to the best pizza place in existence.”

“Oh my god, we have to go. I haven’t had Tasta Pizza since November and I am actively losing my life force without it,” Remus replied seriously, his mood immediately boosted by the offer. “You guys down?”

His uncles briefly made eye contact, but it wasn’t even really a question. “As long as I can drive instead, I suppose that can be arranged.”

Remus cheered, nearly dragging his dad out the door, already chattering excitedly about their trip, bemoaning the loss of the supposed best pizza in existence.

Seeing his dad smile, truly smile, as they fought over which slices were bigger was just enough to release the tightness in Remus’ chest, keeping his spirits up even as they drove home without him.

[beetlewine-art]

Sanders Sides: Names and their meanings.

I was curious about what Logan's name means since is one of my favorite names for a boy, so i searched it up and i decided to share the meanings of the sides names like i did with the characters of "Encanto" and some of Disney's female villains. I don't remember doing one for the sides, so i decided to do it.

Side notes

.I wanted to put more than one meaning since names can have multiple meanings depending on the culture and i didn't put ALL of the meanings that Google give me in the post. For example, i saw that Roman can also mean "Gilged" or "Golden" but it was in just one source, while Strong and Powerful apeared multiple times. I am in no way a name expert and i was just curious about what their names could mean and i make a quick Google search so if you know another meaning for their names or think any of the info that i put here is wrong, please feel free to share and correct me in the comments.

. If you are wondering what Thomas name means, it aparently means "Twin or "Alike-looking man" so it means the same as Remus.

. Fun fact, the name of my Sanders Sides OC, Reagan means: "Little Ruler/King" or "Royal" and is a gender neutral name.

Tell me, what do you think of their names? Do you like their meanings?

Tag list: @emobeanwhoneedssleep @maze-arts @roman-can-gay

[loganslowdown4]

So Thomas and Joan a couple years ago made a video out of a bunch of quotes from the movie Anchorman, and I just found the transcription I made for it again…

So here I present to you:

Anchorman Sides

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Roman: I need all of you to stop what you’re doing and listen! CANNONBALL!!

☆

Roman: I’m kind of a big deal.

Logan: Really.

Roman: People know me.

Logan: Well I’m very happy for you.

Roman: I’m very important, uhhh I have… many leather bound books.

☆

Remus: What in the hell’s diversity?

Roman: Well I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

☆

Virgil: Hey nice clothes gentlemen. I didn’t know the Salvation Army was having a sale. HAHAHAHAHA

Patton: Hey! Where did you get those clothes? At the toilet store?

☆

Logan: I will have you know that I have more talent and more intellegence in my little finger than you do in your entire body! Sir!

Roman: You are a smelly pirate hooker!

☆

*dog barks*

Roman: You pooped in the refridgerator? How’d you do that? I’m not even mad, that’s amazing.

☆

Roman: I’m not prepared. I’m really not prepared at all.

☆

Remus: I woke up this morning… and I shit a squirrel.

☆

Roman: AAAHHH I’M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!

☆

Janus: They had to bring a female in. Change your diapers, wipe the dribble away from your bubbling lips. Rub vaseline all over your hiney and tell you it’s special you different from everyone else’s. *laughs*

Patton: You said hiney!

Logan: Pat get back over here.

Patton: haha Hiney

☆

Roman: You’re a real hooker. I’m gonna slap you in public.

Logan: *laughs* You have man boobs.

Roman: You’ve got a dirty whore-ish mouth, that’s what you have.

Logan: A jazz flute is for little fairy boys.

Roman: Ok, you know what? That’s uncalled for. I can’t work with this man.

☆

Logan: I’m Logan Sanders.

Roman: And I’m Roman Sanders. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

Virgil: *screams*

☆

Patton: Why did you say that? You’re my hero, Roman!

Roman: Pat, I…

Patton: And you come out with stink like that! Poop! You poop mouth! The poop outta your mouth! *cries*

Roman: Pat, if I were to give you some money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain?

☆

Roman: We are IN LOOOOOOVVVVEEE!!!!!

Roman: Did I say that loud?

Virgil: Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.

☆

Patton: I love carpet.

Roman: Pat are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?

Patton: I love lamp.

Roman: Do you really love the lamp? Or are you just saying it because you saw it?

Patton: I love lamp! I love lamp!

☆

Roman: Pat, where’d you get a hand grenade?

Patton: I don’t know.

☆

Remus: What do you say we go out on a date? Have some chicken, maybe some sex. You know, see what happens?

Logan: Oh, let me get this over here *dick punches Remus, Remus keels over* Sorry.

☆

Patton: People seem to like me because I’m polite, and I’m rarely late. I like to eat ice cream, and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.

Remus: I’m all about having fun, you know, get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someone’s kitchen. Maybe go to Sea World, take my pants off.

☆

Roman: Great Oden’s Raven!

☆

Janus: *referring to his cologne* It’s called ‘Sex Panther’ by Odeon. It’s illegal in 9 countries.

Roman: Jan, I’m gonna be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline.

Janus: They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works every time.

Roman: That doesn’t make sense

☆

Patton: Logan.

Logan: Ahem.

Patton: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the ‘pant’s party’.

Logan: Excuse me?

Patton: The…party. The pants…with pants. The party with pants?

Logan: Pat, are you saying that there’s a party in your pants and I’m invited?

Patton: That’s it!

Logan: Did Janus tell you to say this, Patton?

Patton: No…Yes he did.

Logan: Ok. No, I don’t want to go to a party in your pants.

Patton: Very well. Virgil, would you like to go to a party in my pants?

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

[that-weird-skeleton-bastard]

*materializes into existence*

Hey :D

Just wondering about the Sanders Sides sigils you drew. May I ask what inspired each design?

They're all so unique, and I love it!

Have a good day :D

Hello!

i'll gladly tell you the inspirations behind each of em ^^

For Logan's sigil: i scribbled some simplified objects including a tie, a lightbulb and the symbol for mercury (the planet) and mashed all that together 👓

for Roman: Obviously the top part is shaped like a crown, as for the rest, it's a mix of the symbol for mars (which is also the male symbol) and the iconic flourish he does with his arms ( i saw that little bit in a lot of other sigils so i added it to my roman sigil lol) 👑

Patton's is one of the simplest: It's just a scale with an incomplete heart at the bottom (while creating it, i also tried to include the venus sigil -which is also the female symbol- but it didn't work out ^^') 🐶

Janus's sigil is also pretty simple: the base is an upside down cross, with a snake around it, and four dashes to represent four hands holding onto the cross 🐍

for Virgil's sigil: i mashed together a cross and the saturn symbol, and then added 8 little dashes to represent spider legs 💜

and finally, Remus's sigil: the man body is a simplified sword, wrapped in tentacles. as for the little orbs thingies, they don't have much significance ( i added them because the design felt a bit too plain -but i guess they kinda look like eyeballs lol) 🐙

thank you for the ask! ^^