#fem cartman
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chxsloop · 8 months ago
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ahem *yurifies your kenman*
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sarejima · 2 months ago
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👉👈
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loolooloo-i-got-some-apples · 25 days ago
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SOUTH PARK BOYS KISSING HEADCANONS
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{ ALL CHARACTERS AGED UP!! }
featuring - the main four stan, kyle, eric, kenny, butters, (craig’s gang is next
warnings: both sfw and nsfw headcanons, fem!reader (if you’d like a male/gn ver, feel free to request!), no nsfw for cartman
a/n: sorry guys this isn’t my best work, but hey first actual post out of the way :)) my apologies to my cartman girlies, i really struggled to write for him
[NSFW CONTENT BELOW CUT]
[STAN MARSH]
SFW
thanks to wendy he’s semi-experienced when it comes to kissing
definitely a big forehead kisser (giving and receiving)
he’d probably throw up after your first kiss
he 100% throws up before you come over because he knows you’ll end up making out
he’ll get a goofy grin when you kiss his cheek
blushing like crazy
will have chapped lips the first few times he kisses you
will start wearing chapstick and chewing mints to make it as enjoyable as possible for you
he tried to remember to bring chapstick after the first time
but he was just so excited
eventually stan told him to put some in his bag and he just left it in there for when he sees you
was so prepared for your first kiss
like
he’s been planning this for weeks
won’t tell anybody you kissed him
but everybody will definitely know
i mean
just look at his goofy grin everytime you’re mentioned or in eyeshot
when he gets used to kissing he’ll start to lick his lips after a make out session
just to get one more taste of you
constant little pecks
“hello” peck
“i love you” peck
“what’s the answer to question B?” peck
“i have to go to the bathroom” peck
you get the gist
he’s the type to smile the whole time you’re kissing
before, during, after he’s got a huge charlie brown grin
NSFW
he’d love to kiss your thighs
seeing as he’s a thigh lover
the type to kiss your forehead mid-fuck
doesn’t matter if he’s going slow or straight up pounding you
you will be receiving many gentle kisses all over your face
he seems like the type of guy to hold your hand while you guys lose your virginities to each other
would probably kiss all of your knuckles
would def kiss you before and after he eats you out
he just wants you to see how good you taste
definitely claims to be freaky and kinky in front of other people but is actually super vanilla
he just wants your body against his and your lips glued together honestly
[KYLE BROFLOVSKI]
SFW
no experience kissing whatsoever
but he read about it
and he figures he’s seen enough kissing in movies and around him to understand the basics
will forget to ask for consent then remember last minute
like
his lips will be just hovering over yours and he’ll get so distracted
then he’ll suddenly just blurt out
“by the way, can i kiss you?”
— he said after starting to lean in already
so into it
will try and slip his tongue in on the first kiss to see what you do
if you roll with it, he’ll just keep going unless you want to stop
if you don’t like it, he probably won’t use tongue until you have to explain that he can
“kyle, if i use tongue you can use tongue, it was just weird for the first kiss”
“what- wait seriously? so we’ve been kissing without tongue for no reason?”
“yeah, dude.”
he wont just blush, his whole face will turn neon red
will start wearing chapstick and chewing mints to make it as enjoyable as possible for you
the type to play with your hair while he slips his tongue down your throat
more of a neck + shoulder kisser, but he’ll melt if you kiss his cheek
you kiss his freckles once and suddenly he’s begging you to do it everytime you cuddle
kisses make him feel so loved
will probably accidentally bump heads when he tries to properly make out with you for the first time
needs a little reassurance here and there, maybe some praise
NSFW
biiiiig titty man
will kiss them all over
big or small, doesn’t matter
he just adores them
his head will be in your neck the whole time you guys lose your virginities to each other (if you’re a virgin, that is)
you’ll leave with hickey’s all over
he’d be so proud of them too
he’ll probably cry after your first time, but he wouldn’t let you see it
[ERIC CARTMAN]
SFW
you’re definitely his first girlfriend but not his first kiss
i’m pretty sure he would have bought a kiss from Butters’ Kissing Company
probably begged his mom to give him the money
he’d be a sloppy kisser
will cry if you nibble his lip too hard
realistically, even though you’re not his first kiss, he’ll still have no idea
and he probably won’t be happy about any criticism
he’s a rough kisser at first
seems like the kind to hold your shoulders
more of a peck guy than a make out session type
but when you do make out he’s definitely confident—although he definitely shouldn’t be
instead of asking if you liked it, will probably assume he carried
“don’t worry, bae, don’t gotta say it, we both know you loved it.”
you chuckle “yeah, i really did.”
“wait seriously? i mean- kewl, duh, obviously. I’m the king of making out.”
— he says as if it’s not his first time making out with a girl before
he’s the type to try and tease you by not using tongue to see your reaction
if he doesn’t get a reaction he will 100% pout
just a big baby in general
he’d never admit that you’re the only one he cares about so much
[KENNY MCCORMICK]
SFW
super experienced in both normal kissing and in full blown making out
he’s experienced in pretty much everything, honestly
his rice purity score is like a -5 considering both his sexual experience and his criminal record
he’d be gentle the first time you guys kiss
he cared about you too much
sloppy kisses when he’s high or drunk
he’s got using tongue down to an art
he’ll gently tease your bottom lip a few minutes into the kiss
and then he’ll slowly get a little more needy and end up whispering against your lips
“wanna open up f’me, princess?”
yes, he calls you princess
or pookie
honestly he’ll just go for whatever gets you blushing, whether that’s out of embarrassment or being flustered
he legit doesn’t care as long as you laugh or smile
anyway when you do part your lips he’s immediately diving in headfirst
will kiss you all over
he’s honestly very loving with his kisses as your relationship progresses
super considerate when it comes to consent
like this man refuses to even make eye contact with you without at least a nod or a yes
okay, maybe an exaggeration
but you get the gist
he’ll kiss you anywhere, anytime
middle of english? his tongue will still be down your throat
lunch? let’s sit behind the school so the teachers can’t catch us
you’re not in the same class but he’s just craving it? you’ll get a notification to go to the janitors closet
sitting with his friends? will kiss you with his all just so they know
he’s
the lucky one there
i’m assuming you’ve caught on
this man will not hesitate to kiss you
he’d probably kiss you just to get you to relax (for my moody girlies—we rise!)
angry? smooch.
sad? smooch.
period cramps getting to you? smooch
super excited? big fat loving smooch
he’ll take any excuse to kiss you, in public or in private, doesn’t matter
NSFW
we all know kenny’s a boob man
he’ll kiss ‘em
he’ll touch ‘em
he’ll make out with you with ‘em in his hands
just wants to kiss you all over
and when i say that i mean all over
he’ll gladly eat you out
he’d call it kitty licks 😭
i mean it when i say this man literally WORSHIPS you
honestly, all in all, he’s so horny
like it’s impossible to put just how horny he is into words
be warned,
he will 2000% get a boner from a peck if you hold eye contact after,
or bite your lip,
or lick your lips,
or you literally exist seeing as he thinks you’re the most gorgeous sexy goddess of a woman to ever walk the earth
[BUTTERS STOTCH]
SFW
he’s experienced with kissing considering his kissing company
just as, if not more, experienced than kenny
he’s so respectful with you
very gentle and loving
he’d act like every kiss is the first
he’ll get so flustered no matter what you do
after your first make out session he’ll probably thank you
“gee, thank you for that sweetie, that was neat-o! you’re real good at kissin’ baby.”
will def have a content smile before after and during
he’d hold you while he kissed your whole face
loves kissing you on your nose
and being kissed right between his eyebrows
he’s the type to kiss your eyelids so every part of you feels loved (đŸ€ž please somebody get that reference)
overall he’s just so loving and gentle with you
NSFW
so can we all agree that butters is a total freak in the sheets?
like he’s the exact opposite of stan
you assume he’s a basic vanilla guy
but really he’s the type to tie you up
he’d never spank you or anything like that
not unless you really wanted him to
the type to refer to sex as love-making
he’ll kiss you a lot during it because he needs you to know that the whole dominant thing is an act
he needs you to know that he adores you and kisses the ground you walk on
back to kissing—
he WILL kiss your ass
literally
like no joke he’s the type to spank you and call you a bitch
then do his little giggle and apologise while kissing it better when it’s all said and done
he’s a huge fan of bathing together—both in a wholesome and not so wholesome way
he just loves how warm it is and how vulnerable you both are
it feels safe for him
that’s when you both give and receive the most kisses, honestly
he mostly gets kissed so often in the bath because he literally BEGS to have your lips on him
kissing is his foreplay and his aftercare, just to put that out there.
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uefuatoq · 8 months ago
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(fem!)Kyle
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uiiyru · 1 month ago
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kyman yuri perhaps.. đŸ„ș
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All the things she said ......
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frosan43 · 3 months ago
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day 20 girls girls girls love love love day to post the art i ve drawn some day but couldn’t decide when to post it so here it is weidi is absolutely precious i don’t know why they re so unpopular shipping them just feels like healing yk.
and other girls sketches(2) coz i have some old ones,, wendy me precious girl.
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angel-gone-dark · 4 months ago
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Hey I came over from April's posts lol. I read the "She's my collar" fic and loved it
Would/ Have you write a Kyle x reader x Cartman? They don't have to please each other in any way since ok you don't like kyman. But lmk I'm super curious lol. ❀
Cartman x F!Reader x Kyle
CWs: praise AND degradation, minor throatfucking, creampie, cum swallowing, kenny is the world's #1 instigator
Boy howdy did I take this and run with it
SMUT UNDER CUT. MDNI.
I stood at the bus stop like usual, tired out of my mind. I’d been up all night studying for a stupid quiz, and notorious asshole Eric Cartman let me know just the toll it’d had on me. 
“You look shittier than usual.” I rolled my eyes as he kept going. “I mean, you always look fugly, but now you look like you were hit by a fucking bus.” 
“Gee, thanks, Cartman.” I scoffed. 
“I’m trying to help you. You’re never gonna get a man like that.” Before he could say anything else, Kyle butt in. 
“Quit bothering her, fatass, clearly she doesn’t wanna talk to you.” The ginger stood next to me, looking me over. His tone was gentle when he addressed me. “You okay? You don’t look like you feel very well.”
“Just not a lot of sleep, is all.” Cartman took this and ran with it.
 “Woah, up all night sucking dick then? I knew you were a whore.”
“Shut up, Cartman!” Kyle snapped. His two friends were smartly standing away from us, ignoring the commotion and smoking cigarettes. 
“What? Ohh, I get it, she was up sucking your dick Kyle!” I rolled my eyes. The two fought until the bus came, and even then, kept snapping at each other across the aisle. Today was gonna be a long day. 
By the time lunch rolled around I was so fucking sick of it. 
“Can you two shut up?!” I snapped, glaring at the two that had attached to either side of me. “I’m so sick of hearing you assholes fight over nothing all damn day! If you two are going to be like this, then get the fuck away from me.”
I stormed off. 
“Woah, going somewhere?” Kenny smirked as I ran into him. 
“Yeah, away from your stupid ass friends.” I pouted and he patted my shoulder. 
“Okay, talk to Dr. McCormick- what’s the sitch?”
“They keep fighting over my head.”
“Why, what’s so good about it?” He grinned and I smacked him.
“Be serious, Kenny.”
“Have you ever considered that maybe they’re fighting because they can’t decide who gets to spend time with you?”
“Are you high again?” I set him with a stern glare that had him raising his hands in mock defense.
“No, ma’am,” he crossed his heart to emphasize he was telling the truth. “I’m just saying, they’re glued to your hips and harboring a lot of tension right now. Just fuck about it.”
“Gross. Goodbye, Ken.” I shoved past him. 
My thoughts turned, though, because he had certainly just planted a seed that I wouldn’t be able to uproot.
I’d planned on staying in that night, but my friend Lola dragged me out of bed and got me done up for some stupid party. 
I was still pissy by the time we got there. People looked at me concerned as I slammed down a drink the second I got my hands on one. Lola scolded me and I rolled my eyes at her, but agreed to just sip the second one. 
It was boring as all hell until Cartman leaned against the wall next to me. 
“Hey. Sorry about earlier, I really didn’t realize just how
 much we were being.” He seemed genuine, and I relaxed. 
“It’s okay, Cartman, you didn’t mean to be an ass- in that regard,” I giggled, sipping at my drink. “I feel like you and Kyle just get way too into it sometimes and you don’t think.”
“Hard to think when I’m looking at someone so pretty.” I blushed and looked down into my drink. 
“Really?”
“Well, yeah.” I don’t know what had gotten into him to be so suave, or what had gotten into me to be so receptive. Alcohol, probably.
I looked up to the sound of footsteps approaching. 
“Hi, Kyle.” I smiled at him a little, eyebrows knitting together as I looked down at his hand. “
You broke your cup.”
“I am aware.” He seethed, eyes boring holes into Cartman. “Are you sure you wanna hang out with him?”
“You can’t police who I talk to just because you don't like him.” 
“Nobody likes him! I just-” 
I interrupted him, “Zip it. Both of you, follow me, now.”
“What-?”
“Zip. It.” I made my way upstairs and into the guest bedroom. They followed after a moment of hesitation, and I locked the door.
“Spill. Now. Why are you two fighting so aggressively around me?”
“No- no reason.” Kyle looked away from me and I could tell he was lying.
“Okay, y’know, if he’s too pussy to say something then I fucking will,” Eric started, making his way over to me and cupping my face in his hands. “You’re fuckin’ hot and we’ve been fighting over who gets you.”
I felt heat rising to my face and pooling in my panties. The realization that I was locked in a room with the two, music thumping so loud nobody would be able to hear anything, set in. Cartman backed me up until I hit the wall, Kyle looking over with wide eyes.
“...Both of you can have me.” I said, swallowing hard as I squeezed my thighs together.
“Oh, I just knew you were a whore.” The brunette ridiculed me, slamming his rough lips onto mine. 
He practically consumed me, tongue sliding teasingly over my teeth. When he parted from me, a string of saliva connected our lips. It drooped down between us, snapping when the tension was too much. Eric raised a brow at Kyle, as if taunting him. No words were said before I was sandwiched between the two, Cartman now behind me. As he ground himself into my backside and chewed up my shoulders, Kyle took his turn with my lips. He was a great kisser, bucking his hips up into me as he practically moaned into my mouth. The ginger nipped at my lower lip, and I whined. I felt both their cocks twitch at that.
“Fuck, you’re so wet, good girl.” Kyle mumbled into my neck as his fingers slid under my skirt and panties.
“Don’t praise her, she hasn’t done jack shit.” Cartman grunted, yanking off my shirt and bra. I winced when it sounded like a clasp fell off.
“Yes she has, Cartman, she’s taking it,” he moved his attention to me. “You’re so cute, you know that?” He trailed wet kisses down my collarbones and to my breasts, humming eagerly as he took one nipple into his mouth.
“Taking it isn’t doing anything at all, Kyle.” Eric protested, removing his own clothing as Kyle laid me down on the bed.
I was in heaven when the ginger boy tugged down my bottoms and ghosted his breath over my eager cunt. My breath hitched as he licked a long, wet stripe up my slit. The brunette watched with a smirk, stroking himself as Kyle worked me up with his tongue.
“Open up, bitch.” Cartman asserted, gripping my hair in his hand and shoving his cock between my lips. “Ohhh, fuck, yeah. I knew you had a good mouth on you, the sassy ones always fuckin’ do.”
My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I groaned, the noise coming out as a muffled gurgle thanks to the fat head of Cartman’s dick blocking my airway. Kyle kissed and left hickeys across my thighs as his fingers stretched me. I swore I saw stars as he curled them purposefully, hitting the soft spot inside of me that sent electric currents through my flesh. My throat tightened around the flesh that pounded the back of it, milking precum from the angry tip.
“Be more gentle with her, she’s being submissive.” Kyle scolded. Eric scoffed, ignoring him and using one large hand to twist one of my nipples.
The noises I made, even muffled, were driving Kyle crazy. I saw him strip in the corner of my eyes, and my thoughts were confirmed at the clink of his belt hitting the floor and the swipe of his cock against my entrance. I shuddered and trembled as he bottomed out inside of me. I’d never heard anything as sexy as the noise he made the first time he moved his hips. This was bliss.
Kyle rocked his hips slowly at first, but it was clear he couldn’t help himself as his rhythm sped. He drilled his cock into me, grabbing the back of my knees to fold me in half. I shook below them, pussy smeared with slick and mouth dribbling spit. I briefly felt guilty about someone else having to clean this mess, but the feeling of Kyle’s fingers coaxing my clit yanked me back to the moment. I felt hot, skin on fire as I was ruined. I gripped at the sheets, bucking my hips up to meet Kyle’s as he made me cum on his long fingers.
“God, the bitch can’t even wait to cum until her superiors have.” By the way his cock twitched in my mouth I could tell my shuddering was turning him on.
“Good
 good girl,” he sounded as ruined as I thought I might if I tried to speak. “So fucking tight, good girl
”
As my walls pulsed around him, Eric pulled out of my mouth to stroke himself. 
“Mouth open. You’re gonna fucking swallow.” His laugh dissolved into a shuddering grunt as he came on my tongue. He swiped the tip on my lips and laughed, closing my jaw with the other hand. I swallowed, nearly choking after as I moaned.
“F-fuck, good girl, ‘m gonna cum. W-where do you want it?” It was clear that Kyle was nearly bursting trying to hold himself back.
“Inside, please, please?” I begged. Cartman laughed.
“Well, if she wasn’t a whore before she sure as hell is now.” His hands found my breasts again, assaulting them with squeezes and pinches alike.
Kyle slammed into me hard, hips jerking wildly as he filled me with his warm seed. I heaved under him, still folded, and he stole what remained of my breath with a long kiss.
“If this is what hanging out with Cartman means then I don’t think I mind it anymore.” He smiled.
word count: 1700
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yoyomomiko · 13 days ago
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[ONE] — Ghosts = $$$
☆ `` SPECTRAL SCAMMERS ``
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☆ — summary: when cartman comes up with yet another 'get rich quick' scheme, he forces his friends, and you, into starting a ghost hunting service. armed with a mix of makeshift equipment, a questionable van and no actual skills, you begin taking jobs to "exorcise" haunted houses.
warnings: strong language, cartman being cartman.
(a/n): first chapter is out and honestly I don't really know where this is going!! also, I'm extremely sorry for the short length of this chapter :< --- usually, first chapters are always shorter! i'll try my best to make the other chapters longer :)
wc: 1932
★ m.list
★ series m.list
[NEXT] ->
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The cafeteria was a chaotic mess as always. Muffled chatter, students fighting, and the occasional shout from the lunch staff scolding some kid for trying to sneak an extra carton of milk. You sat at the usual table in the far corner, picking at your food. Across from you, Stan and Kyle were arguing about some documentary they watched in History, while Clyde was halfway through his second slice of pizza.
"Alright, assholes, listen up!" Cartman's voice cut through the arguing boys. He slammed his tray onto the table for everyone's attention, the loud sound making Tweek flinch so hard he almost spilled his coffee.
"Oh, great, what now?" Stan groaned, leaning back in his chair.
"You're gonna thank me later, Stan." Cartman cleared his throat, glancing at everyone sitting at the table. "Because I just came up with the best idea of my life. No, of your lives, too, because you're all gonna be a part of it."
Kyle raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Let me guess, some new way to scam people out of their money?"
"Yeah, Kyle, because having ambition is such a crime." Cartman shot back, rolling his eyes dramatically. "But no, this isn't just a scam. It's a business opportunity. A gold mine. And all you losers have to do is stop being such whiny little bitches and listen to me for five seconds."
"Dude, just get to the point." Stan muttered, his hands resting on top of the table as his brows furrowed together.
Cartman smirked, leaning forward on the table as if he was about to deliver a secret. "Ghost hunting."
There was a moment of silence, broken only by the distant crash of a tray hitting the floor somewhere across the cafeteria.
"Ghost hunting?" Clyde repeated with a mouthful of pizza.
"Yes, Clyde, try to keep up." Cartman snapped. "Think about it. Those dumbass ghost hunting shows on TV. People eat that crap up! We can charge idiots in this town hundreds of dollars to 'investigate' their haunted houses and get rid of their spooky little Casper problems!"
Kyle shook his head with a sigh. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Even for you, Cartman."
"It's not stupid!" Cartman shot back, slamming his fist on the table hard enough to make Tweek jump again.
"People are stupid, Kyle. They'll pay us to run around their creepy old houses with flashlights, pretending to find ghosts! And if there's no ghost? We'll just make one! Bang on some walls, throw some stuff around... Boom, paranormal activity."
"That's literally fraud." You pointed out, resting your chin on your hand. "You realize that, right?"
Cartman waved you off as if you mentioned something as unimportant as the weather. "Pfft, no one's gonna care. We'll make them sign waivers. Legal waivers make everything legit!"
Stan exchanged a doubtful look with you, then glanced back at Cartman. "This sounds like the kind of thing that gets us arrested. Or worse, sued."
"Oh my God, you guys are so dramatic." Cartman groaned, throwing his hands in the air. "Look, do you want to spend the rest of high school broke and boring, or do you wanna be rich and badass?"
"Rich and badass does sound kinda nice..." Clyde admitted, earning a glare from Kyle.
"Clyde, seriously?"
"What? I need the money! My dad cut my allowance because I spent it all on skins in Fortnite."
"I can't believe I'm surrounded by morons." Kyle buried his face in his hands.
"Ghosts aren't even real!" Tweek blurted, his hands shaking as he gripped his cup. "What if we mess with something we don't understand? What if we summon a demon or-"
"Tweek, for the love of God." Craig interrupted, his voice flat and bored. "You're not summoning anything. It's fake."
Tweek's eyes darted to Craig, then back to Cartman. "B-But even if it's fake, what if- what if people find out?! What if we get exposed or something?!"
"Tweek, no one cares about your paranoia." Cartman rolled his eyes. "Besides, it's not like we're actually gonna run into any ghosts. We're just taking money from idiots who think their houses are haunted because their furniture makes weird noise."
"I dunno, dude." Kenny finally spoke up, voice muffled by his hood. "What's the cut? Like, how much are we each getting?"
"Ah! The voice of reason! Don't worry Kenny. We'll split it... Fairly."
"Fairly?" Kyle immediately narrowed his eyes. "That means you're going to take the biggest cut, doesn't it?"
"Uh, duh, because it's my idea." Cartman shot back. "But you'll still get plenty. Enough to buy whatever poor people stuff you need, Kenny."
"Works for me, I'm in." Kenny shrugged.
"Dude!" Kyle exclaimed, looking betrayed.
"What? I need money!"
You sighed, glancing around the table. "So let me get this straight." You started, mentally preparing yourself. "You want us to break into random people's houses, pretend to find ghosts, and charge them a fortune for it? Do you even have a plan for how this is supposed to work?"
"Of course I have a plan!" Cartman replied, puffing out his chest. "Step one, we make a website and some fake business cards. Step two, we spread the word around town. Step three, profit."
"That's not a plan." Stan muttered, leaning back in his chair again.
"It's a great plan." Cartman's brows furrowed together. "And you know what? If you don't want in, fine. But when I'm rolling in cash and you're stuck eating this nasty ass lunch food, don't come crying to me."
Stan groaned, rubbing his temples. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but fine. I'm in. Only to make sure you don't burn someone's house down."
Kyle threw his hands up with a groan and a roll of his eyes. "Oh my God. You're all insane."
"Come on, Kyle." You smirked, nudging him with your elbow. "It could be... Interesting."
Kyle stared at you as if you just suggested jumping off a bridge. But after a moment, he sighed heavily. "Fine. But if this ends in a disaster, I'm blaming all of you."
"Perfect!" Cartman grinned, looking around at his newly recruited 'team'.
"Welcome to the South Park Paranormal Crew, bitches. First job is tomorrow night. Bring flashlights and maybe some fake blood."
Craig glared at Cartman. "Tweek and I never said we were joining."
"I don't care about you losers, go sit on a dick or something." Cartman shot back.
Craig's eyes narrowed, his piercing gaze burning holes through Cartman. "You know what? I'm in, fatass." He spoke through gritted teeth, to which Cartman smirked.
"I-I guess I'm in too." Tweek stammered, his hands shaking uncontrollably.
"Amazing! What do you guys say we have a meeting at my house this night to prepare for tomorrow?" Cartman held a smug and confident look.
"Do we have a choice?" You sighed, already tired of this.
"No. Eight o'clock sharp!" He declared. "Don't forget that, fuckers!"
.
.
.
.
Later that night, the group crowded into Cartman's basement. The space was a mess, an old couch shoved against one wall, half empty soda cans all over a coffee table, and a mysterious stain on the carpet that no one wanted to investigate. You sat quietly between Kyle and Craig, who were both visibly annoyed.
Cartman stood at the front, a whiteboard behind him covered in messy scrambles of ideas that looked more like the ramblings of a lunatic than a business plan. He held a marker in his hands, which he twirled dramatically before slamming it against the board.
"Alright, assholes." He began, pacing in front of the group. "Step one of becoming the greatest ghost hunters South Park has ever seen: branding. We need a website, a killer name and a look that screams 'these guys are legit'."
Stan rolled his eyes from his spot on the couch. "It's hard to scream 'legit' when you're using your mom's basement as headquarters."
"Shut up, Stan!" Cartman snapped. "Do you have a basement we can use? No? Then sit your ass down and let the professionals handle this."
Craig crossed his arms, leaning a bit closer to you, his knee brushing yours. "You don't even know how to make a website, do you?"
"Of course I do!" Cartman lied, puffing out his chest. "It's easy. You just... Click some buttons and stuff. Besides, we have Kyle for that."
Kyle straightened, glaring at Cartman. "Excuse me? Since when did I agree to be your tech support?"
"Since you're the only one here who isn't a complete moron when it comes to computers!" Cartman replied, his tone annoyingly smug.
"Watch it fatass!" Stan snapped as Craig snickered.
Kyle opened his mouth to argue but stopped when you nudged him gently. "You might as well just do it." You whispered. "The sooner we get this over with, the better."
Kyle sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "Fine, but I'm not doing this for free."
"Whatever, Jew." Cartman turned back to the whiteboard. "Now, let's talk names. We need something catchy. Something cool."
"How about we call ourselves 'Paranormal Posers'?" Craig deadpanned, earning a laugh from Kenny.
"I've got it!" Clyde exclaimed, clearly excited. "What about 'The Phantom Chasers'?"
"Lame." Cartman dismissed immediately, crossing it off the list. "We need something badass like 'South Park Paranormal Commandos'."
"Or we could just call it what it is." Stan muttered. "'Cartman's Latest Scam'."
"Do you want to get sued, Stan?" Cartman shot back. "No one's putting my name on this thing."
After another twenty minutes of ridiculous suggestions, and several rounds of arguing, you all finally settled on a name. Specter Squad.
"Simple, memorable, and cool as hell." Cartman declared, underlining it three times on the board.
.
.
While Cartman and the others brainstormed more ways to make themselves seem legit, Kyle sat at Cartman's ancient desktop computer, typing at it furiously.
The homepage was basic but effective.
A bold header reading "SPECTER SQUAD: South Park's Premier Ghost Hunting Team" in glowing green text, complete with a stock image of a haunted house in the background.
"This looks so fake." Kyle muttered to himself, shaking his head as he uploaded a photo of the group. It was a hurriedly taken selfie from earlier that night, with Cartman front and center, beaming like an idiot, while everyone else looked irritated.
"Fake is fine." Cartman said, leaning over Kyle's shoulder. "People don't care about professional. They care about scary. Make it spooky."
"Spooky costs extra." Kyle shot back.
The rest of the group gathered around as Kyle added more details to the site.
Services
- Full Paranormal Investigation
- Ghost Removal
- Cleansing Rituals
Reviews
Janet H. - "Specter Squad saved my family from a scary ghost! Worth every penny!"
Sal F. - "I thought my apartment was haunted and they proved me right. Highly recommend!"
"Who t-the hell is 'Janet H.'?" Tweek asked, pointing to one of the reviews.
"Some lady I made up." Cartman replied, completely unfazed.
.
.
With the website finished, you all moved on to advertising. Clyde and Kenny volunteered to print out flyers, which they plastered all over the school the next day. On lockers, bulletin boards, and even the bathroom stalls.
Cartman, meanwhile, moved to social media, creating an Instagram page and spamming hashtags like #HauntedSouthPark and #GhostBeware.
"You think anyone's actually going to believe this?" Craig asked as everyone watched Cartman upload a blurry photos of an attic claiming it was 'evidence' from a recent investigation.
"Of course they will." Cartman replied confidently. "People are dumb. Trust me, by this time tomorrow we'll have our first client."
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★yoyomiko ★miko
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peachupichupeach · 1 month ago
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South Park but it’s my very self indulgent au
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se0nghwaaa · 1 year ago
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đŸŠ© being in the main 4s friend group !! (fluff obvi) ☀
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if u get a crush, be prepared to here 2 diff things.
“y/n how many times have i told u, stop being delulu” from cartman and kenny
and then
“y/n don’t listen to them, yeah u should shoot ur shot!” ïżŒfrom stan and kyle
imagine ft calls at like 11:36 pm.. ON SUMMER BREAK TOO
“hey y/n i’m jealous of ur heart.” -kenny
“and why is that đŸ€šâ€ -y/n
“because it’s pounding inside of u and i’m not.” *white tee by summer walker starts playing* -kenny
“W RIZZđŸ”„đŸ”„đŸ”„đŸ”„â€ -cartman
*kyle and stan just privately texting each other*
imagine y’all did talent shows and like one of y’all is a judge.. LMAOO
“alr next is kenny mcormick.” -kyle
*body by megan thee stallion starts playing*
“BODY YADYYADYADY” -kenny
“ur fucking weird
 next.” -kyle
* u and cartman r rofl while stan records *
don’t ask why but kenny would smack ur ass like randomly. like when he’s behind u and he realizes he has the chance to smack that dumptruck of urs hes gonna do it.
*smack*
“OW WTF KENNY?..” -y/n
“it wasn’t me it was kyle!” -kenny
“r u serious rn.” -kyle
y’all go over to kyles to study! (y’all never study)
“look at how ___ looks rn😭” -y/n
“they look like a dehydrated horse.” -cartman
“can y’all actually do work instead of copying me.” -kyle
“sowwy kylie wylie
 i didn’t mean to
.” -y/n
“get out of my house rn.” -kyle
_____
im sorry that’s all u guys get😭..
requests r open *giggles cutely*
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sunny-ssunset · 4 months ago
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MASTERLIST AND REQUESTS
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Divider by Pinterest
❀ All my storys are here! ❀
REQUESTS! OPEN!
I try not to ignore any requests but tumblr has been deleting some before I could even start the draft so im sorry if your request hasnt came through :(
Disclaimer! If gender is unspecified in the request it will be chosen by me.
❀ What I'll write! ❀
♡Any gender
♡Any characters
♡Headcanons and fics/oneshots
♡Yandere x reader/ Character x Yandere reader
♡Romantic will be aged up and platonic doesnt really matter the age
♡I only write for south park sorry
❀ What i wont write! ❀
♡Character x character im selfish
♡Character x oc again im selfish
♡No poly relationships i dont really know how to portray that sorry
♡Smut i cant take it seriously tbh
♡Adult x child (unless platonic) self explanatory
♡Incest or like weird shit bc im normal
I post every Wednesday :D
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Divider by @k1ssyoursister
ONESHOTS!
-Unbearable.
❀Kyle x a Mute! Rebellious! Fem! Reader❀
Kyle helps a girl he's been keeping his eye on, not knowing it will change his perspective of her permanently. (AGED UP)
-Her highness.
❀Princess Kenny x Fem! Knight! Reader❀
Y/n asks Princess Kenny to be her Queen. (AGED UP)
-Y/n's coffee catastrophe!
❀Tweek x Coworker! GN! Reader❀
Y/n's first day on the job!! How hard can it be? (AGED UP)
-How I met your mother
❀Kyle broflovski x Fem! Reader❀
How kyle broflovski met his now wife. (AGED UP)
-I just can't live with out you
❀Kenny mccormick x Fem! Reader❀
He really does love her, don't you think? (AGED UP)
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divider by @k1ssyoursister
FANFICS!
-Pretty in Pink!
❀Yandere South park x a Girly! Fem! Reader❀
A cute popular girl vs. highschoolers, Can Y/n win their hearts over? (AGED UP TO 18 AND OVER)
-Chapter 1
-Chapter 2
-Chapter 3
-Better in Red
-Chapter 4
-Chapter 5
-Yandere headcanons (TW)
-Chapter 6
-Chapter 7
-Bathing Kenny headcanons
-Kyle shopping headcanons
-Chapter 8
-Choose your Soulmate!
Old name: Choose your character
❀Yandere south park x reader❀
Y/n finds themself playing a cute dating sim that includes lots of hot LIs! What could go wrong? GN! AGED UP!
-Tutorial
-Level one
-Level two
-Level Three
-Level four
-Level five
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divider by @k1ssyoursister
HEADCANONS!
❀Smoking 🍃❀
-Smoking 🍃 with Stan, Kyle and Kenny
Smoking zaza with Stan, Kyle and Kenny. (GENDER NEUTRAL AGED UP)
-Smoking 🍃 with Craig, Clyde and Tweek
Smoking zaza with Craig, Clyde and Tweek (GN AGED UP)
-Smoking 🍃 with Damien thorn
Smoking zaza with Damien thorn (GN AGED UP)
❀Honest dating hcs❀
-Honest dating headcanons
What i think dating show accurate Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny would be like. (GENDER NEUTRAL AGED UP)
-Honest dating headcanons Part 2
What i think dating show accurate Craig, Tweak, Jimmy, Tolkien and Clyde would be like (GENDER NEUTRAL AGED UP)
❀Dating headcanons❀
-Damien thorn dating headcanons
How I imagine damien thorn would be in a relationship (GENDER NEUTRAL AGED UP)
-Pip pirrip dating a female misunderstood and sweet reader
Pip pirrip dating a girl that sticks up for him.
(AGED UP)
-Mean! Jock! Stan Marsh x Weird kid! GN! Reader.
Bully! Jock! Stan marsh x Weird kid reader headcanons. GN AGED UP
-Watching a movie with Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Cartman.
How I imagine watching a film with the main 4 (seperate) would go (GN AGED UP)
-Watching a movie with Craig, Tweek, Tolkien and Jimmy
How I imagine watching a film with the Team Craig (seperate) would go (GN AGED UP)
-Dating Clyde Donovan headcanons
How dating Clyde Donovan would go! (GN AGED UP)
-Dating Kenny Mccormick headcanons
How dating Kenny Mccormick would go! (GN AGED UP)
-Kyle dating a hispanic GN reader
Kyle with a hispanic reader! (AGED UP GN)
❀Super hero hcs❀
-Dating human kite headcanons (GN AGED UP)
-Dating mysterion headcanons (GN AGED UP)
❀Dating a girly female reader (AGED UP)❀
-Kenny dating a girly reader
-Kyle dating a girly reader
-Cartman dating a girly reader
-Stan dating a girly reader
-Stan dating headcanons part 2
-Craig dating a girly reader
-Tweek dating a girly reader
-Damien dating a girly reader
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divider by @k1ssyoursister
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stimtfil · 1 year ago
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k: she probably thinking about me🧐
e: karina my karina 😔😔
e: karina my karinađŸ„°đŸ„°đŸ„°đŸ„°
forgot about all the old fem kyman (rusreal au) stuff
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blehbiez · 2 years ago
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old woman yuri
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whatevahwhatevah · 8 months ago
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Commission for @kennys-parka-jacket ✹
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mangomilkart · 1 year ago
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Fem kyman ice skating đŸ’šâ€ïž
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unauvaverde · 1 year ago
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