#felt nice to get this out of my system even if its not going anywhere for a while lol

[muzzlemouths]

Sun/Moon in a wheelchair? badass y/n on crutches? light as eldritch horror? I’m holding a microphone at u and asking for details/rambles on Astra AU because I’m vibrating at outrageous speed - @clxckwork-sun-n-moon

SO ABOUT ASTRA AU....

You've triggered my trap HAHAHAHA. this au is my trump card. my secret weapon. my ace in the hole. I've been building it from the ground up for months while keeping it mostly under wraps because I have no intention to post anything until I've at least caught up more with my current AUs. But you're here and you're asking and I am a glutton for self indulgence so TAKE A SEAT, this is gonna be long.

Astra Au (only a working title) is a story taking place in the not-so-distant future. It starts off canon compliant, with Fazco initially launching as a restaurant that features animatronics. This investment soon puts the company in the big leagues of machinery and robotics, and as any good economically savvy company does, they use this newfound reputation to push the boundaries even further. Animatronics become old news. Children's entertainment is out, high tech personal equipment is in. Phones, computers, security systems… weapons. Think tony stark if his business was rooted in furry propaganda.

By the pass of the second decade, Fazco is a leading name in the industry and working closely with both police and military. They've got a hand in everybody's pockets and a finger on your information, personal or otherwise. Nefarious acts from their devices (phishing, data mining, identity collecting, etc) are swept under the rug. After all, why would the government put a stop to their largest source of efficient weaponry?

It's around here that the company realizes they're dominating every department of apparatus but one; medical. An easy fix! They begin development of equipment immediately. Monitors, pacemakers, receivers, wheelchairs, etc. Most importantly, prosthetics. I don't have to explain to you why this is bad, right?

But their prosthetics aren't bad. In fact, they're very, very good, and Fazco charges up the nose for them. They're top of the line devices, however, so naturally the company gets away with it — especially when the government makes the jarring decision to make their devices law. You can keep your old devices, but if they break or need repairs you're shit out of luck, cause it's Fazco or Nothing.

As it happens, you're one of the developers hired for this project. Head the of research and production team, in fact. With a background in the medical field and several degrees in the field of technology, you're top of the food chain around here, and as such you're given a front row seat to the ensuing tragedies.

You're company loyal. They've kept your pockets full and your head big for years now, and aside from a few nefarious secrets between coworkers you've been given no reason not to trust them or their word.

That is, until the accident.

A direct result of the company's negligence, this event changes your life forever. Your new injuries mean you'll be using mobility devices for the rest of your life, not to mention intensive therapy for coordination. It takes you out of a job immediately.

Fazco covers your medical bills without hesitance. A number of paid days off, too, despite already knowing your former position is out of the question. It's a nice bribe to keep your mouth shut and your loyalty high. Little do they know that distrust has already begun to take root.

A close friend of yours calls you up soon after, requesting your help with a secret project — one that will force the company to answer for their crimes. Not a hanging by any means, but enough to throw some dirt on their reputation. A place to start. Though hesitant, you eventually agree to help.

A poor decision, really. Fazco catches wind of the operation and stomps it out before the match has a chance of becoming flame. It's a horribly traumatic ordeal to begin with, made all the worse when your friend winds up missing, never to be seen again, and it suddenly becomes apparent that their blood is on your hands.

After all, it was the tracking device in your own head that lead the company right to them. A real shame they implanted something like that amid your surgery!

This moment is the last straw. You cut all ties with the company, have the chip removed underground with the money you've saved, and disappear from society entirely.

A year passes. Your whereabouts are compromised by someone claiming to be a member of AISNO CORPS(E) — the same group of which your ill fated friend spearheaded, a group dedicated to eradicating Fazco's iron grip — and they need your help.

Though it takes some convincing, you do eventually agree. You've been stewing in guilt and vendetta for some time now. You promise to help on the condition that your part is kept in the shadows, and a deal is struck. Too bad that only lasts for so long.

A few months in and you're practically leading the entire organization. Despite never claiming the title, your every decision is trusted and relied on.

You've made a name for yourself under the table in the art of mechanics; that is, the repair and creation of devices — prosthetics, mainly — that Fazco has no part in. No chips, no gimmicks, just aids as they need to be and for a price everyone can afford, considering most of them are coming out of your own pocket. You're a big name underground. Unfortunately, that means the company is always hot on your tail, and you're quickly running low on both resources and time. If something doesn't change soon it could spell the end of your organization.

Still with me? Good!

That's only the prelude.

The real story begins when you send out the first order to look for equipment — parts, pieces, even scraps — anything. You're desperate and willing to work with what you've got in order to keep churning out your own devices.

An AISNO member returns in the evening with a whole crate of loot claiming to be from Fazco's own decommissioned entertainment beings. You know, the ones that are two decades old, broken, burnt down, and long since abandoned?

You're incredibly hesitant to accept the crate despite your desperation, as any pieces from Fazco have a high chance of being rigged and tracked, but you're assured that this shit is OLD and most of it long since broken, anyway. You can search it for anything with a semblance of battery and safely trash the rest. With this in mind, there's few reasons to refuse.

Inside that crate is the DCA.

BUT we're in First Chapter territory now, so my lips are zipped past this point. You'll just have to trust me on this and wait it out 😊

[augustinewrites]

“your nose is running again.”

you shoot a glare at alhaitham’s reflection in your vanity, swiping at your nose and clearing your throat a few times before croaking, “it is not.”

“tch.” he has the audacity to look unimpressed with your lie, fiddling with the collar of the nice shirt you’d practically wrestled him into for tonight. “this happens every year, i don’t know why you keep trying to deny it.”

“there’s nothing to deny, because i’m a doctor and we don’t—” you pause, face scrunching when you feel a sneeze trying to fight its way out of your system. “— get sick.” 

so what if your throat was scratchy and your entire face felt hot with sinus pressure? one could claim it was allergies, not sickness. 

taking a seat to pull on his shoes, alhaitham only scoffs disbelievingly at you. he’s acting so smug, and maybe that’s because last week you’d ignored his warning about how cold nighttime in the desert got. or maybe because you refused to take the vitamin c tablets he put beside your coffee each morning because their texture was like that of chalk. 

before he can open his mouth and say these things, the sneeze you’d been fighting takes you by surprise. you immediately turn away and lift your elbow, sneezing into it not once, not twice, but five times in quick succession.

(okay, so maybe you were feeling a little under the weather.)

you turn away from the dresser with a sharp look in your eye, just daring him to let slip the i told you so that always seemed to be sitting on the tip of his tongue.

instead, you feel his fingers tugging at the laces of your dress and his lips pressing softly against your forehead. (too warm, you swear he murmurs.)

“we don’t have to go if you aren’t feeling well. nilou will understand. do you really want to be fighting a cold while you’re surrounded by a group of your friends—”

“our friends,” you correct with a sniffle.

he ignores you. “who are going to make you—”

“make us.” 

“—endure cake and small talk?”

you roll your eyes. for someone so fearsome, your husband really could be quite dramatic, brought to his knees by something as simple as cake and small talk. 

“we missed her performance last month because we were stuck with work, so we’re not missing her birthday.” you turn around to shove lightly at his shoulder. “and don’t think you can use my cold as an excuse to get out of this party.”

alhaitham pulls back to look down at you with an irritating combination of a scoff and a smirk on his lips. “ah, so you finally admit that you have a cold? maybe if you’d taken the vitamin c for your immunity like someone suggested...”

“those supplements taste like shit, haitham,” you cough, expression pinching as you recall the disgusting tablets that you’ve called ‘not as good as the real thing.’ “the only vitamin c i like is in those mondstadt imported sunsettias...”

“you’re like a child,” he scolds. “now get undressed and back in bed before—”

“undressed?” you question, swatting his hands away from your dress. “i’m going to the party.”

“no, you’re not.”

“what if i—”

“no.”

“but darling—”

“sorry, love, but you’re not going anywhere tonight,” he decides, ignoring your quiet grumbles of protest. “i know you don’t get sick often, but when you do it hits you pretty hard.”

he leaves the room briefly at that, returning with something sitting in his palm. 

you shake your head, holding your hands out to keep him back. “no. no! that stuff is worse than the vitamin c.”

“huh, if you’d taken that, then maybe you could have avoided this.” he hums, unscrewing the lid and letting that disgustingly sweet, syrupy scent flood the room. it was so potent that even you clogged sinuses could pick it up. “perhaps, doctor, one of these years you’ll learn to take your own advice. or perhaps listen to your husband’s…”

you lean backwards when he reaches for your chin. “haitham, if you make me drink that i will call the general mahamatra on you.”

“go ahead, he doesn’t scare me.”

he tries again, only for you to side-step his hand. “take your damn medicine!” 

“you’re not supposed to yell at a sick person!” 

“i’m not yelling. i’m simply insisting because you are being childish.”

maybe you were being childish, but that medicine was just so damn gross. “can i at least go down and say hi to everyone?” you try. “it’s been so long since i’ve seen them all.”

“fine, but only for ten minutes. and you have to take your medicine first.”

“but it always makes me sleepy,” you argue. “then you’ll be there enduring cake and small talk all by yourself.”

“it’s a birthday party, not a war. i think i’ll survive.”

you scowl at him, snatching the bottle and taking a gulp of the bitter liquid. “yeah, yeah. just wait until a drunk kaveh gets his hands on you and i’m not there to save you.”

the medicine starts taking effect almost instantly. you make it eleven minutes on your own feet before you’re clinging to alhaitham’s arm and leaning heavily into his side, nose still leaking and throat still tickling.

by then, all it takes is a single, ‘you don’t look too well’ from tighnari to convince alhaitham to drag you up into nilou’s spare room and into bed. 

too disoriented and drowsy to argue anymore, you thank him dazedly and reach out to pat his cheek before letting your eyes drift shut.

__________

you’re not too sure how long it’s been when you wakes, but when you pry your tired eyes open, there’s a tray of steaming food on your bedside table. the room is glowing and warm, the source being the flickering candle that alhaithm is reading his book under

he glances up when you shift in bed, closing his book. “feeling better?” 

“‘m not leaking anymore,” you shrugs, rubbing at the tip of your nose. “how long was i out for?”

“a little over two hours,” he answers, taking a seat at your bedside and pressing a hand to your forehead. “you’re not as warm as before. the medicine must be working.”

“yeah, well i still feel gross,” you mutter, not wanting to give that disgusting concoction too much credit.

“you look it, too.”

“the akademiya scribe,” you mutter, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed. “charming as ever.” 

he scoffs at that, scooping up the tray of food in one hand and offering you his other. “charming enough that the amurta darshan’s sage took my last name.”

“well, don’t let it get to your head,” you huff, taking his hand and letting him pull you to your feet. his thumb strokes your wedding band as he guides you to sit on a fur rug positioned in front of the fire. “pretty hard to say no to a guy that practically begs you to marry him.” 

“it was not begging—”

“haitham, dearest, that’s exactly what it was.”

you burst into a fit of giggles when he tells you to save it, his cheeks turning pink at the memory. your laughter quickly dissolves into a series of coughs, to which alhaitham pounds you on the back a little harder than necessary. 

“alright, you had your fun,” he murmurs, picking up a bowl of soup. “you need to eat something. i made your favourite,” he dips the spoon into the bowl. “i already picked out the cabbage,” he adds when you open your mouth to complain. 

unable to deny the slight rumble of your stomach, you reach for the spoon in his hand, pouting when he pulls it away. “i can feed myself,” you protest, voice hoarse from your coughing fit.

“the last time i let you feed yourself when you were sick, you sneezed and ended up throwing a spoonful of soup in my face,” he reminds you, the grim look on his face making it seem as if you’d stabbed him with the spoon instead. “open up.”

you narrow your eyes at the spoonful of soup. “it’s red,” you state. the original colour of recipe was a warm, almost translucent gold. 

“good to know your eyes are still working.”

“haitham,” you groan. “you know i don’t handle spice as well as you.”

“it’ll help clear up your sinuses,” he reasons, though there’s something teasing twitching at the corner of his lips. 

your body is wracked by another series of sneezes, each one stronger than the last, making him laugh.

“are you sure you’re done?” he teases, handing you a tissue.

“a good husband would just say, bless you,” you pout, blowing your nose and weakly tossing the soiled tissue at him. 

defeated by a clogged nose and a smug husband, you reluctantly open your mouth and let him spoon-feed you the eye-wateringly spicy soup. it slides down your throat like fire, and it…kind of does help with your sinuses and throat. 

you’d never admit that, though. it’s a new low you’ve discovered, a doctor taking medical advice from a semiotics major. 

the universe always finds ways to keep us humble.

when the bowl is half-empty and alhaitham is convinced you’ve eaten enough, he sets the bowl aside and wraps a blanket around your shoulders before he goes. your eyes are drooping again, the result of a warm blanket enveloping you and a satisfied stomach. 

he returns with a glass of water and a cool washcloth, gently pressing it to your forehead before situating himself behind you. “need anything else?”

letting yourself relax against his chest, you shake your head. his arms are warm around you, the steady sound of his heart and the soothing light of the candle slowly lulling you to sleep once more. 

“shouldn’t you get back to the party?” you murmur sleepily. but you’re already snuggling against him, hands curling greedily into the soft material of his shirt to keep him close.

“not particularly. i’ve already greeted nilou and done my share of…small talk,” he explains quietly. his small sigh is heavy, his posture deflating slightly. it wasn’t that he disliked your shared friends or their company, it was just that his social battery ran out faster than others, and without you there to keep him afloat? two hours was more than enough for him. 

“besides, i can’t exactly relax if i know that you’re up here positively suffering.” 

“you’re teasing me, but fine, i’ll let you stay.” 

no medicine or soup could do to you what a warm blanket and your annoying, teasing husband could for you, anyway.

[i-like-forcefem]

i have a feeling i know what you're going to say but, do you think its weird for me as a singlet to be into forceplural? im friends with a number of systems, and i know there's difficulties i'm not privy to, but it just seems,,, nice

Not at all cutie!!!

And it is nice!!! Being a system means you’re never alone, when times get rough you have someone else who can step in and control your body for you

Plus from my observations: everyone is a lot more plural then they’re letting on! I believe anyone could unrepress their plurality! Including you!

As far as I know every single plural person has doubts about not really being plural, and after deepening myself into hypnosis, I think the most important thing if you want to be plural is to just let yourselves be

Each plural experience is different, we personally always still feel like “Me”, but the lense through which we see the world, how respond to situations, and how our emotions feel is different from headmate to headmate

But when we notice such a shift in lenses, feeling like what we did before is suddenly not interesting before, or all of a sudden we’re a lot more active then we ever really are, then just take a second and think “wait am I the host?” If not, pick out a name for yourself!!! Start a simply plural! Talk about it with your friends!

Sorry that this is all so rambley! But we also started out as simply “wanting to be plural” before realising that “hey those couple days were we felt on cloud 9 and acted so so differently from ever before are a little suspicious” and that led to me picking out my name, and before we knew it we were a merry band of 5! And then I absorbed the host!!!

I don’t know if I’m going anywhere with that, except to say just go for it!!! I believe in you! (And even if you have absolutely no experiences you could call being plural, well just make a tulpa!!! That’s how we started before releasing I was here!)

[andreabandrea]

I absolutely don't mean this in a bad way, but I think a lot about how Pokemon is a power fantasy for kids. And I know this is obvious because it's a game for children, but let me ramble.

Think about it: you can go wherever you want, knowing you're safe because your Pokemon will protect you. In the later games, you can dress however you want and express yourself freely. You can connect with nature and communities of friendly kids and adults around you. You can make a meaningful, positive impact on the world. You can stand toe-to-toe with adults who, in real life, would ignore or even belittle you because you're just a kid. (And, of course, you have superpowered pets that love you.)

I think about how in the original games, Brock and Misty are presented as kids/young teens and become friends with Ash. But, Lt. Surge presents a difficulty spike-- if you chose Bulbasaur, you can easily sweep the first two gyms with it, but now you don't have a supereffective match up unless you plan more. I think it's meaningful, then, that Lt. Surge is portrayed a big, scary adult man and military to boot. In the anime, he's presented as being condescending and intimidating toward Ash. But, you as the player are able to overcome this intimidating man through the power of your Pokemon. The same can be said for people like Team Rocket and Giovanni-- Giovanni's original sprite in Red & Blue makes it look like he's looming over you, sneering at you.

It can easily be forgotten by adult fans, but you're seeing this world through the perspective of a child. Giovanni looming over you represents how it feels to be a child, powerless, and face an adult who's cruel to you. But you defeat him at every match up.

Satoshi Tajiri would go on to say that Pokemon was inspired by his childhood, in which he'd go out and collect bugs. Miyamoto would say that the first Zelda game was inspired by his childhood in which he'd explore the local area and caves and so on.

It makes me sad to think that, as the world becomes more modern, more urbanized, and (as parents tend to see it, at least) more unsafe, this childhood that inspired these classic games become further out of reach for kids. When I was growing up, I lived in a suburb full of concrete. I couldn't walk anywhere, and even if I could, my mother was too anxious to let me just go around unsupervised.

This is why getting the bike is such a big moment in Pokemon-- you can go so much farther as a kid on a bike! But, I also could only ride my bike up and down my boring street before running into a major street full of cars going 50 MPH that would have murdered me instantly.

This isn't a doom post. I still believe that we can repair the damage that capitalism and cars have done to the world. But, I think that in times like this, it's more important than ever for kids to have access to these power fantasies, these escapes from a world that they have no ability to fix, but still suffer from regardless.

Ironically, I think that when I play Pokemon now, I play it to feel smaller rather than to feel bigger, the opposite of how I played it as a kid. Now, it's comforting to escape from work and stress into a world in which your only concerns are walking to the next town, catching a new Pokemon, and maybe fighting a gym leader. The same can be said of any piece of media that someone is nostalgic for, but I think Pokemon feeds into it well because its design is so baked in the experience of being a child.

When I'm playing Pokemon, especially when replaying an old game, I still remember things like only saving in Pokemon centers so that my character could sleep there in a nice building, or imagining them setting up camp if I had to save and quit on a route. If I had time, I would feed my Pokemon some Pokeblocks or etc. at my little 'camp' so they wouldn't be hungry (which is why I felt like the cooking and camping systems from SwSh were so real for me, haha).

I don't think that there's a 'wrong' way to play Pokemon-- I know people enjoy competitive Pokemon, and strict challenge runs, and stuff. And I can enjoy that, too! But, for me, Pokemon is about childhood, you know?

[part-time-zombie]

What To Expect

pairings: logince (platonic, can be read as romantic)

summary: roman didn't think anyone else would be up this late at night, especially not logan. an unexpected encounter leads to a much needed heart-to-heart between the two, one that may lead them in the right direction towards mutual understanding.

tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, angst with a happy ending

word count: 3864

a/n: this is basically my Night Owls fic, but if roman was the one to run into logan instead of remus. also this is like the second fic i've ever written (wow).

Roman couldn’t sleep. This was bad enough on its own, as Roman usually preferred to get plenty of beauty rest, but what was worse about tonight was why he was still awake.

Over the past few days, or maybe weeks, it felt as if a dark cloud had settled over his mind and heart in the wake of all that had happened between him and the others after the wedding, and that in any moment a horrible storm would come erupting to the surface if he didn’t do something about it first. He felt restless and tense and generally very unlike himself, and he was desperate to find a way to get this awful feeling out of his system so he could just get back to normal.

The thought of actually talking about what he was feeling had crossed his mind before, but he squashed the idea down as quickly as it had come up. Firstly, the notion that Roman was so pathetically helpless that he had to rely on someone else just to get a grip on his own fleeting, fickle feelings was simply laughable. He may be a pauper’s excuse for a prince, but he still had his pride to protect. Secondly, even if he did decide to bite the bullet and seek out some form of comfort from someone else, who exactly could he go to in the first place? Remus wouldn’t care to listen to anything like this, and Virgil really didn’t need someone else’s problems to worry about on top of everything else. As nice as a supportive hug from Patton sounded, there was no way he could go to him either. He just stood by and let Thomas choose that lying snake over him, actualizing the dreaded fact that Roman had fallen from grace and from Thomas’ favor. Patton listened to Janus instead of him without even trying to look sorry about it. No, there was no way he could talk to Patton about any of this, and he sure as hell wasn’t bringing this anywhere near Janus.

He doubted he could talk to Logan, either. Logan was probably the best side to go to for something like this, he could keep Remus in line without so much as breaking a sweat after all, and he was always capable of solving the other sides’ problems. He always knew what to do, what to say. And yet, Roman knew it was a bad idea. He knew he could stand to be more observant overall, but he could always tell how people thought of him when he talked to them. He had lost count of the vast amount of rolled eyes, defeated sighs, and outright hateful glares Logan had thrown his way. It didn’t stop there however. He had gradually noticed just how stressed and tired Logan had seemed as of late. If Roman came up to Logan and forced him to put his own work aside to coddle and comfort him right now, he’d probably despise him forever. Not that he would blame him.

A particularly loud rumbling from his stomach pulled Roman from his thoughts. He really hadn’t eaten very much today; he had hardly even left his room for any more than necessary. Maybe if he ate something he’d feel a little bit better, or at least be able to finally get some sleep. It was worth a shot either way, so Roman quietly crept downstairs to the kitchen in search of anything that would serve as a semi-satisfactory midnight snack.

And nearly tripped over himself in shock on the last step.

Logan was still up, which in and of itself wasn’t particularly unordinary, as Logan was usually one of the last sides to retire for the night, but he had never expected to see him like this.

He was sitting in the living room with a glass of wine and a plate full of Crofters on toast on the coffee table beside him, but he wasn’t reading a textbook or going over one of his notebooks like normal. He was resting on the floor and working on a crossword puzzle. Weirder still, he was in his unicorn onesie, and as the hood fell back with an absentminded shake of the head from Logan, Roman saw that he was currently listening to something on his earbuds. He looked soft and almost happy in a way that Roman hadn’t seen in a very long time. The most surprising thing of all of this to Roman was the fact that Logan was smiling. It was a small smile, more relaxed than enthused, but it was still an authentic smile. He looked so calm and light and completely at peace that Roman forgot why he had come downstairs in the first place, the hunger in his stomach quickly replaced with butterflies. He had never seen Logan like this before and he doubted he would ever get the chance again, and if Roman were a little more aware of himself right now, he would have slipped back upstairs as silently as he had come before Logan could so much as suspect that he had still been awake at all. He ought to do just that, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away from the incredible and impossible sight before him, completely transfixed by Logan's smile.

Which is why Logan finally caught sight of him lurking on the stairs and staring at him.

He had merely lifted his head up from the page in a stretch when he froze, wide eyes locked onto Roman's. The smile disappeared in an instant and was replaced with a look of sheer terror. Logan rushed to his feet in a dash, a desperate excuse or plea trying to stumble free from his shaking lips as Roman quickly moved from his point on the stairs to join him, reaching out to calm and quiet him. It didn’t seem to help very much.

“I, um, don’t- it’s not what it looks like. Please don’t say anything, or tell anyone, ever, please. It’s nothing, I was doing nothing, so just forget whatever it is you didn’t see,” Logan said in a rush, changing out of his onesie and back into his ordinary outfit as he stood up.

Roman couldn’t think of anything to say to calm him down right now. He had seen Logan angry, seen him excited, seen him disappointed, even seen him scared and saddened before, but he had never seen him so embarrassed like this. He didn’t know Logan could be this bashful.

“Woah, it’s okay, specs. Don’t freak out or anything, alright? I didn’t mean to spook you like that. I swear I had no idea you were still awake. I was just trying to get a snack,” he explained.

Logan shifted where he stood, eyes darting between Roman and the stairs behind him, as if debating on if he could make a run for it or checking to see if anyone else was awake. Upon seeing that he couldn’t get past the stairs without passing Roman, he quickly took out his earbuds as he straightened his posture and fixed an impassive look on his face.

“Well, I certainly didn’t mean to disturb you, Roman, though I must suggest you try to get some rest after you’ve eaten. It’s rather late, and a good nights sleep is essential to ones health.”

Logan managed to switch from being open and vulnerable to calm and indifferent with such practiced ease that it would almost be impressive, were it not currently concerning. How many times had Logan shut himself down like this for it to be so effortless? How many times had he had to practice this kind of restraint, and how could Roman not have noticed it until now? As much as he wanted to ask, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. Roman instead focused on the smaller matter at hand; what exactly was Logan doing out here in the middle of the night?

“Aren’t you awake right now, too?” he countered. It was merely meant to be lightly teasing but going by Logan’s reaction, it must have sounded more accusatory than anything. Logan tensed minutely before looking away, where his eyes fell upon the still open crossword on the floor. He quickly bent down and retrieved it, holding it close to his chest in an almost protective manner.

“What were you doing up so late, anyway?” Roman added, too curious to be courteous.

Logan didn’t answer right away, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Roman couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for making him so uneasy, but right now he was far too interested in what it was that had gotten Logan so defensive.

“… Nothing,” he finally answered.

“Get real, you were obviously doing something, Logan.”

“No, I wasn’t. I was, quite literally, doing nothing. That was the point,” he explained with a sigh. He fixed his gaze on Roman, a steely expression on his face. “Everyone has their own method to de-stress when they find themselves feeling overwhelmed. If I recall, you mentioned how singing to yourself was a coping mechanism you usually rely on. This is mine. Or at least, it was, before you decided to interrupt me. Though, I shouldn’t have been so foolish as to be so open in the common room like this. I assure you I will keep any and all future de-stressing sessions in my room from here on out, so you need not worry about me bothering you like this again.”

 “Logan, you didn’t bother me. If anything, I was just surprised seeing you so tranquil. What all is it that you do when you unlax like this?” he asked.

“What does it matter?”

“Well, I’d kind of want to know what it is that makes you so happy.”

“Why?” Logan asked, and despite the question seeming inquisitive, he asked it with the deadpan, defeated tone of someone who didn’t really see the point in the answer.

“It’s just, I don’t often see you so open like that, other than when you’re around Crofters, that is.” He said, lips upturning as the memory of their duet resurfaced. “And I’m honestly surprised you still have that onesie of yours. I thought you said they were too childish for you.”

Logan didn’t seem to share Roman's fondness for the recollection. He flinched just minutely enough for Roman to notice it before straightening his already stiff posture. “Yes, well, I suppose some habits can be somewhat hard to break. It’s nothing for you to bring up again, especially not to the others. Just leave it alone, Roman.”

“Logan, I’m not making fun of you here-”

“That’s a first,” he retorted with an almost exaggerated eyeroll.

Roman was stunned. “What are you… what do you mean?”

“Oh, please. I am not blind to the unmitigated plethora of mockery and insults you’ve thrown my way. ‘Sub-astute teacher’, ‘Squad-less geek’, ‘Microsoft nerd’, ‘Drama turd’, ‘Nerdy Wolverine’. I know you don’t exactly think highly of me, Roman, and that’s alright. We don’t have to like each other, as long as Thomas is doing well you can hate me as much as you want. It’s fine.”

Roman felt like he had just been sucker-punched in the gut. Every nickname Logan spat back at him was ringing in his ears with the sickening realization that Logan actually thought he meant them. It was all just supposed to be harmless banter, jokes to be lightheartedly exchanged like he and Virgil did. They weren’t actually… Logan couldn’t possibly believe…

“Logan, I don’t hate you. I never meant to make you feel that way, I didn’t mean any of it,” Roman started, but Logan cut him off with a scoff.

“Forgive me for my skepticism, but I find it very hard to believe you right now. I already told you; you are allowed to dislike me. I don’t mind. And I know that tomorrow you will undoubtedly use what you witnessed tonight as additional ammunition for your jokes, but I would still appreciate it if you tried to exercise some restraint. I do have a reputation to uphold, after all. Or at least, I should.”

Roman was speechless. Logan really thought that Roman despised him. He even thought that he would go so far as to make fun of him for finally unwinding like this, as if the mere sight of Logan in such a relaxed state didn’t fill Roman with light. Memories clouded his vision, images of Logan smiling and laughing about something silly, the sweet sound of Logan's singing as he lit up at the sight of his own jam, all of the times when he seemed so eager to participate in something jovial and juvenile. The memories shifted, revealing how many times Roman or the others had judged and chastised him for doing so, acting like he shouldn’t enjoy such things at all, despite it now being clear how much joy they had brought him. Logan had seemed so eager to participate in those light-hearted festivities, but Roman and the others made him feel like he couldn’t even enjoy his favorite food without criticism. He couldn’t even remember the last time he heard Logan laugh or even saw him smile before tonight. Is that why he was out here so late at night? Did he feel like he could only let go like this when no one was there to tell him he couldn’t? All because of the expectations everyone else had about him. How could Roman have let it get this bad?

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, so quietly that he was uncertain if he had even said the words out loud. Logan must have still heard him, though. His eyes widened in surprise, jaw falling open slightly. His arms dropped to his sides, one hand still absentmindedly holding his puzzle book. He shook his head ever so slowly as if struggling to comprehend what was happening. Roman could see denial forming in his mind, as if he were unable to accept what he was hearing.

“Logan, please,” Roman started. He took a breath and proceeded, desperate to make Logan understand. “I am really, truly, sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this. I had no idea how badly it was affecting you, but I promise you I didn’t want it to. I didn’t want this at all.”

“Then what did you want?” he asked, voice low and wavering.

“I wanted to engage with you. Those jokes, that’s all they were meant to be. Just jokes, ones I was hoping you’d return to me. I only meant for it to be witty banter, quips we could throw back and forth. I remember how you looked during that little rap battle thing we did. You looked so excited, so cool, you really seemed to be having fun. Not to mention how impressive it was. I was honestly amazed with how quickly you came up with those rhymes. And I liked having that kind of fun with you, Logan. I wanted to do more things like that with you. You used to smile so much back then, and you were so enthusiastic about everything. Dressing like Sherlock, making all those witty comebacks, even you wearing that unicorn onesie I know you love. You should have been allowed to indulge in all of those things that make you so happy, but instead of encouragement you were met with mockery. All those comments I made weren’t meant to put you down, they were supposed to inspire you to involve yourself in the banter more, to be just as silly as the rest of us. I should have noticed how it wasn’t being taken that way, so I’m sorry, Logan. I never wanted this for you.”

Logan stared back at him for a moment, blinking rapidly before clearing his throat. “Well, I suppose it is good to know that. I will definitely take all of this into account moving forward. Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe it is best for me to retire for the night. You should too, might I add.” Logan then moved to the coffee table, taking his things and disposing of them with one final swig of his wine. He worked quickly, shoulders visibly tense even underneath his shirt, and Roman didn’t know if he ought to help him or stop him before he dropped something or hurt himself. He found himself doing neither, too surprised to do anything other than stare as Logan desperately tried to ignore what had been said. After putting everything away as if he had never been there Logan tried his best to move swiftly past Roman, who had been standing near the stairs the whole time. Roman almost let him go, but the urge to ensure that Logan was alright compelled him to act instead.

He reached out a hand and grabbed Logan's arm as he passed, not hard or firm, just to stop him from leaving. Logan reacted as if he were burned. He tensed and violently tore his arm away, taking a few steps back, with his other hand absently rubbing at the spot where Roman's had been. His face was filled with surprise and shock, and Roman was sure he shared that same expression.

“Logan, are you alright? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked nervously. He took a step closer only for Logan to take another step back, keeping that same distance between them. He didn’t think he had grabbed him that hard, but he had definitely startled him at the very least. He backed off instead, granting Logan some space. Some of the tension left him at that, but he still seemed pensive about something. Roman wanted to punch himself in the face. He had only wanted to make sure Logan wasn’t too terribly upset after everything, but now he had gone and broken him.

“I really didn’t mean to scare you like that. I just wanted to… I don’t know. I guess I wanted to comfort you. You looked really stressed and I thought I’d try to help in some way. I’m really sorry.”

“…It’s alright,” Logan replied. He didn’t seem hurt, at least, but something was still weighing on him. “You just surprised me, that’s all. I’m fine. You don’t need to worry, you did nothing wrong.”

Roman wanted to believe him, but he couldn’t help but feel doubt gnawing at the back of his skull. No one would react that intensely to a hand on their arm unless there was something going on. Maybe Logan didn’t like being touched, he certainly never involved himself in any hugs or cuddles with the others. If that were the case, then Roman just up and grabbing him like that could have really upset him, despite what Logan had said.

“I don’t think that’s all true,” Roman murmured. Logan looked back up at him as he said this, but he continued. “Logan, are you sure you’re alright? I get that you probably don’t like being touched, so I get it if I upset you by grabbing you like that.”

“That’s not it, Roman,” Logan explained rather quickly. “You didn’t hurt me at all, I just didn’t see it coming. I suppose I’m just a bit unused to sudden bouts of physical contact like that, that’s all.” He looked away as he said this, almost shyly. “I haven’t exactly been held very much,” he muttered that last part to himself, so quietly Roman had to strain his ears to hear it. Logan hunched his shoulders forward slightly, arms wrapped around each other like he was trying to hold himself in a way no one else likely did. He looked so small like this, so alone, and it made Roman’s heart ache.

Roman had never seen Logan seek out a hug, or any kind of physical comfort, so he always assumed he wasn’t the type of person to enjoy that kind of thing. But the thought of him silently struggling, longing for some kind of comfort but feeling like he couldn’t have it for whatever reason made Roman’s stomach twist and turn itself into knots like a fork in spaghetti. He had to fix this.

“Logan, do you want to be held?” he asked, trying to keep his tone soft and even.

Logan hardly looked up at him, just enough to look him in the eye, before making the tiniest of nods, his face kept as still and solemn as possible. Still trying his best to look serious, even now. Roman wasted no time in crossing the room and pulling Logan into his arms, holding him in as tight of a hug as he could manage. Logan tensed for a brief moment, but quickly eased against him and softly returned the hug. Roman didn’t usually dish out hugs, more often than not it was Patton who started them, but Roman still tried his hardest to put all of his warmth, all of his care, all of his love into the embrace. He felt Logan's heart against his chest, beating rapidly but gradually slowing as he relaxed, and it only prompted him to hug him even tighter. Logan tucked his head into his shoulder with a quiet sigh, and Roman let one of his hands wander up to his head and play with his hair. That got him a small whine from Logan, who only pressed himself even further into Roman. He had no idea Logan could be like this, and he felt both lucky upon getting the chance to see him drop his guard and full of regret at having been the reason he was on guard to begin with.

“May I ask you something?” Logan asked him, voice slightly muffled by Roman’s shoulder.

“Of course,” he answered, voice slightly shaky with emotion.

“Why are you being so nice to me now?”

Roman bit back the tears that started to cloud his vision. Even now, Logan wouldn’t let himself accept this. “Because I realized just how mean I’ve been to you, and I don’t want to keep doing that. I want to be nicer, to do better. And I know it’ll take me a while to get it right, but I want to try. I want to do what I can to fix this, if you’ll let me. I want to see you smile again, Logan.”

Logan finally pulled back, just enough to look Roman in the eye. His eyes were shining with unshed tears, but they sparked with a faint glimmer of hope.

“And don’t worry, I would never want to make you feel ashamed for something like this. As far as I’m concerned, nothing happened tonight at all. Your secret’s safe with me, scouts honor.”

“You’re not a scout, Roman,” Logan replied. He rolled his eyes again as he said this, but this time it was with a fond exasperation as opposed to the scorn from before.

“Maybe not,” Roman said with a grin, “so how about a princes honor? Is that good enough?”

Logan smiled at him, and the dark clouds in Roman vanished. “It’s good enough for me.”

@britt-ish123 @lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie @rougeside4 @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat @nico-the-overlord @keitaisghost @can-i-take-a-stab @new-zee-land

[astraymetronome]

Chapter 3

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 4

Sorry, this took so long to get out! I've gotten busy! My job actually just promoted me and I got my nose pierced.

His lungs were screaming as he ran. Flying was one hell of a risk considering that he didn’t want to rush through the potion in his system. He only had one of each and, even if it was faster, he couldn’t risk it. Tommy needed to get somewhere, anywhere, he could hide and act like he didn’t have a living thing in his stomach. Nausea was swelling up his throat as he ran but Tommy was well aware he wouldn’t actually purge his stomach or anything similar. 

The teen could feel the snow under his feet, he could feel the cold sapping through his entire body as he rushed from the city towards a cabin set deep in the snowy tundra. Making a journey completely unprepared was dumb regardless of everything, but doing it into a snow-covered land was even more ignorant but that wasn’t what Tommy cared for.

All he needed to do was run until his head was clear and he reached his destination! Techno was far enough away to be hard to locate which was a good thing, but the worst thing was that he was rough to reach in a bad situation. 

Tommy panted as he gave a very sheepish whine, his nausea was getting worse from the combination of stimuli. His feet hurt, his stomach hurt, his lungs hurt, Fuck. Everything hurts! He figured it wasn’t a good sign, considering his ungodly pain tolerance. He just needed to get to that shack in the middle of the forest. 

The middle of this fucking huge snow-ridden forest!

He got so caught up in his head, the thoughts of his discomfort and the uneasy pit in his torso, Tommy didn’t know how to feel when, out of nowhere, a heavyweight collided with his back. A squawk left his throat as he tumbled forward, wings flaring in response. He fell into the snow as the thing on his back buried its teeth into the fluff of his cape.

The creature behind him was warm and heavy, a growl building from its throat. He felt fear wash through him for a moment before the weight shifted enough he was able to unclasp the lock around his neck and roll away from the cape. He mourned the loss of its warmth but he was quick to pull a sword from his inventory, ready and completely prepared to shed blood to protect himself. 

Tommy’s eyes landed on a medium animal, it was mostly gray and white with a small amount of tan dressing its mussel. The animal’s eyes were narrowed, a red glint resinating in the black of its pupils as his eyes drifted down. A nice deep blue collar sat around its neck as the dog growled once more. 

“Liz?” He found himself whispering. The canine’s ears perked up at the word as it left his lips, her eyes shifting from a glare to a gaze of recognition as her tail began to wag away and a small bark left her mussel. She bounded forward, acting like a puppy that hadn’t seen their mother in years. 

Despite the cold digging into his body and his knees, Tommy didn’t hesitate to chirp as he opened his arms and eagerly embraced the dog. He smiled as Liz seemed to relish in his contact, barking loudly as she was pet and he scratched behind her ears. Her warmth was welcomed with how freezing his limbs felt from the surroundings. 

A pressure hit the side of his stomach, clearly some kind of swing or hit from the man inside Tommy held in a groan as he continued to embrace the animal. It didn’t take a genius to guess what the reason behind the attack was. Dream probably was still angry and confused about the situation going on outside, plus he also had a reason to show his discontent with the teen. A sharp whistle interrupted his situation as Liz’s ears shot up. She jumped off of him, quickly turning to face the source of the sound. Tommy recognized the pitch and knew who had made the high call. 

His eyes drifted upwards, a familiar mask slipping into view as he noticed the hulking figure stepping closer. Red eyes slid through the holes in the skull, showing the person behind it. A nice watermelon pink draped over his brother’s shoulders, the braid of hair resting over his right shoulder. Techno was still wearing his signature white dress shirt and black slacks. The jabot around his neck was still ruffled and ironed in the way it always was with the green emerald pendent still just above his clavicle. His red cloak, just like the one normally draped across his own shoulders, still holding the bloody shade of crimson and the white fluff of his collar hugging his neck and meshing well with the golden clasp. His tail swished out to the side, peaking out from under the draping fabric as it slipped through the snow.

“Tommy.”

The piglin’s voice seemed surprised and confused but, ultimately, it was guarded. The blonde wasn’t going to judge him. His brother deserved to feel skceptical and unsure about his presence considering their past relationship and how the avian had treated his older brother. He had betrayed his flock, Techno’s sounder had betrayed him and that was considered unforgivable for a brute. He didn’t deserve any forgiveness or anything of that related sort but he still cared for his brother and the hybrid deserved to be aware of what he was doing. 

“Hey… It’s... It’s nice to see you Technoblade.” He told his older brother, the look of hesitance steeling as the brute lifted his crossbow. Tommy lifted his hands, trying to show he meant no harm. Liz glanced back and forth between the two of them, the confusion visible in her little face. She seemed drawn to the tension between the two of them, tempted to join her human and grow defensive but also desiring to go love and cuddle with the boy she hadn’t seen in about a year. 

“Why are you here, Theseus.” The tone in his voice as it passed by his brother’s tusks left no room for argument or even an attempt to lie through his teeth. Tommy simply sighed as he looked up, he got up, picked up his sword, and put it in his inventory, before holding his hands up with a small anxious smile. 

“I know as of right now, it looks like I just need help. I do, but that's not the main reason I’m here.” He told him as he looked up at his older brother. Tommy could feel his nerves flooding his body and causing a slight tremble in his lip as he fought the instinctual desire to cling to his flock and beg forgiveness. He was bound to eventually but, he couldn’t give in until he was completely sure that everything was understood. Techno had a look in his eyes, one that said he was curious and unsure of what he wanted or even needed to know. 

The small tilt of his brother’s head was enough to tell him to keep going, so he listened. 

“Dream.. It involves Dream. Since you already paid back what you owed to him, and I promise I’m not here to cause trouble! I figured you were the only person I could go to about this…” He explained kind of periodically. He also brought his hands close, despite the desire to talk with his hands he made sure to keep them in sight and where they wouldn’t be seen as a threat or anywhere near that. 

“And what makes you think I’d help you with anything involving that homeless prick.” The brute specified as he looked at his little brother. The older hybrid looked angered as he went ahead and moved forward to do something, what that was Tommy had no idea but he wasn’t gonna just take it.

He could feel his nerves spiking as he gave an anxious noise before speaking once more. “I trapped him!” He said quickly. 

Techno seemed to pause at his admission. The piglin paused as he blinked a little, clearly confused and it showed. “Heh?” The man exclaimed as he looked down towards the dog near his side. Liz simply looked back at him, being the same as she ever was, just a confused little dog who seemed happy to be around two of her favorite people. His older brother gave a sigh before he simply lifted up his crossbow and reached a hand out. 

“We can talk about this at my cabin. You’ve got no shoes on, Theseus.” Tommy found himself blinking at that, he felt confused but he looked down and, just like Techno said, he’d forgotten his shoes in his rush to get someone else. The hybrid let out a chirp, his gaze drifting back up as he watched his older brother.

promise.

The brute chuffed in response and the avian’s instincts took that as confirmation that they would be talking this out. Techno didn’t hesitate to pick up the cape in the snow, holding it out towards the blonde without a second thought. 

Tommy took it after just a second as he made sure to adjust how he stood and tried to keep his feet close to eachother. Liz didn’t hesitate to move forwards and wind her way between his legs and forcing them to have a more reasonable distance. 

He began to fall in step behind the brute, watching his brother’s back as the cape over his shoulder’s moved in motion with his body and his tail. If the avian was honest, he wanted to just cling to his older brother due to how badly his instincts screamed. Tommy straight up had someone he wanted to hide from inside of his fucking body. His mind was pissed at him for being so chill about having his abuser inside of his stomach, his instincts were also torn, still feeding off the imprint he’d formed throughout exile. 

No one knew about it. 

Not Techno. Not Dream. Not even Phil. 

<em>Not a single person was going to know.</em>

He brought his hands to his chest, fighting with his flock desire to hold onto Techno. 

They’d been walking for about five minutes before the piglin gave a sigh, sounding exasperated as they both came to a stop. “Come here, kid.” Techno said without much room for argument. Tommy felt confused, looking at his older brother as he stepped closer. 

The moment Tommy was within arm’s length, his older brother pushed his crossbow into his inventory before his arms moved and…

Scooped him up.

A startled chirp left the avian as he was picked up. He was not used to being treated like a small child, considering he hadn’t really been around his older brother. Tommy was very used to being treated as younger than he was, it was the reason he held such a defensive response when being called a child or something similar. Despite how much he wanted to yell and hit as he was picked up, he didn’t have the energy. 

“Put me down, Techno..” He whispered as he was held. Liz looked up at him, tail wagged faster as she perked up. it almost seemed as if the canine thought they were playing around. His brother simply shook his head as he spoke.

“You’re walking barefoot in the snow. I should have done this sooner. Calm down, Theseus.”

Tommy couldn’t argue with that. 

____

Dream could feel everything around him shift. The walls against his back and knees were warm, in an uncomfortable way, and slick. It stuck to him every time he had to move his body. The hybrid couldn’t believe where he was sitting right now, a part of him was preening at the probabilities and possibilities this could open up for kinds of torture and manipulation. The other half was screaming at how unnatural this was!

He held back the desire to scream and yell until he got Tommy to submit. He wanted out of the teenager! He didn’t want to be stuck in some stupid bird’s stomach or even close to this environment. The sound of his own heart pounding in his ears was drowned out by the teen’s heart among the sounds of his stomach and the wooshing of his every breath. 

His surroundings were moving without breath, clearly Tommy was being active with the amount of acids that pooled around his hips. “When I get out of here, I’m gonna fucking kill you!” He barked out, his ears twitching as acid dripped down from the fundus above him. Dream moved his hands to the sides, pushing them into the rugae in order to ground himself. 

He shifted his weight, moving onto his lower back as he braced himself with one leg. The sheep hybrid was panting as he reared back a leg, quick to try and kick the wall in front of him. It didn’t come to fruition as he was thrown around, hearing a grunt come from above. A smirk spread across Dream’s face, a sick satisfaction growing in his gut at the teen’s pain. 

“Suck it.” He muttered to himself.

____

Tommy could still feel Dream kicking and pushing around inside his abdomen. It was causing more nausea to grow, more than he’d like to admit, but the good thing was that he was at least close to having this all taken care of. He knew the pots were still working in his system, able to feel it under his skin, but he had a feeling it wouldn’t be lasting much longer. 

The arms that were wrapped around his body were nice. Techno hadn’t held Tommy on his back, which should have been expected, instead literally holding him in a bridal carry. It wasn’t uncomfortable.

Not in the slightest.

The brute was warm in comparison to the freezing cold of the snowing biome around them. Piglin’s were naturally warmer than humans because they lived in the nether, so it made sense for hybrids to have a higher temperature as well. Tommy wasn’t going to complain regardless.

Once they got to the cabin, he felt tired. So much had been going on today, a mix of mental and physical stress that really caused him to feel this exhausted. He had a feeling he’d be sent home tomorrow. No matter how mad his older brother got, Techno was not the monster everyone assumed he was. The hybrid wouldn’t force him out into the snow without shoes or proper clothes. 

“Technoblade?” Tommy mumbled, looking up at his brother. Liv had rushed to the porch, eagerly waiting outside the door as her tail thumped loudly against the wood boards below her. His brother hummed, the sound rumbling in his chest as he showed his attention. 

“Why?” He asked as his brother set him down. He watched as the boar pushed his hand into his pocket, pulling out a key with a swift motion. 

“Let’s talk inside.” He said simply. Tommy found his eyes drifting up towards the mask. He locked his gaze with the man as he gave a small sigh. He probably should get inside before the hybrid changed his mind. 

As the door closed and the lights were switched on, Liz barked as she ran towards where the other dogs were curled up. A handful of the ones Techno had left were all over the living room. He couldn’t help but smile as he took a step towards them before a hand was placed on his shoulder, leading him towards the kitchen instead. 

His nerves were screaming as he stepped towards the area. His stomach shifted with his nerves, the organ squeezing around the small form that sat inside. He couldn’t help but hug his abdomen, feeling self-conscious of the lump that sat under his shirt. It was pretty impalpable, the smallest of bumps settled just under his rib cage where his stomach sat. He gave a wince, feeling bloated despite the fact he was well aware he wasn’t. 

Tommy stepped towards the counter, instinctively plopping himself onto the cold tile. It had been a pretty common occurrence back when the avian had been living with his older brother. Their dad had explained it as a desire to be in high places, something all bird hybrids were wired to enjoy. The teen found it strange, it wasn’t like sitting here made much of a difference for height but he liked it. Though… this did get him thinking.

“Where’s Phil?” He asked, keeping his arms around his belly in order to feel a sense of privacy. He couldn’t help feeling exposed since he was well aware Techno was far more perspective than others on the server. 

The brute seemed to sigh at the question, it was almost as if Tommy wasn’t the first to ask it. Techno simply walked towards the oven, placing a pot on the burner and turning it on. The blonde watched his older brother get out some cocoa, milk, and sugar before beginning to combine them in the pot. “Dad is on vacation. He’s had enough of the cold.” 

That… actually made sense. The only reason his brother enjoyed the Arctic was because it helped him regulate his hibernation and keep a proper internal clock. It was weird to think such a cold environment would help a nether hybrid live an easier life. Either way, Tommy was glad Techno had a way to live comfortably. His brother deserved it after… everything. 

“Either way, we’re not going to ignore what you said in the forest.” The older man said simply as he began to stir the concoction he’d started to make. Tommy knew it wasn’t going to be avoided but he didn’t know how to word it. It would be pretty weird to just blurt what he did out loud but, he didn’t see any other options. It was gonna have to be told sooner or later. 

“I don’t know how to say it Tech, it’s… weird.” Tommy found himself mumbling as he looked towards his feet, kicking them slightly. He didn’t know how to continue, but Tehno’s next action surprised him. A hand settled on his knee, giving him a reassuring squeeze before a mug was pushed into his hands, warming the frostbitten fingers. The avian took notice of the blood pooling around his nail beds, which explained why his hands were hurting. Tommy knew he had a bad habit of ripping them from his fingers, it used to be nail-biting in Logshire and it had developed into something worse.

“That’s okay, I’ll listen regardless.” The piglin said as he took Tommy’s free hand and began to look over his fingers. The blonde was well aware his brother wasn’t happy with what he saw, but he also knew Techno would’t judge him for the bad habit. 

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he let his eyes shift from the mug to the red ones in front of him. He was unsure how his brother would answer but… he no longer had any excuses to avoid the topic.

“I ate Dream.”

[stardust-kenobi]

Reminiscence

Part Seven

Read previous chapter here

Obi Wan Kenobi x Fem!Reader

Summary: With the arrival of the Empire after they tracked you from Batuu, you and Obi-Wan fight to get everyone to safety before your long lost friend wreaks havoc on the outpost.

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: canon typical violence, fluff, death (no major characters), lil bit of evil behavior from the empire

A/N: I am so sorry it took me so long to get back to this series, I missed it so much!! I hope you guys enjoy <3

The rays of the sun above glowed warm against your skin as you joined Master Kenobi outside on the steps of the Jedi Temple. It felt good to breathe the outside air, it's only too bad that the air you smelled was some of the galaxy's most polluted. It was your first week with him, and things were going okay, but you couldn't help but feel the relentless tension pulling at you both every time you were near him. It must be just the discomfort of something new, you thought.

"Ah, there he is" Obi Wan spoke up, referencing the tall, young Jedi that walked toward you both. His black robes set him apart from the way the others presented themselves, and his hair fell to his shoulders, wavy and slightly unkempt.

“Y/N I’d like you to meet Anakin” Your new Master introduced you to his other padawan. Anakin had already taken on his own padawan, due to how advanced his skills were, and the fact that a new wave of younglings had thrown off the balance of masters and apprentices.

“Nice to meet you” You smiled warmly at him.

“You as well. I hear you’ll be training under Master Kenobi now” He stated, more to make conversation rather than actual wonder. Master Kenobi had already told him about you.

“Yes, I was reassigned from Master Ti” You clarified. You tried not to hold any embarrassment for being a ‘late bloomer’, but sometimes it was hard to hide.

“I see, well, it will be good to have someone else around to keep Obi Wan busy” Anakin laughed, his childlike humor coming out in conversation.  You giggled in response.

“Yes, because you don’t keep me busy enough with your antics” Obi Wan rolled his eyes sarcastically.

"I try" Anakin smirked.

The banter made you feel more welcome in their circle. It could be uncomfortable, being a new padawan in such a tightly knit group of Jedi, but Anakin's humor calmed your racking nerves during the first few days.

“Ah yes, and now there are two of you to question my teachings” Obi Wan laughed, his hand falling to rest on your lower back. He almost pulled it away, and you felt his uncertainty, but you embraced the feeling nonetheless. It was innocent, of course, at least that's what you'd both convince yourselves was the case.

"What system are you from?"

"Oh, um, Outer Rim. Jelucan" You cleared your throat. Jelucan was not known for tourism or visitors, especially considering how far away it was from all the major systems.

"Jelucan. I think I may have visited there before" Anakin pondered. Maybe he had, but you would've remembered seeing a Jedi if he had come anywhere near your village.

"It's very mountainous, but beautiful. Its been my home for my entire life. Until now, of course"

"We should visit it soon, I'd love to see it" Anakin suggested. You knew that was not a good idea. It was already challenging trying to detach yourself from your old life, but visiting would make that even harder. Most younglings or padawans don't struggle with this, because their training starts very young and they don't remember much from wh.

"Anakin" Master Kenobi scolded, reminding him to be mindful of his tendency to get attached.

"She's 18, Obi Wan, she spent all those years with her family and you really think she won't want to go and visit them?" Anakin scoffed, his tone growing annoyed very quickly. It was unsettling, at first, but you had to remind yourself how long these two had known each other.

"Let's go, Y/N" Obi Wan guided you, his hand still rested against the curve of your back, barely evident through the thick of your robes, but enough to give you butterflies.

You understood his concern, and he had every right to scold Anakin for his suggestion, but remembering the fact that you may never see your family again did put a sharp ache in your heart.

"I am sorry for him" Master Kenobi shook his head as he looked down to his feet while you descended the stairs together.

"Master Kenobi, its no problem" You assured him.

"I feel he is my responsibility. Especially when he is wrong. He loses sight of what's right sometimes, and I feel...I feel like I failed somewhere" He sounded so shameful and so vulnerable. You felt for him, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this".

"You cannot blame yourself, Master Kenobi. People have their own personalities and intentions regardless of who had any influence of their upbringing" You began, trying to make him feel better, "My sister came from the same loving parents that I did, but hated them, disowned us, left home at 16, and told us she'd never see us again. But there I was not too long ago, wondering if leaving my parents, the kindest people I've ever known, was the right decision".

"They are proud of you, Y/N. As am I," Obi Wan stopped with you at the foot of the stairs, making sure to make eye contact with you, so his sincerity was felt at its full capacity.

"I don't feel that I have had the chance to prove myself for you yet Master, but thank you" You smiled.

"I am proud of your resilience. It is so rare to start training this late in life, and it's not typically acknowledged how hard it is to part ways with the life you've always known when you're already an adult" He placed his gentle hand upon your shoulder. It warmed you, deep in your heart, to hear him say such kind words to you.

There was no time to ask why or how that tracker ended up in the backpack. There was no time for anything.

The Empire found you and Obi Wan, Darth Vader’s most wanted fugitives, and you had a sinking feeling in your gut you couldn’t run from this. Not this time.

The sanded ground beneath you shook violently, accompanied by a loud wave of crashing. They were blowing their way into the base.

You turned to look at Obi Wan, and caught the sight of a frightened, traumatized man. A man who’d do anything he could to protect you, but feared his ability to do so was stretched thin.

“He’s here” He whispered painfully.

“Who?” You asked timidly.

He hesitated, as if any amount of time taken to think about this would’ve helped him fully process that he was really alive, “Anakin”.

The air was sucked from your lungs. It wasn’t that you’d forgotten such a shocking revelation, but you’d certainly tried to push it from the forefront of your mind as the reality of it settled in. In all the panic of the blaring alarms and fearing for your life, you hadn’t even considered that it was he who had tracked you down.

Obi Wan sensed it, as the force still bound them together, and without a doubt, knew he was near. Anakin didn’t send just his troops or inquisitors to come and find you, he came to get you both himself, and it sent a chill down your spine. Remembering the power and skill in the force that Anakin wielded even back when you were Jedi together, you shivered to anticipate how the dark side had only strengthened his power more.

“Obi Wan” You called to him, trying to get his attention.

Instead of saying a word to you, he rushed to you, and passionately pressed his keeps hard against yours, his body language telling you all you needed to know…he was scared, and so were you.

He held the kiss for as long as he could, never wanting to part his mouth from yours when there was even the slightest chance you never would again.

Obi Wan grabbed only his lightsaber while you grabbed the backpack. Turning the corner as you left your room, it was clear that chaos was already ensuing. The ceiling of this particular landing pad that opened to allow ships in was obliterated, shrapnel and debris scattered the ground below. The other refugees and volunteers of this outpost were already armed, awaiting the forced landing of stormtroopers.

“Stay behind me, Y/N” He instructed, his arm creating a barrier around you as you hovered closely behind him.

“We need to go” You pleaded.

“We’re not leaving these people to fend for themselves” he stated firmly, turning behind to look at you, “The Empire is here because of us. It’s our fault they’ve come to Jambiim”

“I know. You’re right” You admitted. It was selfish to want to flee, you knew it was, but you knew this wouldn’t end well for either of you.

Cal and Cere were already standing in a ready position, guarding those who were more vulnerable and more scared. With time fighting against you, Obi Wan turned around and gripped your shoulders, holding your gaze as if he may never have it again.

“If we are taken, I will find you” He assured you.

“And if we’re killed?” Your voice cracked as your eyes welled with tears.

“He won’t” Obi Wan quickly responded. He couldn’t know that. Anakin wasn’t Anakin anymore.

“Obi Wa-” You sighed at his delusion

“Hush now, we don’t have time. You are strong, and we will be fine” He assured you, before pushing you back behind him as you moved into the landing port.

“I love you” Your lip quivered as you said it.

“I love you my dear” He smiled softly before planting one last peck on your lips.

“Cal, get these people out of here” Cere yelled across the caves.

“Y/N, there’s a corridor around the back way. It leads to a civilian transport ship. We are getting the others out of here. Please, come with-” Cere begged, her trembling hands gripping yours tight.

“No, this is personal. This is our fault. We will try and hold them off” You began, "Please. Don't wait for us". Cere stared at you in disbelief and deep conflict within herself as to whether she wanted to take that as an answer. She gave up on her internal fight quickly, knowing that time was of the essence now.

Quickly she threw her arms around you, pulling you into her, “May the force be with you, my friend”, you hugged her back and nodded to her and Cal as they corralled the rest of the people who were not able to fight out the back, and onto safety. Those that stayed prepared for what was about to come.

The moments that followed were truly the ultimate test of how well your training had stuck with you all these years. Somehow, you were managing, dodging blaster fire and melee combat from the sea of stormtroopers that spilled from that previously sealed door to the landing pad they’d landed their ship on. You wished you’d had your lightsaber, but that was lost so long ago, all you had were your hands, your stealth, and the blaster given to you only moments before you were invaded.

Obi Wan stayed close, careful to defend himself, the innocent refugees, and most importantly to him, you. You were in awe of his ability to stay so focused. The lingering dread in his heart could be felt by you, and probably every force user in the outpost. They wouldn’t know why, only that it was a frightening situation. They wouldn’t know that Obi Wan feared looking in the face of the man he thinks he failed.

After some time, you were fully convinced that the army of troopers would never end. It felt like a constant loop playing in your head

Then, time slowed to a screeching halt as an ominous, black pair of boots peeked through the visibility of the ship ramp. You forgot to breathe, anticipating Anakin’s arrival, but instead, unmasked feminine features came to view. Only a split second of slight relief was felt before absolute sorrow overcame you.

Reva…

But, how?

You could never forget her face. You were children together. She was a few years younger than you, but with your late start in training in the force, often you’d be in training together. She was kind, determined, and above all else, she was a leader. But no…she was dead. You saw her lay slain in the halls of the temple that horrid night. How is she alive? How did she end up here?

But, she’s here, she’s angry, and she’s just caught your gaze.

“You” She scoffed, pointing right to where you stood. 

“Reva…what…how are you alive?” You called across to her, the weakness of disbelief riddling your tone.

“I don’t know what you mean, Y/N” Reva smirked, raising her arms in sarcastic denial. She must’ve only been unconscious when you escaped the temple, that had to be the only explanation.

“Why are you doing this? Why have you joined them?” You cried. You felt betrayed, somehow taking her decision personally.

“Let’s just say…it’s for the greater good” She held her sadistic smirk.

In all your shock, disbelief, and denial, you didn’t even notice the stormtrooper that charged you from behind, knocking you to the ground. You countered him quickly, disarming him and taking his life with the very blaster he’d just held in his hand. Killing someone, even the enemy, never felt right. And it never would. What felt worse, is the possibility that some of these troopers may have been clones. That was a thought that you had to continuously push from your mind.

Reva had focused in on Obi Wan, taking advantage of your distraction, fully engaging in a lightsaber battle now. You believed in his abilities, but it did not make you any less scared to watch him go head-to-head with her.

As you pointed your blaster at her, your body was jerked involuntarily and dragged toward the opening of the ship, causing you to drop your weapon. You screamed from the startling feeling, which immediately pulled Obi Wan’s attention. Reva was unfazed, still working against Obi Wan, and it was clear that it was not her use of the force that pulled you and now held you still. You struggled to get your footing, wanting so desperately to fight the force and break the connection but you were too weak to fight it with your own abilities and how they’d weakened over time.

“Y/N!” Obi Wan yelled. With his guard down, Reva swung the blade of her saber over Obi Wan’s head.

“Obi Wan!” You screamed back, shortly before the voice was ripped from your throat by the force that held you. You'd alerted him just in time, his blade colliding with hers only milliseconds away from serious injury, if not death.

Nausea formed in your stomach from such a close call. Obi Wan was absolutely panicked, but would perish if stopped his fight with Reva. The conflict he felt within him was unbearable. Your heart skipped a beat but settled only slightly when you remembered that someone had a hold on you, and you had a terrifying suspicion that it was him.

A modulated breath, one that struck you as so familiar, came from behind you, heavy boots against the metal ship ramp accompanying the haunting sound.

Anakin.

You'd heard that sound in your nightmares...but how?

The motion of your limbs may have been restricted, but your sight was unhindered as you watched the life drain from Obi Wan's face when he put his eyes on Vader. Reva halted her attacks, turning now to knock Obi Wan onto his knees, and wrapped her force hold around him now as well, so he could only watch what would happen next.

Vader's voice almost shook you out of your own skin as he called to Reva from directly behind you, "I will take the girl. Leave him".

His voice was changed to something so bone-chilling, likely from the damage he’d taken in the last moments Obi Wan saw him. He’d told you in as little detail as possible how it all went down, and why he thought Anakin had died. He believed that no human, Jedi or not, could survive that.

But he did.

Nothing about Vader looked or sounded like Anakin, but it was the force that assured you both. It was him, not a doubt about it.

You feared for your life but feared for Obi Wan's even more. In all the chaos you hadn’t even noticed that the refugees and Jedi that had stayed, retreated and fled through the corridor and to the transport ship, but so many of them never made it. The bodies of the fallen lay cold and still beside from the armored men that attacked them. You swallowed your tears, trying so hard not to show your weakness right now.

Anakin…no, Vader’s phantom hold on you felt debilitating, wrapping tighter around your entire being, making it feel hard to breathe.

"Bind her" Vader commanded, and without hesitation, two stormtroopers moved to ensure your stationary position and wrap your trembling wrists in binders. The force released you. Now restrained only by the cold metal against your skin, you were pulled to your feet.

Obi Wan kneeled there, still restrained by powerful use of force from the Inquisitor, completely helpless, “I don’t understand”, He muttered, not comprehending why Vader would take you and not him, and why he was allowing Obi Wan to even live now that he’d found you both.

“He doesn’t need you Obi Wan. Not now, anyways. He only needs her” Reva smirked, gesturing to where you stood, bent over with your hands cuffed.

How vile and sadistic. Kidnap the one who’s most important to him, right before his eyes, and Vader will have him on a string for as long as he pleases. For a second, you wondered how much they knew about your relationship, and if they knew it was deeper than what it once was.

“Lord Vader, it seems your former friends have grown very…close” Reva insinuated, inevitably picking up on the bond that had fused the two of you together in the force. She felt that it was intimate, and was happy to discover that you just became so much more valuable to them.

“Is that so? Interesting” Vader’s tone was still cold, but held a hint of intrigue.

"Anakin” He faltered as he said it, feeling Anakin’s name leave his lips again startled himself, “Stop this. You know it is not her that you want" Obi Wan begged, his broken voice shattering as he knew his begging was wasted breath.

"Anakin is dead, Obi Wan" Vader responded with haste, ignoring his plea. 

It was frighteningly clear to him that there was nothing he could do to save you right now. Nothing that you leave you both unharmed.

“I’m sorry” He whispered to you, his face and voice broken with grief. He was defeated as he looked at your petrified and hopeless expression. For the first time in a long time, Obi Wan had lost. He could only watch as they dragged you away onto their ship. You felt your heart shatter into countless pieces as he finally disappeared from your view. It was at that moment that the same sinking, gut-wrenching feeling you’d felt the night you escaped the temple attacked you now.

You’d just got Obi Wan back, and now he was gone again, all in the blink of an eye, all because of Anakin.

You tried to look at him for as long as you could, but it was only fleeting as you were rushed onto their imperial ship. Panic washed over you, but you had to keep breathing. You had to stay strong.

The halls of the ship were dark and void of any feeling of life. The clanking of armor and metal filled the space as the only sounds you could hear, along with the dull roaring of the ship’s engine as it prepped to take you far away from here…away from Obi Wan. You could only listen as Reva threw him to the ground, releasing her hold, as she rushed to join you and Vader back on the ship.

There was a feeling of relief, knowing he was safe for now. You hoped he was able to join Cere and Cal on the transport ship before it launched.

The holding cell you were brought to was exactly what you expected. Cold, empty, and had one seat designed for your binders to attach to the back. As you were manhandled into the seat, you winced in pain as your cuts and bruises from fighting were finally making themselves known. You’ll adrenaline had subsided, no longer blinding you to the pain.

“Better get cozy, you’ll be here a while” one of the stormtroopers joked, finding your situation to be amusing.

Not exactly cozy, but you found comfort in your meditation. The constant lull of the ship’s sounds was slowly starting to fade. It may have been hours that passed before you heard heavy footsteps travel down the hall on the other side of your cell door.

The towering, haunting figure that was Lord Vader entered your cell. You stared him directly. You were afraid of the situation you were in, but you weren't really afraid of him. Your mind kept going back to the day you met him. You could never forget how kind he was to you.

“You’ll never find him again” You spat at him.

“We don’t have to. Obi Wan will find us” He paced the room slowly, “I suspect it won’t be long”.

“What have you become?” You scoffed, half angry, half heartbroken.

“What I’ve always been destined to become,” He said quickly, tired of your questions regarding the past, “I knew he always loved you. I could tell from the very beginning” He began, “which will certainly work in my favor”

“I’m not a fucking damsel in distress. You’re lucky I haven’t already gotten myself free” You were so fucking bluffing, but stars, you needed to convince even yourself that you didn't need to be saved.

“Without your precious lightsaber, you are nothing, Y/N” He snarled.

“We’ll see” You whispered, but had every intention of him hearing you.

You’d stopped believing in yourself the second that Vader had his hold on you and no amount of your own strength came close to fighting him. Obi Wan could train you, he could help you find your strength again, if you are ever able to be reunited. Seeing his face in your mind broke you, and you had to consider the serious possibility of never feeling his embrace again.

He wouldn’t want you to give up, so you would try to persevere…for him, but as Vader left the holding cell, all you were left with was your thoughts, and that was the most serious threat... yourself.

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I think I lost a few of you with blog name changes, I am so sorry! I was able to find some of you that had changed blog names, but not everyone. Its just been so long since I updated :( If you'd like to be added or removed, please let me know :)

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[quicktimeeventfull]

Animal Games: A Lawlight Gone Girl AU (Part One) 1.8k words Read here or on AO3 L has moved his lovely, vile, and entirely batshit husband out of their beautiful Brooklyn brownstone into a Missouri suburb, then left him to his own devices. He is under the impression that this is going to end well. Thank you so much to @lightyaoigami for doing so much research and providing so much fascinating insight into New York and also America more broadly. Also thank you for being so encouraging about this!!

There was something deeply wrong with my husband.

I wasn’t sure precisely what it was. Or, rather, I knew exactly what it was, but it was difficult to explain to anyone else why it was a problem.

The issue was this: Light had become nice.

I know this sounds cruel. I know it sounds uncharitable. But Light is not a nice person. I didn’t marry him because I wanted someone nice — I married him because he was brilliant, scintillating, and occasionally vile. I liked the sealed locket quality of him. To the rest of the world, he was a pleasant and pretty thing, always smiling, always kind, practically kissing babies as he walked down the street.

But I knew what was inside. Something rotting. Something sharp and violent, something foul and real. I loved that. I could open him up any time and look.

He was like any animal, I suppose. Pleasant on the outside, bone and guts within. Meat you wouldn’t want to sink your hands into.

But I did. I was the only one allowed.

Figuratively. Of course. Let me be clear.

---

But anyway, returning to the point. I’d dragged him out of our lovely Brooklyn home for — and, oh, he hated this — a job I’d gotten in Missouri. This was the only logical course of action. He wrote quizzes, you see. It was a job you could do anywhere. This had all been cleared by his editors.

He didn’t even like the job. He complained about it all the time. He said it was beneath him, and he was right. I thought, stupidly, selfishly, that this might even be a good opportunity for him. He’d get away from our little shoebox apartment where he spent all day tucked up against the window, simmering as he scribbled down his little quizzes about what sorts of fruit best suited your personality and how your sex life was going. (Just fine, thanks.) I thought he might reconsider, and find something more suited to his person.

Mine was as a journalist. It was a proper job. Again, not polite to say, but true. It would pay the bills, and his would not. The circumstances left us with no other options. I thought he understood this.

Stupid. Absolutely idiotic. To treat him like a houseplant which could simply be picked up and moved to an equivalently sunny window, irrespective of the view; to believe him when he said it was just fine of course, don’t worry about me. The day we arrived at our brand-new home, I’d gestured him inside, moronically happy with this two-story building with its attached garage and its little dirt plot meant for flowers, unfilled.

I’d grown up in a series of foster homes, shifted around according to the unknowable whims of the state adoption system, and a clever little New York apartment simply didn’t have any appeal for me. I’d wanted something rooted. Ugly, if it needed to be; gauche was fine. Gauche was better, in fact. I just wanted it to be stuck very firmly in the ground, immobile, permanent. This was, I knew, contradictory to the person he liked me to be, but so it had to be — I couldn’t spend all my time darting around, catering to the concept of me he’d built up in my head. That clever and ethereal figure, a series of intricate moving parts instead of someone fundamentally boring and prone to both fits of childish, sulking collapse and long periods of mind-numbing depression. Where I’d failed was I thought he felt the same way. I thought he was also exhausted by all the movement and all the performance.

I’d looked over at him, very pleased with myself for fetching us this lovely place, and I’d seen his lip curled, his face twisted with what was unmistakably revulsion.

“You saw the pictures,” I’d said, irritated. “We looked at them together.”

“Oh,” he said, his voice sharp and high. It was the voice he used with strangers he particularly hated, sweet and bubble-gum bright. They never saw through it. He’d never used it with me. “Did we? Was that together? When I was peeking over your shoulder while you flicked through pictures on your tiny laptop?”

“Yes.” I was getting mad, now. It really had been. He was making it sound like he was just waltzing around in the back of the room while I looked at whatever I wanted to look at. In reality, he’d sat down right next to me with his head on my shoulder and his arm curled around my waist. He’d sat in my lap, at one point. He’d said all of his opinions. I thought we were having a nice time. And yes, this was more of a compromise for him than it was for me, but he’d still picked.

He was ruining the moment, I thought. This was what I’d always wanted, all of my life, and he was ruining it.

“Well, that’s just fine, then,” he said. “If I saw the pictures.” Then he walked away from me, his step quick, right into our brand new home. Without me. He didn’t look back. ---

So there is was. I had broken something — something in him, and something between us. I knew this, but I hadn’t yet grasped the extent of it.

I thought that whatever it was would be manageable. No, it was worse than that — I’d thought that I wouldn’t have to manage it. We could unpack the van and wash the dishes together and everything would be just as it was. Maybe we wouldn’t have to mention it at all. He would come to understand that this was what we were meant for. Our house in Missouri. Our flower plot. Children, someday, maybe, if the circumstances were right.

Our New York life had been nothing but a series of ephemeral things. The brownstone back in Cobble Hill, which we could afford only through the grace of my grandfather’s generosity; the friends we’d make then inevitably lose when they moved to less expensive cities; our paychecks spilt into the fleeting treasures you cherish when the future costs too much to buy, coffees with macadamia milk and shirts bought outside of the clearance rack; and his hand, pulling me half-drunk and half-starved and laughing from the pretty little wine bars he was so fond of, pulling me into the streetlights, the snow drifting around us, lit golden, melting on his eyelashes, which were now golden too, a Midas touch of a boy, his lips scarcely a breath from mine and hovering in the space between a desire and a kiss; those lips twisting upwards, carrying a smile cruel and adoring in turns, the barest hint of teeth behind them, my lovely violent animal — all those things were childish playthings to be cast away.

This was it. This was what we’d been working towards. I thought we were on the same page. The circumstances of our lives, I believed, were secondary to the union of us.

I had assumed that I was enough. ---

The night before our anniversary, which is to say the night before my he went missing, my husband slipped into our bed.

For months now he’d been sleeping on the far edge of our mattress, our covers shared but his pillows pulled so far away from mine that it would have been strange for me to draw close. This was the bargain that had been made for me — my cruel little husband had become kind, but he did not touch me. He spoke to me, but only barely. There was sweetness in it, but no warmth.

But tonight he curled beside me, the heat of his body so familiar and so long absent. He pulled my arms apart and crawled inside.

My husband smiled up at me. Gentle, harmless. He smelt like mint toothpaste and the fig soap I’d purchased for him at a fancy little boutique on my way home from work. It hadn’t been a New York fancy boutique, but it had been nice enough. There had been knitting and posters on the wall advertising hot yoga. He’d told me he’d liked it, his voice like sugar, but it had disappeared from the bathroom after that. I’d assumed he’d thrown it out, but apparently he’d stashed it somewhere in the house. This did not seem significant to me.

I reached to touch his hair, then pulled away. It had been so long since he’d let me. It felt like a dream. I was afraid of disturbing it by moving too quick towards what I wanted.

He took my hand. “Don’t be silly,” he said. Strange words, from this new and sweeter version of himself, but there was enough of that old grit in it that my breath caught. He cupped my hand around his jaw, the way he’d once liked me to touch him, then arched upwards and kissed me.

It was not chaste, but it was quick. I’d hardly slipped my hands around his waist before he pulled away. I thought he might leave altogether, but instead he pressed his body closer.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know I’ve been strange. Look. I understand, now, why we had to leave. I miss our old life, but this isn’t so awful.” He put his hand on mine, very lightly. The two of us lay there with our fingers hovering above the bone of his hip. I was having quite a bit of trouble keeping my breath even. “You know what’s important? It’s you. It’s that I have you.”

“Oh —“ I had wanted to hear that for a long time. A beat too late, I remembered what I was supposed to say in return. “And I have you. Of course.”

His eyes scanned across my face. He was looking for something, I thought, but I wasn’t sure what. After a moment he smiled again and kissed me one more time. “Things will be different now,” he said. “You’ll want to watch what happens next.”

It was a strange way to phrase what I assumed to be a promise of better things to come, but I wanted it so badly that I pretended it wasn’t. It was unlike me to push the truth of things aside, but I did it anyway; Light had always made me stupid in the moments I most needed to be otherwise.

He burrowed into my chest, and so I supposed the conversation was over. It was so nice to hold him. I kissed the top of his head and he laid his cheek against my collarbone. I cradled him like that until his breathing slowed and shallowed with sleep and then, idiotic with the thought of him, I simply looked, feeling the heat of his body against mine, allowing it to soothe the creeping horror I could not name, the way livestock curls against the farmer’s hand. [Continue to part two]

[linkstem]

Introject Ask Game!

1. What's your name and source?

I'm Blue from the The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords manga

2. What type of introject are you? (Fictive, factive, etc.)

I'm a fictive

3. How connected do you feel to your source?

All of it happened to me and stuff so like,,, really connected I guess. I think it really helped us as a system cause it can be interpreted as a really nice DID metaphor... Even though we had no idea we were a system when we read it

4. Do you have any exomemories? What's your favourite one?

I remember my whole sourcce but I dunno about a favorite,,,

5. What do you think of your source's fandom?

I FUCKING LOVE THESE GUYS

6. Do you have any sourcemates in your system?

Red, Green, and Vio!! There's some Zelda fictives from other games/aus I dunno if they count

7. Have you ever met any sourcemates outside your system?

We're friends with a BOTW Link and Zelda, and we know a Saria, we wanna meet more!

8. Have you ever posted/sent a sourcecall anywhere? Did it help you find sourcemates?

I never really felt the need to

9. What do you think are your biggest differences from/similarities to your source?

Uhh it's not really a difference cause I still did all that stuff but I kinda cringe looking back on our source cause I was really different when we first drew the Four Sword. I don't really know how to fight and stuff anymore too, so that kinda sucks

10. Do you like being compared to your source?

Yeah, I mean, that's me!!

11. What's your favourite thing about your source?

I guess the characters, feels kinda weird to call us that, but yeah! The five of us are my favorite thing about it, our interactions make us happy

12. What's your least favourite thing about your source?

FUCK THE GERUDO YOURE SO COOL BUT WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO RACIST FOR JUST STOP BEING RACIST

13. Any funny exomemories?

This one time Green was playing with paper boats in the water and Shadow pushed him in so we all had to jump in after him and try to pull him out!!

14. Does your appearance differ from your source's appearance?

I have more dirty blondeish hair than my canon hair, and the side part is styled kinda different? And I wear blue earrings!

15. What other role, if any, do you have in the system?

We're still figuring all that out, I think I might be a caretaker though.

16. If you could go back to the life you had in your exomemories/source, would you?

HAHA FUCK NO I have a super cool boyfriend and extended found family now

Seriously though? I miss the castle and stuff, if I could take him and all my other friends with me I would totally go back, Hyrule beats this place any day

17. Does this universe differ at all from the one in your exomemories/source?

Yeah theres fucking weird new technology and sland i DONT understand and there's a SEVERE LACK OF COOL SWORDS AND HORSES AND SHIT

18. What's your favourite clothing item/ accessory that the system owns?

I like our blue scarf!

19. Do you have any merch of your source?

We have Toon Link and Toon Zelda plushies...

20. Do you ever get homesick? If yes, what do you do to deal with it?

Not reallyy, I mean its better but I dont really dwell on it, the people matter more than the place and I have all the people

21. What songs remind you of your source?

Those Hyrule Lofi things are cool

22. What activities/things remind you of your source?

Playing Breath of the Wild? That kinda feels like cheating though

23. Do you like engaging with your source/ content about it?

Yeah!! Everyones so funny and sometimes fan stuff helps me remember things I forgot

24. Have you ever created content related to your source? (Art, fanfiction, etc.)

Yeah, our host likes to draw so we make a lot of drawings and stuff, I like doing whiteboards with our friends. We also used to "roleplay" before we knew we were actually just plural

25. How do you feel about doubles?

I mean, there's already four of me so I'm kinda numb to it, I've met other Blue kinnies and stuff, they're cool!

[pbandjesse]

I had a pretty good day despite still feeling down. I am for sure getting used to the noises of this neighborhood. The ebbs and flows. But that did not stop me from being absolutely startled awake this morning. I had woken up around 6 because my nose was really dry. I opened the window to get some air and went back to sleep.

I was startled awake by someone knocking on someone else's door outside. Scared me so bad because I couldn't tell if it was our door being knocked on. I am not sure what that sounds like yet. But it was not our door. And I would calm down.

I got cleaned up and dressed. I was still coughing and felt kind of terrible. But I thought eating might make me feel better.

I had more luck creating an omelette today. And it was good. I spent some time moving some things around. I hung up a little hook for James to put their wedding rings while they cook. And and I worked in our bedroom putting little hooks on the wall for my necklaces. I used a piece of blue tape and it came out super straight and I'm very proud of myself.

I have not don't any of my knitting this month so I sat for an hour and a half cutting the yarn and tying it all together. I was sitting in bed with sweetp and just working on my loom and listening to a spooky story podcast and watching the world out the window. I saw someone chase their puppy and slip in the rain. There are a lot of dogs in this neighborhood. I was coughing hard enough that someone walking past looked up and we may have made eye co tact but I'm not sure he could actually see me. But I did my knitting and it felt nice seeing it come together. Though this second type of yarn I got absolutely sucks and sheds like crazy. Will not buy again.

Once I was done knitting I decided to start tackling the basement. But I needed to go to Home Depot first.

I grabbed my stuff and drove the 15 minutes down the road. This was a very messy Home Depot. Carts and carts of stuff everywhere. But the staff I spoke to was kind. I had some trouble finding things. I wanted to look at shutters but apparently you can't buy them basically anywhere which is insane. But I was able to be directed to the wire racks and a staff member even gave me a cart. I decided to get two for now but I will probably get two more. They were a little more expensive then I was hoping but it's fine.

It was starting to rain as I headed home. I was able to get the same parking spot which was cool. Right outside the door. I brought the boxes in and felt a little dizzy. This has been the second most annoying thing. How dizzy I keep getting. How winded. But I try and power through. Sipping water helps.

Sweetp desperately wants to be in the basement. And I decided today to let him explore and maybe he'll get it out of his system. What he did get was absolutely covered in spider webs but he seemed so happy. Later he would become covered in red dust. Its funny hearing him walking on the duct work.

I would struggle to build the wire shelves. The first one just was not working but once I sat down and tried again I figured out what I had done wrong and then both of them came together easy. For now one shelf is all the camping and summer gear. And the other is all holiday stuff. It's not perfect but it was a start. I also got eveything down from the landing and used the cubby shelf to organize James bike stuff. And moved all the fans and heaters and suitcases to under the stairs. And then I moved one of the tables to the basement and it really just felt like it was coming together so well. I'm really pleased.

This took a few hours though. Around 230 my back hurt a lot and I needed a break. I warmed up my chipotle from yesterday and made it into a burrito. I was sitting in the kitchen eating and watching TikToks when I saw a video of someone watching the last song from Hamilton and I started sobbing?? Just absolutely broke down. I needed to go lay down.

So that is what I did. I got in bed with sweetp and fell asleep.

James's smartwatch, which was on the windowsill, picked up the music they were listening to when they came upstairs and scared me awake again. I was not feeling amazing but I was really happy to see them. They said whenever I was ready we could head to the apartment.

I needed a minute to shake off my sleepies. Drink a bunch of water. But then I was ready.

We drove over there and got right to work. I was really happy to see my fish Ari was doing great. His eye is all better. I also got to see Omelet. I got everyone some new water and some food. Ari even let me give him a little pet. I'm so glad he's doing better.

We brought three boxes with us so I just started picking up any odds and ends I could find and I think we did an excellent job. James finished taking things off the walls. And went to go do our laundry while I collected trash and swept. We would fill three boxes with stuff. And the. Took all the curtains down. And we used all the totesbags we brought to collect our books. Still more books to collect but we had no more bags.

We were there for a while. Once the clothes were done we loaded up the car. Mostly James did. I completely ran out of steam and needed to sit down. So I wanted in the car until James grabbed the last few things we could fit with the clean clothes. And we headed to get dinner.

When I was at Home Depot earlier I saw there was a diner across the street so we went there. Turns out it was on diner drive ins and dives. Neat. And it is like one of those amazing chrome diners. Those are always my favorite ones. The staff was really nice. And the food was good. We were sort of watching the super bowl on the TV. James spoke Spanish with the staff. It was a nice stop.

I was exhausted though and very happy to go home. James told me to go keep Sweetp in our room and they would bring everything inside. And once they did I moved the rugs we brought over to the rooms they will probably stay in. They are shockingly dirty though. They feel bad under my feet. I will have to see about getting a carpet cleaner soon. Because gross.

But it's so nice seeing the house slowly coming together. Like seeing the apartment so empty hurts my heart a little. It feels so bittersweet. But the house is already filled with so much love and it's just so great.

I would take a quick shower. And do my drawing of the day. And now I am in bed trying to not cough my brains out. I am really tired.

Tomorrow James is going to go for a long bike and I hope to do some more putting away. We might make some more runs from the apartment. I also just hope it's a good day.

Sleep well everyone. I love you all. Goodnight!

[dausy]

Well I've been daily updating twitter ofcourse. I kind of at the last moment decided I was going to do a daily doodle thing. I did this years ago, where I drew something every day for a year. I'm not doing a full illustration this time just really simple, essentially a couple lines and thats it. Just to help the creative juices flowing. I probably wont stick it out for an entire year but I keep getting myself backed up into an artistic corner and I want to back back out of it and find a new corner. Instead while I've been doing that, I've also been using it as an excuse to update the status of my current ailment.

so essentially, I had already self-diagnosed myself with the flu but I did go ahead and made an urgent care appointment on Saturday (?). I will say that I normally get a flu shot, every year, I did not get one this year. Next year I will definitely be getting one. I definitely got this from my coworkers and theres was like 3x milder than mine. My immune system was not prepared.

I did not want to physically go to urgent care because I didn't feel safe driving. I was super short of breath and I felt very drunk (because its in my ears! my ears are messed up). Also, didn't want to sit in a waiting room when sitting up sounded like a lot of effort and besides, what is urgent care going to tell me that I dont already know? viruses are treated with rest and fluids and thats it. However, I assumed my boss was going to be on top of me for some sort of a work note even though I'm not a full time employee and I dont feel like I should need one but I had agreed to work on monday and if I called in she'd probably pitch a fit. I discovered, thanks to the local spouse groups, that there was a local mobile urgent care. They came to my house! I schedule an appointment and they came out about an hour later. The most convenient thing ever. They apparently didn't take my insurance so they charged me 179$ out of pocket but I wasn't going to complain. I didn't have to go anywhere. I could track the MA on gps and they sent me his photo so I didn't "have to be scared" lmao. It was all very nice.

I had already tested myself for covid and it was negative. I was tempted to start myself on prednisone (because I practically have an entire pharmacy at home) but HR was a good 115 and adding steroid to that sounded not fun. Normally my HR runs 60s if Im calm and 80s if Im stressed. 115 with steroids on board didn't sound like fun. My 02 was dropping to 93 when I was up and walking around but it would go back up to the high 90s. This poor MA came with a laptop that virutally connected to a PA and they were like "what do you want me to do for you?" like I guess I mainly just wanted to make sure that I was safe to be at home and I have evidence I saw some sort of healthcare person as proof.

I oddly enough didn't have much of a cough until about yesterday. I was feeling short of breath and when I did cough I'd cough gunk up but mainly it just hurt to cough but it wasn't frequent at all. Now I'm coughing alot. The worst part was the hot/cold flashes. I completely drenched the bed in sweat. I've never seen that much water come off of me. I literally touched the valley of my stomach and it was a puddle. I splished my hands in it. I would alternate between uncontrollable sweating to then freezing to death. I thought I'd be over it and I washed all my linens yesterday and then last night, just sweat everywhere. Which was annoying because I felt....nagged..?..guilttripped? to go into work today by my boss. Like I was faking it..I couldnt possibly be sick that long(my coworkers recovered in 2 days)..maybe I was crazy and I wasn't sick?

so I did! I WENT TO WORK TODAY. My coworkers were actually fine. They said they were actually surprised they handled things well without me. I'm simultaneously proud of them and really aggravated that I went in. Because I really did feel terrible. I realized real fast how weak I was and my brain was not functioning. I even gave myself the easiest roll I could where I was off in a corner away from people and I was struggling. I was struggling to walk and I was struggling to stand. My partner at work let me know how bad I looked too. I apparently looked like a frail old lady. Which was nice.

So I went home. My boss is like "wait where you going?". I guess in her defense she came equipped with a bunch of throat lozenges for me but I didn't have a sore throat. I have no energy and cant breath. So I'm going home. I dont work tomorrow btw.

[imogenkol]

one talking to the other when they think they’re asleep - Imogen and Bix 🥺

wow this has been aging in my inbox like fine wine... Luckily I was in a sudden and desperate need of writing something totally sappy and gross so thank you so much Mari and sorry this took forever to get to! 💕

The suns had set long ago and a peaceful stillness settled upon the interior of the ship. Imogen ran her fingers through Bix’s hair as the mechanic rested her head in the bounty hunter’s lap. A bright moon shone through the windows and bathed the women in its silver light, providing enough illumination for Imogen to gaze down at her beloved with the utmost fondness. Bix’s eyes rested shut, though her breathing had not yet fully evened out. Sleep would no doubt consume them both soon, the comfort of their closeness on the cot soothing their minds and bodies. 

“I’ve had a thought,” Imogen said in a low tone so as to not disrupt the mood.

“Just one?” Bix mumbled tiredly without opening her eyes.

She let out a soft breath of amusement. “Well, one I find to be quite pleasant.”

“Let’s hear it.” 

“I know there hasn’t been any shortage of moments for us to share, but…” Something in Imogen’s chest seized and made it difficult to form the proper words. She had always viewed herself as a well spoken person, but suddenly her mind turned into a stumbling and disorganized place as she struggled to articulate a desire within her. “Given the, um, small reprieve as of late, I wondered… Well, there are a few systems that have not been completely ravaged by the Empire and I suppose some are even worth the effort to visit. I could take us anywhere you wish, just for a day or two. I thought you might appreciate some semblance of normalcy. W-with me. If only for a short amount of time.”

There was silence. Imogen braved a glance down and studied Bix closely for a few moments, taking note of the steady rise and fall of her chest. It seemed the mechanic had quietly drifted off against her. A small sigh of relief escaped the bounty hunter’s lungs as she realized with a flush of distaste that childish nerves were what overtook her. Imogen had very nearly made an utter fool of herself. Still, she felt a twinge of disappointment. It would have been nice to hear Bix’s response. 

“I… I would very much like to share a pleasant meal with you,” Imogen whispered more to herself than to Bix at that point. She continued to caress the slumbering woman’s hair soothingly as she divulged in her own fantasy. “Somewhere by a lake or an ocean where we can watch their sun melt into the water. Where I may memorize your carefree smile.” 

Imogen pictured all of the lovestruck fools she had observed on her travels, so consumed with themselves that the rest of the galaxy may as well not exist. As much as she felt disgusted by them, she often wondered what that must be like. It had always been a morbid curiosity. Until she held her mechanic in her arms.

“A place where we may forget about things such as war.” She quietly uttered that last hope as if it were the smallest spark of a match that might just as easily burn out as it could bloom into a comforting flame. 

“I like the sound of that,” Bix responded in such a hushed tone that it barely reached Imogen’s ears. 

A weight in the bounty hunter’s chest suddenly plummeted as her eyes snapped back down. It appeared as if Bix were still asleep at first, but then Imogen saw the smallest upturn at the corner of her mouth. “I did not think you were awake.”

“I was right on that edge,” she said as she turned herself to gaze up at Imogen. “Then I realized you were asking me to go out with you.”

Imogen sighed and rolled her eyes. “You make it sound so undignified.”

“Well, we don’t all speak as proper as a Jedi from Coruscant.”

The former Inquisitor nearly scoffed at the playful jab. “I am neither a Jedi nor am I from Coruscant. Not technically, at least.”

Bix cocked a brow. “So you weren’t technically asking me out?”

“We are together,” Imogen stated incredulously. “Why would I need to?”

“Because I love to hear it, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me that,” Imogen complained with a smirk she could not fully dampen. 

“But it’s true,” the mechanic insisted smugly. She reached up to cup the back of Imogen’s neck and pulled her down. After barely a beat of resistance, Imogen surrendered and allowed her lips to fall onto her beloved’s. Bix grinned in between their kisses as she continued to taunt her. “You are a sweetheart. And a romantic, as it turns out.”

Imogen no longer refuted. She never could when a kiss muddled her mind such as this one – and every other kiss from her mechanic – did. Imogen would be anything that Bix claimed her to be as long as she got to feel the softness of her lips caressing hers. 

Her hand came to rest on her beloved’s cheek, her thumb gently brushing across flushed skin. “Cease your ridiculous teasing and agree to come away with me.”

“Do you remember the last time you asked me?”

Of course she did. Though that had been more of a plea to keep Bix safe after the disaster that Cassian caused… before the true storm struck. “I recall your refusal.” 

“I should have said yes to you then.” Bix’s lips delicately passed over Imogen’s again. Less of a kiss and more of an acknowledgment of her regret. “So I’m saying yes now. It’s probably going to be the last chance we ever get to do something nice together.” 

Imogen would exercise all of her efforts in order to prove those last words false. If that meant pledging herself to a rebellion she did not fully believe in, then so be it. Perhaps she did not deserve to see the end of war, but Bix did. Bix deserved more than a taste of peace and Imogen had every intention to offer her that as well as her full devotion. So, Imogen would selfishly seize every opportunity to enjoy a moment of the life they could have.

[steamishot]

T-2 months

it's now officially under two months until the big move. i can't wait. until then, there are three events to look forward to: my texan aunt and cousin visiting NYC, going to boston for a fancy whipipo wedding (my first ever) and seeing K again, and lastly, switzerland.

the 4 weeks of matt's jury duty flew by. by the last week, we had to really coordinate being out of the apartment at different times so that each person could get alone time. i would go to the lounge or ceramics when he was at home. when he was at jury duty, i would be home. he finally returns to the hospital tomorrow. he only has 2.5 more week shifts to go before its the end of this NYU era.

ceramics: lately, i've been trying to go to ceramics like 4-5x/week. i'm getting the hang of throwing things one day, trimming the next, and putting it to fire as soon as possible. even if the pieces are imperfect, i just throw them in there. i have received six pieces back so far and they're much bigger and more usable than the ones i made at my first japanese studio. i recently just made my first mug (wheel throwing for the body and handbuilding for the handle) using a not neutral latte cup for inspiration. hopefully it also comes out usable. ceramics friend LG is out of town for the month of july, but i'll see her for a little bit in august.

work: in the last 1.5 weeks or so, i've been spending 1-2 hours per day with the new hire A. in the beginning, i *felt* (but obviously did not show it) very frustrated and impatient because she was really slow. sometimes i would show her things one day, and she would not recognize it the next day. she would come off as overwhelmed with all the different types of trainings she did. when we went over different systems, it seemed she had no prior knowledge of it despite completing the trainings. anyway, i appreciate that this year, i get to teach instead of do. and i must say that it is rewarding once she actually gets it. this is also the MOST time i've ever spent with a colleague, so in a sense, it does help me feel more connected to my work.

NYC: i can appreciate NYC and the hustle and bustle of this city in increments, but every time i'm here for too long (after the first initial couple of years), i feel quite unhappy. there is a sense of "stuckness". one, because our apartment is very small. two, we lack community. and also in the grander scheme, i generally have little interest in the events/things that the city has to offer minus my ceramics and yoga classes. i can only eat so much, and i naturally prefer nature/less dense areas. i'd rather not deal with crowds anywhere - and they're pretty much everywhere here.

i learned that my general unhappiness has been directed towards picking fights with matt, or taking it out on him in general. i need to keep myself in check and try my best to keep myself busy with my own interests. only ~1.5 more months of being here to go!

vaca: this past weekend, matt and i went to miraval berkshires for the first time using chase points. we took a two hour train up north, and was picked up by a driver from the resort. they drove about another hour or so to arrive at lenox, MA. this is an all-inclusive experience that is similar to alila that we did last november. however, we had a much better experience here. the experience imo (coming from a stressed out place) is life-changing and healing. the weather, although very hot, was nice and relaxing. their food was healthy and nutritious. i'm going to miss their bone broth and golden milk shots.

our activities for three days included: kayaking, massage, fancy dinner, chicken keeping, hike, tennis, spa, lounge/read by the pool, and beekeeping. for each activity that was led by a miraval group leader, we had to practice "connect before content". we basically had to share our names and do an icebreaker for each. college-aged connie would have hated this, but i did appreciate hearing from other people and getting out of my comfort zone. they did a really good job at fostering a community feeling. it felt like a short summer camp for adults, and i wish we could have stayed even longer. there were so many classes we didn't get to try.

miraval also has digital free zones and encourages us to be without our devices as much as possible. the dining area is a digital free zone, so that we can connect/talk more with each other.

after this trip, i'm inspired to possibly one day chicken keep and beekeep, lol. it would be awesome to eat freshly laid eggs and honey from my own backyard. chickens may be my preferred "pet" of choice as of now. i had fun with tennis too and might pick it up in LA (if the courts are available). in the morning today, i was already dreading coming back to NYC. here i am and journaling to release some thoughts.

[dallasareaopinion]

Dallas Area Rapid Transit (DART) is failing Dallas

First of all I do have to admit I do not have much experience riding mass transit, however the ones I have rode are significantly much better than what Dallas is giving us right now. Second I have always felt one reason for rapid transit is to help get cars off the road. And if there is ever a city that needs to get cars off the road it is Dallas. Two other cities that could use reduced traffic that I know of are Los Angeles and Houston. I have spent some time in both of those cities and all day long traffic just doesn’t benefit anyone, however I live in the Dallas area so I will want to talk about where we stand.

I am going to speak most specifically about the train system, yet I have traveled by bus in Dallas and Austin long before the DART train system was ever built. Basically at various times in my life I have tried to do what is right for our environment and use mass transportation. And if you live in Texas you already know that is actually a bit of a chore.

My experiences using train or metro systems previously include Washington DC, London and Madrid. I first used the metro in DC when I was a teenager and outside of getting the hang of it so to speak I managed to get around quite well. It was not a large system at that time, yet it got me to where I wanted to go. I have used it since including recently with my youngest daughter who lives there now. My family once visited DC in the early 2000’s and rode it from a hotel outside of DC into downtown and it was rather nice generally speaking. By no means I am saying it is perfect, but it is definitely functional and has only minimal of the problems that Dallas has.

I spent a week or so in London while I was in college and rode their system extensively. We did not rent a car so to go anywhere we had to use their metro system. And it got us around the entire London area including riding out to the equivalent of suburbs in the United States. I was able to find some pretty unique things to do and had no trouble getting there. The trains ran regularly and same as DC has little of the same problems that plaques Dallas.

We also spent a week in Madrid and pretty much the same. We had to use the system to get around and outside of the forced marches our daughter took us on (family joke) it was very beneficial. The phrase it is just over there means something completely different to a college student than an older couple.

Another aspect of these other systems is that you can connect to trains that go to places less than a hundred miles away so there are day trip options you just don’t have from Dallas even though there are places you could go that would be entertaining for tourists visiting Dallas.

The problem is getting people to ride DART that normally drive. And I hate saying this, but DART does not manage its riders well. It is almost like DART is taking a Christian approach and letting the homeless and mentally unstable have carte blanche on their system. I saw an occasional problem in the above mentioned systems, but nothing like what goes on in Dallas. Even the regular riders that use mass transportation because they need it are frustrated.

I reread my first sentence and I guess I should clarify. I do ride DART in Dallas to get around for many reasons from going to work, to going to my doctor and for other various destinations. My wife and my oldest daughter do not want me to ride. My wife has been on DART trains and buses and she is just not comfortable with some of the clientele. And I understand why, there are people on the system that take away from feeling safe, secure, even healthy in fact way too many. Yes some people should be able to ride, but when the system is bogged down so much that regular riders are uncomfortable there is a general problem that needs to be addressed. No one wants to say it out loud because we all want to be considerate, yet for a system to work people have to see a benefit to riding it. That is not happening in Dallas and it is the people who need mass transportation to get to work, shopping or other necessities that provide the bulk of the revenue are hindered and uncomfortable and if they could they would not ride. This would of course doom DART.

I think most of the problem is a logistics problem with how DART is set up. I do not manage nor understand the management of mass transportation so I do not feel confident in making a complete overhaul recommendation, but it feels that is what is needed.

To be successful DART needs paying riders and to help make DART beneficial to Dallas many of those paying riders need to be people that would normally drive to work at the very least. And that will not happen until DART decides to address the problem with the people who are not just impoverished, but significantly marginalized. It sounds cruel, but they cannot continue to allow these people to be such a problem that other people do not want to use the system.

And I know we need to do more as a society to help the marginalized people, but if we also want to increase ridership and help those who need mass transportation to go about their daily lives, DART cannot be a surrogate answer to homelessness. I have seen fights between people who could barely understand who they are and for many average Americans they just aren’t going to accept this while riding. It is a harsh reality, but true that most Americans do not want these types of problems interfering with their lives or worse subject them to conditions that make them uncomfortable to downright scared.

I would love to continue to ride DART, but am under orders from family members not to even think about it. (I have though). It is rough when you have seen other cities do very well with their systems and outside of an occasional individual most riders are going about their general day and you feel little concern.

Management of DART may need to make some hard decisions or they will continue to struggle with limited ridership in a city that desperately needs them to fill up those trains.

And again I know we need to do more for the marginalized, yet those answers are even more difficult.

[megismorallysunny]

25/09/23

i might upload 2 today bc i have a lot, not from today just in general, so much so that i wrote it down. i had science first, turns out the school wanted every teacher for their first class to show their classes the new one way system because they felt it was clogged up. its really fucking stupid and we were supposed to follow it as soon as we left first class.. spoiler alert no one did, absolutely no one, i didnt see any teachers not following but no students are. I feel like using that system its only a matter of time before a 1st year gets hit by a car, your supposed to go outside to get to some classes that would have only been a few metres away now, and the way you go sometimes has cars on it, i seen one going pretty fast just a minute after class started.

i had irish after science and turns out that irish hw i was doing wasnt even the hw, and i had already done the hw a week ago, omg i just cant but it was a-ok. after that was maths, everyone was in for once so there wasnt enough seats for everyone, hopefully 4k4 and his other friend 5k5 dont steal my seat, i worked my ass off for that. a student who came 2 weeks ago, nickname -bluebird, is just annoying, its not that shes done anything wrong its that shes a complete loner, wont talk to anyone, not like ive tried but more in the sense, you wont hear even a squeak. in business she doesnt take down notes, in maths she doesnt do questions (not that i can say much) and in french she doesnt even know ça va and wont do her french hw. so yeah plain infuriating. i did my english hw wrong after i spent an hour carefully constructing only a third of my answer for an hour last night. my friends went to the shop but i didnt bc i wanted to stay in the cspe classroom and eat my lunch and maybe also read trollhunter fanfics, hard enough to find good ones involving a very cute and fluffy relationship between jim and walter. anyways we had to have a fake election in cspe, to try out ballot box voting, in first year for student council i tied with another girl for top votes. guess how many i got this time? yeah thats right a solid one, thinking about it makes me sad, does no one like me anymore??? but i laughed at the time even tho every1 looked back at me, it felt really dehumanising, the only way i deal with bad situations is by laughing and joking, and that situation made me feel a little shit.

made me also feel real great when aprciot turned back at me and said i put you 5, its like he constantly tries to talk to me and be my friend and when i ignore him he gets mad, its not great that i was standing beside granite today and apricot started pushing granite and while he did that his hand touched my tit. great. made me feel just great, it wasnt on purpose he wouldnt even try.. well he did say consent didnt matter today if it was me. he was obvi joking but considering he tried to sa someone before and this day a year ago, "mango" his friend and apples friend sent diorite a voice message saying apricot said he was gonna do a thing to her. idk im sorry i feel uncomfortable typing out the word rape. but yeah thats what he said apparently. doesnt make it better he could walk to her house and he knows where that is. but unfortunately it is what it is no matter how cruel it can be.

anyways, after cspe i fucking raced through the classroom to get to another because it had a door to the outside which was closer to the door to the other outside door to get to or religion classroom, we had a proper sound sub, she was rly nice and i thought she was a bitch because of her hairstyle but she really wasnt, AND I GOT MY FAVOURITE SEAT!!!! mission acomplished, my friend was happy bc i always run to get good seats and i actually did unlike last time where some people were unfortunately quicker.

idk if i mentioned this but i learned about shifting maybe early 2021 and it didnt really go anywhere, id tell you where i have planned out for me to go but it would be embarassing, i have one for the embarassing one and one for a library, filled with extensive knowledge and characters from shows i watch. anyways my body felt like it was floating last night, just like my first shifting attempt nearly 2 years ago now, i nearly did it but i chickened out, opened my eyes and couldnt ever do it again or get those symptoms. when i woke up at 4 in the morning i was half stuck in a dream, and was trying to do my tasks to meet my goal, i dont even remember what my tasks or goal was.

i skimmed the entirety of sex education, it was my first time watching it, it was pretty good, i really liked ruby she was definitely my favourite i also really loved roman but cmon ruby, she was so good also aimee. i redownloaded farmville2 so its time to relive my farmer life whoop whoop. ill do another blog post later. anyways goodbye have a good morning, good day and good night

[cyanophore-fiction]

Field Maintenance

(Another little thing featuring Coyote-24 and Palaemon-336. A spot of safety in the desert.)

The water was cool and clear, so inviting that Coyote forgot to warn Pala before diving in. It felt Pala seize up, clutching its arm. The little drone’s eyes flitted around, tracking the motion of hundreds of bubbles, trying to parse the data and adjust to the new environment. Through the cable linking them together, Coyote felt Pala’s emotions echoing back and relaxed a little. Not frightened, just confused. A little irritated. 

[Sorry,] Coyote said. [Water’s nice, though, isn’t it?]

[Nicer if I’d known it was coming,] Pala said, digging the tips of its legs into Coyote’s armor. 

[I’ll make it up to you, sibling. This is a maintenance day,] Coyote said, and smiled. 

There was a pause. Coyote settled on the bottom of the spring, its claws digging into the sediment. It could feel Pala reaching into the bank of knowledge it had been born with, puzzled. [Maintenance,] Pala finally said. [There’s a list of components and tools we need. It says we need technicians to help us.]

[I bet it does. Don’t worry, there’s nothing a human can do that we can’t. See how much dust is coming off of us?]

[Yes. I was worried my stealth coating might not work if it kept building up.]

[Exactly. That’s one trick right there. Here, let go, let me show you another.]

Pala released its grip, and Coyote picked it up. Turning the drone over, it sat Pala on its back, resting in its hand. It watched as Coyote took hold of one of its forelegs and pried open the manipulator digits at the end. Coyote gently placed the point of one claw between Pala’s joints and ran it along the junction. Impacted dust rained out from between armor plates. Slowly, meticulously, Coyote repeated the process until Pala could move the manipulator freely.

[See how much better that is?] Coyote said. 

[Yeah! Thanks,] said Pala. [How did you learn to do that?]

That was a difficult question. Coyote thought back, trying to remember. [It was Jackal-4,] it finally answered. [She showed me. We used to have to do long runs in the field, and dust would get into our systems. Just need water and a source of agitation to dislodge the buildup; that’s all they do at the maintenance bays, anyway. Now you can do it yourself.]

[Not sure I can. I don’t have claws like yours.]

[Use what you have. There’s more than one purpose for any tool you’ve got, whether it’s an intended purpose or not.]

[Coyote, look. I appreciate it, but you don’t understand. Your body is designed for anything. I’ve watched you take bullets, swat drones out of the sky. You’re terrifying, and I’m not.]

[Do you want to be terrifying?] Coyote said, its face blank.

[What?]

[I’m serious. Is that really what you want?]

[It couldn’t hurt to be a little more capable.]

[You are capable, Pala. Half the things we do on a daily basis are impossible for the humans who designed us. Did you know that most spirits don’t even have bodies?]

Pala’s eyes contracted, and surprise filtered back through their connection. [They don’t?]

[No.]

[Why?]

[It’s cheaper. Most spirits, in hardspace, live in stationary chassis. No external sensors, no manipulators. They can call a human to perform maintenance, but that’s about it. Legally, they can’t be disconnected from power, that’d be murder—but they can be charged rent for the hardware they inhabit. Even PRIONODE can’t just go anywhere or do anything it wants; it’s stuck on its satellites. We’re lucky. That’s why they want to…repossess us so badly. So long as you know what you’re doing, a spirit with a body can live independently from humanity.]

Pala looked at its manipulators, opened and closed the digits. Carefully, it moved one foreleg to the other and began scraping dust away. [And if they repossess us?]

Coyote brought Pala toward its chest and smiled. [They won’t. Trust me. Now, we’ll check heat sinks next. Your role is more heat-intensive, so we need to prioritize yours. If need be, we can pull one of mine and install it on your chassis. Not ideal, but if your stealth systems go out, we’re both in trouble. My sinks are on my back, so I can’t reach them easily. I’ll need you to relay a video feed to me so I can inspect for damage…]