#felt good to find this in my drafts and realize how much has happened and changed since then

[beautifulterriblequeen]

This is full of personal and TDP angst so I’mma cut for those who aren’t into that today.

cw: injury, death, illness, angst

I don’t want to overidentify with my favorite TDP characters and I don’t want to overshare, but I’ve been having Many Thoughts these past few months and I thought I’d try to write them out. I know I always process things better after writing them out. Maybe this’ll help put some stuff in perspective for someone else, too.

So psst psst there’s a pandemic on, right, and in the middle of it, my husband got Very Ill. It kind of snuck up on us because Gosh There’s A Lot Of Shit In 2020, but by early November, I was mentally preparing to be a widow by Christmas. Things were Very Not Good and every day was, ah, let’s call it Rough. That’s a, that’s not something you really tell people when you’re in the middle of it. You just smile and wave and carry on, because what are they gonna do about it? Okay, maybe you’re better at sharing your feels than I am. I didn’t tell anyone.

I wrote my fics and played my games and messed around on my ask blogs and pretended everything was fine.

Narrator: You read the above paragraph. You know it was not fine.

Illusion is great sometimes. But there is going to come a point when you just, you can’t. You can’t keep looking at it. Reality is gonna reach through and bitchslap you, and you gotta pay attention to it, because reality is what matters the deepest. Illusion still matters. It serves a purpose. Illusions are like memes, we all get them, we all pretend identically. But every now and then, you need to look the truth in the face. And you can’t be scared when that happens.

it’s 13 feet tall and built of lanky shadows, and it’s shuddering out some kind of infrasound too low to hear but it’s shaking your guts and eating your memories. And you have to stand there. And stare it dead in the eyes. And say, “I see you. You might win this one. I might lose and it might totally suck. But I see you. I see what I’m up against here. And I’m fighting anyway.”

[Thor voice] “Because that’s what heroes do!” is optional, but always appreciated. You do you, guys!

Anyway, emergency surgery and Christmas in the hospital, yadda yadda yadda, things are a little better now, but this forest is endless, or maybe it’s walking alongside us, not sure which. Either way, not out of said woods yet. Treatments are serious and ongoing and no one has precise enough answers for which you-can’t-change-your-mind-later path to take. Such fun times, you have no idea, and I hope you never do. It’s literally Pick Your Poison. Yesterday, my husband picked his poison. We’re going Thisaway with treatment, and what is done cannot be undone.

I’ve been having flashes of insight on how Runaan and Ethari might have been feeling during the months between Winter’s Turn and Runaan’s mission leaving the Silvergrove. Obviously their situation is A: different, and B: fictional. But sometimes I just gotta get out of my own head for a few minutes.

Today, my therapist called me out for locking up all my feelings. I know I’m doing it. Everyone needs me, and there’s only so much of me to go around. Everyone around me is falling apart in a different way. My husband, both my kids. I can’t fix everything. Some days I don’t feel like I can fix a damn thing at all. But we still gotta eat and sleep and work and do school do NOT get me started. So the feelings go in the tower and I Get Shit Done. I’m up early, I’m up late, I never get enough sleep. Therapist called me a machine. I told her she wasn’t wrong.

Then she told me I had to start letting them out, had to let go somewhere, needed to tell my fam how hard things were for me. And I felt a giant stalactite of ice fall from the ceiling and stab me in the guts. Let go? Admit weakness? When my whole family is a mess and they’re relying on me to hold them together? What if that disheartens them? If that ruins everything? If I fall apart, they will too, and that’s the opposite of what I want! I’m holding on this tightly because this is how I help.

Uh. A Runaan insight, maybe. I was genuinely scared of letting my family know that I couldn’t entirely and completely handle everything that’s going on. But my therapist had a fun metaphor: bleed off the pressure. Like turning on the faucet juuuuust a little bit during winter so the pipes don’t freeze. Don’t want to lock up entirely, see, because ice is 10% bigger than the water it came from. It breaks things. So I’m going to give it a try. And I have to go first, because if you think I’m the uptight one in my family, ha ha ha nooooo. No I am not. So, in my future: a feelsy family talk, pushed into existence by Me, The Soft One.

I may not be afraid of death, but listen, it’s still very riveting. I’ve had my attention on it for months now, to the detriment of most of my other relationships. I can’t pretend things are normal, and I’m not going to try. But I can bleed off the pressure, for everyone’s sake. I need to be soft, sometimes. I want to be soft. It’s such a nice change from everything. It takes effort to remember to be soft, but for my kids, my friends, and my husband, I’ll do my very best. They’re all so worth it.

You’re all worth it and I love you guys. Be safe and be soft!

update: he lived :)

[natt-writes]

~5 Writing tips that actually help~

(These tips are meant for fiction books, especially fantasy. so if you’re writing nonfiction a decent amount of these won’t apply to you. Sorry!)

Find your writing voice.

one of the biggest issues I find in things written by beginners is a lack of emotional connection with the narration. Sure the story can be great, but without personality, without looks into the characters minds, without little quips here and there, it really isn’t all that interesting. Something that really helped me to realize this was a book called the tragical tale of birdie bloom. It’s a kids book but it honestly has such a good narrator (and storyline tbh) that you can look past the little kiddy-ness. I recommend you check the book out if you’re looking for some inspiration. I will be making a post about how to develop your writing and character voices soon so if you want some extra help with that, stay tuned!

2. Get to know your characters.

I know that you all probably already know this, but characters are one of, if not the most important part of a book. Readers don’t want to read about a flat, boring character who just feels like a vessel for the horrifying amount of trauma you add to your story. They want to read about people that feel real, people with flaws and feelings and hobbies and backstories. When I wanted to develop my characters I started going through the drafts, the plot outlines, everything and seeing what the characters did, said, felt. Then I took their basic backstory and started lining things up. Like if a character decided to get into a fight with another character, I would see what had happened to them that might have caused this. Maybe they had been abused as a child and thought that any disagreement meant they had to fight for their life. Maybe this person reminded them of a former enemy. After you start to figure out what connects the characters to the big plot points, you can then start to develop subtle things. You could start writing something, realize this situation would have triggered a character, and then drop subtle hints towards them feeling uncomfortable. Go nuts with it, after all you can never over-analyze a character.

3. Describe things uniquely.

Descriptions are what help us to understand what’s going on in a scene. They can tell us about the tasty drink a character is enjoying, the slick dress that someone is wearing or the way a characters muscles tense when a certain someone enters the room. But sometimes descriptions a fall a bit flat and that can ruin the experience for the reader. Something I always try to remember is to try and come up with new words describe something, for example; “her eyes were a beautiful shade of brown.” Is a very basic and over used description, instead you could try; “her eyes sparkled as she sat across from me, gleaming a rich chocolate shade as the light from the candles reflected off of them”. This is a much stronger sentence as it gives both environment hits and a description of the eyes, all while staying away from overused terms. I often see this theme in stories written by beginners, things being described in a very straight forward manner. And of course this is ok once in a while, especially if this isn’t a very important topic, but it still sounds better when you branch away from that basic sentence structure. I always like to use descriptive sentences to push things forward. Here is another example; “she was wearing a fluffy green dress with lots of lace. She walked over to the door and opened it.” Vs “the lacy trim of her green dress dragged on the floor as she walked towards the door. She smiled wide as she held it open, inviting her guests into the building.” Making strong sentences is very important, so please toy around with different words, structures, etc, until the sentence fits the type of book you’re trying to write.

4. Make trauma realistic.

Yes, even if you’re writing a fantasy book, characters experiences have to be realistic. Something that always gets on my nerves is when writers come up with a good idea for some trauma, so they just give to a character, even when it doesn’t suit them at all. if you are going to give a character trauma you need to explain it, set it up so it actually fits into their character arc, then have the character actually be affected by it. They can’t just randomly be like “I got shot by a dude.” And that’s it if there is no way that character could have gotten shot given their life experiences. Also if you want a character to be relatively unaffected after an extremely traumatic event you have to plan it out so that they have a specific and consistent trauma response that makes them not react shortly after an event like that. Characters are supposed to be like people, and no two people react to trauma the same way, so you do have some leeway if necessary, but people also don’t just stay the same after something horrible happens, they are affected by it and that has to be accurately portrayed. This does get easier the more you get to know the characters though, as soon you will know how they react to things and how to plan trauma that suits them.

5. Make a plot outline.

I cannot stress this enough, make a plot outline. Making a plot outline literally saved my book, and they are really easy to make! I recommend you download a spreadsheet app like XL spreadsheets or Apple numbers but you could even use google docs if you want. You want to put in all the chapters and then give each chapter at least six spots to write scenes. Add a spot for adding the main event of the chapter/a summery of what you have to write. This will help you to understand what you have to write for that chapter and how it fits into the next chapter. After that you start to fill all the scene boxes in with your plot information. Having a plot outline is great as it can be super vague and messy, but still hold all your ideas. It also helps to prevent unnecessary rewrites later, as you can just edit the plot outline before you start writing the first draft. You can even make a plot outline after you’ve started writing your book. That’s what I did and I promise, it still is very helpful. (Example of a plot outline below.)

[nestypewriter]

Change of Obsession

[Content Warning: mention of physically harm, obsessive tendency]

[Disclaimer: I want to emphasize that I do not endorse or support this type of behavior. This content is purely for entertainment purposes.]

{Author's note: So I don't know what happened but I already post this but I can't find it anywhere , I tried look though my draft but it wasn't there , maybe it's an error or my app is bugging out, please let me know if there's a double, but anyways thank you you again 🐇 anon for requesting! I hope you like it 🩷💜}

He was indeed in love with the loveliest girl in the whole town and dared to say that it was love at first sight! He couldn't get enough of her figure, whether she was walking about the park or just standing there with her most radiant form. But then, he saw you, a nobody, hanging out with his beloved, such an annoyance. But whatever, once he and his beloved became an item, you would be thrown to the side, forgotten like a black sheep.

But maybe he could get rid of you now, and then maybe his beloved would run to him for comfort, and then they could have their happily ever after! Yes! Yes! He should do that! He's such a genius! Now he should start planning to wipe out a pest.

Every day, he stalked you through the shadows, always watching you day by day and night after night. As weeks and months passed, he soon realized how much of a darling you were and how much you had in common! Coincidence? He thinks not! But little did he know that the more he got to know you, the more he lost his feelings for his current 'beloved'. But, oh well, let fate do its thing.

He could no longer watch you through the shadows; he had talked to you! And felt your radiant presence! He couldn't get enough of your voice and cute little quirks! Just simply adorable!

He should confess his love for you! Never once in his life was he certain of his feelings! Huh? .. What do you mean, 'no'? You were grateful for his bold confession and that you weren't looking for someone right now. But.. honey! He's different! He could change with anything you want! Please! Just love him!

Why are you saying you're sorry and walking away? No, no, no, NO! He can't accept this! YOU WILL LOVE HIM, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! Even if he has to take extreme measures like knocking you out with a baseball bat. Looking at your knocked form, he couldn't help but laugh at the situation. Look at what you have done! Making him do this! But, no matter, it was for the greater good!

Now you and he can both get your happy ever after! Together! Forever!

[wowowobsessed]

Dearest Divination

A Severus Snape x Male Professor! Reader :))

I don’t see a lot of Snape x male readers so I decided to make one myself, hope you enjoy!! This is my first story in a few years!! :))

✧ ~ Chapter 1 ~ ✧

You were always great at divination, and it wasn’t considered scamming muggles if it was actually true.

But here you were, getting a letter from the ministry of magic that your practice in London needed to be shut down. “Bloody gits” you muttered to yourself. In what world was your practice an issue? It’s not as if you were revealing anything about the wizarding world. And it’s also not as if any of your clients had enough common sense to realize you were a wizard.

Packing up every decoration was definitely going to be a hassle, but luckily, magic was a thing. You would of course, be sad to let go of your practice, and miss your usual customers. But you’d left them in good spirits with great advice, hopefully.

As your chose to apparate to your flat, your owl sat pecking at the window to your room. You hurriedly put down your bag and rushed to the window. Your owl pushed in angrily, having been waiting for Godric knows how long. “I’m sorry Odin, I was busy packing my things up.” He looked at you as if asking you to explain. Considering the fact that he understood you when you told him who to deliver a letter to, you felt that on some level maybe he understood everything else you would say too.

“The ministry shut me down. I had a feeling that this would happen for a while.” He looked at you apologetically. Only then did you realize that he had had a letter in his beak since you’d let him in. You took it with a thanks and opened it. It was stamped with a Hogwarts seal.

“Dear Mr. y/n l/n,

I’ve received news of your recent unemployment, and would like to offer you a position on my staff.

Unfortunately, Professor Trewlawney has had an accident with a poorly brewed memory potion and is unable to return to Hogwarts as the Professor of Divination.

Therefore, I would like to invite you back to Hogwarts as a replacement for her. Below you will find a drafted contract of what you can expect to sign if you do wish to accept this position.

Best wishes,

Albus Dumbledore”

Great, just great, did the entire wizarding world know of your shutdown? Considering the fact of how much everyone loves to gossip to the point where the daily prophet is nothing but that, you can guess that the fact that you were “a muggle scammer” was one of the headlines this morning.

Rubbing your temples due to your ever growing headache, you chose to leave the letter on your desk and just deal with it tomorrow.

[sillydestiny]

Hi, I love how you write and I've seen that you've done Cale, Alberu x reader. I would like you to do one with Choi Han x f!reader, where I would like to see how he falls in love (that Choi Han contains the essence of how he is). I don't know if it's something hard to write but I'll leave it up to you. Keep healthy and happy new year ✨🥰.

Sorry if there are grammatical errors, my English is not good.♥️

@monblue0 sorry for the late upload this draft has been seating for too long since lack of motivation and writer block.. I just recently finished it so I hope you like it ꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡

CHOI HAN X READER

Choi Han is initially reserved and guarded, carrying the weight of his past experiences and the responsibilities he holds dear

At first, Choi Han didn't pay much attention to the reader. They were just another member of the Count's household, someone he interacted with casually during his duties

It started with small things - the way you smiled when you thought no one was looking, the sound of your laughter echoing through the halls of the Count's estate. Choi Han found himself drawn to you, inexplicably drawn to your presence like a moth to a flame.

The way your eyes light up when you talk about your passions and the genuine kindness in your smile. These qualities make him feel a warmth he hasn't experienced before.

At first, he brushes these observations aside, attributing them to mere friendship or camaraderie.

But as time goes on, Choi Han finds himself drawn to the reader in ways he can't explain. He notices his heart racing whenever they're near, his thoughts consumed by thoughts of them even when they're apart. He tries to rationalize these feelings, convincing himself that it's nothing more than admiration or respect.

He tried to ignore it, burying himself in his work and his training, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake the feeling growing inside him. It was like a wildfire, consuming him from the inside out.

It was a simple gesture that finally made him realize the truth - the way you reached out to him, offering a comforting hand on his shoulder after a particularly difficult battle. In that moment, Choi Han felt something shift inside him, a warmth spreading through his chest that he couldn't ignore.

He began to see you in a different light And with each passing day, he found himself falling deeper and deeper in love with you.

But Choi Han was not one to wear his heart on his sleeve. He kept his feelings hidden, afraid of what might happen if he let them out. He didn't want to burden you with his emotions, didn't want to risk losing the fragile bond they had formed.

Yet, despite his best efforts to keep his distance, he couldn't stay away. He found himself seeking out your company, cherishing every moment they spent together, no matter how fleeting.

And then, one day, he found the courage to tell you how he felt. It was a simple confession, spoken in a quiet moment when they were alone together. He didn't expect anything in return, didn't dare to hope that you might feel the same way.

But when you smiled and reached out to take his hand in yours, he knew that his love had been reciprocated. And in that moment, Choi Han realized that he had finally found someone worth fighting for, someone worth risking everything for. And he vowed to cherish you, protect you, for as long as he lived.

Choi Han was certainly the one who fell the hardest, his heart forever intertwined with theirs.

[fueledbysano]

𝐓𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐒.

♱ ft: Kakucho/Izana, Shuji Hanma, Ran/Rindou Haitani

♱ content/warnings: angst, cheating, alcohol consumption, unrequited love, second lead trope.

♱ a/n: so this has been in my wips since September. I have more characters in draft but I decided to post what I have finished bc I really miss putting out content here since I've been busy. enjoy 🤲

𝐊𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐂𝐇𝐎 — “I loved you first"

He was the man who had always been there for and with you; dating way back to your childhood.

Right from the moment Kakucho met you, he knew he had to cherish this girl as much as he can, and as long as he can, and he could never stop, not even for a second.

Every dumb banter you ever had, every Christmas mornings at five, every spontaneous Saturday afternoon, every speed bump, every pang of boredom and anxiety you ever experienced together—he carried that lesson with him.

and he carried that lesson with him when you married Izana.

As you bind the last of your vows to the silver-haired man before you, it was then that Kakucho realized that it didn't matter how much longer he's loved you; when fate put Izana in your life— in a marriage of convenience.

And most importantly, he carried that lesson with him when you started playing the martyr wife.

It was too good to be true— to have a man of status, attractive looks, and fascinating aura as your husband and all to yourself.

So it didn't shock you in the least when you discovered lipstick stains on his shirt that weren't yours, with a faint scent of a cheap perfume you don't bother spending your money on.

“He’ll change.” “Maybe, he isn’t used to marriage yet.” — were just one of the many things you told yourself into thinking that there is still hope for your marriage.

Kakucho finds it heartbreaking to see you act the part, and though he's never confronted you directly about it, he makes every effort to support you—something your own husband couldn't even do. and to witness you fall just as deeply in love with someone else as he did with you.

Because sometimes love means taking a step back. If you care about somebody, you should want them to be happy even if you wind up being left out.

One evening, when Izana had another not-so-secret meeting with his mistress, you stayed in while sipping wine and reading passages from a book of melancholy poetry. The wine had started to fuel the voices in your head and the lines began to hit a little too hard that you didn't realize the tears streaming from your eyes.

It was routine at this point; to cry yourself to sleep, wishing that the only man you wanted felt the same way.

However, you also failed to recognize the man who genuinely expressed his intents and feelings to you; who happened to pay you a visit at this particular moment.

Kakucho also noticed the fresh tears you've been shedding while you were asleep on the couch in the living room with the book held loosely in your hand.

Even if you haven't spoken yet, he already knew what's been upsetting you. So with a bitter sigh, he took the book from your hand before returning it to it's rightful spot on the bookshelf, and then sprawling a blanket over your body, fixing your frame into a more comfortable position before cleaning up the dishes you'd left on the table.

It really didn't matter that he'd loved you for years, because to be in love with someone half as in love with you is a cruel curse, and the fact that you too get to feel that way makes Kakucho's heart hurt even more.

𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐌𝐀 — “Choose me.”

He was the one who said that he didn’t care about the ring on your finger; that this was merely an affair by sinful adulterers.

Your coincidental meeting at a bar led to a one-night stand which caused more than a little bit of friction when you came in as the new Toman executive and his colleague the very next day.

He then received the second dose of shock when he found out that you were, in fact, married, as your husband paid you a visit at the headquarters one day in a bid to resolve your tumultuous marriage

At first, you didn't comprehend the tinge of concern in your heart as you glanced over your husband's shoulder to meet the eyes of your secret lover. Will it be over for good?

Once your husband has gone off to your home, waiting for your return, Hanma finds himself locked inside your office, as if your man hadn’t just been in it minutes ago. “There’s my favorite adulterous whore.” He smirked, making himself comfortable on your seat as you were noticeably leaning against the tall windows in distress.

“This is just… great.” You sighed heavily, reaching to your drawer for a smoke. “What’s wrong, gorgeous?” Before you could even reach the handle, Hanma had already pulled you onto his lap in a firm grip. With sorry eyes, you smooth his chest and tugged on his collar softly, “I’m… married.”

With one push of his knees, your body fell onto his, letting his sinful lips lap on the cleavage exposed by your low neckline dress, “This— is wrong.” you gasped out, clutching onto his suit.

“Then tell me to stop, and I will.” He insists, but you were already too deep into his touch, and instead, your hands finds themselves discarding the buttons of his suit which landed you getting bent over on your own desk, at the end of the day, mutually claiming that it’s just sex.

But what you both didn't realize at that time is when your regular affair grew into taking on missions together, having dinner at unreasonable hours, and attending lavish events with each other.

Hanma is still clueless of what your marriage looked like, and he refuses to know. He was the other man, but he didn't feel like one. How could he when you constantly allowed yourself to be drawn into his antics and gave him your undivided attention?

That's why he started to worry when he noticed the crack in the glass— you have been staying home longer than usual, wearing your wedding band more frequently, then eventually having your husband fetch you at work.

And he finally gets the chance, in his car after a successful mission, your phone rang and displayed your husband's name on it, but instead of picking right up, you sent him a glance, a rather inquisitive one. “Okay, here it goes—” and with his words, the car brakes all at once.

“Your choice, it’s simple— him, or me. And I’m sure that he’s great, but, [ Y / N ], I love you.” And that was then you realized that it had already become more than a casual affair.

At the end of the day, Hanma only wishes that he is the first star you'll be gazing at when the night falls.

𝐑𝐀𝐍 — “What does he have that I don't?”

He was used to working towards everything he’s ever had. However, he’s envious of how Rindou easily had you under his touch. It’s a pity— how worthless all his efforts turned out when you fell right into his little brothers’ arms. Maybe, it was a “youngest sibling” thing; to be able to get anything they want at will.

He was never selfish with Rindou… But couldn't he be even just for once— with you?

“Hi, I’m glad you could be here…” Your embrace was the perfect Christmas present to him as he welcomed you into their home. This Christmas Eve, your gifts to each other is the precious time, the thought you put into it as you spend it together. So other than the wrapped chocolates and gifts beneath the tree, your Christmas didn't come from a store... and, you know what? It really did mean so much for Ran.

He appreciates your company, hell, even just your presence— to be with him and Rindou on aimlessly planned days, to the ones that matter most. And even if you hadn’t realized it yet, he wished you could give him the same attention you do with Rindou.

“Where’s Rin?” You question as he serves you a hot cup of cocoa, and he could feel his heart aching for a second. “He got some ice. He’ll be back soon.” He flashed a smile and offered you his company on the couch.

He wanted to be jealous of Rindou, but at the end of the day, he knows that the choice is all yours to make, and that harboring resentment toward his brother is the last thing he would do in this world.

He was savoring the remaining time he had to himself with you, listening intently to every word you beautifully spoke and cracking up at your jokes. But when Rindou comes back, he notices how your eyes shine.

That glimmer of admiration— something he looks for but never finds until the younger brother is around.

Being drunk switches off the best parts of your brain and leaves the fool to run your life, to run your mouth. But for Ran, it silenced the longing in his heart that you aren’t his to love.

It takes a lot of condensed pain to produce each drunk, and so to look out there and see the storm clouds is enough to break both soul and heart.

And as he returns after the fourth refill, he finds you and Rindou passed out on each other on the couch, with his face snuggled up to yours that flashed a faint smile. So with a bittersweet smile, he pulls the neighboring blanket over your bodies, and tuck your hair away.

Ran thought his heart would break seeing her love someone who is not him; although it did for a moment, he slowly felt full of life upon seeing the two most important people in his life finally get together.

[because-of-a-friend]

Band-Aid

MASTERLIST

Hi guys, I’m back! Sorry I was gone for so long, I got so busy this past year, I thought I might have to retire this blog for good. But I’m going to try and make time for it, let’s hope it works out this time!

Disclaimer: It has been a LONG time since I’ve written ~anything~ so I am plenty rusty lol.

Thanks for the request anon! This is such a cute prompt! Hope I delivered! After this I’ll have four drafts left and then I can answer the requests in my inbox!

Warnings: Mentions injuries/illnesses, blood, let me know if I missed anything!

Word Count: 1k

Remember that gifs aren’t mine! If you like them, pls click through to show their OPs some love!

You have to laugh as Seungcheol loudly announces to Jeonghan that his head is hurting

You two have been going through this cycle since you were first hired a few months ago

At the beginning, Coups had an excuse to talk to you all the time

Since you were new to the team, he took point on explaining important info to you

What allergies the boys had

Previous injuries you needed to be aware of

Where they generally kept their first-aid supplies

But once you had it all down, there was no reason for him to talk to you on a daily basis

But by this point, Cheol had realized that he very much liked speaking to you

He felt that you two had connected well and wanted to get to know you more

But since you were on the med team, you were often quite busy seeing as there were thirteen members that were in constant need of check-ups, aid with different levels of injuries, and general everyday care to combat the strain they put on their bodies

You hardly ever had time to just speak to him

The only time you really could 

Was when you were treating him

So Seungcheol had started to come up with any excuse under the sun to come and talk to you

First he was constantly complaining that he must have sprained his wrist, or twisted his ankle or pulled a muscle

Then he was constantly getting stomache aches

After that he was getting rashes or little scratches

Now he was in a phase of faking headaches to come and talk to you about it

You knew all of his injuries were fake from the very beginning

He stopped cradling his first “sprained wrist” to tell Seungkwan off for being too loud

He ate full meals that the other boys ordered even when he had his “stomach aches”

You had started carrying around makeup wipes to clean off his supposed “scratches and rashes”

Someone complaining of a headache was a little harder to disprove though

But you were sure you’d catch him somehow

You had begun to enjoy playing this little game with him

As well as the time you got to spend with him because of it

“Well you don’t have a fever,” you tucked your thermometer back into your medical bag

Seungcheol sat in front of you with a pout on his face

“Are there any other symptoms?” you ask

Seungcheol dutifully shakes his head

“Well do you want a pain reliever? Or maybe I should tell them to send you home and rest?” you feel his forehead once more for good measure

“Oh...” he hesitates, “I don’t think it’s serious enough for either of those...”

You smile to yourself

It was quite cute to watch him fumble with trying to feign sickness without  exposing himself

“Well should we schedule an appointment with a neurologist to make sure this isn’t a problem?” you push him further

“No, you take care of me well enough” Seungcheol beams

“Well we have to find a solution eventually,” you sigh. “How’s your water intake? Or did you add anything new to your diet? Increase your screentime?”

“No, they just started out of nowhere,” Seungcheol shrugs innocently

“Well I suppose I can let you go for today but, if it happens again, I’m sending you to the doctor”

“[Y/N]!” one of the managers calls for you. “We need your help prepping supplies for the next concert.”

You give Cheol a bit of a smug look, knowing you’ve backed him into a corner with his latest fake sickness and then

You rush off to help

Seungcheol sighs as he watches you leave

He just lost another excuse to spend time with you

Later that evening Joshua watches with pure amusement as Seungcheol paces back and forth in the dorm 

“Should I say I think I have a sinus infection? Or maybe I could claim of frequent muscle spasms... I feel like constipation has to be my last move.”

“I feel like constipation is a never move,” Joshua interrupted. “Just tell [Y/N] that you like them.”

“I can’t do that, what if they don’t even like me?” Seungcheol complains

“Well then you have an answer and you can stop wasting both of your time,” Josh shrugs

“Wasting time,” Seungcheol repeats. “What if they really don’t like me and I’ve just been annoying [Y/N] this whole time?” 

He hates the feeling settling in the pit of his stomach

He begins to remember all the times you would shut him down as quick as possible 

Or when you would rush off to help someone else as soon as you were done exposing a fake injury of his

How you would sigh and roll your eyes before walking away

Apparently he failed to notice the playful look on your face as you did so

“What? I don’t think [Y/N] would put up with it if you were truly wasting their time,” Joshua protests

“No, I really should stop. It’s [Y/N]’s job and I should leave them alone to do it. Let’s just start getting ready for the concert tomorrow”

Seungcheol’s mood is noticably down for rehearsals the next day

The other boys are off because of it and they’re trying all they can to cheer him up

You notice as well and begin to wonder if Seungcheol is genuinely sick for once 

And then you feel really worried because he usually would use any excuse to come speak to you but he’s not even trying to mention what’s obviously bothering him

“Are you feeling alright?” you corner him, once again pressing a hand to his forehead

“I am, just worried about this performance,” Cheol reaches up to grab your hand, his thumb pressing into your palm as he pulls it away from his head

Then he just walks off

You feel really uneasy about the concert

Everyone else does too

Seungcheol may not be exhibiting any symptoms of sickness but it’s obvious he’s distracted and not ready to perform

Anxieties rise throughout the day but quickly stave off as the concert begins

As usual, Seventeen pulls through and the concert goes well

Even with Cheol somewhat distracted 

But the good feelings end as quickly as they begin

When Cheol falls during a song 

At first it looks like just a simple stumble

But as your watching the big screen, you see the horrified expression form on Seungkwan’s face as he looks down at his leader

You rush to the side of the stage as the other members help him off

They set him down on a chair in front of you and run back off to do crowd control

You quickly see why Seungkwan had seemed so disturbed

When Cheol had tripped, he had fallen against one of the stage props and scraped up his shin

The wound didn’t seem deep but it was large and producing plenty of blood

Coups feels terrible

Not even 24 hours after he decided to leave you alone

And here is a situation where you have to be with him

He can’t even think of his injury

He can only think of how he’s going to apologize and get out of your hair

He’s tested ten different apologies in his head before he actually looks at you

Your hands are gentle as you clean the blood and sanitize the wound

Cheol notices how you hesitate everytime you rub the disinfectant over his leg, seeing if it’ll cause him pain or not 

There is a time where it does sting and he sucks in his breath

You look up at him and Cheol’s heart clenches

You look so worried

Your eyebrows are furrowed and there’s sweat on your forehead 

“Does it hurt a lot? I promise I’m almost done” you say 

Your voice is so genuine and kind

Cheol has to stop himself from grinning at how sweet and caring you’re being

“I’m ok, do what you need to do”

You wrap the bandages carefully once the wound is clean, even going back over where you feel you didn’t do a good enough job

“Does that feel ok?” you stand and put a hand on his shoulder, indicating with your other hand that he should move his leg and test the wrappings

He nods, “Thank you”

Then he gets up and heads towards the stage

“Woah,” you stop him with a hand on his chest, “where are you going?”

 He grabs your hand the same way, a thumb pressed to your palm, but he doesn’t move it away from him this time

“Back out,” he gives you the smile he uses when he wants something

“You can’t go back out there,” you insist, hoping he can’t feel how warm you’re getting while he holds your hand

“It would be best for the fans to see that I’m ok,” Cheol says more seriously this time

You think it over

“...You’ll have to sit in a chair for the rest of the performance,” you insist

“I’ll accept that with my own condition,” Cheol is beaming at you again

“And what would that be?” you laugh

“I take you to dinner after”

Before you can respond, he pulls you towards him, kisses your cheek, and runs off onto the stage with a chair

And your hand flies to your own forehead to check your tempertature

[aaronstveit]

i would loooove to hear more of your director's commentary about deep end! <3 not sure how much you can say without spoiling but did you make a lot of changes from the original draft? and are there any scene that didn't make it into the final fic? thank youuu <3

omg hi anon this question made my entire day <3333 gonna answer beneath a read more as always because when talking about deep end i am this trc meme

okay so firstly! i wrote deep end 3 times. the original draft had a final wordcount of 126,978 words. the middle draft had a final wordcount of 175,065 words. the final draft's wordcount is not finalized yet because i am still editing & still adding one scene to the epilogue, but obviously we've already surpassed the first draft's wordcount, so that's fun.

as you can see, about 50k words were added in the middle draft! there are a lot of reasons for this. chapters 8 & 9, as well as about half of chapter 10, did not exist in the original draft. i added them during rewriting because i felt we hadn't spent enough time with enjolras & cosette.

combeferre and éponine were almost nonexistent in the original draft. not just as a couple, but individually as well. every single grantaire & éponine scene was added in the middle draft, and most of enjolras & combeferre's scenes as well.

i actually didn't cut any full scenes out! there were quite a few though where i started writing a scene, realized it was wrong, and erased what i had written and started over. for instance, this bit in chapter 18:

in the original draft, i tried writing enjolras turning to grantaire at this point and saying, "I think I'm in love with you," before cosette answered the door. obviously, i ended up deciding against this, mostly because i decided the kiss scene would pack more of a punch if enjolras realizes he's in love with grantaire right when he's in the middle of their argument.

i also deleted soooooooooo many arguments. this is probably surprising considering how often they argue in this fic, but at least once a chapter i really had to stop myself and say, okay no this is getting unhealthy. i enjoy writing arguments too much apparently - which is good for writing exr, but only to a certain extent.

originally, grantaire was not going to have a sister. it genuinely did not even occur to me until chapter 11 (which was chapter 8 at the time), but once it did occur to me, i couldn't not do it. his grief plotline became way too dear to me way too quickly.

the biggest changes i made during writing all had to do with reordering events!! originally, karaoke happened somewhere around chapter 8. i ended up moving it wayyyyyyyyy back because i felt like their flirting was out of place so early in the story.

i also moved enjolras' arguments with cosette and grantaire to an earlier point than i originally intended. at first, i thought they were going to happen around the second-to-last chapter, but i moved them forward a lot earlier because i thought more work needed to be done with enjolras.

the chapter that underwent the most changes from the middle draft to the finished draft is chapter 24. obviously i can't say just yet what those changes are, but i'm really really happy with how that chapter turned out and i hope you all will be as well <3

several of my personal favorite scenes in this fic are actually cannibalized from something i tried writing and gave up on a few months ago. marius getting mugged in chapter 4, the hamlet conversation in chapter 7, and enjolras tending to grantaire's broken nose in chapter 14 were all taken from the same abandoned wip.

as for some more random tidbits that i find fun:

a fun fact for everyone is that cosette did not pull the phrase "who has a flag where he should have a heart" out of thin air! she takes this from courfeyrac in chapter 13:

which is why courfeyrac winces when enjolras says it in chapter 19:

also in chapter 19, enjolras means to say that Train to Busan is his favorite horror movie ending. i didn't just choose that because i love that movie (although i really really do) but because. well. i'm not going to spoil the ending for you if you haven't seen it, but... it was very deliberate is all i'm saying.

i really cannot overstate how much of this fic only exists because of cossette notebookmusical. for starters, i only even attempted writing it because she said "jamie if you don't write this." she also got to spend months listening to me bitch about it and receiving so many horrible snippets from the original draft so coco, if you're reading this, thank you from the very bottom of my heart 🫶🏻

more specifically, the entire beginning sequence of chapter 17 with grantaire staying the night at enjolras' apartment was inspired by cossette! i was asking her for situations to put the blond man in and one of her ideas was that he loses his keys. so everyone say thank you cossette!

also the bit in chapter 19 where enjolras thinks about combeferre a psychology minor is the worst thing to ever happen to you was added after i said something to cossette and she said something along the lines of, "would you like to elaborate on that?"

the ending bit of chapter 23 is also inspired by and written for cossette. you'll see what i mean in a few weeks.

there are a lot more bits and pieces inspired by things that cossette has said and done, or added just to make her laugh, but if i listed all of them i would be here forever. just know that this entire fic is cocoservice and it is only because of cossette that it exists at all <333333

there is also a collection of scenes i'm considering writing as "bonus content" for when the fic is fully posted - mostly scenes that already exist, but from another point of view, and a few that are only mentioned in passing.

okay i'm cutting myself off now because this is a lot of yapping even for me but you may always ask more if you're so inclined <3333 thank you sm for asking i had so much fun answering this! i really can't tell you how much it means to me not only that you're not only reading but also enjoying it so much that you're asking about it like... this is literally a fic writer's DREAM. thank you so so so much <3333

[teuanjo]

Are you open for requests? If so can you do more things for Tamaki? I have an idea of fem reader x Tamaki maybe she is a year below him( they can be the same year) and she is in love with him. Maybe she’s a teachers assistant if she’s a year below so she delivers things to classes and everytime she visits class 3-a she hugs her friend( which he gets jealous of) but she smiles at him and waves. And he’s likes… “ did she just wave at me?” AND SMILE! Anyways maybe her friends being a big mouth in class explaining that we are literally infatuated with Tamaki and his reaction… thank you

Call me 🍪 anon

Big mouth strikes again.

Tamaki Amajiki X Gn!reader

¡TW!: None

A/N: sorry for the delay anon this has been in my drafts for months -_-

I didn't read it so if you see any mistakes feel free to correct me and I'm sorry if you see any female pronouns, I happen to write using she to later correct for the neutral pronoun.

Seeing you enter the room, Tamaki felt his heart skip a beat, you always came on Tuesdays mainly to deliver notices or extra activities. He should have gotten used to it by now, but still he couldn't help feeling the absolute euphoria he felt when he saw you.

Tamaki admires as you breaks into the classroom with a big smile.

"Good morning class, Director Nezu sent me here to inform that vacancies have opened for hero assistant, anyone who is interested please come forward so I can write your information."

Never letting your smile die you announce in a graceful manner making Tamaki envious of your facility speaking to the audience.

Neijire approaches and greeting you starting a conversation. Tamaki hates himself for feeling jealous of his own friend but he can't stop wishing he was in Neijire's place, hugging you and gossiping as the two smile and walk around the classroom together.

The closer you get to Tamaki's table the more intimate the conversation seems to get Neijire laughs sterically as she swings your arm back and forth.

"You know you will need to confess someday, right?"

"Yes Neijire but I don't think he wants a relationship right now."

"Don't be ridiculous Tamaki for sure-"

Putting your hand on Neijire's mouth as quickly as possible you look at her and widen your eyes turning your face slowly to see if Tamaki heard, only to see the reddest boy possible with wide eyes looking at you.

"Tamaki I'm sorry she didn't mean any of that." You try to approach him only for him to get up abruptly and rush out of the room muttering something and nearly knocking over a few chairs.

You turn to Neijire only to see that she is nowhere near you deciding that looking at the roof is much more interesting.

30 minutes passed and you felt more and more anxious for not finding Tamaki.

"Maybe he's hiding from me? Did I offend him?"

Your mind was racing but everything suddenly went silent after you heard a whimper, looking in the direction that little hiccup came from you can't see anything but lockers it would go unnoticed if it wasn't for another little hiccup that happened when you looked for a specific locker.

Approaching locker 314 you try to peek through the cracks, only to hear another whimper.

"Tamaki, is that you?" You asked with no hope of answers already directing your hand to open the lock.

As soon as the door is fully opened the first thing you see is Tamaki huddled in the locker your brain can't figure out how he got in there as as soon as he sees you he squeals and starts muttering apologies.

"Tamaki please stop it there's nothing you need to apologize for, I should be the one to apologize since my conversation with Neijire probably scared you."

Tamaki looks at you from under his lashes and shakes his head, if your ears weren't open you wouldn't hear Tamaki.

"I'm sorry for running away...I-I..."

His talk died away as he realized how attentively you were listening to him how interested and concerned you were for him, feeling shy again he hides his head between his knees.

"You have to remember what Mirio told you Tamaki you know they likes you, you just need to declare yourself back to them."

Silence reigns between you, preparing to speak again he stands up quickly looks into your eyes and screams.

"I LIKE YOU!"

Silence again, you looked stunned not being able to meet Tamaki's eyes.

"I did shit oh my god I did shit I did shit I did-"

"I like you too Tamaki..." Grabbing him by the shoulders before he took off running.

"Can I hug you?"

Tamaki was combusting he couldn't say anything but shake his head. When he felt their arms around him it was like a million butterflies exploded in his stomach.

He wrapped his arms around you burying his face in your hair.

"Do you want to go out this Friday? I'm free in the afternoon." You said giving a small smile while still hugging the boy, Tamaki mumbled something.

"I need words big boy."

You could feel the burn on Tamaki's face through your hair as he muttered a little "Yes" this time louder.

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

𝐀 𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 - Steven Grant

this has been sitting in my drafts for months, but i finally got the motivation to finish it lmao. Happy Thanksgiving for those who celebrate! Gobble gobble bitches🦃

Warnings: mentions of The Blip, implied PTSD, a slight sprinkle of angst, and fluff. that's it, I think

word count | 4.3K🤙🏻

You never took the bus. In all your years of living in London, you had only ridden the bus a handful of times. You usually ride your bike most places, especially to work. Eco friendly, your friend called it, not that you really cared. But it just so happens, that your bike was stolen. So, your hand was forced.

You worked at a bookstore, and you liked it well enough. After being Blipped for five years, your parents decided to give you their store, they were getting old and couldn’t take care of it as much as they could before; plus, they thought it would make you happy and get your mind off being dusted out of existence for so long. And it did, to a certain extent. You were happy surrounded by books, but all the years you missed out on was still nagging at the back of your mind. Your therapist said it would get better with time. But other than the feeling that something horrific could happen at any given moment constantly plaguing your mind, you were content with life; but there was one thing still missing.

You weren’t the best at dating, never had been. Every time you thought you found “the one” or just a genuinely good person, they’d come with a serious hamartia that they were hiding, one that you usually would find out a good couple months into a relationship. But then again, you were also very picky as your parents would say, but you just had standards. You’d think living in such a big city would give you a few good options at least. But alas, you were probably doomed to live the rest of your life in solitude.

You didn’t really notice at first, often stuck in your own little world, but you finally realized that you saw the same man on your bus almost every day on your way to work. It wasn’t that big of a deal, if only he wasn’t so handsome. You never considered yourself to be much of a shallow person, knowing that personality is what really counts, but you couldn’t help yourself to gawk when this man wasn’t looking. Maybe it was his shy and disheveled demeanor that intrigued you, or maybe it was that you were being so utterly vain that his strong jawline and dark brown eyes awakened some primal force within you that drew you to him. But considering how horrid you are at making the first move, you’d never know.

Your silly little crush didn’t go away. It didn’t help that your bookstore was right across the street from the museum he worked at. You felt like a stalker, knowing where he worked and eventually learning his name when he forgot to take his name tag off one night. Steven. It suited him. You thought about visiting the museum once, but that would definitely be stalkerish behavior, but anyone was allowed into museums, right? It wouldn’t be weird if he were to visit your bookshop. Then again, if some dude were staring at you every time you got onto the bus and suddenly paid a visit, you would probably call 999. 

Yeah, you decided against it.

It wasn’t until one early morning that forced you to confront this crush. Steven entered the bus with dark circles under his eyes, more pronounced than usual. He looked like he could’ve fallen over any given moment, he looked like he hadn’t slept in ages. You tried not to tense up when he took a seat next to you, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest. You prayed you could act like a normal human being until the bus ride was over. But then, almost half way to work, he did something you never would’ve expected. He leaned his head on your shoulder.

Your eyes were practically bulging out of their sockets. It only took a couple seconds to realize that he didn’t do it on purpose, poor thing fell asleep and his head naturally lolled to the side, where your shoulder just so happened to be. You had no idea what to do. Do you wake him up? He’s just a stranger, this is weird and he definitely should not be doing this. But he looked so peaceful, and he did look like he had gotten absolutely no sleep. But would he think it would be weird if he knew you just let him sleep on you? You hoped no one else could see how panicked you looked.

You felt your face heat up as you ultimately decided to let the exhausted man remain situated against your shoulder, the bus ride was almost over anyway. You felt your nails dig into your palms, trying to focus on anything but the warm feeling that radiated throughout your body. As the bus rolled to a stop, you gently nudged the sleeping man until he sat straight up with wide eyes, clearly disoriented. He looked at you in confusion before uttering a quick apology before he made his quick escape from the awkward situation. You didn’t blame him, but you did feel a little embarrassed yourself, even though you probably had no reason to be.

You thought about that bus ride all day, your brain fogged over and distracted from your work, the bells that sounded off any time someone would enter the store being the only reality check that would snap you back from your racing mind. A part of you just wanted to buy another bike, never take the bus ever again, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to afford it, not now at least. Maybe you could just walk all the miles back to your flat…in the dark…without the proper means to protect yourself…yeah, awkward situations were more appealing than the threat of getting jumped in an alleyway.

You hoped Steven wouldn’t be on the nightly bus ride home like he usually was, only occasionally he would work late, but that just wasn’t in the works for you. How lucky. Apparently it was a busy night, people coming and going, it was a Friday to be fair. But there were no empty seats as he boarded the bus, being the last person, only one was empty, one next to you. You felt like a regular old Mary Sue. And you could tell by his expression that he was panicked, clearly not forgetting what happened that morning.

You wore a tight lipped smile as he walked towards you, the bus suddenly moving jolting him a bit forwards with a stumble, but he quickly tried to brush it off with suave. “Uh, is this seat taken?” The man asked timidly, his hand slightly shaking as he pointed to the spot next to you.

Obviously not. “No, go ahead.” You smiled, more genuinely that time, feeling that familiar heat rise up to your face as he settled next to you.

“Cheers.” He nervously smiled back, hugging his satchel close to his chest.

You couldn’t help but smirk as you noticed his eyes already started to droop shut, the man wearing exhaustion like it was second nature. It also made you a little sad. “Hope you get some sleep tonight, maybe you won’t fall asleep on me again in the morning.” You chuckled, not being able to resist teasing him slightly.

“Oh, goodness.” The man cringed at himself, turning to face you with a guilty expression. “I’m so sorry about that, miss. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay!” You cut him off with a giggle. “You don’t have to apologize, I get it. I’m not a morning person either. Sorry if me not waking you up right away was weird, I just didn’t have the heart to when you looked so tired.” If you weren’t blushing already, you most certainly were now.

“Ah, it’s not weird. I appreciate it actually. Your shoulder was very comfortable.”

“Jeez, how awful is your bed if you think this boney shoulder is anywhere close to being comfortable?” You laughed softly, a shy smile stretching across his face. “I’m Y/n, by the way. Thought you should know considering I already know yours.” You gently flicked the name tag that was still pinned to his jacket. “Nice to meet you, Steven.”

The next morning you were greeted with Steven’s smiling face, that nervousness behind it making it more endearing. You didn’t hesitate to take a seat next to him, feeling more confident now that you’ve actually had a conversation with the man. So far, he seemed sweet, shy but sweet. He definitely seemed worth your interest, you wanted to get to know him. Hopefully he felt the same.

“A gift shop-ist? I don’t think that’s a word.” You chuckled. “Why not just a salesperson?”

Steven shrugged. “Doesn’t sound that much more appealing, now, does it? Well, what do you do? Where do you work?”

“I own the bookstore right across the street from the museum. So, I guess that makes me a bookstore-ist.” You giggled at your own joke, Steven letting out a small amused snort making you feel better about it.

“Oh, a bookworm, are you?”

“Yeah, I guess. I’ve always liked reading. The store was my parents, but they passed the baton over to me. I like it.”

“Huh, I’ll have to check it out sometime.”

“And I’ll have to check out the museum. Don’t know much about Egyptian history, but maybe you’ll be my tour guide?”

“If my boss doesn’t get on my arse about it. Well, eh, it doesn't matter. I’ll be happy to take time out of my super busy schedule to teach you all about all the pharaohs and gods and anything else that won’t bore you to death.” He grinned.

“Well, with you teaching me I’m sure I’ll never get bored.” You were thankful the bus finally arrived, the somewhat intense eye contact the two of you shared was getting a bit much for you to handle. “Well, see you later!” You waved as you started to walk to your workplace, Steven replying with a cute little “laters gators.”

It didn’t take too long before you and Steven got close, well, you thought so anyway. The two of you would always sit or stand next to each other on the bus each morning and night. Sometimes, you’d even visit each other’s place of work. You learned each other’s coffee orders, so you’d sometimes surprise each other with coffee. The first time you did it, Steven wore the cutest flustered expression on his face. So far, you two were friendly. Just friendly. You knew you wanted more, you just didn’t know if he felt the same, or even how to bring it up. You’d been out of the game for so long you didn’t even think you remembered how to kiss a person. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself or get rejected, you didn’t know if you could handle that.

Talking to your sibling about it, they just told you to get over the stupid fear and just ask the man out. Of course, it was easy for them to say, they were more outgoing and fearless. For once, you wish you could’ve turned off your introvertedness and anxiety. You got good vibes from Steven, he seemed perfect. Too perfect. And your track record showed that perfect meant they were less than perfect. You were a bit of a pessimist, you hated that about yourself, but it’s probably what had saved you from one too many toxic relationships. On the surface, Steven looked like he’d never even hurt a fly. You wondered what was underneath that timid exterior. But maybe there wasn’t, only time would tell.

It was a cold dreary morning when your feelings started to spiral out of control. You seemed to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, feeling sour for no particular reason. Just one of those days, you supposed. You had trouble hiding your mood on your face, Steven seemed to notice it immediately as soon as you boarded the bus. He had asked you what was the matter, but you just brushed him off by saying the weather dampened your spirit. Later, he had brought you a hot cup of coffee on his break, saying that days like these needed some warmth, which in turn made you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. You encouraged him to look around, knowing that he enjoyed reading as well. It was hard to concentrate on working when he was walking about with an awestruck expression, gently running his fingers over the spines of the various books that lined the shelves. “Do you have any books about Egypt?” Steven called out from across the room.

“Yeah, some. On aisle 6, along with other history books.” You pointed out, smiling to yourself as Steven walked to the designated aisle with a skip in his step. He asked about a specific author, wondering if their new book was in stock, clearly anxious to read it. “No, sorry.” You frowned sympathetically after looking it up in inventory. “I can see if it’s available somewhere else?”

Steven shook his head. “That’s alright. Wouldn’t expect it to be anywhere, the author isn't very well known and there's probably not many copies out there. But thanks for looking.”

And that’s when you got the idea. You weren’t good with words, but you loved buying people gifts. When the holidays rolled around, you were an expert at gift giving, you pride yourself on it. Maybe you could express your feelings by buying him this book he wanted so much. It was a bit pricey, being scarce and all, but you could afford it and you wanted to see the smile on Steven’s face, if just for a moment. Before you could think about it any longer, you clicked the purchase button.

And oh man, was it a long anxious wait for the book to arrive. You had to order it from a different country, so obviously it was going to take a while. But you were impatient, and you counted the seconds until you heard the sweet shrill sound of your doorbell ringing, excitement bubbling up in your chest as you opened the door to find the package exactly where you expected to find it. You hoped Steven would be as happy as you were, and you didn’t even want the book for yourself.

You were disappointed when you didn’t see Steven on the bus the next morning. He probably just slept in again. You were so anxious to give the book to him, but then you didn’t see him all day, which was unusual. He usually paid you a visit at least once on his break. Then another day went by…then another. A whole week passed and you started to get worried. He wouldn’t answer your texts or calls, you even went to his work to ask for him but he hadn’t been in. You never pegged him as someone who would just up and disappear. But then again, how could you know that? You were practically just coffee buddies. Guess you got the book for nothing…

It was another week before Steven started showing up again, but you made a point not to even make eye contact with him, not even when he greeted you warmly as he sat next to you like nothing ever happened. From the corner of your eye, you could see his downcast and confused expression and you almost took pity on him. Almost. You probably should’ve seen it coming, there was always some fatal flaw about most people, your blinding crush on Steven made you forget. It was probably for the best, you only would’ve gotten hurt. Terrible timing though, you were at a point where you really needed a friend to talk to.

That constant feeling that something bad was going to happen at any given moment was proved correct. Thankfully, it wasn’t half the universe getting blipped out of existence, but it was almost just as mysterious and frightening. One night, the sky completely changed. It looked like a Van Goph painting, but instead of it making you feel a sense of peace and comfort like viewing the painting normally did, it terrified you. Seeing the sky warp out of focus, it brought on some severe panic attacks. What did this mean? What was happening and what consequences would it have on the world? It plagued your mind. But even after getting Blipped, you never really talked about it with anyone, not even your family. You just kept all these feelings bottled inside, not wanting to burden anyone with your problems. With every new supernatural phenomena, you felt all these feelings begging to come to the surface. You couldn’t have that, you had responsibilities. But with Steven...he seemed like the type of person that you could actually talk to, if it weren’t for him ghosting you. You’d just have to keep it all inside a bit longer.

Stepping off the bus without a word to Steven made you feel hollow, cold without the coffee he usually would bring you as you both make jokes and bitched about the morning weather typically being foggy and/or rainy. It was one of those mornings, and it just made you feel worse. It was also a slow day, barely anyone coming into your store which was unusual, especially on a rainy day. You felt sluggish, not interacting with anyone made you feel like a lifeless zombie. You just wanted a customer, just one. But as soon as Steven walked in, you immediately regretted that sentiment.

You could instantly sense Steven’s nervousness as he walked up to your counter, hands fidgeting with one another and keeping his gaze fixed anywhere but you. “Hiya.” He spoke softly, an unconvincing smile on his lips.

“How can I help you today, sir?” Your bluntness made him blink in shock, obviously not expecting you to be so cold. You were being petty and you hated it, but you couldn’t help yourself. It was an annoying habit to be passive aggressive, and seeing the deepening frown on Steven’s face just made you feel worse.

He sighed. “Look, I-” He stuttered, “I know you’re probably wondering why I disappeared. And I know you might be upset-”

“Might?” You scoffed, biting your lip, trying not to let your emotions get the better of you. “We talked every day, Steven. And then all of a sudden, you’re gone. Without a word or reason why. So, yeah, sorry if I can’t help being a bit upset.” You chuckled bitterly, sighing sadly when you saw him shrinking away from your words. “And…I was worried. I thought that, I guess that I’d never see you again.”

“You were really worried? About me?”

“I mean, yeah. You’re, like, my only friend.” You blushed.

“Oh, wow, really?” He chuckled in disbelief.

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just…man, you could do so much better than me. I’m just this ball of anxiety. I don’t know how being friends with someone like me could be very nice.”

You frowned, saddened by his lack of self confidence. “Come on, Steven. Don’t be so hard on yourself. But you did seriously worry me. Where did you go? What even happened?” Steven looked up at you with wide eyes, fidgeting with the ends of his jacket. He looked like he was having a conversation with himself, his gaze becoming blank and unfocused, then looking back at you like he had forgotten you were even standing there. It didn’t make you hopeful that you were going to get an answer, and the realization made you deflate with a sigh. “You’re not gonna tell me.” You stated.

Steven gave you a sympathetic frown, his eyes already pleading for forgiveness without having to say anything. “I would, truly, I would. But I’m sorry, I can’t. It’s…complicated.”

You shook your head, trying to ignore your throat tightening and your already stinging eyes. You wore a tight lipped smile, taking a deep breath and meeting his gaze once more. “You don’t have to apologize. You don’t owe me anything, it’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything.” You chuckled bitterly, quietly excusing yourself to the bathroom before Steven had a chance to say anything else.

You hated crying, for any reason; and you especially didn’t like crying because of someone else, it wasn’t worth it. But you couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as soon as you closed and locked the door to the store’s bathroom. You covered your mouth to muffle the inevitably whimpers and squeaks that escaped your lips. You prayed that Steven couldn’t hear you, if he was even still in the store. Probably not, you felt like you must’ve scared him off. But to your surprise, you froze in place when you saw him still at your register. You quickly noticed the item in his hands and your heart felt like it was going to implode.

Neatly wrapped in Egyptian themed wrapping paper, a sandy white texture decorated with gold hieroglyphics with a simple post-it note on top that read ‘Steven’, the book that you went through hell to get for the man but never ended up giving to him. A desperate attempt to get him to realize your growing feelings for him. The gesture felt silly now, you certainly felt silly as Steven looked at you expectantly. “Sorry, it’s just…it had my name on it.” He explained with a slight stutter. You cursed yourself for not just leaving it at home where it would be safe from prying eyes. Maybe you should’ve chosen a more subtle paper so that it wouldn’t stand out as much as the gold. “I didn’t want to open it without your permission.” Ever the gentleman, huh?

Despite not being in the friendliest mood and still recovering from your quick cry in the bathroom, you shrugged and motioned for him to go ahead and open it. If only he hadn’t found it, then you could’ve just given it away or something and never have to think about it again. That would’ve been easier.

You waited with bated breath as Steven gently unwrapped the gift, careful not to tear the paper too much, as if it cost more than seven pounds. You almost didn’t want to look at him as the actual book started to peek through, the title flashing in white bold font smack dab in the center of the cover. It was only when the wrapping paper was completely off did you steal a glance at Steven’s face.

Your heart pounded as Steven's face immediately lit up with pure happiness, a wide grin spreading across his face and his bright eyes glancing back and forth between you and the book. "It's the book I wanted..." He said in disbelief. "You...bought this for me?" He stuttered.

You shrugged. "Yeah, who else would it be for? There's no one else I know obsessed with Egyptian history."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to."

There was a deafening silence for a moment where Steven just looked at you with an expression you could only describe as awe, like you just hung the moon and stars and how lucky he must've been to be in your presence. But of course, your insecurities told you that wasn't the case, it would never be that case.

"Thank you..." He whispered, so softly you had to strain to hear it. "This means a lot to me, really. I'll pay you back."

"No." You said immediately. "No, Steven. It was a gift. I didn't get this for you and expected anything in return."

Steven sighed, placing the book down gently on the counter, taking a step closer to you. "Look, I-...I'm not good at not being my awkward self, especially in front of such a beautiful person. I never wanted you to be angry with me. I have a lot of secrets, and I know that doesn't sound like the type of person you'd want to spend your time with. But if you let me...I'd love to take you out. And maybe we could get close enough where I can tell you all those secrets. But I understand if you never wanna talk to me again..."

You were blushing fiercely, your cheeks heating up you could practically feel your blood boiling just beneath your skin. You never expected Steven to be so bold, even though it didn't exactly sound that bold with his stuttering and slight waver in his voice. But it flustered you all the same. You rarely ever met someone and wanted to know all their secrets, but he made it sound so alluring. Tantalizing, like learning more and more about him was some incredible journey you had the opportunity to venture on. Him disappearing for a while and not telling you why was one thing, but you could sense another red flag in that speech of his somewhere. But the way he was looking at you, his pleading eyes, those big brown enchanting eyes that you wanted to get lost in. You didn't have the heart to say anything but yes.

"You really want to go out with me?" You voiced almost breathlessly.

Steven smiled wide. "Of course I do, darling. Since the first time we had a conversation, you made me feel like I could have something in my life other than chaos. You made...you make me feel at peace."

You chuckled bashfully, practically putty in his hands already. "How chaotic could the life of a gift shop-ist be?"

"Go out on a date with me and I'll tell you. What do you say?"

"Yes." You smiled. "I say yes."

jeez, finally took a break from posting only smut lmao. i miss steven, my baby boy🥺

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

First meditation with Khaos, the vast void of space

Quick warnings: this is a pretty long post, but I'm using it as a way to record everything I remember happening during this meditation so it has things other than just what happened with Khaos! This is also actually originally written weeks ago, I just left it in my drafts for ages whoops.

Another note: I won't be using only she/her pronouns for Khaos in the future, although I don't think they give a singular fuck either way, I just am tired today and wanted to get this posted without having to edit it.

UPG disclaimer. Even the title is UPG, my personal associations with Khaos.

So, I had things to do and decided I wanted to have a proper chat with Loki about it. I started up my meditation music, grabbed whatever crystals felt right, and laid down.

One of the first things they did was hug me. I am someone who has issues with receiving love, and this caught me entirely off guard. Of course I go "wtf bitch you can't do that???" And he basically told me something along the lines of "fuck you I do what I want." (Note: Loki is deeply salty that I cannot remember their actual wording, as it did not have the boundary breaking "I hug you if I want no matter your thoughts on it" implications this wording does. Loki is big on boundaries being respected with me. I feel the need to write that down.)

But we chatted about a spell I was planning, and Loki- who promptly draped himself across a couple logs all dramatically- was very enthusiastic about helping. We went back and forth, I also brought up Apollo to say hello, and then I felt... someone on the edge of things. Apollo was pretty abruptly gone, which makes sense for reasons I'll explain in a moment.

Loki stepped beside me, and sort of had their arm over my shoulders in a distinctly protective manner. Thing is, nothing felt malicious, and I asked them why the hell they seemed so protective when I felt perfectly safe. They explained that I was safe, but "she's pretty fucking intimidating so you might need someone to keep you steady."

Enter Khaos. I realized it was her because instead of a humanoid, or even recognizable form, suddenly within the protected astral space I go when I meditate (I'll just call it "homespace" from now on) is this massive fucking orb of void.

Except this is much bigger, and the orb I was met with was only... "half" of one. Like it'd been sliced, a few solid chunks cut out, like when a video game renders wrong and certain chunks won't load. I actively tried to imagine it as whole, to change it- it wouldn't budge. When I took the above screenshot as a reference, seeing how tiny my character was compared to the in-game thing that I compared Khaos to, it brought a whole new meaning to Loki's explanation as to why it was only half of an orb.

"She's trying not to scare you."

Loki assured me that they would be with me the whole time, that we were not leaving homespace and the orb was completely within the protection of homespace, and we walked in. It was pitch black, void all around, and I could see Loki as if he was lit up in the middle of day but that was it. Khaos came out of the void, sort of appearing out of the "wall" of darkness- being formed from it herself as if it were liquid. I asked her what she had to say.

She looked at me, just smiled, and said "good luck."

I admit, I laughed. I pointed out that THAT sounded ominous as hell. I knew what she meant- she was genuinely wishing me luck, since I have a lot of growth ahead of me and working with her is going to be a pretty big deal for me. But at the time, I couldn't help but laugh. Later, when I was recounting this to my mom, I got a very clear image of hands of darkness holding a bright orb of light. Offering it to me. It wasn't just wishing me luck. It was a gift.

Not long after that, I was suddenly made more aware of my physical body in the form of an ant crawling across me. I got the ant off of me, and went back- only to find that I couldn't just go back to the void we were standing in. Loki met me where we originally had started, and confirmed that I wasn't able to go into her space uninvited. I told them I couldn't go through the process of getting further into a meditative state and walking back into the void, and they said it was okay.

And I swear to you, I'm not fucking with you when I say this is exactly what was said next.

Me: "So... It's so interesting- Is the only way to talk to her to go into the void, be consumed by her energy entirely?"

Khaos, suddenly behind me: "Sort of, but not entirely no."

Me, finding out that my startle reflex is just as bad in the astral: "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST-"

Khaos: "No." (As in no, she's not Jesus. /Lh I just feel like it might not be clear!)

You guys. She wasn't even trying to be funny. I adore Khaos already I'm gonna have a fucking great time.

[c2-eh]

I have little prompt! Carlos being really possesive over Charles? Like 'okay, you can talk with (put here other driver's name) but he can't touch you like that'

thank you for the prompt anon <33 i left it in my drafts for too long for no reason which was stupid but it's here already. hope you enjoy <3

Hot jealousy flaring through Carlos' veins was not something he expected to feel on this Friday afternoon.

Usually, all he felt was buzzing in his muscles, because of anticipation and slight nervousness before practice. Carlos always felt a little uneasy. Yes, he's been in Formula 1 for 7 years, but that doesn't change a fact that he would like to be as safe, and pretty much whole, after every second spent in the car.

Now, between the two practices, that take time every friday of race weeks, Carlos does not feel restless or nervous at all.

He's standing, leaned against the Ferrari garage, watching Charles chatting with Pierre animatedly. His arms are flying around, indicating he is talking about something interesting.

Charles only talks like this when he knows the other side is interested and knows he can trust them. He is reserved with people he does not know that well — too keen on keeping his good image. Carlos does not blame him for it. Being a professional athlete, under a scrutizing eye of so many people, takes its toll on you.

His bracelet adorned wrists fly out and Carlos can see Pierre tipping his head back, while he laughs loudly — the high pitched and loud laugh Carlos knows very well, having heard it around paddock too many times.

It means Charles probably said something funny.

Even though Carlos knows people mostly laugh at what Charles says just because he is famous f1 driver, this is Pierre. He never spares Charles with fake laughter or nice words. He is always direct and disses Charles (affectionately) on every occasion he gets.

Many times, Pierre brings up things that make Charles blush so deeply, Carlos thinks the red colour might stay imprinted on his cheeks forever. Often it's something Carlos has no knowledge of happening, but the truth is, Charles is not obligated to say everything that happens or had happened to him in his life before.

Smile spreads across Carlos' face as he watches Charles' body shaking with his signature laugh. He can clearly imagine his scrunched up face with his eyes creasing at the sides and his pearly white teeth peeking from under his lips.

But what Carlos loves the most are his dimples. Deep and present every time Charles widens his lips into a smile. He can't even remember how many times he has run his thumbs across them, pushing the pad of his finger into the little dent on his cheek.

Carlos stops paying attention to the rustling behind him and focuses his full attention on Charles. He knows he looks like a smitten idiot, but after too many articles calling him out for being too in love with Charles, he stopped paying attention. Before, he had been reading all of them.

To be honest, maybe he would read them, if they didn't accuse him of dating Charles only for the racing benefits, which is as far from truth as it could be.

But that is the story for another day.

Carlos' brown eyes track his boyfriends' moves in loving manner, soft smile playing on his lips.

But as fast as his smile appeared, it was wiped off his face just as quickly. Carlos sees as the long slender fingers find their place on Charles' waist, the other hand moving up and down his arm.

Carlos watches the fabric of Charles' fireproofs bunch up on his right shoulder, as Pierre's hand moves the fabric up, more forcefully than intended.

Still leaned against the building, although only by one shoulder now, so he could get a better view on his boyfriend, Carlos' brows furrow even deeper.

He didn't even realize he was doing it.

Carlos is not stupid. He knows Charles and Pierre are friends. Best friends even, but his possessive streak likes to make itself present at the worst possible times.

This probably wouldn't be that much of a problem if it was anyone else, but Charles told Carlos about the fling with Pierre from when they were younger. Cue why he feels so uneasy now.

He is not insecure, no. But Carlos knows how deep bonds with long time good friends can run. He's had his own fair share of it.

Without really acknowledging what he's doing, he's marching towards both of them. Charles has no chance of seeing him, considering he has his back turned towards him.

Carlos hopes at least Pierre will notice him, but no. He only sees French tightening his palm further down on Charles' shoulder.

Pierre notices him last minute, moving away, but not without ruffling Charles' hair in the process. Carlos sends him a death glare, before his arms find their place around Charles' waist.

"Hi," Carlos whispers into Charles' ear, kissing his neck. At first, he only leaves a quick peck at the juncture of his neck, before he moves down his shoulder, his fingers pulling the fabric of the top of his fireproofs away, for better acces.

And god, Charles' skin is so warm and smooth, Carlos want to bury his face into it every day and every minute of his life. He trails soft kisses along his shoulder and back up to his neck, not caring about the photographers "hidden" behind the buildings and the banners around the paddock.

"Ah, hello baby," Charles responds, his hands finding their place on Carlos' forearms. His fingers dance around Carlos' arms, moving up and down as he plays with the hair on his arms.

Carlos nudges Charles' jaw with his nose, wordlessly telling him what he wants from him.

Charles lifts his head with a smile on his face, the damn dimples on both of his cheeks. Carlos connects their lips, kissing him slowly at first, before he deepens the kiss, his tongue tracing the seams of his lips and then licking into his mouth.

"Oooh-kay, I think this is my cue to leave," Carlos hears Pierre say, awkward chuckle accompanying his sentence.

The way Charles immediately moves his head away does not sit right with Carlos, but he lets it slide.

It's only Pierre.

After quick – and overly heartfelt goodbye – Charles finally twists in Carlos' hold and puts his arms around Carlos' neck.

"So what was this about?" he asks, smirk on his lips.

"He can't touch you like that," Carlos blurts out, forgoing the stupid excuses like 'i have no idea what you're talking about' or 'nothing'. Charles knows him too well, either way he would figure out something was wrong.

"Pardon?" Charles lifts one eyebrow, but Carlos does not let himself be distracted by that.

"He shouldn't touch you like that. I don't know if you realize how touchy he is, or how close his hands are to your ass, but sometimes it bothers me," Carlos averts his gaze away from Charles' eyes, looking behind him at the green Aston Martin logo couple feet away.

Before Charles has a chance to say something, Carlos speaks up again, "I know it's unfair to say this, but you are mine. I am the only one allowed to touch you intimately. My hands are the only ones allowed to feel every inch of your skin. He runs his hand through your hair, caresses his fingers around your waist and I-" he cuts himself off and squeezes Charles' waist.

Is he overthinking? Probably yes, but he cannot help it.

"Mon beau, I only wanna feel your hands on my body and they are the only ones I need. I know you are a jealous idiot, but I only love and need you," playfull tone in Charles' voice makes Carlos smile and he can't stop himself from pecking him on both cheeks.

"I love you," the kiss they share is heated, but also decent enough for all the cameras following them and peeking from around every corner, "but you are still mine, baby. I will fight everybody and everyone for you. I love you."

"I love you too, mon amour."

[elizabethplaid]

morning note - may 21, 2024

Slept a lot over the weekend, with some instances of solid, quality hours. In between, I read on my phone*. Still having weird pinched nerves in my arms, but much better than before.

I'm clenching my hands and toes a lot, again, along with pelvic muscles, strangely enough. Nothing as bad as last week; just fatigue and needing to squeeze things.

This post-visit down-swing is def my senses trying to reset from being overwhelmed. This current state feels closer to what I've felt a lot so far this year. I wouldn't say this is "normal", but then again, it's the "new/current normal", just because it has been going on for so long. Is this the same as last year's normal? No, but life changes like that sometimes.

Idk if LL-J is back from her vacation, but I'm going to duck out of library regardless today. Next time I hang out with phone-friend, I am def planning a week or two's rest afterwards. Life is about learning and adapting, and that's exactly what I'm doing.

*Talk about what I've been reading below the cut:

The alien romance series I've been reading by Nancy Cummings (I think it's "Warlord Bride" or "Warrior Brides"? It's about the Mahdfell aliens) have been "leaving" the app. I'm halfway through book 9 of 10 in the series, and there's another supplemental story that deals with time travel.

Like most of the stories on the Readict app, they're short novels (idk the specs to make a novella versus novel). I can get through one in a few days, depending on how much I read at a time. They've got a promo right now where you earn "points" based on the amount of time you spend reading, not just chapters. If you read for over an hour, it's a good boost of points.

Normally, you just earn points by the number of chapters you read and the daily check-in. They let you skip ad breaks, which can sometimes happen multiple times in a "chapter". There's no consistent chapter length, but I'd estimate it's every 5-minutes worth of reading.

So with the points-boost, I've been breezing through chapters more easily. I really like this series, because each installment builds on the last, prompting you to read them all and read them in the right order. A few have concurrent events, but it's usually one-after-the-other.

Book 8 (Jaxor) and 9 (Havik) deal with a couple that had split up, then each finding new mates. The woman had a miscarriage and was told her mate rejected her, so she had to return to earth. The alien-man was told both the child and his wife had passed away, so he was in mourning for quite some time before learning the truth. When they reunited, both had grown as people and realized they were not compatible emotionally. She ended up with Jaxor, and he (Havik) is falling for someone new while on a spy mission.

The series hints at the constant risk of dangerous pregnancies, though we get few instances of direct scenes. There's a background of eugenics to things, along with characters bound by "the draft" or the "alien-earth treaty". The Mahdfel were a genetically engineered species that cannot produce female offspring, though they are compatible with many other species and often resemble the mother's race. Warriors, "engineered to fight and fuck". Lots of the guys are himbos, most have trouble listening and adapting to the "delicate" Terrans (earth women). They're either stubborn or humorous, in these instances of miscommunication.

I don't like instances that divide genders by "styles of thinking". Like the classic 90s "Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus". There's so much more nuance to individuals, especially if you factor in backgrounds and upbringing. So to... is it subverting the trope? Idk, but making the "differences in communication" be due to different cultures and species/races feels better in my heart.

The series has a lot of humorous moments, several heartfelt and heart-racing moments (action and -action-), and instances where both characters can be wrong and both will apologize. They are all "happily ever after" endings, no cheating, usually all ending with pregnancy and/or children. In "Jaxor", Vanessa had a heart condition, so she couldn't have biological children. The couple were open to adoption later, though it was just the two of them by the end of that book.

This stuff should probably get a separate post, because it's been so lovely for me to read. Guess I'll copy-pasta this later. I took some good screenshots of a few different quotes I liked.

I know it speaks to the cultural depth of the characters, but I really loved how they cherished each other. Some scenes were spoken with reverence, knowing how close to death their continued existence was and how much family they had already lost. The hardened warriors softening their hearts - or finally being able to express their hearts to someone who could reciprocate - made me tear up a few times.

I long for stories that parallel how I need support in my own life - that my future long-term partner will have to adapt to my neurodivergence and assist me in daily tasks. Seeing these characters overcome these obstacles and differences for the sake of their hearts is very fulfilling.

Bonus that most of these himbos are really tall and have curling horns. Most are shades of purple and red, but I'm not into that. One flavor of alien hybrid has a scorpion tail with an aphrodisiac; very much NOT into that one.

[thethistlegirlwrites]

WIP Questionnaire

Thanks for the open tag, @verba-writing !

I'll do these for Thief of Hearts since it's my Camp Nano April WIP!

What was the first part of your wip that you created?

So, fun story, I actually came up with the base premise of this idea almost 10 years ago. My freshman year of college (2014-15, *gasp*) my roommate and I binge watched Criminal Minds, and we got through episode 3.02 and my brain apparently decided to take 'what if stealing hearts was a little more metaphorical than this but more literal than the usual meaning', wrote down a title and tagline, then forgot it for the next nine years until I found it while spring cleaning my Google drive.

If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

I want to say "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri just because it's too good to pass up how specifically it works, but I also think "Things that Stop You Dreaming" by Passenger really fits the whole world of the story really well, so either of those two.

Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

For this story? Definitely Emmett and Rory. Making me choose between them would be like making me choose a favorite child. They're both delightfully flawed, morally grey, and just trying to make it in a city that kind of wants to kill them. Emmett has a knack for making the worst possible decisions without realizing that's what he's doing, Rory is ruthless and probably would have been described as heartless BEFORE Emmett actually stole her heart, and they've just generally been very fun to throw together, force to work on the same side, and watch the sparks (and occasional knife) fly.

What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

I think oddly enough this one is going to appeal to dystopia lovers as much or more than pure fantasy readers. I just read a Korean YA novel in translation, Snowglobe, that basically was an inverted version of the perpetual winter city in TOH, and really felt like that was a fairly close comparative story. Aside from that, I'm not really sure. I like a plethora of weird things that shouldn't go together so I'm not sure at all of what a shared fan base looks like. I'm always cobbling together my projects out of bizarre combinations of inspiration sources and I have zero idea where they will land or what will be a hit with anyone besides me and the few people who get to listen to me bemoan the writing process and read the chaotic early drafts.

What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

Timing of the plotline. I've been constantly changing when things happen because all the action is crammed into a 48 hour window but ironically that's turned out to be MORE time than I know what to do with given the pace the plot needs to have, so I'm finding ways to flesh things out and frustrate some of the characters' plans so that it's not all over TOO fast.

Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

Rory has a pet magical pigeon named Blizzard. He's been affected by the magic that floods the city of Rime, and while he's adapted to endure the extreme cold and see in the perpetual dark, he's nearly flightless because of one wing that is more or less just a warped stub. He's going to be fun to flesh out as a part of the story, and he's sort of Rory's answering service when she's out making a messenger delivery, since people can leave messages they want sent in a little pouch he wears on his back while he's on duty. It would be nearly impossible to have more than one generation of animal in the city without them mutating because of the magic, so most people don't even bother. Small animals that pose minimal risk if their descendants develop magical powers or strange features like foot-long fangs are the only regularly kept animals in Rime, and since most people can't afford to feed themselves and a pet, there's very few domesticated creatures at all.

How do your characters get around? (ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

Mostly on foot, or by ship if they're leaving the city by the port. Keeping large animals in Rime would be costly and that's prohibitive for most people, and the large animals that can manage the winters are mostly the local caribou population, which have been affected by the magic much like Rory's pigeon. Someone might be able to ride them, but it also might end very badly.

What part of your wip are you working on rn?

Drafting. I've gotten the main plot points knocked out, but I'm filling in the gaps and trying to plot a daring rescue right along with my characters, so that's fun. Mostly I'm just following them around with a clipboard and pencil trying to take notes and keep up and getting whiplash from watching them argue about any and everything.

What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

I'm hoping the worldbuilding is a big draw because that's always the part of a project I go crazy with. I hope people find the idea of a magic-warded permanently winter city where daylight is basically a version of the northern lights appealing enough to be curious. My other big draw is the characters, because I personally love them very much and I hope other people do too. I do have a few fun tropes but a lot of them are skewed slightly to the side, like the kind of chaotic enemies-to-coparents arc and sharing body warmth but also half convinced the other person will kill you when you fall asleep.

What are your hopes for your wip?

Honestly, just that people get to enjoy it and fall in love with the characters the way I did. I would genuinely love to log onto Tumblr and see that someone had made fan art of them, or a moodboard, or to realize a fic category had appeared on AO3 (one of my draft beta readers @nade2308 already wrote a soft cute slice-of-life future fic after bingereading what there was of the draft to see, and I'm genuinely just floored and gleeful about that fact). I'm also sort of lurking like a gremlin ready to watch people lose it over my 'strong female character' choosing to parent a child as the culmination of her arc. Yes, Rory can kill you about ten ways but one of those is to mom you to death. And like the menace I am (and having seen the discourse on Tumblr) I am doing the evil hand rubbing waiting for the response to that one...

No pressure tagging @catwings-writes-things , @nade2308writes, @telltaleclerk, @the-one-and-only-valkyrie, @imbrisvastatio and anyone else who wants to hop on the train for this one!

Questions are:

1. What was the first part of your wip that you created?

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

3. Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

4. What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

7. How do your characters get around? (ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

8. What part of your wip are you working on rn?

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

10. What are your hopes for your wip?

[spaceratprodigy]

WIP Last-Line Tag ✏

Thank you for the tag @the-lastcall 💖💫

The last thing I wrote was a second draft to a prompt that was very personal to me. I haven't shared this lil short story yet because it's not ready or polished in any capacity and tbh I'm not sure if I ever wanna share the whole thing.

It's not really any secret that Captain Faith is quite literally just.. Me! But she is also a great source of comfort for me, an outlet, a way to not feel so lost or alone.. I don't really always like talking in depth abt my mental health or trauma so I won't get into so many details but this prompt specifically was my outlet for experiences with becoming so overwhelmed/overstimulated/etc that I become non-verbal and more specifically a time I was so distressed I began to panic and I couldn't see, hear, speak, breathe, and I just collapsed on the floor and remember my bf desperately trying to get me up and calm me down.

Not exactly a happy prompt but I find a lot of comfort in creating. This short story was purely for myself, purely just needing to get it out of my system, and just wanting to write a happier ending of knowing that sometimes there really are others out there that care about your wellbeing.

So without further ado, here are the actual last lines I wrote (scribbled furiously on this piece of paper is more like it, my goodness):

The realization of what Max just said finally hit her. Still feeling embarrassed with herself, she looked down and brought her fingers back up to the buttons.

[You really brought this just for me?] she typed.

Max felt a slight warmth in his cheeks. "Captain, your bag is always filled with things you can use to help us." He couldn't hold it in any longer. "I admire your care and dedication, but I am not fond of knowing how often you put yourself last."

There was a sternness in the Vicar's voice, one he had not shown her since the day they met.

"You isolate yourself, you bottle everything up, you don't allow yourself time to rest or grieve-"

Faith looked away from him. She hadn't realized how much concern she had been causing.

Max paused, then sighed deeply. Those last parts may not have been coming out sounding as composed as he'd have liked them to.

His voice calmed, but his eyes never left Faith. "I want you to take care of yourself and.." he started to pause again. Max was no stranger to talking, to listening to the troubles of others. When it came to Faith, however, he worried about saying the wrong thing.

"..I want to help if I can. That's why I've been packing my own bag with things I could use to help you."

Faith had tears welling in her eyes by this point. She's never known this kind of comfort. No one in her life has ever dedicated themselves to showing her this kind of generosity. Least of all she had no idea how much effort Vicar Max had been dedicating just to making sure she would be well taken care of in case something bad were to happen. Again.

Faith scooted herself just a little bit closer to Max.

He bent his head down closer to her ear and began to speak softly. "You're not alone anymore, Faith" he whispered. "You can always come talk to me if you need anything."

He never calls me by my name

She thought to herself, feeling her cheeks get hot.

They sat together in silence for a few minutes, listening to the breeze rustling the leaves. There was a great comfort in having a moment of peace. In having him next to her, refusing to leave her side.

Finally, she turned the datapad towards him again.

[Could you please keep talking to me?]

Faith could have sworn there was a hint of a smile on his face when he looked at her. His eyes and his voice softened.

"Of course, Captain."

[mareenavee]

for the fanfic asks, 1, 3 and 15!

Hello! :D Thank you so much for asking these. I particularly love this set of questions.

The ask game is just here.

Fanfic asks for my fic, The World on Our Shoulders!

Without further ado, onward to the answers! :D

1. What inspired you to write/update this work?

I did talk about the origin of my fic a little bit here. What inspired me to update it? Well. I could talk about the ground-up edit.

I had been writing this as sort of a challenge mode back in February, getting the draft down on paper and posting every day just to prove to myself that I could. By the time the challenge ended, I had over 100k words, which was more than my goal (it was more or less a NaNoWriMo challenge I made for myself) and I was able to go back, read it with fresh eyes, and realize pieces that weren't hitting the way I wanted them to. So I decided to go back in and edit iirc somewhere before April. I had something like 52 chapters posted by then lol. So it was a big undertaking. I had plot threads I'd dropped, I had characters whose voices weren't coming through in the way that I hoped. There'd been some waffling about phrasing and word choices and scenes that just felt rushed.

This time, though, instead of simply just feeling awful about my work I decided it could do with some love. So I took the time to start revisions and didn't post anything until I had a big chunk of the story ready to be proofread and edited more ahead of a posting schedule. I've been adding in an extra chapter update or two here or there on certain weeks. But anyway, the inspiration behind updating this is because I want it to be the kind of story I wanted to read, but could not find, even in its first iteration. (: All I can do is hope I'm doing it justice.

3. If this work is an update/new chapter, how do you stay motivated on multi-chapter works? 

I am motivated to keep updating this thing because the story is living rent free in my head, and what else am I going to do but write it if it's allowed to clatter around in there anyway? (: LOL But no, seriously, I'm invested in the characters at this point. It's a personal challenge besides that, which I was going over here and here. I just wanna write a fun story besides all that. I figured, what is the most dramatic thing that can happen to an NPC who discovers they're the dragonborn? WELL. After a series of bad decisions on her part, we have the prologue of World lol. It's more than that, of course, but still. (:

15. What is one question you wish someone would ask you about this work? Ask it and answer it.

OH another one of these, my poor brain LOL. Okay. Here goes nothing! (Thank you, btw. I love having to really think about my work like this!)

Are there alternate ways this story could have gone? Do you have plans to make what-if sort of stories for this series?

I've been wanting to write a series of shortfics or one shots that go over alternate events counter to what happens in World, really, because I think it's important for writing practice and for reaffirming that, while the alternate story is fun and good to think about, you're on the right path with how you've been going in your project (:

Some of the questions I ask myself are:

"What would have happened if Nyenna and Eris actually made it to Solstheim as intended?"

"What if she stayed with Hadvar and went straight to Solitude?"

"What if Nyenna rejected Athis?"

"What if she never learned magic?"

"What if she wasn't the Last Dragonborn? Who would be?"

Among so, so many others. All of them would have affected her character arc in some significant way. Most of them would still have her being pulled into her destiny, though, except that last one. Most of them would have her missing out on trusting herself to get stronger, especially the first one. Some of them would shift the whole setting of the story to a different part of Skyrim altogether, and a setting shift has the ability to change the tone of the whole story, if you think about it.

I want to take a minute to answer those what-ifs briefly.

1: She'd have never been guided to reconnect with her power. Teldryn probably would have seen her just as another traveler, not as a patron. He might have left for Skyrim without her the following morning. She'd have to be saved from a dragon, likely, instead of do the saving or escaping on her own, before the whole soul absorption thing happens.

2: She'd have joined the Legion, likely, convinced she could be anything she put her mind to. She'd be a good soldier, and of course would stand and fight a random dragon with Hadvar in the battalion at her side. She'd discover her powers and then Tullius would, sensing an opportunity, use her in his plans to end the war as quickly as possible. If either of them survived to the end of either quest, she'd probably hire Hadvar as her housecarl. Or maybe marry him instead.

3: Athis is quite smitten with Nyenna at the beginning of their story. If Nyenna wasn't so rash and grabby-hands about that kind of attention, she'd probably have been nice enough to him, but would have focused on recovery first and then moving on toward Solstheim as was her original intention. I like the idea that she'd discover she's Dragonborn on Solstheim rather than at the watchtower, though... it'd be interesting considering she'd not have trained at all in this situation, too.

4: If all went exactly as the fic was going, but she never learned Flames to begin with, she'd not have known she had a bit of an unusual aptitude for magic. It would affect how she'd fight. She'd probably still focus on archery, I'd assume, but also would need to have an even better handle on fighting with weapons that actually have weight to them. I feel like she'd fit the image the Nords have of the LDB a little better. Also, without healing magic, Athis probably would have died at a certain point. Twice she'd been there to staunch the bleeding and close wounds when others couldn't or didn't. So that would have complicated things.

5: If Nyenna wasn't the Dragonborn but everything went exactly as the fic is going, I'd have given that to Athis, I think. He wishes more than once over the course of the story that he could have been chosen, mostly regretting being unable to take the burden off of her. If that was the case, I wonder how Nyenna would have reacted to being the wife of the Dragonborn. I feel like Athis would have prioritized her anyway, even in the wake of the quest. I don't know if Nyenna would have stayed home per se. She'd probably have still been training and retrieving artifacts. She'd probably have gone with Athis on some pieces of the quest, too, because he wouldn't have thought HE was the one causing the chaos and danger as Nyenna believes in World.

So yes. Alternate what-if fics :D If I were to write a one shot of any of these, would you guys like to see a specific one? Feel free to comment or send me asks and I can also write fragments out, maybe, of certain changed scenes as writing practice. <3