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writingforstraykids · 1 year ago

Note

I keep thinking about dilf!Felix like him being your besties dad or something….

-🎀

I swear I've been staring at this for so long, debating if I should do a full fic or just some thoughts. Well, thank my dear Azzy @galaxycatdrawz for this, because you made his thoughts go wild. Basically I just had to transform his whole little plan into a fic. There will be 2nd chapter (including smut) but have fun with this for now.🖤

Finding home in your heart

Pairing: Felix x fem!reader (mention of Minchan | Jisung)

Word Count: 7571

Summary: Felix got cheated on by his wife repeatedly and ends up heartbroken after the discovery. His adoptive daughter, your best friend, tells you the whole story and asks you to move in as you're struggling to find a place. Your only problem; you had a crush on Felix for ages and living with him isn't making it easier...

Warnings/Tags: angst, emotional hurt!comfort, fluff, insecure!lix, domestic shit, baking, cuddles, slowburn (ig?), first kiss, age difference (8 years, it's legal since this fic is for adults, chill out)

PART TWO

do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works in any way here or on other platforms. ©️writingforstraykids 2024 -

Felix’s love life had been nothing but a steady stream of predictable days blending into years. He would have never doubted his beautiful wife and would have never second-guessed her love for him. They had gotten married early and soon found out his wife was incapable of carrying his children. So, after some consideration, they adopted a young girl and raised her like their own. She had grown into a smart young woman, and Felix couldn’t be more proud of her. Given the age gap of only ten years he had always been rather close with her and later you, her best friend.

One night he decided to surprise his wife, coming home early as his daughter was staying at yours. What greeted him wasn’t the usual warmth and coziness of his home but the sight of his wife in a certain setting no man wants to find the love of his life in with another man. For a moment, Felix found himself frozen in place, the safe foundation of his life slowly crumbling away beneath his feet. He whispered her name in disbelief, only to find out that this had been going on for years. Felix felt like his whole life shattered to pieces and the betrayal left an ugly taste of bitterness on his lips. How the hell was he supposed to get out of this?

“And then she just left,” your best friend ends her story, and your eyes grow even wider than they have already been.

“You’re kidding?” you ask, shocked.

“Apparently, she said something about how this shit has been going on for years, that she never really loved him, and that she’ll leave until he finds a new place,” she rages on and paces her bedroom angrily. “Oh, and I’m just another burden he talked her into,” she scoffs, and your frown deepens.

“You won’t stay here, right?” you ask cautiously. You can’t imagine she will, but still.

“Oh, hell no. I’ll go with Dad, she can piss off,” she shakes her head and drops onto her mattress. “The perk of being not related to her is that I can push her out of my life for good,” she snorts, and you gently pat her back. “I feel so bad for him,” she sighs.

“It must’ve been a huge shock,” you nod, your heart feeling heavy. Felix has always been kind to you from day one. Whenever your family was struggling, he helped out, even if it was simply by taking you with them to theme parks, the movies, or shopping. Felix was only eight years older than you and ten years older than your best friend, so the older you got, the more he felt like an older friend instead of your best friend’s father. Also, he was stunningly handsome, but that wasn’t relevant right now.

“He’s trying to hide it, but I know how shitty he feels right now,” she tells you worriedly. “I mean, he’s never been with anyone else and-.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” you assure her gently. “He has such a kind heart, I’m sure someone will love him, truly.”

“I will thoroughly check the next person. You’ll have to help me then, go all detective on them,” she smirks, and you agree, laughing.

A gentle knock at the door interrupts you, and Felix opens the door flashing you a tired smile as a greeting before glancing at his daughter. “Channie called, he has a spare place we can have.”

“Just like that?” she asks baffled.

Felix chuckles weakly and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, just like that. I told him I’d pay, but Minho insisted they don’t need the place, and it’s all paid off.”

“How convenient,” she smirks and rolls her eyes. “Typical uncle Min,” she grins.

“Yeah,” he laughs and sighs softly. “You think you can get everything ready in the next few days?”

“You really can’t wait to get out of here, huh?” she laughs, and his smile dies, eyes clouding with pain.

“Yeah, I guess,” he nods and clears his throat as his daughter looks at him apologetically. “Well, let me know when you’re hungry, and we can order something,” he announces, putting on a smile and quickly pulling the door closed.

“See?” she whispers. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

You hum gently and pat your best friend’s knee. “Well, I can help you move, I have nothing to do those next few weeks.”

“You’re so sweet,” she giggles and hops up, ripping the door open. “Dad, Y/nnie says she’s gonna help us move our stuff!” she shouts downstairs.

“Lovely,” Felix shouts back halfheartedly and flinches as his daughter slams the door closed again. “Fucks sake, this woman,” he snorts and stands still in the living room for a moment. He chews on his lower lip as the many memories he made in this very room crash over him like a wave, trying to drown him. “You’re such a dumbass,” he whispers to himself.

“No, you’re not, she’s just a massive bitch,” you speak up gently, suddenly standing in the living room with him.

He blinks at you with wide, confused eyes before a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “Mhm, you could say that. Doesn’t make me any wiser, letting her fool me for the past ten years,” he huffs softly and rubs his face. “I just feel bad for her,” he says, and you know he means your best friend upstairs. “All I always wanted for her was a stable home after everything she went through.”

“Look at her, you did great,” you tell him, and he chuckles weakly.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this,” he waves you off and blinks at you surprised as you offer him a hug. He accepts it after a short moment of hesitation and bites back a laugh as you pat his back encouragingly.

“You’ll be okay…she’ll never find someone better, so fuck her. It’s her loss,” you tell him, and Felix snorts before letting go of you and grabbing his phone.

“We’ll see,” he hums softly, subtly bringing some distance between the two of you again. “You’re gonna stay for dinner?” he asks, and you gently shake your head.

“I promised Mum I’d be home for dinner today,” you tell him, and he nods gently.

“You need a ride?” he offers, and you wave him off.

“I’ll be fine, promise,” you assure him and exchange your goodbyes.

One week later

You put down the boxes you carried inside and look around with wide eyes. “Wow, Min wasn’t lying. This place is huge.”

“Right? I didn’t quite believe it as well,” your best friend giggles and puts down her boxes as well.

“Why would I lie about that, huh?” Minho asks playfully offended, adding some boxes on the floor next to yours. “You think we’d give your dad and you some shabby place? You think that lowly of us?”

Chan pokes his side, making him squeak and giggles as Minho playfully raises his fists to fight him. “Relax, no one’s calling you a liar, baby.”

“Sure hope so,” he teases and naturally intertwines their hands, pulling Chan with him. “You haven’t seen the view from up here yet,” he announces and waves you after him.

You follow the pair of them onto the huge balcony, and your breath hitches. From up here, you can see parts of the city and the ocean, and still it’s so peaceful up here.

“How’s your dad, kiddo?” Minho asks your best friend after a moment of comfortable silence.

“Worse than he admits,” she answers, and Minho hums gently. “If you ask me, he’s fucking heartbroken and feels worthless. If you ask him, he’s okay and just a little caught up in his thoughts,” she further explains.

“Give him time,” Chan tells her gently and sighs, looking down at the ocean. “Ten years is a lot, you know?”

The door to the balcony opens, and Felix steps outside, laughing at you all. “Seriously? You’re out here enjoying the view while I’m carrying all those boxes?” he asks, and you all start laughing before hurrying back inside to help him.

Once everything is inside, Minho and Chan give you a tour through the house and you wonder what Felix and your friend would do with all this space. The couple soon leaves again to give them some space to settle in.

Your best friend strolls through the house and frowns softly. “You’re alright?” Felix asks her, frowning softly. “I know it’s not home, but we can make it work, it’ll just need some time and-.”

“Dad, home is wherever you are, relax,” she laughs, and Felix nods, stunned, looking adorably touched by her words. “I just…this place is huge.”

“It is,” he nods. “I have no idea what the hell they had planned for this.”

“Nothing useful, as Min put it,” you chime in, and Felix grins at your remark.

“I’ll feel so lonely here if you’re at work,” she speaks up after a moment, and Felix’s face softens.

“Dear, there’ll be a point in your life when you move out and everything. I won’t always be around,” he says, and she glares at him.

“Don’t say shit like that, you’re only ten years older than I am, it’ll take a while,” she points out, and he snorts but gives in, remaining quiet. “Y/nnie, how’s the hunt for a flat going?” she asks.

“I already told you it’s shit,” you sigh softly, not quite picking up on her true intentions behind that question. “It’s either too expensive or so much out of town it’s not exactly convenient.”

“Oh, you’re going to move out?” Felix asks, busying himself with one of the boxes.

“I want to, my parents could use the space for something else,” you nod.

“Dad?” she asks, drawing out the word with a sweet tone.

“What do you want?” he asks, not even looking up.

“She could move in with us,” she says, and you frown at her. Felix looks up, confused, and tilts his head at her. “She can’t find a place, I worry about getting lonely here…you could use some more company as well before you’re fully depressed and-.”

“Will you stop?” he snaps at her. “I’m not depressed, I’m fine besides the fact that I got cheated on after wasting ten years of my life,” he continues and shakes his head at her. “Stop reading into it that much, I’ll start believing you at this point.”

You lower your gaze at the floor and awkwardly shuffle on your feet. “Gosh, relax,” she sighs. “That just proved my point.”

Felix throws the contents of the box back inside and pushes himself up. “I’m getting some fresh air. And yes, you can move in if you want to, it’s not like we’d lack space or whatever,” he says before leaving the two of you.

“Nice one,” you sigh softly.

“What?” she groans and rolls her eyes. “You know I’m right.”

“And that makes it better?” you chuckle, and she huffs softly. “Fine, fine, I’ll go apologize…but would you?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh softly. “I’d feel like I’m intruding,” you argue gently.

“Never,” she shakes her head firmly. “Also, you’re here every day anyway, so nothing changes,” she grins before sighing softly. “Dad?” she shouts, and you roll your eyes at her.

Should you? Move in with your best friend and her heartbroken, conveniently handsome adoptive father? That could only go wrong, right?

You join them on the balcony and sigh softly, meeting your best friend’s eyes. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

She shouts in joy and pulls you into a tight hug, hopping excitedly. “You’re the best best friend I could’ve ever wished for!”

“Yeah, yeah,” you chuckle and roll your eyes playfully, catching Felix smirking at the two of you.

Three weeks later

You hum to yourself as you make your way from the kitchen to the living room area. Your best friend is staying the night at her boyfriend’s, and Felix is out on Stray Kids duty, as you jokingly call it. So, for now, you have the whole house to yourself. You moved in fully about two weeks ago, and your new room is bigger than you ever dared to imagine. There’s an attached bathroom as well, and your few things look ridiculous, trying to fill up all that space you have now.

You grab your phone and check your messages before scrolling through some news. Refreshing the page, a new article appears on top, and you realize it’s about Felix. Curiously, you click on it, and your eyes widen, realizing it’s about what happened with his wife. You read through it and smile sadly; Felix seems to have tried putting it as respectfully and vague as he could. You don’t support what that woman did for years one bit, but you also know how their fans can get so you’re glad Felix tries to stay neutral in public.

You glance up from your phone as the front door opens downstairs, and Felix comes up the stairs only a little later. Looking at him, you can tell he was crying, and your heart sinks to your stomach, seeing how tired he looks. His eyes meet yours, and you swallow softly as he stops in his tracks as if he just remembered you live here as well. “You’re okay?” you ask softly, and for the first time in weeks, Felix shakes his head.

“Not really, no,” he admits, his voice a little raspy. You can tell he’s fighting back tears, and you gently pat the spot next to you on the sofa. Felix momentarily searches your eyes before moving forward and dropping down on the sofa next to you. “I know it’s my own fault because I took off my wedding ring but I didn’t expect them to ask already,” he tells you quietly and nervously fidgets with his hands. “Chan told me to be honest before she comes up with something that’ll drag me down.”

“I think you’ve handled it quite well,” you tell him gently, and he groans in response.

“Already online, huh?” he sighs, and you hum softly. Felix throws his head back against the sofa and stares up at the ceiling. You can’t help but take in his side profile and let your eyes wander down his neck. “I hate this.”

“Hate what?” you ask gently.

“I have to have an explanation for everything as if I’d know why she cheated. Maybe it’s because I’ve been gone often with all our schedules. Maybe she got bored. Maybe she just saw past that facade of fame and sunshine behavior and realized I’m not as lovable as everyone thinks I am,” he huffs, making you frown at him. “Maybe she never loved me in the first place, and I can’t even blame her for that.”

“Stop it now,” you scold him firmly and Felix turns his head, blinking at you. “Have you ever considered that maybe she’s just a massive bitch and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you?”

“Not really, no,” he shakes his head and sits up straight again. “That’s rather unlikely, isn’t it? There’s always a reason people cheat.”

“Sometimes it’s simply stupidity,” you insist. “Not everything is your fault, Felix.”

“Why does it feel like it then?” he asks quietly, and your heart breaks at the desperate glint in his eyes. “Why does it feel like I’m the one who fucked it all up? And why doesn’t she care one bit, and I’m here feeling like complete shit?”

“Because you loved her,” you say quietly and watch his face fall. “She didn’t try to make it right, did she? She didn’t protest when you suggested a divorce.” Felix shakes his head, eyes brimming with tears. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe she never loved you for who you truly are. Maybe all she saw was the fame, the money, the places you went to…but how is that your fault?”

“I…I should’ve known,” he says quietly, his lower lip quivering a little.

“You can’t know that shit if they’re good at hiding and pretending. Who knows how long she could’ve kept up that show if you hadn’t come home early that day?” you ask, and Felix avoids your observant gaze, staring down at his hands. “The only thing you’re at fault for is beating yourself up for this and thinking you’re worthless.”

Felix remains quiet and presses his lips together tightly as hot tears run down his cheeks. His hair falls into his face as his head hangs low, and you can only tell as he sniffles softly. You hesitantly reach out for him and rub his back soothingly. Felix whispers an apology and buries his face in his hands, a quiet sob rippling through his body. You don’t know where you get the confidence from, but you move before you can reconsider what you’re about to do. Wrapping your arm around him, you pull him into a warm embrace and gently rub his shoulder. Felix tenses up briefly before he relaxes into your touch, allowing himself the comfort you spend.

It doesn’t last for all too long, and Felix pushes himself off the sofa, messily wiping his cheeks. “Sorry, I shouldn’t-,” he stammers and exhales shakily. “I shouldn’t dump this all on you.”

“I don’t-” you start and shut your mouth as he raises his hand to stop you.

“I know you don’t mind. I know,” he says and shakily wipes his cheek. “That doesn’t make it any better. I appreciate you trying to help, but I’ll go before I start unloading even more nonsense,” he sniffles and flashes you a sad smile. “Thank you, though.”

“You’re welcome,” you nod gently and watch him leave. Only then do you notice your heart racing in your chest and the wet patch of his tears in your sweater. “So much to keeping boundaries, Y/n,” you scold yourself, rubbing your face tiredly.

Felix closes the door to his room and buries his face in his hands with a soft groan. “What the fuck are you doing?” he whispers and stands still for a moment. What is he doing, sobbing in his daughter’s best friend’s arms? Is he going insane? Felix closes his eyes and tries to forget how comfortable your hug felt, how good you smelled, and how soothing your presence was to him. “Fuck,” he whispers into the emptiness of his room.

One week later

Your heart thumps loudly in your chest as you walk down the hallway, clutching your visitor pass. Your best friend asked you to pick up Felix from work tonight because she had to work late and would then stay at her boyfriend's again. Would he think weirdly of you for it? He's been avoiding you a little after that emotional breakdown a week ago, and you can't blame him.

You reach Chan's studio and knock gently, letting yourself in.

“Oh, Y/nnie,” Chan greets you cheerfully.

“Haven't seen you here in a while,” Minho adds curiously.

“Yeah, uh, I have to pick up Felix,” you say, and they frown.

“I thought-”

“No, she's working late and staying at her boyfriend's or something like that,” you shrug your shoulders.

“She asks you to move in so she isn't lonely and leaves all the time,” Minho shakes his head, amused. “Well, at least someone's keeping an eye on Lix, then.”

“Mhm, yeah,” you nod. “Where is he?”

“In the practice room down the hallway. Uh…he's in a shit mood today,” Minho tells you.

“Define shit mood,” you chuckle.

“Everything is shit, nothing works, he's useless,” Chan sighs softly and shakes his head. “We tried.”

You sigh heavily and roll your eyes. “Fine, I'll do my best.”

“Good luck,” Chan giggles.

Only a little later, you open the door to the practice room and slip inside. You frown as you spot Felix stretched out on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. “I swear, Channie, if you're here to tell me another bad joke that's supposed to make me laugh, I'll snap,” he announces.

You stop next to him and tilt your head at him. “Not Channie,” you say. “What's that supposed to be?” you ask, vaguely waving at his current position.

“It's my new favorite yoga position called utter depression,” he says dryly and throws you a peace sign. “That's I'm a failure, what's your name?”

“Chan wasn't lying,” you nod slowly.

“Did Chan call you? Seriously?” he asks, sitting up on his elbows.

“No. In fact, it was your lovely daughter asking me to come pick you up. She's working late, and then she'll stay over at her boyfriend's.”

“I still can't believe she asked you to move in so she wouldn't be lonely, and now she's barely home,” Felix snorts and groans softly.

“Mhm, you guys are repeating yourselves, Min said the same thing,” you tell him and gently poke his side with your shoe. “What's going on, Mr. utter depression?”

“Nothing, as you can see,” he sighs. “I fucked up during practice today. Minho only didn't call me out for all the mistakes because he felt sorry for me at the time,” he tells you.

“And that led you down the good old road to self-hatred?” you ask, sitting down on the floor next to him.

“Maybe,” he answers vaguely.

“Surely,” you correct him. “Lix?” you ask gently, and he turns his head toward you. “Have you eaten yet?”

“No,” he shakes his head as his eyes trace your features.

“We could take a walk and grab some food on the way. We don't have to talk or anything. It's just for you to clear your head and empty all that garbage you keep up there,” you tell him, tugging a small smile at the corner of his lips.

“Yeah, okay,” he nods.

You exchange your goodbyes with Min and Chan, who secretly throw some hearts your way when Felix isn't looking. Idiots.

After that evening, it all got easier again. You didn't talk much that day, but the fresh air, bright lights, and warm food had lightened Felix's mood immensely. Over the following two weeks, you two grew closer, and Felix allowed himself to be more open. With your best friend gone quite frequently, it was often only you and him.

The more time you spent together, the more you realized how ridiculously perfect Felix was. His beautiful brown eyes, soft features adorned by all those sweet freckles, and blond hair falling around his face made your stomach flip. His sweet smile and even prettier laugh made you feel like winning a trophy every time you were the reason for it. He's so kind and polite that it makes your head spin.

Felix can't quite stop himself from looking at you whenever you don't notice. The more time you spend, the more he notices how beautiful you are. How caring and gentle. Your smile brightens his days and he can't fully shake the longing to be in your arms again off. He hasn't felt as comfortable around someone in a while, and there's a lingering worry in the back of his head telling him that he really shouldn't allow himself to fall for you. It only gets worse watching you doing the most mundane things and wishing that you wouldn't leave again.

Another two weeks later your best friend announces she'll be abroad for a holiday with her boyfriend for two weeks. Two weeks. It'll only be Felix and you for fourteen days. That thought wasn't helping your anxious heart, trying not to fall for him at all.

You decided to make the best out of it and forget about your worries. Seeing Felix smile again was all that counted.

The first morning, Felix tiredly strolls down the hallway from his room and stops in his tracks when he sees you at the stove. A sweet scent lingers in the kitchen, and he realizes you're making pancakes for breakfast. His heart picks up pace, and he takes a deep breath, reminding himself to act normal. “Morning,” he says, not knowing that his even deeper morning voice sends shivers down your spine.

“Good morning,” you smile at him, bright as ever. He has to look somewhere else to stop himself from blushing. “Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes,” you tell him, and he hums softly.

Felix sits down at the kitchen island and watches you thoughtfully. It's ridiculous how used to your presence he got over the past few weeks. Almost as if he couldn't imagine it any other way anymore. “Do you have any plans for today?” he asks and you shake your head as you put the pancakes on a big plate.

“Why?” you ask curiously and turn off the stove.

“Uh, I was thinking about painting her room since she wanted a new color so badly…I was wondering if you'd like to help?” he asks nervously.

You put down the plate and nod. “Sure, why not?”

Felix flashes you a sweet smile and thanks you as you hand him a plate with some pancakes. They're so fluffy they almost melt on his tongue, and he has trouble biting back a moan. “Oh, they're amazing,” he tells you and notices the subtle blush settling on your cheeks.

“Thank you,” you smile almost shyly.

Seriously, can't you give him a break?

After breakfast, Felix takes a quick shower, and you put on some clothes that could be ruined by the paint. You meet again in your best friend's room, and you smile at how soft Felix looks in a pair of gray sweatpants and a wide sweater. You pull all the furniture away from the walls, covering everything up before Felix shows you how to apply the paint properly. In the beginning, you're both quietly working and it feels peaceful, just focusing on painting for now. Then Felix starts talking, trying to kill the silence. “I signed the divorce papers yesterday,” he says casually, and you need a moment to figure out how to answer.

“Congratulations?” you chuckle, and he laughs, realizing how out of pocket this has been.

“Sorry, that was pretty random,” he apologizes.

“No, it's fine. I'm glad you did,” you say, and he glances at you, making you ramble on quickly. “I mean, it's the right thing to do. Did you settle on anything? Does she demand stuff?”

“If she doesn't want my legal team to be less nice about the reason we're getting a divorce than I was, then she won't,” he tells you and sighs softly. “She has the old house, and I don't have to pay her anything. I'm glad when we're done with the whole process,” he admits tiredly.

“I bet you are,” you nod gently. “You deserve some peace after everything,” you say, and he hums softly, pressing his lips together briefly. “We can stop talking about it,” you assure him gently, and Felix nods thankfully.

“We need more paint,” he states.

“Well, we should let this dry anyway for today,” you nod and flash him a gentle smile. “We could go buy some more and then call it a day?”

“Sounds good,” he nods, rubbing his face tiredly, and turns toward you fully now.

“You've got some paint on your cheek,” you say, and he blindly reaches out to wipe it off. He doesn't quite get it and you step in front of him, reaching out for him. “Let me help,” you say and gently rub your thumb over his cheek, wiping the still fresh paint off.

Felix freezes in place, staring at you as you do so. He feels like the world stops for a moment but then your soft touch is already gone again. He exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding in and follows you outside. Fucks sake.

You wander through the store next to him and you end up buying some more stuff to decorate the house a little more. Felix's phone rings and you can tell it's Chan by the way his face lights up. He nudges your side after a moment. “You're hungry?”

“I could eat,” you nod.

“Min and Chan ask if we wanna stop by,” he tells you, and you shrug your shoulders.

“Sure, why not?”

Only shortly after, you reach their house, and your eyes widen, spotting the two small kittens on the carpet. “Oh, you have new ones?” you ask excitedly and Minho looks at you as if he's going to hit you.

“Or not?” you ask, chuckling.

Chan gently pokes his cheek and grins at you. “Yeah, we got them like a week ago,” he nods, and you crouch down as they make their way over.

“Can I hold them?” you ask, looking at Minho, and his face softens.

“If they let you,” he nods and tells you to sit down on the floor.

He picks up the first one and gently hands it over to you, making sure you hold it right. “He's usually very calm, so if you don't move too quickly, you should be fine,” he tells you and sits down, grabbing the second one. “She's a little rascal,” he smirks and gently scratches her head.

“They're so tiny,” you say, amazed.

“Here, he loves those,” Chan says, handing you a little treat.

You hold out your hand for the kitten, and he doesn't waste much time. You giggle at his tiny tongue licking over your palm and beam at Minho excitedly. Chan passes Minho and gently runs his hand through his hair mindlessly. Minho smiles softly and looks up at him so full of love you can't help but wish you'd find someone you shared the same type of deep love with. “Wanna help me set the table, Lix?” he asks, and Felix hums, following him, not after a quick glance in your direction to make sure you're alright.

Soon after, you're all gathered around the table, and you all thank Minho for cooking. Chan glances at Felix after a while and seems to debate whether he should ask what's going through his head. “Lix?” he asks, and his friend turns toward him. “How are you holding up?”

“I'm fine,” he smiles tiredly, and you know the question starts to bother him by now.

“You said that from day one,” Minho chuckles and tilts his head at him.

“No, I am. I signed the papers yesterday and then soon it'll all be over,” he explains.

“Have you met anyone new?” Minho asks curiously. “I mean, it's been almost two months.”

“Mhm, after ten years of a fake marriage. I still have time, don't you think?” he asks sourly.

Chan steps in, trying to ease the mood. “We're just worried about you getting lonely, Lix,” he tells him.

“I'd rather be lonely than that,” he says and rolls his eyes at them. “Not everyone finds the one and lives happily ever after from day one on,” he says, looking at the two of them.

“That's hardly realistic, nothing was perfect from day one,” Minho shakes his head.

“Not really, no,” Chan snorts and winks at him.

“Well, you're not me, so…,” Felix says quietly, and the mood changes.

“Meaning?” Minho asks patiently, even though you can tell he’d rather punch some sense into him.

Felix puts down his chopsticks and sighs heavily. “I'm way too emotional, I'm too shy to approach anyone or initiate anything further, I mess up stuff constantly and-.”

“Will you stop?” you cut him off, and everyone looks at you as if they're remembering you're still here. “You keep on talking shit about yourself, and you don't even realize you're letting her win.”

“I'm not letting her—” he frowns. Chan is about to speak up, but Minho stops him, resting his hand on his.

“Yes, you are. She used you for years, and you're still letting her by making it all your fault. As if she had no other choice but to go off and fuck around with whoever she found moderately fuckable,” you say, and he blinks at you, stunned as Chan chokes on his breath. “You're talented at what you do, you're hardworking, and you're one of the most caring people I know. You didn't have to, but you always made me feel at home when I visited your daughter. You haven't done any differently since I moved in, and as long as you aren't talking shit about yourself, you're pretty funny. And-.”

“Y/nnie,” he says softly, and it's the first time he's called you that. “Eat up; it's going to get cold.”

You quickly shut your mouth, ears burning up as you realize you've just been pretty open in front of Minho and Chan. “Yeah, okay, you better shut up then…respectfully.”

“Message received,” he smiles gently.

Minho raises his eyebrows and glances at Chan before moving his eyes between the two of you. Chan frowns before his eyes widen, and he squints at him. Minho widens his eyes and puts on a little passive aggressively encouraging smile, signaling him that, yes, he is VERY right about this.

“You can stop the eye fuckery over there, I'll get sick,” Felix calls them out, and you frown softly at Minho's mischievous grin.

“Y/n, what about you?” Minho asks curiously.

“You're playing cupid as a side business, or what is this?” you ask right back.

“Simply interested,” he gives back.

“I'm single if you must know so badly, and no, my self-esteem isn't drowning as much as Lix’s,” you say, and Felix pokes your side, protesting softly.

Chan watches you quietly before glancing at his husband and humming softly. Minho simply smirks.

Later, when it's time to leave, you hold your hand out for Felix, and he tilts his head at you questioningly. “Keys, please,” you smile.

“Huh?” he asks, amused.

“You had two drinks, I didn't have any, and I'm driving,” you tell him, stretching your hand out once more.

“Listen to her, Yongbokie,” Minho tells him, and Felix gives in and hands you the keys.

“That was really sweet,” Felix says, almost too quiet to hear.

“The kittens?” you giggle.

“Mhm, yeah, they too,” he nods and glances over at you. “I meant what you said…I uh... thanks.”

“Oh,” you nod and feel your heart warming at the softness in his eyes. “I meant it.”

“I know,” he whispers and can barely meet your eyes.

“You should give yourself more credit. Try seeing yourself through the eyes of the people you mean something to from time to time,” you say, parking the car in front of the house.

Felix looks at you, a little stunned. “I mean something to you?” he asks softly.

“Well, of course you do, Lixie,” you smile and lean over, brushing his hair back for him.

“Yeah?” he asks, eyes traveling down to your lips before he can fight it.

“Mhm,” you hum softly and search his eyes. Suddenly, you move forward and your lips meet in a soft kiss that has him melting in his seat. He reaches up to bury his hand into your hair and-.

“Felix? Felix, wake up,” you say gently.

“Huh?” he asks confused.

“Wake up, Lix, come on,” you say softly, daring to brush a loose strand from his face. “Come on, let's get you upstairs.”

Felix blinks at you drowsily and needs a moment to realize he's been dreaming—dreaming of kissing you. His face burns up red with embarrassment as your gentle eyes meet his, and he shoots out of his seat. “Yeah, sorry,” he stammers, and you watch him a little confused.

“You're okay?” you ask, closing the door for him.

“Sure, why wouldn't I be?” he asks, laughing nervously. Don't look at the lips. Don't.

“Man, you're weird when you get woken up,” you shake your head and unlock the front door, letting him in. Felix stumbles taking off his shoes, making you laugh. “Is alcohol having such an effect on you?”

“Mhm, yeah,” he lies, spotting his lifeline.

“Well, let's get you to bed then,” you say and gently pat his back, shoving him inside.

“I'll make it on my own, thank you,” he quickly says and wishes you a good night. He throws himself face forward onto his bed and groans into his blanket. “Fuck, no, Lix, you can't.” He turns onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, brushing his fingers over his lips. Groaning softly, he fumbles for his phone; he needs some clarity now.

“It's late, what the fuck, mate?”

“Jisungie, I fucked up,” Felix whines softly.

“Oh, please don't tell me you're drunk,” Jisung sighs softly. “Do I have to pick you up somewhere?”

“No,” he quickly assures him. “I just…there's this certain someone I can't stop thinking about, and…Ji, it's wrong!”

“I don't like the sound of this,” he states calmly. “Go on.”

And Felix does, spilling all his hurt, feelings of emptiness, and worthlessness. Telling him how you mend his heart, fill his entire being with happiness, and make him feel loveable. He confesses how he can't stop thinking about you, worrying how messed up this could get.

Jisung lets him ramble on and nods gently once he's done. “That's fucked up, mate.”

“I know,” he whispers.

“No, I don't think you know how bad that bitch fucked you up,” Jisung says, and Felix is too stunned to speak for a second. “Fucks sake, Lix! Where's my pretty boy getting all the girls, huh? When did you get all shy and scared? Did she fuck up your self-esteem that badly?”

“Ji, you're missing the point here,” he insists. “Everyone would think I'm using her, she's eight years younger. They'll make her a victim and-.”

“Lix,” he cuts him off firmly. “I'm that victim you're describing here, you do know that, right? My hubby is ten years older, Hyune’s wife is six years younger, and no one gives a fuck,” he tells him. “The thing you really can't take is the fact that she's your daughter's best friend.”

“That surely doesn't help,” he groans.

“Well, technically-.”

“She's my daughter, you can try and twist this how you want,” he shakes his head. “And she'll hate me if I act upon my feelings for Y/n.”

“All she wanted was for you to be happy. Why not with Y/nnie?” he asks gently. “Listen, buddy, you gotta figure out what you really want and then act accordingly. Stop sending her signals if you don't want this to evolve into something more.”

“I know,” he sighs softly. Fuck.

“Can you get the eggs?” you ask him as you pour some sugar into a bowl, weighing its content as you do.

“Sure,” Felix nods and his hand rests on your lower back for a brief moment, notifying you of him standing behind you to stop you from bumping into him.

You swallow softly at the lingering touch, and it's already gone again before you can't think much of it. Felix got home from the studio about an hour ago, and you two decided to surprise your best friend with a cake for her birthday tomorrow. At least she had planned to come back again for it. After quickly buying the ingredients, you two got busy in the kitchen. He's unusually clumsy, your hands brushed against each other four times already since you've started and you already bumped heads, both wanting to grab something off the floor he dropped. The brief touches and his soft eyes combined with that shy smile are slowly driving you insane.

Once you're all done you put it in the oven and set a timer, cleaning up the kitchen for now. You'll still need a few things for the icing later but you get rid of most of the mess for now. After loading the dishwasher, the 25 minutes are over, and Felix carefully takes it out. You leave it there to cool and throw yourself on the sofa.

Felix joins you and turns on the TV, putting on the next episode of the series you've recently started watching together. After a while, your head slowly drops onto his shoulder and it takes him a moment to realize you fell asleep. He cautiously wraps his arm around you to make you more comfortable and lets you rest against his chest. He tries not to think too much of it and chews on his lower lip nervously as he tries to pay attention to the screen.

As much as he tries to fight it, he's exhausted from their intense practice today, and his eyes grow heavier with every minute. It doesn't take long and he falls asleep as well, getting more comfortable and dragging you down with him in his sleep.

You wake up in his arms, your head resting on his chest. Your eyes widen in shock, and you fight the urge to jump up and get as far away from him as possible. You barely dare to lift your head. Glancing down at him, your heart skips a beat at how soft and vulnerable he looks in his sleep. His chest is slowly rising and falling, his hair hangs into his face and he looks so soft it makes you want to squish his cheeks. You admire the beautiful freckles painting his face as the fading sun caresses his golden skin. Gosh, he's pretty.

He moves in his sleep, tightening his grip around you and rolling you both onto your sides. Burying his face in your neck, he lets out a content sigh and pulls you in close. You bite your lip and curse yourself for wanting this so badly. You should really wake him up…but you couldn't. Not when he had a long day and finally got some rest. Not when he looked this content and peaceful. You couldn't.

You timidly rest your chin on his fluffy hair and wait for a moment, but he doesn't seem to mind. Carefully, you fondle his back and rest your hand between his shoulder blades. He doesn't stir one bit, and you decide to try sleeping some more as well.

You wake up again when he stretches in your arms, pulling back with a soft groan. Felix squints at you drowsily before he slowly picks up on your current situation. A blush creeps up his neck and colors his cheeks and ears. He pulls away and rolls onto his back with a soft sound, rubbing his face tiredly. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

“For what?” you ask gently.

“Uh…this,” he awkwardly gestures between the two of you. “I uh…I tend to get cuddly when I fall asleep. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable or-.”

“You didn't,” you say firmly, and he slowly glances at you.

“No?” he asks quietly.

“Not at all,” you assure him, and he hums gently in response. “You seemed like you needed it, so I let you sleep a little longer.��

“Oh,” he nods dumbly and searches your eyes timidly. “Okay.”

“Yeah,” you nod and smile at him. “I think we can finish the cake by now.”

“Probably,” he laughs and sits up.

The pair of you soon gets busy in the kitchen again and Felix turns on the mixer to finish the icing for the cake. It's a little too fast, and some of it lands on his sweater. “Fucks sake,” he curses softly before slowing it down.

You laugh at him, and he turns to you, raising his eyebrows. “Oh, you got some on your face,” you giggle and step in front of him. You cup his face gently with one hand, rubbing your other thumb across the icing on his forehead. “Keep still, Lixie,” you say and don't quite notice his lips parting at the new nickname. You move further down, wiping the bits on his cheek off, and only then you meet his eyes. They're wide and filled with thousands of questions and insecurities. “You're okay?” you ask worriedly.

Felix blinks at you before very slowly shaking his head. “I'm not okay,” he says, and you turn off the mixer, bathing the room in silence.

“What's wrong?” you ask and want to pull your hand off his face, but his hand wraps around your wrist keeping you there.

“I…,” he trails off, sinking deeper into your eyes, and you can see the sudden longing in them. It's pure and innocent, making you all dizzy the longer you look at him. “You're driving me nuts,” he confesses.

“Breathe,” you tell him before experimentally brushing your thumb over his lips. He exhales shuddery, eyes fluttering close at your touch. “Can I kiss you?” you ask.

“What?” he squeaks, eyes snapping back open.

“You heard me,” you say and tilt your head at him. “Can I?” Felix gulps before nodding timidly. You close the distance between the two of you, and your lips brush against his. A soft, quiet sound escapes him and then you're cupping his face and kissing him. Felix melts into the kiss, body searching yours as he grips your waist and stumbles a little, shoving you against the kitchen counter. He pulls back only to catch his breath and presses his forehead against yours. “You're okay?” you ask again. This time, he nods.

“Yeah,” he whispers with a soft smile. “I'm okay...”

PART TWO

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist: (Please let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the taglist!)

@atinyniki @galaxycatdrawz @silverstarburst @kailee08 @mal-lunar-28 @lilmisssona @aaa-sia @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @michelle4eve @lixie-phoria @xxstrayland @kibs-and-bits @mellhwang @ihrtlix @pheonixfire777 @palindrome969 @harshaaaaa

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justastraymoa · 3 months ago

Text

Yet Unnamed

Chapter 5

Masterlist | Ch 6.

Warnings for Yet Unnamed: Kidnapping, cuffs, injuries, drugging by injection, mentions of needles, lots of swearing, kissing, fluff, angst, idiots in love all around.

Nothing within reflects anyone or anything irl.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

The sun hadn’t even peeked over the horizon when your door opened, and you bounced awake as several bodies jumped onto the bed with you.

“Y/n!” Han crooned pushing at your shoulder.

“Why?” You asked plainly rubbing your tired eyes.

“We wanted to say goodbye. You will be gone by the time we are done today.” Lee Know replied.

You slapped the bed as Binnie draped himself on top of you. “I said goodbye last night.” You shift so Bin wasn’t crushing your hips together painfully. His weight pushing you into the bed was surprisingly comforting and you pat his head heavily.

“Like that was going to be enough.” Seungmin scoffed. He smacked at your foot, and you kick at him petulantly.

“Did you pack?” Chan asked. He looked around the room at the lack of suitcase. Just a mini backpack.

You pointed to the backpack. “Just a carry on. I have clothes at home.”

“Did you pack your charger? Snacks? Water?”

You smiled. It was nice to have someone worry over you again. It had been several years since anyone cared. “Packed the charger. Snack and drinks are provided on the plane.”

You tapped Bin to let you up. He sat up and pulled you with him, making you whine as the blanket slipped off and the cool air hit your sleep warm skin. He mumbled an apology.

“How are you getting to the airport?” Hyunjin asked.

“We can give you a ride.” Chan offered.

“You cannot skip more work. You will make STAY sad. I will get an Uber.” You looked at your phone. “In fact you are going to be late already.”

Chan checked his own phone and I.N shrugged.

Hyunjin threw his arms around both you and Bin, squeezing tight. “Be safe. Text all the time. And call!” He ordered.

You squeezed him back. “I will. And 2 weeks will fly by. You will be so busy trying to catch up you wont even have time to think about me.”

“I already miss you!” Felix whined, joining in on the hug.

Everyone else wrapped around you as well until you were being squeezed by all 8 of your soulmates. And you were pretty sure you felt someone kiss the top of your head, but there was no way to tell who it was, and you doubted they would fess up if you asked.

Once at the airport you sat at your terminal, facing the runway to watch the planes, but pulling your phone out first.

You chuckled at Chans obvious overthinking and simultaneously cringed at yourself. You were so awkward!

You texted back and forth for a while before your plane started to board and you were forced to turn off your phone.

Traveling with no luggage was the best. No baggage claims or trying to fit bags into the overhead compartment. Literally just had a mini backpack you could shove under your seat.

And your flight only had one crying baby. They settled down after an hour or so. Tuckered out most likely. You were sure the poor parent with them was just as relieved as everyone else, if not more. You felt bad for them.

In your row was just a young girl and her father. They quietly talked while watching cartoons on her pink tablet. And the girl was in the middle so you didn't feel as squished as you usually would.

You even managed to relax back into your seat and let the background noise of the plane become a pleasant hum, closing your eyes and managing a light on and off sleep to kill time.

In between naps you played offline games and read on your phone, even interacting with the little girl next to you when she seemed to get fidgety and bored with her cartoons. Her dad snored softly beside her.

Overall, the flight was long, but entertaining enough to not bore you to tears. You were still relieved to be walking when you finally landed and were allowed to deplane.

You never flew or really went on trips anywhere. But somehow this airport felt more comfortable and familiar. More like home. Maybe because this is the airport you grew up near. The one you stood with your mom at while waiting for your dad to get back from a business trip. The one you toured and got to go behind the scenes in when you were in Girl Scouts. The one all over the news when that meth head went crazy and started screaming through the terminals, security chasing after him.

This is where you lived and graduated from. You learned to drive on these streets and went to a nearby hospital when you fell off your bike while learning to ride a 2-wheeler. Your grandfather took you, lecturing you the entire time about the proper way to ride and what you did wrong, but being so gentle when he carried you in, even when you said you could walk.

Its where your family is buried.

Leaving this place behind was bittersweet for you. You would miss it, but you were also moving toward a huge and amazing adventure. With your soulmates.

Your mother said you were lucky. It had been 5 generations since your family had had someone born with a soul mark. And you had 8 soulmates. Anytime you felt lonely or sad as a child she would remind you that there were 8 people out there waiting for you. Whose souls called for and matched yours like puzzle pieces. It never failed to cheer you up. And even when she was gone, you would remember her words during hard times and feel less alone in this big world.

Your phone chirped repeatedly with new messages as you waited for your ride home. While you stood off to the side and in plain view, you read over the messages and realized that they kept using the group chat to talk to each other. It made you smile. You were still kept in the loop, and it felt good. They still wanted you to know what was going on and be a part of their days.

You continued to text through your ride home and freshening up. Until you could no longer keep your eyes open. They popped in and out of chat as they got busy with things and couldn't text

You were shocked you lasted as long as you did. As soon as you unlocked your door the weariness hit you like a ton of bricks, and you didn't even bother to unpack anything from you bag before cleaning up and crawling into bed.

The first week didn't necessarily fly by, but it didn't drag either. The pain and emptiness from being so far from your soulmates was a constant ache that you could never escape from. And you often found yourself staring off into space and rubbing your chest above the ache, trying to ease it as best you could. It was worse at night when you were lying in bed trying to sleep. There was nothing to distract yourself then and, in the end, it made it so you didn't sleep very well. Often giving up and getting up to pack some more instead. You were trying to get done quickly anyway.

As you expected, your job fired you immediately when they heard your lack of explanation. How were you supposed to explain your sudden disappearance for days? It's not like you could tell them you were kidnapped!

But in the end, it worked out for you. Now you could leave as soon as your apartment was packed up and sold off. Get back to the others faster.

You didn't tell them. You weren't sure how quickly you could finish, and you didn't want the anticipation to make things worse than they already were. It was so hard being away from them. Being alone again. And you had only had them for a very short time. Truly, your entire existence is altered when you meet your soulmates. How does anyone ever resist the bond?

You only kept the most irreplaceable and sentimental things. Including your K-pop memorabilia that you spent so much money on over the years. You couldn't part with it. You packed everything tightly and securely in boxes and shipped it to the apartment in Korea. It was much cheaper and easier than trying to get everything onto the plane. Everything else was sold, donated, or thrown away.

You notified anyone who needed it that you were moving, closed accounts, paid off remaining bills, etc. Even as busy as you were, the ache was always in the forefront of your mind.

You spend all day and night in the chat group. It was your lifeline to your boys. Even if you had nothing to say other than letting them know what you just packed up or canceled. Or sending a random picture or meme when you were taking a break.

The deeper conversations where you got to know each other happened when one side was in bed for the evening. Feeling secure and safe in their beds under the covers and willing to open up and be more vulnerable.

Also, later when everyone over there was asleep but insomniac Chan and you two switched over to one-on-one conversations in order to not blow up everyones phone while they were trying to sleep.

Finally, you were at the airport and more than ready to get back to your soulmates.

You still hadn't told anyone you were coming home. But only because you looked when you changed your ticket and realized you were on the same flight home as Hyunjin and Felix when you switched flights at your layover. You wanted to surprise them.

Granted you weren't going to be able to talk to each other or sit anywhere near each other since they were in first class. And you needed to be careful that no one found out you knew each other and made the connection before your perfectly created story had the chance to be aired. But you were still going to be closer than you had been in over a week.

The teasers and wind up to the reveal would start tomorrow. You would be taking partial photos with each member to post to their account with very carefully worded hints into finding their 9th and final soul bond member. Each member would take their own photo, and you would work with them on how and when to post it to keep STAY and the media guessing and craving more. And you were working with staff to create a cute, cozy little, meet cute, coffee/book shop photo shoot for the reveal photos. Plus, your one kids' room type of introduction video will be recorded soon.

Somehow you were nervous about seeing everyone again. Everything seemed fine in the messages. It was easy and flowed nicely. What if it wasn't as comfortable, as open in person as you were in texts, and it became awkward?

And it meant really starting your new life. Getting into the new job and letting the world see Stray Kids soul bond group for the first time all together.

When they saw you at the terminal, Felix almost ran right to me, but Hyunjin stopped him and pointedly looked around them at the hundreds of phones from STAY, recording everything they did. Felix looked so disappointed when he realized.

You had joined the crowd of STAYs swooning over and recording Hyunlix. Screaming at the top of your lungs and trying to get closer, jumping excitedly.

They were both trying to watch you without watching you and failing to hide their laughing. Hyunjin even snapped a photo, pretending it was of the crowd at large but aimed at you.

Hey, you are a fan, and you had done a marvelous job at not fangirling all over them when you first met, so you were going to take this opportunity while you could. Too bad all 8 of them weren't here, so you could really get it out of your system.

You watched as Felix and Hyunjin both worked their way down the barrier of fans. Making hand hearts and pausing for photos. You expected Felix to grab your hand briefly like he had several others and move on, but instead he grabbed your phone, shocking you.

He gestured you forward with a laugh, flipping the camera on your phone to selfie mode and leaning in close to you. Giddy and still in fangirl mode, you squeal and lean in, giving your phone a half heart to complete the one he was doing. He snapped the photo and handed you the phone back, brushing your fingers as he did, and gave you a wide smile and wink before moving on.

As he passed the STAYs around you crowded closer to see the photo and you proudly show it off, tears building in your eyes from excitement.

Hyunjin was slightly less subtle. He didn’t take a selfie with you, but he did lace your fingers together in the air for a bit longer than strictly necessary. And he didn’t lace his fingers with any other fan either. He squeezed your hand and made direct eye contact before moving on. Your fangirl heart was fit to burst.

You smiled at Hyunjin and Felix one more time as they boarded before everyone else. Celebrity treatment. You wouldn’t be able to be anywhere near them on the flight, but it soothed something in the space you associated with your soul mate bond in your chest just to have them near you again. To know that they are close after so long.

This flight wasn’t quiet. There were several crying children who never quieted down, and at least one small yapping dog that the owner just let bark the entire time. And it smelled like wet dog throughout the whole cabin. You were in the middle seat between a man who smelled like a bar and woman who used an entire bottle of perfume. And both hogged the armrests. Halfway into the flight the woman removed both her shoes and socks and proceeded to cross her legs and pick at some kind of green fungus on her toenails. You wanted to vomit.

You were so ready to get off the plane you broke plane etiquette and almost ran off the plane and through the airport to the exit. You got absolutely no sleep, had a massive headache from the smells, and was exhausted from the whole disgusting ordeal.

A car was waiting to pick up a passenger right outside the airport, so you didn’t even need to wait. You gave the driver the address and leaned back in the seat with a sigh, closing your eyes.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Yet Unnamed Taglist: @fackeraccount @velvetmoonlght @hyunjinstolemyheart @vampkittenb82 @happy-jj @estella-novella @demigoddreamon-blog @tiana-maxivar @ms-flowergirl @jennibahng @whatdoyouwanttocallmefor @mimimiloomeelomi @simpforskz143148 @xxeiraxx @lil-bear08 @brbwritingfanfic @jisungs-iced-americano @zofia515 @missvanjii @malyxsoulpersonal @silentreadersthings

General Taglist @stellasays45 @beebee18 @weird-bookworm @velvetmoonlght

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crypticminx · 1 year ago

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I love your writing so much! I would love to see a birth scene with Felix or Jacob!!

OMGGG YESSS thank u sm bae!! I actually got a request for Felix during the birth of his baby eons ago but I never finished it 🥲🥲 so here we gooo! Obvsss making this girl dad! Felix bc I CANT get enough of this man with a little girl :(

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

Felix is a nervous wreck—nervous wreck being an understatement, of course. He’s sweaty, his hairs a mess, and he can’t stop pacing around the room for the sake of his life. He’s mumbling and trembling with fear, while you’re sitting pretty on your shared bed, making sure you have everything in your hospital bag ready to go.

That’s not to say you’re not in pain, because truthfully, you’ve never felt anything worse in your life. However, given the circumstances of how stressed out your poor beloved boyfriend is, you don’t want to make him lose what little sanity is left in him. Smiling through the aching feeling of your little girl practically begging to come out, you reassure Felix, “it’s okay, love, really. I’m not even in that much pain.”

You’re lying, obviously.

Felix is still in Shock. He might not have been the most organized person, but that was before you—before he found out you were about to give him the greatest gift of all; his daughter. From that point on, he slowly started to change and progress into a new profound state of maturity. He steadily cleaned up his act, he couldn’t be the way he used to be, not when a baby was going to be involved.

So why was he so stressed in the very moment that was supposed to be the happiest day of his life?

He was doubtful.

He had tiny sprouts of fear lingering inside of him. The ones that often lied to him, making him believe that he wasn’t good enough to be a father, but most importantly, that after everything he still wasn’t good enough for you. You were the love of his life and it tore him apart to let himself think that way. Think so selfishly when it was you that carried his baby. It was you who was bringing a new life into the world.

With everything that had ever been handed to him, he never worried about the eventual consequences of any of his actions, so entering a new chapter into his life at such a young age nearly frightened him, but through it all, you both had each other.

So when Felix hears the cries of his daughter as she enters the cold atmosphere of the private hospital room—every worry, every doubt, everything negative he ever had coursing through his mind stops. Though his new little angel is crying, it’s the first pure sound that brings him happiness. He can’t shun his sentiment by attempting to hide it away, so he cries too.

He watches as you get to hold your little girl for the first time. Your face is red, sweaty, but you still look so angelic to him. In fact, you’ve never looked more beautiful. You feel euphoric getting to hold the tiny human you’ve waited so long to meet and when you feel Felix peeking over your shoulder, getting a tiny glimpse at her, your heart melts with the whirlwind of emotions you feel inside of you.

You knew he was going to be the best dad.

#screaming crying rn #felix catton x you #felix catton #saltburn #felix catton x reader #felix catton x y/n #jacob elordi #saltburn 2023 #felix catton fanfic #jacob elordi x reader #girl dad!felix catton #dad!felix catton #dad! felix catton #girl dad! felix catton

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valkyriexo · 2 months ago

Text

꒰OT8꒱─────────────────

𐙚 He's the bad guy... DUH | OT8 ⤷ Fluff, angst (ish)

꒰Bang Chan꒱─────────────

𐙚 You get your period Chan vers ⤷ Sickfic, Comfort, Fluff,

𐙚 HEART OF HATE | Chan ⤷ angst, Smut MDNI

𐙚 Silence | Chan ⤷ angst, Smut MDNI ⤷ 1k eventCommisson giveaway winner

𐙚 You're Scared of Thunderstorms | Chan ⤷ Comfort

𐙚 I Volunteer | Chan ⤷ Smut MDNI ⤷ Chan comes home angry and frustrated and needs some release. ⤷ 500 Followers celebration ࿐

𐙚 Microphones and Mistakes | Part 2 | Chan ⤷ Angst , comfort, fluff ⤷ The spotlight is calling, but your life behind the curtain is anything but glamorous. With your debut song with Stray Kids just days away, you’re battling tech glitches, wrangling a wild toddler, and trying to hold things together with your husband, Chan, as cracks begin to show. Can you keep it all from falling apart in time to own the stage—or will the chaos steal the show?

𐙚 Broken Promises | Chan ⤷ Angst ⤷ You and your fiancé, Chan, are eagerly planning your wedding, envisioning a future together. But when doubts about your relationship's strength begin to emerge, you're faced to confront a choice; salvage what's left or walk away.

𐙚 You Faint | Chan ⤷ Sickfic, Comfort, Fluff, ⤷ Part of the "He helps you when.." Collection

꒰Lee Minho꒱──────────────

𐙚 Pheromoan | Lee Know ⤷ Smut

𐙚 Nightmares | Lee know ⤷ Angst, Comfort ⤷ Lost in a nightmare where Minho is gone, fear consumes you. Panic claws at your chest, each breath heavy with the weight of imagined loss. In the void left by his absence, shadows that dance mockingly in the corners of your mind. In this surreal realm of darkness, where reality blurs with the surreal, you're left grappling with the haunting question: where has Minho gone?

𐙚 You have an injury | Lee know ⤷ Sickfic, Comfort ⤷ Part of the "He helps you when.." Collection

𐙚 Friday Night Lights | Lee know ⤷ Fluff, Smut MDNI ⤷1k event Commisson giveaway winner

꒰Seo Changbin꒱────────────

𐙚 Pretty Pretty Princess | Changbin ⤷ Fluff ⤷ The adventures of Dad Binnie and Daughter Ha-ri

𐙚 You're Drunk | Changbin ⤷ Sickfic , Comfort, angst with a happy ending ⤷ Part of the "He helps you when.." Collection

꒰Hwang Hyunjin꒱───────────

𐙚 Do not answer | Hyunjin ⤷ thriller, lightly suggestive ⤷ joker hyunjin x reader

𐙚 Trust Issues | Hyunjin ⤷ Smut MDNI

𐙚 Work of Art | Hyunjin ⤷ Smut MDNI ⤷Best friend hyunjin x reader

𐙚 At the Beach | Hyunjin ⤷ Fluff, comfort , Suggestive MDNI ⤷ Plus sized readerx Hyunjin

𐙚 My Favorite Princess | Hyunjin ⤷ Fluff ⤷ You and your husband Hyunjin celebrate your daughter Areum's Birthday

𐙚 One + One = Three | | Hyunjin | RE-WRITE IN PROGRESS ⤷ Angst, Fluff ⤷ In the serene world of a rising K-pop star, you find solace in the quiet moments shared with your boyfriend, Hyunjin. Their love is carefully concealed, known only to a select few. But when a scandalous article surfaces, threatening to expose their carefully guarded secret, Y/N must navigate the treacherous waters of fame, loyalty, and betrayal.

𐙚 You get your period | Hyunjin ⤷ Smau, Sickfic, Comfort ⤷ Part of the "He helps you when.." Collection

꒰Han Jisung꒱─────────────

𐙚 5 minutes | Han ⤷ Smut

𐙚 You get surgery | Han ⤷ Sickfic, comfort ⤷ Part of the "He helps you when.." Collection

꒰Lee Felix꒱──────────────

𐙚 You have the Flu | Felix ⤷ Sickfic, comfort ⤷ Part of the "He helps you when.." Collection

꒰Kim Seungmin꒱───────────

𐙚 Sweet Like Honey | Seungmin ⤷Smut

𐙚 You have a migraine | Seungmin ⤷Sickfic, Comfort ⤷Part of the "He helps you when.." Collection

꒰Yang Jeongin꒱────────────

𐙚 Behave | Jeongin ⤷Smut MDNI ⤷You misbehave.. so of course you deserve punishment

𐙚 Cake tasting | Jeongin ⤷fluff ⤷You and your fiancé Jeongin go cake tasting

𐙚 You accidently hurt yourself | Jeongin ⤷Sickfic, Comfort, MDNI ⤷Part of the "He helps you when.." Collection

#skz #stray kids #bang chan #lee know #changbin #lee felix #minho #jeongin #seungmin #hyunjin #han jisung

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pixeldistractions · 1 month ago

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That night, Jordan was on bedtime duty—as was usually the case, except for the occasions when he worked a late event at the hotel—and he was glad not to have Ingrid’s address scrawled all over his arm. He didn’t want to have to explain that to his family. Colette already didn’t believe he wasn’t sleeping around.

Tonight, he couldn’t slip out very easily after the boys were asleep. Milo had a sore tummy and he needed more—more water, more medicine, more hugs, more tuck-ins with the blankets tight.

“Can it be your mom’s turn next time?”

“I like it better when you do it,” Milo said. “She doesn’t do it tight enough.”

How would this ever work when he was gone? When he only had them for weekends or summers or school breaks or whenever else Colette deemed suitable.

“You have to let her try, because I can’t always do it.”

Why not? Milo didn’t ask it, but Jordan saw his brows furrow and the question linger on his face. And at some point the bomb would have to be dropped. It wasn’t a divorce, but it might as well have been one to them. We’re splitting up. It would have to happen, but not tonight. Milo wasn’t feeling well. It could happen another night. “Okay, just one more time. Next time is your mom’s turn.”

“Me, too, Dad,” Felix said from the top bunk. “I want a good tuck in, too.”

“Coming right up!”

He climbed halfway up the bunk to tuck in Felix, too, then he went downstairs to the living room, waiting to see if Milo would creep downstairs another time.

They had established something of a routine between them, without ever deciding it. Colette lingered in her bedroom while the boys fell asleep. It gave Jordan the freedom to slip out to wherever it was he went to instead of staying, and it saved her the humiliation of having to watch him do it. They didn't have to talk about it, it just happened. That wasn’t always why she waited up in her bedroom. There was a time he used to join her in there after the boys went to sleep.

Tonight she came downstairs. She didn’t intend to pick a fight, but that seemed to be all they did anymore. She only meant to talk to him about Milo and how he was feeling. She cared, though she was sure Jordan doubted she did.

She stopped beside the couch. His backpack was slumped there. He lugged that thing around constantly these days, always ready to run. The backpack wasn't always a thing. It was different, but it had been different for months now. She only just took notice.

Like how he was prickly and mad now. Always. It was a bad idea to let them go on that trip, it ruined everything. Or something before that had ruined everything. She would take it all back if she could, as if the unraveling threads of this family could have been held together just a little longer. If she took it back, how far back would she have to go to undo all the damage done here?

She didn’t know where she went so tragically wrong, and that made her mad, too, because she wasn’t the kind of woman who liked to make mistakes.

“Not sneaking off tonight? Is your girlfriend on her period?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” he said.

“Ha, right. I don’t even believe you.”

“Milo doesn’t feel good. He wants me to stay.”

“You know, I tuck his blankets just fine. It’s good enough. You spoil them. You let them get away with everything! Then I’m the bad guy, I know you love when I’m the bad guy. You can’t be soft on them all the time. The world isn’t soft, and it’s gonna eat them alive.” She mulled on that thought, and it wasn't fair. She carried those boys. Her body still wore the scars, not his. She did her best for those boys, but they still preferred him. “I used to be everything to them, you took that from me.”

“How the hell did I take that from you? By being here? You were pissed when I wasn’t here, now you’re pissed that I am? You only want me here when it’s convenient for you!”

“Nobody cares about what I want,” she whined. “Nobody ever cared.”

“You have to be kidding,” he said. “You’re the first person to never care. You don’t care like it’s your job.”

He wouldn’t be here if she didn’t care. Not for this long. She wasn’t in the habit of dishing out generosity. He was here because she wanted him, because she got something out of the deal. For a time, she did.

She remembered their last time together, so many months ago. He smelled like birthday cake. Now she knew their last time was irrevocably their last, but she hadn't known it then. She wanted to go back and know it. She wanted to be in that moment and have the last word, and it infuriated her that it was impossible.

Then fine, good, it was probably for the best.

“You hardly contribute much money, and you don’t put out anymore, so what’s the point? You’re just a grown man living in my house like another giant kid. Why are you even here?”

He sputtered a laugh, a bitter one. “I’m not.”

He picked up that stupid backpack and then he was gone. He left the front door ajar. It swayed in a warm summer breeze, wasting her air conditioning.

That was how it ended, she supposed, as if it wasn’t constantly ending since the moment they began. But if it was constantly ending, then how would she ever feel done?

— "why are you here? #4: then go" part 3 / 4

Next -> // WAYH #4 start // index

#ts4 #sims 4 #simblr #sims story #jordan #milo #felix #colette

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sourbinnie · 2 years ago

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☆ pretender.mp3 ☆

♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> angst ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> ot8!skz + 9th member!reader (gender neutral) ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> a night to remember starring your mom & dad (in the worst way possible) ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> family issues (toxic parents) ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> yes!

a/n -> i'm not writing from personal experience but i've seen a lot of people not have the best relationship with their parents. it's not easy to stand up to people you love and you want that love back too right? so it's not you to blame. please know that families are not always blood, sometimes they're chosen and the best experiences come from those who actually care and show you that they are there. if this one's too personal or too triggering, feel free to skip it! i love you all, my dms are always open.

it wasn't a good idea from the start. you have always been on a tightrope with your parents but you couldn't really deny their request since they invited everyone when they were backstage and your bandmates kindly agreed. so now everyone was ready to actually meet them and to have a pleasant evening but you expected the worst. everyone saw how your attitude completely changed when you were in your family home, well if you could call it that.

it was never easy to be on the same level as your parents, for them to understand you. at first they didn't even want you to become an idol since you were risking so much by it but they eventually came to terms with it. right now though you could say you didn't have a relationship with them, your teenage years have gone to waste because of them leaving you in a fragile state.

it was like you didn't connect anymore to what was going on. they might express and say that they're proud of how far you've gone but when you stumbled and you fell, they didn't catch you. now that they're back in your life (since you didn't see them for so long during your trainee and debut days) and showing up to events to support you, you felt odd. maybe you just weren't used to it and things would get eventually better but you couldn't help but doubt everything in your mind as you sat there and saw the boys interacting with your parents.

you could feel someone sitting next to you and as you turned to see who it was, it happened to be felix. it was no secret that you had a fake smile the entire time and that your interactions were kinda weird. so you weren't really surprised when one of them noticed it.

"your parents aren't like this always aren't they?" he asked and you nodded as you took a sip from your drink. considering everything you went through and all the things that they made you live, you could not really lie. you didn't want to pretend everything was alright 'cause you truly didn't feel like you could. you also didn't want to act like my parents were monsters but they weren't really nice people either.

"i just feel so weird being here right now." you mumbled and felix did try to comprehend you but at the end of the day couldn't. your past wasn't something you talked about with the boys and you were sure no one would have agreed to come here tonight if they actually knew the story behind your sadness.

"lighten up kiddo, you've always been this way!" your dad said which caught you off guard since you were sure that he was having a different conversation with someone else seconds ago. you didn't expect him to interrupt what you were gonna say to felix but also you knew this is where the weird comments would start.

"oh our (y/n), never bring the mood up" your mother said and it physically made you cringe but you let it pass. the night had just started yet you wanted it to be over already. it's not like anyone else noticed that you were suffering because of these things they were saying (or that's what you thought).

as the night progressed, you could hear compliments left and right. how much they admired the work and the effort that your members put in, how they were absolutely stunning to look at and just the best of the best when it came to everything. you couldn't recall the last time that they admired you like that and you had to hold back the tears because it was all too much.

and then it finally arrived, what you were expecting and in front of your friends, your actual family.

"our (y/n) always wanted to become an idol. we don't know how it happened but now they're here and that's what matters." ouch, they really called you talentless like you just got lucky by chance and they selected you out of pity or something.

"i truly think (y/n) is a crucial part of the team." chan said to lighten up the mood and give you a little smile on the process which you responded to by just shaking your head. he didn't need to defend you, it was fine, you were used to this kind of bullshit. "we wouldn't be where we are if it wasn't for them being with us."

"hard to believe, you're all talented young men!" your dad added leaving you out once again. it was inevitable that everyone was feeling kind of uncomfortable, it was like the attitude your parents were showing before was just a mask and these were the actual people behind it.

"(y/n)'s talent is immeasurable and their kindness is what i like about them the most." changbin said, trying to change the subject so that they would say something positive for you. it wasn't gonna happen, you already knew but you always had hope in your heart that maybe something nice would come out of it.

"well you should've seen them growing up, it wasn't easy." your mom commented and if the humiliating wasn't enough, it just kept going.

"i'm sure most of us weren't easy teenagers to deal with." minho said and he looked completely done with everything. you knew how protective he was towards you but you also didn't expect him to jump on the train trying to defend you from your parents.

"yeah well it was probably very different to what we had to deal with. (y/n) was a difficult kid and now they're better but sometimes we wish they would open up more." wow you wonder why you didn't do it. with parents like that, better keep everything to yourself right?

you shook your head and grabbed your things to go outside. you weren't gonna say anything, you couldn't, you were never the type of person to confront. at the end of the day nothing was gonna change as much as you grew as a person or as a musician, they would never take you seriously. you didn't expect all of them to follow you but they did as you let your tears slide down your face. your relationship was never gonna mend, it was broken before you could fix it.

"i'm sorry. i should've told you all before we even came here, it was so awkward too." you said in between tears and sobs. you wanted nothing more than for the car that brought you here to arrive and drop you in the dorms. jisung reached for you as he hugged, holding you tightly as you let everything out.

"you don't have to say you're sorry. you didn't do anything wrong and we should've never accepted if you didn't feel confident and comfortable about it." chan said as he looked at you, he felt like he let you down but it was from that. you were so happy to have band members that looked after you in such a way, that cared about you so deeply and would stand up to your biggest fears.

it was hard saying that your biggest fear was your parents' opinion. you could act like you didn't care, like it was so easy to ignore it but you knew deep down all you ever wanted was for them to accept you. to love you for who you are and not who they had a vision of you being.

"i already called for them to pick us up." minho said as he grabbed your hand and squeezed it.

so you guys stayed there in the cold night, holding you and whispering sweet nothings as they tried to calm you down. it was for sure a night to remember for all of them but especially for you, the embarrassment was immeasurable but the scars will always remain.

#sourbinnie #skz imagines #skz angst #skz scenarios #skz imagine #skz #stray kids imagines #stray kids imagine #stray kids angst #skz 9th member #stray kids 9th member #skz drabbles #stray kids drabbles #skz short imagines

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p3achyt3acak3 · 1 month ago

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Friends To Lovers! Lee Felix x Genderfluid Reader

Genre: Friends To Lovers, Fluff ☁️, Angst ⛈️, Angst w/ Comfort ❤️

Warnings ⚠️:Contains Abandonment Issues; Self-Doubt; Rocky Situations; Arguments; Getting Defensive; Misunderstandings; Crying; Self-Deprecation; Heavy Thoughts; Negative Thoughts and Emotions; Panic Attacks (Felix is kinda an ass in this.. Ngl, but he's just freaking out I promise..)(NONE OF THE ACTIONS IN THIS FIC ARE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. THIS IS PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES AND DOES NOT CORRELATE TO THE IRL ACTIONS OF THESE PEOPLE)

WC: 15.457K

Another reminder! This is FLUFF that turns into ANGST and then goes into ANGST WITH COMFORT. If you do not feel comfortable with any of the before-mentioned tags, please do not proceed any further. ❤️

There's a lot of stuff you have to remember to grab before leaving the market, and with how many times you've run to do this, it's practically second nature for you to double-check and ensure that everyone has their rightful snacks and drinks for tonight.

Felix had decided to join you this time, though. As much as you appreciated him coming along to provide assistance where it was needed, he often strayed off, getting easily distracted by some silly doo-dad that was in the clearance section of the store, or he was constantly showing you cute yet corny things that he thought you'd get a kick out of.

The only thing that worried you, was how often you turned around, and he just wasn't there anymore.

Being friends with him for over a year now, you should know that this is, in a way, kinda something that Felix does.

Yet every single time he disappears, you're surprised and riddled with worry again. You know he's grown, he can handle himself just fine.. Plus he knows Taekwondo, so if need be, he could easily defend himself.

You just can't help but worry though.

"Tokki(Rabbit)! Look at this!" Nearly scaring you out of your mind, Felix suddenly reappears behind you, holding a greetings card with the view of Seoul at night. "It's so pretty." There's a huge smile on his freckled face, which is covered by a face mask, but still, the divots beneath his eyes give it away.

"Where do you keep finding this stuff? You're like the finder of pointless things." Laughing at his excitement fondly, you observe the greetings card with a small smile of your own, flipping it over to see what else is on the back.

Upon hearing you call it pointless, he gasps with feigned hurt in his voice. "Pointless? To you, maybe, but to someone else, it might just be the best thing to help make their day better."

"Yeah, if you were a dad in his mid-thirties, early forties." You retort, eyes crinkling up at the corners when his own visibly grow wide with shock.

"Are you calling me old?" Trying, and failing, he attempts to sound serious and hurt when he asks this, but the soft giggle at the end blows his cover.

With a smug look on your face, you simply shrug your shoulders, trying to hide the smirk that tries to crawl its way up onto your face. "I don't know, you're the one who said it, not me.. But, I wouldn't say YOU are old, just, your mentality can sometimes be questionable."

This time, Felix looks around the store with wide eyes, then looks at you and points to himself. "Me? Having an old mentality? You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, love, cause that doesn't sound like me at all." Being dramatic, he rolls his eyes. "Plus, aren't you the one who likes dad jokes?"

The Cheshire grin he wears is smug and playful, typical of him.

"You forgot to say 'We' in that sentence." Finally handing the greeting card back to him, you turn on your heel to continue shopping for snacks, giggling softly when you hear Felix suck in a sharp breath.

"Touché.."

By the time the two of you finish up in the market, the group chat that you're all in begins to blow up.

It's mainly Changbin and Lee Know asking why the two of you are taking so long, plus many separated texts of Changbin saying he's "So hungry" over and over again.

Felix ignores his phone in favor of peeking over yours instead, his face mask now off since climbing into the car. "He's always hungry! Tell him to be patient, Tokki!" Even with the toothy smile on his face, he playfully pokes fun at Changbin.

"You have a phone too, ya know." Tilting your phone to the side to act as if you're trying to hide something from him, you giggle and point to his jacket pocket, which you'd seen him tuck his phone into earlier on in the evening. "Quit bein' so nosy and check your messages."

At this, he pretends to pout, but pulls his phone from his pocket nonetheless, his phone screen bright and nearly blinding the both of you. "Crap! I forgot to turn the brightness down, sorry, Tokki.." With a look of disgust on his face, he quickly turns the brightness down and sighs to himself. "Now Seungmin is trying to say we got lost."

Looking back down at the group chat that's still pulled up on your own phone, you see Seungmin still typing, the bubbles dancing on your screen as if to taunt you.

He's just being himself, nothing that the two of you aren't used to, especially not Felix considering he's around him more often than you are.

"A bunch of babies, the lot of them. At least the other three haven't started to complain yet.."

As if they'd heard you say this, Han is the first one to start talking in the chat, but only to tell you and Lix to take your time and to ignore the other idiots. Reading it has you giggling to yourself, already typing out a response. Before you have the chance to hit send though, another message pops up, this one from the person sitting right next to you.

"Maybe you all should learn patience. It's been awhile since we've hung out. It just being me and them was a nice change in pace. We're on the way home so don't worry too much. We got everything you guys wanted, and they even got extra as a thank you for inviting them to hang out with us, so be grateful, please."

At the end of the very long message, there's a few of Felix' typical emojis.

It seems the chat blows up even more after that, and Felix rolls his eyes, tucking his phone away back into his pocket.

Meanwhile, you're reading every message that's sent after that, noting how much most of them are teasing Felix. Though when they tease, you know they do it from a place of love, not hurt, so you find yourself smiling rather than frowning.

"It's a good thing you put your phone away when you did, cause as you probably know, they're teasing you now." There's a short laugh that accompanies your informed warning, and he merely sighs back.

While you're tucking your phone away, a head suddenly lands on your shoulder, which makes you jump just a tiny bit, but when you see who it belongs to, you visibly calm. He's laid his head down on your shoulder, eyes staring absent-minded out the windshield of the company vehicle.

Knowing him, he can be very affectionate. Physical touch is a big thing for Felix. Though for you, you could live without it.

It's weird how that statement just seems to become false when it comes to him though. There have been plenty of moments where the two of you would just cuddle up and enjoy movies or shows, maybe even silly little TikToks on one or the others phone.

There were also plenty of times where you and him shared seemingly random hugs, small touches like back rubs or shoulder massages.. The works.

The boys would often tease the two of you, mainly Felix, but that was because they weren't necessarily used to that kind of attention going to anyone else but the people within the group.

It had also taken some getting used to when they had found out you weren't necessarily male or female, rather, gender-fluid. There were times where you felt masculine and preferred being called by masculine pronouns, and there were times where it was the opposite.

They were very accepting, of course, they just weren't sure how to navigate around means of interacting with you until they saw how Felix did and bounced off of what he did.

"Is it a cuddle day?" You ask, resting your head atop his own while letting your eyes flutter shut.

That was what you both used to describe the days where Felix was feeling particularly affectionate, unable to tear away from whomever he'd decided to cling onto that day.

Wordlessly, he hummed, low and soft, head shifting slightly to get more comfortable. "Been awhile since I've gotten to show you some love." He finds himself admitting out loud. This puts a content smile on your face, dimples forming in your cheeks.

"Well, someone's been really busy for the past few weeks. As much as I love bothering you, you have shit to take care of. I'm here for emotional and moral support." It's an ongoing joke that's shared between the two of you. You're like his detox machine when he needs someone to just hold and cuddle.

"That reminds me.." Suddenly, he's softly tapping on your leg as a sign that he's about to pick his head up, so you quickly move yours out of the way to allow him to do so. When he's facing you fully, his eyes are beaming, shining like twinkling moonlit stars that rise high above in the sky on a clear night. "Have you been keeping up to date with what we've been up to as of late?"

From just looking at him, you can tell he's trying to contain the excitement. He's biting down on his bottom lip, practically bouncing out of his seat.

"You're lucky I like you.. Yes, I've been keeping up to date. From what I've heard or seen at least, you guys are working on something special for STAY." Having remembered a few posts here and there from news outlets and the like about the up and coming project the boys were working on, you have a vague idea as to what he may be implying when he asks if you're caught up.

At this, he smiles even wider, if that's possible..

Seeing him this happy over sharing this type of stuff, genuinely brings you joy.

He starts to go into detail about what he and the rest of the group have been working on, and the excitement and giddiness that practically radiates from him as he explains, just oozes contagious joy.

No wonder everyone calls him the 'Sunshine' of the group.

The entire time he talks, you sit there and absorb it like a sponge. When it comes to things like this, you are always very attentive. You think it's more or less fondness.

Even as the two of you make your way up to the dorms, bags in each hand, he talks to you about any and everything. It's not even about the up and coming project for STAY anymore, and yet, you can't seem to tune him out or even attempt to.

Not that you'd want to anyway.

Hearing him talk so excitedly about anything, was honestly the highlight of your day.

He only stops talking when the door opens, Chan standing in the doorway with his arms extended, offering to help lessen the load for you both. "We've got it Chan, but thank you for the offer." You're the one to decline his help, shooting a soft smile in his direction before making your way into the kitchen to start putting up the frozen snacks before they start to melt.

"Ahh, look who finally decided to show up! You guys were so slowwww! Even Channie Hyung doesn't take that long to get our snacks!" This comes from the living room. Particularly Seungmin.

"Yahhh, be grateful or hush!" Without a second to breathe, Han immediately scolds Seungmin for his impatience.

"They only took so long because Felix was too busy distracting... I'm sorry, what pronouns are you going by today?" Seungmin stops in the middle of his rant to ask you, which you find really sweet.

Without wasting a beat, you provide him with an answer. "He/him, thank you for asking." The smile that's curled up on your lips is so wide that your dimples are prominent, and Felix comes up from behind you to playfully pinch at them, laughing like a gremlin before hurrying out of the kitchen so as not to incur your wrath.

"They only took so long because Felix was too busy distracting him. Probably clung to him the entire time." Seungmin finally finishes what he had started to say before interrupting himself to ask for your pronouns. "Not to mention the fact that he's always all over him whenever they finally see each other again after like.. Two days of being away from each other.."

Now, the entire dorm has become a hellish chaotic nightmare, which you are more than used to. It's gotten loud, and even Chan has pitched into the conversation from time to time.

"It wasn't just a couple of days, Seungmin! It was a few weeks! I'd also like to add that I WASN'T all over him the entire time.. I just kept showing him silly little trinkets and stuff like that.." You hear the sunshine try to defend himself.

But it seems it was all for naught.

"Isn't that the same thing? 'Hey, Tokki! Look at these odd little things I found!', 'Hey, isn't this thing so ugly that it's cute?'." Seungmin counters, mimicking Felix in his best attempt at a deep voice.

You can't help but chuckle fondly at the playful banter between them, finally making your presence known when you take a seat on the couch beside Felix, the bag of snacks you'd bought sitting atop your lap.

"Ehhh.. I wouldn't really consider that being all over him.. I mean, Lix does the same thing to us whenever we're all out to shop or just look around.. He does always find the weirdest things.." This time it's Chan who pitches in, brows raised in amusement at how corny and pointless the current conversation is.

"And why, are we having this conversation?" Hyunjin steps into the living room from the hallway, shaved head now dyed a platinum blond that you hadn't known about at all until now.

Felix immediately beams when he walks in, thinking that Hyunjin will be an escape goat.

"Seungmin is trying to say that I was all over him at the market, but I wasn't." Explaining the entirety of the situation to Hyunjin in as few words as possible, he once again believes that he'll be on his side for the current debate.

Hyunjin looks over at you and smiles very faintly, tilting his head in a curious way, before bringing that attention back over to Felix. "Well, knowing you, you probably were all over him. You have a tendency to be extra affectionate with him when you haven't seen him for awhile, but hey, I'm not going to judge." Putting his hands up as if to surrender, he laughs a little and takes a seat beside Chan, who's sitting on the couch opposite of the one you and Felix are currently taking up.

To say the look of shock on Felix' face is small, is a huge understatement.

"I think you're all just jealous because he was my best friend first." Pouting playfully, he crosses his arms against his chest and leans back against the couch. "Just jealous babies." In a much quieter voice, he adds.

"Why would we be jealous when it seems you're very happy, Yongbok..?" This time it's Jeongin who weasels his way into the conversation, head peeking out from around the corner of the kitchen with a frozen ice cream, one that you'd literally just got done putting away not even five minutes ago. "We aren't jealous, we're just sad that we aren't getting all of that affection as much anymore.."

He looks hesitant to say this, and when Changbin and Lee Know start to coo and awe at him, you can understand why.

Being the Maknae had its perks and its travesties as well..

"I still give you guys just as much affection as I do him.. What on Earth gave you the idea that I haven't?" Bewildered, Felix looks genuinely shocked at this new revelation, leaning forward to place his hands on his knees.

"When I say this, Lixie, know that it comes from a place of love, but.. You're not nearly as touchy feely with us as you are with him.." Ever the quiet one, who had, until now, decided to stay out of the conversation, Han speaks up in a matter-of-fact tone, brows furrowed in a way that lets everyone in the room know he's not trying to hurt anyone's feelings with his blunt comment.

Normally, you wouldn't intervene in conversations like this.. What happens between Felix and the boys is his business, even if you're a spectator or you just so happen to be there.

But..

Considering the topic is currently about you, you choose to step in this time.

"I must really be blind then, because as far as I've been made aware, Lix hasn't been as affectionate with me as most of you have been claiming he has.."

Maybe you really hadn't been paying as much attention as the rest of them were, or maybe they were just being over dramatic as they usually tended to be. Either way, you never thought anything of it when Felix had suddenly grown rather affectionate and touchy every now and then.. You were used to it. It didn't bother you in the slightest either.

From across the room, Lee Know scoffs, though he quickly masks it with a short cough.

"That's because you're the one on the inside.. We're on the outside looking in and we see things you can't." Chan awkwardly laughs, sucking in a breath through his teeth when he realizes he's suddenly agreed with the rest of them. "Look.. We really don't mean harm or foul when we say this or point this out, but it's just an observation.. I won't lie, I've seen it a few times as well, but I never step in, unless Lix comes to be directly and asks me to."

Which honestly, he's never had to do..

At least from your side of things..

Felix this entire time has been quiet, unusually so. When you peer over at him from the corner of your eye, you see he has a blank expression on his face, lips pursed together in a thin line.

That's a look you definitely hadn't seen for awhile.

In an attempt to steer away from the current topic, you gather everyone's attention and ask them what movie they'd like to watch for the night.

That was originally the whole point of running to get those snacks.

In the end, the movie that gets chosen, is a rather lengthy one. It's an action movie that Changbin had suggested you all watch, and considering it was his turn to pick for movie night, you were all forced to watch it.

Normally, movies like this you enjoyed, and often times would find yourself watching a few with Changbin whenever the two of you had hung out. Right now though, halfway through the movie, you crave nothing more than to go home.

Ever since that conversation about how touchy feely Felix had apparently been towards you, he'd gotten into a weird mood, one you had no idea was even possible for him to go through.

He was silent, save for the few times he made comments about the movie or talked to the other boys when the movie was paused for bathroom breaks. As much as you hated to admit it to yourself as well.. You realized he had not bothered an attempt to cuddle with you let alone rest his head on your shoulder since sitting down. He wasn't even under the same blanket as you, which was also odd, because normally he would be.

By the time the next bathroom break rolls around, most everyone besides you, Felix, and Chan, have gotten up to use the bathroom or restock their snacks, and the weird vibe that Felix is giving off finally bothers you to the point where something needs to be said.

"Lix?" Speaking in a whisper, you attempt to get his attention.

Right now, he's scrolling through his Instagram feed, not really liking any posts, just looking.

When he hears you call out to him, he doesn't even pull his face away from the phone screen, just releases a deep 'hmm?' sound that only bothers you even more.

He's never acted this way at all..

"Is everything alright? You've been kinda quiet.. Is Changbin' choice for the movie boring you?" Trying to crack a joke to try and help get him out of whatever headspace he's in, you laugh softly. Though you are even further confused and a little sad when Felix doesn't really pick up on the humor.

"Nope. It's a good movie. I'm just scrolling through my Insta posts right now. I'm also exhausted, didn't get much sleep last night." What should've been a more lengthy response, had been shortened down to just a few words, and that was that.

He'd gone back to scrolling through his phone after that, and it honestly felt like a slap to the face.

Maybe he really was exhausted.

You weren't going to read too much into his current behavior.

Worrying would only makes things worse, and being pushy right now was the last thing you or him needed, let alone probably wanted.

There was a lingering feeling in the back of your mind, though. Something that kept telling you something was definitely up with him and he just didn't want to talk about it, but you pushed it deep down and re-centered your focus on the movie once everyone had sat down again.

Once the movie was over, it was late, too late for you to feel comfortable enough walking home by yourself.

"I know I can't crash here.. So I'm just gonna order an Uber.. I don't really feel comfortable walking home when it's this late out." Chan had asked what you wanted to do considering it was relatively late now, and you had been explaining it to him.

Felix was no longer sitting beside you on the couch, rather, sitting on a loveseat that was in the corner of the living room.

This behavior was so weird, but you tried your best to ignore it and not think too much into it.

"Please, don't worry about getting an Uber. I can walk you home if you'd like? Normally I'd ask the company driver to escort you, but he's more than likely inside for the night, so I don't think that's an option.." Chan offers, rubbing the back of his neck in an awkward way.

It's kind of him to offer, and honestly, the amount of money you have leftover from your last paycheck after paying the bills and rent for the month, is embarrassingly low..

"I'll walk him home." Before you even have the chance to accept his offer, Felix pipes up from the loveseat, lips still pursed into a thin line. "Get some sleep, Chris.. You need it." Trying to be thoughtful of his best mate, he pats his back and offers a small smile. "Just let me get my jacket and then we can leave."

Chan looks a bit bewildered and confused by this, but shakes his head and offers a smile of his own. "Well.. I guess I'll see you when I see you. Please be safe, both of you. If anything happens, call me." He more or less looks at Felix when he says this, but you know it applies to you as well.

After bidding Chan a good night, the two of you leave the dorm, beginning to walk back to your place.

The sound of shoes hitting the pavement is the only thing you can hear. A devastating silence drowns out the nightlife of Seoul as well.

"I have some free time next Saturday if you want to hang out and maybe have lunch together or something." Your voice cuts through the thick tension that stills in the air.

"Can't. Busy that day." Once again, his response is short and directly to the point. You can even sense the emotionless way with which he says it too.

Something definitely isn't right and hasn't been since earlier on in the evening.

"O..Kayyy? Guess not then." At this point, you're finding yourself growing angry with the way he is acting rather than sad as you had before. As far as you're aware, you did absolutely nothing wrong, so the fact that he's acting like this around you is just wrong.

You don't even attempt to talk to him anymore for the remainder of the walk, too angry to even look at him.

Felling angry with Felix was very uncommon. In fact, you can't even remember a time since being his friend, where you'd even so much as felt upset with him. Annoyed, sure. But upset? That was an entirely different ballpark.

By the time you both get to your apartment, both pairs of sneakers stopping at the same time, you're so angry that you don't even acknowledge him or say goodnight when you walk inside, leaving him behind without so much as a glance behind you.

Not even a 'Thank you' is shared.

It would've been better to just take Chan up on his offer. You'd have rather spent the walk home in awkward fits of laughter rather than have to go through what you just did with someone who you've been friends with for a longer period of time. If he was just going to act like this, then why the hell did he even offer to walk you home in the first place?

You decide to text Chan, telling him you made it home safely and that Felix should be on his way back, carrying yourself into your stuffy apartment with what feels like a barbell just sitting atop your shoulders. It's heavy, weighing you down, making you feel far more exhausted than normal, and you fucking hate it.

Chan texts back as soon as you're done getting ready for bed, nearly twenty minutes after you'd texted him.

Channie: Did something happen between you and Lix? I don't mean to pry, but like..

There's an attachment photo of Lix just sitting on the couch with his phone in his hands, a blank expression written across his face.

Channie: He hasn't moved from that spot since he got back. Hasn't even bothered to take off his jacket.

Honestly. Even though you're angry and upset with how Felix has been acting, seeing him sitting there like that, and having Chan be so worried about him, just makes you inexplicably sad all over again.

You: Not that I know of? He's been acting fucking weird with me. The entire walk home was pretty much like talking to a brick wall. Not to mention the fact that he was kinda giving short and emotionless answers. Ever since that conversation about how affectionate he is with me earlier, he's been weird, and I don't know why.

Chan reads the message but says nothing after that.

Whatever.

You're really fed up with bullshit.

You're not gonna take it either.

Felix had come to you when you were at a low point in your life. Your mom and dad didn't approve of your life choices. They wanted you to go to school to become a nurse or something more successful than an assistant for a bunch of well off people.

No matter how you tried to explain that being an assistant was also just as good as anything else they would've wanted, if not better, they just didn't want to hear it.

You were nothing to them. Nothing but a disappointment. It didn't help at all that their precious daughter had come out as someone who didn't identify as one gender or the other, rather whatever they felt the most at any given point.

You were happy though, content as well.

Though when the big fight that ended every single year of life you spent with them, you were broken beyond repair. Your shitty ex-girlfriend had even said you were too much to deal with being so sad and depressed all the time, especially when she had her own mental health to worry about, so she'd up and gone on you too.

To say you were lower than low at that point, was a huge understatement.

Everything seemed pointless.

You were scared, confused, sad, and very very.. Alone..

Being alone was something you fucking hated.

Despised.

LOATHED, even.

The anxiety you felt when being alone, was just unreal..

When Felix had randomly showed up out of nowhere, the one time a group you were staffing for had to do a collaboration with them, he picked you up and put you back together in the best ways possible.

The more time you spent with him off to the side, the more you realized he was actively trying to make you happy without saying it.

His personality, his smile, everything about him was just too good to pass up.

After being alone for so long, it felt good to finally have someone like him to talk to.

He'd been the first person you'd opened up to about everything that had happened in your life. The situation with your parents, ex, even about how you came out to them and received such bad backlash from the people that birthed you and raised you.

That day, he'd made a promise.

"I will never make you feel that way, ever, I promise. You're not alone, Tokki. You have me."

Thinking back on how the two of you had first met brought a smile to your face, but that smile quickly vanished when you remembered things weren't really the best right now.

Turning your phone off for the night, giving up on waiting for a response back from Chan, let alone a text from Felix, you ended up falling asleep with a sinking feeling nestled in the depths of your stomach.

It's gotten ridiculous at this point.

No one has contacted you, no one has spoken a word to you.

The group chat shared between you and the rest of the boys has been mostly silent except for the few times one of them, excluding Chan and Felix, asks if you'd like to hang out with them.

You're not in the mood to do anything of the sort.

Each time you decline, using work as an excuse.

It's been a couple of weeks since that whole fiasco with Felix, and not once has he bothered to send a text.

Chan still hasn't even replied to what you'd said that night either.

You're getting to the point where work is being used as a distraction and you're overworking yourself. Taking more hours, losing sleep, not really taking care of yourself either.

Right now, the only important thing in your life, is that of your job.

"You really need to take a break, Jagi.. You've been working non-stop for a couple of weeks now." Joong worries, accepting the cup of tea you'd prepared for him that morning.

"I'm just doing my job. I have nothing else to do, and I'm more than happy to help you and your boys out as much as possible." The smile you give him doesn't reach your eyes though, and he can see that.

Leaning back in his chair, he sighs, setting his cup of tea down on the table with a soft thud. "It's nice to hear that we're helping you feel comfortable, but you also have to take care of yourself. You haven't been getting sleep, you fall asleep quite frequently during very important meetings, which is fine with me, I'm not going to complain, because you're not our head manager, but it still worries me, Jagi.." His brows are furrowed, eyes locked on you like a target he's aiming at at a shooting range.

"I'm fine, I promise. Your safety and comfort is my top priority. I'd be useless otherwise."

The smile still doesn't reach your eyes.

He misses when you were actually happy..

Not just faking it..

"Now that I think about it.. You haven't been leaving work right after your shift ends for a few weeks now.. I know you used to hang out a lot with Chan and his boys after work, but lately you haven't.. Did something happen between you guys?" Before you can even respond, let alone react, he adds, "Felix. That's the one that usually comes to visit a lot when you're off, why haven't we seen him as much lately?"

Your throat feels dry.

Coarse.

The last thing you want to think about, is Felix. So far you'd successfully managed to distract yourself from him by working and occupying yourself with loads more tasks than you were originally assigned, but now that HongJoong, the leader of Ateez, mentions him, you're almost right back in your downwards spiral.

"They've been busy. They have a comeback soon." Is the bluntest answer you've given him all day.

He doesn't really believe you, but he can tell that the topic seems to be a sensitive one, so he decides to back off, pursing his lips while grabbing his cup of tea once more.

"I forgot about that honestly.. We've been so busy with our own stuff that it's hard to stay in the loop sometimes.. I'm proud of them though, I know this comeback is going to be just as good if not even better than the last."

Work seems to pass by in a flurry of colors for you after that.

Another text from Changbin, separate from the group chat, greets you as soon as you head out of the building for the day.

Binnie: Come to the studio today, got something to show you! If you need me to send a car for you, just let me know!

As much as you don't want to go, you do miss being around the boys.. Besides, it's just gonna be Changbin, given the intonation of the message he sent.

With a soft sigh, you grip the strap of your work bag even tighter, before making your way to the bus stop.

You: Alright, I'll be there in twenty. Gonna grab a coffee.

The bus ride back to your apartment is rather crowded and anxiety inducing. Your clothes are a disheveled mess by the time you do clamber off in front of the JYP building, thanking the bus driver, before he shuts the door in your face and leaves to keep up with the schedule.

You're nervous.

Insanely so.

It's been a few weeks since you've seen any of them.

What if you bump into Felix?

No..

You came here to see Changbin.

Whatever happens, will happen.

It's inevitable you'll bump into someone that works for or under JYP.

When you step inside, the atmosphere is tense, like everyone is scrambling to meet deadlines or stay focused on their assigned jobs. It's then that you remember, it's not just Stray Kids who is having a comeback at JYP.. There are other groups, boy and girl groups, that have comebacks coming up as well, so the building seems to be extra busy.

On your way to the studio where Changbin had told you to meet up with him, you nearly run into a shorter woman, her hair done up in two pigtails. She's wearing bright and colorful makeup, her outfit a mix of pinks and whites. "I'm so sorry!" You're the first to apologize, bowing down low with embarrassment.

You realize that it's Mina, a girl apart of the group, Twice, who is also contracted under JYP.

She apologizes as well, waving her hands in front of her face, before she smiles and rushes past you, obviously late to something important.

When you finally do get to the studio, you knock, and wait patiently for someone to answer.

Though you're not entirely prepared for who answers the door.

Felix, in the middle of laughing, opens the door, his head turned as though he's looking at one of the members who's currently inside, so he doesn't know it's you that stands there, frozen in shock and confusion.

By the time he finally does turn his head, his smile and laughter stops suddenly, and his face falls. It's not really a frown, more like a look of surprise.

"Ahhh! There you are, cutie! Come in, hurry up!" Changbin shouts from inside. You peer behind Felix to see that Changbin is sitting in the chair that's set up right in front of the recording booth, a pencil in his hands. He's looking at you with a big smile on his face, eyes sparkling with mischief.

It seems he'd planned this.

Felix wordlessly moves out of the way so you can enter the room, taking a seat on the black leather couch behind the producer desk. He pulls his phone out and pretends you're not even there, and quite honestly, seeing that, hurts.

"Why'd you ask me to come, Bin?" There's no doubt a hint of hurt laced in your voice, but it's easily overlooked, unintentionally, by the excitement that Changbin is currently exuding.

"I thought it would be better to tell you this in person rather than over text, but... Oneeee of us just got done wrapping up a collab with Lisa." He looks over in Felix' general direction when he says this, a proud smile on his face.

Maybe he's unaware of what's going on between the two of you currently.

"That's.. Nice.. I'm proud.. I know it's going to be great." Your voice sounds extremely strained, and it's obvious that you're more than exhausted.

Seeing Felix, this time, you feel the need to cuddle up with him, not the other way around. It's weird because you're not usually the one craving affection or touch.

"There was more I had to say, but Chan just texted me saying he needs help with something, so I have to leave for a few minutes. I'll be right back! Please don't leave yet! I promise it'll be worth the wait." Bin's brows are furrowed when he looks down at his phone, rolling his eyes from what you guess is the text that Chan had sent him.

Before you can even utter an, 'Alright, see you in a bit.', he's already up and out of his seat, the door closing shut behind you while leaving you and Felix alone.

It's way too awkward.

You feel your throat constricting. Maybe a drink will help.

Digging around in your work bag, you find the bottle of water you'd purchased before leaving for the day, opening it and taking a much needed sip.

The silence that snakes itself around the studio is very deafening. You feel out of place, like you're drowning, head being held under water with no way to escape nor come up for air. It's humiliating just how gross you feel all of a sudden.

"You haven't been getting sleep.." Seemingly from thin air, Felix finally decides to speak to you, and of course, it's him pointing out the obvious.

"Yeah.. Work has been busy." It's time he had a taste of his own medicine. Sharing short, emotionless answers to his statements or questions, you feel the disappointment and anger begin to bubble up in the back of your throat.

On top of that, you just want to cry.

"Joong isn't making you work harder, is he?"

NOW he seems concerned about you..

After weeks of not even bothering to send so much as a 'Good morning' text.

"No. I'm just doing my job. What I'm supposed to do." Yet another short and blunt reply is what he's rewarded with. This one had been a bit more snappy and rude, but if he'd picked up on it, he'd decided to leave it alone instead of addressing it.

"What pronouns are you comfortable with right now, love?" His voice is wispy, quiet, like he's on the verge of crying, but from looking at him, you know he isn't.

Shrugging your shoulders, you basically brush him off with an, "I don't care. Call me whatever."

That finally seems to get him to realize that something is off.

"Is something bothering you?" The fact that he wears such a befuddled look on his face really does push you.

This time, you don't even bother to answer, the anger you feel boiling over.

"Or you can ignore me.. That's fine too.." Although he whispers it under his breath, you still hear it, and that's what finally does break the camel's back.

"Ignore you? That's funny, cause that seems to be what you've been doing to me lately." You're angry, cheeks warm, ears burning. The past few weeks of abandonment, being alone, stewing in your work and gross thoughts, it's starting to come out.

His eyes are wide when he snaps his head back up to really look at you again. "I've been busy??? What are you even talking about?"

"Okay, let's play pretend Felix, ignore what's really been going on for the past few weeks. Pretend it doesn't fucking exist." At this point, just looking at him is pissing you off.

You hate that you even FEEL this way about him right now.

"No, you don't get to come in here and yell at me like that when I've been busy. Sorry for not sending you a 'Good morning' text every day. Sorry for not spending every single minute of off time I have, catering to you and what you want. That's not fucking fair and you know it."

Hearing Felix raise his voice, let alone curse, is a rarity in itself.

It's very hard to piss him off or even get him to that point period, and you were able to do so with barely a push.

You're in complete and utter disbelief at what he's just said to you. Acting like you've always been the clingy one. The one who was texting him throughout the day when you were at work despite it being the other way around.

In a way, he's basically saying you're fucking needy.

Clingy.

That shit, really hurts.

Especially since he knows just how shitty your life had been before meeting him.

He looks like he's about to say more, but you don't even give him the chance to.

"Fuck you, Felix. Really. You're such a piece of shit."

The words come tumbling past your lips before you even have the chance to stop them.

It hurts you to even say such a thing, but he hurt you, and your defense mechanism was hurting him right back.

Without so much as another word, you leave the studio, far too boiled over to even think about staying for the sake of waiting on Changbin to hear the rest of the news he had to share with you.

Unfortunately, that hadn't been the last of your sour interactions with Felix.

In fact, things seemed to have gotten worse.

He had outright blocked your number, blocked your socials, blocked you on everything and anything you both had, and you only found out because he disappeared from your feed on everything.

It was a shitty way to find out, sure, but what angered you the most, is that he was still being a dick to you without probable cause.

What had you done to deserve this type of treatment from him?

Hell, where had the sunshine boy from a month ago gone? Why the fuck was he replaced with someone who was just being hurtful and distant?

At least Chan had started talking to you again..

For some unknown reason.

Channie: I know it's probably the last thing you and him want right now, but the two of you need to come together and talk this out. Mean Felix is NOT fun to deal with.

For the third time this week, Chan was insisting you come and talk to Felix about everything, try to sort things out, and for the third time, you outright told him you refused.

Rightfully so, you were hurt. You were upset. You were angry. Every negative emotion you could feel, was being felt.

Though, the universe seemed to have other plans for you, because Chan had finally decided he couldn't take it anymore, and had showed up at your apartment on one of your days off, with Felix behind him.

"I'm going out for a bit. Felix is staying here and the two of you are going to talk this out like real fucking adults. I'm sick and tired of this. The two of you are acting like children and it needs to stop."

Welp, there was Leader Chan/Dad Chan..

Felix looked like he was about to say something, but was cut off by a glare from Chan, which caused him to seal his lips shut once more, instead focusing his gaze on the welcome mat in front of your door.

Without a word, you stepped to the side and allowed Felix to walk in, and he was quick to brush past you, walking out of earshot apparently because Chan leaned forward and whispered, "Please talk to him. Please. I've only been able to do and say so much. I'm honestly out of options. Help me out this once. I promise to pay you back with a favor whenever you need it." He was pleading with you, begging you to try and fix whatever had been broken with Felix for the past month.

"I..." Pausing with a hesitant breath, you sighed. "Okay.. I can't promise anything, really.. I said something that really hurt his feelings last time we actually spoke to each other in person, so I'm not even sure he'll want to talk to me, but I'll try..." As much as you didn't want to, you also didn't want to incur Chan's wrath.

Scary Chan was not a very pleasant sight to see to say the least.

When Chan leaves, you finally go back inside, only to find Felix sitting on your couch, phone in his hand while a loud TikTok trend blasts through the open space.

"Felix." His name feels foreign on the edge of your tongue, yet you will yourself to say it anyway.

This is for Chan.

This is to help Chan and the rest of the group so they don't have to deal with a grumpy Felix all the time.

You have to keep reminding yourself of this every time you get the urge to back out and just go back to not wanting to talk to him let alone see him.

"We really need to work this out. This isn't good for either of us, and it isn't good for your group either." You're trying to be optimistic, calm even, but it seems the conversation is about to go in an entirely different direction.

"There's nothing to work out. You said what you said. I heard it loud and clear." He puts his phone down and looks at you with pursed lips, expression blank.

His words only make bile rise to your throat, a gross feeling slithering its way through your body like a venomous snake. "You said some hurtful things too, Lix.. This isn't like you.. You usually always take accountability." You want to cry, really, the urge is strong.

"I voiced how I felt and you told me I was a piece of shit? What do I need to take accountability for?" There's a hint of mock amusement in his tone when he says this, and it only irks you even further.

"Is what you said about me really how you feel?" Asking this out of nowhere, the room suddenly goes silent, the tension so thick that not even the strongest blade in the world could possibly cut through it. "Do you really think I want your attention 24/7 whenever you have free time? Do you really think I expect you to always cater to my needs when I know you're just as busy, if not even more busy than I am?" It hurts to say everything out loud, to repeat back to him exactly what he'd said to you that day, but it needs to be done.

When he doesn't answer, turning his head away from you, you take that as a sign that maybe you haven't broken through to him yet. Haven't made him see just how wrong it was for him to treat you the way that he did.

"I have only asked for one thing from you Felix. Respect my choice to be Genderfluid. Respect my pronouns, that is all. So tell me, do you really feel that way about me? Am I really that needy? Clingy? I need to know so I can fix it. I can't fix what you don't fucking tell me." With a shaky voice, you try your best to keep your composure, to keep the facade of being fucking pissed off at him, real. It's proving to be more than difficult though.

"I don't want to talk about this. Really. I wish Chan hadn't dragged me all the way over here just for me to get lectured like I'm a child."

This really is uncharacteristic for Felix.

Though, maybe he'd had a mask on the entire time he was with you.

That was the last thing you wanted to believe.

"What did I do to you Felix? What did I do to you to deserve the amount of shit I've gotten from you the past month? Ever since Seungmin brought up the fact that you're more affectionate with me than them, you've not only been hella distant with me, but your mood has done a complete 180. You treat me like crap, and I'm fucking sick and tired of it." You're being honest, voicing your balled up feelings so loud that you're almost positive your neighbors can hear, but you don't care.

Once again, the room is filled with a deafening silence.

"I don't want to talk about this. I'm going back to the dorms." Repeating himself again, he gets up from your couch, brushing right past you to head to the door without so much as taking a glance back.

"Felix. If you walk out that door right now, do not expect me to come crawling back begging for forgiveness. Our friendship will end right here." It's a threat, one that you intend to make happen should he actually follow through with leaving you here. "You promised me you wouldn't treat me like this. You promised me you wouldn't fucking do this shit to me. So if you walk out that door, you're willingly allowing our friendship to fucking dissolve."

He pauses, hand inches away from the doorknob.

What he says next really shakes you to your core. Really fucking rattles your brain and drives it into panic mode.

"I'm tired of being held down like this. Just.. Leave me alone, please."

With that final thought, he leaves, the drowning sound of your door clicking back into place making you stand in the middle of your living room like a fucking idiot.

Fuck..

You can feel yourself panicking.

Had he really just fucking walked out?

He knows..

He knows you have fucking issues with this shit.

Yet he just walked out.

With barely any hesitation.

The first thing you want to do is message Chan, let him know that things didn't go well, but.. You just can't bring yourself to do it.

Now that Felix had willingly walked out of your life, there was no need to keep in contact with the others.

It would just be awkward if you tried.

As much as you cared for each of them in their own way..

That was probably what hurt the most.

All of the friends you'd made THROUGH Felix, were now void.

You had to have fucked up. You had to have done or said something to make Felix switch up on you that quickly.. There had to be a reason for all of this.. There just had to be.

Maybe you were the problem.

Clingy. Needy. Paranoid.

Just a fucking disappointment.

Fuck, why couldn't you do anything right? You couldn't even keep your own parents in your life, let alone a girlfriend. What made you possibly think you could keep friends in your life?

It feels like the room is closing in on you and you find yourself curling into a ball on your living room floor, hands gripping the sides of your head as your eyes screw shut tightly.

You're trying to think positively. Trying to reassure yourself that this wasn't entirely your fault, but none of it is working.

His words from the day the two of you had decided to call each other 'Friend' just continues to play itself on repeat in your head, followed by the image of him just leaving the apartment. It's making you spiral our of control.

You've royally screwed up..

Shit has officially hit the fan and you're the one to blame.

A couple days go by where you're kinda just in limbo. Your body is repeating the same every day mundane tasks it's used to. You get up, go to work, come home, and try to get as much sleep as you possibly can.

It's a cycle that can't be broken.

If your job wasn't the only thing keeping your body moving right now, you're not entirely sure what you'd be doing.

Crying and disassociating in your room most likely..

On the other end of things, Felix is taking things just as hard, if not harder than you are.

He's fucking sick to his stomach.

How could he even do that to you?

The look on your face when he left was just too much, yet he still chose to walk right out that door.

His attitude has shifted once more. No longer grumpy Felix, but rather, depressed Felix. Not one is better than the other, according to the rest of them, but he's way too into his own head to even listen to them.

He had been treating you unfairly..

It was wrong of him.. So wrong, but he was scared.. Fucking terrified. When Seungmin had called him out on his advances towards you, he realized that he needed to distance himself. He needed to stay away from you, so that he didn't fuck things up and say or do something stupid to scare you away.

His feelings weren't complicated at the time.

Chan had been the only one who really knew about how he truly felt about you. How he'd started to develop feelings for you shortly after the two of you had become friends.

Honestly, Chan had seen it way before he did, but hadn't brought it up until Felix had gone to him and told him directly.

The night he walked you home, he wanted nothing more than to talk to you properly. Wanted to confess to you how he really felt. Though when push came to shove, he froze up and found himself staying silent, giving you short, curt answers that he knew would throw you off.

He had no idea what he was supposed to do..

It's not like he was well versed in actually liking someone in a romantic way.

The only love he ever gave was to his members and STAY.

Always the sunny, carefree, sweet one of the group.

The one who was expected to always be happy and catering to others' needs rather than take care of his own.

Heaven forbid he have an off day..

Sometimes it really was tiring, but he loved what he did, he loved his members, he loved everyone who supported him.. But sometimes, the image that everyone had created in their heads of him, was not who or what he actually was.

He was only human, same as everyone else.

When he realized he liked you far more than was acceptable for friend status, he got thrown for a loop and things became difficult.

Try as he might to remain relatively natural around you, his actions grew bolder, his hints got more obvious, and most of the time it was without his knowledge.

How else was he supposed to react? You were honestly a breath of fresh air for him. Most people would look at him and freak out because he's 'Felix from Stray Kids', which, of course, he really really doesn't mind, it makes him happy.. But.. With you, there was no such reaction.

First thing you even said to him was, 'Who are you? Are you staff?'

At the time it had been funny. He was genuinely surprised you really hadn't heard of him despite being apart of the staff for Ateez, a group that his own got along with quite swimmingly.

To be fair, the day that you'd met, he wasn't in his stage makeup, let alone any makeup at all, so he looked more or less like a normal staff member..

It felt nice.

To not be recognized purely as 'Felix, the sunshine boy of Stray Kids'.

Now that things had inexplicably become horrid between the two of you, he wishes he'd gone back and done things differently.

Really..

Whatever was going through his mind to make him think that what he'd said and done was okay, was just appalling to him.

"Okay, I'm tired of this Felix.. And I know everyone else is fed up with it too. What's going on with you? Why are you moping around so much?"

Surprisingly, it's Lee Know who asks this. Usually it's Han or Chan. Jeongin will occasionally check on him too, but other than that, each of them knows and respects the space that each other needs sometimes.

"Don't really want to talk about it right now, Lee Know.." He curls in on himself, burying his face into the couch cushion to try and avoid looking at him. "I just messed up. I messed up so bad.." For some reason, he changes his mind when he feels Lee Know take a seat beside him on the couch in silence.

There's tears already welling up in his eyes. His heart hurts, his body hurts, everything just feels pained and weighed down right now. It's hard to breathe let alone swallow.

"You're talking about them, aren't you." Acutely aware as always, Lee Know guesses what the source of Felix' current depressive mood has stemmed from. When he doesn't respond, he feels Lee Know shift a little. "I may not know everything, and you don't have to explain everything. What happens outside of everything that happens here, is your own business.. But, you need to seriously sit down and talk to them properly. It's obvious to me that you actually really like this person. I've seen the way you act around them, how happy they make you, and it's a different kind of happy that we can't get from you."

Felix lifts his head up just a little, panic settling into his gut when Lee Know says this. His eyes are still welling up with tears, but at this point, it looks as if they're ready to come falling down at any moment now.

"It's not a bad thing, Lix.. A lot of people are like that. I'm not saying that you don't treat us fairly, don't give us enough care and attention, because quite honestly.." He scrunches his nose up, a look of disgust on his face. "You do.. In fact, far more than I care for.." He's joking. Felix knows this.

If Felix had stopped showing them all the amount of affection he had already been providing for them, then he knows that they'd all worry and ask what was going on with him.

"I said some really.. Really mean things to them.. I hurt them.. I broke my promise to never treat them the way that they had been treated before they met me.. They were right to be mad, to call me names, to feel the way that they did.. Because I genuinely treated them like garbage.." Saying it out loud is far different than thinking it in his head, so hearing himself say this, finally pushes the tears past the corners of his eyes.

"I turned my back on them even though I knew if I did, they would never want to see me again. I WILLINGLY allowed that to happen because I was too stuck in my own head. Just knowing that they're probably hurting so fucking bad right now, hurts me so much.. I want to be there for them.. I want to apologize.. I want to make it up to them.. I just.." He's turned into a blubbering mess, quiet sobs being ripped from the back of his throat.

All he can think about..

Imagine..

Is you curled up in a ball inside of your apartment, barely taking care of yourself and probably crying your eyes out..

Either that or you're overworking yourself.

He knows better than most people, you have a habit of doing that when something is wrong.

"We all make mistakes, Felix. None of us are perfect. If we were all perfect, then life would be pretty boring, now wouldn't it?" After letting him cry a little bit, Lee Know speaks up once more, resting a comforting hand on his back. He doesn't rub his back, doesn't even lift a pinky, just rests it there.

He knows that's his own way of supporting him through this.

"Mistakes are apart of what makes us human. It's what let's us know we're still just as real as anyone else. You may have said some hurtful things to each other, but, if I know anything about being hurtful in the heat of the moment, it's that when things calm down, that's when it's best to come back, reconvene, sit down and talk to each other. Apologize for your behavior, and try to figure out a way to fix things."

Really, hearing his Hyung gift him with this advice, is exactly what Felix needed.

Chan had attempted to tell him the same thing before, but it was when Felix was still like a ticking time bomb. One wrong word or move would just set him off.

"When you feel ready.. I need you to go and visit them. I want you to talk to them, and I mean.. Actually sit down and try to have a proper conversation with them. Don't chicken out, don't get defensive every time they say something, just sit there and let them talk, then when everything is said and done, you say your piece. From there, the rest is up to the two of you."

Just the thought of talking to you after what he did, how he treated you, was enough to make him panic a little, but he knew it had to be done. This whole thing had to be fixed, and he needed to be the one to do it..

"I mean it, Jagi. No work for the next couple of days. You need to stay home and catch up on your sleep." For the millionth time, HongJoong is telling you that you're not allowed to come into work again until you've finally been well rested.

"I said I was fine. I'm functioning. I haven't fallen asleep in meetings, I've been on top of everything more so than usual.. So why are you doing this?" You're beginning to freak out.

The only thing that's been distracting you and keeping you from further falling deeper into your spiral, has been your job, and now that was about to be ripped away from you.

"I'm not letting you go, I'm not firing you, I'm just sending you home and banning you from coming back until you get PROPER rest. I am worried about you, so is Wooyoung.. San.. Seonghwa.. Everyone here is worried about you." He sounds stressed, concerned, scared honestly. "Don't fight me on this anymore.. Please? Just go home and get some rest. You can come back to work next Monday, I promise.."

As much as you want to continue to fight him on this, you hold your tongue and nod your head silently, biting on the inside of your cheek so hard you're almost certain it'll start bleeding.

When he thanks you and says his goodbyes for the evening, you're left standing in front of the building with a deep sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

No work until next Monday.

That's six days away.

What the fuck are you supposed to do to occupy yourself within that time frame..?

The bus ride back to your apartment is quiet, nothing like its usual loud and bustling liveliness you've grown accustomed to.

There's a concert tonight.. You're pretty sure it's a group from JYP, but your brain is far too foggy and overrun with lack of sleep to even think straight.

By the time you get off of the bus, your eyes are already lidded, sleep threatening to take over you as you walk the short distance back to your apartment. Your shoes click against the pavement in slow and uneven strides, and your vision is not as straightforward as it should be.

Hopefully you'll just crash out on the couch once you get inside, sleep sounds really fucking good at the moment..

Being buried in paperwork and other office tasks that really weren't supposed to be assigned to you for the past week, had really begun to take a toll on your body, and it was only just now catching up to you.

Everything was being used as a distraction. It was an unhealthy way to try and cope with the events of the past month and a half.

Pulling your keys from your jacket pocket, you sleepily make your way up to your front door, gaze focused on watching your own feet move one at a time to ensure you don't lose your balance. When you reach your familiar welcome mat though, there's another set of feet that's just inches in front of your own.

Confused but exhausted, you look up slowly, only to realize the person those feet are attached to, is none other than Felix.

It's been weeks since you've last seen him, let alone talked to him.

You also have been successful in not thinking about him as well.

As soon as you see him, it's like time freezes in place, and your exhaustion has suddenly dissolved into thin air.

Why the hell was he even here?

"Tokki.." The familiar pinch of his brows as he takes in your disheveled appearance, makes your heart hurt.

There's the soft Felix you'd almost forgotten about..

"Why are you here?" It's a genuine question, and your voice is cracking beneath the weight and emotions you feel while asking him this.

"Can we talk about this inside, please? You look like you can barely stand, love.." His voice is so fucking soft and deep that it's wrapping around your brain like a warm hug. It's comforting you, when really, it should be pissing you off, making you angry.

But you're just so sick and tired of being angry..

Wordlessly, you nod and push your keys into the keyhole, unlocking your apartment and pushing the door open, the cool air wafting out and making you shiver.

No one says a single thing to the other as you both get comfortable on the couch, Felix sitting on one side, while you sit farthest from him on the other. Your legs are tucked up under your body, head resting against the back of the couch.

It's quiet. Too quiet.

You're not even sure why you let him back in after he left last time..

"Why are you here?" Once again, you repeat yourself, voice soft and wispy, like you're on the verge of crying.

In all honesty, you are.

"I.. I wanted to try and talk to you properly now.. Everything's finally calmed down an-"

"Calmed down?" You interrupt him with a raise in your brow, an angry smile stretching across your face. "Really, Felix? Calmed down?" Your voice is starting to raise in volume.

Maybe you weren't entirely done with being angry yet.

"For the past two weeks, nothing about my life has been calm. Absolutely nothing."

His lips are pursed together in a thin line, guilt fresh on his face. If you weren't so angry right now, you'd probably feel bad and back off a bit, but that doesn't seem like an option right now.

"My mind has been a chaotic fucking mess. I've been all over the place, trying to keep myself grounded to reality, because every time I think about you for even a second, the only thing I see is you walking out of that door! I warned you, I TOLD you our friendship would end right then and there, and you still fucking left!" Now you can feel them, angry tears are leaking from your eyes, and there doesn't seem to be a sign that they'll stop anytime soon.

"You treated me like shit, Felix! You flipped and did a complete 180 on me! Honestly gave me fucking whiplash with how out of the blue you suddenly turned on me. I tried.. TRIED to ask you what was wrong. TRIED to get you to talk to me like an actual fucking adult, and all you did was fucking leave!"

"Tokki, I.."

"Do not. Felix, don't you fucking dare. You have no right to call me that anymore." Pointing an accusatory finger in his direction, your voice begins to waver more, cheeks stained and wet with tears that keep rolling down in waves.

There's a lump beginning to form in the back of your throat. It's making it harder for you to finally release all of these pent up feelings you've been having for the past month and a half. Screwing your eyes shut, you swallow hard and release a shaky sigh.

"You ignored me, avoided me, made me seem like I was constantly vying for your attention when I wasn't.. You fucking broke the promise you made to me, which honestly hurts the most because I trusted you.. I blindly put my trust into yet another person who took advantage of it and used it to fucking crush me, break me into a million fucking pieces again. Fuck! You don't know how much I HATE you right now!"

You can't actually bring yourself to hate him.. It's temporary..

With your feelings so uncoordinated right now, it's the only word you can use to describe how you feel about him in the current moment.

"I was so confused.. Lonely.. Scared.. I didn't want to lose you, Lix.. And with the way you had been treating me, that's what it felt like.. I felt like I was losing the one fucking person who helped piece me back together after a great fucking grievance.. No, multiple grievances in my life, and you fucking walked away from me like you didn't even bother to give it a second thought.."

Just when you think you're done, something that hadn't even crossed your mind, accidentally slipped out. "This shouldn't hurt as much as it does.. Why does it hurt so bad..? Why can't I just be fucking normal?"

"Love.."

"I'm tired of feeling like this.. I'm tired of being like this.."

"Tokki."

"Why can't I just get over the fact that people grow distant sometimes? I feel so selfish.."

"STOP."

Felix' voice booms a bit louder this time, finally silencing you.

"Don't beat yourself up like that.. Please. I can't sit here and listen to it. I just can't." His eyes are watery, lips parted slightly as he stares at you with furrowed brows.

"You're not selfish. It's okay to not be what society deems as 'normal'. I want you to listen to me, can you do that for me?" Even though he looks like he's on the verge of crying, his voice remains steady and calm.

Nodding your head wordlessly, you feel more tears stream down your cheeks, and you grab one of your couch pillows, hugging it to your body.

"I don't expect forgiveness, I don't expect empathy, I just want to be completely open and honest with you, Tokki.." He takes a much needed deep breath, calming his raging nerves before continuing. "I treated you poorly. I regret it. I hate that I even allowed myself to do that to you."

There's something preventing him from keeping his mouth shut. Now that he's opened his mouth, he's spilling things that he had intended to keep for after the apology, and it's surprising even himself.

"I.. I was trying to deal with my own complicated feelings, and I went about it incorrectly.. I pushed you away and distanced myself, but I also hurt you in the process of doing that, and for that.. I can not stress enough how sorry I am.. You didn't deserve that at all.."

He's gotta force the lump in his throat down.. It's hard, but there's no other way..

"Whenever I'm around you.. I just.." His head shakes softly, mouth still hanging open slightly as he tries to think of the right words to describe how he feels. "Lose my ability to pull myself back, if that makes sense..?"

Of course, this flies right over your head, and he can see it in the way you not so subtly raise your eyebrows.

"Fuck.. This is hard.." Feeling awkward and embarrassed, the tips of his ears burn, cheeks growing warm as he rubs the back of his neck anxiously. "I've liked you.. For awhile.. And I thought I was being subtle with them, but the others were quick to catch on and notice, so I panicked and tried to keep you away from me so that I wouldn't screw up and do or say something that would scare you away.."

You blink.

Once.

Twice.

A third time.

What kind of apology even is this?

"Uhh.. Lix I do-"

"No no no.. Wait. Please. Don't say anything yet.. Just.. Just let me get this out.. Please?"

No way you could possibly deny him that much, especially when he asks like that..

Pursing your lips together, you grow silent once more, brows still furrowed together. Your cheeks are still stained with tears, but they no longer escape.

"I'm not used to this. I'm not used to how I feel for you. It's hard for me to process let alone try and keep under wraps. You know just as well as I do, the idol life calls for zero relationships. The only relationship we're technically supposed to have with anyone period, is that of our fans. As much as they may tell us we are allowed to date now that our three years is up.. I think all of us have come to a mutual agreement that we don't attempt to nor try.." He's rambling at this point, he knows, but he's doing his best, and he knows that's all you really care about..

He's trying.

"While I as well as the others.. Know that some of our fans would be more than supportive if one of if not more of us got into a relationship.." Sucking in a breath through his teeth, just imagining how insane the internet would be if it was announced that he or any one of his brothers was dating someone, doesn't put a pleasant image in his head. "I know you know the rest, so I'll spare you the details.. But.. I genuinely didn't know what to do once everyone pointed out I was.. Different around you than when I was around them..."

His leg is bouncing off the side of the couch. It's a common anxiety tic that you also happen to have. He's really nervous, and for the life of you, you can't figure out why.

Is he afraid you're going to be disgusted by him for liking you?

Maybe he thinks you're going to tell him you never want to seem him again after he confesses.

"The way I was acting, was immature.. It was unfair to you.. I should've just been honest with you from the start.. I shouldn't have kept my feelings bottled up, and I shouldn't have tried to push you away. I definitely should not have treated you the way that I did.. Once again, I really mean it when I say that I'm sorry, Tokki.." He's crying, sniffling softly while he turns his head away from you in shame.

"I really like you.. I love being around you.. I love cuddling you, holding you, seeing you smile.. Your laugh, if I could listen to it on repeat 24/7, I would in a heartbeat.. Everything about you is amazing to me. You work hard, you care about everyone that crosses your path. You show kindness to anyone and everyone, despite what their status may be.. I just.."

There it is.

That lump in his throat is back again.

"Am I allowed to speak now..?" After thick bouts of silence, your hoarse voice rings out through the heavy atmosphere, and he barely lifts his head to acknowledge you, sniffling again.

When he's able to compose himself again, he lifts his head, eyes red, puffy, lips pursed into a thin line while he nods his head softly.

"While I do accept your apology, Lix.. It's going to take me quite a bit to actually forgive you.. Now, that doesn't mean that we can't still be friends.. I'd love nothing more than to stay friends with you, but pursuing a relationship right after you broke my heart, just isn't in the cards for me right now.. I need time." It hurts to hear this come out of your own mouth, but it's an important boundary you've set for yourself.

With past experiences, you know first-hand just how pointless it is to jump right into a relationship after having your soul crushed and not taking the time to properly heal it.

Healing is important.

"I don't want things to be weird between us.. I will let you have time to yourself as well. I really do hope that once we've both taken some time to heal ourselves internally, that we can come together and talk about possibly pursuing something more with our relationship."

It feels refreshing, freeing even. Expressing yourself the way that you want to, putting your foot down and setting healthy boundaries so that you take care of yourself first..

"I understand, Tokki.. Thank you for actually letting me sit down to talk to you.."

He wants to ask for a hug, but he doesn't want to step over the boundary you have placed, so he purses his lips again, offering a small curved smile.

With red puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and a smile, you can tell he wants something, or maybe wants to ask for something.

He's far too easy to read sometimes..

"Come here, Lix.." In a hushed tone, you motion for him to come over to your side of the couch, with which he hesitates at first. "If you don't get your ass over here I'm going to drag you, now come on you dork.." Laughing softly, you motion for him once more, and he finally does.

You wrap your arms around him, and swear you feel ten times lighter. He's warm, warm to the touch. Really, you want to cry all over again. This feeling of being held by him, it's something you missed terribly.

"Missed you, Lix.. Really missed you.." In a hushed whisper, you rest your head atop his and close your eyes.

He's home..

It takes some time for things to go back to a sense of normalcy.

Not that anyone is complaining.

Felix understands you still want some space, and you understand he does as well.

It's been a couple of months since he apologized and confessed his feelings for you, and within that time-frame, the two of you have done a lot of healing. Re-building and strengthening your friendship was a breeze, with a few altercations that weren't too serious.

The rest of the boys were more than relieved that the two of you had managed to rekindle your broken relationship, because, as Changbin and Seungmin had put it..

"Who else would get us extra snacks and watch terrible movies with us?"

Being able to be around all of them again, not just Felix, had been so rejuvenating.

The way that you missed them almost as much as Felix really spoke volumes.

They were just as important to you as he was.

"Move out of the wayyyyy! Tokkiiii! Tell Bin to move out of the way, he's cheating!"

Currently, you're hanging out with Chan; Felix; and Changbin.

You had collectively decided to all try and play Mario Kart together, and it had proven to be just as chaotic with only four of you, as it would have been had everyone been there.

Changbin was trying to block Felix' view of the screen at the moment, cackling like a gremlin when he'd successfully made him fall off the side of the map to take first place.

"Yahhh! You cheater! F-"

"Felix.. Language.."

Before he could even shout some very R-rated words at the gremlin still laughing beside him, Chan had raised a brow and interrupted him with a warning glance.

He pouts and puts his controller down, deciding that he's too angry to play anymore. Then he makes his way over to the couch and sits beside you, wordlessly lifting the blanket up and nestling into your side. "Fucking dick.." He whispers under his breath so that Chan doesn't hear.

You hear it though, and it pulls a warm laugh out of you.

"Careful, Lix, Chan has super hearing." Not so subtly looking up at Chan, you continue to laugh when he raises a curious brow as if to ask 'what's going on?'

"Who's side are you on here? Cause it's definitely not mine." Very offended by your remark, he pulls away from your side and looks at you with fake hurt on his face.

Putting your own hands up in surrender, the laughter doesn't stop. "I'm not on anyone's side. I am but a humble mediator."

He squints his eyes at you and scoffs. "Oh yeah? If you're not on anyone's side, then why are you laughing so much?" Moving his face closer to try and intimidate you, all it does is make you laugh even harder. "You're hiding something from me, aren't you. Tell the truth, love. Who's side are you on? If you give me the wrong answer then I might as well just stop cuddling you."

With the threat of no cuddles, you try to stop laughing, but it's so hard to when Felix keeps looking at you like this.

"Lix! Don't hold that over my head! It's not fair!" Before you can say more, another fit of laughter is pulled from the back of your throat as he starts to tickle you. "Stoppppp! Chan, Bin! Help! How is this fair?!" Calling out to the other two through fits of laughter, you're thoroughly disappointed when neither one comes to your rescue.

"Not my problem." Changbin states rather bluntly, smiling at the sight of you two.

"Don't get us involved with your issue. This is between you and Felix." Chan adds, laughing alongside you.

Fuck, this really wasn't fair!

"I.. I'm not on anyone's side! Really! Lix, please! I'm being serious!" You're laughing so much to the point your sides are starting to hurt and tears are leaking from your eyes.

"Hmm, why don't I believe you?" Continuing with his assault, he asks this with a smug look on his face. "For all I know, you could be lying to me just to get me to stop tickling you."

"LIX! PLEASE!" It comes out as a mix between laughter and a sob, sides aching. "I promise I'm not lying! Promise!"

Hearing this, he finally lets up on his attack, sitting back and allowing you to finally catch your breath.

"Owww.. My sides.. Fuck man.. You couldn't have gone a little easy on me?" Rubbing and massaging your sides to alleviate the ache, you pout, scolding him for not listening to you the first couple of times you'd told him to stop.

"I'm sorry, what was that? You want more?"

"NO! Get your gremlin hands away from me!" Jumping up from the couch, the blanket follows, falling to the floor in a heap as you point an accusatory finger in his direction. "Touch me again and I'll beat your ass, Lix!"

Even though you threaten him, there's a smile on your face that says you're not meant to be taken seriously.

The smile that's curled up against his lips is wider than usual, and you can see nearly every single freckle that lines his cheeks. He looks so happy, so cute..

"Take a picture, it'll last longer, Tokki." With a smug look on his face, he laughs when you throw a couch pillow at him, shouting some expletives his way.

Eventually, the play-fighting comes to an end, and Felix announces that he's off to take a nap.

Uncharacteristic for you, but you ask him if you're allowed to join him, feeling exhausted yourself.

His eyes are wide and for a moment he looks as though his brain is buffering, before he stutters and confirms that it's okay for you to join him.

At first, you hesitate to get in bed with him once you both get to his room, and from the way his ears are burning, you can tell he's just as unsure of what to do as you are.

"I'm not going to bite.. Get in bed before I kick you out of my room, please.." He sounds shy, embarrassed even, and honestly you don't blame him.

You're in the same boat.

Climbing in beside him, he pulls the covers over the two of you and settles on his side, facing your back. "Never asked to nap with me before.. It's different than asking for cuddles, y'know.."

Feeling just as embarrassed, you snap back rather quickly with an, "And how is this any different than cuddling?"

"Because we're sleeping in the same bed together. There's no one else around us, it's just us two.. It's not like we fell asleep on the couch together.. This is.. This is just different."

Now you realize how different this really is.

Still, it's not that big of a deal to you. You're just taking a nap with him, nothing more..

Silence takes over the two of you, and you're just about to fall asleep when you feel a pair of arms wrap comfortably around your waist, tugging you closer to the body that's behind you. "Gonna hold you.. M' sorry if I startled you, just wanna hold you.." Felix' voice has gone down a few octaves, and it's obvious he's probably fighting off sleep.

Your cheeks are warm, ears burning so much that you're sure he can feel the heat radiating from them.

Try as you might to fall asleep, his arms around you while your body is pressed up against his own, is preventing you from doing so.

It's been a constant battle of wiggling away, or attempting to, only to be pulled back, for thirty minutes at least.

"Why are you fidgeting so much? Do you want me to stop holding you?" His voice is right next to your ear, and it's soft and deep, making you shiver.

"No.. You can keep holding me, just.. Can't fall asleep.." You admit, trying to calm your nerves and the racing of your heart.

For a moment, things go silent again.

Maybe he'd fallen asleep.

Though when he suddenly shifts, lightly tugging you until you're now facing him, that thought is immediately debunked.

His eyes are lidded, droopy even. There's a lazy smile etched into his face, and he's looking at you like you're the most amazing thing he's ever seen in his life. "Would it help you if I sang to you? Or I could read to you?"

You're genuinely taken by surprise at his questions. He's really offering to do these things for you just to help you fall asleep?

He's obviously so tired, and the fact he's offering to sing or read to you just to try and lull you to sleep, actually makes your heart skip a beat.

"Lix.. You don't have to do any of that.. I'll fall asleep soon." Trying to decline his offer, as much as that does sound appealing to you, he needs to sleep too, and he looks like he's about to.

"But I want to, Jagi.." The endearment, while definitely not foreign to you, because your boss addresses you as such on an almost daily basis, still makes your cheeks grow warm, because it's coming from Felix instead.

He's sleepy is all.

He probably doesn't even realize he said it.

"You're so warm.. Are you feeling alright, love?" His hand reaches up to feel your forehead and cheeks, and immediately, you know you're done for.

He may have fallen for you first, but right now, you're falling HARD.

What is wrong with you..?

"M' okay.." Unconsciously you press your warm cheek into the palm of his hand as he goes to take it away, and he freezes. Your eyes are no longer looking at him, instead suddenly interested in the black and blue of his bed spread.

Nothing is said for awhile. You're not sure for how long, but it seems like time is passing by so unbearably slow. His palm cups your cheek, thumb gently running across the softness of your skin, and not a single noise let alone word comes out of either one of you.

That is, until Felix speaks, in a low, tender tone.

"You're so handsome.. I really hope you know that."

It comes out of nowhere.

The fact that he's called you handsome has your skin buzzing, and there's a strong urge to kiss him.

You two haven't even had the opportunity to sit down and talk about maybe advancing things in your relationship yet..

"Handsome, pretty, adorable, cute.." He just keeps going and going. Praising you and forcing your cheeks to warm each time he calls you something sweet.

"Lix.." It's the only word you're able to produce, and it comes out faintly, just barely above a whisper.

"Hmm?"

"I like you too."

It comes out before you have a chance to stop it, and you're hoping that it doesn't ruin the mood.

"Is it arrogant of me to say that I already knew that?" He asks, laughing softly when you finally bring your eyes back up to meet his own.

"No.. If anything, it's embarrassing.. You knew before I did.." You curl up close to him, and he runs a hand through your hair, humming softly.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, not when you're with me, Jagi.."

When you pull away from him, he's already looking at you with a softness in his eyes that puts you in a trance.

His gaze shifts down to your lips momentarily, before it quickly shifts back up to your face. Just from that movement alone, you can tell that the two of you are thinking the same thing.

"M' gonna kiss you.. Is that okay?" You're the one who asks first, and it feels like you're running out of breath.

"Yes. Please." He says this like he's relieved you finally asked him, and it would've made you laugh, had you not been so desperate to finally feel his plush lips against your own.

The kiss is soft, tender, sweet, everything you had hoped it would be if not more. He holds the back of your head as well, and the action makes you feel weak.

When you both pull away, he rests his forehead against yours and smiles so wide you're pretty sure it's bordering on impossible.

"Been wanting to do that for so long.." He whispers softly.

After a few more soft kisses, you both decide it's actually nap time, and he's once again holding you against his chest, sighing contentedly. "Does this mean you're okay with our relationship advancing?"

Rolling your eyes playfully, you close your eyes.

"What a silly question to ask.. Go to sleep dork.. I love you."

A few more beats of silence, and then he finally responds back. "I love you too, Tokki.."

(I'm gonna be completely honest. I know I can write better, so I'm gonna write another Felix drabble after this one is posted because I just wasn't all to happy with how I wrote this one. I enjoyed the prompt, just not how I wrote it lmao. It may just be me being hard on myself but eh..)

(I am going to be making a one-shot for every member, that's the goal here. After Stray Kids is done, I'll work on a few of the members from Ateez.. Hope you enjoyed the read!)

#stray kids #stray kids x reader #hongjoong #ateez #lee felix #skz felix #stray kids felix #felix x reader #stray kids fluff #fluff #angst #angst with a happy ending #angst with comfort

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yesimwriting · 1 year ago

Note

how old are they? (best friend!felix x reader)

short answer: felix is late 19/20, reader feels late 17/18 (i like the thought of reader having skipped a grade bc one of her main insecurities is constantly wanting to seem older bc being mature is the one thing her dad prasied her for)

elaboration below the cut!!

i saw a picture of Saltburn's script that says felix is supposed to be 20,, ig that could be wrong bc of editing/verification,,

i don't remember his age ever being explicitly stated in the movie though, but i feel like it's implied (through his status/familiarity in an on campus routine) that he's not a first year/a little bit older than oliver, but i do picture felix as 20 (maybe late 19 if i ever want to write a blurb where reader and felix are celebrating his birthday)

also it just feels like a good age for him! just starting to get his foothold in the adult world, enough youthful idealism still in his system to want to make someone as "tragic" as oliver his project when a safer choice would have been someone a little shinier,, and just as he's leaving his teenage years behind, he dies (ironically and arguably bc of the youthfully naive concepts his family life would have encouraged him to keep into adulthood) :(

so now instead of being forever 20 bc of his comfortable life style, he's forever 20 bc he has to be,, in a way oliver got to know the only version of felix he would ever know but i digress

bestfriendreader feels like a 17/18 year old freshman to me (hear me out),, i like reader as a freshman bc it's one more thing that should make reader feel closer to oliver,, but she just doesn't, which adds to their dynamic that i haven't shared much of but i will!!

also,, i see bestfriend!reader as someone that's spent their entire life hanging out with people a little older, constantly striving to seem more mature/be a grown up bc her mom's a free spirit and her dad only praises her when she handles his disappointments "like an adult"

also something about bestfriend!reader being on campus for like two weeks, hearing every story on earth about felix and his friends that he's more of an enigma than person (campus celebrity vibes) that she doubts is that impressive until he sits down next to her in class and starts talking is cute idk,, like reader not even realizing how big a deal felix's interest in her is until one of her friend's is like dude.

it's the kind of luckiness that oliver originally hates her for,, reader walked onto campus,, new to oxford,, new to the country, and still manages to snag felix's attention without even trying

idk if the age gap is weird tho😭 (i'm 20 rn and would never date a 17/18 year old but my best friend is 18, started college at 17 bc she was ahead a year and when she was that age she dated 19/20 year olds that went to school with her and that didn't feel weird bc they have enough in common bc of their setting) sooo i'm open to reader having an early enough birthday that she's 18 by the time her and felix get close,, i like the idea of writing a birthday fic anyway lol

#ask #bestfriend!felix #bestfriend!felix x reader #felix catton x reader #saltburn x reader #jacob elordi x reader

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ughtyrell · 3 months ago

Text

Ollie's lies were true AU

A fic I tried writing a year ago but has been rotting in my drive rotting unfinished. Haven't gotten around to re-watching Saltburn but I'll post this.

AU where all Olivers lies were the truth but addicts are the greatest liars when the people around them try to expose their actions.

What people who don’t deal with drug addiction surrounding them realize is, it’s not always black and white.

Even drug addicts can pull themselves together for short periods of time. They can be great at that as a matter of fact. Suddenly the house filled with disorienting music, trashed hallways and dishes laying around are clean. The ugly smell of chemicals from mum’s pipe is replaced with the fresh chemical smell of cleaning supplies.

Mum who was on the couch with a cigarette dangling dangerously from her fingertips yesterday, looking glazed and almost corpse like, has a pep in her step. Even if that’s mostly to her taking an upper instead of a downer than anything else. A smile on her face that’s ready to fool whoever she deemed worthy enough of to put on an act for.

Be that a concerned family member, just checking in darling, worried about you and the kid. To school faculty who have told Oliver multiple times that a parent needs to come in for a meeting. Or if it's easier we can make an exception and come to your residence? That is usually a good enough reason for mum to put on the mask of a proper mother. Or at least one that isn't a total mess that should have had me taken away years ago. Speaking of which. Another worthy of her act are social workers. Not that they ever do much. They see me breathing and looking relatively fine then that's good enough for those bunch.

Though I can assume that when you've never experienced it personally, it would be hard and not something a person could quite grasp. Especially when drugs and addiction is so demonized. A drug addict, you'd imagine a run down house, living in their own mess and barely lucid. You might not even be wrong, that might be the case most of the time. Though people would be surprised how clean addicts could get sometimes. Like my mum, when she suddenly has these cleaning fits that have her pacing around the house and deep cleaning everything, yelling at me to fucking do something to help. Maybe my mum is just strange for an addict. But it keeps our house in Prescot looking decent and presentable.

Back to it being hard for someone not witnessing the situation first hand to see past the act and lies. I guess I could understand that seeing my mum, dressed in nice proper clothes, seemingly lucid and voice welcoming and kind, would make you doubt or immediately believe anything I might have told you about her be a load of horse shit.

Still. It never stops the dread and betrayal when people take what they're seeing at face value without evening attempting to see through it. But it would've been nice to see someone at least try. To not immediately dismiss any suspicion that they might have had. To not just think to themselves, oh well things look fine, maybe I was just over thinking. Or, the kid was lying, of course he's lying kids always lie.

It would've been nice if Felix was different like that.

But alas, mum's flawless show has once again left me looking like a fool. A liar.

The tense ride back to Saltburn was suffocating. Going over how to explain this all to Felix in a way that he could understand, that could make him see past the facade he just saw. But how do I say all this? To make someone like Felix listen and understand? That the woman he just saw wasn't and isn't the woman I've grown up with all my life? That of course she was going to be on her best behavior if you've given her plenty of time to put on the mask and make sure everything is seemingly perfect?

That I don't even know the man who was sitting in our living room? Probably a man that mum seduced soon after my dad passed. A random she tells me is my new step father but call him your father out respect. She couldn't ever bear being alone. Or more accurately, without someone to control.

It doesn't matter. Felix doesn't even give me a chance to explain the moment we get back to Saltburn.

"You're a fucking liar Ollie. Why would you lie?"

It's like every time this has happened is flashing before me. The memories hold my words hostage. Feelings of hopelessness envelope me. This won't be different from any of the other times, I can already tell. The only words that come from my mouth are, "I just wanted to be your friend."

Of course that's not enough for Felix. His eyes hold disappointment and a barely veiled rage in them.

#saltburn au #saltburn fic #oliver quick #felix catton #cattonquick #saltburn #ty ideas

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beautifulchris · 2 years ago

Text

meteor shower

pairing: lee felix x gn!reader

wc: 3,9k

featuring: kim seungmin, yang jeongin, astro’s sanha, txt’s soobin

summary: it takes time to realize your own feelings sometimes. even if they’re for your favorite person

genres: hogwarts!au, childhood friends to lovers!au, muggleborn hufflepuff!felix, halfblood hufflepuff!reader, fluff, comedy, slight angst

tw: sickenly fluffy, kisses, sanha lives dangerously

notes: moodboard made by me, pictures found on the internet. reposting works from my old blog

order of writing: chan - jisung - minho - hyunjin - jeongin - seungmin - changbin - felix

networks: @kflixnet @k-labels @straykidsland @kwritersworld

tag list: @badwithten @soobin-chois @raethethey send ask/dm/comment to be added!

“It’s still OK for tonight, right?”

Felix was your best friend since you were in diapers. Your families were friends, so you went to a muggle school and did everything together, even though you were a halfblood from your dad’s side.

When Felix got his letter from Hogwarts, the first thing he thought of doing was run to your house and excitedly shake it in front of your face. With a rather shocked expression—mouth wide open kind of shock—, you showed him yours. It was so unlikely to happen; you had prepared yourself for months to tell him you wouldn’t be able to go to secondary school with him. And finally, against all odds, he was going with you at Hogwarts.

You remember when he told your dad after learning about his bloodline, eyes wide and shiny, “y/dad/n, I’ve never noticed!”

You’ve been sorted into the same house and, four years later, you still don’t know if it was your will to stay by your best friend’s side or your personality that put you in Hufflepuff. Maybe both.

“Of course, Lix.”

One of Felix’s favorite spots at Hogwarts was the Astronomy tower. It was the tallest one of the castle, surrounded by a parapet and turret, and without a doubt the best spot to look at the sky —especially the stars and the moon. It was usually out-of-bounds except for classes but Felix was determined to spend quality time with you there every chance he got.

“Cool. I’ll bring snacks.”

The second favorite spot of your best friend was the kitchen. He found the entrance on a rainy Sunday during his first year. He was so bored he decided to touch every inanimate object in every painting of the whole castle —I agree it’s a rather odd hobby—, until the green pear in a painting of a bowl of fruit in the donjons giggled and turned into a large green door handle. When he entered, he faced a dozen house elves smiling and bowing to him, proposing tea and snacks. They were all wearing the same tea towel, draped like a toga, bearing the Hogwarts’ crest.

Ever since, you have been going to the Astronomy tower together with some food to share as you observed the stars, and sometimes your gaze shifted to the freckles on his soft looking face. You often thought the galaxy had nothing on them.

Tonight, however, as you left the common room to go to the Astronomy tower a few minutes after Felix, your luck left you. You only got to walk a few meters before none other than the head boy of Slytherin, Minghao you recalled, spotted you and mercilessly gave you detention for “wandering the castle’s alleyways in the middle of the night”. Shoulders down, you were forced to go back to your dorms, without the possibility of warning Felix —none of you had an owl.

Felix waited for you for two whole hours, mindlessly picking at the food he brought. Thinking you bailed on him, he got upset and sad, and eventually came back to sleep around three.

The next morning, he didn’t wait for you and directly went to eat breakfast. When you entered the Great Hall, Felix was eating and talking to Sanha. Feeling a hand on your shoulder, you turned your head; It was Soobin.

“He seemed a bit tense when he got up. What happened?”

You pouted. “I got caught.”

“Ah shoot. Come on, let’s eat.” You adored Soobin, he always knew how to comfort you (read: he doesn’t). Felix did his best to ignore you; it was unsure who was the most hurt by the other.

“Lix,” you called as you sat in front of him, “I’m sorry about last night. Minghao saw me and gave me detention.”

His eyes softened as he looked up at you. So much for being upset. He was relieved you didn’t stand him up. Not that you would… He just got insecure.

“It’s okay, I had fun with…” He was searching for some smart remark but couldn’t come up with anything. He was nervous. “Actually, I practiced the red sparks charm.”

“I bet you’ve mastered it by now,” teased Sanha.

“I waited for you in the common room. I revised for the care of magical creatures test but I almost fell asleep so I went to sleep,” you explained, deliberately ignoring Sanha.

“Are you going to keep breaking the rules for the sake of your little nightly dates the whole year?” asked Soobin, seriousness in his voice.

You snorted, finding the date allusions delusional, although the more you thought about it, the more your cheeks burned. Meanwhile, Felix choked on his pumpkin juice.

“We don’t—”

“That’s not—”

“You know friendly dates exist, right? Why are you getting into a stew? That’s suspicious.” Soobin snickered along the brown haired boy, amused by your alarmed states. For the rest of the breakfast, Felix and you avoided looking at each other.

(っ◔◡◔)っ ✿

To no one’s surprise, Felix got the highest score on his care of magical creatures test about nifflers, while you got an E, which was a good score; you did revise after all.

During recess, Soobin wanted to work on his divination essay, or at least try to come up with something tangible. Felix helped Jeongin out with a flobberworm issue and Sanha preferred to find out how close he could get to the Whomping Willow without getting crushed. You had to work on a charms assignment but this was more interesting.

Soon, clusters of different houses and ages came to see the show. Sanha spent a few minutes carefully getting closer and dodging some branches, but couldn’t avoid the last one. He flew three meters away, his face first on the mud, under the laughing and clapping of the crowd.

You ran to him, suppressing a snort. “You okay?”

“Sure, that was fun,” he smiled as he dusted off his robes and pants. “Fancy trying?”

“Absolutely not, thanks. Come on, we’re going to be late for potions.”

“We still have t—”

The ringing sound shut him up.

You pointed your wand to his muddy face and whispered: “Tergeo.” All the dirt got sucked by your wand. He thanked you then followed you into the dungeons, where Felix and Soobin were already talking.

“Sanha, what’s with your robes? Is that… a tree bark?” asked Felix as he took a piece of crust out of his robes to take a closer look.

“Yeah, I almost touched the Whomping Willow’s trunk but a branch got me first.”

“You’re living dangerously,” laughed Soobin, quickly followed by the group.

The glee quickly died down when the potions professor opened the door of his classroom.

“I’m sure you’re having fun, however I’ll deduct twenty points to whoever laughs during my class,” the professor said with his usual monotonous voice. Several students sighed as you walked to your table next to your best friends.

“Today we’ll brew the Pepperup potion. Can anyone tell me what this potion does?” Almost immediately, Sanha raised his hand. “Yoon?”

“It cures the common cold and warms up the recipient.”

“Indeed. Five points for Hufflepuff. Now, who can tell me the inventor of this potion?”

Again, Sanha’s hand raised first. “Glover Hipworth, sir.”

“Good, five more points for Hufflepuff.”

Sanha loved potions, to state the obvious, and he had a remarkable memory. While he was impressive for knowing every detail about any potion, from the ingredients needed to the fun facts, Soobin’s area of expertise was preparing them. One could say they made a good team.

Felix and you weren’t that bad either, you always prepared your potions almost perfectly. What was for sure was that you never burned a cauldron or made any potion explode, which was more than Renjun and Jeno could say. The pair of Ravenclaws never seemed to stay away from trouble in this class.

Later that day, Felix and Seungmin were looking at the House Points hourglasses, debating on who had the most points when they saw fifteen sapphire gems being deducted. They looked at each other and the younger one sighed.

“Who do you think it is, this time?”

“Probably Jisung,” the Ravenclaw student answered. “I swear, he’ll be the death of me,” he wailed, rubbing his forehead with the palm of his hand like a tired-of-life man.

Felix tried his best not to laugh, feeling sorry for him. They parted ways after that, Felix going to the care of magical creatures class while Seungmin went to ancient runes.

Your best friend was outside, on his way to the edge of the forest when you spotted him from afar. Running to him, you tripped on your own feet and fell on his back. Due to the fact he didn’t see nor hear you coming, he couldn’t prepare himself for the impact, meaning he fell head first into the grass, his arms up in a dramatic way. As you got up, you profusely apologized for your clumsiness.

Felix sweetly smiled at you, and, while you were helping him up, he said: “I’m okay, Y/N. Are you?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m good. Are you sure you are, though?”

“I am, promise. Let’s go, we’re gonna see fire crabs today!” he joyfully said, taking your hand in his to drag you along.

They were cute from afar but kind of intimidating, these crabs. You knew they could shoot flames from their rear end, but you also learned a lot: They were native to the Fiji Island, their multicolored jeweled shell was extremely valuable and they were an endangered species. Noting every important piece of information you heard on your parchment, you weren’t aware of Felix’s gaze on your face every now and then. He loved how you looked when you were focusing; brows slightly frowned and mouth forming a thin line.

He ignored the pain of his limbs as he watched you in adoration.

While going back to the castle, Sanha pointed to a puddle of mud next to the Whomping Willow with a proud smile. “We still see the imprint of my head when I fell in the mud this morning.”

(っ◔◡◔)っ ✿

First weekend of March, the fourth Quidditch match of the year was about to begin, opposing Gryffindor to Hufflepuff. Felix was in one of the towers, being the commentator of the match.

As a faithful best friend, you went to every match to cheer on your team, but especially Felix. No matter who won, as long as your best friend had fun up there.

Gryffindor won this match, 360 to 210… For their defense, Hufflepuff didn’t have Hyunjin, Chan and his partner. They were a force to be reckoned with.

Felix’s mood was down until after dinner, when, on his way to the dungeons with Soobin and Sanha, he heard the astronomy professor say there was going to be a meteor shower that night. She was disappointed that it was Saturday, because she couldn’t bring any class to show them.

But Felix could show you.

He ran to his common room, searching for you. Seated on the comfortable couch near the fireplace, you were doing your care of magical creatures assignment. When he spotted you, a smile even bigger than the one he already had adorned his lips and he came in front of you, panting a little.

“Are you okay?” you worriedly asked, putting your parchment and quill aside.

“Never better. Date tonight at one at the Astronomy tower?” He looked more excited than usual.

“What’s the occasion?”

“We don’t need one, but if you insist, there’s a meteor shower tonight.”

You beamed; you’ve always wanted to see one. “Okay, I’ll come.”

“Brilliant.”

Sanha and Soobin entered the common room together, sending a knowing look with a smirk at Felix then went to their dorm without a word. Following your best friend’s confused gaze, you saw your friends’ backs leaving the room through the round door leading to the boy dorms.

“Come sit with me, we’ll do our assignments then go to the Astronomy tower,” you proposed, and Felix gladly accepted.

You patiently waited for the common room to empty, and once your best friend and you were the only ones there, on the comfortable couch of your earthly favorite place of the castle, you put your stuff in a corner and left as discreetly as possible.

As you were carelessly running, hand in hand, to the tallest tower of the castle in the middle of the night, he exclaimed with a mischievous grin: “I promise Y/N, this meteor shower is going to be worth the detention!”

But you didn’t get detention that night. Instead, you watched a spectacular show in the sky next to your favorite person then went to bed, head full of stars, heart full of love.

“Don’t you think our friends’ smiles hit differently after their nightly date, Soobin?”

The four of you were seated at the Hufflepuff table in the Great Hall for breakfast, Felix and you opposite your two tall friends.

“You’re right Sanha, it’s quite the view,” smirked the black haired boy, clearly mocking you and your best friend, who was quieter than usual.

Quickly glancing at him, his flushed cheeks made your own face warm up and you looked away, clearing your throat. Taking a long sip of pumpkin juice seemed more interesting than anything else at that moment, making you miss the noiseless laughs from across the table and the shy eyes stealthily gazing at you from your left.

(っ◔◡◔)っ ✿

“Felix, I appreciate your help on this essay, truly I do, but you’ve been staring at…” he followed his friend’s gaze, “the wall for a while now. Are you okay?”

Jeongin had asked Felix for help on his salamander essay, resulting in them being in the library, but the older one’s mind seemed to be elsewhere.

He shook his head and turned his attention to his friend. “Sorry, you were saying?”

“Are you okay?” he repeated.

“Yeah, sure. You wrote that salamanders live as long as the flames they were birthed from continue to burn, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t forget to note that scale rot, if left untreated, can cause a salamander’s tail to detach?”

“Noted.”

“And—”

“Felix,” Jeongin cut him off.

“Yeah?”

“I finished the essay ten minutes ago. Are you sure you’re okay?”

He loudly exhaled, earning a ‘shh’ from the librarian that was walking by, and put his head in his hands. “Was it easy for you to comprehend your own feelings?”

Jeongin was taken aback by the question. Of all people, Felix was asking him for advice. The thirteen year old who liked and was dating his cute Slytherin classmate for roughly a month.

“I asked for advice myself… but in the end, I knew it wasn’t just friendship.”

The older one looked up to his friend and pouted. “I think I like my best friend.”

Jeongin beamed, clapping quietly. “That’s so cool!”

“No, it’s not!” he whisper-shouted, receiving a quizzical stare. “What am I supposed to do?!”

“You’re not just asking me that.”

Frustration built inside the blonde boy, he didn’t know how to deal with his newfound feelings. How was he supposed to repress them in front of you? Act normal? He knew it would be more difficult than staying awake during divination.

But he had to try.

Before Felix could join his friends at the Hufflepuff table for dinner though, Seungmin stopped him in his tracks.

“You look constipated. Lost house points?” The joke brought the shadow of a smile on Felix’s face, and that was when his friend knew something was wrong. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Does Y/N know?” Know what? He was confusing the poor boy even more. “That you like them.”

Now, if Felix had a drink in his mouth at that moment, he would’ve spat it all. “How did you know?”

“Please, it’s obvious to everyone. So?”

“I don’t think so…”

“Okay. Don’t beat yourself up too much, alright? You can go for it,” he comforted him as he patted his shoulder.

He sat down next to Jisung before Felix could say anything. He finally joined his friends and sat across from you, his Ravenclaw friend’s words confusing him even more, if that was even possible at this point.

“I smell change,” Soobin raised an eyebrow, suspiciously looking around.

“What are you talking about now?” you giggled, nudging him.

“No, I smell it too,” Sanha added, eyes boring into the side of your best friend’s face.

Felix was concentrating on cutting his meat, trying his best not to spare you a glance.

“You okay, Lix?”

Your concerned voice was all it took for him to look at you. He was so weak for you, it scared him a little. “Sure,” he replied, giving you a small smile, holding so much adoration in his eyes as always. “Just tired.”

You nodded with an understanding smile, and dinner after that was rather silent. Unbeknownst to both of you, Sanha and Soobin shared a knowing look, shaking their heads in desperation.

The next day after class, the four of you were around a table in the common room. Two were working while the other two were bored, staring at the ceiling —guess who— until Soobin abruptly got up from his armchair. “I have an idea.”

“A good one?” Sanha enquired.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

Five minutes later, the two rowdies were building a house of cards with Soobin’s deck of exploding snap. Knowing the scaffolding could explode at any moment, Felix and you quickly put your school related stuff back in your bags in silence.

Deciding it wasn’t entertaining enough, Felix left the common room to do his assignments in the library. You wanted to see who would make the whole thing explode first, but spending time with your best friend you had a not-so-secret crush on was too tempting.

Too immersed into contemplating how or even if you were going to speak to him about your growing feelings, you missed the hole in the stairs. Felix, who climbed over it without thinking about it, flinched when the armor upstairs started creaking, bursting into a guttural laughter. Raising a brow in suspicion, he turned around. As he saw you knee deep in the stair’s hole, he hastily climbed down the stairs to help you up, putting his arms under yours.

Once you were out of ‘danger’, Felix dusted your robe and looked at you in concern. “Are you okay?”

Ashamed of your clumsiness —especially considering you knew exactly where the hole was—, you nodded, staring at the floor. “I’m sorry.”

You missed your best friend’s side smile and soft eyes. “There’s absolutely no reason for you to apologize. It happens. What’s important is that you’re okay.”

He took your hand in his and walked in the direction of the library, avoiding the hole and any other obstacle that may have come your way. His hand was warm against your colder one.

It felt nice.

You were in the library in no time, sitting at a table in the charms aisle. Concentration was difficult on both parts, the close proximity of a few minutes prior still vivid in your minds. Instead of diligently writing your essays, you glanced at each other from time to time, blushing like idiots.

If Seungmin or Jeongin were here, they would probably tell them to communicate. Like, it wasn’t that hard—

“Felix?” His face shot up from his rather blank parchment on vanishing spells, expectantly waiting for your next words. “Let’s go to the Astronomy tower tonight.”

He gulped. It was usually him that proposed the nightly dates. He felt so warm inside, he nodded and gave you his toothy smile you loved so much.

That night, when Felix came up to the tower a few minutes after you, his eyes widened at the sight. You had prepared a little picnic full of his favorite snacks and juice. The sky was clear so you could plainly see the stars and constellations.

“What’s the occasion?”

“We don’t need one, but if you insist,” you repeated his words from a few days ago with a grin, “I’m asking you out on a date.”

He blinked a few times at your bold words, processing the news. You suddenly felt shy, cheeks burning furiously when Felix got closer to you. He gently intertwined your fingers together, looking at you with such adoration, it was hard to hold his gaze.

“I’d love to go on a date with you,” he whispered, closing the gap between your foreheads. “Once more.”

Felix knew deep down that all of the dates you’ve both been on were not so friendly to him. It just took time to realize it.

You wanted to kiss him, but were too shy to initiate it. Thankfully he got the hint and, after asking for consent, gave you a peck, and another, and another. Each time longer than the one before, both smiling into the soft kisses. He then gave you the biggest loving hug.

Eventually you enjoyed the picnic, watching the stars like always. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, you turned to the human you loved most.

“The stars wish they were as bright as you.”

Felix blushed, burying his face in the crook of your neck to hide his reaction. You ran your fingers through his hair, kissing the top of his head tenderly. The night ended smoothly, both falling asleep in each other’s arms on the picnic sheet.

The next day, at breakfast, Soobin and Sanha spotted you coming from the stairs instead of the dungeons on their way to breakfast.

“Where were you? You never went to bed yesterday,” enquired Soobin, waiting at the end of the staircase in the Entrance Hall.

“Where did you sleep and what did you do?” asked Sanha, hands on his hips, looking at you both suspiciously.

“Went on a date, ate snacks, watched the sky, kissed and fell asleep there,” you recounted on your fingers.

“You WHAT?” Sanha choked on air while the black haired boy gasped dramatically.

“We kissed,” repeated Felix, beaming and showing your entwined fingers to your friends, which you know they had missed because their eyes widened.

“Oh, dear. It’s happening,” Sobbin said, clutching at Sanha’s arm. “The ship has sailed.”

Sanha laughed under your questioning gaze and Felix’s incredulous one.

“You knew, too?” he asked your tall friends.

“Please, the whole school knew at this point. You were probably the last two to realize.”

“Thanks for the precision, Sanha,” you sighed, “but at least we know now,” you added with a smile as you turned to Felix, kissing his cheek.

Soobin fake threw up while Sanha acted like he was framing the scene. “Cute.”

(っ◔◡◔)っ ✿

“Hufflepuff wins the House Cup this year!” the headmaster told the entirety of the students and professors. It was the last day of the year, you were excited for another summer with your best friend, except this time, you came home as lovers.

Felix hugged your side, happy your house won this Cup, if not the Quidditch Cup. He caught a glimpse of Seungmin shaking his head in disappointment and fatigue.

With reason, Ravenclaw was last with 380 points. Third was Slytherin with 395 points, Gryffindor second with 430 points and, finally, Hufflepuff had 495 points.

thank you for reading! if you enjoyed, please let me know <3 and here's the masterlist!

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