#feels the same as being the one kid in middle school who got actively and intentionally left out of gossip circles

[betty-bourgeoisie]

I have tried so so hard at multiple points through out my life to understand just like... the basic facts of the Israel Palestine conflict, but every time I feel like I'm getting close someone will bring up some religious belief that's influencing it, that I, as someone who was raised very much outside of any Abrahamic religion, have absolutely no understanding or context for and I feel like I have to start all over again.

Like I can not be the only one who feels this way. Isn't there a 101 primer out there for those of us who simply didn't grow up in these communities?

[childrenofcain-if]

UNSEEN SCENE AFTER MEETING C AND D

C was tugging D along by the sleeve so hard that it was a miracle the leather didn’t stretch. the brunette’s face was dead serious, a determined set to their jaw as they guided their gray-eyed best friend down a quieter path, away from the buzz of the activities fair.

when they’d put enough distance between them and the fair, D finally pulled free, grinning broadly.

“so… was that really the person you’ve been talking about for years now?” D asked as they leaned against a lamppost, eyes gleaming.

C crossed their arms, mouth pressed into a thin line as though the question alone was a bait they had no intention of taking.

IF YOU HAVE ❤️ POINTS WITH C

D’s mouth twisted into a more delighted smile. “oh my god. that’s really them, isn’t it? the one who you—oh, what was it?—‘had the distinct displeasure’ of competing with all these years? the person who’s been living rent-free in your head since, what, middle school?”

“will you keep your voice down?” C hissed, looking around in an agitated way, not meeting D’s eyes.

“you have got to be kidding me.” D snorted, hands on their hips. “this is almost too good to be true. years of all your whining about ‘i can’t believe they got the highest grade again’ or ‘oh, guess who is on the front-page of the school journal again’—and now you’re both attending the same university.”

C folded their arms tighter, the very picture of a person resisting all of this with every fiber of their being.

“i wouldn’t call it whining,” they said through clenched teeth. “it was merely an observation.”

“oh, sure, it is,” D said, sarcasm spilling from every word as they reached out, clapping C on the shoulder with a teasing gleam in their eyes. “come on, i’m not blind. you’ve been obsessed with them. practically haunted by their existence. and now, here they are. how do you really feel about it?”

“how do i feel?” C repeated, feigning casual indifference as they shrugged off D’s hand, forcing their voice to stay steady. “i feel fine. i feel… exactly the same as always. it’s not as if seeing them is anything special.”

“oh my god, you are so lying right now,” D snorted, leaning closer with a wide, delighted smile. “i mean, come on, admit it. a little crush? a tiny bit? i mean, you talked about them constantly for years.”

C’s cheeks flushed, and they bristled as they looked away. “it’s not a crush, not at all. no way in hell. it will never ever happen. besides, i’ve only mentioned them… in passing. a handful of times. you just have a selective memory.”

D’s laughter was warm, infectious, and wholly unapologetic.

“please, C,” they said, voice softening to an almost affectionate drawl. “you’ve got to stop kidding yourself. the only person who looks at someone the way you looked at them back there is either head over heels or in some kind of blood feud.”

C scoffed, rolling their eyes, though their stomach twisted uncomfortably at D’s words. “there’s nothing good about it. they’ve been a constant, unrelenting nuisance since day one. it’s exhausting.”

“a nuisance who happens to be drop-dead gorgeous?” D raised an eyebrow, grin wide and teasing. “i have to admit that you have excellent taste.”

“they’re… sure, i suppose they’re not terrible-looking,” C replied, voice sharp as they struggled to keep any hint of warmth out of their tone. “but that’s hardly the point. beauty isn’t— it’s not everything. there’s more to them than that.” they could feel D’s eyes on them, too perceptive, too knowing. “i respect them for their… intellect. it’s admirable.”

“their intellect is so admirable,” D said, voice and tone mocking C’s. “they’re so intellectually ‘stimulating,’ i simply can’t stand it.”

“D,” C snapped, but there was no true anger in their voice, just the sharpness of embarrassment and irritation.

D held up their hands, though the grin still danced on their lips.

“alright, alright. i’ll stop,” they said, though the teasing lilt never left their voice. “it’s just… i mean, come on. if i believed in fate…”

“please, don’t,” C muttered, barely concealing a groan. they glanced away, fixing their gaze on a nearby tree as if that might somehow ground them, stop the fluttering discomfort twisting in their chest.

D finally quieted, though a look of amusement still lingered in their eyes. after a moment, their expression softened. “look, i didn’t know that was them back there. otherwise, i wouldn’t have… tried to chat them up.”

“it’s none of my business,” C replied quickly, perhaps too quickly, the denial coming out sharper than they intended. “you can flirt with whoever you want, D. you are your own person, same goes for them.”

D’s gaze lingered on C for a moment, thoughtful, as though they could read the faint tremor that betrayed C’s supposed indifference.

“right. got it.” D’s voice was quiet, a hint of laughter still beneath it, but slightly gentler now.

C shifted under the weight of D’s stare, feeling strangely exposed, as if they’d somehow let a crack appear in the careful façade they’d maintained all these years.

“besides,” C added, trying to inject a note of finality into their tone. “it’s… it’s complicated. i don’t expect you to understand.”

D shrugged, a flicker of something like empathy crossing their face before they brushed it off. “hey, i get it. just didn’t realize they were the infamous rival of yours. honestly, it explains so much.”

C shot them a dubious look. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“oh, nothing,” D replied innocently, but their eyes were still dancing with that infuriating glint. “i just think you should be more honest with yourself. might save you some of this broodfest, grumpster.”

“thanks for the unsolicited advice,” C retorted dryly, though they could feel the faint sting of truth in D’s words, a reminder of thoughts they’d long tried to ignore. “can we just… talk about something else?”

D gave a little shrug, letting the subject drop with a nod. “fine by me. though i will say, this is definitely the highlight of the semester so far.”

C rolled their eyes, but a faint smile tugged at the corner of their mouth despite themselves. “your standards are painfully low, D.”

“oh, absolutely,” D agreed with a grin, falling into step beside C. “but admit it, you’d miss me if i wasn’t around to torment you like this.”

C huffed, but their gaze softened, a hint of genuine affection flickering in their expression. “perhaps. only if it keeps you from tormenting everyone else.”

“oh, please. you know most of them are happy enough to let me ‘torment’ them.” D’s grin turned almost conspiratorial. “just make sure to invite me into any fistfights if this whole rivalry thing escalates.”

C chuckled, and the sound felt surprisingly light, easing some of the tension that had coiled in their chest. for a moment, the weight of their earlier encounter with you seemed to fade, replaced by the familiar comfort of their best friend’s easy humor.

as they walked back toward their dorm, their steps falling into an unspoken rhythm, C allowed themself a moment of quiet. they still felt the faint sting of embarrassment, the echo of D’s teasing words lingering like a half-formed thought in the back of their mind. but there was also an undeniable warmth, a strange, hesitant excitement that fluttered just beneath the surface.

they tried to push it away, to ignore the thrill of possibility that had sparked when they saw you across the fairground, but it lingered all the same. and as they walked in silence beside D, their gaze fixed ahead, they couldn’t quite shake the feeling that, whether they liked it or not, they would be forced to confront things they didn’t understand quite yet.

IF YOU HAVE ❤️ POINTS WITH D

C stiffened, their jaw clenching, barely nodding. “yeah. that’s them.”

D laughed, clapping a hand on their best friend’s shoulder.

“wow. okay, see, now i get it,” they said, shaking their head. “you were always complaining about how they were everywhere, stealing the spotlight. but, damn, if i’d known you weren’t exaggerating like crazy, i’d have pestered you for their contact ago.”

“yeah, like that was ever gonna happen,” C muttered with the irritation of someone who’d just had a private grudge revealed.

“oh, come on,” D continued, eyes still dancing with that insufferable amusement. they weren’t even pretending to hide their interest now. “did you see them? they’re hot! as in hot like a damn star, C. you can’t deny it. i almost melted right there and then. how did you never mention that part?”

C’s frown deepened, their discomfort sharp enough to cut through D’s lightheartedness. “i’m serious, D. if you’re thinking of trying anything with them, don’t.”

D couldn’t help but chuckle at C’s reaction, leaning back against the wall with an almost wistful expression. “you’re really no fun, you know that? think of the story we’d have—dating your enemy’s best friend… well, whatever else it might become.”

“we’re not exactly ‘enemies,’” C sighed out, observing D with a strange, inscrutable look. they seemed to be trying to read D’s intentions, as if searching for some hidden motive beneath the casual words. “i just don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get involved with them in any way.”

“you’re acting like i’m going to ask them out or something,” D said as they gave C a sidelong glance. their tone was flippant, but there was a defensive edge to it. “i’m not about to go falling head over heels. it’s just… fun.”

C gave them a skeptical look, trying to gauge just how serious they were. they knew D’s habits, their tendency to flirt and play around without letting feelings get involved, but something about this felt different. maybe it was the way they’d looked at you, that lingering fascination that seemed out of place for someone like D, who usually brushed things off before they even started.

“D,” C said quietly, almost as if they were choosing their words with care. “just… be careful, okay? i mean, you know what happened last time.”

D’s smile faded slightly, and their eyes took on a cold look.

“that was different,” they replied, a touch of anger in their voice now. “and anyway, i don’t need you looking out for me. i can make my own choices.”

C pursed their lips as they tried to think of how to say what was on their mind without making things worse. “i’m not trying to play parent here, D. i just don’t want you to do something you won’t be able to deal with later.”

D’s expression grew even more guarded, the usual playfulness in their eyes dimming to something harder, more closed-off.

“thanks for the concern, but I’m a big kid, C,” they said with a faintly strained smile. “you don’t need to worry about me.”

the air between them felt chilling and C wasn’t entirely sure how to fix it. they had only meant to protect their best friend, to stop them from getting tangled in something they knew was bound to end badly. but D’s response had left them with an uncomfortable knot in their chest, one that seemed to pulse with a mixture of worry and frustration.

they walked back to their shared dorm suite in silence, neither of them speaking as the quiet settled between them. C could feel D’s thoughts simmering, a subtle resentment that they weren’t quite sure how to ease. and for some reason, that feeling of helplessness only made C more irritated.

as they reached their suite, D barely registered C closing the main door behind them. they ignored their green-eyed friend’s soft, wary look, the way they almost seemed about to speak before they thought better of it. without another glance, D moved to their own room, shutting the door with a sharper click than they’d intended, leaning against the cool wood and breathing out slowly.

the familiarity of this old frustration settled in their chest, the same sensation they’d managed to bury over time and miles—until tonight. seeing C’s expression, their concern thinly veiled beneath their chalcedony gaze, had brought it all rushing back. and for one brief, shameful second, D found themself resenting their best friend for it. they hated them for thinking they needed to protect them. hated them for reminding them of the person who had taken so much from them, left behind an utterly mangled version of them, burned up everything so badly that D was barely recognisable in the aftermath.

they let out a soft, bitter laugh, sinking down onto the edge of the bed, fingers pressed to their temples. if only C knew how pointless their worry was. there was no wound left to guard, no vulnerability to shield. they’d lost that version of themself long ago, and no amount of protective warnings or shieldings from C would bring it back. because the truth was that there were pieces of themself they would never fully recover. pieces that had been taken and then, with brutal finality, lost entirely.

they were ruined. ruined.

a part of them knew C’s warning had come from that familiar place of concern. C really was family to them, even if they would never understand what they’d been through. D would never wish it on them, ever.

D really wasn’t interested in dredging up those old feelings, that kind of attachment. they’d been honest enough with themself, ruthless enough, to know that what they wanted now was simple and uncomplicated—just fun, just a distraction.

it was just physical attraction. that was all it had to be, and nothing more. it could be simple. no one would get hurt—not you, and definitely not D. they wouldn’t let it become more than a surface-level game. they’d played it before and they’d play it again, this time without letting you to come close enough to shatter them like they did.

D closed their eyes, forcing themself to refocus before their thoughts involuntarily took them to you. and it made them nauseous, that feeling, the warmth of it expanding in their chest, a reminder of something they couldn’t afford to want. D didn’t trust feelings of that sort, they never will.

cursing under their breath, D pushed off the bed and went straight to their desk. the sleek metal drawer on the side clicked open, revealing a row of small bottles, pills neatly aligned. the sight of them was a strange comfort, like they were seeing old friends lined up and whispering about the relief they’d be providing D with, waiting to make everything easier.

D reached for one of the vials, hands steady despite the storm churning inside them. it was an old trick, one they’d used more times than they could count. just a couple of pills to quiet their mind, to drown out the feelings that were starting to unravel the control they’d fought so hard to keep. they twisted off the cap, fingers almost mechanical in the familiarity of the motion, and tipped two pills into their palm. they swallowed them dry, the bitterness sliding down their throat as they sank onto the bed, waiting for that numbness to settle in.

they closed their eyes, willing the thoughts of you away, clinging to the silence that was beginning to spread, blotting out the warmth in their chest before it could turn into an inferno, the faint ache they’d hoped never to feel again.

after a lifetime of feeling too much, the numbness was desperately welcomed.

[sserajeans]

bff premium?

kang haerin x fem! reader

synopsis: after distancing yourself from a friend you've unfortunately fallen for, the rest of the group catches onto her sour mood, and all fingers point to you

genre + others: fluff, mutual pining, friends to lovers, non-idol au, high school setting, friend group is rly just nwjns + yn

notes: i swear yail update will come i just had this in my drafts and felt bad for not posting for a while!!, requested, IM SO SORRY IT TOOK THIS LONG I REALLY WANTED TO BE IN TBE MOOD WHEN I WROTE THIS 😭😭😭😭 luckily haerin posted some pics that ive gotten completely insane over.. so!

you and haerin always had something special between the both of you.

you two met in middle school, when your homeroom teacher was assigning seats. she was a quiet kid, and so were you, but one of you had to get over it. so when the class was given a paired activity to "get-to-know each other", you were forced to come out of your shell, and haerin welcomed you (surprisingly) warmly.

it started off as a strictly-seatmate type of friendship, where you two would only interact whenever it was needed. but as you spent more and more time working on assigned activities together, you were beginning to realize that maybe you enjoyed her company more than you thought, and so did she.

eventually, you two began spending time together outside of class; during recess, lunchtime, sometimes after class in the library. it didn't take long until the both of you became really close, a known tandem. you were her closest friend, she was yours, and everyone knew that.

over time, your friends became hers as well, and so whenever everyone was free, your little friend group composed of minji, hanni, danielle, haerin, hyein, and you, would hang out together. at a clubroom, the courtyard, the gymnasium, a cafe, the cafeteria, anywhere.

but no matter how many close friends surrounded you two, it seemed clear to anyone that you were closer to each other than anyone else. the same way hanni was to hyein, and minji was to danielle.

now your feelings for haerin grew a couple years later, and you only admitted them to yourself in your sophomore year of high school. that's about four years or so since you two met, and about a year ago from today.

from the beginning, you had always found haerin pretty. it wasn't hard to admit. she was nice to look at, and the way her cat-like eyes turned into crescent moons whenever she smiled ear to ear... yeah, you knew you were enjoying it a little too much.

and it only worsened the more you got to know each other, because you found out there were so many things to adore.

the way she wouldn't stop talking about frogs, her love for tomatoes, her eyes and the way she blinks slowly when she looks at something she loves (a cat-like habit you picked up when she was watching a recipe video for an avocado dish).

the list could go on and on if no one stopped you, and after talking about it to your mom (who was very supportive of everything, by the way), you came to the conclusion that you liked haerin, in a "more-than-a-friend way".

but you had no idea, not a single clue, on what to do with that realization. what would happen if you told her? if you didn't? would she feel the same? would she be disgusted if she didn't?

crushes and romance was one of the most untouched conversation topics between the two of you, so you had no idea if she was even open to such ideas.

but the one thing you knew for sure, was that she was your best friend, and you were hers. you loved your best friend, and so did she. in a different way, or not, you felt like she still deserved to know. you hated hiding things from her, and history proves it only made things worse whenever you did.

so you decided to confess. great!

and suddenly you see her acting all lovey dovey with danielle.

well, in retrospect, they weren’t exactly being lovey dovey, and you kind of knew that.

danielle was just big on affection, as she was to everyone, and is one of the few people whose pda was complied with (or tolerated) by haerin.

and despite not being much of a pda fan, in that moment, you badly wanted to be in danielle’s place, comfortably smothering your best friend with all the love in the world.

oh, and it didn’t help that people started a couple rumors about them being a couple.

sure, everyone knew you were each other’s number one, each other’s best of best friend, but the way you two showed affection with each other was very different from the way danielle does, to again, everyone, but you didn’t care about that.

the bitter sting in your stomach seeing the two of them made you realize that it was probably a much better idea to just get rid of your feelings (you’re an idiot, you’ve had them for years. they won’t just go away). after all you didn’t want to ruin what you had with two of your closest friends.

and with that goal in mind, so began your plan to avoid kang haerin at all costs!

you’re really stupid.

in the process of avoiding haerin, you indirectly were avoiding the rest of the girls too. you mostly hung out with your other classmates from different subjects like woonhak and eunchae. and whenever you were asked about it by hanni (mostly), you shrugged it off and said it was just “school things you needed help with”.

it was a dumb excuse. everyone knew you were at least top 5 of the class. and what kind of help were you getting if you were going out to places like arcades and karaoke spots anyways?

the girls were bothered, but not as much as haerin was. she was often visibly in a sour mood, ate half of her usual cafeteria servings, and would talk a lot less than she already did.

they were worried for the both of you simultaneously, but hyein and minji put two and two together, which only doubled their worry.

initially, it was just you and haerin's separate well-being they were concerned about, but now that they realized the time frame in which you began distancing yourself matched up with when haerin's mood went down, they were now also worried about what could've happened between you two.

so they took it amongst themselves to at least know what was going on.

"haerin-ah."

"haerin."

"kang."

"kang haerin!"

haerin looked up from her untouched tray of food, her chopsticks poking around slices of beef in sauce.

"hm?"

minji sat across her as the first two to arrive in their usual lunch table.

"i was asking if anything happened between you and y/n or something..."

"oh..."

haerin looked back down and continued playing around with her food before sighing and looking back up, muttering a couple words.

"wish i knew."

"y/n-unnie! is something up between you and haerin-unnie?"

"huh? what?" you were sat in the sound proofed booth of the music room, guitar plugged in an amplifier. you squinted at hyein's figure from outside the room, putting your guitar on its stand and motioning her to come inside.

"can you repeat that? i can't really hear anything from in there..." scratching the back of your neck, you gave hyein a seat from behind the booth's drum sets.

"i was asking!" hyein took a deep breath, you raised your eyebrows signaling her to continue. "if you and haerin-unnie have something going on."

"h-huh? what? what something?"

"no not like that! i meant you know, did you fight or... 'cause she's been so sour lately! she wouldn't even give me her leftover tomatoes... she wasn't even gonna eat them! like at all!"

the expression on your face shifted to what most would identify as worry and concern.

"...she hasn't been eating the tomatoes? she loves those..."

"yeah! and so much more! anyways, minji-unnie and i deduced it was about you, so here i am." hyein gleamed with pride while you chuckled in amusement.

you leaned over to mess with the top of her head and sighed, "i'll talk to her. you don't worry about a thing, okay?"

and you kept your word to the younger girl. how could you not?

you spotted haerin alone in one of the clubrooms, cleaning up some of the materials they used for the day. knocking on the room's door startled her a bit, given by the minor flinch, but she relaxed seeing it was you.

still, you could tell her facial expression was slightly guarded, and it hurt you, but you definitely deserved it.

she turned back around to continue organizing the materials into three separate boxes, not saying a word.

"hyein said you haven't been eating the tomatoes in your lunch." you slowly took your steps towards her and stopped when you were a couole steps away on the other side of the desk she used to arrange the items. "or your lunch at all..."

she paused to look up at you and give you a short glare, before walking to move a box to the teacher's desk in the room. you followed a few steps behind her, arms behind your back as your fingers fiddled with each other.

"you shouldn't... skip your meals, you know..." you muttered, clearly intimidated by haerin’s cold facade. "health... you need to eat..."

seeing as how you still had no reply, you decided it was probably best to just go straight to the point.

"hey... i'm sorry..."

you were used to haerin not saying that much, especially when you got to know her more and she explained that it was simply just too tiring. but you were also always the exception to that.

whenever it was just the two of you, one would be surprised to see haerin as the louder one. talkative, always rambling about something, while you smiled, nodded, and gave comments whenever necessary.

"yangi, please say something"

haerin loved that nickname more than anything. it was pretty foul to pull that card, actually. you came up with it when you two were having a friendly debate over what animal she resembled.

"i don't know where you're getting cat, y/n."

"are you crazy? how are you getting frog!"

"literally everything!"

"no. you're simply incorrect. you're literally a cat in human form!"

"absolutely not!"

"whatever you say, goyangi."

"what did you just call me?"

"go-yang-i. goyangi. go. yangi."

"you're so... annoying."

"okay, yangi."

she let out a frustrated sigh, looking up at you with what felt like her eyes piercing through your soul.

"so you get to disappear on me without a word, but i have to reply when you speak to me for the first time in 8 days?"

yes, she's been counting the days.

but wouldn't you be too if she did the same?

well, you probably would've confronted her a little sooner. but it's not that haerin didn't care enough to do something about it, she just genuinely didn't want to overstep space you might've been needing.

"thats what i thought." she let go of the box, turned her back, and walked back to the desks to grab the 2nd box.

"look... i'm sorry, i really am." you immediately caught up to her with a few steps, eyes pleading with nothing but guilt.

"if you are then can you at least tell me why you were avoiding me?"

she stared at you, observing how your thumbs rubbed over your fingers, or how your breathing got a little heavy, both nervous habits she picked up.

noting how you probably weren't going to say much anytime soon, she let go of the 2nd box to face you.

"you're my best friend, y/n"

that hurt didn't it?

a reminder that that was probably all you were going to be to her.

"do you know how..." haerin took a deep inhale, it was beginning to get shaky. her mind was a mess, thinking of the best words to express the hurt you made her feel over the past few days. but she couldn't.

"nevermind."

knowing the way haerin acted added on to your internal conflict. haerin usually wasn't afraid to speak her mind when it was just the two of you, but now she is. she couldn't. and you knew it was your fault.

but were you really ready to tell her you liked her? now? you wanted to show her you were sorry, but it really wasn't that easy.

if things go wrong, she could continue the game and avoid you forever. and just like that you'd lose your best friend, ruining the group's dynamics as well.

but you figured your brain was just making up excuses for you to not tell her out of fear. what mattered the most now was letting her know you were sorry, and that hurting her was never part of the plan.

"look, i'll tell you, because i really truly am sorry for hurting you," you start off, hands in the air motioning whatever. "but i-... i need you to promise me..."

"what?" her voice was much softer now. still cold, but not sharp enough to make it feel like you were stabbed every time she spoke.

"that you won't be... weirded out, or disgusted, or leave the room. you'll talk about it with me."

"you're the one whos been avoiding the talking y/n, i hope you know that."

you often forget how quick she was with her words. it was like a whip. painful, fast, happens before you even noticed it did. you were just so used to her nicer side. she's never been frustrated with you.

"right..."

you took a deep breath, mentally composing a script of how you felt and how you were going to say it. just like the million times you've practiced to the mirror at home.

"i've been avoiding you 'cause i think i like you. or, well, i know i like you. in a more than a friend way. and i have been for a while, and i was going to tell you because i didn't like hiding things from you, but i saw you with dani one day and i just- i don't know. okay? it's stupid. i know she's like that with everyone, but i didn't like it when she was with you, so i decided that i'd rather just get rid of how i felt to make it easier and to not ruin any of our friendships. so i figured the only way to do that was if i didn't talk to you. clearly that affected us both in a way i didn't want or intend. i'm sorry i ignored you. it was selfish of me to not think about how you could've felt throughout everything."

haerin took a minute just standing there, trying to process the hell of a bomb of information you just dropped on her. her cheeks were gradually growing red the more she realized what you were trying to tell her.

"hey... hello... did you hear what i was saying... or do i have to repeat it... because i'd really rather not..." you waved your palm in front of the girl who seemed to be frozen in place. "but if that's what it takes then i guess tha—"

you stopped talking as haerin slowly approached you, wrapping her arms around your waist and burying her face on your shoulder. she was careful to do so slowly, giving you a chance to move away if you needed to. she knows you're not into physical touch, and it just wasn't exactly the norm for the two of you.

"i was worried."

"hey, i've been eating fine. it's you tha-"

"no, not that. i was worried you might've overheard dani and i talk about you when i told her i like you, and that you were disgusted by it and didn't want to be... associated with me because of it. and maybe you just didn't know how to tell me so you went with the silent treatment.... i was going nuts, y/n. that's why hyein was talking about skipping lunch and whatever. all i could think about was why."

you could feel the guilt eating you up bit by bit on the inside. it quite literally broke your heart to hear haerin, the girl with not a lot of words, express the effect of what you did. it was like acid, burning up your stomach, your chest, your head. except that acid was guilt.

"oh god... i'm so sorry, yangi... the whole thing was a really selfish move and— and i should've thought about you first. i really am so so sorry..."

you held her closer and softly shifted your body weight from one foot to the other, swaying the two of you softly, somewhat like a cradle calming a baby down to sleep.

"hey... it's okay... i know you didn't mean it. i'm just glad we're fine now."

you two stay in that position for a couple of minutes, feeling each other relax over time as a result of finally resolving the conflict you had caused.

that was until haerin broke the silence.

"so... hate to be the person to ask but..."

"what are we?"

the two of you laughed for a while at how the question was so cliche and cringe yet necessary.

"yes."

"bff premium?"

"y/n!"

"i'm kidding! i'm kidding! but... i say we take things slow? get a little used to this, whatever it is, whatever it could be?"

"yeah, i like that."

the two of you smiled at each other with nothing but warmth and care, before ultimately pulling in for another hug.

"minji-unnie you owe me 2,000 won."

"hyein you're being too loud."

"huh do you hea-?..." haerin pulled away with a surprised face, interrupted by y/n quickly stomping towards the door, slamming it open to reveal minji and hyein falling forward to the floor. a result of relying on the door for support.

"seriously? i expected hyein, but minji-unnie?" you sighed in disappointment, haerin walking over to see what the fuss was all about.

"listen, it's for hanni she placed bets too."

"...lame excuse."

"KANG HAERIN!"

[scary-grace]

Enough to Go By -- a Shigaraki x F!reader fic

Your best friend vanished on the same night his family was murdered, and even though the world forgot about him, you never did. When a chance encounter brings you back into contact with Shimura Tenko, you'll do anything to make sure you don't lose him again. Keep his secrets? Sure. Aid the League of Villains? Of course. Sacrifice everything? You would - but as the battle between the League of Villains and hero society unfolds, it becomes clear that everything is far more than you or anyone else imagined it would be. (cross-posted to Ao3)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

Chapter 1

You had a best friend when you were little, just like almost everyone, and the two of you were as different as two people could be. He was a boy and you were a girl. You were the oldest of four, and he was the youngest of two. His family was rich because his dad was some kind of business genius, and your family was – not. You and your best friend had exactly two things in common. First, you lived across from each other on the same street, him in a big new house and you in one that had been falling apart since before your parents were born. And second, and maybe most important, neither of you had a quirk.

It was okay for your best friend. He still had time. People in his family got their quirks when they were two or three or four or maybe even six, like they were supposed to. But everyone in your family is born with theirs. Your family’s quirks do different things, but they’re the same type of thing – powering up or watering down or just changing some part of somebody else, and they’re active until the person’s old enough to turn them off.

You hated being home. You had one younger brother who could turn your hearing up and down, one younger sister who could turn your color vision on and off, and twin baby brothers who could make you throw up whenever they wanted to. Going to school, or going across the street to play in front of Tenko’s house with him and his big sister and his dog, was the closest things ever got to normal for you.

Tenko wanted to be a hero. You knew he’d be the best hero, because he was a hero already, even without a quirk. Nobody was every left out when you and Tenko played at school, because Tenko could make everybody feel included, and you spent so much time trying to placate your siblings that you knew how to make sure everybody had fun. But for everybody to have fun, people needed to be there. Tenko was the one everybody believed in, the one who made everybody feel important. When you spent time with Tenko, you felt like you belonged. Tenko was already a hero, even as a kid. You knew he’d be amazing at it when he grew up.

Only he didn’t grow up, your best friend. You walked home from school together one day, said goodbye and crossed to your opposite sides of the street, and when you looked out your window the next morning, Tenko’s house was gone.

A villain did it. That’s what everybody said, and you didn’t know what else it could be, because Tenko’s house was in ruins, like a giant had smashed it with its foot or someone had blown it up from the inside. You raced across the street without your shoes on, right into the middle of what was left, and even though your parents spent money they didn’t have on a specialist whose quirk let them wipe memories right out of your brain, you still have nightmares sometimes about what you saw. Tenko’s big sister Hana was dead. His dog was dead. His mom and his grandparents and his dad were dead. But he wasn’t there, so you made yourself believe he was alive.

And some part of you kept believing, even after the foundations of an apartment building were laid over the spot where Tenko’s house used to be, even after your family moved away. Your youngest younger siblings, a set of triplets born after you moved, thought Tenko was your imaginary friend because of how much you talked about him. And even once you stopped talking about him, you never quite stopped thinking about him. Your best friend, who wanted to be a hero. Who would have been the greatest hero the world had ever seen.

Everyone else forgot him, forgot him so cleanly that you almost wonder if it was a quirk. But you remember your best friend – small things, weird things, like how he’d sometimes get so excited he’d almost cry. His All Might impression, which was so bad it almost worked. His dry skin and the way he’d scratch his neck. You wonder what happened, why he wasn’t found with his family. You wonder a lot of things.

“Everybody loses touch with their neighborhood kids,” Hirono says when you say something about it, while you and your friends are getting drunk in Kazuo’s backyard one weekend. “You’re not special.”

“Don’t be mean,” Yoshimi protests. “Her friend died. That’s different!”

“She just said he didn’t die. She thinks he’s still alive,” Sho says. He whistles and rotates one finger by his ear. “Cuckoo.”

“There should be a podcast about this,” Mitsuru says seriously, and Hirono and Mitsuko laugh at him. “No, there should! Five people confirmed murdered and a kid goes missing – and it’s never solved? That’s podcast material.”

“It’s newsworthy,” Kazuo says, his voice as expressionless as it always is these days. “Have you looked it up?”

“Yes,” you say. Too many times, probably. “The articles don’t say my friend went missing.”

“They said he died?”

“They don’t mention him at all.”

“Ooh. Spooky.” Sho makes a UFO noise, and Yoji, Yoshimi’s on-again, off-again asshole boyfriend, throws in some spiritfingers to go with it. “Maybe he’s imaginary after all.”

“Or maybe you do have a quirk,” Yuichiro, Mitsuko’s latest too-innocent boyfriend says earnestly. “Your family’s all status effects, right? Maybe you made everybody else forget him.”

“Why would I do that?” you ask blankly. You’re a little drunk. “He’s my best friend.”

“I thought I was your best friend,” Kazuo says. Kazuo’s also a little drunk. “You don’t have a quirk. I would know. I know everything.”

The confidence is annoying, or it would be, if it wasn’t true – and if you didn’t know just how badly Kazuo’s quirk has ruined his life. “Maybe not,” Ryuhei says speculatively. “You only know what you know to know, you know?”

You try to parse that for a second, then give up. Mitsuru is wheezing with laughter. “Come on,” Ryuhei says, annoyed. “You know what I mean. Kazuo only knows the answers to questions he knows to ask, right? What if he hasn’t asked the right question?”

Kazuo’s quirk is called Search Engine, and it’s not an overstatement. He can ascertain anything he asks about, and if the questions aren’t hyperspecific, he can take in vast amounts of information. Too much information for even the smartest person to sort through and interpret without going crazy under the strain. He was going to be a hero, but UA High pushed him too hard, and something went wrong in his head. The smartest guy you know, who used to be funny and kind and should be changing the world for the better right now, is instead drunk in his parents’ backyard, still trying to figure out where his emotions went. You haven’t seen Kazuo care about anything in two years.

But you can see him thinking about what Ryuhei said, trying to wrap his mind around a question. “Don’t,” you say, and he looks at you, puzzled. “If I had a quirk, I’d have had it when I was born, just like the rest of my family.”

“Your family has some funky quirks,” Yoji says. You have a feeling you know where he’s going with this, and you’re not wrong. “Isn’t one of your cousins a villainess?”

“She barely counts,” Hirono says. “What could they even charge her with if they caught her? Possession of a video camera and bad taste in men? They could charge Yoshimi with that, too.”

“Hey!”

Sho and Ryuhei join in on the ribbing, and you lean back against the steps. Kazuo rises from his chair a little unsteadily and comes to sit by you. “You never mentioned this friend of yours before.”

“It never came up.” You glance sidelong at him. “Why? Are you jealous?”

“No,” Kazuo says. He hiccups. His alcohol tolerance has always been weirdly low. “I’m surprised you never asked me to find him. Maybe I could.”

“I know.” If Kazuo ever recovers from what UA High did to him, the government will be all over him. He could find anything, anyone – but like Ryuhei said, he has to know what questions to ask. “I think I’m scared of what you’d find. I don’t want him to be dead.”

“Dead might be better.”

You almost choke on the sip of vodka you just took. “Excuse me?”

“If he died, he died,” Kazuo says. No shit. “If he’s still alive, he’s been missing for fifteen years. During my work-study, I assisted in the search for several missing children. Nothing good had happened to the ones we found alive.”

You hadn’t thought about that, what it would actually mean if Tenko is still alive, and your brain supplies you instantly with a list of terrible things that could have happened to your best friend. Your imagination is pretty vivid. Your stomach turns. “I don’t want that,” you say. “I just want him to be okay.”

“Sometimes dead is better,” Kazuo says again. And then he’s quiet.

You try to get back into the mood of the party, but what Kazuo said sticks, and you’re kind of mad at him about it. The old Kazuo wouldn’t have said something like that, or else he would have put it more gently. You miss the old Kazuo. Thanks to a villain fifteen years ago and UA fucking High, you’re now short two best friends.

Kazuo’s a good guy, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t drawn to him because of who he reminded you of. You have a soft spot for dark-haired boys who want to be heroes. If Tenko hadn’t gone missing and the two of you had gotten to grow up together, you probably would have wound up with a big, stupid crush on him, the supercharged version of how you felt about Kazuo. But a relationship between the two of you wouldn’t have worked out, for the same reason your relationship with Kazuo didn’t work. Being a hero comes first. Being a hero always comes first with guys like them. You probably wouldn’t like them as much if it didn’t.

Getting drunk at Kazuo’s is a typical Friday night pastime among your friends, and usually everybody sleeps over. Everybody usually includes you, but you have to work tomorrow, which means you have to go home. Sometimes you and Kazuo still fool around when you’re both drunk, and you want to avoid that, too. You drink a glass of water and start sobering up while the others are still sorting out places to sleep, and then you tell them all good by and head out, taking three trains in a loop around the city to give yourself even more time to sober up before you have to walk home. You don’t live in the nicest neighborhood. You need to be alert.

When you finally get off the train at your stop, you realize you’ve got another problem. You’re hungry, and you won’t have time to cook when you get home if you want to sleep at all tonight. The all-night convenience store a few blocks up from your apartment is beckoning to you, and you give in without a fight. You’ll pick something to eat, eat it in the store for one last period of sobering-up, and walk the rest of the way home.

You feel a little better with a few bites of food in your stomach, and you’re pretty sure you’re not going to throw it up later. You hang out in the corner of the shop, a good spot to people-watch from if there were any people in here but you and the owner. The TV behind the counter is blaring the news about some villain attack, somewhere – two dumb-ass middle schoolers, one sludge villain, one can of whoop-ass opened by All Might. What else is new.

“Turn that shit off.”

The voice is raspy, and it’s coming from the far corner of the store. So there’s somebody else in here after all. You rise to your tiptoes and peer over the shelves to spot the speaker. They’re wearing a black hoodie with the hood up and browsing for energy drinks, and apparently they have a real problem with what’s on TV – which means the proprietor has a real problem with them. “Got a problem with heroics? Or does seeing real heroes just remind you what a bum you are?”

“Fuck off,” the guy in the hoodie says sharply. “You’ve got more in common with me than you do with them. If you were there, you think you’d run in to help? No. You’d wait for a hero, because you’re useless and pathetic. At least I don’t walk around pretending to be something I’m not.”

Hoodie guy sort of has a point, even if you don’t like how he’s phrasing it. Hoodie guy also sucks at reading the room, because after that little back-and-forth, he yanks an energy drink out of the case and a package of sour candies off a shelf and heads up to the counter. The proprietor laughs in his face. “Get out of here. If you think I’m selling even a stick of gum to you, you’re out of your mind.”

Hoodie guy’s shoulders tense. “You’re so desperate to defend All Might that you won’t take my money? He’s not gonna fuck you.”

You must be a little more drunk than you thought, because you have to clamp your hands over your mouth to stifle a laugh. But there’s nothing funny about the situation that’s unfolding in front of you. The proprietor’s looking increasingly pissed, and Hoodie Guy’s hands are out of his pockets, open and twitching at his sides. You don’t know what either of their quirks are, but you’ve got seven siblings. You know what it looks like when a situation’s about to spiral out of control.

“I said get out,” the proprietor spits. He shoves the drink and the package of candy back across the counter, hard enough that they fall off and roll across the floor. Hoodie Guy’s hands begin to lift from his sides, and you step out of your corner. “You want to start something? Go ahead. The cops will be here so fast –”

“Not fast enough for you,” Hoodie Guy hisses. His hands are all the way up, reaching over the counter.

You scoop the snacks off the floor and duck into the scant space between Hoodie Guy and the counter. You elbow him a bit by accident and he stumbles, swears at you. You ignore him and focus on the proprietor. “Hi. I’m still hungry. Can I get these?”

The proprietor squints at you, nonplussed. Behind you, Hoodie Guy’s gotten his feet under him, and if it’s possible, he’s extra pissed. “Get out of my way.”

“You don’t want this kind of trouble,” you say, ignoring Hoodie Guy. He’s the instigator. You need him to shut up so you can handle this before it escalates. “I know you don’t. You want him out of here and he wants his snacks. If you don’t want his money, mine’s just as good.”

You’re conscious of Hoodie Guy looming over your shoulder. He’s not all that much taller than you, but he’s standing a little too close. You take your wallet out, and that seems to settle the issue. “You’re lucky your girlfriend’s here to help you out. That’ll be ¥1800.”

You pay up and collect the snacks. When you turn away from the counter, Hoodie Guy’s right there, and you get your first good look at his face – or at the life-sized model hand clamped over his face. That’s – weird. You can’t see his expression, but his tone of voice is unmistakable. “If you think –”

“I know, I know,” you interrupt. “You’re not gonna fuck me.”

It’s not a joke you’d make sober, but with the proprietor calmed slightly down, you have to knock Hoodie Guy off his game somehow. It works. He makes a weird, strangled sound, and you grab him by his sleeve and tow him out the door.

He lets you do it, which is a surprise, and you let him go as soon as the doors close behind you. You hold out the snack and the energy drink. “Here.”

You can’t see his face, but you can see one red eye, peering out at you through the fingers of the hand. “It was pretty stupid of you to get in my way.”

“It was pretty stupid of you to go up to the counter. If you’d stormed off he wouldn’t have chased you.” You’ve seen Sho use that tactic before – needle a store owner until they want him gone more than they want to check his pockets. “Just take this, okay?”

He raises one hand and scratches at his neck. There’s something familiar about the motion, and the scarred, scraped-raw patch of skin there. Maybe you’ve seen something similar at work. “Either you used some kind of quirk or you got lucky. Which is it?”

“Neither. I have seven siblings and I’m good at toning things down.” You’ve wished for a quirk that lets you affect others’ moods more than a few times. You had to learn your de-escalation techniques the hard way. “Do you want these or not?”

He’s still scratching, and something’s pulling at the back of your mind, harder and harder. “Seven siblings,” he says slowly. “That’s three more.”

“Three more than what?” you say, puzzled. And then it clicks.

You have seven siblings now. When you lived across the street from your best friend, you only had four. And now you get why the scratching looks so familiar, why there’s so much scar tissue in the place he’s clawing at – because he’s been scratching that same spot for a decade and a half. It doesn’t matter than his hair is grey-blue instead of black, that his eyes are red instead of grey. It doesn’t even matter that he’s got a creepy hand stuck over his face. You know who you’re looking at, and the surge of joy that overtakes you is like nothing you’ve ever felt before.

You’d keep it to yourself, ordinarily. But tonight you’re a little drunk, and you can’t hold it in. “Tenko,” you say, and he freezes like he’s been struck by lightning. “You’re alive!”

Tenko stays frozen until you reach for him, at which point he bolts, and you really shouldn’t follow him – but you’re drunk and it’s your best friend and he’s alive just like you knew he was, so you chase after him. He was a little clumsy when you were kids. You were always a little faster on your feet, but his legs are longer than yours now, and he keeps you at a fair distance until he trips.

It’s sort of your fault he trips. He’s looking back over his shoulder, checking where you are, and he’s not watching his feet. It’s a bad fall. He sprawls out, the hand over his face dislodging and bouncing across the concrete, and you hear him cursing under his breath in a voice that carries a familiar strain. You’ve heard that before. You do what you did back then. You run to his side and drop to your knees, hands outstretched to help. “Tenko –”

“Get away from me! Don’t touch me!” Tenko lashes out with one hand, and instinct tells you to get out of range. The hand he lashes out with looks wrong – hurt, maybe, in the fall. His other hand is up over his face, covering it the same way the model hand was. “Father – I need – where –”

Father. You wonder if Tenko knows what happened to his father – but he’s feeling around on the concrete with the maybe-broken hand, and you realize what he’s looking for. “It’s over here,” you say. “Stay there. I can –”

“No.” Tenko lunges past you, seizes the hand, secures it over his face. Then he turns on you, and the hatred in his eyes sends a bolt of pure terror down your spine.

He knocks you onto your back. You know some self-defense – like any girl, like any person without a quirk – and you kick and thrash, arching your back, trying to throw him off. Some part of your mind is still spinning, because it’s Tenko, your best friend, who wants to be a hero – and it’s Tenko, his forearm coming down across your throat and half his body weight leaning onto it. You cough and sputter, and Tenko raises his other hand, all five fingers outstretched. “Tell me what I want to know and I’ll kill you fast. Lie and it’ll be slow. Who are you?”

You don’t know how he expects you to answer with his arm over your throat. Dark spots are beginning to fill your vision. You shove at his arm, and his hand closes around your wrist. His grip is hot and dry and shaking, and a split second after he’s touched you, the burning starts. It’s like his hand is dipped in acid, like it’s clawing through your skin one layer at a time, and you scream in pain. Or you try to. He increases the pressure on your throat and chokes the sound off. “Don’t touch me,” he snarls. “And don’t scream. Who are you?”

You manage to rasp out your name, and you see Tenko’s expression shift. “We went to school together,” you gasp. “I lived across the street from you. We played together. You were –”

You black out for a second, and the pressure on your throat lifts slightly. “What?” Tenko spits. “I was what?”

“My best friend,” you whisper. Your eyes well up, tears running down your face when you blink. “I missed you so much –”

Tenko stares down at you for a moment longer. Then he recoils away from you, up onto his feet and back five or six steps. He’s cradling his wrist. You roll from your back to your side and gasp for air. There’s a rattle in your breathing that tells you your windpipe’s damaged, and when you blink the tears and spots from your vision to stare at your wrist, you see that your skin is raw, bloody and oozing. There’s the outline of all five of Tenko’s fingers, his thumb and middle finger joined, rotted into your skin.

“Go,” Tenko says. You look numbly up at him and see his face twisted behind the hand. “Now.”

Your wrist – his hair – his eyes – Tenko has a quirk now. An awful quirk. “What happened to you?” you ask helplessly. “Where did you go? Are you –”

“Go!” Tenko snaps at you. “Before I change my mind. Run!”

You scramble backwards and collide with something. The energy drink and the package of candy, which you dropped when you ran to help Tenko after he fell. The sight of them makes you want to burst into tears again. You don’t want to take them with you. You bought them for him. Without looking his way, you pick them up and set them on the ground between the two of you, pushing them towards him so he knows who they’re for. Then you force yourself to your hands and your knees and your feet and run for your life, away from the best friend you now know you’ve lost for good.

You didn’t want Tenko to be dead, and he isn’t. But Kazuo was right, too. Maybe dead would have been better. Anything would have been better than this.

[hotchfiles]

lovers wait.

pairing: james x reader (as plot device), remus x reader

content warnings: mostly teen angsty (small problems turned into huge life altering situations because of feelings and hormones) and a bit of fluff. steamy make out at the end but nothing pass that. underage drinking. mentions of throwing up (nothing graphic). reader insert with no use of names or “y/n”. just teens being teens.

word count: a bit over 3k

Loving James was easy. Too easy almost. You didn't share similar personality traits and you didn't like quidditch all that much, but you met James when you were both just seven year old kids who happened to become neighbours.

Talking to James was easy, you didn't mind saying the wrong thing to him, or sounding dumb or silly, after a guy catches you peeing in a pool and throwing up in the middle of Diagon Alley, there's no much else you can do to be embarrassed about.

Being around him was easy. Too easy. So when he asked you out by fifth year, it seemed like the right thing to do. And the date was good, it was fun, it was just like hanging out with a friend.

Kissing James was easy. Too easy. No butterflies, no blushing, no kicking your feet thinking about it. But he was James, everyone believed you would be married by the end of school years, your parents and the Potters often talked about how it's going to be beautiful to have both families united like that.

It was familiar, it was fine, it was... Was it really supposed to feel so bland? You often wondered, but by then you were already officially dating and you were more often than not found around him and his friends, merging both friend groups, boys and girls, into one.

You all spent a lot of time on Gryffindor's common room, where you would read while, like right now, passing your fingers through James' hair and waiting almost excitedly for Remus' commentary, as you were coincidentally, constantly, reading the same book.

"C'mon, all girlfriends wear it and go cheer their boyfriends during matches, please, please, pleaseeee do this for me." James lips opened once more to whine about how you were a terrible terrible girlfriend for not going to quidditch practices or games and not wearing the red shirt with his name. Rubbish, you always thought, you went to finals, that was more than enough.

"James it is not my fault you decided to play such a toss of a sport, I already have to avoid enough bludgers on the games I do go." You said in a firm tone, but still hoping just him would hear it, of course that was a only a hopeful dream, as every single one of your friends groaned at you, all of them siding with James, were you that bad of a girlfriend?

You just didn't feel like going, and didn't think your cheering on him was that big of a necessity, his abilities wouldn't suddenly get better, would it?

You looked at Remus hoping he would help you out, as he was the one who understood you the most there, he liked books, and tea, and warm sweaters, getting chocolate as a treat and being comfortable in silence. But all you got was a shrug, "I do watch James play all the time, Grumpy, can't help you, and I don't even get a snog after." you and James both snorted at the term, during those three months of dating you had kissed a lot of times, mostly pecks though and even deeper kisses wouldn't go as far or passionate as a proper snog. It was gentle. It was familiar. It was nice. It was easy.

Remus instantly noticed he had struck a nerve, being as observant as he was, and he glanced quickly between Lily and Sirius, the only two who knew his secret, the only ones who saw him actively fall for his best mate's girlfriend. Lily knew because after a while all she could notice was how Remus looked at you the same way she looked at James. Both suffering of the same evil.

Sirius got pulled in the loop after he told Remus he found the way you two dated very... Weird. It was all the three could talk about after, Remus insisting they shouldn't meddle, saying you were just a reserved person, Lily and Sirius saying that James wasn't and he also didn't make much effort to touch you. It was a whole conspiracy club talk point.

But now Remus had some sort of proof it wasn't just you and James avoiding eyes, you two weren't couple-ly alone either, that reaction for a simple snog comment gave him hope he didn't feel before, burning bright as his heartbeat got twice as fast, he just needed to wait.

And wait he did, enjoying his time with you in the library, secretly finding ou what book you were beginning to read so he could do the same and have more to talk about with you, he would get up earlier than normal just to wait for you, as you always took time to read before getting ready for the day, he waited for your presence in each decision he made for his day, when your classes would end so he could wait outside and walk you wherever you were going.

Remus was always observing quietly what made you laugh, and what made you angry or sad, trying his best to be as close as possible while still being loyal to his friendship with James.

It felt almost suffocating to you, not in a horrible way, but you were always counting the minutes for when he would show up and stumbling around your words to answer to his questions about you and your childhood and how your day was. He was always around, his cologne making you feel weird, but you enjoyed the company, especially when James was always busy with quidditch and would never read your recommendations.

It was a particular cold morning and you had forgotten your scarf and would be late to class if you went to get it, so all you could do was shiver and complain to your friends and boyfriend, hoping for at least the comforting words of understanding.

"Grumpy, take this and stop complaining." You heard Remus respond, the only one who would call you that, and you actually enjoyed it even if it wasn't a flattering nickname, the sound coming from his lips was amusing, pretty, it got you warm without anything else. You looked at him thinking he would give you something to warm you up, and you were almost right as he got closer to you, your breath suddenly weakened by the proximity, feeling the fabric of his scarf on your neck after he took his own and put it on you, adjusting so it would maintain your face warm as well if you looked down.

You didn't stop shivering though, feeling chills run through your body as the warmth of his voice touched your cheek, "better?"

You nodded quietly, but you felt sick under his eyes, you were positive you were going to hurl as your stomach wouldn't stop twirling around. It felt like an eternity, like the world had stopped, but it was only a few seconds.

You spent the rest of the day lost in thought, repeating those seconds in your mind countless times and some of the times wishing it ended with a kiss. James didn't even think to give you his scarf or jacket, and you couldn't even blame him, it would not be your first thought if it was the other way around.

But it was for Remus. And you felt that sudden urge in the pit of your stomach to be around him all the time, hell if you could catch a glimpse of his eyes you would even watch quidditch matches. Lucky thing he didn't play.

You felt like you were going insane, truly going mad and it just got worse right before you and James got to the six months dating mark, you sent a letter to your mother, asking her to send some special chocolates "like from other countries and stuff, mum" you said quickly in the note your owl delivered her, your mother obliged happily, suspecting it was a gift for James.

But it wasn't. You had told Remus your father always got you different chocolates when he traveled, and he got so excited you just had to get him some, you were blushing just at the imagery of him happily eating those.

It all came crashing down on you when you finished wrapping them, Lily asking if it was a six months gift for James.

You weren't even keeping up with how many months had passed, so obviously you didn't even think about buying him anything. You were definitely going mad, your heart broke at how badly you were treating your best friend, you first friend, your first kiss.

The fact you had to do something about it made your body itch, already uncomfortable with the idea of losing James.

That day you left the gift you got for Remus in your room, wore Gryffindor colors, wrote Potter on your forehead with red paint and cheered as your house team won the match against Ravenclaw. You saw how happy he was and you held in your tears feeling absolutely awful for what you were about to do.

His eyes sparkled when he noticed you, running to you and surrounding your body with his arms in a familiar hug, a kiss on the forehead where his name was written, "I can't believe you came, it wasn't even an important game."

"You're important to me and I realized I haven't shown that well enough." You hardened your grip around his waist, tears fighting the way down your cheeks. You looked up at him and his eyes changed, confusion and worry taking in, but before he could ask anything, you took his hand, pulling him with you far from the Gryffindor mass of people in the field.

"What's going on? Why are you crying? You know I'm not good with tears, please," he blurred out as soon as you stopped walking, worried sick that something had happened to you.

"I don't think we can keep dating, James." It was a whisper and it wouldn't be heard if you weren't so close to each other and so far from everyone else. Your eyes closed with as much strength as you could, tears being forced down by it. You kept your arms hanging by your sides, feeling unworthy of hugging him, and you waited what felt like an eternity for him to be mad, angry, you waited for the questions and the guilt. But it never came, so you opened your eyes and he was... Smiling.

Relieved.

"Thank god, Merlin, thank god, I thought I was mad for a minute there." He finally let out, you could feel how happy he was just by the tone of his voice, that was not at all the reaction you were expecting, it was better, obviously, but you were simply speechless and confused, not knowing how to reply to his relief, so he just kept going, sitting on the grass and pulling you down with him. "My mum told me we should go out and I thought maybe she was right. She was not."

"Why didn't you say anything? I was almost crying the whole game, and I look pathetic right now because I wanted to please you before destroying your heart."

The laugh you got from him with that was almost inhuman, and you weren't sure if it was because the thought of his heart being destroyed by you was too unreal or because you did look pathetic with his name written on your forehead.

"At first I thought it was supposed to be like that... Or that it would change with time." He looked up to the sky, the sun still out but not bright enough to hurt his eyes, he took a deep breath and shook his head, laughing again at the situation. "And then months went by and I was terrified I was going to hurt your feelings."

"Apparently our six months anniversary was to come this week." The fact he obviously had no idea, just like you, made it all even funnier, ironic even. "So I did what every good girlfriend would do. I bought expensive candy to one of your best mates."

"Nooooo, good Godric, woman, I thought I was an arsehole, you always surprise me." His dramatic silly response earned him a slap on his arm, strong enough to hear a loud yell from him as he felt it.

When you came back to the common room it was full of life and irresponsible drunk teens, you were happy with how things turned out but not at all in the mood to deal with that, so you went to your room, hoping to get clean and be alone with your thoughts for a bit.

You found Remus waiting at your door, messy hair, red eyes and nose, an empty cup of what you imagined was firewhisky in hand. "Been waiting for you." Your whole body trembled, he looked and sounded gorgeous even drunk.

"Sorry, I had to talk to James." You answered with a smile and you felt his eyes burn into your soul as he looked at your face, especially your damn forehead, Remus closed his eyes for just a second, licking his sudden dry lips before speaking again.

"You and Potter," he pointed at the name, smudged already, with the hand that was still holding the empty cup, "doing well, and I... Was waiting." You tilted your head, confused at the scoff he added to the end, the game wasn't even finished that long ago. You tried to touch his hand but he refused the touch. "If I wait long enough they will see." Remus chuckles, but his eyes are sad, you can see it, you've been used to his warm eyes and they looked cold, lifeless.

"Remmy, you're drunk, let's get inside, I've got you those chocolates we talked about!" You say eagerly, opening the door and hoping the promise of sweets would be enough to get him inside and sit him down on your bed, you were worried he would fall off the stairs at that state. You leave the door open as you get inside, getting the package you so carefully wrapped, showing him with excitement.

He was careful, slow, confusion written on his face as he took his steps towards you, blinking quick and hard trying to sober up, he left the cup on your nightstand and took the gift from your hands, both of you not making any sounds, the heavy breathing from both filling the room as he unwrapped it and saw how many different brands and flavors filled the box you gave him. "Why... You didn't have to... I don't..." Before he could go on a spiral of not deserving such treat, your index finger glued to his lips, stopping him.

You felt his lips quiver under your touch and that sent chills down your spine, you were unable to move, unable to speak, you were nervous, afraid you were going to do something stupid, scare him off. His eyes suddenly regaining that warmth you knew it fit him so well, if only for a second.

Remus opened his mouth and you dropped your hand on instinct, "I... love you, so I waited. Was sure you and James would break up." Your eyes widened at the confession and explanation for the obsessive talk about waiting. "Think not." He shrugs, eyes on your forehead and you quickly scrubbed your palm on the paint, trying to get it off, your focus going everywhere and nowhere at all, all at once.

You felt like your heart was about to beat itself out of your mouth, "this stupid thing was to break up with James, I wanted to be a nice girlfriend to him at least once." Remus heard that and without a word left your gift to him beside the firewhiskey cup, reaching out to you, strong and needy as one of his hands went straight to the small of your back, earning him a quick sigh from you, mixture of surprise and pleasure, he took your chin with his free hand, lifting you to face him.

You held your breath without even noticing, counting the seconds for him to finish his move, but Remus didn't, he just looked at you for seconds too long, you battled your nervous system and let your desire for him win, pulling him closer by his neck until your lips finally touched.

Just that little touch was able to flush your cheeks, feelings you couldn't comprehend or explain yet rushing through you as his tongue asked for permission to deepen the kiss, which you gladly give.

His lips were soft on yours but his hands now holding your waist were definitely not, the mere thought of having them mark the sides of your body giving you the confidence to pull his bottom lip lightly with your teeth, and Remus moaned, obviously enjoying it and you could swear to any god that you would do anything asked from you just to be able to keep getting those sounds from him.

You walked backwards to your bed, his lips leaving yours for air but quickly going to your neck as he followed your steps, you sat down and pulled him with you, laying on your pillow and feeling his weight over you, it was your time to moan feeling his leg in between your thighs as he switched between soft kisses and strong sucking your neck.

When your hands went to get his shirt off and his went up your skirt you realized what was almost happening, reality settling in above the teen hormones, "Rem, Rem." You put both palms up his chest, making him lift from his original position, the lack of his weight and warmth over you almost too much to bear. "You're drunk... and I... I've never done this before so... Could you wait a little more for me?" you were concerned for him, obviously you didn't want him to do anything he would regret, but you still felt embarrassed by your confession, being a virgin at fifteen was not weird at all, it was the norm, but still it felt weird to say it after all the feelings that made you burn for Remus just right now.

"Will always wait for you, Grumpy." He pulled you into a warm, strong, side hug, kissing the top of your head as his hand caressed your arm, up and down.

"Guess I did get a proper snog after cheering on James." You laughed, and he laughed. This was easy, it was familiar, but still... It made you feel like you could implode by how many different sensations you were feeling, emotionally, physically, mentally.

This was love.

[mental69er]

Mean Girl

content: you and cate have been close friends since childhood, secret crush, possessive and jealous cate, mean girl cate, part one of a series?

You had met Cate in middle school. Fresh from home schooling, the blonde had seemed terrified to be forced here from the safety of her home to the wilderness of kids on the cusp of raging hormones.

Big blue eyes darted back and forth as she tried to make herself as small as possible, brushing her shoulder length hair to try and cover her face.

Everyone was curious about her, to make things worse. Crowding her, and bombarding her with words. But her stammering and avoidance of their questions eventually bored them as they deemed her lame and she got her wish of being left alone.

She always seemed so scared and so jumpy, and she wore these gloves on her hands. Rumors spread that she must have monster claws under them, that was why she was hiding them.

She never stood up to them to tell them off, and it wouldn't be til a group of boys and girls, too curious and mean for their own good, decided to yank the gloves off that someone finally approached her after weeks of ignoring her.

"Leave her alone," you told them and they put up a stink about it, but ultimately they left her alone, hands shoved under her armpits to hide her hands, curled up into a tiny protective ball on the ground, tears dripping down her face.

You were popular and you had many friends, and that gave you the protection you needed to stand up to others. She had no one. They hadn't listened to her quiet pleas to stop.

"Are you okay?" you asked her and she shook her head.

She shuffled away from you.

"You can be my friend," you told her. "If you're my friend they won't bother you. And you don't even have to talk to me. You can just walk with me to class or something. They'll eventually leave you alone."

She didn't say anything to the offer, staring at you with big dripping eyes. You decided to leave her alone. She probably hated everyone at this school.

The next morning you were pleasantly surprised to find her walking with you to class, and from there it all started.

Over the years you stuck close together. She eventually opened up and started feeling comfortable enough to talk to others, but she mostly stuck to you. Living in a small town, meant you went to the same high school together.

There, things began to change. Cate's beauty began to draw others in and she began to garner attention whether she wanted it or not. She became the super popular one of the two of you, not that you minded too much.

You were much more interested in working on your grades and getting into as many extra curricular's as you could to build up your portfolio for college.

Cate still stuck by your side, trying to share as many activities with you as she could. She turned down offers to go to parties, much rather spending time with you watching a movie at your house or going shopping at the mall. She included you with her friend group much like you had done the same for her in middle school.

But you did notice a difference in her. When she was around others, she began to mold herself into their expectactions of what a popular girl was: blonde, pretty, and mean.

You didn't like that. The Cate you knew was kind and soft hearted.

Your senior year was filled with arguments about this, until you two stopped talking. You honestly expected this to be the end of your relationship. And then college came, and who should you see on your first day of orientation but Cate.

She ran up and hugged you, squealing with joy. "I'm so happy we're going to be together again."

She never mentioned the fall out in senior year, and maybe you were glad for it. That way the two of you could start fresh.

But as the semester went on, you noticed it. The same old patterns. Cate was popular here too, with no shortage of people trying to befriend her or sleep with her. And because you were her "best friend in the world" her words and not yours, she brought you into every social group she was in.

It was starting to get exhausting, dealing with the duality of Cate. When it was you two, she was softer, and extremely touchy with you. The amount of times that studying had been detracked because she wanted to slip her head into your lap and have you pet her head was too many times to count.

She'd express all her worries and hidden insecurities there, and you'd reassure her and then she'd smile at you so wide.

You needed distance from her. It would hurt to do this, but you couldn't stand this back and forth.

You started ignoring her texts, turning down her invites, even going to new locations around campus so she couldn't find you. You made new friends, friends that had nothing to do with her.

And then she found you one evening, as you were goofing off with your study group.

"Seriously? This is who you replace me with?" She sneered. "A bunch of nerds?!"

You froze, shocked by her reaction. Before you could answer she was storming off. Your new friends looked at her before looking at you.

"Does she think she's still in high school? No one cares about that stuff."

You stifled a sigh and packed up your stuff, before you left to go find Cate. She wasn't picking up your calls and she wasn't answering her text messages. It took a while to find her around campus, but when you did, you were glad it was in an empty room because you found her softly sobbing to herself, curled up into a small protective ball like when you had first extended friendship to her.

"Cate, what is going on?" you asked her, a mix of displeasure and disappointment in your voice. "You can't treat people like this."

"I should ask you! You're ignoring me! I thought we were best friends forever," she shot back as you coaxed her gently from her shell. Her limbs were lightweight and she didn't resist your touch as you moved her arms aside to see her face.

"You're mean to everyone but me. This isn't high school or middle school. You don't have to treat people this way. I can't stand seeing you act like that and only be kind to me," you told her, sitting down by her side, back to the wall.

"I- I need you by my side. I can't do anything if you're not there," she said, choking back tears. "And you're always there. Don't, leave me."

"I'm not trying to leave you. But I just can't stand by and watch you act like that. So cold and cruel to others when I know you're not."

"I do that to protect you."

"What are you talking about? I don't need protecting." Your hands cupped her cheeks and you brushed away the tears.

"In high school, I overheard a group of girls planning on bullying you because they thought you were too smart and needed to be taken down a notch. They were talking about doing such horrible things. I had the ability to be popular and use that the same way you used to protect me in middle school. So that's what i did, I brought you into my group and those girls wanted in as well. So I let them in, and then I was cruel to them because they deserved it.

It was amusing seeing how much they put up with from me and others in the group, just to fit in. And then I got used to that and kept doing it to keep you safe."

You sighed heavily. "Cate, you didn't have to do any of that. I rather you didn't."

"Please, don't hate me for it. I couldn't stand it if you hated me."

"I don't hate you," you said, wiping away the fresh tears that fell newly from her eyes. "Just don't do this for me. You don't have to anymore."

She nodded her head, eyes and lips swollen from tears. "Okay. I'll try. I just don't want you to get hurt."

You bumped your forehead into hers. "I won't. Promise."

She didn't seem to believe you, but she let you wrap her up into a hug, sighing contently as your hand stroked through her hair.

To be continued...?

[pinktrashgoblin]

SERIOUS POST.

This may have some uncomfortable topics. But please read this whole thing. It’s important to be transparent, and I don’t want Cin to spread more shit.

my deepest apologies to people who are just here on my blog and reblogging my work for fun.

EDIT: I can’t believe I have to say this but don’t fucking harass anyone mentioned in this post. That just reflects on YOU.

Alright, Cin. Since you want a response so bad, here ya go.

So what is this whole thing about?

User @/cintagonisupset is going around telling people this.

I’m already seeing the impacts, having my friends come to me about this. You’ve got my hands tied, so I’m making my statement.

First and foremost: I‘m not going to pretend that I didn’t make dirty jokes in my server in the past, before my birthday when I was 17, a minor myself, and before I banned such jokes last year. With 100% earnest I know this was a bad idea, and I have taken the time to be more careful about what I say around certain audiences. I am not perfect. But in his haste to fuck me up, he left out some crucial details.

1: I was 17 at the time, a minor myself, and was and still am in high school. I was a high schooler, making high-school-tier jokes in a server of other high schoolers. I am not ACTIVELY MAKING THESE JOKES like he says I am, and I do not condone the idea of doing so.

2: I am autistic. I struggle with social cues, with decision-making and so forth. I am only recently 18, but that does not mean I am mentally or emotionally mature, far from it. Mentally I am still a child. I struggle more than the average person with judgement, and often slip up around those I let my guard down around. I am working on this to avoid things such as this.

3: I am incredibly susceptible to peer pressure. In a place where those jokes were made, I wanted to feel like part of the group. So, as I often do, I mirrored behavior to feel like I fit in. I wasn’t sitting my high-school ass down and going “Let’s make raunchy jokes with kids!”, I was thinking in terms of “Maybe if I talk like them, they’ll like me and I’ll fit in somewhere” without fully realizing what everything meant, and without being able to properly process the social queues associated.

4: This was MONTHS ago. I do not actively do these things, nor condone them, I think it’s fucked up and I’ve done everything I can to be better than that. But to misrepresent the situation as me actively doing so isn’t great either.

So with that out of the way.

Do I think it was a good idea? No, absolutely not, but let’s not pretend that this is unheard of in high school and definitely on the internet. Since the dawn of time kids have made stupid jokes with one another. I was a middle schooler once and a high schooler now, I know exactly what goes on in those places. Let me restate: that doesn’t make it good, but let’s not pretend I’m the only high school kid who’s ever made a joke like that around their peers.

My point is, once this thing has become so normalized all over the place, in school, in media, it becomes difficult, especially for a neurodivergent such as myself, to deduce what to and not to do. I have fundamental principles and rules, but that does not mean I am not susceptible to being pressured into this sort of thing.

As I mentioned: I am not emotionally, or mentally, mature. I don’t know everything. I don’t fully comprehend the nuances of things. I am not always aware of what I am saying. I cannot understand social queues in the same way you do.

Make your conclusions as you will, but this is my stance, and this is the truth.

Also, maybe don’t tell people to kill themselves and that nobody likes them? Just a thought. (BTW: As mentioned I am autistic, it’s not as simple as “grow up”.)

TL;DR: I made raunchy/dirty jokes in my server when I was 17, in high school, with a bunch of other high schoolers, and Cin is telling me to end my life because of it.

Please consider my words. I have worked hard to build what I have, and feel it is important to be transparent. I want nothing but to make a positive impact on this community and the people within it. This does not mean I am perfect, but I am trying my best and my intentions are good.

Feel free to ask me, or leave opinions in the reblogs and replies. This is a conversation, not a preaching.

Also, about the art thief thing: I genuinely have no fuckin clue what he’s going on about there.

Edit: I have deleted the “P.S.” section regarding a suspicion I have to avoid further conflict.

[unforth]

How did it feel to go from the 80’s to the explosion of acceptance around the 2010’s? In terms of being queer?

hm, interesting question. First, a couple disclaimers: I am not an expert in queer history, I was not involved in queer activism in anyway growing up, and no one in my family was queer. I was born in 1982 and am currently 42, and my mother had a lot of gay friends, but she intentionally sheltered us (my brother and I) from a lot of that once they all started dying from AIDs. For my own queerness, I worked through a lot of identities because I was an extremely confused asexual who didn't actually learn that asexuality existed until I was 30; I'm afab and was already married to a woman before I realized I was ace (I now ID as aroace, agender.).

All that said, I grew up in New York City, in a very accepting city and with a very accepting family. I knew queer people from a young age and my mom was sick of watching her friends die and got involved as she could (she was a New York City public school high school teacher; a lot of queers gravitated toward public schools because it was a stable job with decent pay and no one would care if they weren't married, in fact it was often considered a plus in the 60s and 70s for teachers to be single, and when mom got pregnant with my brother in 1976 she says multiple other teachers pressured her to quit because okay fine she was married and a teacher, but married and a teacher WITH KIDS? Appalling. needless to say she didn't quit.)

Anyway. Sorry. I lost the thread.

Honestly, the answer to this question is: utterly unbelievable.

If you had told 1990s about-to-start-high-school me that this is where we'd be in my lifetime I'd have thought you were out of your goddamn mind. I was obsessed with To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar. I'd walked in AIDs walk and raised money with my mom every year starting in 1990. Mom and I saw the original off-Broadway production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch and the original Broadway production of Rent. I was about as in-the-loop and accepting as a kid in that era could be, and I spent my college years thinking I was bi (I feel the same about everyone! that's bi, right? lmao, so young and clueless). And I never, never thought that nationwide gay marriage was even in the cards. I never dreamed that trans people would be able to live as openly as they do now. I didn't even really think we could do much about AIDs beyond slowing the spread.

I am only 42. I don't even consider myself middle-aged yet (though I'm definitely getting close to that particular tipping point). I grew up with my mom's even older stories, about being friends with the gay men at Cornell when she was in college in the early 60s, and her discussions of how far things had come in HER life (she's 80 now) and yet I was the one who pointed out that my great uncle, who died before I was born, was clearly mostly definitely bi and maybe gay (the look on her face when I said that and she realized I must be right. I keep meaning to post some of Natie's photographs.)

When my wife and I got married in 2013 we planned where to live, where we could travel, where we'd have kids, all around where it would be safe. My wife has health problems; if we traveled and something happened to her, we had to be sure that we were in a state where they would recognize our marriage and let me visit her, or else we wouldn't go there.

Sorry. I'm not holding the thread of narrative in this post well, I've been pretty sick with strep throat and my brain is just refusing to make this very coherent, and also it's just... so much. The amount I've seen, how far we've come, since I was a kid, is so fucking much.

I still sometimes don't believe how far we've come, nor how quickly we've done it.

And that's exactly why conservatives are shaking in their boots. These trends challenge all the things they believe true about the nature of authority and societal control. If they let up for an instant, then they'll have to accept that cis hetero white christian men actually have never been any better than anyone else, and their whole worlds will crumble, and that scares them to death because they're also old, most older than I, and they remember exactly what every queer person when I was a kid lived with. They remember Matthew Shepard, and all the hate crimes that the queer community survived, they remembered all the slurs that we've strived to reclaim and how they were used such that we had to reclaim them, and they really think that equality is a demotion for them, and that true equality would mean they're subject to the same things they've subjected us to, and that terrifies them.

Ugh, sorry, rambling again.

What I think about the changes is that they're fucking amazing, and that if I could somehow convince 13-year-old me that any of this would happen, she'd have sobbed with joy. Especially about the asexual part lmao.

We're in a down-swing of acceptance now, but the pendulum still won't go back to where we were during the AIDs crisis, much less back to where things were a hundred years ago.

We've come so far.

We're not going back.

[reidslovely]

Hi Bambi! Sorry this is late, but I’m always down to talk about Peter 🕸️❤️ How do you think he’d handle a “there’s only one bed” situation?? I can’t decide if he’d be cocky or awkward lol, but probably both

So glad you’re getting back in the swing of things! (Pun intended)

abby always a joy to see you in my inbox!! and it is not at all late (if anyone is late it is me hehe) requests will be open for quite a while!! i think that this is a very complex question i feel like peter would be too cocky about it to cover up how excited he'd be to share the bed. but at the same time your friends sooo it would be weird right??? let me walk you through it.

please reblog or comment when you like!!<3

Peter Parker ever since you had known him  was very shy, and couldn't talk his way out of a wet paper bag around girls. Not in elementary school or middle, and definitely not in high school. Maybe that's why you found the boy next door to be such an interesting person. Nearly six foot tall, eyes that could win any girl over, yet anytime he opens his mouth...pure word vomit. Peter Parker in college was the same, yet by this point he had done the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing and learned to hide his nervousness behind shitty flirting and the cockiness that seemingly flew out of nowhere the middle of senior year. 

However that shield broke the moment you checked into the beachside hotel. 

It was a gorgeous hotel sitting on the beachfront of Ocean City. Peter had booked the first hotel that popped up, and got the cheapest room they had moments after planning the impromptu spring break trip. However, opening the door he realized why a four night stay was so cheap for two people. A single bed sat in the middle of the pale blue room, the duvet a soft yellow with flowers sitting on the bed. 

“Oh I fucked up.” Peter mumbled laughing, tossing a quick glance at you. Hopefully you hadn’t thought this was a part of some long pawn he’d been playing to get you to fall into bed with him after all these years. Making a mental note to have May or you book a hotel for the next trip if there would ever be another trip after this. “Mhm, big time” You teased back sitting on the soft memory foam of the king bed. Peter rolled his eyes playfully, sticking his tongue to his teeth shaking his head. 

“You mean you don’t want to sleep with me? Could have fooled me.” 

Peter felt like his skin was on fire, he was praying you couldn’t see how red his face was. 

You scoffed, eyes following him around the room. “Hey you’re the one who looks like you’re about to burst into flames.” Mhm he was not hiding it well. “Well you’re passing up the chance of a lifetime, there are plenty of girls who would be dying to be where you are right now missy.” 

Peter states smugly, placing his hands on the back of his neck, making his torso a perfect target for you to hit him with the pillow you were holding on your lap. “Okay okay I’m serious.” He defends throwing it back, the pillow landing at your feet. “I don’t have the money to afford another room and still be an active participant on this trip so…” He thinks for a moment looking at the couch resting at the foot of the bed. “We can share a bed Peter.” 

The words made him want to giggle and kick his feet like a cartoon character. He hid a smirk forming on his lips, clearing his throat. “I mean I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” “We used to share beds as kids.” You stated like it was no big deal. The two of you did share beds a lot until around middle school. Peter remembers being scared of sleeping on your floor so you’d let him into your bed at sleepovers, or Peter insisting that it was ungentlemanly to let you not have the bed at his house so the only explanation was to share. 

“Yeah but we were kids, now we are…” 

He was getting shy, and he felt so silly over it. Would sharing a bed really change nearly twenty years of friendship? 

“Fine, since you’re begging me to sleep with you. I’d be so evil to deny you.” Peter sighs like it is the most annoying situation ever. Hours at the beach took his mind off of what tonight would bring. He got excited and flattered at the thought of sleeping next to you, and felt like he was a kid in the science museum again. Once you both returned to the hotel Peter let you shower while he tried to figure out the best way to go about this. He turned the TV on to kill his mind a little bit, he lies in multiple different ways trying to make it seem as normal as possible yet he felt silly. 

Nothing felt natural.

Until you got in the bed with him. Your head on his shoulder as you scrolled on your phone, Peter watching the TV glancing at you occasionally. His hand rubbing your side slowly makes his heart flutter, instinctively he buries his head in your wet hair smiling at the videos on your phone. 

“What are you doing weirdo?” 

“I love you..I love this.”

 He whispers, nudging his nose against your head, it falls out so perfectly. It makes the moment even more perfect. You laugh, not out of disgust or shock but it is a laugh of relief. He sinks down into the bed pulling you with him, holding you closer. Pete hums awaiting a response watching you put your phone down.

“If I knew getting you into bed with me would be what made you finally confess I would have used that years ago.” “Mhm well..y’know what they say.”

“What do they say?” 

“Usually I love you too” He snickered, pushing hair from your forehead kissing softly. 

“Go to bed” You laugh smacking his chest. Peter hums holding you closer, closing his eyes, head still in your hair. Against his skin hears and feels your soft reply of 

“I love you too.”

🩵

hope that tickles your itch abby

__

forgot to do the taglist on the last few posts but doesn't really matter because some of those I tag never really interact with the fic lol.

@helloheyhihowdyheya @toomanyfictionalboyfriends @megmehz @sincericida @andrews-lovr @eevylynn @a-lumos-in-the-nox

[alaskan-wallflower]

can i just like…rant about my school for a minute?

i know i make light of this now because i was on this, but there’s a kid in my grade who made a hit list. not one, not two, but three fucking hit lists (and i was allegedly in it even tho i never spoke to this kid ever) and the school didn’t do anything other than give him a slap on the wrist and suspend him for a month. last year this same kid brought a briefcase into school and got suspended for 90 days. not expelled, but suspended. granted, i don’t know what was in there, but i heard things about what was in there and he probably should’ve been expelled for those things. this kid scares the shit out of me, i won’t lie. he got in trouble in the past for making jokes about shooting up the school…actually, three people in my grade got suspended for gun threats, but like…shouldn’t that be taken to the police? which speaking of, i remember in middle school my school found gun parts and bullets on the elementary school playground and in one of the classrooms and didn’t say jack shit until days later. they do the same thing when we get bombing threats, like they never once evacuated anyone, it’s always covered until a week later.

i also remember in middle school when this substitute teacher (he was really old and creepy) was actively like…touching girls (pretending to fall and grabbing their hips) and telling girls to “get their mommies and daddies to check their boobs for breast cancer, or we could do it ourselves” (granted it was a bio class but we weren’t even learning about mitosis/cancer at the time), he was really ableist to me and a few other people and he tried to get me and other people) to stay after school alone with him multiple times and got mad when we all said no, and me and my friends took it upon ourselves to write an anonymous letter to the councilors to say “hey this guy is scaring us can we get a different sub or something” and they fucking excused it by telling us WE were in the wrong for “being mean to a sweet, harmless old man”

then this year i found out my school covered 🍇 cases for a few years until parents found out and then they suddenly expelled the kid. but about three years after the fact. i found out a few days ago that there’s another kid who roofied someone and did the same thing and nothing has happened to him. he’s still in some of my classes. he always gave weird vibes because i remember he was really fucking creepy to me in freshman year but i didn’t think it was this severe.

i’m just pissed rn. like some of the students organized a protest because there was an sa case from one of the school dances that the school was covering up (but then they had to backtrack and say “we’re doing all we can” but never actually punishing the kid probably cause he’s on the football team, but regardless like they planned a walk out and the administration freaked out.

it just pisses me off. some of the kids in my grade genuinely scare the shit out of me and it makes me feel no safer knowing they cover up gun threats/🍇 cases.

[thedivineflowers]

HII!! My first time requesting so I feel a little silly, I love your works and as a former middle schooler I love thinking of these silly dudes as my brothers and I can imagine it really well through your writing and your humor is just like mine! In your parental terms fic I read Azul offer us a job at Mostro lounge and I honestly wanna know the daily activities and goofiness that happens on our work shifts😭 feel free to decline this I can’t wait for you deuces mom fic!<3🙈

Ofc ofc and I won't decline this masterpiece bb.

School night:

Clocking in at work:

When you clock in at work you gotta be early and then go to Azul's VIP room so you can tell him about the bitch who stole your test answers and eat your snack.

If you don't clock in at the right time you will be called and texted multiple times and hunted down by the twins who are just as worried about you as Azul.

When you're done with your snack you go change into your work uniform which is the dorm uniform but you have a lounge pin on your bowtie which has a tracker so Azul can keep an eye on you. And you also get your own version of Azul's coat because I know it's cold as fuck in that damn lounge.

Near beginning of shift:

If at any point you have to take a break not even one madol will be taken off your payment no matter how long your break is.

And ofc you goof off and you're allowed to be mean to the customers.

"Hey, I wanted clams not crabs!" A customer shouted at you. "AND I WANTED A SEA PONY, LIFE AINT FAIR." You shouted at the customer and threw a knife and fork on their plate.

You and Floyd are allowed to throw people out of the Lounge and you two mostly throw people out together.

You hold the person by their hands and Floyd holds them by their feet. You start swinging the person towards the opened lounge doors. "One..." You started "Two..." Floyd said "THREE!!" You both shouted at the same time and threw the ex customer out and closed the door with a satisfied sigh.

And sometimes if you can or want to Azul would host shows for you to entertain the audience and get more Madol 😈😈😈. And to make the school fear you. 🧍‍♂️

Middle of shift:

At this time you get a thirty minute break. You mostly get your breaks with the twins so they mostly take you to go feed the sea animals and try to help you with your homework if you have any. Or if you have nothing to do you go bother the other workers and scare them. More than half of them bitches are scared of your feral ass so you just gotta do some oogly boogly shit and theyll be saying sorry.

When your break ends you have to go back to work. But you are left in charge of the lounge when Jade and Floyd have to go observe a deal with Azul. So you mostly have customers complain to you while the twins are away and you get this time to mess with them if it's something stupid.

And most of the time is stuff about how they did not like the food when they just wanted to not pay for their food. They say this while they're paying and then demand a whole ass refund so you go into the secret monopoly money stash and give it to them saying it's limited edition madol. 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

And sometimes Azul himself will come in to see how things are doing and will chat with the guests but he's just watching and making sure that you're alright and don't need a break cause dawg you're a fucking kid working a whole ass job trying to get paid more than what Crowley gives you and you got all this stuff to do bro you couldn't even enjoy being a kid anymore when you first met the old ass man😔 😒.

Near the end of the shift:

At this time it's when the lounge starts closing up and people start leaving and this means extra money and coins to snatch 😈😈. You find about 500 madol lying around throughout the lounge and Azul says you can keep it most of the time.

And around this time Azul has you eat your dinner and calm down after working and you change out of your uniform right when the clock hits 9 (idfk so ima take a guess and say nine through ten at night). And when Azul makes sure your homework is completed and correct you'd be allowed to do whatever.

And sometimes it's too late to be walking out by yourself so Azul and the twins have you sleep in your own dorm room over there and if Grims with you he has his own bed and blankets next to yours. (It was demanded that the cat gets a bed by you or else you'd go bat shit around Azul's office. 🧍‍♂️) and you have your own matching pajama set that's similar to Azul so after you're done getting ready for bed you'd go in Azul's office sometimes to keep him company and drag him to his room because his eyebags look this close to being able to hold a whole fucking Walmart.

Weekend:

Clocking in:

It's morning time and you're ass is waking up at fucking 10 in the morning because you slept at 4 and almost pulled an all nighter.

You have to go to Azul's office when you wake up or else Azul will give you the day off to sleep and gaggle around.

And when you finish eating your breakfast and waking up you get to change into your uniform and choose what you want to do, paper work, keeping Azul company, or working with the twins.

You still get paid so 💃.

But sometimes Azul will have you turn into a merfolk by drinking a potion and you get to swim around the aquarium and spook the customers.

Middle of shift:

You get your break and your lunch to eat and it's free because you were able to say hello to Lucious the other day during the animal speech class.

And after that you get to do whatever you want or you could go and observe one of Azul's contract agreements thingies with the twins.

And if they try to like swing at Azul you get to go batshit and drag them outside while Azul cleans up his office for his next contract.

Near end of shift:

This time it's a little later which is 10 at night and you all clean up yiddy yadda but you get more extra change because you performed earlier.

Then you get to change out of your uniform once Azul tells you and you immediately have to take a shower then get ready for bed because you don't know when you're gonna sleep.

And obviously have no homework (🤮🤮 EEWWWWW) so you get stay up worh Azul and the twins watching national geographic, cooking shows, extreme cheapskates, boxing matches or basketball games. One of those. And you all end up sleeping on the couch in your room where the TV is (you're fucking spoiled) and sometimes you all would just sit around and gossip but no one knows what goes on in your room but the lights are always on until morning 😨. So far Floyd has taught you how to give a hug bigger than his 🤗. You've sent three people to the infirmary in less than two hours in school.

You obviously stay over because no one wants to go out that fucking late unless you're getting paid to go and rock someones shit 😒.

YEYEYEYEYEYEYYEY

I LOVE THOS SM JWHWBWJWJWJWM

Anyways I hope you like it. I know i was like kinda late I'm still working on the other ones so def look forward to those 😘😘😘

[stripedstarsblueflags]

i feel so high school (au) pt. 6.A: piarles

anyway here are some high school aus for my fav f1 rpf ships and an exploration of who knows how to ball, and who knows aristotle

(based on american high school setups cause of the song)

photographer!charles and motocross!pierre: pierre knows how to ball, charles knows aristotle. they’ve known each other since they were kids, lived on the same street, in fact neither of them can remember a time before the other was in their lives. it’s a small, folksy-looking town right on the edge of a national park, so not only is it surrounded by forests and mountains but it’s pretty cut off from “the outside world”. no nearby amusement parks or sports stadiums, if you want to have fun there and you’re a kid your playground is the Great Outdoors. that’s where young charles and pierre have their best memories together. they’d go exploring on nearly-forgotten hiking trails, form their own trails when they discovered a cave or a spring or a waterfall or somewhere they liked to go back to. pierre was better at climbing rocks but charles was way better at climbing trees, and they were definitely way too competitive at stone skipping considering they were both egregiously lenient about what constituted a “full skip”. they went camping every summer, tried to go stargazing and ended up making their own constellations, just two kids and nature.

it changed a little bit around middle school. their hometown had an elementary but that’s it so all the kids in that age group had to take the bus to the next town over for the next two schools. that town wasn’t really any more urban, but it was definitely bigger and being surrounded by so many new people threw a wrench into everyone’s social life. it was practically a rite of passage. pierre starts to drift away from charles in the first place because he finally meets some other kids who ride dirt bikes. he and charles both have one and while he was constantly trying to get charles to join him, charles would pretty much always say no and pierre would begrudgingly agree; now he’s got friends who will actually go riding with him and he’s elated. it doesn’t seem like such a big deal but he starts spending more and more time with them, especially after school, and ends up taking a different bus home because he stays in that town later. charles gets a little worried and tries to approach him about it, like hey why are you hanging out with those rough-looking kids? why are you out so late i thought you had a curfew? and even though he means well pierre feels increasingly like charles is trying to mother him and being overbearing and even a little possessive (although this last one is closer to the truth).

so they grow apart, only charles has spent so long with pierre that he never really made other friends and he’s left a little stranded. instead of taking the ambitious risk of trying to find new people he gets really invested in various hobbies, trying to disappear into his mind and feel less alone. he goes through half a dozen crafty activities (songwriting, sketching, any musical instrument he can find in a tourist shop) until he gets a camera for his birthday and that’s something he can finally connect with. that’s one of the last moments he spends with pierre when he could still consider them “friends”, bringing pierre along on this really tall hiking trail so he can get the optimal viewpoint and pierre hasn’t seen charles with this much wonder and excitement in his eyes in so long and when charles is taking his picture pierre feels suddenly bashful like he doesn’t deserve that much attention, doesn’t deserve to be treated like an art piece… and if there was any one moment the two of them could have realized what was really going on between them that would’ve been it but do either of them do even a little bit of self-reflection? noooo

they graduate to high school and if charles thought anything would change he’s wrong, but maybe things are starting to look up for him a bit. by now he’s coming around to the fact that he’s definitely not straight, even though that hadn’t even been a possibility only a few years ago he’s a teenager and he’s old enough to start having certain thoughts about certain people. if he and pierre were still super close maybe he would’ve been able to take more notice of his own complex feelings, but as it is it’s a lot of fleeting infatuation and half-formed lust around boys who barely know he exists. that changes when he meets carlos and lando, two guys in his year; they’re friends because they’ve both moved recently from much bigger cities and don’t have a lot in common with the small-town park ranger crowd. they also don’t know charles’s somewhat loser status so they kind of take him in, and he’s just so relieved to have friends that he doesn’t really question whether carlos looks at him a little too long sometimes or tries to get him alone an awful lot. in fact he finds he rather likes the attention. the three of them fall into this sort of little-too-close rhythm where the lines between friendliness and flirting are so blurred they might as well not even be there.

pierre, on the other hand, has kind of gone down the opposite path. when high school started he got a motor bike for the first time and as soon as he felt that level of speed and adrenaline he was pretty much addicted. the group of guys he runs with have mostly gotten their own bikes aw well and it’s not long before a few of them start to compete, there are actually trails nearby in dried out lake beds and such and he finds that even as an amateur he’s got serious talent. that starts to be his dream, to be a pro athlete, and that journey starts early. between races and sponsorship events and basically joyrides, charles pretty much never sees him. but they’ve got something major in common now.

(pt. 2)

[maxdibert]

Hiii is your day going okay? I hope it does. For me it's night so I better be sleeping soon haha.

My question is do you think the Weasley twins were the same as James and Sirius? As if did they have similar personalities, did they do the same pranks, jokes...cuz I feel lots of people do compare them for these reasons, it is even kind of hinted at in canon (with the marauders map, Harry naming the jokester in the family James Sirius) and that's why some people view James and Sirius as mainly these silly popular jokesters everyone liked and therefore they justify their treatment of Severus because 'obviously they must have had a reason'. I liked the Weasley twins in the books, they were a good comedy relief for me, silly and unserious humor is my thing but I can awknowledge some of their pranks and deeds were nasty and bordeline sadistic like killing Ron's pet when using it for a game or scaring him for life with the spider. A lot of Weasleys' pranks seem thoughtless and reckless without any serious malice behind it, unintentional in their harm, but intention never negate the harm so it is not okay to justify it.

Do you think there is some merit in comparing these four and thinking they are similar?

I don’t see them the same way as James and Sirius because, honestly, I think James and Sirius acted with malice and spite, whereas the Weasley twins are just idiots. I mean, I’m not a fan of the twins, sorry, but not because I think they’re bad people—it’s just that I don’t like that type of person. It’s purely personal. Back in my school days, I was part of the typical group of teenagers who felt very much like The Subterraneans by Jack Kerouac. Kids who thought we were the coolest thing ever for having read Hermann Hesse’s entire bibliography, paraphrasing Steppenwolf or lines from Siddhartha, reading the Beat Generation, listening to The Smiths and Joy Division, and watching Godard films. That kind of insufferable intellectual hipsters who talk all day about Slavoj Žižek and his neo-Marxist theories and are deeply into political debates. Basically, we were pretentious intellectual snobs, and I’m not ashamed to admit it—we were pretty unbearable overall.

But if there’s one thing that characterizes the kind of teenager I was, it’s that the funny characters who are always joking and goofing around, like the Weasley twins, were basically our antithesis. I would’ve hated, from the depths of my soul, to have a couple of idiots constantly bothering everyone with their pranks. They would’ve driven me nuts, even if they weren’t doing anything directly to me. That kind of loud, attention-seeking person just got on my nerves. And to this day, it still happens—I can’t stand people who constantly need to be the center of attention.

So yeah, I can’t stand the twins, but despite that, I don’t think they had the malice or spite of James and Sirius. I mean, Fred and George were idiots, and some of their pranks were terrible—I would’ve happily smashed a brick over their heads—but they didn’t have a specific target they tormented all the time. They didn’t strip people naked in the middle of the courtyard out of boredom, they didn’t try to kill anyone. They were goofing around, and sometimes those antics got out of hand, but there wasn’t a dark intent behind them. They were obnoxious and insufferable, but they weren’t sadistic. They also didn’t do their pranks to show that they were in charge or to assert control—they did them because they were a couple of dumbasses, which is very different. I don’t know. I get why people compare them, because they were always getting into trouble and being stupid, but James and Sirius were more than that. James and Sirius actively bullied and abused the same person constantly. Fred and George were quite different in that regard.

[fyrewalks]

officially meet tommy kinard, andie's (@lvebug) uncle

Tommy is born on Nov 10, 1980 to two successful parents - his dad is an award-winning chemistry prof at ucla and his mom owns an event planning business that has strong Hollywood ties 

His full name is Thomas Elijah Kinard, but he’s always gone by Tommy.

He has an older sister, Rebecca, who is 11 years older. Despite the age difference, they are very close. 

Tommy is a shy kid, mostly - and it works out. He doesn’t mind being left at home or hanging out in his parent’s offices or backrooms of events so long as he’s got books and comics and tv to keep him entertained. 

The trouble starts when he’s in middle school. He switches from a Jewish day school to a public school, and alongside a growth spurt, he starts to outgrow his shyness. He gets into sports, makes new friends, and it becomes clear that he was an ‘oops’ baby with two parents who prioritize their own careers and miss a lot of his games and extracurriculars.  They already did it once with Rebecca, and beyond keeping up appearances, don’t want to do it again with Tommy. 

Tommy is 15 (1995) when he moves in with Rebecca and her fiance, James.

He’s on the football team, popular both academically and outside of school, but he’s still a shy kid at heart and keeps an eye out for outcasts. 

After his third fight, his parents are done with his antics. No one cares that he was only standing up against a few bullies; he threw the first punches. 

Despite the potential for awkwardness, it’s a relatively smooth transition. He’s happy to spend more time with his sister and bonds with James over cars and football. 

Tommy stops attending synagogue. Rebecca encourages him to go but respects that their parents made it feel like an obligation. He keeps up culturally, though. 

Tommy graduates high school early; he starts college/rotc at 17 (1997) and finishes at 20 (2000).

While Rebecca and James are welcoming, Tommy’s aware he’s holding back their relationship. Plus, between Andie being born in ‘96 and him no longer living with his parents, there’s a fire to get started with his ‘adult’ life. 

His football coach is an army vet and knowing his interest in cars, figures Tommy would make it well as a mechanic or get some advanced training for something more technical. 

Tommy plans on just enlisting, but Rebecca pushes him to consider college. (They were, after all, raised by the same parents who put a heavy emphasis on education.)

He attends ucla and joins the rotc, considering it a compromise. Between the program and his father’s benefits as a professor there, most of his expenses are covered. While his parents don’t love his plan, they support him monetarily, and really, they know his success and future army career reflect well on them. 

Tommy majors in psychology figuring it’ll be easy since he had no real interest in going to college.

This chunk of time is also when Tommy starts noticing his interest in men. There are a few hookups, but it’s explained away with tiny excuses and the idea that he’s young and horny. Although, he is careful to keep it away from his budding army career. 

Beyond that, Tommy thrives in college. He was a popular kid in high school so this is no different. He’s charming and genuinely kind. (And being a guy’s guy, aka into typically masculine things, doesn’t hurt.)

Tommy secures a spot in flight school (20-21) and is an active duty as a helicopter pilot until 2004. 

He might’ve dragged his feet about his college, but he ends up grateful since his status as an officer comes with better pay and a chance to become a pilot. 

Given the timing, Tommy faces a lot of pressure to continue past his initial active duty commitment. While he’s faired better than some in terms of only suffering minor injuries, he didn’t understand the scope of his commitment nor did he imagine being in actual war when he was seventeen. He misses Rebecca and Andie; when the time comes, he decides to serve his remaining time in the reserves. 

Like college and high school, Tommy finds it easy to fit in. If his masculinity was praised in college, it’s tenfold during active duty. Of course, only as long as he plays up the same ignorance where his sexuality is concerned - he doesn’t think DADT personally affects him since he very firmly shuts down any interest in men. (Obviously, with reflection and time, he knows this was just denial and a way to keep himself safe subconsciously.) 

At 25, he is in the reserves, back in LA, and new to the 118. A few months before he finishes his probie year, Rebecca and James are killed in a car accident. In their wills, it’s their final wish that Tommy take in Andie, who is almost eight years old. 

His parents offer some financial support, but not much else. They further withdraw with the death of their daughter; as has been the case for a while, his parents find it easier to love him, and by extension Andie, from a distance. 

Tommy struggles a lot during this time. He’s navigating life post-army, grieving his sister and brother-in-law, and struggling to balance his job with taking care of Andie. Reserve duty also proves challenging since it requires a weekend away every month and two weeks away once a year. 

All this to say, his attitude isn’t the greatest. (It’s part resurgence of the shyness he felt as a kid and part anger at how hard everything’s become, only mildly tempered by someone who finds popularity and fitting in easier now.)

After his sister’s death, Tommy starts attending synagogue again.

While his attendance is spotty, he makes the effort to go because he doesn’t want Andie to go alone or miss out. This time, though, he feels a genuine connection to his faith rather than a familial obligation. 

The support he and Andie receive through their synagogue ultimately helps them adjust to their new life - frozen meals, car pools, babysitting, etc. 

Andie meets Chimney as his probationary year comes to an end (2007). Starting to feel more settled in their life, and having a community to fall back on, Tommy makes more of an effort to be friendlier and welcoming at the firehouse. He starts sharing more about Andie, his sister, and what his life looks like outside of shifts. 

At twenty-eight, Tommy officially retires from the reserves. He starts pursuing his flight instructor certification and becomes a certified instructor by thirty for extra income. 

Also, during this time, Tommy starts casually dating. He feels old, out of practice, and finds it hard to relate to people given he’s raising his niece. 

He dates both men and women at first, and experiments with labels, before realizing he’s gay and always has been. Andie is the first person he tells and he decides against being out at work too. 

In 2017, at 37, Tommy transfers to the lafd air station and decides he’s tired of living his life half in the closest. It’s not what he wants for himself nor the example he wants to set for Andie. He’s been proud of so much in his life (his military career, his piloting, and raising Andie through so much grief and heartache) that there’s no reason he shouldn’t be just as prideful and open with his gayness too.  

So, current season - Tommy is 44. 

other details:

alt fc if i ever make promos/icons: oliver jackson-cohen

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

You don’t realize how small Sweden is until you live in the 4th largest city in the country and yet you somehow magically know everyone your age. And not only that, but also their siblings, especially if you also have siblings the same age as their siblings. And their parents happen to have met your parents at work, even if they have different jobs, because they cross paths somehow.

The reason I thought about this is that my brother is in high school now, and he got home the high school catalogue showing all the students in all the schools in the city.

And he suddenly pointed out a girl that’s a year older than him, that I realized that I’ve known since she was a baby, because she is the younger sister of a boy that went to the same class as me in elementary school. Their family also used to be neighbors with my brother’s old child minder, and her daughter went to the same daycare as me.

And it’s crazy how the connections go, because suddenly a girl in my University class apparently went to the same school as me in middle school, but in the year above. In middle school, I had gone to a school in the middle of the city, meaning there were students from everywhere around. This meant I not only knew everyone from my own area, but also got some contacts from kids from other areas in the city.

And then coming to high school, it was like everyone I’ve known crossed over. At my school alone I saw practically half of the people I went to elementary AND middle school with, together with random people I knew in daycare or like. At a day camp I went to once when I was 7.

I even somehow know the name of the neighbor of my sister’s childhood best friend.

The funny thing about this is that when you meet new people, and they happened to live in an area or go to a school before, you can go ”oh! So you know this person?” and they’ll go ”yes!” And everyone seems to have stories about each other too. Everyone had totally different perceptions about each other, and this also makes me deeply curious what kind of perception I had on different people. Because I wasn’t really friends with a lot of people, but everyone still knows everyone’s name.

Some kids seem to be more known than others. There was one girl I was friends with in 6th-7th grade, and we later fell out due to arguing. And my mom told me after this that she had spoken to some moms at her work that this girl apparently was famous in girl mom circles because seemingly at every school or activity she had gone to, she had started out being super kind and nice to someone’s daughter, until she suddenly decided she didn’t want to be friends with them anymore and thought they were annoying when they tried to talk to her. So when my mom had mentioned she was my friend, they practically had warned her about this girl and how much drama she brought.

And the thing was, they were right. She was super fun and nice to hang with, until she suddenly decided you were annoying and wondered why you were so ”clingy”, making you more desperate for her approval becaude you thought you did something wrong, making her even more annoyed. But she was also… 12. Imagine being 12 and a bunch of adult girl moms have you as a warning example of who their daughters should not be friends with.

There was also a childhood bully of mine that switched schools after 2nd grade. He was quite the talk in my elementary school due to his behavior, and he was just as bad at his next school I found out by the people who went there. And then I RANDOMLY ENDED UP AT THE SAME CONFIRMATION CAMP AS HIM. Which was super awkward, but he had been super calmed down at that point. He also got himself a girlfriend there, and they are somehow still together. Not everyone gets together at 14 and is still together so this is amazing.

Anyway. This city is, as mentioned, one of the largest in the country. And yet it sometimes feels like a small ”everyone knows everyone” town.

[iyokko]

introducing: iyo

sup! i’m iyo. i’ve had this account for a while, but finally decided to start using it. this is probably the most formal i’ll be for a while. also, a txt version of the image with more info is below in the cut!

introduction pt. 2

general stuff

iyokko — any prns (they/them default, afab)

hi there! i’m a midwestern digital artist who also likes to dabble into worldbuilding. i’m quite busy with schoolwork and extracurriculars, but i like to make time to share my insane ramblings i have throughout the day.

i’ve got a lovely girlfriend! i’m fruity, unfortunately. i might talk about her occasionally, but i’ll try not to since this is the public eye.

i have a pretty poor attention span though, and i’ll probably appear periodically on this account. when that happens, i’m still alive! feel free to send me stuff.

fandoms

here are some of my interests as of late:

murder drones

aphmau (why i joined tumblr! was a mystreet and minecraft diaries kid growing up.)

alice in borderland

extraordinary attorney woo

wings of fire + fantribes (also a wof kid! still am. make most of my extra cash through the ever-popular fantribes on discord.)

blue lock (manga)

beastars + beast complex (both manga)

oshi no ko (manga — stopped reading it for now since it’s gone off on the deep end)

hallow knight

danganronpa (the disease infected me in middle school and it’s sadly rotted in my head permanently)

one piece (just got into it! wish me luck)

warrior cats (read this at the same time as wof and aph. no wonder i came out so gay)

other stuff too! this is just from the top of my head.

qna

what brought you to joining tumblr?

aphmau brought me here! i saw the community, and as a lifelong aphmau fan—with a rewrite in the works by the way—i just had to join in. tumblr’s been on my radar for a while now to join!

what/when will you post?

i’ll be generally posting my art and ramblings! unfortunately, i probably won’t have a very set schedule, but i’ll try to post at least once or twice a week.

what should i stay for?

if you like my personality or art style, then you should stick around! i can’t promise i’ll be talking about every fandom i’m in, but a few that have always stuck with me are danganronpa, aphmau, and wings of fire. those three will probably continue being posted about throughout my tumblr career, so if you like that sort of content, i might be up your alley.

my inbox—is it open?

it’s currently open! but please be patient with me, i’ve only ever lurked on tumblr before. actually using it is currently a mystery i’m uncovering.

any sideblogs to be aware of?

currently i have one other account for my mcd and myst rewrite! it’s called @iyo-mcd-rewrite! hopefully the link worked for that—if not, you’ll often see me reblog posts from it.

i might make others for my two other big fandoms (wof and danganronpa), but for now they’ll be contained in this main one!

do you have other accounts?

discord — iyokko

instagram — iyokko__

toyhouse — iyokko

twitter — iyokko185998

email — iyokko.15@gmail.com

where do i contact you?

i’m most active on discord and toyhouse, but if you dm me on insta or email me, i’ll get it at a later date! twitter i am at a loss for on dms. that’s all for now!