#feels strange tbh but it’s a good feeling
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My first day of school as a grad student ONLY …..
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guy who is only a bit robovorus
#n murder drones#serial designation n#murder drones#murder drones fanart#wikoart#finished#PLEASE watch this show in the latam spanish dub. ITS SO GOOD#i need to spread my propaganda#(uzi says Fuck yourself instead of bite me)#this human design is kind of strange but im tired its ok#i love N sosososooso much also episode 7 killed me and my entire family#i feel like i shouldve given him white hair tbh. but we ball
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
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the Lower Decks/SNW crossover really dared to ask the question of what would happen if Starfleet’s most autistic soldier got thrown right in the middle of his special interest
#star trek#star trek lower decks#star trek strange new worlds#Star Trek strange new worlds spoilers#bradward boimler#then they also threw starfleets most adhd soldier into the mix#'everyone talks so SLOW and QUIET its WEIRD' babes youre extremely neurodivergent#tbh i was NOT expecting this to mostly be a boimler episode I thought mariner was going to get the spotlight but yknow what good for him#it makes sense tho i think Boimler is a character that feels very much like a representation of fandom and like#him pointing out people being ooc and the POV shots just sort of confirmed it LMAO
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A complete travesty in the Good Omens universe? Michael not being portrayed the leader of angels.
She's supposed to be the Supreme Commander, and she's supposed to be the boss. I sincerely suggest you don't fight me on this hill. For Hell's sake, the actress has the perfect vibe... A crime has been commited here.
Therefore, I swear to fix it in my fanfictions. General, I'll do right by you. ❤
If you can't tell, in spite of being on the opposite side, I'm attached to this figure. I'm protective of this figure. I'll defend this figure with claws and teeth.
#watch me being a hypocrite because i always say respect canon and authors do what they wish their word is gospel#but it's good omens and i have a very strange relationship with this universe#also i'm not a hypocrite i can complain all i want it doesn't change canon - nor do i go lashing out at the creators i'm grumbling on a blog#that's the beauty of fandom and fanfiction you make seperate universes and have free reign#if other pricks around here can say they're “fixing” canon for much lamer reasons so can i only i'm right#the beauty of fanwork is you remake what you adore in your own image#good omens#archangel michael#good omens michael#good omens fandom#good omens fanfiction#diary pages#i solemnly swear right here right now...#if you can't tell i have a thing for archangel michael... like in a hierophilic way#my crush from mythology tbh#i said you remake what you adore...#it's more complicated than that for me with go#i dislike most things about go that makes it go#but also i'll always love the story it is a part of me#no no no butchering what mikey's supposed to be was criminal but the actress got her i feel she did great she has the spartan aura#pro tip... never call her mikey XD
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I've found the absolute worst part of Tune In:
John Lennon, well-known abuser, wrote a cute little story about a man who beats his wife to death. I could see why a biographer might want to mention it. John wrote lyrics that centered on the physical abuse of women ("Run For Your Life", "Getting Better"). Perhaps there's something to learn here: is this silly bit of prose in the style of Lewis Carroll a bizarre manifestation of guilt? Or, conversely, does it demonstrate a lack of remorse? Maybe it simply stems from his urge to shock readers?
Mark Lewisohn does not have time to discuss such things! Instead, he confidently asserts that John's wife, Cynthia, who he beat, found John's creative writing exercise about a man beating his wife to death to be "one of the few bright spots in her increasingly hemmed-in life."
This is tremendously fucked up. It would be one thing if Cyn said she enjoyed John's fictional accounts of spousal homicide, but Lewisohn offers no source, and there's certainly no passage to that effect in either of Cynthia's autobiographies.
Maybe she said as much in an interview somewhere, but I really think not. Lewisohn himself thought John's "Jabberwocky, but make it about intimate partner violence" was cute and clever, so surely Cynthia must have found it to be a ray of sunshine in her life. Great take, Mark!
#mark lewisohn#tune in#john lennon#cynthia lennon#in his own write#tbh I think a lot of the strange banalities lewisohn uses as transitions are just shit he wrote that kind of sounded good at the time#after listening to some interviews#he certainly says things that sound meaningful but don't hold up under scrutiny a lot#but this one feels like he's consciously trying to downplay the effect of John's abuse on Cyn which...#shit's fucked#lewi-sins
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The Meeting on the Turret Stairs
#fear and hunger#valteil#francois#valteil/francois#im alive!! and gonna make content with them!!#inspired by painting with this name done by Frederic William Burton#need content with them...#anyways i hope its looks good...#tbh its feels strange to be only content maker about this ship#its little lonely but chill at the same time#sooo im gonna make content with them more hehe
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i like to imagine that sometime in between ep7 and ep8, charlie takes vaggie to cannibal town to help train some of the residents who will fight in the upcoming extermination, and while visiting vaggie sees the kid she spared and maybe gets to have a proper conversation with him and/or his family
#i know that vaggie probably looks rather different than she did three+ years ago when she fell#but i definitely feel as though if you were a sinner who was about to be brutally stabbed by an angel#and then she Didnt Stab You#i think you’d be able to recognize her even if you’re fairly young#(also i know some people think that all the cannibals are hellborn but i believe that some are sinners and some are hellborn)#(this child being hellborn would make no sense because that means vaggie was kicked out for sparing a hellborn child)#(aka doing what she is legally supposed to do)#(so being a cannibal will probably get you into hell regardless of age)#also i really like the idea of vaggie and charlie getting to see the good that came out of her actions#assuming lute and adam didnt just go immediately kill the child she spared (it can be applied the extermination ended almost immediately#after vaggie fell given that you can see charlie walking around looking for injured sinners just a few minutes later so hopefully the#child survived)#then i like to believe the child ran home and got to tell the people who care for him that story#and maybe someone will even thank vaggie for her mercy#in a very strange way givennthat they are cannibals and all#think of a cat who kills mice and gives them to you. that’s probably how cannibals show love except with human limbs#anyways i want to write a one shot about this tbh#my post#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel vaggie#hazbin vaggie#hazbin hotel cannibal town#cannibalism#should probably tag that just in case lmfao#does this cannibal child have a name#im calling him#spared cannibal child#very very original and thoughtful name i know i know#hazbin hotel charlie#charlie morningstar
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Sometimes, I feel Kyoko is like the Bonnie of Trigger Happy Havoc.
This sounds very weird to say but hear me out. Or... read me out since this is text.
This is unserious by the way but also a part of me is curious cus my gosh is she a hassle to find a good color to consistently give her.
Basically, in FNAF, the consensus on what the hell Bonnie is colored is all over. Is he blue? Is he purple? Indigo? It's always been questioned. Meanwhile, with Kyoko, though I haven't seen a ton of discussion around this, like, what IS her hair color. Actually. Cus sure. She's always been associated with purple and when you color pick her hair, it's almost always near the purple part of the color wheel. But also like, what color IS her hair?
I've seen it been drawn more purple, sometimes even white or silver. Hell! Her hair is described as silver in the first chapter of the game! So, what gives! Like, it's never consistent, even in official artwork!
Case in point:
This is how pale her sprite hair is btw
Also, it's not that any other character's been consistent with this in the series. Then again, at least I can tell that Byakuya's blonde, Makoto's a brunette, that Sakura has white hair and that Leon's a red head.
Plus, I feel that the shade of her hair is what MAKES it look purple. Which leads me to question more. Is it leaning closer to white? Silver? Does she just have purple undertones but it's not actually purple. And like, did her purple hair lighten with age or something cus novel Kyoko's hair is a lot more obviously purple compared to when we first me the girl. Or, does she dye it? Like, make it look like a darker purple in Dr3? Would she even have access to hair dye with the state of the world?!
And like, girl, I get it. You got your mysterious bit going on. But, dang it girl! Pick a lane!
#danganronpa#danganronpa kyoko#kyoko kirigiri#shitpost#just a dumb ramble that's very unserious for the most part#goodness tho... been playing around with my art for a bit & have nothing done yet so i wanted to at least give some food for the populous#also she's fine to draw but her hair and skin are such a pain sometimes cus she's very pale and her hair is strange#and a part of me wants to be accurate but also how can i be accurate when SHE isn't even dang accurate T-T#not even like she's in special lighting either. this is just how she is. the inner machinations of her hair are an enigma u_u#also she's not the only dangan character with hair like this. for instance chiaki is no better. she is a dangan bonnie too which fits tbh#chiaki's a gamer girl after all. though my gripe with her hair is more that i literally cannot describe what color it is. so weird#once i start playing the second game of the series i will be sure to make a similar post about chiaki since i'll be drawing her by then#but yeah! just a little ramble that i've had stored for a while and questioned if it was a good idea but screw it. i'm setting it free!#i still love kyoko anyway! she's cool and cute and i love her but i can bully her about her whack ass hair color too#and i feel i'll just headcanon that it was purple when she was younger but became lighter with age due to stress and age#so she kinda prematurely grey'd kinda but it's silver with slight purple undertones. also know this is prob like color theory shenanigans#like her hair is just color theory shenanigans but like still. it's not fully consistent or anything
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Books of 2024: ORDINARY MONSTERS by J. M. Miro.
Swinging from a teeny tiny read (A SHINING) to this behemoth, which weighs in at 658 pages (that's like. uh. nine (9) SHININGs, never mind about the word density per page).
Did I know this is the first book in a trilogy? No. Did I know the trilogy is not yet complete?? Also no. Will that stop me from reading it now anyway??? Wow, you guessed it: No.
I'm always down books featuring corvids in the cover art and kids with mysterious powers, AND the "man made of smoke" that the jacket promises sounds Very Intriguing. All I know going into this book is what the jacket tells me, though, so I'm excited to be surprised!
#books#books of 2024#ordinary monsters#jm miro#book photography#my photography#okay yes listen#LISTEN!!#i may or may not also have bumped this up the list because a.) the shadowy man made me think of Welcome and#b.) i think there's dimensional fuckery of some sort???#i'm not totally sure but i think i saw a page shot of it somewhere#and yeah the random bit i flipped to in my flipping mentioned being afraid of a hotel and that's uuuuh. relevant#AND it's stylized like NORRELL AND STRANGE and i did love that#i got a new hardback as a remaindered copy for like. $12.#that's pretty good and i had a coupon so i figured Might As Well#i really am hoping i get some driscoll vibes out of this too tbh#it's on my Driscoll Adjacent Stack anyway so we'll see if that's real#i was not feeling particularly inspired with this photo but i was also racing fading daylight and tbh i don't hate how it turned out??#can never go wrong with a tree and some greenery i think#a slug started crawling up my ankle as i took this though which was ????#dude where did you COME from i was WEARING SHOES!!!#YOU WERE SO SMALL!!!#he's outside again now don't worry#(i may or may not have noticed him until i was inside but. now he's outside)
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need y'all to know that some time ago xeno brought it to my attention that jesus of suburbia is an incredibly byan-coded song and i haven't stopped thinking about it since
#it's so TRUE. that ENTIRE longass song is so STUPIDLY byan and I can't get over it#I need to like. go back & listen to more green day tbh bc I think a lot of their shit would suit them#*relisten rather. I used to LIVE on green day but I haven't really been back to them in yearrrsssss#and honestly? they're the kinda stuff byan would listen to too ngl#anyway. sorry I still haven't been around... I don't even have a good excuse this time bc I've literally just been playing overwatch adjgksg#I'm hyperfixated on it again it's literally all I want to do rn :x#I'm getting better on mnk and like.... idk man playing on a new input has added a new challenge and?? I'm having sm fun??? like actually???#I haven't enjoyed this game solo this much since 2016 when I first picked it up#it's been nice 🥺 I AM gonna try to like. get myself to take a break to do some writing at some point but. no promises.#gonna see how I feel. u know I'll be back & active at some point it's just been a v strange couple months ajdgsj#hope everyone's having a lovely friday!!! 💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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um. tfw your life is about to change massively very very soon and it still doesn't even feel real yet and still feels like somethings gonna pop up and it won't actually happen and also you're scared as fuck that you're too stupid to actually do it and it'll all be for nothing
#like what do you mean full time salaried w benefits and paid vacation just to do. school.#what made you so enthusiastically think i was the perfect one to do this#when the last approx 20something other guys were like ummmm no you cannot do it#tbf like all that other shit up there aside#this did actually come at the perfect time#i look back on who i was during my masters and i legit do not recognize that person#i barely even remember it i have to look at pictures to think back on who i was#in a strange roundabout way being forced home to stay for a while#kind of re centered me and gave me time to come back to myself in a big way. i was really lost before#and chaining something like this directly after my masters would have been disasters#even like this time last year i did not have this level of mental clarity#and i think thats why i didn't get any of the other positions i was just in a fog and i think people could tell#so as much as like im super scared and nervous about this big change and big exit from my comfort zone#and a little sad and mournful that im leaving my family and wont hear my native language all day every day anymore#im the most ready ive ever been#2019 me was NOT ready im scared of her tbh!! idk what wave i was on but it was weirdo shit!#im also proud that i essentially rawdogged and brute forced a lot of introspection and improvement#entirely on my own#like i really can only just describe it as clarity i feel like i matured 10 years in 4 and cleared all the fog#i feel so good about the way i handle things and react to things now vs then#im like 500x more unbothered and actually know how to put myself first now#anyway uh this prob could have been its own post in and of itself#but woteva innit im proud of how much internal repairs i did on myself over the last few years#became a stable genius as it were#whos a lot more clearly defined and present#but fuck man! i am still scared of being 2stupid
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Hi there
who's there. do i know them
#do i think im funny? yeah. am i? No#a strange ask to recieve tbh! stared at it for three days straight wondering how tf to reply!#considered using a cringe meme. chose bad joke instead#this ask has same feeling as when youre standing in line for a Tasty Beverage and the person behind you randomly says hi to you#like... yes? hello? can i help you? good day? huh??#rambles from the bog
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I taught a class this morning, lovely student I have from Italy who I haven't seen in ages because her Granddad has been unwell. And I knew already she'd bring up Liam because she basically started learning English to understand One Direction lyrics and interviews back in 2010 and bless her heeart. We spoke in depth about it and how heart breaking it is and she was like I really have him to thank for a lot of my English and understanding different accents.
There's these little corners of people all over the world that got inspired by this band to learn languages, visit countries, make friends, make art. Liam is a HUGE part of that.
#im glad the class was now tbh because about a week ago i would have been unable to talk about it at all#and it still feels so strange but thats the first time ive spoken out loud about it to someone in person#well online class but you know what i mean#and that was good for me i think#and for her because she said she doesnt have any 1d fan friends to talk to#i teach conversational classes to adults btw lol my student is in her late 20s
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“go to hell” is basic. “i hope you have the opportunity to write a romatically dense character in a situation where even you can see the other characters romantic sense” is smart. it’s possible. it’s terrifying
#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#insane how i keep on finding such trait haunting me ... got back into a game with my best friend and omg ... the character who i write in#our dynamic came out in leaks like : oh yeah i am avoiding them bc i think they hate me and now idk what to do with this distance ...#even though he ran away and this character spent years. EVEN AFTER THEY FOUGHT last time they spoke! to make sure they were alive.#constantly getting people to check up on him.#this is. uh a common occurance on this blog. a lot of my muses really struggle to see romantic interest in them and. in turn. can take years#in canon material to recognise their villains. not to sound cliche but its not your muses its them#dived into alie.n stage lore and discovered til.ls feelings for iv.an were listed as#unrealized feelings which honestly? i think has opened up a whole world of thoughts and tbh like a whole new way of looking at the dynamics#i hold with my particularly more dense muses and realised yeah? yeah#! that makes sm sense... its not that they werent in love at the same time#(they were and thats why they make some strange decisions. trust)#but did they understand it for what it truly was? maybe#maybe not. the not is more telling bc yeah ... that just makes sense 🫠#anyway good morning! today is definitely a message / gaming day. im going to try and keep an eye out for memes today but after sending#about 20 asks my brain coming up for starter plots is not 100% rn JFSJFJSKFJSJDJ#dynamics on the other hand .. 🥰
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This has been on my mind for weeks and I talked to my therapist about it today and told my girlfriend about it too so now it's time for me to update the gay people in my phone: I may have schizotypal personality disorder
#this is like the equivalent of telling the bees to me#rambling#like ive been thinking about ever since i learned that autism shares a lot of similarities with schizophrenia and looked into that#and then learned about negative/cognitive symptoms and realized i related a lot to them#and then i learned more about schizotypal personality disorder and it was fuckin scary how much i related to it#what with the magical thinking and the severe social anxiety that doesnt go away when i get to know someone#and the ideas of reference and the eccentricity and the communication difficulties and the strange thought patterns#and then i specifically learned about avolition as a negative symptom which describes the exact thing thats ruining my life rn#and. i was scared to talk to my therapist about it bc i was worried it could be used against me somehow#but it was good to talk it out with her and get some additional perspective on whats going on in my brain#and if it means i could maybe possibly work on fixing the avolition and the social anxiety (my two biggest issues for years)#then it would be 100% worth it tbh. and its also kind of helpful to have some sort of framework to understand whats happening in my brain#funnily enough when i told my girlfriend (who was previously mis?diagnosed with schizophrenia and considering autism)#about it she related a lot too. so i guess we'll see how that goes#its. crazy how much of an overlap there is between schizospec orders and autism#i feel like i might should write up a post going into detail about different schizospec disorders to raise awareness#bc like. it is so much more than just hallucinations and delusions#in fact its not even required to have both of those for any schizospec disorder. some only require one and others dont require either#there is so much to the schizophrenic spectrum that i was unaware of and I'm sure that's probably true of other people too
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