#feels like not being willing to engage honestly with the text on its level. like that joke about getting too opinionated on like

[vickyvicarious]

Frankenstein annotators vs Dracula annotators FIGHT (this Ask brought to you by the Frankenstein weekly annotator takes)

For real, there do seem to be some blisteringly cold takes going on in academic circles.

I think Frankenstein suffers more with people tending to identify harder with either Creature or Victor, and thus skewing everything the other one does in order to demonize them. They get plenty of material to work with either way, because both are extremely flawed individuals. Both are self-absorbed, make bad choices, cause harm to those around them. Both also are extremely depressed/self-hating, do not want to hurt anyone until they're well caught up in a self-perpetuating cycle of hatred, feel trapped and victimized by the other. I think a lot of the power of the book comes from being able to sympathize with both of them and spot so many moments of "if only-" while still feeling that the way things turned out was somehow inevitable. It's just ingredients of a great tragedy!

With Dracula, it feels more like people are trying to distance themselves from the characters. By reducing them to plot points, archetypes, and the like, these people stop engaging with them as characters. And as such, they try to force in negative nuance where it wasn't intended in the original, or view them only as a stereotypical Frigid Victorian Male (Jonathan) or say "this side character didn't do a lot so maybe they were secretly evil" (Quincey), or just get... super, super into horny symbolism everywhere in a way that actually saps away a lot of what makes the characters themselves. In doing so, they miss the heart of the story, which despite being a horror novel actually has some really uplifting stuff.

I haven't read tons and tons of academic takes on both books, but based on what I have read, I think those are the trends that seem to bring about some of the really weird or hostile takeaways. Getting too attached to a particular character in Frankenstein, and trying too hard not to care about the characters in Dracula. Opposite in a way, but both ending up missing a lot of heart/nuance that I think you can find in the original works.

I feel there also is an element of a kind of feedback loop in both cases. Each book has had a major impact on pop culture, but in ways which tend to diverge significantly from book canon. I do feel that some of the simplifications and reversals start out as either derivative of (Dracula must have a sympathetic backstory) or defiant to (actually, Frankenstein is the real monster) the film/pop culture versions. This as well as responding to so many other established lines of criticism and types of takes that have become almost a "standard" and which are somewhat removed from the actual canon of the page.

[tobi-smp]

you might be able to expand on this in a way that’s smarter then me, but honestly; i think technoblade apologists rely far too much on word of god for their analysis.

like, it feels like every time technoblade (the character) is analyzed in the context of the Text Itself, the fans will say “that’s not what techno intended” or “he didn’t think that when acting techno”.

this is probably because cc!techno cares so little for the the fourth wall. but as someone who analyzes techno it also annoys me. “cc!techno didn’t plan to kill anyone canonically during doomsday, cc!jack just challenged him” regardless of what your cc intends, c!techno still bombed a country and shot at other characters, and for him to think there would be no casualties in that is ridiculous.

this fourth-wall-breaking honestly gives quite a few issues like this; techno acts like killing tubbo was unimportant or even funny because “it’s minecraft” and anyone still angry at him about that is just irrational. obviously, because c!tubbo still has to live with the scarred body and the huge amount of trauma, this makes c!techno seem like a Huge Dick. but pointing that out always gets so many angry responses.

rivals duo enthusiasts make so much “techno heals and cares for dream” content, but in actuality techno wants his lore to be only funny so he says “i’m not getting tortured. that seems like a you problem.”

i’m not saying that techno isn’t nice— because he is, to ranboo and phil and niki— but because he participates is HUGELY SERIOUS topics (bombing a nation twice, tommys exile, terrorism and taking hostages, dreams torture) and then acts like he doesn’t care, it just makes him look…. Bad.

i dont really know where i was going with this. basically i just wanted to complain about how one of the most argued about characters doesn’t even seem to be serious about the serious parts of the lore.

perhaps you can somehow expand on this in a way that’s smart T_T

Honestly, techno apologism takes techno's word as absolute truth Way too often in general (both in character and out). which isn't unique to techno fans by any means, but it's particularly bothersome because it leaks out into how they talk about other characters, All The Time.

a quick example would be techno arguing that l'manberg was corrupt because tubbo was given presidency without an election. the reality of the situation was that they were in the middle of a crisis (a war that just came to an end, the death of the president with no one to take his place, and the destruction of the entire nation), so it Wasn't under normal circumstances. l'manberg would've then held elections every couple of months had they not been exploded before that could happen. (there's also the fact that nearly everyone that'd be a part of l'manberg was there and could've voiced their concerns, instead the crowd cheered. they didn't get a ballot but they still expressed their approval).

and of course things that he says about other characters being taken as word of god (him wholesale inventing the character flaw that tommy sees himself as a hero with the theseus speech despite the fact that tommy denied it right then and there. or cc!techno making the joke that tommy's only facing the consequences of his own actions, Twice.)

but more on the topic, there Is a massive tonal difference between techno's viewpoint and everyone else's, and that's completely on purpose ! but that creates some of the worst discourse this fandom has to offer Because techno involves himself in serious lore while still insisting on carrying his non-serious roleplay style.

when you take his word on it and Only his word on it it strips other characters of their nuance because he doesn't see or Care about their motivations or the context behind them. that's why it's so easy to paint the butcher army as purely evil from his perspective. Technoblade doesn't care about releasing withers on l'manberg, Technoblade doesn't care about having shot tubbo, Technoblade doesn't care that quackity is terrified of him, so why should they? why should anyone?

people refuse to see the butcher army as a response to technoblade's actions because technoblade doesn't treat his actions as if they have weight. and so quackity is taken to the fandom alter to be sacrificed as an uncomplicated villain (either alongside tubbo or while painting quackity as a manipulator who coerced the rest of the butcher army), and this Long before las nevadas was a part of the lore.

but then of course, if you look at his actions and attitude from any other perspective (minus philza) he just looks, Cold.

he's bombing l'manberg because of a failed execution and philza's house arrest but he won't even acknowledge that tubbo's execution or his destruction of l'manberg was something that he should've apologized for. he painted tommy as a dehumanizer because tommy chose to stand by his best friend, but techno is risking the lives of people who haven't wronged him without remorse because philza (his best friend) got hurt. he's angry at tommy for betraying him (to the point that he's indifferent to his literal death), when he refused to take tommy seriously over feeling betrayed with tubbo's execution and when He was the one who lied to tommy during their partnership.

he refuses to engage with other characters on an emotional level because that would suck the dumb fun out of his actions (and I don't mean dumb fun as an insult here, I love his roleplay style when it Isn't tonally dissonant from everything around it). but from the other perspective that comes across as indifference to suffering, willful ignorance, hypocrisy, or just outright cruelty.

which just isn't how his character Should be read with how its being acted, but it's the only way To read it in context.

techno wants his character to be the comic relief on the server but he still wants to involve himself with heavy lore, which would still be Possible if he was fine playing a villain (just look at jack and niki with their team rocket arc). but the problem is that he presents his character as emotionally disconnected from everyone around him outside of a select handful of people (and even then, he won't engage with certain things seriously for fear of being pulled into serious lore) while still wanting his character to be read as good (or at least lighter on the gray morality scale).

the solution to this would be a more careful implementation of techno's involvement with the lore. keeping him involved in conflicts in a way where his character doesn't bump elbows with the darkest aspects of the server. either by having him Not involved with things like doomsday or having him involved in a way where he isn't an instigator, Or by technoblade the content creator taking the L and taking his roleplay more seriously when he involves himself in serious lore.

instead we have the insistence that it's not technoblade's fault that people died when he killed them because it doesn't fit with how cc!techno wants to engage with those events.

[everyonewasabird]

@fremedon I’m going to move the conversation about Grantaire’s revolution rant to it’s own post! Hope that’s okay.

(beware, this got LONG, oh my god)

@fremedon said:

Coming back to Grantaire and “Preliminary Gaieties,” I’m thinking about that speech again in light of this post.

All the metaphors about God throwing a revolution to cover his bankruptcy are in service of a point that Grantaire also states in (for him) remarkably plain language–that as much as he would like for progress to occur smoothly and automatically, it doesn’t:

“What the rest of you call progress advances by means of two motors, men and events. But, sad to say, from time to time, the exceptional becomes necessary. The ordinary troupe suffices neither for event, nor for men: among men geniuses are required, among events, revolutions.”

He spends three pages circling back to the idea of revolution, and every time he lands on the same point–that it’s not only inevitable, but necessary; that the universe is badly made and God is unable to set it right without human action, which means revolution.

And then there’s this passage, which is kind of key to the whole thing (switching from Hapgood to FMA):

“Oh! By all saints of Olympus and all the gods of Paradise, I was not made to be a Parisian, that is to say, to richochet forever, like a shuttlecock between two rackets, from the company of loafers to the company of rioters!”

He introduces a list of loafers–the group he says he was born to be part of–ending with “a petty Germanic prince, furnishing the half of a foot-soldier to the Germanic confederation, and occupying his leisure with drying his breeches on his hedge, that is to say, his frontier.” This list balances Floreal’s banker, from the start of the speech–another idler in this vein, whose conquest of the grisette is explicitly equated with Brennus’s sack of Rome.

Grantaire wants to be idle; he wants to enjoy the appearances that God is trying so hard to keep up, but he’s seen through them; he understands that even the illusion of smooth social functioning that revolution and riot disrupts is still violent at every level, from the sack of cities to the defense of micro-states to Floreal’s poverty. He gets it, he sees the violence inherent in the system and he understands that any action to change will, under the circumstances, necessarily also be violent.

Philosophically and politically, he pretty much agrees with the Amis about how the world is and what it would take to change it.

And then he finally says the thing it’s taken him three pages and a bottle of wine to say, and that no one in the book has really said outright yet:

“And it appears that they are going to fight, all those imbeciles, and to break each other’s profiles and to massacre each other in the heart of summer, in the month of June, when they might go off with a creature on their arm, to breathe the immense heaps of new-mown hay in the meadows!”

They all know that just their political association, let alone the kind of organizing they’re doing, could on its own get themselves killed. They’ve been part of a network amassing weapons with the full intention of taking to the streets with them. They all know that if–when–it does come to insurrection, their lives will all be on the line.

No one talks about it. No one, before this point, ever acknowledges it out loud.

And when Grantaire finally does–in front of Joly and Bossuet! Who watched the funeral cortege go by and decided to have brunch instead! Who are very much on the side of Yes Do Notice the Flowers and the Spring!–what’s the response?

“Speaking of revolution,” said Joly, “it appears that Marius is decidedly amorous.”

“Does anyone know who it is?”

“No.”

THEY ARE SO DESPERATE TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT. THAT THEY RESORT TO GOSSIP. ABOUT MARIUS.

They don’t even HAVE any gossip about Marius! “SPEAKING OF REVOLUTION… … … OH HEY COURFEYRAC’S ROOMMATE HAS A CRUSH. On someone. Allegedly.” This is not even the “How about that local sports team” of subject changes. This is just flat refusal to engage with anything Grantaire has said.

In my headcanon, about 80% of Grantaire’s position as Resident Skeptic* comes down to this: that he sees as clearly as any of them do that their ideals, if taken to their logical conclusion lead to violent revolution, and that the chances of that revolution accomplishing anything significant are slim compared to the chances of their all getting killed. And that aside from Enjolras, most of them deal with this through flat-out denial.

Grantaire’s a depressive. He is Very Bad at denying unpleasant truths. He is self-medicating very hard just to be able to ignore enough of the world’s unpleasantness to get up in the morning. He works really, really, hard to see the flowers and the spring and enough of a bright side to go on with this life that they are all so willing to throw away on such a slim hope.

He really can’t get on board with just…hoping that the suicidally rash inevitable endgame will work out for the best. But the only one of them who appears to have any other coping mechanism is Enjolras, who conceives of himself as an instrument of war trying to make himself obsolete–whose metric of success is self-annihilation. Which I think Grantaire understands very well and wishes he didn’t.

*The other 20% is tied up with his objectification of Enjolras. In the very literal, “what a fine statue,” “Je crois à toi”  sense. Enjolras is an abstract concept? Grantaire’s a skeptic; Enjolras is a god? Grantaire’s an atheist; Enjolras is a statue? Grantaire’s an art school dropout.  If he can make Enjolras something other than a person, then he doesn’t have to take him seriously; he doesn’t have to worry about letting him down.

everyonewasabird:

Ooh, you and I are reading a LOT of things differently! Interesting!

So I don’t think I disagree about what Grantaire is saying but about how it lands: he’s wrong. He sees the problems of the world--and in his bitterness invents extra problems, like women marrying bankers, which is not an actual problem, Grantaire--and despair makes him think nothing can be changed. And Joly and Bossuet know he’s wrong.

On the “new mown hay” line--firstly, oh my god, Hapgood’s translatation of that is a travesty. That passage is gorgeous.

Here’s Wilbour:

“And it appears that they are going to fight, all these idiots, to get their heads broken, to massacre one another, in midsummer, in the month of June, when they might go off with some creature under their arm, to scent in the fields the huge cup of tea of the new mown hay! Really they are too silly.”

...God, it’s so beautiful. Anyway.

It’s worth noting that this passage is not like the rest of the speech. Grantaire was being racist and sexist and gross like a sentence ago, and he undercuts his own eloquence with “Really they are too silly” a sentence after. I think the magic in his spark of sincerely expressed fear and regret here is real! And I think Hugo and the brick feel that regret and that loss. But I don’t think Hugo and the brick agree that therefore it would be better to just not have the revolution.

About Grantaire you said:

He works really, really, hard to see the flowers and the spring and enough of a bright side to go on with this life

I don’t agree. I think Grantaire is trudging on with a life that fills him with horror and which he barely tolerates, and the one good thing he has are the people he surrounds himself with who actually do pay attention to flowers and spring and the bright side--like Joly and Bossuet, who keep making jokes for exactly this purpose. Like the joke about Marius and revolution!

It’s not that Bossuet and Joly value their lives less or are paying less attention to the cost of the fight than Grantaire is--it’s that they value the world more. They love their lives--hence their last, joyous brunch instead of the boring, rainy parade--and they love the world, and they believe enough in hope for the world that they will willingly and joyfully give those lives to fix it. That’s not the same thing!

I don’t read “speaking of a revolution, Marius is amorous” as avoidance at all--handling catastrophe with good humor is Joly and Bossuet’s whole thing. Grantaire is spiraling into despair that Bossuet and Joly don’t share, since they’ve committed to this fight and made their peace with it. So they redirect Grantaire’s collapsing despair spiral with the joke that Marius--whom they must think of as a massive prude, given, well, them--suddenly caring about romance constitutes a revolution on par with the one they’re planning. Honestly, I thought it was pretty funny!

I don’t think anyone is facing the revolution with denial--I’m not following where that idea comes from. It seems to me the Amis are brave and selfless and committed and good, and they see revolution as worth doing, and if they die in the effort, they see that as worth it. I think everyone but Grantaire is fully on board with that.

A LOT of my feeling that the text of the brick is adamantly pro-revolution comes from this post from pilferingapples, ostensibly about the Waterloo digression. This post seriously upended how I think of the revolution plot of the brick versus its weird bourgeois ending--honestly, it completely changed how I think about this book and just...books in general. I can’t overstate what that bit of meta did to me.

On Enjolras... oh wow, we’re seeing very different characters!

You say:

Enjolras, who conceives of himself as an instrument of war trying to make himself obsolete–whose metric of success is self-annihilation.

I definitely see the instrument of war thing! And I think he always saw the (possibility? probability? certainty?) that the world he fought for would not include him. But I don’t think his metric of success is self-annihilation. That might be Valjean’s, but I don’t think it’s his. I think Enjolras’s metric of success is the world being saved.

I think of Enjolras as the great moral victor of the story. Inasmuch as he has flaws, they’re about being too absolute and sublime, to the exclusion of all else. That’s not a damning flaw, and in embracing Grantaire he transcends it. Far from tending towards self-annihilation, he seems to me a character of nigh-superhuman resilience, too full of love for his friends and humanity and faith in a better world ever to break, under any circumstances. I don’t think his willingness to die is abnegation--I think it’s genuine love for the world and faith that even in defeat, he and his friends have moved humanity closer to a better future.

(I hope that wasn’t too combative! I’m happy to argue further! :D)

[theorynexus]

Fifty and Four sends us cresting over the hill, if we weren’t already. How long until we hit the bottom?

Oh ho? Jane’s perspective again, huh?  ‘t’s been a while.

EEEHHHH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!   Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh, that is not good!

Rrrrgh, she does not need to be building up a habit like that!    The consequences of such use are far too severe and unpredictable, even if you don’t consider the potential negatives to one’s psychological health. >.< Gosh... even with her Life aspect probably protecting her a little bit from its sugary after-effects, reading that makes me feel sick.  > ~~~ <

Figures that a Cherub would be biased in favor of it. At least Alt!Calliope is willing distance herself and try to be objective, though.

***giggles uncontrollably, even though this honestly shouldn’t be funny***

Very politically-minded, but it also sortof sounds like the excuse-making that an addict would engage in, so I am not convinced that this is a legitimate argument.  Yeah, shoring up your base is important, but doing something that could strongly alienate swing voters is not necessarily wise, either.  I suspect she knows this too, but is in denial about the fact of the matter, because she enjoys the benefits of Trickster Mode too much. It is quite interesting that the human kingdom’s subjects appreciate it so much~

HAAAAA. Oh my fricking gosh, Alt!Calliope is a Cherub Supremacist! XD  

(Sortof makes sense, based on the mindsets that were described in Aranea’s [?] talk about the Cherubs’ origins, though. Might be biologically-driven, honestly.) Also, it’s quite interesting to see Jane interacting with Alt!Calliope like that, but it is hardly unique or overly-noteworthy, all things considered... at least, most likely. Quite a few other characters have responded to narration in a similar manner.

... Honestly, I was about to freak out about the Juju getting covered in dirt and grime, but the way she tossed away probably significant keepsakes, trophies, or the like for the sake of honoring it is... quite disturbing, and speaks to a danger in her presumably worsening compulsion/habit.  Though they might just be cookies.

Dirk displays surprising wisdom/good judgment, here, and amusingly alludes to the fact that his voice is being otherwise suppressed.   His actually talking in a scene represents a nice sort of loophole, but not one by which he can utilize such control as he would otherwise be capable.    ... And yes, her burning out is a very legitimate concern, which speaks to the fact that Dirk definitely+legitimately cares about the things that serve his purposes and/or agendas. They, he is willing to more gently guard, comparatively, it would seem.

It feels like this is a reference to something, probably from the 1980s or early 90s, but I can’t place my finger on it. Oh well.

This is very amusing, honestly.

Deeeeeerp.      (Yet another example of why it is difficult to take his attempt at super-godhood seriously... or at least find it anything better than dreadful.  Dirk is great at juggling many things at once, but not as great as he’d need to be. )

Oh, and I appreciate Jane’s concern for Dirk.  She is indeed correct in saying that he is usually much better at it than my previous comment might have suggested. But I am not entirely being unfair, insofar as this is true: the greater the responsibility one wields, the greater the level of competence one must have in order to pass proper muster.  He was failing in his attempt. I didn’t really give him all that much of a chance to sway me, honestly, but my own demeanor in dealing with him had nothing to do with the actual quality of his work.

This must be really concerning to Jane.  And... honestly, yes he is. They are very, very similar. Dirk is just more obvious with his intelligence, more controlled, and more mature. They are both highly ambitious, crave challenges, enjoy art, have quite a bit of masculine pride, and have a shared appreciation for irony, riddles, and absurdist humor.     Caliborn was likely very, very influenced by Dirk in particular, both of them received Yaldabaoth as their Denizen due to their personality and prowess, and both of them are highly manipulative men of questionable morality.   Also, their sexual interests seem to be somewhat similar, but that is a debatable matter. Lord English has Lil’ Hal integrated as part of his soul, Lil’ Cal has played a profound part in both of their (multiple) life cycles.  Finally:  as of the Epilogue and his attempted control of the narrative seen therein, Dirk essentially has pursued the same goal that LE did: domination of Paradox Space through his will controlling the natural flow of events. Dirk and Caliborn are in truth extremely alike.

I do so very much like where this is going. It would seem that we will soon find out precisely what Dirk is planning. “Diminishes and ascends” has an interesting ring to it, as well.  That red rifle:  Is it the one that launches portals? Honestly, Dirk is indeed quite clever, by the way. He has the seeds of great potential.  It’s simply that it has not fully bloomed, yet, and he is a little bit overly full of himself, and arrogant in what he believes he can do.  And yes, he is indeed temperamental when people interfere with his plans, it seems.

There’s the scheming politician we’ve all been waiting for. Way to go, thinking in such calculated manners and considering backstabbing ones you care about, Jane. Somewhat petty, and certainly rather dangerous, all things considered (things are a bit more explosive, where gods are involved), but closer to the political ideal which I would hope for if she were to be portrayed as competent. (Of course, I am actually disgusted with that sort of behavior. It’s one of the things I dislike about politics. I’ll recognize that it at least paints her in a slightly better light than the previous samplings of her thought process and tactical capacity has; thus, I generally like and dislike where this is going.)

Yep. Angelic purity with sexual potency/desire. There has always been this sort of tension in Hope’s nature. Just like the fact that angels are, in Biblical texts, both symbols of terror and destruction as well as hope and salvation. All (almost all?) the important positive interactions with heavenly beings start with fear on the part of mortals, followed by a “Fear not!” to suggest they come in peace. Otherwise, they come bringing judgment and wrath, and thus don’t tend to bother much with formalities.

Is that sarcasm, Jane?  If not, there’s certainly a heavy layer of irony. Do remember what just happened with Jane when she invited Jape Jake over for a friendly visit, not too long ago, my good audience members.

...   ***twitches, and tries very hard to hold in the inappropriate laughter***

If only I had someone so dependable to tell me when I was not dwelling far enough into the land of Always Woke.   Perhaps then I would be able to avoid the inevitable scandals that would result from Foot-in-the-Mouth-itis. Oh, wait, no politician can avoid being attacked for various probably minor accidents on their part as the populace naturally over-reacts to what honestly may not actually reflect their character so much as them being accident prone or ignorant?  What’s that about manipulation of audio/video recordings for the sake of generating useful sound bites that might be used in an attempt to impugn the honor of any prospective candidate?  Oh. I see. Thank you for that important bit of knowledge that I otherwise might not have had access to, imaginary adviser.  (Note:  I do not actually believe that one should try to be as careful as possible with regards to what one says; nor that one should ignore or scorn important social issues. I am utilizing exaggeration and mockery for the sake of comedy.) ... Alt!Calliope’s description of Dirk holding the rifle is quite elegant and beautiful.

This is indeed a beautiful irony, seeing the situation with regards to Dirk and Alt!Calliope’s tendencies toward bias being reversed.  

***snickers***   Magnifique. 

It is strange to see Alt!Calliope teasing and egging him on. It may be unintentional. Hard to say.

[eclectia]

Dead Space: Horror Through Design

Dead Space is a game that needs little introduction. A claustrophobic sci-fi horror set in space that manages to rise above its action horror roots to become something truly chilling at times. One of the main ways in which it achieves this is through the visual and environmental design of its levels; or rather level, because the game takes place all in one contained space – the USG Ishimura. 

In this post we're going to be looking at how the game creates tension, how this permeates the entire game and how this game-feel effects the player. The main sources of horror in Dead Space is of course the Necromorphs, the flagship enemy of the franchise which can only be killed by what the designers termed “tactical dismemberment”; but these monsters quickly become a stale exercise in jump scares and enemy gauntlets. Well designed body horror will only get your horror design so far if you're only willing to engage with players through predictable gameplay beats and genre convention. 

 In my opinion the more tense sections of the game are the first few sections, where Necromorphs are few and far between and the suggestion of the monster is more than enough to send shivers down your spine. The game suggests monsters more than throws them at you and asks who are you and how are you, a mere engineer, to defeat these monstrosities? That question, that “what if?” is a prime source of tension through suggestion and demonstration. The game shows you how powerful these enemies are in an opening sequence that proffers you no option but run -and run fast- and then spends the next half an hour both teaching you how to defeat them in one-on-one encounters, and creating a distinct fear of “they could jump out at any time”. This is clever, allowing the player to face off against enemies in singulars, to practice the games dismemberment system before it really starts to throw hoards at you, but it also compounds upon the horror. 

It achieves this in two ways. The first is of course through the narrative story bit of “here's the monster killing a bunch of people who surely [according to existing game convention] are more than well equipped enough to deal with it”; that initial splash of subversive jump-scare is a shock so early – not even 3 minutes – into the game and during a completely innocuous section to boot. It is a very good example of “show, don't tell”. Instead of having someone tell you something is aboard the ship, the main enemy bursts into play and makes its presence and danger to you, the player, known. And then of course, a fast fumble into gameplay where you could be assailed at any moment and which sets up a clear predator-prey dynamic for the rest of the game – you are being chased, you are not the chaser. It does all of this without telling you, without audio logs or “I'm being followed”, which would perhaps be ham-fisted. This of course erodes as the story goes on and you equip bigger and better weapons, begin to predict the jump-scares and find exactly those sorts of logs, but that first slice of horror is delicious.   

The second way in which the game introduces tension to the player is by showing, repeatedly, Necromorphs climbing back into the walls and vents, ready to emerge again at any point, from anywhere, or so it seems – and to the player, feels- for one very important reason; the very vents, shafts and walls from which they jump out and retreat back into are littered all over the environment, all around you. In several scripted sections Necromorphs specifically watch you from them, making them feel omnipresent and constant but aside from these visual cues, you can hear their thunks and clicks as they climb about, unseen but very much felt. This reinforces the predator-prey dynamic and oppressive atmosphere. You are firmly within the spider's' web, a fly. They are all around you, sometimes making themselves known, sometimes not, but always there – audible, and palpable. 

This horror is only as effective as its opening sections. In my opinion as the game goes on and you get stronger and more desensitised to the jump scares of the game, the shock of seeing an enemy climb out of an open vent or back into one, accompanied by a scare chord, is lessened slightly. After all, when they climb out, you'll be able to deal with it in all likelihood. To a lesser degree another way in which the game uses environmental design is less to do with the actual design of the ship so much as placement of objects throughout the game; the presence of bodies. The first time you pass one, it might lay prostrate and in your mind dead. But when you return, inevitably after having picked up an essential item, they may spring back to life with shocking certainty. The first few times this happens it is undoubtedly scary but when every [monster] body in the game bar one does this, it quickly loses its shock value and in my mind, is a good example of why jump scares stale so fast – through predictability and player anticipation. The best jump scare is sporadically used, not the very crux of the horror itself. 

 That constant, oppressive feeling of “they're everywhere, all around me” is compounded by the very nature of the USG Ishimura. It is a ship, drifting in the dark annals of space, that final frontier. You cannot leave because you have no escape option. The corridors are winding, gaping maws filled with environmental storytelling in the form of scrawled messages, crazed passengers and an intense feeling of claustrophobia. It is easy to get lost and disoriented on the ship, especially when many corridors lead to dead ends and you are constantly backtracking and crisscrossing over your previous paths, opening new ones and returning to prior areas through previously inaccessible doors. It can be very disorienting after 2 hours of exploring one section, to suddenly find yourself back in an area from 4 hours ago, emerging from a door you probably forgot existed until this moment. Clever changing of previous environments as things happen in game – bits of ship getting blasted off or reconnected to energy grids allowing for more exploration, the meaty growths spreading across the ship and new enemies appearing and bodies disappearing all help older areas to feel fresh, rather than stale retreads. All of this, also, done without words, without telling the player. It all contributes to a feeling of confusion and being truly lost in what is actually, a rather small gameplay area and this in itself is a really clever use of space and navigation to make a game feel larger than it is. 

But this clever design is slightly watered down somewhat by one of the navigation mechanics in the game. You can press a button and a visual guide will pop up showing you the path to the next objective. Honestly, this feature feels entirely ancillary to me; there are signposts clearly telegraphing areas you need to go; there's a map on the tram that pops up at the beginning and end of every chapter-so why not incorporate that somehow-; and the rest of the game prides itself on having no user interface so why have something as clunky and immersion-breaking as this tool? It undermines the very horror of feeling lost, of encroaching deeper and deeper into the abyss, and it also undermines the clever design beats that include signposts and symbols that show you where to go. Your companion, Kendra, also gives you directions so your knowledge of the games' space and how it all connects together, is actually unnecessary and at no point is the player required to demonstrate their knowledge of the layout, or even allowed to get lost which could really have added to the fear and feeling of being trapped. That feeling is entirely undermined for the sake of convenience.

However, one way in which the claustrophobia of the level design is compounded is in the cameras, and tightness of the corridors. Taking cues from Resident Evil 4, Dead Space features an over-the-shoulder camera of almost cinematic proportions. We are following Isaac through the game, watching everything almost -almost- from his perspective, and we see exactly what he sees. Necromorph bodies and open vents, and text scrawled on walls, and all. This camera, twinned with the tight, narrow corridors, contributes also to a feeling of closeness, of the walls and very cameras closing in on you, everything so close together. You are being watched, by the camera and the Necromorphs both.     

Another design choice, namely the light being twinned with the weapon you are using, adds to this. All outside of your narrow target is often too dark to see in certain areas where the game ups the tension using darkness. You could be focused entirely upon an enemy, torchlight glaring furiously in its face, but that will be all you can see; which forces you to confront the horror in front of you, and leaves you with a question. What if there's another outside of the light, outside of your view? This is another way in which the design of the game uses suggestion and “what ifs” to scare the player. Not only this but that most primal of fears, nyctophobia, is incurred. That light in darkness is a pinprick, barely allowing for you to see ahead of yourself, and making you feel, again, like everything is closing in on you. Darkness all around, the ships walls all around, Necromorphs all around. 

Other areas of the game use the very colour of lighting – harsh oranges, reds and yellows – to signify danger, fear and that an area isn't yet safe. In enemy gauntlets, you will find an alarm blaring and an orange beam flickering, to show you that there are yet still enemies around that you must kill before you can progress. This is one thing that, I think, enemy gauntlets do well – you are trapped in a confined space [within an already confined space] and must get rid of all the enemies before you become their next victim and all aspects of design in this case are telling you “danger, get out” as well as allowing you breathing room once the danger is alleviated. 

 All of these design choices – the enemies established in the walls, limited lighting, winding corridors, the tight camera, the maze-like structure of levels and the disorienting feel of repeating back on yourself all contribute to a very precise feeling within the player. You are trapped, you are tracked, and this all creates tension, unease, and fear. Of course, this is just one of the ways in which Dead Space creates fear. 

[endlessgreysky]

August 10, 2.04 am

Fun thing about ptsd is that my brain protects itself from things, until it doesn’t. A lot has happened recently and I went numb for actual weeks, and I just had a tiny moment where I felt a tiny emotion and suddenly every emotion just rushed into the crack so quickly I had a panic attack.

Lost one of my friends. Out of everyone I’m friends with she’s the one I’d expect it from, she’s the one who’s problematic enough on her own that I honestly didn’t feel anything but rage at what happened. Then I felt nothing, and I felt a little weird and bad for it but it was more important how my friends were feeling anyway. The drama is between my best friend and her, so I’m just here being pissed because my best friend is my person and I’m wildly overprotective of her. But my other friend is like the ex-friend’s person, so it’s awkward bc she’s going to keep being friends with all of us and she just wants us to work it out. She talked to me about it yesterday and I’ve just been thinking about it ever since. The first thing I did when the drama happened was remove her from social media everywhere so she can’t contact me without it being a “request” so that I can choose whether or not I engage. Thinking back I’m just beating myself up because I’m so used to dealing with drama that I never stopped to think if that was the best idea in this situation. And it’s not like I’m super excited or ready or willing to let her even a tiny bit back into my life, but in all honesty everything I feel towards her regards what happens with my best friend, so if they work things out I’ll still have removed her everywhere. I guess I got so used to losing friends and everything being impermanent that it took me this long to realize the friends I’m losing now are the ones I’d started to consider family.

I’m pissed at her, a part of me hates her, a part of me never wants to even look at her face again, but it hurts. It’s just this nagging ache that I felt when I realized that she was my family for awhile and I just shattered a part of my family since she’ll always be around as long as my other friend is. And that ache is what let in all of my other feelings as something besides my numb depressed state.

My mom had someone she loved die today and threw herself into a dinner with my dads shitty fucking family right after. They condescended her because that’s what they do, they condescended me because they think she doesn’t know how to raise me, and honestly I just hate being around them and it was in the house I grew up in and it was just really uncomfortable. Not to mention that my dad exists to make me miserable. But my mom thought things were going really well and she was actually feeling great when we went home, only to find that my cousin posted the picture she took while my mom watched her take it, and tagged everyone in it except my mom. And it made my mom upset and excluded and all of those feelings which made me really upset bc no one gets to ever fucking make my mother feel that way. She deserves better. Quite honestly, I deserve better, but I don’t care enough about myself for that.

My two best friends in the entire world deserve better too. The one I talked about earlier has a lot of dumb family drama and it’s been a hell of a lot worse lately, and there’s nothing real I can do to help her besides talk about how nice it’ll be when we have an apartment together. It’s not very reassuring since I don’t even have a job yet. And her birthday is coming soon and her family is just remaining shitty as if she’s not about to turn eighteen which should be huge and exciting. And my other best friend goes through a lot and I just can only help her so much through text but she lives in another country so there’s literally nothing more I can do to help her. It’s the worst feeling in the world, to want to fix something or help someone and literally being unable to do it.

I’m really lonely. I still haven’t told my mom about my ptsd and I’ve kind of been closed off because I don’t want to tell her anymore. My best friend lives in another country, my other has a job, and my only other real friend now is moving into a dorm soon. Those are my people and they’re amazing people and I love them with everything in me but it’s just like, there’s something missing. I guess I was really in love with this guy that broke my heart and it’s not even him anymore, it’s just that I miss that feeling. I’m tired of being alone. And almost all of my trauma is from my ex, so being in a healthy relationship is literally the only thing that works best to heal and shit bc it replaces the bad memories with good ones. My therapist says if I do that enough it should blot them out a lot, and it’s worked so fucking well with my friends that I’m just dying for it to happen romantically. I’ve been having more flashbacks and nightmares again bc my ex is back in town and it’s just looming over my head. And just bc all of my mental health is getting worse. And I have a lot of methods to cope now that are helping, but there was something about my recent ex that just helped. Like, I had a flashback once and he wrapped his arm around me and that was all it took to calm me down. It was just the feeling of being with someone in that way that was safe and comfortable and it was something I’d never felt before and idk if I’m a junkie for it or if I miss it or what but I don’t know how to really get better without that happening. And it’s going to take so much time for that to actually be able to happen again and it’s just killing me ig. I’ve also jumped into this self destructive state where I’ve convinced myself that I want or even need to see my ex again for like closure or some bullshit, as if I don’t know the fucking panic I would go through even if we stayed forty feet away from each other the entire time.

My life has gotten so quiet and depressed recently that I’ve stopped listening to music most of the time, which is like ridiculously sad. And concerning. Music is literally the thing in this world that means the most to me that I care the most about and I just don’t fucking care about it right now. I don’t feel like I have the mental energy. I have no idea why or what’s wrong with me but you know what? It’s terrifying me.

I’ve been drowning all of my problems in fanfiction like nobody’s business. It’s wildly problematic bc I’m burying my feelings, I’m not doing anything bc on the days I don’t read all day I’m sleeping all day bc I read all night. I haven’t written anything for my novel in a month now and I’m very aware of it but I couldn’t be bothered to work on it, which is bad bc I’m about two weeks away from missing my second goal for it and I’ll beat myself up a lot once I start having feelings again. (Funnily enough I’m going numb again now that I’m getting all of my emotions out here.) I’ve deadass cancelled plans with myself and other people to read the fanfiction. And like it’s great fucking fanfiction but it’s getting far passed even the term unhealthy. In fact, I literally started crying during my panic attack earlier because I’d convinced myself Wade Wilson was so real that when reality hit I couldn’t handle it. It’s like I was using Wade comforting Peter (Parker, its Spideypool) as my own emotional comfort in that kind of relationship way I’ve been missing. And even knowing he’s not real I’ve been taking a lot of comfort knowing he would beat the shit out of my ex if he ever met him. But yeah I’ve been channeling myself through their relationship and living through it and it’s been one of my most incredible acts of escapism yet, and then I realized I don’t actually have someone to hold me when I break and reality crashed onto me so much fucking harder. And I think it’s also that I know Wade’s character enough to trust him and so I’ve become a fictional characters emotional leech and I let it get so intense unintentionally that I literally couldn’t handle the reality that didn’t have him in it. This kind of makes me sound crazy lmao. Funnily enough, I used to have breakdowns like this a lot whenever I got way too into my escapism. But usually it was just a lot of sadness - the only other time I had one at this level was when I started to realize that my entire fantasy universe wasn’t going to come to life when I grew up. Basically, I had a very intense childhood but like fuck i was lonely back then and I guess I must be that lonely now. At least this time I’m creating fake significant others instead of having only imaginary friends.

My therapist and I haven’t been able to meet much over the summer and it’s been enough for me to pull back and make my issues seem better than they are, which is probably a lot of the reason I’m suddenly a fucking mess. Luckily for me, she’s gone this week so I won’t get to see her 🙃. But anyway, I think I got everything out and I definitely feel like this helped. I needed to vent in a way I haven’t done in a while. I’ve also been being misgendered a LOT on my recent trips and it’s all by family which affects me worse bc they know my identity and don’t work to correct themselves. So that’s not helping. And it might be almost 3 am now but I’m definitely diving straight back into fanfiction for awhile longer before going to bed. I can admit I’ve taken it way over the top but escapism is my bitch for a reason and I’m not giving up on it now. I think I am gonna try to make some sort of note for my therapist so that I don’t keep talking about my issues like they’re better than they are. I always do it but with her it’s a problem lmao. Oh, I’m also avoiding sleep tonight bc I don’t want nightmares. So there’s that gem. I turn 18 in 15 days and I’ve stopped making plans bc I literally don’t care anymore. Taking stock on the things I’ve stopped caring about, I’m literally a huge fucking mess and I didn’t even realize. Oh! And I’ve also started having a lot of self esteem issues bc it’s hot outside and my stretch marks on my thighs show with my shorts on. That hasn’t been a problem for me in years.

Anyway, I think I’m finally done now. I seriously doubt anyone read all the way through this long ass vent, but on the off chance that you did, thank you for your time. I really appreciate it. I hope you’re having a better time than I am, you deserve all of the good things and I hope you’re getting all of them and more. Please have a good morning, day, or night. Stay hydrated and do something nice for yourself bc you deserve it! All my love 💕

Chris xx

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, last random post for the day, then I gotta work. But something else I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, is that kinda weird feeling when you don’t like a writer or how they handled stuff and would have preferred someone else write it, BUT at the same time, you also really like something that came out of their writing and probably wouldn’t have happened if not for that writer making it happen.

And I think this also traces back to that post the other day about not settling for substandard representation and holding creators accountable for not doing more, and when its not the creators’ fault but the higher-ups, holding them accountable, etc.

Like, Scott McCall and Jeff Davis is a great example of this, I think. Obviously, he’s one of my favorite characters of all time. And as much as I hate how Davis and co. wrote him a lot of the time, obviously they also wrote him in ways that established all the core reasons I love that character so much, and there’s no guarantee that if another writer had launched a TW reboot, their version of Scott would be remotely like the one that I latched onto. 

And obviously we’ve all talked a lot about how Davis could have done more with Scott’s Mexican heritage and identity as biracial and latino, even though there’s a large chance he would have just been white if another creator had been in charge. I raise that just as another example of what I’m talking about, not one that I myself am looking to weigh in on, I leave that to latine fans. For myself, I’ve obviously talked a lot about how I project onto Scott and identify with him so much as a survivor and see a lot of parallels between his story and my own experiences and the identity they’ve shaped for me. And on that front at least, I’ve ranted just as much about how I personally don’t give Davis any credit for this stuff, because I think it happened in spite of him not because of him, that he was oblivious to the undertones of his own material, or at least the ones that could easily be read into it.

And then there’s Devin Grayson, the Nightwing writer I rant about a lot. The one who wrote him being raped, which obviously is also a large part of why I identify with Dick, and just like Jeff Davis, something I think is in spite of her writing, not because of it, as she too was irresponsible and oblivious in a lot of her handling of her own material. And at the same time, she’s also the one who introduced Dick’s Romani heritage and made that canon, while being very heavy-handed and stereotypical with the way she wrote things herself, and a lot of Rom readers being very critical of her choices there, while at the same time celebrating Dick’s Rom heritage and happy to have him as representation now. And given how few writers have even referenced Dick’s rape since it happened or how few actually acknowledge that he’s Rom, an argument can bemade that neither of these things would have happened if not for her.

And then we’ve got Bobby Drake, who I identified with long before he came out in the comics, and even moreso now that he’s actual gay rep I can point to. But obviously I rant a tooooon about Bendis and his handling of all this, probably even more than I ever have about Davis or Grayson specifically, and I think the difference here is that making Bobby gay WASN’T something that only he would’ve written. Given that multiple writers going back over twenty years have wanted to and even tried to write Bobby as gay or bi, but Marvel told them no, this is a definite area where the higher-ups are as much to blame for my issues with the comics as Bendis himself. Because Bendis is responsible for the writing choices I dislike so intensely in this matter, but Marvel’s higher ups are responsible for Bendis being the one who got to make the writing choices in this matter, even though other writers were willing and able.

I’m honestly not sure where I’m going with this, lmao, and don’t really have a point, sorry if you thought I did. I’m more kinda just thinking out loud. Except...in text. Whatever.

Anyway. All of this I think goes to show one of the best things about storytelling IMO....which is that stories grow with the telling. Always. Storytelling is like one giant, never-ending game of telephone. Where every time a story is retold, or adapted, or even just passed along from one person to another via a summary of the events - something gets added to it. The last person to pass it on in some fashion added a little bit of themselves to it, their own personal experiences and perspectives and priorities helping to further shape or flesh out the story even further. 

Sometimes by adding little details or context that maybe weren’t even in the original source material, but that we unthinkingly add in, maybe because those details are things that came to mind when reading or watching the story since they go hand in hand with why the story appealed to us in the first place. Like we add them in without realizing it because it seems so obvious that there are little holes and gaps in the story and these are the things that SHOULD go there, should’ve been there from the start. 

And other times, we add to and grow stories in the telling, somewhat counter-intuitively, but by ERASING little details about the stories or elements that feel like they don’t belong. Like filing away the rough edges to leave a more finished, polished piece before we hand it off to the next person, our audience for our retelling or recounting of it. Again, often not something we’re even consciously thinking about, our minds automatically leaving out the parts that we take for granted don’t fit or shouldn’t have been there in the first place. 

So any time we interact with a story, have some kind of personal relationship with it or connection to it, its like that story exists on two levels, in two separate ways. There’s the story as it was originally told, initially laid down, the story a creator constructed based on their own personal experiences, lens, and priorities, the story both as they intended to write it and as they actually wrote it, what ended up on the page. And then there’s the story as it exists once distributed to a wider audience, the story as its retold and recounted and transformed and shaped and honed and added to.

And you can’t divorce that second, larger version of the story from the initial ‘baby’ story it grew from. Not to get too precious here, but as with anything that grows, either physically or metaphorically, there is a sense in which its alive, and can be compared to other living things. Like take any person you meet. That person grew from a baby. The baby they were is fundamental to the person they are now. Who they are wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for who they were.

But how much does the baby they were actually matter, when interacting with the person they are now? No, you can’t separate the two, the one wouldn’t exist without the other, but in every way that actually matters, its only the larger, more grown version of that person that you’re actually interacting with, engaging with, INTERESTED in engaging with in the first place. How much credit do you actually owe whatever they were like as a baby or young child, for them growing up to become someone you like and value as a person now, someone who adds something to your life?

I think its something similar, with the way we interact with stories, and I think that’s part of why I have such a problem with the way we’re...encouraged to give proper credit and even show gratitude to storytellers for giving us certain stories in the first place. And I say that as a writer myself, and one who LOVES feedback, and loves interaction, and collaboration, and for whom a large part of the appeal of writing is seeing what someone makes of something I’ve written, or what they go on to do with it.

But I mean.....there’s no doubt that however these things originated, Dick Grayson’s existence as a male rape survivor means a ton to me, as one myself. Just like him being Romani means a ton to a lot of Rom fans, and the way Scott McCall being Latino means a ton to a lot of latine fans and how he means a lot to survivors in other respects and how Bobby Drake being gay means a ton to a lot of LGBTQ+ fans.

But in a lot of those cases, these characters mean so much to us more as a result of what other people have done with them SINCE those initial stories laid out these aspects of identity. It’s not Devin Grayson’s fumbling attempts at writing Dick as Romani that most Rom readers I know celebrate and enjoy his character, its for what others have done with that heritage on their own. Adding to it with their own personal experience, or at least researching attentively and with proper credit and deference paid to people whose experiences they listen to and learn from, etc. Just like, its not her issue with Nightwing and Tarantula I would actually cite as the reason I identify so strongly with Dick Grayson, but all of the fics and meta and headcanons written about that issue by other survivors who added to it and fleshed it out and made it real and lived with their own experiences and takes, while filing away the parts that just didn’t work for them.

Then again, we could argue that at least we still owe something for having that opportunity in the first place, right? That there was even that seed planted, that other people cultivated and grew into the story we actually like and engage with.

Except, idk. Like, intent doesn’t matter in terms of harm done, we say that a lot and its true. The fact that you didn’t intend to hurt someone with something doesn’t mean that they weren’t hurt. But that doesn’t mean that intent doesn’t matter, that it doesn’t make a difference in how something comes across. That sometimes it isn’t THE difference, in and of itself.

I rant about non/con fic and hurt/comfort fics all the time, fics that are really just an excuse for torture porn, even as I write stories that deal heavily with rape and abuse. And I don’t find this remotely hypocritical, because for me, this part traces back to intent. I’ve got zero interest in people using trauma such as rape or abuse for a narrative REASON. Like when writers talk about using rape as a tool to reveal something about a character, to change them in some way or develop them, to show what they’re capable of surviving or toughen them up, anything like any of that, I have an immediate and visceral reaction of FUCK NO. That train of thought is basically a dealbreaker right there, because I’ve got a deep-seated hostility to the idea that rape or any kind of trauma can be a tool. Even in fiction. Because no matter how you frame it, that tacitly perpetuates the idea that rape or abuse can have a purpose, a reason for existing, for happening to a character or a real person, and from there it’s only a few small steps to justification of it happening. The idea that being raped or abused can make a person better, can change them into a better or stronger or person in ways no other experiences or circumstances can manage - that’s deeply abhorrent to me, and I’ve got no respect for stories that go this route.

But at the same time, I do write stories about rape and abuse and read and engage with stories about this stuff, like various stories about Dick or Scott. And for me, the difference in these stories, the reasons why I’m interested in these but not those others, is because of the intent behind their writing, or at least what I perceive that intent to be, based on the writing. I’m interested in the stories that aren’t about writing rape/abuse to tell a story about a character, but stories about characters who have been raped/abused. Stories that are about the PEOPLE affected rather than the events that affect them. That treat rape/abuse not as a narrative or plot device or a thing that happens with purpose or for a reason, but rather just as things that happened to the people the story is about. Treating these things as lived experiences rather than part of an author’s grand design, or the real-life version of these things as part of God’s grand design. I don’t read/write stories about rape or abuse, I read/write stories about survivors. The difference is in the intent. Writers who are trying to make something horrible into something useful versus writers who are trying to make something out of the aftermath of something horrible. The latter value the survivor’s pain; the former don’t value their pain enough not to subject them to it in the first place.

And this of course relates to writing identity as well as experiences. With writers like Davis and a Latino character like Scott or writers like Bendis and a gay character like Bobby. It comes down to intent. Why are they making these choices, giving these characters these identities. Are they doing so for a purpose, because they think it says something about that character or will result in something? Or are they doing it to tell stories about a character with this identity? Because just like with certain lived experiences, I’ve got no respect for writers who treat real life identities as a tool, as something that can be chosen with purpose, to achieve specific goals. 

Most latine fans who are dissatisfied with Davis�� handling of Scott as a biracial or Latino character specifically, IME they cite the problem being how little interest Davis showed in actually expanding on that or doing anything with that aspect of his identity, even while happily taking credit for casting a Latino actor in his lead role. The vast majority of my complaints with Bendis and his writing of Bobby’s sexuality go back to how little interest he ever showed in writing Bobby as a character, having him explore his sexuality rather than just treating his coming out as a character benchmark or milestone that would forever have Bendis’ name on it, and that’s all he needed or wanted out of that. Why would anyone owe a writer credit or praise or gratitude for using someone elses’ identities for personal achievements? 

The flipside though is what about writers who write outside their lane in an honest and sincere attempt to tell stories about people who have these identities, stories about the experiences that come with them, stories about these people as people. Okay sure, that’s different, that’s great. But I mean, its not THAT great. As a white dude, I don’t ever think, gee I sure am grateful that this writer sat down and decided I’m gonna make this character a white guy because I think white guys have stories worth telling. LOL. Nah. So why should I be like, well gee, I sure am grateful that this writer sat down and decided I’m gonna make this character gay or bi because I think gay or bi guys have stories worth telling? I wouldn’t. I shouldn’t. Congrats on seeing me as a person whose identity and experience has value, same as I am and do because of my whiteness or my maleness? I’m....grateful? Nah. I mean, yes, this is better than writers like Davis or Bendis who are only writing outside their lane to get credit and praise for doing so, but just because its not ACTIVELY bad, doesn’t mean its like....ACTIVELY good or worthy of gratitude instead of just....hey, here’s a thing a writer did, they wrote a story with someone who’s like me in these specific ways. I’m a person to them.

Again, I have noooooooo idea where I’m going with any of this or what I was trying to say in any kind of cohesive fashion. This was just....stream of consciousness musing that I will now wrap up because I’ve run out of steam and/also I gotta get back to work. Make of it what you will, like, if you can find something useful in this, hooray and also, impressive, lmao, and if not....let your eyes glaze over and scroll past, lololol.

[wizard-worm]

Yo, for my English Lit A Level coursework, I wrote about Radio Silence & the canon. This is the essay, if anyone’s interested:

Radio Silence and other young adult novels ought to be included in the canon.

Young adult novels are often seen as less worthy of study than books for adults, even though many demonstrate the qualities seen in canonised literature. Radio Silence is an example of a novel which accurately represents the parts of society it is trying to reflect, contains valuable moral lessons, and is emotionally, thematically and narratively complex, all of which contribute to making a text valuable according to aesthetic theories, and yet the novel is overlooked perhaps merely because of its audience.

Young adult is a broad genre because it is simply an indication of the age of most readers, and within it exists the genres seen in adult literature: fantasy, thriller, science fiction etc. which makes the exclusion of young adult books nonsensical. It could even be more interesting to study because it is largely unexplored, so study wouldn’t involve repetition of interpretations that have been proposed before, as with books that have already been discussed for years. Perhaps because young adult books are intended for young people, those who have the authority to decide what is study-worthy assume that they must be simplified, when in fact there are a mix of more and less intellectual novels, just like in adult literature. The existence of “easy” novels in adult fiction doesn’t make people discount the others. Another assumption people seem to make is that young adult novels are thematically shallow, when in fact teenagers deal with many of the same existential questions adults do. Framing these themes from the perspective of teenagers shouldn’t make them any less significant.

While Radio Silence arguably shows a narrow perspective of the world since it is focused on a small part of the education system, so do many canonised texts, which are often more exclusive since they fail to represent groups which Radio Silence does, such as ethnic minorities and LGBT+ people. Austen’s novels are an example of this, with her focus on upper-class families, however even with her sharp focus on few characters, readers can still recognise and relate to the character archetypes.

Some canonised novels could be considered part of the young adult category, such as The Catcher in the Rye, but since they were written before the genre was widely recognised they were received in much the same way as adult books, meaning there was no bias against them. The fact books like this are seen as “academic” shows that adults are sometimes willing to see teenage perspectives as worthy of study, so perhaps the main barrier for modern young adult literature is the false belief that there aren’t intellectual books in the genre just because they have been put under a new publishing umbrella. In the future, critics may begin to take YA fiction into consideration for the canon, as has happened with other genres previously seen as unliterary. Crime fiction is an example of a genre which at first was thought of as commercial and purely “readerly”, but in recent years has been studied in English Literature courses, demonstrating the subjectivity of literary value.

Oseman was 21 when Radio Silence was published, which some might use as reason to exclude her novel from the canon. This mirrors the way female writers were excluded, resulting in authors such as the Bronte sisters using male pseudonyms. In the field of sociology, some theorise that modern society is an “age patriarchy,” meaning children are oppressed by adults to maintain the adult/child hierarchy. Both women and children have been seen as unintellectual, and this has been the basis for inequality. The fact that women have managed to challenge patriarchy to be included in the canon suggests that the same could happen for young people if the hierarchy is questioned.

Radio Silence deals with themes of mental health, sexuality, platonic and romantic love, family, and trying to find happiness. These themes are seen throughout literature, but when examined from a teenage perspective are often dismissed as self-indulgent. The themes are interwoven with discussion of the education system, which is the main subject. Frances, the protagonist, is successful academically but starting to realise she feels no enthusiasm towards school. Her friendship with Aled Last demonstrates the conflict between “school life” and “real life”. While they are just acquaintances, Frances expresses fear over “messing it up,” to which her mum responds “You’ve got lots of other friends,” and Frances says “They only like School Frances though. Not Real Frances.” The capitalisation emphasises the divide Frances feels between her “study machine” identity and her creative side. Her mum’s reply mirrors the way that adults oversimplify teenagers' problems, as also seen in the beginning. The headteacher is giving a speech on parents’ evening, and Aled has been chosen to give a talk about university. The teacher tells the audience Aled is going to Durham, “if his A levels go to plan, anyway!” Frances narrates that “All the parents laughed… Aled and I did not.” The short sentences create a curt tone which communicates Frances’ annoyance at the trivialisation of something which their futures rest on.

The effects of this invalidation are shown in how they see their own problems. Frances makes it clear that she doesn’t get any enjoyment from school, yet all of the decisions she makes centre around getting into university. She says “whenever I wasn’t doing school work I felt like I was wasting my time” reflecting the amount of pressure that is put on students. This tends to have a negative impact on their mental health, seen in the case of Aled isolating himself at university. Adults not taking teenagers seriously worsens this problem because they don’t feel able to seek help, since whenever they voice their feelings, they are brushed off.

When Frances is panicking about one of her exams she feels embarrassed texting Aled: “This sounds really dumb I know I really shouldn’t be so upset about it haha.” Through this Oseman subverts the stereotype of teenagers as uncaring as Aled sympathises with Frances rather than dismissing her and this support means, towards the end, when Frances is beginning to question the expectations she’s always put on herself, she stands up for her own feelings when she doesn’t get into Cambridge. She narrates “You probably think I’m a whiny teenager. And yeah, it was all in my head, probably. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.”

This is also an example of one of the ways in which Radio Silence is narratively interesting. The entire book is told in first person, but the “fourth wall” is often broken with Frances addressing the reader. This creates the effect of a story being told to you by a friend, which encourages empathy. It also exposes her as a somewhat unreliable narrator when it comes to the subplot of Carys’ disappearance. Frances speaks with conviction about why Carys disappeared, making statements like “It was my fault she ran away,” but later on it’s revealed that Frances’ perception of Carys has been distorted. This adds realism by reflecting the way people tend to think, believing ourselves to be more significant than we are. When Carys is introduced, it becomes clear Frances was fairly insignificant in Carys’ life, though the reader is previously convinced by Frances’ perspective.

The narrative also switches from past to present tense during the moments of direct address to the reader as well as during a pivotal chapter in which the characters are drunk. There are analepses to something that happened two years ago with Carys, but told in present tense. Oseman uses repetition such as “Aled was saying, Aled is saying,” to communicate Frances’ confused perception of time which realistically reproduces the experience of intoxication as well as highlighting Frances’ unreliability as even she is aware of the contradictions of her perception.

The subtlety of the portrayal of a toxic parent is also perhaps more well-crafted than many adult-oriented books, which often jump straight to the most extreme cases of abuse. These are important, but aren’t as engagingly ambiguous as Carol Last, who walks a fine line between strict parenting and psychological torment. The complexity of the situation creates a moral debate and would provide an engaging topic of discussion, since she is a more subversive villain than typical flat “evil” characters because it’s not clear what her true intentions are, as well as being a character one might encounter in real life.

Her actions are almost justifiable; she has Aled’s dog put down while he was away but she could rationalise it because of the dog’s old age. Frances aptly describes the disconcerting coldness Carol possesses without really doing anything wrong: “She looked terrifying… a smile that said “Can I get you a cup of tea?” and eyes that said “I will burn everything you love.”” Aled struggles to talk about her, and after a lengthy conversation Aled finally manages to simply say “I just really don’t like my mum.” and Frances realises he was struggling because “It sounds like such a juvenile thing.” This anti-climax creates mimesis since this conclusion lacks emotional closure.

The inclusion of modern technology also adds interest. Realistically, a significant amount of these character’s communication is done through text. Some might argue that focusing on technology, which develops so quickly, can date a text, but it is an important part of modern culture that can’t be ignored. Including text messages is useful because the author doesn’t have to obey grammatical rules, making it more expressive: “HOPE YOU’RE FEELING PARTY AF” and “it’s honestly fine!!!!” In the past when technological developments have been made, they were incorporated into literature, such as with the emergence of epistolary novels after the postal system was set up.

Oseman also uses a story within a story that incorporates technology. Universe City is a fantasy podcast which tells the story of Radio Silence, a character trapped in a dystopian monster-infested university. Occasionally between chapters there are transcripts of an episode, and through this, Oseman explores how the internet allows new kinds of creativity while providing insight into Aled’s character as the podcast creator. It is revealed that Universe City has been Aled’s way of reaching out to his sister after she disappeared. The transcripts are littered with metaphors and analogies for Aled’s mental health and life events, such as the motif of fire: “I see you in every fire that lights,” “The fire that touched you must have come from a star,” which refers to his mum burning Carys’ clothes just before she disappeared. It’s a clever way of including a more literary style without interfering with the realistic first-person voice. The issue of prioritising literary technique over realism is shown in young adult novel The Fault In Our Stars where the teenage characters say things like “My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations,” which some might see as more “literary” but which also seem pretentious and false.

Ultimately, Radio Silence incorporates many aspects of canonised literature that critics believe to be valuable: universal themes, complex characters, interweaving plots, interesting narrative techniques, and it is innovative through incorporating technology. Negative stereotyping of teenagers leads to dismissal of young adult literature, but as the internet allows young people to become more vocal, perhaps young adult literature will become more accepted.

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@chronicintrovert (u dont have to read this if u dont want to but idk i’d be interested if someone wrote about my book so tagging u just in case)

[official-ilvermorny]

Ilvermorny Sorting Game: @chocolate-and-flour

@chocolate-and-flour’s answers:

*Hogwarts House and why you feel an affinity:

Either Ravenclaw or Gryffindor. I go so back and forth on those two bc I love them both so much! I value intelligence, wit, and creativity. I really admire people that are insanely smart and passionate about their fields of interest. I loOoovvveee it if someone compliments my��brain & HATE it if someone insinuates that I’m ignorant or uneducated! However, I also value courage: the courage to stand up for what you believe in, the courage to pursue your dreams, and the courage to face your fears. I love being adventurous and I always admire chivalry!

*Patronus form and why you think it accurate:

Thestral! I was soOo excited when I found out, bc they were always my favorite creatures in the entire Potterverse. They are considered by many to be dark, dangerous creatures, associated with death due to the obvious fact no one can see them unless they've witnessed death. I, for one, love that about them. I’ve always been attracted to the supernatural and mysterious (my fave class would be DADA), and I think they bring a certain air of beauty and peace to death. They are very misunderstood creatures, but in reality they are very clever & generous, only presenting their true selves to those they can fully trust, which I can earily relate to. Plus, I’m an oncology/ICU nurse who has witnessed a fair amount of death, so I would definitely have bonded with quite a few of these lovely beings by now.

Wand details:

10 ¾ inches, ash wood, unicorn hair, and rigid flexibility

*Which of the following do you most trust when making decisions, and why: logic, intuition, instincts, or emotions?

Honestly, all 4. If I HAD to choose the one I go with the most, probably my intuition.

Which class would you most like to take at Ilvermorny and why?

DADA first! Bc it looks like so much fun, & you’d get to feel like a bad-a**!

What No-Maj career would/do you follow in life and why?

I am an oncology nurse, who used to work in ICU specializing in thoracic/lung cancer. I chose to do it bc I love both the medical field (it’s so darn fascinating) and I love taking care of people.

What wizarding career would you like to follow and why?

I would probably be a healer, since my no-maj career is nursing. Preferably at Hogwarts (or in this case, Ilvermorny), so that I’d never have to leave that amazing place! An auror would be awesome, too. Or maybe own a Thestral farm, so I could be with my sweet little babies of death all day.

It’s summer break! What is your ideal way to spend it?

Traveling to new places, reading some good books, and spending some relaxing, quality time with family & friends.

Do you prefer to learn hard facts, or to think about abstract concepts?

Abstract concepts.

You discover that a close friend of yours has been bullying someone. What do you do?

Call them out on it and tell them to put themselves in the victim’s shoes. If they refused to stop, then I’ll just slowly stop answering their text messages.. Bc who wants to be friends with someone capable of bullying?

What do you do when stressed?

I have stages of stress. First I shut down, get really quiet and kind of disappear into my thoughts. At this point I don’t want to talk about it to anyone. Then I try to distract myself with reading or watching a show I love. Once that calms me down, I’m more willing to talk about it, but it still usually takes some prodding from others. Sometimes, I break down & cry.

What do you do when angry?

I get very passive-aggressive when I’m angry. I will get very quiet & skulk around at first, wanting that person to address the situation before I do, but then I get irritated very easily if they don’t and it eventually sets me off on a bit of a ranting.

What do you do when sad?

I will get very quiet and lost in my own thoughts. Guilt will usually catch up with me (whether its due to something I’ve done, or just that powerless feeling you have when you can’t change something) and sometimes I’ll cry. Very dependent upon what it is I’m sad over. I usually only cry when I feel powerless.

What do you do when happy?

Try to get everyone else on my level! When I’m happy, I often daydream and get very enthusiastic about what I’m daydreaming about.. and I’ll discuss these thoughts/ideas with others.

What is your greatest fear?

Losing a loved one. It absolutely terrifies me. Not being able to see or talk to that person every day would be the worst feeling in the world.

What would Amortentia smell like to you?

Warm coffee, books, my doggo, marshmellow & lavender, clean bedsheets, the air before/after a storm, fir trees.

*How do you spend your free time?

Netflixing, reading, yoga, cuddling &/or outdoor adventures with my doggo & husband, brunching. Sometimes, I get inspired to bake something.

*What extracurriculars do/did you engage in?

When I was younger I did competitive ballet & in high school I was involved in volleyball and key club (volunteering). Nowadays, my hobbies are reading and traveling.

*Which Ilvermorny House do you feel a strongest affinity to and why?

Probably Pukwudgie or Thunderbird. Even though I overanalyze things the majority of the time and I try to think logically, in the end, I always make decisions based on my feelings and how the situation will affect my feelings/morals

I agree with you! You’d do well in both Thunderbird and Pukwudgie. You are certainly a Healer in many respects, the first and foremost being, of course, your actual occupation. You seem to have that desire to help people that is inherent in all Pukwudgies. Your bullying answer was good too – rather than just telling them that it’s wrong, you try to help both the bully and the bullied. That’s also a sign of a true Healer. You also say you follow your feelings – this works for Pukwudgies and Thunderbird. The question is, is it your Heart or your Soul?

On the other hand, some things tell of Thunderbird as well. I find your love of Thestrals very intriguing, and it says both Thunderbird and Pukwudgie. You have a deeper sense of understanding about Death than most people do. You don’t seem scared of it – perhaps nervous, as this is the natural human. But not scared as many people are. This understanding could be linked to either a “higher plane” of knowledge, if you will. If this is the case, it definitely says Thunderbird. However, it could also be because of your experience with it. Rather than an innate understanding of Death, you’ve developed it over time. This would suggest Pukwudgie instead.

So I think you’d be given a place in both House Thunderbird and House Pukwudgie and would have to choose. So choose wisely!

~Prefect Selwyn

[bannedtogether]

Ok, I just found your blog from another one I follow, so I’m not sure if I’m coming in late in the game here or not to tell my story. My close friends are the only ones who know about this, and it has been a few years at this point (my last text to SN being in 2015) but I still feel like I need to actually put this public finally because I didn’t realize this behavior was as prevalent as it is (or was, I’ve honestly stopped following the band just because I stopped keeping up, I’ve done that with a lot of artists lately). So I pretty much have a 2 year long SN story. Going back through your SN tag, someone mentioned that in 2014 at SPWF he kissed a fan in a hallway in front of a bunch of people right before they left? Yeah I’m pretty positive that was me. I want to put out there that through the entirety of this I was above the legal age of consent, there was a definite age gap, as seems to be a pattern.

Just a warning this is going to be long. I can also send screen shots and pictures he sent me as proof of all of this. From the time I started texting with him to when I stopped, there where 200 pictures exchanged that are still on my phone. I made sure to never delete anything.

He actually started talking to my sister and I (we are twins as well) in 2013, the first year we were at SPWF. We had met the band in either 2011 or 2012 (whenever they were still at the zoo) during a trip to San Diego, but hadn’t met him, and then went and saw them when they were actually on our coast for SPWF. Sam had broken the pipe on the side of his hat and needed tools to fix it, so my sister messaged them once they put a call for help and told them we had parts that could fix it. So when we went to the signing they had before the meet and greet, the band already knew who we were and I guess that made SN interested, especially when he found out we are twins. He made sure to tell us we needed to come to the photo op they had later, where he made the band scoot to the side so he could get a picture with us, each one of us kissing his cheek on either side, and had us redo the picture like 3 times. We really didn’t think too much of it, thought it was fun and moved on.

Next year (2014) they came back, and SN had messaged me several times through tumblr, talked on his video game streams, even made sure to message me as soon as they knew they were coming back to SPWF to tell me to buy tickets before they released that knowledge to the public. I thought it was cool, seeing as I am looking to go into the audio field, I was hoping for the chance to get to see the set up he runs, ask some questions, learn a little bit, while hanging out with this seemingly pretty cool guy. I went with my friends as planned, re-enacted the cheek kiss picture as he requested, hung out for a few minutes, and then we went on with our day. Saw him in passing throughout the weekend, never really spent and extended amount of time together, but again, he tried to make sure we were coming to the meet in greet. This year, it was a private one you needed a higher level ticket for, one I didn’t buy. He swore it would be fine, just tell the people at the door and they would let us in without a ticket. I’m not that brave, and I wasn’t trying to create an issue, so we just waited outside the door until it let out and trying to grab him as he left. We caught him as he came out, talked for a quick minute, then the whole “well I gotta leave, so let me give you a kiss bye” thing happened. I thought he meant on the cheek like before, as did my friends who were frankly shocked as hell as I was. But he did ask if it was ok, and I thought he meant on the cheek, so I agreed. He kissed me on the lips, then kissed my sister, and gave both of us his phone number on a slip of paper (he had already prepared with a freaking little red heart next to it) and ran off. So like I said, we were all in a little bit of shock.

From there, we started texting pretty regularly, as did my sister. It was pretty innocent at first, and then started to get more mature in nature. I don’t know if it was the same for my sister but I can make an educated guess that it did. He would say stuff to me that if we lived closer he would be really interested in dating, or dates he would like to take me on if I was in San Diego. He didn’t go straight into the inappropriate stuff, he kind of eased into it, and really made me think he was actually interested in me as a person, would do stuff like text me good morning and good night almost every day for a long while. Clearly that wasn’t the case though.

He continued to talk to both of us, add us both on steam, co-op games with us, send us selfies, everything like that. There was pretty much always enough communication to feel like I could call him a friend, even when disregarding the texts that where more sexual in nature.

We saw him at several more events across the country. I’m smart enough to say that I never traveled to a convention or show just to see him, they were parts of trips I planned with friends or trips that had other reasons for us to be in that area, so I don’t regret any trips where I ended up seeing him. Everything sort of came to a head when we where out in California so my sister could look at a school out there and we saw one of their shows that was at the same time we were out there. Of course I had told him we were gonna be there, and he knew what hotel we where staying at and asked to come hang out with us for a while after they had their sound check the night before. He ended up coming over later than planned because they went to dinner with the people from the venue, and then he didn’t end up staying long, because long story short, we told him he didn’t get to sleep with both of us, that that is not how this works.

Things went downhill from there, but that is not to say he didn’t try that again. He still was asking for pictures, and was starting to put in less effort, texting less, responding less than he had been before. The next SPWF he tried a different tactic, figuring he would get what he wanted if he got us to come to his hotel room we might actually agree, and we still both said no. This time he didn’t take it nearly as well, we actually were staying at the con hotel this time, and didn’t see him any time other than shows or soundchecks. He literally told us he wasn’t leaving his room unless he had to, he started acting like a pouting child. After the convention, he really stopped texting as much, and then started removing both of us from friends lists on any thing he had any of us on. It became extremely apparent that he was only interested in having sex with twins and when he didn’t get what he wanted he didn’t care at all about either of us, even as friends. The last time I texted him was May 20, 2015, only 4 days after SPWF.

Looking back I realize now how manipulative he is. This story doesn’t paint myself or my sister in the best light but I prefer to put my stupidity out there for people to see if it means warning someone else off to make sure that they don’t make mistakes like I did. Everything since has worked out for the best since, my sister is now engaged and I’ve been in a relationship for almost 2 years now, neither of us have any animosity for each other, only for him because we realize what he was trying to do. 

If you are interacting with this man please realize what he says to you may not be true and don’t let him talk you into anything you are uncomfortable with. I fully believe that he has pulled off the internet because he knows hes been doing this enough its going to catch up with him. Don’t let this man sweet talk you and make you think you mean something to him, please realize there is a pattern.

Thank you, Anon, for sending this to us. We are extremely appreciative that you are willing to be so open and honest about what happened to you and your sister. I personally would also like to say that if consent is acquired by means of deception, as in this case, it does not count as consent - you and your sister both were under the impression that he was asking to kiss you on the cheek, and he likely knew that. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this sort of bait-and-switch behavior coming from him.

I would also like to thank Anon Z who sent us this video of the incident being referred to in this submission. Just to clarify, we have received permission to post this video from Anon Z and the Anon who sent us this submission.

- Mod X

[fasa-umich]

One Last Time... Kaitlyn Barron & Izzy Poquiz, 2019-2020 FASA Co-Cultural Chairs

The end is here

Kaitlyn: So, I guess we’ve reached the end…

Izzy: Looks like it :,). It seems like just yesterday we were scrambling to plan fall semster’s events, let alone PCN. How did we pull everything off?

Kaitlyn: I honestly have no clue lol. As you continue down Izzy and I’s brain dump, laugh, cry, take note, and cringe at our escapades from a year we will never forget.

^AHAHAHAHA Dank.

EPISODE I

THE CULTURAL CHAIRS AWAKEN

Tinikling on the Diag… Adobo Night….PCN...Lumpia Night… oh my! Cultural Chair may seem like a lot, because it truly is. However, it is a role like no other. With your Co-Chair (who may become your new best friend) it’s you against the world in spreading the Kultura!

^One of our proudest accomplishments

On paper you’re tasked with putting on 3 cultural events each semester, with a specific emphasis on Philippine Cultural Night. This entails facilitating PCN Committee meetings, staying in contact with venue staff, developing programming, finding a speaker, picking a theme, creating and printing programs, working closely with the Performance Chair(s), ensuring we have the right amount of funding, overseeing decorations, picking a menu

Kaitlyn: We may be overwhelming them!

Izzy: Touche. Let’s break it down to the necessities:

EPISODE II

THE RISE OF THE KULTURA: CULTURAL CHAIR TOP TIPS

1. YOUR CULTURE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT

a. We both are by no means experts on Filipinx / Filipinx-American culture! We have certainly become well-versed in researching, fact-checking, being open to learning, and seeking out ways to represent diverse identities.

b. YOU define your identity, and you are in a position where you can help others explore what Filipinx / Filipinx-American culture means to THEM. This is exactly what makes Cultural Chair so difficult... and so worth it.

2. PLAN AHEAD

a. Trust us, PCN is a huge event to wrap your head around and making sure you get work done before you return to school is so very important. Plus you have all summer to talk about  your ideas, which is fun with school not in the way!

b. Organization is the name of the game. Out of all the handy-dandy resume skills to have, effective organizational skills and time management is KEY.

c. By no means do you have to be a master planner, but planning an event as big as PCN while delivering on your responsibilities as a board member and student is no small feat. Know yourself. Know your limits, Most importantly, know when to ask for help!

3. TRUST YOUR CO AND TRUST YOUR BOARD

a. #THETEAM THETEAM THETEAM

b. #What team? WILDCATS

c. Your Co and fellow Boardies are your greatest support system. They are there for you when you want to cry or yell at something (a point that you almost certainly will reach), they always got your back. When you’re having a particularly busy time academically, ask for some help. Utilize this resource wisely!

4. REMEMBER TO HAVE FUN

a. It can be hard sometimes to find some humor and fun when you have to deal with logistics, event planning, or serious discussions. But remember that you ran for this position to make a difference in FASA and to get people engaged with this culture we love so much. Take a break and crack a joke, it really helps when the PCN budget looms in your face.

b. Your time on board moves fast. Like crazy fast. Despite all the past testimonials and boardies saying the same exact thing, it still surprises us how quickly our time as Culturals has come to its end. Cherish every moment and use your time efficiently and effectively.

^So fresh and so clean

Izzy: Speaking of fun, Kaitlyn and I DEFINITELY had our fair share of dank dynamic duo moments… All the stressful and unsavory moments that come with being cultural pale in comparison thanks to Kaitlyn and I’s ride-or-die support we have for each other. When I felt outside pressure, it was easy to eventually push through because I always knew Kaitlyn would be fighting in my corner alongside me.

^CULTURALS UNITE

Kaitlyn: Full disclosure: PCN planning starts as soon as you are elected, so yes March is already go-time. So naturally, Izzy and worked together much over the summer (sometimes twice a week on end), but as we were on opposite sides of the country, FaceTime became our best friend. 6:30 am was probably the earliest I woke up for a call (the time difference is something else), but not once did either of us complain. Those meetings were where we tossed around event ideas, speaker options, and found Pamana our chosen PCN theme. We would hash out the nitty gritties of PCN and go off on tangents about Game of Thrones. I will miss those early mornings and late night calls.

EPISODE III

THE CO-CHAIRS STRIKE BACK

Your greatest friend or worst enemy?

Hahaha jk jk …...UNLESS?!

Cultural Chair is a role that we would say is pretty near impossible to do alone. Nor would this role be as fun and rewarding if you were alone. Your co is there to be your greatest supporter, picking you up when you feel like the world is ending. Whenever one of us had a rough week, the other would take on more to make sure the job got done. When you’re bouncing ideas for PCN it helps to have someone else there to workshop and discuss your grandest and craziest of ideas (cough cough storyline PCN cough cough). When you are running an event like Lumpia Night it helps to have someone to direct the night’s events and interact with members, or escape to cook lumpia for 30 minutes cause you’re overwhelmed by all the people talking (lol), your co has got your back. Even more than the role, we were there for each other as friends, there to cheer up on an off day or “study” for hours on end. This year wouldn’t have been possible without the dream team.

^Young and Naive

Izzy: Before we say our final goodbyes as Culturals, let’s share a little bit about how we got to FASA in the first place.

I’ve come to realize that FASA has been in the back of my mind ever since I attended PCN waaaay back when my Ate Melissa was organizing it. I, a tiny four-year-old, was just there for the ride. Little did I know that FASA would fill the cultural deficit that was missing from growing up in my white washed, small(ish) town. Once I was on campus, my desire to join and immerse myself in FASA was pretty intense. I stalked all the social media, flipped through the old FASA albums, and wondered if FASA would actually live up to my increasingly high expectations. In time, I would meet my fellow former freshman and build friendships that I’m endlessly thankful for. I’d also run for board and even win alongside the GOAT, Kaitlyn Barron herself.

^How could you not love this person

Kaitlyn: I remember going FestiFall freshman year and instantly spotting the Filipino flag waving around high in the air. I ran to it and haven’t looked back from it since. 

Growing up in an Irish-Filipino American household, I was often at odds with where I landed. I was too white to be Asian and too Asian to be white. Even with the bountiful diversity of my Southern Californian upbringing, I did not appreciate my Filipino heritage fully. Once I came here, separated from my family and all I knew, I clung to the anchor that was my mom’s culture, claiming it as my own and one that I would be willing to fight for. I grew to realize that I am Filipino enough, not because I knew the entire history of the Philippines, but because of the love I held for this culture I have grown cherish.

EPISODE IV

A NEW PAMANA

Izzy: Our love for Filipinx American culture and will to claim it as our own have been the driving force behind our time as Cultural Chairs. We worked tirelessly, meticulously, and passionately to create an environment that supported all of you to feel the same pride to be a member of our community.

We hope that Tinik on the Diag got you excited for a packed year of the FASA Performance we’ve all come to know and love (shoutout to Bea, the honorary third Cultural Chair). We hope that Adobo Night and Lumpia Night gave you a little taste of home when you were feeling a bit homesick. We hope the cultural workshops that we’ve put on helped you to think critically about important topics that affect our community. We hope PCN inspired you to look back at the rich legacy behind us and look forward to the vibrant new Pamana that you help create each day. 

Kaitlyn: I can fully say this has been one of the best years of my life, and I credit much of it to FASA. Leaving home was scary, but coming here to Michigan I found my new home in FASA. I’m going to leave all the thank yous to Izzy, but to her I have many thanks:

Izzy, You helped this shy lil bean find her place far away from all I knew. From long nights throwing ideas at our iconic google docs, to supporting me whenever I didn’t feel Filipino enough for this role, and of course all the times we got distracted and just watched YouTube videos and GoT reruns. I will forever be grateful for your friendship and love. I’m the lucky one who had the privilege to call you my co. 

Izzy: Maraming maraming salamat sa inyong lahat. 

To all of you still reading this, thank you for allowing Kaitlyn and I to have our Academy Award speech moment. We’ve been feeling a lil sentimental <3

To FASA, thank you for giving us the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to grow and learn about ourselves, our culture, and our community. Thank you for letting us share a little of ourselves with you this year. 

To our future Kultura Chairs, You’ll do great, you’re doing great, you’ve done great. Cultural Chair requires a certain level of comfort with being uncomfy, and confidence when it seems the odds are against you. You have Kaitlyn and I’s support, and if you need us we’re only a text away!

To my fellow boardies, our board was undeniably special. I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with a group of individuals so diverse in leadership style who still always made sure there was respect and understanding for each other. I'm proud to say we’re living proof that a successful working relationship is possible with your friends. I already miss y’all so much. 

To Matt and AJ, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, (but mostly the best of times :,) ). Thank you for giving us the room to let our creativity truly shine and the guidance to keep things on track. I would say I’ll miss all the assheadery, but I have a feeling that’s not going to end any time soon. 

And to Kaitlyn, there are LITERALLY no words that can convey how lucky I feel that we were brought together to do this job. Thanks to you, I learned so much about how to stand up for my beliefs and how to become a more empowered individual. Love you lots, co. 

SINCERELY YOURS IN CULTURE,

Kaitlyn and Izzy

[rex-sidereus]

@treeofmana i dug through my notes, and this was like - mostly to articulate stuff for myself. but here ya go.

why assassin’s creed is brilliant as a franchise. 

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the fuck is ubisoft’s deal – why are they so uneven. why can I beat george washington into a bloody pulp as a native american character, and at the same time the mother of the said character is violently an unnecessarily killed for the purpose of his backstory. And then I realized that they are just dumb – like, very dumb. because capitalism is dumb.

like, we had family friends who would breed those samoyed dogs, which look like barking floof clouds. and those dogs are not really intelligent. apparently one would walk around and just randomly eat entire sticks of wood during its walks until it ruptured its stomach and died. and that’s how dumb ubisoft is – it is a gorgeous floof cloud of entertainment going from one potential source of profit to another and keep doing the thing that works until they eat the wrong stick and it backfires in spectacular fashion (ac unity).

but with ac they did tap into a thing so good it is nearly impossible to sink ( even gods fucking know they try, shooting themselves in the foot out of a machine gun) – because the urban environment & the way you interact with it become extremely important, and only in only a way that video games can provide - because the very mechanics that the game offers you, the way it is built goes directly into the layout of the space and your relationship with it.

my basic pitch is that ac is amazing in how it ties together the radically individual experience of a very developed world and complicated narratology/ideology (kinda same thing when we’re talking about texts).

ac relies on a functional urban environment ( the formula breaks in black flag – but in a very satisfying/unsettling way, I’d argue). It is essential because it in itself serves as an instrument to weight the protagonist against the society. each of the ac games is either an archetypical hero’s story or a careful play on it that my jaws hurt – rejection from the society, katabasis, initiation, return to the said society with a coherent mission, yet always separated with the veil of knowledge. run boy run the world wasn’t meant for you + a soldier on my own, etc. you can move really fast and really effective through an urban space, can scale nearly everything, can drop nearly every chase, blend into the crowds effortlessly - use the city itself as your weapon, yourself a weapon of the people, a tool of zeitgeist that gives a final push. because “nothing is true, everything is permitted” - as a philosophy of positive nihilism, taking your own agency & responsibility. it’s honestly boderline anarchic in it’s approach + method.

[my favourite intellectual stretch to go unto is that ac unwillingly follows the development of the atlantic republican thought – xii century renaissance + near east / Italian renaissance / republic of pirates / seven years war / amrev / frenchrev / industrial rev uk – and the games do better or worse depending on the extent that they are willing to engage with the topics of individual vs social agency + responsibility; and the gameplay, environment, and the narrative are really hard to separate in this case].

all of ac’s protagonists carry extreme individualism which comes with the mobility and power of a killer, and follow quite the archetypical narrative of a hero turned into a weapon by destiny, an armed prophet. and for them to be coherent as such, the environment needs to be distinct, thought through, dynamic, and responsive enough to highlight that ‘self’/‘outside of self’ distinction.

on the level of ideology, you are installed directly into the political discourse, because you are actually making history, and the big name figures are your friends/ allies / lovers / enemies / people you can’t save. the whole conspiracy theory thing is just so gorgeously unrepentant, and the double unreliable narrator & narrative within a narrative thing are all buffers towards the lack of historical accuracy - but beyond the obvious separation of sides, they mostly do a shockingly good job. and for me it feels like embracing the inherit absurdity of trying to conceptualize and bring sense into the past, and taking it to the outmost. it is also reclaiming the history from academic pedantry and to something one can be playful with, to something driven by emotions.

and ac also marries history & scifi in a terrific way, that honestly bends and expands both genres as they should be. I honestly don’t think anything could compare to getting into a fist fight with alexander vi in the middle of an alien vault. It is absolutely not believable, but believable should be left at the door when you’d think you grab unto the ledges as protagonists do.

there are two meta-narratives in place besides the main historical one. the greater one of the precursor race + their artifacts, and a more local one of a person entering the animus. [insert all the narratology I don’t have the training to articulate]. their limitations and virtues of the protagonists are so gorgeously framed by the narrative, because in a story of that scale they are rather actors, not heroes - there is no falling into the ‘hero’s shining and morally unchallenged presence solves all problems’ at all. it is complicated and problematic, and different narrative levels interact call each other out constantly.

the story of the historical protagonist is viewed by the modern day protagonist, and both impact each other and the greater precursor narrative – and all feed into the collective experience of a player.  and what saves it from a self-imploding mess is that those stories are deeply internalized through the protagonists with their radical individualism granted by them through the use of space. ac is able to survive a narrative mess because a sense of character self and an experience of the space in the games is so strong.

so, overall, ac binds the urban and the political through eyes of one person, writing a history and an experience of a individual, is fundamentally irreverent to canon and propriety, and expands the genre bounds - all while being ridiculously, ridiculously fun and beautiful.

[fighterxaos]

WHELP! Here we are at the review for Saban’s Power Rangers. However, before we go to the end result, and my thoughts on the film let us look back at how we got here. It was around 2014, when Lionsgate responsible for Twilight (Blegh) and Hunger Games (Ok), announced that they acquired the rights to make a Power Rangers film. Considering that we had two Power Rangers movies before this, the first an alternate take on the opening events of Season 3 was a success and the Turbo movie which was canon was not good, fans around the world were skeptical with Lionsgate for attempting this.

  When the first casting reports came in we only knew who would play Kimberly, Naomi Scott. However, in the weeks to months follow we would discover Dacre Montgomery would be Jason, Ludi Lin as Zack, RJ Cycler as Billy, and Becky Gomez as Trini, thus completing the team. Around that time, Hunger Games star Elizabeth Banks was cast to play the “Wicked One” herself Rita Repulsa. Whereas, Bryan Cranston’s casting as Zordon did not happen until much MUCH later, and not even the other cast members knew Cranston was cast as Zordon until the Comic-Con announcement.

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Then on October 8th 2016, the first teaser was released with very mixed signals. Several fans thought that the film would go down the route of the “BayFormers/ Chronicle” by being grim-and-dark. That conception would THANKFULLY change with the second trailer on January 19th 2017. One thing that fans did criticize was that alongside the trailer releases, Lionsgate would reveal info via the toyline rather than through more official channels. Now, I did not hate that route, because I am burnt out by MMPR in general. However, I am about to tick off a lot of MMPR loyalists, but… I AM BURNED THE HELL OUT ON THE CLASSIC MMPR! The main reason why I can enjoy the comics from Boom! Studios and Lionsgate film is because they are doing new things with the property.

  Lionsgate is keeping the series grounded, and is re-inventing the classic characters for a new generation of fans. Old and current fans seem to scoff at this a lot, with comments like “This is a remake of something from my childhood, it is going to suck!”, “If this movie isn’t EXACTLY like the show, it will bomb!”, and of course, “Will the original cast make cameos?” If one cannot figure it out, I am just shaking my head at these comments. Now, I have lived through Power Rangers’ good times and its dark days. Yet, out of all 21 seasons, as I do not count the SUPER seasons as separate seasons, I have only hated two seasons. These seasons were of course Power Rangers Operation Overdrive and Megaforce, so if anything, I can live through this movie “not being the same as the 1990’s”. Now, with that said let see if Saban’s Power Rangers can deliver a new experience that fans of the franchise can enjoy!

SPOILER WARNING IN EFFECT!!!

Our story begins in the Cenozoic Era, as the Red Ranger is crawling out of a gravel-laden battlefield. The Yellow Ranger removes her Power Coin, and gives it to the Red Ranger before she dies. The Red Ranger can only say to her, “I’m sorry”. We then discover the Red Ranger is Zordon, as he de-morphs and hides the Power Coins of the other fallen Rangers, except for one of them. The Green Ranger, appears who is none other than Rita Repulsa (yeah called it!), and she does not wear the Dragon Shield. Now, before Rita manages to defeat Zordon he radios Alpha-5 to direct a large meteor toward the Earth to act like a tactical nuke. The plan is successful, stopping Rita, as well as killing Zordon. Honestly this feels a little bit like Dino Charge, with Keeper’s crash-landing on the planet…

  Fast-forward to the present day, where Jason is assisting in a prank where the one guy thought he was milking a cow, but Jason reminds him that the cow was a BULL. Oops. Most fans groaned at this, but at least Jason was not doing the “milking” like one other review exclaimed. Jason, and friends get caught and attempt to get away, however Jason crashes his truck. In the crash, he breaks his leg, gets caught and takes the blame for everything. Jason seemingly has a good heart, but it is not in the right place yet. He is then placed under house arrest, kicked off the football team, loses his scholarship, and forced to go to detention. At detention, we then meet Kimberly, and Billy. Kim is there for an unknown reason, but is later revealed to be the reason why she has been ostracized by her former friends. Kim sent out revealing photos of student, and it was a big screw-up. A lot of people call her out for it, but to be honest teenagers do stupid crap and it is an incident that reflects reality. Whereas, Billy is in detention for sort of making a bomb. He loves to tinker with things, and it sometimes results with the items exploding. Billy is also bullied a lot due to the fact he is autistic.

Now, Jason and Billy quickly become friends after Jason stands up for him. To show his gratitude Billy offers to reprogram the Jason house-arrest anklet for him. At first, Jason passes on the idea however takes the offer, but he also needs to help Billy with a favor. The two head out to the quarry where Billy has been investigating the area, being the son of an archaeologist. There they come across Kim, as well as Trini and Zack while Billy sets off a charge. From the blast the group discovers the Power Coins, as security arrives. They make an escape in Billy’s family van, but crash into an on-coming train. They manage to survive due to the powers within the Power Coins, however the power resonating reactivates Rita’s reviving her recovered corpse. Upon her revival, Rita sets forth murder anyone who stands in her way. Rita’s ultimate plan is to obtain as much gold as she can to restore Goldar, and reclaim the Zeo Crystal!

  The next day, the gang discovers they are all completely healed, especially Jason’s busted leg. Then within the following hours discover the powers they have acquired. They all decide it is best to head back to quarry and see if they can find an answer. There they accidentally found an underground cavern, which leads them to the Command Center. Now, it the film the place is never by either of its original names, but just bear with me as I still call it the Power Chamber. The Rangers first encounter Alpha-5 before meeting with Zordon, like their originators and just like the original only Jason is willing to hear out Zordon’s pleas for help. Jason manages to convince the others to join the Zordon, learning they only have 11 days to stop Rita. The following morning the team begins their training, and learn the rules of being a Ranger. One thing that stands out it that to be able to morph the group needs to be synchronized with one another.

They make a few attempts early on to morph, but are unsuccessful. Alpha-5 then steps in to begin teaching them basic combat skills needed to fight Rita’s minions, the Putties. After a montage in how they become skilled fighters, the team is still able to morph. Alpha-5 steps in again thinking that maybe if the Rangers see the Zords that it will inspire them. Alpha-5 also explains that the Zords represent Dinosaurs because at the time they were strongest species on the planet. The explanation however raises the question; would the Dragon Zord or Thunder Zords be based on alien lifeforms that are equivalent to mythical creatures?… Anyways, Zack swipes the Mastodon for a joyride, but almost kills the Rangers in the process. Yet, it goes with his rebellious ways, as well as WHO WOULD NOT WANT TO TAKE A ZORD OUT FOR A JOYRIDE?

  Never the less Zack’s stunt leads to fight with Jason. Billy goes into break up the fight, and in doing so it unlocks his ability to morph, just briefly though. My guess was he unintentional wills himself to morph, due towards the feelings of having friends. Later that night, they host a traditional campfire discuss dealing with their problems. Trini returns home, and she is ambushed by Rita who demands to know where the Zeo Crystal! Yeah, the Zeo Crystal is in the film, and it is shown to be a massive collection of gems that hold an immense power, McGuffin Level! Trini though does not know of its location, so Rita attempts to persuade her to join her in her quest before leaving. Now earlier during training, Jason overhears Zordon and Alpha discussing that once the Rangers can morph, he can revive himself. Jason is quickly pissed with Zordon, and engages him in an argument. Zordon tries to explain that the Rangers will need him in the battles to come, but Jason realizes he is just as scared as everyone else. He then chooses to keep the this a secret, until Trini mentions she has been in contact with Rita. From this they devise that now could be the time to defeat Rita, while she is still weak.

They go to set-up and engage Rita, but she still vastly overpowers the Rangers. The choreography in this scene is great in my opinion. Rita uses her power to tie-up the Rangers, and claims that she will not kill them if they tell her where the Zeo Crystal is. At first the Rangers, hold back the information, but after she tortures Zack, Billy reveals the location. The Zeo Crystal is hidden beneath a Krispy Kreme, of all damn things! Rita then thanks Billy, but her gratitude is shown by drowning Billy and forcing the others to watch. The team recovers Billy’s body and takes him back to Zordon in the hopes he can do something. Initially Zordon says there is nothing he can, but this emotionally unites the team allowing them to morph. Alpha exclaims to Zordon it is time for him to finally return, and he vanishes for mere seconds. However, he returns to the ship having used that time to revive Billy from the dead. The team finally undergoes their morph, and visuals are purely stunning! I honestly enjoy these Guyver-esque bio-organic armors, as well as the added voice modulation system. I also personally like how the suits are both physical ones that are accented by CG like how Marvel does it for their heroes.

  Exiting the Command Center the Rangers encounter a hoard of Putties. Jason manages to pulling out the Power Sword to even the odds. Yet, even then there is still too many of them. Zack’s response is go get his Mastodon to mow down all the Putties. Everyone else follows his lead, and race off to Angel Grove to stop Goldar.  While the Rangers race to the city, the fans are met with a homage to the original sequence accompanied by “Go Go Power Rangers”. However, it is not the new orchestral version, but the original from the 1995 movie, which I found as interesting nod to the original film too. Once entering the city, Rita summons forth another group of Putties to fight the Zords. I personally love the bit where the T-Rex Zord throws a yellow and black racing-striped Camaro with Jason exclaiming, “Sorry, BumbleBee!” I must admit, I laughed my ass off at that! In the battle, Putties causes Jason’s dad to crash his truck, as he was looking for him. Jason jumps out of his Zord to save his dad, but remembers to hide his identity in the process. The rangers manage to hurt Rita which collapses the Putties. It is here where Goldar shows a sign of sentience, going to rescue and heal Rita. The Rangers then attempt to hold a line separating her from the Zeo Crystal. The team blasts Goldar with everything the Zords have. The Zords must run on laser logic because they do not seem to run out of ammo. Goldar crushes the Pterodactyl, sets the Zords ablaze, and sends them into the pit with Zeo Crystal. While the team falls to their death, Billy thanks the team for being his friends as they are engulfed in an explosion.

Yeah Rita, ABOUT THAT… Apparently, the explosion and the team’s unity resonates with the Zeo Crystal allowing the Zords to combine! Thus, the Megazord is formed. Now, I have come to like the design, and the fact each Ranger has their own cockpit. The only thing I do not like is that the battle with Goldar is short. Yet, it has a defining moment where the Megazord hits Goldar with a freaking German Suplex. Instantaneously the scene made me want to cry out “SUPLEX CITY, BITCH!” The Megazord eventually uses the Pterodactyl’s wings as swords, to finish off Goldar. The Rangers then attempt to tell Rita to stand down, and turn over her staff housing the final Power Coin. Rita goes crazy with the whole “I KNOW I AM WORTHY!” line. In that fit of rage, Rita lunges towards the Megazord, but Trini bitch-smacks Rita into space as if she is Team Rocket. The Rangers stand triumphant, with bystanders looking on in awe. Among the people in the crowd are cameos by Amy Jo Johnson, and Jason David Frank.

  The city starts to rebuild after Rita’s attack and Jason returns to the Power Chamber. He returns the Power Sword and Zordon questions why being worthy of the sword. Jason merely replies that he will back for it one day. Jason heads to class meeting up with Kim, and Billy where they pass him a note of the iconic lightning bolt with their colors in it. Meanwhile Trini is home fixing her room, as her brothers talk to her about the Rangers. When Trini mentions the Yellow Ranger, they tell her “He was awesome too!” Trini then replies, “How do you know it’s a boy?” which I felt was a jab at the original issue with Zyuranger’s adaptation as MMPR. There is then a mid-credit scene where the teacher calls for the new student, Tommy Oliver, who is missing from the room. THANK FREAKING CHRIST, the scene does not reveal Tommy, and leaves the reveal for the sequel!

My Thoughts & Final Analysis:

Now, that was Saban’s Power Rangers and I found it to be utterly AMAZING! The fact that we have a backstory on Rita, and Zordon makes this better than the original show. The way it was portrayed makes more sense than the typical good vs. evil plot. Elizabeth Banks KILLS IT as Rita in this movie. She has the crazy down pat, and she can “ham” it up just as much as the original Rita could. Then as for Alpha-5, the character was much like the original out of the way, supportive, and comedic. Bill Hader is a wonderful Alpha-5 too, as he has that sass I enjoy in characters. Hader’s portrayal really reminds me of the corrupted Alpha from “The Wedding” multi-parter. However, the movie DOES drag a bit during the development of the Rangers, but it is reasonable. Fans coming out of the film argued it took much time, and that there was not enough of the suits or “cheesiness”. Yet, I argue the Rangers need to be built up to be a team, and earn powers. Furthermore, if the development occurs after they get the suits, the characters might easily become afterthoughts.

RJ Cyler – Billy/Blue

I gravitate towards Billy the most in this movie since I have Asperger’s Syndrome, and RJ Cyler portrays the symptoms accurately. I feel like Zack and Trini fell by the wayside, and not as used as much as the others. However, during the campfire scene when the gang opens up to one another, is where Trini’s development stands out! Trini’s body-language as Zack jokes about her intimate relations tells the audience everything on she has not entirely able come to terms with the fact that she is gay; or she simply just does not have the confidence to be more open on the subject. Never the less, the whole scene speaks volumes and is another relatable struggle with the teens/ people of today.

  The film also has a ton of Easter Eggs, so one might need to have eagle eyes to catch them all in one viewing. I am serious, trust me, there is a lot of them! However, I will not say what they are because see them is more entertaining. Plus, the film deserves multiple viewings. The movie is a TON of fun, and I cannot wait to see what they do with other past villains. Maybe we can get out of these sequels a new Ivan Ooze? Anyways, I am Zeltrax Millennuim and I hope for those reading this review that it was either on par with those who like the film, or convincing people who have not seen it to check it out!

Final Verdict: 9.5 out of 10

Millennium’s Mind: Saban’s POWER RANGERS Review

WHELP! Here we are at the review for Saban’s Power Rangers. However, before we go to the end result, and my thoughts on the film let us look back at how we got here.

Millennium’s Mind: Saban’s POWER RANGERS Review WHELP! Here we are at the review for Saban's Power Rangers. However, before we go to the end result, and my thoughts on the film let us look back at how we got here.

[prixmiumarchive]

So, Shadowhunters is good, then? I've thought about watching it but have also thought that it looked like it was kind of over dramatic.

***VERY PERSONAL SHADOWHUNTERS DISCOURSE TO FOLLOW***

Cut for length and to avoid annoying people.

My tl;dr answer is: yes, with caveats, a lot of baggage, and a “it is a Freeform show” disclaimer. So, good music, pretty people, pretty lighting, engaging character chemistry… All there. Melodramatic? Maybe, but really, what were you signing up for?

I got into Shadowhunters because my friend @thethirteenthhouse showed me an episode, and I’m still only like five episodes in with her? I enjoy it, though. At the time that she first showed it to me, I hadn’t really made the full connection that it was another attempt at making a film adaptation of The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Cla(i)re.

I realized pretty quickly, though, because they resolve the City of Bones stuff pretty quickly, which was the name of the first TMI book which I had been very, very dimly aware of in high school I guess. I had been put off TMI and Cassandra Cla(i)re (hereafter CC) not by its own content but because of the controversy surrounding CC’s presence in Harry Potter fandom.

I have only recently started to work my way through the Harry Potter series. My parents are not really ax-crazy conservatives, but they occasionally listen to said breed of conservatives, so when I was in the Harry Potter generation, I was denied access to Harry Potter because my parents didn’t want me opening my mind to Dark Magic or something. I mean, we can get into that, but it’s really another story, and I love my parents, and they’re very not-bad-as-parents-go-if-you’re-anything-but-a-heterosexual-vanilla-delight-of-a-human. Anyway, so, Harry Potter is pretty new to me as a person, though I did go through my childhood with a kind of indirect exposure to it. I just didn’t really get to delve in? My parents let up on most of those such edicts after a while, and I did read a few (the first three?) Harry Potter books when I was really into reading in high school. However, I wasn’t really engaging with anyone about it, because I was kind of embarrassed that I was so ‘behind’ compared to my peers who had basically learned to read on Harry Potter. Then, I got sucked into PJO (the first few books of that).

But even though I, personally, was not a Potter kid, my childhood best friend definitely was. She and I had overlapping interests and diverging interests, and she LOVED Harry Potter with no parental chagrin. We used to sit side by side on an office chair and scroll through fansites related to things we liked (GeoCities! Angelfire! Wow.) and eventually got turned onto fanfiction.net as being a thing and other, more restrictive and selective and focused groups and fic archives that existed in the days of yore.

I’m explaining all of that to say that I was actually aware of the Draco Trilogy before all of it was published and when it was popular without a real whiff of controversy having been brought to anyone’s (or at least my childhood best friend’s) attention. If you don’t know about the whole Draco Trilogy mess and want me to do a short fact-finding mission, send me another ask, but I’ll wait in interest of expediency. TVtropes and fanlore websites both have links and information if you just search for “the Draco Trilogy.”

I read excerpts of the Draco Trilogy that had particularly pithy dialogue, funny, or sexy overtones that my childhood best friend wanted to share. I also seem to think that we read a fair bit of Draco/Hermione fic in this manner, which I do not know if CC ever wrote but which I bring up because I was sorely disappointed to find out that Draco/Hermione dynamic that I imagined based on these fics (inspired, in part, by a certain fanon-hopeful interpretation of Draco popularized, at least, if not completely and solely originated by CC) was totally not what I got the impression of as an undercurrent from the films. Basically, the fact that Draco was not as CC imagined him which I had developed a conception of through being-in-internet-fandom-if-not-very-into-Harry-Potter was a major disappointment and probably one of the reasons that HP was not high up on my list of Things To Make Happen when my teenage rebellious ingenuity was at its fullest swing to read Parentally Discouraged Books. And, you see, THAT IS THE THING about CC, The Mortal Instruments, why I kind of like Shadowhunters, and why I will probably never stomach delving further behind the curtain than the Shadowhunters TV series itself, though I know there are loads of people who have done so in ignorance/innocence.

This is a serious case of “I can enjoy a thing while being super-critical of, like, everything about it on a meta level.”

Co-opting some descriptive terms from things I’ve read about the Draco Trilogy, a short summary of its impact on its fandom at the time was, apparently, that it was a fanfiction of such phenomenon that some people began to prefer the Draco Trilogy to the direction canon itself was going. And, as fanfiction power goes, that is like the Holy Grail. It is the Goal when canon is in any way disappointing you and your fellow fans. It’s incredible, it’s impressive, and I’m still sitting here impressed that no matter what hellfire CC has had rained down upon her that there was something in her work that resonated with people to a point that there are many willing to forgive unrepentant and repeated acts of plagiarism and bullying in order to resolve the cognitive dissonance of really loving something that was written by and born from a generally jerkish person.

I say that, consciously, as a person who accepts Moffat Who for the most part in spite of all of the Discourse in that direction, too.

The issue with CC’s Draco Triology was certainly not its plotting, its craftsmanship (in terms of its parts making a whole), its characterization, or anything else that would make it a bad fic. I have yet to revisit the texts, though I have procured them as a funny and fanlore matter of interest for my Harry Potter reading log blog @100privetdrive (which tumblr doesn’t wanna link right now), as someone who knows the controversy, and I never read them in full, but I am led to believe that there are many fans who would still like to revisit the texts but feel bad about doing so because they are tainted with plagiarism and a lot of ugliness that followed. CC’s dedication to her work certainly led her to produce a completed trilogy of interconnected longfics, not to mention her one-shots that she produced for the Harry Potter fandom during her stay. Most of them have vanished into the realm of myth when she retreated from fandom life upon getting her book deal (and upon ducking away from those who were out with pitchforks in the fandom at the time), but the Draco Trilogy was of such renown that it has (for now) escaped permanent erasure from record in spite of CC’s attempts.

What I’m telling you is that people like(d) the Draco Trilogy.

CC’s characterizations of the Harry Potter cast were not necessarily consistent with canon, but they were consistent within what she imagined at the time could be or wished was. It is certainly not the case that her fanfiction and the story she quilted together was devoid of original thought or emotional investment in her characters and what she was writing. The problem was, someone discovered that she was essentially lifting word-for-word passages from some quality-but-then-out-of-print fantasy books for sizeable portions of plot-heavy parts of her story, in addition to much of her pithy, interesting dialogue being straight-lifted from popular television of the time such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Honestly, for the latter, few people would call her out for that. She did credit that she borrowed some dialogue from shows she liked, and when trying to defend herself against accusations of plagiarism, she mentioned a kind of in-joke, intertextual referential humor she shared with her fandom friends. Basically, she was doing the same thing as all those incorrect[series]quotes tumblrs that are pretty popular right now, and she did admit it. The issue was what she would not admit when someone found her out and the bullying and war and response that followed.

There is far better documentation on this situation than I can give you, because the entire thing about this drama is interesting hearsay for my part. Again, if you ask, I’ll go on a brief fishing expedition for you, but it will involve a series of search terms you could just as easily google yourself. If any of my recollection is fuzzy, it is because it is solely recollection of things I’ve read about and become aware of as a fandom resident for more-than-the-past-decade.

Getting back to Shadowhunters, the thing about it is, I never really wanted to like anything CC had anything to do with for a long time for all of these reasons. I didn’t really feel good about supporting someone who made the transition from fan-to-creator in a way that felt a lot like she didn’t care who she hurt in the process. I also felt, a little, like it was a betrayal of the spirit of transformative and fandom work to completely remove oneself from the process (by deleting as much as you could of your fandom contributions) when you achieved success. I know of a lot of active fandom writers who don’t do that if and when they become published. However, those people also don’t plagiarize their own work.

Again, this is a-thing-I-read-about because I have not read the Draco Trilogy in anything close to full or ANY of TMI series except screencaps of pages I’ve seen on tumblr. That said, Jace Wayland is CC’s Draco. Clary Fray is CC’s Ginny Weasley. Alec Lightwood is CC’s Harry Potter.

So here is my complicated relationship with kind of liking and getting into the Shadowhunters tv series at this particular juncture in time, space, and my personal history and observation of fandom: I think it is really cool when works influence and can relate to each other. TMI is a far better example of this than 50 Shades, no doubt. However, there is the load of baggage surrounding CC’s success, unapologetic or deflective attitude toward anything she ever does wrong, and so on. But, then again, Shadowhunters is based on her work. Another recent example that might be similar is the CW’s The 100.

The 100 is another show that I genuinely like-what-I-have-seen-of, though I’m behind the point when some people got mad and wrote it off. It is also based on a YA lit book of the same title. However, its similarities with the book diverge sharply after the first few episodes, and it, as an adaptation, is doing its own thing, unrepentantly. I have been told that Shadowhunters is also doing this, and I think that it is an aesthetically pleasing show. It also has interesting concepts at play in its worldbuilding which I will say to my mind are unique in spite of the myriad parallels to a darker-teenier-edgier Harry Potter that will never go away. I also appreciate that the Shadowhunters showrunners are said to care about how their representation of LGBT people plays. It is not an exclusively-white show. It has pretty music. I like the actors’ enthusiasm for the characters they play and the journeys they seem to be taking. I think parabatai is a pretty neat concept. It’s pretty standard as far as what runes themselves are, but the rune usage and tattoos are pretty cool.

There are a lot of things to like about this show. There are a lot of things about them that, without evidence, I am sure are the brain children of CC. I wish that I could just full on and without equivocation go “kudos” to someone who made such an incredible transformative leap from one fandom into her own worldbuilding. However, the divorce of Shadowhunters/TMI/pretty much any of CC’s work feels incomplete and disingenuous on a certain level, no matter how much I am simply enjoying a tv show with-my-criticisms. I feel that a denial of is direct relationship to fanfiction, fandom itself, Harry Potter, and CC’s own past is just an effort to flatten out cognitive dissonance that comes from liking-what-is-intriguing-about-it that simply doesn’t come that easily.

I am enjoying the show in part because it seems really interesting on some kind of fandom-sociological level. I also like it for all the good-things I mentioned above. I like it because my some of my friends love it with an untainted and genuine enthusiasm. However, I’ve got to say, that I actually find watching the Shadowhunters series with my friend feels non-icky in a way that pledging any kind of allegiance to CC’s little empire that actually benefited it in any way does not.

I enjoy Shadowhunters as, basically, the biggest budget AU fanfic I have ever seen, but I think that on some level it has its own soul, too. But I’d be a lot more willing to credit the cast and crew and the Harry Potter fandom of the early-00s with that than I would CC on her own.

[allpunkedupofficial]

There’s something to be said when a crowd is drowning in photographers– all poised on their toes, clicking away a cumulative of thousands of photos a second. Mik Everett once famously said “If a writer falls in love with you, you can never die.” The same can be said about any artist– paint, written, or photo. So, that’s the moment that I knew this band– The Stolen– had something special.

Rob playing at Sunnyvale on June 1st via Ali Fitzgerald, @alfitzpics

I spent two back-to-back nights with this band from Brooklyn, NY to Asbury Park, NJ. Each show seemed to radiate its respective energy and create its own quirky identity.

One theme remained clear, though: When I looked out over the crowd, I saw nothing, but people discovering a release and escape from their daily lives and problems.

So many people came looking for a break at their shows. In fact, The Stolen has a collection of fans who follow them from venue to venue.

“We appreciate it. They’re some of the best people ever,” says Dom, the band’s lead singer, about those fans who travel and spend countless dollars just to get to the next gig to support the band.

“It’s kinda cool,” says Kevin, the band’s bassist. “We’re building, like, this community.” Twitter and other social media platforms have brought together fans who then fly across the country for these show and to meet each other.

My mini two day tour following The Stolen gave me some insight:

Night One – Brooklyn, NY – Sunnyvale

What makes a good bar show has to be indifference. Musicians need to walk out on to that stage not caring about how many people show up… or if anyone shows up really. It has to be (and should always be) about the music.

Night one with The Stolen brought hollowness in numbers, but not with energy. The fans who were there truly showed up. With fewer fans around, however, I was able to see and recognize the music’s impact on each individual fan, watching their faces raw with emotion and devotion.

Dom engages with fans in the audience via Ali Fitzgerald, @alfitzpics

Nea, a fan of The Stolen, commented “The band itself, and them as individuals, love to interact with their fans. I honestly don’t feel like I’m talking to them as a fan, I feel like I’m just talking to my friends.” You can see and feel this type of energy from the crowd, who all seem to have this same understanding that this band is what connects them.

After the show, the band met with every single fan that came out, taking genuine time to connect with them. What I was most impressed with was their ability to be themselves, but also be the role model their fans were looking for. The Stolen started when they were rather young, having known each other in high school, but now touring is second nature to them.

“Tour teaches you a lot. It kind of makes you grow up a little quicker,” explains Dom. The band shared with me their experiences on tour from breaking down in the middle of nowhere to relying on the help and kindness of passing strangers to get to their next gig.

These experiences have bonded them together in such a unique way and it’s very obvious in the way they interact with each other and those around them. As such genuine guys, The Stolen takes what they have learned along the way and applied it to every part of their jobs, from fans to the music they make.

The Stolen closing the show with a dramatic exit via Ali Fitzgerald, @alfitzpics

Night Two – Asbury Park, NJ – House of Independents

On the second night, things shifted a bit. Suddenly the venue was packed fully. The House of Independents is the sort of venue that is on most bands in this scene’s bucket list. The energy in this town is just so pure, making it seamlessly easy for musicians to tap into that. The Stolen did so particularly well, being sure to play to all of their strengths.

Firstly, what I was immediately amazed about was the complexity in some of their lyrics. As a writer, a poetic undertone to a song never hurts and their effortless revival of meaningful writing did not go unnoticed. Beyond that, though, each member of the band was able to control their own space with ease.

Dom seemed poised with attention for fans, knowing how to engage them. Kevin was a charmer with a cool approach to his instrument, never missing a beat. Mike knew his drum set inside and out and it was clear he put everything into every show. However, I was most impressed with Rob’s obvious hard-working attitude, which became even more apparent having known he’s the music producer for their records as well.

While light on punk, The Stolen knew where and when to incorporate that element and when they did place it, the tone was strong and so well chosen. And at the end of the show, they gave quite an aggressive, but somehow fitting finale.

The Stolen backstage during the interview via Ali Fitzgerald, @alfitzpics

“One day they just started doing really dramatic exits and we just accepted it,” says my photographer Ali, who has worked with The Stolen countless times.

Even for this second show, I didn’t know what to make of The Stolen musically. I knew their music was good and they were obviously talented. Never once was that in doubt, but I couldn’t figure out where they wanted to fit in the industry.

It was Mike who was able to fully explain the band’s transition through genre to me. He said, “We started as a classic rock band and you can still hear that in some of the music. Then, we got into some pop punk and you can slightly hear that. And then we started getting into a lot of 80’s pop… we kinda just meshed that together with what we grew up on.”

You take this band who has music that very closely aligns with generic pop punk, but also has a past touring with artists like Jake Miller and often has a pop chorus song and it’s hard to place. “Our music obviously gravitates toward pop, but the way we work as a band, we’re very in that mentality of DYI,” says Kevin.

And that was it. The Stolen has created a pop band that resembles the classic artists on the rise energy. They work incredibly hard to keep moving forward just as pop punk bands all have to do, but their sound often incorporates a nice hook and pop chorus. “We grew up with this mentality of let’s do Warped Tour. Let’s sleep on floors,” explains Kevin. They are willing to do whatever it takes to get to the next level.

For Kevin, he’s even take on the opportunity to play as Jake Miller’s drummer on tour. Balancing those two lives and responsibilities hasn’t always been easy. Before the show, Kevin flew to New Jersey from Los Angeles, where he had been playing with Jake at Wango Tango. However, The Stolen knows how to work around these complications. “It’s all about communication… and sometimes its hard to plan,” admits Dom.

Kevin killing it on bass, even after being flown in from LA after a set with Jake Miller via Ali Fitzgerald, @alfitzpics

But The Stolen is getting there, citing their growth by explaining that now they get to have hotels with hot tubs and things have gotten a little easier. Their hard work is seeming to pay off and it’s what they deserve.

“I wouldn’t say anyone every really doubted us, but they had this sense of ‘is that something you can really do?'” Rob told me. Turns out it is something they can do… and do so very well.

The Stolen’s ability to stay humble while still progress forward was amazing to me. Their engagement and support for their fan base was beautiful. “Without them you can’t do what you do,” Dom said as the band rattled off countless memories with fans, explaining that at that show in particular people had flown out to see them and that wasn’t necessarily an odd occurrence for them.

Nea was right when she told me: “They’re the best people in the world and you would be so lucky to meet them and listen to their music.”

Music is about more than words can explain. And I think I’m going to be thinking about The Stolen concert for awhile, replaying the expressions on the fans’s faces when they felt safe and alive. Like I said in the beginning, I saw the fans find that release and escape, but by the end they seemed to re-find themselves in the process… and that’s how you know that The Stolen puts on a good show.

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An electric crowd for The Stolen via Ali Fitzgerald, @alfitzpics

via Ali Fitzgerald, @alfitzpics

Kevin killing it on bass, even after being flown in from LA after a set with Jake Miller via Ali Fitzgerald, @alfitzpics

The Stolen closing the show with a dramatic exit via Ali Fitzgerald, @alfitzpics

Two nights with The Stolen explains the dedication of their fanbase There's something to be said when a crowd is drowning in photographers-- all poised on their toes, clicking away a cumulative of thousands of photos a second.

[amuelle]

Hooking up etiquette 101 – The rules to happy hook ups according to Ms Elle

Look, we are all grown. Not every man you meet will be the one to change your life and love you like Lil Wayne loved his syszurp. Don’t close the door on that but in the meantime don’t cheat yourself out of a good time. Love will find you if you love you….(that’s totally another blog). DO YOUR DUE DILIGENCE, don’t be out in these streets risking it all for with people who look, sound and smell dangerous. Don’t just sling it to sling. Make sure you are SAFE before you ever engage with anyone…EVER!!!That said, I did some extensive soul searching and like Maya Angelou said ‘we are at our best when we are teachers’ so here are my 7 golden rules to hooking up. No animals were hurt in the production of this post except the ones that deserved it….

1.       Be honest about your intentions.

From the get go when you meet any one the energy is established. Nine times out of ten you know what you are open to and what you won’t entertain. So, just be honest. If someone approaches you and is trying to cut for the night and you aren’t interested, say just that. If you wanna have some fun with someone for a few weeks but still don’t want a relationship, say it! If you are cheating on your significant other…Good God, JUST SAY IT!!!! Don’t suck someone into you increasing your bad karma unknowingly. JUST SAY SO!!! Everything for everyone will be better if all the pertinent details are available from the beginning. I don’t condone cheating but we live in ratchet times... If you are trolling the streets looking to betray someone you might find someone who is willing to help whom you don’t have to pay or risk going to jail for solicitation with. But don’t withhold this information from someone who isn’t built like that. You will affect your stats. Just keep it simple and be honest with your intentions.

 2.       Believe everything and nothing all at the same time…

WHAT??? Exactly that! Believe everything and nothing at the same time. You are hooking up with this person. They may embellish how they are living or who they are. Don’t start picking apart their stories or tearing down their hook up facade just because the details seem a little sketchy. You are having a tryst….enjoy it. Go with the flow, just enjoy the experience for what it is. You also have every opportunity to embellish your stories and vamp up your personality. It’s a game of pretend for a few hours of your life. Stop trying so hard to be an adult and let things be. Even if you find out the other person lied…what are you gonna do about it? Unless they lie about their status (and I honestly believe post the age of 20 you carry condoms and don’t play in the rain because HIV is REAL and is KILLING people), you really really shouldn’t take it too personal. Hook ups LIE! They lie about liking you, they lie about seeing you from across the room and being instantly attracted to you, they lie about not doing “this” often…they LIE!!!! Enjoy the lies for a few hours because things might go left and you may ghost this person or let it fizzle out so don’t be so serious. Let loose but not too loose.  

 3.       Don’t romanticize it!

So after some drinks or chatting on social media you are finally with your thirst trap but hold up….and I mean WAIT!!!!!! Don’t let the butterflies in your stomach and the movie-ish feel of the situation fool you into believing that this could be or will be anything more. Don’t romanticize this experience. It’s rare that you meet someone on the fly and they turn out to be someone to build a  future with. I’m not saying its impossible but I am saying its unlikely. You might get lucky but if you don’t, don’t say I didn’t tell you so. It’s a transaction, so make sure you get what you went there for. Make sure you are satisfied enough to leave things the way they were before you met. The person you are sharing the experience with might be an out of town shooter with no desire to call you back all you can do is be nice after because desperate is NEVER cute. The only thing that will make you think you have met the love of your life is if the sex is good and you allow yourself to romanticize it and believe things aren’t the way they are. You met a stranger who you shared a common interest in busting a nut…..LEAVE IT THERE. Don’t start looking through their insta and facebook trying to figure them out or formulating strategies how to trap them. You know if the chemistry was right enough for you to even think you will see this person ever again in your life….don’t romanticize it!!! Reserve your thoughts of your wedding and what your kids are gonna look like for someone who offers you everything you deserve.

 4.       Do go back if it was bad!!!!!

I’ve noticed that some people feel like it’s acceptable to give a sub par performance when they are hooking up because they think “its just a hook up, I don’t have to impress”…….if you think this way, you are WRONG!!!! Listen, it’s a game and you have to win or at least make sure the other person doesn’t have terrible memories for you. You never know where this person is going to go, who they know and if you will ever meet them again in life. The best thing you can do for yourself is make sure they remember you well. That said if you are terribly selfish and do actually suck in bed you don’t deserve seconds. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…I can’t say this enough. If someone doesn’t hit your spots, rock your boat and generally wear you OUT they don’t deserve seconds, good night texts or I arrived home safe texts neither. They deserve nothing. Let me reiterate that in caps: A BAD LAY DESERVES NOTHING! Now this isn’t an excuse to run and tell the world that this person is lacking in the bed room because they owe you nothing. It’s just good manners to make sure you aren’t too drunk, stay up until the other person leaves and make sure the other person has a good experience. It’s also good manners to dip if you didn’t have a great time….dip and never resurface alluding to ever hooking up….just dip and stay dipped. You are essentially punishing yourself with a recurring nightmare of bad sex with someone you owe nothing and isn’t loyal to you. Don’t play yourself! You deserve to enjoy yourself every single time you get naked. Whether it’s with another person, by yourself or to get in the shower….naked time should be happy time….ALWAYS.

 5.       Be nice about it….ghosting someone is not sexy

I get it. Sometimes you just aren’t interested and telling someone you just aren’t in to them isn’t the easiest thing to do. BUT, simply ghosting someone is unacceptable. If you are old enough to strip down and use parts that grow hair for a good time, you have the emotional intelligence to be honest about your interest in a person. You are an adult and unless you were busy selling dreams of yachts and vacations in Greece, then telling someone where your limits won’t ruin your life. You may need to not reply to texts because some people are “persistent” and for them the experience you give them might be mind blowing and for you…not so much. It’s not really your problem but you have to keep your account with karma in check. Be nice, but if you have had enough then that’s that. Just don’t make the mistake of doing someone dirty and then decide to go back when you’re thirsty. You have every opportunity to shelve this person for future encounters and if you want that then engage with them and keep the communication lines open. HOWEVER (notice that is in caps) if are done don’t use another persons interest in you to boost your ego and act like they are hounding you and you don’t want to engage. You know how you got there and pretending you didn’t sell dreams would make you everything that’s wrong with the world and on top of that you will be one of those people who don’t deserve nice things…AT ALL!!!! I feel like this point has been made. Be decent, don’t ghost people and communicate your level of interest honestly.

 6.       Talk about the logistics

DON’T LEAVE THIS TO THE LAST MINUET!!!! Are you going to his place or you are going to hers? Unless it’s a steamy hook up in a parking lot, bathroom stall or in an empty room at a house party you need to know how you are getting home. I have found myself in situations where I just thought “why are you still here….we are done here. I need to clean and cook and go back to living my life” or “I seriously need to DIP! I can’t be here this long. I have a life and he might want me gone too”…..I’m sure we are on the same page now. Don’t over stay your welcome by leaving the “how you are getting home conversation” till the last minute. You will find yourself stuck and that’s never cute. My personal preference is always to invite someone over. I don’t have an issue with someone staying over long as they want because whether you are there or not, my life will go on…(cue Titanic music[TM7] ). But if I’m over at your place I ALWAYS have money for an uber, cab or we have made an agreement for my return. I hate being stuck. I find it hard to ask people for things so I like to have things HANDLED!!! Take this piece of advice, have a plan to get in and out and stick to it! No one likes it when a guest over stays their welcome.

 7.       Don’t forget the original agreement….it doesn’t change!

I know for women sometimes we let ourselves believe that a hook up can be more than a once off…..ITS NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL!!! My favorite lover of ALL time once said to me “stick to the original agreement. If a man wants you, he will pursue you whole heatedly. The same way if all he wanted was sex. The original agreement doesn’t change for a man. Do yourself a favor and don’t forget the original agreement. Stick to the original agreement.”

Ladies are more open to letting something grow but most men are not interested. It is RARE they will call you after for dinner and a movie so just accept that the initial agreement still stands. Unless you have a confusing situation where you doubt the validity of that agreement. That said TRUST ME, it will be a crushing blow to your ego if you are wrong about it. And if you ask the wrong way that’s even worse… You don’t need to be forceful about it. Express that you would be interested in more but don’t press it. This person doesn’t owe you anything and guilt and trapping someone in a situation never works out well. Trust me, bring it up EARLY but be prepared for the worst because these hoes have never been loyal!

Remember to use condoms….Merry xxxmas!!!!