#feels good :3 I haven't been able to do this since before i got sick 😭 it's such a good feeling to accomplish smth like this again

[dandyshucks]

wait that's a fun and cute idea. just before guzbug's first anniversary in-universe, we acquire land rights to Old Chateau and spend multiple days working on fixing it up and end up forgetting - ACTUALLY NO, we don't forget. I probably would just be quiet about it IF i remembered bc I don't know if he rly Wants to celebrate it at all and idk how to ask (<- this communication difficulty will be worked on), and then Guz remembers bc he made a point to set himself like five million reminders and also enlisted Plumeria to message him again the day of just in case he somehow still forgot, and then he has like... just a little gift planned. maybe the bracelet or smth. and at the end of the day when we're both tired from working and decide to call it quits for the day then he finally looks over at me and is like happy anniversary :) and gives me the bracelet or smth,,,,, and it's just a nice quiet little moment where we're sitting in the middle of a cleared area amongst all the mess and looking around at what we've accomplished so far and everything feels kind of Right and Good in that moment. making a home together !! building a life to spend with each other !!

[kerosene-saint]

so many things happening in my life in the next couple months and it feels like my life is turning around compared to how I felt this time last year which was complete and utter dread and burn out in every sense of the word

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Covid update, the vice grip pressure headache is gone, I was able to get out of bed without issues today, I actually slept through the night, AND don't feel feverish anymore 😤

[thinking1bee]

You Haven't Failed Part 4

Requested by Anonymous

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Tags: Spidey!Reader, Venom!Reader, So Much Angst, Fluff, Established Relationship, Graphic Depictions of Injuries, Blood, Violence, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Smut

Everything Taglist: @sammy90682 @nobody13 @owloftheshadows @captain-josslett @camslightstories @worldovart @finleyfray @acertainredhead @sammm9068 @reginassecretlover

You woke up to bright, warm sunlight filtering through the open blinds of the window. The space beside you was empty. You were beginning to stir, and the feeling of the cool sheets where Wanda’s body was supposed to be was what woke you up. She was gone, but on her pillow was a note. In her elegant cursive, you read what she wrote:

Good morning gorgeous!

I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to wake up next to you, but I got pulled away on assignment. Make sure to eat food and drink water. Nick mentioned that he wanted to see you for something so make sure you stop by his office. I made breakfast and placed it in the microwave for you to heat up. I love you so much.

-W <3

You smiled dreamily as you pivoted onto your back, and stared at the ceiling. Something about Wanda leaving you a note was so…romantic. You laughed softly as you thought about last night, and normally, something like that would have left you sore in the morning after, but you felt good. Great even. You weren’t even exhausted despite being up all night, and you stretched your entire body before throwing the blankets off you and starting your day. It was an hour by the time you made it to Nick’s office. You ate and showered before dawning your supersuit. True to what you told Wanda during dinner, Nick was partnering you up with Peter to sweep a 10-mile radius around Oscorp Industries. You and Peter high-fived in excitement. It’d been a while since you worked with the friendly, neighborhood Spider-man and it was going to be so nice to spend time with him. Though Peter was younger than you, he had his powers longer than you did, and he was the one to teach you everything that he knew.

You and Peter divided the work. You would take the northern half of the radius while Peter took the southern half. You were swinging in between buildings, seeing nothing out of the ordinary, while Peter talked to you via the comm in your ear.

“I’m just saying, Y/n. You should let Mr. Stark build you a suit. With access to nanotechnology and an AI, I’m sure he could make you something that you would like. It is certainly easier than wearing a suit under your clothing or having to change into one. Trust me, I tried that, and it was much more difficult than I thought it would be.”

You laughed, the visual of him struggling to get his suit on in some cramped, little space, entertaining you more than it should. Peter tried for years to get you to go to Tony. Even Tony himself approached you with various blueprints and drawings, saying that he was ready to do this the moment you were. You weren’t sure just yet. Having a physical suit was nostalgic to you, but maybe it was time for an upgrade. You were sure that Wanda was sick of smelling your suit every time you came home from work, though she did take it in stride.

“Maybe I will visit him,” you told Peter, and you could hear the excitement in his voice.

“Really?!”

“Yeah, I mean. I like your integrated suit.”

The blue, red, and gold colors were a nice touch along with all the gizmos and gadgets that were equipped to it. Admittedly though, it wasn’t your favorite. Your favorite suit that you saw Peter wear was the Iron Spider. If you were going to wear a new suit, you wanted it to look like that one. The sleek metallic look, and the way it looked like Tony’s Iron-Man suit really had you impressed.

“You won’t regret it. I promise! Besides my suit gives me an advantage that you don’t have.”

“What’s that?”

“FRIDAY gives me access to police scanners. There’s a fight between the police and some escaped convicts at the corner of 12th. I can meet you there?”

Damn. That was a nice perk. The moment he pointed it out, your spider senses went off just as you heard guns firing. “Yeah, I’ll see you there.”

You headed to the confrontation, and landed next to an officer that was taking cover behind his car.

“Hey one of the Spideys are here!” someone pointed out and you gave them a shy wave. You turned to the officer as you ducked with him.

“There are six of them. At least three have guns, while others have short, ranged weapons. Think you can take them?”

“In my sleep,” you said with a smile. “Just make sure you help the civilians.”

“You got it.”

He shuffled away from you, and you focused on the comm in your ear. “Did you hear that?”

“Yeah,” Peter answered. “I’ll be there in 10. Make sure you leave me some.”

“No promises if you take your sweet time getting here.”

Peter laughed before he turned his comm off. You took several deep breaths to prepare yourself. Your spider senses were going crazy, and you jumped to your feet and dodged right as someone tried to shoot you. You raised your arm and fired a web from your hand, the white fluid attaching itself to the gun right as you yanked it out of the hands of your target. You spun it around and launched it back at the person you snatched it from, and you heard the solid impact of metal against skin as it collided into his ribs. He choked on his next breath of air, his face turning a deep red color, before he collapsed onto his back.

“Aw shit, the Spider is here!”

You smiled beneath your mask and got to work. The two prisoners with guns aimed at you simultaneously and fired. You dodged the bullets easily, jumping and flipping out of the way. You shot two lines of web at them, each line attaching to their feet. You watched as they both looked at you, and then at each other before you grabbed the lines and threw them up into the air. They screamed in terror, and you shot more webs at them while they were airborne. The fluid wrapped around their bodies before attaching them to the nearest wall of a building. That was three down and no more guns. Three more to go. The crowd that was gathering around you cheered, and you knew that if Peter didn’t get here within the next minute, he was going to miss on all the fun. One prisoner with a crowbar tried to rush you, but you laughed. His movements were slow and clumsy as he swung the bar and missed. You easily punched him, your fist connecting solidly with his cheek, before he collapsed to the ground, unconscious. Two more. One of the guys was immediately in front of you, and thinking nothing of it, you rushed him. In his hands was a wooden baseball bat, and before he could get close enough to swing it, you launched more webs at him. One of the webs crashed into the bat, and the solid wood was knocked into his forehead before the rest of the webs wrapped around his body. You watched as he went cross eyed before his knees buckled, his body folding like a lawn chair.

There was one more prisoner to go, and before you could even consider thinking about where he went, your spider senses fired off in your head. You don’t know why you did what you did. Any other time you would have flipped out of the way or webbed yourself to safety. You didn’t do either of those. Instead, you turned on your feet and faced the threat, right as that threat impaled you with a machete. The blade went clean through you, in and out. You gasped as blazing, fiery agony erupted to life in your stomach. Blood was quick to pour from the wounds, red staining your suit as you clutched onto the person that stabbed you.

“One spider down. One to go,” he spat as he twisted the blade. You screamed, the cheers from the crowd going silent.

You heard commotion, the attention of the police now on you as they all unholstered their weapons and pointed it at the convict.

“Go ahead!” he barked. “Shoot! Let’s see if you can hit me and not your precious, little hero.”

You’ve gotten your ass handed to you a couple of times, but you had never been stabbed before. It was more agonizing than people made it out to be. Whatever was said about it, did not do it justice. Your vision swam with tears, the pain so intense and nauseating that you thought you were going to pass out. Warm wetness continued to spread, more blood dripping and staining your suit. Stuttering breaths left you. You could hear Peter’s voice in your ear, but it was like he was speaking underwater. You heard his voice, but you didn’t hear his words.

The pain was growing distant, and you thought that it meant that you were going to die, when you felt something happening. Between your body and his, you heard something wet moving. At first, you thought that you were hallucinating, but you saw the prisoner’s face contort in fear as he looked down. He snatched his hand away from the machete’s handle and took a step back.

“What the fuck?!” he exclaimed.

You looked down and saw black, tiny tendrils of oozing mass wrapping around the blade. It traveled, thick and viscous, to the handle, the tendrils wrapping around and around as they moved. From behind, you felt the blade snap, the sharp clang of metal against the asphalt ringing out as the pain in your back disappeared, but you watched in shock as the tendrils flexed and began to push the other half of the broken machete out of your body. That, too, clanged heavily to the ground, the handle and the small bit of remaining broken metal, rolled to a stop to rest heavily in the street. Then, slowly, the tendrils retreated back into your body and out of sight. Your flesh wove itself back together, the pain completely gone. You stood there in a stupor before your hand smoothed down your stomach. Not even a scar. The only evidence of you being stabbed was the large, inches long gash through your suit, and the drying blood that surrounded it. That was all. Beyond that, you felt great, energized.

And pissed.

He just tried to kill you. While your immediate thought had been the pain, your thoughts now shifted to Wanda and how you wouldn’t have saw her again if you died. Though it’d been a few years since she was dusted, to you, it still felt like you just got her back. Now, someone just tried to take you away from her. A fury, the likes of which you hadn’t felt in a really long time, consumed you, and you saw red. You were going to end him where he stood, and you were going to ensure that he couldn’t do to anyone else what he did to you.

Though he couldn’t see your face, the prisoner saw the slow turn of your head as you faced him. He whimpered and started to back away, his hands raised in surrender.

“L-Look, I d-didn’t mean-”

You didn’t let him finish that sentence. You appeared before him in the blink of an eye, there and gone before he could comprehend, and you wrapped your hand around his throat. You hoisted him easily into the air with a grunt and watched emotionlessly as he choked. He tried to pry your hand loose from his neck, but he was too weak. Too feeble. Too breakable.

“D-don’t” he choked out, but you frowned.

“Why?”

You let that one question hang between you and him. His eyes widened, and you said nothing more before you slammed him into the ground. You crouched over his body, grabbed him by the collar of his prison shirt, and punched him again and again. With every connection of your knuckles against his face, a deep satisfaction filled you to the brim. He deserved this. He deserved this for daring to snatch your future with Wanda away like Thanos had. Punching him over and over, feeling his nose break and his jaw shatter beneath your strength filled you with happiness. You smiled as his head snapped back again and again. He went silent minutes ago. The crowd was eerily hushed behind you, and you watched with a sense of accomplishment as his blood splattered all over the ground.

“Stop! Stop!”

A hand grabbed your next punch before it could connect, and you almost retaliated against the person that dared to stop you, a growl leaving your lips, when you came face to face with Peter. You couldn’t see his face beneath his mask, but you could hear the horror in his voice.

“What are you doing?? You’re going to kill him!"

That had been your intentions, but for some reason, hearing it out loud was like an ice, cold bucket of water was dumped on you. The harsh reality of what you almost did dawned on you. You stared at the man, his face almost disfigured beyond recognition, and you could barely hear the beating of his heart. It was sluggish behind his ribs, and wheezy, gurgling breaths left his split lips as he lay unconscious in the street. When you looked down, you saw that his blood coated your hand. It drenched through the material of your suit. You could practically feel the cooling wetness of it on your skin. Your chest heaved as breaths sawed in and out of you, and you stumbled to your feet as you looked around. Everyone was staring at you with a mixture of shock, fear, and alarm. Even the police regarded you with guarded terror.

“Look, I-” you began as you took a step towards one of them, but he quickly raised his gun to you, the grip he had on it trembling with fright.

You stopped in your tracks and clenched your jaw. Then, you turned to look at Peter, who pointed his chin down the street.

“Go,” he whispered.

You listened immediately, and shot a web, grabbing it before launching yourself into the air.

Part 5

[harrysmimi]

CEOrry Pt. 3

Synopsis: One where things get messy but Patience is a virtue

Series Masterlist | More of my work

YN was nervous.

Very nervous to talk to Harry. He haven't got to see her because of her finals, apart from checking up on her through calls and texts. But her convocation is tomorrow and she's got a doctor's appointment for the 12th week.

She's started to show up pretty prominently now, especially to herself.

He's going to be excited, that's bound to be. He's also going to ask if he can feel the baby, though there's a doubt there's anything to feel and that inevitable that he won't ask that. YN's been feeling very uncomfortable in her body lately. Especially when she's gained a little weight. Healthy weight. But on the video call the other day her step mother was the first and very excited to point that out. That caused her father to ask her questions but nothing made him suspicious about anything.

But YN's also gotten obsessed her little baby bump. She should get used to this because she'll have to leave the little one growing in her womb. Which is not something she's really looking forward to. Her friends have been bugging her wanting to touch her belly, which she doesn't really have a problem with but she also doesn't want to be touched. Especially when she's been insecure about her body lately.

It's not the first time. But she's learnt a way to over come it and be confident in who she is and how she is.

Anyway she got into her knock off branded Adidas sweats, an old T-shirt and her dad's jerkin she stole years ago before she was on her way down stairs.

To her surprise, Harry came to pick her alone today. No Jeremy.

"Hey!" Harry beamed watching her get in the passenger seat.

"Hi." She smiled back as she buckled up her seat belt.

"How are you doing? Been long since I saw you." He pulled out of the parking spot, headed to the way of maternity clinic for her scheduled check up.

"I've been good." She shared, "morning sickness here and there, but I'm doing good."

"Why didn't you tell me, YN?" He scolded, lowkey.

"Is there anything you can do about morning sickness?"

"We would have figured something out." He looked pissed now, sort of, "or I could have called Dr. Wilson to see if there is something we can do."

"It's fine, Harry, I'll ask her about it today." She sighed in defeat.

YN have been feeling way too emotional lately. She cried last night because there was no milk for her tea at midnight. Poor Josh had to make a run to the grocery store last minute. Now she usually doesn't cry but she can't help it lately. And she felt bad for even letting her friend go out in middle of the night to get her some milk.

She sat there in silence the whole ride to the clinic, waiting for their turn. Just lost in her own thoughts.

What is she even doing?

Her dad is going to be upset with her, even though she's sure he'll come around and make peace with it. But disappoint someone who's always been so kind and loving and patient with her, her whole entire life?

It is going to be inevitable to hide from him. As her cousin is getting married just two and half months after she's due for delivery. And she has to be there because she's really close the cousin who's getting married. It js hard being around her relatives as it is, and her changed appearance is going to cause a lot of questions.

The truth is going to raise a lot of eyebrows towards her character. No one will understand why she's done what she's done. Nor does she expects anyone to. It's just that she doesn't know if she'll be able to handle all of this.

And surely her step mother is going to be using this against her. She has to tell her father before he hears it from someone else.

It was going to be just like when she started therapy at the age of thirteen. People in her family thought she was going mental. She really had to pull out of it because the bickering and gossiping was getting too much.

And it wasn't like therapy was working for her either way.

Loss of her own mother and her dad marrying again withing two years, shocked her. But she's made peace with it all now. Or has she really?

"YN?" Harry gentle touch on her shoulder brought her back to earth.

"Yes?" She gasped, "is it my turn?"

"No it's not. Not yet." Harry looked st her concerned, "YN, hey love, is everything okay?"

She realised she was crying again, "yeah, everything is fine." She assured him, laughing softly to make the vibe lighter around her. "I'm getting very emotional lately."

"That's okay." He rested his hand on her back, "you can talk to me if anything is bothering you, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded. "I just can't help it. I'm sorry!"

"Hey, come here." He cooed as he pulled her into a warm hug, "it's okay, you can cry. You sure there's nothing bothering you?"

"Mhmm." She lied.

"Okay. We have to wait ten minute, just a little heads up for you." He whispered to her. And she swore she felt a feathery kiss being placed on her hair!

"I'm going to ruin your white shirt, my mascara is not waterproof." She sniffled pulling away politely from him.

The bare minimum is gonna get her in deep trouble here!

He just nodded and sat there. Soon enough ut was her turn. Everything was fine, the baby is growing perfectly, YN's healthy too. No complications as well. Well, her tiny bump was no longer secret to Harry. He didn't say anything though.

And they got new pictures!

"Hey, are you mad?" She asked when they reached his car in the car park.

"No, I'm happy that the baby and you are healthy." He looked at her confusedly and concerned. "Let's go to my place, yeah? We can talk it over lunch. Just not here."

"Yeah."

......................................................................

His place looked slightly different.

YN's been to his house just a couple of times. Very humble looking for a millionaire. Just a four bedroom, three story house in a quiet and gated community.

She was very nervous to go to his house the first time when he asked her to meet him there for their agreement. She was also very intimidated by him the first time.

He stood almost a feet taller than her, bulky with his piercing green eyes and serious look. He is always wearing suits, which added to the intimidating vibes. YN found out he's got dimples just about few weeks ago!

Turns out he's a real softie in reality.

YN was very nervous obviously. She looked tired and shaken up. Desparate for help.

Now that he thinks behind he was too harsh on her. Like way too harsh. Interviewing her like he's going to hire her to hold all of his secrets to the grave. Part of him wanted to know all about her because the surrogacy thing doesn't allow him to read much about the personal choices she makes which may affect his future child.

Now, YN had partial idea of what she was getting herself into. She was stood in front of a giant front door to a fucking mansion. Shiny and expensive looking door handle. Two expensive looking pots with actual live plants in them on either side of the door.

She missed the huge dog by the gate which had two security guards dresses in all black who checked her stuff before she was allowed past the gates. She could see the flecks of what was the back yard from the side of his mansion.

Not realising she was stood there for more that several minutes as the door was opened even before she could get s chance to ring the door bell. There he stood, dresses in a baby blue shirt with a white sheer button down underneath it, a black Gucci belt held the pants to on his upper hips, a gold buckle on it. His shirt was partially open with a display of silver cross necklace he wore, and flecks of his chest hair. He stood about a foot or half taller than her there. Piercing green eyes and lucious eye lashes. Straight a prominent nose with lips of the softest shade of pink she has ever seen.

She shook off her thoughts knowing there is 98% chance he's married, wanting kids with his wife or husband or spouse.

"Hi, please come in." He stepped aside so she can get in.

YN clutched onto handles of her bag hung over her shoulders tightly as she walked in. She was expecting the partner to show up any time. She was more nervous for that. Harry asked her to take a seat as he walked in the kitchen asking if she would like anything to drink.

"Just water please." She shared. It didn't take him long to come back out with a glass of cold water and a mug of black coffee for himself. It was almost six in the evening and he was having a coffee.

YN was already sat, carefully on the expensive looking leather sofa clutching onto her bag for her dear life. She's never been this nervo before. Not even for her job interviews. She worked as a teacher at a pre-school for now and worked a second job on weekends and even on week days if she got time. She even saw a green and black files lying on the coffee table with a fancy looking pen.

"So you're really sure you want to do this, Ms. YLN?" He asked.

"Please, call me YN." She said nervously, "and ummm, aren't we going to wait for your partner..." She dragged out the word trying to figure out right words, "... spouse?"

"We won't have to, because I don't have one." He set his coffee mug down. "These are the agreements you can take this and read it please. And we'll work from there."

"That's it?" She was shocked. "You called me all the way here for this?" And now she's confused, because she already agreed to the online agreement she signed on the surrogacy site.

"You might wanna read that, Ms. YLN." He pointed out.

"Yeah, yes, I, I am gonna read it. Obviously." She still couldn't stop stuttering. "I thought you had me over because you wanted to ask few things, that's what your manager told me." She was very scared in that moment.

"Yes, but I figured it wouldn't be necessary." He shared.

YN opened the file to have a read at the agreement which didn't look that long. But it hit her.

"Wait, you clearly don't have a wife or a girlfriend or a partner or whatever!" She couldn't fathom what she was getting herself into, "this baby would be mine as well, unless you have an egg donor. Please tell me you have that sorted?"

"No, I don't." He admitted way too casually for her liking.

That didn't sit right with her. That baby would be hers as well then. She wouldn't want to give up her baby, and in future go on to pretend as if she doesn't have her first born somewhere in the world with her own kids she gets to keep.

Her mind was racing a hundred thoughts per minute as she read the agreement. The clauses had her feel more anxious. She has to quit her fucking job?!

He wad ready to agree on whatever amount she wanted in return!

There is no questions to be asked from the recieving party, where as she is obligated to answers every question. Especially questions related to her health and medical problems or history. It was for the safety of the child.

She can't see the baby after they're born.

"I'm sorry, I, I can't do this." She closed the file and placed it back on the table in from of her. "I can't give up my child like that. I thought you just needed someone to carry your baby for you and your partner. And, and I can't even ask questions?"  She was also on verge of crying. "I, I hope you understand."

"You'll get anything you ask for." He shrugged as if he was making a fucking business deal, "can sign you a cheque for a hundred thousand pounds now and we'll sort out the rest later."

"What? No!" She exclaimed, "you-- can I ask why you want a baby when you're clearly single?"

"You can't." He's very blunt with his answers. "No questions. Just let me know by the end of this week."

"You don't have to wait for the end of the week, I won't be doing this." She stood firm to her decision, "hope you find someone who's ready to work on your conditions, but I can't."

Harry was disappointed but he can't be really. She doesn't agree with it. He can't force her. And YN just left that day.

Just for her to call his manager back up ten days later, in desparation of agreeing but she wasn't going to quit either of her jobs. And that was final. To which he clearly agreed as he had no more patience in him.

And here they are.

His beige sofa and ottomans were switched to yellow sofa and a burgundy and blue side sofa chair thingies. A natural wood stock coffee table with a glass top was set in middle, on a Moroccan rug underneath. Apart from that everything was same.

"You got new sofa?" She asked.

"Yeah." He closed the door behind him after following her inside, "my god daughter, Ruby was over the other day and she spilt her blue paint all over me sofa. It looked like someone murdered a Smurf there." YN laughed at that.

"You want to take a seat whilst I go heat up the food?" He suggested, walking over to the dining area he pulled a chair for her.

"Yeah." She nodded. Placing her bag on the sofa she made her was to the dining area. "You can cook too?"

"No. No, no I can't." He chuckled sheepishly there, "Lizzie, my housekeeper and chef looks after this all."

"You have a personal chef?" YN couldn't believe what he said which shouldn't be surprising in the first place. He hummed to answer her. "Wow you're rich!"

"Well, I like to think that way." He shrugged.

"Some of us have to make our meals and sometimes that doesn't happen too. I'm so jealous of you!" YN groaned, "I want to be mega rich too someday."

"What do you mean that doesn't happen sometimes?" He stopped dead in his tracks and looked at her.

"What?" She looked at him nervously. She shouldn't have said that.

Her friends have been there for her recently. At least one of them is to make sure she's had all her meals. Even if that meant cooking for her (she's getting spoilt). YN haven't had to skip a meal because of anything since she found out she's pregnant. But before she could explain all of this, he snapped.

"I told you to move in with me!" He exclaimed, "at least you can have something to eat on time for fucks sake." His voice raised. YN was taken back because she's never heard him this loud.

"Harry, I can't just move in with you." She said, "I'd end up fucking homeless, I have no family here."

"So you think I'm going to kick you out after the baby is born as if I'm some kind of heartless monster?" He scoffed in disbelief, "you think that low of me, YN?"

"I, I never said that." She choked on her breathe trying not to cry, "I'm done. I can't cry in front of you again." She barged out to the living room and grabbed her her bag ready to leave. She lost her patience because he raised his voice again.

"Run away like you always do." He yelled from the other side of the room, "you're so scared of confrontations and talking, aren't you?"

"Learnt from you." She slipped on her shoes.

"YN you step one foot out." He warned her.

"Yeah? Watch me!"

"YN, stop!" He rushed to stop her from leaving, he grabbed onto her hand taking in a deep breath to calm himself down. "Hey, look I'm sorry. I, I shouldn't have raised my voice at you. Let's talk okay?"

"I am not scared of confrontations or talking, okay?" She laid it out clear in front of him, "you jump to conclusions without even listening to the person in front of you."

"Hey I'm really sorry." He whispered, "I wouldn't-- that won't happen again."

"No, stop." She whispered slipping her hand out of his. "Don't talk to me."

"I, I won't. Just please don't leave, okay?" He suggested, "we can just sit here and talk whenever you feel alright."

He heated up the food his chef made and left in the fridge. He usually eats the same thing for dinner so there was enough for the both of them. Eating in silence was really not something he enjoys but it's a better option than to leave things unsaid.

He noticed she barely ate anything, so he ordered something she eats usually. The handful of time they've had meals together and she gets the same thing.

"I don't want you to baby sit me, Harry. I'm not going to share a word!" She warned him. "This is so stupid. It's not like I'd die after skipping one meal. I made a freaking joke!"

"I'm not baby sitting you." He shrugged simply.

"You're making me eat forcefully, you're not letting me go back home alone. That's baby sitting."

"I'm looking out for you YN because I'm your friend, if that's what you call baby sitting then fine." He picked up his empty dishes and walked back into the kitchen, he frustratingly started cleaning the counter top, "I'd rather baby sit you than you passing out on an empty stomach. You know how bad being pregnant takes a toll on your whole body?" She sat there with her head down, still playing with her food and fork.

Of course he's going to look out for his baby.

"I've seen my friends and cousins go through this YN. Whilst I might have not everything but I know." He walked back to her. "I want you to be healthy as well. I want you to know that I don't back off my friendships. I shouldn't doubt you for looking after yourself, I apologise for that."

"Hmm." She sniffled. "And I'm crying again!"

"It's okay." He assured her, "it's alright."

"I, I, I need to tell my dad." She sobbed, "he can't know from anyone else."

"You can tell him." Harry wrapped his arms around her, "it's okay."

"I don't know. He's going to be so disappointed!" Her breath shuddered as she was crying so much.

"I'm sure he's not going to, YN." Harry rubbed her back gently, "you just need to explain it to him."

"You think so?"

"Mhmm." He nodded.

"I want to go home now, please."

"Yeah, I'm gonna take you home." He placed a kiss on her head before he was off to get his keys, "come on."

......................................................................

YN contemplated till it was too late for her to video call her dad. So she cried herself to sleep.

The next thing she heard was someone calling for her name softly, feeling a warm hand running up and down on her arm.

Wait... Is she dreaming?

Realising that made her wake up gasping.

"Hey, hey, you're okay." The familiar deep and raspy voice got her back to earth. It is Harry.

"Oh my god!" She sighed. "Please open the window. Please!"

"Yeah." He got up quickly and opened her windows to let the fresh air in and just as quickly got back to sit on the edge of her bed. "I didn't mean to scare you. Kayla let me in, wanted to come in and check on you."

"The baby is fine Harry." She sighed falling back in bed, pulling up her blanket to her chin as she tried to fall back asleep.

"YN, you still think I don't care about you?" He sounded so defeated, "you matter more, YN, okay? I've come in to check on you because you seemed so upset and anxious yesterday. Please, I need you to understand I'm not doing this just because I only care about my baby. You're my friend now!"

"Right." She nodded, "I want to sleep more still please, I'm very tired."

"Don't you have a convocation to go to?"

"It's today?" She asked, "oh my god, it's today!" And she realised it herself. "What the fuck, what the fuck!" She got out of bed in panic.

"Hey, be careful." He warned her.

"Get off my bed, I need to fix it!" She scolded him.

"Let me do it." He stopped her. "You go get ready. You've got barely three hours."

"No, it's fine let me—"

"I said go get ready, YN." He grabbed onto her arms to steady her, gently. "I'm going to be your escort for tonight."

"I don't an escort."

"Trust me you will, when Kayla and Julia are busy with their dates." With that he left her room.

"Harry, I don't need an escort!"

"I know." He called from the living room, "now chop-chop darling. You're going to be a Doctor of Philosophy today."

......................................................................

YN got ready as fast as she could. She couldn't waste much time.

Being pregnant is already getting to her head, she could barely imagine how she'd be when she's much further in. She was locked into her bathroom getting ready.

Her bedroom door doesn't lock up as the previous boy who lived there had it broken, some drunk college students were hooking up in his bedroom. Josh was super mad for that giy to even throw a party whilst the other three of the roommates were gone out of town.

Least to say, YN never got it fixed nor did their landlord. He's a dick!

Just as she was about slip on her dress, she glanced at herself in the mirror. She hates looking in mirror but she saw the little bump.

Well, she's practically naked, stood in her mismatched knickers and bra. Usually she's feel sexy, without even looking at the mirror. Mirrors are just self-districting weapons.

But she felt different there. Her body was growing another life inside of her. It was part hers. She shouldn't and she couldn't help but her resting her hand on her bulging belly.

Wait... She can't let this happen again. This time it's going to be worse, she'll have to give up the baby. They will live and she won't ever get to see them again.

Taking in a long breath she quickly put on her dress and fixed her already styled hair. She's not going to let this ruin her special day. She was out of her bathroom and room immediately gathering all her stuff like when you don't think you need a basket or a trolly at the store.

"You want me to help you?" Harry rushed to gather her jacket and her bag she uses everyday. "What have you got in here?"

"I am perfectly capable of taking my own stuff." She rolled her eyes and walked to kitchen to fix herself a sandwich real quick.

"We're going to get breakfast on the way love, don't worry about it. Now come on." Harry ushered her out.

......................................................................

Least to say, Harry was happy seeing YN all bubbly and happy today. She was giggling with her friends, and he didn't quite felt like an outsider. Especially with Julia and Kayla shooting daggers at him with their eyes.

"Hello, Dr. YN YLN, nice to finally meet you. I'm Harry Styles." Harry introduced himself formally.

"Likewise, Mr. Styles." YN shook his hand but ended up in fit of giggles and went in to hug him tightly. "Oh my god, I can't believe this!"

"I know." He wrapped his own arms around hers, "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you!" She squealed, "thanks for saying that!"

"Of course, darling." He pulled away to look at her beaming at him. He knew she was about to tell him something but someone called for photos. But at the end she came to him asking him to take her pictures on his iPhone.

Later he found out YN and her friends were skipping on partying lile crazy tonight, they had to go and start working their butts off for Kayla and Josh's wedding. YN being the maid of honour and Julia being the only brides maid, they both had many responsibilities.

Now Harry wanted to talk to about some things. He also wanted to ask her if she's feeling any better about this situation she's in. He could clearly see how much her father matters to her. And most importantly she still seemed mad at him this morning.

The party was getting intense and if he was being honest he missed going out to parties. Corporate parties loose all their glory after a certain period. But he was also enjoying seeing YN so happy, seeing how her friends were taking care of her despite being a bit tipsy at this point.

Well, the girls were drunk their arse off when he first found YN at one of his clubs with her friends, they wouldn't let go of her. He craved that kind of friendship!

But the place was becoming more crowded, though he didn't wanted to take YN away from the fun he kept an eye on her side. He saw YN carefully making her way towards him to where he was sat by the bar.

"Hey." He beamed at her. A glass of red wine in his hand which looks like it's untouched. That was his trick so no one asks to buy him a drink or try to flirt.

"Hey, can you please take me back to my place?" She asked, "I would stay but I'm very tired and I want to sleep."

"Let's go then, yeah?" He kept his glass on the counter and stood up buttoning his blazer, lead her to the back door.

"How do you know this way?" YN was confused.

"I just know." He shrugged. "You want to get anything before we drive to yours?"

"No, I'm good." She nodded.

Harry turned off music in his car as he saw her falling asleep there.

He had a nice day with her. But he was still not able to get out the feeling he has been feeling from yesterday. She haven't said a word about it to him, maybe she forgot?

He reached her flat way too quickly for his liking. He parked his car on the side of the road, contemplating if he should wake her up. She looks so peaceful whilst sleeping.

"Hey, YN?" He called for her softly which was enough to wake her up luckily, "we're here at your place."

"Oh, I'm sorry I fell asleep." She shook her head to wake herself up properly, "thank you for driving me back."

"Of course, darling." He smiled, "do you want me to help you with that?" But he still got out quickly and got her graduation gown, cap and her bag for her from the back seat. "Come on, I'll walk you upstairs."

"Sure." She shrugged.

Honestly, she was too tired to even walk herself up the stairs alone with that much stuff in her hands. She could use the help he was offering.

......................................................................

"YN, can I have a minute with you before I go? Please?" Harry requested as he set down YN's stuff in her room.

"Mhmm." She nodded and sat down on her bed to take off her shoes. She had swelling in her feet even this early in the pregnancy.

"I want to talk about yesterday." He crouched on the floor in front of her to help her taking off her shoes, "I didn't mean to make you upset YN, I promise. I, I, I guess I've been so bad with protecting people my relationships in my life. I, I don't, I don't want anything to happen to the little one, or you. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you've become a good friend of mine. And I know food can be a bit of a sensitive subject for some, I'm sorry if I hurt you in anyway like that. I didn't mean to take the joke in a wrong way."

"Why would you say it like that?" She was confused. "I mean the relationships thing, or am I still not allowed to ask you questions?"

"Let's just say I'm too scared to let people in my life." He smiled sheepishly as he looked up at her through his lashes, "even though I manage to annoy you-- unintentionally!-- I'm sorry for that."

"It's just my hormones going all haywire. I'm very patient, I promise." She smiled at him, "and I get it now, so you don't have to apologise. In fact I am sorry, I overreacted yet again, and you have to put up with my shit."

"Yes, I have to apologise, but you don't." He said with a firm tone as he set her shoes aside. "Whilst I can't know what you're going through, the least I can do is try to understand. I just hope I'm good enough of the little one."

"You'll be an amazing dad to this kid, Harry, I'm sure of that." She assured him as if she can look into future and she sees him and this kid living the happiest life imaginable.

"I'm going to hang onto that." He nodded, he can have that hope with him.

He knows, he shouldn't be doubting himself now even though he's been ready for this for years. He isn't doubting about anything, but he's just nervous, that's all it is. He has everything he could, read every parenting book under the sun, talked his friends who are parents and even his own mother; who always told him that she can never be fully ready to be a parent. No matter how many books his reads or how many TedTalks videos he'd binged.

He's heard that some people don't feel that instant connection with their new born, he's afraid of all the what ifs? which comes along with it.

"Do you want to feel your baby, Harry?" She asked.

"You, you sure you'll, you'll be comfortable with it?" He was a little surprised to say the least.

"Yes, I am." She nodded.

Harry hesitantly placed his hand on her baby bump. He gasped, even though he couldn't feel the baby yet, he'd yearned for this moment for years. It hit him that the baby wasn't moving until he realised his thumb was rubbing circles on YN's stomach.

"Can, can you feel them move?" He panicked.

"Not yet, I read that babies start moving for about sixteen to eighteen weeks." She explained, "there's nothing to worry about."

"Okay." He sighed in relief, "I can't believe this." It was pretty evident he's happy that his eyes were tearing up quite a bit, tip of his nose turned a light shade of pink.

"Well it's happening." She tried not to laugh at his adorable reaction, "I'm so happy for you, Harry, and thank you for helping me."

"Don't have to mention that, darling," he gave her squinty eyed smile to keep his tears from escaping. "Thank you for letting me... you know, feel the baby bump."

"Your welcome." YN chuckled.

"Did that come out wrong?"

"No, you're very cute that's all." She shut her eyes for a moment as realisation set in.

"You think I'm cute?" He smirked cheekily.

"I meant to say annoying." She straightened her posture, failing to make the situation less awkward for herself.

"Hmmm, sure." Harry chuckled. Dimples denting deep in his cheeks as little crinkles become more prominent at the corners of his gorgeous eyes, his bunny teeth showing. He smiled truly from within in front of her. Maybe it was the first time. "You need me to get you anything before I leave?"

"Yeah, can you get me a bottle of water from kitchen, please?" She asked sheepishly.

"Sure." He stood up from his place on the floor.

He padded his way down to the kitchen and grabbed a reusable bottle of water for her from the fridge, it had her name on it, and many other reusable bottles with her and her friends' name on it. He closed the fridge door, just as he was about to leave he saw a picture of YN stuck on the door with a rose magnet. Along with three more pictures, but this one intrigued him more.

It was a picture taken with a disposable camera, a man who looked to be YN's dad. She looked to be about twelve to thirteen years old in her school uniform and her hair tied in two braids with red ribbons, a little six year old boy who looked exactly like her sat in her lap in his own school uniform, everyone smiling wide for the picture. Her dad was wearing the same jerkin she's got with her.

He wondered where her mum was.

He made his way back to her room after all, keeping his thoughts and questions to himself to not unintentionally make her upset with his curiosity. He placed the water bottle on the night stand.

"Oh my god!" He got scared when he felt something rubbing against his leg, it was a ginger cat. "You scared me." He scolded the cat as if she's going to give a fuck about what he says.

The feline jumped up on YN's bed and curled up into a ball, paws tucked under her chest as she fell fast asleep.

"You have a cat?" He asked once he saw YN come out of her bathroom in her PJs.

"Oh no she's not mine." YN smiled, "she's Noodle by the way, Kayla's fur baby. She likes to stay with me."

"I've never seen her." He was so fascinated by the cat.

"She's a senior cat, she's likes to stay in Kayla's room. Noodle is a smart cat, she knows when I'm getting ready I'll be heading out so she's in her mother's room." YN explained. "She probably came in here noticing that I'm here. I don't go anywhere much so we became good friends."

"I never knew I had a competition!" He chuckled.

"Unlike you, she doesn't piss me off. Especially when I'm all hormonal." She scoffed jokingly, rolling her eyes.2

"Did you just rolled your eyes at me?" He looked genuinely surprised and mildly offended.

And she did it again!

"Did you eat my chocolate cake or something, took you long enough to get a bottle of water?" She asked sitting down on her bed.

"There was a chocolate cake?" He acted as if he was going to go devour it in that moment.

"Don't you dare!" She warned him earning a few laughs.

"Your picture caught my eye. On the fridge." He shared.

"Mhmm." She nodded taking a sip from her water. He took a seat next to her when she said nothing else, being careful of the cat of course!

"Do you mind me asking what are you doing tomorrow?" He asked, hesitant and mildly scared.

"I have to teach a crowd of teenagers tomorrow, like everyday." She shrugged.

"No, I meant after." He corrected himself quickly, "I should have worded that right."

"After I'll be going out with Kayla for her wedding dress shopping, and after that... I have nothing to do, why?"

"Do you maybe want to come over to mine?" He tried to be subtle, "I, I, I'll have my god daughter over as her parents will be going out. She, uhhhh, she can be handful some times."

"You baby sit too?" She was intrigued, but she's also pulling his leg.

"I'm her god father so I have some responsibilities." He shrugged, "but I could use some help."

"Hmm, sure." She nodded.

"Okay, I'll ask Lizzie to make something for you too for dinner." He tried his best to hide his excitement there. "I think I should leave now."

"I'll walk you to the door." She offered.

"You don't have to, I'll see myself out."

"I have to feed the cat and lock the door. Those bastards aren't coming home tonight, I know that." YN explained as she followed him out, almost bumped into him when he stopped dead in his tracks.

"You'll be alone all night?" He turned around.

"I'll be fine."

"YN, I can't--" he sighed, "I don't want to leave you alone this time."

"I'll be fine. I promise." She assured him.

He didn't wanted to force her but he also didn't wanted to leave her alone. After what happened that night, he doesn't want to leave her alone. It is going to bug him all night now.

He bid his byes with her for the night, before he was headed back to his place.

It was nearly two in the morning and he couldn't sleep. Even after drinking two cups of sleep tea. He almost picked up his phone to call and check in on her but soon realised she must have falled asleep. He doesn't want to disturb her.

She'll call him if she needs anything. She did last time.

......................................................................

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[cheolinnie]

Soundcheck

He's so (❤️ ω ❤️), he bias wrecks me too much 🥲

this is js a cute lil imagine <3

not proof read tehe

"head through here and you'll be able to go to soundcheck," one of the managers said to you as they pointed out where to enter.

"Okay, thank you." you replied with a smile

You left backstage and joined the crowd that was waiting for soundcheck to start.

this is so exciting!

You smiled as you thought about the concert. Tonight was the night of their third concert on this tour, and it had already been great. You haven't been to a soundcheck before, not that it was anything too special, but you were excited to see everything.

You walked around and managed to snag a spot right at the barricade. Fans were looking through their phones or taking pictures as all of you waited for soundcheck to start.

A few minutes later, and the soundcheck started. Seventeen came out and greeted everyone. You smiled and waved at the guys when they noticed you were at the barricade.

Their soundcheck started as the first song played. The guys marked the choreography while still giving a good show. You knew which songs they were doing, but you got to hear carats yell out of excitement when they heard specific songs.

Once their soundcheck was over, the guys waved at fans and said thank you. Just as they were about to head back, Joshua walked over to the edge of the stage across from you. He crouched down and grinned before speaking into his microphone.

"Do you... believe in love at first sight?"

You stood there like a deer in headlights, trying to process what just happened. Carats looked at you in confusion, and you didn't know what to do.

----

what. just. happened?

After the soundcheck, you waited for fans to stop paying attention to you and sneaked backstage with your pass. You went to the main dressing room and sat feeling confused.

he just revealed our relationship

what

maybe they think he was just messing around

but they all stared at me

they won't actually think that much about it right?

"Heyyy, earth to ____? You okay?"

"I think she's uh malfunctioning guys."

"Yea she definitely is."

"Shua did you like not tell her yet?"

"Tell me what?" you asked, finally out your trance when you heard someone call for your boyfriend.

Joshua walked up to you with a small cake in his hands. "Surprise," he said to you, "we're public."

You put the cake in your lap, and looked at him in disbelief while he smiled at you. Suddenly, some of the guts started singing a congratulatory song in the dressing room along with some staff members.

You placed the cake beside you and hugged Joshua tightly. You felt overjoyed but still a little shocked at the announcement.

"You should have told m, stupid..."

Joshua just laughed and hugged you back.

"Thank goodness, now I can complain about them on weverse." Dino immediately said. ╰（‵□′）╯

"How about all of us go on weverse together without Joshua and complain?" Mingyu spoke up.

"We're right here guys," Joshua said while glaring at some of the members, making you laugh. he looked back at you, "they released a statement an hour ago since they knew you'd be on tour. Guess they were sick of us sneaking around." He said to you.

You laughed again, "Well, sneaking around was a lot of fun."

"oh god, we get it. You two are dating," S.coups spoke up from the couch he was sitting on.

"and all of you are just jealous," you replied with a smile.

"Babe," Joshua called you and moved to sit next to you. He had grabbed the cake a put it on his lap. "Come on, we gotta eat this."

"You know... I do believe in love at first sight," You said to him, making both of your smiles grow.

"Oh really? guess what me, too," he said before kissing your cheek.

"Love you, cutie"

"I love you more, handsome."

[captainimprobable]

I've known i had a sleep disorder for like 13 years, but didn't get diagnosed with anything til last year, and until LITERALLY THIS WEEK even though it's been hard and even though I've cried over it multiple times, I've been able to be like "hehe haha i have sleepy bitch disease" but i just suddenly realized that i actually have a real, tangible disability. And I KNEW that, and I was never hung up on that word or anything, but I've been fine bc sure it's been impacting my life, but I've always managed to hold down jobs right??? And then I thought about it. I managed at Trader Joe's bc I was active all the time. So I thought "oh, okay, while i get this disorder under control, I can work retail". Except I realized that a) this disorder will never be under control, and b)i worked retail before the disorder got WORSE, like it has gotten the last couple years. because when I worked it before, sure i was tired, but because i was always moving I was fine. But NOW I also get these waves of extreme exhaustion that mean i need to take a nap RIGHT THEN, and if I don't, I get really sick. So. How am I supposed to work a retail job if there's a chance I'll be incapacitated for at least an hour in the middle of my shift? And when I worked the office job? That was remote. And looking back, I slept half the work day. (I always got my work done anyway, but NO it was not ok to sleep through the work day. I know.) So now here I am, almost 6 months unemployed, about to run out of unemployment money, JUST NOW realizing that it is not physically possible to work. And meanwhile, everyone around me just acts like either "oh haha isnt everyone tired" or like Im overdramatic and making it up. So I went on to a facebook group for people like me, and asked for advice. Every response was "Sorry, no, this never gets better! Also I haven't worked in years! Good luck! <3" And now I'm looking at the rest of my life and realizing im always going to be this way. Im always going to be living at half speed. I will never actually be able to live up to my full potential. How am I ever supposed to work? How do I make money? I've been so hopeful and blase about this whole thing for years and suddenly its not so chill anymore. I'm SO fucking SCARED and Im looking for literally any answer or any help and there is none. You can try medication, but it doesnt always work (and im doing that. and its not working.) Otherwise, ig you just...pray?????? I literally cannot feel this way forever. I cant. That is just not a life at all. What the FUCK am i supposed to do??? (And now Im freaking out bc when this all started i would fall asleep while driving. That hasnt happened since college but what if it changes? What if I cant drive anymore? So many people with these problems simply are not allowed to drive. What the fuck do I do oh my god)

[lokavisi]

This vent turned Loki Appreciation Post™️ got rather lengthy, so I'm gonna pop it under a line so it doesn't take up too much space on your feed. But I do appreciate it if you read it. I need some good vibes...

I don't really talk much about my personal life on this blog, but I've been having a Week™️. Well, maybe Two Weeks™️. Two weeks ago, my wife and I had the beginning stages of a cold and accidentally passed to 3/4 other people in our TTRPG group. We got over the cold, and last Monday night/Tuesday morning, we were in the ER because my wife was having such intense upper abdominal pain. She seems to experience acid reflux in an atypical way. The meds they gave her have been helping, so that seems to be what it was, but now she's getting a sore throat again. We went to the clinic today. She got a strep, flu, and COVID test, which all came back negative, so the person said she likely picked up a virus while at the ER. (Even though we were both masked the entire time, there is still always a possibility.) Now I can't tell if I'm getting sick, too, or if I'm just stressed out of my mind. I've been taking care of her for the majority of this past week and haven't really been able to take care of myself in the ways that I need to. On the few days she was feeling ok, I went to some overstimulating events that I don't feel like I fully recovered from, either. I've been holding back a full breakdown all day, but short periodic cries have helped relieve some tension.

And here's where I'll tie it in to Loki: last night, I decided to do some journeywork since I haven't in a good while. I thought it might also be some good self-care time to visit the little home space I've made with Loki and his family. The thing is, Atlas was the one to great me as soon as I entered trance. In chatting with him a little, it was obvious that Loki called on him to really drive home the "you don't have to carry/aren't carrying the whole world on your shoulders" message. After this realization, it took me a second to really lock onto Loki's energy so I could talk with them about it. When I finally did, they showed me all these key stepping stones of progress in my journeying practice, especially finding and traveling to different locations. So they asked, "Why do you want to come to this place you spend so much time in?" Referring to our little home space. I broke down, and when I heard myself speak, it was like I was hearing a child. I was saying I just "wanted to see daddy" (i.e. Loki) and I didn't like that every task I picked up felt like a whole world for me to carry. Then I started apologizing to nearly every major deity in the Norse pantheon for not doing any of the work we've spoken about doing together. Each time I named one, they appeared before us. I was bawling into Loki's chest as they held me, and I could feel the tears and snot dripping down my actual physical face, too. As I did, I shifted into a toddler. Loki wasn't just hugging me. He was holding me, my legs around his waist with his right arm under my butt to hold me up. He motioned to everyone around us, saying that they are all family and part of this home space. Like my inner circle. Then he referenced me going to other circles (i.e. learning about and working with deities or spirits from other pantheons and practices) as a way for me to learn. And that they will all still be here for me even when I venture out to "meet new people" and that some people I meet may even join us in our inner circle. Cue Apollo walking up to us, holding his arms out for me to go to him. Loki passed me over to him like a parent handing their kid off to a babysitter or family member. There were a few small things that happened after that, but I'm still so struck by that sense of family. I felt so much more relaxed crying into Dad's (Loki's) arms. I felt safe and loved, and I felt safe and supported even when I was handed off to Apollo.

I'm really holding on to the comfort of those moments right now as I still try to care for myself in this moment. I am slightly dreading the inevitable inner child work that this was also clearly alluding to, just because I know it will be a lot emotionally, but it clearly needs to be done, right? It feels like a lot to maintain my current practices and deity relationships AND explore new ones. That in and of itself feels like taking on the world, and that doesn't even include all of the mundane adulting shit I have to do every day. I've just been so overwhelmed and overstimulated this week. I need everything to just stop for a second. I need to not be needed for just a little while. I need to be held for just a little longer until every last ounce of tension gets released from my mind and body. I need to get 10-12 hours of sleep for the next few nights. Gods, give me strength and rest, please. 🙏

[puzzledmemories]

((hello everyone! again! it's been like. a month. again.))

((work was making me super anxious. we had this ongoing situation with a client where, to keep things brief and anonymous, the rest of my team was getting harassed by this client, and i was the only person they would come to for like, assistance or any sort of communication that didn't end sour. i'm not even assigned to this client and there was like, stuff going on where my one co-worker probably should've straight up called the police... it was really bad, and i was both stressed out about being the only person who this client would interact positively (or even neutrally) with, and the possibility that this client would turn on me, i'd start getting harassed, and all bridges between this client and my team would be burned when like, we have to offer this guy services because of how the program i work for works. the client randomly complimented me one day on a day we didn't even interact otherwise in a way that made me feel really...weird, because of the specific situation. it's been weighing on me super heavily. things are just finally calming down and things seem to be okay now, but, i'm still kinda recovering from it.))

((on top of that, at home we've had constant issues with our septic system and even had an issue with our washing machine at the same time.))

((i was so stressed out all the time and just constantly socially burnt out that i've basically been unable to do any non-essential communication. i get anxious about communication to begin with, but it's just been too much for me to handle. i have been trying to push myself to get back on here for weeks. this is me. uh. trying to come back again. take 3! ever since i got super sick that one time i haven't been able to keep up my rhythm here, and i feel so bad about it. everyone here is so nice and welcoming and fun to interact with, and i want to be here so bad, and i don't want to make anyone feel bad by the fact that i haven't been here because it's not personal or purposeful by any means, but i've basically been at my limit of what i can emotionally and mentally handle. now that things at work are, uh, calming down... i think i can start to breathe, and i think i can start to push myself to get back on here more again, if you all will have me still.))

((my queue's run dry, i see, so i'll have to work to refill it... but it's late tonight, and i've been trying to just sike myself up to get on here and apologize for being absent for hours. i'm going to make this push tomorrow. a new month for a fresh start, i suppose! i'll be trying to go through my activity and find replies i owe, and reply to dms i've been sent. feel free to reach out to me, whether we've dmed before or not, if you have a reply i owe you want to make sure i don't miss, if you just wanna chat, or any reason really. feel free to ask for my discord, too. i've missed you all so so much and i wish i could be better about being on here again for you all. i want to try to be because i miss getting on here every day and interacting with everyone, and it's not that i haven't had the time, it's been an issue of energy and work stress. once i'm caught up on activity and i'm in a good groove for dms, i'll work on replies.))

((i'm very sorry, again, about disappearing, again. everyone here has been so cool and nice to me and fun, but my extra stress just made it hard to just, be here. or on tumblr at all, because for a long while i couldn't even touch my personal blog. i am going to try very hard to be the kind of person you all deserve to have around. it's a lot to live up to. but, i'm gonna do my best!))

((starting tomorrow, i will be trying my best!))

[enhyhoonie]

Red Moon (Prologue)

Pairings: No pairings (fem!reader)

Genres: Fantasy!au, DarkRomance, !NSFW!

Triggers: Gonna have smut, bad languages, blood, death, kinda gore

WC:  4.3k

A/n: It’s gonna be a loooooong serie...also there’s no pairing it will be like a all together thing (lol). I hope you guys will like it :’) Anyways if there’s anything you can always inbox me <3 Guys! Try to guess who said the last phrases 🤭

Prologue

Being the eldest daughter in the family has never brought me any luck... Especially when the child born after me is a boy. Jungwon, my little brother, was automatically proclaimed the future heir of our family. Ever since he was born, I've been almost invisible to our parents, and of course, this also rubbed off on the servants. All my governess and guardian had done my education and follow. Fortunately, they took good care of me and showered me with immense love to replace that of my parents. I was never jealous of my brother; He and I loved each other very much. It's not his fault that our parents favor him so much...it's something he can't control. Unfortunately for him, he's a terrible student. Ever since he was a child, he's only skipped his lessons with the tutor to practice with his sword. As a result, I did his homework on his stade. He wasn't fit to be an heir...but I...I absolutely wanted to...be the heiress. But of course, that would never happen...as long as Jungwon remained alive.

_"Jungwon, start learning your lessons more seriously. When you will be the head of the family, I will not do your job secretly for you like I'm doing now." I told him.

We were sitting at a table in the library; me reading a book; him sitting opposite me, almost lying on the table, looking at me sulkily.

_"Y/n I came to see you to spend time with you, not for you to lecture me."

_“I never asked you to come and see me, anyway.”

_"Wow, that's mean."

_"Look, we're not kids anymore. This is no time for jokes or making light of your role. Get a grip."

_"You're the only person I can be with without worrying about a role I never wanted and now you talk like everyone else... I thought you understood me." He said, really hurt.

I lifted my eyes from my book and looked at him gently.

_“I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said that.”

_”Forget it”. He said before storming out of the library.

That was the last time I saw my brother before he disappeared.

It had already been a month since my brother disappeared. We had moved heaven and earth to find him, but to no avail. We found no trace of him, as if he'd vanished. The tension in the house was unbearable, and I spent most of the day in my room. How could he have disappeared so easily? How come he still hasn't been found? Is he still alive or... dead? I was worried sick.

The door to my room opened. I turned around and saw my mother and father.

_”Why did you do that?” My mother shouted.

_”What do you mean?” I answered, confused.

_”Don't play with us. You think we didn't understand your little ploy?”

_”I don't understand.”

_"You got rid of Jungwon so you could be the heiress."

_"I would never do that to my brother." I said in shock.

_”We're aware that you're desperate to become the heiress, and knowing you..."

I cut my mother off.

_”What are you insinuating? That I'm so cruel as to hurt my brother just for a position?" I said, feeling my rage rising.

My parents said nothing.

_”It's funny to hear you say you know me when you know nothing about me. You haven't even been able to fulfill your role as parents because I'm a girl who won't bring anything to the family."

_”Don't talk nonsense..." began my father, before being interrupted by the servant who came storming through the door.

_”The young Lord has returned!” He said breathlessly.

I rushed to the entrance of the mansion and saw my brother standing there unharmed. I ran to him and hugged him tightly. 

_”Jungwon, I'm so happy you're here safe and sound...you don't know how worried I was.” I said, my face buried in his chest, holding back my tears.

I stepped back a little and cupped his face to get a good look. He looked at me expressionlessly, which made the smile disappear from my face. 

_“Jungwon?” I said, confused.

He stepped back and passed me.

_”Don't worry, big sister, I'm fine.” He said indifferently.

Jungwon had returned to the manor after his disappearance. According to what he told us, on the day of his disappearance, Jungwon had gone to the river to practise his sword, fell off the pond and was swept away by the current. They then found him unconscious by a noble house, the Vempes, who took care of him for the past month until he recover and could come back to us. 

I never heard about this noble house. Jungwon said they are 6 brothers in this family and the head of the family is actually the older one. They are living in the far East of the Kingdom. 

The days that followed Jungwon's return felt like a surreal blur. His presence lingered in the halls of our family manor, but the vibrant, lively brother I once knew seemed to have left us at the riverbank where he disappeared. In his place stood a stranger, wearing Jungwon's face but not his spirit.

He became a ghost in our home, moving with an eerie silence that echoed through the corridors. The brother who once laughed and practiced his sword diligently now immersed himself in books and scrolls. 

His transformation was unsettling, as if the river had not only swept him away physically but had also carried away the essence of his being. I tried to reach out, to bridge the gap that had emerged between us, but my attempts were met with a stoic indifference that sent shivers down my spine.

The dinners we used to share turned into silent rituals, punctuated only by the clinking of cutlery on porcelain. Jungwon's eyes, once warm and familiar, now held an inscrutable gaze that seemed to penetrate through the very core of my being. It was as if a veil had been drawn over his soul, shielding him from the world.

One evening, I found him in the library, surrounded by ancient tomes and dim candlelight. His eyes were fixed on the text before him, but his mind seemed to be wandering through distant realms. The sight of him hunched over those books, a stark departure from his former self, tore at my heart.

_"Jungwon," I called softly, careful not to startle him. He looked up, and for a moment, I glimpsed a flicker of recognition in his eyes. But it vanished as quickly as it appeared, replaced by the cold, distant gaze that had become his new normal.

_"What happened to you?" I asked, the words escaping my lips before I could censor them.

He closed the book with deliberate slowness, meeting my gaze with an intensity that sent a chill down my spine. "I'm just doing what needs to be done," he replied, his voice devoid of the warmth that once defined it.

The sense of loss deepened as I realized that the brother I had known and loved was slipping away, replaced by a version of him that was a mere shadow of the past. The mystery of his disappearance had been solved, but in its wake, a new enigma had taken root within the very heart of our family.

I hesitated for a moment, watching the flickering candlelight cast shadows on his unreadable expression. The air in the library felt heavy with unspoken tension as I searched for words that could bridge the growing gap between us.

_"What needs to be done?" I questioned, my voice barely above a whisper. "You've changed, Jungwon. Ever since you came back, it's like you're a different person."

He sighed, a sound that seemed to carry the weight of an entire world. "Y/n, the responsibilities that come with being the heir, they're not to be taken lightly. I've realized I can't afford to be the carefree brother I used to be."

_"But that doesn't mean you have to shut me out," I pleaded, my frustration bubbling to the surface. "We've been through everything together. Why this sudden distance?"

Jungwon's gaze remained fixed on the closed book before him, a mask of detachment veiling his features. "You wouldn't understand, Y/n. The burden of leadership is not something you can grasp."

_"I may not be the heir, but I'm still your sister," I retorted, my voice gaining a hint of desperation. "We've faced challenges as a family, and we've always supported each other. Why push me away now?"

He finally looked up, and his eyes bore into mine with an intensity that made me catch my breath. "You don't get it, do you? This is not just about family. The Vempes taught me things, things that matter for the future of our legacy."

_"The Vempes?" I echoed, confusion etching lines on my face. "What did they teach you that turned you into this... stranger?"

He leaned back, folding his arms with an air of finality. "They showed me the importance of knowledge, strategy, and discipline. Qualities I lacked, qualities needed to ensure the prosperity of our family."

I shook my head in disbelief. "Jungwon, you were fine the way you were. You don't need to sacrifice who you are for some idealized version of leadership."

His expression remained impassive, unmoved by my plea. "This is the path I've chosen. I won't let sentimentality cloud my judgment."

A heavy silence settled between us, the words hanging in the air, echoing the irreparable distance that had grown between the brother I once knew and the stranger who now wore his face.

The Vempes remained an enigma, an unsettling puzzle. My curiosity, once a gentle whisper, had grown into a persistent ache, compelling me to dig deeper into the shadows that surrounded their name.

Late into the night, I roamed the vast halls of our mansion, searching for any hidden records, ancient scrolls that might shed light on the mysterious family that had claimed my brother for a month. The library, my sanctuary for solace and knowledge, yielded nothing. No tomes spoke of the Vempes, and the scrolls held no mention of their existence.

It was as if they were a phantom family. The absence of information about them only intensified the unease that had settled in my chest. Families, especially noble ones, were documented meticulously. Yet, the Vempes seemed to exist beyond the reach of such conventions.

Why did the Vempes keep to the shadows? What secrets did their distant home in the far East hold? My frustration mingled with the realization that, in the vast expanse of our mansion's library, the silence about the Vempes was deafening.

The Vempes had claimed to teach my brother essential virtues for our family's legacy, yet their own legacy remained shrouded in silence.

The library was dimly lit, and Jungwon was engrossed in a book, his eyes scanning the pages with an intensity that made me hesitate. The air felt heavy with unspoken tension as I approached, determined to breach the subject that had become an unspoken barrier between us.

_"Jungwon," I started cautiously, "we need to talk about the Vempes."

He closed the book, his expression shifting ever so slightly, a subtle discomfort surfacing. "There's nothing to discuss," he replied, his tone clipped.

_"But there is," I persisted. "You disappeared for a month, and all we know is that the Vempes took you in. I want to understand why they hold such sway over you, why their influence has transformed you into someone I can hardly recognize."

He met my gaze, his eyes guarded. "Some things are better left unexplored, Y/n. The Vempes have their ways, their reasons. It's not a path you want to tread."

Frustration bubbled within me, and I refused to be deterred. "They cared for you for a month, Jungwon. You owe them that much. Why the secrecy? What did they do to you?"

His eyes betrayed a hint of discomfort, but he quickly masked it. "They did what they believed necessary. Now, I have responsibilities to fulfill. That's all that matters."

The distance between us felt like an unbridgeable chasm. "Responsibilities? What did they teach you that turned you into this... stranger?"

He sighed, a weariness settling in his features. "Discipline, strategy, knowledge. Qualities our family lacked, qualities essential for our prosperity."

_"They've changed you," I pressed, desperation creeping into my voice. "You've become someone I can't reach, and I can't stand by without understanding why."

A fleeting expression—was it regret?—crossed his face gone in an instant. "Y/n, the less you know, the better. This is my path, and I won't let you get entangled in its complexities."

The finality in his voice left me with a sinking feeling, the realization that my brother, my confidant, had become a stranger guarding secrets. "Jungwon," I pleaded, my voice barely above a whisper, "I can't watch you disappear like this. Whatever they've done, we should face it together."

He stood, the distance between us growing palpable. "Some paths are meant to be walked alone. This is one of them."

And with those words, he left the library, leaving me behind in the quiet that echoed with unanswered questions and the heavy weight of an unspoken divide. The truth about the Vempes seemed to be a fortress. He had no intention of letting me breach.

The once vibrant streets of the kingdom now echoed with a silent unease. Whispers of fear flitted through the air like shadows, and the once bustling marketplaces were gripped by a palpable tension. The kingdom had become a place of caution and apprehension, a far cry from the lively realm it once was.

Reports of people disappearing and turning up dead with their throats gruesomely slashed had become a haunting reality. Each day, the list of victims grew, leaving behind a trail of horror and a kingdom on edge. The unsettling notion that a shadowy figure lurked in the shadows, preying on the unsuspecting, gnawed at the collective consciousness.

The manner in which these victims were left, drained of blood, sent shivers down my spine. The kingdom had become a dangerous labyrinth, and the walls were closing in. Questions raced through my mind like a tempest: Who could be behind these gruesome acts? What motive could drive someone to commit such heinous crimes?

Theories and suspicions danced in the recesses of my thoughts. Was it an outsider, an infiltrator with a vendetta against the kingdom? Or could it be someone within the court, hidden behind a façade of nobility? The air of uncertainty hung thick, and trust became a fragile commodity in the face of an unknown assailant.

The mansion's corridors echoed with hushed whispers as I passed by a group of maids, their heads bent together in a conspiratorial discussion. Unable to resist eavesdropping, I slowed my steps, catching fragments of their conversation that reverberated through the air like a clandestine melody.

_"...heard they found another one, throat slit just like the others..."

_"Awful, isn't it? And not a drop of blood left in them. It's like they were drained dry."

The weight of the kingdom's collective fear hung in the air, but one particular phrase caught my attention.

_"...vampires, they say. Creatures of the night, feasting on the blood of the living."

A shiver ran down my spine as I heard the word "vampires." It was a fantastical notion, an irrational explanation meant to feed the fears that gripped the maids and, perhaps, the entire kingdom. Vampires, in my pragmatic view, were creatures of myth and legend, not malevolent beings prowling the shadows of our realm.

I continued down the corridor, dismissing the notion as irrational gossip fueled by the escalating fear. Vampires were the stuff of stories, not plausible culprits in a series of murders. The reality, I believed, lay in the tangible world, a world where motives and individuals could be unraveled and understood.

The evening air was thick with tension as our family gathered for dinner. The familiar grandeur of the dining hall seemed to pale beneath the weight of unspoken words. The clinking of silverware against porcelain resonated in the silence, interrupted only by the occasional exchange of guarded glances.

The butler approached my father with an ornate envelope, sealed with an unknow insignia . As the wax seal was broken, a hushed anticipation settled over the room. The contents of the letter were read aloud, revealing an invitation to a grand ball hosted by the Vempes, celebrating their recent establishment in the kingdom.

_"They specifically request our family as honored guests," my father announced, his expression shifting between curiosity and caution. "It seems they consider Jungwon part of their family and wish to see how he's fared since his return."

A subtle chill settled over the room as the words hung in the air. Jungwon's eyes betrayed a flicker of displeasure, an emotion he struggled to conceal. The Vempes' influence, it seemed, reached beyond the realm of our immediate family.

_"I have no interest in attending their ball," Jungwon stated curtly, his voice laced with an undercurrent of resentment.

My mother's eyes flickered toward Jungwon, concern etched on her face. "Jungwon, dear, it's a formal invitation. It would be impolite to decline, especially considering the hospitality they extended to you during your... absence."

Jungwon's jaw tightened, his frustration palpable. "Their hospitality was unnecessary, and this invitation is nothing more than a pretense. I won't play into their hands."

The air in the room grew heavier as Jungwon attempted to dissuade our parents, urging them to reconsider attending the Vempes' ball. His objections were met with gentle dismissals, my parents seemingly captivated by the allure of the invitation.

_"But it's an opportunity to strengthen ties with the Vempes. They've extended a gesture of goodwill, and we shouldn't spurn it," my father reasoned, glancing at Jungwon with a knowing look.

I observed the exchange, torn between my brother's evident discomfort and the diplomatic considerations that seemed to sway my parents. The Vempes, with their mysterious influence and the recent unsettling events in the kingdom, had woven a complex tapestry that ensnared our family.

Jungwon's reluctance persisted, an unspoken tension radiating from him like an invisible force. Despite his objections, the decision had been made. The Vempes' ball loomed on the horizon, a gathering that held promises of both revelation and uncertainty. As the dinner continued, the looming specter of the invitation cast a shadow over our family, and I couldn't shake the feeling that attending the ball might unravel more than just the dance of formalities.

Under the veil of the night, I discreetly slipped away from the confines of the dining hall, clutching the Vempes' invitation in my hand. The flickering candlelight in the corridor illuminated the intricate calligraphy that adorned the parchment. My fingers traced the elegant curves of the writing as I read the words penned by the head of the Vempes family.

---

Dear Esteemed Guests,

It is with great pleasure that the Vempes family extends an invitation to you and your honored family to attend a grand celebration in our newly established residence within the kingdom. As we embark on this new chapter, we find ourselves drawn to the bonds that tie us to those we consider family. We have come to cherish the presence of your son, Jungwon, who, through fate's design, spent a month under our care. In honor of the unity between our families, we invite you to a ball where joyous festivities will abound. This gathering serves not only to commemorate our newfound place in the kingdom but also to renew the bonds between us. Our family, eagerly anticipates the pleasure of your company. We extend our warmest welcome and look forward to sharing an evening of merriment. May this event strengthen the ties that bind us. With utmost sincerity,

Heeseung Vempes

---

The words on the parchment painted a picture of warmth and hospitality, but beneath the polished surface, a subtle undercurrent of intent lingered. It was evident that Heeseung Vempes and his brothers sought more than just a social gathering; they desired news about Jungwon.

The inked script hinted at a genuine interest in our family, particularly Jungwon's well-being. However, as I read between the lines, a lingering suspicion tugged at the corners of my mind. The Vempes, with their intricate dance of family and enigma, seemed to be orchestrating a narrative that transcended the boundaries of mere cordiality.

The day of the ball arrived, shrouded in an air of anticipation that seemed to cling to every guest as they approached the imposing manor of the Vempes. The grand facade of the residence loomed overhead, its architecture both impressive and vaguely unsettling. As we stepped out of the carriage, the evening shadows cast eerie silhouettes, adding an undertone of foreboding to the already ominous atmosphere.

Dressed in a gown of deep red, I couldn't shake the feeling that the color mirrored the subtle unease that settled in my chest. Jungwon, clad in a matching hue, wore an expression of annoyance that seemed to deepen with each passing moment. His discomfort, palpable in the tension that lingered between us, mirrored the aura of the Vempes' manor.

Before we entered the grand hall, my parents issued a stern warning. "Y/n, we expect you to conduct yourself appropriately. Do not create a commotion," my father cautioned, his eyes stern. The unspoken implication hung in the air — any disruption would jeopardize not only our family's reputation but also our delicate ties with the Vempes.

The grand doors swung open, revealing a hall bathed in opulence. The chandeliers cast a warm glow, and the polished marble floors reflected the elegant attire of the assembled guests. However, an unsettling hollowness pervaded the atmosphere, accentuated by the conspicuous absence of the Vempes. The Vempes, the hosts of the evening, were notably absent.

Jungwon's irritation deepened, evident in the furrow of his brow and the tightening of his jaw. He exchanged curt nods with acquaintances, his gaze searching the room for any sign of the elusive hosts.

The ballroom, despite its grandeur, seemed to pulse with an undercurrent of unease. Guests engaged in polite conversation, laughter echoed against the ornate walls, yet an intangible tension lingered in the air. Jungwon remained by my side, his presence a silent reassurance in the midst of the enigmatic gathering.

As the night unfolded, I couldn't shake the unsettling feeling of being observed. A subtle weight hung in the air, an invisible gaze that followed my every move. It was as if unseen eyes traced the contours of my gown, scrutinized the nuances of my expression. The sense of being watched intensified with each step, an eerie awareness that stirred the hairs on the back of my neck.

Jungwon's vigilance did not go unnoticed. His eyes, ever watchful, mirrored the unease I felt. His protective stance was both comforting and disconcerting, a testament to the unspoken understanding that something beyond the surface transpired within the walls of the Vempes' manor.

Amidst the masked dancers and glittering chandeliers, Jungwon's proximity offered solace. His presence, both protective and troubled, hinted at a shared apprehension. Together, we moved through the dance floor, our steps echoing in the cavernous hall, our senses attuned to the enigma that enveloped the night.

From the concealed vantage point of the interior balcony, six shadows loomed against the warm glow of the ballroom below. Their silhouettes, distinct and enigmatic, observed the festivities unfolding beneath them. Yet, their focus was singular, converging on one figure amidst the swirling dancers — Y/n.

Among the six shadows, one stood apart, his gaze fixated on Y/n with an intensity that bordered on predatory. His features were obscured by the dim light, rendering his intentions inscrutable. He watched her, not with the curiosity of a guest, but with the calculated interest of a hunter sizing up its prey.

The others, shrouded in whispered conversations, exchanged words in hushed tones. Their discussions seemed to carry an air of secrecy, as if unraveling a plan known only to the conspirators. Their eyes occasionally flickered toward the lone figure, their intentions veiled in the dance of shadows.

As the mysterious observer continued to scrutinize Y/n, his fellow shadows exchanged glances and murmurs. The air around them crackled with an energy that transcended the ordinary revelry of a ball.

The atmosphere on the interior balcony became charged with an aura of anticipation. The mysterious observer's gaze remained fixed on Y/n, his intentions cloaked in ambiguity.

The hushed whispers among the five shadows intensified, their clandestine conversation taking a more sinister turn. The air around them crackled with an energy that bespoke a shared malevolence, and their eyes gleamed with a devilish glint. Among them, the one who had been observing Y/n with predatory intent emerged as the central figure, the puppet master orchestrating the macabre symphony.

As the conspiratorial murmurs reached their zenith, the shadows exchanged knowing glances, their smiles widening into devilish grins. The atmosphere on the interior balcony became charged with an unsettling anticipation, and a shiver seemed to traverse the collective spine of the shadowy assembly.

The standing figure, with a sinister smile that mirrored his nefarious thoughts, spoke with a lecherous edge, "Should I just take her in the garden and do her like an animal? I just can't wait anymore."

His words hung in the air, laden with an ominous implication that sent a chill through the shadows' conspiratorial circle. The ballroom below, oblivious to the malevolent forces at play, continued its dance of revelry. Unaware to the shadows, a sinister undercurrent pulsed within the shadowy recesses of the Vempes' manor, where the convergence of dark desires hinted at a night that held more than mere celebration.

_”Alright, time to start the show.”

[jeonghoneyss]

hi! 7, 16, 17, 18, 25, 55, 71, 74 for the "get to know your fic writer" ask game <3

hello! SO sorry i've been sitting on this for. 11 days. i have been having a time. thanks for all the questions <3

7: How do you choose which POV to write from?

I don't really consciously choose a POV? Normally when I have an idea, there'll already be a character in mind. If there's no character in mind, I just let the idea stew, or forget about it.

16: How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Good god. TOO many. Actively nurturing - sixteen, maybe? I must have another fifty that I've just straight up neglected, though.

Have I told you about the junhao sick fic? Essentially, they're both off sick. Junhui is sunlight personified; Minghao is bitter and last expressed a true sentiment ten years ago. Jun wants to go on a quest, so they go on a quest and see a unicorn. Minghao does some introspection. There's a mood. Honestly don't know what to say about it really?

17: What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

Wail and lament and bemoan, really. I am so bad at this; I tend to just stop writing for months at a time lol.

18: Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

Mostly after! Titles very rarely come naturally to me; occasionally I'll get a flash of inspiration and come up with a good title halfway through writing, but that's very rare. Mostly I scrabble for a title right as I'm uploading the fic.

25: What fic do you wish got more of a response on?

Ooh, I don't know. Dulcet fic, maybe? I feel bad choosing that one, though, since I haven't updated it in years. life is sweet, then.

55: Of the characters you write for, which is your favourite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers' reactions to certain ones?

Tough question! I don't know that I have a favourite. Right now, Tenzing Tharkay from Temeraire is absolutely dominating my mind. I'm obsessed with writing about him. I think about him all the time. I don't think a single one of my followers knows who he is, so I can't really say that my choice was swayed haha.

Perhaps a better answer would be Jay from Descendants! I quite like writing him, and I've had a few conversations with @allthefoolishdreams and @nettlestingsoup that have certainly added to how much I enjoy writing him.

71: When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

I have, unfortunately, never written a complicated narrative. I've never even really written something long. It's something that I'd like to try, though.

I was trying to do a bit of a timeline with the batkisser fic! I chatted about that with Morgan a bit and asked how they plot their stories, because they're genius at it.

74: You've posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you'd written it?

Probably the italics. I tend to use lots of them and in quite odd places, too.

[foxgloveinspace]

@thoseeyeslikefire @absentviolet @kyloreno-911

It's another LONG w.i.p. Wednesday! Explanation for why I haven't been making these, I guess:

took a week off in October cause I didn't feel like taking pics, then we had company and I didn't have time to do it, and then I got sick, ugh. But now I'm back and I'm gonna try to do these when I can again, possibly not every week, maybe every other week, cause I want to spend more time reading and writing this month if I can. (it's gonna be my first 'real' NaNoWriMo. Where I have a goal and such).

first off, the confession. I frogged the cardigan part of the og skulls cardigan. I kept looking at it, and looking at it, and I went 'I'm never going to wear this, I'm just doing it, to do it'. It's gone through like, three other iterations that I haven't been talking about cause I was really just trying to figure it out. I've finally found something I'm excited about making, which is a pieced together cardigan of double crochets, where on the right side rows I crochet through the back loop only. I'm feeling very inspired by this, especially since I could work on this even when I was super foggy from having a cold. Sadly, it did not get done in time for Halloween, but also I didn't intend for it to be just for Halloween. Hopefully this is something I'll wear all winter. It's my main w.i.p. rn and I hope to get it finished this week, so I'll post finished pics when I get it done.

and another 'wellllll there was a goof' project, lol. I messed up the left sock of my hocus pocus socks. so I decided to frog it, since then it would be easier to make the heel flap and gusset of the right sock! so! i then paused the first sock until I can catch up on the second sock, and when they are both ready to knit the foot, I'll pick them both up to knit two at a time again. I just haven't been able to knit very much cause of the foggy head from my cold. But! I am really happy with these and hopefully I'll have them done before the end of the year.

I picked back up the pass the honey cardigan! mostly cause it was easy knitting while I was, again, foggy from the cold..... wow. Any way, I know it probably doesn't look like it, but I did get some progress done on it, I think like two or three pattern repeats? I wasn't sure I wanted to continue it, but then I had the thought of 'it looks like dragon scales, not just honey comb' and now I love it lol. It's my dragon scale armor now.

and now! my birthday shawl!! (The Gaia Shawl) I only did the first bit on my birthday cause I was DETERMINED to get it started on the right day. I am loving this yarn and how it's working up, and I am really liking the little bit of the pattern I've worked at well. I'm not worried about how long it takes me cause my birthday shawl last year was being worked well into January. It'll be there when I feel good enough to work on it again. The only problem is that the pattern website keeps freezing.....

small yarn haul time!

the multi colored yarn is from one of my mom's friends actually, she has sheep and she goes through the entire process with it, and I got it from her 'booth' at the Heritage Days festival in Warsaw (which is no where near where I live). I have no idea what I want to make with it?? I'm thinking a hat and some socks maybe? it is a fingering weight yarn. Definitely the hat first, and then if I have enough yarn left over the socks. It's so soft and squishy, and I really love it.

and then the blues are for a project for my sister in law.... she kinda volunteered me for it, but it'll only take me a couple days at most. It's for a pixie from Harry Potter. The yarn is nice and soft, and I guess I'm looking forward to the challenge, but also she's just...... It's complicated.

And that's it from me! Thanks for reading <3

[angelsanarchy]

Alone Together - Eddie/OC One-Shot Series PRT 24

Prt 1 - Prt 2 - Prt 3 - Prt 4 - Prt 5 - Prt 6 - Prt 7 - Prt 8 - Prt 9 - Prt 10 - Prt 11 - Prt 12 - Prt 13 - Prt 14 - Prt 15 - Prt 16 - Prt 17 - Prt 18 - Prt 19 - Prt 20 - Prt 21 - Prt 22 - Prt 23

taglist:

@thetenthdoctorscompanion @siriuslymooned @samwilsonnsnns @kathaaaaaaa

Dani tried to pack as light as possible for her winter vacation with her mom. She wasn't going to give her any reason to pry into her personal life so she kept the clothes she brought with her as simple as possible. She considered taking her oversized Corroded Coffin shirt that she slept in or even the Hellfire shirt of Eddie's he let her borrow but she didn't want to give her any opening to try and "relate" with her.

"Does your little friend know you're going to be away for the whole week? Dad said he would let him know but I can always stop by his house and let you say happy holidays." Dani kept her eyes out the window.

"I said my goodbyes to everyone I needed to. I let them know if they haven't heard from me in a week, send the search party out." Dani showed no emotion towards her mother's questions. She was giving her the time she had threatened her dad with but that didn't mean she had to give her the attention.

"Have you thought anymore about college? I know you wanted to go somewhere warm. Maybe California? You would look so cute with blonde highlights." Dani rolled her eyes now making sure to address her mom directly.

"I can't live in a place like California with the air quality and humidity. Feels like something my mother would know since I have a lung disorder." Dani gave her a forced smile.

"Look kid, I know you think I left because your illness was too hard to deal with but your father and I were on the verge of divorce way before you got sick. I had to get away from him and his small town mindset. Hawkins might be home but that doesn't mean you need to use it as a safety blanket. There's a whole world out there baby." Her mom reached a hand out and she put her hands in her lap.

"Hawkins isn't home. We were supposed to be your home. You were supposed to love us enough to stick around. I don't plan to live in Hawkins my whole life but I plan to have my own place that includes the people I care about." Dani started to raise her voice making her mother clear her throat. When she parked the car, it wasn't at whatever hotel she was staying at but rather a cafe that had a really nice bookstore attached to the back of it.

"What are we doing here?" Dani asked looking around.

"I figured you wouldn't want to have much of a dialogue with me so I wanted you to be able to have a book or two to keep you company. Plus, I need coffee or else I too will be having a meltdown." Her mom leaned over and pulled the zipper up to her chin and Dani moved her hand. She got out of the car and made sure to go in the opposite direction of her mother to look for a possible book to keep her sane during the break. She had been reading Magician: Apprentice by Raymond Feist but she didn't even think to bring it with her. The majority of her reading list this year had been fantasy novels. She completely blamed the boys for it but she had been enjoying them.

There was always the option of grabbing another D&D book but they were so hard to find now that the "satanic panic" was afoot and the medias relentless push to demonize a stupid board game. It was honestly laughable. Dani found one in clearance covered by a thousand other books, a lot of bibles and how to be the best Christian books were ironically placed atop it. She made sure to shove it down into her bag before returning to the coffee shop to see her mom sitting with Ms. Kelley.

"Dani! It's so good to see you. I was just chatting with your mom about what a joy you've been." Ms. Kelley smiled but Dani didn't like this whole interaction. She did NOT need her mom snooping into her school life, especially with the nosy guidance counselor who didn't seem to want to leave her alone for five seconds.

"Hi Ms. Kelley. There's really no need to talk to her about-"

"So what are her college prospects looking like? She's always been so smart and capable. I think she could go anywhere but I'm just her mom." Dani felt sick to her stomach watching her mom put on this mom of the year front.

"She hasn't shown a ton of interest in one college in particular. We don't spend a ton of time talking about where she would like to see herself outside of this year. I'm just happy when she eats lunch in the building." Ms. Kelley joked.

"Surely she has the grades to get in someplace prestigious. She's got an amazing story of survival due to her illness. How could a college say no?" Dani felt the anger in her belly building.

"I'm not going to use my illness as a free pass to college." Dani crossed her arms over her chest and Ms. Kelley could see the dissension between them.

"Your struggles would make a very good college essay but it in no way guarantees you a spot, Dani. We can schedule something for after break and we can talk about what sort of college you were thinking of applying to." Ms. Kelley was trying to salvage the situation.

"She should have already been thinking about colleges. It's that damn boy she stays distracted with. He has no future outside of a jail cell so naturally she's not focused." Trish rolled her eyes.

"You don't even know Eddie. I don't know who told you-"

"Oh please sweetheart, spare me. The moment I found out he was a Munson, I knew who he was kin to. The only prospects a Munson has ever had was to get knocked up or incarcerated." Trish knew who the Munson's were. The moment she found out that the boy she was talking to was a Munson, she knew he would cause Dani trouble.

"Eddie is actually on par to graduate on time this year." Ms. Kelley tried but Trish just laughed.

"Oh yeah? How many years has he been a senior?" Ms. Kelley didn't respond but looked towards Dani.

"I don't think your friendship with Eddie will stop you from getting into college Dani but I do feel like your focus shouldn't just be on him. You should absolutely focus on a future beyond any silly high school crushes." Dani put her hands down on the table and looked between her mother and Ms. Kelley.

"I appreciate the guidance Ms. Kelley but frankly the only reason I come to your office is because it's mandatory. I, in no way want any advisement in regards to my friends, relationships or future from someone who doesn't know the first thing about who I actually am." Dani explained calmly with venom on her tongue.

"DANIELLE!" Trish raised her voice.

"And you, mother of mine. You don't matter when it comes to my future because you will never be apart of that future." She seethed.

"Happy holidays Ms. Kelley. I will be going back to the car now." Dani slung her bag back over her shoulder and marched back out to the car knowing her mother would give her an earful but she didn't care. She was so tired of tip toeing around people. If there was one thing Eddie Munson had taught her, it was to stand out and be proud of who you are. It was time she start abiding by that.

[remapped-soul]

i was tagged by @c2-eh (and somehow i received the notif just now). and since im sick with covid i have time to do this. tagging @pgaslys @ayceeofspades @sebsrainbowbicycle @luny0 @effervescentdragon @hellow-zach @carlosheinz @theflowergirl and whoever hasn't done this before or wants to do it. i haven't been here much lately so im not sure

name: luna

sign: taurus

time: 12:11 pm

favorite band or artist: florence + the machine, bts and epik high. i wont choose between these 3, you can't make me. they are part of my life as i know it , they (virtually) held my hand through shitty times, especially bts. i miss them so much.

last movie: red white and royal blue - and i gotta say, seeing that after weeks of binging thai bl dramas feels like a child's play

last show: LOVE IN THE AIR. HEAR ME OUT, NO HEAR ME OUT - I WOULD LET PHAYU STEP ON ME, OVER ME, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

when i created this blog: 2016, july. late 2015 i got into kpop and i wanted a fresh start from my other blog so i created this one. this blog has seen many fandoms and many breakdowns and will more likely see much more.

other blogs: neon-hobi - id call this inspiration blog/aesthetic blog. i reblog all this pretty and art and poetry. it's also an archive for my writing projects

do i get asks: sometimes, but not much. maybe because i do a lot of screaming here and not very much interaction. i did get some when i posted my writing or some ask games. i do love to answer them though and especially discuss my latest obsessions, so my askbox is always open for everyone.

followers: almost 300? which is wild bc i got most of these after i got into f1 and it's been an amazing ride <3 also met some of my good friends in f1 fandom <3

average hours of sleep: i always try for 8h but I've been sick and my sleep hasn't been very good tbh.

instruments: none. i d love to learn how to play the piano

what am i wearing: a summer dress

dream job: set design, working on movies/productions and travelling the world. a job that it's not a 9-5 job. i d love to be able to do this. it would mix my 2 favourite things: storytelling and design.

dream trip: a road trip through italy and south korea. i ve been to both countries and i miss them dearly.

favorite song atm: rush by troye sivan (hi eva eye seee youuu). IT SO SO GOOD.

[notebookmusical]

So I did see one clip of a Death Becomes Her song but it was only like 20 seconds but Megan Hilty was definitely being a queen and singing good. I think they released a few songs actually but I just haven't gotten around to checking it out yet so I'll have to see what the music is like and if it's a mix of styles. It does seem like a pretty fun show though and something different compared to other more serious shows. I hope Megan is feeling better now too if she was sick. I hadn't really seen any reviews but that's great if people liked it in Chicago and a good sign. It definitely feels like the kind of show that's more for the audience than critics anyway and i'd be so curious about the death scenes.

Omg what did you think of Little Shop? I never got around to watching the bootleg I had so maybe I could do that this weekend, Since I'm more familiar with the movie than on stage..but I did watch my school's production. That's kinda why I was shocked you never saw it or listened to the whole thing before. Did you listen to the Jonathan Groff version or an older one? I do like him and Jeremy's voice in the songs but don't know if they fit the role if that makes sense haha. What were your favorite songs and were you able to follow the plot? I love Skid Row, Somewhere that's Green, Suddenly Seymour, Dentist and Feed Me. I hope you have fun at Wicked! Are you still seeing it 3 times? My mom had no idea why I wanted to see Wicked again cuz I already saw it..but that was 8 years ago lol. Oh I'm surprised you got your movie tickets already. I would've been nervous seeing it so close to the movie and comparing it and probably liking the movie a lot less because of it. Now I can try to enjoy it more by itself and I'm hoping it can be pretty separate especially cuz apparently part 1 is as long as the musical? So maybe they added a lot of different other stuff? I've already seen a few good reviews but still nervous. I'm probably definitely gonna see Kimberly Akimbo this month..just don't know when but I will for sure tell you how it is. I hope you do the same for me with Waitress, which I've never seen a production of. I haven't gotten to Warriors yet though either..hopefully sometime by the end of the year. I can't believe it's November already!

Did you see Sabrina's tour yet? I think you said it was near the beginning of November. I also loved her performance at Taylor's tour too cuz it's cool to hear Taylor sing other people's songs lol. It was definitely a surprise. I hope you were still able to go and have a good time despite health issues. If you haven't, I hope it's great and I'm always ready to hear your thoughts. I'm so glad you enjoyed my Orla Garland album recommendation! Have you listened to some of my Soccer Mommy recommendations yet? It's okay if you haven't but I loved her new album. It felt short at first and didn't leave a lasting impression cuz it's just slower or more acoustic but now it's growing on me and I love it a lot more now I'm familiar with each song. I knew I would love it but still don't know if I like it more than her other albums for now. This album is mostly similar to her album Color Theory though. My favorite songs are M, Thinking of You, Changes, Anchor, and dreaming of Falling..but I love them all. I also listened to it after I heard Halsey's album which was also more slower, emotional and raw than I was expecting. So in that way the two albums almost went together pretty well. Halsey kinda surprised me with some of the different genres, but I think I prefer her rock stuff best. I'm not sure if I liked it more than her last album which I loved at first listen. Like it felt pretty long at first, but it's grown on me a lot. My favorite songs are Ego, Lonely is the Muse, Dog Years, Darwinism, Panic Attack and the Great Impersonator. I also like Life of the Spider and Only Living Girl in LA. What about you? What were your favorites? I will listen to Gracies deluxe next week.

So Grammy nominations just came out and it's hard to predict who will win cuz there's so many good albums this year. I think they will probably spread the awards out honestly but idk who will win album of the year. It's very hard cuz they're all deserving in different ways. I think Beyonce will only win in country categories though. I think maybe record of the year to Birds of a feather or Espresso probably, but I'm happy for anyone and not that invested with who will or should win since I like it all.

I think I will do some reading today so maybe I'll read more of Intermezzo. What you said about it makes sense so it will probably be a slow read for me too. I also read some more of Book Lovers recently and I'm pretty sure it's my favorite so far as well. I saw someone kinda compare the new book plot to be more similar to something like Evelyn Hugo and that could be interesting as another element to make it different. My sister also said it seemed less like a romance to her and that might be possible too but idk. Also I was the one who asked you about Lessons in Chemistry so maybe I'll start that today and can tell you what I think lol. I also was able to get A Love Song For Ricki Wilde by Tia Williams. I never finished Seven Days in June so I'm hoping I can get back to that too and read them together. I can't remember if you read that one or not but I was liking it mostly until I forgot about it. I hope you're doing as good as you can be and taking care of yourself and I hope you have a great weekend! 🩷🩷🩷

one of my friends from college is in new york right now and she's seeing death becomes her tomorrow night i'm sooooo! i haven't had a chance to look up reviews yet, but i think most reviewers liked it? it looks so good, i really hope i'm able to plan a trip in the spring (or maybe early summer?) to go see it + gypsy + maybe happy ending. i really want to see maybe happy ending, it looks so good and everything i've heard about it sounds so intriguing!

i really liked little shop! i actually listened to a bootleg with joy and borle from when joy woods was in it! suddenly seymour was one of the few songs from it that i already knew and really loved, but i also liked somewhere that's green, grow for me, and skid row!! and yes! i saw wicked on the 10th (front row!! thank you wicked lotto), and then on tuesday, and then i'm going to see it again tomorrow! very exciting! and then the movie next week — lots of wicked over here! have you seen the movie yet? i'm excited to see it, it looks like a lot of people really really love it. i hope you get to go see kimberly akimbo; i'm so bummed i'll be in san francisco/san jose when it's here in seattle :(

i did! i saw sabrina's tour earlier this month too and it was so fun! i was actually in the er the day before so i wasn't sure if i'd end up going to short n' sweet but i'm so glad i went! and we got mamma mia as the spin the bottle song! i screamed when i realized. i think i was happier to hear it than i was most of the songs on the setlist just because i loveeee mamma mia.

and i haven't! i have not actually been listening to new music (or even music in general) lately :( i loveeeed the new halsey, i don't think i have a favorite though! did you listen to the gracie deluxe yet? i think overall TSOU misses the mark for me, unfortunately, but there are a handful of songs that i do really like/listen to a lot (packing it up is one of them).

looking at grammy noms again and i think i would like either: cowboy carter, hit me hard and soft, or midwest princess to win for album of the year. and i would loveeee chappell or sabrina to win for best new artist. and i would also love if either birds or espresso or texas hold 'em or good luck babe won record!

how is your reading going? i opened and closed a book yesterday after reading two pages, so i'm real proud of that. that's all i have to say unfortunately </3 we'll see if i ever finish it.

[raspberry-pudding]

6/3/2024

It's been a very long time since I've posted. I just haven't thought about this account much over the past two-ish months.

I'm in a rough position. I mean, I don't know, I feel like it's rough but I know everything is gonna work out completely fine. Work has made me start smoking 4 joints a day, including smoking throughout my shift now. But I don't have to worry about that anymore because yesterday was my last day there. I've already been able to cut it back down to 2 joints a day, plus some of a bowl at bedtime.

More weed waffling below the cut, as always.

Honestly, I've been so distracted with work that I haven't noticed the negative impacts weed has had on me lately. Which, I don't like because it makes doing it feel more okay to me. If feel likes I'm smoking just to be okay with being alive and I'm sick of feeling that way. Not every day is like this, but the hard ones are.

Sorry if this post sounds a little groggy or weird in language, I've been up awhile and am drinking coffee, but my brain just still isn't here yet. I like writing things out in the morning, though, because it takes me away from accidentally getting stuck on my phone -- which has also been a terrible issue lately. Generally, I can keep myself away from my phone pretty easy because I don't like the notifications or being talked to. But I have been struggling a lot with not going on TikTok and Instagram, and the tendency to go on these apps increases when I'm stoned for sure. I can just zone out on the apps and not even realize what's happening until hours later -- I hate that shit.

I quit my job. Because I started doing a work from home job instead and it was going really great for a month. Until I was told that the company would no longer prioritize relocating me to new projects in the future. So, I could get more work in the future but it sounds unlikely. I quit my job so I could do this one more instead -- it used my degree, it paid well, I thought I was doing really well at it because all my feedback was good. But now, I don't have a job, and while my fiancé and I can live on his check fine, I really liked making money and having my own money to pay for student loans.

My fiancé tells me to look at it all as a blessing in disguise. I'll just say what my job was, why does it matter? I feel so paranoid about someone on here knowing who I am but this blog has literally been nothing but me speaking into the void. I worked at a Starbucks for the past 6 months and at first it was fantastic. I joined a new location and was able to get one on one training before the place opened, so I really got the recipes down and everything. But I stayed about 3 or 4 months longer than I really should have. I loved making drinks, I loved being with my coworkers, but what I didn't love was management and the fact that me and two other girls were always stuck doing everything in that place. I love my coworkers -- but damn, a lot of them did not do a single thing. I didn't even work as much as everyone else and the few days I did work I was carrying the whole weight of the place on my back. Sometimes I got stuck as the only person there and would jump between register, making drinks, making food, and doing prep all at the same time -- I'm so happy we didn't have a drive thru at this location. But I would literally do everything back there, and I think my breaking point was that my manager still acted like what I was doing wasn't enough for her. Not to mention, I'm not a person who has their phone out when they work and I got yelled at for handing someone my phone to watch one video I was talking about while I made the one and only drink order we had. Meanwhile, my coworkers are blatantly on TikTok behind the counter and they don't get anything said to them.

Fuck, this post about recovering from weed just turned into a waffle about my work. But this place is what's made my consumption so awful lately. I forgot the point too -- that maybe this is all a blessing in disguise for me. I was looking for any reason at all to quit. I was busting my ass every day I went in and the manager was starting to treat me like shit more and more -- like I can't do anything right and that I'm a new problem for her to conspire getting rid of. Which, she did with others, conspiring ways to make them quit or get fired and it kept working; and when her attitude with me started changing in this way I knew I was next anyway. I don't even understand why she keeps doing it; someone does something very little that she doesn't like and instead of talking to them, her and the assistant manager just conspire to get rid of them. Until we're short staffed as fuck -- we've been running on 6 employees per day at work when we should have double that because she keeps trying to get rid of people. But then she doesn't wanna hire anyone new because she doesn't want to train them. Well, me and my best friend quit on the same day so now they're so short staffed they have to hire people, because not enough people are there to give days off.

My fiancé has been tired of me coming home for lunch and just breaking down crying and screaming every day. And he's right about how a shitty, minimum wage ass job shouldn't leave me that way. Maybe the purpose of the other job was just to prove that I can find something better and a reason to get away from Starbucks. I really don't know the purpose of any of it right now.

I guess I'm just glad to be away from that place. I'm sad about it because I genuinely liked the work and my coworkers, but I didn't like getting stuck with every part of the job by myself only to get yelled at that I'm still not doing good enough. I guess it's easy to see why I started smoking at work and went up to 4 joints a day.

I really do think now that I'm away from that place, being able to get a handle of how much weed I'm smoking will improve. Like I said, I've already brought it back down to 2 joints a day. I also haven't been enjoying the way weed makes me feel lately, it's more like a headache than anything else. And of course, I think it's a big source of my laziness and procrastination that I used to not have at all before smoking.

I've tried this journey so many times, but I feel really good about this go around. I think I can really do good this time. I've waffled so long today. Thanks for listening.

Iris🪻