#feeling. slightly better. holding on | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pansyfemme · 2 months ago

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taking it hour by hour at this point

#feeling. slightly better. holding on #it’s not entirely the election. but it adds to a growing feeling of things being out of my control #i am an impatient person and i live in the future and the past but never the present. its my biggest fault #but i am trying to breathe and not distasterize over and over again #i skipped class again today. i didn’t have the energy. but im learning its okay sometimes to not overwork myself

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benevolenterrancy · 2 months ago

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Scholarly peak is catching up on recent literature

#bingqiu #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #svsss #sqq #lbh #my art #which is honestly just to say that i've finished the other two print books i was reading #and am now prepared to leap feet first into svsss bk4 #i succeeded in holding off for an entire two weeks. i have the conviction of a wet paper towel.#lets see bk4 was described as - what? - an ''angst and smut pile''??#i am very much looking forward to this #i was promised a story with my snake boy #because i am very much not over zhuzhi-lang's fate so this had better be A REALLY NICE HAPPY ONE FOLKS #anyway have sqq and lbh cuddling and reading as i project on them #i like to assume that as time goes on sqq is able to relax his persona a bit more around lbh #i think he should get to cuddle and bitch about shitty novels #but man sqh is really the ONLY source of any books that have an even slightly modern cadence/style i have a feeling sqq would be very keen #though if i'm being honest i really wonder if sqh could ever bring himself to write fiction again #if you're A Writer it tends to be hard to RESIST you just get an itch to tell a story #but also like... the fear that all of this could happen again... or that the characters you're creating might be REAL and SUFFERING...#yeah... i honestly suspect he can't write anymore and that it honestly probably sucks a lot... but for the sake of this joke he is :P

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catastrxblues · 9 months ago

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EVERMORE by taylor swift (feat. bon iver) — “and i was catching my breath, floors of a cabin creaking under my step. and i couldn’t be sure, i had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn’t be forevermore.”

my #swiftiegiftexchange2024 for @lovesickallovermybed!!!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽

#HIII HII HII how are you <3333 SO sorry for being slightly to the party but HII #i saw that you are currently recovering from surgery and i‘m wishing you all the best and =a faster recovery 💗💗 i hope you’re okay and #are feeling and getting much better every day 💗💗💗#i’m your anon swiftie and it was really nice to get to know you!! 🫶🏽 you’re super super talented and your gifs are so so STUNNING #it was such an honor to be your anon for this event and i had such a fun time making this !#i was SO excited when i saw that some of your favorite ts songs are evermore and idsb. really really sorry i didn’t have the time to make #something for both because my laptop went dead for sometime and i ended up only having the time to make this 😭#evermore the song is something i hold and cherish deeply in my heart too and it was something that has seen some of the worst of my days #and so i decided to do this song for your gift instead!#i can’t really gif much and couldn’t even try #because my laptop in which i had installed ps in went rip so i decided to make you this #(slightly messy sorryy) scrapbook of my view of the song! i tried to incorporate some of the descriptive lyrics and the objects mentioned i #the song and i hope you like it 😁!#and because i think evermore is also something that IS meant to be incredibly personal to the people that listen to it #i decided to include some photos (+added highlights on every lyric that has ever touched me which is almost everything as you can see 😭)#of some of my journal pages on which i rewrote the entire lyrics (except bon iver’s addition 😅) in ‘21 when the song meant to me the most!#i hope you're having a great dayy love 🫶🏽🫶🏽#SwiftieGiftExchange2024 #taylor swift #tswiftedit #evermore #*my edits #nadine.mp3

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acequinz · 4 months ago

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Sometimes I think that the reason I love jgy is-

Because I too spent a long time forgiving my father for the sake of my mother despite his actions.

Then I remember that I love Jiang Cheng.

Because I too had to repeatedly see my mother be hurt by my father's actions and take it out on me.

But mainly I think it's because I can completely understand the need to protect yourself before even thinking of protecting others and constantly chasing for stability even if it rips you from certain things you love because you have no idea how to love right and are beginning to question if you even do love so all you are left as is a shadow of what your parents were with your hands holding desperately onto the few moments you know you made a better choice and lying to yourself that you made the best choice even when your heart screams that you didn't.

#mdzs #jiang cheng #jin guangyao #they totally did end up embodying their parents #but like a watered down version #and they hate themselves the most for it #but they also cant give up living just for that #so they hold onto anything that makes them feel even slightly better

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kaythefloppa · 8 months ago

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Enough time has passed to where I think we can openly admit how WK has gone through seasonal rot within its previous 2 seasons and how the hype of Season 7 along with the generally positive reception is a really green flag for the show's quality.

#wild kratts #pbs kids #kratt brothers #martin kratt #chris kratt #pbs kids go #2d kratt brothers #2d martin kratt #2d chris kratt #because season 5 and 6 were.... not good to say the least #S5 took a hard plummet in quality after the Alaska special #Idk how to describe it but episodes felt more flat and basic more often than not despite there being several good ones in the mix too #S6 was slightly better but still felt more two-dimensional and basic and oddly oversaturated (and I don't just mean in the color palate)#I know Season 7's only been out for barely a year and we've only had 8-10 episodes released #But I do think that this season is substantially different than the previous two.#It feels a lot more experimental in its concepts whilst utilizing the show's strengths #Sometimes it works like with Clever the Raven or the Blue and Green special #Sometimes it doesn't like with the Mudskipper episode #But you can tell that they've some ideas in mind that you definitely wouldn't find in other seasons.#It genuinely makes me both curious and optimistic. Bc again it took 2 years to film this season.#There's definitely more time put into the writing process as earlier seasons.#I'm gonna hold some reservations until the season ends but it's shaping up to be pretty good so far.

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pallases · 28 days ago

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quite pleasantly surprised by wicked movie but i Will say we were robbed of elphaba leaning in close to glinda saying “come with me to the emerald city” followed by glinda’s “i’ve always wanted to see the emerald city” while looking deep into her eyes arms around her shoulders twirling elphaba’s hair

#not sure if this was unique to the last time i saw wicked but either way. shoutout to those two leads fr 😘✌🏻 <- that’s me kissing #two fingers and holding them out btw #personal #other notes:#- fiyero looked too old sorry but he did perform pretty well #- still unreasonably annoyed by ariana’s eyebrows being so pale and blending into her skin under certain lightings esp when they gave her #giant black lashes like at least be consistent 💀#- otherwise pretty pleasantly surprised by her performance there were still moments esp when she laughed where i was like this is too #‘ariana’ and not ‘glinda’ enough but for the most part she did wayyy better than i had anticipated #- the instrumentation to vocal balancing was weird throughout but i’m not sure if that came down mostly to it being in theatre vs on a home #tv ik it can depend on how they designed it #- was not a fan of nessa or madame morrible the way both of them sang and even how madame morrible spoke sometimes came off very stilted to #me i did like nessa’s spoken delivery tho #- not sure how but i had no clue abt the kristen/idina cameo ahjdf the way my mom #grandma and me all gasped #- cynthia did well i wasn’t concerned abt her initially but then saw the way they were marketing with her and got a little worried bc it #wasn’t very ‘elphaba’ but she portrayed her personality great #- they paced defying gravity weird i wasn’t super fond of the end. the bit where she’s falling and facing her younger self i was like okay #this is a cool change actually but then they interrupted in the middle again after that and suddenly cut to the ‘nobody in all of oz’ bit #and i went mmmm don’t like that #- liked the effects!#- wasn’t overly fond of jeff goldblum as the wizard but i suppose there is time to change my opinion there with act ii #- enjoyed what is this feeling flipping btwn so many settings to show how much they were clashing in every respect #- costumes!!#- was slightly bothered by autotune first half and then im not sure if they cut back on it or if i just got used to it #- probably more stuff that i might add later but can’t think of rn. overall nice experience don’t plan on rewatching anytime soon but still #intend to see part 2 #wicked 2024 spoilers #<- for the cameo mention mainly

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dykedvonte · 9 months ago

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If Ulysses has a million haters, then I'm one of them. If Ulysses has one hater, then I'm THAT ONE. If Ulysses has no haters, that means I'm dead. If the world is with Ulysses than I’m against the world.

#this is slightly joking but like also not but also like am mixed on Ulysses on many factors #infuriating because i sympathize with his pain but it’s like #he is a well written and fundamentally flawed character whose hypocrisy I found doubly in #black characters I can tell were designed by white people with a semblance of an understanding of activism and bipoc oppression #but not enough for the character to not feel like hand holding for the majority white audience #plus personal grips with the whole twisted hairs thing and reference to slave braiding patterns #Ulysses irks me as a black person on a weird personal level and I can go into debt on why him being black is a big detractor for him to me #like he continues this cycle of distancing himself from his roots before remembering over and over again through his actions #he leave so much in his wake that the courier ends up correcting or helping like in honest hearts and old world blues because he’s self #righteous in a subtle way even to himself that he believes he stand out of his one man rule when he does not play an active hand #saw a post talk about how you choose to continue moving through his story and can leave at any moment and this it is partially your fault #but what of the oath that is set before you and is forced to take that he set up #I do not have to walk it but when I do the steps are not my own but those taken for me #you have to go out of your way to change it which is not something he expects because he’s playing by a story he’s been perpetuating in his #head about you two and the effect one man has when he’s continually been that one man more so than you as many of his actions directly lead #to the one you go through also the irony in the flag he continues to bear being the real reason he has no home #like he reps it when the package is likely enclave and thus use the same symbol #also still can’t get over how anyone could have delivered the package and he tries so hard to act like it was the couriers destiny or fate #when this was the one case of chance and that once man was likely a enclave engineer and how it’s really is never one man #it the process and he’s so annoying about it like he’s a cool character but if you don’t believe in his philosophy or already went through #these ideas cause they are very common talking points in poc especially BIPOC spaces he’s just old hashings and stunted #fallout #fallout new vegas #Ulysses you upset me but I’m like I feel you could be better if you weren’t so incessant #I don’t think I ever want to make a serious post stating this about him just because I’d start yapping and it’d never get finished #ulysses fnv #fnv ulysses #lonesome road

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rowlfthedog · 1 year ago

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Honestly Rowlf himself is probably awake already. He’s in his kitchen brewing hot coffee. Not to drink, but as an accessory to sit next to him when he retires to the living room and dies in his recliner for another few hours, all so he can say he woke up early. To be fair he might’ve just wanted to see the sunrise and- imagine him playing piano all nice for himself while the house is still dark and he feels all nice and he’s still sleepy…

#okay guys I’m still gonna try to go back to sleep in a little bit but I feel slightly better #I’m gonna perhaps stay awake a little bit longer so my body isn’t desperately trying to say HEY YOU GOT EIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP ALREADY #migraine jacking up my whole sleep schedule #I should’ve gone to bed at like 1 am last night #but anyway. I’m going to hold one of my rowlf plushies and pet his ears #barks

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fictionadventurer · 11 months ago

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I thought that it was stupid that Brandon Sanderson had the narrator of Tress of the Emerald Sea call all the unnamed sailors "Dougs" when he could have just called them, you know, sailors. But then I started using the term. Turns out having a word for "yes, we know that realistically all these individuals have unique identities and personalities, but they're not the focus of this story so we're going to treat them as faceless background characters" is surprisingly useful.

#random thought of the day #because i was thinking way too deep into the portrayal of the nurses in artful dodger #and getting a bit worked up at how they're shoved aside (as usual for medical dramas) and not treated as real people #and then i was like 'calm down they're just dougs in this story it's okay'#(and then the next ep had one of the nurses call the girl a witch and i was like 'oh they remembered they have feelings. good work')#(and i felt even better)#incidentally despite my one and only post about that show being an angry nursing rant i am enjoying it #the girl's stupidly modern face and extreme entitlement are annoying #and i did skip part of ep ii because i'd just prefer not to watch relics be the butt of the joke #(even though they looked to be heading a slightly-less-offensive route than expected)#and ep 3 is going more soapy and melodramatic and less fun #but i do like that they have a 'young idealist versus experienced fatalist' dynamic going #soundtrack is fun #anachronism stays mostly on the fun side of the scale #fagin is shockingly amusing (i had expected more of a 'creepy blackmailer holding the past over his head' instead of 'chaotic criminal dad'#and i like that they're showing some restraint #(the deciding factor in watching it was my extreme surprise that a historical original was tv-14 instead of ma)#so we'll see how long it lasts but for now i'm not regretting the decision to watch

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oh-meow-swirls · 8 months ago

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how does the raft not capsize.

#puppy rambles #yo-kai watch #yw3 #i mean komasan's not there in canon 3 so it's slightly better but not by a lot #i feel like someone should at least be falling off how is the raft also big enough to hold them all-#whisper floats so he doesn't add weight or any space really but like #it still needs to both hold the weight of three teenagers and two yo-kai #AND have the room for them all to fit #the rafting challenge in bada-bing tower is probably worse cuz it has to fit two additional yo-kai #i think komasan not being that important in the mainline games is very lame. he's pretty important in the anime so it's kinda weird #he is at least somewhat important in 3 since he's there for the yopple tour and everything in bada-bing tower #whereas in 1 he has the auto-befriend yo-kai curse (only being important in their debut chapter)#and in 2 he literally only shows up during the jibakoma quest in psychic specters #(excluding being an npc during the beginning of the jibanyan's secret quest alongside a bunch of other yo-kai)#idk what's weirder the fact they made him so important in the anime despite that or the fact they never made him important in the games #i personally go with the nyanderful days continuity that he also moves in with katie cuz that makes sense to me #i've literally never written anything where nate's the one who gets the watch in 1 so idk what i'd do there-#(funny how i've never written anything that's in the same timeline as canon-)#i want to at least write something at somepoint where nate and katie both get watches cuz i like that idea #i mean i have a dumb au idea where nate and katie independently get watches at the start of 1 at around the same time #and take an extended period of time to realize #mostly just haven't actualized that cuz 1) i already have the rewrite and 2) i don't have enough ideas #basically just have the basic concept-#these tags got derailed quick. and also make me really wanna work on the rewrite more-#i have so many ideas but i'm just not motivated to write any of them #and also most of them are for 3 and i haven't finished rewriting 2 yet 😔#‚‚‚ anyways-

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a-quiet-autumn · 11 months ago

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it sucks to have to be scared to update the game, no matter the size of the update, because you have no idea if it's going to break your game or not (not to mention going through the process of updating your mods)

#sims rant incoming!#i think a lot of sims fans (regardless of the game(s) they're a fan of) are just tired #tired of updates breaking their sims / their saves / their cc #tired of ea releasing broken buggy messes and having the audacity to make us PAY just for something to not work #tired of simulation lag making the game unbearable (especially for lower end devices)#tired of bugs that cause sims to get stuck on top of furniture / eyebrows/hair colors to change randomly / sim faces getting warped #idk it just sucks so bad to be a sims fan bc the only thing holding this community (and the games themselves) together are the mods #without mods and cc the sims (especially 4) would be unplayable because of how boring it would be #having to have mods to fully disable pack/base game features because they're not even slightly tuned (think fears/dust/etc)#or alternatively having to have mods to add in certain features or make certain features work properly (or better)#tired of bugs NEVER getting fixed and being fully ignored for months or even YEARS #and they don't even tell us they know about it so they can get away with ignoring it for as long as possible #not to mention the fact that TO THIS DAY if you want lgbtq+ rep in your game you have to PAY for it bc none of the lgbtq+ sims are base gam #(unless they changed sexualities of base game townies and idk abt it)#idk overall the sims (specifically 4) feels like a dumpster fire #i personally have no interest in a sims 5 because whats the point #why are so many simmers willing to scoot all the shit thats happened with the sims 4 under the rug under the guise of the sims 5 being good #do we really think the sims 5 will be any better when half the decent features are locked behind packs #certain features people paid for in packs are now base game so what was even the point in paying (like hot tubs)#idk everything about the sims 4 and the way it's continuously handled is so poor that i have no hope for any good quality content #maybe we'll get a decent kit or stuff pack here and there #but if we can't even purchase them without an item FULLY WARPING your sims face (ON RELEASE MIND YOU) what is the goddamn point

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yappacadaver · 8 months ago

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im still so tired mang like fuck. fuckkkk

#i dont have anyone in my life who gets it like no one i know is trapped like i am it seems #i just want to know how to fix it all and myself yk #more than that though i just wish i had someonewho could stomach fighting this by my side. i genuinely dont think i can do it alone #like i feel like im slowly drowning in mud #and everyone wants to stand at the edge and cheer for me for a bit but like i dont need that #i need a hand #or 10 #but no one wants to get themselves all muddy and it's generally frowned upon to ask anyone to get themself all muddy #and it's also frowned upon to freak out at the people cheering and i dont even want to do that like.#i dont hate the cheerers. I dont want ppl to feel bad. when im slightly better i appreciate it for what it is.#but it just. really emphasizes that feeling of untouchableness ig. and sometimes i feel like a show #ik it's just like. i wasn't properly socialized as a child and i dont know how to experience gratitude or how to place value on the words #and platitudes that seem to really help other people feel better #but like the second i think about it it's like yea i can do a lot of things to make myself FEEL better. for like a second or two #but nothing fundamentally changes in my life so what is that even worth?? genuinely? and for what it costs is it even a fair trade?#idk what im trying to say but basically. if you've offered verbal support to me-- thank you. and im sorry it doesn't have the desired effec #i too wish i wasn't like this. i too wish my problems started and ended in my own feelings.#kindness is kindness and it should be appreciated as such. pls dont let my mental breakdown convince you otherwise #just know that this is me keeping a lid on it and not getting myself another involuntary hold

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greyias · 1 year ago

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I've literally never interacted with anyone on here (heavy social anxiety turned me into a lurker before I could even post) but I went through what you're going through with your mom right now with my dad as a kid and it sucks. So. Much. I know there's probably nothing I can say that'll help or make you feel better, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry, and you're not alone. I'd say I'd pray for you guys but I don't want to overstep any religious boundries, so I'll just say good luck. ❤

Thank you for the kind words, Nonny, I'm sorry to hear about your dad and hope things are a little better/easier now. It has definitely been a Week™ (or week+ at this point) on this side of things, and I appreciate the support ♥

The situation seems to be an ever evolving beast, but at least as of this moment I'm writing things seem to be back on an upswing? It's definitely one of those situations that has to be taken one day/one moment at a time because it gets to be a little much otherwise.

#it feels weird to post or talk about it much #because the progress is just all over the place #so i feel like whenever i give any progress update #it almost immediately gets dated #but i guess at least as of this posting things are looking slightly better?#still holding off on surgery atm because the issue may resolve itself?#idk ask me again in five minutes the answer may change #i also hear you on the social anxiety #it took me a long time lurking #before i felt comfortable enough to start reaching out and talking to people #if you ever feel up to a dm tho feel free to reach out to me ♥

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago

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through all the practice sawashiro fights ive done this morning ive decided he has a really weird grudge against eri for whatever reason

#snap chats #IM CRYING #THE PAST LIKE FIVE RUNS HE'S TARGETED HER THE MOST #there was a run where joon-gi got the shit of it but for the most part it's just been eri #and she'll be on the cusp of health and ill be like 'well i can just heal next turn' and then Next Turn happens and he beelines for her #LIKE LEAVE HER ALONE SHE JUST SELLS CRACKERS WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE. feminist king he's prioritizing the woman #bro found out her company's called 'ichiban confections' and saw red. literally Lol Hi Ichi #anyway. ive figured a new strat to get out of his second phase faster since that's The Problematic Phase #in my notes it says to buy two (2) rocket launchers before leaving sotenbori but i cant ?? find out where the second one's meant to go #one of them's meant for kiryu but after the kiryu fight i have in my notes to buy two more so. and you can only hold two launchers #this aint RE4 shit where you can just rocket launcher your way through the game LMAO #but yeah BEGRUDGINGLY listening to yokoyama's speedrun advice for once #ive routed in a rocket launcher as soon as the second phase starts #with any luck At Most i'll only have to deal with one or two cane strikes #so if i can just buff out the timing then this fight shouldn't be all that scary anymore #im slightly skeptical on my numbers since in this file i have adachi was one level short of getting the essence of shield rupture #so i had to do a little extra grinding but i dont think it'll be that different from a live run. i just want to perfect the guarding anyhow #y7's stats arent really revolved around your party member's levels its more around their equipment. level's important sure but not overly s #i thiiiink im getting better at it: ive figured that when he uses vile mutilation during the first phase it's a quicker guard vs vile enmit #just gotta get the feel of it down..#after my class i think im gonna have a Boss Fight Practice stream #im p sure i have a speedrun save right before the millenium tower and i think im gonna quickly make kiryu and ishioda ones #since im right here anyway #ok by i have twenty minutes Until that class lmao

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the-amber-droid-dreams · 1 year ago

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i hate that i made it my whole thing that im so Not romantically jealous and that im always 100% cool and chill with all that comes w being polyam bc im having a hard time w my gfs newest relationship and i cant say anything about it

#im not even sure if its *jealousy* i just.#it started dating him RIGHT as i broke up w my long term gf (my longest standing and first ever relationship)#who had abandoned me replaced me and ignored me for 6 months in favor of another relationship #my gfs new bf is someone i Also have feelings. possibly for slightly longer than my gf has but theyve only really intensified the past month #and he has zero clue and most probably zero interest. which. yk is fine. but..#and then add the ✨️crushing dysphoria✨️ and almost.. gender envy ?#its just. hes also pre everything but he passes so much better. bc he actually puts in an effort.#and everyone treats him.. idk #like my friends keep joking that him and my gf are at first glance a straight couple even tho theyre not. and it stings ?#bc no stranger would ever think of me as a man #and my gf is / was a lesbian right ? started calling itself a bi lesbian a few months after we got together + its crush on the bf took hold #and at the time i was touched bc it felt like it was adding the bi for Me. bc of My gender.#but now that it and him are together its REALLY leaned into the bi part. like swapped out all its pins and corrects ppl and stuff #like im not even sure if its a lesbian anymore ? which is fine and good that its figuring itself out but. but..#idfk. i just. i wish i was Actually seen like a guy. i wish i had proof my friends didnt view as just some weird bs nonsense to put up with #i wish i could just *fucking ask it* but im too afraid #amber actually saying stuff #vent

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jamesbukkakebarnes · 2 years ago

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#i love how im in the middle of a mental breakdown and im still made to feel guilty abt feeling how i feel #i hate it here!! and its all my fault so i guess theyre right i have no reason to complain #its rly hard to find a reason to not just kms at this point #i doubt it would even matter to anyone besides my pets if i did #i probably wont but god i just want everything to end #im sick of ppl talking so badly abt me for just existing #i felt good abt myself today too!! and now thats ruined bc i couldnt just hold everything in #u would think if u find someone crying u would have even an ounce of sympathy instead of trying to play the victim but i guess not #ignore me #<< okay so i went on a walk and i feel better after talking w my brother so i guess im feeling slightly less like i want to kms #also we saw someone walking their cat!! i guess its the little things that matter idk #no but rpy ignore this i just needed to vent im okay i promise

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