#feeling inadequate
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#feeling inadequate#is that a word#today#for some reason#i got shadowbanned again on twitter yasss#its so annoying#i havent posted anything that weird like ive seen worse#its just a fat guy no pp all that#seems like the less you got followers there the more easily twitter to shadowban you when people report you#its disgusting#i wanna restart so bad but i have tried that#and it didnt work out#the new account is still sitting there shadowbanned for months in 600 followers#i heard that you gotta reach 10k or 20k before shadowban no longer matters#but how am i supposed to reach it if everytime i post a new art i just got hit with one?#and its much worse on instagram#i have stuck in the number of followers for months#my post doesnt even reach non followers anymore#i fucking hate it#tumblr too#the only new followers i got are just sex bots sex bots sex bots#and it always happens when i post art#if i shitpost or post screencaps#none of this would happen#its so fucking discouraging#and my patreon too#6 people left and its because i was too focused on commissions#well how am i supposed to pay my bills if i dont take commissions?#my work is min wage my patreon doesnt even reach 100 like ofc i have to take comms#i just want art and pay bills why is this so hard
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Am I even a sexy trans girl without someone to collar and cage me?????
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It's fine I've never been enough anyway.
#never enough#inner turmoil#mental health#deep thoughts#emotional struggle#personal battles#self-doubt#existential crisis#reflection#troubled mind#dark thoughts#emotional pain#introspection#emotional depth#haunted mind#feeling inadequate#life's struggles#finding peace#self-worth#emotional journey
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why can't my brain just. like that ship. it feels like, as olivia rodrigo said, being on the outside of the greatest inside joke
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Tough day following tough week. Abject rage is all I have left. I need time off.
#rage#irritated#annoyed#feeling inadequate#overburdened#spiteful#frustrated#working under protest because we have no union
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Almost a Life
My life is a series of almosts, never having quite achieved anything.
I almost graduated top of my class and almost got a scholarship.
But I was lazy and didn't put in the extra work, so I was only top 10 and never even applied for the scholarship.
I almost managed to write a book.
But after the first rough draft I have spent all my time thinking about writing and never actually writing.
I almost had a successful marriage.
But I rushed the whole things due to the nature of my work and tried to make it work with someone who I knew was never going to be a true partner.
I almost had a good career as a soldier.
But when I found that the military plays the same games of luck and favoritism as every other job, I refused to play and got out the first chance I got.
I almost graduated with a degree that would take me into the industry I always dreamed about joining.
But I left it behind to build a different life with the woman I loved.Which brings me to the biggest almost of all.
I was almost loved back by that woman.
But she, like everyone else, couldn't quite bring herself to do so. So even though I gave everything and tried harder than I ever had before, thinking THIS is the time things will be different, I was still treated as though I didn't try at all. As just another failure, not even worth missing.
I am tired of almost. Being almost good enough, almost smart enough, almost doing the right thing, almost doing the smart thing.
Just once, I want to be able to say I almost failed, rather than it almost worked out. I want to be able to say, I experienced the fullness of life. Not that I almost had a life worth living.
#stream of consciousness#sorrow#heartbreak#heartache#loss#venting#love lost#almost#feeling inadequate#self worth#still trying#living the struggle#missed chances#wasted potential#failure
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Lost boys
#mayhem art#star wars#anakin skywalker#obi wan kenobi#anakin skywalker fanart#obi wan kenobi fanart#star wars art#this one was sitting in my drafts for about a month. idk why I was holding onto it -cries- anyway#this is shortly after Qui-Gon's death. Both of their lives just got flipped upside down. Anakin is traumatized by having to leave#his mother behind‚ then his Master's sudden death‚ and he's left with no certainty in his future.#Obi-Wan just witnessed his Master die‚ helplessly‚ then having to take care of this little human in his Master's stead‚ meanwhile feeling#wholly inadequate to be so suddenly knighted let alone immediately becoming a Master and taking responsibility for another being.#Both of them losing the constants in their lives. left uprooted. the only anchoring point being each other.#I imagine Obi-Wan wouldn't reach out to Anakin first‚ but if Anakin expressed compassion with him‚ grief‚ and his need to feel secure‚#Obi-Wan wouldn't turn him away#this was just my excuse to give them a proper soothing hug in their time of mourning
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Not all dreams come true. Not everything we wish to get from life is possible or within our reach. And as sad as that is it doesn't mean there aren't some dreams that will come true. We always have at least a couple things we are capable of achieving and gaining. So just because you can't have one thing, one success, doesn't mean you can't have all of the others that follow. It means you don't stop dreaming, you don't let go or give up hope because this is not the end, it's just a sharp corner or change of lanes.
More often than not, the dream you miss out on is the one you were better off without, the one that was supposed to make you learn and do even better with your next one.
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It was the weight of guilt that sent Icarus crashing down a second time; he wondered if he was always destined to be punished for loving something brighter than himself, even in death.
#mhmmmmmm ANGST#this was an overly ambitious piece…but in the spirit of icarus at least i tried B)#words are mine haha B)#inspired by all the juicy depressing tidbits we can glean from their dialogue#exhibit A: I always messed everything up…I just want to be useful to someone for once!#UM…BABY?!?!?#and don’t….dont even get me started on how mel and him run parallel to one another when it comes to feeling inadequate#like…she doesnt see how He sees her and vice versa..#god anyways ill save that for a whole crazy analysis post#hades 2#hades game#hades supergiant#hades fanart#melinoe hades#icarus hades#waxwitch
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jordan playing it off bc they think marie only hooked up with them bc their minds got messed with so they’re acting indifferent towards the situation even tho they obviously like her and she likes them back but now she thinks they don’t like her like that because-
#THE WAY THEYRE IN MASC FORM TOO#THEY USE MASC JORDAN AS A DEFENCE MECHANISM#i could go on about how jordan feels insecure or inadequate after being second place to luke and that’s why they’re so obsessed w being#first and they don’t think marie could actually like them even tho SHE DOES#THE ANGST IM KIND OF HERE FOR IT LMAOOO#gen v#the boys#the boys gen v#marie moreau#jordan li#limoreau#mariejordan#jordanmarie#ship
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OlderDad!Bakugou who gets a haircut and his baby doesn't recognize him and he doesn't want his dad to pick him up 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Bakugou has a cry in the bathroom and you have to spend the rest of the night consoling him.
Also Hiiiiiii, miss u, hope youre gooooood
head in my hands bc of this, just thought abt bakugo growing out his hair a little bit right after baby's birth...takes him months to go and get a real haircut cuz he doesn't wanna burden you more than he already has and by the time he's okay with the thought (but only for "AN HOUR MAX," is what he says), he has a mullet thing going on and all this scruff on his chin🥺🥺🥺
so he gets home with his regular ol' haircut, maybe a little shorter just to account for ... not wanting to go again so soon, and baby's HOLLERING bloody murder as soon as they see him and refusing to be taken out of your arms, doing that thing where they're flipping their face back and forth to dodge a kiss...
it's so tragic bc not even a little cheek nuzzling helps to calm them bc bakugo's CLEAN SHAVEN and smells like aftershave instead of like dad when he tries!!!!!!
and after, you watch him kinda sulk into the bathroom, thinking like aw yeah thats a bummer but also pretty funny, too (esp bc the haircut does look good🫣🤓), AND HE DOESN'T COME OUT FOR LIKE an hour???
....until you finally have to ask him if he's okay in there and you're opening the door to him sitting on the toilet seat, arms crossed and red cheeks a little streaky with tears...
LJFKASDJFADSJK it's the cutest, most sad sight you ever did see!! ofc Bakugo tries to deny it, but the way he tears up again (after you're done assuring him he did nothing wrong) when his baby finally realizes it's him and smiles (and then how he refuses to give them up again until bedtime) has his ass. EXPOSED.
(i love and miss u more than air, earth, water, dirt + HOPE YOU'RE GOOD TOO BESTIE ILY)
#bakugo#HI PYGMY THIS WAS INSANE OF U TO SAY THANK U PYGMY MY BFFL#but sorry u said this and i had to rip the idea right out of your hands and put it straight into my mouth#i feel like i'm high on a drug i really do#bakugo doing that thing where he he refuses to leave baby or u for long periods and fights being told to go do something nice for himself#he's showing up to his first guys night in like 6 months and doesn't know what do with himself#needs a baby picture once and hour#and he gets home to baby asleep in the crib and YES he's upset he missed bedtime but also like. wow. alone time with y/n.#and he just wants to hold u🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and watch a movie and be together#and he;s finally at a point in his life when he's able to admit vulnerability and talks abt feeling like an inadequate dad.#and finally u just have to shut him up by fuc-[redacted for profanity]#oh my god gonna think abt this all night#ALL NIGHT I LOVE U PYGMY#caitie things#kids tw#gen#pygmy lurks
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"When you want to be spoiled, you can be spoiled."
TAIKAN YOHOU (2023) - EPISODE FIVE. COSMETIC PLAYLOVER (2024) - EPISODE FOUR.
#taikan yohou#cosmetic playlover#asianlgbtqdramas#asiandramasource#jdramasource#dramasource#tvedit#*#faiza gifs#honestly ep 4 of cosmetic reminded me SO MUCH of episode 5 of mpw like ............ SO MUCH SO SO SO MUCH.#yoh and natsume just feeling SO inadequate of segasaki and sahashi! segasaki and sahashi just wanting to take care of their boys!#UGH!!!!!!!!!
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It’s hard to believe I deserve anything good when I’ve been subjected to so much cruelty.
#ryan.txt#cptsd#ptsd#trauma#traumatized#like I know I have to believe I’m good enough#but I truly don’t feel like I am#I feel inadequate#I feel worthless#I feel like a failure#it feels like all I deserve is abuse
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big idea!!! what if instead of annabeth falling off the cliff with the manticore!! the manticore drags her to the edge of the cliff so it doesn't fall alone!! and percy sees what's happening!! and wills a nearby water source to take hold of her hand!! because he wants to prove himself as a big three kid!! but the water does not catch her in time!! and percy has to watch annabeth fall into what looks like a dark and bottomless pit!!!
#and it makes perfect sense because percy feels inadequate as a big three kid c#because thalia is now filling the role the he was once held#and he wants to prove himself an equal#but when that obviously doesn't work#he vows to always have her best interest at heart of they ever find themselves in that situation again#and then we'll see percy's character growth on full displsy in the mark of athena season when he fulfills that promise#kind of like andrew garfield spiderman in 'spiderman: no way home'#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo text post#pjo#the titan's curse#ttc textposts#ttc#heroes of olympus#hoo text post#hoo#the mark of athena#moa textposts#moa#pjo tv concept#probably pjo tv spoilers too depending on how things go#percy jackson#annabeth chase#percabeth#percabeth headcanon#percabeth fluff#percabeth angst#percy jackson character growth
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I’ve been an x files fan for years now (since 2008ish) but fan fic has never been my thing. If I wanted to give it another go, what writers or pieces of fic would be a good place for me to start? Thanks! 😊
What a dream request, thank you!
Not much of a fic reader? Hm. I drifted to fanfiction because I wanted a canonical hole plugged in; but it sounds like you're looking for quality.
I'm narrowing these suggestions to long-form fics, and going to try to keep them as "fandom approved" as possible. (I'm also cutting back on the "famfic" recs because that's not everyone's cup of tea~.)
Authors whose works could (one could argue, should) be published as novels, in no particular order:
@amplifyme/Lydia Bower, @aloysiavirgata, @slippinmickeys,
@cecilysass, @teethnbone, @dreamingofscully, @sixhours,
@mashnotesofthemythopoeic/Penumbra, @sigritandtheelves/Darla,
@onpaperfirst, @melforbes, @ghostbustermelanieking/skuls,
Jenna Tooms, @seek-its-opposite, @settle-down-frohike,
@frostbitepandaaaaa, @leiascully, @darwin-xf, Beshter,
@scenes-in-between/scullywolf, @scullylikesscience
Here's a brief rundown on each author, to the best of my abilities:
amplifyme
My mother's embraces are frightening in their intensity, and I can feel her fear as though it seeps from her pores. Mulder's arms hold me easily but fully. And there is a calming effect in his touch. He restores me to myself, makes me strong again. I wish I had taken the chance and discovered that years ago.
-Dance Without Sleeping
One of the OGs. Her writing explores the paths of Mulder's and Scully's minds. The Scully in her stories is pragmatic, matter-of-fact, and protective of her secrets. The Mulder in her stories is tender, predictably mercurial, and secretive, as well. The most direct admittance can be the most damaging, and the most healing. Her longest work is, I believe, Dance Without Sleeping; but my favorite, though short, happens to be Light Don't Sleep. Her Ao3 is here.
aloysiavirgata
“That’s a fair question, Senator,” Scully observes in her liquid nitrogen voice. She leans forward in her seat, just a little, just enough, to remind him that predators have eyes at the front of their heads. Scully crosses her legs and gives the Senator the full force of her blue eyes, the hard angles of her good cheekbones.
She is magnificent, Mulder thinks, smitten. She is Themis, she is Ma’at. One day she will devour the hearts of the unrighteous, his own included.
-Singing of Mount Abora
One of the OGs. She treads the line between poetry and prose so seamlessly you are left, baffled, by her intelligence. Her writing features Mulder and Scully with a little bite: neither are fools, and neither will be trifled with. (They're also wickedly intelligent nerds.) Mulder is Jewish (though that rarely comes up) and was married before (though that only comes up when it comes up.) Canon halts in Season 7, but that doesn't stop her from writing Season 9 masterpieces with Mulder and Scully and their son-- which is where I'd recommend you begin, with By Falling In and In. If that's not your cup of tea, I'd say catch up on her canon divergent Waters of Babylon, Petrichor, and Singing of Mount Abora. Her Ao3 is here.
slippingmickeys
The boy winced and inhaled sharply as her fingers ran over the cleft where the fibula met the talus and she rocked back on her heels, eyeing the darkening horizon. Did he have people nearby? Could she leave him here without guilt? She didn’t really have the time or inclination to take on a project — she and Mulder had tried that before — banding together with other survivors, and it had always ended poorly. And boys his age, as few as she had seen, made her uncomfortable. Her subconscious would scan their features, looking for a genetic echo of the Scully-Mulder’s. Mulder would have to pull her aside and whisper “it’s not him,” and she didn’t have the space in her heart for the guilt. Even now she had to ignore the blue of his eyes and the way his gritted teeth had the same gnathic slant as the only man she’d ever loved.
-North of Zero
One of the OGs. Her Mulder and Scully are practical, capable, sleek survivors. Her writing exists somewhere between the clack of a gun slide and the omnipresence scent of a wild pine forest. She's written extensively on... everything: Colonization, space, POL, case files, mytharc, everything; and well. I'd recommend North of Zero for a starter. Her Ao3 is here.
cecilysass
It’s Mulder, she reminds herself. No matter how long you may have been gone, or what has happened in your absence, you know what to expect from Mulder.
At last he shuffles through the door, and it’s him, definitely him: head bent, looking weary and wilted. He turns to lock the door again, evidently not paying very much attention to his surroundings.
Her heart constricts. “Mulder,” she voices softly.
She can see his whole body go still from behind, but he doesn’t look right away. His back remains to her.
-Pause
One of the OGs. Her Mulder and Scully are weighed by secrets, by their unspoken. Her writing dwells in the silences; and the tones of her work shift depending on the narrative: insular and psychologically exploratory, fast-paced and bitterly overwhelming, slow and unspooling and peaceful-- but always with a bittersweet aftertaste. I would do a disservice if I didn't recommend A Boy on the Beach first; but my personal favorite is Pause (and All the Dead Mulders and Not Orpheus, Not Eurydice.) Her Ao3 is here.
darwin_xf
Mulder. Her genius. Who happened also to be her blithering idiot. A fresh swell of affection overtook her. This is how it was for her, even just talking to him. One minute she was standing in the shallows enjoying or enduring or surviving a day at the beach, whichever kind of day it was. The next she'd find herself walloped and rolled by the rogue wave of her feelings for him. Then she was surfacing, sputtering, salt-blind, struggling to find the steady line of the horizon.
-Vox Mulder: Fired and Wired
One of the OGs. Darwin's writing is clipped and "action" focused. Her Mulder and Scully are fond and quippy and silently torturing themselves with their own repressions or secrets. Vox Mulder: Fired and Wired covers the IVF arc concurrent with Mulder's (secret) brain disease diagnosis; and her notes tearing into canon's handling of the latter arc are incredibly detailed, incredibly satisfying, and incredibly hilarious. Her Ao3 is here.
dreamingofscully
They searched, staying together with Scully’s single flashlight. As she suspected, they didn’t find anything out of the ordinary. The cellar was devoid of sound and light, not a single rat or insect scurrying about. No more traces of the unknown substance.
They followed the trail of viscous fluid back to their room. Their adrenaline-fueled trek left her exhausted, and she was hopeful she would be able to sleep for a few more hours before dawn. Not even her fear could break through the cottony haze that clouded her mind. Collapsing on the bed, Mulder pulled off her slippers.
-Surely, to the sea
One of the OGs. Her writing is practical and pleading-- the veneer that Mulder and Scully front, and the truth. Her Scully has teeth but prefers silence and distance. Her Mulder stubbornly walks the thin line between opening his partner up or closing her back together tighter. Trust-- in each other, in themselves-- can be broken and mended with the right words, the right meaning. I recommend starting with Surely, to the Sea (and my favorite short fic is this one.) Her Ao3 is here.
Frostbite Panda
“I make you a whole person,” she whispers. The slam of sudden memory is heady, destabilizing, threatening to spin her clean from reality.
He leans forward, elbows on his knees, a sound escaping him that she cannot identify. Truth be told, he looks a bit ridiculous— wrapped in a green sleeping bag looking like a dormant pupa, not the wrecked and ruined man he was.
-Four Days on the 63rd Parallel
One of the OGs (I believe.) Her writing is grand and touching, a microcosm of the macro effects Mulder and Scully face alongside, and with, each other. Her Scully is reluctant, doubting Mulder's beliefs but trusting him; and her Mulder is courageous and wallowing, afraid to try for fear of rejection. Four Days on the 63rd Parallel (and its follow-up In a Perfect World) explores what would have happened if Mulder and Scully had been trapped in Antarctica, in a snocat, alone, until help arrived. Her Ao3 is here, and requires you to be logged in.
Jenna Tooms
Then there's the matter of Mulder and his reaction to scissors and the razor. When he was first released from the hospital I took him to his old barber. He made it into a seat, and even let the barber tie the cloth around his neck. At the first flash of the scissors, though, he was up and out so fast for a moment I only stood in the waiting area dumbfounded, the baby in my arms.
He will, however, let me cut his hair and trim his beard--which he grew to cover his facial scars. I let him keep it as long as he lets me keep it neat.
-An Acceptable Level of Happiness
One of the OGs (if I recall.) Her writing is just north of canon, veering off to give us better, brighter spots to land Mulder and Scully. Her Mulder and Scully are soft, seemingly delicate with a touch of steel underneath. They've taken a beating, have internalized that beating, and are being supported wholeheartedly by the other person in their partnership. If you want canon-ish, I'd recommend An Acceptable Level of Happiness; if you want mytharc-ish further down the timeline, I'd suggest Truly, Madly, Deeply, and if you want canon veered off from and returned to-ish after Requiem (16 years later), then I'd strongly lobby for Shooting Star. Her Ao3 requires a log-in, here; but Jenna's works are also on Gossamer (here).
leiascully
“Did you see this?”
She blinked at the screen of Mulder’s phone and gently pushed his wrist until it was at a distance she could focus on. Technology changed but Mulder didn’t. She couldn’t count the near misses with magazines and file folders, the threat of papercuts across her cheeks.
“Ford isn’t going to make Tauruses anymore,” he told her before she’d had a chance to actually read the headline. That was also standard procedure. Mulder was a scrolling marquee of odd headlines and interesting trivia. He was the original clickbait, drawing her in with his promises to change her world and alter her perception.
-Taurus Season
One of the OGs. leiascully's prose captures the essence and magic of ordinary things. Her Scully is secretly a wanderer, her Mulder an errant domestic. There is reciprocity in their strengths and weaknesses; and the world is always more beautifully strange together. I recommend her Visitor series, which rewrites Revival canon along necessary lines. Her Ao3 is here, and requires a log-in.
Penumbra
They slipped among the dumpsters at the back of the building and into the empty quivering night, jaywalking the shadows up the hill streets, ringing the manhole covers. False planetary lights floated about in the foggy sky. Scully opened her fawn umbrella. Mulder glanced often behind them, his fingers pressed into the suspension muscles of her hard young back.
-Bad Radio
One of the OGs. Her Scully is strong and silent and will not be swayed; her Mulder is withdrawn and foreboding. Her most infamous work is Heuvelmans' On the Tracks, but I know her better through this post Gethsemane cancer arc fic: its darkness, its inevitability, its immovable-object-meets-unstoppable-force. Her Ao3 is here.
Prufrock's Love
"He says a horse bit him," Duana translated for her mother. Duana stripped off Lord William's tunic and ruined shirt to reveal the wound. "He damages more clothing..."
Lord William stooped to show Caithrin the twin rows of tooth marks on his left shoulder, still telling his woeful tale....
Not sure what was expected of her and thoroughly intimidated, Caithrin did as she would with her own sons. She made the sympathetic face and clucked over him like a mother hen. Lord William, pacified, settled down on the stool by the fire to let Duana doctor him.
-Hiraeth
One of the OGs. Her Mulder and Scully are messed up, secrets upon secrets, love and miscommunication and chaos towards each other and themselves. Prufrock's prose and dry wit can't be denied; and she's most notably known for Belghor's Prime, a Mulder time-traveling story, and Paracelsus, a Civil War fic that loosely locks into her sprawling, transformative "past lives" series. I, personally, prefer Hiraeth, because the Mulder and Scully I read there aligns (mostly) with my interpretation of canon. Her Ao3 is here.
onpaperfirst
The chip was round and under a microscope the texture looked like fish scales.
The procedure was over in ten minutes. Three tiny stitches at the back of her neck with a gauze pad taped on top. It shouldn’t have worked, but it did.
-Snakebitten
One of the OGs (if I recall.) Her Mulder and Scully are inherently bound, even if the plot has driven a wedge between them. They speak the same language with different words, they work back to each other with lightning speed, they are chummy, they are contented. Their humor is fantastic. Her longest, angstiest work is Snakebitten, a rewrite leading up to The Pine Bluff Variant; but my personal ones are (surprise, surprise) her "part one" and "part two" short fics, Home, Home and Honey Hi. Her Ao3 is here.
seek_its_opposite
She leaves her rumpled partner in the car with the window cracked while she goes to the front desk, glancing back possessively over her shoulder as the woman behind the counter gets their keys. One room, two beds. “I’m not letting you out of my sight, Mulder.”
She keeps seeing him like she found him, on his knees before the ghosts of his childhood. She sees him praying to the barrel of his gun.
-photosensitivity
One of the OGs (I think?) She writes incredible meta on the series; but she's also written one of my favorite short fics, ever (and I have a lot of those.) You can navigate to the rest of her Ao3 through this link, but you'll have to get through photosensitivity first. >:DDD
settle-down-frohike
“I’m fine, Scully,” indignantly going back to the task at hand. And she’d have believed him too, if he wasn’t looking through her, if his pitch hadn’t been a little too high, if he hadn’t forgotten the fact that her shoes were the very last thing to put on and she wasn’t even out of her hospital gown yet. She allowed it out of pity, mostly. Or humor. But his hands shook, fumbling with the laces like a feening alcoholic.
-for the WIP prompt: hospital
One of the OGs. She writes distraught Mulder incredibly well; and balances him with a Scully who is dry, caring, and bouyant all in one breath. I can't rave enough about her short fics (their links can be found here); but I'd recommend this and this and this because they tie together to form a Redux II whole. Her Ao3 is here.
sigritandtheelves
The world is different now, after so much has been lost. It moves a little slower, takes for granted a little less. It is still a dangerous place—because fear is catching and learning that things are not as they seem can make some go mad with denial and rage and terror at the loss of their footing. But it is also more peaceful, in some ways—because loss reminds us to hold love close. Because all the hearts that stopped beating are still felt in their absence. Because people, in the end, come together in crisis. They don’t only tear each other apart.
“I think we did okay,” he murmurs. “With our quarter century.”
Scully leans her head back to look at him. “Just okay?”
“Mm hmm.”
-Advent
One of the OGs. Her writing is pure sensation: cotton and earth and jeans and nine o'clock shadows and soft skin and the tangible grasp of wishes come true. Advent is her longest fic; but I implore you, on my hands and knees, to read all four of her pages on Ao3-- they're not only the gateway drug to other incredible, incredible short fic writers (ghostbustermelanieking, @baronessblixen, @o6666666, all the authors mentioned here, and so many, many more) but are also a shining example of family fic done well-- a very hard skill to pull off. Her Ao3 is here.
sixhours
Back to sleep. Sleep. No big deal. Just go to sleep.
A minute passes, then two. He’s not tired, in fact, he feels incredibly awake. His heart is pounding, a distracting pulse in his ears. The bed is too soft, too deep, too…real. He can hear her breathing next to him, feel the warmth radiating off her body, his senses screaming at the level of detail, the texture, the vividness of it all. Instinct is a dog with a bone, and it won’t let go.
Something’s wrong.
-Lucidity
One of the OGs. Her writing clips along at an even pace, the story driving Mulder and Scully ever forward. Mulder is most often on the outs, Scully most often peering at her partner silently, trying to figure him out and draw him in. But mostly, the two function independently of each other, content to drift further or nearer as long as they are together. I would recommend Lucidity as a primer. Her Ao3 is here.
touchstoneaf
He did not soften, at first. Did not edge away, nor did he lean into her. Much like that awful night when their office had burnt he simply stood cold with shock and while she supported him; the steadfast fidelity of their bond never questioned in the decade that they had been together.
“I was there,” she murmured into his shoulder. /I’ll always be here./ He could accept it now. She was finally able to press her arms about him in the night. Feel the strong bones beneath unblemished flesh; amazed that he was even alive for her to hold after an ordeal that had indeed taken him from her for so long that she had lost all hope. She shuddered and cinched her arms tighter; felt his ribs shift beneath the silky envelope of his skin. They creaked in protest, but he did not move, and she spoke like one driven.
-Amor Fati: Destinata (The Fated Love), Act Three
One of the OGs. So OG, in fact, that the butchery of Season 9's mytharc pushed her to write a mythology replacement. Scully is fearful, anxious, but strong to her core. Mulder is lonely, and loving, and afraid to slip back into dark places. Both push each other to become better than they believed they could be. Her Amor Fati, Destinata (The Fated Love) series is still being written; but it's detailed reconstruction is well-worth the read. Her Ao3 is here.
I separated these two authors out because they're the x and y axes of my personal taste:
melforbes
She falls asleep before him. In some ways, it’s a burden to share a bed with someone, not a pleasure; if he moves, he fears he’ll wake her, but it’s horrible to stay so still for so long, especially when he can’t sleep. But he can see her eyelashes in the dark, and her cheek is squashed against her own pillow, and she checked the room when they arrived to make sure that there were plenty of tissues. Had there been a couch here, even a divan, he would’ve taken to that instead, let her sleep soundly without him. The day of the wedding - he almost tenses at the word wedding, not because he dislikes it but because it feels so strange and unreal, as if it never really happened even though he remembers it so easily and comfortably - they had a makeshift reception in her apartment, just cutting cake with her mother and then sharing slices with the Gunmen after her mother left. If anything, it felt more like a funeral than a wedding reception, so many questions tiptoed around, everything too urgent and human to be a celebration, but between guests, she grabbed part of her slice with her bare fingers and pressed the cake against his face unexpectedly, and he looked at her with surprise, and she laughed in an inward way that made her shoulders move.
-seaglass blue
One of the OGs (I believe.) I have to start here because seaglass blue is grafted onto my heart. Set before Gethsemane, the author based it on a real couple's journey with impending death; and the way she wrote Mulder's POV-- how she kept us always locked in his head each and every day of his honeymoon with Scully-- is forever burned on my psyche. I don't see the emotional damage, if you will, as unnecessary or melodramatic or traumatic-- it's just a window into the slow approach to the end, or a fear of it. (However, if the writing is too "overlapping" or "run-on" for your taste, I'd recommend aloysiavirgata's gorgeously succinct prose, mentioned above~.) All of her works are fantastic; and, oddly, the rest are usually beautifully cozy (if you can find them on her page.) (Note: authors with their own uniquely similar styles include @teethnbone and @enigmaticdrblockhead -- can't recommend their work enough, particularly The Ansted Graft and this list here, respectively.) mel's Ao3 is here.
skuls
They follow Mulder's trail, Scully's heart thudding too hard against her ribs. Skinner is telling her that Mulder wouldn't do anything crazy when it comes, the headache. Pounding against her skull. And then she hears Will crying out: Dad!
Scully bends over, stomach against her knees, clutching her temple. “Scully?” Skinner is saying. “Scully, what's going on?” But she can't hear him over the roaring in her eyes. William is still speaking, rapid-fire in her mind: They're hurting him, Mom, they're hurting him! Make them stop!
In a flash, she can see what William sees. Mulder barely conscious, being dragged outside through the snow. An axe in the hand of his attacker. “Scully, are you alright?” Skinner protests.
-silent conversations
One of the new recruits (I think.) Her writing is an art form: painting broad, sweeping pictures on the tiniest canvases, in the shortest sentences. Her descriptions, characterizations, and dialogue all serve the plot-- not a hair out of place and not a nook or cranny neglected. I will never be over her short fics, but her longer works are crafted carefully, too. If you want a complete rewrite of the entire series' mythology, then the Half-Light universe does it, and does it better; if you want a Season 8 casefile, then snow in april manipulates Mulder and Scully to a very sinister town; if you want Season 7 to properly deal with Mulder's brain disease, encephalon's got you covered; if you want William to stay with Mulder and Scully, William AU (relent, silent conversations, noises echoing, not out loud) bends in that direction; and if you want a complete rewrite of Samantha's abduction, california winter is where I'd start. Her Ao3 is here.
And lastly, do you want to read long-form fill in series? These three are masterfully done.
Beshter
There were few things in the world that Dana Scully could imagine were more arduous in her the world than family dinner night. Perhaps climbing Mt. Everest in the middle of a howling blizzard would be one. Maybe crawling out of the Amazon rainforest with a broken limb would be another. Even walking single-handedly into the desert with just one canteen of water between you and horrible death under the scorching sun could trump the monthly gathering of the Scully clan at her parent's house in Baltimore to have dinner with her parents.
One of the OGs. Her X-files Seasons covers every crack, crevice, and canyon in the show: Scully's life and family separate from Mulder, the journey drawing her closer into Mulder's world, and her own transformation from the green agent she was to the woman of diamond she became. Her Ao3 is here.
scullylikesscience
Over the course of the weekend, Mulder hardly talked at all. When he did speak, he was abrupt, flippant, and sometimes defensive. He still didn’t want to be touched, nor did it seem to Scully that he wanted to touch her. He kept a wall up around him, a protective shield. She tried to give him what she thought he wanted, space and distance, while at the same time trying to let him know that she was there if he needed her. It was a difficult balance. He seemed glad of her company, yet disinclined to talk to her at all.
-Chapter 87
One of the OGs. Her He is the Master of His Fate, She is the Captain of Her Soul series exquisitely fills in Season 7, Season 8, Season 9, IWTB, Season 10, and S11 while filing over and rewriting the incredibly stupid canon decisions along the way. Her Ao3 is here.
scullywolf
Mulder stirred again and mumbled something she couldn’t make out, and she wasn’t sure if he was talking in his sleep or actually trying to tell her something. She leaned over to put her face closer to his, listening.
“They’re not the same.”
She frowned. “What’s not?”
He shifted, blinking up at her. “Moth men. You might think they’re the same as the Jersey Devil, and the circumstances are similar, but they’re not the same.”
“You mean aside from the fact that this is Florida, not New Jersey?”
-Detour
One of the OGs (I believe.) Her TXF: Scenes in Between series plucks one moment from each episode and builds upon it, providing a window into either Mulder's or Scully's psyches. She even tackles Mulder's (alleged) Season 7 brain disease. Her Ao3 is here.
If you want more fic recs, I have lists catalogued under my Collector's Edition tag. If you want even more fic recs, I wrote a fanfic resource post here. And if those aren't enough to appease your hunger, @lilydalexf and @fine-nephrit have pinned master posts that will probably have something for you.
Hope this helped~! And drop back in sometime-- let me know if you read something you enjoyed, or found fanfic still isn't your preference. :DDDD
#txf#fic#mine#rec#thanks for droppin in~#I feel woefully inadequate to tackle this subject#but seriously: drop into their Tumblrs and ask for recs#which of their pieces they'd recommend you read etc.#they love to chat~#long-form fic writers#I'm a short fic lover for life#but these make me want to pull up a chair and read all over again
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