#feat. dream and nightmare

[wishing-stones]

Dreamtale is a Trans Allegory

No, I will not take criticism. Essay ahead.

So on the surface, this is just a heartbreaking story of two brothers driven apart by the horrible nature of people who fear what they don't understand, right? Sad already.

But after picking it apart last night (and with a little input from a friend) I realized that the entire story can be seen as an allegory for transness. Let's examine this a little more closely.

From the jump, Dream is the golden child. He can do no wrong. Nightmare is the social pariah because he is different, he represents something people don't like, and if people both don't understand something and fear it, they tend to hate it rather than learn to accept it as it is. (You can already see where I'm going with this.) By contrast, Dream conforms. He is welcomed and accepted because he does what people want and is how people want him to be. This begins to drive a rift between the brothers; why can't Dream advocate his brother to the villagers? Why can't Nightmare just pretend to be nice, put on a mask for them?

This eventually comes to a boiling point when Nightmare, trying to defend his heritage, the person (tree) that made him who he is, as well as trying to defend himself, is struck down because people couldn't understand him, and that turned into fear and hatred. So, to protect himself, and to try and protect what was left of everything he knew, he transitioned. And he became what everyone painted him as. Evil. Mean. The bad guy. The different one.

Enter Dream, the golden child. He tries to talk his brother down, refuses to acknowledge the new Nightmare, and vows to "fix him." Nightmare Does Not Take This Well. If he can take away that last little spark of goodness (normality/conformity) in Dream, then maybe he'll see what it's like to be the outcast.

Obviously this doesn't pan out well for either of them, but after 500 years of Nightmare learning to accept who he is, build his self-confidence as that new person, and accept the consequences of his catastrophic blowup (massive falling out/no-contact family sweep) he's a little more stable. He has a home. He has underlings who understand him and accept him for who he is (found family) and wouldn't have him any other way.

When Dream shows up to try and "get his brother back" (force Nightmare back into who he used to be) things get catastrophically worse. Nightmare isn't that person and can never be him again. He accepts who he is - why can't Dream? It's not like he stoped being Dream's sibling, he just isn't the meek little bookworm anymore. Dream tries and tries and tries, but to no avail. And Nightmare hates him for it. Nightmare hates that he's trying to shove him back into that box (conformity) and will not have it.

From Dream's side, it's having to come to terms with the fact that a family member has changed so much. He could also be seen as the closeted case, since he put so much effort into making people happy (conforming) and putting the needs of others before himself. He failed to see the issues his brother had because he was too busy trying to make himself acceptable and fix everyone else's problems. If he ignored his problems, his feelings, they'd go away eventually, right? Wrong.

Dream tries to fit Nightmare into that box of his bookwormish, quiet twin again, partially because he misses what they had, but also because this frightens him. Nightmare's change and acceptance of that change is something that Dream struggles with because it's so different from everything he knew. He sees change like this as bad because he's so steeped in trying to make things right (colored perspective/internalized transphobia) that he can't see that... the brother he remembers is still a part of who Nightmare is. He still likes his books. He's still fairly quiet and withdrawn. He still likes learning (and being an insufferable know-it-all sometimes) and a bunch of other things that make him... him. But because the outside has changed, Dream has trouble seeing that the inside, the core personality and foundations are roughly the same.

And, if you're like me and like to see this resolved, Dream has to come to terms with this eventually, and learn to accept that... this is just how Nightmare is now. It's still his brother, he's just different and can't ever be the way he was again. People change as they grow, Nightmare just changed in a way that made it difficult for Dream to see and accept at first.

With that acceptance, Dream can also finally accept that he, too, has changed, and isn't the same as he was before, and it's okay to celebrate that and surround yourself with people who will similarly celebrate your growth and achievements.

Tried to to hit people over the head with things here, but yeah. Pry this from my cold, dead hands. Also they're both NBtM Trans. Fight me.

[eluriart]

Siblings, am I right ?

Dream & Nightmare belong to joku

Killer belongs to rahafwabas

[mulanism]

── ꒰ྀི  ₊˚ SMAU ｡ ꒱ྀི WEIRD DREAMS & THINGS ⭑.ᐟ

꒰ྀི  ₊˚ (⸝⸝ᴗ﹏ᴗ⸝⸝) ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 texting the jjk men after you wake up from a nightmare / really weird dream!

꒰ྀི  ₊˚ feat . . . satoru, suguru, kento, toji, & sukuna .ᐟ ♡ ｡ ꒱ྀི

꒰ྀི  ₊˚ note: i tend to have wacky ass dreams and nightmares often so this is just self indulgent fluff and crack lmao, enjoy! ｡ ꒱ྀི

꒰ྀི  ₊˚ MORE ｡ ꒱ྀི

[sanarsi]

Private lessons

no-outbreak!instructor!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel gives you private horse riding lessons Warnings: +18, MDNI, age gap (reader is 36, Joel is 41), dom!Joel, unprotected PIV, playing with pussy, horse accident, wounds and blood Wordcount: 2,7k An: Oh yeah, cowboy Joel taking care of your wounds and you? The dream came true. Enjoy your meal xx Music I worked with: West Coast - Lana Del Rey

Masterlist

Sunday lessons with Joel Miller became your routine.

The desire to learn to ride a horse turned into a stubbornness that Joel had never seen before. He was honestly amazed to see how hard you tried to tame one of the most submissive horses. And he was even more amused by how you failed at even that.

Joel was usually in charge of young people, school children or young adults.

And then there was you.

The only woman over thirty who fell off a horse more times a day than she was years old. No small feat.

So yeah, Joel Miller was stuck with you.

“Loosen the reins,” he said, watching you slowly ride around the training field.

“They’re loose. Should I let go of them completely?” you growled under your breath. An hour of riding and all you’d learned was that your ass was sick of that damn saddle.

Joel smirked as the horse tried to turn to the side again. And that certainly wasn't the reason you were unconsciously tensing one hand more than the other. You stubbornly tried to put the horse back on the right track, which made the horse neigh disapprovingly.

Yeah, Joel had to admit that he enjoyed your lessons despite everything. He laughed so much it would make his stomach hurt.

"Synchronize your hip movements with her. You bounce off her like a ball," he said again, crossing his arms. You sent him a deadly look and tried to fix your mistake. You really tried.

But suddenly the horse neighed restlessly, changing speed, and you flew too far forward. You squealed, grabbing her neck, then fell flat on the ground. You groaned in pain, turning to the side and bent in half, feeling your crotch burn with pain. You hated that fucking saddle.

Joel quickly found himself by your side, kneeling down to take a closer look at you. His hands turned you onto your back, making you moan louder.

"You were supposed to synchronize your movements, not fall off of her," he commented, amused. His hand touched your temple, making you hiss in pain. "You're bleeding," he said seriously.

You barely opened one eye to look at him. He carefully examined the cut on your forehead until he finally looked into your eyes.

An eye, actually.

"How much can you see?" he asked, holding up two fingers in front of you. You frowned, looking at his hand.

"I don't know. Three?" Joel sighed heavily, and you groaned again from the pain in your head, back, crotch, and everything, actually.

After a moment, his arms were under your knees and back, lifting you up. Ignoring your moans of pain, he moved towards the exit of the training room. You curled up more in his arms as you walked through the stables, the loud neighing of the horses only worsening the pain in your head and PTSD.

Horses would be in your nightmares for the rest of your life, that’s for sure.

"I guess we'll have to go back to basics before I let you ride a horse again," he said amusedly as he walked through the clearing towards his home.

A medium-sized wooden cabin like something out of a movie. Perfectly in Joel's style.

He walked inside with you and immediately the smell of pine, wood and grain hit you. A pleasantly calming mix that sobered your mind a bit. He sat you down carefully on the sofa and you immediately fell flat feeling the pleasant softness of the leather beneath you.

"Am I dying?" you asked groaningly as Joel began rummaging through the cabinets in search of a first aid kit.

"Yeah," he nodded, pulling out more things onto the counter. "But I'll save you, don't worry," he added, returning to you with a few necessary things.

You opened one eye, looking at the table where hydrogen peroxide, a few patches, and some pills were now lying. You groaned painfully as he knelt down by the couch and examined your wound before he got to work.

You obediently lay there not moving an inch as he cleaned your wound and then carefully applied a few small plasters. You winced from the hypersensitivity as he began to clean the remnants of dried blood from your face.

"You will live," he said, handing you two painkillers and a glass of water. You propped yourself up on your elbow, taking a few sips before handing the glass back to him. Joel looked at you for a moment, worried as you winced in pain. "Does it still hurt anywhere?" he asked, to which you immediately nodded.

Bad move because your head was spinning.

You stopped, trying to calm the growing nausea.

"Where?" he said again, starting to wander your face, searching for any wounds he might have missed.

"I hit the saddle" you groaned automatically clenching your thighs. Joel immediately looked at your hips looking for potential injuries. He gently squeezed his hand on your thigh and placed the other on your stomach holding you in place so you wouldn't squirm.

"You probably bruised your pelvis. I can't see any-" he suddenly stuttered, frowning when he noticed the blood stain on your pants.

His hand moved between your thighs to look at the stain that was almost next to your intimate areas. He pinched the material next to it with his thumb, which made you hiss in pain.

"I have to take your pants off" he announced and without waiting he started unbuttoning the button and zipper of your jeans. You lifted your head to watch as he concentrated on each movement.

"You could at least buy me a drink first" you mumbled under your breath and laid your head down again staring at the ceiling.

In one confident move he pulled your pants off your hips, which made you move a little towards him.

"Easy, cowboy" you snorted surprised by his strength. Your pants landed on the floor and Joel's hands immediately pushed your thighs apart. You gasped as you felt his rough, warm hands way too close to your pussy.

"You cut your thigh," he announced after a quick look at your wound. And again without a word he got to work. You hissed as he gently cleaned your wound. His fingers gently stuck plasters to secure the cut.

And with each movement his knuckles accidentally brushed against your clit covered by the thin material of your panties.

You swallowed hard feeling how in addition to the pain you were starting to get hot and all the blood was flowing between your legs.

"Joel..."

"Almost finishing," he interrupted you frowning in concentration as he tried to perfectly secure the wound.

And his knuckles continued to irritate that damn nerve point.

Your breathing quickened as you started to feel too much pleasure from it. You moaned quietly closing your eyes and he took it as a sign of pain that he could accidentally cause.

"Sorry," he said quietly and started to be more careful with his finger movements.

“It’s okay,” you replied, trying to sound normal as his knuckles began to rub your clit slower and more sensually. The fire in your belly began to creep dangerously towards your clit, signaling an approaching orgasm. You clenched your hand on one of the sofa cushions, feeling that you only needed a few strokes to come.

But then his touch disappeared.

"I'm done," he said, satisfied, watching his work. You began to breathe heavily and blinked a few times in shock at what had just happened. "Anything else?" he asked, looking at your face. You swallowed the lump in your throat, trying to act normal.

"Y-yeah," your voice trembled. "My synchronization of movements ended with a battered cunt," you snorted quietly, feeling the weight in your lungs.

Breathing became exceptionally heavy as you lay before him, battered, half naked, and warmed up from the near-orgasm he had unknowingly given you.

Joel's gaze immediately dropped to your hips and panties. He was about to make some dry joke when he saw the wet stain on your panties. And it didn't escape his attention how your pussy tightened, wetting the gray material even more.

Oh fuck.

Joel glanced at your face and again at your cunt, feeling a wave of heat pass through him. The wisest thing would be to withdraw from this situation. But doubt flew through his head.

Because after all, he was only a man.

And you lay before him, wet, breathing heavily.

Oh, you were thirsty.

"Here?" he asked, slowly running his hand along the length of your cunt until his fingers touched the wet spot. You gasped loudly, feeling his large, hot hand warm your pulsating womb.

His fingers pressed against your wet hole until your panties were soaked through. Your breath hitched as his other hand settled on your stomach.

“Or here?” He ran his fingers higher to your clit and gently began to rub circles on her.

A soft moan escaped your lips, unable to respond, too drunk from his touch.

“I guess here,” he nodded with a smirk. His fingers slowly teased your throbbing clit, and he watched as your face turned from pain to pleasure. He used his other hand to hold your stomach as your hips began to push into his hand. Your soft, sweet moans filled the room, hitting his cock as it hardened in his pants.

You wanted him to give you more.

To really touch you.

To sink his fingers into you.

To feel how wet he made you.

But he just gently rubbed your clit through the material of your panties. Fucking torture.

Your head began to spin, not from the accident, but from the orgasm that was approaching like a tsunami. You knew it was coming, slowly, making itself known in every part of your body. Until it finally hit.

You arched your back with a groan and shuddered as the orgasm hit your body. Joel held your hips in place, continuing to stroke your clit. Until you began to tremble in his hand.

He took his hand away and you started to breathe heavily. Your panties were soaked from the orgasm that was still pouring out of you. You rubbed your hand over your face and slowly propped yourself up on your elbows. Your gaze immediately met his, but your attention was drawn to his hand gripping his crotch.

Oh.

He was painfully hard. And his look was enough to show how much he had to hold himself back from fucking you on the floor like an animal.

You swallowed hard and slowly sat down on the couch. You were now like predator and prey. Joel watched your every move carefully, his jaw clenched tightly.

“I feel better now,” you said uncertainly. He nodded without a word. You blinked a few times, clenching your fists on the sofa, feeling something incredibly heavy hanging between you.

But Joel couldn’t help himself.

He stood up on his feet, not taking his eyes off you for even a second. His fingers found his belt, which he began to unbuckle.

“Time for your riding lesson” he said seriously in a hoarse voice. Your mouth fell open in shock as you watched him with those gleaming eyes.

He unzipped his fly and lowered his pants a little before wrapping his hand around his hard cock that was waiting ready in his underwear.

You didn't even register the moment he sat down on the couch next to you and pulled you on top of him. You sat on him with a lost look, resting your hands on his chest.

"Relax, after-hours classes are free," he said with a smirk.

His fingers pushed your panties aside and your snot immediately flew down, staining his boxers. His gaze fell down to your pussy and he hummed in satisfaction before looking you in the eye again.

"At our age, I'd take it as quite a compliment that I've made you so wet," he said teasingly. And a moment later his lips were on yours. You immediately returned the caress and ran your hands down his neck.

Fuck, even his neck was fucking masculine.

His stubble tickled you with every movement of his lips. Your tongues quickly found each other as his fingers found your wet slit. You moaned as he began to spread wetness along your entire length.

After a moment, his hands gripped your hips, forcing you to lift them a little. You pulled away from his mouth the moment you felt his tip just before your exit.

"We'll teach you how to ride a horse properly now," he said, raising his eyebrows encouragingly. Your breath trembled and a moment later his hands forced you to impale yourself on his cock. Slowly, so you could feel every inch of him entering you.

You parted your lips and moaned loudly only when you were sitting all the way on him. Joel gasped as he felt your so damn wet cunt tighten around him. He tightened his fingers on your hips as his cock twitched inside you.

“Forward and back. As if you were rubbing against me,” he began to explain and began to guide your hips. You moaned as his cock gently moved inside you and your clit rubbed against his happy trail. “That’s right,” he whispered, panting heavily.

You tilted your head back, submitting to his strong hands that guided your every move. His cock was still deep inside you, never stopping rubbing against your sweet spot.

“Yeah,” he panted, watching your pussy grind against him. He dug his fingers deeper into your skin. "Now we'll add bumps," he said, forcing your hips to rise with each thrust.

You moaned louder, barely catching your breath as your hips made semi-circular movements, impaling yourself on his cock.

Joel moaned softly and clung to you, attacking your neck with his lips. He bit into your skin, leaving wet marks behind as his hands forced you to speed up your movements. You moaned louder and louder, tightening your fingers around his neck.

“Fuck, you ride me like a pro, baby,” he growled against your neck, impaling you harder on his cock. You nearly screamed as he drove himself into you to the very base. His breathing quickened as he forced your hips into faster but still smooth movements.

“Fuck, Joel-” you moaned, tangling your fingers in his hair. His cock twitched inside you at the sound of your voice.

“Just a little more, baby. You’re doing great,” he panted, feeling your pussy squeeze him perfectly every time he hit that perfect spot.

“Yeah but I-” you stuttered, moaning. Joel looked at you and ran his tongue up your throat, finally biting your chin.

“Cum on my cock,” he breathed, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer to him. You collapsed into his arms as he leaned back on the couch and began thrusting into you. You buried your face in his neck, moaning as he held you in place, thrusting into you with fast and hard movements.

Your orgasm hit its peak in an instant. You gasped for air as you experienced the intense rush, clenching around his cock. Joel groaned into your ear as he felt your cream flow out of your pussy and onto his balls.

“A gallop is always captivating,” he whispered, nibbling on your earlobe before growling throatily as he came inside you.

One hard stroke.

A second hard stroke.

And a third hard stroke.

His cum began to flow from your slit as he panted like an animal against your ear. You groaned tiredly, falling into his arms with all your weight.

Joel tangled his fingers in your hair, hugging you to his chest. He tilted his head back, calming his breathing as his cunt squeezed against him, squeezing the last drops of cum out of him.

“Next lesson next Sunday,” he panted, making you laugh tiredly. He smiled to himself before placing a kiss on your head.

[potatoesandsunshine]

thinking about Her (my college of whispers gambler) at this time

[rishiguro]

hi rin! i recently came across your blog from an angst scenario and i was wondering if you would be able to do a jjk version of “characters throwing their wedding ring” i live for angst haha and i’m really glad i found your blog! also i’m 20!!

JJK CHARACTERS WHEN THEY THROW THEIR WEDDING RING

feat. nanami; toji; gojo; shoko; getou

a/n: angst rules ngl. thank you for your suggestion, i hope u enjoy this (because i for sure enjoyed writing this)

haikyuu version

arguments usually weren’t heated with NANAMI. the two of you believed in open and honest communication so it was rare that either one of you would start yelling. so to say the least, hearing his voice boom in the living room and seeing him so enraged was shocking. you couldn’t focus on him anymore as he continued his rant, face slightly red from his booming voice. but you couldn’t even lift your head to look at him, eyes fixed on the ring laying on the floor — the ring that was supposed to be on his ring finger as a symbol of your eternal love. that was until one second the yelling stopped. as you looked up you saw your husband frozen, gaze downcast in guilt.

loving TOJI could be hard sometimes. he was argumentative, hot-headed and selfish. he didn’t seem to care what buttons he pushed and just how much hurt he would cause. you were terrified to see just how easy he managed to slip the ring off and throw it carelessly to the side right before slamming the door behind him. what you couldn’t see however was him dropping down right after, his back against the wood, with his head between his knees. his breathing shuddered as he clenched his fists, digging his nails into the skin. there was one thing he was sure of — he loved you. could you love him, regardless of how fallible he was?

GOJO was truly special — in one way or another. yet he always made sure to treat you as his equal, because that’s what you were to him. he loved you more than anything and anyone and he never had any problems admitting that. and you never doubted him because he never gave you a reason to. but now you did. “please,” his voice was muffled behind the door, “please let me in” the second you left the room he was right behind you, his pleads for you cut off by the door slamming into his face. “i love you,” he insisted, his hands outstretched. he wanted nothing more than to step into the room and fall on his knees right in front of you, beg for your forgiveness. and he could — but he couldn’t. he shouldn’t. because this wasn’t about what he needed or wanted but about how he hurt you and what you needed from him.

one of SHOKO’s strengths was being level-headed, no matter how serious or loaded the situation might be. she was always aware of what she was doing and of how it might affect others — which is why this hurt even more. she couldn’t explain to herself why she thought for even just a second that throwing her wedding ring, the one the two of you chose together, at you was the right thing to do. she clenched her jaw, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. she should turn around, go back to you, apologize, beg for your forgiveness. and yet here she was, running away from the one thing she loved and hurt the most — you.

GETOU was aware of his faults. he was a passionate and smug man, going so far as to call himself condescending. and while he was confident that he was able to control his emotions and be a good person and especially a good partner, he soon realized that this wasn’t always the case. his face was pale, a shocked expression etched into it. he looked stunned, shaking his head in disbelief with his eyes staring on his hand. this had to be a dream, there was no way he would do such a thing. he told himself he was going to be good to you, always keep you safe and happy. this couldn’t be true, it had to be a dream, a nightmare. but if it was a dream, why wouldn’t he wake up, safe and secure with your loving arm around him?

reblogs are appreciated

[gojosatorubrainrot]

The only real thing in here is you and me

•Summary: you are having a nightmare and Satoru is there to reassure you as the good and caring boyfriend he is

•Feat: Satoru Gojo x Reader

•Content: fluff, hurt/comfort, protective Satoru, insecure reader, Satoru being the perfect boyfriend

•Author's note: since I'm person who usually has nightmares and wakes up in the middle of the night scared and needs to be hugged, I decided to write this if some of you feel identified 🥹

•If you want to get added to my taglist, let me know in comments

Alone

That is how you are feeling at this moment. All your beloved relatives left you to rest in peace in the other side. But that wasn't the reason why you feel that way. You assumed that day would come so you were kinda prepare to say goodbye to them.

You feel alone because of him.

Because you had never thought that among all the people, he would let you at your mercy in this hard path called life.

It's worse than being all alone because of his eventual departure; he left you because he was tired of all of your problems: your complicated relationship you had with your parents before they passed away; your anxiety issues, low self streem and the bad conception you had of your own body; you never loved what you looked like in front of the mirror.

He was patient, comprehensive and caring everytime you came up with any of the topics mentioned before.

But he got tired; tired of each quarrel about how stubborn you were, how you didn't believe all those compliments he gave you, how beautiful you were to his eyes: you believed he was lying like everyone else did during your life.

You always thought he was like them; saying those beautiful words only to make you feel good, cared... loved, so you wouldn't complain about your look nor feel alone ever again.

You were standing in your house entrance dressed with one of his oversized shirts, seeing how his tall frame was walking across the street, to the opposite direction to your house: he was leaving you.

"Satoru, please! Don't leave me!"

You were shouting to him, tears falling down from your swollen eyes, having a tiny hope he would turn around and come back home. You hoped this was a joke, a really bad one: after all, he was the king of jokes.

But seeing your desperate shouts were causing no effect on him, you surrendered; you immediately fell on your knees, head in your hands, crying, sobbing, feeling how your heart was breaking in tiny little pieces because after all these years, he abandoned you. The only thing he had promised not to do so. He lied... as everyone did in your life

"Satoru, come back..." you were repeating to yourself, eyes fixed on the floor in astonishment, still believing this was a dream, you even pinched your cheeks but,then, you assumed this was the most real thing you ever lived through.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

It's a quiet and peaceful night, the room being lighten by the moon, the soft summer breeze moving the curtains while the white haired man, who barely gets some sleep, is looking at your sleeping silhouette, spellbound; he is tempted to trace your pinky cheeks with his long fingers, thanking the gods for letting him to have such a wonderful, kind and ethereal woman by his side.

He is also happy that you let him in, to get to know you more, your secrets, insecurities, your anxiety issues and mostly your low self esteem. He was always aware of when you were feeling uncomfortable or uneasy by only looking at how you usually furrow your eyebrows with disgust and that is when he immediately knows that you are not okay anymore.

He would instantly drop everything he was doing, even canceling meetings with the higher ups so he can spend the rest of the day with his girl, spoling her with her favorite snacks, cuddling in bed while watching her favorite movies/TV shows but mostly; being with you when you most needed him.

Suddenly his daydreaming is interrupted when he feels you started to move in the middle of your sleep, droplets of sweat in your forehead, making some strands of hair stucked to it. You were babbling nonsense; at first he decided to ignore it since you usually have dreams like that, but when you screamed his name in a terrified way all of sudden, that really caught his attention.

By the time you are slowly realizing that all was a nightmare, you feel those familiar arms around you, his chest pressed in your back, feeling his increased heartbeats and his head buried in your neck. You can't help but start crying because you thought your worst fear came true.

You felt relieved, it wasn't.

"Shh shh, it's okay, baby. I'm here" he whispers to your ear, your body still trembling, hard breaths leaving your mouth, shock running through your body, like you were paralyzed. "It was a bad dream, sweets. It wasn't real. The only thing that is real in this room is you and me" he says this giving your cheek smooches as you begin to calm down.

"Toru..." your voice trembles, tears showing at the corner of your eyes, all that you want is being wrapped in those arms, the ones that always make you feel safe, loved and most of all, that the strongest sorcerer, the love of your life, Satoru Gojo, your Toru, is by your side another day.

He breaks the embrace and move in the mattress so he can be in front of you, to do what he does best: to be there for you.

"I'm here, sweets" he cups your face so you are looking at his cerulean eyes filled with worry.

It breaks his heart to see you at such vulnerable condition, being aware of he wasn't able to do something to prevent you from having that nightmare.

He put a strand of hair behind your ear in a delicate way as if you were about to break in tiny little pieces, without breaking the eye contact.

Satoru won't ask you about your nightmare, but, he can guess it was related to him. It's not the first time you woke up in such state; the first time you did it, it turned out you dreamt about Satoru dying in your arms after visiting him in Shoko's infirmary due a bad injury during one of his missions.

It was extremely hard to him to calm you down after you told him every detail of it, so he didn't want you to freak out again, you have already dealt with too much pain during your sleep.

"I'm here, love. I'll never leave you by your own. I never break my promises, especially if they involve the love of my life, you" he says giving a sweet and gentle kiss in the tip of your nose, then, in your left cheek, the other and finally, in your lips. He was pampering you with all the love he has for you, his everything.

It was a kiss filled with love, devotion, adoration but mostly, with care. You close your eyes, your chest inflates with a warm feeling that you only feel with Satoru; you will always feel safe if he is by your side.

"Let's go to bed, baby. Try to get some sleep, and remember, I'm always here no matter what, okay?"

You nodded and let Satoru tuck you in, covering your body with the sheets and then he did the same placing himself behind you, hugging you from behind, wrapping his arms around your waist, his hands placed in your low belly. His face was buried in the crook of your neck, feeling his warm breathing.

That is all you needed. To feel alive, to feel safe, to feel this is real

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

© GOJOSATORUBRAINROT— do not plagiarise, repost, use or translate my works on any platform.

Taglist: @shogunish @msjellyf1sh

[shiny-jr]

outlander

Warning: Yandere. Gender-neutral reader.

Characters: Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Azul Ashengrotto, Kalim Al-Asim, Vil Schoenheit, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia. 

Summary: In every land you travel to, there's a god with elemental powers. But why is it that in every nation you arrive to, the gods attempt to make you stay?

Note: Why has no one done a genshin x twst thing? This is more of a concept idea than anything else. I might do a series with it, or not, or just random posts. Feel free to ask about it or request stuff for it.

This must be a dream, either that or a never-ending nightmare.

Waking up alone on a sandy beach, as if washed ashore, was disorientating. There was nothing else on the shore save for shells and the occasional crab, no debris indicating a wreck and no scattered belongings. All you had on you were the clothes on your back, which were a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt, your pajamas.

In the center of your palms, was a marking you had never seen before, like a freshly painted tattoo in the shape of a tiny key. As curious as the strange new markings were and you wondered how they even got there, there was a larger question looming:

How did you get here?

GRIM

There was a cat on the beach. At least, it looked like a cat. A talking feline, with gray fur and the most impossible feature of blue fire lightly simmering in his ears.

It spoke, just like a human, with a grating high-pitched voice. It was a devilish little beast, with little fangs sharper than his comebacks that he supposed were funny.

The feline pridefully announced his name: Grim.

And when you told Grim your story of how you woke up by the water's edge with no recollection of how you got here and little to your name, the creature didn't appear to care. However, when he spoke of elements being used by people and names of nations and cruel living gods you never once heard of, only then was he very vaguely intrigued. Perhaps it was amusement, as he laughed and called you stupid for not even knowing of The Seven.

That's when you heard a growl, not from behind his fangs but from his stomach. If you looked at him from the right angle, he looked quite scrawny. The poor thing was hungry, you realized.

All it took was an offering of cans of tuna found in an empty cabin nearby, and you had him in your grasp. Following you around was only temporary, he insisted, he'd go along so long as there was food. While a talking cat was not the most conventional of guides, it was better than nothing, especially since he knew basic knowledge of each nation and where the nearest sign of civilization was located.

HEARTSLABYUL

Through the winding dark woods where mysterious creatures lurked in hollow trees and dead end paths, were meadows of flowers and peaceful grooves. However, don't let the tranquillity of nature fool you. In the distance were mountains– not actually mountains, but volcanoes and hot sprints along this land's border.

It's been said that the very millions of roses and other greenery in this land, was formed when ash rained down on dry barren earth for nearly a month. Ash from those very dormant volcanoes that were the backdrop to this perfect scenery, which came in huge black clouds thousands of years ago and blanketed the earth.

A god, an archon, the deity of law that rained hell on earth over thousands of years ago.

Long ago this land was a country of criminals ruled by a god of chaos that reveled in havoc and disorder. Among the mayhem, was a small deity of fire with mighty powers and a vision for a future he was determined to see. Riddle, is what the deity was called.

Riddle gained a number of followers to listen to his words, and he created order. A small feat compared to the many wicked still running about in a lawless land ruled by a god that valued anarchy. So, using newfound strength, the deity of fire drew forth molten lava from the mouths of the northern volcanos, burning all those in its path while the deadly plumes of smoke and ash suffocated those that remained. Atop the remains of the destroyed towns and cities, he built a new nation of order for his loyal followers.

Today, it is a thriving nation filled with flowers and greenery. However, there is one issue. The god of pyro, Riddle, is a tyrant. Every law is expected to be followed without question and without fail, beheadings have become nearly a daily occurrence with the criminals often being charged with mistakingly picking flowers on Wednesdays, drinking the wrong sort of tea post-meals, or playing croquet after five pm.

You were fortunate to be spared after your audience with the god of law, for breaking the rule: one must never bring a cat to a formal affair. Before he could burn you were you stood, you interjected, answering that your companion was no cat, so you had broken no rule.

Well, he promptly apologized for the misunderstanding and in turn, offered to make up for it by inviting you to a tea party. It would be best to except his invitation, afterall, he was the same deity that buried nearly an entire country in lava and ash, then built his kingdom atop their remains. He was a tyrant that beheaded and burned people on the daily. It was wise not to get on his bad side. Besides, he appears to have taken a fancy for you. Riddle implores that you tell him more of your world while you ignore the whispers of rebellion.

There is no leaving Heartslabyul, not without the explicit permission from the god of law. The borders with their volcanoes burn any would-be invaders, allowing passage only to merchants and travelers who have received the pyro deity's blessing. Why would Riddle ever give you his blessing to see you go?

SAVANACLAW

Across the volcanoes and hot springs of the borders, the mountains turn green with dense jungles. Across the river lies the savanna where the world's most wondrous creatures run free. Times have been turbulent, the shaking ground was evidence of troubles with this nation's divine beings, or rather, now single divine being.

Earthquakes have always been a sign of something occurring either for a purpose or unintentionally by someone else. The harsher the quake, the greater the importance of the event. And not too long ago, a ginormous tremor shook the entire globe. Something of major importance had happened.

A god, an archon, the deity of intellect was the new sovereign after tragedy befell his elder brother.

In the past the land was under the protection of the god of strength, a mighty god worshipped by his people. This god had a young heir who was also beloved by the people. However, most forgot or completely disliked the younger brother of the god of strength, a deity of ground, Leona, who had a burning hated for his brother.

Leona amassed followers of his own in secret. It came as no surprise that the common and the wealthy adored the exalted god of strength. However, the poor detested him, because he offered no help to them, no matter how much they prayed and offered what little they had to his alter. Instead, their prayers for mercy and for a change in luck, were answered by the deity of ground. The change of luck came from the death of the former god and his son, paving the way for a new sovereign.

Today, there is uncertainty in the street. Many of the former worshippers of the god of strength believe in one thing. The god of geo, Leona, is unfit to rule. The poor and mistreated have emerged from hiding places in the shadows, filled with newfound confidence for their was finally a god that answered their prayers. However, there remains a growing tension between both factions. Followers of the new god sing his praises, while followers who mourn for his brother believe that everything is falling into disarray.

You were promptly introduced to the god of intellect by his followers that wished to spread the good word. There was something wrong, you and your companion both agreed. How could a powerful god of strength and his young heir just perish without warning? Something was amiss.

This was just a new follower, at least in his eyes. So he brushed you off, allowing you to partake in the best food and drink only his followers had the privilege of receiving. Testing your luck, you decided you would ask him if he knew of a way home. For now you filled him in, explaining your origins and recent adventures. For such a conniving and arrogant leader, he was surprisingly lax. It even appeared as if he wasn't even listening to your words, just dozing off on some pillows. Your words were at least more interesting to him than the rumors of possible unrest.

Perhaps he does know a way for you to return home, but he doesn't want to tell you. It's as simple as that. He likes the new follower, you. Besides, you're not going. There is always the option of traveling further, but why do so when the geo deity has what you need? Leona greatly loathes betrayal from his own worshippers, so you wouldn't leave Savanaclaw to see another god, would you?

OCTAVINELLE

In the seas dwell creatures of unimaginable horrors living deep within the watery depths, across the ocean over turbulent waves there are islands of paradise. The chain of islands composed warm southern beaches and cold northern snowlands. This may be paradise, but a toll must be paid to even get near the islands.

A tax is applied to all arriving merchants wishing to trade and tourists wishing to step foot on the island. It doesn't make much sense, until you see their towns and cities bursting with trade. Business was booming, apparently. The water is clear and pristine, you could see the vibrant coral reefs and schools of fish swimming below.

A god, an archon, the deity of contracts once came from these very waters when there was no land.

Thousands of years ago there was nothing but ocean out this far away from the mainland. That is, until a deity of water appeared from the depths. He promised a new nation to traveling merchants, so long as they worshipped him. The deity introduced himself as Azul.

Azul had grown bored of the dull happenings under the sea, for he had achieved most things beneath the waves. The ocean could not satisfy his endless greed. He had his sights set on higher elevation, with the lofty goal of being just as powerful on land as he was in the ocean. He moved waves, creating tsunamis outward but revealing islands once hidden by water. The merchants took to land and fulfilled their end of the deal, worshipping him while creating a prosperous nation of deals.

In present day, hardly anyplace can compare to the thriving hub the nation has become. However, loyal followers have begun to see his greed. The god of hydro, Azul, is a charlatan. The ocean in all its vastness was not enough to satisfy his desires, it was why he took to land. For the promise of fulfilling prayers, something always must be given in turn or the worshippers must risk going on a quest. But, it is not always as it seems. One way or another, a prayer asking for something will end in the worshipper becoming in debt to him.

In exchange for an answer to the continued question of how to return home, you have nothing to offer for payment except for ideas. Home was modern, this world was not yet on par with the technology you knew. So you offer ideas of inventions, a device to capture an image in time, a mechanism like a box with wheels, a tool to contact someone miles away.

He believes you're quite bright, you think it false flattery to deceive you but you would be wrong. Your ideas are truly brilliant, and will no doubt earn him more millions and influence in other nations on the mainland! Best to take the compliment with a smile, or else this swindler may find a way to trap you in debt. Azul insists you tell him more of your home and your lucrative ideas. Here, a contract, where he shall sell your ideas as goods and you shall reap the rewards! Whatever hearsay you've heard painting him in a bad light, is defamation! Don't fall for it so easily.

Sailing away from Octavinelle would just be a fool's quest. Unless you can escape on a boat that can weather the harshest of sea storms, there is no stepping foot off the island without the risk of drowning. Don't you have more profitable ideas to share with the hydro deity? If not, just listening to your voice would make Azul content than all the gold in the world could.

SCARABIA

Rolling sand dunes stretch as far as the eye could see, and rocky canyons border a savanna. Sandstorms fill the skies like a dark cloud, covering the dry hot land in a new layer of sand once again. Struggle through the scorching days and blistering cold nights, and there will be an oasis in the center between large flowing rivers.

Life follows the flowing waters, and an enormous oasis is planted in the center of the desert. For miles and miles along the banks, are blooming cities and towns. A great contrast to the desert outside, these settlements are overflowing with water, with the greenest gardens and greatest crops.

A god, an archon, the deity of commerce that gave life to a once barren land.

Thousands of years ago, a terrible famine struck the land. All remaining oasis had shriveled up, leading to starvation. A kind-hearted deity of earth took pity on the people. So he decided to extend a helping hand. People would call the deity Kalim.

Kalim used his abilities to create a lush environment, a vast and incredibly rich oasis out of sand in the middle of the desert. When he walked, grass and flowers sprouted from the sand. In days, he managed to create a garden of tremendous size and design, where his new followers could live in peace and luxury by the rivers. Towns and cities were developed, giving way to a grand nation where he resided in comfort and extravagance, surrounded by people that adored him.

Now there is a grand metropolis where there is just as much gold in the markets as there are flowers. The god of dendro, Kalim, is naive. For thousands of years he has been sheltered and treasured by his people. He is oblivious and clumsy, but at the same time he is not foolish. He knows of the people that have attempted to use his abilities for sinister purposes. Although, no one could guess a conniving being plotting against him, resides in his very own palace.

Exciting adventures and thrilling tales, the god of commerce loves to hear your stories of the outside world! First time foreigners are welcomed with open arms, but you are treated as a rare guest with your unique origin. This might just be the most peaceful land you had ever traveled to.

Come, partake in the celebrations! It's easy to forget that such a laidback and cheerful personality belongs to that of a deity that gave life to this region of the desert. Dance, chat, he wishes to do it all with you! The brightness of the fireworks and lively atmosphere is nearly enough to drown out the presence in the shadows you see from the corner of your eyes. A figure with a piercing gaze, watching the jolly divine being with envy in their eyes. With a power as tempting as his, there would be those wishing to snatch it. Kalim distracts you, offering more food and drink with a smile sweeter than any flower.

Why would anyone ever wish to leave this garden that was Scarabia? The outside, the desert and canyons, were harsh and unforgiving. The god of commerce did not wish to see you risk traveling and getting hurt. The dendro deity invites you to stay in the city! Surely you could be happy here with Kalim, right?

POMEFIORE

On elevated lands, between mountains and hills, were endless forests in which travelers often vanished in or were discovered frozen. A winter wonderland, although this wasn't so delightful. It was beautiful, but a deadly kind of beautiful, where you risked being chased by mysterious beasts or becoming lost in blizzards.

The snow may be pure, it may look picturesque upon frozen lakes and lines of white trees, but looks are deceiving. This was once a serene land with a temperate climate, but it has only gotten colder and colder in more recent months until there was not a single spot of green to be seen.

A god, an archon, the deity of curses who was so bitter like the cold that he caused snow to fall all year round.

Stories have told that the land was once warm in springs and summers, only growing cold whenever the divine being was cross. They were frighteningly beautiful and terrifyingly powerful, regal as royalty but at times wrathful. Vil, is what the deity was referred to.

Vil became envious of an emerging figure, so he invoked powerful blizzards and storms. In recent generations, there have been a growing number of his people breaking off into a separate faction that worshipped a younger compassionate god of healing. Enraged by the betrayal of some followers and resentful with biting jealously, many knew that it was only a matter of time before he would snap. This frightening divine being would not accept being dethroned, he would not allow himself to be demoted in the people's hearts.

Civilization continued to thrive, even despite the never-ending snow. And yet, people cannot help but worry what may happen if the cold doesn't let up by spring. The god of cryo, Vil, was pretentious. Anyone who openly voices their distaste for him or a preference for the god of healing, can expect to be encased in ice and used as a display. No one dares to even utter the name of his rival, for fear of incurring his wrath.

Misfortune brought you before the god of curses' throne. Mistakingly his followers had believed you to be worshippers of the god of healing, which you insisted not to know of. You had simply been lost. Maybe it was your gawking at his ethereal appearance, or the compliment you murmured under your breath, but you were not frozen a punishment.

He decided to interrogate you himself, and through his stern questioning you found yourself a nervous mess as you answered honestly but blabbered far too much. Maybe this deity was amused, much like a king would find humor in a pathetic little jester. The divinity that froze nonbelievers into statues for his palace, found you quite endearing. Vil even once smiled at you when you spoke of inconsequential things, warming his heart to which the clouds carrying snow broke apart if for a moment, causing his followers to go into a frenzy fueled by hope.

When leaving Pomefiore is so much as even mentioned, all exits will be frozen shut by the god of curses. Why even venture outside the palace, when you have earned the favor of the cryo deity? Perhaps the land is warmer, but the neighboring nation is dangerous and he forbids the journey. Why would anyone leave after finally melting Vil's icy cold heart?

IGNIHYDE

A forest of dead trees serves as an ominous welcome, or perhaps it was an omen warning incoming travelers. Slopes gave way to valleys, and along the coasts was a heavy mist that painted the vision gray. Homes and buildings, magnificent temples and crumbling feats of architecture, appeared to be floating in white clouds, but in reality they were situated on cliffsides thick with fog.

In the center of the dying forest, there are ruins of a grand temple once belonging to a god that met a tragic end. However, its remnants are closely guarded by mysterious creatures of air that cannot be touched. Legends say the temple was once a place of worship for a fledgling god related to the main god the nation worships today.

A god, an archon, the deity of innovation that has never once shown his face to the public.

Thousands of years ago, a pair of divine beings appeared. They went largely unnoticed for many years, until their brilliant inventions brought awe to those around them, attracting worshippers and diminishing the power of other local gods. The one remaining brother from this pair, is a deity known as Idia.

Idia created wondrous inventions, unintentionally forming a nation of inventors in the process. Withdrawn, dark, and silent, he is quite the unconventional god and yet he begrudgingly rules nonetheless. As reserved as he may be, he is feared among divinity. All lesser gods aiming for his spot are quickly wiped out by his inventions, without him so much as lifting a finger and using his own abilities. They're reduced to mere memories, as nothing is left of them. In times of old, it was once believed that he was a harbinger of death.

On decent days, the sun may shine on the coast, but most days there are heavy clouds and fog. The god of anemo, Idia, is an enigma. Most think him a ghost, for never appearing and for his abilities. The highest families, the most brilliant inventors, even other divine beings may request an audience, but he will never show. No one has ever seen him, all that's known is he is a figure shrouded in black robes like a grim reaper. There are others who believe there are double, because two figures have been spotted once.

You become the first to see his face purely by accident. It seemed he was just as startled of you, as you were of him. Thankfully, you were not going to be blown off the face of the planet by hurricane-level winds. No other god would help, in fact, they wished to keep you here. So you had to turn to him for assistance in finding a way home.

It was only by promising that he could pet Grim, a deal to which the feline disagreed to, did the god reluctantly hear you out. After your explanation, he scoffed as if looking at a simple equation like 2 + 2. Of course he knew the answer, but he wouldn't give out the assistance you needed. The deal was to hear you out, not help you out. He'd become quite bold in the private conversation, a sharp contrast to his previous anxious demeanor. There was no arguing against he who could slaughter gods with a snap of his fingers. Although you aren't as intolerable as other mortals, this he admits.

Departing from Ignihyde is highly unlikely, given how dense the fog is. You cannot even see the ground you're walking on. While, yes, the anemo deity hasn't assisted you, he will, eventually, probably, maybe... You're the first mortal Idia has ever asked to stay, so why would you turn your back to him?

DIASOMNIA

A wall of impenetrable thorns stands in the way, magically opening and creating a clear-cut path through dense forbidding forests lively with critters. The thorn walls close, effectively trapping you. There was something different. It was unlike all the previous nations, the very air itself felt off. With every step deeper into these whimsical woods, it felt as if you were not alone.

Once upon a time, there was a dragon. No one knows how long the dragon has been alive, only that even the oldest tales say he was already ancient way back when. Valleys were shaped by his claws, the rivers from his tail, rare ore came from his fallen scales buried in the earth, the tallest mountains were but small hills to him.

A god, an archon, the deity of dreams is by far the most powerful and most ancient of all divinity in the world.

Peace was his personal preference, as he enjoyed new company which he never truly received due to his fearsome reputation. However, when other divinity sought out his destruction and his home, the deity of electricity raged. Destruction was left in his wake across the entire globe, and everyone came to know the name Malleus.

Malleus commanded thorns to be raised like walls protecting his home, and constant violent storms to ward off anyone threatening to cause trouble. For hundreds of years, no foreigner was allowed to step foot within the nation's boundaries. Anyone that tried would quickly be reduced to ash, and just a number added to the untold amount he's slayed in order to protect himself and his territory. Kind he may be to his own, but to foes he is merciless. With his black horns and piercing eyes, some refer to him as a devil incarnate.

A land unseen by outlanders, it's peaceful and magical in it's beauty. However, it seems that while your presence may be surprising, it is not a shock. You're taken by knights in gray and black, escorted away. The god of electro, Malleus, has invited you to his castle. There is astonishment and disbelief in people's eyes, a foreigner alive and well. Most like you would have been reduced to particles before they could even step foot past the thorns.

Much to your horror, or relief, once you're brought to the god of dreams, he seems delighted to have you here. It seems your presence was expected, as all he said was, "So you've finally come to see me, hm? I was beginning to grow concerned that perhaps I would have been left out of your list of destinations."

This was the last option, the only one you could turn to in finding a way home. Surely, the most ancient and powerful deity would hold the answer and assist you, since he had been so kind as to allow you inside his nation. Although as welcoming as he may be, you must remember that despite his fang-toothed smile and the twinkle in his eyes, this man– no, god, was archaic and all-powerful. He must have killed more people than you will ever know, wiped out whole armies and flattened entire nations. Malleus tilts his head at you, requesting that you recount your tale, with every minute detail.

This will be the end, there will be no escaping Diasomnia. Of course, you shall not know until later. For now, the god of dreams delights in your stories. You were the first guest he's had in thousands of years, and one of the few who did not wish to slay the legendary dragon that was the electro deity. Malleus knows what you desire, he has seen it in your dreams. However, he will not be kind and grant you what you sought. If he did, then what he desired would then vanish: you.

[star-girl69]

The Last Time

Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Demigod!Reader

—-

Part One - The Last Time

Part Two - Cowboy Like Me

Part Three - Tomorrow Never Came (coming soon!)

Part Four - Living Legend (coming soon!)

Part Five - Pretty When You Cry (coming soon!)

—-

synopsis: the last night you spend with clarisse before she goes on a quest

a/n: had to put my own take on the clarisse leaving reader behind to go on a quest SORRY Y’ALLLLL this is like devastating fr tho i’m kinda sorry like 😭

The Last Time - Taylor Swift (Feat. Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol)

warnings: angst, like so much angst i’m gonna say it 5 times, angst angst angst angst angst, angst, hurt comfort and also hurt NO comfort bc i’m evil, kissing, cutesy until it’s not but it never really is, i felt like choosing pain, y’all should start calling me she-devil this is just so mean and evil, swearing, fighting, allusions to death, daddy issues lol, tell me if i missed anything!!

—-

June 4, 12:08 PM

It’s a cold summer night. You sneak out of your bed, sheets slipping off of your shaking body, the same memories playing in your mind. It always comes down to this, the nights.

In the dreams, she doesn’t come back to you, and the nights without her are so cold, so lonely, so horrible you can stand it. They’re only in your mind, but they hurt just as bad. It’s not every night you slip into each others beds, but whenever you have a nightmare, you find your way to hers. Whenever she has a nightmare, she finds her way to yours.

You both have nightmares about the same things.

The usual cryptic prophesies, the various monsters you just can’t seem to kill, and losing each other. Demigods die. They die easily. You both know that.

Some people swear off love.

And Clarisse told you she wishes she could, she wishes she could pretend you aren’t her entire heart, but she never had a choice. You are her Achilles heel, her one weakness.

You couldn’t either. You took one look at the beautiful daughter of Ares and never looked back again.

Still, there’s a certain desperation in every demigod relationship. Touches are just a bit tighter, hugs a bit longer. Because you all have lost so much, and you all feel absence heavily. Every time could be the last time.

Your footsteps creek against the porch of the Ares cabin. You open the door only a crack, slipping in silently the way you always do, avoiding the creaky floorboards.

Clarisse is awake in her bed, the corner of the cabin. She’s staring at the moon fiddling with her fingers. You frown, but Clarisse turns to you.

You’re sure you look as wrecked as you feel.

“Oh, baby,” she murmurs. “C’mere, what happened?”

You always ask each other, but you both know.

You crawl towards her, sitting in between her legs, arms around her neck, head pressed to her chest. She holds you up so you don’t have to. You can’t, not right now.

She kisses your forehead and her hand smooths down your hair.

“You went on a quest,” you whisper. You miss the way she stiffens. “You didn’t come back.”

She doesn’t tell you she’s not going on a quest. She doesn’t tell you she’s going to come back.

“I’m here,” she says. “Do you feel my heart? I’m here, and I feel yours. It’s beating so fast, baby, you have to take a deep breath.”

Tears well in your eyes. You dig your nails into her soldiers.

“Oh, Gods, please don’t leave me,” you cry.

She doesn’t tell you she won’t.

“I’m here, I’m here right now. I’m here right now, listen to my heart, baby, listen to my heart.”

Clarisse swallows back the bile in her throat. She tries not to lie to you, she tries. But sometimes, on cold summer nights when you find your way into her bed, and she doubts you’ll remember this in the morning-

“I’ll always be here, Y/N. I’ll always be here.”

—-

June 11, 5:46 PM

If you thought the nights without Clarisse were bad, then the days are even worse. You miss her. You never realized how much she was there, silently, always watching, not until you told her to stay away from you.

You sit at the dinner table, the sun setting. Most of your siblings have left- but you’re here with May, sitting there as she watches you like a hawk and interrogates you.

“You haven’t been the same. Not since, like, last week. And something happened with Clarisse, it’s obvious. I gave you a few days because I thought you were just having a fight, but you’re not.” She sighs and grabs your hands. “What happened?”

“You’ll find out soon enough,” you dismiss. She stares at you with such heartbreak in her eyes.

May is the sibling you’re by far the closest with- you like similar things, and people sometimes think you’re actual full-blooded siblings because you look so alike. She was the first person you ever met at Camp Half Blood, and after Clarisse, she’s the first person you run too. But now that Clarisse is leaving, and she’s already gone, May is all you have left.

You squeeze her hands. Your best friend, you want to tell her, but saying the words aloud makes them real.

She’ll find out tomorrow.

—-

June 8, 10:57 AM

She tells you privately, she smiles softly and leads you into the woods, she holds your hands and touches your face and kisses you like she’s not about to break your heart.

“Why are you bringing me out here?”

You know her like your own mind. You spend so much time with Clarisse, next to her, it’s like you have a window to her heart tattooed on your arm. You know, even when she doesn’t want you to.

“I just have something to tell you. And I wanted privacy.”

She doesn’t tell you it’s not a bad thing.

Your stomach sinks and you hold her hand tighter, and even though she’s about to break your heart she kisses your cheek and squeezes your hand.

“Just you and me, pretty girl. I just wanna talk, okay?”

She leads you to a clearing with a beautiful view of the strawberry fields and you smile, sitting down and letting your face feel the sun. You can feel her looking at you, but the beauty of this place and each other only blinds the two of you temporarily.

“Okay, what do you have to tell me?”

There’s stones in your stomach. Your heart is squeezing, you can physically feel the tension and anticipation in your organs.

You look in her eyes and you pray to every God that it’s nothing.

“I love you, you know that?”

Clarisse never says I love you, and your stomach twists more.

“Of course I know.”

She lays down on her back and opens her arms. She sighs when you lay your arm over her stomach, head on your chest. Her hands grip onto you tight.

She doesn’t speak for another minute, like she’s just soaking you and the sunshine up, like it’s the last she’s ever gonna get.

“Chiron… a week ago, I think, he called me to the Big House.” You hum, staring at the treetops. “Him and Mr. D… they… uh.”

“You can tell me,” you pretend you aren’t scared.

“A quest,” she blurts. “They have a quest for me.”

“Oh,” you mumble, stupidly.

A quest could mean a million different things. It could be an errand for Chiron and Mr. D, or it could be something preordained by the Fates.

She could have a choice or she could not.

“It’s three children of Ares. It’s about some sort of ancient blood feud between my father and- it doesn’t matter. But it- it doesn’t look good-”

You sit up. She follows you, eyes wide, hands splaying around where your body used to be on hers.

“‘It doesn’t look good’? Clarisse, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

She grabs your hands. “It’s dangerous, like any quest-”

“It’s not like any quest though, is it?”

She presses her lips together. “No. No, it’s not.”

“You didn’t accept it, did you?”

She stares into your eyes.

She looks so pretty today, her hair half-up half-down. Her eyes always shine so brightly in the sun- they reflect it. Sunny days with her make your heart squeeze, because it always looks like she’s got suns for eyes.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I am-”

You tear your hands away from her.

“Why- why would you- Oh, my Gods, Clarisse, why would you do this?”

You cry, and she reaches for you, her face twisting into something painful. But how can she expect you to run to her when she’s the one hurting you?

“Just- just not right now. Not until the 13th, let’s just have this together, okay?”

“How, Clar, how?”

She grabs your hands and doesn’t let you pull away.

“My father asked for me, he asked for me. I have to go. I can’t refuse my father, Y/N-”

You rip your hands away. “He doesn’t care about you, Clarisse. But I do. I care about you.”

She rubs her temples with one hand, the other still reaching for you, eyes screwed shut.

“Please don’t be like this. Don’t be selfish, I have to this. He asked for me, Y/N. This is such a huge step-”

“A huge step to him loving you? He’ll never love you. Our parents will never love us, because they’re incapable of caring about us. But you have me, Clarisse. You have me, and I love you so much-”

“You don’t know that,” she whispers. “You don’t know they can’t love us.”

“And neither do you.”

She reaches out to touch the tears falling down your face.

“Clarisse, please,” you cry. “I’m here. I’m always here, and just- just don’t put your father over me, please don’t, not anymore-”

She grabs your face. “I’m not going to choose between you and him.”

You’re full on sobbing now, and Clarisse never cries, but just the look on her face at seeing you cry makes you cry more.

“But I’m here, Clar, I’m here, I’ve always been here, please-”

She shushes you and tries to hug you, but you can’t, not when your mind is spinning to fast, not when you want nothing more than to be in her arms because you know if she just holds you then you’ll shut up and forget. But you can’t, you can’t, not this time.

Not when all the pieces are sinking together.

The only time you see her is when you sneak into each others beds, dates in the woods, secret looks across the courtyard, pulling each other into the bathrooms or sheds or something to make out.

You needed her so bad you didn’t realize that you were never first. You didn’t care, but at least she was still there.

“Did you even think about me when you said yes?”

She tries to hug you again. You stand on shaky legs.

“Y/N,” she whispers, half-broken, half-disbelief. “Don’t do this.”

“I just need a day,” you say, but you both know what this means.

She laughs, runs her hand through her hair.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this. Fuck, I know it’s not perfect, we’ve never been perfect, but I need you right now. Don’t walk away. Don’t be like that.”

“And if I asked you not to walk away? If I asked you not to be like that?”

“I’m not being like anything!” she yells. “You’re the one who’s being a selfish brat.”

You cross your arms and look at her. You want the ground to swallow you whole. You want to jump into her arms and never leave.

“Don’t, okay. Just don’t. Stay, and we’ll talk, I’ll try, you know I’m not good at this but I want to try, we have to try for us.”

“Clarisse, there’s no us anymore. You’re leaving.”

“Not until the 13th, Y/N. We could have something so good if we just… pretend.”

You could play pretend with her for hours. You could be married and you could live in a place where no monsters can touch you, where there’s no one to hide from. Where there’s no memory of her father, no axe hanging over you.

“I don’t want to pretend. I want you.”

But it’s Clarisse. It’s the girl you love, and you’re young so you believe you can fix this.

“Don’t go,” you say, crossing your arms over your chest.

You’re both glaring at each other, stupid teenage girls who fell in love too hard too fast, and now you’re scrambling at the world changes around you. You love her so much, but you finally realized that she doesn’t care about you, you’re her secret, and you haven’t had a backbone for so long but you will have one now.

“He asked for me. I already accepted. I need you right now, so stop being selfish and accept it.”

“How am I being selfish? How am I being selfish for not asking you to kill yourself? For asking you to put me first, for once?! You never put me first. I see that now. You never-”

She scoffs. “We both know that’s not true.”

“But I don’t, Clar. I don’t know that’s not true. So tell me, show me, make me believe it’s not true-”

She crosses the distance between you, even though it feels like a thousand miles, and plants her hands on your face. She kisses you, she kisses you like she loves you but not enough to stay.

But you kiss her back. You kiss her back, because she’s the love of your life. You’ll always come back like a kicked dog, like a ball on a chain. You’ll always come back to her like you go back to your bed each night- mindlessly, wordlessly, because it’s routine. Because you sleep in your bed and you need sleep to live, you need her to live.

She pulls back, breathing heavily against your lips.

“You are the only person who matters to me.”

Your grab her wrists and take her hands off your face. She tries to resist you, keep touching you, but it’s halfhearted because she’ll always end up doing the little things that you want.

“Only because the Gods aren’t people.”

“Y/N, stop.”

“Why do you go back to him? Why? Again and again, you go back even though he feels nothing for you- and you know it-”

She steps back, takes your hands off of her wrists.

“I-I’m sorry,” you breathe, you see the hurt on her face. “I didn’t mean it, I didn’t, it’s just, I love you-”

She blinks and stares at you like you just broke her favorite toy.

“I-I should go.”

You want her to say something, you want her to protest, you want her to kiss you again.

“Maybe you should,” she agrees. “Before we both say more things we’ll regret.”

Her face twists back into what she lets everyone else see, that hard mask of indifference, of cruelty and ruthlessness.

How can she hold you so tenderly and look at you like this? How can you pretend you’re still the girl she loves when the fog clears and you realize what you said?

“Yeah.”

You turn and leave the clearing, you can’t look at her hurt face anymore, tears streaming down your face. Clarisse stays there. You swear you hear the sound of muffled crying.

—-

June 12, 3:46 PM

Chiron announces the quest. It’s dangerous, that’s what he says, and he didn’t want to cause commotion in the camp by letting it come to light.

Are you horrible for wishing you had found out now? You would have had this untainted time with Clarisse. You would have loved her. You wouldn’t have had to pretend, because it would be real.

She’s selfish at every turn. She only tells you when it’s convenient for her to tell you, when she knows it’ll ruin it, ruin you, and lose this time together.

Her and her siblings stand next to Chiron.

She stares at you the entire time, and you don’t look at her once.

May hugs you when she hears, and you don’t speak, because how can you speak when everything is wrong? Everything is broken?

The mirror is broken, and what you thought you saw is no longer there. You only see your shattered self.

—-

June 13, 12:38 PM

You lasted maybe 20 minutes. You went to bed early, slept fitfully for a few hours, and woke up gasping about another nightmare- the same one you had the last time you slipped into Clarisse’s bed. You barely remember the nights you have nightmares, but you always know you go to her bed and she holds you, tells you it’s alright.

The dream, anxiously waiting for her to come back, spending your nights alone but warmed by anticipation and hope- and she just doesn’t. She doesn’t, and it all becomes dark and dull in the dreams and they turn into nightmares.

You cry and you scream and you curse the Gods for not bringing her back to you, but no one can hear you. You’re laying in your bed screaming and your siblings are gone, you know Clarisse is, and you feel so alone.

Feeling so alone it makes your bones shaking is terrifying. And you should be used to it. But you got used to Clarisse and her warm body. You got used to her touches, her words, the way she made you feel even just being in her bed- you could always sleep in her bed because she was there.

After she leaves, would anyone notice if you snuck into her bed? Would anyone notice if you laid your head on her pillow and pretended it was her chest? Would anyone notice if you slept in the shirts she left behind?

You last 20 minutes staring at the ceiling before you’re up.

You don’t care if Chiron will catch you. You don’t care if the entire camp will see you, you never did, but a private relationship was nice. It was yours and hers and no one else’s.

Private is different from secret.

Your feet sink into the soft grass, wrapping your arms around yourself, legs freezing in a cold breeze. You stop, looking at the Ares cabin.

The Ares cabin is just a house full of the best fighters at camp. Everyone looks at it and feels a little safer. You look at it and feel safer.

You’re filled with dread but you don’t care, because you know she’ll let you in, you know she’ll let you into her arms.

The door to the Ares cabin whips open.

Clarisse is there, feet turned left, toward you and your cabin behind you.

She stops and stares.

“Sorry,” you breathe. “It’s your last night, and I…”

“I know,” she says.

You step forward, all you want is to forget, all you want is one more peaceful night. As soon as you step up onto the porch Clarisse grabs you and pulls you in tight for a hug.

Her hands are spread wide across your shoulder blades, her body is pressed to yours, her head hooks over your neck.

“You’re so cold,” she whispers, because that’s all you can say when you don’t want to talk about the things that really matter. Of course she’s warm. She’s like your own personal heater, always warm and always comforting.

She lets go after a moment, hesitantly, but winds your fingers into hers. She leads you to your bed, you avoid the freaky floorboards better than her-

“I never have to be quiet in here,” she whispers. “It’s funny.”

You hum, she urges you onto her bed and climbs in behind you. You face the wall, breathing in heavily, shivering as she wraps herself around you. You didn’t realize how cold you were until she was holding you.

You didn’t realize how damaging this relationship was until you were so wrecked by it.

You didn’t realize how much you loved her until she was leaving.

You can feel her wanting to say something.

“Shut up,” you mumble, holding her hand.

She laughs.

“Okay, whatever you want.”

You remember this might be the last time you’ll ever hear her laugh.

This might be the last time she ever holds you.

“Don’t cry, please,” she begs, kissing the back of your head. “If I can’t talk you can’t cry, I hate when you cry.”

“I can’t,” you breathe, shoving your face into her pillow.

“Hey, hey,” she murmurs, flipping you around so you’re facing each other. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

You don’t think she’s ever apologized this much in her life.

“It hurts me too,” she continues, you press your face into her neck and feel yourself exhale against her warm skin. “If it didn’t have to be like this…”

“It doesn’t,” you mumble. “It doesn’t have to be like this, so don’t let it, Clarisse.”

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” she whispers, her voice cracking just a bit. So quiet only you can hear it because you’re pressed up right against her.

You want to just climb into her, make a home for yourself in between her ribs where you could always feel her heartbeat and always know she’s there.

“Can’t I just come with you?” you cry.

She grabs you a little tighter, like she’s annoyed just by the thought of you being in danger. “No, Y/N. No, you’re going to stay here at camp, and you’ll be safe. I made my siblings promise to look after you, you’ll be okay without me-”

Her siblings are the only ones who know, but that’s only because every once in a while Clarisse won’t let you leave and you’ll oversleep and they’ll see you in her bed.

She swears them all to secrecy and as their cabin leader and their sister, a fellow child of Ares who’s doomed to want someone they can’t have, doomed to hide in the shadows- there’s so many campers who sneak into the Ares cabin at night, and you all ignore it.

There is a certain desperation with demigods and love. Every time could be the last time.

You wish you could swear off love, you wish you could, but Clarisse has you so wrecked you can’t breathe without thinking about her. You run on her, like she’s coffee or sunshine, she’s the IV stuck into your arm, and you don’t want to imagine living without her.

You think of a future without her and it’s just blank.

She holds you tighter and let’s you cry, louder and louder, muffled into her neck. She says she’s sorry but she doesn’t mean it, she can’t, and you don’t care. You can’t care, not right now, not when this is the last time.

“But I’m here right now, okay? I’m here right now, so just listen to my heart.” You grab onto her, trying to keep her here with you- but she won’t. She’ll go. She’ll leave you, and there’s nothing you can do.

You realize with such a startling finality that this is the last time. How deeply you feel it in your heart, not a pain but just an ache, an emptiness- it’s almost beautiful how it washes over you like a wave, like your heart stops and you’re just left a shell.

You breathe in wildly, but you can’t catch your breath, not when she’s half-here, you’re stuck in this hazy reality. Fading in and out. Her heartbeat. Her breath. Her touch. Her voice.

“I’m here right now,” she says. “I’m here right now,” and it’s the last time.

—-

taglist:

@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss

—-

DID WE HAVE FUN OR DID WE HAVE FUN?!?!??!??

[oswildin]

i’d wanna be next to you (loki x g!n reader)

Summary: Loki made a vow that he would savour every single moment with you. (Inspired by ‘Die With A Smile’ by Lady Gaga & Bruno Mars) - Fluffy, romantic, cute??

A/N: AU where Loki didn’t die in Infinity War but came close. Drabbleish? Idk, but it’s not that long lmao. No descriptors for reader.

Rating: All ages/SFW

LOKI MASTERLIST

I just woke up from a dream

Where you and I had to say goodbye

And I don't know what it all means

But since I survived, I realized

Loki awoke with a start, heart beating frantically in his chest as he sat up in his bed, the silence in his room almost piercing. He let out a heavy breath, a sigh almost, a hand running through his raven curls as he grounded himself to the moment, to his surroundings. He was in his room in New Asgard… His blue eyes flickered to the mattress beside him, seeing your form sleeping peacefully… Alive. Breathing. Unharmed.

Relief filled him, his panic slowly ebbing as he closed his eyes for a second to compose. It had been three years since… everything. Three years since half the universe was snapped away at the hands of Thanos… Three years since Loki almost… The God swallowed, brows pinching together faintly as the memories flashed through his mind. His dreams were almost just as vivid… He often had nightmares of the event, over and over, yet with each one there was a small difference. If it wasn’t him dying, it was Thor… If it wasn’t Thor… It was you. The fear of losing you… It could sometimes be too much to bear.

Wherever you go, that's where I'll follow

Nobody's promised tomorrow

So I'ma love you every night like it's the last night

Like it's the last night

After a few moments, Loki slowly shifted, careful not to disturb you as he nestled closer, your back against his chest, his arm draped gently over your waist as he held you. His face buried itself into your neck, taking in your comforting warmth, your scent, your everything… Reminding himself that you were okay. That you were alive. He felt you shift faintly, a soft sigh leaving you as he felt your hand rest over his around your front.

“You okay?” He heard you mumble sleepily, clearly sensing something was amiss. You always knew. He could never lie to you - a rare feat indeed. He didn’t reply straight away, savouring the quiet, the peace… He let out a quiet ‘hmm’ against your skin, his hold tightening on you ever so slightly. “Sure?” You whispered, thumb brushing against his cooler, pale hand. You knew of his dreams, he wouldn’t tell you all the details, but you knew enough to know that it still affected him - well, of course it would.

“As long as you’re here, I’m always okay.” He murmured quietly, his lips brushing your neck.

If the world was ending

I'd wanna be next to you

If the party was over

And our time on Earth was through

I'd wanna hold you just for a while

And die with a smile

You allowed him the comfort of holding you, feeling his chest rising and falling gently against your back, his breaths against your skin. Minutes passed before you finally shuffled under the sheets, turning in his embrace to be able to face him. In the dim light, Loki’s gaze was soft, his features also soft, everything about him was soft… Especially, when it came to you.

After his near death, the snap… He was reminded how… mortal he really was, how easily his light could be snuffed out. Regret. That was what he had felt, knowing he could’ve done things differently, not been so cold or angry… Envious. It was different to when he fell from the Bifrost, it was a different kind of fear… And he realised it was because when Thanos’ hand was around his neck… He realised he wanted to live. He wanted to finally have the sun shine on him. He still struggled, but after those days, he vowed he would savour every moment he got. Gods lived so long but truly valued very little. Not anymore. He never failed to tell you how he felt about you, knowing now that life was far too precious, too short… Especially for you, a mortal.

And nobody was promised tomorrow.

Ooh, lost, lost in the words that we scream

I don't even wanna do this anymore

'Cause you already know what you mean to me

And our love's the only one worth fighting for

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” Loki breathed out, feeling your fingers brush a stray curl from his forehead, his arm still holding you close.

“It’s okay.” You assured him softly, thumb caressing his cheekbone lightly before your hand moved to cup his jaw. You knew it was another dream. “Who needs sleep anyway?” You asked playfully, trying to lighten his spirits. You could see his lips tug upwards ever so slightly in the dim light, a soft huff of amusement leaving his nose.

“Mortals.” He replied wryly, making you hum in agreement. “And certain Gods who enjoy sleeping next to said mortals.” He added, a hint of his usual mirth returning.

“Well, I do hope that when it comes to one God, it’s only one specific mortal he enjoys sleeping next to…” You teased. “Otherwise that one specific mortal may be a little upset.” You couldn’t help but let your own lips curl upwards gently, Loki letting out a brief, very quiet laugh.

“You are correct… there is only one specific mortal that this God enjoys sleeping next to.” He confirmed playfully, voice full of warmth in the hushed intimacy between you. “Even when they snore- Ow!” You tugged at his earlobe lightly with the hand that had been cupping his jaw, laughing breathily. “I believe you just assaulted the King’s favourite advisor.” He quipped, feigning a chiding tone.

“Val would support it.” You argued, shrugging faintly - well, the best you could in the embrace you were both in. Loki let out an unconvinced hum. “And favourite advisor? You’re her only advisor.”

“For very good reason.” Loki leaned closer. “Because I’m her favourite.” He whispered, as if sharing a secret before he let his nose brush against yours faintly.

Wherever you go, that's where I'll follow

Nobody's promised tomorrow

So I'ma love you every night like it's the last night

Like it's the last night

“I love you, Loki Odinson.” You whispered, matching his softness. It never failed to make Loki’s heart skip and swell as those words left your lips. Every time. To be loved… Wholly and completely… Unconditionally… It was something he still didn’t believe he deserved. But it was something he would always cling to, especially in the darkness that had encompassed the world, the universe, in the last three years… The darkness that had threatened to drag him back many a times.

“And I love you.” Loki breathed, your faces mere inches from one another. “More than you can ever imagine.” His words were truthful, utterly honest and heartfelt… from a God who once wove lies and lived in deceit… With you, he found his truth.

After a few seconds, Loki placed a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth, before his hand moved to cradle the back of your head, arms tightening around you to pull you even closer. Your own arm wrapped around him, burying your face into his chest, breathing him in. He was your hope in the darkness, just as you were his. And whilst you both knew the end was inevitable, that heartbreak was inevitable being a mortal and a God… You couldn’t help but smile. Because if the world was ending…

I'd wanna be next to you

[wishing-stones]

how would everybody (or just the boys if you feel like it) react if they managed to, just. like. somehow meet or interact with 8 year old Dream and Nightmare? like, back before the incident

Ouch.

Killer hardly believes what he's seeing. He's heard about Nightmare looking a lot like Dream before the curse happened, but seeing them together is a wildly different beast. He thinks it's cute how Nightmare tries to defend Dream by pushing his twin behind him, but... Killer is shockingly okay with kids sometimes, so he'd talk them both down. Chances are he wouldn't get out of that without a flower crown.

Dust kind of.... absorbs the situation and sits down to talk with the two of them. He's quiet and gentle. Nightmare is pretty quick to get closer because he can sense the latent negativity Dust has. He tries to play tiny therapist, and it doesn't really go his way... but Dust will indulge them and make daisy chains. He also might go threaten the villagers within an inch of their lives to leave the twins the fuck alone.

Axe is... let's face it, pretty scary. He'd come bearing treats, though, and once it's apparent that he just looks scary, they're both a lot more trusting of him. Dream's attempts at trying to fix the hole in his skull are cute, but Axe has to physically pick him up and set him down to keep him away from it. He teaches them about some simple edible plants and how to make stuff from them without the need for a proper kitchen.

Cross sees the opportunity and takes it. If he can't fix what went wrong in his AU... the least he can do is help someone else try to fix theirs. He appoints himself their guard, so they don't have to worry about anything because he will take care of it. He winds up with a lot of flower jewelry, and before too long, his hood trim is mostly flowers. He absolutely steers people away from the tree and sometimes follows Dream into town. Still... he can only delay the inevitable.

Baggs is very confused, but puts two and two together quite fast. He's very gentle with children, and treats their injuries and scrapes better than they can. He also is adamant about their communication, and facilitates them talking to each other about their problems and frustrations. Just because they're children doesn't mean they get a free pass from therapy. He is also delighted to turn people away from the tree, and... for some reason, they don't really come back unless they really need help.

Ink sticks around for a little bit, does some fun things with them, but he absolutely will not get involved in altering the timeline. He can't. No matter how much it sucks, he can't intervene in canon events. It's in the script, and he can't alter that. He'd make himself scarce before it happened, though. No need to have that resentment follow him.

Blue is the polar opposite and would do everything in his power to protect the mini version of one of his best friends and his twin brother. Blue with a reason to guard something that fiercely is a dangerous prospect, and he's not afraid to put the smackdown on someone for being a jackass to little Nightmare. However, like Cross.... he can only delay the inevitable, not prevent it.

[xxoxobree]

See You Again

Miles G. Morales x Black Fem Reader

WARNINGS: Angst , Sadness, Happy Ending.

A/n: Surprise Shawtayyy‼️ wrote this in like 20 mins 🫶🏽 I love it 🤣

A year has flown by since Miles' father and you, his girlfriend, passed away. Yet, the agony that gnawed at his soul showed no signs of leaving. His grief had descended into a deep depression, which soon morphed into a seething anger. His heartache only intensified as he struggled to make sense of why he had to suffer so much. Why were two of most important people in his life ripped away from him?

Sleep was now a distant memory, and he dreaded the thought of closing his eyes. Every time he did, he was transported back to a time when he was happy, a time when he shared precious moments with you, that only added to his already unbearable pain.

Miles found himself under the spell of his uncle, who had taken him under his wing, using his intelligence for nefarious purposes that he knew would have disappointed you. He was desperate to shake off the haunting memories that plagued him so he took up the mantle becoming The Prowler.

Tonight was like any other night. He slid open his window, using his metallic claws to pry it open, then climbed in, undressing before heading to bed. But as he headed towards his bed, something caught his eye - a glint of light that shone in the darkness. Curious, he approached the object and picked it up, examining it closely.

It was a necklace, one that belonged to you. The very one he had given you, the one that you had lost the day before you were taken from him. The necklace that he had promised you he would help you find the next day. Miles clutched it tight in his hand, feeling the weight of his grief pressing down on him. He slowly made his way to his bed, where he fell asleep, still holding onto the precious necklace.

As he drifted off, his breathing gradually steadied. He soon found himself in a dream, where you appeared before him once again, with your beautiful smile that quickly turned to a frown, your eyes filling with tears. He could hear your weak voice ringing in his ears.

"Miles....Miles, help...I don't want to......... " your voice trailed off the sentence unfinished forever. Miles jolted awake in his bed. His heart raced from the intensity of the nightmare that had just gripped him. He took a few deep breaths, calming himself down before reaching for his cellphone to check the time. It was already 8 am, and he had to get ready for school.

The rest of Miles' day went by relatively normally, until he was heading back home. His head was down, texting his mother about her picking up another shift when he heard it - his name being called. He looked around, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from.

He heard it again – that voice he would recognize anywhere, the voice he longed to hear once more. And there you were, standing on the front steps of his apartment building, waving at him before running over. Miles stood frozen in shock, unable to grasp how you were there.

"Y/n," Miles said, his eyes beginning to well up with tears.

"Hey, Miles! What did you do to your hair? Did your mom do it? I kinda like it," you said, unaware of the whirlwind of emotions that Miles was experiencing in that moment.

You looked just as beautiful as the day he lost you, your hair styled just the way he liked, with your signature pink hair in two puffs. Your lips glistened from your lipgloss, and Miles couldn't help but stare in awe.

Without hesitation, Miles quickly pulled you into a tight embrace, knowing that if he didn't seize this moment, it would pass him by forever. He hugged you tightly, squeezing the life out of you.

"Whoa, Miles, you're gonna crush me!" you said, giggling. It was a sound that Miles had missed so much, and it filled him with a sense of warmth a feeling he never thought he'd feel again.

You tapped him gently, and Miles reluctantly let go of the embrace, still holding onto your shoulders.

"Someone missed me," you said, smiling as your eyes zeroed in on his neck. He was wearing a chain, one that looked exactly like yours, but you had yours on your neck. You gripped your chain, feeling a sense of confusion.

"I didn't know you got a matching one," you said, pointing at the chain.

"Oh, yeah," Miles chuckled. "I thought it was cute."

"That's so cute, Miles," you said, before reaching out and intertwining your fingers with his. Miles' heart skipped a beat, and he swore his head was spinning. You were here, in front of him.

He looked down at your entwined hands, still in disbelief that you were really here. "Miles, are you okay?" you asked, concern lacing your voice as your eyebrows knit together.

Miles took a deep breath before he spoke. "Yeah...yeah, I'm fine," he said, trying to compose himself.

"Okay, well let's go. You promised me you'd carry me to the rooftop, remember? To see your new artwork." You reminded him, eager to see the artwork he had been working on.

You were right. He had promised to show you, but now, that artwork was different. It was a painful reminder that you had died, a reminder that you shouldn't be here with him right now. But he couldn't bring himself to tell you that. Not yet.

You snapped your fingers in front of Miles' face, trying to get his attention. "Miles, hello! You're acting strange today. What is it, my love?" you asked, your eyes searching his for answers.

"It's nothing, mi amor. Come on," Miles replied, his voice unconvincing as he grabbed your hand and led you upstairs. He dreaded taking you up there, too scared that you would leave him again. His heart raced with each step, and he couldn't shake off the sense of unease.

As you two arrived at the rooftop, Miles looked back one more time at you. Your face was radiating with happiness, just happy to be with him. The sight made his heart thump harder, if it was even possible.

He pushed open the door, the cool breeze hit his face. "Here it is," he said lowly, motioning his head to the mural of you and his late father.

Your smile instantly dropped, confused by the whole thing. "R.I.P? But I'm right here," you said, looking at Miles in disbelief.

"Miles, your dad," you whispered, your hand coming up to cover your mouth, your eyes filling with tears. Miles just continued to look down, staring at his Nikes.

You tried to speak, but nothing came out as you stood there, frozen, unable to comprehend the reality of the situation.

"You died, Y/n. Right in front of me, in my arms," Miles said quietly, watching a single tear splat on his shoes. He looked up at you, seeing tears fall down your cheeks. How he hated to see you cry.

He walked over to you, wiping away your tears, a small smile on his face. "You're too beautiful to cry," he whispered, grabbing your hands. "And I don't know if you're a figment of my imagination, if I'm dreaming again, or if I'll ever see you again."

You looked up at him, your eyes filled with love and sadness. "So please," he said, closing the gap between your bodies, his hand on your waist. "Can I get a kiss?"

You nodded, and he tilted your chin upward, placing the most gentle, loving kiss on your lips. It was a kiss you wished could've lasted forever,

[frostbitebakery]

WIP SUNDAY feat. a request for more Gooey-Wan

Sitrep!

That’s how Commander Cody always starts these things, isn’t it?

No, he’s more professional about it.

General Kenobi’s hand drops from his mouth into the abyss that is his cloak, smoke curling up lazily like a predator stretching with these eyes fixed on him, and Wooley takes an involuntary step back.

Sitrep, Wooley thinks an octave lower.

Commander Cody, as previously described as professional, has professionally dogpiled Grievous and is now professionally knocked out after being treated for a professional concussion. Knocked out on the General’s lap which has somehow become the new normal for the 212th. When General Kenobi sits still long enough, someone will inevitably sleep leaning against him or on a corner of the cloak. It’s just usually not Commander Cody.

Wooley pads a finger against his temple, shortcut to asking if the General is up for a mental conversation.

A moment later the General’s pleasant voice drifts into his thoughts. “Wooley, is everything alright?”

He waves the General away. “Major Boil sent me to brief you.” He avoids looking at Commander Cody peacefully sleeping with what might be the General’s hand slowly running through his hair. Instead he’s transfixed by glowing eyes taking up all visibility in the room.

“Of course. Thank you,” General Kenobi says in his head.

A second later what had still been visible of Commander Cody vanishes under a cloud of smoke.

See, the thing is that General Kenobi is kind. Kind and bending over backwards to help everyone who stumbles with a problem into his path. But he’s also been fucking frightening.

Even before the whole drama with the nightmare sludge and their surroundings turning into a horror holo wherever the General walked, he’d make the hair on their necks stand up straight for some unidentifiable reason. He hadn’t even been able to greet them before half the shiny company had crapped their freshly scrubbed armor.

It really really hadn’t been the General’s fault who back then had chosen to appear to them in his human, non-smoking form. But clones are trained to take notice of the purposefully hidden, to quickly puzzle together any hints that their life might be in danger.

After the General had revealed himself to them impressively and with a lot of psychological damage, some troopers hadn’t been able to let go of their concerns and fear. Even asking for transfers.

Wooley is quite comfy where he is, though.

He plops down on the offered chair and dims the light on his pad. “Okay, so…”

Wooley is very much afraid of General Kenobi in the sense that his hindbrain is still working through the fight or flight response to something and someone he cannot actually fight but who could rip him apart bodily and mentally without lifting a finger.

But what helped was sleeping in the cloak, dreamless and resting, or sweet dreams giving his thoughts a desperately needed pause.

What helped was fetching the cheap (“though, one could argue, the very best, my dear”) pudding to talk the General down from darkened corners of various ceilings. To offer the most mundane conversation topics to help the General focus and not lose himself in his nature or the clones’ nightmares.

Really, Wooley thinks, General Kenobi is just some guy, too, in the end. And he watches the General’s eyes snap up, following an unseen tangent before flashing black as the Galaxy’s voids. Feeding time.

[onlyswan]

(in which . . .) the first collection of my drabbles feat. my beloved muse jungkook! ★

navigation: next >

timeline masterlist | main masterlist | spotify playlist | kofi

© onlyswan / i do not allow reposting, translating, or modifying any of my works in any platforms. please do not claim them as yours.

—

FAQ:

• when and how did they meet for the first time?

- answered: in which music waters a wilting flower on a chilly autumn night (refer to second col.)

• how long have they been in a relationship?

- 2018 until present time <3 anniversary date revealed: in which you don’t want to give up on jungkook (even when he gave you reasons to, even if they give you reasons to) [refer to second col.]

• when did the breakup happen?

- june 2019: in which jungkook is giving up on you but you have so much love left to give (refer to second col.)

• there are sexual or suggestive themes/scenes and allusions to sex in some drabbles but i do not write smut/pwp.

—

> “i have created my own worst enemy.” “jungkook, it’s a plushie.”

> “you can lean on me. you can always lean on me.”

> in which jungkook gives you a concussion

> in which one of jungkook’s love language is biting

> in which you have so much love but not so much time

> in which jungkook wants to live forever with you and you love his pretty hair

> in which jungkook likes cooking late at night

> in which you come home drunk and jungkook is confused the entire time

> in which you can’t sleep and jungkook reminisces

> in which you’re jungkook's lip balm fairy and you love his dimples

> in which you’ve found comfort in laying on top of jungkook and you just . . . won’t let go

> in which you and jungkook visit your hometown and a typhoon welcomes you

> in which you and jungkook eat breakfast (in?)front of the fridge

> in which you and jungkook go on an amusement park date

> in which you wake up in the middle of the night without jungkook by your side

> in which jungkook loses you in the grocery store

> in which you and jungkook are just two young souls deeply in love

> in which it’s your turn to take care of jungkook

> in which it’s pouring outside and jungkook is craving s’mores

> in which your feet are hurting but jungkook’s little joys in life are top priority

> in which jungkook is a breath of fresh air and bam loves you

> in which jungkook is team not okay for the perilla leaf debate

> in which it’s jungkook’s turn to steal your clothes

> in which you get your period and jungkook just wants to be with you

> in which you entertain yourself with jungkook’s hair and make a dream come true

> in which jungkook loves much harder than orpheus

> in which you say i love you to jungkook for the first time

> in which you and jungkook splurge on in the seom

> in which you come home tipsy and jungkook is upset

> in which you always come home to jungkook

> in which you and jungkook go on a spontaneous drive

> in which jungkook doesn’t understand you sometimes

> in which you and jungkook get your hands full . . . literally

> in which jungkook loves you, and he wants you both to eat well

> in which jungkook loves doing nothing with you

> in which you really don’t get want to get upset at jungkook, but you are

> in which jungkook kisses you for the first time

> in which jungkook comes home drunk but bam can’t speak

> in which nightmares are made of terrors but jungkook is an evening star

> in which jungkook stumbles with his new pair of eyes

> in which cruel fate leads you and jungkook to bright places

> in which jungkook says i love you for the first time

> in which jungkook doesn’t mind you waking him up— he just wishes it’s not when he’s in the middle of a good dream

> in which christmas is upon us and jungkook just wants to say that he loves you

> in which jungkook won’t tell you what’s wrong and you get emotional motion sickness

[beefrobeefcal]

Purpose feat. Joel Miller & Hel my contribution for @perotovar's FRITH Celebration

Summary: Everyone has a purpose, but Joel is running from his. Read the prompt here.

Jackson!Joel Miller + Hel | Rating: 18+ (MDNI) | Word Count: 1,972

Content Warnings: multiple mentions of death, mourning, grief, loss, mention of suicide attempt

Author's Notes: Thank you @perotovar for the gift of this pairing - you're a true gem in this community 💜🥩💜 read all the Frith Fics here.

Thank you to @strang3lov3, @noxturnalpascal, @bitchesuntitled & @weregirlbyknight for their eyes and love. dividers made by @saradika-graphics

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Sitting on an old rocking chair on his front porch, Joel watched the procession go by his home towards the graveyard at the end of the main road. 

Jackson mourns another, he thought to himself.

He sees the family of the departed, holding each other as they walk slowly behind the horse-drawn wagon carrying their beloved person in a pine box, and he knows the sorrow that robs them of a full breath and a full night’s sleep. He watched the two children, clutching to their weeping mother and then he looked down, unable to watch them. 

He knows they’re permanently changed because of grief, and that has given him a purpose.

She had come to him in a dream as he lay with his head bandaged and pride wounded in a FEDRA camp; Sarah was gone and his botched self-inflicted wound hadn’t let him join her. The first time she visited him, it was just a feverish nightmare of teeth and rot, struggling ineffectively against a black abyss slowly pulling him under. This dream became a regular occurrence for months, waking him drenched in sweat with panting breaths, his eyes darting wildly around in the darkness.

It wasn’t until one still and quiet night as he slept on the forest floor, his head on his backpack and his gun gripped in his hand, that she finally showed Her face. Serene and chaotic, sublime and intolerable, She stood preternaturally still above him. The scent of Her wafted over him as he rubbed his eyes, attempting to shake off the clutch of sleep. She reeked of damp earth and decay. When She finally stirred, Her every minute movement seemed to echo in antiquity, sounding of trees in the distance being forced to bow and break from a hurricane. She smelled of damp earth and decay. 

He forced himself fully awake before She was able to speak, and he refused to allow Her to ever get a word out to him. In a few blinks of his eyes She was gone.

She attempted to visit him more and more so he started drinking to relieve him of the hauntings. The alcohol helped for a while, but then Her gnarled bone hands pulled his unconscious mind open and began to let Her decayed flora seep in. But the pills… the pills are what finally stopped Her.

Nearly two decades of all of the pills and alcohol he could get his hands on kept Her out of his dreams and out of his head. There would be echoes with no origin and fleeting shadows telling him She was never far, but he remained out of reach. Internally, he blamed Her for plaguing his mind with Sarah’s last moments, reliving the moment on repeat, having to hear her begging and crying out to him as he held her for the last time. Some nights, he could still smell the gunpowder and blood that clung to his memories as he slipped into an inebriated slumber. 

He blamed the terrible thing She was - the decayed abomination that haunted him - for making him relive the darkest moments of his life, plying himself with drink and drugs to keep Her away. And it worked; it worked for so long that any indication that She was around, Joel learned to dismiss as foundations settling or leaves blowing in the trees. 

All of that changed when he lost Tess and gained Ellie. An uncanny switch in his partner, forcing him into a role he’d long since abandoned - father. Ellie held a mirror up to him, forcing him to see what he’d become and face what he was running from. The honest horrors of time and grief had etched and eroded him, and he saw shards of Her woven into the old man he was becoming, and gradually, he came around to Her.

Joel hadn’t touched a drink or drug since returning to Jackson with Ellie. They hadn’t found anything at the university beyond the evidence of the Fireflies having been there at one point, and with no indication of where they went they returned to Tommy’s new community.

Two years of sobriety had landed Joel with a clearer mind and a better temperament. She had stayed away as if to say you had your chance, and it was a bittersweet relief to him. 

Until Tommy died. 

He’d led a reconnaissance party out to secure the area surrounding the town, and Tommy’s horse got spooked, making a wrong step and falling off an embankment. While his grief swelled in him like a balloon, Joel took solace that he’d had two years with him before losing his brother again, and that at least Tommy’s death was quick. He knew he couldn’t fall apart like he had with Sarah, and that he had to be strong for Ellie, for Maria and Tommy’s child, and for the town. The funeral took place as soon as his body had returned to Jackson and that night, Joel laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. 

His eyes were wide open and he was awake when Her sweet and putrid smell washed over him in a cold, dark mist. His grief allowed no room for further pain, so Joel found that he did not feel fear. He felt at peace.

The sounds that crawled out from Her gaping maw swirled around him and words formed from them in his mind.

My beloved child - you are returned. You are needed. Tragedy and renewal bind you to me. The sun has his moon and the moon has her sun. Life turns to death and death bores life. Decay gives way to rebirth.

He woke with a startled hacking cough to find his room lit by the pale morning sun shining weakly through his bedroom window. It took him a moment to get his bearings and remember where he was. It felt like only seconds before that She was speaking to him; he could still smell the rot that heralded Her, and once he calmed down, he was surprised that he felt comforted by it. 

It was from there that the ravens began to hang round the front of his house on the fence and trees. When he sat on the front porch, they even dared to come right up and sit on the railing, quirking their heads as they made eye contact and small clucks at him. 

The ravens carried on visiting him with a cautious curiosity for a few weeks until She visited him again in the night. He was wide awake during an intense spring storm that had knocked out the power. He was trying to light the storm lamp when he felt the air in the room grow stale and damp and the sounds the the winds outside faded into dulled white noise. The flame that he’d managed to light flickered and sank low, barely casting a light beyond a faint amber and his breathing echoed in his living room, and She moved from the shadows, and her terrible and beautiful voice crept out into the room. 

My beloved child - grown in grief.

Joel looked at her, feeling his heartbeat slow and his mind quiet, and he nodded to Her. They watched one another as Joel tried to summon the courage to ask something - anything. 

“Who are y-”. His words caught in his throat before he finished as the realization that he already knew Her and Her name. It was etched in his soul and echoed in his heart. 

Hel. Goddess of death and guide to the underworld. Her name was one that should have struck terror into him from years of his Catholic grandmother forcing him and his brother to mass, and given the amount of death that he’d experienced and partaken in, part of his thought that fear should have come from seeing this as his reckoning. But instead, he felt peace in her terrible presence. He dropped to his knees and the start of tears burned his eyes. He felt the grief of everyone he had lost wash over him in waves, coming to the surface and gasping for air. Joel had spent so long trying to choke that grief and suffocate it where it sat in him, but on his knees before Her broke him wide open and gave air to the parts of his soul that he’d worked so hard to kill.

Joel woke up the next day and it was different. He moved through the day as he normally did, but inside he felt more assured of himself, feeling a peace he hadn’t known since before Sarah was born. There was a slight change in him, a light flickering in his eyes that others picked up on but said nothing about. That and the ravens.

No matter where Joel went, there was a raven nearby. If he stayed in place - at a town meeting or at home -  the ravens would slowly settle one by one until their entire unkindness was perched on the trees and eaves, waiting for him to move again. Day by day, it became more apparent to the other residents of Jackson that Joel wasn’t the same; the silent and harsh somberness that had left them wary of interacting with him had turned to a quiet warmth that radiated from within. 

At first, Joel thought this change in him was for the dead - or those that were making the transition. He sat with the sick and elderly in the medical clinic, ensuring they weren’t alone as they moved on, taking up the mantle of guide. 

But it didn’t feel right. His heart would ache in the morning from the looks of those left behind by their loved one’s departure. Joel would watch as families and friends would be thrown into their mourning, and he’d feel the familiar sting in his throat. He would leave the clinic, chest ripped open and wound burning, and he’d be right back in the throws of his own loss. Sarah, Tess, Tommy… Sarah, Tess, Tommy… Sarah, Tess, Tommy… Sarah, Tess, Tommy… Sarah, Tess, Tommy… Sarah, Tess, Tommy… 

But he would return, suffering for his perceived purpose, and repeat the cycle over and over again. 

It wasn’t until one night as he sat next to Charles, the 80-something year old who’d fallen and broke his hip, that Joel finally made the connection. 

“I mourn for what they will become…”, Charlie murmured softly, causing Joel to turn his head from counting the ravens through the window.

“Hmm? What’re you talkin’ about, Charlie?”

“My children. My Grandchildren. My friends… when I leave…”, he spoke wearily, then looked at Joel. “You know how grief changes people. Especially now. Look around. We shouldn’t mourn the dead, we should mourn who the living become because of it.”

Joel swallowed thickly. It was as though Charlie had set off a chain reaction in his head, connecting dots and seeing the truth of it. He looked into the old man’s eyes and saw Her there already, ready to guide him herself. 

He is for the living.  Again, that change in him seemed to glow brighter.

Charlie adjusted himself slowly in the bed and took in Joel with a crackled smile. “Ah. Now there’s a man with a purpose.”

The old man passed on as the pale morning crept over the mountains, and Joel wept by his side, thankful for the last bit of wisdom the old man gave.

Joel thinks back about his journey as he sees the last of the funeral procession pass his porch and he stands up, looking at the ravens. He gives them a curt nod and sighs, “Let’s go.”

He steps out onto the road and walks towards the home of the recently departed, ready and waiting to guide them through their grief so their own transition is peaceful. 

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[hotchfiles]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ❝ [CHOICELESS HOPE] ❞ — five. harmless.

pairing: hotch x bau!reader. summary: the moment leading up to the kiss, the drumroll, is as good as the kiss itself. it's certainly more innocent. it's completely harmless. or: fbi gala goes wrong. content warnings: canon divergent. emotional cheating (not on reader). angst. right person wrong time. no use of y/n. wet dream with lots of smut on this one btw. i will never proof read anything. word count: 2.3k

previously

    Hotch is at your door once more, perfectly dressed in his matching black suit and tie, dress shirt impeccably white. It’s tailor fitted to his body as he had recently started to do to all of his suits. You told him once before that it makes him look more mature, but the compliment came with lust in your eyes, that’s all he remembers now whenever he’s wearing them, even if both of you chose to ignore it at the time. 

    His cheeks flush bright pink when you open the door and his eyes glance down on you, dark blue dress–almost black. It hugs your upper body tight, your cleavage is more exposed than what he has seen in years. You gnaw lightly on your bottom lip, trying to contain a chuckle, a laugh. You couldn’t remember the last time you’ve seen him blush.

    He can feel his cheeks betraying him, but his worries are somewhere else entirely, focusing on trying to clean his mind so the rest of his body wouldn’t fail him too, quite the complicated feat as he was reminded of the dream he had the night before, how sweaty he had woken up because of you.

    The annoying squeaking of the bed should’ve been enough proof of the fact the sounds you two were making wouldn’t be concealed. It should be enough to get your senses back in line. It should be enough to remind you both where you were. In a hotel room, working on a case. 

    It wasn’t enough, not for Hotch, not when you surrendered so easily to his touch, not when your hair was glued to your forehead making you look like a goddess, one he was more than eager to adore. 

    He kissed some of your moans away, delighted to be the one causing them from how deep he was slamming his cock in your wet wet wet cunt. Wet for him. Clit throbbing under his thumb. Clenching around him enough to make him whimper in your ear. 

    His mind is too far gone, he doesn’t remember how it got to this point finally, but he’s too busy to care, his hands finally able to roam through your bare body with no inhibitions, griping hard on your flesh. There’s no place he would rather be, nothing else he would rather be doing. No one else he would rather have with him. 

    Chatter begins to fill the room, but he’s the only one to notice it, the female voices shifting his focus while yours was still on him, nails sinking down on his strong shoulders. 

    “At least you’re not married to him.” He knows this voice, last time he heard it was in video tapes, frames of happier times, Haley.

    His body stiffs, you move against him, legs wrapped around his waist, hands grasping his ass and forcing him into you. He moans but looks around the room, trying to understand what’s happening.

    Why is he hearing Haley’s voice? 

    “Still, right in front of me? Not a nice guy move.” And… Beth? 

    Beth. And Haley. Sitting on a couch? Observing you two fucking. 

    His head drops in your shoulder, realization running him over like a truck, “This is a fucking nightmare.”

    He’s hard when he wakes up, wet with his precum, dizzy and in need of release, he jerks himself off to thoughts of you, even if guilt shreds him apart, the sweat gluing his hair on his forehead as he imagines your lips and your throat struggling to take him are stronger. 

    His plans for the night don’t change even then, it’s why he’s at your door. 

    It wasn’t a date after all. You were merely his plus one because your formal invitation got mixed up due to your transfer. It wasn’t a date. Sure, you could easily go as any of the others’ plus one, and sure Beth was in town and should’ve been his companion for the night. 

    But it wasn’t a date. Even though the way your dress clanged to your body, the way he could smell your special occasions perfume and the smile you gave him made him wish it was. 

    “Guess we might get a bigger budget for the BAU.” You love when he’s flirty and you hate yourself for it, your heart skips a beat and you feel pathetic, the fact you’re not used to gala events and the heels you have on are way too new for your comfort makes it all that much worse. You take the hand he offers you either way, following him to his car. 

    Maybe you shouldn’t have let yourself be coerced into going, “well we better, I don’t usually do the whole begging for money thing.” Hotch laughs, and as always you’re reminded of how much you love that sound. How special it makes you feel to be the one able to genuinely make him laugh at the most innocuous of things. You grip hard into your bag as he opens the door for you, ever the gentleman. 

    You feel like flirting, the words dancing in your tongue, careful I might think this is a date. You don’t, too afraid of ruining it. 

    For a second you wonder if he’s still dating. Maybe he’s single. Maybe it’s finally your time. 

    But he keeps his hand far from your thigh in the car and his girlfriend’s name pops up in his phone while he’s setting maps up to help get you both at the damned gala. Everything is different and still the very same. You yearn for him and Hotch seemingly is always finding ways to run from what you could be. 

    The car ride after that is awfully awkward and it’s completely on you. He tries to spark conversation, and usually it wouldn’t be difficult to, you and Hotch always talked easily, it came naturally to the both of you. But you felt as if your voice was trapped, the silver necklace on your neck doing nothing but suffocate you. The side glances his eyes served you felt like burning holes in your skin. 

    Suddenly it’s 2005 and you’re a thirty something year old with a crush, feeling guilty for simply sharing a space with him. As if you would be divinely punished for your thoughts, your feelings, your light touch to his hand or the playful flirting. 

    You swallow it down, but the effort you’re making in trying to bury those feelings makes your replies to him come only in hums, nods of your head. Hotch gives up trying and decides some music is the ideal to get through the awkwardness, and it isn’t on purpose, really, it just so happens that his 90’s playlist was the last thing he heard. The strong feminine vocals you know well make you laugh. Loudly. 

    You’re still the one I run to, the one I belong to, the one I want for life

    “The one time the White Album would’ve saved lives and you’re listening to Shania Twain.” 

    “It’s a 90’s playlist, I didn’t handpick this, alright.” Tthe lyrics should amp up the awkwardness, make it all even more uncomfortable. But it doesn’t. Aaron’s laughing and you begin to sing along, as if the words didn’t mean anything, everything, to you and to him. 

    It makes the ride go from almost unbearable to fun, he sings with you to the best of his ability while still paying attention to the road and sooner than you both realize his phone buzzes in warning, you are at your destination. 

    “This is… Huge.” You’re in true awe as you leave the car, now weirdly comfortable to have your arm in his as you enter the venue, you recognize most of the people there, but it’s rare you see them in the same place at once. “And that’s not FBI.” You whisper, head pointing to a congressman.

    “You really don’t come to these a lot.” He whispers back right before shaking hands with said congressman, he doesn’t smile, but he is polite and introduces you. Luckily the chat doesn’t go for very long. “These events happen so we play nice. Then congress may just get us more budget instead of cutting it.” You roll your eyes at him, you know he doesn’t do politics so you’re not sure why he goes to these events. Still, you get champagne as a waitress passes by you and you sit at the BAU designed table where Rossi and Strauss already are.

    “I heard from your past superior that you don’t usually attend these, I’m glad agent Hotchner convinced you.” Strauss barely waits for you to get comfortable at the table, you don’t understand why she asked about it and your expression probably spoke for itself. “Seniority is important, show these politicians the years of FBI work, make them want to invest more in security, in the FBI and most importantly, in the BAU.” You nod slowly, taking your champagne in a mouthful and leaving it at the table, you notice none of the younger members have arrived and it hits you that they probably won’t come. 

    You look over for a waiter to get more champagne and see the table assigned to your past unit and remember your unit chief, the CNU chief, begging you to attend the last “FBI fund raiser” and how quickly you denied him because you didn’t want to risk seeing Hotch. Your cheeks burn.

    Aaron notices, of course he does, and puts his hand on your thigh and it’s comforting, warm, familiar. “What’s on your mind?” His voice is low, only you can hear, especially with Erin and Dave flirting on the other side of the table. “Champagne?” He asks again when you don’t respond, teasing your very light alcohol tolerance, you finally look up at him and realize how close you both actually are.

    His hand still on your thigh. His body lowered down as yours looked up. It feels impossible but he moved in closer, lips almost touching yours, breath mixing with yours. Hotch looks at your lips and you look into his eyes. “What are you doing?” Your voice is barely a whisper, is lucky that he hears it, but he definitely feels the warmth of you speaking along with the sweet scent of champagne.

    “Nothing. This is… Harmless. We are just… Talking.” He’s not a liar. But he is a lawyer at his core. He is good with technicalities. Technically you’re just talking. It’s certainly innocent if no lips are touching. 

    It could’ve been a minute or three hours but next thing you know there’s a slow song blasting through the speakers and Hotch is taking you by the hand, smiling sheepishly like a teenager. You find yourself another champagne, which you gulp down before the waiter can even leave your side.

    It’s all too easy, too familiar, his hands on your waist, your head laying on his chest as he leads. Exactly like the last time you two danced, he had been waiting for a slow song to be this close, no repercussions, no questions asked. This way he doesn’t have to pick. He doesn’t have to choose. 

    Of course by now you realize what he’s doing, the same pattern of behavior he did before, how he kept you close knowing he wouldn’t leave Haley. Except this time you couldn’t leave, you were demanded to be at the BAU. You take a deep breath and move your hands to his chest, separating you two and trying to put some sense into your thoughts, the sense that his cologne had drawn out of you. 

    Hotch tries to talk to you, ask you what’s wrong, but before he can do anything about it you’re headed back to the sitting area and without any manners you simply grab the first empty chair you find and place it around the CNU table, sitting together with your past unit so you wouldn’t deal with Aaron for the rest of the night.

    You have a fun rest of evening, talking, drinking maybe a tad much for a lightweight, getting teased by your ex coworkers about being a BAU hotshot and smiling at any congressperson who appeared at the table, talking about the good work the CNU put at the FBI. 

    The night only took a turn when Hotch came to tell you he was going home, “I see you’re having fun, a taxi might be better.” He sounds hurt but it’s still spiteful of him, you reply with a simple nod and hold in the tears you’ve been pretending you don’t want to let out for months already. 

    Lucky for you, Rossi watches the whole scene and takes your hand, making sure you don’t stumble on your own shoes–you’re very much drunk–as he leads you out of the venue and into his car. There, well, there you cry. You barely even noticed how Strauss was near the whole time or how she’s in the passenger seat. 

    Rossi is just glad he came driving, only one dose of scotch being his chosen drink for the whole night alongside some water and soda. If he wasn’t you would have to get a ride with someone else or a taxi home. 

    The way you were drunk and crying on the back of his car was annoying, sure, especially when he has a date he hopes to take home without the rest of the BAU knowing, but he saw you as his kid almost, he had to at least take you home.

    And even if you don’t remember. It isn’t the first time you drunkenly cry and speak of Hotch to him. And it isn’t like Hotch hasn’t done the same. 

    At this point it has happened so many times Dave might as well do something about it.