#fears and desires
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Nina Mclaughlin, from "Wake, Siren," originally published in November 2019
#lit#nina mclaughlin#typography#quote#words#dark academia#desire#fragment#fear#selections#writings#wake siren#p
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Oh the things I crave …
#intamacy#lust#passion and desire#touch my body#touch#couple kissing#affection#rough cnc#cnc somno#cnc kidnapping#cnc stalking#forced sedation#roleplay#malachi vize#fear play#cat and mouse
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Vincent Price interview on the set of The Masque of The Red Death (1964)
#vincent price#the masque of the red death#masque of the red death#edgar allan poe#interview#fear#fears#cobwebs#horror movies#bts#behind the scenes#classic horror#omfg#hes so sexy#and so cute.#sjsjjsnxksjskkskskssk#i desire him carnally#bicon#bisexual#horror#old horror movies#vintage#movie#actor#handsome#gif#gifs made by me#gifs#my gifs
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and together we set out on a journey to find treasure! (id in alt)
#dungeon meshi#marcille donato#laios touden#falin touden#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi spoilers#for the second img…. anyway this episode was SOOO good - marcille you never fail to make me weep a little#this was one of the chapters that also got me rly into dunmeshi… i like how marcille’s fear is smth that Can be interpreted as broad#and common - like how laios initially thought - but ultimately it’s quite specific… naturally running at a faster pace and attempting to use#magic - her only tool - did not help either. thus coming to deeply desire a unique tool in somebody else’s hands#to build a future where her loved ones can keep running with her. i lauv u so much marcille
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#this is me i fear#reality shifting#shifting antis dni#shiftblr#shifting blog#shifting community#desired reality#reality shift#reality shifter#shifting realities#marauders#shifting reality#shifting#shifting to marauders era#shifting to hogwarts#marauders shifting#shifting motivation#shifter#shifters#bea's losing her mind#bea yaps
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some rushed doodles of our new goat darling........I have so many plans for them
#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl goat#my art#theyre so cute.....i can't wait to see what they do.#personally i hope they have a wonderful relationship with the Lamb until the Lamb's aching desire for kinship with their cousin species-#turns into the Lamb becoming more and more fearful of their own usurpation....bringing them to the conclusion that they must consolidate-#power and take whatever power the goat has#or the Goat is not truly alive! perhaps just a remnant of a memory of Vessels' Past. who knows.#anyways theyre very cute. will draw more later#my terrible baby Black Phillip
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what's worse -- feeling the depths of your desire for the first time, or having all your closest friends around to witness it?
prints ♣︎ song
#dungeon meshi#marcille has always been ambitious but up until this point she's primarily driven by fear#desire for desire's sake is a new concept for her (after 50 years!!) and it totally overwhelms her#she is so beloved for that.#ryoko. kui. is. brilliant. I can't overstate that enough. and she's FUNNY about it too like??? girl#don't make me squawk laugh after I just burst into tears two pages ago. ms. kui you're too powerful#dungeon meshi spoilers#marcille donato#senshi#izutsumi#laios touden#chilchuck tims
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a Tacomic
#taco ii#microphone ii#mic ii#tacomic#inanimate insanity#maaaaaaan#meant to capture what is in tacos mind and how she emotionally reacts when shes alone. her feelings and desires her fears and pain#things she never shows to anyone else#because vulenerability with mic was foolish in her eyes interpreting her feelings correctly is an impossible hurdle#i love how they both feel very much and tacos torment is the worst ever. i feel very bad for her#love
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Fear and Desire - Stanley Kubrick - 1953
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Take to the skies
...and fly free
#trigun#trimax#trigun maximum#nicholas d. wolfwood#vash the stampede#wolfwood centric#raepliica_art#wolfwood birdliker is smth so personal to me#his fascination for their ability to move freely and unchained.... his desire to fly away from his burden and fears...#🧎#guys he's fine!!! he's with his bird friends now!!!👍👍#i was listening to 生きる懐かしさ from guile by Oblique Occasions and this idea descended upon me like a meteorite#🧍<- guy who looped that 4 min music track during the whole drafting process#i have so much to say but im terrible at putting my thoughts into words so I'll let this comic speak for itself. hopefully.
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I have a half formed but very persistant thought about how Gerry Keay's relationship to Mary Keay is fundamentally the relationship of a reluctant avatar to their patron.
#something about desiring to escape but not being able to take steps to do so#something about no longer knowing how to exist without a patron#something about fear and hatred and love#something about always being drawn back in#something about uninformed choices made in bad situations#the magnus archives#Gerry Keay#Gerard Keay#Mary Keay#tma#tma podcast#tma meta#Marfisa Thinks Things
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Everything you've ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.
- George Addair (1823-1899) - author, speaker and philosopher
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made by me😻
#its actually a fear tbh..#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifters#shifting community#shifting blog#desired reality#anti shifters dni
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thinking about how in senshi's journal he mentioned that laios collapsed from exhaustion after falin woke up and it was confirmed she was alright. I am always ill about the touden siblings and their relationship but this fact keeps me up at night
#he stayed up for her. to make sure his worst fears wouldnt come true#the fact that he was so worried the demon had made it so she'd never come back...#ik it was played for laughs but it really punches me in the stomach#that no one else believed that was his greatest desire#like Sure it turned out that it wasnt. but it was the most important thing to him throughout the series#idk man they make me crazy!!!!!#dungeon meshi#laios touden#falin touden#chattering#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#dunmeshi spoilers
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thinking about Lucanis again (always). and how so much of his narrative boils down to the theme of "control". and of course also about how this applies to the Rook x Lucanis relationship.
like the first scenes with him in the game are, in theory, about freeing him from the Ossuary (although he seems to have an escape attempt already in progress at the time, they certainly weren't just letting him keep those knives on him for enrichment purposes, Rook just provided an opening/distraction he could take advantage of and crucially Rook has A Way Out of the whole place not just a cell). but ACTUALLY the purpose it to put him right into a new contract for Us, one set up by his own grandmother and first talon no less, and the person he has the MOST trouble saying no to. He's escaped torture and the Venatori for sure but he still isn't free, which I think is part of what leads to Spite's confusion/the Inner Demons plotline. He agrees to the contract but you can tell it's in many parts out of a sense of duty/mourning vs something he actively wants to do for himself. And then the FIRST real heartfelt conversation you have with him, where he tells you "even before I was captured, my life was not really my own. So much had been determined for me." But he's chaffaing at that! He thinks "to live truly is to live fully" and so directly tells you he doesn't think he's lived a life true to himself. He's been constantly smothered by the weight of expectations around him, even though he longs for more.
And then once you get him to the Lighthouse you see how this Big lack of control in his life comes out as all these smaller frustrations. He's terrified of sleeping and downing 11 cups of coffee per hour because sleeping means he will lose control to Spite, even though Spite is shown to flee rather than fight when he feels threatened, and once calmed down, is more drawn to just benign curiosity/mischief than anything actively malicious. Like if Lucanis loses control and sleeps for a few hours he is not going to wake up surrounded by bloodshed, he's going to wake up to a belly full of candle wax because he wouldn't like Spite taste one while they were awake. Which is the other half of this--he constantly denying Spite's impulses for reasons that in some ways make sense (HE doesn't want to eat candles), but not in a way that's actually satisfying to either of them (why not just take a bite, chew for a bit, and spit it out so Spite knows they kind of suck actually?). But he CAN say no to Spite and so he does. Over and over. Spite's one of the few people he can deny things without feeling bad about it, because it's HIS body he doesn't like that has to share now (<- this is what he thinks about it at first anyway, but he's wrong, it's both of theirs and it's useless to try to hold those kind of boundaries forever. but the "no its mine" spiteful instinct is very beautifully ironic and reflective of them both and their early relationship).
And personally I think this is where his fear of his own desires and intimacy is coming from, at the root. I don't think he's afraid of the concept of being in a romance or having feelings (even if they're unusual and rare for him, this is by no means incompatible with him being demi) but I DO think he is afraid of the kind of power it gives people over you. Getting something you want means there's something else that can be taken away. Admitting your desire means the other person has the opportunity to deny that. The more you have, the more you have to lose, and he has lost again and again and again in his life--his parents, his childhood to the crows, his independence, even his future--he doesn't aspire to be first Talon but he knows the rumors. He knows his grandmother wanted it for him, not Illario. His life path has been laid out for him by others and up to this point he has simply been going along with it anyway, even though it bothers him. He COULD argue and fight Caterina and push for Illario who actually wants the job to be First Talon instead, but from The Wigmaker Job we know he doesn't. He just ignores it and pretends maybe it won't happen, without him having to do any of the work. Which is why in the end Illario is the one who has to make a move about it (and even warns Lucanis of this!!!!). Lucanis KNOWS all this makes him a target but is neither taking charge or getting off of the train tracks, just closes his eyes.
And I think THIS context is what makes the almost kiss scene in the pantry make more sense to me. Rather than being afraid of having feelings (and then NEVER addressing this in game with a Rook who pursues him anyway) or not knowing how to finish what he's started via crow seduction training, it's more like this is a pivotal moment where he can actively choose to step off the planned path of be given a job -> kill the gods -> enact revenge -> go home. even if he doesn't at that point realize that a relationship with Rook could be something that lasts long-term, the very act of doing something just for himself is what's foreign and scary and hard. It's that first step off the tracks, and even if he were to keep walking in the same direction, it means he's making a choice about it. he's accepting that one way or another it IS in his power to go along with everyone else's plans or not. Hence the hesitation, and drawing back, and needing to clear his head.
And then the rest of Rook's role in his narrative IS about giving him more and more control for himself. Inner Demons, dealing with Illario, his questlines move less towards revenge and more towards just... not being locked into one fate. Which of course Caterina comes back and immediately tries to overturn by declaring him First Talon after all, even though she and him and everyone else knows she's not ACTUALLY ready to give up her rule/decision making power yet. Which in a way is maddening because cmon I did all this work here so this sad man could have some agency in his own life just to watch him get sucked right back in (which, at least we get many directions to headcanon from here), but there's no denying that THIS version of Lucanis at least is actually going in with his eyes open now. THIS Lucanis has had a taste of life outside the Crows, and seen the politics and power dynamics in other places/organizations, and finally has emotional ties to the big picture state of the world now, both in relationship and friendship paths with Rook. He's not just hyper focused on each contract as it's given to him now, he's looking at the whole thing.
Anyway of course the beautiful culmination of all this within the romance is the lighthouse scene with Rook, where he finally is willing to let himself be vulnerable (emotionally and physically), and fall asleep without fear of what Spite's going to do in the meanwhile. He also (depending on dialogue choice) finally talks about his feelings directly with you for the first time instead of in roundabout ways (the dessert being "not enough" is it really the dessert you mean, Lucanis. is it.). Even though he is STILL reluctant to verbally admit his feelings or let Rook share their own at this point, I think that's more a narrative choice about saving those last emotional dialogue options for the big final battle. but it is another point where he does have to stop just following along and ACTIVELY choose that yes, yes sometimes loving is worth the risk of losing it. Even if someone takes it away from you later, even if you don't survive it, sometimes the love alone makes it worth it.
I have like another 5000 words I could add into about how Spite ties into all this, about how having the demon in him is something he both fears AND how it forces him to acknowledge that actually yes he DOES share the same base feelings/instincts Spite does in terms of not wanting to be told what to do. And how this in a way is part of what gives him permission to act on it since he can no longer just shove it down out of sight. but this post is long enough already so i'm just going to take the rest of this and gnaw on it all day like a chew toy I guess.
anyway. AHG. it is kind of frustrating that the culmination of his arc seems to be "and then he got the job he never wanted anyway" but I do think at least all this prepares him for it in a way Caterina actively failed to actually do on her own. He NEEDED that step away from his straightforward path. Whether he stays first talon or not, and with or without rook as a romantic partner, he's finally been able to explore ideas outside the expectations of others.
#AND THEN of course how the whole control theme applies in terms of sex lmao. that man needs to be gently topped/dommed soooo bad#so much internalized shame and fear and he just wants someone who will see it & love him anyway#very much on theme to resent a thing (control) in everyday spaces but desire the inverse in the bedroom/forbidden spaces as a way to explor#it safely etc etc etc. fear of losing control vs desire to submit plus all the torture stuff mixed up in there oooohhh what a mess#themes of resistance etc etc You Get Me or you think im insane either is fine. anyway#dragon age: veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard#lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#spite dellamorte#lucanisposting#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#ramblings#dragon age#need to rip a pillow into shreds or somethign AHG im pacing around too fulll of Lucanis Thoughts this early in the day#this is usually a 3am hobby but im 12 hours early#but i think finally this is some watsonian reasoning that makes me more chill about the doyalist failures i have with the writing for him#this may be incomprehensible i did Not proofread it#jade plays dav#juniper x lucanis
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Mech pilot yuuta and his mech that’s incredibly possessive over him. He takes to you as a handler almost immediately, excited for the help after his last few handlers were scared off. You’re not allowed inside, your constantly dodging malfunctioning limbs and faulty wires, but you’re not one to back down, and gaining her trust is just as important as gaining his.
Rika only realizes how important you are to Yuuta the day after you spend the night with him, and he’s left alone in the morning with an empty bed and a broken heart. You’re his handler. You’re not supposed to leave him. Not ever.
She lures you into her chest one night, faking some sort of lighting malfunction and allowing you inside for the first time. She keeps you inside all night, enduring all your yelling and banging on her insides to be let out, a nice gift for Yuuta.
#he’ll coax you into the neurolink connection with sweet words#talk about being unable to live without you how much he needs you#not only as his handler but as someone he’s falling in love with#the link will only make the two of you stronger#you’ll let him right?? let him peak inside your brain and hear all your thoughts#he’ll know every time you think of leaving#know your desire for him when your words say otherwise#you won’t be able to hide anymore#especially not when rika has taken to you too#you belong to them now❤️#sorry had to get that out#lowkey a little horrific to be trapped in a mech#but this au is consuming my life#if I had any energy I would write this but#it’s all going toward my Touya fic I fear#ghost thoughts
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