#fearing he isn’t your good boy anymore showing up to your dorm in tears you can’t even get him to calm down you just have to hold him

[rodolfoparras]

Pls someone write homophobic misogyny dude bro getting jealous and going into sub drop 😔

[writemekpop]

Bad Romance (Part 1) | Lee Taeyong

Pairing: Lee Taeyong x Reader

Summary: Your boyfriend Taeyong wants to fuck you, but you're not ready...

Genre: Angst, Smut, College AU 

Word Count: 1.8k

Warning: Sexual Content, Toxic relationship 

Part 1 ⭐️| Part 2

Taeyong’s breaths were deafening in your ear. Couldn’t he try to control himself? For discretion, at least. You imagined every ear in your university dorm pricking up. Snickering. “I wonder what they’re up to.” 

Taeyong kissed you again, his hot lips colliding with yours.

His hand, ever so slightly rough, pushed up your shirt, sending goosebumps up your ribs. A moan sounded, deep in your throat, and Taeyong groaned in satisfaction. 

You felt instantly guilty. You’d told yourself your ancestors wouldn’t mind if you did this for him. But you’d promised not to enjoy it. 

Taeyong knotted one hand in your hair. You felt the other one slide up to your back to unclasp your bra. His hand dwarfed your back, sending sparks rippling up your shoulder blades. 

“Are you okay with this?” he murmured, voice husky. You nodded. It was a lie.

The truth was, you’d never had sex before. You’d barely even kissed a boy. 

When all your college friends were in the basement snogging boys, you would hover by the doorway, holding their drinks. When they began to tease you, you just pretended you couldn’t hear them. 

Even when everyone started saying you ‘batted for the other team’, it just felt like a relief. Maybe they’d finally leave you alone. 

You were a feminist. You fully believed that women weren’t shiny, unwrapped presents that had to be protected for marriage. But you were also a fake. 

Because the idea of sleeping with a stranger still made you feel sick inside. 

Well, Taeyong wasn’t a stranger; he was your boyfriend. So, you would just have to grit your teeth and get on with it. 

Taeyong’s hand slid down between you. You squeezed your eyes shut. It would be over in a minute; that’s what your friends were always joking about, right? 

Then, you heard the unmistakeable clink of his belt buckle. Suddenly, that was the most terrifying sound you’d ever heard.  

“W-wait,” you croaked. 

You clung onto Taeyong’s firm wrist. 

He was breathing hard, his pulse pounding under his papery-thin skin. You were sat on his lap – so you could feel how ready he was, and it frightened you. 

He would hate you for what you were about to say, you knew that. 

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” 

You rolled away from him, pulling your knees up and hugging them. Burying your wet eyes in your knees, you waited for Taeyong to leave. 

But you didn’t feel him get off the bed. 

Instead, there was absolute silence. A shiver ran down your spine. 

Then, his muscled arms were wrapping around you. Taeyong eased you till you were lying on the bed – fear closed in your throat – but he wasn’t trying to have sex with you. Instead, he helped you pull your T-shirt back on, and guided you so your head was resting on his chest.

You felt his thundering heartbeat slow to a steady, comforting pulse.

Taeyong pressed a kiss on your temple. For a second, your stomach curled; it was so fatherly. You mentally scolded yourself. Taeyong wasn’t like other guys. He was caring, and sensitive, and you should be grateful.  

“If you wanna go slow, let’s go slow. You’ll always be my girl,” Taeyong whispered.

So, you pushed down the niggling feeling that ‘always’ had an expiry date. It was time you learnt to trust someone, and Taeyong was the perfect person to let in.

---

Over the next few months, you tried your best to forget about that night. And it was easy enough – Taeyong was electrifying. 

You’d never met a man who could tell a Basquiat from a Banksy and didn’t even show off about it. 

Each night, after lectures, you’d sneak off to some gallery late opening, and take photos of each other for Instagram. 

Or, you’d just snuggle up in his dorm room and listen to him telling you all about his Art History course, or his dreams of starting his own gallery. 

You rarely spoke. You preferred to soak in his world, like a cat curled in the sun. And let’s face it – who wanted to talk about Maths, anyway? 

Taeyong was like a shooting star: totally uncontrollable, impossible to understand, yet hopelessly fascinating. You couldn’t believe why someone like him seemed to find you interesting. Or at least, worth spending every day with.  

---

The second time Taeyong scared you was a Saturday.

You were sitting in his lap, poring over one of his Art History books. Other than toying with a curl of your hair, or pressing a kiss to your shoulder, Taeyong was totally still.  

Sighing with pleasure, you flicked through the glossy pages – for the hundredth time. No wonder Taeyong would always say: If I wasn’t rubbish at Maths, we should’ve swapped courses.

Just then, you prised open a page you hadn’t seen before. You frowned. 

It was a scan of an old Japanese painting. In it, a wealthy couple were captured in a furious argument with a young woman, carrying a baby. It was entitled ‘Outside Wife’. 

You turned to Taeyong, finger on the title. “What’s that?” 

Taeyong lifted the book from your hands, then grinned. “It’s when a noble couple are forced to get married, but the man has another wife to, you know, satisfy his needs.” Taeyong chuckled dryly. “Unfortunately, that system isn’t available anymore.” 

You began to chuckle too… then your smile melted from your face. “What do you mean, unfortunately?” Goosebumps rippled over your skin. 

“Ah… it was just a joke. You know, we’re not exactly getting any.” Taeyong’s body still felt relaxed under you, but your muscles were tensing. 

“I thought you said you wanted to go slow…” you mumbled. 

Of course. You should’ve seen this coming. 

There was only so long a person could go without their needs fulfilled. And here you were, dragging your boyfriend down while he could sleep with any normal girl whenever he wanted. 

“I’m not ready yet, Taeyong.” You picked at the frayed wool of your jumper. 

Your throat closed as you prepared for what you would say next. “If you… need to sleep with someone else, I won’t blame you,” you whispered. Stupid, babyish tears were filling your eyes already. 

“Babe – it was just a joke! No need to get your knickers in a twist.” Taeyong laughed, and kissed your neck. 

When you still didn’t make a sound a moment later, Taeyong turned you around on his lap so you were facing him. Tears streaked freely down your cheeks – you couldn’t hide them. 

“Oh, baby….” Soft as a whisper, Taeyong placed his palm on your cheek and smoothed away the tears with his thumb. “I don’t care about your… problem. You’re my girlfriend, and what’s good enough for you’s good enough for me.” 

A small part of you hurt at the way he said problem, but you pushed that part away. You allowed him a small smile. 

Laughing, Taeyong pulled you into a bear hug. You’d never gripped his shoulder so tight. You were so lucky to have him. 

----

A few weeks later, Taeyong finally convinced you to accompany him to a house party. You knew what this meant. You’d been dating for four months – this was the ‘meeting his friends’ moment. 

All the time you were getting ready, your stomach had transformed into a pit of snakes. Excitement, anxiety, fear – they all wriggled and knotted about inside you. 

You chose a midnight-blue playsuit, in a glimmering velvet. When Taeyong pointed it out to you in the shop, you knew this what you’d be wearing. 

To be honest, you hated Taeyong’s friends. You were pretty sure Taeil had tried to sneak vodka into your coke, and Mark did nothing but yap on endlessly about his girlfriend in Canada. You were almost 100% sure she didn’t exist. 

But as soon as Taeyong’s mahogany eyes met yours across in the heaving living room, all your worries melted away like snow. All he had to do was raise one deep eyebrow, or pull his plump lips into a silly face, and you’d burst out laughing. 

Except, as the hours drew by, you realised you hadn’t seen Taeyong in a while. You were perched on the stairs, shivering next to everyone who was too zoned out to take part. 

“Taeyong?” 

Tip-toeing, you climbed up the stairs, calling his name. You pushed open each of the doors in the hallway, peeking through your fingers just in case anything funny was going on. 

But they were all empty. 

Just as you turned around to go back downstairs, you heard voices coming from the attic. Gingerly, you sneaked up. They grew louder, more defined. 

Pushing open the door just a crack, you heard:

“Really? My god.” 

Your heart jumped. You knew that rich, resounding tone better than your own voice. It was Taeyong. 

You considered climbing up to join them. But then, you heard something that stopped you in your tracks. 

“And the worst thing is, Irene thinks she’s some kind of sex goddess, but actually she’s awful. She just lies there like a limp doll, expecting me to do everything.” It was Doyoung speaking. 

There was a pause as they all laughed. 

Your heart was already twisting. Something about his tone felt… wrong. Like his girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate what he was saying. 

Then, you heard Taeyong say, “Mate, at least your girlfriend’s fucking you, even if she is awful at it. I haven’t got any for months!” 

Everyone in the group exclaimed in disbelief. You forgot how to breathe. 

“Yeah – I know. Y/n thinks she’s some kind of saint for “waiting for the perfect moment”. I mean, a guy’s got needs!” Taeyong’s voice was low, but to you he could have been screaming. 

Black spots were engulfing your vision. Gulping, you staggered backwards, out of the door. You didn’t want to hear what you heard next. You really didn’t want to.  

But you couldn’t help it. Not when Taeyong said, “You know, I don’t even feel bad about fucking Joy. I mean, I had no choice. If Y/n wasn’t so frigid, I wouldn’t need to. It’s her fault really.” 

That was it. 

You sprinted away. Pushing through the line of partygoers waiting to use the bathroom, you locked yourself inside.

Then, you curled up on the toilet seat and sobbed. 

It had finally happened. 

Your gorgeous boyfriend had finally realised that he was miles out of your league. He didn’t deserve the defect. He didn’t deserve the fake feminist who was too ashamed to admit how sexist she really was. 

Then, a thought entered your mind that make you perk up. 

Maybe you could pretend you’d never overheard Taeyong. Maybe you could go back to how you were before… Or maybe you could sleep with him and make him forget about all other girls. 

After all, you’d do anything to keep him. 

Anything.  

Read Part 2 here.

---

MASTERLIST

[i-became-the-lady-of-the-blog]

They were hiding like they always did, staying in the corners, only ever greeting people and too nervous to make conversation. ‘The adorably shy queen’ the tabloids had named them. Shyness really wasn’t an issue, they loved meeting new people. But every time they even mentioned life outside the castle to another person, they could feel his cold, viridescent stare on them.

They were nothing but a doll, decor. Teenage girls wanted to be them, the boys found them cute. What a truly odd existence. Malleus had gone into the next room with some politician from the west. Having a banquet at political meetings had been his idea, giving them something to do while he worked.

A hand rested on their shoulder, they turned to see Leona Kingscholar. He looked the same, though a bit of rough stubble adorned his chin, he had new tattoos as well.

“We need to talk, herbivore”, the nickname that annoyed them to bits years ago now seemed like a call from heaven. A way out

An ally.

This is a sequel to this story

----

Before everything went to south, MC was a social butterfly. They would talk with anyone and find topic to converse easily but here they were. Too afraid to make a conversation with people to avoid making Malleus upset. They remember first time MC felt Malleus’ raw jealousy on their first year in Valley of Thorns. They were trying to cope with their abduction, to feel normal again and soothe their need to socialize with others. There were noble fae visitors on that day. Maleficent suggested drink tea on the balcony while she, Malleus and some of the nobles had a meeting. The remaining group went to the balcony, sitting on the chairs around the table. 

It was silent when the servants brought snacks for the group. MC thought the group hated them since they are a human so they didn’t utter a word. It was silent until one of the fae ladies spoke up and asked how they’ve been faring. MC was reluctant at first, fearing their judgment but as they spoke more, their confidence restored. It was not just the fae lady who initiated the conversation, the rest of the group were good people too. Talking with them soothed MC’s nerves, in fact, they craved to talk with them more. They were on the verge of a mental breakdown after being isolated for so very long, talking with them felt like a cure in that moment. They could not even recall the last time they laughed until that day. All was going well until he showed up. Their meeting ended earlier so he didn’t want to waste any time to be with MC, yet when he teleported, he saw MC talking and laughing with someone who isn’t him. He dismissed the guests politely before teleporting MC and himself to his- no their- bed chambers. 

Malleus was enraged that they were getting intimate with another even though it was just laughing and engaging in conversation. The sky darkened as Malleus expression was taking a dark turn. The sky was rumbling with thunder and lightening, as Malleus was taking slow and uncanny steps towards them, making MC flinch with every step. That day, MC felt Malleus’ true rage, true jealousy, true power... It was not uncommon for Malleus to take pleasure in their body regardless of MC’s wishes but that day, it was more than that. It caused MC to have nightmares over a year. Waking up because of a night terror and only to be soothed by the person who caused it was taking a toll on MC. But no one cared nor dared to stand up for them. That day MC learned not to talk with people when Malleus wasn’t around, how much cruel Malleus could get when he wishes and no one would bat an eye. That day MC decided to be obedient, to avoid more harm.

Now here MC was, greeting delegates from different countries and the nobles of Valley of Thorns briefly and making a small talk before moving on to the next person. No one managed to ask questions beyond daily talk and Valley of Thorns related queries. Their court and the delegates saw them as the Shy Queen, thinking that MC was still nervous to talk with people they didn’t know personally. The truth couldn’t be far from that. They just didn’t want to get punished for socializing nor feel that pain again.

MC needed a drink and compose themselves before moving on to the other guests. That was the plan until they saw something or more like someone. They had to take a second look since they didn’t think Malleus would be this bold to invite someone from the past, someone who knew who MC was before becoming Malleus’ prisoner- no spouse. Taking another look at the figure, the realization dawned upon them. It was Leona Kingscholar, the hot guy who was not even trying to be hot, the lion king of Savanaclaw, the person they and Grim kept awake all night for him to help fight the next dorm leader. Leona and MC were not close in the NRC but to see a familiar face...

MC just wanted to run and hug him tightly. They were about to do that but then Malleus came to their mind. Speak of the devil, he shall appear...

Malleus came soon after Leona spoke. MC wanted to explain the situation so it wouldn’t cause a problem but Malleus cut them off, pulling them over, kissing their hands affectionately, making a show in front of Leona.  MC recalled the rivalry between them. Leona was powerful but he was in the middle of Valley of Thorns, surrounded by powerful fae, Malleus, Lilia and Maleficent herself. He didn’t stand a chance. They didn’t want him to be harmed so they were eager to remove the reason of current conflict, themselves, from there but it was impossible for Malleus to just let them go. MC’s heart was racing, as if it would go out of her chest when Malleus forced them to eye contact. They thought a kiss on cheek would suffice but Malleus lifted their chip up before kissing them on the lips. If it wasn’t for the years of practice to stay still even while being violated, their knees would have given away. 

MC let out the breath they weren’t aware that they were holding. Everything was too much, the stress was getting to them but they couldn’t fail now and make Malleus think something happened between them and Leona. They saw a servant and ordered a drink. Before they could have some alone time, a noble approached them and started talking. MC was having a hard time to have the standard conversation as they has with the rest. They were feeling nauseous as the nobles kept talking but luckily the servant brought them a glass of campaign. Gulping the entire glass in one go, they got the attention of the nobles as they started to make unwanted comments. The alcohol made them relax just a tiny bit. Finally, MC was able to continue conversation. As it ended, they asked for another drink while going over to greet others.

After what seemed like an age, MC found an opening to take a break. They walked into the quieter corridor, hoping for some alone time. They didn’t get what they hoped for...

A hand rested on their shoulder, making them panic since they knew it was not how Malleus touched so this meant someone other than Malleus was touching them. They wanted to warn the person. They turned around to see Malleus’ possible victim, only to meet with Leona’s eyes. “We need to talk” He said firmly.

MC just wanted him to be okay so they couldn’t speak with him, ensuring Malleus’ wrath. They conjured up a smile as best as they could in that situation. “We have already talked, Prince Kingscholar. Now if you excuse me,” MC was going to walk around him and go back to the crowd - so much for relaxing.

“Lizard is in an important meeting along with grandma Lizard. The guards are not checking your every move all the time. They have intervals.” Leona stated casually. “This means we can talk, Herbivore.” He seemed determined to talk.

Mc knew they should have walked away but something in Leona’s voice made them trust his observation. “Be quick please, I don’t want to anger Mal- I mean, my husba- I- I-” They were having trouble with speaking with Leona without saying what went on behind the closed doors. 

“I don’t need to smell to know your nervousness, MC. Especially around the Lizard who is supposed to be your husband. Tell me what happened directly now.” Leona looked the same, though a bit of rough stubble adorned his chin, he had new tattoos as well. “Did you return home?” He was asking impossible questions.

MC gulped, recalling the day they lost everything. It pained them greatly to think about the day they thought they would see their family and friends again. “No...” They whispered, clenching their fists and burying their nails to their palm to not cry, yet they couldn’t prevent the quivering of their voice. “Dire Crowley told me to come over to the mirror room. He told me that he found a way to go home and wants me to check it out before going back completely.” They closed their eyes, it was as if reliving that dreadful moment. “My husba- Mal- no my husba... You-Know-Who was there with the old bat. I thought they wanted to see interdimensional travel for the first time but they had other plans.  You-Know-Who told Dire that he did a good job before he took me to Valley of Thorns with the old bat. I resisted at first but if you went through what I-” Their voice broke as they felt tears in their eyes, dropping to their cheeks. They wiped their cheek, “I answered your question, now please leave me be before some guard sees us together and reports to You-Know-Who. I accepted this is my life and I live this way now.”

“Not anymore,” Leona objected, MC could feel the anger behind these those words. “Your imprisonment ends today, you are coming with me, Herbivore.” He stated, ordering them around like when they were in the NRC.

In that moment, it seemed silly but hearing them from someone like Leona made them imagine how their life could have changed. Maybe this was their way out and he was their ally.

——

🍪 Anon I love your brain once again!

[xiaosmoon]

hello! i loved ur college au, so can i request that but for zhongli and kaeya pls? thank you!

the boys as your college roommate pt.2

pairings: zhongli & kaeya x gn!reader ft.hu tao (afab reader for kaeya)

content/warnings: fluffyyy, mentions of a seance. mentions of sex for kaeya's but no actual intercourse between the reader & kaeya

a/n: i got carried away with zhongli... ehe *ghost busters theme song*

-> zhongli

moving in with zhongli was an absolute delight. he was so respectful of your space and even helped you study!

you weren't really surprised to find out he was a history major. it's practically almost all he talked about, not that you minded.

today he came home with the biggest smile plastered on his face and pamphlet in hand. "there's a new history exhibit opening up around campus. i heard it's about the town's local history and war from over 800 years ago. uh if you'd like, we can go together?" and who were you to say no?

you knew this wasn't a date or anything, just two friends hanging out! because that's what friends do, right? once you and zhongli arrived, you both decided to go with a tour guide because even zhongli didn't know much about the town's history. "and this exhibit over here ladies and gentlemen tells you about the haunting of whitmore's house, ouuuuu!" the tour guide gave his worst ghostly impression.

you chuckle and turn to zhongli, who didn't seem as amused. "zhongli? you don't really believe in the haunting of whitmore's house, ouuuuu!" you gave your best mimic of the tour guide. he's eyes remains fixated on the small replica of the house. "hmm, i'm not sure. i am confused on why it would be in a history museum."

"well my friend, whitmore was a brave general during the war. he unfortunately got ambushed in his own home. legend has it you can still hear his screaming coming from his bedroom!" the tour guide made another ghostly mimic before leaving. that sent chills up your spine. "eugh, how awful." you crossed your arms. the distaste in your voice was very evident, so zhongli and you both decided to move on to the next exhibit.

later that night while you guys were deciding on what to have for dinner, there was very loud knocking sound at the door. "i'll get it." when you opened the door, you were met with an overly excited hu tao. she was bouncing on her toes with a up to no good grin.

"hu tao? i wasn't expecting you. come on in." you open the door wider and she makes a bee line for the couch. "weeee have plans tonight." she announces plopping down next to zhongli. "we do? i wasn't aware." zhongli raises his eyebrows.

hu tao was a good friend of zhongli's. although you didn't know her too well, you liked her spirit. "ohhh yes we do! we're having a seance at whitmore's house." her smile only grew wider. speaking of spirits. you on the other hand collapsed on the couch. "a seance? at a haunted house? you can count me out." you shiver. zhongli wanted to say he was surprised, but he really wasn't. hu tao was the president of the occult club after all.

"will it just be us?" zhongli's interest was piqued. "mmm no. a few of my club members will be joining us but i wanted to invite the two of you as well! i know you guys went to the museum today so i thought you'd be interested!" the way hu tao's eyes sparkled at this was a bit concerning.

you sigh, nibbling on your bottom lip in deep thought. oh, what the hell. it's not like you believe in this ghosts anyway. you slam your palms on the coffee table and stand up abruptly, making zhongli and hu tao flinch. "let's go catch some ghosts!"

now what the hell were you thinking?! the weather was freezing, and dark clouds painted the night, showing signs of a thunderstorm. you were shaking in your boots standing outside of the haunted house. if you can even call it that. it was more of an abandoned manor. a gate surrounded the property so it was a hassle to get to get in.

zhongli noticed your shaking, so he held your hand. you look up at him and he just shoots you a comforting smile. your body begins to shake less. "alright everyone, are we ready?" hu tao turns around to look at everyone. you all nod and follow hu tao inside. the atmosphere inside wasn't helping your nerves. the wallpaper was tearing from the walls, stains of water damaged, missing floorboards, and- was that a blood stain?

you must've clenched zhongli's hand too tight because he started rubbing his thumb across your intertwined hands to help calm you down. okay, deep breaths y/n. you can do this. besides, it's not like ghosts actually exist, right?

"wowwww look at this place! how about we explore for a bit? we can split up and meet up later here!" hu tao suggested. you were about to protest, but zhongli was already leading you away from the rest of the group. "is this really safe?" you ask him barely loud enough.

"don't worry. i'm here with you. and if you get too uncomfortable, i'm sure hu tao will understand that we had to leave." his words brought you enough comfort to keep your legs walking. you clung to zhongli's side as you explored the eerie hallway with nothing but a dim flashlight. "i wonder which room was his." zhongli mumbled mindlessly. your body tensed up at his statement and you shook your head. "i'm sure hu tao is on the hunt for it." you tried to joke, but the fear building up in the pit of your stomach was just too much.

the gods were definitely against you. the flashlight zhongli was holding had gone out. "oh great. good thing we have our phones." you reached out for your phone in your pocket and hastily turned the flashlight on. "oh, seems like i forgot my phone. let's find hu tao."

for the rest of the night, your hand never left zhongli's. even when you heard a ghoulish scream coming from the upper level

-> kaeya

being roommates with kayea was very, well, exhilarating. he wasn't a terrible roommate but he was totally a fuckboy. you had to set boundaries when you heard unwanted noises coming from him and his friends on the other side of your wall almost every night.

he apologized for his behavior and promised to never let it happen again. until it did.

it was midnight and you were awoken by the very evident sex noises coming from kaeya's room. it had to have been his 3rd person this week. he thought he was being slick by sneaking his links over while you were fast asleep. you were finally going to put a stop to this.

deciding enough was enough, you angrily rip off the blanket on your body and shuffle into your bunny slippers. you march over to kaeya's room and knock very loudly on his door. "kaeya my love, is everything alright. seems like quite a ruckus in there. i'm coming in."

without shame, you open up the door wide to find kaeya and his flavor of the week hiding under his covers. well, time to put your acting skills to use. "oh! kaeya! what's this? how could you! even after i told you about our baby just yesterday?! what am i suppose to do now? i can't deal with this!" you burst out into the fakest tears kaeya has ever seen. kaeya had the most horrific expression on his face. the girl beside him was disgusted. she slapped kaeya, "you told me you were single! your s/o is pregnant! you disgusting man." she grabbed all of her clothes littered on the floor and left the place almost like she was never there.

as soon as she left, you wiped away your fake tears. "what a performance am i right? i'll make a great movie star in the future." kaeya clenched his bedsheets closer to his body and looked at you like he's seen a ghost. "what the hell was that? what did you-" "i told you specifically not to bring anymore of your hookups to our shared dorm. this isn't just your space, kaeya." you crossed your arms and squinted your eyes. he huffed and fell back on his bed. "yeah but did you have to be so dramatic about it? now everyone's gonna think you're pregnant with my baby."

oh. you didn't even think about that. "that's a problem for later. right now i need you to seriously promise me no more hookups. i'm getting tired." kaeya propped himself on his elbows. he knows he was being unfair and totally disrespectful. it was your place too and he shouldn't keep up his antics. "okay. i promise. i swear this time. i'm sorry."

and so he really did keep his promise. in fact, his hookups in general became less and less prominent, until he stopped hooking up with people at all. why? well because he developed feelings for you. he never planned on it, but it kinda just happened.

he realized his feelings when you first brought a date over to your dorm. he didn't like the way you flirted with them and how you laughed at all of their jokes. they should be laughing at my jokes, he thought.

so after that, he began dropping hints that he liked you. of course you never picked up on them. kaeya being a flirt was a normal thing. so it only made sense for you to not pick up what he was putting down.

but kaeya was determined. he was determined to make you his. he just needed a little push.

[mod-kyoko]

Hi there! Saw that the requests were open and here I am😂😂 can I please request for kokichi, nagito, kiibo and rantaro with an s/o who has heterochromia (basically a person with condition in which their iris are of two different colors). S/o is really insecure about it and covers one of their eyes with their bangs all the time. But one day they decide to clip up their bangs and show both of their eyes. I don't really know but I find people with heterochromia really interesting and wanted to see how the reaction of my favorite characters would be😂😂

heya, mod kyoko here! thank you for the request :) your headcanons are down below ⇩⇩⇩

♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧

rantaro, nagito, kokichi, and kiibo with an s/o who has heterochromia

you've never shown rantaro your right eye before

you told him you had heterochromia, but out of respect he never asked to see it

you always had side bangs covering your brown eye

as far as most knew, both of your eyes were blue

secretly, kaede had been helping you regain confidence so you wouldn't have to hide it anymore

one day, you were sitting in front of the mirror with kaede and decided it was finally time

while she was giving you words of encouragement, you clipped your bangs back and sighed at your reflection

it was that moment when rantaro entered the room

you let out a gasp and instinctively went to pull the clip to let your bangs fall back in front of your eye

kaede nervously glanced back and forth between you two

"wait! s/o," a look of regret immediately washed over his face as he rushed towards you

your lip began to tremble as you glared down at your hands

"s/o," he grabbed your face with his hands so you would meet his gaze

kaede gave a small smile, before leaving the room to give you some space

rantaro delicately lifted your bangs and moved them out of the way, slightly gasping when he saw your eyes

"they are... so beautiful," he breathed, staring into them as if they were something he had lost that he finally found

you blush, breaking eye contact to pull him in for a hug

the two of you share a warm embrace that calms your nerves enough for you to realize that maybe having heterochromia isn't so weird

because of this moment, you were able to clip back your bangs to face the rest of your friends that day

like rantaro, nagito was aware of your heterochromia

he just never asked about it

one day you decided to be a little courageous and step outside your comfort zone

you clipped your bangs back, showing off your two-toned eyes, and then left your cottage

the first person you saw just happened to be nagito

"s/o! good morni-" he stopped in his tracks, mouth falling open at the sight of you

with a smile, you walked over to him, trying to keep your nerves at bay

"hey," you greeted him sheepishly

"hey," he breathed, still staring into your eyes

finally, he snapped out of his dazed state, and a look of fear struck his face

"s/o! how rude of me, a person like me shouldn't be staring at a person like you like that, i don't have the right-"

you cut him off mid-sentence by going in for a hug, knowing that if you didn't he would have rambled on forever

once he seemed to calm down, he met your eyes again

"s/o, you probably don't want to hear this from me, but your eyes are really pretty," he mumbled nervously, looking away again

a toothy grin graced your lips as you grabbed his face in your hands

"i really appreciate that, nagito," after placing a kiss on his cheek, he seemed to go back to his relaxed self

hand in hand, the two of you walked towards the hotel restaurant to get some breakfast

nagito made sure to shower you with compliments on your eyes all the time after that

he would often find himself getting lost in them too, so appreciative that you would even show scum like him your most beautiful trait

we all know kokichi doesn't know when to shut up

usually

one morning he found you sitting in front of your mirror in the process of clipping your bangs back, and saw your eyes

he didn't know you had heterochromia, you never told him

when you noticed his presence, you dropped the hair clip in surprise, your bangs falling back in front of your eyes

"what was that about?" he stomped over to you, shoving himself in your face

"kokichi get away-" you tried to dodge his grabby hands but failed

it didn't take long for him to successfully pull your bangs back, revealing your eyes

"haha! that's so weird!" he laughed, staring into them

you grit your teeth as embarrassment flooded you

"get out," you mumbled

he didn't comply, so you repeated yourself louder

"get. out!" you yelled, standing up from your seat

you wanted to put distance between you and him since he deeply ticked you off

he looked genuinely remorseful after that

"wait what?" he asked, trying to take a step towards you

"kokichi, jesus, why would you say something like that?" you continue yelling, making gestures with your hands

his lip starts to tremble

"i didn't mean it, s/o, i was just joking, please don't yell at me," he began shedding his famous crocodile tears, earning an eyeroll from you

"don't you even do that with me, i can see through it"

....

his tears suddenly vanished

you angrily sat on your bed with a loud sigh, resting your head in your hands

not knowing what else to do, he tenderly sat next to you

"i may have faked the tears, but i really do feel bad for what i said, s/o" he frowns, reaching out to grab your hand

you let him

"ouma, you really hurt my feelings. my heterochromia isn't something i show just anyone, i'm actually really insecure about it."

his frown deepened as he climbed onto you for a hug

"i'm really sorry. they do look very cool though, you know." he says

you give him a smile, hugging him tightly

"thanks, ouma."

after that debacle, you decided to take one small step at a time, with kokichi by your side helping you

any time someone insulted your eyes or even looked at them weirdly, he would start screeching at them

you thought it was very funny to watch those people get scared away

boy are you so lucky to have a partner who would stand up for you like that

kiibo doesn't really know how to "read the air"

so when the day came that you finally gained the confidence to show him your multicolored eyes, the first thing he said was:

"wow, s/o, what's wrong with your eyes?!"

very loudly

so loudly in fact that people started whispering

cue the silent treatment

with tears in your eyes and your cheeks painted red, you stormed out of the room and to your dorm

kiibo decided to follow you (good choice, kiibo)

once he found you he was in a very confused and remorseful state

"s/o, what's wrong? did i do something wrong?"

"yes! yes, you did. i had finally become confident enough to trust you with my biggest insecurity and you asked me what is wrong with them?" you yelled, covering your eyes with your hands

without saying anything, kiibo walked over towards you, and sat next to you on your bed

"i uh, i'm sorry, s/o. it's... hard for me to read the situation, i thought there was actually something wrong with you, please forgive me"

with a deep breath, you met his eyes

a few seconds of silence passed by before you began explaining to him your condition

once he understood, he felt even more remorseful for what he said earlier

"well... if it helps... i think they're really pretty" he tried to smile, but the regret was too heavy

after noticing how hard he was beating himself up over it, you decided to forgive him

"it's okay, love. you didn't mean any harm," you lean onto him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, and he is finally able to smile

after that, you decided to clip your hair back for the rest of the day

kiibo was with you as you walked out of your room, giving you words of encouragement as you went to go find your friends

♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧

that concludes your headcanons! i hope they aren't too long, i really got into a groove when writing these. thanks again for the request!

have a great day!

-mod kyoko <3

[1plus1kiyoomi]

Chapter 12: Lost

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[masterlist] [kia’s slambook]

warnings: mentions of sex

You and Kia prepare for your trip, waiting for Akaashi. He mentioned about picking you up since Bokuto lent him his car. You remember about the card Sakusa told you about.

You go to his room, making sure you don’t touch anything, and see that there are two bedside tables. You checked the one on the left first. You open the drawers and see boxes of condoms, some opened, some still new. You close it and go to the other table to get the card.

Something in you says to go check the other drawer again, but it would make you feel guilty. You hear Akaashi’s car honk so you go out instead. You take Kia from the couch and leave the house.

‘Did he date someone in the last 3 years?’ The thought is bothering you and Akaashi notices. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you reply, smiling. He carries Kia and puts  Kia in the safety seat of the car. He returns to the driver’s seat while you sit on the shotgun seat.

You continue to think about what you saw. You broke up. So what if he had a girlfriend? You have no right to dig in your nose into his business. Why are you so upset about him having sex with other women? He’s a grown man. He has his needs.

“You’re spacing out,” Akaashi points out. You shake the thoughts off your mind and stare out of the window. You groan, the thoughts coming back in again. “Spill it.” So you do. You tell him about what you saw. “Why are you so upset? So what if he had sex with someone? You broke up with him, remember?”

“Exactly why I’m bothered!” You cover your face with your hands in frustration.

“If you’re so bothered, why don’t you ask him about it later?” Akaashi suggests, his eyes on the road. You sigh, nodding.

You three arrive at the theme park and suddenly you feel at ease to be outside again. Kia starts running, but luckily, Akaashi has long legs. He easily keeps up with her. You make your way to the booth, while Akaashi carries Kia around to look at some figurines by the entrance.

After you successfully retrieve your reservation tickets, you enter the theme park. Despite being a weekday, it’s still packed with tourists. There are also students in uniforms, probably in a school trip.

“Mama! Look! Robot!” Kia points to the Bumblee Bee statue. Akaashi puts her down and she runs to the statue. The figure starts speaking and Kia’s mouth hangs wide open in amazement. “It talks! Mama! Keikei! It talks!”

You continue to walk around the theme park, stopping on shops and stalls from time to time. While Akaashi excuses himself to go the toilet, you see an ice cream food stall and Kia immediately asks you to buy some for her. You take her to the stall and carry her so she can choose a flavor.

“That would be 600 yen,” the shopkeeper tells you. You put Kia down to take money out of your wallet. You pay for the ice cream. The employee gives you the treat and when you look down, Kia isn’t by your side anymore. “Kia?”

You go around the stall, in hopes that Kia just took a look somewhere near. You search and search but you don’t see any sign of your daughter. Akaashi comes back and sees you getting antsy.

“Where’s Kia?”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Take a good rest, boys. We’ll be back to practice next week. Enjoy your free time because we won’t be having any left after this. Cool down and you may leave,” the MSBY Black Jackals coach announces. The players thank him and say their good byes.

“Training ended earlier than I thought,” Atsumu sighs in relief. “I’m so excited to go home and be in the comfort of my bed.”

“Wanna go to the gym together this Saturday, Bokuto-san?” Hinata asks the older player as they start stretching.

“If I don’t have anything to do,” Bokuto replies.

“Isn’t Akaashi in town?” Sakusa speaks, stretching his wrists. Bokuto’s attention gets stuck on the other spiker’s wrists and he forgets to respond. “Hey.”

“Oh, yeah. Akaashi is in town. How’d you know?” Bokuto eyes the curly haired man in suspicion.

“(Y/N) told me. They’re in Universal today,” Sakusa explains.

“Omi, you’re okay with Kia going to crowded places that is surely full of other people’s germs?” The blonde questions, stretching his legs.

“Do you really think I expect her to grow up like me?” Sakusa rolls his eyes, stretching his back this time. “Germs can be washed away. They can get disinfected. It’s nothing compared to Kia’s upbringing. I don’t have plans to raise her to be clean, I want her to grow up to be someone who she wants to be.”

Atsumu smiles because of his teammate’s response. Not long ago, he would think of Kia as some sort of hindrance, but now he seems happy that she’s around. The blonde also noticed how Sakusa is gradually becoming more soft with his words and actions.

They finish stretching and go back to their dorms. Sakusa is packing his things when he suddenly feels anxious. He can’t think straight. He feels something bad is about to come. He opens his door and check the hallway. “Miya’s not here. If it’s not him, what could it be?”

Sakusa goes back into his room, hearing his phone ring. He sees Kia’s contact name and answers quickly.

“What is it Kia?”

“Kyo... I lost mama,” Kia cries on the other line.

That tone. That way she said it. The feel. It’s too similar with your words 3 years ago.

“Omi... Let’s break up.”

“What? Where are you right now?” Kiyoomi runs out of the dorms. Adrenaline kicking in as he hears Kia’s sobs.

“Why? Let’s talk about it. I’m coming over.”

“I see a dinosaur,” Kia responds, worry and panic in her voice.

“I just don’t see a future for us, Omi.”

“Don’t end the call, okay?” Kiyoomi says softly despite his worries. He hears Kia crying again. He starts his car and connects his phone to the bluetooth of his car. “Hey, stop crying. I’m on my way. Just stay wherever you are.” He doesn’t get respond so he speeds up his driving. “Kia? Baby?”

“Is it something I did? Tell me! Don’t just ignore me, (Y/N).”

“Okay. I’ll wait for you.”

“I’m sorry, Sakusa. But I can’t do this anymore.”

Kiyoomi’s sports car has never been put into good use until now. He arrives in the theme park in top speed record. Luckily, there isn’t a queue on the booths so he gets a ticket promptly.

“Kia?” He puts his phone close to his ear, looking at the theme’s park map. “Are you still near the dinosaurs?”

“You’re joking, right? Tell me this is a prank.”

“Yes. Kia stayed here like you told me,” Kia responds, already calmed down. Kiyoomi rushes to the Jurassic Park area and looks for her in every corner. But Kia couldn’t explain her exact location well. He spots a kid and calls him.

“No. This isn’t a joke.”

“Have you seen this child?” He shows the back of his phone to the boy. The boy nods.

“Yes. She’s sitting near the entrance of the restaurant,” the boy answers. Before Kiyoomi could thank him, the boy recognizes him. “Aren’t you Sakusa Kiyoomi? I’m a big fan of your team!”

“Ah, thanks. Come to my next game, okay? I’ll give you a jersey.” Kiyoomi leaves him and goes to where the kid directed.

Kiyoomi spots her and his steps become bigger and his pace becomes faster. Kia sees him so she climbs down of the bench she is sitting on and runs to meet Kiyoomi halfway. He takes her into his arms, tightly hugging her. He feels her wrap her arms around him, and his heart starts breaking into pieces.

“(Y/N), I know you’re still in there. Whatever it is, let’s work it out,” Kiyoomi shouted from outside of your apartment’s door. He’s been sitting there for hours now. He leaned his back on your door, his knees close to his chest.

Did you really leave?

Were you not coming back?

There are a lot of words he had yet to tell you. He wanted to see you two accomplish your dreams together. He wanted to wake up and the first thing he sees is your face. He wanted to come home and receive your hugs as soon as he steps into the door. He wanted to see you walk down the aisle. He wanted to grow old with you. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. You were all he wanted.

He regretted not hugging you tighter. He regretted not kissing you more. He regretted not spending a lot with you. If only he could do all those things one more time.

“I love you...” He cried. You always said those three words first. Why weren’t you responding?

He’s too late.

He had already lost you.

"Kyo, why are you crying?” Kia asks him, her small hands on his cheeks. She starts tearing up, sad that he’s crying. He doesn’t even know he’s crying. His thoughts is too full of fear and anxiety.

There are still a lot of lessons about life he wants to teach Kia. He wants to see her accomplish her dreams. He wants to drop her off to school. He wants to receive her hugs as he comes home from practice. He wants to see her fall in love with someone who loves her just as much as she does. He wants to see Kia grow. He wants her to see him as her father for the rest of her life.

He regrets not hugging her tight enough. He regrets not kissing her good morning and good night. He regrets not spending time with her. He regrets not being there from the start.

What if he was too late?

What if he didn’t answer her call?

What if he lost her?

“Kyo? Are you mad?” Kia’s lower lip is quivering, tears already coming out of her eyes.

“Kia..” he calls her. She pulls away from his hand and looks at him.

“Yes?” Kia’s voice is shaky. She’s afraid he’ll scold her. She promised to be a good girl. What if he hates her?

Kiyoomi takes a look at her face. He caresses her cheek with his thumb, then plants a kiss on her forehead.  ‘But I’m not too late this time. So I’ll make sure I won’t regret anything. I will never lose the two of you again.’

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Facts:

Most dinosaurs were vegetarian

Many dinosaurs had feathers

The longest dinosaur name is Micropachycephalosaurus

Small carnivore dinosaurs are most likely to be the smartest type of dinosaurs

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Taglist:  @elianetsantana aoi-turtle ptv-hades  aquzairus a-applepi  justoneofthefangirls arianna-r13 morenabambinii chaelysian loser-keiji mxngy ne-kuroo n1fangirlsblog d-efend missalicebaskerville marvelousbakugou @agaashesmilktea​ bonkyandloki kimi09  ntimacy @mkazuyuh  ushi-please minty-mangos-world @dearest-kiyoomi

[citydreamgrls]

a simple favour - part one

fred weasley x fem!reader 

summary: it was all in her best interests, fred never meant to catch feelings for her. it had started as a simple favour.

words: 3,371

warnings: swearing , tw: stalking / stalker , smut in later parts (18+)

find part two here

It had started off out of the blue one morning, a letter waiting for me in the great hall when I came down for breakfast. I had been fixing my hair when multiple heads turned towards me, I frowned as I sat down.

“What?”

Hermione held a letter in her hand, passing it over to me with a weirded out look on her face. I shrugged, recognising my name on the front but not the hand it was written in.

I laughed to myself as my eyes scanned over each carefully thought out word, describing my appearance and how ‘entrancing’ I was. Whoever had intended this letter for me was confessing their feelings in an oddly poetic and creepy way, my only conclusion being that it had to be one of the others playing a trick on me.

“Very funny guys, which one of you wrote this? I can’t recognise the writing.” I threw the parchment down carelessly, letting expectant eyes read over it as Ron grabbed it for himself.

“Doesn’t it say?” Hermione asked me, trying to read it over Harry’s head. “It was already here when we came down.”

“Yeah… this isn’t any of us.” Ron scoffed.

“I think you have a secret admirer y/n.” Harry added, handing it back to me.

I squinted, drinking some of my coffee and eyeing up their faces, expecting one of them to snap and laugh. But all I got was stone cold confusion from each of them. If only the letters had stopped there, then I may not have minded. Little did I know, it would only get worse.

-

The letters came every single day, sometimes multiple times. What once was harmless words of my beauty and desire turned sinister, now whoever was writing also seemed to know my whereabouts every day. He would depict times when I thought I had been alone, or claim he’d watched me go for my morning shower. My every move was documented, all with a perfect description of what I had been wearing even days after it had happened. The most disgusting part was the anonymity, the knowledge that this person was getting away with being a massive pervert and torturing me with it day in and day out. Whoever was obsessed with me was keeping it a secret and successfully stalking me from the sidelines.

The day that I found flowers on my bed I screamed like I’d been stabbed, making Ron and Harry quickly race up to the dorm thinking that I’d been attacked. Both of them had cringed at ‘gift’ with the realisation that he’d been in my room, sat on my bed and possibly done worse.

“Make sure nothing’s been taken.” Ron had said grimly, making me shudder at the fear that they could have something of mine.

“Jesus what a creep.” I’d whispered, stomping over to the bed and throwing the flowers out the window with a furious shout.

Since that day Hermione tried putting a curse on the bedroom door, meaning that only those who knew the counter-curse could enter, and those who didn’t would be blown all the way back down to the common room. Poor Ron had ended up being the test subject, which he wasn’t happy about in the slightest, but we had to make sure it worked somehow.

However, even that didn’t work. The letters kept arriving as usual, and the gifts would still appear neatly in my room every day. Not that it stopped me from discarding them in the most public way possible. My anger was growing by the second and throwing them away didn’t feel finite enough, so one night after watching the boy’s quidditch practice when Hermione and I found a teddy bear on my pillow I finally lost my cool.

I could hear voices in the common room, but that didn’t stop me. With the bear in one hand I stormed down, pushed past the small crowd of people laughing and chatting, and threw it into the fire with a grunt. They all fell into silence, Hermione catching up just in time to see its fur crackle away.

I sighed in relief, it felt good to watch the flames engulf around it. Whispers started up from behind me as my friend came over, her hand holding mine gently as we both just stood there. The bear's eyes began to melt, the plastic dripping down its face.

“Come on,” She murmured, taking me back upstairs where I screamed about how horrifying it all was and whether this ‘sick fuck’ thought he was being genuinely romantic.

-

“Who do you think it could be?” Hermione asked me the next night, as I ripped up yet another letter. The sight of my own owl was beginning to instil fear within me.

“At first I thought it could’ve been the twins, but even they’re finding this too much.”

Fred and George knew pretty much everything about everyone at Hogwarts, but when Ron had shown them the extent of this person’s doing, they too drew up a blank, mentioning how weird all of it was.

“They’re not like that,”

“This isn’t a harmless prank anymore is it?” I asked the girl, who wanted desperately to help me solve this twisted mystery.

“I don’t think it ever was,” She hummed to herself, sighing in defeat at the knowledge that the letter I was destroying was in no means the last of its kind.

-

It quickly became common knowledge that I had a stalker after my meltdown in the common room. Professor Mcconagall even offered to help, but there wasn’t much she could do without knowing who it was. Honestly I was weirdly glad she couldn’t, all this frustration had made me determined to deal with the fucker myself.

Hermione didn’t let me go anywhere by myself anymore, with the fear that the creep could pounce while I was without one of them. Most of the time it was fine, I had classes with at least one of them at all times and we had meals together as it was. But it meant that whenever I needed to study, one of them would have to go with me to the library. Hermione also made the rule that she’d sit outside my cubicle every time I showered, especially since the stalker had mentioned it before, keeping watch in case he tried to show up while I was vulnerable.

Despite it making my life a little more complicated, I was glad the others were so willing to look after me. If it wasn’t for them being with me 24/7 who knows what could have happened?

-

It was Harry’s turn to be on y/n watch, as he and Ron had called it, when Fred and George came running into the common room breathless. We had been looking over the most recent letter and discussing more theories on who it could possibly be when they’d burst in. We let them get their breath back, Fred hunching over as George did his best to get his words out.

“We know who it is y/n..” He’d just about managed. I jumped up, letting him sit down.

“Wh-at? Really? Who- how?” I stuttered.

Fred stood up straight, having finally gotten his heartbeat back down.

“Katie bell said she’d seen Cormac Mclaggen writing some letters this morning, then Lavender said something about him buying a teddy in Hogsmeade last week.”

“But they both saw him coming down your dorm tower last night.” George finished, cutting his brother off from the kicker of the story.

“Oi I was getting to that.” Fred grumbled, but I had zoned them as soon as I’d heard Cormac’s name mentioned.

My fists clenched up with absolute aggression, I could kill him. Now I had a disgusting, smug face to put to all the fear and loathing he’d caused and all I wanted to do was break said face.

“That fucker!” I shouted out into thin air, heading for the door. But Fred was the one to catch me before I reached it, dragging me back again without a second thought.

“Y/n it could be someone else,” Harry tried to reason, but it had to be him. It only made sense. The twins didn’t seem too convinced but argued another point against me going to find him myself.

“Besides Mclaggen is a big guy, if you go alone there’s no saying what he’d do to you.” George nodded in agreement with his brother and, as much as I hated to admit it, Fred was right. Cormac had been keeper on their quidditch team for a while now, and didn’t hide how much he liked to work out when flirting with girls. So why was he choosing me to be so creepy and mysterious to, not that I would’ve appreciated him doing it face to face either.

We decided to have a secret meeting later that night with everyone after telling Hermione and Ron what we’d learnt. Ron was mad, wanting to confront him immediately similarly to how I had reacted, but like the others Mione agreed that we should plan something.

“Guys like that are too proud, he won’t listen to y/n if she rejects him in person,” She had explained, cross legged at the end of my bed. I was propped up against my headboard, my knees tucked up to my body with multiple means of murder running through my mind.

“Not to mention you’d be giving him the satisfaction he’s always wanted,” Fred added, sitting on the windowsill beside me. One of his feet was hanging off the edge near me, swinging ever so slightly. Some weird part of me wanted to reach out, just for something to hold onto.

In the end it was decided that Ron, Harry and the twins would go and talk to him in the morning while they were at quidditch practice. This meant that I could go down to breakfast without the worry that he would be there, watching me from down the table. I tried to hide my fear of him, but with so many of them looking after me that night it was inevitable that at least one of them saw the tears in my eyes, if not all of them.

-

Hermione, Ron and Harry needed to go to the library to do homework after we discussed Cormac, leaving me with the twins as bodyguards which could have been worse. They did their best to take my mind off of the boy who had been writing to me about his deepest fantasies, but I wasn’t in the mood for it.

George played around with the perfume bottles lined up on the dresser, using his wand to make them dance. He had always been good at keeping himself amused. Fred had remained on the windowsill the whole time, his foot still going back and forth even when I laid on my side and found it right in my face.

He laughed lightly as I poked it away wordlessly, only to push it back into my face again. Admittedly, our little game of him swinging his foot to me so I could gently hit it away kept my mind busy for a while. Obviously it had sent me to sleep too, as I woke up when Hermione came back to let the twins go. Half asleep I groaned a thank you to them, Fred rustling my hair as he passed by and George slapping my leg in recognition.

-

Breakfast the next morning felt tense, Lavender had told people she thought it was Mclaggen which meant everyone kept coming up to ask if it was true. Some of them even tried to convince me how nice he really was, and that I was lucky to be wanted by him. Hermione of course sent them all on their way, keeping a hold of my hand as I struggled to finish even one slice of toast. All the while, my eyes remained glued to the great hall doors, hoping I wouldn’t see him turn up early from practice. The thought of seeing him at all had kept me away from the common room, a sickly feeling bubbling in my stomach knowing that the boy’s would probably be confronting him right about now.

I felt like throwing up on the spot, my friend’s hand getting crushed in my own as I saw him saunter in, his eyes immediately catching mine and giving me a smug smile. All I wanted to do was go over to where he sat down without a care and break his nose off with one punch. That would stop him from smirking so much like a pervert.

“What happened?” Hermione asked the boys when they finally arrived.

“”He’s a huge git you know.” Ron grumbled, glaring the boy down but the whole time it was me he was watching. I stopped looking after a while, my eyes glossing over as I listened to the twins explain how he’d reacted.

“I don’t think he even cares that we know,” Fred said.

“He’s proud of it really.” George added, making that sickly feeling somehow intensify.

“Even with these two around he wasn’t bothered,” Harry pointed to the older Weasley brothers with a huff.

“Yeah, and we were threatening him quite a lot.” George laughed, no one else really responding to his attempt at a cheery comment.

“We better go,”Hermione said, checking the time and taking my hand “Come on, if we don’t go now he might wait all day.” She whispered to me and I nodded, standing up with her. “Just ignore him.” The girl reminded me as we got nearer to his end of the table, his eyes following my step.

I broke from Mione’s grip, leaning across the table to him with a glare on my face. The fear had turned into anger all over again now that he was in front of me.

“You’re vile Mclaggen.”

“What’s wrong y/n?” He asked, that smirk never faltering. “Didn’t you like my love letters?”

People around him were confused, now learning that he’d been the one to stalk me these past couple of weeks. While some of them were his friends, none of them jumped to his defense.

“You need to get a fucking life, and leave me alone you freak.” I spat, standing up straight again to see a shocked Hermione waiting for me. I just smiled and took her hand again, leading her out of the hall as if nothing had happened.

“Christ y/n..” she scoffed “Well done.” I leant against the windowsill in the hallway, laughing hysterically into my hands.

“God that felt good.” I breathed a sigh of relief, not sure whether it worked or not but glad that I at least got to embarrass him for just one moment.

-

It was my mistake to let my guard down and expect nothing more from Mclaggen that day. Because what happened that very night still is the very reason people check that every door and window is locked before they go to bed.

The commotion had woken me up first, shouts and panicked scuffling coming from two different people. Then the lights were turned on, dragging me out of my sleep in a single second just to see Hermione standing in the middle of the room with her wand outstretched. At the other end, Cormac Mclaggen was backing away slowly with his hands in the air, finally a frightened look on his face. He looked over at me, now awake and frozen with fear, giving Mione a chance to shout out for help.

“RON! FRED!” she screamed, knowing just one of them had to have heard from their beds. With this Cormac ran off, Hermione shooting stunning spells after him but he dodged every one of them as he descended the tower.

“Oh my god,” I finally gasped, swallowing down hard. I broke out into a burst of tears just before the boys turned up at the door George and Harry with them, all of them with wands out for whatever was going to be inside. Hermione wrapped her arms around me, looking up at the boys but still reassuring me that it was all okay now.

“He was in here,” She said slowly, making Ron and Harry race down to the common room to see if they could catch him.

Fred and George came to my side, each taking one of my hands and holding it tight. They sat with me all through the night, letting Hermione sleep for a while. Neither of them dared drift off themselves, certain that this wouldn’t be the creep’s last attempt to get close to me.

“You can sleep if you want,” Fred whispered to me, my head leaning on his shoulder. I shook it slightly.

“I can’t.”

-

{third pov}

When y/n whispered to him that she couldn’t sleep, despite all the people there to keep watch for that dick Mclaggen, Fred decided he wanted to see him dead. There had to be more he could do, something that would make him leave her alone for good. Threats hadn’t worked on him, neither had the girl he wanted so badly confronting him. So the boy felt at a loss, yet fuelled to stop the onslaught of fear that y/n felt.

So he waited until his brother was in the shower to sneak off to the courtyard, hoping to catch the pervert on his way to his daily run by the lake.

“Oi, Mclaggen!” He called across the empty bridge, seeing him appear from the castle.

“You alright Weasley?”

“It’s Fred. And I know what you did last night?” He stood tall over the boy, but nothing seemed to waver his confidence.

“And what would that be?”

“You were there, in her room. You sick fucker.” The boy huffed, feeling himself growing more and more frustrated at Cormac’s arrogance.

“You missed quite a party,” he scoffed, raising his eyebrows. Fred reached forward, grabbing his shirt and pulling it up to his chin.

“You listen to me, Okay? Leave y/n alone.” The boy swore that the pervert’s smile grew.

“And what’s it to you Weasley.” He all but hissed.

“She’s my girlfriend.”

The words had come out quicker than he’d really had time to think over their repercussions, but seeing the look on Mclaggen’s face drop in shock made up for whatever he was going to have to do from then on.

“She.. l-likes you?” Fred dropped him again, making him stumble slightly as he thought it over.

“Afraid so buddy.”

“How long has she been yours?” He hated the way it was phrased as if y/n was a possession for one of them to own.

“Two weeks.” Fred lied yet again, the anger he’d felt pushing him continue this story. At least it seemed to bother the other boy enough.

Cormac had sent one last glare at the ginger, before going off in a huff. Finally something had worked, maybe not for good, but it at least had gotten a reaction out of him. As Fred headed back inside the castle he realised that the only way the creep’s obsessive ways could be stopped, was if y/n’s attention was somewhere else.

Now he just had to find a way to explain that to her, without her getting too mad.

-

My room was now my safe place, somewhere he couldn’t turn up without consequence. Harry had brought me some breakfast from the great hall, and Ron was doing his best to keep what little spirits we had amongst us high. Hermione and George had given up trying to convince me to tell Mcgonagall, as I assured them nothing could be done unless he was caught inside the dorm.

“It’s just our word against his,” I huffed. We were all sitting around wondering where Fred had disappeared to when he appeared at the door, an awkward smile on his face when we all looked over at him.

“So…” He started, his voice wary as if we all might snap at him for what he was abou to say. “I might have done something bad.”

[koshicoast]

A few shinkami headcannons because I love them more than anything

Shinsou has a growth spurt and practically towers over Denki by their second year (for all intents and purposes, Shinsou has always been in class 1A)

Denki grows a little bit but not that much, he’s not complaining though, he gets Shinsou to grab stuff on the top shelve for him or has him hang up posters in higher places in his room (the only downside is that he has to get on his tippy toes for kisses but usually Shinsou will just bend down like a good boyfriend)

They go on dates every Sunday, It’s their day and it doesn’t matter what they’re doing as long as it’s just the two of them

They could be studying or doing homework or exercising or anything really and they’ll call it a date

The rest of the class knows better than to try and contact either boy on Sunday

“Normies worship Jesus on Sunday but I worship Shinsou” - Denki, at one point in time

Shinsou loves playing with denki’s hair, he buys different kinds of hair clips just to put them in denki’s hair

he just likes how the colors pop out

He especially likes to see purple hair clips in denki’s hair

Tbh it doesn’t have to be hair clips, it could be a scrunchie or a rubber band or a headband; as long as it’s purple it does wonders to shinsou’s heart

Denki likes playing with shinsou’s hair too but more than that he likes seeing Shinsou in yellow clothing

Shinsou doesn’t wear bright colors a lot usually sticking with black or cool tone colors

But when he does wear yellow, Denki just gets all mushy no matter how small it is

It could be yellow earrings or socks or something and Denki will wear a love sick expression all day

Despite being in the hero course, Shinsou still gets incredibly insecure about his quirk and how some people only see him as a villain

Denki, without fail or hesitation, tells Shinsou what a great hero he’s gonna be, he talks about how Shinsou is gonna inspire a new wave of underground heroes and how he’s gonna be some kid’s Aizawa one day and how proud he is of him (The first time he said that, it makes Shinsou sob. It makes denki cry too bc he’s a sympathetic crier so they just lay in bed holding eachother)

He also tells Shinsou how no matter who’s the number one hero, Shinsou will always have first place in his heart. And that Shinsou is just as much as any other hero out there and even a little more because he’ll be underground

Denki just loves his boyfriend so much and whoever planted the idea that some quirks are just made for evil is going to get electrocuted >:(

Denki will also pepper Shinsou in kisses saying things like ‘you are so kind’ ‘you’re an amazing person’ ‘I love you so much’ ‘You’re my hero’ and just a bunch of stuff so by the end of their heart to heart Shinsou is feeling a lot better

Denki gets insecure about how ‘dumb’ he is and how he’ll probably just end up hurting civilians or himself before he hurts a villain

Shinsou hates how that’s how Denki views himself because Denki is one of the kindest people in the world and doesn’t even realize it like the first time Denki told him that insecurity, Shinsou looked at him and was like ‘are you..you’re serious? Denks, You’re one of the most clever people I know’

Whenever Denki mentions it, Shinsou he just squeezes the blonde and lets him cry out his frustrations before telling him that ‘he’s not an idiot or stupid and that it’s okay not to understand something as fast as others and that it’s okay to learn differently and it’s okay’ (Shinsou will always try not to cry but a few tears fall anyways bc he just wants denks to be happy without feeling like he’s a fuckup)

Shinsou never lets Denki call himself an idiot or stupid, even in a joking way.

They don’t fight a lot because of their personalities like

Denki is a people’s person and is really in tune with other’s emotions and by default is a pacifist unless otherwise

Shinsou isn’t a people’s person but he’s observant due to his quirk bc of how he’s been treated in the past, he’s also good at picking up on people’s body language

Most times it’s just small disagreements and even then they communicate the best they can and try to compromise

If that doesn’t work then they’ll give each other space so the disagreement won’t turn into something ugly

They’ve only fought once and it was the worst (and best) thing for them

The fight happened after a mock rescue mission goes wrong and there were weeks of stress and tension leading up to it

It was messy and bad like really bad

“I just don’t get why you have to run into danger!” Denki screamed. The whole dorm could probably hear them but he didn’t care, not when his boyfriend was looking at him like he just lost his mind.

It was supposed to be a simple training exercise. Simple. Go in, defeat villains, rescue the ‘hostages’. It was not that simple.

*insert how badly the mission went and Shinsou ran towards the danger to help or smth idk*

It gets pretty rough between the two of them because they’re both pretty emotional people

Shinsou thinks denki doesn’t want him to be a hero and denki thinks Shinsou doesn’t want to be with him

It’s a lot of insecurities + stress + yelling

Denki is the first one to break, he’s a lot more emotionally sensitive than Toshi and everything is just crashing down and he hates it

“Do you just not want to be with me?!” He cries, unable to keep the tears at bay any more. He hates arguing with people, especially when that person happens to be his boyfriend. He gets it, he does! Toshi is training to become a hero and so is he but that doesn’t make it easier. Doesnt stop the shot of fear whenever he watches the other get hurt, doesn’t stop the late night self deprecation, doesn’t stop the anxiety he gets whenever he sees Toshi run head first into danger.

But he gets it and somehow it’s a bitter realization.

Because Hitoshi’s priority is the job they signed up for and Denki’s is Hitoshi.

The fight ends with tears on both their parts and they call it a night, too tired to scream anymore

They sleep in their own rooms that night

The next morning they agree to take a break, not a full break up, but some time away. Space away from each other to prioritize and think.

(Now ive seen fanfics where everyone picks denki over Shinsou and i hate that so fuck you, class 1A are both their friends and they’re all family and try and to help each other I will die with that statement)

Surprisingly the two most helpful people are Bakugou and Kirishima

(Actually not that surprising, they’re the longest couple in the whole class, dating immediately after Kamino)

Bakugou and denki have a heart to heart

“You’re both dumbasses” Katsuki sighs heavy, passing another tissue over to the sobbing blonde. He’s not good at these kinds of things, but Kirishima told him he could help the electric blonde more than he could so here he is. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong or just cry?” He asks, not without a hint of worry though. He pretends to ignore it.

So denki tells him everything and his insecurities

Oh. Yeah, Kirishima was right.

“You think I’m an idiot” Denki mutters quietly, harshly rubbing his eyes.

“No” The older blonde shakes his head, plopping down on the bed next to the other. He doesn’t turn to meet yellow eyes, his own trained on the All Might poster hanging directly across from them. He feels Pikachu’s curious gaze on him so he decides to elaborate more, knowing the sooner he helps the sooner he doesn’t have to deal with this anymore. It’s totally not because he’s gotten soft. Absolutely not.

“Trust me, Zombie Eyes looks at you like you put the fucking stars in the sky. It’s disgusting to watch.” He crinkles his nose in disgust earning a small laugh. “People like him and I, we gotta work twice as hard. Not saying that no one else does but it’s different.” He stresses the last word. “People like Ei or Deku or even you, people already see you as good so all you gotta do is get stronger. They don’t question your character, your morals, they don’t look down on you for having a weakness. People like Zombie Eyes and I though?we gotta work hard just to prove that we’re good. That we were meant to become heroes. Every action we do is put under a microscope and analyzed.” He explains.

“We’re assholes by default, It’s how we were raised. Not saying it as an excuse though. He was in the shitty system and I had shitty parents, no adult taught us shit like love or how to properly deal with feelings.”

Stupid Deku tried with him but he didn’t even know how to deal with his own much less some angry blond kid’s.

He takes a deep breath, pushing back faint memories of his childhood. The younger hasn’t said a word but he can tell he’s listening so it’s fine. “We can’t just turn off how we are. If it’s frustrating for you and Ei, It’s worse for us. Like we know logically that we’re good people, that we changed but that’s now how our brain sees it. We push ourselves because that’s all we know how to do, it proves to us and everyone else that we bled for our spot here. That we made it. Having friends is hard because we compare ourselves to them and draw our own conclusions to their actions. Being nice? Our brain says it’s a trap. Showing some human fucking decency? Our shitty brain says it’s an act. Being in a relationship? Laughable. We’re just villains pretending to play heroes to everyone else.”

He takes another deep breath, forcing himself to look away from the poster, flashbacks to their first year briefly passing in his head. Okay yeah, not going down that route. He looks over, making eye contact. He wonders if this is how Kirishima feels whenever he’s trying to cheer him up. Wonders if it’s just as hard. This better be worth it, everyone has been miserable. (Shitty thing about having been through life and death situations together is that everyone has bonded and become close like a family so when one of them is sad it’s like everyone is fucking sad.) (He loathes it because even he gets worried.)

“But despite that he still loves you.” He says softly, almost whispering like he’s telling the other a secret. “Fights his demons to hold your hand and all that shit”

Shinsou loves him? Loves him?

“How do you.. how do you know?” Denki whispers, throat sore. “We fought so badly last night, we were screaming at eachother.”

“He treats you the same way I treat Ei.” He answers,

“He changed his priorities around to try and accommodate for another person in his life, you became more important than training or studying. He takes days off to be with you, cuts his studying short if you need a break. It might not seem much to others but for him that’s huge. He came in with this one track mind but then you came along and he scrambled to balance everything. And then you two got your shit together and started to go out and I’m pretty sure he got scared”

“Scared?” Denki asks, the thought almost funny to him.

“I did.” Bakugou admits as Denki’s eyes grow wide.

“I was petrified. When Ei started to become more important than hero work, I freaked. It’s not that loverboy is choosing being a hero over you, It’s because he doesn’t understand that he can have both. He thinks everything important is a choice- that if you want something you have to give something up. He chooses hero work and he loses you. He chooses you and he loses hero work.”

“But he’s not going to lose me or hero work”

“Kinda sounded like you did give him an ultimatum though”

The realization hits him like cold water.

Shinsou gets a similar talk with Kirishima

It helps, a lot

They don’t immediately go back to eachother, instead spending the week with their everyone else and just taking time for themselves

Shinsou knocks on Denki’s door Sunday morning and they finally talk things out

It’s also the first time they say ily!!

Anyways after that fight they work harder on communicating especially when it comes to things like hero work

It’s not perfect bc their dumb traumatized teens but they’re trying and they know their lil family will always be there

I haven’t slept but yes thanks for sticking around if you’re reading this

If ur interested in shinsou’s talk with Kirishima lmk

[prettyboyjackhughes]

-Boy Best Friends- [J. Hughes & T.Smith]

Literally no one asked for this but Kelly @prettyboycozens and I were talking about how much we love Jack and Ty's friendship, especially after the interview of Jack where Ty comes in and then came up with this idea and I had to write it so here we are! Hope you enjoy!

Jack and I had been close since we were little. We started out next door neighbors then he was the weird boy who I waited at the bus stop with, then he became the boy I had every class with in middle school. Around 6th grade is when we finally clicked and became best friends. He calls me ‘Ranch’ even though my name is Rachel, all because one time his phone autocorrected ‘Rach’ to ‘Ranch’ and he thinks it’s the funniest thing ever. He even changed my contact name to ‘Ranch’.

It’s been an interesting 8 years being friends with him and watching him grow up. The funny thing is, I’m pretty sure we’ve only spent a full year together one time during our whole friendship. He’s always been off doing all his hockey stuff while I’ve been home in Michigan. But then college rolled around. He got drafted the summer after my senior year, managing to watch me walk across the stage at graduation before flying up to Vancouver for his draft 2 days later. I watched him get drafted on TV and remember the thrill of hearing New Jersey picked him because coincidentally, the college I was planning on attending, Seton Hall, was about 20 minutes away from the arena he would be playing in. Knowing I would be getting to spend, hopefully, the next 4 years with my best friend within a short car ride’s distance away for the first time in 8 years was some of the best news I had gotten in a long time.  The first year was rough but I managed to survive, mainly because of Jack. It took a while to figure out the dynamic of our friendship but we settled into a routine and a comfortable cycle. We went back to Michigan for the summer, spending it with our families. He trained most of the summer while I worked. But almost every evening was spent together. Then it came time for us to head back to Jersey and back to the chaos that waited for us.

“Why are you living in the dorm again next year? When Ty and I have a perfectly good room for you to stay in?” Jack asked, his face way too close to his phone. We had been on FaceTime for at least the last 2 hours, him distracting me as I attempted to do homework.

“Because I can? Why would I wanna live with you and Ty?” I shot back, smirking as he looked offended.

“Well that one hurts. Hey, I was just offering so you didn’t have to worry about getting stuck with a bad roommate, like freshman year.” I grimaced at the thought of my freshman year roommate. I had spent more time camped out in Jack’s apartment than at my own dorm.

“That is a good point. But who said you and Ty are good roommates? I know for one, you never pick up anything, your room was always a disaster when we were little and Ty sings in the shower so there’s two cons.” Jack rolls his eyes.

“My singing is lovely! You’re just jealous you can’t sing as well as me!” Ty yells from across the room as Jack turns the camera to show him.

“We’ll work on the singing. And I’ve gotten much better at cleaning up after myself. I even know how to do laundry now!” Jack says, excitedly. I laugh and put my pen down.

“This really isn’t convincing me to move in with you two. Just saying.”  Jack rolls his eyes.

“Just give us a chance. It’ll be fun.” I shrug.

“Okay fine. But you do know that means Brady will be around the apartment, right?” Jack’s face screws up a little and I roll my eyes. Brady is my boyfriend that I met midway through my freshman year. He was a sophomore, majoring in business and just happened to be at the very first party I went to. He was older, in a fraternity and sweet-talked me. I fell head over heels for him almost instantly. But the issue was that Jack and Ty weren’t huge fans.

“Jack, he's not that bad.” This time it’s Jack’s turn to scoff.

“Yeah because having to go and pick your drunk boyfriend up from a party every 2 nights doesn’t make him that bad.” Ty appears next to him and starts talking.

“Rach, we’re just looking out for you. We don’t exactly love the guy.”

“Well that’s what’s gonna happen so get used to the idea.” Jack looks over at Ty.

“I think we can be civil. So you’re moving in?” I nod and Jack cheers. I roll my eyes and start to think about what I have to pack.

The next two weeks are a whirlwind of chaotic packing and moving. The boys were sweet enough to give me the biggest bedroom in the apartment, even though I had the least amount of stuff out of the 3 of us. Once I had moved in, the boys and I settled into a routine of me cooking, then cleaning up, them doing laundry and me folding; really just a lot of splitting up the housework and jobs around the house to get them done. Brady was around a lot, but Jack and Ty were civil and not complete jerks. I was proud of them. But then one night, while Jack, Ty and I were watching some movie Ty had been wanting to watch, I got yet another call from Brady asking me to come pick him up.

“Baby…I…need you to come get me…I-“ Brady’s drunk voice is drowned out by the yelling and music in the background and I can’t hear him anymore.

“Brady, where are you? I’ll come get you.” He mumbles something back but I can’t understand it so I just end the call.

“I have to go get Brady. He’s drunk at a party again.” I say, sighing as I get up off the couch. Jack and Ty exchange a look and then Jack gets up too.

“I’ll drive you. You’ll have to make sure he doesn’t puke in my car though.” I nod as Ty stands up too.

“Might as well come along for the ride.” I slip my shoes on and follow Jack out the door of the apartment, Ty closing the door behind us.

“Let me check his location and I’ll tell you where we’re going.” After enough times of being left sitting somewhere and having no idea where Brady was, he ended up agreeing to share his location with me. In times like these, it was his saving grace.

“He’s about half an hour away. The party must be somewhere in New York.” Jack doesn’t say anything, just starts driving. The ride there is silent, for the first time. Usually Jack and Ty won’t shut up when we’re in the car, constantly fighting about what music to listen to, whose turn it is to drive; everything under the sun is up for discussion when we’re in the car. I usually sit back and listen, occasionally injecting myself into the conversation when I feel necessary. I’ll also play mediator when they’re fighting over something stupid. But the fact that it was silent in the car right now, made everything so much worse. It feels like we’re driving to the end of the world.

“There’s the house.” I say, almost 45 minutes later. Jack manages to get the car parked and turns around to look at me.

“You want us to come with you to find him?” I shake my head, sliding out of the car and shutting the door behind me. This would be the 5th time I’ve had to pick Brady’s drunk ass up from a party in the last 2 weeks. I was getting pretty tired of it. But his explanation was that it was because he was in a fraternity. He said that it was apart of his “brotherhood” or something stupid like that. I didn’t buy any of it but I loved him so I let it go. And as I waded my way through ridiculously sweaty bodies all dancing to way too loud music, I remembered how much I didn’t like partying.

“Hey you’re Brady’s girlfriend right?” A girl asks, grabbing my arm and yelling over the music. I turn to her and nod, an eyebrow raised.

“I just saw him go into a room with some other girl. Top of the stairs on the left.” I gulped, hoping she was wrong.

“Thanks!” I yell back, hurrying over to the stairs and taking them two at a time. I wind through people going up and down the stairs and manage to get to the door. As my hand finds the handle, I take a deep breath, hoping and praying that the sight behind this door isn’t going to be what I think it is. I finally bite back the fear and push the door open. Sure enough, sprawled out across the bed with some girl’s hands all over his bare chest is my boyfriend.

“Baby? Hey I-“ He says, starting to sit up.

“Fuck you. Hope she’s worth it.” I spit out, glaring at him before turning around to rush out of the room. I stumbled down the stairs, bumping into people and blindly apologizing as I pushed through the crowd. Somehow I managed to make it out of the house and into the back seat of Jack’s car.

“Hey hey hey are you okay? Where’s Brady?” Jack asked, a concerned look plastered across his face.

“He-he cheated on me. Wi-with some girl at the p-party.” I stuttered, fighting the tears pressing against my eyes. He and Ty exchange a look and then both look at me.

“Just drive Jacky. Please.” I whisper as the tears finally start to slow a little. It’s silent again for most of the car ride. My phone kept buzzing with texts and calls from Brady but finally, after what seemed like the thousandth call, I put it on do not disturb and tossed onto the seat next to me.

“Well, I mean, there’s always the option of kicking his ass.” Ty says from the front seat, looking up into the rearview mirror at me.

“What do you say, Jacky boy?” I bury my face in my hands and finally let the tears fall.

“Shit Ty, she’s crying! You broke her!” Jack says, hitting Ty’s arm as he looks back at me.

“I didn’t break her! How is it my fault!” They continue to argue back and forth the rest of the ride home, which would usually make me smile and roll my eyes but not today. Not after what just happened.

As soon as we get back to the apartment, I rush inside and to my room, closing the door behind me. I heard Jack and Ty come in not long after me and whisper about something for a while. I hear the front door open and close again and then Jack tapping lightly on my door.

“Hey Ranch, you okay?” He asks, getting a tiny smile from me because of the nickname.

“I should’ve listened to you and Ty. You said he wasn’t good for me but I didn’t listen. I-I thought he loved me.” This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve cried to Jack about boys. I’ve had my share of boyfriends through the years and every single break up was cried out, usually over the phone with Jack.

“Ty went to go get you ice cream and I remembered how much you like bubble baths so I got one ready for you if you want…” He says, awkwardly picking at his thumb and looking at me.

“Seriously, how did I get so lucky to have you as my best friend? You and Ty?” He smiles a little as I sit up and walk over to where he’s standing in the doorway.

“You both are going to make some very lucky girls happy someday, you know that right?” He smiles and nods as I hug him.

“Now aren’t you glad you moved in here?” I smile and nod, looking up at him.

“Yeah. Yeah I am.”

[asian-hero]

Can i ask for an emergency bnha request? Maybe main 3 with an S/O who’s hiding their grief (lost my grandma and 2 tios in a month) and she doesn’t want to seem weak or burden so she just shuts down during the day and breaks down at night in the dorm, until something reminds her of them so she starts tearing up during class and the boys confront her after?

A/N: I am sorry for your loss. If you need anyone to talk to, know that I’ll be here for you. I can’t imagine how you feel, but I do know that sometimes, letting things out is the best way to deal with your feelings. So please, don’t lock away your feelings, I promise that things will get better

Midoriya Izuku

If anyone could read you like an open book, it’d be Izuku. Not because you’re an extremely open person who wears their heart on their sleeve, but simply because he cares about you so much that he’s taken the time to learn about you, and now knows you like the back of his hand

So, when you walk into class one morning, he notices immediately that something is off. Not only do you not smile as you walk in, but you also don’t make any move to go and talk to your friends, instead opting to just sit at your desk. Your behavior worries him, at the very least, but he doesn’t ask you what’s wrong, as by the time he’s made up his mind, Aizawa is already taken his spot behind the lecture podium, telling them all to pay attention

Later, when he asks you if you’re alright, you simply shrug him off, telling him that you’re fine, you just don’t feel like talking to anyone at the moment

That immediately puts him into panic mode. There’s probably a million thoughts rushing through his mind, wondering whether he was being too annoying, if there was something that he’d done to make you upset, if there was anything important that he missed. It honestly throws him into a loop, and for the rest of the day, he tries to figure out why you you seem so different

Izuku is always a ball of anxiety, always overthinking, overanalyzing, and your relationship wasn’t exempt from this. He always wondered whether or not he was a good boyfriend, if he was enough for you. So, when you started slowly pulling away, he couldn’t help but think the worst. He almost automatically assumed that you were tired of him, or, even worse, he had somehow messed up along the way, and made you upset without even knowing

While he was going on several different tangents, you were holed up in your room, doing your best to conceal your sobs. In just one month, the world had taken three family members away from you. Every day you’d do your best to maintain a calm facade, not allowing anyone to see you at your worst moment

Since you didn’t want to bother anyone with your issues, you kept them close to your heart. In the daytime you’d keep to yourself, focusing solely on your work, though you didn’t really get much done. In the night, you would cry yourself to sleep, doing your best to keep your sobs as silent as possible. However, once you were finally asleep, you’d dream of those who you lost, and then wake up in a cold sweat, tears streaming down your face, and soon enough, the cycle would start over. It was safe to say that you didn’t get much sleep anymore

Your lack of sleep didn’t go unnoticed by Izuku. Once he saw the seemingly permanent dark circles under your eyes, it threw him into an even greater panic. Why weren’t you sleeping? Was it because of the upcoming midterms? Stress of being a hero in training? What was it? He desperately wanted to reach out to you and comfort you, but his fear of being rejected stopped him

Eventually, though, when you started tearing up in class, looking as if you were about to lose it, Izuku finally steeled his nerves and gently asked what was wrong

At first, you tried to deny that there was anything wrong, it was just simply the stress of school catching up to you. However, after a few more minutes of his gentle pressing, you finally caved, no longer able to hold back your tears. As soon as they left your eyes, Izuku panicked. He tried to reassure you that everything was alright, that he was sorry for pushing too much

In all honesty, he probably cried with you as well, since he’s a sympathetic crier

So, the two of you were just sitting in the middle of class, your classmates long gone, just sobbing as you held each other close, almost as though the other would disappear if you let go. After a few more minutes of tearful sobs, you finally told him what was going on, how you lost some of your family in such a short amount of time

Though he’s never really had anyone important to him die, and he may not be able to understand what you’re going through, he lets you know that he’ll be there for you if you need anything. He wants you to know that he cares for you, and that he’ll do anything to make you feel better

When you tell him that you didn’t want to be a burden, Izuku immediately rejects that idea. To him, you’re one of the most important people in his life, and he doesn’t know what he’d do without you, so it hurts him a little that you feel as if your issues would be a burden to him. He reassures you that you’ll never be a burden to him, and that he wants to be there for you, even if it’s your worst day

All he wants is for you to feel better, and he’ll be there every step of the way

Bakugou Katsuki

It’s widely known that Katsuki isn’t the best when it comes to comfort, and he’s even worse when it comes to people showing weakness

However, just because he has poor comfort skills, it doesn’t mean that he isn’t observant. So, when he sees you start to pull away, you better believe that this boy is both confused as hell and angry

It starts off with the little things, with you being rather silent in class, not speaking unless spoken to. Then, he starts to notice how you don’t bother hanging out with your friends anymore, and even the time that you spend with him is either cut short, or you don’t really say anything at all. He would also notice that you’ve lost the life behind your eyes, and, while you try and pretend that everything’s fine, he notices how devoid of emotion you look, how absolutely empty you are

When he first tries to ask you about it, albeit in a rather forceful manner, you shrug him off, saying that you’ve just had an off day, that you’ll be good tomorrow

Slowly, tomorrow turns into the next day, and the day after that, and soon enough it’s been three weeks and Katsuki’s had enough

While he’s angrily brewing in the corner, you’re crying in your dorm room, wanting nothing more than to just go home, where you can be with your family

It was a rather dark month for your family. Three family members had died in the same month, and you truly couldn’t believe it. It was almost like someone had ripped a part of your heart out, and you couldn’t get it back. Since it was such a short span of time, all of your grief had built up, and every single night you found yourself buried in your blankets, face first in your pillow, sobbing your heart out. You tried to be as quiet as possible, as you didn’t want people to pity you, or for them to think that you’re weak. You were in a heroes course after all, and death was a part of the job, so you felt that you couldn’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, not when you’d have to face death on a regular basis

So, you steeled your heart, and every day you would pretend that nothing was going on. Whenever someone would ask if you were alright, you’d just shrug them off, not sure if your words would fail you. You made sure that you did good enough in school to not cause suspicion, and you mostly stayed away from everyone else. Not because you didn’t care for them, but because you didn’t want them to catch on to your ruse

However, when the night came, and everyone was fast asleep in their rooms, you found yourself sitting in the dark, sobbing as you replayed your final memories with your departed relatives. You kept thinking back to the last time you hung out with them, thinking about what you said, what you didn’t say, and how you desperately wished that you could tell them you loved them once more. You wondered if they knew how much you loved them, if they knew how much you missed them

One day, on a particularly bad one, you found yourself sitting quietly in class, minding your own business when you stared out the window of class 1-A. Watching as some kids were still heading into the building, you couldn’t help but replay the memory of when you told your family that you had made it into U.A., the proud look on their faces when you screamed that you’d be in the best class of one of the most prestigious hero courses. When you reminded yourself of the happy looks on your relatives faces, you couldn’t stop the tears from falling from your eyes, racing down your cheeks.

As you furiously swiped your eyes, you took in a deep breath, doing your best to calm yourself. However, you found yourself unable to pay attention for the rest of class. You just prayed that nothing too important was being taught

Just as you were about to leave, getting ready to hole yourself back up in your dorm, you felt a hang tug on your wrist. Turning around, you found yourself face to face with Katsuki, who seemed to be pissed off. When you asked him what was wrong, he abruptly asked why you looked so pathetic

A little taken aback, you found yourself forcing out a laugh, telling him that you weren’t quite sure what he meant. When he didn’t respond, you looked towards your feet, apologizing for being annoying

That also seemed to be the wrong answer, as he forced you to look back at him, his eyes piercing into yours, almost as if he could see your soul

“What the hell are you on about?” He asked, his normally gruff voice turning slightly softer, as if not to scare you away, “I never said you’re annoying, I just wanna know why you’re so upset,”

Seeing the concerned look on his face caused you to burst into tears. You could tell that you freaked him out, as he tugged you into a hug, burying your face into his chest. He lightly scolded you, saying that you were making it look like he yelled at you. When you finally spilled what was going on, how you lost some family members this month, and how you didn’t want to seem weak because of your grief, Katsuki wasn’t sure of what to say

Instead of trying to say anything, he simply grunted in acknowledgement, letting you know that he was there for you. He told you that mourning the loss of a loved one didn’t make you weak, it made you human. The only thing that would make you weak in his eyes would be if you didn’t give your all in anything that you do

While he may not be the best at comforting a grieving person, if it’s you, he supposes that he doesn’t mind sitting it out with you

Todoroki Shouto

Though Shouto may not be the best when it comes to understanding social cues, it’s glaringly obvious that something has happened to you. While it may have taken him a few days to realize what was off about you, he could tell that something was up

The warm smile he’d receive in the morning, right before class, had disappeared, and instead of replaced by a thinly veiled look of sadness, though you did your best to hide it. The 3 AM chats that the two of you would have about life seemingly vanished into thin air. In fact, you seemed to be the one disappearing, almost as if you were pulling away from his life

When Shouto had first asked you if anything was wrong, you merely shook your head, giving a forced smile while telling him that you were just feeling a bit tired, but he knew that was a lie. He didn’t want to press the topic, though, as he just assumed that you’d work out whatever was going on in your life, and then things would go back to normal. At least, that’s what he told himself to feel better about the situation

In truth, a small, perhaps insecure, part of him was worried that you were distancing yourself because you were going to break up with him. However, when he noticed that you were actually avoiding all of your friends as well, he couldn’t help but feel a shameful breath of relief leave his body. Though he badly wants to ask you if you’re truly okay, he doesn’t want to invade your personal life, and he doesn’t want to force you to talk about your feelings, since he knows that can be a difficult subject

You, on the other hand, were having a hard time keeping a cool exterior. In the past month, not only have you had to say goodbye to one family member, but three. You didn’t tell anyone what had happened, nor did you truly plan on it, either. The idea of being a bother, or a burden, to anyone if you told them about your grief prevented you from speaking, so you decided to keep quiet and instead put all of your focus into your work, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you could work away your feelings

So, in the daytime you’d pretend that nothing happened, shrugging off any concerns that your friends and boyfriend would have for you, and insist that nothing had happened, while in the night you’d let out quiet sobs into your pillow, wishing nothing more than to be in the arms of your dearly departed

Eventually, your facade had cracked, just a bit, but it was enough for your boyfriend to notice

While in class one morning, waiting for the lecture to start, you were vaguely listening to the chatter of the 1-A students. Your attention faded in and out occasionally, not really paying attention, but it wasn’t as though you were called out about it. However, when one of your classmates had talked about a call they received from a relative, and how much they missed them and loved them, you found yourself having an even more difficult time controlling your emotions. As tears had begun to fill your eyes, you hastily wiped them away, though it didn’t really do much, as for the rest of the lecture, you fought the urge to just start sobbing. You just prayed that no one saw what was going on, and that you could continue your day as normal

Unluckily for you, Shouto saw the entire thing

So, after school, while you were packing away your stationary, you noticed a certain red and white boy standing in front of your desk. Bracing yourself, you forced a smile, looking at him curiously. When you asked him what he wanted, he stated that he wanted to walk back with you. Just as you were about to deny the offer, like you had been for weeks, he grabbed your hand, squeezing it gently, almost as if he were begging you to say yes

That’s how you found yourself walking side by side with Shouto, who seemed to be observing your every move. From the small glances that you allowed yourself, it looked as though he was deep in thought, trying to find the right words to say. Before you could question his actions, he spoke:

“I saw you trying to hold back tears this morning,” When he saw your posture stiffen up, he squeezed your hand once more, “And I’ve noticed that you’ve been distant these past few weeks. I don’t want to force you to say anything, but I do want you to know that I’m here for you”

For a few seconds, the two of you stand in complete silence. You can’t think of anything to say to put back up the wall you’ve had, though, if you did have something to say, you weren’t quite sure if you could even speak at the moment. As you finally allowed yourself to look at him, you couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down your cheeks as you saw the look of such concern and care for you

Putting your face in your hands, you felt a sob rip itself out of your throat, along with Shouto’s strong arms being wrapped around your form, as if shielding you from any other negative things in the world. You could hear him whispering small words of comfort, telling you how much he loves you, and how he’s here for you

While Shouto isn’t necessarily comfortable, nor well equipped, to deal with a person in emotional distress, he does try his best, and that’s good enough for you

Once your sobs turned into tiny hiccups, he pulled the two of you to a secluded area on campus, sitting the both of you down. While it took a while, you eventually told him what had happened, and how quickly life seemed to take away your relatives. He never interrupts your story, only listening quietly as you get your emotions off of your chest

After you’ve finished, Shouto envelops you into a hug once more, telling you how sorry he is for your loss. He tells you that you should never feel like a burden to him, that you’re entitled to your emotions, and processing grief doesn’t make you any less important to him. Though there’s probably a million words of comfort running through his head, he can’t seem to find one that feels right

So, he instead suggests that the two of you head back to the dorms, and for the rest of the night, the two of you are cooped up in your room, neither of you really saying anything. He holds you tightly against his chest, letting you cry out as much as you need to, never complaining about how there’s a permanent wet spot on his shirt. 

He simply allows you to feel grief, to feel sad and upset and angry at the world, and, while it doesn’t feel great right now, you do feel much better, now that you have someone to hold you in these quiet nights

[trashforhockeyguys]

Don’t Hold Me -7- Carter Hart

A/N: YEEEEDOGGIE we’re back again! Don’t mind the slight technical difficulties. It’s been a LONG DAY. BUT we’re here and it’s back. A lot of things happen in this chapter. It’s a little wild but it’s setting things up for the chapters to come! As always, all preivous parts are linked in my masterlist!

“C’mon!” Your roommate laughed, tugging your arm, “It’s a small party! It’ll be okay!”

“The last time I went to a party, it didn’t end well.”

She sighed and looped her arm through yours. You knew she just didn’t want you to sit in your room all night. Travis and the boys just got back this afternoon, but you were trying to give them space. They had a rough road trip, and you knew they’d all be worn out. 

However, that didn’t mean that you didn’t want to go racing over to see Trav. You’d grown used to having him nearby whenever you needed him. It was nice, you liked knowing you had someone to help you out. 

You missed being near your brother, so Travis naturally filled that void. Plus, Nolan was always around too, and he blanenced out Travis, more than he probably knew. Both of them together made you feel more like yourself that you had in years. 

“Fine, but I’m not drinking, and if it gets too crazy I’m coming back,” You warned her. 

“How about we both be sober tonight?”

You laughed, knowing full well she wouldn’t stay sober all night. But you liked that she was at least trying for your sake. You knew you really shouldn’t have agreed to go with her, but you wanted to have a little bit of fun. You’d been feeling good lately, you’d been getting good grades in all of your classes. You just wanted one night. One night to feel like a semi normal college student. 

“You aren’t wearing that.” 

“I’m not wearing your stripper skirt again, either,” You laughed. 

Two hours later, you were sitting on the couch of a frat house, minding your own business as everyone around you danced and drank. You were fine with it though. Because at least you weren’t alone. Even if all you wanted to do was call Travis and ask if you could go over for a movie, you stayed put.

But another hour after that, your stomach started to growl. You didn’t trust any of the food here, so you set out to find your roommate and tell her you were going to leave to find something to eat. 

She was dancing and laughing with a boy she’d been with a lot in the last few weeks, “Come dance!” She yelled when she saw you. 

“I’m actually going to go find food.”

“Ughhhhhh fine! Call me when you get home!”

You waved as you made your way out the door. Much to your entire family’s dismay, you liked walking around Philly. You liked the quiet, even if the streets were anything but quiet. It allowed you to think, and feel like you could breathe for a little while. 

You used to walk everywhere back home, and you missed it. So you tried your hardest to keep being able to do that. It also didn’t hurt that campus wasn’t far from a lot of your favorite places. 

You walked to your favorite little cafe, needing one of their sandwiches. The place was quiet because of how late it was. You couldn’t help but wonder if Carter had found this place yet. He’d like it, he’d like how quiet it was and how hidden it seemed to be. 

You pulled out your phone, almost tempted to text him. But surely he’d be sleeping after all he’d just done. There had been a few tough losses, Carter was in net for both of them. You were sure the last thing he wanted to do was go out on the town, even if it was to just meet you for some dinner. 

You wanted to smack yourself. You weren’t meant to be friends with Carter. You weren’t meant to feel things for him. He was Carter...you weren’t supposed to go down this path.

So instead, you settled into your usual booth in the corner and waited on your food. You happily sipped on hot chocolate. All you really wanted to do now was eat and go curl up in your warm bed. You’d prefer to be in Travis’s because it was more comfortable, but that would mean that he’d go crash on the couch and you wouldn’t ask that of him again. 

You didn’t even notice someone else walk into the empty cafe until they spoke up at the counter. You knew that gravelly voice, laced with something you could never quite pinpoint. The mop of messy hair, the way he stood. 

It felt like a hole had been punched in your chest. Fear crept in before you even had a chance to think about anything else. The walls were closing in on you. He was here. You had to get out. You had to get somewhere safe. 

You waited until he had his back turned to you and the exit. You dropped cash on the table and all but ran. Your heart thudded as you got out, hoping he wouldn’t come after you. He was here. He wasn’t meant to be here, but there was nothing to stop him now. 

 You ran hard and fast. You didn’t even know where you were going, you just had to get away from there. You were cold and shaking, fighting back tears. You were running away from campus, the last thing you wanted to do was be alone in your dorm room. 

Before you knew what you were doing you were pounding on the door of an apartment. The second the door flung open your knees buckled. The tears came, there was no stopping it. The person on the other side of the door caught you. 

His body was warm and strong against yours. Everything in you shook as you clutched onto him. You shouldn’t be here, you knew that. But he was the first person you thought of, somehow you knew he’d keep you safe. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” You could hear the panic as he slowly got you inside the apartment and got the door closed, “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“He’s here,” you knew he wouldn’t understand. But that was all you could think to say. 

That was all you could say. 

“It’s okay,” He whispered, “I’ve got you. I’m just going to call Teeks.”

“No!” You yelled, “Don’t...just don’t go.”

You clutched onto his shirt harder. You couldn’t be alone, even if he just stepped away for a phone call. You didn’t want to be left. He was here...and you needed someone to stay next to you. Your whole body shook more. The realization started to set in, he’d really found you. 

After all this time, the second he had a chance, he came and found you. The city that you loved didn’t feel safe anymore, not with him in it. You didn’t feel like you could walk around, or go to your favorite places. What if he was there too?

Eventually you fell asleep, still in Carter’s arms, clutching onto him for dear life. 

Carter didn’t exactly know what to do. He hadn’t expected you to show up on his doorstep, crying so hard that you could barely breathe. In fact, it was the last thing he’d expected from you. He almost panicked, because he didn’t know what to do. But the way that you held onto him, somehow, he knew that you trusted him enough to be here. 

He thought about the nightmares you’d had the last time you were in his place, and if this had anything to do with them. He didn’t know who spooked you so much, but he knew that TK needed to know.

He shifted enough that he could reach for his phone, without disturbing you. You’d all but passed out, eventually just too exhausted to even keep your eyes open. But you were still whimpering, a few stray tears still slid down your cheeks. Carter just wanted to make it all go away, he wanted to see your smile again. 

“Hartsy, what’s up man? I saw you a few hours ago!” TK’s voice rang out from the other end of the line. 

“Y/N’s here. It’s bad man I don’t know what’s going on,” Carter told him, carefully and quietly. 

“She’s what?”

“Dude she showed up on my doorstep, absolutely freaked out. Kept saying ‘he’s here’ I don’t know what’s going on, but you should get over here.”

An impressive string of curses left Travi’s mouth, “Where is she now?”

Cater sighed, looking down at you with an unknown sense of fondness, “Literally passed out in my arms.”

“Okay...I’ll be over in a minute. And then I’m going to make a lot of phone calls and figure out exactly what’s going on.”

You stirred when Carter called for Travis to come on in. You tried not to move much, knowing you were more or less on top of Carter. You felt horrible, you weren’t meant to do this. You weren’t meant to be here, with Carter, like this. 

“Is she okay?” was the first thing Travis could ask. 

“She’s been like this since before I called you.”

“What happened?” another voice joined in, Nolan. Nolan was here too. 

You wanted to just disappear. You didn’t want any of this to happen, you didn’t mean for it to. You just wanted to go somewhere that you felt safe. Carter was the closest. But you didn’t mean for this to happen like this.

“I don’t know. She was banging on my door, and she was crying. She just kept saying ‘he’s here’ she collapsed in my arms and then passed out a while ago,” Carter explained, “I’m worried about her.”

“Damnit,” Travis cursed, “Patty, stay here with them. I need to go call Ethan.”

You could hear him in the other room, trying to figure things out with your brother. You knew Travis had figured out who you meant the second Carter said it the first time. Nolan figured it out when he said it again, you were sure of that. The only person who didn’t know was Carter. You didn’t want him to know, but you dragged him into it all when you showed up at his door.

“Damnit!” This time Travis yelled, before making his way back into the living room, “I don’t know how the hell he’s here. He can’t be within-”

“Because the order isn’t valid anymore,” you finally sat up, “I got a call from the lawyer last week.”

“And you didn’t fucking tell anyone?” 

“I didn’t feel like mentioning that I didn’t have a protective restraining order taken out against him anymore,” tears fell again, but this time you tried to be firm.

“What’re you talking about, Y/N?”

You swallowed hard, “It’s nothing.”

“I swear to god, you don’t get to hide shit like that from those of us who helped pick up the pieces, and then show up at his doorstep and brush him off,” Travis warned. 

He sounded so much like Ethan, you’d almost forgotten about the days the two of them would get mad at you for doing something stupid. They’d lecture you for what seemed like hours, and they always won. 

“Either you tell him, or I will.”

“I-”

“I swear to God, I’ll get Ethan on the first plane out here, and we’ll go deal with this guy. But you need to fucking tell Carter. He deserves to know now.”

This fear was different. Holding Carter at a distance meant that he’d never need to know that something like this happened to you. He’d never have to find out. But somehow, he’d worked his way into your life, so much so that you showed up on his doorstep when you really needed someone. 

And now you had to tell him what happened. Because Travis was right, Carter deserved to know. You showed up at his door like this, so he deserved to know why. Even if you weren’t sure how you could explain all of it. 

“It’s okay, cut her a break, Teeks, she’d had a rough night.” Carter’s voice was soft.

You shook your head. You didn’t want to have this conversation. You didn’t want to have to relive it all again, much less the night that he’d shown up in Philly. But you also knew that you were somehow starting to consider Carter to be a friend, and if he was really going to be your friend, he needed to understand a few things. He needed to know what happened to you before you came.

“You guys can go, I’m okay,” You told Travis and Nolan, not wanting to have this conversation with them here. 

“No, you’re going to come stay with me tonight. I don’t want you going back to your dorm alone,” Travis replied. 

“Travis, no offense, but if he wants to find me, he’ll start by looking for you. He knows I go to UPenn, but he won’t bother if I’m with someone he doesn’t know. Besides, roomie knows about what happened, and if she sees him she’ll be the first one to call the cops,” You explained, “I’m fine.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“She can stay with me,” Carter spoke up, “I have a spare room, she can stay here for the night.”

“I don’t think that’s-” 

“Y/N, it’s okay. I don’t mind.”

“Fine.”

“I’ve got her TK, don’t worry,” Carter assured him.

Travis looked at me, I could see how worried he was. The last time something like this happened I locked myself in my room for days and refused to leave. He was waiting for a breakdown that wasn’t going to come. I’d gotten it all out of my system. I would be different this time. 

“Call me if you need me,” He begged, “Please. And let Ethan know you’re okay.”

“I’m fine. I’m sorry you got dragged into this Nolan.”

He smiled softly and hugged you. For a second, you couldn’t help but tense up before relaxing in his arms. Nolan didn’t often hug you, he knew you didn’t like physical contact. Travis ignored all of that, since he’d known you for years, and remembered the little girl that always latched onto him for a big bear hug. 

“Be careful, okay?”

When they finally left, Carter went to go get both of you a drink, claiming you needed to rehydrate after crying so much. For some reason, it made you laugh, which you hadn’t expected. 

“So, not to be weird or anything, but you’re always in like sweatshirts and stuff...so why the bodycon?”

You’d forgotten about the dress your roommate put you in, “Shit. Um, I was at a party. Apparently you can’t wear a sweatshirt to a frat party.”

“You went to a frat party?”

“Uh, I kind of sat in the corner with a water bottle all night,” You admitted, “It’s not really my thing, but my roommate wanted me to go.”

He almost seemed to laugh, “I’m going to go grab a pair of sweats and a shirt for you,” He said, “And then you can go to bed.”

“Carter-”

“I meant it, I don’t need to know. I’m not going to force you to tell me. As long as you’re safe, I don’t care.”

Something seemed to swell in your chest. You couldn’t explain it, but the way he was looking at you and the way his voice sounded. You were feeling much more than you were meant to for him, but you also couldn’t bring yourself to care. 

“Carter, I-”

“It’s okay. I promise. You need to get some sleep, we can talk in the morning if you want.”

“But I-”

He shrugged and walked away to get clothes for you. When he came back he showed you to the guest bedroom, and waited on the bed for you to change in the bathroom. Oddly enough, he tucked you in and gave you a spare charger for your phone. He promised that if you were to need him, that you just had to come wake him up. He swore he didn’t mind. 

Just as he was getting ready to leave your bedroom for the night, he turned to look back at you. Something was swirling in his eyes, something you couldn’t explain or understand, “Did you love him?”

It was the last question you’d expected him to ask. Yet, at the same time, it seemed like the only question to ask. 

You had to blink a few times to rid yourself of the burn that was building in your eyes. How could you fully answer that question? You bit your lip and thought hard. All these years you tried not to think about your last relationship and everything you’d felt during those years. 

“Yeah,” You finally forced out, “I did, because I thought he loved me too. But that was before I realized that wasn’t what love was. He never loved me. But I was stupid enough to love him.”

[engie-ivy]

I wrote this fic for the Wolfstar Comfort Mini-Fest, organized by @swottypotter, because I thought it was such a lovely idea😊

(also on AO3 as part of a series of one-shot crush confessions)

19/09: an anniversary

Summary:

Getting older can be a fearful experience, but when you're a werewolf, it's just a tad worse. There's only so many excruciating transformations one's body can undergo before it can take no more. For Remus, the idea of celebrating the day of being another year closer to that inevitable moment is inconceivable. However, his friends teach him that instead of simply having lived another year, his life contains many other anniversaries he could be celebrating: having been part of a close group of friends for another year, having had company during the full moon for another year, and... having a certain friend be in love with him for another year?

Moments in time

Remus Lupin does not celebrate his birthday. Doesn’t like it. Really doesn’t like it. Hates it, in fact. It’s not a case of modesty, like ‘he just doesn’t want to be the center of attention’, or even a case of bad experiences, like ‘if we can just show him how fun it can be’. No, he has made it clear to the other three Marauders that it’s no use even trying. If they throw him a birthday party, he won’t attend. If they buy him birthday gifts, he won’t accept.

It’s not that he hates birthdays as a principle. No, he’d loved it when they snuck into the kitchens and stuffed themselves with sweets for Peter’s birthday, he’d loved it when they stayed up all night and drank Butterbeer and even a bottle of Firewhiskey that they managed to smuggle in for James’s birthday, and he loved it when they had a sleep-over in the Shrieking Shack for Sirius’s birthday. It’s really his own birthday that he doesn’t like.

You see, Remus Lupin is a werewolf, and while he’s now more comfortable with that fact than he’s ever been, with being able to attend school, having people in his life that love and accept him even with knowing the truth, and having friends who became Animagii so he doesn’t have to be alone during the full moon anymore, there are just some things that come with his condition that cannot be changed. The illness on the days preceding and following the full moon, the excruciating pain that the transformations bring, and, probably worst of all, the fact that werewolves age prematurely.

Werewolves do not have a high life expectancy. There’s only so much strain one’s body can endure before it can’t take no more. Remus often reads in textbooks that werewolves don’t get old, but that’s wrong phrasing: werewolves do get old, they just get old really fast. While his friends will still be vital and brimming with energy, Remus’s bones will become fragile and his muscles stiff with constant aching due to the tearing apart and snapping back together necessary for the monthly transformations, his recovery after each full moon will become slower until he’ll never fully recover anymore, he’ll start having trouble walking and eventually moving altogether, his hair will become grey and his skin will become worn and littered with scars, making him look old beyond his years.

It’s bad enough that each year there’s a day to remind him that he’s another year closer to that inescapable faith, so why in Merlin’s name would he want to actually celebrate that day?

Remus never fully explained, so he’s not sure to what extent the other Marauders really understand what getting older means to him, but they can tell that it holds a lot of pain for Remus, and that it’s not something they can fix for him, so they respect his wishes. On the day itself they try their hardest not to give a single indication they’re aware it’s Remus’s birthday. The only way Remus can tell that they do know, is by how they go out of their way to make sure no one else dares to mention his birthday in his vicinity. This may seem weird or even mean to outsiders, but to Remus, it’s the best possible thing they could do.

That’s part of the reason why Remus is utterly confused when he enters their dorm on September 4th and finds Sirius, James and Peter sitting on pillows on the floor surrounded by drinks and candy, and a pile of gifts in their midst.

“Surprise!” They yell in unison the moment Remus opens the door.

Another reason for Remus’s confusion is that it’s nowhere near his birthday.

“What’s this?” He asks carefully.

Sirius presses a card in his hand. The front of the card shows a doodle of four boys sitting at the Gryffindor table. A small boy with peaky hair, a boy whose hair is pointing in all directions, a dark-haired boy with a goofy grin, and a curly-haired boy with large eyes, all wearing red-and-gold colours.

The doodle is clearly drawn by Sirius. Sirius is actually a very talented artist and his drawings are great, though he only ever shows his doodles to his friends. Remus loves the cute and funny doodles, but he wishes Sirius would also show them his more serious drawings sometimes. Remus has only ever caught a glimpse of his work on moments Sirius didn’t notice Remus’s presence in time while drawing, but what he saw was amazing.

Remus opens the card and reads the message on inside.

Hi Moony!

Happy 6-year anniversary of the day we officially became friends with you!

We love you!

Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs

Remus looks up from the card to see Sirius staring at him with the same goofy grin as the doodled boy on the card, but there’s also an unfamiliar expression in his eyes, and he’s toying with a strand of his hair.

Remus realises that he’s nervous. Afraid that Remus will see it as a trick to give him a kind-of-birthday party anyway, and become upset. And of course it is an attempt to make up for lost birthday celebrations, Remus knows that, but it’s a good attempt. It’s not just celebrating a certain amount of years from his life have gone by, it’s celebrating the years they’ve been friends. Making actual friends who love him and who he loves, and keeping them for all that time, that’s something Remus did with his life, something he accomplished, something no one can ever take away from him. It somehow makes the eventual length of his life matter less. It’s celebrating the quality, not the quantity.

A smile spreads across Remus’s face, and he can immediately see the relief on his friends’ faces. “I love it,” he says.

And honestly, how could he not love something that results in Sirius throwing his arms around his neck and pressing a kiss to his cheek?

Remus tries to ignore the fluttering of his heart. They’re celebrating five years of friendship, for Godric’s sake. Being friends with someone as loving, bright and cheerful as Sirius is already more than he could have ever asked for. Wanting more, even dreaming of more, would be pushing his luck. See? His brain knows all this, but apparently his heart hasn’t gotten the message.

James gets him out of his frenzy by taking a gift from the pile. “Alright! Lets see who the first gift is for!”

“You got gifts for everyone?” Remus asks curiously.

“Why, of course, Moony!” James exclaims. “Managing to keep one of the greatest persons ever as our friend is really a gift-worthy accomplishment for us! Really something we should be celebrating and congratulating each other on.”

Sirius nudges Remus playfully. “You can see your presents as a reward for having put up with us for so long.”

Remus chuckles. He definitely doesn’t need a reward for one of the greatest things that has ever happened to him, but he’s not gonna say no to the tea, mug and book that lie before him with his name written on them either.

The next surprise comes halfway through October, during their second trip to Hogsmeade of that year. Remus is sitting at the Three Broomsticks with Peter, waiting for James and Sirius to come back with their Butterbeers.

However, suddenly Sirius places a large mug filled with decadent chocolate milk in front of Remus, complete with whipped cream and a chocolate biscuit on top and sprinkled with chocolate chips. At the same time James presses another card in his hands. Remus immediately laughs at the doodle of him in front of Honeydukes, holding a large stack of chocolate in his arms. Wondering what his friends came up with this time, he opens the card.

Moons,

Happy 4-year anniversary of your very first trip to Hogsmeade with us! (Ah, the day Moony discovered Honeydukes...)

Many trips (legal and less-legal) have followed and will follow since!

Lots of love,

Wormy, Pads, and Prongsie

Remus actually wasn’t able to join them on the first weekend they had been allowed to go, as it had been a full moon the night before. Only the next weekend a Hogsmeade trip was planned, they were able to go with the four of them, today apparently four years ago.

The following hour Remus spends reminiscing all his trips to Hogsmeade with his friends. The one when James and Sirius had hidden in the Shrieking Shack and fired hexes at passers-by to convince everyone the Shack is cursed, the one when James tried to secretly follow Lily around to find out what to buy for her birthday and she ended up throwing Butterbeer in his face, the one when Remus was acting cranky because his favourite chocolate was sold out, only to find out Sirius had secretly bought the last bars for him as a surprise, or the one when James actually managed to get a date with Lily, and Peter had asked Mary McDonald, so Remus and Sirius went together (and Remus had to actively tell himself that it was not a date for the entire day, though he doesn’t discuss that last bit with his friends).

Before they leave, the other three Marauders want Remus to pick out all the chocolate he loves most from Honeydukes as his anniversary gift, but Remus refuses, not wanting to be selfish by letting his friends buy him his treats. Back in their dorm, however, it isn’t long before a bag filled with Honeydukes’ finest just mysteriously appears on Remus’s bed.

It isn’t until January, right at the start of the new year, Remus is surprised one again. He steps into the kitchens, where the others had told him to come to prepare for a prank, and finds his friends sitting at a table around a huge chocolate cake.

“Moony!” Peter calls out, while James and Sirius shoot confetti from their wands.

“What’s this?” Remus asks, grinning while he’s shaking the confetti out of his hair. This time he’s more excited than nervous.

Peter hands him the card. Remus chuckles as he sees the little deer with a rat hanging from his antlers, closely followed by a wolf and a dog walking side-by-side, doodled on the front. He opens the card, fully prepared for another odd anniversary his friends managed to come up with, but not prepared in the least for the wave of emotion that washes over him.

Dear Moony,

Happy 2-year anniversary of the day from which you’ll never again have to spend another full moon on your own!

Love, your animalistic friends,

Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs

Remus reads the card a couple more times, until his eyes start tearing up and his vision becomes blurry.

The short message is not only a reminder of what his friends have done for him, how they’ve gone and made an aspect of Remus’s life immeasurably better, an aspect Remus had always believed to never get any better.

And then the words ‘never again’, meaning that his friends will continue to help him once they’ve left school, meaning that it doesn’t end when school does, meaning that his friends will always be there for him.

Remus doesn’t even realise he’s crying until two arms wrap around him and Sirius pulls him into a tight hug. His head resting on Sirius’s chest and Sirius soothing him: exactly how he’s been waking up after the full moon for the last two years, and how he’ll be waking up after the full moon for the years to come.

At the end of March, it’s promising to become the first soft spring day after the winter, though the nights still have a chill in the air.

The Marauders are sitting on a blanket in the grass, wrapped in sweaters watching the sun slowly rise over the lake. They’d snuck out in the middle of the night through one of their secret passageways, and spent the rest of the night drinking, talking, star gazing, and now watching the sunrise.

“Cheers!” They cluck their mugs filled with hot mead together in the golden light of the rising sun. “To beautiful spring days and good times!”

“And to Moony,” Sirius adds. “On this special day.”

Remus laughs. “I should have known!” Though he feels this night has already been special enough.

Though he immediately starts reading the card, with a pretty doodle of the castle on the front.

To Messr. Moony,

Happy 2-year anniversary of the day you discovered the last secret passageway and finished the Marauders’ Map!

We solemnly swear to always remain up to no good!

There’s always more mischief to manage,

Yours sincerely,

The Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs

Remus fondly shakes his head. The season is changing, life at Hogwarts is slowly coming to an end, but the Marauders’ days of mischief making are not ending just yet.

On the 17th of May, Remus is sitting at a table in the common room, surrounded by books, parchment, quills and ink. He’s waiting on Lily. He has a Potions essay due, and horrible in potions as Remus is, he really needs a good grade. Luckily, Lily has agreed to help him, as she’s the absolute best in Potions. Lily is not great because professor Slughorn adores her, professor Slughorn adores her because she’s great.

Remus sees Lily step through the portrait hall carrying a large pile of books, and immediately jumps to his feet to help her carry the load.

However, when they return to Remus’s spot, a beautifully wrapped gift is placed on top of his parchment.

“They came up with another date?” Remus mumbles, slightly embarrassed, but Lily just looks excited. Word has gotten around that the Marauders have been throwing Remus all kinds of parties for all kinds of reasons and everyone just loves it.

“Open it, open it!” Lily claps her hands and Remus tears the wrapping paper off.

Lily sucks in her breath. “Oh!”

Remus himself is unable to form any words as he’s holding up a frame. All he can do is stare wide-eyed at the framed drawing in his hands.

It’s definitely Sirius’s work. Not a doodle this time, but a completely finished, serious artwork. Remus recognizes himself in the drawing, curled up in an armchair, one hand holding a book, and the other holding a mug with steam circling upwards. The scene is seemingly illuminated by soft sunlight falling through a window on Remus’s left, giving his eyes and hair a slightly golden glow. The drawing is somehow comforting, in his ability to capture such a calm, serene moment. Though Remus thinks the boy in the drawing must look much more beautiful than he ever has, he has no problem recognizing himself, as the composure, radiance and expression are so typically his, that it makes him feel strangely vulnerable that someone has looked at him and seen him, really seen him.

“It’s beautiful,” Lily whispers.

The only thing written on the drawing is a date scribbled in the bottom right corner: 17/05/1977. Exactly one year earlier. Remus’s heart is thumping as he picks up and reads the small note that came with the gift.

Dearest Moony,

Happy 1-year anniversary of the day I fell in love with you.

Yours, now and always,

Padfoot

Remus can hardly breath. The more he reads the words, the more his brain stops functioning. He looks at Lily, who has been reading over his shoulder, with a pleading look.

“Lily, what do I do?” He asks desperately.

“Well,” Lily says uncertain. “I’m sure if you tell him you care for him, but see him as just a friend, he’ll-”

“Why in Merlin’s name would I want to say that?” Remus stares at her like she has grown two heads. “Why would I want to turn him down?”

“You looked so panicked!” Lily defends herself. “Why in Merlin’s name are you even asking my advice if you feel the same way? Just go find that boy and bloody snog the living daylights out of him! Merlin, Remus, it’s not Advanced Potions!”

Finding Sirius and snogging him sounds scary, risky, dangerous, and absolutely wonderful, so Remus decides to embrace his Gryffindor courage and go for it.

He barely nods at Lily before dashing away. He bumps into Peter while rushing through the common room.

“Oi, Moony! I just wanted to ask you, are you-”

“Sorry, Wormtail, gotta run! I have to go and snog Padfoot!”

He hears Peter’s voice echo through the room as he climbs through the portrait hole. “Yeeeeesssss!”

In the corridor, he passes James.

“Moony…”

“Sorry, Prongs, no time!”

“He’s up in the Owlery!” James calls after him. “I thought you might like to know you’re going the wrong way.”

Remus immediately turns around and runs in the other direction. He hears James mumble when he passes him again.

“About bloody time.”

Remus’s courage wavers a bit as he steps into the Owlery. Sirius is standing with his hands resting on the ledge, and he’s looking out over the Hogwarts grounds. His pale skin, his grey eyes reflecting the sky, his long hair with strands blowing in his face. Surely there has to be some sort of misunderstanding. Surely a boy this beautiful can’t possibly have feelings for someone like Remus.

But then Sirius turns around to look at him, and Remus can clearly see the love and affection, mingled with fear and uncertainty, in his eyes.

“The twenty-third of September,” Remus blurts out.

Sirius looks at him questioningly.

“That’s my date,” Remus clarifies.

There’s hope in those eyes now. “As in the date of your one-year anniversary of having feelings… for me?” Sirius asks tentatively.

Remus shakes his head, and Sirius drops his gaze, looking embarrassed. “Two years,” Remus quickly clarifies.

Sirius looks up at him again, his eyes now the way Remus likes them best: sparkling.

“Really, Moony?” There’s unconcealed happiness and relief in his voice. “Two whole years and you never said anything?”

Remus huffs. “It’s not an easy thing to say! You know that, took you a year as well.”

“That’s still twice as fast,” Sirius teases.

Remus sighs in defeat. “You’re right. And there’s no way I can give you something so special and amazing as you’ve given me today.”

“You can forget about your date anyway,” Sirius says.

Remus raises his eyebrows. “How so?”

Sirius reaches out his hand towards Remus. “I was rather hoping we could share this date? As the date we officially became a couple?”

Remus hearts stops for a moment, but then he knows just what to do.

He takes the hand Sirius is offering, and in a moment of bravery pulls him close, so that they’re standing chest to chest.

Remus tugs a strand of hair falling over Sirius’s face behind his ear. “I would love to.”

[honeypirate]

My Idiot

Y/n, Kirishima, and Bakugou friends fic

Pairing - Bakugou x yn

.cw. Swearing

— in the dorms I can’t remember but is there like two different elevators for the boys and girls side? I just made it one Bc I I couldn’t remember. ??—

————————

‘Did he really pull me into his room to pull me into his bed to show me his glow in the dark dinosaur toys?’ You think to yourself as you hold one in your hand under the covers. He pulled you all the way up to his room, going on about how he had to show you something special, when you get his room he takes you inside and has you sit next to him on the bed before pulling his extra large blanket over both of your heads before showing you his cool surprise. A small plastic triceratops that glows in the dark. He says you can keep since he knows they’re your favorite. “Kirishima” you say quietly and then pull the covers from off your heads. “This is really cool and I’m definitely going to make this into a keychain but..” you look at the little toy in your hands “is this all you wanted to show me?” He hesitates for a second “yes, did you think this was about something else?” He asks genuinely confused. “No no. I just was making sure that this was uhh.. it” you calmly get up and grab your backpack and go to his door “I just have a lot to get done. Thank you for this. I love it” you quickly leave his room and run to yours before closing and locking the door, sliding down it sitting on the ground once your inside. “Shit” you say out loud before laying your head on your knees and trying not to cry. It was stupid. You knew he didn’t like you like that and it was dumb to get your hopes up that would be something different than his usual antics. You’re just friends and that’s all you’ll be. He didn’t want to get you alone to make a move, he just wanted to give you a glow in the dark dino toy. You wipe the few stray tears away and get up, grabbing superglue and your craft supplies to quickly throw together a keychain so you could carry that with you everywhere, as disappointed as you were you still thought it was a really cool dinosaur. After finishing your homework you watch an episode of your favorite show before heading to bed. You check your phone and turn off your usual Saturday alarm opting to sleep in as long as you want just this once. Before you put your phone down you get a text from Bakugou, you were pretty close to him since becoming best friends with Kirishima and you actually enjoyed his outbursts. You thought he was amusing and saw right through him. His message said “what’d stupid hair do this time? He won’t stop texting me about you.” “Promise you won’t talk to him about it?” “Nope” he shoots back. “Okay well fuck it, it’s stupid. He said he had something “super special” for me and then it turned out to be glow in the dark dinosaurs” he laugh reacts your message “I knew he was an idiot but I didn’t know he was that big of an idiot.” You sigh and think before responding, you already talked to Bakugou once before about your feelings for Kirishima and he promised you then he wouldn’t tell him and he has t to this day so you have no reason to fear “Don’t worry Suki. It’s no big deal. We’re only friends, right? I’m headed to bed. See you later” he only texts back “I never said I was worried...” before following it up with a sleeping dog gif. You put your phone on the side table and plug it in before quickly falling asleep.

Three months later you wake up with only barely enough time to get ready. You curse under your breath, you were going to lunch with Bakugou and Kirishima and you wanted to look your absolute best. you put on your favorite pair of jeans, the ones that made your ass look amazing, and a v neck black flattering tee shirt that showed the right amount of cleavage. You put on your favorite gold necklace with your initials on the end and slipped on a pair of checkered vans, grabbing a Levi jacket before leaving the dorm. You show up at the restaurant, it was your guys’ favorite place to eat because it was an all you can eat buffet, you always had a good time with them but the moment you saw Bakugou sitting at your usual table by himself as he waited for you and Kirishima you felt nervous for some reason. He was looking at his phone when you walked up “hey Bakugou, just you?” You said and took your jacket off placing it on the back of the chair next to Bakugou. You always sat in the same chairs, at a table with four you sat on one side and the boys sat on the other, but today Bakugou had moved, sitting in the chair next to yours this time. You didn’t mind, the tables were big so you had enough space between chairs, you sat sideways in your chair so you could look at him as you sat down and you noticed a little pink on his cheeks, he clears his throat “yeah it’s just me. In the group chat Kiri said he’d be late and we could start without him. You look great today y/n.” You couldn’t help but grin at him “Thank you! You don’t usually give compliments, I feel sorta special. And okay, I didn’t check my phone on the way here. I am starving” you get up to go make a plate and barely catch Bakugou whisper “you are special” you didn’t think anything of it now, too focused on the rumbling in your stomach.

After a plate and half you’re stuffed, thankful to your hard training for allowing you to eat whatever you wanted, you relax back into your seat and adjust it so you’re at an angle to see Bakugou better as you continue talking to him. He’s gone through four plates already and it always amused you how much he could eat. It was then that Kirishima showed up “hey guys sorry I’m so extremely late” you smile at him and you realize that you don’t feel anything for him anymore “no problem! Bakugou’s still eating and I’ll get some dessert soon” he set his jacket down on a chair and gets some food before sitting across from you. You really adored how well you three could hang out and chat for hours comfortable. Like you were all cut from the same cloth. You finished the rest of your lunch with many laughs and only one complaint about how loud Bakugou was which was a new record. You three walk back to the dorms together, you in the middle of both of them, “since it’s our day off I think we should go finish the training I know we all are going to do,” you laugh softly “and then get pizza and watch a movie in the lounge, we could even invite other friends and have a..!” You jump up and down once and throw both arms in the air with fist fulls of glitter raining down over you and yell “movie night!” this isn’t the first time you’ve done this and you know they hate it when you do it but it’s just so fun. You’ve learned to not do it close to them tho because as cute as an angry Kiri was you missed him when he would ignore you for a while for getting glitter in his hair. “Goddammit y/n.” “Not again” they say at the same time and you just laugh and say “at least it’s biodegradable” as they walk on ahead of you “come on! I love it! My happiness should at least make you a little happy and...” you run up and catch up to them hooking your arms in theirs “don’t I look so cute when I’m happy and glitter is raining down” you laugh and look up at Bakugou “that’s besides the point” he grumbles out quietly and you laugh in shock but before you can say anything Kirishima yells out “ugh you got it in my hair again! Damn! I hate glitter!” He shakes your arm off and runs off “it’ll wash out! movie night at seven! I’ll get the pizza!” You call after him laughing and keep walking with Bakugou, not noticing your arm still in his. “He’s ridiculous” you laugh “so what movie do you want to watch tonight? I’m thinking something scary” “something scary” he says at the same time as you and you smile “yea! Okay. So there’s this new one that looks really good on Netflix and we will watch that. I’ll order pizza when we get back and just schedule it so I can forget about it. What are you going to train today?” You ask him and he pulls you into him a little by your elbow as he shoves his hands into his pockets. You realized you were still holding on to him then, but you waited to see what he’s do, you were sure he would do something rude, shake you off and call you some name, but he didn’t. He just cleared his throat and answered the question “it’s leg day for me” you felt shy all of a sudden, Bakugou who was a man known to be aggressive and who never touched anyone outside of fighting and sparing, was out in the open walking back to the dorms with you on his arm. You quickly squashed the butterflies in your stomach and convinced yourself it was just something with the food you are giving you an upset stomach. There’s no way Bakugou was into you. Kiri told you that you weren’t his type, (maybe he’s just being uncommonly nice)you decided it was just a fluke and thought nothing of it. “It’s arms and shoulders for me!” you pull your arm from his, he almost looks like that made him sad, and you flex dramatically, earning a smirk and an eye roll from him. “Cmon Bakugou you know you love it. You think I’m funny and cool and that’s why you’re friends with me” you bounce into the elevetor pushing both your floors, you were coincidentally the room directly below his. “No comment” he says, his hands still deep in his pockets.

You get off on your floor and turn to him “you’re coming to movie night, right?” You say quietly, suddenly nervous he wouldn’t be there “of course ” he says in his usual gruff voice and you smile at him your same radiant smile that he secretly adored. The doors to the elevator close and you make your way to your room feeling extra excited to watch a movie tonight. You get ready for the gym and order pizza ahead of time, then text the rest of your dorm about move night before heading to the gym. Training goes by quickly, your arms turned to jello by the end, and when you got home you had enough time to shower and look nice, putting on comfy clothes before heading down stairs to make popcorn and set up the movie. You were the first one there at six thirty, and you played some music in the kitchen as you watched the bag in the microwave. “This is my playlist” you jumped a little, startled by Bakugou suddenly being right there and you laugh at yourself “yes it is! You sent it to the group chat a while ago and I love it. I listen to it all the time” he didn’t show it but you just gave him so many butterflies. Just then the pizza man comes through the door and you rush over to him, signing the receipt and taking the stack of pizzas. “Yesssss!!” Kirishima says as he runs in, taking the stack from you and placing them on the table. After him everyone else trickles in and you snatch a piece of pizza and a drink before sneaking over and taking one of the good couch seats before anyone else could. “Smart move” Bakugou said as he sat down next to you, you noticed he had a blanket with him and smiled when he sat down, not really next to you in the middle of the couch but not all the way over either. Like he was trying to discourage anyone from sitting next to you guys. You already queued up the movie and just needed to press play. “I’m gonna press play can someone get the lights?” You ask and Iida immediately gets up and shuts the light off, telling everyone to quiet down now. “Move over Bakugou so I can sit on the couch too” kirishima said coming up behind you guys and Bakugou gives the most dramatic sigh before scooting over so he was right next to you, Giving Kiri a seat on his opposite side. You press play on the movie and everyone quiets down engrossed in it. You start to get a little cold and wish you brought a blanket, you fold your arms hugging yourself for a little warmth, you didn’t want to miss anything. At the first jump scare in the movie you gasp, grabbing bakugous arm and hiding your face in his shoulder. You pulled away quickly with a whispered “sorry”. “It’s okay.” He says and then offers you half his blanket “your fingers are freezing” you accept with a smile and cuddle into the blanket pulling your knees up move sideways, tucking your toes under Bakugou’s thigh. He was grateful for the darkness so no one could see him blush. At the next scary part you hide your face in your knees with a gasp and a shudder, when you look back up, Bakugou wraps his arm around your knees and pulls you as close as you could be to him. You look at him but he just watches the movie. The next time you’re scared you bury your face in his arm now, your right hand reaching up and placing your hand over his, the one that’s around your knees, and squeezing softly. He sits up taller now, adjusting his body so he wasn’t slouching anymore, and you took the time to readjust too thinking you went too far, but when you settle back down he takes your hand in his, lacing your fingers together under the blanket. You were suddenly not interested in the movie anymore, your heart beating wildly from what’s going on. You couldn’t really understand what was happening. He didn’t like you. He couldn’t. But he does? You were screaming internally. You turned your body into him, quietly so no one around you would notice, no one was paying attention to you guys anyway, and you lean into him and look up to find him looking down at you with red eyes like fire. His other hand comes up and cups your cheek and he smiles at you like you’re the only two in the room.

“Can I?” He whispers so quietly you barely hear it before leaning up slowly closing the distance between you, softly and quietly brushing your lips against his before pulling back and looking at him to see if it was okay. “Meet me in the laundry room” he whispers into your ear before getting up. No one questioned him, no one ever does. You wait five agonizing minutes pretending to watch the movie before you get up yourself and quietly make your way back into the laundry room, leaving his blanket on the couch. When you open the door you smile at him, he looked nervous, you’ve never seen him look nervous before. “Hi” you say softly and close the door behind you. “Y/n” he says and you walk over to him, you wish there was like a dryer on or something so there was some noise to cover your voices but oh well. “You wanted to see me..” you start to play around and he can’t wait any longer, he grabs you by your waist and pulls you to him, his other hand goes to your cheek and jaw as he presses his lips to yours he’s been thinking about how much he’d love to kiss you for months. Since you thought Kirishima liked you he got jealous, he gave you a couple months between then and now, to make sure his feelings were genuine and not ego based. But every day since he noticed he fell harder and harder for you, wondering how he never noticed how amazing you were since the beginning. He was worried tho because a small part of him thought you might still be into Kiri, but tonight has gotten rid of all his fears. You sighed with a smile and wrapped your arms around his neck, you had gotten closer to Bakugou and unintentionally developed a crush on him. Which scared you and annoyed you, it was Bakugou for hell’s sake he’d never focus on anything other than becoming number one. You never suspected this, but you weren’t complaining. Your heart soared and your skin tingled. His lips were so soft against yours even though he was rough, his hand squeezing your hip sent shivers down your spine and you bit his bottom lip and pulled it before letting go and looking into his eyes.

“Wow Katsuki,” you were breathless as you spoke, his smirk on his face adorable “that was better than I imagined it would be” your hands started to play with the hair at the nape of his neck “you imagined kissing me?” He asks and quirks his brow and you chuckle bringing a hand down and caressing his cheek before running your thumb across his bottom lip “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while now. But I thought you’d never think of me as anything but your weird friend” he laughs a little too loud and you cover his mouth with your fingers and shush him softly “oops.” His voice was quiet now “you are my weird friend, and I love that. I thought you still ... kinda liked .. shitty hair” he sounded jealous and shy which was completely unlike him, it was your turn to laugh but you at least did it quiet “I realized that I was reading too much into his friendship and that I didn’t really like him more than a friend. Then I thought I was doing the same thing with you and I was kicking myself before tonight. But I guess you really do like me and I’m not a huge idiot” you laugh again and he smirks “well I wouldn’t go that far. Yes I have strong feelings for you but you’re still a huge idiot” you slap his shoulder “hey!” You kind of yell and he laughs and covers your mouth with his fingers “you’re a huge adorable beautiful idiot but you’re my idiot and that’s all that matters” you quirk you’re eyebrows “yours huh? Does that make you my idiot in return?” He rolls his eyes and you smirk before leaning in and starting to kiss slowly up his neck, sucking below his jaw and biting just a little, causing him to moan quietly. You bite his ear lobe “Katsuki. Are you myyyyy idiot?” You whisper playfully before kissing the other side of his neck, biting and leaving a hickey down on his collar bone causing him to get goosebumps before he whispers “yesss, I’m yours” you pull back with a laugh and a quick kiss, bouncing on your toes. “Good! Now, let’s go finish the movie” you take his hand and pull him along, he sighs pretending he was annoyed when in fact he was beyond happy and grateful that he was wearing baggy inconspicuous sweats.

[lils-writes-stuff]

Matthews

Spencer Reid x reader

Best Years Season 2 part six | part five | part four | part three | part two | part one | season one

summary: doesn’t ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night changes.

warning: normal criminal minds things, angst, sadness, gore, fun stuff

A/N: based on season 8 episode 12; uhhh here’s the storm

 The sound of Y/N’s phone vibrating under her hand woke her up. She lifted her head off of Amelia’s bed, not bothering to look at the caller I.D. and answered.

 “Hello?” Y/N’s voice croaked, still full of sleep. 

 “Ms. Matthews,” a distorted voice spoke through the phone. 

 Y/N sat up completely straight in her chair, now high alert. 

 “Or should I say SSA Y/N Y/L/N.” 

 “Who is this?” Y/N asked, standing up from the chair and moving outside of the room. She knew exactly who it was but she needed to be sure. 

 “You know exactly who this is,” the voice responded.

 “Landry Stephenson,” Y/N said with a stern tone. “What do you want?” 

 “Midnight,” Landry replied.

 “What about it?” 

 “That’s what you have till before this beautiful gold ring becomes mine, along with your boyfriend.” 

 The line went dead after that. A small tear of fear pricked in Y/N’s eyes, the phone not coming off her ear as she stood there in shock for a second. She pulled the phone off her ear after taking her second, calling the only person she could think of.

 “I got here as quickly as I could,” Hotch said, rushing up the stairs to his office where Y/N stood. 

 She couldn’t trust Strauss anymore, she needed to go straight to the people she knew would help.

  Her team.

 “What’s wrong?” Hotch asked once he came face to face with Y/N. 

 “I need to tell you where I’ve been,” she said with a shaky voice. 

 It felt as though she was injured, running off of pure adrenaline. And now it was starting to wear off because her voice began to shake. Hotch closed the door to his office and gestured for her to sit down.  

 “Strauss sent me undercover at George Town because they’ve been receiving letters about someone in the BAU being stalked. There has also been a recent string of ‘suicides’ that we thought were connected to the case, now I can confirm it is because one of the girls I’ve become close to was a victim last night…” 

 “Y/N I’m so sorry,” Hotch said sympathetically. 

 “It’s alright, she’s recovering in the hospital, she made it to my office to get help somehow.” 

 She took in a shaky breath and looked at the watch on her wrist. 

 “Okay, I’m going to skip some parts because we need to get the team here as soon as possible. Basically, this girl named Landry Stephenson has been sending letters to us about Spencer and I found out it was her yesterday when I went to Amelia’s dorm to look around and I found hundreds of pictures of Spencer in a small chest. This morning I got a phone call from Landry saying we have until midnight tonight to save Spencer.” 

 “How do you know it was Landry for sure?” 

 “Because she addressed me as Ms. Matthews, that was my undercover name.” 

 Y/N took in a shaky breath and lifted her hand and watched it shake violently. She was starting to have an anxiety attack, she hadn’t had that since the day of the bomb. 

 “Y/N,” Hotch said, making her tearful eyes look at him. “I need you to breathe okay, breath.” 

 She took in some deep breaths and let a few tears fall down her face. Her eyes closed and she took a minute to compose herself, letting all her emotions flood out of her so she could focus on saving Spencer. 

 “Okay, let’s get the team here.” 

--------------

 “Y/N,” everyone said as they walked into the bullpen, seeing the woman they all missed. 

 JJ and Penelope ran up and wrapped their arms around her, squeezing her tightly. 

 “Hey, guys-” she pulled away from the hug and gave others to the rest of the team- “I wish we had time to catch up but we have a problem.” 

 “Why? What’s going on?” Rossi asked, his brows furrowing in concern. 

 “Wait, shouldn’t we wait for Reid?” Penelope asked, noticing the Boy Wonder’s absence. 

 “That’s why we’re here. This morning Y/N received a phone call from Landry Stephenson, the unsub Strauss sent her to find who had been killing students at George Town and stalking a member of the BAU, that member was Reid,” Hotch relayed the information Y/N had told him to the team. 

 The team had slack jaws at the news. 

 “So, is he okay? Is he in protective custody?” JJ asked, her words quick and strong. 

 “When I got the call, Landry told me we had until midnight to find him,” Y/N said, her voice shaking again. 

 “Oh god…” Penelope muttered, clutching her hand to her chest. 

 “What other information do you have?” Derek asked assertively. 

 “Not much,” Y/N let her head drop in shame. 

 The team stayed quiet for a second, watching as Y/N sniffled as a way to keep in her tears. “I have a wealth of knowledge to be applying to this case right now about behaviors of violent stalkers, tactical recovery strategies-” she choked on a sob at her next words- “victim survival odds, things I know about the unsub. But I can’t keep a straight thought for more than four seconds at a time, so I’m the dumbest person in the room.”

 The team watched in sympathy as Y/N cried during her speech. They knew he was the love of her life and she was his. They were Spencer and Y/N. “The greatest love I’d ever seen,” as Rossi put it. So they knew, this was tearing her apart because she was putting all the blame on herself.  

 “Please-” her voice cracked- “we need to find him.”

 “This technically isn’t our case, but Spencer is a part of this team,” Hotch said as everyone stayed quiet. “This is going rogue not only for Y/N but for all of us, we could lose our jobs. Does anybody want to leave?”

 No one answered.

 “Good, then let’s get started.”  

-------------

 “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while deeply loving someone gives you courage,” Y/N mumbled under her breath as she paced back and forth in Penelope’s office. She kept repeating the phrase under her breath like a mantra. It’s a quote by Luo Tzu that she found during her time away. It’s what kept her going from being away from Spencer and only being able to talk to him every so often. 

 “Hey,” Derek whispered, walking into the office that was only occupied but Y/N. 

 Y/N ignored him and kept repeating the quote under her breath. 

 “Y/N.” Derek stepped in front of her and grabbed her shoulders. “We’re going to find him.”

 “Yeah,” she nodded and wrangled her hands together. “It’s just this is all my fault. If I had pushed harder, maybe Strauss would have gotten him sooner or even put Landry in custody and then we wouldn’t be here right now and I could be back on the team and everything would be great and be normal. Spencer and I would be together and would be happy and hopefully engaged-” 

 Y/N’s blubber of ‘what if’s’ was cut off by Derek. 

 “Hey, hey.” He grabbed her shoulder and gave her a slight shake. “Wonder Woman we are going to find him and stop this.” 

 She nodded and fell into his chest, just needing a hug now. He wrapped his arms around her shoulder and held her for about a minute. 

 “Let’s go to the round table room, we got all the letters that were sent from Strauss,” Derek said, beginning to lead her to the door. 

 “How did she take the fact I didn’t come to her first?” Y/N asked while wiping the last of her tears. 

 “Not well at first, but I think she understood eventually.” 

 When they reached the round table room, the team was sitting all around it, copies of the letters that were sent scattered between them. 

 “This is clearly a classically possessive stalker,” Derek said as he finished one of the letters he was reading. 

 “Yeah, one who craves validation and recognition,” Blake added.

 “Yeah, she’s asking here ‘why won’t you see me?’, ‘do you think you’re better than me?’, within the five letters this comes up again and again,” JJ said as she flipped through her copies of the letters. 

 “Five?” Y/N asked from her seat across the table. 

 She had been silent for most of the time in the room. Her knees pulled up to her chest and her forehead resting on top of them. 

 “Yeah, there’s five,” JJ responded showing Y/N the letters.

 “No, no, that can’t be right, when Strauss sent me out there was only four,” Y/N let her feet hit the ground as she reached for her copies of the letters. 

 Sure enough, another latter had been sent since she was undercover. It came in yesterday. 

 “This got here yesterday,” Y/N pointed out. 

 “How do you know?” Rossi asked, flipping to the same letter she had in her hand. 

 “Because this is talking about the attack on Amelia,” Y/N said as she kept reading the letter swiftly. 

 “Who’s Amelia?” Blake asked quietly, not wanting to make Y/N jump at anyone in her frantic state. 

 “She’s a girl I’ve been counseling undercover, we’ve gotten really close, yesterday she was attacked.” Y/N kept reading through the graphic description of the attack, trying to not let it get to her as she looked for ideas where Spencer could be. 

 “Here, here, she talks about how she did this for him,” Y/N blurted when she finished reading over a line in the letter, pointing to the spot. “She was killing these people so that the team would come and investigate.” 

 “Well, we have her motive for the killing, also probably for the suicide she’s also talking about,” Blake said as she pointed out another thing in the letter. “Here it says, ‘when I find you I’m going to kill you than myself’.” 

 “Murder suicides the ultimate ‘I love you’ to these guys,” Rossi remarked.

 “Do you know when Landry started targeting Spencer?” Hotch asked, turning to look at Y/N. 

 “No, no, I just know she was in one of Blake’s linguistics classes, probably saw him guest speak, and…” she trailed off from there, not wanting to say the rest, knowing that the team knew it.  

 “Oh my god guys, I found Spencer,” Penelope blurted when a ping went off on her computer. “Well, not found, but I have video surveillance of him in Union Station last night, being drugged and carted away by the unsub.” 

 The team quickly crowded around Penelope’s laptop and watched the video. Y/N stayed rooted to the ground she stood on, not being able to watch the video.  

 “Alright, Morgan you and JJ go to the station where Reid was taken, see if anything was left as a clue, Blake and Dave, go to Spencer and Y/N’s apartment, see if there’s anything there,” Hotch ordered and the team began to stand up straight and grab their coats. 

 Hotch then turned to Y/N, still rooted in the ground and not moving. “How clear is your head?” 

 “Uh, I’m not sure, not really clear,” she stuttered, eyes staring at Spencer’s empty seat at the round table. 

 “I want to talk to Amelia about Landry but I need you there.” 

 Y/N nodded her head but didn’t move just yet.

 “Y/N,” Penelope said, stopping her as she began to turn. 

 “He wears the ring you know, never takes it off.” 

 “I know.” 

------------

 “Amelia?” Y/N asked softly as she entered the hospital room. 

 Amelia looked up from the book in her hand to see Y/N approach with Hotch behind her. “Hi, Y/N.” 

 “Amelia, this is Agent Hotchner, he works with me at the FBI, um he needs to ask you some questions.” 

 “Hi, Amelia,” Hotch said, walking closer to the side of the bed. 

 Y/N took a step back to watch. 

 “Hi,” Amelia responded. 

 “So Landry Stephenson is your roommate correct?” Hotch asked, starting off his questions. 

 “Yes.”

 “Does she have any place she would go beside your dorm?” 

 “She talked about her boyfriend’s place a couple of times,” Amelia answered after a pause for her to think. 

 “What’s his name?” 

 “Uh, I think she said it was Edmond,” Amelia shrugged. “She rarely talked about him, when she did, it was almost like she was imagining it.” 

 Y/N then had a flashback to when she walked into her’s and Spencer’s apartment one time. She remembered looking over to see a boy walking into his apartment a little down the hall, Landry by his side. 

 “Hotch,” Y/N stepped up getting his attention. 

 He turned his head to look at her. 

 “I know where the boyfriend lives.” 

------------

 “This bitch,” Y/N deadpanned as she walked up the stairs to the second floor of the apartment building where her and Spencer’s apartment lived. She walked swiftly up the stairs and down the hallway, bypassing her apartment that Rossi and Blake had just been in. 

 “Y/N, slow down,” Hotch said, catching up to her. 

 “She was right down the hallway from us, Hotch, how the hell do you expect me to slow down,” she seethed as they came to the apartment of Edmond Rayes. 

 “Let us handle it,” Hotch put his hand up, stopping her from knocking on the door.

 She nodded, still furious that she was this close to them this whole time. 

 “Edmond Rayes,” Derek said, pounding on the door. “FBI.” 

 Rossi pulled his badge out of his pocket and held it to the peephole. A second later, the door opened and revealed Edmond Rayes, with a stitched up forehead. 

 “FBI?” Edmond asked the common thing most people say when the FBI knocks on their door. 

 “What happened to your head?” Rossi nodded to the large gash. 

 “My ex pushed me into a mirror,” he answered, moving his body open to let the four of them in. 

 “That ex wouldn’t happen to be Landry Stephenson would it?” Y/N asked, speaking up for the first time. 

 “Yeah, how’d you know?” Edmond asked, clearly not recognizing Y/N’s voice from the few times she talked to him. He turned his head to look at her and then he recognized her, “Oh, hey Y/N.” 

 “Hi, Edmond.”

 “Do you know where Landry Stephenson is?” Rossi asked, getting straight to the point. 

 “No, should I?”

 “Well, that’s what we were hoping,” Rossi shrugged. 

 “When did you guys break up?” Derek asked the next question.

 “Uh, about three weeks ago,” Edmond answered, pausing to think of the exact timeline. 

 “And when did you get that cut?” Hotch asked. 

 “Two nights ago, Landry came back ranting about something she left here.” 

 Y/N began to wander the apartment, looking all around at the different pictures and figurines adorning the shelves. She wasn’t listening to the interview going on anymore, it just became background noise as she looked at the walls. 

 But then her ears tuned back when she saw an orange envelope slipped between two books. To the untrained eye, no one would have caught it. 

 “Edmond,” Y/N said, bringing everyone’s attention to her. “What’s this?” 

 Edmond cocked his head to the side as he looked at the envelope with Y/N. “I’m not sure.” 

 He pulled the envelope out from between the books and opened it. He pulled out about twenty photos of Spencer and Y/N walking in and out of his apartment. “I think I found what Landry was looking for.” 

 Y/N took the photos from his hands, flipping through them to see them all. They went back a couple of months. 

 “Y/N,” Hotch said nodding to the door of the apartment. Rossi took the photos from her hands as she walked past and followed Hotch out of the apartment. 

 “This means you’re a part of her victimology now, you know,” Hotch said calmly to her. 

 “Are you pulling me off the case then?” 

 “No.” 

 “Then let me go back in there to work,” she said, trying to push past him into the apartment. Hotch stuck his arm out and held her back. 

 “We will but you need a second,” He told her. 

 “Hotch, I was practically stalked by Caroline for my whole college life, this isn’t new to me,” she reassured him and walked back into the apartment. 

------------  

 “Okay we know numbers on female stalkers are minimal, only ten percent are female,” JJ said as the team sat around the round table again to regroup. Y/N took a seat on the couch behind the table, feeling like she needed to step back to see everything. 

 “All right, what tops the list of motivators?” Hotch asked. 

 “Prior sexual intimacy,” Derek debated.

 Y/N barked out a laugh accidentally at the thought. Everyone turned to her with confused glances. “Sorry.”

 “Erotomania?” Rossi asked, moving past the moment. 

 “Maybe,” Derek said. “You slept with me, I’ve built a whole life with us-”

 “No,” Y/N butted in. 

 “Y/N,” JJ whispered. 

 “JJ I know Spencer, we all do, he would not cheat on me, or-or do anything like that.” They all looked at Y/N sympathetically, knowing she was right but they were just saying all the facts. “What’s-what’s the next one?”

 “Celebrity stalking,” JJ answered. 

 “That one makes more sense,” Y/N said nodding her head. 

 “How? Spencer’s not famous,” Blake said shaking her head. 

 “But she was in your class Blake, and when he came to lecture, she became a celebrity to him,” Y/N said. 

 “That’s a stretch,” Rossi argued. “Celebrity stalkers are usually nonviolent.” 

 “You want to tell that to John Lennon, Rossi?” Y/N said standing up from her sitting position as she got angrier. “What was it that Mark David Chapman said after he shot him? ‘It was like all of my nobody-ness and all of his somebody-ness collided.’ Well, Spencer is somebody and-and this bitch is a nobody!” 

 Her sudden outburst made the room get quiet as she paced back and forth. They waited for a second for her to cool down.

 “I’m-I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from,” she apologized as she continued her pacing. “My head’s too clouded, I need to leave, I’m not much help.”

 “Y/N, yes, you can be of help,” Derek said, trying to make her calm down. “You have the most communication with the unsub and Spencer.” 

 “She probably revealed details to you of where she would keep Spencer since she knew who you were,” JJ said in a calming voice. 

 “I don’t have a memory like Spencer! I can’t remember every damn word she said to me, how-”

 “Then pick one of us and we’ll go through each moment with you to help you find out,” Hotch cut her off. 

 Y/N stopped pacing, looking at everyone around the table. Truly, she would pick Penelope but that wasn’t a part of her job so she settled on someone else. 

 “Hotch, please,” she said quietly. 

 “Okay, let’s go,” He said standing up and leading her out of the room. 

------------

 “This is where you want to talk?” Hotch asked as the two reached the park that had many chess boards in it. 

 “It’s where Spencer and I went on our first date, he tried to teach me chess. I need a spot that reminds me of him,” Y/N said as she took a seat at a table. She really sucked at chess, but she knew how to play because of Spencer, but she never beat him. 

 “Okay.” Hotch took a seat across from her. He then moved a pawn to begin the game. “Try to focus on the board and not my questions, just say whatever comes to your mind.” 

 “Okay.” Y/N moved one of her pawns. 

 “When you first think of Spencer what’s the first thing you think of?” 

 “Home,” Y/N laughed as she moved her chess piece. “He-he makes me feel like home. Warm, cozy, and safe.”

 Hotch stayed quiet as he smiled at Y/N. Of course, he knew about their relationship, the whale team did, but they were very private about it. They stayed professional most of the time and no one would assume they were dating if they saw them on the job. This was the first time he really heard about how she really felt about him.

 “So if this is a case of celebrity stalking, why do you think she didn’t go after you to get to Spencer?” Hotch asked as he made his next move. 

 “I’m not sure, to be honest, I wish she did take me instead of him,” Y/N moved her rook. “Maybe she was devolving and her desire to get to him first was too strong so she just...went for him.”

 “Maybe,” Hotch moved his knight. “But why would she choose Spencer, in her mind, they must connect somehow.” 

 “But how?” 

 “Maybe Spencer said something in a lecture that had her make a connection?” Hotch moved another pawn. 

 “Could be…” Y/N moved her other knight. 

 “When you spoke to Landry, did she mention any of her classes?” 

 “No, she didn’t really talk much, she would answer yes or no to my questions…” 

 “Landry, do you have anyone special going on in your life right now?” 

 “Well, I sent in an article to someone I admire again, and I’m hoping they get back to and like this one more than my last.” 

 “Oh my god,” Y/N muttered as she remembered the conversation. 

 “What?” Hotch asked. 

 “Months ago, Spencer was helping some students with thesis and articles they wanted to be published. He then asked for input on a ‘Journal of Behavioral Psych’ article. This one student sent in a theory that was completely improbable and stupid, but I couldn’t even tell you what it was. But that same student kept sending in more stuff like it, and Spencer kept politely rejecting it,” Y/N rambled. 

 “It was Landry that sent in those articles,” Hotch realized. “She wants to be accepted by him.” 

 “She told me once a couple of weeks ago that she sent in another and was hoping it would get accepted,” Y/N looked up at Hotch with teary eyes. “I didn’t make the connection until now.” 

 “It’s not your fault, Y/N, okay, come on let’s get back to the office.”

-------------

 “Landry Stephenson, along with being a major in Linguistics at George Town, she was working on getting her psychology degree online,” Penelope said as she pulled up a photo of Landry on the screen. 

 “Do you have the articles she sent to Spencer?” JJ asked. 

 “Yeah, and like Y/N said, they’re waka-doodle,” Penelope answered.

 “Looks like when Spencer rejected her last article, she dropped out of her online classes,” Rossi said as he looked at the papers Penelope handed them. 

 “Correct,” Penelope said, taking a seat at the table. “I also found an off campus apartment that looks like she stays at on the weekends.” 

 “Dave, you, Y/N, and JJ take the apartment. Blake and Morgan, take the campus dorm,” Hotch ordered. 

 “What was the last article about?” Y/N asked quickly before they could leave. 

 “It says here, ‘How the behaviors of cells change when suicide is inevitable’,” Derek read from the file. 

 “There’s her suicidal ideation again,” Blake remarked. 

 “Except that’s not true, why is she so obsessed with it?” Y/N asked. She now understood why Spencer was rejecting her articles, if they were all like this, they were related to her emotionally. 

 S.W.A.T. busted through the door of the apartment, breaking it off its hinges. They walked in quickly, making sure all the rooms were clear before they could relax and begin their search.

 Y/N, JJ, and Rossi began to look around the apartment. Their eyes landed on a wall covered in family pictures and a newspaper clipping about a double suicide. Of her two parents. 

 “Is this a shrine to her dead parents?” JJ asked as she looked at the wall. 

 “Her parents committed suicide,” Y/N muttered and pointed to the clipping. “That wasn’t in her file.” 

 “Uh, guys,” Rossi called from a back room he wandered to. “You might want to come to look at this.” 

 JJ and Y/N walked to the room quickly. When they entered Rossi had pulled open a small closet door, revealing a bunch more pictures of Spencer. 

 “Oh dear god,” Y/N muttered as she looked at all the pictures. If Spencer wasn’t kidnapped by this girl right now, she would probably find this humorous.

 “She’s watching us,” Rossi nodded to a camera in the corner of the room. 

 JJ and Y/N turned to the camera behind them to see a green blinking light flashing. JJ quickly pulled out her phone and called Penelope. 

 “Garcia,” JJ said when she heard her answer. 

 “What you got, Mama Grizzly?” 

 “There’s a webcam in here can you hack the feed?” JJ asked. 

 “Ohh,” Penelope groaned as she tried to hack the feed. “She’s spoofing the IP address and she’s encrypted the feed.” 

 Y/N searched around the room, finding a piece of paper and marker. She quickly wrote ‘me for him’ on the page and held it up to the camera.

 “What are you doing?” Rossi asked as he watched Y/N write. 

 “Making a deal,” Y/N responded, finishing the message. The two agents watched as Y/N held the paper up to the camera.

 Y/N prayed that this would get her in to find out where Spencer was because they were running out of time now. 

 After about thirty seconds of Y/N holding up the message, the apartment phone began to ring. Y/N set down the paper and rushed to the phone.

 “Hello?” 

 “It’s me,” Spencer’s voice said back through the phone. 

 Y/N let out a breath of relief that he was still alive. “Spence, are you okay?” 

 “Yeah, yeah I think so,” Spencer stuttered. “I’ve got a concussion and some bruising, but I’m okay.” 

 “Can I speak to Landry?”

 She heard Spencer take in a sharp breath. “No, she’s listening.” 

 “Good, I need to meet her, I need to talk to her,” Y/N said, hoping she was playing her cards right now. 

 “She has a message she wants me to give to you,” Spencer spoke softly, clearly uneasy as his words were slightly slurred. 

 “What is it, bub,” she hoped using his nickname would give him some strength. 

 “The message is, she left you a present and if you want to find it, it’s easy as pie,” Spencer’s voice was slurred, almost like he was falling asleep. 

 “What does that mean? I don’t get that,” Y/N said, rubbing her forehead as she tried to think. 

 “Neither do I,” Spencer mumbled. “Y/N don’t come, it’s a trap! She’s gonna kill you-”

 The line went dead.

 Y/N thought for a moment, then she had a thought. “I need a map of D.C.” 

------------

 When Y/N, Rossi, and JJ arrived back at the BAU, Y/N had plenty of time to think about the riddle and decipher most of it. 

 A map was set up on a board when they walked in. She quickly picked up a blue marker. 

 “We don’t have a lot of time so I’m going to make this as quick as possible.” Y/N took the cap off the marker then began marking things. “This is Landry’s off-campus apartment- this is the nearest tower her phone call to me pinged off of, which means this-” she used a compass to draw a circle around the spots- “is the circle that Spencer was telling me about.”

 “What circle?” Hotch asked. 

 “It was a clue in Landry’s message, finding her would be as easy as pie, but she wasn’t talking about the food, she was talking about the number Pi.” Y/N wrote the first three digits on the board. 

 “Pi,” Penelope said and turned back to her laptop to start some calculations.

 “Why would she give you a clue?” Hotch asked. 

 “Spencer has a doctorate in mathematics, so of course she would use math to lure us in because she wants Spencer to think she’s just as smart as me and him,” Y/N relayed the conclusion she had come up with on the car ride back.

 “All right, assuming that Landry has a secondary location, wherein the circle would she hold Reid?” Hotch nodded to the circle she drew on the map. 

 “She’d need a building that would allow for privacy and control, a closed garage for prisoner transfer…”

 “If she’s trying to insert herself into Spencer’s life, maybe she has it close your apartment,” Hotch suggested.

 “There’s nothing in Landry’s name,” Penelope said after searching with the suggestion. 

 “Try Y/N’s or Spencer’s,” Hotch said, turning around to look at Penelope. 

 “Nope.”

 “What about Landry’s parents?” Y/N squatted down next to Penelope as she typed. 

 “Yes, yes,” Penelope said excitedly as she got a hit. “Landry rented a loft across from your’s and Spencer’s apartment building in her parent’s name.”

 “Y/N,” Hotch said, bringing her attention over to him. “I can’t let you be a part of this takedown.”

 “We don’t have a choice if I don’t go in there. Spence's dead,” Y/N said, her hands moving aggressively as she spoke.

 “And if you do you’re dead,” Hotch told her. 

 Y/N shook her head. “Hotch, we’ve known from the beginning she’s on a murder-suicide mission, but we didn’t stop to ask why she’s on that mission. We know now, it’s because she wants recognition, the type she believes Spencer can give her and if I go in there I can let her believe she is getting that.” 

 “How?” 

 “Because I’m going to break up with Spencer to do so.” 

--------------           

 The team pulled up to the building with the sirens blaring. S.W.A.T. had already arrived at the scene, ready for instruction from the team. 

 The team each hopped out of there respected vehicles, guns drawn and ready to save Spencer. 

 “Hang on, I got a box on the steps,” Hotch stopped everyone, carefully approaching the box. 

 “That’s the gift,” Y/N said, holstering her gun and walking up to the box.

 She picked it up, looking at Hotch to be sure it was alright who nodded. She pulled back the blue lid to reveal a small black velvet box. She pulled it out and opened it, seeing a beautiful ring inside of it.

 “Is that a ring?” Derek asked as he inspected it from a distance.

 “Take your gun and vest off,” Landry’s voice said through an intercom by the door. 

 Quickly, Y/N began to strip the vest off her torso and handed her gun and the ring to Hotch.

 “Now come in Alone.” 

 “Y/N,” Hotch tested, but Y/N didn’t look back at him.

 She opened the door carefully and slowly walked up the small set of stairs to a platform. When she reached the top, Landry rounded the corner and cocked her gun. 

 She walked over to Y/N slowly and grabbed her shoulder, placing the gun to her side. “Walk.”

 Landry pushed her down into a chair roughly. Y/N shifted uncomfortably and took a breath, trying to keep a cool front. 

 When she looked in front of her, she saw Spencer strapped to a chair. “Hi, Spence.”

 “Hi,” he whispered back. 

 “I was hoping you’d figure out my riddle,” Landry said as she moved behind Spencer, laying a hand on his shoulder. “I mean, I knew you would-” she snaked her hand under his shirt- “The fun was just how fast you did it.” 

 Y/N watched as Spencer stiffened uncomfortably under her touch. 

 “It took me a while, if I’m honest, I was kinda distracted by your article you sent in,” Y/N said, hoping she was right about her plan.

 Landry pulled her hand off of Spencer and looked at Y/N. “You read my article?” 

 “I did, the one on the behavior of cells during suicide? I couldn’t agree more,” Y/N lied hoping Spencer, even in his out of mind state, would be able to play along. 

 “Flattery is not going to get you out of this, because I know what’s waiting for me outside,” Landry said, pointing to the window with her gun.

 “I’ve arranged for your freedom,” Y/N bargained, again with a lie. 

 “The feds don’t make deals with people like me,” Landry stated matter-of-factly.

 “Not true, if you have something to help them; Nazi scientists helped with the manhattan project, Mafia bosses are put in witsec, if what you have is valuable enough, they’ll take you,” Y/N corrected her. “That’s why Spencer didn’t want to accept your article because he knew you were right and he was upset he didn’t come up with it first.”

 Spencer’s eyes lit in that realization moment that Y/N recognized. He was catching on to the game. 

 “It’s true after I read it, I was upset I couldn’t figure that out sooner, so I rejected it out of jealousy,” Spencer added, hoping that hearing him say it would allow her to believe it. “And what you have, is valuable.” 

 “And what do I have?” Landry asked, using her gun to make Spencer’s face look at her. 

 Please Spence, please say the right thing, Y/N plead internally. 

 “A brain that doesn’t work with normal societal rules.” 

 Right on the money, good doctor. 

 “I’m here because Spencer deserves someone like you, someone with a brain that’s as big and smart as his,” Y/N said, making her move to get Landry to hopefully let her guard down. 

 When Landry had no response, she spoke again. “Spencer, I’m sorry I don’t love you, I’m breaking up with you.” 

 Even though it was a lie, it hurt Y/N to say those words. It physically pained her. 

 “It’s okay, Y/N, I understand, because I chose Landry,” Spencer played into the lie. 

 Landry whipped her head around to Spencer. “You’re choosing me over her?” 

 “Yeah,” Spencer whispered. 

 “I don’t need her anymore,” Landry said, bringing her gun to Y/N’s head. 

 “Kill her and she won’t have to live with the fact that I chose you over her,” Spencer said, stopping Landry before she could shoot. “Let her live with her irrelevancy.” 

 “Fine,” Landry said, getting ready to push her out of the chair and out of the room. “But I just want her to see one more thing.” 

 Landry walked over, undid the zip ties, and connected her lips with Spencer’s. As best as he could he tried to play into it, but it felt too wrong and he barely even moved his lips. 

 Y/N just hoped Spencer could play it off long enough to where they could get her outside and arrest her.  

 “Liar,” Landry said, pulling herself away from Spencer. “Liar!” She pointed the gun at Spencer’s chest but quickly Y/N stood up and reached around her to pull the gun up as Landry fired a shot, missing Spencer completely. Y/N had got the gun out of her hand and it was thrown on the ground. 

  Landry quickly grabbed a knife off of a table next to her and held it to Y/N’s throat as the rest of the team entered when they heard the shot go off. 

 “Stay back! Stay back!” Spencer yelled as the team entered the room. 

 Y/N breathed in deeply as Landry held the knife to her throat. “Landry, Landry, remember what I said, I broke up with him, he’s choosing you, it’s going to take a second for him to be completely ready to kiss you or-or be with you.” 

 “Landry-” Spencer tried to plead.

 “You didn’t want me!” Landry screeched, the knife coming off of Y/N’s neck slightly. 

 “I didn’t,” Spencer told her honestly. “But we can still arrange for your freedom.” 

 “No, you love her and I’ll never be her.” 

 Y/N quickly reached up and wrestled with Landry for the knife. Somewhere along the line, the knife ended up and Y/N’s abdomen.

 Y/N sucked in a breath of pain as Landry pulled the knife out. 

 A shot sounded off from JJ’s gun and hit Landry in the chest as she turned around. 

 “Y/N!” Spencer’s voice echoed in the room as he ran up to her body falling on the ground.

 “We need a medic!” Hotch’s voice boomed. 

 He caught her and helped bring her down to the ground, hand pressing on the wound on her stomach. 

 “I’m okay, I’m okay,” she whispered, reaching a hand up to caress his cheek. 

 A tear rolled out of his eye, and that was just the beginning of them. 

 “Hey, bub, I heard you wore my ring,” she said, trying to bring him away from the fact she was just stabbed.

 “Yeah, yeah I do,” he choked. He grabbed the hand that was holding his cheek, kissing the back of it, and showing her the ring still on his finger. 

 “I-I think you got me a ring too,” she whispered as she remembered the ring Landry left for her at the front door that she gave to Hotch. 

 “I did,” he whispered back, holding her hand clasped against his face. 

 She smiled softly, beginning to feel her eyes get heavy. 

 “Hey, hey, sweets, keep those eyes open, the paramedics are almost here,” Spencer begged as he watched her eyes get heavy. “I love you.” 

 The paramedics pried Y/N out of Spencer’s arms and brought her onto a board, but Spencer kept trying to grab for her. 

 His sobs racked his body violently as JJ and Derek held him back from running to her unconscious body. JJ shushed his sobs and cries for Y/N as she was taken out of the room and into the hospital.

------------- 

 “Spencer,” JJ’s voice echoed in Spencer’s head. “Spence.” She shook his shoulder. 

 Spencer stayed still, not having moved from his position on the ER bed all night as he stared at the same linoleum tile. Y/N had been in surgery for hours and his physical exam to see his injuries had been long done. He came out with a minor concussion and a few bruises like he thought, but his heart was in need of fixing. 

 He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe without knowing if Y/N was okay. If she was alive. 

 JJ kept saying his name but gave up after her fifth try and had no answer. She settled with placing the ring that Y/N gave to Hotch beside him on the bed. 

 He glanced down at the ring in its box, then back up at JJ. His eyes watered and then he let the tears fall as he picked up the box. 

 He needed someone right now to give him a sense of hope, to give him something to hold on to. Because if he didn’t have something, he might lose everything. 

 “I’m scared,” he admitted to JJ in a whisper.

 “Oh, Spence,” she said sadly, wrapping her arms around his shoulder from her standing position. “She’s going to be okay, she’s too strong to die.”

 Spencer let out a sob as he hugged JJ back. 

 In the waiting room, the rest of the team sat anxiously. Derek muttered some prayer to a God he struggled to believe in, in hopes that he might grant some mercy for Y/N. 

 Rossi prayed to a God he did believe in. 

 Blake closed her eyes and just hoped. 

 Penelope sat staring at a random tile on the floor, muttering “She’s gonna be okay” under her breath repeatedly. 

 Hotch paced back and forth in the room. 

 Spencer was told by a doctor he was allowed to go to the waiting room with the rest of the team. It wasn’t really a suggestion though, the ER nurse gave JJ a pleading look because they needed the bed for other patients.

 “Spence, let’s go see the rest of the team,” JJ cooed, coaxing him up with one arm and leading him to the waiting room. 

 When they entered the room, each one of them looked up and gave Spencer a sad smile. 

 Penelope stood up from her chair though, walking over and standing in front of him. She was about to say something, her mouth opening, and closing while she struggled to get the voice out. 

 But Spencer knew what she meant and just nodded.

 Penelope let out a sob and wrapped her arms around Spencer tightly. Her tears were full of fear for Y/N and sorrow for Spencer. 

 “Family of Y/N Y/L/N?” 

 Everyone faced the doctor that walked into the room. 

 “How is she?” Rossi asked, being the only one who could voice the question. 

 The doctor let out a breath that was anything but reassuring. “She coded, but we were able to bring her back. She’s out of surgery now but we don’t know when she’ll wake up.” 

 “But she’s okay?” Spencer asked, needing to hear those words so he could breathe again. 

 “She’s okay.” 

 Spencer took in a breath, finally feeling like he could breathe again.

 “Can we see her?” Penelope asked. 

 “Yeah, follow me,” The doctor said and began leading the group to the room. 

 In the bed laid Y/N, connected to many I.V.’s and an oxygen tube up her nose. But she was there. Alive and breathing. 

 Spencer rushed to her side, grabbing her hand and lacing it with his. Tears of joy escaping his eyes. 

---------------

 Five days. That’s how long Y/N had been asleep for now. Hotch had given the team time off if needed, seeing as Y/N would need them as soon as she woke up. 

 Each day, a different member of the team would come in and hang out with Spencer. Who stayed there full time. He may have left once to take a shower and a couple of changes of clothes. Other than that, he hadn’t left Y/N’s side at all. 

 Penelope had brought many flowers, balloons, and baskets in for Y/N. She brought her favorite muffins for when she woke up, pink roses which were her favorite, and many balloons. So many balloons that when Penelope brought in more one day, he made her take some out so the new ones would have room. 

 Today was Rossi’s day in the rotation for visitation. He had been there a couple of times before, but only for an hour or two, today was his whole day he got to spend there. 

 “Hey, Kid,” Rossi greeted, handing him a coffee he brought. 

 “Hey, thanks,” Spencer said, taking the warm drink from his hand. 

 “No problem,” Rossi smiled, taking a seat in the chair on the other side of Y/N’s bed. “Has there been any changes?” 

 “No, doctors still don’t know why she hasn’t woken up,” Spencer sighed after taking a sip of the coffee. He looked up to her peaceful face. “I even called London, her best friend who’s a doctor and one of the best hospitals in the US, and she and her colleagues can’t figure out anything.” He took his hand out of her and brushed a piece of hair that had fallen in her face away. 

 Rossi smiled at Spencer’s gesture, hoping that she woke up soon so he didn’t have to watch Spencer torment himself anymore with staying there. 

 “How are you holding up?” Rossi asked, concern for the young man who he hadn’t seen outside this hospital in days. 

 “Alright, I guess,” Spencer answered truthfully.

 When a comfortable silence fell between the two, the sounds of beeping coming from the heart monitor beating like a slow metronome in the back, Spencer began to laugh at a thought he had. 

 “What’s so funny?” 

 “It’s not funny at all actually,” Spencer admitted and kept chuckling. “It’s just, um, on day three of her coma, I got mad.” 

 “At what?” 

 “At Y/N,” Spencer laughed, clearly needing sleep. “I was mad because when she left, she left me a letter and a ring, promising me she would come back safely, and now.” 

 Spencer's laugh soon faltered into a sob. “And now, she’s like this.” 

 Rossi looked at him with agony, he had never seen Spencer like this. So broken, so upset, so..unknowing. 

 “Spencer, I know it’s really hard to think of right now, but you have to push through,” Rossi told him, leaning forward in his seat. “You and I know she’s too competitive to die, she won’t let it beat her. Think of it as a time out in the game, she needs a second to figure out her game plan so she can come back and win.” 

 Spencer smiled at the analogy, reaching for Y/N’s hand again and squeezing it like he had done many times before. What surprised him this time about this time was, she squeezed back. 

 Spencer’s head jerked up to her eyes to see if hers were open. And low and behold, there they were, sparkling like they normally do and making his heart melt. 

 “Y/N…” Spencer whispered, standing up from his chair and sitting on the bed. His left hand reached up to caress her head. “You’re awake.” 

 “She is,” Rossi said with a bright smile, standing up from his seat. “I’m going to go get the doctor.” He reached his hand over the edge of the bed and squeezed her ankle before leaving.

 “Thank you,” Spencer said and turned back to Y/N. He let out tears from his eyes as he looked down at the woman he loved with all his heart. 

 “Hey, don’t cry,” she soothed, wiping his tears away that fell down his face. “I’m okay, see.” 

 “I know, I know,” he laughed with tears. 

 He reached down and let their lips mold together. He poured all the emotion he could into the kiss, letting go of her hand so he could use both hands to hold her face. Her arms reached up to the short distance so her hands could cup his neck. His lips tasted like coffee, but they were a pain killer for anything Y/N was feeling right now.

 “I love you,” Spencer whispered, his forehead resting on hers when they parted.

 “I love you too,” she mumbled with a smile.

 “Marry me,” Spencer blurted, pulling his forehead off of hers. 

 “What?” 

 “Marry me.” He dropped to one knee at her bedside, fumbling with the ring in its box as he pulled it out of his pocket. “I know that we have an inconvenient job, and terrible luck-”

 “We have the shittiest luck,” Y/N agreed with a laugh. 

 “We do. But I believe...I believe that with you, I am the luckiest man alive. And there’s no way I could spend my life without you because you are the love of my life Y/N Y/L/N. Every moment I didn’t know you were okay, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I-I just can’t imagine me without you.” 

 Y/N had tears pouring out of her eyes now, she loved this man with all her heart and soul. 

 “So, marry me,” Spencer finished, opening the box to reveal the ring Y/N had seen the other night. 

 “Yeah,” Y/N whispered, nodding her head furiously. “Yeah, I’ll marry you.”

 Spencer’s mouth formed a wide smile as he pulled the ring out of the box and placing it on her finger. She reached up, grabbing her face and connected them in a loving kiss full of smiles and tears of joy.

Tag List (let me know if you want to be added!!):

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[ashintheairlikesnow]

Found

CW: Creepy whumper, noncon touch (nonsexual), ableist language, some violence at the end

TIMELINE: The summer before Chris begins attending college, shortly before Oliver Branch goes to trial for essentially accepting bribes for a Senate seat.

Tagging Chris’s crew:  @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @stxckfxck , @slaintetowhump, @astrobly, @newandfiguringitout, @doveotions

“You look familiar.”

The voice hasn’t changed at all in the past few years, maybe just gone a little deeper. The soft, slight southern drawl is still there, genteel rounded consonants, drawn out vowels. 

He still dreams about that voice. It still sends shivers down his spine, not all of them from fear.

“Is that who I think that is?”

Chris feels his heart start to pound under the fabric of his t-shirt, and he dips his head low, as though he hasn't heard, as though he won't be seen. 

It's been four years of therapy and building himself a whole new identity and learning to be a person again since the night he was rescued, but even still some traitorous impulse deep inside of Chris thrills at the sound of his Sir. 

He’d been scrolling through his phone, waiting for Jake to finish up inside the store. He’s just been out here reading about campus life, researching dorm room checklists, taking a deep breaths as they took step after step after step towards Chris being an independent adult and not a dependent rescue. 

He’d come out to soak up a little bit of the warm sunlight, feeling its heat soaking into his hair - strawberry blond at the roots, faded blue around the crown of his head, long enough to graze his shoulders with the deepest ocean teal only at the ends. He has it pulled back, caught just at the nape of his neck with a little clip to keep it out of his eyes.

He wishes, as he listens to the familiar sound of the same fine leather shoes stepping crisply along the pavement, that he’d left his hair loose so he could hide behind it now.

Don’t look at him. Don’t look up. Don’t don’t don’t don’t-

“Look at me, darlin’.”

Chris’s chin raises, his head turns. He’s not sure who makes the choice to do that - it doesn’t feel like he’s the one who controlled the movement. 

“There you are.” Sir’s face is just the same, he doesn’t even seem to have gained a new wrinkle, although four years and his slowly imploded political career might have put a bit more gray in the sandy hair. “It is you, isn’t it?” 

Chris texts something - he doesn’t even know what, he doesn’t dare look, only glances down long enough to make sure he’s sending his text to the right person before he slides the phone into his pocket. One hand moves to a bracelet he is always wearing on the other wrist, the cool metal hex nuts braided into thick black nylon, spinning them with his fingers in a nervous motion. 

He’s just fidgeting. It’s just fidgeting. Normal people fidget when they’re nervous, normal people do this, it’s normal to be nervous-

Nothing that happened to you is normal.

“Ah,” Sir says, in his thick oily voice, and reaches up to graze the backs of his knuckles down Chris’s cheek. Chris only stares at him, wide-eyed, feeling impossibly, horribly small. “Where is that voice I loved so much, darlin’? Did you finally learn how to keep your mouth shut?”

Chris jerks back and away from the touch, eyes narrowing. He wants to bite back, to say something, anything, in a strong voice but the words are stuck in his throat, his defiance is locked away.

It must be visible in his eyes, still, because something in Sir’s expression goes cold and his hand slides around to the back of Chris’s neck, a heavy warmth that presses there, like every time he’s ever used that same grip in the same place to push Chris down to his knees. “Careful,” Sir says, in a voice that exudes gentleness. “Careful what you think, beautiful boy.”

Chris’s stomach twists, lurches, flips with disgust. “Don’t-... don’t, don’t don’t-don’t call me that,” He says, and his voice is smaller than he wants it to be, as weak as he is and not as strong as he wants to be. 

“They haven’t fixed you at all,” Sir says, tsking, clicking tongue against the backs of his perfect white teeth. His thumb is rubbing up just where Chris’s hairline starts just behind his ear and he can’t stop shivering, can’t stop shaking at how awful it feels and how good. 

“I, I-I didn’t need… need fixed,” Chris manages, airy and trembling under Sir’s touch. His phone vibrates in his back pocket, but he doesn’t dare pick it up to check.

I’m going back I’m going back he’s going to take me back he’s going to take me way I’ll never see Jake again I’ll never see anyone ever again-

Chris’s eyes fill with tears and he has to sniff them back, only to hear Sir’s low, deep chuckle. He’s too close, he’s way too close, and Chris cringes back against the brick wall, letting Sir move into his space and Chris can’t remember any longer how to get him out of it.

“Of course you had to be fixed. Look at you, you’re an awful mess without me. Who let you get your ears pierced? Your new keeper?" Sir's touch moves to his earlobe, rubbing at the sensitive skin and the small black stud there with the rough pad of his thumb, and Chris knows he could - should - run, or fight, but all he can do is go still and stare straight ahead, sunlight glinting off the cars in the parking lot.

It’s a gorgeous day, and a terrible one.

Everything is wrong.

Two teenage girls shriek laughter as one chases the other towards a small brightly-colored green car. They have long legs, tanned skin and short denim shorts, tank tops that cling to narrow waists.

They’re beautiful and probably don’t know they’re beautiful. They’re living easy lives they don’t know are easy. They’ve probably never had to hide underneath someone’s desk listening to other people live lives they never get to touch, they haven’t had to be so silent and so still, perfect carved statue people.

What they want is not irrelevant.

What they want matters.

He wants to be running with them, wants to collapse into the seat of a car giggling and easy, wants to go back to feeling the sun warm his hair but instead - in this moment - all he feels is frozen.

"I did," Chris whispers, jealous of those girls and all the life they get to live that isn't silent, frozen fear of Sir. "I, I, I don't have a, a keeper now-"

"That's such an awful lie, darlin'." Sir steps closer. “You know how I feel about you lyin’ to me.” Chris wants to vomit all over his shoes, right here right now. The smell of Sir’s cologne is so thick it gets stuck in Chris's throat and steals his air.

Jake’s cologne is light and soft and barely-there, something he only smells when he’s up close or holding one of his shirts. Sir’s wafts through the air around him, steals it, poisons it. 

"It isn't." His lips barely move. “It… isn’t a lie… Sir.”

The words drip from his mouth. He thinks of a documentary he watched with Jake that talked about acid rain. Imagines the words that come slow and steady from his mouth wearing bark off of trees, leaving only the pale flesh like human skin underneath.

He imagines himself as a white birch tree, with Sir slowly stripping him bare, discarding the parts of himself he has built with sun and air and Jake and time. 

His bracelet isn’t helping. His fingers are frozen touching the metal bits, not spinning them, just stuck. His necklace, the lightweight silicone feather that he uses so often when he is happy, lays heavy and hateful somewhere near his sternum. He can’t think - every track is stalling, the trains have all derailed, the thoughts inside are lost in the fog and the debris. He can’t step away. There’s nowhere to run to.

He can’t move his hands. He can’t move his hands. He can’t move his hands. 

He can’t move.

Not until the game is over.

Not until he loses again.

"Oh, it is. We both know it’s a lie, darlin’. You’re simply too old to be of much use to me, now, but...” Sir breathes out through his nose and Chris flinches as the grip on his earlobe suddenly tightens and Sir pulls, like he’ll tear the stud out entirely, and Chris whines low in his throat at the flash, the spike of pain.

Sir stops immediately, but his oil-slick smile finds its way back to his face. 

A child is pushed out of the store behind them sitting in a shopping cart, crying, the little boy’s mother shushing him and telling him they’ll get chicken nuggets on the way home and Chris wonders if the shadowy half-formed mom who lives in his most painfully closed-off memories ever offered to get him a Happy Meal-

“-what you're made for. The question I'm asking is who are you made for now?"

“No one,” Chris whispers, lips barely moving. “I’m… not made… for anyone anymore.”

He hates having to speak like this again. He hates it. They tell him his words aren’t bad, at home, that’s fine to be who he is, to speak how he speaks, they tell him he’s fine and it’s okay, and he’s fine he’s fine he’s fine.

“Mmmn, not true.” Sir reaches up, undoes the clip at the nape of Chris’s neck, his hair falling free in a shining, soft curtain that can’t hide him, not here, not now. “Look at how long your hair is. How awful.”

Chris closes his eyes as Sir’s fingers graze his cheekbone, tuck a bit of the blue behind his ear, trail the shell of his ear and back down the side of his neck. Every touch is a lit match against his skin, every second burns inside and out.

“I like it like this,” Chris says, fucking pathetic attempt at defiance, at standing up for himself, but it’s all he can manage. 

“Oh, beautiful boy,” Sir says, affection thick and condescending clogging Chris’s ears and his thoughts, oil that buries him and burns in his lungs. “Who has ever cared one whit what you like?”

“I do,” Jake says from behind Sir, his voice strong and loud and everything Chris’s voice can’t be in the moment. Chris watches Sir’s eyes widen in surprise and feels his own heart leap. “I care a lot, actually, and you’re going to need to step the fuck away from him before I show you exactly how much I care.”

Sir’s hand drops, and Chris takes in a deep breath, gulps in air as quickly as he can, falling back against the store’s exterior behind him with one hand reaching up to grab onto the feather pendant, rubbing quickly at the ridges carved into the deep blue plastic, while his other hand reaches back to feel the rough texture of the brick wall, rubbing the pads of his fingers there, focusing on the sensation.

Breathe in. Tap. Breathe out. Tap. Rub feather. Breathe in. Tap. Breathe Out. Tap.

Breathe. Breathe. Move.

“The keeper, I presume,” Sir says, holding out his hand to shake with a sunny, smooth Made-for-TV smile. 

Jake’s eyes rake down to Sir’s hand and back up again, chips of cold blue narrowing as he slowly sets the shopping bags in his hands down. He seems taller than ever, now, in his simple sage-green t-shirt and jeans next to Sir’s fussy pastel polo shirt and slack. They’re two separate lives that Chris has lived under two different names, represented by two men staring each other down in perfect silence.

After a moment’s pause, Sir drops his hand.

“I’m not his keeper,” Jake says, keeping his voice even. “It doesn’t work that way, Governor.”

“Mmmn, not my title any longer,” Sir says, a touch regretfully. 

“Yeah, and good goddamn riddance. I hope the charges stick,” Jake says flatly. Chris has no idea what he’s talking about, but something in Sir’s face goes colder, thoughtful. Considering Jake, the way he used to consider Chris, like they are just boys under a microscope, seen on a cellular level by men like Sir, designed for nothing else. 

“For his sake, you had best hope they don’t,” Sir says, still smooth as silk, but the coldness lingers, trails around the edges. 

“What the fuck does that mean?” 

Sir only smiles. Chris isn’t sure what the game was, exactly, but he knows that Jake has just lost it. “Nothing, keeper. How much does my boy cost to feed these days, anyway? I see you’ve got quite the haul, there.” He gestures, a languid motion, towards the pile of plastic bags Jake set on the pavement in front of the store. 

“He’s not your boy,” Jake says, evenly. His eyes skip to Chris - there’s a question there but Chris can’t remember quite how to answer it. Or how to speak at all. He rubs his fingers over the feather, back and forth, pressing into the lines carved in there as hard as he can. The brick wall is rough, soothing as his fingers dance along it. 

Finger-twist-tap-tap-tap. Finger-twist-tap-tap-tap. Finger-twist-tap-

“Don’t tell me you’ve picked that up again,” Sir says. He sounds disgusted. Chris can’t stop himself from glancing up to see the look of derision worn openly on his face. “You were so well trained, too.”

“Trained?” Jake’s voice is a ghost of sound, but something crackles in the whisper.

Chris’s face flushes bright red. He pulls his hand away from the wall and drops the feather, crossing his arms in front of himself, shoulders hunched nearly to his chin. He looks up, finding Jake watching him with a twist of pain showing on his own face. 

Chris has disappointed Jake, he thinks, by not being able to be stronger than this.

He closes his eyes against a rush of tears, tries to push them back. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry-

“You okay?” Jake asks, and there’s a hesitation, a word left unsaid. It occurs to Chris that Jake is trying not to say his name, while badly wanting to.

Chris just shakes his head, lips pressed together. If he tries to speak, he knows he’ll trip on all his words, and Sir will mock him for that, too. Instead he stays quiet, and still, and stares straight ahead. Just like he was trained to. Just like he used to.

Just like he did when Jake first met him. 

He’s not okay. He’s not, he’s not okay at all.

Help me.

His lips move to form the words but no sound comes out. Chris opens his eyes again to meet Jake’s, pleading with him. There aren’t any words, he can’t remember how to say them. There’s only the begging he can do without sound.

There’s only the way he can move his lips, all the fear catches the screaming and holds it inside the stillness.

Just like before.

Save me.

“That’s better,” Sir says, softy. “Now, beautiful boy, you just stay there being pretty while-”

“Oh, you can just go fuck yourself on like six rusty knives, you absolute son of a bitch-”

Jake throws the punch before either Chris or Sir can so much as react to the movement, and Chris flinches back with a cry when he sees Jake’s fist connect with Sir’s face, the look of open loathing he wears there as the man crumbles to the sidewalk.

Jake looks up, taking a deep breath. “Chris. Call Nat and tell her to bring the car. We need a fast ride home.”

Chris still can’t remember how to make the words happen out loud. There’s a static inside his head, too much it’s all too much, and he clutches onto the feather necklace at his chest, mouthing, why?

Jake knows the question he’s asking.

Jake gives him a half-cocked smile, closing his hand in a fist.

“Because I’m about to punch this asshole again.”

[catboymingi]

confessions

navi/masterlist

pairing: hongjoong x reader

genre: angst, fluff; requested!

word count: 1.8k

warnings: language maybe and some inappropriate behaviour

a/n: uses the member that didn’t debut w them simply because i cannot stand not having a happy ending (so if u wanted a sad ending please lmk!!!) but the plot i had did not allow for a happy ending if i used any other member

Hi!! Can i request a hongjoong angst when he just find out that the reader was had a relationship with other member? (In the past before they we dating)

you hadn’t wanted to hurt hongjoong, ever. that was why you hadn’t told him about your past relationship with junyoung, in the first place. you’d been high school sweethearts that ended on a bad note, and as soon as you saw junyoung hanging with a group of boys that obviously were the friends your boyfriend was so excited for you to meet you knew you couldn’t tell him. you didn’t want to be the reason why he saw his friend in a different light - junyoung having been jealous and possessive over you in high school didn’t have to affect how he treated hongjoong, and you didn’t want it to affect how hongjoong treated him. not even for junyoung’s sake, but because you knew that it would hurt the boy that had quickly become the most important person in your life. you knew he’d feel like he had to pick sides, and you couldn’t do that to him.

it came to bite you in the ass, however, when junyoung was still jealous even though you weren’t a couple anymore, hadn’t seen each other in years. whenever you’d come over to visit hongjoong (who, to your dismay, lived together with your ex and two other friends from the group that you came to like) the man would eye you with a weird expression, and try to catch you alone on your way to the toilet or the kitchen. you soon found yourself trying to avoid coming there altogether, but of course your love noticed, worrying about why you were distancing yourself. and even though you knew junyoung could be vile, at least in high school, you didn’t expect him to be as vile as he was, sowing doubts in his friend’s mind about you looking for someone else. this made your boyfriend worried, because while he trusted you you had undoubtedly been distancing yourself, and there had to be a reason. so he asked you to come over to talk, the tone of his message making it clear to you that it was important to him.

you knew you should have asked him to come to your place instead when your ex opened the door for you, greeting you with an expression that made you fear what was to come.

“hongjoong is in the shower”, he informed you, way too close for your liking, “so why don’t we make up?”

“no.” you couldn’t believe he was even suggesting this. did hongjoong mean nothing to him? their friendship? his feelings?

it didn’t seem so, because he continued: “he won’t have to know. and isn’t he a little too old anyway? he’s going to get boring.”

“we’re over with, junyoung, have been for years. just let it go.”

“but why didn’t you tell your pretty little boyfriend anything, hm? why didn’t you tell him that you used look at me the way you look at him, that you used to tell me all the sweet things you tell him, that you used to be with me before he even mattered? why didn’t you tell him, if not because some deep dark part of you still wants to get back with me?”

you were about to spit in his face, in all honesty, because he disgusted you, his words disgusted you, but the shocked, choked out sound coming from the hallway prevented you. there was hongjoong, who had obviously heard everything junyoung had said, and to him it had to feel like he was right, because you hadn’t told him, you’d kept your past relationship a secret from him, and it didn’t make sense otherwise. you’d always been so honest about all your fears and wishes, or he had, at least, feeling like the two of you could talk about anything. but apparently he’d been mistaken. apparently there had been something to hide from him. and it shocked him, more than the fact that you’d dated his friend in the past.

“hongjoong…”, you tried, but he turned around without saying a word, leaving you staring at the air where he’d just been.

“fuck you”, you hissed out at junyoung, running after your boyfriend because you wanted to make things right, at least try.

“joong?”, you asked, standing in front of his door but scared to enter. “can i come in?”

“why?”, his silent voice came from right in front of you - it sounded like he was standing in front of the door, like he’d collapsed as soon as he’d entered his room, his voice sounding weak with held back sobs.

“because you deserve an apology. and an explanation, if you want.”

“come.”

you stepped in, hesitantly, eyes on the frame right next to the door. he was sitting on the floor, as you’d suspected, face hidden from you. the way he looked so hurt had you wanting to hold him, to comfort him, to be close to him, but he probably didn’t want that right now, so you walked over to his bed and sat down there instead.

“i’m sorry, joong. junyoung and i used to date in high school, and i should have told you right away, you would have deserved this honesty.”

“do you still love him?” he sounded hurt, scared, heartbroken - everything but angry -, and it made your heart ache, made you wish you’d told him right from the start.

“i promise i don’t. i love you, i love you only. i’m sorry, but i promise i don’t.”

“but you didn’t tell me.”

“i didn’t. can i hug you, please? is that okay?”

he hesitated for a moment and you were about to feel your heart break, but then he opened his arms for you and you didn’t waste a single second, hurrying over and holding him tightly.

“i’m sorry, love, i’m sorry for hurting you.”

“why didn’t you say anything? didn’t tell me?” your boyfriend still wasn’t looking at you - he was hiding his tears, you knew he was because he only avoided looking at you when he was embarrassed about crying.

“we didn’t end on good terms, but because it’s been so long ago i didn’t think it would still matter. but i knew that if i’d told you, you’d want to know why we broke up, and of course that’s a normal question to ask! you’d be justified in asking. but i didn’t want you to feel like you’d have to choose between us, i really thought it would be fine.” your hand was in his hair, sometimes patting his head, sometimes combing it with your fingers, just trying to comfort him and let him know you were there.

“it wasn’t fine. you wouldn’t even come over anymore.” and first then did you realise that he’d noticed and that he’d worried and that you’d hurt him, that the secret you’d kept had hurt him. but you still didn’t know whether you could tell him exactly why.

“i couldn’t be around him. i should’ve invited you to come to my place more though. i’m so sorry for hurting you, joong. just know i didn’t want to, even if that doesn’t make it better.”

if possible, you would have pulled him right into your chest, into your physical chest, keeping him in your heart and having him protected by your ribcage like the little organ that always beat faster when you were around him.

“why couldn’t you be around him? what did he do?”

and though junyoung had tried his best to ruin your relationship you still didn’t want to tell hongjoong, didn’t want to feel like you were pitting him against his friend. that’s what he’d done, in high school, one of the reasons why you broke up with him in the first place.

your silence scared the man in your arms, though, finally looking at you with a worried expression.

“did he hurt you?”

“no! no, don’t worry, love, it’s not that. he just… tried to be around me all the time. gave me weird looks. and at some point i felt like yeosang and seonghwa were catching on, except to them it must’ve seemed like we were flirting. i couldn’t stand that. but i shouldn’t have neglected you like that.” and even though you wanted to keep holding him, have him in your arms, you removed your arms from around him in favour of putting your hands on his cheeks, making him look at you as you told him sternly: “you’re the most important person in my life, don’t forget that.”

“i love you” was his reply, which now left you on the verge of crying rather than him. you’d hurt him, you had, and he still loved you. he was too perfect for this world.

“i love you too. angel, baby, love, darling”, pressing a small kiss on his face with every pet name, “i love you. let’s go to bed, okay? it’s more comfortable.” though you in part also just wanted to be able to entirely wrap yourself around him.

the first few minutes of cuddling were spent in silence, but then hongjoong spoke up.

“i think i want junyoung to move out.”

surprised you looked up at his face. he seemed entirely calm, eyes closed, and you weren’t sure what to say. you didn’t want him to have to choose.

“i’ll come over either way, it’s fine”, you tried to reassure, but now he opened his eyes and looked at you on his chest.

“i don’t want him here anymore. i think the others won’t, either, if they know he’s been acting like that.”

“you’ll need a new tenant, joong. don’t rush it, okay? think about it.”

and he seemed to be thinking right in that moment already, brows furrowed as he hummed a little.

“would you want to move in? i know you’ve been looking to move out from the dorms, for a more long-term place, and you’d have your own room so it’s not like you wouldn’t have privacy or anything, and we’ve kind of talked about it before, it’s been jokes but we talked about moving in together. i don’t know?”

his suggestion was a little shocking, but you definitely weren’t opposed. maybe you’d consider it, once he’d thought about it a little more and checked in with his friends, and once you’d thought about it a little longer. you didn’t want to rush it and you weren’t going to rush it, but you did love him with all your heart, and living with him would either be really sweet or, much less likely, show you that you weren’t actually meant for each other.

“i’ll think about it, and you think about it too, okay? and then we’ll see.”

and though it wasn’t a yes it was close to one, close enough for him.

“we’ll see.”

and though he wouldn’t say that he was glad about this situation, and even though he most definitely would have preferred junyoung to not act the way he had, maybe he did owe the guy a ‘thank you’ for having accidentally played wingman.