#favorite merchant poll

[robotdragonfanatic]

Congratz to Vulgrim for continuing to be this fandom's favorite merchant!

[best-animated-short-tourney]

Choose Your Favorite!

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Where to find the shorts:

[sleepymarimo]

𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕣𝕞𝕠𝕣 (fantasy au!)

summary: you're to be wed in order to bring more greatness and glory to your kingdom. to narrow down your suitors, it's decided that they will participate in a jousting match. a particular jouster riding a reindeer and wielding three lances catches your attention. you really hope he wins... pairing: zoro x gn!reader cw: none (i think?), small bit of angst, but mostly some fantasy based fluff, helmeppo jumpscare an: thank you all for being patient with me! i hope you enjoy it. i don't really write fantasy so i hope it's alright! also why are there no gender neutral terms for prince/princess?! wc: 3.9k way longer than i expected it to be when i made the poll lol

the sun rises over strong stone walls, illuminating the beauty that is your kingdom. you're in a deep sleep, your expression relaxed. all of that changes when a multitude of royal attendants scurry inside, light flooding your room as the curtains are peeled open.

"good morning, your highness." one of them chirps, ushering you off of the plush bed. "today is the day! oh, aren't you excited?"

your eyes open and you need a second to adjust to it all, letting yourself be guided to who knows where. the light is blinding and disorienting, as are the hands on your back and shoulders pushing you towards the dressing room.

the day?

oh.

the day.

the fog in your head starts to clear and you register the commotion going on outside of the castle. the horns, the cheers, the utter liveliness of it all which contrasted with the dark pit growing in your stomach. with a quick sideways glance out a passing window, you confirm that today is in fact the day- the day of the jousting tournament which will determine who’ll take your hand and rule alongside you.

before you could even reply, another attendant, an older one who has been by your side since you were a child, grabs your hand and gives you a warm smile. "all the suitors will adore you, your grace. you'll make this kingdom so proud! whoever wins your hand is sure to be strong and worthy."

swallowing a lump of anxiety, you return her enthusiasm with only a small smile as you feign excitement. from there, you're prepared and pampered for the occasion.

multiple attendants step in and out of the lavish dressing room, carrying clothes and hair products and shoes and jewelry. measuring tape is wrapped around nearly every part of your body to ensure a proper fit, nothing allowed to be out of place for the big day. you're bathed and clothed and sprayed with an insane amount of fragrance.

hours later, when the sun is high in the sky, you're guided to the jousting grounds which lay just outside the castle.

armored escorts surround you, ensuring your safety and holding the crowds at bay. the many citizens smile and wave as you pass by. you return their gestures with polite greetings of your own, satisfied with their trust in you.

your eyes glance towards the large stone walls which surround the kingdom. tapestries line them, colored in your favorite hue and sporting the insignia of the kingdom. the jousting arena is bustling with nobles, clergy, merchants and citizens. on a platform, above the rest of the stands, is where your parents sit and await your presence.

they're sitting tall and proud, oblivious to the unease growing within you.

your steps are a little awkward as you make your way to your seat, one of your undergarments having been fitted a little too tightly. it was almost impossible to relax your muscles unless you wanted seams digging into your flesh. when you finally reach your seat, nestled between those of your parents, you give them each a respectful nod and put into practice those lessons in formality they made you partake in.

"mother. father." you greet, taking your seat. shifting, you take a second to find a comfortable position before sitting tall and placing your hands neatly in your lap.

your mother's eyes lighten up, a hand coming up to gently pinch at your cheek. "oh, don't you just look so darling..." she coos, humming in approval as she eyed your attire and hair.

crossing his arms, your father simply states your name as a way of greeting you. his focus is on the arena, which is still being prepared. the jousters aren't anywhere to be seen. presumably, they're in the stables adjacent to the arena and preparing their lances and steeds for the upcoming matches.

"this kingdom needs someone strong." your father muses, casting a glance in your direction. "be prepared to take the hand of the one who wins this tournament. remember, it's not just nobility that are participating- this was an open invitation event, free to any and all who deem themselves worthy."

feeling uneasy, you just nod. with a shaky breath, you patiently wait for the jousters to line up in the arena.

it's a half hour later when all the contenders are lined up on their steeds, lances up and sitting tall as they await the introductory announcement. you're stunned by the number of potential suitors. there were at least fifty. you can't blame them for wanting a shot at the throne.

musicians blow their horns, playing a welcoming tune, before a royal attendant clears their throat and begins to speak.

"ladies and gentleman!" they announce, their voice ringing through the arena. "today, we will be witnessing a jousting tournament which will decide who will take the hand of-"

"hold it!" comes a high pitched voice, sounding displeased and almost whiny.

the crowd's attention turns to a lanky looking blond man with a cleft chin, who sits atop a white steed. he wears armor that looks much too big for his scrawny form, his expression disgusted.

the crowd breaks into hushed murmurs and mumbles, recognizing the man. "that's prince helmeppo!" one of the bystanders exclaims.

he raises a hand and points it toward another jouster, his tone sharp. "that jouster wields three lances!" he huffs, eyes narrowing as he puffed his chest. "and he rides atop a reindeer instead of a horse! dear king, i believe that he is at an advantage and should be disqualified."

your brows rise at the, well, audacity of this man. it sends a shiver down your spine to think that he was a potential suitor.

the attention of yourself and the entire crowd then turn towards the supposed three lanced jouster, who looks tense. he wears a steel helmet with a visor, so you can't exactly see his face.

"huh?" he exclaims, caught off guard by the sudden attention. "why're you talkin' about me for?"

the blond laughs upon hearing the jouster's informal manner of speech. "oh, you're just a commoner! no wonder!"

the unknown jouster and prince helmeppo exchange verbal blows until your father stands up from his seat and puts an end to it. "enough!" he orders, the arena falling silent. he looks between the two men, eyes narrowing at the reindeer and three lances. "it is true that your style of jousting is...odd. it may put others at a disadvantage."

the jouster tightens his grip on one of his lances, his frustration evident.

"if it were up to me, i'd have you disqualified. however, it is not my hand you'll be taking." your father says, gesturing to you. everyone's attention is on you, including the jouster, and you squirm in your seat, your face warm. "your highness, make a choice."

your mouth feels dry and you focus your attention on the jouster. even though you can't see his face or his expression, you swear you catch a glimpse of his steel gaze from behind the eyeholes of his helmet.

"i..." you let out a sigh and straighten up, your voice firm. "i will allow the jouster to participate in the tournament!"

cheers ensue, and so does the tournament.

the matches are all riveting. the sound of steel on steel reverberates through the air. people yell in excitement, clap their hands and make it known that they have favorites. you're on the edge of your seat the whole time, but your focus is on him.

the jouster with the three lances.

his style is interesting, almost captivating to watch. he holds a lance in each hand and lifts his visor just enough to place the last one in his mouth. it gives you a glimpse of his strong jaw and nose, the rest of his face a complete mystery to you.

every match he takes seriously, not caring much for taunts or mind games. his posture is consistently strong and poised- a true warrior. you wonder if he truly is a commoner and not a knight in disguise.

he takes out competitor after competitor. unfortunately (and you don't know how), so does prince helmeppo. before you know it, it's the time of the final match.

the two men are on their respective steeds, staring each other down from across the arena as the announcer gives a final speech. the crowd is on edge, a good majority of them rooting for prince helmeppo while a designated few display their fondness towards the reindeer riding mystery jouster.

the announcer raises a horn, about to signal the start of the match.

however, before he can do so, the sound of thunder echoes throughout the kingdom. the crowd audibly sighs in disappointment, the pitter pattering of the rain drowning out cheers and music.

both the jousters lower their lances, their postures relaxing.

the king grunts in displeasure, rising from his seat and acknowledging the spectators, as well as the final two contenders. "the match will be postponed. we will continue tomorrow at approximately midday." he pauses, thinking over something before he goes on. "a celebration will be held in the castle to compensate for such a delay. you are all welcome to join."

your father's invitation seems to reignite the earlier enthusiasm, and the crowd slowly starts to make their way towards the castle.

guiding you back are your armored escorts, who urge you to return to the safety and warmth of the castle walls. while being guided away, you can't help but look back at the finalists.

prince helmeppo speaks with his royal attendants, commanding them to take off his armor and bring him some dry clothes. his attitude towards his servants makes your nose wrinkle in displeasure.

the other jouster, though, doesn't seem to have any attendants or other individuals with him. he doesn't seem to mind the rain either, patting his reindeer and feeding it... cotton candy?

you don't have time to question it, as one of your escorts ushers you forward.

in the castle, a grand dinner is held for the people and jousters. the whole banquet hall is alive with food and music and drinks. it's a little overwhelming having so many people come up to you, but you do well to stay strong and treat them with kindness.

it's made all the worse when prince helmeppo comes your way, giving you a smile that makes your stomach ache. really, how is this guy a finalist?

"your grace." he all but purrs, kissing your hand for a bit too long. "i look forward to winning your hand tomorrow. i can assure that i'll treat you well."

your laugh is forced, but he can't seem to tell. you quickly retract your hand and subtlety wipe it on your clothes. "you're too kind..." you tell him, voice strained. "i, uh, need to attend to some royal matters..."

with that, you scurry off.

since the festivities were so lively, you were quickly able to evade the attention of your escorts and your parents. with light steps, you navigate through the castle walls and sneak out via passageways used by the servants.

it's late when you finally make your way to the stables, finding solace in the silence. since most of the citizens were in the banquet hall, you didn't worry much about being seen. you remember prince helmeppo's words and shiver in disgust. honestly, you preferred the company of the horses at this point- at least they weren't as snobby.

as you walk through the stables, petting some of the friendlier palace horses, you hear a bleat a few stalls down.

your eyes widen when you catch sight of the reindeer, curiosity taking over as you carefully approach him. it looks just as interested in you, it's head tilting while it stomps the ground with its hooves. on the stall, the name 'chopper' is engraved into the wood. a piece of metal reflects the moonlight and you realize that one of his horns had, at some point, fallen off before being reattached.

one of your hands raises to touch the cool metal and you let out an appreciative hum when you realize just how sturdy it seemed. did the jouster patch him up? perhaps he was sweeter than he-

"what are you doing?" comes a familiar, gruff sounding voice from behind you.

the cool metal suddenly feels burning hot and you quickly pull away, holding your hands in front of you as a bout of nervousness strikes through your core. how did you not hear the sound of clinking armor? you don't turn around, not having the guts to do so.

"sorry!" you say quickly, clearing your throat as you revert back to your formal self. "i mean, my apologies, jouster. i was simply-"

he exhales, the sound rattling in his chest and seeming to echo in his helmet. "you don't have to do all...that." he says, referring to your scripted, overly formal words. "it's fine."

he seems oddly calm for being in the presence of a royal.

the muscles in your shoulders relax and you allow yourself to slump slightly. you turn around and, as you thought, he's still fitted in his armor and helmet. now that you were in front of him, you noticed just how massive he was. for a second, you're almost intimidated, remembering that you're alone and without any escorts.

"i... i didn't see you at the banquet." you state, curious to learn more about the enigmatic jouster. after all, he could very well be the one to take your hand tomorrow.

he shrugs, nonchalant as ever as he took a step closer to chopper and placed a hand on the reindeer's head. "went to a tavern."

his blunt response pulls a thoughtful hum from you, leaving you unsure of what to think.

when it came down to it, it was either him or helmeppo. as of right now, you just felt trapped. you knew that by this time tomorrow, you would arranged to marry one of them.

something about that thought has you feeling a little too vulnerable, enough to want to hide your face from him. you enter one of the empty stalls and rest your weight on the wooden walls, sliding down until you were sat on the floor.

you didn't care that your clothes would grow dirty. you didn't care that some of the hay was digging uncomfortably into your skin. your head and heart were too full for you to really give it much mind.

"why're you doing this?" you ask with slight resignation in your voice, hoping you wouldn't offend or anger him. "the title? the berries?"

for a second, he doesn't answer.

his armor clinks together as he moves, then you feel a pressure on your back as the wood gets pushed inward. you quickly realize that he's sitting on the other side of the stall, right behind you.

you're back to back, so close yet just out of reach.

the next thing you register is the sound of his helmet sliding off. his action is a little surprising and it makes your heart skip a beat. you really wanted to see his face...

"i don't care about any of those royal titles." he says with a hint of indignation. his voice is clear now, not muffled by his helmet. the deep and rough timbre of it catches you a little off guard. "the only title i want is that of the world's greatest jouster."

your eyes widen a bit, before your brows furrow. "so, you want the berries?"

he sighs in frustration, armor clanking together as he crossed his arms. "i don't want-" he stops for a moment, clicking his tongue and taking a deep breath. his tone is notably softer when he speaks, more calculated. "the arena where i learned to joust is being shut down. my old mentor can't afford it, so i'm doing this to get the berries and..."

from there he trails off, but it's pretty clear what his intentions are. you imagine all the other jousters in training, children who won't be able to practice their beloved sport. you can't help but feel a great deal of respect for the jouster, even if he seemed a little rough around the edges.

yet, the notion is also so over the top. becoming a king just to keep an arena running? he'd really be willing to bear the weight of being a royal, just for all the young jousters in training?

the utter absurdity of it has you chuckling ever so slightly in disbelief.

"somethin' funny?" he asks with an underlying note of exasperation, getting defensive.

"no, not at all." you reassure, finding yourself smiling uncontrollably. your voice softens, true admiration lacing your next words. "i think it's very noble of you."

your words stun him into silence. if you could see him, you'd have a clear picture of his clenched jaw and reddened cheeks.

some amount of minutes pass, the distant sounds of the celebration ringing through the air. your head races with thoughts about the future. this jouster had earned your respect, that much was certain.

with a sigh, you make your decision.

"i'll give you the berries." you say, determined and unwavering. "i'll talk with my father and have them sent to the arena.”

his surprise is evident as he quickly straightens his posture, armor clinking together in a frenzy. then, it's quiet. his voice cuts through the thick air, more gentle than you've ever heard it.

"why?" he asks, not understanding your intentions. he wasn't used to free hand outs, especially from royalty such as yourself. everything he had was earned, and he liked it that way.

"because you need it." you reply simply, digging your fingers into your clothes until your knuckles turned white. you realize that with this choice, helmeppo would ultimately be taking your hand. "you don't have to show up tomorrow. go home and help your students."

he lets out a small grunt, a hint of irritation and wariness in his tone. "and you?"

even though you know he can't see it, you shrug your shoulders. you resign to your fate, knowing that your happiness was never guaranteed. it's a role you take with a heavy heart, but you find some solace knowing that others will benefit from your sacrifice.

"i'm sure i'll get my happily ever after." you say with some self-depreciation, smiling at the ceiling. "eventually."

there's silence, then more silence.

finally, you hear the familiar sound of his armor shuffling together as he stood and made his way towards his reindeer companion. you can hear him prepare the reigns and open the stall door. the sound of hooves echo through the wooden walls as he guides the reindeer outside, but there's a pause.

"thanks." he says, genuine and grateful.

you bite at the meat of your inner cheek, keeping your voice strong. "you're welcome, sir...uh-"

"zoro." he interjects, sliding his helmet back on. "roronoa zoro."

"zoro." you echo back, smiling as you said his name.

he walks off, until you can't hear the sounds of armor or hooves. dropping your head, you let yourself cry.

the night passes slowly, time crawling by at a snail's pace. a sense of defeat is instilled within you as the sun starts to rise. when your attendants dress you, you even tell them to get you clothes which coordinate with the colors of helmeppo's kingdom.

the arena is packed, everyone eager to witness the spectacle. but you know what the outcome will be.

helmeppo is on one side of the arena, gracefully sat on his steed as he awaited the arrival of his competitor. when his opponent doesn't show up, spectators begin to murmur and gossip. after twenty minutes pass, there's no need to go on any further.

the announcer clears his throat, musicians preparing to play a closing tune in light of a winner being chosen.

your eyes close as the announcer begins to speak.

"by reason of absence, we have chosen to disqualify-"

"hold on!" comes a familiar voice, the crowd gasping as the jouster approached on his reindeer. his armor rises and falls, as if he's taking deep breaths. it goes silent and his next words are eagerly anticipated by many. would he make some sort of declaration? a noble speech of redemption?

his arm comes up to rub the back of his helmet as he clears his throat. "i got lost."

some spectators boo at him.

your breath catches in your throat and your lips tremble. he came back?

the exhale that leaves you is shaky, full of relief. zoro takes his place on the other side of the arena, steeling himself and giving chopper a solid pat on the side.

"i ain't gonna run from a damn fight." he growls, readying his lances. “gotta finish this the right way.”

helmeppo is more than displeased, already preparing for a win. he raises his lance and the spectators hold their breaths. the announcer lifts his hand and starts the count, then the two men charge at each other.

you watch as they get closer and closer, lances drawn, but as they're about to make contact, you can't help but close your eyes.

a metallic thud.

silence.

then, cheers.

when you open your eyes, a smile grows on your face when you catch sight of zoro sitting proudly on his cotton candy loving steed. his three lances are still poised and ready, his armor shining in the sunlight.

the announcer declares a winner and you're given permission to head down to the arena. you pay no mind to helmeppo, who lays on the ground and throws a fit.

zoro hops off his steed when he sees you approaching, tucking away his lances.

when you're in front of him, your voice is barely above a whisper, trembling and just loud enough for him to hear. "thank you. you could've just taken the berries… you didn’t have to-”

he huffs out a laugh, hands coming up to remove his helmet. your expression falters in awe. that's what was underneath the whole time?

"yeah, well, you don't make bein' royalty seem so bad." he coolly replies, rolling out his shoulders with a gruff exhale. "and i sure as hell wouldn't wanna marry that dolt of a prince."

his moss-green hair is slightly slicked back from the helmet, a light sheen of sweat on his face. you meet his steel gaze, warmth spreading in your chest. your eyes trail over his face and he seems to sense your surprise, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

"think i'll make a good king?" he asks, a tad smug as he tucked his helmet under one of his arms.

his question has you letting out a laugh, your worries dissipating into nothing but excitement for the future. "i think we can make it work, your highness."

he rolls his eye and extends a hand toward you, palm facing upwards. you take it and he offers you a lopsided grin, giving your hand a quick squeeze. his gaze shifts to your clothes and he lets out a playful scoff, bringing you closer.

"by the way, you'd look a lot better in green."

and you lived happily ever after...

thank you for reading!!

[web-novel-polls]

WN Women Bonus Polls #2: MXTX

[Propaganda below] - Spoilers Warning!

A-Qing from Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation / MDZS

Submission: Incredibly clever. Fakes blindness to survive as a street orphan and pickpocket people. Successfully deceives a magnificent liar into believing she's really blind for years. Tries to hinder said liar's schemes and save people from him even after she's dead and actually blind and unable to speak. 

Jiang Yanli from Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

 “Madam, A-Xian is my younger brother. Him being humiliated by others, to me, isn’t just a small matter.”

Submission: She is the sweetest person to ever exist. She's a wonderful big sister to her brother Jiang Cheng and her shidi/adoptive brother Wei Wuxian. She is not just a sister but also very maternal to them, as her parents are not the best. She is also the mother of Jin Ling, but sadly died before she could raise him. Her husband, Jin Zixuan, died in a confrontation with Wei Wuxian, but she did not blame him and even sacrificed herself for him. She would've made the best mother to Jin Ling, just as she was the best sister to Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian. She also makes the best soup ever. I would die to taste her soup. Then I would come back to life because that's how much the soup nurtures you. 

Jian Lan from Heaven Official’s Blessing / TGCF

Submission: She has unconditional love for her very disgusting and disturbing undead fetus child. That's a mother right there. 

Wiki Link

Ling Wen from Heaven Official’s Blessing / TGCF

[No Propaganda Submitted] 

One of the Three Tumors - three Heavenly Officials that have some of the worst reputations after Xie Lian (“the laughing stock of the three realms”) - and was accused of, like, killing a dude or smth but was accepted back into Heaven on the sole basis that she’s the only administratively competent god

Liu Mingyan from The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Submission: Head disciple of Xian Shu Peak. Said to be so beautiful she wears a veil over her face so as to not distract others. Writes popular erotic fanfiction about her older brother's shixiong/her shibo and his male disciple. 

Luo Qingyang (Mianmian) from Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Submission: She stood up against a whole bunch of powerful men and dared to speak a different opinion. Then she just up and left the cultivation world because she had no more time for their bullshit. At the end of the novel, she's a rogue cultivator married to a former merchant with her own daughter named Mianmian. We should all be like her. 

Mod Propaganda: 

Highly principled and strong-willed. Immediately left her clan after they mocked her for supposedly having feelings for Wei Wuxian when she literally just mentioned he didn't kill indiscriminately. Now living her best life as a rogue cultivator with her husband and child.

She saw the injustice of her own clan firsthand and decided, “I'm not going to be a part of this. You're not listening to me, so fuck y'all.” And honestly, based. 

Wiki Link

Ning Yingying from The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System 

Submission: She goes through great character development. At first, she's dense and kind of annoying, even a little selfish. But she grows up to be a strong, intelligent, and intuitive woman. 

Additional Propaganda

Sha Hualing from The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Submission 1: I can't stand her and yet I love her. What does that tell you? 

Submission 2: her cringefail losergirl swag <3 girlie constantly in situations and she put herself into most of them 

Mod Propaganda

A fierce demon who attacked the Cang Qiong Mountain sect in SVSSS and became one of Luo Binghe’s wives in Proud Immortal Demon Way who often fought with Liu Mingyan and Qin Wanyue

My fav description of her is something along the lines of, “trying to be the steal-your-man girl who fails about it so badly” 

She’s ambitious, she’s ruthless, she’s intelligent -  If you support women’s rights, you should also support women’s wrongs (/light-hearted) 

Su Xiyan from The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

[No propaganda submitted]

Additional Propaganda #1

Additional Propaganda #2

Wen Qing from Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Submission: She is everything! She doesn't get enough screen time in the novel, but that proves just how amazing she is to make such an impression in spite of it. She is a great big sister, to both her brother Wen Ning and the protagonist Wei Wuxian. She is stern but kind. She's a doctor. She throws needles at people. She's everything! 

Previous Propaganda (MXTX Side Characters Tournament):

Submission 1: Doctor, mad scientist, war criminal, protective big sister... she has the range!! Submission 2: Wen Qing my beloved!! She did surgery on a grape. Mad genius for real. Also a loving sister with a very sharp tongue and maybe no sense of how far is too far. Can't wait for them to find her alive in a Koi Tower basement! Submission 3: Justice for my girl!!!!  Submission 4: She's bitchy and pragmatic and cares deeply and did an unprecedented operation (experimental and nonconsensual!), what's not to love? Also she deserved better. 

Yushi Huang from Heaven Official’s Blessing / TGCF

Submission: She slit her own throat to save her country. She's very compassionate and always willing to help others. She also gives people vegetables. 

Additional Propaganda: 

Additional propaganda for Yushi Huang:  She's so competent that she's got the womanzier of the series consistently on the back foot, and she doesn't even care to notice.  She's here to dish out rain and that's it.     

[kpmeat]

poll moment

minor factions only. like, groups that aren't even considered at the battle of hoover dam and may or may not be in the ending slideshow.

[korrasamibottles]

Pictures and descriptions under the cut!

1. Monk Gyatso. Aang's kindly old mentor from before the war.

2. Earth Kingdom Herbalist. Has a troublesome cat and tells Aang where to find medicinal frogs.

3. Gran Gran/Kanna. Katara and Sokka's grandmother. Left the NWT to escape an arranged marriage to Pakku who I'm just now realizing I forgot to add to the poll but whatever it's too late now.

4. Uncle Iroh. We all know this guy. People who've never watched atla know this guy.

5. King Bumi. Aang's friend from before the war who grew up to be freakishly muscular and completely batshit.

6. Li and Lo (package deal). Twins and advisors of the Fire Nation royal family. Their only purpose seems to have been to serve cunt and get banished by Azula. I don't know which is which and neither does anyone else.

7. Jeong Jeong. Firebending master, army deserter, and the world's crankiest old man 10 years running.

8. Piandao. Master swordsman who deserted the army but is nevertheless able to live right under Ozai's nose because he's just that good. Teaches Sokka the art of self-esteem I mean swordfighting.

9. Cabbage Merchant. Everyone's favorite overworked king. Probably cuts his weed with dried cabbage let's be real.

10. Dock aka Xu aka Bushi. Resident of a small fishing village being polluted by a Fire Nation weapons factory until Katara blows it the fuck up. He's a different guy every time he changes his hat and I think that's great.

[gwydpolls]

Shakespeare Genre Battle: Comedies 1

I'm doing all of them. Don't worry if yours isn't in this poll.

I am including some things with disputed authorship and apocrypha just because.

[hawkepockets]

tags below the cut. join in with your own polls!

@wyldblunt @twilightdomain @nurllius @commanderhorncleaver @commander-gloryforge @dotmander @sunsrefuge @brightwingedbat @dalennaugw @vampiricsheep @ratasum @little-leaf-man @legavo @commanderfloppy @astralarias @jollycryptid @just-eyris-things @legendary-alliance-stance @legendary-assassin-stance @vigilbutts @red-wood-reaper @ecunderbase @manasurge @nullvoidface @shroomlet @sleidog @mabaki @ruderubicante @gooseplumes @torchlight @where-is-caithe @pyppyn @morgacht @magistersieran @jaded-cactus @ash-trash @lofilesbo @moth-tea-merchant @damazcuz @prismaticaurene @starseers-garden @commanderyes @commander-titania @ruafaoladh @jewishzevran @carlsdraws @skauing @mageofholyandraste @anteaterisland @i-mybrunettelady @kerra-and-company

[somethingclevermahogony]

Favorite Character Poll (Antagonist Edition)

I was kinda (but not really) tagged by @illarian-rambling.

I'm curious to see who y'all vote as your favorite villain/antagonist from Testaments is.

Descriptions Below!

Hutbari

The Usurper, in his youth he was handsome, strong, and charismatic. Using these traits he usurped the throne of Labisa, chasing the current king into exile, killing the crown prince, and culling any lords that did not agree with his rule. The past king just so happened to be Hutbari's brother, Kurush. While initially popular, he grew lazy and greedy, becoming increasingly careless with his use of the city's funds and his treatment of the hinterlands. He is a womanizing, greedy layabout, only those lords who have managed to wriggle into his good graces actually appreciate his rule. Poverty is worse than it has ever been. monsters are terrorising the hinterlands, and yet Hutbari continues his frivolous parades. Major Henry VIII vibes. He is the one that through years of emotional abuse, has made Narul the self-loathing and anxious wreck that he is.

Akard

Hutbari's past coming back to bite him in the ass. The child of the exiled Kurush, Akard swore vengeance on Hutbari. He lead a coup on Labisa, killing Hutbari and all but one of his children, Ninma. He is the opposite of Hutbari. Akard is noble and clever, beloved by his people. He is driven by an ambition to repair the perceived mistakes of his ancestors. Ultimately he aims to reunite the city-states of Kishetal back into one kingdom. Cyrus and Alexander the Great Vibes. He is more of an antagonist than a straight up villain, if it wasn't for the fact that he has a vested interest in killing Ninma, he would probably be considered a good(ish) guy.

Zatar

Once a street urchin, Zatar is now a merciless warrior, the most deadly in all of Kishetal. He is practically a force of nature. He takes great pleasure in killing and excels at it. He has no loyalty except to Akard, to whom he has an almost fanatic appreciation bordering on infatuation. Zatar, called The Wrath, strikes terror into the heart of any warrior or army that faces him. Zatar is one of the few people, by themselves, that could kill Narul with relative ease.

Barunaki

Barunaki is king of the city of Bur, a vassal of Labisa. He is a grizzled old warrior, mind sharpened by years of fighting off Makurian raiders. He was integral in helping Akard plan and carry out his coup. It was Barunaki, without Akard's permission, who led a group of soldiers to the palace, and slaughtered Hutbari's wives and children (Ninma was sparred only because she had accompanied her father to the festival and Narul saved her.) It was also Barunaki who planted the seeds of paranoia in Akard's head that led to him spending the years hunting Ninma.

Wadikir

Wadikir is the leading member of the council of merchants, the Bidani, that controls the city-state of Chibal. He is clever and charming, though incredibly vain. He dresses in silver and silk and has a taste for expensive wine. He has a proclivity for stabbing people in the back, including Narul and Ninma when they visit his city. He is self-centred and smug, and constantly believes he is the smartest person in the room. Picture Evil(er) Elon Musk, but give him more charisma and make him ambiguously queer.

The Deep Sun

An ancient demon, born of a nature spirit which fed and desecrated souls of his fellow spirits, collected as fuel for a human doomsday bunker for the wealthy and powerful during the apocalyptic events of The Calamity. He snuck into their bunker and consumed the energy of the murdered spirits, in the process growing vastly more powerful and changing into a conglomeration of different spiritual energies. He would then spend the next several millennia terrorizing the occupants of the bunker. Drowning them in darkness, destroying their food, turning them in time to the mindless and cannibalistic, Kosheki. He is their only source of light, their god. Before the Kosheki lost the ability to speak, they gave him the name, Deep Sun. The Deep Sun and his Kosheki have been praying on the ships and sailors who dare to come to close to their island for centuries.

Batricca

Batricca is the Immortal Queen of the Empire of the Batri, far to the north. Long ago she was part of an orchestrated attempt by her grandfather to create an heir by forcing his daughter to bear a spiritblood child. Batricca's mother died in childbirth and her grandfather was disappointed to find that the resulting demigod child was a girl. Batricca was given the same name as her dead mother. Batricca was initially intended to be married off in order to bolster her grandfather's influence. Instead she killed her grandfather and her husband to be. Following this, as the new Queen she went on to conquer many of the northern tribes. She now rules over numerous cities, attacking them from time to time as a form of entertainment. She supports the construction of better defences and technology for these cities, only so that they will be more difficult for her to conquer the next time. She has had many children, though she only allows the women to live, killing her male-born children as infants. Her daughters serve to bolster her power, either throw diplomatic marriage, or by serving as her personal guard. Her blood flows through the veins of many of Kobani's greatest warriors, including Zatar.

Tagging a bunch of ya because I want to get a good sample size! If you wanna do this too feel free!

@illarian-rambling, @mk-writes-stuff, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @willtheweaver, @patternwelded-quill

@elsie-writes, @elizaellwrites, @the-ellia-west, @the-octic-scribe, @the-golden-comet

@finickyfelix, @theprissythumbelina, @autism-purgatory, @diabolical-blue , @tildeathiwillwrite

@winterandwords, @phoenixradiant, @pluttskutt

@dyrewrites, @unrepentantcheeseaddict, @roach-pizza, @rivenantiqnerd, @pluppsauthor

@flaneurarbiter, @dezerex, @axl-ul, @surroundedbypearls

[antiloquist]

I'm bored, have a Dredge poll:

[robotdragonfanatic]

Since I'm doing my Merchant bit and all. Trainers & Crafters not included.

Also, the last option is because I have a bad memory so, sorry if I missed someone

[whumpninja]

Ask Me About…Medieval Fantasy Whump!

Hear ye, hear ye! By order of His/Their Majesty Jack Ninja, the good people of Whumpcommunityshire shall be bestowed with ye olde medieval fantasy ask game, handcrafted to match this most illustrious genre. Any and all whump blogs are hereby royally invited to reblog! Foresooth and alas, and so on!

Okay, that’s enough of that. Here’s the second game for this project…three days late, but who’s counting? I’m taking suggestions for next week’s- while this Friday’s is decided, after it goes up I’m going to start doing polls to pick the next genre. So if you have an idea, send it in! Major genres only please, don’t get too specific- save that for the custom ask games! Which are still going up. Eventually.

Warning: these are whumpy questions, so they involve some dark content! Torture, weapons, et cetera.

Taglist: @sleepyiswhumping

QUESTIONS FOR WHUMPEE

🥘- what’s your favorite meal in your medieval world? How long has it been since you had it?

👑- what do you think of the current ruler? If you are the current monarch, what do you think of the common folk?

⛓️- have you ever been locked in a dungeon/put in the stocks/undergone medieval torture/some other historical type of punishment?

🦄- have you ever seen a wondrous beast (unicorn, dragon, griffin, etc.)? If you haven’t (or if your world doesn’t have them) which one would you like to see one day?

🧚- have you ever been hurt with magic?

🍻- do you have friends or family still alive? How long has it been since you’ve seen them?

🧜- can you use magic? If not, what would you do if you could?

QUESTIONS FOR WHUMPER

🧪- what’s the worst/your favorite medieval thing you’ve ever done to Whumpee?

🏰- where do you live? A castle? A manor? A townhouse? A shack?

🫅- what class do you fit into in the feudal system? Are you a peasant, a merchant, a member of the clergy, a knight, a noble, or perhaps even royalty?

⚔️- what weapons do you know how to wield?

🔮- what’s your opinion on magic?

🛡️- do you have minions/henchpeople/underlings/an army?

♟️- are you a good strategist?

QUESTIONS FOR CARETAKER

🕯️- how did you rescue/first meet Whumpee?

🧙- do you know any healing magic/spells? If magic doesn’t exist in your world, do you believe in any folk healing practices/old wives’ tales?

🧌- what would you do if you encountered Whumper?

🫖- how do you feel about the rich/the nobility/royalty?

🍞- can you cook? What’s your favorite thing to cook, if you can? If not, what’s your favorite thing to eat? Have you made it for Whumpee yet?

🧝‍♂️- do you have any non-human blood in you? If not, do you know anyone who does? If your world only has humans, what’s your favorite story about mystical creatures?

🏹- do you have any experience with weapons?

[glutko]

It's time for a CD-i Zelda character poll!

Quick Reference:

Links: (Main/popular characters) (Bosses) (Faces of Evil side-characters)

[cleolinda]

Weekend Links, March 17, 2024

My posts

We have had another Trespasser Weirdness Incident at my house, so. Suffice it to say that the Hot & Vintage Movie Women tournament is my primary coping mechanism at this point, and bless @hotvintagepoll for all their work. All 257 polls are up, although many of them have already closed on a rolling basis these last two weeks. Hedy Lamarr vs Sonja Henie was the very last one, and it is a blowout like I have not seen since the time I asked if people throw away their movie theater trash. I think round 2 starts a week from Monday? I would like to apologize for reblogging every single poll, except that I’m not the least bit sorry. 

I posted propaganda several times--sometimes just because a contestant didn’t have much and I wanted to chip in (still in play: Juanita Moore and Martha Sleeper). But I also showed up specifically for Norma Shearer, Claire Bloom, Tallulah Bankhead, Deborah Kerr, a little bit for Joan Fontaine (poll here), Julie Christie (on my mom’s behalf), Gene Tierney, Paulette Goddard, and Ava Gardner. My loyalties will shift as we see who progresses, but I'm wearing the Ava jersey at this point.

Reblogs of interest

A couple of serious links:

The Jewish filmmakers who won an Oscar for The Zone of Interest, a Holocaust film, used their speech time to condemn what’s happening in Gaza. (It helps to read the quote as “as men who refute {their Jewishness and the Holocaust} being used as justification.” “Refute their Jewishness” jumps out weirdly at first glance and confused people.)

I can’t tell if the JKR defender/Holocaust denier in this ask knows they’re lying or just really didn’t know that transgender health books and surgery did, in fact, exist, and that the Nazis targeted them. If you need photographic evidence for future discussions, here you are. Side note: Don't believe everything your favorite childhood author tells you.

Posts that are not serious links or hot lady polls:

Of course, this week we celebrated the Ides of March. (Happy birthday to... Chocolate Guy Amaury Guichon??) Featuring:

Southern Mark Antony

If Mark Antony was Gen Z

“Oh not you as well, Brutus!”

Also, happy birthday this fine St. Patrick’s Day to Hozier, who was on the Wiggles once, and has a new EP coming out this Friday. Please join me in not being the least bit normal about it. 

The bredlik that the Fairy vs. Walrus debate needed

“Started tone matching my Iraqi corner store guy,” bless everyone involved

A fanfic summary that will hit you like a brick to the face

“Intrigue, Ink, and Drama Grip the Fountain Pen Community”

The Arthur Conan Doyle approach to fic comments

The Kate Middleton Mysteries (”The extent to which this is not Philip Marlowe’s problem is unbelievable”)

Noted power couple/chaos elementals Merchant Ivory

Help improving color in your art

Doggust 2023: the art of Jonathan Wesslund  

Video

Honestly the best part of “I’m Just Ken” at the Oscars for me is Margot Robbie fighting for her life not to laugh

This domino project is honestly really upsetting to me, lmao (THE TIME IT MUST HAVE TAKEN!!)

Death: the bees told her

Puma chirps

A seal’s relaxing ice bath

The sacred texts

The reason we celebrate the Ides of March on Tumblr

Happy birthday to the Old as Balls gifset

A cat’s dating profile

Personal tag of the week

pixel art, because there are some incredible artists on here.

[kyne-grotto]

Bonus Match: Assassin vs. Merch

Left:

Name: Simplekiller (also known as assassin)

Age: 40-45

Job: crime, assassinations,occasionally a mechanic.

How They Come Off to Most People: friendly uncle vibes, to enemies? silent . cold killer.

Have They Ever Flushed a Hotdog: no.

Favorite Colors: blue and red

Have They Ever Killed Before: a lot. Usually just hired to.

Do they play an instrument: yes. guitar, used to know trumpet, ended up forgetting.

Entrance:

they enter most situations casually.

neatly signs the register and join because “competitions are fun!” then proceed to order a small lasagna in an aluminum tray. Eating it properly and sitting patiently down in the common room, a gleeful smile across their face as they await and see what happens Right:

Name: Merch

Age: 36

Job: Merchant, ex-policeman

How They Come Off to Most People: Charming, polite. A cunning salesman, but an honest one.

Have They Ever Flushed a Hotdog: Who in there right mind would? No.

Favorite Colors: Blue, Brown,

Have They Ever Killed Before: N/A

Do they play an instrument: No

Entrance:

Merch makes his way into the hastily thrown together Event Hall. He was "late", but Senze had recommended him to enter this silly little tournament anyway. Something about the head of the Tournament requesting him specifically…?

Odd.

But who was he, Papyrus Underfell Cavern, to throw away a perfectly good opportunity to make inter-universe connections (safely, this time)?

He registers with the blank figure at the counter (Dave). Afterwards, he makes his way outside, fully intending to introduce himself to the vendors here and find some new stock. He is out of luck, however. These blank people seem to have no identity, no personality, and no real business. It was like they weren't even real people.

Unnerving-- but what should he have expected? This is a pocket world beyond even the Undertale Multiverse, after all. It had to be strange.

He obtains a bowl of borscht with sour cream from a Slavic food truck and made his way inside and into the lobby, narrowly dodging Desperation Sans's sudden assassination attempt. He flees into the Common Room, avoiding certain death taking a seat beside a potted plant and some books. A square, pulsing barrier forms between the Common Room and the Lobby, halting Desperation's murder attempt.

Ah, this isn't a Common Room-- this is a Living Room!---

Assassin/ Simpletale by frostyerwinters and NewAccount21

(@simpletale-officiale)

Merch/ Fell Cavern owned by Grotto-kay

The poll booth will close at 9PM CDT on 10/8/2023: www.deviantart.com/grotto-kay/…

[cain-e-brookman]

i was tagged by @illarian-rambling! thanks!

Rules: post brief descriptions of some characters and a poll, then get people to vote on their favorite

okay i've done this for the main cast of book one, lets see how much i can give away for book two characters

propaganda under the cut

Hesperos is a Sky Mage of Clan Galanis who worship the eldest of the Sky God's children: Khrou the Messenger, Goddess of Lightning. Exiled from his clan at a young age, for reasons he won't speak on, he was found off the coast of Vizia on a half-destroyed vessel by a young merchant lord after being abandoned at sea. Although he grew up alongside the carefree culture of the Sea God's children, he keeps to his clan's disciplined philosophy, as to never lose the grace of his goddess. Despite the strict adherence to his religion, Hesperos is, well, a ham. A performer from a young age, he loves nothing more than music, theater, and being the most dramatic person in any given room. He's enjoyed the wealth of his guardian, but never puts on airs and it polite to a detriment. His manners are his shield, as there's much he hides behind a charming word and easy smile.

You have two options. If you want to know her as a friend, you know her as Miss Belle, the owner of the most bustling tavern in Crescaeya: The Sunk Gator, home of the most authentic Marsher cuisine this side of the border. If you want to know her as an enemy, it's General Isabelle Duplantis-LaBoef of the Shadow Kings Army. During the war, she was known as the most ruthless defender on the home front. The only person in history who had ever sunk even a single Vizian ship, let alone three. After the heated peace talks ended, and the Vizian Armada broke their embargo, Miss Belle stayed on with the army long enough to get her sash of medals from the Shadow King, then move north to Uslaria for her restaurant. It's better not to ask too many questions; all good Marshers know this. So no one questions the late night shipments at her door, or how the large woman who always has the private table upstairs resembles a particular Vizian Fleet Admiral...

Anyone who's been in a room with Tavi knows he's royal, no matter what blood or title say. A merchant marine made guild leader, he's known to be as two-faced as they come. In balls and social events, the picture of grace and charm, funny and social. Anyone on the business side knows this is a lie. He's a controlling, stubborn, and hard business man who knows how to get things done. No one can deny he gets results, though, and through a friendship (or more if the rumors are to believed) with the duchess, he's managed to worm himself deep into the inner working of the largest trade city in Uslaria. After years of watching him slowly take control, most now understand why his family signet is an octopus.

Silas was once a carpenter who lived deep into the wild lands tucked into the heart of the Marshes, the Dark Waters, but was pulled from his life during the war with the Fire Mages. Marked by the Silver Moon as the most true Mage in his small town, he was drafted the moment the Marshes were attacked. His time in the Shadow King's army brought him far from home and ended when his unit was attacked in an ambush as they pushed their way through enemy lines in the middle of the night. He spotted the attack before his sleeping camp had, sounded the alarm and held back the assault long enough to give his men a fighting chance. In doing so, he sacrificed himself to the fire, and that night, under the light of the Silver Moon, he died. Or so the casualty report would say. The healers didn't think he'd survive the hour from the burns, but he did, becoming the only living person to ever hold the medal for a sacrificial death in defense of the people of Ixoryn. (He made it very clear when he made it home, he wasn't giving it back.) Now, he lives in Crescaeya as Tavi's live-in bodyguard, able to intimidate most before they even think of hurting his lord. The burn scars on most of his body sends a very clear message: You're gonna have to do worse than this to take me down.

and i'll tag @spideronthesun @skullduggeryandfilibuster @emrowene @topazadine! as always no pressure!