#father develops personality for .2 seconds to annihilate me

[yuugurenomi]

got unofficially diagnosed with pots and my dad entire reaction was "finally" 😭

minecraft achievement get sound plays as i get new disability syntoms for no reason

[supereffectiveartblog]

Year of D&D 2023

This year, it was difficult for free time to line up for me and my friends. In last years "Year of D&D" post, i started by complaining about how infrequent our play was that year, but this year, we played even less. Mostly because of scheduling issues, but also because its difficult to plan as a DM. The scheduling issue has become more difficult partially because all of our current campaigns have more regular player characters. In 2020, we played with 1 DM and 4 players, but now most of our campaigns have at least 5 characters, one had 6, but one dropped out, and I DM'd a campaign that briefly had 8 player characters. Finding free time that lines up for 8 people is very very difficult. But as I'll discuss later on, we might've come up with a solution to this.

Here's the stats for this year:

In 2023, our group played 4 different adventures, a combined 12 sessions.

I made 13 session arts (1 extra one being the Meet the Party art for Princes). This was compared to 22 sessions and 21 session arts the previous year.

I was a player character in 2 campaigns, and the DM in one campaign and one Oneshot.

Pokémon Oster was the only returning campaign from last year, with sessons 1-5 happening in 2022, and sessions 6-9 this year.

Princes of the Apocalypse is our new core D&D module campaign, continuing from our DM of Tomb of Annihilation and Ravnica. We played 3 sessions this year.

Call of the Netherdeep was my first try at a module campaign, taking place in the world of Critical Role. We have 5 core players that will play every time, plus 3 "guest" players that play as the rival party, and I only intend to join us when they're needed or free.

Frozen Memories was our Halloween One-Shot for the year, and like Call of the Netherdeep, was pre-written. In my opinion, following someone else's work made it flow better than last year's Halloween One-Shot.

Darryl Fisher returns from last year as my player character in Pokemon Oster, our Pokemon Tabletop United campaign. Since last year, there's been no siginificant change in his playstyle. He fights alongside his Pokemon when facing some Wild Pokemon and ruffians, but respects league rules against regular trainers. Darryl is a mono Water type trainer, and his team consists of Piplup, Buizel, Carvanha, Magikarp, Wooper, and Tympole. He embodies everything a water type trainer would be, he is a swimmer, a fisherman, and even a diver, interested in buried treasure. I play him as a blokey bloke, and a bit of a bogan, but he has a good heart, and steps up to the plate when needed.

The Pokémon Oster campaign has no sign of stopping, so we will see more of Darryl next year.

Lilith Maddox is my player character in Princes of the Apocalypse. Lilith is my second attempt at a morally grey character (after Nevaeh), but one who i hope to play on a redemption arc on. Lilith is an Eloquence Bard, meaning I can expect most social interactions to go my way, and although i havent had much of a chance to play her, I want to use that as part of her personality and arc. Her father was an incubus, and this means that Lilith's aura naturally puts people at ease, and more likely to agree with her. Because Lilith usually gets her way, this means she has developed a bratty complex, with the secret fear that actually maybe nobody likes her for real. I want to play her to help get over my own imposter syndrome.

Lilith has also been the artistic bane of my existence this year. Perfecting the look of a character that is both snooty and reserved, with an outfit that speaks Bard and Succubus, but not in an inappropriate way, has been almost impossible for me. What I've presented here is what I hope is my final take on Lilith, but who knows when I'll next come upon a design idea I want to incorporate into my most incomplete D&D character.

This year I also took to DMing more. In previous years, I was DMing a campaign I wrote myself called Rise of the Lich Queen, and it wasn't fantastic. So this year, I've put the Lich Queen on hiatus to make an attempt at a following a prewritten campaign, Call of the Netherdeep. The campaign pre-bakes a rival party into the story, and instead of just using the pre-written rivals, i thought it would be interesting for real people to play them. Since the rivals aren't there every session, their players wouldn't need to be every session either. The necessity of having all character present at the start of the campaign did make scheduling difficult, and we only organised 4 sessions. It is on me to schedule as the DM for this campaign, so hopefully, we will find the time for more of this campaign this year.

Our first year of D&D featured a Halloween Oneshot, and we missed out on that 2021. So i've strived to take the reins and make it a yearly tradition again. Last year I wrote my own OneShot, and it had an interesting gimmick, but was poorly written. This year, like my core campaign, I followed a prewritten adventure, Frozen Memories. Having lore and set pieces already written for me allowed me to flesh out specific moments and better write character moments.

What I think was the better take away from this OneShot however was what DIDNT happen. I ran a couple session zeros to help with character creation and to set the stage for the setting, and at one point, all 8 of my closest friends had drafted up a character idea. But when the year started to run out, I decided I needed a cut off, and one weekend, just ran the adventure for who was available. I think I want to use this format going forward; running shorter adventures and changing out the players depending on who is free. I don't know if it will always be OneShots, but I think flexibility for scheduling will make sessions more frequent.

So if I only played as two characters this year, how was I going to fill in the space on my Year of D&D poster for this year? Well this year I played a videogame called Baldur's Gate 3. And BG3 is basically D&D 5e as a videogame. Since first playing the game, I have beaten the game with 3 different characters, and I based each of them on past and present D&D characters. I have a couple more characters in mind that I will play into next year, but there's not a lot to the game that I haven't experienced in my first three playthroughs.

I did write ups for all these characters in a previous post so if you wanna read up on those, Here is the one for Hawthorne and Lilith, and Here is the one for Nevaeh. I really enjoyed Baldur's Gate 3 and it is 100% my game of the year. It scratched an itch brought upon by a lack of D&D, and I appreciate it for that.

As I mentioned above, I'm hoping for TTRPGs next year I can better take advantage of one-off and short adventures that do not require the entire table to be present. Hoping the pattern of less tabletops each subsequent years does not continue. Here's wishing for more D&D with friends next year. If you want to see specifics on individual sessions, I have a very complex system of links on my Pinned Post.

[trulyhumblenarcissist]

Abourt Rei Himura and BNHA Chapter 301

Now that I've read the official release of chapter 301 I can finally try to gather my thoughts. I think this time the particular rendition of dialogues and inflections provided by Caleb Cook is more crisp and clear than usual, especially in throwing "shade" upon Endeavor as a father figure. But let's do things in order...

Title: THE WRONG WAY TO PUT OUT A FIRE - a simple, but stark message that doesn't leave space for ambiguity. There was a fire, an imminent tragedy that could and should have been avoided, but whoever tried to fix it, did it all wrong and now we have to deal with a huge arson.

CARLESS HANDLING OF FIRE, on the other hand, doesn't quite cut it for me, because it seems like everything was caused by a foolish mistake. "I was carless and now I'm in a pinch"- type of situation, while it's perfectly clear that Endeavor and Rei decided purposefully which "strategy" to use with Touya. A BAD one to say it lightly. Rei's contribution and complicity is debatable, of course, and I'll touch on this later.

Let me get this clear though: I'm not trying in any way to critique the hard work of unofficial translators. I can't say anything relevant because I'm not a translator in the first place (I can barely understand English and my native language on a good day) and also because I am so grateful for everything they do in order to give us really good material FREE OF CHARGE basically a second after the release in Japan. I'm just interested about the different shades of subtext we can catch if we read the story through multiple filters. Every translation is unique because it carries the personal spin of the author even if the bias should be inexistent or ideally undetectable...

However, back to the chapter

REI'S CAGE

The first scene opens on a luxurious classic Japanese villa, with Enji, Rei and her parents discussing the motivation behind Enji's proposal. Or at least we initially think that's what's going on... Because in reality Rei's family couldn't care less about the motivation. Everything these people see is a wealthy, famous guy the next number one hero ready to take their daughter in marriage. I guess the Himuras are pretty broke, thight on cash, their old prestige is definitely gone and all they can do to save themselves from shame and poverty is "to sell" their only remaining asset.

During the whole ordeal, Rei is standing still, silent, cold as ice. She knows she doesn't really have a choice. How mortifying and sad is this? An adult, capable woman has no agency whatsoever, she is used again and again and she stoically accepts this treatment from every single dominant figure in her life until she can't be stoic anymore. I really hope Horikoshi's going to give her a much more proactive role in saving her family and it seems the narrative wants us to expect this type of character development.

I'd like to point out 2 panels in particular:

First one

In this scene the Todorokis are back from their trip to the doc, who clearly said they shouldn't try to conceive a child with a perfect quirk mix because it is dangerous (and morally questionable too). Rei understands this fact and tries to dissuade Enji, but he doesn't listen, because he's projecting all his pent-up resentment and frustration onto Touya. He knows how it feels to crush against an unbreakable wall, since he can't surpass All might and his son can't too. He had to learn this truth the hard way, so Touya needs to do the same. Enji is purposefully throwing upon his son years of failures, self consciousness and despair, just because the boy has to get it into his thick skull that he is a dud, just like his father. This is not a hopeless dad making a mistake bona fide, this is a broken man trying to destroy his self reflection by proxy, annihilating everything Touya is, swiping the kid's identity under the rug. He describes his son's dreams and sadness as something birthed from stubbornness. He is auto-convincing himself however (because Endeavor is not stupid). A little bit later he's basically saying: "Touya let's play make believe! We can go on like everything I had engulfed in your psyche never existed, you're a failed attempt so you don't exist. Your needs and wants are silly and useless, nothing worth dealing with now that I can't make you my prodigy. Why don't you go play with the other failures so that I don't have to look at myself while taking actually care of you. I don't want to see you, because it's too painful, because you're a remainder of my own inadequacy."

Note: If you want to read an incredibly well done analysis about Endeavor's motives and psyche, you can get it on @thyandrawrites , she's dwelt on everything extensively and way better than me.

I really want to talk about Rei though. In the panel I showed above, her expression is a bit tricky to analyse. At first she is very vocal about her position. She doesn't want to put Touya through useless suffering, especially since they have a scientific reason not to. They have no guarantee of success with other children, besides, they could possibly have to deal with other health related issues. However, all it takes to convince her in the end is Enji's half assed attempt at the "It's for Touya's sake" shtick. Is it really? Why doesn't she question her husband anymore?

Well... I think before Natsuo, she was probably hoping Touya would let go "naturally", with time and growth, maybe by taking interest in his other siblings. Rei said she wanted to have more children because in her mind they would have supported and loved each other. Maybe she was naive enough to think that a big family full of kids few years apart from each other was all Touya needed to distract himself from his purposes... BUT and here is the point I want to get across: She was deluding herself too, much like Enji. The ugly truth, in my opinion, is that Rei is a person prone to protect herself by going with everything other people want, especially if said people are capable of hurting her. Yes, she was hurt time and time again, but what would have happened if she really tried to stop Enji?

What I am trying to say is that Rei is the kind of person who endures to survive. She holds a "captive" mentality in which, by indulging her captor's desires, she can continue living with less possibile damage. If I stay still and silent, if I don't make a scene, I can go on, I can hold onto the few things I have that actually make me happy.

Let's think about it... Enji was so obsessed with his psychotic, power-hungry quest that he would have probably disown Rei. She would have been thrown away for a more compliant woman with an ice quirk, or something similar, this resulting in her probably losing everything, the respect and love of her family (the Himuras) and also her own children. Because we know Endeavor can definitely hold a grudge and is vendicative.

So, clarifying, Rei doesn't put up a fight because she is scared for herself in a way... She is scared to be hurt in the worst possible way (by losing her little bit of serenity), so her strategy is to endure and to keep up a facade of control and purpose.

Rei, ironically just like Touya and other characters in mha, doesn't really get what unconditional love is. Her family loves her until she can be useful to the Himura name and status, her husband loves her for her quirk. Her children, however, love her for who she is and she wants to stay with them... Only to be forced to leave them later anyway.

The few times Rei actually smiles are when she is with her babies. She is a deeply loving mother in her core, but her declining mental health makes her a very lacking caregiver.

This panel, in my opinion, shows the point of no return for Rei. She can't keep the glacial facade forever...

After Natsuo's turn to be deemed a failure, Endeavor is crazier than ever, because All Might is as popular and loved as ever and he hasn't make any progress into his eugenetic games. The last two images of Rei are very telling. She is exhausted, but she knows what her husband wants from her this time too. She looks like a lifeless doll and honestly I can easily see Shouto's conception as... Non consensual and I will stop here.

Then Shouto is born, the last, perfect specimen... And Rei isn't doing much for Touya, we can see she's apparently blind towards her eldest son's distress already after Natsuo's birth... But why?

Because she is actively avoiding to face the Touya's problems too.

If Touya is still suffering, is still feeling stressed and worthless, then everything Rei has endured, everything she pretended not to feel for the sake of her family has been completely useless. What Rei cannot look at is her own parental failure, is the concrete proof that while protecting herself and her peace she did not protect her children too, because the two interests were never really aligned, even if she really believed so. She never had a functional family to preserve in the first place and everything she accepted to do was all for the sake of a false sense of belonging.

However is too easy to say she should've rebelled against Enji and dumped his sorry ass. Abuse traps you and your abuser too in a cage tricky to escape.

What I imagine will happen next chapter is one of two things:

Enji stops Touya by using brute force, probably also saying something really scarring to reinforce the notion that Shouto is the only child he cares about.

Rei stops Touya by using her quirk. This act could be considered by Touya another confirmation that even his mother actually does something by her own accord only when Shouto's safety is at risk

Necessary conclusions

I don't blame Rei for her actions too much. She is a victim turned abuser by circumstances, but more importantly she's actually taken mesures to prevent herself from hurting her children again. She's trying to heal for her family's sake, really this time. Ten years spent dealing with guilt and having actual therapy seem a good plan to me. And now she's the one ready to snap Enji back to reality.

Enji, on the other hand, is trying too. It's too little too late, but if he stops avoiding reality and hardly works on understanding his family's point of view I don't think he is completely unredeemable. I don't see him surviving his last confrontation with Touya, thought... But I could be totally wrong.

Obviously everything I've said it's my personal analysis on Rei's character, as I interpret her actions and words, so feel free to contradict me and/or to add anything you might see fit.

[scullysflannel]

top 5 moments of your favorite shows that make you go *cat biting the wire*

this is impossible, I love it

1. paige getting off the train, the americans, “START” — the finality of it makes me wild. it’s the split-second decision that you know is going to change your whole life. she’s never going to see her parents again! they’re never going to see their daughter again! and this is what philip and elizabeth deserve, even if it isn’t what we want for them. they have to face the truth that their kids were born to be a lie. their love for their kids was tragedy, not redemption. they could break away from the job in the end, but the job WAS their kids, too. what all the international intrigue comes down to is a family split apart by secrets. greatest tv finale of all time.

runner-up: developing paige’s photos in the garage in “darkroom.” I love paige making her parents face what they’ve done. twist that knife, babe.

2. “we fucked up with nora,” the leftovers, “the most powerful man in the world (and his identical twin brother)” — (suicide tw) the entire concept of this episode makes me feel like I’m chewing a live wire: kevin going back to purgatory (if that’s what it is), jumping between two versions of himself, the burdened leader and the killer, denying until this moment that he is both of them. he can’t see himself clearly until he accepts that he has a death wish. and the root of his problems is that he pushed love away. by extension that’s the root of the world’s problems, because everyone has a death wish. the fact that the leftovers visually manifests a world destroyed by the inability to love in the image of a man cutting open his own chest, splattering his white suit in blood, while “god only knows” is playing — it’s visceral, it’s hyper-literal. emily nussbaum wrote that the leftovers “erased the line between personal and global annihilation.” you do understand.

runner-up: kevin singing “homeward bound” in “the prodigal son returns.” oh to be a fly on the wall of the writers’ room when they dreamed up purgatory karaoke.

3. “there has to be an end, scully,” the x-files, “requiem” — she’s pregnant with his baby and they have no idea. hello! the thing about this scene that really makes me unhinge my jaw is that mulder and scully know the right thing and can’t do it. they should walk away, but they aren’t ready to. there’s something similarly screwy in each of them, a dedication to the work that makes them hurt themselves. maybe the choice they’re presented with is impossible, because what good person could walk away willingly after what they’ve seen, but it’s still inherently destructive. the one catch is that if they had gone back to oregon together, maybe they would have been able to save each other. but maybe not. the flaw in mulder and scully is the same as the flaw in the show: getting stuck in routine, still doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome. and for this one scene they admit, and the x-files admits, it’s not worth it.

runner-up: “there are other fathers” in “never again.” as discussed.

4. kim scheming under the sheet, better call saul, “something unforgivable” — the intimacy and romance of plotting to ruin your old boss’s career! what gets me about the scene is the merging of innocence and danger. I love the cut to kim and jimmy looking sweet under the bed sheet, like it’s a blanket fort, but what kim is baring to jimmy is the darkness in her. when she says she’s just playing, she wouldn’t really take howard down in order to get paid, it’s only a test to see if he bites (haha unless...). she’s thought about this, and she likes it. there’s something radiant and scary in her. @iconicscullyoutfits said in the tags that “moral descent is quiet,” and that’s what I love about the whole show. moral descent starts with caring a whole lot.

runner-up: kim and jimmy throwing beer bottles in “the guy for this.” it’s a sign of what’s coming: they recognize a shared rage in each other. jimmy tempts her, but kim acts first.

5. sydney ripping into vaughn when he asks if she’s okay, alias, “the two” —the season 3 premiere of alias rewired my 14-year-old brain. I just thought she would say she was okay when her ex-boyfriend came by to check on her, because I thought that was what women had to do: say we’re fine. but she's not fine, and she says so. the whole life she used to have before is gone, including her relationship with vaughn. and now he comes by the office to see if she’s okay? the way she rips into him is so satisfying to me; it’s everything I’ve ever wanted a woman to say to a man who asks how she’s doing. “you didn’t come here to see how I am. you came here to see how you are... what you came here for is closure, and there is not a chance you are getting that from me.” I think I have most of it memorized. she refuses to minimize her feelings for his comfort. split my idea of how to live in the world wide open.

runner-up: sydney finds out she’s been missing for two years in “the telling.” cliffhanger of all time.

[shaolin-spin-doctor]

a Very Heated Battle of The Realms review

No spoilers:

It was bad. Really bad.

Scorpion's Revenge wasn't a masterpiece by any means, but it was good enough to get me hyped for this movie. Eye-catching style, outstanding animation and an interesting enough story to get you hooked despite its overall lack of depth - if the first installment could have all these things, surely the sequel would improve on them and be even better, right? Right????

Wrong.

This movie sucks. Sure, the first few minutes are entertaining, if pretty uninspired, CageBlade is cute, and the Subzero / Scorpion subplot in and of itself is actually pretty decent, but it fails in pretty much every other aspect - most of the characters are barely even... well, characters, the plot feels all over the place, the fights are short and uninteresting, the animation is lackluster... And the ending. Oh my god, the ending. I want to know who in their right mind looked at that and said "yep, seems about right!". The rest of the movie had been whatever-ish, but it completely lost me at that point. Some Annihilation level bullshit, I'm telling you.

All in all... Only watch this movie if you want some background noise, are drunk with a couple of friends, want to see some mindless violence for an hour and 20 minutes, or are a subscorp shipper and can ignore everything else in favor of their scenes. If you aren't in any of those categories, please spare yourself the headache and don't even look at it. Forget it exists. It's not worth it, not one bit.

As a side note that has nothing to do with the base movie itself, if you're a Spanish speaker and are thinking of watching the Latin American dub... Don't. Please don't. The audio mixing is disgusting and whoever directed the voice actors didn't even try, so everyone's bored and unenthusiastic all the time and it really just makes an already unimpressive experience worse. If you really need to watch this, do it in English for your own sake.

Spoilers:

LISTEN. I swear this has nothing to do with Lao getting murdered. Y'all know I was fully prepared for it to happen, and was not surprised at all when his was the most brutal death in the entire movie. In fact, I was actually kind of excited (sad, too. but still excited), since the whole thing up until that point had been a complete drag and I was sincerely hoping we'd get some actual action from it. Sadly, it was not the case, and instead Liu Kang got a Dragon Ball Super level powerup... and whatever the FUCK the ending was. Legitimately, I screamed when he turned into a dragon - I wanted it to happen, but in a BADASS way, like the games, y'know? Instead we got... that, and I think my father said it best when he described his presence as a "dying asthmatic shrimp". aND SHINNOK?? WHAT THE FUCK?? I fully believed his appearance was gonna be setup for a subsequent movie, ESPECIALLY when Shao Kahn grabbed Kitana - i thought he was gonna kill her at first, and then we'd have the main group of revenants (sans Liu Kang) for Shinnok to call upon, and I was kind of hopeful that perhaps they would explore them better in the future and give us the Legends version of mkx or something like that - but he ended up just. being a Big Evil Monster. His defeat was so stupid, too?? Idek man I can't even begin to describe how dumb and nonsensical and pathetic the whole ending was. Legitimately one of the worst endings for any movie I've ever seen in my entire life, not even kidding.

L/iutana came out of NOWHERE. I adore this ship with my life, but it was so poorly set up i was left absolutely flabbergasted when they kissed. What the fuck? Cageblade was okay because of the setup in the previous movie and the little development the two had in this one, but L/iutana was just. God. Legitimately. If you aren't even going to bother writing a romance in a slightly believable way or give it any development, why bother writing it at all????

Speaking of Liu, I don't know about you, but I didn't connect with him at all here???? See, he's supposed to be the protagonist, but he gets barely any development and his spotlight is constantly being stolen by Scorpion and Subzero. Yes, I know he's just as flat in the original games and he's only began developing his own personality fairly recently, but you had so much potential for him, both as a person and with the potential lore attached to him. Why did the Tarkatans kill his family? Why did he get a random powerup and managed to lift Shang Tsung's "curse" (which, by the way, was completely pointless), which only Raiden was supposed to be able to heal? The only thing I liked about him was his chemistry with Raiden, who is also one of the only few highlights of this movie for me, and everything else... Nothing, really. Hell, he doesn't even talk to Kung Lao ONCE. For a man he's supposed to consider his brother, you'd think they'd have at least a single scene of them together - at least as a way to display their bond, if the writers really didn't want to give them any real character traits aside from "good guys with pure hearts" - but no. That's partly why Lao's death didn't carry any weight - yes, it didn't lead to anything, but it hadn't been set up at all, either. Same with Stryker. He was just a guy who happened to get involved, said two lines, and then died. He had no real relationship with anyone in the group, so his death was completely unimportant, and really, if he had just vanished, just like those rain clouds that appeared to soak Liu after Raiden's death for like 2 seconds before going away without a trace right in the next sequence, I probably wouldn't have even noticed.

Really, he, Lao and Smoke might as well have been cut, and it wouldn't have made any difference. It's sad.

All in all... I didn't like this movie at all, except for a very few things here and there. I know it's supposed to be Mortal Kombat, and people are always gonna defend it by saying the story doesn't matter, but... Why shouldn't it? Why can't we have a good Mortal Kombat story with better thought out plotlines and characters? And if we can't have that, why can't we at least have coherent fights? This movie had a lot of potential, and it was just tossed out the window. I'll be salty about this for a while.

[makeste]

I’ve just realised it’s been over a year since you last listed your top 10 characters! Has anything changed since then?

a lot has changed! actually, every single ranking has changed from last time except for one (which you can probably guess, lol).

1. Bakugou (previous rank: 1)

yes, believe it or not, Bakugou is still my favorite. I’ll understand if you all need a moment to recuperate from the shock of this.

2. Deku (previous rank: 4)

hi, so. I really love Deku a lot. I think he is a great character and there’s a lot of subtlety and complexity to him that he doesn’t always get credit for. he is loving and kind, but he’s not a pushover. he has moments of deer-in-headlights anxiety when he’s in the spotlight or talking to celebrities (or girls), but then he’ll go and launch into a five-hour speech if someone mentions a topic he’s interested in. he’s very much aware of the huge burden that’s been placed on his shoulders, and is struggling to figure out how to become his own person (which is fucking hard, you guys; how many sixteen-year-olds do you know who have a solid, firm idea of who they are as a person and what it is about themselves that makes them unique individuals?) while still living up to All Might’s legacy. he’s smart and determined and capable of extraordinary things, but second-guesses himself and has a tendency to overthink everything he does. he is interesting!! and he doesn’t always get credit for being interesting! but he is! anyways Deku ilu.

3. Aizawa (previous rank: 2)

still the best. still so tired. the manga is tripling down lately on highlighting how awesome he is. childhood angst and guilt and trauma?? yes. kicking lots of ass?? hell yes. being outrageously sexy with his floating wavy hair and glowy red eyes and spending almost this entire arc in Eraser Mode while Horikoshi hopes to god no one remembers how he made it a Whole Thing after USJ that Aizawa supposedly couldn’t hold his quirk for long periods like that anymore?? oh, you bet. who is even gonna complain about it. you?? I sure am not. and last but not least, being the greatest dad in the world who’s willing to stab god in the face in order to stay alive to protect his children and continue to watch them grow?? fam. you goddamn know that is a YES WITH CAPITAL LETTERS. how can one character honestly be so great. how can he even contain it. he’s so powerful.

4. Todoroki (previous rank: 5/6)

Ochako slid all the way off my top ten list and I feel so bad about it. but she hasn’t had the spotlight for a long time, and meanwhile Shouto has had what feels like ARC AFTER ARC of being awesome and doing awesome things like becoming Bakugou’s Undisputed Best Friend, having the longest and purest canon romantic relationship in the series (I am of course talking about him/soba), and playing a key role in one of the most beautifully executed family arcs I have ever seen, with his conflicted feelings about his father that are so layered that THEIR LAYERS HAVE LAYERS. and meanwhile his quirk kicks as much ass as ever. remember that one time Shouto almost burned Tetsutetsu alive. remember that other time he fucking annihilated Ending (“GIVE ME BACK MY BROTHER”)?! and meanwhile he remains the goodest and purest child in the entire series, making sure Mt. Lady’s heart is okay, and offering his two friends internships without a second’s hesitation because THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO. it’s just what they do you guys.

5. Hawks (previous rank: n/a! welcome to the top ten kiddo.)

OH NO I LOVE A MURDERER WHAT A STUNNING INDICTMENT OF ME. send me off to jail. anyway so I have always liked Hawks, but the latest arc has sent him skyrocketing up through the ranks of my heart. not because of the murder thing, but... okay well but actually, it is because of the murder thing though. NOT BECAUSE I’M HAPPY HE KILLED A GUY WE ALL LOVED, jesus, but because of how well Horikoshi portrayed his struggle over it. he didn’t want to do it!! but he ended up having to in the end, and he paid one hell of a heavy price for it. and listen, but if you give me a character who is smart, who is compassionate, and who is one of the most mentally and physically capable characters we’ve seen in the series and yet simultaneously does not have even the slightest ounce of regard or self-preservation for his own mental health? a character who is tired, who is willing to make sacrifices up to and including the ultimate sacrifice for what he believes is the greater good? a character who is achingly alone and isolated in so much of what he has to go through, who doesn’t dare drop his guard ever, who’s not able or willing to share his burdens with anyone else? if you give me a character like that, and then ask me not to love him, it’s like. I am very sorry but I truly have no say in it at this point. he’s adopted. I’m sorry it’s the law.

6. Tomura (previous rank: n/a)

OH NO I LOVE TWO MURDERERS WHAT EVEN IS WRONG WITH ME. hahaha. so in between the time of now and when I last did a character ranking, Tomura had a flashback! and it was very traumatic! he was little and sweet and his dad was a dick and there was a lot of blood and gore and a dog died!! and then AFO was all “HELLO IT’S ME COME TO SWOOP IN AND ADOPT YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO KILL STUFF AND ALSO HERE ARE YOUR DEAD FAMILY’S SEVERED BODY PARTS TO ADORN YOURSELF WITH SO YOU NEVER STOP FEELING MISERABLE.” and everyone sitting there reading was all, “well I’ll just come out and say it, I can sort of understand why he became a murderer now,” and we all agreed that yes, it did indeed make a great deal of sense, when you put it that way. anyway, so obviously you can’t not feel empathy toward the kid after all that, even if he is going around killing A WHOLE LOT MORE people now, and has basically gone batshit insane actually. I remain steadfast in my conviction that Tomura is not the actual final villain -- AFO is. and call me crazy, but in spite of everything, I still think this kid has a shot at redemption. it won’t be pretty, and it’ll be a long, long path, and he might not ever fully make it all the way, but he’s someone who’s been manipulated and used as a puppet his entire life, and I want him to have the chance to finally break free from that. hopefully he’ll get it.

7. Mirko (previous rank: n/a)

so previously this section just said “MIRKO!!!!!”, which I honestly think sums it up pretty well. I honestly can’t think of any other character who has come along and just slapped me straight across the face with their sheer awesomeness as much as her, though. every time she’s onscreen/on the page my face is just a huge grin the entire time. she is fearless. like, she’s the type of person who actually does laugh in the face of danger -- like that’s not just an expression, she will LITERALLY LAUGH. she is Peter Pan with a dagger to his throat, smiling and saying “to die would be an awfully big adventure.” she is someone who’s found her purpose in life and is thriving. Mirko has no time for your existential angst; she’s too busy kicking ass every minute of every hour of every day. I love her so, so much. thank you so much Horikoshi for being obsessed with her and making her the biggest badass in the whole series.

8. All Might (previous rank: 3)

I still adore him! he just has had next to nothing to do for what seems like forever, so the other characters who are still getting steady development are kind of just sneaking past him one by one. but he is still the absolute best. he cares so much. so, so, so, so much. he’s not always the most natural when it comes to being a teacher or a mentor, and he stumbles and makes mistakes, but he loves his kids. he cares about them so fiercely. and that’s far and away the most important thing, and it’s not even close. and he’s also just so endlessly self-sacrificing and constantly putting everyone else before himself, and it’s insane. he’s someone who is just constantly thinking, “how can I do more, how can I help more, what else can I do to try and make the world better” even as he stumbles along with half a lung, and struggles with his feelings of inadequacy and helplessness and feeling like it’s just still not enough. I want to give All Might the biggest hug in the world and tell him that it’s all right, that he did good, that the kids are going to be all right. when Aizawa told him “you being alive is enough” I almost had a breakdown tbh. anyway if I keep going I’m gonna talk myself into moving him back up the list and then I’ll have to rearrange this whole thing lol so suffice it to say, fuck yeah All Might.

9. Momo (previous rank: 7)

when is Momo gonna do more stuff, Horikoshi?? huh??! he does realize that whenever she does stuff it’s always amazing?? so why is she not just constantly doing amazing, awesome stuff all the time?? I don’t know, and frankly I’ve had just about enough of this. let Momo do stuff 2020. but I won’t talk about this anymore for now because I haven’t ready any chapter 278 spoilers and I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

(ETA: I HAVE READ CHAPTER 278 NOW AND ALL I CAN SAY IS YESSSSS!!! MOMO!!!! also I swear to god I genuinely had not seen any spoilers when I was writing this post lol, it was a total coincidence. I’m glad the “let Momo do stuff 2020″ campaign was so immediately successful though.)

10. Kaminari (previous rank: 8)

last but not least, my five-and-a-half-year-old traitor son, Kaminari Denki. he is just such a shining beam of light and life and goodness and chaos. there is this amazingly buoyant energy whenever he’s on the page that just fills me with love for him. I constantly just want to ruffle his hair, just, all the damn time. he is everybody’s friend, he loves them all so much, and he fearlessly calls Bakugou “Kacchan” heedless of the repercussions (OF WHICH THERE WERE NONE!!), and he sincerely tells Jirou that he’s in awe of her musical talents, and he wrecked his fingers learning to play guitar for her but he was happy to do it, and he was afraid to fight in the big ALL THE VILLAINS VS ALL THE HEROES battle because DUH!?! but he still did it anyway because he had to protect his friends. and his quirk and its side effects are constantly used for comic relief and not taken seriously at all (even though it’s actually insanely powerful holy shit), but he doesn’t care because he’s happy to make his friends happy. he’ll willingly be the butt of the joke if it means he gets to see them laugh. he just has such a big heart, and in all seriousness, if you think he’s the traitor I just don’t even know what to say to you.

so that’s it! Tokoyami, Ochako, Shinsou, Iida, and Sero would probably be the next five, with Endeavor, Toga, Mina, Jirou, and Mirio rounding out the top twenty. maybe not in that exact order but it’s close enough. really there are only like three characters in the series I actually truly dislike, so I’m honestly glad “top ten” is the general standard otherwise I’d be here all night running through them all lol.

[noragami-ru-manga]

Calamity bears human face

These are my thoughts on the first half of 87-2. Spoilers ahead!

I really, really liked the second part of chapter 87. Adachitoka still refuse us Yukine’s entire past, but maybe that’s for the best. If what we’ve been shown so far causes this many emotions in the fandom, I’m scared to think what would have been if they revealed everything at once. But… this post isn’t about Yuknie. Not because I don’t like his character, but because I really want to discuss the first 10 pages of the new chapter.

As I expected, we got some of Father’s flashbacks this time. Except they were about the part of his life that had Yato in it, probably several years (?) after Sakura’s death.

Yato not wanting to kill people isn’t that strange, since he started “slacking off” because of Sakura’s influence, and we know that by this point Hiiro would take initiative whenever Yato wouldn’t put his heart in performing Father’s jobs, as shown in chapter 47. Interestingly enough, when Yato suggested that Father should kill people himself, the former answered that he “was killing gods, at least” – implying that he didn’t kill humans with his own hands.  Father’s words about killing gods do sound sinister but as we’ve already seen and will see later in the chapter, not all gods are warriors like Bishamon, Takemikazuchi and Yato himself, so I wouldn’t be too intimidated by this phrase.

His line about the uselessness of killing gods without killing people though … The idea is obvious and logical, so I don’t see the point in developing it further, but even now I think that Father did not choose the most efficient way to do it. Even if Yato stayed under Father’s total control, one god of calamity doesn’t seem to be that big of a threat on a global scale, contrary to whatever Nora has to say later in the chapter.

The thing that caught my attention on these pages is Father’s words about shrines. Yato already revealed before that someone would always tell him he didn’t need a shrine, that someone being Father. Up to this point I simply thought that this was needed to cultivate Yato’s fear of being forgotten – if he doesn’t have a shrine, it’s all the more easier for him to disappear without any chances to reincarnate. The idea that Father actually thinks that shrines are useless somehow never crossed my mind, although now that I see it on paper it makes total sense.

And since Yato raised the question, I’ll take it from here. He said he didn’t understand why did needed to destroy humans if life would be boring without them. I’ve always asked this question in regard to any character whose end goal is total annihilation – what’s the point? Sure, Father isn’t aspiring to be an evil overlord as to ask him a question “who are you going to rule over if there’s no one left”. But his goal, apparently, is killing all gods and also all humans so that old gods can’t reincarnate while new ones can’t appear. But what exactly is he going to do if he succeeds? Die while feeling the satisfaction of revenge accomplished? It’s just so hard to understand someone whose views  are so different than your own.

I wish I could say that the small local kami that attacked Yato proves that Father’s words about shrines are wrong, but what happens next actually corroborates his statement. Partially.

One the one hand, the villagers’ prayer was heard, and the local kami attacked Yato for destroying the village. But Father just crushed her. So in the end, the kami wasn’t able to so anything about these humans’ problem, so yeah, their wish wasn’t granted.

This scene also demonstrates that yes, Father can actually kill gods. The more important thing about it though is that Yato sees it. We have already seen just how much Yato used to fear death for the majority of the series. However, knowing that Father has the ability to kill Yato by forgetting him is one thing; but witnessing him kill a kami just like Yato really drives it home. And it’s all the scarier how Father simply intercepted Yato’s weapon – he just summoned Chiki, who moments earlier was in the boy’s hands. Just look at Yato’s face, you can see the terror.

And Father didn’t really have the need to kill that kami. What could they have done with a chopstick anyway?  Maybe he god mad at this kami actually answering people’s prayer, disproving his point. Or maybe he just hates the gods so much he couldn’t stand even seeing one of them, so he just had to kill them.

(BTW, does anyone know what’s with the blindfold? I’ve tried looking it up but never found anything).

Nora and Hiyori’s dialogue is my favorite part the chapter, there are just so many things to unpack here. First, “Father would praise the god called Yato”. Is it just me, or is Nora jealous? We saw in Yato’s memories that Father actually praised both his children. Then again, we also saw that he punished Nora when he wanted Yato to behave. Considering that Yato grew increasingly reluctant to kill humans, and Nora had to take the lead and finish Yato’s work, this kind of jealousy is unsurprising. Nora was Father’s right hand girl and supported him all the way, but between the two of them Yato would receive more attention.

“But at some point, Yato started mourning the deaths of other people”.  Yeah, we know at what point – Nora must be referring to the time when Sakura was still alive. I’ll just throw in a couple of pics from chapter 47 to remind you why Yato started mourning people.

“When calamity strikes, people always become more devout”. This must be one of the most powerful quotes in the entire manga, because it encapsulates one of the foundations of the Noragami universe. Gods exist to grant human wishes, but who would have more reasons to pray – someone who has it all, or someone who’s in trouble? Remember the main reason why people start seeing the Far shore and things that relate to it.

Of course humans would turn to gods if they can’t solve their problems themselves; that’s the reason they exist. I’ve already mentioned it in the post about memory and memories – the idea of a being that isn’t bound by human constraints, is immortal and can help out when there’s nothing else left takes shape of a person, and that’s how a god is born. Although there’s another reason, too – people hope that if calamity is sentient, you can bargain with it. That’s how people started worshiping Tenjin – not to ask for something they don’t have, but to beg him not to take something they already possess.

It may be that, by sending Yato to obliterate villages, Father was hoping not just for thinning out people, but for a somewhat different reaction from them.

“That boy loved people”. This line is just so heartwarming. And Hiyori already said it before. She saw Yato’s past and how even back then he tried to help humans – like making snow shoes for people in need. She understood him and accepted him.

I don’t really have anything to add to Father wanting “to do something” though. I’ve already said before that Father is done with being the game master and wants to be an actual player. Apparently, he is waiting for Yukine to discover GGS completely before summoning him as a weapon.

The line about natural disasters having human faces caught my attention before the chapter was even translated.  When people die because of natural disasters, it’s horrible, but there’s nothing you can do about it. We can say that “we need to build sturdier houses/dams/etc.”, “we need to take better precaution measures”, and we try, but you can’t possibly predict everything. But in a world where the sun, the moon, the lightning, etc. are personified as gods, a.k.a “have faces”, not only there’s a way for someone to direct their wrath at those faces, but there’s the question of why these sentient elements of nature do these things that hurt humans.

Let’s look at some of the examples of gods harming Nakatsukuni, the world of humans.

Chapter 7 – Bishamon cuts down a grove to get to Yato

Chapter 8 – Kofuku’s vent releases a horde of ayakashi, which results in rising crime rates in Tokyo

Chapter 60 – Bishamon causes a local hurricane to locate Father

Chapter 66 – Takemikazuchi transforms into lightning to fight Yato

The gods harmed the world of humans, but it wasn’t for fun. Bishamon was guided by her thirst for revenge both times. Kofuku was helping her friend. Takemikazuchi became angry because his guide was hurt. All of them felt very human emotions. Except, since they are gods and their power surpasses that of an average human, the result of their outburst is a dead grove, rising crime rates, a damaged school. They aren’t actually trying to purposefully hurt humans but for those who suffer from these actions that’s hardly a consolation. And like I said, it’s one thing when you don’t really have anyone to blame, because the wind that destroyed your house doesn’t hear you, and another, when that wind has a face.

I think that when Father sent Yato to destroy villages, he hoped that the calamities would make people turn away from the gods. After all, people don’t always become more devout during trying times, sometimes they turn away from religion, which is what happened with Father himself. There’s a phrase going around the Internet – it was allegedly written on the wall of a Nazi concentration camp by a Jewish inmate: “If there is a God, He will have to beg for my forgiveness”. I don’t know how true this story is, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s real.

And even with all this in mind, I still don’t understand Father’s logic. Suppose he doesn’t destroy all of humanity, but does manage to kill all gods. I don’t think it would change that much. Amaterasu, for example, is depicted as the sun incarnate, but… if she’s killed forever, will the Sun go out, too? I understand that I’m going off the rails and into the cosmogenic myth territory here, but I can’t help it. If there are no gods left, but the forces of nature continue to destroy human lives, then Father’s actions hardly change anything. (Look at me, trying to find a reasonable explanation for an unhealthily long revenge plan). Also, don’t forget that gods of other religions canonically exist in Noragami – what is Father going to do about them, I wonder?

As for “someone” being killed by the Heavens, I’ve recently made an assumption that the pock-marked girl’s death could have been a payment of sorts to bring Father back from the dead. I made this assumption knowing that Father’s words in chapter 60 imply that gods were more involved than that. What Nora said here about Father hating attributing gods’ actions to natural disasters makes it obvious that the girl died because of one of such catastrophes. I’ve looked some more at that page from chapter 60, and I still don’t see any visible damage on the girl. However, Adachitoka emphasize a skeleton lying in a field near a dead tree. Also, I’ve turned the page upside down to get a better look, and now this skull haunts me.

Was it a drought, a famine that killed her? Or the smallpox? If these are her remains, why didn’t Father bury them? Who then helped him return from Yomi? We know it was a soul summoning, after all. So many questions that are yet to be answered.

However, even if we didn’t get all the answers yet, these ten pages did reveal a lot.

-          Nora knows Father’s backstory, but not all of it. Apparently, it’s a thing so painful that Father can’t tell everything even to his most devoted supporter.

-          Sakura’s influence on Yato was even stronger than I thought.  It’s possible that Father changed his course of actions and started giving Yato jobs that involved punishing criminals soon after the scene we saw in this chapter.

-          Father, apparently, thinks of himself as some kind warrior of justice while ignoring the fact that he does as much harm as the gods, and that he is a calamity with a human face.

 P.S. that page with the human faces of nature absolutely rocks.

[wondereads]

Personal Recommendation (10/18/20)

Mortal Engines by Philip Reeve

Why am I recommending this book?

We just read this for our book club, and I really enjoyed it. I heard the movie wasn’t very good, but I think I’ll still watch it because I’d love to see how they animated the cities. Also, the characters were so likable and interesting, which is hard to do.

Plot 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Mortal Engines is about Tom Natsworthy, a low-level historian on the traction city of London. In an attempt to save his idol, Head Historian Valentine, Tom is thrown out of the city while chasing a mysterious assassin by Valentine himself. He teams up with Hester Shaw, a young, disfigured girl who seeks revenge upon Valentine. In terms of the general plot, it’s pretty predictable. Dystopian kill or be killed world, corruption among the authorities, an unstoppable weapon, a resistance organization, and a world destroyed by a mysterious past war. However, the setting definitely sets this book apart. I loved the concept of traction cities. Of course, I wouldn’t actually want the world to look like that, but I’d never read anything like it. The philosophy of Municipal Darwinism and its use to justify eating other towns, enslaving captives, and destroying cultures was also interesting. It’s also a bit timely with the apparent lack of compassion for others in today’s world. Finally, the little hints to the past were so wonderful. Like Tom’s discovery of a CD, or, as they call it, a Seedy. They kept mentioning different time periods to establish how far in the future this was, and it was a bit shocking to hear about the historians trying to keep up porcelain from the forty-sixth century. To put it simply, the world-building was amazing.

Characters 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Although the book is told from several different perspectives, Tom is definitely the main character. And he’s a terrific one. Tom is not necessarily a hero. He has selfish motivations. While in London, he dreams of elevating his status and falls in love with Katherine because she’s beautiful and no other reason. Even when he saves Valentine’s life, it’s because he wants to be noticed as a hero, not really because it was the right thing to do. While stuck on the ground with Hester, he wants to survive and get home. However, his character development is very well done and wonderfully subtle. He starts to put himself at risk for others, such as Hester, and he begins to be able to look past the surface in characters such as Valentine and Anna Fang. There are two other “main” characters, Hester and Katherine. Hester is a very bitter and cynical girl whose family was killed and face was scarred by Valentine. Hence, she wants to kill him as revenge. While Hester is already rather smart and capable, she begins to grow a bit softer by the end of the book. Katherine, Valentine’s daughter, is the perspective of someone still aboard London. She is the one who begins discovering all the secrets hidden in both the Top Tier and Gut of London. Also, her crumbling relationship with her father was very compelling. Among the side characters, there is Valentine, Magnus Crome, Bevis Pod, Anna Fang, and Shrike. My personal favorites were Shrike and Anna Fang. Everyone had realistic and compelling reasons for their actions, but Shrike’s was truly tragic. As a Stalker, a metal man that was once used in the wars before half the planet was annihilated, he isn’t supposed to have feelings. However, his close parental relationship with Hester was one of my favorite conflicts. Also, I loved Anna because she was just so amazing and badass. I mean, who wouldn’t love her?

Writing Style 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

I appreciated that Reeve switched around the perspectives. It was fascinating to get a glimpse into the minds of Valentine, Shrike, Magnus Crome, and some of the other minor characters. Also, I’m not entirely sure what it was, but the way the characters “spoke” just fit. It felt like the way someone stuck in a steampunk dystopia would talk. And, like I mentioned before, the little hints to the past were so clever and enchanting.

Meaning 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

Ah, the age old message of actually caring for other people. The philosophy of the traction cities are completely based around survival of the fittest, which the people of London really only seem to support when they are “the fittest”. Of course, despite dwindling resources, the traction cities are so adamant that their way is right that they will continue on until there is literally nothing left. There are two messages embedded in this book. First, societies only thrive because the population worked collaboratively, not competitively. Second, one must be aware of the conditions of the world you live in and adapt your lifestyle to fit the circumstances. Both meanings are still important in regular life, especially with global warming and humanity’s unceasing disdain for helping others.

Overall 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

I wasn’t sure if I’d like this book. I’m always skeptical of dystopias and male authors. However, this dystopia was unique; it was unlike anything I’d ever read before. Also, Philip Reeve wrote very well from the perspective of multiple female characters, and neither Hester nor Katherine were sexualized once. The biggest appearance-based factor in either of them was Hester’s scar, but that was tied into her self-loathing and stubborn bitterness. The characters were so well developed, and the ending actually shocked me. I prefer a well-rounded plot to a surprising plot twist, but Reeve managed to have both. The book ends well as a standalone, but I think I’ll continue the series. I would recommend this book to people who like steampunk, character development, and fantastic world-building.

The Author

Philip Reeve: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Reeve

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose, and you can learn more about me here!

[sinemoras09]

Crash pad excerpt

How Obito becomes Hokage. (Background: everyone was accidentally resurrected after the war and Obito and Madara were put under surveillance.) I combined several ficlets here. @innovativestruggles

Note: this is a sequel to the fan comic birdsong, where Hashirama is a woman. In this fic she and Madara had gotten married and had kids. Also, Rin isn’t resurrected yet. Obito is living by himself.

-----

1.

"Apparently I'm cursed to be surrounded by idiots," Madara says, when he sees that once again he's being chaperoned by Gai and Naruto.

"Yo!" Naruto says, and Gai gives him a hearty salute. Madara sighs heavily.

They walk down the forest path, Gai spouting ridiculous platitudes while the Uzumaki brat laughs and nods excitedly. It makes sense that he's paired up with them: Might Gai was the only shinobi who managed to injure him, and the Naruto kid's strength rivaled that of the current generations' kage - which doesn't say much, but the fact remains.

"Oh, look! It's Kakashi-sensei! And look, there's my dad!" Naruto says, and Madara looks up and sees Obito being similarly chaperoned, flanked by Kakashi and Minato as they walk toward them.

"Yo," Kakashi says, as they pass. Minato's eyes close into pleasant half-moons as he smiles at Naruto. Obito keeps staring straight ahead of them.

Madara sighs. Somehow it's even more depressing seeing his protégé similarly neutered.

"Yo, Bushy-Eyebrows-sensei! We should do push-ups after the mission, dattebayo!"

Madara glances up at Obito. Obito shrugs.

*****

2.

Uchiha Obito wakes before his alarm.

He shuts off the clock radio, then pads barefoot toward the bathroom. The sun hasn't risen yet, and everything is shaded in a blue-gray hue outside. Silently Obito opens the medicine cabinet and methodically shakes open his medications - an antidepressant, a migraine prophylactic, and a pain pill for the lingering neuropathy he has in his face, arm, and leg. Closing the medicine cabinet, he looks briefly at his face in the mirror before dry-swallowing the pills, grimacing a bit before turning on the tap of running water.

"Yo," Kakashi says. He's waiting for Obito outside the apartment steps. Obito walks down the metal grated stairs, wearing the standard shinobi flak jacket in Konoha's colors. He doesn't wear the forehead protector, though - it feels dishonest and it makes him slightly uncomfortable.

"What's today's mission?" Obito says.

"VIP escort to the Fire Kingdom's periphery. Easy enough. Sensei is going to meet us at the gate."

They hitch their packs and walk.

The sun is starting to rise, its pale rays starting to peek over the lingering shadows. Minato is there, and he gives them a cheerful wave as they join him.

They called it a second life. Second chance, new beginnings. A way to redeem themselves; a miracle. Whatever it is, Obito has adjusted to his new life in the village. Even if his crimes were forgiven, he still has a need for atonement.

*****

His throat tightened the first time he spoke to Sensei in the village.

"Sensei, forgive me," Obito said, and his voice cracked. "I can never forgive myself for what I did, for hurting your wife and child. I understand if hate me. I can't help but hate myself."

Kakashi watched. Minato stood, the slight spring breeze catching his hair. He smiled and patted Obito on the shoulder.

"Water under the bridge," Minato said. Obito lifted his eyes.

"Sensei?"

Minato's eyes closed into two happy crescents: "I know Kushina would be the first to offer forgiveness, and my child is already grown, and quite fond of you."

Obito's eyes grew shiny with tears. "Sensei--"

Kakashi clapped Obito's back. "You always were a stupid crybaby."

And Obito laughed, wiping his eyes.

Now the three of them are a team - a formal team of equals, no longer tasked with watching him. He's accepted as a part of the village - people smile when they greet him and no one is afraid of him. "This doesn't feel right," Obito had said to Kakashi, in a low voice. "By all rights, the villagers should shun me after what I did."

Kakashi sighed. "I think you need to go up on that antidepressant," Kakashi said.

*****

They call themselves Team Minato, just like they did during their genin days.

They work their jutsus in tandem, Kakashi flanking their target on one side while Obito runs toward the other. One blink, and Obito's kamui swirls, Minato flash-stepping beside them and neutralizing the threat.

Afterwards, they sit at the base of a tree, eating a few rice balls and sharing a canteen of water. Obito is screwing back on the cap when a thought suddenly occurs to him. "Sensei?"

Minato looks up. "Yeah?"

"I just realized, Sensei. Physically we're all the same age."

"You just now figured that out?" Kakashi says, and Minato laughs. Obito glares and blushes.

"It was just an observation," Obito says. He tosses a stick on the ground and puts away his canteen.

They're coming back from the mission, Kakashi and Minato and Obito, and as they trudge heavily through the forest path toward Konoha, they see the shape of another three-person team walking toward them: Naruto and Hashi and Uchiha Madara.

"Look, it's my dad!" Naruto says, and Minato waves at them.

"Hello," Hashi says to Kakashi. Kakashi nods.

"Yo."

Obito's eyes track toward Madara's. Madara looks back at him stonily.

"Yeesh, that guy is really intense, isn't he?" Kakashi says, after they pass.

"Who?" Minato says.

"Uchiha Madara. Who else?"

Obito tosses a rock, walking a little ahead of them.

"You okay, Obito?" Kakashi asks. Minato looks at him, worried.

"I'm fine," Obito says. He keeps walking. "C'mon. We're almost home."

******

3.

Iruka sits behind his desk, folding his hands in front of him.

"So, as you know, your daughter has finished her first month of kindergarten, and," Iruka takes a moment, keeps his voice calm and measured, "there are some things we need to discuss."

"What is it?" Hashi says. She is sitting in the chair provided in front of Iruka's desk, but Madara has opted to keep standing, his arms crossed and a pinched look on his face. Iruka's eyes dart quickly toward him before turning back to Hashirama.

"Well," Iruka says. "Your daughter is...very advanced."

"Splendid. What is the problem?" Madara says.

"Ah, Madara-san, perhaps...perhaps if you just sit down...?"

Madara's eyes narrow. "I prefer to stand."

"Okay." Iruka rubs his neck nervously. "Well. The young lady is, ah. Is rather intimidating for a five-year-old her age...."

"Intimidating, how?" Hashi says. Iruka takes a breath.

"Well...she used her Sharingan against the faculty a number of times; she used her Rinnegan against a group of upper level students who were learning bunshin jutsus, and apparently she has beat up two genin who were preparing to take their chuunin exams."

"Splendid!" Madara says, while Hashi starts, "What?" Iruka clears his throat.

"As I said, your little girl is very advanced," Iruka says.

"Excellent. So we pull her out of this class and let her take the chuunin exams. I agree with this assessment," Madara says.

"Now hold on, she is still only five years old, mentally and emotionally, she's a kindergartner, so--"

"It is my understanding you people had children as young as four years old fight in the Third Shinobi War, unless I am mistaken," Madara says.

Iruka hesitates, "Well, Uchiha Itachi, like your daughter, was a special case, so--"

"So what is the problem?"

"Anata." Hashi turns around in her chair. "Just come sit down."

Madara glowers. He pulls out the chair and sits heavily, glaring at Iruka. If looks could kill - and on a normal day, Madara's can and does - Iruka would be completely annihilated right now. But because his wife is urging restraint, Madara keeps himself in check. He sits back in the chair and crosses his arms.

"So we have a choice," Iruka says. "We can either pull her out of the classroom now and assign her to a genin team, or we keep her where she is, so she can continue to develop socially."

"Pull her out," Madara says, while Hashi says, "Keep her where she is." They glance at each other. Iruka laughs nervously.

"Well, you two take some time to talk about it. No one needs to come to a decision, now."

*****

"I'm just worried," Hashi says. It's nighttime now, and they're walking down the street, heading back to the house. "The whole point of starting the village was to protect our children from unnecessary harm. Genin go out on real missions, there won't be anyone to protect her if she's in danger."

"She won't be in danger, genin do not do anything," Madara says. "The most she'll do is rescue pets or help frail civilians cross the street. She won't even leave the village."

"Aren't most genin around twelve years old, though? She's five. Those kids are going through puberty. What if they exclude her?"

"Then they will learn to fear and respect her."

"I don't think that's a good plan," Hashi says. They get to the house and open the door.

"Nii-san!"

Madara starts, "Izuna?!"

Their daughter is laughing, pinning Izuna to the wall with her ocular powers, her little brothers giggling by her feet. She looks up and sees them. Her face brightens.

"Mommy! Daddy!" She jumps up and runs toward them. Izuna drops to the ground.

Madara leans toward Hashi. "Hashirama, are you still concerned about those kids going through puberty?" Hashi shakes her head.

"I guess not."

*****

4.

Madara and his daughter are hiding in the bushes, watching a merchant rearranging apples on his fruit stand. Madara points.

"Look well, daughter. You see that man over there?"

"Yes, Daddy?"

"He insulted your father gravely. Let us practice your katons to show him."

"Okay, Daddy!"

She starts weaving her hand seals.

"You set fire to his fruit stand?!" Hashi says, while their daughter laughs and Madara stands, arms crossed, aloof and disaffected.

"Do not worry, Hashirama. She only set the sign on fire."

****

"Why were you throwing rocks at our child?!" Hashi says.

Madara holds up his hands. "I was teaching her to dodge, so that she is not so dependent on the Sharingan."

"By throwing rocks at her?! Knives? Shuriken?!"

"Calm yourself, Hashirama, I would not use weapons against her if I weren't confident she'd survive."

Hashi crosses her arms. "I don't think you should be talking about our daughter 'surviving' your training," Hashi says. Madara frowns.

"Need I remind you, Hashirama, there are jounin not even half her skill level being thrown into mortal peril at all times. I fail to see how she's in any danger from a few loose rocks."

"Can't you just skip stones by the river with her? Practice her katons against wooden targets instead of people?"

"I fail to see the utility in that."

"Ugh."

"More to the point, Hashirama, I'm concerned you're growing soft. We lived in an era of constant war. You are coddling our children."

Hashi looks around. "Wait a minute, where are the babies?" she says.

Madara cocks his head to the side, where she sees the baby and the toddler playing with their toys inside his Susanoo. "I would have left them with weapons, but you told me not to," Madara says.

*****

5.

At the base of the river, an Uchiha child toddles forward. There is something shiny in the riverbank, and the child is curious. He reaches his chubby hands into the water.

Something yanks him backward, and the baby's little legs stumble. He lands squarely on his butt. The baby looks around, confused, then looks up. His face brightens. He reaches his little arms upward.

"What the hell am I looking at?" Obito says, as Madara picks up the toddler from across the river.

Obito is sitting next to Kakashi across the other side of the river, watching with growing disbelief as Uchiha Madara herds his children; one is strapped to his chest while the other one toddles around with a baby leash. Occasionally, he will toddle a little too far, and Madara will yank him backward.

"Have you seen his daughter?" Kakashi asks, and as if on cue, the little girl comes barreling down the trail, shrieking and laughing. There is smoke coming from behind the bushes and they both realize she has set something on fire. "He's practically a house husband," Kakashi says. He stretches, then leans against the tree comfortably. "Tsunade won't let him go on any missions."

"Why?" Obito says. Kakashi shrugs.

"Not trustworthy. And besides, Hashi-san herself is worth the strength of an entire platoon of nin. If something of that magnitude needs to be done, they'd rather just send her in."

"That doesn't anger him?" Obito watches as Madara shepherds his children away from the river. The toddler starts throwing a tantrum: Obito and Kakashi watch as Madara simply genjutsus him.

"I don't think so," Kakashi says, as Madara picks up the toddler the way he would a sack of flour, carrying both babies while his daughter follows him. "I think he actually enjoys it."

"Actually enjoys terrorizing the civilians in the village," Obito says. "I heard he set a local fruit stand on fire."

*****

6.

"She's too powerful. I don't think she should be training with the other genin." The genin team leader, a Nara jounin, is sitting in front of Iruka and Tsunade. A sweat drop forms on the Nara jounin's forehead.

"Powerful, how?" Tsunade says. The Nara jounin swallows.

"Well. The span of her katon is easily the the same width and breadth of an entire fleet of nin. She's so proficient in taijutsu, she's inadvertently nearly killed the other genin. She's turned playground equipment into weapons and when I tried subduing her with my shadow technique, she overwhelmed it with chakra and broke free. And this is without her even using her Sharingan."

"Oh," Tsunade says. "I see." She and Iruka glance at each other.

It had been a compromise: three days a week, Madara's daughter would stay with her kindergarten class, while on the other days she would go train with a genin team. The team was a typical one, three rookie genin and a jounin instructor, and Madara's daughter was allowed to tag along with them on missions.

"What should we do?" Iruka says. He and Tsunade go over potential other jounin instructors, people with ocular powers who could easily subdue her. "The Hyuuga can't seem to handle her, and all the genin are afraid of her."

Tsunade crosses her arms, leaning back in her chair. "I think I know what to do," Tsunade says.

*****

Kakashi, Obito, and Minato stare at the little girl waving in front of them. "Hello!" she says. "My Sensei says I can come and train with you!"

Kakashi and Minato don't skip a beat. "Hello, ojou-chan. How old are you?"

She holds up five fingers. "Five!" she says. She holds up her dolly. "This is my dolly! She has a pink dress! Can she come train too?"

"You have got to be kidding," Obito says. Kakashi elbows him in the ribs.

*****

7.

"YOOOOOOOOOSH! Get ready for the ultimate team! Me and Fuzzy Eyebrows Sensei and Old Man Madara, dattebayo!"

"Once again, in the springtime of youth!" Gai says, and he and Naruto chest bump each other.

Madara stares at them. "I am in hell," Madara says.

*****

Of all the indignities he must suffer, this by far is the worst. It also confirms Madara's suspicions that Obito was a consummate idiot, letting himself, a thirty-year-old man, be talked down by a sixteen-year-old with next to no life experience. That Uchiha Madara, the strongest shinobi alive, second only to Senju Hashirama, is being forced to be chaperoned by said sixteen-year-old is an affront to his senses.

"Sensei!" Lee's face is a waterfall of tears and snot, his lower lip trembling and his buggy eyes streaming. "Why can't I be on your team, Sensei?!"

"Worry not, my adorable pupil!" Gai throws an arm around Lee. "After this mission, we will continue to train!"

"Alright! I got the snacks, dattebayo! And the map, and the mission objectives, and--" Naruto pats his pockets. "Oh crap! Where are the mission objectives?!"

Madara gives them a withering look and holds up the pamphlet. Gai grabs it from him. "Ha ha! Looks like our resident grumpy grump is contributing!"

"Touch me and you will lose that hand," Madara says, just as Gai is about to clap him on the back. Gai and Naruto look at each other.

*****

"Madara-ojiichan. How come you're always in a bad mood, dattebayo?"

Naruto is walking with his hands behind his head, while Gai is running around in circles around them, counting reps and punching the air. Madara gives Naruto a pointed look. "You really need me to answer that question?"

"Is it 'cuz you miss your kids? 'Cuz I heard from Kakashi-sensei that you're pretty much a house husband, and--"

"Do the both of you wish to die? Because I can make that a reality," Madara says.

Gai starts shadow boxing. Madara glares.

*****

8.

There is a meeting discussing who will succeed Tsunade as the Sixth Hokage. A few names float around: Might Gai. Hatake Kakashi. A scribe writes their names on a white board while the council discusses the formal nominations.

"What about Uchiha Obito."

They turn. Madara is leaning against a wall at the entrance of the conference room, arms crossed and covered in shadow.

"Madara." The elders look at each other. "You were not invited to this council."

"I had a hand in the founding of this village. Well. You invited neither myself nor Hashirama, so I suppose I can't be too insulted."

The elders frown at each other. "Uchiha Obito has committed many atrocities. He was an S-class nin and kage-level threat. He was the one who put in motion the Fourth Shinobi War."

"And it was my understanding he sacrificed himself to end it," Madara says. "Well. I am not surprised. Council idiots would never put an Uchiha to power."

"Madara-sama, a moment--"

But Uchiha Madara is already gone.

*****

Obito is coming back from a mission. It's dark now, and he slowly walks up the metal grate steps to his apartment. He's tired and his body hurts, and all he wants to do is go to sleep after a long, hot shower.

"Obito," Tsunade says, and Obito stops, surprised.

"Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade smiles. She hands him some papers.

"I have need to speak with you."

*****

"Hokage?" Kakashi turns sharply. Obito is hunched over the bar, a drink in his hand and staring at his glass. "They've nominated you for Hokage?" Obito nods. "Obito...congratulations."

Obito lifts his eyes. Kakashi is beaming beneath his mask. Obito looks back down at his drink.

"I think I'm going to refuse it."

"Why?" Kakashi says, and Obito swirls his drink. He watches the amber liquid swirl, his reflection distorted in the glass.

"Whoever is Fire Shadow is sworn to protect the people of this village." Obito sets down his drink. "I was the one who set the Kyuubi loose. I was the one who nearly destroyed it."

Kakashi falls silent for a moment. And then, "Have you told Sensei?"

"I am too ashamed. I don't want him to know about it." Obito's voice is soft. He doesn't look at him.

Kakashi frowns. "I think you should talk to Sensei," Kakashi says. Obito hunches over the bar, not saying anything. Kakashi shifts forward.

"How long did they give you to make a decision?"

"Until the end of the month," Obito says. His eyes flick upward. "I was told if I refused, the title of Sixth Hokage would go to you."

Kakashi blinks. Obito pours himself another drink. "So," Obito says. He sets down his bottle. "Do you still think I should take it?"

There is the clinking of glass in the background, the sound of a wooden fan turning above them. Kakashi considers.

"Yes," Kakashi says, and his eyes meet Obito's.

"I really think you should."

*****

9.

There aren't any other missions scheduled, but Obito doesn't enjoy his days off. While Kakashi is buying erotic fiction and Minato is hanging out with his kid, Obito has nowhere to go other than the training grounds, honing his techniques and thinking of ways to teach their little teammate more about the Sharingan.

"You mean Madara isn't training her?" Kakashi is sitting on a fence, watching as Obito tries to come up with ways to use Mangekyou without hurting her. Obito kicks a post, a simple side kick, but keeps his leg mid-air, holding the kata in perfect formation.

"Apparently he told her not to use her Sharingan because she has a tendency to overuse it." He slowly lowers his leg, then straightens. "I believe she goes straight to the Mangekyou and the Rinnegan because she doesn't have as firm a grasp on the basics."

"You mean genjutsu and enhanced perception?"

"Correct." Obito twists his body in another slow sideways kick. He punches. "I suspect she's had the Sharingan so long, she has taken for granted its own set of powers. And Madara is too used to using his Mangekyou and his Rinnegan, it is probably difficult for him to dumb it down."

"Hmm." Kakashi leans back, crossing his arms. "You really do make a good teacher. If you never got crushed by that rock, maybe you would have gotten a teaching job like Iruka."

Obito spins and kicks the post again. Kakashi hops off the fence.

"So," Kakashi says. "Have you decided what you're going to do about the Hokage thing, yet?"

Another kick. "I told you. I'm probably going to refuse it."

Kakashi sighs, loudly. "If you're worried you're interfering with some long-seated dream of mine, let me assure you, you're not. I'd only accept the position of Hokage out of an ingrained sense of duty."

A kick. "I doubt the villagers would accept me."

"The villagers don't know what's going on half the time. You'd have to worry about the other shinobi."

Kick. "Thank you for reminding me."

Kakshi tilts his head. "You know, Obito, I used to call you a crybaby elite and make fun of you, but even before you woke the Sharingan, you weren't bad. I was even jealous of your katons."

"What is this? Rare praise from Hatake Kakashi?" Kick. "Of course I wasn't bad. I was just a part of a clan of geniuses, teamed up with the top genin of our class. Anyone would look bad in comparison."

Spin, spin, kick. The post bends. Obito turns. "That took me the better part of twenty years to realize that. A shame I nearly had to end the world in order to do that." He looks at Kakashi's bag. "Another ero novel?"

"Oh yes." Kakashi holds up the book. "This one's called 'Kisses for my Lover.' I hear the plot's derivative but the smut scenes are phenomenal."

"You know most men would rather just watch porn instead of reading it."

"I prefer to use my imagination."

"Hm."

*****

The sun is starting to set, and the village is bathed in a deep, rich orange.

Obito goes to the drugstore to refill his medications. Antidepressant. Pain pill. Migraine prophylaxis. Recently he's been having panic attacks, so his doctor started prescribing Xanax. "It's likely PTSD from the rock falling in that cave," the civilian psychiatrist said. She wrote Obito the prescription. "If you take it, avoid operating heavy machinery. Don't take it with alcohol or mix it with other medications."

Obito walks out of the drug store, clutching his bags.

*****

Nighttime. Obito sits over the table and quickly eats a store-bought bento, sitting in the dark and watching the small television in the corner. It's a movie, some romantic comedy where the plucky heroine goes off to find herself in a small town. Invariably she's engaged to some jerk businessman, but she finds true love in the neighborhood lumberjack she meets after leaving the city.

This annoys him. This isn't love, it's infatuation, and what about her poor fiancé sitting in the city? Why do the writers have to bend over backwards to make him a jerk? Obito frowns at his bento box, then takes a swig of beer.

There is something lurking in the shadows outside.

Obito's eyes narrow. Slowly, he stands up, lowering the volume of the television. There is the sound of something clattering, and Obito strides quickly to his bedroom.

In the dark, the window is open. The light curtains move ominously in the breeze.

There is a weapons rack across the bed, and silently Obito backs up and palms a kunai in his hand. Gripping the handle, Obito carefully edges back out into the hallway.

A black shape darts out, and Obito whirls around.

Obito lunges toward him and attacks, an explosion of power. The man blocks, once, twice, then whacks Obito across the face. There is a sickening crack as the man's fist makes contact, but Obito jerks forward, dodging the next blow and spinning into a kick.

Punch, punch, kick. The man flips Obito over but Obito catches himself, springing back upward and vaulting into a flying kick through the air.

Contact. The man staggers. Obito whirls around and punches hard, once, twice, the third time he misses, the man dodging and hitting him square in the jaw. They stagger into the kitchen, where it's too dark to see. Obito's Sharingan flares. He dodges, lunges forward. The thin light from the movie pulses in the background.

Slam! He shoves a kunai against the assailant's neck, slamming him against the wall.

Obito's heart is thudding fast. Who was this? Was someone trying to assassinate him? He feels his throat constrict, the weight of a thousand boulders strangling him.

He's on the verge of another panic attack.

Obito's jaw tightens. He struggles to keep control, forces himself to slow his breathing. He grips the kunai harder.

And then, his assailant slowly starts to laugh.

"Splendid! Splendid! I should expect nothing less from the man who lived as Uchiha Madara!"

Obito pulls back, shocked. In the dark he hadn't recognized him. Madara's face splits into a slow grin.

"However," a black rod slowly worms out from Madara's arm, then presses menacingly against Obito's stomach, "once again, you have left yourself undefended."

Madara gives him a small poke, then retracts, raising his hands to show him. "Don't get too full of yourself," Madara says. "If I wanted to kill you, I already would have."

Obito lowers his kunai and the two men straighten. Obito's eyes narrow. "What do you want?"

"You are my daughter's teacher," Madara says. "It is only natural that I would want to see you."

On the TV, the heroine coos. "Oh! I never knew what love is until I met you!"

"I heard you were the one behind the Hokage nomination." Obito switches off the TV, flipping on the light. He turns back to Madara. "Why?" Obito says. Madara shrugs.

"I have children in this village," Madara says. "You could say I have a vested interest." Madara looks around. "A bento for one? How pathetic. If I had known you'd have such difficulties finding a partner, I wouldn't have worked so hard to kill your precious Rin."

Obito grabs Madara by the collar and slams him against the wall. "Why?" Obito says. "Why me? Why Hokage? What is it you're trying to do?"

Madara smirks. "It is a shame you have to ask."

"You're trying to find a way to manipulate them."

"Hm."

"What did you do?" Obito says. "Genjutsu them? Use mind-control to manipulate them?"

"I did nothing of the sort," Madara says. He pushes off Obito's arm and dusts off his shirt. "I merely gave them your name. Those simpletons at the council came to the same conclusion." Madara looks around. "This is your apartment?" Obito's eyes narrow.

"What's it to you?"

"It is a bit small, is it not?"

Obito glares.

"I mean no offense. I just remember you not being overly fond of too-small spaces."

"Just tell me what you want," Obito says. Madara turns.

"You've grown strong," Madara says. He looks Obito over. "I'd like to think I had a hand in it." Madara's eyes track over to the grocery bag of medications sitting on the desk.

Obito knows, without Madara having to say anything, that Madara is using his Sharingan to read the medications. Obito stalks over to the desk and grabs the bag.

"Let me spare you the trouble," Obito says, and he dumps the contents of the bag onto the table. "This is an antidepressant. This one is an anxiolytic. This one is for migraines and this one is for the shooting pains I still get in my face and limbs."

"Is that all?" Madara says. "And here I thought you were overly medicated."

"You manipulated me and tried to kill me. I was just a child. And you were a fucking psychotic old man--"

"You make it sound as if I somehow violated you. All I did was give you one small push - I did not inspire anything that wasn't already there."

"Killing Rin was not 'one small push'," Obito says. Madara spreads his hands.

"Agree to disagree, then," Madara says. "Believe it or not, Obito, I believed her death could be negated, so long as we stuck to the plan." Madara turns. His eyes flick upward.

"The world was imperfect," Madara says. "We both wanted the same thing. And if it meant eternal peace, it was a burden we both were willing to bear."

"So even now, you don't regret it?" Obito says. Madara sighs.

"I regret that it was what neither you nor I had wanted," Madara says. He picks up a bottle of medication, glancing at the label, before setting it down again. "I do not regret the original plan."

Obito scoffs. "That's not what I hear you told Hashirama."

"I tell Hashirama a lot of things. It is her own fault if she chooses to believe them." Madara looks around. "Do you have sake in this sorry place, or should we procure it elsewhere?"

Obito scowls. He moves swiftly to the other side of the kitchen and brings out a bottle.

"Ah," Madara says. "Good." He pours himself and Obito a drink."You asked me why I had them nominate you. The answer is quite simple. The Hokage is supposed to be the strongest shinobi in the village. You are my protégé and one of the few Uchiha left. If it is a matter of strength, then the answer is clear."

Madara sets down the bottle, pushing the glass toward Obito. "But you're right to question if I have an ulterior motive, and I do. I'm doing this for my children," Madara says. Obito knits his brow.

"Your children?" Obito says.

"My children are Uchiha in a village that shuns them," Madara says. He crosses his arms. "Don't you know what happened to my daughter?"

Obito sits back, listening. Madara leans forward.

"She was pulled out of her kindergarten class because those idiot teachers at the Academy claim she was bullying the other children. But I spoke to her, and do you know what she told me? She told me they were making fun of her. That her eyes were that of demons and that as an Uchiha she should have died. Those children made my daughter cry," Madara says, and his face darkens. "I would have killed them myself if not for Hashirama."

Obito's brow furrows. "You are telling me to become Hokage...because your daughter was bullied by other school children?"

"I am telling you to become Hokage because this village does not protect the Uchiha, it treats us like second-class citizens.

"I have children, Obito. I have a little girl who loves her school but wonders why the others won't be friends with her. I have two sons who will grow up in a world that will look at them with suspicion and contempt. If there is an Uchiha Hokage, my hope is that it can mitigate that."

Obito watches as Madara plays with the glass in front of him, and realizes Madara is telling the truth. "I want to talk to my Sensei, first," Obito says. Madara scoffs.

"Oh? You mean that yellow-haired weakling you tried to kill when you first attacked this village? Fine. Go talk to your Sensei. But know if you don't accept this position, your true Sensei will be very disappointed."

"Fuck you," Obito says. Madara rises. He starts to leave, but stops by the door.

"For what it is worth," Madara says, and Obito looks up, Madara's back facing toward him, "I do regret everything that happened. We betrayed each other for no good reason."

"I want you to leave," Obito says. Madara turns the door handle.

"I will see you again when I pick up my daughter," he says, and he walks out the door.

*****

Minato is spending the day with Naruto, but he can meet with Obito in the evening. "He's going to get ramen with Iruka. Maybe we can meet for dinner?" Minato says.

The sun is starting to set. Above them, the sound of crows echoes through the otherwise empty street, and the setting light is red and orange. Obito stands at the top of the hill and sees his Sensei walking up toward him. Their eyes meet and his Sensei smiles and waves at him.

They go to a barbecue restaurant on the other side of town. Meat sizzles on the grill, and Minato turns it over with a pair of chopsticks, grilling the other side.

"So," Minato says. He adds more meat onto the grill. "What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Obito hesitates.

"Sensei," Obito says.

"Hm?"

"They..." the meat sizzles. "They asked me to become Hokage."

Minato's face brightens. "That's great!" Minato says, but Obito lowers his eyes. Minato asks gently, "Why are you not happy?"

"I am happy. I'm flattered I'm being acknowledged, but..." Obito's hands tighten into fists. "But I don't know that I deserve it."

Minato smiles. "You of all people deserve it," Minato says. "You've always worked so hard to be your best, and you always helped other people."

"Sensei I tried to kill your wife and child--"

"I know," Minato says. "But I believe you've worked to atone for it. I know you'd be a great Hokage," Minato says.

The door to the restaurant opens, Naruto and Kakashi walking inside. Naruto sees them and his face brightens.

"Look Kakashi-sensei! It's Obito and my dad! Let's go sit with them, dattebayo!"

Minato turns and Obito quickly wipes his eyes, which are red and swollen. Naruto and Kakashi come over.

"I take it you talked to him?" Kakashi says to Obito. Obito smiles ruefully and nods. Naruto tilts his head quizzically.

Minato beams, proudly. "Naruto. Obito just found out he was chosen to be Hokage." Naruto's eyes widen.

"Eh?! Obito-san is going to be Hokage?!" Naruto's face splits into a grin. He pumps his fist. "That's so cool, dattebayo! Obito-san is gonna be a great Hokage--wait, Obito-san?! You're crying?!"

And Obito laughs, his eyes creasing into two crescent-shaped moons, smiling and wiping his eyes.

*****

10.

It's the day of the Naming Ceremony, and Madara's daughter is excited. "They're gonna pick a new Fire Shadow!" his daughter says, and she spins around the house yelling at topmost volume, "Fire Shadow! Fire Shadow! Fire Shadow!" She runs up and down the hallway excitedly.

Hashi is supposed to take her to the ceremony, but his daughter insists Madara come with them. "My Sensei is going to be the Fire Shadow, Daddy! I want you to come see him!"

"Your Sensei is an idiot. Why must your father see him?"

"Because it's my Sensei, Daddy!"

Madara cannot think of a good argument not to come, so he loads the other two children up in a wheelbarrow and pushes them through town. His daughter cranes her neck, trying her best to look out through the crowd of gawking civilians who have gathered. Madara sighs loudly, then picks her up, putting her on his shoulders.

"Look, look Daddy!" his daughter bounces on his shoulders. "There's my Sensei! See him?"

"I do," Madara says, and his daughter laughs and kicks her feet excitedly, hitting him in the chest. Hashi bites back a laugh.

"Anata. That was a good thing you did for Obito." It's nighttime now, and Hashi turns and snuggles Madara in bed. "Everyone thinks you're so terrible but you actually have your soft spots."

"Hmph." Madara sniffs. "I had my reasons."

Hashi hugs him. "Because even after all that's happened, you're still fond of him."

"No." Madara starts to laugh. "Because I can tell that over-emotional idiot to take me off that stupid team with the Uzumaki brat and the Taijutsu idiot!"

"Eh?"

Madara's eyes glitter. "Tsunade has long refused to remove me from my keepers. Anyone she would have picked would inevitably do the same. Now that Obito is in power, he can remove me from that team and let me work alone and in peace, the way it should be!"

Hashi frowns. "So, this whole thing you did - the heart-to-heart, the grudging apology, the acknowledgement of each other's strengths and weaknesses - that was just so you wouldn't be watched by Naruto and Gai?"

"YES!" Madara laughs psychotically. "And it worked! It worked all according to plan! Everything fell into place exactly as I wanted! Uchiha Madara will no longer bear the shackles of mediocre idiots! With this I have finally exacted revenge!"

Hashi frowns at him. "You are such an idiot," Hashi says.

[andersunmenschlich]

Episode 12: First Aid

Another snatched moment hour. Tonight I get the story of one Lesere Seraki, a nurse at St. Thomas Hospital in London.

The story takes place in 2012, two days before Christmas.

Lesere Seraki is working in the Accident and Emergency department that night, and is pleasantly surprised by the absence of fights and angry drunks, which apparently she was expecting. Sounds like the worst they got was some broken bones. It's 1:30 am when the ambulance arrives. They'd radioed ahead to tell Accident and Emergency to expect a couple burn victims (severe burns), so Lesere was ready for that.

Oddly, the waiting room's totally silent.

All the patients are still sitting there doing normal things—looking at phones, reading books, cradling injuries, comforting one another—but without making any sound.

Huh. Now, this makes me wonder. I've got really good hearing, so I can tell you that just because no one's talking doesn't mean a place is silent! The rustle of pages turning, the rasp of skin on paper, the thud of fingertips hitting screens or armrests or table tops (interspersed with the occasional sharp click of a nail), the constant cacophonous rush of air sweeping into and out of noses and mouths....

What does Lesere Seraki mean when she says "the A & E waiting room was totally silent"? Are we talking a supernatural, sound-deadening silence? Or just a normal, noisy, no one making deliberate mouth-noise silence?

She's surprised by it, so I'm inclined to think the silence was supernatural.

But then she says "not one of them spoke," which makes me think it was natural (and not really all that silent).

Whatever the case, the ambulance pulls up and Lesere runs out to help with the first patient. She notes that the doctor (Kaylee Grice) speaks very quietly: not quite a whisper, but near it. No one else seems to notice this, so Lesere concludes she's just having trouble hearing because she's very tired.

Hmm.

I'm often told that I speak very quietly, but from my perspective everyone else speaks far too loudly. They breathe too loudly, too. If there's some kind of something in this episode that's making people be quieter than usual, I think I just might like it, whatever it is. Even if all it's doing is keeping the chatter down, well, I'll take what I can get!

The hospital employees get the first patient to the only available treatment room, and Lesere Seraki gets started while Dr. Grice and the EMTs go back for the other one.

Lesere is 48, and has been a nurse for most of her life.

She's baffled by these burns. They're second-degree, and apparently they cover the patient's entire body—even under the undamaged clothes. Now, that's interesting. In fact, that's fascinating. I wonder what Ivo Lensik (from episode 8) would've looked like if Father Edwin Burroughs hadn't turned up in time. That heat seemed to come from inside him, remember? Wouldn't it be interesting if it only burned him, and didn't touch his clothes?

According to Lesere Seraki, patient one is a tall, heavy-set, athletically built middle-aged male with no hair (possibly it’s all been burned off), wearing a black suit and a white shirt.

Patient two is smaller and younger than patient one (Lesere guesses mid-thirties), and totally fine from the neck up—no burns at all. There's a clear line where the burns stop. This patient (also male) has long hair dyed black, no beard, a similar suit to patient one, and a very nice long black leather coat which Lesere feels bad about destroying.

Well, that is one of the many downsides to getting that badly injured: your clothes can't come off normally, they've got to be cut off.

Neither patient one nor patient two appears to be in any pain, which is weird. No screaming, crying, moaning... it's like they're sleeping peacefully. Well... I suppose if you've got to be horribly burned, dropping into some kind of healing coma wouldn't be a bad reaction, as reactions to that sort of thing go.

Ooh, and patient two is covered in tattooed eyes!

Now, what would make a person want to have tiny eyes tattooed on every joint in their body—knees, elbows, knuckles—and over their heart?

These clearly aren't normal tattoos, either. According to our statement-giver, every last one of them is untouched by burns. In fact they seem to have protected the areas around them a little bit too, in rings about a centimeter wide. Hmm. I wonder if that protection's more than skin deep? Since the heat in episode eight came from inside, I'd definitely expect some damage to have been done to the joints, unless....

Also, patient two reminds me of Kiritsugu. Or Wizard Dresden.

...Jared Keay?

Let me see, that was episode four. That story took place in the winter of 2012, and this story takes place in the winter of 2011, which means (if I'm right) that when Jared Keay stole Dominic Swain's very hot metal trash can... yes.

Dominic was worried that Jared would burn himself on the thing, and Jared "shrugged and said he'd had worse."

Well, this would certainly be worse!

That would also make our covered-in-eyes burn patient the guy who painted the picture of the eye I was so taken with in the study at Pinhole Books.

Is it just me, or are eyes kind of a recurring theme in this show? First there was Graham Folger in episode three, filling notebook after notebook with "keep watching," then there was that eye painting in episode four ("Grant us the sight that we may not know. Grant us the scent that we may not catch. Grant us the sound that we may not call"), then the bullet hole opening "like an eye" in Wilfred Owen's forehead in episode seven, that camera in episode nine (which I'm including mainly because I still don't understand why Robert Montauk was taking pictures he apparently didn't ever expect to be able to develop), and now there's this guy with eye tattoos all over him.

...Heheheh. "Jared Keay has an eye on his ankle...."

[cough] Anyway.

Dr. Kaylee Grice and the EMTs seem to have recovered their ability to speak loudly, which is a shame, and they're talking about what's up with patients one and two, which is wonderful because I really wanted to know.

Seems they were found in a building site near St. Mary's Churchyard, unconscious, by the fire brigade. Someone reported a fire, see... but when the brigade got there, there wasn't any fire. Some scorch marks on the ground, and a metal bar that had apparently been heat-warped (and two people covered in burns), but no actual fire. So they called an ambulance, because what else were they going to do?

Patient one was apparently an alien. Who carries nothing in their pockets? Even I've always got at least one knife.

Patient two was nearly as bad as patient one. Nearly. But not quite. Our long-haired, wizardy-looking friend was carrying 1) a Zippo lighter with (surprise, surprise) an eye on it, and 2) a old passport that identified him as Jared Keay. And apparently Jared Keay's been around!

Funny that the coat was in such good shape. From Lesere's description, it was practically brand new. Man, that's an unfortunate thing to lose.

Apparently he got another one, though.

The EMTs get another call and head out. The nurse and the doctor finish cleaning and bandaging all those full-body burns, then transfer the two to a ward with bed space and move on with the business of the night.

An hour or so later, Lesere Seraki's going to get more gauze, and passes through that ward.

The older burn victim is talking.

Or... chanting, more like. But really, really quietly, and not entirely in English. She says the first word sounded like "a sock" or "a sog," the next word like "veepalatch," and finally, in English, "the lightless flame." I think she might be skipping some words between "veepalatch" and the English, which makes sense—can't expect her to remember the whole thing. Though these statement-givers are usually really good at remembering details! Not to mention writing them well; but that's sort of essential, given that this is a podcast and if they were awful I wouldn't be listening.

"A sog," though... that makes me think of Sumerian mythology. Yeah, I didn't study that too much (I focused more on Greek, Roman, and Norse stuff), but it's ringing a faint bell. Lugal-e? I think there was a villain named Asag.

Yeah, they were some kind of rock troll or something? But with more supernatural powers than we think of stone people as having these days. Lessee, they used the sky for a club, howled like a storm, dried up the water of the mountains, tore trees out of the earth, set fire to the reed-beds, bathed the sky in blood—that kind of thing.

They also had kids, which were all made of different types of stone. Hematite kids, lapis lazuli kids, alabaster kids... all that. Even coal kids. In the end, Ninurta basically annihilates Asag and turns them into a heap of rocks, which gets used to build the underworld and also make some dams, I think, and then he assigns different fates to all the kids based on what they did or didn't do during his fight with Asag. Conveniently, this also lines up with the properties of the rocks. I remember it being a kind of just-so story, explaining why there's stone under the earth and why we use different types of rock for different things.

Don't know why anybody would be chanting about a rock troll, though, so....

Oh, and this chanting starts to make Lesere Seraki feel like Ivo Lensik in episode eight. "I started to feel warm, like there was a fever quickly creeping out towards my skin," she says.

...Whoa, hold up.

She says this isn't the first time she's had this reaction.

Tell me about the other times, Lesere!

And how the heck does taking a moment to center yourself make a supernatural burn-you-up-from-the-inside-out thing stop? There's something going on with this nurse.

She doesn't know what to do about the chanting, though, so she just checks patient one's bandages (they're fine) and carries on with her shift. But when she returns to the main Accident and Emergency reception, there's no one there.

She was just there less than five minutes ago.

Where could everyone possibly have gone? And why? She says there were more than thirty people there, then she steps out to get some gauze and they vanish?

There's no one at the reception desk, even! That can't possibly be right.

So she starts checking rooms, and the only people left are the ones who're too sick to move or hooked up to IVs, and they're all asleep. Which, at three in the morning, is probably what every daytimer wants to be—but they don't wake up when she makes some plausibly deniable attempts to wake them up (loud noises outside their rooms), which makes me think their sleep isn't entirely natural.

Then she hears a sort of growl, and notices that the floor is shaking. She can't figure out where it's coming from, and is getting more and more freaked out by the second.

I don't suppose finding the source calms her down any, because it's one of two vending machines—all the drinks inside it are boiling so violently they're exploding. In half a minute they're all completely wrecked, and the growling sound stops.

She decides to leave.

I think that's a sane decision, under the circumstances. I mean, apparently everyone else has!

But when she gets to the door, she notices that the plastic at each end of the metal handles is a bit... melty. She tests the temperature with the back of her hand (a good thing for checking temperature with), and sure enough—that door is just radiating intense heat.

Well, she's obviously not getting out that way.

On her way to another exit, though, she hears patient one still chanting.

She's so keyed up at this point that she heads in with the incoherent goal of making him stop. No clear idea of how she's going to do it, mind you. She has the vague thought that she'll stick her hand over his mouth.

That... doesn't seem like a great plan to me. I mean, we know things around here have a tendency to be unexpectedly hot right now, don't we?

At least she should check his face like she did the door.

Before she can burn all the skin off her palm, however, somebody grabs her wrist. Somebody with a body temperature notably higher than average. Jared Keay shakes his head at Lesere Seraki, and she screams at him.

Boy, she is all keyed up.

He drops her wrist straightaway and says sorry, it's just touching patient one would have been a bad idea.

He's obviously in horrible pain, but doing his best to hide it, pretend nothing's wrong, and keep functioning. I empathize with that extremely. I think I might like Jared Keay, and not just because he shares my taste in coats.

In any case, the two of them stare at each other awkwardly for a while.

Jared, it seems, is waiting for Lesere to ask him what's going on. I'd quite like her to ask what's going on.

Lesere, however, says "something told me that if there was a coherent explanation for everything that had happened since the ambulance arrived, then I would be no better off for knowing it."

Oh, for Pete's sake!

Who doesn't want information? Simply knowing is useful! Just having the information makes you better off! Sure, you may not want others to know you know, but knowing itself is never a bad thing. As a certain statue says, "Knowledge is the greatest gift." Even if there's nothing you can do about a thing, at least you know!

[sigh]

Well, anyway. There's silence for a while, then Jared asks about his stuff. Apparently he had more than just a lighter and a passport!

He's most interested in a small book bound in red leather and a brass pendant he'd been wearing. Ooh, would that pendant be what protected him from the neck up? And somebody took it. Somebody who didn't finish the burn job after the theft. That's... huh. Well, it's a bit of a weird way to go about a robbery.

Oh.

Lesere Seraki is exceedingly creeped out by Jared Keay.

Apparently she thinks that somebody with second-degree burns over eighty percent of his body shouldn't be standing up and walking around, especially given how much painkiller he's got in him (yeah, he should be awfully woozy).

So there's silence again while Jared processes the fact that his book and his necklace have been stolen and Lesere carries on being spooked.

Then Jared nods at her and limps away.

She follows him, wanting to know what he's doing. What he's doing, apparently, is putting in the code for the supply closet, which frankly he shouldn't know. Oh, and he's stealing a scalpel. ...Oh, and he's going to murder patient one. Well, that's... unexpected.

As a nurse, Lesere Seraki figures she'd better stop him. But stuff around him starts to boil, and so (given this new information), she comes to a different conclusion, and steps aside.

...To which Jared Keay says something that makes no sense.

"Yes. For you... better beholding than the lightless flame."

Ooookey-dokey. Well. Lessee. Patient one was ranting about "the lightless flame," and Jared Keay is clearly obsessed with eyes, so that seems to line up. Hmm. Maybe he's trying to pick a thing to do to Lesere, and he's decided to go with the eye one instead of the burning one. Ugh, but if he can control the burny thing, why's he burned? And using a scalpel instead of whatever's making things around him boil?

Well, whatever.

Jared Keay unwraps the scalpel, mutters a few words, and stabs patient one (who's still chanting) in the neck.

...Ohhh. And this initiates a full-on, flameless, apparently heatless cremation. Okey-dokey. Yup. I take it back—clearly Jared's got a handle on this thing. Even the scalpel gets ashed, which is really handy in terms of disposal of a murder weapon.

He sweeps the ashes into the bedpan and asks Lesere to dispose of them.

As a nurse, she knows where the medical waste bins are. Handy. And as she's walking the corridor, she spots Dr. Grice at the other end. She runs to go check, and sure enough—everybody's back, being just as noisy as she'd expect them to be. She actually cries, she's so relieved.

Jared stays in the hospital for another four days, then his mom comes and gets him, which is a good trick given her death in 2008, but hey, we know what Mary Keay's like.

Oh, and apparently Lesere changed her mind about wanting to know.

Yeah, try talking to him about what happened now, Lesere Seraki, now that everything's back to normal and there are people everywhere. It's too late! You had your chance and you blew it! Argh!

...And now she's just trying not to think about it.

Whee.

All right, I'll admit there are things I try not to think about—but they're things I know, and even though I don't like thinking about them, particularly, I wouldn't unknow them if I could. It's good to know things! You don't have to think about them all the time, but it's good to be able to if you need to! People like this... yeah, I don't understand people like this at all.

Oh, and she says she gets the feeling of being watched when she's alone on the wards. Not threatened, not protected, not judged either positively or negatively: just watched.

So I was right! Jared Keay was deciding which thing to hit her with. Well, well.

Jonathan Sims says Sasha was able to get access to the hospital records for that time, and they back up Lesere Seraki's story. He also says "Asag is the name of a demon in Sumerian mythology associated with disease and corruption," which sounds to me like he's got Asag mixed up with the Asakku, which is quite easy to do since they share the same name, but Asag was one being and the Asakku were many, so....

And then he says something about Asag being "able to boil fish alive in their rivers," which I don't remember from the Lugal-e at all.

The closest thing to that would be, I think, when the hurricane that went before the hero Ninurta "flooded out the fish there in the subterranean waters" and "reduced the animals of the open country to firewood, roasting them like locusts." But that was the hero's doing, not Asag's. Hmm. Ninurta also "caused bilious poison to run over the rebel lands," making sick the people who had turned from him to acknowledge Asag as their ruler.

But, again, that's the hero making people sick, not Asag, so....

I really don't know where Mr. Sims is getting his information here. Though it does make way more sense that patient one would’ve been talking about the Asakku, not Asag! (Yeah, it’s the same name in Sumerian, but different in Akkadian... whatever, it’s language, what’re you gonna do.)

Anyway, he goes on to say that Martin thinks "veepalatch" might be a mishearing of a Polish word which I'm going to use Google to look up: "wypalać."

This seems more reliable than the stuff Jonathan was coming up with earlier. Honestly, my opinion of this Martin is higher than my opinion of our narrator: Martin hasn't shown any signs of being anything but competent and reliable, while Jonathan Sims is, well... he's skeptical and trusting in strange places, let's put it that way.

Mr. Sims says he can't find anything conclusive on "the lightless flame."

He says it crops up in a lot of different contexts throughout various esoteric literatures.

Okay, I call shenanigans. We've been listening to him record this whole time, there've been no clicks, it's not like he took a break to do research and then came back! And we know it's other people who do the pre-reading research, not him.

Come to that, when did he look up "wypalać"?

Well, all right—that one he could look into easily enough on a smartphone. And maybe the podcast editors cut out the pause for Googling because it'd be annoying for listeners. But there's just no way he went through "various esoteric literatures" on his phone! That's just... no. Nope, my suspension of disbelief doesn't go that far.

Ugh. Well, I suppose it might. But I'd prefer to think that all this knowing-stuff-it-shouldn't-be-possible-for-him-to-know nonsense isn't just the result of the podcasting format.

...Which, now that I've put it that way, reminds me of Jared Keay and his knowing the code to the supply closet.

Huh.

Anyway, according to John Tyndall in Heat Considered as a Mode of Motion, if you mix hydrogen with pure oxygen you get pure aqueous vapor. Ignite that, and you get a lightless flame, much hotter than an ordinary flame. Laboratory: A Weekly Record of Scientific Research, Volume 1 says much the same thing: "Though it is clear that the luminosity of certain flames increases with their temperature, we must not forget that hydrogen burns in oxygen with an intensely hot, but almost lightless flame. The hydrogen flame in air has a temperature of 3376° Fahrenheit, but in oxygen it rises to 7364°."

Then, of course, there's The Complete Old English Poems, where there's a Biblical poem about the fallen angels: "They warmed to power and fell into fire / A candling darkness, a lightless flame / A terrible truth dawned on them too late / They traded God's glory for hell's grim fate."

But mostly I'm turning up stuff like this patent thingy—

"The Petitioners are the proprietors of Welsbach's patent, taken out in 1885 for incandescent gas-lighting. Welsbach; instead of using the flame of gas in the ordinary way so that the particles of carbon in the gas produced the light, mixed the gas with air as in a Bunsen burner, and so got a lightless flame with considerable heat; he hung over that a mantle, which became white hot and incandescent, and produced a greater light with the same quantity of gas than could be produced in the old way of incandescent carbon in the gas."

—and other sciency stuff, which I suppose tells you something about my Google search habits.

Never mind that. What I'm saying is: I don't think a smartphone would let Jonathan Sims do the kind of research he's claiming to have done here. It'd take hours in a special library or something.

Mr. Sims says it hasn't escaped his notice that this is the second time Jared Keay has turned up in his tape recordings. He'd like to get a statement from him (and so would I!) but apparently Jared died "late last year," whenever that is. Brain tumor. He holds out hope that Jared might've already given a statement, and it's just hidden in the mess somewhere. I certainly hope so. That ought to be good, assuming it wasn't given before he figured things out.

Lesere Seraki's still alive.

...And she still gets the watched feeling every once in a while, but otherwise everything's normal with her.

Ooh, but Sasha didn't just get access to the hospital admissions and discharge records! She also got access to their CCTV footage! Dang, these "assistants" are awesome. How are they so good at their jobs? These people are amazing.

At 3:11:22, everybody in the Accident and Emergency waiting room (28 people, by Mr. Sims's count) just got up and left. Like it was a fire drill or something (except it wasn't). Then Lesere goes in and out a few times, once stares at something under the camera (which Mr. Sims figures is the vending machine—shame, it would've been cool to have that on camera, assuming the camera was good enough to pick up more than pixelly blurs), and then at 3:27:12 everybody just files back in.

It's video without sound, so verifying that's out.

Oh, well now.

Sasha noticed that at 3:22:52, the feed cuts out and—for less than a second—there's a close-up on a human eye. Yeah, okay, "recurring theme" indeed, you're just rubbing it in our faces now.

This is really cool! I definitely feel like things are starting to come together.

So there's some kind of magical power called beholding, and another one called the lightless flame, and you can use the lightless flame spell to burn people without messing up their clothes (or beds) and boil things and turn doors too hot to touch, and the beholding spell to... make people feel watched? Learn the codes to hospital supply closets?

...Research stuff you obviously couldn't have researched normally?

Hmm.

[dillydedalus]

october reading

 books. i read ‘em.

the bird king, g. willow wilson ugh i’m disappointed with this - i expected it to be more about the fall of granada, rather than just taking that as a jumping-off point for a very slow story of how fatima (concubine to the last andalusian sultan) and her bff hassan (magical mapmaker) escape from lady inquisitor luz to a magical/legendary island. that’s more of an expectation mismatch, but i also found this just a bit boring and confused, didn’t like the characters or the emotional moments. 2.5/5

lanark: a life in four books, alasdair gray y’all... this is a weirdo pomo mess which gray himself describes as ‘a portrait of the artist as a frustrated young glaswegian’ (instant love), it’s about duncan thaw growing up in post-war glasgow (not a good place) and lanark, sans memories, finding himself in the city of unthank (probably The Bad Place), where the sun hardly ever shines and people grow dragonskin, but really it’s about art & cities & politics & scotland & hell. it’s completely nuts & has a chapter where the protagonist meets the author in the process of writing and there’s a chapter-long sidebar detailing all instances of plagiarism in the book (incl. the lack of influence from robert burns, more sinister than all plagiarism). it’s a bit flabby in places & could stand to be a 100-200 pages shorter, but damn. 4/5

the memory police, yoko ogawa (tr. from japanese by stephen snyder) very atmospheric, quietly disturbing magical realist(ish) book about an island on which sometimes certain things (birds, roses, ribbons, fruit) just disappear, with the inhabitants losing their memories and emotional connection to the thing. the disappearances seem to occur randomly and on their own, but the memory police makes sure that no disappeared items remain and that those who can still remember also... disappear. really liked the quiet slow dread building here, the mysterious workings of the disappearances, and the interplay between the main story and the novel the narrator is writing while worrying whether words too will soon disappear. 4/5

trick mirror: reflections on self-delusion, jia tolentino collection of nine essays about roughly, life & self-image & politics in the social media age (and its predecessor, the reality tv age), gender politics and uh scams and self-delusions. many of these essays felt vaguely like things i’d read before online (& i might have) & didn’t offer anything completely new but i liked the examinations of big wedding culture, and her take on the ‘difficult woman’ archetype of millenial feminism. tolentino in general is an engaging, sharp writer, and even when she’s writing about familiar topics, she often puts an interesting spin on things. 3.5/5

here in berlin, cristina garcía and the anglophone-berlin-books saga continues. a cuban-american woman with a mild personal crisis goes to berlin (as people w/ personal crises so often do) and there collects a variety of snapshot stories from berliners (by birth or choice or accident), mostly about world war 2 and the latin american diaspora in berlin. some of the snapshots are p interesting or bizarrely funny but mostly they retread the same ground (history, trauma, collective & personal responsibility, commemoration etc) without really saying anything new (except the connection garcía makes between the nazis and south american dictatorships). there’s also a pretty annoying attempt to create authenticity by peppering in german words and phrases which sometimes aren’t even appropriate or spelled correctly* (get a german proofreader you cowards i’ll do it for free... like wtf is ‘volkenbrot’). 2/5 *i ordered it used and got an ARC, so maybe some of these issues were fixed for the final version but lmao. volkenbrot. 

wilder girls, rory power this is annihilation as YA, set on an island called raxter where a mysterious illness called the tox has taken over, transforming the wilderness, the animals (deers grow canines y’all), and most of all the girls at raxter boarding school. the narrator’s eye has fused shut & something is growing under it, her friend has grown an extra spine, other girls have gills or claws. less fortunate girls (and most of the teachers) just die. there was a lot i liked about this, especially the tox and the ambivalent relationships the girls have to their changed bodies, but the last third just... eh. also, like, i like tumblr monster-girl poetics as much as the next person, but this is really overdoing it. 2.5/5

nach mitternacht (after midnight), irmgard keun KEUN HYPE TRAIN!!! this one’s super interesting because it’s the first novel keun wrote in exile, published 1937 and set at around the same time. the protagonist, sanne, is a naive and politically uneducated 19-year-old who is repeatedly & very dramatically confronted with the political reality she lives in, first when her aunt denounces her to the gestapo and later when her boyfriend franz is arrested. for most of the (very short) novel, sanne is observing and not quite understanding the increasing legal discrimination against jews, culture of paranoia and denouncement, and glorification of fascist ideology, which makes for a very disturbing reading experience, especially with the reader’s retrospective knowledge, but the climax is truly nightmarish & devastating. 4/5

children of god, mary doria russell the sequel to the sparrow, which i read & loved earlier this year. in this one, emilio sandoz, still in recovery from the trauma of his first trip to the planet rakhat, is forced to return there (bc the pope thinks it’s god’s will lol) and finds the planet changed after decades (space travel makes time weird) of revolution and civil war. i liked this but it’s not as good as the sparrow, the characters (except my man emilio) aren’t as interesting & well-developed and the dual timeline structure isn’t as well-executed but hey. there’s some closure for emilio & that made me hella emosh. 3.5/5

the wilful princess & the piebald prince, robin hobb a novella telling the true (?) story of charger farseer, the piebald prince, a historical figure that has great influence on the six duchies of fitz’s time, especially regarding the treatment of the witted (people who can magically bond with aninmals) and how fitz is framed & reviled as the ‘witted bastard’. this was cool & i enjoyed how it twists the story, but it’s not worth reading if you haven’t read the main series. 3/5

the inheritance, robin hobb/megan lindholm collection of short stories by hobb under her two pseudonyms - i mostly skipped the lindholm ones (sorry), but the three hobb ones were really really good. the first is about the first expeditions into the rain wilds (i love the cursed shores so much & wish there was a full trilogy about the first settlers there), the second is about bingtown & wizardwood, the third is about how sometimes you gotta kill your abusive ex & if you’re lucky, your cat will help you do it. it’s great & the cat is called marmelade. 4/5 for the hobb stories only

unholy land, lavie tidhar alternate history + multiple realities + high-concept pulp - lior tirosh, a pulp author (it’s meta) returns to his homeland, the jewish state palestina, established in east africa in the early 20th century, and there becomes involved in... rival plots to destroy/stabilise the borders between the worlds, not only between this alternate one and our real one, which tirosh seems to occasionally slip into, but all the million others, including one where the moon broke. love the concept, but this is so vague & confusing on so many points and the ending so abrupt that i was left kinda frustrated & unsatisfied (also bc we never find out much more about the world where the moon broke). 3.5/5

tigermilch (tiger milk), stefanie de velasco german ya book about two teen girls growing up in a poor neighbourhood in berlin. nini’s father is absent, her mother depressed, while jameelah’s father died in iraq and her mother is worried that they might be deported, and their bosnian friend amir’s sister is dating a serb. it’s some pretty harrowing stuff & it’s good to see Issues (TM) addressed in german ya in a way that doesn’t feel super didactic & preachy, but ultimately i’m really not the target audience here. 3/5

sea monsters, chloe aridjis

weirdo brainy dreamy novella about a girl in 80s mexico running away from mexico city to the beach because she’s looking for ukrainian circus dwarfs (???). i liked a lot about this (atmosphere, poetic & mythical allusions, a lot of the writing, the depictions of mexico city and the weird beach culture are both really cool) but a lot of the time this was so dreamy that i just kinda zoned out. 3/5

i am currently reading emma by jane austen bc i forgot about my monthly austen project until the last few days of the month lol & one of the hugo long list anthologies. the one with the cool fox on it.

[margridarnauds]

fandomswillruinmylife replied to your post “grendelsmilf: u know those shows that are so full of potential but...”

Why do you wanna rewrite merlin? I’m on S4E9 (when lancelot comes back from the dead) and it’s good so far (except for Morgana, my baby does not deserve to suffer like this)

Alright, so I’ll TRY not to spoil you too much. 

For me, personally, the show never lived up to its premise, nor did it really....have a consistent view on its own morality? It’s generally acknowledged that Uther did a Very Bad Thing when it came to relentlessly persecuting sorcerors, but then, time after time again, Merlin refuses opportunities to either end or diminish that persecution or to kill Uther, even in circumstances where Uther’s death wouldn’t have been directly tied to magic. Merlin ultimately ended up caring more for ARTHUR and Arthur’s wellbeing than his own people, and unfortunately, Arthur never proved himself worthy of that kind of loyalty. Which could have been a FASCINATING take on an unreliable narrator and the development of a narrative over time, but the writers unfortunately didn’t have the self-realization to realize what they were actually writing on the page. Again, I’ll avoid MAJOR spoilers, but during the time he’s king...a lot’s discussed, the audience is told many things about how he’s A Better Man Than His Father, but then we never really SEE it, just like we’re expected to believe that Gwen and Arthur are True Love™ because the soundtrack decided to add in Swelling String Music in the background. 

And...really...

Look, I GET that the fandom loved Merthur. I really, really do. But at the same time, they never really rise BEYOND the “Hahaha stupid servant” thing. It’s very, very funny when one person tosses things at another, hits them, belittles them, etc., because it’s two guys, amiright! Sometimes, there are these little moments where they come close, and it’s cute (and then the writers pull back), but ultimately? I would say it’s fairly toxic, as a relationship. And normally, I don’t particularly care, because so many things that I ship are absolutely wretched, but this is someone who Merlin’s willing to risk his people for? There’s no...development. There’s this ongoing cycle of taunting, “Oh, look, Arthur’s not a complete tool after all,” and then...whoops, back to Square One because lol emotions are funny. I guess my main thing is: If they’re going to be friends, you have to SHOW them as friends, and you have to show them evolving beyond the servant/master dynamic. Because otherwise, watching a character getting ordered around by someone that’s supposed to be a friend? Isn’t really my cup of tea. Note: BY THE SECOND EPISODE, Arthur was canonically willing to believe Merlin when he was like “lol Valiant’s a little bitch.” Because the writers certainly did in later seasons. 

The treatment of Morgana, you’ve already pointed out. She deserved better as a character; she had SO much potential, but they left her fall to the equivalent of flipping a switch. And...personally, I got TIRED of how sanctimonious the cast could be towards her. Arthur and Merlin can preach about how she should rise above years of Uther’s abuse to her, but ultimately...that was HER experience. Arthur, Gwen, and Merlin ALL suffered at Uther’s hands, but...coming from experience, the way that a given victim will react to an abuser can vary. She’s ALLOWED to be angry. You don’t HAVE to love your abuser, or forgive them, or wish them well, and after what she was put through? Also, I’ll never forgive the writers for making the scene where Merlin POISONS HER about his pain.  “Oh, look at our woobie protagonist, he’s crying :(” YEAH, AND MORGANA’S CHOKING TO DEATH RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, TRYING TO GET AWAY BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T WANT HER WOULD-BE MURDERER TOUCHING HER. 

I’m calm. I’m calm. 

That Fucking Dragon. Get rid of it. If you can’t develop your main cast’s relationships organically and have to rely on Destiny™, you can’t write. IF you’re going to keep That Fucking Dragon, then at least let him be a LEGITIMATELY shady character. Like, Merlin goes from “OH SHIT KILGARRAH’S OFF HIS SHITS AND IS GOING TO BURN CAMELOT TO A CRISP. WHO KNEW HE HAD AN AGENDA ALL ALONG?” to “Ah, well, I’m going to take this action because my BFF Kilgarrah said so.” There’s no real consistency there. 

Also the inconsistencies with Mordred, but I’ll skim that since you’re not there yet. Suffice it to say, they could have split him into two separate characters and it would have done very little. They never knew WHAT to do with the damn kid. 

Okay, but strictly speaking, what I would change: 

The timeline. That’s it. The show stretched itself out too much, ESPECIALLY with Uther. Look, I love Anthony Head, I love Anthony Head as Uther. He’s a delightful asshole who even has a few moments of sympathy despite being a genocidal asshat. 

But Uther had to go. There’s a REASON why most Arthurian adaptations begin with the death of Uther, and that’s because, as long as he’s around, things are kept static. Merlin stumbles around, trying to save the day, Prince Arthur alternates between heroism and prattishness, usually within ten seconds of one another, he and Gwen look longingly at one another as Swelling String Music Plays, Morgana smirks...nothing CHANGES. 

Ergo, you’ve got to get rid of Uther ~S1-2. I lean towards S2, so you can get a little time to develop him/his relationship to Arthur and The Igraine Drama. Cut The Troll Episode, cut a few other filler episodes, and just. Kill Uther. That gives you time to develop Arthur as a KING, while also not making the switch to King Arthur seem jarring. Spend some time on the magical ban, have Merlin GENUINELY try to do something for people like him. I’d probably set The Magic Reveal around S3-S4, with the last episode of the series being the establishment of the Golden Age of Camelot, with Merlin being appointed Court Magician.

 Sometime in those few extra seasons, I WOULD like to see Morgana have an arc of her own. Not even necessarily a full REDEMPTION arc, because I’m not sure there’s anyway for her and her brother/the court of Camelot to be on solid terms, but at least something where she has to really...figure out what’s best for her people, as a High Priestess. She can’t TRUST Arthur and Merlin, but they’re also offering a way out. One of the common things I’ve seen people argue about her sloppy writing was that Morgana HAD to be evil because that’s part of the Arthurian myths, but the figure of Morgan le Fay’s been very flexible throughout the years; in her first appearances, she was benevolent. I would like to see her THERE, having reached a truce with the others. Just as Arthur rises to the kingship, she gains power in her own way. There’s no need to take it to Camlann.

Gwen and Arthur....I would put more threads of it in S1. I’m not sure it would EVER be my Number 1 ship, because it has Arthur in it, but the DEVELOPMENT needs to be there. And, whatever happens with her and Lancelot, I wouldn’t have them being FORCED into it by Morgana. For me, that completely annihilates the pain of Arthur/Gwen/Lancelot. If Uther can make vague references to keeping Morgana’s mother company while Gorlois was away, I THINK the audience can handle Gwen having conflicting feelings towards two men. Maybe Arthur’s different now that he’s king, not the more carefree prince she knew who turned her from a maid to a queen. Maybe the kingdom’s under invasion, maybe he’s finding out that his father left far more of a mark than he thought and he has to reconcile the fact that he STILL loves his father with knowing that the man was a monster, maybe he doesn’t EXACTLY understand the amount of pressure she’s under to be The Perfect Queen, since the court will take any opportunity it can to rip her apart. And she loves him, of course she does, and she’s grateful to him, but Lancelot’s there, and he’s concerned for Arthur too, and he understands what it’s like to rise above his station. I’m not asking for a full on soap opera storyline, but IF you’re going to put Lancelot/Guinevere in there, then you have to do it in a way that respects the characters rather than just ticking points off a checklist. (Especially given that the show completely went away from Arthurian myth at various points, so it’s not like they HAD to bring it in. And the lovely thing with Arthuriana is that you can bring in or take out pretty much whatever you want; the genre is endlessly adaptable.)

Also, we were robbed of a Merlin-style Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. ROBBED. (Christmas special, anyone?)

[the-panda-writes]

Chapter 2

Pairings: slight Steve Rogers/[TW/R/2] if you squint

Summary: The reader helps with the decision for the candidate of Project: Rebirth and develops feelings for Steve, even though she doesn’t fully comprehend them yet.

Warnings: Nothing much in this one!

A/N: I’m basically watching the movie and copying the dialogue as much as I can to make it accurate and adding my own stuff!! I do not own anything in this story, jut the story in itself!!

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

(gif not mine!!)

Previously...

After Hobbs regained his footing, Phillips began to speak. “General Patton said ‘Wars are fought by soldiers but are won by men.’ We are gonna win this war because we have the best… Men..” Phillips stuttered as his gaze fell on the short man. “and that they are gonna get better.”

“Doctor Erskine has chosen Colonel Phillips, Agent Carter, and myself to choose a recipient for Project: Rebirth.” I say, stepping up and standing next to Peggy.

“This project will decide which one of you will be a start. A start, of a new breed of supersoldiers. The leader of this group will personally escort Adolf Hitler to the gates of Hell.” Phillips stated, looking over at the line of cadets.

I look right at the slender man, gazing into his blue eyes. He catches my look and I smile kindly to him, making him flustered.

“Shall we begin?”

After weeks of training cadets, I notice the small one, now known as Steve Rogers, is falling behind on most, if not all, physical training. Yet, I sense greatness in him and apparently Dr. Erskine sees it as well.

Peggy started to see after Rogers showed his intelligence from getting the flag without even climbing the flagpole to reach it.

Peggy and I are supervising the cadets as they do pushups, seeing that Steve is still struggling.

“C’mon, girls.” I say, trying to motivate them a bit. The others are still faring better than Steve.

“My grandmother has more spirit than you, God rest her soul.” Peggy states to the cadets as I glance over to Phillips and Dr. Eskine talking. I look closer and I see that Phillips picks up an object from the vehicle behind him, a part pops off and he throws it.

“GRENADE!!” Phillips shouts. Peggy and I run for cover as well as most of the recruits, but one covers it with his entire body.

“GET AWAY!!” The slender man yell out of worry. “GET BACK!”

After finding out that it was a disabled grenade, I look over to Dr. Erskine to see him smiling. I knew, because of that smile, he found the perfect candidate.

Later on that evening, I follow Dr. Erskine into the men’s barracks. I see that he had brought a bottle of his favorite alcohol from his home country. I’ve had it a few times myself, but I don’t drink much nowadays. Music is playing in the background as we walk in, seeing that Steve is alone.

“Can’t sleep?” The doctor asks the young man.

“Got the jitters, I guess. Ma’am.” Steve says, acknowledging my presence. 

We both chuckle, the doctor saying that he’s a bit nervous as well. We all are. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Steve asks as we sit on a bed opposite him.

“Just one?” 

“Why me?” he asks, possibly wonder about how. 

“I suppose that is the only question that matters.” Dr. Erskine says. He then begins to talk about his home, reminiscing and telling Steve that his country was the first to be invaded by the Nazis, even though it was theirs as well. He continued to talk about his people and how they struggled, even after the first World War. He weaves a tale on how Hitler heard of him and his work, demanding his service. Then he tells on how Hitler sent Schmidt, the head of Hitler’s research division, Hydra. He explains to Steve how Schmidt believed in the powers of the occult, striving to become superior than others. Dr. Erskine tells of how Schmidt heard of his formula, craving its power.

“Did it make him stronger?” Steve asks.

“Yes, but there were other... side effects.” Erskine then goes to tell Steve, explaining that the serum nor Schmidt were ready. “The serum amplifies all that is inside. Good becomes great; bad becomes worse.”

Steve then nods in understanding.

“This is why you were chosen.” I speak up, Steve looking at me. “Because a strong man, who has known power all his life, will lose respect for that power.”

“But a weak man, knows the value of strength and knows... compassion.” Erskine says after me, a kind smile on his face. 

“Thanks, I think.” Steve says, trying to understand a little of what we said. 

Erskine then offers a glass to Steve, soon pouring some of the shnops in it. He makes Steve promise to stay true to himself; not a perfect soldier, but a good man.

“To the little guys.” Steve toasts and they bring their glasses together, them making a klink noise.

But when Steve goes to take a sip, Erskine stops him, reminding him he as a procedure tomorrow. No fluids.

I just giggle as Erskine pours Steve’s drink into his glass and drinks it. Erskine then leaves, wishing Steve a good night.

“So, are you nervous about tomorrow as well, [TW/R/2]?” Steve asks me. I just chuckle, smiling at him.

“Everyone is. Anything can go wrong, but I have a good feeling about it.” I tell him, straightening my skirt. 

“How do you know the doctor?” 

“Curiouser and curiouser, aren’t you?” I say in a teasing tone, making him blush. “When I joined, it took me a while to be where I am and Dr. Erskine helped somewhat. I became his assistant, but now we see each other as equals.” I say, smiling. “He’s become like a second father to me.”

“You must respect him greatly, then.”

“Yes...” I say to him, my gaze elsewhere. After a moment of silence, I break it. “Well, I should possibly head to bed.”

“Yea, me too. Big day tomorrow.” Steve says, getting ready for bed. 

“Here.” I place a small peck on his cheek. “For good luck.” Steve just looks at me in shock and I laugh a little. “Good night, Steve. Pleasant dreams.” 

I didn’t hear what he said because he was stuttering it, but I think he said the same.

The morning goes by in a blur as we reach the secret facility in which the procedure will happen. There are a lot of government officials in the upper rooms as we walk in.

As we go down the staircase, a sudden flash hits all of us. Dr. Erskine tells the photographer to go away, then telling Steve to take off his shirt, tie and hat. Steve then goes to lay down in the transformation chamber. They have a little chat as I go over to check the levels.

“Mr. Stark?” I hear Erskine call out for as he steps forward. “How are your levels?” 

“Levels are at one-hundred percent. We may dim half the lights in Brooklyn, but we are ready... as we’ll ever be.” Stark says as he goes to get ready. 

I see Peggy go up the small staircase and into the viewing room that will overlook the procedure. She looks to me and I nod to her reassuringly.

Dr. Erskine then grabs a microphone to begin the procedure. “Ladies and gentlemen. Today, we take not another step towards annihilation, but the first step to peace.”

I go to Steve and place the pads connected to the chamber and press them lightly against him as two gentlemen bring up the container holding the serum bottles.

As Erskine explains what is happening, I grab a few bottles and place them in the machine that will inject the serum into Steve’s body. As Erskine approaches, I give him some penicillin, making Steve wince a bit. 

“That wasn’t so bad.”

“That was penicillin.” Erskine says making me smile. “Serum infusion in five...four...”

The syringes come out and latch onto Steve’s arms.

“Three... two...” Erskine places a comforting hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“One.” As he said that, an assistant flipped the switch and the chamber began to rise, closing our view of Steve’s body as the procedure commenced.

Tags: @a-nerds-clipboard, @a-stumpsexuals-world (Add yourself I you want to be tagged!!)

[millennial-star-gazer]

Grey Days( reuploadfrom dragon-shield-maiden account)

Grey Days

Vera's May Prompt Challenge 2018 Prompt(s)9when on dragon-shieldmaiden): "Don't leave me! (Sort of implied in an angsty sense of the word) Genres: Romance, Fantasy, Friendship/Family, Angst/Drama Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy(due to this being from Natsu's/E.N.D's Perspective), Gothic fiction, and Poetry

Characters: Natsu/E.N.D, Lucy , Gray, Diamara, Igneel and Zeref Pairing: Nalu/Endlu (Natsu x Lucy/ E.n.d Natsu x Lucy)

Rating: K+-T for some violence, references to death, mature and dark themes. Reader Discretion is advised for those younger than 12 or 13 years and/or anyone who may not at the level of development (maturity) to handle such heavy subject matter . Side note: Please use your own judgement and proceed with caution before deciding to read If uncertain as to whether you're comfortable with such themes.

Summary: Without his most precious star and father's light, the demon of hellfire is lost—all days perpetually gray. For the loss of his beloved really does drive the heart mad. A retelling of the events surrounding Natsu's/E.n.d's transformation (chapters 503-505) from his perspective in poem form. Title taken from the song of the same name by Chelsea Wolfe. Originally  For Vera's May Prompt Challenge and  Nalu angst week 2018 on previous accounts . Nalu/Endlu

A/N: Hey guys, it's your girl Millennial Stargazer (formerly known as twishadowhunter/ comsicdragonqizard/dragon-shield-maiden/star-crossed-dragon! I'm finally back under a new name (on fanfiction and tumblr as millennial-star-gazer) after months of forced hiatus due to personal extenuating circumstances (which can be explained via private message for those who already don't know why) This time it's an reupload of an installment in the wonderful universe of Fairytail—an angsty gothic little ditty retelling the events of chapters 503-505 and other related chapters mostly from Natsu/E.n.d's perspective which was originally as an entry for Vera's May Prompt Challenge and for Nalu angst week 2018 on my previous dragon-shield-maiden account (tumblr). As you may know, the title is taken from the evocative song of the same name by the lovely Chelsea Wolfe which has heavily inspired the poem.

Yes, I know there's been a lot of poems on my profiles, though I do also write other kinds of non-poetry works if my ongoing fics Tantric Flames and the Draconic Demon -soon to be reuploaded by the way- among others are anything to go by). Also partially by Within Temptation's The Heart of Everything plus the musical body of works from Peter Grundy (Bury My Heart) Brunuhville (River of Tears), Nights Amore (This Dreadful Emptiness , That Which is Called Void, Twisted Goa: Lone Deranger , and A Billion Stars Will Die Today) and Adrian Von Ziegler (Ashes, Twisted, Heaven's Touch, One, My Everything, Ethello-iel and Even in Death) who are all incredibly talented composers in their own right that you should check out! (The songs can be found by by clicking on the song titles or via google. Also see below for "Grey Days" if on Tumblr)

Anyway, I don't think y'all need me warning you that spoilers are present when it's already pretty apparent. Without further ado, here's the poem. Don't forget to let me know what you think by leaving a leaving comment/review. (Links to everything below, sidebar and bio if on tumblr plus Fanfiction profile). Enjoy!

Disclaimer: As you all know by now Fairytail does not belong to me, but the most honourable Hiro-sensei instead, for whom without this labour of love wouldn't be possible.

Read More Here:

1. Grey Days

A. Tumblr Version

B. Fanfiction (Click Here:) (or here:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13112482/1/Grey-Days-Reupload-from-dragon-shield-maiden)

2.  The Rest  Of My Writing 

A.  Master Fic Rec Post(Click Here:) (or herehttps://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/179665258923/master-fic-rec-post:) 

B.  Fanfiction  Profile (Click Here): (or here: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/11384058/)

More to follow.  Links can also be found in bio and  top blog parts (if on desktop)

"Grey and holy You said it was the first time Like the morphine You take it all away Pretend it's okay The grey days" (Chelsea Wolfe: Grey Days)

“A lifeless lover was the high mountains” Where we tried to reach the stars The moon, the ways beyond It was the purest love of all”

(Draconian: Pale Tortured Blue)

“If all else perished, 

and he remained, 

I should still continue to be;

 and if all else remained, 

and he were annihilated,

 the universe would turn to a mighty stranger

(Heathcliff: Wuthering Heights)

"Natsu!" The screams of his celestial maiden Oh how, they call to the dragon of fire through the darkness piercing the shadows of his subconscious Severing the ties that bind

His eyes open The Gods of Time themselves defied Damaria decimated in the blast Scorch and crimson stains through tattered remnants of fabric on skin All within the blink of an eye

Natsu's attempts to rouse the motionless angel in his arms fail when she does not stir Scarlet tears a ghastly sight No single heartbeat , nor breath of life he can hear Vital signs so pined for falls on deaf ears The perceived second loss of the brilliant star in his universe drives him over the edge enough to fully awaken the infernal power within

Flashes of the two's life together before the demon's very eyes River of tears flowing like cascading rain A grief-stricken kiss of on the zodiac wielder's forehead of farewell A piece of his soul here now dying right along with her Oh how the agony of her absence cuts right down to to the bone Soulmates , would-be lovers torn asunder The great divide all together just too much for the demon of black flames’ unholy, forlorn, heart to bear How could it not be when the iridescent light of a billion stars was blotted out from the midnight sky? Never to shine again

Oh, how the cursed fates are cruel

"Zeref, where is Zeref?" The name of the fire demon's accursed brother spilling from his lips over and like a non-nonsensical mantra as if he's a deranged mad man Onward the song of Igneel trudges Any with prying eyes from afar

may just see infernal darkness incarnate annihilate all

those who block his path fall at his feet in firey wake Driven by bloodthirsty instinct to obliterate the creator

Forward E.N.D marches on the hunt in search of his so-called dear brother Eye for an eye Tooth for tooth Raging thirst for the other's blood All in all vengeance apparent

The thought of meeting his inevitable demise just barely crosses the prince of hell's mind yet he cares not For without his the light of his father and  most dear  com he is lost, all days perpetually gray No tomorrow in sight Totality of his desolate existence an infinite void Devoid of meaning just the same

Reunited they all will at least be in the the golden fields of Avalon after his spirit departs

Just Lucy wait, Natsu tells himself in his arms she soon will be on the other side when he crosses the threshold Watching over those so precious together Instead of her buried along with his heart six feet underground Side by side at last Apart nevermore

A figure, there standing in the distance the son of Igneel finally catches a glimpse Is it the one he's been searching for? No, just the ice devil slayer himself Former brothers in arms , comrades in life Mortal foes now, team mates no longer Infernal hellfire and ice will clash A rift far too vast to mend Shattered remnants of a fraternal bond beyond repair All for naught Natsu's goal of sanguinary retribution clear Purging the world of the one who started it all Even it means cutting down almost any who stand in his way The loss of etherious's beloved really does drive the heart mad Delerium not overcome

Oh, but little does the demon know that his most

precious star lives

If only he could see how she still breathes Alive and well

Alas he does not

All is not lost

In the end, who alone will stop the volatile discord? Who alone will be brave enough to be up to the task? Oh, who alone will stop the clash?

Fic tag squad: @writer-appreciation  @nunnatheinsanegerbil @mautrino @rougescribe @goddesofimortality  @phoenix-before-the-flame  @nalufever  @petri808 @thecelestialchick  @nalu-natic

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed! Just a few housekeeping notes in terms of clarification and reminders.

1. "Scarlet Tears" is one of the literary metaphors used in poem alluding to the blood stains under Lucy's eyes after Diarma attempted to scratch them out-unsuccessfully I might add (Thank God lol). The whole bit about regarding the stars being blotted out overall symbolizes Natsu's/E.N'D grief who feels that the world—or his world at least— has become that much less brighter without one of his best friend's light. Not to mention his existence ceasing to have meaning in the wake of so much loss—especially just one year after Igneel's death. Yes, he loves and cares for his other friends a great deal—especially Happy-, but losing them (with a few exceptions like said cat ) isn't quite the same as losing Lucy to death— at least not to the point as being as soulcrushing. I am by no means trying to downplay how much he values others in life—just offering my take since naturally the loss of someone is only futher magnified based on the nature of the relationship and how close you were which is no different for our favourite dragonslayer. In the end, Natsu/e.n.d ultimately would much rather be with Lucy and Igneel in the afterlife watching over their other friends in the afterlife than be without the former in the realm of the living—once he's had a chance to destroy Zeref with his bare hands (most likely using fire and whatever else he has at his disposal—Natsu I mean.) Just so you know ?.

2. To anyone who were following my other works on previous accounts , The Draconic Demon Within is a semi-au Nalu/Endlu fic in which it follows the original timeline of events from the manga and anime up until chapter 478 or so where Natsu saves Lucy from certain death by intercepting Jacob's attack just in the nick of time. After his brutal defeat is where the plot of TDDW deviates. In this fic, the original Team Natsu(Natsu, Lucy, Happy) soon gets word that the Tartaros has remerged with resurrected members and forged an alliance with the Alvarez empire they've (save a few such as Brandish)— all while overthrowing Zeref in the process now that they've gained total independence.

Natsu and Lucy are then lured to Tartaro's new base of operations (in part because said dragonslayer wasn't about to let his girl go barging in alone what with her being one of the people he's most protective of for obvious reasons and all) where they subsequently learn from Tempester that his (Natsu's) life is no longer tied to his brothers —which comes as a shock to you know who that it was mind you—; all this before an incantation is recited from a particular tome to fully awaken the demonic aspect of Natsu's identity from within now that the seal is broken. Pretty sure you guys know the rest for which the rest of the plot unfold as more chapters are posted. Just thought you guys should know in case anyone had any questions about the original timeline of the Fairytail series fits in with TDDW. I'll be sure to post this within the bottom A/N notes in the one chapters in the process of revison of said fic. Side note: I hope to start reposting while also uploading new chapters for both this fic, Tantric Flames and others in the works ASAP.

All right y'all, that's it for now. Be sure to let me you know what you think by leaving a review/comment and don't forget to give the rest of my writing a read once posted/. (Corresponding links above in this post, in sidebar and bio if on tumblr. Also on my Fanfiction profile)! Many thanks once again to all who've been supporting me thus far (including my friends/mutuals, followers and readers)! Until next time—take care!

[mydreamcatcherblogme]

Review: Planet of Exile [Hainish Cycle #2]

Title: Planet of Exile Author: Ursula K. Le Guin Genre: Sci-Fi/ Fantasy First Publication date: 1966 Summary: The Earth colony of Landin has been stranded on Werel for ten years--& ten of Werel's years are over 600 terrestrial years. The lonely & dwindling human settlement is beginning to feel the strain. Every winter--a season that lasts for 15 years--the Earthmen have neighbors: the humanoid hilfs, a nomadic people who only settle down for the cruel cold spell. The hilfs fear the Earthmen, whom they think of as witches & call the farborns. But hilfs & farborns have common enemies: the hordes of ravaging barbarians called gaals & eerie preying snow ghouls. Will they join forces or be annihilated?    I started Planet of Exile by Ursula Le Guin convinced I wouldn't like it. After all, the previous book was a great disappointment for me. Funny enough, I was surprised.     The Hainish Cycle is a series of short novels connected only by the author's name and a few distant connections between characters and places. So essentially you don't have to read the other books to understand this one. From one side this is awesome since every book would be expected to provide a satisfying ending and resolution of the plot. On the other side, each book is too short for me to really

fall in love with the characters or the story. And I don't get to read about them again so even if I do, I'll be left wanting more.    The story revolves around three races that inhabit a planet with exceptionally long seasons. A single season there is around 15 years and at the time of the story Winter is Coming (haha, that's for you GoT fans). One of the races are humans, like us, who had come from the stars on a spaceship hundreds of years ago. The second race is humanoid people, hilfs, who look like humans, talk like humans and pretty much live like them during the winter when they settle down (the rest of the time they are nomads). The only difference I noticed was in their eyes — they have golden eyes. Other than that they only differ in their believes, traditions and way of life. The third group are the bad guys, the gaals — again, they look like humans but during winter they hunt and kill other people and take their stuff to survive which automatically makes them the bad guys. There may be some fundamental biological differences between the humans and the natural inhabitants of that planet but Le Guin doesn't go into detail there. It just feels like you're reading about three human groups with different ethnicity.      So the story switches mainly between Jakob, one of the leaders of the Earthmen; Rolery, a hilf girl that falls in love with him (mutual); and Wold, the very old leader of the hilfs and also Rolery's father. Unlike Le Guin's other books here we have all the ingredients for an exiting plot — forbidden love affair, clash between cultures, hard weather to make things worse and to top it all off, we have an army of

barbarians marching towards them, ready to kill the men, enslave the women and take their provisions. Sounds exciting, doesn't it? It was. For the first time there was a real battle, uncertainty, fighting and death. With her other books all of those things are also somewhat present but it felt like they were happening to somebody else or that the outcome was certain and the hero was definitely going to win. In Planet of Exile the feeling of danger, of impending death and fear doesn't leave you until the very end.    There were some minor things that really annoyed me, I must admit. There were scenes that made no sense in the long run or characters that were named but played no role in the plot, just misdirecting you in thinking about why they were important to begin with. Also, this may be due to the length of the book and how fast it all developed, but the 'relationship' between Rolery and Jakob was super artificial and weird. Jakob didn't describe her as super beautiful or anything yet after just two meetings(where he was rude to her) he was madly in love; and after falling in love with him and spending the night with him Rolery seemed to lose all her personality and all she could thing about was him and if she could bear him children. Maybe it was normal for her race, we don't know since it was never explained, but I find it foolish and offensive that a woman, once she has found a man, stops being a person and becomes his extension.     Anyway, I'll give Planet of Exile a 4/5 rating since I did like the suspense it kept throughout most of the time. And I honestly love Le Guin's style and detailed expression — it is just pleasure to read. If only she could have added a bit more excitement and adventure to the plot (and more interesting characters) then it would have been a five.    What about you? What rating would you give? What are your thoughts and takes on Planet of Exile? Read the full article

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Star Wars: Rogue One Review

*Warning: SPOILERS!* Well my friends, once again we have entered into a new era of Star Wars: the Anthology era. With the (successful) release of Rogue One, Disney is primed to begin a new series of films independent of the main Saga that will focus on new and old characters. But how does the premier film hold up on its own? Well, let's see. The film opens with an Imperial task force, led by weapons developer Orson Krennic, arriving at the hiding place of scientist Galen Erso and his family. Krennic forces Galen to return to finish his masterpiece, the Death Star. Galen is taken away, his wife killed, and his young daughter Jyn left in the care of Rebel extremist Saw Gerrara. Years later, an Imperial pilot defects to the Rebels, carrying a message from Galen. The pilot, Bodhi Rook, is taken to Gerrara on the moon of Jedha. After an adult-Jyn is freed from an Imperial prison camp, she is taken to Alliance Command at Yavin IV so can lead the Rebels to her father. Unbeknownst to her, one of the Rebel leaders orders intelligence officer Cassian Andor to kill Galen rather than capture him. Jyn, Andor, and his reprogrammed Imperial droid K-2SO depart for Jedah to find the pilot that defected. On Jedah, which features a heavy Imperial presence due to the mining of valuable kyber crystals, Jyn, Andor and K-2 encounter blind, Force-sensitive Chirrut Imwe and mercenary Baze Malbus. They get caught in a battle between insurgents and Imperials, after which they are taken by the guerillas to meet Gerrara. Gerrara shows Jyn the message from her father, which revels that Galen built a flaw into the Death Star that could be used to annihilate the station, but the only way to do so is to collect the plans for the weapon on another Imperial world. Unfortunately for the Rebels, the Death Star is undergoing a shake down cruise, and when Grand Moff Tarkin questions the validity of the project, Orson Krennic orders a test firing at the capital city of Jedah…There's a passage in the second Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy book about a rock band so loud that their music is considered a weapon of mass destruction. At one of their concerts, the music caused a chunk of earth to fly into the air, flip over, and come back down. It wasn't until Rogue One that I had a visual reference for such a sight. Let that really sink in, folks: the Death Star's power on ‘low' borders on farce! Anyway, the Death Star destroys the city, including Gerraera and most of his cell, while Jyn, Andor, K-2, Chirrut, Baze and Rook escape. Tarkin uses the recent security breaches around the Death Star project to seize control of the station. Krennic travels to (what appears to be) Mustufar to speak with Lord Vader in order to regain his position. However, Vader merely Force-chokes Krennic and advises him to be weary of his ambitions. I saw Rogue One with a friend, and he said that the quip moment was one of the last lingering threads of Anakin showing through. However, I must disagree: this film takes place almost literally right before the Battle of Yavin. It has been nineteen years since the fall of the Republic; Vader has been bereft of everything that made him Anakin for almost two decades. This is Vader at the high point of this identity. Instead, I posit that there was a connection with Anakin, just in a different way. Vader well knew what ambition could cost a person, as he had lost everything he worked toward in his efforts to achieve more power, and was left with nothing but the Empire to fill the void. Basically, Krennic's ambition reminded Vader of his own while he was Anakin and this reminder lead him to ‘subtly' warn Krennic.   Andor's mission comes to light after Jyn reveals what she learned from the message, but was unable to grab a copy before they evacuated to substantiate her claims. The Rebels head to Eadu where Galen is hold up in an Imperial research facility. After Krennic arrives to question the team regarding the security link, Andor decides to forgo assassinating Galen. Rebel Command sends a bombing raid to destroy the facility, and Galen is killed before his daughter can rescue him. Jyn and Andor's team escapes aboard a stolen Imperial shuttle (unfortunately, not the one used during the infiltration of Endor) and return to Yavin IV.   Jyn advocates stealing the Death Star plans from the facility on Scariff, but the Rebel leadership proves untrustworthy and indecisive. Jyn, Andor, their team, and a small group of Rebel soldiers decide to undertake the mission themselves, leaving in the Imperial shuttle under the codename ‘Rogue One'. They infiltrate Scariff, and while Jyn, Andor and K-2 sneak into the base disguised, the Rebel troops go to cause distractions around the base. Rook, the defector, contacts the Rebels which sends a fleet to destroy the shield surrounding the planet and collect the data. While the Rebel fleet fights above, the Rebels at the base are slowly overwhelmed: K-2 is destroyed holding off stormtroopers in the data vault, Rook is killed aboard his ship, Chirrut dies helping the Rebels get their message out, while Baze is killed fending off Death Troops. Jyn is confronted by Krennic while she is trying to transmit the plans, but Andor shoots him before he can stop her. With the Death Star alerted to the theft, Tarkin orders the battle station to destroy the compromised base. Krennic, Jyn and Andor are all killed in the blast. While the Rebels try to retreat into hyperspace, Darth Vader leads Imperial forces in reclaiming the plans. Vader boards a Rebel ship and, in a scene that many agree to be the highlight of the movie, massacres Rebel soldiers standing in his. However, the Tantive IV, with Princess Leia aboard, manages to escape with the plans, leading to the opening of Episode IV: A New Hope. A couple things before I give my final thoughts. Vader's murder-spree has been the talk of the film, and rightfully so. It perfectly encapsulates how powerful and fearful a villain he is, and cements his place as a figure of terror in his own universe, and ours. During the space battle at the end, footage of X-Wing and Y-Wing pilots from Episode IV is used here as well, and used well. I only bring it up because if you've seen the original film as many times as I have, then you can pick out the reused footage, which could serve as a little bonus. My only problem with it is that Wedge was left out, though maybe in this continuity he hasn't been recruited yet, but I hope we get some word on why one of the most popular secondary characters in the franchise was left out.  One of the noticeable features of the film was the CGI-face work done on Tarkin and Leia. Overall, it looks quite good, like something you would see on Xbox One. It's a bit more organic than CG faces were just a decade ago, but still falls into the uncanny valley. My only problems with them are thus: 1) they really should have gotten a different voice actor for Tarkin; he sounds like someone who kind of sounds like Peter Cushing, rather than someone trying to imitate Cushing. 2) I wonder why they chose creating a CG Leia rather than letting her daughter stand in. It was barley thirty seconds of screen time and a single word, seems like it would have been easier to just film it with someone who looks a lot like her mother. While Rogue One starts off a little clunky, once they get to Jedah, things really start to click. The last three-quarters of the film work really well, with a glorious space battle, gripping guerilla fight and brutal, lightsaber smack down making for beautiful and memorable action. While a part of me still wishes I could be writing about Episode VIII, I am in no way disappointed with what I got. Once more, Disney proves they no what they are doing, and I look forward to seeing this film again while it's in theatres.     Final Score: 8/10