#falling in love w my hometown all over again <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[truthundressing]

Along the River Nene, England // September 2023

[staybabblingbaby]

Soulmate Garden AU Ch.1 (Dahlia) a2 d5

[Caution: These are not full fics, or even full parts of fics for some, these are part of my writing progress archive!]

Concept: Growing up, you knew Soulmates weren't all that they cracked up to be. So when, on your 18th birthday, your skin is painted with a garden of flower buds, you resolve to hide it from everyone. Who had ever heard of someone with 8 soulmates, anyway?

Or; Reader has 8 soulmates and no issue avoiding all of them. It's up to SKZ to show her that while every soulbond might not be made of fairy tales, theirs certainly could be.

Word Count: 5,368

Notes: My friend Tiny said this was very Wattpad era of me, so I'm so sorry that I'm cringe, guys. She also said she loved it and I am also p satisfied w it, so. Celebrations! It's also fucking long for me, like damn. Chill. I do have some disclaimers abt this tho. 1) I have never been to a k-pop concert, I am doing my best working off of what videos, vlogs, blogs, and Quora and Reddit answers for this. I'm very sorry if it's horribly inaccurate. Also it's idealized so it'd gonna be inaccurate 2) Covid never happened in this universe! Send-offs for everyone!

Dividers by @saradika

Warnings: She/Her Reader, sort of dissociating? ish?

Leave me comments or questions or anything! Love hearing from folks <3

Masterlist <3 | Prev Part | Next Part

“Yes, Ma, I promise I’m doing just fine,” You grunt into your phone, tucking the device between your cheek and shoulder as you juggle your groceries and try to dig out your keys, “No one has tried to mug me, I’m eating well, and the job is the same as the last time you called.”

You manage to both open your door and kick it shut as your mother replies, “I just worry about you dear. You’re so far away from us now, what if you need help?”

You waddle to your kitchen counter to offload your burdens, stretching your cramping fingers out as you go to properly hold your phone again.

“I know, Ma, but I’m sure I’ll make some friends with time and then they can help me out.” you finally reply with a sigh. You begin the arduous task of actually putting your groceries away, resigned to the fate of a functional adult.

You hear your sister bark out a laugh in the background. It’s possibly about hearing ‘you’ and ‘friends’ in the same sentence (Which, ouch. True, but ouch). You magnanimously ignore her.

“Honey, I love you, but it’s been almost a year. You have yet to tell me about a single friend.” Your Mom retorts. Again, ouch.

“I have Taylor!” You defend, slamming your fridge shut with a pout.

“Your roommate doesn’t count!” Your little sister taunts from the background. You hear your mother shush her but her agreement is implied when she doesn’t correct the little gremlin.

“He so does!” You argue, “We hang out in contexts that are not work or school, we eat meals together, and we’re even going to a concert this weekend! That’s friends! That’s best friends, even.” You sound a bit pathetic even to yourself, but the day your sister wins over you is the day you die.

“That’s a friendly roommate,” Is your sister’s amused response, “I bet you don’t even know what his favorite color is.” Your silence is answer enough, and she cracks up, laughing so hard that you hear a muted thump as she falls off of whatever furniture she’d been occupying.

Guess you’re dying today.

Your mother changes the subject to the goings-on of your hometown while your sister asphyxiates in the background. You’ve only been away for a little under a year now, but as you listen to her talk about which of your littlest cousins are starting school and which of your relatives are causing drama, you realize that it’s already been a little under a year.

You flop onto your couch as your mom babbles away, holding back an existential crisis.

Your fingers begin tracing the long-since memorized lines of your soulmark over your clothes as you ponder the passing of time, fully zoned out of your mother’s gossip. Your sister seems to catch on to your long silence, interrupting you mother to pester you into giving her more material to taunt you over.

“What concert are you going to, anyway?” She questions.

“Oh, it’s a K-Pop group called Stray Kids,” You tell her. You can practically feel her interest shrivel up and die as soon as you say K-Pop, bless her elitist, snobby, little heart. “Taylor likes them a lot, and his boyfriend dumped him last month, so I got some good tickets to cheer him up.”

Your mother coos at you briefly before your sister overtakes the conversation again, “Are they even good?” You can hear the sneer in her voice as she falls into Music Snob (tm) mode, so you roll your eyes when you reply.

“They’re fun to dance to when I’m doing chores, so that’s good enough for me.”

“You can’t even understand them.” She complains.

“I can, actually.” You inform her primly, “My language elective was Korean. I took the whole course.”

“You’re a weirdo.”

“Tell that to my sweet, sweet, degree, kiddo.” It’s finally your turn to taunt.

“Whatever, you’re not even going with a friend, just your roommate. How fun could it be?” She pouts back.

“I told you, we are friends! Best friends, even!”

“You still don’t know his favorite color.” She retorts smugly.

“I know his favorite flower, that’s gotta count for something!” Your mother hums in agreement, and you picture her watching your bickering like a tennis match, assigning points in her head.

“It doesn’t, because you know everyone’s favorite flower! You know the mail guy’s favorite flower! It’s like an obsession.” You picture your sister rolling her eyes at you, exasperation pouring off of her. The image makes you grin as you reply.

“Only if it’s still Jim. I haven’t been around to ask anyone new.” You point out. Reasonably, you think, but for some reason your sister lets out a loud groan of annoyance and you hear her exaggerated stomps ass she removes herself from your presence. Your mother lets out an amused little huff and you imagine you’ve won the tennis match in her head.

No death for you today. Score!

Your mom yaps with you for a little longer, before finally bidding you farewell, telling you that you should call more often (like you don’t chat literally every Friday afternoon like clockwork), tell your dad to come home soon if you happen to call him (you won’t. He won’t either), and tell her all about how the concert goes next week. You promise to do that one easily.

When she hangs up, you’re left with the ringing silence of an empty apartment. Moving to LA has been a quieter experience than you’re used to in general, for many reasons. Sure, the city itself is louder than your little suburb by miles, but life has been... More peaceful, since. Quieter.

It still makes you uneasy, even 10 months later.

You get up from the couch and drift off to your room like a ghost, opening Spotify on your way. The opening notes of Ruth B’s Lost Boy and a something nauseous swirling in your gut is all that follows you.

On concert morning, you’re woken up bright and early by your air-horn of a roommate slamming your door open.

“Concert daaaaaaaaay~” He trills at you from the doorway. You don’t even open your eyes when you roll over and throw a pillow at him in protest. A soft ‘oof’ tells you that you hit your mark for once. Nice.

“Nice shot!” Taylor cheers, “But now I have your ammo, so it’s up time.”

You roll over again, taking the edge of your blanket with you and tossing it over your head. You pull a stuffed animal under with you, and curl tightly around it.

“Nmf gmf.” You grumble at him through a mouthful of fluff.

“Nuh-uh!” Taylor tuts, already fluent in Morning Grumble, “We gotta get up. There’s food to be eaten, outfits to put on, and lines to beat!”

You let out a long, agonized, groan, but obligingly roll over and starfish out with childish protest. Taylor waits until you open your eyes to glare at his annoyingly cheerful blond bedhead before he leaves your doorway with a sunny smile. Smug bastard.

He leaves your door open too, the shit, allowing the sweet smell of french toast and eggs to drift into your room. You sit up with a whiney groan, scrubbing harshly at your face.

You’d forgive him this time. Just for the french toast.

You lean over to grab your phone from your bedside table, just waking the screen to check the time. When the numbers register you lay right the way back down with another long wail of protest.

Four in the morning. That french toast had better be fucking good.

You eventually stumble into the kitchen and are promptly handed a very large and very welcomed cup of coffee. Taylor hands you a plate piled high with french toast and eggs, fruits and toppings already out, before you can even try to start bitching at him.

You take in the spread with a furrowed brow, before slowly lifting your head to pin Taylor with a suspicious stare.

“My dude, it is four in the morning. How?”

Taylor just shrugs at you. “Couldn’t sleep. Too excited.”

You nod slowly at him. “I’ll drive. You’re napping in the car.”

This triggers a round of outraged whining from your sleep-deprived roommate, which you cull by pointing out that headaches and concerts are an awful combo. He subsides but insists he’ll be even more excited in the car, since it’s closer to concert time. You tell him to do it anyway.

“Why are we up so early in the first place?” You complain as you drain the last dregs of your drink. “The concert isn’t for, like, fifteen hours.”

“The concert is only fifteen hours away! Countdowns have already started, mark my words!” Taylor counters, “You got us Soundcheck tickets! VIP! We have to take advantage! I want the entire experience. Freebies, insane merch lines, sponsor booths, everything.” He gets more and more incensed as he goes on, leaning farther over the table, his shirt almost dragging in the puddles of syrup on his plate.

You raise your hands in surrender to his wild-eyed look. “Whatever,” You concede, “You’re the boss, this is your day.”

Taylor nods in satisfaction, leaning back. You notice that he actually does take some syrup with him as he re-seats himself. “As it should be.” Is his prim reply.

You sort of just laugh at him, and your routine of friendly bickering continues as the two of you make quick work of fixing up the kitchen.

You two split off to get ready, Taylor demanding a leave time of 6am sharp. You do your best to appease him, dressing up enough to say you put effort in, but paying mind to comfort over style. You’re putting the last touches on your eye liner when Taylor barges in.

You give him a stink eye for not knocking, which he blissfully ignores as he looks over you top to bottom. He summarily declares you “Good, but not good enough” and stampedes over to raid your closet.

At this point in your cohabitation you’ve learned to just let him do his thing when he gets like this. He doesn’t let you dress yourself when you go clubbing with his friends either, the jerk. Your fashion sense is perfectly acceptable, thank-you-very-much.

He tells you you’re being assigned a bias for today based on your wardrobe as he tosses you a white and navy stripped polo shirt and some navy sweatpants with racer strips on the side. He pulls up a reference photo on your phone and tells you to accessorize while he goes to find an appropriate tie from his stash for you.

Looking at the picture of Han Jisung on your screen, you admit that the outfit is pretty close already. You decide to leave the polo’s buttons undone, grabbing a white camisole to put on under. Your accessories take a bit longer, and you can’t see the shoes to match those, but Taylor seems satisfied enough when he comes back.

He hands you a tie and a handful of pins to complete your look and begins pushing you out the door before you can even put them on properly. When you protest this he insists that the two of you are running late, despite the concert still being more than 13 hours away.

You do, in fact, make him sleep in the car. He does not appreciate this, but early morning traffic can lull even the most dutiful of soldiers to sleep. He’s somehow even more chipper than usual when he wakes up, despite being groggy and bleary-eyed.

The crowd, when the two of you arrive, isn’t as big as you were expecting it to be. With all of Taylor’s rushing, you’d expected to barely be able to see the doors. The merch booth he was so excited about isn’t even open yet, and he settles the two of you into the line to enter the venue instead of camping there.

It’s immediately obvious who the extrovert between the two of you is, Taylor’s bouncy blond head beginning to duck and weave among the small crowd as soon as you claim your spot, laughs and excited exchanges popping up wherever he stopped. You, on the other hand, stay exactly where you’d been left and fiddle around on your phone, Taylor’s clear backpack abandoned in your arms.

You’re pretty sure this is purposeful on his part. You know each other well enough by now that he’s well aware of your tendency to stay planted once you’re settled. You’re definitely being used to stake out your spot. You steal one of his granola bars as payment for your services.

An hour or so drags through, and Taylor has thoroughly befriended most of the people around you. Once he’s decided that it’s about time to line up for some of the merch booths, Taylor leaves you in the tender care of the other fans as he goes to stake out a spot. He gracefully accepts both your wallet and your request of “a t-shirt and something they can sign”

The group of four people behind you, in particular, take his (only semi-joking) request of “take care of my introvert for me” seriously.

“So are you a Han bias?” One asks you as Taylor prances off. Her outfit is majority blue, little Bbokari (You can admit that the little characters charm you. You probably know their names better than the Stray Kids themselves) hair clips and keychains decorating her person.

You look down at yourself and then back up at her, almost having forgotten that you were dressed up as him. “Ah, no. Taylor, my friend, dressed me this morning. We’re here for him today. Though, he did say Han was my assigned bias today.” You laugh nervously, hoping they don’t judge your lack of knowledge.

Thankfully none of them seem discouraged by your response, giggling along with your little joke. In fact one of them, dressed head to toe in merch, seems almost excited by the prospect.

“Are you a baby Stay then?” She asks you with sparkling eyes. You wave your hands in front of yourself a bit defensively.

“Ah, no. I wouldn’t go that far. I like their music when Taylor plays it around the apartment, but I wouldn’t consider myself part of the fandom. This is actually my first k-pop experience in general.” You explain, “When I say we’re here for him, I mean I am here in total ignorance.”

Another girl, dressed in a loud assortment of colors you vaguely recognize from the music video Taylor had on loop in your living room for a week and a half when it dropped, lets out a low whistle. “Throwing you right into the deep end, huh? Hardcore.”

The group of you laugh a bit, the only guy in their group agreeing with, “Well if you’re not a fan now, you will be when you leave. Their performances are amazing, honestly.”

You absorb the gushing with an open heart, truly hoping for that to be the case. You take this opportunity to take the spotlight off of yourself.

“Oh, have you guys been to a Stray Kids concert before? It’s Taylor’s first.”

That question is the key to the floodgates, and you end up spending the next 3 and a half hours waiting for Taylor’s return (with text updates from the man himself, assuring you that he is still where he’s supposed to be) being regaled with tales of concerts, events, and comebacks past. You feel a bit like you’re getting a crash course in all things Stray Kids, phones often popping out to show you clips, fancams, and photos.

It makes you smile, feeling very included and welcomed as you occasionally pepper in a question or two to keep them going. It’s just like dinners at the apartment with Taylor, him unloading his stress through fandom, and you unloading yours through listening to his ramblings.

This is exactly why you came with him today.

Taylor makes his return loaded down with goodies both purchased and gifted by other fans, to which you welcome him by cheering loudly. This triggers your new group to do the same. Somehow, the five of you cheering leads to a large portion of the early crowd, which had grown by the hour, cheering with you.

You feel a bit shy at the power you apparently hold, and laugh about it with your new friends.

Eventually Taylor and Merch Girl (you hadn’t managed to catch any of their names, you realize belatedly. It’d be too awkward to ask now. You resolve to simply Not Address Them) split off to do more rounds among other fans, distributing their own freebies.

You hadn’t even realized Taylor had made freebies. You’re also not sure how he found the time. Love finds a way, you suppose.

The other group’s Token Guy Friend (who will always been Token Guy to you, so sorry Token Guy) passes the conversation back to you. Not appreciated, Token Guy.

You can’t be all that mad though, as he shuffles through his bag to produce a piece of paper and a chisel-tipped sharpie. He passes the items to you with a grin.

“If you’re close to the stage you should have a sign! You might get an interaction that way!” He enthuses. The remaining girls cheer at the idea, sighing over the possibility of you getting an interaction at your very first concert.

You hold back correcting them that it’s just your first k-pop concert. You’re sure that’s what they mean anyways, as the experience so far has been quite different from your usual.

You look at the items in your hand, and then back at him. He offers to let you use his back to write on. You once again stare between his meticulous outfit and the sharpie in your hand. You are so not going to ruin someone’s day with what was supposed to be a kind gesture.

You motion for him to wait a moment and dig around in your own bag for a moment, the seat cushion Taylor had insisted you bring slapping you incessantly from where it hangs as you shuffle both your shoulder bag and Taylor’s backpack around. Eventually you manage to pull out your travel first aid kit, pulling a gauze pad from it.

You unclip the seat cushion from your bag and place it on the ground, motioning for Token Guy to kneel. He does so bemusedly.

“I’m gonna make it fancy,” You inform him, “those random calligraphy classes from high-school aren’t going to fail me today.” He makes a noise of assent and you’re crowding over his bent back, unfurling the gauze pad to make a barrier between the paper and his shirt.

He and the girls make their conversation around you as you sink into concentration. It’s very difficult to make nice, even, lines on an uneven surface like a back, and you have to keep gently slapping Token Guy’s shoulder when he laughs to remind him not to move.

Taylor and Merch Girl have returned by the time you finish your sign, Taylor laughingly cautioning any of them from breaking your concentration for anything less than Token Guy’s health. Unless they wanted to face your Wrath(tm), of course.

His advice seems to have been heeded, because by the time you tune back into the outside world you have a sign with very pretty (and most importantly - legible) calligraphy that reads:

[HAN! You’ve been assigned as my bias today! Make me fall for you?]

You even took the time to add Korean translations in smaller script beneath each line. You also take the time to admire your own foresight for laying out the gauze pad, small black marks littering it’s surface. Token Guy seems equally impressed when he looks at it, before taking the initiative to trash both it and the wrapper for you.

Merch Girl reads your sign when you proudly hold it in front of yourself and cackles.

“So that’s why he really brought you along, huh?” She teases, elbowing Taylor like they’re old friends. He has that effect on people. “She can talk to them for you if the Aussie line isn’t around.” Taylor gives a sheepish laugh and a faux-guilty shrug.

“That, and she bought the tickets. I couldn’t leave her behind if I tried.” He pokes at you as he speaks, mirth dancing in his eyes. Laughter erupts around the group as you shout your offence, making to start roughhousing with him like you do your sister.

The time passes joyously this way until the doors finally open to begin letting people in for sound check.

You’re not gonna lie, you’re already super tired and peopled out. Luckily, Taylor had clocked you flagging before even you had, and sent you to sit in “introvert time out” on your cushion in a shaded spot away from the crowd. So you could make it through sound check and the actual concert. Probably.

You and Taylor pass through security unscathed, having already eaten or trashed any snacks or drinks you’d brought with you, and having not bothered bringing much else. Both of your bags were just full of merch and freebies at this point.

Once you actually enter the venue you take the lead, dragging Taylor by the wrist to your seats. You’re actually super excited to show him the seats you’d gotten, having kept anything beyond ‘soundcheck’ a secret.

Taylor is already vibrating with excitement as you lead him to the floor seats. He’s nearly trembling as you lead him right up the center, past rows and rows of little white chairs erected for the reserved seating tickets. When you finally sit him down right in front of the thrust stage, plopping into the seat beside him with satisfaction, he turns to you with saucer-wide eyes.

“Noo...” He whispers.

“Oh, yes.” You return, blessing him with a grin and little eyebrow wiggle.

Taylor basically tackles you in a hug, almost knocking you into the person next to you, and squeals his thanks so loudly that you’re sure the entire stadium hears. When he’s done thanking you he pulls back, hands on your shoulders, with the most deadly serious eyes you had ever seen on him.

“I would die for you.” He intones lowly. You crack first, the two of you breaking into a giggle fit that was almost concerning with it’s intensity. When the two of you calm down and turn to settle and sit properly, he nudges your shoulder with his.

“Seriously,” He says, eyes soft, “You’re the best ever. You need anything from today on? I’m your guy.”

You chuckle at him, nudging him back, “Do my dishes for the next month, then.” You tease.

He rears back, hands up in joking surrender, “Woah, woah! Let’s not go that far! I meant if you needed to escape from the mob or something, not chores.” He gives an exaggerated shudder before breaking into his usual silly grin.

The two of you spend the next however long indulging in familiar banter, waving at the group of fans you’d made friends with outside when you spotted them not terribly far away, and generally recharging your batteries for the concert. Taylor eventually moves on to talking to the people around you, and you rest your head on his shoulder.

You close your eyes for just a moment, trying to turn the lights off in your brain for a bit. You really needed the music to start soon, you were going to fall asleep.

Almost as if in answer to your prayers, the group begins trickling on stage for sound check.

To be honest, both soundcheck and the concert pass in a blur for you.

Once things kick off, you’re swept away in a wave of cheers, music, and lights. You hadn’t expected front row seats to be quite as intense as they were, but you made a note to yourself to not book such tickets for yourself in the future.

You couldn’t really handle it.

Still, Taylor seems to have the time of his life, and you manage to immerse yourself in the concert enough to shake your sign at Han when he passes by, earning yourself a wink and a cheek heart. Taylor was nearly euphoric at having caught the interaction with his phone camera.

By the time it’s over, you’re fairly sure you had a good time, but also 100% sure that you were completely overwhelmed. Taylor manages to drag you to the send off that you paid for spots at anyway. Curse his charming, sunny demeanor.

You can’t really process how it happened at this point, but you end up practically pinned to the railing of the barricade at the send-off location, separated from Taylor, and clinging to your façade of an excited fan with a white knuckled grip. You have three things on you to get signed, and a mission from Taylor to get all three scribbled on.

Your sign for Han, a ballcap Taylor had customized, and a Lee Know photocard Taylor had entrusted to you with a gravity you weren’t sure it warranted. He had, like, three of the same one.

You try to drum up the determination to see your mission through, but find it difficult to dredge up any will at all.

Time waits for no man, however, and soon enough the members begin making their way through, delivering high-fives, autographs, and aegyo as they pass through. You end up squished almost violently to the railing, ducking a bit and making yourself as small as possible as hands, phones, and items all get waved around and over you.

You’re not sure you like send-off.

There’s so many noises and sights and smells that you have a really hard time keeping track of which member is where. Plus, you’re still a lot overwhelmed from lining up before dawn and the concert itself. You’re tired, you’re cranky, and you want to go home.

At some point Lee Know must pass by you, and you must have presented the photocard properly, because you have a signed one now. That’s cool. The faster you get the requested autographs, the faster you can leave.

Bangchan spawns in front of you from the aether, from your point of view. You may be a bit more out of it than you’d like to admit. Still, you dutifully hold out your ballcap for him to sign, exchanging post-concert niceties on pure autopilot.

Because you’re not all that present at the moment, or maybe because all you’d had was your breakfast and some granola bars in the last 13 hours, you don’t hold your balance the way you should when someone shoves at you from behind. You catch yourself on the railing, but you dropped the freshly signed cap.

Bangchan kindly stoops to pick it up for you, and you thank him. A couple of things happen very quickly at that point.

1) Unlike the first two exchanges of the cap, because of the awkward and quick nature of Bangchan’s action, it is no longer being handed to you with lots of space between your hand and his.

2) You’re still being jostled around. No matter how much you brace for the impact of the bodies surrounding you, you couldn’t possibly keep totally still.

3) These two things have a consequence. Your hand brushes Chan’s as he hands you the cap.

The world stops for you for a moment, as pins and needles stab into dozens of familiar spots all across your lower abdomen. You freeze, dumb, awkward, overwhelmed smile plastered to your face as Bangchan turns away from you.

The pain isn’t that bad, really, more like a bad period cramp mixed with a sleeping limb waking up. Still, you curl your arm around your stomach, and your body bows with the motion. As if you could protect your reality from shattering and reshaping itself in front of you.

Static fills your ears and your poor, overloaded, brain throbs with the beginnings of a migraine.

Bangchan is your soulmate.

International k-pop sensation Bangchan is one of your eight soulmates.

Bangchan is part of a group with eight members.

Your soulmate is already moving away from you, your minor interaction just a footnote of his day, the tingling pain of your soulmate bond awakening probably blending in with a thousand other minor aches and pains from a very physically intense day for him.

You come back to clarity with the resolve that you’d like it to stay that way.

With a sense of urgency, you look around the crowd you’re part of, noting distinct faces and colors for the first time. You’re not really sure what you’re looking for until you spot it, and suddenly your escape plan is fully formed.

There, just a couple shoves and elbow throws away, is Blue Bbokari Girl from this morning.

You struggle your way over, people falling into the space you’d left at the railing like a pack of hyenas on fresh meat. When you reach her you the gently at her sleeve to get her attention.

She turns to you with confusion first, a bright greeting next, and finally a concerned scrunch of her brow as she takes in your hunched form.

“Hey, I’m feeling kind of sick, can you help me get out of the crowd?” You’re sure you look convincingly pathetic and weak as you plead with her. If only because you really did feel pathetic and weak at the moment.

“Oh, of course, hun! Just a moment.” She begins to crane her neck around to scan the crowd like you’d done moments prior. You feel a bit bad for interrupting her night like this, but as she calls out to someone behind her, you’re more thankful than anything.

Blue Bbokari Girl successfully gets the attention of someone you don’t recognize, and a quick summary of, “She’s sick, help her leave!” shouted over the crowd has you being passed through the crowd unmolested.

You find yourself enveloped in a chain of fans, one passing you to another, pausing, and calling on someone else to pass you to until you’ve finally stumbled free of the send-off mob.

Feeling a bit like you’d just been spat out of the maw of a great creature, you look back at the rustling crowd, now looking like it had never been disturbed at all.

The last lady who had finally freed you, an older woman with a Jiniret picket, eyes you with concern as you put you back to the nearest wall and slide down it.

“Will you be okay, sweetie?” She questions you worriedly, “Do you have anyone to pick you up?”

You smile weakly at her and assure her that you just have to get ahold of your roommate and he’d get you home safe and sound. She tries to insist on waiting with you, but you persuade her to return to the crowd with promises that you’d make your way to a bathroom or security guard once the worst of your vertigo had passed.

You watch her return with morbid fascination, amazed when she just sort of gets absorbed back into the mass of people. Almost like it ate her. You once again marvel at making it out of such a thing unscathed.

Truth be told, your stomach was only sore and tender this point, the sharp, needle-point pains long gone. Still, you take a moment to bring your knees to your chest, just breathing as you press your forehead to them. If anyone were to look at you then, you wonder what they’d think of you curled up on the floor and trembling like your dog had just died.

You hope they’d view you with kindness.

After giving yourself a moment to just feel, though you couldn’t tell anyone what you had felt, you gather yourself enough to totter to your feet and drag yourself to the nearest bathroom. You text Taylor as you go.

[Hey. Felt sick, in bathroom rn. lmk when we can leave pls?]

Perma Tag List: @mbioooo0000

[sebsxphia]

￫ a/n: i’m grieving and writing this helped <3 a short drabble for the ‘ptolemaea. | the verses.’ universe.

￫ c/w: death, crying and preacher!rhett abbott.

you watched the static on the motel room television with horror in your eyes. a nasty accident all the way back in your hometown had somehow managed to work it’s way up the news pedestal to half way across the country.

you don’t remember registering the crushing feeling in your chest as you saw your long term family friend’s name appear as one of the dead.

you don’t remember stumbling to the bathroom and slamming the door shut, tears hot on your cheeks, or the way your knees buckled to the cold tile floor.

you don’t remember your preacher holding you on the bathroom floor as your body wracked with horrific and head aching sobs.

all you could now feel was the warm water from the motel cup start on your scalp and pour down your back, as rhett gently bathed you.

you were sat in between his thighs in the bathtub. he was careful to keep the soap and shampoo away from your tired eyes, letting his touch ground you back to this universe.

“why does it hurt?” you mumbled out between your lips, barely above a whisper and swollen from the tears.

“‘cause you’ve lost someone, my little lamb.” rhett paused and let the gentle gravity of the situation rest on your shoulders. “they’re at peace.” he tried to comfort you, because nothing hurt his heart more than seeing how your heart was aching.

your chest ached. it was a dull and thrumming ache that would not soothe, no matter how many tears you shed. your body hunched in on itself, one of your hands pawing at your chest ferociously and the other gripping the side of the bathtub.

“but if they’re at peace, why does it hurt?” you wailed again, louder this time, but your voice was still hoarse and broken.

you heard rhett’s soothing shushes from behind you as he registered your tears falling before you did. the water sloshed against the bathtub sides as he turned you to rest against his damp chest.

“it’s okay f’ it to hurt. blessed are those who mourn, f’ they will be comforted.” one of his hands rested in your wet hair and scratched tenderly at your scalp, the other wrapped around your frame to keep you against him.

he placed loving kisses on your temple and let his thumb wipe away the strokes of tears falling over your cheeks.

“you’ll be okay. the lord heals the brokenhearted ‘nd binds up their wounds. i will do that f’ you, my little lamb. i’ll do anythin’ for you.”

[tradetobest]

dee's february 2024 fic recs

once again i am late with this but. here's this months recs. narrowing this down was SUPER hard but i hope yall like them :)

(fic roulette 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8)

Blow What's Left of My Right Mind by eyeslikeonyx

pairing: tyler seguin/jamie benn rating: E words: 14k summary: Jamie stares at his phone, reading over the article that Jordie sent him just moments ago as he walks through the woods on the outskirts of his hometown. It’s early in the morning, and he’s finished his daily run, and he’s not entirely sure if he’s reading the headline right. Seguin, Eriksson Swapped in Seven-Player Trade.

VAMPIRES! WEREWOLVES! TENDER LOVE AND CARE! i love a great different species fic like.... loved it sm

my mouth is filled with honey by notthequiettype

pairing: tyler seguin/jamie benn rating: E words: 2.3k summary: Tyler likes Jamie's body so much. Tyler likes Jamie, so much, too.

usually i prefer reading "getting together" but "established relationship" is rlly compelling to me when done rlly well and i think this fic is a phenomenal version of that... like its so good. oughhh...bennguin,,,,..... ohhhhh

if i'm not what you hoped by winglavender

pairing: leon draisaitl/connor mcdavid rating: E words: 10k summary: "Heard the Leafs lost tonight." "Yeah." Mitch pulls an exaggerated face. "Leading the whole game and then Connor's guy ties it up with a disgusting pass, absolutely filthy, and then scored the overtime winner." "That's rough. You want another one?" The bartender tips her head at Connor's half-empty glass; he shakes his head. "Who's your guy?" "Draisaitl, obviously." Mitch taps the rainbow-patterned 29 on Connor's arm for emphasis. "He's not my guy," Connor says.

ask anyone and they will tell you i am an absolute sucker for player/nonplayer,,, its just so good always and it is just as good here... fun dialogue, good tropes..... what else could u want

tightly wound so breathlessly by supras

pairing: leon draisaitl/connor mcdavid rating: E words: 2.3k summary: “Laugh about you not being hard? That’s okay, sometimes it can take a bit, I’ll get you there.” Connor finishes speaking with a determined smirk and Leon just loves him so much, he wants to kiss it from his lips. But Connor is wrong, Leon is hard, so hard he’s dizzy with it.

small dick leon..... ough..... trust guys read this one.... TRUST

two strangers in the red light by notthequiettype

pairing: leon draisaitl/connor mcdavid rating: E words: 14k summary: Connor looks up, derailed only momentarily by how good-looking the guy is, slacks and a button-down open at the top like his pictures, and a nice wool coat. Connor clears his throat. "Is it better if I tell you I didn't request it, at least?" "And ruin the fantasy that I just found out that Connor McDavid's an absolute freak? No way."

again, i am the BIGGEST sucker for player/nonplayer. this concept is so fun and like. the cutest sort of meetcute. awee we met on grindr and you booked a kink sex hotel room 🥺🥺🥺 now fall in love. amazing.

Where You Lead by Linsky

pairing: nico hischier/jack hughes rating: E words: 42k summary: There are no subs in the NHL. So Jack isn’t one, obviously.

ive been waiting for this fic to be done so i could rec it and oh my god was it worth it. im also a big sucker for a bdsm au, and w these two you can just.... do so much..... its so good,,,, hurt/comfort my beloved.....

like one of your girls by Idday

pairing: jack eichel/connor mcdavid rating: E words: 13k summary: “I’m not a girl,” Connor blurts, all at once. Jack doesn’t even flinch. “I know that,” he says. “But you want to be my girl. Don’t you.” 

i forced myself to pick only one idday fic this month and while i loved them both... this one... oughhhh... the "Connor just wants to be a 1950s housewife" tag sold me so hard and i am a happy customer. 100% would purchase again....

no but really (an unserious au tumblr primer) by snowinthestars

pairing: jack eichel/connor mcdavid rating: T words: 2.6k summary: Connor McDavid is definitely dating the Oilers in-arena host Jack Eichel. Just let me show you my proof! [A fake Tumblr-style ship primer for an AU where Jack works for the Oilers' broadcast instead of playing.]

i love sort of meta-esque fics like this theyre so FUN to me!!! this one is like. a perfect example of that and what i mean.... likeee RAHH i would EAT up this primer in this universe... so great

[onsunnyside]

hi sonny bae! i’m back w more airhead!reader thots :))

ok so idk if this is like a national thing but i remember in my hometown, on the night before varsity football games, people that knew the players would decorate the teams locker room and leave like goodie baskets in each locker and now i’m just thinking what if curtis actually goes through w the football idea and airhead!reader got to decorate his locker🥺 his locker would be so cute, it’d literally scream y/n and he’d probably get teased about the glitter lettering (at least u used his favorite colors and not pink) and he’d act annoyed but his heart would grow ten times the size of his body. then he gets to the basket inside and it’s all his favorite snacks, favorite drinks, and…an envelope? what’s in the envelope? a letter? or mayhaps cute polaroids of u two together <3 mayhaps a polaroid of u wearing nothing but his jersey, and the next one? ur wearing nothing, just ur manicured hands covering ur most precious parts. and the last one?… well u sure didn’t leave much to the imagination🥰 - 🐚

oh my this is so adorable !! i love them !! hehe, it's a little combo of sweet couple pics, you two kissing or snuggled close, and ofc some spicy ones of you in his jersey, a lingerie set in his favourite colour, and plenty of tasteful nudes.

"Who took these?" He asks, staring at the sheer dress covering your breasts. You aren't wearing any panties, just squeezing your thighs shut and giving the camera a shy smile.

now, did you figure out how to take the photos on a timer, or did dummy you take up the offer of one of his friends who guaranteed they'd take the best pictures of you, from any angle😳

i'm also thinking of airhead!reader and curtis in the change room as she tries on clothes: everything is so tight and tiny, the skirt barely covers your ass and your nipples show through all the itty bitty t-shirts.

"Baby, don't you think it's a little... tight?" Curtis asked, gesturing to your cleavage. He could see your nipples right through the fabric, hard and just begging for his mouth. "Maybe try a different size?"

"But this is the only one they have!" You pout, "It's so cute. Isn't it cute on me?" You twirl, almost falling over in your heels. "Look at the strawberries, remember when we made chocolate-covered strawberries?"

Curtis does remember. It was a nice date with just the two of you, although you made a mess of yourself and the kitchen. The night ended with Curtis giving you a thorough wash in the shower—then getting you all messy again.

cough cough, he definitely calls you his little cumdump/cumrag

[w00wzerz]

Part One: The Gift 🎁

It is the holiday season for the Grayson family household! In this tale Dick realizes that there is only one woman in the galaxy who can keep him on his toes. Follow along as they partake in a set of fun Christmas activities while discovering the true understanding of the gift of family.

In the white marbled stool at the dining room table, Donna quietly eyed a stone faced Dick who stood dumbfounded across from her.

Rockin’ around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee consumed the room from Dick’s old record player that was gifted to him from Bruce centuries ago - and now rested untouched by the living room entrance.

“So you haven’t gotten her anything?” She hollered unintentionally, her voice riddled in full disbelief.

Dick shushed her frantically, tapping his index finger across his lips as he gestured his arm down the hall at the string of laughter that trailed from Gar’s room, where Kory was schooling Rachel and her boys, Gar, Conner and Tim on the complexities of Dominoes from her hometown Tamaran.

A comforting smile inched Donna’s lips as she snuggled back deeper into her seat, heaving her chest as she released a slight chuckle at his reaction.

“You do know that Christmas is 3 days away right?” She began, tilting her head slightly at Dick’s poker face. Her hand cupped the chilled glass of her drink as she tipped it to her tinted red lips, allowing the painful bliss of age old bourbon to swim its course down her throat. She always did like the hard stuff.

“So what are you going to do?” She asked through a satisfied groan.

Dick slid his fingers through the loose curls that rested atop his forehead. His jaw clenched as he gnawed on the inside of his cheek, which he only ever did when he was either confused or in deep thought. However, right now he was growing genuinely frustrated by Donna’s line of questioning, seeing that he only pulled her aside for those specific answers.

“I don’t know Donna. That’s why I’m asking you - her best friend, for suggestions.” His mouth flattened into a straight line as he huffed out the world's largest sigh.

“Well knowing Kory, she can be a pretty hard woman to please. You’ve got your work cut out for you my friend.” A full grin played about Donna’s face as she raised her glass over at Dick, who rolled his eyes in return when he chugged it all down.

“I’m thinking of taking the boys out later for some last minute gift shopping for Kory and Rachel, you want to tag along?” Dick asked nonchalantly with his arms crossed tightly across his chest, in his normal fashion. He cocked a brow at a seemingly cherry Donna who had instantly lit up at the sound of gift shopping.

“Aww, you're getting me something too?” She whispered excitedly, collapsing her hands together as she perked her body forward from her seat.

“You really don’t have to,” she sang in a childlike manner.

However, Dick understood that this ploy was simply code for he did in fact, have to. He was not falling for her tricks again, especially not after last year when he practically had to beg Donna to speak to him again after he had bought gifts for everyone, except her and Kory. Not only was he forced to sit in silence as Kory blatantly cursed him out in Tamaranian, but he also had to put up with her and Donna’s cold shoulder for 2 whole weeks straight. It seemed Donna was far more upset for her friend Kory than herself, but nevertheless, Dick wanted to avoid that conflict at all costs. This year even Krypto was going to get a bone.

“I would love to,” she started, while resting her head comfortably in the palm of her hands on the kitchen counter.

“But why would I want to ruin the surprise? I have a better idea - come here.”

She nodded slightly, using her hands to gesture for Dick to lean in closer when she whispered, “I’ll take Kory out to find a big enough Christmas tree for us to decorate as a family. While you take the kids out to buy your girlfriend a gift.”

Girlfriend.

That word alone evoked a whirlwind of emotions from Dick who was still trying to comprehend his feelings for Kory. After the Titans had returned back to San Francisco from their life altering trip to Gotham, Dick had continually pondered on the sight of his - their beautiful baby girl that he had seen in his vision. He wished for nothing more, but to make it a reality. So he did what any man would do if they were in his shoes, he decided to commit fully to Kory. Devoting his complete and undivided attention to the woman of his dreams, his extraterrestrial, Tamaranean Queen.

It had been almost a year since they began dating and Dick wanted it to be a special holiday for her and the kids. So he planned to go all out. His only stump was obtaining the perfect gift that was suitable enough for a woman like Kory. A fine woman of royal confidence and class. Maybe Donna was right, he did have his work cut out for him.

————————————————————————

“Fuck,” Kory whispered behind clenched teeth when the thin heels of her golden, knee high boots mushed against the snow as she stumbled her way out of Donna’s glistening red 2021 edition, Ram 1000 pickup truck.

“These are new!” She whined, puckering her lips into an adorable pout that even Donna couldn’t help but flash a smile at.

“I told you to leave the fancy stuff at home,” Donna shrugged, slamming the car door behind her as she stomped her way through the slush over to a fashionable yet, evidently disgruntled Kory, who stood on the sidewalk with both her hands stuffed into the pockets of her crystal white Valentino jacket.

“We’re going shopping for a Christmas tree, not for a fashion show.” Donna remarked with her words laced heavily in sarcasm - she roamed her hands over her lazy ensemble of an oversized black puffer jacket and matching, brandless snow boots.

“It is literally going to take us 2 minutes.”

Kory’s legs trembled beneath her like a chicken - she reached out her arms on either side of her body to maintain her balance over the sheet of ice on the curb. It was at this moment that she began to realize that maybe heels weren’t the best choice for the day right after a blizzard.

Donna watched in amusement from behind her best friend moving a centimeter a minute, consumed by the fear of falling and busting her ass on the snow.

“Girl,” she chuckled as she placed a soft hand onto Kory’s lower back and gently linked her arm to her’s, “Let’s go, I got you.”

Kory flashed an embarrassed smile before huffing out a sigh, “what would I do without you, huh?”

“I don’t know, maybe fall and bust your ass on the snow back there.” Donna snickered between her words, evoking a fit of hysterical laughter from both of them as they stomped their way over to Smitties, the largest wholesale store in San Francisco - that surprisingly enough, had yet to sell out of brand new Christmas trees.

The bells attached to the very top of the automatic entrance doors clinked loudly in unison, announcing the arrival of Starfire and her bestie Wonder girl. At first the heroes simultaneously paused in their tracks, anticipating a crowd of civilians to swarm them, begging for pictures and an autograph despite their casual fitting. However, it seemed that the shoppers were all too fully absorbed in their holiday shopping and taking advantage of those last minute deals that they barely flinched at the sight of them.

“Well that was underwhelming,” Kory whispered in relief while bobbing her head slightly to All I Want For Christmas is You by Mariah Carey.

Smitties wasn’t much to marvel at, but Kory had already given in to the festive ornamentation of the shop. There was a sharp glimmer in her light green eyes that widened like a child at a candy store as she analyzed the string of colorful lights that clung onto the top wooden shelves of each aisle and the false white, fuzzy snow that draped snuggly around the balloon figurine of Santa Clause who happily greeted them in the center aisle.

Donna tightened her latch onto Kory’s arm, leading her past the family themed holiday games and the superfun DIY gingerbread house kits.

“Blorthog,” Kory began, the glimmer in her eyes fading slowly with each matching step.

“Where I’m from, Blorthog was the only holiday that us Tamaraneans were ever allowed to celebrate. It was the only time that we got to highlight the true meaning of friendship and camaraderie. It is also why I may never be able to fully understand an earthly tradition like this. But us, doing this -” she waved her free arm over the shelves as they moved, “is a breath of fresh air for me.”

A shy smile crawled its way across her lips as Donna eyed her friend closely. It took a few minutes for Donna to realize that they were still scanning the holiday aisle which more than likely urged Kory’s yearning for family related festivities. As an Amazonian, Donna was no stranger to abandonment and lack of family affection; however, she did not want to repeat that cycle here - in her new home. And almost like a lightbulb had gone off in Donna’s head, she paused in her tracks pulling Kory back with a small tug as well.

“Why don’t we throw a Christmas decorating party tonight at Titans Tower?” Donna suggested, her tinted lips urging a smile from Kory who was now grinning widely in return.

“And none of that boring old lets just sit around all day and wait until Christmas to open our gifts fiasco, like last year. Tonight we’re going to set up this tree, play some games and even have the boys participate in a little culinary competition. What do you think?”

Kory was speechless, she couldn’t believe the words that were exiting from her friend's mouth. Of course she loved the idea of everyone getting together for Christmas festivities tonight, but there was just so much to do, so much to prepare for!

“Your job is to pick out everything you’ll need for tonight from this store, make it work.”

Kory tilted her head slightly, allowing her bright red curls to fall from her shoulders. Her hands cupped at the side of her hips whilst she cocked an intrigued brow over at the tall, glassed star just above Donna’s head. The bright orange embellishment of the ornament was the spitting image of Kory’s ankle charm that was passed down from her mother Luand’r and had been a family heirloom for many light years.

“Let’s start there then.”

————————————————————————

“No way!” Gar glared at the huge purple diamond that rested in the center of an embroidered golden band.

Conner, Tim and Rachel surrounded Dick at the kitchen table, all grinning from ear to ear.

“Is it real?” Conner asked innocently, marveling at the smooth violet casing.

“Obviously. Though I doubt that it lives up to anything they have on Tamaran,” Dick said flatly. “You have Rachel to thank for this, she’s the one who picked it out.”

The room erupted in a set of applause from the three boys as Rachel took a stand from her stool, waving to the crowd and bowing along in the process.

“Thank you, thank you.”

“Kory’s going to love it,” Gar beamed a smile before taking a huge bite from the apple in his hand.

Tim rested his back on the kitchen counter, draping an arm around Gar’s neck, he nodded before stealing a bite from the other end.

“No doubt about it.”

Dick smiled smugly to himself, evidently proud of his decision to propose to Kory on Christmas day. He was pleased that the gift was so well received by his family. Now the next step was ensuring that Kory would say yes to be his wife - forever.

***

After Dick, Rachel and the boys had returned home from their last minute shopping spree for Kory and Donna, well mostly Donna - seeing that it was really the kids who had forgotten her this year. Dick had already purchased her gift centuries ago and was only waiting for the perfect time to have the kids wrap it up for him.

Once the living room entrance shut behind them, Gar gestured for his siblings to disperse back into his room with their bags to hopefully abandon it and play video games. Before they could even think to spin on their heels, Dick gestured for everyone to take a seat in the woven luxury sofas by the fireplace.

“What's this about?” Conner arched a confused brow over to Tim as he took a seat beside him, while he simply shrugged in return.

“Where’s Krypto? Come here boy!” Gar called for his furry friend to bring some form of entertainment to his boredom. He beamed a wide grin when he felt his favorite pup snuggle beneath the crack of his legs. Krypto gladly leaped onto his lap, nestling between the soft grazing of Gar’s palms.

“Oh man,” Gar began, with his eyes gradually widening the size of tennis balls, “he’s going to tell us that we’re moving!”

“Woof!”

“What?” Rachel screamed, her face flushed a bright pink as she turned to face an unamused Dick who watched with his arms tucked across his chest at his kids scrambling before him. A sly smirk edged the side of his lips when he opened his mouth to speak.

“Are you guys done?”

“Yes,” Tim retorted, “so can you please tell us what this is all about.”

Dick ran a nervous hand through his slick brown hair when he turned to face his kids, “do any of you guys know how to use gift wrap…?”

“You can’t be serious,” Rachel turned to lift her legs onto the sofa as she released a soft chuckle to herself, “that's cute Dick.”

Tim snickered, gently elbowing Conner who had grown the world's most obvious poker face as he tried his best to retain his laughter. And like a balloon, Gar’s sarcastically loud sigh was the needle that ultimately forced the room into a fit of laughter, with Conner holding his chest and stomping his feet synchronously.

“Don’t worry Dick, I got you covered,” Tim said while gripping his neck, in an attempt to catch his breath.

“Sure, get it all out,” Dick flashed a pearly white smile at his boys. The thing he always did when he was slightly flustered.

“But when you’re done, we’ll see who gets the last laugh on Christmas day when all of your gifts suddenly go missing. Ho, ho ho and I’ll get the last ha, ha, ha! Laugh!”

Dick chuckled at his own joke, stomping his feet in a tap dancing rhythm to mimic Conner’s exaggerated laugh. He finally swiped at the single tear that slipped from the rim of his eye when he turned to face the stone cold expressions of his kids.

“Whew, tough crowd.”

The room filled in awkward silence when Gar professionally mimicked the sound of crickets.

“So are you guys going to help me or what?”

“Sure,” Rachel nodded, using her hands to clear off her robe, she hurriedly stood up from her seat, “I can use my powers to wrap the gifts for you. Where are they?”

Dick clapped his hands “that's my girl!” He moved swiftly to his bedroom, returning back with a tall rectangular brown box with Donna’s name written largely in blue printed marker.

“Wow!” Gar and Tim cheered in unison at the size of it.

“What is it?” Conner asked, stretching his neck to get a better glimpse of the item in the box.

“She’s been begging me for this since we returned home from Gotham.” Dick said excitedly when he finally unhooked the clip from the sides of the box, unveiling a stunning, cherry red surfboard with three golden stripes leading across the edges.

“Are we going surfing?” Rachel blinked, when Dick chuckled,

“No, no, but she is.” He sighed loudly, patting the hardened casing around the board before pointing his finger over to Rachel, “Let’s get this baby wrapped up before they return.”

————————————————————————

“We’re home!” Kory called excitedly from the entrance, with her struggling arms gripped tightly around the bags on her chest.

Donna placed the boxed Christmas tree by the sofas in the living room before turning to grab some of the bags from Kory.

“It would be nice if you guys could come out here and help us!” Donna screamed, when there was a loud creak from the bathroom door.

“Hey baby,” A sly smirk creeped onto Dick’s mouth as he moved swiftly to Kory.

“Hey,” the words escaped like a soft melody when Dick planted an intricate wet kiss onto her lips, trailing down slowly to the crack of her neck.

“Mmm,” Kory purred, giggling like a teenage girl with a highschool crush.

“You smell so good,” Dick groaned behind a low whisper. The look in his eyes was more than enough to communicate exactly what he was thinking, while Kory’s legs wiggled to mush beneath his touch. She wanted him just as bad as he wanted her right now. For a moment the holidays had completely slipped her line of thought.

Donna’s face scrunched as she watched the entirety of the scene from behind in utter disgust.

“Get a room! At least take off your jacket Kory!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Kory sang embarrassingly - her cheeks flushed a bright pink complexion, which further emphasized the creek green highlights in her eyes.

Dick was simply entranced, he couldn’t help but lose himself in her beauty each and every time. Just the thought that he would soon claim this loving; caring woman all for himself propelled him on a trip to the moon.

“So we have a huge day planned for us today.” Donna began in an elevated tone that eventually forced the kids and Krypto out of their rooms.

“We are throwing a holiday decorating party!” Kory exclaimed excitedly with her arms spread out in a wide V shape above her body.

Dick’s chest heaved as he released a slight chuckle at the kids' unamusement, which completely contrasted that of Kory’s.

“Oh come on guys, don’t be a party pooper!” Dick chimed in, wrapping a soft arm around the waist of his soon to be wife.

“Let’s do it.”

End

————————————————————————

Tamaranean Glossary

Blorthog - A celebration of friendship that happens once a year on the planet Tamaran.

————————————————————————-

Chapter 2 - Let the Games Begin is next!

Hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Taglist : @escapism-through-imagination @d-grayson58 @graysonfamfan2021 @meetmeunderthestarrynight

[fleetingpieces]

My One in a Million CH 6

Here we go! Thanks for the patience and support everyone❤️

Thank you to my amazing betas @knittingdreams and @inloveoknutzy I love you both so much❤️

And thank you so much lovely @heyitssmiller for your amazing vet knowledge and kind help, I hope what I wrote makes sense!😅

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added! <3 )

@justdyingontheinside @donttouchmycarrots @heyoitslysso @whataboutmyfries @sunflowerfox87 @hereforwolfstarr @potterlocked24-7 @cheekeebabe

CW: dog getting sick

Here’s the Masterlist, and the story in Ao3 if you prefer to read there :)

Chapter 6 - Water tides

Remus let the water wrap around him lazily as he swam down the middle of Gryffindor Tower’s indoor pool at a serene pace. He was glad to have the place all to himself that late afternoon, as he was exhausted after a pretty intense workout.

His day had been fully booked; he’d been out since morning, only stopping home long enough to grab his gym bag and head to the building’s top floor. He was trying to clear his head and organize his thoughts, but just like in the past three days, his mind drifted to the gift that was still sitting face-down in his guestroom, waiting for him to figure out what the hell to do with it.

As he reached the other end of the pool, he stood there with his hands caressing the surface of the water, feeling the slight resistance it made against his palms.

Sirius had seemed so genuinely sorry and like he was really putting in the effort, and Remus didn’t know what to make of it. It was still hard to believe how fast things had changed; this was the man that had been driving him crazy for weeks... but he was also the one that was making Remus open up about his past, even if it was just a little bit. Even Cocoa liked him. It’d been really hard for Remus not to turn into a fucking pile of goo when he saw them together, and fuck if Sirius’ starstruck face didn’t do things to him. People were usually afraid of Cocoa, but Sirius had opened his arms to him straight away.

What an adorable bastard.

Remus groaned and dived underwater. He stayed in place, floating with his eyes closed. Doing this always gave him a sense of peace that very few other things could. With the exception of yoga, maybe.

It was terribly ironic how sometimes he felt like he couldn’t bring air into his lungs when he remembered that time, but being underwater felt so soothing, even if he was obviously not breathing. There was something about the stillness of it and how weightless it made him feel, as if nothing could bring him down; and having his eyes closed, he could imagine having infinite space all around him, like maybe he’d blink and he’d be floating with the stars.

A splash of bubbles that could only mean another person had jumped into the pool reached his ears.

Remus held on for a few seconds more before he stood up, breaking the surface as he passed a hand through his face and hair to get the water out of his eyes.

“Merde.”

The whispered word echoed in the big room, though Remus was probably not supposed to hear it. He froze with a hand still in his curls and turned towards the voice.

“Sorry, I thought it was empty,” Sirius said from a few feet away. He lifted a muscular arm to rub at the back of his head and frowned with a small smile. “Just how long can you hold your breath?”

Remus just stared at him. At the way the droplets of water dripped from his dark locks and ran down his chest and the planes of his stomach. He swallowed, lifting his gaze before it could travel down further and focused on the piercing grey eyes that were already staring back at him. It felt as though Sirius could see into his soul, and it shocked Remus to realise that the thought wasn’t as scary as it should be.

Remus wasn’t sure how long they stood there, it could have been a second or maybe hours, but the smile slowly faded from Sirius’ face.

“I can go?” he asked unsurely.

“No!” Remus said hastily, before clearing his throat. “No, it’s fine.”

“Ok...” Sirius seemed surprised. They stared at each other a few moments more, Remus wracking his brain for something to say but coming up short. Sirius shifted on his feet. “Well, I don’t want to get in your way, so…”

He started turning around to go to the other side of the pool. Remus took a deep breath.

“Wait.”

Stopping mid-movement, Sirius turned around, arching a perfect eyebrow.

“I…” Remus started, but closed his mouth. Sirius’ eyes softened, and Remus started again, more firmly. “I never thanked you.”

That made Sirius frown. “Why would you need to thank me?”

“For the painting,” Remus said simply, though he figured it should be obvious. He couldn’t help but add with a small crooked smile, “and for the cookies too. Even though they were awful.”

Sirius barked a laugh, covering his face with a hand, and Remus found himself wishing he didn’t. He wanted to see the way his eyes crinkled. “Yeah, well. I should have asked first before I did anything, sorry I assumed-”

“No,” Remus interrupted, shaking his head. “No, you had no way of knowing.” He stopped to take another deep breath. “I'm sorry, I overreacted.”

Sirius raised both eyebrows at that, he clearly hadn't expected an apology. He regarded Remus steadily before he shrugged. “It's important to you. I think it's perfectly reasonable to react the way you did.”

Such a simple phrase, and yet something tugged fiercely in Remus’ chest. He tried to ignore it and sank until the water covered up to his shoulders. There was something about this man that made raw emotions come to the surface, and he tried his best to control them.

“Still, you were only trying to do something nice. So thank you.”

Sirius nodded as he stared at him, a small smile on his face again.

“Maybe we can start over?” He swam closer and Remus resisted the urge to sink lower. Instead, he got up when the other man extended a hand towards him. "Hi. I'm Sirius Black, and I live in apartment 12. Nice to meet you," he grinned.

The resolution on Sirius' face made Remus smile too, before he glanced down at the outstretched hand and reached to shake it. Despite the coldness of the water, Sirius’ palm was so warm that Remus felt it in his core, and he looked back up quickly to find Sirius giving him an odd look.

“Remus Lupin. I’m in apartment 10, right next to yours. Funny that we didn’t bump into each other sooner,” he said playfully, earning himself another wholehearted laugh from the other man, his chest rising and falling with it.

“Ouais, funny that,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. He let go of Remus’ hand and promptly plunged underwater, emerging only one second later while shaking his hair like a dog and sending a wall of droplets in Remus’ face. 

“You mutt,” said Remus as he raised an arm to cover himself, making Sirius smile widely. 

God, does he ever stop grinning? 

“So, what brought you to Gryffindor?”

The casual way he asked it made Remus relax some more. He sagged back down and moved from the shallow part of the pool, treading water as he thought of everything that had led him here.

“It’s kind of a long story, but the main reason is that I wanted to expand my brand, and I thought living in a bigger city would be better for that purpose.”

Sirius nodded as though he knew exactly what Remus was talking about. “Yeah, that makes sense. Where did you live before?”

A wistful smile tugged at Remus’ mouth, and he noticed Sirius tilting his head in curiosity. “In the countryside, just outside of Gryffindor. I was born there and lived in that town my whole life until I decided to move here.”

“Do you miss it?” Sirius asked softly.

The water lapping around them was the only sound in the air as Remus looked down at his hands, weaving them just beneath the surface.

“Yeah...I miss my mum and Leo mostly. I know it’s not too far, but it’s not easy to see them either. I guess it’s hard for me not seeing them everyday.” Remus didn’t add that it made him feel lonely, or like he was back in room 308, but Sirius seemed to sense that it was making him feel sad, cause he didn’t ask more about that and moved to another question.

“What’s your hometown like?”

Remus smiled thankfully at him. “It’s really small, nothing compared to this,” he made a sweeping gesture with his arm. “But it’s beautiful. There’s this beach that Leo and I used to go to all the time when we were kids, and later on we would always find the time to go there on small camping trips, just the two of us in bedrolls, sleeping under the stars. It became a tradition. And then, there’s a forest on the other side, with these huge trees that go on for miles, and there’s a-” Remus stopped himself when he realised he’d been going on and on without a pause, blushing a bit. He looked at Sirius sheepishly. “Sorry, I got a bit carried away.”

But Sirius was just looking at him with a dopey smile. “That’s ok. I like listening to you speak.”

Remus didn’t know what to do with that, so he cleared his throat. “What about you?”

“Hm?” Sirius asked distractedly.

“Did you always live here?”

That seemed to snap him out of whatever he’d been lost in. He ran a hand through his hair, which stayed pushed back, sleeked by the water. Remus liked it. He could see more of his face like this.

“Uh, no. I grew up in Slytherin, actually. But I went to boarding school when I got older, so I spent a lot of my teenage years there. It’s where I met James and most of the guys.”

There it was again, that fond smile, and Remus found himself asking, wanting to know more, “what was it like, going to a boarding school?”

Sirius laughed at that, and walked to lean his back against the side of the pool, his forearms resting over the edge. He tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling with a faraway look. “Oh, it was great. Not so much at the beginning though. I lived a pretty sheltered life up to that point, so you can imagine I was a bit of a snobbish dick.”

“A bit?” Remus raised a teasing eyebrow, making Sirius laugh again and focus his gaze on him.

“Trust me, whatever you think of me now, I was ten times worse.”

“I don’t really think you’re like that,” Remus replied, and was surprised to realise he meant it. Sirius’ smile faltered, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Remus beat him to it quickly, “so what made you change?”

There were a few seconds in which Sirius just stared at him with an unreadable expression. “James,” he said plainly in the end.

“James?”

“James,” Sirius agreed. “Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if we hadn’t met. He made me see I was behaving like an idiot, and everything I was missing out on.” He turned his head and gave Remus a sad smile before he continued, “I didn’t have any real friends before James.”

There was a deep pain rooted there that Remus couldn’t completely grasp, but he felt that it wasn’t his place to ask. “So you guys were friends from the start?”

“Pretty much,” he said, and then a laugh escaped him. “I tried to shove him aside at first, but he clung to me like a koala. I don’t even know why he wanted to be friends with me then.”

Remus thought about the way Sirius’ face lit up when he was close to James or when he talked about him. It was obvious to anyone that they were close, and how much it meant to Sirius.

“Well, I’m glad you found him.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said softly, “me too.”

“So how did you end up in Gryffindor?”

Sirius chuckled, “that would be James’ fault again. He grew up here, and I used to spend months at his house during the summer hols. It’s where I went when I finally ran from home; his parents took me in.”

He’d spoken casually, like it was the most normal thing in the world, but still Remus felt his heart stutter. “You...you ran away?”

Sirius’ eyes widened a bit, clearly he hadn’t realised how much he’d said. He glanced at Remus a bit wearily, who hastened to add, “I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk about it.”

Some of the tightness seemed to leave Sirius’ shoulders as he exhaled sharply. “No, it’s ok. I...fuck. My family and I had different views about...things. They own this big company and run in some upper circles of society that I never had any interest in.”

It was Remus’ turn to have his eyes widen like ping pong balls as the realisation hit him like a bag of wet sand. “Wait...you’re that Black? From Black Enterprises?”

The tension in Sirius’ jaw was so sudden and intense, Remus regretted his words instantly.

“No. I mean, yes. I should be. But I left that behind years ago.”

There was a crease between his brows, and Remus’ hand started stretching towards it to smooth it, but he caught himself in time and pretended to scratch at his cheek instead.

“Ah, sorry, my bad. I thought for a second that you were. But you must be the Sirius Black from Gryffindor, huh? I’ve heard great things about him,” Remus said in a light tone. At first, Sirius frowned at him as if he’d gone crazy and Remus shifted awkwardly. But slowly, it started melting away until he started laughing at Remus’ antics, one hand clutching his stomach.

“God, you’re so weird.” There was that sweet smile again, directed fully at him, and Remus’ heart stuttered for an entirely different reason.

After that, Remus lost track of time as they talked and splashed about. He felt surprisingly light. Laughter was not in short amounts, an easy banter settling between them, and sometimes he’d catch Black staring at him with an indecipherable smile on his face. It felt like they’d been friends for years and not just a few hours, which was something Remus’ brain couldn’t completely wrap around.

Their topics went from the most trivial things to some that bordered in way-too-intimate for how long they’d known each other, but it didn’t feel weird or forced.

Remus mentioned how much he enjoyed a cup of tea in the afternoon. Sirius told him that he’d started smoking at 16, and had quit three times so far but started again when he felt overwhelmed. Remus talked a bit about his mum and how hard she worked to bring money in, and how Remus had to practically beg her to let him help once his business had taken off. Sirius confessed to being afraid of spiders to which Remus couldn’t keep in a laugh.

“Really? Spiders?”

“Oh, shut up, you,” Sirius had said with no real venom as he splashed him with water, making Remus laugh harder. Remus didn’t miss how Sirius' eyes hadn’t left his face when he’d looked back up at him.

They had started drifting closer to each other, and right then Sirius was swimming backwards around Remus as he told a story about a school prank. Remus was turning around slowly on his feet to keep him in sight, entirely too conscious of the way that the movement with each backstroke made Sirius’ back look even bigger. And how the waves Sirius was making kept lapping at Remus’ lower belly.

What the fuck am I thinking?

He shook his head just in time to catch Sirius’ next question.

“Did you always know you wanted to teach yoga?”

“Oh. Well, not really. I always thought I wanted to be a writer,” Remus chuckled. “But then after...Um, a couple years ago I decided to start a healthier lifestyle, and discovered I really liked it.” He gave a small shrug. “I decided to focus on that, and I don’t regret my decision.”

Sirius hummed as he kept swimming with his eyes closed. Feeling a bit weird just staring at him, Remus pushed his legs up and started floating on his back, focusing on the ceiling instead.

“So, what do you do for a living?” he asked.

He heard more than saw Sirius stop and stand up at once.

“I um...I work as a freelancer from home.”

“That’s nice. What kind of jobs do you do?”

“Oh, all sorts of things. Y’know, I never learned to float like that,” he said in a rush, which struck Remus as a bit weird. He let his feet angle down and touch the floor, and he pulled himself upright to eye Sirius curiously. He was fidgeting, but smiled at Remus hopefully, so Remus smiled too.

“Would you like me to teach you?”

Sirius’ face lit up. “Would you?”

“If you want,” Remus shrugged.

Sirius nodded enthusiastically and took a couple steps closer.

“Ok, try to align yourself with the water, and I’ll help by holding you until you can adjust your body on your own. It’s easier to float if you take a deep breath and hold it, so let’s start with that.”

“Ok, I can do that.”

“You need to be perfectly relaxed, ok? Save that puppy energy for something else.”

“D’accord, d’accord,” Sirius rolled his eyes. Remus tried to ignore how nicely the words rolled out of his tongue.

He watched as Sirius breathed in and pulled himself into a horizontal position. He held it for barely one second before he started sinking, so Remus took a deep breath too and moved over to place one hand in the middle of his back, and the other under his head.

Soft.

It was all Remus could think as the dark strands of hair fell between his fingers.

“Tip your head back and lift your chin. There should be no tension on your neck.” Remus’ voice was mellow, automatically slipping into the tone he used for his classes. “Put your arms just like this.” He removed his hand from Sirius’ head and used it to bring the arm closest to him slightly up, Sirius’ fingers brushing against Remus’ thigh, and then placed it back in the inky hair.

“My hips keep going down,” Sirius chuckled, making the water ripple in small waves. His eyes were closed, his chin tilted up just like Remus had told him to, exposing the long lines of his neck. Remus looked away, trying to keep a blush at bay.

“Ok, I’m going to move my hand to support you better, is that ok?”

A breathy “oui” was all he got for an answer.

Remus’ hand trailed down, his fingers brushing against Sirius’ spine until he could place it more firmly against the small of his back. He could’ve sworn he felt Sirius shiver, but that could be because of the water.

Looking down at Sirius’ toes, he told him to try and relax more. His eyes went up his legs as he gave small advices on how he should place his body, passing by the blue swim trunks that clung to his thighs, then kept going up his hip bones, toned stomach and chest, telling him to try and push up. He glanced up at that long, elegant neck, until he finally stopped when he found silver eyes staring intently at him.

In that moment, with those eyes locked with his and feeling overly conscious of the skin he was touching, Remus felt a bolt go through his fingers and removed his hands instantly as if he’d been burned, and Sirius flailed his arms and sank.

He stood up spluttering, water dripping everywhere.

“Remus what the fuck-” he started complaining, but stopped short when he realised just how close they were standing.

Remus felt his breath hitch in his throat as he was engulfed in the grey once more. Wet hair fell over his eyes, and this close, he could make out all the shades, every spot in those irises. He felt like he was staring at a tempest sea, the calmness around them making him feel like he was in the eye of the hurricane, and he was about to be swept up in the storm.

Sirius’ breath fanned against Remus’ face, slipping between his parted lips. His eyes darted down to stare at Sirius’ mouth, those pink lips that looked so incredibly soft that Remus wanted to reach up and touch them with his fingers. The tip of his tongue moved to wet his lips, and when he glanced up again he caught Sirius following the movement. The other man inched his face closer, torturously slow, until Remus tilted his head up slightly.

Everything around them seemed to be suspended in time, waiting, waiting… And then that same memory was flashing through his mind and Remus pulled away.

“Remus?” Sirius asked, confused, and Remus’ heart gave another painful tug.

“I...I...” Remus backed against the wall so much he wished he could just become one with it. Sirius took a step back and watched him with worried eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...Are you ok?”

“I just- I...I gotta go.”

Not waiting for any answer, Remus turned around and lifted himself out of the water, and basically bolted back to the changing rooms.

He didn’t even stop to take a shower, just changed his clothes as fast as he could, grateful that Sirius didn’t come looking for him.

Once inside his flat, he unceremoniously dropped his bag and keys on the floor, and let his head fall back against the door.

What the fuck was that?

It was so not like him to do something like this. He knew better than to get tangled in... in whatever happened at the pool was. Focus on your career, that was the goal. No time to meet anyone just to get into a relationship, get attached, and then be left broken.

But Sirius just...it felt so natural to be around him. Remus was still surprised at how comfortable he felt around the other man, given the way they’d started things off. If the image he’d had of Sirius was so far off the mark, then maybe Sirius was not like-

No.

He was done with relationships and that was that.

“Ugh, fuck,” Remus groaned, then finally glanced around his flat. “Cocoa?” he called, surprised that he hadn’t been tackled in a bear hug yet. “Cocoa, c’mon boy. Let’s go for a walk. Fuck knows I certainly need some fresh air.”

It was dark outside already, but Remus’ heart was still beating wildly, and he didn’t think he could stand to just stay inside. He needed to calm down and get his mind off dark hair, stormy eyes and wet lips.

When he still got no response, Remus frowned. It was very unlike Cocoa not to rush to greet him or come to him when called. Even if he’d been sleeping, he’d always wake up to the sound of Remus coming back home.

Remus stepped into the living room, walking around the couch to where Cocoa usually laid in his dog bed. And there he was, with his head between his paws, looking up at Remus with big, yellow eyes. He whined when Remus got close.

“Hey boy, there you ar-” Remus stopped himself with the immediate knowledge that something was wrong. Cocoa was trying to get up, but his legs were trembling and he fell over. Remus rushed forward and knelt at his side, noting how fast Cocoa’s heart was beating, and the spasms still going through his body. “What’s going on? Cocoa, what’s wrong?”

Remus was frantically trying to figure out what was happening when his eyes landed on a crumpled piece of paper. He snatched it up and his heart stopped. It was the wrapper for one of his favourite dark chocolates, and there were only a couple of bitten pieces left in it.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, how did you get this? When did you-? Oh my God, when did you eat it?” Remus wracked his brain, trying to remember if the wrapper was there when he’d stop by his flat a few hours earlier, but he had no idea. He remembered thinking Cocoa seemed a bit more energetic than usual, but he hadn’t thought too much of it.

Shaking out of the whirlpool that were his thoughts, Remus carefully picked Cocoa up and rushed to the door.

“Please hang on, boy. Please, please, please hang on.”

[animationadventures]

Yesterday’s Lie was everything we hoped it would be!

Luz found her way back to the human realm, but not completely. She was able to see into it and talk to people, but she could not touch anything. To be fair, it was her and the house’s first attempt at building a portal door. I noticed that she tore off the thumb of Amity’s glove, so maybe that means they have four more chances to perfect the door and let her clear things up with her mom?

Once again, the show managed to surprise me. I thought that Creepy Luz was going to be some horrifying creature that Luz and Camila would have to confront together while clearing the air of where Luz has been the whole time and what she has been doing instead of attending camp. Creepy Luz is actually a greater basilisk- love the continuity reaching so far back to The First Day by the way- and she is a scared child looking for a safe haven from the Emperor’s Coven. I’ll admit that I did not recognize Michaela Dietz’s voice, my first impression was that they got the voice of Applejack and Rainbow Dash from MLP, Ashleigh Ball, to the voice instead, but I have since been corrected.

Through Luz and Vee’s, the greater basilisk’s name is Vee, trip around town to find magic for Vee to consume so she can continue masquerading as Luz, we got a greater glimpse at Luz’s home life. Her hometown is Gravesfield- how appropriate for a show exploring the demon realm and the horror genre- and Phillip Wittebane appears to have had a brother based on the town history, which raises a whole bunch of new questions regarding Belos and Hunter. Vee made friends at camp, and they seem to still enjoy their oddball hobbies like fortune telling, so maybe the camp would not have been so bad for Luz after all.

As it turns out, Camila is a veterinarian instead of a doctor or a nurse, which honestly makes a lot of sense since Luz probably brought a lot of wild animals like those snakes from the first episode home. She also came back and drove Vee, who had switched with Luz, to camp instead of having her wait for the bus.

Eda has made her mark in the human realm as a local legend, such as getting banned from a coffee shop for trying to buy stuff with a raccoon, and she made an impression on the villain of the episode, a local historian turned conspiracy theorist. I can’t believe they made a nod to the fan theory she was Stan from Gravity Falls’ ex-wife Marilyn, like they keep teasing us. She probably has a bunch of magic stuff scattered around that Vee and Camila will have to find to maintain Vee’s transformation.

Then we have the ending of the episode, which is a bittersweet note to finish the first half of the season on. Camila came to Vee’s rescue from the conspiracy nut and accepted her into her home, learned where Luz has been, and made Luz promise to stay in the human realm when she finally gets back. Luz is so happy and thriving in the demon realm, so for her to make that promise is a twist to the gut. Hopefully in time, Camila will see the support network Luz has now and release her from the promise like Amity did in Covention upon learning Luz could do magic in her own way.

Owl House is an amazing story. It has a cast of memorable, distinct characters; it has a creatively designed world with an equally inspired magic system. The show does everything exactly it’s supposed to- make you laugh, cry, and experience the whole spectrum of emotions. Not a lot of animated shows do that anymore, it’s all about cheap laughs from toilet humor and dumbing down the script so toddlers can understand what is going on.

Danny Phantom ended before it could reach its natural conclusion, and finished in a rushed mess. DuckTales ended before it could reach its natural conclusion, and finished with a sloppy finale and lots of hanging plot threads. Just two days ago, it came out that there were plans for a season 4 despite previous claims of intentions to finish with season 3. Infinity Train is currently in an unknown limbo, and could potentially end with Book 4 before reaching its natural conclusion with so many mysteries about how the train works still unanswered.

I refuse to let The Owl House suffer the same fate. You can help by sending letters, not emails, to Disney asking them for a full season four! It’s too late to extend season three, but there’s still a chance for more after that! Here’s the address:

DisneyTVA

811 Sonora Avenue

Glendale, CA

91201, USA

The USA part is only for international fans, so if you live in the States, you don’t need that part for the address. When writing your letter, remember to be polite and not accusatory or rude, because they will perceive anything sounding accusatory or rude as hate mail and throw it out without consideration. Also make sure to watch The Owl House on Disney + if you have it because they are watching the viewership numbers on there too.

Additionally, Rebecca Rose on Youtube has found some more specific addresses that might help make the push. These might be executives that have power over what gets renewed and what doesn’t. Write to them, tell them how much The Owl House means to you and what you like about it, but DO NOT accuse them of canceling the show and DO NOT be rude. Here’s the addresses she included in a video description about an The Owl House trend party:

Gary Marsh

811 Sonora Ave

Glendale, CA

91201

OR

Peter Rice

ABC Riverside Building, 2300 W Riverside Dr

Burbank, CA

91506

On Twitter and other sites, make sure to use #MoreTheOwlHouse in your tweets and other posts. There’s a trend party going on today to bring The Owl House to people’s attention and that we want more of it.

Looking forward to the second half of the season after the hiatus. Hopefully, it will not be as long as the wait between season one and season two was. Until next time!

Go Hexside!

[aphrodisians]

◜     choi  yerim  ,  ciswoman  ,  twenty .     ◞     ┈     through     her     all     -     seeing     crystal     ball,     [     𝚁𝙴𝙳𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳     ]     has     her     winking     eye     trained     on     hestia     jones.     the     ever - enigmatic     fifth     year     is     infamous     for     her     righteous     ways,     but     something     new     seems     to     be     weighing     our     resident     au     courant     down.     a     rumor     is     spreading     through     these     ancient     halls     like     fiendfyre,     &     even     their     erudite     face     can't     save     them     from     the     flames.     she     can     try     to     drown     out     their     sorrows     to     the     tune     of     goddess,     but     xana     can't     fix     everything     ⏤     much     less     something     as     grim     as     [     𝚁𝙴𝙳𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳     ].     but     ten     points     to     ravenclaw     for     trying.

hey  besties <3  i’m  cc  &  i’m  super  excited  2  be  here!  i’m  writing  your  local  hater,  hestia  jones,  who  i’ve  actually  never  written  before  but  i’m  really  excited  for  her.  anywhomstdve,  i’d  love  to  plot  w  all  of  you  &  i’m  ecstatic  for  this!

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬.⠀ ⠀

an  accidental  crack  of  a  book  spine  that  echoes  throughout  an  otherwise  silent  library,  never  letting  anything  pass  you  by  –  never  letting  yourself  be  unaware,  unwelcome  surprises  that  you  greet  with  flushed  cheeks  and  clenched  fists,  a  collection  of  skirts  stolen  from  a  mother  that  has  seemed  to  have  forgotten  you,  bruises  forming  next  to  the  scrapes  on  almost - broken  knees,  passing  tears  off  as  just  ‘my  eyes  are  sweating’  &  heavy,  heavy,  bags  underneath  eyes  that  just  never  seem  to  sleep.

⠀ ﹟𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐲

birth  name.    jeong  hyun - ae nickname(s)  /  alias(es).    hestia  jones. preferred  name.    hestia  jones,  only  hyun - ae  to  family  +  very  close  friends age  +  dob.    twenty  +  dec.  23 hometown.    belfast,  ireland blood  status.    half  -  blood house.    ravenclaw activities.    fifth  year  prefect,  ravenclaw  chaser,  chess  +  duelling label.    au  courant  –    aware  of  what  is  going  on;  well  informed ethnicity.    korean nationality.    irish gender.    cis  woman pronouns.    she  +  her face  claim.    choi  yerim

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝.⠀ ⠀

height.    five  feet,  seven  inches  /  170cm tattoos.    none piercings.    earlobes  only scars.    a  two  cm  line  that  lays  horizontally  above  her  left  eyebrow  from  falling  off  her  broomstick  during  her  third  year  at  hogwarts hair.    never  dyed,  meticulously  taken  care  of  but  rarely  styled.  naturally  falls  straight  and  is  often  left  down eyes.    round  and  dark,  accompanied  often  by  dark  bags  underneath  and  an  absence  of  makeup usual  expression.    stressed.  just  like,  if  you  look  at  her  you  can  tell  she’s  going  through  it  (  and  has  been  for  like  the  past  three  years  ),,,  she  needs a  break  but  she  will  not  be  getting  one  <3 distinguishing  features.    cheeks  that  always  seem  to  be  flushed  a  rosy  hue  of  pink,  bags  underneath  her  eyes  that  are  haphazardly  covered  with  fake  glasses or  makeup,  brown  -  hued  hair  that  just  always  falls  correctly

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀

( + )  positive.    erudite,  bluestocking,  intuitive,  heedful ( - ) negative.    righteous,  hubristic,  zealous,  moralistic natal  chart.    triple  capricorn,  pour  one  out mbti.    istj  -  a,  investigator moral  alignment.    neutral  good godly  parent.    athena languages  spoken.    korean  +  english likes.    quiet  -  the  kind  of quiet  that  comes  only  in  the  early  hours  of  the  morning  +  in  restricted  access  zones  where  it’s  close  to  silence  (  but  not  quite  ),  victory  in  all  forms,  feeling  appreciated  tbh,  sleeping  but  genuinely  hasn’t  gotten  a  good  night  of  sleep  in  years,  the  color  yellow,  scarves  that  are  long  enough  to  wrap  her  entire  head  <3,  being  a  hater dislikes.    attention  (  though  she  is  overjoyed  /  obsessed  with  winning  ),  losing  -  a  notoriously  sore  loser,  being  out  of  control  in  any  situation  -  even  if  she  can  have  no  humanly  control  over  it,  nail  polish  (  because  she  bites  her  nails  :/  ),  actually  reading  i’ll  be  honest,  staircases quirks.    as  mentioned  above,  bites  her  nails  often,  doodles  when  stressed  (  which  is  all  the  time  )  -  is  halfway  decent  at  it  too  thanks  to  all  of  the  practice,  can  fall  asleep  in  two  seconds  if  given  the  opportunity,  taps  her  foot  a  lot hobbies.    being  a  hater,  being  obnoxious  enough  to  have  attention  (  aka  dramatic  )  n  then  having  the  audacity  to  complain  about  the  stress

⠀ ﹟𝐝𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫

when  he  meets  your  mother,  he  tells  you  it’s  like  the  world  stopped  turning.  she  was  enchanting,  he  says,  like  a  rose  blooming  in  the  dead  of  winter,  a  blossom  of  red  among  a  blanket  of  white  -  and  he  swears  that  he  has  never  loved  anyone  more.  their  romance  is  swift,  a  bouquet  of  flowers  traded  for  an  engagement  ring  and  a  passionate  kiss  exchanged  for  the  start  of  a  family.  your  father  never  says  anything  bad  about  your  mother,  raising  you  on  his  own  with  a  faint  line  on  his  ring  finger.  she  will  be  back  soon,  he  says  with  glazed  eyes  and  love-flushed  cheeks  that  you  seem  to  inherit.  she  will  come  back  soon,  he  tucks  you  in  with  a  faraway  look  on  his  features  and  you  realize  with  a  ceiling  full  of  glow-in-the-dark  stars  that  he  isn’t  okay.  but,  you  hold  his  hand  when  crossing  the  streets  with  you  leading  and  you  let  him  dawdle  about  your  mother  and  you  pat  the  top  of  his  head  when  he  falls  asleep  waiting  for  your  mother.  she’ll  be  back,  he  says,  unaware  that  she  only  visits  when  he’s  not  around.  she  will  come  back  soon,  he  waits  for  her,  a  stranger  in  his  own  body.

you  yearn  for  control  the  way  your  peers  yearn  for  freedom.  freedom,  you  have  enough  of,  but  everything  in  your  life  is  just  out  of  reach.  for  your  entire  childhood,  you  grasp  at  everything  and  nothing,  your  fingers  brushing  past  the  things  you  desire  most.  you  are  a  young  girl  with  magic  in  your  blood,  but  you  watch  from  the  end  of  your  driveway  as  life  seems  to  spin  so  wildly  out  of  control.  your  father  isn’t  okay,  but  you  don’t  understand  why.  your  mother  comes  around  wearing  guilt  like  one  wears  a  birthmark  and  you  can’t  fathom  why.  you  are  left  alone  on  playgrounds  and  with  scrapes  on  your  knees  and  people  whisper  about  you  but  you  don’t  understand  why.  life  goes  on  with  or  without  you,  and  you  think  it  unacceptable.  it’s  infuriating  being  in  the  backseat,  unable  to  control,  unable  to  know.  when  a letter  falls  into  your  hands,  you  swear  to  use  it  to  your  advantage.  you  refuse  to  ever  be  in  the  dark  again.

you  arrive  on  your  own,  a  year  older  than  your  peers,  a  sheltered  girl  from  a  muggle  world  and  you  look  around,  determined  to  change  your  life.  it’s  obvious  to  anyone  early  on  that  you’re  a  bright  girl,  ambition  tied  into  your  intelligence,  potential  pouring  over  every  single  one  of  your  edges.  for  a  while,  it  comes  easily.  you  know  things,  you  understand  things;  most  of  all,  you  learn  how  terribly  things  can  go  wrong.  you  swear  to  never  let  that  happen  to  you,  but  of  course,  life  has  bigger  plans  for  you.  the  first  few  years  fly  by  quick  and  your  hands  build  up  a  reputation  that  you’re  eager  to  upkeep.  you  wipe  the  sweat  off  of  your  palms  onto  your  skirts,  you  might  use  magic  to  make  sure  your  hair  always  looks  good,  you  always  know  the  latest  news,  you  always  pass  your  classes.  then,  you  go  home  during  your  third  year  to  an  empty  house  and  your  father  is gone.

when  you  return  after  the  winter  holidays,  it’s  obvious  that  something  is  -  wrong,  but  you  do  your  thing  and  you  pretend  everything  is  okay.  your  mother  in  all  of  her  magic  and  love  writes  you  a  letter,  telling  you  that  you’ll  be  in  her  care  and  that  only  stresses  you  out  more,  giving  you  gray  hair  and  bags  underneath  your  eyes  that  never  seem  to  away  from  that  point  on.  every  blink  is  heavier  now,  every  sliver  of  information  repeated  as  least  three  more  times,  everything  you  learn  adds  a  little  more  weight  to  your  shoulders.  but  you  soldier  on.  you  become  more  and  more  high  strung,  more  sharp,  more  wretched  with  stress  that  shouldn’t  be  yours  to  shoulder.  you  are  still  an  intelligent  girl,  still  a  bright  witch,  still  gleaming  with  potential;  but  you  almost  permanently  look  like  you’ve  been  handled  an  impossible  task  and  worse,  you  wear  your  flushed  cheeks  almost  as  your  father  did,  a  fact  that  you  dislike  whenever  you  see  yourself  in  the  mirror.

⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

⠀ ⠀  ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ has  a relatively  tough  exterior,  but  wow,  words  hurt  and  hestia  is  a  lot  more  sensitive  than  she  cares  to  admit.  say  one  off  thing  about  her  and  she’ll  be  all  “i  can’t  stand  it  here!”  and  storm  off  angrily,  but  she’s  really  just  gonna  go  cry  in  the  owlery  and  talk  to  the  owls  as  if  they  can  understand  her  through  her  snot  bubbles.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ is  this  genius  of  a  witch,  right,  but  is  the  messiest  person  ever.  her  area  in  her  dorm  is  just  .  .  .  yeah,  it’s  messy.  she  comes  to  the  library,  throws  seven  books  down,  loses  ten  pages  of  notes;  is  disorganized  and  completely  messy,  but  at  least  she  always  looks  put  together.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ coming  right  off  of  the  last  one,  because  she  cares  most  about  her  image  +  her  reputation  than  she  does  anything  else,  mostly  because  it’s  all  that  she  thinks  she  has.  so,  yeah,  she  may  be  consistently  stressed  out  and  on  the  brink  of  a  breakdown,  but  at  least  she  looks  GOOD.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ her  style  is  a  little   .  .  .  amateur,  if  i’m  being  honest. very  season  one  rachel  berry.  always  looks  in  uniform  even  if  she’s  out  of  uniform  and  it’s  because  she  has  no  personality  than  being  a  ravenclaw  prefect  idk  what  you  want  me  to  tell  you.  she  has  never  been  normal  once.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ i  laugh  and  kid,  but  she’s  genuinely  a  genius.  might  have  a  bit  of  dyslexia,  but  is  just,,,  a  smart  kid.  also  makes  it  her  entire  personality  though,  so  i’m  not  sure  what  to  do  about  that.

 ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ also,  not  to  be  That  Girl  that’s  so  quirk  n  clumsy,  but  hestia  is  always  injured.  not  gravely,  but  a  scrape  on  her  knee,  a  cut  on  her  cheek,  tape  around  her  fingers,  etc.  etc.  she’s  a  problem,  to  say  the  least,  and  always  hastily  takes  care  of  herself  (  aka,  cleans  it,  leaves  it  ).

 ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ in  general,  is  a  hater,  but  is  so  STRESSED  from  having  a  #missing  father  that  she’s  just  like  :|  in  every  situation.  i  wouldn’t  call  her  awkward  per  se,  but  she  definitely  just  says  what  she  wants  when  she  wants  cause  there’s  “no  point  in  quieting  myself  for  someone’s  comfort”  idk?

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ in  MY  canon,  hestia  actually  conjures  up  a  fox  patronus,  but  it’s  non  corporeal  for  now  simply  because  she  literally  cannot  focus  long  enough  to  cast  the  charm  correctly  –  in  fact,  a  lot  of  her  magic  has  been  suffering  for  the  past  few  years  due  to  her  stress,  something  that  really  only  stresses  her  out  more  rip  in  pieces.

⠀ ﹟𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

academic  rival:   personally,  i’d  love  for  someone  who’s  just  naturally  good  at  academia  to  be  her  rival,  like  the  person  who  doesn’t  study  and  “doesn’t  care”  but  always  just  manages  to  beat  her  in  scores;  yeah,  i  think  that’d  be  fun  to  watch  her  spontaneously  combust.

significant  annoyance:  someone  who  really  just  is  the  person  to  tell  hestia  she’s  wound  up  too  tight  all  the  time  and  tries  to  get  her  to  live  her  life,  but  she  just  sees  them  as  someone  who’s  ANNOYING  HER  because  maybe  her  entire  life  is  being  uptight,  ever  think  of  that?  rabastan

quidditch  rival:  because  quidditch  is  really  the  only  time  she  lets  her  hair  down  per  se,  this  rivalry  is  more  friendly  than  it  is  serious like  the  academic  rival,  but  there’s  still  a  lot  of  trash  talk  involved  and  meet  ups  in  the  corridors  to  talk  shit  <3

best  friend:  the  one  person  who  she’s  like  .  .  .  super  grateful  for  because  they’re  always  there,  no  matter  what  she  goes  through  or  does  to  them  through  her  stress  induced  breakdowns.  you  know.  they’re  bffs  and  always  eat  together  and  spend  time  together  n  gossip  together.  eloise

tutee:  someone  that  either  hestia’s  offered  to  help  or  has  been  forced  to  help,  either  way,  she’s  as  strict  as  any  professor  and  takes  her  job  completely  seriously.  as  in,  will  approach  them  in  the  great  hall  and  ask  if  they’ve  done  the  work  they’re  supposed  to  do.

stress  reliever:  imagine  this  -  hestia  comes  up  to  your  muse  and  is  like  we  need  to  talk,  but  they  just  find  a  nice  seat  underneath  one  of  the  archways  and  talk  into  the  night,  they  make  hestia  laugh,  hestia  makes  them  laugh,  they  have  flushed  cheeks  by  the  end  of  it  and  she  doesn’t  speak  to  them  otherwise.  xenophilius 

their  biggest  anti:  ur  muse’s  #1  hater???  hestia  jones  <3  why?  probably  because  they’re  better  than  she  is  and  she’s  a  nightmare  of  a  person  so  it’s  just  her  being  their  biggest  anti,  probably  runs  a  hate  account  dedicated  toward  them  tbh  <3  rodolphus

The  Ex:  you  know.  the  ex.  didn’t  end  the  way  they  wanted  it  to  so  there’s  A  Lot  There.  longing  glances,  awkward  bumps,  lots  of  what-ifs  .  .  .  a  lot  of  sad  headcanons,  a  lot  of  wholesome  headcanons.  yeah

like  family:  just  someone  who  hestia  is  so  comfortable  with  that  it  feels  like  they’re  family.  and  by  family,  i  mean  like  the  kind  to  tackle  her  on  sight  just  for  fun,  the  sort  to  tease  her  and  make  everyone  believe  it’s  her  birthday.  you  know?

also  a  barely  filled  tag  here  n  anything  u  can  possibly  brainstorm  i’d  love  <3  thank  u  love  u 

[thoriffix]

Can you rec some media with canon queer characters 😌

ofc!! thisll by no means be an exhaustive list but idk what youre looking for specifically so ill break it into categories

my current favs!! if u follow me u know these already lol

the umbrella academy: netflix show abt dysfunctional superpowered siblings reuniting to stop the apocalypse. canon mlm character (pansexual according to his actor) w mlm romance, canon wlw character (lesbian according to someone on the show dont rmr who) w het romance in s1, wlw romance in s2 - this is one of my absolute fav shows at the minute in general its brilliant

the magnus archives: horror podcast abt the head archivist of an institute researching experiences w the supernatural. protagonist is canonically biromantic asexual, in a mlm relationship in s5, and there is another canon bisexual character, as well as (iirc) a canon wlw couple - yall know ive been so into tma lately its so so good, obviously if you dont like horror its not for you but if you do.. 👀

sanders sides: youtube series abt a gay dude working out his emotional problems via personified aspects of his personality. all the characters are gay cuz thas what thomas is baby! - i was hesitant abt putting this cuz thomas is a person not a character lol but if u haven't seen sasi i recommend it its like free therapy but theres songs sometimes

shows!

julie and the phantoms (netflix remake): musical show abt a teen girl rediscovering music after her mothers death w the help of three ghosts who were in a 90s band. canon gay character w a slow burn romance (not yet canon bfs but s2 lets go) - its very cheesy and the musical segments can drag on a bit but its p good overall

lucifer: detective show abt lucifer abandoning his rule of hell to buy a nightclub and beginning to solve murders w the lapd. lucifer is canonically bi/pan, as is his demon pal mazikeen, but queerness rly isnt a focus of the show its more casual rep - that being said its a good show overall, if a little predictable now n then (s1-3 on amazon prime, 4+5 on netflix)

kipo and the age of wonderbeasts: fantasy cartoon set in a future filled w mutant intelligent animals, kipo finds herself lost and has to get home w the help of her friends. canon gay character as one of the mains, canon nb side character - its a rly good cartoon! lots of fun, excellent soundtrack, and the main characters are all poc which is rly nice to see

the dragon prince: cartoon abt two princes and an elf assassin returning a dragon egg to its mother. canon mlm couple, several canon wlw characters, canon nb character - i havent seen the show myself but ive heard very good things abt it!

i am not okay with this: netflix show abt a teen girl discovering she has superpowers and hating it. protag is canon wlw (i THINK shes a lesbian but i havent watched it in a hot sec), developing wlw relationship - ianowt slaps! sad that s2 got cancelled but s1 is real good its a touch spooky and theres a bit of gore/blood so watch out lol

schitt's creek: sitcom abt a rich family who lose all their money and have to move into the motel of a town they bought as a joke. canon pansexual character and canon gay character w one of the sweetest mlm relationships - a rly good witty show w excellent character development for every character!

good omens: show abt a demon and an angel trying to stop the end of the world. every celestial character in it is nonbinary, + crowley and aziraphale have a nonexplicit (ie no on screen pda lol) romance - good omens is such a good queer show none of the characters care abt gender in the slightest lmao, plus the show in general is fantastic (the book is also very good)

movies!

the old guard: a group of immortals fight an organisation that wants to capitalise off their immortality. canon mlm couple - another one i havent seen yet (i will!) but apparently very good

it chapter 2: horror sequel to It, w the main characters returning to derry to defeat pennywise for good. canon gay character in unrequited love - i only say chapter 2 because his queerness isnt referenced at all in the first film, again its big horror and theres no gay romance just gay tragedy but its a good film

love, simon: romcom about a closeted gay teen falling in love w someone over emails. do i even need to state the rep? - honestly if u haven't seen love simon yet what are you even DOING its so good proper fluffy queer romcom, the book (simon vs the homosapiens agenda) is also really good!! so is the sequel (leah on the offbeat) where the protag is a bi girl + it focuses on a wlw romance

the way he looks: brazilian coming of age film abt a blind teen boy falling for the new kid at his school. canon mlm relationship - this doesnt seem to be on (british) netflix anymore so idk where youd find it with subtitles but i rmr liking it a lot!

games!

night in the woods: 2d platformer abt a young woman (well. cat) dropping out of college and coming home to live w her parents + discovering spooky happenings in her hometown. canon mlm couple and i believe the protag is canonically bi? - i will recommend nitw to literally anyone who will listen its one of my all time favourite games, deals w a lot of mental health issues and its absolutely gorgeous w a brilliant soundtrack and rly good dialogue thats witty and serious and realistic (its on steam + switch for sure dk abt other platforms, abt 15 quid i think?)

tell me why: adventure game abt twins returning to their childhood home + findin Secrets. canon trans male character - i havent got around to buying + playing this yet but it looks really good! (its in three chapters + on steam, not sure on price)

other media!

the art of being normal: slice of life novel abt a young trans girl discovering herself. main characters are a trans man and a trans woman. - a good novel! trigger warning for transphobic actions including descriptions of a transphobic attack on the guy, and its certainly not without its faults otherwise, but i thought it was pretty good

the adventure zone: dungeons and dragons podcast by the mcelroy brothers. idk specifics but theres a lot of canon queer characters in it! - i havent listened to taz yet but i know a lot abt it, inc that its good and funny and has plenty of queer rep

theres several more i like that arent listed here but to keep this from getting just ridiculously long ill leave it there :] tried to get a range of genres and medias, hopefully theres something for you in there!

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

Free Me (Series)

Characters: Chris Evans x Reader, Henry Cavill x Reader

Prompt: 1. "I never want to hear your name during my life anymore." 2. "Your lips used to be my sanctuary, but now I feel trapped." 3. "Isn't it time we both stopped pretending we make each other happy?"

Summary: Y/N has been noticing how her husband was slowly slipping away, guessing that another woman was illegally involved and included in the marriage she was in. Deciding that what was best for the both of them is to finally let go.

Warnings: Cheating, some cuss words, No smut so you're good to go. 😉, ANGST. (Y/H/T means your hometown! 😊)

Words: 2,430

A/N: PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT AND REBLOG! Thank you, Tater tots! This has a sequel! Just go find it in my masterlist blog located in my blog description. Heehee!

Disclaimer: PNG's used in edits are not mine even the GIF's too. However, the edits and oneshots are definitely from moi.

MY WORKS ARE NOT TO BE POSTED ON ANY OTHER WEBSITES. My official username in Wattpad is “TATATHEPOTATO” and that’s the only other site I have aside from Tumblr. Thank you, Tater tots 

The night sky was more wistful than you thought it would be. Stars were trying to partake in what you were feeling as it wasn't actively twinkling like it used to. That was always your problem, you get caught in the fantasy that you've been dying to live in. Imagining a perfect story without flaws and rabbit holes, with a prince who will stay by your side forever. Dreaming that something lasts forever. That even your love would last forever.

Yet, it didn't.

The clock striked twelve. It was time for Cinderella to come home before it was too late. There she went and ran, leaving a glass slipper behind for her prince to find and return.

The door knob rattled, you began to feel tense, sensing your heart beat in anxiety. Your emotions spinning round and round, only getting to feel two heightened emotions: pain and anger.

You heard the door creak, footsteps can be heard. Hearing the soft taps of his rubber shoes against the tiled floor. It would only take him ten steps before reaching the leaving room where you were sluggishly sitting cross legged.

In 5..4...3...2...........1. Cinderella was finally home at last.

You uncrossed your legs, sipping on your Absinthe, the harsh liquid leaving a fiery trail on your throat, now feeling his presence close as you glared at the man before you. Alas, there he was, standing tall, looking ragged and slovenly. Behold, the man that you once dreamt of and thought who would never break your heart.

Chris gave a smile, but it wasn't as bright as you remembered. He changed, his smile changed, everything changed. Even his heart did.

The glint in your eyes was full of spite, once he began walking towards you. He was going to give you a kiss. A fake kiss that you wanted to spit out, as you began over thinking how he shared saliva with the woman he was just with.

He held a hand on your chin, gently lifting it up as he entirely crouched down, nonchalantly giving you a kiss. A kiss without the love you once had. A kiss that you imagined to be loving and zealous. A kiss that would make you heart jump in utter affection and passion, a kiss that would make your legs weak, but it didn't. It was never the same way as it used to before, and it broke your heart and soul.

"Your lips used to be my sanctuary, but now I feel trapped." Those were the first words that came out of your mouth, his lips left yours with a faded sound. You began to feel your heart beat quicken in rage, feeling the alcohol start to kick in. Giving you the strength to finally burst out your feelings and hidden thoughts.

"That sounded like a line in one of my movies. Where'd you get that, Babe?" He quietly sat beside you, giving you a nervous chuckle before taking your hands in his which you quickly rejected with one hostile push of your hand.

You stood up, the transparent, fragile glass in your hands. Your emotions were starting to bubble up and it was beginning to burst into tears. You love him. You gave him your heart. You gave him everything. Yet, he chose to throw it away. You trusted him. You trusted him to fully give his heart to you. However, you didn't realize Mr. Cinderella left his shoe on his way home, and you didn't know..It wasn't just any shoe. It was already his heart. His heart that was once yours, but was now in the hands of another woman. A woman that was the complete opposite of you. A woman who was sexier, and hotter. A woman he probably ever dreamt of.

A woman who isn't you.

"Isn't it time we both stopped pretending we make each other happy, Chris?" You aggravatingly spoke, biting your lower lip hard in anger. The pain was finally poisoning you alive, and it was time that it did.

"W-What? What are you saying?--" He stood up, daring to even walk close, his face looking so confused, a face that you wanted to slap a million times. His face that could lure you into believing him again with just one snap of his sad puppy eyes, and his beautiful lips that continued speaking words that were full of lies. "--You got to stop, Love. You're already drunk, I know you get emotional when you're drunk--"

"Do you really know me, Chris? Do you? Well, Mr. I-know-everything-about-my-wife..What does my face say right now?"

His baby blue eyes stared downright at you, deeply staring, his eyes turning scared and afraid. "It's the face that I never want to forget. The face that was once full of happiness but is now filled with sadness. A face that--" You cut him off, your eyes turning cloudy as you got the unknown watch from your pockets, your fingers trembling in absolute fury as you harshly pushed the watch on his muscly chest, hard enough to tell that you weren't in your usual state. Hard enough to show him that the woman in front of him wasn't the same anymore. "--A face that isn't hers. A face that isn't the woman you've been secretly dating, flirting and fucking with. This face I have right now? Isn't the face you ever want to see from me!" He grabbed the watch that you furiously pushed, examining it with utmost curiosity before his face fell, like his world fell apart. Pathetic. "That watch. It isn't mine, Chris. It's under our fuckin' bed. We don't have a daughter in this home for God's sake! where would that watch even come from?!" You began shouting hysterically, finally caught up in your inexplainable rage.

You thought you were the princess in your own fairy tale. Turns out you were the knight in shining armor who kept on fighting and protecting the pure love you both had. The love that was now ruined forever because of one unforgivable sin. His infidelity.

"Th-that was my sister's! You know how she loves her watches! I was about to give this back to her but--"

You heavily dropped the glass on your coffee table. Loud enough to startle his dog named 'Dodger' that was currently barking nonstop, however that didn't stop you. "I'M DONE WITH YOUR FUCKIN' LIES, EVANS!" You loudly screamed, glaring up at him with the most wrathful look you could ever give to anyone. Your tears threatening to fall, and one by one it did. They were traitors, just like the man in front of you. He was a traitor of your heart.

"I-I called your sister when I was back in (Y/H/T). That watch isn't the only evidence I have, You weren't being too discreet when you uploaded that fuckin' video of dodger singing because I damn sure heard your ex's voice laughing in the background, you fucking invited her in our damn house!" You sneered, your words coming out like venom. His broad, thewy shoulder fell in surrender. He finally lost because he was caught. The traitor was finally caught red handed.

"You've changed. We've changed. The sweetness turned into coldness, everything's starting to feel fake now.." You frankly said and paused, sniffing loudly. "Wh-what happened to us, Chris? What did I do wrong? Is it me? It has always been me, I know." You mumbled to yourself, tears falling like rain on the newly waxed floor.

Chris began pulling on the strands of his black hair in frustration. Never looking at you in the eye, hesitating to speak or not, "I-I loved you, I still do, (Y/N). I do, I loved you,"  He trailed off, seeming to be in a baffled state, his eyes shamefully having the courage to stare straight back at you. There, you saw him shedding tears, his blue eyes turning reddish from the cries.

"Loved? Funny how one letter can create a whole new meaning to the word," You gave a broken laugh, saying it with bitterness and with a broken heart. "L-Let's fix this, Babe. W-we can fix this.." Chris walked towards you, grabbing your face with his cold, large, calloused hands. His face turning paler as fear washed away the love it once had. He was scared, probably scared to be left alone and abandoned by the wife that promised to be with him by hook or by crook. You were starting to disappear in his life, slowly staring to fade away, you were ready to let him go and that made him scared for the life he decided to create. A life without you, a life without his wife that he shared vows with.

You angrily slapped his hands away, feeling grossed out because you imagined those hands had obviously just been held by his bitch. "We can't fix something that has already been broken. You broke my trust, and most importantly my heart, Christopher!"

He took a few long, fast strides before wrapping you in a desperate tight hug. One tight hug that wasn't impossible for you to breath in, you could sense his body shake from weeping. You could sense the fear that was wrapped inside of him, the fear of loosing you once and for all. "We-we can fix this..I-I can fix you again..W-we can make this work--"

"Don't try and fix me when all you need is to fix yourself!" You seethed, breath starting to come out deeper and more harsh. "I am not the man who cheated here! I wasn't the person who destroyed this marriage! It's all on you! You committed adultery! You remained unfaithful, yet you want to try and fix this?! What makes you think you would never try and do it again?!"

"Because I would never!! I'm never gonna do it again! I'm sorry! I'm s-sorry! Please!" Chris's cold hands caught your wrists, his hot tears falling from his eyes. He began to violently use your feeble hands to hit him. But, you could never. You just can't physically hurt the man that you used to love. "--Just hit me, slap me, kick me, I fucking deserve it, Babe! I deserve--"

"You deserve to fucking feel the pain I felt! You fucking deserve to feel the regret once I leave you for good!"

Chris fell hard on his knees, weeping so hard, hopelessly wrapping his muscly arms around your weak legs. He began begging when he knew you were ready to jump out of the house without any second thought. Appearing to find that begging can be the only way he could have you back. "N-NO! Please! Please, no! Don't leave me! I can make her leave! I'll leave her, (Y/N)! Just, p-please! Don't leave me! I beg you...I beg you...."

You forcefully untangled his arms that was wrapped around your body, but he was trying not to let you go, no matter how easy it is to leave..It was difficult especially having a heart that never wanted to lose hope in this marriage you were in. "Ch-Chris," You choked up in your own tears, hearing him plead in despair made you not want to leave. Nonetheless, your decision was final.

"It's time for you to let me go, Love. It's time for me to go,"

"N-No...I'm never letting you g-go, (Y/N)...N-Never." He cried, and you could hear him whimper. His arms deliberately loosened. How you did it was a complete miracle. But, now..now you were finally free.

"You began to let me go from the moment you secretly dated her behind my back," You stood in front of him, head held high with fresh tears falling from your eyes. Never planning on leaning down to give him his one last kiss because he didn't deserve it after all.

"I never want to hear your name during my life anymore." You whispered to him, "W-we could've been happy, if you just realized my love could fulfill you,"

"--but you didn't realize that, so you decided to become greedy and chose to find a different kind of love from someone else,"

You spun on your heels, turning your back away from him, you heard him cry more. It was louder this time, The realization began to hit him so hard, like a brick thrown on a wall, finally regretting every stupid decision he made. You turned your back away from the future that you thought you would have. A future with Chris. Things have turned the other way around as Chris was now a part of your past, he was once your future, nevertheless because of one sin, everything turned upside down. Turning everything worse for him, but becoming better for you.

The knight was finally free from the armor she was wearing, now she was a vulnerable knight without a job and her armor to protect the love that she thought was still there. A love that wasn't real and true.

You were finally free.

Now, Mr. Cinderella could finally marry the princess he deserved and wished for.

A princess that will never be you.

Follow moi blog and turn on the notification button every time I post updates, Tater tots! If you wanna be included in my taglists, just hit me up with an ask or DM! Or if ya’ wanna be friends, just hit me up! Heehee! 

[alanncs]

hello my loves , it’s dani aka the ari mascot on the main ! if u don’t already know me , i’m 21 , i’m from toronto which puts me in the est tz , & i have a unhealthy obsession w/ mgk 🥰 hehe , that’s me ! let’s b friends pls !! anyway , i’m so so excited to be back in wealthy with all u angels , i seriously missed everyone so much ! okay , so i’m gonna put some info bout my girl alanna under the cut ... i switched her up quite a bit so i’m xcited 2 be bringing her back ! pls give this a like if u wanna plot with me & i’ll come bother u !!  also pls feel free to msg me on discord for anything 🥰 𝒎𝒈𝒌'𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒆 .#1958

new york’s very own alanna d'alessio was spotted on broadway street , with a striking semblance to hailey bieber !  you may know them as @alanna or hitting the front page of tmz as youngest d’alessio heiress alanna caught trashing nyc four seasons hotel room . according to tmz , you just had your twenty - first birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being reticent , but also charming . things that would paint a better picture of you would be the lingering smell of smoke , anything pink  &  gold  jewelry  . ( cisfemale + she/her  ) * vc/career claim : lennon stella .

                   *  /   𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑠 .

full  name  :  alanna  marie  d’alessio  .

age :  twenty  -  one  .

hometown  :  new  york  city  .

zodiac  chart  : scorpio  sun  ,  aquarius  moon  ,  libra  rising  .

character  inspo  :  alyssa (  the  end  of  the  f*cking  world )  ,  marissa  cooper  (  the  o.c )  ,  hanna  marin  ( pretty  little  liars ) .

                  *  /   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚   !!  (  tw  : kidnapping , ransom , drugs , ptsd  )

alanna was born heir to the d'alessio family which came with the billion dollar dynasty that her parents created .

her dad is an italian government official  but they grew up in ny basically bc her dad is an ambassador/representative for italy  &  her mother is a super model who also wanted to raise her kids here having lived here her whole life , and so they did . 

she had everything handed to her on a silver platter and her parents expected nothing but success from her because of how wealthy they were, they knew they would never have to worry about providing for her and her siblings , and so they spoiled her with whatever she asked for and more

but that came with a price, she was expected to do everything they wanted of her, go to an ivy league college, follow in one of her parent’s career footsteps

alanna did just that, she got amazing grades in high school and was head of many student clubs, organized prom, got almost perfect on sat’s and exams, and busted her ass to get into a good college despite the fact that her parents could’ve easily gotten her a spot if she didn’t do as well as she did

her life was going so well, she had the perfect boyfriend, perfect group of friends, was on her way to brown university in a couple of months, her parents and her couldn’t have been in a better spot with their daughter

the last thing they expected was for someone, a stranger, to get their hands on their daughter . 

a week after her 18th birthday , she’s walking to school on a monday morning and before she knows what’s happening , there’s something over her head and she’s being dragged into a van and taken from her life

the one thing that was expected, was the $10 million ransom she was held for

basically her dad had some shady dealings with the italian mob & didn’t pay his debts to them for some time - so they kidnapped alanna in retaliation for that

they kept her for 3 days before her parents were able to work with the authorities to get her returned and pay the people in full

surprisingly, she was returned alive but she had to spend two weeks in the hospital afterwards with injuries

once alanna was returned, she wasn’t the same

she told the police what happened to her , but only barely . she didn’t tell her parents or anyone else about what they did to her when she was gone . she didn’t speak , eat or sleep for two months after she got home

she spent the last few months of her high school in bed, she didn’t attend her graduation, deferred from going to brown in the fall, she didn’t see her friends anymore and she broke up with her boyfriend

the people who took her were never caught & she is still to this day completely terrified of going anywhere alone

she never walks anywhere alone 

it took her months to be able to get back to doing normal things again and being who she was before

to this day ,  alanna still struggles with the memories and the ptsd from what happened to her , but she doesn’t speak to anyone about it and she refuses to bring it up in any scenario

she also has a horrible relationship with her father now , having trouble forgiving him for what happened to her

some people know about it as obviously, being as famous as her family is, it was on the news at the time, and everyone she went to high school with knew what happened so sometimes it can be hard to avoid it ( possible connections ? hehe )

                                        *  /   𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚  !!  (  tw : drugs )

ok here comes the fun part hehe where i changed her up a bit !

alanna’s def still wild ! i’ve decided to tone it up a few notches this time around

so she’s completely intertwined in the nyc party scene , like , you’ll see her at any big club or party every weekend and tbh probably on a wednesday you’ll see her there too

she kinda acts like nicole & paris on the  simple life lmao like she’s always doing dumb shit 

she’s always under some kind of influence whether it be cocaine , weed , alcohol , shrooms , percs , she’s always gotta be on something 

after dropping out of school , she knew she wanted to pursue a career in the industry , growing up she was a child actress &  did some dancing 

she always had a knack for singing & songwriter , got her first guitar at the age of six & just never stopped

it was always like an escape from reality for her , just to have music playing and let her voice go free

so after making some money through instagram modelling & some professional 

she decided to pursue her music career this past year 

her vc is lennon stella cus i just feel like the songs fit alanna perfectly and lennon’s voice is magical so yah

she can be very selfish at times , to a fault . like u can call  her out for treating u like shit and she’s gonna be like , yeah sorry . don’t cry 2 much bout it . she really doesn’t care 

it takes her a LONG time to get close to people , so like if ur  someone she actually cares about and loves , ur gonna know it . and if ur not , ur gonna know that too lo l

she does not hide how she feels about things or ppl , she’ll tell u straight up like

istg this girl prob doesn’t have a filter she just says what pops into her head first

here’s her pinterest board for more of an idea !!!

if u read all this i seriously love u sorry its so long ohp

CONNECTIONS !!!!!!! I WANT . THEM ALL . PLS GIME ALL OF THEM .

i have tons of IDEAS here @alannaisms​  !  so pls look thru that & lemme kno if any would fit with  alanna & ur muse !  heh ok im done ily  guys pls come plot with me <3

[akkermans]

( madelyn cline / cis woman ) PHILIPPA ‘PIP’ AKKERMANS is 22 years old and is a JUNIOR at thales university. SHE is majoring in JOURNALISM and is known for being THE DESPONDENT as SHE can be CURIOUS and INSIGHTFUL as well as SELF-PUNISHING and MOODY. every time i see HER, SHE reminds me of SMOKE RISING FROM A CIGARETTE, THE CRUNCH OF LEAVES UNDERFOOT, INCOHERENT SCRIBBLINGS IN A NOTEBOOK.

hi hello hi i’m hero, i’m 22, she/they and i live in the est tz! i’m a recentish graduate who likes horror, my cat, and a damn fine cup of coffee!! i’m so excited to be here w/ pip!! if u wld like to plot, give this a like or hmu on my discord @ ‘garlic bed #3345′!!

full name: philippa ‘pip’ akkermans 

birthdate: june 24, 1998 

age: 22 

gender: cisgender woman 

pronouns: she/her 

zodiac: cancer 

nationality: dutch-american 

ethnicity: white

hometown: utrecht, the netherlands

languages: dutch, german, english 

family: 

julian akkermans, father 

lotte de vries, stepmother

amelia akkermans, mother (deceased)

sophie akkermans, twin sister (deceased)

orientation: bisexual biromantic 

religion: atheist (formerly catholic) 

height: 5 ft 6 in 

distinguishing features: thin scar from crown of head to right eyebrow, eyes, lips 

character inspo: theo crain, alaska young, shane and ryan from buzzfeed unsolved, camille preaker

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃

TRIGGERS: death, car accident, alcohol and drug use, mental illness (depression, ptsd)

born in utrecht, the netherlands to a dutch father and american mother, pip akkermans’ life has been marked with tragedy since she was born. it seems to follow her. she was born five minutes before her twin sister, sophie, but as the two girls took their first breath, their mother took her last, leaving julian akkermans a single father. 

growing up without a mother, pip and sophie found solace in each other, forming a bond akin to many twins, one so close, so dependent, it was like they were in their own little bubble. sophie was always the bright one, the one who walked into a room and immediately lit it up. pip was always the quieter of the two, her energy more dour, more withdrawn. but together they were a team, causing trouble left and right, getting out of it with sophie’s sweet smile. 

their father was never the same after their mother died, but the coldness that possessed julian was all they’ve ever known. often times he was out of the house, unable to properly step up in the role of father to girls that were the spitting image of his lost love and the sole reason she’s gone. he drank. a lot. but he was never violent, simply sad. 

he starts going out a lot, and eventually, brings home a woman that he says is going to become their step mother. a wedding quickly ensues. there’s a meanness in her, a clear disdain for the twins. but they don’t care, they don’t need to. they have each other. they’ll always have each other. 

they’re fourteen and visiting amsterdam for the weekend when their car is hit head on by another, there’s enough momentum to flip them twice. the driver and pip are fine, minor injuries, but sophie passes away before anyone arrives, her hand in her sister’s as she takes her last breath. 

pip is distraught, and for obvious reasons, she’s lost the better part of herself, even though she promised she wouldn’t go away. if her dad is heartbroken, he doesn’t show it. he simply continues to pull away. eventually sending pip to live with her aunt in america, rhode island to be specific. 

she doesn’t exactly adjust well, not only is she still reeling from the death of her sister, but she’s experiencing intense feelings of detachment and nightmares of sophie every night, among other symptoms. her aunt eventually takes her to a psychologist, where she’s eventually diagnosed with depression and ptsd. 

thus begins her long journey into managing her mental health, her aunt showing a surprising amount of support. she wishes on some level, that she had always grown up with her, that her father sent them away when they were children, maybe she wouldn’t feel so alone. maybe sophie would still be here. 

for the first year in america, she doesn’t quite have friends, because she prefers her usual solitude. but eventually, she finds her group of friends, within her soccer team, her clubs, anything to get her mind off of her old life. 

she tries to be normal, she really does, but she knows something is off– she feels empty, all the time, and her medication makes her feel like a zombie. eventually she falls into a crowd that is prone to partying, drinking, smoking. she’s sneaking out most nights to join them at their spot. 

her senior year, she spins out, has a very public breakdown, that ends up leading to her taking a leave of absence from school, and essentially once again, returning to pariah status. 

she does manage to graduate and get into thales university, by sheer force and extracurriculars, where she begins majoring in journalism, because it’s always been something she’s interested in, having been a part of her school’s newspaper before, well, everything. 

she meets nana in one of their gen eds, and they hit it off immediately. they’re practically inseparable for a few years, until there’s an incident of pip being caught in a compromising position with one of nana’s flings at the time (it wasn’t what it looked like) and before she has a chance to explain, they’re no longer speaking.

 nana goes missing a few weeks afterwards, and the emptiness comes back, feeling guilty as if it was her fault. as if everything that has happened has been a result of knowing pip and her general trail of misery. she was going to apologize, too. she just never got the chance. 

now with the death of steven, her curiosity is piqued, her journalistic instinct triggered by the mystery afoot, and focusing on that means she doesn’t have to think about herself, because by god, she does not want to think about herself. 

TL;DR: pip and her twin sister, sophie, are born in utrecht, the netherlands– their mother dies when they’re born. their father withdraws, eventually remarrying a bitter woman. when pip and sophie are 14, they’re involved in an accident that takes sophie’s life, and leaves pip alone, a bit traumatized. she moves to america to live with her maternal aunt, and goes to high school there, until she essentially has a breakdown her senior year. she meets nana her first year of thales, and they’re inseparable until a misunderstanding a month or two before she disappeared. now with steven’s death, she’s using her journalism skills to investigate it all. 

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

between the melancholy is a very bright girl. she’s always been rather inquisitive and observant, the quieter one of the akkermans twins. as she grows older, learns to live without her sister, learns to live alone, she grows into her own voice. she becomes someone unafraid to speak her mind, simply because she has nothing left to lose. she’s a bit dry, a bit sarcastic, and her humor can border morbid on occasion because she’s gotta laugh or else she’ll cry. she has a bit of trouble sticking her nose in places it shouldn’t be. she’s rather loyal, but it takes a lot for her to trust you– she trusted nana, and look where that got her. that being said, she has long bouts of depression, and detachment, which she’s been trying to manage for years now, but still, in the quiet moments, there’s a feeling the girl is rather– haunted. 

𝐓𝐈𝐃𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒

she has pretty good investigative skills! she works on the newspaper at the school, so she’s kind of all over the place

explores a lot, likes to wander because it clears her head, though it also means she’ll probably enter places she’s not usually allowed (i.e. abandoned buildings, etc.) 

also a soccer player! she’s played soccer for a good amount of her life, except her senior year of high school when she withdrew, she’s debating quitting the team here though 

has a slight dutch accent, it’s noticeable mostly on specific words 

disaster bi….. disaster bisexual…. usually stumbles into relationships and they never last due to her own shortcomings 

can’t drive fr shit never learned how, fr some… obvious reasons, has some anxiety getting 

has a few tattoos! her first and favorite was two butterflies on her wrist for sophie 

has two piercings in each ear, a daith piercing in her right, and a upper cartilege piercing on her left

doesn’t really talk about her sister, however, claims she sees her/feels her sometimes 

a skeptical believer of ghosts and spirits, mostly likes the stories that comes with her 

speaks to her father once every two years, their relationship is nonexistent 

likes to have a beer every so often but doesn’t exactly party, if u do see her at parties she’s prob lounging on a couch chatting with someone who’s name she’ll never remember 

lived on campus for the first two years but this year got her own apartment, has an esa, a two year old scottish fold named noodle 

has an extensive collection of sweaters and cardigans

kind of an old lady……. just learning about tiktok now

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

partner in crime – the ryan to her shane, the trixie to her katya, maybe they’re not the best of friends but they get into a LOT of trouble together

the reason nana and her stopped talking – pretty much nana walked in on a situation and misread it entirely and her drama loving ass cut pip off until her disappearance

friends 

former friends – pip pulls away a lot, she is the undoer in a lot of relationships… or maybe it was your muse…. 

roommates (2-3) – new girl-esque shenanigans to be had!

newspaper coworkers 

soccer teammates 

someone she’s been helping with a case

fwb (f/m/nb) – girl has got needs, and doesn’t always like to be alone so

exes (f/m/nb) – prob broke up because pip’s inability to ever truly connect to other’s… haha! or it could be on good terms, and they’re pals now

crush (f/m/nb) – either way, reciprocated or unreciprocated, but it’s weird and you’re both kinda hot?

people she has Hooked Up w/ and now it’s awkard (f/m/nb) 

rivals, but are we? 

only likes her because her cat – noodle rights, babey!

‘she accidentally stole your coffee order once, but hey, she’s pretty cool’ – prob bought u a new one after she drank a bit of it…. now you see each other around fondly

‘she stuck her nose in your business for the Scoop’

hate-to-love friendship – i want to k*ll you to hey you’re pretty alright but don’t tell anybody i said that

‘you sent her an anonymous tip, but she accidentally figured out it was you’ 

someone who gets her out of her shell – takes her to parties! out with friends! 

anything in my wanted tag!

[freddiesaysalright]

The Most Dramatic Season Ever - Week 5

Summary: It’s your time now! You are ABC’s new Bachelorette and this is your journey! All these men (including our fav BoRhap boys and then some) are competing for your heart! Will you find love? Will you get engaged at the end? Or will you end up heartbroken? Find out, on the most dramatic season ever!

Word Count: 8.3k 

Tag List:  @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @moon-stars-soul​, @danadeacon​, @deacyblues​, @thesundrop​, @cupidben​, @lostlittlenerd​, @delilahmay39​, @timmvrphy​, @queenmylovely​, @loveandbeloved29​, @free-pool-trash​, @fairestkillerqueenofall​, @local-troubled-writer​, @babyalienfairy​, @littlecarowrites​, @allthethingsicant​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @mirkwoodshewolf​, @squishy-gay-astronaut​, @sherlollydramoine​, @butlegendsneverdie​, @dogmom2014​, @rocketrhap917​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: Oh, the drama continues. This chapter is emotional. omg

Warning(s): None!

Night 1  Week 1  Week 2  Week 3  Week 4

Week 5 here we go!!!

“W...what are you doing here?” you stammered, shock keeping you frozen to the spot.

“Can I come in?” he asked. “So we can talk?”

“Yeah, okay,” you agreed, forcing yourself to move at last.

You stepped out of the way and allowed him into your room. You followed him to the couch and he took a seat, but you couldn’t. Now that you were moving, you didn’t want to stop. You began pacing back and forth in front of the coffee table.

“How are you?” he asked.

You stopped in your tracks and faced him. “I’m doing well. What are you doing here?”

“I had to see you,” he said. “I’ve missed you so much and I wanted to tell you before you maybe got swept up in…”

“In what?” you pressed.

“In all this,” he said. “In someone else.”

Jamie Bell was an actor and dancer. While Peter’s season was airing, he had gotten in touch with you via social media. He was in LA, so you went out on a few dates with him. You thought things were going well, and that there was real potential there. But before he returned to England, he broke it off. He didn’t know when he would be coming back to the states, and he didn’t really believe in long distance relationships. A month later, you got the call from Chris Harrison with the offer to be the Bachelorette. Since you still wanted to find your partner, you accepted.

As you looked at Jamie now, those old feelings started to return to you. You were reminded harshly of his charm and all the fun you had together. 

“That’s all you wanted to tell me?” you questioned. “That you missed me?”

Despite the good memories, he had really hurt you. You were skeptical of his being here now.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he said. “Ever since I left.”

“Jamie, that was months ago,” you reminded him. “You had plenty of time to contact me before I started this.”

“I didn’t want to stand in your way,” he said. “You know I’ve only ever wanted for you to be happy.”

You frowned. “No, I don’t think I do. If you really wanted me to be happy, you would have given us a shot when we had one. Instead of running away.”

You wanted to add “like a coward” to the end of that, but you held your tongue. He didn’t deserve any harsh words, really, since he had done the right thing if he wasn’t feeling the relationship. You wanted to hear him out.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said. “But at the time, I really wasn’t sure about us. It took being away from you for me to realize that I’d made a huge mistake.”

You took a deep breath and looked away from him, heart aching. 

“How come you didn’t reach out?” you asked.

“Like I said, I didn’t want to get in the way if doing this was what you really wanted,” he told you. “But I heard you were here in London and I just had to see you. And take my chance.”

He stood up and crossed the room to you. He placed a hands on your arms. You remembered his touch as if it were yesterday.

“You can’t deny that we had something great,” he said. “Maybe it’s still there.”

“What would you have me do?” you demanded, wrenching free of him and stepping back. “Leave all of this behind? I’ve made really strong connections. I’m falling in love, Jamie. You want me to just throw it all away?”

“No, that’s not what I want,” he said. “I want you to give me a chance too.”

You blinked, stunned.

“What, you mean come and join the house?” you asked. “With the other guys?”

He nodded. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

You sighed, turned away, and went to the window, looking out at the city, hoping it would bring you some clarity. You liked Jamie, and you missed him too, but the guys who were here meant so much to you. To bring in another person when you were already getting down to the wire would really throw things off.

“I dunno if that’s a good idea,” you said. “This is almost over. Hometowns are next week. I don’t know if I could do this to them and then meet their families.”

You heard him huff behind you, so you turned around again, looking at him expectantly.

“Shouldn’t you follow your own heart?” he said. “This is about you, isn’t it?”

“It is,” you said. “But I also care about these men, and I don’t want to hurt them. Like I said, I’m falling in love. As great a time as we had, I didn’t get there with you before you left.”

“But we have another chance now,” he insisted. “You just have to say yes.”

“I don’t know if I want to,” you replied.

His hopeful expression broke, shifting into hurt. 

“I’m sorry,” you said. “But I can’t see myself getting there with you now. Not when I’m so far along with these guys. I told them when we started I knew my husband was among them. And that’s still true. I know that one of them is my person.”

He inhaled deeply, absorbing this blow. You hated to hurt him. But you weren’t sure about him, and at this point, you needed to be sure of anyone you were going to keep around. That security was in the seven men you still had. 

“I appreciate you taking a shot,” you said. “But I think you were right back then when you left. We should say goodbye.”

“That’s really how you feel?” he asked.

You met his gaze.

“That’s really how I feel,” you said. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

You went to the door, passing him and allowing him to follow you. He stopped you as you reached for the handle.

“Y/N,” he said.

You looked at him.

“I hope you have a wonderful life.”

You smiled. “Thanks, Jamie. You too.”

He hugged you for a brief moment before leaving. You closed the door behind him, feeling like that door was closing on your heart. When you and Jamie dated, you thought you could fall in love with him. But since you met the men on your season now, you realized that Jamie was not it. It was time to move on. 

First, you had to clarify this to the men.

You grabbed your room key and headed out. It made you nervous to confess something like this to them, but you didn’t want them to leave here and start reading about rumors and then doubt you. It would be better to hear exactly what happened, directly from you.

The men’s suite was one floor above yours. Your hands shook a little as you approached the door. Would they really understand? Would  they now doubt your reasons for coming on this journey? You just had to tell them and find out.

You knocked on the door.

Taron answered and was immediately thrilled to see you. His wide smile made you return with one, and he pulled you in for a hug before stepping aside and letting you walk in.

“What’s brought you here?” he asked sweetly.

“Something I wanted to discuss with all of you,” you said. 

The rest of them were already in the sitting area of the suite. You took a seat on the couch between Rami and Joe.

“What’s up, Y/N?” Joe wondered.

“So, someone was just here,” you said. “Someone from my past.”

They all exchanged worried glances as you took another deep breath. Then you launched into the story. You told them how you met Jamie, the extent of the relationship, how it ended, and what he had asked of you just minutes ago. You watched as their faces went from surprised, to at ease, to shock again.

“I told him no,” you said, and relief took them. “Whatever was between us doesn’t compare to what I have with each of you, and I don’t think that in the time we have left that it could get there. So I sent him away.”

“You didn’t want to let him stay?” Gwilym asked. “Not even a little bit?”

“I’m gonna be honest, part of me did want to say yes,” you said. “But I know what I have here, and how I’m feeling about each of you. It wouldn’t be worth it to bring him on just to send him home at the end of the week. This - what I have with the people in this room - is where the potential is for me. I just wanted to be totally honest with you guys.”

“We appreciate it,” Rami said.

“I also didn’t want gossip magazines or anything like that getting a hold of even a scrap of this and blowing it way out of proportion,” you said. “These are the facts. And I hope you all trust me.”

“Of course we do,” said Ben. “Thanks for doing this.”

“Thank you all for being so understanding and lovely,” you said. “But now, I’ve got to get some sleep. It’s been a long, emotional day, and I’m ready to get to Ireland.”

They all agreed and got up to walk you to the door. You hugged each of them before leaving, a great weight lifted from your heart. You truly had a wonderful group of men here who were kind and genuine. This would ultimately make your decisions going forward more difficult. But for now, it made you happy.

When you landed in Ireland, your heart was beginning to sink. This was a big week. This was the week you would decide who would get hometown dates. You had to decide who’s connections were strong enough to want to meet their families. Three men - men you cared about so dearly - would be going home.

The men were equally anxious. They knew the weight of the week ahead. They also had to decide if they wanted you to meet their families. How strongly were they feeling for you? Could they really see themselves proposing at the end of this?

You were all staying at Ballyseede Castle. The guys had a few rooms to themselves and you had a separate room, on the other side of the building. You had the first date after your arrival there, and you were excited about it. But it was time to make a big decision. This date was make or break. 

The first date card arrived, and Taron went to answer the door. When he returned to the guys, they were silent and waiting.

“Rami,” Taron read. “Will we sink or sail? Love, Y/N.”

“Finally,” Rami sighed, taking the card as Taron handed it to him. “I’m ready for a one on one.”

“Are you ready to take her home to your family?” Joe asked.

Rami nodded. “Yeah...yeah, I am. I’m falling for this girl, and I think bringing her home could solidify it for me.”

“Well, I hope it goes well, then,” Joe said with a smile.

They all wished him luck as he went to get ready.

Rami met you at a small dock on Lough Lane, the largest of the Killarney lakes. You beamed at Rami as he jogged up to you, wrapping you up in his arms and hugging you tight. You couldn’t help but giggle as you saw him and hold on for just a moment longer.

“So,” you said as you separated. “We are going on a little boat tour of Lough Lane today. There are tons of places to see along the shore, which are almost all part of Killarney National Park.”

“Sounds great!” he said.

“Awesome, let’s go!”

You took his hand. Together you walked to the little boat that was reserved for you and climbed in. You were in awe of Ireland and its natural beauty, so this was a great way to see some of it. Your guide was a local who knew most of the history, and he explained it to you and Rami as you rode around. It was a beautiful, sunny spring day. The water was shining like glass and the shore was a deep, lush green. 

You stopped on a small island in the middle of the lake called Innisfallen. There was an old, crumbling building there. The guide told you this was Innisfallen Abbey. You and Rami clasped hands and went to explore it. 

“I love doing stuff like this,” you said. “Seeing some history and all this beauty.”

“Me too,” he agreed. “I’m glad you chose me for this.”

“I’m glad too,” you replied. “I feel really good about us.”

He stepped closer so he could kiss you. You parted, grinning, before walking around some more.

“So, tell me about your family,” you said. “You know getting a rose this week means I’m going to meet them.”

“So you wanna be prepared?” he teased.

“Of course!”

“Well, there’s not much to know, really,” he said. “My parents are incredibly kind people. I’m sure they’ll love you. The trick is impressing my siblings.”

“A sister and a brother, right?” you asked.

“Yep,” he confirmed with a nod. “My sister is older and pretty protective of the both of us. She’s gonna be the tough one.”

“I see,” you said. “Well, I like that she cares about you so much.”

“She really does,” he said. “She’s the best sister in the world, honestly. She was pretty skeptical about this whole thing, but I think once she meets you, she’ll understand.”

“That’s good to hear,” you said. “I love that you’re all so close.”

“You told me that you and your family aren’t,” he said. “Can I ask why?”

You sighed. “Just...they were very conservative and religious. But they’re also really cold people. I felt like I was being controlled, not loved. So when I turned eighteen, I left. We talk every once in a while, but just for holidays and stuff. We don’t really have a relationship at all.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, taking your hand again. “I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

“It’s not easy,” you told him. “For a long time, I felt so alone. Then I met my ex - before Peter, that is - and things got worse.”

“Things got worse with your parents?” 

“Just worse in general, including my parents,” you said. “The years I was with him, we didn’t speak at all.”

He let out a low whistle. “That’s tough.”

A beat passed and then he looked at you.

“You’re really strong, you know that?” he said.

“You think so?” you questioned. 

Your inability to maintain a relationship with your family always made you feel like there was something wrong with you.

“I know so,” he said. “To get away from your family because you know they’re not good for you, to endure what you endured from your ex, and then to still have the faith in love that you have...I’m kinda blown away right now.”

“Thanks, Rami,” you said quietly. “That really means a lot to me.”

He smiled, which made you smile too.

“I didn’t think I could fall any more in love with you, but here I am,” he said.

You beamed and leaned forward to kiss him.

Shortly after, you rode back to the mainland and disembarked. You thanked your guide before leaving the little harbor. Then you both went to prepare for the evening portion of the date.

Rami: I feel really good about our date today. Opening up with Y/N is as easy as breathing. We have a really natural connection. I do want to introduce her to my family and get a feel for how she’ll fit, but I don’t think it’s gonna be a problem. She fits in with me, anyway.

For the evening, you had the restaurant and bar of the Killarney Golf and Fishing Club. It had a spectacular view of the lake, which looked much darker as the sun went down behind it. You and Rami sat down to dinner and you took a sip of wine.

“Today was a lot of fun,” you said. “I love to travel and explore, so I like that we got to see something different.”

“I’m the same way,” he told you. “I had a great time.”

“Where’s your ideal travel spot?” you asked.

“I would really like to go back to Egypt,” he said. “I’ve only been a few times, and I was pretty young, so I felt like I didn’t fully appreciate it.”

“That would be cool,” you said.

“Where would you want to go?” he asked.

“The top of my list was always London,” you said with a small laugh. “So I’m glad we went there! But after that it was always Tokyo.”

“I’ve never been, but I’ve heard it’s amazing,” he said. “Maybe we can go together sometime.”

“I’d love that,” you said. “I’d love to just travel the world with you.”

“Sounds like a dream,” he replied.

You paused for a moment before continuing.

“So, I kind of just want to check in with you since this is such a big week and I could potentially meet your family,” you said. “How are you feeling?”

He took a sip of his drink.

“Honestly, Y/N, I’m feeling good,” he said. “It’s hard to think about you and the other guys, but I feel great about us. We have a great connection. It’s definitely something I want to keep exploring because I’m falling so hard for you. Nothing would make me happier than taking you home to meet my family.”

You smiled.

“I’m feeling great about us, too,” you told him. “From day one, I feel like we’ve had something really unique and special. I want to know more about how you came to be the person you are. I want to meet your family.”

He grinned at you and you giggled back. He had the cutest, most genuine smile you’d seen in a long time. His eyes shone at you. You picked up the rose.

“Rami,” you said, letting his name linger in your mouth a moment because it felt so nice. “Will you accept this rose and take me home?”

He kissed you so enthusiastically, you laughed into his mouth. His answer was certainly clear to you. Your lips moved together deeply, with a tenderness that made you want to melt into a puddle right in your chair. When you parted to breathe, you pinned the rose to his jacket.

“I’m so happy, Y/N,” he said. 

“I’m happy too, Rami,” you replied. “I can’t wait!”

You kissed again, heart soaring. 

To celebrate, you went out to the balcony of the golf club and held each other as you looked out over the lake. As a small fireworks show began, you thought about how stoked you were to meet Rami’s family. To know him on a deeper level. Maybe then, you could really fall in love with him.

Back at the castle, in his room, Allen was looking out over the land pensively. Joe, who was his roommate, took notice and stopped what he was doing.

“Allen, you okay?” Joe asked.

“I think so,” Allen replied. “I dunno...being home is sort of putting a lot in perspective for me.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Joe offered.

“I’m okay,” Allen said. “Thanks, though.”

Joe left it alone, but he quickly became concerned. What did that mean?

Allen: Being home in Ireland has just got me thinking about things on a larger scale. Last time I fell in love this quickly, it ended badly. I’m not sure I am in love with Y/N at this point. And any girl I introduce to my family...I want to be in love with her. I want to be sure that she’s the one. And there’s no way to be sure right now because she’s still the Bachelorette, right? I’ve got a lot to think about right now.

Another date card arrived before Rami got home. Gwilym retrieved it and read it aloud.

“Richard,” he read. “Let’s be king and queen of the castle. Love, Y/N.”

“Alright, I can’t wait!” Richard said, taking the card as Gwilym handed it out to him. “I’m ready for that time with her.”

He looked at the card and wondered what it meant. He wasn’t familiar with Killarney at all, so he assumed there was some bit of history to what you would be doing. Maybe even within the castle you were staying in.

When Rami got home, rose on his chest, the mood shifted in the house. That meant there were only three roses left for hometowns. If Richard got one on his date, the odds were even slimmer for the guys on the group date. It hit them suddenly just how serious this was becoming.

The next day, you met Richard at Ross Castle, a fifteenth century tower fortress that overlooked Lough Leane. It was made of grey stones, which stood out among the green backdrop around it. 

“Hi!” you greeted Richard as he gathered you up in a hug.

“Hello!” he returned, kissing you softly. 

“I’m so glad you’re with me today,” you said. “We’re gonna explore Ross Castle together, so I hope you like history.”

“Sure I do,” he replied.

Taking his hand, you headed inside. It was amazing to see a small building with so much history. 

“So, this castle was built by O’Donoghue Mor,” you said. “Legend has it, he lies in slumber deep beneath Lough Leane, and on the first morning of May, he rises out on his magnificent white horse and circles the lake. If you see him, you’re blessed with good luck for the rest of your life.”

“Spooky,” Richard said. “Does it cancel out any bad luck? Like, say you walked under a ladder or broke a mirror, are you cured?”

You laughed. “I would hope so!”

He smiled at you. “Who needs luck anyway, when I’ve got you?”

“How sweet,” you said with a blush.

As much fun as you were having with Richard, this still felt too new. You didn’t feel like you had progressed much with him. He was falling behind, and you needed more from him if he was going to get the rose from you.

The whole day was light and cheerful, despite your worries. You just knew you would have to talk to him about it that night. The castle was beautiful, the view of the lake was spectacular, and you were enjoying getting to do this with him. 

For the evening, you had a room on the first floor of the castle set up for your dinner date. You walked in together and admired the coziness of it before sitting down at the table. Your stomach turned with nerves as you thought about what you wanted from Richard. What if it was something he wasn’t prepared to give?

“I had a great time today,” he said. “I always have so much fun with you.”

You sighed, setting down your wine glass.

“That’s great, Richard,” you said. “But is that all this is to you? We’re just…having fun together?”

He swallowed, brow furrowing. “Is there something wrong with that?”

That stung. You hated that your reservations were right.

“Yeah, there is,” you said. “This is getting real now. Giving you this rose means I meet your family. I don’t want to do that if you’re not serious about this.”

He took so long to reply you feared for a moment that he wouldn’t. But you needed him to respond to that.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he said. “I really like you. I like where this is going. I’d like to keep seeing you.”

You released a slow, deep breath.

“It has to be more than that at this point,” you said. “We’re beyond exploring the relationship. Where do you see us at the end of this?”

His mouth turned down.

“What are you asking me, Y/N?” he asked. 

“Can you see yourself committing to me?” you pressed. 

“You mean, get down on one knee and propose?” he wondered.

You swallowed thickly.

“Yes,” you said. “Is that where you see this going?”

He heaved a sigh and cut his eyes away from yours. Panic made your heart rate pick up.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he said heavily. “But I can’t see it in the short amount of time we have left.” He looked at you again. “I know myself, and I’m not going to be ready to propose.”

You blinked and a tear slid down your cheek.

“I see,” you whispered. “Then...then I’m afraid I can’t give you this rose.”

Silence hung between you for a long moment, the joy of the day long gone. 

“Can I walk you out?” you asked.

“Sure,” he replied.

You walked in silence to the van waiting for him. You felt a bit numb and confused. You had been feeling so strongly for him, but he wasn’t going to get there with you. It felt a bit like a waste.

“I really am sorry, Y/N,” he said as you came to a stop together.

“It’s alright,” you said. “Better to tell me now than go further into this with different ideas.”

“You’re sure we can’t keep seeing where this goes?” he wondered.

“No,” you said, shaking your head. “I didn’t come here for a boyfriend. I came for a husband. If you can’t get there, then we have to say goodbye.”

“I understand,” he said solemnly. “I wish you every happiness.”

“I wish the same for you,” you returned.

You shocked yourself at how sure you sounded when inside you were falling apart a little. You and Richard had been going strong. It made your heart ache for it to end this way.

“Goodbye, Y/N,” he said.

You hugged him one last time. “Goodbye, Richard.”

Upon parting, your eyes lingered on each other for a moment longer. Because this was your last time together, each of you were not eager for it to end. But at some point it had to. He was the one who finally conceded and opened the car door. You closed it behind him, letting more tears fall down your face.

“This sucks,” he said to the camera as the van started down the road. “I really thought we had something great. I just wish I could get where she wants. But I can’t and I don’t want to rob her of men that can give her that, you know? I’m just going to miss her a lot.”

You wiped your face, but the tears still fell slowly.

“I hate this,” you said to the camera. “I really didn’t want to say goodbye, but...I can’t just keep him if he’s not in the same place. I know I made the right decision.”

You went back to look out over the water. You had gotten clarity from Richard, and you were sure of what you did. That didn’t mean it was easy. 

Back at the house, the guys were lounging around and talking over the possibilities for the group date. That’s when a producer arrived to take Richard’s things.

“No way!” Ben gasped. 

The others shared his sentiment, and expressed their disbelief as well.

Gwilym: I’m shocked that Richard’s going home tonight. They seemed to have a strong connection. Although, he did confess to me that he wasn’t in love with her. Most of the rest of us are, so maybe she just knew it couldn’t get there. That does mean there are still three roses to give out. 

After the producer took Richard’s luggage, there was a knock on the door for a date card. Rami went to get it and opened it.

“Gwilym, Joe, Ben, Allen, and Taron,” he read. “Join me for a long expected party. Love, Y/N.”

“Okay, I really have no idea what that means,” Ben said.

“It could mean anything, really,” Taron agreed. “But a party implies fun.”

Taron: I’m actually quite nervous about this group date. Her sending Richard home on their one on one show how serious this is getting. I mean, when there’s the possibility for her to meet your family, how could it not be? I just hope I’m able to spend a good amount of time with her and show her how badly I want to take her home.

Allen got to his feet, heart pounding. He knew he had to see you before the group date and talk about what he was feeling. He went to his producer and spoke to her about what he needed, and she told him he could go to see you. So, he headed to your room.

You were still recovering from your break up with Richard. As much as you knew it was the right thing, you were hurting. You were journaling about it to organize your feelings when you heard a knock on your door. You set your things aside, got to your feet, and stretched before going to answer it. When you looked through the peephole, you were delighted to see Allen standing there.

“Hey,” you said warmly as you opened the door. 

Your brow furrowed at his anguished expression.

“What’s up?” you asked.

You stepped back to allow him across the threshold. You closed the door and faced him, expression just as questioning.

“How are you?” he asked. “I know today probably wasn’t easy. Saying goodbye and all.”

You sighed. “You’re right, it wasn’t wasn’t. I’m still working through it, but I’ll be okay. I’ve got other great relationships I can focus on.”

You tried to smile, but the look on his face made you falter. 

“What’s going on?” you asked. “What did you need to see me about?”

“I needed to talk to you before going on the group date tomorrow,” he said. “I’m not sure how I’m feeling.”

You blinked. “Um...what do you mean?”

“Since coming to Ireland, I’ve been really reflecting on my feelings,” he said. “You know my history so you know I’ve really got to feel something - and be sure of it - before committing again.”

“I understand,” you said. “Are you...are you not feeling something for me?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “That’s just it...I’m not sure. I like you - I like you a lot - but I hear the way the other guys talk about you, and I’m not sure I’m there.”

Richard’s exit already felt like one blow. Now, it felt like Allen had knocked you off your feet. You sat down on the couch to feel steady.

“You haven’t said you were falling in love with me or anything,” you said. “And I understood your hesitation. But you’ve continued through this with me. What’s changed?”

“Being home has reminded me of my last relationship,” he said. “And it’s making me realize how serious this is for you and for everyone else. And I don’t feel what I should be feeling by now.”

You felt more tears welling up. God, you were sick of crying already. Two men you felt had such strong connections had both admitted they were not in love with you. Doubt crept into your heart. Were you more sure than the men? Were you mistaken in your feelings?

“So what are you saying?” you sniffled. “You want to leave?”

“I do,” he said. “I’m sorry. But you’ve always said you want us to be honest. This is my truth.”

You took a deep breath and swallowed. “Well, I gotta say, Allen, I’m really blindsided right now.” 

Richard, you sort of expected. He was reserved and you could feel that he wasn’t in this. But Allen...this had taken you completely off guard.

“I thought we had something really great,” you went on. You leaned forward, elbows on your thighs, and head in your hands. “Now I’m questioning everything.”

“I don’t want you to question everything,” he said, taking your hands to make you look at him. “This is just me.”

“It’s not, though, Richard had the same problem. He wasn’t in love with me and he couldn’t see himself getting there,” you argued. “Is every man here just pretending?”

“I take a bit of offense to that,” he said. “I haven’t faked anything. My effort in getting to know you has been absolutely genuine. The other guys are as well. Those guys are falling in love with you so hard their heads are spinning.”

You tried to smile, but couldn’t. You had taken too many hits today. He sat down beside you.

“I’m sorry you feel the way you do,” you said. “Because I was really falling in love with you.”

“I’m sorry too, darlin’,” he replied. “But it’s for the best.”

With that, he pulled you into a hug. You wept quietly into him for a few moments, remembering all your great times and wonderful conversations. When he pulled away, he wiped your face with his thumbs.

“You’re a helluva woman,” he said. “One of those men is going to be a wonderful husband to you.”

“Thanks, Allen,” you replied quietly.

You got up together and you walked him to the door.

“I guess this is goodbye,” you said.

“It is,” he returned. “But I hope it’s not forever.”

Now, you did smile. “Not, not forever.”

You embraced again. He gave you a little squeeze, and then he left. As the door clicked shut, you felt more tears fall. You wiped them away.

Allen got into the car that was waiting for him outside. He looked into the camera.

“I know I’ve done the right thing,” he said. “I had to leave. I didn’t want to take time from the other guys who really do love her, it wouldn’t be fair. She’s following her heart, and I’m following mine.”

In your room, you looked at the camera.

“I just feel like all I’ve done this week is say goodbye,” you said. “I said goodbye to Jamie, then to Richard, and now Allen too...it just sucks.”

You went to bed anxious. Who else was going to shock you? Hurt you? Leave you?

The next day, you were still off from your day of goodbyes. You wanted to rally for the men you were going to see today, but you couldn’t be sure you would totally recover. But you didn’t want to be unfair to them. So, you put on your makeup and donned a happy face.

You met them at a bar/cafe in Killarney called The Shire. It was based on the famous home for Hobbits in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, a favorite series of yours. When you walked inside, your mouth dropped. It really was something straight out of Middle Earth.

The guys, without Allen, showed up a few minutes after you. You looked at the four of them and your hurt began to erode. Allen was right. These four - and Rami too - were where you were going to find your husband.

“Hi!” you greeted. “Welcome to The Shire!”

They smiled, looking around to take everything in. 

“We’re a little early,” you said. “But there’s a party here today, and we’re all invited. So, I hope you’re ready for a great time!”

 The party was for a local woman who was turning one hundred and eleven. She loved Tolkien, so her family and friends were throwing her a birthday party based on Bilbo Baggins’s one hundred and eleventh birthday. As they started arriving, things picked up, and before you knew it, the party was in full swing.

It was everything a party needed. Snacks provided by the cafe, drinks provided by the bar, incredibly friendly Irish hosts, and a live band. You spend most of the time dancing. You danced with each man you had there, and they were all different. Taron had the most energy, leading you all over the floor. Joe was the silliest, making you laugh more than dance. Ben was shyer, but you got him to open up. Gwilym was poised, but still fun, and surprisingly great at moving his body.

You and the guys got to speak to the woman, whose name was Katie, during a moment of quiet. She was remarkably aware. She hadn’t lost a step, mentally.

“So, Katie,” you said. “What’s the secret to living to one hundred and eleven?”

“I’ll tell you, dear,” she replied. “It’s to stay away from men!”

You giggled together and she patted your hand.

“I’ve already gone off the path, then, I’ve got four of them!” you cried, pointing to them standing behind you.

“Darling, I don’t know how you’re even standing up!” she returned. “Especially, handsome as they are. You’d make better use of the time you’ve got lying down.”

You all burst out laughing and you gave her hand a squeeze. Laughing and dancing and spending this time reminded you of why you started this journey. You were falling in love. There was always hope. You knew exactly what you wanted out of this and you had faith it would come to you.

You had fun all day. The evening portion of the date was being held at The Shire as well, only now you had it all to yourselves. You were excited to talk to these men and see how they were feeling going into hometowns.

You met them once again at the bar, and you made a toast. Then, Gwilym pulled you aside first. You beamed at him as you went into the cafe together to sit and talk.

“How are you?” you asked. 

“Very well,” he said. “I’m content with where we are, and ready to keep growing with you.”

“Are you ready to take me to meet your family?” you wondered.

“Oh, absolutely,” he said. “I think it would go exceedingly well, and you would fit right in.”

“The way I did in your library?” you teased.

“Yes, cariad,” he said. “Exactly like that.”

You kissed him. Then you asked him about his family. From his descriptions, it sounded like they were similar to himself - bookish, smart, and very kind. You definitely had something to look forward to if Gwilym got a rose.

Ben pulled you next. Just being around him made you giddy. Ben was so sweet, and you didn’t think you could ever get enough of him. As you took a seat together on a bench, he pulled your legs onto his lap.

“How are you feeling, love?” he asked. “I know this hasn’t been an easy week for you.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” you said. “Between Jamie, Richard, and then Allen, I started feeling like all I was doing was saying goodbye. I really started questioning things.”

“Even though you had given Rami a rose?” he questioned.

“Yeah,” you admitted. “After my date with Rami, I felt like everything was fine, in spite of Jamie showing up and having to make that decision. Then Richard’s date went south, and on the same night, Allen told me he wasn’t in love with me either. I got so scared that maybe this wouldn’t actually work. Maybe it’s not enough time to fall in love and…” you trailed off.

“I’m sorry you went through all that,” Ben said, rubbing his warm palm over your knee comfortingly. “I can’t speak for everyone, but I know that I’m still falling in love with you. I am falling in love with you every single day.” 

“I’m falling in love with you too, Ben,” you assured him. Now that you had said it once, you wanted to keep telling him. And you were mostly sure about Ben’s feelings.

He kissed you.

“There’s no way you won’t find love here,” he said after. “You already have.”

You smiled and cupped his cheek. “You’re so wonderful.”

You kissed for a little longer.

After Ben, Joe came to get you. You looked forward to seeing Joe all the time. He was such a rock for you throughout all of this. And now, after your spirits were low, you felt that need to be near him again.

“Hey, baby,” he said lowly as he pulled you into a hug and kissed your forehead. “How’s it going?”

“It’s better now,” you whispered. “I’ve missed you.”

This was true. You actively missed Joe when he wasn’t around. Probably because you already felt so close to him.

“I’ve missed you too,” he replied. “I can’t wait for this part of it to be over. I really want you to meet my family.”

“Really?” you questioned.

“Really,” he told you. “I mean, they’ll love you. You’ll be more popular than I am.”

You giggled. “I dunno about that, but that definitely makes me excited. Who would I be meeting?”

“My mom, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, and probably my grandparents as well,” he said. “We’re a big group, and if there’s any reason we can all be together, we take that opportunity. Especially since my dad passed.”

“That makes sense,” you said. “I’d be so honored to meet the Mazzellos. I want to see the people who helped shape you into...well, one of the most incredible men I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet.”

He smiled. “You’re so sweet, Y/N.”

You chatted for a little longer, with lots of kissing in between. 

Finally, Taron got to talk to you. He gave you a huge hug before sitting in a booth beside you. 

“I’m so happy to be here with you tonight,” he said. “You’ve been on my mind a lot.”

“I have?” you returned. “In what way?”

“Not anything gross, I promise,” he joked. “But I’ve just been thinking about the chance of you meeting my family and the more I pictured it, the happier I got.”

“That’s so sweet, Taron!” you replied, kissing his cheek.

“That’s not all, though,” he said. “I also thought about what I would tell them when they inevitably asked questions about us. The only thing I could think of was that...well, I love you, Y/N. It’s beyond falling at this point. I’m there. One hundred percent. I love you.”

“Oh!” you gasped. “Oh, Taron, that’s - wow. That’s lovely. Thank you for telling me.”

He smiled and took your hand.

“I just wanted to lay everything out there,” he said. “To let you know where my heart is. It’s with you.”

You returned his grin and leaned over to kiss him again. You felt how deeply he meant those words in this kiss. But, it frightened you a little bit. You had to consider now how you felt about Taron, because you weren’t completely in love with him. You could see it happening for you. But was that enough at this point?

When you parted, you returned to the other guys to hand out the rose. It was waiting for you on a table. You had already decided who you wanted to get it.

“I wanna give this rose to someone who just...made me feel really good tonight,” you said. “Especially after everything that’s happened this week. So...Ben, will you accept this rose?” 

“Of course I will,” he replied, standing up to receive it.

After pinning it to his jacket, you kissed each other on the cheek. Then it was time to say goodnight. You had a rose ceremony to prepare for the following evening. At this point in the journey, there were no more cocktail parties.

Ben: I’m stoked I got the rose. I can’t wait to bring Y/N to my hometown and introduce her to my friends and family. I think that it’ll really bring us closer and I’ll be able to tell her that I am in love with her. 

The rose ceremony was held in a private room off the lobby of Ballyseede Castle the following night. The men were waiting for you when you walked in. You took a deep breath, more nervous now than before any previous rose ceremony. You knew what you had to do, but  you were dreading it. This was the most difficult decision you had made so far. 

“Hi guys,” you said, your voice shaking. 

They all said hello back to you. 

“This is the most difficult rose ceremony to date,” you said. “This was an incredibly hard choice, but with families on the line, I knew I had to be careful and go with where I feel the strongest connections. I hope you understand.”

With that, you picked up the first rose. There were only two.

“Joe,” you said. 

You saw him release a breath before approaching you. 

“Joe, will you accept this rose?”

“Absolutely.”

You pinned it on him. As he walked back, you picked up the second rose with trembling hands. Both Gwilym and Taron were looking desperately at you. You were going to crush one of them. 

Chris Harrison emerged. 

“Gentlemen, Y/N,” he said. “This is the final rose tonight. Y/N, when you’re ready.”

You nodded. You weren’t really ready. How you were going to say this goodbye was beyond you. You would be crushed too. You already felt a lump forming in your throat.

“Gwilym,” you said.

Gwilym had the same reaction as Joe as he walked up. You couldn’t look at Taron. You didn’t want to see his face and witness how you’d hurt him. Especially after he told you he was in love with you. 

“Gwilym, will you accept this rose?” you asked softly.

“I will,” he replied.

Hands still shaking, you pinned it to his jacket. 

“Taron, I’m sorry,” Chris said. “Take a moment, say your goodbyes.”

Taron was already being embraced by Joe and Ben at the same time. Rami followed after and kissed Taron’s cheek. Gwilym hugged him. You heard them whisper words of comfort to him, but you couldn’t make out what they said. You kept your eyes fixed on the floor. You couldn’t see him yet. 

Finally, you heard his footsteps coming toward you and you looked up. Your heart broke inside your chest at his expression. He was shocked and hurt, and there were already tears in his eyes. Just as there were in yours. 

“Can I walk you out?” you whispered. 

“Yeah,” he said numbly. 

You walked with him out to the lobby and through the front door, where a car was waiting for him. But before you led him to it, you pulled him aside and stopped. 

“I’m so sorry,” you choked out. 

“I…” he trailed off and cleared his throat. “I dunno what to even say right now.”

“I know,” you replied. “But yesterday when you told me you love me, I just realized that I wasn’t in the same place. My connections with the others are just further along and stronger, and I have to follow that.”

“I understand,” he said with a sniffle, and he wiped away a tear that had started down his cheek. 

“I care for you so deeply, Taron,” you said, sobbing as you spoke his name. “You’re such a special person, and you deserve someone who can give back to you everything you offer.”

Tears were streaming down both your faces now. 

“I’m just so sorry I can’t give that to you,” you continued. 

He pulled you into his arms. You remembered vividly that day at Disney, and all the times he held you. How you felt about him in that moment. It made you ache. You stood with him for several moments, just weeping together. 

“I’m sorry too,” Taron said. “I was hoping...I really wanted to be your husband, Y/N.”

“I’m sorry,” you cried. “You were so brave to come here and risk your heart. I hate that I’m the one breaking it.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “You’re doing what you need to. And I just want you to be happy, Y/N. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

You sobbed harder, clutching a handful of his shirt. You weren’t quite ready to let him go. Even though you were sure of your decision. Even though he told you not to be, you told him again how sorry you were. There was nothing else to say. 

Taron had the strength to finally part and start heading toward the car. You still cried as you went with him. He stopped at the door and kissed your forehead. 

“So much luck,” he said gently, his voice gravelly. 

“You too,” you replied. “Goodbye, Taron.”

“Goodbye, Y/N.”

He opened the door and slid into the backseat. You closed it behind him and watched him go, carried away from you forever. You looked on until the tail lights were no longer visible in the night. You were gutted. 

Taron, inside the car, looked at the camera. Once he was no longer in front of you, he completely broke down. Sobs racked his body. His shoulders shook. 

“I just can’t believe this,” he croaked when he had calmed down. “I was really in love with her - I am still. I just didn’t think it would end this way. I really...I really thought it would be me and her at the end of this.”

He wiped his eyes some more. He couldn’t look back now. All dreams of you had to be put aside. He just hoped he would be able to feel again what he felt for you. 

Once Taron was gone, you shivered. Alone and sad, you returned to the remaining men. You noticed they were all pretty bummed too. Taron was well-loved, not just by you, but by them as well. Even though it bettered their odds for your heart, it was hard to see him go. 

“Thank you all for being so patient,” you said. “That was really difficult for me and the decisions only get harder from here.”

A beat passed and you took a breath. 

“That being said, I really am excited to meet your families and see where we can go from here,” you said. 

You raised a glass, which Chris had given to you upon your return. 

“To hometowns!” you cheered. 

“Hometowns!” they echoed.

[softestsaddestbitch]

December TC Challenge

stole this from @elder-edda (sorry for creeping! just, given the usual demographic of the tc community I was excited to find another 20-smthg)

1) what color is your tc’s hair?

He has just, simple brown hair but he’s starting to go grey which, no lie, is 100% doing it for me.

2) is your tc married?

Yes? He doesn’t wear a ring and I believe she kept her last name which makes me think it’s more of a civil partnership since they’ve been together since the early 2000s at least. But he also will refer to her as “my wife” and was telling me once that they waited until “after they got married” before moving in together.

3) if yes, do you care? would you do something with them regardless of their marriage?

I know these questions are general but I do take offense at the idea of being a homewrecker/other woman. I’ve met his wife, she’s really nice.

4) what’s your worst memory with your tc?

I put my foot in my mouth SO OFTEN. Good lord. Especially my last semester at that school? He was acting weird and I had just realized after fucking ... four years?? that I romantically liked him. So I kept bringing up my weird age fixation and other bs bc I have adhd and am possibly autistic?? and can’t read a room to save my life.

5) what’s your best memory with your tc?

One year we had a really bad snowstorm, so bad in fact that I had my first-ever snow day. The college that I used to go to has four campuses across as many cities, and C has to drive in twice a week to my (old) town from his. Now, morning classes had been canceled but afternoon classes had been given the go-ahead. C, who does not check his emails until he arrives at campus, evidently did not get this message until he was already in town and therefore didn’t have a morning class, but did have an afternoon class. On this day I had a late morning class that had been reinstated, but my prof didn’t get that memo so I also was on campus but didn’t have a class. So I went to visit his office, which I had been doing throughout the semester (I didn’t have a class with him at the time) and we just ... hung out for like 2 hours. It was so nice and one of the anecdotes he told me still haunts me lol.

sidenote: at the time, I hadn’t yet realized that I liked him, but I still went out of my way to visit him. Damn I was a dumbass.

6) does anyone in your school know how you feel?

ish? I told a classmate but in a “haha joking” kinda way. And a friend who went to that school knows. No one at my current school knows.

7) does your tc know how you feel?

I think he might? might have a lil inkling which would explain why he started acting so weird my last semester. Or at the very least was told/realized how bad it could look that he was getting so chummy w/ a student.

8) do you think there’s any chance your tc reciprocates your feelings?

He and his wife have been together for around 20 years now. No. No, I don’t think so. Maybe in an alternate universe.

9) are you getting your tc a christmas present? if so, what is it?

I have in the past! Specifically like, a tin of cookies lol. I’ve also given him an actual present when I left. I do intend to send him a Christmas card every year but not this year because ... you know ... the apocalypse.

10) have you ever flirted with your tc?

Flirtation inherently has intent. So, no. How he interpreted our interactions I don’t know.

11) how long have you had a crush on them? what began it all?

SO! TIMELINE!

I was at my old school from September 2014-April 2019, I had C for the first time in September 2015. Like I mentioned above, I did not realize I had a crush on him until literally the middle of my final exam of my class with him December 2018, so I’ve only consciously had a crush for about two years now. However, as I also mentioned, I went out of my way to stop by his office, even when I didn’t have a class with him. And my relationship with/feelings towards him are complicated so I’m not going to say I did so solely because I like him, but I would put it maybe closer to somewhere in 2017. You don’t plan your schedule around someone you don’t feel strong feelings for.

12) do you believe you’ll get over them shortly after you stop taking their class/have the chance to spend time with them?

As of today, it has been been exactly a year and a half since I last him in person. In the time since, I have cried over missing him, routinely gone back to keep up with his current research projects, and made his picture a part of my home screen. I almost exclusively listen to the playlist I made for him -  so much so my Spotify Wrapped is pretty much that playlist with a few extras.

13) what kind of grades do you get in their class?

Haaaaaa pre-supension I was failing his classes. My first semester back I got .... a mid/high 70? and I finished my last class with him with an A+ and the essay I had written for his class had the highest grade between the two classes so..

14) does your tc ever do any tiny, little things that you adore?

When he puts a hand in his pocket and leans against the wall. When he tucks his hair behind his ear because he keeps falling in his face (he has long hair, a little past his shoulders). When he can’t stop himself from googling something even if its in the middle of class. How you can ask him anything at any time. The way he would chuckle at my jokes. How his handwriting hasn’t improved in decades. How easily he brushes off toxic masculinity. His candidness and willingness to share little anecdotes. The way he used to always smile whenever he saw me. That he goes home everyday to have lunch with his wife.

15) are you their favorite student?

I was! And it was obvious to other students that we had a friendly, casual relationship too. For a time, if his other students had questions about him they would ask me, and I usually had the answer. I didn’t matter in the long run, but I was. 

16) do you two share any tastes? movies, books, music, etc.

He’s a legal historian, I’m a baby legal/political historian. We also like the same historical cooking youtube channel.

17) is your teacher religious?

I doubt he would say he’s religious, but I feel like we have a similar relationship to religion which is to say no formal association, but had profound effects on our childhoods and subsequently, presumably, how we view things as adults.

18) do you masturbate to them?

Yes.

19) do you communicate with them outside of school?

I sent him a meme once. And asked about the socialist uprising scandal he was apart of. I also almost emailed him while at a museum exhibition with my history friend. These are all through email.

20) do you have any tc songs or songs you relate to your tc? what are they?

SO my number one song this year was “You are the Reason” by Calum Scott because, you guessed it, of him. But also:

I Lost a Friend - Finneas When You’re Ready - Shawn Mendes You Are in Love - Taylor Swift Break My Heart Right - James

& given the season, especially w/ what transpired last year, Last Christmas by Wham!

21) what’s your favorite thing your tc has said/memory you have with them?

One time he kinda trailed off in the middle of lecture after stating that he thought of xyz a particular way which contrasted one of the popular schools of thought, and the way he plainly said, “well, yeah, which I guess ... is I’m arguing it” almost like he was semi-surprised with himself has always stuck with me. 

But also, in addition the memory I shared earlier, we spent an hour and a half talking about grad school and what to expect and how to get there. 

22) do you plan to continue a relationship with them after you leave school?

I trid, I really did. But he doesn’t “socialize with students part or present” so I can’t exactly see him. But I did get some academic-related from him at the beginning of the year.

23) how will you deal during the summer? will you see him/her?

He’s a hermit who used my last vacation before I moved to go on all the vacations he had to postpone because he was working on his last book. And this past summer ... Covid. This question is obviously directed at high school students, but in general, he lives in the back of head always, and when I’m in my hometown for the summer my heart aches because theres a none-zero chance I’ll see him, but I know I won’t.

24) does your tc support gay rights?

Yes. He’s never been put in a position that I know of where he had to outright condemn homophobia, but in one of his classes, he actively made the choice to make the very first reading of the semester about how women in ancient times had more agency than assumed, and also how the woman in the case study was a lesbian.

25) what class do you have with them? And what period? Do you have them every day?

History classes. I won’t get into specifics because it’s kind of an eclectic mix and I’m paranoid someone from the area could come across this. But I had him twice a week every semester that I had him. Again this kind of question is more so applicable to high school students, not so much university students.

26) have you ever drifted out during a lecture thinking about them and missed information?

No. In his classes he is too enthralling, and I’m a good student otherwise.

27) have you stalked them online? what did you find out?

In theory. He’s a fifty-year-old history professor whose reaction to a description of the big lipped/tiny face filter on snapchat was “that sounds disgusting.” The man doesn’t have social media, and if he does those privacy settings are on so students can’t find him he thinks he’s very professional. I do visit his mini-bio section on the college website fairly often tho.

28) have you ever run into them outside of schools? what happened?

I did once. He introduced me to his wife, who said “oh you’re E! C has talked about you” and it apparently he had done so positively, and blew my mind because this was back when I was failing classes and also, as a person, I don’t believe that people think about me when I’m not there. They gave me a restaurant recommendation and afterwards his wife surprised me a they were leaving the restaurant because ... we had listened to them, and they also went there for lunch that day.

29) has your tc ever spoken of teacher-student relationships? what did they say?

It had recently come out that it had been found out that another professor had been in a relationship with a student and he’s the one that brought it up before class one day (with all of us not just me). He didn’t say anything for or against it, just that it was generally discouraged, but that most schools did have policies in place to handle the situation.

30) do you regret telling anyone about your tc? if you’ve kept it a secret, why have you done so?

Absolutely not. I can’t tell my best friends because they’d do nothing but give me shit for it and it would call every time I mention him into question. But the friends that I have told ... its been so freeing, and like a weight has been lifted from my heart. One friend in particular I unloaded on her all my emotional shit pertaining to him this past summer and she was so understanding it legit since then I’ve been less distraught when thinking about him. It still hurts, but it feels less like I’m suffocating now.

[marvel-mega]

Are you death or paradise?

(Ron Weasley x Reader)

A/N: apparently im feeling HORRIBLY angsty tonight so here is this heartbreaking fic with my absolute favorite billie eilish song “No time to die”. For reference (Y/H) =your (Hogwarts) house and (Y/H/T)= your hometown for my fellow united state inhabitants..? Well I hope you enjoy this is my first Harry Potter fit but I am hopelessly in love with Ron Weasley <3 so expect more??

word count: 1.8k 

warnings: sadness but also badass reader and Hermoine being the bad guy sorry... not sorry 

*I don't own this gif credit to the owner!*

I should've known

I'd leave alone

Just goes to show

That the blood you bleed 

Is just the blood you owe

To say you felt defeated was an understatement. 

No defeated isn't the right word you felt foolish, played, dumb, and most of all hurt. 

You knew there was something between Ron and Hermoine but you turned a blind eye. 

Why wouldn't you? You loved Ron more than anything 

You wanted to believe him when he said Hermoine was barely a friend.

"Honestly love we just tolerate each other for Harrys' sake." 

We were a pair

But I saw you there

Too much to bear

You were my life

But life is far away from fair

Yet here you were walking into the Gryffindor common room and there they were 

Kissing.

No, that wasn't enough

how can you describe a kiss that looks like its been waiting for years to be felt, 

a kiss that looked like it was oxygen for both people,

a kiss that was full of passion. 

Harry was behind you waiting to enter when he almost crashed behind you and was about to ask you what happened when you turned quickly and looked at him red-rimmed eyes and motioned with a single finger for him to not make a sound as you left the common room. 

Was I stupid to love you?

Was I reckless to help?

Was it obvious to everybody else

That I'd fallen for a lie?

You were never on my side

Fool me once, fool me twice

Are you death or paradise?

Now you'll never see me cry

Looking back you remember telling yourself that you didn't let him see you cry because he didn't deserve to see you so vulnerable.

But in all honesty, you didn't want him to see you cry so you would never have to mention this incident.

You were willing to turn a blind eye to his infidelity because you loved him so much. 

Who had you let yourself become?

You knew it was going to come up eventually especially if the two of them wanted to carry on with their new relationship who were you to jeopardize that? 

There's just no time to die

I let it burn

You're no longer my concern

Faces from my past return

Another lesson yet to learn

That I'd fallen for a lie

You were never on my side

"How could I have let him fool me ?" You asked aloud to Cho. 

Neither of you spoke very often considering you being in (Y/H) and her being in Ravenclaw. 

But she saw you crying in the corridor 

and girls help girls in need when boys break their hearts.

The two of you were sitting on the stairs leading to the grand hall. 

You couldn't help but think back to a happier time when you had finally gotten the courage to ask Ron to the yule ball. 

But he watched her the whole night, you were blind 

And everyone else saw what you chose to ignore. 

"I knew there was something between them and I still thought I was better, somehow different

I still thought he could love me, not her." 

"Hey, this is not your fault. He is a coward and a complete idiot if he can't see how perfect you are." Cho explained as gently as she could but she couldn't hide her anger for the red-headed git. 

"I appreciate that Cho. I'm starting to think this school is cursed," you laughed lightly. 

You were from the United States specifically (Y/H/T). It was your decision whether to go to Hogwarts or Ilvermorny and foolishly you choose to go to Hogwarts and were currently living with a distant relative of your mothers'. 

"What if I just went to Ilvermorny back home?" 

Cho looked completely aghast. "You mean you'd leave?" 

"I don't see why not it's our last year sure but I was planning on moving back home after graduation anyways. This makes it easier to make connections and find a job back home don't you think?" 

Cho didn't know what to think. Yes, Ron hurt you but enough to make you want to completely leave your professors, your friends, and more importantly him? 

"You would leave without saying goodbye?" Cho said sadly. 

"Nothing is for certain. But I'll send an owl to my parents. They've been trying to convince me to come home for a while maybe they were right." 

Fool me once, fool me twice

Are you death or paradise?

Now you'll never see me cry

There's just no time to die

The days after the incident, 

you referred to it like this because it made it easier to talk about like it was a car crash or an explosion, not a red-headed goofball you carelessly trusted,

you held your head high through the halls. 

'You will not let him see you fall' you told yourself. You were reckless to put your heart on the line like that for him. But what's that saying 'Only fools fall in love' well it couldn't be truer. 

Some days were easier than others you had spoken to the head of your house and made up an elaborate sudden illness that would sometimes make it impossible to go to class. 

So that covered your classes. 

But Ron...

You never spoke to him. 

It was easier this way. 

Made ripping the bandage off easier. 

You went up to the three of them in the courtyard ignoring how Rons' eyes lit up when he saw you coming towards them. 

You turned to Hermoine she looked beyond frightened at your cold and calculated stare. 

"I was hoping I could have my ancient runes textbook back Miss Granger? I let you borrow it last week"

Hermoine was confused not about the incident Harry had given the two of them an earful when you left the common room. 

As far as Hermoine knew you weren't taking ancient runes anymore. 

"Are you going to be taking the course again?" She asked politely hoping this met you'd put the whole thing behind you. As if it wasn't a big deal. 

You bit your tongue to refrain from saying "like it's any of your business Granger".

"I am. At Ilvermorny, next term. So if you could just leave it in the (Y/H) common room the password is 'paradise falls' I'd appreciate it." 

You were feeling very grateful at your ability to remain completely stoic to their gaping mouths at the news that you were transferring. 

You glanced over in Harrys' direction. 

He was one of the few people that made leaving Hogwarts more difficult. 

"Ilvermorny?" He spoke almost as if the word was an insult. 

"The wizarding school in America." You replied. 

Barely above a whisper, you heard Ron stutter, "W-Why?" 

This was the first time you had looked at him since the incident. 

He looked for lack of a better word, horrible. 

You wanted to scream and shout and cry and rip his head off. 

But instead, you gave him a once over from head to toe. 

Silently reprimanding him for even thinking you owed him a reason.

Regardless you spoke calmly "Personal reasons Mr. Weasley." 

You glanced at the three of them, the golden tiro, the one you trusted the most was the most responsible for the pain you were feeling.

Feeling like you were detached from your voice you said, "It was lovely to have met the three of you and I am fortunate to have had the pleasure of attending the same school.

Goodbye" 

You looked Ron in the eyes impassively when speaking the last word. 

No time to die

No time to die

Fool me once, fool me twice

Are you death or paradise?

Now you'll never see me cry

There's just no time to die

You had no time to lose yourself over a boy. 

You were an adult and so was Ronald. 

So why were there tears falling uncontrollably when you left the courtyard? 

Because he dug his claws deep into your heart and soul. That's why. 

Oddly enough you kept thinking about his family.

Rons' mother was such an amazing woman.

Speaking of amazing women Ginny was going to grow up and change the world 

You knew it. 

You never formally met Percy considering his poor decision making.

Bill and Charlie never faltered in making you feel protected and cared for. 

And most of all Fred and George made you laugh until your stomach hurt. 

You smiled at the thought before running into someone. Or someones?

Attempting to wipe your tears quickly you looked up to find Fred and George looking at you confused.

"Y/N?" 

Your heart broke you didn't have it in you to pretend to be strong and made out of marble.

You owed it to yourself to feel what you wanted to feel. 

Nor were you going to hold back and keep Rons' secrets for him, he did not deserve that.

He deserved the whole world to know he broke you. 

"Hey, guys." You managed a weak, half-hearted smile. 

Fred and George looked at each other and simultaneously said "What did he do?"

Jokingly expecting your tears to be for someone else and not their kind little brother.

But when you didn't laugh and let out a downright broken sob they knew it was something extremely serious. 

Without question, the twins embraced you and let you wholly release everything you were holding in. 

Just then Ron came running down the corridor 

"Please Y/N Let me explain it wasn't what it looked-" he spoke breathlessly behind but stopped abruptly when he saw his brothers disappointed expressions. You backed out of the warm encircle. 

You took a deep breath. A shaky breath but a deep one none the less. 

"Thank you for accepting me into your home. Please let your mother know she is the kindest woman in the world." 

Ron spoke behind you "Please my love. Talk to me. Look at me I'm begging" 

You turned with such fury and speed Fred and George thought you were going to take your wand out and curse their brother. 

You stood silent. In front of the boy, you would've given the world to. Maybe even now you still would.

"You do not get to speak to me. You do not get to 'explain yourself'. You do not get to say anything to me. I fell for a lie. It was my mistake believing you. I have nothing for you, Ronald Weasley."

You watched him slowly fall apart.

You wanted to feel something

Pride

Anger 

Something. But you were drained of every emotion you had given everything to Ron. 

You turned to Fred and George and smiled dispiritedly. 

From behind you, you could hear one of the twins say "Let her go, mate. You messed up. You lost her." 

And left. Alone 

Just as you had arrived.