#faking adulthood survival guide

[thesomethingguy]

Pretending You’re Okay 101: How to Survive With Style

Let’s not lie to ourselves—none of us really have it together. We’re all just trying to remember our passwords, guess the right recycling days, and avoid crying in public. But the key to surviving adulthood isn’t actually having your life sorted. It’s pretending you do, with enough conviction that even your dog starts to believe it. So, if you’re currently a walking contradiction—burning out on…

[browniefox]

The (New) +Anima Au Guide!

A few months ago, I made a post about the basics of +anima, and now I realize it was kinda bad, so I'm making it again! So, here's a little guide to the basic world of +anima - mostly how anima work - in hopes to inspire people to create +anima aus!

What is +Anima?

+Anima is a ten-volume manga written by Natsumi Mukai. It is very good and cute, you should read it! It revolves around a world where certain people have something called an anima.

When a child is put into a life-threatening situation, there's a chance that they will get the abilities of a nearby animal - granting them wings like a bird, or tail of a fish, for example - in order to survive the situation. It's like if trauma gave you cat ears!

Nana, for instance, was running from her drunk and angry father in the woods at night, and got a bat anima. Natural anima only happen to children.

Getting an anima, or seeing someone with an anima, is rare enough that, even if people are aware of what anima are, those with bird or fish anima are often confused for angels or mermaids. Those with anima are usually treated poorly and feared as something dangerous and scary.

Those with anima are able to look like normal humans most of the time, accessing their anima and transforming back and forth at will. When appearing like a normal human, however, there is still proof of being an anima by way of a marking(s) somewhere on their body. The marking reflects the animal/trait that they have, the location usually correlates with there or how the trait shows up.

As an anima is connected to survival, children with them usually lose their anima as they grow older and find themselves in better situations. In the manga, most of the anima are either kids or teens. There are a few cases of adults with natural anima, two being seemingly homesless men (one seems to be a rat anima, while another is a bison), and a few who are of the Native American-Coded group in the manga, the Kim-un-Kur, who are known to keep their anima through adulthood seemingly because 1. it's less ostracized against, 2. their life style probably is better with one, and 3. they're more in tune with nature and their anima.

(^this is the the buffalo anima and a crow anima)

There is also such a thing as 'fake' or 'manufactured' anima, but only in a sense. There's a way to extract the anima from a person, though if the person is not willing the anima will not remain after the procedure. When willingly extracted, however, the anima can then placed into another person, though the connection between human and anima seems to be tenuous, and the anima may choose to leave.

Outside of a 'manufactored' anima, in canon there is one instance of an anima hopping from one human to another, though in that case the anima was that of a vicious and vengeful bear.

While in-fiction it's mostly hinted at and a little vague, it seems that the anima - as in the animal power itself - seems to have some degree of sentience, as it seems its the anima that makes makes the choice when to leave the human. It seems to be that the spirit of the animal literally ends up in the human that gains the anima.

Those with anima also seem to be able to do a further transformation into a more animal-like form called metamorphosis.

As you may have noticed me doing throughout the post, those with anima are usually just referred to as ‘anima’, though the animal spirit in the is also called their ‘anima’.

In the world of +Anima, there is also a side of the continent that has big market in anima slave trade, so make of that what you will.

Anyway, I find the world of +Anima FASCINATING, please talk to me about +Anima and make aus I love it.

(These are the four main characters of the manga! Cooro (crow), Husky (fish), Senri (bear), and Nana (bat).)

[rayneblakeman]

it rains the creator

Hi! My name is Rayne Blakeman. I am an artist living in Pittsburgh, PA.

Welcome to my Creative Counseling landing page.

Connect Ask (Tumblr users only) Services Testimonials

Below, you will find some information about my background in creativity, my beliefs about creativity as a universal need, and my goals as a creative counselor.

Thank you for being here!!!

My background in creativity reaches far back into my youth, when I needed to be heard by someone, anyone. That someone ended up being myself, and I learned that I could express myself through art and music. I tuned in to the “little voice”, my child self that just wants to love and be loved and have fun. I would take songs I loved and change the lyrics to tell my story. I would draw little comics, my favorite characters from cartoons, and I’d draw what I imagined I would look like as a teen and an adult. Expression quickly became my best friend and the way that I would survive, and the way I could imagine a future for myself. What started as a coping mechanism became the greatest gift I would ever find. I kept listening to the little voice, and I kept choosing self expression again and again, through my art, my drawings, my words, my fashion, and my voice. I got a ukulele at age 12 and it became my favorite way to express my thoughts and feelings. If there wasn’t an outlet for my creativity to be shared, I would create one. I facilitated a talent show at my middle school just so I would have a chance to sing my songs on stage. Shortly after, I started playing local shows, and started building a foundation in my community in my town and online to share my songs and art with a larger audience. My first self-published music project was called Human Petting Zoo, and that project would go on to completely transform my life.

I carry this gift of creativity into my adulthood. I spend time writing every day, taking any preoccupied thought and getting it out, so I can let creativity flow through me with the least resistance. I am a singer and songwriter, playing many instruments and taking a liking to guitar in the last few years. I have done guest vocals on songs and albums of my friends and contemporaries. I (still) produce all of my own music and record it at home, DIY style, and distribute it myself. I am a seamstress, creating garments from my imagination or using patterns or clothes I already have to bring my ideas to life. I'm a visual and graphic artist, playing with Gimp (a photo manipulation program) and drawing with pens or colored pencils. I have taken an interest in interior design and decoration since buying a house two years ago, and have turned my office space into a haven for sacred creativity. I’ve designed a color palette and whimsical paint job for my friend’s coffee shop. I have been studying calligraphy and illuminated manuscripts, reading works by mystics of various spiritual backgrounds, learning about astrology, the human shadow, archetypes, working with tarot cards, and much more. I’ll play with whatever I can get my hands on to express myself and my unique (and in some ways universal) experience of being here.

Wherever the joy is, I follow it, and that is a creative decision I choose to make every day. I believe creativity is a key to transformation, and that creativity is a universal need. In an energetic ecosystem, each part of the ecosystem plays a vital role, just by being perfectly itself. A flower being a flower, a blade of grass being a blade of grass, a tree being a tree… You being yourself. These creative acts of authenticity bring life force into the larger whole.

I knew I had to become a creativity guide when I would hear friends make statements along the lines of, "Nothing I am making is good enough to share," or, "It's not worth the embarrassment," or, "It's not really art, I'm just a fake artist," or, "I could never make music again after what happened to me." Hearing these statements made my heart break. Whoever told them that their self expression wasn't good enough, that the way they related to the world was wrong or invalid, that they simply aren't creative, is just wrong, and probably blocked creatively themselves. Every single person, every single being, and the universe itself, is creative. Breathing is creative. And when I start to look at life through this lens, I see that even things like doing your taxes is creative, as rigid and soulless as it may seem, some people find their flames aglow from the process.

Anything can be creative if you let it flow within you, and then without you.

My main goal as a creative counselor is to guide people out of the darkness of "I'm not creative" and into the light of "I am creative, and I'm doing it right now". I will create a judgement-free space for others to be themselves unapologetically, to express things that they thought would be better left buried inside, to explore parts of themselves they might have overlooked or cast aside, and to experiment and play with possibilities never considered. Together, we will use discernment to find the paths that seem most interesting and exciting. We will learn together that our jobs as artists and creators is to create, not to judge our creations. A song is a song. In our shared experience of nurturing and recovering our creativity and finding the ways we have been blocked by past experience or by our own fears, we will both do a lot of growing and reflecting together. And so, part of my goal is to continue to grow as an artist myself through this practice. I view my life as an art project about becoming more free, and the goal of becoming more free is woven into everything I create and everyone I interact with.

Thank you for taking the time to read a bit about me. You will find more information about my services in the services page, located in the sidebar/top bar.

[hey-its-haliee]

[W7: Body, Brand, Betrayal – Your Body Is Expired, Please Update!]

We Are Slave—Oops, I Mean Made of Fakeness

(It’s Not Just Surgery—It’s a Show, and We’re All Cast in It)

We don’t just modify our bodies anymore—we modify our entire image. Filters sculpt our faces before surgeons do. Aesthetic templates tell us what’s “hot,” and what's not. If we don't adapt? We risk being erased. In an era where looking good is survival, body modification isn’t a choice—it’s an expectation.

1. The Illusion of Choice: Are We Changing for Ourselves or for the Algorithm?

_Plastic Surgery? How about Image Surgery?

Before we go further, let’s get one thing straight: body modification isn’t just about surgery.

Everything gets an update—including what it even means to modify ourselves.

It’s not just the knife. It’s filters, contour, gym grinds, fashion overalls, camera angles. Heck, even a swipe of mascara and call it a day counts. Opting out? Not an option.

But here’s the kicker: Body modification isn’t the villain—pressure is. Beauty trends move faster than iPhone updates, and if you can’t keep up? You’re out.

One moment, razor-sharp cheekbones reign supreme. The next? ‘Soft girl’ beauty takes over—but only if the softness is sculpted just right.

And let’s be real, the no-makeup makeup look doesn’t mean actually bare-faced. Your skin better be flawless—naturally or, ahem, with a little help. (No hate to my fellow plastic surgery besties - it’s your body, your choice! You're cool.)

So, who decides these trends? Because it sure as hell isn’t the people draining their bank accounts trying to keep up.

_JoJo, Have You Learned NOTHING? You’re Too Old! Also, Grow Up!

Remember that whole thing about stereotypes back in Week 4? (If you’ve read it, you’ll know what I mean! Just wanna make sure😏) 

Yeah, well, plot twist: It’s not just about genders and sexuality anymore, because the new girl has arrived: The ‘acceptable’ way to be an adult. 

And no one felt that pressure harder than JoJo Siwa. 

She didn’t go under the knife (I think?), but let’s be real—she had to remodel herself to fit the part. If body modification is about survival, then this is its final form: Image modification.

Now don’t get me wrong, what she did is a mess, but let’s be real; she was handed a checklist: 

🎀The bows? Juvenile.  ✨The sparkles? Cringe. 

The new script?

💋Smudge the eyeliner.  🔊Ditch the high pitch 🦵🏿Rip the fishnets.  💦Act provocatively.  🍻Chug booze on stage ✒️Flaunt tattoos like war medals. (they’re fake btw).  👶Talk about little kiddies. 🔞And, of course, sprinkle in some NSFW content.

(not that she had time to figure it out before the world forced her hand—but hey, give the girl a break, she’s trying) 

_Insert Coin to Continue: The Cost of Being ‘Seen’

Just like that, Jojo wasn’t a kid anymore—she was reprogrammed. And of course, the internet had opinions (as always). 

“That’s what adulthood is supposed to look like, right?” -little JoJo thinks.

But did JoJo actually choose this transformation? Or was it a survival tactic?

And mate, I call this - “the trap”.

Body modification isn’t just about lips and hips anymore—it’s about shaping an entire image to fit a mold. And when the mold shifts, so must we.

JoJo didn’t just change—she had NO choice. The world would never let her stay the same. And fame? Fame doesn’t reward authenticity—it rewards adaptability. 

New image or full-blown surgery? Doesn’t matter. JoJo only gets one real choice: Adapt or die.

2. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Me! A Guide to Looking ‘Real’ (By coughing the money up)

_When Your Existence Needs a Glow-Up

We’re told self-love is the answer—but if you feel ugly?

That’s on you.

Every flaw is your personal project to fix. No pressure, though! Just a quick filler here, a gym membership there, a thousand-dollar serum—boom! You’re “empowered” now. 

You CHOSE this yourself, right?

Yay! You “escaped” the male gaze…

...Only to be enslaved by capitalism.

Flawlessness has never been more expensive, yet we’re still expected to achieve it effortlessly. Self-love didn’t free us—it just gave us new ways to hate ourselves. 

(Somehow, we still gotta look hot while falling apart.)

And social media? It thrives on this cycle. Algorithms don’t just reflect beauty standards—they enforce them. The more engagement a body type gets, the more the system amplifies it. Platforms don’t just show us what’s trending; they make sure it stays trending—until it’s time to sell us the next look.

Carah and Dobson (2016) explain that algorithms track which body types get the most engagement and push them even further, making beauty a numbers game where visibility equals value.

If you can’t do that? The algorithm swipes left. 

_Congrats! You’re a Trend Now. Hope You Age Well

So, we’ve dragged modern "body modification"—a.k.a. "Image Surgery"—through the mud. But what about the OG version?

You know, the real knives-and-needles kind? The one that doesn’t just tweak your Instagram aesthetic but permanently reshapes you?

Once upon a time, the BBL was the must-have body upgrade. And guess who led the charge? The queen of body trends herself - Kim Kardashian.

She didn’t follow the trend—she was the trend. Hyper-curvy became the gold standard of desirability. But the moment slim and “natural” came back? She deflated faster than Wall Street in ‘29.

Kim didn’t just sell a body type—she sold an entire industry. And when she cashed out, the beauty economy followed.

As Dorfman et al. (2017) point out, Instagram isn’t just flexing glow-ups; it’s fueling a billion-dollar plastic surgery pipeline, turning young adults into prime targets.

_Your BBL Is Overdue!

The worst part?

↪️Kim can afford to hit ‘undo.’ 

😭The rest of us? We’re stuck with yesterday’s trend on bodies that today’s beauty standard has already abandoned.

Today it’s BBLs, tomorrow it’s something else—but the system never changes.

Drenten, Gurrieri and Tyler (2019) make it clear—visibility is currency, and if you can’t cash in, you’re out. The algorithm doesn’t do nostalgia.

3. The Ultimate Scam: It Was Never About Bodies, It’s About CONTROL

_Body Modification: The New Cage of Beauty – If You Don’t Change, You’ll Disappear

Body modification isn’t just about aesthetics—it’s about proving something. 

Prove you’re sexy, but not too sexy. Be strong, but still desirable. Improve yourself, but in an acceptable way.

It’s not about personal choice anymore; it’s about survival of the most “beautiful”. Change your body, or risk becoming invisible. 

💪“Strong women don’t care what people think.”  (Yes, we do. That’s why we get work done or you’ll just shame us into silence again.) 💅“Real women don’t chase validation.”  (Unless it’s repackaged as empowerment—then go off, queen.) 😎“Confidence is power.”  (But not too much confidence. Stay humble, darling.)

So here we are, stuck between two impossible choices:

Modify yourself? You’re a brainwashed sellout. Stay the same? You’re insecure and outdated.

SHOCKER: We’re Not Modifying Ourselves—We’re Being Modified

At this point, body modification isn’t just about looks. It’s about staying relevant.

Kim modified her body. JoJo modified her personality.

We don’t just edit our faces or tweak our figures anymore. We modify our entire identities—piece by piece—until we fit whatever the world expects of us. 

Our bodies are now brands.

Our confidence? A product we have to buy.

...

And if we refuse to play the game?

We get erased. From relevance. From desirability. From opportunity.

So, tell me—who really benefits from all this?

Because if we’re all constantly reshaping ourselves to fit the next trend…

Who’s really in control?

Your body is expired, please update?

Maybe it’s time we stop letting the system install the updates for us...

References:

Atske, S 2021, ‘The State of Online Harassment’, Pew Research Center, viewed 21 March 2025, .

Haslop, C, O’Rourke, F & Southern, R 2021, ‘#NoSnowflakes: The toleration of harassment and an emergent gender-related digital divide, in a UK student online culture’, Convergence: The International Journal of Research into New Media Technologies, vol. 27, no. 5, pp. 1418–1438.

Marwick, AE & Caplan, R 2018, ‘Drinking male tears: language, the manosphere, and networked harassment’, Feminist Media Studies, vol. 18, no. 4, pp. 543–559, viewed .

[carlynendiape05]

"THE ROLLER COASTER ROAD: MY JOURNEY FROM CHILDHOOD TO ADULTHOOD"

Looking back from my past made me realized that I am already far from who I am before and who I am today. I never knew before that my life would be a roller coaster ride, so many ups and downs, struggles and stress but I am still proud that I survived. Growing up with no self confidence and self esteem made my life more difficult. Back when I was a child, I usually don't want to communicate with other people, I only had 1-2 friends that time. I don't know why I am that kind of child but I know to myself that I am comfortable when no one is around. 

Because of being afraid to go to school that days, my Mother always got mad at me and push me to go but I always end up being absent on the school days. But my Mother didn't gave up and still push me to go, and as the days goes by, I already adopted to myself that I should go to school so that I had a good grades.When my age became 12-13 years old in my elementary days, I started  developed my self confidence and self esteem. I changed from introvert child to extrovert child. I became an achiever on the school and learned to cooperate with school activities. 

I can say that I developed in many ways that time. Having more friends and started to have mutual feelings with other people. It was my most treasured moments because I am a Grade 6 student that time and that was the time that i've meet my Bestfriends and we're still Bestfriends up until now. When I am with my close friends, I am that type of child who is the joker of the circle and considered as the sunshine girl of the group because of my joyful personality and positive mindset.I still remember that every month of May, Me and my Family always go to the Province of Bantayan and meet my relatives.

I felt so happy and excited everytime we go there because it is our family time. Having time with my Grandmother is one of the best memories that I had before. Eventhough It is hard to live because we had no financial stability in our Province, I still wan't to live their together with my Family. My hobbies before is playing and watching movies with my neighbors, just like what other children do when they are still young. Playing some fake money and selling foods with nothing inside is one of the memorable experience that fulfill my childhood days together with my friends. 

And when I became a Highschool student, I've meet a lot of people,and it also became my happiest highschool moments. 4 years in Highschool served my self as the guide on how to became strong and matured. When Pandemic happened, I am a grade 8 student that time. And because of pandemic, I experienced a lot of struggles especially in my academic performance because of ECQ. It was so hard for me that time because I only had modules but I didn't had enough knowledge to understand those modules without explanation coming from my teachers.

Studying from home is not a good study habit for me that time, not only because of I didn't learned some of the lessons on the modules but also because I've missed going to school with my friends and had some personal talks with my teachers and classmates. When things  got better and students are already allowed to go to school, I am already a Grade 10 student that time. There are so many changes in the environment and it took me how many months to adjust on the new rules.

But still everything goes to normal already after I graduated in Grade 10.  When I started Grade 11 at Asian Learning Center, I am happy and grateful that I choose this strand. 

I've meet a lot of people with different point of view in life and saw those people who are strong and motivated  to strive for their dreams. I never experienced pressuring my self before but when I started in Seniorhigh I felt that I need to do my best and make my parents proud. I also felt pressure because in our family, I am the only on that they expected to finish schools and graduate because my sisters and brother already got married and decided to stop their acads. I also realized that I need to choose those group of friends who will help me no matter what happened without plasticity in any aspects. Having those people had a big impact of my life and made my self become more strong to overcome challenges.

And now I am already a Grade 12 student, this school year taught me how time  management is important. So many struggles that sometimes we students ended up going to school with lack of sleep because of academic pressure. I cried so many times in this school year and even doubted my self because of being a slow learner. Anxiety hits me this time but I make it as an inspiration and I know to myself I can do it but I also come up that as a Graduating students and soon to have a more serious life experience in college. The pressure of enrolling college without financial stability and my Parents decided that I should stop my acads here and go find some work to supply our financial needs.

I don't know what path I should choose, Is it continuing college or find some work. I want to continue studying and promise to my self that to be a working student. I witnessed so many students who became a working student and still striving not only for supplying the needs of their family but also for their acads and I make them as an inspiration because I believe that if they can do it, I can also do it.I know that it will not be an easy journey for me,but I need to fight for my future and for my family.

ENDIAPE,CARLY S. XII-BACKTESTING

[bulletnotestudies]

resuming our recommendations for the Summer Reading Challenge prompts, here are some great works by authors of color!

for each prompt, we’re bringing 4 books into the spotlight, as well as giving you some additional recs because we simply couldn’t settle for just four great reads!

Binti by Nnedi Okorafor

Binti is the first of the Himba people ever to be offered a place at Oomza University, the finest institution of higher learning in the galaxy. On her journey her transport ship runs into trouble with a different species and it’s up to her diplomacy to make sure she survives this trip. This fresh, curious, sci-fi novella is the first in the Binti trilogy, but it can be read as a stand-alone. (review by our lovely Hannah @hannistudies) > this read has: rich worldbuilding, tension, self-discovery

The Chosen and the Beautiful by Nghi Vo

A Great Gatsby retelling, set in a universe of casual magic, glittering excess, and elemental mysteries, told from Jordan Baker’s view and she is still othered. Except this time it's because she is adopted, Vietnamese, and queer. Written very dreamily and with this distinct flavor of rotting decadence of the 20s, Nghi Vo’s debut novel brings a thrill for the classic's fans and fantasy lovers alike. The nods to the original? Just exquisite. (review by our amozing (hehe) Mo @upside-down-uni) > this read has: atmospheric storytelling, thrill, lgbtq+ characters

Tie Your Shoes Kid by Meta Sarmiento

A collection of beautifully crafted, evocative poems that explore the journey from childhood to the doorstep of adulthood, weaving together the themes of family, self-discovery, heartache, and hope. Sarmiento's lyrical and narrative poems are both relatable and educative, leaving you with a feeling of comfort and peace. It's forgiveness, it's kindness, it's softly telling yourself it's time to tie your own shoes. > a line from the work: My heart deserves to smile after all it has survived.

With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo

Even though she dreams of working as a chef after she graduates, high school senior Emoni knows that it's not worth her time to pursue the impossible. Her plate's already full, what with her daughter to care for and her abuela to help support, leaving her with little means to let herself go in the world of culinary arts. But even with all the rules she has for her life—and all the rules everyone expects her to play by—once Emoni starts cooking, her only real choice is to let her talent break free. > this read has: inspiration, familial love, slow burn romance

Extra recs below the cut:

• Felix Ever After by K. Callender • Cemetery Boys by A. Thomas • The Poet X by E. Acevedo • The Black Flamingo by D. Atta • The Namesake by J. Lahiri • Ace of Spades by F. Àbíké-Íyímídé • We Hunt the Flame by H. Faizal • The Jasmine Throne by T. Suri • Hani and Ishu’s Guide to Fake Dating by A. Jaigirdar • A Thousand Splendid Suns by K. Hosseini

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw/Cw: therapy progression after childhood sexual trauma (not described in detail but the circumstances around are mentioned) victim blaming, family who did not notice something is off, did not ask for help, grooming mention, guilt, self blaming, fawn response, different laws about adulthood and consent

searching for advice or validation

I feel very comfortable with my (licenced trauma-) Therapist, after roundabout 2 years of therapy stabilising myself and working on dissociation issues, numbing and survival mode flashbacks triggers etc. (the pandemic going on doesn't make it easy).

I'm way better than I was when I started and now we both kind of agree it's time to take it a few steps further and stop making stabilising work, trust building stuff (sounds like we did not do much at all but we did a lot of work). It's my call but we'd have start revisiting the days where trauma ocured (or atleast the biggest) in a save guided way to process it but i'm still scared.

Like I said it's my call, I probably should so I can move on and stop surviving to keep living.

But there's so many reasons to be scared of even though I know I'm not alone and we'd take small steps. But how to start?

Its always so hard for me to take the first step in something I feel like I need some push otherwise I'm always just beating around the Bush without moving on.

But here are some things I'm afraid of maybe you can speak of your own experience or just help me sort this out?

(I talked to my Therapist about the things that scare me but I need to talk to someone else)

- memory issues: I remember the event(s) very vague (I dissociated) and I know this is okay maybe some memories won't come back and don't have to but it still feels like I'm lying when I try to piece things together (One part of my family who could've noticed because they were around (even though they didn't see it happen) doesn't believe me and deny my version of the story - which is not helpful at all) it scares me. Like what if my brain is just searching for attention and imagined parts of it or most or it or if it was my fault since I was a confused messed up (maybe groomed) teenager ?

- I kind of had a mix of a freeze and fawn response at the time and did my best to keep it from showing to the family members who were around who could have protected me if they'd known

- I also do know I went along with it maybe I got groomed, maybe it was a fawn response maybe I was a confused messed up teenager and wanted to experiment with an adult "friend" and now I'm traumatised by it. (It all recurred very hard before I started going to therapy )

I'm afraid to look at that how do I Handle that ?

Like he was from a different culture where the law probably would blame me for flirting with him or worse for making him do this (even though that's not what I wanted). I won't get closure on that. In that country which me and my family visited during vacation it be legal for a 13/14 year old to decide these things and I should have known better and the female part is always to blame.

This are the main things running through my head - sorry if it's a bit chaotic

I want to move on but I also want it to be over?

Like why can't I jump ahead in time to the timestamp after I processed everything?

hello anon!

firstly, the wording of the ask is fine and not chaotic, don’t worry! you don’t have to start if you’re not ready. it is completely valid if you wait longer - as long as you need. however, it sounds like you’re keen to hear some advice about how to start, and i’m proud of you for considering to take these steps.

on the memory issues: it’s very normal for people with trauma to have memory issues, especially fragmented pieces of memories or very vague knowledge of what happened. it certainly does not mean you’re faking. as you know, when your brain goes through trauma it often tries to forget pieces because they’re too much for you to deal with as a kid. there’s not really a reason that your brain would make up trauma memories, so it’s highly unlikely your memories are made up. and even if there are inaccurate parts, that doesn’t mean your trauma as a whole isn’t valid - it definitely is. you deserve to heal no matter what.

about not speaking up or "going along with" grooming - you were still a child. and a human being. im sorry you went through this, and you did not deserve what anyone did to you. at that age, you couldn’t give informed consent even if you said "yes", because you were too young. and, as an adult, he would absolutely know it was wrong to be in any sexual situation with it is also possible to be traumatised by consensual sexual experiences. again, even if minors could legally consent in that country, the gap between an 18 year old and someone 13/14 is extremely significant. he had legal and social power over you which he would have known, and used. your trauma is valid, and the abuse was certainly abuse. an abusers country doesn’t justify the abuse. nothing can.

i’m very sorry that people didn’t believe you. your experience was valid and sounds like it’s caused a lot of trauma. their opinions cannot take away from your reality.

it’s hard to move on from trauma. unfortunately, you can’t skip through time. it takes a lot of work and you have to get into your emotions and it’s difficult, but it sounds like you’ve found a psychologist who is well qualified, and who you have built a relationship with. i’m sure they will be understanding - feelings of guilt for the trauma, or doubting your memories, are very normal and valid emotions to come up when working through your trauma.

of course, it is ultimately your decision if you want to start talking about it with your therapist. and, you can always advocate for yourself - you can take a break, slow down, or wait for longer if you need to! working through trauma should always be on your own terms, with the therapist supporting these terms too. i wish you all the best with therapy.

- mod wren

[makemegentle]

this competition asked to write a short story in the dystopian genre and my entry's below - don't rb!

the sweetest fruit

The boy gasped, straining against the padded frame of the jeep just as the vehicle slowly came to a halt. ���Look!’ he shouted, pointing at a spot about a hundred feet from the group. ‘Look, Mum! That’s so cool!’

Half-instinctively, his mother had already grabbed a fistful of his tank-top, ready to yank him back. She had spent the entirety of the trip sitting as still as possible, facing forward, eyes stubbornly fixed on the self-cooling top of the car in a pointless effort to fight her motion sickness: her patience was already wearing very thin without her eight-year-old personal safety hazard trying to get himself killed.

‘Ethan, for the love of God,’ she snapped. ‘I already told you to stop leaning over the frame! Do you realise how dangerous that is?’

‘No, Mum, you’ve got to look!’

‘Emma, darling,’ her husband whispered, a gentle hand on her shoulder. ‘You should really look at this. It’s magnificent.’

Whatever it was, even her fifteen-year-old daughter - who had spent the last thirty minutes texting her friends back home without so much as a glance at the scenery - was jaw-slacked, so she slowly got up on her wobbly knees and peered over her shoulders.

In the shadow of a tree, protected from the sweltering heat, two lions were feasting on a zebra. Perhaps belatedly, as it’d taken her a second to drink the sight in, she realised that the poor thing was still alive: writhing as blood, red and hot and pulsing, gushed out from where the bigger lion - the male - had bitten into its back.

The smaller one, the female, soundlessly sank its teeth into the dying animal’s neck, and the latter gave one last weak kick, finally falling limp. When the lioness stood again, it was almost impossible, from this distance, to see her eyes amidst the bloodied mess on her face.

‘Oh, my God, Matt,’ Emma said. ‘This is beautiful. Nature truly is beautiful.’

‘You don’t really get to see this kind of show anywhere else today,’ their guide said from the driver’s seat. He sounded proud, as if he’d hunted and fed the zebra to the lions himself.

Alberto wasn’t wrong, Emma reasoned. Given that they were parked in the middle of the privately-owned biggest North American savanna, he - or rather, his employer - was the one effectively feeding the lions. Like feeding mice to cats. She glanced at her children, glad they could have a window on a reality that was long gone. To think it would have taken a trip around the world to watch this spectacle - imagine the motion sickness then! If only, she considered wistfully, there could be a way of replicating glaciers just as accurately.

‘Honestly, it seems a bit unfair that they get to eat real meat,’ Ethan said at the dinner table a few hours later. He was picking at his plate, moving the fried grasshoppers they’d been served for dinner around, but not really eating any. ‘While we are stuck with insects and microprotein or whatever.’

Emma pinched the bridge of her nose. She was tired and sunburnt, her sensitive pale skin suffering under the blistering sun of the region, so different from the temperate weather back home North. She had a splitting headache, too. She was, yet again, at the so-called end of her tether. ‘Ethan…’

‘You should be glad you get to eat at all,’ her daughter said at the same time. ‘There’s a reason it’s illegal to eat meat. These animals are here for show, anyway. They were originally from Africa.’

‘Shut up, Becca,’ Ethan mumbled. ‘Everybody knows there are no animals in Africa. There’s nothing there.’

Becca’s cheeks were tinted pink, eyebrows furrowed. ‘Of course there were animals. There were animals everywhere before the Climate Crunch.’

‘Both of you, stop it,’ Matt interjected. ‘Ethan, your sister is right. You should be grateful that we are here in the first place. That said…’ He leant forward, voice down to a whisper: ‘I have a surprise for you. Or, well, Richard has a surprise for us. When he arrives tomorrow, he’ll bring us real meat. Bovine meat.’

‘But it’s illegal,’ said Becca.

‘It’s technically illegal,’ Matt acknowledged. ‘It’s not if you know how to get some and no one from Animal Conservation finds out. Do you think our president only eats insects? Please, Becca. Use that big brain of yours.’

‘Yes,’ Ethan snickered. ‘Use your brain, Becca.’

‘That is too generous,’ Emma said. ‘Inviting us here in the first place was, when even he hasn’t gotten here yet. Now this. I wouldn’t know how to repay him.’

Truly, all she felt was jealousy. Her guts twisted with the sheer force of it. Yes, she had known that Richard was comfortable. The gated, heavily guarded estate spanned for thousands of acres, comprised the 5000sqt villa they were staying at (five bedrooms, seven bathrooms, a cinema, marble floors and solar panels on the rooftop), an indoor swimming pool inspired by vintage photos of Amalfi, two indoor tennis courts, and the savanna they’d explored earlier in the day. ‘The biggest conservation area in North America since they repurposed the Midwest,’ he’d bragged in a video call, two weeks before. ‘You will love it. The holiday you deserve. Make yourselves at home.’

But meat? He could get meat?

Matt’s family had designed DeNuketify, which was basically the only effective way of purifying ocean water from whatever nuclear waste Japan kept spewing so that it could be used and, most importantly, drunk. They had managed to flee the continent with the last handful of greencards about the time her family did, too, taking their precious Queen’s accent with them to found Nova London. She was the governor of Nova London now, for God’s sake. The bloody queen herself was long dead but she was alive, and yet, yet - they had never had meat.

‘We don’t have to, Emma,’ Matt said. ‘We just need to remember how lucky we are to enjoy this meal, this house, this holiday. Look at that,’ and he nodded towards the TV screen again. ‘Actually, Alexa!, volume up!, I think the Italians have finally surrendered.’

The war correspondent’s voice grew louder. She - they, Emma reminded herself: Becca always told her not to assume anyone’s gender - was wearing a dust mask and reading from a bundle of documents. ‘The last military hospital in the island of Palermo was destroyed four days ago by a Canadian airstrike,’ they were saying. ‘The rebels surrendered soon after, followed by the group of extremists in the Nebrodi island. Etna had already surrendered last year.’

‘It’s important to remember that these actions were necessary to finally put a rest on the instability of the region,’ they added. ‘Canada will fund a complete restoration of the Southern archipelago. The remaining civilians will be provided with a shelter and then, when the time comes, a suitable job. Nova Italia will be the sixteenth Canadian state, the fourth offshore. There are also hopes to extract petroleum from the seabed of the sunken city of Gela.’

‘Watch them make it into a holiday hotspot,’ Matt commented. ‘The weather is still nice there.’

‘Ooh, I heard about this.’ Becca picked her phone back up and started furiously typing away. ‘There’s this journal entry soldiers found over there, under the rubble, that’s gone viral. It was translated into English. Wait, I’ll pull it up. Alexa, volume down.’

‘I’m not sure I want to hear it,’ Emma said, uneasy. ‘We’re on holiday. Should we not watch a movie? Something funny?’

Becca waved her away, as if she was an annoying fly. ‘It’ll be good practice for my drama class.’

Matt didn’t help—he simply shrugged, half-apologetic, as if to say: Let her do her thing.

Becca made a show of clearing her throat, too, before she started reading from her phone—her high voice now grave, studied, as if she were speaking to a larger audience: ‘I wonder what peas taste like.’

Right then, the scene on screen changed to footage of what looked like a destroyed village, something out of an apocalyptic movie. Emma found herself unable to look away.

‘Nonna used to say that her own great-grandmother grew them in her garden. Figs, too,’ Becca read. ‘They say they were the sweetest fruit.’

Emma wondered if this journal was actually written by a child or a teenager. It didn’t sound like an adult at all. She couldn’t help but picture a girl, a brunette, not much older than Becca, perhaps a rebel, or a trainee nurse on the sweet cusp of adulthood, holding this journal of hers, or perhaps a gun. It violently reminded her that her own daughter, too, would have to serve her time in the Forces in three years.

On screen, the Canadian soldiers walked among the ruins, zigzagging between torn up clothes and discarded weapons, surely looking for surviving rebels under the rubbles.

‘Isn’t it silly that we can hear the fighters overhead and that all I can do is think about food?’ said Becca. ‘I wish we could also eat figs and be happy.’

On screen, the camera zoomed in on a long-forgotten man's shoe, some crumpled photographs, on a pile of bodies in black bin bags.

‘Grandma - I miss her - left me a poetry book, too, from T.S. Eliot. I hope the book is with me when I die, so I can give it back to her when we meet again, afterwards. So I can tell her that T.S. Eliot was wrong.’

On screen, one of the soldiers approached and showed a little trinket to the camera: a bloody, heart-shaped locket that must’ve once been golden, hiding the miniature pictures of two brunette children that would never have a name.

‘That’s enough,’ Emma said. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. ‘Stop reading.’

‘The world may have not ended with a bang, but it didn’t end with a whimper, either: the world didn’t end at all. Sometimes,’ Becca finished reading, ‘I wish it had.’

‘What a load of rubbish,’ Matt scoffed. ‘Everyone should feel lucky to be alive. I bet this journal is a fake. Alexa, turn the TV off.’

As the screen faded to black, Ethan finally popped a grasshopper in his mouth. ‘I can’t wait to have meat tomorrow.’

[bucklemonster]

2020 08 19 Orange man dream 4 restaurant

2020/08/19

Another dream I had. I also would like to say. Right now I'm looking for work. That means I have time to write this all down. But if I have work not sure if I will be able to ask so many questions and write it all down. 21 to 23 August I will be at my boyfriends house so might not be able to write and sent stories. However if there is info that could save us all I will let you all know ASAP. If I find work I might ask Orange Man to appear every two nights, or every week. Unless he has info that might save us all then he must tell me and as much humans possible. I have a feeling his interest in humans is sincere. I think after this dream I had lost my connection with Orange Man. But he will return. Thanks for reading and understanding. TW: possible doomsday, mention of nazis Remember: big claims need big evidence. I don't think there will be an apocalypse. Just weird dreams.

I dreamed vague images of a jungle, a cave, and creature with multiple legs, blue and bat like. It could shoot arrows. When it attacked me, I went to another place. Then I saw a swimming pool with orange water and green tiles, I think. I could not see details. Then this vivid dream began:

I'm sitting in a restaurant. In front of me is the orange man. The restaurant is filled with orange men. We sit at a window. Outside of the window is green grass. Sheep are eating grass. The sheep have orange wool and light blue skin. They kind of remind me of the pokémon wooloo. The music of the restaurant sounds like a mix of jazz but weird and very slow. It sounds there is heavy metal thrown in there and electronic music with some biological gurgling sounds that make melodies. Its hard to get used to but I guess it is music from another world so yeah. The music goes slow and is not loud at all, so its not too distracting. There was singing but in a language I could not understand, and the voices sounded a little to low to be human.

An other orange man came up to us with a plate. On the plate lay blue eggs, covered in brown slime. It smelled like tomato soup, I don't know why. It smelled good but looked disgusting.

I got a plate of spaghetti, it looked normal. I asked: "I don't want to be an A**hole but, is this vegetarian?" OM (The orange man): "Of course, if we want to communicate to humans we must respect their wishes."

I took a small bite, it was delicious. I think it had fake vegetarian minced "meat" in it.

"Thanks, how much should I pay you?" OM: you have to pay nothing. It is merely a projection, electrical signals within the brain. Money too is an illusion, it is a system but for now it works.

I: Did Jesus come in the flesh and was he the messiah?

OM: If Jesus inspires to do good and helps you than you can follow him. I do not have connection with the information crystals referring to Jesus but he was most likely a product of man and myth. Perhaps he was guided by someone inhuman. Perhaps he was guided by his heart and the will to do good. We must follow that will and help humanity.

I: Did he come first?

OM: It does not matter if he came first or came last, the things he did, the myths that came, the power in the present is what counts. I believe he came somewhere in the middle, not to slow, not to fast.

I: What is that supposed to mean? OM: It means what the words create in your cerebral structure.

I: A friend wanted to know. What do you know about ___ of sheep?

OM: Humans are like sheep. Sheep are like humans. They are lucky often they do not realize it. They have feelings, they stay together and together they are stronger. Black sheep, brown sheep, green sheep they are all sheep and must be accepted in the herd if they want to. Do not blindly follow, do not blindly hate. Nazi Germany was a deadly combination of hatred and following a wolf blindly. We must stand together for together we are strong. I: I, think you might have misunderstood me. I'm referring to something that might be a potion or a spell.

OM: I cannot offer everything. I understood you completely even more than you understand yourself. What I told you, you needed to hear. You are special, like every human, full of potential. Yet you are merely a machine made of flesh. Programmed by DNA and the outside world. We shall not deprogram, the program might be useful. We shall add new ways of thinking into the human intellect. However I am no god merely a servant. I have no acces to all the information crystals. My responses are limited. You mask ask the right questions.

Now to focus more on your question. Perhaps she must find the spell within herself. Perhaps the luck is within her heart, in being with someone else. If this answer does not satisfy she needs to find someone that is important to her, but someone that has not heard her question. Perhaps a simple conversation, might provide more answers. It is the journey that is important.

I: Do you know a woman with an afro-haircut?

Om: I have not retained all my credits. There are some humans that look like that. I cannot give definite answers. I am in a sorry state.

I: Don't be sorry. I'm glad you are willing to share information with my friends and I.

The Orange man looked at his food, staring at it, frowning a little. Then two green beams came out of his eyes. Sparks from the food went towards the beams, followed the beams and went into his eyes. The food was shrinking. I realize this must be his way of eating. "Light goes trough the eye and nurtures the soul. All kinds of people must unite, like a rainbow and like a rainbow is made up of light it nurtures the soul. Yet we must have food and use our mouths too."

I: Do you know if my friend comes from another world? Om: We all come from other worlds, souls are recycled. The soul is like a wave and memory is like water, it goes forward but it lets go once it is to far away. We are connected and flying around looking for connections, or enjoying life alone. Lucky is the one that can be happy alone. Goodness comes when people gather and share their knowledge. Your friend can perhaps use the world she came from as a source for creative energies. Perhaps setting that world on a paper sheet might offer answers she may not have found. One must also not loose track of ones life. Enjoy the present, happiness is in front of us, hiding in plain sight.

I: How do we defeat the anti-Christ?

Om: If you want to call the servants of self and evil the anti-chirst than he is called the anti-christ. The anti-christ wants to divide. divide and conquer. There fore we must love and connect each other. If we cannot love at least we can respect and understand.

I: Why would people be disappointed when Sept 5 comes? Om: There wont be a collapse of society yet, we think it will happen someday, maybe within 1000 earthly years. Unless the nature gets revenge for all that was poisonous and thrown into it then the collapse will be sooner. Yet even if there is a collapse, humans will cooperate and survive. All that is destroyed will be rebuild in a better way, yet that must not be a statement for war and destruction. There will also not be a great act of saving, no vessel shall land only spiritual baby steps will be taken. Those who are sensitive will feel the shift

I: What form might the cataclysm take?

Om: The cataclysm is the step towards adulthood, it might get ugly and very emotional but only if you let it to be that way. It will simply a baby step. A castle is build brick by brick.

I: Why did I have to sign your papers? Om: We need the full cooperation of our participants. Signing is a symbol an act of consent. It is a way to build bridges and keep them strong. You have consented to spread the words of the organization.

I: A girl I know wants to know her future. Om: I am not a predictor of future, but if she does the things she likes and takes steps towards what she wants to achieve she can do a lot more than she first thought she could.

I: Will the cataclysm be local or global. Om: We spark minds locally, when our work is going as intended, the fire of salvation will spread slowly across the globe. Not many will notice it, yet the effects can easily be undone. Humans must build roads of friends and goodness, these roads must be kept alive. The roads can easily be torn. Yet we must stay strong and always be ready to rebuild what is lost with love.

We finished our food.

OM: When the food is gone, we are full. It is time to go back to the world of the living. Remind the mortals that the day is close, a baby-step towards a higher plain will be taken, all is not forsaken. Most will not notice, only the sensitive ones might see a little shift from all that will be. And remember, remember the 5th of September 2024 that is what its for!

I woke up.

[thedcdunce]

Lex Luthor

“Metropolis and her people are mine -- and they'll live or die as I see fit!” - Lex Luthor

Real Name: Alexander Joseph Luthor

Aliases:

Mockingbird

Gender: Male

Height: 6′ 2″

Weight: 210 lbs (95 kg)

Eyes: Green

Hair: Bald

Abilities:

Genius Level Intellect

Hand-to-Hand Combat (Basic)

Weaknesses:

Arrogance

Equipment:

Kryptonite

Sunstone

Lex Luthor's Warsuit

Universe: New Earth

Base of Operations: Metropolis

Citizenship: American

Parents: 

Lionel Luthor; father

Letitia Luthor; mother

Marital Status: 

Divorced (Elizabeth Perske; wife)

Widowed (Contessa Erica Alexandra del Portenza; wife)

Occupation:

Businessman

Scientist

President of the United States

First Appearance: Swamp Thing Vol 2 #52 (September, 1986)

Last Appearance: Convergence #6 (July, 2015)

Abilities

Genius Level Intellect: Luthor's intelligence is nearly unrivaled, making one of the smartest minds on Earth. Luthor has solved complicated equations in a few minutes and holds a myriad of masters and degrees. He's found cures for diseases in deep thought and found ways to better mankind while still profiting from its destruction.

Business Management: Lex Luthor is one of the most shrewd businessmen in the world, a trait that has earned him an immense fortune. Luthor is not above using cutthroat tactics, unethical practices and illegal operations to maintain the success of his business empire. Lex Luthor virtually owned every business enterprise in the city of Metropolis.

Political Science: Lex Luthor's corporate skills applied just as sharply in the political arena as they did in the boardroom. As President of the United States, he groomed the best candidates to serve as his cabinet members and knew the intricacies of bureaucratic politicking as well as any other former Chief Executive.

Leadership: Although Luthor's tenure as president ended in scandal, he successfully guided the nation during the massive alien invasion. He's led a large amount of supervillain teams and done so quite effectively.

Science: Lex has solved complicated chemical equations in seconds. He understands the variety of powers associated with the human metagene and manipulated it for his own purposes. He claims he found a cure for cancer as well as AIDS but holds them in his personal notes to better bank on it's research.

Hand-to-Hand Combat (Basic): Lex Luthor is also trained in hand-to-hand combat, though his personal Amazon fighting instructors consider him a sub-par combatant with poor form.

Weaknesses

Arrogance

Equipment

Kryptonite

Sunstone

Lex Luthor's Warsuit

Personality

Luthor is commonly seen as a power-hungry and sadistic villain of pure evil. His sole ambition in life is to destroy Superman so that he can become humanity's rightful champion.

Luthor was already antisocial and bitter during his childhood. Having endured continuous abuse from his father and mother, Luthor murdered them and made their deaths look like an accident. Since then, Luthor has become more and more ruthless, seeing people as tools to be manipulated or as enemies to be destroyed. His hatred grew even more when Superman first appeared, as Luthor believed the people of Metropolis had replaced him for Superman as the city's savior. Swearing vengeance on Superman, Luthor has tried to destroy the Man of Steel for an eternity.

For all his attempts to destroy Superman, Luthor sees himself as a hero and Superman as a villain. He believes Superman's heroic acts are an obstacle for human progress. Luthor has stated on many occasions that after he destroys Superman, he will work towards the betterment of mankind. However, Superman has proven that Luthor will not keep this supposed promise, noting that Luthor did nothing during Superman's year-long absence after his fight with Superboy-Prime but find an old Kryptonian warship to break things.

Luthor's primary handicap in facing Superman and other heroes has always been his arrogance. As he fundamentally defines himself by his opposition to Superman, he believes that the reverse is also true, convinced that most of Superman's actions are simply to prove that he is 'better' than Luthor, incapable of recognizing how Superman and other heroes would do good for the sake of it.

Despite his crimes, Luthor has established an image as a wealthy philanthropist and manages to maintain a notable political popularity.

Early Life

Lex Luthor was born and raised in the poverty stricken area of Metropolis known as Suicide Slum, the child of abusive parents, with a fierce desire to better himself. Cunning, vengeful and ambitious even at a young age, Lex was every bit the charismatic and malicious manipulator he is in his adulthood. Such that he could enlist the ne'er-do-well's of the ghetto to dispatch bullies for him, was a habitual misogynist who was cruel to the girls of his classroom, his own teachers were even frightened by him. And as a teenager, young Lex engineered the deaths of his parents by paying off or threatening their auto-mechanic to sabotage their automobile in order to profit from a large life insurance policy he had taken out in their names, and went on to found his own company LexCorp.

Luthor the Businessman

Lex turned the company into a multi-national corporation that would ultimately come to dominate the city of Metropolis. With it he owns every media corporation in the city and uses them to reinforce his public image as a wealthy benefactor. The one paper outlet that had always stood free was the Daily Planet. One such critic was the young reporter, and Editor In Chief, Perry White. Luthor detested White, due to his outspoken attitudes and a release by the Planet condemning his actions with an outrageous editorial signed by White himself. As a result, when Clark Kent is first inducted into the Planet, the newspaper is almost bankrupt, dilapidated, and unable to afford new reporters. Luthor made many criminal connections and industries, anything to help him rise to be the unchallenged master of Metropolis. His legitimate businesses attached to LexCorp cover a variety of enterprises ranging from telephone companies to personal gaming devices. As part of his image, Lex created the illusion of being a caring philanthropist. He became the most powerful man in Metropolis, both financially and in the world of organized crime. Lex would create havoc on the streets by selling weapons to the gangs of Metropolis and using his primarily female staff of underlings to keep blackmail files on all of the major organized crime groups in the city. Lex could use them to further any schemes he had planned. However, this all ended with the arrival of Superman.

Superman Arrives

Several months after Superman first arrived in Metropolis, terrorists attacked a society gala aboard Luthor's yacht. Lois Lane, whom Luthor had tried to romance as a ninth trophy wife some time before, was present during the attack which was stopped by Superman. Luthor tried unsuccessfully to hire Superman as a bodyguard. But when he admitted that he had known the attack was to occur and had allowed it to proceed in order to see Superman in action first hand, Mayor Berkowitz deputized Superman on the spot to arrest Luthor for reckless endangerment. He avoided prison thanks to a legal technicality, but still had to endure the humiliation of being publicly led away under arrest.

Luthor vowed to destroy Superman for this humiliation, and he has since devoted much time and energy to that goal. An early attempt led to the creation of an imperfect clone of Superman meant to destroy him, but was unsuccessful because Superman's alien DNA made the clone unstable. Luthor continued his vendetta. He was a man driven to be the best, having fought his way up from lowly beginnings by his own efforts, and was resentful of how Superman was given his powers by random fate of birth. Superman survived subsequent attempts Luthor made on his life, but he had never been able to prove Luthor's role in the attacks. Aside from Lex's immense wealth and connections, he was able to weasel his way out of trouble due to the fact that Superman, being liable as a witness, would have to reveal his true identity in court to testify against him.

Kryptonite Power

Luthor soon acquired the only known sample of Kryptonite on Earth from the kryptonite-powered cyborg Metallo, whom LexCorp abducted just before Metallo succeeded in killing Superman. Fashioning a signet ring from the alien ore deadly to Superman, Luthor began wearing it constantly to ward off his enemy. Unfortunately, Luthor suffered from severe cancer in the 1990s, caused by long-term radiation exposure to his Kryptonite ring. Later, he would find a way to protect himself from its side effects. He also discovered more than one kind of Kryptonite, which he would later use in his battles against Superman.

Faking his Own Death

Luthor's hand soon had to be amputated and replaced by a prosthetic version to prevent the cancer's spread, but unfortunately by then it had already metastasized. It was eventually determined that the disease was terminal. Luthor faked his own death shortly afterward by taking his personally designed jet, the Lexwing, on a proposed trip around the world. He crashed it in the Andes of Peru as a cover for the transplant of his brain into a healthy clone of himself which he passed off as his hitherto unknown son and heir by Dr. Gretchen Kelley, Lex Luthor II. The young Luthor had apparently been secretly raised by foster parents in Australia to protect him from his father's enemies. This deception was bolstered by his new body having a full head of red hair and a beard, as well as the appropriate Australian accent created through use of audio teaching tapes.

Send in the Clone

Luthor used his new identity as his own son to seduce Supergirl and continue to torment Superman from the shadows. However, everything quickly fell apart when Luthor's new clone body began to deteriorate and age at a rapid rate. This caused Luthor to begin to slip. Lois Lane discovered proof that Lex Luthor had murdered a female LexCorp employee and framed an innocent man for the murder years earlier. This led to Lois finding the truth about Lex faking his death and being his own son. This caused Luthor to systematically destroy Lois's life and have her fired from the Daily Planet. Lois fought back, and with help from Superman, exposed the truth about Lex Luthor, his faked death, and his evil criminal activities to the public. Luthor, right before his body became so old that he couldn't move or communicate, activated a "Doomsday Plan" to destroy Metropolis. The city was burned to the ground and thousands killed as Luthor became a permanent prisoner in his cloned body. However, aid would come in the form of the demon Neron. Luthor sold his soul in exchange for Neron restoring his body to perfect health. Returning to a rebuilt Metropolis, Luthor turned himself over to the police and was put on trial. He was acquitted of all crimes when Luthor claimed to have been kidnapped by renegade scientists who replaced him with a clone responsible for all the crimes he was charged with.

Luthor the Philanthropist

Lex Luthor had cultivated a popular image as a great philanthropist. He had been instrumental in reverse-engineering alien technology for use in general consumer goods, upgrading Metropolis into a true "City of Tomorrow." When Gotham City was destroyed by an earthquake and abandoned by the American government, it was LexCorp that took up the massive task of rebuilding the city. Later, Luthor also played an instrumental role in assisting the Justice League in recharging the sun during the Final Night storyline.

Despite his hatred for Lois Lane for temporarily bringing down his evil criminal empire, Lex Luthor has an unspoken love for her. On several occasions Luthor has commented that had Superman not arrived in Metropolis, Lex would have used his time and energy to romantically pursue Lois and marry her. He has been married eight times in his life, though the first seven marriages occurred off-panel in Luthor's past sometime before Superman showed up in Metropolis. While his previous seven marriages were hinted to have been based on love, Luthor's eighth marriage to Contessa Erica Alexandra del Portenza was a marriage that was based on mutual manipulation and greed. The Contessa had bought controlling interest in LexCorp after Luthor was exposed as evil, forcing Lex into a marriage with her in order to regain control over the company. The marriage was doomed from the beginning as the two fought constantly and never loved each other. The Contessa became pregnant with Lex's child and began using the unborn child to dominate Lex into doing her bidding. Luthor's response to the Contessa's actions was to use her desire to be unconscious during childbirth to lock her in the basement of his corporate headquarters in a permanently-drugged unconscious state. Luthor took over as a single father to his daughter and vowed never to marry again, stating that he wanted to never have to share his daughter's love with anyone else. It was later implied that Lex killed the Contessa months afterward, although no body was ever found.

President of the United States

Lex became the President of the United States, winning the election on a platform of promoting technological progresses for the common people. His first action as President was to take a proposed moratorium on fossil-based fuels to U.S. Congress in hopes of putting "a flying car in every garage". Despite Luthor's more villainous traits, he was assisted by the extreme unpopularity of the previous administration due to its mishandling of the No Man's Land crisis. Ironically, Batman would ultimately learn that Luthor was involved in the mishandling of the Gotham City rebuilding process, provoking Bruce Wayne to sever all military contract ties between the U.S. government and Wayne Enterprises. Luthor responded by ordering the murder of Batman's lover Vesper Fairchild and framing Bruce Wayne for the murder.

One of the greater successes that came with his emancipation presented itself in the form of the ultimate revelation. A CIA informant presented him with the surveillance footage of an extraterrestrial object landing near Smallville, Kansas. Wishing to keep this information personal, Lex disintegrated his lowly whitsleblower while pretending it was a mess to be cleaned up as he ruminated over the epiphany of "Clark Kent is Superman". He would soon lose this information along with any memory of extra backups of it when Manchester Black, former head of his presidential sanctioned Suicide Squad, erased it from his mind moments before committing suicide.

An early triumph of his political career was his handling of the Imperiex War, in which he coordinated the U.S. Army, Earth's superheroes and a number of untrustworthy alien forces to battle the story's villain, Imperiex. However, as it would later be revealed, Lex knew about the alien invasion in advance and did nothing to alert Earth's heroes to it.

Impeachment

Lex Luthor finally accepted Superman's secret identity as Clark Kent. He had been aware of this from their earliest meetings but refused to accept it for his own personal belief that people of power always crave and reflect themselves as people of power, never as one of the masses. Thus, to Luthor, a being like Superman would never try and pass himself off as Clark Kent who was less than extraordinary. In a story published in 2002, a lowly scientist was able to get a meeting with Lex and reveal top secret government documents showing the rocket containing baby Superman crashing near the farm of Martha and Jonathan Kent. Killing the scientist, Lex surprisingly decided to keep the knowledge a secret. He did so regardless that Clark Kent took the fall for Lois publishing proof that Lex Luthor knew of the alien invasion of "Our Worlds At War," but had opted not to make any defensive plans to save the people of Kansas from attack. Clark was fired from the Daily Planet as a result of Manchester Black using his telepathic powers on an unknowing Lex to allow him to pass an assortment of lie detector tests to prove that Lois and Clark's story was a lie. When Manchester Black tried to kill Superman and his friends and family, Luthor came to Superman's aid. He admitted that he had kept Superman's identity as Clark Kent secret both out of a sense of nostalgia for their past confrontations and the knowledge that revealing the truth about Superman would endanger Lois, nearly the only woman he cared for. In the end, Manchester Black was defeated and as revenge for Lex helping Superman defeat him, Black erased all knowledge that Clark Kent was Superman from Lex's mind before taking his own life.

Later, as his success at framing Bruce Wayne for the murder of Vesper Fairchild caused him to get arrogant, Luthor once again overplayed his hand in an attempt to blame Superman for a kryptonite meteor approaching the Earth. Initially convinced that everyone would listen to his claims against Superman simply because he was President despite his failure to produce any evidence of Superman's 'guilt', he instead raised questions about himself as Superman and Batman uncovered a plot of Luthor's to further torment Batman that involved tricking Batman into thinking that Metallo was the man who killed Batman's parents. In desperation, he used a variant combination of the "super-steroid" Venom, liquid synthetic green kryptonite, and an Apokaliptian battlesuit to battle Superman directly. Unfortunately, the madness that is a side effect of Venom took hold, and he revealed his true colors during the battle. The final straw was the revelation that Talia Head, the acting CEO of LexCorp, had sold all the company assets to the Wayne Foundation. He has since gone underground, leaving the Presidency to his Vice President, Pete Ross.

Infinite Crisis

Lex Luthor had retreated into obscurity before the events of Infinite Crisis, as he prepared to try and activate the mind control programming inside the brain of then current Superboy to help him gain revenge against Earth's mightiest heroes. He was also revealed to have orchestrated, with help from the newly created robotic Brainiac, the murder of Teen Titan member Donna Troy, who is destined to play a critical role in "Infinite Crisis". He's also been carefully surveying the new Supergirl, and has plans for her involving his newly-acquired Black Kryptonite.

With Lex Luthor acting in secret, Alexander Luthor, Jr. returned to New Earth and began his own plot that was interfering with Lex's own plans. Assuming the Post-Crisis Lex Luthor's identity, Alexander began an elaborate scheme, with help from Superboy-Prime and Kal-L, to restore the original Multiverse. His intentions were not just to recreate them as they once were, but as the basis of his ultimate goal, as he told Superboy-Prime that he would help them "whether [he] likes it or not".

As one of the premier reformers of the "Secret Society of Super-Villains", Alexander Luthor, Jr. recruited Black Adam, Doctor Psycho, Calculator, Talia Head, and Deathstroke as his inner circle. The new Society exploited the villain community's fear of mind-wipes at the hands of the Justice League as a means to recruit an army of villains under the premise of creating their own "mind-wipe" device to erase the memories of Earth's heroes as payback. However, this was just another cover for his even darker scheme involving the kidnapping of heroes, each representing alternate Earths, to power the giant tower being used to alter reality. Alexander Luthor, Jr., formerly of Earth-Three, had decided to restore the previously existing multiverse as a base selection to create a so-called "perfect" universe, as the current reality seemed to be failing. It was, in Alexander Luthor, Jr.'s own words, " a world of villains". Abandoned by his allies, Alex Jr. was depowered, due to the villains that Lex assembled under his alias of Mockingbird. Lex tracked down the supposedly depowered Alex Jr. and allowed the Joker to kill him in a fit of revenge.

Lex used Alex's corpse as evidence that he had an impostor who was responsible for all his recent illegal activities. He was cleared of many of the criminal actions he was accused of.

Post Infinite Crisis Origin

The events of Infinite Crisis and Alex Luthor's attempts to rewrite history actually led to alterations in Lex Luthor's personal history. In the newly created time line, the current Luthor family has a long history with the city of Metropolis. Some of Lex's ancestors were among the pilgrims who founded the city, others were amongst the Native Americans who were there to meet them. Over the centuries, the Luthor family became wealthy and influential. Lex's great-grandfather Wallace Luthor being a millionaire industrialist at the beginning of the 20th Century. He lost his fortune though, in the stock market crash of 1929, and went to his grave a pauper after having to declare bankruptcy. The family fortune would not be rebuilt until the arrival of Lex Luthor, the son of abusive alcoholic Lionel Luthor and his wife Letitia. Lex cared little for his parents, though he did love his sister Lena. In his teens, he lived for a time in Smallville with his aunt, also called Lena, and there met the young Clark Kent and his friends Lana Lang and Pete Ross. The stand-offish and superior Lex was friendly with Clark for a time, but eventually left Smallville under a cloud of suspicion after his father died in mysterious circumstances. Leaving his sister in Smallville, Lex went to Metropolis and, as before, founded LexCorp.

Superman Arrives (Again)

In this new timeline, Luthor's first meeting with Superman was also somewhat different. As part of his philanthropic image, Luthor had taken to picking a random person from the supplicants who gathered at LexCorp's gates every morning to bestow the chance of a new life upon them. His choice on this occasion, though, was Rudy Jones who, after eating a doughnut contaminated by an unknown radioactive chemical compound, was transformed into the Parasite. Superman stopped the Parasite's rampage, overshadowing Luthor and infuriating him. Lex contacted General Sam Lane, who was convinced Superman was a threat, and informed him that Superman was an alien. He transformed one of Lane's men, Sgt John Corben, into Metallo and sent him out after Superman. However, Metallo was defeated and Superman, previously an object of suspicion in the city, feted as a hero. When Luthor came to bestow his gifts on a grateful populace the next day, no-one was there. Lex was no longer the most powerful man in Metropolis. This cemented Lex's lifelong hatred of the Man of Steel. Eventually, as before, Luthor went from hero of the people to public enemy number one.

52

Through his still impressive financial resources, Lex has engaged in a public promotion campaign to regain his popularity through the Everyman Project, a scientific process that could grant superhuman powers to non-metahumans. The first several subjects of his process became the latest incarnation of Infinity, Inc. Luthor's own body, however, was not compatible with the process, a fact which pained him greatly.

When newly minted meta-humans began falling out of the sky, the media-dubbed Fall Of The Supermen, Luthor's building was attacked by John Henry Irons and his niece. Steel confronted Luthor and was beaten, Lex having discovered a way to gain meta-powers of his own. Lex was still defeated, however, and arrested. It was later found that the Lex that was imprisoned was, in fact, Everyman. Lex was found in a hidden room still inside the Lexcorp building.

One Year Later and Countdown

One year after the events of Infinite Crisis, Luthor had been cleared of over 120 criminal counts ranging from malfeasance to first-degree murder relating to the New Year's Eve massacre from 52. However, his role in the massacre has permanently ruined his public image and, thanks to the machinations of Doctor Sivana, has lost most of his wealth and all of his control over his newly reformed LexCorp, run by Lana Lang. He blames Clark Kent for writing several articles unraveling his schemes and pledges vengeance on Metropolis after an angry mob jeers him on the courthouse steps. After amassing large quantities of Kryptonite, and kidnapping the supervillains Metallo and Kryptonite Man, Lex uses it to power a Kryptonian battleship controlled through a "sunstone" crystal, using it to lash out at Metropolis for 'forgetting' him. While giant crystal formations began to appear throughout the ground, Superman tried to save as many people as he could and find the source of the attack. He found Lex high above the city in a ship made of the crystal where he was controlling it all from. Lex turned all of the crystal into kryptonite, forcing Superman to stay away from Metropolis and the ship, but he didn't count on Superman charging him. Superman knew Luthor would have some form of personal shielding and was right as they both fell down towards the ground. Luthor had time to say one thing: “I hate you. So much.” Superman was again powerless and Luthor's shield was weak when they struck the ground. They both arose weak and injured, and Lex began to fist-fight with Superman. With each traded punch, Lex spoke of how if Superman hadn't arrived on Earth and came to Metropolis, he would have made so many scientific breakthroughs instead of trying to come up with ways to destroy him, claiming that it was all Superman's fault that Lex wasn't the top of the food chain anymore. Superman countered with the fact that he had been away for an entire year, yet Luthor had accomplished none of these things he claimed he could have done, simply finding a big machine so that he could break things. The fight ended with Superman victorious.

Luthor was subsequently abducted from prison and drafted in Project 7734 under General Lane. He had hopes of using the project to fulfill his goals against Superman, but Lane had been keeping him on topic.

Lex later sends Bizarro after the newly arrived "Superboy" only for the creature to be defeated by Superman. Undaunted, Luthor gathers together a new Revenge Squad to fight against invading Kryptonians led by General Zod, working alongside Superman only so that Superman can see that Luthor was right about the threat he poses to Earth.

In JLA, Luthor gathers together a new "Injustice League" and, outfitted in a new version of his warsuit, sets out to destroy the Justice League with them. On a related note during this section, he was responsible for creating the third Shaggy Man and the third Blockbuster.

Luthor plays a large role in the Countdown to Final Crisis tie-in event, Salvation Run. Having been sent to the prison planet after his Injustice League was defeated, Lex quickly assumes control of the amassed villains. He received competition only from Joker and Gorilla Grodd, who convince half of the villains to join them. He does fight the Joker until the battle was interrupted by an attack by Desaad's Parademons. After the attack, Luthor manages to get the villains off the planet with a makeshift teleporter, secretly powered by Neutron, Heatmonger, Plasmus, Warp, Thunder and Lightning. When called a "monster" by Thunder, Luthor claims it is the ones who sent them there who are the real monsters, and that he is the hero. He later sets the teleporter to self-destruct after he uses it, killing the attacking Parademons, and his living batteries.

Final Crisis

Luthor associated with Libra's Secret Society of Super Villains and placed in its Inner Circle. Lex Luthor wanted Libra to prove himself, so Libra sends Clayface to blow up the Daily Planet building. As Lex Luthor attempts to ambush Libra after learning that he is a prophet of Darkseid, Luthor soon ends up surrounded by Justifiers. Libra tells Lex Luthor to make a final choice... swear an oath to Darkseid or become a mindless slave. Later, Lex Luthor witnessed Libra blaming Calculator for cracking the computer codes that will help the resistance. Luthor was silent on the matter and was picked to lead the rearguard action against the heroes at Blüdhaven. He assumed it as an honor, but he didn't look very pleased. A short time later, Libra figured out that Luthor had been the mole in the Society of Supervillains. Luthor, in league with Doctor Sivana, seemingly destroyed Libra and overturned the Anti-Life Equation being broadcast into the Justifiers' helmets.

New Krypton

Luthor ended up imprisoned for his crimes, but rather than going to jail, General Sam Lane had him serve out his sentence working for the secretive Project 7734. While still forced to wear chains, Luthor was assigned the job of accessing the knowledge stored within the captured Brainiac who had recently been defeated by Superman. Luthor successfully accessed Brainiac's brain and after Metallo and Reactron were taken to Kandor as prisoners of the Kryptonians who had now settled on Earth, he used Brainiac to reactivate the Coluans ship that was also being held in Kandor. Brainiac's robots attacked the Kryptonians, providing a distraction as Metallo and Reactron used their Kryptonite hearts to kill their captors and murder Zor-El.

After his success with Brainiac, Luthor was given the seemingly dead body of Doomsday, who had been defeated by the Kryptonians, to study as it had “potential.”

Luthor later manages to use Brainiac's connection to his ship to kill the soldiers assigned to watch him. Brainiac manages to free himself from Luthor's control, forcing him onboard the ship, and the two make their escape. The two are later shown to have entered into an alliance, with Brainiac promising Luthor the Earth when he is done with it. While reading newspapers to catch up on what happened during his imprisonment, Luthor learns of the resurrection of Superboy.

Blackest Night

During the Blackest Night event, when word gets out that apparently everyone around the world are rising as undead Black Lanterns, Luthor isolates himself in his safehouse in fear of all the people he had murdered over the years seeking revenge on him. In Blackest Night Vol 1 6, it is seen that Luthor is being attacked in his safehouse by Black Lanterns, including his father. An Orange Lantern Ring arrives and attaches itself to Luthor, inducting him into the Orange Lantern Corps as a deputy member, only for him to attack Scarecrow and Mera to claim their Yellow Lantern Corps ring and Red Lantern Ring before his own was taken from him by Larfleeze, the only true member of the Orange Lantern Corps, who subsequently dismissively dropped Luthor in front of the other Lanterns.

Brightest Day

After the conclusion of the New Krypton event, Luthor grew more aggressive for the lust for power after his exposure to a power ring during the Blackest Night. After being infused with the Orange Light of Avarice, Luthor begins a universal quest to locate the energy of the Black Lantern Corps.

During the midst of the Brightest Day, Deathstroke and his new team of Titans are hired to assassinate Luthor while he is visiting Midway City with Nava Mendelssohn, his new personal assistant and bodyguard. When the Titans ambush Lex's convoy and begin killing his hired mercenaries, Nava takes him into the sewers, where she is shot and apparently killed by Deathstroke. It is then revealed that Luthor himself had paid the Titans to fake an attempt on his life, in hopes that it would draw out conspirators within LexCorp. Nava's injuries soon heal, and she reveals herself to be a shapeshifter named Facade, who had murdered and impersonated the real Nava in order to get close enough to Lex to kill him. After a massive battle, Deathstroke and Osiris are able to defeat Facade and turn him over to Lex. In the end, LexCorp scientists are shown performing experiments on the captured Facade. Luthor assembles his staff and reveals that he knows that it was one of his employees who had hired the creature in the first place. Luthor warns them not to try such a tactic again, as he will turn them into his next morbid experiment if they do.

With the aid of a robotic duplicate of Lois Lane created to give him an honest opinion on his actions, Luthor searched for the energy of the Black Lantern in space. In doing so he sent Doomsday 'clones' created from the original to distract Earth's heroes. There Luthor encountered Brainiac in while attempting to alter the last of the Black Lantern energy, acting upon an unspoken theory of his. Brainiac revealed that Loisbot was an unwilling pawn in his bid to hijack Luthor's quest. Luthor then replied that he had anticipated this for some time, he then attacked Brainiac and snapped his neck, temporarily incapacitating him. Loisbot pleaded for Lex's forgivness, and he accepted her apology. After he altered the four remaining black spheres, he opened a Phantom Zone portal which unleashed an extremely powerful, monstrously large being which intended to kill all life in the universe because the negative emotions of sentient creatures hurt it. Luthor promptly impaled Loisbot's head, allowing himself to be infected with Kryptonian technology. He used it to engage the monster on a mental plane of existence. Grappling with the creature, Luthor's body and mental essence suddenly fused with it. Luthor learned that it evolved in the Phantom Zone and now seeks to escape from the grief and anger of the Zone prisoners. Using this new power, Luthor draws Superman to him, attempting to drive Superman mad by forcing him to experience the human emotions that he believes the alien merely fakes to blend in. However, Luthor is outraged when he learns that Superman's defining moment of tragedy is the loss of his father, confirming his true identity as Clark Kent. Being unable to cope with the fact that not only was his greatest enemy an old associate who was raised by humans, but he also had a father he would actually mourn rather than the anguish Luthor endured in his own relationship with his father. As Luthor becomes one with the creature, Superman and Mr. Mind, who had been aiding Luthor's search, realize that the creature allows Luthor to create a feeling of peace and bliss throughout the entire universe at the cost of never allowing him to cause any harm to another being at the same time. Superman attempts to appeal to Luthor about the potential of doing something even he never accomplished, but Luthor is unable to let go of his hate for Superman, his subsequent attack costing him control of the entity, as well as his memory of everything he learned or did while he was merged with it. It departs for another part of the universe. Luthor is ultimately defeated when he falls into one of the Phantom Zone holes created by the creature, seemingly forever.

Fun Facts

In addition to the details of Luthor's early life and upbringing having been changed somewhat by the events of Infinite Crisis, his hair color has also changed. In the former timeline, he had red hair, but the current Luthor's hair was brown. Since his hair eventually receded leaving him bald in both versions of his history, this is largely unimportant.

Lex's birthday is often given as September 28th.

Lex Luthor self-identifies as an atheist.

Luthor wears reading glasses, as shown in "Metropolis - 900 Mi."

[paperspell]

Kingdom Hearts || Three Half Promises

Rating: Teens and up

@mimiplaysgames and @lyssala deserve all the attention for being such great beta readers and even more amazing writers. Please check out their work!

Summary: A character study of Aqua and Terra from childhood to adulthood

Chapter 3: A heart that is stronger still | Lend me your strength, and I’ll lend you mine

"Pond lilies, mud and moss all indicate whether or not water is close at hand," Eraqus explains, as he stands nearby a thick stream that cuts through the forest. He points at the rocks nearby, all covered with green moss, then at the grass wet with dew, and finally at the mud, slick on his student's shoes.

Today the three of them take a detour outside of the familiar mountain path and down the slope, nearer to the woods. So far Eraqus has shown Terra and Aqua how to read the terrain, everything from different types of rocks to plants to trees. Depending on what is spotted, location becomes an easy thing to figure out.

The two students follow him through the woods, momentarily stopping whenever a thought occurs to Eraqus that is imperative to share. Most of their lessons are like that, and Aqua has grown accustom to his offhand teachings – they're like streams, branching out in different directions, but eventually coming back and merging together within banks of water.

"Some worlds are without people or towns, just open wilderness. In fact, I've encountered a world full of just animals, and had even banded together with a handful of lions." Eraqus grins as both Aqua and Terra gape in wonderment at the statement. "But that's a story for another time. The reason why you must remember these tips is that remote worlds hold dangers of their own, even if they are not strictly physical…"

Days in which they go exploring are, in Aqua's opinion, the best. They get to wander around freely, taking in the grass and clear blue sky. So far, they have crossed a narrow path behind the underside of a waterfall, seen flocks of geese and hummingbirds fly off, and smelled the sweet fragrances of honeysuckle lingering in the air. She learns new things that she didn't consider of much consequence before. Dirt is just dirt, at least until the Master makes it so much more. Living in a world with mountains and steep cliffs is tricky, and Eraqus proceeds on telling his students the dangers of landslides as well as how to spot them and endure the worst-case scenario.

Every time they go for a trip to acquaint themselves with survival or wilderness tidbits, Aqua finds herself yearning to cross beyond what they have already explored. However, no matter how close, they never leave the road Eraqus leads them with – by the end of the afternoon, they always go back to the castle, where the Master directs them to books on plant life (what is edible, what cures ailments, and what can knock you out for good if you aren't too careful), water cycles, and rocks. It's dry reading, every single one, and Aqua's fairly certain she's the only one who bothers to flip through them.

The nights go by, far too short for her to cover everything at once. Although the funny thing is, almost all that she has read circles back to Kingdom Hearts, whatever it is – she still hasn't got a clean grasp of it. She drills and drills until some names sticks, some constellations clear up to finally become actual patterns. Terra becomes silent during their lessons, giving her the opportunity to reply to Eraqus' open questions. Though, given the gleam in his eyes, Aqua is certain that he knows the answer. He's holding back, almost as if gauging her knowledge in comparison to his. This would be alright, if only it didn't interfere with her own studies.

Recently, whenever she makes her way to the library after dinner, the books she's been meaning to take out are gone.

The fourteenth day since Aqua's arrival in the Land of Departure is a momentous one – it's her first lesson with Eraqus on swordplay. While they have been steadily working their way to that point with various other exercises, she could not be satisfied any longer, not when compared to Terra, who is still sparring on his own. She watches his movements just as before but limits herself in case he becomes too aware.

The two students and the Master head over to the summit on a hot afternoon, a stash of potions and protective gear at hand. She is to observe at the sideline first, while Eraqus and Terra set up to spar. As Eraqus points out, it will ease her into her very own first battle. Once Terra fastens the last of his gear, the two of them circle each other, wooden swords at the ready.

After a moment's deliberation, the student springs onward with a straight thrust, easily deflected by a downward swing from the Master. Terra leaps back, before making his way under Eraqus' arm, trying to get closer to his target. Eraqus reads this too, and merely sidesteps as Terra wavers to and fro, looking for some kind of opening. Eventually, Terra unleashes a wave of sharp jabs, each met with parries of equal measure from Eraqus.

With one small step, the Master pushes Terra back with the strike of his own, sending the boy back a couple of paces.

Terra's lips curl as he shifts his feet, away from a brace to a more sprint-like stance. He jets back to the Master with speed Aqua hasn't seen him use before. The tip of his blade hits the flat of Eraqus' sword. The Master looks on, amused.

"A sliding dash. Not bad," Eraqus chuckles, "but not quite, Terra."

In an instant, Eraqus hits the base of Terra's weapon, and with a quick twist he brings the sword to the ground with a wooden clatter.

"Shall we try again?"

"Yes," Terra huffs. "Yes Master."

This goes on for a bit longer, each time with Terra on the offense and Eraqus on the defense. The boy is openly gasping now, sweat dripping down his chin. It hasn't been more than half an hour, but given his movements, the constant leg work and swings are finally wearing him down. Eraqus, on the other hand, is perfectly fine. Other than the occasional dodge, the Master's footwork never strays past his fix position, making it all too easy for him to rest as he brushes off his student's barrage.

"My boy, your swings are too wide, and so is your stance. If you want to keep fighting in such a way, you must find a solution to keep your defenses up. Otherwise–"

Eraqus pulls back, then lunges at the boy with a slap to his torso on the flat of his blade. Terra doubles over, sinking to the ground.

"Do you yield?"

"Not – not yet…" Terra's eyes are gleaming fiercely. He's smirking.

"As much as I appreciate that sort of determination," Eraqus says, "I do believe you have to back down this time Terra."

"Huh?" Terra frowns. "Why?"

"Well, simply put, it's Aqua's turn."

They both spin to face her. She gulps.

Terra eyes widen with realization before he dips his head to look bitterly at the ground. By the looks of it, he's forgotten completely that she was even there. Aqua shuffles forward to meet with Eraqus, as Terra stalks back to the side to apply potion on his newly formed bruises.

Eraqus shows her the fundamental basics; how to strike, to block, to parry, and even how to stand right. He lets her practice getting a few hits in, stopping to guide her hands with the correct motion.

"Do not hesitate with your attacks. Always try to hit quickly, that way your opponent will have a harder time seeing through it."

He does not say much on her blocks. He gives a few experimental strikes, each of which she catches.

"You have excellent reflexes. Good. Now, let's test them to battle."

Aqua and Eraqus part the same distance as he and Terra did, beginning with a slow circle. She tries to be as cautious as ever; her stance is more closed than Terra's and she holds out her geared left arm in case she has to block early. Eraqus studies her, waiting for her to make the first move, but she holds out. She figures maybe it'll be best if she waits for him. After all, in Standard Techniques of Swords and Shields, it states the best way to get to know your foe's attack patterns is to study them first.

"Not attacking?" Eraqus questions, before giving a thoughtful hmm. "Then I suppose I'll go first."

He rushes in with speed that is far superior than that of his pupil. Aqua barely had time to lift her sword up to block it.

"A sliding dash…!" she exclaims.

He's directly in front of her, but her sword is ready–

Eraqus fakes a right, then swoops over to hit her left. She parries just in time, but he leaves no room to breathe. He keeps pushing, forcing her to take a step back each time. Her defense is chipping away every second, and she is fumbling because she doesn't have enough time to protect herself, let alone retaliate. Fear, which presence was at first subtle enough, now grips at her completely.

The Master senses her unease but does not let up. He disarms her just as he did with Terra, all of this happening under a minute. The wooden sword scrapes her palm as it leaves her hand, scorching it red. Aqua squeaks in pain, about to grab her potion to gloss it over when Eraqus stops her.

"You may want to save that," he warns. "Our battle is far from over, and I assure you, there will be many other injuries in the future. One of the crucial parts of training is to build a tolerance for pain. Now, are you ready to go again?"

Her hand still stings, among the other jabs the Master made as he poked through the holes of her defense. This…isn't very fun. The flashy, astonishing combat is different now that she's on the receiving end. Aqua wants time to halt, to give her a chance to catch her breath, or maybe just say no, but she hasn't a moment to dwell. Eraqus is readying his stance, and she could see Terra a few yards away, clearly unimpressed by her performance.

Hadn't she known, or rather, expected there to be something like this when she left Radiant Garden? She grew too enraptured by the promise of being a Keyblade Master that she forgot – incredibly and irrationally – how she has to work for it.

Eraqus continues to give her a verbal lesson on how to properly spar as they go on. She dodges his rush, tripping on occasion. "Keep an even distribution of weight on each leg," he says, weaving through and landing a blow. "Deflect more!" Another hit. "Guard with your armor, not your hand." And another.

By time Aqua is allowed a break, she is throbbing all over – although, she is sure her bruises are no worse than Terra's. She uses only half her potion, whereas he used all of it from his flask. As she uncaps the cork, it transforms from a liquid state to a light mist that showers her body. The pain dulls, swept by a cooling sensation. The cuts look fainter, the wounds and scrapes are closing up.

Terra splashes water on his face from a pond back at the pathway, which seems like a good idea, but she figures if she were to try the same thing, he would shoot her an accusatory glare. Eraqus sits on a bench by the other side of the summit, looking as pensive as ever.

"Sheer opposites in fighting…" he mumbles. "How curious…"

After some deliberation, he calls his two students over.

"When it comes to combat, the best way to strengthen your move set is to practice with different people, that way your combinations don't get stale." Eraqus moves his head to face Terra and Aqua in equal measure. She has an uneasy feeling with what that implies, and so does Terra.

"But Master," Terra cries, already indignant. "I can't train with her, we're on completely different levels–"

"And that is precisely why, my boy." Eraqus says, waving away the boy's protest. "Aqua needs to improve to match you in the future. You will find what you can learn from each other holds as much value as what I can teach. Don't forget – it is very likely that both of you will serve as each other's partners and companions, even as Masters."

Terra is chewing the side of his cheek, fiercely trying to come up with a counter argument. His train of thought is completely lost, however, when Aqua speaks up.

"Sir, I agree with Terra. I don't want to – er, I mean, I think it's best if I train with you. For the basics."

The moment this leaves her mouth is the moment Aqua knows how much of a mistake she's made. Eraqus looks at both of his students in a way that she's sure he is taking note of the distance which they are standing apart from each other – of how Terra is scowling, no matter how hard he's trying to hide it, and putting it together with her defiant outburst.

"Before either of you say anymore, I would like for you to cross blades before you cross judgement with me. Try before you resist something that's new. If you don't have a measure of strength outside of your own, it will be difficult to gain any improvement, I assure you." Eraqus claps his hands together. "Now, make your way to the center and begin."

The finality of his orders could not be disputed. The two students head over as instructed and begin circling each other. Aqua keeps a steady grip on her sword and puts most of her weight on her back foot, in case she has to leap back from his charge. Sure enough, Terra makes the first move and attacks, as she correctly predicts, to her left. A sharp whap echoes as their wooden swords connect.

Terra wastes no time in pushing her back after that; Aqua recoils as he advances with each lunge. The match is going on too similarly to what she had with Eraqus, and if she doesn't do anything fast, it will end the same as well. She tries a few strikes back, but her handling of the sword is clumsy, and Terra easily knocks them aside.

Terra is neither as fast nor strong as Eraqus, so this should have been easier. However, he has the leverage of stamina over her, and Aqua can't keep blocking him forever. The swings he makes are much quicker face to face, and her deflects are weaker now, even if she can read his moves. Every breath is costing her, and there is an ever-growing stitch at her side.

With a surprise sliding dash and upper strike, her sword goes sailing over her head. She gasps, barely registering what has happened. Terra brings his weapon down to his side.

The spar ends well below a ten-minute mark. Aqua hurries over to pick up her sword. Through the curtains of her hair, she expects to see Terra sport a subtle gloat, maybe with the slight curve of his lips only she could tell, carefully hidden from the Master. However, much to her surprise, Terra is neither proud nor smug over his victory. The boy merely looks onward, unamused and almost bored, as his gaze drifts past her to survey their Master. Shame settles in the pit of Aqua's stomach. She hasn't been anything to him, not even someone worth fighting...

The afternoon wanes to dusk, and they go for a few more rounds until Eraqus beckons them to stop. By the end of it, Aqua has not produced a single win.

"It is as I expected," Eraqus nods. "Regardless, excellent work, the both of you."

The Master goes on to make suggestions of their form and technique, but Aqua doesn't hear any of it. Nothing is more pressing at this point than her constant losses, of being dismissed as nothing more than a chore. Her face burns as she keeps quiet while the lesson concludes, dimly aware that Eraqus suggests for them to head back to the castle.

When the three of them leave the summit, she finds that her arms, tired and sore, can barely hold the now incredible weight of her sword.

After her evening chores that night, Aqua stays by the forecourt for some time before she has to retire back to bed. Whereas she would normally work through these hours with the certain zeal of catching up to Eraqus' expectation, and perhaps overtaking Terra along the way, tonight she feels as lost as she did when she discovered what really was in the treasure room. She stares listlessly at the stars, unable to pick at where Radiant Garden should be.

"Sorry you guys," she whispers under her arms as she curls up. "I'm not as good as you thought I was."

She plans to sulk the whole night away, but it seems that it isn't an option. No sooner had she decided this did the doors of the castle creaks open, and out comes Eraqus. She stands up, hastily wiping the grass stains from her seat, only for him to wave her actions away and plunk down close to where she sat before. She eases back to the ground, trying to keep the glum from her face.

"How brilliantly the stars shine tonight," Eraqus hums. "I find that looking at them brings me a great deal of comfort. They remind me of where I have been and where I hope to go."

Eraqus begins listing the constellations, providing a brief review to their astronomy lessons a few days prior. He prompts her to answer, and slowly but surely, she is able to find her old home. At first, she exclaims with joy, having found it at last among the cluster, but her voice falters, and suddenly, Aqua is overcome by a horrible realization – unlike Eraqus, there is no place for her to hope to go except home.

With what has happened today, she's blotched his impression on her by revealing how poorly she could handle a sword. Did he come out then, to tell her that there has been a mistake? That she is no longer worthy if she is nowhere close to the strength of his first pupil, so why bother? Her lips tremble as she tries to form her next words.

"Should I pack right away sir?" she blurts out, before fear renders her mute.

"Aqua, what do you mean?" Eraqus asks, puzzled at the change in their conversation.

"I mean that I lost." Aqua droops her head down to her knees. "Not just once, but like, every match. I'm no good at this even if I do summon a Keyblade. And even Terra hasn't managed to do that yet, so there's no chance I could. You're going to send me back home, right?"

Eraqus takes a moment to digest her worries. Then he lets out a full laugh.

"My dear," he says, after the delight has worn off. "There is no sense in taking you back. This is your home now."

"But sir, I – I've lost to Terra–"

"Yes, and Terra has lost to me," Eraqus states matter-of-factly. "If it's all in the matter of who wins and who losses, then – forgive me if I am being too callous – but I will always champion. At least until time allows."

She blinks. "That's because you're a Master..."

"But I was not always. I started off as a student, just the same as you two, if not a bit older in age. It is through practice things get easier. Terra has only honed his skills this far because of that, and still he has ways to go. You can usually tell by shape of a person's hands."

Eraqus lifts his own for her to see. Shining in the moonlight is the rough texture of his palms. Timidly, she presses her own smooth hand to lay on top of his, feeling out every millimeter of calluses. Although not exactly withered or old, his hand gives a sense of fine age and experience, brought out by its harden texture. When he closes his eyes, that scar etched on his face stretches, making its presence known when she least expects it.

"You see, regardless of how much we win or lose, that alone does not determine our greatness. It is our ability to preserve and hold on to what we define as victory that matters more. For example, I make it my lasting duty to teach and bestow those with talent to unlock their heart's desire. Terra strives to be the mightiest of all." He pauses. "And what about you?"

"I want," she says, swallowing thickly, "I want to become a Keyblade Master."

"And no doubt you will," Eraqus says, then a bit jokingly, "so long as you don't cry for your old home after every defeat."

She sighs through her nose, the corner of her lips lifting. "Do you think so, Mr. Eraqus sir?"

"I? Of course," Eraqus says, without a hint of doubt. "I believe you have the splendid makings of a worthy Keybearer. But you don't have to take my word, or rather, anyone else's to believe that."

It's unspoken, but she's sure she knows who Eraqus is referring to. Again, the gloominess returns, but this time it is accompanied by a twinge of annoyance. Even if they achieve the goal of becoming Masters themselves in the future, Aqua can't bring herself to see Terra as a partner, especially if he doesn't even see her as an equal. Something about Eraqus' statement hints to the fact he knows of their strain, and he seems to consider a moment before telling her the truth.

"Aqua, would you like to hear a story?"

"Yes sir," she says, wondering if it's a lesson only disguised as so.

"To be honest, it's not a happy one," Eraqus huffs, "but it's important all the more."

Eraqus looks upwards to the sky, his face hardening so that any signs of merriment from before has vanished.

"It was a few years ago, back when I had no students. During my search, one of my colleagues gave warning to me about a certain distress happening where he was. He asked for my help, thoroughly connecting our hearts so I can travel straightaway to him, past all the stars and the worlds. I was enveloped with light, and in that instant, I understood – I was making my way to a world that was in danger of being snuff out. Completely."

Aqua heard a gasp. At first, she is startled, having no idea where it came from, then realizing it was her who made the sound.

"When I got there, I saw no sign of my friend. All I saw was a surge of those dark creatures, shadows overtaking the land. You see, the world was already spent. Its light was not strong enough for the intruders. Where the darkness came from was a mystery. Despite all that, I witnessed something remarkable – I found a boy on a collapsing world. It was falling to darkness, and as it was, he nearly fell alongside it.

"Out of all the children I've seen, he possessed the strongest light by far. Unfortunately, the brightest light often cast the longest shadow. The creatures followed him until the very end. I was able to pull him out, but I regret...well, he did not leave the world unscathed. Darkness struck his hand, and try as I might, my magic has no cure for that.

"I imagine his parents and the other residents have found refuge elsewhere. However, we have no way of knowing for sure, with all the other uncharted worlds existing. Still, I do hope..."

The Master left that sentence hanging in the air, and this time Aqua really didn't know what to say. There was sadness in his voice, and maybe a little bit of wistfulness too.

It's very, very late by now. They both get up from the grass and head back to the castle. As Aqua is about to head off to her bedroom on the opposite wing, Eraqus stops her to tell one more thing before he retires himself.

"Terra has seen and bore witness to many things. He went from a place of darkness and came out of it at a very tender age." Eraqus says. "And so, I hope it is not too much of me to ask for you to still be kind to him. Strong hearts need support from stronger hearts still, my dear."

"Yes Master." She says, and bows to Eraqus, just as Terra would have.

As she makes her way to her room, she could see Terra's just a few paces away. His door is closed, but underneath she could see faint light emitting from the gap. She wonders if he's still working through those books he managed to swipe from under her nose, or perhaps he's carving out something from the wood blocks with knives, as she saw from her first day – the only time she was able to see his room.

She knows about privacy, had even wanted more than that the orphanage could give. But still, there ought to be something greater to a person other than locked rooms and muted expressions.

As she falls to slumber, thinking about all that Eraqus had told her, she figures out the boy across the hall better, if just a little bit. Maybe it's no surprise that he is sullen and detached. Was he scared when it happened? When everything he knew was falling? When he was falling?

Questions upon questions. Aqua could feel sleep trying to claim her before long, the sensation akin to her mind dropping fast but still holding on to a precious thought – a wonder more accurately, of when Terra will finally open the door.

[floramela]

Saturn in the 1st House - Captive Child in the Time Capsule “I come to call you Home. I have come to call you away from suffering, from fear and from a life of sorrow and into your own, divine Being. You must win your Self back. Wisdom and trust will be your compass. I know the voice that called you is true and Truth and that where you are being called to is also Real” - Mooji Saturn in the 1st seem to be born in a state of “shell shock” and may endure many years confined in this state. Now, if you want to know what it’s like to feel dead while being alive, this may be a condition that imitates that sensation, turning the inner and outer world into an icy numb void and sometimes feigning as sleep paralysis or wakefulness like being buried alive. There may be an inherent, unspoken longing to run away, but through whatever means necessary the voice inside that she is trying to evade is impossible to escape. This is a late bloomer. It takes many years for the ancient spirit to come to grips with its human attributes. The individual can feel old before her time, disconnected and incapable of relating to peers her own age as a child and then experiencing the sense of loss or grief for this period as an adult. Self-reliance is a necessary survival tool. It may have been ‘fake it until you make it,’ and vital to imitate confidence and confidence, it’s also possible that she sustains this adaptive skill into adulthood. Defences are built early in life and anybody who intrudes to tear these down is only barricaded further away. There is the forces of the Crone Goddess waiting to radiate through a physical interface substantial, confident, and authentic enough to contain this supreme energy. The power of this condition are the depths scoured and searched within the self that generate the tremendous evolutionary change, and only within this self is that great wisdom acquired. These descents are set in motion by the angels of death that follow her in daily life, sending their omens in every form that something she is holding onto inside must die. She is forced through isolation, exile, and heartbreak to wake the inner alchemist. This is typically quite a private person who may prefer to stay out of sunlight, suffer skin troubles during stress, and possibly also muscle tension, soreness upon waking, and knee trauma. Sometimes she catches her reflection and can see the woman who has grown through the flames into the powerful and prestigious figure, but sometimes she looks into the mirror with a skeleton staring back, a child lost and eaten alive by the world out there. This nature is a conserver, and the past is secure. The paradox in this is that the past is also a catchment of memories, suffering, and experiences that she comes to identify herself with. The Grim Reaper can hover because the past is dead, and yet she carries it with her. Another element may be the negative self-image that resigns her into accepting a life of suffering or that she does not deserve to let go. As a child, she may have longed to grow into adulthood so that she would be free from her vulnerability, reliance, and exposure to harm and betrayal. It is extremely difficult to dissociate her identity from the father’s influence and general existence. This can result from the conditioned expectation, or to resist and act in the opposite way to defy it. In both circumstances, the individual is still at hostage to her past. The harsh vocalisation of her father, or in the case of abandonment, the failure that should have ravaged her father becomes her supreme inner monologue and shame based commentary. It can manifest through devouring self-consciousness with an echo that causes doubt and hesitation in expression and socialisation. If the father has passed, or vacant through his own depression, there may still be tremendous love and admiration, because she is so wise beyond her years. The supportive and encouraging father can certainly be a God in her eyes, or it may even be the grandfather who is her experienced and treasured she aspires to emulate. In whatever circumstance, the death of the father is a significant focal point in her life, there will be overwhelming grief for what she has lost, or what she never had to begin with. In relaxed settings, the individual is graceful, composed and conveys a natural wisdom that secures and guides the people around her. There is the admirable desire to serve and assist others in the direction of their skills and talents to bring about their ultimate potential. The individual can see the gold within people, there is a morality and perception that bows to the higher selves in her company. It’s possible that through modelling, envisioning, and leading the way for other people, she realises the potential within herself, and that she is also deserving of a meaningful and successful life. Saturn in the 1st people set far ranging challenges where failure is not an option. The quality of work and contribution made to the world is a reflection of her identity, and she sets herself exemplary standards with the greater goals in mind. She is a formidable executive with heels that set silver ringed Saturn fires in her wake across the corporate floor, intimidated by nothing but her own fear of failure, conducting her mind like an orchestra and taking rule like the honoured heroine. Her competence radiates in high pressure situations with clever strategy and tactician’s calculation, she negotiates well and knows how to develop creative capital from her natural talents. Despite these tremendous goals, the energy and the work required is not a given but supplied by personal discretion. While so great concentration, discipline, and talent is on offer with this placement, the individual’s will to wield this energy is activated by her own accord. This can make for the silent achiever who surprises everybody from the shadow as she steps up to the podium, or a starved and purposeless body who has succumbed to her melancholy and lethargy. There is often a deep longing to please, attain credit, and approval from authority and figures that replicate the parental role, but there is no being or institution that exists that could provide her with the density of validation and recognition she requires from herself. She also rarely perceives praise as being genuine, and the mask can be too tightly bound to let anybody in and allow recognition of the true gift that she is. If occult studies are undertaken, the individual likely finds a great resonance, gift in the work and research, and tonic to ease her suffering through the personal growth facilitated. But this is not relinquishment to a higher being for comfort, but rather the Divine Mother and Father within that can fill the emptiness of loss and abandonment. Of all the stars she aspires to reach and claim in the sky, or the tremendous obstacles she must overcome not only to survive but to claim the majestic glory waiting for her - the most testing, resistant, and punishing trial is the simple task of liking - or even loving herself. Now that may be some great feat for one who has never even considered this possible. - Written by Astrolocherry See Less

[butterflyinthewell]

Do you think that Lightverse Prowl would like Daredevil? (The Netflix show, I mean.) It seems right up his alley.

Actually, Daredevil might annoy Prowl because the way Matt ‘sees a world on fire’ feels like a cheat.

I’ll explain why. Buckle in, it’s infodumpin’ time!

* * * (Note: Everything beyond this point is headcanon!) * * *

[Prowl oh-so-gracefully dodges an explosion.]

I try to make things written from Prowl’s perspective as authentic as I can, and I did that by reading some books by blind authors, reading Livejournal blogs by blind bloggers, watching blind Youtubers and talking to a blind person IRL. I’ve had people ask me if I’m blind IRL because of how I write Prowl, and they were surprised when I said no.

Lightverse Prowl is not some super remarkable superhero, he’s just an average bot with ninja skills. He has ‘average’ senses for a bot that might seem heightened compared to a human, but compared to other Cybertronians they’re nothing special. All he’s done is hone them like a finely tuned instrument. 

His story arc (which still isn’t finished) is not about overcoming his disability, it’s about him overcoming the notion that he is broken, useless and less deserving of life than able-bodied bots. It’s about overcoming the shame society instilled in him. It’s about him learning to say “I am worth something and I deserve to be loved.” 

Here’s why Daredevil would bother Prowl:

I’m aware that most blind people have some light perception. Prowl doesn’t because of why he’s blind, so he “sees” literally nothing. It’s not black, it’s not any color, it’s just nothing. Try looking at the wall behind you through the back of your head. You can’t because you don’t have eyes there. That’s how the blind-from-birth lady who was in my church choir explained it to me. She had prosthetic eyes and was totally blind all her life. Her description made so much sense to me. (She was also really cool and said no questions were off limits to her, so I asked a lot and learned a lot until her family moved away.)

Prowl doesn’t have optics or a visual processor. Being a robot means his CPU (brain) is arranged a little differently and functions differently than a human, but for all intents and purposes he has zero way to experience vision, retain visual information or even understand it. Imagine a human born without eyes, optic nerves, a lateral geniculate nucleus or an occipital lobe. (Not sure if a human could survive with a brain like that…a lot of that stuff also relays sensory information across various parts of the brain.)

With that in mind, you can’t just slap optics and visual processors into Prowl’s head and call him fixed. His CPU “filled in” the empty space. Cybertronians have “neurons” that grow like steel wool fibers inside their skull casing as they age and experience life, and removing that to install visual processors would be like chopping off your parietal lobe or cerebellum to put in the occipital lobe, optic nerves, LGN and eyeballs.

Prowl being a fictional robot gave me a huge playground to play with how he hides his blindness in a way that can fool people into thinking he can see, and here’s what happened:

The oscillator technology Prowl uses is somewhat inspired by pinart boxes. They’re those things where you stick something into one side and an impression of it appears on the other side.

[Pictures of pinart boxes with hands and parts of a person’s face imprinted in the pins.]

The main difference is the “pins” are much smaller (think of the tiny screws in watches or glasses) and self-contained in a frame kinda like spark plugs in a car engine. Getting this tech installed inside the top of his skull casing was pretty much major surgery done in a back alley, and Prowl lost chunks of his “childhood” memories because the installation caused some damage even though the medic* who did it was very careful. So he can remember being protoformed, but everything else is spotty for awhile until he reached the Cybertronian equivalent to young adulthood.

*He was a former Decepticon gone neutral…and NO it was’t Lockdown.

The visor is what collects the light. It’s got a bunch of tiny sensors and each one corresponds to a pin. Those sensors detect light waves and translates them into vibrations in the pins, which Prowl feels in his face plates because the setup is connected to the tactile receptors for his face. The vibrations are tiny, and he had to learn how to understand them before the technology became useful to him. Now it’s second nature, he thinks about it as much as you think about breathing.

A strong vibration means bright light and a weak one means it’s dim, and none means it’s dark.

[A graphic showing the different light wavelengths that shows how small the visible light spectrum is. From slowest to fastest it goes: Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. Above violet it goes to ultraviolet radiation, X-rays, Gamma rays. Below red it goes to infrared radiation, microwaves, radio waves.]

Color is just light vibrating at different wavelengths, so the oscillators vibrate at the speeds corresponding with a color’s wavelength. Colors moving towards red feel slower than colors moving towards violet. 

Prowl can’t tell you something is burgundy or lime green or stuff like that. Color is hard for him to understand and the names of colors are just necessary vocabulary words he sometimes uses. 

He doesn’t quite remember which color combinations you mix to get a new color. The only one he has memorized is red and blue make purple.

If you asked him to match up an outfit it might be a disaster; he had to learn what colors “go” together by rote and that’s not information he can always recall quickly. Clashing colors are fascinating to feel, but visually awful. 

Distinguishing shades is hard unless one is very light and the other is very dark– like azure vs midnight blue. One would have a strong vibration (bright) and the other a weaker one (dark), he would say “it’s blue” to both. Two shades that are very close together are indistinguishable to him. 

His favorite deflection for people who ask him to pick out colors is a deadpan statement: “The darker one, but I’m not your decorator. Go ask Jazz if you want that. He’s better at style than I am.” XD

He’d say Earth tones are his favorite colors to deflect the “what’s your favorite color?” question– because Earth tones tend to “go” together.

[Prowl prepares to leap into the unknown.]

The oscillators have some major weaknesses, too.

Prowl needs light to use them. Anything dimmer than a full moon is too dark.

They’re the most accurate at close range. He would be able to pick up your facial details if he’s nose to nose with you. 

From across a room (about ten feet away) he just senses that a person is there, he’ll get their body shape, some info about their coloring, where light and shadow are falling on them and the movement of their gestures.

If you’re a hundred yards away– you at one goalpost at an American football field and Prowl at the other– you’re just an artifact moving against the background. He’ll sense your general shape and coloring. You won’t register much on his oscillators at all if your clothes and skin manage to blend with the environment (ie a kid dressed as a scarecrow sitting on a hay pile), if the environment behind you is moving (ie sparkly water or something flapping in the wind) or if the light level is low (ie at dusk or dawn or nighttime with poor lighting).

Prowl can read the text off large billboards from about ten feet away if the colors contrast enough and he can read a newspaper headline if he gets close to it in bright light. For reading, he prefers Braille. Discovering that on Earth is, in his mind, one of the greatest things ever because he loves to read.

Depth perception is a difficult concept for Prowl. He can’t tell if something is just small or a big thing that’s far away unless its signal “grows” when he approaches it. His audios are better at judging distance; he can tell you almost exactly how far away a sound is.

Prowl had a mystical experience that let him see temporarily, and he didn’t realize that he was experiencing sight. He found it terrifying and confusing until the “guide” inside the experience pointed out that “yes, you are seeing” and helped him understand what was happening. Weirdly, he still had access to his oscillators, so he was using them in conjunction with his temporary sight to sort of make sense of things. 

He didn’t gain a full understanding of sight before the experience ended and he wasn’t able to retain any memory of anything he saw when he woke up because he doesn’t have the “parts” that store the information. The most he can do is say “Well, I saw the stars in the sky and a wall” but he couldn’t tell you what the patterns in the wood grain looked like or that he watched stars twinkle.

I know the oscillators don’t seem like they make sense, but Prowl isn’t human. Also, the data doesn’t represent visually. It’s not like Daredevil or Geordie LaForge. It’s purely tactile, so there is no way to visually represent it in any way that will make sense. The only way to interpret Prowl’s lack of visual perception ‘visually’ is remove the TV screen completely. 

And that’s the whole point. I refuse to “cheat” when I write Prowl’s blindness. 

By the way, his visor looks a little like sunglasses. He doesn’t have to fake looking people in the eyes, but he’ll turn towards people or appear to look down at something he’s doing with his hands. He’ll get closer to things like he’s looking at them, and even Jazz sometimes forgets that he is not actually seeing. He’s feeling through his visor. 

The visor doesn’t replacing using his hands, though, and sometimes he’ll use his hands to confirm what he thinks his visor is telling him if something is close and / or safe enough to touch. 

[Prowl rests his hand flat on the wall in front of him.]

The weaknesses in the oscillator tech is why Prowl learned to use his other senses instead of depending purely on his visor. Like Yoketron said: “It is the Cyberninja, not the weapon, that is important.” Sometimes tech breaks and light isn’t always going to be present. 

Prowl turns his oscillators off when he’s alone. His proximity sensors do a fairly good job of keeping him from crashing into things in familiar surroundings. He can hear how big a room is, and 99% of the time he can feel it if a person is sneaking up on him because they disturb the airflow. They might get a bit closer to Prowl than they would a sighted mech, but they’ll still get noticed and clobbered. 

Have you ever felt a weird “gap” in your perception in a really quiet room and turned to see somebody standing right behind you? Bam, there you go. You’re perceiving a change in the air flow and reacting by turning to look for why. 

Most people don’t pay too much attention to this, but I tend to because my silly autistic brain doesn’t filter sensory perception very well and I can’t avoid noticing it. Sometimes I can sense people walking up the driveway outside my house because my room is right by the front door. That really freaks me out. O_o;;

The only reason Prowl has the oscillators at all is because he has to pass as non-disabled. Autobot society is kind of shitty to flawed mechs (their vernacular for disabled mechs, basically). Most disabled mechs are missing components necessary for life and would never become conscious or function, but some rare ones do. Society doesn’t make any distinction, though, and doesn’t test a disabled bot to see if they’re conscious before they scrap them. 

Disabled mechs are broken down for parts and can even get hunted down for “wasting” resources by being alive!!! The anti-flaw thing is the massive skeleton in the Autobots’ closet and that rhetoric is all over their society.

Passing as able-bodied is a matter of life and death. Somebody has to be very, very careful to reveal a disability to someone else. People considered to be flaw-sympathizers can get in trouble for hiding a disabled mech. Yoketron risked his life and career on more than one occasion for a disabled mech, and he’s also kind of the reason Prowl and Jazz ended up meeting later on down the line. 

Yoketron is also the reason Prowl got back in touch with navigating the world as a blind mech by making him wear the blindfold. (I screeched at my TV when I saw him wearing that thing, omg…) The oscillators are a tool like a talking watch, white cane / dog guide, screen readers and Braille are tools, but Prowl was using them like optics and putting himself more at risk of being caught. Yoketron used the blindfold as a compromise (so visitors to the dojo wouldn’t realize Prowl was actually blind and to keep Prowl from “cheating”) to make him utilize all of his senses and be aware of what is going on around him. The blindfold didn’t come off again until Prowl mastered his blind skills. 

Prowl didn’t master that until just before Yoketron sent him out to find himself. From then on, he learned to use all of his senses while fighting or doing “ninja” stuff.

[Prowl wearing the blindfold while mid-flip.]

[Yoketron looks proudly at Prowl after removing the blindfold.]

Just for fun, here’s some photoshop of what you see if Prowl takes his visor off. Excuse my terrible photoshop skills. The pictures I used were low quality when I screencapped them to do this. There’s one from before and after he got the armor mods.

[Two images of Prowl. One without samurai-like armor and one with it. Sans visor, the top half of his face is smooth because he doesn’t have optics. There is a small circuit board with pins on the bridge of his nose for his visor to hook into.]

Wow, this post got really rambly! XD Sorry! If anyone is still here at this point, here’s Lightverse: 

http://archiveofourown.org/series/283542 * * * (Note: Contains NSFW content!) * * *

[styliferous]

Things about my sole survivor I’ve hammered out now that I’ve had a lot of time and a couple playthroughs to do it hohohoho

it’s really long

Full name is Penelope Lynne Knight née Pratt, but practiced law under her maiden name because the firm she was a part of was founded by a Pratt ancestor of hers and had been in the family for a while- the Pratt name had a lot of weight to it even if being Penelope Knight was badass.

Spent a lot of time at the gun club her grandfather was a part of in her youth and into adulthood, and considers it to be a relaxing and fun pasttime. Her grandfather gave her her own rifle at some point, which she kept, but did not survive the 200 years she was in cryo. 

Codsworth (called Cornelius in multi-survivor aus) was purchased more as an aide to her husband, Arthur, than as a nanny/housekeeper, but nevertheless, bonded strongly with her son.

Arthur has pretty severe PTSD from his time as a soldier, thus Codsworth. Penny is a great rock for him, but between her job as a lawyer and her status as a new mother, can’t be everything he needs.

Shaun’s name is Casey (Or Caleb, I haven’t decided), nicknamed to Kay.

Guiding personality traits: Friendly/Condescending; Reserved/Suspicious; Determined/Calculating

Main weapon: Shotgun

Opinion on the companions:

Closest to: Nick, Deacon, Hancock, Cait

On good terms/friends with: Preston, Piper, Codsworth, Maccready, Longfellow, Dogmeat, Curie, Ada

Did not recruit/on bad terms with: X6-88: man I knew I was gonna blow the Institute before I even started her up the first time so tbh, I avoided X6 like the plague on that playthrough. I’m gonna actually talk to him this time so it may change; Strong: she did not even touch this, and may have wound up killing him when she refused to take him with her and he became insistent that she show him the milk of human kindness; Danse: she travelled with him for a while since the BoS has strong similarities with the military she’s familiar with/reminded her of Arthur, but left (and left them on read) when she understood what their intentions were; Gage: technically yeah ok she recruited him but she also killed his ass along with every other raider in Nukaworld.

Most of my stuff on Kay was developed in a dual survivor/dual Shaun au, so thats how this is gonna be

Kay is hugely ambitious and not a little bit cruel, tbh, and it’s only (in large part) because of how the Institute raised him. In a world were the war didn’t happen, he would have had a mean sense of humor and been a little more ruthless in his workplace than his peers would have been comfortable with. 

I imagine the Institute raised him and the other child in a very competitive way, which saturates all of their interactions in the future. Given his family’s history as intelligent, quick witted and successful people, Kay assumed he would prove to be the better child in every way and would be given the title of Director as a matter of course. This was not the case. While ruthless, he isn’t calculating enough to maneuver as well as he should within the Institute’s politics. As the ‘less successful’ child, Kay becomes bitter and manipulative, and is the one who releases his mother and the other survivor from Vault 111.

He has a mixed opinion of Penelope. From the records of her he is able to access, he built an image of her in his mind as fearsomely intelligent and harsh in her pursuit of law. This was the woman he wanted to live up to. To say he’s disappointed when she gets out into the Wastes and almost immediately aligns herself with the Minutemen, and moreover seems ready and willing to integrate into this new life and help people, would be an understatement. Any conversations he has with her post-Institute reveal are tense and barbed.

In dual survivor aus, Cornelius isn’t in Sanctuary, but with Kay, and is deeply suspicious of Penelope as faking her... self, somehow. He does not believe she is Penelope, mistress of his household, for quite a while.

Because “Father is dying of whatever and curses you with his last breath” is fucking dumb and I hate it, Kay’s life resolves a different way.

He does not expect Penelope to actually invade the Institute and put an end to it. And when it happens, he still thinks he can salvage the situation while still getting what he wants- the title of Director. He manages to kill the Director while the other man is trying to do damage control, but is shot himself in the process. After that is a period where he’s beginning to realize his world is falling down around his ears and Kay, while he’s furious and betrayed, has a fierce sense of possession and protectiveness for the people of the Institute, and they are dying around him. He makes his way to the transporter room and finds Tinker Tom and a couple other RR people trying to figure out how the transporter works, but there were advances and protections on this terminal that they weren’t prepared to deal with, and he harshly shoves Tom out of the way to begin operating it himself. 

The evacuation goes normally. Synth Kay still shows up, believing Penny to be his mother and the real Kay to be an uncle of some kind due to some time Kay takes between getting shot and this scene, I’m hand-waiving it, don’t look at me. Eventually, Penelope gets through the transporter with the understanding that Kay will follow her, but he doesn’t. He dies with the Institute.

This time the tape from him ends with a pause, and then Kay saying that he hopes this time, Penelope will be proud of him.

Post-game but pre-ghoul, Penelope runs for mayor of Diamond City and loses

She works in the same office as Nick for a while as a detective, when Far Harbor takes place

At some point they both agree that they both like eachother a lot but it’s getting crowded, and Penny opens a branch of the Valentine Detective Agency in Goodneighbor, to Hancock’s delight. 

7-10 years after the game, Penelope has an accident in the Glowing Sea while investigating something with Nick and gets a massive dose of radiation. During her recovery in the nearest non-Sea town, she begins the process of becoming a Ghoul.

During/after this she and Hancock become even closer, and begin joking about being siblings

Sidenote:

In worlds where Arthur survives and Penny does not, most things stay the same. However, he sinks deep into denial about the state of the world, where Penny mourns, but does her best to work with the case she’s been given and move forward with her life. He joins the BoS and becomes one of their most dedicated Paladins. He executes Danse when Maxson orders him to. The only companions he recruits are Dogmeat and Codsworth. Kay’s death changes slightly, to be by Arthur’s hand, and he dies in his arms.  Arthur dies in combat some months after the end of the game, in mourning, suicidal, and careless. He’s honored with in the BoS.

[musingsandthoughts]

What I Wish I Knew When I Was 25.

Welcome to adulthood! Trust me, we will be taking some time to adjust and adapt to adulthood from the young adult group and it’s okay! Just don’t rush yourself and learn to enjoy the process of life experiences transforming you into a beautiful person that inspires, motivates and becoming the role model for someone who is younger than you. May your journey be a footstep that many want to follow. I really hope someone has told me these when I was 25 but here is my list of 25 for the 25-year-old you.

1. Focus on loving yourself and building your character. Be a person who is strong mentally, emotionally and spiritually, be independent and be able to help others as well. 

2. Pursue happiness first. Not love, not pleasing others, not what the society says, not hurting yourself, not wealth, not Gucci nor Prada or LV even chasing the stars. Happiness is having a healthy body, freedom to pursue your passion, the joy to go to work every day, pure love and support from family members and friends, able to practice generosity in every aspect of your life and all that little things that count.   

3. No one problem in your life will cost you your life, unless you give it up yourself. So don’t blame your situation if you can’t come out of it, because whatever you’re going through, we have experienced it and we’re happy to tell you that we are stronger than before. In all heartbreaking situations, always remember to find your resilience and bounce back up. Always imagine that at the bottom of your fall, there’s a net that will bounce you back up. You won’t die lah my dear. Ask Mr Google if you have any questions or problems. 

4. Always be grateful in good times and also in bad times. A little appreciation goes a long way. "Never blame anyone in your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. The worst people give you a lesson and the best people give you memories”

5. When you love what you have, you have everything. Be content with your life, don’t worry about your lack, work on it and eventually you will be great. Trust me, you are much luckier than anyone out there.

6. Have the entrepreneur’s mindset, always be curious, look for ways to solve problems, innovate, innovate and innovate if you want to excel in your career or business. 

7. Time and silence are the most luxurious thing today. Learn to rest.

8. Go big or go home. Do things wholeheartedly and you will never regret for not putting your best when you could. 

9. How long have you not been reading books? I recommend you to read up “The Greatness Guide” by Robin Sharma, it is my life-changing book and I hope it does the same to you!

10. Man plans, God laughs. Go easy with your plans, sometimes a detour in your life may be a blessing in disguise, as long as you don’t plan to fail others. Be good okaaaaay.

11. Don’t ever go into any debts. Always clear all your credit card payments, loans, and etc. 

12. Don't beat yourself down with negative thoughts. No one really cares or mind so much about what you did greatly or badly, no one gives a damn after 5 minutes, so why feel so guilty and low about yourself the whole time? So, chin up, chest up, butt out and smell the flowers.

13. If you don't work out and keep yourself healthy, you will grow old faster. So shake it up and keep that curvy body shape of yours. 

14. It is okay to cry. It is okay to throw tantrums. It is okay to feel sad and down and unmotivated. It is okay to feel all the emotions. That also means, it is okay to laugh out loud, show off your pride and glory, display your crown and trophy. What's not okay is faking who you are not and what you're not feeling, that's not okay. Seek help, talk to someone, be free to express your feelings. Or simply pray and tell God what happened.

15. Be independent. I mean, at least know how to doll yourself up, do your own chores like laundry, dishwashing, housekeeping, cooking and earn your own money with your hard work and talents. Don't ever sell your body away. Of all the jobs in the world, even with peanut pay, I'd rather work for it than to let anyone touch our holy body.

16. Respect yourself. Know that you are not perfect in this world but you are perfect for yourself. All you need is to require more knowledge and experiences, you will eventually get better. No one is smart, they only learn from each other.

17. Self-love also means patience. Be patient to wait for the right person to walk you down the aisle after saying I-do, get the right job and stay until the next better offer comes, save enough money before you spend, be gentle to the young and elderly, be kind, forgive often, allow yourself to grow mature to handle bigger things & have a teaching heart.

18. Learn to give and also must learn to receive. You deserve the blessings.

19. The life in front of you is way more important than the life behind you. Always forgive and move on.  That also means forgiving yourself too!

20. When in fear, choose love. Because perfect love cast out all fears. 

21. The hardest thing to do is to do the right thing. Do it anyway. 

22. Don’t come in between other people’s relationships. You deserve better, you should be with someone who can love you openly and show you off to the world, wholeheartedly, not shared.  

23. The only regret in life is not dreaming big enough and not asking for more, when you are limitless and powerful than you think you are. 

24. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend. - Bruce Lee. He meant for us to be easily adaptable, one crucial surviving skill in the marketplace, I swear.

25. If you must, it is okay to burn bridges. Keep only those who are genuine and helpful to you, do not associate yourself with someone who is toxic, negative and has a bad influence. Burn bridges doesn’t mean making enemy or set up rival for vengeance, but simply do not want to keep in touch for further gossip, uneasiness, hurtful collaborations, misused, underappreciated, taken advantage of, betrayed and all the negativity that you’ve experienced with that person.  

Above all, take it easy and know that God is in control. Don’t be pressured by the quarter-life crisis ideology, the world has changed! You are not failing but you are actually an unfinished work of grace, getting ready to be transformed into a much more beautiful person than you already are. 

Just sit back, relax and enjoy the journey. 

These are from my personal experience and learning curve, what are yours?

- 03 October 2019

[squidplzplz-blog]

Fish Oil Benefits Proven Beyond Medicine

The UK Scientific Advisory Committee reviewed the evidence on the health benefits of fish oil in 2004. They said that "large body of evidence" suggests that taking fish oil, particularly oily fish, reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease. This article was published on the NHS website the UK. This is why you should be eating a lot of fish or if you can't buy fresh fish then you can take it as a supplement form. There are a lot of buyers guide for the Omega 3 supplement that you can read to get the best quality supplement. in the UK

As indicated by a look into directed at Harvard University, omega-3 unsaturated fat inadequacy is authoritatively one of the main 10 reasons for death in America, killing up to 96,000 individuals every year. Out of the 12 dietary, way of life and metabolic hazard factors analysed in the investigation, omega-3 unsaturated fat lack positioned as the 6th most elevated enemy of Americans. (1) These passings are viewed as preventable since getting enough omega 3-unsaturated fats in your eating routine can avoid this now the regular reason for death, and fish oil benefits omega-3 allow as a powerful omega-3 source.

The fish oil benefits incorporate diminishing the danger of coronary illness and stroke while additionally decreasing manifestations of misery, hypertension, consideration shortage hyperactivity issue (ADHD), joint agony, joint inflammation and interminable skin infirmities like dermatitis. (2) Fish oil admission has additionally been related with supporting the body in weight reduction, richness, pregnancy and expanded vitality. Medicine fish oil has even been endorsed by the FDA to bring down unfortunate high triglyceride levels. (3)

The greater part of the fish oil benefits is on the grounds that it's one of the nature's wealthiest wellsprings of omega-3 unsaturated fats. While fish oil benefits are various, there are some false claims on the most proficient method to utilize this unbelievable supplement, however in this article, I go over the demonstrated logical proof to exhibit the genuine benefits of fish oil.

What Is Fish Oil?

Fish oil originates from the tissues of oily fish. The best sources are frosty water, greasy fish. With regards to human utilization of fish oil, you can get it from fish themselves or from a fish oil supplement.

Fish oil is a concentrated wellspring of omega-3 fats, which are likewise called ω-3 unsaturated fats or n-3 unsaturated fats. To get more logical, omega-3s are polyunsaturated unsaturated fats or PUFAs. Our bodies can make the majority of the fats we require, yet that is not valid for omega-3 unsaturated fats. With regards to these basic facts, we have to get them from Omega-3 nourishments or supplements.

Fish oil contains two essential omega-3 PUFAs. I'm discussing docosahexaenoic corrosive (DHA) and eicosapentaenoic corrosive (EPA). DHA and EPA are now and again called the marine omega-3s since they, for the most part, originate from fish. A portion of the best fish to eat to get fish oil from in your eating regimen incorporate wild-found salmon, herring, white fish, sardines and anchovies.

Top Fish Oil Benefits

There are such a large number of fish oil benefits. These are quite recently a portion of the best deductively demonstrated fish oil benefits I need to make you mindful of.

1. ADHD

Numerous individuals from the restorative group, similar to myself, trust that problematic levels of omega-3 unsaturated fats may add to side effects of ADHD and related formative issues and also numerous other emotional well-being issues over one's lifetime. (4)

A recent report included youngsters from 6 to 12 years old with ADHD who were being treated with methylphenidate and standard conduct treatment for over a half year. The guardians of these youngsters announced no change in conduct and scholastic picking up utilizing these standard medications. The analysts arbitrarily gave a portion of the kids an omega-3 and omega-6 supplement or a fake treatment. They discovered "measurable critical change" for the omega bunch in the accompanying classifications: anxiety, forcefulness, finishing work and scholarly execution. (5)

Another investigation found that expanding omega-3 consumption, particularly DHA, may enhance education and conduct in youngsters with ADHD. (6) Fish oil is accepted to work through its impacts on cerebrum work, which bodes well when you consider that 60 percent of the mind is made out of fats. (7)

2. Alzheimer's Disease

For quite a while now, the fish oil and Alzheimer's disease association has been examined with reliable outcomes. The basic unsaturated fats key for mind work that are found in fish oil can moderate intellectual decay, as well as can help anticipate cerebrum decay in more established grown-ups. An investigation distributed in the FASEB Journal took a gander at the well-being impacts of four-to 17-month supplementation with omega-3 unsaturated fats and cancer prevention agents. The discoveries at the end of the day affirm the potential for fish oil to be utilized as a weapon to fight off the beginning of intellectual decrease and Alzheimer's disease. (8)

Another examination led by scientists at Rhode Island Hospital inspected the connection between fish oil supplementation and pointers of psychological decrease. The subjects of the examination were more seasoned grown-ups: 229 subjectively typical people, 397 patients with gentle psychological weakness and 193 patients with Alzheimer's disease. They were surveyed with neuropsychological tests and cerebrum attractive reverberation imaging at regular intervals while taking fish oil supplements. The examination found that the grown-ups taking fish oil (who had not yet built up Alzheimer's and did not have hereditary hazard factor for building up Alzheimer's known as APOE ε4) experienced altogether less psychological decrease and cerebrum shrinkage than grown-ups not taking fish oil. (9)

3. Tension

The European Journal of Neuroscience distributed an investigation in 2013 demonstrating that fish oil turned around all tension like and dejection like conduct changes actuated in rats. This is an intriguing investigation since it focuses on the significance of supplementing with fish oil at "basic times of mental health." (10) This is precisely why I prescribe giving fish oil to our children from at an early stage to help them so they won't create uneasiness or wretchedness further down the road.

4. Joint inflammation

An 18-month ponder was distributed in 2014 that assessed how borage seed oil — rich in GLA — and fish oil rich fared against each other in treating patients with rheumatoid joint inflammation. It was found that each of the three gatherings (one taking fish oil, one taking borage oil and one taking a blend of the two) "showed huge decreases" in disease movement, and no treatment beat the others. For every one of the three, "important clinical reactions" were the same following nine months. (11)

This is awesome news for both fish and borage oil with regards to joint pain patients, however, it's basic to accentuate that the outcomes were the same since taking excessively numerous supplements is essentially a misuse of cash.

Another investigation likewise demonstrated that omega-3 fish oil supplements worked similarly and also NSAIDs in lessening joint agony and are a more secure other option to NSAIDs. (12)

5. Cancer

Logical examinations have discovered that fish oil can forestall and murder different cancers, including colon, prostate and bosom. (13) Not just has to examine demonstrated that it makes regular cancer sedates more successful, but on the other hand, it's a compelling stand-alone treatment in characteristic cancer treatment.

A logical survey distributed in 2013 took a gander at omega-3 polyunsaturated unsaturated fats and prostate cancer anticipation. Specialists reasoned that there's a lot of proof proposing that omega-3s have antiproliferative impacts – which implies they hinder cancer cell development – in cancer cell lines, creature models and people. What's more, the "immediate impacts on cancer cells" and circuitous calming consequences for the insusceptible framework battling cancer likely add to the capacity of omega-3 unsaturated fats to hinder tumour development. (14)

A gathering out of India directed an investigation distributed in Cancer Chemotherapy and Pharmacology in view of the preface that "fish oil rich in n-3 polyunsaturated unsaturated fats has been wanted to chemosensitive tumour cells to hostile to cancer tranquillizes." The examination found that utilizing 5-Fluorouracil (5-FU) to treat colorectal cancer alongside fish oil expanded the survival rate in cancer-causing agent treated creatures. Analysts likewise found that the fish oil improved hematologic sadness, alongside gastrointestinal, hepatic and renal poisonous quality caused by the 5-FU. (15)

A logical survey in 2014 assessed think about discoveries on omega-3 allow in connection to the avoidance and treatment of bosom cancer, the most predominant cancer among ladies. The audit found that EPA and DHA, and in addition ALA, can differentially repress bosom tumour improvement. As indicated by this survey, there is strong proof to help the utilization of omega-3s as "a wholesome intercession in the treatment of bosom cancer to upgrade traditional therapeutics, or conceivably bringing down compelling measurements." (16) Additionally, a recent report found that "high fish utilization in early adulthood to midlife might be related to the diminished danger of bosom cancer." (17)

Fish oil likewise appears to be useful for another kind of cancer experienced by ladies: endometrial cancer. A logical report as of late distributed in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition finds that "long chain omega-3 consumption related with diminished endometrial cancer hazard just in ordinary weight ladies." (18)

6. Cardiovascular Disease

As per the Cardiovascular Research Institute in Maastricht in Netherlands, "Epidemiological examinations demonstrate that supplanting fat with sugars may even be more awful [than the Western-sort high-fat diet] and that different polyunsaturated unsaturated fats (FA) have valuable as opposed to inconvenient impacts on CVD (cardiovascular disease) result." This incorporates fish-oil unsaturated fats with calming properties, which can help avoid and invert a plenty of cardiovascular diseases. (19)

Studies have likewise discovered that omega-3 unsaturated fats from fish oil are related to enhanced survival rates for heart assault casualties. An investigation distributed in the therapeutic diary Circulation found that individuals who took a high measurement of fish oil each for a half year following the event of a heart assault really enhanced their hearts' general working and furthermore lessened biomarkers of foundational aggravation. (20)

7. Sadness

We've just observed that fish oil can help with sadness like side effects in rats, yet shouldn't something be said about individuals? An examination distributed in the diary Nutritional Neuroscience assessed the impacts of fish oil supplementation on prefrontal metabolite fixations in youths with the real depressive issue. Scientists found that there was a 40 percent diminish in significant dejection issue side effects notwithstanding checked changes in amino corrosive and nourishment content in the cerebrum, particularly, the privilege dorsolateral prefrontal cortex. (21)

8. Diabetes

An examination distributed in Brain Research demonstrates how sweeping fish oil can be for individuals with diabetes. Looks into found that fish oil can help decrease the danger of diabetics from creating psychological shortage since it shields the hippocampus cells from being wrecked. The examination additionally demonstrated that fish oil could help lessen oxidative anxiety, which assumes a focal part in the improvement of diabetes complexities, both microvascular and cardiovascular. (22)

Another current examination demonstrates that greasy fish utilization can cut the danger of eye-diabetes intricacies. The looks into followed the fish utilization of around 3,600 diabetic men and ladies between the ages of 55 and 80 for almost five years. The scientists found that individuals who routinely extended 500 milligrams every day of omega-3 unsaturated fat in their eating methodologies (equivalent to two servings of greasy fish every week) were 48 percent less inclined to create diabetic retinopathy than the individuals who devoured less.

9. Eye Disorders

There's more uplifting news with regards to fish oil and eye well-being, and it's recently not only for diabetic this time. Fish oil has been appeared to invert age-related eye issue. In March 2014, French specialists assessed 290 patients with age-related macular degeneration (AMD), and they found that dietary oil fish and fish admission were fundamentally lower in AMD patients. Because of the high EPA and DHA levels in fish oil, it was reasoned that this sort of dietary intercession could particularly profit those at high hazard for neovascular age-related macular degeneration. (24)

A higher admission of polyunsaturated fats like those found in fish and fish oils have likewise been connected to decreased levels of cortical waterfalls.

10. Insusceptible System Function

A creature considers uncovered that when the cancer prevention agent astaxanthin is consolidated with fish oil, the in susceptible boosting power is duplicated. The scientists trust that the aftereffects of this examination are certainly relevant to human well-being. They infer that the examination fortifies the well-being advancing impacts of continual fish utilization. (25)

Salmon is a fish that normally contains both fish oil and astaxanthin. I additionally prescribing purchasing a fish oil supplement that contains astaxanthin.

11. Skin and Hair

The medical advantages of fish oil can be unfathomable for the body's biggest organ, the skin. This wellspring of fundamental facts enhances the well-being and magnificence of human skin in a few ways. Fish oil benefits and sustains the skin with fats and contributes fat-dissolvable vitamins that assistance skin keeps up a smooth, versatile surface. There is additionally confirm that fish oil averts wrinkles and conflicts with the maturing procedure.

The lack of EPA and DHA in consuming fewer calories adds to skin conditions, for example, dandruff, diminishing hair, dermatitis and psoriasis, and also age spots and sun spots. Without the basic unsaturated fats, a lot of dampness leaves the skin. The fact of the matter is your inside well-being can show up on your skin, and taking fish oil inside as a supplement might be on a par with or superior to applying ordinary lotions.

In one examination, people taking fish oil identical to 1.8 grams of EPA had a huge diminishment in side effects of skin inflammation following 12 weeks. Scientists trust that these impacts might be because of fish oil's capacity to lessen leukotriene B4, an incendiary substance that assumes a part in skin inflammation. (26)

As per the National Psoriasis Foundation, fish oil can help in counteracting or abating coronary illness, which is particularly incredible for psoriasis and psoriatic joint inflammation sufferers who are at a higher danger of creating coronary illness. (27) When it comes to utilizing fish oil supplements for the mitigation of psoriasis manifestations, thinks about have been blended with some indicating change yet others demonstrating no impact. In the event that you experience the ill effects of psoriasis, you might need to attempt a fish oil supplement, or else I very prescribe that you make a point to have fish rich in omega-3s frequently.

One of the most compelling motivations fish oil prompts more advantageous skin is unquestionably the way that it can decrease irritation. Research has demonstrated that fish oil supplements can even diminish sun-actuated irritation and give sunburn alleviation. "The sunburn reaction is notably diminished by dietary fish oil rich in omega-3 polyunsaturated unsaturated fats." (28)

12. Ripeness and Pregnancy

Late investigations have demonstrated that the utilization of fish oil (or, all the more particularly, the omega-3 unsaturated fats found in fish oil) can enhance fruitfulness in the two men and ladies. DHA, which is a side-effect of omega-3 unsaturated fats, assumes a key part in the versatility of sperm and well-being of sperm in men. Low blood levels of DHA have been connected to diminished richness. Creature considers have discovered that the DHA in fish is key to changing broken round-headed sperm into solid swimmers with cone-molded heads pressed with egg-opening proteins. (29)

Fish oil has additionally been appeared to expand fruitfulness in ladies by decreasing irritation, adjusting hormones and managing their cycles. Additionally, fish oil has been discovered viable in treating conditions like polycystic ovarian disorder and endometriosis, which can cause barrenness.

Fish oil is added to a great degree advantageous for pregnant ladies and their kids. All through pregnancy and furthermore while breastfeeding, a lady's omega-3 needs are considerably higher than regular. As per the American Pregnancy Association, generally, U.S. ladies are insufficient in EPA and particularly DHA going into pregnancy and get much more drained amid pregnancy, as the placenta supplies the baby with DHA from the mother's tissue. Omega-3 DHA is a basic building piece of the fetal cerebrum, eyes and sensory system. Once the child is conceived, omega-3s keep on being indispensable to sound mental health and safe capacity. (30)

Omega-3 unsaturated fats additionally appear to decrease the shot of unexpected labour. (31) EPA and DHA admission can help bolster solid work and conveyance results. This omega-3 team additionally standardizes inclination and general prosperity in the mother subsequent to conceiving an offspring.

13. Weight reduction

Australian specialists distributed after effects of an investigation inspecting the impacts of fish oil on weight reduction in a blend with eating routine and exercise in the May 2007 issue of American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. The outcomes demonstrate that a blend of fish oil supplements and standard exercise can lessen muscle to fat ratio ratios while additionally enhancing heart and metabolic well-being. The fish supplementation aggregate had brought down triglycerides, expanded HDL cholesterol and enhanced blood stream. In general, adding fish oil to a flow practice program (and a general sound way of life) seems as though it can diminish muscle to fat quotients and also cardiovascular disease hazard. (32)

Another little examination had all volunteers devour the same correct control eat fewer carbs and substituted fish oil for unmistakable fats (things like spread and cream). The volunteers expended six grams of fish oil every day for three weeks. They found that muscle to fat quotients masses diminished with the admission of fish oil. The analysts presume that dietary fish oil decreases muscle to fat quotients and fortifies the utilization of unsaturated fats for the creation of vitality in sound grown-ups. (33)

In the event that you've been pondering, "What fishes oil do?" ideally you now have a superior thought of the expansive cluster of conceivable fish oil benefits!

Fish Oil Nutritional Background

The fundamental nourishing estimation of fish oil is its high unsaturated fat substance. As I just said, fish oil benefits originate from the way that it's rich in the omega-3 unsaturated fats known as DHA and EPA.

Pondering about the specifics of fish oil nourishment? One teaspoon (four grams) of fish oil from sardines, for instance, contains roughly: (34)

40.6 calories

4.5 grams fat (1.5 grams soaked fat)

0 milligrams sodium

0 grams fibre

0 grams sugar

0 grams protein

14.9 universal units vitamin D (4 percent DV)

1,084 milligrams omega-3 unsaturated fats (DV differs by age and sexual orientation)

90.6 milligrams omega-6 unsaturated fats (DV differs by age and sexual orientation)

Healthful data differs by item and fish source. Check supplement marking for particular points of interest.

Omega-3 Deficiency Side Effects

A considerable lot of Americans' medical issues can be followed back to having an awkwardness of omega-3 and omega-6 fats. Omega-6 fats aren't really terrible for you, yet in the event that they're devoured in huge sums without omega-3s, they cause irritation, which prompts endless disease.

Today, the normal American has a 20:1 proportion of omega-6 to omega-3 fats, when a solid proportion is all the more preferably around 2:1. Put in other numerical terms, the regular American eating regime has a tendency to contain 14 to 25 times more omega-6 unsaturated fats than omega-3 unsaturated fats. (35) This shows exactly how inadequate the greater part of us are and why supplementing with fish oil is so helpful.

The greatest reason for Omega-3 insufficiency is the over consumption of sustenances high in omega-6 unsaturated fats. Omega-6 originates from things like fricasseed sustenances, quick nourishments and boxed sustenances that contain vegetable oils like soybean oil, canola oil, sunflower oil, cottonseed oil and corn oil. When you expand excessively omega-6, it can diminish your body's capacity to process sound omega-3 unsaturated fats. (36)

Research has demonstrated that having a lower proportion of omega-6/omega-3 unsaturated fats can diminish the danger of numerous basic interminable diseases. Getting enough omega-3, which implies having a legitimate adjust of omega-3 and omega-6, has been appeared in several investigations to conceivably give benefits to numerous incendiary diseases, including: (37)

ADHD

Asthma

Joint pain

Immune system diseases

Cancer

Discouragement

Coronary illness

It's additionally critical to realize that despite the fact that specific different sustenances like flaxseeds and grass-encouraged hamburger contain omega-3 fats, those omegas are ALA and not EPA/DHA like what's found in fish oil. As indicated by the restorative research, there are much more medical advantages in fish oil (EPA/DHA) than flax oil (ALA) for a great many people.

It's likewise vital to take note of that omega-6 unsaturated fats aren't awful for you. Truth be told, if your eating regimen contains an excessive number of omega-3 unsaturated fats, your insusceptible framework wouldn't work extremely well. It's about the adjust of these two basic unsaturated fats.

Instructions to Take Fish Oil Supplements

Your most ideal approach to accomplish a decent adjust of omega-3 and omega-6 is by getting your fish oil from wild-got fish like salmon. In any case, regardless I think it is advantageous for some to supplement with a brilliant omega 3 fish oil or cool liver oil. Besides, cool water fish are every now and again sullied with mercury and pesticide deposits, making it exceptionally hard to securely accomplish prescribed levels.

Along these lines, supplementing your eating regimen with immaculate hostile to oxidant rich fish oil can be a standout amongst other approaches to get your omega 3s. The sorts of fish which are most normally utilized as a part of fish oil supplements are salmon, cod liver, mackerel, sardines, halibut, pollock and herring.

Presently, there isn't a set standard proposal for what number of omega-3s we require every day, except recommendations run from a fish oil measurements of 500 to 1,000 milligrams day by day relying upon whom you inquire. How simple is it to get these suggested sums? To give you a thought, there are more than 500 milligrams of aggregate omega-3s of every one container of fish and one little serving of wild-got salmon.

When taking fish oil, more is not generally better. Keep in mind that you need it to remain in an adjusted proportion with omega-6 fats. For the vast majority, I prescribe 1,000-milligram measurements of fish oil day by day as a decent sum and the most experimentally examined dose. I exceedingly suggest not taking more than that unless coordinated to under the supervision of a specialist.

Likewise, not all fish oils are made the equivalent. Most fish oils are exceedingly handled and can oxidize effectively in light of the fact that omega-3 fats are polyunsaturated, have a low warmth limit and can without much of a stretch go smelly. Hence, you need to purchase a fish oil in triglyceride shape that additionally contains cancer prevention agents to protect them like astaxanthin or basic oils.

To enhance the wellbeing of your heart, cerebrum, skin, hair, body and a whole lot more, consider adding fish oil to your day by day supplement administration or expend wild-got fish every day. In case you're antagonistic to fish oil pills, make a point to get no less than two servings of greasy fish every week to satisfy your omega-3 needs and furnish your body with fish oil benefits. This is a proposal likewise supported by the American Heart Association. (38)

Does Fish Oil Cause Prostate Cancer?

In 2013, an investigation turned out that made many people worried about fish oil supplements and cancer. The examination, distributed in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute, demonstrated that men who devour the biggest measure of fish oil had a 71 percent higher danger of high-review prostate cancer and a 43 percent expansion in a wide range of prostate cancer. The investigation was led by 2,227 men, of which 38 percent of the men as of now had prostate cancer. (39)

As per scientist Theodore Brasky from the Ohio State University Medical Center, "These fish oil supplements in which a few men getting mega, super measurements… as we would see it that is likely a smidgen hazardous." (40)

What is a "super dosage"? The American Heart Association considers taking up to three grams of fish oil every day "safe." It prompts that "patients taking more than 3 grams of omega-3 unsaturated fats from cases ought to do as such just under a doctor's care." (41) Most doctors would state that taking 2+ grams (or 2,000+ milligrams) day by day is a uber dosage.

So do I think you should quit taking your fish oil promptly due to this investigation? No. In any case, would it be advisable for you to investigate what amount of fish oil you take and what mark you take? Yes, certainly.

The motivation behind why fish oil could expand a man's danger of prostate cancer is IMBALANCE. Like I said before, omega-6 unsaturated fats aren't terrible for you. Truth be told, if your eating regimen contains an excessive number of omega-3 unsaturated fats, your invulnerable framework wouldn't work extremely well since omega-3 and omega-6 unsaturated fats are intended to work in an arrangement of balanced governance. Omega-3 unsaturated fats stifle aggravation, and omega-6 unsaturated fats advance irritation, which really underpins your body's common arrangement of resistance like enacting your white platelets.

Along these lines, in the event that you devour an excessive number of omega-3 fats (EPA/DHA), you can really debilitate your resistant framework, which would support as opposed to avert cancer. So I take this investigation to be a decent case of why more is not increased with regards to supplements, and you ought to be wary not to try too hard with fish oil or some other supplement.

Fish Oil Side Effects, Interactions and Precautions

In case you're not ready to get enough fish oil benefits through your eating routine, fish oil supplements can be a decent alternative. Fish oil symptoms can incorporate burping, awful breath, acid reflux, queasiness, free stools, rash and nosebleeds, yet I would say, taking a superb fish oil supplement can decrease the probability of any undesirable reactions. It's additionally a smart thought to bring fish oil with dinners to decrease reactions.

Before taking fish oil, you ought to talk with your specialist in the event that you presently take any pharmaceutical or have any progressing well-being concerns. You ought to likewise address your specialist before taking fish oil in the event that you have a known fish or shellfish hypersensitivity.

On the off chance that you have a draining issue, would effectively or take blood-diminishing pharmaceuticals, you should utilize fish oil supplements with additional alert since extensive measurements of omega-3 unsaturated fats can expand draining danger. This draining danger additionally applies to individuals with no history of draining issue or current drug use. On the off chance that you have sort 2 diabetes, you should just utilize fish oil supplements under your specialist's supervision. People with sort 2 diabetes can encounter increments in fasting glucose levels while taking fish oil supplements.

My gauge is that near 90 percent of fish oils available today may contain mercury and pesticide buildups in addition to hydrogenated oils. Obviously, this is my conclusion in view of my own examination of going to various assembling plants, talking with organizations, and concentrate the exploration and the recorded elements of regular fish oils. I would avoid ALL fish oils that don't have cell reinforcements like astaxanthin, which help balance out the oil from going foul. I generally search for astaxanthin as a major aspect of any astounding fish oil supplement.

To maintain a strategic distance from fish oil supplements containing mercury or other destructive contaminants, buy supplements from a legitimate source that obviously tests for these well-being unsafe contaminants in its items. These tests ought to be in a perfect world led by an outsider, and an endorsement of investigation ought to demonstrate the levels of virtue from ecological poisons.

Last Thoughts on Fish Oil Benefits

Omega-3 unsaturated fats are basic to our well-being, however, our bodies can't make them so we should get them from eating fewer carbs. On the off chance that eating regimen is insufficient to address our issues, at that point a fantastic fish oil supplement is the following best choice.

The best fish oil supplement constantly ones fabricated under strict measures with exhaustive testing for well-being unsafe contaminants like mercury.

Post-supplementation "fish burps" can be dodged by expanding fish oil with nourishment.

Fish oils can be utilized as anticipation to medical issues and a treatment.

Logical investigations have and keep on backing up the greater part of the unbelievable fish oil benefits running from skin inflammation and fruitfulness to coronary illness and many sorts of cancer.