#fake newspaper

[thatthingilovewith]

Captiol Newspaper inspired by @persephoneprice and @fairyhagmother

[ro-jiin]

halloween where jason dresses up as dick and just. wreaks absolute havoc (i might do a redraw of this later) and slutty bruce wayne. more drawings to follow, probably.

[crazygnomenclature]

I will buy their popcorn and sprite, but I'll be damned if I', paying $6 for Reese's Pieces.

Webtoons | Insta | Bluesky

Support on Patreon!

[heyy-dont-mind-me]

Had to do this

I'm your BIGGEST fan! ❤️ I'll follow you until you love me!

Papa-paparazzi~ . .

Baby, there's no other superstar ⭐ You know that I'll be

Your papa-paparazzi.. .

.

"Promise I'll be 'kind'..."

But I won't stop until that boy is mine(?) . .

Baby, you'll be famous! Chase you down until you love(?) me!

Papa-paparazzi....

[danvssomethingorother]

I know most Leon fans do not give a shit about the 2000 live action adaptation of RE but I got a copy on a cool promotional ad that came out before apocalypse (the second film, I personally like the first 2 because nostalgia but can’t stomach the other 7? 8? However many films were in this franchise). This is Leon’s appearance in these films.

Look there he is! He replaces Chris in this time line and he fucking died a painful death that gave Jill ptsd. Too bad these movies didn’t show that, I would have liked to see.

[hotvintagepoll]

I was so devastated over Paul Newman's loss that I walked into a local shop and bought The Sting on bluray

HOT VINTAGE MOVIE SALES SPIKE

January 16, 2024

(LOS ANGELES) Following the publication of a poll rating the hotness of Christopher Plummer vs Paul Newman, the Tumblr girlies have shown out in force to defend the hotness of their favorite Criterion baddies, leading to a 50000% spike in TCM subscriptions and library memberships. When asked for comment, Tumblr user aziraphalesbdsmboobs confided, “I always thought I was the only one mad about James Cagney but I’ve been proven wrong!” President of TCM Old Man McOldman could not be reached for comment. When asked how he felt about being included as an old hot man who was then murdered in polling by Marlon Brando, Dick Van Dyke was heard to remark [cont. on page 3A]

[aka-indulgence]

Pspsps aka can we please have a morsel of dr sans and mr horruer

Well since you asked so nicely

A newspaper clipping. It seems like your infatuation- I mean your good friend Dr. Sans has made the news again. His creations always seem as strange and wonderful as fiction. Wait… what’s that about a strange man…?

[merry-andrews]

@citizenstarlight hope you like it!

[bewarethe1desofmarch]

click for quality if you want to read it. it got obliterated

WIP

[signorinaclaudiacardinale]

Unusual news in 1964…

In a magazine from Caracas, Venezuela called "Páginas", journalists Jaime Carrión and Julián de Sada echoed an article from Spain in which they stated that the actress Claudia Cardinale "suffered from an incurable disease that gradually ended her life and that doctors gave her 1 year to live."

According to their report they wrote the following: "Since those days on the beaches of Lido, 5 years have passed. 5 years of intense work and forced learning. 5 years have been undermining the strength and resistance of the famous actress until she was forced to lower the curtain that will put an end to her career and possibly her existence when she was beginning to perform the first comedy act in her life…"

Clearly all this information was false! Claudia found out about this news and she joked saying: "I'm reaching the end of the road" and then denied the circulated information: "I recently went to the doctor, I'm in perfectly good health."

| Real photo from the Spanish newspaper explaining the topic in June, 1964 |

|And here the English translation|

I wonder, with what intention did those 2 journalists create this entire fake story? Ah! To sell their newspapers!

[tinycoded360]

Lilliputian Adventures Chapter 3

(flashback)

Telwin's world spun in a whirlwind of feathery chaos as he was snatched from the safety of the earth, the sky, and land trading places with dizzying speed. The seagull's beak was a prison cell, the taste of its saliva an unwelcome reminder that he was nothing more than prey.

Panic clawed at his chest, but beneath that fear, a spark of defiance flickered alive. He wouldn't let his story end in the gullet of a gull.

He felt himself being pushed down the dark tunnel of the bird's throat. With a surge of determination, he thrust his hands outward. His palms pressed against the sides of the fleshy tunnel, fingers splayed wide. The texture was slimy, and the stench was overwhelming.

His small fingers found leverage, the creature's saliva slick against his skin. The seagull squawked at Telwin's unexpected resistance. His body trembled with the effort, muscles straining against the might of the avian predator.

Telwin's arms, though quivering from exertion and fear, held firm, an unexpected barricade within the cavernous throat. The seagull, caught in a gag reflex by the tiny obstruction, let out a strangled squawk. Its head jerked violently, eyes wild with confusion and irritation. The convulsions of its throat muscles vibrated through Telwin's entire frame.

A sudden retch from the bird sent a rush of air past him. With one final convulsive effort, the seagull expelled Telwin from its maw like a projectile, flinging him into the open sky.

The world spun around him chaotically—the blue of the ocean, the white of the clouds, and the tan of the sands below—all blurring into an indiscernible whirlwind.

With every passing second, the ground loomed closer; he twisted and turned, fighting against the tumultuous current of air, striving for even the smallest bit of control over his trajectory.

Suddenly, his descent halted abruptly, knocking the breath from his lungs. Not the unforgiving earth greeted him, but something soft and warm. Dazed, it took a moment for Telwin's mind to register that he was miraculously alive and another to realize he was lying on a surface that rose and fell gently with the rhythm of breathing.

"Good heavens," he muttered, pushing himself up slightly. His hands sank into supple flesh, and he froze as the reality of his landing spot dawned on him. Glancing up, he saw the underside of a giant chin, and it hit him—he was nestled between the cleavage of a colossal human.

"By all that's holy," Telwin whispered, his voice trembling. He pressed his tiny form closer to her skin, both out of fear and a desperate effort to stay concealed. The heat from her body enveloped him, a stark contrast to the cool sea breeze that wafted over them.

"Please don't be like Hilgar," he prayed silently, recalling the horror of witnessing his crewmates' demise, their screams still echoing in his memory.

"Whoa!" The exclamation boomed above him, and he flinched as the giantess’s heart rate increased beneath him. "What on earth?"

"Please," Telwin called out, his voice barely a squeak as he pushed against the cavernous walls that enclosed him. "Don't harm me! I mean no trespass upon your... person."

From this vantage point, he couldn't see her face, only the vast expanse of skin. Telwin held his breath, waiting for a sign, a gesture, anything that might indicate whether he'd found a savior or another predator.

Tori's hand flew to her chest, fingers probing the source of the sudden tickle. Her breath hitched as she grasped something small and solid, not at all like the insect she expected. She yanked out the offending object from its warm hiding place with a startled yelp.

"Ah!" Tori’s voice thundered as she held the wriggling form between her index finger and thumb, ready to fling it away. But then her eyes focused, her movements stilled, her heart skipping a beat. It wasn't an insect but a man—a tiny man with wide, fearful eyes staring back at her.

"Please, don't!" The minuscule voice cut through Tori's shock, halting her reflexive toss. "My name is Telwin. I swear, I mean you no harm!"

Held aloft, dangling precariously in the grasp of the giantess, Telwin fought to steady his breathing. His gaze locked onto hers, a silent plea for compassion.

"How did you... What are you?" Tori whispered, her curiosity taking over.

"I'm from Lilliput," he replied, each word quivering but clear. "A seagull snatched me from the ground, and my crewmates and I washed ashore here. I'm lucky to have landed on you instead of... well.... the ground."

Tori tilted her head, the confusion evident on her face. "Are there more of you?" Her fingers relaxed slightly, giving Telwin a momentary reprieve from the pressure.

"Yes, we've shipwrecked here, or well bottlewrecked. It's a long story, but we got trapped in a giant bottle, and now we're stuck here." he managed, trying to ignore the sensation of vertigo as he swayed in her grip. "I beg of you, help us."

"Okay, Telwin," she murmured. "I'll help you. And by the way, my name is Tori....I'll do what I can to help you."

"Please, we have to find them," Telwin pleaded, his voice vibrant with urgency. "My crewmates... they're out there, lost on these sands. They need shelter, food—anything you can offer."

Tori nodded, her heart swelling with an empathetic resolve. "Let's look for them together," she said firmly.

They began to comb the beach, Tori's eyes scanning the ground while Telwin rode in the safety of her grasp. She gently curled her fingers around his tiny frame, protecting him close to her chest as they moved. But he squirmed, clearly uncomfortable with the lack of freedom and the heat radiating from her palm.

"Your hand... it's quite warm," Telwin remarked, trying to shift into a less confining position within her clenched fist.

"Sorry," Tori murmured, loosening her grip slightly. "Is that better?"

"Somewhat," he replied. The touch of sweat from her hand made his skin prickle.

Dark clouds converged above, casting an ominous shadow over their search. Tori glanced skyward, concern etching her features. "It looks like rain. We should head inside; I can keep you safe in my apartment."

"Wait, no!" Telwin protested, his voice rising in alarm. "A downpour could be deadly for them! We must keep looking!"

"Telwin....I don't know, we've been searching for a while......" Tori replied.

"Put me on your shoulder or even atop your head," he countered quickly. "I have sharp eyes. I've spent hours in the crow's nest; I won’t fall."

She hesitated, torn between the urge to shield him and his desperate plea. "I'm just... what if you slip?" she stammered.

"Trust my sea legs, Tori. I promise I'm as stable as they come," Telwin argued with a fervor only matched by his earlier fear.

Their exchange went back and forth, the air filled with the tension of disagreement until Tori, ever the people-pleaser, relented with a sigh. "Okay... this might sound strange, but you could ride here." She indicated her cleavage, her cheeks coloring with a bashful flush. You'd be secure, and you can still watch for your friends."

Surprise flickered across Telwin's face before he gave a brisk nod. "I accept," he said.

"Alright then," Tori whispered, more to herself than to him, placing Telwin carefully into the new vantage point provided by her clothing. "Let's find your crewmates."

Telwin nestled into the warm, cushioned haven between Tori's breasts, a peculiar mix of embarrassment and relief coloring his miniature features. His feet found purchase against the fabric of her bra, pushing ever so slightly as he peered out at the increasingly blurry world. The sensation of softness enveloping him was strangely amusing; he mused that a man might embark on a lengthy courtship for such an honor under normal circumstances.

"Uh, hold on tight," Tori murmured, her voice tinged with a nervous laugh as she unfurled her umbrella with her free hand. A symphony of raindrops began their assault.

"Got it," Telwin called up, his voice barely audible over the downpour. "And thank you, Tori. This is quite the... unique perspective."

"Let's head inland," Tori suggested, raising her voice to be heard. "We've scoured the beach enough, don't you think?"

"Agreed," Telwin replied, trying to sound confident despite the churning in his stomach. He squinted against the driving rain, scanning the surroundings with practiced eyes. "They can't have gone far."

****

Tori's pulse raced as she padded softly into her apartment's sanctuary, the door clicking shut behind her with a soft thud. Cradled in the warm cocoon of her palm were the Lilliputians. Telwin, the smallest among them, had found an unconventional perch nestled securely between her chest's soft rise and fall.

"Okay," she whispered, her voice quivering like leaves in a breeze as she entered her bedroom. "We're safe here." She glanced down at the minuscule band of adventurers; their faces pinched with concern and awe as they surveyed the vast landscape of her room from their vantage point.

"Um..." Tori began, her fingers twitching nervously as she tried to think of what to say next. "I—I hope the journey wasn't too uncomfortable for you."

"It was fine," The tiny captain shouted up at her, "But can you please let us down now?"

"Y-yes, of course," Tori stammered, feeling the weight of their gazes upon her.

"Excuse me, Tori," came a voice, muffled yet chipper, from her chest. Telwin's tiny face peered up at her.

Tori's cheeks were aflame with embarrassment. She'd almost forgotten the intrepid Lilliputian lodged so close to her heart. With utmost care, her fingers—each the size of his entire body—curved around him, lifting him gently from his cozy nest. The heat of her blush seemed to radiate through her entire being as she noticed his delighted smile.

"Quite the view from here, I must admit," Telwin quipped with a wink, clearly enjoying the ride. His laughter was light and airy, a stark contrast to the heavy thumping of Tori's heart.

"O-oh gosh, I'm so sorry," Tori stammered, still red-faced but now cradling him in her open palm. She navigated across the room, taking slow, measured steps to avoid any jarring movements for her miniature passengers.

"Nothing to fret about!" Telwin assured her, his voice bubbling with mirth.

Tori reached her desk. She lowered her hand to the surface, allowing the tiny people to step off.

"Thank you, Tori," he said, sweeping a miniature arm in a grandiose bow.

Fildor stood back, his arms folded across his chest as he watched Tori hover above them. The corners of his mouth twitched upward into an amused smile, his eyes crinkling in mirth at the sight of her fumbling attempts to make them feel at ease.

"We've encountered giants before, but none with a heart as gentle as yours," Fildor remarked.

Tori's cheeks tinged pink. "I—I'm just trying to help. I can't imagine what you've been through."

"And we thank you for your help," he said. "You've given us sanctuary when we'd only known peril from those bigger than you. Hilgar... he was not so merciful."

"Who's Hilgar?" Tori asked, curiosity peeking.

"A tale for another time," Fildor replied, the levity fading from his expression as he turned his gaze to the other Lilliputians.

Meanwhile, Mavri kept her distance; her eyes narrowed and vigilant as she observed the giantess. She remained unconvinced, her stance rigid and unwavering as she monitored every move Tori made.

"Food, water, and what else?" Tori asked, her voice steadier than she felt.

"Medical supplies," Fildor replied, his tone matter-of-fact. "Linric needs proper care."

"Got it," Tori affirmed, her feet carrying her swiftly away. Her hands trembled slightly as she rummaged through the cabinets, gathering bits of bread and fruit and carefully cutting them into small portions that wouldn't overwhelm her diminutive guests. Her fingers found a roll of gauze, and with careful precision, she tore off tiny strips, arranging them neatly beside the rest of the supplies.

"Thank you, Tori," Fildor said when she returned, his eyes reflecting gratitude amidst the amusement.

Tori blushed but smiled. "I'm glad to help. Is there anything else I can do?"

Fildor shook his head. "We need rest now. I'm sure we can discuss more in the morning."

*****

The first light of dawn seeped through the cracks of the blinds, casting a tranquil glow across Tori's apartment. Linric, his tiny chest rising and falling with shallow breaths, blinked open his eyes, only to be met with the towering walls of an unfamiliar giantess' home. A sharp gasp escaped him as he scrambled to his feet, panic and pain etched in every line of his miniature face.

"Where are we? This—this is a giant's lair!" Linric's voice quivered, echoing faintly against the vastness of the room.

"Easy, Linric," Mavri said, firmly touching his shoulder. "It's ok, we're safe. She's not like the others."

Tori stirred from her slumber, the warmth of her bed fighting to keep her under its spell. With a yawn, she stretched out her limbs, the fabric of her pajamas clinging softly to her skin. She glanced at her new guests, noting the early hour by their hushed, anxious murmuring. Running a hand through her tousled hair, she slipped out of bed, resolving to make them feel at ease.

Mavri watched the giantess disappear into another room, her own heart pounding with a mix of trepidation and resolve.

When Tori returned, a tray laden with food—a veritable feast by Lilliputian standards—rested in her hands. Carefully, she lowered it to the desk, ensuring everything was within their reach.

"Good morning," Tori greeted them, her voice soft, betraying the nerves that fluttered beneath her calm exterior. "I hope you're hungry."

"Thank you, Tori," Fildor responded, his voice carrying the weight of their collective gratitude as they approached the feast.

"Look here," Tori said after a moment, her tone shifting to one of hesitant excitement. She drew her phone from her pocket. The Lilliputians gathered around, their eyes widening at the sight of the glowing rectangle.

"Is that some form of magic?" Linric asked, his earlier fears momentarily forgotten.

"Sort of," Tori chuckled. "It's a phone. We use it to communicate... and to learn about the world." She tapped the screen, bringing up an article. "This is about the bottle you arrived in. It's made the news."

Mavri stepped forward, her blue eyes scanning the tiny symbols, her brow furrowed as she tried to make sense of the alien script.

"Can you tell us what it says?" Mavri asked, her voice steady despite her gnawing uncertainty.

"Of course," Tori replied. As she read aloud, her guests listened intently, captivated by the technology and the tale it told.

After they all had their fill of breakfast, Mavri took a deep breath and looked up at their giant hostess.

Mavri cleared her throat, drawing Tori's gaze as she set aside the phone. "Tori," she began, her tone imbued with a newfound resolve, "we need your assistance."

Tori leaned closer. "What do you need?"

"We must construct a new vessel to return home," Mavri explained, gesturing to the remnants of her crew. "Our ship is lost; without one, we are stranded here."

"Okay," Tori responded, nodding slowly, her eyes filled with empathy. "I want to help. Maybe I can buy some things for you... There could be toys or models already made that would work as a boat for you."

"Truly?" Mavri's eyes sparkled with cautious hope.

"Absolutely," Tori affirmed, her voice soft yet determined. "I've seen model ships in stores, replicas meant for display. Perhaps they could be seaworthy for you."

"Such generosity..." Mavri murmured, a sliver of trust piercing the veil of her skepticism.

Tori reached for a pencil and notepad she had used for college notes. "I'll find something perfect for your size," she said.

Chapter 4

[all-about-the-tea-parties]

Yk now that I’ve really thought about it if Mrs cobel did come back at the expense of mr milchick I think he might’ve gone on a murder spree

[keepthemacramesecret]

absently fantasizing about someone finding some unpublished ewh manuscript for a 4th raffles series. as one does. raffles' sister writes to bunny maybe, she never knew anything ofc and they never met but she was fond of her brother and she understands. so hes compelled to write up another 8 or 9 little adventures. maybe one is the ever hinted but never fully explained school-aged sneaking out. a few more from ham common now that some time has passed and theyre not open cases to be a risk for bunny to write about. it ends with a short structurally last-word-esque epilogue about raffles showing up on bunny's doorstep in 1908 or so because of course he survived and of course he couldnt come back right away but hes here now and wont bunny run away with him one more time?

[eretzyisrael]

On March 6, more than 20 McClatchy news sites across the United States commendably pulled a false United Press International by Adam Schrader two days after the wire service had itself already independently corrected. UPI’s March 3 article, “New Jersey synagogue will allegedly auction off occupied Palestinian land,” had initially falsely alleged:

Palestinian groups are calling for supporters to protest a purported auction of homes on occupied Palestinian land at the Keter Torah Synagogue in New Jersey. A review of homes listed in the sale at My Home In Israel Real Estate shows cottages in Efrat, a settlement in the West Bank. The cottages are listed for $1.3 million. The sale is expected to take place on March 10, though does not appear on the Keter Torah Synagogue calendar. “If we allow this sale to go through, we are enabling a local synagogue to violate both domestic anti-discrimination laws and international law,” local activist Rich Siegel told Democracy Now. “Now, there’s other reasons we shouldn’t allow it, OK? There’s a genocide going on right now.”

One day after the publication of Schrader’s story which was faulty and false on multiple levels, UPI itself commendably made extensive revisions and corrections to the article, starting with the headline. The improved headline is “Protest planned against synagogue event marketing West Bank homes.”

UPI’s corrected story made clear that, contrary to Schrader’s original reporting, there was to be no “sale” of “Palestinian land” at the New Jersey synagogue. The significantly amended story now reports:

Palestinian groups are calling for supporters to protest an event at a New Jersey synagogue marketing the sale of homes in the West Bank. A review of homes listed to be showcased in the real estate event by My Home In Israel Real Estate shows cottages in Efrat, a settlement in the West Bank. The cottages are listed for $1.3 million. The event is expected to take place on March 10 at Keter Torah Synagogue in Teaneck, N.J. Palestinian groups had encouraged supporters to protest the event, calling it an auction. Juda Engelmayer, a spokesperson for the synagogue, told UPI that the place of worship has been rented by a group of developers to hold the event. “That said, it’s solely educational and informational, discussing the options, tax and financial implications for U.S. citizens buying property abroad,” Engelmayer said. “No sales happen there and it’s not an auction of any sort.”

Futhermore, UPI’s correction appended to the bottom of the updated story notes: “This story has been updated to clarify that the event is not an auction and to include statements made on behalf of Keter Torah Synagogue.”

Additional changes to Schrader’s original report include the deletion of Richard Siegel’s statement to Democracy Now repeating the false charge of a synagogue sale of allegedly Palestinian land against the backdrop of what he called genocide. Similarly, the following two paragraphs platforming the fringe anti-Israel groups Jewish Voice for Peace piling on with the false genocide smear and other unfounded accusations of war crimes no longer appear in the article:

Meanwhile, a local chapter of Jewish Voice for Peace, a Jewish group that seeks an end to the conflict between Israelis and Palestinians, has told its followers on Instagram to protest Keller Williams in Englewood. “Zionists at Keller-Williams think they’re entitled to steal land from Palestinians and sell it to white Americans,” the group said in its post on Saturday. “Let’s show up on Tuesday and let them know how we feel about them breaking domestic and international laws while the terrorist regime they shamelessly support commits daily war crimes in its genocide of an indigenous population.”

Among Schrader’s numerous errors, he had wrongly reported that the Israeli settlement of Efrat is built on “Palestinian land.” Israeli settlements in the West Bank are built on disputed land, not “Palestinian land.”  The territory’s status, like that of all of the West Bank, is to be resolved by negotiations anticipated by U.N. Security Council resolutions 242 (1967) and 338 (1973), the 1995 Israeli-Palestinian interim accords, the 2003 international “road map” and related diplomatic efforts taking 242 and 338 as reference points. The co-authors of resolution 242, U.S. Under Secretary of State Eugene Rostow, U.S. ambassador to the United Nations Arthur Goldberg, and British ambassador Lord Caradon made clear at the time and subsequently that Jews and Arabs both had claims in the territories, no national sovereignty over the territories had been recognized since the end of Ottoman rule and negotiations would be necessary to resolve competing claims. At no time in history were Palestinians ever sovereign over the land on which Israeli settlements are located. Previous media outlets to correct erroneous this point include The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, Voice of America, and NBC, among many more.

The cooked up story, granting a national spotlight for fringe anti-Israel activists accusing a New Jersey synagogue of illegally selling Palestinian land against the purported context of genocide, puts a target on the back of the Jewish institution at a perilous time when American antisemitism, including violent attacks against Jewish establishments, is on an all-time high. UPI is to be commended for making the much needed changes to the article which should never have appeared, and hopefully going forward, Schrader’s problematic coverage on Jews and Israel will undergo heightened fact-checking prior to publication.

Meanwhile, by the morning of March 6, Schrader’s false and defamatory reporting still appeared on 20 or so McClatchy newspapers which had yet to update with UPI’s March 4 corrected version.

In response to communication from CAMERA, editors at McClatchy subsequently removed Schrader’s story entirely from its publications across the country including Charlotte Observer, Ledger Enquirer, Merced Sun-Star, Miami Herald, Tacuma News Tribune, Fresno Bee, The Olympian, Fort Worth Star-Telegram, The Island Packet, Idaho Statesman, Modesto Bee, Bellingham Herald, Herald Sun (Durham), The State, Wichita Eagle, San Luis Obispo Tribune, Tri-City Herald, Bradenton Herald, Telegraph (Macon), The Sacramento Bee and Sun News (Myrtle Beach).

As of this writing, March UPI’s post on X (formerly Twitter) falsely reporting “New Jersey synagogue will allegedly auction off occupied Palestinian land,” still appears, although CAMERA alerted UPI to the baseless post on March 6.

[trunkards]

Trunkards #673. Trunk or Treat, you pumpkinheads. Feast your eyes on the cover of Tales From The Trunk #43, October 1969 issue, a classic comic book that never existed in this space-time continuum.

For more books that only exist in the Elsewhereverse, click right here.

© 2024 Rick Hutchins

[orangegloom]

czolgosz family photos for those who care