#externalised sense of self

[ms-hells-bells]

I hate comics like surviving romance and other romance trash because the protagonist is always a pretty girl and it makes me feel unworthy of love as an ugly woman. When men make movies they always pair an ugly old man with a pretty young woman, so why can't media aimed at women do the same?

don't base your sense of worth on comics. i agree with 90% of your stance, but also, if you stop being hyperaware of your own looks, and basing your sense of worth on your portrayal as a love interest in fiction, then you tend to do better mentally. that is the more important thing, as we cannot control the creators of mainstream media. you're not unworthy of love but you are also not owed love, and being deeply self conscious and low self esteem in a way that you externalise/project negatively onto others will push away the good types. all good to not read or watch that kind of stuff though, if it makes you feel worse.

[yume127]

I find it interesting how Roxas is often described as the “angry one” or “short-tempered one” when compared to Sora or Ventus, mostly because I always felt Sora and Ven have a shorter fuse than Roxas.

The association between Roxas and anger is understandable, because many of Roxas’ most poignant moments in the series happen when he is very (and understandably) angry, but I also feel like it’s a disservice to his character to only reduce him to his anger, especially when it’s far from who he is in normal circumstances.

For example, during Days, many Organization members treat him poorly and insult him to his face and, for the most part, Roxas doesn’t react at all. In Halloween Town, Lock, Shock, and Barrel throw bombs in his face multiple times before Roxas finally snaps at them. He senses that many people around him are keeping things from him, but it takes him months before he confronts someone about it. That’s far from someone I’d consider short-tempered or easy to anger.

The only situation I can think of when we see him get upset quickly is if anyone does or says something bad to Xion and, even then, the most of his reaction is verbally snapping at Saix to make him stop disrespecting her. In Axel’s case (when Roxas is upset with him for attacking Xion), Roxas doesn’t confront him at all, he just avoids him altogether. Also, I think it’s important to note that every moment in which Roxas is very angry happens when his entire life is falling apart, which is a situation in which, I believe, everyone would be upset.

Roxas seems the kind of person who bottles everything up without much reaction until it becomes too much and he explodes, and that’s when he has a hard time controlling his anger/emotions. Having spent most of his life in the organization probably plays a part in it as, every time he brings up any emotion, his feelings are invalidated and suppressed. That’s not an environment that gave him the tools to process strong emotions in a healthy way.

Let’s compare that to Ventus. Ven is the definition of short-tempered in BBS. He’s ready to throw hands with Vanitas the moment he says something remotely bad about Terra, which was minutes after he met him for the first time. He fought the dwarves without a second thought just because they refused to talk with him. His first reaction when he becomes small and is trapped in a mousetrap is to shout. These are just some examples from the top of my head, but it’s clear Ven has a shorter fuse than Roxas.

Ventus usually expresses how he feels in any given situation and has a short fuse. On the flip side, he doesn’t seem to hold on to these feelings at all. He externalises them the moment he feels them, but then he lets it go and it doesn’t bother him anymore. Out of the three of them, Ventus seems the most open about his emotions and, from what I remember, when he opens up about feeling a certain way with his friends, his feelings are usually not invalidated nor brushed aside. In UX, Ventus seems calmer and doesn’t have much anger in him, but he’s still open to expressing his feelings of low self-worth and sadness with the other union leaders.

Sora, I think he falls in the middle? He seems to have a shorter temper compared to Roxas, which was especially clear in KH2, where he snaps at the Organization multiple times, but he also bottles up his emotions more than Ven, especially around his friends. This happens mostly with his sadness, which he always tries to hide or brush aside, but in KH3 we can also see, for example, how much he’s bothered by everyone constantly bringing up him not passing the Mark of Mastery, even if he tries not to show it.

I think Sora feels like he should always be happy for his friends’ sake, and even during the rare moments when he tries to express his sadness, his feelings are not truly welcomed (“No frowning. No sad faces. This boat runs on happy faces”), so he just tries to brush it off as a joke. He’s loud in expressing any kind of positive emotion, and he openly expresses his anger against his enemies (and to his friends too, sometimes), but he also doesn’t hold on to that anger and is pretty forgiving. However, he usually bottles up his sadness, low self-esteem and other negative feelings, and then explodes when he can’t hold it together any longer (like it happened at the Keyblade Graveyard when he thought all his friends were gone forever).

[pyreo]

I'm comparing the Dungeon Meshi manga to episodes I just watched and now I gotta capital-p Post about this one episode (spoilers past Episode 12)

So this part is an emotional side-step from the central throughline so far - Laios and Marcille got Falin back successfully and reunited, and they got that payoff from the very beginning where they thought it would be impossible. But Chilchuck is very much a part of these layers of development, so after that dragon finally dies, we stop for a second - Laios and Marcille are recovering, Falin has disappeared again - how does Chilchuck feel at that point?

It's the perfect stage to insert that because he didn't really share in that sense of victory in the same way as Laios and Marcille recovering someone extremely close to them. And that's on purpose because he keeps everyone at arms' length. As soon as that arc hits its end and Falin is recovered, there's at last space to ask - why is Chilchuck even here.

He's asking himself that through the chapter. Now that they've lost the person they intended to save, he regrets agreeing to come.

And starts shouldering responsibility for everything ending up this way. We saw that when he got stuck in the mimic room before - he refuses to let himself ask for help, or he'll try to take burdens alone to lessen relying on others. The original Touden Party was six people, and when Laios insisted on going back underground they were two, and he knew they would die, and figured maybe, maybe if they were one more, with his skillset, maybe they'd have a chance. He couldn't let them walk back down just to die.

And he's going back to that mindset - their lives are on me. He thinks he could have prevented this if he'd chosen differently. Essentially, the walk alongside the orc woman is him working through a guilt spiral.

He sees a second chance to correct that mistake of joining the party. He wants them out now, before they die. The orc asks him how they defeated a dragon and, in explaining it, he reminds himself of all the risky, ridiculous things they had to do, and he isn't satisfied with just getting lucky. Laios got his foot bitten off, on purpose! This proves to him that if they go any further they will not survive. And he hints at this dissatisfaction a couple chapters later, wishing his teammates prioritised things other than winning at all costs...

Like, obviously. The point of this chapter is Chilchuck pretending to be a self-serving coward. To the point where others react with disdain, even disgust, towards him because he wants to lie to Marcille and Laios to ensure they turn back. He's desperate to get out of a hopeless situation by any means necessary, and will destroy his standing in the group in a blink if it means nobody else dies. He has to go on a stupid mental health walk for his stupid mental health and talk through his little bout of panic and doubt.

'You called me a coward so don't be surprised when I act accordingly'

He needs someone very blunt to tell him 'dude you're not being a coward for wanting your friends to get out of hell alive. you're a coward for making excuses instead of honestly telling them your concern is genuine' and he BSODs about it. He needs to rant and externalise that frustration over their recklessness at a third party. He needs to scream that they are idiots because he's the only one for which the ends don't justify the means and he can't keep losing his mind over everyone's safety. Down to a point, the orc praises their ability to survive the explosion from the dragon's fuel sac, and it only justifies Chilchuck - Falin didn't even know she could cast the spell that stopped them all being killed, and they cannot continue getting lucky like this.

Anyway. The reason I stopped to think about it was this part-

Where he recovers Laios's monster-infused sword. The thing that made their situation in the dragon fight go from bad to worse, that he swore at Laios for in every language he knew. The most angry we'd seen him. And now he calmly picks it up and praises it for being the only one of them smart enough to make a run for it.

He's projecting, obviously. He's internalising the label of 'coward' and changing himself to fit it. And, look at him, he's so tired of this. It's evidence of his sheer exhaustion that his anger immediately disappears and he actually gives it a compliment. Him and Laios's sword, the group cowards, the only one who agrees with him.

Then, because he had a walk before getting into the argument, he's organised his feelings and drops all the walls and pretense and just says it.

There's a rule of writing where you contrast your high energy sequences with parts that are slow and mundane, to make the difference more apparent. I think that's why I like this bit so much. The fight against the dragon is long, and the emotional stakes are enormous. Right after that we have the bath scene with Falin and Marcille, and Laios ruffling Falin's hair, and this part that pauses everything to explore the stuff that Chilchuck finally needs to say. And it's wrapped in this neat little solemn journey to pick up their supplies and remember how it felt when all five of them had a meal around a real dinner table at last.

And because he doesn't resort to individualistic trickery, because he explains his point as a duty of care rather than pitting himself against the others, he gets backed up. Senshi agrees that they don't have the supplies to continue, and the orc lady mentions her brethren will return later and can give them support, all of which together breaks down Laios's singleminded devotion to his cause.

Personally I think the manga's better suited to comic timing, but in the anime you can get fleshed out little moments, like Laios's face journey as he realises the other three are making a good case for their survival.

This was my favourite part so far, and I like how both Chilchuck-centric episodes have separated him from the others. Because he won't reveal anything he's thinking otherwise. lmao

[vesora]

deferred occupancy [+ rant]

as per neville, this is the common fault of man and i agree. sadly to say, i have done the same.

what does deferred occupancy mean?

you are not occupying the state right now. you are waiting until you tap into the void. you are waiting until the 3d conforms. you are waiting until someone gives it to you. but you are not occupying it right now.

you have in mind to occupy it later or you will experience the state when it comes in the 3d, not realising that the state must be fulfilled first in imagination then it will materialise in the 3d.

do not keep creating, do not keep constructing, do not think of your desire as something that you are not one with already. you must occupy NOW. you must accept you have it NOW. daydream knowing what you are dreaming is true. script knowing what you are scripting is true right NOW.

you are not manifesting it. you have already manifested it.

continuously remind yourself that you are the only creator of your reality so that you do not become an inmate in this sense-world. break free from this illusion. you are the creator. you can control everything. you are a God in a human body. you are GOD. you are a beautiful divine spiritual being who is limitless. Humans were made in the likeness of God therefore we can do whatever God can do. There is no separation between God and me. None at all. We are one.

Stop viewing your desires as something not in your possession yet. Stop scripting as if you don't have it yet. You have it right now. The 4D comes first then the 3D conforms. The change in the 4D must be made. The change in self must be made.

It is fruitless to not occupy your state right now. You will keep daydreaming ABOUT your desires and not FROM. You will keep viewing the desires as something outside out of you, something that is not unified with you. This will lead you to keep running in circles, blaming the 3D for not conforming when it is you who has not changed self yet and deferred occupancy of your desired state.

Slam the door on any doubts or worries you have. I don't care, slam it. Ignore it. Oh what if my desires don't manifest? Who the fuck is the 3d to tell YOU, a GOD, what is a fact or not? Tell the doubts to go fuck themselves. Or gently scold them whatever floats your boat. Fact is, do not pay attention or you will keep running in circles. Just let go and believe. Just let go and try without controlling the outcome on a conscious level by worrying about time etc.. it will materialise soon, it has no choice but to!

Be still and know you are God {@lotusmi hehe}. It is done. Why? Because you said so. It is done because you fucking said so.

Remember who you are. You have the power to change anything in your life, simply by thinking from the desire; simply by becoming the desire. The external reality is extremely malleable and our creative mind is the Potter. We mold the external reality through our assumptions. If you assume something, it has no choice but to materialise. If you have FAITH, you will have it in the 3d. Even if you don't, you will still have it, especially if you work on your self concept.

Stop waiting. STOP WAITING! YOU HAVE IT NOW. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WAIT FOR. Your unwillingness to accept you have it now already is what is delaying the externalisation of your manifestations. Because creation is finished! It's done!

You lost 100 euros and you're stressed? No youre not, 100 euros is like 1 cent to you. Tell your subconscious that you're not stressed because you're a millionaire and handle the situation as you would normally because the state is not lost! The outer man does not manifest, the inner man does; the real self does! The subcon only hears what you tell it, so tell it wonderful things. Accept you have these things. Do not wait. Do not wait PLEASE.

You have everything you need right now. All the knowledge needed, you have it already. It is done. It is done because you said it's done. And who are you to say it's done? You are God, you are the ONLY creator / molder of your reality, outside forces don't exist. Even if you believe outside forces exist, they have NO influence in your reality; NONE AT ALL. So, how can you say you don't have it when you are the creator?

Occupy the state now. It is done. Stop waiting and think from it. You already are it. YOU HAVE IT RIGHT NOW. DO NOT BE A SLAVE TO THE 3D SENSES. YOU HAVE IT RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE IN CONTROL. YOU CAN DO THE IMPOSSIBLE. THERE IS NONE THAT CAN CONTROL YOUR EXPERIENCE EXCEPT YOU!!!!

THE 4D CREATES THE 3D. DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THE 3D. IT WILL AND MUST CHANGE IF YOU OCCUPY THE STATE EVEN BY JUST AFFIRMING. JUST HAVE IT RIGHT NOW. HAVE IT. YOU ALREADY DO. IT'S DONE

YOURE SCARED? NO YOURE NOT. WHY WOULD YOU BE SCARED? WHY WOULD YOU ASSUME YOU WILL FEEL SCARED WHEN THE DESIRES MANIFEST? ASSUME THAT YOU FEEL ONLY THE BEST EMOTIONS AND ONLY GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU.

THE CHANGE OF THE 3D IS NOT PERMANENT. IT IS EASILY MOLDED. IT IS NOT HARD. YOU CREATED IT. IF YOU REGRET SOMETHING, GO BACK. BUT DO NOT LET THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN HOLD YOU BACK FROM MANIFESTING TRUE UNBRIDLED HAPPINESS.

FUCK FEAR. IT HAS NO PLACE IN OUR LIVES. HOW CAN WE BE SCARED WHEN WE ARE IN CONTROL OF EACH ASPECT OF OUR LIVES? HOW CAN WE FUCKING DOUBT OURSELVES? GET UP. STAND UP. YOU HAVE IT NOW.

[youremyheaven]

The Curse of Limitless Expansion: Jupiter's Shadow

I have covered the "negative" manifestations or the shadow side (as I prefer to call it) of different planetary influences, such as Venus, Moon, Rahu & Ketu and whilst I have explored Jupiter's different manifestations before, I thought it is time to do a more in-depth analysis of Jupiter's shadow.

Being the largest planet in our solar system, Jupiter is expansive and its natives are internally spacious and vast. I had observed previously that Jupiter is similar to Rahu in terms of its spaciousness (Claire had also observed the similarities between Punarvasu & Swati) but the difference is that Rahu is truly limitless in its expansive ability as it quite literally does not have physical form (Rahu refers to the north node of the Moon) Jupiter may be vast but it does have limits, it's bound by its massive capacity but since it does have a physical form, that means it also has limitations, it has a tipping point. This is why Jupiterean natives suffer or have the ability to realize they have "gone too far". Rahuvians have a "point of no return" mentality, they think they've gone too far but have to keep going since it no longer makes sense to return now.

Some people believe that since Jupiter is the planet of luck, abundance, growth and healing (or generally perceived as a "positive" planet) it somehow does not have a "dark side". This is untrue. Jupiter's darkness is just as terrifying as that of any other planet. The bigger the planet, the bigger the shadow.

Jupiter's shadow manifests as a god complex, messiah complex and megalomania, most commonly seen in men.

Men and women channel their nakshatras and planetary influence differently. Men tend to externalise their problems and women tend to internalise theirs. Men tend to inflict destruction upon others and women tend to self-destruct (@lasirenesensible tysm for pointing this out to me, it's a very valuable insight).

The scope of this post includes a few women but I'll discuss how Jupiter's shadow manifests in women on a separate post in the future.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that a planet known as the "Guru" or teacher is prone to making a lot of people under its influence proclaim themselves as Messiahs or divine teachers, many famous pseudo-spiritual "gurus" have Jupiter ruled naks in their big 3. They are merely charlatans with a Messiah complex driven by their ego to expand beyond reach. This is a toxic trait of Jupiter natives.

Ryuho Okawa- Punarvasu Sun, Purvabhadrapada Mars atmakaraka

He was a Japanese religious and political leader who was the CEO and founder of the Happy Science and the Happiness Realization Party. His organization has been widely criticised as a cult. Adherents of the religion worship Okawa, who claimed to be the current incarnation of a god called “El Cantare" and a number of other beings, including Hermes and Gautama Buddha.

L Ron Hubbard, Purvabhadrapada Sun conjunct Mercury and Jupiter conjunct Ketu in Vishaka (he also had Magha Moon)

He is the founder of Scientology lmao and basically co-opted a lot of eastern oriental thought mixed it with his malignant narcissism and created a religion based on spiritual hogwash. One of its most famous recruits is Tom Cruise, Punarvasu Moon

Jim Jones- Punarvasu Sun & Mercury (he was also Shatabhisha Moon)

He is known for being the (cult) leader of the Peoples Temple religious group and for the Jonestown Massacre, when he led the mass murder-suicide of more than 900 members of the group at their commune in Jonestown, Guyana, on November 18, 1978.

fun fact: Suga from BTS (Purvabhadrapada Sun conjunct Mercury) sampled a bit from a sermon given by Jim Jones for the track "what do you think" from his mixtape D-2, he removed it following the controversy

"… though you are dead, yet you shall live, and he that liveth and believeth shall never die."— Jim Jones

I feel like it is way too specific and niche for him to not have intended to put it there or have known who Jim Jones was lol but I digress

But on that note, this whole self-belief thing (as we see from Jim Jones' quote) also seems to be tied to Jupiter's nature. These natives have insane self belief.

Will Smith, Vishaka Moon is kind of an early proponent of manifestation. He's been talking about it since the early 90s.

Jim Carrey, Vishaka Rising is another celebrity who has been talking about manifestation since the 90s.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Punarvasu Rising (and stellium)

He has talked about the power of the mind and visualisation A LOT. The key to achieving anything in life is to believe you can do it but many experiences (including trauma, self doubt etc) makes it hard for many people to persist in their belief, they hold themselves back. Jupiter's strength lies in its ability to be so vast and bold in its belief, their spaciousness means no matter what they've been through, they just know there's a way through, that they will make it out. This is their inherent nature.

Nikola Tesla, Punarvasu Sun developed the 3 6 9 method of manifestation (as @brundlefly3333 pointed out)

Kanye West, Purvabhadrapada Moon is another celebrity who has spoken about the Law, the power of self-belief etc etc a LOT.

It goes to show how easy it is for self-belief to turn into delusions of grandeur and make someone a narcissist. It is truly dangerous because Jupiter's influence on the masses is immense so whatever a Jupiter native may proclaim, they have the ability to affect many people through it. Some of the men I mentioned above convinced others that they were God and even made them kill themselves for it. This is a scary, dangerous manifestation of Jupiter's "guru" nature wielding vast influence on others and being absolutely convinced of one's righteousness

anywayssss

Mussolini- Vishaka Rising, Jupiter in Punarvasu amatyakaraka (he was also a Rohini Moon and Pushya Sun👀)

Benito Mussolini is like the OG dictator. He created fascism, a movement that would plunge most of Europe into darkness. From undermining judges to indoctrinating children, he pioneered key tactics that other dictators would use to seize power.

I specify Nodal influence in these individuals because I think the limitlessness and expansiveness of Nodal influence wrecks havoc to the already expansive nature of Jupiter and makes these natives more reckless.

I also specify Moon influence because as I already discussed in my posts, Moon influence can easily morph into cruelty and corruption and I think Moon & Jupiter together can be a dangerous combo if the native is imbalanced.

If you take anything away from these posts it would be that literally anybody with any placement/nak/planet is capable of being truly evil. There is no specific nak/planet that is a "guarantee" against evil. It truly comes down to the individual to choose how they want to live (I believe in free will and I do not condone in using astrology in a fatalistic way at all).

Ferdinand Marcos- Punarvasu Moon (he also has Ardra ascendant conjunct Ketu and a lot of Moon influence)

Ferdinand Marcos developed a cult of personality as a way of remaining President of the Philippines for 20 years, in a way that political scientists have compared to other authoritarian and totalitarian leaders such as Joseph Stalin and Adolf Hitler, but also to more contemporary dictators such as Suharto in Indonesia, Saddam Hussein in Iraq, and the Kim dynasty of North Korea.

The propaganda techniques used, either by himself or by others, to mythologize Ferdinand Marcos, began with local political machinations in Ilocos Norte while Ferdinand was still the young son of politician and Japanese collaborator Mariano Marcos, and persist today in the efforts to revise the way Marcos is portrayed in Philippine history. According to members of his administration, such as Adrian Cristobal, Marcos's intent was to project an image of himself "the only patron, the king" of Philippine society, which he still saw as a society of tribes." Cristobal furthers that "Marcos and the First Lady wanted more than anything else [...] to be king and queen. They wished to shape the kingdom in their own image; [...] Marcos wanted to be able to say, 'L'État, c'est moi.'" ("the state, that is me") In some extreme cases where Marcos encouraged the formation of cults so that they could serve as a political weapon, Marcos came to be thought of as a God.

Sun Myung Moon- Mercury conjunct Rising in Purvabhadrapada (he also has Shatabhisha Sun)

He was the founder and leader of the Unification Church established in Seoul, South Korea, who considered himself the Second Coming of Christ, but not Jesus himself. It is generally believed by Unification Church members ("Moonies") that he was the Messiah and the Second Coming of Christ and was anointed to fulfil Jesus' unfinished mission.

The thing about all these men claiming to be God/Messiahs is that there were people who believed them and followed them blindly and uncritically. Anybody can claim these things but not everybody can acquire power and influence and lead people this way. This is another aspect of Jupiter (not to repeat myself again and again but yeah it's the whole "Guru" thing, people look at you as a figure of knowledge and wisdom, and these people project natural leadership qualities).

You can't just be crazy or narcissistic enough to believe these things, you also have to be strategic enough to amass a following. To be a leader and a guru requires a certain commitment and discipline. These are all Jupiterean qualities (that are used for malicious purposes here).

Augusto Pinochet- Punarvasu Moon conjunct Saturn, Mercury in Vishaka atmakaraka, Jupiter in Purva bhadrapada amatyakaraka

He was a dictator who ruled Chile and claimed he was a visionary who was "guided by the mysterious hand of God". He had a cult of personality surrounding him

After his rise to power, Pinochet persecuted leftists, socialists, and political critics, resulting in the executions of 1,200 to 3,200 people, the internment of as many as 80,000 people, and the torture of tens of thousands. According to the Chilean government, the number of executions and forced disappearances was at least 3,095. Operation Condor, a U.S.-supported terror operation focusing on South America, was founded at the behest of the Pinochet regime in late November 1975, his 60th birthday.

Jupiter's expansive nature manifests as greed when an individual is imbalanced or spiritually stunted. This drives a need to acquire massive wealth or spread their influence/reign/territories. If the individual is spiritually evolved, their focus will be to balance the spaciousness within and not project it outward in continuous expansion.

Hafez el Assad- Mars in Punarvasu atmakaraka, Jupiter in Punarvasu amatyakaraka and Venus in Vishaka (he also had Hasta Sun)

Syria's Hafez al-Assad, a Ba'athist officer who seized power through a coup d'état in 1970, established a pervasive cult of personality to maintain his dictatorship. As soon as he took over power, Ba'ath party loyalists designated him as "Al-Abad"; an Arabic terminology with deep religious dimensions. Linguistically, ''Al-Abad'' means "forever, infinite and immortality" and religious clerics use this term in relation to Divine Attributes. By designating Assad as "Al-Abad", Syrian Ba'ath Movement ideologically elevated Hafez al-Assad as its "Immortal", "god-like figure" who is supposed to represent the state as well as the Syrian nation itself. Another meaning of Al-Abad is "permanent", which is used in state propaganda to denote the perpetual status quo of an "eternal political order" created by Hafez al-Assad, who continues to live in Assadist ideology. The term's verbal form "Abada" means "to commit genocide" including the "symbolical; performative side of violence". This dimension has been weaponized by the Assad regime to monopolize violence against alleged dissidents and justify state terrorism, including genocidal acts of mass murder like the Hama Massacre, Qamishli Massacre and other massacres of the Syrian civil war.

Jayalalithaa- Punarvasu Rising (Shatabhisha Sun & Magha Moon)

She was the Chief Minister of the state of Tamil Nadu in India and was an actor turned politician who had a cult following (they called her "Amma" or "mother" which I think is interesting that she was this mother figure/matriarch because of Punarvasu's deity Aditi being the Cosmic mother). She was a corrupt politician but the masses largely overlooked this and she was known for being a bit of a tyrannical figure who expected absolute loyalty from her party members who often publicly prostrated before her (not kidding).

Not as brutal as some of the other people on this list but her personality cult and influence over her following is crazyyy (I'm Indian so I'd know) and when she died in 2016, her state observed a 7 day mourning period.

Mata Amritanandamayi Devi- Vishaka Rising (she also has Hasta Sun👀)

She's an Indian spiritual guru known as the "hugging saint", she's still alive and has millions of followers and there hasn't yet been a proper expose but her cult has been controversial for ages especially after it started recruiting spiritually confused white people into its mix. A lot of it is unexplained, she's most definitely a millionaire at this point and we have no idea what actually goes on behind closed doors. Many of the alleged miracles that she has performed have been debunked on many occasions. To think that she has football stadiums full of people who worship her and think she's the divine incarnate is sooo crazy

Ram Dass- Punarvasu Rising

He helped popularize yoga and Eastern spirituality in the West. I don't think he's cruel or shady, just a regular white guy who had a spiritual awakening in India and co-opted thousands of years of Vedic wisdom and teachings to "introduce" it to the West. But his influence is unmatched to say the least, he spearheaded a whole movement and made eastern spirituality mainstream in the west. This is a manifestation of Jupiter's boundless nature.

Oppenheimer- Punarvasu Moon

the man who developed the first ever nuclear weapons was a Punarvasu lol

he truly believed that he was doing the "right thing" because (you already know all this if you watched the movie) Germany was bound to develop these weapons and cause mass destruction and Oppenheimer thought he was on the right side of history by making these weapons for America and by extension for the Allies

"After Germany's surrender in 1945, some scientists questioned the bomb's relevance. Oppenheimer believed it would end the ongoing Pacific War and save Allied lives. The Trinity test is successful, and President Harry S. Truman orders the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, resulting in Japan's surrender. Though publicly praised, Oppenheimer is guilt-ridden and haunted by the destruction and mass fatalities. After Oppenheimer expresses his guilt to Truman, the president berates him and dismisses his plea to cease further atomic development." (this is an excerpt from the movie's wiki lol)

it just goes to show how self-belief isn't a good thing on its own because you can make yourself believe anything. I guess Oppenheimer's guilt has to count for something ??? Idk how many people mentioned on this list felt guilt because of the destruction they caused, Oppenheimer had a conscience et.al

Elon Musk, Punarvasu Rising

He is the richest man in the world and is on a quest to own everything he can and colonize Mars, need I say more? Idk if this is a strange manifestation of Punarvasu's deity Aditi being the Cosmic Mother (either that or the man has a breeding kink) but this guy procreates at the speed of light (he has 6 kids right now with 3 different women I believe)

Tommy Mottola- Punarvasu Sun (Swati Moon)

the asshole who trapped Mariah Carey (Punarvasu Moon) in a hellish controlling marriage for 8 years. He was the CEO of Sony Music in the 90s and was known for being a megalomaniac (look up his feud with Michael Jackson) he has ruined the careers of many and is known in the music industry for being a really scary controlling maniac

Anders Behring Breivik- Punarvasu Rising

He blew up a bomb in the centre of Oslo. Meanwhile went to an island where a political youth gathering was taking place. Dressed up as a cop he would kill 69 people on the island of Utøya, and call out to teenagers hiding saying it was safe to come out, those who believed him and came out were shot.

Alfred Hitchcock- Vishaka Moon (also Shatabhisha Rising with a lot of Moon influence in his chart)

He basically stalked some actresses and tried to control their lives; told them what they could/couldn’t eat, and where they could/couldn’t go. He sent Tippi Hedren inappropriate Valentine's letters. She claims he threw himself atop her in a hotel room and kissed her — and in her biography accused him of sexual assault. Yet another Jupiterean megalomaniac.

Al Capone- Purvabhadrapada Rising

 He joined the Five Points Gang as a teenager and became a bouncer in organized crime premises such as brothels. In his early twenties, Capone moved to Chicago and became a bodyguard and trusted factotum for Johnny Torrio, head of a criminal syndicate that illegally supplied alcohol—the forerunner of the Outfit—and was politically protected through the Unione Siciliana. A conflict with the North Side Gang was instrumental in Capone's rise and fall. Torrio went into retirement after North Side gunmen almost killed him, handing control to Capone. Capone expanded the bootlegging business through increasingly violent means, but his mutually profitable relationships with Mayor William Hale Thompson and the Chicago Police Department meant he seemed safe from law enforcement.

Capone apparently revelled in attention, such as the cheers from spectators when he appeared at baseball games. He made donations to various charities and was viewed by many as a "modern-day Robin Hood". However, the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre, in which seven gang rivals were murdered in broad daylight, damaged the public image of Chicago and Capone, leading influential citizens to demand government action and newspapers to dub Capone "Public Enemy No. 1".

Robert DeNiro played Al Capone in The Untouchables (1987)

Idk whats the link between PBP and the mafia but Scorsese (PBP Moon) has made manyyy mafia themed movies and Robert DeNiro (PBP Moon) has starred as a mob boss on multiple occasions.

Having Jupiter influence really is like having unwielded power and if a native isn't mature enough to channel it appropriately then they can easily lose themselves to malignant narcissism, god complex and megalomania.

It requires a great deal of wisdom to wield this ability wisely and for the greater good

Jupiter influence is very prominent in the charts of royalty, another group prone to megalomania and god complexes lol. Jupiter bestows its natives with power, status and affluence but one must wield it carefully.

Punarvasu is widely accepted as the most auspicious of Jupiter-ruled naks (due to its themes and its deity) whereas Vishaka and Purvabhadrapada are both harsher manifestations of Jupiterean energy but even the most "gentle" of Jupiterean naks still came up in the charts of some of the horrible people I mention in this post. Basically, no one is exempt from being cruel, obviously, everything depends on the chart as a whole (a person is more than the sum of their parts) but that said the presence of a nakshatra considered "auspicious" (Jupiter ruled or otherwise) does not automatically qualify as some kind of redeeming quality lol. Everybody has to consciously choose their actions and be good and do good aka anybody can be cruel and evil and yes even Jupiter has its dark side/shadow.

hope this post was interesting xx

[study-like-you-mean-it]

2024 Goal Setting for People Who Used to be Studyblr Queens and are Now Just Muddling Through Adult Life

I know you, you know me. I've had this account since I was freshly 16 and I'm 23 (and a half) now, and I can guarantee there's loads of you in the same boat right now.

Where did I go? What did I do? I finished my Master's Degree and realised (with some trepidation) at the end of it that I'd achieved everything that was on my list of things to achieve ever, and I didn't really have a plan on what I was going to do, so for what may have been the first time in my life I just...winged it. Started measuring progress according to how I felt about it. And it worked! Lots of good has come out of it so let me suggest some goal setting approaches to help if you're in a similar position (and given the studyblr -> chaos pipeline I might suggest there's at least a few people this might help)

Point 1 - Don't set yourself academic goals

"But Study Like You Mean It, I always set academic goals!" I hear you say. I appreciate the irony of my username in relation to this. Point is, you're not in academia anymore. You need to stop goal setting like you're in academia, and the easiest way to do this is to stop setting academic goals.

"But I like the pursuit of knowledge!" I hear you counter. So do I, but if you've just come out of a hothouse academic setting, you *really* need to consider who you're goal setting for. Do you like the idea of being a polyglot by the end of the year? Sure, fine, whatever, but consider who you're goal setting for. Do you want to be a polyglot because you like the process of learning languages, or because you want to show to others that you know languages? It sounds silly, but you're not working to a grade anymore, and it's absolutely essential that you reflect on why you like doing academic things. This doesn't apply to everyone, but I would kick off the process of self-reflection on this (because you know the Studyblr types are most likely guilty of performative learning) by refusing to set yourself academic goals.

If you don't hit a yardstick, what's the worst that will happen?

(nothing- the answer is nothing and you need to start getting comfortable with that)

Point 2 - Set Process-Based Goals

Building on the last point, if you want to have achieved something by the end of the year, how can you frame it in a way that's definitely not you trying to put down a point to show to others that you've improved, and instead internalise your sense of progress? Maybe the goal you set is "by the end of the year, I want to feel like I understand internalised growth and progress", and you'll know at the end of the year when you self-reflect if you've succeeded in that.

Otherwise, set a process-based goal. If you want to get better at something, but know you're guilty of holding yourself to externalised yardsticks, set yourself a goal that's about the process rather than the result. Scary, I know. For example, say you want to start playing a sport. If you go in without a process-based goal, you could end up saying to yourself "I want to put myself in a position where I qualify for a team two leagues above by the end of the season," which is a SMART* goal, but incredibly determined by outside reflections on your own ability, and very end-result focused. There's a time and a place for goals like this, but if you're coming off a high-intensity academic environment, I would argue that it's not the right place. Instead, what about "I will show up every week and be positive about the fact that I'm not perfect"? It's about the learning process, and I think post-university a lot of people fall out of love with the actual learning process, and become too mired in results.

*specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound

Point 3 - What happens if you don't hit your goal?

I love asking this question to people who've come out of academic environments.

Literally what's going to happen if you can't meet the goal that you've set for yourself when you set an end-goal focused goal?

Nothing!!!!!

It's so freeing. Embrace it! There are no time bounds on learning, so enjoy the learning! There's no exam to pass, no professors to wow, no applications to get accepted. It's just you learning how to be you, and remembering why you love to get good at things!

Part 4 - Habits =/= Goals

This one maybe is a bit tricky to explain. It's the difference between "I'm going to get into the practice of reading on my commute when I can" and "I must finish 10 books this year by reading on my commute when I can". One of them is about introducing something new into your life because it makes you feel good, and the other one is about setting limits on that because you feel you need to control the way that you enjoy things (this comes from academia putting constraints on learning, etc.).

Be patient with yourself, for goodness' sakes. Get into the habit and enjoy the process, don't automatically find ways to be masochistic about it.

My Goal Setting Approach

Now I've clarified the kinds of goals to set in this new and scary world, I'll run through my approach to implement them. First thing to note is I like setting lots of goals, but then those all get broken into little habits that I can focus on in my day to day, as well as timeline-less tasks to accomplish when I've got the time free.

I start with areas I'd like to improve myself in (again, not as a discipline thing, but towards the vision that I might be a more rounded and enriched person because of it):

Personal - how can I become more introspective/calm/mindful?

Financial - how can I become more fiscally responsible now I'm an adult?

Social - how do I make time for others?

Work - what does progress at work over this year look like?

Sport - this can be replaced by whatever your main hobby is

Intellectual - how can I enrich myself and learn about things that I'm interested in?

I won't run through all of these, but I'll create some examples:

Domain: Financial - how can I become more fiscally responsible now I'm an adult?

General points on this: I can save more money, I can improve my credit score, I can pay off some loans

Habits: for the first, I can maybe aim to save 20% of my takehome, by putting 10% in at the start of the month, and trying to put 10% in at the end if I've got enough, and I can set up the timelineless task of opening a high interest-rate savings account for money that I don't need for emergency access; for the second, I can set the timelineless task of setting up a credit card, and get into the habit of paying for my groceries with it; for the third, I can sit down and look at how much of my takehome I can dedicate to this, and then get into the habit of paying off a sustainable amount

Now, I have the timelineless tasks fo getting a credit card, opening a new savings account, and sitting down and looking at my loans, and then I have the two habits of tucking bits of money away and paying off some loans. Note that there's nothing that's made it too urgent (which I admit is a privilege) and there's nothing that tells me I'm a bad person for not being able to do it. Another example:

Domain: intellectual - how can I enrich myself and learn about things that I'm interested in?

General points on this: I would like to read more broadly, I would like to improve my French, I would like to understand more about world events

Habits: for the first, I can read on my commute when I can get a seat on the train, as I have half an hour each way so I can use that time to read. I can set the timelineless task of exploring the kinds of books that I'd like to read; for the second, I can choose to consume more French media when I feel like I have the mental capacity. I also have to speak French at work, so I want to get into the habit of not cowarding out and switching to English (scary but doable); for the last, I can get into the habit of watching the evening news (so it's contained within a time slot and I'm not being overwhelmed by the 24h news cycle) and I can set the timelineless task of picking up a copy of a magazine like the economist once in a while to get a deeper understanding.

So the habits to get into are reading on my commute, choosing to speak more in French, and watching the news when I can; the tasks are maybe picking up a copy of a magazine and coming up with a reading list.

The whole point of this approach is it breaks your bigger goals into a timeline-free to-do list, and then a list of small habits that you can get into. The good news is that there's no punishment for failure! If I want to listen to the Bongo's Bingo Greatest Hits playlist on the train one morning instead of reading about the modern history of Cambodia, nobody's going to come along and tell me off for not being serious enough, or clever enough, or "academic" enough about my approach to life. The to-do list aspect I find immensely helpful, as often I struggle to write larger-level to-do lists when I'm in the middle of the year, because I don't have the same kind of clarity over the types of progress I want to make when I'm in the middle of things.

Anyway, I hope this is useful, and a good counterpoint to the mindset that everyone who's ever been near Studyblr has. Learning now is only for enjoyment, so enjoy that aspect! Live your life! Understand that the process of betterment is all about enriching your personal sphere and nothing about other people because (drumroll) literally nobody else cares! In a good way! Nobody cares that you've not mastered Polish in 3 weeks or read the entire academic output of Montaigne in a week! And it's cool if you have, but the person you are is more important, and freeing yourself from external yardsticks is so so crucial!

Love to anyone who read this far ♥

[sweetasadaisy]

Glowing up: A journey towards self-improvement

The reason I want to glow up is because I am determined to make positive changes in my life. I want to improve my health, enhance my appearance, and become a better version of myself. For as long as I can remember, I've been lazy, mediocre, self-destructive and unkind. But I refuse to be like that any longer. With hard work and dedication, I know I can transform myself into someone I'm proud of. I know it won't be easy, but I'm ready to take on the challenge and become the best possible version of myself.

Part 1:Physical wellness

Inspiration:Pink Pilates Princess and Green Juice Girl

The physical aspect of glowing up goes beyond aesthetics. Although, I won't deny that the main reason is doing it. It's about feeling strong, energized, and confident in your skin. I struggle with chronic migraines, fatigue and Self-destructive behaviours. My self-destructive behaviours are things I unconsciously do to make myself unattractive like binge eating because I want to be skinny but my brain doesn't want me to be skinny because it knows it will make me happy and unconsciously I don't want to be happy. I also cut my hair short because I love long hair and I cut my hair every time it gets long because I secretly hate myself and don't want to be happy. (This probably belongs in the mental wellness part.)My plan to improve my physical health is to lose weight gained from years of binging and become fit.

Goals

Lose almost 30lbs by

Eating porpotioned healthily balanced meals(<1450kcals)

Taking my vitamins

Exercising at least 3hrs a week

Getting 10k steps a day

Sleep at 11pm at latest and wake up at 5/6 am

Develop a skincare routine

Grow my hair back to waist length

Part 2:Mental, Emotional and social wellness

Inspiration:That girl and Clean girl

Mental health is the cornerstone of glowing up. It involves cultivating a positive mindset, managing stress, and fostering resilience. Emotional health involves understanding and managing our emotions in a healthy way. It's about cultivating self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and developing coping strategies for life's challenges. Social health involves building and maintaining meaningful relationships, setting boundaries, and fostering a sense of belonging. I have struggled with my mental health for a long time. I am diagnosed with depression and I have dealt with binge eating on and off for years. I have low self-esteem and self-worth. I never liked myself since I was young. (I think I know the reason but I don't want to share.)The hatred I felt for myself got externalised into hatred, envy, jealousy and unkindness towards others. I am going to change that by:

Getting a therapist

Self care

Being positive

Thinking before I speak

Practicing gratitude

Clean my room once a day

Meet with friends outside of school at least once a month

Part 3: Spiritual wellness

Inspiration: That Christian girl

Nurturing spiritual health provides a sense of purpose, connection, and inner peace. I was born catholic and went to catholic school from the age of 5 to 11(ages 7-11 were an only-girl school). I became an atheist at 11 and have been struggling with my relationship with God ever since. I was born and raised catholic but I was never properly Cathechized. That is because my parents(My mom is a cradle catholic and my dad was born catholic but became Pentecostal) are lukewarm and don't teach me and my siblings about God, the Bible and the Catholic Church. My parents have had multiple children and have not married. (I don't want them to get married to be honest because they are not right for each other and they aren't the best example of a healthy relationship.) My mom only started regularly attending church because I asked her that we start going. My parents aren't the best example of good Christians. Also, in catholic school days teach you nothing about the catholic church they just read the bible to you every morning, make you pray 3-4 times a day and bring you to church once a week. Catholic school wasn't that bad because catechizing me wasn't their job it was my parents. My goals to become strengthen my relationship with God are:

Attend mass on all Sundays and days of obligation

Pray at least twice a day and before eating

Read the Bible daily

Learn about the catholic church and catechize myself

Got to confession eventually

Do my confirmation

Become a Proverbs 31 woman

Part 4: Intellectual wellness

Inspiration:Academic weapon

Continuous learning and intellectual stimulation are essential components of glowing up. An Academic Weapon is a student who is perceived as particularly successful in academics as a whole. My grades are mediocre but i can easily fix that if i stop being lazy and study more. I am going to:

Study atleat 3hrs a day un top of homework

Have an 8-hour study session once a week.

Read one book a month

Join more clubs

Take every opportunity to learn

Conclusion

Glowing up is not a destination but a lifelong journey of self-discovery and personal growth. By nurturing physical, mental, spiritual, social, emotional, and intellectual health, we can become the best versions of ourselves. Whether you're striving to be that Christian girl, a pink Pilates princess, a green juice girl, clean girl or an academic weapon, remember that the most beautiful glow comes from within.

[saintsenara]

mmmh another ship ask

Lets go with snumbledore, (snape really has a weakness for powerful men + redheads)

this is so true and real, anon.

i’m weirdly into snumbledore, because i think it’s really one of the best ships - and, really, probably one of the only ships - which can show dumbledore actually doing some self growth.

because, obviously, it starts out with the potential for horror baked into it. snape and dumbledore have a vast power imbalance at pretty much all points of their acquaintance, and would even without the fact that dumbledore is the one person who keeps snape out of azkaban and who uses that fact to leverage control over him in the mission against voldemort. the age gap is colossal. dumbledore sends snape out to potentially die every time he goes off to voldemort, which requires him to have a certain detachment from snape as a real person.

and - and this is the crucial one - dumbledore’s recognition of himself in snape is pure self-loathing - "you disgust me" - which manifests itself as punishment [dumbledore allowing snape to be humiliated in front of his fellow teachers in philosopher’s stone - as quirrell says about snape’s decision to referee a quidditch match which dumbledore attends anyway, rendering quirrell too afraid to try any funny business - and fudge in prisoner of azkaban; not stopping the presumed-to-be-real moody searching his office in goblet of fire; making him give harry occlumency lessons in order of the phoenix, even though he undoubtedly realises that they will be disastrous; and not letting him teach defence against the dark arts] externalised against snape as a way for dumbledore to soothe his desire to punish himself.

but then this stops in the hazy couple of weeks between the end of order of the phoenix and the beginning of half-blood prince, when snape saves dumbledore’s life after he puts on the ring-horcrux and then does the agonisingly brave thing of agreeing to kill him once it’s no longer possible to contain the curse, and their dynamic equalises.

it’s always really striking in half-blood prince that dumbledore is completely over harry’s sniping about snape - in the earlier books he has admonished him for not using snape’s title, but otherwise looked the other way when harry complains about him, but in half-blood prince he straight-up tells him to shut up. [he also, strikingly, very nearly gives the game away and confesses why snape switched sides - the one thing, as we discover in deathly hallows, which he promised not to do - when harry finds out towards the conclusion of half-blood prince that it was snape who reported the prophecy to voldemort.]

dumbledore coming to recognise that snape - whatever his other faults - is brave, loyal, steadfast, and trustworthy [hence why he lets him teach defence against the dark arts in half-blood prince - he no longer fears what snape’s intellectual interest in dark magic may lead to] is sincerely the most profound example in the series of dumbledore - who tends to pick a view of a person and stick to it, as the eleven-year-old tom riddle can attest - realising that his initial judgement of somebody was mistaken.

[as an aside, i think that this is the implication behind the "we sort too soon" line, shown in deathly hallows and spoken by dumbledore to snape in harry’s fourth year. i’m not the biggest fan of this - i hate the implication that snape displaying an admirable trait like courage would mean that he wasn’t a real slytherin; that house can be understood positively too! - but i do recognise that it’s supposed to be interpreted as the beginning of dumbledore coming to understand who snape actually is.]

and within an equalised dynamic, snape and dumbledore are actually very well matched. they’re intellectual equals, they both have a shared experience of guilt and grief, they both had difficult childhoods, their aesthetic senses are charmingly divergent, snape being so emotionally feral is good for someone as emotionally repressed as dumbledore, and so on.

i ship it, your honour.

[elancholia]

Nothing ever happens

Culture has always been shit

Recently, I have been forced to wonder which Sam Kriss bit or bits will end up being repeated as fact by mainstream publications and whether or not this has happened already. When will he first make it onto Wikipedia? Or, rather, how much of Wikipedia is already, directly or indirectly, his work? What about the textbooks? How much of what we know of history was fabricated within the last decade by a lone blogger with a Borgesian sense of humour and a talent for plausibility?

But why not go further? In his commentary on Herodotus, now mostly lost, the Hellenistic philosopher Ephictitus of Kos speculated that all events conventionally regarded as historical were fundamentally mythological, a sort of mad reverse Euhemerism which subsumed all memory of the human past into commentaries on present-day neuroses and inner psychological archetypes. Herodotus, if indeed there had been such a person, was only engaged in the tradition of externalising the internal which had generated all culture since the beginning of time. To Ephictitus, there was no past: only the bit. But why?

Anthropologists have long speculated on the origins of the cannibalism taboo. Currently, their most favoured explanations revolve around the transmission of pathogens. When we consume the flesh of animals, we are exposed only to foreign sicknesses — diseases optimised to fell cows and deer and fish. When we consume each other's products, there is no such obstacle. Humans believe falsehoods because falsehoods, unlike reality, unlike even the real nature of human-created events, are adapted to the environment of the human mind. After all, they were born of it, squeezed out from its dark and twisting caverns.

Ephictitus, though he could not have expressed it as we do, understood this. He named the literary effluent of this endless, voracious, self-devouring cultural ferment ὁ πυλών τῆς σκωρίας: "the pillar of excrement".

To this, the modern world has given another name: shitposting.

[schizowitchic]

Hey, could you explain the whole NPD devaluing to me? What causes it and what does it look like? (What thoughts do you have etc.)

I’m trying to figure out if that’s what’s going on with me.

finally answering this!! putting it under the cut because it got kind of long

(sidenote before we begin - I don't know if devaluing is the most commonly used term for this experience in the npd community, i know there have been some debates over which terms to use as some originated with people who believe in narc abuse, and I don't know if devaluing is one of them, I know discarding has been renamed but unsure if devaluing also has) (Other sidenote - when I say "you" in this post I mean it in the general sense)

So as I understand it, devaluing in NPD is similar to the concept of splitting in BPD. It comes from that sort of black-and-white thinking common in Cluster B personality disorders, and since a lot of NPD symptoms are based around "worth", such as self-worth, quite a common example of black-and-white thinking towards people in NPD could be something like:

"You are worth everything to me" vs. "You are worth nothing to me",

"You are above me" vs. "You are equal to me" vs. "You are beneath me".

Then the process of devaluing would be something like having Person Y be a close friend, valuing Person Y pretty highly in your eyes - and then Person Y does something you don't like (Most likely something that damages the ego in some way - as NPD is an ego-related disorder) and suddenly Person Y is not equal to you, why would you ever like Person Y, Person Y is worth nothing, etc. etc.

Many things could cause a person to become devalued, it really depends on the presentation of NPD/the relationship itself - for me I often find expressing an opinion I really don't agree with, doing something that affects me negatively, or annoying me often in general will probably trigger thoughts associated with devaluing.

I wouldn't say that devaluing is necessarily permanent - people can go up and down in the sort of hierarchy that I have of them, which would obviously be dependent on what they have done/why I started to devalue them.

Devaluing is sort of a defense mechanism - if someone has been devalued then their opinion is less likely to matter to you (Thoughts such as "why would I care about the opinion of a person so obviously beneath me") and then your ego can't get hurt by that person.

What devaluing looks like would probably be highly dependent on the specific presentation of NPD - whether the thoughts stay internalised, or become externalised through self-destructive behaviour, or are externalised through hostility towards whoever is being devalued.

Devaluing can also lead to what is called "discarding" or "Relationship burn-out", where perhaps the thoughts surrounding a person primarily become negative/you no longer see the person as worth your time/you find you aren't getting enough supply from a person, and you let the relationship go or distance yourself.

To finish up, I would say that obviously, viewing people in a hierarchy based on their worth, and having black-and-white thinking surrounding relationships with people is clearly not healthy, but I tend to focus more on controlling my reaction to those thoughts rather than controlling the thoughts themselves. (e.g. instead of straight away dropping contact with the person, taking some time to reflect on what happened - why did I devalue them, is it salvageable, am I overreacting etc.)

Anyway, I hope this helps you anon, and if anyone has anything else to say please do!! I am not an expert and any input/clarifications are welcome in replies or reblogs!!

[s1mul4crum]

MYCELLIUM

analysis based off of that one nbc hannibal episode featuring the mycellium killer

mycelium. their roots are connected with all. just as neurons carry interweaving electrical charges.. these webs of electricity send webs of impulses to the neurons.. the synapses.. everything, its all connected. the mycellium serves as an external representation of that interconnection, of the web that is the electrical impulses.. the weaving blood vessels.. the human body. not to mention visually blood vessels and mycellium roots share a commonality. fungi, whilst interconnected, also can be the ultimate antithesis of life as they can decay. you could argue the mycellium murders are the ultimate paradox. fungi, symbolising an extension/ externalisation of the human body feed off of its decomposition , and they themselves rot as the body does, yet the mycellium roots expand further. it is a self sustaining paradox. focusing on the nature aspect , the killer may have seen this as a restoration of ‘cosmic justice’ or acting as a saviour by reconnecting the body with nature, ridding it of any impurities and returning it to a more primal state, similiar to how medicine and natrual treatments are often touted as two ends of the spectrum with ‘chemcicals’ being bad and natrual substances being good. this links with the killers job in the medicinal system, being a pharmacist (which interestingly enough , historically was an apothecary in which natrual herbs would be prescribed for treatment) .

he also targeted diabetics i believe by upping the their medications doses to prepare their bodies to release more glucose. glucose. consumption. plants feed of glucose. there is symbolism of using peoples bodies as vessels to release more of that life substance (and fuel the mycellium) rather than people who were not diabetic. the effects of the meds can be a ‘cleanse’ ,(in the form of anti cleanse as it produces more rather than reduces) . it shows an alternate pathway of ‘healing’ this killer had in mind for these diabetics. the killings can also be seen as a restorative ritual by using the sickly within the context of a sterile insititute (healthcare) that does not bring true healing as medical treatment serves as a sterile estrangement from natrual connection to this killer it seems. so he wishes to restore that natrual connection and oneness with nature, even if it is paradoxical and riddled with decay. the further the body decays the wider spread the mycellium. (if you want to get extra metaphorical here), by interpreting death in a spiritual sense and focusing on the souls depature, the further the soul departs from the body and the more it decays, it expands the mycellium roots so it is as if the soul or life essence of these sickly individuals is transmuted into this visible , winding network of roots. preserving them in a timeless forest.

[lesboygamzee]

if u humour me for a second and take ' fake ' as something loaded with some form of transphobia ( re : karkat calling gamzee a faker ) it lines up eith the idea ive always kind of accepted that vriska externalises her internalised transphobia a bit ( not directly but in a kind of transmedicalist sense , and even then hidden among everything else ie tavros not Trying Hard Enough ( to be a girl ) whcih upsets vriska ( self hating ) ) and tavros ( closeted trans woman ) kind of ends up being collateral

kanaya ( out trans woman ) giving advice to tavros relating to a ' fake ' and tavros beginning to think it was a joke played on her with little reasoning as to why might be something but probably not ( even more Probably Not as the rest of this post ! )

[thesophistiicate]

I cannot understand my identity. I don't know if I have one. I have talked to people in my life about this. Their explanation is that my identity is in relation to the world. I'm someone's sister, I'm a student, a future journalist. This is all well and fine. From what I've read this is deterministic, that my identity is influenced from environment. But my question is what am I when I'm by myself. Who am I then?

It's driving me mad to think that all my opinions and thoughts and everything are influenced by people around me and things I've consumed in form of books and media.

How do I become authentic self? How can I have original thoughts?

such a completely fascinating question, i love it. i think your depth of thought and concern for this topic actually shows great authenticity and originality.

i do believe in many ways we are influenced by our external world. it’s why it’s so so so important to surround yourself with people, media, knowledge etc of a really high quality that helps us level up.

at the same time, i do think we have to some extent an inner self that we must meet and understand.

personally i love human design and astrology (bear with me for a moment if you don’t lol), and my first thought is that there are types in human design in particular that actually would explain exactly how you feel (i’ll share a bit about it but also “translate” and share a non human design interpretation if you aren’t into it). so for example in the human design system, reflector types are particularly susceptible to outer influences, and their purpose is to embrace this is be “reflective”, adaptive, beautifully flowing and varied. (and not just reflectors but elements like an open G centre or other elements of a chart can cause this too) this is just as valid of an identity as somebody who is more defined and less externally influenced! so what you are experiencing may actually be your ideal way of being and a major strength, rather than a shortcoming.

reflectors or those with open G centres (or, in non human design terms, those who report they are particularly sensitive or attuned to outside vibes, energy, other people, opinions etc) are often wonderfully deep thinkers with profound capacity for insight because they are connected so much more to the outside world, the thoughts, feelings, sentiments of others in a very natural way. you have a way of connecting with and understanding others that many people just don’t have. this is an incredible strength, rather than a disconnection from self you are actually connected to so much more.

whether or not you are interested in human design i do think this “way” of looking at it is useful: it may be that your strengths are actually in being receptive and understanding what environments are enriching and “right” to thrive in, how people think and feel as a collective etc in a way that somebody else’s might be in their steadfast sense of self. for some, embodying and expressing a clear sense of inner self is how they navigate the world, for others being more fluid and receptive is how they best navigate. it’s not that you don’t have an inner sense of self, it’s that you may have great capacity for variety, adaptability, and fluidity. again, a major strength and not a weakness at all. the challenge will be to learn to manage this and not feel overwhelmed and taken over by the outside influences. giving yourself time to think and reflect (particularly through writing or any externalising process) is essential. this is how you come back to yourself after you travel so far and wide in everybody else’s energies and ideas.

the fact you can even perceive that you have this tendency actually shows great capacity for self reflection and i think you are probably more in touch with who you really are than you realise. when it comes to forming your own opinions etc, to be honest, no great thinker is made alone. it is wisdom from others, non stop acquisition of knowledge, and your own life well lived (stretching outside of yourself as much as possible) that will come together to start naturally forming your own conclusions. this will always be informed by outside influences, or it should be. to come up with things only in your own mind is close-mindedness. your capacity to naturally be open to the ideas of others is a major major asset in intelligence and cultivation of knowledge and wisdom!

[veganthranduil]

Hello. i am an ardent admirer of your writing. Your stories are so beautifully plotted and so detailed and so rich with prose that flows easily and beautifully.

As a fic dabbler, I'm really struggling with fleshing out a story and plotting it.

Will you share some tips on how to plot well and construct a good story?

Hello!

This is such a lovely message to receive. Thank you so much for sending it! It makes me so happy to hear that people enjoy what I write.

I'm 99% self-taught as a writer, so I'm not sure how useful the advice I give you is going to be for your own writing journey. I've found that I've had to develop my own approach, especially to plotting a story, since I could never get the hang of advice I found online.

What I have done is spent ten years in academia. I feel that writing journal articles has done a lot to help me structure both my long-form and short-form writing. Nowadays, most of my stories start around an idea—a theme, or a scene, something I would call the "thesis" of the story. That is the heart of what I want to say, of what I want to get at.

For Past Sins, for example, the idea was contained in my reading of Colonialism and Homosexuality. From there on, I asked myself in what situations I would want to see James Fitzjames break his own self-image against the ghost of his past crimes and societal expectations. The idea was so clear to me that I really thought it would be a story I could finish in under 10,000 words. Obviously, I did not do that.

The reason it became six times as long is that, once I knew what the problem was and where it was headed, I had to find all the moments along the way that would get me from A to B. I mentioned academia, and I tend to think of these moments as "evidence" in the scholarly sense. I need to write enough of these moments for the reader to follow me from A to B—not more, not less.

Another great example of the almost opposite length is Opera for Beginners. The thesis was "James Fitzjames takes Francis Crozier to the opera to have semi-public sex" and I wrote it straight through, with very few edits. Once I had figured out the inciting moment (James reading his journal) I could then establish how they would get to the opera (an invitation from James, and Francis accepting because he is hopelessly besotted), and things pretty much went their own way from there.

At some point in the writing process, I will outline what I think all of these moments that lead you from A to B are going to be, but that list is rarely ever fixed. When I wrote False to the Bed, I had a bunch more scenes that I wanted to include, but they started feeling gratuitous—it was nothing the reader hadn't heard before, and started feeling like angst for the sake of angst. In the case of Past Sins, I moved scenes (especially the scenes with Ross) around a lot, so they would not feel repetitive.

Thinking about plotting this way helped me most with endings, I would say. I used to struggle with how to end a story, because it always felt arbitrary. But when I think about the thesis of the story, there comes a moment when it's articulated most clearly—and that's where I can let go of the characters, because from then on, I feel safe handing them over to the reader. You can imagine how it's going to play out from now on. I've made my argument.

I hope this helps and answers your question! I've never been asked to externalise my process, so this was a very interesting experience.

[youremyheaven]

Your Angelina Jolie post is super interesting!

(Yapping incoming)

You briefly talked about her childhood and I think something interesting to add is that Angelina says she got called ugly when she was younger for her lips (I say that allegedly as I haven’t actually seen the og sourcewhere she says it). I was never super into the whole Claire Nakti punarvasu beast ugly to pretty video idea, as a native myself, *but* I do feel like it’s common for punarvasu to be called ugly/ experience appearance related trauma in childhood.

Either way I feel like I do see quite a few young Angelina haters who say she was ugly when young- even though us women of culture know she’s always been gorgeous- she did have a physical “awkward phase” in that sense of how she was widely perceived.

Also Maleficent is kind of a punarvasu core role when you think about it. Definitely some other major astro influence in the role as well, I’m not super familiar with her chart. However starting off kind, having someone take advantage of your giving nature, turning into a controlling and unkind leader, and then “returning to the light” by learning how to be kind again through love for a child who saw through the outer “ugliness”. Idk sounds a little punarvasu core to me

I feel like it’s frustrating to guess these things when someone has a planet in the first house which also rules one of the nakshatras, in this case saturn and pushya. It makes it so much harder to go off of appearance. For me personally I spot pushya women by their narrow but full lips (alongside the other traits you mentioned). The beautiful pushya moon native Tripti Dimri has this trait- her lips are full but their shape has a certain narrowness to them.

Going back to Angelina, as you said she has the pushya look anyway bc of cancer + saturn influence, but idk I’ve always felt like it’s a different vibe? The saturn nak women feel a bit more calm and “closed off” if you will(?)

Her having a Jupiter placement would explain this tbh. I’m kind of obsessed with her when she played “Corky”, whenever Jupiter (or mars actually) women do a masc look they eat it up every time!!

I thought Claire's Punarvasu video about ugliness was most relatable to Punarvasu men perhaps because men externalise their traits whereas women internalise them. So Punarvasu/Jupiter men playing the "Beast" made sense to me because they feel hideous and when it's projected outwards (our thoughts create our reality, when someone thinks or believes they're ugly they experience things that affirm this belief?? if that makes sense??) they are perceived as Beastly by others. Also Jupiter dominant people, be it men or women are hella intimidating as all these naks have feline yoni animals (cat, tiger, lion who are all unapproachable and intimidating in their own ways) I think if others are intimidated by you, they're less likely to approach you and if you feel socially isolated like that, you're more likely to think "oh it's because everyone hates me/because I'm ugly" and I think maybe that's why Punarvasu natives struggle with "feeling ugly". Claire did also say that being isolated was a big theme in their lives. It could also be because of how Jupiter's boundlessness means these natives contain too much substance, both good and bad, it's only with age and wisdom that an individual learns to tune out the negativity and focus on the goodness so because of all the internal negativity the natives "feel ugly". Another reason could be that having really turbulent and difficult childhoods are kind of part of the Jupiter experience, if you grow up feeling neglected or if you're abused, you're not going to feel good about yourself?? A lot of people who have childhood trauma also struggle with their self image. Kali Uchis, Punarvasu Sun, Vishaka Moon & Rising spoke about it in this interview about how being abused as a child meant that she hated being looked at or seen :(((

Angelina has mentioned that she hated modelling (which she did briefly as a teenager)

Omg 😳😮 I had never looked at Maleficent that way but damn that does sound very Punarvasu core especially since her own Punarvasu Sun daughter Vivienne was cast to play the young Princess Aurora because all the other kids were scared of her lmao 😭😭

Sleeping Beauty is closely linked to Revati/Pisces as well (She has Revati Moon & stellium)

You're right it is hard to determine bc of her chart 😭😭But Pushya natives imo have longer slimmer faces because of their goat yoni, Angelina's wide expansive face and features are giving Punarvasu 🤌🏼

But also I feel like Saturnian women are very comfortable with their femininity from the get go. They don't transform into it, like Angie did (which is a Jupiterian quality). Salma Hayek, UBP Moon, Madhuri Dixit, Pushya Moon, Miranda Kerr, Pushya Rising, Mariah Carey UBP Sun, Monica Bellucci-Pushya Moon are all Saturnian women who are known for their hyperfemininity. It's inherent to them?? They have this very exaggerated femininity (Pushya is considered the most feminine nakshatra) that I don't see with Angie. She's very poised and elegant now but I see her individuality before I see her femininity?? If that makes sense lol and like you said Saturnian women are 100x more mellow, more composed and overall chill, Jupiter is what creates a more bold/loud in your face kind of persona.

Idk what Corky is 😭😭😭😭please tell me I have no clue 🥹🥹

[squishylemonbubbles]

kiryu autism thoughts

because i say sooooo.

grew up with a lot of trouble figuring out and naming his feelings, and that came with people floundering and not being sure how to help. he learned aggression was a quick fix, unfortunately! compound that with toxic ideals like "boys never cry", which speaking of:

sure he was a boy, but it was hard feeling like one of the boys, you know? because of his problems understanding and following social rules, there were plenty of times he was cast out from bonding and games, and the girls usually wouldn't let him in on theirs either.

probably somewhat of a delinquent in school, not on purpose but see the above, no sense of emotional control that doesn't eventually involve beatdowns. relied on nishiki a fair bit to pull him away.

also probably either didn't finish, or finished with the bare minimum. never got along well with schoolwork, not that he's entirely clueless about how things work, but the structure failed him.

very strong sense of justice, which is what leads him to being self-sacrificial. again compounded by toxic ideals, that men are the ultimate protectors, it becomes a rule in his mind that he must help and he must let people use him (or otherwise put himself in trouble) if the cause is noble.

bad at reading people and their intentions, he tends to think "well, i wouldn't lie about something like that" and it doesn't always register that other people don't all share his thoughts. though, see above as well: even if he feels like someone's intentions are bad, sometimes he feels obligated to help just in case they aren't.

entirely too much eye contact, coupled with his resting face, intimidates people. he doesn't understand why. no seriously:

he does try to be expressive, but it's often either too subtle or too obviously forced. (tbh even in my fics, i do write him with expression but i picture most of them subtly which i find hard to convey sometimes lol)

he really zeroes in when he's focussed, to the point of forgetting about basic care, or the people and situation around him.

not overstimulated especially easily, but it hits really hard when he is - usually from lack of sleep or other self neglect. completely loses his speech, single mindedly just tries to get the fuck out. (one of the reasons i picture kiryu knows, and still occasionally uses, some JSL.)

prison giving him a lot of time to think and "improve himself" meant he sort of found ways to keep his feelings under control, and more importantly to figure them out and be open at least within himself, but externalising is still a massive struggle that takes time to get through, with ups and downs.

uhh i'm sure i could think of more to say but my brain's shot now so i'm leaving it here