#extending feeding zones and such can only do so much

[remcocoa]

[craftingcreatures]

Some sketchy concept stuff that I'm posting because I liked it but couldn't be bothered to refine it into an actual artwork.

These submarine behemoths are the Mermares (Clade Euhippocampiformes), secondarily aquatic descendants of the domestic donkey. The group first appeared around 29 million years post-cataclysm, in the late Nerian stage of the Diluvian period. They evolved from an animal called the Seabra, a descendant of the Donkey which adapted to exploit a niche with, thus far, zero competition - that of a large marine herbivore.

On earth, marine ecosystems are notable for the distinct lack of vascular plant life, a condition caused by a number of factors - most notably the osmotic stress caused by the saltwater. Most photosynthesis is carried out by algae. On Spero, however, things are different. Because Spero's oceans were generated relatively recently, from extraterrestrial ice particles, there just hasn't been enough time for erosion and the water cycle to deposit dissolved minerals in the water. As a result, Spero's seas are made of freshwater - a much more tolerable condition for most plants, and thus the diversity of marine vascular plants is much, much higher than on earth. Also, due to the flatness of the flooded landscape and lack of any real tectonic features, enormous swathes of the seabed lie within the photic zone, less than 200 meters from the surface. Thus, endless expanses of marine grasslands - the "seagrass prairies" - extend from the shore, often for hundreds of miles before the water finally gets too deep for photosynthesis to occur.

All of this plant life is an extremely attractive prospect for herbivores, and it was likely what drew the ancestral Seabra to forage in shallow coastal meadows in the first place. But as the oceans got deeper and life adapted, the Seabra had to adapt in kind - their hind legs rotated backwards to act as a pair of propulsive flukes, their forelimbs developed into steering flippers, and their nostrils retreated to sit on their foreheads.

One notable feature of the Mermares is hyperphalangy, a condition where the fingers have too many bones. It's very common in large marine tetrapods in Earth's history - whales and dolphins, Ichthyosaurs, Plesiosaurs, and Mosasaurs all exhibited hypoerphalangy to some degree - and seems to be associated with the specialization of the limbs into flippers. We would expect to see similar patterns in marine lineages on Spero. What's unique about the Mermares, however, is the sheer number of extra phalanges in the finger; at least fifteen in the shorter-finned species, and more than thirty in the longest-finned forms. And because Mermares - being equids - only possess one digit per limb, the result is a single long chain of flat, squarish bones which, in some cases, can reach over forty feet long - the longest arms ever to exist.

These ridiculous appendages produce a lot of drag and are merely adequate for steering and stabilization. So why do the Mermares have them?

The answer is that they're weapons. And particularly devastating ones, at that.

Mermares use their flagellating flippers as bludgeons, against both predators and conspecifics. The flippers are connected to powerful neck muscles and can be swung forward with impressive force; combined with a well-timed twisting of the giant horse's torso, the huge flippers can impact hard enough to shatter bone and pulverize flesh. The flippers themselves do not escape unscathed, and older individuals often have scarred or mangled flipper-tips from numerous battles over the years; but it's a small price to pay for survival.

When not being used against their enemies, the flippers may be folded back against the sides of the animal to reduce drag, or used as props to keep the animal's belly up off the seabed when feeding. Mermares spend up to 18 hours per day grazing, using their long neck to crop aquatic grasses and other vegetation in a wide arc without moving their bodies and occasionally dipping up to the surface to breathe. Mermares are keystone species in the seagrass prairies; as hindgut fermenters, they are not as efficient at processing plant matter as ruminants like goats, and produce large amounts of nutrient-rich dung which acts as fertilizer for the meadows and helps keep the environment productive. The dung also acts as food for a variety of fish and invertebrates.

Let's look at some of the Mermare's diversity, shall we?

Drepanarion (center right) One of the smaller Mermares, Drepanarion nonetheless grows to nearly 12 meters (39 feet) long. It is immediately recognizable by the bold black-and-yellow striping on the heads and necks of the stallions, and by the tall, narrow nuchal crest which extends from the withers and makes the stocky body look even more powerful. Unlike most other Mermares, which live in small groups of less than ten individuals, Drepanarion can be found in herds of over a hundred in the seagrass prairies of the Savanian (41 - 50 million years post-cataclysm). These nomadic throngs graze patches of seagrass nearly to the roots before moving on, giving the ecosystem time to regrow before returning in a few years' time. Drepanarion exhibits the most extreme sexual dimorphism of any Mermare, with stallions being both larger and more brightly coloured than mares; during the annual rut, males will fight each other in brutal bludgeoning matches to establish dominance and secure mates. To this end, they have some of the most extreme flipper anatomy of any Mermare; though not especially long (indeed, they have the shortest flippers of any derived genera), each phalanx bone has a protruding bony tubercle on the anterior edge which extends into a keratinous knob. These knobs both protect the flipper during combat and focus the force of the blow into a smaller area, dealing more damage.

Hipposeidon (bottom left) First appearing in the early Imberian (50 million years post-cataclysm), Hipposeidon is the largest of all Mermares and, indeed, the largest animal ever to exist on Spero, with stallions regularly reaching over 24 meters (80 feet) long (mares are slightly smaller). Extremely large specimens may even reach 30 meters (100 feet), although this is rare. This ludicrous size - nearly rivaling even the mighty Blue Whale of Earth - is possible only due to the sheer abundance of its food. Hipposeidon appears at the height of the seagrass prairie's extent, and can pack away almost 900 kilograms (1900 pounds) of seagrass per day. This superlative food requirement has important consequences for Hipposeidon's behaviour; this animal is migratory. Seagrass prairies are extremely productive ecosystems, but nonetheless Spero is a seasonal world; as the summer growth gives way to the winter die-back, the greatest of the Mermares must migrate across the equator to seek out a continuous food source to fuel its immense bulk. In this way Hipposeidon experiences a perpetual summer, interrupted only by the biannual migration from north to south and back again. Female Hipposeidon are pregnant for about one year, timing the birth of the single large foal with arrival to the feeding grounds; the six-meter-long foal enjoys a long childhood nursing and playing in shallow summer waters, gathering strength before making the long swim across the barren tropical zone to pastures new.

Bathypegasus (top left) The last and possibly the weirdest of the great Mermares, Bathypegasus is the only member of the clade which is not a grazer. Instead, it is a specialist feeder on pelagic, free-floating ferns. These ferns are a seasonal bounty, growing in huge numbers in the tropical summers of the late Imberian (60 million years post-cataclysm), where the planetary ring system shades out large portions of the planet for half the year. A close relative of Hipposeidon, Bathypegasus has left its ties to the seabed behind, becoming a fast, powerful swimmer which spends most of its life far above the sea floor. Its flippers have adapted to be even more ludicrously long - the longest forearms of any animal, ever, with each one measuring nearly 14 meters (45 feet) in length and each containing at least 35 individual bones. No longer used to prop the animal up off the seabed, these whiplike flippers are narrow and streamlined and can be whipped through the water at speeds of nearly 20 meters per second (that's over 40 mph) - the most extreme weaponry of any Mermare, and used to great effect against predators. Bathypegasus, like Hipposeidon, is migratory, following the blooms of pelagic ferns across Spero's oceans. Thanks to this midwater diet it is the only genus of Mermare to survive past the mid-Imberian extinction, when rising sea levels and steepening coastal slopes caused the seagrass prairies to disappear. Bathypegasus finally died out in the Ultimoxerian stage, around 75 million years post-cataclysm, the last and weirdest of the giant marine horses.

[milkywayes]

dreamt a cipher

a shepard/garrus post-destroy ending longfic.

[AO3 link]

I’ve debated a while about when to start posting this. Now it’s the new year, and I’ve been working on Cipher for over a year and a half, and I’ve waited long enough to start sharing it with you all. I’ve decided it’s finally time to start uploading while I work on the final chapters.

I started writing this before I ever drew a single piece of fanart for Mass Effect. It’s all the things that were bouncing around in my head after choosing the destroy ending with a mostly-paragon Shepard—consequence and responsibility and self-recrimination; her relationship with Garrus and with herself; their ties to each other and how much weight they can bear; their differing perspectives and how they slot together—all that fun stuff—compressed into a story, a place, a narrative. 

I believe in the power of love, and I promise a happy ending. They’ve just been taking the long way to get there. Feel free to yell at me in the meantime.

A huge thank you to @callista-curations for her meticulous and invaluable beta work, and to @that-wildwolf and @gammaraydeath for being the best hypemen I could ask for!

A more detailed list of warnings can be found on AO3.

I've posted the full cover art here.

────

Summary:

Pairing: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian Rating: M (subject to change) Important Tags: post-destroy ending - angst with a happy ending - slow burn (of sorts) - arguing - reconciliation - survivor guilt - minor original characters Her own personal Noverian peak. That’s what it was supposed to be. Nothing but the discovery: no distractions, no comfort, no windows looking out—no familiar faces. But it's starting to look like her winning streak might have ended in that pile of Citadel rubble, if it ever extended that far to begin with. ──── “How does the Earth idiom go? No use beating a dead—” A long-suffering sigh. “What was it again?” “A dead horse. And yet, you’re here. Beating it.” Pot, kettle. She wishes he’d just fucking say it.

-> AO3.

Read the start of Chapter 1: Constant Velocity under the cut!

────

The overhead lights flicker as they always do when the data screens are up and running. It’s not something one gets used to, even so. It stings at her ocular nerves—or something like that, anyway, somewhere along the delicate wires that extend from her eyeballs into her brain—but her focus on the data doesn’t waver.

“In that case,” says Shepard, squinting against the ache, “what we need is salvage from a relay outside the immediate burst zone. Four jumps away. Five, if possible. There’s no point to any of this if we can’t scrape together a control group.”

She glances back at Elsawy, who so far hasn’t made it more than a meter into the room. She nods without looking up from her omni-tool; orange shimmers off her shiny, black hair, giving her the uncomfortable air of a Cerberus operative. Not the worst comparison, except that Miranda would waste no time letting her know if her logic took a faulty turn somewhere. Elsawy’s just as likely to agree now and write a message detailing all her crap conclusions later.

Leaning her hip against the conference table, Shepard shifts her weight off her left leg, bites down on the sigh that almost manages to slip out. Once in the clear, she grouses, “Where the hell is Meyer? He’s the one that called this meeting.”

As it is, it’s three people in attendance and she’s the only one talking. She could’ve achieved the same results with a voice call from her quarters, where she could elevate her leg in peace and without witnesses. In the dark.

“Lab Two,” answers Elsawy, finally ripping her attention off the omni-screen and gracing Shepard with a second of eye contact. Maybe in another life she could appreciate the effort—Jesus, as if she hasn’t had her fill of lives already. “We’re close to a breakthrough on the initial output patterns. Sorry. He’s been feeding his data to me.”

“Right.” She blinks once, twice, in time with the flickering. It doesn’t help; it never does. “I’ll swing by later, then. Anything else he asked you to relay?” 

“Just that, Commander.” Elsawy is mumbling just enough that her voice has to compete with the drone of the air vents. The translator takes a second to filter out and amplify it. The result is less than perfect: “More salvage—” bzzrt—“bigger picture, you got it.” She narrows her eyes, and Shepard raises a brow. “Left leg or—” bzz!—“left hip?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Commander.”

“It’s nothing relevant,” she says pleasantly, forcing herself to stand up straight again. There’s a brief tremor shaking up her hamstrings; she waves a hand to distract from it. In the frenzy of the lights, the movement looks jerky, nervous. She soldiers on. “Old field injury. Unrelated. Anything can set it off.”

Funny, kind of, since it’s that very leg that ends in the most perfect, cooperative example of a foot she’s ever had the pleasure of treading on. It’s cloned; a replacement. Not the only one either. They should’ve just done away with the whole limb, but she hadn’t been consulted. Same with her trick shoulder. Not even Cerberus had managed to get that one back on the straight and narrow.

“I’d rather you bring it up with the doctor,” replies Elsawy. This is, apparently, what it takes for her to finally speak at a reasonable volume. “If we manage to fill even one of the data gaps…”

“I know,” she says. “I know, and I’m telling you, it’s unrelated.”

-> continue reading on AO3

[fluentmoviequoter]

White Boulder Christmas

Day 5 of 12 Days of Ficmas

Pairing: Stu Redman x fem!reader

Summary: You experience your first white Christmas in the Boulder Free Zone.

Word Count: 2.5k+ words

Warnings: spoilers for The Stand (the book & the miniseries), fluff, angst, vague description of injuries.

A/N: The Stand is one of my favorite books of all time and I think about Stu a concerning amount, so I am very excited to try writing for him! He may be OOC but I'm planning to keep writing for him so I can improve. I used Gary Sinise's portrayal of him in the 1994 miniseries because he was amazing (I could talk about the 1994 adaptation and the book all day so if anyone has requests, feedback, or comments please please please send them to me!!)!

The last 200 miles into Boulder are the hardest. You thought the trip would be easier once you crossed the state line into Colorado. It isn’t. You haven’t seen another person in days, you’re tired, and the dreams are getting more intense. As the sun sets on a state you always wanted to visit - granted, it seemed more enjoyable before the virus, but it’s still beautiful - you break into a jog as you see the flickering lights of civilization. The town is tiny, and the only reason you know where you are is the small sign reading “Kiowa Creek Church.” Trying the doorknob of what used to be the municipal police station, you sigh as it opens easily. You thoroughly check the building before setting your backpack down, leaning it against a cell door to keep it open, and collapsing onto one of the cots.

“Boulder, here I come,” you whisper to the dilapidated ceiling before drifting to sleep, visions of corn fields and black crows invading your mind.

✯✯✯✯✯

When you wake up, there’s a wet nose pressed to the pulse point under your jaw. You jerk away from the unexpected and unwelcome touch, raising your hand to your neck. As you turn your body, you see a dog wagging its tail as it looks up at you. Your eyes widen as your hand falls into your lap before you squeal and lean forward to hug the dog.

“Kojak!” a deep voice yells outside.

“Is that you?” you ask the dog, scratching behind its ears as you stand. “Are you Kojak?”

When he hears his name, Kojak’s tail wags harder as he walks beside you, sitting at your feet as you gather your things.

“C’mon, Kojak,” you summon, snapping as he trots to your side to walk beside you.

The main door is barely open, proof that Kojak pushed inside to find you. Opening it the rest of the way, Kojak bounds out before you, stopping on the porch and looking between you and a man standing in the middle of the dirt road separating the buildings of Kiowa, Colorado.

“You find him yet?” another man, taller and younger than the first, asks, turning the corner.

“Kojak here found me,” you interrupt, waving shyly.

The younger man smiles a crooked grin that makes your heart drop as you forget why you’re in this deserted town in the first place.

“Well, then perhaps I owe him a thanks. I’m Stu Redman, this is Glen Bateman, and you’ve met Kojak,” he introduces, climbing the first step as he extends his hand to you.

You place your hand in his, shaking it as you introduce yourself. “Where are you going?” you ask, your hand still in Stu’s.

“Boulder. You?” Glen answers.

“Boulder,” you inform with a firm nod. “Not that I really had much of a choice.”

Stu smiles again and says, “Did any of us? I’ll assume you’ve met her then?”

“And him,” you add.

Stu drops your hand and steps off the stairs, gesturing with his head for you to join him.

“We have room for one more, right, Glen?”

You look down at Kojak, squatting to pet him again so Glen doesn’t think there is any pressure to say yes.

“Would it matter what I said, East Texas?” Glen replies; you’re thankful you can hear the teasing in his voice.

“East Texas?” you parrot, looking up at Stu.

“Born and raised in Arnette. Seems to have stuck.”

“Just like Kojak seems to be stuck to you,” Glen says. “What’d you do? Feed him?”

“No, he found me. I was asleep. I’m just glad to see another dog!” you exclaim cheerfully.

“Just the dog?” Stu clarifies, his brows raised playfully.

“Just the dog,” you agree, shaking your head as you smile.

“Well, then, who’s ready to get to Boulder?” Glen asks, pulling his backpack straps over his shoulder.

“Me,” you and Stu say together.

He slips his hand into yours to help you stand up, and you instantly know that the last 100 miles will be the easiest yet because you’re not alone.

✯✯✯✯✯

✯✯✯✯✯

Stu turns to you, and you look away, harshly wiping the tears from your face. He steps to you, gently grabbing your wrists and pulling your hands away. He drops his head to catch your eyes, but you refuse to look at him.

“I won’t say bye,” you mumble, fresh tears rolling down your cheeks.

“I’m not asking you to. I���m just giving you a hug to hold me over until we see each other again when I get back. Can you do that?”

“Only if you promise to come back.” You finally look up at him, and he releases your wrists to cup your face.

“I can’t make that promise.”

“And I can’t keep fighting without you.”

“I promise to do everything I can to come back to you. That’s all I can do for now.”

You bite your bottom lip and nod, your face in his hands. “I love you,” you whisper.

Stu’s eyes are glassy, but his smile is anything but sad as he looks at you. “That goes right back to you, ma’am,” he replies, leaning his forehead against yours after kissing it. “Wait for me?”

“Forever.”

You can’t stay with the other girls and wave them off because you know you’ll end up chasing him. Stu likewise doesn’t turn around when Larry does, instead keeping his eyes on the horizon as he promises himself and anyone else listening that he will do everything he has to do to get back to you. After he finishes the fight, he'll return to you, even if he can barely stand and has to fall into your arms.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Teddy, can you put me on the volunteer rotation for December?” you ask after a free-zone meeting. “It’s been the same people since we got here, and it’s almost Christmas, they deserve a break.”

Teddy smiles as he scribbles your name on a piece of paper before slipping it back into his pocket. “Absolutely. And thank you, they’ll really appreciate that.”

When you get a call the next day asking you to take a security post at the border of the Boulder Free Zone, you jump on the opportunity to help (and try to get your mind off Stu). The women in town are busy trying to do something small for Christmas but are worried that the scouts won’t be back in time, so there’s a debate as to whether or not it should be delayed until they return. In the anonymous vote, you chose to wait because you can’t imagine celebrating anything without knowing where Stu is. For tonight, though, you focus on your surroundings, not Stu’s crooked smile or East Texas accent. Or the moment he told you that he loves you.

Because of the low number of volunteers, the shifts are long. You’re five hours into a twelve-hour night shift when the first snowflake lands on your nose. You look up to the sky, unfamiliar with snow, especially in December. Within twenty minutes, snow is powdering the ground and continues falling, getting heavier each minute. 

“A white Christmas,” you say quietly to yourself. 

Then you laugh. Although your first white Christmas is in the Boulder Free Zone, surrounded by fear, fighting, and uncertainty, those little snowflakes are piling hope into your heart that everything will turn out fine.

Shaking your head, you return your attention to the night to protect your new family and temporary home, but you keep smiling as the temperature drops and the once-hopeless world turns white just in time for Christmas.

As the first rays of sunlight peek over the horizon, barely visible through the snow clouds, you hear an engine rumbling in the distance. The radio has been silent all night because no one else heard anything. As the noise gets louder, you’re positive someone is racing toward the Boulder Free Zone. You raise your rifle, looking through the scope to aim where the road twists around the hill. As the truck approaches the curve, it suddenly stops, and the engine dies. The night goes quiet, the sound of two doors closing the only proof you didn’t imagine the truck. When the first figure enters your sight on the scope, you drop your gun and run toward him.

“Tom!” you yell, fumbling to get your radio out of your pocket.

Tom looks up and says your name twice, first as a question, then an exclamation of joy. He drops his voice again to say, “He hurt his leg real bad.”

You look to your left and see the one man you’ve been waiting for since the moment he left. 

“You waited,” Stu says, smiling as you rush to him and wrap your arms around his waist.

His arms loop over your shoulders and grip you tightly, pulling you against him like he’s melting into you.

“Let me radio for help,” you say into his chest. 

Pulling back, you call Teddy and tell him that Stu and Tom are back before requesting a truck. He doesn’t answer with a yes or no, but the radio is full of cheers, yells, and crying, so you assume someone is on the way. Turning back to Stu, you let him lean against you and look down at his leg.

“Are you alright?” you ask quietly.

“I’m great now,” he answers, meeting your eyes when you look up.

“M-o-o-n, that spells great,” Tom says beside you.

“Is it just you two?” you whisper to Stu.

He nods, tightening his grip on you slightly.

“They saved our lives,” you add.

“It’s not just us,” Tom calls, “there’s one more. Laws, yes!”

You glance up at Stu, who furrows his brows. He catches on quickly and whistles. You look past him as Kojak runs around the corner and straight to you.

“Kojak!” you cheer, reaching down with the hand not supporting Stu. “I’m so happy to see you, buddy!”

“You didn’t get that excited about me,” Stu grumbles.

You look up at him and begin to say something, but the sound of a truck approaching cuts you off. The headlights on Teddy’s truck fall on you as he parks, helping Stu into the passenger seat while you, Tom, and Kojak get in the back. You can’t see much of him, but you watch Stu the entire drive to the hospital, holding Kojak as you smile, glad to have your boys back.

Once you get Tom home and settled, you and Kojak return to the hospital, checking on Fran before taking your seats in Stu’s room, Kojak on the end of his bed and you at the window, watching the snowfall. When Stu wakes up, he smiles at Kojak before looking around the room. 

“First time seeing snow?” he asks.

You turn when you hear his voice, smiling as you walk to his side. “No. But it is my first white Christmas,” you answer, slipping your hand into his. “I’ve always dreamed of a white Christmas. Dreams change though.”

“Meaning?”

“I would trade a white Christmas for a Christmas with you,” you admit shyly.

He kisses your knuckles before shifting in the bed, inviting you to sit beside him. You watch the snow and each other as you talk about your Christmas traditions pre-Captain Trips. The doctor comes in to check on him several times and gives you updates on Fran as well. When he finds out he can be released in a day or so, he starts walking through the hospital on his crutches, taking you and Kojak with him, determined to walk on his own by Christmas.

✯✯✯✯✯

December 22, three days before Christmas, you and Stu are walking out of the hospital with no crutches needed. He suddenly pulls his hand from yours, and as you turn around to ask him what’s wrong, a snowball hits you in the middle of the chest. Your jaw drops as you look at Stu, two more snowballs in his hands.

“After everything I’ve done for you,” you call dramatically, kneeling to make a snowball.

“You love me,” Stu yells.

“Luckily for you,” you reply as you throw a snowball, hitting him in the shoulder.

As you exchange snowballs, laughing and yelling with more joy than you thought was possible to feel given the previous year, you’re glad Christmas is on schedule. The people around you need it more than ever.

“Ow!” Stu yells, falling backward into a snowbank.

You drop your snowballs and run to his side, kneeling beside his uninjured leg. “Did you hurt your leg again?” you ask.

He raises a hand to your bicep and rolls over, pushing you into the snow as he hovers above you, smiling.

“You’re okay?” you ask, breathless. Stu nods, and you release a sigh before shaking your head at him. “You scared me.”

His eyes are locked on yours as he whispers, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. More than I can say.”

He leans down and kisses you, smiling against your lips as he slips his gloved hand between your head and the snowbank beneath you. Your hands rise to his shoulders as you pull yourself toward him, shivering against him. He breaks away, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead before standing and helping you up, your hand secure in his as he walks you home.

There’s a small Christmas tree in your front window, and Stu smiles when he sees it. Kojak meets you at the door, circling your legs as you take your coats, hats, and mittens off. 

“Stu?” you ask as he stands, wiping his hands after starting a fire. “Thank you for coming back to me.”

“I couldn’t leave you. Especially now that I know you’re celebrating your first white Christmas,” he responds, walking to stand in front of you, the Christmas tree on one side and the warmth of the fire on the other.

“So, what now? I mean, what happens after Christmas? Are you going home, East Texas?”

He cups your face, just as he had before leaving, and smiles when you lean into his touch, his warmth. “I don’t care where I go,” he answers, “As long as you’re by my side for this Christmas, and every Christmas after.”

“Even if they’re not white?”

“Say you want them all white and we’ll go wherever you want, ma’am.”

“I want to go wherever you are,” you state, wrapping your fingers around his wrists.

He drops his hands and grabs your waist, pulling you in to kiss you. He whispers against your lips, “We’ll figure it out after Christmas.”

You nod against him, waiting until you break apart to say, “I love you.”

“I’ve loved you since I laid eyes on you, and I will love you until there is no such thing as a white Christmas.”

You smile, ready to say more, but his actions speak louder as he pulls you in again, Kojak curling up at your feet as the snow grows heavier and Boulder turns white, just in time for your first Christmas with Stu.

[jonnysinsectcatalogue]

Black Gnophomyia Crane Fly - Gnophomyia tristissima

After researching and uploading the Giant Crane Fly specie from 2 weeks ago, I was reminded of this specie and a few more pictures that I have. As it turns out, Gnophomyia Crane Flies aren't the only Crane Flies that rest their wings on their back instead of their sides, but they are much smaller than Tipula metacomet. With this specie's size, it could easily be mistaken for a big Mosquito (such as a male) which themselves are often mistaken for Midges. Yes, the world of identifying Dipterans can be somewhat tricky to navigate. To prevent such confusion, I have here a refresher regarding some key characteristics of Crane Flies and Mosquitoes for referral when observing unconventional flying insects with a single pair of wings. Anecdotally, Crane Flies tend to escape from humans when bothered, not wanted to risk harm to their wings and legs. Scientifically, Crane Flies generally have thin, extended legs to an extreme degree. Moreover, while they have an elongated face, their mouthparts are either nonfunctioning reduced (in the form of palps) for cleaning their legs, manipulating nectar into their mouth or interpreting sensory information. Finally, and seemingly rather obvious in hindsight, theykeep their bodies relatively straight when at rest. This is to say that the head can be parallel with the abdomen's posture when necessary, as opposed to always slopping or pointing downward. As for how important this is, read on to see how Mosquitoes differ from their long-legged relatives.

To get something out of the way immediately: although spindly Crane Flies can be large - certainly larger than most Mosquitoes - size cannot be used in every instance to separate between the two Fly families. For example, Elephant Mosquitoes (of the genus Toxorhynchites) are very large in size and wingspan, and could be mistaken for a Crane Fly. However, they feature colorations not typically seen in Crane Flies and (fortunately for everyone) those Mosquito species do not have the need to feed on blood. Otherwise, most female Mosquitoes opportunistically will feed on mammalian blood, and so they might not be easily deterred if shooed away. While Mosquitoes have thin legs which can spread wide for a stealthy landing, the legs are not as long as that of a Crane Fly. In addition, they can lift their hindmost legs and curl them at the tip. Some reports say this allows them to act as a pair of sensory appendages (like the rear cerci of Silverfish), while other accounts say it is to reduce drag in flight. Mosquitoes also have their mouthpart visible and prominent: a needle-like proboscis. Such a mouthpart is kept sheathed until the time comes to partake in a meal of blood, nectar or fruit juice. Finally, because of the connection between a Mosquito's thorax and abdomen, it gives them a hunched or arched appearance when feeding or at rest. Knowing the differences, have a look at today's specimen and see how this information can be applied to identify it.

The legs seem rather long and all are on the landing zone, the elongated head features small filamentous mouthparts rather than a proboscis, and the insect's posture is straightened. Yes, this is definitely a Crane Fly! And this specie has yellowish halteres contrasting against a jet-black body, making identification at a glance simple. It was likely searching for a source of rotting wood or leaf litter, which serves as further contrast to Mosquitoes which prefer to be closer to stagnant or still water.  

Pictures were taken on July 10 and 27, 2021 with a Google Pixel 4.

[lndslorepuzzler]

Long-Awaited Revelry: Breakthrough, pt 1-12

01: Alone: The little girl leads FMC to an 'establishment' called Elysium; she asks the woman at the bar for information on who is going to be at the protocore auction and a map of the venue. FMC balks at the hefty cost of 50k per word of information. The woman offers a 5% discount because FMC is "new and pretty," but ultimately opens a door to what sounds like a casino, where people are talking about the auction: that it's happening at Solon Hotel, that if one wants to get in then they should ask/barter with Qin Che, though he's been gone for a while, and leadership in Onychinus seems to have changed in that time.

When the door closes, FMC asks the shopkeeper for information on Onychinus specifically (presumably to get more information on Qin Che and the organizations structure,) she is told to not "pry into things (she) shouldn't know."

In the casino, FMC eavesdrops on conversations: Qin Che hasn't been around in a long time, and he's been presumed missing or dead. Someone named Sherman is making moves in his absence, with his people becoming arrogant and audacious in the meantime. She determines that Onychinus's problems extend beyond any protocore dealing, and that if Qin Che was really going to die he would probably drag the entire N109 Zone with him: "That's just how he is."

The little girl brings FMC a black flower, and when prompted, tells FMC that Qin Che is a monster with huge wings and horns that never dies, and that if she misbehaves, Qin Che will "find (her) and feed (her) to his man-eating birdie." FMC considers this information/perspective: that everyone is afraid of Qin Che, but willing to make deals with him*1 and given that he'd extended the offer of a deal to her instead of vise versa, her Evol can probably be used against him.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a group of armed men breaking the door down in search of "Onychinus's important guest (who) got lost." One of them asks "everyone to cooperate with (their) search... Shut the door and search the room. Everyone's about to be entertained."*2

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02: Night Raid: FMC and the little girl are inside a hidden utility room; there is a 'secret window' facing the lobby. The leader of the Sherman's men--who has a "broken, wire-bound jaw"--demands the shopkeeper tell him where FMC is; he tells his goons to start forcing people to talk. The shopkeeper tells FMC to stay put, and that she has no intention of handing her over under these circumstances. FMC wonders who Sherman is ("Isn't Qin Che the leader of Onychinus? Who's Mr. Sherman...") and remains in place.

Mephisto makes himself known, giving FMC the chance to make a break for it, but she gets pulled back. She points her gun at Qin Che, who is less than impressed; she watches as "several bullets graze him only to dissipate into dust. The people who fired the shots are strangled by something. They slump to the ground, dead." She tells him his underlings are disobedient; when the leader hears Qin Che's voice, he calls for backup.*3

Qin Che holds FMC back-to-chest before aiming and firing her gun.

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03: COMBAT

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04: The First Deal: FMC and Qin Che disagree on methods of ending the conflict; she thinks they should retreat, as Wanderers keep spawning, and 'retreat' isn't a word in Qin Che's vocabulary. There's an interesting exchange: "Oh, so you like being a freeloader, Qin Che? Didn't you see me fighting for my life earlier?" to which he responds, "Since when was I required to investigate the files the Hunter's Association had on you?" thus implying that he could have done it without much effort, had he chosen to do so.

Qin Che tells FMC to consider this entire situation a training practice, and warns her she won't get any help, before he uses her gun to blow out an electrical box. They have another interesting exchange in the dark while he puts a communicator in her ear.

"Let's make a deal." "Aren't you going to leave? I can't resonate with you." "If you'd like to attend the auction tomorrow, stand your ground for five minutes. And should you have the audacity to die on me, you will actually meet your end."*4

While FMC is pondering her next move, Qin Che informs her that "(he) didn't turn off the lights to force (her) into combat. (They're) stalling for time." Mephisto makes himself useful by becoming target in the dark, but no matter how many Wanderers FMC kills, the number of opponents doesn't go down at all. Once she realizes her contact with Qin Che has been cut off, she uses a few barrels of alcohol, and starts a huge fire.

The figures don't stop moving, and they don't make any sounds. "Amidst the blue firelight, (she) sees their faces-- Under the corroded, crystallized skin, they seem to have human faces... They resemble humans more than Wanderers."*5

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05: Nightmare Finale: Outside Elysium, a man runs to a heavy iron door and shoves it open. Inside, a dark stone platform lights up, then dims. The Flux Nexus is still there, but while he's having a maniacal laugh about it, "deadly black-red mist rolls in from all directions. The nightmarish shadow slowly approaches from behind." He gets out half a plea ("S-spare me... Qin--") immediately followed by "crimson particles (landing) in the waste water."

The Flux Nexus glows even brighter, but Qin Che lets his Evol flow into it, and blows it apart from the inside.

Inside Elysium, the monsters all drop. FMC inspects one near her, "with a tattoo-like mark on its chest," and realizes that the crystals all over it look like protocores. As the lights come back on, she takes a small sample of the crystal and hides it on her person. Qin Che comes back, and FMC is not surprised that he's not saying anything about where he went or what he did while she 'stalled for time.'

As they move to leave, the shopkeeper slips a storage device into FMC's pocket, and tells her to be careful out there.

As soon as they get back to Qin Che's base, he leaves FMC on her own to converse with Mephisto, who is apparently agitated that she shot him. Qin Che reappears with a glass of wine, and asks if FMC has learned to speak bird in the last few hours. She does feel bad about injuring Mephisto; Qin Che redirects the conversation by asking if "anything strange (happened) before they attacked." FMC tells him he should ask Mephisto, seeing as he was following her on his order, and Qin Che is very casual about it ("True," he says, like that's not weird at all.)

He points out that as long as she's in the N109 Zone, there's no way she could be outside of his influence, even if she's not directly with him. She accuses him of trying to get her to dislike him less so they can resonate, and he shows no signs of being angry about being provoked.

The two of them head up in an elevator after a short and sassy exchange about why he's treating her like a bar (telling her to get him another drink) while he says a bar is more obedient than she is.

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06: Agreement: In a separate room, FMC looks at the data from the storage device: a hologram map of the Solon Hotel, and a list of attendees, including the false identity prepared by Jeremiah. She tries to draw Qin Che into conversation by asking about Sherman; he wants to know "why (she's) interested in a dead person." FMC recalls that the first shop owner said something about two explosions, and shameless people making Qin Che their scapegoat. She wonders if the explosions could have had something to do with Sherman, and not Qin Che, even though either way, the conflict involves her due to the Aether Core.

FMC surmises that Qin Che left her at the shop as bait, while Mephisto "lets out a defiant wail." FMC informs Mephisto that she didn't mean to shoot him and even if she had, he would have deserved it for stalking her earlier. Qin Che, audibly amused, tells FMC that "(she) can scold him directly, if (she wants.)"

"Under the hazy light, Qin Che reveals a gentle look completely uncharacteristic of him. I compose myself, realizing I've been unreasonably angry with him. Regardless of whether he wanted to clean up or not, those people were after me, I had to face them sooner or later."

FMC changes the topic, deciding to focus on what Qin Che said about them being the same, and supposes that he also has an Aether Core in his body: that hers is in her heart, and his is in his right eye. He tells her she can think of it like that. FMC notes that her Aether Core seems fairly 'normal' by protocore standards, while his is definitely not. He tells her "it helps (him) see what people want the most. It exposes the desires that they refuse to admit."*6 She wonders if those whispers and visions at the dining table were the work of his Aether Core.

There's another vision of a small red 'energy pulse,' and the words "Devour... It's your..." When FMC comes back to herself, Qin Che is very close, and she "(presses) down on the area around his eye."*7 He doesn't break eye contact with her, and both eyes remain open. He asks if she's "gone mad," and she either:

---tells him that he can push her away, though he makes a (exasperated? frustrated?) sigh, and doesn't.

or

---apologizes, telling him that she wanted to get a closer look at the Aether Core. He doesn't move away from her.

Regardless of the option chosen, FMC asks if he likes it when people do that (look into his eyes;) she continues to stare and asks if he wants to try to resonate again, grabbing his hand without waiting for an answer. The background music gets very gentle, and she offers to "use both hands this time," (which is a cute image.) He sighs, but she keeps thinking that he's good at fighting, and that he looks good; Qin Che informs her that he can hear her talking to which she replies, "Enjoy it. This is one of the two good things (she) can think about (him.)" They still don't manage to resonate, but FMC decides that even if they can't rush it, she's not going to stop trying.

FMC decides to try a different tack and communicate properly with Qin Che; she says she has an idea she doesn't know if the should say, and he tells her not to. She boldly continues and tells him if they can't resonate because she's rejecting him on a subconscious level, then they should work on changing her feelings. It will be difficult, but not impossible, and the easy solution is for him to agree to help her get the Aether Core and get her out of the N109 Zone safely and in exchange, she'll be his bait to clean up the traitors and general mess in his organization. Qin Che is amused that FMC seems to think she'd be doing him a huge favor, but she's telling the truth rather than bluffing because she wouldn't be able to fool him, anyway.

Qin Che tells FMC that her deal isn't good enough, and offers a compromise: if she can take a jeweled brooch from his possession within 24 hours, he'll agree to her terms, since "only when you have a bargaining chip can you make a deal." He tells her she can use her own methods, and that she should be grateful the goal is clear 'this time.' *8

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07: Roleplay: FMC gets ready to go to the auction with Qin Che, wearing "an expensive dress and dazzling jewelry;" he tells her it suits her, and that no one can keep their guard up with a pretty girl walking around. They head out.

There is a brief interlude, with text reading: "In the sky, the stars are devoured by an endless darkness./ The Deepspace Tunnel is silent, seemingly frozen in time. Suddenly, there's a thud, a pulse resembling a heartbeat./ Cosmic dust fills the air. Something penetrates the invisible barrier.../ And slowly opens its eyes."

Qin Che and FMC are quasi-antagonistic toward one another even as they walk into the auction; Qin Che is greeted by a member of staff and, upon leaving FMC on her own, gives her a black credit card and tells her that "(he assumes she already knows) how to act as good bait." FMC proceeds to be an exemplary brat, drawing attention to herself in the way she's meant to: spending Qin Che's money.

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08: Undercurrents: In a separate room, Qin Che has a confrontation with Sherman; he wastes no time, strangling Sherman until the man tells him what he wants to know, claiming that "the people who said they'd help (him) replace (Qin Che) must have made an offer only an idiot would refuse," but after giving Sherman a look with his right eye, Qin Che is disappointed that the method to buy Sherman was "as old-school and uncreative as ever." Sherman says that Qin Che "won't be cocky for long (with them around,)" and Qin Che shrugs him off, saying, "Since you chose betrayal... My only option is to make you pay in advance."

Back in the main hall, FMC is approached by a man asking to buy her brooch; she tells him no but he is persistent, offering ten Hightowers in exchange before asking her to dance.

Qin Che reappears, tells FMC that a Hightower is a weapon made with a high-grade protocore, and that "a single Hightower (could) obliterate (the) entire hotel." He tells the stranger that the brooch was a gift, and asks FMC is she was going to sell it; she plays coy, claiming she had no idea if he was coming back or not, but the stranger was going to spend a fortune to dance with her, so, shouldn't Qin Che do the same?

Qin Che offers her the Aether Core's location in exchange for a dance. When FMC asks why Qin Che thinks she will listen to him, he says she can "refuse (him) all (she) wants." They do start their dance, however.

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09: Rising Curtains: Qin Che and FMC dance while speaking about their plans; she doubts such vital information would be leaked unless it was a trap, which Qin Che agrees to. She asks if he is going to throw himself into the trap, and he tells her to "be content with (her) role" and to not "scare away the fish that already bit the hook." FMC notes that there are eight Evol bombs and fifteen high-frequency guns in the room, and tells Qin Che he's made a lot of enemies. Qin Che is nonplussed, and tells her "this isn't the first time it's happened."

FMC asks if Qin Che has a plan, because "even if (he) has a death wish, (she doesn't) intend to die here with (him,)" and he tells her not to worry, because she "won't die that easily." There is then, of course, an explosion...

That Qin Che set off, because "the vermin were taking their sweet time (and he) was getting impatient." Due to the sudden Metaflux increase, Wanderers appear, and Qin Che gives FMC a replacement, gun, telling her to not to waste her effort with an outdated weapon.

After the Wanderers are defeated, FMC is in the middle of interrogating a henchman with the muzzle of her gun pressed into the back of his head. He tells her that they haven't won, because their backup plan is terrifying, and not even Qin Che--- (he chokes out as Qin Che kills him. He tells FMC that "violence should be used strategically."

The Metaflux fluctuations are still manifesting, though, and Qin Che grabs FMC and pulls her along with him, "to the place that has what (she) wants."

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10: Abandoned Memory: They take an elevator up so high that the ground is hidden by clouds. They end up on the roof, which is covered in debris that seems like it came from a laboratory. Qin Che tells her that's exactly what it is, and that it was abandoned by EVER "a while back."

EVER is "the most prestigious international business group," and "it basically supports the whole Linkon City." FMC has no idea how it could be involved with the N109 Zone; though she "heard that before the Chronorift Catastrophe, the N109 Zone was the most prosperous tech hub. So... It makes sense that EVER used it as a research base."

Qin Che tells her that she "really (is) a naive Linkon citizen," and that "many locations were affected by that catastrophe, yet only the N109 Zone turned into a wasteland," so "why does (she) think that is?" FMC knows she's heard rumors, but can't put anything together at the moment.

The two of them arrive just beneath the Deepspace Tunnel, where "slow vibrations resembling heartbeats pulsate in the sky." She moves to the Flux Nexus on the rooftop, exactly like the one she saw with Shen Xinghui in the no-hunt zone; Qin Che says she should know what's inside it, then.

He tells her to "think about it first. Once (she takes) it out, there's no going back." FMC wonders why she should give up since she's already there, and resonates with the Flux Nexus. The Aether Core appears, and a huge Wanderer appears from out of the Deepspace Tunnel. Qin Che says, "(they) finally got something presentable."

11: COMBAT

12: Resonance's Power: FMC has what appears to be a flash back. There is blood everywhere, and Qin Che's voice telling her "(she) must press on because if (she doesn't) there's no going back." During this, there is an extremely blurry video of what appears to be FMC's hand being given, then wrapped around, a weapon before being guided by another hand to stab an organic life form while she calls out for Qin Che.*9

Coming back to the present, Qin Che tells her "(she) must press on," and "that life (she) owes (him)--now is not the time to repay it." He offers out his hand. There seems to be a shadow above him. FMC takes his hand; "unprecedented power swells between (their) intertwined fingers," and FMC feels a change in her heart and veins. The Aether Core lets out "countless rays of golden light that seep into (her) heart. The warm, familiar power continues to surge."

She comes back to herself with no idea of how much time has passed. The Aether Core cracks in her grip, and Qin Che tells her that "its power belongs to (her) now. Naturally, the vessel will break as a result." He tries to walk away, but FMC is dragged along behind him: a pair of Evol cuffs has linked them together.

There is a long section reading as follows:

"Qin Che doesn't respond, and the powerful tremor that shook the Deepspace Tunnel ignites a chain reaction within the N109 Zone. Those shadows who believed they controlled Onychinus are eliminated from fate's tapestry. Unable to see the undercurrents beneath the water's surface, I can only smell the scent of smoke becoming more poignant as it's carried by the wind. Structures crumble and collapse, and Mephisto's wings pierce through the boundless darkness. He's accompanied by the distant tolling of a bell. It's almost like an announcement, as if the world is saying... The true leader of Onychinus has returned. However, Qin Che, amidst the raging storm, remains nonchalant as he sits next to me. Our racing vehicle leaves our enemies behind while the intermittent light seeps through the window to obscure his silhouette and goals. I never held onto the naive notion that Qin Che assisted me in acquiring the Aether Core just so he could clean house. This kind of deal would result in him suffering a major loss, and it's clear he's anything but an ignorant businessman. What are his true motives? For a moment, his expression as he gazed at the Deepspace Tunnel resurfaces in my mind. Then, I feel a sensation in my palm. I'm still clutching the fragmented protocore. It's as if I'm subconsciously grasping onto an answer that has yet to be revealed. The linkage between my hand and Qin Che's suddenly flickers, seemingly sensing the swirling thoughts in my head."

The next scene opens again with FMC on the phone with Luke, who says they heard about what happened, and Kieran congratulates them on destroying the Aether Core "together." Luke tells her they're calling to let her know there shouldn't be any more issues at The Nest, and that Qin Che told them to do it, because "while he looks mean, he's actually--" at which point Qin Che informs the twins that they will see him later, and the call ends.

FMC asks Qin Che what his plan is to get rid of the Evol linkage, and Qin Che tells her he's obviously going to cut her hand off; or that she can chill in the N109 Zone, since they have "more than enough time to solve this problem (together.)" FMC declines the offer, and Qin Che offers to destroy her Aether Core, to which she asks why they don't destroy his, instead. Audibly exhausted, he tells her that the linkage won't last long with her current level of resonance anyway.

FMC tells Qin Che she had a strange vision when they started to resonate; he tells her "it's not a big deal. From now on, (she'll) be seeing more things like that." She asks if it was real and he counters that "if (he) says yes, will (she) give (him) a sincere apology?" He tells her the world is very different from her perceptions, and that he's not in the mood to tell stories.

He gives her the brooch, and tells her she should think about the next steps, since the world outside the N109 Zone is a lot more dangerous than it was before she came; and that until their resonance issue is fixed, they'll be seeing one another more often. And, he tells her not to forget their deal.

The end card for the section reads as follows:

"So I left the N109 Zone. The dust settled. But the deal with Qin Che lingered, like a silent yet turbulent mist. I found myself falling into an abyss in the blink of an eye. The doors of memory swung open. And something began to stir. It is... another world I had once glimpsed. At the confluence of the entwined timelines, I heard it. A faint yet distinct heartbeat, echoing through the stillness of eternity."

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*1, Aah yes, we're making deals with the devil. *2, Not sure how he intends to shut the door seeing as he just kicked it off its hinges but alright, whatever. *3, Apparently we're not talking about the whys or hows of this guy summoning Wanderers just yet. *4, The choice of words is really interesting, 'the audacity to die' versus 'actually meet your end.' Since Qin Che is functionally immortal (as far as we know at this time,) there's a weird implication that he might have the ability to use the differences between those two 'states of being.' *5, Remember that project the guy was talking to Qin Che about in Ambiguous Chaos, the Fountain of Atei? Probably a connection here. *6, This is fundamentally different than Qi Yu's paintings; he was talking about how his paintings could show people what they wanted/their dreams at one point. Find that reference and link back. *7, I'm not sure if this means she's covering his eye, or just touching his eye, but if he's in front of her and she's using her right hand, it means she's reaching across their bodies to do so. So I'm really not sure of what's physically happening. *8, Immediately following this section is Qin Che: Bond: Midnight Stealth, link back when complete. *9, There is a lot of speculation (and incredible fanart) revolving around this, but seeing as I don't have access to the video in such a manner that I can enhance it/play it in slow motion, this is what I've decided to write until such time as I can clarify it further.

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Holy Carp that was a lot of directly transcribed text! I hope it was readable. I'll be moving into myths/anecdotes/bonds/memoria/etc now! There will be a lot of 'link back when complete' notes for a while, please bear with me!

[xtrablak674]

I Never Asked for Anything

I was one of those children who knew we didn't have, so I didn't ask for anything. Even when my living situation changed, not that I was aware at the time, it had already been ingrained in me to take up as little space as possible in regards to my needs. So much to the point that part of the reason I got a job at fourteen or fifteen, which ever age you can get your working papers, part of the reasoning was to buy more food for myself because I wasn't getting enough to eat. I would like to clarify its not because my grandparents weren't feeding me, its because our household was inhabited by three men, my grandfather, my intellectually challenged uncle and me.

My uncle had a voracious appetite eating just about everything in sight. As a teen with hormones, extracurricular activities, church obligations, dance classes and school I had a very active lifestyle that needed a higher caloric intake. But it was fine, I preferred to earn and buy what I needed rather than ask for something I wasn't getting. No one had explicit told me this, it was part of that common sense my mom always talked about, I had intuited that this was what I was supposed to do, take up as little space as possible.

This was a theme throughout my young adulthood, that I had to come to a resolution with. It was perfectly fine for me to take up space and fine for me to have wants and needs and more importantly have them fulfilled. Which makes it particularly poignant and alarming when I did come to this particular precipice after my grandmother first born child had attempted to kill his first born child, me.

In the aftermath I made one of my few if only request from my grandmother as I still reeled from the trauma of my father just attempting to murder me. I asked her if she could be more affectionate, I think at the time I was visible upset and crying and she had put an arm around me as we were walking back to her house, yes her house. I had escaped the attempt on my life by fleeing to a nearby friends house and calling her at work.

I remember bringing up this incident in therapy and Ms. Kennedy asked me, were the police called? Her insight took me aback I had never thought that this violence that was perpetrated on me deserved a punitive response. It hadn't even crossed my mind that I had been physically and psychologically violated and in that happening laws had been broken. My rights to a safe and comfortable living environment had been disrupted by no one other than the person who was responsible for me even existing. I deserved justice, and my loco parentis should have advocated for me getting this justice and asking for me, the thing I couldn't ask for myself. But that didn't happen, this is what happened next:

She stopped us, looked into my eyes and said if thats what you want you can initiate it. I never asked her for anything ever again.

This moment right here set the tone for our relationship for the rest of our lives. If I wanted something I had to initiate it. So when it came time for me to leave for college I never looked back.

Albeit I can extend to folks their own personal traumas, upbringings and their relationships to intimacy however failing. I think its a bigger failure when you're in a parental role and a young teenager who hasn't had the history of asking for anything asks you for one thing, and you turn it back on them. I for one would have done everything in my ability to conquer or sublimate my own feelings to make sure this child got what they needed, even if it was beyond my comfort zone. I am not a parent, but I think that is what being a parent is. Giving things to your children that you never had, even if you don't know how to.

If you don't understand where I came from, it may be hard for you to understand where I am now. As an adult with means, I don't deny myself anything. If there's something I want even if impractical I get it, because I can. A lot of who we become is based on the kind of childhoods we had, and when you grew up wanting for things, when you get to a point where you want for nothing, some choices can sometimes seems whimsical. This is something I continue to struggle with, as I try to resolve if I truly need more things to be happy.

Nowadays most of my purchases are usually vinyl, comic books or books and nary do I stray from those items. I had sworn off of paper comics, but the nostalgia is so strong for the materials that I had as a child that I still find myself drawn to buying them. Its funny that two major ways I entertain myself are reading and listening to music. Things that can ultimately be free if you're smart about it, but other things compel me to fill the voids that were left unfulfilled when I had less choices and less options.

[Photo by Brown Estate]

[thoughts4all]

Day 186: Back

Hello everyone, probably no-one. The only person that might actually read this is future me. Hello. How are you? How satisfying is life? How have my goals changed? Am I in a better state of mind?

I haven't wrote in this blog in a while. I think have not because I did not find reason to. I have been questioning life a lot lately and writing would probably help clear some of that out. Since I am currently writing I might as well try to clear out some thoughts. However, before I proceed I will provide some context of what has been going on in my life lately.

I broke up with my girlfriend a month and a half ago. I am a month and a half celibate. I went overseas to see my extended family and reconnect with my culture after 4 years. I go to the gym consistently for the first time in my life. I am attempting to grow a full beard for the first time in my life. I am back at school living with roommates taking care of my self instead of living at home with my parents. I friend-zoned a girl wanting to have sex for the first time in my life. She is really hot and I really enjoy talking to her and now she likes me more now that I friend-zoned her. I did not try for the first round of the coop job search and the job market is weak right now.

The following are my primary thoughts lately:

I think I am addicted to girls. I know I need to be alone in this section of my life. I haven't not been talking to a girl for 2 consecutive months (maybe even just one month) in over 4 years. I almost always had someone in my life. I know I need to grow myself. That includes my mindset, thoughts and my physical body. I am unhappy with my physical appearance, physical strength, how productive I am in my spare time and my career. I am actually proud of myself for working on my body but I have not shown effort in productivity or my career. Since I have not payed much attention to girls I have been able to do things like attempt to grow a patchy beard, go to the gym, sleep early. Although I am taking some steps to better myself I feel a little empty. For the first time, I felt the effects of heartbreak after a breakup. Even though I was the one to break up, it still hurt in an unexpected amount. My life feels more exiting when talking to the current girl. I know I promised I would not like her or do anything with her but it is very hard.

What is the point of my life? My career? My social bonds and memories? My positive effect on other? My own needs and desires?

The answer is honestly so simple and it is right in front of all of us; all of it. The point of my life is all four of these things. They are all intertwined. My career ties into my effect on others and my own needs and desires. My career effects society and makes the world go round. My career also gives me money and opportunities to be a little selfish and do what I enjoy. My social bonds and social memories also tie into my effect on others and my own desires. Building social connections with family, friends, and girls satisfies my own needs to connect with others and enjoy myself. Conversations, and bonding is one of my favourite pass times. Additionally, I have a positive effect on them. I make them laugh, feed them, introduce them to more friends, give them fun opportunities, and keep them company. The point of my life is made up. I set the meaning of my life. According to my environment these four make up the most of it. Neither one of the four can be the clear purpose, it is a blend. I have to keep a balance of all four and not neglect a component. Right now II am neglecting my career and half neglecting my own needs and desires. I am neglecting my own needs and desires on purpose since I believe I invested a little too much time on that aspect. But currently I do feel a little incomplete. I think investing in career will really help me. I think that is the path I need to take.

Personal goal: stay on my laptop more than my phone.

Reasons:

Can lead to writing blog posts and written meditation

Will get me away from girls (snapchat)

Will get me away from mind numbing reels

Can lead to working on my career

Can lead to more productive things in general.

[shallowrambles]

Here’s the snippets of the papers about soldier-hood with respect to Causes and Roles, and how that can manifest in autism-mimicking disorders as well as stuff that looks like withdrawal/dissociation and stuff that looks like ADHD. Alexithymia is absolutely worth your time to read about. (It was the very first thing my dad mentioned when we watched SPN together and got to angels.)

I like the framework of moral injury the most, because it imho most faithfully renders the themes that crop up in SPN re:war, and it allows each character to own their decisions and mistakes without resorting to a game of “Blame Yo-yo.” Too often, our frameworks strip the character of their decisions and past transgressions, misplace masochism as explanation for staying in a difficult fight, or misattribute the need for purpose and planning and a hope for a better future as secret smokescreen for “deeply desiring to give up and follow predestination.”

Moral injury also helps contextualize why forgiveness occurs the way it does, and even why blame occurs the way it does. The frustration-understanding tug-of-war extended comrade-to-comrade and soldier-to-soldier can completely alarm and at times completely baffle civilians. But it has to do with coming from a place of abject ruin, and in turn seeing the ruins in someone else and recognizing yourself in it.

All of our main characters grieve and struggle, and almost all of them lose faith and lose their way at various points, but the fact is, they continue to make unilateral decisions divorced from one another and be at odds with one another almost to the bitter end. They’re all quite stubborn and willful.

The only thing I haven’t included here is the family-anchored soldier papers, because they’re locked down a tad tighter. (This tends to occur in active combat zones, so it tends to be very culturally specific as well.)

The other child-soldier-related specter I’d like to plop here as worth your time is another thing that can happen in war zones and active war, which is failure to thrive and institutionalism—that special psychosocial retardation of growth that can occur at critical poverty junction points. That is, no matter how much you feed the child, it doesn’t grow. It’s a rare and specific type of failure to thrive, which can permanently affect syntax and communication in a child. Which I think has some interesting parallels to Dean’s mutism, Dean’s (depressive) emptiness with famine, Amara’s void/like appetite, etc.

:) Good night!

"Hunting has a way of changing a person. After a while, right, wrong, good, evil, they all start to look the same."

Dean in SPNwin season 1

///

"Year by year, century by century, and as your power returns and grows, we'll only become more alike. Oh, I know. Your loyalty to Castiel, the Winchesters, the rest of humanity? It will fade. And so will the minor differences -- angel armies versus monster armies, this Kansas City or that Kansas City, one world from another -- they'll fade, too.

AU Michael in season 13

///

"I have questions. I have doubts. I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore, whether you passed or failed here."

Castiel in season 4 SPN

///

Dean, Michael, nihilism, and the parallel to soldiers of Heaven in early-seasons-Supernatural. Cas, Uriel, Anna--all were trying to grapple with their reactions to war.

////

///

///

READ: "I've lost my soul."

Cas: "I destroyed everything once, and I will destroy everything again."

Dean: "I'm poison."

Jack: "I don't feel things the way I used to."

Dean: "Nothing matters...I don't matter."

[eldritch-spouse]

the post with the masochistic( I CAN'T BELIEVE I WROTE THAT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME)s/o and the biting part made me wonder how the others feel about it. Do they like it or dislike it and since Vinnel's condition prevents him from staying consistent for too long will he just lack doing it and receiving?(I feel non-canon wise he'd be afraid to be slurped up)More specifically how would Morell and Grimbly react?Obviously taking a bite out of Morell is deadly but is it still impactful if it's like a small bite?Will my mosquito vampire find it odd?

Hope you a a good day!

Do they bite?

[Nah fam, I got 'em on a leash. Excluding Breg for this.]

Fasma's fangs might feel a little weird in your skin, since they usually mold a little, unless he's feeling hostile. He will bite if you ask him too, though not very hard, and he'll never extend his fangs either. Generally, he prefers doing it with his second form's blunt teeth. In his standard form, Fasma does not want to get bitten. At all. He's tiny, you're gonna take a chunk off him!

Vinnel could only ever bite you in a really good day in terms of physical consistency. These days are rare as snowflakes and he makes the most out of them. Besides, he's learning how to slowly expose very specific parts of himself without much danger. He has a myriad of broken sharp teeth and he will bite. Hard. Just to make you scream. You can bite back, but the taste will probably repell you at light speed.

Gallon prefers nipping rather than full on biting, and you'll have to nudge him a tad to make him use more teeth. He'll never use the sharper ones, those cut very easily. You can definitely bite him, though it doesn't have an erotic effect, and mostly just results in you coughing his slime back out- Which he finds hilarious.

Morell is like a crocodile. When that jaw clamps down on something, getting him to let go is near impossible. Those teeth may be blunt but they are not fucking around. Though Morel does like to bite, he's very gentle about it and never does it in places with low fat. Don't feed this urge, he might just take a real chomp out of you someday. I also don't advise you to bite a poisonous monster. Ever. Best case scenario you get a high, worst case you die.

Santi looooves to bite! He's all about teeth and tongue, and he's not shy about it. Though, he'll always be chaste about it unless given permission to draw blood. Pain can be very quickly transformed into pleasure, and he knows just the right balance to keep you on your toes. Most demons love the taste of blood anyway. You better bite him back, as hard as you can, make him howl. He'll almost be disappointed if you don't.

Grimbly is someone I recommend you don't let bite you much, if at all. Given the fact that's how he feeds, by biting others in zones where the skin is particularly thin, his brain might jumble and he'll fully extend his fangs, perforating your body a great deal. Grimbly is aware of this, but still risks nipping you from time to time. You can bite him, but not too hard, he'll feel threatened.

Ludwig is not a demon that bites a lot, and for good reason. When wrath demons get into it, they go hard, and if Lud were to accidentally draw blood, it would only drive him to bite harder, grind his teeth, stretch the skin. Listen, he doesn't want to maul you, so the most you'll get are brief, squeezing bites. He loves it when you bite back, it revs him up beyond measure, since wrathful couplings are especially wild and harsh, though you better lean out of the way when he snaps his teeth back at you.

Patches does not have a mouth normal enough to properly bite you. It'll just look sad and dumb. He doesn't even have lips. He uses magic to handle his food, chewing is not exactly necessary. Because, again, he can't really chew. That being said, you're more than welcome to bite him. Put him in his place, bite hard, wherever you want. Listen, if you really wanted to, I'm positive Patches would let you bite his dick. And that's that on that.

Sybastian... My gal/dude/person, have you seen those teeth? Please, never encourage this half-feral bozo to bite you. But you can bite all you want, even softly on his tongue, that gets him hard real fast...

Krulu will bite you only ever in very private settings and solely to mark. Never more than the very tip of his teeth is used, otherwise you'd get mauled. I advise you not to bite at all unless you want to get immediately put in your place.

Physically cannot bite

Nebul; Fank-e.

[theramseyloft]

What to expect when you are expecting a new pigeon:

You’ve decided you want a pet pigeon.

You’ve selected the breed you want, chosen between a cock and hen, got your housing set up, purchased your feed, and found a vet.

You’ve found the rescue or breeder you want a bird from, picked the specific one you want, and your new pigeon is on their way!

If you are picking up your bird:

Pigeons travel best when covered. Being able to see the scenery pass can be overwhelming and disorienting to a bird unaccustomed to car rides (as nearly all are.)

An especially stressed individual may vomit.

If your bird is being shipped:

Your bird has (if packed and prepped correctly) been asleep for the last 2-4 days. The jetlag is real!

Your bird will be disoriented and thirsty, which will show in their poop.

Expect it to be very wet for a least the first three days, but it should firm back up over the first 5-7 days as the bird’s hydration returns to normal.

However they get there, it’s important that the bird go straight into their enclosure and given the opportunity to get their bearings for the first few days.

Pigeons can get overwhelmed in new environments and may not eat or drink until they have checked out every surface they can reach.

If the bird has just spent a few days in a dark box, being active for an extended period before they have had the opportunity to eat or drink can cause them to crash.

So it’s important not to let your new bird out to explore at least until you have witnessed them eat food and drink water.

If you will need your bird to stay in an enclosure at night, start acclimating them to Lights Out by allowing out time initially in the evening.

The length of time a pigeon is out can safely extend to pretty much any amount as they learn the house rules, but starting in the evening makes teaching/learning the Lights Out routine easier on all parties involved.

At any point after dark, you can address your pigeon and say “Lights out!” or “Bed time!” to signify that they will go back into their sleeping enclosure shortly.

Give the bird about 10 seconds to register (and yourself to make sure you know exactly where they are perched), and then repeat “Lights out.” or “Bed time.” as you flip the light switch.

It’s WAY less stressful for a bird to be gently lifted up in the dark and returned to their sleep enclosure than it would be to chase them around to try and herd them into it.

After a few repetitions, your bird should make the association between the verbal forewarning “Lights out!” or “Bed Time!” with the lights actually going out.

Birds that do not like being picked up in the dark will go back to their sleep cage on their own in that 10 seconds you give them before turning out the lights.

Birds that like to be carried will just assume the position and wait to be picked up. XD

As often as I refer to pigeons as the avian equivalent of stray dogs, there are some key social differences you need to keep in mind when bonding to your bird.

Dogs are intelligent, cooperative social predators.

The puppy template for humans is generally set to “friend, until proven otherwise.”

Meaning that a puppy who is well socialized will see every new person as a potential new friend, and is likely to be just as friendly and confident in their new home as they were at their breeder’s.

Pigeons are intelligent, cooperative social prey birds.

Their template for any large creature is “Predator, until proven safe.”

Meaning that a well socialized pigeon who is comfortably trusting of their breeder has come to see that specific human as a non-predator.

If you have not had opportunities to meet your pigeon before bringing them home, they will not have had any opportunity to get to know you well enough to come to the conclusion that you, specifically, are also safe.

So you will be building your relationship with your pigeon from the ground up, no matter how they acted for their breeder.

In those first days while your bird is getting their bearings, it’s important to talk them through everything you do.

This gets them used to your voice and starts priming them to make word associations.

Pigeons are defensive of what they consider to be nest spaces, but social away from them.

For a bird who free flies the house, nest space is the actual nest and about the bird’s body length away from it.

But for a bird with a sleeping enclosure, the entire enclosure is considered to be nest space.

Because only a predator or attacking rival will enter nest space uninvited, pigeons are severely intimidated by hands entering their enclosure.

Those word associations I mentioned earlier will help desensitize your bird to changing their food and water every day.

Make a point to tell the bird “Let me get your food/water dish!” and reach in only far enough to retrieve that specific thing, as quickly and unobtrusively as possible.

As you give them back, talk the bird through it with something along the lines of “Here’s fresh water.” or “Food time!”

Until you have bonded to your pigeon, do not reach for them in their enclosure to get them out for social time.

Open their enclosure to invite them out.

This feels, to the pigeon, like you respect the space that they feel an instinctive need to defend.

Talk to the bird while you chill in your shared space doing something innocuous like reading or surfing the internet on your phone.

This is a good time to start treat priming.

Most pigeons love safflower seeds, but not every bird does.

Pay attention to what your bird picks out of their seed blend first so you know what treats to keep on hand.

Start by greeting your bird by name and asking “Want a Treat?”

Once you have their attention, toss a few of their favorite seeds just in front of their feet.

Praise them when they peck at and eat them with a light, pleased tone.

Then just toss them a little less far away.

The first goal is for your bird to sit comfortably near you.

If you get that far in one day, great! But don’t push any faster than that.

From there, the next goal is getting them into your lap or onto your shoulder.

The next step is to get them to take treats from your open palm.

The end goal is getting them to take a single treat from between your thumb and forefinger, because a closed fist with the thumb and forefinger extended together resembles a bird’s head instead of the giant snake head a closed hand resembles or the giant, five-clawed talon an open one resembles to a bird.

This very firmly switches a pigeon’s perception of you from predator to flock mate.

In every flock of pigeons, there is at least one bird who will feed any peep who begs or any adult who asks.

I refer to these as Flock Aunties/Unkles, and this is the mantle you take on by training your birds to take treats from your fingertips this way.

By inviting them out and offering treats this way, rather than forcing them out of their comfort zone, you help your bird to expand it to include you and the socializing space they share with you.

Every pigeon is an individual, meaning they all have different temperaments and tolerances. 

This is why our available birds are categorized by temperament.

It is important to me to match a client with the bird that they are most likely to develop the closest, most meaningful bond with.

It is possible to bond with even a very skittish pigeon, but it can take much longer than it would for a human-social bird bred for temperament.

Remember that stability is important to pigeons, and moving to a new home with new human flockmates is a LOT of change all at once.

So be patient with your new friend.

Communicate with them.

Invite them to expand their comfort zone rather than forcing them out of it.

And you will build a strong bond with your new flockmate. <3

[mountainofgoats]

Back in the Saddle

Midvale, a few weeks post-Phantom Zone. In an attempt to remaster the powers Kara spent months without, she and her two most important people make a road trip home to test her flight.

Or, I just want Kara to be able to fly for the joy of it the way Clark did in Man of Steel.

Read with “Flight” by Hans Zimmer playing. You won’t regret it.

/////

Lena knows the moment Kara emerges from the house up on the ridge. Alex’s eyes flick up, back down, then up again in quick succession. An entirely smug grin alights her face before she pointedly looks back down at her tablet.

“We’re going to have to have a talk about your affinity for making my sister new suits at some point, Luthor,” she says.

Lena feels her face heat up. “No idea what you mean.”

“Sure you don’t.”

Lena scoffs. “She needed a new one,” she hisses at the smirking elder Danvers. “The one she had was wrecked and there was no fixing it.”

“Agreed,” Alex allows, smile growing. “But this is what? The fourth one you’ve made for her?”

“One other! With upgrades!”

“Mmhmm.” Alex types a few more things into the tablet. Pulls out a USB and plugs it into the side. “Sure.”

Lena feels her face go hot. “What are you insinuating, Alex?”

Alex shrugs. “Not insinuating anything,” she says. She glances back up and smiles some more. “Just thinking you’re making a habit of making suits for Kara and I kind of appreciate it.”

At Lena’s questioning look, Alex elaborates. “Winn made her first one,” she says. “And yeah, it did the job, but it was-“ she waves her hand in a so-so gesture, wincing- “not the best. Prone to wardrobe malfunctions.”

Lena snorts. “Patriarchy.”

“Fuck ‘em,” Alex agrees with a playful two finger salute.

After a shared grin with Lena, her eyes travel back to where Kara must have made it down to the beach. “They’ve all protected her, the suits you’ve made,” Alex says. Her voice has gone quiet. Gone is the light teasing. She holds Lena’s eyes for a moment. “And I... can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

Lena’s eyes suddenly mist over, and her throat works against the lump that forms there.

Alex looks pointedly back down at her tablet, where she pulls up a video feed from one of the comm pieces resting on the boulder she’s made her impromptu HQ desk. She clears her throat. “I’ve never made sure you knew that. So. Now I’m telling you.”

Lena absolutely refuses to cry, but fuck if it doesn’t take a Herculean effort. She wrestles with the hot gratitude and affection boiling in her chest as Alex fiddles with the settings on the camera feed.

Alex glances up again, and her smile turns warm in a way Lena knows is reserved only for her sister. “Looking good, sis,” she calls. “Little weird without the cape, though.”

“Thanks! Lena made it!” Kara chirps from behind Lena. “Even has pockets! And yeah, I was going to ask you about that. Is there no cape, Lena?”

She barely dares to turn, but Alex is giving her one hell of a challenging look, and she’s still a Luthor.

And Luthors never back down from a challenge.

She turns her face just enough to look over her shoulder and immediately curses that particular Luthor trait.

Sure, she made the suit. But that in no way prepares her for what it looks like when it’s wrapped around Kara. The dark blue, almost black throws her golden hair, shimmering in the late sun, in sharp relief. The smooth material sweeps over the dips and curves of her shoulders and biceps, the dip in the high collar exposing slightly below the hollow of her throat. She approaches silently on the sand, the soft and supple deep maroon boots smooth and soundless. Lena had left the pants a little loose, a little more comfortable, but that did nothing to hide the muscle that bunches and releases rhythmically as Kara walks across the sand.

And she’s looking quizzically at Lena. Head slightly titled, blue eyes somehow even bluer against the darkness of her suit, the blue and red accents, and the reddish tint of the setting sun.

Lena rips her eyes away from the subtle dips in Kara’s abs and desperately wracks her brain to remember what question was asked of her.

“Cape, Lena?” Alex prompts with a shit eating grin.

“Right,” Lena coughs. She turns fully to meet Kara, hand already pointing to the belt slung diagonally across Kara’s chest. “I figured, since you’re not wanting to be in the limelight just yet, I should make it a bit more understated,” Lena explains. “Did you see the crest on your left shoulder?”

“Yeah,” Kara nods. “I like that it’s so small.”

“Press it.”

Kara’s eyes dance with curiosity, not leaving Lena’s, as she reaches up to press on the tiny S affixed to the dark brown leather.

At the press of Kara’s fingers, the nanites immediately begin to crawl across the suit, gathering and extending down her back and around her chest in a long, deep maroon cloak. Kara lets out a startled sound of delight, swishing the thick material and stroking at it with near reverence.

“More nanites?” Alex smirks.

Lena shrugs, tossing the elder Danvers a smirk of her own. “I mean, I do have an MO at this point. No sense in ditching it.”

“It’s great!” Kara exclaims. She swishes the cloak again, grinning happily. “I can put it away if I want! This would have saved me so many headaches years ago!”

She bounces over to Lena and wraps her up in a warm hug. “Thank you,” she says quietly. Only for Lena. “I love it.”

Lena squeezes her around the back, hands fisting in the material of the cloak, feeling herself flush with happiness. “I’m glad,” she whispers.

“That’s actually a pretty good idea, Lena,” Alex says as they break apart. She’s back at the tablet, tapping and looking over some sort of read out. “She was always complaining how the cape got in the way.”

Lena arches an eyebrow at Kara. “What about your cape tricks?”

Kara grimaces. “Much less useful than I was led to believe.”

Alex snorts. “Understatement of the century,” she mutters. “Okay,” she strides over to a Kara and gently fits a comm around her ear. “That has a GPS and camera built in. We’ll be able to see what you see, know where you are, monitor vitals-“

Kara makes a face. “Wait, if you can track me, couldn’t someone else?”

Lena shakes her head. “The crest has signals built in to interfere with radar. Any signal that’s not Alex’s will get scrambled to cloak you.”

Kara surges forward for another hug, and over her shoulder Lena sees Alex smile with an exasperated shake of her head.

“Always protecting,” she mutters.

“What, Alex?” Kara asks as she lets Lena go and takes a step back.

“Nothing,” Alex says. She inputs a few more commands on the tablet, then looks up at Kara. “So. You ready?”

Lena glances over to Kara for what she thinks will be a quick confirmation.

But in those brief seconds, Kara’s easy smile and eager brightness had darkened.

In the red glow of the sun, she stands with her face tilted upward. She gazes at the sky with unfiltered longing, but her hands are trembling. Her whole being quivers, wound tight like a spring, as if she wants nothing more than to hurl herself up to the clouds. But there’s a tightness in her eyes, something there that just... won’t let her. She just stands there, shaking, looking up with haunted eyes.

Alex reaches out, rests a hand on Kara’s forearm. “Hey,” she murmurs. “You don’t have to do anything crazy. Whatever you’re ready for is all you have to do. The rest will follow.”

Kara nods, but still she hesitates. “But what if- what happens if I can’t- I mean-“

“I caught you floating in your sleep two nights ago,” Lena says gently and Kara’s eyes - desperate, scared eyes - whip to hers. “You can do this. But only if you’re ready to. Okay?”

The near manic desperation in Kara’s eyes cools as they hold each other’s gaze. She squeezes Alex’s hand, takes a breath, and nods resolutely.

“Yeah, yeah,” she mutters, giving her shoulders a shake. “I’m good. I’m okay.”

Alex squeezes her arm, then lets go. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Kara has her eyes on the sky again, gives her shoulders one more fortifying shake. She flexes her hands, rubs them on her pants once. She glances over at Lena and seems to brighten at the reassuring smile Lena gives her.

“Okay,” she breathes. “Here goes nothing.”

She stills, closes her eyes. Breathes in deep, then lets it out slow.

She breathes once more, the tense lines of her face relaxing.

Silently, her feet leave the sand.

Alex reaches over for Lena’s arm and grasps it tightly.

Eyes still closed, Kara rises higher in the air, straight up. She turns in gentle circles as she ascends, up and above the ridge.

Alex is looking over the read-outs on the tablet, eyes darting back and forth with near frantic energy. “Looking good so far, Kara,” she says distractedly. “Vitals are good. You’re at a hundred feet now.”

“Feels good,” comes Kara’s voice through the comms. “I’m not even trying.”

Alex’s smile is so proud Lena wants to cry. “That’s good, kid. That’s so good. Two hundred feet now.”

Alex is still gripping Lena’s arm painfully tight, but she’s rocking up on her toes happily, shooting Lena fervent looks of pure joy.

“Knew you could do it, Kara,” Lena says into her own comms, taking Alex’s hand away from her arm but keeping ahold of it. She squeezes as tight as her own bubbling pride allows.

Kara’s finally in the air. She’s flying. It’s one more step closer to conquering the giant mountain they’ve been climbing since she got back.

“How high now, Alex? I’m not looking.”

Alex glances at the screen, then up towards where Kara is becoming a dark dot among the clouds. “A thousand feet. Still feeling good?”

“Yeah. Really good, actually.”

“Have you opened your eyes yet?” Alex’s voice is teasing.

“No. What if I’m suddenly afraid of heights?” Her voice is childishly whiny, drawing a chuckle out of Alex and Lena.

Lena glances down at the video feed from Kara’s earpiece and has to stop herself from gasping.

“Kara, I think you should open your eyes,” she says slightly breathlessly.

“I’m gonna fall if I do,” comes Kara’s tight reply.

Alex is also staring at the camera feed, watching as the view of the water recedes farther toward the bottom of the screen as Kara rises higher and higher. “Kara, you want to see it,” she says. “Trust us.”

Lena knows the exact moment Kara opens her eyes. There’s a tiny gasp through the comms, and the camera arrests in place. Locked on to the brilliance of the shimmering water, the watercolor of the clouds in the light of the setting sun.

For a moment, Kara hangs motionless in the air.

Alex is anxiously tightening and loosening her grip on Lena’s hand. Looking up to where Kara is barely a speck in the sky, back to the camera, then back up again.

“Kara?” she says, a small break in her voice. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” comes Kara’s breathless voice. “Yeah, no, I’m good.”

There’s another moment of silence, then “It’s breathtaking. I... I’d almost forgotten-“ her voice cracks, and she clears her throat -“How beautiful this planet is.”

Alex squeezes Lena’s hand so tight it hurts, and Lena brings her free hand to grip at Alex’s forearm.

Alex sniffles, swipes her eyes against her shoulder. “It has its moments,” she rasps.

For a few long moments, they three stay silent. Lena and Alex on the ground, clutching at hands and arms in barely restrained joy with the waves lapping nearby.

And Kara, so high they can’t even see her, hanging in midair. Silent save for her gentle, easy breathing and the wind whistling around her.

And then, so suddenly both Lena and Alex flinch, she huffs a breath.

“Wanna see how fast I can get around the world?”

Alex barks a laugh, exchanging a fond and relieved look with Lena. “Your record is what? Thirty four seconds?”

“I can beat that,” comes the cocky reply.

And god, she sounds so happy.

Alex scoffs. “If you say so.”

Lena pulls out her phone and sets up a stopwatch. “On my mark, then?” she says.

“Don’t break anything, Kara,” Alex warns, though there’s no bite in her voice.

“And don’t break that suit,” Lena chimes in.

Kara’s voice has a tiny edge of Supergirl - the first since the Phantom Zone - when she replies. “Nothing’s getting broken here except the sound barrier.”

A shiver shoots down Lena’s spine. She does her best to ignore why.

“In three, two, one-“ she taps her phone- “Go.”

BOOM!

The noise vibrates through Lena’s chest. High above, the sky seems to part for Kara as she rockets towards the sun, leaving a trail in her wake.

Lena and Alex crowd the screen, watching wide-eyed as the ocean zips by far below, clouds whipping past, the camera quivering with the breakneck speed.

“Oh my god,” Lena murmurs almost by accident.

On the screen, a dark line of land rapidly approaches on the horizon as Kara hurtles toward it.

“That’ll be Japan,” Alex mumbles. She checks the read-outs and nods to herself. “Vitals are still good. Heart rate’s a little elevated, but considering-“ she gestures to the screen with a wry smile.

Lena nods, barely holding back happy tears.

On screen, Kara slows just enough for the sound to come back. Air whistles through the comms, her breathing slightly labored, and she ducks her head to watch the cities blink far below.

She won’t break her record by slowing like this, but Lena doesn’t mention that. And neither does Alex. They just watch as Kara picks up speed again, camera angling strangely as she dives.

She shoots west, weaving in huge slalom turns. The camera angles and tilts as she looks across the water, across the trees and grasslands and mountains as she passes them. Cities and towns flash past like street lights on a highway.

On the screen, her GPS tracks her through the rest of Asia, across India and into Africa. It’s a far cry from the speed she’d shot off at, but she doesn’t seem to mind as she dips and rolls through the clouds, hand outstretched as if to catch the swirling vapors.

Once she reaches the distant coast, Kara dips so low her hand reaches out to skim the water. She sails over the waves, fingers dragging, until she finds a pod of dolphins playing in the white water. For a moment, she flies just above the waves with them as they leap and dance.

The camera jerks toward the sky, and Kara gives a loud, delighted whoop as she shoots upwards. Spinning and spinning so fast the camera is blurring with the speed.

And through it all, Kara is laughing. Huge, joyous belly laughs, arms outstretched and head thrown back as she sails back into the clouds.

At 40,000 feet, she slows her ascent. Like a ball tossed in the air, she hovers at a stop for a split second before she starts to plummet. She turns, belly down and arms outstretched as the ocean rushes to meet her.

Still laughing with outrageous joy.

“God I missed that,” Alex murmurs. Her voice quivers and breaks.

Lena doesn’t take her eyes away from the screen. She doesn’t want to miss a single moment of this. But she does give Alex’s hand a squeeze in agreement.

Because hearing that laugh, being here and watching as Kara rolls and dives through the air, is healing pieces of Lena’s heart that she didn’t think would ever even scab over.

Kara’s joy is infectious, like it had always been. And Lena finds that she’s soaking it in like a woman parched.

On screen, Kara shoots off with another mighty BOOM. Her GPS shows her hurtling across the US at breakneck speed.

“Not even close to her record,” Alex laughs wetly. “Guess we’ll have to try again later.”

Lena swipes her hand under her eyes with a chuckle, catching tears that neither of them really acknowledge.

And seconds later, Kara lands with a muffled thump. Sand flies under her feet, and the ground trembles.

But her face is flushed, smile radiant, eyes glistening with tears.

Alex takes a step toward her, but pauses. “You okay?”

Kara gives a sobbing laugh, gestures helplessly with her hands. But her smile is wondrous.

Alex surges forward and wraps her in a tight hug. Kara clutches back, hands buried in her sister’s jacket and face pressed against her shoulder.

After a moment, one hand reaches out, fingers wiggling invitingly.

Lena takes that hand in both of hers and holds on tight. Over Alex’s shoulder, Kara’s eyes crinkle with her smile, sparkling and overwhelmed. She squeezes Lena’s hand, then tucks her eyes against her sister’s shoulder with a huge breath.

In a way, Lena feels as if they’re all breathing that same breath of relief.

“I wanna go again.” Kara’s voice is muffled adorably against Alex’s jacket.

Alex chuckles and rocks Kara back and forth happily. “We can stay out here as long as you want.”

Kara nods. “’Kay,” she says. But she holds on to Alex tighter, fingers digging into her jacket. “But in a minute, okay?”

Alex nods. Presses a kiss to the side of Kara’s head. “In a minute.”

And that seems to suit all three of them just fine. No one’s quite ready to let go yet.

/////

I'm a sucker for the angst just as much as the next nerd but I needed them to just... be happy and together. Just for a moment.

[helliontherapscallion]

Adrenaline Junkie

Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Ages (oldest to youngest):

Philza- 32

Technoblade- 17 

Wilbur- 17

(Y/N)- 16

Tommy- 14

Pairing: platonic!sbi x winged!sibling!reader

Warnings: near death experiences, mentions of depression, OOC sbi (this is my first time writing about them)

Summary: Philza finds out about your little “habit”

Word count: 1,962

You grinned as you flew through the air with your feathers glinting in the low sunlight. You absolutely loved the feeling of freedom you got whenever you flew. It always gave you a sense of calm when you needed a break from your family. You loved them of course, but you needed a break once and a while; you often felt drained if you didn’t take some time to yourself. The cold air rushed past you as you continued to flap your wings to keep you in the air. 

You could not see the ground below you as you soared higher into the clouds, weaving in and out of them. Flying higher, you steadied yourself to look at the sunset. The mixture of pinks, oranges, and yellows blended together perfectly. You always loved the sunset, it was one of the only consistent things in your life. You wished that you could stay hovering hundreds of feet above the ground, but mobs were going to be spawning soon. The last time you stayed out past sunset you had almost gotten killed by a skeleton. Your dad had given you quite the lecture after he made sure that you were alright. You still had the scars on your arms from when it tried to shoot you out of the air.

You angled yourself so you were upside down, put your arms tight to your sides, and extended your wings fully behind you. You dove closer and closer to the earth, quickly picking up speed. The wind whipped around you as you gained velocity, getting closer and closer to the ground by the millisecond. At the last second, you fully extended your wings and drastically slowed your descent to the ground. The extra velocity you had made you soar up once again before you regained control and landed safely on the ground. The adrenaline that the skydive gave you was the most exhilarating feeling you’ve ever felt, and you were always craving it. Your dad didn’t find it as fun or exhilarating as you did.

“(Y/N) (M/N) MINECRAFT.”

Your father’s voice boomed from behind you. You could tell that he was in a lecturing mood without even having to look at him. He grabbed your arm and spun you around. Grabbing your other arm, he looked you up and down with worried blue eyes. After seeing that you were alright, his gaze hardened and he took a deep breath.

“Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?”

He rattled on and on about how you could’ve killed yourself, but quite frankly you didn’t care if you died or got hurt. In your opinion, the adrenaline you got was worth it. You had three lives you could spend, and if you did die, you wanted to go out with a bang all three times. What could you say? You were an adrenaline junkie through and through. 

He started to drag you inside the house mid lecture. Swinging open the door, he pulled you towards the kitchen, where the scent of fresh mushroom stew wafted from the pot on the stove. Your brothers looked at you each with their own different reactions. Techno looked as stoic as ever, Wilbur eyed you with slight disapproval, and Tommy looked at you with awe and excitement. They must’ve seen your little trick through the window. 

“(Y/N) THAT WAS POGGERS! YOU WERE SUCH A BADA-”

Tommy’s excited rant was cut short as he saw the stern look on Philza’s face. After a few moments of hesitation, your brothers were making small talk with each other with Philza occasionally chiming in. Poking idly at your food, you contemplated how you should go about apologizing to your dad. 

You supposed that the best route you could go was telling him that you wouldn’t do that again, but you knew you would do it again. That was the biggest adrenaline rush you’ve ever gotten and you were already craving it again. You couldn’t lie to your dad, your wings always gave you away by twitching uncomfortably whenever you lied. On the other hand, telling him that you felt empty when you didn’t have adrenaline coursing through your veins was not an option. He already has enough to worry about with working to provide for four teenagers. Deciding that your best bet was to lie to him and hope for the best, you zoned back into the conversation around you. Tommy was ranting about how he had broken his favorite sword dueling Techno.

“-do you have any idea how long it took me to find that enchantment, Techno?”

Techno huffed slightly in amusement. “Actually I do because I helped you find that enchantment. We found it in the village together, remember?”

“Tommy,” Philza said tiredly, “we can get you another enchanted sword. Techno, you need to be more gentle with your little brother. You have to remember he’s three years younger than you, so he has less experience in dueling.”

Tommy grumbled to himself, busying himself with shoveling food in his mouth. Wilbur glanced at him with disgust.

“Do you have to eat like that, Tommy? It’s disgusting.”

“Well, Wilbur, it’s not my fault I’m hungry.”

“You’re eating like we don’t feed you.”

You usually enjoyed it whenever your siblings argue back and forth like this, but lately it didn’t make you feel anything. You didn’t feel much anymore if you weren’t pulling off impulsive stunts. Of course, you hid it from your family and acted like you did before. It was relatively easy since you were naturally a quiet person. You thought you were doing a great job at it, you pride yourself on your acting skills.

Dinner went by fast without anything notable happening. Since it was your night to clean up, you got to work after everyone parted ways for the night. You stacked the dishes left on the dinner table and got to work washing them. Luckily, since you lived with three teenage boys, you never had to deal with leftovers. You subconsciously stretched and twitched your wings, feeling restless without feeling the wind moving through your feathers. After you got done with putting the dishes away, you took a deep breath and set out on your search for Philza. 

Walking into the living room, you saw Techno sitting near the fireplace reading one of his mythology books. “Hey, Tech. Do you know where Dad is? I need to talk to him.”

Without looking up from his book, he responded in his usual monotone voice. “Yeah, he’s up in his room. I think he’s going to bed early.” He paused for a second before looking up at you with sincerity. “You know, he was terrified when he saw you earlier. He thought that you weren’t gonna stop yourself in time. Hell, we all thought you were gonna die.”

That made you feel guilty. He already had to deal with providing and raising you four and he didn’t need anything else to worry about. You felt your wings droop slightly as you sighed. 

“...Thanks, T. G’night, love you.”

You started to speed walk to Philza’s room without giving him time to respond. You needed to apologize to him and fast. Out of all your siblings, you were always the one to hate conflict and would always apologize first whenever you got into a disagreement with anyone. You were always the pacifist. 

Walking past Tommy in the hallway, he tried to stop you to talk to you, but you ignored him with a dismissive wave of your wing. You heard him mumbling to himself as he started to walk down the stairs, probably to challenge Techno to a rematch. You nervously fluttered your wings, feathers occasionally brushing against the walls and causing you to shiver slightly at the small touch. Your hands were shaking slightly as you took a steadying deep breath and knocked on Philza’s door. Hearing his tired “come in”, you slowly opened his door. He situated himself so that he was sitting on the edge of his bed and gestured for you to sit next to him.

“Hey, Dad. I-I just wanted to say sorry for worrying you earlier. If I knew that it would stress you out, I wouldn’t have done it.” You sat next to him.

He sighed as he wrapped an arm across your shoulders, pulling you into his side. “I don’t care if it stressed me out. You could’ve gotten killed from a fall at that height. You could have lost a life. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t open your wings in time.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Then why’d you do it if you knew that you could’ve gotten yourself killed? I just want to understand why you would pull a stunt like that, I’d never expect you out of all of your siblings to do something so dangerous.”

You took a deep breath as you contemplated your next words. You really wanted to tell him about how you felt empty without putting yourself in danger. You wanted to tell him that you didn’t feel like yourself anymore. Unconsciously, your wings started to twitch and pull themselves closer to your body. 

You jumped when you felt something else wrap around you. You looked back and saw black feathers. Looking back up at your father, he looked at you with a concerned expression. 

“Take a deep breath, you’re shaking hun.”

You looked down at your hands and to your surprise, they were shaking. You took a few deep breaths and clasped your hands together tightly while Philza rubbed comforting circles on your back. 

“...It’s just that, I haven’t been feeling like myself lately, if that makes any sense. It’s like I can’t feel anything anymore without doing stupid things that could get me killed. It wasn’t the first time I’ve dived like that. One time I lost control and almost flew into lava-filled ravine.”

“...How long have you felt like this?”

“A few months now.”

Philza felt his heart break, how did he not notice that you were different for months? You could’ve gotten yourself hurt or permanently maimed yourself and it would’ve been his fault because he didn’t notice your mood shift. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t notice sooner.”

“It’s not your fault, Dad. I didn’t tell you anything was wrong. Please don’t blame yourself.”

“We can help you find something that’ll help you. Something less dangerous.”

“We?”

“Your brothers and I. They’ve been listening this entire time, weren’t you, boys?”

You heard shuffling and muffled voices arguing with each other before the door opened to reveal your sheepish brothers. Wordlessly, they all filed into the room. Tommy grabbed your shoulders and yanked you into a tight hug. You felt Wilbur hug your other side before he pulled Techno into the group hug also. You felt feathers tickle your cheek as Philza joined, wrapping his giant wings around you all. The family hasn’t had a group hug since you all started to hit your teenage years. For the first time in a while, you felt happy without risking your life.

After that night, you were right in your assumption that you’d be grounded (literally and metaphorically) from flying for a while while your family worked hard to find something safe that gave you a distraction. Soon, Wilbur found a book about the intricacies of redstone working and you were hooked. Sure, your family was rambunctious and a strange group, but you wouldn’t want it any other way.

[cinnamonest]

Y’all are too nice to me I swear… here I am being horny and nasty on main and I’m getting encouraged, damn. But for real  ( ´ ω ` ) thank you so much!!

I’m gaining more confidence to post more smutty stuff and the kind of dark shit I like, so I might go back and make more nasty Childe content later on too… After Albedo, I got Razor and Zhongli coming up, and a few ones I just worked on for fun. But yeah, just in case it wasn’t clear for anyone who followed me, I’m going to be writing almost entirely dark content and some really nasty stuff, so just be aware of that, and don’t consume my writing if that’s something that may be harmful to you.

Albedo is so pretty… and such good dark content material… He treats you like a science experiment but has the audacity to make it hot smh

I haven’t seen a whole lot of him outside the cutscenes, so potentially ooc (as if yandere content isn’t already ooc, lmao)

Albedo - Yandere Profile

tw: general yandere content, obsessive behavior, stalking

tw (below cut): smut, noncon (seriously, you’ve been warned)

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Very much aware. In the beginning, it frustrates him. He’s never been particularly attached to anyone, outside of his former instructor. He’s always enjoyed being out on his own, spending extended amounts of time by himself – the desire to be around someone is a foreign feeling for him. He immediately notices how bizarre the emotion is for him, how it changes his behaviors. His self awareness combined with perceptiveness makes him able to acutely recognize not only how unusual this emotion is for him, but also how the extent of his feelings, the types of desires they ignite in him, is unusual even for “normal” people who aren’t social recluses.

He’s frustrated by his own actions, feels embarrassed at how attached he is to you, how easily you make him flustered and trip over his words. As he is a very aware yandere, he’s definitely afraid of rejection to some degree. He has no idea how to navigate feelings and interactions with other people, he’s never really had the desire to form a particularly strong bond with anyone before. As such, he’ll come across as very awkward, and he will interact with you less than most yanderes – he knows he’s just going to embarrass himself if he talks to you, right? He’ll just mess up and say something strange, so instead, he opts to watch you from the shadows, go to places where you are, but keep a distance from you, just being able to watch you makes him feel fluttery and overwhelmed. 

He will definitely be one to collect things from you. He collects plenty of things for the sake of science, this is no different. Or so he tries to tell himself, but he can’t delude himself even if he tries. He knows its weird, he knows its wrong, but the overwhelming urge to have things of yours is too great to resist. He’ll start off with more innocent things, but it will gradually progress to not-so-innocent… items of yours.

It may not be obvious, but he’s actually a fairly sensitive person, at least regarding you. He places a lot of value in what you think of him, and wants to ensure you’ll respond positively to him. He views it like a science – there should be some formula by which he can put in the correct actions, and produce a specific result. Unfortunately, unlike real science, there’s not much room for trial and error – he feels he only has once chance.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

It will take some time, as he’s got to get over his own nerves first. He’s torn between the fear of you hating him for such a thing, it would be the end of the world for him, but also the desire to pull you away from the world, to keep you hidden from others, to have you all to himself, to be the only person that gets to look at you. If you start showing positive signs, reacting positively to his gifts, expressing interest in conversation with him and going out of your way to see him, he’ll start to get more confident, think that he can afford to do something that might sour your opinion of him, hoping it will merely be temporary.

He’ll probably start to do so several times and back out. He’ll set out at night, make it all the way to your room and stand over your sleeping form, and he’ll start to worry, wonder if someone saw him, see holes in his plans, he gets too nervous and bolts. He’ll persuade you into being alone with him, and although its the chance he’s looking for, again, he’ll get nervous, worry about being caught, run through all the what-ifs, and miss the chance. Honestly, when he does finally take you, it will probably be not planned, but in the heat of the moment, a rash decision from desperation. Something like you coming to visit him to tell him you’re leaving the area, came to say goodbye, and he’ll panic, ultimately grabbing you by the arm as you try to leave and dragging you back inside, silently, but forcefully.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape?

Moderately difficult. Your best bet is to take advantage of his tendency to be absent minded when he’s absorbed in his work. He gets very lost in his thoughts, to a point where he’ll completely zone out and be oblivious to the world around him. On the downside, this means you won’t have much time to cover distance, he’ll be close behind the moment he realizes you’re gone.

The route he’ll probably take is actually one where you won’t need to be too restrained, because you’ll be taking… a little research trip. Out to the most freezing, desolate areas of the mountains. He’s convinced the knights he needs to stay there for his research, but in reality, he’s internally panicking, as he tries to figure out how to make this work – after all, you two can’t stay here forever. You’d be foolish to run out of the little cabin he’s bought, out into the perilous freezing cold and jagged, high slopes. At first, he thinks there’s no way you’d try it, so he’s content letting you have free reign to walk around as you please. If he has to leave for whatever reason, he’ll probably lock you into a single room, but he won’t chain you up, as again, he's really trying to avoid making you hate him.

If you prove to be determined to leave, he’ll be hurt, but mostly concerned for you. He’s actually not one to get too mad over an escape attempt – he’ll blame himself, or theorize it’s just a natural response your brain triggered. Against his first choice, he’ll end up having to get more strict with your restraints. If you get too whiny, though… you might trigger one of his more frustrated moments.

“I didn’t want to have to do this… I’m sorry. I can’t risk anything bad happening to you. Tell me if it’s too tight… I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t blame you. I know you’re probably panicking over all this, but you’ll get adjusted to it, I promise. Just… just give it some time… it’s not so bad, living with me, I promise.”

“Don’t be like that. You’re only tied up because you tried to leave. You should understand why you have to be kept like this… If you don’t want to be restrained, you shouldn’t have run out, trying to get yourself killed.”

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

For all his academic intelligence, he’s not highly skilled with people and socialization. He’s not too good at being able to tell when he’s being lied to, and he definitely won’t pick up on subtle manipulation. It’ll be pretty easy to wrap him around your finger, he’ll do what he can to make you happy.

Once he finds out you’ve lied to him, though, he’ll get pretty upset. He likely won’t trust you again, and will require proof of anything you say, or set out to find out if you’re telling him the truth or not.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He’ll try to accommodate you, giving you things you ask for, but he has limits. He’s too paranoid to let you have any contact with the outside world. You do have him wrapped around your finger to an extent, though. Whatever he’s doing at the moment, he’ll drop it in a heartbeat if you want to spend time with him in any way, even if its just you asking for food or to take a walk. He’ll be willing to take you for very short trips outside, no further than a few yards from the lodging, if only because he knows sunlight is vital to your health.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

The basics will be there – don’t try to leave, don’t be difficult with him, try to cooperate, be obedient. However, he’s also particularly overprotective of anything that can hurt you – even yourself. Under no circumstances can you handle anything that can hurt you – that means no cooking, no knives, no lifting anything heavy, no going outside without him. If you’re determined to cook something, he’ll have to stand right behind you, and watch while you do it. If you get so much as a little cut or burn, he’ll take over, insisting you go sit down after he tends to your “wounds.”

At the very beginning, he’ll be hesitant to punish you too much, as part of his plan to get you to like him. However, he can be a little easily frustrated, and your safety and well-being comes first, even if it means he has to make you upset. He will have to restrain you, take away what little privileges you had. If you try to bolt while you’re outside, no more going outside. If you try something foolish like attacking him with a knife when he gives you cooking privileges, you will lose said privileges. Really, the worst part of it all is the humiliation, being treated like a dumb, incapable baby that can’t do anything for yourself. He insists on doing everything for you, even down to bathing you and dressing you, even feeding you if you can’t convince him to take restraints off your hands. He’ll talk down to you in that way, too, talking to you as if you were a child.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

It’s a situation he’s not prepared to handle, and he’s unsure of what to do. It strikes fear in him that you might have someone else interested, so he has to get rid of them as quickly as possible. He’s not opposed to killing, if it comes down to that, but initially, he’ll try to work behind the scenes – expose something that will ruin their reputation, get them accused of a crime. This would also be one of the possible aforementioned situations that might cause him to kidnap you a bit earlier than he normally would, as well. If he can’t get rid of them easily, he’ll just take you away from them.

He will absolutely try to make you hate them, try to ruin your image of them, and he’s rather good at falsifying evidence for his claims of their behavior. With his alchemic skills, that sort of thing is easily possible.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He gets more frustrated than anything, when you’re being difficult. This is mostly just him sighing quite a bit, speaking a bit harshly, even pouting and sulking a bit if you’ve offended him. But true anger in him is not pretty, and almost never happens. It’s a buildup, a slow rise that has a boiling point. If he reaches that point, he can definitely get mad enough to hurt you, it’s actually kind of terrifying in how sharp of a contrast it is to how he normally is. It’s a side of him that’s very difficult to draw out. He’s not one to yell or shout, no, his anger is a suffocating silence, he slams down whatever he’s holding as he stomps over to you, grabbing you by the arms hard enough to bruise, and dragging you by the hair to whatever he has planned.

With mild frustration outbursts, he will feel justified, but if it reaches that intense anger, he’ll usually give at least a little apology, tell you he didn’t mean to go that far. He hates to think of you fearing him, but ultimately, if that’s what’s necessary to keep you safe, then he can live with it.

Do they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

It’s an odd mix. On one hand, he sees you as utterly fascinating, the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on, more than any landscape or art he’s seen or made, an invaluable treasure to be kept on a high pedestal. Simultaneously, however, he will treat you like a child, thinks you can’t do anything for yourself. It’s a bizarre duality, but one he is consistent on. You’re precious, so very precious, and he’s undeserving of you, but at the same time, you need him to be safe and sound.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

Of the genshin boys, he’s one of the most determined. He’s not good with people, and he doesn’t really have anyone particularly close to him left anymore. He tends to keep people at a distance. You sort of fill an space inside him that he never knew was empty, a void he wasn’t aware he had until it was consumed by thoughts of you. He doesn’t need anyone or anything else, so long as he has you with him, but he really, really wants it to be true that you love him. He doesn’t need you to even love him as much as he loves you – he doesn’t even know if that’s possible – but he just wants to know that, even if only in the slightest, his feelings are returned. He’s so distant from everyone else, but you wormed your way into his heart, even if you didn’t intend to, with your smiles and softness and kindness towards him. For the first time, he feels weak around someone, but in a way, it’s a good feeling. He wants to be able to be vulnerable, be weak, and not have anything to fear by doing so.

He’s lucid, though, so he doesn’t expect you to love him immediately. As he’s not good with words or displays of affection, he’ll get you all sorts of gifts. Rare items that you wonder how the hell he obtained them, beautifully crafted little trinkets from all his searching and time traveling, more clothes than you could ever wear. You’ll start to feel a little guilty, it’s so much, and you’re certain he doesn’t have that much money. He’ll blow it off, say it’s no big deal, but if you insist, he’ll have to start finding new ways to convey his affection. In captivity, he won’t stop trying, but he’ll understand why you might be angry. In that case, he will utilize what he’s learned from research in books he’s read. He knows that eventually, with him being the only one you have, the only company, the only one to talk to, the only source of touch, you’ll eventually have to cave. You’ll become attached to him, bond with him, whether you like it or not. He knows how powerful the affect of touch can be, and will make sure to hold you in his arms, keep you on his lap, make you crave the only source of human touch you can get. Dependency, he thinks, is the gateway to you loving him.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Drawings. So many of them. Much like his drawings he uses in notes, he’s found he tends to start scribbling a familiar face when his mind drifts off. He’s memorized every little detail of your face, every curve on your body. If you’re ever snooping around, you’ll eventually uncover a book of sketches he has solely dedicated to drawings of you. Drawings of you laughing, smiling, sleeping, drawings that you’re certain were of real events you were at, that you didn’t remember him being at. Every bit in perfect detail. If you confront him about it, he’ll be horrifically embarrassed, insisting they’re no good, or, if you’re upset, trying to reassure you it was all from his mind and totally not him lurking in the shadows as he watches you.

Also, if you want to make him happy, get him on one of his spiels about his work, his interests, anything that he can catch onto and go on and on about. He’ll catch himself rambling and apologize for being “annoying,” but if you reassure him, and express interest, that will make him feel particularly appreciated. It would be a primary way to get on his good side and manipulate him, or lull him into false security to make your escape, if that’s what you’re looking to do. But be warned, it will only work once, and he’ll be far too hurt to let himself indulge in sharing these things with you again.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Publicly, definitely highly reserved. He’s easily flustered, and thinks of sex in a very scientific way, for the purpose of procreation. For fun? He knows it’s enjoyable, but can’t separate it from his very analytic, scientific way of viewing things. It’s a formula, you touch this here and pull that there, and the result is supposed to be orgasmic bliss. He just isn’t very familiar with pleasure – he doesn’t drag out masturbation, even, as that would be a waste of time. He gets it over with quickly, taking short breaks during his work. He is a fairly high drive, though, and gets the urge fairly frequently, about once or twice a day.

He’ll be hornier with your presence, having to leave more frequently to get off to the little things you do, quickly getting himself off while recalling the mental image of you holding a pen in your mouth, the little moan when you stretch, the way your clothes fit to your frame.

Prior to abduction, he’s not particularly touchy at all, in fact, he’s very jumpy if you touch him. Once he’s gotten you alone with him for the foreseeable future, isolated, dependent, he’ll gain more confidence, be willing to give into his cravings to touch you, hold you, eventually progressing to groping you, moving his hands up and down your body, under your clothes, slowly peeling them off.

He’s initially a bit ashamed of his urges towards you, feels guilty every time he gets off to you, but will likewise gain more confidence once you're his.

A guy can only fight off the urge for so long before he cracks, before he can’t continue to care about the consequences. For him, that point is when he knows he finally has you all to himself – his worries fade, and while the guilt is still there, it’s far outweighed by desire.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

He does care, but as stated previously, it’s hard to fight the urge for so long. It will be torture, but for the first few days, he wants you to “adjust” to your new “home,” and not add to your panic. After that, though, he’ll try to assess your reactions. If you’re extremely resistant, he’ll give you more “adjustment” time. He can’t really hold off forever, though, and eventually, maybe a few weeks in, comes to the conclusion that if he just does what he wants, so long as he’s gentle and reminds you he loves you, it will help you get past the mental barrier in your mind. He’s convinced there’s simply a psychological issue, and that sometimes, people need a push. It’s like having a friend who can’t swim – sometimes, you just have to throw them into the water, help them get over that mental hurdle, and they’ll be grateful in the end. That’s what he tells himself to justify it, anyway. He has enough… anatomical prerequisite knowledge to know what’s good and what’s bad, and will take your body’s positive reactions as a sign of what you really want. Is definitely the kind to use that against you, holding up his fingers to your face after you cum on them, as if to prove a point.

“See? I told you, you just have to let go and give in to what you want… if you didn’t, my fingers wouldn’t be dripping like this, now would they?”

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

He wants to experiment on you. This manifests as him being something of a service top without really intending to be, even if you’re not exactly happy about it. He likes to watch your reactions, watch the way your body moves, test the pleasure you get from different things, discover what it is that you like, even if you weren’t aware of it. In particular, he’s fascinated by the fact that girls have so many types of orgasms. He’ll want to try them all, watch and see which ones are more intense than others, which ones make you convulse, makes your toes curl, your eyes roll back. Which erogenous zones make your breath hitch, make you twitch and whimper. Probably the type to be determined that he can make you cum just from something like sucking on your nipples, and he won’t stop until he achieves it. He’ll also want to try everything. At least anything that he thinks has some potential to appeal to him, mentally. He’s a busy man and hasn’t really taken the time to explore his own sexuality, and has virtually zero experience.

Edging, overstimulation, forced orgasms

Experimentation also means testing limits and thresholds. He’ll bring you up to the edge, learn to watch for the slightest of signs that you’re close, listen to your breath, watch your face, wait until you’re just so close and then draw back, stopping just short of letting you catch that high. Then he’ll let you drift back down, and bring you back up again. No amount of begging will make him show you any mercy, you’ll only cum when he’s decided he’s observed enough. He wants to push the limit, see just how close to the edge of orgasm you can get without spilling over, just how much it takes to drive you insane. He’ll also want to see how far you can go after it as well. Orgasm won’t be the end of his ministrations, no, he wants to see how much stimulation you can take. You won’t be able to get away from his tongue, he’ll grab you by the hips and slam you back down, continuing to lap at you even if you’re so sensitive it’s painful. Watching you cum will just make him rut into you harder, bruising and abusing your insides to a point that they’re so sore you can feel it long after it’s over. At first, he might feel a little guilty, and may very well after it’s over, but in the heat of the moment, he can’t fight the insatiable urge to listen to you squeal, feel you convulse, watch the tears from overwhelming pleasure run down your face.

He’ll make it his personal mission to see how many orgasms the female body is capable of within a given amount of time - per day, per hour, how quickly you can have them in succession. For scientific purposes, of course. Anatomy and human biology isn’t really his main field of focus, but he likes to expand his research horizons.

“Just one more… cum one more time for me, then we’ll be done. Come on… I know you can, just one more.”

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He’s actually good with children, usually. He has a calming effect on kids. He isn’t sure how he feels, though. To some degree, he fears his capabilities to parent, thinks he would be too cold to be a good father. But he also likes the idea of a protege, an heir to his title, one he can teach everything he knows. If he does end up having one, this fucking nerd man will read every book on pregnancy, birthing, and parenting that he can get his hands on.

Also, he’ll absolutely be one to track your cycles, even better than you can. He’s researched enough to know exactly when you’re most or least likely to get pregnant, and you can’t help but notice how much more he seems to cum in you when you’re at your most fertile. Nor can he deny how satisfying it is to watch his cum slowly drip out of you, watching you twitch with aftershock and slowly drift off in exhaustion.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Unfortunately for you, since overstimulation and edging are already normal and everyday for you, he’ll have to amp it up a bit if he’s trying to make you regret something. He might get rougher, abusing more pleasure spots on your body, keeping his hands, mouth, and cock occupied all at once with driving you over the edge until it’s painful. But if you’re exceptionally misbehaved, you might not ever get a release to his edging, instead left to suffer from being so close, tied up so you can’t finish yourself off.

In moments when he’s really, truly angry, the peak of it, and that blends with arousal, he’ll really, really throatfuck you. Grabbing the back of your head and shoving his cock down as deep as he can, holding you there as you gag and choke, feeling your throat convulse around him, desperately trying to pull back for air. The movements are harsh and brutal, pulling harshly on your hair, moving at a pace so fast you barely have a second to breathe. Thankfully, when it gets like that, he won’t last long, emptying out into your throat, holding your jaw shut and demanding you swallow. If any spills off on your chin, he’ll gather it up on his fingers, hold it to your face, and command you to open your mouth, suck it off, and swallow again. That’s at the peak of his anger, though, and you’ll have to substantially piss him off to reach that point. He’ll apologize later, holding you close, but his guilt doesn’t change the fact that it’s one of the most intense orgasms that he’ll have, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t sometimes think of doing it again, even without provocation. He’s restrained enough not to, but the thought is there… and deep down, he’ll entertain the idea.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

The curves of your body, no matter how defined or faint they are, no matter the general shape of your body, to him it’s the most beautiful thing. He’ll definitely want to draw you, even if you’re not too keen on posing. He’ll run his hands up and down your body, squeezing every little bit of flesh he can, moving his palms over every little curve, every inch of your skin.

[royalty-subway]

Okay but the subway twins with an s/o who visits them near the end of their shift (which then apparently got extended for an hour or so because of an urgent business), so s/o just decides to wait for them until they finish so that they can go home together

Later on the bosses coming back to their s/o after they finished the urgent matter only to find them asleep on one of the empty benches ;w;)

(anyways your writing is such a blessing I enjoyed binge reading it sm, thank you for feeding the submas fandom)

aaaaaaaaa thank you chief, I’m honestly really glad to hear that, it made my day- ;w;

Emmet

He very much dislikes those moments where he has to stay at work more later than usual, especially when it’s nighttime. Mainly because he’s tired, and he probably doesn’t get to spend time with you. But it is what it is.

He’d honestly try anything to let you know in advance that he’d stayed at work for urgent reasons. Just to let you know. But I guess sometimes that message never gets through, or he forgot.

But after he finally finished his shift, he found out that you had fallen asleep on an empty bench. He… definitely didn’t expect you to still be at the station in the first place, just waiting for his shift to be done. I mean, he gets that this subway station is open 24/7. But you still didn’t have to do that man-

… It just goes to show how much you do genuinely care about him if you’re actually willing to stay that long in the subway, even at night when things get very spooky. I mean, not that he’d complain, he’d probably do the same thing if you guys switched positions. While probably being stubborn about it as well, “my s/o is still at work, and I am waiting here for them, I do NOT care if it’s closing time-”

… And still. He doesn’t blame you for falling asleep. I mean, he nearly did a few times as it is, and it’s pretty late. So maybe he can like, just sit beside you and give you his jacket as some form of blanket. And his hat too. I don’t know why, but he’ll also probably give his hat as well.

And he may have accidentally fallen asleep as well… or maybe he did that on purpose. Who knows? He was very tired and he just couldn’t be bothered to wake you up and walk home with you. And you seem comfortable where you are already, and he’s very happy to be with you so… it wouldn’t hurt to just sleep on the bench next to you. He has to work here tomorrow anyway, so it’s a win-win for everyone-

Ingo

Hm. Normally, he’d let you know in advance that he had to stay in his shift longer, so you can just go home (or do something else in the meantime) and wait for him. This can be done by communicating face to face or by text.

… So maybe you just didn’t get the message, or you just didn’t care and stayed for a long time. Because right after he finished his shift, he found you, already asleep on an empty bench… He doesn’t know why you stayed, you could’ve simply gone back home or something, but you do usually wait for his shift to be over so…

… He was rather a bit tired after working, like, his brain is shutting down a bit and his body is a bit exhausted, so he’ll probably just take a breather, sit down next to you and relax a bit (not like, falling asleep as well, just sitting there and thinking-)

After a while, he might just… be in his own world. Like, he just thinks about how he got to this point; he once started as a regular depot agent, you know? Just working every day, and now he’s a Subway Boss along with his brother, and have about…. Well, a few people that he can consider a “friend”. And then the sword man-

And of course, then there’s you, who’s either his friend or partner. Who he just so happens to meet one day, and you guys became pretty close. He doesn’t regret meeting you, not at all, since he does genuinely like you a lot. So yeah, he’s glad to have you in his life.

… Anywho, some time has passed, and he’s out of his own thinking zone. He still doesn’t know what to do. I mean, he doesn’t wish to wake you up, but you two have to leave at some point. So… maybe he’ll just end up carrying you home. You may have awakened a bit from that action, but hey, it’s not like he’s going to drop you on the floor. That’s Emmet’s job- (so like, you can full-heartedly trust him on bringing you home safely-)

[wheezyandchesterwrite]

Daydreams and Tickles ~ Ruby Martinez

Summary: You get distracted while Ruby rambles. 

Word count: 3.3k

Pairing: Ruby Martinez x Fem!Latina!Reader

Warnings: Tickling, Kissing, Suggestive dialogue (Innuendos, dirty jokes, etc) If we missed something let us know!

A/N: Hiya, it’s been a while, we are going to try to post at least a monthly one shot, but won’t make any promises. Hope you all that read this enjoy this!

You were awoken by the sound of notifications going off loudly. You stirred around on your bed, trying to ignore the cacophony of dings your phone kept emitting. Groggily, you made a mental note to silence your phone from now on. When you could finally look at the screen without it blinding you, you scrolled through the seemingly endless string of texts Ruby had sent to the group chat, “The Gnomies”. Yes, Jamal came up with it. Yes, everyone tried to change it, but he just kept changing it back so they gave up. You groaned as you read the messages. ‘Be here at one on the dot,’ the last message read, ‘mandatory meeting’. That was less than half an hour from now. Lazily getting out of bed, you started getting ready. After brushing your teeth and making your hair look somewhat presentable, you threw together an outfit that resembled a picture you had seen on Pinterest after looking up ‘grunge aesthetic’. You liked trying out different styles constantly, feeling like every single one of them suited you, but none of them could get you to commit to them for more than a month. Satisfied with the way you looked, you left your room, grabbed your keys and skateboard, and started to skate your way to Ruby’s house. Midway, though, you decided to take a detour and get some food—junk food, to be precise—knowing that you would not be able to handle a hyperactive Ruben on an empty stomach.

You left the joint with two bags full of food, hoping bribery would get you out of being lectured by Ruby about punctuality. You balanced the bags on both hands like a scale as you focused on not falling from your board on the way there. Making the last turn to Ruby’s house, you miscalculated the speed you were going at and had to hop off the board, letting it crash against the curb. Though you fell on your ass, you made sure to hold the food up keeping it safe and sound. Holding both bags in one hand, you retrieved your skateboard and walked up to the door, but it flung open before you could even think about knocking. Ruby stood on the other side with a scowl. You smiled sheepishly, extending one of the bags to him. 

“You’re very late! Did you get me fries with that? Also where are the others?!" Ruby said all in one breath.

"First of all, I know I'm late, but I'm sorry to inform you that you are not more important than food.” Ruby scowled and was about to protest, but you kept speaking before he could utter a word. “Secondly, yes, I did get you fries, you impatient goblin. I mean, what do you take me for? A monster?” You pretended to be offended, but Ruby simply looked annoyed by the dramatic display. “Just know that when I win my first Oscar I will not be thanking you, Ruben.”

“Yeah, yeah if you say so—also don’t call me that. Can you get to the most important question now?”

“Damn, someone hasn’t had their daily handy.” You laughed in astonishment, amused by how much irritation Ruby had in him.

“Seriously, Y/N, this is serious!” His voice raised an octave, causing it to crack, and you had to bite back a laugh.

“A la jaula, bestia, a la jaula,” you began, laughter causing your words to come out like wheezes. Ruby spared you one death stare, and you somehow found your composure. “Look, I have no idea where everyone else is. I, honestly, thought everyone was already here and that you were waiting on me.”

“So, you thought they were here and didn’t think to bring them food?” Ruby questioned.

“Do I look like I have enough money to feed todos esos trogloditas? I brought you food with hopes of getting out of the ‘Punctuality Lecture’, but seeing as they aren’t here, guess that spares me.” You dropped the skate on the entryway, pushing past Ruby to sit on the couch.

“And here I was beginning to think you favored me from the rest.” Ruby sighed with disappointment before raising his voice dramatically. “When in reality, it was just BRIBERY!” he exclaimed, his voice cracking once more as he fake sobbed while clutching the food. You clapped as you opened your food, ready to dig in.

“Damn, man, I better watch out, otherwise you’re probably going to win that Oscar before me,” you said as you began stuffing your face.

“Are you calling me dramatic?” He placed his free hand over his heart.

“Oh, without a shadow of a doubt, now sit down and eat.” With your fork, you pointed at him then towards the couch. Instead of sitting, he started pacing around the coffee table, and you watched him as you munched on your sandwich and fries. He stopped for a second to place his bag of food down, yet he didn’t sit down to eat it. He kept going around the small table at a pace too quick for your eyes to keep up without feeling dizzy. “Wow, man, slow down. Me mareas con tus vueltitas.” He only huffed. “Ruben, seriously, I did not buy that for you to let it go to waste. At least breathe and stress eat.” He whipped around at the mention of his full name.

“I thought I told you not to call me that,” he reminded you exasperatedly. “Anyway, I can’t eat right now. I have many thoughts whirring in my brain, and it’s making me sick. Do you know why I called you guys here? Well, if you’re here, you must have read the messages—” Ruby was rambling on and didn’t even stop in between sentences to take a breath so you cut him off. 

“RUBEN!” He ceased all movement so abruptly that a skid mark could’ve possibly been seen in the spot where he stopped. “Could you get to the point,, please? You’re making my head hurt.” You completely ignored his previous statement and pressed the tips of your fingers to your temples. Rolling his eyes at you he sat on the other end of the couch and took his food out. After a few angry munches, he turned to face you, the grease of the food that was plastered on his mouth drawing your attention to his lips. 

“Alright, since the others aren’t here yet, I’ll just start telling you my new ideas for income.” He stopped eating and started chattering and chattering and chattering… 

You don’t know when it happened, but at some point, he stood up and began pacing around the living room again. You stopped listening about half an hour into his ramble, zoning out and staring blankly at him. Your mind got the best of you, and you started to remember why you liked Ruby. What brought this on? You didn’t know. Maybe it was how much passion he put into his pointless arguments, or maybe even that you found it totally adorable that he was practically unable to lie because he would start sweating like a pig on a stick. Maybe it was the way he smiled at you, the tendency he had to correct everything you said matter-of-factly, or maybe it was his dangerously absurd perfectionism. It could be one of his many qualities, good or bad, you didn’t care. Your eyes trailed to his lips once more. They were so full and pink it was hard not to stare—slightly chapped too, but that wasn’t a problem to you. You imagined running your thumb over them, pulling them close to yours and then just crashing them together. Your breath hitched in your throat at the thought of you and Ruby making out. It wasn’t an uncommon thought of yours, seeing as you’ve been dreaming about it happening almost every night since you discovered what hormones could do. 

There was always Cesar, you thought. He was the “face” of the group after all, but that got to his brain sometimes. Nothing more dangerous than a cholo who’s aware of his good looks. You grimaced slightly. Cesar’s ego was one of the many reasons why you never developed an emotional nor carnal liking to the boy. You’d rather leave him to Monse, plus you wouldn’t dream of getting caught in the middle of their toxic and manipulative games. But that’s beside the point. You were abruptly brought back to reality by Ruby waving his hands in front of your face, occasionally snapping his fingers. Shaking your head to shake out the thoughts, you noticed Ruby was now standing on top of the coffee table, being careful not to step on either of your foods.

“PAY ATTENTION TO ME, (Y/N)!” Ruby whined. You held back a chuckle at how funny he looked. His small body barely added to the coffee table’s weight. Deciding to play it cool, you shrugged nonchalantly.

“What’s your fuzz? I am listening to you. Have been for the past hour and a half.” 

Ruby squinted his eyes at you. “No, you weren’t. I know that face. You were very deep in your thoughts. What’s going on in that pretty, little head of yours?” You freaked internally. 

He’s onto us, you told yourself. “Yes, I am onto you, (Y/N), that’s why I asked. Keep up.” He looked at you like you were stupid. Wait how did he—Can he read my mind?  Blink twice if you can read my mind. Ruby blinked twice, and you felt like a rock dropped in your stomach.

“Oh shit,” you whispered under your breath.

“Before you throw up on my couch, I’ll have you know I can’t read your mind. You were just speaking out loud.” You threw yourself backwards unto the couch, grabbing a pillow to cover your face. After making a mental note to slam your head against the nearest wall later, you decided you were not going to make a further fool of yourself. 

“I wasn’t not paying attention; I was just—”

“I am the king of bad excuses, babe, so spare me your lies.” You blushed at the nickname and prayed he wouldn’t notice. “Now since there is obviously something more important on your mind, speak,” he demanded. 

You weighed your options. You could either try to lie and hope he’d let you off the hook, which was not likely, or you could tell him the truth and risk your friendship being awkward from now on if he didn’t feel the same way—and with your luck he most likely didn’t. A few more silent seconds passed before Ruby spoke once more, “Don’t make me take drastic measures on you, (Y/N). I will have no mercy.” He eyed you with determination. You scoffed in disbelief.

“What could you possibly do to torture me, Ruben?” You mocked him, stretching out his name. Ruby smirked.

“Oh, you’ve done it now.” He jumped from the coffee table, landing on top of you and successfully pinning you to the sofa. You giggled and tried to get away from his grip, but it was surprisingly strong. Ruby chuckled at your failed attempts to break free. “Now, you’re going to tell me what I want to know, or else,” he brought his lips close to your ears, “you’ll pay for it with your melodious laughter.” Your eyes widened in realization as his words sank in.

“No, not the tickles,” you begged him playfully. He nodded while mischievously smirking. 

“One last chance, are you gonna talk?” You shook your head.

“In your dreams,” you defied. 

“I was hoping you’d say that.” In seconds, his hands went to your sides and laughter erupted from your throat in loud cackles.

“Stop, Ruby—Stop!” you tried to articulate between laughs. He shook his head no.

“Not until I get what I want.” He said between laughs as well, since in retaliation, you had managed to start tickling him as well. The sound of his own laughter mixed with yours was like music to your ears.

“N—Never!” You still mutinied. His fingers only increased their pace and not in ways you’d like. Your stomach was starting to hurt and you were running out of breath, leaving you with just one option. Well, it was now or never. 

“I WAS THINKING ABOUT KISSING YOU,” you blurted; his movements ceased, “I have been since we were in middle school.” You closed your eyes, concentrating on catching your breath. Ruby released you and got off of you, running his hands through his hair in deep thought. You sat up and covered your face with your hands. “This is going to be so awkward now,” you muttered through your hands but it came out like an incoherent jumble of sounds. You moved your hands to sneak a peek at Ruby. Your muffled words didn’t even faze him.

“Ruby?” You looked over at him. His eyes met yours, and he struggled to bite back a laugh. Great, you thought, he thinks I’m a joke now. 

“About time.” He grumbled and sighed.

“What?” You were very confused. What could he possibly mean by that?

 “I said ‘about damn time,’ (Y/N).” His suppressed laughs turned to a shy grin. Still confused as ever, you tried your best to gather your thoughts and form a coherent sentence.

“Wait, YOU KNEW?” You felt sick to your stomach now. All this time, you thought you had been successful at keeping your feelings hidden and sealed away, but now it turns out even he knew.

“Well, yeah, I’ve known for a couple of months now.” He shrugged it off as if it were obvious. 

“Months?!” This was unbelievable. You abruptly stood up and faced him, hands on your hips. “So, you’ve known for months and you didn’t think for one second to tell me? At least, have the decency to confront me, damn it.” You found yourself feeling dumbfounded, feeling toyed with. Ruby reached out to you, holding on to your forearm and pulling you back to sit on the couch. You let him.

“Cesar and Jamal implied it once during one of our guy’s nights, and ever since then, I kind of started paying more attention. Ergo, leading me to the conclusion that you liked me,” he explained. “If it makes you feel any better, the clues to your feelings were very subtle so, I would have probably never noticed if it hadn’t been brought up.” Ruby was trying his best to cheer you up, but you still felt extremely embarrassed by the fact that your secret crush wasn’t so secret. 

“Why would they even bring that up, in the first place?” you questioned, annoyed.

“Well, I may or may not have made a comment about how I thought I was starting to develop feelings for you and the guys just jumped on that and told me that you liked me too,” Ruby admitted shyly, rubbing his neck awkwardly. 

“So, if you like me back, then why didn’t you say anything or make a move when you figured out I actually felt the same way?” You felt bad for interrogating him like that, but you were in dire need of answers.

“I just didn’t know how to bring it up, and even if I did, I wouldn’t have known how to say I liked you back without, probably, choking on my own saliva.” He chuckled lowly, afraid that if he laughed too loud, he’d set you off again. “You know I’ve never been good with the ladies, (Y/N).” You grimaced at the memory of all of Ruby’s failed love attempts. 

“Well, you already knew I liked you—it was a matter of saying three words, eight letters,, and I would’ve been yours months ago.” You pushed his shoulder playfully, the anxiety and embarrassment you had felt washing of and making room for the still-settling realization of having confessed your feelings. Ruby leaned back into you, your legs brushing, causing you to take notice of your proximity. Your hands fell upon each other’s, and you looked up to meet his eyes. You started leaning in, maintaining eye contact as you got closer.

“Ruby,” you started, but he shook his head. 

“Don’t think, act,” he said as he grabbed the back of your neck, crashing your lips together. All your late night fantasies crashed at once, the real thing surpassing each and every one of them. Kissing Ruby felt like a kaleidoscope of butterflies got loose in your stomach—it felt like your heart alone was running a marathon. Kissing Ruby was soft and messy, your lack of experience shining through-. Ruby kept pressing himself to you, making sure there was absolutely no space between you. You had to resort to lying down, pulling Ruby on top of you, not once breaking the kiss. Due to the new position, one of his hands made its way to rest on your waist and the other cupped your cheek. Your hands around his neck were pulling him impossibly closer, and in that moment, your body felt like it was exploding with fireworks, warm all over. You didn’t break away until you needed to  breathe, a goofy smile plastering itself on your face. Ruby held the same expression as you as he looked down at you. As you started leaning in for another kiss, the door burst open. You pushed Ruby off of you, causing Ruby to fall on the ground with a thud. 

“Uh, what’s going on here?” Jamal asked.

“Told you guys it would work.” Cesar had the biggest, cockiest smirk on his face. You and Ruby shared a confused look and stared back at the very late rest of the crew.

“Yep, just like you said. A couple of hours alone, and they were all over each other.” Monse said, trying her best to refrain from laughing.

“I think our little man, Ruby, just popped his cherry.” Cesar wiggled his eyebrows. Monse’s eyes widened and she broke down laughing. 

Irritated enough, you finally spoke up, “Slow your roll, Little Spooky, we’re not like you and Monse.” You shot at him defensively, and Monse choked on her laughter. “No offense,” you added, not wanting to stir up any drama.

“None taken,” Cesar assured. Ruby got off the ground and reclaimed his seat beside you.

Leaning over, he whispered, “Why can’t we be like them?”

“Keep it in your damn pants, Ruben.” You nudged his side and he raised his hands in surrender.  

In retaliation, though, Cesar sat between you and Ruby. You shared a look of annoyance before Cesar asked, “Are you going to finish that?” referring to the forgotten leftover cluttering the small table. 

“Go crazy.”

“Suit yourself,” you and Ruby at the same time.

As Cesar dug in Jamal spoke up, “Can we just skip to the part where Ruby yells at us for being late and starts talking non-stop?” 

“No, man, not today.” Everyone looked bewildered. “Cesar why don’t you take that home? Yes, okay, bye,” Ruby dismissed him.

“Wait, woah, the hell man?” Cesar questioned as Ruby used all his might to get him off the couch. 

“You can all come back tomorrow, on time, and we’ll talk about my idea.” He said shooing them all away. 

“Are you freaking serious?” Monse got angry quickly.

“Hey, not my fault you decided to play cupid and be late on purpose.” Cesar, Jamal, and Monse shared looks of pride at Ruby’s statement. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some wasted time to make up for with my new girlfriend so, bye!” 

“Whatever you say, man,” Cesar said as he opened the door with one hand, the leftovers in the other. When Jamal and Monse were outside he said, “Just remember sin gorrito no hay fiesta.” He immediately shut the door after himself, but that didn’t stop Ruby and you from yelling after him.

“Fuck off, Cesar!” You both yelled with smiles on your faces as you looked at each other. With everyone else gone, Ruby cupped your cheek once more and tenderly kissed you until you had to head back home. That night you slept peacefully, no longer having to dream and wonder about how kissing Ruby would feel like.

Taglist: @steveisherdaddy  @apotatoinabigfield @xlostinobsessionsx @izjustafaze @yourlocalwhitemanwhore​