#extended avengers cameo because i said so

[mrs-dr-reid]

Scary Dog Privilege

(A Wolverine Fic)

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Mutant!Fem!Reader

Summary: The reader practically begs Logan to be her fake boyfriend at a gala, but ends up getting more than she bargained for

Genre: Fluffy throughout, a teensy bit angsty near the end, and a dash of "oh my god, just KISS ALREADY!!!" sprinkled in pretty much everywhere

Warnings: Swearing, suggestive language, fake boyfriend trope, friends to lovers, oblivious idiots in love, more than platonic touches, tw food/alcohol, crying, protective!Logan, the image of Logan in a tux (yes, that's a warning), Tony Stark being... himself, a Hugh Jackman-sized Wolverine and an average/small reader (size difference, yaaaaay)

A/N: Big thanks to @snixkers for being my designated Wolvie Beta Reader, as well as a handful of buddies in my writers discord for helping me turn the head words into page words (you know who you are).

Word Count: 4419

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This is going to be a disaster, Y/N thought as she stared hopelessly at the event notification on her phone: Superhero Gala tonight!!!

It was her least favorite day of the year, even though on paper it was a good thing. All of the Avengers and all the X-Men getting together and hosting a gala fundraiser to raise money for a different cause every year, as well as “celebrate the spirit of collaboration among heroes” or whatever preachy bullshit Charles is always on about.

She just knew that she’d inevitably be stuck getting hit on by drunken aristocratic strangers in a dress she didn’t want to be wearing, just like every other year. She’d much rather be honing her abilities or reading a book, but attendance was mandatory for every adult living at the mansion, much to her chagrin.

Y/N paced the length of her bedroom, worrying about her certain doom, when she got an idea. It wasn’t a very good idea, but it was better than no idea at all. She stuffed her phone in her back pocket, then ventured down to the kitchen where she was hoping she’d find who she was looking for, and she was right.

Logan was sitting at the island munching on a piece of toast and nursing a flask of what she assumed was whiskey, but she didn’t have time to dwell on it. She said, “Howlett, I need to talk to you in private.”

Logan looked up from his breakfast and said, “Good morning to you too, L/N,” mostly unbothered by her request.

Y/N rolled her eyes and said, “NOW, please.”

He raised a hand in surrender and said, “Alright, Bossy Pants,” before following her into the other room away from the prying ears of Jean, Scott, and Ororo.

Once they were out of earshot, Y/N said, “Okay, I’m gonna ask you to do something kinda weird, but I promise if you do it, I’ll never ask you for anything else ever again.”

Logan raised a questioning eyebrow at her. “Okay?”

She took a deep breath. “I need you to be my scary dog privilege tonight at the gala.”

The request hung in the air between them as Logan tried to process what the hell she just said to him. “You need me to be your what?”

Y/N sighed exasperatedly, then elaborated. “I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend so the sleazy rich assholes leave me alone!” before steepling her hands and giving him her best puppy dog pout.

Logan wasn’t swayed, and he crossed his arms. “Why me? Couldn’t you ask McCoy?” Y/N glared at him, annoyed that he was being so difficult.

“Yes, I could ask Hank, but Hank is a teddy bear! You’re tall, you’re intimidating, it’s somewhat believable that we’d be together, and you have claws. And if you don’t do this, I promise you that if even one slimeball approaches me, I will use the ‘what not to do’ section of the Geneva Convention as a to-do list! So will you be my fake boyfriend or not?!”

Both of Logan’s eyebrows went up at this, and he said, “As entertainin’ as that would be, Chuck would probably ground you for committin’ war crimes against a civilian,” before starting to walk back to the kitchen.

In a panic, Y/N blabbed, “I’ll smuggle in cigars and booze for you for a month!” which stopped him in his tracks. Gotcha, Wolvie.

He turned back around, let out a groan in the back of his throat at the hopeful smile on Y/N’s face, then said, “Fine. But just this once,” before sticking out a hand to shake. She grinned, then shook his hand, trying her best to not think about how his hand completely engulfed hers or how warm and rough it was.

That evening, Logan was waiting at the bottom of the stairs alongside Scott for Jean and Y/N to come down, both men in sharp black tuxedos.

Scott said, “So, you’re L/N’s date tonight, huh?” with a shit-eating grin on his face, so Logan rolled his eyes, tugging at the collar of her dress clothes slightly. “She made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. Literally. If I refused, she was gonna kill the first stranger who told her she was pretty.”

Scott chuckled. “Yeah, sounds about right.” Then he fell silent, so Logan followed his gaze and tried to ignore the weird tug in the pit of his stomach when he saw Y/N trailing behind Jean. She looked like a completely different person than the woman he bantered with every day.

Her hair fell in a halo of perfect waves around her shoulders, her makeup was done to perfection, diamond studs decorated her ears, and her dress… oh, that dress.

While its rhinestone-encrusted fabric covered every inch of her body except her collarbone and her hands, it hugged every curve like it was made especially for her (and it probably was). The slight padding of the shoulders and the emerald green hue made her look almost ethereal, and the matching shoes he could see peeking out from under the hem with every step she took added to the effect, though he wasn’t sure why.

Y/N stopped in front of him. “Well, you clean up nice, Howlett,” and adjusted his tie (which just so happened to match her dress). That snapped him out of his reverie before he cleared his throat. “You too, L/N. Shall we?”

He offered her his arm, and she took it. “Let’s get this over with,” before letting him lead her into the ballroom.

After he had initially agreed to this admittedly crazy scheme, Logan and Y/N had gone over different forms of PDA that they were each comfortable with. Y/N had told Logan that he could do whatever he needed to do to sell it, whereas he was more hesitant to give her carte blanche, only allowing lingering arm and shoulder touches or a kiss on the cheek if the situation desperately called for it.

Logan instantly clocked the bar the second they stepped foot inside, and before he could say anything, Y/N quipped, “I need to be drunk half an hour ago, let’s move,” and started pulling him towards the bar, causing him to let out a snort as he allowed her to drag him along.

He ordered a whiskey on the rocks while she stuck with a vodka soda, and after they were given their drinks, Logan said, “Say what you want about Stark. At least he has the decency to spring for an open bar, and it’s the good shit,” while swirling the liquid in his glass.

Y/N snickered and said, “I’ll drink to that.” She held her glass up for cheers, and Logan clinked his glass against hers, then downed about half of his whiskey in one swig.

Y/N had to blink to rid the image of his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed from her mind, then she downed her drink as well. “Well, we better go find Charles and the others.”

He nodded in agreement, then put a hand at the small of her back as they ventured into the center of the room. Y/N spotted Charles amongst a circle of Avengers and X-Men including Captain America, Black Widow, and Iron Man as well as Hank, Scott, Jean, and Rogue. The two of them approached the circle, and Y/N said, “Partying hard or hardly partying?”

Charles looked away from the tall, blond man Y/N recognized from last year as Steve Rogers at the sound of her voice, then said, “Ah! There you two are! Logan, Y/N, I’m sure you remember Captain Rogers, Miss Romanoff, and Mr. Stark from last year’s benefit,” and gestured between them.

Y/N smiled and said, “Of course. It’s great to see you again,” while shaking each of their hands, earning a “Likewise” from Steve, a nod from Natasha, and a smirk from Tony. He was surely about to say something lewd, but Logan stuck his hand out to shake just in time. “Mighty nice of ya to foot the bill on some decent booze, Stark,” his arm snaking protectively around Y/N’s waist.

If Charles and the other X-Men didn’t clock it, which was highly unlikely, they thankfully said nothing about it, but Tony recovered quickly enough that it wasn’t necessary anyway. He shook Logan’s hand and said, “Of course. Only the best for the best, amiright?” before shooting a wink in Y/N’s direction.

Logan bristled slightly, so Y/N took that as an opportunity to place a hand on his chest and say, “Lo, I believe I was promised a dance?” raising her eyebrows pointedly at him.

He said, “Right, yeah, absolutely, Doll Face. Nice seeing you again, but duty calls. Boyfriend duty, that is,” nodded at Steve and Natasha, then shot an almost gloating wink in Tony’s direction before giving Y/N his arm and whisking her off to the dance floor.

As they left, Y/N swore she heard Scott whisper incredulously, “‘Boyfriend’’?!” and Jean smack him in the chest, which made her stomach flip slightly at the thought that only Scott questioned the arrangement.

As they reached the dance floor, Y/N took note of the string quartet a few paces from the floor. “Open bar, and live entertainment? That Stark sure knows how to throw a party.”

Logan rolled his eyes and huffed, “If he took hints as good as he threw parties, then we’d be in business,” before he remembered that he wasn’t actually Y/N’s boyfriend, and there was no reason for him to be that pissed. So why was he?

Y/N said, “He’s the outlier in this situation. I’ve clocked at least eight different guys that have made to come talk to me, but immediately backtracked once they noticed you standing right next to me. I should bribe you to be my scary dog privilege more often!”

He just scoffed. “Yeah, yeah, don’t hold your breath,” but there was still a hint of a smile on his face as they joined the other couples waiting for the next song.

The musicians took up their instruments and began playing again, so Logan extended a hand to Y/N and said, “May I have this dance?” while raising a teasing eyebrow at her. She smiled, then took it and replied, “You may.”

He grinned before spinning her into his arms, a peal of laughter escaping her as she collided with his solid chest in a very ungraceful manner.

She giggled, “Logan!” He shrugged and said, “Gotta keep you on your toes somehow, don’t I?” neither of them acknowledging that she used his first name.

They kept dancing, Logan periodically making comments about the people around them just to hear her melodic laughter, and to any outsider, they looked just like any other couple; young (or seemingly young in Logan’s case) and in love, even though that wasn’t the case.

When the song ended, Y/N let out a breathless sigh and said, “I’m gonna go get a drink. Do you want anything?”

Logan held up a hand and said, “Nah, I’ve got all night to drink Stark outta house and home. Thank you, though.” Y/N nodded with a smile, then went to head for the bar, but Logan stopped her with a hand on her waist.

He said, “Hang on a sec, Doll,” then held her chin in place with his first two fingers and brushed some rogue strands of hair away from her face before murmuring, “There we go. Perfect.”

Y/N fought to keep a blush from staining her cheeks as she thanked him, then she scampered away to the bar after telling him she’d be back soon, hoping to god he didn’t notice the spike in her heart rate.

She reached the bar and ordered another vodka soda, somewhat breathlessly. As she waited, she ended up overanalyzing all that had transpired thus far, and she couldn’t make sense of any of it. Logan’s protectiveness around someone he knew wasn’t a threat? Going out of his way to play the Boyfriend Card in front of their teammates and collaborators? The pet names? The way he’s been looking at her since they stepped foot inside the ballroom?

As she was going through all of this, an unfamiliar man sidled up next to her at the bar and tried to strike up a conversation, much to Y/N’s dismay.

“Hey there, I’m Jeffrey. Did they give you a name to go with that pretty face?” and she just barely contained a gag/cringe combo before telling him her name. He smiled a bit too wide to be genuine, then said, “Can I order you a drink?” so she said, “I already ordered. And I promised my boyfriend I’d come find him as soon as I got it, so…,” and craned her neck to search for the bartender.

Jeffrey scoffed.“Some boyfriend he is, letting a lady like you wander off by herself.” That made Y/N inhale sharply. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and he’s well aware of that,” she said curtly, silently daring him to say one more stupid thing so she could knock him into next month.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak again, his voice faltered and his eyes trailed up to someone much taller than her. She didn’t have the chance to turn around before the familiar scent of pine, whiskey, and tobacco filled her nostrils and a pair of lips pressed a kiss to her jaw.

Logan husked out right next to her ear, “Hey, Baby. Thought you were gonna come find me once you got your drink. Dinner’s about to start.” One of his hands slid around to rest against her stomach protectively, so she placed a hand on his arm and said, “I was! It just got busy, I guess. We had the home-front advantage earlier,” trying to pretend like she wasn’t silently losing her mind over what he’d just done and praying to whatever deity existed that he couldn’t smell her body’s reaction to what had just occurred.

She turned her head to look at him, and he smiled at her before nodding his head in Jeffrey’s direction and saying, “Who’s this punk?”

She shot a quick glare at the man in question, then looked back up at Logan. “Just someone who is very lucky you showed up when you did,” she said with a smile before going up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

The bartender arrived with her drink not a moment too soon, and as she grabbed it, said, “It was nice to meet you, Jeffrey,” and then let Logan lead her back to their designated table, choosing to ignore how Logan looked over his shoulder and snarled at the man as they walked away.

Dinner thankfully went off without any hitches, but since Y/N and Logan were seated next to each other, the constant whiffs she got of Logan's unique (and intoxicating) musk whenever he so much as shifted in his chair were driving her insane. Not to mention the absentminded circles he was drawing on her leg under the table, which he didn’t need to do since nobody could see.

Just as she thought she’d be able to beeline it to somebody’s office or the bathroom or anywhere else to hide, Jean pulled her aside while asking to talk to her in private, making her think a string of expletives that she was well aware Jean could still hear as she allowed herself to be dragged to an unoccupied corner of the ballroom.

Once they were away from listening ears, Jean said, “Okay, what is going on between you and Logan? Yesterday you were threatening to shove him off the roof, and now you two are all over each other! And don’t even try to lie,” while raising a questioning eyebrow. Y/N let out a petulant whine, but Jean shot her a look that Y/N liked to call “The Mom Glare”, so she let out a loud sigh and explained everything, her voice growing more hysterical with every word:

“Okay, I bribed Logan into being my fake boyfriend for the night to keep the creeps away, and I told him to do whatever he needed to do so people would believe it, but I realized that I like what he’s been doing way too much for us to be just friends, and I’m losing my goddamn mind, Jean!”

Jean put her hands on Y/N’s arms to ground her and said, “Whoa, calm down. What exactly has he done that’s got you so worked up?” Y/N let out a mildly panicked laugh, then said, “For starters, if he was within arms reach of me, his hands were on me. He was being super protective of me in front of Tony even though we all know he could snap the Tin Man like a toothpick if he wanted to. He kissed me on the jaw earlier when some sleazeball was hitting on me by the bar, then snarled at him as we walked away. And to top it off, he was drawing circles on my leg under the table at dinner, and I’m not convinced he realized he was doing it, because I did nothing to stop him. Ugh, this is so complicated!”

Jean made a confused face at this. “Why does it have to be complicated? You two clearly have feelings for each other that are more than platonic. And if I may, he agreed to this crazy scheme of yours, didn’t he? At least some part of him feels the same way about you.” This earned another whine from Y/N.

She started rambling, “I don’t want this to change our relationship! I mean, yeah, I’ve had a crush on him for years because I’m not blind, but we’re just friends! And we’ve always been just friends! We bust each other's chops, we affectionately threaten each other with violence, we smuggle contraband into the school for each other even though Charles absolutely knows we’re doing it, so there’s literally no reason for us to be so secretive about it. I can’t just throw that away because I’m in love with him!”

Unfortunately, she didn’t notice Jean’s face pale or her attempts to get her to stop talking until a familiar deep voice said, “You’re in love with me?”

Y/N’s blood ran cold, and she turned around to see Logan standing there with a confused expression on his face. Her stomach clenched, and she said meekly, “How much of that did you hear?” hoping he wouldn’t say what she thought he was going to say, and bracing herself for the worst.

“Everything after ‘complicated’.” Fuck.

A whimper escaped her throat, and she heard Jean scamper off behind her. She sighed and whispered, “Shit,” squeezing her eyes shut in embarrassment. Logan made to move towards her, but Y/N recoiled from him and said, “Don’t!”, before side-stepping him and sprinting out of the ballroom as fast as her wildly impractical attire would allow her, ignoring the concerned calls of her name from her fellow X-Men.

Y/N knew Logan would catch up to her eventually, but for the moment, the only thing on her mind was getting as far away from the ballroom and him as possible. She ended up in the hedge maze, and she fell onto a stone bench to catch her breath, but all too soon she heard Logan yelling her name.

She ignored him, then proceeded to bury her face in her hands and cry due to the sheer irony of the situation: She was hiding in a stupid hedge maze from the only man she’s ever wanted because she can’t bring herself to face him.

Logan rounded the corner a few moments later, and the second he saw her on the bench and heard her sniffling, he knelt before her. “Hey, don’t cry, Sweetheart.” He gently pulled her hands away from her face.

Y/N just shook her head and whispered, “I can’t do this, Logan,” through her tears, making Logan’s eyebrows furrow before he said, “Can’t do what, Darlin’?” and went to wipe her cheek with his thumb, but it was too much for her to take.

Y/N flinched away from his touch and sobbed out, “This! The pet names, the tender touches, you looking at me like that! I can’t go back to just friends after everything that’s happened tonight, I can’t! If you’re gonna let me down, please just let me down gently because it’s the only way I can bear losing you!”

A fresh flood of tears blurred her vision enough that she couldn’t see his face, and she tried to get up to run back to her room or anywhere else where she could lock the door and try to pretend like this whole night was just a bad dream, but Logan’s hands shot out to hold her in place. “Y/N, who said anything about letting anybody down or losing me?”

Y/N startled at the sound of her first name coming out of his mouth, and she blinked back her tears to find him looking at her so tenderly she thought she was going to melt into the grass below her. Logan cupped her face in his hand and said,

“From the day that I met you, I knew I needed to find a way to keep you in my life. For a while, that was by being your friend. But only being your friend isn’t enough for me anymore. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone in my entire life.” His thumb stroked her cheek comfortingly as he spoke.

Y/N giggled through her tears, and she said, “That’s a long ass time, Wolvie.”

He chuckled back and said, “My point exactly, Doll,” squeezing her knee for emphasis. Y/N looked down at the ground and said, “You’re gonna get grass stains on your pants.”

Logan raised an eyebrow challengingly before bracing his hands on the bench on either side of her and purposely grinding his knees into the grass, pulling a shocked laugh from her. “Logan Howlett!”

He chuckled at her admonishing tone, then leaned in to press his forehead against hers and murmured, “It stopped being pretend for me the moment you came downstairs in this dress,” as he ran a hand down her leg to fiddle with the hem of her dress.

Y/N’s breath caught in her throat, and she whispered, “You had me at ‘hey, baby’.” For a moment they just stared at each other, but Logan’s resolve broke when she breathed his name, and he surged forward to capture her lips in a desperate kiss that said everything words couldn’t then.

His tongue ran along the seam of her lips, and she let him in without hesitation as she gripped the back of his jacket and he held her against his chest like she’d disappear if he let go. Y/N could have stayed in his embrace forever, and Logan could have kept her like that indefinitely.

Unfortunately, humans need oxygen to live, so Y/n pulled her lips away to at least attempt to catch her breath, but Logan had other plans.

He trailed his kisses down her jaw to her neck, and his hand started roaming around her back to find the zipper of her dress, but Y/N put a hand to his chest to stop him and said, “You better take me on a real date before you try something like that, Howlett.” He buried his face in her shoulder and groaned disappointedly.

Y/N giggled, then said, “As far as I know, the gala doesn’t end for another few hours,” to which Logan leaned back so he was sitting on his heels.

“I think I like where your head's at, Princess,” a smirk crossing his face before he jumped to his feet, scooped her up bridal style, and started jogging back to the mansion, his heart swelling at her squeal of laughter and how her arms tightened around his neck.

Logan set Y/N down outside of the ballroom, then held out his hand and said, “Ready, Darlin’?”

She smiled and said, “Always, Big Guy,” before lacing her fingers with his and walking into the room, where seemingly every Avenger and X-Man was standing and waiting with bated breath.

Y/N bit her lip and looked up at Logan, who let out a resigned sigh and said, “Ahhhh, fuck it,” before sweeping her into a dip and kissing the life out of her, an eruption of shocked laughter, wolf whistles, and applause coming from the gathering of heroes, making Y/N smile against his lips and cup his face in her hand.

When he pulled his lips away, Logan murmured, “I’m in love with you, too. Didn’t get to say it earlier,” making Y/N snark, “Oh, really? I never would have guessed,” before giggling and reconnecting their lips, Logan chuckling as he held her even closer.

Scott hollered teasingly, “Hey, lovebirds! Mind wrapping it up?! We’ve got places to be!”

Both Logan and Y/N simultaneously flipped him off while they stayed engrossed in each other.

“Yeah, fair enough,” Scott said, making Jean laugh at him. Logan eventually stood Y/N up again, then said, “Hey, Stark, is there any good shit left? I don’t know about you, but I finally got the girl, and I feel like celebrating.” As he spoke, he shot a wink at Y/N solely to make her blush.

Tony said, “Absolutely!” A waiter came over with two glasses of champagne, and even Y/N could tell that it was high-quality stuff just from the smell.

Logan held his glass towards her, then said, “To you and me, Darlin’.” Y/N clinked her glass against his in cheers and said, “You and me, Bubba,” everyone cheering as Logan kissed her temple.

As an avid romance novel reader, she probably should have seen this coming, but she couldn’t really bring herself to care about anything else besides the comforting feeling of Logan’s arm around her waist and the knowledge that he was all hers for as long as she wanted him, which was forever.

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MCU Taglist: @libraryofloveletters

Let me know in the comments if you want to be added

[fasterthanmydemons]

[ Speedster of the Galaxy ]

Mantis found it sad that someone who was clearly not a bad person was forced to flee his planet just to be free. She knew how it felt, to some degree. She had not been wanted by the law, but she had never been free. There was no law in Ego’s planet because he was the planet, and Mantis could not leave. It was impossible to escape from a living, sentient planet. Her fingers touched in front of her waist as usual, blinking slowly as she looked outside, listening to him; in that moment, she wanted to ask why the law wanted him, his sister, and some of the Avengers. But it was probably a sore subject, so she said nothing. He seemed to feel a little bit better. She wasn’t about to ruin it by asking questions.

She smiled as he explained how good times should be appreciated, but her eyes turned sad and sympathetic when Pietro said he and his sister went through hard times. And now, they couldn’t even exist peacefully in their own home planet… There were many planets where authority figures had the power to do whatever they wanted and they couldn’t be overthrown no matter what, even if they had done terrible things, even if people knew this. Clearly Earth was no different. He was right, though, not everything could be good all the time. It was amazing how he tried to stay positive despite his situation.

“Yes, really,” she replied when he asked if she really could help with the nightmares before asking if she could do that for him. “Of course!” Mantis smiled warmly. She wrung her hands, nodding slowly as she listened. “I know… I have nightmares sometimes, too.” Except that oftentimes, they weren’t really nightmares; they were memories. The stress of living in a sentient, murderous planet had conditioned her mind to such an extent where Mantis didn’t think she had ever experienced pleasant dreams. Her dreams were neutral at best, only having them after she had a good time laughing and dancing with the Guardians. Or sometimes they started out nice, before slowly morphing into horrible nightmares. Those were the worst. She tilted her head, searching for his eyes as he looked down. “Don’t be ashamed, it is not your fault. I know they can get bad, but they cannot hurt you.”

She extended both of her hands, thinking it would be less scary for Pietro if he initiated physical contact. “Give me your hand and look outside. Take a good look at space,” she instructed, trying to establish a connection between a calm mind and the sight of space. Looking at the stars always calmed her. Not too much, since being completely relaxed felt too unknown and only scared her more. But it helped. Her antennae began to glow as he gave her his hand, closing her eyes for better concentration. Wow. Being far away from his sister truly caused him terrible levels of anxiety, stress, fear and sadness. She didn’t think that forcing Pietro to feel better would help, so she simply focused on the nightmares. “You will rest the next time you sleep, and the nightmares will be gone,” she murmured. She would probably have to do it whenever he tried to sleep, but it was okay. Rather than forcing his mind to be calm at the sight of space, Mantis just made it so he would expect to be calmed by it.

Releasing his hand, she opened her eyes. The glow of her antennae faded away. She listened as he explained what their meetings were like. She agreed with Pietro; it sounded boring. “We don’t really do that, unless a particular mission is very complicated and we need a strategy,” she said. “Most of the time we follow Quill’s instructions. People think he’s an idiot, but he’s a good leader. Gamora is very skilled at giving great instructions, too,” she added.

“And then, after we complete a mission, we just… party with the citizens of the planet.” She smiled, inching closer playfully, her hands behind her back. “We tell them about ABBA and Cameo, they tell us to put Rocket on a leash…” Mantis was so happy to socialize, she didn’t care about the potential negative connotations of a conversation. Even when some people thought the Guardians were idiots, or flippant, or told them to go away, she was still cheerful. With Ego, Mantis had been unimaginably lonely. Isolated. It made her grateful to be out there, interacting with people, even when that meant being disliked or rejected. She had the Guardians. She had her family. She was happy.

Her antennae twitched as Pietro thanked her, and she beamed, smiling with her whole face. “You are welcome, really. I love space, but it can be a hostile place. Bonds are few and far between. We need to stick together.” Mantis shook her head when he said he knew she didn’t like compliments. “Oh, look… If you want to compliment others, including me, then do. I don’t know how to respond, but that does not mean you cannot say what’s on your mind. We speak our mind here, whether it is good or bad.” She giggled at the speedster’s comment, not sure why he was suddenly shy. “Yes, space is great indeed. And so unfairly beautiful.” She rubbed her hands a bit, processing more of what she sensed when she held his hand. “Do you really think I am like a ray of sunshine?” Mantis asked, sounding in equal parts hopeful and worried, scared of her antennae being broken.

__________

Pietro frowned when Mantis said she had nightmares. That was just so shitty, for someone like her to have nightmares. Not that anybody deserved them - well, maybe some evil people did - but sweet, helpful, kind people like Mantis deserved them least of all, he was sure. “Am sorry to hear that. If I had a way of making them go away, I would do for you,” he offered. “Unfortunately, if I did have a way, I would also do it for myself,” he then said with a little smirk. “You would really do that for me? Even though you don’t know me and I am not really one of you yet. I mean... I haven’t proven myself or overly... done... anything...” He’d gotten a tour of the ship, he was told where the food was and where he’d be sleeping, there were various conversations about music. But actual work? missions? Useful things? Well, they hadn’t really given him any of that yet. Pietro assumed it was because they wanted to see if he was really on the up-and-up, or if he was just a useless scatterbrain who didn’t deserve to join their team. Fair enough. He understood. But it was still a lot of pressure.

As he turned away to hide his emotions, Pietro couldn’t help how his eyes found Mantis’ again as she almost comically tilted to maintain eye contact with him. He smiled shyly despite his embarrassment. “There you go again...” he noted. “You are a light, Mantis, I hope you know. Do you know? You are one,” Pietro said. “When my sister and I were little, my mother used to say that some people are lights in life. They are the people who make you smile, who lift you up, who chase away the darkness, even when they are feeling terrible and really going through it themselves. They have this... natural sort of way about them that just brings out the good in people. Brings out the smiles and the laughter. I think you are one of those people, because I start to go, to get to a dark place in my head, and then you say something or look at me and I just...” He grinned. “I don’t feel so bad anymore.” But then she turned shy again, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “Sorry, am rambling again, I know.”

When Mantis told him to give her his hand and look out at space, he nodded. “Okay,” he said, trusting her completely. He gave her his hand and then looked out at space, drawing a deep breath and really taking a good look at it. Pietro’s mind at that moment was a strange combination of relaxed and fairly happy, and complete and utter angry and sad chaos. Like homemade buttercream frosting slathered thickly over a moldy cupcake, on the surface he seemed much better than he had been, calmer and more open-minded. But just below that surface, all the turmoil and trauma had left everything rather spoiled and soured. And he was trying to hide it all every minute of every day. It was exhausting.

There was a lot he was bottling up in favor of appearing strong, because he felt he had to always be strong. If he wasn’t, then he couldn’t support those around him, and Pietro’s whole life had always been about being that support others need. His parents, his sister, the old and sick and poor of Sokovia who needed food and medication, little Costel in the market hiding from Ultron, the Avengers, and now... the Guardians. Always strong. He had to be, because that was his role in life. As his father always told him... The men are the strong ones, the boxes that are stood upon, the walls that are leaned on, the shoulders that are cried upon. He believed in living a life that good, full of purpose and altruism, and he’d tried so hard to do it. But sometimes... he felt he was failing. Or that he had already failed. And not having the comfort of his twin with him wasn’t helping him at all.

When she said he would sleep well the next time, he looked back at her in truly shocked bewilderment. “What? Really? Is that simple?” His big puppy grin returned. “Wow, thank you very much! See... you are a light. Am right about you, I know it,” he said nodding knowingly. He was really going to like it here, with people like Mantis around. She made him was to do better, to be better. He wanted to be a good Guardian of the Galaxy.

“No boring meetings? Awesome!” Pietro said with a chuckle. Partying after missions sounded good too, although he was more the type to kindof watch everyone else to make sure they were okay. Sometimes people got too loud, or too drunk, or too... something, and then everything turned from party to brawl. Pietro was a people-watcher in that he was more observant that most gave him credit for. If things turned bad, he was the first to step in and try to break it up or deescalate. Or start punching, if there was no other option. “Listen to Quill and Gamora. Got it,” he said with a nod. “I don’t think Gamora likes me. She kindof rolled her eyes when I first joined up with you all. Not sure what that meant but I just let it go. I get it, am intruding on your team of friends here. I will have to earn my spot.”

As she said that bonds were rare and they had to stick together, Pietro couldn’t agree more. He nodded again, this time with more conviction. “You’re right. I will stop moping so much and make myself more useful to the team. I... I want to be a part of it,” he said sincerely. When the conversation turned to complimenting, Pietro shrugged. “I just... noticed it bothers you and I don’t want to bother anybody... least of all you. So if it upsets you, I don’t have to do it. I can keep to myself and if you ever want to know what I am thinking, you can always touch. Okay? I trust you. Is not little thing either, like... my sister is the only other one I’ve said that to, that you can just look in my head whenever you want. Just you and Wanda. Nobody else can, whether they have power to or not,” he said rather seriously, but then he smiled with an almost playful sort of happiness. “Yeah, I do think you are like a ray of sunshine. A little light, like I said. Maybe... a big light.”

[fabianocolucci]

Regarding the meta-narrative competition between the MCU and the DCEU

When it comes down to the two biggest comic book cinematic universes, there is no doubt that the Marvel Cinematic Universe is perceived as much bigger, more successful and more critically acclaimed than the DC Extended Universe.

Of course, there could be many reasons for that. The MCU came first, which gave the DCEU the aura of “you are merely an attempt to follow a successful franchise”, there isn’t a Kevin Feige-like figure who has supervised the DCEU from the start, one had set a path to follow through (leading up to Infinity War) while the other simply seems like a collection of movies that just share the same universe, and so on.

However, I have always felt like there is some narrative in how the people seem to enjoy that the MCU is more successful, even to the point of rooting for it.

You see, in the years before the first Iron Man movie premiered, Marvel had a lot of monetary issues, and they had to undergo through many choices in order to stay afloat. One of these choices was to sell the movie rights of their superheroes to various studios.

This is why, between 1998 and 2008, there have been more Marvel movies than ever before, since those studios obviously bought those rights in order to use them. The biggest heroes (X-Men, Fantastic Four and Spider-Man) had more than one movie, even though it was the Blade trilogy which technically kick-started everything.

As a result, when Marvel Studios was launched, they basically had to work with whatever superhero they could get the rights to. It was pure coincidence that some of these heroes (Iron Man, Captain America and Thor) were core members of the Avengers, which led to the plan of making movies about them, in order to lead towards their big team-up. Other heroes were considered to get a movie in that frame, such as Ant-Man and Shang-Chi, but they would only come in later.

This feels like a good story of someone hitting rock bottom and trying everything they could to not sink further, only for them to rise so high above that everyone wishes they could be like them.

DC, on the other hand, never had this issue, as it has always belonged to one movie studio (Warner Bros.), which means they never had to deal with “I can’t use this character in my movie because of their rights”. Sure, on their TV side, the story may be another one, with many cases like “you can’t put this character in your show because maybe we could be making a movie about them” (for instance, Wonder Woman never appeared on Smallville because they planned to make a movie about her. Said movie came out six years after Smallville, which ran for ten seasons, ended), but that’s something for another post, maybe.

As a result, they could bring in their big guns from the get go. In fact, while the MCU’s Phase One was all about introducing movie goers to the members of The Avengers, the DCEU first started with an origin story for Superman… before jumping straight into making a sequel where the Man of Steel literally fights Batman before teaming up with him and Wonder Woman, all while other important characters like Aquaman and The Flash make cameo appearances.

DC could do that because they didn’t feel the need to introduce Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman to moviegoers, since they are definitely more common and well known than, say, Iron Man before the 2008 movie.

Their cinematic universe felt like it was safe, to the point where they took its success so much for granted that, back in 2014, when they only had one movie released, they revealed their plan for the following six years, including not one but two Justice League movies. Not to mention, one of them was a Suicide Squad movie, which could have been felt as another gigantic power move, since, back then, MCU villains were criticised for how poorly they were developed, while DC had the ability to literally make them the stars.

Everything was set for the triumphant takeover of DC, which would have seen its shared universe become the bigger one.

And yet, what happened?

Well, Batman v. Superman “only” grossed 873 million Dollars. Mind you, this is by no means a failure, but, meanwhile, Captain America: Civil War, released a few weeks later, grossed about 300 millions more.

The first time DC’s biggest superheroes have met in live action did not outperform a movie where most of the main characters had been brought to mainstream audiences within the last 8 years, with the obvious exception of Spider-Man.

Many factors may have contributed, but that proved that the DCEU was not going to dethrone the MCU.

The subsequent movie, Suicide Squad, while managing to win an Academy Award, failed to please many critics and fans, and, while Wonder Woman was a much better film, it had the challenge of going against Spider-Man Homecoming, which managed to gross more once again.

On top of that, Justice League’s troubled production meant it was a box office bomb, compared to Thor Ragnarok. We’ve gotten to the point where the first silver screen iteration of the Justice League couldn’t even perform a team-up movie between Thor and the Hulk, whose previous solo movies are, to this day, still seen as weak spots within the MCU.

That, from a moviegoer perspective, seems like a form of justice, some sort of validation. The MCU had to earn its place among the big movie franchise. In order to have 10 of its films gross more than a billion Dollars, they actually had to flesh them out and develop them onscreen. In fact, only one movie out of those 10 featured a character that had not appeared anywhere else prior to that film, and that is Captain Marvel, and that was 11 years after the franchise had begun.

Seeing a company trying its best in order to stay afloat become this successful feels like the just triumph of blood, sweat and tears. Seeing its biggest rival, who wouldn’t even have to try so hard in standing in their place, fail seems like karmic retribution.

You may have noticed how much people enjoy seeing the DCEU not live up to its potential by how many videos and article about that pop put, especially when an MCU movie proves itself to be successful. Seriously, it’s as if people think “alright, Marvel is successful again, time to remind you of how much of a failure the DCEU is”.

And you know what? It seems like an interesting scenario to study and discuss about.

Of course, this is merely my opinion. I am curious, though: what do others think? Is there some sort of meta-narrative in how those two franchises are perceived? Let me know. Meanwhile, I head out.

[peppersonironi]

12, 21, 19

(Is this late? Oops. Sorry!)

12: Favourite character to write about this year

Stephanie Brown, easy. She's my spirit animal, so I might be doing a touch of projecting, but I honestly don't care. She's just pure chaos in the best way. Some of my favourite lines that I've written are for her. Such as:

"What's up bitches? I brought donuts!"

"My waffles await!"

"FEAR ME!"

"Welcome to Steph’s Glitter Bomb Palace, Where Snitches get Stitches™! So don’t tell Bruce or I’ll sic Jason on you."

She's also the character I've gotten the most comments on. People really seen to enjoy how I write her!

A close second would be Duke Thomas. Bliss, a fic I wrote for the 2020 Duke Week, was one of my favourites! Or maybe Damian? His dialogue just comes easy to me.

21: Most memorable comment/review

the batfamily exist:

everyone: is,,is that allowed?

On Code Orange (Batfam/Young Justice Crossover)

*Or*

I have wanted to read a DCU/MCU crossover for a VERY long time. This story is such a delight. Your characterisation (and for me an introduction to The Signal) was fascinating in the extreme. I loved the game playing and the fact that I could watch (open-mouthed) as Bruce Wayne enjoyed childlike fun with his children and Alfred(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) was the cherry on top of the icing on top of the cake. I look forward to your updates in a way that you wouldn't believe.

On Batfam/Avengers Crossover

19: Any new fics to start next year

Oh boy. So many. You know what? Here's a list. It'll be good to get these ideas out. Plus, you guys can tell me what you'd rather see first!

Gen/just Batfam

Crack fic based off this piece of dialogue (came from a convo between my sister and I): Tim reached forward and poked Duke's face. "You're right!" He exclaimed. "You really *do* squish like a block of wood!" Duke Centric.

Based on THIS Incorrect Quotes. Talia moves into the Manor because she's sick of Ra's. Featuring a bunch of good mom!Talia.

Based off THIS Incorrect Quotes. Jason runs for President as Red Hood. I have so many ideas! This'll be really fun.

Loosely based on THIS post. It explores Jason and Cassandra's relationship, and how it evolves.

Duke Thomas Big Bang Fic (can't say much, but it'll be great!)

Platonic (need to be certain you understand that. There were some misconceptions w/ my Discord server) Slow Burn between Tim and Damian. At the beginning the absolutely despise each other. But over time they realise their own insecurities, and how they don't actually hate the other. And by the end they fully admit and embrace their being brothers.

Reverse Robins with Damian as the oldest (I made THIS post talking about it a while back. But I've highly revised it.)

Reverse Robins with Duke as the oldest (I wrote THIS fic, but I think I want to change this into a series!)

Cassandra as Batman. Stephanie as Catwoman. Carrie Kelley as Robin.

5 Times Bette Kane was the mastermind behind the batkids' pranks without Bruce's knowledge, and 1 Time her brilliance was brought to light.

5 Times Duke thought that he couldn't possibly get any more siblings and 1 Time he met the cousins (AKA: Duke meets the extended family)

Birdflash

Birdflash in the JL/JLU universe (based off that one hexagon by @novaviis ! Super fun!). The league is inviting potential members to the Watchtower one day. Except Wally wasn't there during the choosing of said members. So he's completely shocked when his husband Nightwing shows up. They have to act like they don't know each other, which basically involves Dick flirting his butt off with Wally, Wally trying desperately to remain professional, Bruce digging in the corner, the rest of the League in varying degrees of disapproval and confusion (at least a couple have seen Wally's wedding ring. So that adds a while 'nother layer).

Young Justice soulmate au. Dick, and eventually everyone else, knows that Wally is his soulmate. Wally is oblivious. Lots of pining and angst in this one. Slow burn to an extent (depends on how long I make it). But definitely a happy fluffy ending in sight!

Batfam Meets Young Justice

THIS fic.

Duke gets yeeted into the YJ universe, and promptly passes out. He wakes up in the Watchtower, and breaks out of the confinement the Team has set up for him. Pulls shenanigans (some unwittingly) and used his powers. The Team and JL are confused, and panicking. Because this guy keeps muttering things about the Batfam. And he has a bat on his chest.

The Team break into some ancient temple after getting info on a new Supervillian plot. They find purple clothed woman draped across a throne. She talks, and they panic, as she knows all their secret identities. The only one who isn't, is Tim. He looks bored. Alternatively: Steph needs Tim's credit card to take his sister out on a date, and absolutely refuses to text.

While the Team is on a mission to stop Lady Shiva, a dimensional portal opens up and spits out a strange Robin (Damian) and what seemed to be a female Batman (Cass as Black Bat). This new dynamic due promptly defeats Lady Shiva and all the goons. The Team is freaked out, and 'apprehends' the dimensional anomalies, bringing them back to the Watchtower. Where the due promptly break and and start chaos. Featuring "Toxic" by Britney Spears. I will not explain why.

The Watchtower gets a sudden emergency message from the Batcave. They accept, to find a stranger calling himself Signal panicking about Robin being missing. They all look at Tim, who ignores them, and says that he doesn't know where Robin is. Some naming shenanigans occur.

(Not sure if this fits here, oh well) Set in Season One, Bruce is tired of Clark's attitude towards Superboy, and adopts the clone himself. Not sure how far this'll go, but at least goes through Dick's time as Robin. (Based on THIS Tumblr post)

(Also iffy on placement) a continuation of one (not sure which? Probably Damian as older) Reverse Robins fics. It's a retelling of Season One of YJ, with Dick as Robin. Nightwing (Damian) feels protective of his brother, and so takes on the role Black Canary had in the show, training the Team. But as time goes on, he ends up being more of a big brother to the group. Cameos from the rest of the Batfam as well! And an Identity Reveal (including finding out Dick and Dami are brothers) at the end!

Batfam Meets the Justice League

Cass takes over being Batman for a bit, because Bruce was an idiot and broke his leg. This happens to line up with when the Justice League reach out to the Dark Knight, in order to extend an invitation to the league. They eventually meet Bruce as Batman, and are confused as to why he is so tall. And male.

Joyfire

Lian accidentally reveals her three parents' relationship by calling Bruce 'grandpa' over dinner.

Museum Heist

THIS fic

Operation: Seduce Nightwing. Based on a post for an ATLA ot3, Wally and Artemis realise silumaneously “Hey, we kinda have the hots for Dick” and decide together to see if he likes them back. Which involves a heck ton of over the top flirting, and shenanigans. The Team is sighing on the sidelines at their idiocy. Dick is internally combusting and thinking “Do they like me back? I’’m not sure.” 

5 times Dick and Wally fought over being the middle spoon, and one time Artemis had had enough.

Set in Season 3 (but ignores some canon), Bart is kidnapped by some mad scientist obsessed with the Speed Force. The Team mobilizes, and gets Bart back from the evil base. But when they get there, they find Wally West freed from the Speed Force. He and Artemis reunite, and everyone is happy. They prepare to leave. Then the Pick-up Squad arrive in the bioship, and Dick gets out. Everyone is expecting Dick to give Wally a hug, because hey, he's his best friend! What they weren't expecting was him to run forward and pull the speedster into a passionate kiss. They go back to the Watchtower, and some more stuff happens.

Soulmate AU where the first thing your soulmate says to you after they fall in love with you is tattooed on your body.

Post Season Two Get Together. Starts with Artemis living with Dick as opposed to Will. Might be Slow Burn? (They come pretty close to kissing) Eventually Wally comes back. Arty and Wally are back together. They both live in the same house as Dick, for convenience. Then some more Slow Burn happens. Maybe some Birdflash moments. Arty tells Wally she kinda had a thing for Dick. Wally admits the same. Maybe a touch more Slow Burn. They Eventually get together.

Batlantern

AU where Bruce met Hal back when he first came back to Gotham. Fic goes through how their relationship evolves over the years (up until current time, when Damian is 13). I'm considering a relationship reveal with the Justice League.

Hal's interactions with Bruce's kids.

Green Lantern Corp acting protective of Hal when Bruce comes to Oa. This was an ask that I got, and I'm holding off on writing it till I get as much into on the GL's as possible, as all I know if their characterization comes from that animated series, and Guy Gardener's (Hilarious!) parts on Young Justice.

Marvel

Like 3 different versions of the Peter Parker Field Trip to Stark Tower Trope.

2-part Crossover with the Batfam (they exist in the same universe), where the Avengers go to a Wayne Gala, and interact with the family. The second chapter involves them heading out the next night to try and contact Batman.

THIS fic.

[alloftheblackwidowfeelings]

I got a bunch of asks about different potential Avengers cameos in Black Widow. I’m doing one post for each character I’m asked about, with a specific question if it’s not too spoilery. I’m tagging them all “Black Widow movie cameos” whether or not the character appears in any capacity, so that they’re easily cataloged but also easily avoidable.

This post: Tony Stark.

[Transcript: An anon ask: “How much of Tony Stark do we get to see in the movie as it’s already been confirmed that he’s in it and RDJ even posted pictures from the set at some point?“]

Anon, I saw the same stuff you did, but he wasn’t in it at all. Even the scene I remembered that I’d expected we’d see- the SDCC trailer had had what I believe was an extended cut from Civil War of Nat and Tony fighting before she disappeared from the third act- wasn’t in it, unless I missed something major.

That said, Tony’s presence is definitely felt in this movie. One of the things i really liked here was that unlike some earlier films that kind of push the non-appearing characters to the side, here they’re referenced often, specifically in the post-CW context. Nat’s loneliness is seen partly in how she doesn’t have the team. So when, for example, Nat is asked about her “super scientist” friend and says that Tony isn’t speaking to her, it hits harder than if it was a random scientist we didn’t know.

I’m looking forward to going back to the specific lines, because I came away with the impression that him not speaking to her was different than her not speaking to him- the idea that she still wants this Avengers family even though no one else seems to- but I can’t swear that this interpretation was supported by the text; I spent the whole movie buzzing with Nat feelings and I definitely missed some stuff.

[the-desolated-quill]

Quill’s Swill - The Worst Of 2019

Congratulations! You’ve made it through another year! You’ve faced many obstacles and overcome many adversaries to arrive here, at the dawn of a new decade. So as we prepare to leave the 2010s and make our way into the 2020s, lets take a look back at the challenges and hardships of 2019. And by challenges and hardships, I of course mean shitty fiction and media.

Yes, it’s time for yet another edition of Quill’s Swill, where we mark the absolute worst stories that the industry had to offer over the past year and proceed to tear them to shreds. Think of it as like voiding your bowels before the New Year.

As always remember that this is my personal, subjective opinion. If you happen to like any of the things on this list, that’s fine. More power to you. Go make your own list. Also bear in mind I haven’t seen everything 2019 has to offer due to various other commitments. So as much as I really, really want to, I can’t put Avengers Endgame on here. I know what happens. It sounds fucking terrible, but I haven’t seen the film, so it wouldn’t be fair of me to put it on the list, even though it would most definitely deserve it.

...

Seriously, read the synopsis of Endgame on Wikipedia some time. It’s like fanfic written by a nine year old. It’s truly shocking. And now it’s the highest grossing movie of all time? Give me strength.

All In A Row

Don’t you just hate it when you’re expected to parent your autistic child? Like actually show love and care and consideration to your offspring. Look at him, expecting you to treat him like a human being. Selfish bastard! If only there was a play that explored the horrors of having to be a decent person to your own flesh and blood and how objectively awful it is. If you’re one of those people, then the play All In A Row will be right up your street.

Premiering on the 14th February at Southwark Playhouse in London, All In A Row was a total shitshow to say the least. The playwright, Alex Oates, claimed to have ten years of experience working with autistic children, which you wouldn’t have believed if you saw the play as the autistic child at the centre of the play, Lawrence, seemed more like a wild animal than a person. In fact two of the main characters compare him to a dog. And if you thought this wasn’t dehumanising enough, Lawrence isn’t even a child. He’s a puppet. Yes, it’s as bad as it sounds.

All In A Row seems to place all of the blame for the family’s predicament on the autistic child, who’s presented as barely functional, bordering on bestial. There’s no effort to really make an emotional connection with Lawrence (how can you? He’s a puppet!) as the play instead focuses on how this kid has effectively ruined this family’s life because of his autism and aggressive behaviour. Speaking as someone on the autism spectrum, I can say quite confidently that this play is fucking despicable. Badly written, badly conceived, insulting and downright mean spirited. I wouldn’t want Oates looking after my autistic children, that’s for damn sure.

Anthem

EA is back and this time they’re dragging the critical darling that is BioWare down with them.

Anthem was a desperate attempt to jump aboard the ‘live service’ bandwagon, trying to replicate the success of other video games like Overwatch, Destiny and Warframe. They failed spectacularly. The game itself had more bugs than A Bug’s Life, loot drops were often stingy and unrewarding, loading times were farcically long, and the story and worldbuilding was fucking pitiful. Oh yeah, and if you played it on PS4, there was a good chance it could permanently damage it. Thankfully I have a uni friend with an Xbox One and they allowed me to play the game on that. It was a crushing disappointment, especially coming fresh off the heels of Mass Effect Andromeda, which didn’t exactly set the world on fire back in 2017.

It didn’t help that EA’s reputation was in tatters thanks to the lootbox controversy of Star Wars Battlefront II and having to try and win back the trust of fans, but worse still reports began to service of what went on behind the scenes at BioWare during the game’s development. Apparently the game’s story and mechanics kept changing every other day as the creative directors and writers didn’t have the faintest idea what kind of game they wanted to make, and the developers were often forced to work obscenely long work hours in abusive crunch periods to get the game finished for launch. It got so bad that, according to an article on Kotaku, some members of the team had to leave for weeks or even months at a time to recover from ‘stress casualties.’ 

To think this was the same company that gave us Mass Effect, Dragon Age and Knights Of The Old Republic. Thank God that Obsidian Entertainment is there to pick up the slack on the RPG front because I think it’s safe to assume that BioWare won’t be around for much longer at this rate.

The Lion King (2019 remake)

Here we go. Yet another live action remake of a Disney classic. Excpet it’s not live action, is it? Well... it’s live action in the sense that Dinosaur was live action (remember that film? Don’t worry if you don’t. No one does). Real locations but CGI characters. Millions of dollars spent on cutting edge tech to create photo realistic animals... and the film ends up duller than a bowl of porridge that really likes trainspotting.

It’s not just the fact that The Lion King remake is yet another soulless cash grab from the House of Mouse, it’s also the fact that it’s done really badly that upsets me. The Lion King works as an animated film. Bright colourful images, over the top song and dance sequences and vibrant character designs. As a ‘live action’ film, it just looks awkward and stilted. None of the animals are very expressive, leaving it up to the poor voice actors to carry the film, and to cap it all off the CGI isn’t even all that convincing in my opinion. At no point did I look at Simba and go ‘oh yeah, he looks like a real lion.’ It’s so obviously fake. In fact it reminds me of those early 00s movies like Cats & Dogs or Stuart Little where you see the jaws of the talking animals moving up and down like some messed up ventriloquist act or something. And here’s me thinking cinema has evolved past this.

BBC’s The War Of The Worlds

Remember Peter Harness? That guy who wrote that Doctor Who episode about the moon being an egg? Yeah, he’s back and he’s doing an adaptation of H.G. Wells’ War Of The Worlds. And guess what! It’s fucking ghastly! :D

The three part BBC mini-series was without a doubt some of the worst telly I think I’ve ever seen. It’s staggering how clueless Harness is as a writer. For starters he managed to achieve the impossible and somehow made a Martian invasion of Earth boring. I didn’t even think it was possible, but somehow he pulled it off. Then he sucks all tension out of the story by revealing the ultimate fate of the Martians at the beginning of the second episode, so now any threat or danger has been chucked out of the window because we know that the main female protagonist Amy at least would survive. And then finally he takes a massive dump over the source material by having humanity weaponise typhoid to kill the red weed rather than just having the Martians die of the common cold like in the book. Because God forbid us Brits should be presented as anything other than heroic and dignified.

So what we’re left with is a poorly realised allegory with ineffectual horror tropes full of OTT progressive posturing in a pathetic attempt to make Harness and the BBC look more liberal than they actually are. There’s no effort to really explore the themes of imperialism and colonialism outside of casual lip service, and we barely get a glimpse of the dark side of humanity. Everyone is presented as flawed, but basically awesome or, in the case of Rafe Spall’s character, utterly gormless. Our TV license fees help fund this shit, you know?!

And if you think this was bad, just wait till New Year’s Day where we’ll get to see Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss’ butcher Dracula. Can we stop giving these beloved literary icons to these hacks please?

Glass

I liked Split. It wasn’t an amazing movie, but it was entertaining with some good ideas, a great performance from James McAvoy and was a true return to form for M Night Shyamalan. That being said, I wasn’t keen on the idea of it taking place in the same universe as Unbreakable. I feared it would be a step too far and we’d end up having something like... well, something like Glass.

On paper, Glass isn’t a bad idea. The idea of superpowers being a delusion is legitimately intriguing and could have been a great post-modern deconstruction of the superhero genre. Except Shyamalan never actually does anything with it. The first act drags on and on with absolutely nothing happening, none of the characters really grow or change over the course of the film, Bruce Willis in particular is basically only here for an extended cameo as his character does pretty much nothing for the majority of the film, and then the entire film is undermined by that stupid Shyamalan twist. Turns out superhumans are real and there’s a big cover up. Oh great! So not only does it render the entire film pointless, it also undoes what made Unbreakable and Split so good. They’re no longer people capable of extraordinary feats via rational means. They’re just superhuman. They can do anything. Sigh.

Shyamalan... maybe it’s time to give up the director’s chair, yeah?

Cats

Oh come on! Don’t act surprised! Did you honestly think I wouldn’t put Cats on this list?!

Cats, without a doubt, is the worst film of the decade and, yes, the CGI is terrible. Not only are there these sub-human cat mutants running around, we also have mice and cockroaches with child faces, James Corden coughing up furballs, Taylor Swift trying to give the furries in the audience boners, Idris Elba looking disturbingly underdressed and Rebel Wilson being... well... Rebel Wilson. It’s a disaster of a film. And really, should we even be surprised? We all knew this was going to suck. And no it’s not because of the CGI. I thought the CGI in Pokemon: Detective Pikachu was creepy as well, but at least it had a decent script and good performances to back it up. No the reason why Cats sucked is because... it’s Cats. It’s always been that bad. No amount of ‘advanced fur technology’ was going to change that. It was still going to be a confused, plotless mess with one dimensional characters and bad songs.

The only consolation I had was that I didn’t waste money buying a ticket. A friend of mine snuck me into the premiere and we watched it in the projector room. The plan was to make fun of it and have a laugh, but we didn’t even do that because honestly there’s nothing to really make fun. There’s only so many times you can take the piss out of the CGI and honestly the film was just boring more than anything else. It doesn’t even have the distinction of being so bad it’s good like Sharknado or Tommy Wiseau’s The Room. It’s just bad, period.

I just hope we don’t see something similar happen to Starlight Express. Just think. Anthropomorphic, singing trains on roller skates. Shudder.

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker

Finally we have yet another cynical cash grab from Disney.

I confess I didn’t exactly go into The Rise Of Skywalker with an open mind. I was never all that keen on a sequel trilogy in the first place, and neither The Force Awakens nor The Last Jedi ever convinced me otherwise. Admittedly they weren’t bad movies. Just derivative and painfully uninspired, and I was expecting more of the same for Episode IX. What I got instead was quite possibly the worst Star Wars film since Attack Of The Clones. Yes, it’s that bad.

This film is very poorly made, filled with plot contrivances and logic holes galore. I lost count of the number of times the protagonists got into a dangerous situation because of Rey constantly wandering off like a confused toddler lost in a shopping mall. Oh and we finally find out who her parents were and it was quite a twist, but only because it was really stupid. Of course we didn’t see it coming because nobody would have guessed it would be something that moronic. I feel JJ Abrams’ stupid ‘mystery box’ philosophy is to blame for this. It’s derailed countless franchises before such as Lost and Cloverfield, and now Abrams has fucked up Star Wars because he’s obsessed with mystery for the sake of mystery and Disney are so lazy that they couldn’t be bothered to plan an actual trilogy out properly beforehand. Instead they just wing it, making it up as they go along, which led to Rian Johnson ‘subverting our expectations’ and left Abrams desperately trying to pick up the pieces. 

In fact a lot of The Rise Of Skywalker seemed designed specifically to appease people of both sides of the wide chasm The Last Jedi had created. The roles of characters of colour like Finn and Rose were significantly reduced, Poe and Finn don’t end up together because of homophobia, but we do see two women kiss in the background of one two second shot that could easily be cut out when they release the film in China, Kylo Ren gets his stupid redemption even though he hasn’t fucking earned it, Lando Calrissian shows up for no fucking reason, Rey is given ‘flaws’ relating to her parentage in order to combat those accusing her of being a Mary Sue, but they’re the boring kind of flaws that don’t have any real impact on her character, and that ghastly ship Reylo is made canon even though it makes no sodding sense in the context of this movie, let alone the whole trilogy. They even go to the trouble of baiting us with a FinnRey romance before pulling the rug out from under us. Then, just to add insult to injury, the film retroactively ends up making the entire original trilogy completely pointless. All because Disney wanted more dollars to put in their Scrooge McDuck money bin.

The Rise Of Skywalker, and indeed the entire sequel trilogy, should serve as a cautionary tale against the dangers of hype and nostalgia. The reason The Force Awakens was successful wasn’t because it was a good movie (because lets be brutally honest here, it really fucking wasn’t). It was because it gave gullible Star Wars fans warm fuzzies because it reminded them of A New Hope whilst tempting them with the vague promise that things might get more interesting later on. And when that didn’t materialise, quelle surprise, the fanbase didn’t take it very well. I would love to think that this will serve as an important lesson for the future when people go and see Disney movies, but who am I kidding? I guarantee at some point we’re going to get Episodes X, XI and XII and we’ll have to go through this sorry process all over again.

So there we have it. The worst of 2019. May they rot forever in Satan’s rectum or wherever it is stories go to die. Tomorrow we’ll take a look at the other end of the spectrum. Yes it’s the Quill Seal Of Approval Awards! The best of the best! Who shall win? The suspense is killing me! Ooooh, I can’t wait! You’ll be there tomorrow, won’t you? Of course you will. How could you not?

[guardianreadersofthegalaxy]

Dom’s mini Who reviews - the salvageable episodes

Can You Hear Me? – Much like a dream, this is surprisingly forgettable for how good it is. I love the weird, Lovecraftian finger magic and sensitive exploration of mental health. The Chagaska look great but are underused and the Doctor’s interaction with Graeme is poorly handled.

Closing Time – This could lose the extended gay joke and the inclusion of the Cybermen feels obligatory. But the baby is cute and the comedy mostly lands. James Corden is fine, I don’t know why people hate him. Smith’s introspective moments are the real highlight.

Cold War – This might be the best Doctor Who has ever looked, credit to the production team. Cunningham and Menzies play passable supporting characters but the whacky old man doesn’t work for me. The Ice Warrior looks fine. This episode is fine.

Deep Breath – This is too long! Every scene is stretched to the point of tedium. That being said, Capaldi hits the ground running, providing a fresh take on the Doctor and on the regeneration process. And I like Matt Smith’s cameo, even if others don’t.

Demons Of The Punjab – The Doctor and companions don’t affect the plot at all and this wastes the opportunity to develop Yas. But the visual and sound design of the aliens is great. And it works if you see it as an ITV Romeo & Juliet adaptation during India’s partition, with some shoehorned time travellers.

Dinosaurs On A Spaceship – This is one of the few DW stories that doesn’t really try making a point and just aims for camp fun. The side characters are wasted (because it’s Chibnall) but the series arc of the Doctor’s changing relationship with his companions is competently maintained.

The End Of Time – This goes a little too hard on the epic melodrama, something neither Davies nor Moffat excel at. But Tennant, Simm and Cribbons all sell the hell out of it. Murray Gold brings his A-Game and Timothy Dalton make a great B villain. Part 1’s a bit too silly though, and it looks rubbish.

The Girl Who Died – This has a lot of buildup to what ends up being a limp confrontation. Still Capaldi and Coleman have both hit their stride now and Maisie Williams is cute. BUT the ending is a huge copout. And we didn’t need an explanation for 12’s appearance – we know what actors are!

The Lodger – This episode doesn’t ask much of you. There’s a pretty dull setting but Smith does a great job with some comedic material and the upstairs hologram is reasonably creepy.

Praxeus – This has an exciting start and end but, like many a Chibnall era episode, slides into exposition in the middle. Most of the supporting characters are fine and the body horror really works. Yas gets something to do and the environmental message is subtler than Orphan 55.

Sleep No More – This is grossly underrated. Yes, the monster idea is really dumb but it looks amazing. The found footage style gives it a unique, eerie feel and the ‘sandmen’ are wisely shot in darkness and shaky cam. We need more episodes like this!

Spyfall – All the best stuff is in part 2, which has tonnes of imagination. I don’t love Sacha Dhawan’s Master but he’s not so bad here. The Kasaavin look and sound great and the Bond stuff is fun. Lenny Henry makes a reasonably intimidating B villain and Akinola’s themes are decent.

The Stolen Earth/ Journey’s End – The Dalek’s introduction always gives me shivers, but from then on, they kind of suck. I’ve never seen the need for Davros. The Avengers-style team up is fun but the technobabble solution is really stupid. It’s decent, but one of Davies’s weaker finales.

The Woman Who Fell To Earth – This quickly establishes the bold new tone of the Chibnall era, which felt fresh at the time. Tim Shaw looks and sounds great. However, even in their first appearance, the companions are side-lined to make time for nameless canon fodder characters.

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

the black widow movie has begun shooting

haha so funny story, i haven’t been able to move on with my posts because i refuse to move on without giving nat the attention she deserves

since no one was doing it (in a way i saw fit) i decided to do it myself and will proceed to do so for the following days/weeks until i get closure

i started writing my feels today coincidentally, unknowingly, at the same time news broke about nat’s film haha

(i like to think maybe my feels willed the movie to start shooting or maybe i had a sixth sense it was coming that resulted in a rush of nat feels that could only be written down haha)

so here’s a list of things I’m scared to want from the black widow movie because gods know you should already be bracing yourself to be disappointed by it

Nat being a hero and benefiting from it. What do I mean by that? Simple. GIVE THIS WOMAN THE APPRECIATION SHE FUCKING DESERVES. SHE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HERO AND SHE DESERVES TO BE RECOGNIZED AS SUCH·

Nat being the momma avenger to wanda, looking out for her, watching after her, keeping tabs on her in order to make sure she’s safe

The protecting orphans initiative storyline that the russos said wouldn’t have been done justice in endgame and oh will you look at that there happens to be an entire movie to oh I don’t know MAYBE FUCKING DO IT JUSTICE.

HAVE THIS CHARACTER DO SOMETHING BADASS AND PERSONAL TO HER (only orphan avenger) THAT SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO SHARE WITH ANYONE ELSE. A MISSION THAT IS FORTHRIGHT HERS AND HERS ALONE.

If they go with this storyline which they almost certainly wont, have the remaining avengers who knew her and possibly knew about this, keep this going for her

Speaking of which, A life outside of the avengers that we haven’t seen.

Nat being happy, her hobbies, her likes, dislikes, personality traits, and quirks that have nothing to do with work

Nat’s funeral, her legacy, her family grieving for her

I’m already bracing myself for no funeral because it would just be a disappointment if steve didn’t show up which im seriously having a hard time believing chris would come back cus his contract’s already up. I mean shit he already extended it for avengers. I’m very doubtful he’d come back for a cameo but who knows. If he did then I’d fucking cry about it. But I really don’t wanna let myself hope

And I just here’s the thing. Im gonna have a very hard time feeling the weight of the relationship nat is going to have with the new characters they’re introducing in her film, compared to the family she’s spent a lifetime with.

So I’m guessing I don’t want them to retcon it into oh now she has these relationships. When she has the people she spent all this time with·         This is going to be the last we see of our girl and I don’t want it to be with a bunch of strangers we barely know. LET NAT’S LAST MOVIE BE WITH HER FAMILY.

And I know I’ve said it before, but I really just wanna say it again. Nat deserves a life outside of the avengers. We and she deserves to see her happy for once.

[ogradyfilm]

Recently Viewed: SHAZAM!

Armchair pop culture analysts drone on and on about “superhero fatigue,” but the current abundance of material isn’t the primary cause of that (largely exaggerated) issue; the real root of the problem lies in studios' over-reliance on soulless mimicry. Every time a comic book adaptation earns widespread critical acclaim and/or smashes box office records, corporate bigwigs race to replicate the secret recipe that will allow them to print money (see: The Dark Knight, The Avengers)—and, more often than not, end up face-planting at the starting line. DC’s SHAZAM! succeeds where the likes of Suicide Squad and Justice League fell short because it actually understands why audiences responded so favorably to its trailblazing predecessors: innovation always trumps shallow imitation.

(For even more compelling evidence, look no further than the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which—contrary to what its detractors would argue—constantly experiments with different tones, styles, and sub-genres.)

SHAZAM! isn’t only special because of the inherent novelty of its premise (the protagonist is a young boy capable of literally transforming into a Herculean demigod—the ultimate evolution of the adolescent power fantasy upon which the industry was built); it is further distinguished by its emphasis on characterization and theme over mere spectacle. Billy Batson is a fourteen-year-old orphan that refuses to play by the rules of the foster care system—after all, why should he settle for a “pretend family” when he knows that his birth mother is still somewhere in Philadelphia, just waiting to be found? When he is suddenly chosen by the ancient wizard Shazam to act as his champion in the war against the personifications of the Seven Deadly Sins, however, our hopelessly overwhelmed protagonist turns to his nerdy new brother (an unabashed Superman fanatic) for aid in mastering such fantastic abilities as the lightning of Zeus, the speed of Mercury, and the stamina of Atlas.

Predictably, they behave with the level of responsibility and maturity you’d expect from a pair of teenagers, abusing Billy’s magical gifts in the pursuit of fame, fortune, and beer. But after their foolish antics (which they diligently record and post on YouTube, naturally) attract the attention of the nefarious Doctor Thaddeus Sivana—a previous candidate for the mantle of Shazam that was ultimately rejected for lacking a pure heart—the newly-christened Captain Marvel (I don’t give a damn what the lawyers say, that’s his name) must learn the true meaning of heroism in order to protect the ragtag bunch of misfits he now considers his siblings. And along the way, he discovers that “home” was never quite as far away as he thought.

Despite the seemingly monumental stakes (demons, mysticism, and metaphysical horror), the conflict remains charmingly small-scale—heck, the climactic battle takes place not in some bizarre alternate dimension or on the surface of a remote alien planet, but smack-dab in the middle of a Christmas carnival. This is due in large part to the relatively modest budget, but director David F. Sandberg turns this potential disadvantage into his greatest asset, devoting the vast majority of the 132-minute running time to developing the characters and the relationships between them, thus ensuring that viewers are totally invested in the action (and, consequently, making them more inclined to suspend their disbelief and forgive the less-than-stellar visual effects).

All that being said, I sincerely hope that there’s no misguided attempt to distill this film’s triumphs down to a simple formula. SHAZAM! soars because its originality makes it feel fresh, exciting, and surprising; trying to cannibalize the qualities that make it work (particularly its self-deprecating sense of humor and lighthearted atmosphere) without comprehending its underlying strengths would only end in disaster.

(Let’s be honest, though: if we interpret the plot as a metaphor for the DC Extended Universe itself, then Sivana symbolizes Warner Bros. Entertainment—always trying to exploit shortcuts in its endless quest to seize greatness, rather than acknowledging its limitations and learning to stand on its own merits.)

And now, if you’ll permit me to geek out for a moment, here is a list of my favorite of the movie’s many winks, references, and Easter eggs (SPOILERS below, obviously):

Billy and his siblings attend a school called Fawcett Central. The original Captain Marvel Adventures comic books were released under the banner of Fawcett Publications before DC acquired the rights to the character.

A flashback shows Billy begging his mother to buy him a stuffed tiger. Mister Tawky Tawny, a talking anthropomorphic tiger, was a frequent recurring character in the source material.

When Sivana initially arrives at the Rock of Eternity, the camera lingers on an unassuming caterpillar in a jar; fans will immediately recognize this as Mister Mind, a classic Captain Marvel villain. When Billy drops by later, the glass prison is shattered, and the fiend is nowhere to be seen. I expected that to be the full extent of his little cameo; imagine my delight when he returned for the mid-credits scene—and with several lines of dialogue, to boot!

[geekcavepodcast]

“Spider-Man: Far From Home” Review

A Fitting Epilogue

Spider-Man: Far From Home may be the best Spider-Man movie that has yet been made. From Tom Holland as Peter/Spider-Man, to the locations, to the story, to Jake Gyllenhaal as Mysterio and beyond, everything seems to click just perfectly to make an excellent movie. Though spoilers will be avoided throughout the review, I believe this movie to be a well-constructed, well-acted, and worthy use of your time as either a Spider-Man fan, or a Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) fan.

The story is that after the events of Endgame, which saw everyone dusted return, there is a bit of struggle for everything to return to a sense of normalcy. Peter, along with a selection of classmates, are going on a school-sponsored trip that get to go to Europe. Peter wants nothing more than to have a break. He wants to put Spider-Man away for awhile and just be a 16 year-old kid. As happens in these movies, he can’t. Why? Well, in this case, because his trip is hijacked by Nick Fury who is pushing Peter to be an Avenger instead of a Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man...oh, and because a bunch of giant monsters are wreaking havoc in Europe.

  Peter’s still grieving the loss of Tony Stark and is feeling the pressure to become the next Tony Stark. This is a lot to put on someone that blipped out of existence for 5 years, so when Quentin Beck (Mysterio) shows up from Earth 833 (I think) and offers Peter someone he can bond with on a hero level, Peter goes all in. Over the course of the movie, the fall-out of that decision reminds us that Peter Parker has two glaring weaknesses as a hero. 1) He is a 16-year-old kid that is yearning for direction and guidance and so his trust is too easily won by those who seem to offer that and 2) he is a 16-year-old kid with 16-year-old priorities, which means that he hasn’t yet figured out that he cannot have the “normal” life he desires and also be Spider-Man. There would have to be a new definition of normal. There is arguably a third weakness that has to do with crippling anxiety and self-doubt, but that may be reading into the character a bit too much.

Over the film, Peter has some highs and some lows until he defines his identity for himself. That is the real main idea of the movie. Who does Peter Parker think that Peter Parker should be? Homecoming was about Tony Stark enforcing the notion of a “friendly neighborhood Spider-Man” and this movie has a lot of Nick Fury pushing to be an Avenger. This tension tears Peter up, and leads to some of the best emotional moments in the movie.

  Tom Holland is, once again, a revelation as Peter Parker/Spider-Man. To date, no one else has been able to believably capture both aspects of Peter’s life. That connection to the character continues here. Holland’s awkwardness with actress Zendaya (MJ) is so believable, one would think that he’s scared of her in real life. Their interactions as a young man with a crush are painful and funny for all the right reasons. This extends to the relationships with the other members of the school group.

Zendaya, as MJ, gets an expanded role in this movie and she uses it to great effect. It would have been so easy to slip into the stereotype of the “cool weird” girl, but Zendaya crushes that under her feet to give us a fully realized MJ that is as distinct as she is realistic.

  Jake Gyllenhaal is perfectly cast as Quentin Beck, a mysterious hero from Earth-833 that Peter’s School group dubs “Mysterio.” Charismatic, menacing, and calculating, this is one of the most fun villains that we’ve had since Justin Hammer (don’t shake your head at that, Sam Rockwell was amazing in that role). His heel turn, though anticipated, was well orchestrated and fun to watch.

  In a genre that is required to have action pieces, it becomes hard to stand out. Far From Home has excellent set pieces for those action moments, and I would commend Jon Watts for making sure that we didn’t get lost in the chaos. But it’s not the fight scenes that are really going to stick in your mind. The scenes that will stick are the ones in which Mysterio has turned his special effects directly on Spider-Man. (By the way, if you are thinking of bringing small children to this, you may want to do a pre-viewing to make sure they can handle it. Some of the nightmare sequences are pretty intense.)

 Anything more said is going to spoil the fun. Remember that there are two scenes at the end, one in the mid-credits and one at the end. These exist not only for fun, but to open the story first for Spider-Man (including one of the most unanticipated and delightful cameos in the MCU) and second for the possible direction of Phase 4.

Spider-Man: Far From Home is a wild ride that ticks all the necessary boxes for an excellent superhero film. Location, character, action, humor, and story all combine into a fitting epilogue to the first three phases of the MCU and does an admirable job of setting up where the next phase can go.

  Grade: A

~Chad

(Images from Spider-Man: Far From Home)

[blakegallo]

under the cut is going to be spoilers for endgame read at your own risk. this isn’t so much a review as just a post with my most immediate complaints. i honestly don’t think that i enjoyed this movie as much as most critics or diehard marvel stans. i don’t think that the movie is terrible, but um, not the biggest fan.

i look forward to reading people’s thoughts because there’s really a lot to talk about. i thought i’d pretty thoroughly spoiled myself but there were still plenty of shocking moments to be had. 

i guess we can start with thor since i linked that mary sue article about him. even with the warning i don’t think i was prepared for how much the movie sets up for you to laugh at him. it was really quite painful to watch and honestly i hated every minute of it. the fatphobia aside though ithink that thor really had a lot of great moments, i have no interest in watching a gaurdians movie, but if thor is there so am i.

as for the asgardians i feel like them all dying was retconned in this, as with valkyrie surviving. that said i didn’t really care because i was just happy to see them thriving even with tessa thompsons weird accent. like. good for all of them. that said i’m said they really couldn’t hire a double for heimdall. i think it’s really shit that he remained dead. like. just have some guy with locs and shoot them from behind from really far away. it’s not like they had natalie portman speak in her cameo, but that said i was still happy she appeared on screen. easily a highlight of the movie.

the worst part of this film is by far and away steve’s arc. he gets a lot of great moments, some of the best fight sequences in the film [ the extended scene of the trinity that gets teased in the trailer doesn’t disappoint at all ]. in respect to having him come back as an old man though firmly breaks the logic and rules that the movie set up at the start of act 2. for that i really can’t forgive the film. as much as i love steve and i love peggy it really doesn’t work for me here. it don’t fuck with it. i’ve already seen articles popping up addressing this and they do it far more justice than i ever could. so. read those.

i want to talk about tony. not in relation to his arc because i’m honestly the last person that can really address that. i just want to say that the fact that tony got to have a moment connecting with his dad and one later with peter and we were robbed of that initial contact between peter and aunt may who had to live five years thinking he was dead, having absolutely no clue if he was snapped out of existence or what, like. that pains me. i will say that i enjoyed tony more in this movie [ mostly the scenes he had with his daughter / the one with pepper before he arrives back at avengers hq ] than i have in a lot of the other films i’ve se3en him in. i think his death and resulting funeral was far better than the scenes of him on the ship because they weren’t immediately undercut by captain marvel appearing out of nowhere to fly him to safety. those moments worked and gwyneth really killed it not only in her action scenes but sellign tony’s death.

by far and away the worst part of the movie was all of the parts that were hawkeye as ronan and hawkeye + natasha going to retrieve the soul stone. can we talk about how clint literally spent the five years slaughtering random people of color? first we hear of him killing people in mexico and then we are treated to him slaughtering japanese people. sure the people are apparently criminals, but it’s jsut gross that he was doing this and then natasha still wanted to call him a hero. none of that was as gross as the two of them fighting over who should get to committs suicide. honestly that just. it blew my mind that no one is talking about that? like. i get that scarjo is a person no one fucks with, but that shit was still bad. i don’t care. it was.

the last thing i can think of before i crash is that i’m lowkey bothered that for some reason when peter returns to school ned is still there as though five years haven’t passed? like.... either everyone at midtown [ or whatever the school’s name is. it’s almost 4am i can’t be asked to make sense right now ] were also dusted or they were just all held back? i dunno. i guess sony still wants to make high school spidey movies and marvel proper only gets to borrow him on occasion, but i feel like that was jsut a bad call on everyone’s part? but i guess that also means we get to keep spidey’s diverse supporting cast in far from home, so like, can’t really be that pressed.

just to end on a high note while i don’t think that captain marvel played quite as big a role in endgame as she was hyped to and i do think you can enjoy the movie without having seen her solo adventure, she was a delight to see on screen. and the outfit she wore to tony’s funeral, like talk about an icon. cate blanchett’s whole gig has been snactched away.

also the lowkey aforce tease during the movie’s third act battle sequence was a+

wanda getting her revenge on thanos was also a+, but i also think this confirms that wandavision will be set pre infinity war as the mind stone that kept vision alive only exists before the events of this movie and she was still mourning him at tony’s funeral.

oh, and i did appreciation the clever way they brought back gamora.

[afteriwake]

An Unexpected Surprise...But A Pleasant One (5/5) (A “Just Pieces On The Board” Story)

So yes, this was going to be a WIPBB fic, but I had been asked to update it and it just seemed to me that this was a good chapter to end it on. I know people are going to want to see the family dinner so I’ll probably write that as a separate fic (with some Avengers cameos), but this is the end of this one. So please, I hope all of you (and especially @strangelock221b) enjoy it!

An Unexpected Surprise...But A Pleasant One - Tony had expected maybe some more siblings or other relatives to show up when he allowed his DNA testing results to be made public. But a son? That was unexpected...but not entirely unwelcome, in the end.

READ CHAPTER 1 | READ CHAPTER 5 | HELP ME SURVIVE? | COMMISSION ME? | BUY ME A KOFI?

He tended to drive himself more often than he probably should with a chauffeur, but while Happy was a good driver, one of the best, there were times he just felt safer with the important people in a car with him if he was behind the wheel. It probably had something to do with the accident his parents had been in, which now he knew more of the truth about and how it wasn’t so much an accident as an assassination, but growing up and thinking it was an accident...it might have messed him up a bit.

And today he was getting his son, and there probably wasn’t anybody who would ever be as important in his car aside from Pepper and any children they might have, so yeah, today he was driving.

Peter Parker apparently lived in Queens, and it was a nice drive for a change to get there from Manhattan. He had no idea what they’d so today, aside from dinner with Pepper later if Peter wanted to, but still, his nerves were threatening to overwhelm him. Molly and Sharon had both given him heaps of encouragement and some well-intentioned hugs, and he had to admit it helped a bit, but still. This was his kid and he’d missed fifteen years of Peter’s life. Not on his own accord, obviously, but it was still a shock.

Pepper had handed him a small bouquet of irises for Peter’s aunt, and he held them as he knocked on the door of the apartment. He expected her to answer, but the door opened and there was Peter, a wide grin on his face. “Oh my God, you showed up.”

“Peter!” he heard a woman call from behind. “You remember, foot in mouth, right?”

That caused Tony to crack a smile and he relaxed a bit. If nothing else, the aunt was a good influence on Peter, as he looked slightly abashed. “Sorry. I mean, I thought, and Ned thought too, you’d send someone for me. That’s what I meant.”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Tony said when a woman who was older than Peter, closer to his own age but still young looking, came up behind Peter. “You must be May Parker.”

“I am,” she said with a smile before pointing to the flowers. “Those are for me?”

“They are,” Tony said, handing them to her. “My...fiancee thought you might appreciate them.”

“She’s a smart woman,” May said. “I love purple.” She pulled Peter gently from the middle of the doorway. “Come on in, Mr. Stark.”

“Tony, please,” he said, walking in. The apartment looked comfortable, and it was very obvious it was home to the two of them. He wondered more about how long Peter had been there and living with his aunt as opposed to his parents, but he didn’t feel this was the time to ask. “Nice place.”

“Not as nice as Avengers Tower,” Peter said. “That place is...wow. I mean, wow wow.”

“School trip there to the labs,” May said. “Peter was quite impressed.”

“Well, you can probably get a tour of the upper floors at some point,” Tony said. “Not all the Avengers are here right now, but the ones who are are curious to meet you, as are your cousins.” He paused. “When you want to. If you want to, I mean.”

“I’ve got cousins?” Peter asked, his eyes widening a bit.

“Yeah, Sharon and Molly. They’re older, but Sharon works for the FBI and Molly is the head of the London S.H.I.E.L.D. office. Molly has a husband, Sherlock.”

This time it was May’s eyes that got wide. “Wait a sec. Molly Holmes is your niece? Peter’s cousin?” She seemed to get excited. “I’m tangentially related to Sherlock Holmes. Oh my God, this is the best day of my life, aside from my wedding day.”

Tony chuckled. “I take it you’re a fan of John Watson’s blog?”

“Yeah, a bit,” May said, tempering down her enthusiasm. “He’s brilliant. Both of them. I mean, Sherlock and John.”

“Well, Molly and Sherlock are staying with me for a while. Maybe permanently,” Tony said. “If you want, Mrs. Parker, you can join us for dinner tonight?”

“Yeah, Aunt May!” Peter said. Then he turned to Tony. “Can the Avengers come too?”

“Well, maybe later for them, but I can ask Sharon, Molly, and Sherlock to join us,” Tony said.

“And Ms. Potts?” Peter asked. “She sounded nice.”

“I don’t think Pepper would mind at all,” Tony said with a grin. “So after we figure out what we want to do today, we can head tot he Tower and you can meet the extended family.” He felt more relaxed than he had about the whole situation now. “Maybe you can show me around the neighborhood?”

“I’d like that,” Peter said. “Can Ned come with us?”

“His best friend and one of your biggest fans,” May said, leaning in towards Tony.

“Sure,” Tony said with a nod. “You guys show me a good pizza place in the area, we can get lunch. I haven’t eaten yet.”

“Nerves?” Peter asked. Tony nodded. “Yeah, I had ‘em too. Pizza sounds good, and I know just the place. Let me go call him.” Peter dashed to another part of the apartment, leaving May and Tony alone.

“I’m sorry it’s all just...a bit much,” Tony said.

May waved her free hand. “I was going to have a talk with him about it anyway. His mother never knew for sure who Peter’s father was because he took after her more than either of you and he had a compatible blood type with Richard. Mary didn’t tell me until just before she died, just in case. It was like she knew it was coming.”

“The Towers?” he asked gently.

May nodded. “Peter was just a baby, so he has no memory of them. It was just me and Ben, and now it’s just me. But we do okay. With you in the picture...maybe it will help a bit. He needs a father figure, and I doubt there’s anyone better than a biological father.”

“I’m sure there are better,” Tony said, being more humble than he’d been in ages, “but I’ll try my best.”

“That’s all you can do,” May said, laying a hand on his shoulder sympathetically and then squeezing. “Let me go get these into water and then I can figure out what to wear to meet you’re...”

“Nephew-in-law,” Tony said with a soft smile. “I get the feeling everyone is going to like you and Peter.”

“I hope so,” she said. “As long as you all are planning to stick around, it’ll be worth it to be liked.”

“Trust me, I’m not going anywhere,” he said with a wider grin as Peter came out on his cell phone, talking excitedly and gesturing with his free hand. This wasn’t what he’d expected, or even ever really hoped for, but he found that maybe, this was what he’d needed all along. He just hoped he did right by the others who had been in Peter’s life before him.

[fathercharlesoffdensen]

The head meds kicked in, but I had some time yet before work to knock this out, sry not sry.

Thor: Ragnarok's particular brand of humor does not, in fact, belittle or go out of its way to disrespect the apparently sacred ground of the stodgier parts of the MCU, but rather underscores their emotional importance by showcasing the characters dealing with them years down the road in a notably healthy way, at least compared to how they did so previously in canon. This is my thesis statement.

On principle, I cannot make everyone in Thor fandom see that Loki yearns for his relationship with Thor and even the rest of his family to be harmonious, and that, at least in movie canon (your mileage may vary, comics King Loki, you crazy leotarded bastard), or convince Marvel that it's actually a boon for Tom Hiddleston to infuse Loki's facial expressions with sincere emotional resonance when it comes to reacting to the idea that, in spite of their differences and Odin's terrible fucking parenting, he still loves his adopted brood, as opposed to characterizing him as a vaguely sympathetic Magneto-Joker hybrid and discarding him once he's no longer important to the plot. But uh, both of these things are a Thing.

I also can't expect that there aren't pockets of honkey-heavy (I include myself in this demographic; 'Crocs, mac 'n' cheese, glamping,' see? I am one of you) MCU fanon that aren't racist or least culturally insensitive and/or flat-out stupid, and that that also influences the small hard-on some people have for hating Ragnarok. I can say that if your main argument is bristling that Taika Waititi just doesn't ~~understand~~ Loki the same way Whedon and company do because Spike 2.0 doesn't translate well into the monolithic Maori New Zealandian he's-not-White-and-I-am-uncomfortable-about-that-guys dialect, you probably have some soul-searching to do. If you can’t find it, a gently used one from eBay will probably work just as well.

So anyway, Ragnarok, lemme walk you through it. There are a number of occasions where the film references its predecessors in humorous ways, and it is common for the aforementioned sliver of Thor fandom to be crotchety about it because I guess comedy does not, in fact, equal tragedy plus time. (Hot take: It does.) I posit in spite of all the whining that each reference to Thor 1 and/or 2 and/or the Avengers flicks in Ragnarok serves a specific purpose that, super weirdsies, probably doesn't involve Taika Waititi putting a 'kick me' sign on Tom Hiddleston's back and then turning on a camera. Also, I personally liked 'em, because things are too fucking serious sometimes and it's nice to laugh. But! Here they are, in all of their glory:

1. Loki's summer stock theatre: Loki has gone out of his way to cast appropriate actors whose portrayals of his family and friend(s) are a direct insight into how Loki himself views them all. Sif is overly feminine and useless, because Loki's a bit of a sexist as a defense mechanism for his own masculinity and 'feminine' interests/mannerisms being scorned for like 1,500 years, and is probably also still miffed that that pesky spelling Sif's hair to stay dark after he snuck into her bedroom and cut it off in comics canon MORE THAN ONCE thing did not, in fact, make Thor stop hanging out with her because it made Loki the prettiest maiden by default. Volstagg is Fat. Hogun is pretty accurate, because even Loki knows better than to fuck with Hogun too much. Liam Hemsworth parodying his brother's take on Thor is the most meta fucking thing I've ever seen, with the possible exception that Matt Damon might have his cameo as Loki because he also played Loki in Kevin Smith's Dogma way back when (though I can't substantiate this alas).

Perhaps most telling, Odin makes sweeping overtures in Loki's play about his being the savior of Asgard, the son he wishes he'd appreciated before he made his noble sacrifice, etc. This is a kind and noble portrayal of his adopted father, one which Loki has had time to come around to because he has had time to get to know Odin and the Asgardian citizens in a way he previously couldn't, post-Dark World, and it has matured and humbled him. Even so, his longing facial expressions when Odin matter-of-factly says he loves him and is proud of his magical abilities and reminds him of Frigga are an incredible epilogue to The Tragedy of Loki of Asgard, because finally, art has imitated life in a way that has showcased both Loki's and Odin's maturity. What Loki's play doesn't do is make light of Loki dying/'dying.' The humorous portrayal of everyone is proof that Loki himself has used both humor and theatre as a coping mechanism. This isn't someone who was gleeful to usurp Odin so he could have a run at 'conquering' Asgard. Bereft of prophetic insights from Heimdall or fate or what have you that Thor has at his disposal, and needing to not make too many waves, lest Thanos figures out where he's hiding, Loki spent most of his time as a hands-off 'ruler of the Realms, with the possible exception of small improvements on-planet, like putting railings on the fucking Rainbow Bridge because someone could fall off that thing, Heimdall.

Even Thor's accusation that he mostly sat around "in your bathrobe, eating grapes" is probably 50 percent not fully appreciating Loki's approach to Kingship and the other half goading him because he knew he was going to find Loki pretending to be their dad the second Surtur gloated that Odin wasn't on Asgard anymore. He wasn't really interested in ruling all along, in spite of being brainwashed/tortured into attempting it by Thanos; he said as much as far back as in Thor 2011 ("I never wanted the throne; I only wanted to be your equal"). Again, Loki was never portrayed in the movie 'verse as being a dyed-in-the-wool villain, and by Ragnarok, he's a young man/demigod just trying to figure out his place in everything; which arguably, Thor is doing as well, albeit in the form of taking a gap year or two from college to pal around with his friends on an extended road trip. TL;DR: Loki inadvertently spends a couple of years cooling off and growing up, and the result is a significantly healthier being who can laugh at himself because he's had the opportunity to finally sit down and put things into perspective. This brings me to my next point; this is a transition sentence.

2. Someone fell off that thing, Heimdall: If you aren't already mad giggling when you realize Loki has been in the room with Thor on Sakaar for several minutes and even in the scene, albeit blurry, without either of them noticing, I entreat you to appreciate that a bit. Okay.

Once again, Loki telling the story of his suicide attempt at the end of Thor 2011 as less a tragic, spur of the moment action brought about by his grief and inability to see the rift between himself and his family mending any time soon, and more of a pre-planned risk he took good-naturedly the way a self-referred adrenaline junkie might talk about going cliff diving or some such showcases another common defense mechanism of his: Adaptation. Loki is something of a chameleon even before taking his actual shape-shifting abilities into account. He's also an opportunist: If jumping aboard a new ship mid-battle because the odds of survival appear much greater, he has few moral qualms about doing so, and/or an intense desire to Just Survive that overshadows everything else. (Most of the time, anyway.) In a kinder understanding of his talented, lying silvertongue than Thor and Sif and the Warriors 3 seem to have, as well, Loki has a knack for selling his actions by way of pretending they were what he planned to do all along. This is the pathos behind his retelling of his near-suicide to a group of admiring onlookers. Loki has learned from his time as Odin what it is to take up the mantle of, as Hela sneers, "goblets and garden parties," and it inadvertently primes him to get along really well on Sakaar. Now that he, too, is away at college for the first time, Loki is unburdened by all the embarrassing shit everyone on Asgard knows about, and he uses it to craft an idealized version of himself for the sake of having a good story to tell at a party. This doesn't mean Taika Waititi is making light of Loki's near-death experiences: He absolutely expected to die in the 2011 film, and, I strongly argue, in 2012, this was also the case. After being pumped full of so much of Thanos' magic and power over the years probably was the only thing that kept him from dying from his wounds after taking a giant fucking sword through the chest, Loki woke up, looked around, surprised, and then made the situation work for him.

(I started rambling about how Odin's reluctance to not immediately come home once he broke free of Loki's spell [because he and Frigga had missed a lot of Odin Sex Nights aka Wednesdays and/or Heimdall warned him or something that destiny needed to take its course and that course was just letting Loki deal with all the board room meetings about how much Asgard spends monthly on booze while he ate pudding and lorded over the nursing home TV on Earth and that seemed way easier than having to listen to Loki whine about how much he hates prison all over again] and/or how obvious Loki's body movements are even in his Odin form meant that probably at least 75% of Asgard knew he wasn't fucking Odin the second they saw him also ties into the theme of everyone in the family kind of learning to get over themselves is apparent in even more subtle ways, but uh, this was the main gist of it. Sorry/you're welcome.)

3. "Mblergh, it's me!" I know The Snake Story wasn't movie canon before Ragnarok (though "that time I turned you into a frog" has been portrayed in other versions of Thor and Loki's relationship and it's fucking great in every one of them), but it, too, is evidential of the Brodinsons' mutual ability to allow time to help them reframe painful memories of the past with additional insight and a sense of humor; because again, it's fucking funny. Sorry you hate brown directors and having the replica of Loki's Avengers sceptre your mom bought you at Hot Topic in 2012 crammed up your ass so much that you can't see the forest for the trees, though.

Concluding paragraph: Thor: Ragnarok is up there for me with X-Men: First Class and Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith as being superhero movies with colons in the name and the backing of a ridiculously attractive bromance that have taken over large swaths of my overall fandom experience over the years and I am extremely fond of it on the basis of that alone, but also it's the most in-character and positive portrayal of Loki that we could have gotten from a movie 'verse whose big-wigs are otherwise largely apathetic to him, and people should probably be sending Taika Waititi like fruit baskets or something for it rather than angry missives on Twitter because we don't deserve him, and yet, there is he is anyways. Final thought: I have to believe he would appreciate Tom Hiddleston's emo vampire from Only Lovers Left Alive being brought into his own What We Do in the Shadows canon and Adam hating every God damned second of it and that they would talk about it over another bowl of pasta before talking about their plans for Thor 4, aka why don't we just do a mocumentary of the behind the scenes of Loki's theatrical productions (lots of Norse myths brought to life in increasingly inappropriate ways on stage) and idk you and Hemsworth can kiss or something at the end and Jeff Goldblum can be there doing whatever the fuck he wants, and then they high five.

Work Cited: I reblogged a post earlier today of a 99% legitimately solid argument that Loki didn't fake his demise at the end of either of the first two Thor movies, and a piece of it nonetheless got stuck in my craw. OP is probably good enough people, whereas I am merely a crabby fandom bitch who would look nicer if I wasn't so fat and would smile more. Bow following standing ovation slash a handful of death threats on social media. I gotta get ready for work now. L8r world, smell my ass!

[davidmann95]

What are your thoughts on Infinity War and do you think the portrayal of Thanos is gonna make it harder for DC to do Darkseid in a future move due to comparisons?

Extended disconnected musings below the cut because world-shaking spoilers fucking obviously, but for the section of my audience that hasn’t seen it yet but is fine with simply seeing my immediate reaction and placement of it: it’s so very good, y’all. Hype as modern blockbuster filmmaking gets. Not a top-5 MCU flick (which is a credit to the MCU, not in any way a ding against this), but if you only count the Avengers movies that actually have “Avengers” in the title, this is definitely the best of that lot.

* I had been, while not concerned per say, very curious how the Captain America team would handle this - the writers might have been there from the beginning and done some pretty bombastic pulpy action in the first Cap movie, but the Russo Brothers had been entirely on the grounded side of the franchise, even doing the relatively grounded Avengers movie in Civil War - given this would be the most cosmic and superheroey of the bunch, and they acquitted themselves magnificently in every way imaginable. It’s big, it’s funny, it’s ballsy, it’s engaging, it’s fun, it’s weighty as hell, it’s emotional, it’s the gold standard of this sort of thing. I have no idea what they’ll do if they ever stop doing Avengers movies, because at this point the sky is the absolute limit for them.

* I know people have already inevitably been complaining about this being dependent on previous movies for continuity and character, to which I say

1. Fuck you, this is the sequel to a once-in-a-generation filmmaking blockbuster that completely changed the game, of course you’re going to know who the goddamn Avengers are, most especially if you’re going to see this movie. Don’t act like you’re that cool. You’re not that fuckin’ cool.

2. This may not have been a movie of character development, but it’s by no means a movie short on character. It’s very much in the vein of Grant Morrison’s JLA, in that it banks on familiarity and iconography not to change our understanding of these characters, but to do the most conspicuously *them* moments possible. Captain America might be a minor presence, but he’s Captain America as heck in this, and so forth.

3. This only banks on you having seen the first Avengers. Banner is our entrypoint character because he himself doesn’t know what’s going on so the Avengers breakup can be recapped in broad terms, the initial conflict you don’t really have to know about Ragnarok to understand (they could’ve been fleeing Thanos destroying Asgard for all a casual viewer would know), Spider-Man’s role is obvious even aside from him being a cultural icon, Panther is Cap’s secret ally the rest of the team barely knows about so and Wakanda are broadly understood, and the Guardians and Strange are reintroduced. Strange you immediately know all you need: Wong defers to him so he’s clearly a big deal, but he’s also still telling him things about magic - even if jokingly - so clearly Strange is not the most seasoned veteran and hasn’t been in this hidden mystic world forever. The Guardians are space bozos, and based on Star-Lord’s manchild nature and 80s nostalgia and lack of familiarity with the Avengers you can guess he hasn’t been to Earth in a long time even if he clearly hails from there.

* Thanos was…good? Though I would have yelled “BULLSHIT!” at my monitor when I saw Starlin declared Thanos in an interview to be exactly as he had always envisioned him had I seen this at the time, because this is very much from the Slade-in-Teen-Titans “scrap everything, and it’ll wind up better because there’s nowhere to go but up” school of villainous improvement. But seriously, while surely people will write eye-rolling thinkpieces on his nature and goals, he’s a proper vile bastard of the sort we haven’t quite gotten in these movies before that more than justifies his place after 6 years of buildup, with humanity to spare keeping him from being a caricature; it should avoid Darkseid comparisons quite deftly (and vice-versa), even if none of what made this work can translate back into the comics. And as much as the sidekick baddies might have been traditional uncanny-valley CG, this guy might be the most amazing effect I’ve ever seen in a blockbuster: I totally bought this was a real flesh-and-blood living being existing in recognizable 3-dimensional space whenever they zoomed in on his expressions. And more importantly, they acknowledged he has a nutsack for a chin.

* Speaking of effects, that’s how you do a fuckin’ magic fight!

* And speaking of villains: SKULL. What a payoff, and I sure hope he stays and fills the role Mephisto did in the original Infinity Gauntlet as Thanos’s right hand man, because I want to see him face down with Steve as Captain America one more time. In a very different movie/s, I could have seen him seizing the Gauntlet and promising Thanos he too will wipe out half the universe, but much less indiscriminately, with the great tyrant dying with the ultimate monstrosity his endeavor has brought about evident to him at last. And then you’d have the ultimate Nazi as the final boss, since not only are he and Cap enemies, but he battled Iron Man’s dad, was well-versed in Asgardian mythology and stole one of Odin’s treasures, and is like Hulk a failed Super Soldier. What we got should be pretty good too though. Fingers crossed he at least sticks around to menace Bucky and Sam once one of them takes over as Cap.

* Outside the villain, boy, who would have expected Thor would basically be the closest thing to a main character of this movie? I guess Marvel rightly expected Ragnarok would be fire, and knowing that he’ll now be the major remaining original Avenger, are trying to build him up in double-quick time. And with only half of Asgard gone, they can keep the setup Waititi provided after this (even if I wish they hadn’t brought back his eye. I’m not worried for him personally though; his godly constitution should be more than capable of resisting mere alien raccoon ass germs). And given Ultron was the Iron Man-centric flick and Civil War was literally a Captain America movie, it feels fair they gave this to the third member of the core trio. By contrast, I’m not sure whether Black Panther was too late for them to account properly for him, or they did know, and that’s why the final action was set in Wakanda even though it’s relatively irrelevant.

* The characters getting to bounce off each other was much of the heart of this, and while Downey vs. Cumberbatch was totally reasonable - I wish Strange and Spidey had more time together as promised as fellow Ditko creations, but doing Sherlock vs. Holmes makes sense, with “Do you concur, Doctor?” almost feeling deliberately evocative - I never would have expected Thor and Star-Lord to be the standout comedic pairing. And yet, as Drax put it, it entirely makes sense: “He is not a dude. You are a dude. He is a man.”

* What most leapt out at me as signalling this is the post-Trump movie relative to Civil War’s summer 2016 blockbuster? There, the question of whether or not the government can be trusted is the inciting incident that drives everything. Here, that the government is actively working against the right thing is so plain that Rhodes - who had previously said his critical injuries were more than worth standing up for the Accords, so passionately did he believe in all they stood for - immediately, casually acknowledges that the entire thing is fucked and bails with no fanfare, and that’s the end of it.

* I’d expected this to be an all-out invasion flick and so had been disappointed no Defenders or whatnot would at least cameo, but as it really turned out I’m not surprised there wasn’t a place for Daredevil to stick his horns in. And despite assurances, no Hawkeye! I’m sure as many as 5 or 6 people were quite disappointed.

* Betting pool on who’s actually dead? Obviously everyone vanished will be okay, but the others? Gamorra looks pretty stiffed, but she seems a safe bet to return. Vision’s end felt gruesomely final, but they put so much effort into implying he might be able to survive without the stone, and now they have a seminal story to draw on for a potential solo movie of his. Loki, I think, is most likely to remain in the ground. A last-minute return and final prank against Thanos wouldn’t be out of place for him by any means, but his character has come full circle, and I think it’s more likely that if he returns it’ll be as Kid Loki.

* Speaking of the vanishing, I really appreciate the thought that clearly went into who was taken off the board. The castoffs either really had nothing to do with the Thanos conflict, even and indeed especially if they were big for maximum shock value (Black Panther, Spider-Man, White Wolf, Falcon, Mantis), or DID have something to do with Thanos but whose arcs in terms of physical confrontations with him reached their logical climaxes (Star-Lord vented regarding their shared relationship to Gamorra, Drax tried and failed as he was always going to because that one-sided hate he wanted fulfilled isn’t as much at the core of his character as Gamorra’s relationship with Thanos is). Or in Strange’s specific case, the enigmatic type with an ace up his sleeve who could logically leave a final mystery and hope for others to have to rely on. And as a whole, it means the final OG Avengers movie ISN’T going to be an even bigger crossover movie than this the way we thought. This, for the MCU’s 10th anniversary, was the big crossover movie. The last Avengers movie as we’ve known it up to that point is mostly just going to be the founders (plus Captain Marvel, a mandatory Wakandan representative or two, and Rhody since he’s the other hero who was introduced in Phase One) getting one last hurrah. And it makes sense to go with that smaller cast, because they’ll want space to really zero in on Steve and Tony before they go, and since going at Thanos head-on is no longer an option, there’s not really going to be an opportunity for the same kind of massive super-war we got in here anyway, because then he’d simply de-create them.

* Steve and Tony are going to die, and going into pure fanfic, I think I know how it’ll happen. Steve will get the Gauntlet, and it’ll kill him to use it, but in an homage to the climax of Kree-Skrull War, he’ll use his last breath to not only revive everyone, but bring together an army of superheroes to defeat a depowered Thanos once and for all (Gamora or maybe Nebula almost certainly striking the final blow), raising his returned shield high, exchanging a last look with Bucky, and finally crying out “AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!” And Tony? Tony is going to knowingly walk to death in a doomed fight against Thanos as a distraction to give Steve that chance, becoming the guy who lays down on the wire and lets someone else crawl over him. It not only reaffirms his partnership with Steve and the idea behind the original Avengers just as both die, but brings his character arc totally full circle: he faces down the embodiment of his nightmares, and after having lived as the ultimate egotist, he dies as the man who sacrifices himself so someone else can secure the win. And Thanos was I believe introduced in an Iron Man comic, so that aspect’s pretty appropriate too.

* Jackson finally almost got to say motherfucker in one of these! And that’s the second Marvel movie with a character nearly saying fuck. Take the leap Disney, I believe in you. And much as that last shot in the stinger was neat, and much as this alternative would have been literally impossible, how much cooler would it have been if that screen had shown a “4″?

* My #4 title prediction? Avengers: The End. There was a big Thanos story by Starlin titled Marvel: The End where he destroys everything but ultimately turns it back, and that’d be both ominous enough to fit the warning that we should be scared of this title, and spiritually truthful. And since the Spider-Man movie right afterwards will according to Feige mark the start of the new MCU, they can title that Spider-Man: Brand New Day in accordance with said new beginning.

* Post-all this? It’ll be awhile yet before the Fantastic Four and X-Men come on stage, so ‘Phase 4′ will basically have to stall until they can bring in Doom to be the true final boss before the inevitable reboot a decade or so down the line. Spider-Man’s the new lead (hence the Iron Spider armor, which in Homecoming seemed deliberately to be overly gaudy as Tony’s vision of a Spidey remade in his image but now seems an indicating as his leading man status, the red/yellow/blue color scheme marking him as Peak Superhero) along with Panther, Captain Marvel, and likely Thor as the old standby. The Avengers likely disband for a bit due to losing the core and break up into different teams - your Ultimates, Champions, Young Avengers, etc. - before coming back together in New Avengers, managing to make the Avengers movie after the next one an event by making it about the reformation. Osborn leading the Cabal’s the big bad; he’s the leading man’s leading villain, he has the pedigree thanks to Dark Reign while still being able to put on a Goblin suit at the end, he lets them do the inevitable “all the bad guys get together to fight the Avengers” story, and while it might not work as well as it would have post-BvS pre-Justice League, using Sentry/the Void - a compromised, frightening, unsure, ‘realistic’ Superman figure - as his muscle and the true threat would be hella charged at the moment in a way I could see the MCU being cocky enough to go for, even if they never outright do Avengers V Squadron Supreme.

That’s what I got. As the god of thunder would say, farewell and good luck, morons.

[briangroth27]

Avengers Infinity War Review

I went into Avengers: Infinity War completely bored with the drawn-out Infinity Stones plot (it’s been going on for 6 or 7 years—since First Avenger or Avengers—depending on how you want to call it and Guardians of the Galaxy devalued the Stones by calling them meaningless McGuffins), uninterested in Thanos (Josh Brolin) as a villain, and not at all ready to say goodbye to original Avengers like Captain America (Chris Evans) and Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson). However, the movie definitely dispelled the vast majority of my doubts! It was very well-made, expertly wove a huge amount of characters together, and absolutely felt like an epic event movie. That said, while I didn't dislike it by any means, there also weren't any moments that really wowed me; I liked it a lot, but didn’t love it.

However, it’s obvious the creators did. It’s clear this movie isn’t a cash grab, but a celebration of the universe Kevin Feige and his numerous writers, directors, and actors have crafted over the past 10 years (which is a bit odd to say, given this movie gets dark). Infinity War never feels cynical or forgets to treat its heroes as heroes, despite their imperfections. Gone are the days of severe hero infighting; when a universe-threatening enemy shows up, everyone puts their differences aside to save the day (even if they bicker from time to time). I love that writers Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely changed the source material (Infinity Gauntlet) to make the Avengers the main characters out to stop Thanos instead of cosmic characters we haven’t met in the movies. It would’ve been extremely disappointing to have an entirely new group of characters come out of nowhere to steal our heroes’ thunder. Script-wise, this movie feels like meeting old friends again, as the writers captured the various heroes' voices well. While less-skilled writers might have washed out nuances between characters due to the similarity of trademark MCU snark, everyone still felt distinct here and there were plenty of standout comedy moments balancing the dramatic beats perfectly. Even though I haven’t previously been invested in some of these characters, everyone came off as likable. I do wish we’d gotten more character moments out of more of the heroes: all of them (somewhat necessarily, given the scope) come in as we left them in their last adventure, even though for about half of them, two years (or more, in the case of the Guardians) have passed since we last saw them. This lack of development wouldn’t be as much a problem for me if there were more solo films coming, but given we know whose contracts are expiring, it seems several Avengers have run their course in the MCU and are leaving interesting stories on the table. I have no problem with a universe-threatening villain in a sprawling adventure, but given the choice between that and digging into the characters more, I’d prefer solo films. Still, there’s only so much screentime the acting was strong across the board; even when the script didn’t give some actors a lot to work with, they were able to play to their characters’ iconic true north really well. The writers and the Russo Brothers brought everyone together seamlessly, creating several fun new dynamics. Tony (Robert Downey, Jr.), Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch), and Star-Lord’s (Chris Pratt) similar attitudes irked each other perfectly while Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Rocket (Bradley Cooper), and Teen Groot (Vin Diesel) came together organically and Captain America’s crew mixing with the heroes of Wakanda felt totally natural.

Full Spoilers...

There are a lot of character beats I loved. Black Widow consistently being the deadliest of the Avengers was great (and I’d love to see these skills put to the test as her enemies come after her in a solo film, allowing her to finally clear her Red Ledger), and her kickass team-up with Okoye (Danai Gurira) and Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) was a great (if brief) showcase of the MCU’s heroic women. Likewise, I loved that Shuri (Letitia Wright) was the obvious person to turn to when it came to super-science, and her reaction to Stark and Banner’s (Mark Ruffalo) construction of Vision (Paul Bettany) made it absolutely clear that her tech abilities far outstrip theirs. I’ll take any Shuri appearance I can get and I wonder if she'll get to be the Black Panther in her brother's (Chadwick Boseman) absence like in the comics. I do wish she could’ve met Peter Parker (Tom Holland) and that they could’ve become science besties. Spidey’s enthusiasm for superheroics and his drive to protect his neighborhood was a breath of fresh air, particularly when played against the more cynical characters. I do think his willingness to come up with a plan to kill a villain was a little alarming morally, but otherwise I love his youthful energy. I wish we could’ve seen the fallout of Aunt May (Marisa Tomei) discovering Peter is Spider-man at the end of Homecoming as part of Peter’s introduction here, because that certainly needs to be dealt with onscreen. Maybe he could’ve finally said “with great power comes great responsibility” and mentioned Ben in that moment, which would also fuel his decision not to leave when Tony tells him to get off the ship. I get the urgency of giving Peter the Iron Spider suit (which looks much better than in the comics), but I was kinda bummed that we’re yet again having Tony hand all these toys to Peter instead of Peter developing them himself (I prefer a self-sufficient Spidey using homemade tech). Speaking of Tony, it was great to see him come up against egos as big as his, particularly when Star-Lord threw his plan away outright and came up with a better one. His reaction to Strange’s magic was what you’d expect from Stark encountering the supernatural and I wish they’d had time to dig into a science/mysticism dichotomy between them a bit more. Tony’s arc of telling Pepper (Gwyneth Paltrow) about wanting to have kids to losing his surrogate son Peter at the end was much more emotional than the “last man standing” fear vision he had in Age of Ultron. I thought his reluctance to call Steve as the crisis started was a fine—if underwhelming—continuation of their rift from Civil War, though I think it’s worth noting that he kept the flip phone on him for use at a moment’s notice (even if he didn’t end up calling Rogers personally).

Steve's "We don't trade lives" is a great motto and, like others have noted, it’s the answer to Thanos’ argument. I just hope it's not reversed in the next installment by the original Avengers sacrificing themselves for Thanos' victims. I also liked that they dealt with the potential dissonance with Cap sacrificing himself at the end of First Avenger, though Banner's justification was essentially that Steve didn't have a choice. I worry that Cap and the others will be forced into a place where they don't have a choice in Avengers 4. It would’ve been nice to dig into Cap’s thoughts on having become a nomadic vigilante after the events of Civil War and to at least hear what he and his crew have been facing in that time. I’m glad he hasn’t lost his upstanding personality, but he, Nat, and Sam (Anthony Mackie) don’t seem very changed by their time on the run, which felt like a missed opportunity: you’d think losing the Avengers’ insulation would be the perfect time to expose Steve to how the common people’s ideals and dreams have changed, which would be a fantastic conflict for him. I really wish we were getting one more solo Cap film to deal with just that: are his ideals outdated? What kind of symbol does America want now, and does he need to remind us of what we should be aiming for? What of citizens who spout hate and call it patriotism? Maybe they can persuade Evans to come back for a Logan-scale solo film set before Infinity War to explore this kind of thing. Still, it was good to see Steve and Bucky (Sebastian Stan) reunite, but I wish we (and Rogers) had gotten an idea of Bucky's newfound peace. I like the idea of Bucky finding his place as White Wolf in Wakanda instead of taking over as Captain America, so some idea of what he's been doing beyond recovering would've been nice. I wish that Cap's other bestie, Sam, had gotten more than an extended cameo here; at the very least, both he and Rhodey (Don Cheadle) should've have something to say upon seeing Wakanda for the first time (as pointed out here). I guess the writers wanted to focus on the characters who'd be vanishing so their loss would hit harder—and the original heroes are said to get the spotlight in the next film before we say goodbye—but small moments like that would've added a lot (especially as Sam vanished). However, I was glad to hear Rhodey had turned on the Sokovia Accords in the time since Civil War; it seems all the heroes on Tony’s side have realized how bad an idea it is, which is a nice vindication for Cap (Spidey hasn't signed or commented on them at all, perhaps because he's a minor and isn't thinking about the big picture).

It would've been nice to see more of how Wakanda had begun opening itself to the world beyond staging the final battle there. Does T’Challa have a specific plan for his outreach centers? Okoye's comment about imagining Wakanda taking part in the Olympics or getting a Starbucks was funny, but I wanted more. More pointedly, how do the people view T'Challa's decision? Is there any dissension, especially when his choice immediately brings a war to their doorstep? I really would’ve liked to see T’Challa convincing the people to take on this struggle (at the very least, Black Panther 2 needs to discuss this). If nothing else, his role as King could’ve made him a starker contrast to the other heroes. It seems T’Challa and Cap’s strategy held off Thanos’ forces long enough for Shuri to copy Vision’s AI, so even though his body was destroyed he could come back though honestly I'm not sure he's necessary. I don't really get Vision, so it could just be me, but his story seems to have come to an end. I appreciate that he isn't written like a cliché robot seeking humanity (or seeking to eliminate it), but his purely analytical outlook from Age of Ultron and Civil War seems to have largely faded, he isn't protecting the world like Stark created him to at all (as a friend of mine pointed out), he seems potentially too powerful to fully use his abilities, and I don't really see what he adds to the overall universe at this point. I do buy his love for Wanda (and hers for him) as well as their connection over the mysteriousness of their origins, though. Given all she's been through and the incident that sparked the Sokovia Accords, I don't blame Wanda for wanting a normal life with Vision. However, it would've been nice to get a glimpse of her view on the world post-Civil War and how she felt about being tied to a cosmic force like the Infinity Stones that already mutated her and her brother and now threatened her love. I liked the twist that Wanda could destroy the Mind Stone since it was used to create her powers and that she was perhaps the most powerful Avenger. One of the other most powerful, Hulk, got an unexpected arc that didn't fully land for me. I'm all for Hulk having his own character development, but if his refusal to show himself really was fear after his beating from Thanos (as fans have speculated), that wasn't clear. Instead, it felt like they played Banner's inability to transform as a joke. I was also underwhelmed by the moment touching on the Bruce/Nat relationship. I'm not a fan of that relationship in general—she doesn't need to date anyone, but if she were going to, she and Cap had the best chemistry and "opposites attract" spark—but this is what we've got and they need to deal with it. The awkwardness of their reunion didn't cut it for me.

As far as reunions go, it was a bummer that Thor and Loki’s (Tom HIddleston) peace after Ragnarok was immediately cut short here. While I felt it was time for Loki’s death—too many wishy-washy alliances and betrayals over the years wore out his welcome for me and Ragnarok established that he was aiming to be a lazy king, defanging his villainy—I’m glad he finished his arc and found real peace with Thor. I thought telling Thanos to kill his brother felt a little off at first, but I suppose making it seem like he’d put up a fight to keep the Tesseract was part of his elaborate plan to try to kill Thanos (as was bringing up that he’d worked for him before). It was also a little disappointing that the Asgardians took another huge hit to their population here and are apparently just left floating in space. I certainly hope Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) survived and can join the fight to get revenge on Thanos; losing so many of her people again has got to have an impact and I'd love to see the lessons about heroism Thor imparted to her inspire her to stand up rather than run away this time. Maybe she could become something of a queen of Asgard and lead the survivors to a new home! Even beyond losing half of his people, Thor going over all the family and friends he’d lost with Rocket was a somber moment and Rocket’s attempts at consolation were a nice gesture. I felt like Infinity War found a perfect balance of Thor’s humorous and serious sides, and I hope it sticks around. The bond Thor and Rocket developed was a highlight of the film, even if their quest to get Thor a new weapon a movie after establishing he didn’t need one was a little odd (as others have noted). I can’t wait to see how Rocket grows after losing all his family, especially now that we know Teen Groot’s last word to him was “Dad…” That’s heartbreaking! Moody Teen Groot was a very entertaining addition to the Guardians and they got a lot of mileage out of making the Guardians his “parents.” Mantis (Pom Klementieff) is another strong addition who gelled well with the rest of her crew thanks to her enthusiasm for “kicking names and taking ass!” I’m glad she stuck around after Guardians 2. I was impressed that she got to play such an important and powerful role against Thanos when they tried getting his glove off. I still prefer Drax’s (Dave Bautista) original “takes everything literally” personality from the first Guardians, but I liked his humor here a lot better than in the second film (where it seemed to settle on “states the obvious” instead). “Perfecting” invisibility by standing totally still was hilarious! I’m glad he got a chance to avenge his family, even if it didn’t work out and nearly cost them everything. If only Quill had learned a lesson from that failure! I don't think the movies should follow the comics in having Thanos see the error of his ways while Nebula (Karen Gillan) becomes the real villain. It's a cliché that a woman achieves ultimate power only to become evil, so I’d be much more interested in seeing her interact with Tony (maybe they make something of their biology-infused tech similarities?) than going off the deep end. True Thanos' torture of her was horrific, but I'd like to see her take a healthier path instead of spiraling into insanity after all the pain she's had to endure.

I was wary of Gamora (Zoe Saldana) making Quill promise to kill her if things went bad in their attempt to stop Thanos from collecting all the Stones because she knew where the Soul Stone was hidden, as it seemed like that could lead to fridging her. Ultimately, though, that request being her choice and the fact that she was killed for more than fueling Quill's angst avoided that (though she does fuel Thanos’). I don't have a problem with him getting emotional and punching Thanos when he found out about Gamora, but I wish that scene had been staged differently. I thought we got a good amount of range from Pratt in the film, from that sadness to his romance with Gamora to bickering with Stark to the comedy surrounding his confidence issues around Thor. Star-Lord copying Thor's accent was unexpectedly fun and it was great to see Stark's dismissive attitude thrown back in his face. The similarities between Stark and Strange were also fun, and I enjoyed Strange's completely different point of view from everyone else when it came to saving the day: he had no problem sacrificing anyone. That perspective is one I would've thought would belong to someone with universal experience like Thor or who’s coldly calculating like Vision, but it was nice to see a human thinking beyond their planet, even if I agree with Cap's "we don't trade lives" philosophy and not Strange's "sacrifice whoever it takes" outlook. I thought he'd given Thanos something other than the Time Stone when he traded it "to save Tony," and like a friend of mine suggested, he probably rigged it in some way to give the heroes a chance.

I thought it was incredible that, despite some iffy CGI in a couple of wide shots, Josh Brolin was able to emote so clearly as Thanos. I'm not sure I've seen a CGI villain in a live-action movie done this well technically, and it certainly helped that the writers let Thanos experience loss and remorse. I was impressed they included his emotional side and gave him an arc, but I do have an issue with that remorse: despite Brolin selling the feeling of a man who thought he was giving up what he loved most, Gamora is right and what he's framed as love is anything but. It's abuse and as others have pointed out, I'm not sure why he loved Gamora in the first place. His "adoption"/kidnapping of her felt a little random and turning her face away from the murder of half her people did nothing to convince me he was a caring parent (I'm also unclear as to why she was so transfixed by a knife he gave her that she forgot about her missing mom), nor do the facts that he turned her into an assassin and later killed her. As a friend pointed out, I wish we’d seen more focus on Gamora's view of being raised by Thanos in Guardians 2 to increase the complexity of their relationship. Even if we had (and her laughing in his face when she finds out he has to sacrifice something he loves gives us a good indication of it), I still wouldn’t sympathize with Thanos…if he really loved her, he would’ve let her live and would’ve abandoned his plan when it came down to choosing between them. The more I think about it, the more troubled I am by the implications of the Soul Stone trade. Since Thanos' task is to sacrifice something he loves and he's successful, it implies that whatever cosmic judgment holds the Stone agrees that what he felt for Gamora is love. Unless the Young Gamora (Ariana Greenblatt) in the Stone at the end is a punishment to torture him for an impure trade (which I'd be fine with)—I imagine she’s actually adult Gamora using a form that will turn the screws on Thanos harder, and her Soul enduring there will allow her to come back to life—this is a pretty messed-up message and it’s my biggest issue with the movie. 

I would've preferred keeping Thanos' comic motivation of becoming the universe's greatest killer to impress the physical embodiment of Death by showing what an awesome guy he is (to which she shrugs, having done better herself); playing the galaxy's greatest scourge as a Nice Guy would've been an unexpected way to make him relatable and of the moment without really having to modernize him at all. That said, trying to kill half the universe to save it from overpopulation is a fine egomaniacal supervillain motivation (no, internet thinkpieces, he is not a hero), even if I wish the heroes had pointed out the flaws in his logic (as others have pointed out online) and how foolish this plan is. For example, unless he also makes the survivors immortal and sterile, people will still breed and kill each other, throwing his precious balance out of whack within a generation or two (and his sunset retirement at the end doesn't imply he thinks he’ll have to conduct regular cullings). He also gives no consideration to how the resources he's "saved" will be used on each planet, leading me to think that things are going to immediately descend into chaos as the survivors try to take all they can (especially if the majority of any given people's governments survived to maintain their status quo). And as I've seen elsewhere, what if a people were already using resources responsibly and he killed them without bothering to check? Better yet, why doesn't he just create an infinite set of resources with his all-powerful glove? Forcing him to confront flaws in his plan would give us more insight into his thought process, or at least the justification he's sold himself. If the Gauntlet can only destroy and not create for some reason, explaining that would've served to make Thanos seem more backed into a corner and desperate, making his thought process seem slightly more "necessary." Instead, he comes off as a lunatic (yes, he’s known as the Mad Titan) who couldn't get over his one terrible idea because he confused the mismanagement of Titan's resources with proof he was right and not crazy. I've seen comments suggesting he be seen as a conservative politician, only concerned with fawning over his ideology instead of seeing the detrimental effects it has on the people, and that's not a bad take: looking at him as an outdated fringe "visionary" who won't learn/evolve his thinking or question his way of doing things helps quite a bit. I feel like these questions and the sheer outlandishness of his plot ranks him far below the best MCU villains like Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan), Vulture (Michael Keaton), and Hela (Cate Blanchett), who all went to terrible extremes, but at least had motivations that were somewhat understandable and tethered to reality. He was still a powerful threat who truly required all the heroes working together, though.

Thanos' "children" (Terry Notary, Tom Vaughan-Lawlor, Carrie Coon, Michael James Shaw, Monique Ganderton) were fine as lackeys, which is all they needed to be. I wish X-men Apocalypse had taken a similar tack with the Horsemen instead of using famous mutants: we don't need to know characters who are essentially zealot thugs. I did appreciate how warped they were to Thanos' way of thinking, though. They also proved to be worthy matches for the heroes before facing the Mad Titan himself.

Infinity War has an incredible sense of scope, giving the impression that the Marvel cosmos are vast, but it was odd they were largely devoid of people (even on Earth). Showing more than just wreckage would've upped the stakes and impact of Thanos' climactic actions while also showing the overpopulation “problem” he seeks to solve. The pacing moves the film along really well, even with the film being as packed as it is (though it doesn’t feel overstuffed). I loved that they were willing to have imaginative fun with the Infinity Gauntlet's powers, like turning laser blasts into bubbles, throwing a moon at our heroes, literally unraveling Mantis, and turning Drax into blocks. I’m all for more weirdness like that! The action is thrilling and moves very well for the vast majority of the film, with one major exception. A pivotal battle with Thanos on Titan has Iron Man, Spidey, Strange, and several Guardians struggling to hold him long enough to steal his Gauntlet. They almost succeed, but Star-Lord messes up his own plan (when it's revealed Gamora is dead) by punching Thanos in the face, knocking Mantis (who's psychically subduing him) away and freeing Thanos. I don't have a problem with Quill reacting to the news emotionally, but the staging of the scene offers at least two ways the heroes could've won right there: Nebula does nothing when she could've been stabbing Thanos in the face, and either she or Strange could’ve cut off his arm to free the Gauntlet. I know the movie can't end there, so knock Nebula out or otherwise busy her and Strange before writing yourself into a situation that raises these questions. Or they could've let Thanos lose his arm, yet still regain the glove through brute force or cunning before the heroes could get a handle on how to use it: showing him as a scrappy underdog for a moment would make him look more dangerous (and more appealing to the audience). 

Despite an ad campaign suggesting a culmination of the MCU, Infinity War feels more like a seamless continuation of it. I'm glad they hit the ground running and didn't take the time to re-introduce everyone, except when it made sense, like the Guardians and Thor meeting for the first time. This will be detrimental for anyone coming into the film having missed earlier entries, but I think it works for this series. Reveals of familiar characters and locations, like Cap and Wakanda, made me smile. It was also great to finally get an answer to a dangling question about Red Skull's (recast with Ross Marquand) whereabouts in a completely unexpected way! I understand why they ended the movie on the beat they did, but part of me wishes this hadn't been a two-parter: I'd like there to be more adventures than just Thanos Round Two. I don't have a problem with the MCU going on indefinitely, but I do want them to take the time to continually develop and change the characters, and disparate threats would be a great way to challenge them differently. Between changes, we also need to spend time in their status quos to see how they react to each new normal. That's the weakness of movies vs. shows, though, and it seems highly unlikely the MCU is willing to give that much time to its movie heroes.

Infinity War felt like a true comic book crossover and that's the direction I want the Avengers films to take: they should be the crossovers with MCU-altering events while the solo franchises are just that, exploring the worlds of each character while focusing on character development. However, like the revolving door of death in the comics, a lot of the impact of this finale is going to come down to how the fallout is handled. I feel there are three necessary components to making the ending of Infinity War matter: the survivors need to be changed by losing their friends and half the general populace, the victims need to be changed by their experience as well, and we need to see what happened to the world in the wake of Thanos' Snap. Regardless of how the Snap is undone, everyone should remember what happened to give the events weight. Since I don't think Infinity War 2 will have time to deal with (and say a final goodbye to) the original Avengers, let everyone have a moment to shine, chase down Thanos, undo what he did, and really explore the state of the post-Snap world (one scene of Cap and Co. stopping a riot or something and saying "it's gotten crazy out here" would be deeply unsatisfying IMO), the world-building should be mostly left to the MCU offerings that are coming out next. Ant-Man & the Wasp and Captain Marvel are coming out before Infinity War 2, but Ant-Man is supposedly happening concurrently with/just before Infinity War and Captain Marvel is set in the 1990s. However, Luke Cage Season 2, Cloak & Dagger, and possibly The Runaways Season 2 would all fall into this range and could explore the world from several different angles. I thought the mass vanishing would've been the perfect chance to finally let the TV characters join the Avengers in a unified universe, but I'll settle for the shows handling the fallout.

There's so much potential with this scenario that it would be a massive wasted opportunity not to do anything with it. With the world losing half its population, there are plenty of opportunities for supervillains (or just regular people) to exploit the problem. Do people stop caring about values and basic decency in a world where half the planet can vanish? Are they all hoarding resources and killing each other over them, fearing another culling? Are there others who find their inner, everyday hero and help their fellow people? Maybe superheroes are forced to take extreme measures to defend their local turf. What happens to religion? Do some people think this is the Rapture (a critic referred to it as "the Snapture," which might be perfect)? Are there new religious beliefs rising out of this; perhaps a cult that believes in what the Snap "accomplished?" Society as we know it could crumble and every nation could be in danger of falling. This is the perfect time for superheroes to step up and for SHIELD to finally reclaim its position as a global force for good. It’s a shame Agents of SHIELD isn’t coming back until the summer after Infinity War 2, since it would’ve been the ideal vehicle to explore this world. Even when Infinity War 2 undoes this, it'll only have weight if everyone remembers what happened, so SHIELD and other heroes working to save everyone from themselves wouldn't be in vain even if the Avengers are the ones who actually save the world. No matter what happens, half the population vanishing is a fascinating premise fraught with drama, and something in the MCU needs to explore it; if they gloss over all that, this will have been truly empty.

That emptiness is a problem I had with a lot of the deaths. It's not just that it's clear these heroes will be brought back—if they remember what happened and it changes them, it won't be pointless—but they didn't die for anything. They were slaughtered for nothing, which left a bad taste in my mouth; if they'd at least chosen to go out fighting or if Thanos cared about who he was killing instead of being randomly "fair" about it, I feel like I would've felt them more. I was disappointed to see a few of them go, like T'Challa, but it was Tom Holland who really got me with his "I don't wanna go." That was heartbreaking and nearly made me cry!

It would be nice if the Defenders who survived the Snap got promoted to Avengers status in the interim, but I doubt that will happen. I've seen suggestions elsewhere that the heroes who got Snapped could form a "New Avengers" within the Soul Stone to fight their way out and that could be cool, but I hope the focus of Infinity War 2 is on the original six Avengers since it will probably be their last mission. They can deal with what the Snapped heroes went through in their future solo films.

I think it'd be cool if Nick Fury's (Samuel L. Jackson) beeper actually contacted Carol Danvers (Brie Larson) in the 90s (just chalk the time zone difference up to Kree or Skrull tech). This could be why he chose to summon her for help: being in the past, she wouldn't be affected by the disintegration wave.

In terms of the longer-term plans, I don't want another long build-up to something; I hope Infinity War 2 is the end of long-form plotting in the MCU, at least for the next few phases. We don't need a years-long build-up to Secret Wars or something, and not every threat has to spring from the previous one in some manner.

 Infinity War is big, fun, and action-packed with plenty of crowd-pleasing moments (and some that truly pull at your heartstrings), but it's not one of my favorite MCU films. I think it falls somewhere in the middle, but in terms of spectacle it's one of their finest outings. It's definitely worth a trip to the theater!

  Check out more of my reviews, opinions, theories, and original short stories here!

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Mystery Bust

I’ve been giving Batman sh*t for months about what they’re doing with the character and mythos in the books. I’m on record as hating The Batman Who Laughs and Punchline but have also admitted that, in theory, they can be very compelling and, in all honestly, Punchline post-Joker War has a lot of potential. Hell, Joker War was a non-event in itself but that ending was straight beauty. I cannot say the same for TBWL. Dude has been the embodiment of diminishing returns since his introduction. I’ve been so focused on my despair with the Bat-books that’s I've neglected my Spider-titles. Despair and delays. The Wuha has f*cked so much up in 2020 but I'm back on my grind and finally got to catch up on the Spider-Man mini by JJ Abrams and his boy, Henry. I, once again, despaired. On the heels of the news that Marvel DC, and Sony have decided to extend the Pete deal in order to keep Spidey in the MCU, news I am absolutely geeking over, I wanted to address something Spider-Man adjacent that I am decidedly not geeking over.

The Abram’s Spider-Man comic is so bad, man. So goddamn bad. Nothing about this sh*t is coherent or compelling. I hate every character in this book and that’s not possible because i f*cking LOVE all things Spider-Man. Even f*cking Kindred has grown on me and i have just ALL of the problems with that characterization of Harry. More than that, the main villain and overall pathos is just so uninspired. Like, what the f*ck even is “Cadaverous”? What the f*ck kind of name is that? Zombie cyborg Avengers? Really? Unforeseen complications with a serum distilled from a literally mutated spider man, that happens to mutate it’s target into a spider man? Come on, man. You wrote Lost. Do better. You have this toy box of characters, this literal universe of delights, and the best Spider-story you can come up with was this? No wonder Hollywood is dying. F*cking yikes! But this ain’t even my biggest problem with that book. I can forgive bad narratives is i find the protagonist compelling. I do not find Ben Parker compelling.

One of my favorite things about the multiverse is the fact that we get to see the various Spider-kids. Mayday is obviously my favorite because I'm old and remember the 90s Clone Saga so i have a deep connection to the young May Parker. Mayday, and Mayhem to a lesser extent, are the benchmark for the Parker progeny for me but I'd be lying if i said that her alternate reality kid sister, Annie, didn’t endear herself just a deep with her run in Renew Your Vows and Spider-Girls. Spider-Girls and Renew Your Vows were really good and you should probably read those instead of this. Happy Family Pete is my second favorite Pete after Punished Pete, which is why I'm tolerating this Kindred sh*t. I do not like Ben Parker.

Everything that makes May and Annie so adorable is completely lacking in Ben. He’s kind of a sniveling wart of a kid. Dude doesn’t read like a real person, which is weird because, again, JJ Abrams literally writes films. I understand the angst I understand the rebellious nature. I understand the reasoning behind the strained relationship with his pops. This is definitely a Punished Pete story, for sure. But unlike say, The Clone Saga or Torment or Kraven’s Last Hunt, the pathos of this narrative don’t feel earned, just like Ben’s entire conflict.  I understand you only have issues to make an impression but i can’t help but feel like there are better ways to do what that what got published. Ben Parker is a borderline non-character and, objectively, he’s a really, really, terrible Spider-man. Like, holy sh*t is this the worst at that job!

Ben literally just tells everyone who he is! Everyone. It’s f*cking absurd. Aunt May knows. His little Asian maybe-girlfriend knows. don’t get me started in f*cking Ito Faye. There’s a whole sack of issues i got wither her character. I’m pretty sure the receptionist at Stark Enterprises knows the kid’s Spider-Man. It’s f*cking ridiculous and i kind of hate. I rather liked the brief cameo we got form the two Iron People. Old Man Tony was exactly how i imagined him to be at that age and adult Riri Williams who is absolutely done with Tony, after years of Tony being Tony, was spot on. Spot on and a completely missed opportunity. Why the f*ck they given more time to be developed? Why couldn’t we spend more time with them? They were arguably the best thing about the entire run! It’s wild to me that this was written by someone as prolific as JJ Abrams. I mean, I'm sure his son was the one who wrote the majority of this and he sold it to Marvel on his Pop’s name but you’d think JJ would at least give the kid some notes because this was a straight up slog to get through.

Saying i hated this book is kind of harsh. I absolutely hate Ben Parker as a character but this world is intriguing as f*ck. I just gushed about this version of Riri and Tony but the fact that Mary Jane now has Spider-powers is awesome. I love MJ and she’s at there best when she’s in the thick of it with Pete. I prefer when she uses her wits to out maneuver the baddies but i did enjoy her run in Spider-Island when she had actual powers. If we get more of that, a tag team with her kid, that would be fun to see going forward. Again, Renew Your Vows is spectacular. Speaking of spectacular, Sarah Pichelli’s art is, as always, f*cking breathtaking. She’s one of my favorite artists working today. Her rt is enough to give this run a cursory look but it’s a really hard read. It’s rushed drivel with a ton of potential going forward and that is enough to secure the bag i guess. I don’t hate this thing like i hate that whole Sins past or hold an abject apathy for it like i do with One More Day, but it ain’t good. I hope the younger Abrams gets better at his craft and i hope he gets the opportunity to clean up this mess a little in the future. As it is now, JJ Abrams's Spider-Man is one of the biggest disappointments I've read in years.