peppersonironi

[peppersonironi]

If Tumblr really wanted to break the entire website, they should give us Boops on March 15th.

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Sometimes I think about how the paintings of the agony in the garden are ……..inaccurate? I mean Jesus is fully God but He is also fully man and when we are afraid we don’t usually look up placidly at the sky while kneeling in the grass. I basically break down before taking a hard exam and you think that Jesus was all stoic like that before He was tortured and died for us? No, He sweat blood.

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i think the reason why the assassination of Julius Caesar is one of the funniest political assassinations is for this very simple reason:

1 guy stabs 1 guy: not funny. that's murder.

2 guys stab 1 guy: even less funny. that's two against one.

60 guys stab 1 guy: uproariously funny. why do you need so many guys.

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Two weeks until the Ides of March!

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the trick to a good insult is sort of talking around it and making them think so that it hits harder when they realize what you’re talking about

[peppersonironi]

You can literally make anything and anyone problematic if you try hard enough seriously give me people and things and I’ll make them all “problematic” right now.

[peppersonironi]

Batman regularly conducts performance evaluations/reviews for all the justice league members on an annual basis

Someone in the league, probably Hal or Barry, brings up how unfair it is that none of the robins have to go through it, when it's the most daunting thing ever. So now, the batkids have to go through mandatory performance reviews too

Bruce: The audit team says the budget this time was way higher than the last?

Tim, who's laundering an entire batmobile: We just needed extra snacks to feed the bats in the cave

Bruce: They suddenly needed more food?

Tim: Actually the previous bats all adopted new baby bats. Cause they're all like you, you know?

Bruce, trying not to cry: okay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: The record says you broke the 'no gun rule' fifty times in the past month.

Jason: Damn just fifty?

Bruce: That's not acceptable

Jason: What are you gonna do, fire me? Your poor posthumous son?

Bruce:

Jason: That's what I thought, see you at dinner

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: In the medical record, all your injuries are listed as 'nunya'. Care to elaborate?

Dick, hitting a pose: Nunya business

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: How would you rate yourself and your performance on a scale of 1-5?

Cass, trying to sound professional: 4.8

Bruce, concerned: Why did you deduct the 0.2? Self-esteem is important. You're getting a five, review over

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: What would you like to say about your repeated-

Duke: I'm severely understaffed, you know? As in, i literally work my shift alone, so

Bruce: Fair enough, I apologize, you may leave

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: In your own words, please explain why we should keep you around for another year

Damian, having to deal with this right after a long patrol: I'm your blood son. Would you fire me? Firing Richard as Robin wasn't enough?

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: What would you say your biggest flaws have been, while working this year?

Steph, experienced in these cause of her service jobs: I cared too much. And I worked too hard.

Bruce:

Steph: Can't forget I'm also too good at my job.

[peppersonironi]

a severely underrated and underused pre-reveal-Red-Hood-plot is the one where Dick finds out that he’s Jason first, and out of desperation to make up for past failings at being a big brother and wanting to reconnect with Jason, he decides to keep it from the rest of the family and use it as a way for them to bond. clearly this could be funny for like a thousand different reasons, but the first way this could turn out that i can think of is obviously Bruce watching Nightwing and Red Hood getting closer and closer and instead of automatically coming to the realisation that it’s Dick getting to know and hanging out with his little brother, he immediately assumes that Nightwing and Red Hood are dating.

i’m torn between Jason finding this hysterical while Dick is horrified about it (Jason doesn’t have to deal with the sexual jokes from the family and talks about safety within villain/hero relationships) and both of them deciding it’s a prime opportunity to pull the greatest prank on Bruce possible (both of them leaning into the relationship thing publicly and then Jason casually taking off his helmet to give Dick a cheek-kiss and Bruce a fucking heart attack), but mostly i just think it would be funny if Dick got stressed about his web of lies and decided to rant to a friend, idk who probably Wally, and he gets to have this conversation:

Dick, pacing back and forth: i don’t know what to do, i mean my dad thinks i’m fucking my brother!

Wally, incredulous: …what the fuck did you do to make Bruce think you’re fucking Tim???

Dick, horrified: OH MY GOD NO? I MEANT JASON!

Wally: HE THINKS YOU’RE FUCKING A CORPSE!?

Dick: OK NO- I SHOULD HAVE EXPLAINED BETTER WAIT A SECOND-

Wally: *distressed noises*

[peppersonironi]

Do’ya think that the Wayne family would get invited to be on the lip sync battle show? (Or just for the segment in SNL?) because omg, I just rewatched Tom Hollands umbrella performance, and I was thinking: Wow, Dick would do this…

I’ve seen people joke that Bruce would be on SNL and even play skits, but it makes me think, what about his kids? They’re just as famous as he is. Plus, there’s no way that they don’t have the humor that won’t get noticed by the media, they’d thrive on SNL.

Like what about those YouTube channels too? The one where it’s like: [Insert two Celebrity names here] react to most google searches of them.

Or something like that.

Do you think Bruce has gone on there with every single one of his kids? Or did all of them do it? Like a huge room, all of them sat around each other as Bruce pulled off the strips.

Bruce sitting on the chair holding the sign laughing, with Dick to his left, and Tim to his right: Is Dick Grayson-Wayne Romani?

Dick opening his mouth to answer:

Tim, deciding that as the younger sibling it’s now his job to ruin his answer: No. He’s European.

Dick laughing, knowing that it’s not too well known that Romani people are European: Ur-a-peeing?

Tim:

Dick:

Bruce poorly holding back a laugh and hiding his face in his hands:

-Cue a dark screen before it shows Bruce sitting with two more of his kids in either side of him, the youngest and his only daughter-

Bruce once again sitting in the middle and reading off of the huge card, pulling off the white paper: Is Cassandra Wayne deaf?

Damian without hesitation: She can hear just fine, however, if we mean as in tone deaf, then yes. She can’t sing.

Cass smiling: Says you.

-They share a look that anyone with siblings can indicate as the one you see before you get throttled-

(It quickly goes to the last set of his kids)

Bruce is sitting between the two, both of them are tall, and built mostly of muscle, much like him, but both look like they’ll be bigger than Bruce as they get older: Is Duke Thomas-Wayne adopted?

Duke smiling: Obviously not, can’t you see the resemblance between me and Bruce?

Jason: it’s like you’re looking a mirror.

Duke: exactly, I’m the biological son.

Bruce ignoring them as he peels off another one- off of the other card: Is Jason Todd-Wayne taller than Bruce Wayne?

Duke: stand up lets check!

Que, Bruce and Jason standing back to back, and a very visible height difference between the two, Jason obviously taller.

Duke: Bruce is taller!

-It goes back to the room with Tim and Dick-

Bruce reading off another board: Is Tim Drake-Wayne gay?

Dick: only sometimes.

Tim: yeah.

-The second room yet again. Both of the kids looking a bit disheveled and Bruce exhausted sitting between them.-

Bruce pulling off the thing and sighing before he reads it: Is Damian Wayne vegetarian or vegan?

Cass: There’s a difference?

Damian annoyed: of course there’s a difference… [insert 45 minute rant of the differences], and I am vegetarian.

I can just imagine them reading the questions about Bruce though-

Dick reading it as he pulls it off: How is Bruce Wayne.. famous?

Tim without missing a beat: Nepotism.

Dick shooting back: That’s the same for you.

Tim: I’m not ashamed of that.

Bruce sitting between them laughing into the pal of his hands, hiding his face as his shoulders shake violently:

-The next clip cuts off just as Bruce starts to fall out of his chair giggling-

Cass reading the board as Damian holds it and peels the thing off: Is Bruce Wayne Jewish?

Bruce nodding: my mother is, and by default that makes me Jewish too.

Damian: I’m not.

Cass: you should be.

-it goes to the next scene as Bruce gets onto his feet ready to jump in just as the two of them look like they’re about to fight again-

Jason sighing as he reads off of the board: How much is Bruce Wayne worth?

Duke: half a snickers bar and the lint in my pocket

Jason: that’s too much already!

Bruce sitting between them exasperated:

Duke, again: The lint out of a random persons belly button?

Jason: still too much…

Duke: the ashes of a burnt pile of shit?

Jason: hm… too much, but at least it had no potential to be worth anything, so sure.

Bruce sighing: thank you boys. I feel loved.

Jason smiling brightly: you shouldn’t!

If you can’t tell, I’ve never actually watched one of those videos the full way through- but I definitely feel like it’d be entertaining for the crew, annoying to the kids, and dealbreaking for Bruce (he’s never going to take them to another open interview again)

[peppersonironi]

[peppersonironi]

So there are several species of frogs that have evolved to be so small that their vestibular balance system doesn't work well and I'm sorry but it's the funniest thing to watch them try to jump.

[peppersonironi]

the batkids all have a running joke with non-family members and mission partners where they stumble across something ridiculous and just casually throw out a “oh yeah Batman and I ran into this once” or a “B taught me how to do that actually” despite literally never having done/seen the thing before.

it started out as a joke and then it became a way to keep civilians and fellow heroes from panicking when things go sideways with an audience.

massive glowing alien that sucks out your soul? Batman fought one a few years back. defusing a nuclear bomb? B had them drilling on that once, actually. seance to rescue a civilian girl from a haunted sewer? not to fear, Batman had them do a whole unit on rescue spellwork actually

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[peppersonironi]

"There's millions of Tumblr users" to you. To me There's only about 12 and we all reblog the same five posts from each other

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that "OKAY SO" before someone u love starts infodumping........ most blessed feeling in the world

[peppersonironi]

adhd is: telling yourself “ alright time to get started” every 30 minutes and continuing to not move