#exquisite corpse-ish

[foolishmortal]

Pretty Flower AU

Because I will probably never write this as an actual fic, here's a ficlet idea you can riff on if you want:

AU in which Joowon goes undercover at a massage parlour himself, instead of using Lee Geum-Hwa as bait.

Except with his big square frame and strong hands and attention to detail, he's genuinely good at being an actual masseuse, and he quickly develops a following of people who want his help working out their little kinks (shut up).

That suits Joowon just fine - holding down a full time slot at 물망초 allows him to screen all the regular customers, especially the one that comes in every week and fits the perpetrator's profile to a T. He always asks for Joowon and lays on his table grimacing and joking through the rigorous paces Joowon puts him through for his bad leg. He's politely friendly with all the women -- too carefully polite, Joowon thinks, and bides his time till his suspect slips up. "You're going to a massage parlour, hyung?" Jihoon squeaks, nearly drowned out by Jiwa's disapproving "Dongsik-ah."

"Aigoo, it's nothing like that, everyone calm down," Dongsik grumbles and nearly burns his tongue on the slice of meat Jaeyi flips onto his plate. She serves him a saccharine smile, and he repeats, "It's nothing like that! They've got someone who does nearly professional chiropractic work and charges next to nothing. Half of Munju goes to him."

"Him - !" Jihoon yelps and then, "Um, i mean, good for you, hyung. I'm happy for yo- ah!"

Jiwa unsticks her sharp elbow from her brother's ribs. "I'm sure it's none of our business," she concludes. "They're hardworking citizens that need a livelihood to survive, just like the rest of us."

"I'm really not - !" Dongsik gives up and downs the rest of his soju.

Sure, Han Joowon is exactly his type, and that voice, fuck, but Lee Dongsik would be a fool to risk losing those magic hands that have allowed him to sleep through the night without incident for months now. He can't even remember the last time he's had to refill his prescription.

That is to say, he has mixed feelings on the day Han Joowon rears back from where he's got Dongsik pinned on his table (shut up), reaches into the back of his jacket for a pistol, and storms the room across the hall.

"Police! You're under arrest!" Inspector Han Joowon shouts, and there's Lee Dongsik's godsend, gone.

Dongsik climbs into his jeans and emerges to find Han Joowon blocking the door against the other employees at the parlour. Over his shoulder, Dongsik sees a familiar face - Kang Jinmook, who Dongsik's family was well acquainted with up until Jinmook was arrested on charges of stalking and attempted murder of his wife and was sentenced to twenty years in jail. Piece of shit must have got out this year and gone back to his old ways, with a vengeance.

Han Joowon surveys the angry, terrified faces of the women who took him in when he was fresh on assignment, laughed gently at his awkwardness and included him in ladies' night out, who tirelessly scoured the streets in their scant off-hours for their missing friend. Joowon clears his throat and tells them, "Ladies, you cannot assault a suspect in custody, even if he is guilty, while a police officer is present."

And then he leaves the scene, walks back into his own room, and shuts the door. A collective shout rises on the other side, drowning out Jinmook's feeble pleas for mercy. Han Joowon flips on the radio and maxes out the volume. "Apologies, Lee Dongsik-ssi. Shall we continue?"

Dongsik barks out a laugh at this cheeky young prince. "So I guess you'll be tendering your resignation here immediately."

"I go where I'm assigned."

"Hm-m. I don't suppose you make house calls." Dongsik mentally slaps himself on the forehead. "That wasn't a line. Really. It's just my luck that ... you know you could get a second career as a physical therapist." He doubles back. "Shit. That wasn't a line either, I promise."

"It could be," Inspector Han suggests.

"You're right. I apologize. I should have been more clear."

"No. I mean ... " Han Joowon reaches out to fix where Dongsik's hastily donned jeans have rucked up the line of his shirt. "It could be a line. If you wanted it to be one."

...

"Wow," Jihoon goggles. "Good for you, hyung."

Han Joowon sits perched on his chair next to Dongsik, his perfect posture belying his discomfort. Back in his usual semi-formal, muted attire, he looks more severe and handsome than ever.

"Inspector Han," Jiwa interrupts loudly over the sound of sizzling meat. "I'm glad to see Seoul Metropolitan form a productive collaboration with violent crimes in Munju."

"I'm glad the perpetrator was brought to justice," Han Joowon replies dutifully. "Manyang is a nice town. I'm sorry it had to experience such a tragedy."

Oh Jiwa accepts these condolences with queenly poise. "And when do you plan on resuming your usual duties in the city?"

"Manyang is a nice town," Han Joowon repeats. His hand finds the top of Lee Dongsik's thigh - his good one - underneath the table and squeezes. "I was thinking of sticking around here for a while, if I could find accommodation."

"I can think of a few places that might take you in," Dongsik murmurs under his breath, and it's worth Jiwa's elbow when Joowon ducks his head and offers up a tiny, genuine smile.

"Ahjussi, I can always pack this food to go," Jaeyi threatens him, waving the tongs under his nose. "If you and your physical therapist need some time alone."

"Oh no, Jaeyi-yah," Dongsik replies cheerfully. "You know, I come from a long line of gardeners. When one has the luck to come upon such a pretty flower, you have to show it off."

[theinstagrahame]

This is the post where I show off the stuff I've gotten in the last month-ish. And it's been another good one!

(I mean it's always a good one, I have excellent taste)

Coffee and Chaos: I'm tickled by the concept of a coffeeshop AU, and I know that this game isn't explicitly for that. But it's also not *not* for that. Comes in a like conference-style folder, with all the bits you need to play tucked into the sides, which is also a great presentation that I felt deserved a shout-out!

Far Horizons Guide to Cults: I'm friendly with some Far Horizons folks, but wanted this book because it's awesome. A book containing notes and pre-made cults that have goals and drives beyond just "Be A Cult". I am intrigued by the occult, and I hope this gives me more nuance.

Neurocity: Picked this up on vibes alone, but I'm hearing more and more rad things about the creator. It's dystopic, a little cyberpunk, and the book is dripping with style. Can't wait to dig deeper.

You're In Space and Everything's Fucked: Station and Struggler's Guides: The title alone sold me, but I like what Dinoberry Press puts out in general. This is a solo survival space horror game with a cool respawn mechanic. I also splurged on the fancy version because the covers are very cool.

Dead Belt: The pleather folio for this honestly is what sold me, but the game itself is really cool. Salvage ships by laying out cards, exploring, and managing your air and tool resources. Try not to die. I haven't really succeeded at that last part yet...

Exquisite Corpse in the Maggot's Keep: Technically, this isn't a TTRPG, but it's go so many TTRPG folks in it that it might as well be. It's a choosable path adventure written by a variety of people in (if I remember the pitch) exquisite corpse style.

Best Left Buried: Throne of Avarice and In Calamity's Wake: As we already know, I'm a SoulMuppet fan (as in, I've written for their other big series, Orbital Blues). The main book, Throne of Avarice, was written by a creator whose work I've been trying to get more of. I haven't read Best Left Buried as fully as a game, but I am really excited by the excuse to dig in.

Between Clouds: I like air islands and big monsters and found family. Partially, I grabbed this because a friend got really excited about it, and it seemed like it could be fun to run a campaign with them, but I'm also curious about the Year Zero Engine, and glad to see people using it.

Kitchen Knightmares: Grabbed this as an add-on for the You're In Space crowdfund, but I'm glad I got it because it's loosely inspired by This Discord Has Ghosts In It, and that game rules. I might be able to pitch this to my friend group, who enjoyed Discord Has Ghosts.

In a Mirror Brightly/Handbaskets: First off, plug for the RTFM podcast, because it's very good. This two-games-in-one book is created by the two hosts of that show, who are great designers and seem really lovely. But, two wildly different vibes in a single volume is a great idea.

You Meet in a Tavern, You Die in a Dungeon: I've been following the creator for this since some of my earliest days in the RPG scene, so I was happy to help make this a reality. Feels very tropey, and I mean that in the best way possible.

In Other Waters: Tidebreak: Honestly, I have barely scratched the surface of In Other Waters, the PC game this is based on. But this is a Mothership solo hack that returns to that world, and it had me curious based on that pitch alone.

Aaand because I'm a doofus who forgot to include it, here's one more book! PLUS A guest appearance from my new desk mat.

Teeth: Been into Forged in the Dark lately, and as much as I enjoy Monster of the Week, the pitch for this seemed like it was more my speed. You're monster hunters, trying to keep the occult under wraps, while keeping secrets of your own. Plus, horror comedy!

The mat is the cover art from Friends at the Table's current season, Palisade. It's an Armor Astir campaign following up on some of the characters from their Partizan series.

[oscconfessions]

sorry if this doesnt count as a confession much but im lookin for obscure-ish osc shows to watch if anyone has any personal preferences!

I watched ONE, TPOS, and started BURNER, and have bfdi / ii on the list

any others you (the reader) think i should watch? and having a non-spoilery Why would be nice as well <:3

thanks if you decide to post this confessiony

OK !! here are some of my favorites:

love of the s*n (non-competition show about the object afterlife. it has part of an episode out atm and some cool arg thing on the side)

ion (one of the most unique artstyles of the osc, it's about a small group of objects that woke up in a melted down nuclear plant and have to figure out what happened and how to escape)

showvember (joke show but it's really fun. it's made like an exquisite corpse with one person making each episode with as little knowledge about the other episodes as possible)

take two sides (another incredibly unique art style being 3d with some 2d assets. it's a comedy focused show with a heavy tumblr and fandom influence. theres some cool worldbuilding shenanigans. criminally underrated)

object battle city (this is a more typical competition object show but the absolutely insane jump in quality from episode 1 to 4 is so commendable. i really love it)

They're all pretty short watches, either being new or having a long production time per episode. hope you can enjoy 'em! -🫒

[livingfast04]

Alright, so when Steve is with his parents and finally allowed to shift, is he actually horrifying? Because Steve, while Steve is definitely experiencing some body horror while looking in the mirror, what does it look like from your author perspective?

Because in my mind it could go one of three ways:

1) It's genuinely a bit horrifying and gruesome. Steve looks like someone who's been partially flayed, parts of skin skin look like they've been rubbed raw, and there are chunks of him that's just raw muscle or bone. He is literally exposed and vulnerable.

Or maybe his body has extras bits? Maybe his finger got so long he needed to add an extra joint in his fingers? His skin leeches all the pigment out, and you can see every blue vein in exquisite detail. At random point during the day, he'll grow extra teeth and have to grow his jaw longer and longer to accommodate them all until its no longer a human jaw.

2) He's incredibly beautiful to look at, and it's terrifying. Maybe his brain is pulling from his mental database of features and selecting the "best ones" in order to make his body "better." So while he's recognizable as Steve, everything about him is so polished and perfected it's not Steve at all.

3) He's not ugly or beautiful; he's massively unsettling instead. His face has become a kaleidoscope shifting from one shape to another and another and another in an endless cycle as a sort of mental exercise to make sure his Steve face is the one he wants to keep.

Or he looks like a department store mannequin with no recognizable features at all. No pores, no freckles, no moles, his eyes are the lightest shade of grey possible, he has no eyelashes to speak of, and his mouth is basically a slash where lips should be. He looks like a lot of scar tissue surrounded by flawless skin.

Just, what do shifters look like when they aren't actively keeping a hold on their appearance?

Hi! Okay, Steve's a little different than the rest because he's still recovering from almost dying. but for the most part they do look pretty skeletal! At least the Harrington branch of the family- (Shapeshifters "Shapeless" form depend on genes!)

They are kind of horrifying to look at, mostly because to the untrained eye- the sort of look like corpses. But they are also just generally not human like. Very pale, can see most of their veins- Steve has a shit ton of freckles and moles the pigment in his skin condenses- He's short, but his arms are long, and his fingers are spidery?? long thin and boney.

Some shapeshifter families try and "breed out the anomalies" they are perfect. Uncanny Valley perfect, no blemishes, no freckles, perfect heights, perfect teeth- too human. Some are more monster-ish, some are tall, in human tall, some just don't have regular features for the most part, a nose that's basically not there, skin pressed down to their skull no cartilage to make defining features. They wanted to become the monsters under the bed when they weren't playing "house humans"

Because Steve is hurt, he looks worse, he views himself looking worse. Eddie's going to see it as face value- Steve's unsettling to look at yes, because he's not human. And it's very noticeable now.

It is traditional for shapeshifters to cover "imperfections" while holding a new shape, so all of Steve's freckles go away, and he keeps a few moles because a family member hundreds of years ago hated the way the freckles looked- so they can't carry them in the gene pool; but they liked the moles. Any scars are hidden because they are "abnormal" and they draw attention. The bigger and more traumatizing ones can be down played and hidden under less vivid scarring. The ones other people saw them get. But they don't heal while shifted. so they visibly scar the real skin ten times worse because they fester. So many have pieces of exposed bones, muscles, or large gaping holes in their skin. Where their real bodies can't function outside of holding a different shape and put energy into healing.

His teeth don't fit in his jaw perfectly either, he's basically got 6 canines, three on the bottom and three on the top.

Shapeshifters bodies don't usually shift without conscious thought. But they can be scared- or startling- so they "Jump out of their skin" which is normally a terrifying amount of body shifting and bones moving- in a very short period of time.

When shapeshifters change bone shape- it's very loud, they are breaking and reshaping their skeletal system. it's not "poof" change height. They get pretty bad stretch marks sometimes too! It's not all magic. Sheading a fake skin is easier than getting a new one. A fake skin comes off like water (besides bone shape, that one is still creepy and hurts like a bitch) but the action of basically becoming something else, takes a huge toll on the body!

At this point I'm not even sure I answered your question properly.

[fckedinlove]

What books or songs shaped your identity?

good question.

when i was way younger (10-12 ish) i was veeerrryyy into the divergent series. i also loved a book called the sacred lies of minnow bly, which is still one of my favorites. my all-time favorite book is exquisite corpse; it’s so poetically written and everyone just wants to talk about how ‘gross’ it is. i also like cows, misery, american psycho, i’m thinking of ending things, the phantom tollbooth, ender’s game, and we need to talk about kevin.

the band that got me into rock music was definitely fall out boy, around 10-12 as well. i also liked imagine dragons but namely their older work (hear me, round and round, curse, all eyes, etc.) and i firmly believe that their new work is shit. i’ll still revisit their old albums, though. they get discredited far too often. cryptopsy was the band that finally made me a metalhead, though i was older then. i’ll give a list of songs that feel the way that i am as a person; they just exude my energy. i don’t know how to explain it.

don’t try by gerard way, emily by my chemical romance, christian brothers by heatmiser/elliott smith, blue velvet by thornhill, in dreams by roy orbison, lovesick for mina by cradle of filth, the secret goldfish by pencey prep, courting blues by bert jansch, knives out by radiohead, laura palmer’s theme by angelo badalamenti, punch and judy by elliott smith, so real by jeff buckley, close yr eyes by blood estate, cal raleigh by service with a smile, crying by roy orbison, hear me by imagine dragons, caught in a flood with the captain of the cheerleading squad by i hate myself, air-conditioned love by ludo, what it is to burn (the original version) by finch, poetic tragedy by the used, nostalgia by nocturnal depression, stay out of my dreams by type o negative, and for the love of god (live) by steve vai.

[akwardlyuncool]

Artist Of The Year: George Watsky!

This is gonna be on the longer side, so I'm cool if you don't to read of it. TLDR: Watsky put in the creative work and he's supper nice!

Honestly I didn't know who I wanted to give artist of the year to and although he's been a constant shout out for me over the years, I kept coming back to the thought that Watsky's put in so much creative work this year. He was dedicated to the art, put on a FANTASTIC show and was still trying to give back to his community of fans, even me personally. So, at the end of the day there wasn't really a question cause I already had the answer.

First he put out Intention the final album in a trilogy of albums, did an US/International tour, with a FREE live stream of one of the dates, for that album. Then at the end of all that decided that he'd go back on a mini tour at the end of the year to do a Art Pop Up/Meet & Greet as a send off and a thank you to the fans.

Now I'm not gonna get into the lore of all the challenges and puzzles and international scavenger hunting, he's done this last year as well, and probably even longer, just know that ish is amazing and shout out to anyone who was apart of that being the hella cool thing that it was/is. I just watched him in a not so parasocial way live stream his life for a couple weeks (was it a couple weeks?) while he hand drew all of the art work for the lyrics of his last album to be put into a book. It was a comfort watch this summer. So yeah, when I talk about the work, this is what I mean.

Artist of the year is really better known as artist of MY year, and although he would still deserve it otherwise and knowing that I wasn't the most knee deep into everything, I was still there for so much and had a lot of fun. The tip-over however was when he decided to make small batch of physical copies of the live album he made for the Metro date and I happened to win a copy. The first one got lost in the mail somewhere (or so I'm assuming) and upon sending a follow up email, hoping I didn't look "desperate" he was basically like "you didn't get yours? I'll send you another one."

That story shorter, the special thing about all of this is that he was like you got my word that I'll get you another one. Although I would have been bummed, I would have eventually just been okay with winning at all, but he did the extra and in the world of fan experiences, that was cool of him. It really made me feel like this was something I was supposed to win, like he thought I deserved it. Now ish might not be that deep lol, but to me it felt like it was.

All I'm really saying is that between getting to see a really good "final" show live (from my couch too), watching him livestream his creative process, as well as getting what I consider to be special fan experiences without having to pay for VIP, means a bit to me and so deserving, he is. __________________________________________________________________

Mini Watsky Introduction Playlist

Note: This does not include the lore and unfortunately stuff from the mix-CD's. I worked only with what's available on Spotify.

Two Blue Moons - Watsky (Self Titled)

(*Bonus Track) Dent In The Moon - Cardboard Castles

Sarajevo ft. Dia Frampton - All You Can Do

Wounded Healer (Live) - All You Can Do: Live From The Regency

(*Bonus Track) Exquisite Corpse ft. Dumbfoundead, Grieves, Adam Vida, Wax, Rafael Casal, Daveed Diggs, and Chinaka Hodge - x Infinity

Same Way - Fine Print (Invisible Inc.)

Welcome To The Family - COMPLAINT

Undermine ft. Raquel Rodriguez - PLACEMENT

FLOAT - INTENTION

Tiny Glowing Screens Pt 2. (Live) - Watsky Live from the Metro

Spotify Link!

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PS: When I get to it and have the emotional capacity for that amount of sentimental-ness, I'll do an official reminiscing of the last 10/11, maybe even more years of my time going to Watsky shows. I'm also still gonna make the official Intention tour post, as well as one for the Art Pop-Up, so there will for sure be more Watsky content to come.

[mappingthemoon]

omfg MY FIRST ZINE (before i even knew that zines were a thing) was essentially a game of Exquisite Corpse (also didn't yet know that was a thing) that i played with my friends in our freshman year of high school, where i had a spiral-bound notebook in which i started writing a story and then passed it around to different people who wrote the next parts. "The Story," as we called it, was a chaotic mishmash of absurdism, gratuitous sex, and over-the-top violence, including a battle between freaks and preppies/homies*, an orgy with the band Orgy, many sexy side stories involving members of various goth/nu-metal bands we loved (Marilyn Manson, NIN, Korn), Jonathan Rhys Meyers (Velvet Goldmine version) getting turned into a vampire, me and my bff turning into velociraptors to fight school security guards, randos getting stabbed bc they were mean to us, an interstitial saga of an abusive relationship between two gay men including a scene wherein one fills the other's asshole with cement, and so on. ya know, just fun normal ways of venting our total frustration with our tragically misunderstood existence as angsty "intellectual" queerdos, and which would probably get us locked up if we were teenagers writing that kind of shit today. literally columbine happened like a week after the first Story was finished.

after we'd filled the notebook, i took it upon myself to type everything up (using a different font for each author, taking pains to adjust finicky wordperfect layouts so i could effectively show people's marginal notes alongside the main body of the text), and made copies for each contributor. i technically count this as my first zine, though it would be another year or so before we realized, "holy shit you guys, we should make a MAGAZINE."

as a painfully shy goth introvert who is also a manic aries, The Story was an excellent way to make friends when i was terrified of speaking to others: just shove the notebook in their face and ask, do you want to write something for THE STORY?? it was also a great way to subtly manipulate people into writing fanfic for me, because i was a clueless catholic virgin absolutely mortified to write erotica when i wasn't even fully sure of all the mechanics of sex to begin with and didn't want to make a fool of myself. i'd set up a scene, then pass the notebook to someone else who would write the dirtier parts. a very educational experience.

*i went to a "diverse" public high school in a working/lower-middle class neighborhood in the city-ish in the late '90s/early '00s. it seems important to note here that the "homies" who bullied and harrassed us, and whomst we mocked in our writings, were the white boys wearing fubu outfits.

[jesuisgourde]

Please please please give me more Richey book recs! Especially with suicide as a theme, but if you know of any others, I would love to hear about them too! Thank you for being a fountain of a Manic knowledge and sharing it with us <3

Here's two lists! List one is stuff Richey definitely read, as in it's something he mentioned or referenced in lyrics/interviews/album booklet or setlist quotes/etc. List two is stuff that I can extrapolate he likely read, due to the things I know he did read. Note that a fair amount of these come with various trigger warnings. Again, I've read most but not all of these, so I can answer questions about a good number of them.

Oh, also, this totally slipped my mind from the last list somehow. The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides was definitely a book Richey read; the Manics use a quote from the film version (which came out after Richey's death but they said in an interview they thought he'd have liked it) at the end of Doors Closing Slowly.

Definitely read: -Catcher In The Rye by JD Salinger -American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis -The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides -The Dice Man by Luke Rhinehart -1984 by George Orwell -Confessions Of A Mask by Yukio Mishima -The Plague, The Stranger, and The Fall, all by Albert Camus -A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams -Lipstick Traces by Greil Marcus -The Birth of Tragedy by Friedrich Nietzsche -The Torture Garden by Octave Mirbeau -Borstal Boy by Brendan Behan -The Divided Self by RD Laing -Notes From Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky -Novel With Cocaine by M Ageyev -Bernice Bobs Her Hair by F. Scott Fitzgerald -Black Rain by Masuji Ibuse -Under The Volcano by Malcolm Lowry -Frisk by Dennis Cooper -Bartleby The Scrivener by Herman Melville -Homage To Catalonia by George Orwell -Heart Of Darkness by Joseph Conrad (which is what Apocalypse Now was based on, and the film was one of Richey’s major obsessions at the end of his life) -Brave New World by Aldous Huxley -Rumblefish by SE Hinton -Being And Nothingness by Jean Paul Sartre -Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z Brite -The Atrocity Exhibition by JG Ballard -High Rise by JG Ballard -Birdy by William Wharton -The Trial by Franz Kafka -Suddenly Last Summer by Tennessee Williams -Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov -The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin -The Wretched of the Earth by Frantz Fanon -Lord of the Flies by William Golding -Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis -One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey -Birdy by William Wharton -Thirst For Love by Yukio Mishima -Miracle Of The Rose by Jean Genet -The Drowned And The Saved/So This Is A Man/Escape From Auschwitz, all by Primo Levi -The Diary Of A Young Girl by Anne Frank -Last Exit To Brooklyn by Hubert Selby Jr -The Loneliness of a Long-Distance Runner by Alan Sillitoe -Four Quartets by Hart Crane -The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri -The Pursuit Of Loneliness by Philip Slater -Society Of The Spectacle by Guy Debord -The Naked And The Dead by Norman Mailer -Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl -Illuminations by Arthur Rimbaud -Dialectic Of Enlightenment and Minima Moralia by Theodore Adorno -The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan -One Day In The Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn -The Hero With A Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell -Naomi by Junchiro Tanizaki -SCUM Manifesto by Valerie Solanas -The Lives Of Michel Foucault by David Macey -Rethinking Camelot by Noam Chomsky -The Anxiety Of Influence by Harold Bloom -The Unrest Cure And Other Stories by Saki (HH Munro) -King Lear by William Shakespeare -Confessions by Saint Augustine -The Day Of The Locust by Nathaniel West -Tom Jones by Henry Fielding -Bird Man: The Many Faces Of Robert Stroud by Jolene Babyak -The Demon by Hubert Selby Jr -The Waste Land by TS Eliot -Songs Of Innocence And Experience by William Blake

Likely read: -The Outsiders by SE Hinton -Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury -Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf (features a suicidal main-ish character) -Post Office by Charles Bukowski -The Prophet by Khalil Gibran -Knots by RD Laing -On The Road by Jack Keroauc -No Exit by Jean Paul Sartre -The Sickness Unto Death by Soren Kierkegaard -Junky & Naked Lunch, both by William S Burroughs -Valley Of The Dolls by Jacqueline Susanne -The Runaway Soul by Harold Brodkey -Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller -The Tin Drum by Gunter Grass -Austerlitz by WG Sebald -Betrayal by Harold Pinter -Invitation To A Beheading by Vladimir Nabokov -The Story Of O by Anne Desclos -Lucie’s Long Voyage by Alina Reyes -120 Days of Sodom by Marquis de Sade -The Traitor by Andre Gorz -The Man Of Feeling by Henry Mackenzie -This Way To The Gas, Ladies And Gentlemen by Tadeusz Borowski -The White Rose by Inge Scholl -It Can’t Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis -On Revolution by Hannah Arendt -Being There by Jerzy Kozinski -Heliogabalus: or, the Crowned Anarchist by Antonin Artaud -Resuscitation of a Hanged Man by Denis Johnson -Mysteries by Knut Hamsun -We by Yevgeny Zamyatin -Almost Transparent Blue by Ryu Murakami -Venus In Furs by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch -How I Became One Of The Invisible by David Rattray -The Story Of The Eye by Georges Bataille -The Blue Of Noon by Georges Bataille

Also, there's a lot more of my ramblings and writings about the Manics on my other blog @meta-squash under the "manic street preachers" tag, if you're interested. (And I do love talking about them, and Richey especially.)

ETA: I went through all the (text) interviews of the Manics and wrote down every book they mentioned in interviews or lyrics and posted it up here.

[obviouslybooks]

autumn reads

Some of the highlights of September and October so far have included spooky and Halloween-ish vibes, real life horrors like shipwrecks and plane crashes, and things that just belong to the lovely patch of time between summer and snow. Here is what I’ve read.

The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty

The Grownup by Gillian Flynn

Persuasion by Jane Austen

In The Woods by Tana French

The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro

The Devil All the Time by Donald Ray Pollock

The Girl with All the Gifts by M. R. Carey

American Gods by Neil Gaiman

Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

Dread Nation by Justina Ireland

Pet by Akwaeke Emezi

The Corn Maiden and Other Nightmares by Joyce Carol Oates

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

The Shining by Stephen King

The Black Cat by Edgar Allan Poe

The Masque of the Red Death by E. A. Poe

I’m currently reading

Dead Wake: The Last Crossing of the Lusitania by Erik Larson

The Babysitter’s Coven by Kate Williams

i’m hoping to read

I’m Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid

Solitaire by Alice Oseman

The Women in the Walls by Amy Lukavics

Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z. Brite

Salem’s Lot by Stephen King

The Whole Cat and Caboodle by Sofie Ryan

A Familiar Tail by Delia James

Pretty Girls by Karin Slaughter

What have y’all been reading this season? What’s next for you? Are you going creepy for the halloween season? have you read any of these? what did you think?

[leahxx129]

The Last Descendant (Sam Winchester x Reader) pt.1

The idea for this fic series was born many-many months ago and I even started writing it then, but I ran out of inspiration. Now I’m fully charged and almost done, so I’m going to start posting the chapters. If everything goes as planned, there will be five parts. I hope you enjoy! :)

Summary for pt.1: You are after a vampire but when you finally get the chance to eliminate him, a stranger unintentionally sabotages your plans, almost getting both of you killed in the process. 

Warnings: decapitation, implication of sex

Word count: 1.780-ish

* picture source: Giphy

It’s almost midnight and the bar you are in is thriving. Loud piano music and raucous laughter fills the air besides the smell of cheap booze and smoke. It almost makes it hard for you to concentrate, but just almost. After all, you are you and if there is one thing you are damn good at, it’s keeping an eye on the target no matter what. And tonight, your target is a vampire. Your muscles tense up in your body as he finally signals to the chick he was hitting on to get out. You wait a couple of seconds before you start following them. The chilly air outside awakens you even more. You take a left turn to the alley where you’ve last seen the golden locks of the girl he was with and you get hit by something huge and heavy – to much of your surprise a man has been thrown at you like a rag doll.

„Oh, he’s got a partner!” the bloodsucker says in a way too loud and cheerful tone to your liking, given your head is still slightly buzzing from the impact. „Back in the days, hunters picked their partners more carefully, sweetheart!” he adds sarcastically „The idiot came at me with nothing but his bare hands.”

You can hear his footsteps getting closer and closer so you gather every ounce of strenght in your body and push the moaning man off you. Just as you get up, the vampire grabs you by your throat and lifts you up, your toes barely meet the ground.

„You know… you’re fairly pretty for a hunter.” he breathes as his teeth start  descending. „You’re gonna make an exquisite corpse.”

„I’m… I’m n-not… a hunter!” you manage to spit out while clawing at his fingers for air.

He draws his eyebrows together in confusion, slightly loosening his grip, which allows you to pull the hidden machete out of your overknee boots. Before he could react, the blade glides over his neck effortlessly, but not deep enough to decapitate him. He immediately lets go and stumbles backwards, choking on the venom that’s invading his system. A small smile forms on your lips. The blade’s working. Honestly, you were quite certain it would, but in your line of work nothing brings more pleasure than getting proof up close. The blonde’s blood-curdling scream makes you realize she’s still there.

„He’s not human, girly! I ain’t gonna do anything to him he doesn’t deserve.” your reassuring speech doesn’t seem to comfort her at all, which results in you losing your patience and starting to yell „You know what, just get out of here! Move! NOW!!”

She never stops sobbing and trembling but does as you command her. With her gone, you turn back your attention to the vampire. He’s fallen to his knees, still choking. You can see the fear in his eyes - the kind you only see when they know they’re gonna die - and it gives you satisfaction.

„You know… you’re kind of not that ugly for a monster.” you give him a taste of his own medicine „You’re gonna make an exquisite headless corpse.”

A fraction of a second later his head rolls by his body and stops somewhere beside the dumpster. 

Your mind is racing. Killing him on spot wasn’t exactly how you planned the whole ordeal. You wanted to follow them to the guys apartment, wait for the girl to go home, and get done with it there. The body would have been discovered days later and by then, you would’ve been at least two states farther... If you do a sloppy job and leave evidence the whole thing could be traced back to you and you definitely don’t want that. Your train of thought is disturbed by the man who landed on you. He seems to have gained conscousness and tries to get up. Boiling anger spreads through your veins as you stride to him and yank him up by his jacket, not being intimidated by the fact that in vertical he’s a lot taller than you.

„What the hell were you thinking, dude?! You almost got us both killed!” just as you finish your sentence the strong smell of alcohol hits you right in the face „Ugh, Jesus, man! Is there anything in that bar you didn’t drink??”

He shrugs, mumbling something that suspiciously resembles to ’water’ when the idea breaks through.

„Do you have a car, Abercrombie?” He nods. „Great. And do you have the keys as well?” Another nod. „Awesome. Where did you park?” He starts off but almost instantly trips in his own leg. If it’s not for you, he’d end up flat on his face. „Woah, woah… take it easy, buddy! You know what, just give me the keys and I’ll get the car. You wait here.” you extend your hand to him.

He eyes you up and down suspiciously but ends up handing you the keys anyway.

„It’s an Impala a… a block away… be careful with her. She’s my brother’s car.” he grumbled in a deep voice. The raw emotional expression on his face takes you aback and you comply, something which you rarely do.

„Okay… I will.”

You can’t help but smile at the room service guy’s awkardness as he puts down the breakfast you’ve ordered in front of you. Your satine bathrobe is a little too low cut and a little too short, which of course doesn’t escape his notice. The small pink blotches on his cheeks give him away instantly.

„Thank you, hotstuff!” you say winking when he’s finished serving. The compliment cathces him off-guard and he lets out a nervous laughter, then turns to leave, almost knocking off a vase in the process.

The door closes and you make a mental note to tipp well when you check out of the hotel. You’re definitely not a snob, but if you have a chance to choose between a run-down motel room or a hotel, it isn’t really a question. You can afford it, so why not? You pour yourself a huge cup of coffee, go over the bed and pull the curtains apart to check on Mystery Guy. Still comatose. Alright. You get back to the dining table and start to consume your meal when Mystery Guy begins to groan.

„Mornin’ Abercrombie!” you greet him as he’s scanning the environment squinting. His eyes pop wide open as soon as they land on you. Naturally, his first intinct is to search for his gun under his pillow.

„Lookin’ for this?” you swing the gun around your pointer finger. He pulls a face as he rubs his temple. „You see, I thought it would be your first move and I don’t like being pointed at with a gun, so…”

„You took it. Of cousre you did...” he tries to sit up but groans as pain shoots through his body.

„Easy, pal! You had what I’d call a rough night, I’m even surprised you’re in a condition to speak.”

He furrows his brows.

„Why? What happened last night?” a thought hits him and he checks under the covers. „Did we..did we uh… is that why I’m naked?”

You’re trying your best not to burst out laughing.

„You mean did we have wild and kinky sex and that’s why every fiber in your body is aching?” he nods shyly. „Nope. I’m not the reason for that, sorry. However, I am the reason that you are alive and kicking right now.”

„Care to ellaborate?”

„Sure. Last night you got so hammered that you went after a vampire without a single weapon. He was about to rip that pretty face of yours off, but then I stepped in and saved your bacon-”

„Speaking of… who’s that ’I’, exactly?” he interrupts.

„Very subtle... My name’s Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N. You weren’t a man of manners either, Abercrombie, so I’d appreciate a name drop as well.”

He seems to blush a little at your pet name for him.

„It’s Sam. Sam Winchester. So now you can stop calling me Abercrombie.”

You almost choke on your coffee. There is no way in hell... You saved Sam Freaking Winchester’s ass?

„You’re bluffing.” you finally manage to vocalize.

„No, I’m not. Why would I?”

You eye him for a while. He’s right. Why would he lie about something like that? From what you’ve heard, everyone around the Winchesters has a tendency of dying too soon and no sane man would want to pose as a death magnet by claiming he’s one of them if he’s actually not.

„Okay. Well then, I gotta say… you and your brother made yourselves quite a name amongst hunters. Although not everyone’s a fan…”

„Really?”

„Yeah. Rumor has it that you saved the world multiple times but only because you were the ones who almost brought an end to it multiple times.”

He swallows hard.

„Do you believe these rumors?”

„I don’t judge people based on stories I hear, Sam, I judge people based on their actions I see.”

He nods in agreement.

„Anyways, let’s get back to what happened last night. After I’d saved you, I got your car and put the corpse in the trunk – which by the way is still there – and since you couldn’t really tell me where you were staying at, I brought you here. During the ride you leaned in and started smelling my hair. Insisted it smelled like vanilla and strawberries. Then you wanted to puke out the window, but it wasn’t even rolled down, so yeah…That’s still there too.” the horrid look on his face earned a small laughter from you „Wait, this isn’t even the best part yet. When we got here it took me fifteen minutes of begging to get you in the shower and when you finally finished, you came out of the bathroom in your birthday suit.”

„You’re joking, right?!”

„Nope, I can’t say I am. But don’t worry, I’m a lady, I didn’t look.”

You can see the redness of embarrassment creeping to his face.

„God, I’m so sorry. This is humiliating.”

„Relax, it can happen to anyone.”

An awkward silence falls to the room, neither of you know what to say next. You want to ask him why he went after the vampire drunk but decide against it. It’s non of your business after all and you don’t want to get involved. The blade is working, your job is officialy done in this town. You eat the rest of your eggs and bacon in silence, then go to the bathroom and get ready to leave. Sam watches you curiously as you gather your stuff from the room and head to the door.

„There’s aspirin and water on the nightstand for your hangover and there’s some breakfast on the table. The room is going to be paid for for today so feel free to stay and rest a little.”

„Thanks, Y/N. For everything.”

„Yeah, you’re welcome... oh, and the next time you’re on a hunt, try not to get yourself killed, Winchester.”

„Okay, will do!” he shoots you a shy smile as farewell.

[etherian-affairs]

For a fic prompt: Pygmalion/Galatea-ish concept where Entraptra finds Hordak (severely damaged cybernetics, powered down/sleep mode) & decides to rebuild him into the perfect Lab Partner (her umpteenth attempt at building one) w/o knowing what she’s going to end up with. Hordak wakes up to exquisitely repaired/partly rebuilt body, b/c Entraptra uses First One’s tech in the rebuild, so it’s that aesthetic blended w/Horde design (think Alita/Gally’s 2nd rebuild “angel” body in Battle Angel Alita).

HERE WE GO KIDDOS. I hope you like it friend.

This actually gets to be a crossposted with Ao3 because it’s long enough to meet my requirements for Ao3 posting.

Story under the read more.

Red across the board. Matching the state of the ship crumbling around Hordak. The would be Lord stumbles through collapsing metal corridors, barely able to keep his balance. The crash was devastating. He had tried everything to soften it but with so much crew already lost there was almost nothing to be done. Now it seemed the rest were gone too.

Soon Hordak would be as well.

He manages to get into the sanctum, the lab. A last ditch effort for survival keeping him moving. His body is ravaged. Beyond what even his species biology and his many augmentations can handle. As he steps into the sanctum his broken leg finally gives, the bone cracking and snapping. He howls in pain. So close to his goal. Slowly he drags himself with his one good arm to the secondary maintenance bay in the sanctum.��

He grabs at one of the dangling data cables and slams it into the port at the base of his neck, issuing commands quickly. Hoping the computers can still decipher them. As sparking damaged manipulators extend Hordak feels himself going under. His last moment of consciousness nothing but his diagnostic feed.

-WRNG: TTL_SYS_FAIL\\Fallback To Core Function Mode.\\Life Support Priority.\\Nanocyte Protocols Engaging.

…

The Fright Zone was dangerous they said. A lifeless land destroyed by the Dark Comet. A place that makes the Crimson Wastes look downright fertile! Hah! How wrong they were! You just had to know where to look.

Entrapta had been curious about this place her whole life. Years and years and years ago the Dark Comet fell out of the sky. It nearly wiped out the scorpion people entirely. They’re still a refugee people to this day in fact, with no land to call their own. The black Garnet Runestone was lost, presumed destroyed, at the time too. The Dark Comet’s crashing had changed Etheria a lot.

And from a distance it looked like it was made of metal. Refined metal. 

For decades it had been too dangerous to even approach the comet. People would get sick at the fringes. Further in burns and things would start to mysteriously appear! Even bots would fizz out and fail! but as time went on it appeared that the exclusion radius around it was shrinking.

Entrapta has been keeping track of the dissipation rate her entire life. 

Now her time had come! The energies that hurt people seemed to be mostly gone! And she had some extra protection she had developed just in case there were stray energies left on site! So Entrapta journeyed to the Fright Zone to be the first to see the Comet up close and live to tell about it.

It was wonderful.

Her theories were right. It’s metal. Not just that it’s constructed. Some sort of vast vessel! Larger than any person made structure she’s ever seen! She spends hours alone exploring the exterior. Falling back only as the light begins to recede from the world in order to rest, set up camp, and make sure she’s not getting sick. 

The next day she actually makes her way inside, and it is even more incredible than the exterior. It’s tech all the way through. Corridors apparently made for humanoid habitation. Dead terminals at regular intervals. Piled up robots of strange designs that seem to have run out of power years ago.

And the bodies.

It isn’t Entrapta’s first run in with the dead, in fact she has done her fair share of dissection and anatomy studies, but it’s still not a common occurrence and there are many here. That is unnerving even for the normally unflappable Princess of Dryl. Most of the dead are in armor or uniforms of different kinds. Their bodies eerily well preserved considering their age. Perhaps the energies that until recently made this place impossible to enter also stopped decay? That would be odd but anything is possible here. 

Entrapta takes her audio recorded notes and then tries to largely ignore the bodies that litter the Comet. They are admittedly interesting in many ways. They are yet more confirmation that the comet is some sort of vessel, and that many appear to be from species she has seen on Etheria. They are not something she likes very much though.

Inevitably Entrapta’s exploration leads her into a large throne chamber. An interesting place to be sure. The room off to the side is much more interesting however. The door is open and even from a distance she can see the many containment tubes within, some broken, others still standing with strange murky figures held within. Tools littering the floor. Bolted down tables some of which have items still on them somehow. This side room is a lab. She would know a lab anywhere.

It does not take long for her to see the body in here. It’s different from all the others in many ways. For starters this one is not like anything she’s seen on Etheria. Its species is completely unknown, some sort of batlike humanoid? It also clearly has tech integrated directly into its body! In fact there is a cable connecting it to��� well the vessel itself Entrapta supposes. The cable leads into a mass of them up above and she can’t track where exactly it all goes.

The body is heavily damaged. The limbs are all in various states of destruction, there are what are clearly large gashes on the creatures torso. She suspects that numerous bones must be broken. Yet at each open break there is an unnatural silvery film. Like a sealant. It’s strangely jagged and irregular and seems to move around itself like a liquid. It’s kind of like something Entrapta has seen from some first ones tech experiments she has performed, trying to make self repairing robots. 

Except this isn’t repairing, more like it’s just trying to keep things from getting any worse. Could this person have been a scientist? Trying to integrate first ones tech into the body to save their own life?

That’s when Entrapta sees the nearly imperceptible movement. This isn’t a corpse. This one’s alive. Whatever they did worked.

The Princesses entire plan for this journey changes immediately. 

She spends hours examining every nook and cranny of the lab. Gathering everything she can. Making trips in and out of the Comet to her little camp. Her work extends out from there, picking apart and salvaging from other parts of the ship. She needs tech, their tech. 

She journeys to and from Dryl more than once. Readying herself for what might be her greatest experiment, and what will definitely be her most harrowing. On the final trip she disconnects the lab entity from the cable attached to its spine. It took her awhile to be sure that would not hurt it, and she waited until it was the last thing to do even when she was sure. It’s also just not a pleasant thing to move this creature as the barely held together limbs start to really come apart at the slightest jostle.

It does not wake from whatever stasis it is in.

The final journey to Dryl is slow and careful, but once safely in her own lab the work begins in earnest. 

This lab creature is probably a scientist as she has previously noted to her recorder, at the very least it is more intelligent than the others aboard the ship. It’s alive. Entrapta can repair it, she’s sure she can. Secretly, deep down, she hopes that maybe she’ll finally have that lab partner she keeps trying to create. They never turn out how she wants, she just doesn’t have the skills in making true thinking machines from scratch.

With that secret hope, and the theory that this thing must be a scientist, Entrapta decides on her repair strategy. She will give it the best science body she can! Which given that this is Princess Entrapta also means it will probably be a great body for warfare too! She seems to just make weapons on accident a lot of the time.

Initial exploration of the flesh is promising. There’s tech woven all throughout the body that she can piggyback off of. She has this creatures salvaged tech from the ship to make use of too. Thus the broken limbs are tossed aside, unneeded. Internal biological organs are atrophied and weak. Whatever is keeping this thing alive is focusing on the brain. Entrapta will lean in to that. Don’t need most of those then.

Still most of this will be original work and integration will be difficult. The Princess soon decides on a radical solution. She will use First Ones tech as a bridge, and an enhancement. Some of what’s going on with the lab creature looks very similar to First Ones tech anyway! So it will almost definitely probably work! 

At first Entrapta worries the creature will suddenly awaken, giving her a big startle, but that soon doesn’t appear to be likely as it just lays there half dead even as she digs into its body with knife and power tools. There’s a joke about being a heavy sleeper there somewhere.

Limbs, organs, and flesh are all replaced with tech and metal. The more she works, the more she realizes she needs to remake or else she won’t be able to integrate it all. The only reason she can do this at all is that the silvery film and the First ones crystal she has chosen as a base seem to be able to attach to each other. Soon enough though a repair job becomes a total rebuilding of the creatures body with First Ones tech at its core. The initial synthetic components within being almost all she can keep. 

It’s exciting. Princess Entrapta is pushing the boundaries of known science. She is combining First Ones, Etherian, and Alien technologies all together with biology she barely comprehends. She has no idea what the end result of this will be yet even that unknown is too fascinating to ever let her stop and think about the potential consequences of her radical actions.

When she’s finally done she realized that she has no idea how to wake the being up. It’s actually kind of funny. Still the creature remains alive, if non-functional, and isn’t going anywhere. She has time to figure out how to boot it back up.

…

-SYS_CHK-STS_UPDT\\Foreign Hardware Detected.\\Initializing Integration Stack.\\Compiling System Profile.

The diagnostic feed was all Hordak knew of the world beyond his own mental prison, and it was not much. A quiet eternity of his consciousness being occasionally fed an array of error messages and warnings he could do nothing about.

When one of the system checks finally detected a change he had a brief nanosecond of shock before his consciousness returned to the black box dreams that kept him sane.

-STS_UPDT\\Hardware Profiling Complete.\\Compatibility Registration Underway.

Profiling and Compatibility Registration?  Whoever was working on him wasn’t Horde. The checks wouldn’t be taking multiple stages to complete with approved replacement parts.

Again his mind falls away before he gets a chance to really ponder what is happening to him.

-STS_UPDT-SYS_RBT\\Compatibility Registration Complete.\\Rebooting Core Functions.\\Rebooting Extended Functions.\\All Systems Online.\\Re-initializing Higher Brain Function.

Hordak gasps as his senses return, as his mind can touch a world outside of the blackbox keeping it alive. His fingers curl and claw into the metal table he’s on. They literally dig into it. That’s not quite right. He raises his arm to look at it and finds an alien limb there. A completely synthetic arm and hand. Impeccably machined metal and tuned actuators. It looks like Horde tech, yet not. There’s foreign influence, clean lines and coiled strength. Gleaming chromium metal that glints in the light of wherever he is. 

Then he realizes that the rest of him is the same. Looking down he finds his body largely replaced. Metal plates interlocking and familiar combined with what seems to be some sort of memory alloy to create flexibility. He has seen nothing quite like this in all of his years. How did any of this integrate?

Before he can pull the hardware profile up and begint to try to decipher what has been done to him he notices he’s not alone. A short woman with ridiculously long hair is staring at him in surprise from near a large display. He’s about to speak when she gets the first word in. 

“WOW! I was looking in to how to wake you up but you just did it yourself! How? Why? Did you know you were being repaired? Did you know I was done? How though? Oh! Sorry! Welcome to Dryl! I’m Princess Entrapta I rebuilt you! What’s your name?”

Hordak is taken aback by the loud spunky attitude before him. There’s a lot to process here. Inevitably he decides to simply answer her questions. “Hordak. My name is Hordak." 

There is much for both of them to learn.

[gophergal]

On this Jolliest of All Hallows Eve's, I have decided to rewrite and expand on this short thing I wrote last year-ish. Well, actually I wrote it a while back, but I feel like it's the right time to post it now :) Happy Spoopy Day, Y'all!

We Are Beautiful

Word Count: 666 | Rating: M | Original Fiction | Warnings: Body horror, eroticism, gore, cannibalism (?)

She is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Milky skin glows pale in the moonlight, tight and soft over her form, a stark contrast to her piercing black eyes. They shine like endless voids. The look in them is hungry and determined, ready to swallow me whole within their dark abyss should I allow it. There is nowhere I would rather be. Her bare body is warm against my own, a barrier between the rapidly cooling air and I. A gasp is drawn from my lips as she captures them with her own. Those red rose petals work tirelessly to make my head swim with endorphins. It makes the event easier, less painful, she tells me. Just relax, she breathes against my jaw as she grazes my lip with the elegant points of her teeth. Sharp and shining silver like a row of knives. I cry out as they dig into the sensitive tissue, flooding my senses with the heady copper of my own blood. She laps at it gratefully, black tongue probing at the broken skin in a silent apology. Her clawed fingertips run over the exposed skin of my spine, light enough to avoid drawing blood. It is still enough to cause pain, a sensation that swirls heavily in my stomach. The touch is meant to soothe her mate, but it only serves to drive me mad with sickening desire. I whimper and press my body flush to her, pathetic human desire desperate for her careful ministrations. She laughs at me, the sound a deep chattering that reverberates through her chest. All hesitation leaves her now that she knows how much a I want this. Claws dig firmly into my sides to lock me in place as flesh is torn from my face. The feeling is unbearable, euphoric. I take note of the sticky, hot blood pouring off her chin in shimmering droplets. Through the haze of pain and pleasure I chuckle at the sight. My lover is such a messy eater. That delightful tongue swipes over the stain and dips back into the wound she’d caused. Her saliva, mildly acidic as it is, burns exquisitely. Time stretches into something unrecognizable as she devours me. The searing pain never fully leaves, but it becomes a more pleasant experience with each careful bite she takes of me. She avoids the vitals intentionally. Though she hates to make me suffer, it is a necessary evil to ensure we have enough time. I feel my consciousness wavering in and out. The thrill of it forces me to groan, my voice broken. It is at first like falling asleep, but soon I exist both in and out of my body. I feel like I’m swimming in midair. At the same time, I am rooted firmly to the earth. Everything she does to me is simultaneously dampened and intensified. I sob. So close to the end goal. The last thing I see before the end are her many eyes glittering like black pearls. Finally, it is over, and it feels better than anything I have ever experienced. The tight, milky skin is like a protective hug. Our closeness is unreal. To have her inside of me and I inside of her. We are melting together. Our edges bleed into a mid-ground. Amazingly, I can see my rapidly cooling corpse through her hundreds of eyes. The husk dangles limply from the claws impaled firmly into it sides. What is left of the pitiful human’s face is contorted in agonized bliss. Its flesh tastes divine. There is no need for words as our consciousnesses intertwine. In all the places we meet, energy bursts in a way that would have me seeing stars before our merger. She brings me over the edge to such an orgasmic satisfaction I feel lost. She feels the same. Our pleasure, our love, our minds are all as one. We are a single being, feasting on the remains of a lesser being. We are beautiful.

[2boldlyqueer]

Tagged by @tiredtief ! :D This was fun, but also took me so dang long holy fuck. everyone I initially thought to tag also has long urls and I don't recommend they do it anymore xD but if you want to do it go for it

Rules: make a new post + spell out ur url with song titles, then tag as many people as there are letters in ur url.

2 - 26 by Paramore

B - Burned Out by dodie

O - Ordinary(ish) People by AJR

L - Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have WIthout Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic at the Disco

D - Disfigured by Rag'n'Bone Man

L - Listen Before I Go by Billie Eilish

Y - Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy

Q - Quarter Past Midnight by Bastille

U - Uninvited by Alanis Morissette

E - Ex's and Oh's by Elle King

E - Exquisite Corpse by Watsky

R - Redshift by Darwin Deez

[howdoiliveanymore]

12/21/21 2:09 am

such a pretty time to be posting and day!! just read poppy z brites exquisite corpse and it was fucking magnificent i could go on and on but i’ll spare you but as a gay i really appreciate her. please know not in a she’s doing so much for the community way but other whatever that’s as much as i care to give you. anyway what i wanted to say was for someone who’s 2 years clean of cutting (?) 1 year free of self harm give a couple months, my room sure is filled with everything i need to relapse minus a razor which is practically readily available in the form of actual shaving razors you can crack the plastic easily and peel the blades away it’s not hard and you get 2! i have alcohol triple antibiotic gauze medical tape and bandaids i think i even have butterfly stitches those might be all gone now, mainly i just used alcohol and possibly antibiotics unless they were deep then i would use butterfly stitches to hold them together or bandaids if the other wasn’t there to hold them together long enough for the scabbing to take hold and hold it together by itself. i would rather die then go to my dad and have what happened last time happen. i waited 3 days to go to him because i couldn’t get the fuxker to close and nothing i had was working i was young and inexperienced and had just found my first actual razor blade that was fresh from the packaging(like what a razor that you replaced the blades with, the aesthetic one not one of my cheap flimsy mf’s out of dollar razors) i could see the first layer of fat that white shit. well the stuff above the fat. it wouldn’t stop fucking bleeding. anyway. i was nervous and didn’t want infection so i went to him to close it up, he said it needed stitches but it was too late for that (is that possible?) anyway he held it together and i learned more like how to never show him how mentally fucked up i was ever again i made the same mistake 3-4 ish years later when trying to overdose but whatever ‘you just want the attention of the hospital’ still haunts me. trauma trauma how fun rn i can feel the phantom blood dripping down the sides of my thighs because i would sit legs out and cut on my floors, i cut to tear never far enough to see fat/muscle but close. my thighs are fucked and not the light scraping cuts i see some doing the fucking deep ones. but not the tear to bone either. too much to hide and would have to go to hospital. just enough to maim. sorry i’m on a manic ish state rn. i had not the best sex of my life yesterday and got a cut from barbed wire to prove it. i hate men i rlly do, if they can’t hurt me they serve no purpose. i love women so much especially when they hurt me that’s just a lil bonus for me. a lil treat. i’ll crash soon enough body cannot maintain what my mind wants and demands hahah get fucked. thighs are itching to be cut but i know i’ll regret it and i have restraint now. plus too much effort. that in the end is what got me to stop it was too much effort and i was far too depressed and traumatized to keep going i was so tired. and some other stuff but the tiredness hasn’t gone away actually none of it has i would argue quite easily i’m more traumatized now by a fuck ton. m running out of steam the flesh of my side still burns but it’s a reminiscent one. gn 2:27am

[maybeleas]

Movie Review: The Handmaiden

General review of The Handmaiden:

Two words to describe this stunning work of art. It is an erotic elegance. It is a beautiful work of art, that most people would not appreciate. This move is subtle and brash, at the same time. This movie tells the story of three people, Hideko, a mistress of a very rich heirloom, Tamako/Sook Hee her handmaiden, and a deceitful conman. This story plays and twists the plots in a very aggressive way, turning the story a complete 360 degrees the moment that the viewer thinks they know the story of the movie. What you think you know in the first hour of the movie, is drastically changed in 5 minutes. It takes the mind of a genius to be able to figure out what happens before the movie ends, and I was absolutely blown away by the end. It is a story of two unexpected lovers, the greed for money, and the unsettling fear of sexual abuse. A mindful warning to those planning on reading this blogpost and watching the movie, this movie is an 18+ movie with a handful of sex scenes, so watch with your own caution.

What I liked most about the movie was the contrast between the soft, subtle and naïve characters with the strong, psychotic, and dark plot. The strong plot pushes these naïve characters into the ground, breaking their insides and exposing them raw on the floor. It was an amazing sight to see how these characters slowly changed from their gentle selves into hard characters, but the scary thing is that they only seem soft on the outside, but on closer inspection they were left completely dead inside from all the mental and physical torture they had to endure.

The production of the film was exquisite. The gorgeous gowns and kimonos of Hideko were fit for a mistress of riches, the living quarters that incorporated Japanese and American living cultures, the scenery of the entire film. Everything was flawlessly placed to awaken a sense of beauty in the viewer. Also, Hideko is a very beautiful and awe-inspiring woman, with pale skin, full lips and big eyes. Her beauty matched the beauty of the scenery very much. This movie also portrayed both Japanese and Korean languages alongside their culture. This film is not merely a film of 2 hours and a half, but it is a stunning work of art, perfect for movie enthusiast to delve into. It’s dark and twisty turn of events only made the ending more enjoyable to watch. A complete 5/5!

 The actors & actresses

Hideko, the mistress is portrayed by South Korean actress, Kim Min Hee. Firstly, I truly applaud Kim Min Hee’s amazing and powerful acting into bringing life into Hideko’s living corpse of a character. Hideko is very subtle in her movements, often looking up with her wide and strong gaze that often leaves men and women alike weak in the knees. Kim Min Hee manages to make her character seem cold and lifeless, but alive with passion in certain scenes. You can see how Hideko is truly broken from all those years of the sexual and mental abuse her uncle gave her, running her into the ground with everything that pervert had. The actress did a beautiful and splendid job at holding up Hideko’s china doll demeanour but she allowed a little window for observant viewers to see the living dead of her character. It was truly overwhelming seeing her go from being a naïve and soft character, that even Tamako said ‘she wouldn’t even notice if someone pulled her nipple,’ to a strong and rebellious woman that took the things she wanted, unapologetically.

Hideko should’ve been a very difficult character to portray. She is a victim of long mental and sexual abuse, with a twisted childhood. She grew up with a blank mind, only following the orders and needs of her disgusting uncle. She was a beautiful yet completely dishevelled corpse, only nodding when asked. To be able to portray such a fragile character would require amazing skill, and that is exactly what Kim Min Hee did! Just like Tamako, I was blown away within 5 minutes of seeing her on the screen. Her subtle movements of her body accentuated the words she spoke, and made her look more & more innocent. As she spoke, she would look up into the eyes of Tamako, her hand would push away her long hair, and her body would slightly move into her. Kim Min Hee is definitely an outstanding actress, who did more than enough to make Hideko an iconic character. She deserves an award for being brave enough to take on such a scandalous and risky role, but her acting, without a doubt played an incredible part in the movie’s beauty.

Moving on, the role of her handmaiden, Tamako was portrayed by Kim Tae Ri, a South Korean actress. Her baby faced demeanour and small frame captivated me very much, it was puzzling how she was one of the main characters when I was first watching it. As the movie continues on, I could definitely see why. Although Kim Tae Ri is just a small framed person, she manages to bring Tamako’s daring personality alive. Also, Kim Tae Ri is a beautiful woman, with almond eyes and an adorable baby face. Paired with Min Hee, they were an iconic lesbian duo. (Yes, a lesbian duo. Deal with it.) I loved how Tamako went from being a person who only wanted to put Hideko into a mental asylum to take away all her possessions to becoming Hideko’s lover who cared so much for her. Her refusal to participate with the Count’s plans was the final confirmation I needed, Tamako was in love with Hideko, and she only wanted her, and no one else.

Tamako is a bright and confusing character, with plenty constantly going around in her head. She thinks of the plan, Hideko, herself, all in one breath. Kim Tae Ri manages to bring up both sides of Tamako, her submissive side towards Hideko to her stubborn personality facing the Count. She was definitely the ideal contrast to Hideko’s graceful movements. She was clumsy and instinctive, yet Kim Tae Ri balanced it all perfectly. I truly loved her role as Tamako, and truly believe she wasn’t just Hideko’s handmaiden, but she was Hideko’s right hand, beside her, and not behind her. She stood equally as her, and Hideko appreciated that very much. Tamako’s support and protectiveness towards Hideko was beautiful to see, and Kim Tae Ri was just as a good of an actress as Min Hee. They both completed each other marvellously, and matched each other very well. The casting of these two in the film was perfect.

Count Fujiwara was the deceitful and money greedy Korean conman, who was a man full of tricks. He only wanted Min Hee for her money, and didn’t have an ounce of shame to try to hide it. He was played by Ha Jung Woo, also a South Korean actor. He isn’t only an actor, but is also a film director, screenwriter, and film producer. Seeing all these roles he plays, it isn’t completely baffling to know why he definitely aced Count Fujiwara’s character in the movie. Count Fujiwara was a plain character who didn’t have anything to hide, he just had bad things up his sleeves, and he planned on seeing them through, no matter the consequences. What he wanted, he would get. He didn’t take no as an answer, and manipulation and tricks were his ultimate weapons. His character was sly and a complete bastard. He tried cheating BOTH of them?! Like hello?! He spoke lies like it was completely normal, and didn’t even flinch. He was a strong and annoying presence, and Jung Woo played this character extremely well. He managed to be a conman, a seducer, a businessman, and a genius in 2 hours and 47 minutes. Unfortunately, he also became dead in 2 hours and 47 minutes.

I will not touch on Hideko’s uncle, as his character is truly sickening. I can’t even and won’t even begin with him. He is as soul as the blank ink on his tongue, and he deserves nothing but death.

 Iconic scenes...

1)      The scene where Tamako destroys Hideko’ s uncle’s library. This scene was a powerful tribute, because that was something Hideko wanted to do so badly. Tamako threw and ripped the books that contained Count Fujiwara’s imitation art, and tore the entire library apart. She splashed red paint/ink on the books and art, and threw them into the water well inside the room. If you could notice, Hideko is the one who dunks the remaining red ink onto the books inside the water well and she timidly pushes a stack of books into the water as well. Before that, she only followed Tamako around the library, doing nothing to stop her as Tamako destroyed every inch of her uncle’s beloved library. At the end, Tamako destroys the ‘snake’ guarding the door, and they leave the destroyed library, laughing together, running off into the distance.

2)      The scene where Hideko is reciting poetry inside the library. Okay, the perverted men listening were disgusting to look at. But what I really liked about this scene was Kim Min Hee ‘s acting. Again she proves her brilliant acting. Hideko has to read erotic poetry, yet Hideko sounded perfectly innocent and pure reading it out loud. She gazed out at the men with big eyes, and read each page slowly with grace. Kim Min Hee did a breathtaking job at this particular scene. I had to rewind to watch this scene again, taking it all in. She really did THAT.

3)      The sex scenes. Firstly, this was labelled as a mature movie.  But, although this wasn’t my first mature film, I can assure you that the Handmaiden has done a completely amazing job at every sex scene, especially between Hideko and Tamako. The sex scenes were tasteful and sophisticated, it was nothing hasty or messy. It was delicated and erotic, but with complete elegance. It wasn’t trashy or porn-ish in any sense, but it was very tastefully played out. It was gentle and sexy, without an aura of heat. It was more of a passionate, love affair compared to a mess. A personal favourite is the scene at the end, where Hideko and Tamako uses the Lover Bells.

4)      The scene where Count Fujiwara gets tortured by Hideko’s uncle. He deserved every piece of suffering and pain. I was disappointed to see that the uncle did not unleash the octopus onto the Count. But seeing his fingers getting cut off and hand being drilled was good enough for a fun time, I guess. Also, not only did he die, the disgusting uncle also die. Double yay! The scene was short, but just perfect enough for you to be happy to see them both suffer, painfully.

Overall, this movie was very carefully crafted into becoming a very iconic movie. I would suggest this movie to people who are not afraid to stumble into something a bit more darker and mature than what they’re used too, but it’s worth the watch.  Goodluck to everyone watching!

[justfollowmyhansel]

October 15th -- One, Two, Three, ‘I Love You!’

The next morning went more or less the same as the other two mornings in Japan had: Miya and I got up when her alarm went off, had breakfast (for me this time, the rest of my food from the previous night), and had tea.

We generally went over the plans for the day including changing something from my itinerary. Originally, I was going to check into the hotel before going to the show so that I could already have the majority of my stuff dropped off before heading out and since there was no curfew, potentially spend more time stagedooring should the possibility arise. Unfortunately, after seeing the map of where the hotel was relative to the Hikarie, Miya didn’t think that I had left myself enough time to get back to the venue and up to my seats before the show would start and advised that I check into the hotel after the show. I agreed. So far, I hadn’t gotten lost at all, but even if everything went smoothly, the timeline would have been too tight to realistically be comfortable with. Besides, the original reason for wanting to leave that evening open ended had more or less resolved itself out of being an issue. We ultimately opted for me to come back after the show and pick up some of the stuff that I’d leave with Miya for the evening before heading to the hotel. I had until 11pm to check in and the show was earlier than it had been either of the two previous nights. Realistically, I should have had time to go to the show, eat, and find the new shopping area that I had been told about the previous night.

I mentioned again to Miya about how seeing the Hedwig shows were making me wish that I had a ticket to see John’s movie premiere and double checked with the airline that it was still only the $400-ish dollars to switch the plane reservation dates and that it hadn’t gone up even further since the last time I had checked. The date-change price was still the same, but it didn’t matter if I didn’t have a ticket to the movie. Miya very kindly looked to see if there were any movie tickets up for resale on one of the sites we had used to get a closer seat for the Osaka show than the original row M that we had won in the lottery. (As well as a couple of other sites.)

While she looked, I started doodling the look that I wanted for if — when— I was able to see the movie. For about a year, when I did my makeup I had added a small black star under my left eye because of David Bowie. He had always been aligned with celestial bodies for me from the Ziggy Stardust era to TMWFTE to his last album being titled Blackstar. It seemed like a fitting tribute to him to have a star doodled by my eye considering in the video for Jean Genie, he had an anchor by his right because of how Elizabeth Montgomery had done her makeup as Serena on Bewitched. I also opted for some small contouring to exaggerate the sharpness of my cheekbones and a blue lipstick like the one I had just bought from M.A.C. (but there was another one that I had had my eye on.) Also while I waited, I drew on my own arm Hedwig’s name in silvery Japanese and a gold version of her blonde wig beside the last character. When I showed it off, Miya said that it looked good enough that it could easily have been mistaken as written by someone who had written Japanese their whole life.  

It took some searching, but Miya found one that might work. I didn’t want to switch my flight or hotel reservations until I knew for sure and we wouldn’t know until the ticket was delivered the next day (or Tuesday.) I was glad that I had more or less already sorted my things that morning into the things that I would take with me to Osaka and the things that I didn’t need to bring, but had required either thus far on the trip or were in case of emergency. I opted to leave behind the purple water bottle that I had brought with me, but not yet used on the trip. Miya and I had agreed that I would come back to her place after the show to drop off any things I picked up.

Before I left, Miya suggested that we take a picture together so that we could show Risa and also so that we could have a photo of the pair of us meeting in person – a further way to memorialize the trip and a better way for us to remember each other beyond our further digital communication.

Miya had asked that I go down to the station entirely by myself this time and having walked the relatively straightforward route twice already, I felt confident that I could make it on my own without any hiccups. Outside of confirming which platform I needed to get on of the two similarly named ones at Tabata, I arrived without running into any issues.

In what ended up being a coincidental stroke of brilliance, I took off my hoodie to reveal my David Bowie t-shirt at the exact moment that Young Americans started playing over the theatre’s speaker system. It was one of the earliest times that I had arrived for any of the shows and yet, I still had this sense of being late. (Up until this point, only the first night’s performance had seen an earlier arrival from myself.)

Shortly before going, Miya had remarked something along the lines of not having heard the new encore song that John had mentioned wanting to perform in Japan a few months ago. It had been mentioned in one of the earlier interviews discussing the shows. I also thought that it was strange that he hadn’t performed it yet, but a lot can change in two months so I had thought that perhaps he changed his mind about wanting to perform the song at the end of Hedwig at all.

The show itself was wonderful. I still had the distinct feeling that Saturday night’s was the best in terms of whole-show delivery, but some of the individual scenes or songs were some of the best performed overall, specifically Angry Inch and everything from the trailer scene with Tommy through the end. It was the first time in four performances that Hedwig said to Tommy ‘What’s wrong?’ ‘I love you.’ ‘Then love the front of me.’ That line has always been so powerful to me. For a long, long time, whenever that line was delivered I would start to cry because of the meaning within the text. And to myself. And hearing it for the first time in Japan -- hearing it for the first time live, almost brought back that feeling for the first time in months.

Somehow, I managed to not actually start crying at that point and kept it together until almost the very end where Hedwig sings ‘And all the strange rock and rollers....’ Then I lost it about as hard as I did seeing RENT earlier this year during Angel’s funeral. I actually thought I’d have to leave the theatre crying and that I’d have to explain to people (patrons, staff, whomever....) that ‘No, I’m fine, I just really love this show and tonight’s performance did me in more than the others.’ 

It was the last night in Tokyo and possibly the last night I’d actually be seeing John in Tokyo if the ticket for the movie didn’t pan out. And as incredible as this experience had been, after the show was actually over, there’d be one time left to see John as Hedwig this trip -- this year -- ever?  All of that somehow found its way bound up into the delivery of my favourite line and then a few minutes later into delivery of one of my favourite songs.

Of course, Midnight Radio wasn’t the last part of the show that night. Like so many other dates, John came out at the end with Ataru and introduced the band, himself, and Ataru and gave a few comments, remarks, asides... that Ataru translated for him into Japanese so that the majority of the audience could understand. And then they did the encore song. ‘The End of Love.’ It was very beautiful. He was beautiful. The lighting....was beautiful. And at the very end, one last time, John came out with his phone and requested that everyone in the venue on the count of three yell “I love you.”

And then it was time to go.

One of the stand-out things from that night’s performance was that during Exquisite Corpse, when Hedwig and Yitzhak end up pushing against each other’s hands, fighting for dominance within the narrative, was just how real the fighting felt. Like there was an actual rage behind it for Hedwig and a power that she was using to physically push against her husband and that she was using to push back against Hedwig with. In terms of acting, it was absolutely incredible. Some of the other particular stand out moments from that show included all of the screams Ataru did (Angry Inch and Exquisite Corpse, very notably) and Random Number Generation.

Once again, after the show I found a less-occupied bathroom, washed my face and hands, and started about completing the small amount of fun errands and things I wanted to accomplish that day. I had thought about going to one of the other restaurants in the Hikarie to get a pork cutlet bowl. Silly, yes, given that the reason that in particular had caught my eye was because it was mentioned in Yuri! On Ice, but it made a certain amount of sense given that I had enjoyed the show, John had enjoyed the show so much he made it the theme of his birthday party that year, I was in Japan, and that I would, in fact, have to eat something that night. But seeing that I wasn’t hungry yet, I chose to run my errands before heading back to Miya’s, getting food, and then heading out to the hotel.

The first thing was going to the M.A.C. booth once again. One of the things that I had done while I was waiting to find out if getting a ticket to see the movie was even still possible, was to design the makeup look that I had wanted to wear if I was able to go. So far, I had been relatively bare faced when seeing Hedwig, but I wanted to be able to be overtly punk rock when I went to the movie. That would mean buying some makeup since I had left all of mine at home, but clothing-wise I should have been relatively set, having narrowed down my clothing options to either my David Bowie saxiphone t-shirt from Hot Topic (photo by Mick Rock) or my distressed Union Flag t that I had only brought with me to sleep in. Both would have been pretty punk rock, but Miya thought the British flag was for sure the one to go with. 

Before that night’s, I had stopped by to see if I could refind a lipgloss I had thought about for the previous night -- a blue similar to the lipstick that I had, but with an iridescent quality that the blue I had bought just didn’t have. I couldn’t find it, but I did find a couple of others that I wanted to try on top of the blue that I did have and a very patient and helpful makeup artist who let me chatter on to her about Hedwig and John and How to Talk to Girls at Parties and how the show was wonderful for so many reasons, not the least of which was one of the major changes in the staging for Japan because of what it was, what it meant for two of the main characters, and what it generally could mean for the show going forth. I also showed off a drawing that I had done on my arm that day before leaving Miya’s house. I thought that it was be a nice touch for the lift up your hands part of the song and I don’t know if Hedwig or Yitzhak would have seen it, but it was something that made me feel a little more a part of the show than apart from it for that performance (especially considering very early on, I had opted to not do any cosplays for the shows since I didn’t know how I’d fit just all of that into my bags given everything else AND all the stuff I was anticipating buying.) 

The makeup artist was very nice and in addition to helping me basically see my makeup sketch be visually realized, offered to connect with me on Instagram later after she got off of work since she enjoyed talking to me and we could always chat with each other as a way to further our understandings of the other’s respective languages (she had studied in Canada for a year and a half prior to this so her English was much better than my Japanese.) We didn’t end up connecting later, but it was a very nice thing to have had happen in the moment. 

Sometimes, as is generally human nature, I get in my head an idea that absolutely has to work its way to its natural conclusion before my mind will be satisfied. In this case the idea that had gotten into my head was finding a particular pair of sexy stockings that I had seen in a lingerie shop the day before. That shop did not sell those stockings, but one of the clerks had suggested trying Shibuchka. The way that she described it–and the way that Miya translated it for me– made it sound like Shibuchka was an underground shopping mall both in the sense that it was under the train station and that it was a seedy, sexy underground shopping mall. A place where I might be able to find my packer or a binder (or whips…) in addition to potentially finding sexy stockings.

Before I left, the makeup artist gave me a piece of paper with ‘how do I get to Shibushka’ written on it so that I could find my way (and hopefully, my stockings.) So far, no one that I had talked to thus far about it had actually been there.

I ended up showing my piece of paper to a different woman on the first floor of the mall, who pulled out a map of the Shibuya Shopping District and circled approximately where I needed to go and how to get there. I followed her directions down basically to where the train lines and companies crossed under the buildings above. It was a whole underground system of shops, restaurants, and train lines that explained where just all of the people who were supposedly in Tokyo at the same time as I was always were when I was outside and relatively alone.

Surprising myself, I managed to find my way to the Shibuska shopping center relatively easily and to my greater surprise found that it was not some seedy sex dungeon themed place as I had first imagined, but a bright shopping district set up more or less like a flea market. 

I bought things at a lot of the booths including a glittery skull-print tie (for when I inevitably dress up as Hedwig and have my mother be Yitzhak), a studded bracelet (for the movie premiere), a pair of thigh high sheer stockings with a couple of inches or so of lace at the top (because of the crate show staging), three brightly coloured hair clip-in hair pieces (blue for the movie and pink and blonde because of Hedwig), and a few other assorted items because they were relatively cheap and definitely cute.

As the shops began to close, I tried to make my way back to the Hikarie to get the pork cutlet bowl and get on my way. I managed to get turned around and went to a different grocery store than the one that I had passed through to go to the shopping center. That one had been organic and this one seemed to not be as it focused more on different little patisseries and meat counters. 

I stopped at one of the pastry counters and ordered a strawberry shortcake to go since it was just so cute and they’re always so expensive to get in the US when they’re done up in kawaii Japanese stylings as opposed to the more American approach of dumping everything into a bowl or onto a plate and calling that good. I asked the man behind the counter how to get back to the Hikarie and he pointed me in the directions I needed to go.

Once I actually reached the Hikarie though, I began to think that I was running late! That I only had an hour to get back to Miya’s and then get to the hotel before I wouldn’t be able to check in! I hopped on the train and tried to rebook my plane and hotel tickets as a way to stop from freaking out over being so late. As it turned out, my adjustment to 24-hr time had not been a smooth one. It was only 8 and not 10, I still had a few hours to transfer everything over and then head to the hotel.

At Miya’s, I switched around my bag again, adding in a few of the items I had opted to leave at hers until after the show and dropping off some of the things I wouldn’t need again until I got back from Osaka like all of my new purchases from Shibuschka. Even after an unscheduled backing up of my photos and what-nots, I still ended up leaving an hour earlier than I had anticipated. An hour, it turned out, that I very much needed.

Getting the train to the right spot wasn’t the tricky part, per se. The tricky part was getting myself from where the train station let out to the hotel at night. In the dark. In the rain. With streets that went diagonal just as often as they went straight. In the middle of being turned around and starting to be frustrated, John started posting things from his time in Japan -- backstage photos, videos, timelapse takes of him applying his lipstick.... I sent a vaguely worded request for the back of his outfit in Japan (as much for cosplay and drawing purposes as anything else, tbh.) To my surprise, he actually responded, posting a photo of the back of his Tokyo cape. The timing of that and one of the songs from Hedwig popping onto my mp3, somehow conspired so that I was able to find my way to the hotel with just enough time to spare.

I checked in, took a shower, and texted my mother to let her know that my seven day trip in Japan had now turned into an 8 day one because I didn’t want to leave without seeing the movie and I didn’t want to leave feeling like the trip was somehow incomplete. 

Before going to sleep, I listened to the video of the End of Love that John had posted again as well as a few other Hedwig songs that I absolutely adored.