#experimenting on myself a little bit
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you'd think given how irrationally paranoid I am of unknowingly eating spoiled food that I wouldn't eat something i'm 90% sure the safety seal was broken on. and yet here I am
#shitpost#quil's unholy underworld#WHY do i do these things to myself#i literally get so anxious and irrational about spoiled food. for months I refused to touch milk my mother bought like 2 days ago because#/what if?/#and will just let things sit and rot and take that as proof it was rotten all along#which is why my ongoing 'whoops ate moldy food again' post is so wild to me#because like??? it's SUCH a big irrational fear of mine#and here I am. KNOWINGLY eating something that might be bad?#we'll see how I fare in a few hours#if I'm fine then i'll just. continue to use the sauce. so#experimenting on myself a little bit
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY KING 🗣🗣🗣
#fun fact: luffy's bday shares the same date as Liberation Day in my country#had the sudden idea to implement a halo in luffy art#and as his strawhat#idk but I found that very big brain of myself#there even was this quote about the sun god! will share that in a reblog later!#I was actually planning to draw stuff of other series (e.g. st/ardew) but loof's bday was suddenly here#it's not really proper bday themed art but the opportunity to merge my initial idea with this was right there#also experimented a little bit more in this one#rambling as always#monkey d luffy#one piece#op#o0kawaii0o
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Delicious Things
#guilty gear#baiken#anji mito#anbai#my art#sometimes you just gotta draw your otp slow dancing#I kept thinking of some of Wolf Alice's Blue Weekend songs when making this but then Snail Mail's Valentine also snuck its way in there#But occasionally I think about how maybe he'd be able to let her experience the more pleasantly mundane parts of life while traveling#and maybe for a little bit they can pretend that she's not out for a revenge that may eventually consume her#flash forward idk how many years and now they can do whatever they want and honestly? good for them#If I could get some more content of them dancing together I think I'd die happy but until then I gotta keep cooking for myself I guess
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#why no one told me that trying to get in the “grown up life” is so stressful when you have zero experience in a real work#All the skills you have are not enough#At the same time you didn't have rest at all after graduating because of the outside pressure#And I feel like I became deadly annoying#Let me complain a little bit I swear to god this is like 2 time after college when I want to complain at something I'm not that strong#What do you mean there is no sign “We want YOU as our worker!” ahagsha funny#I have to learn about 2 new programms on a basic level at least#Learn new things on Toon Boom#Prepare different portfolios when turns out I barely have something I can show#I was thinking too little and now I barely can think and I start being irritated at myself yet can do nothing since my brain rebels#Okayyy just 2 more months to see if something will turns out good out of what I will be doing
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GORETOBER Day 1 and 5: Slit Throat and Nosebleed
#I'm trying to experiment with different brushes and forcing myself to do a little bit of background if there is still time left#coloring is kicking my ass choosing decent colors is so hard😭😭😭#I won't make all the prompts arcana themed but for now 👌👌👌#also I won't post them in order because I think some of them make sense together like these two#the arcana#consul valerius#julian devorak#lucio morgasson#cw blood#cw violence#?????? Idk what warnings to use#I had wanted to draw something fucked un with val and lucio in so long 😭 need more messed up dynamics with these two#my art#goretober 2024#cw gore
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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Whenever someone says "This would kill a Victorian child." Or "This would kill a medieval peasant." I have to think about Machete. Would he... would he survive eating a Dorito?
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#I've never had doritos myself so I have no point of reference#I think they sell them here nowadays but it's a fairly new thing and I don't eat a lot of chips#they had spices in the past but they were extremely expensive#I think most of them had to be imported from South/Southeast Asia#India in particular#few could afford such luxury goods but if you could serve people spicy food it was a mark of wealth#so historically a lot of upper class dishes were extra flavorful#potentially to an overpowering degree maybe#it was a status thing#a dorito wouldn't kill him but I've mentioned he secretly tends to favor somewhat bland and unthreatening foods#that won't set off his sensory issues#he'll eat the various nutmeg cinnamon clove saffron ginger creations people serve to him because declining would be a massive faux pas#but it's not an enjoyable experience#answered#anonymous#give him some light broth and a little bit underseasoned chicken to eat with his watered down wine
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Sebastian had a few days leave from duty so he visited Eloise😇😇
#im literally OBSESSED with Eloise😩#and this AU😇🙏#they are maybe late 20s/early 30s here I wanted to experiment a bit#anyways I was reading A Little Life at the beach today#and ngl I was tearing up literally ALL the time!!! 😤😤😤#it’s just so beautifully written & I find myself relating so heavily and I get gut punches every few pages where I need to stop reading#and just process it#idk maybe I am sentimental today LOL#It’s just…it’s making me think about the fact that I’ve never really Belonged in any one place and neither have the characters#my mom is the product of Bulgarian/swedish immigrants to the US and my dad is a Spanish pueblo man 😂#and their experiences/culture/languages etc etc have shaped my life soooooooo much🙏#but like at the same time. too reserved to truly fit in with the Spanish but too open/blunt for the midwest#idk it is weird to explain#anyways I just keep moving forward & make my own way🙏🙏🙏#thank you for coming to my free Therapy Session in the hashtags (bc nobody reads these😂😂😂😂)#also if you did & you also read a little life please🙏 or if you want to talk about books in general🙏🙏#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise#oh also this is a recreation of a Porco Rosso scene😇😇🙏🙏#but I changed the colors a LOT & also a bit more when I sketched it up
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Do you think their menstrual cycles were synced...
#/silly#I am once again thinking about. Them.#ninjago#sotfs#ninjago vex#kori/IE#zane#ice emperor#experimenting with letting myself be a little bit more of a freak loser
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#stardew valley#stardew#stardew valley farmer#sdv farmer#stardew farmer#oc#my ocs are all nothing like me but with just little bits of my personality/experiences#other than that were all completely different ppl LOL#personally i like that better gameplay-wise bc im a HUGE immersive storyteller and being myself knocks me out of concentration 😂#i never get bored playing over and over again bcz im never the same person if that makes sense#peaches is probably the only black sheep out of all my ocs bcz shes just. sweet and nice and pink and lovely. and not completely deranged#shes prob my favorite one
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idk if a diagnosis would help me as an adult bc for the most part i am able to live relatively normally without shit actually impeding my day to day life yk aside from some things that could be written of an regular degular anxiety disorder but FUCK it would’ve probably changed my life as a kid.
#idk ive therapized myself to the point where i can function#except for my phobia of infestations which is starting to fuck up my life a little bit but im working on it whatever#but as a kid ? idk im only just realizing that everybody didn’t have elaborate rituals and mental processes#to prevent their houses from burning down. like that’s just not everybody’s experience and it might be more that just pyrophobia lol#that and thinking that my loved ones were dead every fucking night and having to check and pissing my parents off lmao#like it’s fine now it was years and years ago but#blayne#delete later
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✮ A little bit of chaos is fun.. don't you think? ✮
DARKHEART ICONS! official pieces of art by soda! icon masks are by lenqkeju and catnapng and can be found here and here.
250 x 250 & free to use, credit not necessary but appreciated ^_^
#phighting!#phighting icons#phighting darkheart#darkheart icons#edits#icons#darkheart#experimenting with my icons and posts a little bit. :P#wanted to try out icon masks with the art. i think they look neat!#thinking of trying to make phighting themed icon masks myself. bwaaaaaah
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”Don’t you dare touch my brothers again”
Red flashed in his eyes with disturbingly controlled fury. Legend stepped forward, the master sword held tightly in his hand. He raised it, the flat end of the blade turned towards what was left of the enemy- its infected blood coating the steel.
He speaks, His words a threatening growl. “Don’t you dare touch my brothers again.” ~~~~
blood warning! But don’t worry, it’s not his :)
click for better quality!
Without the lighting effects and his face isn’t covered
The sketch that was originally supposed to stay a sketch (they never do)
#This is the result of me trying to inspire myself out of artblock#I think it’s working#He looks kind of evil#and well…#maybe he is just a little bit#but I promise he’s doing it for the right reasons!#at least he’s trying to#linkeduniverse#linked universe#linked universe fanart#lu legend#tw: blood#Echo’s artworks#Echo’s colour experiments#No real context#Legend duel wielding
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my seniors have been so quiet all year and it’s been fine cause we’ve had a lot of writing/research to do but I need them to talk to me now so i was hit by a bolt of inspiration two days ago and I made them all tell me their comfort level with sharing aloud, rating themselves on a scale of 1-10. I then averaged the class score and they’re a 4.5. I then told them yesterday we needed to raise the score the tiniest bit. And the 1’s and 2’s didn’t need to be 10’s just maybe 3’s and 4’s. And they tried! They talked more 😭
#it’s sooooo hard because when a class is quiet my default is to assume you hate me#which is so hard because I need a response. which is why I actually can handle a loud raucous class pretty well because it’s just about#holding their attention and redirecting#but when they’re quiet it’s so hard. but i’ve really forced myself to be like ‘they don’t hate you they’re just quiet’#and they ARE#and actually they are reading (not all of them lol) and a lot of them want to learn#it was really helpful going to try to capitalize on this today#I had a moment a few weeks ago where I taught them a poem and it was crickets and I was like sigh they hate it and me#but then I said wanna learn another one? and like—seven of them nodded at me with big eyes and quiet enthusiasm#and I was like okayyyyy there is something going on#it feels so different teaching them than any other class it’s been a real learning experience for me#also yesterday we were talking about Jane Fairfax and Emma hating her lolololol#and Emma being frustrated with Jane’s reserve and I teased them a little bit#I said you’re not cold but you ARE reserved and I am Emma trying to get you to tell me about Frank Churchill at Weymouth#literally lol#ALSO it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday that this is the class where I need to tell them WHY I make them tell me all the plot details#and we go over it together#and the actual concrete purpose of it. cause it isn’t just book-clubbing it!#it has to do with guiding them through a novel but also teaching them how to do it themselves#I get so prickly when people think it’s just book club behavior#if I was in a book club i would be a tyrant which is why I belong in a classroom#ANYWAY I AM WASTING THE DAY AWAY#but i have woken up with great excitement because I’ve been mulling on the seniors all year#and I feel like I’m getting somewhere#teaching tag
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Have YOU been following my inconsistent and largely incoherent ramblings about my Curse of Strahd game? Ever wondered who exactly I'm talking about when I refer to "the fighter" or "the rogue" in our party? No? TOO BAD. This is my blog and I do what I want, up to and including writing up a little who's who on the party in question.
Under a cut, of course, because I'm not a monster.
The Barovia Tour Group
Elowyn "Wyn" Bannon
Played by yours truly. From a noble family out of Neverwinter, whose recently acquired nobility stems not from blood, but from the fact that they helped open a bunch of mines on a minor lord's land and made him a ton of money. Wyn abdicated this responsibility thanks to some unpleasantness with her brother (of the "died and came back wrong thanks to her" variety) and ended up in Barovia as a nice little nightcap to her terrible awful no-good very bad luck. A tiefling cleric of the grave domain, she is currently functioning as the team's plan-maker and guiding hand, which she absolutely should not be. Well-spoken, practical, and extremely grim even in comparison to Barovian sensibilities, except when her very ridiculous sense of humor is tickled by the party wizard. Which is often. Has a soft spot for him, and for the party fighter.
Francis "Frank" Nigel Fourter
If you catch the very stupid joke of his name, you win a prize. A farmhand gone wannabe swordsman, Frankie began his losing streak to the hands of fate when he joined up with what he thought was an adventuring party and what ended up being a roving group of bandits. This revelation came to him as they were actively robbing Wyn, and while he helped her escape and swore an oath to protect her for the rest of the trip to Waterdeep, they were left with nothing but a waterskin and a handful of gold between them. They joined up with the fateful caravan that dragged the entire party into Barovia shortly after, and I'm sorry to say that poor Frankie's luck hasn't improved much since. Earnest, good-hearted, and loyal maybe to a fault, Frankie's obsession with stories of wandering do-gooders and with his battered copy of "Van Richten's Picture Guide to Monster Hunting" has figured largely into his protective nature. The party fighter, with lofty aspirations of paladinship. Might be the only one with a positive integer as their strength modifier. Himbo extraordinaire, as described by his player. Got traumatized in the Vallakovich house and all he got was this lousy t-shirt.
Orxim Brynhildr
Another Neverwinter native, Orxim is an artisan goldsmith whose proficiency with tinkering has earned him a space as the party artificer. He fumbled his way into Barovia with the rest of us because he was traveling to Waterdeep with his old guildmaster's mark, having recently inherited it upon said guildmaster's death. Which doesn't sound QUITE like how a master's title should work, but no one in the party knows enough about artisans guilds to question it. (Except maybe Wyn, but she has somehow managed to never be in the room when this comes up.) Courtly, studious, and maybe a little too keen on that book we got from Strahd's library. Very afraid of spiders. Acts like he learned noble etiquette out of a book, or from a bad TV show. Helped his master make the distinctive golden leg of a certain NPC before said master's untimely end. The second of our three human party members.
Tobias the Magnificent/Wizard of the Stars/Whatever other silly bullshit he's come up with recently
A wandering conman and self-made divination wizard, Tobias spent most of his time pre-Barovia swindling people out of their cash by plying them with his "fortune-telling" prowess. Flippant, self-confident, and particularly keen on uncovering hidden knowledge, Tobias has all of the makings of a bastard except that he can't seem to stop being so goddamn nice all the time. His penchant for absurd, straight-faced humor in the face of despair makes him one of the few fonts of levity in Barovia, and a central star around which the party often operates. Clever and incredibly book-smart, but with absolutely no charisma score to speak of. Obsessed with all things magic. Uses spellcasting to show off almost constantly, in a way that would be annoying if he wasn't so ridiculously theater kid about it. Got so freaked out by an encounter with an entity that wanted to make a deal with him for knowledge that he's been asking Wyn about finding god for a cleric multiclass. Gives startlingly good hugs.
Conner Silverblade
The party rogue. Hasn't deigned to share much about himself save that he lived for no small amount of time in a sewer. Keen on nothing so much as stealing anything he can get his hands on, even against advisement. Maybe especially against advisement. Had a run-in recently with some delicate cargo that made all of our lives difficult. The only other non-human in the party besides Wyn. He's HERE, I guess???
#oc crap#i need a curse of strahd tag#the wyn tag#wyn bannon#honestly i did this more for myself so that in the future I can look back on my original impressions of wyn's party#but i also think it's fun to read about other people's d&d parties so??? maybe other people do too??#also I'm really not trying to be snarky about the rogue#we genuinely don't know much about him and these are all a little tainted by wyn's experiences so. that's all I got#also also yes tobias has never told us his surname#if he even has one#he just keeps inventing more and more ridiculous titles for himself#hoping one day that wyn will get a chance to wryly refer to him as Mr. Magnificent#since he has addressed her as Madam Cleric before#which was admittedly not him teasing and was genuinely a respectful title#but wyn will simply HAVE to take the piss out of him a little bit#anyway hopefully this is interesting. and if not! next time maybe!
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friend at dance last night very casually reminded me that this fic is in fact the longest thing i've ever written. so maybe i could be a liiiiiitle nicer to myself about how long it's taking and how challenging i'm finding the process to be,
#sigh ....#i do NOT love that i've gone from updating every 1 week to every 2 weeks and now to every 3. maybe. if im lucky. god#hidey talks fic#IF IT HAS TO BE PERFECTLY MEDIOCRE FIC IN THE END COULDNT IT BE JUST A LITTLE BIT EASIER JESUS FUCKING CHRIST#beiran ep15 coda fic#chapter 4 is shaping up to be 5k tho. lol.#every chapter im like 'oooh. this will just be cleaning up what i have!'#*ADDS 2K TO THE CHAPTER*#whatever. im learning about myself and doing my best to enjoy the experience. surely thats something
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