#experiencing powerful emotions about this rewatch today

[remyfire]

FAMBILY.............

[the-rewatch-rewind]

New episode! Script below the break.

Hello and welcome back to the Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most rewatched movies. Today I will be discussing #36 on my list: Disney’s 2013 animated musical Frozen, directed by Chris Buck and Jennifer Lee, written by Jennifer Lee, from a story by Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee, and Shane Morris inspired by Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Snow Queen”, and featuring the voice talents of Kristen Bell, Idina Menzel, Jonathan Groff, Josh Gad, and Santino Fontana.

Frozen is the story of two royal sisters. The older, Elsa (voiced by Idina Menzel), has ice powers that she doesn’t know how to control. As a child, she accidentally injured her younger sister, Anna (voiced by Kristen Bell), who was healed by trolls but has no memory of Elsa’s powers. On Elsa’s coronation day, the palace gates are opened for the first time in years, and Anna meets Prince Hans of the Southern Isles (Santino Fontana) and is immediately smitten. But asking for Elsa’s blessing of their marriage leads to a fight that causes Elsa to unintentionally unleash her powers. Terrified, Elsa runs away, leaving the whole kingdom frozen. Anna goes after her and teams up with mountain man Kristoff (Jonathan Groff), his reindeer Sven, and a magical snowman created by Elsa named Olaf (Josh Gad) to bring back summer, and her sister.

I remember seeing teasers for this movie that made it look like it was about a snowman and a reindeer chasing each other around an ice rink, which seemed very boring. But my sister and I decided to give it a chance and see it in theaters. It had only been out for a couple of days, so we had vaguely heard that people seemed to be liking it, but we still didn’t really know what it was about, let alone how popular it would become. And I know I’m about 10 years too late with this advice, but I highly recommend experiencing Frozen for the first time in a crowded theater, before the hype, with no expectations, next to your sister with whom you have a close relationship. Truly one of my top 5 best cinematic experiences ever. I think I probably would still love this movie even if I’d been introduced to it in a less powerful way, but that first viewing has certainly impacted the way I feel about the movie to this day.

I still remember exactly how I felt when I heard and saw Let It Go for the first time. The song started and it was like, yes, good, an Idina Menzel number, I love Wicked, I’m here for this. And then that first “The cold never bothered me anyway” when she throws off her cloak gave me chills. My brain went, “Oh wow. This isn’t just a song, it’s a FEELING.” And it just. kept. escalating. as Elsa’s confidence grew and she could finally be herself for the very first time. By the end of the number, I was either in tears or too overwhelmed with emotion to even cry, I can’t remember which. Some kid a few rows behind us murmured, “Wow, she’s…way prettier than I thought.” And maybe I was just projecting the way I felt, but to me it sounded like the kid was really saying, “Something needs to be said here, but I can’t find the words.” It’s not that I’d never been moved by a musical number before, but this took it to the next level. And all of this is almost embarrassing for me to admit now, because Let It Go then became one of the most overplayed songs of all time and everyone got sick of it, but listen. It was overplayed for a reason. It’s an epic song, and Idina Menzel frickin kills it. I still stand by this.

Looking back on my other thoughts as I watched Frozen unfold for the first time shows me just how much amatonormativity – the idea that everyone wants and needs a long-term monogamous romantic partner – had affected me. I still thought I was straight, although my standard justification of “I’m not into dating yet but I’m sure I will be when I’m older” was feeling less and less valid, as I was then 23 years old. Anyway, I distinctly remember, during Love Is an Open Door, which is the song that Hans and Anna sing to each other soon after they meet, that my sister and I turned to each other and whispered, “I ship it.” And then Kristoff got thrown into the story, and I was conflicted, because I really liked Anna with him, too. I started thinking maybe Elsa would end up with Hans. And then Elsa wounded Anna’s heart with her ice, which only an act of true love could heal, and it did not even occur to me that that could be anything other than a romantic kiss. I thought Kristoff would bring her back to Hans, she would kiss him but it wouldn’t do anything, and that’s when she’d realize her true love was actually Kristoff. But while I was expecting things to not work out between Anna and Hans, I was NOT expecting Hans to be cruel, so his “Oh Anna, if only there was someone out there who loved you” was shocking and devastating. I thought the scene when Olaf rescues her and explains that “some people are worth melting for” was beautiful – the snowman was far less obnoxious than I’d been anticipating – but even then it never occurred to me that Anna would be cured by anything other than kissing Kristoff. And then. Fighting the blizzard and the ice spreading through her body, almost reunited with her romantic true love, Anna sees Hans draw a sword against Elsa. I’m sure if I’d been able to think clearly in that moment, I would have finally figured out what was coming, but all I could do was gape at the screen as Anna changed course and saved her sister instead. And with hindsight, duh, that was the act of true love, but for a second or two I legitimately thought she was now permanently frozen. And, like, here’s the thing. I’ve loved Disney movies as long as I can remember, so I’m not trying to insult them. But the studio that made Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast and Enchanted had so thoroughly convinced me that when you need love to break a spell, it must be romantic and almost always involves a kiss, that I couldn’t even imagine that a Disney film would ever treat saving a family member’s life as powerful enough for that. But Frozen did. Frozen went there. While I was sitting next to my wonderful sister, one of the most important people to me, this movie showed me that it’s okay for sisterly love to be the most powerful thing in your life. So at that point I definitely cried.

As far back as I can remember, the overemphasis on romance in movies has bothered me, but until then I thought I just had to accept it. Falling in romantic love was a universal human experience, so everyone said; naturally people wanted to tell stories about it. Obviously I’d seen movies, even Disney movies like Mary Poppins and Emperor’s New Groove, that didn’t have love stories before. But a Disney PRINCESS movie, that HAD romantic love, but showed a character actively CHOOSING a non-romantic loved one over a romantic one, and saving herself in the process??? That was mind-blowing. Even though I didn’t know I was aroace at the time, I knew I loved that message. So as my sister and I left the theater, we could not praise this movie enough, and for weeks and months afterward, I couldn’t get this story out of my head, and I didn’t want to. I saw it two more times in theaters, for a total of 3 views in 2013, and then bought the DVD as soon as it was released. The following Halloween I dressed as Elsa, along with thousands of girls 15 to 20 years younger than me. I ended up watching Frozen eight times in 2014. But then…I stopped watching it for a while.

Part of that was just because watching a movie 11 times in a little over a year is a lot, even for me, so I needed a break. But another part of it was people started really hating on this movie, and it got to me. Some of the criticism was legitimate – like, no, we really didn’t need another animated musical about white royalty, and yes, there are several plot holes – but a lot of it boiled down to: this thing is overwhelmingly popular and therefore it’s cool and edgy to say it’s bad. But I bought it. I felt embarrassed by my initial enthusiasm. I was way too old to be obsessing over a movie like this the way I had done in my early teens. Normally I don’t have much trouble loving the movies I love unapologetically, but normally the movies I love are old or obscure enough that the internet isn’t filled with hot takes about why it’s bad to love them. I still enjoyed listening to the songs, and I still defended it when I heard it disparaged in person, but after my 8 viewings in 2014 I didn’t watch Frozen again until 2019. And I only watched it then because Frozen II was coming out and I wanted to refresh myself on the first one before I saw the sequel. I was kind of expecting that viewing to convince me once and for all that I had gotten over it, but I had the complete opposite experience. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of that rewatch. I was reminded that I really do genuinely love and enjoy this movie, and I wished I hadn’t let the haters convince me otherwise. So I watched it once each in 2020, 2021, and 2022, which was partly because of the Disney watching project I did with my brother – we watched through all the animated Disney movies in order in 2020, and then we re-watched the ones we’d ranked in the top 10 in 2022 – yes, we decided Frozen is a top 10 Disney animated film, and no I will not apologize for that.

I think a big reason why I let myself get temporarily talked out of loving Frozen is because I couldn’t articulate what I really loved about it at the time, so I thought that meant I didn’t actually love it. But now that I know I’m aroace, it makes perfect sense. As I mentioned before, even at the time, I knew that seeing a character choose familial love over romantic love in a matter of life and death meant a lot to me, though I didn’t know the extent of it. And I related to Elsa and Let It Go spoke to me, but it took me a long time to recognize the extent of that too. As someone who has struggled with depression, I initially saw Elsa’s self-imposed isolation to try to protect people that ended up hurting them as an allegory for that disease, which I still think it is to a certain extent. Depression dulls all emotions and tricks one’s brain into thinking others would be better off without them, and that describes some of what Elsa is going through. But there’s also the aspect of hiding a part of herself that she knew she wouldn’t be accepted for, and finally breaking away from that to live as her true self, that a lot of LGBTQIA+ people relate to, which I didn’t recognize in myself at the time – and now I wonder if another reason I stepped away from the movie for a while was a subconscious fear of facing my own queerness. I know a lot of people see Elsa as a lesbian, which seemed to be confirmed by a couple of brief moments in Frozen II. While I would argue that it’s not quite canon yet, I wouldn’t mind if Frozen III makes it so – provided the story of Frozen III actually makes sense, unlike whatever the heck Frozen II is supposed to be about. What I’m trying to say is I don’t want to dismiss the Elsa is a lesbian theory, but to me she feels very aroace. She doesn’t seem at all interested in finding a partner, she just wants to hang out in her mountain ice palace by herself, which sounds pretty awesome even though I still don’t understand how she was going to be able to feed herself up there. Also, at the end of the first movie, she seems very surprised to learn that she has the capacity to thaw what she’s frozen by allowing herself to feel love. Elsa has been suppressing all of her emotions because she knows that her ice powers are harder to control when she feels things, which is again similar to depression. But seeing this through an aroace lens of constantly feeling like you’re incapable of the “correct” kind of love, I could see an aroace Elsa being aware of love as a thawing force, but thinking it had to be romantic love and that she was therefore doomed. So seeing Anna using their sisterly love to heal her frozen heart showed Elsa that the type of love she could feel was powerful enough, and that was all she needed to bring back summer. Like most of my aroace headcanons, I’m pretty sure this wasn’t quite what the filmmakers actually intended, but it works and it’s beautiful.

 Whether Elsa is intentional queer representation or not, even the straight romantic relationship in Frozen is unusual for a Disney movie. Anna and Kristoff’s rocky start leading to eventual feelings is nothing new, of course, but the way they leave it (at least at the end of the first movie, which I like to pretend is the end of the story because, again, the sequel makes no sense) is very sweet. They’re not officially dating, let alone engaged or married, but Anna presents Kristoff with a new sled, and he’s so excited that he exclaims, “I could kiss you!” And then he backs off and asks her permission and they only kiss after they both agree that they want to. This may not seem like much, but in a culture that tends to romanticize spontaneity and persistent pursuit at the expense of consent, especially in fairytales, it’s so wonderful to see asking for consent encouraged in such an adorable way here.

I think a big part of what makes Frozen work is that it’s all about subverting expectations. Before the movie came out, they set expectations that the snowman and the reindeer would be annoying, and then Olaf and Sven both turned out to be sweet and genuinely funny. Then at the beginning it makes you think it’s going to be a typical fairytale romance, but it turns out the prince is the actual villain. Plot twist villains are pretty common in this Disney era, and I’m not sure even I would consider Hans the best instance of that trope, but I do love the way the Duke of Weselton is established as a decoy villain, and that he’s voiced by Alan Tudyk, who had just voiced the plot twist villain in Wreck-It Ralph. At first I felt like the Hans reveal was a little too out of nowhere, but there are a few delightfully subtle clues that I completely missed initially, like how he sings about “finding his own place” when he’s pretending to be singing about Anna, or how he’s clearly calculating a way to incapacitate Elsa while making it look like he’s saving her. I would have liked a few more clues, but I also think it’s good to portray that red flags can be hard to spot. And then on top of that there’s the unexpected challenge to the amatonormative idea that romance is the most important and powerful form of love. It was all so completely different from what I was expecting, in the best possible way.

Clearly this movie appeals to people who are not aroace, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the most popular children’s movie of the decade is so focused on platonic love. A lot more kids can relate to familial love than to romantic love. And Frozen proves that you don’t have to eliminate romance from a story entirely to emphasize other types of love. When Anna falls in love with Kristoff, that doesn’t make her relationship with him the only one that matters, or even the one that matters the most, and that’s a message that we don’t get from nearly enough stories. A big fear that many aromantic people share is that all of our friends will eventually abandon us for romantic partners, due to the prevalence of the message that one’s romantic partner should be one’s number one focus at all times. Personally I’ve been fortunate enough to find people who value friendship as much as I do, and therefore want to maintain close platonic relationships whether they’re in romantic relationships or not, and I’m very grateful for all of them. But I know not all aros are as fortunate in that respect. So that’s why I keep emphasizing how awesome it is that in Frozen not only is one of the main characters potentially aroace, but the other main character who is not still chooses to save herself with platonic love instead of romantic love. Encouraging people to cultivate non-romantic relationships benefits everyone, not just aros, because putting too much pressure on one relationship to fulfill all or even most of one’s social needs is unsustainable, and often dangerous. When Hans meets Anna, he correctly observes that she’s lonely and desperate for love, and he hopes to manipulate her by filling that entire void himself. But he ultimately fails because, while Anna does desire romance, she wants to reconnect with her sister even more. Even though Elsa has shut her out for years, as soon as she reveals her powers Anna understands that her sister has been in just as much pain as she has. Instead of festering resentment, Anna is filled with empathy and compassion, which allows her to save herself, her sister, and the kingdom. We need more heroes like Anna. And while it may be overrated, overhyped, and a little underdeveloped, in terms of emphasizing the power of non-romantic love, we need more stories like Frozen.

Thank you for listening to me attempt to express my love for this movie. I still don’t feel like I’ve done it justice, which I suspect will become more and more of a problem as I continue to work my way up this list. If you want to hear about more movies that I love enthusiastically, remember to follow or subscribe on your podcast platform of choice, and leave a rating or review if you feel like it. This episode is coming out during Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, so I hope any of you out there who are or think you might be on the aromantic spectrum are feeling particularly appreciated and accepted. And if you’re not aro-spec yourself, maybe reach out to any aromantic friends you have and tell them you value them. And if you don’t know of any aros in your life, just reach out to any friend and tell them you care about them. Let’s spread lots of good non-romantic feelings this week! And the next time you get the urge to tell a single friend they need a romantic partner: don’t.

Next week I’ll be talking about another movie musical that I’ve watched 15 times, although that one is not animated and is decidedly not geared toward children. As always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times.”

[naysaltysalmon]

8 shows to get to know you

I was tagged by @emiliosandozsequence​!!💖

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood – I don’t think this one comes as a surprise to anyone who knew me before 2015. This was the show that got me into anime, the show that got me on Tumblr, and one of the most perfectly constructed stories to exist. So much of who I am is attributed to this show. Edward Elric’s determination even in the face of impossible adversity has helped me in so many ways since I watched this in middle school. I have watched this series at least 8 times over. The story and characters are perfectly cyclical, and the darker elements are completely earned. If you haven’t watched this show yet and you like anime, what are you even doing?

Hunter x Hunter (2011) – This is probably my favorite anime of all time and I highly doubt anything will ever top it (FMAB is a close second). This show carried me through some really depressing times in high school and early college. I made unforgettable friends in this fandom; my most popular fanfic to date is from this fandom. HxH destroyed everything I thought I knew about how narratives and characterization work. Every character is so 3-dimensional despite the seemingly simplistic storytelling. The animation is beautiful, the plot and characters are so endearing and sublimely constructed. Despite watching the entire series at least 4 times over, certain character moments will never stop me from crying for just how much these characters and this series means to me.

Spongebob Squarepants – What is there to say about Spongebob. The zany atmosphere, the absolute buffoonery. I would not be the master of meme humor I am today if not for Spongebob. I have no idea who I would be in general without Spongebob. As always, this counts for earlier seasons more than later ones, but my point still stands.

Fairly Odd Parents – Unfortunately, given its shitty creator and shittier new seasons, I hate mentioning this one at all now, but it’s true. Timmy Turner’s home situation and unflappable desire for mischief and adventure never failed to draw me in as a kid. I often wished I had my own fairy godparents to get me in and out of trouble, being the lonely kid I was. Timmy Turner is probably one of the first fictional characters I saw myself in in general, paving the way for the insanity of many others.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars – No one goes as hard as The Clone Wars when it comes to turning a meme-y prequel trilogy into some of the most powerful, compelling, and emotional storytelling to exist on TV. I already really liked Star Wars as a kid, and even the prequel trilogy, and yet I didn’t get around to watching this show until it was on Netflix in 2016. It changed my life; of course, Ahsoka Tano had a huge part in that. I expected her to be just another cartoon protagonist who would contribute to the fall of Anakin in some way, but what actually ended up happening and who she became completely floored me with its development à la Episode III. It’s so empowering to watch, and brilliant to behold its methodical unfolding.

Garden of Sinners – I have only watched this show twice, but both times it changed me as a person. Despite watching it originally in middle school, it has stuck in my mind as one of the most beautiful pieces of art I have ever experienced. That still holds true. I recently rewatched it in January. Shiki is such a nuanced, tragic, and compelling character. The dark topics addressed in the series are treated with a depth and nuance that I have seldom seen anywhere else. This series has really impacted how I approach storytelling to this day in my own writing, something I didn’t realize until this year. It’s not a show I remember all the details of, and yet so much of it defines my tastes and style now.

Helluva Boss – Listen, if you haven’t watched Helluva Boss yet, and you like profane language and adult animation, you’re missing out, man. Not only is this show absolutely hilarious with that kind of zany, dark, and random humor I enjoy, but the characters are so endearing and entertaining. The animation is unique and colorful. The latest episode (s2 ep3) really got to me, as did s1 eps6 and 7. Not every episode is an amazing hit, but this is the shit when it comes to indie and adult animation y’all, and if you haven’t watched it, you should go do that right now.

The Untamed (2019) – What can I even say about The Untamed at this point. I started watching it in September 2021 with a friend as a joke. It’s really hokey. The lighting is terrible. Some of the plot makes no fucking sense. But the acting is really good. And I was going along, thinking to myself “wow this plot is really stupid.” And I was right. It is really stupid. And then I got to the end, and the unreliable narrator villain reveals he’s actually a poor little meowmeow, and he’s the one who killed his divorcee clan leader husband. Oh my. And he goes off on a glorious homosexual rant about it. My heart. I must now dedicate my entire fanfiction career to this little meowmeow, and let me say, I have few regrets. I feel my writing scope and ability went from 10 to 100 in the span of a year thanks to this meowmeow. The rest of the show is fun now too, but god, I’m really only here for Jin Guangyao (and his husbands).

The only live-action show on this list is The Untamed. If that doesn’t tell you something about my tastes and my particular brand of insanity... I don’t know what will. Feel free to fill this out if you want!!

Tagging: @stupidbluejay​ @miricactusito​ @mattbear-music-nz​ @jackshade21​ @lizard-dumbass @arrysa-clair @wifiwuxians​ @dogs-are-rad​

[melloblueanimated]

Encanto Essay Series: Part 1 - Abuela Madrigal

Abuela Alma Madrigal: The Matriarch of the Madrigal family and mother of Pepa, Bruno, and Julieta. Rewatching Encanto a second time it is hard for me to like her and root for her. She has allowed the village to shame Bruno and has since passed on that shame to Mirabel. She has made both her son and granddaughter not feel good enough to be a part of their family. This greatly angers me as someone who has felt like an outsider growing up and not feeling accept by the community I lived in. I am here today, however, to try and delve deep into the psyche of Abuela and what has caused her to behave in this way.

1. Abuela's Hyper-vigilance

This is my family A perfect constellation

So many stars and everybody gets to shine

Whoa! But let's be clear, Abuela runs this show, whoa

She led us here so many years ago, whoa

Mirabel sings this line in the opening song of the movie "Family Madrigal". I have a lot to say about this song in regards to Mirabel but that'll be for Part 3 of this series. This song immediately establishes Abuela as the matriarch of the family. As a side comment to this lets look at this frame from the song.

Per the rules of cinema a 1-point shot like this establishes a feeling of power and importance. She IS the family Madrigal. Having a matriarch in a family isn't all that common. The matriarch of my family was my grandmother before she died. She was the center and the glue that kept my family together. So Abuela being a matriarch isn't the most substantial thing in the world. But the way she uses and abuses her stance as the matriarch is was is troubling. And it's due to her own trauma.

The Common Reactions to Trauma

According to Concurrent Treatment of PTSD and Substance Use Disorders Using Prolonged Exposure (COPE) as posted on Oxnardclinicalpsych.com, there are 10 common reactions to trauma (I recommend reading the article because it is pretty informative) but I'll quickly state the reactions that I see in Abuela:

Anxiety and fear

Re-experiencing of the trauma

Increased vigilance

Avoidance (this can be seen with the whole family quite frankly)

Grief and depression

Lack of concern and empathy for others

I see Abuela as a hyper vigilant and anxious person to the point of hyper-fixation. I say this because during "Family Madrigal" Abuela sings this line:

We swear to always

Help those around us

And earn the miracle

That somehow found us

The town keeps growing

The world keeps turning

But work and dedication will keep the miracle burning

And each new generation must keep the miracle burning

When I first watched Encanto I was thinking to myself why are the Madrigals so community oriented? This could greatly be a cultural thing seeing that this was set sometime in the early 1900's. I feel like most societies were very much community oriented. But I feel like with Abuela she does it as an offering to the miracle. As a thank you to the miracle she encourages her family to use their gifts for good. But this line in the song made me start to wonder if this is merely just a sign of her over vigilance. She has dedicated her life to keeping the candle burning in order to keep her home alive and her world in order. She has passed on the burden of this candle to her children, who in turn have passed this down to their children. The candle is a miracle, but is also a constant reminder of the trauma Abuela has gone through in her life. And unknowingly she has passed this down onto the next generation.

2. Abuela's Lack of Empathy

Almost every line she states in this movie is focused on casita and Encanto. Rarely is she concerned about the emotional and physical well-being of those around her. Just the miracle.

We mainly see this with Isabela:

This scene goes by very quickly but we hear Abuela and Isabela talking about the arranged marriage

Abuela: Such a perfect match

Isabela: So perfect

Abuela: So good for Encanto

Never is Abuela thinking "This is so good for Isabel!" Everything she does is for the greater good of Encanto. This is probably due to the fact just a scene before Dolores revealed that Mariano wants 5 kids, which feeds into her need to keep the Madrigal bloodline going.

We see this disregard for others again when Mirabel goes missing after finding Bruno and after the cracks in the walls start to form. Abuela is having a heated argument with Augustin about why he didn't tell her about the vision.

Abuela: Why didn’t you tell me about the vision?! Think of the family!

Augustin: I was thinking of my daughter!

Julieta: Mama you’ve always been hard on Mirabel

Abuela: Look around. We must protect our home.

Again a blatant disregard for her grand daughter's well-being. Abuela is reacting so much to the loss of her home and her husband that she can't even recognize and acknowledge the thoughts and feelings of the people around her. All she can think about is her home and the fear of loss.

And then finally it happens.

3. Abuela's Loss

You can see the fear and sadness on her face. She's reliving her trauma all over again. The thing she feared most has happened because she held onto it so tightly. She wanted to feel so safe and so protected from the world she didn't even realize she was hurting her loved ones.

By the end of the movie she regrets her actions and does see the error of her ways. I noticed that Abuela always romanticized her trauma as well. The way the story of Abuelo Pedro's sacrifice was told at the beginning of the movie is drastically different.

The romanticized version:

The hard-cold truth:

Noticed that in the romanticized retelling of her story her expression isn't NEARLY as broad. It's like any typical tragic story Disney would tell where we are told the pain of loss but we don't actually feel it/see it. When the story is flashed back again towards the end of the movie we finally see Abuela's true emotions. I believe this is because Abuela had finally reached a point of not being able to mask her emotions anymore. The whole family had been taught by her to ignore their thoughts and feelings and look "perfect" for their community and in return in front of each other.

Mirabel is really the catalyst in the beginning of Abuela's journey of self-healing which we hope will translate to her being more empathetic with her family but I feel like these types of things take time. It'll probably be a hard habit to break.

So I don't support Abuela and her decisions and how she has treated her family but I can see where it stems from. Losing everything that was precious to you can cause you to want to control the world around you to the point you are suffocating the feelings of those around you as well as yourself. She is a reminder to take care of yourself emotionally and mentally so you don't pass that trauma down to others.

[kellinrk800]

my thoughts on episode 11 of wonder egg priority

tw// neglect, possible abuse, murder, human experimentation

holy SHIT is there a lot to unpack.

first of all, everyone except ai and neiru have now experienced the truth of what happens when you complete the total amount of people to save. at the end of episode ten we saw momoe’s breakdown and panic’s death and at the beginning today’s episode we saw rika find out and mannen’s death. (i previously wrote that neiru and pinky had experienced it but after someone kindly let me know after a rewatch that it was in fact momoe, not neiru. sorry for the error)

however, ai is now the only one who knows about frill and what happened to her. speaking of, there are a RIDICULOUS amount of parallels between the two. i’ll be reblogging some posts that explain it a lot better than i ever could right after i post this.

what i really want to focus on is frill. despite her fairly questionable and downright evil actions, i can’t help but feel a shred of pity for her.

born out of quite literal boredom and under strict surveillance, she was almost destined to be unloved. she was not made to be a human, but simply something for acca and ura acca to love. in the way you might buy a doll for a small child. their mistake was adding such severe jealousy and stubbornness to something they had created to be perfection.

stuck at the age of 14 permanently, it’s no surprise her mental state was damaged. imagine the jealousy, the intense emotions, everything you go through at that age.

she is at least somewhat aware that she is artificial intelligence considering how open those who are around her seem to be about it. however, she does not seem to be keen on accepting it or believing it. after all, she is not programmed to. she is programmed to sense things in the way a human would. and that opens a whole world of other doors about how anyone could be an ai and not know it but i doubt wonder egg priority would get that meta this close to the end.

time to tie up all these loose ends. around midway through the episode we are introduced to a love interest (who i have forgotten the name of, apologies) who causes a split in acca and ura acca’s relationship (marriage), and she soon becomes pregnant with a child. a human child.

frill was programmed to be able to understand her parents in the way a daughter would. she begins to taunt ura acca about his husband cheating on him with the woman he loves and once she finally finds out that the baby is a girl, she decides to kill the mother.

the motivation behind frill’s mental deterioration is slowly becoming clearer and clearer. i strongly suspect that she felt she was being replaced with a human child and realised the inherent inferiority she was going to have once the child was born, and became overcome with jealousy. not only would she now have to take on the role to be a big sister (which she was not programmed to accept or do. she was programmed to be stubborn and jealous in the way a 14 year old girl would be) but she would lose the ability she had to be perceived as a human daughter by the parents who raised her.

imagine being created for the sole purpose of being the perfect daughter for somebody to love, and then being replaced. i am by no means excusing murder, but it’s hard not to see her motivation.

as punishment and as relief of acca’s grief, frill was then locked away with nothing but her ai machinery for anywhere between 12 and 15 years*.

enter himari, the child that survived despite frill’s attempt at murder of both mother and child. she is described as having “saved” ura acca and acca from their state after the mother’s murder and the abandonment of their artificial daughter. when we see her able to talk, she is shown asking ura acca to marry her once she is older to make up for the pain of the loss of her mother. she is stated as being in junior high at the time (*my timespan reasoning for the time frill was locked away). while this scene made me greatly uncomfortable, it might be to show frill’s impact and influence on himari. if they had come into contact, frill would arguably do anything in her power to gain back control of her parents.

perhaps himari asked this purposefully to anger frill, which is supported further by the fact himari was found dead (cause of death suicide) the night later.

suicide. what’s the entire theme OF the eggs? i don’t know about you but i can hear lightbulbs beginning to flicker.

ura acca and acca began research into girls suicides at that age, and found a steady surge around the same time as himari’s death.

acca and ura acca are trying to bring back himari, possibly their wife, and maybe, maybe just maybe frill as well. i think that is the real purpose of the wonder egg project.

we also finally have our answer as to why girls and boys suicides are different with wonder eggs! acca and ura acca are indeed sexists, just not about suicide.

i’ll let you do the rest of the theorising.

now for the loose ends that i don’t think can be tied up.

why are hyphen and dot named after punctuation? is their goal to bring frill back to life?

what was neiru’s family’s involvement in the wonder eggs? in fact, where is neiru?

is frill alive or dead? is there even a way to distinguish with someone in her state?

what happened to acca and ura acca to make them.. well, to make them like that? last i checked, turning into mannequins isn’t a symptom of grief. are they even alive?

MOMOE. WHERE THE FUCK IS MOMOE. GIVE ME MOMOE OR GIVE ME DEATH.

there are a shit ton of new, unspecified entities we’re learning about. what actually are hyphen and dot? are they AIs like frill? perhaps not fully formed? and thanatos and eros?

where do the girls go once they’ve been freed? is “freed” even the right term?

what did mr sawaki say to ai about koito? why did koito die? is mr sawaki going to have a bigger role than a consistently fucking annoying red herring after all?

rika’s father? why have that as a big factor in an episode conflict if it’s never going to be addressed again?

the sketchy lesbian representation compared to the consistent positive trans ftm and gay representation? why have the only canonically wlw character be a product of a harmful stereotype after treating everything else so respectfully?

and most importantly, how the FUCK is this going to get cleared up in one episode?

i don’t even think that’s possible. if it is, i’m really disappointed. after consistent excellent pacing, writing, storytelling, and everything else, cramming everything into the last couple of episodes is just cheap and annoying. if i wanted to drone on for an entire series before an explosion of poor plot points for shock factor, i’d just go watch the second season of the promised neverland (/hj).

the only somewhat reasonable explanation would be a second season, but it is a terrible media decision and i can’t imagine much, if any, good coming from it.

in conclusion, what the fuck. how the hell is this going to salvage itself in one episode?

also i wrote this entire thing while on my sleep meds. if there’s logical, grammatical, spelling or just general errors i apologise and i’ll fix them when i’m not half conscious.

[canaristas]

It's 2 AM but I'm rewatching Mafumafu's Hikikomori demo LIVE ga Shitai! Super Mafumafu World 2021 @Tokyo Dome.

I'm not gonna make it long because I actually still struggling to put my feelings into words, but if this turns out to be an "essay" then so be it. I mean it's past midnight. what's wrong that, right?

So, I was enjoying the vod when Mafu sung Punishment Game in minutes I-forgot-but-someone-make-a-timestamp-of-all-the-tracklist-in-the-comment-section-so-please-check-it-out, and I have to pause the video (you can literally see it in the image above). It is the third song he sung in the concert. The thing is, the lyrics of Punishment Game really speaks to me.

A little story time, growing up, I experienced some unpleasant treatments from my surrounding and peers at school. I only realize it again today that what I had to go through back then was so fucked up. I won't go into details but it went along the lines of me, oblivious of my own feelings, masquerading as that "I'm okay" kid every time someone say sht about me, slandering me that I was being a "troublemaker" at school and a girl who pretends to be sick all the time.

Truth to be told, I am actually, like seriously, sick. Both physically and mentally. It is not a serious illness, back then, I'm too scared to ask my parents to go to the hospital and have a check-up or something (maybe that's why those people slander me out of it), but I fainted, lose appetite, got severe headache and stomachache several times back then because of it. I can even brainwashed myself to be sick if I don't wanna go to school, and yes, it works, I really fell ill just by continuously saying to myself in my head that I'm sick. I'm that powerful back then.

I never really labeled any negative emotion specifically, I always named them as "I'm sad, I'm tired, I wanna sleep, I don't like this" then called it a day and never elaborate further. I'm that oblivious as a kid. The worse part is I am a people's pleaser, my circle of friends (not really actually cause I only have like 1 deskmate and 3 other "kinda close friends" back then lol) were all only talk to me at some points like when we have something to discuss or when we met, tbh not all the time too, so I never share any of my personal problems with them or even anyone, not even my family. I feel so overwhelmed back then, but had to always put my clown mask because sadly that's how people expected me to be.

Moving on to another little story time, I first knew about Mafumafu around 2016 on youtube. Vocaloid brought me to one of his video cover and then after that I learn the existence of utaite and him expeciallly. His original songs, Berserk, No Entry, and Punishment Game, if they were a person, splashed cold water to my face then fricking yelled "Ha! You understand me, huh!?" like, I was so shocked back then about how depressing and sad his songs sound like, and the most important part was that I CAN RELATE TO THEM TO SOME EXTENT LIKE HELLO!??? WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING CALLED OUT!???

That's why when I come upon Mafu's music, I feel weirdly connected to the lyrics, although not like words-to-words but like it clicked something in my head that what I've been doing is wrong. I then realized that what I've been through are actually messed up because it makes me throw away my emotion and never really listen to myself. For the first time ever, I boldly say to myself "yes, I'm sad because people are so annoying to me. I don't deserve such treatments, I deserve better, I'm not perfect as a human, but if my heart says that I am hurt, then I'm hurt".

"I hate it"

"I hate me"

"I hate everyone"

Those three strong sentences woke me up from my slumber, they awoken my "Hey, it's now time for you to learn about yourself, bish" personality. I then begin to little by little throw away my oblivious-kid personality and embrace the new personality that I got, even though, sadly I am still a people's pleaser (even until today lmao). I start to name my emotion, with an elaboration of course.

"I feel sick in my stomach because that mothertrucker is a fricking assh*le for slandering me, I don't fricking deserve that. I did nothing wrong. I was just feeling overwhelmed by all the pressure I got from my family and society that literally dictate and criticize me as a kid. I fricking hate this sht, and I am not wrong for feeling so. I am human. It's normal to feel disappointed. I am wrong for thinking badly about everyone but you guys did worse because you fricking practice and voice it out and say sht about it to me personally instead of keeping it just to yourself. you are being rude. I may not be kind inside but at least I'm not openly saying sht and bullying people just to make me feel better about myself".

Quotation above is one of the sample as to how I label my feeling when that certain memories being played up in my head. It may be nothing extraordinary or worth of praise but I'm proud that I've reached that level of understanding of myself and become better at putting my feelings into words.

On another note, after I learnt that Mafumafu was bullied in his past, I cried. I feel like I can also feel his pain when he sung. I can really relate to his scream in his song, because at some points, we are similar as someone who is the victim in bullying. As someone who had been mentally abused. My experience may be trivial to what he had gone through, and I can only relate to some of the lyrics that fit my situation and not the whole lyrics of the song, but I'm still thankful. I feel like he sung his pain out for me too, he screamed for me, he speaks for me too in his music. I feel included, not alone like how I used to.

Mafumafu's songs are powerful to me personally. His song influenced me as a person. For the first time in my life, I understand that I am just a human who are not perfect, and should never aim to become perfect. I realized that I don't have to always live up to people's expectations, that I just have to set my own expectations.

Berserk, No Entry, and Punishment Game teach me how to become myself and accept my pain. I'm not exaggerating at all. For me, at least that's where I start to walk the path which has shaped me as the present me. a grown up woman who finally understand a bit better of why she had to go through such sacrilegious treatments from her surrounding peers. That is, to become the better version of my old self.

Finally, I am happy to say that the grown up clown has now reach that certain level in which she would always gives no sht to any fucked-up treatments she received in her life, and definitely see herself out off any unnecessary emotion-draining nonsense situations that isn't even worth a second of her precious time.

Thank you Mafumafu for existing and for sharing your music to the world.

You helped me become a better version of myself.

And I'm so thankful that I can't put it into words.

I may not be your number one fan, but believe me when I said that you changed my life.

Thank you.

[duskwood-by-daylight]

Distance

You finally join the team on a mission, but Bucky gets injured. Maybe you're letting yourself get a little too close to him. Also, the team discovers Naked and Afraid. Part of the Breathe Mercy verse.

Warnings: bullet wounds, angsty angst, cursing, Tony is left out, very found family vibes

Word count: 1980ish

A/N: I love Naked and Afraid so naturally it makes an appearance. This probably should have been two chapters but here we are. As always, 18+, minors DNI. Don't steal or copy or whatever. Feedback always appreciated.

When Natasha's voice calls out "Barnes is hit!" your whole heart drops past your stomach, right out of your body, and plummets into space. Hearing his pained groans through your earpiece only makes it worse. You can't see him on any of the screens, but you can hear him panting, trying to catch his breath, my gods he's drowning. Steve quickly grabs your hand, trying to reassure you.

"He's gonna be okay, sweetheart."

"I'm going to get him." You grab the microphone away from Steve, "James, stay there! Apply pressure! Can you breathe?"

"Doll?" His voice is a weak gurgle almost lost in the chaos. "S'that m'girl? M'okay sweets."

"I'm bringing him back. Stay cool, sweetheart." Sam's voice, strong and powerful, makes you realize just how faint Bucky's voice is.

You collapse into the chair beside Steve and hide your face behind your hands, trying to swallow down all your emotions. You're combat trained, you've experienced much worse than hearing someone get shot, but "Nobody was supposed to even be shot at today. What the hell, Steve?"

"Bucky has a way with people." Steve's charming smile calms your nerves a little more. Every cell of your body is thrumming with adrenaline and you see a faint blue spark between your fingers. Not now. Keep hold. Steve must see it too. "You want to go wait with the doc?"

"No. I'm here to do a job. What's next?"

"Hey, doll." Bucky grins helplessly from the medical cot. Your focus bounces between him and the doctor, finally landing on him. Despite the torrent of emotions, one reigns supreme: relief. He jerks away the oxygen mask, earning a frown from Dr. Cho, who is bandaging his arm. I could gladly wring his neck. "Don't you hey doll me. What in the actual fuck, James?"

"I'm fine, sweets. Gonna be just fine."

"You got shot."

"And in a few days, I'll be completely healed. You know this." He grits his teeth while Dr. Cho prods at his bandage, making sure it's secure. 

She gives you a knowing smile as she leaves. "He's going to live, but he could use a good yelling."

You lean back against the wall, glaring at the ceiling. This is one of the first missions you've been allowed to join, exclusively to observe Steve run surveillance and the comms. The mission was a simple one, just basic information retrieval and yet he still managed to get shot. 

"James Buchanan Barnes, the ability to heal super fast does not negate the fact that you were shot. Twice."

Bucky gives you his best puppy eyes, "C'mon, baby doll. Are you really gonna yell at me when I have bullet wounds?"

"You're lucky I don't shoot you a third time." You glare heavily at him before turning away. In truth, you're trying to keep your composure and being angry at him is so much easier than showing him how upset you are.  Now seeing Bucky's cocky smile makes you understand why they shot him. 

"Doll, look at me." You refuse, fighting back the tears that are threatening to start. It doesn't matter if he heals really fast. He's not immortal. You feel his vibranium hand caress your arm lightly and sigh, "Y/N, please.  Don't shut me out."

"I've lost enough people." If not for his enhanced hearing, he would've missed your words. The admission hurts, but you don't shy away from it. After you were captured, HYDRA wiped out every person you loved, making you watch and rewatch the footage. Forgotten about by your soldiers, erased from your family, you're still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everything to vanish again. And despite your best efforts, these people have wormed their way into your heart, and that includes the surly brunette reaching out for you. He lost everyone, too. Even Steve for a while. 

"Hey, you're not gonna lose me. You think I'm gonna die and leave you with Sam? Or worse, Steve?"

You hang your head and after a deep breath, regain your full composure. "Your sense of self-preservation sucks. Stop getting into stupid fights, Sergeant Barnes."

"Sergeant Barnes?" You can hear the affronted tone in his voice. "You really are mad at me, sweets." He nudges your arm and you finally meet his eyes. 

"Furious, Bucky."

After that incident, you decide to put a little space between the two of you. With your hungover realization of feelings and post-gunshot confirmation, I'm getting in way too deep here. Just need to get my footing again. We're practically coworkers, this isn't going anywhere, it isn't like that. You can no longer deny how your heart flips over in your chest and you can't breathe when Bucky smiles at you, especially after noticing his scowl toward everyone else. Can't I just have this one good thing? I'll keep it to myself. But no, because if you let it, it'll blossom into full fledged feelings and then you'll have a real problem when he tells you you're just a friend or worse. Better to step back. He won't even notice and he'll probably be relieved. 

You sit beside Tony in meetings, spar with Natasha, and spend your free time with Bruce in his lab. The first night that you go to bed without Bucky, he's too tired to think much of it, but by the fourth night, he's irritated. When you come out of your bathroom, Bucky is sitting on your bed, idly flexing his vibranium fingers. And of course, your traitorous heart does its signature back flip. Bitch. 

"Bucky? You okay?" 

"No." His voice is quiet and unreadable. He doesn't look up at you, focusing on his hand. "Are you mad at me?"

"I was never…" Your brain rifles through your interactions, thinking of if you'd been angry with him. Surely he doesn't mean the mission?

"Then why are you avoiding me?" Now he gazes up at you, hurt in his cobalt gaze. Now not only is your heart going for a gold medal in acrobatics, but your voice is gone, too. "Don't say you aren't because I know better. You barely talk to me or look at me. You call me Barnes or Bucky. I… I can't sleep, my ribs hurt, and my best girl won't talk to me." He closes his eyes, rubbing his hands back through his hair. "Look, you're clearly avoiding me, I just want to know what I did, doll."

In that moment, your resolve doesn't just crack, it disintegrates. Sitting beside him, you pull him into a hug. "I'm sorry, James. I've been having a hard time these past few days, but I never meant to hurt you. Forgive me, please."

"Forgiven. Always forgiven, doll." When his arms wrap around you, your body relaxes for the first time in days. "I understand, but don't freeze me out. If you're going through stuff, let me know. I'll help however I can."

"I'm sorry." Your voice cracks and you internally kick yourself for turning into such a baby. One hug, one touch, one kind word, and you fall apart. Pathetic. "I just… I'm sorry."

"Don't be, pretty girl. You have nothing to be sorry for." His embrace tightens and you gladly lean into it, resting against his shoulder. "Do you need me to give you space?"

"Stay."

And just like that, you're back to where you started, completely screwed. 

"Do you think you would do that?"

"Like volunteering for the show?" You feel Bucky nod. 

He's laying back against your stomach with your legs on each side of him, letting you play with his hair while you marathon Naked and Afraid in the lounge. You convinced him that being shot called for a day of rest, if not for him then at least for you since he nearly caused you a heart attack. "Oh, hell no, James."

He chuckles, "You sure? Eating snakes and building your own shelter is not your idea of a fun holiday? Getting leeches in all your holes and spikes in your feet not relaxing enough?"

"I mean, I've definitely done worse. But going through all of that for funsies? No thanks."

Steve steps into the room and eyes you both, "what are you punks up to?"

"We're taking the day off to watch Naked and Afraid." 

"Excuse me?"

"It's a survival show. Come watch it with us." Bucky moves his feet just enough for Steve to sit at the end of the sofa before laying them across his lap. "You sit, you join self care Sunday."

"Skipping training to eat junk food and have a Sunday slumber party? And watching reality shows? Do I even know you anymore?" Steve fakes a frown before stealing a handful of chips from Bucky's bowl. 

"Don't give me shit. Sweets is the one who started it. I didn't even know it was a thing until an hour ago. Apparently getting shot causes everyone stress." Bucky affectionately mimics you, reaching his free hand up to link with yours. "Isn't that right, sweets?"

You shrug a winning smile at Steve, your fingers idly drawing patterns against Bucky's scalp. "There's nothing wrong with a lazy day, Steve. I don't think I can handle any more excitement this week." 

"How are the bullet holes anyway?"

Bucky places the bowl on the table, lifting his shirt to reveal a clean bandage around his torso, "Practically healed but somebody who shall remain nameless won't let me go without wrapping up my ribs."

"The doctor said three weeks, James. So in two more weeks, you can take them off but until then, your pretty little torso is staying wrapped up. Deal with it."

"You make a good point, sweetheart." Steve chuckles, earning a glare from Bucky. He adjusts Bucky's foot so the heel isn't digging into his femur. "What is this show even about?"

Before long, most of the team has joined, sprawling across the lounge to watch the show. "How dumb can you be? You've got to build off the ground!" Natasha exhales in a frustrated growl, tossing her hands up. "Now they'll bitch all night long."

"I'm still in shock that he can't use a firestarter. After all that talk about being a survivalist." Scott shakes his head. "I'm gonna get a snack. Anybody want anything?"

Tony ducks into the gym, finding it oddly empty. It's almost nightfall and he hasn't seen anyone from the team. Pepper jokingly suggests they're all avoiding him and he shrugs it off at first, but is beginning to consider it. "Friday, where the hell is everybody? Where is Steve?"

Her pleasant voice rings out, "89th floor lounge, sir."

"Are you serious? Jesus Christ." Tony stomps toward the elevator, sighing. 

Someone is humming in the kitchen and Tony sees Scott walking toward the lounge, sandwich in hand. "What are you doing? Why are you eating my food? You don't even live here!"

Scott shrugs, going back to his seat near Clint and closely followed by a shocked Tony. Incredulous, he can only stare. "Did you all just forget about training today?"

"We're viewing a program about being nude and fearful in the wilderness. It is quite good. Join us, Stark!" Thor is sitting on the floor near you with his hair recently braided. Natasha, Peter, Sam, Clint, Steve, Bucky, and you are avidly focused on the television as though you're a bunch of teenagers. 

Tony blinks at Thor, still trying to get his bearings on the moment, "How did you even get in here?"

"Y/N invited me." Thor tips his head back against your arm. 

Tony glares at you wordlessly. 

"What? I missed him." Your laughter slightly bounces Bucky's head against your stomach. 

"See? She missed me." 

Tony opens his mouth to reply when movement behind him causes him to spin. Bruce is sneaking in with a cooler and 24 pack of beer, an embarrassed grin on his face. 

"Et tu, Bruce?"

[damagedsmile]

//K so rewatching SS & I have to put this unpopular opinion out there. It was sparked by thinking about Harley & then thinking in general: Harley has been through alot of abuse in her life but I don't like the idea of calling her/seeing her as a victim. Or anyone a victim.

The Oxford English Dictionary first cites the word victim (late 1400s) as "a living creature killed and offered as sacrifice to a diety or supernatural power", using the base meaning of the Latin victima.

In 1728 it was "person oppressed by some power or situation, person ruined...". In 1781 it was "person taken advantage of, one who is cheated or duped". And so on. Today, the meaning is "a person who has been attacked, injured or killed as the result of a crime, a disease, an accident, etc."

Compare this to the meaning of survivor. Mid-1500s, "to outlive"​. 1971, "one who has a knack for pulling through adversity". From the Latin vivere, "to live". Today, "a person who continues to live, especially despite being nearly killed or experiencing great danger or difficulty..."

Would you rather be known as a person who was harmed or a person who outlived the harm?

The word victim is often taken as a representation of someone whose trauma is shared as opposed to being individual & personal. It seems to push acceptance of victimhood onto survivors, seems to celebrate victim status as opposed to encouraging those affected to work through & overcome trauma so they are no longer trapped by a harmful mentality. So they might recover, live with their psychological/physical/emotional scarring peacefully & reclaim control.

I believe the right term for those who endured abuse is survivor. Maybe this is just the biased opinion of someone who survived it. Maybe Harley & others wouldn't agree. Each to their own. My opinion isn't correct, it's just an opinion based on my personal experience. I don't want my experience to belong to a victimhood scrapbook. I don't want my being associated with my abuser or what they did. I survived, I live on in spite of what happened. I don't belong to my scars, my scars belong to me.

[spitzofseidou]

ace of diamond (season 1) review

Hey there! I have recently finished the first season of Ace of Diamond and I’m going to be reviewing on five categories: plot/pacing, characterization/relationships, voice acting, art and OST. Aaaand because of how much I enjoyed it, I’m going to throw in my favorite character, dynamic and OP/ED. At the end I’ll be adding rewatchability/recc score. 

Genre: Shonen / Sports Subgenres: Comedy / Slice of Life / School  Synopsis: Sawamura Eijun is a unique southpaw pitcher from a small town in Nagano with a lot of potential but unpolished skills. After being scouted to play for Seidou High School (a prestigous baseball school in Tokyo) he is encouraged by his friends and family to go and accept the offer and pursue his passion for baseball at a higher level. Confident to the point of arrogant, he declares that he will be the ace pitcher on this new team and be the best -- but has to grapple with the fact he is surrounded now by extremely powerful, talented players who have been honing their skills for years-- some of whom are better than him, like his rival Furuya Satoru, a pitcher with a wicked fastball. Together, this team aims to be the best in Japan and aim for the Summer Koshien, tackling formidable teams who stand in their way--as well as work on their own goals, dreams, fears and insecurities. 

Plot & pacing: The pacing of this show is very well done. In a 75 episode first season, it is rather long, with many of the baseball games drawn out. But its well worth it, as the writing brings a lot of emotional gratification by “feeling what they feel.” Starting with Sawamura being scouted, going through intense spring training and the selection of the summer starting roster, throughout the highs and lows of the summer season and into the post-summer scrimmages and finally rounding out the season with the third-year retirement game before the fall tournament raffle, every bit is given important narrative attention. 

The reveal of information through the eyes of the protagonist; not knowing about Chris Yuu Takagawa’s injury until Sawamura knows it, not knowing how much the current third years sucked as players until the right moment through flashbacks during the tipping point of the finals game, for example -- is such an important choice that we as an audience feel what he feels. The summer games feel very high stakes, the emotional impact is well-earned; every victory feels like it was earned and not given through plot armor or well ~obviously Seidou is the protagonist team, they have to win.~ Seidou as a team was written as strong but not invincible. SPOILER: This is emphasized at the finals game against Inashiro. Despite losing, while emotionally devastating, it feels like it was a logical writing choice and will be important growth for not just Sawamura but the team as a whole. 

The yips arc that follows the loss wraps up in a very wholesome retirement game, with Sawamura not fully recovering, but beginning to do truly do so, and the hopeful note of beginning the fall tournament, leaving the audience ready and excited for more. 

As a side note, Ace of Diamond very beautifully balances comedy to drama, so it takes itself seriously but is also genuinely comedic. I have two running jokes of “fellas, is it gay to x” and “screenshot of out context being x” as well as actually laughing over some of the planned jokes. But it is truly an emotional carthartic journey.

[Did I cry? yes. so much.]

characterization & relationships: All of the characters feel very well-rounded with diverse ethnic and social backgrounds and personality traits. Some may be static but many of them experience growth to become better people and players. Sawamura is a good “bouncing board” of a character, as someone who goes from arrogant to experiencing several setbacks and a devastating loss that makes him examine his own biases, weaknesses and flaws that also reveals to his opponents their own shortcomings. Several other characters are better players than him, and that’s okay. On the flipside, one of the canon examinations as well as audience reaction is that Coach Kataoka has a team who is a family, a well-oiled machine who works amazingly together because they trust and care for one another, that he encourages growth and inspires them to be the best not just as baseball players, but as individuals as well. The opposing teams are also not just blank slates to fight against, but thoughtful people with their own desires, backgrounds and flaws--Mei Narumiya is cocky and unable to handle criticism once put on a pedestal, Sanada Shunpei has low stamina, etc etc. 

Something that’s extremely important to reemphasize is the relationship the Seidou team has to one another in that everyone affects everyone else. Sawamura chooses to go to Seidou specifically because Miyuki Kazuya, a first year at the time, encouraged him to pitch, so he had one upperclassman who already believed in him by the time he enrolled. Sawamura has both batchmates (first years Furuya Satoru and Haruichi Kominato) that encourage him through rivalry (Furuya) or gentle friendship (Haruichi) and several upperclassmen he admires and multiple times states he adores this team as it is, because he looks up to them for guidance and inspiration-- quiet team captain Tetsuya Yuuki, loud outfielder Isashiki Jun (the namesake of this blog, “the spitz of seidou”), speed demons Ryousuke Kominato and Youichi Kuramochi, and more. 

In particular, he has an exchange of growth with Chris Yuu Takagawa, someone he mistook for being uncaring and hopeless about baseball with a dead-eyed appearance. Chris, after being injured, all but had given up on playing again, but Sawamura’s noisy and blunt personality who kept pushing him encouraged him to return to the field, and have hope again. Chris is a teacher that Sawamura then deeply respects and is there for him when he has the yips, returning the favor to help break him out his funk. The symbolism. *weeps*

Important to note also it that is isn’t just about Sawamura and the effect he has on them, but the relationships they have with each other. The Kominato brothers have their own relationship where Haruichi wants to be like his older brother; Isashiki may act wild and aggressive and cocky, but he is truly humbled by their team captain Tetsu; Miyuki and Chris met years before Seidou and that informs their dynamic and the kind of players they are today. This also extends to other teams; some have similarities like Akikawa Academy revering their pitcher Yang Shunchen and how that parallels with Seidou adoring Tanba even when he was out with an injury, and others juxtaposed with them i.e. how some players at Inashiro seem to resent the spotlight Mei receives or Shirakawa callously telling another player to kill himself. 

I also wanted to note the way Coach Kataoka also sees his team; he is in many ways like a stern but loving father figure who wants the best out of his boys in every way, off and on the field. Other coaches seem to care more about money or fame than their wellbeing (Coach Todoroki or the replacement coach for Seidou), and others have different styles as coaches whether from pro experience or just age. It really emphasizes that it’s not just about the talent a team may or may not have, but how those players are nurtured as people.

(Favorite relationships: Chris & Sawamura, the Kominatos, Miyuki & Chris, .)

[Side note: if you care about shipping, this is a buffet, you’re going to have a great time.]

Voice Acting: The voices of this cast are spot on. Everyone’s voice seems to match their face and personalities and all of the voice actors give 110% to the character. The voices really make it for me, as I’m very particular about the sounds. It feels very realistic and the voices really make them seem like actual people and gives the audience a reason to invest. I’ve got nothing but praise for the voice actors and voice direction of this cast. Art: I could go on and on about the art. The motion is very fluid, the backgrounds are amazing. The character designs are stunning and everyone feels unique and given thought. Style-wise it was very refreshing to see as a lot of modern anime I’ve been watching seems to have the stereotypical “2000s” feel, whereas Ace of Diamond feels like a gorgeous late nineties/early 2000s homage--fitting since, despite airing in 2013-2015, the manga originated in 2006 and it followed the art of the manga nicely. The color palettes are very beautiful and vibrant. I remarked more than once while watching it that it was clear that the artists cared for studying human anatomy, movement and realism (in comparison to how some battle shonen care more for looking cool.) The art is what drew me in to begin with and it never disappointed.  OST: I loved the OST so much. Frying-Pan did such an amazing job delivering gorgeous pieces of music. The beauty of it was just off the charts and went above and beyond to make fitting pieces for character themes, scenario specific pieces etc. Also the OPs by Tom H@ck and Glay were appropriately themed and got me pumped every time. I love the various endings also and their little character revealing bits. I like them all so much I never skipped them while watching.

[Favorite OP: Perfect Hero. Favorite ED: Cloud Nine. I listen to Cloud Nine literally every day.] Can I rewatch? Absolutely! Even knowing what’s going to happen, the emotional journey is worth it.  Would I recommend? 10/10. Even if you don’t like sports, this is a great one. It was my first sports anime and it has set the bar so very high. 

[mytcisanartteacher]

So. It’s 4 am. It’s also my 18th birthday. Maybe tomorrow I might expose the journal entries that I wrote about my TC. Not all, just the appropriate ones.

It’s crazy to say that I’ve actually made it to this day, along for other birthdays to come. I’ll be fishing today, playing Minecraft with friends and be kinda drunk 😵 🤭, and just have fun today. I’ll be missing my friends who are moving somewhere else for college. Kudos to them for doing that, I know I’d never.

There’s this one friend I wish to hang out with. But apparently he says he’ll be in another town for a few days and won’t be able to make it. He and I had a past, we’re trying to be friends... I guess he just doesn’t want to hang out. I could tell he’s lying. I told one of his friends if he said to them if he’ll be in another town. He said he never heard from him in a while or know any of that sort. So...

I can never stop listening to Hamilton or watching it. I can see why my TC loves it so much. During wrestling trips he sometimes played the playlist. I got an interest because I like musicals a little bit. Then got Disney+ for Marvel movies and Hamilton. I loved it so much! When I listened to it I got chills, but watching it? Oh my goodness it gave me the best chills and got a few tears out of me. My favorite songs are You’ll Be Back, mostly because it just sounds... possessive? I know the people on tiktok use it in that way. My most favorite scenes are Helpless, Satisfied, Guns and Ships along with History Has It’s Eyes on You because the chorus, CHRISTOPHER JACKSON! But Helpless and Satisfied is first favorite because I just felt everything. The way Angelica (Renèe Elise Goldsberry) was singing, tone, emotions, pitch.... gave me mega chills. Even when She was walking with Hamilton with the whole “Where are you taking me?” Oh when I listened to it first that gave me chills. With Satisfied... I can relate. I’ve liked many guys and they went in relationships or told me they don’t like me back... I went on. But I felt the way she was singing.

Usually when I watch it I like get some deep sense of the play. When watching it, when they smiled out of control because they’re realizing it’s a successful show and people love it so much. The overwhelming feeling just hits me when I see their expressions. Like the whole production is amazing! For the stage crew, the lights, music, beats, lyrics... EVERYTHING! I loved the light production when they did the scene Right Hand Man.

Adding on, the whole Satisfied scene gives me mega body chills. For a split second I can just sense that I’m there experiencing that. I felt that when Angelica would rather see others she love happy and sacrifice and bury her desires and wants sometimes. Even the part of keeping and remembering the most special thing when meeting someone they deeply love. For me... it’s his words. They’re so kind. Sure he said some things that offended me a little bit, even the one time he said something that made me feel like I was slapped for some unknown reason. But... that letter of recommendation. It’s the thing I’ll always remember from him. Even the words he wrote in my yearbooks.

My other favorite thing about Hamilton is keeping the characters main words being said along the production. Like Hamilton and his shot. Eliza is helpless. It’s the little things that make the whole show amazing.

The only scene and song that I can feel like I am in that time is Satisfied. I can never stop talking about it, listening to it, and watching it. It’s like I’m looking through it in Angelica’a eyes. I know it sounds crazy. I just feel a lot of things that I can’t explain. It’s kind of a special thing for me. If I deeply love a song/musical/movie scene then I can just feel what is going on and being there experiencing it. It’s an amazing feeling.

When I first listened to it 2 years ago. I wasn’t as deeply in love with it. I loved the music, but as I got excited to see it last month, the whole wait was worth while. The built up impatience to see this amazing production, very much satisfied me. Then seeing the whole crew making hilarious and wholesome videos before the show, after the show... or just hanging out or doing interviews. It’s a new thing I’m obsessed with.

I’ll definitely have to tell my TC about my whole thoughts on Hamilton. I bet he’ll love it.

EDIT

Ok so I’m rewatching it again even though I should be sleeping but I’m just so EXCITED AND my brain is not tired. Writing about Hamilton definitely gave me brain energy. So another scene that I love is Schyler Sisters because of their (is it harmony? Their tones together?) I know nothing about music words. But that’s my guess. My other favorite thing I forgot to mention is when Lafayette and Hamilton said “Immigrants, we get the job done” and when the crowd cheered and you see Lin just smiling at it.... YES SERETONIN. Not to forget when Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down) scene around the end when you see Lin just smiling very big... it may be just Hamilton smiling cuz the war is won but if I did something Lin did and scripted a whole musical and get the crowd clapping... I’D BE OVERWHELMED. Just being on the stage, having a successful night, the crowd is there... mega chills and immediate overwhelming feeling. It’s just chefs kiss.

I think that pretty much covered what I wanted to add on to this post.

OH and the funny thing I found is that Anthony Ramos who played as John Lauren and Philip Hamilton... the first song when he sang “I died for him” 💀💀💀 he pretty much died for him twice. Ok Ik I’m late to this fandom (by 6 years) BUT ITS FUNNY.

Edit

I just can’t stop watching that scene... when I saw Renèe on the screen, I recognized her from Altered Carbon (my favorite show) and when she sang...

I was all over it. Her voice is so strong, beautiful, so POWERFUL! The Satisfied scene.... I just can’t stop rewatching it. I just can’t. I love every bit of that scene. Everything. The parts where the lights are on her, Hamilton, Eliza. The blue lights. The whole choreography. The chorus. The background singing. The EMOTIONS! If I saw this show live, I better carry some tissues because there’s just a lot of strong emotion. It’s not in their acting/facial expressions. It’s the way they sing, the emotions, the overwhelming feeling! It’s official. My bucket list is to watch Hamilton live. But how tf can I when people can’t follow CDC guidelines! I just have to impatiently wait and save up money for travel expenses and tickets. I very much loved the part where she was clutching her stomach. Like that heart shattering feeling that you realized it was too late. When she acted in pain just seeing Eliza falling in love with Alexander more, when they talked and at the wedding. Not to mention the last look at him at the end of the song. It’s so strong.

Along with the Satisfied scene... the rewind, the background chorus (idk what they were saying but it sounded like Hey? Face? That sounded so nice with the beginning.) not to mention the way they moved in slow motion. Oooo that made it better. I can never stop talking about that scene.

[space-princess-genesis]

Caged Bird. Chapter I (Kabal x Genesis)

(Ta-da! First Chapter of my How Genesis and Kabal Met! Yes split into two parts because its a big one! Please enjoy it! I worked really hard on these so I appricate the love and support!

Pairing: Kabal x Genesis (OC)

Warnings: Small mentions of abuse, violence, angst, and fluff.

Word Count: 4,277

Beaten up. Broken. Lost. These were all thing Genesis had felt. Her home world had just been destroyed by Cetrion and Shinnok. What was once a beautiful and lavish world called Kosmos, no longer existed. The Elder Gods, mainly Cetrion and Shinnok, had felt threatened by the Kosmos beings becoming more powerful than the Elder Gods. Throughout the millions of years, they had become stronger through their abilities. Soon enough, their powers began to rival the Elder Gods. So, Cetrion and Shinnok ambushed the world in darkness and chaos. Some managed to escape the two all-powerful Elder Gods and flee to other realms for sanctuary, but many did not. Genesis, after having a huge fight with her mother had tried to get out of her locked room. She couldn’t even escape through her balcony as there was a shield around it from her mother. Luckily Genesis’s father could make it vanish, so she could escape her room. Genesis ran through the crumbling palace. Dead guards and servants turning into stardust, a sight certainly that will be engraved in Genesis’s mind. Genesis got to the two Elder Gods that had beaten up her father. He was on the edge of death. Genesis quickly battle Shinnok and defeated him easily. However, she had tried to battle Cetrion but was unsuccessful. Cetrion was more powerful than her. As Genesis attempted to throw one more final blow at the goddess of virtue, Genesis’s dying father had phased her off of the crumbling world and into Earthrealm’s atmosphere. Earthrealm’s gravity began to pull Genesis in, as she began to descend to its surface. All Genesis could think about while falling down upon Earthrealm were her people and family. How many had survived? Where did  the survivors go? Is my family okay? Mother…Father…my brothers…These were the thoughts that Genesis was having as she was quickly falling down to Earthrealm. Lucky for her, Genesis had landed in front of Raiden’s Sky Temple. Thankfully, Raiden was around to hear that something had crashed. Raiden ran over to where the sound came from, and saw a large hole in the ground. Through the dust and dirt, he saw a small figure. He could barely make it out. But he recognized the purple hair from afar. Could it be? Princess Genesis? He ran over to her and carried her into the Sky Temple. He aided her in the Jinsei Chamber and she told him what had happened. Tears were shed as she told Raiden everything - even the stories about her mother, as it got to a point where she had mentioned being taken advantage of her powers. Raiden felt empathy for her, which was a rarity as he did not show his emotions that often. He offered her a home in the Sky Temple to regain her strength and regroup from what had happened. And also train a little bit. Genesis gladly accepted, she had nowhere else to go. She trusted Raiden. As he was the only person she knew on this brand new world to her…

~ A few months later ~

It’s just another day at the Sky Temple. It was sunny which was unusual. It usually rained a lot giving the area a gloomy look. But now, the air was fresh and the temple had a beautiful glow to it. Genesis was in her usual battle suit, as it was the only thing she had from the incident. She realized thank she never gave her thanks for Raiden allowing her to stay at the Sky Temple. She runs around the Sky Temple trying to find him. She quickly finds Raiden, doing his usual meditation. “Raiden…um… I never told you this, but… I very much appreciate you letting me stay here.” Genesis enjoyed Raiden’s company; he was almost like a second father to her, along with Fujin. He and Fujin had known Genesis when she was a princess on Kosmos long ago. Occasionally the two would visit the world of Kosmos occasionally to keep the peace alliance with Earthrealm in tact. Every time they were visiting, Genesis would always have conversations with the two about what Earthrealm was like and how she wished she could get off this world and visit. But with the strictness of her mother, she wasn’t able to even leave her palace. But now, Genesis had no authoritative figure looming over her. She was free - somewhat. “And thank for all that you are doing for my flashbacks, I really appreciate that as well.” After what had happened to Kosmos, Genesis had been getting bad flashbacks of her home world being destroyed by Shinnok and Cetrion. Rewatching and hearing the screams, people dying, and the once beautiful world crumble occasionally would flashback into Genesis’s mind and haunt her to the point were she herself was crying. Raiden would always hear the cries, and be the one to comfort her. “Princess, I am glad to have you here on Earthrealm safe and sound. Who knows what would have happened to you if you had not escaped.” Raiden said in his usual tone to Genesis. “Probably gone and made up into stardust…” Genesis had given a sad smile. Even though Genesis had lived a long life, she felt she had not reached her full potential. There were many things to see and do. Luckily, her people live eternal lives, so, now she had all the time to do what she had wanted to do. But something was missing. Oh yes, another reason she wanted to talk to him. “Hey Raiden? Could I ask you something?” Genesis was reluctant to ask this question too Raiden, as Raiden did not understand emotions, being a demi-god and all. “Anything you want Princess.” Raiden answered. “Do you ever feel…something is missing from you?” Genesis had felt this way even long before her world had vanished. She always felt this missing feeling in her heart. “What do you mean princess?” Raiden was confused. He had never been approached with these kinds of questions. “I always feel that something is missing from me…deep down in my heart…” She put her hand over her heart. Genesis couldn’t describe what this feeling was. “Do you miss your family?” Raiden suspected it was her family, because for most beings, family was the most important aspect to one’s self. “It’s not that Raiden… I can’t describe it…” Being stuck in a big palace meant not experiencing the greatest joys in life. Exploring, meeting new people, adventures, love… “I’m sorry princess, I do not have any knowledge in that area of feelings and emotions. I wish I could help you more.” Raiden, being a demigod, did not quarrel in Earthrealmer activities, or any beings behaviors, emotions, and feelings, he just simply did not have the time to understand it. “It’s okay Raiden…say, I’m up for a little training today, I need to release some repressed emotions. And what better person than you Raiden? I’m obviously joking on that last part. Hehe…. Are you up for it?” She knew she would get that sort of answer from Raiden, but at least he was aware of her feelings. “As you wish princess.”

~

Kabal stood behind a bush near the Sky Temple. Another mission from the Black Dragon? More like Kabal doing Kano’s dirty work. Apparently the mission was to find a space princess? What does that mean? How did Kano know about her? What was she? Valuable? Probably, but Kano promised him the big bucks to find this chick alive. Alone. Apparently she’s all powerful and shit like that. But why would Kano want her? Who knows? Why doesn’t he do this himself? But it didn’t matter to Kabal. A job is a job right? Kabal eventually makes his way up to the Sky Temple. He looks around the temple trying to find this chick and get out of there quickly. It’s kind of quiet around here. Too quiet. “Shit, where would this chick be?” Kano had given him the most vague description of this princess-chick. Short and pretty. That’s it. Well, that’s Kano for you. Short and sweet, and vague. Don’t forget, smelly and drunk. It took Kabal well over half an hour to find where this girl would be. Dodging monks all around, he runs into many empty rooms, not finding what he is here for. As Kabal is running around the Sky Temple, he comes across a room, more like a chamber, that is penetrating blue light. Maybe that’s where this chick is. He walks slowly into the chamber but quickly hides behind a rock as he sees a figure of girl.“There she is! I think…” Kabal thinks in his mind. Kabal waits for his chance to snatch this girl and grab his big buck.

Genesis was facing towards the blue light as the power of the Jinsei heals her after her and Raiden’s friendly sparing. The sparing got a little rough today because Genesis’s repressed feelings. She even almost knocked Raiden unconscious due to the thoughts of what had happened not too long ago. It’s gotten worse the past couple of days, but it felt good to release some of that tension. Well, for Raiden it was not all that pleasant because he almost lost a tooth due to it, but at least Genesis felt a lot more relived. But now, she could relax under the power of the Jinsei and revitalize herself. However, what she does not know is there is someone else in the chamber with her. Kabal waits for the right moment and makes his move, and runs over to her to grab her. Unfortunately for him, Genesis turns around. Kabal stops in his tracks and is only a couple feet away from her. “Whoa…” Kabal is in awe. This chick isn’t like anything he’s seen before. She’s out of this world. Literally. Genesis is also in awe of him. He’s quite the handsome guy, much more handsome than the men that were on her home world. Kabal stares at her in awe for a good minute or two before Genesis starts to get creeped out. “Uh sorry to interrupt but, who are you? And why are you here?” Kabal is snapped back into reality. That’s right! He had a mission to finish, But did he want to? “Oh yeah, so… I’m here…to… take you…” Kabal honestly did not know what words to say. How do you properly say ‘Hi! I’m here to take you to my boss ma for money?’ without sounding like you’re actually trying to kidnap someone. Yeah no… not possible. “Excuse me?” Genesis was confused and concerned. What did he mean take her? Take her where? “Take you to…uh… you know what, this is hard to explain.” Kabal attempts to grab Genesis but she blocks him with her purple energy. “Do not even dare to touch me.” A stern tone comes out of Genesis’s mouth. Who is this guy to even come approach her and take her? “Shit… this is going to be even harder than it look. Fucking Kano..” In the next moment, Kabal  immediately regrets what he had just said. “Kano? The man whose the leader of the Black Dragon?” Kabal nodded at her questioned. “No…this can’t be… you need to leave. Please.” Genesis started getting stern and scared. Raiden had told about the different factions of Earthrealm. He told her all the things about the Black Dragon and how they were mercenaries and all the awful things they do. He told her many things about Kano - bad things. Lying, cheating, stealing, killing, and money. All the things that he cared about and did. “Look, I’m not here to hurt you or anything. I just-“ Kabal is suddenly interrupted by an angered Genesis. “No! I won’t let anyone take advantage of me. I know what you mercenaries do for a living. I already had someone do that for me.” A quick visual of her mother rushed through her mind. All the verbal abuse and actions that her mother had did to her - no, never again, she wouldn’t ever let it happen again. Genesis gets into her fighting stance. If Kabal wouldn’t negotiate with this girl, what else could he do? So the two fight. Nomad spins, conjured purple energy, and punches fill the chamber as the two fight. Throughout the fight, Kabal is impressed by Genesis’s fighting ability. Like this chick is kicking his ass big time. He almost can’t keep up with her. It’s like there’s this motion of grace while she fighting. It’s kinda hot. However, Genesis’s repressed feelings come out during this fight like it did earlier. Each punch and kick becomes more powerful as more and more are thrown. Towards the end of the fight, more memories of her mother completely fill her mind; the verbal abuse, the lock ups, everything, start to make Genesis tear up.  Kabal gets distracted by the tears and doesn’t realize the last punch that knocks him to the ground. She pants heavily and starts crying softly for a few moments and drops to the ground. Soft cries can be heard all around the Jinsei. Genesis honestly thought that her new life on Earthrealm was going to be different than her life on Kosmos; nobody taking her advantage of her would be non-existent for her. Turns out, that was wrong…

Kabal slowly gets up and sees this strong girl that just kicked his ass is crying. How could someone who had kicked major ass, Kabal’s ass to be exact, be torn down to tears in just a quick moment? He walks over to her and lowers himself down to her level. Genesis slowly looks up, meeting a melancholic Kabal. She latches on to him and cries into his jacket. Kabal is struck back for a second because this chick literally tried to kill him, but realizing what’s happening now, there’s something more to this. He can’t take her to Kano. No. He couldn’t. He wraps his arms around Genesis as a way to comfort her. “Do you wanna talk about this? I’ll take you to the nearby beach or something so you can cool down or something like that…” Kabal wanted, no, he needed to know more. Fuck this mission. He’ll tell Kano that he couldn’t find her or something or he found out she moved somewhere else. This girl is his own priority now, not Kano’s. “Yes…please…” The beach was one of Genesis’s favorite places to escape too whenever she would sneak out of her palace. She felt free there and it aloud her to feel at peace with herself.

Kabal carries her out of the Sky Temple without being seen by anyone around. He then runs over to the closest beach and sets her down on the sand. It’s sunset time, the sky is changing color, it’s getting colder, and the air has that usual sea smell. She sits down on the sand and takes in the ocean air. Kabal follows suit. Genesis then goes on to tell Kabal her whole story on how she was a princess, locked up in a palace for being the only one of her people with purple hair and how she had powers no one else had, which meant that she was the universe’s chosen one. She told him about her abusive mother, the attack on her world, and everything else about her. Kabal listened to every second of her story. He couldn’t believe that such a beautiful and talented girl like herself could be locked up by her own jealous mother. “Shit… you’ve been through a lot haven’t you?” Kabal had started to feel empathy towards this girl. He began to rub her back. It felt nice and comforting for her. “I have…and living here now, I thought my life would be for the better, no more yelling, being talked-down too, and being taken advantage of for being basically stronger than the whole world combined…but I seem to be wrong yet again…” A lump in her throat forms, tears start to form again. Kabal brings her into his arms and hugs her. “Hey, I’m not going to take you anywhere. I promise. Screw my mission. Screw the pay. I don’t want to see you get hurt again.” There’s plenty of missions that don’t require stealing broken princesses; this one can pass. “Thank you.” A small tear falls down her face. Kabal catches it before it’s halfway down her face. “By the way, what is you name?” Genesis realizes after all this talk, they have not gotten each others names.  “Kabal. Yours?” Kabal…What an interesting name… Genesis wondered if that was his real name. “Genesis. Princess Genesis. You don’t need to call me Princess, usually those who have met me as a princess can call me that. But I guess you have what they say the ‘green light’?” Genesis…what a pretty name, Kabal thought to himself. He hadn’t known a lot of people with that name. Pretty name for a pretty girl. “Hehe…I like it. Princess….Okay Gen. Whatever you say.” Genesis gives a quizzical face to Kabal as she thinks that he said her name. “Gen?” Kabal gives a chuckle. “Like a nickname? Gen from Genesis?” “Ooooh. I get it. That’s kinda cute…I like that…”  “I mean you are pretty cu- I MEAN… aw shit… you are cute and pretty.” Genesis giggles as Kabal has blown his cover. Suddenly, he begins to feel his heartbeat quicken. Damn, there’s something about her that’s making Kabal feel some type of way. “You are pretty handsome yourself.” She chuckles as she confesses that herself and also feels her heartbeat thump really quickly. Could she be…no…she couldn’t. He couldn’t. Were they…? They stare deep in each others eyes for a moment. Could they be falling for each other? No…they just met, and Genesis kicked his ass. The two shake it off and Genesis breaks the silence: “I should be getting back to the Sky Temple now…” Raiden must be worried sick right now, she has been gone for a long while. “Let me lend you a ride.”

Kabal runs fast back to the Sky Temple with Genesis in his arms. Kabal stops in front of the entrance of the Sky Temple. “Thank you for listening to me and taking me to the beach as well.” “My pleasure Princess.” as Kabal starts to walk away, he has this urge. He wants to see this girl again soon. He turns around and approaches Genesis with a simple question. “Hey so, I was wondering when can I see you again?” Genesis smiles when he asks that. “Well, I’m always here so, please come anytime. I guess it will be a little hard because you don’t have any way to contact me….But I do have this.” Genesis raises her arm to the sky as if she was grabbing something. Suddenly, particles of stardust fall from the sky. Genesis lowers her arm and the stardust turns into a gemstone. A purple one. “Wow…” Kabal is just astounded by the abilities Genesis has. What else can she do? “When this glows purple like so, you’ll know when you can come and see me.” She demonstrates how the gemstone will glow purple so Kabal knows what to look out for. “Sounds great. Well, see you soon.” Unconsciously, Kabal almost lands his lips on hers, he halts himself and instead kisses her cheek. She giggles. For a short moment they look into each others eyes before Genesis gives him a hug. Kabal accepts the hug before momentarily letting go. The two smile at each before Genesis waves good-bye. Kabal waves back and leaves. Is Kabal in love? No, he just met her. But she’s just so…wow…thats the only word he could say every time he thought of her.

~

A year goes by as the two get to know each other even more and become closer. Kabal would either tell stories about his childhood or funny stories that have happened in the Black Dragon. Genesis would tell him her stories about the good things that had happened in her life, plus her hobbies and what not. All of the meetups were filled with laughter and fun, and Kabal fell deeper and deeper in love with her. He wanted to confess to her every time he met with her, but never had the courage to speak up. He wondered if she felt the same way. And she did, but she didn’t have the confidence to tell him either. They always would meet down by the beach, or even have a walk in the forrest. Raiden had started getting worried about Genesis going out so much. He had no problem with it, but he was worried if she would get hurt. She always reassured him that it was never a big deal and she could handle herself pretty well. Raiden always felt a relief when she would come back but had superstitions on where she was going and what she was doing. She would always tell him she was going for a walk or hike, but he started to doubt her.

A year passes by and it’s a typical day for Genesis and Kabal’s meetup. Genesis would send a mind signal for the gemstone, Genesis would wait at the beach, and Kabal would come. Today was no different. Kabal had gotten to the beach and saw Genesis looking strait towards the ocean. However, Kabal had to confess something to Genesis, something that he had been bottling ever since he first saw her. It was time, he could not hold it in anymore. “Hey Gen!” She loved it when he called her by that nickname, it felt like she really had a true friend that she could be causal with. “Hi Kabal, how are you today?” Genesis was in a happy mood today. Raiden had some business to take care of so she was free to roam around wherever she wanted. “Aw, well couldn’t complain. I don’t have Kano busting my ass off today so I’m doing well. Yourself Princess?” Genesis had gotten used to Kabal calling her ‘Princess’. It felt more casual. Not formal, like with Raiden or Fujin. “I feel great! Here I am at my favorite place with my favorite person ever!” Genesis started to feel more confident as she met more and more with Kabal. She went from down and dispirited to happy and cheerful. The two go on to talk about stories about their families. Mostly the good things, like how Kabal’s mother would always cheer him on in running competitions when he was younger, and how Genesis’s two older brothers would always bring home girls into the palace, and do…questionable things with them. “And then he kissed her and told her I love you and she slapped his face and almost left the palace with no clothes on!” Kabal started laughing so hard his stomach was hurting. Genesis always had stories about her brothers shenanigans in the palace, there was a time where she woke up to both brothers lying across her bed and when they woke up they had no recollection of how they got there. It was stories like that that would make Kabal laugh so hard, it would make his stomach hurt. After Kabal had recollected himself from almost dying of laughter, it gets silent for a moment. Not awkward silent, but intimate silent. Genesis looks deep into Kabal’s chocolate brown eyes. Genesis accidentally lays her hand on Kabal’s and immediately takes back her hand. “Ah! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that…I-I just.. !” Genesis didn’t know what to say, it was hard for her to really tell Kabal how much she admired him and dare to say, even loved him. Kabal just chuckles. “It’s okay Gen… I really don’t mind that.” Kabal had not felt this romantic in the longest time. The last girlfriend he had cheated on him and he pretty much vowed never to see her again. Even then, he never felt any romantic feelings towards her. With Genesis, it’s drastically different. He felt different inside. Warm and fuzzy would be the words to describe it. “Genesis I need to ask you something.” Kabal heartbeat rises and the adrenaline is rushing through his veins. This is usually so easy for him. Why is so hard for him right now? “Sure. Anything Kabal.” Genesis doesn’t know what’s coming. Will he confess his love for her? “Come live with me.” Genesis is taken back by that question “Really? Why? Why me? I’m just… a nobody Kabal…” With all the thoughts of love for Kabal Genesis had, she still had doubts about her self. “You’re not a nobody Genesis. You’re a beautiful and wonderful girl who I happen to…” He couldn’t say the last word, the ‘L’ word, but he wanted to - badly. He just didn’t know how she would react. “We’ve know each other for a while now, and I really like you but I need to confess something with you. Well, it’s hard for me to say it…” Genesis looks down. Kabal lifts up her head with his thumb. Her hair is in the way, he then pushes it away from her face to get a clear view of it. Gosh, her white sparkling eyes, the hair, her personality, everything about her made him so wild. He goes in again to kiss her on the lips but is interrupted by a voice. A familiar one for Genesis. Oh no…

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 3x16 Doppelgängland

aka evil skanky and kinda gay

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and rant about it in 10-3k words. What you can expect: long run-on sentences and disjointed observations, often focused on one tiny detail about the episode. What you shouldn’t be expecting: actual reviews that make sense.

And if today’s episode doesn’t make you laugh out loud uncomfortably at least 5 times during each rewatch... then you’re probably Vamp!Willow, and that’s cool. You do you. Literally, I guess.

During my rant for The Wish, I already confessed that that episode used to be pretty high up on my personal list. I’m aware however, that most people prefer Doppelgangland to that fun AU apocalypse scenario... and I get it. I really do, especially these days.

On the other hand, it’s also tough to make comparisons. It’s a different tone, different vibe and offers different things for the show’s general storyline and lore, despite using the same alternate universe as a jumping point. The Wish is a dark and gloomy exploration of the hell we make for ourselves once we lose hope in a better world. Doppelgangland is a non-stop fun ride that’s a major milestone and has many future implications for Willow’s character arc.

But let’s start at the beginning-ish, with an unfairly neglected segment of these rants that I like to call Out of Context Wuffy.

Willow:  How come the sudden calisthenics? Aren't you sort of naturally buff, Buff? *giggles* Buff buff.

(If that’s not the official ship name, I will make it so, if it’s the last thing I do on this site.)

Willow then talks about how the whole pencil floating she does requires emotional control... and then when she’s like “Oh, I’m totally fine with us talking about Faith”, the pencil starts twirling like crazy like some supernatural lie detector.

But there’ll be plenty of opportunity to discuss Willow’s feelings on Faith a couple of eps from now.

Faith herself is presently bonding with the Mayor, but she also goes out of her way to touch Buffy’s shoulder in a scene beforehand???

There really is no heterosexual explanation for this. Like, I literally can’t explain how Faith acts with Buffy in any other way. We just have to accept that Faith is in love with Buffy as part of the text rather than just subtext, and move on from there.

Oz:  I'd call that a radical interpretation of the text.

Shut up, Joss, I’m right and you know it.

But this episode is still very much a Willow episode, so I should probably talk Willow. Which, as you may know, I’m prone to do a lot anyway.

The problem that I’m kind of running into is that I find it hard to talk about the subtle effects and shifts this episode starts or shines a light on in Willow’s character without seeing that arc folding out first. Like, I know where we’re going, and I could talk about that part I guess, but I’m more interested in re-experiencing and paying more attention to the steps that take us there.

Something that this episode calls out for instance, is how Willow feels like she’s The Doormat, even in their own friend group. The person that gets bullied to do other peoples work for them, someone they rely on to be there and do what they ask of her.

This, while coincides with Willow’s desire for validation, runs counter to her need to feel special. So when Anya asks if she wants to do a spell with her, there’s absolutely no hesitation on her part. Finally, she gets to do something that sets her apart!

But then Evil!Willow appears, and that represents a whole new can of worms to Willow... On the plus side, one of those is the fact that she’s not afraid to want or ask things for herself. And that’s a lesson that our Willow will certainly take away from this encounter I think.

I particularly like the ending scene, where the jock Willow was supposed to tutor, and who tried to get her to write his whole essay for him, shows up after his encounter with Vamp!Willow. And he’s actually done all the work. Thoroughly. Twice. And even gives his apple to Willow.

It’s a rare occasion where we see Willow actually having the power in an encounter or relationship like that. At least it’s been rare up until this point.

That’s sort of the fun of Vamp!Willow here. She may not be our Willow exactly, and she may be an evil creepy vampire (as all vampires are), but she still makes Willow consider new possibilities... As well as perhaps confront some facets of her character that she ignored in the past.

Willow:  That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and... skanky. And I think I'm kinda gay. Buffy:  Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was. Angel:  Well, actually...

And just look at that girl in the screencap above. She’s so gay for Vamp!Willow, it’s not even funny. No wonder she got the Moloch treatment of getting immediately killed by her evil gay crush. (Those wacky 90s, am I right?)

Let’s not forget though, that Vamp!Willow evidently also enjoys getting handsy with herself. Their shared scenes are essentially the embodiment of the “I don’t wanna have sex with my clone ‘cause what if my clone is evil” meme.

Meanwhile Anya gets introduced more, and I can’t wait to spend some more quality time with my favorite 1000-year-old demon child.

Arguably something else that can be said of this episode, is that it’s just all memorable lines all the time, from start to finish. So, much like with the previous episode, I can only advise you to give this episode in particular a rewatch. It’s very much worth it.

Press play on Doppelgangland you guys, watch order be damned!

[entamewitchlulu]

Homura’s Flash Reviews [February 2019]

This will be my first review post for 2019!!  I’m watching winter anime currently which I won’t be reviewing til the season is over, but for those who are interested, here’s what I’m watching for winter!

The Price of Smiles

Ace Attorney

Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka

The Promised Neverland

Mysteria Friends

I’m also gonna be adding a few other things to these Flash Reviews and also review the movies I’ve seen during the month, just cause I rly like having opinions lol.  So without further ado, here are the anime, shows, and movies that I saw this February and January!

Castlevania

Not technically an anime in anything other than style, Castlevania is the animated adaptation of the third Castlevania game, following the adventures of Trevor Belmont, the last of his vampire hunting legacy, Sypha, a nomadic magician, and Alucard Tepes, the son of Dracula and his human wife who was killed by the church, and their struggles to take down Dracula before he wipes out all of humanity.

I don’t know much about Castlevania the games, as they really aren’t my genre, but this adaptation was incredible!!  Proof that video game adaptations can and should strive for greater heights!  The dialogue was funny and witty, the characters were interesting and even the villains were endearing, and there was this incredibly crafted atmosphere of both sadness and hope.  Not to mention, the animation was top notch.  Plus, I have to give it credit for finally letting characters say “fuck” realistically.

overall: 9/10

Futari wa Pretty Cure

The very first, original start of the popular magical girl franchise, Pretty Cure chronicles the tale of Nagisa and Honoka, two very different girls who are brought together when they are chosen to become Pretty Cure, the legendary warriors who will defend light from the darkness!  Together with their mascot friends Mepple and Mipple, and juggling their real lives along with their supernatural battles, Cure Black and Cure White will do whatever it takes to protect the world from evil!

I’ve intended to watch Pretty Cure for literally years now, and no one could agree with where I should start, so I decided to just do what I usually do and watch from the beginning.  I’ve only seen the first season of Pretty Cure and not the Max Heart sequel yet.  Overall, it was about what I expected!  I’m a bit of a sucker for the traditional 2000s magical girl genre, with its repetitive formulas, catchphrases, poses, and the usual five episode plots that every single one of them has.  The designs were super cute and I love how Black and White look so distinct and yet are still clearly a team.  Pollun especially is super adorable!!

Definitely I can see why Pretty Cure became such of a behemoth in the magical girl genre today; it has staying power.  This season was definitely full of a lot of generic magical girl filler, and I will be honest that I started to lose steam for it towards the end, plus the villains were not at all endearing or interesting (like, Poisonny and Regine are both very pretty, and Kiriya was okay, but other than that, no one stands out), but it was still a great and adorable experience that I’m glad I experienced.  I’m not sure when I’ll get to the next series, but I’m sure it won’t be long!

overall: 7/10

Incredibles 2

I took my sweet time going to see this sequel, but here we are.  In the anticipated sequel to the original Incredibles, the family faces new challenges as Elastigirl is scouted by a CEO to help make superheroes legal again, while Mr. Incredible has to learn the challenges of taking care of the family by himself.

 I guess overall it was a good movie and well made for its intended audience.  The animation was pretty good and I usually like their cartoony anatomy designs which are more concerned with a comic-book-esque aesthetic rather than proper anatomy and perfect realism.  Definitely the quality has soared since the first Incredibles.  For me personally though...as much as it was entertaining, in hindsight I don’t think it was really made for me.  There were a lot of plot threads that didn’t seem to get resolved or even addressed.  Bob never fully confronts his jealousy for Helen’s new job, and is never quite confronted about the fact that he hid Jack Jack’s powers from Helen either.  The new superheroes were...honestly not my favorite designs in the world outside of Void, and I felt like their only purpose was to become fight fodder for the final battle, which could have been done with almost any other means.  For as long as the movie was, it felt like a lot of the threads were simply not deeply solved, and only shallowly addressed.  As this is a movie for kids, though, I can look past that; this wasn’t the story for a hugely deep look at things.  It did affect my personal enjoyment, though, but it was still a greatly fun movie to watch.

overall: 7/10

Dragon Ball Super: Broly

Finally coming for the canon after a couple of decades, DBS Broly brings the legendary super Saiyan Broly into the main cast.  When the young Broly is sent away from Planet Vegeta for being too overwhelmingly powerful, he and his father are stranded on a barren planet for forty years, until they are found by some of Frieza’s soldiers and brought into the Frieza Force.  Frieza immediately pits the super powerful Broly up against our heroes Goku and Vegeta, who must pull out every trick in the book in order to stop him from destroying the planet in his growing rage.

I never ever thought I would say this about anything relating to Broly, but GODDAMN that might have been the best Dragon Ball media in years.  Let’s get this part straight: I’ve disliked Broly since he first appeared in the DB movies.  He was boring, had a ridiculous backstory, and was just there to be a Gary Stu to really push Goku and Vegeta to their limits.  But this movie??? This movie singlehandedly shot Broly to my top ten characters in Dragon Ball.  He is endearing, gentle, a recovering abuse victim with a rage he cannot control, and his strength is more dangerous to himself than to those around him.  In TFS’ review of the movie, they made a great point: the real stakes of his movie aren’t whether Broly is going to destroy the planet; they’re whether Broly himself is going to be okay.  I’m focusing a lot on Broly, but Goku and Vegeta are in top form in his movie as well.  It’s great getting to see Vegeta have a massive fight where he isn’t immediately jobbed for Goku’s sake, and Goku himself is at the top of his game as the fun-loving, battle-crazed but still sympathetic hero that he should always be written as.  Not to mention our new additions to the main cast in Cheelai and Lemo, two of Frieza’s soldiers who found and ended up befriending Broly, who are equally endearing and fun especially in their dynamics with Broly himself.  

All in all, this was a fucking excellent movie, and the first DB media that I can imagine wanting to rewatch!

overall: 10/10

Fireworks

When Nazuna is about to move away, she asks Norimichi to come with her to the fireworks, though she plans instead to run away.  When this doesn’t work according to plan, Norimichi finds that a strangle marble belonging to Nazuna has the power to turn back the clock, giving them a second chance to be together.  However, with each reset, they move further and further away from reality -- can they return to a world where they’re able to spend at least one day with each other?

This is pretty much, in a nutshell, everything I love about anime movies.  It’s beautiful, fluid, full of amazing music, and the emotions hit so close to home.  While the story itself doesn’t explain much, it really doesn’t have to -- the surrealism of the surrounding world sells it more than any exposition would, proving you don’t need to slow down your story to explain something as long as you can make people feel something for it.  Despite having so little to know about both Norimichi and Nazuna, I was still more than sold by their romance. And once again, the surrealism of the animation and the story are something that only anime can pull off.  You just can’t do stories like this live action.

The only thing that really dragged this story down were some of the CGI bits, which I found unnecessary and weird against the otherwise gorgeous backgrounds, but I guess this is where animation is going lately so I might have to get used to it.

overall: 8/10

[ecampbellsoup]

Outlander & The Act of Sex: Mary MacNab & Geneva Dunsany

Feeling bold, I have decided I am going to analyze Mary MacNab and Geneva Dunsany with regard to their sexual roles in Jamie’s story (Disclaimer: the following blog is taken exclusively from the show’s perspective, not the novel. This is merely my interpretation of what’s presented to me on screen).

One night the thought came to my mind about how striking the differences are between Jamie’s encounters with Mary and Geneva. Honestly, I heavily debated tackling this subject at all, but as I have contemplated this topic over and over, I have found the contrast to be worth sharing.

Intentions and Ramifications:

When I watched through season 3 again and came to “Surrender”, I was not as devastated by Mary’s scene quite as much as I was initially. In fact the second time I watched it, I had a completely different reaction. Cannot say the same for Geneva…but I will approach that disaster momentarily (spoiler: I could not rewatch that scene even in preparation for this analysis).

The juxtaposition between the intentions of these two women and these two sexual acts are about as polar opposite as it can get.

I want to discuss the intentions behind the act and the ramifications. I am not going to dive into the debate of consent, or lack thereof, during this particular post. That conversation is well worth having and important, but it is just not the purpose of what I’m exploring today.

So without further ado, here we go:

Mary: 3x2 “Surrender”

Mary Mcnab is a good woman. 

She is a woman of courage. She is a woman of empathy. She is a woman of protection. She is a woman of nurture.

Mary’s intentions behind her initiation are pure. She’s not seeking Jamie out to use him like a slab of meat. She’s not desiring sex to manipulate or wield power over him. 

Her heart is coming from a place of compassion as a widow who initmately knows the loss Jamie is experiencing. She desires to bring about a way for Jamie to see through the thick shroud of sadness he has wrapped himself in. She wants to help him survive through the valley of darkness.

Mary views Jamie as a person.

I was struck by her gentle tenderness. I was struck by her humility. I was struck by her kindness. I was struck by her patience. I was struck by her desire to bring comfort to a hurting man. She does not force him to do anything he does not wish, but simply offers her arms for a moment of mututal reprieve.

Mary knows and sees that Jamie is suffocating in the agony of his loss; he is drowning in sorrow. She even noticeably has a heart of understanding when he cannot look at her because of the pain. Not only that but she did not want to put Jamie in a position where he feels like he is betraying Claire. Mary knows she is not Claire and she does not vainly try to be.

“I ken what ye must be thinking for I saw your lady and the way it was between the two of you. It’s not my mind to make you feel you’ve betrayed that.”

The fact that this encounter takes place in a cave is both literal and metaphorical for the emotional one Jamie has hidden himself in.

This scene gave me the sense that for the first time since losing Claire, someone is coming down to the caverns of Jamie’s heart and saying, “I understand. I know how badly you hurt because I hurt the same way too. Let me help ease your pain. Let me comfort you.”

Mary’s motives were restorative.

And the bottom line is: Jamie has a choice and he says yes. 

Geneva: 3x4 “Of Lost Things”

Lady Geneva is a selfish woman. She is manipulative. She is cruel. She is callous. She is pernicious. 

Geneva’s intentions are atrocious. Everything about Geneva’s desires are ego-centric. Everything about Geneva’s motives are harmful.

I literally cringe when I think about what this woman did to Jamie. I do not care that she wanted to avoid losing her virginity to an old man nor do I care about her trite declaration of love afterwards. 

I do not judge her for wanting to have sexual autonomy. I don’t think she’s a genuinely evil, but I do not have any tolerance for her sexually exploiting another person because that is exactly what she does. 

She uses Jamie as sexual toy for her own advantage. She not only took him by means of the darkest threats, but then extended this peril to his family if he did not yield to her demands. She knows precisely what she is doing, the position she is putting him in, and she does it anyway. 

Geneva views Jamie as a thing.

I was struck by her vileness. I was struck by her deviousness. I was struck by her only concern being for herself at whatever cost. I was struck by her inability to understand the horrendous thing she was asking of another human being: she made him choose between betraying himself or his family.

I frankly do not have words for how livid this makes me. It is the epitome of cruel. Sexual force, no matter how pretty the package it presents itself, is the most despicable, barbaric thing imaginable. 

The fact that she even puts Jamie in that place is horrifically unacceptable. Obviously, she is ignorant to the fact that he is already a survivor of rape, but that does not remove the sting of pain in this moment. It does not dampen the damage she is wilfully doing.

Geneva’s motives were abusive.

And the bottom line is: Jamie does not have a choice and is forced to say yes. 

So here we have two women: one who uses her body and heart as a means of healing to a broken man; and one who uses her body and power as a means of using a broken man. Mary’s compassion contrasted with Geneva’s cruelty.

They both play a thread in Jamie’s story. One perhaps was a brief beacon of light to help him continue on even if it flickered for mere moment. One despite the evil brought forth a son.

We learn a valuable lesson about the ramifications of sex from these two women. Sex can be used by man or woman as a potent tool: either to build up or destroy the human heart.

Sex should never be a weapon, but a life-line.

(Also artistic side-note: notice how Mary is always shrouded by warm tones and Geneva is surrounded by cool colors…not an accident if ye ask me)

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Television wise I’ve been rewatching The Prisoner to celebrate it’s 50th anniversary this year. Since the show is so significant to me I am going to have to ramble about it!

Growing up my parents talked about various shows they watched back before I was born, and for folks that weren’t into tv much it was a pretty good list. Star Trek, The Avengers, The Man From U.N.C.L.E., The Smothers Brothers, The Saint, The Twilight Zone, Mission Impossible, etc...whether they knew it or not they were geeks at heart. I get it honest, as Mom would say.

Two shows always mentioned together were Danger Man/Secret Agent (depending on which country you’re from) and The Prisoner. Danger Man was the more serious sibling of the mainstream tv spy genre of the time. It was a bit closer to LeCarre than James Bond, if you know what I mean. When the star tired of it a very different show was created, one where to this day people debate whether the main character actually is the same person. The Prisoner was not an ordinary show but a thing of art, of myth even. 

I was convinced I would never see this mysterious show. It had aired before I was born, and my parents were under the impression that there was something preventing it from every being reshown. But then, when I was about 14, our local PBS station showed it. I was incredibly excited.

Now I love a great many things, but some strike something deeper than others. Once in a very, very long time something hits something at the very core of your being, something primal and personal. It 

I mentioned before about reading Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass when I was six and how it expressed something absolutely true to my perception of the world. It was just right in a way no other book ever had been. My reaction to The Prisoner was something like that.

Something like but different. Visceral and overwhelming, not comforting but  a scream of recognition of something dark and powerful. I have never in my life reacted as intensely to any work of art or pop culture as I did to that first episode.

Put simply, I freaked. I identified with the main character so completely I was raging. I stomped around the house, shouting, reacting with a ferocity of someone personally experiencing the events of the fantasy.

If you are unfamiliar with the show, it involves a man, most probably a spy, that has resigned from his job. He wakes to find himself in a place known only as “The Village”. It’s designed like a vacation resort, but is in fact a sort of prison where everyone is constantly monitored and mind games are the order of the day. Instead of names everyone is refered to by a number, so while our hero is constantly questioned as to why he resigned, he in turn wonders “Who is number 1?” Answers are as elusive as escape.

One of the beauties of the show is that even though for all the ‘60s surrealism many episodes can function as an adventure show, much else about it works best when viewed as an allegory. My best friend was the only other person I knew that watched it** and yet you would think we were watching different shows. To her it was that adventure show that got too weird at the end, to me it was fodder for an epic essay in English class about how the Village represented the world, blah, blah, blah with those weird episodes my absolute favorites. 

At heart, the show is a study in the dynamics between the individual and society. Society, through it’s various structures, attempts to make an individual part of the whole. The individual, instinctively as much as anything, attempts to maintain separate identity. It’s a sort of dance between pressure and resistance, where our hero, as ultimate expression of that conflict, can hold onto the self but can never escape society.

Or that’s my take today! LOL

No, really, it is open to interpretation. The Village could equally be seen as an internal cage, the struggle not between society and the individual  but one within a person for identity. Or it could be... 

But I won’t rattle off how to read it. How you understand a peice of art, and I do think the show counts as art as much as any group creation for mass consumption can, depends on the person taking it in. The show is half the creation, and you the viewer are the other half. 

In a way that is the secret for my meltdown. I reacted to powerfully not because of the show but because of me. It might sound odd for a 14 year old girl to find her purest fictional identification character in the form of a middle aged male spy from a tv show from before she was born, bit it does make a sort of sense. 

I have all my life had a intensely strong sense of self. I’ve known who I was, even when I don’t really like it. My unshakable sense of identity had always placed me in a situation of conflict. My refusal to pretend to be other than who I was or deny my views for the sake of unity had caused me trouble from the start. I lived in a small rural community with a great deal of expectation for conformity and social unity, but still I refused to compromise my expression of self. It didn’t matter if it was counter to my seeming well being, my instinct was always to an inner truth that would be read as rebellion or weirdness by others. I watched the first episode and saw myself and my world.

So there I was, finally watching the first episode and going nuts. I could not taking it. It stirred things, those personal resonances, so deeply that I was overwhelmed. When the next episode was shown a week later my family watched without me. That was a first, me refusing to watch something because it got to me. In fact it wasn’t until months later when the reruns started over that I watched again. I was prepared this time. I’d hold my emotions in check and watch rationally. And this time it was love.....

I cannot tell you how many times I have rewatched the series over the years. As we were watching the episode Once Upon A Time I pointed out to Mom I actually have the dialog memorized! Admittedly the episode, in which our hero (I never call him Number Six...I dunno, I just can’t) and Number Two (one of the ever changing rulers if The Village) going into a psychological pressure cooker situation, is a particular favorite. Still the same applies to other episodes. Dance of the Dead, Free For All, A Change of Mind, Fall Out ( that controversial last episode I adore)....actually only the episode Do Not Foresake Me Oh My Darling, where star Patrick McGoohan went off to a film a movie leaving the character to be mind swapped in a story that always felt off to me, just get rewatched on series run throughs. 

And so here we are in the milestone year, a 50th anniversary to a show that still connects with me on a primal level. There aren’t going to be mountains of celebratory memorabilia or even magazine covers trumpeting the event. That’s okay. Much as I wish more people remembered it as more than some dusty old footnote in tv history, it doesn’t change the fact it’s a masterpiece. 

One day I may even get up the nerve to watch that remake series of a few years back.

Maybe....

 **Most people around here did not have cable yet, so it was still four channels, five by the time I was in high school and there was Fox...if the weather was right. Despite the lack of options it seemed NO ONE watched PBS outside my family. I was a child when they started showing Doctor Who, eventually six days a week. You would think with only four channels at the time I wouldn’t be the only Doctor Who fan in the entire school. You would be wrong. LOL

[whittlebaggett8]

10 details you may have missed on Sunday’s ‘The Walking Dead’, Defence Online

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Alpha’s glance for the fair was way extra convincing than in the comics.

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Jackson Lee Davis/AMC

Warning: There are significant spoilers forward for “The Strolling Dead” year 9, episode 15, “The Quiet Ahead of.”

Sunday’s episode of AMC’s “TWD” introduced a key second from the comics to daily life.

In addition to comic times, INSIDER breaks down references to previous seasons, together with an iconic scene from year two.

AMC’s “The Going for walks Dead” shook issues up Sunday night time by bringing a huge minute from the comics to lifestyle on the season’s penultimate episode alternatively of waiting around for its period finale.

In an extra-long episode, the zombie drama killed off 10 people in one particular fell swoop. Alpha (Samantha Morton) infiltrated King Ezekiel’s good to kidnap a blend of background people, recurring forged, and longtime users of “TWD,” ranging from reformed Savior DJ to Enid (Katelyn Nacon) and Tara (Alanna Masterson), just before brutally sticking their heads on pikes.

Even if you were being anticipating to see the legendary Whisperer pikes from the comics this year, they did not go down exactly how they did in the comics. There also weren’t as quite a few. Maintain studying to see what moments you may well have missed straight from the comic together with a couple references to previously seasons.

Michonne recalls the very first time she met Rick on time three.

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Michonne also references the initial time Tara appeared on the display on year 4. The higher than image is the initial time Rick places Michonne on “TWD.”

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AMC

“I also know why Rick didn’t have confidence in me when I confirmed up at the gates of the jail, and how people did not belief you just after looking at you on the other facet of the Governor’s firing line,” Michonne tells Tara when generating an argument for why they really should give Alpha’s daughter, Lydia, asylum.

Just after spotting her at the end of time 3, episode six, Rick is hesitant to rely on Michonne. But she provides formulation for his newborn daughter and leads Rick and Daryl to Glenn and Maggie, who are staying held hostage by the Governor.

Rachel from Oceanside has been recast and aged up.

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The aged Rachel vs. the new Rachel.

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AMC

When the communities assemble together to indication Michonne’s charter, you may perhaps have believed the representative for Oceanside was a recast Cyndie.

It’s really an aged-up Rachel, the younger woman Tara experienced a mini ongoing feud with at Oceanside back in the working day. Rachel came shut to killing Tara on the seashore back on season seven, episode 6 before Cyndie stops her. Rachel references this on Sunday’s episode.

“I was heading to get rid of you on sight when you washed up on our shore,” Rachel states to Tara, confirming she’s not Cyndie.

Showrunner Angela Kang confirmed this in an email with INSIDER.

A puppet clearly show at the reasonable is in honor of Shiva.

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The Kingdom keeps the memory of Ezekiel’s pet tiger alive.

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Gene Website page/AMC

In a brief minute, you can see Shiva and Ezekiel puppets at a booth.

“Do you fellas know the story of Shiva?” a person at the honest asks a group of little ones.

That may possibly be a rough tale for children. Shiva was devoured by the undead while preserving King Ezekiel on period 8, episode 4.

The pikes are straight from the comics. The fatalities are just a bit different and far more hard-hitting in the comics.

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Have been you amazed by any of these fatalities?

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AMC/Skybound, Image Comics

In the comics, Alpha works by using the pikes to produce a border to mark off Whisperer territory from that of Alexandria, the Hilltop, and Kingdom. She does the similar on Sunday’s episode.

The 10 people today killed on Sunday’s episode of the “Walking Dead” are two users of the Highwaymen (Ozzy and Alek) followed by DJ (Matt Mangum), Frankie (Elyse Nicole DuFour), Tammy Rose (Brett Butler), Rodney (Joe Ando Hirsh), Adeline (Kelley Mack), Enid (Katelyn Nacon), Tara (Alanna Masterson), and Henry (Matt Lintz).

The comics eliminate off two more people today along with a several important distinctions: Josh, Olivia, Carson, Amber, Erin, Oscar, Luke, Ken, Larry, Tammy Rose, Rosita, and King Ezekiel.

In the comics, Rosita is between the most stunning deaths on the pikes alongside with King Ezekiel, who’s discovered past. The episode incorporates quite a few misdirects to make you consider Rosita and Ezekiel are going to get taken by Alpha. At a single level, Alpha speaks immediately with the King and turns to seem at Eugene and Rosita.

Sunday’s episode fundamentally positions Daryl as the new Rick.

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In the comics, Alpha introduces Rick to her big group of the undead.

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AMC, Skybound/Picture Comics

In a different scene pulled straight from the comics, Alpha exhibits Daryl she has a large horde of the undead at her disposal along with more Whisperers.

This is a second straight from problem No. 144.

In the comics, Alpha is displaying the group to Rick as a warning. Alpha tells Rick if he and the communities don’t stay within just their boundaries, there is going to be difficulties. In the several years given that the apocalypse commenced, Daryl and the communities have turn out to be pros at steering massive walker groups away from the communities, but this a person appears to be like it takes the cake.

A great deal of the dialogue involving Alpha and Daryl is approximately equivalent to that of Alpha and Rick. Some of it has just been slice down.

Alpha also infiltrates the honest, just like in the comics. Her disguise is substantially better on the show.

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Alpha’s disguise in the comics as opposed to the show.

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AMC, Image Comics/Skybound

It would likely be tricky for Alpha to sneak all around the good bald in her normal getup devoid of anyone getting to be suspicious. In the comics, that’s approximately what transpires when Earl Sutton mentions her to Ezekiel briefly. The Television series made her appearance at the truthful far more believable as she wore a sunhat and the scalped hair of a member of the Hilltop she killed.

A spotlight of the episode was viewing how Morton’s character Alpha could transform on the charm prior to returning to her survival instincts as the Whisperer chief.

The film that is shown at the Kingdom in the course of the good is “Quack-A-Doodle-Doo.”

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Toddler Huey pulls a fox’s deal with off.

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Paramount Photos

The ultimate graphic from the limited that we see exhibits Little one Huey pulling a confront off of the fox chasing him. It feels quite on the nost with the Whisperers.

You can check out the shorter in this article.

Daryl operates to keep Carol back again from observing Henry’s head on a pike. It is a in the vicinity of mirror of a instant from season two when she found out her daughter, Sophia, was lifeless.

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Carol has now watched two children (1 biological and just one foster youngster) die on “TWD.”

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AMC

Daryl runs up to Carol screaming “No!” as the pike victims are revealed a single by a person.

“Just glimpse absent. Just glance at me,” he tells Carol as he holds her up. Viewers then see Carol’s son Henry revealed as the head on the remaining pike. The instant is extremely reminiscent of the time when Daryl held Carol again as she discovered her daughter Sophia was useless and locked up in a barn on season two.

The only variance is that Carol does not fall down and crumble to the ground this time. The second is a lot more impactful if you know that equally Henry and Sophia had been performed by siblings Matt and Madison Lintz on “The Strolling Dead.”

Episode director, Laura Belsey, verified to INSIDER that was a direct callback to period two.

Read through extra: Sunday’s episode of ‘The Strolling Dead’ mirrored an iconic Carol and Daryl minute from period 2

In the course of the conclude of Siddiq’s speech, he tells the communities we need to have to honor the lives of the other people today who died.

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When we to start with satisfied Siddiq on period eight, he was honoring his mother by killing the dead and placing them at peace.

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Gene Site/AMC

“In the conclude, their time was minimize short and ours retains likely. So, we have to preserve heading for them and for all of us. We will need to honor them. We have to have to honor them and we have to have to don’t forget these good friends, our spouse and children, died as heroes,” Siddiq tells the group at the Kingdom.

“Honor” is the name of the episode where Carl (Chandler Riggs). Carl risked his everyday living placing down a several walkers with Siddiq and wound up obtaining bit. Siddiq tells Carl he will continue to honor him by producing sure he proves his lifestyle was really worth conserving and that his dying mattered.

According to episode director Laura Belsey, the tale Siddiq tells the survivors are the actual activities that took place top up to their deaths.

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Siddiq tells a tale of how the kidnapped group fought right up until the close.

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AMC

Upon numerous rewatches it might seem like Siddiq is telling the team of survivors his personal fairytale model of functions of what he would have liked to see materialize. Belsey claims that’s not the situation. The tale he tells is what really occurred to Enid, Tara, Henry, and much more in advance of they were being killed.

“It’s actual, and I assume that is in which his emotion came from, mainly because his emotion is authentic,” Belsey informed INSIDER. “I imagine that whole previous scene was so powerful mainly because it was actual. That did in fact occur. We depart it sort of, you know, it is impressionistic. We desired it to experience like not all the aspects are there. We don’t really know exactly how Henry was killed.”

Kang also verified this was the circumstance about the flashback scene with INSIDER.

Examine far more: ‘The Walking Dead’ director breaks down Sunday’s intestine-wrenching reveal: ‘I could not shake that scene for weeks’

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